#hes trying to somewhat rectify the fact that she spend so long taking care of him

[mummelthecryptid]

Theoden & Eowyn // duty & love

[mirroralchemist]

*obligatory FFXIV Nameday fic*

Word Count: 6619 (again a long fic, I’m sorry) Notes: Okay look, it’s October. My birthday was in August. I was supposed to finish this by August. LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT THAT. But for reals this fic ran away from me a long while. I tried to make it a feel good fic from beginning to end but some angst had to get in there a little bit. I chalk it up to Ami being old af and she’s just in a mood(tm), mind you she’s only a year or two younger than Urianger. Also after 5.0 setting so SPOILERS.

Again thanks to @but-two-days-old for being my Urianger interpreter because THIS FEATURES A BIT OF HIM AND TRYING TO WRITE IT MYSELF MAKES ME EFFIN CRINGE MAN AND WAS LIKE 10% OF THE REASON I GOT STUCK ON WRITING. I love his way of talking but trying to write it, whew childe. 

A knock on my door brings me out of my morning activities. I particularly had nothing to do, but to maybe catch up on business I haven’t attended to in The Source. The knocking became more insistent as gathered myself together.

“Just a moment.” I called.

I eventually made the trip to said door, ready to give a bit of a remark about it being so godsdamned early. The words died on my lips as I saw who it was, a slight blush forming on my cheeks.

“Mornin’ Ami. I hope you weren’t sleeping.”

My eyes wandered over to Thancred. He seemed unusually chipper for the time of day it was. I winced at his mood.

“I wasn’t. In fact I was just getting ready to start on my morning training.”

“Perfect!” he spoke, “Mind a partner?”

I blinked for a moment. The request taking a moment to process in my mind. I scanned him up and down, noticing that he was appropriately dressed for such an endeavor. It strike me as odd, seeing as I never really told anyone my schedule during my down times. It could be that he just wanted to spend more time with me.

If I were to be honest, it was still hard to believe that we are in a relationship.

In the end I relented. Mayhap having a partner could prove beneficial, especially someone as well trained as Thancred. More than someone I love, I looked up to him as a mentor and valuable friend. I nodded as I stepped out of my room.

“Okay then, you might find a Monk’s training a bit different than what you’re accustomed to.”

*   *   *

The sun was set high in the sky by the time we walked into the threshold of the Crystarium.

The session had turned out to be quite fulfilling. There was a quite different experience of having an actual being to train with, rather than the usual striking dummies or imaginary opponents in my head. I glanced over to Thancred to see how he fared. Per usual, he seemed not as bothered.

Quite the opposite in fact, if that slight smile on his face was any indication.

It would only make my cheeks color faster. Remembering more so the downtime between each training session. The swollen lips and splotches of red hidden by my hair. He caught me staring. That only seemed to make his smile wider.

“That is becoming quite the color on you my dear.”

He only laughed as my blush became deeper.

I soon felt his arm around my shoulders, casually stroking the bare skin. Soon a pair of hurried steps made our way. We had almost separated, if it wasn’t for the fact that the steps belonged to Ryne. I smiled at the girl, though her expression seemed slight panicked.

“There you two are. I have been looking all around for you.”

“Sorry Ryne, training took more than expected.” I said.

She shook her head, “No, that’s quite alright. The Exarch had wanted to meet with us as soon as possible.”

I separated from Thancred as I crossed my arms, a thoughtful look crossed my face.

“Have he finally made progress in getting the others home?”

Ryne only shook her head.

“I don’t know. He just informed me it was important to get everyone together. The others are already in the Ocular waiting.”

I looked at Thancred, who only looked at me with a sudden seriousness. A brief nod was all it took before I followed after Ryne. It was automatic, going through the Aetheryte plaza to the Dossal gate. Up those familiar grand set of stairs to head inside the Crystal Tower, as I had always done since coming to The First. The guard there and Ryne shared the briefest of nods before opening the door to let us in. I calmed at the quietness as we entered. I always have a sense of nostalgia going here, even though it was not quite the same Crystal Tower I explored in Mor Dhona.

I was once told trying to make sense of time is quite an undertaking.

We reached the set of doors that would take us into the Ocular and stopped. I cocked my head to the side. Normally we would just walk in since the Exarch was expecting us. Instead, Ryne gave a few quick rasps on the double doors.

“They are here as you asked.”

“Thank you, send them in.” came the muffled reply.

Ryne moved out of the way and a slight push from Thancred put me at the front of the doors. They wanted me to open it, it seems. It didn’t quite match up in my mind what was going on. But it would not have been the first time I was suddenly thrust into odd circumstance. I put my hands on the door handles and pulled.

Only to be met with a flood of confetti.

I paused for the longest moment. My mind catching up to the suddenness of the past moments. I looked around the room. Celebratory decorations all around the perimeter of the crystalline blue walls with the floor sprinkled with the selfsame confetti (which hadn’t made a pile where I stood). In the middle stood a table, somewhat small but not too grand.

Placed right in the middle was a cake.

“Oh dear, I think we broke her.” came Thancred’s reply.

I shook my head out of the thoughts. I looked around some more. There I saw each of my companions, my family gathered in the room. Each one of them having the warm smile on their faces as they looked at me. In the center was G’raha probably smiling the warmest of them all. A larger hand soon fell upon my head, delicately removing the shredded paper that stuck to my blue locks.

“Dost knowest thine significance of this day, no?”

“Time is always a fickle subject to accurately discern.” G’raha began to explain, “So the dates may not exactly line up here in The First. But, if we were go to by the date of the Source, then today would be-”

“The Third Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon.” I finished, “My nameday.”

A few nods confirmed it.

For a moment, I didn’t react. Other than the surprise of the gathering, I was curious about how they knew of my nameday. I turned to look at Thancred, who looked quite pleased with himself.

“You were the distraction.” I surmised.

“Well, not entirely.”

I let a small sigh come out. The hand was was previously in my hair found its way intertwined with my own. The size easily dwarfing my own. I instinctively leaned into Urianger, feeling comforted by his being.

“Thank you all, really. But I never mentioned my nameday.”

“Tis true, thou didst not breathe a word of it to anyone; pray allow me to explain.” Urianger explained, “I recently chanced to hear from Mistress Tataru that thine nameday had not long ago passed-such 'twas a reminder that despite mine intent to do so, I most regretfully failed to impart unto our dear friends the importance of that approaching day, as we all are gathered so rarely and oft have far more pressing matters to discuss at those times. Yet this could not be let to stand, and at once did I hurry to make right mine unfortunate mistake.”

I looked towards him, seeing the twinge of regret in his eyes. I almost wanted to tell him that it was fine, after all I never bought it up. But seeing the how earnest he wanted to rectify (what he thought) a mistake I couldn’t tell him so. I suppose that was one of the reasons why I had grown to be enamored with him. I patted his back in a comforting fashion.

“My story of finding out...” G’raha added, “Isn’t as glamorous and not meant to be explained, given the intended mood of today. It seemed Urianger and I are like-minded when it was soon realized the day was fast approaching. We told the others and they agreed. Everyone here you helped in some fashion or another; without asking for a thing in return. Let us thank you by celebrating the day you came into this life, dear friend.”

“Raha…” I began to say.

I was speechless at his words. Speechless and a little homesick. Of course, I could come and go to Eorzea as I pleased. But becoming as close as I was to the Scions over our journey here it wouldn’t have felt the same. I rubbed at my eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall.

“If Thancred wasn’t so eager to provide the distraction, we would have put the Exarch to the task.” Alisaie quipped, “If we had agreed to his every whim, you would have had a nameday festival a week long. Understandably, he wouldn’t have realized that you would not want such publicity so in the end we decided to ban his involvement beyond making your cake.”

“Wha-hey!”

Despite my best efforts, a rather undignified laugh came out. I could honestly see it playing out exactly how Alisaie described. She looked quite pleased that her observations got a reaction out of me while G’raha gave a weary but appreciated smile.

“If we are done with explanations,” Y’shtola mentioned, “may I suggest we have our friend blow out the candles? I do not think scraping melted wax off the cake was a part of our plan today.”

I smiled at her before separating myself from Urianger. I took my time to examine the cake and its design. It was a simple, two layered cake with white whipped icing and berries placed on it. Two candles adorned each side of the top of the cake, the flames flickering ever so. Now, I had only dabbled in the Culinarian guild when I had first started but I can tell that considerable care went into its creation. The surge of happiness welled stronger in this realization. I took a deep breath. Giving a silent thanks to the gods for allowing me to have such a personal moment with my friends, I blew out the candles.

A chorus of applause and more confetti rained down on my head. This time, I didn’t stop the tears from flowing for they were of happiness. My heart wanting to burst with the tangible love I saw from each person in this room. I vaguely felt Urianger’s hands rubbing my shoulders in small circles to ease my tears.

It was a far cry from a short while ago; in which I was complacent in not welcoming this day.

“Come now Ami this is a joyous occasion, no tears here.” Alphinaud spoke.

I gave a nod.

The tears eventually stopped and the celebration got underway. It was a quiet affair, all things considered. I didn’t mind it overmuch. It reminded me of the namedays I had back home. There was only the three of us back then. Before I became an adventurer and subsequently a Warrior of Light. I could still remember how my guardians, as busy as they were, would always took a moment out to celebrate my nameday. Being raised in two different cultures it was never a dull moment.

I truly had missed them.

Once this is all over, I’ll go see them again.

Alisaie soon stood in front of me, her hands behind her back. She looked a bit embarrassed; although I would never point that out to her. Soon she thrust her hands forward to put an item in my hands.

“There!”

I blinked before looking down at what was exactly in my hands. It was a rapier. The blue crystal blade sparkled against the lights of the room. It was fairly light and I could feel the magicks imbued in such a weapon. I looked up at her, clearly confused.

While I had been working on my arcane skills to put to rest the other cardinal virtues, I never once mentioned it to the others.

Much less the methods to combat them.

“I had heard from the townsfolk in Mord Sorq that there are a couple of hunters trying to get rid of a particular sin eater there. I had to have figured it was your doing, as is your wont to help everyone you come across. They only came to me in realization that you were fighting in a similar style. Although I am quite cross you didn’t come and tell me you were going to fight in this way.”

“Sorry?” I meekly said.

“’Tis fine, ‘tis fine.” she waved off, “I fully expect to see you in battle with it sooner or later yes?”

“Of course,” I answered with a smile.

“Since my sister so subtly announced, I suppose it is time to give our gifts.” Alphinaud mentioned.

He stepped up to me as I put the rapier in my pack. I looked at him, still catching myself in awe that the young man before me was the haughty boy I had met when I had just joined with the Scions. Bearing witness to his growth during our travels in Ishgard and even now, I was proud of him. He placed a tin into my free hands. Simplistic in design and only wrapped with a singular ribbon. But even at this range I could pick up the fragrant scent of dried tea leaves emanating from within.

“I confess, it was quite difficult to decide on a gift for you. I even asked the Chais for their suggestions on the matter. They send their regards and insist you visit when you next happen upon Eulmore. Despite my many explanations they were rather insistent to personally hand their nameday gift to the, in their own words, ‘maiden I am enamored with’.”

I could see the light dusting of blush on his pale skin. I chuckled softly as I pulled him into a hug. I felt him stiffen for the slightest moment before relaxing into it. I was not one who usually show such affections for him, we usually had a silent understanding of our familial relationship.

“Thank you Alphinaud.” I spoke in earnest, “I shall go see the Chais at my earliest convenience.”

As we parted, another stepped up; Y’shtola in fact. The Miqo’te woman stood before me. Despite my greater height, I still at times felt smaller towards her. Someone who was assured of herself and her path, qualities I hoped that in my time here in the First I had somewhat began to grasp for myself. In her gloved hands was a hairpin. My crafting more so favored alchemic creations, but I could see the quality behind the simplistic design.

“You really shouldn’t hav-”

“Don’t be so modest now,” she interjected, “It is your nameday and it is completely allowed for you to be spoiled. For future reference, you ought to be more forthcoming with your hobbies. It was quite the task to discern a gift for someone who is quite secretive about what makes her happy.”

Her bluntness always took me by surprise regardless of hearing it so many times. I had appreciated that about her. It was why I could come to her for advice. I nodded at her words. Then she gave me a subtle wink as she went to affix the pin to the side of my hair.

“Much better. Your bangs were becoming a mess.”

I had fiddled with the looser part of my bang, suddenly self conscious. Y’shtola only chuckled at my reaction. I was not weary of the chuckle, but she always seemed to know more than what she lets on at times. I could never forget how she figured so soon about my more personal activities. The unmistakable clinks of jewelry intermingling with shifting robes could only tell me of one person who was approaching next. I crane my head to meet the gaze of Urianger. A subtle silence fell upon us.

A slight flourish of a bow before placing in my hands a tome. No, not a tome exactly but a journal. It was the same size of the one I normally carried during my more creative excursions. My hands ghosted over the dark blue, nearly black, leather bound cover. A quick thumb through saw the completely blank pages, with a thin ribbon used as a marker. I looked up at him once more noticing how his golden eyes sparkled in satisfaction. It made me feel a touch guilty, it certainly couldn’t have been an affordable item.

“Thank you, but I cannot accept this,” I said, extending the journal back into his space, “You especially did not need to give me anything. We wouldn’t even be celebrating my nameday if it wasn’t partially for you.”

He placed his hands on top of mines. I had hoped he would accept my decision. But in a rare bout of stubbornness, he pressed the journal towards my chest our hands never breaking contact.

“’Tis a small price to pay for the continued pleasure of your existence.”

“But-”

Before I could complete my protest, I was softly kissed. I blinked for a moment, noticing how Urianger’s tanned skin took on a slightly dusty shade as blush. He was not one for displays of affection such as this. It was still new to me as well. His thumb easily stroking the distance of my own hands. His gaze softened into a fond affection; one I could never tell if the nature was in friendship or love.

“Prithee accept this,” he spoke in a calming gentle tone, “'Tis but a small token of mine appreciation, for the compassion thou hast shown me when mine actions hath left me most undeserving of it...and a token I most deeply hope to bequeath unto thee not only this day, but for as many more of thy namedays as I may be privileged to be some small part of."

He had spoken it softly, but with such conviction. I looked away, his words having an effect on me. I nodded minutely, having no reason to refuse the gift now. His hands and left mines, one going to rest on the small of my back. It lingered there for quite some time before the affectionate gaze morphed into one of satisfaction and lips curled into a wry smile.

Oh, it seems that he did pick up a few habits from the pixies; the devious man.

“Um…”

I soon turned my attention to the small voice. I was soon met with Ryne’s shy posture. Her hands were behind her back as she looked at me with a quiet stare. It was honestly looking at myself at her age. Perhaps it was why I took an immediate liking to her. I waited patiently, not pushing her to speak her mind until she was ready.

“I wasn’t exactly sure what to get in these kinds of gatherings. But Captain Lyna said that these were good. So I figured you might like them too.”

She revealed soon after in her hands was a satchel. I took the item from her and unwrapped it, realizing it was foodstuff inside. Biscuits if my eyes were correct.

“They’re coffee biscuits.” she added, “It isn’t much but I hope you enjoy them. You’ve done a lot for me. I appreciate your strength and kindness, especially when I needed it most.”

I managed to free a hand to pat her gently on her head. I smiled softly at her honesty. My heart warming at seeing her slowly become more relaxed at the acceptance of my gift.

“Thank you Ryne, truly. I believe with Alphy’s tea I’ll enjoy these all the more.”

I heard a snort behind me, most likely Alisaie. Along with the hushed murmurs of Alphinaud. Ryne stepped back from me, making her way back to the side of her (basically) guardian. My eyes found itself locking into Thancred’s. He seemed somewhat guarded, something I wasn’t wholly unused to. No, ever since we met again in this land he had always taken up that sort of reaction. Taking his task as a Gunbreaker to heart, I’d speculate.

“Go on.” Ryne spoke to him with a nudge.

He stumbled a little, surprised at the surprising boldness coming from her. He gave the most bewildered look, causing me to chuckle. He seemed to have noticed it too, looking at me with a tired expression. But it was in good spirits. He slowly made his way towards me, stopping just in front. Even now, after everything, being this close still caused me a bit of rush to my chest. He placed a gloved hand on my shoulder, smiling at me.

“Well, I had an entire speech prepared to shower you in unending praise and affection. But Urianger beat me to it. So I suppose something a bit shorter is in order.”

He finished the statement by giving a pointed look at Urianger. He only responded with a knowing smile, the same he gave me.

“At any rate, we would be here for a long time if we were to speak every whisper from our hearts. So I won’t. You already know what is in mines; I’ve spoken them to you so many times in private, I need not repeat them. You have done much, my dear. Most especially for a fool like myself and appreciate every act, now and evermore.”

He placed in my hands a gunblade. I stared at it in confusion. It was my gunblade, in its more compact state. I glanced back at him, ready to question it.

When did he get my gunblade?

“It seems,” he began, seemingly knowing the question, “while you had your talk with Urianger some time ago, you left it behind. I had always intended to give it to you, but seeing as your nameday was approaching, might as well hold off until then no?”

I could only nod numbly to his explanation as I stared right back down at the blade. It looked unassuming and a poor choice of gift. But I could tell, having used it for so long, that it was different. The condition of it was vastly improved, its hairline scratches completely cleared. I stepped back to give it a quick swing, noticing how much faster it shifted from compact to battle states. Smoother as well. I couldn’t test it here but I had an inkling that it would perform better against enemies too.

“You had it augmented?”

The smile on his face only confirmed my inquiry. I let it go back into its compact state before putting it away. I looked around, seeing everyone had their eyes on me. It was as though they wanted me to say a few words. I let my head fall in nerves of what to say. I was never one for public speaking. I took a deep breath before meeting everyone’s gazes once more.

“I honestly don’t know what to say.” I began, “I’m grateful for everything. I may not say it a lot, but thank you for everything. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t know of your friendships and love.”

Each of them nodded, agreeing with the sentiment.

Eventually we all had settled into a comfortable atmosphere around the Ocular. I assume we all needed a small respite from our separate endeavors. Even if it meant I would be a bit embarrassed about having attention focused on me. I could bear it for the day.

Though, I couldn’t help the feeling I was being watched.

Granted that it was my nameday; it should have been normal to being watched. This felt different. I looked around eventually finding that the source of the stare was Alisaie. She just stared at me. It wasn’t an exactly uncomfortable stare but it was scrutinizing. Once more she made her way to me, as the small pout formed on her face.

She was more temperamental than Alphinaud, so I could never quite prepare for her.

“Ami,” she began carefully, as if she was considering her words, “It’s none of my business who you spend your personal time with and I know you won’t do it on purpose. But don’t you hurt Urianger. He’s family and I’ll see to it if you do.”

I blinked slowly, letting her words sink in.

A full blush settled on my face. She was quite serious in her warning. The way she put her hands to her hips and settled into a warning glare. There was a vague thought of her bluntness rivaling Y’shtola’s.

“Are you sure about that claim Sister?”

Alisaie and I turned our focus towards the source of the question. Alphinaud had heard us and was soon standing beside us. He seemed to be in thought.

“It was not that long ago I had seen her and Thancred around the Crystarium and they seemed particularly close.” he noted.

If I could I would have blushed even deeper. I knew exactly the moment Alphinaud had witnessed. It had began as just a simple walk around the city but it soon escalated into something much more intimate.

...nevermind the fact that we were meeting with Urianger that day.

“I am not particularly knowledgeable on the subject but I am sure friends do not kiss in the way those two do.”

“Surely you can see that Ami’s heart has always been for Thancred?” Alphinaud countered.

“And I am not denying that, dear brother,” Alisaie said, “but I am telling you that there is more than mere friendship...unless…”

“Unless?”

I could see Alisaie in deep thought over her words. I remained silent on the matter, embarrassed about what was transpiring. It seemed painful long minutes before she finally looked up at me. I could see the faint color on her cheeks while her eyes widen in surprise towards me.

“She’s seeing them both at the same time.” she suddenly said.

Now, a lot happened in that moment.

I was not sure if she knew, but she had reached that conclusion rather loudly. An immediate silence fell over the room. Suddenly all eyes were on me. A rather undignified gasp left me like I had been gut punched.

Although, it wouldn’t be too far from the truth.

“Finally!” came Y’shtola’s voice, “We can stop pretending we did not know.”

My head turned so fast to the Miqo’te who only responded in kind with a sly wink. A part of me should have known it wouldn’t have escaped her notice. Oh gods, I wanted to go back to my quarters at that moment.

“Come now,” she continued, “you honestly did not think it would escape our notice your particular affinities in recent times? You can do a lot, Ami, but when it comes to your feelings it is very clear.”

I opened my mouth to attempt to speak, but promptly close it. There was no point to refute it. Especially since it was never my intent to hide my relationships. I just hung my head low and let out a hard sigh. I soon felt both my hands being grabbed, seeing that Urianger and Thancred had each taken a hand. They seemed to share a look before leading me right out of the Ocular.

“Now then,” Thancred said, “since everything is out in the open. Fine time to whisk our damsel away for a more private nameday celebration, no?”

The way he emphasized private left no doubt what he had implied. I heard a chorus of groans from the others as I threw an apologetic glance at them.

"Thancred, mayhap 'twould be best for thou to keep some secrets...?” I heard Urianger remark.

His eyes were suddenly staring at the back of my neck.

…where the hickeys from Thancred’s “distraction” still laid.

*   *   *

It was late at night, I realized. I stared up at the ceiling of my room within the Pendants. My body feeling a pleasant high while my brain tried to focus from the haze of sleep and blissful release from the last few hours. Celebrations that continued quite long into the night, showing a much more physical appreciation of my nameday. Thinking of it now brought a tingle though my body. As content I was at the present moment, the need to move was greater. Carefully I left my bed.

As careful as I could considering I was sandwiched between an Elezen and a Hyur quite adamant on lavishing me on physical affection.

Once I was up and dressed in more modest sleepwear, I stared at their sleeping forms. It was odd to think that in such a short time I would find myself in this setting. The me back then would have never scarcely believe myself being the focus of affection for two men. I shook my head from the thoughts and walked towards the dining table. My eyes scanned over each of the gifts given to me for my nameday as it reminded me how much I was cared for.

It was these reminders that help me see that I am more than my duty.

I poured myself a mug of water and began to drink from it. It wasn’t long before I heard the soft knocking. Who could have been out here so late, I wondered. The knocking grew a bit insistent, but never rising.

Most likely knowing the occupants in my quarters.

I opened the door, surprised it was G’raha on the other side. Still in his Exarch attire I see. His crimson eyes not quite looking at my blues while his hands wrung nervously. It reminded me of him approaching my room before we were to meet to discuss the last Lightwarden.

Had G’raha always been this shy?

“Forgive me for the late visit.” he spoke, “I did not want to...interrupt your prior engagements if I had came earlier.”

I shook my head at him, blushing that he indeed knew exactly what was going on.

“It’s fine. What can I do for you?”

“Walk with me?” he asked.

I stood at the threshold of my door for a moment, thinking of his request. It did not escape my notice that he was awfully quiet during the get-together. I had wanted to thank him as well since he was the other half of the celebration even happening. But then I was whisked away before I could get a word in.

“If you’re gonna go,” came Thancred’s sleepy murmur, “go.”

My head instantly turned to my bed. Only to meet gazes with Urianger. The sheet had pooled around his waist, giving me quite an eyeful of his bare chest. Even after all this time, it still takes me by surprise how fit he actually is under the robes.

“If there is aught thou yet wouldst say to another, prithee go and do so” he spoke, absently stroking Thancred’s hair.

I don’t think he knew he was doing that consciously; or maybe he did with how his gaze softened so at the touches.

“- that any further distractions may be far from thy mind tonight.”

I nodded. Not that I needed their permission, but I felt comforted all the same of their acceptance of the late night excursion. I slipped on a pair of shoes before closing the door behind me. G’raha seemed surprised at my choice of attire, refraining from any comments on it. The walk was quiet, save for the workings of those who were on the nightly shift of the city. A sense of peace washed over me every time I walked through the Crystarium, it felt like home for me. Many minutes passed in this mutual silence until we walked up the stairs of one of the watchtowers looking over the city.

The very same I was told was G’raha’s favorite spot which transformed into mines as well.

From there we stared at the Crystal Tower. A wave of nostalgia filled me, yes it was reminiscent of the night before we ventured into the void. It seemed he too reached the same thought, if the wistful gaze towards the tower was any indication.

“Thank you for seeing me so late, my friend.”

“No trouble.” I waved off, “It’s the least I can do. You’re the other half why we celebrated my nameday.”

He settled into a smile then. He took some breaths, setting his eyes towards me once more. There was a different air around us. Something set by the wealth of changes both of us had gone through from that night on the Eight Sentinels.

“I cannot help to feel like the young man from then being like this.” he admitted.

He grabbed something from his robes before pressing it into my hands. It was a small box, I realized. I blinked at the container before looking up at him once more. A smattering of a blush across his face as he absently scratched at his crystallized cheek.

“Before you can protest, I wanted to at least give you a gift. The others may have prohibited my involvement with planning but they said nothing of gifts.”

I frowned at him slightly before setting out another sigh. I reluctantly accepted the box and opened it. For a solid moment I was stilled from shock. My eyes settled on the item quickly glancing at him before looking back down at the item once more.

“If I could, I would give all of myself for you. But I hope this is enough.”

I couldn’t help the full on blush creeping onto my skin. Very few moments in life now catch me genuinely off guard, this was one of them. Was he-? I shook my head. He couldn’t have. He knew now of my situation.

“Raha,” I began to say in a firm tone, “It’s a ring.”

“Yes, it is.”

“But it’s a ring.” I say again.

His brows knitted close, thinking of my statement. It must have been a full minute before they rose, his ears rising too. That blush bloomed as he came close to being just as red as part of his hair.

“Oh...no.” he finally said, “Oh! I-I had only meant that I wished to fight by your side more. To help more than I had prior. I did not mean-that isn’t to say that what I feel for you isn’t similar but...Ah! Forget I said that!”

I watched as he fretted about his words. He seemingly confessed more than he intended. Seeing him so brought a chuckle out of me, rising until it was a full laugh. Tears started rolling down my face at him. He noticed my state, frowning a little but eventually joining in the laughs too.

“I’m sorry,” I said between fits of laughter, “I am not laughing at you. Just, I missed this.”

The sounds of our joined laughs kept on for quite a while. When it settled enough we both were sitting on the ground. As I regained my composure, I put the ring on my index finger. It was a perfect fit. I was a bit suspect how exactly my ring size was known so readily. But that would be a question for another time. It was slight, but I felt the hidden power behind the jewelry. It was simple; something that actually fit with what I preferred in my gear. I slung an arm around his shoulders and brought him close to my side. I felt him stiffen at the touch, eventually relaxing into it.

“Thank you Raha. For everything.”

I touched at my heart with my free hand.

I released my arm from his shoulder and hugged my knees to my chest. I let out a small breath as I looked towards the Crystal Tower once more.

“You called me your inspiration. But I feel the opposite is true as well.” I confessed.

He turned to look at me, eyes widening in shock.

“I had decided I was going to work harder so that when you awoke, the realm would be far better than the state it was when you slept. Even as the weight of the path became heavy to bear at times. You had inspired me to keep going even if I felt less than adequate for the task. I have Her Blessing, but when you strip that away what else is the-ah. Forgive me, you called me out here and here I am unloading my burdens.”

“No! No, please. Continue, I want to hear it all. I feel honored that you trust me with your burdens my friend.”

It took a moment but I nodded. Hearing him call me his friend made it easier. Whether it was the atmosphere around us or the realization I was older now made it easier to give words to these thoughts.

“Some times I think if I did not have Hydaelyn’s blessing, what else is there to me? I see the people I fight with and wonder how I found myself into their fold. I’m not as smart as Urianger and Y’shtola. I cannot gather information like Thancred can. I barely know how to broker diplomatic relationships like Alphinaud. And Alisaie, she goes to her convictions with such zeal that I can’t even began to imitate. Even Ryne, as new as she was, has taken to the legacy she inherited and molded it into her own self. I look at all of them and then look at myself.”

G’raha did not say anything for a long time. I feared that I had said too much for him. I did not want anyone else to feel guilt over these words. I heard the shuffle of him standing up and moving. It wasn’t for long before he stood over me, looking intently into my eyes. He seemed to glow with the back light of the night sky and the Crystal Tower’s illumination.

“That might quite possibly be true.” he conceded, “You do not have quite the same extensive qualities the other Scions do. But are you aware of what you do have? Kindness, a readiness to help others on your own accord. Oh how I hear about your praises all around the city. Your knowledge of topics may not be as vast, but you acknowledge it and try to make an effort to expand it. Whenever the others report while you are resting, nary any report goes by without some mention of the gratitude of what your presence brings to the table. You have an inner strength Ami. An inner strength so beautiful and shining that it draws others towards you. It drew me towards you, it was how I knew you would be remembered by all walks of life my dearest friend. That is something that was never blessed upon you, it’s always there and can never be stripped away. Remember that when the weight of your burdens become too much.”

I fell silent at his words as it pulled at my chest. I was almost ready to cry. To hear those words so fervently. Somewhere within I should have known this. But I hadn’t and it took this to realize it. His hands reached out and touched at my cheeks, wiping the stray tears away. His expression softened.

“No tears. Your partners would be quite displeased if I returned you in such a state.”

I laughed lightly as I rose from my seat. I nodded to myself before gathering G’raha into an embrace. The little mewl of surprise did not escape my ears and only spurned me to use my physical strength to lift him up a touch off the ground.

“Thanks Raha.” I said again, “My dearest friend. Thank you.”

[chieux]

[two] expo 86

preview: It doesn’t take much to imagine how it would be if the position switched—Suga no longer against his side, but under him. Creating scenarios is uncharted territory as Daichi has never let his thoughts travel this far before, but the more he tries to stop them the more aware of them he is. The sweat that drips off Suga's hair is no longer from practise; that vanilla smell is no longer restricted to his own skin.

alternatively titled: daichi is not as ace as he thinks he is

Even with college, Daichi finds himself busy between the work, volleyball and volunteering. Sometimes there’s barely enough time in the day to eat before bed, let alone indulge in idle thoughts. He knows that sleep is crucial to surviving the year but knowledge and willpower isn’t enough to override his own body. Even if sexual thoughts make him uncomfortable and hesitant, it doesn’t seem to slow his hormones down. It’s always worse when he’s tense, as if his body has found a punishment for how far he’s managed to push it again. Or at least that was what Daichi used to think, back when he knew even less about himself and heard Tanaka coach others on “stress relief” one too many times. As he grows older, it’s even harder to convince himself that it’s purely biological—he’s analyst by nature, naturally versed in the psychology of everyone around him. Unfortunately, this insight has recently started to spread to his own behaviour and thoughts. The patterns have started to shift in his mind, all connecting and entwining until it’s impossible to remain ignorant any more.

He’s spent the day with Suga, as he has every time this has happened for the past few years.

It wasn’t as frequent before, maybe once in a blue moon, but recently he’s realised it’s quickly passing the ‘more than monthly’ milestone—the fact milestones are being created is alarming in itself. It’s not even like Suga really does anything, which is all the more confusing to Daichi. On the days that Suga does manage to convince his captain to take a break, they often spend the time watching the dramas that Daichi’s come to somewhat obsess over. It’s nice to watch how happy other people are with themselves and their romantic endeavours—in all honesty part of him knows he’s become the epitome of vicarious living, but he pretends otherwise when Suga sighs over the boring parts. He often wonders what Suga makes of the relationships they’re watching, but the man seems to spend more time teasing Daichi than answering seriously. It only confuses him further, always self-conscious that he’s the only person who seems to take romance and sex so personally and awkwardly. He can’t bring himself to ask Suga if he’s always just as stressed; he can’t bring himself to be anything less than everyone’s expectations of him. The worst had been when Michimiya finally said something and the whole team had decided that they were all going to say something about it, harmless hits to the back coupled with “obviously you two had a thing! ” Daichi had agonised over whether it was obvious—did he have a thing for her? Was he supposed to know he did?

When he’d finally found the words to express his regrets, Daichi was even more surprised to find that he’d been more upset by the whole process than she had.

Confessions still pop up sometimes and they are still as emotionally draining as ever. He usually goes back to Suga’s afterwards to recharge, frowning to himself as the man comments that “ of course they probably thought that, you’re too friendly! ” Friendly isn’t romantic to Daichi and he doesn’t understand how everyone else seems to translate it into flirting. Still, it’s nothing that another marathon of dramas hasn’t ever fixed—at least until now. The drama marathons seem to be part of the problem, especially when the quality of this season has been so poor. Even Daichi has to agree with Suga’s critiques, which are often negatively biased from the onset. He can’t lose himself in something with a terrible plot, attention falling elsewhere. That elsewhere seems to be on the warmth of Suga next to him, always comforted by the minimal touching. Daichi doesn’t think he’s someone who is desperate for affection, but there is something so reassuringly human about being next to his best friend. It’s only natural to lean against each other, often nudging one another until Suga realises Daichi is being sappy again and idly wraps an arm around his shoulders. Thinking of that makes Daichi smile in a mixture of embarrassment and adoration, always grateful of how much his best friend cares about him. Suga is always giving him reassuring smiles, comforting the spiker just that little more than anyone else manages to.

It’s not just that; he enjoys Suga’s smile on an aesthetic level too. The man is too pretty for his own good, especially with how his eyes contrast against the lightness of his hair. They somehow manage to look warmer than anyone else’s, as if there’s another layer of depth that Daichi wants to reach before anyone else can. Even his eyebrows just add to the look, thick and yet far more expressiveness than anyone else’s. He knows that everyone in the world probably comments on Suga’s mole too, but he can’t help adoring that too. There have been times when he’s brushed a thumb over it, always when Suga is upset or in need of a softer touch and warmer words. Touch alone gives no indication that it’s there, but Daichi could chart a map of Suga without any visual cues. He’s spent far too much of his time watching the setter’s face, whether it be to share good memories or desperately seek out reassurance for the bad. Even today, Daichi had been amazed at how gracefully the man would laugh at the spiker’s despair. It doesn’t matter if Suga is laughing to tease or out of nowhere—he always looks like he’s in control of his facial expressions, as if he means to fill the room with warmth and reassurance. More than that, he manages to incorporate aspects of femininity into his appearance in a way that accentuates how beautiful his features already are. Daichi is reminded of this when he least expects it, in ways that twist his chest until it's momentarily paralysing. It’s when Suga passes him a drink from the vending machine, adjusts his scarf another inch or takes an extra second to think about how to answer a question. All these fleeting moments seem to stick with him, reflecting upon them when his thoughts start to tentatively explore the boundaries of sexuality. He never actively tries to think about Suga—if anything, Daichi spends a lot of his time trying to avoid thinking about anyone. He still isn’t comfortable with masturbation, and the idea of thinking about someone with sexual connotations is the same as using them to him. Usually it’s nothing a sharp hand to the face won’t rectify, but even his embarrassment isn’t enough to stop him.

Suga is all-consuming.

Sometimes, when they’re so exhausted from practise that boundaries don’t exist any more, Suga ends up resting his head against Daichi’s. It hasn’t happened in a while, but Daichi’s mind can recall it as if it’s a current reality. He’s fallen asleep next to Suga on many occasions, even more so now that he’s always exhausted from how many responsibilities he’s taken on in college. His best friend never seems to mind if he drifts off to sleep in the middle of a movie or watching a volleyball match, soothed by the unmistakable smell of Suga. He knows that vanilla is an artificial flavour, but it’s somehow seems natural—as if his hair has always been scented that way. It seems to seep into his skin too, noticeable when Suga ruffles his hair to gently wake him up again. Suga is mostly soft, a fact he also knows well. In turn, he’s touched the man’s hair countless times, always amazed by how different the texture is to his own. Even when they’re covered in sweat from a match, Suga manages to present as if such a look is natural. Somewhere along the line his thoughts don’t match up completely; one moment he’s envious of Suga’s beauty; the other he’s reminded of how the setter’s hair feels against his cheek, tickling and teasing. It doesn’t take much to imagine how it would be if the position switched—Suga no longer against his side, but under him. Creating scenarios is uncharted territory as Daichi has never let his thoughts travel this far before, but the more he tries to stop them the more aware of them he is. The sweat that drips off his hair is no longer from practise; that vanilla smell is no longer restricted to his own skin.

It doesn’t just end with Suga under him; that’s only the start. Daichi is far more captivated by how pale the setter is in comparison. Daichi seems to bask in the summer sun, heritage insuring the rays never do much more than add a darker layer to his skin. On the other hand, he knows Suga will burn easily—so much so that Daichi has to remind him to take breaks and reprimand him in the captain voice he’s less comfortable using against the setter now they’re older. The knowledge of how badly Suga reacts to heat is another weapon his mind uses against him, picking past images of sunburn and twisting them so that Daichi has become the sun to his skin. Part of him knows where this is heading but most of him is too startled by his own imagination to stop, dissociating from his own soft pants and instead translating them into Suga’s instead. He knows the shape and size of the setter’s body, having touched thousands of inches of it; but there’s places he hasn’t touched, and his hands suddenly ache for them. Suga may be small in comparison but it doesn’t make him any less attractive. He’s spent hours watching the setter move, keeping the man company long after Daichi’s own practise has finishing. Suga may be humble about his abilities but Daichi has seen him move with the kind of fluidity that can only be achieved with a perfect balance of weight and height. It’s the kind of fluidity that translates well into Daichi’s scenario, breath hitching and whining as he imagines the setter’s body wrapped around his; he wants to experience all these new unknowns.

More than that, he actually wants Suga to touch him too. Although he could spend all day mesmerized by the setter’s soft skin, he knows that there are harder aspects to him too. Suga has poured hours into being a setter, something that makes Daichi’s heart flutter far more than anything else. He knows how the volleyballs erode skin over time, as if to mark progress with calloused almost-scars. While Daichi’s forearms have long since lost their sensitivity, he’s managed to keep his hands relatively soft. The same can’t be said for Suga, who has little choice but to constantly handle the ball. It’s only when he considers this that he finally moves to touch himself, hoping the guilt will absolve itself later. It’s normal— he reassures himself, thinking of how often his teammates have spoken of their own fantasies. It’s normal— because he’s read a Yahoo article about how men can think about other men without it meaning anything; it’s just a thing that people do. The fact he’s even had to research something to set his mind at ease should be enough of a worry for him to realise why he’s so focused on Suga—but it isn’t. Instead, all the justifications and reasons are drowned out by his previous thoughts. His fingers aren’t thin enough to be comparable to Suga’s, but the sensation is more than enough. Everything adds up in his mind, combining all the different aspects until the panic in his mind is inaudible. It’s all suddenly heat and sweat, face half-pressed into the pillow in an attempt to muffle how pathetic his breathing is now. He wants Suga , a demand his mind is happy to oblige to. It doesn’t take much longer for Daichi to finish, brain focused on so many things at once that it’s overwhelming.

There’s a couple of seconds where everything feels kind of okay. He’s able to breathe again, mind blank and peaceful. Part of him hopes that it will stay that way and he won’t feel guilty about this, but that just seems to trigger him into remembering that he’s supposed to feel terrible anyway. The horrible seasick feeling in his stomach makes him sit up instantly, lightheaded and fumbly. He runs his hands through his hair in shock, slapping his face a few times before just giving up and groaning into his palms. The sweat seems to dry too quickly, making his skin feel icy cold but he’s too frustrated to do anything about it. Daichi is good at reading other people and he’s starting to get better at reading himself, but this—whatever this is—is still far beyond his comprehension. How can he keep telling himself this is normal platonic behaviour? How is he supposed to look at Suga during practise tomorrow? How can one man be so pathetic when it comes to self control, something that Daichi is supposed to be an expert in? Being a teenager was difficult, but being an adult is a hundred times worse. There’s a brief second where he considers texting Suga anyway—not about this, because this does not exist beyond the next hour of panicking—but about anything else his mind can possibly come up with. He wants reassurance, although he isn’t sure what he wants reassurance about. Whatever the case, he knows Suga can soothe him without having to know the subject matter, and maybe that’s just the problem. He groans into his palms once more, far more frustrated this time as some of the anger starts to bleed through. Daichi can only stand another second of sitting around before he pushes himself off the bed, freaked out by the drying cum he’s managed to spread across himself. He’s running the shower within minutes, purposely setting it to freezing and feeling far more cleaner as his skin breaks out in goosebumps and shivers under the water.

Another milestone.

[mdelpin]

Stellar Performance - Chapter 2

Gratsu Bingo 2019 Prompt: Free - Concern AO3 | FF.Net

Ch 1

Chapter 2

Gray had been looking forward to going home. He’d spent the whole day helping out with the construction of the new guild, listening with dismay to all the whispers of how he and Juvia had supposedly “shacked up” for six months. No matter how many times he’d tried to explain that’s not what happened, no one had listened, too intent on the juicy gossip to care about his feelings.

He’d lost track of Natsu sometime during the day, and that saddened him. Things between them had most definitely not been the same since returning from his mission infiltrating the Avatar cult. The disappointment he’d seen on Natsu’s face at seeing him in that place had almost made him forget that he wasn’t there of his own volition.

It had been painful to tell Natsu and Lucy he didn’t consider them friends anymore, but he’d had to do it so as not to jeopardize the mission. He’d explained his actions to them afterward, and although Lucy had accepted his apology, he could tell that something was still bothering Natsu about the whole situation.

They’d barely talked since and that hurt Gray more than he’d let on. The whole year they’d been apart Gray had thought of Natsu often. About how things might have been different if he’d dared to confess his feelings after the Grand Magic Games.

Would Natsu have stayed or would he have asked him along, instead of leaving like a thief in the night with only the briefest of notes to Lucy? Even that had hurt, Gray had known Natsu far longer than Lucy, yet the note had been written to her. Did that mean the dragon slayer was in love with her?

Gray always stopped his thoughts there, not willing to give up on the hope that his feelings might be returned. So instead he’d think of what Natsu might be up to in his absence. Sometimes he’d amuse himself, imagining the types of trouble Natsu might be getting into, but mostly he worried.

Tartaros had opened a lot of wounds in its wake, wounds they were all still slowly recovering from, but the dragon slayers had certainly had it the worst. And none worse than Natsu.

Sure, Gray had lost his father again, but he’d already mourned him once, and he’d chosen to look at the little time he’d gotten to spend with Silver as a gift, no matter how awful the circumstances around it had been.

But Natsu had lost Igneel, who had been his driving force since the day Gray had met him all those years ago. He’d found out his father had been hiding inside him all along and before he even had a chance to talk to him he’d witnessed Igneel brutally killed in front of him by the same dragon that had almost destroyed them at Tenrou.

Gray knew that had to be tearing him apart, and he’d wanted to ask Happy how Natsu was doing, but he was afraid of the answer, knowing that when it came to keeping strong feelings bottled up, Natsu could give him a run for his jewels. He wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how to go about it.

So even though he was tired he walked around Magnolia, trying to come up with a way to talk to Natsu while taking in the subtle changes the city had undergone as it had once again been forced to rebuild.

He kept an eye out for Juvia, aware that she wanted to talk to him about his abrupt departure from the house they’d shared, but he’d been evading that particular conversation just as much as he’d been trying to initiate one with Natsu.

He didn’t feel he owed her anything, she’d guilted him into letting her live with him, it wasn’t something he would’ve chosen for himself. He’d wanted to be on his own, to grieve and to train in the new magic his father had passed on to him, but even training felt empty without Natsu there to push him.

Before he knew it, he’d reached the park and spotted Natsu sitting by himself underneath one of the large trees. He stopped in his tracks and bit his lip, but Natsu had already scented him. He looked up and gave Gray a hesitant smile even as he wiped at his eyes.

Gray decided to take that as an invitation and made his way over, his heart racing as he worried about how it would go. He sat down next to Natsu and remained quiet, taking in the beauty of the park and ignoring the racing of his heart as he wondered where this conversation would lead them .

Xxx

Lyon and his team had just entered the guild after a particularly difficult mission. They were tired but happy to have completed it successfully with minimal injuries, although Toby had managed to poison himself once again. Lyon looked for Ooba, their wizened guild master, wanting to report on their mission before heading home to a shower and bed.

He spotted her sitting at a table talking to a man with orange hair, and he began to feel uneasy. Ooba was smiling, which by itself was strange, but Lyon could swear his guild master was flirting with the much younger man. He stopped in his tracks, heartbeat quickening a bit as he hoped against hope that it wasn’t who he thought it was.

“Isn’t that the Celestial Spirit guy?” Yuka muttered, “What was his name?”

“Loke,” Lyon replied, keeping his voice low and wondering if he could leave the guild before the man noticed him.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about the night of the Orochi Fin attack. He’d convinced himself it had been a fluke, he was way too old to be having a sexuality crisis.

Lyon told himself the nascent attraction he’d felt towards the man was just interest at meeting a Celestial Spirit. But just being in the same room with the guy was making him feel jumpy, which wasn’t normal for him.

Ooba took that moment to notice their arrival, her smile withering into her usual scowl as she addressed her mages.

“Well? How did it go?”

“It went just fine, ” Lyon snapped, irritated that she would question them. “We were able to complete it without much trouble.”

“Is that so?” Ooba studied Toby carefully, “Then why does Toby look like he’s injured?”

“He injured himself,” Yuka informed her, “Again.”

“Toby, how many times have I told you to be careful? I’m going to spin you!” Ooba yelled as she moved her index finger in a circular motion, Toby’s body rotating in mid-air as he moaned piteously.

Lyon had been so fixated on what was going on with his team that he’d failed to notice Loke getting up from his chair and coming to stand next to him.

“Hey there,” Loke greeted him, making no effort to hide the fact that he was admiring Lyon. “I was looking for you.”

Lyon could feel himself getting flustered as a result of Loke’s ardent gaze. He willed ice into his veins, refusing to give the Celestial Spirit the reaction he was so obviously after.

“I hope you weren’t waiting for long?” Lyon replied politely, and he was pleased to see the Celestial Spirit deflate a bit at his aloofness, that was until he countered with a grin that went through Lyon like a bolt of lightning.

The poor ice mage thought he’d seen stars sparkle around Loke. This time he wasn’t able to hold the flush from adorning his cheeks as the room became unbearably warm.

“I could wait an eternity for someone like you,” Loke grabbed Lyon’s hand and kissed it. As much as Lyon wanted to protest, to say he wasn’t a woman and he didn’t like to be touched so freely he was so outside of his comfort zone, his brain didn’t seem capable of reacting as it usually would.

“You don’t know anything about me!” Lyon wrestled his hand out of the Celestial Mage’s grip, wiping it on his pants leg.

“A misfortune I would love to rectify,” Loke winked and just like last time it affected Lyon in ways he didn’t understand.

What the hell was happening to him? Why did this guy stir him up like this? Ugh! One thing was for sure he didn’t like it at all. Lyon didn’t like losing control, he preferred his world to be ordered, and Loke was a distraction he was beginning to resent, and he’d only met him twice.

Why was he putting up with it again? His brain helpfully reminded him that he was doing this for a good reason. Gray. They were trying to get Gray together with Natsu.

“So does your visit mean you have news?” Lyon asked with interest, now that he had Gray on his mind he used him as a shield against Loke’s charm.

“How about we go for a walk, I’ve heard the gardens are beautiful this time of year?” Loke suggested, looking around the guildhall with obvious distaste.

“Here is just fine,” Lyon was determined to stay, he had no desire to be alone with Loke. He was starting to look at this as a battle, and he could already tell he’d need the home advantage.

Loke just shrugged and took a seat at the nearest table. He made a gesture to one of the servers and ordered them some food and drink.

“I can order for myself, you know,” Lyon muttered wryly.

“You looked tired, I thought you might enjoy being taken care of for a bit,” Loke smiled innocently, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I’m only in this for Gray,” Lyon made sure to imbue his voice with as much of his element as he was able, but Loke only laughed.

“Are you sure you and Gray aren’t related by blood?”

Lyon arched an eyebrow, but Loke didn’t expand on his comment. “There’s nothing wrong with having some fun as part of a job is there?” Loke asked, but he backed off.

“I came to offer you news of Gray, but I don’t think you’re going to like it much.”

“What do you mean, is he alright?” Lyon immediately tensed up, as much as he’d been asking around he hadn’t been able to find any news.

“Well good news first, Fairy Tail has reformed with Erza as their Master,” Loke informed the Lamia Scale wizard.

“Erza?” Lyon scratched his chin as he gave the matter some thought. He would have expected Laxus to take over as guild master, Erza was a somewhat scary thought. As capable as the requip mage was, she was volatile. Then again, they all were.

Loke nodded, “They’re still rebuilding the guildhall, and most everyone is back, but Makarov is still missing.

"What about Gray?” Their food arrived, and Lyon had to admit everything Loke had ordered looked incredible, he made no comment though, knowing it would only encourage Loke.

Loke studied him for a moment, and Lyon was instantly worried, he had the look of a man that was trying to figure out how to best phrase something. “He is alright?”

“He joined a dark cult called Avatar.”

“HE DID WHAT?!” Lyon shrieked at the top of his lungs, causing everyone in the guild to stop what they were doing and look over at him with concern.

Lyon stood up from the table, grabbing Loke by the arm and dragging him outside.

“Avatar, that mess everyone’s been talking about?” He hissed, “Gray was a part of that?”

When Loke nodded, Lyon was almost blinded by the rage, “That goddamned idiot, what the hell was he thinking?”

Loke tried to talk, but Lyon was in no condition to listen to anything he had to say, having already made a hasty decision and walking away.

“Lyon, wait!” Loke chased after him, his initial enjoyment at seeing this side of the cold mage turning to worry as he witnessed the fury that was fueling him. “Where are you going?”

“Magnolia,” Lyon grunted as he walked ever faster.

“Shit!” Loke winced, not sure who was going to kill him first, Lucy for having shown up at Lamia Scale without discussing it with her first or Gray for bringing Lyon’s rage down on him.“

He ran after Lyon, hoping that he could calm him down during the train ride.

[misssingingintherain]

Untangling the Moral Mess of “Star Wars The Last Jedi”: Part I

AKA My thoughts on “Star Wars The Last Jedi” Activism and Representation through Race, Sexuality, and Gender Politics:

Feminism: Older Women who are not Carrie Fisher! Women of Color! Non-sexualized Asian woman who is not terribly skinny too! Women in power who don’t have to sacrifice their femininity to maintain authority! Everything seems great… until we get to Rey and/vs Kylo Ren. There is so much to unpack, I’ll be doing that in later things. For now, I feel like to pull off Rey’s change in mindset, there needed to be at least another week of interactions with her and Kylo Ren. The movie takes place over 3 days at most, and almost immediately after TFA as well. They needed more time, as exemplified in Sketches from Superheroes’ wonderful analysis found here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=234SXSWgxLw&t=394s).

LGBTQIA issues: Once again, Finn and Poe have a great dynamic that I would love to see explored more. The supplementary material goes further than the text toward LGBTQIA representation (with Poe saving his mother’s ring for the right ‘partner’ rather than woman and Admiral Holdo being implied pansexual with her line ‘it’s a big galaxy’). However, we get to my sorest spot: Rose. I swear to god, I see one more post hating on her and I will release the full fury of the dark side on that unfortunate mother fucker.

My apologies for the brief lack of professionalism. And I understand concerns that her presence was to deter StormPilot/FinnPoe shippers. But there was always going to be another character added to the good guys to be the Lando of the team; as such, it also makes sense that she would have chemistry with Finn, as he is the Han Solo character of the new series. As for StormPilot shipping… this movie had the words “Finn. Naked. Leaking Bag” in it, so I think there is still plenty of subtext for us to enjoy, even if Disney is not yet ready for that next step, Capitalist Cowards that they are.

That brings us to the especially sore spot, AKA The Racial politics of TLJ: this one seems to have just about everyone divided.

Finn is still portrayed as a deserter in spite of having grown past this in TFA, with his storyline not having much of a ‘point’ in the movie.

Rose’s arc is nonexistent/entirely revolves around teaching a man (Finn) a lesson.

Poe is being stereotyped into a ‘hot-headed latino’ who is being talked down to by white women, who ‘the movie wants you to hate.’

All of these are valid readings.

However, I feel they are somewhat incomplete.

Finn was running to protect Rey, who he faced Kylo Ren for in TFA. It has been maybe a week since his desertion from the First Order. His arc and eventual attempted heroic sacrifice was about learning to fight for something bigger, not just fight for the few people he cared about. He probably should have had more time undercover on the ship, a longer fight with Phasma (especially that deleted scene where she guns down troopers he was convincing to defect), and more contrast between himself and Kylo Ren as duel main male characters in the series, but I’m confident he’ll get more screen time in the next movie.

As TV Tropes notes, “many [fans] were disappointed with the fact that after being built up so heavily as the Decoy Protagonist, Finn failed in his two major action scenes in the previous movie. Having him fight Phasma and giving him his own subplot seems to be an attempt to rectify this. Although it's somewhat undermined by his character being relegated to the C plot and superfluous to the main story” (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/YMMV/TheLastJedi).

Rose had arguably the most defined arc in the movie; she is so selfless, she is the one person Leia trusts to take care of deserters. Her sister gave her life for the Resistance and Rose was willing to give her life and others’ lives as well. Only after meeting Finn does she realize that a completely selfless path is also self-destructive and there is also merit in selfishness (which also works into Poe’s theme of retreat not always being cowardly). While it could have been pulled off better, I think their scene on Crait with the speeders is sweet. Their kiss was a little odd, but it’s also John Boyega/Finn, so I get the attraction on Rose’s behalf.

Of course, the big one is Poe Dameron…

I am probably not the best person to talk about this as I am half-white and half-Asian, but I personally do not feel he is particularly out of character. First time we saw Poe in TFA, he abandoned his mission to save the villagers and shoot Kylo Ren, almost getting himself, his droid, and the map caught. He was already shown to favor all-or-nothing tactics, also evidenced by his run on Starkiller base, which had high costs due to miscalculations of how well shielded the target was. Same happens against the dreadnaught, only this time with him disobeying direct orders, as well as getting most of his men killed.

Leia, who sees him as a surrogate son as well as a future successor and therefore treats him as such, slaps him and demotes when he gets others killed in his defiance. After rightfully demoting him, he then tries to mansplain the situation to Holdo when she’s in charge and refuses to accept that he messed up and that his actions have consequences like not being privy to the plan and having to follow orders. Upon first viewing of the movie, most people side with Poe as we also don’t understand why Holdo is withholding information. But when Poe is given information, he starts throwing things on the bridge (which he was banned from) not unlike Kylo Ren and then organizes a mutiny. Yet he faces no further disciplining and learns his lesson about when you should fight and when you should flee.

The difficulty is balancing what needed to be said with the character to do it with. It is a classic trope that heroes disobey direct orders for a risky mission and when they pull it off, they face no repercussions. Was Poe the correct character to subvert this story with, as hot-blooded latino is a harmful stereotype that persists to this day? Probably not, but this is also a lesson that needed to be taught and I don’t think any of the other characters would fit in with this lesson, as it wouldn’t work as well for someone of lower or no rank like Rose or Finn or Rey.

Concerning the overall socio-political economics and the commentary surrounding it… I like the Casino scene. I didn’t at first as like many I felt it was a pointless red herring, but then I realized it was the entire point of the movie. The last scene with the slave children regaling tales of Luke Skywalker and the force sensitive one gazing at the stars with Rose’s Resistance ring wouldn’t make any sense if it had been omitted. This section got at both Rose’s theme of “It’s not just fighting what we hate, it’s saving what we love” and Poe’s theme of “we are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the first order to the ground;” in order to keep that spark going they need to save and inspire people like the slave kids, not just destroy the enemy like the First Order. That’s what makes them the heroes.

People compare this sequence to the prequels and they’re right. Because as bad as the prequels were, they were also right in some parts. War is perpetuated by the military industrial complex. The biggest threat to democracy is not necessarily outside forces like terrorists or war, but internal ones like corrupt politicians chipping away at peoples’ rights until they have none left. Perhaps if more people had listened we wouldn’t be in our current political situation. Or maybe we would. Again, I think people’s dislike of it has a lot to do with pacing and energy, as everything with the resistance feels very urgent, yet Finn and Rose spend a lot of time ogling at the rich and on this side-quest that ends up hindering more than harming.

In general, I think a lot of this backlash has to do with the fact that our heroes are extremely flawed here. Luke almost killed his nephew and then abandoned the galaxy (The Jedi Way™). Poe and Rose believe in victory at all costs, not thinking about the next fight so long as this one is won, which gets a lot of people killed. Finn is still trying to run (if for more selfless reasons this time around). Rey put her faith in a man she barely knew… twice. For the first time in a long time, we have heroes making mistakes and as leaders, they are not the only ones who pay for it, which is jarring but perhaps the most realistic part of the movie.

A main theme of this movie is gambling and the risks vs the benefits, hence the scenes on the Casino planet and the focus on the Millennium Falcon’s dice; a lot of characters gamble with their lives… and they lose. Poe/Finn/Rose arguably gamble the fate of the Resistance on DJ and lose. Holdo and Leia gamble on their small transports going unnoticed by the First Order and them having allies they can fall back on and lose. Rey gambled on both Luke coming back and Kylo Ren turning and halfway lost both times. Snoke felt invincible since he can read everybody’s thoughts before they happen and didn’t realize he was gambling with Kylo Ren until he lost. Kylo Ren gambled with his whole family and got his power but is left kneeling on the floor of an empty resistance base, clutching a pair of dice that weren’t even there.

Overall, this movie is riling both the Alt-Right and the Social Justice advocates. I personally believe it still plays more toward the latter than the former (especially with how they show the Space!Nazis to be Butt Monkeys and ineffectual toxically masculine losers), but cannot and will not discount people who take issue with these portrayals. If I have said anything that is downright racist, sexist, and/or homophobic, please tell me and I will re-evaluate my position. For now though, I feel The Last Jedi is the next step in an ever progressing galaxy.

I may do more parts of this series, focusing specifically on Finn + Rose, Leia/Holdo vs Poe, Rey vs Kylo Ren, and/or Luke, but for now, these are my thoughts. Hope they do something for untangling this complicated halfway living in a long time ago while also in a time and place very here.

Pictures are from Dichos de un Bicho and Kat Blaque’s Facebook pages.

[misssophiachase]

Letters to Juliet

This is for the awesome and talented belated birthday girl @howeverlongs for her love and that gorgeous cover, I hope you like this mini drabble in the meantime.

New Orleans (present day - 6 months after the TVD finale)

Klaus thought he was going mad. His eyes flickered opened, slowing trying to gain his bearings as his nose picked up a very familiar scent. It wasn’t just any scent either, it was hers. It was Caroline. It wasn’t the first time though and Klaus knew it wouldn’t be the last given his frequent visions.

“So, is this how you treat all your guests? Or am I just lucky, Mikaelson?” She asked, appearing in the doorway hands on hips. She looked gorgeous as usual, her golden waves falling over her shoulders and those expressive blue eyes staring him down. What he couldn’t quite work out was whether she was real or a figment of his imagination, yet again.

New Orleans - Three months post TVD finale

Klaus remembered that day well. It was a Friday and he’d stumbled out of his studio around 10am after a long night painting. The morning sunlight was spilling in through the large bay window as Klaus walked into his expansive kitchen. He flipped on the kettle switch, hoping that some tea would aid some much needed sleep.

It was the third night that week he’d painted through the night, too restless to sleep. Klaus knew why of course, not that he’d admit it aloud. It had been three months since he sent the cheque. Klaus hadn’t really expected a response but it didn’t mean that he didn’t want one. His thoughts had been filled with her and her reaction. She hadn’t cashed the cheque, that was all he did know. But Klaus needed to know more.

“That scruffy, homeless look is really becoming on you, Niklaus,” Rebekah drawled, breaking Klaus from his thoughts. He didn’t respond just emmited a low growl of frustration. “Good morning to you too, sunshine.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Can’t a girl want to spend time with her brother?”

“No,” he shot back.

“I think its time you get some sleep, grouchy, unbearable insomniac isn’t your best look.”

“No, its time he got laid,” his younger brother interrupted, swiping an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. Klaus rolled his eyes, all he wanted was to have a nice cup of tea and here he was stuck with the bloody peanut gallery. “All of that brooding over blondie isn’t going to relieve the stress.”

“I am not brooding,” Klaus scowled, not even bothering to deny that she was on his mind. “And not that it’s any of your business but I happen to relieve plenty of stress in the studio.”

“Only because all you do is paint Ms Forbes,” Elijah added, opening the fridge door and inspecting its contents.

“Could I maybe get at least two seconds of peace?”

“Not until you open the letter that arrived for you from blondie which Rebekah has in her greedy, little hands,” Kol scowled. Klaus suddenly felt buoyed, he’d been desperate to hear from her for what seemed like forever. He immediately narrowed his eyes in his sister’s direction.

“You took my letter?”

“I was about to bring it to you,” she replied, defensively.

“Only because I insisted she did,” Elijah murmured.

“Did you read this?” He insisted, snatching it from her grasp unexpectedly.

“Unfortunately not,” Kol muttered. “Elijah went all overbearing big brother on that possibility too.”

“Maybe we should leave Niklaus in peace to read his letter,” the eldest suggested, attempting to steer his younger siblings from the room.

“But we’re just getting to the good part,” Kol whined.

“How about I leave instead,” Klaus growled, leaving quickly his cup of tea long forgotten. He wasn’t sure what to expect but all Klaus cared about was that she’d responded. After shutting his bedroom door, he undid the flap equal parts nervous and excited.

The first thing he noticed was his cheque as it fell from the envelope, and floated onto the floor beneath him. Klaus should have known the obstinate blonde wouldn’t take his gift so easily. He sat down on the nearest chair and finished unfolding the white stationery, her neat cursive coming into view.

“Klaus, while I appreciate your kind gesture I cannot accept your rather enormous and quite frankly over the top gift. Might I suggest flowers or chocolate for the next girl you want to impress?” She’d signed it quite formally at the bottom and Klaus let out a small chuckle. In two sentences she’d captured everything he loved about her. That unapologetic pride, that snappy wit and her apparent need to impart advice.

Klaus wasn’t going to let this go and walked towards his desk, scooping up his cheque as he went. It would be a crime not to respond given how much her words spoke to him. He produced a piece of paper and began writing.

Mystic Falls (Four months post TVD finale)

Caroline stared at the familiar writing she was beginning to know so well after all this time and all those notes. When she’d sent back his cheque Caroline would be lying if she hadn’t expected some kind of response, his ego was frankly too large not to reply. She might have baited him unnecessarily, especially after such a kind gesture, but when it came to Klaus Caroline couldn’t help herself.

She’d been confused the day his cheque arrived, Caroline didn’t doubt his sincerity or his deep feelings for her over the time they’d know each other but she wanted Klaus to move past all the gestures and gifts and show her some raw emotion and maybe even a private piece of himself.

She opened the letter, finding his cheque still perfectly intact. Caroline rolled her eyes not completely surprised. Her gaze lowered, furiously reading the lines of text.

“Dear Caroline, the cheque was meant for your school and most importantly the children. Given your obvious confusion, I have returned it to its rightful owner. As for the romance tips, I have taken note…” Before Caroline could finish the sentence, there was a knock on her office door and in walked a delivery person, flowers and chocolates in hand. All she could do was shake her head, if there was one thing this guy had it was perfect timing.

After the bunch of pink peonies and box of chocolate, strawberry creams had been left on her desk, Caroline shook her head knowingly and then resumed reading. “Although I wasn’t quite sure what you’d prefer. Please feel free to let me know and I’ll be sure to rectify the situation.” Of course he’d gotten it right, Caroline was beginning to realise that Klaus knew her almost as well as she knew herself. That in itself was equal parts comforting and scary as hell. She began to write, enclosing the cheque as she did.

“Cute. Although I didn’t mean me. Here’s your cheque still in pristine condition.”

New Orleans (Five months post TVD Finale)

Klaus had to admit that even though she stubbornly returned his cheque again, she didn’t address him so formally which denoted a certain kind of ease that he’d been craving. Not that he was going to let her get away with ignoring his wishes.

“Your stubborn determination may be extremely attractive, love, but I have no intention of allowing you to decline my generous donation that will mean so much for your school and students.”

Klaus figured she would fight back again and for some reason he was excitedly waiting for Caroline to argue especially given his convincing point on this issue. Kol and Rebekah had been shocked by his sudden interest in anything but painting recently and Klaus knew they’d be loitering close by to spy.

Mystic Falls (Five and a half months post TVD finale)

Caroline was all for writing letters via snail mail but unfortunately she’d reached her limit and her patience. He’d returned the cheque again against her will claiming it was all for the kids. Caroline wanted to pretend it was a lie but she knew he meant it and this drove her crazy. She was lucky Klaus wasn’t nearby to hear her scream with his special vampire hearing. It was obvious he wasn’t going to accept the cheque so she decided to furiously type on her phone via text message.

“For someone who is over 1000 years old, you certainly still have those stubborn and immature tendencies.”

“Nothing immature about the truth, love.” Caroline was momentarily stumped, he always annoyingly had the best response that drove her wild. She decided then and there only one thing was going to deter him.

New Orleans (present day - 6 months after the TVD finale)

“Are you real?” He asked somewhat uncertainly, staring at her curiously from across the room. She looked beautiful but every fibre of his being was willing him to stay away. For now that is.

“I’m pretty sure this extreme persistence and annoying bitchiness couldn’t be mistaken for a dream.”

"No it couldn’t, not sure this is the best way to be awoken though,” he offered, sending her a curious glance. She seemed a little hurt but Klaus knew she needed to hear it. 

“I owe you something,” she mumbled fumbling in her pocket, producing the same cheque he knew so well by now.

“Is that the only reason you came?” He asked, his voice breaking with disappointment. Caroline faltered slightly her blue eyes downcast for now.

As he waited impatiently for her to reply, it took all his willpower not to envelop her in his arms right there. Yes she looked so beautiful but the fact she turned up unannounced spoke to him more than anything else. It can’t have been just about the cheque. She cared for him and in turn it seemed maybe she cared for their future together. Just like him despite everything they’d gone through to get here.

“You never let me go,” she murmured. “No matter how hard I fought against everything you never gave up on me.”

“When you love someone it’s difficult to let go,” Klaus replied moving closer and placing a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

“You love me,” Caroline whispered, her blue eyes never leaving his.

“Not wanting to sound desperate but I thought that was kind of obvious from the beginning, love.” Her face softened at his admission before she cupped his cheek and pulled him closer.

“However long it takes,” she grinned before his lips captured hers hungrily. At this point it was obvious money didn’t matter even if it had brought them together in the end. 

You can read this on FF HERE