#hey don’t we all tbh
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I miss Etho
a week since the last upload and the withdrawals start damn😔 here’s some tiny ethos scattered around my canvas to tide u over
#asks#art asks#slinky’s sketches#ethoslab#hey don’t we all tbh#good news tho if you haven’t watched beefs starblight desert series#ethos there! and beef uploads a lot#actually just watch beef anyways#love the guy#this is just a small selection of the etho scribbles lol#i have like a million of these some of them don’t even look like etho anymore
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important question, do people think magistrex is in the recent mc series or is it a seperate more peaceful rt character. please discuss i am so so interested
#hey lu shut up#rtgame#magistrex#tbh i didn’t even think about it until now so i don’t know#him having a rival is funny though#they r like cat and dog#but idk him also having a peaceful life away from all the chaos or even before he got like . powers and shit hmm idk#don’t even get me started on the deep dark and his incessant need to go in there like . Boy we get it reminds you of galaxies calm down
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hm, out of all of the things I was expecting when I slowly started putting myself back in fandom spaces, “unresolved trauma from being an autistic kid/teen who was always perceived as Too Much” wasn’t on the list, to be quite honest.
#ooc !#maybe I’ll unpack this more on my personal blog later. Who’s to say. not me certainly.#but yeah the amount of friendships/relationships I had from like. elementary school to high school(to even some of college)#where like. it’s suddenly revealed to me incredibly late that I’m being seen as overbearing / overwhelming / needing or being Too Much#and by then there is no fixing it yknow. by then they’re just telling you to get you to fuck off (or telling other people and not you lol)#(that happened way more often in online fandom spaces)(but tbh my hang-ups in online fandom spaces)#(come WAY MORE from like. interactions with Very Particular People)#(who self-admitted to like. actively trying to dig up dirt that didn’t exist on people ‘just in case’.)(or if they just didn’t like someone#(they aren’t around here anymore but nevertheless the few times we interacted and they tried that w me made me paranoid for ages </3333)#ANYWAYS if you read this far: hiiiiiiiii#i’m doing fine but oh god the weird nostalgic loneliness of being That Kid really hit me all at once#I’m still so bad at making friends now because of all of this naksdak#like I have to put effort into keeping up with people or else I’ll accidentally hold myself back / kind of isolate#under the assumption of like ‘oh you don’t want to scare this person away do you? you don’t want to be overbearing right?’#and it’s like. hey. hey brain. hey bitch. we gotta talk to people to actually form relationships with them. that’s how this works.#vent#anyways I gotta go build a closet now ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ...
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idk ik people don’t like valentines bc corporate holiday rahahhah but i just like it as a day to love my friends and love my family and love my fictional characters and wear cute pink and red outfits and skip around giving red velvet cookies and be happy idk
#:D#☕️!- clove speaks#like Martha speaks#Idk I was in a relationship for one Valentine’s Day and it sucked bc I wished him a happy Valentine’s Day and he ranted ab how it was a#scheme for corporate business to make more money and YEAH#Ik it is but we were long distance and he didn’t have to get anything and all I wanted was to be told I was loved#and tbh after getting out of the relationship idek if I loved him in a normal way I don’t think anything about my attraction to people has#been necessarily normal and now I don’t really think relationships are something I even want anymore#But idk#Valentine’s Day as a day to appreciate things I love#I LOVE my friends I love my family#I love I love I love and none of it is wasted#romantic relationships will never be more important to me than platonic I think#especially after being in a toxic/abusive “romantic” relationship and the only thing that helped me leave it was help from my friends#I’ll never have a friend I regretted loving they were all important to me at some point and helped me grow#it’s hard bc I’ve always felt idk… aceflux? aroflux? And it was very hard to explain to a partner HEY sometimes my love for you isn’t#romantic sometimes it’s platonic sometimes I don’t know how to explain it but I still love you I still want you in my life#Idk none of this matters#If u read this SMASH THE LIKE BUTTON AND HIT SUBSCRIBE
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https://x.com/imlost_mp44/status/1734726462605779390?s=46&t=QiKHdDdvKoMxWGyakqTvxA
But until then they will be at each other’s throats
Tbh, If you aren’t Black or Asian then I don’t think it’s fully appropriate to comment on like, any of this, especially even mentioning “the being at each others throats,” part if I’m being honest, like. Black ppl as a whole don’t really have much of an issue with anyone else, it’s usually just the other way around really and for the most part, we accept everyone (sometimes to a fault,) into our space and culture. Just as long as it’s not appropriative or making fun of us then it’s like, what can you do? There will always be conversations needed to be had in order to build some kind of common ground between poc but yeah.
#black ppl can’t stop non blacks from getting locks and using a blaccent/aave or this and that but hey what can you do#rambling#tkf replies#I don’t want be put on the spot to talk about race stuff like this tbh it’s a bit 😭#anonymous#the video itself was whatever like I’ll roll my eyes because the dude probably wanted locks because he thinks black ppl look cool or he#might listen to like chief keef or whatever tf but it’s whatver like at this point my bare minimum for cultural appropriation of black folk#is to at least talk to black ppl (like do these ppl ever have any black friends or ppl they hang around before they do all of this….. not#really so it’s a bit…. odd most of the time but whatever)#they watch a few rap videos and think that is how every black person in the world must be#like just as long as they aren’t saying the n word and using aave then I can look the other way I guess I don’t have the energy#to focus on stuff like then otherwise#it’s already a hopeless and losing battle at this point but just as long as other ppl remember that black people aren’t just their silly#little makeup and fashion trend that they can slap on at any moment when they want to look cool#and that we are people with a vast amount of culture that should be respected than alright#I learned in the comments of that post that there is also a huge chicano subculture in Jp as well#the Japanese girls dress up as latina’s and everyone’s obsessed with lowriders so that’s something#that’s…. something………#regardless of how it starts it’s always nice to see people want to learn about how other people live#their lives their culture their everything#the world can be reset tomorrow and I bet you 1 million bucks that after a couple of millions of years#there would still be cultures shared and expanded upon between ppl wanting to learn grow love and share are innate to us as humans
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The boys take Amp shopping, per request. She gets the basics of clothes, medical supplies, and snacks like those hidden valley bars. Once done she tells like, one half asleep skeleton that she’s going to a different store and walks over to the second hand store on the other side of the store cluster area (idk what it’s called) and just goes ham on picking clothes there. It’s much cheeper so more things and the store before had all pink and glitter in the girls while the guys section was just unappealing. She doesn’t mind graphic t’s but the graphics turned her off.
After a minor freak out from her trip chaperones they find her outside the changing rooms, in the process of deciding what to keep and what to put back. Some have now decided they’re going to add some life to her choices and set off to see if she’d like anything they picked out, adding them to try pile in the cart as they went.
But whats that we see? On the handle bar hanging is an orange hoodie. Why that looks familiar! Why hath thou chosen this garment small one? It called to me- she writes- soft as a cloud it is, and it hides my features oh so well! Yeah it’s Stretch’s old hoodie from when he first got there years ago. He donated it when it stopped fitting, and it is way too big on her. It’s amazing it lasted so long without getting bought- probably the bright color’s fault- but also destiny I guess.
Stretch @ Blue: bro gimme the adoption papers
NO
bro plz, shared custody at least- I beg
MAYBE
#i just... idfk#everyone has dad/uncle energy in this convept#they wanna be thefavorife#you know the people picking out things are keeping tally of who got the most pieces of clothing approved by the mysterious housemate#whom theyre all starting to suspect is still at an age where parental guidance is needed#imagine that- some person shows up at your house and like 3 weeks in you start to realize#hey wait a minute this isnt ab adult- thats a whole ass child?#what????#what are you doing here small child? why are you so secretive and wary of the world? what happened to you??? we shall take care of you now#your our kid now- yes even the grumpy ones theyre your dads too- trust me they’ll throw hands for you they’re just emotionally and verbally#idiots#Amp gets Pulled au#(?)- don’t know what else to call it tbh
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i swear to god i’m queen of jobs. i lost my job on tuesday and i already have a new one
#to be fair i am technically still employed at the company the new job is for#BUT. they have like 12 properties and it’s not guaranteed they would have a position open#man it kicks ass to be very good at your job and impress your managers—#—and then be like hey i’m leaving my other place can you help me out with a new jawn#said manager was like oh my god. of course. i’d take you back literally right this second but we have a full staff#and then he sent my resume to all the GMs at all the properties#and literally 2.5 hours later i get a text from the host manager at one of the properties#who is like oh my god. yes. we want you. i remember you and WE WANT YOU.#and then two other managers from two other properties ALSO asked the first manager (that sent out my resume)#if they could have my info#not to mention i have an interview at a different place and the guy was not only impressed with me but like#with my photography too and said he would love to have me take pics for the restaurant#LIKE… MY IMPACT#anyway i don’t know why i was ever worried i wouldnt have a job all my managers are in love with me#philadelphia’s golden child tbh
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short break from AVL trees. that shit is not fun
aaughhh i don’t know what to listen to lately. just been blasting electric/techno instrumental cuz i can’t stand love songs rn, they make me too damn angry 😐😐😐
here are some of my recent fave tracks
gonna tell my friend ion want him dropping me off at the market/ bus stop after class no more. songtaew car is eight baht, bus is twenty. i’ll pay that much for peace of mind. consider us even for the gas money i spent on u last term. ts is literal psychological warfare
#everest stereo better anyway#hey if i get scholarship we might get isuzu dmax (for the tree farm) and imma def drive that thing to class 🥴 🛻#anyway#get out of this country#ion care about fair or unfair what i want ain’t gonna change anything so i want u gone from my life#look we’re all adults here yes and i have been so civil and normal. we chill. we comrades in arms#(against the greater enemy: computer architecture and organization taught by prof [redacted] )#between u and me chat i just want to fistfight this guy#i would win#ong i’d beat his ass#thinking about actually hurting him doesn’t make me feel good tho tbh#don’t wanna deal with this stupid shit anymore it’s getting in the way#just need sum distance#shoulda stayed nonchalant from the start but can’t help that i was a born chalanter 🤕
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Hi! This may be a bit of a rant but there is something I really wanna share with someone so I hope you don't mind.
I have a friend who I knew 'cause we were in the same club at uni. He's very eloquent and smart, so I really respect him (but mostly from afar 'cause I was shy lol). And then I saw him post about ST season 4, and about Will in particular so I mustered up my courage and messaged him "hey have u seen the parallels between Will and Vecna?". And we started talking about other ST-related stuff. We even ranted a lot about vol 2 after watching that lol. We also talked about books and TV shows and overall, I was glad ST helped me make more friends.
When the free Palestine movement became popular last year, I was not surprised when I saw him post about Gaza or Rafah 'cause well... he's just like a typical queer, chronically online, twitter user lol (both complimentary and derogatory, sometimes I find his humor funny, sometimes I just wanna roll my eyes). We have never talked about this topic and honestly I really don't feel like. I just simply carry on sharing posts and stories about discrimination against Jewish and Israeli people and anti-Hamas stuff.
And then recently I saw him posting overtly anti-Israel things, like "u think this is hot now, wait til you go to hell for supporting Israel". Not gonna lie, I chuckled when I saw that 'cause first of all, I am an atheist so whatever man I don't believe in hell anyway. Second, I don't know what other non-Jewish people who support Israel (as in 'its existence is legitimate and the people there deserve peace', not the government itself) may feel about hell, but as far as I'm concerned, Jewish people don't seem to put that much weight on the concept of hell and heaven, right?. So like "bro you should have choose something else more menacing than that lol"
Now I can scroll through that post but what irks me the most is what he chose to share today.
https://x.com/redstreamnet/status/1841561550378651724
I find it so freaking ironic how after everything that has happened in Iran recently (and how many Iranians have spoken out against the Islamic republic), this is the first Iran-related thing he posted about. Like I'm so close to just forward to him a video of Iranians celebrating the death of Nasrallah or comments/posts of Iranians thanking Israel for it, or overall just people between these two countries wishing each other peace and freedom. I'm not sure if I can call what I'm feeling "anger" 'cause it's not exactly strong as when I see people deny October 7. But there is surely a sense of resignation.
I don't see those pro-pal people as bad or evil. I actually believe that most of them have good intentions, but to me, they are too caught up in their self-righteousness and black-and-white views to acknowledge the grey area of this whole mess.
I saw you own up to your own hypocrisy a few days ago and ngl I admire you for that lol. I only think of humans as "paradoxical by nature" so a person saying conflicting stuff is normal to me. But it's annoying as hell when someone doesn't think they are capable of hypocrisy or double standards.
Anyways, have a great day. Thank you for reading all this. Sorry it's kinda long. Being concise is not my strong suit lol.
hey anon, let’s hug. if you want?
i rly don’t have much to offer bc my brain is currently mush, you probably just wanted to vent and that’s ok. i just didn’t want to leave you on read. 💚
look, i’m using jquinn even though he annoys me atm but i just couldn’t resist, lmao. like yeah, #me.
#beth answers#i hear you and everything#also your friend. ask yourself if you’re happy with him. whatever that means. it sounds like you’re willing to agree to disagree but#he may not?? like some people just can’t compromise on some issues and that’s ok. but tbh the whole geopolitics in the middle east is#complex and has a very long history. it’s not as clear cut as saying israel is a product of western imperalism or white supremacy#nor is every arab country having similar values/democracies. even islamic terror orgs don’t always align#like consider the situation with that woman who was kidnapped by the isis and she was being held in gaza even though isis and hamas aren’t#exactly allies. and people suggest gaza is some sort of criminal outpost in the middle east#which could be true to an extent but it’s important to recognise it’s not fair on the civilians. even if they share hamas’ values bc of#their upbringing. but we gotta be careful bc we can’t steer towards racism of low expectations bc arabs are very capable and intelligent#like it’s obvious to me hamas are seen as noble savages but referred to as freedom fighters. i just think it’s important to be balanced#people can say israel is a safe haven for paedos and sex offenders which is bullshit and based in antisemitism (thanks jeffery epistein)#in every community there are bad people and they shouldn’t be held as the standard. which should be applied to ~bad orgs/states too#it’s just not easy! even geopolitics experts struggle. otherwise we’d have world peace but lmao#hey looks like i managed to say something after all#umm tldr you know your friend but you know yourself too and it’s important to have boundaries#but not to let something get in the way especially if it doesn’t concern either of you personally in the grand scheme of things#if that makes sense. like i’m not gonna ditch a friend if they think the moon landing is fake#unless they make it their whole personality and it gets in the way of our relationship#so you know. go with your gut. look at the big picture but details are important too#which i recognise is a privileged position to have and possibly ignorant#but i have to consider myself and the people i love. then my community and the place i live. then the country#then everything else. even though i want to help with things out of my control but i also feel like i shouldn’t have to feel like this?#like i’m not someone who signed up for this. ppl who have should be able to do so to the best of their abilities. i’m just not that person#ok i’ll shut now lmao mwah#sorry this is late btw
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~ ~ ~
#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick#is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself it’s inevitable that I’ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasn’t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging#and show my support and that I’m here for him cause tbh I’ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ain’t no thing#but after a week of wondering why he’s been distant and not wanting to be around me when I’m saying I just need some time with a friend he#finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little#pieces be fitting and I realize that he’s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking I’m gonna try to flirt with him#or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and#should know I wouldn’t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus he’s basically like a brother to me#and I have an AFAB partner so it’s not like I’m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every#interaction we’ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be#upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too#because of course he can’t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking#guessing game. and now I also can’t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well won’t take things I say/do the wrong way.#can’t trust that my best friend won’t see me in a poor light now because it’s clearly been affecting the friendship#and like totally that’s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didn’t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time#instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit#can’t rely on him or trust him or anything and what’s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? I’m at the end#of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and#won’t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody#good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause that’s what really#matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they don’t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of#just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled#with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. can’t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because#I’m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and#be able to let it go but I don’t fucking know how and I can’t keep losing friends because it’s killing me#personal
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yeah shit is gonna be rocky I think with the friend I’m staying with
#like I had breakfast and I said maybe too jokingly that I felt like I was gonna throw up#and she was just like bookin it to this place she wanted to show me#and I’m yanno. don’t know at all where I’m going and I’m just following her as best as I can#and she turns left and like a person on a scooter came really close to her and ik that was more what she was upset at#but then she was like#giving me attitude like. we’re going over *here* it’s this way I made a *left*#and I’m like yeah dude I don’t know where I’m going#I honestly wish I got along with her better but honestly idk like I’ve had more issues with her than most of my friends#and I want our friendship to work and I think it does from afar or like smaller amounts of time together#but we’re gonna be together for two weekssss#and I’m also very thankful that she’s letting me stay here and this is my first time abroad but idk#I wish that she’s be a bit more conscientious of me but also I am an adult so I shouldn’t need a baby sitter#she’s kind but not nice I suppose which is probably better overall as someone that I need to interact with#I’m also not like cut up about this but I am. worried for how we’re gonna get along throughout the trip#and that’s more why I want to go out to bars with other people around bc tbh I’m not really a bar girlie and clubbing scares me#and she’s into that stuff way more than I am#I think tonight I’m gonna be like hey. we both stayed up super late last night. you don’t have money. I have a meeting at 11pm.#maybe we shouldn’t go out tonight???#alternatively I also feel bad bc she’s had a really hard life and I know that she’s infinitely way more deserving of good things than I am#which is maybe not the mindset to have but it’s the only way I can articulate it#and I know this is also such a stupid first world problem to have to be like ughhh my friend that enjoys my company wants me to visit herrr#first in Italy for two weeks and then whatever country she lives in next year and the year after that#with increasing amounts of time away from home#maybe I’m just learning that traveling internationally is not something i really want to do#and maybe I’m lazy for that bc airports aren’t that bad it’s just the flight and all of the time that I dislike#my legs were so swollen when I landed it was a bit concerning#anyway. I don’t know necessarily if I want to or can really afford to go to Japan or South Korea next year and New Zealand the year after#and that could also be that I’m using my money in a different way#bc I could feasibly go if I still have the same job in two years#and that’s a whole other thing to talk about my relationship with money but anyway.
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I came out to my dad as bisexual at 14 and I was PANICKED because I had a crush on a guy in my Boy Scout troop and thought I was Going To Hell Forever and he was so kind and understanding of my distress, but he had NO idea what bisexuality was. He just said “yeah but you like girls too? This is normal. Everyone is like this.” And I love my dad and trust him with my life to this day and the idea that the concept of bisexuality had not occurred to him had not occurred to me so I put it off.
By 16 though I had a crush on like THREE boys. Three entire boys in my Boy Scout troop. I felt like my sin was slowly advancing, until like an untreated cancer it had become metastatic. I remember bawling my L’il limp-wristed sissy eyes out in his big rumbly truck on the way home from a scout meeting and him telling me that it was OK, that he still loved me if I was gay, but that he knew I wasn’t gay because I still had crushes on women and that meant I was straight. I didn’t quite know how to explain that those felt *~*different*~* and that I felt like I was losing a fight to evil inside me but I again felt comforted by his reassurances and his genuine fatherly love.
At 18 I was like “hey I’m realizing all my friends are going on missions. I don’t wanna do that. Idk how to say that and I don’t have a ‘good enough’ reason to not wanna go.” So I just put it off. Again, my parents were extremely supportive of the information I gave them (I blamed it on perpetually forgetting to start the paperwork.) and one day my mom texted me that she had done the paperwork for me! And that all I needed was to get a physical! So I did that (it was awkward af tbh, my hernia check was done by a trainee doctor and she spent like 3 minutes fishing around my inguinal canals before her attending rescued me) and was sent to Mexico City where I learned that in addition to dipshit himbos with strong hands and scruffy guys with artistic hearts I was REALLY into chubby Latin men with strong personalities who bullied me a little when I lived in Mexico.
I remember my first companion got annoyed with me during an argument and said we were just gonna wrestle and whoever won the wrestling match won the argument (I stg I am dead serious this happened.) I was like…SWEATING when he tore off his tie and threw his white button-down shirt onto the ground (I won btw, don’t ask me how).
I remember one of my companions with this really intense, almost manic energy telling me that he was gonna make sure I was safe in a new area I didn’t know very well. He cooked breakfast for me and we’d go shopping together on P-Days and in the mornings before breakfast he’d jog around and do pull-ups with his shirt off and I’d do anything but look at him because my face would break out in a sweat so intense he’d think I was crying and come over to see if I was OK and somehow make it worse. He let me play D&D with myself in the evenings even though it was against mission rules because he knew how lonely and stressed I was.
I remember one of my companions was a big chubby man with a loud voice and a great sense of humor. He was kind and direct when addressing conflicts with me, and always bragged about how he knew the secrets of women’s minds and it felt like he really did since it almost always boiled down to “Treat Them Like People and Love Them a Lot. Don’t Stop Being A Person For Them. Also Eat Them Out Sloppy Style.” Our P-Day activities sometimes felt like dates, and it seemed like he was more attentive to my emotional state than I was since he was always the first to suggest we slow down our Divinely Mandated, God-Ordained, Super Sacred Work and Wonder to get a snack or check out a Pawn Shop (I love Pawn Shops).
I remember another companion who asked me to bully him every time he did something against his goal of losing weight. It was like he gave me Carte Blanche to take out my crush on him by being a nuisance and I LOVED that. I remember having a breakdown one day after we’d spent the afternoon frantically cleaning our disgusting-barely-habitable mission house to make it look less vile that it was (not our fault imo?) and I started bawling and he pulled me into a hug and he smelled good and he told me he knew it wasn’t just the house and that I was mad at him for being a Huge Dickhead for about a week (true) and that he would work on it. (He’s also a huge chaser but that’s a separate thing.)
I remember one of my companions waking up early (and our schedule is already built for sleep deprivation) to make me a “birthday cake” from knock-off Nutella and bread. He used matches for candles and woke me up, lit the ‘candles,’ pulled them out, then smashed it in my face and took a bunch of pictures while I was still madrugada and disoriented as fuck. He had the same sense of humor as one of my HS crushes and I could push his buttons pretty easily which was so fun.
I came home from my mission and started back at BYU where I became actively and aggressively suicidal. I had a stalker the year I moved up there and my dad’s solution to that was to get me a gun. I know he wouldn’t have bought me a gun if he could have read my mind, but I had a loaded pistol under my bed during a trifecta faith/sexuality/gender crisis and that was not helpful. I remember that the day I decided to kill myself I figured I’d call the BYU CAPS and see if I could get into therapy because it felt like what I was “supposed to do” so I could check my suicide boxes. My therapist was the guy who’d helped me pick a major the year before and was this drop-dead gorgeous Hawaiian man who cried when I told him how I’d been feeling.
A few weeks into therapy I met another stunning man with soft eyes and a scruffy illegal-at-BYU beard he kept pushing his luck with. He was funny, kind, patient, married, and wouldn’t give me the time of day if he knew I was crushing on him. We were in my history of psych class, which was inarguably the worst psych class I have ever had, and we studied together for every assignment and test and I realized that my feelings for him and for all the men I’d already mentioned were in direct conflict with my faith and relationship with God. My already agonizing spiritual conflict became even more wretched and as a result of this plus some other tightly-packed experiences with Mormonisms bullshit, I left the church.
After leaving the church I decided to move back to AZ and transfer to ASU. My mom helped me get a dog since I think it had started to dawn on my family that my mental health was barely getting me through the day, and she knew that we both loved dogs. Madi made my last year at BYU livable while I got my shit together and transferred. In that last year, I went on a date with quite possibly the only semi-openly-out trans person on BYU campus. It was not a great date imo, I was not doing well, but the person I spoke with was fun and fascinating and talked to me about Gender Dysphoria and it really cemented my need to go. To leave and never come back to that fucking school.
I started at ASU a month after my last semester at BYU and within a very short time frame it felt like I was coming back together, like a puzzle magically putting itself together in an environment that wasn’t slowly draining that puzzle’s will to live.
On the 4th of July, the year I started at ASU, I saw a transition timeline photo of a gorgeous happy beautiful happy radiant happy woman and her former Mormon missionary self and I realized the light that was on in her eyes was the light that was off in mine. I looked into transitioning for 3 days, sleeping about 10 hours total during that time. I started talking to other trans people on Reddit (one of whom is now my beautiful fiancée @cintailed) and after about a month of making preparations to be disowned and kicked out, something I was not sure would happen but was ready to go through to Turn On The Lights, I came out to my family and it was amazing. I started HRT a month after that. I secretly dated some dorky guys for about a year while I applied to grad schools. I got into a great grad school for me and my needs. I got FFS. I did my trainings and classes. Me and my fiancée moved in together after some LDR shenanigans. We’ve lived together now for 4 years of basically marital bliss. We have a cat named Grandmother Esmeralda Weatherwax who bites the hell out of my feet about three times a day. My bi-cycle continues to be part of my life but now it’s not as scary. Baby gays in my life have started to look to me for advice. Idk how this all happened so fast. When the years, months, weeks, days, and hours seems to crawl by so slowly now they are rushing past me so fast it’s almost bewildering. Whereas before I felt like I was living on borrowed time, past my ‘expiration date,’ now it feels like I can Fucking Breathe. I’m training myself to slow down now and it feels worth it to Live In The Moment.
Idk why I wrote this. Idk why these thoughts only seem to come up on Sundays when I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation. Idk why I’m crying rn or why I feel so happy. I’m gonna post this shit then get on with my dissertation I guess. Read more Terry Pratchett and give yourselves the time you need. Get a pet. Talk to someone. Re-examine the events that brought you here. Be gayer. Love y’all 💕
#tgirl swag#worm#mormon#lds church#church of jesus christ of latter day saints#boy scouts#Mormon mission#Mormon missionary#elder#the book of mormon#bisexual#transgender#trans stuff#trans pride#lgbt pride#bi pride#mental health#BYU#pets#my cat#cat#dumb cat#granny weatherwax#terry pratchett
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We’re getting to the point in the summer where all I have to do to get my head counselors to have a mental breakdown is walk out into the hallway with a kid and stop at the parent table.
On the bright side, we made butter today at camp, and while we were prepping I realized we had sugar and vanilla extract, so our junior counselors got to make whipped cream instead.
#day camp chronicles#we legitimately had so many behavior reports today#one kid managed to collect all three levels (minor. moderate. and major)#I also found out one of our subs that works at my camp at least twice a week did not know that we tracked positive feedback forms#and I do not think she is going to start asking people to borrow their iPads so she can track them either which is annoying#and that also means that she hasn’t been writing band-aid logs either but tbh I don’t think the kids go to her when they get hurt very often#but yeah she does not seem to understand what is going on because she spends most of the time on her phone#and occasionally hollers across the room to tell a kid to stop doing something#as opposed to walking over there and asking them calmly to stop#which in my experience definetly seems to work better with some of the kids with defiance issues than yelling at them louder and louder#but hey one more week and then I never have to see her again
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Spent today getting caught up on miraculous, remembered how much I hate the ice cream guy
#F ANDRE ALL MY HOMIES HATE ANDRE#I don’t know why the characters kid themselves saying everyone loves Andre as if EVERY TIME THEY GO TO HIM THEY DONT END UP CRYING!!!!#screw that man and his aphobic ice cream#that man is way too invested in the romance lives of teenagers tbh#not even accusing him of being a creep here just genuinely like why are u so bothered by this man. they’re kids. none of ur business.#I don’t care how tasty his ice cream is. if you want to get ice cream with someone other than whoever Andre ships u with FORGET ABOUT IT#my siblings and I would be like ‘hey can we get ice cream’ and he’d say ‘BUT YOURE RELATED!!! THATS DISGUSTING!!!’ like it’s not ICE CREAM.#main reason I hate him so much tbh is that I’m very sensitive about how happy going out for ice cream can make ppl and how easily it can be#ruined. and seeing these characters go to him expecting a nice ice cream only to wind up crying cuz ANDRES A LITTLE BINCH makes me SO UPSET.#your job is to bring people JOY with ICE CREAM. and instead ur obsessed with their LOVE LIVES. GET OVER IT MAN. GIVE THEM THEIR DAMN ICE#CREAM. sorry for the andre miraculous ladybug rant top 10 characters I hate.
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nothing else matters — m.v.
pairing: max verstappen x wag!reader
word count: (idek tbh)
warnings: mentions of menstrual cycle, reader is on her period, some cursing, max being tender, bf mode to the max (i think i’m hilarious), tooth-rotting fluff
a/n -> i’m on my period (for the second time this month!) and im miserable rn. (+ fried) so i apologize if this is terrible (i typed it on my phone) i just wanted to write something self-indulgent af.
euphoria radiates off of him, the energy so contagious it brings an entire crew to their feet.
his cheeks are flushed, tinged a rosy hue from the rush of it all. his eyes are bright, shining as the team surrounds him, jostling him back and forth. you can hear his laughter, the way it rings so wonderfully in your ears as they shout his name.
“max! max! max! max! max!”
“all right, all right,” he catches his breath, “let’s not get too excited. it’s only pole.”
“only pole?” you find yourself scoffing as another familiar voice fills the air, “max, this is huge for us!”
“well the race isn’t won yet,” the corners of your lips twitch, a smile forming as max clears his throat, “we can celebrate when we finally win a fucking race.”
christian horner exhales, the remark from max clearly striking a chord, “well, i can’t disagree with you there. all right everyone, let’s get to it. we have a lot to do before the race tomorrow if we want to remind everyone of who we are.”
you remain in the corner of the space, arms folded across your chest as the crew disperses. you take in the way max’s jaw clenches as people flurry around, his gaze brimmed with desperation.
he was looking for someone.
and that someone was you.
however, you don’t move a muscle, sitting as still as possible. another ripple of pain courses through you, yet you clamp down on your tongue. the cramping sensation originates from your lower abdomen, this wave far worse than the last.
hanging your head, tears well up in your eyes. the cramps started just this morning, right around nine. now, the austin sun was dipping below the horizon, promising of dusk.
your hands ball up, squeezing into fists as the pain intensifies. the adrenaline from qualifying was wearing off, and fuck, was it wearing off quicker than you expected.
“hey,” there’s a figure in front of you, his voice soft as he kneels, “baby, what’s going on? do i need to get a medi—“
“no,” you hiss, “i’m fine.”
“come on,” hands envelop yours, “follow me.”
you want to protest, yet he’s already helping you to your feet, wrapping an arm around your waist. you instinctively lean into him, grateful for his touch. a few members of the crew pause from their work, murmuring among themselves. you shrink a little, shame burning within as max practically allows you to lean against him.
fuck, was this utterly embarrassing.
oh, how the rumors were going to fly.
max verstappen’s girlfriend was so drunk at qualifying that he had to practically carry her out.
what. a. headline.
the walk from the garage to the motorhome is a blur.
before you know it, max has you in bed, prompting you to lay down. you obey, pulling the cover over you as he follows, bringing you in against his chest.
he hasn’t showered yet, and you pick up traces of his cologne mixed with perspiration. his hair is a haphazard mess, ruffled from the gear and his cap. his clothes cling to his body, more than likely from the sweat and heat of the suit.
lips graze your temple, fingers tenderly massaging your scalp.
“what’s going on?”
“nothing,” you shrug, “i’m okay.”
“bullshit,” he tuts. fingers grasp your chin, forcing you to look upward, “what. is. going. on?”
“i started my period,” your lower lip trembles, “and i’ve been dealing with cramps all day.”
“and you didn’t say anything?” concern dances in his intense gaze, “baby, there are medical staff on site who would be happy to provide you with anything you need. i’m sure asking for a couple of pain relievers wouldn’t have been an issue. you’ve been suffering like this all day?”
“it wasn’t a big deal,” you retort, warmth flooding your cheeks as tears overflow, “i wasn’t suffering. it’s just my period. i was fi—“
“don’t say that shit,” he cuts in, “when i saw you, you looked miserable. absolutely fucking miserable. you were nearly curled up in the fetal position in that chair.”
“maybe i just didn’t want to draw any attention to myself,” you mutter, burying your head into the crook of his neck, “i didn’t want to seem like i was high maintenance.”
“baby,” a chuckle rumbles in his chest, “asking someone for some medication or somewhere to lay down is not high maintenance.”
tears splatter against his shirt, your eyes squeezing shut, “now i just feel fucking worse because i took you away from you job. you’re going to get into some shit with the fia and it’s my fault.”
“listen to me,” his arms pull you in even tighter, his mouth planting gentle kisses along your forehead, “are you listening to me?”
“yes,” you nod, sniffling, “i’m listening.”
“when it comes to you, nothing else matters. you are my only priority. ensuring that you’re safe and sound comes first. taking care of you is what’s important to me. i would much rather make sure you’re feeling better than attend a press conference. i’ll deal with the repercussions in the morning.”
“are you sure?” your voice shakes, threatening to crescendo into a sob.
“yes,” he murmurs, “i’m sure. i love you.”
“i love you,” the words are a strangled cry, the fabric now soaked as the tears spill, “i love you so much, max.”
“i love you more,” heated hands find your back, kneading, “what do you need from me baby? say it and it’s yours.”
“i just want you.”
a laugh bubbles up in his throat, “you can have me, but you’re going to get a hot shower. then we’re going to go to hospitality to get you some food. after that, you can have me as much as you want. deal?”
“deal,” you shake your head, “can we get something sweet too?”
“we’ll get all the sweet things,” the words are tender, just what you needed to hear, “and we can pick you up a stuffy from the airport on our way home. we can even look for a trinket or two. the ones i know you like, the sonny angels or calico critters. how does that sound?”
“that sounds perfect,” the tears have ceased, a sense of relief rippling within max, “i would love that, max. thank you for being the best boyfriend ever.”
at that, he can’t help but melt a little at the sincerity laced within your tone, “of course, baby. anything for you. i can’t bear the thought of you in pain or uncomfortable. i’ll do anything to help you feel better.”
“even if it interferes with your job?”
“even if i have to pull out of the race tomorrow.”
“you’re ridiculous,” a light giggle fills the space, max’s lips forming a wide grin, “you wouldn’t do that.”
oh but for you, max verstappen would.
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen#mv33#formula 1#formula 1 x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen fanfic#mv1#f1 x reader#formula 1 fic#mv33 rb#mv1 x reader
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Hey, I found a beanie boo that I liked the design of but I can't stand those giant uguu eyes. Do you think it would be possible to replace them with smaller safety eyes akin to the old beanie babies? If yes, do you have any advice?
I was gonna answer this in a normal way, but then I got curious about trying it for myself and thought I might as well demonstrate!
So, I went and picked up a guy from the supermarket. The selection there was pretty barren today but I found a decent test subject:
Eye replacement procedure below!
(First of all, to my friend who loves beanie boos, I am so sorry for this lmao)
So! First I opened up the closing seam on his back. However, I found an extra mesh barrier inside! Clearly this is to prevent bean escape since this is the most likely seam to accidentally pop open through play. This would be a bit annoying to work around so I just sewed it back up and went in the back of the head instead…
Opened and unstuffed the head…
…And turning it inside out to get to the backs of the eyes. Whoa, these plastic washers are the biggest I’ve ever seen!! Cutting through them will take some work!
Please be very careful of your fingers cutting through these!! Be careful not to cut the fabric around the eye too, but mostly be careful of yourself!
Anyway grrrrrrr attack attack slice slice grrrr
They’re out! With a little glue I think the washers would be able to hold on perfectly well again. I’ll keep these eyes to reuse on something where they’ll be a bit more proportional!
The washers on these eyes are particularly cup shaped, fitting around the back of the eye and holding the fabric tightly against them. Now that the eyes are removed, this has left imprints on the fur!
Plenty of brushing and rumfling will help to fix the creased and flattened areas of fur, and wetting the fur or gently steaming over a hot cup of water should help too. It might take a little time!
(Also, I did make a little cut in the cheek while removing a washer, oops! No worries, that can be stitched up.)
Now we can try on a few new eye styles! Restuff the head for now so you can see how they’ll look.
I have a few sizes of solid black, from teeny dots to absolute tbh creature…
These blue eyes were a little scary… no thanks!
I even have some glittery ones like the original, but smaller! Pretty nice actually!
And even some googly eyes hehehe!
But my favourite eyes were some basic 9mm black ones! They are placed a little funny here, but the position will change a little bit…
The holes left by the original eyes were very big, so a couple of stitches are needed on each one to tighten them up to fit the new eyes. I stitched the top outer corners, to move the holes down and inwards a bit. If you wanted, you could even sew them closed completely and make new eye holes elsewhere!
Unstuff again and pop those new eyes in!
Restuff! You might actually need to add a little extra stuffing, as the fabric not being so pulled around the eyes any more will mean it is a little ‘baggier’.
Then sew the head closed again and that’s about it! The fur is still a little creased around mine, but I’ll keep working at it and it should become less visible.
To add a tiny bit more shape to the big round head, I also did a touch of threadsculpting. I ran a thread from the corner of each eye to below the chin and back, just pulling the eyes in a tad more. You might decide you don’t need this!
And there we go! Hope you’ll try it yourself!
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