#herpes deserve herpes honestly fucK ]

[dakotafoxandtheobstacles]

I can't sleep even though I took my meds. I have been fighting tooth and nail to recover from my eating disorder. I can't even afford. I'm budgeting everything and so far so good. I am so patient. And I am losing it. I can't afford the treatment I need. The treatment I'm currently getting is inadequate for the sole reason I'm poor.

I keep thinking about Sam. His name is the only one I won't change in this diary because he doesn't deserve it. It has been over two years since he gave me herpes and then ghosted me and I still cannot get over how worthless and empty that has made me feel. If I ever see him again I might kill him just from the sheer rage that I feel towards him.

He took away the one thing I had to gain control because he couldn't wait a few hours to get his dick sucked. After the herpes diagnosis my eating disorder got so much worse in addition to the fact that I was living at home so already I was using behaviors. Besides restricting sex was the one way I felt I had some type of power or worth over myself and the world around me. And it's not just that he gave me an incurable std it's that he ghosted me immediately after.

He just discarded me like trash and all it did was reinforce the same messages that I've been hearing from the jump. I'm not actually worth anything. At any moment I will be abandoned again.

I don't know how to change these beliefs into thoughts when I have been presented with so much evidence that confirms those beliefs. Everytime I make a mistake that belief gets confirmed. I feel so out of control to the eating disorder and I can't even talk about it without crying. I feel so weak. I wish I could take off my body and put a new one on. This one is worthless. So people see me as worthless.

Fuck you Sam Hadley. You fucking ruined me and now I have to spend all of my fucking money putting myself back together. I hope every single time you piss it hurts you absolute scum of a human I fucking hate you. I hate you so fucking much I wish you were fucking dead I wish everyone who ever hurt me was fucking dead I am so fucking tired of having to clean up everyone else's messes none of this is my fuckin fault. I never fucking deserved the things that were done so why the fuck do I feel like I don't deserve anything now it doesn't make any fucking sense. I hope you choke on your own snot Sam. Ally I hope you fall down the fucking stairs. At this point I'm just waiting for a mom to die so I only have to deal w the anxiety of one. Dad I wish you never agreed to me in the first place. I wish I was never born. I wish I could go back in time and make sure I never happened.

I do t know how to feel like anything but this at this point I'm so fucking tired honestly just kill me in my sleep

[c-watches-too-many-shows]

Sorry I’m from before I meant 27 and 32

JJ Maybank Blurb

Prompt: 27. You know you’re in love with him/her, right? / 32. You’ve marked your territory so hard they’re scared to even say ‘hello’.

Here’s the ink to the prompt list! Feel free to send in any prompts you may like with the character you want!

Note: i love love love writing for jj

-

“I’m gonna kill you.” you said as you reached your group of friends, pointing your finger at JJ.

“Why? What have I done this time?” he said rolling his eyes. Your clenched jaw and narrow eyes already gave away how angry you were.

“What did you tell everyone? That I’m your girl? That I’ve got herpes or some shit? I honestly don’t know which one is worse!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he kept pretending he didn’t understand what was going on but he did. Your eyes narrowed, you knew it had to do with him, there was no other explanation. It didn’t take him long to break and admit it. “Ok, maybe I told some people that they should stay away if they didn’t want any trouble and I guess word got around.”

“You gotta be kidding me. You’re telling me you’ve marked your territory so hard they’re scared to even say ‘hello’? That’s what’s happening?” He looked away and didn’t answer but his smile grew and that’s all the probe you needed. “JJ!” you screamed and he started laughing. “It’s not funny!”

“It really is-” John B said but instantly shot up when you looked at him.

“Fuck you man it isn’t funny. I’m gonna go find some touron you haven’t brainwashed into avoiding me.” you said and turned around before trampling down the beach to the keggers where most of the people were.

“She’s really mad.” Pope stated as they all watch you make your way through the crowded beach.

“She’ll get over it by tomorrow.” JJ said, downplaying the whole situation. They all looked at him with arched brows, doubting he was right. “I’m doing her a favour anyway, none of these guys deserve her.” he added without giving it much thought, but he’d soon regret it. 

“And you do?” Kie’s question caught him off guard.

“I never said that.” he was quick to answer. 

“But you thought about it.” Pope teased him and he wasn’t wrong but JJ was not going to admit he did everything just save himself that ugly feeling that would come up whenever anyone else flirted with you. 

“You know you’re in love with her, right?” Kie said and his heart stopped. He knew she was right and sooner or later he’d have to deal with his feelings but he wasn’t ready so he did what he did best: deny everything.

“What? No! We’re friends!”

“You’ve never done something like that for me. Not that I want you to, I’m just pointing out it’s not just friendship.”

“Come on you’re overthinking it, it’s just a prank!” he said as he stepped away from his friends, quite literally running away from the topic.

“He’s so blind.” John B was the first to talk as they watched their friend walk away.

“Just give him time, he’ll figure it out soon.” Kie said. She knew JJ and how hard it was for him to deal with his emotions, but she believed in him.

“And what about her?” Pope said, now pointing at you. You had finally found a guy that didn’t completely evaded you when you started talking to him. You seemed pretty into the guy but your eyes would sometimes wander off and you’d end up staring at JJ who was talking with some girl. Kie noticed this and said:

“She already knows but she’s scared of what could go wrong.”

“Oh …” both boys gesticulated in unison.

“It’s really hard being the only one with a brain in this group.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #341

“anger, misery, you’ll suffer unto me”

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don't think so. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No, and I never would. Grow up. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yeah; guilt would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Fucking ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? No. Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? Ugh, no. Would most people consider you better than average looking? Ha, no. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? Give me the perfect body, living in my horrible one has affected my mental health badly enough. I'm fine with having a moderate IQ. I just want to feel happy in my own skin. Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Wow, no. Have you ever used a false ID? Also no. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to tell people I don't HAVE a job. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don't. I'm sure it was RP-related and not friendly, but I don't remember the exact convo. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? I want to say no; I think the lowest I ever got was a C. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Ugh, no. I'm sorry if you're into it, but I'm just not. I would want to ensure they knew their uniqueness and individuality was seen. Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? There's a large number of those kinds of people. What brings out the worst in you? Probably when I'm building up towards a PTSD meltdown. I get VERY short and snappy and am convinced everyone hates and wants to leave me. My mouth also has NO fucking leash, and I know I can say very mean things that I'll regret later. What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? Skittles. Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers for sure. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Waffles (with syrup). Don't knock it 'til you try it, I'm telling you. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Besides birds obviously, there's squirrels, deer, opossums, raccoons... Have you ever had a lucid dream? I think I've had just one. What's your biggest problem at the moment? Probably my anxiety having stunted my growth in so many areas. Have you ever turned down a job offer? I don't think so, no. What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I think my longest was almost two months for suicidal thoughts. Two months might sound long, but it was like... my third or so psych hospital stay for that same reason. What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Even the most simple math. I don't even know the majority of my elementary multiplication tables. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I have one there already, but I plan on getting it covered because it was an impulse tattoo that I feel no connection towards. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? My old house, yeah. Are you a beach, country, or city person? Country. Living in the suburbs has definitely reminded me of that... Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing, by a long shot. I make typos texting too much. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah. Who is the last person that you said "I love you" to, besides family members? Sara. When was your first real relationship? Sophomore year of high school to early college. Have you ever cried over an ex? I've cried the entire mass of water on Earth over an ex lmao. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I think I have once or twice, but obviously with consent. What’s a hobby you would like to try out? If my legs worked like actual legs and I didn't sweat like an absolute pig, I would like to try out herping, but without actually interacting with the animal like picking it up and scaring the daylights out of it. I'd just be happy enough looking for reptiles, amphibians, and inverts to photograph instead. Does that still even count as herping? What was the last event you attended? My youngest niece's birthday party. How about the last event you organized? I've never organized an event. What’s something you get excited about doing and want to do it right away? Whenever I take nature pictures, I'm immediately keen to get them into Lightroom and do the postproduction. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? Definitely not. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? If you exclude places like the zoo, that would probably be a rhinoceros beetle or something. Oh no, actually some kind of local moth I don't know the name of. They're beautiful big white boiz. How about the biggest spider? I might be mis-remembering, but I believe at a reptile convention I went to with Sara, one of the vendors had a goliath bird eater tarantula in one of the cups. I do know it was some tarantula species for sure, though. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad. Obviously not romantically, but him just splitting on the family with no proper communication absolutely broke my heart for years. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? I'm sure that would be my parents. If you exclude them 'cuz that's kinda obvious, I believe it was Aaron, my first boyfriend. I'm pretty sure we were together on Valentine's Day, because I remember getting him a giant Hershey's Kiss. First band you obsessed about? I wasn't truly obsessed with any band 'til Ozzy in middle school. Can you do a backflip? No; I've never tried and never will. I was and still am too afraid of breaking my neck. Like I have a MASSIVE fear of paralysis, particularly from the neck down; that fear is actually the biggest one that keeps me from driving, fun fact. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Of the two, definitely a pessimist, but I at least think I align most with being a realist. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I'm unsure. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? Yeah. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Just one. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Tyler once drew a picture of him and me. It was cute. That guy still dove in WAY too fast. Have you ever dated a redhead? I haven't, but I love redheads. Natural red hair is just gorgeous. What are your thoughts on facial hair on guys? Historically, I seem to generally like some, but it really depends on the guy's general appearance. I can like none at all or a full beard and mustache, it doesn't really matter to me. Did you go anywhere today? No; my mom is in Florida with her brothers totally cleaning out Grammy's house, so she's not here to take me anywhere. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yikes, I have a lot. I honestly can't count because I've lost track of how many boys and girls Katie has. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do? Jesus. I'd rather die; some things just aren't worth living after, and I'd have no desire to keep going if I killed my father. Did you ever cry at the end of King Kong? I've never watched it, actually, but I. LOVED. The video game. I haven't played it in years and only faintly remember how it ends, but I don't remember crying. Are you in any amount of pain at the moment? Quite a lot, actually. It's kinda a TMI subject so I won't delve into it, just know I'm hurting like a bitch. What was the last sugary thing you ate? I snacked on some chocolate chips earlier today... which I really shouldn't have done, but I think I had reasonable restraint and didn't totally binge. When was the last time you did something extremely stupid? Who knows, that's not a rare occurrence, it feels like. Have you been to any parties lately? Only my niece's bday party in February. Thankfully it was kept pretty small, given Covid; not that anyone in that family besides my sister gives a flying fuck about precautions, though... Can you touch your pinky to your thumb around your wrist? Ugh, no. Close, but not enough. I still have thin wrists and hands, but yeah, yay for being overweight. If you were to start a charity, what would you call it? I'd hve to put more thought than I'm willing for one survey question. I'd have to decide what KIND of charity I want to start first, which I'm unsure of. Probably something related to animal wellfare and conservation or something similar to the Trevor Project. Maybe LBGTQ+ youth disowned by their families... I dunno. There's so much good I wish I could do. Are you comfortable with your body? Holy fuck no. It's only gotten worse since I started gaining weight again and almost entirely erased all weight loss progress I'd made. What is your recent inside joke? Most recently made? Idk, man. I don't make those often. Would you rather be a human, vampire, or a werewolf? Er, I'm good with being a human. If I was a vampire or werewolf, I wouldn't exactly be very welcomed, I'm sure, and both have seemingly painful traits to cope with. Are you good at giving directions? It is absolutely impossible for me. I have NO sense of direction, like, at all. I don't know highway names, local exits, etc. etc. etc. etc. Why did you last curse? Pain when readjusting myself due to aforementioned issue I'm having. What is your purpose in life? I hope it involves animals and spreading words of peace and an appreciation for art. What is one of your weak points? I'm very, very, very dependent on others. I'm really working on trying to correct that. I can barely do shit on my own as is. Who was the last person you heard snoring? My cat, haha. Would you rather shower by yourself or with another person? 100% by myself. Another person would just get in the way and make me VERY self-conscious of my body, even if it was my romantic partner. Just please leave me alone to hate myself for 10 minutes. :^) What was your last addiction? You could say my current one is John Wolfe, a really funny let's player I've gotten into. Been bingeing some of my favorite games he has playlists of for a few weeks now. You are in a tank full of spiders, what do you do? Well one, I'd like to know what kind they are. Venomous? Harmless? You gotta give me the details. If I don't have any, then I'm admittedly freaking the fuck out, even though I know I should stay very calm when trying to get out. Fear would win, though. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you? Saving the world from what? But odds are, yeah. I don't cherish my pretty damn mediocre life more than I do the lives of what, 8 billion people? Have you ever stayed up all night just to talk to someone? Yeah. When was the last time you eavesdropped someone? I kinda do that sometimes when Mom's on the phone and I can hear her from my room, and if they're on speaker. Particularly if the subject is me. When was the last time you went to a club? I've never been to one. How have you been sleeping? Poorly. Are you adopted? No, I'm not. Do you like scrapbooking? Not really, no. Do you collect anything valuable? "Valuable to me." <<<< This. Nothing of great monetary worth, though. Have you ever been beaten up? No, thankfully. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't think so, in my personal life. What was the last thing you killed? An ant. Have you ever used someone for money? I never could, no. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Sigh, it's been many many years. I'm so ready to get my goddamn legs back in shape so I can go again, this time with a REAL camera, too. Last time I went was when I still only had a Kodak EasyShare; I have a professional Canon camera now with much more education on photography too, so I would be in absolute heaven with at least twenty memory cards in need, haha. Maybe next fall... Is there a teacher you hate more than anything? I actually never had a teacher I hated in my entire school career. It really, really is as simple as just being a respectful student. In most cases, I should emphasize, because I do understand some educators just suck. Now I had some teachers I wasn't very fond of, but most certainly none that I hated. Do you own colored eyeliner? No. Do you have manners? I honestly think I'm very mannerly. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? We last had to put my dog Teddy down; he had cancer and was literally withering away. I knew in my very core that even if we didn't bring him to the vet to euthanize him, he would've died naturally in a very short period of time; I doubt he would've survived another night. Now I'd like to move on. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination of Vraylar and Lamictal is the reason I'm alive. It keeps my bipolarity and depression under control. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but those are some of my favorite crafts visually. They're very pretty and cute. Can you see the mountains from where you live? Oh hunny, I wish. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? As a kid, yeah. I don't anymore. I'm not really even a fan of April Fool's Day as an adult because of how cruel some jokes assholes play are. Which instrument would you play if you could learn to play one? Maybe violin. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? The left. What are some names you like that start with the first letter of your name? Uhhhh Bianca, Braelynn (look I know it's so stereotypically Southern but it's pretty)... and idk from there, those are the two that come to mind first.

[delightfulmakertidalwave]

Black women's Standards are too low and now they're teaching young black girls to have low standards too and ain't that depressing? 🤔🙁☹️

When I turned 16 and became a young women my older sisters, big cousins and older black girls in general started letting me in on their conversations about boys.

When they asked me to describe my dream man I started out big. I was all like, "He MUST have a job. He MUST be handsome, he MUST listen to what I have to say, he MUST be healthy, never lay a finger on me and be faithful. That's all I ask for" I honestly thought that I was being reasonable at the time.

They told me I was being unreasonable

And I thought that they were right. I was 16 after all. A 16 year old doesn't really need a dude with his finances in order. Most boys my age aren't handsome cause puberty isn't doing them any favors

No man ever listens and they all cheat anyways. So what's the point?

But now I'm older and when I had the SAME standards the black women in my life laughed at me again. They told me THEIR MEN, cheat on them. Have put hands on the in the past should they have had that same inclination, aren't the most handsome men, aren't healthy and they are supported by their women and it had me fucked up for a while.

Like my standards at this point are so low, all I ask is that you don't have some incurable shit like herpes. And even then I sound like I'm asking too much.

And the way black men talked about how demanding boujee black women are honestly had me believing that I didn't deserve the best even if I was the best.

Even if I WAS nice to look at, employed, supportive, ect. Even if I fit the standards I wanted, according to the women in MY LIFE good black men aren't real and even if they were they wouldn't go for me.

But isn't it sad tho? That black women because of their own experiences with black men they have now lowered their standards and are teaching their daughters, little sisters and baby cousins the same.

Don't look for the cream of the crop. You don't deserve it. You should just settle for whatever broke, violent, unemployed, unfaithful dusty negro you get and be happy about it.

@blackgirlsreverything @blackgrlsaremagic @zeedaye @blackgirlsclub @blackwomenconfessions @blackwomenexcellence @blackfemininity @high-maintenancee @blackfeminismlives

[celticheartedfangirl]

My OUAT Rewatch -- S4E22 and 23 -- Operation Mongoose, Parts 1 & 2

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Bobby looks about as done with this season as I am.  I know Michael Socha was done with it -- literally -- but we’ll get to that later.

This is gonna be long.  So have a seat, pour yourself a drink or seven, and get ready.  I’m not holding back . . . . . . 

First of all, I debated about whether I should review this as one or two episodes.  I decided to go with one, and will do this going forward with any episodes that have the same title and are part 1,2, 8 million, whatever.  Trust me, at times it SEEMED like 8 million.

First thing I want to address is a bunch of fandom wank nonsense that came out of this episode -- namely the idea that RUMPLE wrote the story.  Let me make this perfectly clear:

Rumple DID NOT WRITE THIS STORY.  Isaac did.  Rumple told him what HE, personally, wanted.  Isaac took it from there.  Rumple didn’t write Isaac as a famous douchebag author, and he sure as hell wouldn���t have given fucking ZELENA a wedding in the story, he’d have killed her off in a painful but well-deserved death.  Ditto Hook.  So if you still actually think Rumple wrote this story, my recommendation to you is that you back out of this post now.  And you should probably stay off my blog in general.  Because frankly, I think you are wrong and stupid and we are not compatible in any way.  Got it?

Looking at YOU, some RUMBELLE FANS who actually did this shit:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118193570842/i-am-stunned-to-see-some-rumbelle-fans-bitching

Okay, so there’s THAT.  Next . . . 

So this episode was A&E’s attempt at META.  And frankly, they SUCK at it.  It didn’t come off as funny, it came off as making fun of the fans.  No spoilers, ha ha ha .  . . . . . . for those not in the know, back when the show was airing, Adam’s go to answer to fans on Twitter was #nospoilers.  So the whole Isaac so thing was basically a dig at the FANS.  

So there’s THAT.

The entertainment media was shitting all over Rumbelle before the finale, which pissed me off enough to make this post:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118484723732/when-and-why-exactly-did-rumbelle-become-the

And this comment:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118467157702/ouat-finale-your-burning-relationship-questions

And then there’s THIS:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118658755342/omg-ae-dig-the-knife-in-why-dont-you

Yes, in case you weren’t clear, dead is DEAD (we’ll revisit this thought in S5), Neal ain’t coming back, suck on it all of you who don’t like that!  Love, Adam and Eddy.  

Also, in other bullshit news, regarding who taught Henry to sail a ship:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118655893997/henry-no-your-father-taught-you-that

And THIS:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118660507567/what-the-fuck-they-left-rumple-on-the-floor-but

Revisiting May 2015 me is making current me stabby.  And I haven’t even mentioned the entire town of dumbasses herp-derping around and partying at Granny’s while Rumple is dying and could be a meat suit for the ultimate evil of all evils any second now.  Morons.  

Let’s talk about the stuff I DID enjoy . . . . 

Evil Snow was a riot!  

Bandit!Regina was fantastic.  

And this guy:

Gotta love Knight!Rumple!  

Also, I will admit . . . . . Hook was more useful in useless mode in the AU than he’s ever been in Hook mode outside of the AU.  Does that make sense?  

So there’s all of that.  Overall this 2-part thing was part good stuff, mostly hot mess, and a lot of middle fingers waved to the fans from the writers.  But tally comes later.  NOW is the time to address the Michael Socha issue:

Right about now, dearie.  Will Scarlett is gone.  You will never see him or hear about him again.

(Side note:  Made an error in my last review.  I honestly did not remember AT ALL that we saw Lily again in this episode, both in person form or in dragon form.  Which tells you how much of an impression that made on me.  Anyhoo, my bad.  I goofed.  NOW she’s gone for good.)

So what was the deal with Will Scarlett anyway?  

Well . . . . nobody knows.  We’ll probably NEVER know.  You see, Will Scarlett was one of the breakout characters from the spinoff Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, and when that got canceled, someone -- really not sure who -- thought it’d be an awesome idea to plunk him onto OUAT.  

There were many schools of thought on this, the primary one being that ABC wanted him for something and wanted to keep him on contract.  That was 2014.  I’m typing this in 2020, and there’s still no Michael Socha show on ABC.  So that was a load of horse shit -- or else Socha told ABC to fuck off and hightailed it back to England.  My money is on the latter.  

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/115784240042/honest-question-why-did-they-bring-will-onto

But the issue isn’t even that they didn’t do fuck-all with Socha -- it’s the LIES that these assholes (they being A&E) told.  So here’s where my receipts come in.  You ready?  Got your popcorn?

First of all there’s this lovely article -- Will is mentioned by all of it is just glorious in general:

https://oncecrazy.tumblr.com/post/118843079631/the-26-things-the-castwriters-promised-would

What is so HIGHlarious about all of this is that almost all of the articles that existed about the whole Will Scarlett thing -- no longer EXIST!

The highlight is Zap2it -- which is a now defunct fan site that A&E liked to go prattle to.  

So Frick and Frack promised us we’d find out how Belle & Will got together.  I have this:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/424464333605771793/#

And I have this:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/113163777872/once-upon-a-time-belle-and-the-knave-are-a-new

I also have a bunch of people I KNOW can confirm they saw this interview full of bullshit before it got erased.  Please show yourselves!  

But fear not -- I have an ACTUAL receipt from Mr. Socha himself:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/140658788782/apparently-michael-socha-got-screwed-over-by-ouat

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/140624375357/hes-a-good-bloke-i-saw-him-at-the-comic-con

I’m grateful someone had the idea to type it out, because sadly the link to that article was DELETED, which makes me think Socha got in trouble for that interview.  Because shortly after that, a more watered down interview with him was posted in its place and THAT is still up:

https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/ustv/a785951/michael-socha-confirms-once-upon-a-time-exit/

Interesting, no?

Whatever the case -- Socha got royally fucked over by OUAT, for no good reason.  His character was a plot device.  What a waste and what an insult to the man who just wanted to work.  Fuck these assholes.  

So anyhow, there are the receipts, and we are now at the end of the clusterfuck that was Season 4.  

Speaking of clusterfucks . . . . onward to Season 5.  

Lord, give me strength . . . . . 

Points tally:

40 points to start

10 points for Rumbelle kiss

10 points for Rumbelle hug

5 points for Swan Queen

3 points for Papafire, at least it got mentioned

5 points for Belle in character

5 points for Rumple in character

5 points deducted for Hook

5 points deducted for Zelena

I really can’t justify adding or deducting anything bonus.  Just get me out of this season, please and thank you.

Total points:  68

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

So I'm registered on like.... Every possible organ and fluid donation list there is. Even poop. Not kidding. I consider it the bare minimum (for myself) of living in a society - we exist to help each other, dammit. So if part of me can help someone else, I'm there. And I'm a registered organ donor in the event of my death, as well.

Bone marrow? Check. Random organs? Check. Blood? Check. I'm on so many registries. And I'm herpes-negative with A+ blood (one of the most common types), so I try to donate regularly, because for people with suppressed immune systems, my blood could be the difference between recovery and a slow death.

Of course I would help. That's a human being. I've got perfectly good blood and a spare kidney and a functioning liver and great bone marrow and apparently weird poop so I can't help with that but like. That's a living, breathing person. If I can help that living, breathing person, I will. (Out of choice, mind. I don't blame people for not wishing to do this; being a living donor is a serious commitment.)

Today, because we found out Ashley had gotten transferred to Las Vegas, I was doing the rounds, informing some of her friends. She, within the last year or so, had made a lot of friends via Fortnite and some other online games, and one in particular she'd gotten really close to. He and his mom we going through Some Shit and so when she had money, she would order them pizza or Instacart them groceries and shit. Not enough to screw her over, but enough to help them.

(This is why Ashley's sentence in prison pisses me off so much. Yes, she was involved in gambling embezzlement. She Robin-Hooded a multimillion dollar company - for less than half a percentage point of their net income for 2019. She didn't get a whole lot out of the deal, considering, but she mostly used it... To help people. She fixed my car. She paid my rent. She got me a flight home when I was stranded at LAX. She's a good person, but no one cares about that, or that she's a nonviolent criminal, or that this is her first offense ever. The judge just wants to look Tough On Crime during an election year.

Eat the fucking rich.)

Anyway, this guy has had a lot of money and health issues the last year or two, and he misses Ashley and Madison insanely - about as much as I do, honestly. Which is a lot, because I feel like parts of me are missing right now. Her buddy, J, feels the same way.

Today, I found out he has renal cancer.

Fucking awesome. I'm already trying not to cry and now this, right?

I told him that if he could think of anything I could do to help, to please let me know. That I'm good at dealing with bureaucracy and good at paperwork and stuff. He assured me he was fine, but I checked and he has my blood type! So I just told him that if he winds up needing a transplant, to lmk and I can take the match test.

Like. If I'm willing to donate a kidney to a total stranger, of course I'm going to help one of my sister's best friends. He needs to be alive and kicking so that Ashley can see him whenever she gets out, and so Madison can say hi whenever she visits us next. He deserves the extra time on earth, just like most people do.

So anyway the tldr is that I think he thinks generosity is just a Gonzales family trait at this point lol. But it isn't. We don't screw ourselves over to help people, we just do what we can. Often that's not a lot. But if we can ease suffering, we have an obligation to at least consider it, right?

This is a rambling, sleep-med induced way of saying: today, try being kind to one another. Today, make it a habit to be generous where you can be.

Please. The world needs more kindness in it, and I don't know how much I have left to give.

Oh, and make pen pals with prisoners.

[littlemisskookie]

The Story of Us

The Story of Us Ship: Hoseok | Reader Description: The story of your relationship with Jung Hoseok. Warning: Fluff, Angst, Slight Mentions of Fluff, Cracky Humor Word Count: 6,231

Day 1

I met a boy today.

Yesterday, to be more precise. Exactly 5 hours and 48 minutes from ago, from the moment that I'm writing down these words.

I've never really started a journal before- well, more accurately, I've never finished one. I've attempted and started various times, but I'd eventually lose interest or be too busy and never get back to it. Therefore, one of my many New Year Revolutions that no one actually intends to keep, was to start a diary again- and to finish.

Saying diary sounds so girly and feminine- makes me want to cringe. But what's wrong with feminine things? I like feminine things occasionally. Maybe the social justice warrior in me simply believes that this world's gotten to toxic on its synonymous meanings behind masculinity and strength.

I know it seems as though I'm rambling, but this exact topic is what brought me to the boy I've met.

His name is Jung Hoseok.

The name looks so pretty as I write it down. It's also so pretty, the way it rolls off my tongue. Sort of like those movie stars or singers with names that just sound like they were destined to be famous.

Believe it or not, Hoseok's face is even prettier than his name. I was half-wasted at someone's New Year's Eve party- I can't even remember who's it was already, can you believe that?- feeling mopey at the thought of having to down another shot instead of having a New Year's kiss like the fellow drunks around me. I just didn't want to randomly sexually assault some guy, grabbing him by the collar and smashing his face against mine out of self-pity. No, men deserve the same respect we should expect. Therefore I'm not going to shove my tongue down someone's throat like a sleazy frat douche.

So continuing along, I've got warm beer on the collar of my shirt due to my utter lack of coordination, and I turn and bump into a man. If he were across the room, I wouldn't have noticed him, probably because my vision's very hazy with this much booze, and he'd look similar to the pad of my thumb. Up close though... Writing can't do him justice.

But that smile. God, I think I melted. I don't believe in love at first sight, mind you- just infatuation and/or lust. I'll clarify, however, that my legs went to utter mush when I saw him. He seemed as radiant as the sun, warming the room despite it being a freezing winter day.

And I was the idiot who literally fell for him. See what I did there? Not figuratively of course- God, it's too soon for that. I'm not going to start naming our kids or some bullshit like that. (Astrid if it's a girl, Lucas if it's a boy.)

I'm sure he was just thinking, "Wow, look at this hot mess. I pity whoever's floor she's passing out on."

Or maybe that's just what he wanted to say.

Instead, like the true gentleman, I'm sure he was pretending to be, he rights me up and holds me firmly to make sure I don't make another klutzy accident. "Woah, are you alright? It seems like you've had too much to drink."

Let me tell you, his hands were so firm, with veins along the top, and his jawline was so sharp, and his cologne- oh dear God, he smelt nothing like the sixth grade boys who poured an entire bottle over their head in the locker room- he knew how to actually put on cologne! I wanted nothing more than to fall again and have another 'accident' by slipping right on his penis.

Of course, I didn't actually say that- he'd probably think I was psycho. Instead, I said, "Oops," and blushed profusely. "I suppose you're right."

As soon as he was sure I could stand on my own he looked deeply into my eyes and said- "Wow, your pupils are super dilated. I should get you some water to help you sober up."

Romantic right? Like the polite way of saying, "Holy crap, you look like a hot piling piece of shit right now! What a mess, I'm going to take pity on you so that you don't end up getting kidnapped while wandering through the streets." That would be a way to start off the year.

I simply nodded along dumbly as he told me to wait right where I was, and true enough, within a few seconds he's back with a bottle of water- unopened- and hands it to me. I thank him for it, and as I unscrew the cap- a very tight cap, mind you, that's how I know it's unopened. I'm terrible at opening unopened caps- someone bumps into me.

I should probably mention at this moment that I had decided to wear a white turtleneck to this New Year's Eve party. While I'd normally dress like a proud 50-year-old mom reliving her bimbo days as she's drunk at some retirement home party, where she works part-time, I instead chose to go the more practical route and dress warmly. Otherwise, my nipples would get so hard they'd burst from my shirt and say, "Hello, world!"

Of course, I'm sure you know that white clothing + water is never a good thing. Especially if you're wearing a black bra underneath said clothing. Therefore Hoseok quickly froze up, ushered me outside onto the balcony so we could be away from the crowd- and somehow, I'm too drunk to remember- got this big ass parka and draped it over me. Of course, being partially soaked and in the freezing cold in winter, isn't exactly the best case scenario. However, I didn't want to be that asshole who was like, "Thanks for the help, but you really made things worse." That, and I was looking to get wet somewhere else because of this guy if you catch my drift.

"Thank you," I say, bundling up. I know the parka is his because it smells like his cologne. I want to bury myself in it like the obsessive hermit I am.

Hoseok just smiles at me and shrugs, as if it's no big deal, which it totally isn't. "No problem, glad to help. You kind of seemed out of it."

"What's your name?"  I questioned, unaware that I was about to be more blessed than the Holy Trinity itself once he dropped it.

"Hoseok. Jung Hoseok. And you?"

"Y/N."

His cheeks were so rosy from the cold outside- and probably because I also took his fucking parka- but I'm going to fantasize it was because of me instead. "Y/N," he said. "I like it."

It's a brief moment, and silence hangs between us. You know when you meet someone for the first time, and you don't know what to talk about, because you don't know anything you have in common yet? It was like that. I was just itching to find something to say, but when you're buzzed, it's sort of hard to figure out the right words or questions. I'm usually much better at these sort of things- just ask the middle school friends I used to have- I was a fucking wiz at truth or dare.

We hear shouting from inside, and the moment is over. 10!...9!...8!...7!...6!...

Hoseok looks to me for a second, and I'm pretty sure he was actually blushing this time. I feel my heart begin to pound a bit faster at the thought that he's going to kiss me, and I feel gleeful! Like a school girl instead of someone who's going to work hungover tomorrow.

"Can I kiss you?"

Yes yes yes!

"Sure." I say it in a way that sounds as though I would've followed it with 'whatever'. I'm surprised I kept my chill, seeing that in my head I was bouncing on the balls of my feet.

5!...4!...3!...

He leans in, and I can smell the cologne much stronger now, as though he applied it just below his ears, where his jawline curved upward.

2!...

Was this it? Was I going to get a New Year's kiss? I should've asked if he had herpes first.

1!...

He gives me a peck on the cheek. it's warm, and it makes me feel warm despite the bitter air stinging my cheeks, but it's warm nonetheless. Honestly, I prefer the fact he kissed my cheek instead of kissing me on the lips. Sure, I was slightly disappointed at the time, but now that I write this before heading to work, with a mild migraine and a sober mind, I'll tell you why the cheek was better.

He knew I was drunk, and if he were to kiss me or do anything further, it would've been taking advantage of my state. Secondly, a kiss to the cheek is harmless. It's cute, it's innocent, it's... sweet. I feel somewhat guilty for wanting to jump his bones at that moment, but it was the sweetest thing! Adorable, truly.

The moment is ingrained in my head, but the minute the clock struck twelve, everything else seemed to speed up. Before I knew it, I was writing in way-too-big-handwriting along his forearm, in sharpie, my number. He called me an Uber, and then I wake up in bed with a pounding headache and a message in my phone of a 'Hey' and a smiley face, with a little ramble about how he met me at the party and who he was. As if I could forget! (Scratch that, I could totally forget, drunk me is stupid enough.)

I've got to get to work, but something about this guy makes me feel elated.

Day 7

Mr. Jung Hoseok and I just went on a date.

A. Date.

Let me clarify if you didn't get that right.

A.

Date.

Got it? Good.

We've been texting for a week and such, and he's so much sweeter and funnier through texts. He likes my sense of humor- despite how raunchy and weird I am, though it wasn't what he initially expected- and he's a lot more outgoing than I expected. He's louder than I thought- even through the phone when we called. My friends think I'm going fast since I called him, but I think it's silly. We haven't even kissed yet, who cares?

Oh, yes, the date! I should explain that.

So we decide to meet at this ice rink at the zoo. Every year they open one up right next to the ostriches- y'know, those big weird birds that vaguely resemble feet and look like they want to kill you? Those. Hoseok totally agreed on my sentiment about that- he said he was scared of ostriches when he was a kid. I said me too! (Total lie, I grabbed a pigeon once, not a good day for 6-year-old me.)

I wait for him in the middle of the ice rink, on my skates, and I see him slowly skating towards me. I look like the living embodiment of the marshmallow man- is that what he's called? That big giant statue thing with the donut that comes to life in Ghostbusters? Whatever, then the tire man they use for those tire commercials, you know the one. He looks like he could model for Abercrombie and Fitch. I was slightly scared that my drunken state had overglorified his in-person glory, but low and behold, he does not look remotely like a thumb! He looks like a fucking god!

And he asked me on a date!

So naturally, my first thought is, "Wow, what an idiot. Someone call Ursala because we've got a poor unfortunate soul over here."

My second thought is, "Wow, where did he get those earmuffs? I want some of those." (His grandma knitted them.)

My third thought was, "Holy shit, I'm falling!"

Sure enough, my butt landed so hard on the ice that I was sure it was going to crack, and all the little kids skating around us would be sunk into the depths of the ice rink. That or my ass would get frostbite. Instead, Hoseok laughed his ass off and reluctantly helped me up whilst wiping the tears off of his face so they wouldn't freeze like icicles.

Other than that blunder, which I can laugh about now, it went great. Our hands made us feel like we were both toddlers with thick fingers that resemble those cartoony ones, plump and fat with the mittens or gloves we wore, clasped around the other's as we skated along. Well, I was attempting to more or less- I'm not the best skater. He was mediocre, but every time he fell I made sure to jeer a good amount as payback before helping him. up. I enjoyed his company and he even laughed at my crude humor. Picture that, a decent guy actually liking me! I thought I was just a magnet for assholes, but here we are!

I went home with a smile on my face and possible frostbite on my ass, and a guarantee for a second date next weekend.

Day 29

Jung Hoseok finally kissed me.

I had kicked my roommate out so that I could watch a movie with him at my place. We were watching We're the Millers, an American classic in my opinion, with my humor down to the T. Hoseok laughed at it too, and it wasn't even the fake laugh you'd expect when you're forced to watch a movie you don't even enjoy. He snorted. Do you know how hard it is to fake a snort? A genuine snort? Like the one where you sound like a pig? God, he was an adorable pig.

It was the part where the kid made out with both his mother and sister I got to thinking- Hey, why hasn't Hoseok kissed me yet? We weren't official or anything, and there was no rush- hell, we were adults, not horny teenagers. But I figured it would've happened by now.

Maybe he could sense I was getting a little confused when I started breathing on my wrist to see if my breath smelled bad. (I had made sure to chew minty gum before the date, just in case.)

The entire night went by before anything happened, and I admit, I felt a little disappointed that he hadn't kissed me yet. I was walking him out of the building (because I didn't want him to be attacked by rapists or anything) and waving goodbye to him as he walked to his car when suddenly he froze in his tracks. My first thought was that he saw a rapist, but instead, he turns around and marches to me, a determined look in his eye, and he kisses me. He kisses me, and he kisses me, and he kisses me. His hands are on either side of my face as he pulls me in, and I didn't care at that moment that my nipples were probably poking through my shirt, or that my hands were so cold they were numb, I just kissed him right back, with my minty breath and everything.

Needless to say, I'm ecstatic to do it again.

Day 40

I'm officially Jung Hoseok's girlfriend.

We were both laying on the couch, my legs sprawled over his as we watch a movie he likes, a Japanese film named Let Me Eat Your Pancreas. (Stupid title, but I swear it's good.)

Suddenly the question pops up.

"Why haven't you asked about our relationship title?"

Strangely enough, it's not overthinking me who asks this question- it's him. Hoseok who simply goes with whatever I suggest despite my antics.

I simply shrug. "I guess we never got around to discussing it. I mean... I really like you. Do you like me?"

Hoseok laughs hard at that. "Are you kidding? I've liked you since I met you- heads over heels, in fact. I thought I was being obvious."

God, you should've seen the stupid grin plastered over my face. I looked like I had just committed a felony and gotten away with it. The same look my aunt would always wear at family reunions.

"Well, if we both like each other, why don't we date exclusively. Like boyfriend and girlfriend?" I question. "With me playing the part of the boyfriend, of course."

Hoseok snorts at that- that pig laugh again- of course.

"Then it's settled," I grinned.

"So you're officially asking me to be your boyfriend?"

"More like proclaiming, but whatever you want to call it," I shrug.

Hoseok laughs at that, shaking his head as he turns his attention back to the film. "Proclaiming," he murmurs.

Day 65

I can officially say that I've sat, sucked, and held Jung Hoseok's penis.

And by God, is it a blessing. I'm pretty sure his balls are even more symmetrical than most- and I've touched a lot of balls.

That sounded weird.

Alright, let me just get into what happened. We had been waiting a little while for it to come up- not that we had a schedule, but it wasn't the heated spontaneous moment they show in movies. We were in a heated makeout session, like usual, groping and grinding and all of that good stuff. I was grinding as though he were coffee beans.

Well, the gist of it was that he suddenly pulled back and raised his brows, giving me a questioning look. "Do you want to?" he asked quietly.

We had been dating a bit less than a month if you only count when we were official. But it didn't feel as though it were too soon in my opinion. So I simply kissed him again and asked what he was waiting for. Being the good roommate I was, I didn't let jizz get all over the couch, since it can be a bitch to clean up on that sort of material, and instead lead him to my bedroom.

Maybe I should keep it vague and pull a Donna by placing dot dot dot. But seeing how blatant I have been in this journal about my desire to jump his bones since I met him, I think I won't.

He gave good head. Good everything really. I think he liked the part where I slurped his dick like it was a melting popsicle in July the most. He didn't partake in pillow talk after the deed was done, though. The devil's tango, if you will. The horizontal hula dance- sorry, I'm getting off topic. He fell asleep. Maybe he nutted so hard it sent his consciousness to another dimension. So instead I smiled, kissed his nose, went to pee and snuggled beside him.

Day 117

Hoseok loves me.

I love him too, no doubt. We've been dating for months at this point.

The way it happened was kind of funny, really. I think our entire relationship is, in a sense. We were on the phone and he's away on some business trip. It was probably 3 AM or something, but I was up doing work and he's the type who doesn't feel like hanging up, willing to simply bathe in someone's presence, even if it's only through a screen. He's extroverted like that- he can't stand not having human interaction.

It was when I was yawning, finally wrapping up my work, and Hoseok, though two hours behind me, was getting tired, too. Both of us agreed to hang up, and as he was saying goodbye he accidentally blurted, "Good night, I love you." As soon as he realized what he had admitted, his eyes were the size of golf balls, and he kept murmuring, 'shit shit shit'. In his flustering movements and embarrassment, he dropped the phone, and whilst picking it back up he accidentally hung up.

I, meanwhile, was boisterously laughing the entire time. After the tears dried off my face I squealed to myself, smiling despite everything as I decided first thing when he came back I'd tell him that I felt the same. I had been wondering how to properly address it, but, then again, our relationship isn't exactly the smoothest.

God, I love that fucking dork.

Day 120

I told Hoseok I loved him.

I did it in a really cute way, being the very extra person I am. As I was picking him up from the airport, I decided to make a sign, the same way rich people make their butlers to hold up signs with their last names without anything better to do. On the sign, I put glitter and hearts and pink- trying to make it seem as corny as possible. It said 'Jung, I love you 2'. To top it all off, I had a heart-shaped balloon tied to my left wrist.

Hoseok laughed the moment he saw it, knowing it was just like me to go outrageously above and beyond with this gesture. He dropped his bags and came up to me, hoisting me in the air as though we were in some sort of romcom, and kissed me like it was the first time in years, and in between each kiss he mumbled, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Some people were glaring at the PDA, and the fact I was spreading the glitter from the sign everywhere, but I didn't care. I just cared about the fact that he was back, and he was home, and he was in my arms.

Day 352

Hoseok and I live together now. It's finally been settled. The last box from my now ex-roommate's apartment has been removed, and my toothbrush now sits in the same little cup as Hoseok's does. We spend so much time at each other's places, it was bound to happen. We already act like an old married couple, so I simply asked, "Hey, what would you think if we moved in together?"

He was surprisingly all in for it. He helped me pack and move my things, and here we both are, unpacking my clothes and dividing the drawers so I can cram clothes I no longer wear and lacy underwear I've never worn in the wedges and cracks. Hoseok doesn't complain though- instead of calling me out saying, "You wear the same bra and sweatpants every day, why do you need all of these shorts with writings on the ass?" To which I'd reply, "Fuck off, it was the 2000's." No, he simply says, "You can get the drawers on the left, and I'll get the ones on the right."

I think we work well together so far- but lord knows that living with Hoseok will change things.

The guy puts the toilet paper under instead of over. I'm living with a sociopath- might as well be Jake Paul!

Day 405

Today is my one year anniversary with Hoseok.

My boss forced me to stay late at work, and because of the shitty cellular reception, I was unable to call Hoseok to explain the situation. One of the employees I was supposed to manage severely fucked up, therefore I was the one who was forced to clean up their mess. The boss kept their hawk eyes on me the entire time, as though they blamed me for what had happened, and was scared I'd screw up again. I didn't even have time to whip out my phone to tell Hoseok I was going to be late. It was a pity, too, seeing as he was so excited about whatever surprise he had prepared for me.

By the time I got home, it was far later than usual, and there was dripping wax from the candlelit setup, and the pancakes- my favorite- were cold. Hoseok had fallen asleep at the table, wearing a cute apron and still clutching his phone in his hand.

I felt so guilty for missing our anniversary. Once I woke him up, I apologized profusely, trying to explain the situation. He was groggy, barely understanding what I was saying. I could feel how neglected he felt so, how betrayed and sad. Even when I showed him the tickets to the game he wanted to see- damn good tickets, too- he seemed depressed and sulky. He won't talk to me now, instead giving me a kiss and saying he'd go to bed.

I feel terrible.

Day 456

Hoseok and I got into a fight today.

It was over nothing, really. I forgot what it was over in the first place, but it escalated pretty quickly.

Somehow the conversation deterred to how his parents disapprove of me and how I don't seem to truly love him some days- that I don't take our relationship seriously.

I was sobbing by the end of it, my voice hoarse as I asked him to name examples. I couldn't deny what he said though- but he made it seem as though I put work over him. Not just the anniversary blunder, but the canceling of plans and making him feel neglected or unloved. The best I could fire back with was how his mother always glared at me and made me feel uncomfortable when we went to visit her, and I felt like some whore she thought was taking advantage of her son.

We're both going to bed angry to cool off- but I think it's for the best. I still feel the adrenaline surging throughout me in anger at his words. I hope we can fix this by tomorrow.

Day 623

Apparently Hoseok is cheating on me.

Ridiculous, right? I don't even believe it myself.

A girl friend of mine called me over to come hang out- said it was urgent. I just thought that if she was getting engaged she might as well tell me over the phone.

I think anyone gets a sense of dread when someone says the words, "I have to tell you something," or "I need to talk to you." It just rises panic.

But I wasn't prepared for this.

She says she saw Hoseok with another girl yesterday.

That's ridiculous. I laughed and told her she probably saw someone else and left it at that. Still, curiosity and dread clawed at me. Hoseok and I have been getting in more arguments lately- but surely he wouldn't cheat, right?

I went to confront him- no, no, ask is more correct- about my friend's suspicions. But he was so tired, I just sent him to bed. No doubt he had a long day at work. Besides, I trust Hoseok. There's no way he'd do something like that. The boy who was too afraid to kiss me on the lips he gave me a peck on the cheek? A cheater? Ha! I even laugh as I write this, it's so preposterous.

I'm sure everything's fine.

I hope.

Day 645

I believe Hoseok is cheating on me.

I can't even say it out loud and I'm writing it down.

We've gotten into a lot of fights lately, sure. How I'm too insensitive and don't take anything seriously, to how he focuses too much on work and doesn't acknowledge the hard work I'm putting in. It starts with the small stuff, like what Netflix show to watch, and it slowly escalates. It's been like this for a few months, but goddammit, I love him. I've been with him for so long.

I don't know what to do.

He's been late from work a lot more than usual these past few weeks. I didn't care- more time for me to be away- but then I got suspicious.

Today I found a pair of underpants that aren't mine. This red, skimpy thong. I haven't touched any of my lingerie since I moved in, I never felt the need to impress him after we began letting go. Lord knows he has. So I know it's not mine- and I'll be damned if he's wearing sexier thongs than I am.

No, I don't feel in the mood to be funny. I can't. I can't crack a joke and pretend everything's some comedy skit on SNL. My boyfriend of over a year is sleeping with another woman and it fucking hurts.

I think I'm going to go to bed.

Day 679

"Leave him," they say. "He's a cheating bastard."

I can't deny that bit. I know it- he knows it- we're just still pretending like we're happy. Of course, it's difficult with his dick lodged in some other girl's pussy.

We got in a fight last night and I was brought to tears. He went on about how I couldn't be serious for five minutes since I never seemed to be able to take things into account. I wanted to point out that he wasn't taking our relationship seriously- I almost did, too. I almost blurted out those words, called him exactly what he was, but I couldn't. I can't confront him. I just choke on my own words, as though I'm scared to admit it to myself.

So instead I leave, slamming the door behind me and going out drinking with the girls, downing my thoughts away as they repeat the same old words about how all men are trash.

I'm in the bathroom sobbing by the toilet as I write this. I still love him. How could he do this to me? I can't change who I am. What he once loved about me he seems to despise. He's sleeping right now- went to bed without waiting for me after we had a fight like he used to.

Life fucking sucks.

Day 700

He's leaving.

I heard him on the phone. He calls her 'baby'. I can barely recall the last time he called me that. He says the word promise a lot. She seems angry. I'm writing this as I listen through the landline. The idiot didn't even use his cell phone. He says it'll be in about a week before he breaks things off with me. Why hasn't he done it before if he truly loves this girl? He clearly doesn't love me anymore. Why does he stay? Why do I stay?

She doesn't believe that he's leaving but he keeps saying, "I promise, baby, I promise." I want to shout through the line that he hasn't kept a single promise he's made me, but of course, I can't do that. What mistress would care, anyway?

I wonder at times what she looks like. Sometimes I see a smear of her lipstick on our bedspread or a hair on our couch, and I find myself piecing together an image. She's pretty- prettier than me. That's for sure. She has to be if he's leaving me for her. I don't think I want to know, though. It'll make me feel more insecure about myself.

Maybe it was for the best. Both he and I were too stubborn to leave a toxic relationship on its own- so add a third party into the mix to act as a catalyst. Great fucking idea.

He's hanging up now. He told her he loves her.

It took him 117 days to admit he loved me. I wonder how long it took him to fall for her. To fall out of love with me. I wonder how many days it'll take for me to fall out of love with him. It feels like it'll be forever. I still flip my pages to the beginning of this little book, the beginning of it all as I recorded my- no, our journey together.

I guess it's appropriate this is where it ends.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Day 707

The smoke from the back of the car makes you grimace as you stand stiff and cross-armed by the taxi, Hoseok lugging his suitcases and stuff into the trunk. He would get a friend to stop by tomorrow to pick up the rest of his stuff- assuming you don't burn it by then.

You had caught him packing last night when you finally confronted him, an explosive fight breaking out between the two of you as you both burst into tears. You at the fact he was cheating and leaving you, and him because of what had become of the two of you, how bitter and hateful you had become to one another. And then you both became hollow, cold shells to each other as he packed the rest of his things, getting up bright and early that morning to go to her place, to live there.

Your hands are shaking as you put your hand on his shoulder, and he slowly turns to you.

"Please don't try to convince me to stay, Y/N." His voice is hard and cold, and it makes you feel like an unwanted stranger. Perhaps you were. You barely knew the man before you. He was nothing like the man you had first met on New Year's Eve.

"I won't," you say softly. "I just wanted to give you... a goodbye present."

Hoseok pauses at that and turns around to face you completely, a small book in your hands. "What's this?" he questions.

You suck in a deep breath. "I can't bear to look at it- but it'd be a shame to burn it. You'd have better use of it than me, I think. It's my recordings of... the story of us, I suppose. What it was."

Hoseok's silent for a moment, staring down at the book. "I'm sorry things had to end this way," he murmured quietly, and for a second you're afraid he's going to cry again. Lord knows Hoseok was always a sensitive person.

You find a lump forming in your own throat. "I know you are," you simply say.

Hoseok opens the book to the first page, and you see him sniffle, a tear rolling down his face. Despite all of your friends screaming in your head to spit in his face and scream your head off at him, you see a sliver of the Hoseok you once knew, and you can't bear to show resentment at this moment.

"Day 1," he speaks, his voice cracking. "I met a boy today."

"Yesterday, to be more precise. Exactly 5 hours and 48 minutes from ago, from the moment that I'm writing down these words," you reminisce, quoting it word for word. "You don't know how many times I looked back at that first page, to the memory of when I first met you."

"I wish we could've started over," he said, voice a whisper as his fingers brush over the strokes of your words. "When did things change?"

"Keep reading and find out," you joke, hot tears rolling down your cheeks in fat drops. You feel angry. Angry at yourself for letting the relationship come to this- angry at him for cheating on you- angry, angry, angry. You brush them quickly, stepping back before he could even attempt to reach out to you. "It's a good story, through and through. It'll make for a good read in the car- since you don't get car sick, and all that." God, you remember how jealous you were when you found out that little fact.

There's a pregnant pause between you two.

"I'm still so, so sorry," Hoseok whispered.

For a moment, once again, he reminds you of Day 1 Hoseok, with those soft eyes and sweet expressions.

"Well, being sorry doesn't exactly fix anything, does it?" you spit bitterly, the anger rising once again. Hoseok didn't deserve a bittersweet ending. "It doesn't unfuck a girl, it doesn't erase months of lies, and it doesn't fix our relationship- more accurately what was left of it."

Hoseok doesn't say anything, letting you vent as you continued to berate him.

"I know I fucked up by putting work over you, but that doesn't give you an excuse to cheat. You said it last night- you should've ended things earlier if you really wanted to be with her. You just dragged me along- and despite what you think, I truly loved- no, still love, you. Otherwise, I wouldn't hurt so much. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stayed, cried, and fought for you. The fact I can't even mark that stupid little book shows that and more- and if you truly still don't believe my feelings, that book will prove it to you. Hundreds of days of you and I written there because I thought- I don't even know what I thought anymore. You're not the Jung Hoseok I fell for, and I guess I'm not the Y/N you fell in love with."

"Anything else you want to say?" Hoseok breathed solemnly, not even putting up a fight to defend himself. It angered you more that he wasn't fighting back, like your usual duals. He simply took it and stood there, not caring anymore. He couldn't even fight anymore. People only fought for things they cared about- and clearly, he didn't care about you anymore.

Yes, you want to scream. You fucked up. Badly. You're the antagonist in this situation, not me. You're the bad guy. We could've had a fresh start and worked things out- but you're the one who fucking fucked things up like the fucker you are. This is your fault!

"Nothing you don't already know."

Hoseok was tight-lipped, mumbling a goodbye as he left in the taxi, letting the story come to a close.

[beebewriting]

Spot Conlon To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU - the letters

Dear Elmer,

I hate you I think. I'm not too sure. One minute we were talking about that stupid Transformers show you like next I'm freaking the fuck out about how your eyes light up and that I just realized you have dimples and that you use your hands to talk and how weird that is. Shit, I don't know, but I blame you. This hasn't happened before and I hate a lot of people. Or maybe I don't hate you? I mean you wouldn't be my best friend otherwise. Can't really see myself hating you after six years of knowing you. I don't know I'll figure it out later I guess.

- Sean Conlon

P.S. You moved to Manhattan and I finally know what I'm feeling and I hate it. I started missing you so much I finally thought back to how I felt that day and remembered how your mom described how falling in love felt and I hate that I'm in love with you and that I'll never see you again. It fucking sucks.

P.P.S. I moved to Manhattan cause I just got adopted by Miss Medda and we go to the same school. We're hanging out again, but my feelings are gone now. Thank God.

*

Dear Racetrack Higgins,

Fuck you. You stole my first kiss. I mean I guess it is embarrassing to say I never got my first kiss until I was 15 even though I've had sex lots of times but still. You didn't have to kiss me. There were so many other people. I know you've kissed Jack before. And Albert. And Finch. And David. Shit, there's probably more. But anyway fuck you for kissing me just to prove to Oscar Delancey you're gay. It wasn't even that good. I didn't feel sparks or anything when it happened. You tasted like Spaghetti and Lemon. That's a weird ass taste. You probably have Herpes. I mean you've kissed a lot of people, so you might. I'm probably gonna die soon because of you. Asshole.

- Sean 'Spot’ Conlon

*

Dear Albert DaSilva,

You're not even that attractive but I can't stop thinking of you. Your ugly red hair and that mole under your eye and how plump your lips are and you're so fucking pale. Then your teeth are crooked, just get braces dude. Then your hands don't fit your body at all and your eyes are so gross. They're green and brown and hazel and there's some yellow in there I think. Then your ears are huge. And your nostrils flare out when you laugh and your laugh is a snort thing and that's annoying as hell and you're so fucking tall. And you're so annoying. Plus you stick your tongue out when you're thinking and hum way too loud and your voice is too deep for you and your skater boy aesthetic is so fucking late and you're lanky as hell for a guy that plays three sports and you can barely swing the bat and you wear hats the wrong way and you complain it's cold too much. All because what you used to live in Florida? Dumbass man up.

Yet I still think you're so fucking pretty.

- Sean ‘ Spot’ Conlon

*

Dear Specs Copes,

So I came with you to the dance studio today cause you asked me to and fuck you for being so gorgeous. Fuck your dark amazing muscles and your gross graceful plitte or however you spell it. Fuck Romeo for realizing how stunning you are first cause this honestly isn't fair. You're too nice for anyway. I actually don't know what to say other than you're fucking gorgeous and way too smart or nice for me and Romeo fucking deserves you but damn it if I'm not shaken by how pretty you are.

- Sean 'Spot’ Conlon

*

Dear David Jacobs,

I’m in love with you. What sucks is you obviously don’t feel the same. I can hear you and Jack whispering to each other, you’re most likely cuddling. What also sucks is you led me on. You didn’t even mean to and that’s the worst part. You just thought you were being friendly as you always are but I actually started liking you. A lot. I think this is the first time I actually fell in love. I didn't tell you cause how you look at Jack and I couldn't bare to tell him. He looked so happy talking to you or about you. God, you should see how his eyes go wide and light up when he talks about you or hears your name. He's so hopelessly in love with you and it hurts. Maybe if I opened up more? Maybe then Jack would know how I feel and I wouldn't feel like shit.

That's a lie. I'd eventually distance myself from you because I'll think Jack deserves you (which he does) more than me then we'd call it off and Jack, Sarah, Les and the group would hate me and you'd get with Jack and you'd be sure you're nice to me only because you're in love with my brother.

- Sean 'Spot’ Conlon

[xo-dailypier-blog]

[Post 1 of 3]

Wow! What a week. Summer Crush truly took the life of me, and the way some of these hook ups went, it took the life out of you too. 

Instead of giving everyone an entire rundown of the day-by-day events, I took it upon myself to collect the top ten moments that I felt really stood out to ME, The Daily Pier!

TEN.

I should probably start this countdown off with the Noah/Diana/Natasha triangle going on that none of them know that they are a part of. It’s the most heartwarming thing to happen during this event and I LOVE it! Ok, so just to catch you all up to speed, #SinCarter were married once upon a slay. They eloped when they were off being WAR CRIMINALS for the USA or whatever. So once Natasha began to explore her latent homosexuality that she had repressed all these years the two came to the mutual agreement to just divorce. (Also, her sister was dealing with like, a meth addiction, or something, so that probably didn’t help the relationship). So fast forward 10 years and here they are in the same town with TONS of baggage, and unfinished business.

BUT WAIT a new challenger approaches in Diana Taylor. Noah and Diana have been getting pretty close these past view months. Some people have even said that he’s the rebound to that Daniel guy she was dating. I mean, after MONTHS of heavy petting and will they/won’t they, after their Summer Crush date, rumor has it that the two went back to Noah’s place and … well … *fellatio noises*. Obvs this can’t get out because Diana is in the public eye, so don’t tell anyone.

With a new woman in his life, and the old one present with a lot of shit to work out with him, this new season of the Aryan Chronicles looks promising!

As for who I ship? Well, I want to say #SinCarter because the mutual feelings of their past came back full force during this event. And I still ship Olivia/Diana and Diana/Wes. Neither of which will happen because 1.)Diana and Olivia are “”””””straight”””””””” and 2.)Ever since Diana RANDOMLY left New York she’s been keeping everyone at arms length, especially Wes. Who has too much love to give, and doesn’t deserve that. Who’s to say she won’t do the same to Noah?

I’m watching you Diana (if that is your real name).

NINE.

Q: Rexless_Fan asked “Victor and June hooked up in a fantasy suite and they're roommates so now it's awkward and scandy cuz they haven't told their third roommate at all!”

A: IM SORRY, WHAT BITCH??!!

SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT DURING THEIR MOVIE NIGHT THE POPCORN WASNT ALL THAT WAS POPPIN, BUT HER PUSSY WAS ALSO?!!!!! I KNEW THAT JUNE WAS SECRETLY A BAD GIRL UNDERNEATH IT ALL. SHE PRETENDS THAT SHE ALL PURE AND INNOCENT AND JUST LIKE SIT IN A FUCKING CORNER WITH HER FUCKING BUGS AND FLOWERS OR WHATEVER BUT ANYBODY WHO FUCKS A BACK UP SINGER FOR A MARGINALLY SUCCESSFUL BAND CLEARLY LIVES ON THE FUCKING EDGE!!

I HEARD THE NEWS THAT JUNE, THE DOLL BABY, ARMSTRONG GOT THAT #DIC BUT I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT AND IF WHAT THEY SAY IS TRUE SHE IS INDEED A SCREAMER!!!!!!

COMING IN AT NUMBER NINE IS JUNE, WHO HAD YOU ALL FOOLED INTO THINKING SHE WAS A INNOCENT ANGEL BABY. WEVE DECIDED TO STAN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

EIGHT.

Coming in at number eight is Phobe “Pharrah Abraham” Cole. It’s true, she was on top of things in more ways than one. But who am i to judge? I actually think it’s progressive, and super inspiring. I mean, ok, take this with a grain of salt, Im not really trying to lie but ... Phobe? Phobe has Genital Herpes. It’s been two weeks since a flair up (according to sources close to her) and I think it’s really brave of her to disclose her status with the MYRIAD of men she ENGAGED with during the week. It just goes to show that it CAN be done! I mean, you did tell them ... right Phobe? Moving on! I will say that while did used to ship Jack/Phobe during the night they hooked up but since Jack allegedly only lasted about 4 minutes it makes me wonder about a future with the two. So many girls who have been with him have written in and told me sex with him is ABYSMAL! He spends the entire time looking in the mirror or taking selfies that he refuses to be focused on the matter at hand. Of course this is all a rumor, but would you really put it past our neighborhood beauty queen? But I guess this isn’t about Jack, and his short comings. Anyways...

SEVEN.

Q: SharkThot asked “Hey DP I just want to start off by saying that I love your site, I’ve been a loyal viewer for years! And I hope Myles Bennett sees this because I love him even more! I don’t care what you say about him DP, Myles is my bae and would never do anyone wrong! Ugh, He makes me (Shark)Weak! I did see him earlier last week getting BULLIED by that Stark Bitch. What was that about?”

A: Aww, SharkThot,

I assume you mean Heidi Stark, the elusive chanteuse. Her arrival has caused quite the controversy, considering she materialized out of no where. I guess this particular countdown entry will have more to do with her than the actual question. But for those of you who don’t know, Heidi Stark is Julian’s slightly more attractive sister. Her strong presence is quite intimidating, but according to a lot of sources ... She’s a complete fraud. She speaks in an Australian accent, but some say she’s from, like, Missouri and only picked up an accent for #clout. Her “designer” clothes? Ross (Dress for Less). And she apparently was spotted raiding a bunch of Payless Shoe Stores for the cheapest prices prior to their shutdown, where she then proceeded to paint the bottom of all the shoes she got red. Oh! And the degree she got from that fashion school on New York? FORGED! She totally went to Devry. I mean, it’s nothing wrong with that, but omg, just be honest girl. Anyways, back to the point. The #BabySharks (Myles’ fandom name) were INCENSED when they saw Fraudi CORNERING Myles at the speed dating event. According to by standers she was totally waving her finger in HIS FACE, SHOVING HIM repeatedly before pouring the ENTIRE CONTENTS of her martini onto his FACE! You would think that since he works in the ocean (and is used to having liquids on his face (Golden Showers ... other bodily fluids) ), Myles would have been unbothered by her VICIOUS ATTACK, but it was said that he left CRYING. Poor Guy. (Lol sike i don’t give a fck).

SIX.

Q: Loganista asked “How could you possibly still be loyal to “King Jason” when all he cares about is that CUNT Alex. You know I saw them going into one of those FUCK SUITE when just 2 days ago they hated each others guts. They make me sick. Do you think it’s time to move on DP?”

A: Hey Loganista,

Ugh, same! You know, Logan Lancaster, and BernBern<3 are right there looking all sexy and things of that nature, hmm, so who knows .. perhaps I could move on one of these days. But not now. But speaking of LongDick Lancaster and the #Jalex reunion you mentioned, the #Lolex and #Jalina dates were less than eventful. The two spent the entire time thinking of the other instead of getting to know the people I set them up with. It makes me feel really bad for LDLogan because he is truly such a nice guy but everyone he gets involved with, is using him. Leah totes just uses him as a dick call, and Alex is always using him as a rebound. When she was on the date with Logan all she could talk about was Jason, Jason, Jason. I heard she told Logan that if it were “6 months ago” (when she wasn’t involved with Jason) she would totally be on all fours for him. Which is bullshit, because she totally FUCKED Logan like, two weeks ago when she was mad at Jason. So what’s the truth Alex?

Thank God Alegenda came out of this unscathed. I wouldn’t want a QUEEN like her with court jester Jason. Sadly, she won’t be able to be with Devin like I wanted, since he had sex with Phobe and … well…

FIVE.

Speaking of Jason, another Sorrentino is on the list of topics for tonight. Brooklyn Sorrentino! Ok, so for those of you who don’t know. Brooklyn was seen crying after an encounter with her ex, Grayson Fox. As I’ve said before, they were engaged to being MARRIED, but out of no where, he left her.  So. naturally I did a little more research on she and her GrayBae Fox and what I found blew my wig right the fuck off. Ok, so it is alleged that (Actual) Daddy Sorrentino (that’s Jason/Brooklyn’s dad) PAID HIM OFF because he had no plans of a complete and total LOSER like Grayson dating, and MARRYING, his daughter. So after receiving this unknown amount of money, Grayson left Brooklyn a note saying his Goodbyes. And now … all the have is memories.

OF COURSE I don’t believe this shit! I still think the bitch's pussy stinks, so he didn’t want to wake up to that every frickin’ day of his life. And besides, it’s been how many years? Wouldn’t he have just told her what’s up at this point? Instead of moving into the same town as her, and acting like NOTHING is wrong? And then proceeding to FLIRT with the LIKES OF DAKOTA SONG? Yes! The two were seen getting pretty cozy, locking fingers, playing footsies, and exchanging hair-care regimes during Summer Crush. Poor Brooklyn, first she got beat up by Phobe and THEN we find out she lost her man. What a loser.

FOUR.

Q: AshersBabyMomma asked “STOP making fun of Asher! It’s so mean!!!!!!!! Asher is really trying his best to get by and all you do is pick on him! Us #Ashies will boycott your blog if you do not stop!”

A: Well, you’re in luck because coming in at number __ is Asher himself! 

And you’re right AshersBabyMomma, Asher has surprisingly been on his best behavior recently. Either that, or you demons have managed to make him look like an angel. Honestly? I think I’m actually going to start being nice to Asher. No more calling him things like “Crackhead Asher”, Ashy Lip Asher, Ashy Asher, and more things Of That Nature. He’s really gotten his act together and I’m so proud of him, and even more apologetic for the way I’ve treated him. 

A moment of silence for the old me that used to make fun of him…

…

…Anyways, Asher is an Escort now (as I said before). He totes is fucking [redacted] in exchange for money and drugs (CRACK not included). In FACT, it is alleged that he offered his services to Alec Clarke. Again, this could all be made up, but they were spotted disappearing into a hotel together where they stayed until the sun came up. (#Romantic) Now girl MIND YOU, Alec is Adam’s roomie, and multiple sources have claimed that he is secretly in LOVE with him! Which is a LIE! If Alec IS a MLM then he has WAY better standards than a Tax Evasionista. And I’m sure Asher has better standards than Alec… well … *Hot Dog on a Stick Flashbacks*..

Nevermind.

THREE.

Q: Emrestoplip asked “Ugh but the Yavuz family are all HOT and not problematic unless ur holding out on us DP”

A: Well I must admit they ARE all hot but sadly they are just as problematic as the rest. 

Specifically that Kessa girl. Her Lifetime Original Movie of a life has completely ruined the dynamic of her family. It’s made both Emre and Leyla (her siblings) RESENT her more than they care to admit and thing are sups awkward between all of them. It’s really sad. Funny that this is the entry right after an Adam mention because coming in at number four are both Adam and Kessa. The two were paired for a date and things got Out of Control.

It really has placed Adam on my heart throb list because little did I FUCKING know that Adam knew how to THROW IT DOWN in the bedroom. The two were caught on camera BANGING THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER, FOUR TIMES IN ONE WEEK. Here I thought Adam was the only sane Aldridge, but it was all a SHAM. HES THE WORST OFFENDER!!!!

NOT ONLY is he a BEAST in the SHEETS, he was spotted EATING KESSA OUT on the SIDE of a BUILDING!!! IM LITERALLY SCREAMING! and to make matters worse, Kessa then left him and got eaten out by, one, Marley Callahan. I SERIOUSLY HOPE EVERYONE GOT TESTED AFTER THIS WEEK because you guys are OUT of your MCFREAKIN MINDS.

I guess you can catch Kessa in first AND second service on Sunday now that she got the most sanctified, purified, holyfied COCK of her life. Amen!

TWO.

Q: MackenziesStolenBrushes asked “Any updates on #JaiMac?”

A: This is a great way to almost end this countdown.

For those of you who don’t know Jamie and Cunty Westwood have decided to amend their troubles and get back together. (Yes, the paintbrushes (that Jamie hid) are back in Cunty’s easel, or whateverthefuck.) This might not be the sensational drama that you were expecting to see at the end of this list but I think it’s a great closer. Jamie and Mac are a shining example of a healthy relationship, and I’ve decided they should ALMOST close out the show.

I do wonder if Jamie found out about the times Mac engaged in MULTIPLE hardcore sexual acts with the #DemonDick himself, Julian Stark. They only ended their fling like two days before #JaiMac got back together, so I’m sure they did? Omg not to gossip, BUT, ok,  I don’t know how to say this politely, but ... there was ass eating involved (on Mac’s end … obviously… I mean, look at him...), and a lot of “I love you’s” were shared between the two. Not to mention cuddling. Late night phone calls, texts, and omg I'm pretty sure they were almost a couple.

Anyways, this might have happened before the event, but to see these two going into PRIDE MONTH a happy couple really is iconic and I thank them for deciding to work things out. Love you two! Kisses!

xx

So I’m sure, you’re wondering who Number 1 is ... 

find out tommorrow.

xo, DP.

[themerrymutants]

Long ass “what if Aragorn and crew were hipsters” modern au headcanons

@loyalservants​ - since you’d asked to see :)

Under a cut because there’s.. a lot. Also there’s a bit of canon breaking here but what’s a good au without a bit of canon breaking?

Elrond works as head doctor at the local trauma clinic. Having been alive as long as he has he's amassed quite a fortune which he uses to cover the cost of medical care for those who can't afford it himself.

He returned to Middle Earth when word reached him that Aragorn had passed on but his daughter hadn’t. It killed him to leave his wife a second time but, not knowing the fate of his sons, he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her alone so he pleaded to be allowed to go back and join her and was eventually granted permission on the condition that if he or any others who inevitably follow suit do they will never be able to return. 

Celebrían eventually rejoins her husband and children on December 24th 2008 (modern calendar). In March of 2009 she contacted her parents, with a bit of help from her children, via text pretending to be Arwen. She wasn’t even able to get a simple “hello” out before she was pulled into a tear filled bear hug

Galadriel is a self defense course instructor at the Y and a very active environmental activist and human rights activist because for the love of Eru she’s way too old for your shenanigans humanity and someone has to fix it. humans are cute but by the valar are they dumb. Galadriel is still very much someone nobody wants to f*ck with and those stupid enough to still try anyway end up regretting it dearly. Rule #1 of telepaths: don’t piss off a telepath.

Her husband is a historian and has long since worked with his colleagues to help preserve Elven heritage sites.

Legolas looks wise looks like what would happen if you shoved him and Skrillex in a blender and put it on “puree” and already has a degree as a veterinarian (specializing in exotics) and is a biology and environmental studies dual major.

 Aragorn is a history major and is starting to get the memories of his past life back though he keeps this quiet because he rather enjoys his classes.

Gimli is dual majoring engineering and economics, Pippin and Merry are general studies majors and honestly have no idea what they’re doing half the time but hey at least they’re having fun doing it!

Arwyn, as she spells it in modern day to try and stay lower key, works at a tattoo parlor and has a total Kat Von D look going on which drives her dad up the wall.

Sam and Frodo are ex marines that were on the same squad (only survivors after an IED went off) they are roomies they were honorably discharged and earned a purple heart. Sam is blind in his left eye and Frodo was paralyzed from the waist down both suffer from PTSD. They've got two labs named Samson and Delilah who think they are lap dogs. Samson is a service dog washout (he was supposed to be Sam's dog but he just didn't have the right drive for it) and Delilah is Frodo's service dog. Currently Sam is looking for new candidates. In this AU Frodo died at mount doom so I can have him reincarnate with Sam since there was no way in hell Frodo would come back to middle earth after the sh*t he went through.

Legolas has a blind albino reticulated python named Lucy who was a rescue from a mass breeder. She's a bit off in more ways than one but is as sweet a noodle as possible Legolas often takes in special needs herps that his rescue can't home for various reasons 

Gandalf is the history professor and has become resigned to the fact that humans are dumb af and kind of need perpetual babysitting (races and magic and shit have remained unchanged just because it's more fun that way)

Thranduil is tough as nails and gives 0 fucks. if something needs done to keep those in his territory safe he will do it regardless of legality Cops don't bother coming because it's a cesspool and they've got less taxing things to do He's kind of a mob boss archetype but good and does good well except when he kicks some faces in but they always deserve it. He’s kind of the head of his own lil section of an as of yet unnamed city. He's not like crime or mob boss so much as "police don't do sh*t so we keep the peace instead". Police are happy to do so because the area is basically Gotham crime wise and nobody wants to touch it with a 40 ft pole I love the idea that Thranduil ended up blinded after his run in with Smaug he ended up staying in middle earth the entire time god bless his poor soul. In modern era he ran into a gangster with a fondness for flame throwers and got toasty again. Received extensive burns but survived because 1 Thranduil, and 2 like hell he was gonna die now when sh!t still needs to be kept in order.

Elves did sail to the west but it was less going back home and more "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT" Eventually they come back and first land in ireland becoming the basis of the Tuatha Dé Danann Because I will die on the hill that elves are somehow involved with celtic mythology in the universe of LOTR and yes I know it's not earth but come on The geography actually kind of matches ...no I did not have an embarassing phase where I was way too obsessed with LOTR and calculated this stuff for funsies

I'm also super fond for immortals watching throughout history and just going "why did I do this again?" Also Elrond getting even more done with humanity gives me life

Merry is addicted to idle games and half the storage space on his phone is filled with them. 

Pippin has won a few Pokemon tournaments and even got a scholarship from one of them. He enjoys building teams from "useless" Pokemon and wiping the floor with them. His favorite pokemon to use is Pachirisu because no one expects to have their ass handed to them by a pika clone.

In this AU Aragorn is reincarnated over and over and over again and Arwen somehow manages to find him each time. Sometimes they’re lovers other times they’re just friends and every once in a while she’ll only manage to briefly brush past him before he’s gone again. Her father tried to convince her to go be with her mother but she found that even the short amount of time she got to spend with her love each time was worth the sorrow of losing him again, and again, and again.

Elrond and Celebrían renewed their vows in 2015 after learning of the practice and finding it fitting. Their first dance was to Like I’m Gonna Lose You

[oh-roman]

Bill hates threesomes.

[gif by @skarsgaholic ]

Y/N had been nagging Bill all week about how horny and hormonal she was and despite his countless attempts at satisfying her, she insisted she wanted more. So, she dragged him to a nightclub downtown, filled with people much younger than them and Y/N sat perched at the bar, looking for a worthy man to take home. Bill had only agreed to go, because it meant she wouldn’t whine for a while.

Bill practically drowned himself in Vodka and watched Y/N with lazy eyes, wink toward him and walk hand in hand with a guy to the dance floor. It made his fingers twitch, the way she draped her arm around his waist lazily.

About fifteen minutes and four drinks later, Y/N came treading back to the bar with her arm hooked around a stranger’s.

“Bill, this is-“ She giggled a bit, when he leaned over to whisper something incoherent in her ear. The music was blaring so Bill furrowed his eyebrows and tried to read the man’s lips with little success. “This is Harry.”

“Nice to meet you,” Harry smiled and stretched out his hand, in which Bill crossed his arms.

“Harry’s gonna be a musician,” Y/N yelled over the music, smiling up at him.

“You got any STD’s, Harry?” Harry laughed nervously and Bill raised an eyebrow.

“No, I’m-“

“Herpes, AIDS, Chlamydia, HIV-“

“Bill, stop it!” Y/N slurred, obviously under the influence of a few drinks. Bill gave her a look and directed his attention back to the stranger. He took a step toward him.

“Harry, is it?” Bill’s voice was throaty and full of annoyance. “If you give her anything and I mean anything at all—a disease or even the wrong look, I’ll cut your dick off myself.”

Harry nodded and swallowed hard.

“You’ll leave as soon as she’s gotten off—I could give two shits about you. But if you happen to get there, you’ll pull out and cum in your hand—not on or in her. Understood?”

He nodded again and Bill looked toward Y/N, who had big puppy eyes with the corner of her lip tucked in her mouth.

“Let’s go before your little friend changes his mind.” Bill said, tucking his hands in his pockets and walking toward the exit doors.

…

The feeling was mutual.

Y/N liked Harry. He wasn’t doing the same things as Bill would normally do, and he didn’t know where all her special spots were, but he felt good—he felt new.

Y/N decided this was more like casual sex, than a threesome, considering the only clothing Bill had stripped himself of was his suit jacket. He was treading around the bed, making his rounds; as if they needed a chaperone. He complained that he wanted no part in it. This was true, but he moreso wanted to make sure all of Y/N’s expressions were out of pleasure and not pain, because if she were to ever get hurt at the fault of another man—he would go mad. She gasped a few times and scrunched up her eyebrows and Bill stopped in place to make sure it was followed by a moan and not a plea for help.

…

Y/N was close; he could tell.

Harry was a lot more sloppier, Bill decided. He was thrusting lazily and burying his face into her neck. He also got a lot sweatier than Bill ever had.

“I’m so close,” Y/N whimpered and Bill rolled his eyes, as if anyone needed any more confirmation of her nearing orgasm.

Harry lifted his head now and faced her. He was moving like an amateur and Bill wondered if this was his first time.

“Feel so good,” Harry groaned, peeking down between their bodies. “Fuck me so well, slut,”

Then, the room grew in tension and Y/N was suddenly not so close. She closed her eyes for a moment and Bill stopped in his tracks, crossing his arms and starring down at her. She could feel Bill’s shadow towering over her, before she opened her eyes softly toward him.

It wasn’t the tone in which Harry said the word. Nor was it the word at all. It was the context that Y/N had experienced from a previous boyfriend. It was the way he’d use the word to hurt her on a daily basis. It was the beginning of her insecurity and though Bill was the complete opposite of her ex and praised her like the princess she was, the word still stung every time. Bill knew this, unlike Harry, so he never used the word around her—whether it be talking about someone or even quoting a line from a movie.

“Y/N-“ Harry mumbled.

“Get out.” Bill hadn’t spoken since they entered the room, other than to reassure Harry of their agreement. So, his sudden voice startled Harry.

“I was gonna pull out-“

“You need to leave.” Bill said, practically fuming. Y/N turned her head away from them both; slightly embarrassed.

Bill turned around to pick up Harry’s clothes from the floor and just as he bent down, a nose caught his attention. It pulled at his chest and made his heart race. The noise was a mixture of an unpleasant cry and whimper from Y/N’s lips and a grunt from the stranger’s. Bill didn’t know if he was crazy, but he could have sworn he heard a “please” omit from her lips.

He could hear his heart beat pulsing in his ears, when he swiveled around to place both hands on the man’s shoulders; pulling off of her with full force. Harry landed on the floor, panting hard and holding his hands up in surrender. Bill kneeled down on one knee and swung his fist at a steady pace toward Harry jaw.

Y/N was crying softly up above and the sound only made his heart break more and his fists get tighter. So, Bill took some initiative and decided against beating the man unconscious, simply because Y/N needed comforting.

Bill stood up and ran his hands over his pants to straighten them, as well as his blood-stained white button down. Harry writhed on the floor and Bill pulled him onto his feet, before walking him downstairs and out the door. He hadn’t bothered to give him his clothes either.

“Fucking prick,” He mumbled, jogging back up the stairs to meet Y/N. She was wrapped in the duvet, turned away from him. Her shoulders weren’t shaking anymore so he assumed she stopped crying. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and did himself of his pants; shimmying out of them. He snatched a pair of sweatpants from the closet and slid them on, before lifted the duvet to climb next to her.

He draped an arm across her side and pressed his lips to her bare shoulder. He moved with a certain softness and she sighed in relief that he was finally touching her and not some stranger.

“Princess,” He kissed her shoulder again in a different spot, with the same gentle manner. “Did he hurt you?”

She sniffled a little and shook her no. The sound of words vibrated onto her skin a little and somehow she knew he wasn’t jealous of the guy or angry at all. “Not really. Just surprised me, is all.” She pressed her thighs together and wiped at her eyes. “It was a bad idea. Should’ve listened to you,” She cried, slurring her words a bit and he remembered she was partially drunk.

He ran a hand over her arms in figure eights, hoping to calm her nerves. “How does a nice bath sound, hm?” He asked, pecking her cheek. “Could light those new candles you bought and use that soap you like,”

“You said you hate the smell,” She pouted, scrunching her face. “Said it smells like old ladies and flowers,”

“Here, come on,” Bill strained, scooping her up into his arms, bridal style.

Soon, she was slouched all the way into the water so that the soap suds reached her chin in a way that tickled a bit. Bill said on the toilet seat, watching her with his elbows perched on his knees.

Within the few minutes that they had been in the bathroom, she apologized about five times and each time, Bill giggled a bit and told her he loved her. He hoped that because she was so drunk, she wouldn’t remember any of this night and what Harry said would hurt as much in the morning.

Maybe it was the shots she drowned back at the club, or the tall margarita she ordered because “the glass is pretty”. Something in her system sent her sobbing all of sudden and his muscles tightened. It wasn’t much of a drunk cry—Y/N was the happiest person to be around with a little alcohol inside her. He decided, she was remembering why she was so upset and repeated slut in her head to wrap her head around it. She tended to that in situations to big to handle alone.

Bill was on his knees outside the tub, with a hand on either of cheeks. “It’s not even the worst word. A lot of people like that stuff, but I-“ She took a breather and shook her head. “He said it to me every day, you know that? I think he called me that more than my real name and I hate to be so sensitive about it,”

“There’s a difference between being sensitive and protective of your feelings,” Bill was whispering, to honestly keep from getting over emotional. It was the only thing keeping him from punching something or shedding a few tears. He still hadn’t mastered how to properly behave when she was upset. It was the worst feeling he ever had to endure and each time he wished he never saw her cry again. “God, I wish you could see yourself right now,”

She was sniffling and lightly trembling against his hands, but she kept her eyes on his.

“You’re so pretty,” He choked on his words a little and she could hear it in the break of his words. “I don’t know how else to describe you, so I need you to really listen to me.”

Over the course of time they had dated, Bill vowed to give her the most pet names that anyone had probably ever been given. Even if they were silly or made no sense, he said them seriously, as to cover up the only name her ex ever called her.

“Stop,” Y/N breathed, shaking her head. “Sometimes, I don’t think I deserve you.”

Bill let a small laugh slip out in disbelief. “Y/N,” he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Kitten, how many times have I got to tell you you’re perfect,”

She was still blinking slow with glossy, until he shrugged and stood up, only to toe his shoes off and step into the tub, fully clothed. Y/N gasped and giggled slightly as Bill crouched between her legs in the bath tub way to small for them both. He cupped her face in both hands and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

“You’re crazy,” she whispered.

“I’m yours,”

[cosmospoons]

House MD season 2

30 second episode recaps from someone whos just watched em for the first time and has bad recall

Ep1: they gotta cure the death row dude so he can go back to death row to b killed, cameron is Bad at telling ppl they're dying, house n Wilson had lunch with the coma guy, they cured death row man, also they changed the theme and I hate it Ep2: House has hayfever lmao, this cancer girl with hallucinations is honestly just the coolest she's so positive I love her, shes nine and got chase to kiss her hero,, house an Wilson have a shared balcony amazing, Wilson is so good and pure and is amazing at his job holy shit I love this man. House actually 'temporarily killed' the patient to cure her and made people run drills on a dead man. House is 400% going to buy a motorbike Ep3: i prayed for Cuddy's handyman to fall off her roof past the window and then god answered my prayers and he did, house broke into Cuddy's house mainly to look at her underwear lbr and then won the 'can we chop off his arm' argument, house secretly speaks spanish and waited for the most dramatic moment to reveal this, they gate crashed a cock fight (ayy) and saved the patient Ep4: the patient is a doctor with an ego ((according to house lmao pot, kettle)) who wanted to sit in on the diagnostic process and honestly is actually full of himself,, house puts him on a tippy table and cranks it up, foreman made a patient cry except he was pretending to be house lmao house got in shit,, Cameron needs to stop please, can the patient get his head out his arse please. house gatecrashes the press conference that the patient called and managed to put him into cardiac arrest on live television and eventually cured him of everything cept bein a knob Ep5: Wilson's handwriting is such doctor handwriting and house definitely bought a motorbike and made Wilson pay for it he's so pleased with himself. The kid keeps getting electrocuted but like,, by his own body. House is avoiding his parents but Cameron n Wilson aren't letting him get away with it. I love house n Wilson's friendship so much it's worth 5k apparently lmao. These patients are fukin serial liars jc why are ppl like this, it was rADIATION wow houses dad is a fucking DICK. There were so many good interactions and the house/wilson ship is sailing Ep6: there was a cyclist who took a LOT of drugs which turned out to be curing him of the thing he had, house is a douchebag but we all knew that - he may b a dick to mark but m sure mark deserves it n I love him anyway. Wilson remains a sweet boy even if he cheats idgaf he's adorable look at him ((wilson: i net someone who made me feel funny, me: was it hOUSE)),, he n house are balcony buddies and house shud stop stealing his food, and he should definitely stop digging thru stacys life but actually fuck it why not he's not gunna let go of this why is she so pissy i wanna know Ep7: I love houses new pet rat Steve McQueen,, Wilson is 4000% done with houses Stacy related antics which is fair tbh he should stop but I actually don't give much of a shit about Stacy I've taken against her....he did deserve what she said after reading her file tho. The patient may have given Cameron aids and Cameron got high and slept with Chase, who she may have given aids lmao these ppl r messes but not as much of a mess as that father/son relationship jc...i dont remember anything else about the patient whoops Ep8: chase is being suuuueeeeddd and he keeps lying about why lmao,, house fuckin reamed him one which was probably called for but maybe not like that, turns out chase screwed up cus his dad died and foreman is houses boss ((supervisor)) now how well do u think that's gunna work (((not very))) Stacy's still a bitch and has ~~feelings~~ Ep9: foreman is in charge and house is doing his utmost best to be the dick of the year and it's fucking hilarious honestly I love this man the shit he pulls jc,,, Wilson is super aware of houses antics as usual and had a mild gay panic when foreman started to question him about house,, the patient was a big ol Faker™ but surprise surprise she was actually sick this time ((house totally injected her with a load of stuff so she’d b readmitted after they’s released her)) Ep10: house solved a case thru the phone alone and spent most of the ep at the airport except for those five minutes when he almost slept with Stacy who once had a terrible experience with curry apparently and called house a vindaloo, nice restraint very well timed phone call thank fuck,,, they will sleep together tho and I am Not Happy about it....the power play amongst the fellows is a boiling pot of trouble - the patient was v interesting I enjoyed the word scramble game Ep12: WHAT A GOOD FUCKIN EP so the patient orgasmed in the white chamber while unconscious and covered in burns but more importantly house gatecrashed the lecture of his old archenemy that he had arranged just so he could disturb it and criticise the dude who got him thrown out of med school for snitchin on his cheating all whilst Wilson told him to get better hobbies (('a hooker anything please')),, to test this dudes migraine meds he gave deliberately himself a migraine and the meds didn't work (unsurprising) so the fellows turned out all the lights while he had a nap under the table,, wilson took a diff approach and deliberately made a Lot of noise because he is a Shit even if he hides it better than house,,,, then house dropped a tab of acid and took a bunch of antidepressants, and cured his migraine as well as the patient Ep13: houses leg was super duper sore but at least we got some fantastic house/wilson interaction when wilson pretended to be God during that MRI, even if house hit him with a cane.... The patient was a teen supermodel who seduced her own father to get whatever she wanted,, house was super sure she had cancer and it turns out she did but it was testicular because she had xy chromosomes and was immune to testosterone - which was really fucking interesting...... Also cuddy played house like a violin and gave him placebo saline instead of a morphine shot to prove to him that his leg pain was psychological Ep14: House is stealing organs now. Ok so technically he did get the husband's permission to steal his newly dead wife’s heart for the dying old dude with a strangely young daughter but only after he kneed house in the balls super hard. House spent the whole ep goin on at wilson about the affair he thought he was having and at the end wilson showed up on houses doorstep but sURPRIse !! It was his wife who was sleeping around!! poor baby Wilson I know what goes around comes around but he's such a kicked puppy cmon Ep15: Wilson and house living together is a recipe for disaster and I'm living for it so good so many good interactions I love that house is gunna keep him for his food ((I'll never b over house hearing the voicemail about Wilson's new place, looking over at him sleeping on the couch and then deleting it so he has to stay)). The patient had a super cool marriage and didn't have lupus except whoops actually not a happy marriage his wife is tryna kill him thru gold poisoning. House needs to stop accosting ppl in bathrooms and should also stop destroying marriages Ep16: oh man good shit so,, first of all house n Wilson are still living together and there are some Domestic Antics happening right here including but not limited to a prank war which house desperately tried to get Wilson to participate in, the peak of which had house making Wilson wet the couch and Wilson sabotaging houses cane. The patients mum was ridiculously overprotective and house essentially kidnapped the patient to find the tick noone else thought was there,, surprisingly Wilson helped set that up despite the fact house was the reason he woke up wet that morning Ep17: first things first house could absolutely clean everyone out at poker if he knows Cuddy's tells that well through just a phonecall,, also he needs to stop calling Wilson out on his toenail varnish habits lmao. The patient was a smol boy who presented the same symptoms as an unsolved and dead case that house had 12 yrs ago so he really wasn't gunna let this one go cus he's like a dog with a bone. They were in formal wear all ep which was a Good Look™ and Wilson's retelling of how he won the poker championship may have been one of the cutest things I have ever seen Ep18: Emma from Glee is here and she has the black plague,, her gf decided to donate her liver n Cameron was all het up cus house had worked out plague girl was gunna leave her and sending the gf in blind would be ~~unethical~~ but turns out she knew and deliberately did that so Emma would stay with her out of guilt lmao. In other news Cameron's pissy cus foreman 'stole' her article and house spent most of the episode napping cus wilson is fuckin up his sleep cycle ;) I'm upset there was no physical wilson Ep19: the most annoying patient so far appears in the form of a 15 yr old faith healer with herpes. I feel like the degree to which unrelenting niceness irritates me rly says something about me but eh oh well. Chase (ofc it was chase) kept a tally on who was winning God or house, faith healer managed to shrink a womans cancer tumour through giving her herpes (((a miracle praise be))) and during poker night house called wilson out on sleeping with said cancer patient and discovered wilson was actually living with her whoops bad Wilson ((he totally regrets his life choices ((he should)))) Ep20: HOLY SHIT ITS A TWOPARTER AND FOREMANS GUNNA DIE !! Ok so,,, there was this cop who couldn't stop laughing till he could but then it got a lot worse and then foreman caught whatever it was which they began to realise when he smirked as house shot a corpse to see what a bullet in a brain would do to an MRI ((spoilers it broke the machine)) anyway long story short it wasnt the pigeons and the cops dead and foreman is gunna die even after that shitdick move he pulled where he stabbed Cameron with a needle so she'd go to the apartment Ep21: HOO BOY OK SO a lot happened so much happened the most important thing is foreman by the end of the ep is mostly kind of ok - he's just a bit muddled on his lefts n rights. During the ep house was stressed the entire time cus even tho he denys it he does love n care for his ducklings,, he even cares enough to deliberately attempt to poison Steve McQueen which didn't work but can be added to the list of stressful events. Cameron grew a spine a lil bit I literally yelled when she berated cuddy and she forced the biopsy cus foreman had the foresight (ayyyyy) to make her his medical proxy even if house managed to find the problem anyway so it was ultimately unnecessary and has just resulted in some possible brain damage Ep22: house keeps trying to pick a fight with foreman and failing because Foreman's all happy go lucky now, the patient was mad because of a thing and killed her baby accidentally on purpose, the music that played during the baby autopsy was super unnecessary and bizzare, and in the end the woman had cancer but she's refusing treatment cus of the baby guilt. Cuddy didn't have cancer, which we know because Wilson ((WILSON NOT HOUSE)) stole her dna and ran secret tests in the middle of the night, but it still wasn't a date Wilson despite what house said about skin lessions she was actually just going to attempt to use u as a sperm donor - have fun at the L-word marathon with house you big sad loser (I love u) Ep23: we meet an old house friend which is Super fun he is ridiculously naive and I love that he calls house g-man holy shit. House is now giving cuddy injections as part of a fertility treatment which is nice of him especially seeing as his leg was in a Lot of pain this ep,, like a LOT...he's self-injecting morphine now which is probably bad :/ house's friend's daughter was the patient at one point she pooped out her mouth gRoSs and house ran a paternity test n told the girl she was actually the dudes daughter ((except he was lYINg in support of his friend)) he does care Ep24: HOUSE GOT SHOT WHAT IS IT WITH THIS TEAM SUFFERING RN JC this was a very fun episode of 'guess when house is hallucinating', spoilers the answer is all the time the whole ep takes place in his head. That aside I absolutely loved the hospital gown/trainer combo (no I won't apologize) and the fact that house did almost none of his physio - instead relegating it to others which is....not how it works. The hallucinatory clinic patient was freaky deaky his eye exploded and so did his dick but dw cus to escape the hallucination house killed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do. At the end house woke up n requested ketamine we'll see how that goes

Season 1

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 6x16: “...And Then There Were None”

THEN: Rufus Turner, a friend of Bobby’s. Samuel’s been capturing and torturing monsters. He also sold Sam and Dean out. Dean threatens to kill him. Gwen Campbell. “Mother of All.”

Eve, scaring some poor sap.

And then kissing him! Wonderful.

“A mother would never abandon her children like he did. You'll see.” She’s not even trying to be subtle about this.

Oh no.

RIP Rick’s wife. Killed by Rick.

A buttload of monsters.

Interrogating Rick.

Poor dude killed his whole family without ever meaning to.

Dean, please. Stop checking out the Mother of All.

Bobby looks good suited up.

Rufus!

“It’s not rocket surgery.” I’ve always loved that line.

“Long as I get to drive.”

“Hell no.”

I love Rufus.

And I love that we got to see them working together!

Eww, that goo is so gross.

Even Sam and Dean love Rufus.

What a wonderful group! If only we could’ve seen more of these 4 together...

Gwen.

“Welcome to next time.”

“Sam, take Dean for a walk.” Aww Bobby.

“I'm not saying don't. I'm saying not yet.” Interesting.

“So you’re the guy pretending to be their father.”

“Well, somebody ought to.”

BACK OFF SAMUEL. 

YOU FUCKING TELL HIM, BOBBY.

Samuel, you goddamn dick. He immediately picks up on Sam not remembering anything; you know well he’s gonna use it against Sam.

“You don't know half the things that I know, kid.” BRO. YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO ADDRESS BOBBY AS ‘KID’?

Goddamn it, Gwen.

“Did Samuel really try to—”

“Kill me? Yes. He didn't even blink. That's the guy you're rolling with.”

“He didn't tell me anything about that. I didn't know.”

What would have Gwen done? Would she have left Samuel?

“Honestly, there's something I need to tell you.”

“What?” Gwen’s last word.

RIP Gwen Campbell. Killed by Dean. Deserved better.

Hell, at least Rufus tried.

“I’m sorry...if you care.”

“Screw you. I care.”

Ha.

Rufus seems more affected by Gwen’s death than Samuel, tbh.

Sam still has Christian in his contacts.

Rufus finds Dean.

“I'm not in the mood. I just had a 12-inch...Herpe crawl out of my ear.”

Even Dean seems more affected by Gwen’s death than Samuel.

Bobby’s plan: everyone turns in their guns.

Go on, Samuel.

How are Bobby and Rufus the only ones to try and make calls?

Dean is pissed.

“Relax. Bathroom break. So unless you want to hold it for me...” What a dick.

Omaha. I still don’t know what happened.

What exactly were they planning to do here?

“You fed us to Crowley.”

“True, but what am I gonna do about it now? Do I blame you for wanting to kill me? Of course not, Dean. What I did was...but I'm not apologizing.”

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS APOLOGIZE. THAT’S AT LEAST STEP 1.

OH SHIT, KHAN WORM.

Jesus, Samuel had time to set up traps.

Well crap.

“What you gonna do, son? You're not gonna shoot me. You got your soul back. You gonna shoot your own family?” DON’T PULL THOSE CARDS.

“You still want to know about your summer vacation? I'll tell you all about it. You're dying to know, huh?” You are such a prick.

“It’s all right Sam.” Samuel’s last words.

RIP Samuel Campbell. Killed by Sam. Death #2.

...and no worm is crawling out.

Bobby being happy to see Sam...then asking him to lower his weapon.

It’s no difference to Dean whether Samuel was possessed or not.

At least Sam now has the conscience to feel bad about this.

What would Mary say?

“You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say just 'cause you're blood doesn't make you family. You got to earn that.” I think Dean’s right: She'd lament Samuel’s death, but lament his betrayal to her own sons more.

That cable looks so damn dangerous.

Is it really worth bringing up Omaha again??

“Bobby, I said we've had this conversation already. And you could blabber all day... and it wouldn't change a thing, Bobby. I will never forgive you for what happened. You got that? Never. So change the subject, Bob.”

:(

OOHHH SHIT.

GET IN THERE.

Shit.

Oof. There went the Khan Worm.

“This can't be my afterlife 'cause the three of you are here.” pfft.

Now where is the pesky little bugger?

Just noticing how Bobby’s hiding his harms.

Ooowww, this is hurting me.

“I got a damn pacemaker.” pfft.

“Since when do you got a pacemaker?”

“Since Bush Jr., term one. I'm down three toes, too, F.Y.I.”

hahaha I really do love Rufus.

“Just a second, whatever you are.”

“I’m Bobby.”

“Bobby, my ass.” Rufus’ last words.

:( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Why do you keep talking about herpes?”

“What? I don't. Shut up. Shut up.”

Yeah ya do, hon.

Ewww, monster voice.

Eve’s message. Real original:

“You're all gonna die. She's pissed. She's here. And it's gonna be nothing but pain for you from here on in.”

Time to get the worm out.

Sam can’t even watch. :(

STEP ON IT....or not, as it’s already dead. Gotcha.

I resent this fake out.

RIP Rufus Turner. Killed by Bobby. I’ll miss you so much.

Bobby tells the story of how they met.

“You know, I-I was just a job. I was Joe mechanic. Then my wife got possessed... went nuts on me. I stabbed her, and that didn't stop her. Next thing I knew, this guy comes busting in, soaks her with holy water, and sends that demon straight to Hell so fast. I'd have gone away for killing her. But... Rufus cleaned up everything. Taught me a thing or two about... what's really out there. Pretty soon, we were riding together. Worked like that for years, kind of like you two knuckleheads.”

“It was Omaha. It was my fault, and he never let it go.”

“Well he should have.”

“I mean at the end of the day, you two are family. Life's short, and ours are shorter than most. We're gonna spend it wringing our hands?”

Dean’s got a point.

Clean slates for everybody, courtesy of Dean.

:(

[humanwithherpes-blog]

Herpes Whoredom

January 6th, 2018.

Candidness is key.

I had sex in the university’s science lab. Actually, the place where they genetically engineer goats to excrete spider silk. Like, these little guys produce milk that has copious amounts of one of the strongest, most indestructible materials made by nature. So I guess you can say I’m intricately woven into the larger scientific community. 

Back to the sex. I was having sex in the science lab. Exciting as it sounds, I actually realized I had left my tampon in after a couple of minutes. Extracting it wasn’t too difficult, but it left me extremely sore. 

The following day, I continued feeling a burning itch down there, which was unsurprising, and I assumed I had gotten a UTI, or yeaster infection, or at the worst, maybe even TSS (which I actually know nothing about), but the pain got more intense as the weekend went on, and I noticed a couple of bumps in my genital region. I remember lying in the bathtub with Epsom salt, and my roommate came into the bathroom to pee. I even had her take a look, and she commented that it might just be bacterial vaginosis, something she had gotten a while back. “Yeah, that’s kinda what it looks like. Just go to urgent care and they’ll give you antibiotics. You should be fine. It’s probably because of the whole tampon sex thing.” 

“Thank you, wise roommate! I indeed shall go to the doctor first thing in the morning.”

January 8th, 2018.

The nurse led me to the examination room, and I declined to sit in the chair; instead, I squatted on the floor because that was the only position in which I felt semi-comfortable. She took my pulse and got my weight and asked me the normal questions, and I told her about the Tampon Sex and how I had self-diagnosed with Bacterial Vaginosis. 

She was honestly kind of bitchy. She was making this kind of sour expression on her face the whole time and rolled her eyes at me when I was telling her that I was in pain. 

 Maybe she was having a bad day, or just like, has RBF, but she rubbed me the wrong way, and when the male doctor had me put my feet in the stirrups so he could peer into my aching vagina, she stood in the corner, with the stupid pinched look on her stupid bitchy face, all I could think was Does this bitch have to be in here right now, and the doctor, right away, in a low voice, said, “Hmm, yeah, that looks like it’s herpes.”

He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and that stupid nurse stared at me with her nose wrinkled up and did a little eyebrow lift before she left the room. 

I wanted to punch her.

And then I was like, okay, so what now? And he was like, “’kay, here are some meds, good luck, and bye!” 

The Next 10 Days

were the worst of my life. 

This was the first week of the semester. I tried going to class one day, but I had to walk so slowly and gingerly that I got there 30 minutes late, and then I had to pee, and I ended up just crying in pain on the bathroom floor until a friend could come pick me up. 

What started out as little bumps turned into fiery little sores and even open lesions that extended all the way into my cervix and around my urethra. Yeah, the acid in my piss burned the hell out of me every time I had to pee. Eventually, I figured out this routine where every time I would go, I would get on all fours in the bath tub and kind of splash water on myself when the pee would come out to relieve some of the pain faster, screaming in pain the whole time, and then I would rinse out the bathtub and just lie in there for like half an hour. 

I didn’t want to drink fluids because I didn’t want to pee. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t sit down. Everything was painful. 

And I was like, holy shit holy shit, no one is every going to want to have sex with me again. I’m a modern-day leper. I have this nasty little virus inhabiting my body and it will never go away. It’s invaded me. Like, it thinks that it can just use me as its home and hurt me and just basically fuck up my life.

Most of my friends were supportive. My mom sounded shocked and appalled, but she was really nice, and my best friends brought me over soup and candy and books almost every day. I did have one friend, however, when I disclosed to him about my STI, that looked me in the eye and told me, “I will never see you the same.” 

I contacted the men I’d been with in the last six months, encouraging them to get tested. Many ran into the same problem: the clinics were unwilling or reluctant to test them since they had no symptoms. (Even though 85% of HSV-positive individuals DON’T HAVE SYMPTOMS.) And can herpes be spread asymptomatically? YES IT CAN. I got my herpes from a person with no symptoms. 

Stuck at home, with nothing else to do, I did a lot of research. I have to give a shout-out to Ella Dawson, whose herpes blog provided a lifeboat to my mental and emotional health. 

I dedicated my time to several online support groups, and I educated myself on everything there is to know about HSV2.

And then life went back to “normal”

The Valtrex eventually did its thing and the pain of the herpes went away, but I was left to deal with the negative social stigma that accompanies it as I dove back into the dating world. 

There was this Tinder dude who was trying to have sexy talk with me, and this is how the conversation turned: 

Okay dude, you don’t want herpes but A. who even said that we were going to have sex and B. don’t be an asshole.

And while we are talking about douchebags, here is another unrelated, non-herpes conversation I had with a tinder dude: 

Jesus, like I DON’T WANT TO SEND YOU NUDES AND IF I DO I WILL BUT BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU GET.

Sidenote: I have met many lovely, kind, respectful gentlemen on tinder and bumble. 

I started seeing this guy, we’ll call him Marty, for a couple of weeks, and he seemed to handle the herpes thing pretty well. In fact, it didn’t bother him at all.  We were going to have sex, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. He started acting weird, and finally admitted that he was afraid of contracting HSV2 through my blood. If he couldn’t handle it, that’s fine, but I can’t handle being around someone who can’t handle it, so I told him goodbye. 

Yes, I faced the cold sting of rejection, as certain men decided I wasn’t worth their time, which is fine, because ultimately, those type of people aren’t worth my time either. I’m honestly a very fit, sexy, funny, intelligent, kind, successful 25-year old woman and anyone that can’t see past my herpes can go bury their head deeper in the sand where it belongs. 

 I came to some realizations:

1. I can’t break the stigma if I stigmatize myself.  As an HSV2-positive female, I have 3 choices: add to the shaming of herpes by putting myself down, hide from the shaming of herpes by keeping it a secret, or fight the shaming by telling people my story. In sex ed they show you gross, scary pictures of genital infections, but where was the part about those parts belonging to a human being whose identity is bigger than an STD? What about her likes and dislikes, her community of people she loves, and in return loves her? What about her career, what she does to pay her bills, her vices, her habits, her passions? 

We aren’t just looking at an STD, we are looking at part of a multi-faceted individual. 

I am an individual. I love coconut water and I hate Chili’s southwestern eggrolls. I like karaoke and game night, and I like sitting in the sun while I draw or read a book. I’m a waitress, a student, a transcriber, a musician, an artist, a lover, a sister, a friend. 

I am HSV2-positive, but it does not change my value. 

2. The bad reputation society has given herpes comes down to sex shaming. 

Though it is a popular Christian belief that sex should be saved for the sanctity of marriage, or used only for reproductive purposes, it is not a consequence or punishment of “promiscuity.”  Having herpes does not make one gross or undesirable. Any individual with one, none, or multiple partners, does not “deserve” to get an STD. Sex is a part of life, therefore, STD’s are a part of life, and it is nothing to snub or look down upon. 

3. STD-screening and Sex Education needs some serious reform, folks.

You are not a “dirty, used shoe that has been worn by the entire football team” if you’ve had sex. That was the video I was shown in my sex-ed class, and it made me feel like shit about myself for a long time. 

Maybe instead of pushing for abstinence, we can be realistic and talk about safety and condoms and create an UNDERSTANDING of sex, rather than FEAR.

If you don’t have symptoms, get tested. If they refuse, get tested somewhere else. 

Don’t let your doctor be a dick-wad. I went to get a Valtrex refill the other week, and he told me, “If you got herpes at the beginning of the year, and you’re already sexually active again, maybe you should reconsider how much sex you’re having.” 

Maybe you should reconsider your right to comment on my sex life, mister. I reported him. Don’t let them say shit like that. It’s not okay.

But you know what is okay? Having herpes! 

I have herpes, and it’s actually pretty okay. 

(me rn, typing this in the library) 

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

If You Can't Love Yourself Then Try Simply to Stop Hating Yourself

I have been diagnosed as seropositive for herpes. Never had an outbreak, never experienced any symptoms, and yet i feel like an ugly walking plague. I was diagnosed back in 2019 and ever since then I have been depressed and drained and ready to give up on everything. I've been a child who has been abused mentally and I've been bullied from preschool up until my last day of high-school. 

My luck with guys has been very low, and now that i have this it's even lower than the dirt. I have no friends to talk to, and the only person who knows is my mother, but what can she do? I feel like ending it because there is no one who would be willing to date me, be in a relationship with me or even get married. I fear that i will be the only one in my family who dies single and alone and honestly I'd rather kill myself than to suffer all those years. I feel so dirty, worthless and unloved. 

The saddest part of all is that I'm in a relationship, and to someone who doesn't treat me right. But who am I to turn my nose up and leave? I have no right. If anything I should be thankful that someone would cast their eyes upon me and grace me with their presence. After all, i have an incurable disease and no matter how i look at it, it's not something anyone wants. I've even heard that guys would overlook a female who has a wonderful personality, and so many other traits all because of this one stone in my path and I hate it. 

I hate me for not being pretty enough, for not being clean enough, for not being able to please people. I'm a worthless female with herpes and I deserve to die alone. My heart hurts so bad I wish I could rip it out and destroy it. Sometimes I wish I wasn't me, but you know a dream is just that, a dream. I'm reaching out in hopes that someone can calm me down or pray that God lifts this curse from me, because honestly I can't take not being accepted anymore. It's becoming the death of me.

Beautiful Darkness

So clearly I gave that name to our guest blogger. Courtney here! This comes through as raw pain, negativity, despair and darkness. Lucky for you, I’ve been shrouded in the darkness of others for a long time now and lemme tell ya, you’re so into it that there just might not be a way out of it. If you don’t see a way out of the darkness, that’s okay. Truth be told, the darkness makes for an ally when you befriend it. You can’t have a shadow to work through when everything is dark around you. 

You define suffering based on this ideal that those who have what they have are not suffering as well. I don’t think killing yourself is the way to go, especially considering all you’ve endured. You’re one of the strong ones and perhaps your strength comes from this darkness you’ve endured already.

There’s such beauty in darkness. In all the hopelessness, despair, and loneliness, you realize this to in fact be what peace is.

Pursuing the light, staying in the light, that shit is chaotic because you have to battle darkness day in and day out. You face your shadow every waking moment of your existence and you suffer from addiction in avoidance of the darkness, deprivation in avoidance of the darkness, self-deprecating in avoidance of your darkness.

Why on earth would anyone want to consciously battle their shadow for the chaos in which is light? You’ve experienced the darkness so long, you can’t recognize the calm you’re in. That state of peace has become home to you. You’re in a constant struggle with who you are and who you want to be. As I read your email, I hear someone not trapped in darkness, but someone afraid of their freedom in it. You’re in that relationship as someone you don’t recognize with someone you think you need to be someone you aren’t for. This misconception of needing to be more clean, more pretty, more this more that comes from the light. This toxic positivity shit needs to stop. Don’t let anyone invalidate your emotions.

If you hate yourself, that is how you feel. I’m not going to talk you out of your feelings, but lean into them, feel them, and observe them. Why do you hate yourself? Is it because you don’t love yourself? What does it look like to love yourself? Why do you want to love yourself? If loving yourself is synonymous with coming into the light when you’ve found comfort in the darkness, then why create discomfort and fight against yourself? 

I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve connected with over the years in dark places. I hear “I hate myself” far too often to the point where I realized I needed to find the gifts in that phrase. Your relationship with your darkness reminds me of something I do out of habit, which is to empower myself through genuine negative thoughts expressed in genuine positive actions. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about how much worse something can be, and then plan for it. I expect disappointment regularly and when that worst case scenario doesn’t happen, I’m surprised. I question my value in relationships, my career choices and passions on a regular basis and planned for failure or to just completely fuck it all up with one temptation or bad decision. I don’t fight the light and suffer. I accept the negativity and darkness as it is. That acceptance happens to calm the storms of darkness to allow light to filter through.

Life is a gift. The darkness is a tool to work with. Our suffering comes from allowing it to use us or for us to use it. Don’t worry about trying to love yourself. Just work on hating yourself a little bit less.

Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 Non Profit organization that connects people who are struggling with their HSV diagnosis to mental health, community support, and education resources in order to help them navigate the stigma. You can support our efforts by donating below or by visiting www.spfpp.org.

[happymediium]

⛸️ 👊 GOON (2011) SENTENCE MEME 👊 ⛸️

Warning for NSFW and offensive language. Feel free to change pronouns, tenses and punctuation however you want!

“I think that we both have a light in our stomachs, a special light, like ET. My stomach light needs your stomach light. We can all phone home together.”

“Two rules, man: Stay away from my fucking percocets and do you have any fucking percocets, man?”

“He’s probably giving some single mother herpes in a parking lot.”

"You like hot dogs 'cause you like cocks in your mouth, son!”

"Look, no disrespect intended, but honestly fuck your parents if they don't fucking appreciate you, man.”

“I’m stupid, he’s gay. We’re stupidgay.”

“He drinks a lot of hand sanitizer.” 

“For the record, they’re both adopted.”

“Last week, he called in pretending he was from some fucking sweepstakes and told me that I had won the grand prize of 50 cocks in my mouth. He says I have the option of sucking all 50 at once or one a month for 50 fucking months.”

“Fuck this fucking sad shit.”

“I am pretty sure my fucking eyeballs just ejaculated.”

“I’ve had enough of you and your fucking sweater vest police state censorship, okay?”

“69! Take the number 69, it’s hilarious!”

“Spit it out. You’re a big boy, use your big boy words.”

“It’s okay, you gotta be shitty to get better.”

“You’ve been touched by the fist of God, for Christ’s sakes!”

“I remember when his dick was a tiny little fucking Christmas light!”

“What’s so fucking funny, giggly bits?”

“You fucking Chernobyl motherfuckers.”

“Well, that was borderline treasonous.”

“You know that cats only meow when there’s people around?”

“We should sign his dick, everyone sign his dick.”

“Why don’t you give me your number and I promise that I’ll never call you?”

“Okay, Siegfriend, let’s go, Roy. Eye of the fucking tiger.”

“I mean, Jesus, all we did was make out.”

“I have a boyfriend, which is awesome. Fuck.”

“It’s not the first time wind blew garbage in my face.”

“Look at your fucking fist, it’s the size of my Uncle Murphy’s prostate.”

“Whatever it is that’s making you fucking ovulate, you better figure it out and get your fucking shit together.”

“Everyone loves the soldiers until they come home and stop fighting.”

“I will lay you the fuck out.”

“Hey, if I wanted any lip from you, I’ll rattle my zipper.”

“I’m high on painkillers.”

“Pass the duchy, man.”

“I am so fucking proud. You are un-fucking-real. The stuff...that you are...that is...is fucking great.”

“When you deserve a beating you take it.”

“You make me want to stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.”

“Look at you. Did you fall off a toilet paper roll? Do you pee rainbows? Do you fart cinnamon? Does a rainbow come out of your nipples?”

“No glory holes here tonight.”

“I'm gonna go crack some champagne and make love to my old lady. It'll be the first time, the best time, in a long time.”

“You can do anything except punch people, okay?”

“You're so pretty. You're so beautiful. I'm sorry, I keep saying that. I'm sorry.”

“I think it's a pretty name. Like your face. You got a pretty name and a pretty face.”