#heshethey just has many of his memories

[viric-dreams]

It has been brought to my attention that I have not publicly talked about Ockham and religion.

The Ackerman family did not flee when Spain took over the region and the Inquisition pushed out the Jewish community, but instead went into hiding. Over the generations, a lot of their traditions remained, but the context behind it was often lost. This was something that his parents deliberately did not share with the children until they would be old enough to maintain that secrecy. There were some tells, however, ones that he would have never noticed were atypical at the time, and only discovered far after the fact, long after he fell into the sea and Ockham left the Is Not.

Things like the bread sausages his family would make, the overnight stews on Saturdays, how his parents would touch the bare door frame when they walked into the house never pinged as unusual. Never something worth mentioning to anyone.

It's likely that his brother eventually knew, the sibling who stayed home, especially after Flanders fell under French control and things loosened up a bit, but when the cholera epidemic claimed most of their family and his brother no longer wanted to speak to him, that information was lost.

[viric-dreams]

Reference Montage.

There's something odd about Ockham. Ockham seems cordial enough when you meet at a society soirée, or in the crowded lobby after a theatrical performance, even if Ockham seems to say very little. It's not until you get out into the crisp night air that you feel suddenly awake and refreshed, and the haziness of your encounter truly sets in. What were you talking about anyway? Did she say something important? Was it she? Or maybe it was he... you seemed to have known at the time. The longer you think on the encounter, the more nonsensical it seems. What did Ockham even look like? Your memory of him... them(?)... doesn't seem right, like trying to remember a dream... Perhaps it's best not to think too hard.

Though it would be many months before Ockham himherthemself would catch wind of it, Ockham is not the original sailor who fell into the mirrored surface of the sea, but rather his Parabolan reflection, and an amalgamation of memories and identity from both the original, as well as many from the Fingerkings in possession of said body for the better part of a century. Something like this is not unheard of in Parabola, but a creature native to the Is-Not should not have been able to escape to the Is.

The transition is not seamless. Ockham seems to give off significant viric radiation when outside of Parabola, and it tends to affect anyone who tries to interact with himherthem.

Ockham did eventually manage to track down the body of the Original, still possessed by Fingerkings. The interaction did not go well. This has left Ockham at something of a loss at what to do about it, that would not endanger hishertheir existence. Ockham wants some sort of revenge on the Cacophony, but cannot risk their retaliation to hishertheir counterpart, due to the very real risk that it would affect himherthem too. Expelling the Fingerkings, however, might also have negative effects, should the majority of hishertheir memories then return to their original host. It's a quandary.

-

Ockham speaks several languages (primarily Flemish and French, but also German and to a lesser extent Spanish and Portuguese). English falls near the middle of this range, though it's not a language that Ockham willingly learned or has any interest in improving (courtesy of being impressed into the Royal Navy, and now living in London). It's a language heshethey's been forced to use, and Ockham refuses to respect it. As a result, there is a very large gap between what Ockham might think, versus what heshethey would actually say aloud (this is partially due to linguistic difficulties, but also because Ockham doesn't often feel the need to voice most of hishertheir thoughts).

Ockham is very blunt and direct. Heshethey doesn't care much for etiquette rules and will cut right to the point. Ockham also finds a lot of the social stigma around certain topics in Victorian society silly, and has no compunction walking right over those taboos and discussing or acting on them. This occasionally leads to trouble.

Ockham is also stubborn, often to hishertheir own detriment. A certain degree of spitefulness also goes hand in hand with this. Ockham can and will hold very petty grudges. Heshethey can also be cruel or truly nasty at times, but never without provocation.

Heshethey is a quick judge of character, and steadfast to those who pass the vibe check, with a high breaking point for when an acquaintance would fall out of hishertheir good graces.

Ockham doesn't really have close friends. The language barrier and the difficulty being perceived don't make it easy. This doesn't bother Ockham much, since heshethey's used to and doesn't mind it. Ockham often seeks out busy spaces, just to spend time in and bask in the ambiance. Romantic encounters also often don't seem to have much depth, when some other priority inevitably catches Ockham's attention and heshethey doesn't have the time and energy to maintain an in-depth interpersonal relationship. Ockham is happy to enter a romantic or sexual relationship, as long as all parties are in accordance over its likely intermittent nature.

Ockham's clothing choices tend to favour practicality over aesthetic (practical to the mind of a working class 18th century sailor, at least), often dropping the respectable amount of layers when the weather grows too warm, without much care for the signals it sends off. Most of hishertheir clothing is in neutral colours, though heshethey is not impartial to a nice green. Ockham's hair was a long-standing point of contention with the Navy, and therefore out of principle extremely unlikely to change. Heshethey normally plaits it out of the way, though does occasionally wear it loose.

-

Ockham's original plans to work as a zailor were thrown out almost immediately after coming to the Neath. The Zee is a horrible place. There are creatures in there. Ockham set fire to hishertheir ship and has not looked back.

Though technically a Silverer, Ockham does not spend any time trying to attract clients. Most of hishertheir work nowadays is in tracking creatures in Parabola and collecting bounties for them. Ockham's also considering expanding into Parabolan imports and exports.

[viric-dreams]

Going to put a rough timeline together for Ockham:

1781:

Eduard Ackerman is born in Antwerp, in what was then the Austrian Netherlands, the second of what would be five children (and only one of two to survive to adulthood).

1792:

Antwerp falls under French control. Ackerman has since become the oldest living child.

1796:

Ackerman begins working on a merchant ship, involved in minor trade between nearby European ports, and sending money back to his family.

1804:

Whilst away, Ackerman receives a letter that the entire family is ill with cholera. Rather than try to gain passage back to Antwerp on another ship, he makes the decision to stay the course and return as planned, with pay for the full journey. By the time he returns, he learns his younger brother is the only one to have survived. This leads to a massive row between the two of them, in which his brother accused him of being callous and caring more about money than their own family. Ackerman argued that with the benefit of hindsight it would not have many any difference--even if he had taken the next boat back he wouldn't have arrived in time. And was it not his wages that was, in no insignificant part, supporting them all? His brother did not appreciate the logic of this argument, and it became the last time the two ever spoke.

1804-1812:

Ackerman continues work as a sailor, semi-consistently changing ships and never holding onto interpersonal relationships for long. In this time he has no fixed address, yet spent significant time in both Rotterdam and Hamburg.

Autumn 1812:

Whilst on shore leave in London, he's impressed into the Royal Navy.

1812-1814:

Ackerman serves against his will on a British warship, his desertion attempts unsuccessful. Shortly after conscription, the officers give him the nickname Ockham, seemingly unable or unwilling to pronounce his name correctly. He maintains sanity during this period with minor forms of rebellion.

Summer 1814:

His ship engages with a French vessel. Amidst the chaos and cannon fire he's thrown from the deck into the mirrored surface of the sea.

1814-1899:

Viric dreams under a cosmogone sun

1899 (Pt. 3):

Ockham wakes up in Fallen London during Whitsun of 1899.

Much has changed since hishertheir last memories of the place. Ockham tries hishertheir best to get back on hishertheir feet and adapt. Heshethey gets a job on the docks.

Things don't always seem to add up in the Neath. Acquaintances seem to struggle to understand Ockham, to remember details of their interactions, often yawning in boredom when Ockham's speaking. It only serves to worsen Ockham's already negative impression on Londoners, and the English specifically.

And then there are the dreams. Ockham dreams of a jungle, impossibly green. Heshethey lies on a cushioned bed of moss, soft as any cloud. Warm bodies surround himherthem, slithering and sliding across hishertheir limbs, like the sway of floating in a gentle sea. The mellow sounds of the jungle at rest are broken by the low drone of many conversations and it’s so easy to get lost in that hum. Sunlight trickles through the canopy of leaves, warming them all. The smell of saltwater hangs in the air, and the occasional call of gulls hint at a shore not far from here. This is peace. This is home.

Ockham learns of the existence of Parabola, the likely source of hishertheir recurring dreams (memories?) and vows to find it.

At some point in this saga, Ockham gets looped into killing the Vake. Sure, heshethey'll do it, if it enables hishertheir ultimate goal of crossing through the mirror.

Ockham becomes a silverer and begins exploring Parabola, searching for that clearing from hishertheir dreams. All the while, a familiar-looking figure seems to lurk just in the corners of hishertheir vision, never quite in catchable range.

1899 (Pt. 4)

Ockham continues the search for the location in hishertheir dreams. Heshethey decides to petition the Fingerkings for information. There's some sort of connection between them, Ockham can sense it. They seem, however, to be unusually elusive. Not a reptile in sight.

An unpleasant entanglement with The Thieving Stowaway (The Youthful Naturalist) results in Ockham zailing to Irem. There, heshethey finally corners a powerful Cacophony of serpents at the Market. Ockham tries to broker a deal with them, to take himherthem back to that place, or possibly back into their fold. That's why they have the connection, right? That's why some of Ockham's memories (dreams?) are so distinctly inhuman. The Fingerkings don't see it that way. They don't want Ockham. They have no use for himherthem. What would they do with a Parabolan reflection, especially when they already have the original. It's at this point that Ockham finally comes face to face with the familiar figure--the surface sailor whose face Ockham's mirrors. But appearances is where the resemblance ends. If there was once a person in there, any trace of life is long gone, an empty husk puppeted by the Cacophony. Whatever may have once been behind those eyes is gone now, leaving Ockham the sole steward of what used to be Ackerman, now woven together with a patchwork of Parabola.

Furious and frustrated, Ockham zails back to London, nearly drowning in the process during the harrowing voyage. Upon docking, heshethey sets hishertheir zub on fire, wrung out and thoroughly done with the Zee, and vowing never to step foot on a ship again.

Ockham spends the next several months coming to terms with the fact that heshethey're not human, but a creature of Parabola, imbued with the spirit and memories of what once was a person, and many of those of the Fingerkings.

Ockham bounces from job to job, untethered, slowly becoming involved in ventures in the Upper River.

Around this point, heshethey meets Tamara, and seeing someone so clearly lost and in need of a place to stay offers her a spare room in hishertheir flat.

This awkward but tentatively friendly relationship goes slightly pear-shaped upon Tamara discovering what Ockham is. They do manage to eventually mend it to an extent, and slowly begin to understand each other better, both figuratively and literally, as they both gain a common language.

Ockham is often away from London, busy in the Upper River and also Parabola. Heshethey begins a business selling Parabolan-grown ghost peppers to the Stags and rich Bohemians with more money than self-preservation skills.

All this draws to a violent end when the Cacophony makes their move, attempting to kill Ockham and break out of Parabola, something they couldn't do as long as Ockham was in the Is. They don't succeed, and Ockham manages to make it back to London, but it's no longer safe for himherthem to cross through the mirror.

Ockham needs to regroup and find a new profession.

[viric-dreams]

Since the topic's been going around and getting me thinking:

Ockham enjoys the typical shows of romance, particularly those expressed physically. Heshethey does struggle though to be the only person in a relationship and the only means of physical/emotional intimacy or support for someone because of hishertheir transitory nature and personal priorities overriding romance. The Greater London Polycule is a good fit for himherthem. Emotional intimacy might be a bit more difficult because of the current identity crisis happening, but heshethey wouldn't turn down sex or any kind of physical intimacy. That's something that Ockham doesn't really have any hangups about, possibly related to living in close quarters with people most of hishertheir life and seeing it as something mundane and relatively normalised. Especially with hishertheir eclectic set of memories and experiences (many of them serpentine), Ockham finds the sexual mores of Victorian Londoners particularly inane at times. These elements also makes Ockham open to trying pretty much anything a partner may suggest, at least once.

On the other side of the spectrum is Roberts, who's actively irked by any overt signs of romance on Grand Geode, usually because that means said sequencers are distracted or shirking duties. Realistically, the negativity comes from it being something that he feels that he could never have as a consequence of both his sexuality and position (though it's not something he's self-aware enough to know, nor wants to think about). Anyone making romantic overtures at this point would be pushed away out of a mixture of him not believing that he deserves it, that said person is after some sort of advantage because of his position, and that it would be a distraction from The Work, with a healthy bit of fear of the unknown thrown in for good measure. He's built up a ridiculous amount of intricate rituals around physical contact with people that make sense only to him. Having any sort of a sex life is a nightmare when you're almost everyone's superior officer and instantly recognisable, and come with enough emotional baggage to hold every piece of sentient clothing in Polythreme, and thus regulated to quick and faceless encounters, often in foreign ports. Even then, the intricate rules persist: sex is sex, direct and perfunctory. Kissing is off limits, absolutely no lingering touches, nothing that feels too much like intimacy or involves giving up control or trusting someone. Get what you're here for and go.

Nite's lack of memory has made everything a novel option and possibility. This is not necessarily a good thing. His strong streak for showmanship and craving attention lead to some somewhat extreme behaviour. Those grand gestures that only seem to work in romance novels are exactly what appeals to his sensibilities and he's convinced that they would work in real life, and is apt to try. If boomboxes and romcoms existed in this era, he would be that guy. It clearly seems to work in the films, so absolutely worth attempting in real life. Because a lot of what he imagines romantic behaviour is comes from stories and not real life experience, he starts with the idea that this is what romance and seduction should look like. Many of these things are things he doesn't even necessarily enjoy, but he tries anyway because what does he know, maybe that's just how things are done. This does eventually modulate over time, when he gets a better sense for his own preferences, and the flair for the dramatic remains, but tempered. He is also very quick to emotionally open up and try to deepen a relationship (either romantic or otherwise), often faster than the other person is comfortable with. After a handful of negative experiences he's gotten better at this. Unlike Ockham, whose sexual tastes generally tend to be broader and has a fairly solid sense of hishertheir boundaries, Nite has the same "I'll try anything" approach, albeit it closer to an "I have to try everything to know what I like" outlook, and no moderation or sense of pacing. This has led to a handful of upsetting experiences (both for himself and any partner(s) involved) when he inevitably discovers far too late that this was not a good idea. His lack of knowledge of his own boundaries makes him dangerous to both himself and others.

Tamara's been on dates with some of her peers back in Varchas, but it was never something that intensely interested her, nor did she ever have a serious relationship. It was expected that she would eventually settle down, either with someone of her choosing from a similar class background, or through a suitable suitor introduced through her family. She did enjoy the attention that flirtation brought, but would be the first to tell you that she doesn't really know what she wants out of a partner either romantically or sexually, but of course has plenty of time to figure it out. In London, she has far more important priorities at the moment and isn't even entertaining the idea. Her initial suspicion surrounding Ockham's kindness was quickly assuaged upon realising that heshethey doesn't necessarily want anything from her at all and offering her a place to stay was simply an act of one outsider recognising another and offering a helping hand. Of course, there's plenty more regarding Ockham about which to be suspicious, but that's a different topic.

The Rubbery Barber Surgeon is in a healthy and loving butch/femme relationship with The Tentaclar Surgeoness. He enjoys filling the traditional masculine role that the Surgeoness, a huge fan of pulpy romance novels, seeks in a partner. Thus far, things have gone well for them, and they seem perfectly compatible. She might just be the one. He may have visited a particular jeweler on Flute Street a couple of times. He's slowly planning a very special date night for them in the near future.