#helpppp the angst

[gunnrblze]

The sibling dynamic between Hesh and Logan has rotted the innards of my brain. Long ramble of me reading into this too much and probably making it personal below the cut, lol.

They’re extremely close, grow up practically codependent, at least from a certain point onward. Hesh brothers Logan in an almost fatherly way sometimes because their actual father places this responsibility on him (albeit largely unintentionally I imagine), for the literal sole fact that he’s two (2) years older than Logan. That’s it, just two. He got parentified like a lot of older siblings tend to be, purely due to circumstance of being the eldest. If Logan was older this dynamic would most likely have been the same thing. Hesh was pushed into this protector role regardless of how he feels about it.

And I wonder how it would’ve panned out had Elias tried to foster a more ‘behave as a unit’ approach rather than ‘Hesh protect Logan regardless’ type thing. Logan followed in Hesh’s footsteps (QUITE LITERALLY!) and strived to be just like him. During all their training, they “became men” together and learned how to communicate non verbally to the point where they’re near fucking telepathic.

Yes they fight together, yes Logan was there for Hesh always, “Logan has my back and I have his, we’re brothers” yes yes yes. But Hesh was damn near playing caretaker for him sometimes. From the beginning of the game we see Elias telling Hesh to look out for Logan constantly, and he continues to throughout the entire game. And at the end when Rorke drags Logan away you can hear the pain and the panic in Hesh’s voice (duh). Can see him trying to reach for him and crawl to him. From the beginning to the end, Hesh is Logan’s big brother in every sense of the word. From childhood to the moment Logan is drug off the beach, Hesh is right there with him like a guardian angel. Or more like a guard dog maybe lol. And I just wonder what difference it would’ve made if Elias didn’t force Hesh (whether he meant to or not doesn’t even matter) to shoulder the burden of not only growing up himself, but guiding Logan so heavily at the same time.

And what gets me the most about this is that Logan is just as experienced as Hesh, minus those two years that Hesh joined the army before Logan turned 18. They trained together, Rorke implied that Elias trained them a lot himself, and Logan is just as capable. Just as intelligent, prepared, skilled, etc. Yet in some parts of the game, it almost seems like his ‘baby of the family’ role follows him, despite being a skilled spec ops soldier fighting an active war, and it’s just so interesting to me. I just know this has gotta be a deep seated thing for Hesh, to have been his brothers guardian in a sense, despite only having two years on him. He was just as young and confused, just as in need of guidance, and yes Elias provided a lot of that for the both of them, but Hesh kinda had to wing it a lot I think. He didn’t have an older sibling to look up to because he IS the older sibling being looked up to.

And on the flip side, how is Logan meant to interpret that growing up, in any other way besides ‘Hesh knows more, does more, is better than me, knows better than me, etc’ type of thing? You’re being looked after by an older sibling half the time, of course you’re gonna idolize them more than a sibling might do so even in a regular/healthy circumstance. Like yea that’s his big brother and he’s gonna look up to him regardless, but you’re only two years younger being silently treated like you’re in need of this caretaking….c’mon. Elias created a dynamic in which the two of them are so codependent, that it had to have hurt Hesh on an even deeper level to lose Logan than it already would’ve. That would already be soul shattering in the first place, especially with the dogshit ass circumstances they were in, but to lose the little brother that you most definitely feel personally responsible for…? This is why I think Hesh would genuinely be tweaking the fuck out post beach.

And to add onto this ramble about Merrick becoming like a mentor to Hesh, I can see Hesh getting some actual older male guidance without the addendum of ‘also here’s this other guy you need to look out for’ being healing in a way. Dare I say Keegan/Kick would even become like an older brother figure to Hesh and kinda fill that hole, the older brother he didn’t get.

Anyways idk I’m insane about them always. You unintentionally made your sons codependent on one another, and then you die, and then one son is taken, blah blah we know what happened. I mean damn lol.

[hainethehero]

I can imagine Eddie sobbing uncontrollably as he calls Buck, hands shaking and feeling a panic attack coming on as his parents threaten to take Chris. He knows entertaining the idea of Kim was wrong. He's just been holding it together so well all the time. He was bound to snap. He just didn't realize it would cost him his son.

So when Buck picks up on the second ring, he breaks.

"Eddie?"

His voice cracks from the pressure, letting out a broken sob, "I messed up and I need you."

[sugaaz]

MXTX-TOBER 2023 ☆ DAY TWENTY FIVE - Death

[miusato]

I definitely did not think about Shinji falling in love with Minako I really don't aha but anyway I started thinking about how he kinda falls for her because she's one of the very few people that isn't really afraid of him nor afraid of talking directly about what's on her mind which is very much needed because like I said in at least one of my silly post here, Mina puts her hearts on her fucking sleeves and Shinji's be like "What's a sleeve???" He literally won't know or refuse to believe that someone actually has feelings towards him unless it was said to him in Arial 12 Bold and a dialogue pop out of their head that says "I LOVE YOU"

Anyway ignore that, I just wanna talk about my hs au lol and I started to think about how he falls for this girl. He definitely would be annoyed that she's in his business all the time but as week passed when he realize she helps almost everyone else other than help, he shrugs and just kinda accepts that she just likes to help everyone else like it's some sort of side quest for her. As their friendship progress, I totally believe he would be the one that fall first because other than her being the first person other than Aki to actually talk to him like a normal person, he really appreciates how accomodating and thoughtful she is towards him and others surrounding him and I have no doubt that the bitch in his ears thats definitely not Castor because persona isn't a thing in this au would say shit like she'll leave him when she finds out how awful and boring he is and such but he still finds himself indulging into his daydream. He would find himself stare at her more often than before unconciously and space out and daydream about her and her strawberries scented shampoo and how he wants to talk to her more. He promised he won't let his guard down but he finds himself to be at her home and somehow cooking for her and her aunt and how they even bought an apron with his name stitched on it because Mina wants it and he hates how he finds himself smiling whenever he thinks of her or be with her its sickeningggg

All while this is happening and he is fighting with himself in his mind, Aki has no fuckin clue about the inner turmoil he's going through and just happy to see Mina is keeping him in school lol

[catiuskaa]

heads up: liking the post = added to the taglist of the winner!

edit: here’s the results

[collectorcookie]

WAS SOMEBODY GONNA TELL ME OBBLIGATO IS PRETTY FUNNY OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT MYSELF

[mizukiakiyama-tdi]

Why are half of my Totaldrama head canons/backstories just angst. Like why is Noah based off FREAKING ENA Shinonome.💀☹️

[papayaturtles]

C!BEEDUO COMIC

I forgot to post on here that I also have a cbeeduo comic I've been working know since 2022, theres too many pages to fit on tumblr (30+ pages in the later chapters) so the full comic is on ao3! :D HERE

Theres 15 chapters so far and the 16th is on the way! Here's some sneak peeks into my story! It's about a war between the Overworld and the End that's been hoping on for nearly a decade and 2 stars, a child soldier and a prince, will try to work together to stop the conflict

Old artstyle jumpscare 😨😨😨

And here's a completely out of context page from ch 16 that you won't know about till it comes out 😝😝😝😝

[awanderingcatharsis]

Just started tsoa today and I'm ripping my hair out I'm not even half way thru the book

[screampied]

OKAY OKAY FIRST OF ALL I DIDNT CONSENTED FOR AN GUT WRENCHING ANGST FIC😭😭😭😭😭 But you are so right bodyguard!Geto acts so confidently and smooth but he loves reader so much that he would take a bullet on his heart for her ����😭😭😭😭😭 this fic/series has too many potential for being both fluffy and angsty I’ll leave it to you it’s impossible for us to not have a angsty ending😭 (not that I am complaining your fics are so 😋😋😋)🌙

IMSORRRYYYYY. idk why but i feel like with the bodyguard trope, he’d take a bullet for you in an instant without question. HES SO DREAMMYYY ☹️☹️☹️☹️

i know right !!! he’d def have like a nonchalant yet suave type personality towards reader. this is also another trope i’ve never written for so i can’t wait to get to it when i can tehehe

[neofleurist]

hello... guys im struggling rn. i've got this project for graphics and i like really really reallyyyyy need responses on this questionnaire so please help

https://forms.office.com/Pages/ResponsePage.aspx?id=FoP7clDUuEyaEvAkg6v5MOqim69mQ1NOsOMyorowkohUQjRIMjUyRjZGREoyODNZMzc0R09JUzdMQi4u

[sorvete-de-pacoca]

I be so mentally ill when I remember when the royal portuguese court came to Rio de Janeiro while escaping from Napoleon Brazil and Portugal united into a kingdom and according to hetalia lore alliances are represented by marriages which implies Brazil and Portugal married they married guys hear me ou

[narugen-moved]

got a stroke of genius while in the shower. mina leaving hoshina notes when he finally confesses and they don’t see each other anymore (surprise the truth is she’s always around until i think he gets older and older and she finally stops haunting him? idk) anyway she leaves him notes because just like the ink on receipt paper that’s been in the sun for too long - her pretty handwriting constantly fades with time…. her words don’t show up in pictures too…

[my-name-is-jefferooni]

Me looking at all the cool Shadow art: It’s okay, I’ll make some later and contribute to the community 🤗✨

Me 5 seconds later: I CANNOT DRAW SHADOW FOR SHIT. 😭😭😭

[greycaelum]

Kaleidoscope Series—Clouds and Mochi Chapters { Blue }

—Gojo Satoru X Wife Reader

𑁍 Synopsis: a date with Satoru and finally knowing your Sunshine's gender

𑁍 Genre: family theme, fluff, very mild angst if you squint, comfort

𑁍 CW/TW: (2.6k)—pregnancy, domesticity, suggestive content, kisses, mild profanity, mentions of pregnancy fear, overall fluff

𑁍 Grey ✒️☕: this chapter is dedicated for { @afortoru } thank you for being here pretty one, I'm delighted to meet you and know you even in such short time! So for now let this be your bookmark in this lil'corner and my good luck charm for you —XOXO

Satoru diligently packed several tumblers of the chilled fresh orange juice in the bag along with some packed lunch and oranges. He knows how cute you look whenever your cravings are satisfied. After all, no one wants a grumpy pregnant wifey.

Now, he just has to wait for you to get ready, so both of you can go.

Having two children, naughty ones at that, and with an incoming one or more, people often wondered how the two of you are doing in your marriage. Hopeless as he is, Satoru knows he's often away and he has to make up for it.

"Love, helpppp!" You hollered from upstairs sending him to a mini heart attack, traversing the kitchen to the bedroom in one warp.

There you are standing in front of the mirror in a powder blue maternity jumper dress, holding a pair of socks with a pout on your lips. He could see the little beads of sweat forming on your temples, telling your struggle before you called out for him. Your 26 weeks bump, which he could say is a little bigger than usual, is making it harder for you to bend.

Pretty little thing. You're gonna make him crazy with your antics. 

"Really? We're inside the house and you go warping around?"

"Well, someone's trying to give me a scare with her bloody scream." Satoru chuckles and takes the sock in your hand, guiding you by the hip to the nearby chair while he kneels and holds your swollen foot.

He has seen you swollen with his child two times and still seeing you waddling around with your pretty baby bump gets his nerves giddy and his heart fluttering.

"What are you grinning about, Love?" You owlishly blinked at him.

"Mnnn, that you're really beautiful." Satoru smiled. And he meant it, so much that after all these years he thinks his crush on you never faded. The way you giggled at his compliment as he kisses the peak of your bump is so calming he wants to keep you in his arms all day long.

But that's for another time. He's got plans for you today.

"Could you now tell me where we are going?" You stare at Satoru and huff. He never told you anything about this date. Only telling you to dress comfortably and dragging you to walk somewhere you don't know.

"Later you'll see."

Your arm loosely hang around Satoru's waist, while the other held your orange juice occasionally sharing a sip with Satoru while waiting for the green lights at the crossroads. Satoru held your shoulders to keep you from bumping into anything, while his other arm carried your bag.

From time to time gazes fall on the two of you, walking past the neighborhood. It's not usual to see a couple walking around leisurely. Satoru paired your look with his loose white button-up shirt tucked in his blue chinos and a pair of white topsider going for a cutesy blue and white palette for your date.

"Oh, is that your first? Such beautiful parents for a little one." One of the grandmothers in the neighborhood greeted the two of you. Walking around, there are times pleasant people greet you for small talk, especially seeing you with a baby.

"Thank you, it's actually the third." Satoru grinned proudly, his hand that was on your shoulder slid down to rub your belly.

Show off. You snorted and thanked the lovely lady.

"Really 'Toru, where are you going?" It's not the usual district you go strolling around. It's been a while since you had a walk around the town. Being swollen and pregnant easily exhausts you, opting you to be a couch potato in the house after sending off the kids to school.

Satoru knows that that's why he arranged this little excursion for the two of you. Away from looking after the kids, and just simply as a couple.

"We're..." Satoru trailed off and halted in front of a tall building. "Here it is, ta-dah!"

"Palettes & Paint" you read the artistic signboard of a cozy-looking cafe with floor-to-ceiling window walls and inside is a vintage brown vibe space.

You let him pull you in, donning the apron over you, and sat on a corner with different kinds of paint and paper. While you're not particularly inclined to do this, watching Satoru focused on his canvas, mixing paint and all is a sight in itself. Besides you are snacks and some creamy drinks Satoru ordered.

"Why painting, Love?" Mindlessly you brush the stray hair over Satoru's forehead and propped your elbow to support your cheeks.

"Nothing, just thought it'd be nice for Sunshine to enjoy art." Satoru turned to you and grinned. "You're staring, Baby"

"Uh-huh, which baby do you mean?." You smiled and went back to your canvas.

"My first Baby."

Satoru inches closer and press a kiss on your cheeks, and went back to his work with a boyish grin. Satoru watch your lips pursed, hiding the smile blooming on your face.

"I'm going for a doctor's appointment, they said we can finally see the gender. Do you have time this Friday, Love?" Carefully you draw a cute snout on your painting.

Satoru has been looking forward to this moment. Kouki and Saika have been bantering about the little one's gender. For Satoru, he is fine in any way, he's just so happy right now that he can't think much of the gender. 

"Of course, I need to be there. What do you think of our Sunshine's gonna be?"

Your hand froze, and setting down your brush you look at the painting you made. It's a cute white wolf, with equally blue eyes as Satoru has.

"A boy... I guess." You chuckled lightly. Poor Saika if that ever happens, she'll have a riot every day with all the boys in the house.

A boy huh? Satoru brushed his chin.

Lately, he has been visioning a little girl looking so much like you. Crawling all around the house. Saika and Kouki would fawn at her so much, knowing those two were asking for a sibling that has your hair. And he too, wants to see a baby looking so much like you.

"Love? You're spacing out."

Satoru snaps out of it and laughs to himself. Thoughts of babies with you are his distraction.

"I think it's a girl."

"Really?" You laughed. "Kouki's gonna be overpowered by his sisters."

Looking at you right now. Glowing and happy like this, he thinks that maybe he should bring you out more often. There's that trend going on about a babymoon. Going to the ocean with you and the kids sounds nice. But he thinks that if he sees you in a bikini, Satoru would go batshit feral. Seeing his wife is all sexy and pregnant with his baby, even for him is too much.

You're the best mother for the kids and the best wife to him. Always making sure the house is ready when they get home. Arranges stuff that he can't handle in the Gojo Estate. Your patience must be that of a saint, knowing Satoru is often away and you have to deal with more than you can handle. Having obligations is already enough, but watching over two kids as well...

You're really strong and smart to handle it all and still love him without hating his lacking.

"We should go together in your Lamaze classes." Satoru brush away the stray hair on your cheeks. "I only got to do it thrice with you."

Once with Kouki, and twice with Saika. His schedule back then was such a mess that even on weekends he has work. Satoru's eyes landed on your baby bump.

But for this little one, time couldn't be more perfect with the relatively peaceful period.

"Oh, by the way, what are you drawing Love?"

"Hmmm?" Satoru showed you his canvas. "Hey! What's with your constipated face? This is art y'know!"

"No matter what you say it looks more horrible than a grade 3 student's doodle." Perhaps it's time Satoru accepts the only thing he's good at mixing colors is his curse techniques.

You promised the two munchkins that you'll pick them up from school after the doctor's appointment. Satoru has to slip in a little more bribing just to ease up the two cats who were ready to sulk after hearing they can't come with you to see their baby sibling.

"Hi Mrs. Gojo, are you ready to know your baby's gender?"

It was a split second but you certainly felt someone stiffened. You turned to see Satoru smiling at you, except that his forehead is a little sweaty even with the air conditioning.

Silly one...

The sonographer applied the gel and the transducer and let you relax. Satoru held your hand, while his eyes are so focused on the monitor. The sonographer is explaining the position of the baby.

"Is that the eyes?" Satoru's jaws fell open. "He just opened his eyes!" Satoru looks at you, shock written all over his face. You could swear he grew pale by several degrees. You have to hold his hand a little tighter because Satoru is too blown away that he doesn't notice his palms are sweating coldly.

"Ah yes, the baby's eyes are partially open by 26 weeks, but don't worry it's not yet the final shade of his eyes." The sonographer kindly explains this to your flabbergasted husband.

"Hey, Love. Are you okay? You're so pale." You chuckled as Satoru brought the back of your palms to his lips, kissing it over and over again. It's not like it's his first time, but damn does it makes him so nervous.

Seems like the sonographer can tell as she finally asks the question.

"Would you like me to write down the gender—" but the sonographer froze all of a sudden, all eyes glued to the screen.

"Uhm, is that another head am I seeing?" You blinked several times to confirm your vision.

"Uh, I think we need a second opinion here." The sonographer looks at you, nodding at your question.

There are cases of pregnancies where you're pregnant, and got pregnant again, maybe days or weeks apart, but certainly carrying two babies at the same time. There are very rare cases called superfetation. In most cases, it was made possible by artificial reproductive technology, but yours was simply a miracle.

"So I'm technically pregnant at the same time, but it's not twins?" You look at your ob-gyne. The fear starts to creep in with the sudden revelation.

"Yep, that is right. And judging from your ultrasound, they're growing one week apart. The little one here has successfully hidden behind the older one until now." Your doctor smiled at you.

Satoru has been listening, and he's blown away by this.

"What do we need to do to keep my wife and babies safe? Complications? Treatments? Does she need medicines? Listen the money doesn't matter. I just need my wife and kids, safe." He's adamant about this. Desperate is an understatement. There's no way he'll gamble about you or his kids.

"Love calm down." You reach for his hand. Even if your mind is reeling too.

"To be honest, the thing that we should look out for most is the babies' growth. The older one may be ready for birth while the younger one is still not. But seeing that they're only one week apart, that lessens our worries." You Ob-Gyne assured you with a bright smile. "I know this sounds very daunting, but despite this unseen situation, it's possible for both babies to be born fully developed and completely healthy."

Several thoughts are running through Satoru's head. This is fine, he has to support you. This is totally fine. There are cases of mothers pregnant with four kids at the same time. That's right, he should be more mindful so he can keep an eye on you and your delicate situation.

But damn, were his little swimmers that strong to get you pregnant twice? Guess, staying up all night romping on the bed really did a number on you.

Flick

"Owww!" Satoru rubs his forehead and looks at you, your brow raised at him.

"Seems like Mr. Gojo is too excited to even listen." Your OB chuckled and opened a small paper. "So, would you like to hear the gender?"

"Can you just write it Doc? We wanna open it with our kids." Feeling the way Satoru grips your palms. You couldn't agree more with him. Satoru discussed more with the doctor while you waited. He was meticulous about your vitamins and symptoms he should look out for. Seeing him going through almost everything somehow eases your nerves.

But really you're scared. Can you handle two children at the same time? What if you can do it? You'll end up neglecting one or the other, or your body can't take all at once that you'll—

"Shhh, I'm right here." Satoru brought your head to his chest, feeling the reality sinking in as the clinic doors close. "I'm right here, Baby."

You nodded, just listening to Satoru's heartbeat and cooing until your emotions and hormones calm down.

Leaving the hospital you're feeling clammy with the sudden news. You're never ready for this. Is this why you're more adept at your cravings? Or feeling more clingy with Satoru in the morning... 

The chauffer discreetly pulled up the partition to give his madame and sire privacy.

"Baby." Satoru brought you out of your trance. "The kids are in the house, do you want me to pick up a cake or something on our way?"

You nodded absentmindedly. Satoru could see your thoughts are still suspended in the air.

"I know this is scary for you, for us. But I couldn't wish for more, and just so y'know, I would do everything in my power to protect you, the mother of my kids, and these little ones here." Satoru protectively laid his palm over your belly, caressing the bump before pressing a soft kiss on your lips. "And you two in there, better not give okaa-chan a hard time or else otou-chan's not gonna share my strawberry daifuku with you anymore." Satoru huffs seriously.

It's gonna be alright...

Your lat your head on Satoru's shoulder, inhaling his scent. This time he really did took a bath with the soap you gave him, so he's not stinky.

"I want to eat chiffon cake 'Toru. I'm so hungry."

"Hai, hai, anything for you Honey."

"And we should make a bet, the loser will change the diapers."

"Yes Ma'am." Satoru shakes his head. Even if he wins he knows he'll be the one to change the diapers anyway.

The car didn't even pull up but the front door busted open with Kouki and Saika running to greet you both.

"Mama! Mama! How was it? Is it a sister?"

"It's a brother, right Mama?"

Satoru ushered you three inside the house while holding the chiffon cake.

Kouki immediately ran to the genkan and help you out on your slipper while Saika held your hand to keep your balance. Kouki did the same for his Papa.

"Mama are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?" Sai look at you with a worried look on her face as she climbs on the couch beside you.

"I have orange juice Mama," Kouki ran to the kitchen bringing you a tumbler of chilled fresh orange juice immediately lightening your mood.

"Mama's fine, sweetie. Thank you sweetheart. You see, Mama and Papa has a surprise for you!"

You glance at Satoru bringing out the cake with a lit candle on it. Totally unnecessary but who are you to question your husband's shenanigans? Even if you said no, he'll do it anyways.

You brought out the envelope from the ob-gyne and the kids are squealing in excitement. Kouki clung to your arm so tight and Saika was giggling as she waved at her Papa to sit down.

"Let's see." Satoru set the cake down on the table and joined the huddle, putting Saika on his lap while Kouki curled under your arm.

"It's a girl..." Saika gasp.

"It's a boy!" Kouki cheered.

They were jumping up and down, realization finally sinking in until they stopped and looked at you and their Papa smiling so wide.

"Why is it two?!" They chorused.

You hit Satoru's chest, keeping your laughter contained, while Satoru chuckled sweeping in to kiss you senseless.

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

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General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey