#hey guess what i’m writing. it’s first war i think. rn they’re moving into a flat and it’s a disaster. but wanna know what else is a

[loverscrossmp3]

like do i have to follow the basic writing rules? do i have to?

[just-some-random-blogger]

December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible 

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

so

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo 

Because i sure as hell am not 

So in case youre wondering 

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 

Prolly at midnight hi fam 

Again i dont make the rules 

Well just a btw Almost every 

Christmas tradition is pagan 

Like the tree 

The wreath 

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 

For not wanting to continue them on 

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 

But you wanted none of that

 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 

Wonwoo doesn't mind 

He thinks its cute 

Because it is a cute date idea 

Youtube tutorials 

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 

Yeah 

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 

You're glueing some popsicle sticks 

He's water coloring some designs in 

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 

It's all going great 

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 

For a moment u two dont speak 

And then you both brust into laughter 

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 

Your wolf drawing 

"That's a wolf?" 

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 

in personalized ugly sweaters 

And placed them all over the place 

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 

Its all very colorful 

And crafty 

And looking like a child made it 

Then like an imbecile 

U break into laughter 

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 

U end up roasting yourself 

Making fun of your sloppy handwork 

And wonwoo watches u 

with adoring eyes

 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 

You recive it from him and break into a smile 

"Is this us?" 

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur  crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

DK

 Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 

And since he 

And u u forgetful ass 

Forgot to go shopping for presents 

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 

Hurrah! 

But it was too eady for u two 

Like wtf 

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 

And shoping a day before Christmas 

pshhhhhhh 

Its a heartbeat

 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 

You knit your brows deeply at his words 

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 

So being the smarter one in the relationship 

"Uh no??" 

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 

"???? Whyyyyy?" 

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 

Tbh its super stressful 

wtf 

what kind of date is this 

Only morons would do this wtf 

Both of you got shoved constantly 

There wasnt really much space to move around 

And there wasnt really anything to choose from 

But hey guess what 

Seokmin found some really cool gifts 

"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts 

I mean theyre not bad

 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 

It was no contest.  

Seokmin defo won 

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 

U roll ur eyes 

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 

"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 

Which he does 

And when u get back 

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck 

And then forcefully turns u around 

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 

"Merry christmas jagi" 

Mingyu  

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 

uh and super lucky like fu-- 

BUT TODAY 

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 

Wow 

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

 and the sparkliest streamers 

"I have a vision," u explain 

Mingyu nods in understanding 

U and him lift the tree into the living room 

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 

Its all rly chill

 You lot are chatting about whatever 

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 

Yall shake ur butts 

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 

Except hes holding it over his head 

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 

So u step on his foot 

And punch his stomach 

And he bends down in reaction 

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back 

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 

*instert pikachu meme here* 

N then u get back towork 

Or i mean take a break 

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 

And then u get back to work 

"ok nows for the star" 

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther 

with his longass arms 

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 

BOI 

u suck in a breath 

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 

He give a face, "there are ways" 

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands 

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree 

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on 

And mingyu putz u down 

"Okay that was stressful" 

U punch him in the gut again 

The8  

Minghao is super tired 

But super looking forward to spending time with u 

So u defintely go on a date 

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies 

Set in december 

that has like mistletoe kisses 

And snow scenes 

And also those holiday specials

 For catroons 

And non cartoons 

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 

You pull out the laptop 

And get on netflix 

There's popcorn on 

And hot tea 

Or whatever the hell 

Its all just very warm 

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

 U coo and let him obvi 

taking unflattering pictures duh 

But also cute ones because 

#couplegoals 

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 

You end up watching non christmas themed films too 

Like toy story4 

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 

U feel ur cheeks brun at that 

but no he cant have that 

"I thought i was always cute" 

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 

U laugh at his reaction 

"Of course you're always cute" 

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 

"Were u always this gross?" 

Seungkwan 

Okay 

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 

i would first like to say i know 

and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 

and took u to a fancy restaurant 

Ok ur welcome 

But like even if it werent fancy 

U'd still like it 

cause holy guacamole 

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss 

LinDA 

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 

so he stops mid conversations 

just to take ur pic 

Its kinda annoyig 

but kinda cute 

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"

 Literally the bst hype man alive 

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 

And will make u pose for aethetics 

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 

And then oml  

Some moron tries to hit on u 

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 

would he actually do it i mean 

Like 

prolly Not 

but then again he looked really mad 

So u calm him down 

and u go bzck home 

And the cuddles 

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 

Vernon  

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like 

"Lets do a hot choco review" 

And buys 897 types of hot choco 

Or like ten 

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 

So ur like okay i like hot choco 

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 

and is chaotic 

Idek how u could get injured 

But hey 

It wasnt even the hot water invovled 

but the wrapping of the choco powder 

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not" 

Yall start reviewing anyway 

*insert try guys eugenes voice* 

Im rihght

 Ur wong 

Shut up 

After trying the first onw 

Ur like wow dis is good 

the second was even better 

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups 

And that u made so

much 

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like 

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 

n vernon was like 

???? 

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 

MIX THE REST IN 

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

 Shrug it off 

and get a cup of the hot choco mix 

"Tastes like corn" 

"Bish dafaq" 

Dino 

Yikes 

so 

Chan is a dumb ho 

and got himself sick at Christmas so 

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 

and its just you and him staying at home 

U personally dont mind 

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 

So you stay home and take care of him 

and all he can do is complain about everything 

about the cold 

his runny nose 

The lack of taste of the food

 His head ache 

The fact his bed is hot 

And that fact that u have to take care of him 

And treat him like a baby 

"I am not a baby" 

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 

You make him some hot cocoa 

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 

"Babybabybabybabybaby" 

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 

"Well das on u" 

And then u end up going ona glaring contest 

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 

"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 

You snarl and pinch his side 

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 

merry CHRISTMAS 

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

[definitelynotaminion]

Hey baby, how are you doing? Right now it's October 26th at 4:57 a.m. and I'm in bed next to you. Twice now I've gone over to cuddle you and you let me, wrapped my arm with your hand and just let me stay there with my face in your shoulder, close enough to hear you breathe. I ever tell you that sometimes I try to match my breathing to yours when you're asleep, see if it helps me sleep? But when we sleep our breaths are a lot longer with more space between them, and I would always do it for a few minutes and give up. But for those few minutes it calmed me right down. Kind of a meditation, I guess. I did it for the first time back at our apartment. I did it earlier when I tucked into your side and you met me with open arms despite being asleep. You're so affectionate in your sleep; I love it. (We all know I'm mean af, more likely to punch you in my sleep than be sweet). It's October 26th but it's really October 25th’s night, because I haven't been to sleep. My birthday was yesterday and we had cake. I'm laying in bed next to you thinking that there’s still cake in the fridge; funfetti, my favorite. I might go have a piece. I went to the gym at your urging; back when you were awake, but drowsy from the melatonin, and I was wearing the work out clothes mom got me as a gift, and still had my socks on because I wanted to go the gym, too. We had just gotten back from Whataburger; you missed a meal that day and had 1200 calories to spare (It’s the day I woke up at like 3pm and immediately made chicken teriyaki over rice; you went for a walk and I made my own teriyaki sauce, because the watery stuff in the fridge smelled off and I have standards. It was delicious. It's the day we took my car to Whataburger later, and I mentioned that it was odd I hadn't been to McDonald's on my birthday for once; you countered that you had offered, however jokingly. I kept joking that we should go to KFC because it was only 9:25, and surely KFC was still open, as though you hadn't spent the whole time we lay in bed discussing food looking up the calories for the specific meal you wanted. I had my hair in a ridiculous pebbles-style ponytail on top of my head, that I removed and smoothed out when we got inside. I was wearing a star wars jacket over my track suit hoodie over a tee shirt.) You gave me your drink cup so I could have two drink refills on the way home, and not have to choose. I filled my larger cup with lemonade-- shit, I brought it to bed with me about an hour ago but havent drank any; I just fucking realized lol-- and your smaller one with Dr. Pepper. It's still over there on my desk. You probably knew I wouldn't drink it but knew that the opportunity would make me happy anyway. We chilled in bed and I kept my socks on, for once, because I was determined to go to the gym, and you were determined to encourage me instead of enabling me to stay in bed. You're a lovely person that way. I did go to the gym, by the way, as I'm sure I'll tell you in the morning when you wake up (or at 3 o'clock in the evening, if that's when I wake up, if I fall asleep without meaning to). (You made jokes about the socks, but ten minutes into our blogging and chill, your foot brushed my leg in such a way that the hem of my pants rode up, and you touched bare flesh, and turned into Skeletor “Noooaa! What was that. Unexpected. Forbidden.”) It’s the day after my birthday but it’s also the first day I’m away at basic training, if tungle dot hellfire scheduled the post properly. (I swear to god, if it didnt... esp after all those tests I scheduled before I left.) (You just rolled over in your sleep to face me and your arm is pressed firm and soft to my elbow. For the first few seconds after the roll you snored softly through your nose-- very cute-- but now it's just little inhales and exhales. The forearm to my elbow is a very understated cuddle. I'm love him. You're so used to sleeping with me that you don't react or wake when I press close to you, you just accept it and sometimes nuzzle me. You'll hold my hand if I touch your fingers.) I am the most loved person in all the land, and right now I’m probably trying to remember that, shoved in a room with sixty people and no walls. (I keep remembering that this is public and then I'm like fuck it, a blog’s a blog; all the people here for my writing or the fandom stuff or the memes can deal with the lovey-dovey stuff and the waxing poetic about the minutiae of our lives. You're still tucked into my elbow breathing all cute and I'm still typing on my phone, which is on 26%; I should charge it but the charger sticks out the bottom in a way that makes it hard to rest the phone on my chest. It's a running joke now that I never keep my phone charged; that I only charge it when it's on 5%. Actually, at your urging-- though I laugh when you lean over me and hiss at the percentage, though we joke a lot about it-- I've started being more conscious of it, charging my phone before it needs it. Earlier today (the 25th) I put my phone on the charger when it was at 56%. I don't think I told you, but I know you'd be proud of me. (Earlier today I put my phone on the charger in preparation for going to the gym, and it was at 32%. I laid in bed with you to play on it and when it was at 39% you leaned over, already victorious, and said “oh? Only 39%? Put him on the charger!!!!” The exclamation marks are in italics to mimic the way you tapped it, rapidly, you know the motion. And I told you it was already charging and you were deeply shooketh, like I was an imposter. You squinted and said “well it's so small, how could I possibly see from here” in the Grinch voice, and rolled over dramatically; laughing, I chased you, and we cuddled some more. It was a lovely time.) It is (at the time you're reading this) the Tuesday I’ve officially had a “full day” at basic. I think. I probably had my first plane ride today, though if I've talked to you-- they let us make the “scripted” phone call on the first or second night-- it says “hello, I'm fine, I got here safe, he's a phone number to call in an emergency (red cross? Reddit said) and here's the address you write to”-- I only had like 30 seconds or so on the phone to choke all that out and an “I love you”. I couldn't tell you about my first plane ride. I could not tell you that “it wasn't actually as bad as anticipated, though you know I tear up when I get yelled at, so that's a thing.” According to the internet I probably sounded miserable; not because I was literally miserable but because hearing your voice probably made everything really sink in and i missed you. Also right now typing this i have like. A single manful movie tear rolling down the right cheek. Truly I am getting all up in my feelings-- but you're in an empty bed so you'd know, I guess. On the 26th, not Nov 6th, that is. I have no idea if I'm crying as you read this; but I'm a dramatic hoe so it's possible. I'm probably chanting to myself “It’s fine, it's whatever; play the game, don't stand out, go from meal to meal.” however, I have it from reliable sources (thanks reddit) that by the second or third week the yelling gets less yelling and you have the routine down. Then it's kind of like a hardcore summer camp. As I'm laying in bed it's hard to rationalize that I've only got 10 days with you left. A week and some change. The impulse to savor it is there but, also, I've literally got the rest of my life with you, so. I’m looking forward to the other side of basic, to how you can (apparently) have your dependents moved out to live with you if your stay at tech school will be longer than 6 weeks. And mine will, so. (If you're not in basic and I selfishly hope you're not, yet, you can come out there and I can spend my weekends with you, in our apartment with all of our stuff. I want lots of dice and candles. I want to just lay in bed and chill with you. “Cuddle” I want to cuddle but I keep remembering that this is public on my blog and everyone can see it. I wonder why cuddle sounds so weird when none of the other words do. I wonder how fast the first week will go if I keep focusing on “just wait until the next meal, just wait until the next meal.” I'm planning to go buy a book of stamps and some envelopes in the morning. Apparently one of the only joys of basic is hearing your name at mail call. I want you to write me so much, which is hard for you probably; but I want to hear about every little detail. You should print off the latest chapters of Yesterday Upon the Stair or Ashes of the Past if they update, stick those behind your letters. It would make a good distraction and only be a couple pages long. But how weird would it be that i wouldn't even care about them? Not weird at all. Its true that i would care about your letters more that the fanfic. That I just want to hear that you're safe and happy, that you've eaten-- tell me what you've eaten, tell me the calories, it'll reassure me and fill the pages-- tell me jokes and memes and manga spoilers for BNHA. Pass along news from-- or hell, even tell them my mailing address, it's not like it'll be secret-- the discord (kink thinktank or maybe the secret lounge, you know the one). I'm not picky. It will be neat not to be cut off from everybody, if they decide to write. Except tuva. @uintuva I love you but please god don't write to me, I told them I didn't have any foreign attachments when they asked. If anything, pass along a letter to Sach, or Dallas-- have them print it and send it to me; mention no countries. I'm laughing rn. I'll warn them that you'll post the address. If you post a letter every day, or every other day, even if they're short, I promise I'll appreciate them. They'll be like a lifeline to the outside world. They'll reassure me you're fine and assuage me that stress and worry. Please remember that I love you, even if I didn't get to tell you in the short phone call. I likely called you before the flight there. It hasn't even been a day since you've heard my voice. Hell, I forgot-- you and mom and the kids are coming to see me off. I probably saw you earlier today-- for you. It's still October 26 (25th) for me. You saw me this morning but now you're going to sleep without me; it probably doesn't feel weird unless you focus on it. I could be in the shower, or in the kitchen, or at the gym. I could be at Brittany’s house. It's okay to tell yourself these lies, or to imagine me there-- imagine me at my desk, maybe, since you go to bed so much earlier-- to make yourself feel better, to help you sleep. Or maybe it hadn't hit yet and you're fine-- that's fine too. Or maybe you'll be okay the whole time. You'll miss me, sure. But maybe you'll smile and wish me luck and go to sleep easy, because I'm getting what I wanted, according to plan. I hope you find the happy parts of your days-- laugh at the kids, at David, and Jesse-- and write down jokes to share with me before you forget. Don't feel guilty at all, because I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I'm going to try to be looking forward to stuff/focusing on the nice things-- I just snorted a little thinking of you going “whole bed to myself” in the silly smug voice; I can already tell that one is going to be what I imagine at basic, the one I'll remember and smile about. I hope you check your tag and see this, though I'm sure I'll tell you about it. Aren't I so clever, figuring out how to write you even if they don't let me write you? I also set posts to schedule, funny things I scrolled past. The usual things that fill your tag. This way you know I'm still thinking of you; it's funny because I always tag you in things, right now in October, because I want you to know I'm thinking of you. Because I see funny things and think “Dallas” and I want you to see them. I'm so glad the technology exists for me to make sure your tag has new stuff every night while I'm away. I'm going to spend the next ten days (from Oct 26) writing you letters and reminding you of things. (Earlier I told you that I love you, that I love how we talk to each other, that I love the way you joke and how, specifically, you choose to say things to me; that I love how my face fits into your shoulder or your face, that the terms you choose to use tickle me pink. I laugh all the time with you. I'm happiest right next to you. I want to be with you forever.) Oh and here is a reminder: I'm so proud of you for getting through the day. Goodbyes are hard, even when they're temporary. You're not fat and I love you. You could lose the weight you need to lose this month and I’d be happy for you; you could delete the app and gain twenty pounds and be my handsome military husband, and I’d be ecstatic. I love everything about you (freckles) and you can reread this as many times as you need to in the next few days. (Not that I'm saying you'll need to. You're very self sufficient. But if you do need the words, they're here, and there’s no shame in giving yourself what you need.) Day one is done and now I've got to get through the first week. The second will be easier and then, the third, routine. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. I love you. I miss you. I'll be back before you know it. Please write. Even if it's just a single page with “the dankest of dank memes” on it in size bazillion handwriting. Even if it's unimportant. Especially if it's unimportant stuff. Go around and ask everyone to say one nice sentence to me. Write down the sentence. Now you've got a letter. Tell me about your thoughts and your day. Tell me (android 16 voice) you saw a bird and it was pretty.

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny

[rpchive]

Sixtieth Encounter-- Staring Contest

Collin walks into the console room holding an unfolded letter in his hands. "Hey folks, guess who just got mail, courtesy of a magical hand mirror?" Zomrabitt: I...almost forgot we had that. What's up? Collin: I know, right? I kinda feel bad honestly. I really should keep in touch with him more often. Anyway, Barbell sent me a letter asking how we're doing, what we've been up to, that sort of thing. He says we should stop by again sometime soon. Relana misses having more people in the house, apparently. Nydins: Well, "people" is kind of relative. But it's possible! If you want to go, anyway. Is he even expecting us? Collin: I could send him something back saying we'll be by soon. I get the feeling he doesn't really live on any kind of solid schedule, though... Nydins: That's fair. Just as long as we aren't stopping by uninvited or something. Wouldn't want to intrude! Collin: Heh, wouldn't be the first time we dropped in on him. His golems practically dumped us on his doorstep the first time we met, remember? To be fair, they also thought the IT was an actual vending machine.

I mean, there’s been several cases of that already

Collin: I don't think those guys were made to do critical thinking. Anywho, I'll go write him back real quick so he knows to expect a spaceship on his front lawn soon. Collin steps out of the console room and heads back to his own. Nydins: Do you think we're gonna interrupt any more holidays? I think it'd be interesting to see more, especially since they seem to have different holidays from your human Earth ones! Zomrabitt: Dude, you're asking the wrong guy about human holidays. I hardly even remember celebrating any after everything I've been through. Not like it matters much now. Nydins: Oh, don't be so down! You don't have to be human to celebrate a human holiday! Never stopped me, anyway. Though I will admit, it was a little hard wearing hats...I usually just wound up hanging ornaments on my horns, but I guess you'll just have to settle for hats like everyone else!

Collin reenters the console room. "Alright, message sent. Should I go round up whoever's interested in going while y'all park this thing?" Zomrabitt: Umm, sure. Collin strides out once more, walking slightly faster than he normally does to round up anyone interested in going. Firefly; Rio; and Karumet all come into the console room with Collin Karumet: So we're meeting an old friend of yours? Collin: Pretty much. He's the guy who made my leg, actually. I still need to figure out a way to repay him for that... Karumet: Well, I guess he can't be all that bad if he helped you like that. I'll trust him for now, then. Zomrabitt: For now? He's not a bad guy; please don't fight anybody. Karumet: I won't fight anyone who doesn't attack us first. Besides, I'm not really in a state to do much damage; so don't worry about me actually hurting anybody just because I'm not very quick to trust them. Collin: I think you'll warm up to him pretty quick. So, are we almost there? Nydins: Yep, should be landing soon! Let us know if anything cool happens, okay? Collin: Will do. After the IT finishes landing, Collin opens the door of the IT and steps out into the field in front of Barbell's hill. "It's not much from the outside, but the inside's a lot nicer than you might think, I promise." Rio: It...looks like a hill. Is he a mole?

The Unholy Moley Underworld bully I will crush those who oppose me Just like mummy told me

Collin: No, he's quite human. At least, he looks that way. You never know, maybe he's using magic to hide his true form... Firefly: Hopefully not; then you'd know even /fewer/ humans... Collin: No kidding. I think he and Relana are the only two on my list, come to think of it.

I mean, you met Y and everyone in Area 51. Hussie was also human when you first met. Rai was human; just magical. same with uhh...whoever was the Lumiere captain...can’t remember her name rn

Collin heads for the front door and knocks. After a few moments, the sound of quick, metal feet scurrying towards the door can be heard from the other side and the door clicks and swings open. Sparks, the iron golem with an arm-mounted dart launcher, waves to the group and speaks. "Hey everyone! You guys got here really fast. Got some more new people, I see?" Zomrabitt: Just a few, yeah. How've you been? Sparks gestures for everyone to come in as he answers. "Pretty good, not much to say on my end. Our patrols have been the same-old for months now. Relana's apprenticeship is really starting to take off now. Barbell's been holding lessons all over the house depending on the day's subject. I think they're in the library right now, actually. Oh right! Name's Sparks. I'm part of Barbell's iron golem team. We keep the area monster free and make sure all's right in the neighborhood.” He extends a small iron hand up to Karumet first, clearly intent on shaking new hands in turn. Karumet looks at him like she's not entirely sure what to do, then waves in return. "Um...I'm Karumet. Nice to meet you." Sparks seems to take the gesture as a sign of not wanting to be touched and casually turns to Rio, also waggling his upraised arm at her. "And you...?" Rio: Ah! Um, m-my name is R-Rio! It's nice to meet you too! Rio shakes Sparks' hand so gently it almost comes off like she's scared of making prolonged physical contact. Sparks: There's no need to be worried, I don't bite. I actually don't have a mouth, so at worst I would have to... rub my face against you? That just sounds awkward more than anything. Uhh, moving on, I'll lead you guys to the library. I think they're almost done with lessons for the day. Even if they're not, I'm sure Master wouldn't mind a bigger audience. He seems to really like teaching. Sparks turns and heads up the stairs, eventually taking the group to the door of the library. Barbell's voice can be faintly heard from behind the heavy wooden door. Sparks raps against the door and the words "Come in" answer in kind. Collin goes ahead and opens the door, and inside a large chalkboard covered in sketches of what look like strange humanoids is set up amidst the bookshelves with Barbell standing at its side. Relana is seated in one of the two chairs in front of the chalkboard, while Bug sits in the other. The trio turn to face the group as they enter, and Barbell holds his arms out to greet them. Barbell: Aha, there you are! If I had known my letter would get such a quick response, I would have written ages ago! Good to see you all, come in, come in! We were just getting to the good part of our little history lesson here. Zomrabitt: History lesson? About what? Barbell: Oh nothing, just a little something on the history of magic and the deities that bestowed it upon our world. He smirks as he speaks, clearly trying to reign in his excitement. Firefly: Finally, something actually interesting! If I had to hear XL talk about her blacksmith dads one more time I was gonna seal her room. Barbell: Now now, family is important. He holds up a finger and spins it in a circle a few times, and several chairs slide over to form a second row behind Relana and Bug. Firefly: I mean, I guess? But when you have over 5000 siblings, you kind of stop caring about that. Shrugging, Firefly takes a seat. Relana quietly says something about how Firefly's bathroom must've been really crowded at home while Barbell clears his throat and begins his lecture again.

I mean, the rest were...all bugs; so in all likelihood that wasn’t really a problem. but I guess she doesn’t know that so

"Now, it's a well known fact that our world has a number of drastically different magical systems. Ars Magica, Botania, Blood Magic, and Thaumcraft, just to name a few. Heck, even Thaumcraft has many different schools of magic within itself. So that raises the question, 'Why does our world have so many different kinds of magic?' Well, ancient texts recovered over the years tell of a sort of magical pantheon, or group of godlike figures." Barbell taps the chalkboard with his finger, and the somewhat crudely drawn figures seem to come alive on the board, making idle movements and gestures as he continues to speak. "The names of these gods is still a highly contested topic, and honestly I leave it up to personal choice. The important thing is that each god bestowed upon the realm their own unique magical power. However, magic back in those times was supposedly much simpler and... 'pure', for lack of a better word. There are no records of anything resembling Flux, for instance." Relana quickly raises her hand and Barbell smiles and nods, to which she asks... "So what caused things like Flux? Was it one of the gods?" Barbell: Well, not one of these that you see here. A different deity, one that did not wish to give away its power to the world, grew jealous of how loved the other deities were. In an act of jealousy, the god lashed out and poisoned the magic of the world. After that, a war broke out between the rest of the pantheon and the rouge deity. Eventually the rogue was sealed between the dimensions of reality, but the pantheon had used too much of their power to do so and were forced to ascend from this plane. In its wake, we have our modern day magic systems. It's worth noting that the rogue deity actually does have a verifiable name. The translations differ, but the most common one is "Israphel". Do I have any questions? How about from our guests?

please don’t bring Sand Voldemort into this

Karumet: Are there any dead forms of magic, or are all of those still being used? Is it widely practiced? Barbell: It's hard to tell. We still aren't entirely sure how many members of the pantheon there actually were. Certain forms may have been destroyed in the war, or otherwise faded into obscurity over the years. Ars Magica is actually much weaker in terms of size than it has been in the past. Personally, I only know of one proficient practitioner of the art. Witchery also isn't very commonly used, although I blame that on social stigma. Firefly: That's kind of sad. It would've been nice to see a little variety. Botania's pretty big in the Twilight Forest, though I guess that kind of goes without saying...

Roots would also be very big (probably literally; its functions would be greater than the actual mod); Witchery is probably practiced in some places; basically anything very earthy and not machine-based would be used

Barbell: I feel that diversity in magic can be found within each individual system. Golemancy is a far different experience than artificing in Thaumaturgy, for instance. And don't even get me started on Witchery. That is one deep rabbit hole, hoo boy. Excellent questions, by the way! Anyone else? Rio: Are, uh...are you sure that all the god thingies all died? That sounds kinda sad... Barbell: Well, I'm not sure I would consider them "dead". Like I said, the gods ascended from our plane of existence, but I think in some way they're still connected to us. The only one that I would consider dead would be Israphel, who was sealed inside the Void. Rio: But they're not here, right? They're just...gone? Barbell: Correct, unless I've just been missing the giant people sitting in the clouds. Relana giggles slightly at the joke, and Barbell almost seems to brighten up the room at that. "Any other questions?" Firefly: Mm, doesn't look like it. Barbell claps his hand and an eraser jumps to life to wipe the board clean. "Then I believe class is dismissed for the day! Now I can properly introduce myself. My name is Barbell, Thaumaturge, Golemancer, and slightly above average cook, at your service." He strides toward Karumet and Rio, bows slightly, and extends his hand toward them. Rio: Um, I'm Rio, and this is Karumet! She clumsily shakes Barbell's hand while Karumet continues to avoid handshakes. Relana immediately swoops in beside Barbell and extends her hand to Rio, clearly taking herself very seriously.  "And I'm Relana, apprentice Thaumaturge and Tinkerer." Rio: It's really nice to meet the two of you! I haven't met many uh...nice humans before! Barbell: Well, I've got a few more where we came from, but they don't live here unfortunately- Barbell is interrupted by Bug tugging on the hem of his robe. "Oh right, I'm sorry! This is Bug, one of my iron golems. You can introduce yourself, buddy, you've done it before!" Bug nervously offers his hand toward Rio and seems to be having trouble looking her in the eyes. "H-hello..."

small golem; big crush. chase ur dreams kid~*

Rio: Oh, hello! She shakes Bug's hand as well, equally as gently as she did with everyone else. Bug quickly scurries off as soon as Rio finishes shaking his hand, and Barbell practically has to hide his smile behind his hand. "Now now, what's gotten into the lil' guy?" Karumet: Maybe he's shy... Barbell: Ah well, he'll be fine. Would anyone like refreshments? I'm actually quite thirsty after all that talking... Zomrabitt: Eh, I'm good. Rio can't even eat, so she's probably out of the picture too. Barbell: Ah, my apologies. Still, you should walk with me. It seems we have a bit of catching up to do. Barbell immediately begins walking toward the kitchen, still speaking to Tori. "So, how are XL and Silky doing? I notice they're not here with you this time." Tori follows Barbell out of the room. "Silky wound up leaving the IT temporarily to help another Novakid with...something. I wanna say she had to be his bodyguard since things are still a little hot in his sector after we wound up fighting one of the big bads. XL's still on the ship; she seems kind of bored, but I feel like all of us were kind of reaching that point anyway." Barbell: Ahh, I see. Well, it's good to hear everyone's doing alright. Things have been relatively tame here as well. Relana's been doing surprisingly well with her lessons, although she still needs patience, as do pretty much all kids her age. I've barely had time to keep up with my Flux watch with how busy I've been recently. How about you? Zomrabitt: We haven't done much ourselves. After we resolved the whole Greenfinger mess, the IT just sort of decided to...not land? We met Karumet; that was...something. I don't know; mostly it was just a lot of talking. Getting to know each other; where we all came from...some of it was interesting, but eventually everyone got tired of telling stories. Barbell: Ah, but that's the fun thing about being young; you'll have plenty of time to find new ones, and make some of your own. Zomrabitt: Please; we can't even sneeze without having an adventure of some sort. It was nice for things to slow down for a little while, but you don't really know what you've got til it's gone and all that. I'm sure Rio appreciated not being involved in a combative environment, but fighting things and saving people, that's...kind of what I do; what I'm meant to do. Not doing it just felt like a waste of time. Barbell: Time spent with friends and family is never wasted time, but I do understand what you mean. It feels strange to not be focused on making things for town projects or going out on expeditions- Oh, speaking of that, I have a favor to ask you and the others when they catch up, if you don't mind. Zomrabitt: A favor? Is something wrong? Barbell: Potentially, although I'm not sure how severe it is. I don't think it's anything too big, but an old man and a squad of golems could probably use a little more backup on this one. The group eventually meets up with the pair in the kitchen. Barbell finishes pouring himself a glass of a strange colored tea as the others enter the room. "Ahh, there you are! Perfect timing!" He takes a sip of his tea and then sets it on the table before reaching into his robe and pulling out a scroll. He unfurls it on the table to reveal a map of the area around his home, which rises up from the scroll's surface to form a slightly three-dimensional map. Certain areas are marked with yellow circles, while one spot with grass that appears almost black in color is circled in red ink. Barbell: I apologize for not mentioning this in my letter, but I've been trying to be casual about this around the kid. For the newcomers, a brief crash course; Thaumaturgy comes with a serious byproduct in the form of Flux. It can taint the land, affect the weather, and even cause health problems for biological beings. Normally I can keep the amount of Flux in the atmosphere to a negligible level, but almost overnight this area in red appeared. I'm not sure what's going on, but I think it's being caused by the intentional actions of someone. Firefly: Ooh, that looks...nasty, honestly. So you need our help with this? Well, the person; unless you expect these guys to be punching the Flux away... Barbell: Precisely. The best case scenario is that it's an aura node that's gone off the rails. That can quite literally be solved by punches. But if it is because of a person, I need help subduing them so that I can focus on cleaning up the area. I'm not frail, but I'm not exactly a boxer either... Zomrabitt: Yeah; that makes sense. So do you think it's just some random guy, or have you ticked somebody off that would want to get back at you? Barbell: Haha! Do I come off as the kind of guy that picks fights with fellow mages in the local tavern? I might have to revise my look if that's the case, hehe. But seriously, I don't think I have any enemies like that. I'm not sure what would cause someone to do something like this, but it can't be good. Zomrabitt: Yeah, if it's coming out of nowhere then they're probably just a jerk. Didn't peg you as the type to pick fights, but some people out there can get real petty over little stuff for no reason, so you never know. Better safe than sorry and all that. Barbell: Yes, well, when you get to be my age, petty grudges become more of a rarity. So, would you all be willing to help me? Zomrabitt: Of course! We wouldn't be very good friends to turn you down. Barbell: Excellent! We can head out in an hour, if you're ready to go. I need to gather some things before we head out. Zomrabitt: Take your time; we'll be here when you're ready. Barbell eventually reunites with the group in the foyer with a large backpack hoisted over his back. He mentions that he's having Bug stay behind with Relana at the house to keep her company while they're gone, and then sets out the door with the other three iron golems in tow, along with the group. As they leave, Fawkes steps out of the IT, ducking to make sure his head clears the doorframe. Fawkes: Ah, it appears I'm just in time. Are we going somewhere? Zomrabitt: Yep! Something about some dangerous clouds, I think? Some guy's causing bad stuff; the usual. Barbell: That's close enough, I suppose. Ah, one moment, I almost forgot. He reaches into his robe and pulls out a small, brass whistle. He blows two sharp notes out of it, and after a moment the faint sound of something akin to a train can be heard from the other side of the hill. Suddenly, what appears to be a personal sized train engine turns around the corner. Small mechanical arms on the sides of the train appear to be placing tracks in front of the engine and lifting them back off the ground behind it as it moves. It slows to a stop as it reaches the group, and a series of small platforms large enough for a person to stand on extend out from the train, enough for the entire group minus one. "If we're going to reach the place before nightfall, we'll need to take the Aurum Express."

I know you probably didn’t mean literal human-esque arms, but I’m imagining a train hurriedly dragging itself across the ground with massive, metallic arms, and that picture’s too funny to pass up

Zomrabitt: ...Wh-...? How did you just--?? No, it's magic; questions don't always have answers. Train it is. Barbell: I mean, I made the thing if that's what you're wondering. Fawkes, I apologize, but the platforms the Express makes don't really get up to your size. You have to be standing on one with both feet in order for it to keep you aboard. Do you think you can keep up alongside us? Fawkes: Do not worry, I can keep up just fine. The rest of you climb aboard, I could use the exercise anyway. The group boards the train platforms. Barbell hops on the platform directly behind the engine and pulls a lever, causing the train to jump forward into motion. In seconds, the Aurum Express is cruising over hills and between the trees at a surprising speed. Fawkes is able to keep up on foot at first, but eventually he decides to use his jetpack and flies above the trees over the train in order to keep up more easily. Barbell laughs and leans out to one side, his arm extended outwards. "Haha, it's been a while since I got to take a ride on the old girl! Remember, keep both feet on the platforms at all times! I don't want anyone flying off into the bushes!" Nydins: Oh, don't worry about us! Half of us can fly anyway; we'll probably be alright! Rio: I...don't think you've ever tried opening your wings while going this fast... Collin has latched onto Tori's shoulders with both hands and is trying desperately to  keep as steady as possible. "Suddenly I'm really grateful that the IT doesn't really have windows..."

I debated adding them once, but since the IT isn’t very slow, I figured it’d just like...give people motion sickness or something

After about twenty minutes or so, the train reaches a less wooded area, and the group notices the sky begin to dark slightly as the grass begins to become more green than gray. Eventually the ground turns a color just a few shades off from black, and a small, decrepit house comes into view. Barbell slows the Express to a stop a few hundred feet away from the building and steps off of his platform. "This looks worse than I thought..." Firefly: What even happened here...? Barbell: I'm not entirely sure. I've seen Flux do strange things to an area before, but never something quite so... ominous. We should tread carefully. Who knows what could be in that house. Is everyone ready? Zomrabitt: I mean, we're already here. So, is it actually dangerous to walk around there, or...? Barbell: I meant that more as a turn of phrase, but it never hurts to be cautious. Let's move. As Barbell starts toward the house, the three golems set up a defensive perimeter around him, keeping their eyes close to the ground. As the group nears the building, they notice what appear to be small purple vines growing up from the base of the house and climbing up a few inches up the walls. Suddenly, an armored person emerges from inside the house, swinging the door out forcefully. Their armor is made of a dark gray metal, and a red banner hangs from their chest and back, emblazoned with a gold sigil. Its faceplate is marked with a golden cross shape running across the eye holes and up the middle of the helmet, and the figure calls out in a deep voice. "Halt! Leave this place immediately, or suffer swift judgement!" Barbell: Are you the person responsible for this? ?: I do not answer to you! I tell you again, leave this place at once! Barbell: I will not! This land has been corrupted, and I am here to fix it! You can either stand down or be put down, the choice is yours! You are clearly outmatched, and I do not wish to use such unneeded violence! ?: That is where you are wrong, old man... The figure shouts something in a strange tongue, and suddenly dark clouds of mist rise up from the ground and shift into more individuals armored similarly to the first. Barbell takes a step back and glances around the area at the sudden fighting force. "This is very bad..." At once, the figures unsheathe iron swords and rush toward the group, shouting various warcries that mix in the air. Looking at the oncoming crowd, Tori strokes their chin reflectively for a moment. "Hmm, I'm gonna need more spears..." Karumet: Sp-spears?! Your weapon's a spear?! Zomrabitt: What? Don't be ridiculous, our weapon's whatever we want it to be. So my weapon's going to be spears. Lots of them. Tori spreads out their arms, and roughly 50 rods of yellow light burst into existence behind them, all of them taking the shape of spears mere moments after creation. "So, who should I aim for? One of 'em? All of 'em? Do you think they'd back down if I made an example?"

turns out that in all that time of practice 2ri found out they didn’t have to use the cord every time

I tried to make it not gate of babylon-y, since they don’y come from anywhere specifically. the yellow light could’ve been any color with any other Kleivenn; 2ri’s color is yellow due to their driving wish. consequentially, their light-based form will also be yellow as a result

(unsurprisingly, Collin’s influence is blue and yellow...)

Rio: I-I think doing just about anything would work right now! There's kind of a lot of them! Zomrabitt: Well, there are right now... Firefly: Less talky; more fighty!! Right, right. Swinging their arm out towards the oncoming crowd, the onslaught of spears shoot towards them like arrows. The knights attempt to dodge or deflect the spears, but many fail to do so and are pierced straight through. Those that are hit almost immediately seem to dissolve away into the air, and the survivors fall back for a moment as more of the dark mist rises up from the ground, soon turning into replacement troops. Several knights charge in again, but the remaining begin to charge crimson balls of energy in their hands. Barbell: No! Whatever you do, don't let those attacks hit you! His wand appears to fly into his hand from his pocket, and he immediately begins to quietly chant something and wave his wand in response. Sparks begins firing darts at the approaching knights while Daps and Rumble stand at the ready to fight off the others. Tori takes breaks between conjuring and launching spears to respond: "Well! Whatever you're doing; you better! Do it fast! If all these things are just-! Ghosts or whatever! We probably need to worry more-! About whatever's bringing them out! Firefly! You've got magic! Help him out! Or whatever!" Shooting nervous glances between the red energy and Tori currently being a static target, Firefly carefully attempts to make her way over to Barbell. "Just don't get hit! I can't save you if there's nothing left to bring back!" Instead of responding, Barbell completes his spell and forcefully swings his wand toward the ground. A giant arcane circle formed of blue light expands outward from where his wand points, and the knights crumble away as its border reaches them. However, the spellcasting knights fire their spells just before the sigil reaches them and the projectiles hurtle toward both Barbell and Firefly. Barbell quickly throws himself in front of her, but then Fawkes drops down from above the pair with a groundshaking thud and deploys a massive hard light shield from his arm. The spells collide with the shield and burst into large crackles of crimson energy and then vanish. Fawkes turns his head to the pair once the dust settles. "Are you two alright?"

Firefly can make forcefield shields; I think she’s done it before. she’s about the only one who used Space powers like that though

Zomrabitt: Ohhhhh!! Who needs to be careful now!? Firefly: Ugh! Blushing green with embarrassment, she turns her gaze to Fawkes instead. "I'm fine... Thank you..." Fawkes: I am glad to hear this. He disengages the shield and gets back up onto both feet. Barbell stands up from his guarded position and dusts off his robe. "Well, that should keep the welcoming committee off of us for a time, at least. Lucky for us, it looks like they were using a similar means of getting here as the monsters of the world do, which means my sealing sigil should keep them from showing back up, at least for a time. Is everyone else alright?" Rio: Y-yeah! We're okay! Barbell: Very good, now let's keep it that way. This is clearly the work of more than just one rogue Thaumaturge. The group approaches the building proper and Fawkes takes point at the door, throwing it open and immediately redeploying his shield. However, the house appears to be completely empty, aside from layers of dust now kicked up by the sudden activity and small piles of old, broken furniture. Karumet: ...Seems you're chasing actual ghosts, sir... Firefly: You don't think it's bait or a trap, do you...? But he already said he didn't pick a fight with anybody. Who'd set a trap without knowing they'd have victims? Nydins: Who makes an army without expecting a fight? Barbell stands in silence amidst the conversation, and anyone that listens closely can hear a faint but rapid clicking noise as he looks around the house, until finally he snaps his gaze over to a ruined fireplace. "I fear we've stumbled upon something much larger than I could have ever imagined..." He strides over to the fireplace and presses a stone just off the center of the structure, and a section of the floor drops slightly and slides away to reveal a staircase descending down into the dark. Zomrabitt: ...Is...is this a cult? Lornicai: Barbell: I don't have enough evidence to say yes, but I'm thinking you may be right. Walk quietly. We may still have some element of surprise on our side. Taking a deep breath, Tori nods quietly.

I mean, I kind of expect someone who was nearly ritualistically sacrificed to not like cults

even if I do think the cultists are cool, truth be told, I just want their robes

The group descends the stairs in darkness until glowing balls of cool, orange fire begin to light the stairwell. As they near the bottom, the low chanting of many voices becomes audible to the group, and eventually they reach a simple wooden door, emblazoned with a singular eye using gold lines for the outer shape and an emerald ring dotted by a pitch black pearl to finish the iris. Barbell casts a silent spell at the door's hinges, and then slowly pulls it open without a sound. On the other side is a short hallway that leads out to a large chamber. A large circle of ten figures in red and black robes kneel on the ground around a tall obelisk of obsidian that hovers in the center of the chamber. Standing outside of the circle at a pulpit is another figure, whose robes are slightly more elaborate than the others. Eyes similar to the one on the door adorn each sleeve, and a black four-pointed star is printed onto its chest. /In a hushed whisper, Barbell speaks to the group. "This... This is insanity. I'm not even sure where to begin..." Half scared to speak at all, Tori responds in a shaky whisper: "Well you better think of somethin' quick; sneaking into these creeps' basement's gonna be the least of our problems if this escalates..." ??: I'm afraid things have already escalated beyond your comprehension, interlopers. The figure at the pulpit speaks without turning to the group. Its voice is low and sultry, and distinctively feminine.

sultry...

I will not seduce a cult leader

"However, you are granted the privilege of witnessing the first step toward a new world order. After that, I'm afraid your privileges are over, however..." Barbell, knowing their cover is blown, strides into the room, his wand pointed directly at the figure. "You will stop this madness at once, or I will stop it myself!" ??: Is that so, little Thaumaturge? They finally turn away from the ritual toward Barbell, but their face is still obscured by the hood of their robe. "Do you really think you and your little ragtag bunch of mutants can stop the wheels we have set in motion?" Nydins mumbles "Well someone's never heard of aliens..." Zomrabitt: Sooo, are you gonna just keep this back-and-forth thing going, or do you wanna have a monologue too? 'Cause I've got about...a dimension's worth of spears with all your names on 'em if you're done here, miss. The figure giggles in an oddly cheery tone. "Oh yes, we are quite done indeed." A moment later, what appears to be a dark hole in the air tears open just below the obelisk with a noise like a thunderclap, and the air seems to rush into the newly made opening. A second later, another deafening thunderclap bursts forth and a shockwave seems to ripple outward through the air and beyond the confines of the chamber. Several things happen at once; the hole in the air vanishes in an instant, the iron golems turn purple and collapse to the ground, and the shards inside Collin's prosthetic leg are swallowed up in a bright light contained inside the glass of the leg. Cracks begin to appear on the glass as the leg begins to vibrate, and Collin, realizing what's about to happen, pulls the prosthetic off of his leg and hurls it with all his strength toward the circle as he loses his balance. The leg explodes a moment later, knocking several of the cultists clear and dissolving one of them. Barbell immediately drops down to the golems and scoops them up into his arms as the head figure begins to laugh.

Quickly catching Collin before he reaches the floor, Tori struggles to keep himself from going into his natural form. "You...you..." Karumet: Keep a lid on it...if you fly off the handle, things will only get worse for all of us. Don't let this get to you... Zomrabitt: Don't tell me what to do!! Karumet: Don't get yourself killed! Nydins: Save the fighting for the cultists!! Collin pulls himself up onto his one leg and holds onto Tori for support with his right arm, and points his left hand toward the leader. "You know, I was using that leg you son of a bitch!" A massive blast of lightning erupts from his hand and smashes into them, but the energy seems to bounce off of a field of glowing runes around them and scatter off the ceiling above. After a moment, the figure speaks again. ??: Hmm... How did someone like you... How interesting, heehee. Well, that's something to ponder later. It appears our work here is done. On to the next task, then! There's still much to do. Maybe we'll see each other again soon? 

keep your hands off of my boyfriend or so help meeeee

so help me! so help me.

and cut!

As one, the leader and the remaining cultists draw forth a pendant in the shape of an eye from beneath their robes and kiss the symbol. The cultists seem to be sucked into the pendants head first, and then the pendants seem to consume themselves, leaving nothing behind but the obelisk. Zomrabitt: Ugh, that's just...!! Ugh!  Rio: S-so what do we do now? Can we stop this? Barbell, seemingly oblivious to the others, continues to shake and speak to the unmoving golems. "Come on, wake up dammit! You can't do this to me! Get up!" Nydins: I...don't think we can do anything but leave for now. We have a few more problems that need attention first... Zomrabitt: We can't just leave; they're just gonna get worse!! Nydins: And what are we supposed to do?! We can't just find them; we don't even know if this showed up over time or instantly!

I don’t know when I started writing Nydins in but she’s suddenly here now, oops?

somehow I...never noticed

Zomrabitt: But what if it progresses faster now that they did this?! We can't just ignore them!! Karumet: Then we split up, obviously. Nydins and Rio should go back with Barbell and Collin. The rest of us can find the cultists and try to stop this from spreading. Surely if Firefly's from here she can find them, right? Firefly: It's a different kind of magic, I don't know if I could-- Karumet: If nobody can help us; nobody can help them. If nobody can help them, the cultists will continue their work, and more people will get hurt or killed. We either get help, or we abandon these people. There are no other options; you're adequate or you're a hindrance. That's all this boils down to. So, can we sort this out somehow or not? Should we split up, or leave entirely?

Karumet is kind of A Dick sometimes

Barbell stands up and whirls around to the group. "ENOUGH!" He coughs a couple of times from his outburst, and then takes a few breaths before continuing to speak. "I... I apologize, I.... I know who might be able to help us find them." Karumet: Then let's get them. We're wasting time just standing around fussing, right? She looks to Tori, but Tori refuses to meet her gaze. There is a collective groaning from the floor, and Barbell quickly spins around to find the three newly recolored golems slowly getting back to their feet. Before the golems have time to process their surroundings, they find themselves immediately swept up in the arms of an incredibly relieved Thaumaturge and begin shouting out confused protests. Collin: Well, at least we didn't lose anyone, it seems. Zomrabitt: Fortunately...I just wish they hadn't dragged you into that too. Barbell finally release the golems and twists one of the lens rings on his goggles slightly, and what appear to be wiper blades start scrubbing the inside of his lenses, then clears his throat. "I uh, don't think that was intentional. I'm not sure what that ritual did, but from what I can tell, it seems to have altered something about the very nature of our world. I would guess that the shards in Collin's leg became destabilized in the event and converted themselves into raw, elemental energy. Our first order of business is to get back home, make sure Relana and Bug are alright, and fix Collin's prosthetic. Once we've done that, we can more closely examine what exactly that ritual did, and I can contact a friend of mine about the matter. Sound good?" He steps out to the former ritual site and collects the thaumium foot from the wreckage of the prosthetic as he waits for an answer. Zomrabitt: ...Yeah. Not much else we can do about it. Barbell: Excellent. We have our game plan, then. The group returns to the Aurum Express, which thankfully still seems to be in working order. After that, they make the journey back to Barbell's home where they find a panicked Relana and a similarly transmuted, but otherwise fine Bug. Barbell tells the others to rest for the moment and grab any food or drink they might need, and then takes Collin back to his workshop to begin work on a new prosthetic.

you know; I was both totally relieved that this didn’t have anything to do with Collin and then absolutely irate because I spent months just being mortified because what the fuck could all those lyrics mean what’s going to happen to him but nope the cultists are only semi-interested

but then again how would Collin be way better off after all this if it didn’t have anything to do with him

you

you’re the type of guy that takes his bandaids off real slow, huh?