#hes also gained some weight since last i drew him ! :') <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[mechawolfie]

things I drew while waiting in the doctor's office

2 new sonas (badger bc my new haircut & wolf bc. well I wanted another wolf sona <3) plus doug. I don't think anyone here knows doug.. I have a few old pics of him on my old art account but i dont think I ever showed him on this one....

[prqltothesql]

Been feeling really really depressed recently. Like REALLY depressed since my birthday. So here’s what my 2022 has been like

- Started an indoor drumline at the brand new HS that I’m teaching at. We did a show of Spider-Man music from the Spider-Man PS4 game, the Into the Spider-Verse movie and Avengers. We did standstill so it was low-commitment, low importance, but they had an undefeated season (of two shows lmao) and the kids did great. - Taught Middletown’s pit and wrote their show which was in dedication to Kevin, who passed in July 2021. We did Jupiter, Schism, Wish You Were Here and Waiting on the World to Change, which are 4 very different songs but I think I made it work. Kids did great, I met a new tech named Lauren from UD who was super awesome and became one of my closest friends during the season. At Wildwood, while we only finished 5th, we finished 2nd in music, getting 1st overall in music achievement from the only judge on the panel worth a damn. Was my last season after working with them since 2014 and a great way to go out. - Saw Tool, Dream Theater and John Petrucci live in concert this year, as well as seeing 3 wrestling shows; NJPW, AEW and WWE. - Saw The Batman, Doctor Strange 2, Jurassic World: Dominion, Thor: Love and Thunder, Rogue One IN IMAX!, Clerks III, Black Panther 2 - My dad died this year. I’ve been wrestling hard with my grief all year and it’s hitting really hard as we get to my birthday, Christmas and the New Year, all things that were extremely important to my dad and us as a family. A few weeks before he died, he started doing a bunch of stuff around here. Fixing my ceiling. Putting up floor jacks in the basement, fixing things, offering to buy me things I wanted. It was very weird, like he knew he was gonna die and didn’t have long. Two days before he died, he had a mini-heart attack. He said he threw up and was sweating and having chest pains, every sign of a heart attack. Yet that same day, he had his friend over to record and was helping him record a song. The day before he died, he woke up feeling great, we ate dinner, he was in an awesome mood, everything was fine, and he woke up the next day, had another heart attack and died. My sister didn’t wake me up cause she didn’t want to leave him alone, even though I was right upstairs and it would have taken just a few seconds. I don’t know if there was anything I could have done, or anything anyone could have done at that point. I never got to say goodbye to him. I never got that chance. I woke up and he was dead. - I planned his funeral and burial, I think I did a good job but didn’t write a eulogy, just gave some haphazard speech that went only a couple of minutes. That still haunts me. I miss him so much and think about him every day. The grief, the regret, the anxiety, the depression, the guilt. It’s not been 5 stages of grief, it’s just been a recurring cycle, ping-ponging back and forth between all of them, never quite hitting acceptance. - After he died, I gained a lot of weight and wasn’t active in the summer to the point where a brisk walk made me short of breath and caused my back to ache. After doing more band, I felt a lot better, but I still haven’t lost any of the weight I put on. - I went and saw a Blue Rocks game with Rachel on Father’s Day, just so we didn’t have to sit at home and refresh social media and see a bunch of stuff about Father’s Day. I went and saw 2 drum corps shows with Drew and it was really really fun just getting to go and be a spectator and talk shit and watch shows. - I met a girl online who lived in Ohio who we talked for 3 months and then she blocked me on everything and ghosted me out of nowhere. So there’s that. - On a whim, I applied for a job teaching the front ensemble at George Mason University. The director is a guy I’ve known since I was in HS, also a Delaware guy. I’ve never taught or marched world class, I’ve only taught HS for a majority of my teaching career. I didn’t think I’d get it, but I applied anyways, interviewed for it and was offered the position. I’ve gone down 6 out of the 8 weekends so far and it’s been a blast but very humbling. I never would have gotten the chance to do this had my dad been alive. He hated me doing band, and now with me driving down on the weekends and being gone all weekend, stranding my sister here by herself, he’d have lost it and it would have been miserable. But instead these weekends are like little adventures for me, and I’m learning so much and getting my name out there for possibly other things. It’s a bittersweet thing. - I got COVID. After the first marching band competition of the season, I felt bad, wound up being sick, wound up testing positive for COVID. My sister also got it. I’m vaccinated, my sister is not, but it both hit us equally as hard. That was really rough. - Odessa went to ACCs as a competing unit for the first time this year and it was at Hersheypark Stadium, so getting to take this little band to such a big time place was awesome, and we finished 3rd in percussion and 3rd in colorguard, which was huge. Last year was weird because I was still dealing with strife with my dad about teaching again, I was double dipping at Middletown because I was loyal to Kevin’s memory and Garrett, and Odessa was only doing a backing-track-led Festival class show. And Middletown had a core of seniors in the drumline. So it was hard splitting my time. But this year, committed only to teaching one school, it was a lot better. And I enjoy working with Odessa because the kids are brand new and only learning what I’m teaching them, so I can drill in fundamentals. I don’t have to break bad habits or change culture. I’m creating the culture, I’m creating the technique program. It’s been super fun. - I’m still at my job. We lost our manager back in February and we gained a new one back in August. It’s been rough in that transition as she’s changing the paradigm in our department, but it’s been good. - We lost our second to last dog, Wolfie, back last November. The last remaining dog, my dog Angel, she doesn’t have long either, so I’m dealing with a lot of sadness and anxiety about her, hoping she’s good, trying to keep her health the best I can these last few days, weeks, months she has. Overall, I’m in a decent position in my life. I’m still single, I’m still in the same crappy house, I’m still stuck with my sister. But I’ve made moves, I’ve improved as a teacher, I have two really great jobs lined up teaching and I’m having a blast at both, whether I’m good or having success or nobody likes me or not, it’s been very fulfilling. And I’ve done a lot of cool stuff and despite the soul-crushing sadness of losing my dad that has taken hold of in my heart, a lot more opportunities to live life and have fun have opened up for me and Rachel and it’s been interesting learning how to live in this new life.

[deadpresidents]

Unfinished: April 12, 1945

As March 1945 drew to a close, Franklin Delano Roosevelt was exhausted. At the beginning of February, Roosevelt had attended the Yalta Conference with Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin -- a meeting which required the American President to undertake a physically punishing and extraordinarily dangerous trip halfway around the world to the Crimean Peninsula in the middle of a raging world war. At Yalta, Roosevelt’s appearance had shocked the foreign leaders and their aides. In his last face-to-face meeting with Churchill, on February 18, 1945, FDR was seen as a dead man walking. Churchill’s personal doctor, Lord Moran, told a friend that Roosevelt had “only a few months to live”.

Being President of the United States for just one term is taxing enough on a young man or a healthy man. Franklin Delano Roosevelt had been President for twelve years. He had campaigned for the Presidency and been victorious in four national elections. His Administration faced one of the greatest domestic crises in American History -- the Great Depression -- and the greatest crisis and bloodiest conflict in world history -- World War II. FDR had attacked these problems (and other issues that arose during his terms) with energy, creativity, and a relentless pursuit of victory.

A healthy and athletic man who stood nearly 6′2″ and weighed about 200 lbs. as Assistant Secretary of the Navy under Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Roosevelt had been stricken by polio in 1921. The disease robbed him of his ability to walk and, at the time, looked as if it had robbed him of a political future. He rebounded politically but physically he was never the same. Confined to a wheelchair, the muscles in his legs withered like the branches of a tree in winter. Although he could not walk under his own power, FDR taught himself to stand while wearing heavy steel braces around his shins. He needed the assistance of a muscular partner -- sometimes one of his sons, sometimes a military aide -- in order to feign the appearance of walking. Through sheer will, however, Roosevelt learned to take a few steps without anyone’s help -- a handy skill that he would show off at important campaign rallies. But as he began his unprecedented fourth term in the White House in the early months of 1945, FDR no longer had the energy to show off.

Roosevelt was as gravely ill as Lord Moran suggested. The successful 1944 Presidential campaign had severely drained his already tapped-out reservoirs of energy and stamina. His fourth inauguration was low-key, partly because it took place in the midst of war and partly due to the President’s failing health. Instead of the traditional inaugural ceremonies at the U.S. Capitol, Roosevelt took the Oath of Office at the White House and gave his brief fourth Inaugural Address from a balcony at the Executive Mansion. The famously verbose Roosevelt gave the second-shortest Inaugural Address in American History. By the time the crowd realized that he was talking he had already finished. Only George Washington’s four-sentence-long second Inaugural Address in 1793 was shorter than the address given by FDR on January 20, 1945.

FDR now looked entirely different than the man who had told the nation that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” in 1933. Dark circles surrounded his eyes, which seemed sunken into his skull. Since his first Inauguration, Roosevelt had lost 40-50 pounds. His hands shook so violently at times that some observers wondered how he was able to eat. He smoked constantly, but rarely finished his cigarettes. Most shocking of all, FDR no longer went to great lengths to conceal his disability. Frail and tired, he found it almost impossible to wear the heavy braces that he long wore on his crippled legs. On March 1, 1945, Roosevelt addressed a joint session of Congress on the results of his Yalta Conference with Churchill and Stalin. In an unprecedented move, the President sat in a chair on the floor of the House of Representatives and apologized to Congress, beginning his speech by saying, “I hope that you will pardon me for this unusual posture of sitting down during the presentation of what I want to say, but I know that you will realize it makes it a lot easier for me not to have to carry about ten pounds of steel around on the bottom of my legs.” It was the first time that President Roosevelt had ever publicly acknowledged his physical disability.

Twelve years of the Presidency, economic depression and war had strained Roosevelt’s health, but the 14,000-mile trip to the Yalta Conference on the Black Sea had pushed FDR to the limit. On March 30, 1945, Roosevelt arrived in Warm Springs, Georgia for a few weeks of relaxation and, hopefully, recuperation. Roosevelt loved Warm Springs. He had started visiting the small town in western Georgia in the 1920s, hoping that the warm waters from the natural mineral springs nearby would help him regain the use of his legs. When he was Governor of New York, FDR purchased a small house that he used when he visited Warm Springs. As President, the home was called the “Little White House” and although FDR only visited it sixteen times during his Presidency, many of those trips were for 2-3 weeks each. When his train pulled into Warm Springs at about 1:30 PM on March 30, 1945, many longtime residents said that things seemed different. Roosevelt looked terrible and while he waved to onlookers, it was with noticeable weakness.

The first few days in Georgia were tough. FDR was obviously ill and seemed to struggle making it through a church service on Easter Sunday. Roosevelt also avoided his beloved Warm Springs pools. Instead, the President rested, caught up on sleep, and visited with guests. The goal was for FDR to regain enough of his health to make a trip to San Francisco for the charter meeting of what would become the United Nations. At the Little White House with Roosevelt were some personal aides, military attaches, and cousins Daisy Suckley and Polly Delano. During his first week at Warm Springs, Roosevelt did very little work, dictating a few letters and reading briefings, stronger and more animated in the mornings and evenings but completely drained in the afternoon. Another goal for Roosevelt was to gain weight -- by the time he left Warm Springs, he hoped to be up to 170 lbs.

Still, there was no noticeable improvement in FDR’s health or spirits. Then, on April 9th, Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd arrived. As President Wilson’s Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Franklin D. Roosevelt had become involved in a passionate love affair with his wife’s social secretary, Lucy Mercer. It was 1918 when Eleanor Roosevelt discovered the affair between Franklin and Lucy and threatened to divorce him unless he promised never to see or speak to Lucy again. FDR agreed to the ultimatum -- an ultimatum that was strengthened by his mother’s threat to cut off his inheritance if he and Eleanor were divorced, as well as the fact that Franklin’s budding political career would be crushed if the affair was revealed. The relationship between FDR and Eleanor was never again passionate or loving after the discovery of the affair, but Eleanor kept her word and remained married to Franklin. Franklin, however, didn’t keep his word to Eleanor.

The Franklin-Lucy affair probably resumed shortly after Roosevelt’s first Inauguration in 1933.  By that time, FDR and Eleanor had more of a professional relationship than a personal one. He respected the First Lady’s political viewpoints, supported her activism, used her as a sounding board, and tried to act on many of her suggestions. Personally, however, there was no passion or tenderness or intimacy between the First Couple. It was FDR and Eleanor’s daughter, Anna, who helped rekindle Franklin’s relationship with Lucy. She arranged for Lucy to visit the President in the White House when Eleanor was out of town. And on April 9, 1945, Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd was in Warm Springs, Georgia visiting President Roosevelt due to Anna Roosevelt’s invitation.

FDR was so excited to see Lucy that he didn’t wait for Lucy to make the drive all the way from Aiken, South Carolina to Warm Springs. The President and his cousin Daisy decided to meet Lucy’s car en route. At Manchester, Georgia, 85 miles away from Warm Springs, the highway rendezvous took place. FDR looked happier than he had in months as Lucy got into FDR’s car along with her friend, painter Elizabeth Shoumatoff. Lucy had brought Shoumatoff along to paint a portrait of the President -- a portrait that she hoped would be an improvement on the recent photographs that had made Roosevelt look “ghastly”.

For the next two days, Roosevelt and Lucy enjoyed their time together, going on small drives, eating happy meals, and sitting together while Shoumatoff prepared to paint the President’s portrait, studying photographs and making preliminary drawings. Daisy Suckley had the opportunity to observe the unique relationship between FDR and Lucy Mercer and also had some private conversations with the President’s longtime mistress. In her diary, Daisy recorded her thoughts about the two after she accompanied them on an automobile drive that they took: “Lucy is so sweet with F(ranklin) -- No wonder he loves to have her around -- Toward the end of the drive, it began to be chilly and she put her sweater over his knees -- I can imagine just how she took care of her husband -- She would think of little things which make so much difference to a semi-invalid, or even a person who is just tired, like F(ranklin).”

On April 12th, President Roosevelt woke up and ate a light breakfast. He had a slight chill despite the warm, humid weather that day and wore his cape draped over his shoulders throughout the early afternoon. Roosevelt did a little bit of work, reading the Atlanta newspapers and dictating some correspondence. Elizabeth Shoumatoff had set up her easel in the living room where the President worked behind a card table that served as his makeshift desk. As Shoumatoff painted, FDR continued reading, and at about 1:00 PM, Roosevelt said, “We have got just about fifteen minutes more to work.”

In the quiet of the room, Daisy Suckley thought that the President had dropped his cigarette and was searching for it because his head slumped forward suddenly. Roosevelt could barely lift his head when Daisy asked what was wrong. He placed his left hand gently against the back of his head and, in a barely audible voice, told Daisy, “I have a terrific pain in the back of my head!”

Roosevelt quickly slipped into unconsciousness as the women in the room summoned help. They called for a doctor who was staying in a cottage close to the Little White House and they helped two of FDR’s valets carry the President into the bedroom. Roosevelt’s hands and feet were ice cold, but he was still breathing. Smelling salts were administered but FDR was unresponsive. As the doctor and aides tried to help the President, Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd and Elizabeth Shoumatoff recognized the hopelessness of the situation. They also recognized the potential scandal that was possible if it was learned that the President collapsed in the presence of his longtime mistress.

Shoumatoff packed up all of her paints and the unfinished portrait she had been working on. Lucy Mercer grabbed her belongings and took one last look at her beloved Franklin. He was still alive when they left, but he was breathing laboriously and his eyes no longer recognized Lucy. Lucy and Elizabeth Shoumatoff had been on the highway back to Aiken, South Carolina for an hour when President Franklin Delano Roosevelt died in Warm Springs at 3:35 PM. The official cause of death was a cerebral hemorrhage. FDR was 63 years old.

Eleanor Roosevelt was notified of her husband’s death a few minutes after 4:00 PM. She summoned Vice President Harry Truman to the White House while he was having a drink at the U.S. Capitol with House Speaker Sam Rayburn. Truman wasn’t told why he needed to hastily come to the White House, but he knew it sounded urgent. As Truman left the Capitol, he ran into a young Congressman who questioned the Vice President about his speedy exit -- a young Congressman named Lyndon Johnson.

At the White House at 5:30 PM, Eleanor Roosevelt broke the news to the Vice President simply a directly: “Harry, the President is dead.” Truman was stunned and asked what he could do for the widowed First Lady. Eleanor smiled sadly and asked, “Is there anything we can do for you? For you are the one in trouble now.” At 7:00 PM, Chief Justice Harlan Fiske Stone administered the Oath of Office to Truman as the 33rd President of the United States.

By that time, Eleanor was on her way to Warm Springs to claim her husband’s body. At about midnight, she arrived at the Little White House in Georgia where she asked about her husband’s last hours. It was then that she learned news almost as shocking as the President’s death. Eleanor found out that FDR had been with his former mistress Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd when he was stricken. She spent 45 minutes alone with his body, picked out the clothing for his burial, but never lost her composure despite the shocks that she experienced that day.

A funeral train returned FDR’s body to Washington, D.C. the next day. Roosevelt was embalmed by morticians who found that the President’s arteries were so hardened that they could barely inject the embalming fluid into his body. FDR’s body laid in state in the East Room of the White House almost 80 years to the day that Abraham Lincoln’s body rested in the very same place following his assassination. On the 80th anniversary of Lincoln’s death -- April 15, 1945 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt was buried in the garden of his beloved estate Hyde Park on the Hudson River in New York. Upon his death, the New York Times wrote of the deceased President:

“Men will thank God on their knees a hundred years from now that Franklin D. Roosevelt was in the White House. It was his hand, more than that of any other single man, that built the great coalition of the United Nations. It was his leadership which inspired free men in every part of the world to fight with greater hope and courage. Gone is the fresh and spontaneous interest which this man took, as naturally as he breathed air, in the troubled and the hardships and the disappointments and the hopes of little men and humble people.” 

Elizabeth Shoumatoff’s Unfinished Portrait of President Roosevelt -- which she was working on when he died -- now hangs in the Little White House in Warm Springs, Georgia.

[sword-of-summer]

All of them answer every question fuck you

ahahaha no i respectfully deny your "fuck you" and i accept the ask and so-

i am 5'10", and i don't wish to be taller or shorter- i am the perfect height for hugs and messy hair, and yep, i like it here-

dream pet would be a mix of golden retriver and a husky called Holly and a chonky cat called Loki- yes ofcourse my future kids have names everyone should name their future pets-

ripped jeans/black pants with a Darth Vader tshirt or a Ethnic Fusion Kurta with black sneakers/artificial leather slip-ons, and if it's cold, a black jacket open obviously- and a black wristwatch i love my black wristwatch.

favourite video game was Clash of Clans and going even back, GTA Vice City and, the og- MARIIOOOO

three things/people are Oreos, Nutella and Pizza. The Holy Trinity-

"Beware me my fingers are smeared with chicken popcorn grease"

you didn't mention an opinion, @chunkybirb, so imma give my opinion on Vanilla ice cream and Nutella- ANYONE WHO HADN'T COMBINED THESE TWO COMBINE THESE TWO THEY ARE FUCKING AWESOME

im either phlegmatic or melancholic bruh idk maybe ik or maybe not

im v v v v ticklish

not an allergy, but an intense hatred for ketchup- i vomit if it gets too close to me fuck you ketchup

im heterosexual

any between tea and coffee but full milk coffee (ik, kill me), never had cocoa- but i love a chocolate or nutella milkshake

both. both is good. (cat and dog)

i would be an elf cause hell yeah, knowledge and wisdom

favourite youtuber is Samay Raina, a stand up comedian turned youtuber who is just awesome-

as i mentioned in 1., i am 5'10"

i would not change my name cause it's the coolest fucking name ever, i am Tanay, and Tanay in Hindi means Son, and my parents literally named their son Son, and hell yeah i like it

i forgot how much i weigh- last i checked it was 75 kilos, but ive gained weight since 2019 so yep, gotta walk in the mornings

yes i believe in metaphysicality cause one- it seems cool- second- me and @theclassyghost discussed a metaphysical life theory that i really really like and metaphysicality gives preservation of knowledge so i believe in spirits

SPACE. SPACE. SPACE.

im not that religious, no

pet peeves no well nah not really

nocturnal def nocturnal i sleep at 4.50 anyway hehehehe

fav constellation is Cassiopeia

fav star is Sirius tho

what the fuck are ball jointed dolls

i do have a fear of losing people that's just anxiety i guess

yep, global warming is real

never thought that much about reincarnation tbh but maybe, i do

fav movie is Spider Man : Into The SpiderVerse and Inception and The Dark Knight Rises and Revenge of The Sith and yes, for my indian gang, 3 Idiots and Gully Boy

yep i get scared v v v easily

i have had no pets but i plan to once i grow up

@chunkybirb 's blog is fucking cool awesome and *chef's kiss* a masterpiece

blue calms me. i love blue.

live in Norway cause pretty lights, snow, and less people than this overpopulated country i am in

born in Mumbai, India

v v v dark brown like it's almost black but no it's dark brown

introvert

horoscopes and zodiacs, i do read them, never believed that much tbh-

HUGS I LOVE HUGS

i really wanna visit my brother i haven't met him in a long time i really wanna play cricket w him just like old times

my sister- she's annoying but well i care for her

nah

tattoos idk bruh im okay idk may get one or may not get one

nope, smoking is ewwww *vomits*

ah my crush- she's cool [ if she exists

when the chalk doesn't write on the board but goes iiiiiieeee I HATE THAT

a sound i love is rain pitter pattering i just hhhhhh sends me into happiness

nope fatass here

nope fatass here

favourite actors have to be eddie redmayne, oscar issac and pedro pascal- and margot robbie and winona ryder in the actresses section also yes, elliot page

bruh already answered in 30.

im okayish!! spotify and tumblr, cool combo-

my hair are okay being black for me

yesterday, monday, from 6.40 to 6.50

music

uhhh naah not that i know of

well in Rick Riordan's Magnus Chase books, the sword of Frey aka Sumarbrander TALKS and demands to be called Jack, so here i am

bakwaas, music and comfy

yep, i believe in evolution

unfollow on hate and when they dm me sending nsfw pics ugh why are people like that

follow, well, i like people and they seem cool, so i follow them

fav kind of person is the one who'll sit with me for hours not even talking and just vibing to music

fav animals are beavers, doggos and cats

three fav blogs are @chunkybirb, @theclassyghost, @little-boats-on-a-lake, @aredhel-of-gondolin, @sue-me-imbadass, @alleenkaas, @my-ackerman, @brrrrrrrrrrzone

fav emoticon has to be ☹ this me seeing my stupidity outrank others

fav meme has to be Butternut is a master of psychological manipulation

INTP

Libraaa let's go

no dog, i have

black darth vader tshirt, black pants, black sneakers and black wrist watch

i have no selfies my phone has no cameras i live in eternal darkness

what the fuck are platform shoes

i, uhhh, i remember weird things like what i drew in class in 3rd while i was supposed to be doing english

lazy ass here, no front flips possible

i like birds they fly

nope i don't Iike swimming i like blankets

wrapped up in blankets reading books sounds better than both

ketchup

hyperspace travel

nope none

reading writing eating sleeping

my friend

tumblr seems cool

i have around 60-70 idk

yes i can run but why

yes they do but what's the fun in that

nope I'd fall over

sapphire let's go

koala bear or panda

sunflower or the one on a lemon tree

ketchup store

one cup of coffee is enough, tysm

read minds that sounds cool cool yeaaahh

nope never wore it a black clothes guy here BatMan

winter winter all year long

i don't know and i don't wanna try

i don't know and i don't wanna know

everyone cause they are better than me

bookstores cause bookstores any bookstores

sneakers, black onez

apparently some gas bitches mixed up to form a planet

non vegetarian but i partake meat just twice or thrice in two weeks

i don't know they don't seem like liking

naaaaaaaah

bugs ew

spiders ew

about the fact that i come off as arrogant and overconfident while in reality it's just that my communication skills suck

i can draw averagely whenever im in a mood

this thing im answering but i like answering it

uhhhhhhh brain freeze- idk bruh questions are good they give knowledge

yep, while sleeping

ahh yes calming, they are

cloudy days cause fucking cool vibes

hehehe wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy

CumuloNimbus i really like it's name yknow nimBUS

dark blue, dark blue always or black

naaaah no freckles

fav thing is when they laugh and it's just happy and we're both laughing like shitheads but who cares we're rebelling against depressing life and we laugh

both. both is good [ fruits and vegetables

sleep but i have to answer 170 questions cause @chunkybirb

sky sky sky it's my blog's header duh uh sKy

sweet and sour candy. SWEET AND SOUR CANDY.

dim lights it makes me feel cool

ahhh so here we go- Mooncalfs, Thunderbirds, Phoenixes, Sphinxes, Dragons that seem to be Space Nebulae, and more and more and more

i really feel like a boomer sometimes

i love everything about this site/app it makes me feel happy cause i like the people and the posts

uhhhhh i think too much about everything cause i just do. i like thinking

"He's dead, guys. For the sake of The Force, please watch Star Wars now he wanted to discuss it with you" actually no i would just say "A big shoutout to Garlic Bread he loved Garlic Bread"

myself cause i should be sleeping but sleep is for the weak and i am the weak and the strong i am a paradox-

that i obsess too much on things and try involving people it never works out

nope. had braces for 4 years, that beat out teeth showing smiles

i prefer computer-tv ahahahahaha

never tried them, so IDK

naaaaah not motion sickness- never travelled by sea so idk seasickness

lobed ears

yep i believe that deeds do count in life and beyond

idk bruh i don't believe in physical attraction too much- bodies are fake- mentally/metaphysically tho, im a 7

ahhhhh many many Stupid Genius, Tani, Tanu, Tanya

i still do-

i really want to talk to a therapist. converse. and discover.

im both, i am both.

10:1 is the ratio- giving 10, receiving 1

uhhh nothing just when i am right and people use the old "disrespect" argument

3, Hindi, Marathi, English

girls

uhh no i am not

my hair i love them everyone says things about my hair but i love them

knowledge vibes i give, someone tells me- and that's all i ever wanted

anyone i know tbh, my mutuals, my friends, my discord friends

ahhh no i wouldn't but i wish i was born 20 years earlier

bleh bloo, neither like nor dislike

i don't know if i have one

i don't know, haven't had physical contact in a long long long time in a galaxy far far away

the above point stands but i would like to ig

anything i write, 3 hours later, i instantly hate just idk why

anything i write

that i am normal no i am not and i am not okay hahahahaha

65-70 ish people

somewhere around-

many many many don't ask please but okay if you do ask

somewhat

uhhhhh idr exactly but i won't tell in public duh uh

mediummm hairrrr

last year lockdown i became harry potter

i don't know buddy i seriously don't know

yep i do cause knowledge i like knowledge

naaah never tried

no i definitely cannot stand on my hands or my head for more than 30 seconds

yep, im pretty sure i answered most of them correctly-

og link-

[majingojira]

Spider-Man Real-Time Aging Timeline

I’ve been asked to get on my crazy again with this, this time for Spider-Man. Well, here goes and boy, this is about to get WEIRD! A lot of this IS based on Spider-Man: Life Story, so if you are wondering about something, refer to that. 

Because there’s a LOT of Spider-Man events out there, I couldn’t include them all without going totally nuts.  If you have a question about them, ask!   Though beware, “The writers made that up” is a possible explanation.  1946 - Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson, Jessica Drew, Luke Cage, “Flash” Thompson, and Gwen Stacy born.  1947 - Peter’s Parents die under somewhat mysterious circumstances. His Aunt May and Uncle Ben Parker take him in. 

1950 - Julia Carpenter born.  1962 - Peter Parker, 16 years old, invents a quick-drying temporary adhesive with properties similar to spider silk as an entry in a science fair (with hopes of catching someone’s eye to sell the invention to in order to aid his aunt and uncle).  Unfortunately, one of the other entries was a might volatile and explodes.  Peter is caught in the blast radius and injured.  Worse, while on the ground an escaped Tarantula bites his hand in its panic.  Peter recovers, but the incident was quite traumatic, and he associated everything that followed with that spider. 

When he recovers, he finds himself stronger, faster, and tougher than he was before, and more ‘aware’ of his surroundings.  Worse, he was ‘seeing’ things before they happened.  He doesn’t know what to do with these abilities at first but is inspired by seeing the masked wrestler El Santo perform on TV. He hits on the idea of fighting for money with a masked identity.  It goes rather well, but we know how this song and dance goes by now. 

After his, he invents gloves and boots to better help him climb across surfaces, as well as web-shooters for ranged entrapment.  He soon figured out web-swinging from there. And thus, Spider-Man was born!    But what did cause his powers to awaken?   It goes back a few hundred years. One of the greatest swordsmen of all time was a man named Zatoichi.  Upon learning of this man, one of the greatest criminal masterminds of all time (Fu Manchu) attempted to re-create this man’s skills.  This eventually led to the creation of the Nanjin, a sect of Warrior Monks who ritually blinded themselves to “See With the Heart”.  Over time, The Devil Doctor did his best to be eugenic about the subject, but random mutation is going to random. Peter Parker his the jackpot with his genes.  Upon suffering a horrendous injury, an epigenetic response kicked in and he became as they were--more in fact with an enhanced musculature and reaction time on top of it.   How strong is he?  Well, starting out, he was a very athletic human, far more so for his size and weight.  After fighting and working out for a few years, he could give some species of vampire a go without much problem.  Especially with his “spider-sense”.  

And yes, Daredevil is a trained Nanjin.  Obviously. 

Also, this year, Jessica Drew is the only survivor of a car crash into a chemical truck that kills her family.  With no one to watch her, she is kidnapped and experimented on by HYDRA.  1962-1966 - Many of Spider-Man’s classic rogues appear in this timeframe. Notable oddities about them based on what people assume are as follows: Vulture’s ‘flight harness’ was based on the old Doc Savage designed Rocket Pack, most famously employed by the Rocketeer (Cliff Seacord) back in the Late 30s/Early 40s; Otto Octavius is a Cthulhu Cultist; The Sandman is a person who absorbed a juvenile Founder/Changeling and gained some semblance of their shapeshifting abilities; The Lizard is likely tied to the experiments which created the “Alligator Man” of Bayou Landing (The Alligator People); Electro is one of several known “Electrical Mutants” -- people who were born with an electro-kinetic ability.  

1964 - Norman Osborn becomes the Green Goblin. 

1965 - Peter Parker meets Mary Jane Watson and Gwen Stacy. 

1966 - Flash Thompson goes to Vietnam.  

1969 - The death of George Stacy, Gwen Stacy’s Father. 

1972 - Giant-Size Spider-Man #2 - Spider-Man and Shang-Chi team up against Shang’s Father, Fu Manchu. 

Peter Parker marries Gwen Stacy. 1973 - Giant-Size Spide-Man #1 - Spider-Man tangles with (a) Dracula.

1974 - Giant-Size Spider-Man #3 - Spider-Man helps resolve a case started by Doc Savage in 1934.  

Flash Thompson comes back from Vietnam with a wife, Sha-Shan Nguyen-Thompson, but without his legs. 

Jessica Drew escapes Hydra’s indoctrination and tries to make headway as a hero on her own as “Spider-Woman”.  It does not go well. 

1975 - Marvel Team-Up #36-37 - Spider-Man meets Frankenstein’s Monster.  Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man - Spider-Man is tricked into fighting the legendary Superman by the machinations of Otto Octavius and Lex Luthor.  They eventually team up and stop the malcontents.  1976 - Jessica Drew decides to re-invent herself as the heroine “Jewel” since her powers really have very little to do with Spiders.  1977 - Professor Miles Warren’s plan of making Gwen Stacy his own via “cloning” is exposed by the ‘new’ Green Goblin, Harry Osborn.  Unfortunately, tat technology is over a decade away, and his “Clone” is more “Human Meat Puppet” and rather horrifying.  In the conflagration/confrontation, he and Gwen Stacy are killed.  Harry Osborn disappears for a time... Mary Jane Watson-Osborn and Peter Parker comfort each other over their mutual losses. 

Jessica Drew finds herself under the thrall of a mind-mage known as “The Purple Man.”  The thrall is eventually broken, but though she manages to recover, it leaves scars. 

1978 - Marvel Team-Up #79 - Thanks to a mystical malady, Spider-Man battles Kulan Gath, and things could have ended up badly for him, if not for the revelation that Mary-Jane Watson was a descendant of Red Sonja of Hyrkania.  Touching an artifact allowed the She-Devil to manifest in the present and aid Spider-Man in taking down her ancient foe. 

Spider-Man first encounters the blind seer Madame Web. 

Birth of Samuel Thompson to Flash and Sha-Shan Thompson.

Jessica Drew takes up two new identities, Knightress (for about 5 minutes) and Jessica Jones to distance herself from what happened. 

1980 - Marvel Treasury Edition #28 - Spider-Man manages to accidentally thwart the plans of Doctor Doom, to turn the monster known as Parasite into a massive energy storage device after it drained the life force from the Hulk, Superman, and Wonder Woman.  

Secret War - Spider-Man is one of the many people invited to this decade’s Mortal Kombat tournament.  Unfortunately for Shao Khan, so is Superman (Clark Kent), and he utterly wrecks the event, making the whole thing a wash, forcing Shao Khan to wait another decade to continue his win streak.  The monstrous being known as “Venom” follows Spider-Man from Outworld.  One of the people taken in by this is a survivor of “The Shop”, Julia Carpenter.  Taking a cue from Spider-Man, she dubs herself Spider-Woman (II).  

Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson marry. 

Mattie Franklin born. 

1981 -  Marvel Team-Up #111-112 - Spider-Man has a time-traveling adventure featuring King Kull, battling against Valusian Serpent-Men.   Marvel Team-Up Annual #5 - Spider-Man has more adventures with the Serpent-Men and their ancient enemies, Kull and Conan. 

1982 - The monster  “Venom” reveals himself. Its first host is Eddie Brock. 

May “Mayday” Parker is born.

1983 - The Venom creature spawns, creating the horror known as Carnage. It goes on to spawn more Symbiotes.  Jessica Jones has a child with Luke Cage (Daniel Cage) and later marries him.  1984 - Spider-Man and Batman: Disordered Minds - Spider-Man and Batman (III) team-up. 

Kraven’s Last Hunt occurs.

Cindy Moon, the grandaughter of Flash Thompson, born.  

1985 - Batman/Spider-Man - Batman and Spider-Man team up once again. 

1988 - Anya Corazon born. 

1990 - Julia Carpenter retires as Spider-Woman, Madame Web begins recruiting her as a replacement for herself. 

1991 - Richard Wentworth jr., the descendant of the pulp-era anti-hero known as The Spider takes to the streets, and takes umbrage with the ‘pretender’ that is Peter Parker. He and Peter clash several times over the next few years, and the comic industry uses the presence of a ‘second Spider” to inflate the “Clone Saga” to ridiculous levels. 

Thanks to developments from InGen being stolen when the company was liquidated in 1990, Efforts to Clone Spider-Man go forward under multiple groups. The results are nicknamed “Kaine” but artificial again technology doesn’t exist, so it wouldn’t bear fruit for many years. 

1993 - May Parker Sr. passes away. 

1995 - Richard Wentworth jr. goes to more volatile places around the world to sate his bloodlust. 

Miles Morales born. 

1996 - Gwen Stacy (II), niece of Gwen Stacy (via Gabriel Stacy) is born. 

Mattie Franklin, a half-demon with arachnid affinities decided to become “Spider-Woman”.  Her desire to prove herself causes quite a few problems. 

1998 - Mayday Parker has her first outing as Spider-Girl under her parent's noses.  After a few of these outings, she catches Mattie Franklin’s attention, who challenges her to a “Title Fight.”  Mattie loses and chooses to go by “The Scarlet Spider” for a time afterward. 

Benjamin Parker is born to Peter and Mary Jane Parker. 

Cindy Moon is identified by the Nanjin and is kidnapped for ‘training’ by them.  She ends up with a similar condition to Peter Parker. 

2000 - Peter Parker retires from being Spider-Man and working Biotech to become a teacher at his old High School. Mayday Parker takes over properly as Spider-Girl. 

2003 - Anya Corazon is kidnapped by the tattered remains of the organization known as Shocker and partly transformed into a quasi-magical cyborg super-soldier by them. She is rescued before she could be brainwashed by Kamen Rider (Kamen Rider Spirits).  She takes her new ‘gift’ and becomes known as “Arana”, though people often call her “The Other Spider-Girl” to both her and Mayday’s annoyance. 

2004 - Mattie Franklin dies battling drug-runners. 

2005 - Samuel Thompson becomes bonded to the “Venom” Symbiot (or a facsimile thereof) by the U.S. Government.  Dubbed “Agent Venom” he works with them as he furthers his military career.

Julia Carpenter takes over formally as Madame Web on the original’s passing. 

2009 - Miles Morales is bitten by a spider carrying an attempt to create a retroviral payload to make Nanjin Adepts.  He nearly dies from the venom, but it works -- with an added perk or two. 

2011 - Miles Morales becomes Spider-Man with Peter and May’s blessings. 

Kaine Parker reveals his existence to Peter, but more out of obligation, as he’d rather be left alone. He is not, thanks to mystical shenanigans.  Even moving to Huston doesn’t help in that regard.  He dubs himself “The Scarlet Spider”.  

2012 - Cindy Moon escapes the Nanjin order and goes to “Spider-Man” to help.  Mayday Parker does her best to get her settled after over a decade in isolation.

2013 - The “Ghost Spider” appears, and is eventually revealed to be Gwen Stacy (II), niece and namesake of the Gwen Stacy Peter knew.   She is ‘accepted’ by the family, but has been through quite a lot and is often chastised for making bad decisions. 

2018 - Miles Morales has his mind swapped with that of the extremely aged Otto Octavius via a dark ritual.  

2019 - Miles Morales is freed of Otto’s domination of his mind. However, the Grand-Nephew of Otto Octavius (name currently unknown) begins causing him problems, dubbing himself the “Superior Spider-Man.”

[always-anxious612]

Magic in the Air: Chapter 5

Description: Patton offers to help. That’s all he’s really ever wanted to do. Help his friends. But will that eventually lead to a mess that he wasn’t prepared for?

Pairings: roceit, analogical, intruality, platonic DRLAMP

Warnings: food mention, blood mention, slightly gorey image mention  (please let me know if I missed anything or if you want something tagged)

Word Count: 1,746

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8,  Chapter 9

“Watch out!”

The yell came from the living room and at the sound, Patton instinctively ducked (quack), biting his lip as a book slammed into the kitchen wall behind him. He had been doing a lot of that recently…ducking that is. With Roman, Virgil, and Dee all working on their magic over the past few weeks, the household had become a bit of a chaotic mess.

“Sorry, Padre.” Roman apologized coming into the kitchen to grab the book. “You ok?”

“Perfectly dandy, Ro.” Patton grinned, standing up and patting Roman on the back. Roman returned the smile and hurried back to the living room when Logan called his name.

“Hello, Patton.” A smooth voice greeted from the front doorway. Dee made his way into the kitchen to stand next to Patton and sighed gazing int the living room. “How is our favorite prince doing today?”

After Roman had gained a little more confidence, he had started having his lessons separate from Dee once again in order to make the best of all of their schedules. Needless to say, their schedules had become a bit hectic ever since everybody started gaining magic all of a sudden. Even Remus and Patton were swamped with trying to help Logan in his experiments, keep up with their own class schedules and being there for the three struggling with controlling their magic.

“I think he’s doing great. Only one book flew in here today, so that’s a bonus!” Patton cheered, smiling at Dee.

“Oh?” Dee purred letting a soft grin inch its way onto his face. “How marvelous.” Patton nodded in agreement, looking toward the living room where Roman had six things hovering in the air.

“That’s the most he’s gotten to, right?” Patton asked as Roman started moving the things in a circle in the air. It looked like he was juggling without actually touching anything. He’d been working really hard to get that part right. Since he had had his magic a bit longer than the others and now knew a bit more about his limits thanks to…what had happened, he had really mastered just floating the objects and had moved on to rotating them, moving them, and adding more objects. It was amazing to see him improving rather fast, even if he sometimes still lost control of an object or two. After he had set the objects down, he glanced into the kitchen and spotted Dee. With a quick word to Logan, he ran over and jumped at his boyfriend. Dee let out a little oomph as he caught Roman and supported his weight while the actor wrapped his legs around Dee’s waist.

“Did you see, Dee?” He gasped, like an excited child. “I got six objects up this time.”

“I saw, my prince. You did amazing!” Dee encouraged, pecking Roman on the nose.

“I’d say you’re actually improving quite quickly Roman.” Logan chimed in from where he’d come to stand at the doorway of the kitchen. Roman smiled gratefully at him as he finally released Dee.

“Thanks, Lo.”

“I’m only speaking the truth.” Logan replied, smirking softly as Roman blushed at the compliment. As Logan opened his mouth to continue, a heavy thumping on the staircase drew all of their attention.

“Logan, we’re gonna be late for class! You said you’d come get me ten minutes before we had to leave.” Virgil panicked as he rushed suddenly downstairs and headed toward the door. Surprised, Logan checked his watch and cursed under his breath.

“Great job today Roman. Don’t forget that you and Dee have tomorrow off because I have to help Virgil make one of the backgrounds for the play.” Logan reminded as he grabbed his bag and quickly followed Virgil to the door. Patton smiled after them, giggling at how obvious it was that they were dating. They hadn’t outright said it yet, but it wasn’t hard to tell. He knew that Dee knew as well from the knowing looks he kept giving the two. It was great that they got to work in at least one of the same classes together. With Logan being in Theater Design and Technology and Virgil being in Stagecraft, they often worked together on projects for the school’s major productions too. In fact, all of the others were also pursuing careers in theatre: Dee in costume designing, Remus in stage makeup, and Roman in acting. However, Patton himself was majoring in Dance. Sometimes he was a bit sad that he was the only one that never got to help in the production of the plays, but he at least got to help Roman when he was auditioning for a musical and needed help with the dances. Plus, Remus often helped him practice his partnered dances since he had always been interested in the subject. Speaking of Remus…  

“Has anyone seen Remus? I have something he needs for his makeup class.” Patton remembered.

“I think he was in his room last I saw him.” Roman answered as he began to get the ingredients to make himself a sandwich.

“Would you like a sandwich Pat?” he offered, looking up.

“Aw, thanks kiddo! That’d be great! Could you make one for Remus too? I don’t think he’s come out of his room all day, so he probably hasn’t eaten.”

“Sure, but I am not adding sardines to his ham sandwich this time. He wants those he can get them himself.”

Patton giggled softly before heading upstairs to get the makeup brushes he had for Remus. He had borrowed them to do his makeup for a costumed dance routine he had to do for class last week and kept forgetting to give them back, but Remus could only last so long making up excuses for why he didn’t have his makeup brushes in a makeup class. He was getting ready to knock on Remus’s door when he heard angry muttering from the other side. Slightly worried, he hesitantly knocked on the door anyway.

“Remus? Kiddo? Roman made some sandwiches for lunch if you want to come and eat” he called. The muttering fell silent but there was no answer.

“Um, Are you ok?” Patton asked hesitantly.

“’M fine.” Remus responded, sounding unconvincing. His answer was much quieter than usual and there was a slight waver to his voice.

“I’m coming in, ok?”

When there was no answer, Patton took that as an ok and cautiously opened the door.

Remus was slumped over at his desk, his head resting on a piece of artwork of a girl with half of her face completely covered in tiny cracks that branched out and bled into the rest of her face and down into her neck…like a china doll that had been dropped and shattered, just on the verge of breaking completely. It was haunting but still beautiful, and though it wasn’t Patton’s type of art, he could still admire the talent and work that went into it.

“That’s beautiful, Remus.” He complimented, still gazing at how intricate the cracks were drawn. Remus snapped his head up and stared at Patton then looked back to his drawing.

“You think?” he asked, chewing his lip as he studied the picture.

“Yeah, of course! The cracks in the face are so intricate and you did her hair so nicely and the way the fractures kinda start to bleed into the rest of her face but fade off. It’s really great. You did amazing.”

“It was gonna be my project for my makeup class. I was gonna add some blood seeping from the cracks and not paint her face so it’d look like an actual fractured human face instead of just a cracked doll and everything! I mean, a cracked china doll is so overdone, right? This way, it’ll look much cooler and probably be a lot creepier. And a bit more gory, with the blood and flesh and stuff.” Remus ranted, smiling at the thought. Patton tried not to grimace at the concept. It really was very cool…just not his type of thing.

“What changed? Did you find a better project to do?” Patton asked noticing that Remus’s smile faded at the question.

“My professor said that it wasn’t possible for someone with my skillset to get it perfected in time and recommended I pick an easier design.”

“What? But that doesn’t make any sense. You’re not going to learn new skills if you don’t challenge yourself. I mean you are in the class to improve your skillset.”  

Remus was silent for a minute before speaking again.

“So…you don’t think I have the skillset either?” he asked quietly.

“Wh—No, Remus. That’s not what I meant. Not at all. I actually think this is right up your alley. I’m sure you’d do amazing. I’m just saying even if that’s what he believes, he should still let you do the project. So what if its challenging? You’re there to learn aren’t you? And if you want to push yourself so you can grow, I think he should encourage that not turn you away from it.” Patton pointed out. Remus smiled, but it still seemed too sad for Patton’s taste.

“What if you did it anyway?” he suggested. Remus’s grin suddenly turned mischievous as he raised an eyebrow.

“Patton are you suggesting that I disobey authority? I never thought I’d see the day.” He gasped dramatically. Patton flushed bright red as he slapped Remus’s shoulder playfully.

“I-I just think that if you do it and perfect it anyway, then you can prove it to him that he was wrong.” Patton defended “But this isn’t worth a lot of your grade or anything right? Because it might be best if you don’t test your professor when you can fail the whole class because of it.”

“No, of course not. It’s just a little project.” Remus replied, waving it off and looking away. Patton raised an eyebrow at his suspicious reaction but shrugged it off as Remus continued.

“I need a subject to practice it on though. None of my classmates like to be my subject anymore.” He pouted.

“Well, I could be your subject if you like.” Patton offered.

“You—You will? But this—I mean, this isn’t usually your thing.”

“It’s not but it still looks really cool, and you always help me with my dance routines. It’s the least I could do.”

“Ok, then. Thanks Patty Cakes!” Remus grinned. Patton nodded, hiding a blush.

“Anytime. Now let’s go get those sandwiches.”

Taglist: @catolicabuena @look-ma-im-on-tv @its-always-the-witching-hour @sure-i-exist @wellhellothere09 @star-crossed-shipper @cemmy 

[ariyadaivaris]

im giving this very minimal editing. this is a very long post because i thought about gold standard last night and had an out of body experience. it is not very good because i wrote it and also it was like 4 in the morning and i was unwell. i don’t know why its worded the way it is it sounds like i was trying to sound professional and thoughtful or something and i dont know why the fuck i tried that how embarrassing cringe and fail blogger. i am posting it anyway because this is what i do is embarrass myself online. thank you <3 

  Tony after being betrayed said he was hurt, but he knew what teaming with That Guy offered, what the benefits were, and why someone would do it. This is the thing: WHY did the betrayal happen? It happened because Tony stood up to That One. Tony stood up to Enzo specifically because Ariya failed, and when Enzo chewed him out for it Tony stepped in. This was both righteous and kind, and it made everything harder.

  Ariya participated in the betrayal because of this. BECAUSE Tony was kind to him! Because Tony saying the way Ariya was being treated was wrong, and if Ariya believes that, then he is suddenly in a LOT of danger at the champion's hands. Ariya has feuded with a few people already. He has been humiliated for no reason. He has been beaten down by someone who wanted it more. Ariya isn't in a great place to think he can leave and make it. Ariya made a deal with the devil, he's safe as a goon, he cannot fight what happens to him now. Tony and Drew have each other, if it breaks bad, and they're both friends with Ariya he guesses, but not in the same way. He has nowhere to go and no way to fight.

  Tony, however, DOES fight. Tony challenges Ariya's idea that he has to suck it up and deal with it. If it's all three of them against him, then maybe they could get out. Ariya gets his idea about the shape of the world, the place everyone has in it, challenged. And he rejects it! He can't accept it! Tony is fighting to protect HIM! And he denies it!

  And the thing is, this is something Tony understands. Tony confronts Drew instead of Ariya, because--well because dubya weighs their importance differently because of the racism but because Drew hasn't bought in the way Ariya has. If anyone is OVER enough to challenge Enzo at this time? It is Mister FUCKING PowerPoint babey!!!!!!!! Drew gets onboarded and accepts because it might make him more popular, more able to gain traction for his bullshit no fun allowed ideas! Ariya is backed into a corner of his own design, and its not good and it doesn't make him betraying Tony FINE, but Tony understands what happened. Why Ariya did that. In a way, he understands Drew, too, of course. The influence is too appealing, he knows that. But Drew /chose/ to join in when he was given a chance to help Tony. 

  Maybe Drew needed to regain confidence too, maybe he needed to get back on his stupid little feet, it's been awhile since I've seen that storyline play out and I dont remember all the details. But I think the other thing is...Tony and Drew were literally closer at the time. Ariya was still their friend, OBVIOUSLY, even if the canon was noncommittal about saying it, but Tony and Drew were like. I mean. YOU know. You were there. Drew turning on Tony, after all that they'd done together, held so much weight behind it. Tony doesn't demand an explanation from Ariya. But he NEEDS to know Drew is sorry. He needs things to be okay between them. But they're not, and they never are again.

  This is...another thing. Drew doubles down on this to the point it turns him into something else entirely. Tony demands an apology from him, and he /refuses/. He offers some small, pathetic I'm Sorrys during the match, as long as he's getting hurt, as long as Tony has the upper hand, but when push comes to shove, he breaks in the other direction. He's not sorry. He didn't do anything wrong. Tony held him back, if you really think about it actually, because why would Drew have ever done anything wrong? Really, this is Tony's fault if you think about it (it was not Tony's fault)

  Ariya isn't given a chance to apologize in the same way. Tony and Drew clash during the tournament. Ariya gets knocked out in round one, gets injured soon after (which breaks up a potential feud with Mustafa as well and every fucking day it makes me want to scream, I would do anything on this earth for them to feud, please God take me back) and spends most of 2018 out of action. There's just no time, and even if there was, its questionable if dubya would even care about the opportunity. The next time they meet, it's when Tony's the champion and Ariya has finally decided hes better off alone anyway.

  Tony is different. He's the champion, and he's a face, at that. He's earned the title by seeking vengeance against someone who wronged him, and he found it. He's lost in a lot of ways, but he's trying to be confident, and he is trying to become the kind of person who can represent the championship. Not just as someone who got it on the way to a kind of small interpersonal victory, but as a Real Champion. The kind 205 (usually) fosters. The kind that didnt ruin his life.

  Tony is also the same. He's Ariya's friend. In the middle of a sea of changes, Ariya is familiar. They can pick up where they left off, if Ariya wants. If Ariya just...if he just changes alignments for Tony. If he accepts that Tony wants him. 

  Ariya is different. Alone after abandoning Kenta during a failed attempt at vengeance against a mutual enemy. Akira, who Kenta discarded after a few too many losses. Akira, who beat Ariya in pursuit of the title, a loss that Ariya never really came back from. Ariya loses to Akira again, even playing support for someone else. And he lashes out. And he works on his own, because he doesn't trust anyone to help him.

  Ariya's also the same. He lashes out, and he doesn't trust anyone to help him. Ariya carries his career around on his back. He carries, in reflection of someone else's experience, a chip on his shoulder. It weighs him down. When Tony offers him understanding, he does what he has always done, and he rejects it. Tony faces Drew, the ghost of their shared past, and Ariya is there to remind him exactly why he exists as he does now. "I didn't hurt you, but I could have. I just wanted you to know." Tony cannot trust Drew anymore. He shouldn't trust Ariya, Ariya warns him.

  Ariya doesn't say sorry, because he can't, because he's too busy sabotaging his last remaining friendship for Tony's own good, for his own good, for him to convince himself he never cared in the first place, but he regrets it. He cuts Tony off because it's easier than apologizing because this motherfucker will NEVER admit to having problems, he will drink water with a lemon slice and that will fix everything, thank you, but he does this to warn Tony off before Ariya can hurt him again. Ariya lashes out. It's what he does. Its better this way, where Tony can't get hurt.

  (Ariya, who doesn't put himself in harm's way for anyone, who has Evasion as his middle name, who sneaks around conflicts every chance he gets, flattering and tricking and taking opportunities because he doesn't trust his own skills to get him wins, Ariya thinks he's protecting Tony. But maybe he's still protecting himself. Ariya saw Tony and Drew, saw them again, saw how they have something that he doesn't. Ariya can't trust anyone the way they trusted each other. Ariya will never, ever be to Tony what Drew was. The sooner Ariya prevents even the chance for that comparison to exist, the sooner they can forget it ever happened, the sooner he can stop thinking about it like Tony could want to be his friend all the same. Like Tony could be thinking he's just not a threat the way Drew is. Like Tony could know everything about Ariya and forgive him anyway, like Ariya could ever do right by that forgiveness. Like Ariya could /ever/ earn anything.)

  It took a long time for them to get where they are even now! Tony and Ariya danced around the idea of teaming with each other for a long time, talking around it and avoiding each other and not thinking about it. Now that they are, we can actually see HOW their relationship has evolved since then. Ariya and Tony have remained a team, and Ariya has begun to risk things for people. He was doing it a bit before, with someone who definitely didn't deserve it, but Ariya is now trying to actively protect Tony in matches, after matches, when he's hurt. Ariya hasn't asked for Tony's help or really accepted it on a level deeper than Win Match yet (and honestly Ariya probably realistically needs more help than anyone can give him, help that has to come from himself), but he's offering his own. And when Ariya realizes he's not winning on his own, when he had his little Moment at the beginning of the year where he got ready to sabotage and run because he can't start depending on people and especially not on Tony, the LAST person who needs to be looking after Ariya again, when that happened, Tony took a step back and let Ariya work on his own. When Ariya does what he needs to to feel In Control, which is usually a little murder but I like him so it's okay, Tony leaves him to do it on his own or plays support for him instead. 

  Its like... there is a healing in the rift between them in the specific way it needed to heal, y'know? It's not perfect and there's always a chance the writers get bored again and do some bullshit, but like...tony and Ariya specifically have like. One of the most interesting relationships in wrestling right now. It's like. God. I could just die thinking about it. I care them

[shnowbilicat]

FNAF Squad Reference Sheets

---------------------------------------

The time has finally arrived!

After many years of cursing myself about making Reference Sheets fo my characters I pulled myself together and busted out 4 Refs for my main FNAF Squad! X3

... never ever owo

Seriously, it nearly killed me drawing these. The only saving grace was that I had a base body that I just copy-pasted and changed up a little in hights and body type/s X'D

But after 3 weeks I finally did it and I love every single one of these!! Seriously, love them, they perfect, I'm SO proud of them and myself for making them X3

And of course Vinnie had to be the first one of them all, cuz duh X'D

URGH I just love Vincent so much! Yeah, yeah, call me whatever you want, but this particular Purple Man will always be my Number 1. He's the most fun Character I made, ever, and without him I don't know who I would be today. He's important to me and I care ALOT about him <3

Rick is my soft bb boi. I love him, I love how I drew him and anybody who says anything against him is going to have a problem with me e3e

Jokes aside, I would've never thought that my 'Purple Man'-wanna be that I spontaneously made in a FNAF 2 RP would become such a great character. OP af, maybe a bit basic, but also so god damn interesting and fun.

I just can't, okay? Rick is my soft boy and I love him ... and I love him with Vincent, they just too perfect qWq

PurpleShadow for life <33

Aaaand with Keith my FNAF Universe crumbled into pieces X'D

Well, not really BECAUSE of him, but FNAF 4 really was something that was hard to add into my Universe, since it's mostly fixed on Vincent's side of the story.

But, I really appreciated Keith being made in the first place! He opened up another way to introduce the Nightmare Animatronics and with Keith there was another part of Vincent's and Rick's story to make it a little more interesting. He was also the one who gave PG a purpose in the Universe, so I'm actually really glad to have this edgy-wanna be in my squad X'3

I'm still in shock on how similar he is to Necro, a Sonic OC that is paired up with a perverted God, and Echo, a cyborg Pikachu with a bright red robot right eye, AND basically looking like a Darkrai gijinka and also having nightmare abilties. Still in shock about the Darkrai thing, since I haven't played Pokemon at all in that time, or even ownig a Darkrai of my own at that time to even think about :''3

And last but not least we have my favorite perv boi, PG X3

I remember how this boi started and I'm so glad that I managed to come up with a really good story to integrate him into the Universe without breaking Vincent's story and dangerious and dark theme.

... in return PG became one of my most tragic Characters I have, whoops X'D

Eitherway, love PG, he needs more love and more perv <3

He and Keith were the most chill Refs to make, hands down and I'm so glad that I could make them as fast as I did X'D

Together with the others I had alot of fun making these Refs and changing my boiz a bit up here and there, optimizing their designs and giving them new life in general X3

(Below are smol bios for each character)

--

Vincent, the Purple Man.

He's a cunning Mastermind and confident in his killing skills. He's no opponent somebody should take lightly, Vincent is fast, strong and agile, always thinking of a plan and being one step ahead from his enemy. Due to him dying and haunting an ANimatronic suit himself this Purple Guy has the ability to turn into a 'Ghost-Form' that allows him to do all the typical Ghost stuff, but sadly all of that just for a very short time. After his victims forgive him however, seeing the torture Vincent was going through, he was given another chance at life, with a new body that doesn't age and can heal itself. Vincent doesn't really like other people and shows off his own confidence to stay ahead. But sometimes he can be a real dork around his friends and have a great time with them, joking around and messing with them.

He smokes from time to time and drinks ALOT of coffee to try and stay awake for his own sanity, as grueling nightmares of his past horrid actions still haunt him to this day. Vincent tries his best to forget as he has been forgiven, and also make up for what he has done, but some habits are hard to break and some wandering spirits are still after his second chance of life ... .

--

Rick, the Shadow Man.

A friendly and helpful individual that would give his life for his friends. Don't take him as a fool, Rick might look like your average goody two shoes, but the moment somebody harms him or his friends Rick pulls off his kiddie gloves. His Ghost-Form, also known as his Shadow Form, is the most dangerious creatures somebody could face. Hvaing all the abilities as a Ghost, plus controlling shadows, hiding away in them, modifying his body, having a radar-like abilty making him aware of his sorroundings and the people around him; Rick is a force to be recken with. All these abilities he gained after his best friend, the Purple Man, killed him in a blood rush, making Rick a  haunting, vengeful Ghost and fusing with the darkness around him. Though after Rick realized how much hurt he gave Vincent he forgave him and is now walking the world with anew life and body, that doesn't gae and can heal itself.

Rick is an optimist and will always try to talk things out. He loves kids and can play the guitar very well. His past does weight hard on him, but he tries to move forward enjoy his new life with his old and new friends.

--

Keith, the Nightmare Man.

He might send out vibes that make people think that he's rather emotionless, non caring, maybe even easily angered. And even though Keith likes to burst out in anger or annoyance, that is all in good fun. Behind the dark facade is a really warm hearted and nice guy that cannot sit still whenever someone is crying or hurt, if just a bump or a serious injury. He has very deep expertises in both mechanical, technical and the mdeical field and is always there to support his friends and innocent people cought in the middle. Due to Vincent, Keith lost his life as well, but started to walk the wolrd again as a raging vengence dragged him back into the living world. This gave him the push to show off his skills and new abilities to form dreams to his won will, creating nightmares and even forcing people to do his bidding and create abominations that could tear appart anything he pleased ... which were his former friends, Vincent and Rick. After a violent fight though these two men showed Keith the light and he too was forgiving them for what had happened. Now he works together with his old friends, protecting his new and improving his skills even more, while stitching his friends back togetehr whenever they dare to get themselves into trouble.

Keith can be really serious about his work, but he knows how to laugh and have a good time, showing off his new creations and lovingly helping and caring about his friends. Though his past actions have created something he still curses himself for.

--

PG, the Purple Guy.

What can be said about this guy? He's a careless, chill and very perverted guy, that lives life without a second thought. PG looks and acts alot like an idiot, but deep down he's just as dangerious and inteligent as Vincent, as PG himself is a Purple Guy as well. His origin is from a differet Universe and due to an unfortunate circumstance he ended up as ginue pig for experiments and a slave for another's amusement. His spirit was broken ... until something happened that gave PG the will to escape and follow his new friends, Vincent, Rick and the others back to their world. With his own world destroyed and nowhere to go he wandered around and bumped into Keith,bonding with him and even becoming a memeber of the new Fazbear family. PG also died and got pulled back, but compared to the others, his Ghost form and self healing ability is broken and unstable to say the least.

He doesn't like to get in serious trouble, but loves to tease and have fun with his friends, while also drinking like there was no tomorrow and annoying Keith with his sexual advances and jokes.

[notthecanadianaverage]

All 65 ho! 😤

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I mean I guess kind of sometimes? As someone with ADHD, object permanence is a big thing so if I don't see you, you aren't real xD

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Um, it varies, actually. Generally speaking, I'm not afraid. But sometimes I have lots of nightmares and the darkness is awful and I will deadass sleep with the light on. Also while I'm not afraid, if I hear sounds, I am terrified xD

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Jason Mamoa. He seems like a fine person but something about his appearance triggers my fight or flight.

4. What is your favorite word?

Hippopomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I think maybe either a birch or a weeping willow?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

That's not yellow

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I'm wearing a green Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time shirt that my sister got for me a few years ago at Fan Expo.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Panromantic asexual. Gender identity wise, demigirl. I recently learned what omnisexual is and I'm curious, but I don't want to come out again so panromantic it is xD

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright! Lots of sunlight for plants and reading!

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was being trained at work

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I think 18, just because mentally I'm still there.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My boyfriend :3 I miss him.

13. Your worst enemy?

Dickface. He called me his step daughter once and I almost fucking lost it in that Tim Hortons. I had to fight so hard not to say anything. I was also fighting some pretty rough food poisoning that week so I was not in the mood to argue xD

14. What is your current desktop picture?

On my computer? I think it's a rat xD it's either me with Cortana on my shoulder or Willow peeking through some bars, I can't remember.

15. Do you like someone?

I like my boyfriend. A lot. I mean I hope I do since we have been dating for 6 years xD but I also have a celebrity squish. Patrick Dempsey. Motherfucker. Yes. That smile. Those EYES.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://youtu.be/0Eh4b0Ge-sM

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

That power hungry cheeto. But only if I wouldn't get caught.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Dickface. He is a child abuser and just a shitty person all around. I called him a stupid idiot on my birthday and lost my fucking mind because I didn't actually mean to and he looked PISSED.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don't know who, but I would make them cuddle because I am touched starved and need a fucking hug xD

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I'm doing this all in my phones notes so I can't add a picture, but I love my tattoos and piercings! I have both nostrils pierced, my septum and snakebites. Tattoo wise, I have the Triforce of Courage on my left hand, a small blue hard on my right thumb, a beautiful memorial rat tattoo on my left leg, Midna's Fused Shadow on my left arm and Expecto Patronum on my right wrist. I. Need. More.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Not gonna lie, I'd probably jerk off xD

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

If I shared it, it wouldn't be a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I... don't know

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I would stick with my normal Subway order: lettuce, tomato, red onions, LOTS OF PICKLES, cheese, black forest ham, mayo and salt and pepper.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Not gonna lie, I would probably get some Subway and maybe some candle making supplies.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

California. I miss my boyfriend. Let's go.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Joke's on you, I don't really drink alcohol! I would instead request all the apple juice :')

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Pet rats for everyone!!!!

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I enjoy cunt :3

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My little stuffed lion. I would also grab my teddy bear seeing as they are always together.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (Tw rape for this question)

I mean... all of these experiences have made me who I am. But if i can erase one experience without changing who I am, it would be nice to not have been raped.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would say Indonesia because volcanoes! But I am also very gay and I don't believe that is a gay friendly country... so... maybe Japan? All of this assuming that the boyfriend is with me. If not, then California.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandpa. I really miss him... I want him to see how far I've come and I want to spend more time with him.

34. What was your last dream about?

I have been having a weird amount of sex dreams lately...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Rat mom? I like to think so! Shameless plug, but I have a blog here called @ratpotatoez where you can see my beautiful chonks. I'm also on Facebook and YouTube.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

I mean yes? But not for like an overnight stay.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

Fuck socks

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood. I love heavier, alternative rock but my heart will forever belong to Simple Plan.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think they're both really lovely!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilla

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don't like football. The only sport I watch is hockey.

43. Do you have any scars?

I am covered in self harm scars (I'm working on covering them up with tattoos). I don't really have any scars with cool stories. I had one that went down my arm but somehow it healed??? Someone in gym class accidentally took a chunk out of my arm with their finger nail and I had a hole in my arm for the longest time!!! I also have a scar on my knee from when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. I was balancing on some bricks in someone's garden and I lost my balance, fell, and hit my knee on the brick. I remember there being blood running all down my leg as I screamed and cried. So that was fun.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I don't know. I do know, though, that I want to go to culinary school. I also want to go to school for creative writing.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight. I gained 100+lbs when I went off my anti-depressants and I swelled up like a balloon. I've felt like shit about myself ever since.

46. Are you reliable?

I sure as shit hope so!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Was it worth it...?

48. Do you hold grudges?

I try not to, but I think I do ._.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

PIGEON RAT

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

"I just really want to punch this horse in the face, okay?"

51. Are you a good liar?

I think so, yes. Trauma does that to you.

52. How long could you go without talking?

When I get super super drained, I go mute. I can stop talking for days at a time.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I once left the hair dressers with essentially what was a fucking bowl cut. Yea, I wasn't thrilled. I refused to remove my hat.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes. At 3AM. Because fuck a healthy sleep schedule.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do an okay British accent and an okay Indian accent.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter. Just butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Um... I don't remember the last time I drew. Actually, that's a lie. I tried drawing a "small town doctor" while playing Drawful. I drew a very tiny doctor with a city skyline behind him.

58. What would be you dream car?

Literally anything with the popup headlights.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I talk to myself in the shower. Granted, I do that everywhere xD it's the only way I can work through my thoughts. I also cry in the shower a lot.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. We can't be the only ones here.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I don't really have a favourite. But I do like D. Mostly because it's the first letter of my boyfriends name, but also it reminds me of a woman I helped while working in tech support. She needed help figuring out her gif keyboard so I helped and she was so excited when I told her how to search for gifs. She then started giggling like a little girl saying she wondered what might happen if she searched for DICK. She made my day xD I think about her a lot. I hope she's doing well.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Don't do this to me...

Dragons are obviously amazing but haVE YOU EVER SEEN A DINOSAUR?!?!? LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE REAL. THEY WERE ALIVE. THEY FUCKING RULED THE EARTH. HAVE YOU SEEN A STEGOSAURUS?!?!?!?!?

64. What do you think about babies?

I like babies a lot. Like so much. I have super colourful hair, too, so they seem fascinated with me :') but their little chubby cheeks omg

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Fun fact: I actually really like the smell of wet dog. It's kind of a really comforting smell.

[fmdjaewonarchive]

‘our songs’ episode 3: interview

mentions of: eunah, joohwan

it’s a lot of information for jaewon to wrap his head around, both the ranking from the first round and the new mission for the second round they’ve been given. he’ll puzzle it together eventually. if he has the time for it. which he doesn’t, not when he’s guided into yet another interview, sitting down in a by now familiar second. he feels less weighted down this time though, not obsessing over his every action like he was before. it’s nice. he could get used to this.

you’ve had some time since you found out your ranking in the last round. how do you feel about your ranking and what pressure do you feel it puts on you this round?

“i still can’t really believe it.” his smile is small but genuine, more genuine than anything he has dared to show the camera’s so far. “i didn’t expect to rank first, especially not so early on in the show. i have a lot to learn still but... i’ve worked hard for this mission and i’m glad it payed off.” surely there are people out there that doubt how fair the result was but surprisingly enough, jaewon wasn’t one of those people himself. he was quick to diminish his own accomplishment usually but this... this just felt good. “of course it’s only the first round, i shouldn’t get too comfortable and now i ranked first once i’m all the more eager to defend my title so i’ll make sure to keep working hard.” of course there was a buzz of anxiety still, he wouldn’t be park jaewon if there wasn’t, he might’ve done well now but if he did poorly now, the smack would be all the harder. still, for today, he got to enjoy this victory. “i hope i can show that this wasn’t just a stroke of luck. but i’m very thankful to everyone who liked and voted for alarm, i’ll work hard not to dissapoint the people supporting me.”

what are the first thoughts that come to mind when you think of the color you drew from the box?

”i think i was a bit nervous at first.” funnily enough, the second jaewon had pulled out that white slip of paper his mind had been... well... blank. “but the more i think about it, i think i can use those worries as a strength. white is not a color i think a lot of people would associate with me or my music.” because what was jaewon if not dark, gloomy, seemingly always weighted down by the entire world around him. “but that’s exactly the point of this mission so i think i can use that to my advantage. i’d like to show that i’m the type of artist that can make songs outside of their comfort zone as well. if i manage to do that i think i can be very proud of myself.”

do you already have an idea in mind for what you’ll do for your song this round?

“there are few vague concepts in there, nothing concrete yet so i’ll definitely have to think some about it.” there are some ideas on his mind but jaewon doesn’t want to give too much away too soon. it’s never smart to make any promises he isn’t sure he can follow up on. everything he doesn’t mention now cannot be used against him later. “but white... it feels... hopeful? innocent? so i’m thinking about working in that direction. it’s too early to say but i have a good feeling about that. i want to write a light-hearted song, especially compared to alarm.” 

after seeing everyone compete in the first round and knowing the task for this round, has your view on your biggest competition changed? who do you expect to do the best this round?

“i don’t want to get ahead of myself, just because i managed to do well this round doesn’t mean i will for the next so right now, i don’t think it’s smart to rule anyone out as my biggest competitor.” even if had gained some faith in his own skill, jaewon still had no doubts that pretty much everyone on the show was still more talented than him. “i also think winning the first round so unexpectedly might have put me on the radar of the other contestants, i’m sure of them expected just as little as i did.” jaewon didn’t think he was particularly high on anyone’s list, there was very little reason for him to be. “if anything, i think me winning this round proves anything can happen so for now, i’ll keep my eye out for eunah and joohwan, i’m sure they’ll be eager to prove themselves and climb the ranks so i shouldn’t underestimate them.”

[let-it-raines]

Not Your (soul)Mate {6/?}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. 

Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused. It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate. 

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature

A/N: This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but it gives some background history and sets a few really exciting things up for the future! Thank you guys for reading! You’re all the best!

And as always, thank you to the wonderful @captainsjedi for her incredible artwork and thank you to the ladies who organize @cssns! 💕

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @initiala @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @lifeinahole27 @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @emmas-storybook @searchingwardrobes @spartanguard @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @xellewoods @thejollyroger-writer @galaxyzxstark @cssns

-/-

“How do you eat like that?” Ariel asks as they sit in their regular booth at Granny’s, Emma taking a large bite out of her grilled cheese sandwich. Granny must have just taken it off the stove because it’s hot enough to burn the roof of her mouth, but this is the best way to eat it.

Sometimes food takes a little risk.

“Eat like what?” she mumbles, adjusting herself on the old, cracked vinyl seat. She loves this place. She really does, but Granny should think about brightening it up and getting rid of the creepy woodland wallpaper and recovering these booths in another material that’s not falling apart. As long as she doesn’t stop selling this food, though, Emma doesn’t care too much. If she changed her recipes or something, that would be a totally different story.

“Unhealthy. You are so tiny, and yet we come in here several times a week for you to fill your stomach with grease.”

“It’s good. You should try it sometime.”

“I don’t want to balloon up,” Ariel sighs, cutting into the chicken in her salad with a particularly unpleasant scowl on her lips.

“You’re eating for two,” she points out, taking a sip of her water and motioning to the slight swell of Ariel’s stomach that seems to be getting bigger every time Emma sees her. “That’s pretty much the perfect excuse to eat junk food.”

“You’re actually not supposed to do that. Really, you can eat about three hundred more calories a day, but it’s all supposed to be healthy things with vitamins and nutrients so that the baby stays healthy. Plus, the less weight you gain, the easier it is to work off after you’ve given birth.”

Her heart stings for a minute, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her unhealthy eating habits. Shaking it off, she shrugs her shoulders and tears off a piece of her sandwich. “I get that. I’m just saying, if you want to share my basket of onion rings, the offer is always on the table.”

“Literally.”

The bell on the door of the diner rings, a little chime that always echoes around in her head afterwards, and she glances toward the door where she sees both Jones brothers walk in, Liam coming in first and Killian following right behind him adjusting the sleeves to his light blue dress shirt that’s tucked into well-fitting navy pants. She has no idea how Ariel works with him every day when he looks like that.

Her mind has got to stop going there when she thinks of him.

Plus, Ariel’s married, but that doesn’t mean she can’t appreciate someone else. Eric and Killian kind of look alike, so honestly, Ariel likely has a type. She thinks that Ariel looks at him kind of like a brother, though. They’ve never talked about him much. They usually try to stay away from talking about work. She’s not really sure how that started, but she appreciates being able to talk about stupid things like a funny joke she found online or a movie that she just watched on Netflix.

Or a good book.

A lot of her friendships here in town kind of start from a book if she’s honest with herself. As a kid, a lot of her foster homes didn’t allow her to watch television past a certain hour, and when she could watch, the older kids usually controlled the television, keeping it all to themselves so that they were watching shows she never really understood. She needed some kind of entertainment, some kind of story that would take her out of the reality of her real life and the loneliness she felt so that she could feel something happier. So that she could be happier.

And then one day someone came to talk to her third grade class about how library cards were free, and as long as she turned her books in on time and took good care of them, she could read whatever she wanted.

The first book she picked up was Nancy Drew and The Secret of the Old Clock.

And then she read every single book in the rest of the series. Even when she moved to a new house and had to go to a different library, the first thing she checked was to make sure that they had the Nancy Drew books on their shelves. They were here safe haven in times when she didn’t feel safe or loved, and she was able to get lost in the words and the stories and maybe pretend that she was Nancy or one of her friends for a little while.

It’s funny because, strangely enough, reading about a female detective, even if she wasn’t a real one, kind of put the idea in Emma’s head for her to be a detective herself. Well, Neal did as well, but she doesn’t like to give him credit for anything. He doesn’t deserve it.

Books have kind of been her life, though, even if she doesn’t admit that to everyone (people get weirdly judgmental about things like that and act as if they’re superior because they don’t read - what a load of shit that is), and when she moved to Storybrooke seven years ago as a fresh graduate from the police academy and with a freshly broken heart that she wasn’t entirely sure was still functioning properly, the first place she went after putting her things in the crappy loft she was renting was the library.

Belle greeted her from behind the desk, and despite the fact that the last thing that she wanted was to talk to someone with such a cheery face, she did. It was mostly about books at first. That was the safe option. Of course she’d had to muddle through that she was new in town and that she had moved because she was hired as a police officer (mostly true), but Belle didn’t seem to pry. She minded her own business and let Emma do the same.

It’s likely why they’re friends and roommates. Though, Belle does pry a bit more now, but that’s because Emma has allowed her to. Belle knows almost all of Emma’s dirty little secrets, the words slowly spilling off her tongue over the years - mostly with the help of a little wine if she’s honest - and it’s nice having someone know her like that even if it does make her feel vulnerable, even if Belle knows why Emma reacts to certain things in the ways that she does.

Ariel knows things too. Not as much, but Ariel is still one of her best friends. That’s thanks to Belle too. Really, all of her social life is thanks to Belle. She introduced Emma to Ariel one day when they were getting lunch, and after Ariel came Mary Margaret, even if she already knew her because of David. Finally, wrapping it all together were Ruby and Elsa, and suddenly Emma had all of these friends that she had no idea how to deal with.

Little by little, she’s kind of figured it out, even if she’s told that she can be a bit prickly. Personally, she thinks it’s all part of her charm.

Her eyes discreetly follow Killian as he moves further into the building, and she watches as he reaches up to push his hair back, the loose strands moving to the top of his head before falling back at his forehead again. It’s unfair how men’s hair just kind of looks good like that without too much effort.

It’s unfair that Killian looks how he does.

It’s kind of all she’s focused on ever since they all went sailing (Is that the right term since it wasn’t a sailboat? Or is it supposed to be boating? That doesn’t really sound right either, but it doesn’t matter enough for her to care too much) on Saturday. It had been a nice day even if she was a little apprehensive of it. If she’s honest with herself, about half of her reason for going was to mess with Killian. Running into he and Liam on the beach had been a bit of luck, whether that’s bad or good still to be decided, and while she really did jump at the opportunity to be able to get to go spend a day out on the water at absolutely no cost to her, she also likes bothering Killian.

It’s fun, and it keeps things light hearted between them when there’s always this omnipresent heavy weight between them that makes every interaction have this extra little meaning to it.

And maybe it’s her way of deflecting that and deflecting the fact that she doesn’t hate Killian. He can’t help that this is the way their lives have rolled out any more than she can. She’s still scared and confused and angry over the whole thing (she’d like to give the universe a big middle finger), but it’s not as if she’s falling in love with Killian. They’re not dating. They’re barely even friends, and she’s not putting herself into a situation where she can be left heartbroken again.

But then there had been a...moment in the water with she and Killian.

All day they’d been teasing each other, and she knows that she was far worse than him at doing it. She was probably pretty mean about it, and if he hadn’t decided to mess with her right back, the guilt in her gut would make her feel the need to apologize.

She’s not heartless despite what some people think.

Saturday was definitely different. Whatever this thing is that affects them, well, it’s still strong, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was when they first met at Ariel’s pregnancy announcement party two months ago. On that day she’d barely been able to control herself after they talked for the first time. Like, she had been ready to jump his bones (what a weird way to say she wants to sleep with someone) on the floor - or the wall - of the hallway right then and there with him only saying a few words that should not have turned her on. She has never felt that on edge in her life, even when she’s seconds away from an orgasm, and it had been overwhelming to say the least.

It was still overwhelming on Saturday, but it was less so. Every word he said didn’t send a tingle down her spine and make heat curl between her legs. Sure, if he talked enough it did, but it wasn’t as intense. She was still ready to jump his bones (she’s just going to go with it, though fuck like bunnies could also work...or jump Jones’s bones...that rhymes) several times through the day, but she could control herself without too much pain...most of the time. There were still times where it sucked.  

And it definitely doesn’t help that Killian’s an attractive guy, and now that she’s seen him shirtless, has seen the toned muscles under the dusting of dark chest hair that leads down to a particular piece of anatomy that she got a brief glimpse of on the day they met (say hello to his little - big - friend), she’s got that image to go along with all of the dirty thoughts that her mind comes up with whenever she hears him talk.

Which is happening right now as he orders food at the counter.

Damn sensitive hearing.

Damn Killian Jones.

“Your bosses are here,” she tells Ariel as she takes another bite of an onion ring, sliding the checkered basket to the middle of the table so that Ariel can eat some if she wants to.

She’s definitely going to take at least one.  

“Really?” Ariel twists in the booth and looks over at the counter. “Huh, I didn’t know they were coming in here today. Liam usually meets Elsa at her office for lunch, and Killian almost always eats in the office.”

“Alone?”

“Sometimes. I eat with him on some days, but he likes the alone time.”

She hums, understanding that as she attempts to focus all of her attention on Ariel, not really wanting to question too much about Killian despite her curiosities. Ariel is pretty much the one friend she has left who is also good friends with Killian and hasn’t tried to set her up with Killian, and she’d like to keep it that way.

It’s pretty much inevitable.

“So, you still not gonna tell me if baby Fisher is a boy or a girl?”

“Nope. Eric and I aren’t finding out. We want it to be a surprise.”

“You’re not at all curious?”

“Of course I am,” Ariel smiles, reaching over to the center of the table and plucking up an onion ring. Ha, Emma knew she would take one. Why is she so proud of that? “I personally feel like I’m going to crack in a month or so and call Dr. Whale to tell me so that I can start thinking of names and knowing which of Eric’s to rule out.”

They have really got to have another regular gynecologist in town besides Victor Whale. She drives thirty minutes to Beddington to see someone who she has not heard sex stories about from Ruby.

Seriously. It’s weird to know that someone’s dick curves slightly to the left when he’s looking in her vagina to make sure everything is still working down there.

“Oh yeah. Does he have bad names picked out?”

“The worst. Coral Fisher. It’s like he wants our kid to get made fun of for her name being nautical.”

“That’s pretty bad.”

“Finley Fisher is another weird nautical one, but it’s not as bad. It’s kind of cute, but I don’t think it really works with our last names.”

“Has he got any for boys?”

“Nope, not really. He’s pretty convinced that it’s a girl.”

“You know, Killian Fisher sounds like a great name.”

She shakes her head as a shiver runs through her, gooseflesh rising on her arms that she tells herself is from the air conditioning in here but knows that it’s not. Damn it. She thought it was getting better.

Fuck him.

Not literally.

“The only way there’s ever going to be anyone named Killian Fisher is if we get married, and you change your last name.”

“I’d do it,” Killian chuckles, reaching up to scratch behind his ear while she notices the way he’s got his dress shirt unbuttoned one button too far, the chain around his neck falling against the dark dusting of hair. The man likes his chest hair. She doesn’t blame him. Or maybe he doesn’t want to get sweaty. It is sweltering out here. Nah, he’s the type of guy to show off his chest. He’s got this...swagger about him. Is that a thing people still say? Swagger? “Tell Eric that you’re divorcing him, and we’ll be good to go.”

She squirms a bit in the booth, crossing her legs over each other so that her knee bumps the table, shaking all of the contents, with her glass of water spilling over and onto her lap.

Of course.

Of course this is how her day is going to go.

“Are you serious?” she groans, picking the glass up before she wipes some of the water on her jeans off, most of the liquid already settling itself in the denim and in her skin.

“This seems to be a problem for you a lot, lass,” Killian teases, smiling down at her as his right brow raises on his forehead, lines forming on his skin. He likes that move a lot.

“Well, the last time it wasn’t my fault, so I’d say that this one isn’t either.”

She watches his jaw tick before he composes himself. “We’ll call it even.”

“What are you two talking about?” Ariel questions.

“Nothing,” they both answer before she continues, “I’m going to go get some napkins and dry myself off, okay A? Ruby is going to be so pissed that she has to clean up under this table.”

“Probably. I’d watch your back.”

She slides out of the booth, her jeans clinging to her skin, and brushes past Killian to go to the counter and grab several napkins out of the dispenser, propping her leg up on an empty barstool and wiping herself down while she murmurs to herself about how much today sucks even though she realistically knows that it does not.

“Nice socks.”

“Shit,” she gasps, jumping a bit and turning her head to look at Killian. When in the world did he follow her over here? Why in the world did he? “Why are you over here?”

“Getting napkins to clean up your mess at the table.” He very pointedly pulls a napkin from her stack, waving it in her face. “Figured I could help while you pulled yourself together, but then I was distracted by your socks and the fact that they are two drastically different colors.”

She wants to whimper because every word he’s saying is driving her into madness. She thought it was getting better and that maybe this whole thing would die down. She really did think that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t her soulmate sign.

That’s what she wants, right?

There’s too much going on for her to have think about this. She’s still got to go back to work and meet with Marco to discuss the break in at his furniture store. Someone apparently stole several end tables, and she can’t at all understand why they stole those when he has expensive couches and beds in there. Maybe the end tables were less conspicuous? She really doesn’t know, but she does know that it’s going to take her all day.

And she really needs some relief  right now.

“Can you please stop talking?”

She knows that it’s the wrong thing to say when the right side of Killian’s lip curls up, and he leans a little closer to her, warmth radiating off of him. “Why, darling, do you simply find my voice so irresistible that if I keep talking you’ll have to have me right here on the counter of Granny’s.”

“That’d be hot, but it’s against health code violations,” Ruby mumbles from behind the countertop, handing Emma the roll of paper towels that she kind of wants to bury her face in right now from how flustered she is. “I learned that one the hard way.”

“I always knew you were a feisty one, lass,” Killian jokes, winking at Ruby, and that only makes her more agitated as she furiously wipes at her jeans, figuring that she’s going to be stuck all riled up with wet pants on for the rest of the day with absolutely nothing that she can do about it.

Well, unless she wants to mortify David and walk around in just her underwear.

She kind of wants to mortify David.

She really shouldn’t.

Mostly right now she’s torn between asking Ruby if there’s a room upstairs for she and Killian to have sex in and throwing her arm in the air so that her fist collides with Killian’s face.

Of course, she could do both, but she is not going to sleep with him simply because the universe is so insistent on the two of them getting laid.

Best (not) laid plans and all that.

She needs another cup of coffee because she has lost it and caffeine cures all things, right?

Maybe it’ll kill the murderous urges she’s having right now. She should definitely not be having any of this.

Huffing, she takes the paper towel roll and walks back to the booth, needing to clean up the spill and get away from Killian as he flirts with Ruby. She can still hear him, will not be able to get his voice out of her head until they’re in separate buildings, but instead of murdering him (she is supposed to uphold the law after all), she focuses all of her rage at drying down the table and the seat.

“You okay?” Ariel asks.

“I’m fine.”

“Fine never means fine.”

“It does this time, okay? I’m fine. I’m just dandy. Perfect. I’ve never been better.”

“Then maybe don’t rip a hole in Granny’s seat,” Ariel soothes, reaching over to grab onto her hand. “It’s just a little spilled water. It’s really no big deal.”

She sighs, unable to think of anything else before she plops down on the seat again, not caring that it’s still a little damp. Her food is probably lukewarm by now, but she still wants to finish off her onion rings at least, trying not to stew in her anger, irritation, and the goddamn desire that is still driving her crazy and making her feel like she’s actually on fire, the spilled water doing nothing to drown it out.

She really hopes that Ruby doesn’t say anything about she and Killian flirting with each other. She doesn’t really think she was flirting, but that’s totally what it was. And maybe, just maybe, Ruby will be too busy flirting with Killian herself to remember to tell all of their friends what she overheard them talking about.

Boy does she hope so.

For the last ten minutes of her lunch break she finishes eating her barely warm food and orders a coffee to go. She’s exhausted, and she needs some kind of pick me up to make this better. She needs coffee. When Ruby brings her cup to her, it’s wrapped in a white paper napkin, the protective holder keeping it in place.

“Tall, dark, and handsome told me to tell you that it was on him.”

“Did he poison it?”

“No,” Ruby laughs, looking at her and then at Ariel’s empty seat that she vacated to run to the bathroom before they head back to their offices, “he did not poison it because he’s not trying to kill you. I’m actually pretty sure that you intrigue him, which is a feat in and of itself for the eternal bachelor.”

“You intrigue him as well.”

“I intrigue everyone, my sweet Emma,” Ruby sighs before patting her on the shoulder and walking away so that Emma is left with her thoughts and her coffee.

And this napkin that she’s sure Killian left for her as some kind of passive aggressive taunt for spilling her drink when really he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

In case you spill your coffee.

PS: Do you match your underwear as well as you match your socks? They do sell undergarments in matching pairs, you know? I could recommend a few places.

Your secret admirer.

Cheeky bastard.

[illumelilac]

Old Flames - Part 2

Guess who’s back? It’s me bitch! Please let me know what you guys think, this has been in the works for forever, and I’m hoping to start getting the chapters out a little more consistently! Anyways, thanks to @infiniteshawn because she’s great and ya’ll should go check out her story Since We’re Alone because I’m honestly obsessed with it! <3

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Steaminess/Swearing/Fluff

It was nearing midnight. She had been catching him up on all he had missed at home as they toasted marshmallows and listened to the forest come alive around them. They had moved closer to one another as the night progressed, until they were practically on top of each other, snuggled up under the stars. Shawn had managed to find himself slightly tipsier than usual, giggling at the random things she was saying. He found his attention wavering between her words and her tantalizing mouth. She often made it difficult for him to think coherently but with alcohol in the mix, he was having a really tough time. 

She had noticed this of course. He looked tired, his eyes hooded and warm. He resembled a small kitten ready to curl up and take a nap. His hair was all mused and messy from running his fingers through it so much. Perhaps she was selfish, because although he was tired, she couldn’t bring herself to send him to bed. 

“I really missed this,” He mumbled out of nowhere. They had been sitting in silence the last few moments, watching the fire crackle and pop in front of them. 

“Me too,” She agrees with a sigh. The embers between them were caught up in a slow burn. And as cliche would have it, they were completely oblivious to their own feelings. 

“Do you ever wonder how all this happened?” 

“All the time…”

He felt the swarm of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach; he was so close to bursting and unleashing all of the winged beasts that have been devouring him from the inside out. His heart felt as if it were a volcano erupting, the hot molten lava climbing up his throat and spilling from his lips. His mind felt hazy, warm and numbed with desire. He could feel the overwhelming waves of lust hit him as he drew deep breathes, inhaling her intoxicating aroma. Although he was nervous, he also had found his peace. She was his safe space. She had always been his shoulder, his rock, his whatever he needed. She was always there. His best friend. As he held her in his arms, he felt a sort of serenity, he had been longing for since the moment he had left. 

“I think about calling you all the time.” He murmured quietly. “Just so I never forget what your voice sounds like.”

She giggled while grabbing his hands to place them over her eyes. She was blushing, her cheeks rosy and supple. Just like her ass could be after a nice spanking. 

“You don’t have to worry about that stuff. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Of course, he knew this, but he loved how the words fell from her pretty lips. He could just imagine her lips exploring different parts of his body. How she’d kiss and lick and tease him. He swallowed thickly, the air around him suddenly feeling a lot warmer. Maybe it was the fire that was finally having an effect him, or the fact it was August and he was wearing three layers of clothes to protect himself from the mosquitoes. Whatever it was, Shawn had a feeling it was something substantially more dangerous than the two options he was considering. He tried not fidget, under her weight, as his mind start running wild with wickedly sickening images of her. Images that would prove to keep him awake at night. As his imagination fell deeper and deeper into her innocent traps, he couldn’t find it within himself to ruin the moment they were having, even though he could feel what was coming. He knew the moment she placed her hand on his arm, that he was a goner. His pants were starting to feel extremely tight, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before she noticed. 

Her eyes were immediately fixated on his mouth, as she watched his fiendish tongue roll back and forth to wet his very tempting lips. The sinful things she could imagine that mouth doing. She’d never admit it to him, but every time he’d let out some crude language or he’d subconsciously bite his bottom lip, she would have to squeeze her thighs together a little tighter. She loved imagining how that mouth would work for her, how it would feel brushing against hers, only to summon filthier fantasies that only he could ever fulfill. Shawn clears his throat, breaking away from his thoughts of her that were proving to completely consume him. 

“It just feels like something has been missing lately. Wherever I am. Whatever I’m doing, there’s something holding me back from getting lost in the moment. Y’know?” He whispered, the silence overtaking his senses. They were adrift, mindlessly floating through their own intimate galaxy, two shooting stars, destined to collide in an explosive and passionate eventuality. 

“Did you ever figure out what it was?” She asked, fixed in the moment, and desperately awaiting his answer. Her fingers dance with his, tangling together like grape vines and locking together. They had held hands before, plenty of times over the years, but this time everything seemed different, more intimate. Shawn wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, or the moment itself that inspired him to do what he did next, but he leaned down pecking the side of her neck gently. 

Slightly thrown off by his sudden movements, she gasped, clutching his hand a little tighter. It falls quiet between them, both stunned and holding their breaths, trying to read the others expression. Shawn, overwhelmed by what he just did, he blinks repeatedly, his mouth drying up. Now, plagued with a new found insatiable curiosity, he leans down again, this time slower. He exhales softly, the cool breeze rolling off her neck causing her to shiver. 

He smiles, a ray of sunshine beaming from his face, positively giddy at the new discoveries he’s made. He leans in closer intrigued by her previous reactions, and tenderly kisses the base of her neck. She whimpers very quietly, as his hot lips make contact with her skin. It was so soft, he was left wondering if he had actually heard anything at all. She looks at him, heart beating out of her chest. Her focus shifts from his mouth to his eyes, and back again. She tries to read the situation, make sense of what was happening, but there was really no use. The pair shift closer together - their faces angled perfectly in order to provide the other with their complete and undivided attention. Their eyes meet in a heated gaze that leaves the surface of their skin scorched and wanting. That’s when she knew it was over for her. There was no more holding back. If he was going to continue to look at her like this, she was going to need to get tested for high blood pressure. 

Shawn could feel it too. The electricity vibrating between them, causing his hair to stand on end and his heart to skip a beat. Leaning in very slowly, their noses brushing together, and their lips meeting in a swift peck. Shawn notices how her eyes fill with this curious desire and he can feel his impulses bubbling to the surface. He wants this so badly. How come he had never done this before? She exhales shakily, the reflection of the fire flickering in her eyes. Shawn brings his hand up slowly to caress her cheek softly. He remembers back in the ninth grade. The same actions seemed so friendly back then, back when Toby Andrews had stood her up at the homecoming dance. They sat on her front porch side by side and she cried in his shoulder. She had looked radiant that night, even with tears in her eyes. If only he had gotten the chance to ask her himself. Maybe they would have found themselves here sooner...

Shawn lets his thumb rub across her bottom lip, pulling it down slightly as he lets out nervous breath. As their eyes meet, they silently agree on what is about to happen. It was obvious at this point that they were both feeling something, and having a very difficult time trying to control what it was. With the silence looming over them, she goes for it. She reaches her hands out for his face, pulling him close and pressing her lips to his in a heated kiss. 

Without breaking the kiss, she moves the blanket off of them quickly. His hands move to her waist and she shifts herself to straddle his lap. Her fingers knot themselves into his messy curls, tugging occasionally and causing some beautiful noises to tumble from his sinful mouth. He grazes her bottom lip with his teeth, before tugging and sucking on it gently.

Their kisses fill with fervor, before Shawn breaks and starts trailing wet, open-mouth kisses along her jaw and down her neck. She moans again softly, causing him to completely break into smiles. He giggles slightly, loving how she responds to him. 

“Will you cut it out. Stop laughing at me,” she pouts and he gently nibbles on her ear.

“No can do. You’re adorable.” He says pecking her on the lips quickly, before heading back to her jaw and sucking harshly, causing her eyes to flutter and her toes to curl. His hands then move from her waist till they settle on her firm bottom. “God, I’ve always wanted to do this,” He mutters before sticking his hands in the back pockets of her jeans and pulling her impossibly closer, gaining just enough friction on his now very hard member. He groans quietly, letting his head fall back slightly. She smiles slightly at this, realizing that he’s set himself up now. He knows she loves teasing him, even though before now it’s always been friendly teasing. Obviously he should have assumed that would carry on into the intimate scene as well. She decides to test it out, to see how much she can rile him up. She grinds against him, rocking slightly, just to get a reaction. Shawn’s eyes widen, as his hands find purchase once again on her hips. He sucks in a deep breath, holding on for dear life as he tries to keep himself from crumbling beneath her. He moves to peck her lips once again. 

“As much as I’d like to stay out here with you all night, the mosquitoes are really bad,” he says between kisses. She giggles as he moves to get up, her moving off of him in the process, and he holds out his hand to help her up. She accepts his hand, as making it to her feet when suddenly Shawn scoops her up, throwing her over his shoulder. They both laugh wildly as she demands that he put her down. He spins around, occasionally pretending to almost drop her or making loose threats to throw her in the lake. 

“Shawnnnnn stop! I’m going to be sick!” She exclaims between fits of laughter. He decides he’s had enough fun and makes his way inside and puts her down once they cross the threshold. 

“In some places that would make us married,” he winks at her, still laughing from before. 

“Oh my god. No, it wouldn’t!” She laughs, grabbing him and kissing him again. 

“Close the door. You’re letting bugs in.” 

“Hey! You kissed me! Sorry, I was a little distracted,” he defends, chest heaving and cheeks rosy with happiness. 

“Fine, I’ll do it myself,” she says as she presses him against the door closing it in the process. She was an addict, in need of her next hit. He was her drug, more powerful than any known narcotic she could think of. He possessed this unexplained ability to light all of her senses on fire and cause her skin to tingle with an insatiable hunger. She starts leaving a trail of kisses down his neck, gently grazing her teeth and sucking harshly, causing his knees to quake beneath him. He gasps for air as his heart beat a mile a minute, completely wrapped up in her wicked inferno. 

“It was you. Yo-you were missing,” he stammers.

[selfship-uncharted]

The Fugitive part XIV

part I - part II - part III - part IV - part V - part VI - part VII - part VIII - part IX - part X - part XI - part XII - part XIII - part XIV

A/N: So sorry for the delay, had to finish some commissions, also holidays and didn’t have much time. A/N2: English is not my first language. Pairing: Arthur Morgan x OC (Claire Russell) Warnings: might contain spoilers from chapter 3 and on Words: 2,964 Tags: @asiramhera @missdictatorme @zoilalove213   @avast-you-dirty-dog @lowkeyofsassguard

Special thanks to @asiramhera for being my beta-reader. Tons of love for you!

Claire woke up alone in Arthur's bed, she didn't realize when he left or what time it was. She got up to see the photo of that young woman in its place but the letter that was there last night wasn't there anymore. She had a bad feeling about it.

Lazily she got up and went outside. The gang members were doing their chores or taking a rest but there was no sign of Arthur or his horse.

The voices of Tilly and Mary-Beth caught Claire’s attention. She got near the girls who were knitting and sewing. They were talking about Arthur and a woman named Mary.

“Who is Mary?” Claire couldn’t help but ask fearing about the answer.

The two girls were startled by the sudden interaction. They exchanged looks but neither of them said anything. They looked back at Claire with an apologetic look.

“Oh! You don't know who dear Mary Linton is?” Karen appearing from nowhere rested her weight on Claire's back, pressing her big breast against her, wrapping the ginger girl in her arms, holding a bottle of whiskey. “And we thought you were so close to our Arthur and you don't even know who Mary Linton is. Poor girl!” Karen mockingly caressed Claire cheek who was getting uneasy of all that physical contact. “And what a bastard is Arthur Morgan.” She took a long sip from her bottle like that was a toast.

“Karen, please!” Mary-Beth stood up trying to free Claire from Karen's embrace. “You are drunk, again, and saying inappropriate things…”

Karen released Claire in a sarcastic laugh. “She will soon join me when she sees her little Arthur is not as hers as she believes…”

Karen went away tottering to one side and the other. The three young women saw her with pity in her eyes. Since Sean’s death, she drank too often.

“So, who is Mary Linton?” Claire asked again losing her patience.

Mary Linton was Arthur's first love, they met when they were pretty young but they were ready to marry each other. She broke his heart when she gave in to his father's wishes and married another man, richer and cleaner, legally speaking.

Many years had passed and now Mary, being widowed sent letters to Arthur who after all those years has stayed single and kept her photo on his tent.

A sarcastic smile drew on Claire's face when she grabbed the hay bale for the horses. She felt even more ridiculous when a tear ran down her cheek.

“Geez, Claire, don't be stupid…” She let fall down the bale on the ground and dried her tear trying to convince herself there wasn't a big deal.

“What a pity to see a beautiful lady crying.” She turned around startled seeing Dutch in front of her. “What's the matter, sweetheart?”

“Oh, nothing…” She dismissed him.

“Did someone do something to you?” He asked getting closer. “If someone is bothering you don't hesitate to tell me.”

“It's okay, really, nothing important.” Dutch was extremely close for Claire's taste.

“Don't underplay the matters, if that made you cry it must be important.”

“I… I don't really want to talk about it…” she said fearing he could get angry.

“It's okay, darling.” Dutch smiled at her removing a lock of ginger hair from her face to the back of her ear. “Just want to make sure you are all right, with us.” Dutch eyes were intensely staring at her making her uneasy. He suddenly gave her more space. “I hear you went hunting with Charles and Mrs Adler.” Claire nodded. “They said you did well. Mr Pearson was happy with what you brought him.” Dutch took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, he took a deep puff from it, slowly exhaling the smoke between his lips. Claire just stood there not knowing what to do or what to say, that man, Dutch Van der Linde made her anxious, it was difficult for her to tell what he was thinking. “Say, Claire, 'cause I can call you Claire, right?” Claire slowly nodded. “Or do you prefer Mrs Cornwall?” Claire froze in her place, unexpectedly Dutch knew of her real identity and wasn't sure if that was good news. If she remembered correctly Arthur told her she said her father’s surname to Dutch, he also believed in wasn’t a good idea to talk about her relationship with Cornwall.

Dutch took another sip of his cigarette and raised his eyes to her again smirking, happy to have caught her off guard. “Don't you worry, Claire, I trust you. Because I can trust you, can't I?” He threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it not taking his eyes from her like he was trying to send her a message.

Claire gulped and pressed her lips. She took a deep breath and tried to recover herself. She crossed her arms in front of her and eyed him.

“That depends on how your trust is of use for me.” Dutch looked at her surprised, he didn’t expect that comeback. Claire held his stare not willing to give up.

Dutch burst into laugh. “What are you doing with Arthur?”

“What do you mean?” She asked confused with the sudden change of subject.

“You are romantically involved, right?” Dutch eyed her waiting for her reaction.

“I guess…” Claire looked away, the name of Mary Linton came back to her mind. It also was the first time someone asked her about her relation with Arthur, relation which she ignored the current status.

“How a beautiful young smart Lady like you is with him?”

“Are you implying he is not smart? Or that… I might be using him?” Claire narrowed her eyes.

“I don’t know, what would you say?” Dutch shrugged his shoulders and leaned his head to her trying to play the innocent.

“What do you want from me, Mr Van der Linde?” She finally asked losing her patience, she wanted that riddle to be over as soon as possible.

Dutch smiled at her widely but still didn’t say any word.

“What do I have to do to trust me?” She sighed defeated.

“I want you to talk me about that Cornwall information you were going to give to Arthur.” His smile disappeared from his face standing in front of the young girl a few inches of her.

***

Dutch let her in first in the big living room of the abandoned manor. A wooden table stood in the middle of it with some chairs. Micah was sitting in one of them resting his feet on the table reading the newspapers.

Micah folded the papers when he saw Claire and Dutch entering the room.

“Ah, Mrs Cornwall!” He exclaimed with false surprise. He threw the newspapers in the table for her to see. A photo of herself with her married name was in one column announcing her disappearance. The news said Mr and Mrs Cornwall were attacked by criminals while having their morning walk. They badly beat Mr Cornwall who was still recovering at his house from the injuries and took Mrs Cornwall away, still the motive was unknown since a ransom wasn't on demand. The police were trying to find clues about the whereabouts of Mrs Cornwall, they didn’t lose faith they would find her alive.

Claire tried to not show any kind of emotion while reading it, especially feeling Micah’s gaze studying her.

“What do you want from me?” Claire set aside the newspapers like it didn't affect her in any way.

“We know that bastard of Cornwall has a lot of money.” Started Micah walking in front of Claire. “We want it.”

Claire sighed and took a step back, she didn't like Micah Bell and to have him that close repulsed her.

“We know you were going to give Arthur some information.” Continued Dutch.

The young lady leaned on the table crossing her arms in front of her. Micah impatiently walked around the room.

“What do I gain in return?” She eyed the gang leader.

“Insolent bitch!” Dutch raised his hand to stop Micah who was ready to jump on Claire.

“Protection.” He answered leaning on the table by her side, nearly touching her shoulder with his. “Safety. A family. Freedom.” That last word he said it whispering to her ear making her shiver. “I guess you don't want to go back with the Cornwalls…”

His insinuation got her right away. Of course, she didn’t want to go back to Theodore. And after what happened, it was not the best idea. Theodore would take revenge on her, for abandoning him, humiliating him and letting him be beaten by a buffoon… how he called him.

Claire studied Dutch’s face, but he didn’t show any emotion or any of his thoughts. He was serious, so if she didn’t help them, Dutch might just take her back to Cornwall, and she wasn’t sure Arthur would be able to do anything to stop him.

“Okay…” she said defeated. “Before leaving that house I heard the Cornwalls talking about a cargo from the Oil Field to be sold at Saint-Denis port. For how they talked I can say it was quite secretive and it got a lot of money involved.” The two men observed the ginger girl with attention. “Sadly, I don’t have more information, but…” she did a little pause eyeing first at Micah who was going to protest and then back at Dutch who was just staring at her waiting for what she had to say. “I might know someone who can help me with that.”

“Who?” Micah asked impatiently.

“I’m not gonna tell. Especially not to you.” She spat out.

Micah stepped quickly to her and grab strongly her neck with one hand. Claire couldn’t breathe, she grabbed his wrist trying to free herself by digging her nails in his flesh but his grip was strong, his eyes full of hatred.

“Micah!” Dutch ordered him to let her go.

“She is playing us, Dutch! Don’t you see it?” Micah slowly raised Claire onto the tip of her toes while she fought him.

“Micah, let. Her. Go.” Dutch repeated not very nicely.

Micah groaned but obeyed.

Claire fell on her knees coughing to recover her breath when Micah released his grip. Dutch held her by her shoulders to help her stand.

“I’m sorry for this incident, Mrs Cornwall, my friend here has no proper manners.” Dutch apologised to her being suddenly formal.

Claire touched her neck which was burning from Micah’s fingers pressing against her skin seconds ago.

Dutch accompanied her outside the stance.

“About that contact of yours…” insisted Dutch.

“I will deal with it…” She replied in a cough.

“Good.” Dutch nodded. “And again, I’m so sorry.”

***

Arthur arrived late at night at the camp. He could hear some of his friends singing around the bonfire to his favourite songs. He got close to them and was ready to start singing too when he spotted Claire holding a beer and dancing with the other girls.

“But, what is a Ring-dang-doo?” Claire asked bumping into Mary-Beth having troubles to walk straight when everyone started to sing the chorus of the song.

Mary-Beth looked at her and giggled covering her lips.

“You are such an innocent creature…” Karen’s arms wrapped her in an embrace holding her from behind. The blond woman then whispered the lyrics to her ear while her hand started roaming to Claire’s body. “Soft and round like pussy cat, got a hole in the middle and split it in two,” Karen’s hand stopped at the crotch of Claire’s pants and with no shame, she squeezed it making the ginger girl bend forward protecting her delicates. “That’s what you call a Ring-dang-doo.” Karen burst into laugh when Claire fell on the ground with her legs closed and she joined Karen with a loose laugh.

“You ladies, surely know how to have fun, don’t you?” Claire lifted her eyes and found Arthur who was offering her his hand to help her to stand up.

“I ain’t need your help, ya old man!” Claire slapped his hand leaving Arthur confused.

Claire wanted to drink from her bottle but it was already empty.

“It’s empty!” She complained. “I need more beer!”

“You need to go to sleep.” Mary-Beth crouched by her side and help her stand up. “She is been drinking all afternoon with Karen.” She explained to Arthur. “Something must be bugging her but she doesn’t tell us.”

When Arthur tried to get her she moved away protesting. “Don't wanna go with ya, grumpy old man!”

“Maybe… this morning… we told her about Mary…” Mary-Beth dedicated to Arthur an apologetic smile like she felt responsible for what Claire made her want to get drunk.

“But… what…?” Arthur couldn’t formulate the question, he didn’t find the words but Mary-Beth understood Arthur’s doubts. How could Mary affect Claire in any way?

“Oh come on, Arthur, she clearly has a thing for you.” Those words took Arthur by surprise. Did Claire really feel something for him? No, it couldn’t be, why she would?

“No, I don’t!” Claire clumsily protested holding Mary-Beth tightly. “I love Mary-Beth, not that grumpy old man.”

Arthur bit his bottom lip feeling like he messed it up this time. He bent forward and load Claire like a sack of potatoes. “Time to go to bed.” Before going to the manor he turned to Mary-Beth. “Thank you, Mary-Beth.” He said for her taking care of Claire.

“Put me down, ya old man!!” Protested Claire kicking in the air and punching his back.

“No way. You’r comin’ with me.” Arthur held her tighter to prevent her from falling on her face. “You’ve drunk enough for one night.”

Arthur walked to the front door but with the movement, he made Claire even dizzier.

“I'm gonna puke…” She said but the warning came too late.

Arthur rapidly let her on the ground but she already had vomit on his shirt.

“Jesus, kid! How much have you drank?” Arthur patted and rubbed her back and held her hair like he did not so long ago. Then he noticed, there was little light but he clearly saw the marks on her neck. “Hey, what's that?”

“Nothing...” she set his hand aside.

“What's the matter, Claire?” He asked worriedly.

“Nothing…” she repeated wrapping herself in her own arms.

Arthur made her look at him by gently turning her face to him. But Claire once again pushed away his touch.

A groan escaped him, bothered and impatient. He took her in his arms despite her protests and carried her to his room.

“Put me down!” She tried to push him away but his grip was strong.

“Yes, I know ‘grumpy old man’” He replied annoyed.

He left her on his bed where she curled herself between the sheets giving him her back.

Arthur looked at her, troubled, he felt like she didn’t want him there, near her, he felt rejected. Of course, why would she want him near? She was young, beautiful and graceful, while he was old, ugly and grumpy.

The sour smell from his shirt disturbed him. He needed to clean himself, he went to the door.

“Where are you going?” She asked suddenly turning at him seeing him go.

“This grumpy old man needs a change of clothes and a place to sleep.” He answered bitterly not looking at her.

“Don’t go, Arthur!” She called him but the cowboy already left.

Claire let herself fall on the cushion feeling stupid for being the one who pushed him away. She turned to face the wall to hide her tears. Her head was aching, her throat was sour, she felt dizzy for all the alcohol she drank and she felt extremely stupid and helpless.

Minutes later Arthur came back in the room bringing with him a glass of water for her, but when he saw she was sleeping he left the glass on the night table beside the bed. He removed his dirty shirt and threw it on the floor.

“Why is it that everywhere I go… I feel… trapped?” She whispered in a trembling voice.

Arthur looked at her back surprised of hearing her, he slowly sat on the bed trying to look at her face. Her eyes were locked on the wall in front of her, dried tears traced her cheeks covered with freckles. Arthur, slowly and afraid, removed a lock of hair from her face to the back of her ear, this time Claire didn’t push him away and Arthur could release the breath he was holding.

Claire took his hand to bring it to her lips and kissed it softly.

Arthur didn’t dare to say a word but he was worried, he wanted to know what was bugging her, especially after what she said.

“He knows…” she bitterly added. Arthur looked at her not understanding what she meant. She sat on the bed to face him not releasing his hand but she felt tired and the alcohol didn’t help her to speak straight... “Dutch knows... he called me…” She rubbed her eyes trying to find the words. “In the newspapers… there was a photo… of Mrs Cornwall…” Arthur finally understood. “Dutch wants information…. About… you know... I… before…. Before coming here… that damn cargo... “

“It’s okay. I understand.” Arthur held her against his chest. “We will talk about this tomorrow.”

Arthur’s jaw tensed. He felt angry with himself to have been away when all that happened. He didn’t think Dutch would know about her at least, not so fast.

“Where have you been?” She asked in a murmur burying her face in his chest. “I missed you…”

“Closing old wounds…” He whispered but she was already asleep to hear his answer.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Silent Sing, Chapter 27 (The End)

Grab some tissues. This is it- the last chapter. I'll keep this short- I save most of my rambling for comments and Tumblr. This story has been my life for the passed six months since I began posting it on Tumblr. I set out to write this story without any confidence that I could do the idea justice. I didn't think I was good enough. Yet here we are, the final chapter. It hasn't always been easy to write this story, I've shed more then a few tears over this story and I'm a bit emotional now but I did it. I found my feet and my confidence and I can't wait to share more stories with you all in the future. I can't even begin to say how humbled I am to have had you all on this ride with me and I hope to see you're names again as I post my future works. Much love as always, Kit

**edited to add because I’m an idiot- Thank you @nekoamamori for the sweet words and assistance with this chapter. You’ve been a life saver and I still read the words you assisted with and cry**

Masterlist, Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26,

Hotaru pulled the threads of herself together. She was stretched far across the world and now she knew that she couldn’t be any longer. They needed her. She needed them. It was time that she became one being again and went to them.

It was hard to control where she gathered. It took all her effort to make sure she gathered in a place where she could feel them close by. Still, she felt the urge to spread even as she fought it. The temptation to remain everywhere and nowhere was great. The temptation to keep the knowledge of all she knew was great.

Now wasn’t the time for such things, she knew. It wasn’t her time. When the time came, she would be in the place of warmth and light with those who loved her and she would be as she was intended to be. She had but only wait for her time to come. Now was the time to be with them. Now was the time to be with him. She wondered if that was true or if she had simply wished it to be so. Did it really matter if it was true? What she did know was that she wanted to be with them, with him again.

As more of her gathered into one place she could feel the knowledge slipping from her. Reaching out with fingers that were not yet opaque she scratched at the moss on the tree. It was a very real risk that when she was formed again, she wouldn’t remember in what direction her family was.

What she would be or remember when she was solid again was unknown. It wasn’t the only thing that became unknown to her and as she became more solid the fear built more and more. She didn’t want to forget. She didn’t want to not know things again. Not knowing things was frightening.

With the newly returned ability, she pulled a deep breath into her newly created lungs in an effort to calm herself. It worked some even as she kept most of her attention focused on the task of gathering herself together in a very literal sense. Around her she could see the blue fireflies coming from all directions but as each became one with her it became harder and harder to see from their eyes.

To be as she needed to be would cost her so much, yet she knew it was a price she had to pay. A sigh escaped her lips as she felt whole again. Not all the blue bugs had joined into her, some floated through the air around her but she knew that they where her and she was them. They were a part of her and would do as she commanded.

Looking around with new eyes, she didn’t recognize the forest any longer. The air smelled fresh and foreign. Simple dark blue flats covered her feet when she looked down to see why she didn’t feel the dirt.

Why wasn’t she dead? Where was she? Hotaru tried to remember, tried to fight off the panic as she looked around. Her breath came in white puffs but the chill was hardly of note to her. She would have preferred to have a blanket around her shoulders or a coat to wear but she’d not freeze to death. When she tired to remember why she wouldn’t freeze it took effort for it to come into her mind. She was no longer human.

Reaching out, she traced her fingertips over the moss that had been partially ripped from the tree. It was a sign, she knew even as she couldn’t place as what. It scared her. She knew that not even an hour ago she knew these things and so much more but now she had forgotten. Hotaru also knew that she had made the choice to forget. The cost of her knowledge was worth what she was gaining. It was something she had to trust in.

A blue firefly caught her eyes and she was surprised. Fireflies had never been blue before. It was unnatural but important. She knew that much. With a deep breath she tried to focus. The blue bug was her and while she had forgotten, they would show her the way.

She had to trust in it. She had to trust in herself. It was absolutely terrifying to do so however. With a deep breath she placed her trust in the bug and in herself. She had to have left the bugs separate from herself for a reason.

One foot in front of the other drew her onward. Each step became easier. The forest around her was beautiful and so she took what comfort she could in that. Pushing passed a tree with fluffy moss hanging down, it tickled her nose and made her sneeze.

The sound surprised her. Thinking on it, it probably shouldn’t have. She had no aches or pains from where she had been beaten. Nothing on her ached, not even her feet. This body was new and the realization brought a joy to her heart. A laugh spilled from her lips and bubbled into the air around her.

She didn’t know how long she had walked or how much distance she had covered. It was as if a fog clouded her mind and she was fighting to think clearly. As long as she followed the blue fireflies it would be okay. They would lead her to where she needed to be. They would lead her home.

It had been a long night. None left, none slept for even a moment. Some couldn’t bear to look, to watch the fire consume her. At times some had sought comfort in one another. Soft touches, firm hugs and the reassuring presence of friends that had become family.

The fire burned long into the night and Loki stood stock still most of the time, eyes locked on the flames. Thor rested his hand firmly on his shoulder. It was a comfort Loki never thought he would accept yet the animosity he held toward his elder brother was a shadow of what it had once been.

It was forgiven. That was the gift she had offered. He would move on clutching her memory so as to never forget that strength of her forgiveness. With it, he would forge a new path leaving past hurts and aggression both behind and what would come of it would only be known in time.

It wouldn’t always be easy, Loki knew. He also knew that she had lightened the weight he had to carry. It was her wish. It was her gift. Though at times he may not want to, he had to move on with the slate wiped clean. Each of them had to.

He would give anything to have the weight back if it meant he could see her again.

It was nearly midday when the embers cooled and everything was reduced to nothing but ash.

“What now?” Tony asked, breaking a silence that had lasted for hours.

“It is not yet done.” Loki crouched down, resting his fingertips on the edge of the scorched ground.

With little effort, he pulled together the ashes from the burned wood and formed them into a clay of sorts. Threads of his magic pushed and pulled at the lump of clay until it was what he needed it to be. A flash of green fire lit from the air and when it winked out of existence, the urn was complete however unglazed.

It didn’t remain for long in its plain state. The surface of it shimmered as the surface changed into a deep green with gold accents. A glossy glaze covered it and green fire bloomed into existence around the urn again before winking out. It was finished.

When she reached the edge of the forest Hotaru could just see them. She watched as they dug into the ground. They worked together and thought she wanted to go to them, it felt as if her feet were rooted in place. All she could do was watch. She could see their love in how they set about the tasks.

While the team dug a deep hole, Loki set about planting a tree. Alder, just as the wood he had burned her body on. His threads of power pushed and urged it to grow strong and tall. Under it he began pulling the ashes of the burnt alder into another clay. This one he formed into a statue. All the while, she watched on from just beyond the treeline.

Under the tree she sat, back against the wood made of stone. Before she would have not recognized the woman made of stone as herself. It was different now that she had the chance to see herself as they did.

Blue fireflies danced around them. Some landed on the figure of her. Some danced around where she stood just beyond the treeline. They offered comfort in their way as she watched from the distance.

Loki nodded when Tony picked up the urn. While it was his right as her love to prepare her rights, it was her blood family’s right to set her in the ground. While Loki wanted to do it all himself but it wasn’t his place and so he directed Tony on what to do

“I love you, Lil Bit.” Tony whispered as he clutched the smooth urn to his chest after Loki had filled it with all that remained of her. Tony had to trust that it was as Loki said, purely her inside. Tears dripped onto it as he struggled to take calming breaths. Now wasn’t the time to break down. “I’ll make you proud.”

The wind took his words to her ears as she watched. Still her feet refused to move. It wasn’t the right time yet, she knew though how she couldn’t say. It was the way of things for her now and she had to trust in it. She would know when it was right.

Once the urn was settled into the hole, they looked again to Loki for direction. Kneeling, he took a fistful of dirt and tossed it in. Then he tossed another in. Taking the hint, the team joined in filling the hole slowly by hand.

As they worked, Thor took his place in front of the hole. Kneeling he took one handful of dirt and tossed it in before standing tall again. Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. With a deep and measured voice he let the words pour forth.

“Lo, There do I see my Father

Lo, There do I see my Mother and

My Brothers and my Sisters

Lo, There do I see the line of my people back to the beginning

Lo, They do call to me

They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla

Where thine enemies have been vanquished

Where the brave shall live Forever

Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death.”

Everyone was silent as Thor’s words sat heavy on their hearts. The meaning of them was clear even if they didn’t know the ceremonial weight behind them. Thor looked to Loki and nodded. Moving to the side, he took to his knees and tossed in another handful of dirt while Loki moved to stand in the place vacated by Thor and like Thor he squared his shoulders and began to speak.

“My dearest one,” Loki paused, steeled himself as a single tear fell. He wasn’t prepared for this. He would never have been prepared for this, even thousands of years from now and yet he had to continue. This had to be done. He had to say what needed to be said here and now. There was no more time. There was no lying or tricking his way out of this.

His Light deserved so much better than tricks and lies regardless. She deserved his truth and his emotions. For once in his life finding the right thing to say was nearly beyond his capabilities. He had to do it anyway. So he gathered the courage to use his silver tongue and forced the words to come, force his soul to bear itself to her one final time.

    “My darling Hotaru,” he started again “There are so many things I could say to you here and now, and none of them would be the right thing. No mere words could repair the pain your loss has cost any of us, has cost you most of all. No words in any of the nine realms can express my remorse at failing you. No words can express the depth of my sorrow. Nothing can describe the hole in my heart where your light used to be. You were my heart, my darling, my life, my light, and it is my fault that light is gone. I failed you, my love. I failed you and the Norns themselves weep for the loss of the light your brought to all of us. I pray that you found the land of Valhalla, my darling, my love. The Allfather would be a fool not to welcome you to his realm,” he paused again.

He fought for breath, fought for the control he needed to keep his tears at bay just a little longer. There were more things that needed to be said. Just a little longer. A little longer and he could mourn, could let his soul bleed for his loss. “I hope beyond all reason, beyond all expectation, that if I somehow earn a place in the land of Valhalla you might one day forgive me for failing you so. I swear to you, my darling, that I will fight with all that I am with all of my power, skill, and being to be worthy to join you in Valhalla, if only to grovel at your feet for your forgiveness.”

When he finished speaking he dropped to a knee again and tossed another handful of dirt into the hole. “There will never be a moment where you are no longer in my thoughts, where you no longer hold my heart,” one more sentence. The worst one, but it needed said.

“Goodbye, My Light.”

While Loki spoke, none could dare bring their eyes up off the mound of dirt in front of his feet. They couldn’t stomach looking at him now that it was clear. Each blamed themselves. Each knew there were things they could have done differently. Each knew they had failed her. It was clear as day however as they sniffled and looked to the ground that none blamed themselves as much as Loki did.

After the silence stretched on Thor cleared his throat before softly speaking, “It is done.”

With a deep breath Hotaru stepped forward. Now was time. It was as if the fireflies were telling her this, though she had no reason to believe such. She simply had to trust. A few blue fireflies danced around the team. Others danced around her and lead her on. They showed her the way, urging her forward even as her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest.

Each step took her closer to them as she worked her way closer. Watching as she walked, she wondered if they would know her. She looked different now.

She wanted to call out to them but fear found itself rooted in her heart. They were hurt, mourning her. What if they thought she was a trick. What if she hurt them too much. What if she shouldn’t have come back? What if it was better for them to not go back?

The time for ‘what if’ had passed however as the blue bugs flew out in front of her. Dancing in front of the team’s eyes they battled for their attention. Sucking in a breath she tried to smile as they turned around.

“Who are you?” Tony called out to the woman that was walking up into the small clearing. “Private party.”

Hotaru couldn’t help but laugh. It felt good to see him again with her own eyes. To hear his voice. To listen to him sass someone even if she was the target at the moment.

Loki watched as blue fireflies danced in front of him. They seemed to be beckoning them. He needed to trust them but that didn’t stop him from reaching out to the woman who looked too familiar. His heart was beating out of his chest as he waited for confirmation of what he hoped was true.

It was too much to dare hope for. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be but it was. With the threads of his power dancing around her, touching her he couldn’t begin to deny it.

One step he didn’t remember taking took him closer. Then another. For a moment he wondered if he’d gone insane but he couldn’t argue what he knew. The others were saying things but he couldn’t make their words out over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears.

“Hotaru.” He breathed her name in shock.

“Loki?” The voice that came from the woman was music in his ears. It was so right and he knew it just as he knew the feel of her soul though he’d never heard the sound in his life.

“My Light.” He whispered.

Each step came faster and before he knew it he was running to her. It didn’t matter because she was running as best she could to meet him, though her legs didn’t take her across the ground nearly as fast as him. He didn’t slow as he approached. They crashed together as Loki threw his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet. Tucking his face into her shoulder he sucked in a shaking breath as she clutched him. He spun her once, then a second time before his legs gave out.

He didn’t let his grip weaken even as his knees hit the grass. Clutching her, he sat back and murmured her name over and over in her ear. Running his fingers through her smooth dark hair he took in the scent of her. It was different but under everything it was the same. She smelled fresh, like a running river.

Fireflies danced around them as they sat. Again and again he sent threads of his power over her. Again and again they told him what he already knew. He wasn’t dreaming. She was here. This was her. She was alive. She was healed.

“Loki.” She whispered his name as she wrote it on his leather covered back out of habit. God did it feel good to hear his name on her lips. It felt just as good for her to be able to say it.

“Little Light?” Thor knelt by his brother’s side. Loki was repeating her name as a chant, clutching the woman to his chest with his fingers tangled in her hair but it couldn’t be true. They’d just completed her rights. He had watched her body burn and turn to ash with his own eyes. “How?”

“Loki?” Tony questioned as the team reached him.

“They did it.” Strange answered. “They accomplished their goal, they made a God. Or in this case, a Goddess.”

“Svetlana?” Natasha crouched by the woman, locking eyes with her. The gray was brighter, almost blue. So different and yet somehow still the same.

“Nat.” She whispered, reaching out and grabbing the redhead’s hand as tears gathered in her eyes.

“Lil Bit?” Tony all but pushed Natasha aside. “Taru? Is that really you?”

“Yeah, Tony. It’s me.”

Loki shifted, finally giving her room to move in his lap. Turning to face Tony, she threw her arms around his neck as he held her tight even while she sat in Loki’s lap. Loki’s fingers traced the silver circlet that rested atop her head, drawing her attention back to them.

“Mother had one just like it.” Thor spoke Loki’s thought.

“Frigga loved you both dearly.” Hotaru reached up and ran her fingers over the smooth metal. “I didn’t want to leave her but she said I had to.” With a shake of her head she cleared the thoughts.

“You saw her?” Loki gaped.

“I did. She sent me back to you when I was unsure how to be.”

Loki’s hand slid down from the silver circlet in her hair to rest on her neck. His thumb softly caressed her jaw as he brought his forehead to rest against hers.

“I failed you. I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve a second chance.” His voice was soft and tight with the pain that still lived in his chest. While he felt he didn’t deserve to hold her, to have her back he couldn’t fathom letting go of her.

“Enough.” She kept her voice firm. “I heard you. I saw you. I was there.”

“What?” Tony questioned as Loki looked down at her.

“I was there. I was everywhere. I felt the cold of the river. I watched as you cared for me. I felt the fire. I watched it burn. You did it all yourself.” She couldn’t say why she felt the need to tell him this but she must. That way she knew things that she had no reason to know. It probably had a lot to do with the little blue firefly that was perched on her leg.

The look of panic on Tony’s face told her she didn’t speak what she intended to say well. It was odd to her, having a voice to say things. She’d have to learn to pick her words like she did before. If she spoke without thinking things could be misunderstood.

“No, it was good.” She reached out to Tony again, squeezing his arm to reassure him. “It was needed. If it wasn’t done, I couldn’t be here. I was… lost? I was everywhere and nowhere. I couldn’t be in one place because I couldn’t be her. She was dead and I needed to move on, become more but I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean, you’re not her? You’re my Hotaru… aren't you?” Tony’s walls came up startlingly fast but she was ready. It needed to be said.

“I am her. She is me. But I am different. She died. I live reborn.” And so begun the daunting task of trying to explain something she was just beginning to understand herself. What of the old Hotaru remained and who the new Hotaru is.  

Loki didn’t want to leave her but he had to speak to Tony. There were things that needed to be said. He stood tall as he shut the door to the conference room after the last of the team had left, closing him in with Tony alone.

“You need to buy me dinner first.” Tony joked though his voice gave hint of just how tired the man was. It was odd to him the way he simply didn’t have the instant fear reaction to the God any longer.

“I must speak to you as a man.” Loki stated simply, getting Tony’s attention.

“What’s up not-a-god-right-now Loki?” Tony really did find himself amusing. “What do you need to talk to me about without them?”

“Hotaru is different.” Loki stated simply.

“I know.” Tony Admitted. “She explained that. I just can’t wrap my head around it.”

“She’s reborn. Her form is a manifestation of her power. She is a goddess now.”

“And that means what, exactly? Because I look at her and she’s still my baby sister.”

“She can speak for starters. She is your sister but she is more now.”

“What does that even mean?” Tony snapped.

“She’s no longer of this world.”

“Just tell me.” Tony nearly yelled, snapping under the weight of the stress. It was something he had never would have braved directing toward Loki before but now that he didn’t have the shadow of fear it came easy.

“She’s immortal. Not every Asgardian was a god. Not all lived as long as we. She will.” The thought alone sobered Tony instantly. “She could find love here on Midgard but they’d die and she’d live on without them. She could find love somewhere else however. With someone who perhaps will be as long lived as she.”

“What are you getting at?” Tony sighed.

“I wish to court her properly with your blessing. We’ve not always seen eye to eye nor have we always been on the same side yet I ask this of you as her last blood, grant me your blessing.”

“And if I say no?”

“I’ll court her anyway.” Loki admitted, not even bothering to pretend to be ashamed of it.

“I want to blame you, you know that right?” Tony sipped his glass of water and the thought of whiskey was only a passing whim.

“It was my fault.”

“It wasn’t. At least not completely. We all fucked up. I can’t blame you without blaming myself and everyone else. If we’d done any number of things differently… but it doesn’t matter. That’s the thing- I think… I think Strange knew this was going to happen and it hurts like hell but I think it happened for a reason.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I think she had to die for you two be together. I’m saying that you’ve got my blessing. I’m saying that you can bet your ass that I’ll still kill you if you hurt her again.”

Loki nodded and turned sharply on his heel leaving Tony alone with his thoughts. Strange said it had to happen. Strange said there was no other way. He took two deep breaths and downed his glass of water. He had to put trust in the thought that everything would be okay.

The day was long and it seemed like they would never leave her side. It took urging to get them to leave her and get rest. She would be here when they woke, she promised. Never would she dream of leaving them again. It was weird to them for her to speak, to hear her speak.

Loki had been glued to her side the whole trip back to New York. Even in the tower he’d not leave her for a second. Eventually she was able to get them to leave her be long enough for them all to change, shower and complete their reports.

She needed that time alone to gather her thoughts. Even now she felt the pull to scatter apart. It would get easier with time, she knew. As she wondered the living space, she thought about Frigga. The woman was kind and now that she had met their mother Hotaru could she the shadow of the woman’s love in both her sons.

Turning, she faced the hall. “Hello, Loki.”

The sound of her voice was music to his ears. Never would there be a time when he grew tired of hearing her voice. It was something he never thought he would get to hear. He thought he had missed his chance. Now as he walked up to her in his formal Asgardian garb, he would not allow another chance to be lost.

She was so beautiful standing in front of the backdrop of large windows looking over the city. Clearly she was reborn a Goddess in her own right. He could feel the fearsome power that was contained within her but knew that she was not a warrior Goddess. He would see to it she knew how to defend herself though he wouldn’t allow her to ever need it.

The deep blue of her dress clung to her before flowing down her legs. It tapered, allowing her to walk without fear of tripping yet the back trailed just dusting the ground. It was wholly unpractical for walking through the woods as she had and far too beautiful to be standing around the tower in.

Atop her head still rested the circlet that had been his mother’s. Even now he struggled to wrap his mind around the fact that she had gone across the veil and spoken with his dear mother. She was strong enough to bring something back with her. The latent power within her easily rivaled that of Frigga. In time, perhaps the reason for the power would be revealed. It was just as possible that they could never know the reason she held such power within her.

“Am I like you now?” She asked softly as he stepped up to her. The chill of his hands as he ran them up the sides of her exposed arms were comforting. It was the same when there was so much that seemed different and so much she was still trying to figure out.

“In some ways, My Heart.” He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to possess her. He wanted to claim her. It felt like his heart would beat out of his chest for every moment he couldn’t lay claim. “In the ways that matter most.”

“I don’t understand. Everything is so different and not?” Hotaru took a shuddering breath. “What do I do?”

“Little Love,” He cooed, “I’ll teach you. I will always be there to guide you for so long as you want. Do not worry.”

“I’m scared.” She admitted.

“Of what?”

“That I’m not what they need me to be, what you need me to be.”

“Do not worry about such things. You must find who you are now. Do not worry about what you are to others. You must find who you are. I can teach you what you are but it is up to you to discover who you are.”

“This is who you truly are.” It was a statement of fact rather than a question and it caught him slightly off guard. He waited for the disgust. Surely she finally saw through him and would realize he wasn’t worth anything. He’d not even need to show her the true color of his skin to send her away. “A prince. Noble. But also, a kind man.”

Reaching out she rested her hand on his chest. Under the leather and silk she could feel his heart beating wildly against his ribs.

“Lady Hotaru Stark.” After taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves he dropped to a knee and took up her hand. “I, Loki son of Odin, Prince of Asgard, rightful King of Jotunheim, humbly ask that you might consider allowing me to begin a formal courtship.”

“I don’t know how?” She felt dumb as soon as the words left her.

“Just trust me and say yes so I can get up.” Loki instructed.

“Yes.” She answered dutifully and Loki would be lying if he tried to say he didn’t like how she still did as he said.

“I do the courting, there is nothing for you to do beyond decide if I am worthy-”

“You are.” Her interruption made him laugh.

“I still wish to court you as you deserve. You will answer if I am worthy when I ask.” He stressed and she nodded, biting her lip. There was so much she didn’t know, didn’t understand still but it felt right.

“Know that I love you, Little Light. I always will.” Loki rested his hand on her neck, fingers lost in her hair as he looked down at her. Her hands settled on his chest as she nodded.

‘I love you’ She wrote over his heart earning a smile from him, not voicing the words. It was a message meant just for him.

As his lips slowly met hers she felt surrounded by the chill of him. It was comforting. It felt like home and she knew she was right where she belonged. Around them blue fireflies danced to a silent song only they could hear.

Finally, Hotaru Stark had come home.

Tag list: @bambamwolf87, @dangertoozmanykids101, @alexakeyloveloki, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @purplekitten30, @theoneanna, @redryderdesigns, @excuse-you-dickwad, @sometimesiamhere, @missaphrodite23, @yougotakillyourmind, @insert-cool-and-edgy-title-here, @paanchu786, @fairlightswiftly, @j-u-s-t-4

This is it. Those of you not on other tag lists for Loki, Tom or everything- This is the last time I’ll be typing your name. I hope to see your names and faces while I keep writing. This isn’t goodbye- this is ‘see you later’. Again, much Love- Kit. 

[rwbyconversations]

A retrospective look on the second half of Volume 6

Just over a month and a half ago, I did a retrospective on the first half of Volume 6- everything from Adam’s short up to The Grimm Reaper. Now in hindsight if I’d known the season was getting cut down an episode I’d have done the analysis a week earlier so it would be perfectly symmetrical, but life comes at you fast. I adored the first half of Volume 6 and still rank it as the best string of episodes quality wise that the show has ever had. It was very clear even early on that the crew over in Austin were going all out to prove that they knew what they were doing and could still create a stellar season of a show. I was confident at the time that the back half would stick the landing, and while it wasn’t as good as the first half, Volume 6′s second half still retains the quality that makes it one of the best volumes of the entire show and a standout piece of animation by any standards.

As such, this will be a review of every episode from Chapters 8 to 13, spoilers obviously will follow if you haven’t watched those. 

Dead End- the stumbling block

So you know how I said in the retrospective for the first half of the volume that if chapter 8 was good than we’d get the longest uncut string of good episodes in all of RWBY? I’m pretty sure someone upstairs heard that and chose deliberately to make Chapter 8 the weakest episode of the season. There is good to be found here, but unfortunately every race has someone end up dead last and chapter 8 drew the short straw. 

While the opening scene with Caroline and her minions is funny at first, it quickly drags on for too long and desperately needed another few goes with a weed-whacker to condense the scene. Barring setting up Corvodin as an obvious antagonist little is gained from the scene, especially given how much of the episode it consumes. 

Jaune’s scene with Oscar remains... sketchy on a moral level, especially the accusation Jaune makes that Ozpin has been pretending to be Oscar the entire time. Jaune’s still not truly processed his grief over Pyrrha’s death and while I’m glad to see his anger at Ozpin return after it went missing in Volume 5, I think Jaune crossed the line when he decided to start manhandling Oscar. It’s also still really weird how outside of Yang and Weiss saying “Jaune!” with the concern you express when someone stubs their toe, no one actually runs over to pull Jaune off. It’s just a weird moment, I still don’t really like this scene or many of the defenses for it. Fuck’s sake, Oscar’s trembling like a leaf in a hurricane afterwards that stuff ain’t right. 

Ruby’s scene with Maria is the real saving grace of the episode, especially since we finally got some solid information on the Silver Eyes, accompanied by some wonderful background music and cinematography. Maria really is one of the best characters in the show and it’s amazing how much audiences grew to love her in just one single year, so kudos to the writers, designers and actors for that. Maria’s Semblance is simple but neat, and you can actually go back and listen to the Maria vs Tock fight for their auditory trigger which is an insane attention to detail touch. 

Also something I couldn’t fit in anywhere else; it’s sad but fairly realistic that Qrow falls right back off the wagon after the Corvodin meeting goes south.

Dead End has some quality to it, mostly in the back half with Maria and Ruby bouncing off each other wonderfully to create a great teacher-student dynamic, but the first half drags and is let down by an overly long intro before pouring gasoline on the fires of the anti-Jaune crowd. 

Lost- The Refound Footing

Remember what I said in the first half of the volume retrospective, Em and Merc appearing is an instant thumbs up in my book. So an episode where they get half the episode to themselves, and even get to be in the thumbnail for the first time since Volume 3? Hoo boy, that’s a solid contender for episode of the season right there. And it nearly is, in all honesty. In fact, Lost’s only mis-step is how a part of it feels like the third act to a trilogy when we never saw the second part, but we’ll come back to that. 

Mercury and Emerald’s scene is nothing short of breathtaking. There’s a lot of great lighting choices in this scene such as Emerald initially sitting in the darkness before rising and coming into the moonlit parts of the room after being confronted with her denial to believe that Cinder’s a monster, that lend the scene a bit of extra weight. Yuri and Katie are their usual amazing selves, especially since this is the first time either of them have been given some really meaty dialogue in a while. 

Kerry had already teased content for Mercury was coming in the Reddit AMA, and we already knew the kick boi was sporting one of the darkest backstories of anyone in the show, but the curtain was uncovered here to make it absolutely obvious how much of a bastard Marcus Black was and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that interest in Mercury jumped up after this episode and the average theory on Team Jaded went from “Emerald will defect and Mercury will stay or die giving her a chance” to “Emerald and Mercury will leave as a group.”I also love how the Yang and Mercury foil status only continues to amplify, as now we have both of their fathers giving different advice and training in regards to their Semblances- Tai encouraged Yang to learn to control it and not to use it as a crutch unless she was sure it would finish the fight, while Marcus stole it so Mercury never got reliant in the first place.  

Merc’s backstory is also making me salivate for when he finally gets to cut loose in a fight, since his two biggest fights- against Pyrrha and Yang- were him holding back, so Mercury fighting needing to worry about keeping his cover would be an insane fight. And if Cinder and Neo is any sign of the CRWBY’s skills with hand-to-hand fighting... yeah, Merc’s next bout will be something to look forward to. I also love that Merc spends this scene training his punches, showing that he’s covering his bases for the next time he gets to fight Yang or another brawler. 

Emerald is still the best girl in this show. I love to hate how the music changes to a soft version of Cinder’s theme when Emerald explains why she’s backing Cinder, as if Emerald is twisting the music itself to make Cinder out to be the hero. Mercury bluntly telling her to stop living in fantasy land was a great moment that I’d been waiting years for, and “I’m sorry you didn’t have a mommy who loved you, but I had a father who hated me,” is just solid gold in writing. 

I love how Merc’s smirk as he calls Emerald out on her denial just melts off his face because he cares enough to want Emerald to stop being delusional, but he’s not going to be nice about it.

Also can I just say Mercury, the whole “I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be” crap would work if literally every other one of your scenes this volume didn’t show you scared and clearly rethinking your life choices. 

Tyrian’s tail upgrade is fine, but the real treat to his grand return is Tyrian playing psychoanalyist on Mercury and immediately calling bullshit on his above line- Merc’s only here because he’s been in a cycle of violence his whole life and is too afraid to leave it. The way he practically begs them to run because he called dibs on hunting them down is way too gleeful for my liking but given how Merc and Tyrian are two of my favorite villains right now, them finally getting to chat was a delight. I can’t wait until Volume 7 when we get to see Tyrian bounce off Watts without Mama Salem’s watchful eye. 

OK I’m done talking about the best scene in the Volume. Now let’s talk about another great scene. 

So first off I’d like to give my apprecation to the crew for making new Argus locals every episode we spend in it. It gives the city a lot more weight as a locale to see different streets and environs every week instead of prop recycling like a motherfucker. It gives Argus a lot more weight and makes it feel more lived-in than the few samey environments of Mistral that we got to see, and the streets are beautiful as a consequence. It also lets me play my new favorite spot, Spot The Emerald Clone!! 

Jaune’s scene at the statue is a beautifully shot and acted scene, no complaints from me here and Forever Fall has already killed me and claimed my soul. I love how it calls back to the Volume 1 OP as well, and Miles and Jen kill it here. It’s on its own an amazing scene, but the wider problem is what sets it down. This is JN_R’s only scene this volume, and as a consequence it feels like it needs to include most all of their character beats since they won’t get the chance to otherwise- their mutual grief over Pyrrha is brought up, Nora tells Jaune to drop the suicidal tendencies he suddenly gained at Haven and Ren... is there. If JNR had more to do this volume I wouldn’t mind but this scene just gives the vibe of “JNR get one scene to develop and justify them staying to fight Salem and that’s it!”  So nothing wrong with the scene itself, more the problem around it.

Finally we have Oscar’s sudden return. I think even if Chapter 8 hadn’t been the episode before the New Years break, fans wouldn’t have liked how this played out. Oscar really needs more character moments, especially after spending much of Volume 5 as just a fleshsack for Ozpin. Him going solo would have been a great way for Oscar to develop on his own and come to terms with his part to play in the war against Salem, maybe even have Ozpin or Ozma manifest and talk to him. Instead, he just goes and buys a new costume.

I still think Oscar lifted Qrow’s wallet for the record. And I still like his new outfit. The bandages give me Bungou Stray Dogs vibes. 

So in this retrospective, I’ve been pointing out little moments for Ruby in each episode, moments where the writers pointedly have her take center-stage, even if just for a minute, to remind the audience that she’s the leader. Here, her moment is... fairly weak. Ruby’s inspirational speeches are never her strong suit, but her telling Qrow that they “didn’t need an adult” when he saved her from Tyrian back in V4 and Maria saved her from the Apathy just a few episodes ago is almost darkly comedic. Her quiet exasperation with Qrow when she finds him on the stairs is a much more understated moment that landed for me. Her hero worship for Qrow has been pretty much shattered at this point and now she’s just tired of his crap. 

Lost is just an amazing episode. Mercury and Emerald are easily the most interesting characters in the series for me, this episode gives us more sights of Argus, the statue scene is wonderful and now I have the mental image of Oscar lifting Qrow’s wallet to go stress shopping as my favorite headcanon of the volume. Ruby’s speech is a little phoned in but it’s still a decent ending to a fantastic episode, and it’s easily my favorite episode in the entire season as a consequence. 

Stealing From The Elderly- Most Apt Name For An Episode 2K19

The Argus Battle episodes all vary in quality- while none of them are outright bad episodes, some flow more smoothly or have more standout moments than the other. There is, however, one constant.

They’re all too fucking short. Half of the episodes are just barely fourteen minutes long, and taking out the Genlock preview and the opening and closing credits, it’s more generous to say they’re ten to twelve minutes on average. While I will take shorter, more concise episodes over something that drags on longer than it needs to (see Dead End and the opening scene again for my thoughts on that), there is a point where I must bemoan the length being too short. Especially when some of these episodes are insanely good. 

Jaune’s plan is alright. Not quite as much of a disaster as some make it out to be, it’s a decent plan if lacking in contingencies. I think it’s noteworthy that had Adam not intervened, the plan would have gone off without a hitch.  

The first half of the episode is also really funny. Corvodin’s guards are a lot easier to manage in the shorter pace of the episode and Maria is just a goldmine of comedy. Like I said earlier, it’s amazing how fast the fandom fell in love with this salty old grandma. I also love the joke that Maria’s jargon was perfect (which it is in real life btw I checked), but the guards knew something was up because their pilots aren’t old women.

The one real drag to the episode is Qrow having another angst episode and bemoaning how everything is his fault again, which just seems to be in the episode so Ruby can have another Ruby Moment. This is perhaps the weakest of all of her moments in the season, as it feels the most shoved in for the sake of being able to say “We gave Ruby something to do in every episode!” Which is fine, but repetition is a beast best avoided when possible in writing.

The mech is kinda cool, at least. And for the record, Corvodin is the guilty party in this conflict- yes, Ruby and co stole military equipment, but it was Caroline’s call to escalate to the Walking Gen;Lock Ad. They could easily have just dispatched other airships to catch the protagonists. 

Adam’s return was a bit of a wet fart, unfortunately. A CRWBY episode released days prior to this episode releasing accidentally had mocap footage of someone fighting with Adam’s style, and storyboards that could be seen in this episode showed he was fighting Blake during it. Had the CRWBY episode not been so blatant in spoiling the surprise the twist of him suddenly arriving may have had more impact, but alas. I will say on an animation level, the fight in the tower is pretty good, if a bit clunky compared to what comes after. It makes good use of the environment and has Adam and Blake constantly crawling up and down the tower, giving the fight a bit of a unique quality to it. I also like the new visual additions to Adam’s Moonslice such as the bolt of lightning that crawls up his back. 

Stealing From The Elderly is a decent, if very short, opening act to the Argus Battle episodes. It sets up the major conflicts of this trilogy of episodes, and has some great wit at the beginning, but doesn’t have much to make it stand out on its own.

The Lady In The Shoe- 

Pretty. Fucking. Stellar. This episode is almost all fight scene, and works for the most part.

The mech fight is unfortunately the letdown of this part, and I’d probably rank it as the least exciting fight of Volume 6. While it does have some great moments such as Ruby getting to run on goddamn missiles, Ren actually getting to do something and not job for once, Ruby and Weiss’s great moment on the Lancer, everyone getting a moment to themselves where they get to land a blow on the mech (barring Oscar) and a new song in Big Metal Shoe, it’s overall a very slow battle that never really picks up. It doesn’t help that Caroline as a villain is very one-note, an exaggerated caricature who we know won’t stop the heroes, she’s just a stop gap for them. 

Honestly though, the fight in this part of the episode just peaks at Ruby zooming up and firing her sniper rifle one handed at Caroline, and landing a no-scope right on the window. Heck, go and look and it’s at head level with Caroline. Ruby went right for the kill shot! God it’s so cool to see Ruby being a badass again.

But of course the real highlight of this episode and of the entire Argus Battle sequence was Adam’s brawls against Blake and Yang, the latter of which has already earned a spot in most people’s favorite fights of the entire show list. Every time I thought Volume 6 had peaked fight wise, it got one more burst of energy and make a new “best of the season” fight to top the last. Cinder vs Neo was topped by Maria vs Tock, and now that was beaten out by Adam vs Yang. I can look at this fight and find a new favorite moment each time- Blake putting Adam’s sword into her sheath and disarming him for a few seconds while dual wielding for the first time in years, Adam’s almost instant turns whenever Blake uses her Semblance on him and him breaking Gambol Shroud, Yang smashing Adam with the bike, the list goes on. It’s not only great to see the Adam/Yang test footage getting remade to give the fight an extra edge, but as someone who wrote a lot of words on what the Battle of Haven did to Adam’s reputation, it was great to see the CRWBY remedying that mistake and giving him and Yang a fantastic battle, easily their strongest outings. Yang in particular really has evolved since Beacon, with her style having specifically changed to counter Adam and a whole barrage of new tricks- that rapid-fire machine gun punch is beautiful. 

If this is how Yang fights now, her rematch against Mercury is going to be a fucking treat. 

Adam’s face reveal was also a big shock. Some people had predicted branding but I don’t think anyone specifically called that he would have the SDC logo plastered on his eye socket. It’s a rather haunting sight, and puts his utter hatred for humanity in a startling light. It doesn’t excuse Adam of his actions, especially the abuse he put Blake through, but it puts a lot of Adam’s older actions- his disregard of the people on the train the Black trailer, his sadistic grins in his short whenever he was dominating humans- in a new context. Kudos to CRWBY for finding a way to take what most people thought they’d called already and putting a new spin on it. 

While the mech fight isn’t stellar (though Nora’s moment of “You get back here with MY MAN!” was adorable), Adam vs Yang on its own makes this a high-ranking episode of the season with what cannot be stated enough as a good fucking fight. Melanie, you are a goddamn boss and I can’t wait to see you get that team working on more battles. 

Seeing Red- The Assassination of Adam Taurus by the Not-So-Cowardly Blake Belladonna

So uh... last episode had Maria’s ship get hit with a missile, then it’s fine in this one? No smoke trails, not even any damage? OK? 

Mech fight isn’t as good as it was last time, unfortunately. Ruby’s speeching is still rather annoying but at least she makes up for it by jumping into the cannon to make sure we all realize Volume 5 Ruby is a thing of the past. A really nice touch was her psyching herself up for a second before taking the second shot. It reminded me of Wonder Woman when Steve dies, he takes a second to breathe before firing. I like that she didn’t succeed with the first plan to shoot the missiles, it added a little tension to the fight. I also loved her moment with Qrow when he tried to stop her, it was a really soft and humanizing moment for both of them. 

Adam vs Yang and Blake is still great, but last episode has it beat for sheer choreography. I very much enjoyed seeing them tag-team Adam, but part of me finds it funny that after Lady In The Shoe’s declaration of “We’re protecting each other,” Blake gets knocked out 40 seconds into the fight while Yang has to fight Adam for over a minute. 

It was great to see the fire hair finally make a return, and having it serve as part of a climax where we see Yang correct her error when she fought Adam at Beacon- literally, they recreate the move where Adam cut her arm off but this time Yang dodges to the side first- was an amazing touch. And the hair looks pretty great too. 

Adam’s death was a bit of a shock. It’s karma, no doubt, and ultimately this fight was only going to end with either him or the protagonists dead. But to be honest, I don’t think anyone expected him to win, especially after Weiss and Cinder took a spear to the narrative stakes last year. After the branding reveal I was personally hoping (but I was 90% sure he’d die) that Adam would get knocked off the cliff (I suppose I wasn’t wrong on that front at least) and get picked up by Cinder and Neo, then he’d become a problem in the Atlas arc. In particular I feel it would have been a great way to tie Adam into Weiss’s plot, as a way for her to see first hand that the SDC under Jacques is directly creating the monsters that go on to kill Weiss’s family. I’m fine with the death here, so long as what Jacques has done to the Faunus still appears in the Atlas seasons. But I feel this was a good place to see him off. On a technical level it would have been difficult for the crew to top the fighting scene in Chapters 11 and 12, while on a thematic level unless Adam went full-in on the Faunus cause he would have felt like dead weight. In effect, he’d have become the villain’s version of ReNora in how useful he really was for the plot. Additionally, even with the choreography here, had he run away again or lost I think that would have been a nail in the coffin for Adam’s threat-factor regardless. So ultimately, this was the best place to get rid of him, and at least he went out with a good death. (i really hope none of this paragraph gets twisted by someone trying to say i’m an abuse apologist, been down that road already thanks) 

Also Blake breaking down was harsh. Her and Yang are gonna need to have a long conversation or six about trauma because that’s the closest either of those girls are getting to therapists in this death world. But for real, the finale all but confirmed that Blake and Yang are endgame, and whether your own thoughts on that, their arcs next volume should be about addressing that before romantic tension comes in. We’ve got at least six volumes left, the show can afford to take it slow and have them get some therapy before they get a Tinder profile.

... though I will complain about one thing about the fight. Adam’s sheath is a gun, why didn’t he just try and shoot Blake and Yang after he lost Wilt? He just rushes for the broken fragments of the sword when he has a working gun at his belt. Literally, the one thing I don’t like about the fight itself and it’s the epilogue to it. 

Seeing Red’s fighting choreography might not be as impressive as Lady In The Shoe for either fight, but both are augmented by instead focusing on the characters and nailing a lot of the symbolism in its key moments. Ruby gets to shine with a hell of an insane move, and the show parts ways with its first real villain. 

RIP goatboi, you were trash but at least it was fun to watch you swing your weeb stick. Thanks for sucking in Volume 5 so much I started writing narrative essays about the show as a consequence. 

Our Way- And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain

As an episode, Our Way is pretty cool. As a finale, it’s a bit weak, continuing the meta trend of season finales getting shorter every volume since V3. Nothing here is inherently bad, in fact it’s a lot of good material, but it’s not finale material.  

Ruby’s arc (well it’s not really an arc but that’s a subject for another post) has been building up to the moment where she finally become a proper leader, and her facing down the Leviathan was that moment. The shots of this thing looming over Ruby are cinematic gold. I love that Ruby uses Jinn’s time stop feature to cheat out a few more seconds to prepare her Silver Eyes, and that Jinn, albeit begrudgingly, admits that she made a good play. When a near omnipotent lamp admits you’ve got some moves, you really have come a long way as a fighter. 

The 2D stills of the Beacon season moments were a delight to behold, especially thanks to the added detail they gave moments like Weiss giving Ruby coffee and Penny’s death. The Summer appearance was amazing and made the finale for me, and it fading right as the lyrics to Indomitable kick in is a fantastic rush of emotions. Four lines and that song’s already my most anticipated track on the volume. I’m kind of bitter it wasn’t the credits song if I’m being honest.

Corvodin getting the final blow on the Leviathan was mixed. I appreciated how fucking anime it was that she used her DRILL THAT COULD PIERCE THE HEAVENS to kill Bubbles, but that the Leviathan was just so casually one-shotted made for a bit of an anticlimax to the battle. I’m not exactly also fond of the racist old hag being given a “soft” redemption but whatever. 

Really that’s my one big problem with this. I get that there was no real way to have another big Grimm fight, but it makes the Battle of Argus feel like a bit of a cheap fight as a consequence. I’m overall fine with the result, but it does weaken the finale as a direct consequence. If the Ruby Silver Eyes moment didn’t land for you I can imagine this finale being rather weaksauce. Still, at least most of it was onscreen this time, so progress over Haven. It’s overall an OK episode but it needed a bit more time in the oven to make it a great finale. I didn’t hate it, but I can’t deny that outside of the character moments it wasn’t as climactic as I hoped it would be, especially once they cut episode 14 as I assumed that meant a longer than normal finale to compensate for the runtime. If you like Ruby, this is a great conclusion to a season that’s been great for her overall. If you don’t? Well, twelve out of thirteen good episodes. 

Really though, Our Way made clear one important fact. Blake will never be allowed to solo her own songs, she will always have to share it with someone else. Honestly after From Shadows, Wings, Like Morning Follows Night, This Time and now Nevermore, it has to be deliberate that Blake only gets duets. 

Also you remember how I pointed out that each even-numbered season up to V6 opened with Em and Merc? Well the tradition was kinda kept alive because they closed out Volume 6. Fitting that they be the ones we close out the Mistral seasons with, alongside literal flying monkeys. At least Mercury has his eyebrows back to normal now so... character arc?  

... oh yeah and Neo and Cinder were in this I guess

Conclusion

Volume 6 is stellar, superb, at times outright spectacular. As a fan who felt Volume 5 was at best mediocre and at worst just bad, Volume 6 is an immediately counteraction and a redemption arc for RWBY as a show. Almost all of the major criticisms that had been levied at the Maya Era since Volume 4 started- janky animation, poor pacing, underused characters, weak fights, poorly explained backstories and weak villains among countless others- were all addressed and fixed to a certain extent. Ruby finally feels like the protagonist of her own story, Salem and Ozpin’s backstories have been explored, Adam was given a shred of sympathy before his death, the songs were great, the fights were stellar and it managed to, for the most part, stick the landing.

Granted, the first half is far better paced and written, the pacing does take a hit once RWBY reach Argus, but a conscious step was taken to avoid the Mistral House Round 2, we only spend three episodes in the Cotta-Arc house and a large portion of time outside it to boot. Miles said in a post-RTX interview that the plan was for each episode to have at least one new location per episode to avoid repetition and for the most part, they succeeded. As a consequence, the world feels more alive than it ever has before, Argus feels much more intimately known and we see the characters reacting to new environments and stimuli. But regardless, things slow down and hit a roadblock at Argus and while the pacing smooths out, it does break the stellar flow the earlier episodes had managed to keep going. 

The Argus Battle episodes, while as a whole better shot and choreographed than last year’s battle at Haven, have far smaller stakes. The mech fight has some entertaining moments but fails to entertain, but the slack is thankfully picked up by Adam vs B&Y which will top a lot of “best fight of the show” lists for a while to come. But still, the episodes feel less wide-reaching than the Beacon or Haven versions, and perhaps because of this, the final episode fails to excite as much as it does due to the Battle for Argus having no real stakes or danger. It leads to a great moment, but it’s not as exciting as it could have been.

While overall the pacing was very good, one plot did drag- Cinder and Neo. This did not need to be in Volume 6 and while I liked their fight, Cinder’s plot is rather blatantly just there to set up Volume 7 and their threat there. While it did give the crew a chance to finally explore Mistral’s criminal underworld that had been teased in the World of Remnant, Mistral still feels woefully underused compared to Vale thanks to a shoddy start. As well, plain and simply, I just don’t like Cinder and Neo as much as I do the other villains, and I’d have rather their screentime be used on the other villains- a segment of Adam stalking Blake in Argus, more of Emerald and Mercury processing Cinder not being around anymore, Hazel and the duality of his want for pacifism and his utter hatred of Ozpin, Tyrian and Watts and the inevitably buddy cop drama that will ensue from them. This is a personal gripe, I’m aware, but Cinder has still failed to grab me as a villain six volumes in- hopefully now that there’s one less villain to juggle, she can finally get something to hook us in next volume. Also I just don’t like Cinder’s new outfit, give Em and Merc new outfits already for Christ’s sake. 

Another plot that didn’t so much drag as was just removed was Oscar going missing. I was sure this would lead to an Oscar solo scene where he’d get to confront Ozma and Ozpin and figure out his place in life. As it is, it feels like he just went missing so Jaune, Ren and Nora could have the statue scene. At least his new costume is nice.

But overall, the second half was good, no, great a lot of the time after the awkward stop in Dead End. Volume 6′s second half may not have been as grandiose as it could/should have been, but it still maintained a steady pace, gave us a lot of fantastic standout scenes, great combat and character beats while finally leaving the ghost of Volume 5 behind on Mistral. I am thoroughly onboard for Volume 7, and I am now eager to see where Miles, Connor, Kerry and Melanie steer the ship. 

Thank you for reading. 

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Words On My Skin (Part 10)

Bucky Barnes x Reader Soulmate AU

A/N: Thank you guys for being patient with me LOL I am a really slow writer! I’ve just been really busy, lately! And having technology issues! But I’m really happy with all of your replies! Feedback gives me life and makes me want to keep writing! I love reading your comments!

I made this suuuper long, not only since I’m an asshole who keeps procrastinating… but also because I have no self-control LOL It’s over 5200 words LOL

Warnings: exercise (should be a warning because BLECKH), swearing, barely edited… IDK.

Main Masterlist // WOMS Masterlist

-------------------------------------------

Bucky: I’m sorry. Please talk to me.

Bucky: I know that you talk to me about work stuff, but I miss talking about other things… I’m sorry for pushing you.

Bucky: I just get worried about what happened when we met happening, again. I want you to be able to defend yourself, because I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt… I’m sorry. Please, come see me.

Bucky: What’s wrong? It’s 2am, and I can feel you through the bond… Are you okay?

Bucky: Can I please come see you? Steve said you looked tired, and now I’m worried…

Bucky: I don’t like communicating through FRIDAY. Can we please talk? I miss you.

Bucky: You know, we live a room apart… you can’t avoid me forever… Plus, we kind of work together…

Bucky: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST DIVE INTO AN EMPTY OFFICE TO AVOID STEVE AND I??

Bucky: Okay. I’ll leave you alone… I’m sorry.

Bucky: I’m going on a mission, today. Be safe while I’m gone, please.

God, you were such an asshole…

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to him. Not at all. You wanted to talk to him so badly, that it felt as if you had someone squeezing your heart like a goddamn stress ball.

Hell, you were a fucking stress ball.

You missed him…

You missed talking to him, from the stupid shit to the deep, dark secrets.

You’d felt like you’d taken two steps forward and about one thousand steps back. The agreement to start opening up to each other was supposed to include shit like whatever happened in the gun range… but, if you were being honest with yourself, you were completely embarrassed. You’d totally had a friggin’ meltdown in front of him, after the stupid gun safety bullshit, but you weren’t even sure why.

You didn’t understand what you’d seen.

Remembered?

You weren’t even sure if it was a memory.

You’d been avoiding Bucky for an entire week, and yes – embarrassingly enough – you’d panicked and jumped into an empty office to have a mental breakdown about how you had no idea what to say to the man.

Handshake your fear.

That was something you’d always told yourself when times were rough, but it seemed that the words were starting to lose meaning… You said them more, as of late, than you ever have since you first heard the stupid phrase. Ever since the shit with HYDRA began.

You didn’t blame Bucky. Hell no. You couldn’t. He was just as much of a victim of HYDRA as you were.

No.

More than you were.

He’d been a victim for decades.

You didn’t blame him for your meltdown, either. He had nothing to apologize for.

You did.

You were the chicken shit that decided that the best way to deal with what happened was to avoid him, making him feel like shit. Which was not your intent. At all. You merely meant to deal with your shit in privacy… not to have him blaming himself for ‘pushing you’.

How was he supposed to know that you were going to go all melt-down on his ass?

You stared at your cellphone, the gut-wrenching feeling of guilt making tears well up in your eyes – blurring the words. You bit your lip, keeping it from doing that embarrassing wobble it did when you were about to cry. You’d wanted to talk to him, reply to his texts, and go back to having lunch together every day. You were sick of stress-cleaning, and stress-working. You just wanted your soulmate back.

You were a goddamn idiot.

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY’s voice startled you from your moping, “Captain Rogers is out of his meeting and will meet you in the gym.”

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” You replied, after swallowing the lump in your throat, and clearing it. “Tell him I’ll be right down.”

You turned to your computer, putting it back onto its lock screen, and glanced back at your phone.

You sighed, slowly breathing out and closing your eyes. “Just… Handshake your fear, Y/n.”

You: Please, be safe.

Your finger hovered over the ‘send’ button, debating on if you should send the message, or not.

You wanted to tell him to be safe, in person. If he was going on a mission – you’d also found out it was a freaking solo mission – you didn’t want there to be the possibility of him getting hurt, or worse, and you ignoring him and avoiding him. What if it was the last time you ever saw him? What if-

Stop it, Y/n.

Don’t even fucking think that.

“FRIDAY?” You called out, setting the phone down and gathering your items into your gym bag, “Did Bucky leave for his mission, yet?”

“Sargent Barnes left approximately fourteen minutes and thirty five seconds ago.” The AI replied, sending another pang of guilt in your chest.

Shit…

Well, it wasn’t quite what you wanted – or what Bucky deserved – but you needed to say something.

You deleted the message, starting over.

You: We’ll talk when you get back. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Be safe, please. You still owe me at least 3 dates. I’ll even cook you a juicy lucy as an apology for being an emotional basket case this week.

You didn’t even hesitate to hit the ‘send’ button.

Your phone pinged with a reply before you could even leave your office.

Bucky: Deal. I’ll even try eel, if it means I get to see your face. See you when I get back.

You: You’re going to wish you never even mentioned the eel. HAHA!

Bucky: Shit.

You: Language!

Bucky: Stop hanging out with Steve. He’s rubbing off on you.

Bucky: I have to shut my phone off, now… I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back. See you, soon.

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You sighed in relief, slipping your phone into your gym bag and shutting the door behind you as you made your way to the part of the building where the training facilities were located. Your fingers brushed along the smooth skin of your inner wrist, thankful that you’d taken a step towards apologizing to Bucky for freaking out on him and ignoring him – like a goddamn teenager.

Speaking of teenagers…

“FRIDAY? Can you send a text message to Peter’s phone and remind him that he needs to come to the facility and sign his mission report? Also, tell him that his aunt’s birthday gift is sitting in my office, and he’s got a test on Tuesday.” You spoke into your watch, ignoring the weird looks you always received from the other workers in the building. They weren’t quite over the fact that the Avengers’ assistant ended up being the soulmate of Bucky Barnes. “Also, remind Tony that it’s almost lunchtime, and I put a container of lunch in the fridge in the lab. He also has a meeting with Secretary Ross at 4pm and remind him not to taunt the U.S. Secretary of State. Add a nice ‘please’ at the end, too.”

“Right away, Ms. L/n.” Friday responded through your watch’s speaker.

“Man, you’re bossy.” You hear from behind you, snarky tone making you roll your eyes. “Thank god you’re not my assistant.”

You turned to Caleb, a smirk lifting your lips as you shook your head. “Do tour guides get assistants?”

His hand flew to his chest in mock hurt, dark brows pulling together and mouth agape, “You wound me, L/n. I’ll have you know that I am an actual agent, thank you very much. I’m in the security department… just… manning the front desk. I just needed a job with stable hours, after Claire moved in.”

Caleb was a saint. After the death of his sister and brother-in-law, he took it upon himself to gain custody of his niece, take a desk job, and raise Claire as his own. She was two at the time of the accident that took the life of her parents. She’d been with Caleb ever since.

Five years later, and she was Caleb’s little princess.

“How did your date with Leah go?” You asked, as he followed you towards the training facilities, hands in his pockets.

“Not good.” He sighed, head falling back in annoyance as his footsteps became heavier. “She talked about her ex the whole time. Then, even though I was going to pay for the date since I was the one who asked her to come out with me, she told me she didn’t even bring her wallet. You know why? Because she was expecting me to pay.” He scoffed, trudging along after you as you passed by the regular training room – towards the Avengers’ private training area. “Like… I know I was paying anyways, but how rude.”

“I told you she was a bad seed.” You snorted, scanning your badge to gain access to the facility. “Anyways, I promised Cap that I’d be his work-out buddy, today. He probably wants to go on a run.”

“How the hell are you going to manage that? You hate cardio.”

“I know.” You grimaced, leaning against the opened door. “Anyways, tell Claire I loved the picture she drew me, and it’s up on my wall. Her and I need some girl-talk, soon, so bring her by sometime. Her and I can make glitter slime, again.”

“Please get her to like something other than that slime crap.” He groaned, turning on his heel and heading down the hall. “My kitchen table has glue, shaving cream, little glitter piles, and dawn dish soap all over it. I have more contact solution than I know what to do with. I don’t even wear contacts.”

“Not my fault you can’t say no to her!” You call back with a chuckle, watching as he stuck up his middle finger, before rounding the corner. Your chuckle turned into a loud yelp when you turned around, Steve standing right in front of you with his arms crossed. “Holy shit fuck, Steve. Do I need a little bell for you, too? I seriously bought one for Bucky.”

“Who was that?” Steve asked with a frown, eyebrows pulled together as he stared in the direction that Caleb had gone. “You’re late.”

“That’s my friend, Caleb. He works the security desk.” You raise an eyebrow, scooting by so you could set your bag on the bench and stretch on the mats. You could see Natasha doing a one-on-one training with one of the female agents, teaching her how to use her small stature as an advantage to beat her opponent – who just so happened to be Clint. “Anyways, I’m only five minutes late. I was… texting Bucky.”

His face lit up at the mention of you talking to Bucky, grin stretching across his features. “You mean you’re finally done ignoring him?”

Well fuck, Cap.

You paused, a small lump forming in your stomach. Maybe it was a bad idea, agreeing to work out with Bucky’s best friend when you were being an asshole to him all week. “I wasn’t… ignoring him… I was avoiding him.”

“Why?” Steve frowned, sitting down on the mat across from you, helping you with your stretching. “Straighten your back.”

You followed his advice, trying to loosen up your muscles before they got overworked, and straightening your back. “I was embarrassed.”

“About what?”

“Boy, aren’t you full of a lot of questions, today?” You raise an eyebrow, lump moving from your throat to a knot in your stomach. “Anyways, didn’t Bucky already tell you?”

“Nope.” He shook his head, blonde hair flopping into his eyes. He needed a haircut, as well. You should schedule him one. “He said that it was your business, but he felt bad because he pushed you, or something. I don’t know. He wasn’t very specific.” He pushed your legs together, pushing down gently on your tops of your feet then pushing back up. “All I know is he’s been moping all week, and he didn’t want to say anything about what happened in the gun range.” He motioned for you to lean forward, “Touch your toes.”

You leaned forward, legs flush with the floor and leaning forward to grasp the tips of your shoes – feeling the pull through your hamstrings, “I… didn’t mean to make him think I was ignoring him.” You sighed, but it came out more as a huff as you leaned as far forward as you could. “I was embarrassed about how I reacted, and didn’t know what to say… I’ve never… I’ve never had anyone care so much, before.”

“He does.” Steve heaved himself up, holding out his hands to help you off the ground. “Care, I mean.”

“I know.” You crossed your arms over your chest, watching as he stretched his arms behind his head. “I’m an asshole.”

“No, you’re not.” He snorted, leading you over to the weights, handing you the ten pound weights as he grabbed obnoxiously large weights on the other end of the rack. “Strength first, then cardio.”

“Why cardio? Are you punishing me?” You whined, copying his form as you started reps – careful of your shoulder injury. “It’s because I’m an asshole, isn’t it?”

“You’re not an… can you stop calling yourself that?” He huffed, barely breaking a sweat with his annoyingly large weights. “Cardio is good for you. Not only that, but if there’s ever an emergency… you need to run. Fast.”

You bit your lip, staying silent for a few reps. He had a point. Who would’ve thought that being the soulmate of a former assassin turned Avenger would be so freaking dangerous, right? Duh, you idiot. There is literally no job more dangerous than theirs. They had more enemies than you could’ve ever imagined. Also, being their freaking assistant? Have you lost your damn mind? Of course, it’s dangerous, they literally told you from the beginning that there was a chance that your life would be in danger. You should probably get over… whatever the fuck there was to get over… and learn how to properly shoot a... gun.

“Do you-” You paused, gulping down the lump caught in your throat and steadying your breathing, “- Do you think that… Something bad will happen to me? Do you think… Is HYDRA still gunning for my death or capture?”

He stopped his reps, sitting down on the bench and lowering his weights onto the floor. “What’s this about?”

“Well…” You set your little weights onto the bench, arms starting to burn from your reps, “Bucky wants me to learn how to shoot a gun. I’m not allowed out of the confines of the compound without security, and you’re training me to defend myself.” You sat down on the mat, thankful that you hadn’t completely started sweating, yet. “It just seems like… there’s more to the story than what I’m being told.”

“There is.”

You jumped at the voice coming from behind you, as Natasha walked over to grab her water bottle that was sitting on the bench a few feet away.

“Natasha-”

“No, Steve.” You cut him off, a frown forming on your face. “I want to know what she’s talking about.”

“She deserves to know, Steve.” Natasha took a long pull from her water, sweat dripping down the smooth skin of her chest. God, why couldn’t you be blessed with beauty like hers? “It’s her safety.”

You raised an eyebrow, a surge of annoyance running through your veins as your jaw tightened. “Steve?”

“Okay…” He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and leaning his head back on the wall, muttering that Bucky was going to kill him.

“Bucky knows?” You growled, springing up from your spot on the floor and crossing your arms over your chest in anger, shoulders tensing. “What the hell is happening? What’s so bad that it has Bucky flipping out over my safety and all of you apparently not being allowed to tell me?”

“HYDRA had some… files on you.” Steve looked up, light eyes meeting yours. His lips were pursed in frustration. Probably frustrated that he was the one who had to tell you, and not Bucky. Join the fucking club, bub. “They were pretty thorough.”

“What do you mean thorough?” You snapped, nails digging into the skin of your palms as you fought to keep your cool. “How much shit do they know about me?”

“Well… I didn’t see all the files.” Steve hesitated, leaning his elbows on his knees and scratching at the stubble that was forming along his jaw. “We didn’t want to invade your privacy.”

“How. Much.” You repeated, a small pang of pain in your chest, every time your heart took a beat. You felt like you kept getting stabbed in the chest with a long toothpick, over and over. “How much shit do they have on me?”

“Too much.” Natasha replied for him, leaning against the wall while watching the exchange between the two of you. “They have too much information on you.”

“Were you able to get the files and delete them off the servers?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, pain radiating from your chest to your stomach. If you weren’t careful, you were going to give yourself a goddamn ulcer from stress. “How many people do you think had access to my information?”

“We can’t be sure. We deleted what they had at the base, but… we don’t know if there are any physical copies or who’s seen the files.” Steve answered, standing back up from his spot on the bench. “How about we talk about this when Bucky gets back?”

“How long has Bucky known?” You glared at the two of them, voice cracking at the end of your question.

“I think… no matter what my answer is gets him in trouble.” Steve bit his lip, moving to put the unused weights back in their spot on the rack. “How about we just move straight to cardio? We can do strength later.”

“You guys can’t keep shit like this from me, Steve!” You ignored his awful suggestion of cardio, feeling like you could cry from frustration. “Not only am I Bucky’s soulmate, but I’m your fucking assistant! I leave the compound to run errands, I fill out your paperwork, I go to your meetings when you’re gone, and I have family and friends outside from the compound! I can’t just be kept in the dark about this shit! What if they sneak up on me when I’m running an errand? What if they go after my parents? What if they go after Farida or her husband? Or her baby? What if they-”

“Okay, Y/n, stop.” Natasha glared at you from her spot against the wall, tone demanding. Her usual coldness far icier than usual, making you stop and take a breath. “First of all, you knew what you signed up for when you took this job. An assistant job for the Avengers? You knew the risks of getting involved with us. And need I remind you that you’re yelling at your boss?”

Technically, Pepper Potts was your boss.

“Natasha-” Steve tried to intervene, seeing the situation start to escalate further as Natasha took a step towards you.

“Second of all-” She continued, also ignoring Steve, “- We’re taking preventative measures so that you can protect yourself. What happens on a mission is technically none of your goddamn business, so this little temper tantrum you’re having is pointless. Bucky didn’t want to worry you, so he didn’t want us to tell you. Too bad. Take it up with your goddamn soulmate and stop whining about it to us.”

“What the hell is your problem, Natasha?” You shook your head, ignoring how close she was to you. Trying to intimidate you.

“Y/n-” Steve shook his head, but Natasha didn’t let him finish.

“Your little helpless girl act is my problem!” She growled, taking another step towards you and starting to invade your personal space. Helpless girl act? Is she for real? “I don’t trust it. She finds out after a few hours of knowing us that she’s Bucky’s soulmate, and suddenly she’s being attacked in the same day? She gets drugged at a bar, and no one – not even trained agents – saw anything? HYDRA suddenly has all these files on her three weeks after we meet her? I don’t trust it.”

“Natasha-” Steve tried again, but you cut him off.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve all fucking known about these files for months?” You shouted incredulously, taking a step forward and throwing your hands up in frustration. “What the hell!”

“Back the fuck up, L/n.” Natasha hissed, raising an eyebrow, “I’ll only say it once.”

“LADIES!” Steve yelled, pushing himself in the middle of where you stood toe to toe with her, making you both take a step back. “Knock it off. Now.” He turned to Natasha, jaw tight with anger, “Go take a walk, Nat. Now.”

She huffed, rolling her eyes as she swiped her water bottle off the bench and stormed off, red hair swinging behind her.

Steve turned to you, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat. That was completely out of line. “I just… got mad. I don’t understand what I have to do to get her to trust me.”

“Well, channel your anger into something else.” His tense posture loosened up, a little, as he calmed down. “As for Nat… She’ll come around. She doesn’t trust easily. She’s always been that way.”

“I hope you’re right.” You followed him towards the treadmills. “Also, I’m not going to let this go. You guys seriously can’t keep things like this from me. I’m not saying this as your assistant or colleague. I’m saying this as Bucky’s soulmate. I don’t need surprises.” You leaned against the treadmill, dreading cardio. At least your anger was starting to dissipate a little. She just freaked out on you because she doesn’t trust you. You would just have to prove your trust to her. “If I am going to be dealing with HYDRA and your enemies the rest of my life, I need to know what I’m getting myself into. It’s different as an assistant. It’s not as… personal.”

“I understand.” Steve replied, letting out a long sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry we kept it from you. Don’t be mad at Bucky… he was concerned that it would upset you. He didn’t want to scare you.”

“I’m already scared.” You shook your head, hopping up on the machine and starting it at a normal-paced walk. Your nightmares hadn’t let up. They were worse, now, because your father’s bloody face had replaced the monster. You’d never felt scared of your father, before, and suddenly he was in your nightmares. “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know.”

“You’re right.” Steve started his machine at a brisk walk, warming up for his usual sprinting. “Also, if it makes you feel any better… I trust you…” He sped the machine up a little more, gesturing for you to do the same. “Not just as my assistant, but as the soulmate of my best friend.”

It did.

It made you feel a little better.

“Thanks, Steve.”

Fuck this cardio, you wanted Chipotle.

-----------------------------------

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY interrupted your dinner with Wanda in the kitchen, making the both of you jump. “Sargent Barnes is due to arrive in approximately five minutes.”

You lit up, feeling like you could breathe again, knowing that Bucky was coming back and was – hopefully – unharmed. “Thanks, FRIDAY. Any injuries?”

“None that require medical attention.”

You breathed out a long sigh, thankful that he was okay and glancing over to Wanda, “To be continued? I want to hear about your time with Vision.”

“To be continued.” She chuckled, sliding your plate over to her side of the table and digging in to your chicken, “Go see your man. You should finally kiss him. I’ll be disappointed if you don’t. It would be totally romantic. Some make-up romance.”

“Shut up.” You groaned at her, jumping out of your chair and thankful that you were not still in your work attire and heels. You’d been forced to take a shower, due to Tony accidentally spilling motor oil all down the front of you while you helped him with a project. “We’ll talk later.”

“Kiss him!” She yelled after you, as you took off in the direction of the staircase. “DO IT!”

You tried not to run, not wanting to make any of the agents believe that there was any danger, but you walked so briskly that some of the agents stared at you, anyways. That, and they always stared at you. You were Bucky’s soulmate, after all.

Ignoring them, you felt excitement bubbling up in your chest, not sure if it was yours, Bucky’s, or a combination of the two of you. Either way, you just wanted to see his face.

It had been a whole thirty hours since he’d left for his solo mission, and over seven days since you’d talked to him in person. You missed him. You just wanted to hug his stupid ass and steal him away from the team for the rest of the month… sadly, he’d have to go to debrief with Steve and Fury.

“Where’s the fire?” Tony joked as you jogged by him and Pepper standing in the hallway.

“Leave her alone, Bucky’s back from Puebla, today.” You heard Pepper scold, before rounding the corner.

Puebla? As in Mexico?

The hell was he doing in Mexico?

You yanked open the door leading to the landing pad, realizing that the jet was already landed and parked.

When you spotted him, your heart leapt, freezing you on the spot.

Bucky was standing there, talking to one of the mechanics, arm gleaming in the setting sun. Even though it was fairly brisk in the fall weather, he had removed the top half of his suit, standing there in a tight undershirt and his tactical pants.

As if he sensed your presence, his head turned, and his eyes went straight to your frozen form – which was shivering with your damp hair, tee shirt, and leggings. His face lit up into a large grin, and he gave you a small wave as he finished what he was saying to the mechanic.

He shook the woman’s hand, turning away from her and jogging over to where you were currently gawking. His face was streaked with dirt, little tendrils of hair falling into his face but promptly being pushed away by his dark, vibranium hand. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You replied, unable to keep your lips from lifting into a large grin. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

You couldn’t help yourself, as you rushed at him. You jumped up, throwing your arms around his neck as he caught you with a small laugh, and you buried your face into his neck. The stubble that had grown in the last week scratched against your cheek, as you breathed in his smell. A rush of relief shot through your veins, the skin of your tattoo tingling, as you tightened your arms around him. “I’m sorry.”

His arms, which had wrapped around your middle to hold you up, tightened as his cheek pressed against the side of your head. “I’m sorry, too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” You replied into his neck, voice muffled as tears welled up in your eyes. Why the fuck were you crying? “I’m an asshole.”

“No, you’re not.” He murmured, setting you down far enough so your feet touched the ground, but not letting go of you. “I’m an asshole for pushing you, even though you said you didn’t want to shoot guns. I never should’ve pushed.”

“Neither of us knew that I would freak out like that.” You sighed, never wanting to leave the cocoon of warmth that was surrounding you from his body. He was like your own personal heater in the brisk, fall weather. “I shouldn’t have ignored you. I was embarrassed about how I freaked out. I’m not good at talking about my own feelings… I didn’t know what to say, and I should’ve just talked to you. We agreed to talk about deep stuff, more. I’m sorry.”

He pulled back a little, after hearing the crack in your voice and realizing that there were tears wetting the collar of his shirt. “Hey, why are you crying, darlin’?”

You chuckled, leaving your arms around his neck as he gently wiped away your tears with his thumbs, the contrast of his warm flesh and cool vibranium leaving goosebumps on your arms – a shiver running down your spine. “Honestly? I don’t know. I never cry this much. You’re ruining me.”

“Crybaby.” He teased, pulling you back into his chest and pressing his face against the crown of your head. “Steve told me about the fight with Natasha… are you okay?”

You nodded, sagging a little in his embrace. “She… has her reasons for not trusting me. I get it. I feel bad about arguing with her.”

“Steve said she was being a bitch.” He snorted, vibranium hand running along the top of your back. “I should’ve told you about the files. I just… didn’t want to worry you. I could already tell that… the nightmares…”

“I forgive you. Just keep me informed, from now on, okay?” You shifted, leaning back so you could examine his face. “So… Puebla?”

“It was a useless trip. The lead was a dead end.” He sighed, hands shifting so they were holding your waist. He gave you a small smile, eyes crinkling in the corners in that cute way that they always did when he smiled. Even though his skin was covered in dirt and sweat, you had the urge to kiss him all over the face about a million times… but you weren’t quite in that part of your relationship, yet. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” You giggled, feeling giddy that you were finally in his arms, again.

“Like the sun shines outta’ my ass.”

You shook your head with a snort, rolling your eyes at him. “That was… colorful.”

“What can I say? I’m a real charmer.” He laughed, leaning forward so his forehead was pressed against yours. Your eyes slipped closed, as you felt the warmth of his breath against your face. “I really missed you, though. I… kinda’ felt empty all week. Like I was missing a piece of me.”

“Me, too.”

“I kind of can’t live without you, so please don’t go anywhere, okay?” He admitted, hands gliding down to the curve of your hips, making your breath hitch.

“I… can’t live without you, either.” You smiled, eyes still closed you felt the tip of his nose just barely brush against yours, and your breathing increased in speed, “I’m… happy you’re my soulmate.”

“I-”

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY interrupted him from your watch, making you jump back a little. “There seems to be a situation at the front entrance, and Mr. Stark requests your presence.”

“What the hell?” You frowned, letting Bucky go with a small huff of irritation. “FRIDAY, what’s going on at the front gate?”

“A woman claiming to be your mother has requested access through the checkpoint,” FRIDAY explained, “She refuses to leave until she sees you.”

“My mother?” Your body tensed, a feeling of dead leaving a pit in your stomach and making Bucky frown in confusion, “She’s… She’s here?”

Oh, shit…

Part 11

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If I missed you, before, I’m sorry! I have an awful organizational system for tags and I’m working on getting better! -Kristin

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