#here is me crossing finger again that i’m not annoying anyone with my mention list xd

[sinvulkt]

I GOT NEMO

This makes me so happy : D

I put a lot of effort making this with @ash--00 (took us what, more than one full day?). So I’m gonna consider this a tumblr game. And summon the whole party to play :3.

If you’re interested to watch the tv serie when it will come out though beware that some of the character descriptions contain spoilers. Otherwise, the descriptions may be fun enough without having seen the serie - i hope!

Tagging : @cinderfeather @yatsukisakura @bluntblade @tramp-fiction @purpleopossum @starmahgalaxies @purple-iris @tonhalszendvics @retciwrites @vandervoiz @insertmeaningfulusername @pebblish @pat-the-togorian @linzerj @kgjhk @fanfictasia @kefalion @doctorgeekery @asteral-feileacan @dreaminghour @beewaggle @dirtkid123 @ravenite-void @kuraiarcoiris @mamashenanigans @fancyfrey @hylianengineer @silvercaptain24 @omaano @piroporopi @mina-jamsin-derulo @trickstress333 @starr234 @sarcasticfirefighter @numerousbees1106 @akizumy @25centsoda @udekai @unlikecharlie @beguilewritesstuff @lusseia @azzzryel @insecateur @allen-kunekune @thespiritualmultinerd @angst-buritto-wips-writing @makaronik @mckiwi @exomal

WELCOME TO THE NAUTILUS CHARACTER QUIZ

Beware that several character results spoil their role and fate in the serie, if you haven’t seen it yet. (Go watch it)

There are 15 questions in total, and 19 characters. We did our best to align each character to each answer from our interpretation of them, but please don’t take the results too seriously. This aim to be a light-hearted personality quizz.

So, which Nautilus character are you? :3

[cazzyvintage]

A Freudian Slip - The Sequel

Synopsis: Zemo was always getting on your nerves. Yes, he was hot and god you were attracted to him but he was also your enemy. After what happened last night you were trying your best to pretend it never happened however Zemo isn’t willing to let you do that.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings/Tags: FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE, Smut, Oral sex, Fingering, Slight fluff, mentions of guns

Author's note: You guys really liked ‘the Freudian Slip’ and I’ve had a few requests to write a sequel, so here I am. This is my first time attempting to write smut for all y'all who are horny for Zemo so um hopefully it’s good. IF YOU KNOW ME NO YOU DON’T

My Master list

“Madripoor knows how to give New York a run for its money,” Sam says as they walk past all these containers.

“They know how to party,” Zemo replies, walking up beside you. His arm grazes against yours, making you tense. Picking up your pace, you reach Bucky and leaving Zemo behind.

Last night you might have made the worst mistake of your life. You had made out with Zemo.

Zemo!

The man that was a terrorist. The man who had caused the Avengers to split up. You hated him! You had to hate him. Right?

Yet when you glance over to him, you can’t help feel warm inside. Goosebumps crawl up your skin as you hear him speak. That accent of his drove you wild. You want to kiss that smirk off his face when he looks at you. His brown eyes bearing into yours. He made you feel alive. He made you feel all hot and bothered. He made you feel confused.

Earlier at Sharon’s party, you were watching him. Usually, you like a party, but this time you held back. Zemo looked around for you, but he eventually gave up and danced on his own. You smiled as you watched him have fun. For those moments he seemed so innocent. You wanted to join him dancing, but Sam and Bucky were already suspicious of you and Zemo. Why it had taken you two so long to reach them after you split up. You had to distance yourself from him. No matter how hard you found it.

You swallow, pushing away the thoughts of you and him as you tried to focus back on the mission at hand.

You arrived at the crater, and Sharon handed you all earpieces to wear. Placing it in your ear and head into the crater. It was pitch black in there, making you stop to try to see anything.

Zemo was following up behind you, and as you stopped walking, he walked into you. You stiffened, feeling his body press up against yours. His arm reaches around, squeezing yours as he moves beside you. Though you couldn’t see him, you just knew he was smirking at you.

Zemo pulled out a flashlight. He shone it in your eyes to annoy you before shining it forward to see the end of the crater. He walked forward, touching the wall, then pushed it. The wall moved, revealing it as a door as music flooded the room. He glances back at you, Sam and Bucky as you all pull out your guns. Sam and Bucky head in and you follow them as Zemo keeps the door open for you. His hand rested on the dip of your back as you walked past, but you shook it off. He turned to stare at you, but you continued to walk ahead, not giving him a second glance.

The song ‘Comin home baby’ plays out of a record as you enter. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you glance around where you were. Rounding the corner, you finally see the man you had been looking for. He was quietly singing along, unaware of the people approaching him from behind. Sam and Bucky questioned him while you and Zemo held back.

You were just there for backup you didn’t want to get involved. Your eyes sneak back to admiring Zemo though, and you wonder just how involved you were. Zemo’s eyes snap to yours as he notices you staring, and he tilts his head at you, his thin lips sneaking up in a curl.

You look away, staring ahead, willing your cheeks to stop blushing.

As Sam and Bucky continued to interrogate the doctor, Zemo walked around the area. You kept trying to see what he was doing while at the same trying to make sure Zemo didn’t notice you.

Sharon runs into the room at that moment, “Guys, we’ve got to go”

Zemo quickly raises his hand, showing a gun he had found, and shoots the doctor dead.

“NO!” both you and Sam shouted, looking at Zemo in shock. Sam crashes into Zemo, holding him against the wall to stop him from shooting anyone else. You rush over and prize the gun out of Zemo’s hand, chucking it to the floor.

Before you got another moment to think, the whole crater exploded. You were flung back down, hitting your head against the floor. Searing pain crossed the back of your head and you let out a yelp of pain.

Groaning, you raised your hand to your head. Pulling it back, you see your hand covered in blood.

“Shit” you mutter trying to wipe your hand on your clothes.

You felt arms wrap around you, pulling you off the floor. You blink, trying to get the dust out of your eyes as the arms guide you out of the rubble. Finally, in the sunlight, you realize Zemo has his hands on your side pulling you along. Just as you two left the remains of the building, it explodes behind you.

“Are you okay?” Zemo questions as he turns you around to look at him. His eyes glanced up and down you in worry as he takes in the extent of your injuries.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Zemo, were they still in there!?” you ask anxiously as you look back to the burning building.

“They’ll be fine, come we need to go,” Zemo insisted, grabbing a hold of your hand again pulling you along. Your head still seized with pain making you trip slightly, but you kept it together.

“Where the hell are we going?” you ask but Zemo doesn’t answer he just keeps running and pulls you up onto a crater.

“Zemo!” you exclaim in annoyance, then your eyes widen as he pulls something out of his pocket.

“What the fuck is that”

“My mask, ”

“Your what now? Since when have you had a mask!” you question, looking at him confused.

“I’ve always had one. Now you need to duck” he ordered, looking over the edge of the crater.

“Why should I do that”

He rolls his eyes and wrenches you down, “Can’t you listen to me for once y/n'' he exclaims. He then grabs your gun and heads to the front of the crate wearing his mask. He shoots a pipe, and it explodes, sending a shock wave through you. You collapse to the ground feeling faint from the blood loss and Zemo rushes back to you.

He puts his hand on the back of your head to help you up, and his eyes widen when he pulls his hand away to see blood covering it.

“Why didn’t you say something” he angrily muttered.

“I’m fine” you groaned, but the black spots you could see in your vision said otherwise.

Zemo wrapped one arm under your legs and the other under your back and picked you up. He held you close to his chest as he ran forward holding you in his arms,

After a few minutes, he helps you stand up, letting you lean on him. You hated how dependent you were on Zemo at this moment, but a darker side of you enjoyed being this close to him. Leaning against a crate, you watch as Zemo finally pulls off his mask and opens one crate. Your eyes widen in shock as you watch him ride out in a car.

He gets out and opens the passenger seat door for you. Putting one arm around your waist and making you wrap your arm around his shoulder. He guides you to the car and helps you in. Both of you don’t speak. He knew you were too embarrassed to, and at this moment he didn’t want to push you.

Driving along you two picked up Sam and Bucky, who were thankful for seeing you alive. The car drive lasted a few hours, but eventually, you arrived at a new city where Zemo had a place you could stay.

Zemo got out of the car to help you out, but by this time you're determined to not rely on him. You pushed the door open, swung your legs out, tried to stand up, and almost fell over, but Bucky grabbed you.

“She needs medical help,” Zemo demanded as he opens the door to the house to let you in. Bucky excuses himself for a walk as Sam and Zemo help walk you into the building. They guide you to the sofa and lay you down. Sam finds some bandages to apply to your head while Zemo pours out some whiskey for you.

“To get rid of the pain,” he says, handing it to you. He sits beside you, gently putting his hand over the bandage on your head.

“Watch it” Sam growls glaring at him,

“My apologies,” Zemo quipped, removing his hand and your heart sinks a bit as he moves away.

With the pain easing, you eventually drift off into a light sleep. You don’t know how long you slept for, but when you woke up and looked around the room, you were in was empty. Feeling stronger, you stand up and start looking around the room. You notice a door off to the side where you could hear running water. Heading towards it, you gently knock on the door.

The water stops, and the door opens slightly to reveal Zemo on the other side. As he sees you, he opens the door and pulls you into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

“I-I didn’t mean to come in here, I just wanted to see who was around” you mutter as your eyes flicker up and down Zemo. He was currently dressed in a bathrobe, and from the way it looks, not much else. Your eyes focused on the necklace that hung around his neck. How low the bathrobe dipped, exposing a part of his chest. You felt your core warming up and your mind filled with thoughts.

Zemo chuckles as he watches your eyes run up and down him, “Liking what you see?”

You freeze, bringing you back to reality. “N-no” you say, turning around trying to open the door but Zemo wraps his arms around you pulling you to him. He leans his face into your neck kissing it making your eyes flutter shut and let out a slight moan.

“How's your head?” Zemo asks, pulling back from you and raising his hand to touch the bandage.

You turn your head slightly, looking at him annoyed. Hopping from trying to seduce you to a casual conversation as nothing happened.

“I’m fine”

“Well, forgive me darling for not believing you but last time you said that you weren’t”

“I feel better...thank you for helping me”

“Anytime darling” he whispers in your ear. As his body presses into you, you could feel near your ass a bulge pressing against you.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” he then asks

“I haven’t” you quickly reply. He turns you around and pushes you against the door, tilting his head and staring intently

“Don’t lie to me y/n”

His serious glare makes you feel fuzzy, makes you feel warm but also angry at him. He knows very dam well why you have.

“Because Zemo, you are supposed to be a bad guy. Someone I should hate! I shouldn’t be doing thinking things of you”

He leans towards you, his lips grazing yours, “Such as?”

You pause for a moment, knowing you shouldn’t step over this line, but you just can’t help it.

“Fucking you”

“Oh? Such dirty thoughts. I thought you were above such things.” Zemo purrs

“Stop teasing me!” You whine. You try to lean forward to capture his lips but he leans back, putting his finger on them.

“Ah y/n, I want you to make a promise before we get anywhere”

“What”

“Please...don’t ignore me”

You look into his eyes and for once it was like the mask he always wore, of a self-absorbed man slipped away. You were staring into the eyes of a desperately lonely man.

“I promise, but Sam and Bucky can’t know”

Zemo grins, his teeth flashing. “I won’t tell if you don’t”

His lips crash onto yours, hungrily pressing against them. You open your mouth as his tongue explores yours. His hands wander up and down your body, pressing hard against your skin. He roughly grabs your arms and pushes you over to the sink. He picks you up and places you onto it. His lips leave yours, trailing down your jaw and neck.

His fingers venture downwards as well, slipping past the hem of your trousers. He moves them down past your underwear and slips into your private parts. You gasp as his fingers graze over your clit. The feeling sending shivers through you. You can feel Zemo smirking against your skin as he leaves a hickey against your collarbone. You grasp his hair, tugging on it, making him moan into your skin.

He removes his hands from you and grasps a hold of your trousers, pulling them off. He quickly pulls down your underwear while you remove your shirt. You attempt to grasp his bathrobe, but he ducks down.

He slowly parts your thighs, trailing kisses along them as he moves closer to your core. Your legs felt like jelly, as you expected him. He chuckles looking up to you, “So needy for me” he jested before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking.

You chuck your head back, moaning in pleasure as warmth floods your core. Your hands grasp his hair, holding him tightly as he continues to lick and suck at your clit.

“Be careful Y/n, these rooms are not soundproof” he says, releasing his lips from you but you are beyond the point of caring. You wrap your thighs around his head, pushing back to you.

His fingers touch your core, finding it soaked where they easily slip inside. You moan at the feeling of his fingers stretching you out. He pumps them in and out of you at a rapid rate while his tongue twisted on your clit, eliciting moans out of you.

“Zemo” you gasp as you felt your limit coming. “Zemo I’m going to-” you break off, unable to finish the sentence as you finally release as you see stars.

After a few moments, you are brought back to reality as you can feel Zemo run his tongue up your core drinking you in. He pulls back from you and stands up. His eyes trailing up and down your body as you lie there recovering from your pleasure. “So beautiful” he whispers.

You reach forward, grabbing a hold of his bathrobe and tugging it down his body till he wasn’t covered anymore. He swiftly moves over to a draw, pulling out a condom wrapper. Tearing it open with his mouth, he pulls the condom out and slips it onto himself.

His hands reach out to you, wrapping them around your body, pulling him closer to you. He rests his head on your shoulder as he pushes into you. You moan loudly in his ear as you feel him enter and cling to him, dragging your nails up and down his back. He grunts as he thrusts into you. Moaning as you squeeze your legs tighter for him. He trails kisses on your shoulder, gently biting a part of your skin.

“Y/N” he breathes, pulling back from your shoulder and claiming your lips again.

He pulls back from your lips and smirks at you teasingly, “Are you going to call me daddy again?”

You flush bright red remembering that night, “Damn you” you rasp out

He chuckles, leaning back towards your ear, “I don’t mind if you do”

At that moment he hits a certain spot within you, making you cry out. “There Daddy, please” you gasp and he complies, attempting to hit the spot again within you. His hands sneak back down and rub your clit, making jolts of pleasure run through you.

You feel yourself coming to another release, making you tangle your hands in his hair. You let it all out, seeing stars. After a few more thrusts, Zemo slows down and lets out a moan.

You two stay like that for a few minutes, just holding each other. Eventually, Zemo pulls back, pulling his condom off. He brushes the hair away from your face and gently places a kiss on your lips.

“You were great darling”

Tag list: @ineffablebean

Tagging who asked and showed interest in a sequel: @breakfastatlenas @prestigious-tea

[mochi-ficz]

the boyz' bedroom roles

how i imagine the boyz' role(s) when making love with you

it's me, your favorite horny bastard with something else tbz related because honestly?? i'm just a slut for tbz fanfiction as of recent. obviously, these are all strictly my opinions, but i feel like i should clarify that anyways. these are all genderless because gender is a social construct 😌 moving on

genre: smut, some fluff in certain parts

includes mentions of (oh god this is going to be a long list): praise kink, degradation kink, pet names, bdsm, torture, dacryphilia, brat taming, experimentalism, exhibitionism, brief mention of a threesome, cockwarming, cock slapping, sex toys, restraints, marking, forced submission, somnophilia, casual sex, vanilla sex, teasing, wax play, blindfolds, orgasm denial, cum eating, spit swallowing, spanking/whipping, katoptronophilia, face sitting, edging, overstimulation, milking

i think that's all the mentions/warnings, please let me know if you noticed i missed something!

a/n: the gifs are just some of my favorites, i really don't have a theme for them lol.

sangyeon!

i feel like it goes without saying at this point, if you follow me or keep up with me at all, you know i worship the idea of this man being a service top. i will continue to live under the belief that sangyeon is the service top.

my reasoning being that sangyeon is very warm and caring, and would love to please you any way he can, including sexually. sangyeon is so eager to please, and will cater to your every need accordingly. if you want him to be your little pain slut, he's more than willing. if you want him to fuck you senseless until you can barely form sentences and can't even remember what was troubling you to begin with, he'll do that too.

sangyeon truly lives to make you happy. this baby loves to be rewarded though, so please be sure to praise him for doing such a good job, and reward him with plenty of kisses and cuddles. it's also a reward for you because you get to see his angelic smile.

jacob!

honestly, i see jacob as a switch. i think jacob would be the perfect angelic sub, taking the pain you give him and taking your cock (whether fake or real) so well. jacob would look absolutely beautiful with tears decorating his cheeks, eyes glossed over with pleasure.

however, this little bitch is also a very good dom. any trace of that angelic sub i mentioned previously is gone. jacob is naturally musically inclined and would love to hear your beautiful voice scream his name as he drives you wild.

he loves to try new things with you as well, regardless of who is receiving it. honestly, you each feed off each other's happiness, and at the end of the day, jacob is still satisfied knowing you're happy as well.

please just be respectful with him, and treat him like the king he is. jacob knows his worth and won't settle for being used.

younghoon!

ABSOLUTE ANGEL. younghoon would be an amazing sub, despite being very large and looking somewhat intimidating at first. younghoon loves to be pleasured and rewarded for his good behavior. sometimes he'll try to tease you, but he would end up getting embarrassed, and you'd smile down at him as you notice the cutest little pink blush settling across his cheeks.

younghoon would also look beautiful with tears streaming down his face, and making the most sinful noises for you. this sweet baby loves your touches and will cum for you as many times as you want him to.

he loves bonding with you too. in any way possible. i feel like he's the member that would be the most down for cockwarming, regardless of which of you is giving or receiving. at the end of the day, he just wants you to hold him and wipe the tears from his eyes while you tell him how pretty he is and how good a job he did.

hyunjae!

brat #1. hyunjae does not want to be your sub willingly. he'd rather die than let you take him down easily. you'll have to use force if you want to hear his pretty sounds.

in my mind, the perfect scenario is having him tied up vertically, with a bar spreading his legs. you'll approach him with a devilish smirk and ask him "are you ready for your punishment, slut?" and he'll simply respond to you with a shit-eating grin and a triumphant "go to hell." i can imagine you edging for hours, waiting for him to break, and when he does, he's like clay in your hands.

honestly this man is a slut for pain, and loves to be degraded. if you call him a worthless piece of meat— or any degrading nickname by that matter— you can expect him to be rock solid.

i feel like hyunjae would be down with somnophilia, because despite being a little bratty bitch, he also loves being taken advantage of and treated as your toy.

juyeon!

i'm going against what seems to be the majority here and saying this boy is a sub. i realize his stage presence may make him look more dominant, but once he's underneath you, that facade will vanish.

he's a good boy, very much so, and like sangyeon, he loves to please. however, sometimes when he's in the mood, he'll try to dom you, in which case you'll simply have to make him see that he could never satisfy himself like you can when you're domming him.

i feel like he may slip into sub space a bit easier than other members? so please, when you're done with him, give baby gentle cuddles. he loves your kisses, and it's so rewarding seeing him sleepy from all the pleasure, and hearing him let out a soft, content sigh into the crook of your neck as you hold him tight.

kevin!

brat #2. again, i could just leave this off here, but that wouldn't be very fun.

speaking of fun, kevin would be the best member to have casual sex with. both of you mirroring the other's dopey smile as you make love.

however, when kevin wants to be bratty, he will be the biggest pain in the ass. if you thought dealing with hyunjae was a mess, just wait for kevin. he would annoy you anytime, anywhere. moaning into your ear in public, trying to touch up your thighs, rubbing his ass against your front nonchalantly, while you silently get infuriated.

kevin loves being punished, and loves to be marked up. be sure to fulfill his wishes, or he'll find even more clever and devious stunts to pull on you so you have no choice but to mark him up and punish him.

new!

do i even need to say it?

this man is such a little slut, and no, i will not be taking any criticism. he loves to look pretty for you, including cross dressing, and be treated like a prince. new has a massive praise kink, and would love to be told he looks and sounds beautiful.

he would also love to have hickeys on his neck and be marked. he sees himself as a piece of art, and each mark you give him just seems to add to his beauty. he's no stranger to rough sex, but he prefers you to be gentler and treat him like the beautiful doll he is.

did i mention he's also a crier? he's so sensitive, when you work him up enough, he'll just sob and make the most beautiful, yet pornographic sounds. he loves you to play with his sensitive nipples too.

some of his favorite things to do is play with wax and/or be blindfolded. you wouldn't mind, because with your marks on him and hot wax dripping down his front, he would look gorgeous.

q!

changmin would make an excellent power bottom.

his neck is literally made for marking up, so please take advantage of that. he's also one kinky little fucker, and loves to try new things. he would even be open to a threesome.

he likes praise and degradation, so if you call him things like "my slutty little prince," you can have him wrapped around your finger just like that.

he loves when you let him do what he wants with you, he has so many fantasies he wants to try. including sex in public. his dream is to be shoved up against a wall and fucked senseless, knowing that anyone could walk by and see him getting railed by you.

another one is you slapping his cock and denying him. he's no stranger to pain and would absolutely love for you to torture him. he loves bdsm and honestly any kind of toy or torture method he sees or hears about will immediately become something he wants to try.

as kinky as he is, he also needs to be reassured that you love him, so soft, passionate sex is also something he loves to do with you. he'll get shy looking into your loving eyes, and hide his face with his hands, but you can tell by the flush on the tips of his ears that he's embarrassed.

changmin is the king of duality, but at the end of the day, please love him. he loves to know you're his and he's yours.

juhaknyeon!

honestly with haknyeon, i'm not sure! i feel like he would be a switch as well. maybe one of those "freak in the sheets, normal in the streets" type of deals?

i feel like his love for food extends to the bedroom, and he would definitely swallow cum or spit for you if you asked him. he's open to try many things, and he's very sweet. honestly he just loves being happy with you, so just about anything is fine with him.

i love his smile and his laugh, and it's very contagious, so please make sure to make him do so often. he brightens up a room instantly.

sunwoo!

slut. slut for pain, slut for you, just a straight up slut. if he's committed to you and trusts you, he loves to be your kinky little bitch.

of course, he takes the spot of brat #3, but because he can't control himself, it won't take much torture before he begs for you to use him. he loves being degraded.

if you let him top you, you're getting railed, this boy has no self control, and just wants all the pleasure to himself. it's because of this that he's a master at eating you out when you ride his face. he wants to pleasure you as much as possible to get the best reward. he looks gorgeous with his hair all messy, his pillowy lips hitting all the right spots in and around your hole (or holes).

he's amazing with his tongue, and he's also very good at begging, knowing just what to say to make you give him what he wants. if you stand any chance of taming this brat, you'll need a lot of self control.

when you do give him what he wants, overstimulate him or milk him. take all of him and use him like the slut he is, he can't get enough of it. sex with sunwoo can and should be messy.

he also loves being spanked, and to see signs of your torture on his body, via rope burns, welts from a belt, red hot skin from your spankings, etc. he would also love mirror sex because of that. you should try making him hold eye contact with himself in the mirror as you absolutely wreck his body.

a/n: it won't let me post an eleventh gif here, and that is very homophobic. just use your imagination i suppose.💔

eric!

eric is a hopeless romantic, i'd definitely say he's a switch. i feel like your sex with him would be the most vanilla, but also the most loving and passionate out of all the members. both of you taking care of each other. he loves to catch your lips in gentle kisses.

he also likes his sex to be very clean, so you if you ride his face, take advantage of the fact you can make it messy. eric knows just how to please you whenever he's domming you, and loves to be taken care of when you're domming him as well.

your relationship with eric would really be furthered by sex, since he loves showing you affection. he thrives off the fact that he can trust you, and deeply appreciates that you reciprocate those feelings. if you're lucky, you might get to do some kinkier things with him, but i wouldn't exactly count on it.

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

[danakin-skywalker]

Star-Crossed (Danny Wagner): Chapter Two

Two bands, both alike in dignity

At Lollapalooza where we lay our scene

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny

…… a pair of star cross’d lovers…...

Taglist: @flowervanfleet @weightofdreams-gvf @sierraahhhh @stardustschords @amourleger @ageofsewingmachine @theweightofstardust @gretavanhoney @samkiszkabreakmyback and potentially you, just lmk!!

(A/N): HEY LATE NIGHT READERS it’s been approximately 1.5 days since Chip Bunker so I hope you’re all still in a Danny mood. I’m sorry this chapter took so long, the press on nails I mentioned in the note for Acrylics have absolutely impeded my typing abilities… which is problematic in general given my profession.

BUT ANYWAY this will be the final pure-fluff chapter as we reach the midpoint of the story, the end of the act one if you will. I apologize if any of the formatting is off, I wrote this largely on my iPhone as I’m home visiting my mom this weekend. So if anything looks weird, blame tumblr mobile. Also this won’t be formally added to my master list until tomorrow night when I’m reunited with my laptop. now featured on the masterlist!

Ok let’s get this shit going!

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Chapter One

Chapter Two

DANNY POV

As I walked in the direction of the amphitheater, grinning like an idiot, I looked over the other notifications left by my bandmates on my phone. Lots of “where did you go?”s and “dude where the fuck are you we’re on soon”s. I sent out a text to Jake that I would be there in 5, since I knew if anyone he’d be the most annoyed with me right now.

But, God, I just couldn’t bring myself to feel sorry about it. Someone else could sound check my drums for all I fucking cared. With the way this girl made me feel, I wasn’t gonna leave her side a single second earlier than I had to.

I ran my fingers over my lips, still tingling from the sensation of hers. That kiss was something otherworldly, I had initiated it but I wasn’t ready for it to knock my socks off the way it did. It just felt so… Right. So correct. Like every person I’d kissed before today was leading up to her.

Leaving her was harder than I had expected, especially since I met her today and I was leaving her to go perform a headlining gig at a major music festival. This was a huge milestone for us, and yet my mind could not be less focused on the task at hand.

But then again, she’s coming to the show. I knew it would be impossible for me to find her in the crowd, but she sounded pretty genuine when she said she would go. I smiled to myself, thinking about her waiting for me after the show.

However, I was abruptly yanked out of my thoughts when I entered the amphitheater. Physically.

“Dude, finally, where the fuck were you all day? We’ve been trying like crazy to reach you!” Sam grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me down the hallway toward the dressing rooms.

All I could do was shrug, “Sorry, man. Time got away from me I guess. It’s a good thing I set that alarm for sound check though.”

“Yeah, and missed it, because you weren’t here! Jake’s about ready to kill you.” I rolled my eyes. Of course he was.

“Okay, well, I’m here now. We still have plenty of time before the show starts.” I said as we walked into the room where the twins were.

“He’s alive!” Josh wailed. Jake, on the other hand, briskly walked up to me with angry glare on his face.

“Where the hell have you been?”

I looked down at him and tried to hold back the smile that threatened to surface when I thought about where I had been all day. By the looks of it, if I smiled at Jake right now I might be going on stage with a shiner.

Instead, I looked around sheepishly, “I’ve been… you know, around. Seeing shows. Lost track of time.”

Josh squinted at me for a moment, then his face lit up. “Oh my God, you were with a girl weren’t you?”

This time I couldn’t resist cracking a small, all-telling smile and turning toward the rack with my show outfit on it.

“Holy shit he was!” Sam exclaimed. “Damn, all day?”

I chuckled to myself, “I mean, yeah, I did see most of the shows I saw today with the same girl… We might’ve kissed before I left but I mean-”

“You kissed her after knowing her for an afternoon?” Josh asked incredulously while I unbuttoned the shirt I had on and threw it onto the rack.

Sam let out a laugh, “Like you haven’t done more in less!”

I shook my head. “But like, it didn’t feel like it was just an afternoon. I-I don’t know how to explain it. We just kind of… connected, you know?”

Jake huffed in the corner, lighting a cigar. “Well, does she know you have obligations here too? You’re not just another festival-goer you actually have responsibilities.”

I rolled my eyes, buttoning up the shirt the stylist had picked for me as I turned to face the group again, “Jesus, Jake, I said I was sorry. I’m here in time, what more do you want from me?”

Again, Jake stepped closer to me, leaving a trail of cigar smoke from where he was sitting. He stops for a moment in front of me and says, “Commitment” before walking out the door.

I turned around to the other two Kiszkas, “Has he been like that all day?”

Sam shrugged, “Not all day, but we did get a little worried when you went all MIA on us. He was pretty freaked out before you showed up.”

“Look, I really am sorry I scared you guys, but I would never actually ditch something like this. I mean, come on! This is a huge deal!” I exclaimed, trying to bring back up the energy for this gig. Jake could be a sourpuss all he wanted on stage, I wasn’t gonna let him bring us all down.

Y/N POV

As James Bay started winding down, I decided to leave in search of the amphitheater. Surprisingly, the sea of venues was getting easier to navigate as the darkness of night settled in. Everything was lit up and music was pouring out from every which direction.

And yet, no signs of the amphitheater. Eventually, I stopped to ask a group of girls which way it was. “Oh, you’re going to see Greta too? Here, come with us we’re heading over too” One of the girls offered brightly. They seemed trustworthy enough so I agreed and followed along with them. On the walk over they gushed about boys named “Josh” and “Jake” but no mention of Danny. He had definitely said the amphitheater and Greta Van Fleet, but I suppose there had to be more members than just him.

Thankfully enough, they led me in the right direction and I found myself near the back of the pit in front of the stage. Nobody was out yet so I took the opportunity to light one of the joints I brought and prepare myself mentally for the possibility that his band fucking sucks and I have to see him again later.

My attention was refocused to the stage when the crowd suddenly erupted in applause and screams. There they were, four guys who looked to be around my age walking onto the stage one by one. I spotted Danny immediately, by far the tallest and bearing striking visual differences from the rest of the band. I was immediately taken aback by his hair- what was earlier tied up in a messy bun was now cascading down his shoulders. It was so much more than it looked when it was up. It was mystifying. He climbed behind the drum set and gave it a few testing strikes before leaning back into his seat as the rest of the band got their instruments ready.

I toyed with the joint in my mouth while taking in his stage presence. The plain navy button-down he was wearing with me has been exchanged with a more intricately patterned silk one. It coordinated well with the rest of the band’s outfits, but I couldn’t help but prefer the more relaxed and comfortable look. His skin looked almost luminescent in the spotlights, taking on a slightly lighter tone despite all the sun we had both gotten earlier today.

I was torn away from admiring him in the stage lights by a text. From….. Danny?

“Did u make it over? We’re about to start”

I knit my eyes in confusion and looked back up on the stage to see Danny putting his phone back into his pocket innocently, glancing at the other guys to see if they noticed. I chuckled to myself and responded,

“you did not just text me from ON STAGE U PSYCHO yes I’m here”

I looked back on stage and saw Danny jump ever so slightly at the vibration from his phone, eagerly reaching down to check it. It was endearing, really. Every damn thing about him was. I watched as he smiled at his phone, typed out a quick message and swiped it off.

A few moments later, my phone buzzed with his response,

“Good u can see me ;) Enjoy the show- meet me behind backstage area half hour after the set ok?”

I went to respond before my attention was snapped back up to the stage by a voice, “Are you ready?!” The one who I assumed to be the singer yelled into the mic. I recognized him as the curly haired boy sitting next to Danny at the fire the night before. The audience roared in response, making each of the guys on stage crack a small grin before launching head first into their opening song.

Thankfully, I had worried for nothing because his band was phenomenal. I didn’t even know any words and I found myself yelling and dancing along with the crowd to the music. Some of the songs were definitely more classic-rock style, but others were a bit folkier and slower, with the guitarist switching between electric and acoustic throughout the show.

Although I was wholeheartedly there for Danny, I couldn’t help but notice the stage presence of the other members. During the show I learned that they were brothers, and each of their names, but it was so intriguing to see how lost in their songs they were getting while performing them. They were playing like nobody was watching, letting the music move their faces and bodies in whichever way it commands. It was an inarguably authentic performance and I was happy for Danny that this was a group he got to be a part of.

However, it eventually came to an end, and I couldn’t help the twinge of guilt I felt for being excited that it was over. Only because now I get to go find Danny and tell him how much I loved it.

I made a wide loop around the audience area as people started to flood out, their set being one of the last of the night. By the time I got to the exit behind the backstage area, it had been about 20 minutes and I didn’t have to wait long to see Danny’s smiling face emerge from the doors. He closed the door quickly behind him, as if he were sneaking out, and then his arms were back around my waist the way they were before we parted ways. The way they snaked across my torso to fall to a rest at the small of my back made me consider if they were made to go there. Meant to. Destined.

“Hey you, what’d you think?”

I beamed up at him. “It was incredible. You guys are amazing. You’re amazing!”

Danny’s cheeks flushed slightly at the compliment. “I realized just before we started that I never mentioned what kind of music we do, I wasn’t sure if you’d be into it. Obviously a lot of people enjoy it but some people are really turned off by the sound, you know?”

I shook my head, eyes still wide with wonder staring up at him. I took a moment to reach up and brush the loose strands of hair out of his face as he looked back down at me. “No, no. The way you guys perform… you just really leave it all out there. It looks like you’re putting everything you’ve got into your performance. Anyone who truly appreciates music should appreciate your… you know, celebration of it, almost.”

It was at this point Danny’s lips started to curl upwards into a smile and I found myself tripping over my words, distracted by his mouth. I reached my hand up to fiddle with the buttons of his shirt- back to the one he was wearing earlier- before smiling back up at him. “And don’t worry, it’s safe to say your music did not turn me off.”

Danny chuckled, leaning in a bit to press his forehead back against mine. “Oh yeah? So one could even say it…turned you on?” his voice lowered to a gravelly murmur for the last part of the sentence.

This time it was my turn to flush pink. But I couldn’t lose my confidence now. My hands glided up his chest from the button I was fidgeting with, until they rested at his neck. I leaned in to ghost my lips over his before whispering, “Watching you sure did.”

That was all the reassurance he needed to lunge forward and reconnect our lips. Just like before, the contact started a frenzy under my skin, warming me up and making it feel like I was floating. This time, however, the kiss was turning more and more passionate. His tongue found its way into my mouth to greet mine and the two danced together between our teeth as we desperately tried to pull each other closer.

After a few minutes, we pulled away to catch our breath. “Do you… Do you wanna go somewhere? I know a trail around here that leads to a creek. I’m sure it’s empty by now. I just know the rest of the band’s gonna be out any minute and…” he turns to look back at the door as he takes a moment to articulate his thoughts. “… Quite frankly I want you all to myself tonight.”

My stomach fluttered at his words and all I could do was nod at him in confirmation. He grins at me and takes my hand, still feeling a little jolt when he did. However, just after we started walking, the back door opened once again, making us both turn around at the sound. And just like Danny predicted, one of his bandmates emerged. The one from the fire. Josh, I think. He was able to spot us about 50 feet away and a slow grin spread across his face. “Well if it isn’t Romeo and Juliet themselves. Have fun you two.”

Danny rolled his eyes and turned back around, pulling me with him. “Good night Josh” he said with a slightly annoyed tone.

“And good night Danny!” Josh yelled back in a much more suggestive tone, I could basically hear him wiggling his eyebrows.

We kept walking further away and from the distance I could hear the door opening again and voices, but Danny didn’t turn back around so I didn’t either. “Your band seems nice.” I offered.

Danny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “They are, they really are. But sometimes they can be a lot.” I nodded in agreement, unaware of what he’s referring to but trying to be supportive.

DANNY POV

I already knew I was gonna be in for it tomorrow from the guys for ditching them again tonight, but fuck if I cared. Hearing her gush over our performance and seeing her once more under the glow of the moon had me feeling like the band was the least of my worries. Because I might actually be falling in love with this girl.

I shivered slightly at the concept. We were just coming up on the 24-hour mark of our first meeting. If you could even call it that. Our little stare-off. But I genuinely feel like I’ve known this girl forever. Conversation flows so easily and my heart feels like it might just stop entirely whenever she smiles at me. Every logical component of my brain was screaming to run, to go back to my friends and avoid heartbreak once this festival ends and we start touring again.

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as we approached the trail. It looked much darker compared to where we were standing, the lights from the festival illuminating the night.

I stopped and turned to look at her. “This is it.”

She looked into the darkness of the trail and then back at me. “You’re not taking me into the woods to kill me, are you?”

I couldn’t help but laugh and she smiled a bit too. “No, I promise it’ll be worth it. Besides if I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.” I added matter-of-factly.

She giggled and took my hand, and I felt my heart soar. “Well, I guess I should consider myself lucky, then. C’mon.”

She took a few steps into the trail and turned around to pull me in with her. “Not getting nervous are you?” She teased.

“Me? Nervous? Around you? Oh, never.” I joked as I walked into the trail with her.

We kept walking for a minute before she turned to look up at me with a smile, “So I make you nervous then?”

I let out a sigh, taking a moment to figure out how to word my next sentence. “The way you make me feel sure does.”

I watched as she smiled to herself, looking down at the trail we were walking on. “You don’t make me feel nervous. Usually I am around guys, but I don’t know. When I’m around you it feels like that’s where I’m supposed to be, you know?”

I did. I really did. All I could do was nod as a million thoughts raced through my head.

Soon we approached the clearing with the creek and thankfully, like I had hoped, it was void of people. I led her over to the edge and she reached a hand down to feel the water, the beautiful smile on her face growing as the sensation hit her. She immediately sat down and started taking off her shoes and socks before dipping her feet into the water with a sigh.

She looked back up at me, eyes sparkling like diamonds in the moonlight, “Well what are you waiting for? Are you telling me your feet don’t hurt after walking around all day?”

At that moment I felt the weight of the day rest onto the soles of my feet. She was right. Of course she was right. I followed suit and took my spot next to her, right hand resting on her left as we propped ourselves up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look down and smile at the feeling, and I couldn’t help but smile too.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the running water and basking in each others presence. She leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder and I moved my hand from its place on top of hers to sling my arm around her shoulder. I closed my eyes and prayed to any god that would listen that this moment would never end.

However, it did when she let out a sudden gasp and sat back up. “Oh my God, I just remembered. I have something to make this moment perfect.”

It already felt pretty perfect to me, that is until I watched her pull a joint and a lighter out of her pocket, sparking the lighter playfully to illuminate the mischievous look on her face.

“Oh you just get better and better, don’t you?”

Y/N POV

We sat there on the riverbed, passing my brothers joint back and forth. At one point he made a point to blow the smoke right at me and I tried moving around to catch the smoke in my mouth, which made him laugh. God, his laugh is beautiful.

However, after learning my intentions, he took a long drag from the joint before leaning in close to me, opening his mouth to show me the smoke sitting right on his tongue. It was an invitation. A dare, almost. Come and get it.

And I did just that. I planted my open mouth on his and felt him push the hot smoke into my mouth, down my windpipe and deep into my lungs, before nibbling on my bottom lip. Joint forgotten, I blew the smoke out of my nose and reached my arms up to pull him closer into another deep kiss. We sat there for a bit, under the watchful eye of the moon and nobody else’s, making out on the edge of the creek. His lips made their way down to my jawline, peppering wet kisses across before diving down to my neck, leaving harsh nips that I would definitely have to explain the results of to my brothers tomorrow.

My eyes finally fluttered open when I leaned forward, placing my hand next to Danny’s to support myself. But I felt my fingers brush against something and knock it into the creek. My eyes opened in search of the object and they widened when I realized what it was.

“Oh no.” I whispered.

Danny immediately pulled his head up from the crook of my neck, resting his chin on my shoulder. “What is it?” He whispered back.

“The joint.” I respond, with a small smile as I pointed to the last third of the joint floating down the creek away from us.

When Danny realized what had pulled me out of the moment, he tried to stifle a laugh. But then I turned to meet his eyes, and suddenly we were both leaning into each other roaring with weed-induced laughter. The once still silence of the night being filled by our fits of hysterics.

Once we’d calmed down, Danny threw his arm back around my shoulder and leaned back, pulling both of us flush onto the bedrock. I nuzzled my head into Danny’s shoulder and he pulled me closer to him, so that my head lay on his chest instead of his arm.

“Danny, do you believe in soulmates?”

If I had a clearer mind, I would’ve shot myself point blank for asking that question to a man I met a day ago. And yet, Danny turned to look deep into my eyes, before answering with a sigh, “You know what? I’m sure as hell starting to.”

I smiled back up at him and he pressed a tender kiss onto my forehead before we both turned back up to look at the stars.

I don’t even know when we fell asleep, or who did first, all I know is the sun is bright as fuck at 7am when you’re sleeping on a rock by a creek. I winced as the shade from the tree above us finally gave out and the sun started shining directly onto my face.

I opened my eyes to see Danny’s face inches from mine, breath fanning across my cheeks as he somehow continued to sleep. I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss onto his lips, causing his eyes to flutter open. My stomach erupted into butterflies as he smiled warmly at me, like he would be content waking up that way forever. Then, I watched as he slowly regathered his surroundings. “Oh shit we fell asleep out here!”

I couldn’t help but laugh, burying my face into his chest as he looked around at the handful of people on our once-private creek. He placed a hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair gently before mumbling, “We should probably head back then.”

I groaned into his chest, which made him chuckle, before leaning up to a seated position again, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Yeah, probably. My brothers are gonna fucking end my life for not making it back last night.”

I stood up and reached my arms down for Danny’s, hoisting him to his feet when he obliged. He let one of his hands fall away while the other stayed firmly put in my hand. We walked in peaceful, content silence back out of the trail and toward the campground.

“Will I see you again later?” He asked hopefully.

I couldn’t help the grin spreading across my face as I swung our hands a bit. “Of course. I have my brothers’ set this afternoon, but I’ll come find you after.”

We approached a site with two tents and a picnic table being taken up by a boy in sunglasses with his hair tied up. Danny threw him a wave, “Morning Jake!” He didn’t look up from his book and instead raised a middle finger toward us.

I chuckled and Danny sighed, “Always the charmer.”

He turned back to me, “Alright, well I’ll see you later then. And if your brothers give you a hard time make sure they remember they’re without a stage crew if they kill you.”

I threw my head back laughing, missing Jake’s ears perking up and him closing his book, peering over at me over his sunglasses.

Danny leaned in for a parting kiss and I felt the warmth re-enter my body, flooding my system again with something unmistakably Danny. I couldn’t help the sigh that fell from my lips as he pulled away. He smirked at me, “Never gets old.” Before turning and disappearing into the tent.

I bit my lip to hide the smile forming on my face as I turned around to head back to my brothers tent, already dreading the idea of explaining my night to them. I was pulled out of my trance by someone clearing their throat.

I turned to see Jake standing up at the table he was sitting at, sunglasses noticeably absent as his eyes were burning daggers into me. I was taken aback a bit, seeing as I had barely just met him. I tried to shake it off and be friendly.

“Hey, I’m Y/N. You’re Jake, right? You guys were great last night.” I took a few steps closer, extending a hand toward him.

He looked down at my hand in disgust, crossing his arms over his chest before staring deep into my eyes.

And suddenly I remember.

The rude long haired boys from the first night.

I was looking one of them right in the eye. And it was Danny’s bandmate.

I hesitantly pulled my hand back, brushing it against my jeans as the smile faded from my face. “I, uh… I think I should go.”

Jake squinted at me. “I think you should.”

I turned and walked briskly away from the campground, suddenly more eager than ever to reach my brothers.

CHAPTER THREE COMING SOON

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

hi! hope you're having a great day. just dropping in to say I absolutely love your writings.

prompt request: 15 from 300 followers appreciation post.

have a great day. absolutely love your work <3

Thank you so much anon. Ngl since the moment I put out this list, I had been most excited to write this one out and I don't know how this one turned out.

Just petty things

Dialogue prompt- 15. You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions | Fluff ( ig) | ENEMIES TO LOVERS |

"oh yeah, watch me malfoy " harry sneered taking the bottle of expensive champagne and pouring it down the drain with draco watching him with horror Struck upon his face

" oh, oops. Hope the bottle doesn't empties- oh wait- it already is empty " harry shook the bottle over draco's face in mockery

" you moron. It was fine champagne imported from France. Do you even know how much it costed ?" draco sneered at harry grabbing his wrists harshly

" what you gonna do about it? Ruin my food ? No wait, you actually already did that " Harry raised his eyebrows grinning viciously

Draco scowled at harry angrily before he jerked away Harry's hand's away.

" ruin my food one more time and I'll throw you out " harry threatened

Draco clenched his jaw angrily murdering harry inside his head..

" you wait and watch " draco challenged harry before he storming back to his room.

" oh yeah. I am sure I can handle you " harry yelled.

Draco turned around dramatically, his face red from all the anger " you couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions " he yelled and slammed his bedroom door shut.

Harry too stormed away in his room slamming the door after him, angrily. Bless those door hinges.

Despite the rivarly dying out ages ago and the reconciliation followed after that, they still annoyed the living death out of each other with petty fights almost everyday. Originally the apartment is Harry's but after Blaise had came to live with him, it partially became his until the moment Blaise wanted to settle down and move in with his girlfriend. So being the nice flatmate he was he got harry an anonymous partner who by claims had been extremely nice, organised, clean and a great friend. Of course Blaise didn't mention " also your childhood enemy " or he necessarily didn't. Either way it didn't work out of course but since the rent act started stirring up in the public, it became Incredibly hard for draco to find another apartment and now here they were, 2 months in living together, messing each other's daily life and petty fighting.

" I'm telling you Blaise, he drive's me nuts " harry groaned as he pointed at Draco.

" oh I drive you nuts, excuse me, you drained my entire fucking bottle of champagne, of course I'll drive you nuts " draco narrowed his eyes at harry.

" you Drained his bottle of champagne ?" Blaise asked harry with an amused reaction sitting on the centre couch.

" well- he- he cut all my avocados, scooped out the insides of it and left the seed and not only that, he added Scotch to my lasagna " harry accusing-ly pointed his finger at draco.

" you did that ?" Blaise laughed looking at Draco

" Blaiseee " harry sternly voiced

" oh, no you're Right. Of course, you shouldn't had done that no matter how good it actually was,you shouldn't had. You know he loves avocados " Blaise nodded.

" but-"

" no really draco. I mean it. He's very serious about his food, even when I lived with him " Blaise added

" I need him out of here " harry added

" what ? You can't do that-"

" I can, if you're forgetting this apartment is originally mine " harry interjected draco.

" okay, whoa whoa, calm down. Nobody's getting thrown out alright. Just take a deep breath and we'll talk about this- well your differences alright "

" you know it's all your fault. You should've never bought a flatmate without asking me "

" me? I thought I was helping you out " Blaise defended himself

" well clearly not " harry shook his eyes head with wide eyes, crossing his arms over his front.

Blaise huffed a breath gulping down the rest of his coffee and turned to draco.

" you want to move out ?"

" what- no. I mean yes I don't want to live with him but I don't want move out " draco replied furrowing his eyebrows.

" see, Harry, he doesn't want to move out-"

" he's doesn't want to live with me Blaise. Clearly we're on the same side " harry faked a smile at draco.

Blaise looked up at the ceiling in annoyance before he got up from the couch to make his point " do you both realise you're adult's. Because it seems otherwise. I'm tired of listening to your petty fights and the pranks and the revenge. Why can't you two just like normal civil people? I thought you both had reconciled "

" look I know it's hard for both of you but you guys are the most incredible flatmates I've ever had alright and I know you two are better than this. So please, just please starting acting like you're actually 22 and if you can't be around each other then just- just ignore another alright. Don't talk " Blaise raised his eyebrows waiting for a reply before harry did

" I can work with not talking " harry mumbled.

" I'm good at ignoring " draco mumbled too.

" see, now that's the spirit. Now I have to go,I have a lunch with Sophie's parents, can I trust the two of you to not get involved into another fight ?" Blaise asked with raised eyebrows.

" good " he huffed when neither replied and took his jacket and decided to walk out with harry and draco following after him.

" just " he breathed " be nice to each other alright. You don't even have to talk "

" we can handle ourselves. We're not kids " draco rolled his eyes

Blaise opened his mouth to say something but shut it right off and gave draco a firm smile and left, with almost zero hope that it worked out.

Well it only worked partially. They ignored each other of course but still couldn't bear the thought of the other, which was somehow a progress and Blaise was rather proud because for the first time in 2 months they didn't wanted to kill each other.

Or so he thought thing's were better until a week later when Draco found harry making out with someone on the couch in the living room. Well he was decent enough not to shout till the date left.

" I sleep on that couch sometimes " draco disgustingly said as a shiver ran down his spine.

" well that's your problem. You have perfect bedroom for sleeping " harry rolled his eyes opening the water bottle and drinking from it..

" I don't care, the couch is off limits " draco snapped

"you don't tell me what is off limits and what's not-"

" i sure can. This is as much as of an apartment as much as its your " draco threw at harry.

" well this is my house, I can kiss anyone I want, wherever I want and whenever I want and you cannot boss me " harry Snapped back stepping closer to draco to make his glaring more threatening.

Draco flared as he stepped closer " you can not "

" yes I can " harry titled his head

" you cannot " draco widened his eyes

" what you gonna do about it ?" Harry egged him on.

Draco breathed sharply before he stepped back throwing his hands in the air " I can't believe you. You think this, everything is yours. Why am I be surprised though, it has Always been yours , hasn't it. Oh I'm harry potter, the world is all mine, I am praised everywhere I go with posters still upon the wall with my huge fanbase and everybody gushing over me. I'm so great, I'm brilliant. Maybe I should get a pedestal to stand on, oh wait I already built myself one " draco shouted

Harry crushed the bottle in his hand before he jerked forward grabbing draco by his collar " you- fucking- asshole. You take that back "

" oh I'm sorry did that hurt you? I won't take it back, you wanna punch me for that " draco asked raised his eyebrows, his hands steady by his sides

" you do not fucking know anything about my life. I'm giving you a warning to shut up-"

" or what? You're gonna punch me, as if you have the guts " draco sneered

" don't tempt me malfoy-"

" oh, I am scared. Save it potter. You can never punch me " draco narrowed his eyes at harry

Harry heaved heavily as he grabbed onto draco's collar tighter but didn't make a move to actually punch him, though his anger was getting out of control.

" you know what, you were better before I got you out of prison. Should've left you there to die " harry didn't mean to say it out loud but he did and it took him exactly a second to realise what had he done and regret immediately flooded in him as he saw draco's lip twitch and the look of pain crossing his features.

" you're right. You should've left me there to die " draco Snapped before he jerked away from harry easily as he had loosened his grip and stormed out of the apartment taking his coat with him.

Harry huffed in annoyance, rubbing his hand over his face, swearing in himself and kicking the chair nearby in guilt and anger.

Despite living in the same apartment, harry didn't see draco at all for at least a week or more until harry was returning very late from work and wanted to silently sneak in after having thought the entire way back home how to makeup to draco when he realised he didn't had to when he saw draco sitting in the balcony with all the door's open..

" you could've at least shut the door. The entrie apartment will be cold now " harry cautiously said as he approached draco and Stood by the door.

Draco sniffed Before he mumbled a soft Apology and within a second harry realised something was wrong and went into the balcony where draco was now standing.

" hey, you alright ?" Harry asked as he carefully placed his palm over Harry's shoulder

" yeah- just something at work " draco mumbled turning away from harry.

" hey hey hey, it's alright, you can talk to me if you want"

" yeah like you'd want to listen " draco scoffed dabbing his face with a tissue.

" of couse I will. Why wouldn't I ?" Harry asked frowning.

" why would you ?" Draco questioned back

" well- i- because I do care and there shouldn't be a reason why not to " harry raised his shoulder before dropping again.

Draco looked at him for a moment before he looked away, chewing the insides of his cheeks.

" you don't have to. I understand. I just want you to know I'm here " harry said softly tilting his head so he knew Draco saw him through the corner of his eyes.

Harry Stood with him for a few minutes in silence until he understood that perhaps he wanted to be alone and decided to step back inside.

" I lied "

" what do you mean you lied ?" Harry asked as he turned around and stood next to draco again with his hands on the railings, watching him..

" I lied about what upset me. It's not my work. It's my parents " draco side glancing at harry.

" oh " harry Only replied

" they sent me a letter that they took down my name from the final will. So I'm well not going to get the manor "

" so you were crying because you don't get the manor ?" Harry pursed his lips to control the little laugh wanting to escape his lips.

Draco shook his head, in " I can't believe I even tried " and he stepped off the balcony to go back inside

" I'm kidding, obviously " harry stopped him, holding out his wrist from going.

" just trying to lighten your mood " harry shrugged. Draco looked at him nonchalantly for a moment before breathing out and standing next to harry again.

"so they took your name off the will ? What else ?" Harry asked as he leaned on the railing watching draco.

" it's-" he breathed " it's not about the manor or any other thing. I stopped caring about that a long time ago, it's just, after all this time I thought they'd accept me. And-" he bit the inside of his lip, closing his eyes " they still don't "

Harry's gaze softened and he spoke up " they probably never will and you'll have to live with it even if it's hard "

" I know but it's just- their acceptance matters the most to me even if I don't say it out loud but It hurts sometimes knowing that I can't stop caring. First they abandoned me, then disowned me from the joint account at gringotts, sold the cottage house under my name and the last thing I had left- they took my name off that. It's like they're doing everything possible to make it believable that I- I just- never existed , like simply erasing it " draco's eyes sparkled with tears and harry watched as draco tore down his walls unknowingly and only then harry approached a simple physical touch of holding his hand over the railing.

" your existence is with you draco. They're all just papers. Your life or your name or anything about you isn't decided by a piece of paper. Hell I'm the hottest bisexual in Britain by the witch weekly and I can bet my ass that I've seen hotter but it's just a paper "

Draco chuckled and harry gave him a smile.

" I know it upsets you and I understand what losing a family is like but you can always create your own family " harry contagiously smiled

" I'm gay potter " draco rolled his eyes with a smile.

" not the actual reproduced family. I mean your friends, they can be your family. It's time you choose your family, who doesn't take away a manor from you "

Draco smiled softly " but it still hurts"

Harry stepped closer to him looking him in the eye " it always will, but one day you're going to look at the whole thing and be like I still have a family and much better one infact"

" you really think so ?" Draco asked

" I know so " harry whispered smiling.

They stared at each other long enough until they realised how close they had been standing in that small balcony and harry cleared his throat to break the moment of unusual staring.

" you wanna stay out here for a while. I'll grab the blankets?" He asked

Draco opened his mouth to deny but instead he nodded with a smile and harry quickly went in to fetch the blankets and pillows with something to eat and joined draco back in the balcony..

" wait, you just came back from work, aren't you tired ?" Draco finally asked

Harry shook his head shrugging " I'm good " and they settled into the area with his back supported on the glass, sitting close enough..

" you're not always an asshole then " draco teased as they opened the packet of chips and sipped some butter beer..

Harry chuckled " well yeah " and he took some chips from the packet.

After moments of eating in silence draco finally turned to harry again and mumbled a small thanks.

" you don't have to thank me" harry replied looking back at Draco and keeping his gaze still at him.

" listen I'm sorry about the other day. I was just angry and you sort of boiled me a little and it just-"

" it's alright. I forgive you " draco gave harry a tender side smile and harry smiled back equally tender.

" can I kiss you ?" Draco asked after having stared at each other long enough to know that kissing was what was left.

" do you really want to ?" Harry asked looking at Draco's lips wanting to do the same.

" yes " draco mumbled as he leaned closer to harry.

" this changes everything draco" harry whispered when they were Only an inch apart, breathing in small breaths..

" I know. I want to " draco mumbled..

Harry bought his hands to draco's face, stroking his cheeks " are you absolutely sure ? I don't want you to regret this next morning "

" will you ?" Draco asked looking in Harry's eyes as a confirmation.

" I won't " harry replied as his heart beat More loudly.

" I won't either " draco mumbled and before Harry could've further asked anything else, he kissed him over the lips, sweet and slow at first then escalating to it becoming a need, leaving them both panting.

" you really are sure ?" Harry panted as they separated for air..

Draco rolled his eyes straddling harry, cupping his face " you ask me one more time and I'll make you question your entire life harry" and he kissed harry again tugging at his hair as harry encircled his arms around Draco's Waist pulling him closer, leaning his head upwards to kiss him more thoroughly..

And they remained there as Long as the night was still young, kissing each other, panting each other's breath, fighting for air, for Dominance and moaning. Just there, in the moment.

I understand I didn't necessarily made harry and draco already having feelings for each other but it seemed nice for a change to go with their flow.

(I don't know if literally anyone notices but my writing style varies a lot, personally not liking recently what I've been writing tho )

300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open

Angst prompt requests open

[stressy-enby]

Hi is it ok to make a enimes to lovers tenya iida?plzzz with a grung y/n???

Yes yes yes YES YES YES

So, as I’m typing this, I’ve got a Google tab with pictures of grunge fashion behind my Pages document because I had no idea what it was before and now I’m obsessed. I can totally see Iida falling for someone with this type of style, it’d be so cute! 

This ended up being really long skjfguanspdifhaosdi

Hope you like what I whipped up!!

Never Hated You

Masterlist

Prompt List

. . . 

“(L/N)! Get your feet off of the desk this instant!”

You groaned loudly as the class rep marched up to your desk, a stormy look painted across his face.

“Iida, chill out.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your ankles on top of the desk. “I’m not hurting anyone.”

“Be that as it may, I will not stand for the disrespect of school property!” Iida blustered. “Do you have any idea how many great people have sat in your desk, learning to carry on the mantle of hero? How can you sit here and put your feet up on-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, dude.” You rolled your eyes again, making a big show of putting your feet down. “There, happy?”

“Quite.” The bespectacled boy bristled, not looking happy at all.

You chuckled, waggling your fingers in farewell as Iida returned to his own desk. Kirishima, in the seat in front of you, leaned back. “You sure do like riling him up, huh?”

“Someone’s gotta teach him that not everything needs to be taken so seriously.” You shrugged. “Besides, he’s kinda hot when he’s angry.”

“Dude!” Kirishima laughed in surprise.

“Am I wrong?” You snorted, gesturing to the boy in question, who still looked very irritated, and very handsome. 

Did you find Tenya Iida wildly attractive? Yes, yes you did. You were very vocal about that and you found no shame in it. That being said, did you also find him a little annoying? Yes. So he was not saved from your constant teasing and pestering.

At the beginning of the year, you realized that you seemed to be the epitome of everything Iida detested. You were brash, not afraid to pick a fight, and always had some witty remark to make. You never wore the complete uniform, opting to leave your gray blazer at home, replacing it with your favorite leather jacket. The prescribed neat little shoes had been swapped out in favor of your old combat boots. Iida had just about had a conniption fit when he’d first met you.

Realizing that the overly serious boy was constantly up your ass, and that he was in point of fact very cute, you made it your personal mission to annoy him to the ends of the earth. 

It worked spectacularly. Sometimes a little too spectacularly.

On multiple occasions you pushed too much, resulting in boorish lectures from the much taller boy that you could’ve slept through, if not for the decibel at which he gave them. It never seemed to deter you though. The next day you’d come back with a self-satisfied grin on your face as you plunked your boots up onto your desk. He was too cute for you to stop.

Over time, you stopped teasing him just for the sake of being an asshole. Though you’d never admit it out loud, Tenya Iida was starting to grow on you. You lightened up on the torture, only to spend more time actually trying to get him to talk to you. He always seemed suspicious of you though, to no fault but your own, you figured. So you made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

“Hey, Iida.” You leaned against his desk after class one day. “Think we could get together over the weekend and do homework? I’m having a little trouble understanding the math stuff.”

“You want me to help you with homework?” Both of the class reps eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. 

“Yeah, man,” You affirmed, chuckling. “Who else would I go to?”

Yaoyorozu. Midoriya. Todoroki. Iida listed in his mind. All of them are doing exceptionally well, and you don’t make yourself the bane of their existences.

“It’s just,” Iida pursed his lips, organizing his thoughts. “I certainly wouldn’t mind helping you if you really need it. I didn’t think you liked me very much, though.”

“And I didn’t think you liked me, but here you are, telling me you wouldn’t mind helping me out.” You chuckled, and smiled sadly. “I’ve never disliked you, Iida.”

. . .

To say you confused Iida would be the understatement of the century. You appeared to him as someone who didn’t care one bit about structure or rules. But as he sat next to you in a coffee shop, explaining quadratic functions, you seemed to really care. You poured over your homework, a pensive look on your face, turning to him every time you came across something you didn’t quite understand.

“I don’t get it.” He said quietly as you scribbled away at your worksheet.

“Really? Cause I’m just starting to.”

“No, not the homework.” Iida sighed, staring at you.

“Then what’s up?” You put your pencil down, matching his gaze.

“Why do you go out of your way to aggravate me so often if you don’t dislike me?”

The question caught you off guard. You glanced away, almost guiltily.

“At first, I did it just to get a rise out of you.” You admitted. “I guess I started getting fond of you though, and I realized that annoying you was the only way to get you to talk to me.”

Now Iida was the one to be caught off guard. “Y-you just wanted to talk to me?” He repeated.

“Yeah, and I thought I had ruined it.” You placed your head in your hand, and swirled your drink around in its cup with the other. “I thought I had provoked you too much by the time I realized I wanted to be your friend. I honestly thought you hated me.”

“Never!” Iida was shocked by the idea. He very rarely hated anyone. When his brother had been attacked, that was the first time that he had ever felt that boiling pit of rage in his stomach. “You irritated me to no end, yes, but I never hated you.”

“Hey, I’ll take it!” You conceded with a laugh.

Iida found himself laughing with you. He watched as smile lines etched themselves onto your face as your grin widened.

“(L/N), what say we start over?” He suggested. “I would like to be your friend, too.”

You gave the boy a disbelieving, yet giddy smile. “I would be more than happy to do that, Iida.”

. . . 

Something very peculiar was happening to Tenya, and it seemed to be your fault.

When you playfully teased him, he swore his heart rate accelerated to five times what was normal. Whenever he said something that made you laugh, he felt like he was on top of the world. He felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach when you’d put your hand on his arm.

None of these feelings were bad, per se. In fact, they actually felt quite good. It was like a calm washed over him whenever he was in your presence. He felt more relaxed than he’d ever been when he was around you.

So, there was no problem with what was happening, but that didn’t stop Tenya from still being wildly confused. 

The feeling also made him want to protect you.

This too was a mystifying thought. He wanted to keep all his classmates safe, of course, but somehow it was different when it came to you. But you were perfectly capable of protecting yourself, you being an excellent hero. You had great control over your quirk, and you knew your limits. Not to mention you “kicked ass” in combat training, to use your words.

Tenya knew all this well, in fact he reminded you of it regularly during training. So why, when villains dropped into the clearing of the training camp, was his first instinct to get in front of you? Why did he grab your hand and pull you closer to him as you ran with your classmates back to the main building? Why did his hand linger on your shoulder even when you were inside and out of the danger?

You asked yourself these questions, too, but you didn’t complain. It’s not like Tenya Iida grabbing you and holding you protectively was a bad thing, but he looked too pale for you to resign yourself to not questioning him.

“You okay, Bub?” You asked, glancing up at the bespectacled boy in concern. 

“What? Oh, y-yes, sorry.” Tenya separated himself from you, but you grabbed his hand before he could get too far, pulling him back to your side.

“This is scary,” You muttered as a way of explanation, your face heating up.

Heat rushed to his face as well, but he didn’t try pulling away again. He readjusted your grip so it was more comfortable. “Yes,” He murmured back in agreement.

You stood in silence for a moment, listening to the rest of your classmates chatter away in fear. You squeezed Tenya’s hand. He repeated the gesture. 

“Tenya?”

The sound of his given name pushing past your lips pleasantly surprised him, but he quickly shook off his confoundedness. “Yes?”

“I was going to tell you something tonight, but I’m afraid my plans have been ruined.” A wobbly smile crossed your face, but it fell almost immediately after. “Once this whole ordeal is over, and we’re all back at school safe, remind me to tell you then, okay?”

“Why can’t you just tell me now?”

You shook your head. “Now is defiantly not the time.”

“Well, alright then.” Tenya squeezed out hand again. “Although I’m afraid you’ve made me quite anxious to hear what you have to say, (Y/N).”

You smiled weakly again at hearing your own first name. “Now you know what it feels like when a teacher tells you to see them after class, Mr. Class Rep.”

. . . 

Tenya remembered your request as he was putting books on a shelf in his new dorm room. He stopped short, the conversation replaying in his mind. As much as he wanted to march himself over to your room that very instant, he resigned himself to waiting.

“I’m still not done settling in,” He muttered to himself, surveying the several boxes filled with personal belongings stacked neatly in a corner. “And (Y/N)’s probably still unpacking, too.”

A new-found vigor to his actions, Tenya found himself hurrying to complete his task. It had only taken the few days spent at home away from you and a quick conversation with his brother for him to realize that he had a crush on you. Reject the idea as he tried, it made a lot of sense. 

He chuckled humorously to himself. What had you done to him? He used to see you as nothing more than a misbehaving delinquent who constantly went out of their way to get on his nerves. So what happened? What did you do?

You befriended him. You had looked at him with that sad, sincere smile, and told him that you thought you’d ruined your only chance of being friends with him. You’d heard him out as he heard you out.

It wasn’t a question of what you had done, not anymore. It was all Tenya.

He had given you a second chance. And he never regretted it for one moment.

He still didn’t regret it, even when you grabbed his arm and tugged him along with the rest of the class to survey everyone’s rooms. He still didn’t regret it even when they got to his room, and you put on a pair of his glasses, flopping onto his bed as you teased him for the shelves full of matching frames.

He especially didn’t regret it when they got to your room, where you proudly stood next to a wall of printed out photos of your friends. Tenya’s eyes drifted to a shot of you and him at the fair, both of you holding ice cream cones.

“Pictures taken moments before disaster,” You remarked, following his eyes and tapping the wall next to the photo cheekily. He smiled, remembering how mere seconds after taking the picture, you had tripped over his foot and fallen flat on your face, taking out not only yourself and your ice cream, but Tenya’s as well.

Ask them, he urged himself as the class headed back to the ground floor. The question never seemed to escape him, though. In fact, when he rushed back inside after he, Midoriya, Yaoyorozu, Todoroki, and Kirishima had been pulled outside by Tsu and Uraraka, you had already gone up to bed.

That’s it. 

Tenya was a man of thought and intellect, not one of action. When the job called for it, he of course sprung to do his part, but not before carefully assessing the situation and weighing his options. So he surprised himself by going up to your room without a second thought, determined to get whatever it was you had hinted at out of you.

“Woah, didn’t I just see you?” You smiled coyly as you answered the door. “What’s up?”

“I wanted-” Tenya paused, eyes narrowing. “Wait, you still have my glasses.”

“Astutely observed.” You sighed, reluctantly handing them over. “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. I wanted to see how many days I could wear them before you realized they were yours.”

“You might’ve gotten away with it, if not for me being here now.” Tenya admitted, pocketing the spectacles. “I didn’t realize before.”

“So that’s not why you’re here?”

“No, during the training camp you said you wanted to tell me something, but that you wanted to wait until the… situation was over.”

You made a face. “I was hoping you had forgotten about that.”

“Why? Is it bad?” He asked nervously.

“No, just… weird. I only told you because I was scared we wouldn’t make it out of there alive, but now I’m regretting it.” You sighed. “Come on in, I may as well tell you.”

Tenya closed the door behind him, watching cautiously as you sat on your bed with a huff. “If you really don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

You considered for a moment. “How long have you been holding onto this?”

He blinked in surprise. “A few hours. I only remembered this afternoon.” 

“A few hours is all you need to get worked up about something. There’s no sense in me not telling you now,” You rubbed your eyes, looking both physically and mentally exhausted “especially if I promised you that I would.”

“Alright then, if you’re sure.” Tenya hesitantly sat himself next to you, now wishing he hadn’t bothered at all.

“Okay, so, uh, we’ve been friends for a while, and I’m really happy for that.” You started, rubbing your hands together thoughtfully. “And I don’t want to put that friendship in jeopardy, but recently my feelings towards you have changed, and I feel like you deserve to know.”

“Have they now?” Tenya’s heart pounded so loudly he worried you could hear it. He wondered if your feelings were anything like his.

“Yeah, they’ve gotten a little more… romantic.” You sighed heavily once again, seeming to resign yourself to your fate. “Okay, I’m gonna just say it: I really like you Tenya. More than as a friend. You’re stubborn, adorable, and always know just what to say, and every time I see you I just wanna kiss your stupid face all over and tell you that you deserve the whole damn world, because guess what? You do!”

Time seemed to tick to a stop. Tenya himself froze, his body stiff and his tongue limp in is mouth. Then his face exploded in color, and all at once, he gained control over his body again. His arm gestured frantically in his regular tic, and his words seemed to trip over each other in an effort to be heard.

“W-w-well thank you for your kind words! I greatly appreciate you telling me this. I have also recently c-come to the conclusion that I, uh, e-enjoy your company more than a friend should as well! I-I’m not sure what this means for us moving forward, b-but-“

You wrapped your fingers around the hand chopping the air wildly. You pressed your lips to his cheek, and rubbed your free hand up and down his arm in a soothing motion. You laughed lightly, but there was no mockery in it. “Thank you, Tenya.” You whispered. 

The boy stiffened once more, before naturally relaxing, leaning into your touch. He mirrored your soft, loving smile, placing his hand not being held by you on your knee gently. “Of course, (Y/N)."

[writerofshit]

(I mentioned briefly a story of how the Stream Team met. This is that story.)

Somewhere in Los Santos, in the late night hours of a Tuesday, a convenience store is robbed. So is one several blocks southeast. And one roughly in the middle of them both. After all, what's more convenient than 24 hour chili dogs on every other street corner?

Cash. Cash is more convenient. So are guns. Hollering, waving one to get the other. Most important, back alleys that twist and turn, snaking away from increasingly distant sirens. Three individuals find themselves running through these alleys, a couple grand each weighing their pockets down.

It's through serendipity and convenience that their paths cross.

The man from the farthest store arrives first. He's done this a few more times than he'd like to admit, so he'd had a plan. Of sorts. Cut through the park, take a few sidewalks like an upstanding citizen, under the bridge and find a fire escape to utilize from there. There aren't any that reach the ground, of course, because he's smart but not quite enough.

And so this is why Trevor is standing in an dark alley, contemplating whether or not the dumpster will give him enough height to reach the ladder, when the man from the middle store appears. He's around Trevor's height, but would probably win in a fight between them, if he were so inclined. He doesn't seem to be, though. He seems shaken, like he's not quite sure how he ended up in this alley. He's holding a gun almost gingerly, as if it might bite him.

Trevor pulls his own gun.

'dont you fuckin' try anything!'

This does not go over well with Matt. He takes a step back, and then seems to remember that he also has a gun so maybe this is even footing. He holds it aloft, finger nowhere near the trigger.

'same, asshole!'

At this moment the robber from the first store arrives, also, of course, with a gun. And a mask. And an entire purple and orange neon fucking suit, actually, topped with a white cowboy hat. It gives them a few extra inches of height they are distinctly lacking, comparatively. Somewhere in the back of his head, Trevor acknowledges that this newcomer could probably kick his and the other gunman's asses. It is not a pleasant thought.

'oh, what the fuck!?'

Jeremy sounds more annoyed and less scared than one would think, considering they've run into an alley only to find two men with guns. Two men who quickly turn those guns on them.

'who the fuck are you?'

The question surprises them all, including Matt, even though he's the one who asked. As it turns out, people have a tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind when in a stressful situation. Such as, having robbed a convenience store for the very first time and immediately finding himself face to face with other apparent robbers. It would get to anyone, probably.

'i don't want any trouble, but i've already robbed someone tonight and i don't give a shit about felony murder!'

Two lies and a truth, is what Trevor has chosen to play, for some reason. In reality, one does not rob a convenience store at gun point if one is intent on staying out of trouble. And he does, in fact, care very deeply about felony murder. Felony murder is the precise reason he'd shot a bag of Doritos and not a clerk. In his defense, the clerk had initially rolled her eyes at him, asked what exactly he thought he'd get out of this. He'd found this question rude.

The truth, of course, is that he did rob a convenience store. That did happen. No take backs.

'so did i!'

Matt and Jeremy speak so in unison it's almost scary. If they didn't know any better, they'd think the two of them had always known each other.

Trevor's gun wavers between them, unsure which is the bigger threat. The guy who clearly has zero experience with guns, or the weirdo who seems to have far too much? It's a toss up, really. So his aim pinballs back and forth, but his finger does not curl around the trigger. He's serious about that felony murder thing.

The air seems to shift, suddenly, and the sound of sirens is now growing closer. This evidently also annoys Jeremy, and they throw a glance over their shoulder to the direction they'd come from. Red and blue lights flicker past.

'shit. ok. we're all robbers, i guess, and we're all fucked if we keep standing here. who's got a plan?'

Jeremy's eyes are staring impatiently at Trevor. Eyes being the only part of their face Trevor can see. And their hands, a plastic bag in one and a gun in the other.

Trigger finger is an apt name.

He glances at Matt, still wild eyed and glancing back and forth. No, Matt probably does not have a plan. He sort of gives the impression that he's never had a plan ever, actually. That perhaps he'd simply woken up here and decided to wing it. So Trevor makes an offer.

'fire escape?'

There's another moment of tense silence. Well, minus the sirens. And oh, helicopters. Even better. Jeremy shrugs.

'good a plan as any.'

And then they're off, brushing past Trevor and hoisting themself up onto the dumpster. He knew it could work. Trevor blinks and Jeremy has caught the ladder, is quickly working their way up. Shit, how does five foot something manage to get that high on a good day, much less in this situation and with a bag and gun in hand?

Matt's gun clatters to the ground, and honestly, that's probably for the best. He's climbing onto the dumpster now, and he mutters something about not signing up for this shit. Trevor reminds him that he apparently robbed someone, so yeah, he kind of did.

Before Trevor climbs up, he shoves his gun into his jacket pocket. Smart? Probably not. Convenient? More so than climbing with a gun in his hand. He follows Matt up the ladder, wondering what happened to his plan. Yeah, the ladder had been involved. Two other people, however, were not.

Above them, glass shatters.

'warning, maybe!?'

'oops. careful, there's glass.'

Jeremy's voice is no longer directly above them. Instead, it comes from one story up and a little to the left. So they've broken into an apartment. Sure, add breaking and entering to the list of charges, that sounds great. But Matt and Trevor follow, because there's not really another option.

Inside the apartment, Jeremy's mask is gone. The suit is quickly disappearing as well, revealing a rather boring outfit of a white tank top and...sweatpants? The true mystery lies in where the cowboy hat has gone to, because that's a hard item to miss.

'do we really have time for this? don't you think someone might, oh, i don't know, wake up and call the cops?'

Trevor doesn't mean to hiss, it's just that he's sure there's more pressing matters to attend to than an outfit change. Continuing to flee, perhaps.

'nobody's gonna wake up.'

They don't even have the wherewithal to lower their voice. It registers to Trevor that Jeremy's bag and gun are missing as well. Had they dropped them on the way up? It was certainly possible. Trevor thinks he would have noticed a gun flying past his head, but there's a lot going on.

'can we maybe not kill anyone? he brought up a good point with that felony murder thing.'

It's the most words Matt has strung together since he'd shown up. It's damn near a whisper, but at least it's progress.

'i'm not- god, can you two shut up? i gotta make a phone call.'

Jeremy yanks the door open, hand carefully wrapped in the fabric of their shirt. For a moment, Trevor thinks they're leaving and steps forward to follow Jeremy. Instead, Jeremy turns and heads toward the kitchen, pulling open a drawer and digging inside it briefly. They come back with a cell phone.

Something dawns on Trevor.

'is this- do you live here? did you break your own window?'

Jeremy doesn't answer. They put the phone to their ear.

'you're gonna wanna hide whatever you've got. and try not to look like you just climbed in through a window.'

And then-

'hello? yes, hi, i'd like to report a break in, i think? i was hearing a bunch of sirens and then i don't know what happened but some guy just broke my window? he ran through and i just- my friends and i are really scared and we didn't know what to do- yes, we're ok, he's gone, but we- you'll send someone? ok, thank you. the address? oh, uh, it's the del perro heights building, apartment 7. should i shut the door? no, don't touch anything. ok- guys, don't touch anything, she said someone's on their way to check on us! thank you so much- no, i think we'll be fine. thank you.'

It's a marvelous performance. Jeremy genuinely sounds like some poor flustered victim of a crime. Trevor would applaud if he thought Jeremy would appreciate it. Almost immediately, their voice is back to normal.

'check things out my ass. they're gonna show up, ask which way he went and never call me again. feel real fuckin safe.'

Jeremy settles themself onto the couch, choosing the spot closest to the door. Matt, who has apparently gotten over his initial terror, wanders into the kitchen. Searching for something to distract himself, if Trevor had to guess. Trevor is still standing in the middle of the living room, dumbfounded. How did a simple robbery become hanging out with other robbers, waiting for cops to show up?

'i'm jeremy, by the way. they won't ask, but y'know. just in case.'

They're flipping channels on the tv, seeming to arbitrarily skip almost a dozen programs. Finally, they settle on one and stand. Trevor recognizes it as an old Disney movie, and desperately wants to ask why the fuck Jeremy has put this on.

'uh, hi. i'm trevor. why are we watching Mulan?'

'matt. oh hell yeah, i love this movie!'

He sounds remarkably cheerful, considering the circumstances. How Trevor had seemingly switched places with Anxious McGee is beyond him. He needs to get it together. He pulls his gun from his pocket and takes it to the kitchen, sticking it in the drawer Jeremy had taken the phone from. There are several other phones of varying price point. He steps back to the living room just in time.

'that's why.'

They don't elaborate. Apparently Trevor is meant to just figure this out on his own, which ordinarily he might be able to do. After the course of events of this particular evening? Not a chance.

But he can't ask, because now there's a cop in the doorway and he's staring at Trevor and that will never be a good thing. Trevor stares back. He has no clue what he's meant to say. Hello? Welcome? He went that way?

'oh thank god! we've been so terrified, we didn't know if he'd come back or what he'd do.'

Naturally, Jeremy has taken lead on this. They're a phenomenal actor, Trevor has to admit.

'did you see which direction he went?'

'toward the stairs, i think. we've all been rooted to the spot, you know, it's so scary-'

Matt freezes in the doorway of the kitchen. He's just out of the view from the front door.

'right, well. you boys did the right thing by calling. can you give me a description of the man?'

The corner of Jeremy's mouth quirks.

'gosh, it all just happened so fast. taller than me, probably, but shorter than you, wouldn't you say, trey?'

Trevor nods, because he's not quite sure what else to do.

'alright, thank you. someone will be in touch with you for an official statement. in the meantime, if you remember anything else don't hesitate to call.'

He's holding a card out to Trevor, of all people. He takes it carefully, like if he does it wrong somehow the guy will know and arrest them all. The card is simply the number for a tip line.

As suddenly as he'd arrived, the cop is gone and they're all breathing sighs of relief. Jeremy closes the door.

'you guys can stay for Mulan, if you want.'

So they do.

Trevor asks about why Mulan again, and Jeremy explains that they assume most people have seen it, could answer any questions about it if they came up. Perhaps, if LSPD officers were less incompetent, they would have. Although if that were the case, they wouldn't be LSPD officers at all.

Matt asks about the window, and Jeremy says yes, they did break their own window. Of course they'd had an actual plan when they'd entered the alley. They were always going to end up exactly here, give or take the extras. Asking for a plan was simply a test, determining the merit in bring them along. They'd passed.

Jeremy asks if they want to stay for Mulan II, which is apparently up next. They do.

Somewhere in Los Santos, in the early morning hours of a Wednesday, three convenience stores are recovering from three separate robberies. Right in the middle of them all, their respective robbers are sitting on a couch together, watching a straight to video children's film.

It is the beginning of something far greater than any of them can imagine.

[internalsealpanic]

Love Through the Ages (Damian Wayne)

Summary:  Love like baggage needs to be declared.

a/n: This is part one of a series that is a fic rec list disguised as a fic. For these fics, most of the characters will be speaking different languages, so unless specified otherwise assume that the characters are speaking in the first language I mention. They’re all vampires with centuries under their belt. Why wouldn’t I make them all polyglots.  Also, thank you to the proof reading gang for putting up with my shenanigans.  I will have links to the fics I recommend in the fic itself.

Warnings: Everyone is dramatic. 

Masterlist

Series Masterlist. 

You wait by the platform, tapping your feet to the rhythm of the Little Colonel Bojangles Dance. It's been so long since you've seen the movie but your feet can still remember the steps- much to Damian's annoyance. Your feet patter against the pavement, wet from the spring rain, in a soft rhythm that kept your excitement at bay.

You wave to the approaching cab. The passenger of the cab looks away from you, pressing his mouth into the heel of his hand as his eyes stare out into oblivion. Your mouth quirks at the petulant gesture. You haven't seen each other in two decades and he's still mad about... what was it again? You'll find out soon enough.

The cab stops in front of you.

You bow your head, resting your weight on your umbrella. You grin at his seated form postured perfectly with an ease of a man born with the world in his pocket. He's dressed in a black suit and a dark coat that looked far too thick for spring.

"Long time, no see, little prince." You say in a dialect of Spanish too old for the young cab driver to recognize.

Damian raises his brow, articulating his annoyance. It takes you a moment to realize that it was with the accent you'd chosen. It was inelegant and curt and it mangled the curve of the syllables far too easily. In short, it was your favorite dialect.  Rolling your eyes, you try again. This time with a softer, smoother dialect much more modern but still old enough that you could talk freely without worrying about eavesdroppers.

Damian cracks a smile at you. It was wry but soft in the way Damian always was. Your own exasperated smile softens as you look at his eyes, their ever-changing lushness. It's been too long.

You open the door. Damian eases out of the cab handing the cabby what you quietly hope was the correct amount.

But considering the wide-eyed glee on the cabbies face, you can guess that twenty years has done nothing for Damian's spending habits. That was if the tailored suit wasn't a dead giveaway.

You look him over whistling," whose funeral are you going to after the museum?" 

"Yours if we're on schedule." Damian deadpans looking at his watch. 

You snort, sounding like a piglet in mud. Adoration flickers in Damian's eyes but you miss it as you throw your head back.

"Who has a schedule on vacation."

"People who don't like wasting time."

"That's what a vacation is for."

Damian makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat and you shake your head. Damian wraps his arm around your shoulders. You happily press into his side, reveling in the intimacy of the action.

Damian had been telling you a story in rapid Arabic, the only words you understood were 'Jon' and 'moron', when you pause in front of a pair of paintings. The painting on the left was of Damian, his form drawn in harsh, messy angles. He's hunched over his sketchbook, candlelight glowing softly by his side makes his copper skin and forest green eyes breathtaking. The subject is out of view. The other was a portrait of you dozing off on a workshop table, your flaws lovingly rendered in gentle brush strokes. By contrast, your portrait was lit by the summer sun. Only Damian could make your features look this beautiful.

Vaguely, you remember this.

You remember it only for the countless times it had happened.

"They say that the one on the left is the painter sketching the portrait on the right and that the portrait on the right is of his lover."  You say airily. Damian, not one to disappoint, gives you an unreadable look.

Your stomach turns. You drop the subject. Wordlessly, you two make your way to the exhibit.

"Love through the Ages?" Damian asks, crossing his arms.

"Shockingly love wasn't invented by Stephenie Meyer."  You say. Damian wrinkles his nose at you and you cover your mouth to hide the scraggly smile spreading across your lips.

"I'm shocked your paintings didn't make it in."

He looks down at you huffing, "it's only speculation." 

You're heart twinges at that.  You press a frown to your hand.

"It'll be fun, Dami. I promise. Pleeeeeease."

Damian's stern look gives way to a weary half-smile as he capitulates to you.

"I promise it will only be half as nauseating as Dick's attempts to do family bonding."

"Tt, it would take a miracle to surpass that."

You grin. "Perish the thought."

"They say this stardust came from star-crossed lovers as they traveled through space. Oh and this one is a statue gifted by Persephone to Hades."

You drag Damian all over the exhibit. Pointing to specific exhibits with enthusiasm. He has to admit. It's infectious. Then again, Damian's never been able to resist anything about you. This amount of enthusiasm for something so frivolous would have been obnoxious on anyone else but because it's you, Damian's found himself utterly enamored by it.

"This one," You say, pointing to a series of paintings. They were all beautiful, painted in bold colors. The torrent of emotions radiating off of the canvas. "This one was made by an artist torn between three loves."

"Three? She must have been an exceptional artist."

"Probably was but her name was lost." You sigh.

 "She’s got exceptional brushwork." Damian hums. 

You squint at it. You would think after hundreds of years you would be able to discern that.

"And over there! Look at those postcards!" You say, pointing the three postcards pinned to a cloth in a glass case.  One card showed the northern lights, another with a picture of a thick rainforest, another with a large cave, and another with the pantheon. 

"They're not well preserved are they." Damian comments, scrutinizing the postcards and noting all the imperfections, the little cracks and tears, the water stains, and odd splotches of dirt. 

You roll your eyes, curling your fingers around his arm. "That's cus Hermes supposedly brought them everywhere while he searched for his lost love." 

"Quite the romantic. Do you know all the artifacts?"

"Yup." 

"I see..." Damian drawls.  "Then why are we here then?" Damian winces at how harsh and impatient he sounds. 

"Cus Jon said I needed an excuse to get you here and viola. It worked. I knew you'd cross the sea for a rare exhibit."

I would cross the sea for you, no matter how many times, Damian thinks.

"What about this?" Damian points to a golden coin, shaking his thoughts away. 

You lean back, side-eyeing him. "Care to guess?" His handsome features furrow as he thinks. 

"I think it’s a coin used to pay Charon." He says finally. 

You frown. "Good guess." A smug grin curls on his lips.  You stick your tongue out at him. 

"It’s an old Greek coin to pay the travel into the underworld."

 "Why would they want to travel  to the underworld?" It's Damian's turn to frown. 

"Yanno for someone who's so smart. You're asking the dumbest questions."

"It's a reasonable question." He asserts, his tone oddly defensive.

"Most people can't bear to be apart from their beloved."

Damian hums noncommittally. He understands that. he understands that all too well. 

"Like you and Jon." You say grinning.

Damian glares at you. No real anger behind it. 

"You two bicker like an old married couple." You laugh.

 "So do we." Damian says flatly, stepping closer to you and closing the gap between the two of you. He's looking at you so intensely that your skin sets itself on fire. 

"I often think about burying you under the kitchen patio too." Damian sneers, with a sharp grin. 

You snap out of your daze. Leaning in close and smiling, your hot breath fan against Damian's face.  "Will you do it affectionately?"

The moment hangs still in the air.  If you could capture it in amber, you would.

"Huh? This is new." You say, looking down at the glass case.

"How many times have you seen this exhibit?"

You preemptively shoot him an accusatory look. "What are you?"

"Concerned."

"Pfff!"

You lean down reading the plate. "Says here it's a letter from the late 1700s and early 1800s. An unsent letter to lost love."

"Sounds cliched." Damian says, leaning down next to you. 

"You've said that about everything."

You feel Damian stiffen beside you. You glance at him. He looks mortified. Your eyes follow his and land on the letter. The calligraphy looks familiar but you can't think of where you've seen the scrawl.

Damian tugs at your shoulder.

"(Y/n), let's go."

You shrug him off.

"(Y/n), let’s go." He repeats with increased urgency.

You shove your palm to his face.

Damian wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You flail and kick out childishly.

“Damian Al Ghul Wayne, I will gnaw your arm off.” You hiss but he doesn’t let go. In a last ditch effort to break free of his hold, you wriggle out of your coat.  Landing on your ass, you scramble for the glass case. 

My beloved (Y/n), 

Finding the words to tell you how I feel about you is not an easy feat. I feel as though Ibn Hazm himself would struggle to compose poems to express my feelings for you even then they would be inadequate.

Whilst we are surrounded by such death and misery, here in London, I want you to know that during these dark times, it is you that keeps me a light. It is you that leads me through the void and guides me.

I think I’ve always loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on your beautiful lopsided smile. Yes. Your real smile. The one only a handful of people will ever see. I have been lucky enough to see it every day.

As time passed, I fell more and more in love with you. You have seen all of me. You have seen the monster within me and yet you still stand by my side. Never faulting in your stance.

I wish I had the strength to tell you this, face to face. I wish I could look into your eyes and whisper words of love my immortal beloved.

With Love, 

Damian

You stare at the letter uncomprehending. Realization slides off of you like rain off a tin roof. You read it over and over again until each syllable is embedded in your mind. “Damian, what the actual fuck?!”

“I-”

“You dork!”

Damian clams up unable to think of a response. Ok, no. He had a number of responses but none of them were appropriate or witty. He searches your features but the only thing he can make out is shock. 

“(Y/n), I was-”

You press your hand to the glass. “How come you never sent me this?”

“The French Revolution.”

“Which one?”

He crosses his arms raising a brow. 

“Ok, nevermind. But still, it’s been 200 years.”

“A lot has happened in 200 years.”

“A lot has happened in 200 years.” You repeat mockingly.

Damian pinches your cheeks in retaliation.   

“I was pinning for more than 200 hundred years!” You protest. 

“So was I!” Damian says, releasing your cheek. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” Damian asks, accusing and curt. You flinch, something vile and caustic rising in your stomach.  Damian sees it and grips your hand as you fall away from him. He just got you back. “(Y/n)....”

The fear and hurt melt off of your face. “I thought… I just thought you’d...” You ball your fists in frustration, not quite grasping the right words. But Damian already knows what you’re thinking. He’s seen that look in your face. He’s seen it every time you look at the mirror. It was infuriating to watch you like this. Why couldn’t you see just how perfect you are?

Damian pulls you into a hug, burying your face into his chest and resting his chin on top of your head. 

“You are infuriating.” He mumbles into your hair.

“And you’re rude.” You mumble back.

“Yet here you are 400 years later.” He laughs softly. 

You two stand in silence for a long moment. With Damian, silence itself was a language. It was one you’d grown fluent in. An unspoken conversation of confirmations and reassurances. 

He releases you but holds your hand in his. It feels warm. You shiver and Damian smiles at you, smooshing your coat into your face. Both of you can’t help but laugh. 

You step closer to the glass case, pulling him along. Damian follows without resistance, only lacing his fingers into yours. You both stare at the page. His proclamation of love carefully preserved for all to see. You take your phone out to take a picture.  Damian shoots you a glare. 

“You’re not sending that to Jon.” 

“Tim then.”

“No.”

“Fine, for myself then.” You pause seeing the confusion on his face. “In case, you know...” You say waving your hand. 

Damian tilts your chin up. “Beloved, I’m not going anywhere.”

Your chest flutters. After centuries of inaction, you can feel your heartbeat.  

[cazzyvintage]

Hold on I still need you

Author's note: This was a request from anon, I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get to it but here you are. I hope you are also doing okay and have a lovely day. If you ever want to chat, any of you, my DM's are always free. I've also decided not to tag anyone in this fic as it deals with triggering themes and I don't want to tag people if it could potentially trigger them. Oh and if for some crazy reason you want to be even sadder I based the plot also on the song 'hold on' by chord oversheet so uh listen to that if you wanna be in the feels.

Synopsis: Request from anon: Can I request a sui*idal reader? Like they have thudding thoughts, the whole day her head is buzzing. Then they decide to do IT (you can decide how) and Zemo walks in and becomes heartbroken and floooooofff pls

Word count: 2k

Warnings: MENTIONS OF S*ICIDE, if you don't think you'll be okay reading it then please don't, your mental state always comes first, lots of angst followed by slight fluff, overdose

Masterlist

(Please check out my master list to see what I will be writing next and if requests are open or closed)

Cross-posted to ao3 under the same username

They wouldn’t miss you

You’re just an inconvenience to them

He doesn’t care for you. It’s all a huge prank.

It would be better if you leave

You groan in anger, hitting your head slightly to get those thoughts out of your head, but no matter how much you willed it, they would not leave you alone. Each time you tried to resolve one thought, reflecting on reasons why they do like you, your mind instead found persistent reasons for why they didn’t. Every small thing they have done which seemed off weighted down on your mind. Especially Zemo. Why didn’t he kiss you goodbye this week like he had done other weeks? Your logical side tried to argue that he simply forgot, but your paranoia always got the best of you. There is more. There has to be more. Another reason for him to avoid you. To hate you.

You didn’t want to be one of those girls whose entire life revolved around their boyfriend. You had your independence, your responsibilities, your hobbies. But these days they seemed so bland. They didn’t excite you the way they once did. Things you did for fun now felt like a chore to you. Doing anything these days felt exhausting. You knew it was annoying Zemo by how much time you spent in bed, how you stopped organising dates. But how could you find the will to do anything when you were so exhausted of life? It wasn’t as if you wanted life to end for you; it was just that you needed a break from being alive.

If you thought about it, it was the best option, right? You would finally get your peace. Your friends didn’t have to pretend to care about you anymore. Zemo could move on to date someone he actually loved. He wouldn’t feel like he only dated you out of pity. This was the best outcome. It had to be.

One of the worst things was the last walk. Your footsteps echoed along the pavement as you walked to yours and Zemo’s house. It was almost as if everything was going in slow motion for you. The corners of your eyes were blurred as you just concentrated on the path ahead. The usual outside sounds were faded, muffled to you. Instead, that singular voice inside of you rang out clearly.

‘I’m going to do it,’

Just that, again and again inside your head, unrelenting. It was as if you were still trying to convince yourself to go through with it by repeating it. Your legs felt like stone as you forced yourself to continue to walk to your resting place. Your breath quickened as you approached the door.

Walking in, you were barely coherent. Zemo was still out. He should be gone for the next few hours. That’s plenty of time. You felt a pang of guilt in your heart as you thought about him. How would he react to seeing you? You didn’t want to think about it and thankfully if all goes to plan you would never would.

You manage to find yourself in the bathroom, locking the door behind you. By the window was the medicine cabinet. Stored full of many painkillers for the headaches Zemo often got. Often his past would come back to haunt him. Shakily your hand reaches up to grasp the door handle and open it up, your eyes focusing on all the orange pill bottles that cluttered it. You weren’t focusing as you reached to grab them, your hands instead accidentally knocking them to the floor.

Swearing under your breath, you rush to pick them up, feeling your eyes water up. Finally, you felt you had enough. Swallowing one last time, you open your mouth and down the hatched.

-

Zemo’s hands clutched the bouquet. The smell of sweet roses floating off them. Roses were typical, but always one of your favourite types of flowers. His hands gently graze against the box held in his trousers pocket. A reminder of the task that had been making him nervous for the last month. To propose. No matter what happened, the time had never felt right. He wanted it to be meaningful, for it to be special. After losing his last family, he wasn’t ready to let someone like you go away.

Still, he worried for you. Your behaviour had changed over the last few months and though he tried to ask you about it, you had always shrugged it off. It was nothing. You were fine. It wasn’t nothing. You weren’t fine, and he hated that you didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth. That is why he was determined tonight was the night. He’d show you just how much you meant to him, and maybe then you would trust him enough to open up.

“Y/n?” he called out as he walked into the house. He’d taken the afternoon off for this moment, preparing it down to the tiniest detail, and finally, it was all falling into place. Now he had to just find you.

“Y/n?” he called out again

He paused, waiting for a response, but furrowed his eyebrows when none came. That was odd. You were always back by this time.

He started to walk around the house, checking in every room for you. As he found every room empty, his voice rose higher as he became more panicked.

Reaching the final floor, his eyes focused on the closed bedroom door, dread pooling into his stomach. The roses slip from his hand and the petals broke off as they hit the ground. His feet were already rushing to the door, his hands reaching for the handle, but no matter how hard he would push it wouldn’t give away.

“Y/N!” he shouted, hitting his fist against the wooden door in a desperate attempt that you might still be awake. He pushed his shoulder against the door with all his strength. The lock strained, giving crack to a single strain of hope for him.

He pushed his weight against it again, and then again, and finally; it broke. He stumbled, almost falling to the floor as the door burst open. He glanced around and his skin went cold as he saw you laying there surrounded by empty pill bottles. His legs folded as he collapsed beside you, pulling you close to his chest. His ears were ringing and his eyes were blurry as his fingers rested against the pulse in your neck, his head resting against your chest as he prayed for something, some sort of life.

A sob echoed from his throat, whaling coming deep from inside his chest. “Please,” he cried out, “Don’t you leave me. Not you too”

The tears streamed down his cheeks, falling on your pale, clammy skin. “Y/n” he whispered, his fingers still pressed against his pulse.

And then if by a miracle he felt it, hardly there, but he felt it, he’s sure he did. A beat.

He had already gathered your body in his arms and was racing you to the car. Ambulances would take too long. He had to get you to the hospital now. He was driving well over the speed limit but fines could easily be paid, your life couldn’t.

He swerves in and out of other cars, desperately trying to avoid any traffic, almost causing traffic by how carelessly he was driving. He could hear the cars honk at him, the expletives shouted, but none of that phased him. All that mattered was getting you to that hospital and thankfully, it paid off. He was at the hospital in a matter of minutes.

Grabbing you off the seat, he runs into the hospital holding you bridal style, screaming for help. The poor receptionist looked traumatised as she saw your ghostly pale head swinging as Zemo rushed towards the desk.

Quickly nurses had grabbed a hospital bed, and Zemo carefully placed you onto it. As they carted you away, Zemo grasped your hand, determined to follow you. He was instead forced to let go of you. He argued relentlessly to them that he needed to be there; he had to be there with you. Didn’t they know who he was? He got everything he wanted if he so asked but now he was forced into the waiting room along with everyone else. He couldn’t be with you, and it was killing him.

He paced around the room anxiously. People watched his stressed-out self as he ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up. Occasionally his hand would flicker down to his pocket where the ring rested and a lump would come to his throat. Every time a nurse came into the waiting room, he would instantly turn to them, hoping that it would be about you. But it wasn’t and so he was left with his thoughts again as he went over in his mind what he had done wrong for you to ever want to do that. It must have been something he did. The way he treated you. Something he said. The blame rested solely on him.

Finally, the nurse came in, looking for him. As soon as she said the words, he was rushing to your room. As he reached it, he burst through the door, his eyes focusing on the bed in front of him.

There you laid peacefully.

Asleep.

But alive.

The next few hours he spent sitting beside you, just staring at your peaceful face, his hand grasping yours. The nurses tried to get him to leave, claiming you would be asleep for a few hours, but he refused. He had to be there when you woke up. He couldn’t imagine leaving you to wake up on your own.

After a few hours, your eyes finally crack open as you awake. As your senses come back to you, you could feel something holding your hand. Moving your head slightly, you saw Zemo beside you.

As soon as you moved your head he perked up and a wave of relief washed over him seeing you awake.

“Y/n, oh thank god,” he whispers, squeezing your hand tightly.

“Zemo? Where am I?” You ask.

“You are at the hospital after you… well,” he trails off, the word getting chocked in his throat as he thought back to what happened.

Your eyes started to swarm with tears as you feel guilt wash over you, knowing what must have happened for you to end up here with Zemo.

“Zemo, I’m so sorry”

“Please don’t apologise, you don’t need to apologise” Zemo instantly says, sorrow deep within his eyes, “But please, tell me what I did wrong. I can’t lose you y/n, so whatever it is, whatever lead you to that tell me”

“Zemo, it isn’t your fault. You’ve been perfect, you always have been. It’s me, it’s all me. It was so stupid of me Zemo, I shouldn’t have put you through something like that”

His grip on your hand tightened as he leaned over to put his hand on the side of your face, making you turn to look at him. “Don’t say that. You are not stupid. Far from it. Now please, tell me the real reason”

You sigh, leaning into his hand. “I didn’t feel worthy of you. Of anyone. I’m tired Zemo, I’m so tired and you deserve someone who can give you their all. And that isn’t me. I don’t feel alright and I’m not sure if I ever will again”

Zemo’s thumb strokes your face in comfort as he looks at you before deciding to get up and get on the bed next to you, pulling you into a hug in the tight space you two had. “I love you y/n, if anything I do not deserve you. I understand how you feel and I know you will feel better in time, with help you will be. I will ensure you get the best help and will be with you every step of the way if you will have me”

He clasped you as you cried into his chest, his whispers of comfort and reassurance settling deep within yourself. You knew things would be hard; you knew you would doubt yourself again; you doubt him. But a part of you knew that with Zemo beside you, helping you, loving you. You could pull through.

A/N: If you made it to here I salute you for getting through the angst. Just remember you are never alone and if you are ever feeling in a bad way don't be afraid to reach out, I love you all 💕

[charmingyong]

Make a Wish, Boy

Genre: Jaehyun x fem!reader, angst, fluff

Warnings: self doubt/insecurities

Word count: 1.7k

Plot: After Jaehyun’s ex crushed his confidence, he met you. The same girl that his genie hyung tended to.

A/N: Sequel/spinoff to Make A Wish, Girl but you don’t have to read that one. Something @cosmiclatte28​ suggested and I wanted to write months ago and I finally did it :D This is the official end.

- ❀ -

A heavy weight on his shoulders had never left Jaehyun ever since his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, dumped him. It was more her words that devastated him than the actual breakup as he had seen it coming with her growing disinterest in him.

“You’re not the same as I thought,” she reasoned. “You’re so clingy and emotionally sensitive. It’s really annoying.”

Her reply made all the self love he tried so hard to build over the years crash down at his feet.

Jaehyun pressed the button for the elevator and let out a long sigh. An old friend of his from school times moved into a nearby apartment, and so he decided to make a trip and visit Jungwoo.

He watched the red lighting display above, the numbers slowly decreasing as the elevator descended. During the wait, he felt a presence beside him and turned his head to quickly glance at his temporary lift buddy.

Only for the air to get knocked out of his lungs when he saw your face.

You were the same girl in the biodata he suggested to his Taeyong hyung, and he then realized that this was the same address he read on there.

The elevator doors opened and you walked in casually, pressing on the button to your floor. You noticed that the boy you stood beside didn’t budge from his place as he gawked at you.

“Are you gonna come in?” you asked, holding onto the button that kept the doors open.

He shook out of his thoughts and hurriedly jogged in. “Sorry,” he muttered while avoiding your gaze shyly.

You hummed. “It’s okay. Where are you heading?”

He was about to press the button for Jungwoo’s floor until he noticed that it was already lit up. “Oh. Same as yours.”

“Ah.” You flashed him a genuine smile and Jaehyun’s heart melted at the simple gesture.

When the doors opened, you strolled out with him following behind. Jungwoo’s suite arrived first, making him halt in front of his door.

“Oh! You live here? I live right next door,” you mentioned with a lively beam.

It was way too fast for him to move on this quickly, especially with the existing insecurities. But he couldn’t help it when his heart combusted at your bright self and you had only met him a few minutes ago. “Actually, it’s my friend’s place.”

Your face fell slightly at the reply and he sensed it, immediately adding, “I don’t live far though. I mean that’s if you want to... um... meet me again.”

Oh shit.

No.

Please say no.

He regretted blurting it out.

But the beautiful smile that formed on you afterwards made his heart drop.

“Sure! I’d love that.” You pulled your phone out and clicked on the screen while Jaehyun grew restless.

He shouldn’t have. This wasn’t right. He’d only drive you away just like his ex.

“You can put your contact in here,” you said and handed the phone to him.

He slowly took hold of it and hesitantly added his name and number before giving it back.

You grinned upon reading his name. “It’s nice meeting you, Jaehyun. I’ll text you later. And oh! I’m Y/N.” You nearly forgot to introduce yourself.

But even if you hadn’t, he remembered your name. “It’s nice meeting you too, Y/N,” he responded with a forced yet excited smile.

You headed towards your door and right before stepping out of his sight, you waved your hand happily, in which he mirrored with an anxious heart.

Once gone, he turned to ring the doorbell but his friend had beaten him and swung the barrier open, a mischievous smile plastered on Jungwoo’s face. He had heard and seen everything through the eye hole.

“So?” Jungwoo was excited to hear the details from his friend about the next-door girl that he had bumped into once.

Jaehyun heaved out a sigh and walked past him. “Just someone I met on the elevator.”

“And you gave her your number. Wow, I didn’t think you’d get over your ex that fast.”

He didn’t. He was still emotionally scarred after exposing his vulnerable side. Jaehyun hated feeling this way, regretted putting his heart on his sleeve. “I’m worried she’ll leave me.”

Jungwoo tutted, disapprovingly shaking his head. “Tell her the truth. Honesty is the best policy.”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun sprinted with his pounding heart. He spent way too long striding around in his home that the time now read 2:05 pm.

Five minutes past the agreed time for meetup.

His hair was a complete mess, having ran through them constantly due to stress. He texted to inform you of a delay due to an unforeseen circumstance. It technically was one, when he didn’t think the fear would get to him this bad. He was a little relieved when you replied back.

Y/N: Oh! Dont worry about it. I’ll be waiting for you :)

You really were an angel that he didn’t deserve to ruin.

Sipping on the cappuccino, you hummed in a delightful tune while waiting for the boy. Waiting didn’t bother you as long as you weren’t being stood up and were informed about it. It was only for a matter of minutes and you’d forgive him ever since receiving multiple frantic apologies and assurances that he’d be there soon.

While taking another sip, the door to the café burst open, and you smiled upon seeing the flushed boy.

He spotted you right away and jogged over. “I’m so sorry! I- I was troubled with something.”

You shook your head. “Don’t worry about it. But what were you troubled with? Anything I can help you with?”

Jaehyun gawked at you, amazed that you’d be really calm despite the wait. If he did that with his ex, he’d have to make it up to her.

He really didn’t deserve you.

He sheepishly smiled. “Well, it’s something I wanted to talk to you about anyway.”

“Ah.” Admittedly, you were anxious with what he had to say, seeing that he was troubled by it before the meetup. “What is it?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and released a deep breath. “I...”

You waited patiently with your entire attention fixed on him.

“I have problems.”

You stayed quiet, unsure what he meant.

Jaehyun looked away from you, his saddened eyes clearly evident. “Like problems in me,” he continued.

You blinked. “I really don’t understand. What problems do you have?”

Jaehyun sucked in a breath and thought back to his ex’s words and listed them off to you. “I’m clingy, emotionally sensitive, overprotective, don’t know how to give space...” he spoke quietly.

When he didn’t continue after trailing off, you urged him gently, “And? So... these are the problems you think you have?”

He shook his head. “I know I have them. It’s the reason why my ex-girlfriend left me.”

You hummed. “Good thing she left.”

Your words stung him hard. He should have seen it coming, yet had a little hope flickering inside that you might be different and tell him that his ex was bad. Looked like he was wrong. He really was all the supposed bad things that his ex had mentioned, and he felt like digging up a grave for himself, hoping he could vanish from the face of the earth.

Until you continued.

“She doesn’t deserve you, making you feel like something is wrong with you when the problem is in her. She couldn’t understand you and that’s her issue. These aren’t problems, Jaehyun. Everyone is different. These so called problems sounds more like you’re the caring type and I like that.” You reached forward to put your palm up, silently asking for his hand. He placed his in yours hesitantly, his heart melting when you curled your fingers around his, rubbing circles with your thumb on the back of his hand.

Jaehyun loved feeling the butterflies in his stomach from your touch and wished you wouldn’t stop the interaction. “You really don’t think I’m bad?” he asked with a hopeful shine in his eyes.

You shook your head, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Nope.”

He sighed, looking down at the table. “You will when you spend more time with me.”

When he didn’t hear your response, he lifted his gaze to see you staring intently at him. You remembered feeling this way, heartbroken a few months back when your ex cheated on you. But thanks to Taeyong, you healed and were now the best version of yourself to date.

And like the way Taeyong helped bring your shine back, you were going to do the same for Jaehyun. With determination in your eyes, you said, “Wanna bet?”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun walked back to his place and was startled to see a figure lazing on his couch. He jumped and placed his hand over his heart. “Oh gosh, hyung! What are you doing here?”

Taeyong huffed. “Well, of course I would only be here to discuss about one thing.”

“What is that?”

“Y/N.”

Jaehyun pressed his lips and looked away.

The genie sighed. “Your breakup really took a toll on you and I notice it every day. But you have to understand that Y/N went through the same thing before. She’ll understand you better than anyone else can. You have to trust her word.”

Jaehyun scrunched his face in confusion. “Her word?” 

Taeyong smirked, silently thinking back to your meetup at the café with Jaehyun where the genie was present in disguise to hide himself. “I overheard the bet.”

-

Jaehyun furrowed his brows. “What bet?”

You smiled, pleased that he was going to give you a chance to prove him wrong. “Let’s say one month. If in one month I run away, I’ll go back to my ex and beg him to take me back.”

His jaw dropped at the absurdity. “You wouldn’t do that.” It didn’t make sense to him and you shouldn’t have to do that.

You crossed your arms and leaned back against the chair, smiling confidently. “That’s how confident I am.”

He gulped nervously. He couldn’t let you do such a thing if you lost. Jaehyun was going to have to get over his internal battle and learn to love and accept himself wholly. “What if you win? What if you don’t leave me in a month?”

A wide grin took over your features, making your eyes crinkles happily. “I want be your personal genie. I’ll make every wish of yours come true.”

[beautifulletdownfics]

Nothing To Him - A Harry Styles One Shot

Harry Styles is a liar.

He lied your whole relationship.

He promised to love you forever and then he walked away.

A lovers to nothing break up fic feat. blisters, heartache & two sides to one story.

Word count: 15k (Sorry! You’re going to want to open this little pal in a browser window probably. Eek)

Story Playlist:

The First Lie: Damn This Love - Thirsty Merc The Second Lie: Do You Remember - Jarryd James The Third Lie: Nebraska - Oh Wonder The Fourth Lie: I Saw You - Jon Bryant The Fifth Lie: Here We Go - Emily Hearn The Sixth Lie: Crying Dancing - Nina Nesbitt , NOTD

+

MY MASTERLIST.

+

The first lie was that you were different.

Harry felt different with you.

You just slipped into his routine and his life. You didn't buy into the spectacle of it all. You told him on your first date that you didn't play games, and that it wasn't often you connected with someone on an intellectual or emotional level. Harry sat there and listened to the woman across from him say she didn't expect to finish the date still attracted to him.

And he fucking loved it.

The next morning he called you at quarter past eight, because he figured you either started work at eight-thirty or nine o'clock, so he'd catch you on your commute or just before you walked into the office. You answered your phone like you would a business call. He teased you for it, but really he was just glad you answered at all. It felt like getting test results telling Harry he was in the clear.

The truth was when Harry first met you at the birthday party the night before he'd been angling towards you being a hookup. He saw you across the bar as soon as he arrived, gaze zeroing in on your legs in That Dress, his ears leaning to the sound of your laugh pulling eyes from around the room. Harry wanted you, and he'd been through a bit of a dry spell. You radiated the kind of energy Harry could get drunk on, the sort of body he wanted to lose himself in for a night.

It was almost an hour before he managed to edge into the same circle of bodies as you. You knew the birthday girl the same way he did; through work. Harry caught early on that you didn't still work for his record label, but did a few years before and stayed in touch with everyone. You seemed like the kind of person who collected people, who everyone wanted to keep in touch with. Harry just wanted to touch you.

Two tequilas in he got you to himself.

You were good at flirting, which excited Harry initially. You had a quip for everything or an interesting addition to each story he told. You were well-read and well-travelled, and you weren't hesitant in showing Harry that you had opinions and ideas of your own. Over the years he'd become good at getting people to talk, good at asking questions that make someone share themselves because the alternative—Harry sharing himself—wasn't something he could do. But something about you and the way you framed questions made Harry feel like it was safe to share a little more, you'd disarmed him quietly, and by the time he noticed Harry didn't feel the need to protect himself anymore.

"That's bullshit," you'd told him when he said he wasn't all that into contemporary fiction. You hated the artsy elites who listed off the Hemingway's and the Kerouac's and the Vonnegut's as though the only literature worth mentioning came from lifetimes ago. Your hair swished back and forth at your cheeks as you shook your head emphatically, "You're being lazy. Imagine saying the same about modern music."

Harry's lips ticked up into a smile, and he raised his eyebrow in concession, "That would be bullshit," he agreed, thinking of the album he'd just released and how he wanted to know if you'd listened to any of his stuff. (Very quickly he decided he probably didn't want to know because it stuck Harry the answer would be no.) His eyes couldn't pull away from watching your lips as you spoke, admiring the shade of lipstick you wore.

"Right," you continued, "Modern fiction teaches me about myself, about my life. It gives words to what my friends and I are experiencing. The classics are amazing—don't get me wrong—but I don't see myself in them."

"Seems like your criteria stem from narcissism," Harry was sure he had you there. He grinned at you happily.

"Exactly," you agreed without hesitation, "Maybe 'Hills Like White Elephants' is genius, and as a woman, I should be grateful to Hemmingway for horrifying his audience in 1927 with a normalised view of abortion but … I don't think he wrote that for me. He was challenging ideas then. I feel more connection and loyalty to an Instagram poet who's painting the world that actually matters to me, the world I'm trying to survive now."

Harry hums into his drink and says nothing. He expects you to back away a little, or ask him some question that watered-down your view and opened up the table to his. But you don't. You let your view sit on the slice of the bar between you and don't apologise for it.

"There's a reason artists burst out of every generation," you add, sitting forward on your stool. "If the classics were the perfect form, the perfect commentary of humanity, then there'd be no need for anyone after them to bother trying to put the world and life into words, or pictures, or music. You can't just dismiss a generation of voices because some smelly, old, white, university hasn't decided to name a building after them yet. I don't think being published as a little orange Penguin Classic is the singular hallmark to good literature."

He didn't entirely agree with you, (he thought it was vital to learn from the past, thought those great authors you reeled off and dismissed set the benchmark artists today should aspire to) but Harry liked hearing your thoughts and seeing the passion burst out of you. He liked seeing how you didn't second guess yourself or try to soften your opinion by asking for his. You just said what you thought, and that was always one of his favourite characteristics in a person.

That night you met him, you were the designated driver for a few of your friends. He should have noticed the way you switched to pineapple juice after you finished your first drink, but he was too busy trying not to look at the curve of your thigh when you crossed one leg over the other. Trying to ignore the smell of your perfume or how you kept licking your lips and he wanted to taste them, desperately. Harry didn't like to say anything when he offered to buy you another gin and dry. Still, when it eventually came out in conversation—that you were strictly only having one tonight—he felt his excitement deflate. His warm buzz suddenly felt pervy and presumptuous.

"Well, that's bloody annoying, isn't it?"

His response surprised you, "Me getting my friends home alive?"

With his hand comfortably resting over your knee, Harry shook his head, "I was hoping to go home with you."

"Oh."

You blinked at him, not having expected him to be so bold. You didn't hate it though, you felt the twinge of realising you were going to miss something that could have been good. Could have been great, probably. The last time you had sex had been … sad. And disappointing. Still, you hadn't come out to meet anyone tonight, why the sudden rush of despondency? These were old work colleagues you rarely saw, and you figured it would be a night of catching up before six months of not seeing each other because life got in the way.

Then Harry asked for your number. Asked if you'd go out with him the next night. He didn't beat around the bush with it, he wanted to see you again and told you so. The way you said you would filled him with relief but also fear. Harry knew he'd need to really deliver with you, he couldn't half-arse it. He was terrified he'd overshoot it and lose the change to be someone who impressed you.

He settled on a Sunday evening picnic where the two of you ate takeaway on a beach towel at the top of a park halfway between your houses. Something told Harry you would be happier with him underplaying the date than you would be getting taken to an expensive, showy restaurant. You wore jean shorts and a long sleeve jumper which churned his body more deeply than the dress with the split from the night before. He was hooked.

"Do you not like olives?" Harry asked, sucking the oil off his fingers after just depositing one into his mouth. You instantly loved the way the inflection of his words rose at the end of his sentences, and you'd mock him for it your whole relationship.

You looked at the plastic container sitting between you, you'd been picking at the cheese and crackers, the antipasto was not your thing, "They don't seem like something humans should eat … Salty and rubbery with a tiny stone on the inside? No, thanks."

A laugh burst out of Harry's mouth as he picked up another green olive, "More for me then."

"I'm happy about the rosemary in these though," you held up a cracker before digging it into the hummus, a plastic-stemmed wine glass with a dry rose in your free hand, "You got the fancy ones."

"Only the best," Harry returned with a smile and then went on trying to playfully wedge more information from you about the secret poetry Instagram he was convinced you had. He was already feeling buzzed from the wine, but more from the way you kept looking at him and he couldn't catch a hint of you being anything other than yourself.

You didn't go home together that night either, despite The Kiss at the end next to his car. Despite Harry's hands on the back of your thighs as things got heated. The way the tips of his fingers feathered against the elastic of your knickers, just slipping under before pulling away. Your chests heaving together in a rhythm you'd never found with anyone else.

He felt like he had just auditioned for a part he wasn't sure yet that you were going to give him. Wine always heightened his anxiety, so Harry also wanted to appear controlled and measured. He wanted to be as thoughtful as you were. As connected to himself as you were to all your wonderful opinions and facts. There was some part of him that feared taking you home too soon might risk that being the only night Harry got. So he pulled away, kissed your cheek and promised to call you later on.

Somewhere along the line, Harry decided he wanted more than a little bit. He was greedy. Harry wanted the whole pie all to himself.

That was a theme, him wanting more. Even now, months since you've seen or heard from him. Harry always knew how to get you to take that one step out of your comfort zone, take that little bit extra risk. Letting go of him in one way felt like small release valve finally letting go. A tiny bit of your safety net tucking closer around you. A little quiet moment to take stock and check every part of you was still connected, still there. A deep breath in. A short pause of calming silence. Like getting your heart back … But then finding it didn't fit in your chest the same way anymore.

So you found it particularly cruel to have received a follow-up email from his assistant this week, checking to see if you were able to attend his show tonight.

The show that six months ago Harry drew you a mock ticket for and hand-delivered to you sitting outside in his garden with a tea and a biscuit. Even then, even as his girlfriend, you'd feigned not knowing if you could say whether you would attend. Now it felt foreboding, the way you'd pulled your features together thoughtfully and told Harry you'd have to see closer to the date. You waited just long enough for him to switch over into thinking you were serious before you laughed and told him of course and where else would I be?

Where else would I be, was right, in a sense. Because this is still your city, and you're here tonight. It's not his anymore. He moved soon after you broke up … Relocated to one of his—what was it you used to mockingly call them?—" location" homes. Houses you never saw in person. Places he never took you. Either Italy or France. Somewhere he could hide, be creative, recenter himself. All three of those things filled you with dread for different reasons.

Were you really going to go tonight though? Walk in through the front door of the venue with a ticket and barcode on your phone, sit in a crowd and listen to Harry for two hours? Look at him from across the room and just take it on the chin?

It certainly seemed you were dressed for it. And you were out of the house with time to get there. Would you get off the train at the stop though? Would you walk down the street with the bright sign his name lit up? Would Harry even know if you didn't go?

Part of you wonders if his assistant didn't mean to email you. Maybe she forgot you were no longer in Harry's life? Perhaps it was a scheduled email she forgot to stop? Probably it was Harry just being fucking nice, and polite, and worrying about how you'd feel if you were uninvited. Or if he didn't check in on you while he was here.

You accepted the reminder too easily and scolded yourself for it. His team was expecting you. Harry was expecting you. And now, sitting on the train and counting down the stops you felt caught. Felt like he had you again, even if it was just winning whatever tonight was.

Harry did always enjoy the chase. Admitted it himself, admitted to loving the beginning of meeting someone. Loving the audition process, the figuring each other out, the get. The Catch.

You wonder now if it was the chase he liked back then. Was it a thrill having you make him feel as though he had something to prove? Or was it Harry experiencing for the first time not having the upper hand, not having even the tiniest amount of weight around who he was count for anything. Now it felt like Harry was nothing but upper hand.

Whatever it was—the Chase, or your endless facts, pancakes on a Sunday morning—the part of Harry's lie about you being different that hurts the most is the way you bought into it so proudly. Wore it later as his girlfriend like a badge of honour. As though it signalled to others you'd been hard-won, and Harry was lucky to have you.

Different turned out to be such a dirty word.

Different turned out to mean nothing. To get you nowhere.

All different got you was Nothing To Him.

+

The second lie was that he saw a future with you.

Harry didn't shy away from talking about it. He made plans for you both.

Sometimes it was in the moments right before you both fell asleep at night, or in the final seconds before the kettle finished boiling. Always in some small window where his mind drifted and sat comfortably stagnant when all there was to think about was the next holiday you'd take together. Or what breed of dog you might have one day. Whether you wanted your kids to be close together in age or have larger age gaps between them. What you thought about silent retreats in Thailand.

He stored your answers away in the file full of you in his head or added them to the note on his phone with ideas for gifts for people or things going on in their lives he wanted to remember.

"My family have always had cats," he told you one night, fingers drawing circles around your bare kneecap, your naked thigh resting across his stomach, "When I'm settled I'd want to get a few of my own."

It was one of those hot summer nights no position felt comfortable for sleep, you raised your arms up over your head and stretched out further on the mattress, fingers dangling off the edge of the bed to feel the cold stream from the air conditioning unit above, "I don't trust cats. Isn't there something about them being evolutionarily build to hunt their owner?"

Harry turned his head to face you, "A fact for everything," he recited fondly, his common quip for your always having an answer for everything, "I'll let the cats hunt me, you'll be spared."

"As long as I can name them," you murmured, your eyes finally closing.

Close to three months later, an hour into unsuccessfully putting together a flat-pack shelving unit in Harry's garage, you heavily plopped yourself down on the concrete floor and hailed defeat. You tossed the small, silver Allen key onto the floor in Harry's direction and rested your chin in your palm.

A few minutes of watching his embittered attempts passed before he spoke.

"Hey Sulky, I can feel you looking at me," Harry was frowning at the short piece of timber in his hand, he was holding it next to what was supposed to be the base of the structure. This was your second attempt at pulling apart the shelves and starting again while you cursed the entire Swedish furniture empire. You were enjoying seeing Harry's stubborn frustration immensely.

He could be such a man sometimes.

"Yeah, 'cause you're hot," you said, mocking him dreamily.

"Ha ha," he drawled, rolling his shoulders back to try to regain his focus.

When he paused a moment later and looked up at you, his arms dropped as his brow softened and he let out a breath.

You grinned at him, "I'm pretty cute too, right?"

"All this shit is going to end up living on the ground because you're sabotaged the assembly!" He gestured wildly at the tools and spare paint colours for the house lying around you. His bike parts and the weird assortment of garden tools Harry collected were leaning against the wall waiting to be put on their new home as well, the shelf neither you nor Harry were skilled enough to put together.

"Baby," you began, but Harry waved you off, and you saw genuine frustration start to emerge on his face, "Okay! Okay, I'm sorry," you stressed, "Are you sure we're looking at this thing from the right way around? Maybe the designer meant for it to be wonky?"

He rolled his eyes at you. As if the mere thought anyone would design anything to look like the mess currently on the floor was purely preposterous—his temper for small frustrations on full display.

"Don't be rude!" You admonished, "It's a fucking shelf, we can do this, Harry."

It took you another hour and a half, but when it was done, Harry draped his arm around your shoulders, kissed you on the head and told you that you were the person he wanted by his side of all his future crisis. Someone to say to him, whatever the challenge was, it wasn't beyond him, wasn't something he couldn't handle or wasn't capable of.

You felt like you were floating that night.

It was one of those few times you could see your imprint on his life. See some evidence of it. There were shelves in his garage only there because you told him he needed storage there, and then you pushed him to keep trying assembling them. It was some proof you'd been in his life. An impression of your influence. A memory that would hover in his garage forever.

Two days after putting the shelves together, you and Harry had an argument about the plastic tubs he went off on his own to buy for all the loose bits and pieces he wanted to go on the shelves. You were annoyed he didn't purchase wooden ones, and he couldn't understand why it mattered that they were white plastic which would apparently be impossible to keep clean.

It's a garage, he thought, who's cleaning their garage?

And because arguments always dredge up things that they aren't supposed to, you made a jab about your relationship being secret.

You said something like, If I'd been able to come with you, we wouldn't be having this row!

Harry knew what you really meant straight away. You'd been together for more than nine months at that point, and nobody knew about it: nobody but your families and very very closest friends. There were no photos of Harry having lunch with you at a cafe, or of you walking a few steps behind him at the shops. Nobody had snuck a picture of you backstage at a show of his. He'd never appeared on your social media, even by suggestion, and Harry had never taken the risk including you on any private Instagram Stories.

Those photographs didn't exist, because those circumstances never had. There wasn't even a celebrity paper trail linking you to knowing Harry, let alone dating him. Harry didn't dedicate performances to you, or even to an unnamed significant other. You never got a song or an album dedication. Harry was so adamant on nobody getting wind of the relationship that sometimes it felt like … Like he enjoyed the sneaking around. The having a secret. (Later on, when you reflected on the relationship once it was over, you really weren't sure how there'd never been even one instance of you being seen coming or going from Harry's house. Hindsight made that feel suss to you.)

Most of the time you liked it, though, liked not having any fuss or interruption to your life but sometimes—a lot of the time—it felt like something silently eroding you from the inside—a silent acid eating your spirit.

But you'd never tell Harry that. Then anyway. Now … You're not sure what you'd tell him now.

The truth was a lot of the time you weren't sure how you'd managed to keep it going so long. Part of it was obvious, maybe, like not being in public together. But still, surely after being together months and having arguments about shelves you could afford a platonic appearing coffee trip or going for a run at the same time, together?

Instead, you'd gear up and run in opposite directions down his street. Or Harry would stay in the car while you went in for the coffee. You'd sit in a nosebleed seat if you went to a show, sneaking through some fire exit and into the main hallways of a venue with the public to get to it. You looked like a sad woman attending a gig on your own, not the girlfriend of the star.

Nobody would know you even knew the man up on stage. That you had something in the slow cooker at home for you both to eat when you got home, or that he'd stolen a tube of your favourite lip balm and had it in his blazer pocket for his set. Nobody would guess you made him late for the soundcheck with just a smile and the undoing of a zip.

Seeing him tonight would be just like it always was, you and Harry from across the room. But then not like always, because Harry wouldn't see you tonight. You wouldn't have the taste of a good luck kiss on your lips. Or the sound of Harry's warm-up in your ears. Yours was always an invisible connection that was kept invisible by design, and now being broken up, it looked no different than together. Not really.

Tonight though it would only be you seeing Harry. Like you see him on late-night talk show promotions and billboards. Like the times you get into an Uber, and his song is playing. How strange it feels, to have your heart crack in your chest again while also lifting somehow. Singing along with a song about you. Or hearing his laugh or even just Harry speaking, and being able to picture the exact expression that would go along with it.

Every raised inflection. Ever breathy giggle. Every brow crease at a thought that Harry was chasing or somehow unable to articulate. All of those turning into you picturing what he looked like every time he knew he was disappointing you. Every whined sorry and all the instances of him loving on you to move your mind away from his deficiencies.

"What's the plan for Y/N?"

If your relationship with Harry was a t-shirt, that would be the slogan across the chest. Those would be the words under the cartoon impression of you banging your head against a wall Harry's standing on the other side of.

How will Y/N get in? Who's staying behind with Y/N? Where will I meet up with Y/N?

There was always a question. Always a plan for you and it was decidedly separate to the plan for Harry. His team organised a second car or an earlier flight for you. A back entrance or some other smokescreen to keep you concealed. In the beginning, it felt like a kindness, but in the end, you were embarrassed by it. The bother, the way what started as a careful consideration for your wellbeing turned into something rotten that painted you a different colour to Harry and his public inner circle, the circle you were never invited or initiated into.

It was exhausting. But Harry assured you it was for the best.

You wonder what the future he saw for you really was though. How much further did Harry see a life like that going? A life with you perpetually operating under cover of darkness. A life of you decidedly not existing. Not really.

So when he said he saw a future with you, you're really not sure what Harry meant.

Did he mean one day he saw himself lifting the veil and telling the world he had a Someone? Or did he mean that he saw himself forever hiding you, forever living that lie?

Maybe he actually saw nothing.

Sometimes you could be convinced the fact Harry hid you was an action pointing to a more profound truth.

That the future he saw was an imagined indulgence; a convenience, and a comfortable lie. Comforting on a temporary level, like bowling alley bumper rails or the plastic covering on a new watch face. The fake sense of security—of protection, of immaculacy—was just that, artificial and temporary. It ceased to exist the minute you plucked the corner and pulled back the protective layer. Crashed as soon as the bumpers were flipped down.

You were a secret only Harry had any power over. He led from the front because you didn't know there was any other option. And in letting yourself be that, you made yourself easily dispensable.

Disposable. Replaceable. Erasable.

Which is precisely what happened when he left.

Harry left, and the You of the two of you ended. But more than any other relationship ever could, the silence that followed felt deadly. It wasn't just a relationship that once was, it was a relationship that never was. A year of your life made no imprint on his. Nobody looking at him could know there was anything—anybody—missing, and maybe that was the whole point.

Maybe that was the design of it.

+

The third lie was that you could tell him anything.

Harry's golden rule always was honest communication.

There's no such thing as an overshare, he'd say when you naturally hesitated.

He was all about that. All about hearing what was worrying you, or the mundane things that were going on in your world. Sometimes you felt like maybe it was an act because nobody had ever found your family, or your friends, or your life in general as interesting as Harry seemed to. He was always telling you he loved hearing the funny text conversations going on, or who was having a row and why, or what each of your friends was stressed about in their jobs or relationships or themselves. And Harry always said he loved hearing it from you the most.

(Now, that struck you as a strange thing to say. Where else would he hear anything about you? Harry was the only line connecting you back to him. You didn't have mutual friends or people who'd known you both before you dated each other. There was nobody for Harry to hear anything from. It's not like your friends were going to reach out to him with gossip about you. Not like how you could sneak a look at update accounts or read about his performance online while he was away.)

Still, you loved the stories he told from the road, ate them up. The missing coffee mugs where everyone got their caffeine fix served in wine glasses and lemonade tumblers for almost two whole weeks. And then the tour t-shirts accidentally ordered in bulk in children's sizes that Harry hand-delivered them to a local children's charity. The crumbs of gossip Harry picked up about who in his team was sweet on who (he loved a setup, loved watching crushes silently and awkwardly orbit around each other).

Your secrets were safe with him, he promised. He wouldn't ever judge you. Wouldn't dismiss your feelings or what kept you awake at night next to him. So you did it. You believed him. And you slowly drained everything inside of you into him. Harry got all your stories, even the ones you vowed to leave exactly where they sat in your past. Even the ones you felt like might kill you to dredge back up. The ones that made you look like a shitty friend or sister or daughter. He got them all.

And even now, he's still got them.

"What's the biggest lie you ever told?" He asked you one night in his kitchen, both of you elbow deep in making dinner. Harry rolled out the lines of gnocchi and cut the inch long pieces while you pressed them over a fork to decoratively indent them. (Although Harry likes to tell you how when he was in Italy he learned in patterns weren't just aesthetic—it was all about soaking up more of the sauce, For the sauce, of course! He'd sing out in an Italian accent, proud of himself.) "Like, a proper lie," he clarified, "Not like how you told my mum you didn't take sugar in your tea when you first met her."

You hinged your knee out to attack his calf for the teasing comment but then rolled your lips together in thought, "I lied to my parents a lot growing up," you told him honestly. "I think about eighty per cent of the time I wasn't where I told them I was. Definitely wasn't with who I said I was with."

Harry shook his head as he rolled out the next lump of dough, "No, I mean like … Like a lie."

A moment passed as you thought more deeply about the question, travelled around your memories until you landed somewhere suitable, "I lied to my boyfriend at university," you begin. "A pretty bad one, I guess."

"And the lie was …" Harry prompts.

"I told him I was a virgin before him."

Harry eyes raised, and then he nodded, accepting it, "I think that's probably a common one, really."

"I thought he'd like me more if I said it," I admitted quietly, pausing the work with your hands. "Wasn't too proud of losing my virginity in a tent in the sixth form … And I mean, at that age you just so desperately want to be the version of you that you think the people around you will like the most. A whole group of us went camping at someone's grandparent's farm during the summer holidays. Not sure how our parents let us, to be honest. Anyway, I had awful, painful, embarrassing sex in a tent with a guy named … Dylan Fraiser."

You were surprised by how long the name took to come to you. Years ago, that was such a defining event in your life. Now it hardly mattered at all anymore.

Progress, you thought.

"A tent," Harry winced.

"Really came back to bite me in the arse when my uni boyfriend went on to tell a group of his mates he was my first and—

—Tent Guy was one of them?" Harry guessed. Correctly.

"Yep. Small towns are a curse."

"I promise never to have sex with you in a tent," Harry teased, grinning at you over his wine glass and then leaning over to kiss your temple. He looked down at the line of gnocchi pieces you'd made together proudly, "We're alright at this."

"Hmmm," you hummed, now lost in the past, "I told that uni boyfriend him I loved him … I didn't though," you say without thinking, shrugging as the words came out, "I thought he was boring. But it was cool to have a boyfriend, so I didn't break up with him … Guess I've told more whoppers than I thought."

Harry gives you an understanding look, "I've said I love you to protect someone's feelings too. Thought it might come a little later, that I was just not feeling it as quickly as them."

It should have made you question whether Harry meant I love you with you. But it didn't. He was speaking in the past tense, and you were imaging that version of him being younger than the almost thirty-year-old you were dating. Now though … You wonder what love meant to Harry when you were together. Whether your wires were crossed by different definitions. Even now, you couldn't vilify him. Not completely. He was too thoughtful in general, there'd be a reason for it. There always was with Harry.

"What's your biggest lie?" You turned the exercise back on him, smiling as he refilled your wine glass and skipped a few songs on the playlist. These were your favourite moments with Harry. The end of the day, where you were the only thing on his to-do list. There wasn't a lingering work call, or a meeting to prepare for, an email to reply to. Harry was just finishing his day with dinner and some time at home. With you.

Harry gave you a withering look, "I think you know already."

"I don't," you said because you really didn't, "What was it?"

"There's no way I'll ever do anything else with The Band," he said tonelessly as he turned to rinse his hands in the sink, unable to look at you while he said it. And even then, Harry didn't admit to the lie. Didn't name it. He just said what the truth was instead.

"Why wouldn't you?" You asked, instead of what you were sure Harry thought you'd ask.

You weren't interested in why he told that particular lie though, the answer to that was pretty apparent to you: he cared about his fans—they all did—and didn't want to disappoint them. And they probably hadn't been able to deal with thinking about the ripples ending it completely, right off the bat, would have caused. Saying you were taking a break was a much nicer way to let a world of fans down. An easier pill to swallow than 'We're done' straight off the bat.

You gave Harry time to respond. He fiddled with the gnocchi pieces in front of him, waiting for the water to boil in the pot behind you both, "Not sure, really."

He was lying now, and you could tell. He was ashamed of the truth.

"You're not sure?"

"I just wouldn't, there's no one reason. No big thing. It's not like I hate them all or anything, I just …"

There was one big thing, though. And it was typical Harry to not be able to name it. He was always so in denial about his own arrogance, about what it was that drove him. Harry thought he was above them. His success since The Band far outweighed anything any of the others had done. Going back to that would be diminishing for Harry's career. Wouldn't help him any. He was stronger on his own, more successful. More widely appreciated. That chapter of his life was done, it had been a stepping stone—yes, a life-defining one—but Harry had moved to bigger and brighter stages on his own.

"It's not what you think," he told you lowly when you didn't ask anything further.

It was so typical of Harry to not see the forest for the trees. To not see how he, yet again, was blurring and confusing the lines between a business decision and an emotional, personal one. He was speaking about The Band emotionally, but his reason for distancing himself from it was all to do with business.

"It's not?" You asked plainly.

"I don't think I'm better than them or some shit," Harry said, "I just … That part of me is done. I'm not who I was back then, and I don't want to go back to that person."

"You also wouldn't get anything out of it," you prod, knowing that you shouldn't have. But it was true. So much of Harry's life was a business decision. Everything was so carefully done, so deliberately set into place by him and his team that results and his successes were almost guaranteed.

At the time, you didn't understand how he couldn't see it. Or you couldn't believe that he didn't. He was so calculating, and he hated you telling him so. But he was. He liked to say he wasn't defined by his job, but Harry's whole life was defined by his career, by the who he was.

He loved to spout off his public shit about staying grounded and having a life away from being Harry Styles ™, but he didn't let anyone see even a skerrick that life. The only thing Harry ever let be projected about him was his job, that was all was ever on the table for discussion. And so it was hardly surprising that became who he was away from the cameras and lights as well.

Hiding you was a business decision, you figured out in the aftermath of The End. It was his way of keeping the narrative about his music and career on track. As soon as there was a You, Harry's private life would distract from his real focus and goal, his career. And you mean, it's not like it didn't work for him. Because here you were, standing outside in the chilly night looking at his name up in lights.

Harry's name always looked so good up on billboards and the fronts of stadiums. You always used to tell him even the letters of his name were visually pleasing, they looked good together, like they fit. So you stand on the street across the road from tonight's venue and take it in—HARRY STYLES, SOLD OUT—for several minutes.

You don't know that you're ready for this. Seeing him. You've so perfectly avoided it until now. Until you felt like there was a promise you made lifetimes ago you now can't break. Even if you felt like he'd broken a thousand promises between the two points in time.

Where else would I be? you'd said when he first drew that stupid mock ticket.

Where else, indeed.

You scuttle across the street and sneak between people to get yourself in through the doors. Dodging lenders selling merchandise and ticket holders excitedly covering their painstakingly planned outfits with t-shirts Harry—aided by his perfectionism, you were sure— probably spent months deciding on.

The barcode won't scan though. And the usher at the door doesn't appreciate you pulling your phone back and trying to adjust the backlight, as though that will help the loud, angry sound his scanner is making each time he aims it at the email on your screen. He eventually reads part of your email and then tells you that you need to stand off to the side, barks something gruffly into his walkie talkie and dismisses you in favour of getting through the backlog of people behind you. You're filled with a white-hot embarrassment as you shuffle over and stand under a neon EXIT sign. A moment later you step forward and ask him to try again, but that doesn't get you anywhere different, and you think you're going to get in some kind of trouble when he insists Just stand back over there for a moment.

Your feet have already started hurting in your too-tight boots when finally the wall behind you opens up, and you very quickly come face to face with Harry's assistant.

"Y/N," she smiles, "I thought I said in the email to call me when you got here?"

You're dumbstruck, you didn't read the email, not properly. "I … I …"

"It's good to see you again," her smile hasn't moved, and it's genuine. She reaches one hand out towards you and deposits a VIP lanyard around your neck, "Follow me."

You get halfway down the emergency exit, and she sidesteps a security guard through a doorway, leading you into the veins of the backstage area where there's a familiar buzz of busy people you'd not realised you missed being around until now. Your heart is racing because you weren't prepared for this. You'd been deliberately dragging your feet getting here, and you've arrived barely fifteen minutes before Harry's due to go on stage. She's walked you right to the side of the stage where there's a curtain just to your left and scaffolding all around. You can hear the audience, and you know that one step through that curtain will take you to the pit side of the stage, where you'd seen Harry's family stand during shows before.

"He wanted to say hi beforehand but," his assistant looks at her watch, "But it's a touch too close now so are you okay if I leave you here for just a second? I'll be back in …" her eyes go back to her wrist, "Probably about twenty-five?"

"That's fine," you nod dumbly. "Are you sure this okay?"

You're looking around wondering if this is where Harry meant you to be. Really, you're sure this isn't where he intended you to watch his show at all. A few people are milling around but nobody you recognise, and you figure the majority of them are probably venue employees. Harry and his band would only walk through here at the very last second. He didn't like standing around beforehand with anyone who wouldn't be on stage with him. Harry got in his zone and needed to stay there.

When you look back at his assistant she's giving you a look you don't want to read too deeply, but it almost looks like pity, "Of course," she tells you, "I'll be back by the end of the first song."

"I might go stand through here now," you point to the curtain, preferring the thought of standing in the dark by yourself than waiting for Harry to walk straight past you during his thirty-second countdown. "Is that okay?"

You get a nod, and she tells you to grab a drink off the table behind you. Leaving you with your heart rattling and the heaviest lanyard you've ever worn burning through your shirt to your chest.

Finding a spot to watch the show was easy. You picked the furthest side of the pit, under the concrete overhand of the seats above, and stand in the shadows, only half the stage in your line of sight. It felt like a little cave almost, and you lean your back against the cold concrete and tap your boots together on the ground below you.

The area starts filling around you as members of Harry's team finish their part in preparing him for the show. There are a few women wearing belts with makeup brushes and combs peaking out of them, and two familiar faces from Harry's executive team. They don't see you, though, and you're glad. You watch the roadies' torches flash on the dark stage as they neaten up leads and manoeuvre over amp boxes double-checking the guitars are in the right order for the sets.

There's a movement in your periphery that draws your attention back, the group of people who joined you in the pit all gravitating towards something back at the curtain. And it's not until one of them steps to the side that you see the floating head that's poking through the dark material.

Harry.

He's staring right at you: no expression on his face, just his searching, green eyes that stop when they see you standing in the dark as far from him as you can possibly be. He takes half a step forward, and the shoulder of an expensive suit peeks out. You hear in your head echos of a moment in Harry's living room unpacking a delivery from Gucci, the way you nearly choked on your tea at the cost of a tailored trouser and his half frustrated dismissal, 'It's nothing, that's standard for me.' You felt small at that moment, thinking about how one of Harry's suits could pay for your education for a year, and that would be nothing for him.

You feel small now too. This isn't the space you're supposed to occupy.

The shadow of a frown barely cross his features, but then Harry tries to pull his dimples up to give you a small smile. But it's testing, it's not a confident smile or one he looks sure he's giving. Like he's smiling at someone he's not sure will smile back.

There's no way I'll ever do anything else with the band, he'd said.

But that wasn't the biggest lie he'd told, just the most public, the widest.

His deepest, biggest lie was you.

+

The fourth lie was that he loved you.

Harry was the one to say it first.

It came out like a compliment. A response to a fact of yours he'd particularly liked. A sort of well done, that was a good one.

It was nearly two months since you'd met, and what started as three or four dates a week morphed into you staying at Harry's house most nights. You spending your weekends off work trailing around after him on his errands or to work things, or hanging out alone at his place until he returned from them. A couple of times, you went to the same exercise class, which involved the two of you going separately and not interacting at all. Still, you'd peek at him from across the room and have to hold your giggles for later when Harry spent the hour concentrating beyond anything you'd ever seen just to stay in the seat of the spin bike.

Saturdays and Sundays he started taking off too though, around a month into dating you. No more 6am weekend PT sessions or midday conference calls with creative teams. The only work Harry allowed himself to do on weekends was housework. Laundry. Food prep. Touching base with his mum.

"Did you know blueberries are actually false berries?"

"No, I did not know blueberries are actually false berries," Harry parroted back to you. You catch the half rolling of his eyes at you where you're sitting up in your favourite spot on the bench next to the hob, peering at him keeping careful watch over breakfast: blueberry pancakes. He was wearing just his pants, chest bare and cool in the autumn morning air. You were rugged up in leggings and a sweater, unsure how he could stand being in such a state of undress.

"It's true," you reaffirmed your tidbit, popping a false berry into your mouth while Harry—with far too much concentration for the job at hand—dropped the small round berries on top of the batter sizzling in the pan. "Berries by definition are fleshy, pulpy ovary fruits that have their seeds embedded on the outside. Blueberry seeds are on the inside. So they aren't really berries."

"Ovary fruits?" He questioned, with a look of mild distaste.

Your shoulders dropped as you realised Harry knew less than you thought he did, "All fruit are ovaries, Harry. Think about it."

He does for a moment, and you can practically see the cogs turning. Harry thinking about how fruit grows on their plants and bushes and shrubs. The fact of what an ovary is when it comes to basic anatomy. And when he comes to the full circle of it, he groans, "That is so weird."

"I think it's cool," you grinned. "Like a little bit cannibalistic in a way."

He barked out a laugh at that, "I don't think that's what it is."

"Well, maybe not technically," you conceded, "But it's something … Really makes you rethink eating eggs."

"Oh my god," Harry was truly laughing then, "Stop, please."

"Sorry," you peeped with a cringed look, tossing back half a handful of the small, round fruit in front of you.

He was shaking his head at you, laughter bubbling out between his perfectly straight teeth, and then it just slipped out, "Fuck, I love you."

The words didn't bump over any hesitation. I love you, Harry said.

Your stomach dropped instantly, but the fond happiness dancing across Harry's face didn't go anywhere. He didn't look back at the pancakes or to where your hands were wringing together on your lap. Harry held your gaze and didn't dodge away from what he said at all. Like he knew you'd need a moment with it, that you weren't expecting him to just come out with that.

"I love you," he repeated after a moment, smiling when he saw your lips start to turn up, "I mean it."

Hearing him yell the same words through the microphone from stage sizzles your heart a little, like the pancakes that day crackled in the pan as Harry pushed himself into you on the kitchen floor. You remember the feeling of his hands under your clothes, your leggings barely halfway down your thighs before he was claiming you in a wave of lust, pushed by the new, invisible force in your relationship—love.

The floor under you now vibrates as everyone gets to their feet to join Harry dancing through his first song. You stare at him, daring him to look over at you but knowing he won't. The longer you stand there, the more you thaw out to it, the more you find yourself with a smile on your face and a slight sway to your hips. His music is fun and familiar and feels like clicking into place.

It's mesmerising. He's mesmerising.

You don't like admitting you'd forgotten how good at this he was. He has the whole crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. Even his crew around you are grinning ear to ear and singing along. Sharing private jokes between them and cutting dance moves in small groups as they watch the show. It's fun. And it reminds you that so much of your relationship with Harry was like that. That there were countless nights spent dancing in the living room or screaming at laptop screens doing board game nights with his family.

You'd forgotten that you could laugh so hard your belly hurt and that Harry was one of the few people who'd ever been able to get you to that point of joy. Watching him throw joy off the stage now at thousands of people was reminding you how very good Harry was—used to be—at making you feel like the only person in the world to him.

"Babe," his giggles filtered down the hallway and into the bathroom where you were plucking your eyebrows, "Babe! Come … Come see this."

You rolled your eyes as you put the tweezers down and padded into his living room, not at all surprised to see Harry pretzeled on his yoga mat in a fit of laughter. He did this a lot, called you away from a task or from work for something hilarious that ninety-nine per cent of the time wasn't hilarious at all. You'd end up snorting out laughter of your own though, at him.

Now, Harry had one of his feet hooked behind his neck while the other was prostrate on the floor behind him.

"You're doing great, baby," you condescended lightly, tilting your head to the side and frowning at his position. It looked awful and not at all calming, let alone comfortable. He wasn't a very good advertisement for yoga at all.

"They say this one's great for—great for," he giggled too much to get the words out, his arms holding his torso back so his legs would do what he wanted them to, he took a deep breath, "It's meant to be the yoga colonic."

Harry was heaving with laughter as he finally got it out, his position faltered, and you watched as his limbs all fell back to the mat as he leant forward cackling. You were grinning too, amused by how amused he was.

"Been feeling backed up, have you?" You asked him, crossing your arms as you hitch one hip out.

He rolled over on his back and wheezed out the final string of laughter, one hand holding his lower tummy as if it ached from the whole spectacle, as his other hand reached out for your ankle, "Come down here with me."

"Hmm," you hummed, pretending to be unhappy to be dragged down on top of him, your hips resting on his thighs as your chin propped up on your hands at his chest, "It's very entertaining how entertaining you find yourself," you mused.

Harry rubbed the tears from his eyes and then settled his hands on your back, breathing in the pleasant weight of you there, "I just—I was thinking about what they think the yoga colonic is going to do." His giggles started again, "Imagine being in a class and it literally working? Everyone just—everyone just shits themselves!"

You can feel his laugher, his bones pushing yours up as his whole body fills with his happiness. The stream of tears coming from the corners of his eyes start again as he squeezed his eyes shut while the sound of Harry's deep, uninhibited laughter filled the whole house again.

The memory brings back a smile, like so many with Harry do.

But there's still the Too Fresh Sting of your final moments with him, your last moments with him. You've not seen him since that evening months ago where you both yapped at each other things that couldn't be unsaid, unhappinesses that couldn't be reverted or unadmitted. It wasn't like the fights you had about Harry's casualised view of money and how he'd drop thousands of pounds on seemingly nothing without thinking how small it could make you feel. Or the times you'd snap in frustration when Harry tuned out of you complaining about an issue with your friends he deemed as superfluous or rooted in something silly or not as essential as the Important Thing He Was Planning. He could be so dismissive when he didn't think something mattered highly enough on his scale of measuring things.

The Harry dancing around on stage in front of you wasn't the man who said you were independent like it was a dirty word. Yelled across the kitchen that it was too easy for the two of you to be apart, you didn't miss him enough. The man who told you he didn't feel like you needed him, thought you were always standing with one foot out the door the whole time you were together. And you can remember being flabbergasted (still are, really) by what he was saying because it just wasn't true at all. You? Too independent? You spent every night at his house, and were at Harry's beck and call the whole relationship. And you can hear all the times you said 'what would I do without you?' when he talked you off a ledge or had answers to questions you believed to be unanswerable.

You can see how it was another classic example of Harry telling a non-truth to cover up what was really there. To distract from his own shortcomings. He accused you of what he was feeling, of his flaws. Making them your problem meant he didn't have to be vulnerable. Didn't have to take a risk his business manager hadn't guaranteed. Didn't have to gamble on your future together.

In the relationship, he always had the upper hand. And maybe you did have one foot out the door emotionally, but that was only because you had to. Harry never invited you in with him completely. You were always on the outer. After nearly a year of dating you were still The Girlfriend He Didn't Have.

But I fucking love you, he'd said when he sensed where that night was going. Like Harry had a list of grievances, and it wasn't until he got to the end of reading them out to you that he realised where it landed him. He told you he loved you as though it would erase all the things about you he seemed to dislike so much. Things about yourself you apparently couldn't see.

Hindsight has taught you that if anyone was too independent, or hesitant to commit fully in that relationship, it was Harry.

Halfway through his set, Harry's assistant comes over to check on you, and you end up chatting for a few minutes about how you've been. She speaks to you like there was some club you were a member of and she missed your meetings. Although neither of you references the breakup, or acknowledge in another life you had a lot more to do with each other, the unspoken things weigh on your chest. You find yourself wiping away a quiet tear when she walks back over to the main group watching Harry.

Of course, that's when he teeters over to your side of the stage and looks straight at you. His expression falls instantly, and you're sure that he only meant to glance at you in passing, but what he sees has him doing a double-take and fixing his gaze on you for two lines of the song he's midway through. He tugs on the collar of his shirt and Harry's eyes are desperately trying to read what you're thinking, just like that day he told you he loved you at the end of the breakup, as though you'd forget everything that came before it.

You stick your thumb out to him and give him your best fake smile. Like he might be led to believe you were crying about something else. As if you hadn't just pulled his attention from a room full of people who'd paid for his attention tonight. At that moment you think the fact there's a secret love and life between you must be too obvious to everyone else. There's a connection, something whirls around the room between you and it feels threatening and perilous to how you've been trained to think things have to be.

You wait until Harry turns and goes the other way across the stage before you push off from the wall and walk out.

At first, love was an encouragement between you. It was approval, a showing of appreciation. Love was a promise that was just for the two of you. A declaration that validated everything you were doing together. Love was a feeling that proved what every action meant.

Then, love was a bandaid, was a line used in desperation to fix something unfixable, and you walk the world with skun knees now because of it. Love was never just love. It was used to fix the wrong things.

And in the end, nothing healed at all.

+

The fifth lie was that he'd always fight for you.

Harry promised you that the two of you would make it work.

You'd make up after every argument, big or small. The little ones that were those tiny bickerings in the car which somehow roared into yelling matches. Or when one person's grumpiness from the day leaked into your evening together. You always expected his call or the long sigh that would precede his apology. You never got halfway home to your house if you left his after a row. He'd call and beg for you to come back, that nothing was worth you physically leaving being near him. You left knowing before the night was done the two of you would reconcile.

Until it was That Fight you were leaving after. The one that began The End.

It started because Harry was overseas for a few weeks. While he was away, you suggested the two of you going on a holiday together during the summer. An anniversary trip. From the other side of the world, it was easy enough for Harry to worm his way of out of it. He went off on a tangent about there being no holidays (rest) for the wicked and then got you talking about something else until you forgot how you'd been sold on the idea of lying on a beach with him for a week.

When Harry got home, you had it stored in an unhappy little pocket in your mind. Top of the agenda for when he returned.

"Can we talk about the holiday thing again?" You asked his first night home.

He sighed against you, his body gearing up for a reunion that didn't involve speaking, lips attached to your neck while his hands danced around the band of your bra, "Do we have to right now?"

"Well," your instinct was to back away from the tension rising between you, "I'd like to."

Harry pushed his hair up off his face and briefly looked at the ceiling, "I don't see how we can, babe. It's too hard, logistically. Just take a week off work and stay with me here."

"I already stay here," you counter, "I'm talking about a holiday somewhere. A beach. Or a ski resort. Something fun and different."

"Those places are all busy," Harry complained, his hands off you. He started to pack the dishwasher from dinner.

"I just want to go away with you, do something normal, you know?"

He clipped the side of the sink with a dinner plate and swore angrily under his breath, "Fuck."

"Don't get angry."

"I'm not fucking angry," he growled, tossing your forks into the plastic crate, "I just fucking got home, and you're straight into this. No 'I missed you so much' or 'It's so great to see you'… Just straight into going on a holiday as if I have endless time to mess about."

"What do you mean? We've just eaten dinner together, you told me all about your trip. I said I was happy to have you home!"

"Yeah, well, feels like you just don't give a fuck that I'm back."

You frowned at him starting to get annoyed yourself, "I cried on our FaceTime call on the weekend because I missed you! You have a lobotomy since then?"

"Don't yell," Harry instructed quietly like he was chastising a child for not controlling themselves.

"What's this about, Harry?" You asked. "Why is it such a crime for me to want to go away with my boyfriend?"

He sighed again, "It's not."

"Right," you crossed your arms over your chest and wondered how many times he could wipe down the chopping board.

Probably one more time.

"So …"

"So what?" Harry repeated, "What do you want from me?"

His words and their harshness shocked you, and that was the exact moment you started worrying this was going to turn into Something Else. Not just a Normal Fight.

"I want you to tell me why you're so annoyed by this?"

It would have been so easy for you to break down and scream about how insane it was that you were talking about celebrating your first anniversary with him and the relationship was still a secret. How badly you wanted to throw that out there, but there was a wise fear in you which said that would be a death wish. (That fact haunts you today, how you knew he'd never step out with you. There wasn't any hope in you or promise from him it wouldn't always be that way. You knew your place and where the boundary line was, don't push past this point. And you always behaved. Never peeped out of your box.)

"It's like you don't even need me," Harry said bitterly, "You're so fucking independent. What's the point?"

"What are you talking about?" You gushed, nearly swallowing your tongue when he turned back to look at you for the first time.

"You don't need me," he accused, "You've always got one foot out the door."

"I don't," came your defence, but you both knew it was the truth. You were halfway out the door because you hadn't been invited all the way in yet.

"You don't want this life with me," Harry shook his head, "You've never been happy where we are. Relationships don't work that way, you can't just keep demanding the same thing hoping you'll wear me down. That's not fair."

Tears shake out of your eyes slowly as your body catches up with what he's saying, "Harry."

"It's not fair!" He repeated loudly. "You can't keep on about it."

About what? You want to ask him because you hadn't mentioned a holiday until the week before. That's not what he was really angry about. He was talking about The Secret. And his guilt was showing. His anger was misdirected, aimed at the wrong thing. He muttered something to himself you didn't hear.

"I didn't hear that."

"I said," Harry looked up at you, and when your eyes clicked together you saw surprise rise and then quickly disappear as if he hadn't expected to see you there. "I said, I don't think we can keep doing this."

"You don't think we can keep doing this?" You repeated it because the words hardly sounded like English the first time you heard them.

I don't think we can keep doing this.

Harry stood across from you with no expression on his face. And it took a few moments for him to own up to what he said, but he does. He nods his head once, awkwardly, and then nods again.

"We can't keep doing this," he tells you, sounding defeated, and then his voice rises again—in pitch, not in volume—"But I fucking love you!"

But I fucking love you.

As if that was enough.

It was days of you expecting a call, and a make up that never came. Expecting the fight for your relationship Harry promised you he'd always put up. You wanted him to prove that you were someone he couldn't do without. You hated the thought of him walking around his house and not feeling the absence of you as some impossible weight he couldn't bear.

"Y/N!" Your name sounds out behind you, but you keep walking, an instantaneous decision that pretending not to hear her might work.

Unsurprisingly, it doesn't.

Harry's assistant keeps chasing you down the hall she initially led you through, calling your name and eventually getting you to stop and turn around because, well, you can't keep pretending she's not there forever.

"I'm just finding a loo," you lie.

"There's one this way," she points over her shoulder, in the direction you both came from, "Harry said if you tried to leave I had to go with you, which, for my own dignity I'd really prefer not to have to do."

You find yourself scoffing, "Who said he's in charge of how long I stay?"

Her expression softens somewhat, "He just wants to see you after."

How dare he think he can control this still, you think.

You know she's not the person to be frustrated with. You should be frustrated with yourself first, for coming, and then with Harry for deciding he could orchestrate this … This whatever it was. Still, you find yourself biting out your reply, "He saw me from stage," you tell her bitterly.

"And he'll have seen that you're not there anymore," she replies patiently,, "It'll throw off his focus if he's worried you've gone home halfway through."

You fall into step beside her but can't give him the win, "Quite frankly, it's not my concern or responsibility anymore if his focus is thrown or not."

She wordlessly points out where the bathrooms are just in front of you. You're trying not to make eye contact with anyone who's in these backstage hallways. They feel like ghosts from a life that's not yours anymore.

The first time you met any of Harry's People you'd felt absolutely mortified. The whole thing felt awkward to you, meeting assistants and managers and creative directors. Putting faces and humans to jobs done for Harry. He was a lot of people's boss, and it made you uncomfortable because you'd not seen that side to him before. You knew things like how hot he liked his showers and what yogurt he liked on his muesli in the morning.

That first—and only—step into his professional world, was in a venue just like this one where Harry was filming a music video for a few days. The stage was set up like it was for live a show, and you overheard someone saying setting up for a shoot was more involved than for an actual performance. Harry wanted you to see what this part of his world looked like and despite them not fitting in either of the Friends or Family categories you'd laid out for People Allowed To Know About You, his "Team" were people Harry felt safe introducing to you. (NDAs were a powerful thing) He led you through the hallways by the hand and stuck his head into every room with a cheery, 'Hullo, just bringing Y/N around to meet everyone.'

You remember one person declaring they were happy to be meeting you. Harry was too young to be married to his job, they said with a relieved tone, That it was good he'd found his Someone. Harry beamed at that, looking down at you as if thinking, Yeah, I have found my Someone.

Now you stand back in the pit side of stage, and Harry looks down at you with a hesitation that makes you more uncomfortable than when you were watching him film that music video. His assistant has brought you back to where his team are standing, and you feel more than one set of eyes take stock of you returning, a shared glance between a manager and the girl shadowing you. A wide-eyed exchange that says, That was the last thing we needed. When Harry comes to the side of stage between songs, he's hunting for a bottle of water, but you can see he's come to that side because his eyes are focused on hunting for you.

When he sees you've returned, he slowly takes a sip of water, eyes not leaving yours. You feel like he's admonishing you in his head, seeing how weak you were, that you ran away after a little eye contact. There's a distaste there, you think, and as he's putting the cap back on the bottle, Harry opens his mouth like he's going to try to say something to you, but he stops. He frowns at his hands as he puts the bottle down and then turns away, bringing the microphone back up to his lips and slipping back into entertainer mode.

"In a lot of ways, I hate this next song," he starts slowly, speaking over the band as they begin to slow down the tempo of the night. A smoke machine whirls to life and pumps out a few big clouds, shrouding the stage behind Harry. "I really hate it."

He pauses. And your insides freeze in your chest. You're hanging off his every word, just like every other body in the room. Harry stands right on the front of the stage, toes almost touching the drop off. He's looking out at the audience and lets the microphone hang at his side. Makes no move to keep talking. Was he looking for someone out there, or was he running over what he was about to say in his head? Rehearsing it, making sure it was exactly what needed to be said.

Where you used to see thoughtfulness you now see calculation.

Give nothing away. Sell only the product. Push the song. Let people come to their own conclusions.

"This is a song about," he says carefully, a crack to his voice that sends adrenaline shooting straight down your legs, "About regretting that you've hurt someone. And about the helplessness of wishing you could make them forget what you said, but … Knowing you can't take it back."

You watched Harry trail around to the upright piano on stage and sit himself down on the stool. He stares at his hands hovering over the keys for a moment too long, but you're sure Harry's audience would let him take a hundred more. You see what perhaps they don't—the hesitation. You'd witnessed it enough to spot it, even across the stage in the dark from thirty feet away.

He's not sure about playing the song.

You think about contacting him by telepathy. Saying, I'll leave so you can go back to your show. You don't have to pretend I'm not here, I'll just go. Like I wanted to. Like I tried to.

But he plays it.

You've not heard it before, but the rest of the room has, and they sing along with him. You hear a couple of thousand people sing with your ex-boyfriend about him regretting the way he treated you. And you're almost able to talk yourself out of believing it's about you, you can nearly reason with yourself that it's kind of vague. Other than naming the cafe he'd sat in the car park of a hundred times waiting for you to return with a takeaway, it could be about anyone, really.

But he sings out a line and looks straight at you, and his eyes say it's yours. The song. The apology that's not been said yet.

I get the feeling that you'll never need me again.

His voice cracks again as he sings it. And the hurt part of you says it's just a vocal technique Harry's trained to call on at any time. It doesn't speak to anything other than a creative choice on his part. But the vulnerability is hard to ignore, the low hanging, remorseful unease in the room. He fumbles a string of notes on the piano as he sings and you're hit by the overwhelming need to make him stop.

Witnessing whatever he's currently feeling with this song is more uncomfortable than you've ever been, and a switch in you to protect him flicks on. You look around at his assistant, his manager, trying to see if there's even a hint of anyone else feeling like this moment needs an intervention, needs to be stopped.

The song ends. And you're glad.

Harry takes a few moments on stage to get ready with a guitar for the next song. He doesn't come over to your side of the stage for a drink, or to ask the roadies for anything. Instead, he flies straight into the next section of the set. Seemingly recovered from the heavy moment you felt as though you nearly drowned in. He'd never sung about you before.

Nothing remotely personal about your relationship ever left Harry's house.

And you find yourself wishing it would all just go back there.

+

The sixth lie was that he wouldn't break your heart.

Harry did though.

He broke your whole life.

So when he comes off stage at the end of his gig, there's little in you that wants to hang around. As soon as the lights go down and you see Harry's silhouette cross the back of the stage and hop down the stairs to the floor, your gut churns, and you wish you were one of the people in the rest of the venue. The ones now turning and slowly filing out of the building. Going back to their lives peacefully.

Instead, you're ushered behind the curtain again, into the small area that's immediately buzzing with life. You watch Harry as if he's moving in slow motion though. As soon as his boots hit the concrete floor somebody is tugging the suit jacket from his shoulders and swapping it for a grey hand towel that he uses to wipe down his face. His hand pushes his hair up over his head as he smiles at a handful of people, and then his eyes find yours. The smile drops, and he takes a steadying breath in.

"Y/N," he says loudly. Straight. Without expression. It's a statement, but also you sense a question there too. As if you might not turn out to be the person who was standing there. He holds your gaze over and through the people walking around and in front of him. He's handed a bottle of water and offered a second one which he takes, "Y/N," he says again, pulling his head back to beckon you over.

You roll your lips together when you've made it to the vacant space in front of him. Harry passes you the extra water bottle and cracks the lid off the one he keeps for himself. You grip yours with both hands but don't make any move to open it. Standing in front of him didn’t feel like you thought it would. It’s less of a kick I in the gut, and more a reinforcing of things that you’d figured out since being without him.

"Hi," he says hesitantly, briefly looking at someone behind your left shoulder. Then, you feel his eyes back on your face.

You speak to his forehead, not ready to have things inside you unlocked by eye contact, "Hello."

"This way," Harry says after a moment, running the towel down his sweaty face again.

He leads you down a hallway, wiping his face on the towel two more times as he walks. Harry continuously looks over his shoulder at you to make sure you're still following him, as if there was somewhere for you to hide in the concrete hallway. When he gets to his dressing room door, he kicks it open and holds his arm out to let you in first. The room smells like his cologne, a whiff of his final moments before going out on stage and a time portal back to mornings you'd spritz it on yourself before leaving the house, it was your scent then too. There was a small sofa and table, a long mirrored table with his laptop open next to a stack of papers, his screen saver bouncing back and white photos across the locked screen. His overnight bag and its contents were sprawled out over the floor in the corner next to where you can see his phone charging.

"You look good," is the first thing he says to you. Trying to pull your attention probably. Maybe hoping to get on the front foot charming you. You could tell him he looked good as well, particularly in the cream suit they had him in tonight, but you were sure there were no shortage of people who already had.

"Your show was good," you deflect away from the personal, eyes tracing the bottles in the corner of the table, "Great setlist."

"Needs a shakeup, if we're honest. Getting stale," Harry shrugs, and you see it in the mirrored wall. He's still standing by the closed door, watching you walk into the centre of the room and take stock of what's around you. "How have you been?"

"Fine."

Harry coughs uncomfortably, "Thanks for coming, wasn't sure you would."

"I wasn't sure either."

You sense Harry realising this conversation was going to be exactly as difficult as feared it might be, he nods his head and moves over to the sofa but doesn't sit down, "Did you want a seat?"

"I'll sit here," you perch yourself on the chair in front of his laptop, crossing one leg over the other and hitching your elbow at the back so you're facing Harry. Keeping the room between you.

Harry sits on the arm of the small, burgundy sofa, and tosses the towel onto the seat next to him, "Looked like you were a little upset there for a moment."

"My boots are new," you quip, kicking your top foot out towards him, "Blisters."

He sighs again, and you start to feel chastised, but there's a more substantial part of you that stubbornly bunkers on down to playing this role, taking power when you'd never had it with Harry before. He knew it wasn’t blisters that had emotion welling up in you during his set. But just the same it wasn’t his place anymore to be privy to your feelings. And you weren’t going to let him gallantly try to take it. You weren’t old friends who could pick up where you left off. You were broken lovers.

"I just thought we could do with talking," Harry says finally.

"You could have uninvited me, you know, I assumed—Well, it's not like I've been expecting to still attend any of your shows the last six months. This one didn't have to be different."

He almost looks hurt, "You live here."

"How was Italy, Harry?” you turn the conversation around abruptly because you didn't like where it was going, and he was starting to frustrate you. You didn’t need him pointing out you lived in this city alone now since he left. As if you didn’t know.

Where watching him on stage hit you with longing and heartbreak, memories you found yourself irrevocably attached to, being in the same room as him now is only making you see the real Harry. The one who's so good at rearranging the energy in the room to make you feel you need to give more of yourself. The one who's an expert at asking a leading question and relying on the other person to be vulnerable first, lead the charge out the gates.

The man who lied to hide you every day for nearly a year, even when it was hurting you more than protecting you. The hurt from him was worse than the invasion of your privacy would have be. The distrust you felt didn't counteract the security you were still afforded by anonymity. The way you felt you still had something to prove—something to earn from him—and that you just needed to earn the right to your place in Harry's life.

"I've missed you," he said finally, "Just …"

"You've been lonely?" You raise your eyebrows at him.

"What?" Harry's defences click into place, "No, it's not that—obviously yes, I've been lonely—but also I just—I miss you."

You start nodding, and your gaze drifts around the room, "Yeah, I … What exactly do you miss, Harry? Because—I mean, it was kind of shit, don't you think?"

"Shit?" he looks horrified, "What was shit?"

"Harry," you say simply, telling him to cut the bullshit with your expression. "Come on."

"I loved you," he declares loudly, proudly, “We had a great time together. I don't think it was kind of shit at all."

That's when you feel tears come to your eyes. Of course he didn't think it was shit. He still didn't see where the problem was. Couldn't see it. He would go right back to That Fight and keep going the way you had been if he could. Harry would keep living that life with you, he would have kept on going the same way. You'd still be the secret. A fight about a holiday would have resolved itself with compromise and make-up sex, and you would have gone right back to sneaking out of venues and pretending not to know him in crowded rooms.

Your lips turn up in a smile of sorts as your tears beg to fall but don't, "You haven't changed," you state with a small, incredulous laugh, "You've not figured it out. Nothing's changed," you repeat, shaking your head.

Harry's confusion is plain, and if he thought your tears were because you miss him there's something like a flicker of doubt, as if he's reading what's in front of him again and maybe getting a different story.

"You can't have a life with someone who doesn't want anyone to know you're in their life," you state simply.

And that was it, really. That was the nuts and bolts of it.

The secrecy eroded any meaning your relationship with Harry had. The doubt that cast. The burden on you to continually prove yourself, to audition for the role every day only to never graduate from understudy.

You watch Harry's throat constrict tightly as he thinks about the words that come from his mouth, "I loved you," he repeats, "I didn't want anything outside of us to fuck us up."

"You can't control the world that way, Harry," you're observing him carefully, "You definitely can't control people that way. I get why we started that way, but a year in, Harry? A year."

He looks at his feet, and it's the first bit of remorse you've ever seen him show over it.

"I know you loved me," you keep going, "But you can't use that as some bandaid for the lying, for the hurt that was. You can't erase the consequences because you thought you were protecting me or us or yourself. The truth doesn't cancel out the hurt of the lie."

Harry's still starring at his boots, "You could have said something."

You blink once.

"Fuck you," bursts out before you can stop it, and Harry's eyes snap up to yours, you laugh at his nerve and rise to your feet, "Fuck you, Harry. I couldn't have. I felt like I had to earn it. Like maybe I was one gold star away from getting there. And then when I did push it, you ended it."

"That's not—

"—It is," you insist, shaking your head at him, "You put all your insecurities and shortcomings on me and then had the nerve to tell me you loved me as if I was the defective cog in the wheel. As if you saying you loved me put all the onus on me spoiling it."

"I'm a private person—

You put your hand up to silence him, turning on your heel to face Harry as your pacing halts, "Stop. I don't … I don't care," you breathe out simply, "I really don't. Our relationship wasn't The One. It's one we'll both learn from for the ones that are coming. I hope you learn from it," you add quietly, "Because I have."

"Y/N," Harry says your name like it's an idea he's unsure of.

"That song wasn't about me, was it?" You ask because on stage he said it was about regretting hurting someone and there's been no hint of a 'sorry' from Harry since.

His brow creased, "It is. I am. I wanted you to hear me play it tonight. It's for you."

You smile, the idea that you've grown beyond this situation blooming inside you, "You've not said it."

"What?"

"You haven't said you're sorry," your head shakes again, a fresh wave of your new perfume—the one that's just yours—filling your nose, "You've said you missed me. And that I look good, but you've not said you're sorry. You can put an apology into the song on stage, but you can't admit you were wrong to the person you wrote the song about."

His shoulders sink, just the slightest amount, and you know that you've seen enough. You've said enough. He's not going to have an epiphany on this, not in this conversation with you. You've gone as far as you can with this. As far as you're willing to.

"I'm going to go," you take a step forward, "Thanks for the song, your voice sounded really nice on it."

And you walk passed him with just a final wave and the slightest touch to his shoulder. He doesn't move from his seated position, but his neck cranes and he watches you leave. Eyes hunting your back for answers, like the manuscript for what just happened might show up there. But it doesn't, and you slip out the door, the clip from your shoes fading from his hearing quicker than he wanted it to.

Your insides are shaking by the time you make it out onto the street. No part of you wants to turn back and look up at his name in lights again. You're done with seeing the best of everything in him. Harry's one of the shitty boyfriends you'll tell someone about one day in the future, and they'll call him a dickhead with anger dripping from their tongue, promising to never treat you the same way.

And they won't.

You'll both have bumped and bruised your way into each other's lives, and there'll be a satisfying click with them there wasn't with anyone else. You'll have journeyed through all the maybes and not-quites, and you'll land in that forever place with the person who wears the badge of Yours with a fervour nobody before them has.

And Harry … You'll go and be Nothing to Him.

+

My inbox is here

[bluebellhairpin]

Little Helper

Sam Wilson X Tech!Reader

A/N: I’m back on the Marvel bandwagon. They can’t keep me away apparently. - Nemo

Warnings: Spoilers (TFATWS). Violence. Reader got blipped. 

Summary: Many know The Falcon. Less know his drone, Redwing. And even fewer know about Redwing’s other pilot, You. 

Listening to: ‘Trouble Man’ by Marvin Gaye - ‘I come up hard, but that's ok cause trouble man don't get in my way.’

Masterlist

You’d been working with Sam Wilson for a long time. 

A very long time. 

However most people would never have guessed it, considering you worked out of the spare room in your apartment, and Sam himself didn’t speak of you to anyone else. But the role you played was important. 

After all, Sam couldn’t always fight and control Redwing at the same time. 

More often than not, he had bigger fish to fry, and with his hands tied it was more out of convenience that you took over the reins of his little drone friend until he could take them back again. 

Even if no one else would know, it still felt nice to help out the Avengers every so often. 

So when you thought you fell asleep in the chair in your ‘work’ room - sleep was almost a foreign word to you anyway - and then woke up again, you were confused. 

You thought you were in the middle of helping in Wakanda, why would you have fallen asleep? 

But not only did the clock say 11 am - when last you checked it was 2 in the afternoon - but five years had passed too. You scrambled to fish your phone off your desk, and called Sam faster than you could say ‘Stark Industries’. You started speaking as soon as he picked up. 

“Sam! What’s happened -” you stopped yourself, “- What’s that noise?” 

“Could you,” he grunted, kicking something maybe? “Hop on Redwing please?” 

“Copy that.” You said, booting up your computer, frowning at the dust on it. You took a look around the room. There was dust on everything. 

You opened up the little application for Redwing, and pulled the joystick over, making sure it was plugged in, before grabbing your headset and putting it on too. 

“All set and ready to go. Waiting for your call Falcon.” 

“Give ‘em hell Redwing.” 

You pressed the release button on your keyboard, and Redwing’s camera immediately booted up, giving you a perfect view of a seeming ground zero. The land was leveled, and people were fighting everywhere. You recognized some faces - more like flashes of uniforms - Iron Man’s blasters, lightning off in the distance, a giant red and blue frisbee. 

“I’m guessing I go for -” you maneuvered Redwing out of a clawed hand’s grasp “- the alien-looking ones again.” 

“Yes, the alien-looking ones!” 

“Okay okay, sheesh.” you tutted, choosing the drone’s laser over it’s machine guns. “What’d you say about talking during fights anyways? That poor kid we fought in Germany will think you’re a hypocrite.”

It turned out to be a big fight. Not everyone won, not even those on your side. 

Six months later, Sam and yourself were still as strong of a team as ever, and still no one was any wiser about your involvement in working with him.

Just as well too, you had more than enough struggles of your own. 

Your apartment was one of the lucky ones, since apparently your landlord didn’t want to sort through your boxes of ‘kindling’ - files - and your ‘gizmos’ - machine parts - to get rid of it so he could rent the place to someone else. Not many wanted to rent in your building anyway, and he said he thought he ‘needed a memorial for those who disappeared’. 

So even if no one had emptied the fridge for five years, you still had your place. Unlike many other people. 

Your employers, however, no longer had a job for you. They were focusing on helping relocate the displaced, and apparently you couldn’t help with it. So even if you had your apartment now, you might not for much longer.  

At least you still had Sam. And his weird ‘not-friend’ friend Bucky. 

You’d heard about him, for sure, but only met once. That was the same time Sam told you to steal his phone number so you could keep in touch. Something about not knowing when an ex-assassin cyborg in your contact list would come in handy. 

There was something happening between those two, you couldn’t pick what, but it was akin to tension. And you picked up on that from just one meeting.

Sam had mentioned nothing about you and Redwing, only that you worked together. Apparently it was open for Bucky to interpret however he liked, but you were thankful that he made no connection to the drone. 

After his comment about Redwing’s lateness at the airport - with you at the helm - you weren’t too keen on him knowing anyway.

They’d broken Redwing. 

You were a little livid about it, all things considered. Your track-record thus-far had been great, but you’d just been bested by who? Some people stealing medicine? That looks a lot worse than if it happened while fighting Thanos. 

Just your luck. 

So when your intercom buzzed and Sam’s fuzzy voice came through into your kitchen you almost wanted to leave him downstairs. Then he started apologizing - on the sidewalk like it was some romcom - and said he had an old man with him that needed to start walking up the stairs as soon as possible so that he’d be able to make it back down by the time you kicked him out. So you buzzed him and his ‘old man’ in and waited for them in the hallway. 

Soon thereafter, voices started drifting up the stairwell. 

“I still don’t know what you’re apologizing for, it’s not like you cheated on them.”

“I told you, they’re not my -” Sam looked up at you as he turned into your hallway. Meeting your furrowed brow and crossed arms with a sheepish smile. “- Hey, (y/n). How’re you going?” 

You just pointed for him to go inside your apartment. When both him and Bucky were inside - what was Bucky doing here anyway? - you told him how you were going. 

“I’m really angry right now Sam. You can’t tell, but I am.” 

“I completely understand that.” he said, “I’m annoyed too, considering.” 

“Considering what Sam? That you got Redwing split in two?” 

“How do you know about Redwing?” Bucky frowned.

“How did I do that when you were the one piloting her huh?” 

“Me? This is not my fault!” you said, “You were supposed to be watching my six, just like I do for you!”

“That girl came at you head-on, I couldn’t have told you more about it if I painted her bright yellow and covered her in Christmas lights.” 

“You turned my coms off.” you hissed, tapping a pointed finger on his chest, “You said it’d be better since then Bucky wouldn’t know it wasn’t you piloting, and that even though I couldn’t hear anything I could still see plenty. Well I can’t exactly see that these people were super soldiers now, could I!”

“Oh. Right.” 

“You were piloting Redwing?” You looked over a Bucky, seeing him shake his head with his hands on his hips. “Makes sense, by all means, but now I have to not like you as much as before.”

“Nonsense, everyone loves me.” you smiled at him, and he quirked his lips up in an almost smile back at you. Then you turned back to Sam. “So is this all you came for?”

“Partially.”

“Partially?”

“Yeah,” he said, acting a little too coy for your liking, “We might need your help in the not-too-distant future.” 

“You always do that thing, you stay something to get me interested, and then you think if I’m interested I want to do it.”

You stared over at him, daring him to speak again. 

“You don’t wanna do things you're interested in?” 

“Depends what you’re trying to get me interested in.”

[moonlit-han]

bad squirrel ↠ han jisung

genre: bad boy!jisung au, enemies to lovers au, high school au; humor word count: 2.8k warnings: so fluffy, swearing, mildly suggestive  |  gender-neutral reader request: yes (thank you for such a clearly imagined and fun request, anon!)

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

↠↞

You’d never understood why Han Jisung had to be so loud.

Wasn’t the “bad boy” of the school supposed to be the quiet, brooding type? Not that Jisung didn’t do his fair share of lurking in corners doing gods knew what, sneaking out of the school to mysteriously reappear hours later, and drinking from a flask in the middle of class…. But he was just so damn loud. All the time! And because Jisung was loud in class, you strongly disliked him. Sure, he did his work (sometimes, like when the sun rose in the west) and had friends—two, to be exact: Chan and Changbin—but other than that, he kept to himself, yet was somehow loud. Jisung also strutted around the school like he owned it, looking much like a disgruntled raven.

As you were in the same year, you were intimately familiar with all his less-than wonderful propensities, and had listened to more gossip about him than you’d care to admit. Granted, that was simply to hear anything about him. You had a strange fascination with Jisung that somehow existed in tandem with your dislike—you couldn’t understand it. And, you commonly thought about him at the most random times; this also meant that you ranted to your best friend, Seungmin, far too often.

Jisung sat in the corner of the cafeteria with Chan and Changbin, and scribbled. He was always scribbling in a notebook he kept in his back pocket, and you wanted to know what he was writing—probably something like emo poetry. And today was no different. Occasionally, he’d look up and stare into the middle distance.

“Do you ever wonder what goes on inside his head?” you asked as you chewed a mouthful of your lunch. Seungmin saw where your gaze rested and rolled his eyes.

“No. Definitely not.”

“But would it be cool to—”

“Again, no,” Seungmin interrupted before you could careen off onto one of your tangents about the merits of this person or that. Except, this person featured all too commonly in those tangents, and Seungmin was tired of hearing it. “I don’t want to hear about the exact wave pattern in Han Jisung’s hair or how long you think he’d had that leather jacket. And I definitely don’t want to hear your thoughts on his skinny jeans.”

You smirked, turning back to the table in front of you on which you’d neatly arranged your lunch: grapes, almonds, a container of rice, and a mix of vegetables and fish. You hadn’t necessarily been planning to rant about Jisung, but now that Seungmin mentioned it…

“What do you think he does when he’s not in school?” you mused, chasing a bit of cabbage around the bottom of your lunch container with your chopsticks. “I mean, he seems to just exist in his own little world—I don’t think I’ve ever seen him with anyone except Minho and Chan, and even then, not that often.”

“I don’t know, Y/N,” Seungmin yawned, resting his chin on his hand. “Probably goes off to some corner and broods. That’s what guys like him do: brood and very obviously not talk about how emotionally distraught they are or whatever. But in a Byronic way—I don’t think Jisung has a violent bone in his body.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at your best friend, who was steadily losing patience with the whole conversation. “I can think of one bone that might be quite . . . angry and maybe violent but probably just hard. Good with forceful th—”

“I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT HAN JISUNG’S DICK, Y/N!” Seungmgin burst out, drawing stares from the other students seated at neighboring tables, including Jisung himself. You made to bang your head on the table, more embarrassed than you’d been in a long time.

Seungmin, meanwhile, couldn’t stop laughing. “Y-Y/N, oh my god, I’m sorry. Hey, don’t hit me!” This was because you had started playfully but insistently punching his thigh. “It’s fine,” Seungmin continued, trying to reassure you. “It’s not like I said anything that would— Oh shit, he’s coming over here.”

You tried to slide under the table, but only succeeded in getting yourself stuck before shimmying back into your seat. You looked up just in time to see Jisung slide into the seat opposite you and lean meaningfully on the table.

“So, Y/N,” he drawled, flashing a feline grin at you. “What exactly did I just hear?”

“I didn’t say anything, Han,” you retorted, nose aloofly in the air.

Jisung sighed. “Okay, okay, maybe you didn’t say anything, but Seungmin definitely did.” Seungmin spluttered and shook his head violently, really not wanting to be drawn into your squabble.

“So?” you said casually, still picking at your lunch. Meanwhile, your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest. “So what if he said something?”

“Why would Seungmin say anything about me, though,” Jisung said. “It’s not like you two like me or anything.”

You just stared at Jisung. Why did he sound petulant? “No, we don’t. You didn’t hear anything, so go away!”

“Oh come on, Y/N,” Jisung wheedled. “I know you’re curious….”

“Han, what the hell?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Jisung protested, leaning back as his hands waved wildly.

“I—” you began, and gulped. “It’s just… You’re just this moody guy who walks around like he owns the place. And you wear tight skinny jeans that leave very little to the imagination. How could I not assume you at least think you have . . . um, yeah.”

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Seungmin moaned, and stuffed his fingers in his ears.

Jisung had leaned forward now and was staring at you intently. You looked away, even more embarrassed than before, and he sighed.

“Y/N, I’m not quite sure what to say, besides the fact that I like my tight pants.” He paused, then chuckled lightly and winked. “And that you clearly like my tight pants, too.”

You felt heat rise to your cheeks, and blurted. “Why are you even talking to us, Han?”

Jisung stopped as he rose from the table. “I was intrigued. Plus, you’re cute when you’re flustered.” Han winked, then turned and walked back to Chan and Changbin.

You just watched him go—casually appreciating the view—completely stunned. Had Han Jisung just said you were cute? Ugh?

“Y/N? Earth to Y/N!” Seungmin was shaking your shoulder. “Y/N, you might start drooling if you don’t watch out.”

Coming back to yourself, you hurriedly shut your mouth and demanded, “Did he just say I was cute?”

“How am I supposed to know? I had my fingers in my ears!” Seungmin exclaimed, throwing up his hands.

“Well, you are no help whatsoever,” you grumbled, and went back to eating your food.

Seungmin was silent for a moment, then said, “Do- Do you like him?”

You almost choked on your rice. “What?”

“Do you like him?” he repeated.

“The last time I checked, I definitely didn’t like Han Jisung. He annoys the hell out of me!”

Like the traitor he was, your best friend just made a ruminative noise and smiled down at his food.

↠↞

There was a park along the route you walked to and from school every day, and you liked to cut through to its other side as a short cut and to have some time in nature. Today, the leaves rustled loudly under your feet as you wove between the trees, distracting you sufficiently that you were completely wrapped up in your thoughts until your eye caught on a spot of black.

You stopped and squinted, brows furrowed ever so slightly. You couldn’t be sure, but that looked to be Han Jisung squatting under an oak at the edge of the park. Thinking the last thing you wanted was Jisung to see you spying—no, simply watching as you, too, strolled through the park—on him, you ducked behind a tree.

A few feet away from Jisung, assuming it was him, a squirrel sat on its haunches. It looked like he was talking to the squirrel, holding out his hand with a small pile of sunflower seeds resting in its center. As you watched, the squirrel, clearly used to this sort of thing, scurried forward and then away, its prize of seeds securely held in its mouth. This happened several times: the squirrel snatching a few seeds, stashing them around the other side of the tree, then coming back to retrieve more from Jisung’s hand. Strangest of all, you could have sworn you heard cooing along the lines of, “Aren’t you so good? Yes, you’re such a good little squirrel. Ooooh mhmm that tastes good, doesn’t it!”

Seeing the boy stand, you pulled your torso back behind the tree and peeked out as he walked away with a spring in his step. Yes, that was definitely Jisung.

Lost in your thoughts, you began to walk home. Feeding squirrels and talking to them was not “bad boy” behavior—of that much you were certain. So, did this mean that Jisung wasn’t as bad as you’d thought? Or was he slowly killing the squirrel by lacing the seeds with poison?

You shook your head, scolding yourself for such thoughts. But the fact remained: Han Jisung fed the squirrels and acted distinctly cute around them, and seemed to drop the persona he cultivated at school.

In a nutshell: you were confused.

The next day, you walked home the same way and at the same time, hoping you’d catch Jisung with the squirrel again. As you neared the edge of the park, sure enough, there was Jisung. You wrestled with your conscience for a moment, then walked the last meters to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

“What?!” Jisung exclaimed, shooting to his feet and almost hitting you in the nose with the back of his head. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

“I was walking home,” you said innocently, giving Jisung a bright smile.

The young man in front of you was shifting back and forth on his feet. “Did you see—“

“Did I see you talking to a squirrel?” You grinned now, crossing your arms. “Yes. Yes, I did, Han.” Jisung spluttered. “Not so bad a boy, are you?”

“Come on, Y/N, don’t be like that!” he begged. “Just because I wear all black, brood, and write emo poetry—“

“Hah! So you do write it!”

Jisung gave you a look. “Yes, I write poetry and song lyrics for my friends. What about it?”

“Oh, nothing,” you chirped.

“Can you-“ Jisung sighed. “Can you at least not tell anyone that I feed and talk to the squirrels? It’s, like, my own way of doing good, you know?”

“Sure, I won’t tell anybody. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

“Well, the more you know…” Jisung said and, yet again, winked at you before striding away. You admired the stark contrast between his black clothes and the oranges, yellows, and reds of the leaves on the ground.

↠↞

A couple of weeks later at the end of October, your English class was lucky enough to go on a weekend camping trip to experience the misty atmosphere in Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Part of you thought that your teacher was a bit odd for wanting them all to get spooked by mist, but you couldn’t argue with the fact that the foliage was beautiful. After a long day of traipsing through the forest to find the perfect lookout point for the next morning’s mist viewing, the class gathered around a fire to eat and talk.

The fire was warm in front of you where you sat on a conveniently placed log; if you'd been any closer, you would have definitely singed something. You'd been a bit stupid and hadn't brought a proper jacket, thinking the evenings would still be warm at the end of October, but oh how wrong you were. Your nose was cold and your hands were even colder, a fact you tried to hide by sitting on your hands. Soon, however, your shoulders and back felt the slight breeze the rustled the leaves surrounding the clearing.

Across the fire, Jisung tracked your every move with bright eyes. In truth, he’d been watching you all evening and noticed that you were now cold. He noticed a lot about you these days, really. You didn’t see him quietly staring, his black clothes turning him nearly invisible, but you knew he was there on the other side of the flames.

You jumped a little, shoulders shrugging as warmth settled around them, and looked around. On the log next to you sat Jisung, like the piece of the night sky come to earth.

“Better?” he asked casually.

“Y-yeah.”

The two of you sat there silently as your classmates gossiped and ate around you. Occasionally, you saw someone glance your way, then turn back to their friends as if Jisung’s stare repelled them. You’d expected to feel awkward around him, expected to feel some dark aura radiating off him, but it was easy to sit with Jisung. His leather jacket was wonderfully warm, it’s weight around your shoulders oddly comforting, and the faint smell of whatever soap Jisung used caught on the collar made you smile.

“Here,” Jisung said softly, holding out the flask that always hung at his hip. “Have a sip—it’ll warm you up.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not going to drink, especially since we’re on a school trip,” you hissed.

“It’s just tea, Y/N,” Jisung said, tone affronted. “What did you think I had in here?”

“I- Tea is fine. Thanks.” You took the proffered flask and sipped what was perfectly brewed and sweetened black tea. The hot liquid sliding down your throat to your stomach was a delicious feeling. You returned the flask to Jisung, your fingers brushing as you did so.

The fire crackled, sparks flying up as sticks fell and broke apart. But these were not the only sparks that were flying around that fire. Between you and Jisung there seemed to be a thread of energy along which those other sparks danced, and, unexpectedly, you wanted to follow that thread to its end with the young man beside you.

Every now and then, you glanced at Jisung. And, every now and then, he glanced at you. After five tense minutes of this madness, you finally glanced at each other at the same time and smiled nervously.

“So,” Jisung began, “um…”

“Hmm?”

“May I say something?”

“I- Yeah, sure.”

Jisung took a deep breath, hands twisting in his lap. “Y/N, I have what’s got to be the biggest crush ever on you. And if you don’t return the feelings, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll never mention it again and I’ll make sure to leave you alone or whatever you want,” he said in a rush.

You wrapped Jisung’s jacket closer around yourself and turned slightly on the log to face him. The firelight danced in his eyes, the look in them soft and searching. His lips were parted slightly, as if to say something.

“It’s okay, Jisung,” you murmured, realizing that this was the first time you’d called him ‘Jisung’, at least to his face. “I think— I think I like you, too.”

Jisung’s face lit like the sun that would rise hours later with the dawn, his smile glorious. “Really?” he asked excitedly.

“Mhmm, I do.”

“That’s great,” Jisung breathed, and made to shift closer to you but stopped himself. “Um, so what now?”

“Want to cuddle?” You hardly believed that you’d just said that, but with Jisung’s jacket around you and him sitting so close, you couldn’t help it.

Jisung laughed and held out his arms to you, and you scooted closer to him so that you leaned against his as his arms went around you. After a couple minutes of shifting positions, the two of you settled. You could practically feel Jisung smiling behind you as you rested your head against his shoulder. Like your own, his heartbeat was faster than usual from nerves and excitement, which made you feel quite proud. You’d actually made the cool, seemingly confident bad boy of the school nervous.

Thinking you’d mess with him a little, you turned your face up to his and kissed his jaw. Jisung nearly jumped, which would have deposited both of you squarely on the cold ground, and then looked at you.

“Are you sure?” he murmured.

“Won’t know until we try, right?” you replied.

Jisung needed no further prompting and brought his lips to yours, sending a current of warmth along that thread between you. You had to smile because, completely unexpectedly, you liked kissing Jisung. You liked it a lot and would be perfectly happy to continue kissing him all night long, if given the chance.

Drawing back from Jisung, you noticed your classmates staring at you and Jisung, and smirked back at them. Unlike you, they didn’t have a cute boy to kiss and cuddle with. They weren’t the chosen person for the Han Jisung.

[eyesfixedonthesun22]

You Oughta Know

Summary: Bucky helps you get over a breakup. Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader Warning(s): Smut 18+, Public Sex, Revenge Acts, Cheating (just mentioned, acts not by main characters) Word Count: 1,629 Beta Reader: @supersoldiersruined-me​ Notes: The petty level of reader and Bucky is fun to write about as fiction but like...don’t actually do this. It’s all inspired by the song You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette.

“I see you started without me, killer.”

There’s a quick clink as the metal from his hand collides with the bottle of bourbon he’s snatched out from under you. Bucky slides into the stool next to you.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like shit. Not the hot, probably leads a rugged lifestyle as a secret assassin, looks like shit, but the real looks like shit.”

“So I look like shit?”

“Yes!” he says, matching your mock sarcasm after taking a pull directly off the bottle.

“One, fuck you. Two, I’m also living that rugged secret assassin lifestyle just like you. Three,  I have a reason to look like shit.”

“You didn’t have a mission. You and Nat don’t go back out East for another month.” He flags the bartender down. “Whatever your largest plate of tater tots is, can you double that and smother it in cheese and bacon? Think tater tot poutine and you’re on the right track. I’m willing to pay, my good man.”

On any other day you’d tease him. The bartenders here had gotten pretty used to Bucky’s odd requests and the both of you blowing off mission steam at the karaoke stage. Instead of playfully ribbing your best friend, you lay on the bar and a single long sob tears through you.

“What the fuck!?” While the words were anything but, his tone is tender and concerned. “Sweetheart, what the hell is going on. I’ve seen you cry less when you’ve taken a bullet to the leg.”

“Tom broke up with me.”

You pry your head up from the bar sticky from years of ethanol sugar spills and lord knows what else to study his face. All things considered, he keeps control. It didn’t take any of your deductive skills to know that Bucky (and the entire team) had despised the man. That should have been your first clue.

“There was another woman.”

The next couple pulls from the bottle burn a bit less and have you feeling the type of mellow you’d sought when you’d texted Bucky for a night out. Your good feeling is interrupted by him plopping what looks to be at least six different guns on the bar, eight knives, and perhaps two frag grenades.

“Where’s his apartment, doll. I’ll be ready in two.”

“Dude, what the fuck!” The plate full of cheesy potatoes nearly slides off the bar as the bartender stares wide eyed at Bucky’s splayed arsenal. “We’ve talked about this, man.”

“Special circumstances, my friend. Slide me the ketchup, please.” You study your friend with a raised brow while he continues to appraise his ammo levels and take stock. “I’ll be ready in five. I didn’t account for the poutine.”

***

You’d managed, with great difficulty, to talk Bucky down from murder as he shoveled the poutine in his face.

“He can’t just get away with treating you like this?!”

You shrug a shoulder before waiving for another drink. You knew Bucky was right. Tom shouldn’t get to treat you like this. You’d been nothing but a supportive partner to him. He’s the one who has a laundry list of issues.

Your fingers play with the delicate blade of one of Bucky’s knives still strewn about the bartop; flipping it expertly through your favorite routine.

You’re unsure who can claim credit for dissuading Bucky from murdering Tom. It was likely a healthy mix of a carb coma, the two bottles of whiskey he’d knocked back himself (no doubt spiked with something Asguardian, and the unyielding pull towards the karaoke stage. Regardless, the night of laughter and drinks with your best friend seemed to be exactly what you needed to take your mind off things. You nearly threw a tantrum when you heard the bartender yell last call.

“Let’s go home and keep this party going, darling?”

“You read my mind, Buck.”

***

In traditional drunk fashion, the two of you get sidetracked stumbling and giggling on your way back to the compound. You’re certainly not alone on the ever busy city streets, but then again Bucky had a way of making you feel better than you thought possible.

“Hold on!” you slur mildly. “I’m gonna call that motherfucker and give him a piece of my mind.”

Normally Bucky would have been the voice of reason but he too was firmly intoxicated and more than willing to cuss your ex out. Without hesitation he smooshes himself behind you into the phonebooth you had already jumped into.

“Hey Tom, ya fuckface. I want you to know that I am happy for you, I wish nothing but the best for you both. Looks like you finally have someone who deserves you...another piece of shit human. I saw her picture, Tom. Do you not realize she’s just an older version of me. Does she speak eloquently? What the fuck did she do that I-”

The line clicks open and you freeze.

“Hello?” Tom asks into the phone. Bucky can see the pure terror in your eyes, slicing through the drunken bold stupor. “How are you doing?”

Your throat feels as though someone made you swallow sandpaper. You were ready to rant to an answering machine, but somehow hearing his voice made you feel stone cold sober. Before you can formulate a complete thought, the phone is yanked from your hands.

“You don’t get to ask how she’s doing. 'Cause the love that she gave, that you two made wasn't enough for you. And every time you speak her name I hope you’re filled with a feeling of immense regret because you’re never getting her back.”

“Oh please, like I want that heartless bitch back.”

“I'm here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair to deny her of the cross she bears. YOU gave it to her. You oughta know.”

***

You’re hungover. The movie theater in the compound is a welcome refuge of darkness and quiet. So much so that by the second scene you’re softly snoring away in the seat next to Bucky.

Perfect.

He shimmys (not without difficulty) onto the floor in front of you on his knees and begins to pull the soft sweatpants down from the curve of your hips. So engrossed in his work he doesn’t notice your eyes flutter open until the cold steel of your glock is against his temple.

“What the fuck are you doing, Barnes?!”

“We talked about this, doll! Last night.” His limbs are perfectly still, hands resting on the soft warm skin in the small of your back.

***

You struggle to think back to the fuzzy details of last night after the horrific events in the phone booth. Bucky had held you close as you sobbed once more on the walk back home. You’d collapsed into bed without regard to your usual routine. You vaguely remembered Bucky saying “Don’t ya know babe, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.”

“Honestly I just need someone to eat me out like it’s their last meal on earth.”

The entire exchange had made you snort laugh just before dozing off.

***

“I remember. You said someone should do this for me.”

“I’m a someone.” Only the sounds of the movie play in the background otherwise he could swear he would be able to hear you think. He risks a glance at your face and there is the expression he’d been waiting for. Pleading. Curiosity. Permission. “I want to do this for you. You deserve it, sweetheart.”

With the gun no longer aimed, but rather scraping against his scalp while your hands fumble, he dives into the uncharted water with his best friend. He knows your stubborn resignation refuses to let you just drop the weapon all together. You need to think that you’re not one hundred percent as curious as he is. Inching your pants and panties the rest of the way down, he kisses each new inch of exposed skin.

You clench your nondominant hand in his hair, dominant hand still holding the glock. The occasional tap of the cool metal against Bucky’s skin should annoy him, piss him off, make him stop or tell you to set it down but he doesn't. It makes him laugh somewhere deep down that his best friend and secret agent is getting devoured in a movie theatre and can’t form a complete enough thought to set down her weapon. The other part of him is straining against his jeans knowing that at any moment you can kick his ass and press that back up against his temple. Your strength has always terrified him and turned him on a little and he would never want it any different.

You feel as though someone has turned you inside out and every nerve ending is exposed and vulnerable. Your brain is no longer focused on the terrifying fact that your best friend is seeing you on display. Instead all you can feel are the sparks of pleasure from each lick, suck, and swirl. When he enters two digits deep and presses steady rhythmic pressure you explode. It’s a good thing the theatre was empty besides the two of you. There was no way you would have been able to stifle the deep primal sounds escaping from your lips.

You throw your arms off to the side as you recover. “Holy fuck, Barnes.”

“Told you.”

“Yeah but if anyone finds out, I’ll actually have to use this on you,” you gesture to your gun still hanging limply in your hand.

Taking advantage of your still jelly-boned state, Bucky easily disarms you. With a devilish grin and chuckle he drags the gun down your still exposed core making you shudder. “You sure about that, doll?”

[saudade-mayari]

💜AAAAAAH, I GOT SO EXCITED SENDING THE REQUEST I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION I WAS REQUESTING 2,6 AND 62 FROM LIST N°1! ;v; And yet I found the time to ramble,,, ywy Many sorries!! >v<" I am truly ashamed... UvU"

Changes & Miscalculations

Rock Lee x gn!reader

warnings: post war era, angst, domestic fluffs

a/n: I truly appreciate your very long and detailed request! I do hope I managed to hit up ur expectation in this fic omg💜

2) “You make me feel. You make me feel and I hate it.”

6) “I would honestly die before I let anything happen to you.”

62) “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

You looked straight ahead at the Hokage stone faces and the lights they had just put up together, knowing he was looking at you it somehow made you feel, powerful but at the same time inferior. Is that even possible? At first, you thought it wasn’t but whenever you are with him, it’s really possible to feel all sorts of emotions. You kept cool and expressionless. You knew that was how you could stay in control, though you did wonder about him. Why hadn't he ever made a move on her? Was it just your miscalculations?

“y/n!!” He screamed by the hills. Completely getting your attention, his hands resting on his hips, his bowl-cut raven hair swirling along with the breeze of Konoha with his classic smile that never seems to fade. Over the years he’d grown much stronger, fiercer, and braver after the 4th great ninja war.

“What? Lee, you’re being loud” He gave you a wider smile when he saw that irritated and sulky look on your face completely ignoring your annoyed look, and instead, he gave a pat on your head, holding your hand that you had sworn to yourself that it sent shivers to your spine. This guy is really something else. 

“Being grumpy is not part of youth, come here y/n!!” He pulled you closer to his, your legs closer to him, and feeling his calloused hand brushed to your shoulders. You never muttered a word, just followed his instructions and did as you are told. You twirled your hands away from his sight, letting the silence torture him, feeling a slight pang of guilt but it vanished as soon as he spoke.

“C’mon y/n what’s the problem. You’re never this quiet whenever we go here.” Just the way Lee had emphasized the both of you going here like it’s your spot. It was as if it’s only meant for the both of you. Truth be told you were absolutely afraid, of course, you’re friends with this man for Kami knows when already but you yourself knew it was more than that. He is well-loved by everyone, anyone would have liked Lee and you know you wouldn’t stand a chance to the lady Lee loves and the fact that you both live in the same apartment doubles the tension, you never want to be closer to him but you felt like you needed to be closer to him. Like it was some kind of necessity, completely essential to your living.

“You know what Lee you make feel absolutely worst!” You blurted out, after a few minutes of deafening silence, you finally spoke. Lee gave out one shocking glance to your sudden remarks. Flustered and afraid, he sat down like he is some kind of obedient puppy waiting for your strict orders. “I-is everything okay?” 

“No! You make me feel all sorts of emotions and I hate it. I really hate it.”

“Is it bad?” His innocent remarks doubled the anger. You were the only one feeling this and probably for Lee, it’s just some petty drama. You decided not to mutter a word, massive thoughts clouding in your mind would mean a war with him, and choosing not to talk would be the safest way to escape this drama. “y/n talk to me.” 

For a while it startled you, Lee was never this serious even on missions. He always wanted to make sure things are on their positive side but now is different. His voice, his gaze, and his posture look different. It scares you. The friendship both of you had protected over the years is at its stake. 

“What’s this feeling? Why do my heart flutter whenever you hold me? Why do you always protect me? We’re supposed to be friends and roommates and I just know this is more than just that!!! But I know you, you like someone else so why act like this Lee, I don’t even understand this and I hate you for it.”

“Don’t ask me why I protect you. You know that I would honestly die before I let anything happen to you.”

“You know what. You’re so confusing. Why do I even love you.” You whispered while looking around the Hokage’s stone faces, desperately trying to suppress your tears from falling. How can he be so ignorant? How can you be so devoted to a guy who wouldn’t even consider your feelings. You were just some petty roommate of him, no big deal.

To all your surprise, the typical optimistic Lee you have known is far from what you’re seeing right now. It was nothing but a dull and emotionless Rock Lee. It’s what you get for crossing the imaginary line both of you had set. It’s what you get from crossing the boundaries that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. 

“Tenten is right.” He muttered, going closer to your place as he knelt in front of you, covering the wonderful scenery of Konohagakure that you’ll never get tired of seeing. “It’s not youthful to deny the feelings we have y/n. It’s not what Guy Sensei taught us.” 

 “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret anything.” 

Your thoughts run free as he gazes into the horizon. Murmuring softly into his ear as Lee leans down along the smooth length of your neck. Ears flick back as your soft words ease into the man’s consciousness. “L-liar.”

“Gaara-kun told me I should be honest and I’m doing it. I love you.” 

A pair of arms hugged you and there it goes… The anger filled in your heart paved away, you just broke down of it. A soft cry escapes your mouth as you buried your cheek against the Konoha flak jacket of Lee. The extreme and sudden pain in your chest filling with the need to run into the impending storm. You ached to free yourself from his grip. It feels home. Love. A silent tear courses down your cheek when Lee never let go of your dainty body and only finding yourself hugging him tighter while looking at his dark orbs filled with rock-hard determination. 

“I love you too a lot… you stupid ignorant Lee… I hate it when you wake up early…” 

Moaning softly as the wind increases, you felt him pull your hair between his fingers in a sweet caress. Lee chuckled at your response as he kissed your head, taking his time to smell your earthy scent that he had gotten used to.

“I’m not early, you’re just simply lazy” He retorted back

“Is being a poet makes you youthful now?” 

Lee once again gave out a louder chuckle as he untangled himself from the hug to see your face in a clearer view. Still sulking from the heated conversation you both had few minutes ago. He kissed the tip of your nose and gave out his classic smile that you wished to see for the rest of your eternity.

“Guess you could say that, sleepyhead.”

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