#hes like a small little mouse who i feed little pieces of cheese and also some crackers

[mystery-fish-17]

This specific outfit is so tboy

[i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle]

Chapter 7 - Good Mourning, Fluttershy

When Fluttershy left the castle, she decided she’d take her time for a bit before heading out to invite who she wants to. Besides, she had animals to feed both at the sanctuary near her cottage and in her home first. She shopped at the markets in Ponyville for vegetables and other kinds of pet food. Even visiting a fish store that while Ponies did not eat fish, they’re still sold as food for many ponies who have pets with carnivore diets. While fish are animals too, and Fluttershy enjoys seeing fishes when she’s swimming. She understands that she can’t force the carnivores to become herbivores. Depriving dogs, cats, bears, etc. of the diet they’re naturally attuned to would be wrong even if Fluttershy feels bad for the poor fish.

To be a nature lover like Fluttershy. you sometimes just have to understand that nature isn’t always kind. Even as the element of kindness, she can’t bend nature to her will. Though perhaps to the comfort of Fluttershy, for many of the fish that are sold as pet food, the very nature of those species is to be so plentiful as to allow the ones that avoid being caught or eaten survive to eventually give birth to more.

After finishing up her shopping, she flies over to the sanctuary and gives all animals she come across food to eat, to all kinds currently in her sanctuary. From amphibians, to birds, to insects, to mammals, and reptiles. The sanctuary gives Fluttershy a way to observe the animals she loves as they should be out in the wild rather then being confined to her home or for some of them, risking having to trek the Everfree in order to see them. Though Fluttershy still lets many of the smaller animals take shelter in her home, as many parts of her cottage include birdhouses, mouse holes, etc. She moved most animals she had to the sanctuary, but she still very much has her own little animal neighborhood to come home to whenever she walked in. Speaking of which, it was time to head in to her cottage to feed said little neighborhood.

She heads to the front door of her cottage, and opens the door to greet her many, many, small roommates.

Fluttershy: Goooooood morning! I have fresh treats for all of you.

Many animals comes out of their hiding places and approach Fluttershy to receive food and/or care from the loving pegasus that has let them seek shelter in her home. Suddenly she gets a few pokes on her flank from what definitely is an impatient bunny rabbit.

Fluttershy: Oh don’t worry Angel, I didn’t forget about you. Here’s a nice bowl of carrots for you.

Fluttershy leaves the bowl of carrots, and the feisty little bunny starts munching. Fluttershy gives a generally pleased look as a good majority of her animals are fed. Though she does notice a rather odd absence of a certain group in her household.

Fluttershy: Say, I don’t suppose any of you have seen any sign of Mr. Mousey or anyone in his family have you?

The animals listening to her either shrug or shake their head from side-to-side. Mr. Mousey is one of the ol’ veteran animals that’s been in the house around for years and barely ever missed feeding time even when he’s confined to a tiny wheelchair. Either his wife or his child who has grown up now helping him when it was time. Fluttershy walks on over to the mouse hole she knows Mr. Mousey and his family lives.

Fluttershy: Mr. Mousey? Are you doing alright? You’re starting to worr- *peeks into the hole* GAAAAASSSSSSSSP

Fluttershy screams, in the hole is… Mr. Mousey slumped in his chair having passed away in his old age, his light-grey wife Mrs. Mousey covering her eyes with her tiny claws and crying. Their grown-up white son holding on to his old mother in comfort and mutual grief for the death of his father.

Fluttershy: MISTER MOUSSSEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fluttershy averts her eyes from the hole . Lays down on the ground and just starts tearing up heavily. Once again, a beloved animal resident has died in her home. Fluttershy’s been through this many times as an animal caretaker. But it never really gets any easier to see, she can never be numb to the death of an animal she raised in the house.

The other animals seeing the grieving Fluttershy immediately come to her to comfort her as best they can.

Fluttershy: t-t-Thank y-you a-a-all… *sniff* It’s j-just s-still s-so -s-sad… Mr. Mousey’s life was just a little bit longer then the friendship with my other friends here for the exception of Rainbow Dash! *sniff* I-i-i remember when h-he… w-was just a k-kid m-m-mouse that was looking for f-food… I-i-i gave him a piece of cheese… a-and t-then he started c-coming back for m-more. In time s-showing up one time with a m-mate. A-and t-that’s when I d-decided to g-give them a m-mouse hole h-home… had their c-child h-ere and e-e-e-everything *sniff*

Fluttershy putting her face back on the ground and continues sobbing. Eventually she’s going to have to pick herself up. Put the body of Mr. Mousey in a nice box and bury him in an area near the edge of the everfree where Fluttershy buries all her deceased pets. She’s wobbly and still weak in the knees from the sheer sadness she feels. But she proceeds to start to do so. She finds a box, pulls out some cotton floof from her pillows, puts it in the box and leaves it just outside the hole. Signaling Mr. Mousey’s family to bring the wheelchair out of the hole for the last time to bring his body for Fluttershy to put in the box. Fluttershy carefully holds the body and lays him to rest in the cushioned box that now serves as a coffin for her beloved old mouse pet. She takes one last look at the body of Mr. Mousey, noticeably she actually sees that Mr. Mousey has a smile on his face. Sort of actually comforting Fluttershy, as she at least views that he lived quite abnormally long for a mouse, and he died happy. Fluttershy closes the box and ties a ribbon around it. Meanwhile, Mrs. Mousey and her son get up onto Fluttershy’s back using their claws to climb Fluttershy’s long tail to take part in the funeral.

It was now time to take the long walk to her pet cemetery again.

((Story continues after the break))

Moments later, Fluttershy reaches the cemetery of all her pets of the past, she reaches for a shovel she leaves there, and makes a small hole big enough to bury Mr. Mousey. She places the box down, and proceeds to bury the box. Once that’s done, Fluttershy, Mrs. Mousey, and Mr. Mousey’s son put their hooves/claws together in a praying position. Paying their last respects for the old mouse.

A few minutes later, suddenly Fluttershy feels what seems to be rain.

Fluttershy: Is it starting to rain? I didn’t think the weather patrol had rain scheduled today… but I guess perhaps even the planet is crying for Mr. Mousey...

But then Fluttershy see something a little odd about the rain, it was brown, and when she gave it a lick it tasted like… chocolate milk! Fluttershy looks above her is a big pink cotton candy cloud. Cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain could only be the work of…

Fluttershy: Discord, I know that’s you up there…

Sure enough a neck cranes down from the side of the cloud and goes down to Fluttershy’s level on the ground.

Discord: Hello dear, Fluttershy, How are things with you today?

Fluttershy: I’m not sure I’ll be in any mood for your antics today, Discord. Mr. Mousey h-has.. p-passed a-away… you happened to interrupt during my f-funeral for him...

Discord: Mr. Mousey kicked the bucket today? Shoot, he made one heck of a cup of tea.

Fluttershy: Wait, you’ve drank tea with Mr. Mousey?

Discord: Yes, I actually taught him how, and then he proceeded to make better tea then I ever could. Granted he can’t make a lot of tea given he was a mouse. Though it certainly feels like more then it is, when I’ve shrunken myself.

Fluttershy: I wish I knew that sooner, I would of liked to shrink myself with you to Mr. Mousey’s hole at least one time… *sniff*

Discord: Well I think thankfully his wife knows how to make tea as well, so there’s always that some other time.

Fluttershy: I suppose that’s true, but it also would of been neat to be at Mr. Mousey’s size as equals for once before he passed.

Fluttershy briefly goes back into a praying position. Discord ponders for a little bit before proposing something to Fluttershy.

Discord: You know Fluttershy, I COULD probably revive Mr. Mousey and the other pets in this cemetery if you wante-

Fluttershy: NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Discord: You didn’t even let me fin-

Fluttershy: Discord, I know how your chaos magic works by now. I’m not letting you turn all my beloved pets from my entire life as an animal caretaker become a zombie army that ravages through Ponyville!

Fluttershy wasn’t quite giving Discord “The Stare” but she nonetheless was not having any tolerance for Discord’s suggestion

Discord: What? It’d be an exciting episode of this sh-

A ringtone rings.

Discord: Hold on, I think that’s my agent

Fluttershy: ...Your what now?

Discord picks up the phone

Discord: Yes….? 

Wait, what do you mean the show ended after the 9th season?!  I didn’t even get to have a chance to make up for what I was written to do in the finale! Apparently some hated that...

Well what am I doing here then?! 

Oh? I’m in a blog or website fan fiction that continues where things left off? 

Bleh, this is just going to be full of namby-pamby dramatic twists & reveals, and chock full of the emotional drivel that fans like to call “feels”. 

I’ll stick around, but you better be taking calls for some better gigs right now!

Fluttershy just stands there confused

Discord: Ok Fluttershy, now I know what we’re in. What direction do you want to go in? Should we share a sob story each of what life we had with Mr. Mousey, perhaps an arc about his little son picking up the mantle? or perhaps... a plot twist that Mr. Mousey was actually murdered and we look for suspects!

Fluttershy: …I have no idea what you’re talking about

Discord: Really Fluttershy, it us all so simpl-

Fluttershy: DISCORD! Enough shenanigans, a dear pet to me just died and you’re making things worse when you’re like this as I’m grieving…

Discord: Oh… I guess you’re right, Fluttershy. I’m sorry, let me do something to try to make it up to you.

Discord makes a grave that’s ‘like 100x larger then the actual burial spot where Mr. Mousey’s body is. Fluttershy takes a close look and reads the epitaph “Here lies Mr. Mousey, a husband, a father, and the kindest, best tea-making, wheel-chair bound mouse who shall forever be eating his favorite cheeses to his heart content up in the sky”. She admits that it was at least a little touching.

Fluttershy: Thank you Discord, that’s much better.

Discord: You’re welcome, Fluttershy.

Fluttershy: I think I’m ready to get back home, wanna go with m- whaaaaaa!

Discord snapped his claw hand, and him, Fluttershy, along with what’s left of the mouse family are already teleported back in the living room.

Discord: Why walk, when you have me!

Fluttershy: Well maybe it could of been a nice stroll, you know? But oh well… I have something to ask you Discord.

Discord: Oh no, is this the moment of the fan fiction you confess your love to me and ask me on a date? And does the author of this want me to be happy about that or not?

Fluttershy: What? No, I was inviting you to a royal ball!

Discord: Where’ll we end up dancing in the ballroom together singing a song like a certain romantic fairy tale. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the drill.

Fluttershy: *facehoofs* Ugh, you’re impossible sometimes. I’m offering an invite to you just as one of my friends to take to Saddle Arabia.

Discord: Saddle Arabia? Wasn’t that the place you and the others almost were killed by an insane stallion who mind controlled Twilight?! Perhaps, I should actually come just for your security…

Fluttershy: Well, Twilight and the royal family there are taking extra precautions. But if you feel you could provide more security for us you’re free to.

Discord: Perhaps, though say what was the name of the bad person you girls defeated there?

Fluttershy: Zathir

Discord: Yes, I could also come over there to haunt Zathir’s dreams for daring to try to harm a single feather on you.

Discord suddenly wearing a black hat, red and green striped hat, and gloves with sharp knives protruding from them

Discord: This… is Chaos

Fluttershy: Heh, it wasn’t so funny at the time given it was a life or death situation. But I was the one that ultimately brought him down because I knocked the lamp down as he was battling with Spike.

Discord: Ah yes, perfect! I can have him replay that moment of his life over-and-over again. Mua hahahaha!

Fluttershy: *giggles* Well, anyway just to be sure. You DO want to go, right?

Discord: Of course.

Fluttershy: Good, now I can go find a few more friends to get here. I can use my gum portals to…

Discord: Why bother? You got me, tell me who you plan to invite and I can just snap them here, and snap them back once they’ve said yes.

Fluttershy: That sounds kinda rude… but uh if say I came across Bulk Biceps in Ponyville…

*SNAP*

Bulk Biceps: YEEAAAAAA- Oof

Bulk Biceps lands on the floor of the cottage.

Fluttershy: Uh hi Bulk, sorry for that. But I guess I get to invite you Saddle Arabia for a royal ball. You want to go?

Bulk Biceps: YEEEEAAAAA-

*SNAP*

Bulk Biceps is teleported back to where he was

Fluttershy: Um, Discord if you’re going to teleport my invitees here at least allow me some time to talk to them.

Discord: I mean, to be fair it’s his gag that YEAAAAA is all he says. So I’m not sure the conversation was going to be much anyway…

Fluttershy: Anyway… next is my parents and my brother.

*SNAP*

Fluttershy’s parents and Zephyr Breeze are teleported to the cottage.

Posey Shy (Fluttershy’s Mother): Whoa!

Gentle Breeze (Fluttershy’s Father): Huh? What are we doing in Fluttershy’s cottage?

Zephyr Breeze: Sis, just what in the name of Celestia is happening?

Fluttershy: Sorry, all of you. I’m inviting friends and family to an event I’m going to, and I guess Discord wants to speed things up a bit by simply bringing who I want to bring here. Don’t worry, he’ll bring you right back to whatever you were doing before.

Posey Shy: Where are you going?

Fluttershy: There will be a royal ball in Saddle Arabia all my friends are bringing their families as well as some of their own friends they’ve met around the world. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, just thought I’d offer.

Gentle Breeze: Well sure, I suppose. A nice trip to somewhere new could be nice.

Posey Shy: I’m interested

Zephyr Breeze: I’ll gladly go, another chance to make my move on a certain wonderbolt friend of yours… *wiggles his eyebrow*

Fluttershy rolls her eyes, she’s going to enjoy the moment Rainbow Dash bucks him in the face again.

Fluttershy: Ok thanks, all of you! I’ll see you later! Discord, you can take them back now.

*SNAP*

Fluttershy’s family disappears and are sent back to their home in Cloudsdale.

Fluttershy: Ok, now there’s only only one more invitee, Discord. I need you to get Tree Hugger here.

Discord: Heh, with her coming at least I get to say I was invited before her this time.

*SNAP*

Tree Hugger is brought to the cottage but it seems she was in deep meditation where she was, because she seems to have not noticed.

Fluttershy: Um, Tree Hugger?

Tree Hugger hears a familiar voice and breaks out of her meditation trance.

Tree Hugger: Whhoooooooaaaaaaa dude, did my meditation give me such enlightenment that I can travel the world now?

Fluttershy:  No it wasn’t your meditation, Tree Hugger. That was Discord that brought you here.

Tree Hugger: Oh hey, yeah I remember you. You… sent me to some weird sock puppet dimension…

Discord: No hard feelings?

Tree Hugger: Nah, I ain’t mad, dude. That’s not my style, though I at least hope all your bad vibes from your jealousy are gone.

Discord: Nah I’m good, besides. Fluttershy invited me first!

Tree Hugger: Ah, so you don’t have bad vibes of jealousy this time. But now you have some pouring from a big ego.

Discord deadpans and crosses his arms. Fluttershy giggles.

Fluttershy: Anyway, Tree Hugger would you like to come with me, Discord, and many of my other friends to Saddle Arabia for a Royal Ball?

Tree Hugger: Sure thing Flutterdude, I’ve heard Saddle Arabia has some nice meditation techniques that I can see firsthand.

Fluttershy: Great! I’ll see you there! Discord, go ahead and get her back home.

Tree Hugger ohms and goes back into meditation just before Discord sends her back

Fluttershy: Ok that takes care of every pony, I guess thank you, Discord. Even if this method was a little forceful…

Discord: Hey, if it moves the story about. So what do we do now.

Fluttershy: We just wait for the others to finish.

Discord: Wait, you’re saying that like we’re not even the main characters of this fiction?!

Fluttershy: Wat

Discord: Hold on, I need to call my agent back…

Fluttershy: …….

Confuzzling as always, Fluttershy and Discord now simply await word for when the ball starts

UP NEXT: Chapter 8: The Pink Pony Party Preperations

[thetradeway]

Session 46: 3 Jul 2021: Has he tried being less of a malignant turd?

Gosh it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sadly we are down a Grease Wizard again today; Sophie will puppet Gideon for Ed.

Next week, hopefully Matthew will be starting his own campaign for us - I will try to keep some notes, but I don’t expect they’ll be quite as comprehensive as they are for this one.

Right. Have we all taken rests, yes? Good. Well the good news is, after fighting the hydra, the sea-witch has escaped but the weather and the journey improve. The crew seem happier and we go a few days without incident. Ahleqs wants to feed Simon some lumps of hydra or shark, see if he likes that.

Kessler is trying to figure out water skis, and having another look at the schematics she took from the gnome tinker. We all notice there are religious symbols drawn on the tinker’s door in chalk that were not there before. Ardvack, the Right Ruddy Religious knows all about them - the gnome’s gone for basically every god in the pantheon. Just in case.

Kessler wants to make the invention the gnome was working on, and take it to show him her ‘new invention’. Does Waterdeep have IP laws?

She still can’t quite get it to work, however.

Adrvack goes and borrows the Captain’s teapot and and teas, and goes to visit Amelia. Tarragon heads to the kitchen for some cooking sherry with Lolo. Popcorn has put on some weight on the trip, and is snoring (and occasionally farting) in front of the stove.

Aegea climbs up to the crow’s nest with Melaina and points out some white cliffs ahead. She says that’s how the Sword Coast got its name - because from at sea, the cliffs look like swords. Melaina asks how long before we hit land; about two days.

Ahleqs goes to the poop deck to converse with Sparks about defensive spells when you’re running away; you know, important sorcerer business. Gideon is spending a lot of time with the two dwarves, drinking and carousing. He doesn’t seem to pitch in much with his job on the ship.

Is Carl still in one piece? How’s the sea air treating him? He is wandering around patting people on the shoulder and giving them thumbs ups. Team building. He might draw some new pictures.

Tarragon returns from the kitchens - as she passes, the door of the tinker’s room opens and she hears “Pssst!”

Has she noticed anything strange? “…In what way?” He looks uncertain. In an unnatural way. She asks him what he’s noticed. Has she had any unwelcome visitors in her room? “No! Have you?”

He says he’s probably said too much, and shuts the door. She knocks on it. “Are you in trouble? We’re here to look after the ship and guests, if there’s something bothering you, we might be able to help.”

He woke to a figure looming over him one night. He thinks it’s ‘one of those vampires’.

“Can you remember what he looked like?” Well, he nudges her conspiratorially, all those humans look the same right? “What makes you think it was a vampire?” He said he was. “Have you been tinkering with any chemicals, could you have ingested something that might give you squiffy dreams…?” He slams the door.

Next day the captain comes to each of us to say that we should reach Baldur’s Gate tomorrow. He doesn’t know why this voyage was so fraught with danger, but he’s glad we were here.

Ahleqs says he’s sorry the Captain seems to have been so unwell; he is feeling better now but thinks it was something he ate. Ardvack points out that Lolo has access to all the food; Tarragon tells him if there was poison in the kitchen, he (Ardvack) would be dead by now. He gives that some thought.

Tarragon asks Lolo if she knows of anything the Captain might have eaten; the night before the attack, he was eating with the paying guests. It was mostly finger foods, cheeses and wines and fruit that was brought straight up from the hold, it never went to the kitchens. Hmm.

Is there anything else we want to do before we get to Baldur’s Gate? Ahleqs wants to know what it was that weakened the Captain. He seems hung up on that. He and Sparks have been checking for residual magic after the sea witch’s departure. Sparks thinks the sea witch poisoned the Captain, since he is a renowned fighter and was rendered unable to help when the sahuagin attacked.

What about this vampire? Let’s see if there’s anyone tall and bitey. Kessler: “What if it’s someone small and bitey?” Ahleqs: “Well we’ll have to investigate at a lower level.”

We decide to try and convince the gnome to let us stake out his room, since we only have one night left on the ship. Kessler and Tarragon try a spot of persuasion. The gnome seems delighted to let us, since he won’t be getting much sleep anyway. He tells Tarragon he’ll have none of her cheek, however; she was very rude, suggesting he drinks his own chemicals. She bites her tongue while Ardvack sniggers and walks away.

Ahleqs stakes out the outside of the room in case something happens inside, then he can run and get someone stronger. Carl offers to sit with him; they can play cards. (They’ll have to explain the card game to Carl, as well as stop him eating the cards. Ardvack, explaining: "Every time he lifts the cards to his face you have to say, “Ah ah!”) Usha is going to sit with them as well, and join the card game.

Kessler makes another Tinker check as she works with the gnome on his invention, since they're both going to be up all night anyway, and rolls a 20. They crack it! He gives her a copy of his notes - it’s a tube that lights up when you twist it, and off when you twist it again. She’s learned how to make a Maglite.

Tarragon rolls a nat 20 for her Perception, but nothing happens at all while we watch. On the plus side our gnome friend has not been eaten. He hands Tarragon a gold piece as she leaves and says “Might I suggest a hairbrush.” She stares at him coldly, drops the coin on the floor and walks away.

Tarragon, to Kessler as they walk away: “This look is a choice, I’ve spent time on it…”

Amelia tells Ardvack to put the tea away; they’ll drink hers. Is there anything he wanted to talk about?

He blusters; he’s a little troubled. He’s out of place in this world. Can he be candid with her? “Are you capable?” Yes, when needs must.

He blurts out a load of stuff that none of the rest of us know about being sent to Candlekeep when he was little, parental issues, no friends, off-putting personality. The first adventure he went on was a disaster - a beholders lair, the thing was meant to be dead, they were taking notes when it attacked, Ardvack was turned to stone for 200 years, rescuer was killed in animal attack. Before he was a statue, he used to hear a divine voice - but since he returned he has heard nothing and is feeling very isolated. Is there a way he and Amelia can keep in touch, and perhaps she can advise him? He feels adrift in the world.

She listens patiently. They drink a lot of tea. She goes to her pack and says she mentioned before that she is an enchanter. She gives him a mirror; he can contact her through that over distance and they can talk . Not all the time, though. He thanks her. In the mean time, has he tried being less of a malignant turd?

He tells her about Blue Alley. Has she heard of it? She shakes her head. He tells her about the befuddlement and the poems; ever since then any effort on his part has been ‘poorly received’ so he stopped trying. Amelia asks, who did he write the poems to?

“Ugh. The gnome.”

She’s a very beautiful gnome, Amelia tells him. (Damn right.)

“But she’s a gnome!”

Amelia doesn’t think Tarragon would be keen to marry him, and tells him infatuation is normal. (Sophie describes Matthews’ expression for us; he looks horrified.) Amelia tells him to try gold or a flower next time. She also gives him a book titled ‘Basic Manners��, and tells him if she catches him going thorough anyone’s letters again she’ll have his hand off. “The word is nosy, and we’re all nosy, but we’re not all blatant.”

He promises not to abuse the mirror, and leaves her to her business, taking the book with him.

(He calls her immediately after he’s left. “I’m having problems again!”)

The following morning we arrive in the harbour of Baldur’s Gate; Ahleqs’ home. Are we going to meet his parents? Ahleqs flatly: “I think it’s safe to say that we are not.”

We are only passing through here. Gideon is waving a tankard around; Buckla gave it to him when he won a drinking contest. It doesn’t spill (magically) and he can use it as an improvised weapon.

Lolo thanks Tarragon for her help and says she would make an amazing sous chef. She gives Tarragon her ladle. Tarragon protests at first, but accepts it with her thanks. “Lolo, I will treasure it, thank you.”

Usha approaches us; can she still travel with us? Of course!

The Captain asks if we still want help finding someone to take us to Candlekeep; we’ll have to go by road. A merchant’s caravan, perhaps? We’ll be taking the Trade Way, it’ll be just like old times. Then we’ll take the Lion’s Way, which will take us to Candlekeep. We ask around at the docks for merchants travelling that way, with the Captain leading us. He introduces us to a human merchant.

Rirdun Gritsk is his name, and he has delicious calamari in his backpack. We offer him our protection in exchange for his taking us with him; the Captain recommends us personally. Rirdun agrees.

We’ve found the only squid merchant in Baldur’s Gate; this caravan is going to stink. (Actually he’s taking paper; the tentacles are his lunch.)

Ahleqs holds up his mouse cart and suggests we might make use of it. Rirdun, seeing only a tiny cart, pats him on the shoulder with a condescending look; Ahleqs shrugs and stashes the cart in his pocket for later. Kessler hurts Simon’s fuzzy little feelings by suggesting we hire horses.

Melaina, Tarragon and Ardvack make History checks. Ardvack rolls a 19. He knows that the Cloakwood we will pass is ancient and will contain druid circles and sentient trees. He shudders at Tarragon and says the place is ghastly and should be burned.

Tarragon, dead fucking serious: “If you so much as light a match, I will destroy you.” Fortunately we are only passing, not going through.

Ahleqs, Barometer of Bad, starts to get a nervous feeling in his stomach.

Unless he wants to see his folks or his old boss we can be off, however. He thinks not. "We’ve already had one exposition piece in this episode."

We’re eight days or so out. The first four pass uneventfully.

Tarragon thinks it won’t be long before she can ride Popcorn; he’s getting big now. She can sit and chatter with him as well. (She might tell him some of her thoughts about Ardvack, if she can do it in a language Ardvack doesn’t understand.)

Could Ardvack get a piggyback off Carl? Depends; how heavy is he, and will bits of Carl’s shoulders fall off? Ardvack changes his mind and tries to have a conversation with Kessler instead. She said previously that she wasn’t a goblin, he tries to find out what that actually means because we never revisited that.

The world’s a strange place, she tells him. She’s stuck in the form of a goblin, she isn’t *a* goblin. So… how come? As far as she knows, it’s a curse on her family line. Ardvack is familiar with the concept. Who by, how long ago?

Before she was born. What manner of curse? She doesn’t know, or won’t say. If she has the chance or the time she investigates to try and find out. So far not much luck. She asked her father, and he didn’t know either. Every now and then one of the line is born as a goblin, or some other creature.

Is she related to a Gladstone? No.

She asks him about Carl. Will he keep him going until he falls apart, or will he be allowed to rest? No, he has grand plans for Carl. He knows that’s wrong, right? Carl should be allowed to rest. Ardvack’s plan is to resurrect him. He doesn’t have the magical capability, but he’s looking for someone who does. The plan is to send Carl back to his family. He’s only been dead a month or so.

That kind of magic is expensive. Perhaps a good samaritan will step in, or he will learn a spell that can do what he’s trying to do. Carl can always start over. Ardvack made a promise to him. He looks fondly over at Carl. "I think there’s still something in there."

Kessler, unimpressed: “Yes. Worms.”

On the evening of the fourth day, the merchant tells us there’s a lake where we can camp, water the horse, wash clothes, bathe etc. Ardvack Prestidigitations himself; Tarragon rolls her eyes.

Tarragon does cooking duty. The lake is large, but not big enough to be on the map. We are in the equivalent month of July and the water of the lake is lovely and cool. Kessler sets up her Alarm spell. Ahleqs washes his outer clothes but wears his underthings to bathe; Tarragon doesn’t hesitate but strips off and leaps into the water.

Usha moves her bedroll inside Kessler’s Alarm spell. We take watches. Carl stands watch all night like Arnie in Terminator.

Tarragon rolls a 24 total for the cooking - we can have Advantage on two rolls in the next day. Ardvack refuses the food.

Usha and Ahleqs take first watch; she tells him all about her travels and the barbarian tribe. She wants to try to contact them again. The watch passes without event.

Melaina and Kessler roll Perception - Melaina gets 24. Joe changes to a battle map. Uh oh…

Melaina hears the horse, that has been resting, get up. It looks uneasy, and backs off further down the beach. She hears something moving on the lakeshore. Looking east, she can see - actually it’s not within her darkvision range. But she hears something move. The DM gives her a free turn.

Should she wake us? She uses her action to do that. Kessler kicks Ahleqs, and sets off her Alarm manually. Ahleqs does indeed scream when he wakes up, and that scream is the verbal part of the Mage Armour spell.

Tarragon is up first, with a natural 20 initiative. She moves a little closer and sees the edge of the thing; it’s big. She casts Greater Shldgljdfkajsdadabbllhh, and readies an attack. As soon as it’s within walloping distance, she will wallop it.

Kessler moves up next to Tarragon and takes a shot with her crossbow. (If it comes up “Kessler shoots at Tarrasque” Ahleqs is just going to start running.) Nat 20! Poke in the belly, triple damage. Tarragon fist-bumps her. Her second shot misses. She goes for higher ground, making a DEX check - 9, which is ‘good enough’.

Are we starting from prone since we just woke up, because Ardvack wants to know how far away he can run on his turn? No, because Melaina took her free turn to wake us so we had a chance to stand up before combat began.

Popcorn runs forward and sits on his back legs, roars at the thing and readies an attack.

An Assassin hits Ardvack out of nowhere for 17, which hits. He makes a CON save against the poison. Matthew, OOC: “Is that absolutely necessary?” Joe: “Absolutely vital.”

He fails, taking 8 piercing and 26 poison, as well as 14 sneak attack damage. What the fuhhhhh…

Whatever did that slips back into the shadows. It’s rolled a blinder of a stealth check. Ardvack looks down at the arrow and says “Oh. Um…”

Ahleqs is up. “Well this has changed things.” He finishes casting Mage Armour, and moves up next to Tarragon, believing her to be scarier than whatever is attacking.

Grease Wizard. Normally he would Grease something, that’s the go-to move. What was the trajectory of the arrow, Sophie wants to know? Which way is it pointing out of Ardvack? Ardvack makes an Insight check but rolls a 5; he can’t remember which way he was facing when he was hit. He notes that he might insta-die if that happens again.

Joe lets us know that he will put the assassin token on the map when it attacks; we are to watch our screens. If it rolls a good Stealth (above all our passive perceptions) it will disappear again.

Gideon Thunderwaves the scorpion - oh, so that’s what it is. Nope, because it’s too far away. Sophie goes for Magic Missile instead for 12 damage.

It’s Pinchy’s go. We are not fans of Pinchy. It moves towards us.

Gideon, seeing the thing bearing down on him: “It wasn’t me who sent the Magic Missile - you want the green one!”

It seizes him in one claw. 22 hits, Gideon takes 16 bludgeoning and is grappled. Pinchy reaches around with the other claw and tries to pinch a bit off the wizard to eat. 20 hits for 13 more damage. Finding the flesh a bit solid, he tries to tenderise the dwarf with a little sting. 6 piercing and a CON save, on which he has Advantage because he’s a dwarf. He rolls 14, making the save, halving it, and his dwarven Constitution halves it again to five. Phew.

Melaina is up. She can have sneak attack damage, and hides so she can get Advantage as well. 22 to hide.

Duncan, OOC and laughing: “Wind up that damage machine, get it tickin’ over nice.”

19 to hit. Nat 1 on Sharpshooter damage, which is still somehow 22. Plus 11 piercing. She hits it squarely in the carapace, and hears an audible crack. Something yellow starts to ooze up out of the wound.

Usha, seeing what Ahleqs did, lets out a shriek of her own. She looks around for the assassin but can’t see anything. She hides behind the tent and tries again to locate the assassin, but doesn’t roll high enough.

Ardvack and Melaina see the merchant’s head appear from the tent. He can’t see the scorpion. Still they hear, “nopenopenopenope” and he ties the tent shut.

Ardvack can’t think of anything clever to do. “Um… … … Right.” Oooh! He will summon Admiral Pancakes! (His owl familiar.) The Admiral splits his movement between running and flying but it’s all low to the ground and all furious.

Ardvack hunkers down near the tent and the cart - no, he’s lying down. He’s prone. He’s as low as you can get and has 9 HP left. He chugs a potion.

Carl is next. Did Carl notice where the arrow came from? He rolled really bad Perception. He rolls Insight to see if he can remember. A five; he doesn’t remember. He gets up and goes for the scorpion but can’t reach it. Also, he doesn’t have a mace any more.

Tarragon Rages and runs up to attack Pinchy Recklessly, doing only nine damage. Her scream of rage becomes a little uncertain. She shakes her Shilleblglhlskfgghj’ed quarterstaff. “Come on!!”

Kessler would like to whale on the assassin. Is there a way to look for them? It would take her turn to Investigate, but they will be placed on the map if she finds them. She can point them out to us, in other words. She decides against that. Is she above the scorpion now that she's scrambled up the terrain? She would be, but it’s really big. Could she jump onto it?

She gets the classic reply: “… You can certainly try."

She rolls Acrobatics and gets a 17 - she makes it onto its back. She punches it with her Thunder Gauntlets. (The way the tokens are arranged, it looks as though the scorpion has Kessler’s head.)

24 to hit! and 6 Thunder damage. She goes for another attack. (We all start singing Thundercats, but now it’s Thundergoblin.) She throws in Fury of the Small as well, yelling “Yeehaa!” as she does so. It’s looking damaged now. Mina: “Excellent.”

It’s Popcorn’s turn - he runs up, sees the scorpion is bigger than he thought, slashes at it and misses, and runs away. No Opportunity attack, as Kessler and Tarragon are in melee with it.

The assassin makes some attacks against Melaina. The others see the token, briefly, but Tarragon and Popcorn are facing the wrong way. Melaina uses her Uncanny Dodge on the second attack - she did not see the first as it went into her back. She fails her CON save taking 8 piercing, 30 poison and 14 sneak attack - and she’s down. Not insta-dead but out. The second attack doesn’t come, because the assassin moves to hit Ardvack with it instead.

18 hits him. (It’s not fun when the other team have assassins.) He makes a quick Perception check as the sword plunges into his sternum - he sees pointy ears and greyish skin. A drow? 7 piercing and 24 poison. He makes the CON save regardless.

It slurs into his ear - “in the name of the Lady of Loss” as he slips into unconsciousness. If he survives he can make a History check on that. His dying cry is “Carl! Save them!”

Ahleqs’s turn. He heard a yelp from Melaina and another one from somewhere behind him. He gets a bit closer - but not too much closer - to try and find the assassin. He has Advantage but must roll above a 24 (the assassin’s stealth roll). He rolls a 19. Dammit! He sees Usha absolutely petrified, and both Melaina and Ardvack down and bleeding heavily in the flickering firelight.

Gideon is up - he’s still grappled. He can hit Pinchy with a spell but will likely hit Kessler as well - we decide Ed and Gideon would probably be fine with that. Sophie decides to do as the Grease Wizard would. With a cry of “Unhand me foul beast!”, he casts Grease on himself, and the DM lets him make an attempt to break free at advantage on the same turn. He rolls an 8. Oh well. He remains Greased and can try again next turn.

It’s Pinchy’s turn. He drops Gideon and has a go at grabbing the creature on its back and the creature menacing it from the ground. It goes for a sting attack against Kessler - 18 misses. 11 also misses, but 18 hits Tarragon, who is grappled but halves the bludgeoning damage to 7 because of her rage. Pinchy doesn’t like the thing on its back so it moves, forcing a DEX save from Kessler to remain in place. She passes the save, clinging on as it moves.

Melaina passes her first death save with a 13. She doesn’t use the Advantage granted by Tarragon’s meal, yet.

Usha moves to have another look for the assassin, but can’t find it.

Charity makes a death save - a nat 1 - two failures.

Matthew, sounding slightly panicky: “It’s okay, it’s okay! I’ve got this under control!”

He doesn’t have advantage because he didn’t eat the meal; me, OOC: “That’s what you get for being petty.”

Carl’s turn. Can he do mouth to mouth? He can, but it’s gross. You don’t want him to do it. Carl is furious; a lot of the things that have been going on of late have been leaving him out. He will hit the scorpion with punches. Pinchy McScorpingtons dodges Carl’s 17 to attack. That upsets Carl.

Tarragon doesn’t bother to try to break free but attacks from where she is - and misses. She still has no idea that Charity and Melaina are both down.

The hero of the realm, Admiral Pancakes, enters the fray. He has advantage on Perception checks, so he might be able to find the assassin…? He rolls a 9. Oh well.

It’s down to Kessler. “Save the day!” She has another go at cracking the carapace of the scorpion open with her Thunder Gauntlets. “Put down the crazed druid!” 26 hits for 7 Thunder damage, and she goes for another one. 22 and 12 Thunder damage. It’s very damaged - she gets yellow gunk as splash back. “This is nothing; I’ve seen Gideon.”

Popcorn runs up and slashes it with his claws - he hits for 7 damage. It doesn’t die, so he backs off again. Carl pats him on the head.

The assassin makes another attack - against Usha, and 16 hits. He reveals himself, and Ahleqs sees him. Usha takes 7 piercing and 31 poison - it’s not quite an insta-death, but only by the skin of her knickers. She shrieks and drops like a sack of shit.

What’s Ahleqs’s Passive Perception? 13. The assassin rolls a 16 and is hidden again. But Ahleqs only needs to beat a 16 to spot him, and it’s his turn. He sees Charity on the ground with red bubbles coming out of his mouth. It’s probably not cherry hubba bubba, he decides. He kneels down next to him and administers his only healing potion. Charity regains consciousness, and 8 HP. He feels a bit less dead. Ahleqs: “Help!” He runs back; that’s all he’s got. Charity thanks him, bubbles of blood running down his chin.

Gideon is still heavily Greased, but has been dropped so he is free. He shoots a Scorching Ray at the scorpion, hoping he will miss Kessler as the spell has one target. He must roll for each Ray. Sophie, OOC: "So two on the scorpion and one on Kessler, yeah?"

Gideon shouts “Don’t worry, I’ll save you, goblin!” He does 7 fire damage. “You got in the way, goblin!” One of his attacks is a natural 1 so he rolls on the crit magic fail table. Where did that come from? If this attack deals cold, fire, force, lightning or thunder damage; an elemental (chosen by the DM) appears within 60 feet of you. It is hostile to all creatures. Joe picks water, as we’re next to a lake.

Greeeeeaaaaaat.

We need David Hasselhoff for this. Or Zoidberg…?

Joe has Sophie roll a d4, and whatever she rolls is however many rounds the elemental remains for. She rolls a 3. Well…

It’s Pinchy’s turn. Gideon was past his best, and Pinchy is still snackish. It makes a sting attack against Carl - 16 to hit. Well his AC is 9, so… yes? But he is immune to poison, so he only takes 8 piercing damage. It rakes a claw against Kessler and misses. It tightens its other claw around Tarragon - 22 definitely hits. 16 bludgeoning, which she halves to 8.

Melaina makes another death save - and rolls 17. Matthew: “If you roll a 20 you can come back with - ” Sophie, OOC, voice full of hope: “Super powers?” Matthew: “… One hit point.”

Admiral Pancakes perches on Gideon’s shoulder, and hoots aggressively into his face, but can’t do anything this turn.

Usha makes a death save.

It’s Charity’s turn - he wants to know who’s worse off out of Melaina and Usha, without giving away how alive he himself is, in case the assassin is watching. Sadly Ahleqs screamed aloud what he was doing as he fed Charity the potion, asking consent to do so. (Duncan makes a Henry Crabgrass reference; only I laugh.)

Charity carefully heals Melaina, flinching back from any retaliatory punches that might fly his way. He learned his lesson in the bar fight. He slams a potion and hunkers down again.

Carl does a punch. He punches. Or does he? No - Brother Carl disengages from the scorpion, and makes his way somewhere behind Tarragon so I don’t see where. He holds an attack in case the assassin shows up, at which point he will go full zombie and pull their face all the way off.

Tarragon hits again for 19 bludgeoning damage. “‘Ave that, you scaly fucker.” It’s still not dead! “How???”

As a free action, Joe has Kessler make a Perception check. She rolls an 8. Oh well. She wants this thing to die, so she aims another punch at the soft jelly bit inside where she cracked the carapace last round.

She rolls two nat 1s. Butterfingers. You lose your grip mid-swing and your weapon goes flying 1d4+1x5ft away in the direction of your target. She has gauntlets which can’t really come off so Joe rules that they malfunction. It doesn’t do any Thunder damage for the next round, it becomes bludgeoning instead. She does 6 damage; it’s haggard as all hell, but still up.

It’s Popcorn’s turn - he runs up to the elemental and slashes it with his claws. Not knowing he shouldn’t, he backs up and it takes an attack of opportunity against him - but it misses. He notices that his claws didn’t do as much damage as they should…

And we’ve still got an assassin that no-one’s fuckin’ touched. Speaking of - it attacks Tarragon and hits. She makes the CON save and halves the poison, and she’s raging so she halves the sneak and piercing damage as well. 21 total, bringing her down to 26 total HP.

It’s Ahleqs’ turn. He, being a character that is not optimised, casts Shatter on the elemental. Or he could Banish it, if he can come up with an item that is distasteful to it? Is there anything absorbent nearby, cotton or fleece - or a rag. Yeah! It fails the save and is Banished.

Grease Wizard is up. What’s he going to do… He does a Scorching Ray on the scorpion - all three hit, yay! He does 24 damage - How de do dis! Sophie: “He falls apart into a sort of flurry of little bits and bits of shell and Kessler ends up in the middle of it all stinky, wearing a little shell as a crown.”

We all make perception checks - All of us but Carl and Kessler hear a snarling in elvish (drow, specifically) which is mostly expletives. Those that can see, see a flash of darkness, like the opposite of a flash of light, for a moment and then gone. It looked to be a kind of magic, but the magic users don’t sense any disturbance in the Weave.

Ahleqs: “Was it like ‘ah, fuck it!’ *explosion*?” He rolls 18 Arcana. It was cursing us for murdering its pet. Ahleqs thinks it was a spell, but there was no associated disturbance. The assassin seems to have retreated, however.

Charity heals Usha; she is incredibly grateful. The merchant emerges from the tent. Kessler loots the scorpion, finding a couple of platinum pieces. Tarragon rolls 12 Perception - she sees a marking on the back of the scorpion’s head. She wipes away some goo and makes a Religion check.

It is a black sigil inside a purple ring - an emblem of Shar. Uh oh… Charity makes a Religion check as well, remembering what the assassin said to him (“In the name of the lady of loss”) but rolls a nat 1 for 2 total. He mutters out loud about it, but doesn’t make the connection. Kessler and Ahleqs roll good religion checks. Ahleqs, hearing Charity’s words, is terrified. That was a reference to Shar.

Joe wraps up there as it’s getting late. Before we finish though, we continue another four days travel and catch our first glimpse of Candlekeep…

Matthew will hopefully pick up next week with his new campaign! It bothers Mina greatly that he doesn’t want us to roll our own stats; this likely an intentional effect.

[intellijuice]

Malfixation

A malicious fixation on a person animal or object that damages the relationship with that particular person, animal or object.

What started as a quick jot down so I would not forget the details of a regular life lesson that I repetitively fail at spawned a poem writing sesh with no food substance or breaks par a few sips of water 👍 at which point I could not remember what started the whole thing which is generally a good cue to break. Time flys when your cheating doves hey? (If you don't get that ask me it will be on the tip of your tongue I swear)

Often I am afraid to address some of the themes inside my poems that concern and investigate the war on drugs. The war on drugs is the worlds longest global conflict and the most deadly conflict of the 21st century and it continues everyday across the globe with no cease fire on a battlefield where the lines between chemistry and humanity are blurred and the victims and enemies share the same title. No matter who you are if you live on planet earth the war on drugs affects you either through psychological or physical addiction and dependancy based issues that have a wide reaching effect across the entire spectrum of society or because our most trusted public and private health providers are in oblivious to the notion that they might not only be ripping us off... but they could also be slowly killing us while we pay for the luxery. I am not an advocate for drugs but i am an advocate for harm minimisation and education. I have seen and experienced an overwhelming amount if pain caused not just these substances but the restrictions and poor regulation that has proven itself as ineffective and causing greater harm while ignoring the deeper issues that connect this problem to the rest of the problems the world faces this very instant. And so I am further inspired to continue my journey to stable sobriety and allow these experiences to serve as lessons to help others on their journey as well.

Right now we have this raw as fuck piece and I have to let it go for at least a day otherwise I might go insane perfecting this bad boy (im going to take some time with this one) So enjoy it in its raw infancy (i honestly cant stand it) before I cull the cheesy bits leaving only the finest mature vintage cheese for your ears to enjoy (that is also an original line and i am claiming it if no one else has). That and the flow needs heaps of tuning because it pops once it gets going and i want it to roll the whole way through but i keep making small edits and yeh I need that break haha. I really like where this is heading but maybe I am just giddy to have some words coming back into my life after and during a time of darkness. I was worried a part of myself was about to be lost and its a great relief to have that feeling come back strong.

And to my close friend and favourite fan who knows who they are. Please also know that I am very sorry and I miss you dearly. I hope you enjoy this poem in progress

Drug malfixiation creates a paradoxical relationship with the truth

Unfortunately the law doesn't always reflect the truth

Some lawful truths are built on a foundation of criminal misunderstandings

And some truths are so wrong they can not possibly be right

So what happens to people when their relationship with a particular truth threatens to expose them in an unforgiving world

How can we accept the phantom of an honest life while we are lead by the faults of our misgivings towards dishonoured hand shakes

Sculpting delusions to sleep inside these delusions we sculpted somewhere out of touch

As we press each other for so much for truth we fall under our weight of of our chests as they break

Forgotten is a beauty found entangled in the pearling of white lies and honest tests of faith

Blackened with protection and providing for redemption covered up with labels for conceptions

A journey started early will find no comfort if its late

Feeding rot stained paint into finite graves and turning powder into cakes

Left to learn from our mistakes and find safety in misdirection

Spinning up he stories told to find the pride we lost in honour and rejection

We find so much fault in failing because we succeed so much at decaying

We created extremes so separated we rarely see the child inside the adult or the human inside the crime

Following poisoned code written by the rot of skeletons who found taste in twisting adolescent minds

Who paid more for the gifts and curses of flesh and bone then keeping the words they scribbled on notes

Leaving the bitter taste of sitting on a throne when we gave up a priceless stream for the price of dams and because sometimes we only listen to what we think know

Strangling mountains for throw away vouchers to a life built by choices we mistook for power

Giving gifts to ill made saints we cry for pity and shed no tears for

Without proper education or dignified incentive

With little sense and heavy dollars

We are rewarded for chocking oceans

From a lifestyle that leaves a trail of orphans

Brought economy is a game that turns men into mouses and women into closets

People do drugs

To swim in the feelings that where stolen

In ways that make my heart sing

In ways that make mt heart weep

And in ways that make my heart bleed

Amplified by a scale so large we can no longer read the details that we need

Stolen by the wants we did not breed

The birthing if our choices is a fantasy that must fail to be conceived

Detailed by the extent of deceit and decency

And met by the breadth of charity when life mistakes our curse for our misery

To make cures we have to balance the toxicity

From the greed that burns through knowledge and turns suffering to mystery

So we cannot see

Only we could

Speak the ghost that haunts truths we lay for paths to foiled treachery

And fly without the boats we sail in births with ideal tendencies

Blind to brittle brutes who fight for empty souls

Masked by fractured glass we are freed by misplaced fools and fractured entities

The carless tracks we paint behind we hope might haunt they who gave more truth to pennies

While we drown in lost gold turning fire into frozen electricity

Atoms into farms and symbols into tools for blood tied by rope dripped in kerosene

Leaving scars on mastered tempered brass so large our warmth lost the moment we let the cold in

Shivering in denial when the mind drys up from being buried by a breaths so heavy it turns the tide

Where matter matters most is when it can be a ladder that we can climb

Before we forget we forgot how to die

[sds-descendants]

Chapter One: A Beginning to an End

I know I haven’t finished all the drawings yet, but I really wanted to add their stories! I hope you all like it. If any of you would like to be tagged for updates, just let me know.

Also, I would really appreciate some feedback. It’s not necessary, I would just like to give you all the best I can.

Thank you!

-Luna

~~~

In life, everything has to come to an end, but there is no need to worry. Though something has ended, a new beginning will arise. This story begins with a girl - a girl who will end, just as soon as she begins her start.

The girl was Arabella Ortiz, a human at the age of twenty, woke up in her bed by her cat smacking her face. She scrunched up her face and groaned in protest, pushing her cat away. She pushes herself up in her bed and sits there, staring down at her patterned blanket, mentally preparing herself for the day. She furrowed her eyebrows as her cat came back into view. Oh, yeah, her cat… she had almost forgotten about him. It had been a year. 

Her eyes widened and she reached for her phone, turning it on to see the date. March 24… Her eyes lingered on the year. It hadn’t changed… but she had stayed for a year.

She remembers returning from the Devildom, but was completely confused on how little time had passed. Everything was the same. Her cat was okay and everything was the same in her apartment that she didn’t lose - the two things she cared about in the moment. Her time spent down in the Devildom felt like a dream. Did she truly experience everything or was it just a dream?

If it was a dream, it was clear. Clear enough to be a story. Arabella clasps her hands together and hops out of her bed to grab her journals to work again. Her manager was going to love this. Maybe it could be her final break. She quickly began to work on the story before any small detail could fade. 

She was quick to make small notes on everybody’s character from her own experience:

Lucifer; stressed out “father” of the group

Mammon; will do anything for a dollar grimm.

Leviathan; very shy at first, but opened up the longer she stayed. Games 24/7

Satan; seems like the only rational one around. He’s either reading or tearing apart a room, no inbetween.

Asmodeus; very flirtatious and narcissistic.

Beelzebub; intimidating at first sight, but is very kind. Is always hungry.

Belphegor; a bit snarky, didn’t exactly like him at first. Will fall asleep anywhere.

She began to think of all her interactions of these odd characters and giggled to herself as she began to spread out everything for her work area.

---

It had been eight days since Arabella started her manuscript. She had been writing out all her ideas, phrasing, and plot points for the book. It was a small dent, but it was better than what she had before - nothing. Her stomach rumbled loudly and she shook her head, ignoring it. She continued to write down everything she could. Her stomach rumbled again, but this time, it was painful. She placed her hand on her stomach and sighed. She didn’t want to eat, she was so close to finishing, but her body was against this idea. The only time she had gotten up was to either feed her cat, get some water, or to clean herself up in the bathroom. She sighs again and forces herself up to leave her room.

She enters her kitchen and skims through what she had. She caught a small pizza box on one of the shelves in her fridge. With a quick once-over, she deemed it as edible.

It started out normal. Heating up the pizza leftovers that she was grateful to still have.

Then, some mac-and-cheese.

A sandwich.

A pudding cup.

...Then it became strange when she began to mix things up she would usually consider as gross. Pickles and ice cream, hot dogs with whipped cream as a dipping, even making a peanut butter and mayo sandwich. Any other time, she would gag, maybe vomit, at the combination, but she ate them like they were the best things she’s ever eaten. She just needed something to fill her up, anything. Whether it was good for her or not, she shoved it down her throat.

She just couldn’t stop. She was hungry, starving. No matter how much she ate, it felt exactly like how she started.

Was… was this how Beelzebub felt? Every day, just being hit with a hunger that couldn’t be satisfied. It was painful. She really felt bad for him now. Her jaw began to ache and she just wished for once that her stomach would ache as well.

It didn’t take long for her fridge and cabinets to be cleaned out. She sat on her tiled floor, finally feeling her stomach ache with fullness, staring at the now empty fridge. She couldn’t wrap her mind around how she was able to do that. She groaned and leaned her head back, letting it hit against the cabinet.

---

Arabella stared with wide eyes at the five pregnancy tests that sat on her bathroom counter. They were all marked positive. She had been throwing up and gaining extra weight within the last month. The thought of being pregnant had crossed her mind and she only took the tests for shits and giggles, but for them to actually be positive… She didn’t understand it.

She shook her head and rubbed her face. No way. There was no way! How long was it since she had sex? Three years? Why was she suddenly pregnant? Arabella truly didn’t understand it.

Her phone began to ring loudly and she snapped out of her thoughts. She left the bathroom to go to her bedroom. She quickly grabbed her phone from on top of her bed and grimaced at the name of her manager. She sighed before answering with a meek, “Hello?”

“Ortiz, where have you been?”

“I’ve been working. And I know what you’re going to say. I already have a manuscript for you. I just need to edit a few things and it should be in your email by the end of the day.”

“Finally! You know, I almost gave up on you,” he told her with a laugh.

She rolls her eyes. “Good to know. Bye, David.” She quickly hung up the phone before he could respond.

She sighed as she grabbed her laptop. After fixing up everything she deemed necessary, she quickly typed up an email for her manager and added on her story of the Devildom. She moved her mouse over the send button and left it to hover. She stared at the email, at the attachment.

Something inside of her was telling her not to do this. It just felt… wrong. Wrong to expose the world like this. Arabella shook her head. No, that’s stupid. The Devildom isn’t real, this is just a book.

...or was it actually real?

No. She was just being dumb. She moved to click on the button.

She moved the mouse towards the file. She deleted the attachment and decided to send her manager an entirely different piece of work - one she had given up on. It was better than nothing.

She had given in to her own paranoid thoughts.

And why she couldn’t bring herself to do it, she’ll never know.

---

Now, Arabella knew her pregnancy was not normal. The baby she was carrying was developing way too fast, even her doctor noted that exact same thing. The doctor predicted that she would be due by the fourth month if the baby, or he, continued to develop as quickly as he was. She was eager to learn that she would have a boy, not as eager that he would come out way earlier than expected.

Though everything about this pregnancy was strange, Arabella felt cheerful to have started a family of her own. It would just be the two of them, but she didn’t care. She hummed to herself as she continued her walk home, which wasn’t too far from the office. What should she name him? Michael? Fabian? Who knows?

She saw her apartment complex come into view and began to speed up her pace, though, it wasn’t much. She made her way through the complex, feeling grateful for her past self for agreeing on an apartment that was closer to the front. 

After finding her home, she unlocked the door and made her way in, dropping her things onto her door side table. She worked her way towards her living room and looked around to find her cat before they could spook her, but she froze.

She noticed two dark figures sitting on her couch, petting her cat that sat in between them. She began to shake in fear, with only negative thoughts in her mind. This was not how she wanted to die. 

She heard a low chuckle come from one of the two and saw them slowly stand with their arms up to show that they weren’t holding anything dangerous. “It’s alright, Arabella. We mean no harm.”

She began to palm the living room wall to find the light, keeping her eyes on the intruders in front of her. She froze up once more upon actually seeing who it was. She recognized the two men as Diavolo and Barbatos. Two demons that she had met in her dream. Or was it even a dream at all? Arabella placed a hand on her forehead, mumbling incoherent words to herself.

Barbatos, lowered his arms and quickly made his way to her to help her find a seat. “Don’t stress too much,” he whispered.

“Y-you’re Diavolo and… and Barbatos.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I thought it was a dream,” she muttered.  “But you’re here,” she began to poke his face, trying to see if he was truly before her. “And you’re real. That means…” She felt her cheeks become warm. “Everything we’ve done…” She shook her head and looked up at Diavolo from where she sat. “W-what are you doing here?”

A look of grief flashed across the larger demon’s face. “We’ve come to talk to you.”

“About what?”

His eyes flickered down to her stomach for a fleeting moment. “Your child.” At the mention of him, Arabella placed her hands protectively on her stomach. “What about him?”

He brightened. “A boy? Oh, how exciting is that. Isn’t it, Barbatos?”

“Yes, My Lord.”

“Diavolo, what do you want with my child?” She asked him sternly. His smile faded. He had a far off look in his eyes as he laughed dryly. “For the year I’ve known you, it’s definitely not surprising that you’re this straight forward.” He sighs before pulling a seat for himself to sit in front of her. He clasps his hands together and leans towards her slightly. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that this pregnancy is far from normal.” 

She nods. “Yes, I was told that he’s due in two months.”

“He is no ordinary child, Arabella. He’s meant to be a child of a demon.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“I’ve done some research on you and your child. I believe the father is…” He paused and looked at the demon beside him. “Oh, who is the father, Barbatos?”

“Beelzebub,” He answered with no hesitation.

“Oh, yes, yes. The father is Beelzebub. I’m sure you remember him.” She didn’t answer him, just had the same look of shock. Beelzebub? But how? “Arabella, I need you to listen to me carefully.” She looks at him with furrowed eyebrows. His expression softens and he gently cups her cheek with his hand. “My, my, you’re just absolutely glowing with beauty.”

“Diavolo,” she snapped at him.

He becomes saddened. “You need to get rid of it.”

It took her a second to register what he said. “Excuse me?” She screeched at him. “I am not getting rid of him!”

“You don’t understand. You and your sister coming to our world was a test my father let me do. After what happened with you two, he’s convinced that demons, humans, and angels shouldn’t be connected in any way. If he finds out that you’re carrying-”

“I don’t give a shit what your father thinks!”

“Arabella, please-”

“I refuse to give him up. I thought you cared about the relationship between the three realms.”

“I do, I do, but he hasn’t let go of the throne yet. If it were my decision, I wouldn’t be forcing you to do this.” He carefully places his hand on her lower stomach. “I’ll make it as painless as possible.”

Arabella felt a cold dread run through her body and she began to try to push his hand away. “Stop! Stop it, Diavolo!” She began to kick at his legs, scratch at his arms, anything to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t budge. He kept his eyes lowered and had a frown on his face. “Diavolo, please,” She began to beg as tears welled up in her eyes. She was about to lose her child. This thought began to make her cry harder. “Please, don’t hurt him! Don’t hurt Basil!”

He noticeably tenses up and looks at Arabella with wide eyes. He slowly pulls his hand away, keeping his gaze fixed on the human girl in front of him. She quickly covered her stomach and continued to slowly push herself away from him with her feet. “She gave him a name.” He looks at Barbatos. “He already has a name.”

Barbatos nods. “It seems to be that way, My Lord.”

Diavolo looks back at her. “Arabella-”

“Get out.” Diavolo isn’t shocked. Not even angry. He slowly gets up and places the seat back to its original spot. He turns back to her and she notices a pained look in his eyes. “I’m so-”

“Get. Out.”

Arabella blinked and the two demons were gone. She gave a sigh of relief and leaned back in her seat. She gently carressed her stomach, feeling much better knowing that he was safe. She thought about what she said earlier. Basil. There was no second thought about that name. It just… came out. She smiled to herself. “I’ll always keep you safe, Basil. Always.”

---

“Oh, Basil, my beautiful boy.” Arabella cooed at her son. She peppered gentle kisses on his forehead. “I love you… I love you so much.” Basil began to fuss and Arabella immediately knew what was bothering him; he was after all Beelzebub’s son. She hushed him as she adjusted herself to feed him once again, ignoring the slight pain she was already gaining. As he began to feed once again, she whispered to him. “You’re gonna be the kindest boy,” she giggles to herself. “Your father is also very kind. Handsome too. I wonder who you’ll grow to be more like… Will it be him or me?” She gently caressed his cheek. “I hope it’s your father.”

There was a gentle knock at the door before a nurse came in with a smile. “How are we doing, mom?”

Arabella beams. “Very good. He’s such a good boy, I’m really happy.”

“That’s wonderful.” The nurse peeks at Basil and giggles. “Oh, he’s quite a hungry boy.”

She laughs at the nurse’s comment. “Oh, you don’t even know.”

The nurse looked confused for a moment before collecting herself. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that you have some guests. I didn’t want to just send them in without telling you first.”

She looked away in thought. Who could it be? Her sister was dead, her mom gave up on her, and she hasn’t spoken to her father in years. She was curious. She looked back at the nurse. “What are their names?”

The nurse looked to the side in thought. “It’s two men with strange names - Diavolo and Barbatos. I think they're foreign."

Arabella clenched her jaw and forced a smile. "Yes, I know them. They can come in."

The nurse nods before checking that Arabella and the baby were good, with both vitals and necessities, and left the room. Arabella leans back carefully, mentally preparing herself for whatever was to come. 

She heard the door open and a pair of footsteps making their way inside. She watched as the two familiar men walked into her room.

“Arabella, look at you! Already a natural mother.” She glared at Diavolo who was now shifting on his feet at her silence. He lifted up his hands to reveal a bouquet of flowers  “I found these flowers for you. They’re native to the Devildom and I thought you would like them.” The bouquet of flowers he held were black with hints of fuschia. Arabella didn’t want to admit it to him, but she did like them. “I only want to apologize for last time.” She pulled her eyes away from the flowers to look at him. “I was hoping to maybe... compromise?”

Arabella furrowed her eyebrows and scoffed at him. “Compromise?” She hissed at him.

Diavolo’s eyes moved from her face, down to where she was feeding. A large smile bloomed across his face and he gently placed the flower on top of the overbed table in front of Arabella. “May I… hold him?”

She only narrowed her eyes and held Basil closer, giving Diavolo a silent refusal.

He flexed his fingers and slowly placed his hand on the edge of the bed, careful to not touch her. “Please. I won’t hurt him, you have my word.” Arabella looked away from the two. 

“I don’t want to compromise or whatever it is you want. I only let you in here to tell you to leave me and my son alone. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, Diavolo.” She looked away from the two.

His eyes widened a bit and he pulled his hand away. He forced a smile and crossed his arms. “Ah. I understand. Barbatos and I shall take our leave, then. Take care.”

It was now silent, aside from Basil noisily eating. 

Arabella released a large breath and looked back to where the two demons once stood. They were gone. She looked down at her still feeding baby and gently caressed his cheek with her thumb. She moved her eyes to the flowers on the table and she glared at them. She knew that this wasn’t over. Whatever Diavolo wanted, she knew he would get.

[irphanfic]

for the drabbles 51

It took a bit of time but here it is!

51. Hand over the cheese grater, orelse.

Philwas having a relaxed Wednesday. He woke up warm, still bundled up onhis duvet, had his mug of coffee along with a bowl of his favourite(well, Dan’s) cereal for breakfast and spent the last two hoursediting their newest gaming video which was turning out better thanexpected.

Sometimein the middle of his intense editing session he felt a hand on hisshoulder, making him jump from his seat before noticing it was Danwho was behind him. Who else could have been?

“Dan!You scared me!” Phil almost shouted, lowering his headphones to hisneck.

Danlaughed as he left a tall glass full of water next to him and leaneddown to give him a sweet forehead kiss, “How is editing going?” Danasked as he sat down on the chair next to the blue eyed.

“Good,I might finish this now and we can enjoy our afternoon outside if youwant.” Phil said, offering his boyfriend a smile, unsticking hisfingers from the mouse and keyboard for a moment.

“Yeah,I would like that,” Dan said, eyes glued to the screen where hechecked the time, “It’s almost 1 pm, I was thinking of making somepasta, you wanna help making a sauce or something?”

Philnodded. He loved cooking along with Dan, they made a pretty good teamalso in the kitchen, “Sure, let me finish this bit and I’ll be downto help you in a bit,” he pecked Dan on his rosy cheek, who offeredhim a smile before leaving the room, leaving Phil alone with thecomputer.

Afterclicking, dragging and adding a few more bits to what would be thefinal cut, Phil streched and left the computer to render the video ashe made his way to the kitchen, where Dan was taking out a fewutensils from the cupboards.

“Youfinished?” Dan asked as he filled up a pot with water.

“Yes!It’s exporting so I can start my super delicious pesto sauce, what doyou say? Do we even have basil?” Phil opened the fridge and foundthe vegetable he was looking for. He was being pretty lucky today.  

Philenjoyed Dan’s almost quiet humming as he stirred the spaguetti whenhe heard a squeak.

“Dan?Was that you?” Phil asked, a frown appearing on his face.

“Thehumming? Yeah, it was me, why? I can stop if it bothers you,” Dansaid, frowning also. He didn’t realize it was that annoying.

“No,no, your humming is good. I meant a squeak. I heard a squeak and Ithought it was you,” Phil said.

“Asqueak? Are you sure Phil? I’m sure I would have heard it too,” Danlooked at him, a confused expression on his face.

“Nevermind,it must have been accidental or somehting.” Phil mumbled, picking uphis knife and started cutting some of the basil, leaving the ‘squeakincident’ aside.

Theycontinued their tasks when Phil heard another squeak. Okay, this timeit wasn’t accidental, but he was sure if he asked Dan again he wouldlikely think he had gone mad or somehting.

Philtried to ignore it, but it was starting to sound more repeatedly. Whydidn’t Dan hear it? Could he investigate where it was coming fromwithout Dan suspecting anything?

Hewaited till he heard the noise once again, and it seemed to comefrom… the fridge? Had they left another soda can open which wasletting it’s fizz out?

Philwalked to the fridge, knowing Dan wouldn’t suspect anything andopened it, searching for a soda can but couldn’t find any. Oh, so itwasn’t a bubbly drink making the annoying noise, it had to besoemthing else.

A bitconfused, Phil closed the fridge door when once again the squeakreached his ears. This couldn’t be.Was he really going mad?

Hewaited till it sounded again and realized it was coming from behindthe fridge! Was something wrong with it? He hoped it wasn’t broken.

Philcrouched and looked behind it, only to find that a tiny mouse wastrapped in there! Oh no, poor mouse. He needed to rescue it. Itseemed disorientated as if he had touched some electric wire…

Howcould he help the little animal out without harming it? He didn’ttrust himself to move the fridge without harming himself and themouse in the process.

Couldhe lure the mouse out with some cheese? Maybe he could put some of itin his hand and the mouse could walk in there so Phil could leave himoutside or they could leave a trail of cheese to it to followoutside. Yeah, any of those ideas were good.

Philopened the fridge and, with a bit of disgust, he picked up the pieceof cheese Dan had saved in there, realizing it was to big to try tofeed the mouse. He would need to cut it somehow.

Phillooked at Dan, whose back was facing him since he seemed concentratedin his task of not burning pasta.

“Dan…hand over the cheese grater, or else.” Phil asked, ‘or else’ meaninga knife or even some scissors.

“What?Why? The pesto sauce doesn’t even have cheese! And also, have youforgotten the fact that you don’t even like cheese? Is this like thebanana thing that happened to you and you suddenly like cheese?” Danrambled, still stirring the pasta, oblivious to what was happening,not even bothering to turn around. 

“No!”Phil said a bit louder, grabbing his boyfriend’s attention, whoturned around to look at him, squating down by teh firdge with a bigpiece of cheese on his hand. Now for sure he looked insane.

“Whatthe hell are you doing?” Dan said, turning off the stove as if heknew the explanation would take a moment.

“Ifound where the squeak I heard earlier was coming from. There is atiny mouse behind the fridge and it seems a bit disorientated, Iwanted to feed him a bit of cheese but the piece is too big, that’swhy asked for a cheese grater or somehting,” Phil said, explainingeverything.

Heheard Dan’s “oh” from where he was standing, moving around thekitchen, finally finding the cheese grater Phil had been asking for.

“Here,”Dan crouched down next to Phil and showed him the chees grater,holding it inn place as the blue eyed proceeded to grate the bigpiece of cheese that was starting to fall in small almost crumb-likepieces on his hand.

OncePhil had managed to get a fair amount of cheese on the palm of hishand, he handed the big piece back to Dan and held the mini-mountainof cheese near to where the mouse was trapped, who instantly seemedmore awake with the ‘cheesy’ smell that was starting to reach hislittle nose, moving it up and down in a fast and repeated movement.

Danand Phil stared expectantly at the mouse, which was slowly making hisway to Phil’s hand, finally taking a small jump towards it andinstantly nibbling the cheese.

Philput his other hand over it, trapping it safely so it didn’t jump fromthere and at the same time trying not to crush it, “Fast Dan! Go andopen the front door!”

Bothof them stood up quickly and Dan did as he was told, opened theirmain door and observed as Phil crouched down once again, putting hishands near the pavement and waving goodbye to the small mouse, “ByeTimothy! Hope you reunite with your mice family soon!”

Danchuckled at his adorable boyfriend. Of course Phil would have alreadynamed the tiny animal and wished him a good way back to his home.

“Timothy?I though Remy was a more appropiate name, I mean, Ratatouille was apretty good movie and he was in our kitchen after all, I’m sure hecould have been a good chef,” Dan commented as he closed the maindoor staring at Phil slowly come back up.

“Ugh,Remy, that was it! How could I forget about Ratatouille!” Philexclaimed, “I’m sure he could have helped you don’t burn the pastaafter all.” Phil chuckled at Dan, who tried to catch him on his wayto the bathroom but the door closed and locked just right by hisnose.

“Youwill pay for that remark, Lester!”

“Youwish, Howell. You wish!”  

prompt me a number!

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 1-7

DAY ONE

8:30 AM - I wake up, get ready for work and weigh myself. I have lost 5 pounds over the past few weeks by basically eating salad. I want to continue this or at least sustain it so my weight doesn’t rise above 140. I’m at 141.2! Only a little more to go. I grab a smashed loaf of Dave’s Killer Bread (a case of water fell on top of it while I was transporting it back from Costco) and head to the office.

9:04 AM - I arrive at work feeling awake and ready to start the day. I toast a slice of bread and slather on some Earth Balance and pour myself some toddy from my stash in the fridge. I recently bought all the supplies I need to make GREAT coffee - hot or iced in the office and have been saving a lot of money doing so, plus it’s fun!

12:15 PM - My colleague wants to go to Sprouts. I tell her I want to go the long way and she asks “What’s that?,” so I show her. I need a couple ingredients to complete my salad stash back in the office so I grab some quinoa and sliced onion from the cold bar and then an avocado and a bunch of kale. $3.82

12:40 PM - I sit down for lunch which includes all the ingredients I bought from Sprouts plus cucumber, grape tomatoes, and Daiya ranch dressing. I am at the end of the bottle, so I get a little more dressing than I usually let myself have.

4:15 PM - I have a couple bites of the cake batter / cookie dough Nada Moo ice cream I bought last week from Sprouts. Bought for the cake batter part, and seem to be only getting cookie dough with this layer. Kind of bummed. It goes back in the freezer.

5:30 PM - I arrive at home and let the dog (Katy Perry) out. She ends up curled on my lap, but I have to crate her again at 6:15 to meet my friend Connor at Crescent Ballroom downtown for our weekly catch-up sesh.

6:45 PM - Connor is always late, but my boyfriend is also working at Crescent tonight. He keeps me company until Connor comes. I treat us to guac and order a bean and rice burrito. Server hooks up the friends & family discount (20% off). I always let that saved cash flow right back into the server’s pocket. $18.16

9:30 PM - I finally arrive home from Crescent. I’m pretty sure my dog hates me, so I take her for a 45 minute walk around my neighborhood.

11:30 PM - I pick up my Kindle to start a new story in America’s Best Short Stories 2016 and am asleep by the second page.

11:45 PM - Boyfriend is done working. He calls and says he’ll be home soon, but he also wakes me up. It takes a little while to fall back asleep.

DAY ONE TOTAL: $21.98

DAY TWO

9:00 AM - I arrive at work and make myself a piece of toast with Earth Balance, and a cup of iced coffee. I decide maybe after 10 years of drinking nothing but black coffee, that it might be time for me to start adding cream, so I make a mental note to grab some non-dairy creamer when I hit up Sprouts for lunch.

10:30 AM - I see a link in my news feed for a woman I used to work with who made a Go Fund Me to get some lab tests done for a serious disease that her insurance won’t cover. I chip in and help out. $30

12:00 PM - I walk the long way to Sprouts and catch some Pokemon on the way. I like playing during my lunch breaks and sometimes when I walk Katy. I buy a bunch of kale and some quinoa and onion from the salad bar to complete my salad ingredients back at the office. I also grab a tub of hummus and a new salad dressing to try (Fat-Free Coconut Mango) and of course, the coffee creamer. $11.41

12:45 PM - This salad dressing and hummus is a bust. Why do I always try new things? The salad dressing is totally weird and the hummus tastes like there is cheese in it. What the hell, Sprouts?

4:30 PM - Boyfriend and I are both already hungry so we ping each other about what we’re gonna eat for dinner. We decide on ramen. I’ve been obsessively cooking it for the past week and he has yet to participate. He also asks if his brother and his girlfriend can come over and watch the Coyotes game. Of course! I always love having company/hanging out with friends, and since my boyfriend’s work schedule takes a lot out of him, I’m always excited when he feels up for extra socializing.

5:00 PM - I walk to Sprouts (short way this time) and pick up some green onion and roasted seaweed to complete the ramen. $1.72

5:30 PM - I arrive home and I’m definitely feeling weird. I’ve been drinking tons of water but sometimes my sugar salt balances get off because I’m not a big fruit / sugar person. I open up a baby Gatorade and pound it. 20 minutes later, I’m feeling back to normal.

6:10 PM - Dinner is served. Boyfriend loves it. He wants to have it more often which is a big win for me since it’s super cheap to make and pretty nutritious minus the sodium.

6:30 PM - Kyle’s brother and his girlfriend come over. We watch the game and hang out with the dog who was actually half okay. I give her a 7/10 for the night which is very encouraging!

8:30 PM - Coyotes lost, our guests leave and it’s just the two of us. We go to the bedroom for a little bit and I start reading the short story from ABSS 2016 that I fell asleep during last night after watching an episode of Seinfeld. It turns out to be a page turner which rules because I feel like a lot of the entire series is hit and miss.

11:00 PM - Back to the bedroom. Still reading the story (I am a very very slow reader) but I’m mega tired, so I decide to leave the ending for another day.

11:30 PM - Zzzz

DAY TWO TOTAL: $43.13

DAY THREE

8:45 AM - I grab a baby Gatorade on my way out the door. There’s no point in starting the day off feeling like poo.

9:10 AM - I arrive at work and pour myself some iced coffee and add some non-dairy cream. Now my coffee just tastes like a watered down latte and it weirds me out. This may take some getting used to. I skip making breakfast because our office cleaning lady is here and I don’t want to fuck up her groove.

11:30 AM - My mouse keeps dying so I opt to leave it on the charging dock and grab lunch with my colleagues. It takes us forever to pick a place, but we end up at a brunchy joint in Old Town Scottsdale called Daily Dose. I get their veggie burger with polenta tots which are a new menu item so I had to try it. I am excited to find that the tots portion is pretty wimpy because I’m still trying to eat “better.” $13.30

6:30 PM - I moderate a local vegan group on Facebook and one of the other mods wanted a Facebook ads tutorial. He buys my dinner -- a salad with BBQ mock chicken, tortilla strips, and vegan ranch dressing and pays me $40 for my services at homie hookup price.

9:15 PM - Home with the boyfriend. I am anxious to finish that story and he wants to mess around with his iPad, so we quietly entertain ourselves side by side with a cuddly pup between us.

DAY THREE TOTAL $13.30

DAY FOUR

9:30 AM - I arrive at the office a little late today but I feel good! I pour myself some toddy from my stash and add non-dairy creamer. The flavor is slowly growing on me, I think. I also toast some bread and top it with HOPE hummus to taste it on its own without salad ingredients. Still not feeling it, but I am determined to finish it and you will hear me complain about it until it’s gone.

12:25 PM - Not sure why I’m not hungry yet, but I take the opportunity to walk the long way to Sprouts and stop in PetSmart on the way to look at kitties. On my way out of the store, I spot a ridiculous fish tank with a sunken pirate ship covered in “algae.” I send it to my boyfriend for lols.

12:45 PM - Sprouts is unimpressing me today, but I walk out with a veggie sandwich and a small container of pre-cut cantaloupe inspired by a Money Diary entry I read this morning. Since my colleagues all went out to eat, I take the long way back. While I’m walking, I spot an elderly woman with a full length metallic magenta skirt. I compliment her and while silently wishing I will be like her when I grow up. $7.35

1:10 PM - While I eat, I take the opportunity to respond to some personal emails and invoice my freelance client for all the work I did in March. I also kindly remind them to pay me for February. This is the first time they’ve messed up and I’ve been working for them for 6 months, so I’m cutting them a little slack.

4:10 PM - I polish off the rest of my pre-cut cantaloupe.

6:30 PM - My boyfriend and I hit up AZ Mills to dig through the Nike Clearance outlet. We walk out empty handed.

7:30 PM - We stop by Blaze, a Chipotle style pizza place by our house. I build a pizza with red sauce, vegan cheese, basil, olive, red onion and garlic. I pick up our tab. $17.84

8:30 PM - Boyfriend watches hockey while I start another story from ABSS 2016.

DAY FOUR TOTAL: $25.19

DAY FIVE

9:10 AM - I arrive at work on the phone with my freelance clients. A ton of changes need to be made to their ads and while their timing isn’t great, it could be better. I don’t take notes and tell them to kindly email me the list after our conversation is through as I walk into the office. I make a slice of toast with hummus (gross.) and an iced coffee with cream.

10:30 AM - My client is super late for our meeting so I decide to finally dig into Spotify’s Discover Weekly playlist and find a cover of Animal Collective’s My Girls by Tears for Fears. I am super excited because I DJ an indie pop night every now and then and I get requests for AmCo all the time, but if you’ve ever tried to dance to them, it’s pretty difficult. This cover is solid, so I check Discogs and discover it was pressed to a 10” along with Arcade Fire and Hot Chip covers as well. SCORE! I don’t meet some of the cheaper sellers’ requirements (my rating is over 95%?) so I have to buy a more expensive one. $13.64

12:30 PM - I see another Go Fund Me link floating around my news feed. This time, it’s for someone I’m much closer to. She is in the ICU dealing with complications from type one diabetes. My best childhood friend passed away a year ago due to complications from the same disease, but by the time she sook treatment it was too late. I make my dedication in memory of my friend who passed away. $50

12:45 PM - My colleagues and I go out to lunch at Yard House. I get a veggie burger with a salad. Man this place is pricey. Should have ordered the kid’s Gardein chicken fingers and just dealt with the extra calories (and stomach ache). $17

6:00 PM - We’re going to the Suns game (We have a free ticket hookup through our friends.) tonight, and I really don't want to buy anything at the stadium so I make a smoothie and add some of my boyfriend’s protein powder. Big mistake because it tastes terrible. I pitch it and make another one without powder it's much better, but now I'm late!

10:30 PM - On the way home, we stopped at Zia (record store) and my boyfriend buys a couple new releases.

11:00 PM - We finally arrive home from the game. Suns won which is crazy because they're terrible and OKC is actually good. I am starving and I know I won't be able to sleep with the way my feeling so I munch on some tortilla chips and hummus.

DAY FIVE TOTAL: $80.64

DAY SIX

10:00 AM - We have a ton of stuff to do in preparation for my parents who come into town for Easter next week, so we agree to do coffee and bagels and then hit our to-do list hard. First we stop by Cartel, a coffee shop in our neighborhood. A friend is working and they hook us up with cheapo drinks. Boyfriend pays and tips, then we go to the combination Einsteins Caribou coffee and grab bagels. I get an everything bagel toasted with no spread and smear some butter I brought from home on top. He also pays for this.

10:30 AM - Shopping is our favorite to-do, so we knock that out first. We go to Petsmart and buy some supplies for Katy Perry. I buy an antler and her food. He buys an another antler, a bone, and some treats. $58.27

11:00 AM - We stop at Sprouts to get food for my parents while they’re in town. My mom is gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, no added sugar, and organic, so I buy a ton of produce and snacks for her plus some oatmeal for my dad. They may reimburse me, but I’m not asking or holding my breath. $81.80

12:00 PM - We get home and unload the groceries and decide the best plan of action is to start outside since it’s overcast today. We pick up the trash Katy tore apart outside plus some rotten grapefruit. My boyfriend mows the lawn while I rip off vine weeds from the fence. The dog pushed part of the fence out and my boyfriend’s been meaning to fix it for forever, so we to run to Lowe’s to grab some stuff to reinforce it.

2:00 PM - We definitely take our time at Lowe’s. My boyfriend entertains the idea of planting a garden, but decides that project is meant for another day. We walk out with some supplies. I buy an outside broom, some basil and thyme seeds (for when we plant the non-existent garden), and pruning seal. $26.55

2:30 PM - By the time we get home, we are both irritable with the amount of stuff we have to do and each other. I eat a piece of buttered bread because I am starving and head back outside to pull weeds. Our landscaper showed up earlier, but we told him to come back when it’s hotter. We can handle it ourselves this time. My boyfriend fixes the fence and I start pulling weeds but it’s not much longer before he is hungry and we take another break for lunch.

3:30 PM - Boyfriend treats us to Chipotle. I can tell he’s really hungry because we eat it there instead of driving back home.

4:00 PM - More weeds. I finish the more challenging side of the yard while my boyfriend rests. He says he’ll help me finish the rest tomorrow. I’m itchy everywhere but I hold out and dust while my boyfriend vacuums, so I expose all of my allergies to all of things then hop in the shower.

6:45 PM - We need more “Mopnado” heads, so I buy them on Amazon. $16.99

7:30 PM - We head to AZ Mills to browse for shoes. I walk out empty handed.

8:45 PM - We go to my favorite restaurant ever - La Santisima in central PHX. I get the Gandhi Vegan Taco and the Fried Avocado taco. I cover the tab for the two of us. $23

10:00 PM - We watch the Waterboy and turn in for the night.

DAY SIX TOTAL: $206.61

DAY SEVEN

10:00 AM - I wake up, eat a slice of bread with butter, half a baby Gatorade, and some pumpkin seeds, and head outside to pull the rest of the weeds. My boyfriend joins me a half hour later and we finish, shower, and get ready for the day.

12:45 PM - We stop at Cartel to grab some toddys. Boyfriend treats!

1:15 PM - We drive downtown to meet some friends and get brunch at Crescent Ballroom. My boyfriend works for their parent company (kind of?), so we get a discount on our food. It’s their last brunch of the year, so I get all the essentials, a virgin bloody mary (I’m not drinking right now for medical purposes.), and a modified breakfast burrito with soyrizo, potato, beans, peppers, onions, and guac. I cover the tip. $10

3:00 PM - We walk to Talking Stick Resort Arena to watch the last Suns game of the season with the friends who have the free ticket hookup. We upset the Mavericks and it feels good to end the season on a win (because we are terrible).

7:00 PM - I eat another piece of bread. Dinner is TBA, but I need something before I dive into freelance.

7:45 PM - We decide we hate ourselves, so we go to Sweet Tomatoes. I cover this one and use a 20% off coupon. $21.25

9:00 PM - Holy shit I do not want to freelance because I want to die, but I told them I’d have this stuff done over the weekend, so I power through.

DAY SEVEN TOTAL: $31.25