#here’s some spoilers for the groups minus one that i literally mentioned

[blue-jisungs]

guys we’re soooo back there’s 5 drafts almost ready to be published (only formatting and linking bc new nct ml soon)(spoiler) !!!! and maybe in this pace i’ll get to clear out my reqs and write some of my old ideas mwahahahaha

stay tuned 🫵

[bones4thecats]

LMK Characters When Their Kid Is Born

Characters: Ao Lie, Azure Lion, Nine-Headed Demon (Xiangliu), and Sun Wukong Inspired By: My love for these characters A/N: I loved writing this so much. Took some time, but I loved it so much. I literally fell asleep writing this like three times, so I've been taking longer to actually get it done, I apologize for that! But still, enjoy! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Mentions of being delivering a baby, maybe hints of generational issues(??), slight angst, fluff, and the character's friends being just too much😂 ⚠️

Disclaimer: The Reader is female in this (cause y'know... pregnancy)

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╚═════ Ao Lie ════════════════════════════════╝

🐲 You were there when the Samadhi Fire was sealed away. And you would be lying if you said you weren't terrified for the life of your husband, Ao Lie, when he blocked an oncoming blast with his draconian form

🐲 Ao Lie still acted the same, but he did seem to have a slightly different aura. It wasn't a huge change, but it wasn't very small either. Despite the changes, you were so happy he was okay, so much so that you cried in front of the other Pilgrims, Ne Zha, Demon Bull King, and his infant son

🐲 It was years later that you two decided to finally start a family, and that happened with the blessing of your twins, one named Tang after your friend, Tang Sanzang, much to his joy. And slightly later your daughter you had named by the Pilgrims group's decision. They all, after a couple hours of debating, decided you name her Xuelian, after the same lotus that you had put on her hat after birth

🐲 You looked down at your second-born with a gentle smile before drifting off to sleep, leaving Ao Lie wide-awake and lightly tickling his son's stomach, causing the tiny being to giggle at his actions

"Who's a cute little baby dragon? Who's a cute baby Tangy?" He cooed at the newborn.

🐲 It was after Ao Lie began to check the surrounding area for any off-putting aura, as he was protective over his children and now unconscious wife, to a degree that nobody else saw but you three

🐲 Ao Lie's eyes burst open as he looked down at his son in his arms. He felt something wrong with his aura... like there was something blazing inside of him that shouldn't be. Because there was

🐲 Your husband shivered before he started to cry. The fourth ring of the Samadhi Fire was now not inside of him, but now inside his oldest child. In his baby boy...

"No... no..."

🐲 As the young boy laughed and the sound of you and your daughter's snoozing breaths echoed in the room, Ao Lie sat there, his face above Tang's as he cried. Why did this have to happen... why couldn't he suffer with the ring inside of him. Why was this world to twisted...

🐲 How was he going to explain this to you...?

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Azure Lion ═════════════════════════════╝

💠 You and Azure smiled at one another as he held his son. He looked almost exactly like his father, minus the fact that his father had extremely long hair while his was like tiny stalks of vegetables

💠 Azure was excited to become a father ever since you had told him, and he was even more stoked when you guys found out you were having a son. It was only a few hours afterwards that Azure and you finally picked his name; Wangshu, after the hope that you both held during your battles together

💠 Yellow Tusk, Peng, Sun Wukong, Demon Bull King, and Macaque were all sitting outside of your room. They had been ever since you went into labor, but, as your two midwives' orders when the painful-yet-happily-ending process started

💠 The midwives, Yinghua and Yulan, looked at you two and smiled. Yulan asked if you wanted to see the rest of the Sworn Brothers or if you guys wanted more time alone with your baby

💠 Azure looked up at you and said it was your call. He knew he wasn't the only one who could make these decisions, so he left some up to you. Here, he could care less, he just wanted his son in his arms and his wife next to him

"Go ahead and bring those stinkers in..." you said lowly.

💠 Your husband played with Wangshu's tiny hands when the two women left the room to tell the others they could come in and see you. Thankfully, your doorways were all modified so that the rest of the boys didn't destroy them when walking into a room due to heights and wingspan's

💠 Funnily enough, it was Macaque and Demon Bull King who ran into the room first, with Yellow Tusk and Wukong next and Peng being the last, and calmest one out of the group

💠 Wukong smiled happily as Azure held his son out for the others to look at, and he just laughed when the others began to make their comments on the matter

"He looks just like you, Azure!" -> Yellow Tusk

"Yeah, if I had a say in it, I would've guessed he was purely yours." -> Peng

"Why is he so small... is this what babies are all like?" -> Wukong

"Yes, Wukong. That's what all babies are like at first." -> Demon Bull King

"Yeah, they don't come out all grown up. Do you know how much that would hurt a woman when pushing the thing out? It's like a bean versus a watermelon." -> Macaque

💠 As they continued their conversations, you reached over and grabbed Azure's arm, causing him to look at you. He knew what you wanted, you wanted to hold your son again. And he obliged that request

💠 Azure handed your son to you and kissed your forehead before saying;

"You did amazing, my love. Thank you for giving me the best gift I could ever ask for."

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╚═════ Xiangliu ═══════════════════════════════╝

🐍 Xiangliu and you always shared the same wish in life; the wish to be back where you belong and not stuck in the Underworld surrounded by the idiots who called themselves a 'court'

🐍 You both played your parts in your plan perfectly. But it all went awry when you found out you were pregnant, and let me just say this for you; it was a hard one due to your differentiating parts that the baby got from your lover

🐍 He was nervous when you went into labor. Oh who am I kidding, he was beyond scared. He may portray himself as heartless, but this guy does have a heart deep down in his scaly chest

🐍 Xiangliu looked around as he played with his hands and snake-headed hair. The snake acted the same as him, scared, but as they had no actual form out of his, they shivered whilst he heard the screams coming from you

🐍 Yes, he knew it was pathetic to be waiting outside of the delivery room in this scenario, since it was your first child, but he just couldn't stand seeing you in pain. So, while he sat there, he waited to be called in my either the Underworld's doctor or one of their nurses

"Tenth King, sir. Your wife's delivery-"

"How are they?!"

"-was fine. There were hardly any complications, just a hint more bleeding than normal, but nothing we couldn't fix easily. If you want, we are about to get your daughter back in here, the nurse is just cleaning and wrapping her up."

"Y-yes. Thank you."

"It is of no problem."

🐍 As he practically ran inside the room, he saw you sitting there asleep. No doubt you were extremely wore out from the ordeal, which was understandable. If he went through that pain, he'd probably pass out too

🐍 You rested while the Nine-Headed Demon sat in a nearby chair, which he pushed up next to your bed, and laid his head down on your upper thigh, rubbing in it a comforting motion while he waited on your daughter to be brought to you both

🐍 The nurse walked in just a couple minutes after you awoke, much to Xiangliu's joy. The woman handed you the baby and the snake-haired demon smiled gently as you laid there holding her

🐍 It was only when the nurse left the room and he knew that nobody else could see you guys that he pulled down his hood, revealing the handsome man that he was in your eyes. You smiled gently as he kneeled slightly and allowed his own serpents to coo around the tinier ones that made up your child's hair

🐍 Hopefully, your wish would come true soon so you could get your daughter the experience you wished that you had all of your life. So that not only she and you could be free, but so that Xiangliu could be free too. Free to teach your daughter everything she wanted to know without any limits

"What should we name her?" You asked, lightly rubbing your fingers around her blanket.

"Hm. How about Yong? It means eternal."

"Our eternal ball of chaos... I love it."

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Xiangliu."

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╚═════ Sun Wukong ════════════════════════════╝

☀️ He was pleased when you announced your pregnancy. Wukong really wanted his own family growing up, and while the monkeys on Flower Fruit Mountain did suffice for a bit, he just wanted a real family

☀️ And as the nine months passed, he studied as much as he could and tried listening to the others (Li Jing) as best as he could to gain some knowledge on fathering

☀️ When your baby began their journey of bringing you pain, Wukong had gotten a surprise door-knock-down from Ne Zha, whom was panting and just grabbed his arm before pulling him up to your home on the mountain. It was a mere half-hour or so later when the Monkie Kids arrived

☀️ As you screamed in pain, Wukong held your hand, falling to his knees at the grip you held on him. He knew you were strong, but sweet Heavens!

☀️ Wukong fell to the ground when you finally let him go as when he heard the baby's cries, he snapped up and looked at his child with widened eyes and a couple tears forming in said eyes

☀️ You smiled at him and leaned your forehead against his, and while your baby was getting cleaned up by the nurses, Wukong stayed with you in the same position, occasionally moving to kiss your head in comfort

"You did good, baby."

☀️ Staying there until the nurse came back in with your baby, she told you the gender, that being a little boy, and asked you what you guys wanted to name the little Monkey Prince

☀️ Looking up at your husband with a quizzical face, you asked him what he wanted to name him

"How about... hmm... Chan-Juan? It means moon... I think."

"No, that doesn't sound right..."

"Uhm, Huojin? Means fire and metal."

"No! Damn why is it so hard to name a kid?"

"Y/N!"

"MK? How did you get here?"

☀️ Monkie Kid smiled and lightly scratched the back of his neck nervously before walking up to you and awing at your son that laid in your arms sleeping. Like father like son...

"Tang used his staff to get us here. Apparently he can do that, weird right? Anyways, what's this little guy's name?"

"Not sure... Wukong's recommendations just don't sound right."

"Hey, I tried."

"Yes, honey, you did. Remember that Bull King's first name choice for Red Son was Prince Burnson."

"Hey!"

"What about Hong? It means rainbow! It sounds cute 'cause, y'know... Sun Wukong and Y/N, the Goddess of Rainbows and Color?"

"Hong Wukong... I like it."

"Heh, nice job, kid!"

"Thanks!"

[kiame-sama]

Warnings; bg3, full party (because I want them all there to talk), Druid Tav*, Slight druid path spoilers I guess?, Owlbear, Protector type Tav, yandere companions (ALL of them), basic identity spoilers for first act followers, slight early story spoilers, they/them reader, yandere Raphael makes an appearance too.

* Tav is the name that always appears in the character generator first, so technically Tav is the unofficial term for the player character- or Reader in this scenario.

~~~~~~~~

The large owlbear lumbered slowly amongst the fallen undead, using the sharp beak to pick around the bodies for anything useful. Of course, not everything picked up by the defacto leader of the group was typically deemed useful. Such was the way of the unusual soul the group found themselves following the every whim of.

Countless battles had been won with their leadership and each companion had true respect for their leader, even if respect for the other companions was variable. To take them from desperate and hopeless about their plight to truly believing they could succeed their impossible mission. Each odd soul brought in to the fold by the odd druid may not believe, but they believed in how much their leader believed. For them, this was enough.

This meant that when their trusted leader wandered around as a creature that could feasibly carry three of them, they just followed along and grabbed what they wanted if their leader didn't pick it up first. They trusted their leader to distribute loot and treasure adequately based off of who could best use what was collected. Still, that didn't make the experience any less surreal, even for those who were familiar with druids that favored their bestial forms.

"Astarion, do you ever feel like we, as a group, just adapt to everything around us a little too well?"

Gale, the wizard of the group walked next to the rogue vampire spawn, his arms crossed in a contemplative way. Never before would he have imagined himself having light banter with such a being without bloodshed, but here he was regardless.

"Do tell me you are joking, right?"

"No, should I be?"

"God's, Gale, we're all stuck here as a group with only one thing in common- the fact that we're facing impossible odds to simply survive- and we can barely keep ourselves from killing each other. On top of that, just what do you think we're doing right now? Hm?"

"... Collecting the spoils of our battle?"

There was a distinct moment of silence as the beautiful vampire spawn stared at the wizard with a look of disbelief and disgust. The apparent pause catching the attention of the rest of the party- minus the owlbear lumbering ahead of the group- as they all decided to listen in. It was good fun to hear the others squabble and it gave a sense of comradery despite the situation they were in, misery loving company in most ways, though things weren't seeming too miserable now.

"We are in a temple that is inside of a crypt- some depth underground- picking amongst the remains of reanimated corpses that have all been stomped to death by our Owlbear leader. Not to mention this leader who just so happens to be the most balanced person among us and somehow isn't corrupt as all hells while doing it."

Some of the others nodded along in their own ways, knowing Astarion's assessment wasn't too far off from the crux of the situation they found themselves in. A few cast glances at the afore mentioned owlbear leader who seemed rather content rooting through what little remained from their earlier rampage.

"And they're hot as the hells while doing it."

Karlach, the literal flaming tiefling barbarian, commented, putting herself in the conversation with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, Karlach," Wyll playfully jabbed back, "You've literally got fire coming out of you!"

"You know I'm right though!"

"Well, I didn't say you were wrong."

Before the two could continue, Astarion cut them off, bringing the now group conversation back to Gale.

"Anyways, my point still stands. We are not the ones who make this all work. They make it work for us. We are stuck together- like it or not- and they call the shots. We can get used to anything because they can get used to anything. Don't pat yourself on the back too hard now, it might get you excited."

Gale slightly winced at that jab, given the fact that he was the most obvious about being smitten with the group leader, and yet his beloved was completely unaware of how hard he had fallen. How hard they all had fallen.

"Are you all fools," Shadowheart hissed in a low voice, "you know they can hear us, right?"

It was Lae'zel's turn to bark out a laugh, her lips curled in a sly grin as she regarded the Sharian cleric. It gave the Githyanki soldier a sense of satisfaction to know something about their leader the cleric didn't.

"They can't understand us in that owlbear form. Why else would these fools talk so plainly?"

Unknown to them, their leader could understand them, but simply didn't want to cause in-fighting or favoritism to arise. So they simply carried on as if unaware of the conversation, just trying to focus on finding what was salvageable.

Unknown to them all, a demon watched from the rafters. His arms were crossed and a grin played across his lips. He had to admit, that druid was certainly a fetching prize as they clearly enamored not only their mismatched companions but him as well. Time would leave him the last among them by the druid's side, he would ensure it. Besides, he had plenty of time to wait.

[derangedhyena-zoids]

Many thanks to my wonderful friends for helping me unfuck part of my fic. I am now feeling quite chipper about it again. I also want to dump a little quick backstory/lore info here re:Sara and her stupidity. I may have mentioned it on this blog before, but if so only glancingly... so. I'm putting it under a cut because it's ... ish? spoilers, but not really? because this is mainly meta-knowledge. and I don't think any of the characters will ever actually figure any of it out. OH WELL.

Backdraft as a group is/was older than it let on, but its form and function had seen a lot of radical changes in the ~half century prior NC0.

Backdraft used to have a very purist policy for their membership - it was a "I do what I want" club comprised largely of rich Imperial families and their kids. You didn't join this group you were invited - and you could only actually join if you could prove you were some stripe of Imperial descent. (I need you to picture that the kind of folks running this would be the kind of folks who would've been on Prozen's side, pre-crazy.) As time went on and politics became bland by way of a benign but totalitarian government, the populace lost both interest in and knowledge of their backgrounds. Imperial or Republic heritage didn't matter anymore, not to anyone but a select few. As proto-Backdraft's membership was aging out and dying off, it realized to survive as an organization it had to relax its requirements. The furor this caused led to the Committee structure being formed, so there wasn't (as intense) squabbling over leadership and the way things were being run. A lot of older folks in what soon became known as Backdraft caught and maintained good-old-days-itus, in which they began to resent the org being "polluted." But most everyone at this point had fixated on Backdraft's control and moneymaking capabilities - completely losing the original concept(s) in the process. Enter Sara and her years-long power grab. In the process of viciously making her way up the ladder, she learned about the org's history and had the bug put in her ear about the good-ol'-days. She wanted to return Backdraft to being Imperially-rooted for the following reasons: -she, herself, is categorized as from the Imperial line -she thinks herself superior to other folks and is, in fact, aware of her Zoidian genetics, minus the knowledge that they're Zoidian. -her understanding of history boils down to "when the Republicans touched shit everything got fucked up, wow." Which is a gross oversimplification and hilarious misunderstanding of Literally Everything, but this is the kind of shit that happens with history! Especially when immersed in roiling Agendas. Which tl;drs to, if she decides people need to die, she's going to target one group over another, very much. Sara this is eugenics please stop

In reality: -Raven is the reason Sara's bloodline is considered Imperial. Ryss never made it into the recorded equation. Considering that Raven himself probably wasn't of Imperial descent (his parents seemed kind of faction/location agnostic - which is a whole other population nuance rarely considered), Sara isn't really Imperial at all. -As a result of the Cataclysm, records went to SHIT. And a lot of information was basically re-compiled after entire cities & their associated recordkeeping had been destroyed. What could be recovered and rebuilt was, to a degree. But a lot of information came from people's recollections. Most records have a large degree of uncertainty in them. -Once science recovered a little, there were sufficient advances in technology to allow a degree of insight and provide better resolution for well known families/lineages. But most people didn't care by this point... and this kind of information was seen as little more than a rich person's vanity pursuit. (please see: the other post I did awhile back about modern technology's development being oddly stunted due to many societal factors, most of which are intentional) -The genetics of Ryss's bloodline are known but not associated with her or Zoidians. They're erroneously lumped in with all the other genetic fuckery going on with Imperial bloodlines... almost all of which was self-imposed by the royalty and nobility early on inbreeding too fucking much. -Sara's dumb quest to have Best Baby resulted in her having None Baby - she miscarried multiple times. Vega was her last try, more-or-less an accident, and absolutely not what she was after: on paper, Vega's father is Republican thru-and-thru. -...because anyone in from Hiltz's lineage are Republican. He sired kids in a Republican colony when he lived with the Scholar. Whoops, nobody knows. -But this ruins Sara's whole feeling-real-special thing, so she went full sunk-cost-fallacy and ignored it all. And though she does love Vega, you can't help but wonder if this colors her perception of him at all ... or she's just in complete denial of reality and substituting her own (yeah, it's this one.) The amount of characters who have any of this knowledge is very small and getting smaller by the minute. :I again, oh well.

[quortknee]

I am curious to know, what do you like the most of the WH40k universe and what do you like the least?

(note: i got too excited and rambled on for a while, sorry about the really long answer lol)

HI ANON, I’ve just recently gotten into warhammer proper— the black library more specifically. I’ve only read eisenhorn (excluding magos because I wanted to read ravenor beforehand), and the first three horus heresy books so far. I know about some other key story beats just because I am online™ and I cannot avoid the older, more well-known lore. I have never played the tabletop game nor any of the video games (yet). SO it’s a bit challenging to answer this properly.

that said,

off the bat if i could answer this OUT of universe, my favourite thing would be Dan Abnett just as a writer because that guy rules. my least favourite would be how games workshop is seemingly allergic to good business decisions regarding the reprinting of their older books and that they have done nothing to stop scalpers going hog wild lol. ALSO how mcneill writes women and "exposition" (aka tell and re-tell the reader important info so they KNOW it is important rather than treating the reader as a thinking being who can understand subtext and remember the most basic of things from previous chapters/povs/books)

jokes aside, here’s some answers to your question from my current perspective (this is so hard so im gonna share a couple rather than just one each, as i couldn’t pick. most of my gripes with 40k are out of universe minus one woman thing which ill mention below):

I very much enjoy the structure of the inquisition and how many moving parts and types of people an inquisitor employs while on the job. creates a really compelling and vibrant group dynamic within a noir-ish subgenre (i guess? i couldnt figure out how exactly to word that). although i am incredibly biased as the eisenhorn series has coloured my view on the inquisition quite ardently on its own so who knows!!

speaking of Eisenhorn and his crew; glossia is a really cool secret code concept and i personally love it, but that could also just be the romantic in me enjoying the beautiful idea of using personal relationships and poetry off hand with no written cipher to encode your speech

I love how chaos and faith are written as Things; how all of humanity is a hair’s width away from being corrupted, as it is simply the human condition to surrender to faith and “our” base values when threatened or otherwise. It’s really beautiful and tragic

speaking of tragedy; the creation and existence of each of the primarchs and their legions of astartes is just absolutely brilliant. The Emperor creating astartes after the thunder warriors (i think?) to give his soldiers more humanity overall and THAT being the thing that is his downfall (or ascension depending on how you look at it ig) is so beautifully tragic.

Fav characters so far have been literally every main/supporting character in Eisenhorn as well as Loken and Tarvitz from HH. I also think Magnus is really interesting as a primarch so far. Poor guy though lol. I am aware of his uh... big oopsie

Hereticus is still my favourite book I’ve read so far within the black library. (SPOILER: Fischig staying true to himself and his faith and doing all he can to save his friend but not knowing he just contributed to the very thing he hates most (chaos) through Osma, resulting in Medea having to kill him after hailing him to their location to give him a chance to apologize and rejoin the band (against Eisenhorn’s will). And THEN as a last stand while Aemos dies, he and Eisenhorn work together to turn Fischig’s freshly murdered corpse into a perfect daemonhost to imprison Cherubael as a weapon/tool for Eisenhorn to use in the coming battle… END SPOILER) I am still not over it and I don’t think I ever will be. That book is fucking nuts. Abnett did not have to go that hard but I am grateful for it regardless

i hate the remembrancer Petronella Vivar with a burning passion, she is the worst written character in the series period (so far?)

characters I would beat over the head with a steel pipe: Osma, Heldane, Erebus, Eidolon, Lucius, and Petronella. The other characters in this list I can still appreciate as villains. Petronella though... I could probably list some others too but those are the ones who came to mind right away

Other than Petronella idk what I would say regarding what I like the least as of now. I love the other remembrancers (minus the way Karsky was written in false gods, but again this is a McNeill issue), so its literally just her I can't stand. I blame McNeill for this though, with his glaring inability to write a compelling woman whatsoever

also orks are silly i like them

i hope this is satisfactory to you, anon!! please excuse any errors, i answered this first thing in the morning and got way too excited about it lmao. ty for the ask : D

[pleuvoire]

anyway since i finished faiz last night here are my thoughts on the infamous ending arc (under cut for spoilers) (and for walls of text jesus how did this get so long)

so faiz definitely falls apart in the last 10 eps. no doubt about that. compared to the absolute kino that was the 30s... man, it’s like night and day. and this comes down to what i keep saying, which is that faiz is at its best when it focuses on the core seven characters, and at its worst when it focuses on... literally anything else. and what did we get in the 40s? yuka dies, kiba fucks off to do whatever, and takumi is reduced to a background character in his own show for much of the 40s, to say nothing of keitarou and mari. the entire thing is about mari’s stupid adoptive dad and the orphenoch king and the ryuusei school and all this stuff that i DO NOT CARE ABOUT. give me the core trios!!! give me the core character stuff!!! give me takumi and kiba entrusting their lives to each other instead of kiba treating takumi like a stranger!!!

because hoooo boy was kiba’s whole deal poorly executed. on paper it’s compelling - the kind person who believed in humanity finally experiences too much cruelty to handle, loses faith in humanity, and defects to the side of humanity’s enemy. but for the change in his personality and worldview to be so sudden, so complete, and so permanent, it was just bad. it was just bad! on top of that, yuka’s death meant the show was minus one of my favorite characters, and kiba basically becoming a different person meant it was for all intents and purposes minus another of my favorite characters, and between that and takumi doing jack shit for like 5 whole episodes i really did not care what was happening. also - he ORDERED TAKUMI TO BE EXPERIMENTED ON??? FUCK OFF!!! HE WOULD NOT DO THAT!!!! YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE HIM A WHOLE DIFFERENT GUY!!!!

side note: kusaka’s death. was really looking forward to that and in the end it was just kind of meh because i had no idea what was happening at that point in the show at all. like, random incoherent stuff happened before my eyes, and he got his neck snapped on the beach as a result. yay? i will give inoue this which is that i’d heard that the narrative really wants you to feel bad he died but i didn’t get that vibe so much, it kind of just felt like everyone going “wtf kiba straight-up snapped that guy’s neck that’s so fucked up” and also mari being sad which makes sense because she was attached to him. the thing is that again the show was simply not coherent enough at this point for me to feel like it was taking a real stance about kusaka dying. takumi getting Really Pissed at kiba about it was so lame though like omg who caressssss

that said, i think the show managed to regain a bit of its footing in the last two episodes. i liked the trolley problem it set up - kill this kid to save humanity, or kill humanity to save the orphenochs. it was still kind of dumb and not as compelling as ryuki’s trolley problems but it was something. i really liked the thematic thread, woven through all the bullshit, of orphenochs as this group of people who were never meant to exist, and are either fighting a fruitless struggle against their inevitable disappearance or simply accepting it. it contributed to the feeling of quiet hopelessness and depression that faiz is good at. the impending specter of takumi dying soon was really good and also contributed to that feeling. when he said to kiba he was scared of dying but wanted to live his life to the fullest i was like ououougghh. so yeah some good stuff in there.

still though, that ending...? i’d heard that the last episode was infamously rushed, but while i was watching it i was like huh this is no worse than faiz has been for the last 10 eps and also has some compelling stuff (mentioned above). and then with 5 minutes left it cut straight from the climatic blow of the final battle to several days later and i was like OH LMAO. INOUE YOU REALLY BEEFED THE PACING ON THAT HUH. real “oh shit this essay is due at midnight and it’s 11:55” energy. so that just ruined a whole bunch of stuff right there. like kiba’s death - i knew he’d die from takumi’s rider kick, but i didn’t realize he was sacrificing himself to keep the enemy in place for takumi to kick him, a real interesting and potentially compelling last-minute redemption, except then we immediately cut away from it and it’s never mentioned again in the Five Fucking Minutes of the show left to us. so like great job on that huh.

and the question of, is takumi still dying or not? what happened to that? the shot of him looking at his hand with blurred vision seems to suggest that, but it’s such a weak thrown-in-there reference in the middle of what looks like a “happy ever after” type of scene i’m like man what??? i knew it was ambiguous if he dies or not, but i was expecting, like, you see him close his eyes onscreen and the question is whether he died or just passed out. something that would give a real sense of finality and grimness to it. so to have it be that vague and open-ended and contradictory was a letdown :/

anyway. yeah! faiz ending! it wasn’t as bad as i was bracing myself for. that’s my review, i guess? i mean i just finished kiva a month ago and that was TERRIBLE so this is like, fine ok, in comparison. there’s my review: Not As Bad As Kiva. high praise! it’s still pretty bad though. i agree with the people who maintain that it really needed just one more episode and a lot of problems with the last ep would have been fine, but that still wouldn’t have fixed the problems of the entire show gradually losing coherency, along with half the stuff that made it compelling, in the last 10 eps. like if you gave it another episode it would probably have done a much better job of tying all the themes together and would probably have made me cry, but even that would be a major downgrade from the lovely thematic clarity and relative plot consistency of the first 10 episodes. but that’s inoue endings for you. at least it’s not kiva

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4 Episode 3: Gang of Secret

(Spoilers below)

-So they just beat a villain, and Ladybug is acting SUS. Like she doesn't Want to leave yet. Hmm

-Chat noir YOU SLICK MOFO. (I dare not ruin it, because I am laughing at it)

-She is still not over her break up. So I guess Lukanette stans, get whatever remains of your juice while its there.

-Ladybug ... sweetie. Do you need a hug? Cause you look like you need a hug.

-Chat noir realizing his idea was NOT very smart after that.

-Ladybug ruining experiences for a LOT of couples today

-Chat noir trying to help, but Ladybug aint telling him

-They are going swimming now. Chat noir for once, is not thrilled about hanging out with Ladybug... thats a YIKES.

-She has goggles and a towel, so she did go swimming.

-The Kwami see her in pain, QUICK, TEAR DOWN THE PHOTOS.

-She said no tho, but clearly sad about it.

______________

-So Alya is giving the girl posse the rundown on Marinette. Claiming she is lovesick.

-Rose thought they were cute, and Juleka says nothing. Is it wrong that I want Juleka to have an opinion? Whether positive OR negative

-Juleka is like "Yea, he is sad." shows picture of sad Luka. Though to be fair, that is a decent pic of him.

- So Alya is LAST to know. Double ouch.

-Marinette was crying in the bathroom, baby girl no!

-MARINETTE OMG! HOW DOES SHE HAVE THAT?!

-Alya out here trying to be a good friend. By showing Marinette she has support. (She aint even mad that she was last to find out. She is more concerned about her friend)

-THEY HAVE A SECRET HANDSHAKE!

-They calling her now

-She didn't answer. She is too sad

-So she won't detransform and talk with tikki. Can I PLEASE give her a hug. She needs it.

-Yo... Marinette has zero concern for herself and only detransformed when she thought it was causing strain on Tikki.

-Mylene offering friendship bracelets. Never change dear.

-Okay so are they witches now?

-Alix is like 'Can I not be in a ritual, Id rather give her some juice'

_________________

-Marinette sad cause Ladybug can't have a boyfriend. Cause even if she dated Adrien, it would be the same as it was with Luka.... Tikki knows that aint true but can't say why. UGH! This is pain

-Did Tikki just confirm Kwami can't fall in love? NO! MY CHEESECAKE!

-OH S***! So now she gonna be Perma ladybug?!

-So the girls showed up as soon as ladybug left. This isn't good.

-And of course Marinette is TOO GOOD at making s***, so they curious about the new dollhouse

-OH S*** THAT WAS CLOSE!

-And things going to s*** in 10, 9, 8

-Oh no... this... this is not good. Marinette sweetie no. No please.

-Look can we take a second and APPRECIATE HOW HARD ALYA AND THE GIRLS ARE GOING FOR MARINETTE! Did the writers see all of the alya salt and say 'Yea f*** that noise'? Cause I feel like they did.

-Okay so I know Marinette just didn't want to expose her secret... but damn girl... THAT was harsh.

-Marinette literally going scorched earth for being Ladybug... Okay, this episode PHYSICALLY hurts me. SHE DOESNT MEAN IT GIRLS. PLEASE DONT HATE HER.

-Shadowmoth could you not. Like seriously?! COULD YOU F***ING NOT! MY BABY GIRL IS IN PAIN AND I WILL GO THROUGH MY SCREEN AND [Redacted]

-And then you'll have to f*** sideways.

-So first 5 way akumatization

-So can we talk about how the last 3 akuma were after the secrets of Marinette. well 2, but the other one was Adrien. But still. A Lot of Hawkmoth saying 'F*** this individual in particular'

-THEY JUST WANT HER TO STAY THEIR FRIEND! OMG I CANT EVEN BE MAD.

-I wish I could understand Juleka. Can someone please just translate with what she is saying. It was funny in truth, but I want to know

-OH Timebreaker and Horrificator are BACK. Yay, I missed them

-Just realized how AMAZING their Gang of akuma are. Like damn, thats like a super team of evil. Yea sure

___________________________

-Not to nitpick, but Marinette, you should have led with that box.

-TRIXX IS GONNA USE HIS POWERS OMG FINALLY! A PURE KWAMI POWER. We haven't seen that since Plagg.

-Damn that was a really boss illusion trixx. But question, how was that out of control? Like if anything, that was BETTER then when the user used it.

-Trixx makes a really good point. WHY DOES HE NEED A HOLDER AGAIN?!

-OH, HE WAS LYING. EVERYTHING LOOKS F***ING BANANAS.

-Trixx is now my second favorite Kwami.

-PLAGG! MY SON! HE IS IN THE EPISODE! I MISSED HIM. Also, surprisingly knows.

-Plagg cares about other Kwami.

-Adrien just chilling, watching tv. XD

-Timebreaker casually committing murder

-Hold it, Okay so why are so many people in school right now? Ivan is there, chloé and Sabrina? Oh my tomato son too. Can someone tell me wtf is up with this school schedule?

-Fragrance/Reflekta Power combo is amazing.

-Wow, this gang is MEGA DANGEROUS

-So yea Ladybug. Maybe... idk... TALK WITH CHAT NOIR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!?

-So they really gotta plan this time.

-Ladybug smart to disarm Ladywifi.

-Ladybug trying to get lady wifi to fight the akuma. This is touching

-SHE DID IT! ALYA BROKE FREE! LIKE A MOTHERF***ING BOSS.

-No, shadow moth, you's a b***

-Loving this Alya- Ladybug friendship

-Chat noir looking boss by fighting 3 akuma at once while on the phone. Chat noir Leveled up.

-So Ladybug can now pull the miraculous out of anywhere because she has guardian status. Thats a cool trick. Makes it much easier.

-Thats a secret tho, Alya got trusted with a big secret.

-RENA ROUGE IN THE HOUSE!

_______

-And Chat noir is captured... but in his defense. He did have to fight 4 at once this time. So that took longer than usual. So no shame kitty. You did well.

-Lucky charm is an inner tube

-Clever illusion. POINTS! Using the goal of the akuma to distract. Alya gets gull points!

-WOW! REALLY CLEVER ILLUSION.

-Ladybug suave catch of rose tho.

-So that was probably the best Group akuma attack since Heroes day (and honestly it probably tops it)

________

-Marinette patches things up with her friends. That is a relief. She was able to somewhat explain her issues up to the point. Without spilling the details.

-Marinette has some really good friends.

-Alya knows that not everything has been told... Hold on DONT TELL ME.

-Oh wow, Marinette is breaking down.... My poor baby girl is hurting real bad.

-OH S*** SHE SAID IT! SHE TOLD HER! SHE TOLD ALYA!

____________________________________________________________

wow this episode... This one hurt. This one hurt a LOT. But also, it was really good.

Okay so, 10/10.

I haven't been this enthralled with an episode in a long time.

Are there one or two nitpicks? Absolutely.

Do I wish somethings were not mentioned? A little bit.

Am I glad Alya knows? Out of everyone, she is the second person I wanted Marinette to tell.

(The first one being chat noir, but lets face it, we kind of knew that won't be happening for a while.)

So can Alya salt stop now? Cause Alya CLEARLY showed how much of a motherf***ing boss she is.

But damn I didn't feel this emotional since Chat blanc.

I DONT EVEN CARE THAT THE AKUMA WERE REPEATS.

That was OBJECTIVELY, one of the best episodes in the entire series.

This made me rethink my favorite episode. THATS HOW GOOD IT WAS.

Season 4, You keep doing what you are doing. Your writing (minus some very minor nitpicks) has been pretty damn good.

[conundrumrespeculis]

Garfield Pet Force

Ive been thinking about this book series a lot recently so I have decided to plague y'all with it and try to convince you to read at least one of the books with possibly the best sales pitch I know.

The "Story So Far" summary of book two (Pie-Rat's revenge) minus the spoilers for the first book, which I have put under a readmore because it does, in fact, take up a solid amount of space, and not everyone wants to read the glorious premise of Pet Force.

1

The story so far... There exist an infinite number of universes parallel to our own. Each one is similar to ours, but each one is also unique in it's own way. In one such parallel universe, a group of superheroes known as Pet Force kept the peace for many years. Each of the five members of Pet Force possessed incredible superpowers that they used to battle evil. Recently, however, an evil veterinarian with magical powers named Vetvix defeated Pet Force, banishing the five heroes to a ghostly dimension from which there is no escape. The kind and benevolent ruler of this alternate universe, Emporer Jon, lived on a peaceful planet known as Polyster. He called upon his sorcerer- Sorcerer Binky- to find new beings to serve as Pet Force. Using his magic cauldron, Sorcerer Binky opened a doorway between Emperor Jon's universe and our universe. He brought Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky into the parallel universe where they took on the powers and appearance of Pet Force.

...

And Ladies and Gentlemen this is just the tip of the HAT for Pet Force. Emperor Jon? The Pet Force version of Jon Arbuckle. And it SHOWS. Not to MENTION they actually give a story and reason that works really well for the world that's been built as to HOW such a dunderhead got on the throne.

And Sorceror Binky? If you haven't guessed it already, He's The Pet Force version of Binky the Clown and it's THE funniest shit. He also is just a great character in general and you can just tell he's amazing just from dialogue.

Vetvix? The Evil Magic Veterinarian? The Pet Force version of Liz. And she is lean, mean, fashionable, sassy, and wants to rule the universe. She won't stop at NOTHING to get what she wants, but she's also a legitmate character. She has likes and dislikes, people she gets along with, and people she hates, she has devious wins and frustrating losses. But she won't give up!

And if you get annoyed at her for some reason? You can read one of the books where she's not the villain! Pie-Rat's Revenge focuses on Pie-Rat (Yes he IS a pirate rat that likes food and he's brilliant he wears an eyepatch and peg leg despite needing neither just because he's commited to the aesthetic) escaping from "jail" and teaming up with Garzooka turned evil to go commit crimes such as stealing food.

Or if you don't like him you could read about the lethal lizards! Some incredibly engaging criminal reptiles that got superpowers and decided to commit crimes! Their names are Dragon, Chameleon, and Snake. So I think you can tell what reptiles they are. And they're absolutely ridiculous I love them.

And I haven't even MENTIONED the fun of garfield and co. in superhero roles. Specifically their names are Garzooka, Odious, Abnermal, Starlena, and Compooky! And they are also ridiculous and at times not very heroic, including the times literally everyone got to be evil. Yes I am counting the mutanator. No I am not spoiling their surprise in this post.

The original Garzooka was a heroic leader-type, but put garfield in the drivers seat and you have a glutonous lazy superhero with a heck ton of power who at one point eats the cords for a spaceship. I'm like 98% certain he's got an iron stomach. If you know garfield, you know how ridiculous he can be.

Odious is literally Odie. Big heart, but oh so no thoughts head empty. Literally can lift up an entire castle and also make infinite drool (this was not tested but definitely implied). He has also knocked people out on accident because he forgot he does that when he licks people. A total idiot but I love him.

Abnermal is Nermal. Incredibly annoying, likes comics, looooves to pester garfield, and really funny ok, he literally annoys people as one of his superpowers. But also he knows when to shut up (sometimes) and is always super excited for being a super hero!

Starlena is absolutely fabulous. I'm just gonna get that out of the way now. She's most certainly the most mature member of the team and kicks ass. Literally the smartest other than Compooky, but honestly nobody beats Compooky in smartness. She takes no shit but also genuinely cares about other people. One time she saves the day by giving a snappy comeback. She is fabulous.

And Compooky, the literal super computer and garfield's best friend. He's the brains of the team, but can't fight very well (he's literally a teddy bear) so usually he stays on the ship. HOWEVER he's fucking badass ok? Literally gets captured by enemy forces and is so smart he escapes all on his own. Absolutely terrifying when given power I love him.

And if absolutely NONE of this convinces you to read at least one of the Pet Force books, that of which are:

Small, easy to read chapter books.

In posession of bomb ass cover artwork.

Readable in any order without losing context due to the story so far bit at the front of each book which gives you the context needed.

Quality.

Then I don't know what to tell you.

Unless it's because you've seen the movie bc if you've seen the movie I will tell you the movie literally becomes better after you've read the books. I would not enjoy that movie half as much as I do if it weren't for how it does a silly take on the books and both plays into them and seperates itself from them. Do not judge the books from the movie, and the movie from the books.

[80scartoonfan]

My Review of Masters of the Universe Revelation - Better late then Never...

It has been two months now, and wow... Not, not many fans of the entire franchise like the Kevin Smith Masters of the Universe series do they? As an aspiring writer myself I can't say I blame them.

I know this comes literally on the heels of the LATEST series being released (obligations to projects, work, family and other things got in the way) and I have to say I wasn't all that impressed with it. If anything, compared to the dumpster fire that was Season 8 of Voltron Legendary Defender that season was more enjoyable than this first part of the mini-series. 

And if I am being honest from the first leaks of Skele-God, to the drama with YouTubers like Clownfish-TV and others, to the "race swapping" of Andra and King Greyskull, to spoilers Kevin Smith himself even made, I would give Part-1 a GENEROUS D-Minus. This is a shame because I really wanted this series to exceed all expectations and be equal to the original like 2012s TMNT is or 2011s ThunderCats. But there is too much against it. 

First, let’s talk about the animation. It was absolutely breathtaking! It was crisp, the world-building in just the scenery was a masterpiece. Out of what I saw of all of part 1, spotted one goof - dealing in episode 1 with Evil-Lyn's staff, which shows that their animators care of what they produce. I loved the animation so much that if the rights to my favorite anime were purchased by a studio to do a continuation from 2005 or a second reboot, I'd gladly give Powerhouse Animation my salary for the next 5 years!

The music, the music was gorgeous! But then I am biased towards Bear McCreary. Even though He-Man seems a bit knew to compose music to, he immediately got my vote of confidence when it was announced he was attached. Reason being, his work for the movie Godzilla King of the Monsters! His music made me actually tear up during that movie. Something I didn't do since another Godzilla movie.

With the exception of Mark Hamill - as shocking as it comes and Sarah Michelle Gellar, the voice acting was phenomenal! I loved Kevin Michael Richards as Beastman, Tony Todd as ScareGlow, even Liam Cunningham as Duncan! Chris Wood was spectacular as Prince Adam/He-Man for just being introduced to him. But the one who really stole the show for me was Lena Headdy. She killed it as Evil-Lyn, so much that if the Eternity War Saga or 2 part crossover event ThunderCats and He-Man/Injustice vs Masters of the Universe were made into live-action or animated movies, I'd pay whatever she wanted just to have her return. 

I also want to applaud the effort of getting a diverse group of voice actors. Something which I noticed few if ANY have. Actors who are both known for their VA resumes and those who are new to voice acting. But also the actors themselves, besides the white and black VAs there were if I am not mistaken a Native American and I think 2 Mixed-Race voice actors. I don't remember if there were any Asian or Middle Eastern VAs, but it is always Part-2! 

As for Mark Hamill, at first, I was excited that he was going to do the voice of Skeletor. But upon hearing him as Skeletor, I'm not sure anymore. Granted this is just the first part of the mini-series, but it didn't feel like Skeletor if that makes sense? To me, it felt like he was trying to mix Joker/Alvin the Treacherous/and Firelord Orzi all into one character.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is another one I wasn't sure about. I admit I found it hard going in unbiased because I never liked Sarah. Not as Gwendy Doll, or Andromeda, Daphne and certainly not as Buffy - mainly because I preferred Kristy Swanson as Buffy, but that is beside the point. She had some nice emotional spots, but for the majority of her performance as Teela, it just wasn't there for me. If the writing and script had been better than what it was, she could have won me over for Teela, but as I write this I am more excited for Kimberly Brooks to voice Teela.

Now let’s talk about the things I hated. This will involve anything from Characters including designs to the writing and other things. If you don't want to be triggered I advise you to stop reading this and move on. If you are still here and get triggered, like one person who always seems to be, don't say I didn't warn you. I am always open to engaging others civilly in talking and debate. But if you can't even do that, don't bother engaging. These are my opinions and MY THOUGHTS, and I will hold nothing back regardless of the topic. You have been warned!

The story, the story absolutely sucked! You can tell the writers, if you can call them that, just didn’t care about what they were doing. I’ll go into this shortly. But those writers should be ashamed to even call themselves that. Sure it was catered to be modernized and appealing to potential new fans, but they should have been more aware of what they were doing. Just in this first part, there are so many plotholes and questions I was asking myself that I filled 4 whole pages of paper asking questions and thoughts - which to the fanfic writers I will put in at the end of this if you want to explore them. 

I watched the mini-series five times now, trying to be as objective as I possibly could as an aspiring writer and not as a MotU fan, and each time got even more painful. Let’s be clear on one thing, I wanted this series to succeed. But too many things brought it down, and like with Ghost in the Shell 2045, I’m not sure I want Netflix to release part 2 or that I would watch it if they did. 

Let’s start with how it was advertised as a “direct sequel to the original.” It was not a direct sequel to the original. I have seen someone bring this up and I have to agree with him. This mini-series is more in line with Nickelodeon’s Voltron-Force from 2011. I remember watching that series when it premiered and then had to hunt down my VHS tapes that had them to get a feel for the series again. 

Both played off their respective originals as direct sequels, but both are in fact pseudo-sequels/soft reboots. They have the characters we grew up with and we can identify these characters because they are close to their original counterparts, but that is as far as the “sequel” goes. They bring in newer characters who we know nothing about or characters who have maybe been unimportant to the main characters, but we have to accept them now. It was like that with Mona Lisa in the 2012 TMNT who I enjoyed WHEN they used her, Larmina of Voltron-Force being Allura’s niece, and Andra of Revelation who had maybe 2 or 3 appearances in the entire run of the Masters of the Universe franchise.

Like Voltron-Force, Revelation, had no real ties to the original. There were no mentions of battles, events, and characters who played critical roles in the original. Instead, it starts off with a narrative deposition to set the series up (not matching how the original ended) and just starts in with new adventures. For it to be a direct sequel to an original,  you need to have more than just characters we can identify as He-Man/Skeletor/Keith/Lotor/Allura/or Teela.

Next, let’s talk about the length of this mini-series. This is still a bitter subject amongst Voltron fans because so much Netflix could have done more with it if they didn’t do four seasons that were  6/7 episodes. We can all agree that with the “story telling” they wanted to do, just five episodes just were not enough for the first part and potentially the second part. The amount of time needed to portray the journey from Adam’s death to Skeletor taking the power sword and becoming Skelegod could have easily been an entire season. Even 9-10 episodes would have been acceptable with the proper writing that wasn’t going for deliberate shock value goals or “shipping.”

With a 9-10 episode first part, they could have given everyone what they wanted. They could have had He-Man solidly in the first 3 episodes killing him off in the 3rd in such an emotional way it would leave us old-timers not only devastated but eager for more. Use episode 4 to transition into a dying magical world trying to survive with the loss of He-Man and Skeletor and set up the following episode where we see Teela and Andra meet, rather than “next episode we meet Teela and her ‘friend’ Andra on a practically dead world.” Hell, if this was supposed to be a series which wanted to emotionally cripple old timers like me, I’d have been fine if were three season 13 episode series where He-Man dies at the very end of season 1, season 2 picks up with the aftermath of his death, and season 3 is He-Man’s return to defeat Skeletor.

Let’s now talk about the plotholes in this series which tie together with the amount of episodes. These are the biggest things that damage the series the most! The biggest plothole and the most important one is “SPAN OF TIME!” How long has it been since Prince Adam’s death and we see Teela with Andra - days/weeks/months/years - WHAT?! When did they meet? Where did they meet? What happened to Eternos? Did King Randor go all Mad-King Targarian or was Eternos get sacked and destroyed now that He-Man was no longer there to protect its people? Did King Randor put a bounty on Teela’s head for leaving? Remember she was a sworn member of the guard to the King. I doubt he would have just let her leave unless he had a good reason not to go after her. What happened to all the other Masters - Clamp Champ/Ram-Man/Stratos/Buzzoff/Tusk Man and many others in the aftermath of Adam’s death? These are questions and things fans should have been focusing on rather than “will Teela and Andra be together?” Kevin Smith said this series had what others didn’t... STAKES. What are those stakes?

Speaking of Teela and Andra and I know this will be a touchy one for most. I feel that their dynamic is directly done to “queerbait” people. Now I am not saying we can’t have LGBT couples in series, it’s just that writers either need to commit to establishing these couples or not at all. Only doing glimpses or hints at, is for a lack of a better term a Kobayashi Maru - (a No Win Scenario for the Non-Star Trek fans) like it was with Shiro in Voltron Legendary Defender. And if and when this blows up in their faces, like it did the Voltron writers, they have no one to blame but themselves. 

Star Trek Lower Decks like every other Star Trek since “The Next Generation” have no qualms in establishing certain characters as LGBT. It is how you do it, and many of these shows need to follow the example from Star Treks TNG/DS9/VOY/LD. This series are a clear testament that you can have Straight/Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual relationships without “queer-baiting” or overtly shoving it in people’s faces.

The writers have made it clear that there is something between Teela and Andra but while also making it clear there is still something between her and Adam. Which regardless of how part 2 ends is liable to upset the fans they “catered” this series to. Who do you make happy and who do you ostracize? And with today’s social media are you going to handle the backlash of giving one and not the other? I personally would prefer Teela and Adam to be what kids today call “Endgame,” but ever since the Keith & Allura tradition was soundly destroyed in Season 2 of Netflix’s Voltron, that when it comes to Netflix series I just simply don’t care anymore who ends up with who, I want a well thought-well developed story. 

The character designs of Teela/Andra/Evil-Lyn I understand they wanted a more “modern” realistic feel to them, which I am neither for nor against. Because let’s face it spandex-clad or barely covered barbarian fantasy women with chainmail is a product of the 70s/80s/90s. It is alright to have modern designs for characters but not too modern. Especially when we have shows like Game of Thrones and others to draw references from.

I do admit, I am not a fan of Teela’s design. I understand the reasoning is to make her a “Strong Female Character” but there is more to being a strong female character than looking strong. Strength is also one’s character, how they grow and develop. Teela’s stubbornness, fear, and anger at her “past life” are preventing her growth. If this is the way they portray a strong female character then they have no business doing so. 

Kimberly Brooks’ Allura is a far stronger woman than this Teela ever will be. The burdens she shouldered, admitting she was wrong and not gloating when she was correct, the forgiveness of a race responsible for the genocide of her’s, being a diplomat while also being a warrior, sacrificing her well being for others all contributed to her growth from “Princess who just woke up” to Strong Female Character by the end of Season 6. 

Teela understandably was hurt by the lies that filled her life. Sure she built a life away from those lies, but she was running away from them. Rather than confront the reason why she became bitter and ran away essentially. She was only forced to confront those lies to save Eternia and the universe and even then there really wasn’t any humility about it. Instead, it is all about her. Not once in this series have I seen growth for Teela’s character like Legendary Defender’s Allura, and let me be perfectly blunt - I had no love for Allura after Season 2. Not once did she admit she was wrong or apologize. Not once was she willing to sacrifice her life for the greater good - instead she was willing to let the whole universe die because of the lies she was fed her life. 

Now let me address the whole Race-Bending “controversy.” As with the new designs, I am neither for nor against them. I understand the arguments on both sides when it comes to Andra and King Greyskull. One side argues it appeals to young black girls and boys while the other argues they are being tired of being handed “Hand-Me-Down” characters. Both sides have valid arguments. But honestly, as an old Masters of the Universe fan, it took the so-called “race-swapping” of Andra for me to even remember her because she was never that important and even betrayed Teela for Faker in the Injustice vs Masters of the Universe comics and even then she appeared in maybe 5 panels at most.

Now King Greyskull, at first I was against, I’ll admit it but then I changed my tone looking at myself and my family. See I am Bi-Racial, my mother is white and my father is black. My father’s sister married a white guy and had 6 bi-racial kids. Two who in turn gave birth to white-skinned blond-haired blue-eyed kids. Had they gone the “bloodline” path Prince Adam could have been a representation of not just blacks, whites, but bi-racial and mixed-blood peoples. 

I realize this is coming out on the eve of that new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe series, which as a He-Man fan since 1984 (when I was potty training) I will give it a shot, maybe even write a review of it. But I still have my reviews of Godzilla: Singular Point, Pacific Rim: The Black, Star Trek Lower Decks, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2045, and other series to write on top of work and my family life.

-------------------------------~ Question and Thoughts Time ~---------------------------

As I mentioned above,  had many thoughts and questions which I believe were pivotal in the development of this series. Questions and thoughts should have been vocalized during the writing stage rather than fans asking them. These are of the first 3 episodes and some of episode 4. If you are a fanfiction writer who wants to explore these feel free to do so, I will be more than happy to read if they answer these questions and make the mini-series more enjoyable.

Keep in mind these are questions and thoughts I had because I am also an aspiring writer of my own fiction - that I am keeping close to my chest until I feel ready to release it.

Any true He-Man fan would question why is He-Man on a mechanical horse when he would be using battle cat

I do like the celebration happening at the same time quote-unquote He-Man is approaching Castle Grayskull it makes you think Adam is missing out on an important event

In the original series, Castle Grayskull had defenses that the Sorceress could call upon to confuse and combat an enemy who breached its walls how did Skeletor learn about the true secrets of Castle Grayskull when it should only be the Sorceress that knows of such secrets

If the Sorceress is so powerful and so smart why was she tricked by the faker He-Man he doesn't have the power sword?

I love that Orko is still a bumbling magician in Eternia’s realm. Shows how different realities have an effect on others

Adams entrance to “I have the power” let alone his playful jab at who “He is” should have been a hint to Teela

I do like the scene between Adam and Teela in the hall. It really makes you think that they actually are friends from childhood that grew up together and possibly have a future together.

My knowledge of the 38 years of the canon may be a bit shady now, but hasn’t Skeletor always needed the Power sword to get into Castle Grayskull like he always needed it in the comics?

They hinted that his mother knows he's He-Man and that she does reveal that he is He-Man after the battle. I know a mother knows these things about her child. But how did she learn Adam was He-Man and how did she not tell King Randor

Again how did Marlena know He-Man was her son and not tell her husband?

King Randor’s response is feasible but Teela’s response, because everyone lied to her is understandable - but she's a warrior. She is also a sworn captain of the royal guard, sworn to the King. She can’t just quit like that, can she?

How much time has passed between the death of Adam and when we see Teela with Andra

What has happened to the Royal Family in this time? What about Eternos? Has King Randor and Marlena revealed that he-man was their son Prince Adam? With He-Man out of the picture Has Eternos Fallen? Did Randor go all Mad-King Targaryen and become a ruthless tyrant?

What has happened to all of the other Masters? Ram-Man/Buzzoff/Clamp Champ/Fisto/Stratos/ and so many others? Were they killed off? Did they disband? Or were they exiled, WHAT?!

What about Snake-Mountain? What happened in the aftermath of Skeletor’s apparent death? Did Triclops and Beastman betray Evil-Lyn?

How did Teela meet Andra? What is the “When, where, and how” behind their meeting? What did she do to gain Teela’s trust when she felt betrayed by the world?

What is Andra’s background or history in this series besides being an engineer?

When old hag gives Teela and Andra their mission you can obviously tell it's evil-lyn

He-Man flashbacks are kind of nice but it would have been nice to have a build-up for such flashback or have a series season before his demise with such flashbacks that way it could be more poignant

I do like the idea of Triclops and Trap-jaw building a technical but what put them on the path for this techno cult

The cult kind of feels like the Borg as much as I like the idea of Trap-jaw and Triclops making a cult I don't know how I feel about it being Borg-like

This may be controversial but Andra feels like the stereotypical POC Rooky sidekick you see join the main character on their quest.

Like Grace Randolph said this whole Teela/Andra angle may come up and bite everyone in the ass later on if they don’t follow through which will piss off all the old-time fans and if they don’t follow through with the Teela/Andra angle and make Prince Adam/Teela are a couple then all the LGBTQ fans will be pissed off about that

I can already foresee it happening just like it did with Voltron Legendary Defender with Shiro being gay and his ex-partner Adam being killed in combat

We do get a hint of what the king did after the final battle but still what happened in that time after Prince Adam was killed? Did king Randor go off the deep end and become a dictator, what? These are questions that needed to be asked and answered during the writing stage

When did Evil-Lyn, Cringer, and the Sorceress make an alliance to save what little magic is left and in essence the entire universe?

I have the suspicion that was the Sorceress finally trying to tell Teela she's her mother Ford Shadows that the Sorceress is going to die and Teela is going to take her place

Did Teela really name Cringer, or was it something to boost her up in this mini-series?

Did cringer really tell Tela the Adam loved her?

Thus Begins the quest to reforge the sword to go to heaven and hell to get the parts and rebuild the Power sword thus queue Duncan

How much time has passed between the end of the previous episode and the beginning of this new one?

How is time measured on Eternia? 

If Skeletor truly wanted to kill He-Man why didn't you take his power sword when he was shackled up?

Kevin Conroy is ma as Mermaid Man if he gets more roles as mermaid man he might grow on me

Instead of gloating, why didn’t they take He-Man’s sword if it was their prize all along?

Typical 80s cartoon ponds very nice

If Evil-Lyn preached that Man-at-Arms was the most dangerous man in Eternia why didn't they act like it why did they act like He-Man was the most dangerous one?

I do love the jobs both Teela and Evil-Lyn take at each other because they are pretty much the same. Evil-Lyn is Skeletor’s version of the Sorceress and Teela is practically He-Man sorceress when she accepts her destiny.

Teela has seen her father fight hundreds of times how could you not recognize his fighting style?

I like how beast man's loyalty never swayed from evil when I also like Kevin Michael Richardson parentheses? As Beastman I thought I would like him as King Grayskull but I I do like him as beast man

Orko like Castle Grayskull does provide a little hint as to King Randor’s reaction to Prince Adam’s death. I feel this is something they should have put into the series

I feel that all of Orko's scenes in episode 3 and my Following episode 4 are tainted because of Kevin Smith revealing he gets killed and why he decided to have Oracle killed

Why should Beastman show a little fear to Andra who is she to him?

I like that you can still see that Man at Arms still loves the Sorceress and I also find it funny that when it comes to that one huge secret something always gets in the way

Again I hate how they portrayed the span of time in this? 

How did they go from a Forest Village so halfway across the world?

Something's been nagging me lately could Evil-Lyn be related to both Teela and the Sorceress somehow?

It could be a reference to how similar the Figures were in the 80s but in some scenes, Teela and Evil-Lyn’s facial structures look almost identical could you be separated sisters?

The further this point it's funny how Evil-lyn and Kela can just cut through the bullshit between their infatuation with He-Man and Skeletor

Again what time something happened between evil-lyn and Merman we don't know what just that he seems bitter that she didn't take over the land while he took a while he tried to take over the seat

It seems that there are undertones to a massive war and the wake of Prince Adam’s death.

I kind of like how even evil-lyn kind of shows that she may be afraid of subterranean

With half of part 1 ended could Skeletor have them influencing her? Why did she have to retrieve the Havoc staff head?

How does Evil-Lyn know so much about the Subterranea?

Teela facing a false He-Man could be a hint of her feelings for Adam. But I think it would be more of a visceral scene if it was Prince Adam and not He-Man.

Was that a hint of Teela becoming the new sorceress? 

Scenes between Orko and Lyn were a nice touch. Maybe a better connection between Orko and Lyn than Teela, He-Man, and the others?

Orko’s sacrifice could be the beginning of the Dark-Orko storyline?

Was that the Sorceress’ most recent ancestor, Teela’s Grandmother or GREAT-Grandmother?

Why didn’t Adam finish the chant? If Kevin Smith borrowed aspects from everything relating to He-Man, then why didn’t Adam finish the chant? A few times Adam has been run through in which he could finish the chant to become He-Man.

If Teela is such a badass, why didn’t she attempt to stop a reconstituting Skeletor from stabbing Adam?

Really Andra? You are going to sass Skeletor? He doesn’t know you and would sleep like a baby dispersing you. You are nothing to him, you are lucky he didn’t decide to run you through with the power sword.

And really Skeletor? Because no woman could love a face like your’s? Thats your motivation?

[imagine-myhero]

Angel (Part 1)

Pairing: Hawks x F!Reader

Summary: Forced to work for All For One, you find yourself in an unexpected situation when the pro hero Hawks comes looking to join the League of Villains.

(Manga Spoilers)

“If you sense even a hint of a lie from this guy, tell me immediately and I’ll incinerate him. No questions asked.” Your dual-textured “coworker” of sorts  says for the upteenth time today from beside you. You sigh at him and try not to roll your eyes, instead focusing on where you’re walking in the nearly pitch-black alleyway.

“Yeah, for the millionth time I know, Dabi. I mean, it’s not like it’s the only reason I’m even here or anything.” You remark sarcastically, mood only souring when you feel yourself step in what you can only hope is a puddle (though it hasn’t rained in weeks). 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dabi says dismissively, “I’m just on edge with this. Can you blame me? He’s a fucking hero.” He spits the last word out like it was poisonous. 

“I know…” You say quietly. It’s not just Dabi that hates heroes, it’s the whole League of Villains of course. Well, minus Spinner to an extent.

And yourself. 

You grew up in a family of good people; people who dedicated their lives to helping others whether through law enforcement, the medical field, or education– you even have a cousin who went around the world building homes and feeding those in need. You admired your brother, Naomasa, most of all. As a detective, he delivered justice to people who committed horrible crimes and never let a single innocent person be wrongly accused. You were so happy when your quirk manifested to be like his; if someone lies to you while you’re touching them, you get a pronounced ringing in your ears like an alarm. You planned to join the force when you got older and be just like him someday. 

Life had… other plans for you. 

When you were 14, you were “recruited” into some group they called the League of Villains. By “recruited”, you mean to say you were kidnapped and they made it look like you were murdered (grotesquely murdered with remains too decayed to be identified) so no one came looking for you.

A man cloaked in a purple gaseous substance-— or perhaps he was gas— and dressed in the classy wardrobe of a high-end bartender introduced himself as Kurogiri. He explained to you how their leader (“master” a boy no older than yourself fitfully corrected the shadowy man) had been gravely injured and that they needed to strengthen their forces while he recovered. You were to help them make powerful allies and sniff out any enemies with your quirk and they would be so kind as to refrain from murdering your entire family in return.

And so here you’ve been, doing the League’s dirty work ever since. You’re 22 now and a trusted member of the League, recruiting members with Dabi or gathering intel on Tartarus with Toga or Twice. Your quirk has developed from using it so often; you no longer need to touch people to hear the ringing if they’re lying, though you’ve told no one about it to keep yourself at an advantage in this den of snakes. You doubt they’d be happy to hear it anyway— it makes it harder for them to control you. 

Dabi’s snort of amusement breaks you out of your thoughts, “Heh. Bird-brain has no idea we have a lie detector in the League. I almost want to tell him before you use your quirk, just to see that panicked look in his eyes. In fact, I think I will…” 

Tonight, you’re going with Dabi to meet with a hero who claims to want to join the League and work as a double-agent. 

You try to mask the hollowness in your voice when you laugh along with him. It’s no surprise he already thinks this will be a bust. Despite his outwardly laidback nature, Dabi is one of the most guarded, cautious people you’ve ever met. He hardly trusts anyone, so he takes you practically everywhere “just to be sure”. You two have gotten pretty close as a result. You don’t understand how anyone as sharp as Dabi can follow Shigaraki, or anyone for that matter. 

“You never know. He might be the real deal.” You reply. You don’t tell Dabi that it doesn’t matter. You certainly don’t tell Dabi that you plan on telling him the hero’s lying about wanting to join the League even when he’s not.

“If he is, I don’t know how he can stand to pretend to be one of those pathetic frauds, and the one in second place even. The way he panders to that bastard in first is disgusting.” He scoffs. 

“He’ll help us take him down if he’s telling the truth.” 

“… I’d rather roast them both.” 

Well, Dabi will get half his wish tonight no matter what. You’ll make sure of that. You suppress the guilt weighing on your heart by telling yourself it’s for the greater good. The League can’t get their hands on a pawn as valuable as a pretend hero. 

It’s not like you want to kill him, but are you supposed to just let him into the League so he could quite literally stab good people in the back? Your family— your brother— would never stand for something like that. Neither will you. You may be forced to work for them, but you aren’t a villain. 

Or… Maybe you are. 

For killing him. Them…so many would-be recruits reduced to ash by your false testimony that they weren’t true. 

You hated yourself each time you lied, each time you heard their agonized screams, each time you smelled the burning flesh. But you couldn’t… you can’t let the League get stronger than it already has. They have plans to do terrible things. They want destruction and chaos and misery. They want everything good in the world to die. 

You were stupid to believe they’d keep your family alive. If they’re not already dead, they will be with this “new world” Shigaraki wants along with his “master”, All For One. 

You’ve done enough to aid them as it is. You recruited these faithful followers of Stain into the League despite the shrill ringing in your ears when Shigaraki convinced them he followed Stain too. You allowed Compress, Muscular, even Moonfish into the League to protect your family. You raised alarms on failed recruits who tried to turn their back on the League when they were just looking for a quick buck and saw what they’d gotten into; the “weak of heart” All For One called them, as he transported them somewhere to be turned horrifically into Nomus. 

You did it all. 

You’ve done enough. 

You can’t stand by any longer. You’ll do everything you can to protect the world of innocents and preserve the truly good in the world, not destroy it all and plunge the world into chaos like Shigaraki wants. By getting rid of this traitor of heroes, you’ll stop the League from having a powerful ally and you’ll stop this fake hero from defiling justice. It’ll be like killing two birds with one stone. 

Finally, you and Dabi step inside the abandoned warehouse at the end of the alleyway. The moonlight reaches you for the first time, spilling into the  windows of the building and brokenly illuminating the room inside with an eerie glow. 

“Kept me waiting long enough.” A voice calls, echoing through the structure’s shell. You don’t see anyone around and you glance at Dabi in confusion, however he looks unfazed as he stares up into the rafters. You follow his gaze and spot him; the abnormally large shadow of a man perched atop one of the beams as he hunches to stare down at you. The moonlight doesn’t quite reach him, but your slowly adjusting sight make out his shadow expanding before your eyes until finally you see the moonlight catch vibrant red feathers. 

Wings. 

It’s Hawks.

He drops to the ground, but it’s almost as if he hovers and instead floats gently down with mesmerizing grace. His wings are fully outstretched on either side of him, gorgeous and intimidating, and his piercing golden eyes glint in the moonlight as he looks between you and Dabi. He looks like an angel. 

But he’s not, you remind yourself. He’s here, fraternizing and making deals with demons. 

No, he’s no angel. 

“You didn’t mention there’d be another.” The man says to Dabi as his grand wings tuck in behind himself. He looks down at you with his eyes of molten gold, looking much like a bird zeroing in on its prey. 

“Got a problem with it?” Dabi retorts, a vexing smirk playing on his lips and his bright blue eyes never leaving the blond man in front of you. The man tilts his head just slightly in response, a gloved hand reaching up to adjust the goggles resting on his collar bones. The angled black points in the inner corner of his eyes make his gaze look sharp as he sizes you up. 

“No problem. Just hoped you’d trusted me a little more.” He responds with the same relaxed expression he always has on TV, scratching at the scruff on his chin. 

“Heh. Trust is the whole reason she’s here, blondie. Time to see if you really are what you say you are.” Dabi answers, hardly suppressing a snicker. Hawks merely stares at him.

“What do you mean?” 

“Her quirk lets her detect lies by touching someone.” Dabi answers, eyes wide and alight with sadistic amusement. You hear the brief ruffling of Hawks’s feathers and his head turns to look at you. His expression is difficult to read, which you’re sure Dabi must be disappointed with. You see his head has tucked down into the wide collar of his coat as if to hide, but it’s far too subtle to tell for sure. 

“Oh?” Is all he hums out, voice steady and airy like it always is. Dabi scowls a little bit, but nods.

“Yep. Only way to be sure you’re telling the truth about wanting to be part of the League. You do still want in, right? Or have you had a sudden change of heart?” Dabi asks mockingly. For the first time, you see a hint of distress on Hawks’s face as his brow furrows just slightly and the muscles in his jaw jump when it tenses for just a moment.

“I want in.” Hawks says firmly, looking Dabi dead in the eye with fierce resolution. 

You hear no ringing. 

You close your eyes and try to hide your disappointment. 

Fuck… Why are you disappointed? You were expecting this. Why does it still hurt? 

Is it because he’s a hero— or supposed to be a hero? You’ve seen so much darkness and evil in the last eight years. It would have been nice to see some good for once. 

It would have been…

Dabi calls your name impatiently. You snap out of your thoughts, trying desperately to hold yourself together as you look at him. He just raises an eyebrow at you and cocks his head at Hawks.

Oh.

Oh, right. 

You still have to touch him. You haven’t used your quirk yet because you haven’t touched him, you remind yourself. Are you trying to blow your only secret or something? 

You step closer to Hawks and hold your hand out to him, palm facing up. Hawk hesitates for a nearly indiscernible moment before bringing his hand up.

“Gloves off.” Dabi snaps before Hawks can lay his hand in yours. Hawks glances sideways at him before looking directly at you, his gaze boring into yours with such intensity. You can’t break his bright topaz stare even as he takes his glove off. He places his hand into yours and you feel the warmth of his skin and the roughness of his callouses. You both take in a deep breath at the same time, bracing yourselves. 

“Hawks, are you dedicated to the League and its cause?” You ask. 

“Yes.” 

You hear a low ringing in your ears and close your eyes to focus. That can’t be. Ringing? It’s wavering and relatively quiet, but it’s there. But he just said he wanted in, and that was true. This doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s just the empty silence in the room. You ask another question just to be sure. 

“Are you willing to betray the heroes and commit yourself to the League?”

‘Damn it. Why is she dragging this out… ?’ Hawks wonders to himself. He’s caught. Before he can even do anything to help the rest of the heroes, he’s caught. ‘Damn it, damn it, damn it.’

“Yes.” He answers, despite himself. Maybe while you’re alerting Dabi he can get out of there somehow. 

Shrill ringing. So loud it’s painful. You muffle your gasp. 

The next question you ask for the sake of the hope swelling in your chest like a volcano about to erupt. 

“Are you a hero?” 

A hero? That’s so abstract, how is he even supposed to answer that? That’s his job title, sure, but the way you asked it seemed much deeper than that, and it’s definitely not like he feels very heroic right now. No, he feels more like a boy who’s flying too close to the sun. Hawks feels overwhelmingly frustrated with this situation, itching to spring into action and get out of this dangerous situation and confused as hell as to why you’re still asking questions, but at least his answer will probably be true. 

“No.” 

… 

Hawks’s feathers ruffle in anticipation. Dabi’s flames flicker around his wrist. 

“He’s telling the truth.” You announce to Dabi. 

‘What? Wait, what?!’ Hawks stares at you, eyes widened. Dabi grits his teeth and swears under his breath, flames slowly burning out. 

“Tch. Fine, but we’ll see if you’re still so loyal in a week.” Dabi growls, glaring at the man in front of you before turning away towards the door we came through. “Stay close to Endeavor. I’ll be in touch.” 

You follow him as he walks out, but can’t stop yourself from risking a glance back at Hawks. He’s still standing there watching after you. You stare back at him for a moment and turn around, leaving Hawks behind you, alive and well. 

‘Why would you do that?’ Hawks wonders to himself. ‘You could have told Dabi. You should have told Dabi.’ 

You clearly have no loyalty to the League. You’re giving him this chance to ruin them. Hawks realizes then that you’ve tied your fate with his by doing this, and he almost wishes you hadn’t done it. When the truth comes out, and it will, you’ll be in terrible danger. 

He’ll save you, Hawks vows. He will. 

In the darkened alleyway, you follow Dabi back to the hideout. You don’t regret what you did, not one single bit.

“…-’s side he’s really on.” Dabi’s voice slowly fills your ears as you regain your hearing. The memory of the last deafening ring still echoes in your mind as you hum along absentmindedly in agreement to whatever Dabi was saying. 

You think of beautiful red wings and angelic golden eyes, and smile. 

[smartguyreviewed]

1x5 - Don’t Do That Thing You Do

Original air date: April 16, 1997

Alright, Disney. We need to have a little talk.

I take a lot of shit from you in the name of nostalgia. You repay me by selling all of your DCOMs on iTunes but since they are DRM protected, you then make me have to buy third party software to remove said DRM just so I can watch these movies for my own personal viewing. If you’re worried about me selling and distributing copies of your movies to people who also wanna relive them good ‘ole days, stop. People will find a way to pirate your shit regardless and actually have more than what you release. Really, just stop.

You then removed all of the Smart Guy episodes from YouTube so that the only dregs of the show left are sped up, slowed down, or only take up a third of the video player due to copyright shit. You gave me considerable hope when I saw you’d be putting all the original shows and movies (minus In a Heartbeat. Minus The Jersey. Minus The Famous Jett Jackson. Minus Model Behavior. Minus My Date With the President’s Daughter.) on this shiny new channel of yours.

I know you have a problem with misordering episodes, making certain episodes season finales when they shouldn’t be and just not having any general sense of continuity. I am still baffled as to why this episode, episode number 5 is not included in the first season, which is already hella short at just 8 episodes. Disney, do you enjoy making me wonder why I even fuck with you? Once I get a .mp4 file of Johnny Tsunami and maaaaybe Can of Worms, I’m through with you forever.

This one is gonna be long because TJ really pissed me off in this episode. But if you actually read the above, I love you because I’m literally just whining.

In this episode, I will actually feel bad for Marcus. Yes, Marcus, teenage horndog, sexist Marcus will tug on my heartstrings and make me relate to him. I know I give him a lot of shit, but at the end of the day, he’s still a teenage boy. A dark-skinned teenage boy in a family full of gifted and/or capable light skinned people, at that. In this family, guess who is the odd one out, the black sheep? Marcus. Coincidence? I just couldn’t help but notice some things Yvette does (like pursue dance at one point) are encouraged while Marcus’s hobby (music, another art) is constantly shit on by Floyd who wants Marcus to be more book smart. Or how Yvette didn’t get into any trouble for not trying to stop TJ’s party just because Marcus, who is younger than her, was in charge? Just two examples, but you get the point. 

We begin the episode with TJ bothering the big kids while they’re trying to rehearse for the upcoming Battle of the Bands gig. The gang needs cash to continue banding, especially since Mo’s strings are caca. Marcus is certain they will win and as soon as he manifests positivity about his future, something bad happens. Their guitarist breaks his finger. 

Marcus is whining to pops about this little roadbloack when we see Yvette has invited Gabrielle Union back to her place to study in the kitchen. None of that learning crap will be happening right now though, because Floyd has made Gabs wet. She tells Yvette who delivers the most visceral reaction. But Yvette...your dad is hot. And it’s perfectly normal for friends to have crushes on your parents. And you also date older men! Yvette has her moments where I hate her and this is one of them. Instead of just dropping it and continuing to study, she actually throws her friend out! You would have thought Yvette was Floyd’s damn girlfriend, the way she was acting. 

Because every show needs a montage here and there, we are now jettisoned to the garage, where Marcus is auditioning for a new piano player. Spoiler alert: they all reek, except for one guy who clearly must have been on some type of psychedelic drug to audition for a high school R&B band during a federal pursuit. The others were straight duds, including the most aggressive polka musician ever who thought his accordion counted as a keyboard. 

Marcus is fucked. His goose is cooked. His dream is deferred. How the hell is he going to pull a new piano player out of his ass in time for BotB? He suddenly hears someone tickling the ivories and is beyond impressed...and then disappointed once he sees its TJ. Turns out the little guy knows all their songs and then proceeds to explain music in math terms and I pretty much feel the way Marcus does here.

I mean, really, it’s annoying to know that your freakishly intelligent brother is pretty much good at everything, including the thing that you love more than anything. You share a room with this person, you see this person every day at school and you now have to let him in your band because of circumstances.  I do like that Marcus includes the rest of the group in his decision making, even though they really don’t seem to care about its direction as long as they can have sex with all the groupies. 

So now its Mackadocious +TJ and Marcus is doling out the “kicks” to everyone except TJ. But TJ, homie, you just entered the band and your role is to just play the piano, since nobody else is around. This is not the time for you to be trying to get your Regina Spektor on. Play your part! TJ gets upset at this, but once Marcus threatens violence, he immediately goes back to his role.

B plot land is just Yvette pissed off that her friend finds her father attractive. They go to the BotB thing and she even cuts in front of them. Jeez Yvette, chill.

When her bestie leaves a voicemail directed more towards Floyd, although flattered, he has to let her down gently. Yadda yadda, Floyd is about to have that uncomfortable conversation but it’s fine because Gabby met some dude in a black trench coat and needs Yvette to style her hair like Halle Berry’s in the last month’s Essence. Yvette is happy that things are back to normal, at the expense of her lonely father who most likely reveled in that small amount of validation as quickly as it was snatched away from him. Poor Flody. 

Anyways, back to the main arc of the episode. It’s time for the BotB and TJ is still vying for that piano solo but Marcus isn’t budging. This will end well. Once they get far enough into the song, Marcus is about to do his solo. He’s probably thinking that finally, the spotlight will be on him for a change and he can feel like he’s doing something worthy of praise. But this is TJ we’re talking about, and he is a petty little asshole, so he immediately hijacks the show and begins with his piano solo. Marcus looks straight dumb trying to hop back into his own set. So now instead of being a dick and doing the solo he wasn’t supposed to do, he has now embarassed Marcus. His feelings about the situation can best be summed up here.

The next day at school, we see that TJ is still hogging all of the band’s attention. Marcus’s insane level of togetherness right now is commendable, seeing as TJ clearly has no remorse for what he’s done and is now rubbing it in their faces. Just Marcus, though. TJ is a little babe magnet and is now basically getting girls for Mo and Goose to have sex with. Everyone is getting what they want right now. Except Marcus. 

During a rehearsal, TJ moves on to insulting Marcus’s compositions and telling the band that they need something “else.” Marcus has had it and decides it’s time for TJ to go. TJ tries to save his ass by apologizing for something he’s clearly not sorry for after the fact, but the damage is done. Now we all know that TJ is totally one to accept defeat and move on so I’m sure nothing else will come of a rather amicable split.

Later, Kid from Kid n’ Play shows up and offers Mackadocious some moolah if they play again, but with TJ, seeing as Mackadocious has been unwillingly changed to The Band With the Cute Little Kid. Marcus, putting his dream over his desire to teach his little narcissist brother a lesson (just kidding, he wants the money) asks TJ back, but he’s strangely okay with staying out of it. Marcus then grabs TJ and threatens him, calling him a little twerp. This is still funny to me.

Floyd comes in and breaks up the fight and forces the siblings to hash out their differences in a healthy way. TJ says he wishes he could sing like Marcus. Marcus hates that TJ is good at everything. They both apologize to each other and Marcus even asks if TJ wants to rejoin the band and TJ is about to ruin this totally fine moment between them by revealing his evil plan.

After being kicked out of the band, TJ wanted to get even. Instead of just taking the L and moving on, he reached out to Kid and offered some tax code write offs in exchange for promising Mackadocious a lot of money to perform a bogus gig where nobody would show up. Yes, you read that right. TJ wanted to destroy Marcus’s life and possibly crush his spirit to the point where he’d never want to pursue music at all. All because he did something shitty and got punished accordingly. TJ is a petty little asshole. Floyd hears this and allows the beating to continue. Did I mention how much I love Floyd?

Stuff I noticed:

- TJ’s shirt. Where can I find this shirt? Seriously, it’s amazing.

- Oh hi, Christina Milian.

- When TJ is mentioning the name of the band’s fan site, he just says it’s ww.cutekid.com which makes no sense because that’s too general to refer to a band and also sounds like pedo bait. 

[too-many-kpop-hubands]

30 Day Fandom Challenge

Here we go again for my fandom challenge. You still with me? @domsberto I'd also like to nominate @jimonsprettyface

This next fandom is one that I have been a part of from the very beginning and it holds a special place in my heart. Hold on tight and for those who haven't seen it, spoilers ahead.

Day 2- Teen Wolf

(TV Show not Movie)

1) Favorite Character: Stiles Stilinski

Reason: I have a thing for adorable dorks apparently. 😂

Ok so I adore Stiles the most because he is the backbone and heartbeat of the group. Sure he's a spazz and a nerd but he also always finds a way to get the group out of sticky situations because of his intelligent and knack for looking at things from every angle (he truly is his father's son....it helps his Father is the Sheriff alot of the time). He is loyal to a fault and though he has a hard time trusting most newcomers, once you are in he will literally follow you to the ends of the earth. He is a hopeless romantic, as shown with how he is with Lydia and even Malia. He loves deeply and thought he tends to be a fuck up at times he always finds a way to make things right. He keeps the others in line and helps everyone that needs his help. As the only human of the group he takes his job very seriously and is damn good at keeping the group together even when he personally feels like falling apart. I adore him to no end.

2) Most Relatable Character: Liam Dunbar

Reason: Liam is an adorable, scared and confused little rage monster. Unlike the others on the show who had a few seasons to get used to the world of the supernatural, Liam was still new to the world and was often left scratching his head wondering what the hell was going on. I can relate to that because even in real life I don't know what the hell is going on most of the time. He is also the most relatable because unlike the others on the show, he actually acts his age for the most part and wasn't forced to grow up as fast as the others. Honestly, for a young Beta wolf he can be the most human of them all at times. He likes to have fun, he likes to hang out with his girlfriend and play lacrosse. He marches to the beat of his own drum, which I do most of the time. Another thing I can relate to is having a short temper. While my temper is not nearly as bad as Liam's (who as Intermittent Explosive Disorder) I still get how hard it is to calm down once that temper is triggered.

3) Most Underrated Character: Isaac Lahey

Reason: Besides Derek, Isaac probably had the most growth of all the characters on the show before his exit from the show. He had to shoulder alot of pain and loss in his life starting with his mom leaving and his brother dying, then suffering from years of abuse at the hands of his father. After being turned by Derek, he felt empowered to help not only himself but others as well and did all that he could to help people in need. He even found it in him to forgive his father for abusing him for so long, which takes strength all on it's own. He went from being a scared and abused little boy to being a badass who did everything he could to help people he cared about and those who were unable to defend themselves. I see you Isaac, I see you and I appreciate you.

4) Most Overrated Character: Derek Hale

Reason: Ok before I start this, let me just says that I love Derek Hale ok? He is all kinds of sexy and has some good qualities but of all the people on the show he is also the most overrated. Ok hear me out here before you come at me. Throughout the series Derek is hyped up as this big bad Alpha dude. Yes, he turned a bunch of teens into wolves and helped them, and Scott, learn the ropes but when it came down to a fight most of the time he either made things worse or just didn't show up when he was needed the most (example when they were fighting the Nogitsune, Dread Doctors, Ghost Riders, Alphas). Most of the time it was Scott and his pack that ended up saving the day. Sure Derek helped gather intel but as far as fighting goes, he didn't really do much for such a "Big Bad Alpha" who threatened to rip people's throats out with his teeth. Hell he didn't even kill the bitch that murdered his ENTIRE family, nor did he kill the Darach...instead he slept with her. Wow Derek, just wow. He ran most of the time, went MIA alot of the time only to make a dramatic entrance and knock a few people around when Scott already had things under control. I love Derek but.....some big bad Alpha he was.

5) Least Favorite Character(s): Tied Kate, Gerard, and Victoria Argent

Reason: First of all, Kate....She got away with murdering an entire family (minus Derek, Laura, Peter and Cora) and then manages to cheat death by turning into a freaky ass werejaguar when Peter ripped her throat out. How?!?!?! No matter how much chaos she starts she still ends up getting away. How is she not dead yet? Jesus! She was a manipulative person and honestly one of the most toxic on the show besides her shady ass who I will talk about next.

Gerard was a piece of work. He brainwashed Allison into trying to kill her friends, he praised Kate for killing the entire Hale family, he tortured and killed innocent supernaturals simply for existing and used Jackson in his kanima form to carry out his shady agenda. He was also a hypocrite. He hates supernaturals yet relied on Scott to help take away his pain when he was sick and dying only to turn around and train a new generation of Anti-Supernatural hunters to do his bidding. He was a piece of shit.

Victoria Argent was the Matriarch of the Argent family and even when her daughter (Allison) and husband (Chris) wanted to actually help the innocent supernaturals she did everything in her power to make sure they felt like shit for wanting to help. She freaking tortured and tried to kill Scott for no other reason than he was a werewolf that was screwing her daughter and then made herself out to be a victim when Derek came to save Scott and he bit her a few times after she attacked him. She refused to turn and killed herself instead of facing the consequences her actions lead to (her turning into the very thing she hated, a werewolf).

6) Favorite Canon Pairing: Stydia (Stiles Stilinski and Lydia Martin)

Reason: From the beginning when you first see Stiles and Lydia interact on screen you start to root for the spastic nerd to win the heart of the most popular girl in school. Stiles always saw the real Lydia that she hid behind her popular facade. He saw how smart she was, how much she actually cared for people despite pretending like she didn't. He had been in love with her since the 3rd grade and even when they dated other people, that love never died. The closer they got as friends the more you wanted them to just end up together. Several seasons later and we finally hear them confess their love for each other and finally FINALLY get together. Praise be to all things Holy! Stiles and Lydia manage to balance each other out and anchor each other. When Stiles has panic attacks, Lydia is there to help calm him down. When Lydia gets overwhelmed by her Banshee powers, Stiles is there to help ground her. Stiles saved Lydia more times than I can count but she saved him too on more than one occasion. Stiles and Lydia have a love that is beautiful and pure. I see them lasting forever and they should even now that the show has been over for a while now. They are beautiful and they are my OTP. I could go on forever but I will just leave it here.

7) Favorite Non-Canon Ship: Scisaac (Scott McCall and Isaac Lahey)

[Close Call Honorable Mention: Sterek (Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale)]

Reason: Ok first of all this was a close race between my boys Scisaac and my boys Sterek but when I look back at both pairings, I love the purity of Scott and Isaac versus the almost toxic pairing that is Sterek. (I adore Sterek but come on! Looking back now they were hella toxic!) Now for Scott and Isaac they had their moments. They lived together and Scott always managed to find a way to help bring Isaac back to reality when he had moments where he would lapse into PTSD style symptoms and nightmares. They always had each other's backs and they always gave each other looks that went beyond that of just friendship. Hell Isaac even agreed with hearts in his eyes that Scott was the "hot girl". I believe that if these two had of both cut Allison lose and crossed the boundary of friendship into a romantic relationship they would have been just as strong as Stydia. A pure and passionate kind of love born out of genuine care for one another.

8) Least Favorite Pairing: Stalia (Stiles Stilinski and Malia Tate)

Reason: First of all their first hook up was in a freaking insane asylum so that right there is not a good start for any lasting relationship. Throughout their relationship, Malia took Stiles for granted and then had the nerve to get jealous when he paid more attention to Lydia (who he had been in love with forever at that point). Malia had the mindset of a child and was immature most of the time. Don't get me wrong, Stiles could be immature at time too but she brought out the worst in him. I don't dislike Malia. I actually like her as a character but not as Stiles's girlfriend. Plus this biggest reason I dislike this ship? It took longer for Stydia to finally happen. Let's not forget how she practically walked all over him.

9) Favorite Part/Moment: Lydia tells Stiles she loves him too.

Reason: Stiles had been taken by the Ghost Riders and everyone forgot who he was but before he was taken he told Lydia "Remember I love you." But she never got the chance to say it back before he and her memories of him were ripped away. When he finally came back there was a touching scene where Lydia said "I never got to say it back." And the two of them shared their first real kiss (not counting the kiss she gave him to stop a panic attack in a previous season). This was one of those moments that was several years long overdue and for us Stydia fans, we rejoiced when they finally got their shit together and actually became a couple. Praise!

10) Least Favorite Part/Moment: Allison is killed by the Oni

Reason: Allison Argent was a character you could sometimes love and hate at the same time. When they battled the Nogitsune and she sacrificed herself to the Oni to save Isasc, I sobbed like a baby. It was a way for the writers to write off the actress's character but one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series. It is my least favorite because Allison died. It was a beautiful farewell as she died in the arms of her first love (Scott) but I can't even think about it without sobbing.

Thank you for sticking with me. Until tomorrow! ❤

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Folklore Friday

(This is actually a repost of my first "Explain a Story Badly", since that one used to be connected to a Strange Magic Monday. It's an explanation of the first part of the epic poem Beowulf, strictly from memory when I hadn't read the full poem in a year or two. So. You, know. May not be 100% accurate.)

Warning: this very much contains spoilers for the first half of the story of Beowulf

So we have this Danish king, Hrothgar, in give or take 970-something a.d. or so? And he’s built this lovely new hall he calls Heorot. And to celebrate, he’s having big, loud parties in there several nights running.

Well not everyone in the neighborhood is thrilled about the new construction project. We’ve got this nasty piece of work over in the swamps named Grendel. Now, it could be that, grinch-like Grendel grows weary of the noise, noise, noise, noise. In which case, okay, that’s fair. Except his idea of making a noise complaint is to come in and start killing and eating sleeping warriors.

Grendel, no. That is not how we deal with our problems.

[[MORE]]

Well after this happens, Hrothgar and co bail out of Heorot, which is, you know, smarter than a lot of story types you’ll see. Like the mayor from Jaws.

And you don’t just have the neighbor sneak into your house at night and eat your soldiers without people hearing about it, so word spreads. And there’s this young guy named Beowulf, who’s a part of the Geats. (Germanic people group living in roundabouts Southern Sweden at the time). Now, Beowulf just....does things. He’s like the hometown hero and it is entirely possible that this guy once out-swam a sea monster for the sheer heck of it. (If I recall, and mind you it’s been a while since I read the poem, he was making some kind of formal boast at the time this particular anecdote came out so, you know, judge for yourself if he made that up).

So Beowulf hears about the Heorot Incident and his people are like “Hey, Hrothgar is a good guy. He helped out your dad, right, Beowulf? Wish we could help.”

And Beowulf essentially is like “hold my beer”.

So he and his gang sail over and set up camp in Heorot, making friends with Hrothgar and co, and generally making an ungodly racket to flush out the resident troll. So once all the civilians are like “I’m out, dude, hope you all live through the night”, they settle in, ready to throw down with an eldritch party-pooper. Beowulf, mind you, has decided to do this sans weapons (and in at least one version, sans clothes for some reason) because Grendel won’t be armed either and he’s going to make it a fair fight.

Our boy is apparently the Old English Goku.

Grendel shows up because of course he has to make his very obnoxious complaint about the noise, and eats one of Beowulf’s men. Who is not stated to have been awake for this so it was either super quick or he was super drunk. Considering how much mead was going around, either is possible. Then he decides Beowulf is next, except that guy is very much not sleeping.

He basically pops up like “Mblergh! It’s me!” and then tries to grapple the troll.

Evidently he had not been skipping arm day at the gym because he actually wins. Very literally disarms Grendel. Despite the fact that none of his soldiers’ swords could dent Grendel’s hide.

Once his arm’s off, Grendel does not stick around to fight, because it is not “merely a flesh-wound”, and he is losing a heck ton of blood. He goes off back to his ogre-swamp and dies in a cave. Because some human guy ripped his arm off with his bare hands. (Insult to injury if, like the above mention, he's a screaming naked man popping out of the shadows to rip your arm off).

So the next morning everyone is like “We only lost one guy! And we killed the monster!” and they hang Grendel’s arm up on the wall like the world’s tackiest wrestling trophy. Presumably they did something to preserve it or taxidermy it because the alternative is both gross and short-sighted. Also unsanitary, but what can you do.

End of the problem, right?

Apparently not.

So here’s the thing: Grendel was living with his mom. And she was pretty ticked off about Grendel coming home from a murder-outing minus one arm and coming down with a bad case of death. And she was especially displeased to learn that the humans were keeping her son’s arm on the wall. Which, I suppose, is fair. So she sneaks in on night on a little murder-outing of her own. She doesn’t find Beowulf in Heorot, because he’s in another house for the night, so she finds this one guy who was pretty close to Hrothgar and rips his arm off as revenge, and then books it back to the swamp. Don't ask me how she knew which guy to dismember, but apparently she knew some faces.

This does not sit well with the Danes and the Geats. Beowulf swims down to the bottom of the Local Murder-Swamp and finds the cave, where he promptly gets into a brawl with Grendel’s Mother. Only this time he brought weapons. Like his soldiers had already discovered, he quickly realizes that his sword is pretty much useless against Ma Grendel and her Very Tough Hide.

Conveniently, she has a sword hanging on the wall for No Particular Reason.

Even more conveniently, this particular sword is the only thing that can kill her, which begs the question of why she was using it as home decor. Beowulf promptly makes use of it and that puts an end to Ma Grendel’s very brief reign of terror. (Well actually, all the bodies in the cave suggest the reign of terror might’ve been a wee bit longer than originally suspected).

Then Beowulf finds Grendel’s body, but he’s not about to trust that the dude is actually dead (which is probably smart) and goes ahead and beheads him with the Special Sword. 

In the most convenient of plot twists, Grendel’s gross toxic blood melts the sword blade so he can’t ever use his awesome OP sword again. Sorry, Beowulf, no power-up for you.

He takes the hilt and the monster heads back to Hrothgar, who rewards him handsomely, and then goes on this long lecture about like, pride? and paying your people well or something? That’s basically all for Younger Beowulf’s adventures, because the next time we see him, there’s been a timeskip of about fifty years and he is having problems in his kingdom.

[wetalkinboutbooks]

An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: Laia is a slave. Elias is a soldier. Neither is free.

Under the Martial Empire, defiance is met with death. Those who do not vow their blood and bodies to the Emperor risk the execution of their loved ones and the destruction of all they hold dear.

It is in this brutal world, inspired by ancient Rome, that Laia lives with her grandparents and older brother. The family ekes out an existence in the Empire’s impoverished backstreets. They do not challenge the Empire. They’ve seen what happens to those who do.

But when Laia’s brother is arrested for treason, Laia is forced to make a decision. In exchange for help from rebels who promise to rescue her brother, she will risk her life to spy for them from within the Empire’s greatest military academy.

There, Laia meets Elias, the school’s finest soldier—and secretly, its most unwilling. Elias wants only to be free of the tyranny he’s being trained to enforce. He and Laia will soon realize that their destinies are intertwined—and that their choices will change the fate of the Empire itself. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We genuinely love this book series so much that our brains recircuit talking about it... all we can do is say if you’re looking for good fantasy with amazing characters and plot... this is it!

Check out the spoiler full review below~

The Good:

→ The Worldbuilding 

Kae: Worldbuilding baybeeeeee. I LOVE IT. Reading this series was such an eye opener for me. It was so far from the usual European magic and broomsticks, that I NEEDED MORE. So I kept reading lol. The worldbuilding in this series is fantastic. There are Efrits, Jinn, magic, and more. This world is set in a Romanish Empire/Pakistani fusion of cultures. You have the Scholars are the lowest caste of people, the Tribes which is basically just a step up from ScholarS, but they are free. Then we have the Plebeians and the Martials. All of these cultures are so well written and developed that you have no trouble differentiating what culture certain characters might belong to just based on their name. Ex: Afyah, Ilyaas = Tribes; Darin, Laia, Izzy= Scholars; Markus=Pleb; Helene, Elias = Martials. All very easy to distinguish, I think. 

We also have some magical beings who are more or less immortal. The Jinn and Efrits, the Nightbringer, Shaeva, the Augurs. They’re all linked to a literal higher power. 

We also have The Waiting Place, which is basically purgatory. But it’s where the dead go to be escorted to the next life. 

Geena: I deserve no rights because I've always loved the whole roman empire history shit, it was always the most interesting shit to learn about so when I read the synopsis like roman inspired… written by a SA woman… i LOST MY SHIT!!! AND LIKE KAE DESCRIBED Sabaa does an amazing job of weaving in magical elements too, and ugh….. Her mind… BUT ALSO WHAT I LOVED IS, something a lot of fantasy authors do is fall into a hole of introducing race politics (aka RACISM) based on skin colour, but Sabaa was like… Wait Ik how to format this

Tired: Fantasy world skin-colour based racism

Wired: Fantasy world-class system based beef 

Sabaa tackles the issue of class systems and so on, and she did it all from scratch and I fucking loved it, it was gratifying to see an author who put so much effort into her worldbuilding. Also… this is v dumb… but the whole detail with sending messages using drums….. I was here for it 

→ Laia and Elias 

Kae: They’re wonderful and need a hug

Geena: Sabaa made an executive decision to write two whole cinnamon rolls and she did! COMPLEX cinnamon rolls that we love from the bottoms of our hearts. We start off with Laia’s perspective as she waits for her brother in her room, but shit hits the fan real quick and the Martial empire’s elite soldiers storm their small home searching for her brother. We learn that her brother, Darin, has got his hands on top secret info and if he doesn’t turn it over they’ll murder everyone. Darin and Laia try to make a run for it but are apprehended by a Mask (Essentially an elite soldier) and they’re forced to watch their grandparents die, Darin tells Laia to run and get out of there and our girl… our girl listens but she has mad ragrets. We follow Laia as she stumbles to the Resistance, an underground Scholar organization that has mad beef with the Martial empire. There she’s tasked with acting as a slave to hands down, the WORST person in the empire, Keris Veturia. All of this in the hopes that the Resistance will help save her brother who’s been imprisoned in the most brutal prison in the empire. 

What I love about Laia is that she’s not perfect, she’s not an amazing fighter and strategist off the bat… she’s an 18/19 year old girl from an oppressed group that has no idea what’s going on and her only skill set is that of a healer. BUT!!! Throughout the book we get to watch Laia make mistakes and learn from them, all of which makes her stronger and smarter. She’s so determined 🥺 even when Keris is carving her initials into Laia’s chest, even when she’s brought to the brink of death, Laia sticks with her goal to find Darin no matter the cost. Anyways.. We stan…. THOUGH TO BE HONEST, when I had started reading it, her first few chapters were frustrating to read because I was like “why would you do that1!!!” but then I set the book down at one moment and thought about how I’d act in the same situation and I was like….. I would’ve fucked up and been killed like 10 pages ago so Laia is doing really well LMAO… and since then I’ve been ready to fight for Laia whenever I see people shit on her.  

Kae: BOOM! So Geena summed up Laia’s character/situation perfectly. WE STAN LAIA OF SERRA. Now, we’re gonna talk about our brooding, handsome boy, Elias aka Ilyaas. Elias, is WILDLY the son of Keris. Keris had a lil boo thang back in the day and got preggers. She did everything she could to terminate the pregnancy, but nothing worked. So she was forced to give birth to him. She fucked off to the desert tribes for a while and learned how to deliver a baby, so she could deliver her own. When the time came, Keris gave birth to Elias. She cared for him for about five minutes before she was like “Yeah, I’m not with the shits. Fuck this kid.” And she left Elias in the desert near the tribes so he could be raised with them. Years later, Elias was chosen by the Martials to attend Blackcliff. Blackcliffe is a school where the Martials train to become the most elite soldiers in this world. Elias trains and trains and is ultimately the top of his class. At a certain age, the students are given silver mask that will eventually completely fuse to their face. Elias hates his mask. He takes it off every night, so it still hasn’t fused to his face like the rest of his class. Elias also hates Blackcliffe and was planning on being a deserter. He had a bag packed and was fully prepared to leave. He was sad to leave his best friend and confidant, Helene, but he was RET TA GO. That is, until he was selected to compete in the Trials that would change his world forever. These trials are to select who is to rule the Empire. He gets this news, when Laia, Keris’s slave is sent to retrieve him. When he meets Laia, he is instantly smitten. He forgets himself, is smiling, shooting the breeze, asking her names, etc. Then realizes, he could get her in trouble just for being nice to her. So they move along. 

Elias is a very sweet boy who just got caught up in a lot of shit with the trails. Every day he spends at Blackcliffe is another day he hates himself. The kid (well he’s like 20), is just straight up MISERABLE. These trials are to rest his mind, power, and strength and all the usual. The last two winners in the end will be the ruler and the Blood Shrike, aka advisor. This is almost a good thing, because Elias is competing with Helene and if they both win, they can both rule. Things are going pretty well for them. They’re winning, it’s looking good. But then, Elias has to go against Helene and they both have to lead a small armada against one another. It’s either kill or be killed. In the end, he has to go against Helene . In the end, he and Helene reluctantly battle it TF OUT. Elias wins because Helene had to forfeit because she was wearing some magical armor that couldn’t be penetrated. Elias feels HORRIBLE. His friends are dead. He ALMOST killed his best friend. He feels ashamed and like a monster. If he hadn’t hated himself before (which he totally die), he SURELY hates himself now. Laia is then sent to his chambers/rooms as his prize. He’s meant to sleep with her, but he hates himself too much and he doesn’t want to take advantage of her. So they just talk and end up sharing a little smoochy smooch. But uh, ya boy is lowkey SPRUNG cause Laia is cute and she got them CHILD BIRTHING HIPS.

Geena: Kae got that *Chef’s kiss* Elias/Ilyaas summary I s2g. I loved Elias because he was honest to god such a refreshing character to read. Like he seems like the typical YA boy → Tall, dark, handsome, and brooding. BUT!!! He’s so different and in the best way possible. FIRST OFF!!! He actually has such a fulfilling childhood (no sad backstory other than learning his mom is an actual piece of shit rip…. More like sad present story). Secondly, he recognizes that what he’s doing is wrong and the way the Martials terrorize Scholar’s is garbage and he wants no part of it. THIRD, he doesn’t like to push his own trauma on those around him? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT WELL, but like he’s such an upstanding guy that treats people well no matter what? Also… he’s lowkey a dumbass… like Kae mentioned when he first met Laia his brain hit a reset and he was essentially like “Me name potato.” We love a hot dumb jock that chugs that respecting women juice. 

Kae: OMG HE’S A TALL, THINNER ALTAIR MINUS DICK JOKES. HE’S NASIR AND ALTAIR IN ONE.  ASDFGHJKL 

Geena: YEEEEAASSSSS (check out that review here). ALSO MY final thots on Laia and Elias that as a duo they’re amazing! Laia gives Elias advice when they’re stuck in his room together 🤪 and he finally chooses that he’ll do what HE wants and not what the empire wants. Elias, in turn, vows to help find and save Darin…. I love them sm they bring the best out of each other 😭 

→ Izzy ft. Helene’s One Singular Good Person Moment

Kae: IZZY! Izzy is the epitome is sugar, spice, and everything nice. Well, minus the spice because she’s really just a sweet little sugar plum. Izzy is also Keris’ slave. She’s around the same age as Laia if not a year or two younger. She’s very quiet and tries to keep to herself. But she finds herself secretly being friends with Laia and helping her when things are the absolute worst. When Keris carved her initials into Laia’s chest, Laia got really sick. Our girl had a crazy fever and Izzy was there to help her through it. Well, she got Elias and he got some herbs and shit, BUT IZZY HELPED. Though Izzy has been a slave her entire life, she has always wanted to be free of Blackcliffe and all of its horrors. So she works with Laia, sneaking out, and sometimes stealing, to make sure that can happen for the both of them. I should also mention that Keris took Izzy’s eye as a child. So Izzy is a small, skinny, fragile, one eyed sweetie. But all of her hardship doesn’t stop her from being such a genuinely good person. 

Geena: Izzy is such a sweet character who tries her best to not be friends with Laia, but people GRAVITATE to Laia (good and bad rip) so she didn’t hold out very long. My favourite scene with them was when they sneak out to participate in some yearly festival that is ~~illegal~~ such a sweet moment I lowkey died.  Moving on to Helene though, the poster child of brainwashed, patriotic, eating-propaganda-for-breakfast, and the second best Mask after Elias. Helene is also shown to have feelings for Elias so when Laia shows up she’s not pleased at all! And Elias himself is confused about his feelings and rip when he was like “Let me try to kiss Helene and see if I like her too” LIKE BOY…. DON’T PLAY HER LIKE THAT PLS…. BUT he doesn’t bc Laia is ATTACKED thus interrupting their moment and Helene is annoyed like “OFC IT’D BE THAT BINCH!!!” like Helene the poor girl was attacked by another walking bag of shit o my god… BUT!!! Near the end of the book when Elias and Laia are escaping Helene is the first one to catch them, but she lets them go! A turning point for her character maybe? Though I know for a fact she didn’t care about Laia, but was doing it bc she still cared for Elias and didn’t want to see him slaughtered no matter how much she’s a ride-or-die for the Martials. 

The Bad :  

→ The Scholar Resistance 

Kae: Is that what they were called? Because they HIGHKEY played tf out of Laia. Alright. The Resistance. They’re mean and I HATE THEM. The Resistance is a rebel movement by a few Scholars who are fighting for the freedom and equality or their people. Laia’s parents were like, the biggest, most badass leaders who have ever lead them. But after they died, things kind of fell apart for The Resistance. Laia, stumbles into their hideout after she runs away from home, after her brother was kidnapped and her grandparents were killed. She begs for them to help her and they’re basically like “Mmmm. No. But you look familiar tho… Who ya momma nem?” and she’s like “lol yeah actually my parents used to run this shit so help me.” And they help her… Kind of�� They basically send her ona  dummy mission. A SUICIDE MISSION to be the Commandant’s slave (Keris), to gather information about the Martials and their next plan. In return, they were to help free Darin. Laia was to gather info, then meet with Keenan (a boy in the Resistance) to give over said info every week. Well, they also chose not to tell Laia that she was basically on this mission for nothing. They had no real way to get Darin out of the prison he was being held at. They were really just sending her to die because they KNEW Keris was ruthless and that none of her slaves lasted more than a few months before they were killed or killed themselves. Long story short, FUCK The Resistance. They’re bitches and we HATE THEM. 

Geena: Kae’s right… the Resistance is a bunch of wrinkly ass losers that can kiss our asses. When it was revealed that the Resistance didn’t know SHIT about Darin and were just fucking with Laia…. I was ready to to go down to this place and fight them mySELF. Laia risked EVERYTHING to get them information, she survived for god knows how long under Keris and when she couldn’t come up with something substantial they’d be like “Oh well you’re fucking useless” as if she’s not the daughter of the Lioness aka the most fierce Resistance leader that they ever had. Also, Keenan (....) comes through in the end and offers her a way to break her slave cuffs and escape, but Laia decides that Izzy deserves that more than she does and that Laia would find her own way out… But also imagine the betrayal that Laia felt, the people that were supposed to keep her safe and help her were just screwing her over the whole time. But… despite everything that happens Laia is still her sweet self? Just like Ilyaas… both manage to maintain their humanity no matter the shit thrown at them. 

The Ugly:  

→ Keris’ tiny little mean ass 

Kae: Geena said that shit, baybeeee! Ugh, her MIIIIND. Alright. Now. Let’s talk about “The Bitch of Blackcliffe”. This woman. Evil, vile woman, is basically a 5’3, blonde hair demon. She has absolutely no patience. If you sneeze in the same room as her she’ll probs slit your throat and make a disgusted, disappointed face at you while doing it. She will tolerate NOTHING. You will not speak to her unless spoken to. I mean, this is a woman who wanted to look like so much of a badass that she thought being pregnant and delivering her own baby in a cave alone would make her look weak. I think that was actually pretty tough of her though because whew… I couldn’t do it.

Geena: She got back to her neanderthal roots

Kae: LMAOOO GIRL IM DEAD.But like,  in her youth, Keris went to Blackcliffe. As we heard from her father at some point, Keris was miserable there. She was taunted, picked on, and beat up (mind you she was the only girl at that school so that’s fucked up). She had absolutely no friends and had to fend for herself. So, to make up for it, Keris became ruthless. She became a heartless woman because people made her that way. I hate to be that person, but like, I get it? I can see why someone would become so coldhearted. She did not have a good life. Her mother died when she was young, her father wasn’t there, and she had no friends. I’m not surprised at all that she turned out to be such a horrible person as an adult. No, I’m not giving he an excuse. She had the option to be a good person and she didn’t choose that. But, yeah. That’s my take on her evil ass.  WHEW. OKAY DO YA THANG. 

Geena: TRUE, Kae’s right, Keris had that sad :( childhood :( but at the same time, it’s like… you didn’t have to continue being a dick like people were to you but here we are. Also, she’s genuinely such a terrible person and orchestrates the genocide of the Scholars and is a BITCH about everything. What I realize now is that…. She’s essentially Elias’s foil? Like neither had a solid father figure, both had a tough time growing up (with Elias missing his tribal home and being forced to murder, and Keris being bullied), but Elias does his best to break out of that cycle but Keris is like… *slurps up the shitty Martial mudwater*... she is the bootlicker supreme who finds joy at having her son beheaded (Helene is Bootlicker Lite because at least she let Elias live whereas Keris tried her best to get him killed) BUT JOKES ON THAT BITCH BC ELIAS LIVES!!!!  Elias would send Keris a crude drawing of himself like “I lived bitch!” 

Anyways, she’s an extremely well-written villain else we wouldn’t hate her so much lmao…

Conclusion 

Kae: In conclusion, we fuck with it. I loved this series so much, I read the first three books in one week and was heartbroken to find out that the fourth book wasn’t out yet. YA GIRL IS ATTACHED TO THESE CHARACTERS, OKAY!???? An Ember in the Ashes is a wonderful, extremely well written book. I think Sabaa is a literal genuis. This book made me fall in love with reading all over again. I think the characters are so individually different, it’s amazing. They are well distinguished and independent of each other. They are strong and sweet and funny and evil. Just all around AMAZING as well as the folklore, stories, and cultures that are presented to the audience. 

Geena: yyyeeeaaaass the care that Sabaa Tahir put into this book, ranging from how each character is written to the intricate worldbuilding got a bitch tearing up, BECAUSE ONE DAY I WISH TO WRITE THIS WELL!! An Ember in the Ashes draws you in from the first page, and I litcherally say this for every book we’ve reviewed but there’s NEVER a dull moment (I need a new phrase lmao) you are constantly stressed reading this book (in a good way) and there’s like 2 more books after… and the last book in the series on the way. BLEASE READ Ember, because Kae and I have spent our whole time talking SCREECHING about this book. THINKING ABOUT IT, WITHOUT EMBER WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS BLOG LMAOOO  

Kae: OKAY BUT LIKE. LITERALLY. WE STARTED TALKING AND BECAME REAL GOOD FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK. LIKE, WITHOUT EMBER, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED. SO THANKS, SABAA. 

Geena: WE LOVE YOU, SABAA!!

Kae: And I guess that concludes today’s book rant/review! I hope you all enjoy our ramblings and more! 

[bylerly]

Sis it was trash. The acting was amazing but that’s about it. They ruined Mike and Wills friendship big time, not even gonna get into shipping lol. Also Finn and Noah I’m sorry sweeties, your characters were reduced to nothing lol

MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS under cut.

i’m just going to put what I didn’t like here, to get my negativity out of the way.

the monster was beyond disappointing. the mindflayer, in both its physical and mental forms, was WAY better/scarier than this one. I’ll give this one gore points, sure, but…. god. it just seemed lazy

the complete and utter sidelining of Lucas & Will, and the continuing crappy Mike plot. that was possibly the most infuriating part for me. let me just go into more detail with each one…

I liked that Mike got called out for his shitty behavior because it was needed, for him & those he was being a dick towards, even unintentionally. but after that… he just…. didn’t do too much. I mean, he got better treatment than Lucas and Will this season, and he got some of his leadership qualities back, which was good. but the character is just…… still. resigned to be secondary, and spent so much of this season being so unlikable.

Lucas has deserved better from the start. he had a couple cool moments this season, but nothing like I was hoping. he was sidelined (his moments early on with Max were great tho) as usual, not being given any substance in his own plot. i am just so exhausted with his writing.

Will. oh my g o d. they mutilated his character. he was resigned to only being the friend feeling left out, which started out okay. that scene with castle byers was peak cinema. but then… what the fuck ????? they acted like his psychic connection was going to be a big plot for him, but it only mattered for like 2 seconds. once he told his friends that night in the woods, it stopped being useful. he could tell them that the mindflayer/upside down presence was close, but it was in moments when they could already tell. and then… nothing. he had a few useful things to say about his experience with the MF, but once shit hit the fan in the second half… he wasn’t given anything to do. his character went nowhere. Will has SO MANY POSSIBILITIES, and it felt like the duffers literally forgot about him, then just wrote him into the background of some scenes. remember when we thought there would be a big revelation or twist with him this season…. hahaha funny, the duffers said fuck will rights….. and yes, they completely and utterly destroyed his friendships this season. noah acts circles around so much of the cast, but he was so reduced this season, it was embarrassing

billy. FUCKING BILLY. he was given SO MUCH FUCKING SCREEN TIME trying to get us to feel sorry for him, to get us to empathize. I don’t, and I’m furious that the duffers took away valuable screen time from characters who could’ve used it (see the three characters I just mentioned). I didn’t care. I’m glad he’s dead so it won’t happen again, but he got so much excessive screen time. Dacre did fine. but i will never not be bitter that this was the season of fucking Billy.

what happened to 5/6 being insane and badass? there were some good moments. but nothing that blew me away.

the comedy was so awkward in a lot of parts, was this just me??? it felt like they were trying way, way too hard. the only times the humor hit was when the actors made choices that made it hit. it wasn’t really the writing.

just as suspected…. the scoops troop was a low tier grouping for me. i want to love Erica…. but i just. don’t. it’s cool that they went the nerdy route with her, and Priah did a good job. there are just so many characters that are already being underdeveloped, and her plot with the other three didn’t do much for me besides minor comic relief (mostly from Joe).

Alright, I thought everyone was already predicting Hopper’s “death”? was I the only one seeing that coming from twenty miles away?

That post credits scene… was that supposed to be shocking in any way? A fucking demodog? okay thanks lmao (”not the American” - is that Hopper in that cell?)

Kind of tying into my first point…. nothing about the monster or Billy’s plot was interesting to me. Nothing. It garnered some great acting from the cast, but that was it. The scenes lingered way too long and so much of it was rehashed and, again, booooooring.

The Jancy stuff was…. disappointing, just in that it was underwhelming. I like their dynamic, and that they did way more with the kids this season. It was a step up from s2, yes. But it was still less than I hoped.

The amount of flashbacks, either from other seasons or even the episode before…. so unneccessary. it was like they were trying to fill in gaps where they had nothing else to put. and it’s insulting that they think the audience is THAT dumb

I felt like there was a… lack of depth? that they wrote the season to try and be as shocking and crazy visually and plot-wise as possible, that little nuanced moments and character emotions that make the show so good were virtually gone.

Okay, I saved this for last because I KNOW I’m going to get shit for this, but this is just my opinion. …El got way, way, way too much of the plot and screen time in s3. I adore her, and i know she’s technically the “main” character. But… every other scene was her, or centered around her. Characterization of other characters was at an all time low, or even moved backwards, but everything was centered around hers. It would be one thing if other kids were seen as well (i.e. last season, where her own screen time was obviously high, but other kids got a little room, too), but her own plot made up about 95% of the kids’ (minus dustin, who I don’t consider to be in the other kids’ plot line this season). It’s officially turned into the “El and the other kids” show, which leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth. Probably because I saw it coming, but didn’t want to believe it. Season 3 was literally the Eleven and Billy Show imo

I’ll put things I enjoyed (smaller list) in another post at some point, but I need to decompress.

[anythingstephenking]

The Morally Grey Mile

Strap in for another grim tale. At least men are the ones getting fucked in The Green Mile, amirite ladies? No, still not cool? Ok then.

I suppose it is a disservice to call The Green Mile solely a “grim” tale, but because the core story focuses on an innocent man headed to the electric chair, it is pretty damn grim. If you haven’t read the book you’ve seen the movie but spoilers anyway - the innocent man dies and it sucks for the reader. It’s certainly more complicated than “bad wins” but a real bummer all the same.

Backing up a bit. The Green Mile was King’s first attempt at a serialized story release. In the book’s forward, King tells us it’s story of inception. Through a series of fortuitous events and a conversation with business associates about Charles Dickens, King concocted the idea to release a story in a series of “chapbooks”. Apparently Dickens released some of his stories that way, and they were so fervently popular that a band of dingdongs pushed each other off a dock and drowned while awaiting a shipment of Dickens into Baltimore Harbor. I imagine if the Harry Potter books were released that way I would have ended up in the harbor too. No judgement, zealous Dickens readers, I get it.

Logically, if it worked for 19th century Dickens, it would surely work for 20th century Stephen King, right? 

(cue Mr. Burns fingers). 

A single book released in installments monthly, garnering 3-4x the cost of a single paperback. Good for you SK, good for you. Cause turns out, the constant reader ate it up and bought ‘em like hotcakes.

Cause that’s the thing - this is a really really good story. Not because it’s beautifully written like Cujo or Firestarter or mind-bending like The Dark Tower books, but because it is a real page turner. I credit the format for that - you can tell it was written in a plot-driven, cliffhanger kinda way. In the same way serialized TV (before binging took this joy away) would leave you wanting more week to week, The Green Mile leaves each installment in a way where you can’t imagine not picking up the next one.

Per my contractual agreement with myself, I am required to reach each and every page of this story, but I’m a strange bird and the rest of the world isn’t a weirdo like me. At the end of the day, the narrative structure here really works and I plowed through all 6 installments in a day or so. Those reading in real-time (and not binging like me) waited a month between each publishing, from March through August 1996. There was no dock delivery in Baltimore in 1996 but I imagine if there was, the crowd waiting for each would be large.

So the narrative approach works, but what about the story itself? My analysis comes back slightly muddy but mostly positive despite some hard to swallow flaws.

I can’t claim to know what death row would have been like in 1932, but I’ve watched enough PBS documentaries to know what it’s like now. The group held at Cold Mountain are described as killers, yes. As rapists and wife beaters and arsonists. But they also come across like a rag-tag group of buds that should have their own reality TV show. One of the prisoners, Del, raped and murdered a young girl then accidentally killed a bunch of other people trying to cover his tracks by setting the building on fire. But he’s got this cute, somewhat supernatural mouse named Mr. Jingles that does tricks. Ain’t it cute? Then he fries and literally catches on fire in the electric chair.

I understand the intention of the tale - humanity lives in all of us. Empathy shouldn’t be reserved just for some. Death is final and it comes for all of us. What I struggled with was trying to understand if this was blatant reference to King’s personal stance on the Death Penalty (against it, obvs) or something more subtle. Should we take away that killing is wrong no matter what? Or that there is more nuance at play here?

Because there’s more happening on the green mile than just murderers dying (no matter how dramatically) in the chair comically nicknamed “ol’ sparky”. We’ve got John Coffey in chains, convicted of raping and murdering two 9 year old girls. JFC. I just can’t.

But he did, and he will die for his crimes. Here’s where the controversy around this novel begins. John Coffey is a large black man with magical powers. Spike Lee specifically calls out King publicly for this “magical negro” trope, which honestly I can’t disagree with. Dick Halloran from The Shining and Mother Abigail from The Stand fall neatly in this bucket as well. But even as I type this I know I am cherry-picking; I’ve read plenty of King stories with mystical beings and they’re mostly white (or more often other worldly). But King’s repeated use of the n-word and other racial slurs in his writing is real cringeworthy. As I move further towards his 21st century writing I keep hoping this will stop. It hasn’t yet, as of 1996. But King and writing about race is an entirely separate post for another day.

Back to The Green Mile; we learn that John Coffey has special healing powers when he cures the head guard, Paul Edgecomb of a UTI by grabbing his crotch. Normally this type of behavior will get ya thrown in the hole, but Paul’s so grateful he lets it slide.

Once we learn of the healing powers of Coffey, it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to solve the mystery. While getting arrested he cries “I tried to stop it but it was too late.” Everyone involved in the investigation assumes he means he tried to stop himself from murder but couldn’t; anyone with half a brain can deduce that someone else killed the girls; he tried to heal them. He was too late.

We’re set off to learn who really murdered the girls, but this revelation takes a backseat, at least in my mind. For me, the big mystery is; will John Coffey get executed? I’ll be honest, I hadn’t seen this movie, so I didn’t know. The phone the governor used to phone in stays-of-execution was mentioned early, so my Chekhov’s Gun senses lead me to believe it was possible. Why bother if not? Well the phone is mentioned at execution time, only to say it won’t ring. And of course it never really was a question - Coffey is a black man in the south, convicted of murdering two girls in 1932. Of course no one’s coming to save him. It’s sad. Real sad.

We’re given solace in the fact that Coffey claims he’s ready to go - his powers are too much and he’s tired. This is a nonsense cop out that provides relief to all those that understand the truth, allowing them to go on living, loving their wives and kids and casseroles. John Coffey should not have died. The end. 

Things are wrapped up in a bow with the end stories of everyone involved and their timely and untimely deaths. I guess that’s it; life sucks, then you die; death can come for you in any way, without discrimination.

I earmarked what is one of my favorite lines I’ve encountered so far in King’s work.

“We had once again succeeded in destroying what we could not create.”

Executing anyone (murderer or not) takes a toll on most of the prison staff. I just loved this so much on so many levels; they are men without the ability to create life; they are not god; they are mortals stealing mortality. So beautiful.

So, it’s no stretch to call this the brother of Shawshank, but at least we get a female character in Paul Edgecomb’s wife. I don’t remember her name so that’s not great. But she was a woman and she at least was there, so it gets knocked up a few rungs from Shawshank IMHO.

I’d have to say this is one King novel that really perplexed me. I suppose I got into the routine of enjoying typical good-vs-evil tales where the good guys eventually overcome. For me, The Green Mile wasn’t green at all but a wavering shade of grey I still can’t see properly.

(Side note: As I sat down to write this, I thought to myself “I’m not sure what I’ll say about The Green Mile.” Turns out, quite a bit, this is probably one of my longest entries. Who knew?)

8/10

First Line: This happened in 1932, when the state penitentiary was still at Cold Mountain.

Last Line: I know that, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long.

Adaptations:

Like it’s brother Shawshank Redemption, I had never seen this movie before. It made it’s run through awards season in 1999, mostly for Michael Clarke Duncan’s portrayal of John Coffey. Who later tragically died of a heart attack with his girlfriend Omarosa (of Trump WH fame) which I didn’t know, but good golly, that is another sad story for another day.

Listen, this is a highly regarded movie that’s on many top lists, so I won’t stab into it too hard. But it is SO LONG.

Frank Darabont got his panties all in a bunch when folks told him a 3 hour running time was too long, claiming that if 2 hours was the correct length of a film that cinema classics like Lawrence of Arabia were invalidated. Well guess what? I’ve seen Lawrence of Arabia, and yes that shit is too. damn. long. As is The Green Mile.

One would think that with 3+ hours of material, the character development would be on point. It’s not really; the prisoners are mostly glossed over (even more so than in the book) as lovable murders. Wild Bill is the exception (overacted by Sam Rockwell), and he serves as the sole real “bad guy”. 

Edgecomb and his other prison guards are painted as saints (again, minus one guard who takes on the “bad guy of the good guys” role). If the book was grey the movie is much more black and white. Tom Hanks for president for sure, the guy is a national treasure. But they were one step away from giving him an actual halo. As someone complicit in the murder of an innocent man, I just can’t declare his character for sainthood. The real Tom Hanks, a million times yes. Paul Edgecomb? Nah.

The movie is fine. I approve of Darabont’s relationship with King and have thoroughly enjoyed their previous collaborations. I was sad to see that he let his film rights to The Long Walk expire last year, picked up by New Line and James Vanderbilt (of Vanderbilt fortune... old money... sigh) who penned Zodiac, which leaves me slightly hopeful but assume it’ll trickle back into development limbo for the remainder of eternity.

I’ve already finished my next read, Desperation and after I slog through the 2.5 hour ABC miniseries (UGH) I will keep trucking. New Year, more pressure placed on myself to plow through the back half of King’s bibliography.