#hence the empathy lasting days

[dyns33]

The Best Friend

We will have to wait for 2 years to see Homelander again so here's a little new series about him

After realizing that it wasn't really a good idea to raise a child in a laboratory by subjecting him to several tests that were more like torture than anything else, Doctor Vogelbaum decided to start the 'friend' project.

Arranging financially with orphanages, he brought in children whose absence no one would notice, in order to try to develop young John's social skills.

Of course, it wasn't really a success. Most of the children never made it out of the room alive, the others were saved at the last moment but in a catastrophic state, and the lucky ones managed to flee crying, only because John found them too annoying to chase after them.

Then, there was subject 8.

The youngest had no names, and since they were of no importance to anyone, including the doctors, they hadn't bothered to name them. So they introduced Subject 8 to John without much hope.

The little girl was placed on a chair in front of him. With big curious eyes, she watched him while chewing on a finger, but unlike most of her predecessors, she didn't seem afraid.

"Where's mommy ?" she asked timidly to the boy in front of her.

"I don't know. I don't have a mommy."

"Oh. They say mommy's dead, but I want mommy."

"… Your mom's dead ?"

Most of the children hadn't tried to talk to John, too frightened by the situation, then by his behavior. The others had made too much noise, had been rude, or had talked about subjects that didn't interest him.

Family was a complicated subject for the future Homelander. Abandonment too, the feeling of loneliness.

For the first time since the beginning of the 'friend' project, he looked at another human being with what seemed like empathy. Slowly, with a caution that no one suspected, he took the little girl in his arms.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you now."

"Okay."

He called her Y/N. He had heard that name in one of the movies they showed to teach him how to become a superhero and he had found it pretty. According to him, it suited subject 8 perfectly, his best friend forever.

Like the children they were, they promised each other to be faithful and to stay together no matter what. Even if they weren't always together.

John didn't like having his Y/N taken from him. The first time a nurse had come to get the little girl to take her back to her cell, he had had a huge tamtrun, killing the poor woman.

Too young or having immediately had blind trust in the one who had said he would take care of her, Y/N had not been afraid, clinging to him while crying because she did not want to leave him.

Doctor Vogelbaum had spent several hours discussing with the boy so that he would agree to let her go, on the condition that he was assured that he would see her again the next day, and the following days after.

This incident scared the team, who wondered if they should not stop this project immediately, or if it was too late. But their leader was certain that it was a good thing, a new way of holding John.

If he behaved well, he would be able to see Y/N. If not, he would be punished.

This lasted for several years, until John's adolescence, the beginning of more intense exercises, and the choice of his future.

They should have known that this would happen. Raising a supe in a cage was one thing, but a little girl without powers, that couldn't last forever.

Doctor Hobbes refused to tell John the news. He had a hard time getting the other doctors to accept it.

"She was fine last night !"

"What can we do ?! Hobbes found her dead this morning, he tried to revive her, but nothing worked !"

"And the V?"

"I panicked…" sighed Doctor Hobbes. "I followed the protocol without thinking."

The protocol was simple. No proof, no problem, hence the importance of having a very powerful oven.

That day, Doctor Vogelbaum thought he was going to be killed by his creature for the first time in his life. He had never seen him in such a rage.

It was clear that John really loved Y/N. In a way, it was a success, proof that this thing was capable of feelings after all, even if he remained just as capable of the worst.

It took a lot of time and patience to heal this wound. No one was stupid enough to try to offer him a new friend. Nothing could have replaced Subject 8.

Homelander tried not to think about all this too much. In his dreams, the moments with Y/N ​​were the only happy ones, until they turned into a nightmare and he saw her dead in his arms.

The first person he had sworn to protect and hadn't saved. What a superhero.

After the revelation about Becca Butcher and his son, he asked Vogelbaum if he didn't have anything else to tell him. Another secret. But no, nothing. If the old man could, he would have kept Y/N alive as long as possible, just to have a chance to control him.

What Homelander had forgotten was that if people lied to him, they also lied to each other.

It took another four years, four years of pain, disappointment, loneliness, for him to have fun searching Barbara's office after visiting the whole new team of doctors.

Among all the files, projects, photos, he recognized Doctor Hobbes. He had retired a little before Vogelbaum, and in the photo, he could be seen next to a young girl, holding her by the shoulder as if she were his daughter.

Except she wasn't his daughter. She wasn't his at all.

"John ?" was the first thing Y/N said, smiling when she opened the door to find Homelander.

She didn't look surprised. Nor scared. She invited him in with a certain cheerfulness that no one displayed in Homelander's presence, especially knowing what he was truly capable of.

And Y/N knew it well, she had grown up with him.

"I'm so glad to see you ! Doctor Hobbes wouldn't let me contact you, he said it wouldn't be good for your career. He's dead, but I thought maybe he was right. I didn't want to bother you, you must be so busy. I didn't think you'd want to see me again."

"… They told me you were dead."

"Yes, I know." she sighed sadly, though she kept her smile. "Doctor Hobbes was selfish. I reminded him of his daughter, whom he lost in a car accident. He saw the opportunity to take me away, saying it would be better for me to be free. Except he kept me here, a new cage. At least he was kind enough to make me fake papers and adopt me before he died…"

"You wanted to leave."

"No ! No, I wanted to stay with you… He said you were going to become important, do important things, and that I would be a burden. It's true after all, like you say, I'm one of the mud people…"

"You're not a mud person !"

He had yelled like he had yelled at everyone for a long time now, but John immediately felt bad. He had never yelled at Y/N, never. He had promised not to hurt her.

It was surprising to see that she hadn't jumped, and that she still wasn't afraid. On the contrary, she only looked sorry for him, coming to sit next to him, putting a hand on his.

"I'm sorry, John. I should have tried to contact you. You would have told me if you didn't want me."

"I will always want you." he sobbed with shame. "You were everything to me ! My Y/N. The only good thing in this damn lab, the only one who cared about me, who comforted me when I came back from the bad room. I told myself… I told myself that I shouldn't get attached to humans after you. Because they're so fragile, so easy to lose."

"I'm here. I'm here as long as you want me."

She was sincere, her heart proved it. Her eyes were looking at him exactly as they had before she disappeared from his life.

With anyone else, John would have doubted. After everything he'd been through, the voices in his head could have told him to test the limits, to break her neck, to make fun of her.

But all he heard was 'Y/N is here ! She's back, she's alive ! Our Y/N ! Do better this time, protect her, don't lose her, tiger !'

When he took her in his arms and she tenderly returned his embrace, he felt what he was missing with Madelyn, with Stormfront, with Becca, with all the people around him.

He finally felt complete. Happy.

And for once, Homelander was going to do everything not to ruin everything.

[adore-laur]

DAD HARRY BLURB

——

With chopsticks perched between his fingertips, Harry distractedly picked at the steaming bowl of spicy chow mein noodles resting in his lap. The bright glow coming from the TV screen was the only illumination in the living room, and his tired eyes were glued to some nature documentary about snow monkeys. Beyond the curtains was a pitch-black sky. The ocean waves outside were calm. Inside, a steady noise came from the humidifier. The ambiance was ideal for a good night's sleep, but your hyperactive mind made it a futile endeavor.

In the dead of night, your cheek found a cozy position on Harry's shoulder—it was sturdy, warm, and the collector of your tears. He was the one you leaned on most in the last nine months, when exhaustion and exasperation pounded into your bones. To quell your discomfort, he massaged your swollen feet with attentive precision, shaved your legs when you couldn't see anything below your baby bump, adjusted to your hormonal mood swings with empathy, and cooked your favorite meals when getting out of bed felt like a chore. Above all, he made you feel beautiful each time your body changed. And as those changes came quickly and ruthlessly, he let it be known that his attraction to you wasn't fading. Not in the slightest.

In fact, it seemingly grew tenfold the moment you told Harry you were pregnant. You noticed his gaze lingering on your body more often, with an obsessive hunger darkening his irises. Throughout your pregnancy, he paid special attention to the widening shape of your hips, the heaviness of your breasts, and the blooming swell of your stomach. He documented the progression by taking weekly side-view pictures of your bump. He also wrote down milestones in his journal, like when the baby first kicked and where he had been when he found out the gender.

The obsession went both ways. With your zany hormones, you were more attracted to Harry than ever. It was borderline insane how often you wanted to jump his bones. He gained some sympathy weight and let his hair grow out. He embraced his stubble, which was a weakness of yours since you first started dating him. Most tempting was how seriously he prepared himself for fatherhood—building the crib with his bare hands, deep cleaning the house to show his appreciation, reading parenting books and asking you to quiz him on the content, and simply doting on you when you weren’t feeling like the best version of yourself. Needless to say, you were insatiable around him, and he gladly entertained your desires with an equal amount of fervor. The flame of romance was never snuffed out.

When the documentary ended, you rubbed your eyes and sighed. Anxiety about knowing the baby could come any minute had made you an insomniac, hence the midnight TV and leftovers session with your husband, who was also itching for something to happen. You both were getting a head start on sleep deprivation, at least—not that it was something to brag about.

At almost forty-one weeks pregnant, your baby girl was taking her sweet time. The obstetrician had said you would have to be induced if nothing progressed in two days. While holed up in the house, waiting for the first sign of labor, you and Harry had tried everything to try to kickstart the process—walking along the beach, eating spicy food like the chow mein Harry cooked tonight, and even desperate rounds of sex every morning since your due date passed. Nothing worked, causing frustration to build on both ends. The hospital bags were packed and waiting by the front door, and impatience gnawed away at your sanity every time you looked at them.

"Gotta pee," you said, sitting up with a groan. Your lower back ached, one of the many reasons why sleeping soundly was so unachievable.

Harry offered you his hand without a second thought, giving you leverage to get off the couch. The motion left you winded as you slowly waddled to the bathroom just down the hall, blindly touching the walls before reaching the light switch. You flicked it on, your eyes squinting against the harsh ceiling light. In the mirror above the sink, you stared at your reflection. Harry's shirt he lent you when your clothes no longer fit was stretched awkwardly over your stomach. You forewent wearing pants around the house because you simply couldn't be bothered. Altogether, you looked as miserable as you felt. As much as you were terrified to give birth, you just wanted to get it over with so you didn't have to feel so on edge all the time.

After emptying your bladder, you washed your hands and then stretched your back by resting your forearms on the sink and bending forward. Through the aches, you thought about Harry and how he had politely demanded the baby to come out yesterday, speaking to your bump in a hushed voice like it was a secret conversation between the two of them. Her response was several fluttery kicks to his palm, to which Harry then pecked kisses against the outline of her tiny foot—or maybe fist—to coax her out. It obviously didn't work, but it was fun to watch her move around so actively. It was like she was teasing you both, saying, Not yet, Mom and Dad. It's warm and cozy in here.

You smiled, feeling a rush of happiness at the memory. Harry was going to be such a wonderful first-time dad. He was devoted, patient, and playful in all the right moments. You had no doubt he would slip into the role perfectly. It was evident in the way he treated you, how he treated his mother, and even how he treated strangers on the street. He had so much love to give. Compassion coursed through his veins.

When you straightened your posture, a weird sensation occurred. You felt a peculiar pop, then a trickle of something down the insides of your thighs. You stood stock still, your fried brain working extra hard to process the situation, then looked at the floor, seeing a continuous drip of clear fluid pooling on the tiles. You knew what that meant, but you were paralyzed as glorious relief and sheer panic wrestled with your heartstrings. Did you manifest it? Or had time merely lapped you until you got dizzy? It was impossible to comprehend how the months had gone by at warp speed and also at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"Harry?" you called out apprehensively, resting your head against the wall.

A few seconds passed before he casually replied, "Yeah?"

You blew out a shaky exhale. "Come here, please."

Silence hung in the air until you heard the creak of the wood floors and the soft padding of his socked feet. You met him halfway in the dark hallway, standing awkwardly while holding your bump. The bathroom light spilled out like a spotlight shining down on you. Surely, he could see "it's time" written all over your face.

"Hi," you whispered, slightly embarrassed about the unusual state you were in. "Um... I think my water just broke."

Harry’s hands reached out like you were a timid animal and he was trying not to spook you. His eyes were wide as they roved over your body, unsure of how to proceed. He eventually stepped closer, then crouched to observe the fluid coating your bare legs.

"Yeah, I think it did," he replied hoarsely, his voice quiet with awe. “Those noodles must have done the trick."

A hysteric, breathy laugh bubbled up your throat. "No, I think she's finally ready to meet us."

At those words, Harry's features transformed into barely restrained excitement, with deep dimples appearing beside his gorgeous smile. He cradled your bump and spoke against it. "About time, baby girl. We've been going stir crazy out here."

A tear trailed down your cheek, the emotional reality hitting you with full force. This was it. This was the moment your life began to tilt toward a new purpose.

The pleasant thought was short-lived as a twinge of pain sparked in your lower abdomen. You grunted and pressed against the spot with your palm, a grimace tugging at your lips. Your belly tightened, causing you to grip Harry's shoulders for support.

"Oh, it's really happening," he said, standing and rubbing his forehead in shock. "Okay. All right. Should we..."

"Hospital," you mumbled, pinching your eyes shut.

"Right. Good thinking." Harry broke out of his trance and carefully guided you down the hall. He situated you on the couch before stressfully spinning in a circle, figuring out a plan of action. He hurried over to the two big duffel bags by the door and hefted them over his shoulders with ease. He then reached for the bowl where the car keys were, and you watched him open the front door while unlocking the car and pressing the button to open the garage door. After starting the engine and shoving the bags in the trunk, he came back inside.

"It hurts," you said weakly, groaning while hunched over. It was only going to get worse until the nurses gave you an epidural injection, which was also going to hurt. Hours, maybe even days, of physical pain lay ahead, and the prospect made you want to weep.

"I know, sweetheart," Harry replied. "Let's put your coat and shoes on, then we can leave."

"Hold on. Just... wait until this contraction passes."

He nodded and sat beside you. "What can I do?" he asked softly, his leg bouncing as he scanned your face.

"Brush your teeth. Your breath smells—ow—like chow mein." There was no suppressing your brutal honesty when in the thick of dealing with pain.

He blinked and smiled, like your complaint had completely unaffected him. "Noted."

While he obeyed your command, you got up and slid your sandals on. The contraction gradually subsided, but you still felt a heavy pressure near your pelvis. She was wasting no time in announcing her arrival.

Harry returned with a sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers on. His hair was tied up, and despite his confident walk toward you, you knew he was nervous based on his fidgety hands and rosy cheeks.

"Let's go," you said, standing by the door.

Harry stared at you with an affectionate gleam in his eyes. "You don't have any pants on, my love."

You glanced down, raising your brows in realization. "Whoops."

He was already on his way to the bedroom, laughing and calling out behind him, "Shorts, leggings, or sweatpants?"

You struggled for an answer since none of those options would fit well enough, hence the going shamelessly pantsless at home during the past month. Eventually, you decided, "My beach skirt, please."

He quickly retrieved your long sarong wrap skirt that was made out of soft, breathable fabric. He helped you into it, adjusting the stretchy waistband over your bump. It looked ridiculous paired with Harry's casual T-shirt on your upper half, but you were comfortable, and that was what mattered most.

"Can I take a picture of you like this?" Harry asked.

You frowned. "Why?"

"Because you look beautifully disheveled right now, and I want to keep this memory forever."

With a scowl, you reluctantly agreed with a grumbled "Fine."

He took out his phone and captured a couple of candid pictures of you leaning against the wall with your hands cupped under your bump. You had no desire to smile or pose.

After shoving his phone back in his pocket, he exhaled and cupped your cheeks. "Ready to have this baby?"

You stared into his eyes, getting lost in their gentleness. "My body is screaming yes, but my brain says absolutely not."

Harry kissed you briefly, a cool blast of mint gracing your lips. "I'm in your corner, okay? I'll be at your beck and call in that hospital room."

"Can you give birth for me?"

He chuckled, smoothing his thumbs under your eyes—you hadn't realized they were damp. "I would in a heartbeat if that were possible."

“You’ll regret saying that,” you replied dryly. “It’s not going to be a pretty sight.”

“We’ll see.” Another contraction ensued, a little more persistent than the last. Harry noticed and cautiously led you past the threshold. "Time to meet our girl,” he whispered, locking the door behind him.

Stepping into the November night, you inhaled the crisp air into your lungs and embraced the transcendent phase of life on the horizon.

——

[wonryllis]

VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT PLS READ!

tagging some moots. @koishua @enhalpy @boyfhee @okwonyo @lilyuwon @lheebra @tyunni @pockettwinzz @diorsyun @alvojake @leaderwon @isoobie @jjunae @stwrjvke @wonlvkay @kareyuns @intromortal @hooniehon @jungqkook @cornenhapovs @jaylaxies @fakeuwus @pprodsuga @glitterjay @sainns ( sorry if i missed you )

with my recent activities you all must have known this was coming. actually i myself had no idea, for real, that i would ever be doing this at all but here we are. there are some things we can't avoid in life, and i honestly never believed in it myself, until now.

this must not be shocking at all i know since there have been hints of it everywhere on my account recently especially my side blog @wonryllise and i really hope you all understand where i am coming from.

i really really really did not expect or want to be doing this but it is so very important and essential that it had to be done. it is a necessary part of my life and i can't just ignore it this way any longer and keep it inside me. it has been eating away at me so bad and i have been so conflicted over this matter for days now maybe even weeks.

hence i ask for your utmost empathy when i announce the inevitable and i hope i do not let you down with these words of mine.

i will completely get it if you decide not to support me or are upset with this decision of my mine but the circumstances are such that i have to do this in this disappointing manner with such words.

it has been five months since i started this blog and it's only now that i have realized this and it has been sitting inside my subconscious and i have been too afraid to address it. my deepest and biggest apologizes to each one of you who has been with me for so long and supporting me endlessly.

and so with the heaviest heart i am announcing this for the first the last time on this account of mine .. that sunghoon is officially my bias besides jungwon, he's my man and i am crazy over him and couldn't resist this anymore and here we are. this had to be done sooner or later, tell me you all saw this coming because yes i did see it myself. i was just avoiding the inevitable for the longest time.

[writing-for-life]

Hey there! I hope you’re having a good day. I just saw a post you made about Dream’s type romantically. Thoughts on Calliope and Dream’s relationship specifically? It always stands out to me how though Dream has had a number of lovers throughout the millennia, Calliope is the only one he married. (And of course, Melissanthi Mahut and Tom Sturridge’s blistering chemistry in the show is an additional component for me xD but feel free to respond only based on the comics if you wish!)

Hey, always happy to see your asks in my inbox!

So, first of all; I don’t care what everyone else thinks:

Dream and Calliope are the OTP even though I’m not a shipper. There, I said it, hit me over the head with a hammer, I live well in that tiny little corner of fandom 🤣

Conceptually, they are very, very alike. There is definitely something in there about dreams marrying epic poetry (and eloquence!) that’s just so on the nose.

But I also can’t help thinking: Slight power imbalance maybe, and we also get this more directly via the “all gods get born and die in the Dreaming.” I think often about how this would have played out for them once Calliope’s last worshippers have died—it’s certainly a tough one, even if their relationship hadn’t soured.

But even so: She is the Muse of Epic Poetry, he is the Prince of Stories, so there is A LOT of overlap between what they stand for. And hence, a lot of mutual understanding. They always struck me as *getting* each other (probably why they fell in love in the first place)—until they didn’t. The fact they didn’t live together was good for them I think, because thoughts need to be allowed freedom to form and develop. Plus, there’s also a lot to be said for Calliope keeping her independence that way. Not just in terms of personhood, but again if you think of how she was essentially created in, and will return to, the Dreaming. It’s probably wise for her (in conceptual terms) not to hang out there ALL the time?

She seems a lot more grounded in the mortal world than Dream is though. I always thought that was down to the fact that humans know her, as in actively worship her/ask her for inspiration, which must make her much closer in a way? Because bar a few, no one really *knows* Dream exists, although everyone does, if that makes any sense? Mortals know him on a subconscious level (that’s why he’s forever nebulous and *lonely*), but people know Calliope as a deity and seek connection explicitly. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, but to me, that was always a reason why, although a goddess, she seemed far less removed from the mortal plight than Dream was (at least when they were still an item—we all know he changed, even if he didn’t admit it [well, he did in the end to Nuala, which is a whole ‘nother topic]).

And when I think about why they didn’t work out, I can only think: “Orpheus”.

I mean yes, she said that they were already starting to drift apart slightly before she was with child, but there was still a lot of love between them even so. I think the death knell was to have a child on these wonky foundations. Why they did, we’ll never know.

Conceptually, there’s again something very deep and painful about dreams and poetry becoming something real. And then, that mortal child becoming immortal (until his father finally intervenes). But Orpheus was still all mortal and human to his core, even when he became immortal for a while, and that was *always* at the base of their rift. But I digress…

Back to why was Orpheus the death of their marriage? Dream’s advice to Orpheus was sound, yet it was unfeeling and lacked empathy. Calliope’s was maybe (?) not as reasonable, but she understood her child because a mother’s love is (usually) unconditional. We all know Dream’s wasn’t for a long time although it should have been.

I think if they’d all sat together as a family, supported their son in his grief in a balanced way, this whole catastrophe could have been avoided (I mean no, not really—it’s a tragedy, “doomed by the narrative” and all that). But all of Dream’s relationships (be that to his son or his lovers) fail because he is unreality (hence he has a hard time when things quite literally get real), and despite *knowing* mortals on a very deep level, I don’t believe he truly *understood* them at this point. But I think Calliope did—maybe due to who she was, maybe just because she actually *allowed* them in? Because Dream never truly did that. And when he finally did and truly understood what unconditional love actually means, he came apart at the seams and unravelled.

There’s also something really interesting conceptually in thinking of the Prince of Stories who doesn’t believe he has his own, and the Muse of Epic Poetry who inspires. Who is trying to control whom in this scenario? It’s mirrored in how they behave when the whole Orpheus tragedy takes off:

Calliope tries to inspire and, dare I say try to control the narrative a bit, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, quite the opposite: She looks for the most favourable outcome for everyone involved, even if it means bending the rules: She tries to convince Dream to put in a good word with Hades and believes he would listen because Gods respect him and, dare I say it, are even a bit scared of him.

Dream is rigid. Which is so mind-bending for someone who is the personification of hopes, wishes and possibility. But he is an immovable object: If he’s right, he’s right. That’s the rules, that’s it. And he won’t bend them, not even for his son. I’m not saying that it’s not understandable from his point of view, because he might know things we don’t (potentially also that although he *could* bend the rules because he has the power to do so, it might have knock-on effects no one else can understand or see—it’s impossible to say), only that they are fundamentally different in their approach although they are *both* about inspiration. And inspiration is so closely related to bringing on change (ouch!).

Part of me wants to say that Calliope uses it to control the narrative while Dream doesn’t, that Calliope believes that we can change our destiny while Dream doesn’t, but that’s also too simple. Because Dream *can* be controlling, but in totally different ways and areas.

I feel like I’m rambling out a lot of unordered thoughts, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that Dream and Calliope were so close because they are so similar in so many ways bar one:

Their understanding how inspiration can be used to bring on change. I would somehow go as far as saying that Calliope understands what it means to have personhood, also for herself, and that’s why she understands it in others (I think this is made *very* clear when Richard Madoc holds her hostage). Dream doesn’t—least not at the point where it would have mattered with regards to their relationship, because I think the fishbowl has changed him in that regard. This is also why he wants to make things right with her I believe. But of course he would never openly admit it (he basically stops himself before blurting it out), simply because it would also mean he’d need to admit it to himself…

With regard to that meta:

I definitely think they were highly romantically attracted, purely down to who/what they are. I can’t say too much about their sexual attraction, but after Calliope’s speech at his wake, it would be somewhat unlikely to assume they weren’t 🙈🤣

Was it unconditional though? No.

Was it pragmatic (that sounds so bad and unfeeling, but it’s not a bad thing, because a certain level of pragmatism is what grounds love in reality and makes it last)? I think they tried. But ultimately, he can never live that way because he is unreality, and I often wonder if they both knew 😭

@two-hands-toward-the-sun ask answered

[littlemisspascal]

Rockford & Roan Pt. 6

Pairing: Tim Rockford x Female Reader/OFC ‘Roan’

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: “You’re probably thinking, this is crazy. Being whisked away through a portal for a clandestine meeting with my match’s brother–what the hell is going on? Am I right?”

Rating: T. Heed the warnings y'all!

Warnings: Language, Reader has a dog, Reader has military background, Superpower AU, They Were Roommates AU, self-esteem issues, soulmates-ish, original characters, worldbuilding, sort-of threat of murder, Reader has a made-up place of birth, stress, anxiety, named Thief character

- Reader has no first name and no physical traits described in detail except for being shorter than Rockford. Reader is mentioned to have hair

Author Note: Thank you always for the kind support💗

Special thanks to @beecastle for beta reading and encouraging me 💜💜💜

Series Masterlist

The Brother

It takes a moment for you to shake off your shock, mutely staring at the man–Rockford’s brother, his flesh and blood relative–before stooping to reclaim Banjo's leash, giving it a firm tug. Your dog obediently, albeit begrudgingly, returns back to your side where he sits with a paw on your shoe. A hugely possessive action for such a small creature. 

The man in the floral robe (and what’s up with that? His entire outfit looks perfectly tailored, every last crisp detail painstakingly crafted to suit his broad frame) inclines his head, looking cordial if not for the slight calculating sharpness in his gaze. “You’re probably thinking, this is crazy. Being whisked away through a portal for a clandestine meeting with my match’s brother–what the hell is going on? Am I right?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” you say flatly, and he actually chuckles at that.

“When one is avoiding the attention of Timotheus Rockford, discreetness is the name of the game. Hence the one place he refuses to set foot in again.”

Well, that certainly doesn’t sound ominous at all. A memory flickers in the back of your mind of a knife stabbed into the apartment’s wall. Rockford’s first and to date only mention of his brother.

“Which is a shame,” the man continues with a put upon sigh, “because all his things are exactly where he left them in his room.”

“What?”

“Mamá insisted,” he says plainly, as if those two words are enough to erase your confusion. He scoffs then, nose scrunching. “No matter what I say, the old bat thinks her darling boy will find his way back home one of these days.”

Home? Rockford’s never struck you as the filthy rich type before—the man owns exactly one (1) ratty brown trench coat that he’ll probably take with him to his grave, for crying out loud. You’d assumed he’d had a modest upbringing similar to yours, but standing here in a lavishly decorated room larger than half of your childhood home…well. It’s crystal clear you were wrong about him.

Brown eyes narrow in consideration. “You seem upset.”

Your spine tenses up, not liking the shift in subject of the conversation. “Yeah well, you seem–”

Your empathy spasms painfully when you reach for it. A pins and needles sensation that has your fingers flexing instinctively. You can barely sense the faintest of glimmers from the woman’s mind behind you, empathy feeling strained as if she’s hundreds of miles away. Horror begins creeping into your bones as you turn your attention to the man who’s begun to smirk at you. 

“I was wondering when your soldier instincts would realize something was amiss,” he says, looking at you the same way you imagine a scientist looks at a microscope slide, putting you on edge.

Gritting your teeth, you sharpen what little of your mind-gift you can concentrate on into a blade. Even if you can’t pierce through all his defenses, at the very least he’ll have a migraine from hell.

But lashing out reveals no target. Just a blank, gaping void where his aura should be.

Your lips part in a silent gasp, all coherent thoughts fleeing your head. If you weren’t looking directly at him, you wouldn’t be able to tell he was here at all. How…how is that possible? 

Every living being has emotions, even those with the coldest of hearts can’t evade your mind-gift’s detection. And this man—this man wearing your match’s face—he’s obviously experiencing feelings. One look at the crinkled lines along the corners of his eyes, the flash of his white teeth in a smug grin, is proof enough. So why the fuck is he invisible to you?

“Who are you?” you ask, raking your gaze over him. 

“I answer to many names.”

“He’s a dramatic bitch,” the nameless woman chimes in with a voice like smoke and chocolate. Banjo growls a low, grumpy note, still distrustful of her. 

“Your commentary, as always, is much appreciated, Saturn, thank you.” The man’s tone is sharp, and his glare sharper. If looks could kill, Saturn would be a bloody stain on the floor right now. 

Instead, she shrugs off the retort like a duck flicking water off its feathers. “No problem, boss.” 

Your lips curl into an unimpressed scowl. “Who are you?” Then, more insistently, “What are you?”

“I’ll let you call me Cassius, Miss Roan. We are practically family, after all,” he says with a wryness that has your temper flaring hotly. “As for what I am, well. I like to think of myself as something of a master thief. It’s got a nice ring to it. Much better than a suppressor, in my opinion.”

A ripple of shock spasms across your face, heart lurching heavily in your chest.

Suppression is widely considered one of the rarest of gifts. Rare like one born every ten years kind of rare. You’ve only heard news stories about suppressors, how they can steal the abilities of others with just one look or touch. Sometimes for mere minutes. Sometimes for several years. They’re reported as heroes saving the day as often as they are criminals who need to be isolated from the rest of society.

Regardless of his relationship to Rockford, Cassius’ status as your ally or enemy remains to be determined. His personality leaves much to be desired, but really it all boils down to how long he intends to lock away your mind-gift.

Your empathy has always been a vital part of you. The way you can feel it fading away, a dying candle flame devoid of oxygen, makes your skin crawl. Reminds you of childhood summers at the beach, futilely grasping at sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. You didn’t realize the full extent of how much you rely on your mind-gift until right this moment, forced to guess what Cassius’ is feeling just from his body language alone. Is this really how the rest of the population lives? You shudder at the thought. 

“Relax,” Cassius tells you, though it doesn’t have much of an effect. Not until he adds, “I won’t keep your mind-gift long. And if I really meant you harm I would’ve had Saturn portal you off a building.”

“Messy, but effective,” Saturn agrees.

Your eyes grow impossibly wider. (Did she just confess to murdering people? Surely she’s joking. Yeah. You’re gonna tell yourself she’s joking.)

“I really did just bring you here for a chat,” the thief says, ignoring his…assistant? Business partner? You haven’t quite pinned down what they are to each other, relying only on Saturn referring to him as ‘boss’ as a clue.

“Why?” you ask, voice still a little shaky before you make yourself take a deep, steadying breath. “Clearly you and your brother aren’t on the best of terms with each other. I matched with him, yes, but other than that I’m a nobody. Why waste time talking to me?”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Sergeant Roan. You’re far more interesting than any old nobody.” Cassius sticks his hands into the deep pockets of his robe, expression annoyingly inscrutable. “Born in Rabicano. Enlisted at eighteen. Discharged earlier this year following a lapse of control. Though you did manage to save your camp and fellow soldiers from falling into enemy hands during a midnight raid. You deserve kudos for that.”

Your lips purse, fighting to remain calm. Those details are supposed to be confidential, known only to you, the military, and Dr. Odair. 

“You’ve done your research. Good job.” You flash a sardonic smile. “Are you trying to scare me off? Is that what this is?”

“Not at all. On the contrary, I quite like you staying at 445D Albatross Lane. Gives you close eyes on Timotheus—his comings and goings, his health, his cases.” He pauses, wetting his bottom lip. “My sources tell me you’ve been searching for a new source of employment. I’d be happy to pay you a large sum of money.”

“In exchange for what?” you ask cautiously.

“Information,” Cassius answers, eyes gleaming. “Just…tell me what my brother’s up to. Despite our differences, I do care about him. Somewhat.”

“No. I’ll never be a spy.” You shake your head. Things may be strained between you and Rockford at the moment, but you’d never betray his trust. Not for all the money in the world. 

The thief blinks, something that looks an awful lot like surprise there and gone in the span of a heartbeat. You bite back a smug grin. It’s pretty nice being the one catching him off guard for a change.

“I haven’t mentioned a figure.”

“Don’t care.”

“You…don’t care?” Cassius echoes faintly, and it genuinely appears as if you’ve short-circuited his mind. He recovers quickly, squinting with a knowing air. “You’re protective of him.”

“He’s my match,” you say firmly. “And he’s my friend.”

There’s an awkward stretch of silence, nobody saying anything. Even Saturn doesn’t have a quip prepared. You find yourself wondering about Rockford, if he’s noticed you’re missing. You hope so. You hope even more to mend what’s been fractured. A long talk is in order once things wrap up here.

And then Cassius sighs—a single puff of air, yet it has the impact of a bullet hitting your gut.

For the first time since meeting him, his expression isn’t one of blankness or arrogance or humor at your own expense. No, it’s something else aging him several years, deepening the wrinkles of his brow, shoulders sagging from their perfect posture.

You’re scared to realize it might be disappointment.

“His friend? Nonsense. That tells me you don’t really know who he is.”

The moment Cassius says them, you want to take those words and stuff them down his throat until he chokes. Because that’s your biggest fear– plucked from the darkest corners of your being and exposed like an open wound to be mocked and prodded–that everything you’ve been learning about Rockford is wrong. No, maybe not everything, but the intimate details. All the itty bitty pieces gathered and studied and fitted together in hopes of understanding what makes Rockford Rockford. 

“It’s a work in progress,” you admit. “We’ve both got trust issues and baggage we don’t talk about. And maybe he’s got a bit of a head start with his gift when it comes to knowing me, but I can be patient. Good things come to those who wait, so they say. And he’s worth waiting for.”

Cassius hums, thoughtful, then asks you, “And if it’s not a good thing in the end. What then?”

You frown. “I don’t understand.”

“I think there’s another popular phrase you’d do well to remember.” He steps closer, indifferent to Banjo scampering onto four legs with a disgruntled woof and the way you bristle when he clasps your shoulder in a firm hold, thumb pressing down ever so slightly. An unspoken warning to shut up and listen. Leaning in even nearer, his mouth drifts mere inches above your cheek, breath warm, and then he’s whispering in your ear, “Ignorance is bliss. Be very careful, Miss Roan, which truths you seek to learn about my brother.”

You say nothing, staring at the wall over his shoulder, heart pounding in your throat.

When he steps back, hand dropping to his side once more, the thief is smiling again, dimpled and cheery, expression cleared of stoicism. “I’m glad to have finally met you. It was an enlightening experience. No need to worry about finding a cab at this hour, Saturn will drop you back safely at your apartment doorstep.”

The Card

Your second trip through one of Saturn’s portals is as chaotic and disorienting as the first time, but you land on your feet at least instead of rolling across the sidewalk. Even better, your arrival back home comes with the return of your mind-gift, rising like the first sunrise after months of pitch blackness, burning away the numbness plaguing your brain.  

The portal closes up behind you with a quiet whooshing sound, leaving you and Banjo alone on Albatross Lane, not another soul in sight. Banjo gives himself a full-bodied shake from nose to tail tip, yawning once he’s finished. Seems like you’re not the only one exhausted by the last few hours.

This night feels like one of the longest ones of your life, full of unexpected twists and traumatic trips down memory lane, culminating with perhaps the strangest encounter you’ve ever had with another human being. You’re still not sure what to make of Cassius. What kind of man offers to pay someone to provide information on his own brother? Is their relationship seriously so hopelessly broken that they can’t even fake a civil conversation on the phone like many siblings do? 

Only two people can answer those questions. And one of them’s a short elevator ride away. You can sense Rockford’s emotions from down here, almost like a distant thunderstorm on the horizon, rumbling with irritation.

You stick your hands into your jacket pockets, mentally bracing yourself for what’s next to come, but the discovery of something brushing against your fingertips makes you pause. Eyebrows scrunching, you pull out a green patterned playing card and flip it over to reveal the three of hearts. You’re baffled by its existence for all of five seconds before remembering Cassius’ abrupt closeness at the end of your conversation. A cover to hide his parting gift unnoticed. 

That settles it then. Mysteriousness must run in the Rockford family genes.

“C’mon boy,” you say to Banjo, stuffing the card away. The yellow door beckons you closer, friendly amongst the nightly shades of grays and blacks. It’s a shame what awaits you inside isn’t nearly as soothing. “One more conversation to go before we sleep.”

[byuno-o]

ASTROLOGICAL THEORY THAT I'VE APPLIED ON MYSELF.

Hello everyone! it's been a while, hasn't it? Long story short, I've read somewhere on reddit that one's solar return starts around 6 months before their birthday. So, thankfully I'd read about it on around June or July, and since my birthday is on December. I decided to try applying it on myself.

NOTE: I had no permission from anyone to use their charts hence I had to apply the theory on myself.

___

Okay since my birthday is on December, I had to look for my 2024 Solar return chart from 2024-2025 for this year's July to next year's June. I was kind of confused for a lot of people I've met here and on reddit told me that I should use 2023 SR chart for 2024 since my birthday falls on last quarter. But I kinda wanted to check SR for myself so I meticulously wrote down the events related to my 2024 SR chart.

POINTS TO REMEMBER: Cancer Rising, Sun and Mercury in 3rd house sag, moon and jupiter in 9th house gemini, saturn and Neptune in 6th house pisces, Mars in 11th house leo, Pluto in 5th house Aquarius, Uranus in 8th house Taurus. And I will not put the details which might seem like TMI to me.

So, for July 2024, nothing really happened.

I had a good talk with my friends, Mars was pretty prevalent along with Mercury. I was hell-bent on finding a job in the field I wanted to work in; a one-track mind if you will. Despite being an introvert with the worst communication skills, I was talking a lot to my friends and acted like their therapist.

August is where the changes started to take place.

A friend of mine with same moon sign as me (natally) reached out to me with a job advertisement he saw and told me to interview. I did and I got the job. But right away I had to quit (just 2 hours into it) because of some personal reason. So saturn and Neptune worked hard given that those are in my 6th house. So, the whole month I was getting jobs only to quit due to various reasons.

September took a toll me. I was stressed out over the fact that every day I would wake up smiling and get ready for interviews and get the damned jobs only to either quit or get told to not come. And I told a lot of my friends about it only for them to wonder what's wrong or show empathy. My studies was not going well, and I was ruining my health due to constant travelling. Until September last week when life turned around. I applied for a job I swore I'd never take. And that's the only job that accepted me. And I quit my studies. My health as well as my relationship with my family got better.

October is when the magic is still happening. The job that I got is paging way better than I thought. And contrary to what I used to believe, I love that job and well, the growth I did in such a short amount of time is well, Saturn really helps. But ngl, I am still wondering if Neptune will show his magic and what if all of this is illusion? And Jupiter and Sun being in the 3rd house helped me a lot with my writing and communication. Let's just say, I was saying the right words at the right time.

That's it for now. There's so much that changed and happened which would be TMI. But yeah, SR chart is working for me. Do let me know your thoughts on this. Should I continue?

[wondereads]

December Reading Wrap-Up

The Villain Edit by Laurie Devore (★★★★☆)

I saw this author speak at Yallfest, hence why I decided to branch out quite a bit from my typical choices. The Villain Edit is a contemporary romance about a failed romance author who goes on a Bachelor-esque show to drum up sales for her backlist. She has a one night stand the day before production starts, who turns out to be a producer on the show. As much as this has the premise of a romance novel, I would consider it a contemporary novel with a strong side of romance. The focus is by and large on the development of the main character, Jac, as she struggles with her personal issues and starts to crack under the spotlight. I did enjoy the romance—even though the "love triangle" has a completely obvious end, Devore does some fun things with it—but I would have been perfectly content if Jac ended up alone, as long as she came to terms with herself.

Jac is a decidedly 'unlikeable' character, in both the show and the book, but she's highly entertaining to read about, and I felt a lot of empathy for her. She makes so many bad decisions and is unfailingly rude, but she rarely felt grating, even if I was banging my head against my steering wheel as I listened to the audiobook. There were some moments that felt a little misogynistic to me, but I think it was just playing into the dehumanizing aspects of reality tv. Even though this book is outside of my comfort zone, I had a great time with it, and it did a good job maintaining tension throughout.

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (★★★★★)

I am always blown away by how Tamsyn Muir constructs such intricate plots. I've read Harrow before, but I was still astonished by how neatly everything came together, each mystery playing into the others (I also have a crap memory so I forgot a lot of the book). Of the three Locked Tomb protagonists, Harrow is definitely my favorite. She's not 'funny' like Gideon or Nona, but she's snarky in her own way, and I have a soft spot for overachievers. She's also ridiculously competent and dedicated, and it's incredibly satisfying to see her always take it further than anyone thinks she will (soup).

Since I wasn't panicking about what the actual fuck was going on like the first time I read this, I got to slow down and take in more of the side relationships a bit more. Augustine and Mercy are both hilarious characters in their own right, and it's only multiplied when they're put together. I am an Ianthe hater (this would all be over if it wasn't for her), but she's just as compelling a character as everyone else. And then there's Jod. Fuck Jod. Anyway, on a technical level, Muir's writing is just breathtaking, with serious, flowery descriptions cut with hard-hitting, simplistic statements, occasionally lightened by humor that would be out of place in any other story. What an amazing book.

More books under the cut

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (★★★★★)

It took me a while to decide to give Nona five stars. Not because it isn't a spectacular book, it is, but because I experienced so much emotional turmoil while reading it that I wanted to withhold a perfect rating out of spite. Paul?? You can't put Paul in a novel and expect me to reward you for it. And yet it's all so good there's no other option. I'm actually quite furious with myself that it took so long to catch on to what was happening. I've still got absolutely no clue how necromancy works, but it was very interesting to learn its origins, only recorded through Ye Olde Twitch.

I was very excited to see the return of a fan-favorite character. I was a bit worried she Came Back Wrong. She probably did a little, but for the most part it just seems like her own, genuine decision to behave in this way in some semblance of a quarter-life-crisis. The first half of the book is rife with amazing new relationships, though I am hesitant to describe it as found family as it only lasts around 300 pages before quickly becoming lost family (that's not a spoiler, Muir would never let anyone be happy). In terms of the worldbuilding, beyond the origin story, it was so interesting to see what life is like outside of the Nine Houses, and there are many new mysteries introduced. I think the thing I most want to know more about is what the hell is going on with the Resurrection Beasts. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I wait news of Alecto eagerly.

For She Is Wrath by Emily Varga (★★★☆☆.5)

This started off as a very strong book. The story revolves around Dani, who used to be the daughter of an esteemed swordsmith before she was framed for the murder of a warlord and sent to prison. She is able to break out of said prison with the help of another young girl who just so happens to have a secret stash of magic. Dani puts this magic to use to disguise herself in order to infiltrate the royal court and take revenge on all who ruined her life—especially her former paramour, Prince Mazin..

I really liked Dani, the main character, and her pursuit of vengeance is a classic tale, even if this weren't a retelling. The very beginning is a little convenient (really, of all prison cells?), but once Dani is able to start working toward revenge I was hooked. I found the magic system intriguing, the romance had a lot of good tension, and it was incredibly satisfying to see the execution of said revenge. The big issue I had with this book was pacing. I seriously thought this would be the first in a series; it felt like there wasn't nearly enough time to do everything the characters wanted to in just over 400 pages. However, in the last 100 or so pages of this book, so much happens. A character is kidnapped and saved, an ill-advised bargain is made and broken, a big betrayal and a big reunion occur, on top of like seven other plot points. These major plot points, which would usually be given at least a full chapter if not multiple, were being cycled through with only a few pages each, not allowing the reader, or the characters, room to dwell on what was happening. It was so disorienting and unsatisfying that I docked what could have easily been a 4.5/4.75 star read down to 3.5.

The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik (★★★★★)

I don't really have much new to say about this one; I remembered it pretty well, I just reread it for potential use in my thesis. It was tough to stay focused on the actual reason I was combing through instead of just underlining every time El and Orion were in the same room. I continue to be obsessed with their relationship, even years after the series has ended. My favorite part of this book is probably the Scholomance itself; I love that it is shown to be somewhat sentient, even if it is only to fulfill the parameters of its creation. I honestly wish we could have gotten more of it as a character in its own right, but I know the plot wouldn't work otherwise.

The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik (★★★★★)

This one was a bit different. Still reading for my thesis, but I honestly forgot a good bit of the story, so there were some twists that surprised me once again. Novik is not subtle about the magical world being an allegory for ours, the fortunate creating problems (pollution, poverty, etc.) for the less so and needing to be forced to do something about it. The only truly fantastical thing about the whole situation is that El truly can single-handedly force them to care, which is quite cathartic to read. While there are a lot of new characters and relationships introduced in this book, and I'm a fan of all of them (particularly El and Liesel), my favorite is El's mom. Her and El play off each other well, and it's interesting to see the woman El constantly brings up in her narration.

Threads That Bind by Kika Hatzopoulou (★★★★☆.75)

I was not anticipating this book to be so good! Threads That Bind follows Io, who uses her skills as a Fate-born, allowing to see the threads of fate, as a private investigator in the city of Alante. Her latest case leads her to a run-in with an inhumanly strong and half-crazed woman who wields her own cut life thread as a weapon. Investigating the mystery leads Io to criminal gangs, up-and-coming politicians, and her own absent sister, all involved in something dark in the city's past. I think the mystery of this book was very good; I definitely had my suspicions for the ultimate culprit (and there were some red herrings that just felt unnecessary), but the process of Io discovering the truth was highly entertaining and it wasn't completely obvious.

I also loved the magic system! The idea of characters being distantly descended from various mythological figures, giving them appropriate powers, was very interesting, especially since it isn't the typical demigod approach. My favorite part of it is that the powers come in sets of siblings, each one playing a different role. For example, of her three sisters, Io is a Cutter, representing the Fate that cuts the threads of life, which allows her to sacrifice one of her own threads to cut someone else's. The worldbuilding is also one of my favorite tropes, which is that it seems to be Earth but far in the future, after some sort of climate disaster. I hope the rest of the series explains more of the history! Io herself was mostly a likable and easy-to-root-for protagonist. My one gripe with this book was that she felt a little too perfect sometimes, a lot of her mistakes and failings coming from her rough upbringing, not necessarily her personal flaws. Still, I enjoyed reading about her, and I really liked the romance. Her and Edei have a pretty natural progression from allies to friends to lovers that doesn't feel rushed, which is often an issue I have with YA romances these days. There was one thing I was hoping would happen, but I'm holding out for the sequel (the title, Hearts That Cut, bodes well). Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book, and I'm looking to get the second one soon!

Wolf Siren by Beth O'Brien (★★★★☆)

Can't say much about this one, it's unreleased and I read it for work, but it balanced an understandable middle grade writing style well with the heavy topics it addresses.

Forged by Blood by Ehigbor Okosun (★★★☆☆.25)

This one was a bit of a disappointment. Forged by Blood tells the story of Demi, an Oluso who can wield magic in a land that has forbidden it. She is hired by a lord to kidnap the prince of her kingdom, Jonas, in a deceptive bid to get him a higher position that would hopefully benefit her people. Demi does so with the help of her close friend, Colin, but a wrench in their plans requires them to go on a bit of a journey with the prince. This book isn't really advertised as such, but it's absolutely a romantasy, not a high fantasy. Demi's world is an unsubtle allegory for colonization, the northerners having overthrown the original royal family and oppressing literally everyone else. This is a typical plot, but it's not the unoriginality I have an issue with; it's the fact that the romance kind of neuters the whole metaphor. In an attempt to allow Demi a romantic relationship with Jonas, prince of her oppressors, the story has to take a whole forgiveness-and-collaboration approach to what is basically colonization, and it just misses the mark.

In general, I wasn't a huge fan of the romance in this book. There are a lot of plot gaps that clearly only exist to make room for popular romance scenes, and the romance just wasn't good enough for me to forgive that. I was sort of into it in the beginning, but that was more the concept; the characters don't really have much chemistry. The thing is, I really enjoyed Demi and Jonas as characters (Colin less so, he was clearly only there for love triangle drama). They're both passionate and dedicated, which the romance doesn't really add to. The magic system is also interesting, based on Nigerian mythology, but the book doesn't dwell on it as much as I'd like. Overall, there wasn't really anything egregiously wrong with this book, but it wasn't nearly as good as it could have been.

The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang (★★★★★)

Another thesis reread!

Impossible by Lyra Cole (★★★☆☆.75)

This book is an omegaverse about five incredibly damaged people. Indie is an isolated girl with an intense eating disorder who discovers that she is an omega. In this world, omegas and alphas live in relative secret, making the transition difficult for her on top of her psychological struggles. Meanwhile, Hollis, Joshua, Leon, and Risk are four alphas whose pack fell apart in a mysterious, violent 'incident,' leaving them all traumatized. Normally books like this shy away from the impact PTSD and depression can have on someone's life. Impossible doesn't sugarcoat how flashbacks and severe depression fuck with a person's psyche, which I really appreciated. This is first and foremost a romance book, but it still allocates a decent amount of time to discussing the characters' problems and their healing process.

Other than that, there is a loose political undercurrent in the story, things that have far too serious implications for an omegaverse romance duology. Concerning that, I would have appreciated more happening; I was anticipating a bit more conflict coming from that area. The romance itself is pretty good; Indie and Leon by far spend the most time together, so their relationship develops the most naturally. The others feel a bit rushed, but I still like them. The book feels a little vague and directionless, but I enjoyed the characters and romance.

Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (★★★★☆.5)

My longest read of the year tells the story of Phedre no Dalaunay. In the country of Terre D'Ange, there is one precept valued above all others: love as thou wilt. D'Angelines have a unique desire for beauty that presents itself in art, governance, and, crucially, sex. In the Houses of Night, which worship Namaah, sex is their method of tribute, and Phedre, sold by her mother to Namaah's service, has known all her life what she is meant to do. The only thing out of the ordinary about her is a red mote in her eye, Kushiel's Dart, which marks her as someone who experiences pain and pleasure as one. A noble, Lord Delaunay, takes notice of Phedre and purchases her indenture to then train her in the art of espionage. Her position allow her into places typical spies have no access to, and her skills loosen her clients' tongues. But Terre D'Ange is unstable, and her subterfuge leads her into a conspiracy to take a kingdom.

For a book published in 2001, this book is astonishing pro-LGBTQ and sex-positive. It portrays an understanding and healthy depiction of BDSM, draws a tasteful line between consensual sex work and rape, and boasts multiple characters that are openly queer. It's more politics and arranged marriages that get in the way of relationships than gender. This is also a complex and compelling political fantasy, pulling in court intrigue, diplomatic relations, and pretty good accuracy for medieval Europe (the map is just Europe, Terre D'Ange is France, it's not subtle). Phedre herself is a wonderful protagonist; she is dedicated, headstrong but clever, and knows how to utilize her talents to the best of her abilities. She has multiple entanglements throughout the course of the novel, but there are two main relationships, both of which were wonderful to read. One is a deadly dance, exploring the lines between love and hate, and one is complete devotion as the two go through hell together. Even for a book that discusses sex so openly, there actually aren't many sex scenes and most take up very little space; don't go into this one expecting a ton of smut. My only complaint is that the story does drag at times; it is over 1000 pages. I would read the trigger warnings before picking up this book, but otherwise I highly recommend it if you're looking for an in-depth political fantasy.

Otherworldly by F. T. Lukens (★★★★☆)

This was a cute, lighthearted paranormal romance between a goddess' familiar and a teenager who doesn't believe in magic. Ellery's region of the world has been stuck in an eternal winter for five years, but they might have a chance to save their city (and their family's farm) when they meet Knox, a familiar who's gone rogue for the chance to live his own life for once. The deal is simple: Knox helps Ellery discover why their Goddess has abandoned them, and Ellery helps Knox experience normal teenage things. Lukens has always been quite good at writing these cozy fantasy romances; they use magic tropes well to further the romance. I've previously had issues with them creating a world that 300-page romances just don't have time to explore, but this one was pretty self-contained and I didn't feel unsatisfied at the end.

The romance itself is very cute; Ellery and Knox play off each other well, and the story doesn't feel overly contrived or too rushed. I do think it's a little ridiculous that this one area of the world has been trapped in winter for five years and Ellery still doesn't believe in the supernatural. Oddly, it was the skepticism that broke my immersion. However, once they get past that, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. If you're looking for cute, fantastical romances, F. T. Lukens is a great bet, and I've enjoyed every book from them I've read.

[dear-mrs-otome]

Galileo Galilei - White Day

"These are for you."

MC is startled when out of nowhere Galileo offers her a bouquet of white flowers, wrapped in paper. (I see that wrapping job there sir, nice attempt at casual) They're very beautiful, she can't help thinking, but she's a bit baffled by the gesture - especially given his usual, standoffish demeanor.

She asks why he's giving these to her, and Galileo reminds her how she gave him chocolates last month, right?

He's merely returning the favor. She hadn't had any expectations that he might, but she's happy regardless.

Aloud, she laughs a little. "You're a conscientious person too," she tells him. (Echoing the way he'd called her that for gifting him Valentine's chocolate as an apology for using his telescope without permission in their very first story)

"I just don't want to be in anyone's debt," he replies.

She gladly accepts the flowers and remarks on how beautiful they are, but she's not familiar with what kind they are. He tells her he's not sure of all the specifics but they're a type of helichrysum - although usually those come in bright colors. These white ones came as a fluke from a university cultivation program, not the color they wanted at all. (AM I THE ONLY ONE READING SOME HEAVY SYMBOLISM HERE?)

He says when he heard they were just going to be tossed, her words came to mind. (How she'd mentioned, when they first met, that she felt like even chance encounters can have meaning) And with her having said something like that, he thought she would treasure these new flowers.

She's kind of silently stunned he remembered her words like that.

"You can throw them away if you have no need of them. Do as you please," Galileo tells her offhandedly.

"No!" she gasps. "I'll take good care of them!"

Galileo just does an about face at that and walks off without another word...but as he goes, the last glimpse she catches of his expression seems softer.

Back at the mansion on the balcony, she's looking at the flowers again and musing how they look like she's holding shooting stars in her hand. Maybe the same thing had occurred to Galileo, which is why he wanted to save the flowers? Because he seems to love the stars so much.

She stares up at the night sky, thinking about his still unseen heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

MRS. O'S TINFOIL HAT RAMBLINGS:

I already blathered a bit in tags o a different post about the flower symbolism, but let me do it again. These are white strawflowers, which are also known as helichrysum, fyi.

Very lovely, and they dry and remain almost perfectly preserved, hence some of their other names: Everlasting, or Immortelle. They symbolize eternal life or immortality - but also something 'always remembered' and some take it a step further and go with 'eternal love'. Usually they come in many different colors of pinks and reds, or white with bright yellow centers.

This has me side-eyeing things so hard though because the very first story we ever got of his involves MC wandering the Timey-Wimey Hallway, being called and cajoled by a sexy voice she later figures out is Galileo's, and she gets to witness a bit of his past and his imprisonment. Drake's story definitely was just a normal, meet-cute on the street style, nothing as mystical as timewalking. I have a feeling this is going to feature prominently in his stories, along with the heavy emphasis that there is no such thing as a random meaningless encounter.

BUT ALSO, here's heavy tinfoil time! Maybe I'm looking too hard but the symbolism doesn't escape me here of him identifying with and feeling empathy towards these white flowers that symbolize eternity (all pale colored, much like our hero, no??) that are an unwanted accident. A misfire of genetics that's only good to be tossed away and culled. I STAND BY MY DHAMPIR/ HALF-PUREBLOOD THEORY.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Dorothy Must Die!Scarecrow x TinMan'sSecond-In-Command!Fem!Reader || Drabble

Plot: You're in love with the Tin Man, but he's in love with Dorothy. And the Scarecrow???... well... he's mean.

Warnings: Stitches, blood, unrequited love, Possessive behaviour.

This is a version of the The Wizard of Oz's Scarecrow from Danielle Paige's Dorothy Must Die series, in which he becomes a crafty, Frankensteinian mad scientist while the Tin Man is a love sick nightmare and the 'Cowardly' Lion is a blood thirsty monster. I definitely recommend checking it out if you like TWoOz (Including the book and the sequel movie).

Sitting on the Scarecrow's work bench with your wrist in his grasp, trying to ignore the sting that came from stitches (if anyone in Oz new how to sew, it was him), you felt just... the most miserable you've ever felt. Completely hurt. And grim.

"... he's never going to love me back, is he?" You ask rhetorically, for you already know the answer.

The Scarecrow, sitting in a wooden chair focused on your cut forearm (An accident the Tin Man left behind, reacting startled when you attempted to help him up off the ground where Queen Dorothy shoved him. She'd said whoops, but only he believed she didn't actually mean to do it. He was going for her delicate hand, after all), 'tuts'. "No, he he isn't."

You sigh. "I didn't really need an answer."

"Mhm, I know."

Here you look down and settle the glorified canvas bag with a frustrated, annoyed, cross look for his complete lack of empathy, and he just shrugs. Soulless button eyes as black as coal and blank as oblivion looking back at you. "Sorry. Was that rude?"

... he knows perfectly well that he's rude, so you just look away again; showing him a cold shoulder.

All the brains in the world wouldn't get him back what he's lost- his heart. It seemed they all lost something that one of the others coveted when they went to see that wizard. He gained the brain he so desired but he used to be kind, you hear. And now he's not. Contrary-wise, the Tin man got his heart but he seems... to have lost all courage. He's a punching bag for his love. And the Lion?? You hear he's courageous and formidable but is he smart enough to use that for good? You assume the answer to that is a no, considering the state of things here in Oz...

Below you the Scarecrow sighs, and flicks your hand onto your lap; finished. "I hope that's the last slice I stitch up for you this week. Learn to stop reaching for that tin for brains love struck puppy, Y/N. Lose enough blood from those knives he has for fingers these days, and you won't be so easy to fix." As he talks he gets up and shows his back to you, heading to flip through some of his current research (whatever horrible frankensteinian mockery of science his head has been full of recently. You shudder to think what it could be. You noticed syringes lying about... and you'd rather not ask.). Only talking to you absent-mindedly.

... he, of all Oz's people, knows its not that easy. You're in love with the Tin Man, and you'll never stop trying to help him. Ideally you'd make him see that Dorothy just hurts him... but you had to stop, that. It just broke your heart, watching him be so blind. So instead you'll help him up when he falls, you'll carry a can of heavy oil that hurts your hands all day just in case he needs it, you'll repeat his orders to his armies until tour voice goes hoarse-- and as his second in command, you have plenty of oppertunity to do all of this, hence why you're here being attended to by the Scarecrow so often. You don't have a choice in any of it though; you're in love. You suffer through it all, for love.

Even if that love is just a heavy ache in your chest that gets worse whenever you see him with her. You hate her so much; Dorothy. She ruined this land, and she ruined Tin.

And you hate that the Scarecrow always acts like you can just turn all this off. Like you're doing this to yourself on purpose. (Why would you do that??)

Instead of having that fight with him (again) though, you huff and hop off the bench. "Thank you for the stitches- I'm going back to work."

"Mhm, yeah, have fun with that."

With an eye roll, holding your wrist and rolling a thumb over the tight and precise, surgical stitches, you turn to leave the dank rooms that Scarecrow calls his. They're less like bed chambers and more like a basement laboratory, and you rather to spend as little time as possible here.

But before you can get too far, you're surprised to be grabbed by rough feeling gloves and drawn backwards. "Gah!- "

The Scarecrows fingers dig into an older wound, from earlier in the week, but he doesn't seem to care. "Wait a minute."

Didn't he turn away from you?? "No, I'm busy. I have work to do." You snap stubbornly, trying to slip your arm away from him but the Scarecrow is misleadingly strong.

"Don't care. Anyway- " He's tall, though not as tall as the Tin Man and certainly not as tall as he was strung up in the corn fields, but you still have to bend your neck back to see his disconcerting, still face. "Let me give you some advice- after all, I am the smartest being in all of Oz." He's serious, but there's always a twinge of smug pride when he works that into a conversation.

Sighing, you stop fighting him and stand still. Your blood is seeping out from the stitches he sewed into your skin earlier in the week and into his own 'skin', the fabric keeping his stuffings on the inside, but you just Stop. And listen. The sooner he gets done talking, gets finished making whatever point he was set on, the sooner that you can go clean yourself up. "... what?"

"Forget old Tin."

Immediately your jaw drops. "What are you talking about???"

"It's never going to happen with that old watering can. It's illogical for you to harbour feelings for him."

"I know it's not logical, but- "

The Scarecrow is uninterested in your 'but' evidently, because he cuts you off pointedly and goes on. "You need to set your sights on someone more attainable for you." He speaks carefully ans sternly, as if speaking to a very dumb child. "Y/N, you're a very... appealing, young lady. I have the utmost faith that you can find someone willing to have you."

... you do not like the sound of the Scarecrow complimenting you. He sounds sinister; you feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up. "-Um, yes, well-- I'll keep that in mind. Thank you- "

He sighs, and you get the feeling by the irritated tone in his voice that if he could- he'd roll his eyes at you. "You're dimmer then a box of broken bulbs." At that you open your mouth immediately in outrage to curse at him- but he raises a cloth finger and silences you before you've even said anything nasty. "What I'm saying, is- maybe you should be setting your sights on someone who sees you. Sees you, and recognises the wonderful fascinating creature that you are. The Woodman, charming as he may be," Something in Scare's tone suggests that he himself doesn't see it, that he rather thinks that Tin is a ridiculous fool, but he's acknowledging Tin's charms for your sake anyway. "... doesn't notice. Will never, notice."

-and there's the Scarecrow's blunt honesty again that you dont particularly like. Your heart plummets, though you know its only the truth."... that sounds good and simple, Scarecrow, but... " Finally, you slip your arm away from him. "I don't know anyone who thinks that of me." You shrug, then walk off again.

...

...

...

Just as you're reaching for the door, you're grabbed and thrust against the nearest smoke damaged wall. The Scarecrow's canvas, stitched face rears in close to yours- the yellow straw hair that sticks out from under his hat almost scratching your forehead. He sighs deeply, feigning a controlled exterior when you can feel how frustrated and angry he is in how tight he has you pinned to the wall. "... me, Y/N. I'm talking about me.

"... Now listen. You're going to forget about dumb old Woody, and focus on me for a change. Do you comprehend that??"

[sprites4ever]

Why 9/11 was cleary not an Inside Job

To understand why it is not only wrong but also extremely dangerous to think that 9/11 was an inside job, one only needs to look at the last century of geopolitics.

Over the last century, every political power that has any issue with the United States of America has blamed everything bad happening in the world on the USA.

And whenever something bad happened to the USA, due to their anti-Americanism, they have said that the USA only has itself to blame.

This is why the idea that 9/11 was an inside job exists.

It was not invented by American conspiracy theorists, but by anti-American propagandists who designed and disseminated this narrative until American conspiracy theorists picked up on it.

They also used the fact that the wars, which George W. Bush started, using 9/11 as a pretext, ended disastrously for the USA, against them, by exploiting the extreme unpopularity of George W. Bush. Very quickly after the USA's invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, these wars became so costly that those responsible became extremely unpopular with the American populace. So, of course, the idea, that the event which served as the casus belli to these wars was engineered by those same people responsible for those wars, became a comfortable thing for Americans to think. This way, it was easier for the anti-American designers of said narrative to disseminate it amongst Americans.

I personally believe that Bush and his adminisration did not engineer 9/11.

No, the Twin Towers did not require explosive charges, in order to collapse symmetrically, as they were an incredibly cheap construction by Trump Co. (yes, THAT Trump), who themselves had hired the New York mob for it.

If you know the way American mobsters run their business, you know that they often use construction companies as fronts. (Hence concrete feet being a popular method of execution among American mobsters, as they have a lot of concrete.) You will also know that, while they run construction companies, they cheap out everywhere they can and in the Twin Towers' case, it was that they cheaped out on the rebar. The Twin Towers had hardly any support structure, so when the top section was blown off by the fuel explosion of the airplane, the rest of the structure quite simply collapsed under the weight of the falling top section, losing its structural integrity and collapsing in on itself before the top section even reached the ground.

However, I do believe that Bush was aware of these plans by Al-Quaeda.

9/11 served as the perfect pretext for Bush to invade Iraq and Afghanistan and steal their oil, and also increase military production at the same time. If you know what kind of politician Bush was, you know that he was the type of Republican who uses large industries (such as petrol and arms) to bag a lot of their profits.

So, he let it happen. While thousands died that day, the amount of people present in the Twin Towers was far lower than usual. So, I believe that Bush got the CIA to do a bunch of fake calls to the grand majority of the staff members of the companies that worked in the Twin Towers, in order to announce renovations or some other reason as to why they couldn't come to work that day.

Especially, if you see the video of Bush receiving the news of the attack (he was on TV at the time, reading books to children), you'll see that Bush's expression, when a staff member runs in to whisper in his ear, is not one of shock, but one of guilty acknowledgement. Like he's thinking "Well, there it is. And I am to blame."

Still though, his greed apparently exceeded his empathy, as he would not have let it happen otherwise.

[dearweirdme]

I have a weird theory. So it's no surprise that in their early years, bts were kinda "rude" to each other. In a sense that they'll joke negatively without knowing that it could hurt the other's feeling. Or even cringing when one would initiate skinship or anything similar and they were kind of practicing the no-homo agenda.

And we also know that they grew out of it. They practice self love as well as loving the people around. Resulting to them loving each other the most. They rely on each other and of course we don't see 90% of what is happening behind closed doors but it's clear that they talk things out. Hence the reason why they lasted so much as a group. That's how I see it.

Now my theory is that aside from taekook relationship, we've got jimin as the second most closest to Jungkook. And we see them being each other pillar, supporting each other and being affectionate but in a brotherly way. Is it because in the past we could clearly see jungkook (maybe unaware) being kind of mean to jimin? Like pushing him or not caring too much. He is certainly not the only one who was like that at their debut.

All of this to say that while practicing to love each other, they undoubtedly worked on members who weren't the fairest with each other and this is how as time passed jikook became one of the closest?

Hi anon!

I think many forget that Jk, Tae, and Jm were still soooo young when they met. Especcially Jk.. I mean, he was away from his family from his early teens.. he was put amongst this group of Hyungs, who were also all still very young. They were all going through various degrees of moving into adulthood while also being placed in an extreme situation of becoming idols.

Jk was a teenager.. and for all his shyness, and introvercy, and humbleness, and empathy.. he was also just a brat at times. Which isn't something weird or unexpected at all at that age. Imagine any 16, 17, 18 yr old you know.. and I'm sure anyone of us can imagine that Jk reacting to someone a bit older to him with a certain fierceness is pretty normal.

So some of my random thoughts in regards to your ask... and excuse me when I go a bit ranty here.

I think BTS are all skinshippy in some ways. Yoongi and Namjoon the least, Jin also has boundaries.. Hobi, Tae, Jk and Jm all definitely enjoy it (though I think Hobi also has some natural limits here). Skinship between men and boys is something normal in SK. It's not something they would have had to get used to, it's more that they had to discover what each other's preferences were when it comes to being physically close.

I don't think Jk ever felt negatively towrds Jm. Their friendship had to grow ofcourse, just like their friendships with all members had to grow, but the I don't think they had to work towards loving each other by intentional conversations. I think it was just naturally, by going through things together, by experiencing life, by enjoying the same things. Jk doesn't like being babied much in general (though sure he has his baby moments), but I think he did find it hard that Jm layed out the Hyung card at times. From how I see it, out of the three Maknaes, Jm is the one who feels/felt most strongly about being respectfull of age. I feel he is the true Hyung out of Vminkook when they are together. Always the most 'sane' reasonable one, trying to get them them in order. Tae and Jk actually are the 'two always getting scolded together'. So from how I interpret Jk and Jm, is that Jk just at times 'overstepped' in how he was supposed to be respectfull towards his hyungs (which is what the rainy days fight was basically about). And I think he was just annoyed at being put in a certain position. Very teenage like, very understandable. From Jm's side, he is Jk's Hyung. He saw a cute little brother, whom he wanted to help and be close with.. but who he also felt was out of line at times. To me it actually makes so much sense how Tae and Jm were the ones fighting the most. Being same age, they could do that without overstepping much. Both Tae and Jm have no problem standing for what they feel is right.

I don't feel Jm and Jk particulairly had to work on becoming close. I think they were always on the path to closeness.

And yes, they have all gone through working out how to deal with each other. I think at this point all members are at a place in which they feel more like equals.. they just know and understand each other so much, that they don't have to question each other's intentions and actions.. because they know that the mutual respect is there.. even if one of them says something that could potentially be considered rude.

This feels like it's all over the place. I have soo many thoughts... and the adhd is high today.

[visiblenostalgia]

The Future Of The Internet: Data Sets

(and dominant sign+planet calculations)

as fated by my last post, I’ve since ran the numbers and figured out what planets/signs to look for in regards to the future of the digital space.

FYI:

-> All shortened key points will be shown in the graphs alternative description.

The Process:

(personally, not professionally) calculated planets all have been started with a base value of '1.5' to give leverage so there wouldn't be any wonky zero's and non-values for extra measure. These will be dependent variables based on if there was a case of exaltation or dominance which adds a point, and if they were in fall or detriment to dock them a point. That way, the minimal value that can be traced was a '0.5' at the lowest. The highest (because of adding another point based on how many times a sign got ticked, therefore the ruling planet gets emphasis), can result in a '5.5'.

However, what can be said for the signs, is that all have a base value of '1'. signs have been added points based on how many planets have touched it and which degree they were applicable too (therefore giving them an extra point based on degree theory). These would be our independent variables. Because of the fact it's all based on how many times this sign was marked in the ephemeris at the time of data collection.

Without further ado..... more after the cut

The Content:

Date 1: The Internet

April 30th 1993

In terms of planets:

Because of how new it was back then and due to the fact that it was an open ticket to letting the creativity of the people manifest quickly, small businesses and people alike would begin to put their external or internal personality out there. Hence the Sun and Moon being the two most dominant objects within the chart.

It makes sense because of the rapid non-retrograde cycles for the two Luminaries to rule over the internet. Those change day by day and seeing at how we do things around here in the digital space, you can see where things change without a second thought.

One day it's the Kendrick n' Drake drama. Hitting you in the feels and getting you hyped up for the next drop. The next day it would have been.... god knows what else.

For it to cast lunar dominance also makes sense because of the strong pull to cast out emotionally-pulling articles/topics. Protests have been emotional, songs and influencers have this emotional spin on them, there's nothing stopping someone from expressing their issues on the internet. Hence why there's a bigger influence of people who have had it rough IRL on there. People flock to a place where they can be real.

Sadly though, since empathy also occurs within people, sometimes there's a propensity to worry about someone you don't know about irl. Be wise you never know if it's emotional bait either.

That can align well with lunar dominance as an Achilles heel for it. Manipulation and baiting.

Solar dominance would also and more likely be aligned with influencers. Check out any youtube's chart and look to their sun for a basic run-down on how their internet influence looks. Heck, if you're thinking about your hypothetical brand, what's your sun sign? Look for that!

The achilles heel for the solar dominance? Power. More preferably: Absolute power. You'll see THAT with some political figures or influencers. Dogma. Lots of ego. Not knowing when to slow down.

In terms of zodiacal sign:

Leo, Sagittarius and Capricorn take top spot.

The Leo energy can apply to the solar dominance stuff as stated above. But it's also inclined to rule over beauty standards and lots of glitz and glam. Enhancing the need to be 'popular' online.

Sagittarius would make sense due to the nature of the internet being what I like to call "man's greatest philosophical experiment". Not to mention the fact that libraries do give sagittarius energy as a whole. Internet Archive being a perfect case.

Capricorn as the final taker would have to stand a good case for being a business oriented place. Meant to be a second-hand referral place to a business. Paper-free business cards anyone?

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

For Lunar dominance = I don't know why but, being at your relative's/friend's house during Christmas, working on a website at their place while drinking a hot cocoa in the evening with that soft vintage glow of the ceiling fan. It's a second home for your internal self. Your *Alter* ego.

Solar = Pinterest. Lots and lots and lots of 'art hoe' vibes. Yellow colors and sunflowers. The sunflower caseify case for an iPhone. Sunflower stickers for your Macintosh/PC/Laptop (whatever you use).

Leo = wholesome beauty influencers. And I MEAAN wholesome. They bring everyone up legitimately instead of bringing someone down using subversive tactics to make someone think they look ugly. It's the kind to be all about 'good vibes' and even adding in sentences like 'if_____ isn't for you, that's okay! here's some alternatives.' and they go off.

AND LASTLY for our great giant ruling signs, lots of friendship energy. Getting together to have fun. Christmas break energy once again. The internet is a refuge. A vacation from real life whilst also being a place to work and get stuff done. Made for higher learning and business.

In fact on that last point I made. If the little ones weren't on it, I'm pretty sure the respect people have for one another like they did back in the 90s would still exist. (part of the Post-Break energy I see)

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Lunar = Propensity to the manipulation and baiting people go looking for or creating online. Mental illnesses. Too much awareness that leaves people thinking too much, therefore poor mental health.

Solar/Leo = Popularity/Clout, unchecked ego

Sagittarius/Capricorn = Ghosting energy. Unchecked power. Hard serves of karma. Hacking. Communicative issues (Sag opposes Gemini (debilitated mercury))

Date 2: Geocities + Yahoo

January 28th 1999

In terms of planets:

The moon seems to still have a hold when the geocities website was acquired by yahoo. So, same good and bad from the above statements on the internet itself.

Jupiter dominance seems to show more of a propensity to expand ones horizons mentally. It sort of aligns well with the past energies of Sagittarius (due to the ruling planet BEING Jupiter). So, because of that, websites and internet hubs that were formally in the grid of being on their own network, hence "geocities", then the acquirement via Yahoo is quite literally a Jupiterian move. Choosing to merge and expand horizons for online dwellers.

In terms of zodiac signs:

Aquarius takes the top spot. Very much adding onto the effect of how humanity can turn their own piece of the internet into a hub for their own niche group. Must this point be the start of forums? Most likely.

Taurus sets itself up to be the next dominant sign right after Aquarius. Which, for Yahoo at the time, this was a big financial win for them. A good move to boost revenue while the people gained a positive aspect to be seen by more people online. Increasing availability and access to the people.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

Because we look back on that now with nostalgia, it brought up the influence of Fruitger Aero. Or at least was the catalyst of it back then. Aquarius' ruling color IS an ice blue while Taurus has the earthy green tones that add to the welcoming energy of this proto-2.0 internet.

Gen Z and Xennials happy place. Lowkey was more fun back then cause of it, right?

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Aquarius does have some bits of edgy humor. Many sites that were dedicated to some people's internal lives were sorta... gothic and sometimes even a little uncanny to be fair. But that was the allure of the internet since we had respect for people's aesthetic decisions. Everyone's ma'am's and grams wanted in on it. And you ended up going in too cause you were curious.

It was sort of like how the boomers said 'the kids played in the 100 degree weather with a metal slide. but they grew up and did okay' kind of energy.

For older Gen Z's (20 & over btw (basically myself as well)) it might go a little something like this; 'we went on supposedly haunted websites, played grand theft auto on the '360 and played slenderman games as well as found adult party websites cause we thought we were cool for doing so. it was funny and sometimes still is today, but we grew up alright. Right? Some of us have gone off to college...." you can include the rest here. Go nuts as you wish.

Date 3: Neocities

June 28th 2013

In terms of planets:

Lunar dominance still has some sway. Same for Jupiter in close third. Take what's been said above about the conjoining and accessibility of Geocities and Yahoo as reference.

The biggest dog by far here has got to be Neptune. Because of the fact that at the time of this website coding hub's creation also coincided with the first ten degrees of the Neptune in Pisces transit, there's a lot of illusive and mysteriousness to the vibes of the Neo-y2k internet. Alt/indie-sites were much on the chagrin of the looks of proto-2.0, but have also been inclined to be inclusive and welcoming to all those that wish to be here. Increased sensitivity and overbearing energy. A 'don't hurt them they're small' energy.

In terms of signs:

Cancer and Pisces dominance.

Notice how this place doesn't subject you to push for anything other than a hub to kick back and relax in. Scour through the psyche of many people and learn what they're into. Not to mention this also acts as a place where people can ignite their 'alter-ego's once again.

There's no need to be a business here. This is all for hobbies and nigh else. Sometimes it can also work as a family blog. And that makes sense. It brings people together to show what kind of coding they can pull off.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

Lunar/Jupiter/Cancer= A second place to call home returns. The Alter Ego can return. Respect comes back full front and center. The vibes of being around the Christmas tree or with the universal/generational/found family come back.

Neptune/Pisces = you can create... whatever your heart desires. Because the internet has expanded so rapidly over the years after the merger between yahoo and the former geocities, there's so many textures and designs out there for people to use and conceptualize. Truly a place to get creative without scrutiny.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Cancer/Pisces/Moon/Neptune= Due to the way that the world works now, it's tough to get into. It's not like Wix and with people tending to now procrastinate (because of the technology addictions we've been getting ourselves into), it's rather small and niche. Nothing is ever handed to you on a plate, and it shows in some of the sites that people take forever to master/decorate it due to how much their own personal life outside of their tech takes up.

Jupiter = ..... I will say this much about it.... I find no negativity here with this planet when it concerns the iffy vibes I get with Neocities. It's just the struggle of finding your feet here.

For the future of the internet:

Points to check:

Anything aspecting Neptune or wherever Neptune transits to. Online culture and pop culture follows

Jupiter for how information and higher thought processes are taken into account

The Moon for the drama and what/how people will be beefing about in the online space

My predictions (shortened):

BREAK (which seems more likely with all the rage being sent everywhere online and especially within comment sections in certain places):

Smaller sized networks. More individualistic networks. Like Neocities, Tumblr and Discord will gradually be flocked to.

Great decrease in social media by some generations. (If parents don't watch their time on social media, the kids won't either. be a good model is all I can say)

Greater emphasis on learning how to use the tools we're given (at least with the upcoming Jupiter in Gemini transit)

If there are kids online (17 and under, yes I'm calling that out), they're gonna be talked to about the dangers in being online. Communication on the digital space. Confidentiality being the big main issue. Figuring out what's real and what isn't. Separating yourself FROM the addiction before the brain fully develops.

If political content reigns somewhere, may it be 4chan forever and always. Reddit seems like an easy blame, but 4chan is most definitely the place for political slander and content.

Big names like X, Meta, Wix and Youtube for example are gonna be the center network. People will still do their content through there, but it's greater emphasis on business suggests children shouldn't be roaming there in the first place.

Your best case of kids on the internet would be on Edmodo. If you don't know what that is, look it up. I used to use it back in the day during my days in elementary school because they were experimenting with that sorta thing.

As always, take what resonates and I hope y'all's weekends go well.

Thank you for your time in reading the statistics and the ratings. I hope I made my mark well!

See you on the flip side!

~visiblenostalgia

[det2x-fanfic-dump]

OBEY ME/ TWST MC HEADCANON

My Twisted Wonderland Yuu-sona and Obey me Yuki-sona for my fanfic

Basically my OC of my own Yuu-sona or Yuki-sona for these two games. Mostly based on Obey Me Lore since I thought...hey...they both started with "Yu" so why not...and im kinda lazy to do OCs since they're basically the same imo.

Name: Yuki Hitsuji 

Obey Me’s default MC name [Yuki] is used instead of Yuu is because they both began with “Yu”. So it can be Yuki or Yuuki.  Hitsuji is used as her last name because I like to have words like what Twisted Wonderland’s characters are named. Hitsuji is Sheep in Japanese and since Obey Me MC is a sheep…yeah

Alternative Name that I thought of in the middle of writing my long series crossover: Yuuki Lambert (Reason: Lamb-ert hehe)

Age: 15 years old

Pronoun: She/her/them

Physical Description:

Hair:  Long slightly curly black hair

Eyes: Dark blue eyes with purple gradient

Height:  5 feet or 1.52 Meters

Accessories:

Often wears a cat bell tied in her ribbons ;

Will often wear a magical black ribbon during her time in the Devildom. This ribbon often changed color depending on which demon brother she's near with. It will turn to black if they’re a lot.

Has a sheep horn headband in the Devildom but forgot when she got isekai'd to Twisted Wonderland.

Personality:

Playful

[She likes to tease others and jokes around. She’s a sorta go-to-the-flow person if there was no conflicts or problems in the situation.]

Adaptability

[Arriving in the Devildom and the brothers often taking her to unimaginable places makes her open to accept any unexpected situations and events.  Hence, her arriving in the magical world of Twisted Wonderland didn’t bother her that much except for wanting to go back home at first.]

Empathetic

[She always likes to help and understand feelings of those who she encountered and interacted with. However, she doesn’t want others’ to worry when it comes to problems regarding her so she often kept it to herself]

Reckless and Nosy 

[Because of her empathy, she has this sense of obligation of finding out the truth in order to figure out someone’s worries. She would be nosy enough to check on things she has nothing to do with in order.]

Inspiration: MC in both fandoms are pretty much involved in the plot, either having a role or just a spectator during overblots

Tactical Thinker

[Yuki had developed herself into having a tactical mind for survival during her first few days living in House of Lamentation and the Devildom.]

Reason: I imagine living in hell is a nightmare no matter how attractive the characters are. It’s still hell. So even tho, it's stated that MC is very adaptable...I imagine her first days in the Devildom and has to quickly think ahead to survive.

Has trouble at lying (Based in Obey me wiki)

[Yuki had a pet peeve of avoiding eye contact with the person she’s lying to and blinking continuously whenever she told a lie. She would often speak before she thought hence she would jumble her words in an attempt to hide her secret.]

Inspiration: Luci said so somewhere in the game so why not.

Oblivious to Romantic Feelings

[Yuki has too much on her plate to think of Romance. She often gives the benefit of a doubt to everything unless someone straight out say it to her face their feelings for her.]

Inspiration: It’s an MC and Author is indecisive and loves/likes every character. both TWST and Obey Me are not an otome game with specific  romantic routes so what’s the point of having a specific ship. 

Affiliation in Devildom/ Royal Academy of Diavolo:

Student Council Prefect (Where she has to enforce discipline to the Student Council)

Attendant and Babysitter in House Lamentation (Yuki had to go to House of Lamentation to check on the brothers and basically serve under their needs)

Solomon’s Sorcerer Apprentice (Yuki had special lessons from Solomon about using Magic and other sorcery things)

Affiliation in Night Raven:

Ramshackle Dormitory’s Official Prefect (Prologue)

An Unofficial member of the Heartslabyul Dorm (where she is obliged to attend to the unbirthday parties at the end of  Heartslabyul Arc)

Savanaclaw’s Voluntary Assistant (where she volunteers to take Ruggie’s errand boy job in exchange for Savanaclaw members to help her in her contract with Azul)

Voluntary Maid Waitress in Mostro Lounge (Where she has to ork at Mostro Lounge to pay the damages she committed during Azul’s Overblot)

(Tba cuz idk yet, fanfic's not done)

Powers and Skills: 

1. Forming Pacts and Contracts:

[Yuki developed a knowledge of formings pacts because of her exposure in making pacts with the seven demons in her time in the Devildom.

Yuki and Azul might make bond over this similarity but unlike Azul, who is an expert to contracts in paper form, Yuki used verbal contracts and use of blood if necessary. ]

Summoning Creatures

[Because of her pacts, she can summon the demon she makes a pact with the use of a magical item or blood.]

Elemental Magic, Curses, etc.

[She learned this while studying in RAD and Solomon’s tutelage.]

Whatever Lilith’s power is supposed to be

[Reason: She’s a descendant of a supernatural being so she probably have them in her blood.]

Additional Skills Acquired under Solomon’s Teaching:

[ I added this section because I think Solomon influences Obey Me! MC a lot. Being the other human exchange student in a world that's filled with supernaturals, I HC'ed that MC seeks human comfort in Solomon even though he's not human anymore cuz immortality lol]

Potion Making and Culinary Arts

[Yuki had developed a knack of Potion-making because of Solomon’s guidance and exposure. She had also developed her culinary skills because of her months of living with Solomon under the same roof. 

Flying with Brooms

[Yuki is pretty decent at using a broom for flying. Solomon taught her for a week after a random discussion about magic transportation however she prefers using teleportation magic or items instead]

[thelaughtercafe]

Muted Memories

Tea Type: Milk Tea

Potential Triggers: A lot with this one! Violence/Threats of violence, nonspecific mention of thoughts of suicide, abuse(verbal and emotional for one physical for the other two), negative thought patterns, running from your problems for fear of burdening others, and I think that’s it! Also anime and game spoilers; this takes place post-game! Really it’s just the first few paragraphs thought so skip to where the second person starts if you plan on playing/ watching it!

Please gently let me know if I forgot any/you want any added!

Pairing: Issac Foster/F! Reader

Length: 5.7k+

Summary: Zack and Rachel return to one of the few places he felt safe once upon a time in order to hide out. Imagine his surprise when he finds someone else in need of protection, and may even grow to allow himself that long forgotten solace once again.

A/N: So this fic is very personal to me and I use it to cope with my own trauma, hence the subject matter. I hope it offers solace for even one other person; please do let me know your thoughts if you enjoy it!

“Well, if that’s what ya want- stop crying and smile.”

Zack’s words were the same as always, crude with a deranged undertone so distinctly him it made Rachel’s eyes tear anew as a grin broke across her lips.

The most genuine smile she’d had since she’d last been with him.

“That’s more like it!”

A note of exhilaration has filled Zack’s voice and he swung, his scythe hitting its mark.

…

…..

……….

Rachel opened her eyes from when she’s instinctively closed them to find her hair now short. She could only blink in bewildered confusion.

Zack merely grinned and held out his hand to her expectantly. There were cops swarming the place. There wasn’t much time he knew but she needed to know.

“Rachel Gardner is dead. We belong to each other now, Ray.”

Ray hiccupped and only then realized she was sobbing as she took his hand. It’d taken forever but finally.

Finally.

She owned someone and they owned her in return.

—–

Elsewhere, a girl tends to a long dead man’s home. It had once been hers too, more than her own. Pain stabs her heart whenever she returns and yet how can she not? He’d once mentioned a boy he’d saved before he died, one he wanted to help heal. He’d asked for her help. Yet now, here she stays alone, keeping his memory alive as best she can, in hopes one day the boy might return so she can fulfill the promise the man cannot as well as her own.

—–

It was a quiet day at the Takamata residence, not that such a thing was unusual. With no-one to tend to it now that the kind man was gone you had taken over it’s care and even began living there yourself.

You’d thought your tears had dried after a week but when they sorted out his will and found out you’d been left his home…let’s just say they returned with a vengeance.

You’d never had an easy childhood, a neglectful biological father quickly followed by an abusive stepfather made you shy and self-deprecating. Your empathy remained as you cared for your sickly mother and you found a passion for helping others. You often juggled their problems and shoved your own down deep. Better to help everyone else. It was all you were good for.

When Mr. Takamata found you, bleeding and scared as you sobbed on the road home he’d comforted you and welcomed you in his home, even helped to bandage you. You’d been so desperate for a moment of freedom from the venomous words constantly hurled at you that you’d just…ran. You kept running despite the scratches and falls you took. He was blind but he was good with his hands and he listened.

It was the first time you’d ever opened up and had someone be empathetic to you instead of the opposite.

He didn’t like that you promised him to never tell your sickly mother but like Hell were you going to be responsible if the stress worsened her condition.  Deep down you felt you had earned your stepfather’s ire anyway. If you just did everything perfectly then he wouldn’t have a reason to hate you so vehemently.

Reluctantly, Mr. Takamata kept his promise but on the condition you’d always come to him and have a place with him should you want it. Your weekends were spent with him and when you began middle school so did your afternoons. He showed up to your middle school graduation, hugged you in a way that made you feel sheltered and safe like you never had.

A week later he was found murdered. Butchered by drunks.

You were alone again; yet he still had the foresight to leave you a place to go to. To hide.

So you did.

At first it was weekly visits and then daily…and eventually you ran away completely; opting to only return to your original home on the weekends to tend to your mother and bear the unbearable in silence as you always did.

Here you now stood. Mother now dead, barely attending college for Nursing between your job to pay for food, and all your essentials. Every now and then you could afford the next book in a series you liked but even cable was out of the question.

You passed your time by keeping the place in pristine condition, focusing on your studies(thank God rented laptops were a part of your tuition) and reading or re-reading the books you had. The library was always a safe haven to engage in; letting you read all you liked of the books there until they closed so you often found yourself there on the weekends.

A glance at the clock had your eyes widening in surprise.

“Shit!”

You were going to be late! You grabbed your bookbag after shoving your laptop inside and were out the door in a rush of fabric.

You could definitely make the bus if you ran! You had to!

—–

Zack let out a relieved sigh as he spotted the familiar looking house. Looks like he hasn’t forgotten where it was after all.

“Isn’t this wrong? Using a dead man’s home without permission?”

Zack jiggled the lock and snorted as he began fiddling with it, using his newly bought knife to do so.

“What? You wanna call him back from the dead and ask him? No-ones in here anyway. It’s in the middle of nowhere. Perfect for us to lie low and wait till the cops forget we exist-hell yeah!”

He cheered with a grin as he managed to get the lock open, pumping his fist in the air.

He entered without care and turned with a vaguely confused frown to Ray.

“Well? You wanna freeze out there be my guest, but I’m taking my chances here.”

He threw himself onto the couch as the blond girl hesitantly entered and closed the door gently behind her.

This place reminded her of her old home. It was indeed warmer in the literal sense but also figuratively too.

This place felt…lived in.

She didn’t want to bother him when he looked so tired but…

“Zack?”

She called out as she looked around nervously.

“What?”

Annoyance laced his voice as he peeked one eye open.

“I don’t think no-one lives here. Why else would the heat be on and…”

She opened the fridge, where some clearly recently bought food waited.

“The fridge stocked? Maybe we should go.”

Zack’s eyes lit up at the sight of food and he moved to stand and headed over, greedily snatching a cold bottle of water-make that two- before returning to the couch.

“Yeah and? If anyone does live here I’ll just slice ‘em up when they come home. You worry too much Ray. Get some shuteye will ya?”

He turned his back to her and she couldn’t help but wonder as her eyes flicked to the door from where she’d been observing a photo of a girl and an old man.

“Yeah…okay. Sleep well, Zack.”

She joined him in sleep reluctantly as she made herself comfortable on the bed in the adjoining room, falling asleep to the distinctive smell of vanilla.

—–

You sighed tiredly as you got home after a long day of school. You’d missed the bus of course, which meant you had to run all the way to campus. You weren’t exactly the pinnacle of fitness so you were a sweaty, panting mess as you stumbled through the door 15 minutes late. Your teacher had glared at you something fierce but luckily she hasn’t commented as you rushed to pull yourself together and get ready to learn.

You were in your last semester of general education courses now, figuring you’d get them out of the way so your last two years could be full of nothing but Nursing.

In any case, you were exhausted.

You closed the door behind you and yawned as you stretched. You moved to turn on the lights but froze suddenly at the feeling of being watched as the back of your neck prickled. Reacting on instinct you twirled away and thanks to doing so barely dodged a thrown knife at your head.

You stared in complete shock for a moment and then you lunged for it and the lights as brightness flooded the room.

Your attacker was interesting looking that’s for sure; bandages adorning every inch of skin you could see and two different colors glaring at you. You’d gotten the knife, but what the Hell were you going to do with it? Your bands trembled and suddenly, as he noticed it himself, the man grinned.

“Heh. Well ain’t that cute. Never used a knife, have you sweetheart?”

Fuck. He was perceptive.

Still you frowned and tried to think why he looked vaguely…familiar as you backed away and he casually walked forward. His appearance was so distinctive; it’s not likely something you’d have forgotten seeing.

Your eyes glanced over to your bedroom doorway and he took the opening, lunging for you and making you squeal as you grappled for the knife.

“H-Hey! Stop it I don’t want to hurt you!!“

Your voice held an edge of panic and just as he’d cornered you against the kitchen counter, knife raised to strike with a grin you cried out as you shielded your face with your arms.

"You’re Issac right!?”

…

….

…..

When nothing happened for several moments you hesitantly peeked open your eyes and found yourself even more scared as he leaned over you to stare into your eyes. His tone dripped with looming threats you knew were promises if you didn’t answer.

“How the fuck do you know who I am kid?

Kid?

You let that slide and held his gaze before you bit your lip nervously.

His eyes flashed and he seemed to take it as you not wanting to tell him as he roughly grabbed your wrist and forced you to the ground, straddling your waist to leave you even more vulnerable as he held the knife to your captive hand threateningly.

"Either you start talking or I start chopping and I’m not the patient type lady…so pick fast.”

He smiled sweetly as he traced the blade up and down over your index finger, feather light and you started to ramble.

“I-M-Mr. Takamata. He mentioned a boy, with bandages he’d found when I was a little girl. Nearly a decade ago now. He told me he wanted us to be friends that I should try and help-”

You were cut off as he threw his head back and laughed; caustic and loud as the knife abruptly moved to your neck.

“Oh that is just rich. Another victim trying to use my past as ammo.”

His smile turned to a dead eyed hatred as he leaned down to hiss in your ear.

“Nice try sweetheart. ‘Fraid you’re not the first. 'Least you confirmed where you got your info. Just bad luck you got this house. Well. Nighty ni-huh?”

His expression of gleeful sadism faded as Ray quietly spoke his name and held a familiar picture in front of his face.

“That’s-”

He looked between the picture and you a moment and then, as if stricken, hopped off of you and then was out the door.

Despite the irrationality of it all, worry flooded you and you jumped up to go after him; calling out.

“Wait!”

“It’s okay.”

The dull eyed girl smiled understandingly at you as she held you back gently by your jacket.

“Zack tends to do that when he’s overwhelmed. He’ll be back later.”

Something in you urged you to trust her so you nodded and merely closed the door.

Nothing for it but to wait, then.

Was waiting for a man who’d just tried to kill you and threatened to cut your fingers off entirely sane? Probably not, no. But you had a feeling these two weren’t either so…who were they to judge?

This was all the closest thing to a father had ever wanted from you.

Like Hell would you let him down, or abandon someone in need.

—–

“So…um…”

Rachel, as she’s stoically introduced herself, turned to look at you.

“Not that I’m not glad he’s back safe and all but…why are you two here?”

The only show of her surprise was the slight widening of her eyes.

“You really don’t know? Don’t you have a TV?”

You shook your head.

“No. Don’t have the money for one as a broke college student. The few books I can afford are fantasy and supernatural based.”

“Oh. Well…Zack and I are fugitives. They think he killed me.”

You raised an eyebrow at that wordlessly saying “clearly, he didn’t”.

“Oh and…don’t call me Rachel. Old habit. My name is Ray, now.”

You flinched at Zack’s loud entrance as he slammed the door open right after she finished speaking before snarling at you. The brief shock you’d seen in his face was gone as fast as it had appeared.

“The Hell are you still doing here?! Why didn’t you scram? You got a death wish or something?”

You shook your head, still trembling but smiling at him nonetheless. His eyes caught it though and he laughed, the sound acidic.

“Look at you, trying to act all brave. You can admit you’re scared you know. I can already tell~”

He seemed gleeful at this fact but you shook your head as your eyes gained a note of defiance.

“It’s not you.”

Despite the quiet tone you spoke them in, Zack read your lips and gripped your shoulders suddenly appearing…almost possessive in his rage.

“Then who the Hell is it? Someone’s got you more scared than me?”

You blinked at that but nodded.

“You’re…well. A momentary fear compares to one systematically ingrained in me over the years. Of course I’d be more scared of him than you.”

His group tightened for a moment, frown deepening when you realized something. The look in his eyes wasn’t anger- it was frustration.

He was confused.

"I mean- when you’re raised by an abusive dick, of course I’d fear him more than you.  Besides Mr. Takamata he…”

You searched your memory for his exact words.

“He said he’d never seen a kid so in need of care and support. He thought we’d both be able to help each other heal.”

Zack looked vaguely nauseous, and let you go as if burned.

“Gross…”

His murmur sounded half-hearted to you but Ray spoke up from beside you, making you flinch a little. You’d nearly forgotten she was there.

“Zack…maybe we don’t have to kill her. It sounds like she won’t turn us in.”

Zack scoffed at that, returning to his typical coldness as he rolled his eyes.

“She’s still a liar. Just cause she knew someone from my past doesn’t mean shit; I should gut her right here for that alone..”

“She didn’t even know we were fugitives till I told her. She doesn’t even have a TV.”

Zack reluctantly paused at that and turned to you with a grunt, eyes narrowed distrustfully.

“Phone?”

You smirked bitterly at that.

“No. I work a minimum wage job and all the savings I have goes to tuition to get me through college. I’m in school for Nursing.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic for you. I don’t care. I’m goin’ to bed. Do what you want. Ray, you get the couch this time. Scream if the bitch tries anything.”

With that he sulked into your bedroom and presumably went to sleep.

Unlike Zack, she was looking at you intently, curiosity shining in her blue eyes that bordered on excitement.

“Nursing? Isn’t that when you fix people?”

You nodded, smiling gently.

“Mm. Yeah. I just want to help people feel better. It’s all about dealing with injuries and such. I personally want to be a travel Nurse or maybe Psych. I feel like helping mentally is just as important as the physical.”

As your eyes flicked over to your closed door Ray caught the quick action and asked, bluntly.

“So you think Zack is one of those people that needs your help then?”

You blushed but nodded as you turned back to her. She was very perceptive too. No doubt they had to be.

“Well…yeah. I feel like anyone in need of help deserves my kindness. Simple as that. It’s my purpose in life.”

Ray seemed in awe at this.

“Your…purpose? Huh…”

You smiled gently and stood, heading to the closet.

“This is a lot to take in, and I’d definitely like more information later on, but either way; Mr. Takamata would’ve wanted you two to stay here as long as you like.“

You walked over with blankets and a pillow in your hands as you closed your eyes and smiled at her.

"I do too, in any case. It’s not safe for you out there in the cold and there’s bears and coyotes around. Help yourself to the fridge and cabinets if you’re hungry or thirsty. I don’t have much but you’re both welcome to it.”

You were surprised when the small blond girl suddenly hugged you as she stood up to allow you to make the couch more comfortable for her.

She spoke, but it was muffled and you pet her head gently as you asked.

“Hm? What was that Ray?”

“I said…”

She looked up at you, eyes sparkling.

“Thank you. You’re really nice, even though we don’t deserve it.”

Your smile strained a bit at that and you sighed, gently guiding her to get more comfortable on the couch.

“Everyone deserves kindness. Now, get some rest sweetie, okay? I’ve got class tomorrow but I’ll wake up and make sure you get breakfast before I leave.”

You both missed the quiet 'click’ of your bedroom door closing.

—–

Now that Ray was down, and Zack was as well presumably; you had schoolwork to get done. Studying for Anatomy and Physiology was always the hardest so you saved it for last, finishing what you were sure was late. A glance at the clock on your wall made you yawn.

3am. Wonderful. Time to say goodnight and then head to bed yourself.  It was gonna be a long day tomorrow; you had to be up at 7 to make breakfast like you promised for Ray.

You headed to the backyard and smiled sleepily at the gravestone awaiting you there as you sat down, too tired to keep standing.

“Hey Mr. Takamata. Thought I’d come say goodnight. Sorry I rushed off before I could say g'morning. I was running late again…”

You could almost imagine his smile, the way he’d say “Don’t try to rush things that need time to grow.” and got a little misty eyed.

“I…found that boy. The one you wanted me to meet. Or…more correctly I suppose he found me. In any case, I swear I’ll uphold my promise. No matter what.”

Despite yourself, a few of the tears fell and you sniffled.

“I wish you were here to meet him yourself.”

“The fuck’re you crying for?”

You squealed in surprise, jerking out of your kneeling position and looking up in fear for a moment until you registered it was just Zack. He must’ve snuck up behind you.

You let out a breath, a bit flustered at being caught crying as you rubbed your eyes.

“Meeting you has…kind of been my entire purpose. I can finally fulfill my promise to Mr. Takamata so I guess… I’m just happy. Plus… I’m a crybaby. Always have been ”

You blushed darker at the confession but Zack merely grunted and crouched down to examine the gravestone you’d made. His eyebrows furrowing as he ran his fingers over the lettering.

“So…this is for the old man huh? You dig this yourself?”

He wasn’t looking at you but his voice sounded gruff.

“Yeah. His body was really heavy and it was hard work digging a grave big enough…but I somehow managed it. He always loved sitting out here and talking with me, feeling the wind on his face as it made the wind chimes sing.”

Your tears dried at the happy memory and you rolled up to lay your head on your legs, a peaceful smile crossing your face.

“Did he? Huh. Guess you picked the right spot.”

Zack’s voice sounded thick but after a moment of silence he stood and smirked down at you, amusement shining in his hetacromstic gaze.

“Still; surprised a pipsqueak like you could pull it off. Must’ve taken you all day and all night.”

You went red at the teasing and pouted as you got to your feet.

“You’re not wrong but I managed it; and that’s all that matters. Anyway, what’re you doing up? Can’t sleep? I can make you some tea if you want. It might help.”

He blinked at you but nodded after a thought.

“…Fine. I wanna talk to you anyway.”

You nodded and headed into the kitchen, flipping the kettle on as you pulled down a mug and took out a teabag. Shit, you were out already? You’d have to budget some in once you went grocery shopping next week, plus factoring in how much more food you’d need with two additional mouths to feed. You might have to dip into your meager savings.

As the kettle went off and you added the hot water, you tilted your head at Zack, quiet in the darkness beside you. It was a little eerie how well he fit into it.

“Do you want milk and sugar? It makes it a lot sweeter.”

He nodded.

“Sure, whatever. Never had it before. Long as it’s drinkable.”

You suddenly realized you’d only told Ray and sighed as you added milk and extra sugar as you typically took it.

“Shit. Sorry I assumed you were sleeping and only told Ray- you’re welcome to any food and drinks you want; no need to ask. Just tell me if we run out of anything and I’ll add it to the grocery list.”

He narrowed his eyes at that and went quiet as you set his tea on the table and sat across from him looking at him expectantly as he sat down.

“You’re weird.”

He muttered after a moment, still looking at you as if trying to figure something else.

Your smile widened nervously at that.

“Thank…you? I think?”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“Not a compliment. Why the fuck are you scared of some person who obviously isn’t even here more than me? Hell; why aren’t you scared of me period? Everyone deserves kindness? What about murderers? I’ve killed hundreds, little girl.”

Your mouth thinned as you heard this, but you sighed, and smiled at him nonetheless.

“So you were eavesdropping then?”

He looked stricken at that before he leaned forward and hissed, voice little more than a defensive growl as he grabbed you and pulled you up to be face to face with him.

“I didn’t trust you with Ray. For all we know this college student thing could all be an act.”

“You’re more than welcome to check my anatomy and physiology textbooks if you’d like. But, in any case, it wasn’t a judgement. I wouldn’t trust people if I was on the run either. Must be tiring is all; constantly being on the run. You’re welcome to stay here, at the very least, as long as you’d like.”

He snorted, releasing you with a frustrated huff.

“You make a habit of opening your home to wanted fugitives? Or are you just stupid?”

You giggled at that, but it was sad as you leaned your cheek on your hand and shrugged.

“Well; Mr. Takamata left me this place but I kinda feel it’s yours too. After all, no matter for how short a time, he took you in. You’re just as worthy as I. He would’ve let you stay. And I…well yeah. I guess I am stupid…but this isn’t because of that. I’m lonely. The company would be nice. Besides, everyone currently here is broken…it may be nice to help hold one another together. Don’t you think?”

Your breathing was slow and even and you yawned, glancing at the clock. Shit. 4 am now.

Zack had hidden behind his eyes behind his hair as you explained and scoffed, standing with a grumble.

“…Yeah, whatever. Just don’t be surprised if we don’t stick around. We don’t need an extra along for the ride. We’ve got plenty of weird between the two of us, so butt out. Got it?”

He didn’t wait for your response as he headed back to your room.

You shrugged off his words, the whole conversation feeling like a haze as you laid your head on your arms. It wouldn’t be much…but 3 hours should be enough. Just a little energy to get you through the day.

—–

You sighed as you felt an odd yet familiar sensation; fingers brushing through your long hair, giving a hum in contentment.

“What’re you touching her for? I say we take the food and scram.”

“Her hair is really soft, and she looks pretty. Besides, she said she’d make breakfast.”

“And you think that will wake her up? Move.”

The fingers stopped and just as you pouted and attempted to move closer to it; suddenly you were falling, making you squeal and barely catch yourself on your hands.

You looked around frantically, trying to get a grasp of your surroundings as you blinked quickly.

“Wah!! J-Jesus what-!?”

Zack burst out laughing at your reaction, bending over in complete stitches as you were left pouting and blushing in embarrassment.

“Hah!! You really are a damn mouse! I’ve never heard a voice go so high pitched!!”

“D-Don’t be mean! I can’t help it okay!?”

He jeered, approaching and bending down to knock on your skull.

“Suck it up little mouse~ Why don’t you get to cookin’ huh? Ray and I are tired of waitin’ for your lazy ass to get up.”

You frowned at that, eyes moving to the clock and gasped, hopping to your feet.

“It’s 10 already!? Please tell me you messed with my clocks! My alarm definitely should’ve-”

“Told you you shouldn’t have smashed it.”

Ray interrupted with a pout at Zack.

Dread weighed your stomach like a brick and it was all you could do to smile weakly.

“I’m scared to ask but…smashed what, exactly?’

Zack raised his chin towards the table in front of the living room couch where you’d left your school laptop and there it was; smashed to pieces.

“Oh I am so fucked.”

You could only sigh as you put your face in your hands for a moment, fought back tears and then straightened and headed to the fridge, as if nothing had happened.

“Do you guys have a preference on what to eat?”

Zack brushed off your reaction easily, eager to not take responsibility as he made himself comfortable in the same chair he sat in last nightst and spread his legs out.

“Anything is fine; but meat is the best if you have it.”

“And you Ray? Hm?”

You looked down in surprise as the blond girl hugged you around your middle when you opened the fridge and turned to look at her.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?”

Your voice softened worriedly and she looked up at you with a mixture of apathy and determination.

“Sometimes hugging will make my dad’s hits hurt less when he got angry. Aren’t you mad?”

You blinked at that and then inhaled to keep the tears at bay. Christ, what had she gone through for that to be her first thought?

You raised your hand to pet her head and reluctantly did so when she didn’t flinch, feeling Zack’s eyes burning into you from the table.

“No hun; I’ll be fine. I’m sorry for cursing in front of you…I got worried, sad even because it’s a lot of money I’ll have to pay, and I really don’t…”

You hesitated, debating how to word it for her and settled on.

“…like confrontation. But not mad. Zack broke it because he didn’t know how to properly make it stop. I’ll teach him when I get a new one; and this situation will be avoided. So no reason to be mad!”

You pulled back to smile at her gently and she was giving you that wide-eyed look of awe again. You let her go and stood up to your full height, clapping with a grin before turning back to pull out the bacon from the fridge.

“How does eggs with cheese, bacon and toast sound?”

A glance back at Ray as you finished taking out the eggs and she smiled in a way that made your heart warm, arms held behind her back.

“Sure!”

“Whatever.”

Zack’s mutter could barely be heard but the intensity of his eyes on you had definitely lessened as you worked on prepping and cooking the food. Zack and Ray had a quiet, mumbled conversation beyond your back.

As you were plating it you casually mentioned it, knowing you’d have to be careful with your wording.

“So…I figured I’d tell you guys in advance; but I’ll need you to make yourselves scarce tomorrow. Just tomorrow; I’m not kicking you out or anything but it’s important.”

Your voice was light, but serious underneath and as you turned with a grin, both plates in your hands to set them down you froze at the way both of your guests’ heads whipped to stare you down.

Zack’s gaze was analytical; unsure if he should give trust or not and Rachel’s were curious and sad.

After a moment of tense silent Zack smirked bitterly, eyes locked on your every movement like he was ready to pounce.

“Yeah we’re gonna need more than that. The fuck is this “important” buisness you’re talking about?”

Rachel merely nodded in silent agreement, a frown on her lips.

Your anxiety spiked and you fidgeted in place uncomfortably for a moment before you set down their plates. Despite the way your smile and voice shook your forced words out, knowing you were seconds from breaking and needing to be far away before that happened.

“I-I’ll be right back enjoy the food!”

It was all said in one breath and then you were out the door.

You aren’t sure for how far you ran; but it was enough to leave you gasping. The tears and shaking finally came out all at once; the panic and fear of tomorrow taking over as you fell to your knees and held your hands over your head.

You were full-on ugly sobbing, memories vivid and blurry all at once crashing over you and making you feel like you were drowning. You hadn’t had an attack like this in ages. Had been so careful to keep your distance and do everything perfectly…but now that your laptop had been broken and you’d missed a day of classes-

You gasped sharply in pain as your hair was yanked to force you to meet familiar heterochromatic eyes.

Fear struck you for an entirely different reason than he was used to as you shoved him away to cover your face in horror.

“Don’t look at me! What are you doing here; how did you find me!?”

“Chasing people who run is quite literally all I do. Maybe you should think about that next time you try it. You’ve run far enough lady. Start. Talking. What’s happening tomorrow that has you this…”

He motioned vaguely to your disheveled form despite you not looking at him.

“this?”

You turned away in shame but he wasn’t having it, grunting and grabbing your wrists roughly to force your hands down after crouching in front of you. He seemed wholly unaffected by your crying, save for the odd smile tugging at the edges of his lips and the trembling of his own bandaged hands.

“Talk, dammit! I’m about 3 seconds from dragging you back to the house by your hair!”

You let out a watery laugh as you had no choice but to look at him. No matter how hard you tried to squirm or pull your wrists away he didn’t even acknowledge your efforts with tightening his grip easily keeping you still without any true strength.

“He’s-He’ll come tomorrow. He’s going to get a note from the college that’ll be delivered by the school, as well as here and he’s going to find out where I live and then he’s going to take it all away from me-”

You were starting to fully spiral now that your words had been giving voice and continued talking as Zack’s gaze turned cold and sharp.

“Hey.”

“He’s going to force me away, he’ll make me leave college and work to pay him more than I already have to every month-”

“Mouse-”

“He’s gonna tear me apart again, take away everything and everyone I care about till all that’s left is him, his hatred, the negative voice that never stops, maybe I should just end-glch!”

You were cut off with one of his hands abruptly squeezing your air supply shut for a moment in clear warning before it returned, quick as a snake’s strike to your wrist.

Your eyes rushed to his and only then did you realize you’d been hyperventilating.

Zack was the scariest you’d seen him yet, expression manically angry and gleeful all at once.

So lemme get this straight. You were gonna send Ray and I off because you thought you had to protect us?”

He threw his head back and laughed; loud and maniacal before his grip on your wrist tightened harshly and he abruptly snarled at you.

“We don’t need your fucking protection, little girl. That fucker wants a fight from either of us, he’ll be dead before he can even move.”

You shook your head, sniffling as you calmed a little though a few tears still slipped out.

“You-You don’t understand. It’s not your problem. He’s my burden to bear.”

“The house belongs to me too right?”

Zack’s question caught you off guard but you nodded instantly nonetheless.

“Yeah of course-”

“Then it’s my problem too. And Ray’s since she stays with me.”

Tears blurred your vision again but for an entirely different reason as you felt something you hadn’t experienced since your Mom and Mr. Takamata had passed.

“Zack, are you-?”

He released you then, moving to stand quickly and starting to walk away with a scoff.

“You really are a crybaby. Come home already!”

That did it.

You choked back your tears and grinned, him glancing out of the corner of his eye before turning away.

You trailed behind him and if he slowed his pace just enough to allow you to walk at his side you certainly didn’t comment.

“R-Right!”

[immobiliter]

so i really want to talk about topaz and her feelings about the ipc and i feel like this is a topic that i will probably come back to again and again as my own portrayal develops and i flesh her out, but in short her feelings are incredibly complicated.

a lot of this is to do with the fact that topaz's circumstances have effectively brainwashed her from a very young age. we don't know how old she was when the ipc arrived on her home planet and "took over" but the implication is that topaz was young when she was contracted into indentured servitude along with the rest of the planet's inhabitants — young enough that her memories of her home planet are probably vague and a lot of her formative experiences would have been within the ipc itself. of course, topaz doesn't see it as indentured servitude and probably would be hard pressed to ever actually see it that way: the ipc's ecological reconstruction efforts on her home planet were a success, joining the ipc offered her an education and career opportunity and security ( the latter of which is a big deal for topaz and why she is such a believer in the amber lord and THEIR path of preservation. as she says to bronya in her letter, it's all about survival over freedom ), and a life debt to the ipc is absolutely outweighed by those benefits. where would she be had the ipc not arrived on her planet when they did? likely dead, honestly — and she was young enough at the time to not really question or consider any alternative and i think still, to this day, cannot conceive of any outcome for her life that would have proved better than what the ipc gave her.

whereas aventurine's relationship to the ipc is all about trying to navigate and make the most of the cage he is boxed into through being a stoneheart, for topaz it's arguably about not realising that she's in a cage in the first place, or at least not considering it as such.

but her feelings about the ipc are still way more nuanced than just "she is their number 1 defender" lmao. she had to keep her subordinates in line while on jarilo-vi, she also had to keep her subordinates in line while in the hotel lobby on penacony. she knows that the ipc has an unsavoury reputation and are commonly considered the "bad guys" by outsiders. and topaz straddles that line between good and bad very interestingly imo, particularly in the jarilo vi quest — she is kind, she is polite and pleasant, you can tell that she genuinely does care about seeing belobog survive and thrive in the same way that her home world did ( hence why aventurine calls it a high risk, low reward project ) and does not immediately enter into the situation all guns blazing. however, she also weaponises that empathy towards bronya and the others in belobog through her letter ( because while it was a genuine attempt to reach out and explain her motives, himeko points out that she leaves out some important details about the ipc's ecological reconstruction programme and you can't tell me that letter isn't the smallest bit manipulative, it is ). she is also fully prepared to use force to take over belobog if needed ( svarog put the calculation of her resorting to force at 96% and topaz said that was a conservative estimate ) and, if bronya hadn't intervened at the last second, she would have been a boss fight for the astral express crew just as aventurine was during penacony.

i do think belobog was a turning point for her, or at least an important realisation for her that she has learned more from jade and the more ruthless figures in the ipc than she would like to admit, and a chance for her to recalibrate exactly how she wishes to do better both by herself and her conscience, and by the ipc as an institution. but what i love about her is that everything is grey and you can't easily explain away her morality, hence why this will probably not be the last time i ramble about the topic lmao

[the-void-writes]

OC Smash Or Pass

Thank you @sergeantnarwhalwrites for the tag! I was a little nervous to do this, but I think it helped me developed my characters a bit more so that’s really nice.

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but have a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc)

I’ll leave this as an open tag for anyone who feels like joining.

OC of choice: Dante Briggs

(I don’t have many drawn pictures of Dante that I like, so please excuse the extra Will in the second pic lol)

Dante is a 28-year-old club owner and robotics engineer who came to Paradise in the 1980’s. He was the first person to catch Vesely’s Infection and survive (hence the gold magic in his arms). The disease gave him power over empathy and mood control.

Propaganda will be under the cut for suggestive content:

Pros:

-He is the biggest, most playful sweetheart in all of Paradise once you get through his walls. He’ll serenade you in public, brag about you to everyone, and make sure that you know every single day that he loves you.

-If you’re a fan of clubs, he’d love to dance with you with the neon lights illuminating your figure. If that’s not your scene, he’s always happy to take you somewhere like a park or field. He loves peace and quiet just as much as he loves parties.

-He built all of his club employees, each one designed for pleasure and fun. He could make tools that would blow your mind. In fact, you may just become his assistant for testing out whatever he makes.

-Empathy powers means that with your permission, he can read your feelings and adjust himself to make you feel incredible.

-Body worship is his specialty. Whatever you’ve got for him to work with, he’ll treat you like a god.

-This man is embarrassingly weak to both praise and voices. Make some noises and tell him how good he’s doing, and he’ll practically melt in your hands.

-Loves letting other people take control sometimes. It makes him feel loved. So go ahead and ask, he’s up for anything.

-You can have the wildest night of your life, and then be treated to a warm bath and leftovers and being held snug under a dozen blankets.

Cons:

-He can start off as kind of annoying and rude. It’s his defense mechanism. You can probably get less of it if you’re a cute blonde guy, though.

-His first answer to most problems is almost always vigilantism. It’s kind of ingrained in his brain, thanks to his late fiancé. Don’t be surprised if he gets into trouble.

-Gets distracted easily. He’ll be kissing your thigh, and then stop to look at the freckles because he thinks they make a shape.

-Constant PDA. He can’t keep his hands off of someone he loves, especially around people that think it won’t last. It’s only a con if you get embarrassed easily.

-King Gazali will think you’re mad for wanting Dante, of all people. They have a complicated friendship.

-His android employees will ask for details all the time. You both will become their gossip topic for a while.

-You might have to drag him away from his workshop because he’s such a perfectionist that he won’t stop until his creations make you see stars.