#hes only done intros like a handful of times ever but i especially cant get over the jordan peterson video where he was the one to do it

[rpfisfine]

alex's job description for every intro: look beautifully into the camera, nod at everything aleksa is saying, occasionally exclaim "yeah", "yep" and things of this nature, sometimes even say a sentence or two. nothing else

[empires-recap]

Shubble Episode 17 Recap

Link: Empires SMP #17 | XORNOTH SHOWED ME THE FUTURE OF EMPIRES | Shubble

Runtime: 23:19 (2319! We’ve got a 2319! Sorry I’m a nerd I’ll leave)

Date of Release: September 14th, 2021

Other Players Featured: Xornoth (No captions in video, translation provided), fWhip

Note: The way Shubble does Empires is her videos are typically stream highlights. As someone who actively watches Shubble’s streams, some extra context may be provided in italics. Chat will be referred to as such. Cross outs will be my personal commentary.

Intro and Revenge Arc: Shubble opens the video by talking about how she want’s to get revenge on Joey and Sausage. Joey is obvious since he killed her because of Xornoth. She also blames the Creeper death of her original parrot to Joey. She does later show the replacement parrot later. She wants revenge on Sausage because of his instrumental role in killing the dragon and freeing Xornoth. She wears the angry wolf head as a disguise/mask so as not to be recognized. She doesn’t want to do anything drastic this time, just a warning. She believes all people are beyond saving, except maybe Joey. After arriving at Joey’s base with the dark oak signs she made, she realizes they’re too dark and heads off to find some glow squid ink sacs to make it more readable. At Joey’s she also sees hers and fWhip’s head on the wall.

Xornoth Logs on - After getting the sacs she heads to her skeleton spawner to repair her elytra so she can fly to Joey and Sausage’s (girl please put Unbreaking III on it it would help SO much.). As she gets out of the minecart she see the chat message that Xornoth has logged on just as it begins to fade. She become even more scared when she realizes it is only her and Xornoth online.

<Xornoth> >:)

<ShubbleYT> go away

As she leaves the mine, she finds the path up blocked by stone. Xornoth’s head pops out as she breaks ground. He also puts lava down at the entrance which she blocks with cobble. She digs a side path that links to a nearby pond and Xornoth looks at her as she swims up. There is some eye contact before he disappears. She gets defensive as a tentacle wraps around her castle. The ground then begins to die, more tentacles sprout up in front of her, and the sky grows dark with a storm. She heads down to the fairy circle, Lord of Mars and Lord of Saturn in tow. Shubble is blinded and she and Xornoth exchange words (his responses below). She wonders what else he wants now that the dragon is destroyed. He wants destruction and, besides what she has seen, there is plenty more to come. She replies that they are going to defeat him, if they can get all the kingdoms together against him. Gem helpfully /s replies in chat “no we’re deffo gonna sit back and take it” She blames him for Joey and partly sausage, who Xornoth says was already corrupted before he arrived. She says they found a way to cure it, but Xornoth reminds her that that was when he wasn’t at full power. He then calls her out for not protecting her kindom, attacking her golems and poisoning Lord of Saturn. She mounts the Mother Wolf, Lady Sun, and warns Xornoth to not come closer. He says she can’t do anything, none of them can do anything, and kills Lord of Mars (o7). She vows that Xornoth that he will pay, calling herself the angriest wolf spirit of them all.

The Temptations: The grass is restored, but Shubble thinks it was only a glimpse of what he can do. Xornoth then appears in front of her, but quickly disappears before he can do anything. She says that she was going to get revenge, but she knows now that’s only going to fuel him more. He appears by the Mother Wolf and Shubble rushes to protect her. She stakes claim to the land while riding her, calling it her forest. He then appears on her castle, which makes Shubble call him a horrible leader whose only friends he bullied. He denies it, saying they simply chose the side that will win. She counters saying that they were corrupted and that they wouldn’t choose him if they had free will. Xornoth tries tests that theory, temporarily gifting her with regeneration, strength, and resistance. He shows her the power she could wield by allowing her to one-shot a zombie (it was originally a villager who spawned, but Shubble refused since he was an innocent man), and playing into her need to protect her people and kingdom. She seems a little swayed, but stands firm. She says that a leader earns the respect of their people and she won’t loose sight of it because of the power he gifted her. She then calls him out for what he is: a sad, sad spirit that lost who keeps being reborn angrier and angrier because no one really loves you so you make them fear you. He then says wonders why he needs love when he can do this.

<ShubbleYT> fell out of the world

The Warnings: Shubble finally gets the time to dig a grave for Lord of Mars, who valiantly fought by her side. But she admits that Xornoth was right and that Joey and Sausage are running rampant and need to be reminded that there will be consequences of their own actions. She leaves a message in front of Joey’s Fire Temple and Sausage’s Dark Tower: You have angered the forest dwelling spirits. Repent or you’ll face the consequences - Wolf Spirit. She then lights both up with glow ink sacs and red dye. She also thinks of an idea of her becoming the wolf spirit, combining her spirit with Lord of the Moon’s to become a hybrid to be better fit to lead her people and her wolves. The next day, she logs on and finds these crystal or portal things floating above her base.

Mushroom House Build and Ending: She spends most of the rest of the video building a mushroom house for her people, using the same base design from her coven house from X Life SMP by Dad’s Guide on YouTube. She builds it accidentally right next to one of the tentacles, picking away at it as needed with her hands before it disappears entirely about halfway through. Any corruption went into the corruption box at her base. There is a point where she died from landing too hard with her elytra, which lands her at spawn since the loft bed at her base is considered obstructed. She tries to run back but takes enough damage especially with the lack of food not regenerating her health that she dies again by falling on a stalagmite. fWhip, who was lurking in stream quickly logs on to help get her stuff back since he thinks she died at his base. He was taking the bins out irl and missed the first death. She then finishes the build’s exterior and ends the video by saying how much she loves this server and this village and her builds and that she never wants to loose it.

Xornoth Translation (? = unsure) (Any break ups of dialogue are done because someone talked between speech, does not include video cuts)

“Hiya”

“Hi” (x2)

“I want destruction”

“You’ll see there’s plenty”

“[laughter] I’d like to see you try.”

“Well that involves you all working together, which you CANT.”

“That man [Sausage] was already corrupted before I showed up.”

“It’s cute you think that will work. You cured it [the corruption] before I was at full power.”

“There’s not much brain between you all.”

“Look at you, cowering in a circle in a hole. Hastier? to defend your own empire. Just like you wouldn’t defend you’re own people.” (The amount of times I listened to this line and only heard Tastier is more than I’d like to admit.)

“You sure?”

“Your Empire’s citizens have some hearts too”

“Your wolves’ hearts will crush easily in my fist enough.”

“That poor? little puppy can’t do anything to me now. You can’t come together to defend your own empires, let alone each other’s.”

“And [Lord of] Mars will pay for it.”

“Mars is dead.”

“I’m sure you don’t say.”

~~~

“They joined the side that will win.”

“The side that gives them POWER.”

“You sure you don’t want the power?”

“You could be unstoppable. Never lose your home again.”

“Why would I take your home if you’re working with me?”

“I can give you something to punch.”

“No, but you can punch this.”

“Fine. Look, 1 hit. You can crush your enemies in your fist. Never be bullied again. No one would ever make fun of your height.”

“People would fear you, people would BOW DOWN to you. Isn’t that what you want … as a ruler?”

“Fear, love. All the same. Gets the job done.”

“Who needs love when I can do this?”

[c-orgiis]

wait i only saw a few episodes of the anime how did kny end?

short answer: badly

long answer: gonna answer this under a read more, please only read if you don’t mind spoilers!

basically tanjirou and everyone else confront the demon moons and fight michael jackson (cant remember his name bc he’s that forgettable of a villain)

but its just so… lazily written and put together? its actually embarassing

1. every single major demon follows the exact same character arc of ‘introduction > fight a bit with the main characters > reveal their sAd TrAgIc BaCkStOrY > die’. every single one. its like they all exist in a vacuum outside of their fights with the main characters and don’t exist until their final conflict with them. maybe its just me but I don’t think killing off your characters not even 5 chapters after revealing their Tragic Backstory is good writing, especially not when you copy/paste this exact story structure for literally all of them.

2. the final fight with the Main Big Bad was so… stupid. he kept bouncing back and forth between ‘ohh noo I’m getting weak I’m dying ahh’ and ‘actually I changed my mind I cant die’ and then when he finally did die I felt literally nothing. he was more annoying than he was intimidating which doesn’t bode very well considering he’s supposed to be like. the main antagonist?

writing your Scary Main Antagonist who’s supposed to be the Strongest Demon Ever as if he were a mosquito that just refuses to die isn’t good writing, especially considering the mood of the story thus far! bouncing wildly between ‘hes super strong and cant die’ and ‘hes super weak and about to die’ within mere chapters of each other and without any sort of middle ground is bad writing! its not good!

3. going back to character deaths, all of the (dead) pillars except for shinobu follows this formula too (intro > fight a bit > sad backstory reveal > death). in fact I think shinobu is one of the only few characters in the entire series that didn’t get this treatment, and there’s only a handful of them. i don’t really care if the demons die, its literally in the title of the manga that they’re going to die. but all of the pillars’ deaths (apart from shinobu’s) just felt empty and pointless? there was nothing genuine behind their character arcs and felt more like goutouge was just killing them off because they didn’t know what else to do with them beyond emotional fodder. if the only way you know how to conclude a character’s arc is to kill them off one after another with hardly any development, if any, then you’re not a good writer!

4. the reincarnation ending was bad. usually I like reincarnation storylines, but this one was just so lazy and poorly written. having literally all the characters reincarnate at the exact same time and also look/act the exact same as their predecessors? it’s such a fucking copout! did they die at all? did their deaths mean literally anything? obviously not, since they all just live happily in the modern era now but under different names!

i genuinely believe all of this is because goutouge got sick of kny and wanted to be done with it as soon as they could, so they just wrote whatever bullshit would end the series asap because they knew their readers would eat it all up anyway. if you’re taking this as whether or not to continue keeping up with kny, I personally wouldn’t. as good as the characters and their dynamics are, its not worth the disappointment of seeing them be tossed aside bc the author wanted to be done with it asap

[damnrightobsessedwithim]

Eyes

Summary: You know those eyes, you know you do. You cant place them to a name or a face, but you are sure you know them. He spared your life because of the one look you gave him. You could never understand why. Neither could he. You wanted to get back to your injured family. But he brought you on board. Why?

A/N: Hello!!! Before going into this intro there are a few people who I want to say thank you to @underratedcharactersimagines, @impulsiveclown, @ch4nn3lorange and @itsaconquestofimagination these people inspired me with their work to make my very own (*psst* that means you should go follow them)Thank you so much, guys!!! Ok, so getting to the point. This is my first ever fanfic. I definitely had some trouble writing it but I can say that I am very happy with the way it has come out. So with that in mind, I really hope you do enjoy my writing. I would love it if anyone who does read it could give me some feedback on things I could improve on and things I should keep doing. I also want you to know before reading that This specific fic I am going to be splitting into “chapters” and asking from there what I should add and keep, or whatnot. Thank you for your patience, and most importantly reading my work. Thank you lots.

Warnings: death of family member, degrading, lots of Kylo anger, angst 

Word count: 2,620

_______________________________________________

Tuanul. A rural settlement in Jakku. You were born there on Jakku to two loving parents, and your younger twin brothers. You were always aware that not many people had the chance to have their families not just here in Jakku but also throughout the galaxy. Your village meant everything to you, even if you could sense the energy stirring among the people, especially in your family. It was just another Sunday morning. You wake up to your little brothers jumping on top of you like they do every morning. You happened to be lucky they woke you up when they did because you were having a nightmare. Again. The same one you always have. 

It always starts with you in the dark. All you see is grey and black all around you. You can clearly see that you are in some sort of room. Its square, with two doors across the room from one another. There’s a bed fit for one person, next to that there is a nightstand. There is also a fake green plant and a desk in the room. This is strange to you. You have never seen this place in your life. Yet you feel comfortable here like you belong. Then all of the sudden you start to feel weird energy not only in you’re body but pulsing in the room around you. Then you hear heavy footsteps on the grey tile floor. But there is nothing from inside of the rood making that noise, you soon hear a knock on one of the doors, and it begins to open. 

But as soon as it the figure appears by the door, it’s gone and you’re awake.  

You sit up in your cot and tickle your brothers Mikey and Colby in a surprise attack. Their laughs always make you feel full, better as if nothing else in the galaxy could ever make you happier than the two boys that are right in front of you. You grab your thin blanket and wrap the two up in a ball and continue to tickle them. 

“Heyy!! That tickles (Y/N) stop it,” Mikey cackled. As you tickle him.

“Mikey! That’s what tickles are for, to tickle you silly!” Colby giggled jumping on the bed excitingly. 

“Oh don’t you think our free from the tickle monster little squirt,” you say to Colby as you get ready for another jump attack. 

But you are cut off by your mother who was walking in to get the boys ready for the day. “Now what do you think you little monsters are doing?” she asks.

“(y/n) was playing tickle monster with us, mommy! Do you wanna join too?” Mikey squealed.

“Oh you boys know I would love to, but, we gotta get ready for the day ok. Maybe if you ask your sister she will play with you boys after gathering,” Your mom suggested to the boys. Who got overly excited and tackled you to the ground begging you to play with them after you got done gathering.

Of course, you agreed “Sounds like a plan to me,” you said hugging them both.

“Promise?” Mikey asked you sticking out his pinky. “I promise,” you assured him and pinky swore on it.

Your mother then called the three of you telling you to get ready for the day. But of course, you are already ready. You then slip on your boots that protect your feet from the sandy environment. You always wear the same outfit. Well, it is actually your only outfit you have. But you don’t mind you like it, and it’s not like you’re going anywhere anytime soon and need to get it cleaned. Not that you ever really do, its a matter of time and effort that you could be used for gathering for rations. 

You are aware that your family needs the rations but its not something you really like to do. Spending hours and hours in the sandy deserts, with the winds and overly annoying traders. Let’s just say its not your favorite thing to be doing. 

You step outside where the rest of your family is. You see your mom getting your brothers all tidied up for the day. So you go over to her and help get the boys in their boots and being picky about their hair.

“Thank you dear,” Your mother says with a big smile on her face.

“You know, I can’t help but to always look at you in awe (y/n),” Your father says to you as you finish getting the boys ready.

“What makes you say that?” you ask.

“ Well, its a matter of everything you have done for the family. You are always helping to get rations. And helping with your brothers all the time. Even though you could easily leave us to fend for ourselves. You are an adult. But you stay,” He announces.

Although you know he always means well with everything he says, this takes you back. You know what you need and don’t need to be doing. You have always stepped up and done well to help the family ever since your brothers were born. You just see it as help when one may need it most. Its the role you love to play in your family. Its something you actually enjoy doing. And you do it because your family means the world to you and you don’t know what you would do without them.

“ In my defense, I believe everyone plays a role in a family and my role is and always will be to help gather for family and protect,” You say with the utmost confidence.

“Oh, you sound just like your father dear,” Your mother finally says.

You can’t deny you are like your father in many ways. You even look like him more than the boys. He has taught you many things that you never thought you would ever need. Most things he taught you you still haven’t needed. Like the blaster your dad has. He taught you how to use the thing when you were 9 years old. Which will be something you will never forget.

This is what you think about as you bid your parents farewell till later in the day when you all gather and compile your scavenges for rations. 

You are on your way to your favorite area to find your trades. This is where you spend your day. It’s a sand dune littered with all kinds of things that came from who knows where. 

After you have a fairly large pine of random things in your bag you start to walk home. You are almost to the entryway to the village when you hear a sound. It’s just one sound, but you could not tell where it was coming from or what it was so you continue to walk with caution, examining all around you. But then you hear it again and the noise is getting louder. You start running and look around to see TIE fighters everywhere. They are attacking your village. 

Of course, your first instinct is to run from the village and get as far away as possible. You start to panic more. You then start to run back to your village as fast as possible. Your running, tripping over the sand as you go. 

You get to the village and see stormtroopers everywhere invading everything, shooting civilians, and catching fire to almost all your surroundings. You stop to hide behind a pile of trash. But then you think of your family and of Mikey and Colby and go into a panic. What if they get hurt? You start to panic more. You somehow make it to your family’s hut, where you see them huddled in the back. 

You fall next to your family and grab your brothers and hold them with everything you have. As your parents both hold all of you in a family huddle. You don’t want to let them go. You can’t even begin to imagine what could possibly happen to them. Nor do you want to think of it.

Soon the troopers invade your house. And pull your family outside. You hear your mother pleading to the troopers.

“Please,” she cries, “not my babies, leave them alone, please,”

You see your brothers crying, with your mom. Then you catch sight of your dad. Who looks at you and looks at the trooper closest to you, motioning to take the blaster. You understand immediately and start fighting, screaming profanities, calling for your family. You get out of one of the trooper’s grasp and are able to grab the blaster as you try to remember what your dad taught you about using it.  

Suddenly you see you. A younger more innocent you. And next to you, you see your father. He is teaching you how to use the blaster for the first time.

“Ok remember, you have to be careful and hold it with two hands;” He explained to young you. 

“ Ok, I got it right daddy?” you asked in confusion. After all, you had no clue how to use the thing.

“Yes good job sweety!” he boasted. You were doing it. 

 Remembering what your father had taught you; you raise the gun and shoot three troupers that are holding your family. Your family falls from their grip and you start to run to them. For a slight second, you feel the triumph. You feel like you will be able to run and make it out of there with your family. But that feeling didn’t last, as you feel hands pulling you away all hope slips away with you. You fight with all of your might to be let go. You don’t succeed. Then you hear the screams of your family and the sound of the blasters going off. The blaster went off four times. You turn to see your family fall to the ground.

You scream, you kick and scream with all our might. Ignoring everything being done to you. All you want is your family. Its all you ever wanted. To protect them, be there whenever they needed you. You feel like you failed, you feel like you let them down. You feel the tears running down your face as you remember what you promised your brothers. You feel ashamed like you should have never left the hut. You feel like you should have just stayed with them. You broke your promise. If only you had gotten more time. Maybe then you would have been able to protect them.

Soon you feel your screams stop. You could feel your throat constricting being able to breathe was becoming difficult. Your body began to lift from the floor, your hands clawed at the invisible noose wrapped around your neck— All you felt was pain intense pain. It felt as though your lungs were burning, your heartbeat sounded like drums in your ears as your face grew darker and darker as your veins popped out on your forehead. You were struggling. For air, for life. Then your body was slowly turning and you were face to face with him. 

His face holds simply no emotion. Emptiness.  

The Supreme Leader. You stare into his deep onyx eyes, those eyes that you swear you know you have seen before. Yet you can’t place it. You stare in fear, no not fear in pain. Pleading in your head for him to let you be, to let you go. You continue to stare, at that moment you realize that you do see something in those beautiful eyes. Pain.

All of a sudden you are dropped to the ground. You panic trying to catch your breath and get rid of the burning feeling deep in your lungs.

“Execute the villagers and bring her on the ship at once,” He demanded. Pointing at you.

He then walks back on the ship. 

The troopers obliged to their master’s orders. You are harshly taken off of the ground by stormtroopers and carried on the ship. You are confused, you don’t want to go. Just as you reach the ship your world seemed to be spinning, spinning until you say a steel ceiling, then all went black.

 ___ 

You wake up in what seems to be an interrogation room and you were strapped into what seemed to be a large metal interrogation chair. You begin to panic. Where am I? You think to yourself. You try to lift your hands up but couldn’t due to the restraints. Why am I here? What did I do?

You hear a metal door open and automatically freeze in. At first, you think it is the Supreme Leader coming to interrogate you. But no, in fact, it is a tall red-haired man. He is not in any particular uniform so it is hard for you to tell where he stands in the hierarchy with the leader. He walks and places himself right in front of you. Watching you the entire time he is moving. Once he has found his place he stops and stares at you. You both stand and stare at one another for what felt like forever. Then finally,

“Do you know who I am?” He asks you.You don’t answer him. You know you have never met this man in your life. You don’t care who he is. You just don’t want to be here and that’s all you could think about.

 “I believe we have not met yet, I am General Hux of the First Order,” he states. He is waiting for your answer. He begins to pace the floor in front of you. Staring at you, he exhales a sigh.

“You don’t talk much do you?”

You just stare at him. You can tell he is getting mad. Then all of a sudden,

“What did you do to make the leader mad?” he demanded. Getting close to your face. You could feel the spit hitting your face. Disgusting.

“I don’t know,” you say. You don’t, and there’s nothing that you could have thought of besides the fact that you did shoot 3 of his men. You look down at your feet with a slight grin on your face.

“What’s so funny?” he scoffed, “Why is he mad? What did you do?”, he added in a fit of childish anger.

 “I-” you were cut off by the sound of the metal door opening behind you. Once again you freeze. You feel a weird energy pulsing through your body, and in the room around you. Then you hear loud footsteps against the tile floor. You have heard this sound before, but you cant think of where or when.

You look up to see General Hux’s face go completely pale. Then out of the corner of your eyes, you see the black figure of the Supreme Leader. 

“ What are you doing in here General?” He snarled at The General. 

“I….um...I was just simply prepping her for your interrogation, Supreme Leader sir,” Hux stammered.

“Leave Hux,” The Supreme Leader demanded.

You see Hux practically stumble out of the room tripping over his own feet. You let out a small giggle, and automatically regret it, so you stare down at the floor. You stare at the floor in silence for a minute. Then you feel leather gloved hands grab your chin lifting your face so that he could look into your eyes with his own beautiful onyx ones. He stares down at you for a long time. He is studying your face, trying to understand you, and how you feel. You can’t help but notice how surreal this whole situation is. You stare into his eyes wondering what he wants. But he simply says,

“Wow” 

------- It would be great if I could get some feedback on things I did well on and things I could add in the future, or improve on. Any feedback would be helpful. I hope you enjoyed it. Watch out for part 2.  and feel free to message me if youd like to be tagged in the next one. Thank you for reading!!     

[rckyclrk]

alex turner. 27. cismale. he/him. the black keys | i can’t believe i just saw RICKY CLARK walking out of cadence records. they’re the VOCALIST / BASSIST from the PUNK group HEATSTROKE who have been in the industry for THREE YEARS. the tabloids love to focus on their COLDHEARTED nature , but they’re also pretty CHARISMATIC and they seem to give off a vibe that reminds people of FRIENDS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM BAR FIGHTS, CUNNING SMIRKS, CRYING FROM RAGE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE.

hello !!! i’m jess, i’m 22, reside in the bst timezone and use she/they pronouns !! i literally only found this rp like two hours before it opened for plotting so excuse me if this intro seems a bit rushed, and i apologize for how late it is. this is the first of my muses, king asshole ricky clark. he’s a damaged angsty boi and i hate / love him. please like this if you’d like to plot, or slide into my IMs! 

p.s. we can also plot on discord @ aries baby#7087 and you can check out a pinterest board for ricky here!

trigger warnings: heart disease, loss of a parent, ‘daddy issues’, abandonment, drugs & alcohol mentions, violence implication

BACKGROUND

ricky was born to dirt-poor parents in upstate new york. they had pretty much nothing but the basic necessities but it was v much a “they had each other and that was enough” kinda thing

his mother was his hero, ricky idolized her as she would do anything for him & was a kind, honest woman with a good heart who put every penny she earned into trying to give ricky a good life.

but his dad? quite the opposite. he was a distant, aggressive man with violent tendencies. whenever he was home, he was causing conflict. but most of the time, he wasn’t. it was pretty obvious that he was cheating on ricky’s mom, as well as just generally giving zero shits about his son. he was just an all-around asshole.

his mom was a waitress. she worked very few shifts as she wanted to make sure she could spend a lot of time around her son making sure he had a good upbringing.

when ricky was eleven, she suddenly fell ill with heart disease and her condition deteriorated very quickly. she could no longer work and decided to turn to music as a way of coping, learning to play guitar to keep her spirits up. ricky always took an interest in this and loved listening to her play him his favorite songs in the final years of her life

she ended up passing away before she could see ricky enter his teenage years. in their shared grief he and his father bonded and had a better relationship for a short period, before long he was back to his old tricks again never coming home & ricky had to basically raise himself for a little while, before finally he ended up in the foster care system for the remainder of his teen years

this is where he taught himself how to play the bass guitar his mom had left behind for him, as well as singing and songwriting.  he quickly realized why she found such escapism in music. 

he was a bit of a ‘bad boy’ archetype at school, who was constantly getting into fights etc but would show a softer side to the other outcast kids, especially the other musicians

foster care is also where he manifested a lot of resentment, anger & hostility after everything he had gone through. he kinda felt like life had dealt him such a shitty hand, and he had so many abandonment issues due to his father’s ways. he struggled to bond with any of his foster families and basically hopped around homes for years, still mourning his mom & acting out as a coping mechanism

so pretty much the second he turned eighteen and could leave foster care he got the hell out of town and headed downstate to new york city with pretty much nothing to his name, telling himself he was off to pursuit a career as a solo musician. he wandered around a bit, going about his life as somewhat of a vagabond living out of cheap motels whilst he struggled to settle. 

after a few years spent working shitty 9-5 jobs and almost ending up homeless multiple times, he figured it was time to admit defeat and head back home, as his dreams of becoming a musician hadn’t really took off. he returned to his hometown & found that an old classmate from high school had been advertising around town, for a bassist for his band. it seemed like the perfect opportunity, and ricky jumped on board.

before he could even process it, the band were moving to LA to chase their dreams of making it big. after performing in bars & underground venues, they landed themselves a record deal with cadence

ricky LOVES the fame. he’s finally getting the love, adoration & attention he lacked in his life after his mom died. he’s living the rockstar lifestyle, having fun, and doing whatever he can to feel fulfilled and numb the pain and lasting scars left by his past — which by the way, he’d rather die than open up about.

PERSONALITY

so as is mentioned, the whole thing with his past has made him grow extremely resentful as a person and he has a lot of pent up issues that he bottles up. this makes him extremely stand-offish, short fused, arrogant etc? but the better someone gets to know him the more they’ll see a softer side to him. he’s a complex, multi-dimensional and very guarded person

he’s FIERCELY loyal and will protect his friends at all costs ( yes surprisingly he does have friends ) he’s prepared to fight someone if they’ve done something to hurt his friends

hes a really social guy despite the fact he can be quite intimidating. if you’re not on his bad side he’ll be completely fine with you, like? the main thing that’d get someone onto his bad side would be if they just assumed he was an asshole based on his initial demeanor, without getting to know him

Closed Off Emotionally™ - he basically put up a huge wall so that nobody can see how much the abandonment from his past has got to him but there’s definitely a kinder, damaged boy beneath who just needs time tbh

he lives his life pretty carelessly bc he kinda cant resist the whole idea of a rockstar lifestyle. very reckless i know but can you blame him? the issues of his past are still very much there so he tries to numb the pain in any way he can by drinking and taking drugs tbh, which he knows is unhealthy & he’s trying to stop

actually pretty funny when he wants to be

really competitive

a bicon

when given reason, he can care so deeply about people. it’s so hard for them to see it because of the way he is, but a dead give-away is that if he really cares about someone he will never lie to them. ever

he’s basically just very intense if you couldnt tell already

[reylofanfictionanthology]

After the Blazing Fire Dies: the 2019 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology Gift Fic Master Post Part Two

The After the Blazing Fire Dies Collection on AO3 | Gift Fic Masterpost Part One | Treats Masterpost

Home by Anonymous for methusalahoneysuckle

What does it mean to forgive a parent? What does it take to let go of a rage that feels so righteous? Or, How finding love for Ben Solo meant confronting his past, and finally learning to let go.

eight nights into forever by Anonymous for MissCoppelia

Rey has never had a family, has never known what it truly feels like to have a home. Then she meets Ben Solo, ten years her elder and entirely too handsome, he seems to be as taken with her as she is with him. A year into their romance he invites her to spend Hanukkah with his family in the United States and Rey, for the first time in her life, is faced with family... ...and a steamy night spent in Ben's childhood bedroom.

An avalanche of hopes and dreams. by Anonymous for MizuPhoenix

Rey sets off to find an ancient artifact, that might help the Resistance obtain victory and peace. But when Rey gets lost in a blizzard, and finds that Kylo Ren is once again right on her tracks, she rushes off into a cave. They end up caught inside, and need to find a way not to kill each other long enough to survive their current situation. Will they be able to pull it off?

Asleep now, and silent by Anonymous for monsterleadmehome

Rey Nolan takes Intro to Automotive Repair course at Coruscant Community College from Han Solo, intending to learn how to fix cars, and gains a pair of surrogate parents instead. Only trouble is, Han and Leia's son, Ben, is as hot as he is infuriating. And he makes her feel so uncomfortable, makes her want things she cant entirely put into words. But he always seems so cold to her, so rude. It's clear as day what he thinks of her, and it isn't favorable, so her crush simmers in silence. When the Organa-Solos invite Rey up for a winter getaway to their family's cabin, she doesn't realize Ben is coming, too. What's worse than having to spend six hours in a car with your crush, who hates you? Getting snowed in with him, that's what.

Signed, Future Kylo by Anonymous for Nervoustouch

It was just supposed to be some low-key spying, but once Rey realized that she could leave things for Kylo through the Force bond, how could she let the opportunity to let out her inner prankster go? What she didn’t expect, though, was that he would confront her about it.

Smiles and Shoulders by Anonymous for NewerConstellations

"Rey had just turned to head back to her desk, water bottle in hand, when she saw Ben Solo walk in. Just who she wanted to run into after an unpleasant morning of being poked and prodded by her gynecologist. Ben Solo was part of the First Order team that had come along when Resistance Games recently merged with First Order Entertainment. He was made project manager of the combined Quality Assurance team, Rey’s department, which meant he helped document and assign the bugs that made up each QA tester’s workflow. He was grouchy, and he usually sent important bugs last minute or just horribly documented, making everything harder for the team, especially during sprints. Over the three months they’ve been working together, she’d called Ben out on his terrible practices repeatedly, and each time he’d just challenge her to get the work done or steal his job. Which is why it surprised her now when she saw Ben give her a quick once over and his cheeks turned red..."

The Ways We Choose to Survive by Anonymous for Noppoh

"What's happening to me?" Part of his heart sinks. Part of it sparks something closer to alive. "You're a vampire now," he says. "I'm sorry."

Give and Take by Anonymous for OccasionallyCreative

Kylo Ren, Ben-- he knew not what his name ought to be now, at the end of everything safe and known--felt the familiar, tell-tale sting of newly conjured tears as he stared into his dysmorphic reflection shining up at him from a set of golden dice. His father’s dice. He shuddered a gasp, ignoring how his tears now trickled from the corners of his eyes, dripping into the crevasses of his face.

Degrees and Galaxies by Anonymous for okaypianist

Ben could think of numerous other things he would rather be doing than spending an afternoon working on a paper. That all changes when he bumps into Rey. Maybe spending the day at the coffee shop isn't the worst way to spend his time.

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) by Anonymous for PalenDrome

A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Why? by Anonymous for Pawprinter

A glance across a battlefield.

(won't you) whisper soft and slow by Anonymous for perperuna

ben solo (phd) is a physics professor at university of chandrila. rey jakkuson is an archivist specializing in historical documents from the 20th century who works at the university's library. they have no reason to run into each other ever-- except that rey is the head archivist for a project with letters from the vietnam war, including letters between anakin skywalker and padmé amidala.

Wrong by Anonymous for persimonne

Despite negotiating with the Resistance so that he can marry Rey the second she sets foot on-board his ship, Kylo is reluctant to have sex with her. It may have something to do with the writhing protuberance between his legs, but that's just a guess.

you pierce my soul by Anonymous for pillar_of_salt

It was not common knowledge, held only in the closest confidence by his most intimate associates, that Ben Organa-Solo’s heart had been captured by a Royal Navy captain as thoroughly as she captured and conveyed enemy vessels. However, despite his age and desire to be wed, he allowed himself to be persuaded against the match, for his dearly beloved mother was uncertain as to the young lady’s youth and her son’s proclivities for shouting matches and dueling.

Handcuffed in the Honeymoon Suite by Anonymous for platalet

Ben and Rey are caught breaking into the office of a notorious crime boss on Canto Bight. The boss decides to teach them a lesson in an unorthodox way.

A Smuggler and a Jedi by Anonymous for politicalmamaduck

Can you truly run away from destiny? Ben Solo thought he could after quitting the Jedi academy to get into the smuggling business with his father. However, when a lucrative job offer takes them deep into the territory of the Chiss in wild space, Ben must admit that his connection to the Force is not something he can keep running away from. When Ben comes face-to-face with Rey, a mysterious woman who had been appearing in his dreams, he must make a difficult choice.

The Moments that Belong to Us by Anonymous for PoliticalPadmé

the regency fic no one asked for.

Little Things by Anonymous for punkeraa

Ben is a freelance graphic designer who works out of his basement and prefers to not get involved with anyone. Rey is an amateur general contractor helping her friends flip the house across the street. When Rey tries to do something nice for her new neighbour, she's treated to a lecture and then several days of being avoided.

The Dark Earth Spins Beneath Us by Anonymous for radioactivesaltghoul

Ben's defection from the First Order is supposed to make everything different. And it has, for the most part--better. Except Rey can't seem to catch a moment alone with him, and Ben doesn't seem to be making any efforts to be alone with her. The ghost of Crait still hangs over them, but Rey knows this impasse can't last forever.

I Notice You As You're Noticing Me by Anonymous for rakefire

"JOIN YOUR FRIENDS HERE AT ‘ALL THAT JAZZ’ ON FEB 15TH FOR OUR 2ND ANNUAL SINGLES AWARENESS NIGHT Ladies get ½ priced drinks Gents get ½ priced fries JOIN US AND BE ALONE TOGETHER" Rey and Ben feel a bit lonely on singles awareness day. What could go wrong?

caught in a decaying orbit by Anonymous for redbells

Rey was the conquering hero. Kylo Ren was in a cell and the Resistance was victorious, but it left her wanting.

Mission Possible by Anonymous for reinasolo

Ben Solo, CIA Agent and all around "bad ass" gets an assignment that really should have been a breeze, but a scavenger, a general, a commander, and a trooper ensure it will be anything but easy.

Teaching Miss Niima by Anonymous for Reneemm

Kylo Ren was free. He gave his lectures, graded assignments, and generally kept to himself. He wanted peace and quiet. As much peace and quiet teaching could offer him, at least.He got what he wanted.Then she appeared.Rey Niima was everything he ever desired in a woman, all save for one tiny, insignificant detail. He was her Professor. Moral and ethical quandaries aside, he wanted her.

New Year's Eve with a Girl named Rey by Anonymous for reylocalligraphy

It's New Year's Eve in the bustling city of New York and Kyle plans to spend it alone at work. That is, until he meets a girl named Rey.

lashes by Anonymous for ReyloTrashCompactor

He told her that she should leave it, that she didn’t need to come here. Maybe he was right, but it hadn’t seemed so at the time. No. No, at the time, it had been of the most vital importance that she come here. That she see what had happened here, learn the truth of it for herself, shape it with her own mind and hand and actions. “I know what doing penance looks like,” he’d said in the aftermath. “This won’t help.”

Banana Nut Muffins by Anonymous for Rhizaria

Ben's radio show is all over the place and Rey can't help but call in to comment.

Death Becomes Her by Anonymous for Rhonda3Green

He watches the trickling liquid as it slides down the space between her breasts, fast then slow, along the dip of her belly. It hovers above the fullness of her mons, the single drop refracting the light and green of the canopy above, and all he can think about is how much he wants to capture it on his tongue. To lick the hot salt of her skin, and lose himself in that bright, earthy scent as he breathes her in. He is Death. And she is his.

This Dance of Light, This Sacred Blessing by Anonymous for rissanox

Snapshots in a modern AU.

a flicker in the dark by Anonymous for roamingbadger

Their bond was still there. He could feel it like a flicker of flame at the end of flayed string, still trying to hold on. The burn kept his skin warm. He refused to let it die out.

Game On! (aka Deflowering Doctor Jackass) by Anonymous for SaintHeretical

When Rey is stranded at her bookshop in the middle of an upstate NY snowstorm with a local professor she knows only as "Doctor Jackass", she decides the best way to pass the time is to play a game. And that, of course, leads to other activities.

slip, slip, knit by Anonymous for sciosophia

Honestly, this was not one of her greatest ideas but Rey will make it work.

Serendipity by Anonymous for second_chances

When she had decided to start shepherding the Adept, Rey had made a vow to herself to help them all—even those imprisoned by their own internal darkness. Camouflaged with the cuff, Kylo would never know that Hux’s war dog was closing in on him until it was too late. That was one death she didn’t want weighing down on her conscience. She’d had the opportunity twice to kill him, but she was still convinced his life was not hers to take. The Force still had a plan for Ben Solo, that she was certain, and securing his safety was just as important and making sure the little girl she sought made it off world and survived as well.

The Mistake of the Mailman by Anonymous for shewhospeakswiththunder

Rey's on-campus university address is 'Box 324 Mulberry St, The Bryant Center.' Ben Solo's address is '324 Mulberry St.' And she keeps getting this poor guy's mail.

all flowers in time bend towards the sun by Anonymous for SithishJedi

After months without contact, the force bond opens but something is wrong.

your love could be too much by Anonymous for six4au

Rey, the successful host of the award-winning confessional podcast The Best Policy sits down with a new guest, world famous actor Ben Solo. Except these two are already well acquainted. They broke each other's hearts seven years ago.

The Golden Age by Anonymous for sokki09

Hollywood, 1953. After the press catches wind of yet another crashed car and yet another drunken night on the town, actor Ben Solo has to face facts: his bad-boy image is in need of a serious fix. Pairing him off with a wholesome, up-and-coming actress girlfriend seems like it might just do the trick. They can walk red carpets together, sell the whole relationship thing. And he can get his career back on track. Which is what he wants. Isn't it? Rey Jackson is nothing that he expects, and everything he finds himself wanting. But she's on her way up, a star in the making, and he's... self-destructive, on a good day. Weary of the business, and tired of being who he is. What they have is fake; there's no illusions that it's more than what it is. But what else is the magic of cinema for, if not to allow yourself the chance to dream? OR: here, have a a Golden Age of Hollywood Reylo fake dating AU!

and the snow started falling by Anonymous for SpaceAusten

Oh, that secret that you know / that you don't know how to tell... Trapped by shame and snow, Kylo Ren faces his ghosts.

All At Once by Anonymous for SpaceWaffleHouseTM

The First Order has taken over the planet Neftali in the Soccoro system. Every year, the town of Cordel Cove hosts a winter carnival that culminates in a masquerade ball. The presence of one Supreme Leader has been requested.The Resistance has come to Neftali to strike a deal with a shady organization, using the carnival as a distraction. They send Rey to the masquerade to keep an eye on things. After one too many drinks, the masked man all in black catches her eye and asks for a dance. But what will happen when the masks come off?

I Choose You by Anonymous for spookykingdomstarlight

In the throne room, Rey proposes a counter offer.

Heart of Clay by Anonymous for starlightreader

Rey discovers a very interesting recipe in one of the tomes she's stolen from Luke. While she experiments, Kylo Ren disappears mysteriously.

pianissimo by Anonymous for TheStolenQuill

Rey is a wonderful pianist who just was hired as a court musician. She's nervous enough with her new position, but then she gets entangled with the royal family, especially one Prince Ben.

Magic Rises by Anonymous for thewayofthetrashcompactor

Rey finds lost things. It’s what she does, and what she’s always been able to do. Magical artifacts, prized jewellery, a blue ribbon giant pumpkin, you name it, she can find it. When Leia Organa of House Organa-Solo asks her to find Luke Skywalker, Rey’s sure that Kylo Ren moving in next door isn’t a coincidence. She’s going to have to use all the magic in her arsenal to figure out what’s going on.

Plan B by Anonymous for Tiara_of_Sapphires

Tiara_of_Sapphires asked for "Senator!Rey and Jedi!Ben AU where Rey gets kidnapped for ransom," with some banter and awkward, socially stunted Ben Solo, as well as some good hand-holding and/or forehead kissing action. Hopefully this is lighthearted enough to at least give everyone a bit of a smile. That said, it is unbeta'd, so if it doesn't, that's no one's fault but mine.

Blue Moon Lovers by Anonymous for tigbit

Rey lives a simple life, working at her coffee shop--Resistance. Then her life takes a turn when she meets her neighbor, Leia Organa, and she discovers a past life that is connected to her own. Not to mention that the enigmatic Ben Solo twists her mind and emotions in different directions. Rey will come to learn that sometimes the mistakes of the past can affect the present, and that some are destined to be soulmates.

Somewhere in the Dark by Anonymous for tm2taughtmefamlaw

The world is not as it once was, and bands of survivors struggle to live in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. Rey has found a life with Leia’s band of scavengers. Despite the gloomy landscape, it’s a far less tragic and far more boring life than The Walking Dead led her to believe. She’d choose a waning stockpile of toilet paper over Ben Solo any day.

hit me with your best shot for tmwillson3

"So Rey decides to torture him in her own, unique way. She won’t let him ignore her." In which Rey and Ben are rival Quidditch players recruited to play for England in the World Cup.

(I close my eyes and fly out of my mind) Into the Fire by Anonymous for TourmalineGreen

“Alright, SHUT IT!” Rey hollered. “This was important to Leia. We will ALL be participating. Trust requires interaction, right? That’s what we tell our clients, and it’s what we believe, so get over yourselves! You can retreat to your echo chambers next weekend. This week, we are working hand-in-hand with First Order. If it kills us.” OR Scenes from the careers of two people who hope to change the world, one neighborhood at a time. What stands between them again? Oh, right - nothing but pride (and possibly prejudice). Thank heavens someone sees what’s going on.

Crisis Girlfriend by Anonymous for walkingsaladshooter

Ben was in love with Rey for over a year when he asked her to go with him to his ex’s wedding as his ‘girlfriend’.

Be careful what you wish for by Anonymous for Zabeta

Rey has spent her life wanting to get off Jakku, and see the universe. She thought she would eventually earn enough to barter or buy her way off-planet. But the universe has other plans.

[niicokim]

          ohmygod i swear these past few days i’ve been so scrambled and it’s like one in the morning rn and i gotta be up early but ! i need to drop this intro so i can start plotting with all of you oof ! also...ignore my theme...it’s not ready yet but it’ll have to do for now !! anyways uh i’m nani ( twenty-one / she & her ) and below the cut is a little abt mi boy !! also before i forget my discord is @ in the mood for love#5274 !!!

          ╰ * ✶ . ever notice dominic ‘nico’ kim kinda looks like park jimin? they’ve got 8.5m followers on instagram, but that’s no surprise. their instagram bio says they identify as cismale and go by he/him. they just turned twenty-four, right? word around la is they’re kinda critical and deceitful, but you couldn’t tell online. does it matter when your family’s net worth is $360m? 

some stats :

full name: dominic ‘nico’ kim

d.o.b: currently unknown bc idk what sign i wanna make him yet 

gender: cismale

sexuality: bisexual 

nationality: american

ethnicity: korean 

occupation: rising actor 

rambles:

so nico is part of the kim family ( aka the kardashian inspired family...aeri mun...if u read this...pls message me to plot out the siblings muah ! ) currently appears to be the oldest of the family, but we’ll see who else takes up the connections ! 

anyways...he’s kinda like kendall....but you know...actually talented LMAO...anyways, instead of an aspiring model ( tho he HAS done model work ) he’s an a rising actor, definitely took advantage of his name to try and DO something with his life and let me tell you...nico is amazing at pretending to be someone he’s not so acting was a good choice

so far i kinda headcanoned that his FIRST major role was playing the character of ben from burning ( 2018 ) dir. lee chang-dong ! which, you can find the trailer here ! ben is the guy steven yeun is playing but ANYWAYS, if you didn’t get it from the trailer his char is SOMETHING, like oof the vibes yk? nico has actually received an award for best supporting actor for it AND it nearly got nominated at the oscars but it got snubbed !!

um, i’m trying to figure out his vibe of what kinda movies he wants to do but i think it might lean for to art house/drama that might be his calling so please...stay tuned 

tw: drugs up next !

remember when i said nico is good at pretending to be someone he’s not? it’s true, it’s gotten him into some bad shit but also has charmed his way out of said bad shit + you know, having a powerful name to stand behind. he looks and talks like a golden boy, picture perfect oldest son of the kim family always mature and polite at press conferences and in public but once those doors are closed he’s someone else completely 

he can be mean and selfish, he knows how to play his cards well that it comes off like he’s doing you a favor especially when it comes to relationships because it’s not like he’s had some tragic love story that left his wounded and aching -- though he has gotten back with exes for the THRILL they provide -- he just wants to have fun and enjoy himself and sometimes people get in the way of it and he has to put them back in their place...away from him lol 

heavy drinker but can hold his alcohol, has partaken in pills and lines but he prefers his mixed drinks and has definitely woken up to a bottle in one hand and...a bottle in the other, surpirse ! 

ummm, that’s it for now ig ! i’m sure i’ll come up with more things later on lksjhdhf

connections: 

on and off ex: listen...they probably hate each other...but thats what makes them compliment each other so well that they end up back with each other but this is only knowledge to the inner circle not public bc fuck that ! they’d rather end up dead in ripped off designer in some ditch than have their millions of the followers combined know they were ever in a relationship -- ongoing relationship with each other ! 

his most bestest friend in the whole world: would they die for each other? probably not, but they would definitely throw each other the sickest funeral if that ever happened ! probably childhood friends too, have gotten into at least one physical fight but made up quickly because truly...their each others world most of the time 

flings/hookups: you name it ! the more the merrier, lets make it messy !

publicity stunt: be it trying to form friendships between families or relationship wise, we can figure it out !

frenemies/enemies: loathe each other sm??? for who knows what reason?? and yet ??? they cant rlly escape each other ?? so its just shade and snide remarks and insults through gritted teeth and fake smiles???? helloo !!!!

unrequited/crush: listen....this could go so many ways, like your muse has a crush on nico but they probably think it’s unrequited but nico is probably INTERESTED but doesnt do anything because well, theyve never paid them much mind before and hmmmm does he wanna involve someone he’s never rlly paid attention to with his shenanigans? who knows!

anyways, anything else pls hmu !! my discord is up there !! it’s time for me to go to sleep !!

[sophocused]

uni recap 2019

I think it's really important for young studyblrs still in high school or junior high to be exposed to more detailed and honest uni experience anecdotes, so buckle up because it’s about to get real honest and a little personal in here.

I'm in the middle of the fall term of my second uni year, technically now in the 2nd year of my general B.Sc. and I need to start from the beginning a little bit, especially when it comes to my academic journey so far.

Let's start with junior high, when adults always want to ask what you want to be when you grow up. After going to a career symposium with friends, a field trip run by the school, that's when I heard about the College of Pharmacy at the "top" university of the province.

First thing that attracted me was that they make an annual $100k a year, and to my 14 year old impressionable mind that was convinced that my future had to revolve around making bank, I decided from there that I would work towards the end goal of becoming a pharmacist.

I was convinced that pharmacy was the ultimate goal to get my life going, as a real functioning adult of society.

Fortunately, I was wrong. It was a hard pill to swallow, but a necessary one nonetheless.

Since this is an academic recap, I won't bring up the mental health and physical health bits of the last eight years of my life, I'll fastforward to high school senior year, when I decided I would (as a minimal effort-get straight A's student) actually TRY in my studies again. It was because my work ethic had grown to a point that when I didn't try and still got a B or A, I was scared of the moment I would actually try and then not get an A or A+. I wanted to fight that fear of realizing that I'm not "effortlessly good at thngs" because I didnt want to have a fear of failure.

(Disclaimer: it's been three years since then and I'm still a work in progress when it comes to my relationship with failures but it is getting consistently healthier, despite bumps)

Thus, I started this studyblr three years ago, June 30th 2016 I believe?? My url was chemystery for the first few days but sophocused came up because of sophocles (not that hes my fave philosopher or anything) it just stuck ANYWAY IM GETTING DISTRACTED

So I actually tried in my last year of high school, worked hard and got A's in physics, pre-calculus, and AP chemistry. The AP chemistry came with a provincial exam, that in getting a score of 4, granted me a $150 reward, and the grade of a B in two university courses (2 chem prerequisites)

I was a fool and no one exactly explained to me that those 2 courses were even harder when taught through uni, because I really wasted nearly $1000 in taking those two courses again in my first year of uni, in hopes of turning them into A's.

I should probably mention that going into uni, the pharmacy program had 2 chem, 2 bio, 1 calc, 1 written course, and 2 electives, as prerequisites. My innocent mind, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal, registered for a full five and five course load, so that I could finish all my prerequisites within my first year of uni, and apply for the college of pharmacy by March. (Back then, it was still a Bachelor's program where selection process depended on your AGPA, and your mark on a written critical skills essay)

I learned the hard way that for university, it is a mentally and emotionally laborious task to try and juggle five classes, having to hold yourself accountable when it comes to attendance and figuring out what notes you want to take. There's no way to write physical hand-written notes for five courses (not for me anyway).

It was incredibly fast-paced as well, and I had many days where I just didn't want to get out of bed. I was so conflicted with my perfectionist mindset, and the pressure to get a 4.0 GPA that I spread myself so thin and honestly it was one of the most difficult years of my life. I still got out with 8 B's and 2 A's by the end of my first year. I was ashamed of those B's.

When it came to applying for pharmacy however, despite the grades I got, my GPA didn't make it to the minimum 3.50 needed to be applicable for pharmacy, but I got my transcript a month after I had already applied for pharmacy and I had even done the written exam.

I had to face my first big failure which was getting the email that they couldnt even look over or consider my application because my GPA did not reach the minimum required.

On top of that, I learned that I could not just simply try again the next year. This was because suddenly, the university decided they were going to change the Bachelors pharmacy program into a PharmD. A doctorate. To me, that meant they added eight more prerequisites (even more difficult uni courses with chem and human phys), and a required PCAT score. We also were not allowed to apply until Fall 2020. That meant, I now suddenly had no plan for my academic career for the next two years because I had really only ever thought about getting into pharmacy on the first try.

After a breakdown or two last year upon processing this, I had made the decision and talked to my parents about trying for it again, and doing the new prerequisites. This brought in the new mental turmoil of money on my mind during my summer after first year of uni, thousands of dollars this would cost, suddenly having no routine for four months after working at max brain capacity for 6 months.

My 2nd year of uni, fall 2018, a lot of growing had happened, a lot of processing of failure happened, just. a lot. happened.

October 2018, I got a job at a school, so I really juggled my school stuff with work. Five days a week, I would be up at 6-7am and then get home around 6:30pm, while doing human physiology, organic chemistry 1, an eastern religions elective, and an intro to statistics course.

long story short, yes I must spare you the details of the process of it all because it got pretty sad. That was my worst uni term, ending with 1 B, 1 C+, 1 C, and an F in organic chem.

My first F in university. My first F ever in my entire school life. It was a begrudging blow at my mental state, and I spent two to three weeks devastated. I dont know how I got out of it, I think one day I just said to myself, "Okay you got an F, but did you die?"

Honestly, the humour in that really cheered me up, among other things, and the emotional support I got from my older sister, and by the time I got into the 2nd half of my uni year (right now), I have discovered I potentially have a calling to become a teacher or to work in the lab as a technician.

Most importantly, most if not all of the credits I've earned, are also applicable to get into the Faculty of Education. Basically, I came to peace with having options, and digging deep into myself to really find the thing that I could really see myself doing based on my personality and interests, not just on the money and the rush of finishing school.

I just finished the longest midterm season of winter 2019, with my first midterm being early February and my last midterm + essay deadline on March 15th... I did well. I did well in trying to really take care of myself while trying to go to every class and trying to work hard as much as I could everyday. I think out of my many midterms, I got 1 A, 4 B's, and a C. These are all salvageable. I do still really want to keep working towards a 4.5 GPA but now I'm okay if that doesnt always turn out to be what I get.

Anyway I finally get to write something like this because I've been busy for the past month, a lot of things happened again in the midst of it all, but I'm still okay. I get a week to rest before my lab exam and then it's finals season.

This time, I'll try hard not to just let my life pass me by, with only ever school and academics in mind, I had gotten really sad these past few weeks, and I'm usually good at being my own antidote for that, but I really got to a point where I felt I had no strength to pick myself back up.

Last night I said "fuck it" and decided to go to my cousin's house who I hadn't seen in over a month to spend time with them instead of working on my 30% essay due midnight. Before I was so desperate to finish it, terrified of the 2% deduction per day it would be late, but after crying on the bus, I had had enough of letting my academics bring this much weight on my mental health. After spending four hours with my cousins and aunt, I came home to my mom, and I watched a two hour movie with her.

I didn't regret it one bit. I felt better than I had in a long, long while.

Now, this Friday, my grandma and other cousin are flying in, and I cant wait to just keep healing.

Thank you for reading, or scanning over, I hope you got something good out of this, as I am telling this story both for my sake, and for other students’ who might commonly find themselves in the same boat. I believe in you.

[rhodesmystery]

what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places. 

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that. 

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed. 

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development. 

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

[jeonjeonyourwayhere]

Youtuber!BTS AU (1 of 7) - Taehyung

So i wanted to start writing more but i’m going through a weird writer’s block

like i cant really write in proper paragraphs but ideas are filling my head constantly

but point form works great

also, i really wanted to make moodboards more because they’re loads of fun heh

anyway so here goes

Taehyung would be a very independent content creator like he doesn’t give a shit about the trends on social media and refuses to cave into popular demands

he only does what HE WANTS like strictly, he needs to enjoy the content he puts out

he once tried doing a challenge video like maybe the smoothie challenge

(i really like that challenge btw it’s funny heh)

but as he was filming it he just wasn't feeling it

so that’s how he ended up dragging Yoongi into filming the video with him and like changing it up making it more intense (or gross)

Yoongi hates him for it of course

not for long because tae is his baby and a younger brother he could never stay angry at for long but we’ll know more about yoongi in another post

Taehyung starts off his youtube channel with challenge videos but eventually deviates from it after he realizes his passion for prank videos (and occasionally gaming videos with Jungkook)

with the occasional aesthetic vlogs when he takes his periodic trips with Jungkook

Jungkook likes dragging him to Japan because that’s the heart and soul of Anime and Jungkook could never resist

but that’s also a story for another day

So Tae does daily vlogs during those trips and those videos would have transitions so damn smooth like a baby’s bottom and the scenery would be so beautiful especially with the filters he would use

Taehyung actually has a very good eye for matching color schemes and aesthetics

He also has pretty good luck with seasons as Jungkook tends to bring him to Japan when each season was at it’s peak

but he doesn't do those videos often because the inner perfectionist would chide him constantly and he’d end up abandoning the project because he just! cant! do! it! justice!

so sometimes his viewers end up a little confused with his posts because one day it could be

STUFFED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS DOWN MY PANTS!!! *not clickbait*

and the next week would be “Travelogue Day 01: Cherry Blossoms!”

But his content is always 300%

and he also refuses to create separate channels to separate his prank content and aesthetic content

“i’m too lazy ok i don’t want to keep logging in and out of both accounts”

(same tae same)

so one day he’s out filming a prank video with Jimin where he goes up to random strangers and asks them for directions or sth

and Jimin comes up from behind carrying a packet of fake (but pretty realistic) knives

and oh! accidentally bumps and drops the knives on taehyung’s wrists

and BLOOD OH THE GORE but really it’s raspberry puree

you were his 4th target of the day and he’d come up randomly to you asking you for directions to the subway station

and you’d seen Jimin coming towards you both looking all casual like he’d just done shopping

and as Jimin “trips” and empties his knives on Taehyung

You pushed Taehyung away and screamed as your hands went out reflexively to grab the knives

but WOW! MAGIC! the knives weren’t real

Jimin was left shook

And Taehyung wasn’t sure how a stranger he’d just met would push him away from danger and risk themselves instead

So you were left there for a second, kinda confused as to why you weren’t bleeding the fuck out until Taehyung comes up to you and is like

hey there!!! are you ok!!!

i was doing a prank video and I'm a youtuber

but you’re really cool!!!!!

like how the heck would u just push me aside and do that???

Then you snap out of it and you’re like IM OKAY IM FINE IM NOT BLEEDING

and honestly Tae finds you the most adorable thing eVER

and you look at his face properly for the first time and you’re like fUCK bOi hE’s cUtE

like really fucking cute

but you also recognize him after like 10 seconds of staring straight at his face

and you’re like HEY UR TAEHYUNG

and he’s like YEA DAS ME

Jimin this whole time is just staring between both of you like whAT

then Tae goes on to ask you if it were okay for him to leave the clip of you in his video like what you did was super cool and he really wanted to keep it in

you were a blushing and fumbling over yourself and like yE IM COOL

and he just hugs you once and grins his boxy smile and goes on his way while pulling Jimin away with him

you pull yourself together and go on your own way too

but i mean

you were a tad bit OK A LOT BIT sad that you couldn’t get to talk to him more or sth

but oh well what could you do right? pretty boy probably has a country of girls after his ass

on the other hand, as Tae is re-looking through the footage back at his place in his swivel chair and chewing on marshmallows

jimin stares

“what?”

“tae…did you just what me?”

“um…yeah”

“DID YOU NOT SEE THE WAY THAT GIRL SAVED YOUR ASS i mean it was fake knives but”

“She was amazing like yO i’ve never seen such a quick reflex and she was really pretty and-“

“and you didn’t get her name or number or anythin-”

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT”

so Tae goes on a little panic spree and he like totally regrets just skipping over talking to you and stuff

like he was so ecstatic over the fact that someone actually reacted completely differently during his pranks and like he wanted to edit the video you know

like pronto

“needa put out that quality content in 0.5!!!”

so he starts pacing in his apartment and he’s like wHAT DO I DO

Jimin kinda slaps him over the forehead and is like brO YOU HAVE FOOTAGE JUST USE IT

Tae kinda realises how much of an idiot he is and gets to work immediately

6 hours later and it’s like 2am and his editing table is filled with caffeinated products and his hair is in a mess that kinda defied gravity and was pointed all upwards

his eyes were bloodshot from staring at the screen constantly but he was ay okay!!!

because he finally completed the video and he was gonna find you!!!!!

so how does he actually find you? he doesn't

you kinda find him

one day you wake up and your best friend was blowing up your phone

so you shift your way out of your blanket burrito and rub your eyes clear and all you see is 21038364213 links to the same damn video on youtube

like

BITCH

WAKE UP

AKLDNIUABSK

WAKE THE FUCK UP

PRETTY BOI IS LOOKING FOR YOUR ASS

LINK

LINK

LINK

yeah you get the point

so you’re like half asleep and all hazy in the head after studying the whole night away

you finally come online and your friend is like “FINALLY BITCH” and you ignore her and proceed to click on the link and it redirects you to youtube

and WEW it’s a certain someone’s channel!!!

Video Title: SOMEONE SAVED MY LIFE!!!!

of course, taehyung would use those obnoxious titles

so you’re like ok go on and you press play

and his intro song plays and it goes right into the prank video where he introduces what he’s going to do and what’s gonna happen

then right after the 3rd person’s reaction, the screen blanks

you blink once

and pretty boy’s face pops up on screen!!!!!

“Hey guys!! So like what you’re about to see is pretty damn amazing and this girl right in that video, I kinda need help to find her”

“So please, like PLEASE start blowing up her phone if you happen to know her and let her know that I’m looking for her!”

“If you’re the person I’m looking for then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come contact me on any social media you want, I’m not picky!!”

He grins once more and it goes right back into the prank reactions and wew there’s you!!!

You’re rubbing your eyes more violently this time and you see the footage of taehyung approaching you and jimin comes from behind

then there’s your heroic act of protecting the boy who was still a stranger to you at that point in time

the screen shifts back and taehyung appears once more

“this girl was SO amazing like yO her reflexes!!!!! Keep an eye out for this girl and blow her phone up if you find her for me! Stay cool and peace out!”

Then he does his signature V sign with his fingers and his outro plays

you almost drop your phone but immediately snatch it back and go straight to dialing your friend’s number

it was an emergency and you needed immediate consultation on how to approach the situation at hand like HOW DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHERE DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“CUT IT OUT, JUST SLIDE STRAIGHT INTO HIS DMS”

you do end up heading onto twitter, searching up his account and hesitantly clicking on the message button

you start typing a bunch of greeting messages but backspace is your best friend and you don't know how to start

“hey! it’s me!” NOPE

“greetings taehyung” NOPE

“it is I! Y/N!” Hell to the fucking no

so you end up just going with “boo”

and it’s almost an instantaneous reply where he goes “IS THIS YOU”

and you go “ye”

“DIS YOU?”

“ye dis me”

Taehyung swtiches to your profile in the meantime and ignores all the mentions he’s getting from his viewers (they all link you to him btw like jesus tae your followers are great stalkers)

he looks at your profile picture and it’s definitely you in an oversized grey hoodie with totoro ears and you’re absolutely snuggable

so you guys eventually meet up at a cafe that happens to be round the corner down your block and he’s already there legs crossed on his chair

you both happen to wear oversized hoodies and you both looked absolutely adorable and comfy

he buys you a drink and you both end up chatting for hours getting all jittery from cups of coffee and it starts raining and it gets all cold and it’s just gREAT

you guys continue texting for the next couple of weeks and y'all head to more cafes to hit up that caffeine

then one night Taehyung just NEEDS you to come over to his place and this sounds too quick but don't jump all ahead and hear me out

he calls you while you’re like halfway through one of his random videos

“how would you feel about playing a round of mario kart with me? your defeat shall go straight up onto my youtube channel for all to watch”

“prepare your ass for your own defeat”

“HOOOO you’re gonna regret that”

So you throw on some clothes that are somewhat presentable but still screaming “i cant be bothered”

he invites you in immediately and you guys charge straight towards the tv and grab your controllers and it’s really natural like you’ve been talking for maybe 2 months and you’re really comfy around each other and it’s great

you do end up beating his ass in mario kart

tho he gets back at you in the next round

He did film the entire night so you weren’t surprised that his workaholic ass churned out a 20 minute long video in just 5 hours of editing

“you need to cut down on caffeine tae”

“yes indeed i do”

he posted the video that night and when you woke up the next day, you were honestly expecting death threats from his fans

yes there were a few, like this world isn’t that nice sweetie

but what surprised you was the sudden surge of shippers that flocked to both your social media and tae’s

(not that you were unhappy, it was quite the opposite in fact)

they started labelling you as TAEBAE

because yknow

Tae’s Bae

Then that morning, you receive a message from Tae

“TAEBAE, HOW DOES A TRIP TO THE ZOO SOUND?????”

“Tae????”

“YES”

“What’s with the taebae”

“DAT YOUUUUUU and i’m almost outside your place so you’re coming to the zoo whether you like it or not”

“wHAT”

your first date ends up to be at the zoo and at that point you weren’t even aware that it was a first date like tae is a little fast-paced but you catch up real quick

you guys are terrible at planning so once you get there

you buy hotdogs and slushies and head towards the animal enclosure in a zigzag fashion across the entire zoo

one moment you’re watching the lions lie on their bellies and the next moment tae is giggling over butterflies landing on your head as you walk through the butterfly enclosure

dont forget that tae vlogs the entire day on his gopro

halfway through the day, tae finally grabs a map and finds out that there’s one last animal show and you both race towards it

only to get front seats at the aquatic animal performance

“TAE I ONLY HAVE THIS SET OF CLOTHES”

“SO DO I HEHEHEHHEHHEHEEHHEHE”

you guys get swamped with water but you both cheer at the seal’s performance because it’s a seal and it’s beautiful!!!!!!!!!

But it’s honestly the best date you’ve ever had considering your history with guys like not many of them even knew basic respect

you guys continue running the entire day making it to every enclosure and re-naming every animal

like the lion is richard, tiger is damien, giraffe is steve and ur fave was felicia the butterfly

at the end of it all, your legs were falling off and tae was practically dragging you back out the exit

you and tae end up going to the nearest drive-through and getting burgers before parking at the nearest outdoor carpark and just camping in the car and chilling with food

tae definitely drags you for getting the typical cheeseburger but you stand by your choices in life

it gets a little late and it’s around midnight already but you never want the day to end but you still don’t really know what you are to tae

“Tae, what’s going on?”

“What are you yapping about”

“Like, seriously, what are we?”

Tae goes on an entire monologue about how he was sure he’d hear this question sooner or later and he hops out of the car and rounds to the back and opens the trunk

the car wobbles a little as he grabs whatever he needs from the back and makes his way back to the driver’s seat again

he knocks on the window and gestures for you to head out to the back with him which you follow with the raise of an eyebrow

he gestures to the trunk and when you get back there you kinda just gasp like really loudly and stare at the box that sits right in the middle of the trunk and you don't know what to do

“go on, go grab it”

you freeze once more before going for it and touching the smooth surface

you’d recognize it anywhere

it was the latest nintendo wii and you knew it cost a bomb

“but wHY”

“because my girl needs to train up on mario kart so we can trash Jin at it”

“g-g-girl?”

“hell yeah baby”

and you leap into his arms

not because he got you a new game console with a pile of mario games

but because you really loved the boy in your arms

it didn't take long for him to creep into your heart and he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon :-)

AND IM DONE

[hobjoon]

Are you going to announce who won??? (I'm curious to see what they wrote)

I don’t usually announce my giveaway winners but sure, I’ll list them down here. Everything that they wrote were all very simple but I relate to them. It’s simple but very touching, imo :’)

@hoseokskitten#hobiforreal#oh wow okay why I love Hobi so much#Of course there's the normal reasons: he's so bright and cheerful and happy all the time and he just wants to make everyone smile#But it's so much more than that it's hard to articulate into words#I love how passionate he is#Passions is such a beautiful thing... to love something so much that it burns in your veins and sets your soul alive#And it's so evident how passionate he is#passionate about dancing and about loving the other members and his family and his fans#and so passionate about growing and bettering himself and making himself the absolute best that he can be#and I love how empathetic he is#He really truly just wants to brighten everyone's lives and when someone he loves is hurting it hurts him so much#And I love how you can always tell what he's feeling because he can't keep his emotions off of his face he's so open#And to know that he suffers from anxiety as well and he fights through it and brightens so many people's lives in spite of the anxiety#it's so inspiring#he really does give me so much hope#When I first got into BTS the first thing I read about Hobi was that he chose his name because#'he wants to be a source of light and hope for his fans'#and I really connected with that immediately I had an immediate connection with him#Because that's what I want to be for people I want to make everyone happy I want to be a safe space for people#So I connected with him immediately and the more I've learned about him the more I see myself in him#and he really just inspires me to be a better a person#he gives me hope for my own future and he inspires me to be the best person that I can be and to reach out to people who are hurting#and like /especially/ with the anxiety I've been fighting anxiety for years and knowing that he has too just makes me love him even more#and it just gives me that much more hope because he's actively showing me that it can be done#he's doing it I can do it too#he's fighting his own demons and he's still out there bettering himself and being such a bright ray of light and hope for people#he really is my hope#my light and my love

@hobgi#first of all bless u val ur so sweet for doing this!!!#okay for the reasons why i love hobi (lets see if theres a tag limit omg)#he's so beautiful and stunning and pretty and hot and sexy like he's so gorgeous#the way his cheeks rise when he smiles and the way he claps his hands while he laughs#the fact that people even say that he looks better in person too??? the thought makes me dizzy like his beauty radiates sm off of pics#and vids of him...like i cant imagine seeing him in real life i would probably faint#and ofc i cant forget how talented he is#not just his amazing dancing but EVERYTHING he does#his rapping and his vocals#like he didnt have much experience in rapping before bts and now???#he has some of the most iconic bts rap verses???#like remember that one time a fan told him that he was her fave rapper and he was so touched by it????? im really happy he got to hear that#like me too sis#he's my role model#i really admire a lot of things about him#i love his energy and positivity#and how he's able to be anyone's friend and just attract ppl#he has this charisma that i really admire and i want to be that person too??#to be so full of life and being able to draw any person to you??? like he IS That Person#he loves bts so much and he takes care of everyone and makes them happy#and how he pushes himself so hard and never stops#he'll work so hard that his feet start to bleed#he dedicates sm of himself into perfecting everything he does for bts#and honestly none of us deserves him??? and it makes me so sad that ppl would bash on him bc#AND ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS WHY I LOVE HIM IS THAT#HE!! MADE!! A!! SONG!! ABT!! HIS!! MOM!!#like he's in his twenties he coulve wrote abt anything#he's really such a good hearted person who is full of energy and dedication and love#i lov him sm :(( and im so proud of him ;-;

@hobis-moving-castle#i love him because he always seems to put others before himself#because he works so hard to not only perfect the choreo for himself but helps his members too#because he gets all shy and blushes when someone compliments him#because he worked so hard to learn how to rap even though he felt so out of place so he could be a good rapper for his team#because even though they have gained so much success he always mentions how he wants to be even better for us#because all he ever wanted was to be able to make his parents proud#because of the way his little ears stick out when he  wears hats#because of how his smile is as almost as bright as his personality#because although his personality may seem bright there are times where he is struggling himself but he never fails to put on his dazzling sm#ile for others in order to be there hope#because he is sugas battery that helps him gain energy#because i he loves to collect cute little figurines that are almost as cute as himself#because of the adorable mole on his lip#because of the way his dimples show when he eats food#because his laughter is so contagious you cant help but smile#because he is an amazing dancer rapper and singer yet he still remains so humble#because of his passion and deidcation his applies to everything that he does#because of that booty tho#because even though he sings infront of thousands of people hes still gets scared easily#because every comeback he reveals even more of his talents and never fails to amaze me#because of the way he pouts when he is unhappy about somethin#because of his relationship with the other memers and loving and attentive he is to their needs#because hes loud and cheery and all the people around him never seem unhappy#because of the boy meets evil intro performance#hell every performance ever he gives his 110% and i cant begin to express how much i admire and appreciate him#he deserves the world honestly

@sunnyhoseoks#i love hoseok because i feel such genuine feelings of pride and adoration for him#he's worked so damn hard to get where he is#he's so under-appreciated sometimes but he continues pursuing his dream#he has this determination and fire that comes out in him when he's on stage or even just practicing#that boy belongs on that stage#its his passion and it shows in his bright and fiery personality on stage#it never fails to take my breath away#i believe that that boy can do anything and everything#and even though he'll never know who i am#i will do whatever i can to give him my full support#because i believe he has something special within him#and his constant brightness?#truly admirable#he always puts in 200% into whatever he does#and i can imagine that would get exhausting#because he's human after all#and everyone has setbacks#but he doesn't let it get in his way#he truly fights to constantly emit positive energy#all i want is for him to be truly and purely happy in his life#and to be able to live with confidence in all that he does#whether that be in bts or dancing or whatever#if it makes him happy and he's healthy while doing it then i will be behind him#hobiforreal#im sorry i kinda ranted but i feel very passionate about hobi

[joisapig]

Looking Back and Moving Forward

With the new year resolution made, my life was back on track. So much freedom and happiness in me and I feel like the luckiest woman on earth to have so many close and loved ones supporting me.

¾ of 2016 had been rough from the beginning till after the break up. However, it was also a relief that I got myself out of that shit hole which I kept falling back in the last quarter. It wasn’t easy, and I wouldn’t say I was proud of myself either but I managed to get out of it.

And was I glad I did.

I become the person I am and do things I want to. The experiences were amazing and they filled me to the fullest.

Right after the rough stint, I went to Malacca with my brother and his family in mid Aug. They welcomed me with open arms and the “self-pitiful” me went along and was pulling a long face the whole three days because I was supposedly heart-broken. However, having family around is the best thing ever. They left you alone to your moods but still tried to be there at the same time. For that, I’m grateful.

Estelle invited me to try pole dance with her. At first I was skeptical, I ain’t got no dancing bones in me! Been there, done that! 4 years in modern dance in secondary school. And I still feel stiff as fuck. I suspect it could be my shoulders know. Like cmon, relax man~ But, I still went for it. I joined kfit. What’s there to lose? Nothing. I needed to keep fit anyway. Tried many studios, tbh it was fucking fun. I’ve always love doing new things, more of like challenging myself. Imagine hanging on the pole and doing some awesome tricks but still looking graceful. Well, I can try that, cant I? But, I was err “shy” or should I say lazy? And this is what Estelle told me, “I’m going US the next month and you should really go for classes yourself instead of only when with me. Because this will then prove that you genuinely like it and you aren’t going because I am.” Woah. What?! That was a given challenge. Hey woman, I love it so I’m gonna show you that I really do. And that’s when I did. Went for pole classes myself, made new friends and brought friends in. Fun as fuck. And Estelle returned from US amused and proud of my improvements.

Phuket in Sept was next with liyuan for 5D4N. It was amazing. I said I want to surf and she went right along with me. That was fun and I absolutely enjoyed myself that we went again! It was liberating to do things for myself. I had time. Time for myself which was lost when I didn’t know how to manage.

Then Bangkok in Oct was next with lovely Huiyi and Zhimin. Huiyi’s mentor tagged along and I must say I was a little sad that they didn’t have anything going on. I really wish for her to have someone who’s not him in her life instead. Then there will be future ahead. But Bangkok was fun. I shopped so much! Bought stuff for myself too! I was happpppy!

And in the very same month, I got a surprise from my manager that I’ve got a salary adjustment for my work. It was great news because I felt at least now I’m earning the “right” amount in comparison to others in the society. I love my job. I love IT. And to be recognized for my effort was encouraging because this is a company which values its people. I’m blessed.

In Nov, I’ve decided to join an all girls’ darts league. It was a great decision made. Tiring as it was, I got to meet many people and gained league experiences. It was challenging and for the first few games, I was nervous. I always wish that I can focus. It’s like I am a 3 minutes person. Ooo, I love this, I’m gonna do this and excel in it. Then, I lose focus and it’s gone. But this league, it keeps me going. I didn’t have a choice. It was a commitment. And because I have teammates which I don’t want to “let down”, I practice. And when you practice, you improve. And it is still fun to me. When you hit the bulls and triples, the sounds coming from the dart board exhilarate me.

Yixuan broke up in Dec. She said I seem so happy and doing things that I like which made her see why her relationship wasn’t working out. I don’t know how her relationship was. But I have always felt that relationships starting out since secondary schools or junior colleges lasting till now seems to be like couples only having each other. This is what I see from social media which I could be wrong but the couples are usually hanging out with only each other. And that isn’t healthy I suppose. Sometimes, we need friends around us too. But of course, always set your priorities right. I’m really glad for her though. Super glad. Not the break up but her changes. She is so much happier now and amazing. She was the matured one in our clique. Now there’s this wild side of her appearing and full of life. Spontaneous but hopefully, still able to keep herself safe.

So past 2016 after the break up, I told myself that I would stay single for a year but I have friends telling me there’s no such thing. When love comes, it comes.

Even though I said I would be single, I did go dating around. I was just thinking like hey you know what, I have to meet people. Meeting people is interesting. You get to read them, find out what you like or dislike. I know I don’t have to meet guys and I don’t need any more new friends, but I would wanna know what’s good for me too. I’ve always wanted to settle down but I find out that hey, it doesn’t work that way. You don’t want to settle down then you meet anyone and that could be the person for you. No. Because you don’t settle. I want to meet the person who makes me want to settle down with. The idea is different now.

Truth be told, I’ve probably met about 7 new persons from tinder. None matters of course. But sometimes, the funny thing in life comes least expected. Met up with Chelsea and the rest as usual to have meal in HV and we were just talking about life when she teased me about liking Indians and wanting to intro her friend to me. I was like nah, not interested luh. I don’t like Indians specifically but I like nice people. And liking nice people don’t mean I have a thing for anyone. So after the meal here and there, apparently there was a plan to go clubbing and her Indian friend was going along. And that’s when I met him.

Okay, cute. Okay, tall. Hello beer belly. Hello smokes. Eek. Nopes! Haha! So I formed these in my head. But he suddenly became fucking cute to me that night in the wee morning which must be due to the alcohol. Entwined his fingers around mine to lead me in the club was interesting as I dont usually do that with strangers. But then again, my clubbing experiences could be counted with two hands back then. Haha.

Whatever it is, somehow, he texted me the following evening and we began texting everyday. I would say our texts were purely friends. Just talking and I didn’t read much in them which of course I shouldn’t. He seemed nice but I didn’t feel that we had a lot to talk about because we were only getting to know each other. But when we started to self disclose in our meetings, it felt different like in a nice way.

And in someway, he slowly grew on me like a constant. I can tell him anything and I don’t have to worry what fucks he thinks about me. I can be me and I am me. I feel comfortable around him and it was nice yet scary at the same time. I don’t know what the fuck I was getting myself into. I really don’t want history to repeat itself and so I really have to protect myself. I am cool headed. I have to be. I was a diver. Not literally. But someone who falls head over heels over a human quickly and stays devoted when there is supposedly chemistry or sparks. I can’t be that person anymore. This time, I need to be in control of myself.

He told me he likes me and asked me to go The Canopi with him but I was afraid. I don’t want to get hurt again in any way know. And somehow, when he mentioned Taiwan (I love Taiwan), I thought hey that seems fine.

Side track (so me!), I went to Bangkok with my family and friends in early Jan. Months filled with travels make me happy. All the exciting line ups. I feel like a free bird. Oh and I joined a new mixed darts league too as the previous one ended. This bunch of new people is just as fun and lovely!

Anyway back to Taiwan, I went there with him this Feb. It kinda changed things. We grew even closer and I would say we had fun together. Good fun. And I really enjoyed his company. He’s respectful and have amazing self-control there. Thumbs up gentleman. And Kenting was fucking amazing. Especially that one full day we had where we e-scootered the area and ended the night off with the perfect suggestion from him to look at stars together on the beach in the night. I’ve always wanted to do stuff like that and I get to with him. Seems like our travel plans just worked out and flowed when we are together. For now I would say as it is just the beginning. I daren’t look into the future just as yet.

A week plus after Taiwan, we had our first fight kinda too and he just bolted. It felt like when things got bad, the supposedly close person to you would leave. It felt like people only stay when time is good. That feeling sucks big time but we did get to know one another a little more than before. I could have just fucked it and moved on with life initially but me being me, I needed answers and clear cut ones too so I messaged him first. Felt like a loser but as usual I wanted closure. What was the point of closure though when someone doesn’t want me already and yet I kept questioning why. No means no, simple as that. But if he bolts again, I don’t think I want to deal with it because it hurts I hope I am firmer and stronger now than before.

Anyway we had our first staycation together on 25 March. It was the best stay I ever had. I felt so at ease with him just being me. Saying shit and doing silly things with him knowing that he will not view me indifferently after. It was liberating and exciting much. Lovely meal at TheLab. He picks good meal choices yet he doesn’t know. Heh. And all he talks about was McSpicy, no lettuce add cheese only. Teehee. And jacuzzi was awesome. There were lights and he filled the jacuzzi up with bath salts and shower gel. So many bubbles and so foamy! We drank and danced a little. His dance moves are so frigging adorable. Haha!! I love it when he seems so carefree and happy. Okay fine, he drank a lot more than me. Ha!

Oh and when he winks with one side of his lips inching upwards, that is fucking hot and cute. There’s this cheeky kid in him that makes me smiles and I just want to squish him so bad. Those big eyes staring into mine. I can lose myself in his eyes all day and night.

Mid March was Hongkong trip with my JC clique. So blessed to be able to hang with them the 9 years of friendship and still counting. That aside, all I can say was boy am I glad someone didn’t show up due to work. Because by then, I only want to be seeing him and none other.

Oh and I’m rubbing my feet now too. So smoooth.