#here's a really pissed killian

[wyntereyez]

Wool of bat and tongue of dog

Thanks to @jrob64 for the banner! It's perfect.

Here's the first part of my @cssns contribution. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but thanks to me being a terminal procrastinator combined with a very busy two weeks at work, my brain can't word very well at the moment.

Part One

The door to the Storybrooke Bat Rehabilitation Center was unlocked.

Emma immediately went on the alert. Mary Margaret had left over an hour ago, and she’d never have forgotten to lock the door behind her. After Walsh and the events of the previous month, Emma had taken to bringing her gun with her. She could see Mary Maragaret’s frown whenever she spotted it, but Emma refused to be alone without it. 

Not when she was a potential target for the supernatural.

And now, it looked like her fears were well-founded, because there was something inside the building that definitely wasn’t a bat. Emma had inched the door open, holding her breath so she could listen. She could hear something moving in the lobby, by the reception desk.

A deep, resonating growl that made a primal part of Emma want to scream and flee. Her grip tightened on the gun, and she started to raise it.

Then an annoyed chittering followed, which was interrupted by a yip of indignation. Supernatural, all right, but familiar.

Emma holstered the pistol and stepped inside.

A massive wolf was crouched next to the desk, eyes locked on the large fruit bat perched on the edge. The bat raised his head and made delighted squeaks, and the wolf offered a wag of the tail before turning her snarling muzzle back to the bat.

“No supernatural turf wars before I’ve had my coffee,” Emma grumbled. She picked Killian up and plopped him down atop the startled Ruby’s back, then headed towards the breakroom. Ruby padded along after, Killian clinging to her shoulders for dear life.

They both waited patiently as Emma brewed a pot of coffee. While she waited, she grabbed the fruit bowl from the fridge and offered it to Killian, who daintily grabbed a slice of banana and half a strawberry. Ruby’s tongue flicked out, snatching two melon cubes and getting saliva all over the fruit, making Killian shriek in indignation. Emma sighed. “Can we use human words now, please?”

The fruit bat clumsily pulled himself to Ruby’s side, then released his grip on her fur. If he’d been a normal crippled bat, Emma would have dove to rescue him. But the bat never hit the ground; instead, a leather-clad man crouched next to the massive wolf.

Ruby licked his face, smearing melon and saliva on his cheek. Killian sputtered, and she trotted off, making a noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

“How’d you piss her off this time?” Emma asked as she added cream and sugar to her coffee.

“What makes you think I’m responsible, Swan?” Killian pouted as he straightened. His hook gleamed in the fluorescent light.

“You turned into something small, helpless, and cute to argue with her,” Emma pointed out. 

“Which wasn’t enough to prevent me from being angry with you,” Ruby said as she re-entered the break room on two legs.

Now that Emma was in on her secret, Ruby had taken to leaving spare clothes at the Belfry in case of unexpected transformations. She returned shortly in human form, wearing a red T-shirt and black leggings. Her feet were bare, toes caked with dirt from her run. She made a beeline for the coffee pot.

“You’re late tonight,” Ruby commented. “Did something happen?”

“I spent all day at the Town Hall.” Emma couldn’t hold back her groan. “You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult to select an interim mayor. They just need someone to hold the position until an election can be held.”

The mayor had been found dead of a heart attack in his office two days previous, throwing the city council into an uproar. It was a headache that Emma really didn’t need. Especially since there was one member of the council famous for disagreeing with everything, and he’d loudly shot down every candidate. Several of the city council members were friends of his, and tended to follow his lead, which led to deadlocked votes. “He’s going to drive me insane,” Emma sighed.

“Leroy?” Ruby hazarded.

“Yep. Had an argument for everything. By the time the meeting was called, the council still hadn’t chosen anyone, and I almost went to the Rabbit Hole instead of coming here.”

“Sounds worse than vampire politics,” Killian snorted. “Though I imagine there’s less blood.”

“You’d be surprised,” Emma slumped into a chair, her exhaustion finally getting to her. “So what were you two fighting about?” 

Killian and Ruby exchanged glances. “A deer,” they said in unison. 

Emma rubbed the bridge of her nose, already sorry she asked. This was going to add to her headache. “And why was this particular deer so important? We’re surrounded by woods, there are hundreds of them around.

“I was hunting it, of course. A vampire can’t live on strawberries alone. And deer’s blood can sustain me for more than a week.”

“You didn’t have to choose my prey!” Ruby’s voice had developed a snarl not unlike her wolf’s vocalizations. “I’d been stalking that deer for more than an hour!”

“It was the only deer I’d scented for miles,” Killian defended. “And unlike you, I need live prey.”

Emma tensed, suddenly reminded that she was dealing with two supernatural predators. She reminded herself she’d seen Killian in bat form with his face buried up to his eyes in fruit, and that she’d once half-carried a drunken Ruby home. They were predators, but they had softer sides. Hell, she’d known Ruby since high school.

Ruby scowled and turned the other chair backwards, so she could sit on it with her chin resting on the headrest. She continued to glare at Killian.

“This isn’t your usual night for hunting.” Killian usually chose the nights where no one stayed overnight to go out.

“True; but that storm that’s brewing is going to hang around for a few days. I don’t fancy hunting in the rain.”

“Same reason I was out,” Ruby nodded. “I needed to get a good run in before being cooped up the next few nights. And deer are one of my favorite meals.”

Emma abruptly burst out laughing. At Killian and Ruby’s matching looks of bewilderment, she explained, “Sorry, I just thought about how it must look, seeing Killian stalk a deer when he’s dressed like a pirate.”

“He hunts as a wolf,” Ruby growled. “Which makes him a trespasser on my territory.”

“You can turn into a wolf?!” Emma asked incredulously, then wondered why she was so shocked. She’d been dealing with the existence of the supernatural for nearly a month now; she should be used to this, right?

“Aye,” Killian said, “vampires can become any creature of the night. Though we’re far more impressive than weres.” 

Emma wondered what was considered a ‘creature of the night’, especially since she knew wolves were frequently active during the day. Could he become an opossum? A raccoon? Maybe a cricket?

Vampire crickets, now there was a thought.

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Vampiric wolves look like how wolves were traditionally depicted: all snaggly teeth and glowing eyes. Werewolves, on the other hand, are perfect specimens of wolf: lithe and muscular, swift as the wind.”

“So… you’re like the goths and jocks of the wolf community?” Emma took a sip of her coffee to hide her amusement as she watched Ruby sputter indignantly. Killian simply smirked, flashing that chipped fang.

“Perhaps we should continue our tale, lass, before we end up at each other’s throats, aye?” Killian said softly, and Ruby calmed.

“Yeah.” Ruby shook her head as though to dispel the last vestiges of wolf. 

The change in tone put Emma on immediate alert. “What happened out there?”

“Something spooked the deer badly enough that it turned around and fled past us,” Killian said. 

Oh. That didn’t sound good. Emma set her coffee aside, suddenly too nauseous to finish it. “Did you investigate?”

“Yeah,” Ruby said. “We followed the deer’s path, and soon we could smell what had frightened it. It was…wrong. It made my hackles rise, and I was growling without even knowing at what. Killian and I crept forward, and that’s when we found it.”

“An altar,” they said in unison.

Ah. Emma doubted they meant the kind you’d find in a church. “Oh?” Her coffee was getting cold, she noted as she took a lingering sip.

“A witch’s ritual altar,” Killian clarified, staring at her intensely. 

“A witch? Of course they’re real, too,” Emma sighed. “How worried about this should we be?”

“I’m not sure yet. I need a better look at the altar and the sigils around it to get an idea of what sort of ritual was performed.”

“So you’re an expert in witches now?” Ruby arched a brow.

“No, but I can ask people who are, and for that, I need photos. We need to get back out there immediately and photograph the site.”

Neither would have had access to their phones’ cameras, of course. Ruby would have been a wolf, and while Killian could transform clothes along with his body, it only seemed to be the archaic black leather outfit he favored when he wasn’t pretending to be human. Objects like his phone or wallet didn’t survive the transformation.

“Swan, I’d like you to come along as well; I want to see how you react to the magic.”

When Walsh had tried to compel Emma, he’d discovered that she was immune to his vampiric powers. This intrigued Killian, because it was a very rare gift not found in pure humans. He was determined to figure out just what was in her bloodline.

Emma was less enthused about this. She didn’t have any interest in parents that had abandoned her as a baby. She only cared about David and his mother Ruth, who had taken her in when she was a feral street child and given her a home and love.

Plus, she really didn’t want to walk around the woods after dark. There might be ticks or something.

“Now? It’s almost midnight!” And the moon was only a crescent, meaning it would be dark as pitch outside.

“Aye, but there’s a storm rolling in. All the evidence will be washed away by morning. Likely by design,” Killian said.

Reluctantly, Emma grabbed her coat from the closet while Ruby went off to change back into a wolf. Despite the protection of a large wolf and a vampire, Emma felt a thrill of fear as they stepped away from The Belfry’s exterior lights and to the edge of the forest beyond.

Her flashlight did little to help.

“So… tell me about witches,” Emma said. “Just how dangerous are they?”

“Most witches are benign,” Killian corrected, surprising her. “Just women gifted with knowledge and a bit of magic. Many of them end up in positions where they can use their gifts to help others: doctors and nurses, veterinarians, financial advisors, that sort of thing. Some are hide amongst charlatans, using real magic and divination to tell futures or speak with the dead, though those are rare. Mostly, they just live among humans, leading normal - though perhaps luckier - lives.

“True practitioners of the black arts are rare. They’re hunted by their own kind, in much the same way I take care of out of control vampires. This one… the scent of her magic is rotten.”

“What can someone with that kind of magic do?”

Killian scratched his cheek with the tip of his hook as he thought. “They can create curses, give others ill luck, or even kill without touching their victim. We won’t know much more until my expert has had a look.”

There was silence for a while after that, as Emma tried to fit this into her already shaken worldview. Finally, she decided it was just too much for one night, and turned her thoughts to something else.

“Henry really enjoyed visiting your ship the other day. It’s all he’s been talking about ever since.” Henry’s class had taken a day to tour the ‘real’ pirate ship (which was, in fact, a very real pirate ship, captained by a very real pirate), and he’d come home asking for sailing lessons. Not possible so late into the season, but she’d promised him that if he was still interested next year, she’d look into it.

“He’s a fine lad,” Killian told her. “Smart, and curious about everything. I’d be delighted to teach him some sailing basics, if…”

If you give me a reason to stick around, Emma knew he was thinking. Because Emma knew it was more than the threat of a rogue vampire that kept Killian living as a bat in Storybrooke. And three nights ago, Killian had finally made his move to see if there could be anything between them.

“So, Swan, are you looking forward to tomorrow night?”

Ahead, Ruby slowed, canting back one ear. Emma thought at first something had put her on alert; then she realized her friend was eavesdropping.

Right. Tomorrow. When she and Killian had dinner reservations for Bella Notte. Their first date.

She’d never been so nervous.

She wanted to date Killian. But her violent introduction to the world of vampires had left her cautious. Even Ruby’s reassurance that vampire society worked as Killian had described, with strict laws and enforcers that carried out ruthless punishments for lawbreakers, she’d still been wary.

Walsh had been terrifying, but he’d been newly-turned. Weak. Killian was centuries old and powerful.

He also squeaked at her petulantly if she gave him banana slices when he wanted strawberries.

The rumbles of thunder that had begun when night fell were growing louder, and Emma was beginning to worry they wouldn’t make it to the altar in time. But after forty-five minutes of what felt to Emma like random stumbling around in the dark, Ruby let out a sharp bark.

“We’re here,” Killian said unnecessarily. Because Emma could feel the change in the air, something that made her hair stand on end. 

“The hell?” she asked.

“So you do feel it,” Killian sounded as if she’d just confirmed something for him.

How could anyone not feel that? It was a miasma that pressed against her, threatening to smother her.

She fought down the urge to claw at her skin, and forced herself to examine the altar.

If Emma had been walking through the woods alone, she never would have seen it - or at least not realized it wasn’t a natural formation. She ran the flashlight beam over a tree that had been split in half, probably by a lightning strike. One half had fallen to the side, the other was still attached to the stump, but bent at a ninety degree angle to form a natural table just over knee height.

The split trunk was spotted with dark stains. A fragment of bone was caught in a furrow in wood.

“I’ll hold the torch if you’ll take the photos,” Killian offered. Emma handed the flashlight over, and he directed her to photograph the altar, as well as the sigils she’d missed at first look. The were carved into the ground, or painted onto the trunks of surrounding trees with the same fluid that had stained the altar.

Killian was thorough. Emma wondered if he was like this with all investigations, because she could use someone like him in the Sheriff’s Department.

Thunder boomed, and Emma and Ruby jumped. “Storm’s almost here,” Killian observed. “We’d better leave now, before we’re caught out in it.”

They only just managed to make it back to The Belfry before the sky opened up. Emma was soaked through by the time she managed to unlock the door, and Ruby reeked of wet dog. Killian, she noted, managed to look ridiculously good even when wet.

The rain pounded away into the night, and Emma shivered. She hoped it would be enough to wash away the taint of evil in the forest.

~oOo~

The stranger stank of dark magic.

Emma had been in the back office of the sheriff’s station, taking care of paperwork, when David had called her up front.

Grateful to escape her papery hell, she’d hurried up front - only to be brought up short by the elegant woman in the immaculate business suit who was ignoring David’s attempts to be friendly. Emma, however, immediately drew her interest.

Dark eyes ran up and down Emma, and perfect lips turned down into a frown, as if she’d found Emma lacking. “Can I help you?” she asked stiffly.

“I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Regina Mills,” the woman said haughtily. “I’m the new mayor of Storybrooke.”

~tbc~

[bullet-prooflove]

Clean: Trey Cahill x Reader

Tagging: @@mariashane @kj77 @tiredmarshmellowuwu @choppedgalaxynerd @herwordslikebutterflywings @flopiboni @words-and-seeds @aiko24k @@kane-nero-6 @wabi-sabi1090 @kmc1989

Trey used to traffic drugs. His dealer used to give him ten grand to transport a few bricks of coke over the border into Arizona under the guise of delivering one of the classic cars he’d been restoring to a buyer.

It was usually a five hour trip to the stash house. He’d drop off the merchandise, take his cut and then get high in a shitty roadside motel. He’d stay there for days until he was right again to drive the five hours back to Vegas.

He doesn’t do that crap anymore, he hasn’t since Folsom got him into rehab two years ago. That’s when he got serious about restoration, started turning a profit on the garage, building a client base. He may not ask where all of his spare parts come from for the sake of plausible deniability but the heavy stuff, he’s out of it.

If he gets caught it’s not just his life he fucks up, it’s yours too. You’re already getting shit for dating a former criminal, you will never admit it to him but Folsom had filled Trey in after the scuffle with the defence attorney. That stuff, it reflects badly on you, it puts you under scrutiny.

He’s kept his nose clean since then. He’s stopped going to the bars with all the shady shit going on, lost contact with the people who could suck him back into that life, tossed his burner phones. He’s gone completely legit.

He has his head tucked under the bonnet of a 1969 Chevy Corvette when Killian turns up at the garage. There’s a problem with the starter, he’s still trying to figure it out when he hears someone clearing their throat behind him. He knows it’s Killian, even before he glances over his shoulder. He’s been trying to get a hold of him for days now, putting the word out through the people they used to have in common for Trey to get in touch because he needs the cars to move product.

“You’ve been ignoring my calls.” Killian says as Trey straightens up and turns to face him.

He’s leaning against the hood of a Stingray Trey’s been tuning up, his hands are tucked into the pockets of his black leather jacket. He looks more haggard than the last time Trey saw him. Dipping into his own supply, Trey thinks.

“That’s not my life anymore.” Trey tells him as he picks up the rag from his work bench and uses it to clean the grease from his hands. “I thought you would have got the message when I stopped buying drugs from you.”

“Hm.” Killian says as he holds up a baggie of coke between two fingers. “So I assume you don’t want this.”

This is how it starts, he remembers. A freebie, a little fun, before he knows it he’s five grand in the hole, doing ‘jobs’ to pay off his debt.

“Do you think I’m really that weak?” Trey laughs, crossing his arms over his chest trying to ignore the twitch in his fingers. “That I’m going to jump back into bed with you because you offer me a bump.”

“I think if I leave this here.” Killian says setting the baggie down on the workbench alongside Trey. “I’ll be getting a call from you in a couple of hours’ time for a little more.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Trey bites back and Killian gives him that smile, the one that sets Trey’s teeth on edge.

“Once an addict…” Killian says, pushing the baggie towards him.  “…always an addict.”

It’s a few hours later that you turn up at the garage. The lights are still on despite the late hour. Part of you is worried and the other part pissed because Trey was supposed to meet you for dinner tonight at that little Chinese place you both like. You’d sat there for an hour before you realised he wasn’t coming. He hasn’t been picking up his calls or his texts.

When you step inside you find him hunched over the workbench with his head in his hands. Your hand comes to rest on his shoulder and he flinches at the sensation before he turns his head to look at you. His eyes are red rimmed, the vibrant blue shining through the frustrated tears as the muscle in his jaw clenches.

“Trey.” You say softly and he takes a sharp inhale of breath before he tilts his head towards something on the workbench.

“I need you to get rid of it.” He says, his voice pained as you follow his gaze to the baggie of coke. “If I touch it…”

He trails off because he doesn’t need to say anything else.

Two years sobriety, everything he’s worked for, it’ll be gone and he can’t go back to that place, not when he’s come so far. But the thing is he can’t seem to help himself. His mouth is dry, his fingers itch, he can feel himself giving in and he’s powerless to stop it.

You pick up the baggie and tuck it into your pocket. The relief is visible, Trey exhales for the first time in what seems like hours, the tension seems to flood out of his body as he uses the back of his hand to wipe across his eyes.

“I need to know what happened tonight.” You say quietly. “How this ended up here.”

If it were anyone else including Folsom he’d lie, say one of his customers dropped it because he wouldn’t want them to know about all the bad shit he’s done in the past. But it’s you and he’s always been honest with you and that’s not about to change today.

He tells you everything, from the product he used to move for Killian, to the nights he spent high as kite. You listen quietly, your hand holding his and he’s grateful for that because being here with you, it keeps him anchored, it reminds him that he’s more than just his addiction.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He says quietly as he clasps your hand to his cheek. “Really I don’t.”

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[ouatsnark]

sqs are exhausting. one claiming "the jab you with my sword line being apart of r*pe culture and it's not just killian implying sex with the line he wants to exert power over emma in that moment...but that's the point! he's an asshole trying to throw her off her balance & she kicks his ass!! he's also throwing the fight so she could get the compass and get back to henry! obviously in that point in the show emma isn't that experienced and he is (he def taught her the spin move emma does in s4)

So I've actually talked about how Regina and SwanQueen are the real so called "rape culture" : here and here

But the highlights are:

My favorite way to respond to this is bringing up the fact that the SwanQueen fandom sexualizes Regina's "how to get the savior to taste my forbidden fruit" which is Regina literally drugging Emma

In fact they sexualize all of S1-2 as Regina and Emma being in love while Regina is very clearly trying to kill Emma. The fact that they believe either is in love with the other during this is the epitome of "abuse culture".

Regina's rape and abuse of Graham is the canon sexual abuse that is ignored. In fact the majority of her fans see Graham as the lucky one or Regina as the victim because of the show's poor handling of this which is in fact real "rape culture" as they make Regina out to be the victim instead of the monster that she is.

Regina is so much more than "rape culture" she's more like "villain culture" because she gets away with all of her crimes without paying for them, without any sacrifice at all or admitting of any guilt that has her groveling at the feet of her victims. In fact, she continues to insult and bully her victims without repercussions. Killian actually suffers immediate consequences for his actions.

Sexual innuendo is not rape. There is nothing about that S2 scene between Emma and Hook that casts his remark in a good light. Because as you say, she kicks his ass. If this was "rape culture" Emma would've swooned. But she didn't, therefore, not "rape culture".

YES he is a 300 year old asshole PIRATE! The humor in this is that Emma, a modern woman, is fighting a 300 year old PIRATE! Like. Laugh a little people. FFS. She doesn't get with him until AFTER he's left this life behind. AND after he decides to leave pirating behind we never see this crass behavior again because Killian actually goes through a change.

Also, that fight scene is so complex, really. Because on one hand I fully believe that he very much wanted to be the one getting to Storybrook and would've done everything necessary to get there because at this point his revenge came first and she'd just betrayed him. He was a little pissed at her. He was also very much still a villain at this point. I mean one of my favorite things about him is that he dropped the crass behavior as his redemption progressed. The pirate who made this crass joke to piss Emma off is not the same pirate she walked down the aisle with. HOWEVER, the fact that he was making jokes and not trying that hard to defeat her has me 100% believing that his heart was not into winning this fight.

[piraterefrigerator]

I'm redesigning the cs wedding and no one can stop me

This is literally a royal wedding, the canon wedding was just not enough, we deserved more. There should have been a wedding EPISODE

Also in my design they get to have their entire wedding AND wedding night and Fiona lets them have it because I said so. No curse immediately after, no lives endangered until at least the morning after

First base is Emma's outfit. I didn't like her dress and I didn't like her hair

First of all she gets this dress

It's really pretty, it's not traditional (aka plain white), the sleeves have kinda swan vibes, she would feel so so pretty in this dress like she should

Next her hair. Emma has BEAUTIFUL hair and yet they felt the need to hide it all away in what was basically the Dark Swan bun during the wedding and for WHY

THIS HAIR. Her hair is still down and flowy and showing off how beautiful it is but the front of her hair won't distract from the dress as it's pulled back in the braid

Second base is Killian's outfit. I actually had no beef with his outfit because it was very suited to him but I just wanna change a couple details to match my theme

THIS TIE AND FLOWER THINGY TO MATCH THE RED ON EMMA'S DRESS

AND THESE EARRINGS

Third base is guest list. The cs wedding consisted entirely of extras for the sake of the song and that pisses me off. Here's a list of who wasn't there but should have been, feel free to add anyone I missed or critique my decisions

Killian's crew. He doesn't have alot of people that aren't Emma's family but he does have them, and he spent 200 years with them. They're his friends and they should be at his wedding

Tink

Belle (forgive me if she was there and I missed her)

Ariel

Liam II (he's literally Killian's only remaining family, please god let him go to the wedding)

Nemo

Also I think Granny was there but she definitely is in my design and she pinches Killian and Emma's cheeks because I said so

Home plate is venue. Y'all know what's about to go down

GIVE ME WEDDING ON THE JOLLY ROGER

I love Henry but dude! Shut your mouth! Killian's one and only venue suggestion got shot down immediately because of a stupid excuse. And it would have plenty of room for everyone if they didn't feel the need to perform a musical number mid wedding (I love the song so so much and I love the musical episode but the song was the entire wedding and I hate that)

They could decorate it all nice, they could put roses and ribbons everywhere, Emma could get ready in the captain's quarters

It could've been so much more magical than they made it so I fixed it and made it magical you're welcome✨️✨️

[tildeathiwillwrite]

The Dangers of Jumping, Part 2

WoW Birthday Whump, Day 14: Chased

Whumpril Day 24 ("Brace yourself"), Day 25 (No time to rest)

WoW Birthday Whump Prompts List

Whumpril Prompts List

The Legend of Orian Goldeneye Masterpost

part 1

TW: chased, unconsciousness, head injury, dizziness, swearing

Context: Killian's still unconscious, and now Jas is running for their lives from a very pissed-off plant.

-----

Of course the fucking trees were alive.

Alive and very, very angry.

At least, Jas assumed it was angry. It wouldn’t be chasing her if it was happy or sad or annoyed or—

Well, maybe if it was annoyed.

“I said I was sorry!” She yelled, running desperately for her life. Well, her and Killian’s lives. The fabergé egg of a human was still unconscious. “If I’d known you could feel pain,” she continued between gasps of air, “I wouldn’t have jumped on you!”

The pine tree’s furious stomping was her only response. Thank God it was slow. Even with Killian across her shoulders, she could stay ahead of it. But she couldn’t outrun it forever. And if more of them showed up….

Jas kept running, swerving around the regular, boring, immobile trees, trying to lose the angry one in the darkness. But the thing kept on her trail. Did it even have eyes? Ears? How did it know where she was? Vibrations in the ground, maybe?

Not much she could do if it was that. She just had to get to the light she’d seen from the cliff. Maybe whoever was there could—

Jas's foot struck an unseen root, and she pitched forward and landed heavily on the ground. She cursed as she scrambled forward, trying to regain her footing, but the root wrapped around her ankle and dragged her backward. Thinking quickly, Jas pushed Killian off her shoulders and let the root pull her, scrabbling through the bag for anything useful.

A knife to cut the root, a flamethrower to burn the forest down, something.

The pine tree lifted her off the ground, upside down, and glared at her with something that resembled a face carved into the bark. The base of its trunk had split, forming crude legs, and rough ���arms’ had formed from a combination of trunk and branch. Jas held on tightly to the bag but gave up searching for a weapon. 

“Look,” Jas said, getting dizzy from the blood rushing to her head, “I realize that I hurt you when I jumped from the cliff, and for that I’m sorry. But he—” she pointed back to Killian— “is injured, and will probably die if I don’t patch him up.”

The tree didn’t react. Maybe it really didn’t have ears. They stared at each other for a few seconds that stretched into minutes.

“So…” Jas began, “are you going to kill me, or—”

The tree let go of her without warning, sending her to the dirt. Pain exploded in Jas’s head as she slammed into the ground, the headache returning in full force. She watched in a daze as it turned and stomped away into the darkness; the only traces of its passage were the strangely shaped footprints left behind in the dirt. Despite its size, it had not broken a single tree branch.

Exhaling slowly, she picked herself up off the ground, slinging the bag back over her shoulder. Pain hammered in her skull, but she had to keep moving. Something might have scared it off, and what if—

“...Jas?”

She jumped and whirled around to find Killian carefully sitting up, hand clutching the side of his head. “Was that… a tree?”

Jas quickly glanced over her shoulder. “Uh… yep.”

“And it was walking….”

“...yep.”

“How…?”

Jas just shrugged. “Dunno. I kind of pissed it off after I jumped on it and broke some branches, but it didn’t seem interested in killing me, so….” She handed him his jacket. “There’s a camp not far from here, I think. I’m hoping we can find help and shelter there so I can patch you up.”

Killian blinked. “Jumped… on… it…?” He glanced down at the bruises on his arms and back at her before slipping on the jacket. “Patch me up? Jas….”

“It looks worse than it is,” Jas waved him off, grabbing his hand. “Brace yourself.” She yanked him to his feet. 

Killian’s eyes glazed over, and the color flooded out of his face. He staggered, leaning heavily on Jas for support. “Oh… okay… I see that now….”

“Can you walk?”

He paused, thinking. “I think so….”

“Good. We don’t have time to rest here, we don’t know what else is hiding in these woods.” Or the tree might come back. Either way, Jas didn’t want to be here for any longer than necessary.

“Do you have the Pendant!”

Jas showed him the chain under her shirt. “It’s in better condition than both of us combined.”

Killian nodded and steeled himself. “Okay. Let’s go.”

@fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @whumpril @pigeonwhumps

[exhaustedpirate]

like the edit above, this fic was inspired by olivia rodrigo's song "bad idea right?" so if you want to see emma and killian get trapped in an elevator, go right ahead ;) major thanks to @ultraluckycatnd for being my beta!

rated G | 2306 words also on AO3

“See you soon…” 

Emma sighed as she put her phone away. This was a terrible idea. 

Actually, it was almost criminal.

Rule number one of break-ups: never have a one-night stand with your ex. Especially after said ex cheated on you. 

She’d blame it on the alcohol when she was tip-toeing out of his apartment the next day or even on David for being promoted and choosing a bar that’s a block away from his building. She could even blame it on Neal for sending her that text in the first place.

She sighed once more as she put her jacket on and started making the walk to his building. There was no excuse that would stop her friends from absolutely eviscerating her when they found out.

Emma hesitated at the door, looking up at the skies for some help, anything to stop her from going inside. And she waited and waited until her phone buzzed again.

Are you close? his message read.

And really that should have been a sign on its own, she was sure to be lying about that soon. But maybe it would be fine, maybe he would surprise her. Just heading for the elevator, she responded.

The doors to the elevator opened with a mighty groan and she tried to remain calm. She was not climbing 20 flights of stairs again. With a deep breath, she headed inside.

“Hold the lift!” Emma heard an accented voice call out and she jumped into action, pressing the open door button quickly. 

“Thanks,” he sighed out as the doors closed behind him just as loudly as they opened. “Didn’t want to be stuck in the lobby waiting for it to come back.”

“No problem.” Emma turned to him and immediately cursed the universe.

Here she was, heading to her ex’s apartment only to have this handsome hunk of a man remind her that there were so many other men in the world. He even smelled amazing, his musky perfume wafting her away as he pressed his floor button.

So she focused on the floor, anything that would stop her from having second - well, fourth and fifth - thoughts about what she was about to do. She watched as the elevator buttons lit up as they passed the second, third, fourth- before the rising box stalled with a shaking thump.

“What the hell?!” Her knuckles were white as she clenched the railing.

“Bloody hell,” her companion muttered, picking up his fallen phone. “Again?!”

“This has happened before?!” She was well aware of her high-pitched voice.

“Hmm, aye.” She was absolutely not focused on the way he bit his bottom lip. “The building manager always says it’s fixed, but- you don’t live here, do you?”

Of course he had blue eyes, dammit! And they were definitely not doing things to her insides. So she likes blue eyes, sue her.

“No,” she muttered, clearing her throat as she realized she had been staring. “I’m just visiting a friend.” More like a booty call, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, of course.” The way his cheeks grew redder told her that he might know it anyway. “Well, he’s basically just trying to put a band-aid over a bullet wound. But this is the only lift in the building so-”

“Yeah, I get it.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Just pissed it had to happen to me.”

He was watching her, she could feel him staring at her. Maybe she should have been embarrassed but she was too busy trying not to have a full blown panic attack. 

“Take deep breaths, love, I’m calling for help.”

She felt him move and he probably pressed a button because the sound of ringing filled the small rectangle. Emma focused on the evenly spaced tones other than her rapid breathing.

“Elevate Services, how may I help you?”

“Elevate, really?” Emma muttered and let his deep chuckle fill her heavy chest.

“Uhm, hi,” her elevator companion spoke to the button controls. “We’re stuck in one of your elevators and we’d really appreciate some help and maybe some uplifting words.”

Emma groaned. “Please, don’t you start with the puns too.”

His amused grin was devastatingly beautiful that she almost forgot her panic. Almost.

“Right, no problem,” the operator giggled - can’t blame her - before they heard the clacking of keys. “Which building are you in?”

“3B, on Farmhouse Road.”

There was a second of silence as she likely typed the address. “Oh yeah, that elevator has been having some issues.”

“No shit, lady,” Emma groused, her patience running thin.

“My apologies, lass.” And maybe she should have felt worse about putting him in that position but they were stuck in a murder box, so she was entitled. “We’re a little bit panicked.”

“I understand completely, not to worry.” Now Emma was feeling a little bad - the lady was being very nice. “I will try to contact the building manager and get him to check the control box. If that doesn’t work, I’ll call Emergency Services.”

“Do you know how long that will take?” the man asked, stopping Emma from asking the exact same question, although likely in a much more rude manner.

“I would say about half an hour? Just try to remain calm and push the button if there are any changes.”

“Thank you, lass, we will.”

The elevator was silent after the operator hung up except for Emma’s loud breathing. She kept her head up and her eyes closed, her hands painfully holding the railing.

“It will be alright, I promise.”

His voice was calming as she focused on its rhythm and cadence. “Can you just keep talking? It helps.”

“Of course.” He was quick to agree and her heart beat faster for a completely different reason. It was a very different response than she’d had before. “I think I could start with introductions, my name’s Killian Jones.”

“Emma Swan.” 

“That’s a lovely name and very fitting, if I may say so.” 

Maybe her blush could bring some blood flow to her head now. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He hummed as he tried to find something to say before exclaiming in a burst of inspiration, “Princess Bride was on TV last night. I don’t know if you've ever watched it, but it was my favorite film growing up.” Her head dropped to watch as he smiled, her lips ticking up to join him. “I had the VHS tape and I played it so many times, I couldn’t rewind it anymore.” 

A quiet chuckle left her as her heart quieted in her chest. “It was my favorite movie too.”

His grin was wide and damn. Just damn. “You seem a decent fellow…”

“I hate to kill you.”

“I hate to die.”

They grinned as they finished the quote at the same time.

“More of a Dread Pirate Roberts, are we?”

“What can I say?” Killian waggled his eyebrows, leaning against the wall in front of her with his ankles crossed. “I identify with the handsome pirate.”

“Not surprised.”

“Are you implying you find me handsome, Swan?”

Her eyebrow rose at the nickname and how lovely it sounded coming from his lips. “Maybe,” she shrugged with a smirk.

“I’m not much for implications, so I will say it outright. Buttercup’s beauty doesn’t hold a candle to yours.”

She felt her cheeks heat up. As cheesy as the line was, it just sounded right in his voice and his eyes didn’t betray any falsehood in his statement. 

“I hope I wasn’t too forward.”

“Hmm, no, not at all, just not used to it, I guess.” She shrugged lamely, beating herself up over showing too much to a relative stranger.

Killian almost looked offended. “That in and of itself is a crime.”

“Well, not every guy behaves like they came straight out of a period drama.” She waved her hand at him with a smirk.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He matched her smirk before sobering up. He scratched at the back of his neck and the endearing move made her insides dance the Irish jig. “But I meant it, you deserve to be cherished and cared for.”

“Hmm, thanks.” She couldn’t look at him anymore. If she did, she was sure to jump him. And that was more of a bad idea than accepting a booty call from your ex. 

Speaking of, she grabbed her phone from her pocket to check for any messages. But, as expected, no cell service.

“Just great…”

“I’m sorry, love, I’m sure your friend will understand when you explain it to them.”

Her laugh was bitter and she almost felt bad for the frown on his beautiful face. “Right. Neal is probably throwing a tantrum ‘cause I haven’t shown up yet.”

“And you’re still friends with him?”

Emma sighed. She was really going to tell a stranger, a handsome stranger. “Neal isn’t my friend, he’s my ex. I came here to, hmm, well…”

“Right,” Killian interrupted, nodding his head as he looked away, sparing her from having to actually say it, but it still didn’t hold back her mortification.

“I know that it’s a stupid idea, but-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, love.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want you to think that I’m dumb for putting myself through this.”

“I don’t think you’re dumb. I could never think that of you,” he quickly said, taking a step towards her. 

“You should, though,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I mean, he cheated on me and yet, I’m still here, giving him exactly what he wants.” 

“You’re not dumb, Emma.” His use of her name had her locking eyes with him. “If you are, then so am I. I did the same thing with my ex. Worst part is she was married.” He looked away, shame in his eyes now. “I’m not proud of it, of course.”

“What a pair, huh?”

They shared sarcastic laughter. “If anything, we can thank this elevator for stopping you from going through with it.”

She laughed once more before a realization stopped her. Maybe he was right, maybe this was the sign. Ugh, was she really taking a faulty elevator as a sign from the universe? Well, if it came with a handsome dark-haired gentleman, maybe she should.

“Do you want to go out for a coffee sometime?” Her sudden invitation surprised them both. She really hoped she wasn’t misunderstanding his look of desire. “Maybe I’m the one being too forward now.”

“No, not at all,” Killian quickly stopped her, his blush reaching the tip of his pointed ears. “I-I-”

Oh god, she hadn’t felt this way since she asked Lily to be her prom date in high school.

“Alright, guys, the elevator should come on now.” The voice from the control pad interrupted and she could almost strangle the woman. “It should take you up to your floors.”

“Hmm, yeah, thanks, love,” Killian cleared his throat, throwing his words at the microphone but without taking his eyes from her.

“Thanks,” she echoed.

“No problem, guys. Have a good night.”

The elevator groaned as it resumed its ascent towards the tenth floor. They hadn’t taken their eyes off each other and she silently begged him to give his answer. The ding was loud in the tense silence.

“This is your floor,” Killian muttered, his expression impassive. The doors were just as loud opening, slow and heavy.

“What the hell, Ems? What took you so long?” Neal’s voice sounded from the corridor and she finally broke eye contact with Killian to move towards the open elevator doors, missing his disappointed and self-admonishing look. “Come on.”

She stopped at the entrance, stopping the doors from closing as she watched her ex. Yeah, maybe she was about to be let down by a gorgeous man, but at least she wasn’t going to be sleeping with her piece of shit ex-boyfriend.

“This isn’t going to happen, Neal.” Emma took a step back into the elevator, finally letting the doors begin to close, slowly and grudgingly as if they were trying to get her to change her mind. She wasn’t going to. “Don’t ever call me again,” she finished before the doors finally closed on her past.

“God, that felt good,” Emma groaned as she leaned against the wall, the elevator continuing its ascent.

“I’m proud of you, love.” She turned to him to see his beautiful smile and gleaming eyes. It felt good to bask in his affection. What a new thing to experience.

The elevator dinged on his floor and he began to walk out of it, stopping just like her at the doors. 

“I didn’t answer your invite, did I?”

Emma watched him, looking for any clue as to what his answer would be, but she saw nothing but a hint of a smile that really could mean anything. “Hmm, no, you didn’t.”

“Would it be too forward to invite you in for that coffee?”

Her heart beat against her chest in an almost painful way. “It’s ten at night.”

“It’ll keep us awake so we can get to know each other better,” he shrugged. “I see nothing wrong with that.”

“Then I would love some coffee.”

His smile was dazzling and she couldn’t help but to reciprocate. He bowed and held out his hand and she couldn’t stop the giggle from coming out. “Just living up to my gentleman pirate role.”

She grinned. “Maybe we should even watch ‘Princess Bride’ tonight.” And she knew it was coming as she watched his eyes sparkle under the artificial light of the corridor.

“As you wish.”

---

“Did you really delay fixing the elevator, just to see if they would get together?” her coworker huffed disbelievingly, rolling his eyes.

She shrugged, a self-satisfied grin on her face. “What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic.”

[sanityshorror]

Yandere Julius loves Killian… I love it.

Oh my God I'm so sorry this turned into a very long ramble about Killian and Julius' relationship 😭 but if you bring up their relationship to me, there is a strong likelihood I will wind up rambling about their relationship as I did here😭😭

Julius is absolutely head over heels in love with Killian and obsessed with him, yes. However, Julius really isn't 'yandere' at all (I know many people write yandere HCs of him and I'm totally fine with with that - but given I'm his creator I really only speak on canon). SOOO...

The reason he wound up slitting Killian's throat had nothing to with...well, anything tbh. Julius still isn't sure what drove him to do that. He was very intoxicated (a lot of liquor and cocaine), far past his general breaking point, and Julius has quite the temper with a strong tendency to over react to the extreme (he will either not care and not react at all or over react to an unfathomable level - there's no in between with him).

Killian accidentally broke a glass and the broken glass was the straw that broke the camels back for Julius. Killian had always known that Julius would be the death of him in one manner or other, and Killian was perfectly content with that. He says that he would have been very disappointed and pissed if Julius hadn't been the one to take him out.

Most of all, Killian is (and Julius is, too) very glad that Julius did kill him because if Julius hadn't murdered Killian, then Killian and Julius' souls would not have become intertwined in a higher dimension after their deaths, and Killian would not have become an immortal demon with Julius either.

They are both very happy that things happened the way they did, as now they literally will be together for eternity and they have a truly unbreakable bond now due to their souls now being intertwined (which isn't something that could ever be undone).

They definitely have a much less toxic relationship in present day as demons. Their relationship as humans was such an utter wreck but they have been in love basically their whole lives.Killian and Julius were childhood best friends. Julius was 4 and Killian was 7 when they met, and they both instantly became extremely attached to each other and excessively codependent.

Killian was 8 when he developed a crush on Julius - he realized he had a crush on Julius after eating a worm to try to impress him (and then tried to violently throw himself in the closet, as Killian really struggled with accepting his orientation - pan - for a long time. [I would love to share all about killian's struggles with coming to terms that he also loves ween0rs - so feel free to send an ask!]

Julius didn't realize he was gay and in love until a few months after he turned 13. He very much had a subconscious crush on Killian for a good while before realizing it. Julius did recognize prior as it would have been impossible not to, that the way felt and thought about Killian, as well the way Killian made him feel was very different and exclusive to Killian.

However Julius, despite his very severe childhood trauma (of every kind you can think of), he still was very innocent in many, many ways and didn't even understand what crushes were.

Things slowly started to turn from platonic, then into innocent childhood crushes, as they got to their teens, the crushes turned into much, much more serious, very strong and overwhelming feelings and such - obviously given they were both teenage boys at that point, the way they thought of each other was no longer all that innocent.

Julius was 13 and Killian was 15. This was the same time their relationship started to slowly very quality become increasingly romantic. It was undeniable where things were headed and how they felt despite them both huffing copium about how they felt for each other. When Julius was 17 and Killian was 19, they both finally accepted the reality of their relationship after finally kissing each other for the first time (they could not stop kissing after that).

They wound up doing the do for the time when Julius was 18 and Killian was 20. Having sex with each other for the first time definitely brought them only cheer and resulted in their attachment intensifying 100x. It was Julius's first time, and with the man that he had already been in love with and lusting after for the past five years, so it's not really surprising that Julius had a lot of emotions from it both during, after, and still does. Killian, on the other hand, already had very, very extensive sexual experiences with more women than he can remember. However Julius was the first man Killian was wet, and Killian had already been so in love with Julius (and only Julius). Killian was not ready nor expecting it to be just as emotional of an experience for him as it was for Julius.

Now, while Julius is very obsessed with Killian and attached to him and all "mine mine mine," there's a huge factor that completely excludes Julius from being in a "yandere" category: Julius is not bothered by the fact Killian still sleeps around with countless women. Julius actually agreed it was fine when they got into a relationship. He knows the way Killian thinks of women, treats women, and knows that Killian only uses women for sex - that if it wasn't for Julius, Killian would be single. Killian is very, very emotionally faithful to Julius, however - and Julius is very upset by Killian having sex with other men or masc aligned, which is why Killian only does his fucking aroundwith women and fem aligned.

Now, on the other hand, Killian forbids Julius from having sexual activities with anyone who isn't him. Nearly every man that Julius did decide to mess around with is very much dead now - either done by Killian or Julius, himself, to prove to Killian he doesn't actually want anyone else, he just wanted attention and felt like Killian wasn't giving him enough, or to make Killian jealous and angry all because Julius wanted extra rough sex

In conclusion:

Julius and Killian have a very...wonky... relationship, yeah. But they're very in love and their entire relationship in all aspects is consensual. Even physically fighting each other or being toxic little shits - they both want and enjoy the rollercoaster of it all. Sometimes they will physically fight each other for fun out of sheer boredom, like it's an MMA match, as if they're in a ring with mfs watching like

But they both are so so so absolutely in love, infatuated with, obsessed with, attached to, and would do another for each other. 💖

Anyway, here's some ship art I've drawn, unfortunately all old stuff but I'm very tired and just picked the first files I had of ship art on my phone 😭 the first two are when they were humans. The third is current day, fourth is them getting married as demons, fifth is chibis of them, and the final, very old sketch is Killian picking Julius up and Julius pretending to be annoyed, he's even funnier when you know Julius is 6'2 without his boots, and 6'5 in them - he's not remotely short but Killian is a giant tank😭

[justanoutlawfic]

What do you think Emma's reaction would be to finding out about the 2x22 flashbacks (that Hook lied to Neal to gain his trust and gather information on how to kill Neal's father and then sold Neal off to Pan when Neal found out)? Part of me thinks that Emma would be furious since she loved Neal once, but from her almost non-reaction to the revelation that Milah, Hook's former lover, is Neal's mother in s5, I'm not so sure anymore.

So…I think it totally depends on when Emma finds this out.

Because on the one hand, if this was pre-Neverland/the missing year when Hookfire was still in a bad place, she’d be pissed and likely go off on Hook. And Neal would just sit there and do nothing.

But if this was an AU where Neal lived after the “you’re still that boy” scene and Hookfire was working on rebuilding a bond, Emma would still be pissed but Neal would talk her down. Because this ask really paints a black and white version of events. Which I’m not upset over, I think its how Neal looked at it for 200 years.

The truth is, Killian did grow to care about Bae and genuinely loved him. He did a terrible thing but once Neal realizes this, I think he’d be able to move past it. He was willing to with his dad.

This show is one of redemption and second chances. I don’t think Hookfire (and by extension, Killian) is incapable of that. Especially given Snow Queen’s growth and redemption.

So, if Neal could forgive him for it, I think Emma would too. She is able to forgive Regina for commuting horrible atrocities, so I don’t see it different here if Killian was truly repentant for what he did. And he genuinely seems to be.

Sorry, if this isn’t the answer you wanted or if you expected some scathing anti Killian post. I love Hookfire and I’m just as upset about the lost opportunity here as I am Swanfire and Papafire.

For what it’s worth, if Neal was still alive during the Underworld plot and rightfully pissed at Milah, I think Emma would’ve handled it much differently.

[deckerstarblanche]

Random WIP Thursday: Going to Hell (not sure what this is, but it typed itself onto this page!)

Emma was pissed off, and it wasn’t just because she was tired of fighting their way through Hell’s waiting room. No, she was pissed at Liam Jones; unpleasantly surprised that he turned out to be a self-righteous prick instead of the paragon of virtue Killian always idolized.

“Killian blames himself for being here…he’s been fighting darkness his entire life, and you pushed him off the cliff….Stop thinking of your own desires, and let him go…”

Liam’s harsh words kept repeating themselves inside her head, stomach-churning as they were.

Some of what he said was undeniably correct: She had been selfish as the Dark One, so desperate to keep her true love alive that she’d sent him hurtling backward; back down into the black void that had filled his soul for centuries. Maybe she really was the anchor keeping Killian from his destiny, and being forced to follow this endless clue path was her punishment. Emma shivered at the thought as a deep shame washed over her.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you coming?” Killian asked, the gentle concern in his voice breaking through her negative thoughts. She looked down, wishing she could melt into the floor instead of meeting his eyes. Emma had never met anyone whose eyes were actual windows into his soul before, but she had gotten to know him so well that she could read him like a book — most of the time. Right now, she knew his gaze would be soft and loving, and she didn’t deserve that.

“Oh…yeah, sorry. Let’s go,” she replied, hearing the lifelessness in her own voice, so she knew he’d pick up on her feelings. He always knew. Even though her legs felt leaden, she tried to exit the room, but his hand gripped her wrist, keeping her close.

“No, wait. We’re not leaving until you tell me what’s going on. I know when something’s bothering you.” Killian reminded her, and when she finally looked at him, the love and understanding she could see in his eyes made her want to sob. Why would he willingly stay when she could save him?

Her heart thudded in her chest as she answered. “It’s Liam…I’ve had a bad feeling ever since we met,” she admitted, and it physically hurt to watch that sweetness fade from his eyes as he looked away, shaking his head in disbelief. She forced herself to continue, knowing that he always valued her perspective. He may hate her for it, but she couldn’t turn back now.

“At first, i thought it was just because he didn’t like me, but I think he’s hiding something.”

Killian gulped as he stepped back, narrowing his eyes and lengthening the space between them. She already felt colder, as if an intangible connection that linked them was slowly falling apart.

“That’s preposterous! My brother wouldn’t lie.”

It was Emma’s turn to gulp. “Maybe there’s stuff about him you didn’t know. Maybe he does know what his unfinished business is down here,” she reasoned uncomfortably, hating herself for making him feel worse than he already did. The man was dead after all, and had only recently been released from Hades’ own private insane torture chamber.

“No, you’re wrong about him,” he replied, eyes softening in a plea to make her see reason. “I know who my brother is.”

Emma could practically hear his voice in her head, begging her to trust him like he had in Camelot. She felt devastated, but clearly Killian’s long held reverence for his older brother was clouding his vision. She was about to open her mouth and point that out, but he turned away from her, heading out of the library.

It was the start of him leaving her, she could feel it.

“I’m going to go help my brother find those pages.”

Tag List: @kmomof4 @cs-rylie @ishoulddefbedoingotherthings @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jonesfandomfanatic @pirateswhore @teamhook @jrob64 @ultraluckycatnd @everything-person

[killian-whump]

what kind of tv show (or steaming series/movie)Colin character coven would they be apart of?

Well, I would think for almost all of them the best fit would be... umm... the one they came from?

But just to test this theory, we here at Killian-Whump Enterprises decided to employ a guinea pig brave soul to try it out.

Peter Sheerin: Oi, I'm Peter. I'm here to try it out. KWEnterprises: Thanks, Peter. We really appreciate your sacrifice. Peter: Ah, nobody said anything about a sacrifice. You said this was safe, yeah? And you said you'd pay me cover charges for a month. KWE: Yes. Yes, of course. Now, if you could be in any TV show ever, aside from your own of course, what would it be? Peter: One with some top tail, yeah, and a kickin' night scene. KWE: How about Game of Thrones? Peter: That's nothing like what I said, actually. KWE: Great! So it's settled.

And just like that, we sent young Peter off to explore Westeros. And he bravely went, despite his repeated insistence that this wasn't what he wanted at all, and only largely because we forced him to go.

Now let's check in on the brave lad...

Peter: I don't think I like it here. All my shit's in the other place, right, and nobody knows me here. Not to mention, there's no nightclubs, no proper sauce or smokes, and get this - my mickey's not even hairy here. KWE: Your WHAT? How is that even possible? Peter: Well, me mickey might still be hairy, but they won't let me say so. Say it's gotta be all clean and proper for the ladies or summat. Gotta shave all me bits and pieces before they'll put it on the screen. KWE: Oh. Well- Peter: Before they'll put it on the screen, did you hear me?! KWE: Yes, we heard you. Peter: They're puttin' willies on the screen left and right out here. You just turn around and BAM! somebody's willie's in your fuckin' face. It's not right cop, I tell you. And this one bloke... THIS ONE BLOKE... He says he ain't got one no more. KWE: Oh, yes. Well, that did happen... Peter: Where's it gone to if he ain't got it no more? KWE: They sent it to his family as a message. Peter: Did they now! They just steal a mate's mickey and send it off home like a fuckin' postcard? KWE: Something like that... Peter: Well, this place is no good. They don't even know what a nightclub is, and they got these flying lighters, yeah, but not even any piss-poor scrub to light with 'em, so what's the bleedin' point? Bring me home, would ya? Yeah?

And so we brought Peter home, and he fucked off to the pub and got himself roaring drunk and went home to sleep it off.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "Well, Peter seems pretty happy where he is, so maybe someone else should try?" But, well, they ALL seemed pretty happy where they are - or, at least, had to begrudgingly admit that things would definitely be no better off for them were they somewhere else.

I suppose there's a moral to be had there. Something about appreciating your lot in life and seeing how it could be so much worse without your family, your friends, your hometown and the luxuries and familiarities of home...

Peter: And your fuckin' mickey!!

We have to admit, Peter's experience does seem to have made the others very leery about trying any such experiments any time soon. Even Mark had to admit that he'd rather have his penis than a face.

Perhaps this would've gone differently if we'd sent him somewhere a little more... sedate. Like, say, perhaps Will & Grace.

Peter: Whassat? KWE: A sitcom, where a gay man lives with a feisty redhead- Peter: A what now? KWE: A feisty redhead. Peter: No, before that. KWE: A gay man? Peter: They let him do that there? KWE: Do what? Peter: Be gay? Like, they just say it right out like that? He doesn't have to rely on other blokes implying it and vague innuendoes? KWE: Yeah. He's just... gay. They both are. Peter: THERE'S MORE THAN ONE THERE?!

Oh dear. Well, we'll leave this post here now, as we send Peter off on an all-expense-paid trip through Gay TVLand. We reckon he's earned it, and good lord, he clearly needs it.

But rest assured, he'll come home after all is said and done. Because home is, after all, where the heart is.

Peter: But it ain't where the hard ons is!

Well, he'll eventually come home. We're sure.

Peter: Gay pirates, here I come!!!

...he's gotta get tired eventually.

[awritingcaitlin]

Find the Word Tag

I was tagged by @tananaphone for the words: throat, midnight, press, blink, reach

I love doing these so much, here's some snippets from Siege of Berthingtonn!

.

Throat

“Let’s go dance,” Rinnie said, with as much conviction as she could muster.

They continued towards the loudest source of the music and eventually broke through the crowds to a band playing some more traditional Berthan tunes. Berthan music had odd beats and the guitars always liked to add extra flair, but those were like a challenge to Rinnie. She took small steps back and forth, getting a feel for them. Once she had it, she grabbed her mom’s hand and dragged her into the dancing.

Ilani was not disturbed by this. Rinnie had gotten her grace from somewhere after all. The two elves stuck to the edges of the dancing, so as not to get too far away from their guards standing on the sidelines. Rinnie and Ilani spun each other around and for the first time in days, Rinnie laughed for real. It started in her core and bubbled up to her throat. Ilani laughed too and the two of them danced for as long as there was music.

.

Midnight

“That is not fast enough.”

Thea’s blood chilled. The Queen Matron.

She turned as the woman walked farther into the tent. Queen Matron Thalna stood tall, as any person with sitah blood would. She had strawberry blonde curls that fell down her back, and brilliant gold eyes. Nidtrix’s valgard and ruler of Eswaisil.

“We need him by midnight,” Thalna continued.

“What?” Thea asked, flatly. That had not been written in the orders. She was so flabbergasted she couldn’t even be concerned that she’d technically just backtalked the Queen Matron.

“There is an eclipse,” Thalna said, by means of explanation. “The height of which is at one-fifty-four tomorrow morning.”

Thea’s stomach dropped. That fact had slipped her mind. The smaller moon would move in front of the bigger one. The alignment would allow for an increase of magics all around. And or a few vital seconds, the increase would be exponential.

That exponential increase would allow a Cleaving to not only take the power away from one god, but also grant it to another.

.

Reach 

Rendon started a panicked run back into the shield compound. Killian’s reach was greater than he was fast, however. Killian grabbed him by the back of the collar and yanked him back.

Rendon’s mage’s hands started circling in some gesture. Skythorn and Falk had the same idea at the same time and with slightly different techniques, telekinetically shoved the man. The combined force from the two of them sent him halfway into a stone wall with a sickening crunch. As his body crumpled down, his skull trailed a red slick of blood.

Rendon’s other guard threw his hands up. “Hey, I never really liked this cult anyway!”

“Traitor!” Rendon spat. Or, attempted to, anyway, considering his collar was particularly tight around his neck. He continued flailing. Killian’s response was to pull him off the ground by his collar.

“You know, I get it, some people don’t like to talk to me. So instead, you’re going to have a little chat with our Evianne Priestess.” Forcibly, Killian turned Rendon to Rinnie.

Rinnie looked Rendon in the eye and a shudder went up Adler’s back.

.

Press

Bernhard smirked. “You know so little,” he chuckled. “Either they’re not telling you everything, or you’re not as far up in the echelons as I’d originally thought. I felt you take a pass at my power earlier, not bad for a whelp like you. But alas, I’ve forgotten more about divine magic than you’ve ever learned.”

Killian tossed the spar in the air again and thwacked it harmlessly against the palm of his hand. “More working, less insulting my friend.”

Bernhard pursed his lips, keeping his eyes focused on Rinnie. “I could continue to talk religion, but you’re resistant to the enlightenment, so why bother?”

Rinnie frowned, wanting to press for more information on Evianne. But she couldn’t be sure if he was lying to piss her off. And they needed the shield to come down.

.

Blink

“Care to explain your fascination with airships?” Killian asked, coming up behind her.

“Oh!” Rinnie jumped in surprise. She pushed hair out of her face. Killian chuckled.

“There’s no point trying to hide it,” Killian continued. “I can see you ogling.”

Rinnie sighed. “My grandfather was an airship mechanic,” she explained. “All he ever talked about was ships, races, and shows.” She smiled fondly. “He dragged me to every event he could get us into. I thought it was amazing. Unfortunately, he died before I turned twenty. Afterwards, my dad started going with me instead. It was cathartic for us at first, then habit. I know all of the best seats on the Edansa circuit, and I have a poster of Neil Traister signed by the man himself.”

Killian blinked. “You’re shitting me. He doesn’t fly anymore.”

Rinnie arched an eyebrow. “You know how old I am.”

Killian frowned. “Actually, we never finished that bet.”

Rinnie smirked. “Well, you know how not-young I am.”

Killian did some quick math. “So, you’re not kidding.”

.

Tagging @mjjune, @tananaphone, @golden-heretic, @pinespittinink, and @sentfromwolves with the words: Ioud, blood, run, smirk, surprise

[storybounded]

( And heres one for deuce if that's more ur vibe rn! )

Killian's eyes narrow as he looks over the statue, before back at Deuce. "Yeah, that was...interesting."

He takes a few steps away, hands coming up. "But, it's not exactly...wonderish? So, maybe it's something more like alchemy? Things tend to fall into one of the two." He grins slightly, "I just got a great idea, have I told you about the Rooster? Because that thing packs a punch, and if you can turn it to stone? Firstly, I'll be grounded, but secondly, that'd be really cool, fun, and important data for us to gather, I assume."

     “Fair enough.” Deuce chuckled, relieved that he wasn’t seen as any type of freak or threat. Especially when humans aren’t quite used to seeing monsters within their society. But it seems as if Killian isn’t new to magic to relay such a reaction. In fact, Deuce was met with a curious question. One that he hadn’t heard any other monster ask before. So, all he could do was offer a shrug once his glasses were pressed back upon his features.

      “Beats me. I’m no alchemist. All I know is that my mom pissed off a goddess and ta-da” He gestured to himself with a crooked grin. “She waved her godly fingers and Gorgons came to be.”

     But the next question enticed him. Himself and Heath always tried a bunch of shit that they probably shouldn’t do in the name of ‘science’ for the fun of it.

     “Well, don’t stop now. You’ve got my attention. Sooo, I think you have no other choice but to tell me what this Rooster is. Totally for science.”

[regulushair]

Brands I'm already familiar with today, but oddly a few revelations:

Jardin d’Essai by Maïssa Parfums - this one has tuberose written literally on the bottle, so you knew I couldn't pass it up. I was however, disappointed because I didn't feel any white flowers there at all... It's not bad - I just mostly feel fruits (hi, peach) and some freshness. Disappointed.

Purple Fig by Vilhelm Parfumerie - same as the first but fig instead of tuberose and here it's very much there - very fresh and juicy and coupled with a lot of different greenery. Lovely, not too special, but lovely.

The Oud Affair by Vilhelm Parfumerie - this one is a little odd, but not unpleasant. At the top is very very sharp probably thanks to ginger - like something you breathe in and it instantly clears your nose and then it just balances somewhere between pure tobacco (an okay one, but definitely not the best) and a variation on tobacco-vanilla. I'll probably try it again at some point.

Chicago High by Vilhelm Parfumerie - disclaimer: this is only my opinion and how I specifically feel this perfume. So... I've heard that honey in perfume can get indolic or animalistic and that might be the case here. Probably a lot of sourness at the top doesn't help either, but for me it smelled downright pissy. Then it settles down into tobacco, but not tobacco leaf, cigars or even really smoke - it smells like a shirt you've been smoking in for two hours straight and the smell clang to the fabric. It's unpleasant... From the title and the pyramid they were trying to go for a fancy speakeasy but it came out as someone pissing in an ashtray.

Ambre Eau de Parfum by Molinard - this one is interesting. For starters, it doesn't have actual amber - it has benzoin and incense. But if we try to think about amber it's definitely not sweet "might as well include vanilla" amber (even though there's vanilla in the pyramid) but a very much "salty sea-like" amber and for me it remained pretty much the same the whole time. Will return to this.

Osmanthus Eau de Parfum by Molinard - and here comes the actual revelation. I don't like osmanthus! Putting aside the fact that I read "osmanthus" and thought of labdanum and was expecting something like "Marquis de Sade" by ELDO and obviously got nothing like it. I felt the damn note that haunted me in "Good Girl Gone Bad" by Killian and a variation on it by Attar Collection and which I called "sweetened citruses" - it's actually soured apricots! Not spoiled, but on the other hand when you have a slightly overripe apricot or syrupy apricot jam and you're trying to negate the sweetness with lemon juice or something like that. And what does fragrantica say about osmanthus? "An apricot-smelling flower". I finally cracked the code! Yeah, this definitely smells like osmanthus and it's not for me.

[fxckin-blackbeard]

ᒥ🌟ᒧ—        Edward fell back, staring at the other with wide eyes. Though still concerned, he felt frustration begin to boil inside him. He'd never been the comforting type, and his only attempt thus far had been his best go at it. What could he do? He didn't know, and it pissed him off. Perhaps he could be more stern, but that felt wrong, he'd already done enough damage with his earlier carelessness. If the roles were swapped, the last thing he would want is to yelled at or manhandled. However, he also knew he wouldn't shy from the comfort, not Killian's.

"Killian," He speaks loud, not shouting nor is his tone sharp, to the other hoping that the other would hear. "I'll...I'll be here when you're ready, awright?" And so, he'd resign himself to just sitting there, feeling helpless as he watched the other. He'd wait it out, hopefully the fit would conclude before the other caused himself to pass out or be sick. Edward was truly at a loss, this was uncharted waters for him. Every second was breaking his heart, watching the man he loved in so much pain, distressed, and he felt nothing but useless to help him.

"I'm sorry, Killian. I'm a right dick, I know. It's not an excuse, but I...I forgot what had happened to you. Would have never said those things, hell even gone out in that storm if I was thinkin' right." Edward does what he knows best, babbles on to fill the quiet. His words may not be heard, and he would probably have to repeat all he said, but right now it was all he felt he could do. "I owe you big for this, love. I'll do anythin' ta make it up to you...I...I don't want to lose you, if ya hated me after this, I wouldn't blame you...But it would break my heart. Never, ever would I say somethin' so terrible intentionally." Really, he's just thinking out loud at this point, every thought he had coming right out his mouth. Maybe if he didn't shut up, the other would return to reality and hear him. "'M so, so sorry, Killian. I don't think I've ever felt like a bigger asshole in my life than I do in this moment."

ᒥ🌟ᒧ—        As he reaches the bottom, Edward feels like he's been shot at the sight of his partner. He had felt guilt plenty in his life, but not like this, it was so visceral and agonizing. The older man wastes no time walking over to his partner, kneeling down beside him. "K-Killian," He has to fight to choke back his own tears. Seeing the man he loved in so much pain, and by his own doing, threatened to break him. But Edward wouldn't allow himself to break, not when Killian was the one in need of comfort.

"My love, breathe," He coos, his hand settling over Killian's. An apology burned on the tip of his tongue, but he'd hold off on it until he got the other man to stop panicking. "Killian, you need to breathe, awright? Deep breaths. Look at me," He reaches his other hand towards the other's hidden features, trying to coax him to lift his head by placing a warm hand on his cheek. "Look at me, Killian. Deep breaths, like me. Watch me."

[killianpenn-blog]

“you have got to be fucking kidding me,” killian mumbled incomprehensibly to himself upon leaving doug’s office. the two had just had an extensive discussion about recent events and frankly, killian was pissed off. it had barely been a day, and his phone was already blowing up with angry messages from the higher-ups. even if the cast and crew had just meant to have a fun, lighthearted party, they were reckless, and killian didn’t regret the drastic measures he had taken. they had inadvertently given the media negative things to post about, giving greekcraft and everyone involved a bad rap, which wouldn’t be good for ratings, by any means. he stormed out of building 70, fruitlessly trying to keep calm.

[the-chosen-none]

Dang, Killian’s facial expression for whenever he’s pissed is actually kind of intimidating (it’s the shadows in his eyes), along with the way his voice shifts to where he never blows up at you, keeping a guise of politeness, but you can tell he’s just barely holding back unleashing pure rage, like if you repeatedly insult Junktown or tell him you’re gonna kill him.

If the devs had gone with the original plan to make Killian an authoritarian who would ruin Junktown if you helped him, it would have made for an effective twist to see this seemingly chill dude who appears to be heroic compared to the cartoonishly evil Gizmo turn out to be a bad person in his own right, and all the while Killian would never lose his calm and collected demeanor but your view of him would change as you realize who he really is...

I said this before a while back but I do kinda wish the devs would’ve rewritten things and gone this route, though I know a decent amount of people here really like him as a handsome nice guy so I’m probably in the minority here.