#hes like THATS NOT FUNNY DUMBASS

[musubiki]

the only way to get better at drawing men is to draw men, so heres lime and his daily workout routine ✨

[djsouled]

hi guys friendly reminder that mic has an intelligence of 5/5 (allegedly)

[im-smart-i-swear]

i always assumed he cut his hair with a pair of shitty scissors in front of his bathroom mirror at like 2am

[brainrotzora]

these things are always happening to the ones i like :////////

anyways the lighting in this dungeon is so nice

didn't get any good pics bc i was too busy dungeoning but so pretty...best dungeon music so far goes to snowcloak though btw

[hellishgayliath]

aight hear me out

what if leoichi but as the lumity confession? yknow when luz is being embarrassingly cute trying to ask out amity but amity beats her to it, yeah that but with usagi trying to ask out leo instead.  

[todayisafridaynight]

NO THAT'S A THING. ANOTHER REASON I'M SCREAMING AND WAILING ABOUT JORILLA NOT BEING REAL (#1 REASON IS NOT GETTING TO DO WHATEVER THE BELLY RUB MECHANIC IS WITH HIM AND MAKING HIM SHRIVEL AND DIE ON THE SPOT LIKE SALTING A SLUG)

THIS SHIT'S ANIMAL CROSSING AND VIVA PINATA?????

[martyrbat]

okay the rooster is screaming at me to get up but... i wanna write...

[penisliker-moved]

im off work. anyways look at this room

[realandhumanmanthing]

goodnight to everyone except (Byron and Harry)

B: Goodnight to everyone except people whose name is Harry Teller.

H: WHAT?

B: Goodnight to everyone except those whose name has the 4 letters H, A, R, and Y

H: HUH??

B: Goodnight to everyone whose name rhymes with Larry, Berry, and Dairy.

H: WHY???

B: Because you can't cut an apple

H: 😑

[getyinyusedtoit]

pls.

[nortsauce]

I love that phoenix is a bit of an asshole like he’s the most character ever

but i will not stand for goofy dumbass pathetic Phoenix erasure.

Bro canonically says “YEOWCH!” when he gets stabbed or hit.

He grabs the back of his neck and chuckles when he’s feeling sheepish.

He called himself “Sherlock Holmes II baby!” when sherlock holmes never existed. A HERLOVK SHOLMES DID

He gushes when something is cute or romantic. “You’re too cute to call you just pearl!” “*actively crying at the delite’s love story* thats so romantic…”

He copies his friends’s mannerisms bc he loves spending time with them. (also bc he has adhd. No this is canon and i’m correct about it no one fight me)

Feenie copies a lot of Larry’s mannerisms

Phoenix copies a lot of Mia’s mannerisms

Beanix has a lot of Dahlia’s mannerisms which i wont look into bc i value my mental health

In the anime he copies Ron Delite when he was yelling and that was so funny

theres more but i always write these when i’m half asleep

He loves to gossip with Maya, (like when gumshoe got a crush)

He loves to argue about pointless shit as well like ladders, which kinda leads into him trying to purposely be difficult bc he thinks its funny

idk i feel like people forget that this is the same dude who got amnesia twice and still went to work (once as his actual job: attorneying and once as a friggin baker 😭😭)

theres a TON of goofy cartoony shit that phoenix does! Yes he can be sarcastic, but he’s also a giant loser who is REALLY good at improv.

Phoenix is just as weird as everyone around him. He’s also a goofball who happens to be a big hater.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"i feel kinda ugly" ft. the monster trio!

in which the biggest dumbasses in the whole of sea comfort you when you fall prey to your shitty thoughts ft. luffy, zoro, sanji x fem!reader set-up: you happened to utter out what you thought of yourself and these men are here to prove you wrong. (kind of a serious set of headcanons, but ill try being funny when i can) warnings: nsfw; somnophilia if you squint, oral f!receiving and m!recieving, boobjob, creampie; MDNI (thankyou very much)

luffy:

my fav little gremlin's in town ^^

- "i feel kinda ugly" you had muttered it under your breath, words dissolving into the chilly night air. you were laying on your shared bed, staring up at the uneventful ceiling as he snored lightly next to you. - he was supposed to be asleep, atleast that's what you had thought (how can you expect him to stay up after eating like 500kg of meat??) - but he stirs awake almost instantly, turning his head to look at your face. he stifles a yawn, mumbling through a half-lidded gaze, "why would you say that?" - "why would i say what?" you smile, waving it off as if it had just been a wayward thought - but lord knows the amount of nights you've tossed and turned, thinking about all the ways you were incompetent for this man who lay in front of you. you weren't pretty like nami or robin, you weren't quick-witted like them, god, what did he see in you? - "who said you were ugly?" his face is scrunched up, the crease b/w his eyebrows deepening "luffy let it g-" "no. who said it?" his violent undertone doesn't go unnoticed, as if he's threatening to take care of whoever made you miserable - you don't have the heart to tell him it's yourself. you convinced yourself you weren't pretty enough. - and so, you stay silent - but his arms are pulling you impossibly close. closer and closer till your chest is pressed flushed against his and you're staring at him confused - "luf-" "that's bullshit." there's conviction in his words that make a dull warmth cascade over your face and neck. - he is pressing his forehead against yours, hands gripping onto you tightly as if letting his grip loosen means he loses this argument. "you're beautiful. you're smart and kind and beautiful." - at this point, youre about to cry - but he inhales deeply, then says "not to mention you smell like a fruit. thats tasty." - yeah the tears dried up. they fucked off and went to sahara desert. - youre currently fighting off a smile because what the actual fuck prompted this man to say that??? and more importantly what fruit do you smell like? "what fruit do i smell like?" "mhm" he's deep in thought, "tangerines" "luffy everyone smells like tangerine. it's because of nami's tangerine trees." he shrugged, "still pretty tasty" - and now youre kissing his adorably stupid face. your fingers tug on the hair on his nape lightly and he whines into the kiss, sucking on your bottom lip as he does so - "you're so pretty" and so he's kissing your neck, nibbling and grazing lazily - two seconds later, he fell asleep. - like actually fell asleep. his mouth is on your neck, open mouthed and half-nibbling and he's snoring through it all. (i mean, what did you expect from someone who had eaten 500kg of meat??) - issokay though cause the second he wakes up, his fingers are hiking one of your legs over his hip. the same fingers then slip inside the loose folds of your shorts, playing with your pretty pussy till you stir awake, moaning his name - you're the one being toyed with and he's the one whispering and whining like he's gonna explode "does that feel good, ngh-" a grin, "god... fuck, cum for me, pretty" - he continues till your velvety walls are spasming against his fast-paced fingers and your teeth are sinking into his shoulder, muffling shrieks this early in the morning - "you're gorgeous" he whispers through a grin - you choose to believe him

zoro:

myhusband ^^

- this was the last thing you wanted. truly. - zoro had just stepped out of the shower with nothing but a towel losely tied around his waist (this was after he had succesfully ignored you and trained for like an eternity) - water droplets clung onto his broad figure, slowly trailing downwards as they glided over every ridge and scar - you probably should have pulled him onto the bed with you, straddled his hips and asked him to stop ignoring you to go spend time with his swords - you probably should have. - instead, you lay stomach-down on your bed, your head softly cradled beneath your arms and against the pillow - "what's up with you?" he asks, unfazed to your tactics "nothing" you mumble half-heartedly he gave you a double over, "you sure? you're sulking more than usual" "i-" you sigh, "i just idk... i just feel kinda ugly?" - this motherfucker laughs, "yeah i mean you kinda are" - he didn't know you were serious. he didn't know till you were softly crying against the linen sheets, your body shivering against your own cries and staggered breaths - "yn?" there's panic in his voice, "yn, baby, are you crying?! fUCK IM SORRY!" - he didn't know you were serious. i mean how wAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! HE THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING DRAMATIC FOR NO REASON LIKE ALWAYS - "hey" you've never heard the swordsman speak so softly as he does now. he's pulling you up softly, placing you in his lap almost mechanically, "yn, baby-" - he lets you sob into his chest for as long as you need to, his fingers are rubbing gentle patterns into your back, arms and waist. - once you've calm down, his hand tips your face lightly towards him. he silently wipes the tears away. - he doesn't say anything and somehow his silence brings more comfort than his words could. - "don't think stupid shit" his palm is resting on your face, pouring warmth across the stretch of your cheek, "you're gorgeous." "but you said im ugly" you lean into his touch "i also said i will return back nami's loans with full interest" a small smile tugs on his lips, "sometimes even i say stupid shit" "so, you don't think i'm ugly?" - his response comes in the way of leaning in and kissing you, one hand on your cheek as the other kneads your waist. - he's laying you down, hovering over you easily and pressing hot kisses to your neck and jawline. sucking, biting till you can feel bruises blossoming across your skin. his knee presses against your core, blinding you with delicious jolts " his agile fingers are hiking up your skirt, letting it pool around your waist, "let me show you how pretty you are, baby" - so, he's pulling your panties with his teeth, he's licking a clean stripe on your inner thigh, kissing and bruising the sensitive skin "and you're dripping wet already? want me to fuck you that bad, eh?" - he's running his tongue over your clit, tracing figures as he alternates between your drooling hole and the bundle of nerves - and so obviously you're now cumming on his face, letting your juices coat his lips, thighs shaking as he gives you kitten licks to help you ride your orgasm - he looks up at you; your hairline damp with sweat, eyes closed in bliss, a warm hue of red sprinkled across your face, your chest rising and falling with each labored breath "i've never seen someone prettier" he declares from between the plush of your thighs, smiling up at you like it was the first time he had truly seen you - you choose to believe him

sanji:

mhm, a fine specimen ^^

- you don't keep secrets from sanji. - or more like you physically cannot. - this man is your greatest cheerleader, there's no way you can hide something from him no matter how squeamish it makes you to say out loud - so after noticing your off behaviour the entire evening and pestering you for twenty minutes after dinner, he had successfully got you to say what you were thinking out loud "sweetheart, darling, the apple of my eye. what is wrong?" you shake your head again, "nothing." "yn, my love, 'fess up" - he said it so sweetly you had to fess up. there was no choice. - "i just feel a bit bad about myself today" "bad? how so?" "i just... just feel kinda ugly" - he looks like he's going into cardiac arrest (he probably is) cause there's no way you, his girlfriend, literally the prettiest girl in all four seas just said that out loud - honestly, i can just see this man tearing up and blaming himself "is it me, mon chéri? did i do something wrong?" tears are clinging on dangerously onto his lasheline "what?! no!" "i am sorry. i love you so much. i must have said something wrong because you're so gorgeous, so earth-shatteringly beautiful-" - honestly you had to calm this bitch down first, explaining to him that he was perfect in every way he can be, it's probably just your own fault - but he refuses to accept it as your fault. - this man, this beautiful, amazing man has to now cling onto you and pepper kisses onto you face like there's no tomorrow. like everytime you try to speak, he wont let you cause he needs to ramble about how absolutely gorgeous you are - he spoke for so long that you are now convinced that to the world you may not be the prettiest woman alive but to this blonde man (with a great ass), you mean everything - his kisses blended into soft whispers and whimpers as you forced him to rest against the headboard and straddled his hips - you can feel his poking erection through his dress slacks as you kiss him senseless with only one goal in mind, to let him know he did nothing wrong - you nudge his slacks downwards till his cock hits you lightly in your face - your lips encircle his tip, sucking on it lightly as your hand moves up and down his length, languid and slow "yn~" his voice is a choked whisper, "you- are killing me. faster, please darling." - now you're catching his dick between your tits, massaging his length with the softness of your breasts as your tongue laps up at his tip, licking any pre-cum that escapes him "fuck fuck fuck fu-" his moans are an incoherent ramble, "i'm gon' cum, fuck you feel- so ngh- good" - he comes on your tits and face and almost releases again when he sees you scoop up the sticky fluid from the corner of your lips and lick it away - looking at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes, "yn, you are the most gorgeous woman i have seen." - you choose to believe him

a/n: honestly cannot thank you guys for how much you'be blown up these posts in the past few days, so here, have a little treat m.list

[unnameablethings]

concept:

supervillain × henchman with the twist that the supervillain is a sort of cartoon foppish dramatic gay villain with gonzo schemes and no bodycount. and the henchman is secretly a grimdark ultrapowerful Apex Predator supervilllain who came to Stake Out the competition. got mistaken for a henchman and found this so fucking funny hes just 100% committed to the bit.

hes carrying around boxes of fucking Acme Corporation sticks of dynamite. hes dressing in the matching stylish outfit. hes managing the other henchmen to execute gonzo schemes flawlessly. genuinely the most fun hes ever had in his life

his dumbass gay boss has literally no idea the lengths he is going to behind the scenes to make sure nobody interferes with any of this shit.

(apex supervillain, in his Supervillain Disguise. homoerotically and terrifyingly flirt/threatens flamboyant supervillain. smash cut to this poor man lying face down on a couch unpacking this with the very attentive henchman)

("hes going to eat me maybe????? but GOD that was the HOTTEST fucking thing thats ever happened to me. but i might DIE?? do u think he LIKES me...."

henchman: i think he does :3)

the ruse comes out when someone who the apex supervillain didnt catch comes to ACTUALLY challenge/harm his gay boss in public and apex supervillain is like. yeah no we're not doing this. time for the power of unfathomable violence.

gay supervillain promptly has a FULL MELTDOWN. oh my god the blood. and also. "you LIED TO ME???"

apex supervillain, apologetically: "I was waiting to see if you'd ever figure it out yourself. And the longer it went the funnier it got."

gay supervillain: "I TRUSTED you!! you were my BEST HENCHMAN"

apex supervillain: aw. past tense?

[anna-the-undertaker]

Female MC ranting to the boys about a human man they had unfortunately come into contact with while in the human realm visiting friends and family -

MC: So a bitch boy with doo-doo breath and blood in his stool told me that women are naturally inclined to submit to men.... but it was funny, cause he's dating my friend and I know for a fact that if he submitted soapy washcloths to the crack of his ass, he wouldn't be leaving skidmarks in my friends bed, tokyo drifting through her sheets... but that isnt what this is about, he cited nature, talking about "Gorrillas do it"..... men, that don't work... cause the majority of females in nature fuck clean over y'all. Tarantulas? 100 times your size... might snack on your dumbass after her nut. Praying mantises? When she sucks on your scalp, dont say nothing. Gotta pay to play. Bees? Endophallic seperatation. What does that mean? Dickless carcass. Laid out, used up. Thats what they look like. I feel like we need to bring that to humanity. I like that, I want that. That's what I want.

MC, 20 minutes later, out of nowhere: and it was a WOMAN who defied God.... what makes men think we'd ever listen to them?

[sunnystars2023]

Boyfriend Headcannons; K. Bakugo.

Synopsis; how Katsuki Bakugo acts as a boyfriend.

Word count-516

Bakugo calls you all sorts of things his constantly used ones for you are Carrots, Dumbass, Hops, Stupid ass, Babe, Baby.

Katsuki is the type to seem like he's not listening to a word you're saying but really is. Like you could be rambling about nothing and think he's not listening and he like "carrots why'd you fucking stop".

Bakugo gets really irritated when too people speak to him at once or when people interrupt over the others when its not important. With his group of extras(friends) this tends to happen a lot. Loads of chaotic people.

Bakugo who doesn't know how to communicate tries really hard to communicate with you because you communicate so well so he feels less than when he can't put it into words for you.

Katsuki gets really riled up if you don't allow him to help you. You help him so much in so many different ways so how dare you not allow him to take your dish back to the kitchen or throw away your trash.

Katsuki who keeps every single thing you have ever given to him, from gum rappers with little love notes and gifts, to coke tabs that you had left in his room.

Katsuki who is so protective over you. He won't let anyone take you away, Not a Villain and definitely not another lame ass person. But he understands and trust you to take matters into your own hands and only steps in when he needs.

Bakugo who always makes sure that you've eaten, drank water, and gotten rest. Sometimes you have so much happening in your brain that you forget to do the basics so he gonna be the one to remind.

Bakugo who has a hard time verbalizing how he feels so he shows you. He tells you he loves you by his actions. Not that he won't say 'I love you' its just sometimes the words get stuck in his throat and don't come out, but that gets better with time as he warms up to you.

Katsuki who tries to keep up with your crazy ass but sometimes you end up going too fast for your self. Funny enough he ends up being the one to mellow you out.

Bakugo is very intense and has a... rich and explosive personality so that makes a quite dynamic difference in your relationship but thats also what causes it to work. You who is chaotic but caring and sweet but also headstrong going with his energy makes your relationship so perfect.

Katsuki who has to care for you because you can be pretty reckless when it comes to your safety. You don't think about what could happen to you you think of who it could save. So Bakugo has to care for you.

Katsuki always has what you need. Point blank.

Katsuki who remembers every single thing you've told him. From every crazy idea to your favorite flower.

👾🌀⭐️🐸⭐️🌀👾🔋👾🌀⭐️🐸⭐️🌀👾

Masterlist <-here

Thank you sm for reading! Want more content check out my wattpad @sunnystars2023!

[oniikabuto]

one bed!

-- sfw --

characters: kyle broflovski, kenny mccormick, stan marsh, eric cartman

a/n: i did this for a different fandom like a year ago. i love the one bed trope i just had to write a new one for south park....,,, lmk if you want part 2

notes: fluff yayyy; gn reader; characters have a fat crush on you live laugh mutual pining;

guys requests are very much open rigjt now pleasseeeekksflkdfnkjs

— ⛧ k. broflovski

sweetest guy. he doesn't want to take your bed, but you insist.

he also hangs his jacket on the door and keeps his hat neatly on your desk... which is kinda funny and cute that he tries so hard to be neat

freezes up and goes red when you slide into the bed next to him. poor boy is about to melt.

"dude why are you so sweaty are you okay"

"huh- what? yeah, yeah it's cool i'm fine it's..,,,,,,,"

wakes up with a puddle of drool and a wet cheek. he panics and wipes his face and looks over to see if you're awake. you pretend you aren't for kyle's sake. he's so cute.

his nose also does that stupid whistley thing it's so funny

a relatively still sleeper. he just kinda curls up and.. sleeps. sometimes he murmurs something in his sleep.

"cartman.. shut up..",

"what?", you murmur groggily.

"no"

"kyle??? are you awake??"

(no response)

genuinely cannot remember any of that when he wakes up.

— ⛧ k. mccormick

it's like 1am and you turn off the movie as the credits roll.

when you look over at kenny, he looks like a baby that had just woken up.

"dude, what time is it..", he murmurs.

"um.. late." you definitely did not mean to have him over for so long.

"do you wanna go home, or like.. stay with me?"

kenny perks up immediately when you offer to let him spend the night. huge, shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"dumbass", you laugh. but you kinda wanted him over, too.

he sits in your room and pokes at all of your plushies while he waits for you to go get a change of clothes for him. ("no way you're sleeping in that eyesore of a parka!")

almost faints when you change your shirt in front of him

youre the only person that can fluster him like that.

sleeps curled up like a little car

(I MEANT TO TYPE CAT BUT THATS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY)

makes funny noises

like when a dog is sleeping

you'll wake up with his face in your chest and he'll swear it was an accident. it was not

— ⛧ s. marsh

you were at your desk doing homework and stan was on your bed on his phone, both doing your own thing as music played from your speaker.

it's not until that last math problem that you realize it's late. really, really late. you look over at stan, and he's face-down dead asleep on your bed, phone still in one hand.

you don't want to wake him up and tell him to go home, so instead you take his hat off and leave it on your bedpost.

he's splayed across the bed right in the middle.

how?? are you supposed to move him???

after a moment of deliberation, you hold your breath and roll him over, praying he doesn't wake up.

he does obviously

"ow..???? y/n??"

"shit. sorry. it's late, just go back to sleep. you can walk home tomorrow morning."

"wha- okay"

he's too tired to object

plus he secretly loves being in your bed. it smells like you

snores and breathes kinda funny once in a while

no matter how still he looks when you get into the bed with him, somehow you wake up with his limbs sprawled out like a spider.

in the morning, his leg is on top of you and his hand is on your face.

— ⛧ e. cartman

actually such a bitch about staying over

he definitely tried to distract you so that he would HAVE to spending the night

he just loves spending time with you but he doesnt wanna ask :(

"but the couch will make my back stiff! i'll be soo sore in the morning!"

"just say you want to sleep in my room with me, cartman."

"whaat?? if you insist, i guess!"

makes himself absolutely at home. if you want to sleep in your own bed, you'll have to sleep on top of him or touching him.

he definitely does that on purpose

as much as it pains you to admit it, cartman is actually like really really comfortable.

even if he's squishing you to death

and he claims he has no idea he does that in his sleep

smells like a dove soap bar or like. baby shampoo and its actually really nice

snores like a monster truck engine

leaves his shit all over the floor but also offers to help clean up to impress you

(he cant clean for shit but at least he tried??)