#hell. i even remember my mom's attitude after i came out as a lesbian and then later when i shyly came out to her as nonbinary at pride

[magnetic-dogz]

My parents aren't perfect. Good parents, but not perfect, and they have made mistakes in the past with me. But one thing I will always be grateful for is they've always been very respectful of my autonomy.

As soon as I was able to have a proper say in things about the way I dress, what I eat, my hobbies, my education, and my medical treatment, they always consulted me first and asserted that if my autonomy wasn't respected, they'd fight for it to be respected.

Hell, I've never even wanted to take HRT or transition, I've always mostly identified with my assigned gender, but my parents have straight up told me that if me or my brother ended up finding out we were trans, they'd support the transition however they could.

I may not have perfect parents, but I at the very least have never felt like I was more their property than my own independent person.

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

A Real Family (Miss Venable x reader)

hiyaa :3 This was a really cute request, thank you! Its kinda short i guess, but there we go..

request: (by anon) Hey hi, may I suggest something where reader and Wilhemina have a doughter, and one day she comes at home after school crying, because some kids made fun of her because she has two moms, so they have to comfort their doughter, and Mina, at first, wants to call the kids parents and shout at them, but reader will calm her down and make her change her mind. 👉🏻👈🏻

google translate whoop.. ohh and i guess the end is a bit sudden, i am sorry ://

"What about Levi?"

"We can't call him Levin while we always call Olivia Liv ... Levi and Liv sound ugly together .."

"Then suggest a name if you always find my ideas shitty ..".

You sighed as you leaned back to lean your back against Mina's upper body. It was Wednesday afternoon and you were sitting on the couch in your girlfriend's lap while you discussed the name of your second child who was already on the way (you were five months pregnant).

Mina was sitting behind you and had both hands on the round curve of your stomach, while absently stroking it with her thumbs.

"What about Theodore?" She finally asked as she rested her chin on your shoulder.

"My cousin's name is like that. And I don't like him .."

"Okay", she muttered thoughtfully. "And what about Benjamin?"

"Mhh....", you hummed. "Liv and Ben, that sounds nice."

"I seem to be good at choosing my names", Mina said softly and gently bit your earlobe.

"Olivia was my idea too.."

"No way!" You shouted loudly.

"It was my idea! Dont you remember? It was 4 o'clock in the morning when I had the idea of the name and then I woke you up and-"

"The name you woke me up for was Samantha..", Mina interrupted you and you could see in the corner of your eye how she smiled smugly.

You shook your head.

"Samantha was your idea! You-"

The ringing of the doorbell interrupted you.

"That's Liv..", you squeaked excitedly and pressed a quick kiss against her jaw before you jumped up to run quickly out of the living room.

You heard Mina laughing behind you.

"In your condition you should stop jumping around like a monkey."

You just rolled your eyes at her words and opened the front door to greet your daughter beaming with joy.

"Hey baby, how was- What the hell, Liv ??"

You looked confused into the sobbing face of your 8 year old daughter.

"What happened? Are you injured?", You asked desperately and crouched down to examine her for injuries. She was unharmed, thank God.

You brushed the red strands of hair from her tear-stuck face.

"Please talk to me, Liv..No matter what it is, I won't be angry .."

"T-they said our family is not real .." your daughter sobbed.

You frowned.

"What do you mean baby? Who said that?"

"And they say that you are sick, because you are lesbians ..", she continued to cry and you uttered a soft "Oh" when you suddenly understood what she was talking about. You looked sadly into her y / e / c eyes. One of your biggest fears became true.

"First let's go inside .." you mumbled and took the hand of your still crying daughter to go inside with her. In the hallway you took her backpack and jacket to hang on the wardrobe.

"What happened?", Mina asked worried when she limped into the hallway and saw Liv crying.

"Mommy, I don't want you to be sick .." Liv sobbed and ran to Mina to hug her legs. Your wife looked down on Liv in confusion, as she put her hand on her head and stroked her red hair.

"Sick? Baby what are you talking about?" She mumbled, looking desperately at you, who was staring at the child with concern.

"Okay Liv ..", you finally said when you walked over to her and took her hand again to walk into the living room with her. You sat on the sofa and Liv instinctively climbed onto your lap without injuring the baby.

"Can you please explain what's going on here?" Mina hissed after she sat down next to you.

"Liv baby, just tell us everything that happened .." you cooed gently as you started to play with the loose strands of hair, that had fallen out of the hairstyle Mina had done for her that morning.

"Uhm, today we had to introduce the family trees that we made ..", Liv began hesitantly.

"And then?"

Mina still looked confused.

"The others thought it was weird, that I have two mothers and said that we can't be a real family, because I don't have a father. And you can't have children without a father. And they said that you both were sick and going to hell .. But I don't want that!", said Liv excitedly.

For a few seconds you looked down sadly at the child in your lap, who had puffy eyes from crying.

"Oh baby .." you sighed.

"Of course we are a real family..Look!"

You pointed at the photos on the mantelpiece with your fingers outstretched.

"On the photo on the edge you can see me 8 years ago when I was pregnant with you. There's a photo of Mommy and me at our wedding next to it. And here you can feel your little brother ..", you muttered and grabbed her little hands to put them on your stomach.

"Mina and I are so happy together and we love you so much. How could we not be a real family?"

"B-but why did they say you are sick? ", Liv stuttered as she stared down at her hands that were on your stomach.

"Well .. you know, it confuses them, that you have two mothers because they don't know it any other way. Do you remember,  when you slept at Jennys House for the first time and how confused you were when you met father?" You asked and Liv nodded.

"It's the same for them. It's not unusual to have two moms anymore, but having one mom and a dad is still what most people know. You know, there are even children who have two dads and no mom at all and they are a real and happy family too."

Liv looked at you carefully.

"Really?" She asked, and you hummed in agreement.

"The only important thing is, that we all love each other okay?”

You smiled gently at the child in your lap and watched with satisfaction as she nodded.

"Who were the children who said that to you?", Mina suddenly asked and you had to frown when you saw how angry she looked.

"Uhm..Brian and Melinda.." Liv muttered.

"Brian? The ugly one with the glasses?"

"Mina!" You shouted, staring at her reproachfully.

"M'sorry ..", she replied curtly while still staring expectantly at Liv, who nodded shyly.

"Okay then, excuse me for a minute.." Mina mumbled and got up to leave the room.

"What are you doing, honey?" You asked confused  and you looked after her. When your girlfriend didn't answer, you got scared.

"Is everything okay again, Liv?", You looked nervously at your daughter, who nodded in agreement

"Well, do me a favor and go to your room to play, okay?"

Liv jumped off your lap after kissing you on the cheek and ran out of the room and you could go after Mina.

"Mina, honey?" You asked when you came into her workspace and saw Mina with the phone in her hand.

"What's that supposed to be?"

"What does it look like? I'm calling the parents of these kids.." she growled while angrily pressing the buttons on the phone.

"You shouldn't do that .." you said and quickly reached for the phone to take it from her hand. Mina raised her head to you and glared at you.

"Give me the phone, Y / N! It's not fair, that we kept telling Olivia that all people were equal and raised her up that way, just to get some kids to talk her out of it. And besides, imagine Olivia would have asked further questions, because women actually can't have children together, thats a fact. We would have had to explain the whole thing with the sperm donation to her right now, just because a couple of parents couldn't raise their children properly. This is unfair and you know that!", she scolded and clutched her cane tightly in both hands.

"Honey, let me call the children's parents...they are nice people, they will understand..." you tried to appease her and put your hands on hers after you put the phone on your desk.

"They told her, we weren't a real family .." she croaked hurt.

"I know, honey .." you mumbled sadly and rubbed the back of her hands with your thumbs. "But thats are children, they don't know any better ..".

"You know, when I was as old as Liv, I was bullied about my scoliosis. I don't want her to go through the same thing just because of us, her family. I dont want her to end like me.."

You looked confused into her injured eyes, in which tears glittered.

"To end like you, honey? What do you mean?"

"I mean my attitude towards people ..", she growled and looked away from you.

"Oh Mina .." you sighed and put a hand on her cheek to force her gaze back to you.

"In case you haven't noticed yet, Liv is already much more like you than you think.. And by that I mean your positive qualities. Olivia is just as smart as you and has the self-confidence that you have today, but that you didnt have, when you were 8. She can handle it and as long as we don't give her the feeling that something is wrong with our family, everything will be fine.

It will certainly not be the last time that we will be confronted with something like this, especially now when Benjamin arrives soon, but together we can do it.. "

Mina looked at you thoughtfully for a moment before slowly nodding.

"Maybe you're right .." she muttered and you smiled gently at her.

"I'm always right .." you teased her and before she could protest you pulled her close to kiss her.

[greatearthquakestudent]

My Nico Psychological Analysis

I’m interested in psychology, I don’t study but do analysis fictional characters like Nico Kim. Once take you a deeper took Nico’s character, analyzing many serious scenes, you could you have a better understand of this characters 

Nico is a classic Grey’s Anatomy character. I put him in a category for characters who suffer life long of trauma and abuse before Seattle Grace Mercy Death. The others include Jo Wilson, Alex Karev, and Meredith Grey. Characters like Callie Torres, Arizona Robbins, Lexie Grey, Mark Sloan, Amelia Shepherd, the others aren’t in this category because they didn’t suffer life long trauma and abuse. 

Let start the beginning of Nico’s time on the show, to back the episode, season 15 episode 1, With a Wonder and a Wild Desire. When Nico was of the 2 new hot ortho surgeons. The episode where sweet Levi started to fall in love with him. How he got nervous around him. From Joe’s Bar to the odd Ortho case to the kiss the in elevator.

When the poor boy said that was this was his first kiss with a man,  said Nico “ I done my coming out already, I can’t go through this again”. Many people think that this is the same as Ms. Arizona Robbins but Arizona never connected Callie being a newborn lesbian or bisexual to her coming out. This could’ve mean that he came out fairly recently but it didn’t go well. 

Then next, he said this, “ This is exactly what I didn't want, I don’t need the drama, the hurt feeling, the freshly coming out, I don’t need the shame spiral”. Maybe this to could be implied to how he felt himself.  He also said “ Look your sweet, I can’t you guide to of the closet like a gay Sherpa”.  When he said that he can’t guide him out of the closet, this could heavily mean to his parents which he does not have any experience or willingness to do for his.

 Dr. Grey narration are very inspirational. Like where Levi is trying to put in contract, she said this, “we’re afraid of look of not being of tough”. This could mean to Nico too.

 Okay, Nico got mad when Levi didn’t tell his mom but didn’t he never said anything the sounds like push him to come out. Many people understood this said Nico doesn’t want Levi to hidden from his mom. It’s true these thing also depend the type of family you have. When Levi told him his reason Nico understood because the reasons are good.

Just like how Levi collapse when in sight of blood, Nico’s things could two thing could causing patient death like to Josh in one. You could see the fear, the guilt in his eyes. Something like having a nail get stuck in brain, it cause neurological problem. This could mental and emotional problem for Nico.  Dealing with that you he think he’ll okay. The song they delivered the news the Josh’s grandpa, it sang i’m feeling so small, small could mean helpless and weak, something Nico might’ve felt. When  Just like how Levi collapse when in sight of blood, Nico’s could two thing could causing patient death like to Josh. When he could see the fear, the guilt in his eyes. Something like having a nail in brain, it cause neurological problem. This could mental and emotional for Nico. If dealing with that you he think he’ll okay. The song they delivered the news the Josh’s grandpa, it sang i’m so small, small could helpless and weak, something Nico might’ve felt. When told him Levi told him that the saved the dying fire chief life it made how he would react to that. Remembers Levi just surgical intern saved a fire chief life while he, a fellow/attending killed some college student to do the math. 

I don’t Link knows anything about Nico but it seem that Nico needs time to process things. When Helm and Richard made jokes about dude breaking ass, that is funny but remembers that Nico’s did that he doesn’t want to kill patient again. Link mention his attitude it’s there pretty obvious wrong. When was that patient that gain her the ability to move her again everyone was while he lowkey seem  to experience FOMO. When mentioned it to Levi it’s like he never experience the kind of thing his life. Asian including my people, emotionally reserved. While watching that sad movie, he said to your amazing. He finally felt with he wanted to feel. His clearly who strong-spirited told his mom all his own. That cry also guilt being for as strong-spirited as Levi is.

Season 16 has very nice Schmico until the trial. I have this theory reason his was in his phone is because of the text. His parents visit could’ve planned at that point, but since gonna happened later Nico was very loving to Levi. When after his mom house Nico acted little for like off. I would if your parent are coming the boyfriend that they didn’t know. 

When he did told him the truth, the shame spiral doubled he seemed more ashamed now because he didn’t tell him.

He when said his parent are critical, pretty much mean strict, which Nico second thing. That two thing that mention Nico isn’t that egoistical. it’s seem more like trigger effect anything else.

The snowstorm where it all went to hell.  Jo Wilson is kinda of bitch to Levi, Levi tries to patient who could’ve killed someone, and oh yeah, the on-call scene, not a scene to for Nico. Nico just sex doesn’t describe his the depth of his character. Callie also wanted to sex after the plane crash incident while Arizona is still recovering. The family seem to go hell too. People are saying Nico emotion abusing Levi. That talk about like self-worth and if it is emotional how you think Nico would that. Nico probably emotional abuse himself. But he remain somewhat civil even during the break up his words were respectful.

Season 17, he didn’t see much of Nico’s character this season, but had better understand of him. Nico seemed hesitant to talk to Levi. he is always the guilt and fear in him. 

But clearly understood that Levi wasn’t doing well, the closet it was for Levi more and something to him feel better.

The episode things are very awkward, yeah in just blown him, not if he’s proud of that. 

Don’t listen to  Jo she was worst as Nico back in during her domestic abuse drama. Put Jo seem to have impact on Nico. She said might’ve him as in his worth as partner. Seem like he went outside to break things before could get worse. But when Levi made the right decision, seemingly assured the he isn’t a bad partner. 

The day of Deluca’s memorial, Nico said said his go to feelings for things like in numb. Numb means not feeling anything which feel focus habit caused by family or trauma.

Levi changed, we didn’t see much, but how many times have they hooked up? how many time did Levi give a monologue? There could’ve plenty of offscreen character development going. 

When Nico ask Levi move to it’s because he gotten to point Levi made feel comfortable. 

I’m glad Levi chose Nico, he deserves him so much, he deserves ever good and health in life. I hoping Mason Post is gone because having a triangle would break Nico mind and love in million pieces it’s gonna for Levi the get again if  this happened.

[ciggylungz]

Summer bummer pt.2

y/n x harry pairing

summary- y/n and Harry are part of a cast of a reality show called ‘summer bummer’ that’s a uk version of the jersey shore and things are chaotic

pnot proofread, not sure if its any good pt.2

_3.9k words

 Waking up smooshed between a warm body and a hard wooden wall was what Y/n was currently experiencing, but soon the pounding headache and nausea took the front seat in her brain as she let out a low groan shifting in the hold of the man beside her as she sat up rubbing her eyes, mascara from the night before flaking onto her fist getting another irritated groan to bubble in her throat.

“quiet, try’n sleep here” Harry mumbled and turned over as she climbed out of his bed yawning and stumbling to the bathroom, peeing and taking off her messy makeup from the night before, taking a quick shower and going back upstairs to her shared room to change into some comfy shorts and a big sweatshirt pulling the hood over her damp hair to help block the brightness that’s making her head pound like a drum.

Y/n made her way into the confessional room, sitting on the couch in front of the green screen and turning on the camera the producers had there for them to do their periodic self interviews.

“so it’s like noon, I just woke up and I realized ‘holy shit, im in bed with Harry’…” she made a point to tilt her head and widen her eyes at the camera showing her bit of shock at the situation. “I was blackout wasted last night, the last thing I remember was dancing and making out with him so I’m gonna wait till he’s up to ask if we did the deed or not because I don’t remember, god first day in the house and I’m already blacking out.” She paused to laugh at herself a little before continuing, “ugh, we’ll see. My moms gonna kill me when she see this episode_- fuck_”

She sighed as she turned off the camera and went back out into the living room where some of her roommates were, all of them sleepy and hungover chatting to themselves but Y/n raised an eyebrow when she noticed Tommy give her a side eye and stop talking when she walked into the room, the camera men that were in the house filming panning their cameras between the two young adults.

“what? Why are you looking at me like that?” she didn’t waste any time in brining attention to his behavior, not in the mood for the pricks little attitude problem getting a scoff and a snarky little turn of his lips as he waved her off like a dog, and Y/n was having none of it. She stood up straighter, squaring her shoulders and pointing at the man. “Obviously you have a fucking problem so say it, fuck are you acting like a little bitch for? Thought you were a fucking tough guy.” She wasn’t scared of that guy In the slightest, he had the most punch worthy face she’s ever seen and god was he making the urge more prominent with every move of his ugly face.

“shut the fuck up bitch, you talk too fucking much. You talked shit about me at the club last night, probably just mad because I was making out with other girls and not giving your ugly ass any fucking attention you stupid bitch.” He glared at her giving her a disrespectful little smile and every other person in the room was now staring at the pair, engaged and waiting on the edge of their seats for what was gonna happen next.

Y/n couldn’t stop the laugh that came from her mouth, looking at Tommy like he was the stupidest person on the planet, because right now he sure did fit the description. “You’re joking right? I was saying how I felt sorry for those girls because you’re such a piece of shit wanker. You hit on me from the moment I walked in this house and pouty like a fucking baby when I told you to fuck off after dinner, it was on camera you prick. I’m perfectly content having you and your non existent lips far away from me.”

She was annoyed, but also amused. This guy had no fucking clue how much everyone already hated him and she loved it. He stayed silent for a minute and she took the chance to get closer to him pointing her finger right in his face, making eye contact with him, “watch who the fuck you call a bitch around here Tommy because I’ll punch you right in your smug fucking mouth, lets see how much of a tough guy you are when you get your teeth knocked in by a fucking girl.”

At this point Ryan was up off the couch and making his way between the two when he saw both of them getting even more agitated, Tom standing up and Y/n refusing to back down as he tried to intimidate her.

“alright guys, chill out. Drop it, it’s not a big deal don’t fight over stupid shit like this.” Ryan stuck his arm between them Tommy trying to push it away while Y/n started to tie up her hair yelling back and fourth with him as Ryan tried to keep them apart. “what you gonna fucking hit me Tom? Huh? You gonna hit a girl? Makes sense, you’re a pussy and act so tough till you’re throwing a tantrum when you don’t get your way. Gonna go cry to mommy because I didn’t want anything to do with you or your 2 inch dick?”

This comment of course got the reaction she was hoping, his face grew red and his body tensed just making her smirk more. “the fuck did you just say to me?” he was pissed, and Y/n was loving how she got him so mad over her comment, that’s how she knew she struck a nerve because it was definitely true. She even got some laughs from the roommates who were sitting around watching the show. Ryan turned so his left arm and part of his body was between them, looking at Tommy raising an eyebrow at him. “Watch it mate, you’re on thin ice. Lay a hand on a female in this house and you’ll never get to walk this earth again.”

Tommy clenched his jaw flickering his eyes between Ryan and Y/n like an angry child who didn’t get their way, and god was Y/n loving how he’s embarrassing himself and he doesn’t even realize it.

The pair continued to argue back and fourth, him trying to insult her and her pushing his buttons – (because lets face it, he was too damn easy)- and in the midst of it Harry decided to emerge from his room, hair a mess and all sleepy. His tattoos were on full display as his shirtless body started advancing towards the arguing duo. Y/n gasped when Harry pushed her back a bit to get right in Toms face using his large body to completely cover Y/n’s as he looked down at Tommy with stone cold eyes.

“Mate I suggest you fucking keep it moving because I’m not gonna put up with you being disrespectful to anyone in this house, let alone a younger girl who didn’t do anything to you. I won’t let her fight you, but I sure as hell have no problem pounding your face in. Step off before I make you, I promise you that you don’t want that.”

Harry’s tone was serious, his muscles were taunt and flexed as he towered over the other man. Tommy of course tried to play it off and muttered a ‘whatever asshole’ as he sulked off to his room, but everyone in there knew he was almost shitting his pants from how afraid he was of Harry.

Everyone took a second to take everything in before they really spoke. Ryan gave Harry a pat on the back, “Thanks mate, dudes a proper prick. And Y/n, you’re a bad ass fuckin’ girl, that was crazy!” he chuckled and shook his head, plopping down on the couch again as Harry turned to the girl raising and eyebrow as he looked down at her. “try to not get yourself involved in any more trouble, at least until I’ve had some fucking coffee. Was sleeping love, bit rude to wake me up for a brawl.”

Y/n laughed a little and pushed his chest, “Hey! I didn’t wake you up, I could have taken him I didn’t need you to jump in.” she put her hands on her hips and gave him a sassy little face, the man laughing in return. “ ‘m sure you could have, babbled last night about how you’re brothers taught you boxing growing up, but if that kid was to try to fight you I’d go down for a murder charge. Me mum taught me to respect women and women beaters aren’t in my good graces. Now you, miss thang need to keep your ass out of problems.”

Harry gave her the stern bossy eyes and she caved, nodding her head and pouting a little as he went into the kitchen and grabbed himself a Gatorade and some crackers nodding his head to the deck door,           “ ‘cmere rocky, need to talk to you.” Harry teased her with the name, getting laughs from everyone including her as she walked out on the deck with him sitting down on one of the couches as he fed himself.

“need to talk to you about last night.” He mumbled through a mouthful of sports drink getting a nod from Y/n as she tried her best to ignore the camera getting a little too close for comfort. “Wanted to ask you about it too, was waiting till you got up..i’m just gonna ask, did we bang?” she twisted her stray hairs around her pointer finger as she asked, slightly nervous for the answer.

Harry shook his head laughing a little bit to himself. “Nope, told you I wasn’t gonna do anything when you were drunk unless I talked to sober you about it first. Plus, love if we would have fucked you would still feel me. wouldn’t have to ask because your trouble walking would answer that question for you sweetheart.” Harry wore a slight smirk on his lips as he said it, watching the younger girl roll her eyes and lick over her lips. “god you’re such a boy.”

“No, sweetheart. I’m a man, a gentlemen actually. Not like the little boys where you’re from, I’m a grown man love and I’m cocky because I know I have the skills to back it up. Maybe you’ll get lucky to experience that yourself sometimes little girl.”

Y/n was a bit in shock. She was turned on, overwhelmed and a little bit offended by his attitude but god if she wasn’t turned on. “Oh my god. I can’t, guys are too much for me right now. I might have to take up Selena’s offer and become a lesbian over summer because you guys are stressing me out!”

Y/n smacked his arm playfully and Harry grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand to his mouth and kissing her knuckled. “Yea, let’s see how long that lasts since last night you were almost In tears any time I broke the kiss to open the damn door. You’ll be knocking at my door by the end of the week guarantee it.”

“Ok mister confidence, shut up.” Y/n covered her face with her hands to hide her smile and growing blush, both of them just talking about the night before until the camera crew left for a while before they were going to go out that night.

“hey Harry?” Y/n stood in his doorway, calling out his name as he rummaged through his suitcase to find whatever he was looking for. “Whatsup love?” he peered at her for a second to let her know he was listening before going back to what he was doing “about what you said, sober me says if neither of us come home with someone we can fool around a bit, you have my permission. Just know I fully plan on bringing someone home tonight and I already called the spare room. I wanna start my summer off with good booze and an orgasm.”

Harry let out a little snort, pulling the brush he was looking for out of his bag and turning to Y/n, “I’ll keep that in mind, good luck with your plans tonight, I hope you get your wish and don’t end up with some dude who doesn’t know where the clit is.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “Don’t speak that into existence asshole, if he fails me I’ll just do it the old fashion way.” This got the mans attention and his eyes to meet hers, “Old fashion way?” he rubbed his stubbly chin a bit, moving the brush between his right and left hand, “yea, just masturbate in the shower or whatever. I brought some tools that could lend a helping hand in that. I’ll make do.”

Harry had to stop himself from groaning. His mind flashed with images of her in the shower using toys on herself, biting a wash cloth to keep quiet since everyone’s here. He was able to collect himself after a few seconds and give her a playful smile nodding “sounds like a plan love, now get out of here it’s time to get ready.”

__

The music was blaring and the booze running through Y/n’s system made it ten times better, she was dancing- not caring about anything as she danced on this nice looking guy she met and who she decided she was gonna bring back that night and occupy the spare room she’d already called. He was tall, dark hair, tan just a typical good looking guy and the vodka helped make him look more attractive. She just hoped that he could give her what she so desperately needed. A good fucking.

“ ‘cmon, lets go now so we have extra time before my roommates get back, I wanna play.”

Little else was said between the two as they darted out of the club and back to the shared house, clothes coming off quickly as they got up the steps and now she’s panting, groping her tits while the stranger who she can’t remember the name of is tongue deep in her cunt. He’s average at giving head, but she’s desperate and so horny she doesn’t care.

Her hips rock against his mouth as he brings her right to the edge before stopping, Y/n let out a loud protest at this feeling the coil that was forming in her stomach and about to come undone fade.

“what the hell?!” she was pissed, and between her legs was aching at this point from needing attention. “I’m sorry, mouth got tired and I wanna fuck you now..” the man slipped his shirt off while Y/n laid under him, irritated but hopeful his cock can give her the relief she really needs.

But just her luck, it doesn’t. He lasts 5 minutes before he’s cumming into the condom and panting leaving Y/n angry and horribly deprived, and so she wasted no time in kicking him out and storming into her room, grabbing her black vibrator she had brought and marching to the bathroom turning the shower on getting it nice and arm before she stepped in.

__

Y/n had her head resting against the tile as she sat on the shower floor, legs spread and vibrator rubbing up and down her needy slit while her free hand was plunging 2 fingers in and out of herself. She always loved being fingered, but she wishes her fingers were just a bit longer as she worked herself letting herself be loud since no one else was in the house, but she just couldn’t reach the spot she needed to. It was so close yet so far, and she was so upset she was almost close to tears.

She was in the middle of a fit of cursing everyone in existence when a knock on the bathroom door made her jump, her heart almost burst from surprise and now she was wondering how long she’s been in here since her roommates weren’t coming back till at least 6 am.

“Can I come in? it gotta pee” the voice on the other side of the door asked loudly so she could hear them over the water, and when she realized it was Harry she yelled out an agreement, as soon as he opened the door she peaked her head around from behind the curtain to look at him while still shielding her body.

Harry chuckled a little bit and gave her a funny look, “Can I take a leak in private please?”. Y/n groaned and stomped her foot on the shower floor like a child. “Fine! Please pee and then get in the shower with me, I’m so horny it literally hurts and that guy lasted 5 minutes and I swear to god if I don’t get to cum I’m going to cry please!”

Harry stared at her for a moment, letting her words sink in pushing his hair off his face and shrugging. “what do you want me to do love?” he could see just how desperate she was, eyes close to tears, lip stuck between her teeth and he felt both bad for her but also so fucking turned on.

“Anything, please finger me? play with me? please I need it my fingers aren’t long enough and you said you’d play with me, I’m not even that drunk please Harry.”

Y/n didn’t care about the cameras in the hall that were probably picking up the audio, or how desperate and crazy she sounded, she needed his touch.

“Okay..Okay doll relax, let me do what I need to do and then I’ll join you alright?”

Y/n nodded and moved back behind the curtain, she took her original place sitting on the cool tile floor of spacious shower as he went to the bathroom before stripping down to his boxers and pulling the curtain back seeing the younger girl naked, legs spread a bit giving him a glimpse of how swollen and flushed between her legs was letting him know she was probably a bit too rough on herself when she got frustrated, which only made her problem worse.

Her tits sat perky on her chest, her nipples pebbled with water droplets running down over them before dripping off onto her thighs. Harry let out a low groan at the sight, “Have m’ boxers on just because I’m not gonna fuck ya’ , honestly don’t think I even can because I got whiskey dick right now. Need to lay off the booze so I can take care of you properly next time. Cmon, stand up sweetheart.”

Harry held his hand out to the girl who took it, standing on wobbly legs as he stepped in the shower with her, skin tight black boxers covering his goods which disappointed her a bit but she couldn’t care too much since there was so much else going on.

His big hands ran up and down her back, thumbs digging into the dimples right at the base of her spine as he pulled her closer to him, kissing down her neck, mumbling into her skin about how pretty she is, and promising he’s going to make her feel better.

“Pussy is all swollen doll, gotta be careful. Don’t want you to hurt yourself just ‘cause you get frustrated, that’s no fun…” His voice was deep, slow and made her stomach tense from how it vibrated through her getting a whimper and tug on his wet matted locks.

“Talk to me darling..tell me what you want, tell me what you need baby” his fingers were trailing downward, squeezing her ass and brushing his finger tips on the backs on her thighs. “need you to touch me, please put your fingers in me I need it”

Her voice was pathetic and she knew it, she was needy to the highest capacity and almost let a ‘daddy’ slip through her lips but she managed to bite her tongue just in time. Harry hummed as he brough his right hand around her front, moving it between her thighs and coaxing them open wider while he brushed two digits up and down her slit, mouthing at her neck while he gets a feel for her exterior, taking the vibrator from her hand and setting it down on the rack holding their shampoos and soaps while he tapped the pad of his middle finger against her entrance before sinking it in.

Her reaction was immediate. She dropped her head onto his shoulder, a long relieved moan falling from her plush lips as he slipped a second one in with ease from how eager her body was. “Got t’ give me a minute to find tha’ special spot love, deep breaths don’t need ya’ passing out on me.” Harry was on a mission to find that spongey spot inside her that would have her cumming in no time, and Y/n was practically riding his fingers as she stood in his grip, her body going rigid when he pressed against the spot she needed the most attention on, mumbling a low “found it” as he pressed on it again, rubbing over it as he fucked his fingers in and out of the younger girl who was holding onto him for dear life as he massaged her G-spot with vigor.

“There you go, that’s a good girl Y/n you’re doin’ so good love, know you’re close can cum whenever you feel it. Know you need it baby, let go.”

Y/n could barely hear him as her body started to tingle, everything was muffled and her mind was hyper focused on the pleasure pulsing through her core. She was gearing up for a strong one, she hasn’t had one quite this big since the winter when she had a 4 week dry spell and finally got some action the day after Christmas, she soaked through the poor dudes sheets that night.

Her moans and gasps picked up, frequent bursts of pleasured moans passed her lips as she started to pant her nails digging into his tattooed shoulders while her held her to him so she didn’t fall.

“Doing so well, almost there huh? Almost there…” his fingers moved with purpose and unfaltering speed as he massaged her special spot faster, her legs becoming jelly as she started to cum. She couldn’t help the loud moan that shot out of her throat, Harry quickly grabbing the wash cloth and stuffing it in her mouth since he knew Ryan was here. He cooed in the girls ear, talking to her the entire time she was cumming feeling her cunt squeezing his digits while her own juices dribbled down his wrist.

She was dizzy, tired, spent and completely drained. She finally got what she needed and was now dead weight clinging to Harry who peppered her face with kisses as he withdrew his hand from her cunt rinsing her off down there and kissing her lips a few times.

“That was fucking amazing… god Harry you’re gonna make me fall in love with you with fingers like those…”

He only chuckled at her dazed comment before shutting the water off, wrapping the girl in a towel and sitting her down on the counter

“Lucky for you, you have all summer to do so, I might just be up for it too.”

[anestheticrage]

Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit���👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately. 

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 

Yours Truly, 

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight: Shannon McGee

I’m happy to spotlight an author of our future book club read! Shannon McGee who wrote Of Gryphons and Other Monsters and Of Dragon Warrens and Other Traps, talks about what and how much representation affects LGBT people. Read on if you’re interested in just how similarly we all feel when turning to specific representation in media.

How Representation Affected My Coming Out Process

Growing up I was shy. I had a very tight relationship with my family, but I wasn’t great at talking with people outside of it. I even went through a few years where I was That Kid™ who had a stack of books on either side of her desk and didn’t talk to anyone. As I was trying to find myself, I had an almost gluttonous attitude towards books. Books helped me understand not only other people, but also myself. They gave me the courage to form real connections by showing me the ways in which we’re all alike.

I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up in a time with a surplus of kick-butt females in books—not to mention television. Those books gave me role models who were loving, smart, funny, reserved, and strong. Lady knights and California mediators alike showed me that there were all kinds of ways to be a woman and that none of them detracted from my potential bad-assery.

However, there was one aspect of myself that I could never seem to find represented in the way I desperately wanted. My books never seemed to show me how to fall in love with a girl and not have that be my whole life. With the Amazon.com nowhere near the comprehensive powerhouse that we know and love/hate today, and Barnes and Nobles’ “LGBT” section consisting of one shelf of books tucked in next to the “Self-Help,” section, my choices in queer books always seemed to boil down to teenage depression or adult pornography. It was discomfiting, to say the least.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that there’s no place in the world for those stories. Normalizing sexuality between women gets a big A+ from me. As an adult who has become fully comfortable with myself, I’ve read my fair share of romance novels. I can also see the necessity writing about girls who come out and are subsequently thrown out by their family. Stories about girls who profess their love to a friend and get rejected are relatable as all get out.

Some people really need to read those stories. They need to read that yes the sexual aspect of their sexuality is valid, and also yes finding love when you’re not straight can be hard and the pain of rejection feels unbearable and that’s all normal too.

As an unemployed teenager who wasn’t “out” yet, romance books were not an option. Even if I had wanted to read adult romance novels, (which I didn’t, gay or straight) I wasn’t about to ask my mom to buy me a book where two women were having sex—heck no. And I definitely wasn’t interested in a book which was basically designed to make me cry. Pass.

As someone who used books to help me see the heights of what was possible, what I gathered from this selection of books was that loving women was either raunchy—not my bag—or… survivable. Which was bleak. It made the idea of coming out even more nerve-wracking. Especially since I had so little to go off of! What if I came out, and then realized I was wrong? All signs pointed to the fact that there was only one way to know for sure and whether I was or wasn’t the consequences would be huge and terrible.

As a lover of all things fantasy, what I really wanted to read was the hero’s journey. I wanted wise-cracking knights, gruesome but manageable dragons, and a hero defying the odds. I wanted action-packed fight scenes, and romantic professions of love with maybe some tasteful fade-to-black moments all wrapped up in a happy ending. I wanted all the things the other books promised me was possible as a straight girl. I just wanted the girl protagonist to fall in love with another woman by the end of the series. I wanted to know that was possible.

For a long time, I just gave up looking for that kind of content. It was too hard to root out. Instead, I put a pin into that aspect of myself. It wasn’t exactly something people talked about, it wasn’t something I could try out without hugely terrible consequences, and I couldn’t read about it to get a better idea of if those consequences were worth it, so I just had to resign myself to never knowing.

I dated boys. When I didn’t want to kiss my first or second boyfriend I remember thinking, "Well this could mean anything.” I mean I could do it, there were just other things we could be doing besides stupid kissing. True, that wasn’t how the girls in the books felt about kissing their boyfriends, but maybe longing was something I would

grow into. Not wanting to hold my boyfriend’s hand or spend… any time with him… That didn’t have to mean anything.

Then, sophomore year of high school I kissed a girl at a party. We’d been drunk. Had that meant something? I still wasn’t sure. I took the pin out, and I went looking again.

By that time, the landscape of the internet was changing. Fantastic advancements had been made. Communities had formed. Lists of resources were being compiled. Fanfiction had roared into life. Tumblr? Click. Click. Wooh boy! I saw myself all over the place. For the first time I began reading my own thoughts coming from someone else’s brain. A stranger described the way my insides rolled when the girl with the short brown hair looked up and smiled at me. They talked about how falling in love with her didn’t hurt, and how it felt like warm sunlight in my chest. They wrote about suddenly understanding why people were so ga-ga over kissing, when it never meant anything before.

It meant something, and it didn’t have to mean something bad. Over the next four years I came out.

These days I have a “Battleaxe Bi” pin attached to a string of rainbow crystals that hang from the rearview mirror in my car. However, to start, my coming out was slow, and to only a select group of people. Don’t ask don’t tell culture was still really prevalent, and in a lot of ways it was how I lived my life.

I have a lot of thoughts on what it means to be a writer who is also a part of the LGBTQA+ community. For me, part of being a writer means being vulnerable. It means taking out some of your more personal hopes and dreams and sharing them to see if anyone else can relate. Growing up without seeing a lot of my own feelings represented, I understand fairly acutely why that vulnerability is important.

With that in mind, I’d been writing for years by the time I came to Taryn’s story, and it was normal for me to write my characters with my shared experience of being queer. It was basically a given. Whether they were fluid, bi, or a lesbian, if I was going to write a character she was going to like women in some way.

Still, when I came to the decision that I would be publishing this story, I had a few concerns. I think a lot of them boiled down to that old anxiety that my experiences were… well… abnormal. I mean, I still wasn’t finding many queer books at the bookstore. And what if it was worse? What if who I was truly was hate-worthy?

By 2015 seeing queer characters was becoming mainstream, and that filled me with joy, but I had also seen the backlash. Videos on Youtube of Naomi and Emily on Skins and Brittany and Santana on Glee had just as many negative comments as positive. Over the course of my life, among other things, I’d witnessed a girl I only knew in passing get kicked out when she came out, and I’d seen a friend’s grandmother harangue her on Facebook, saying she was going to Hell.

As someone who generally flew below the radar, I was afraid of being targeted and rejected.

I didn’t even advertise “Of Gryphons and Other Monsters” as a queer book before it came out, except in specific places online and to specific family members. It’s funny. Even though at its core I wanted my writing to show Taryn being a lesbian didn’t make her different I also desperately wanted readers to have a chance to get to know Taryn before finding out she was gay. I didn’t want either of us to be pigeon-holed.

Sometimes I joke that I basically used “Of Gryphons and Other Monsters” to come out to my extended family. I didn’t tell basically any of them who she was going to fall in love with. I just let them read the book and find out. They didn’t care. Turns out, it wasn’t a big deal to them, not like it was to me.

Once “Of Gryphons and Other Monsters” was out in the world though I finally let those fears go. Reviews came in and people reached out and said they loved her. I realized that I’d been acting out of a fear that was built into me in a different time. A fear based in sensibilities that we’re moving away from at a wonderfully brisk pace. Never fast enough, but faster than I can believe sometimes.

After that realization I felt way more comfortable marketing “Of Gryphons and Other Monsters,” and “Of Dragon Warrens and Other Traps,” as exactly what they were: Queer YA Fantasy. The response was immediate. My sales sky-rocketed. Turns out, in couching who Taryn was, not only was I doing myself a disservice, but I was also doing a disserve to everyone else out there who was looking for that same validation I sought as a teenager.

I know we’re not there yet, but I truly believe that we are rapidly approaching a time when that specific kind of loneliness and isolation of being a kid and not seeing your love portrayed—anywhere at worst, or as lewd or depressing at best—is vanishing. Already Garnet, Korrasami, and Bubbline are on my television—cartoon characters meant for kids, not adult character co-opted for lack of better options. My Goodreads “Want to Read” section is brimming with books starring queer ladies. The storylines available today are an ever broadening and deepening river that I get to swim in the rest of my life, and it’s only going to get better.

If you’re reading this and you’re a writer who wonders if people really want to read that gay fantasy book you’ve been writing… there are a lot of us out here, and we are always ravenous for more content. Please write. Please share. We are interested.

(As a side note: I wrote the first rough draft of this blog post before looking over past Author Spotlights and I almost laughed out loud at the common theme in our writing—we don’t want our sexuality to be the defining characteristic of our books. It’s important and in some ways it shaped me into who I am, but to quote Cosima of Orphan Black, “My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.”)

You can find Shannon on:  Twitter @WriterSTMcgee - Instagram @aquanaba - Facebook at facebook.com/shannontaylormcgee - website   shannontmcgee.com

[marvelreadingstan]

Why “straight pride” is pure bullshit

I am a fifteen-year-old, straight, Latin American girl with a close-minded family —my father and most of his family are of an older generation, which makes them less tolerant towards the LGBT+ community.

Yesterday, I was in my aunt’s house (she’s 70-something) with my father (he’s in the middle of his sixties) and another woman who is around her fifties. My dad was checking his phone when he suddenly started laughing. The following is a rough translation of what I remember he said:

“When I was born, homosexuality was illegal, then it was tolerated but hidden, then tolerated openly and now it has its own movement... I just hope I die before it becomes mandatory”

I was literally speechless. Had he been really laughing at that? A few seconds later, I found my answer: the three adults in the room were laughing almost hysterically. All I could do was look at them, disappointed, and not laugh even the smallest bit. They didn’t notice. (Note that I’m a teenager and in my culture, if I spoke back to them, I’d be punished severely for that, and they’d also assume I’m lesbian. Do you have any idea of how my aunts would react to that lie? I’d probably be sent to a psychologist just for that).

That is only inside my family. Two of my friends have declared themselves “lesbophobic��; they claim to love gay guys but “are afraid” that a lesbian will fall in love with them (with that attitude, I doubt anybody would). A girl in my classroom came out as bi to all of us, having had a girlfriend in secret for almost a year, and my friends were “afraid” of her; another girl had my interaction with the bi one forbidden by her mom.

Are you really telling me we NEED a straight pride parade? After all of this I’ve just shown you? Us heterosexuals have never been embarrassed, judged or discriminated that way (of course, there are some exceptions to this; I’ve also seen stories of how homosexuals have been hateful towards heterosexuals, accusing them of homophobes just for not liking the same gender, but it’s not even close to what EVERY homo hasto live EVERY DAY). We don’t need a parade because that is the homosexuals way of protest, and we have nothing to protest for. So shut the hell up and let people live pride month in peace.

[sprnklersplashes]

True Love, School Dances and Parents

Emma notices that Maia is hiding something from her, and it's pretty big. Set in the same universe as In The Moment We're Lost and Found but can be read alone.

“Maia,” Emma called from the kitchen, the fridge door half open as she studied the brightly coloured calendar they had stuck onto it, appointments and events written on in Killian’s writing. “Isn’t your school dance on Friday?”

“Hm?” Maia asked, looking up from where she reclined on the couch and removing one headphone. Emma sighed, remembering Henry being in an almost identical position. Her kids may have a twenty year gap, but it seemed that teenagers were teenagers no matter what decade you were in. “Sorry Mom, what were you saying?”

“Your school dance,” Emma repeated, crossing over to the couch. Maia shifted her legs, allowing her mother to sit next to her. “It’s this Friday. I mean do you have a dress?”

“Oh, that.” Maia wound the cord of her headphones around her fingers. “I don’t know if I’m going.”

“You’re not going?” Emma echoed. “Maia you were so excited when you first brought that flyer home. It’s your first high school dance, you wouldn’t stop talking about it. Now suddenly you don’t want to go?”

“School dances are lame,” she sighed.

“Language,” Emma chided, but there was still warmth in her voice. “What’s so lame about them, I would have killed to go to a school dance when I was your age.”

“It’s stupid,” she said. “Just dancing in a dumb high school gym with teachers watching to songs no-one has listened to in decades.” Emma shook her head. She could read people and she could read her daughter better than almost anyone. This wasn’t just thinking the idea of a dance was stupid. There was something Maia wasn’t telling her. She could practically see it sitting on her chest, pressing down in her and restricting her.

“Hello, my loves,” Killian sang as he came in. “Swan, the store was out of the crunchy peanut butter, so I picked up the smooth instead.” He stopped when he saw the scene in his living room, his daughter almost scowling on the couch while his wife was next to her, searching for an answer. She almost looked like she was interrogating a criminal down at the station. “What’s going on?”

“Maia suddenly decided that she doesn’t want to go to her school dance,” Emma explained.

“Really? Maia, I thought you were excited for your dance,” he said, frowning slightly at her.

“Well I was, and now I’m not,” she said sharply. “Can we please drop it now?”

“I’d ask you to watch your tone, young lady,” Killian told her. Maia rolled her eyes. “Or watch your attitude altogether.”

“Why the hell should it matter whether or not I want to go to some stupid dance?” she asked.

“Hey, watch your language,” Emma said, more force behind her words. “It matters because I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“God can you two just get off my back already?” Maia snapped. “You two love the dance so much, go yourselves!”

Before either of her parents could react, Maia poofed herself up to her room.

Later, after a long rant from Emma followed by a back massage from Killian, Emma worked up the nerve to go up to Maia’s room. Maia used magic to open the door and Emma winced, feeling hostility before she even entered the room. When Emma walked in she saw Maia curled on her bed, facing the wall, making out the faint sound of her crying, which did not work well for her strict parent demeanour.

“Maia, we have talked about this. Don’t you ever use magic to just leave a conversation you don’t want to be in, got it?” Maia gave a nod but didn’t turn around. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Maia sat up and turned to face Emma. Her eyes were red and a few dried tears were on her face.

“Mom I’m sorry,” she sobbed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “I am.”

“I know, baby,” Emma sighed, sitting next to her on the bed. “I can tell when people are lying. Now why don’t you tell me what’s really upsetting you?”

“I can’t,” she mumbled. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“You realise I once had to stab your dad in the gut with a huge sword, right?” Maia chuckled. “You can tell me.”

“It’s….. it’s you and Dad,” she admitted. “And Grandma and Grandpa, and Henry and Ella. It’s Aunt Anna and Uncle Kristoff, it’s Aunt Ella and Uncle Thomas.”

“Okay, I’m not following, kid,” she said. “Can you elaborate please?”

“I was raised on all these great fairytale romances,” she explained. “And every one of them, most of them, end up with the guy and the girl living happily ever after. The only ones that don’t are Aunt Red and Aunt Dorothy and Robin and Alice.”

Emma felt the realisation hit her square in the chest. How could she not have noticed? Fourteen years, raising her, talking to her, loving her and she never worked it out. Did Maia just hide it well or was Emma so blind? What kind of mother was she?

“Maia,” she said softly. “Maia are you….”

“I think I want my happy ending….” Maia took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. Emma grabbed her hand and linked her fingers with her daughter’s.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s fine.”

“I think I want my happy ending to be with a girl,” she admitted, opening her eyes sheepishly.

Emma could see the weight it took off Maia. It was like someone had a rope tied tightly around her chest and now she was finally free. She pulled her into a tight hug, running her hand over and over her curls. She remembered when Maia was a toddler and her mother had commented that with hair like hers, Maia would be turning all the boy’s heads. She held her closer, listening to the soft, quick breaths of her daughter.

“Sweetie, I am so sorry that I couldn’t have made it easier for you,” she whispered.

“It’s okay, you couldn’t have known,” Maia replied. “I’m just glad I told you.”

“Yeah.” Emma broke the hug but slung an arm around her instead, letting Maia rest her head on her shoulder. She ran her finger down Maia’s red cheek and along her chin. “Hey, you know what?”

“What?”

“Did I ever tell you who my first kiss was?” Maia shook her head against Emma’s shoulder. “My friend Lily.”

“No way!” Maia gasped, turning to look at Emma. “You like girls?”

“Yep,” Emma laughed. “I mean I’ve always liked girls. And even though I married your dad and I love him, I had some relationships with girls. Do you think if I had told you it would have made all this easier?”

“I don’t know,” Maia answered. “Maybe? But at the same time, it’s not like you had to tell me.”

“I know, kid,” she said before kissing her head. “So about the dance….”

“It’s just, everyone in my class was talking about asking boys, and asking me which boy I was going to dance with. And then I thought being there, ending up dancing with a boy and watching……” Maia bit her tongue. Emma’s eyebrows nearly shot through the ceiling when she put two and two together.

“Watching……” she teased.

“Mom, even if it was a boy I would not tell you who I’m crushing on, if I am crushing on anyone at all,” she said.

“Okay,” she said. “But the idea of not being able to ask…. This girl to the dance, it hurt?”

“Yea,” she sighed. “A lot.”

“I get you, baby,” Emma said. Emma nuzzled into Maia’s wild curls

“Mom? Should we tell Dad?” Maia asked.

“Only if you want to,” she said.

“I do.”

They went into the kitchen hand in hand, Maia drawing on her mother’s strength. Killian was sitting at the kitchen table flipping through a novel when they came in. He looked up as they entered, still slightly unsure of Maia.

“She’s curbed the attitude,” Emma said, squeezing her shoulders. At that Killian managed to relax, managing a smile at his kid.

“Dad I have to tell you something,” Maia said. He frowned, confused and a tad nervous.

“What is it, darling?” he asked. Maia swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath.

“I’m a lesbian,” she confessed hurriedly, her nails digging into Emma’s palm,. There was no confusion or shock on his face, perhaps he just managed to hide it well. Instead he smiled, moved over and wrapped Maia in a hug. She buried her face in his shirt, letting the fabric soak up the tears that leaked out. “So, you’re okay with it?”

“I’d be a sorry excuse for a parent if I wasn’t,” he chuckled. “And it would be rather hypocritical, given I have had my fair share of experiences with men.”

“Seriously?” she laughed as she pulled away. “Both of you are bi?”

“In the terminology of this realm, I prefer pansexual,” he said, his eyes twinkling.

“Is being not-straight genetic?” Maia asked, wrinkling her nose. “I mean is Henry bi too?” Emma laughed and put her arm around her, kissing her temple lightly.

“I’m just glad you’re finally open with us, kid,” she said. “And now that you are, you still have to make a decision about that dance.”

“Mom!” Maia laughed, rolling her eyes. “Seriously?” She thought it over, thinking about watching the girl she liked dancing with a boy. But she also thought about the fun she’d miss out on if she didn’t go. “I want to go.”

“That’s great, love,” Killian said. “We’ll pick you out a really special dress.”

“Actually,” Maia said, deciding to take another chance. “Maybe I could go in a suit?”

“You got it, kid,” Emma chuckled. “Tomorrow after work, you, me and your dad can go out and we’ll get the sharpest looking suit money can buy.”

“I love you guys,” Maia said, not caring how sappy she may have sounded. Emma kissed her head again, rubbing her nose against the soft ginger curls.

“We love you too, my darling,” Killian said.

[flcwerstudies]

cute tag!

pretty long post coming up!! Thanks to @cafedetude for tagging me!! im tagging: @hermiionegrcnger​ @studying-frenzy​ @belledoe​ @tiny-notes​ @theteadesk​ !! You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to ofc and if u want to do it and i haven’t tagged you go ahead!! 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? there must always be more milk than cereal, but that amount must not exceed a certain amount do you get me? when i scoop my cereal there has to be proportionate amounts of milk in each scoop, consistently, until i have finished my bowl. my mind is a strange and lonely place. 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yes! its so refreshing and i feel like all your lethargy just evaporates... i love taking walks in the winter around my neighborhood in the evenings.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? spoons, lipsticks, i once used another book to bookmark a book, hair elastic, my contact lenses case, compact mirror....im a mess, i know 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea: scalding hot with lots of sugar and some milk. coffee: lots of milk, so much sugar 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no? i just want my braces off!!

6: do you keep plants? yess

7: do you name your plants? yes! i am currently growing two wild roses and I’ve named them Calliope and Polymnia. 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? journaling, writing, reenacting musicals and dramatic renditions of songs? 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yeah ofccc it keeps me sane 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? back and side 

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? CAROL THE LESBIAN LIBRARIAN // mary walks by // too many to list here tbh 

12: what’s your favorite planet? mars! and also venus 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my friends 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? a hurricane flew thru the entire place, empty wine bottles on the ground, beanbag chairs, stacks of books and movies, maybe a cat and a dog lazing around on the couch 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there’s a gigantic cloud of alcohol wayyyyy out in outer space that could produce over 450 trillion pints of beer 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? give me all the pasta. i love all pastas. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? im ok with my hair color now 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. GETTING A CAPUCHIN MONKEY AS MY PATRONUS ON POTTERMORE

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yes! i rant a lot and i sort of write down reflections? on my day and things. its really emo and angsty lmao im 16 pls 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes. so gentle. so sharp. so kind but so cruel. so ambiguous! 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my tote bag from myanmar! the straps are falling off but i love it so much 

22: are you a morning person? depends on if i slept early enough 

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, watch a movie, watch youtube, read 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? absolutely not. it always pisses me off when people are like ohhh you can tell me anything??? no i can’t???? 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? my friend’s house lmao 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my peach converse! they’re so pastel and they seem weird but converse generally go well with a lot of things 

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don’t like gum tbh 

28: sunrise or sunset? both 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? sticks his tongue out when he’s concentrating and its so cute i die everytime 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes but i will never ever go into detail with anyone about this lmao 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i love socks, i like wearing weird socks except for toe socks, people who sleep with socks on are Immune to Heat and Not Afraid Of Dying?? no white socks get nasty real quick and they’re so bland, i love socks i have this grey pair with french bulldog faces allllll over it and i wear them all the time and even though people can’t see them i still get happy and tell people about my dog socks. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. HA LMAO we had just watched a scary movie so obviously we turned on my little pony and watched that for two hours 

33: what’s your fave pastry? cupcakes! anything tbh i have an enormous sweet tooth 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? my dad used to go on a lot of business trips and he came back once with a huge stuffed bear from switzerland and its so fuzzy its still on my bed. it’s name is Fred and it wears overalls and it has brown fur! 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes to all!!

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? paul anka lmao he’s not a band but ya know 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38: tell us about your pet peeves! wHEN UR JAMMING OUT TO MUSIC AND THEN SPOTIFY JUST STOPS WORKING?? people asking me if im mad when im just being quiet and then making me mad by continually questionning me, people who will ask dumb questions (yes, there are always dumb questions. google is free and im not going to tell u the homework, it’s written on the board quite clearly u moron), racist/homophobic/ableist/ generally offensive and disrespectful people 

39: what color do you wear the most? grey and navy 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have mismatching earrings that my grandmother got me for my birthday! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis! 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks on center street it’s very Starbucks, exactly what you would expect, but I always sit in the corner spot near the windows 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My family! 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? sitting in the sand in shell key, florida. my feet are in the water and i am watching my family swimming. I am very sunburnt but my mind is completely blank in a good way 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? absolutely 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. ofc they used a baby lion as their mascot. it’s simba-lic. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? there’s this food in korea that’s just stir fried rice with soybean sprouts and the sprouts..... aw god....they refuse to be bitten in half and it’s so gross i hate it sm 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? darkness! and no it is different today!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? there are scarce places to buy CD’s now but the last one I bought was Micheal Jackson’s Bad 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bottle caps and paperclips and also pens i pick off the ground 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? my dad. any aretha franklin song 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the spongebob one and the gif of the white man who blinks a lot....u know the one 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i loved all of them and i want to be able to quote them in all of my speech but i dont think people have watched all of them 

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?  i was working on homework last night and when i was turning on my laptop to work on my project i met my reflection in the screen 

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? been incredibly bitchy like damn.....i surprise myself and i really hate it 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when people use weird shit as bookmarks, when they laugh with their eyes shut, laugh lines near their eyes, dimples, kindness, when they aren’t afraid of making eye contact with me bc i have weirdly intense eyes  

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it did not fit the mood of my day but yes i did reenact the lyrics 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my friend diana is the wine mom but i am the vodka aunt. why?? she is infinitely more caring and kind and sophisticated and also wine gets u lowkey, calm drunk, while i, the vodka aunt, am caring, but i have a bit of a laissez faire attitude and go with the flow and ‘damn what the hell fuck it’ kinda vibe and vodka gets u sloppy shitfaced drunk with none of the sophistication that comes with wine. 

59: what’s your favorite myth? icarus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i dont LOVE poetry but i like haikus they’re like clever one liners ha 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave my friend a notebook that i’d hastily made the night before and I have received a box of pads which in retrospect is not even a stupid present bc pads are expensive 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? i drink oj when i can 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i organize them every month bc i am ridiculous and i can’t function if my bookshelf is weirdly organized 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale grey almost white.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? my oldest group of friends (TNT lmaoooo) OR YOU KNOW callixtus from volunteering holyyy. you know those people who u meet and u immediately click with?? he’s on of them magical people and he was hella funny too i miss that guy to all hell 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? small roses! peach blossoms and cherry blossoms too. one huge ass hibiscus or lotus flower as a statement piece 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? cozy and sheltered. valid excuse for not going out 

68: what’s winter like where you live? terrible but i love it kinda 

69: what are your favorite board games? monopoly 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? NO WHAT 

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? barley, green or reallllyyyy black tea with loootss of sugar so that it makes your teeth ache 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah how’d you know 

73: what are some of your worst habits? expecting everyone to be on the same page 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. dedicated and brash, loud and hilarious, soft, amazing, i love them a lot 

75: tell us about your pets! i dont have pets!! T-T  

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? studying BUT DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS OK

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub sorry 

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? done my makeup for me while gossiping with me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? pale green and yeah i did. i chose it bc i love green! and the old color was boring and i didn’t like it  

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no edges at all, soft bovine eyes , shaking leaves, crocodile tears 

82: are/were you good in school? yes! it’s a source of a lot of pride for me! 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? amsterdam by nothing but thieves omg 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? oohh nahh im not planning on getting tattoos im scared of needles 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? through the woods? i used to read a lot of them but you know i grew out of them 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? not especially no 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the drop, double indemnity, back to the future, idk there’s a lot 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? the rennaissance! it was so extra and i loved it a lot 

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. TORONTO-soaring skyline from the highways at night near the lakeshore, the lights from the condos are like stars and its ridiculous but i also loooooveee dubrovnik in croatia and hanoi in vietnam and kaunas in lithuania and kyoto in japan.....in dubrovnik the wind blows in from the shore and at night when the lights are on in the walled city the stone glows amber. In Hanoi in the old quarter, motorbikes flash by and there’s yelling and the smell of pork skewers and there’s old buildings and new ones, huge stalks of bamboo leaning up against the walls. In Kaunas the wind is so cold and sharp and the buildings are so clean and there’s that old fortress and the tower! it’s so beautiful. and Kyoto is old and archaic but so modern it hurts and the streets are too uniform and the houses creep me out a bit bc they’re so quiet. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? i dont think so 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i will bury my pasta in cheese just you watch 

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair is one style fits all bc its short 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study and work on projects and homework and stress and nap and have dinner with a guest 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? no updates. we die like men. 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? isfj-t, aries, ravenclaw 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? sometime in september? it was nice! 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. put your head on my shoulder by paul anka....there’s a lot and im really lazy sorry 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the future, just to see where I end up 

[swiftiequeenbae]

goodbye pll

as soon as i read the first sentence of the first pll book, i was hooked. i was 11 years old and attending a small montessori school in which ‘gay’ was probably the biggest insult, coming just ahead of ‘girly’. the word ‘gay’, to me, was synonymous with nerd and geek and uncool and wrong. the word ‘lesbian’ described a girl with short hair who i wouldn’t want to be alone with.

yet as i read that first pll book on my mother’s ipad on the couch while in paris, coincidentally, i read and re-read each one of emily and maya’s scenes together. for some reason that i couldn’t quite put my finger on, their friendship was fascinating to me. it made me feel something i had never felt before, even though i still thought of emily fields as the gay one, the weird one, the one that i didn’t want to be like. but deep down, part of me was intrigued.

i read almost the entire first pll book on a train ride from paris to berlin. i hid it from my mom as i read it on the large ipad from 2010, knowing that she wouldn’t let me read it because i was too young. and when i finished the book, i couldn’t read the next one because it cost money i knew she wouldn’t let me spend. so when we got to the hotel room in berlin, i started pretty little liars on netflix and became overwhelmingly hooked.

i became immediately infatuated with alison dilaurentis. she was everything i wanted to be. she was beautiful and popular and those were the only two things i wanted to be at age 11, and on some naive level, those are still the most important things to me now. but the difference is that now, i realize my fault in thinking that way. in a way, i heavily relate to alison’s journey from closeted bitch to accepting herself and becoming a much happier and more free person. even thought her transformation took almost a decade, mine took about two years. yet i have no doubt in my heart that if i hadn’t idolized alison so much, i wouldn’t have wanted to change with her. i wouldn’t have felt compelled to explore the side of me that i never thought about, the side that loved girls. alison dilaurentis is a character i will always keep close to my heart, and i can’t thank sasha pieterse enough for portraying her.

the other pll character who has influenced me greatly is emily fields. emily’s coming out storyline is still one that resonates with me deeply. when i came out as bisexual and my mother told me she didn’t believe me, i thought of emily as i cried later that night. and when i told her i was really a lesbian, and she again, didn’t believe me, i felt even more connected to emily. my mother wasn’t as bigoted as pam fields, she just didn’t expect her daughter to be gay; she didn’t think it would happen to her. now, two years after coming out as bi, over a year after coming out as a lesbian, my mom accepts that i am a lesbian, just as pam fields accepts emily.

emison drew me in from the first moment. they were my first otp, back when i was 11. i remember watching 5x05 and then rewatching 5x05, obsessing over their kiss. i wanted to be one of them, although i wasn’t sure which. maybe both. i fell in love with the loyal way emily loved alison and the silent way ali loved her back. i made my tumblr dedicated to emison at age 12, and now, 14 and three tumblr accounts and about 7 url’s later, my tumblr is still about emison. emison has opened me up to myself but if i talk any more about that i think i’ll just be repeating myself over and over again.

but maybe the most important thing pll has given me is emer. she has become one of my best friends. she is so funny and always there when i need to forget about bad things happening in my life. she’s beautiful and her accent is adorable. i’m so grateful that pretty little liars, and more specifically, emison, have given me the opportunity to meet someone as amazing as emer. i’m so happy the universe led me to meeting her.

the cast of pretty little liars is what i’ll miss the most. shay, sasha, lucy, troian, and ashley have been huge influences in my life. their friendship is perhaps even stronger than it is in their show. i’ve loved watching them grow as individuals and as a group. the fact that they & janel got matching tattoos is a perfect example of their love for one another.

although i dislike the characted hanna marin, ashley’s mix of humor and cockiness can always brighten my day. her love for every person in her life is obvious in everything that she does. i saw a completely different side of her on the day pll wrapped. watching her snapchats of her and the girls sobbing proved to me just how emotional and caring ashley is. i will miss hearing her laugh along with lucy about their myspace days and watching her go on amazing outings and even vacations with shay. i will miss her sarcastic banter with troian and her adorable mentorship of sasha. although i will still see her with other people, it won’t be the same.

aria montgomery has always been a boring character to me, but lucy is far from boring. she is sweet and so gorgeous, as if someone took a doll off of the pll set and brought it to life with pixie dust. her laugh is adorable and her smile always seems genuine. she is a very well rounded, loving, and grounded individual. she is independent but also draws strength from the people around her. i will miss her sweet bond and cute height difference with shay and her loving and cuddly attitude with troian. her bond with sasha is what i might miss most of all. i wish i could listen to her laugh for all of eternity.

i fell in love with alison dilaurentis and falling in love with sasha came close after. she is insanely talented and always has been, even at the age of 12. she is mature yet also fun and bubbly, allowing her to make strong friendships with people who are nearly a decade or more older than her. she has remained warm, kind and caring, even though she rose to fame during middle school. she has faced so much stupid hate from people who don’t even deserve the calories she burns typing out a response to their hate. she shouldn’t have to explain her weight, yet she does. i will miss her sister like bond with troian, which is amazing, considering their age difference. but what i will miss the most is sasha’s interactions with shay. their constant joking and closeness, as well as how comfortable they are with each other, makes my heart happy. sasha has a beautiful soul. and everyone who comes into contact with her can see it.

spencer hastings and troian are very similar, but i have to say i prefer troian. she is so smart and worldly, sharing her thoughts on politics and social justice not for attention, but because it’s what she believes is right. her passion for our earth makes me want to be more of an activist for our planet. i remember when she was heavily advocating to save honeybees. it deeply inspired me and resonated with me on a completely unexpected level. troian is passionate about her work and she is the best actress on pretty little liars. i can’t wait to see where she goes from here. she deserved a better show with better writing, but she did the best she ever possibly could with what she was given. she is only going to grow as an actor and a director. i will miss her protectiveness over all of the girls, as well as her light teasing of them. i will always love and support troian.

emily fields grew on me after i became infatuated with the goddess that is shay mitchell. she is charismatic and gorgeous, kind and loyal, and a natural born leader. she has come so far from where she began, and although pretty little liars is the reason for it, i know that she would have rose to fame even if she hadn’t been cast as emily fields. her support for the lgbt community and her passion for portraying emily fields is inspiring and admirable. not to mention that she is insanely, crazily, immensely beautiful and one of the sexiest women i’ve ever seen. she was one of the first girls i was ever comfortable with my attraction to, and that means something to me. she was my first girl crush that i fully accepted and came to terms with. she has helped me so much with accepting who i am, even without being a lesbian herself. i will miss watching her joke around with troian and the whole cast. she is one of my favorite parts of pretty little liars, and i will always be thankful for her.

pretty little liars WAS my entire middle school “career”. pretty little liars showed me who i am. pretty little liars introduced me to new people and new ideas. i can't thank the cast and crew of the show enough. also, sara shepard, i’m forever in debt to you for creating the universe of pretty little liars. emer, i hope you and i can scream about gay ships for years to come.

as i go into high school, it seems fitting that that pll is ending. that it has ended. my three years of middle school and my three years of pretty little liars are always going to be synonymous in my memory.

goodbye, pretty little liars. i will remember you as the best part of middle school. you were always there for me. hell, i even had a girl go down on me for the first time while an episode from season 3 was playing on the computer next to me.

goodbye, emison. thank you for allowing me to get close with emer. thank you for urging me to delve into the feelings in my head. thank you for making me feel like i belong, because i do. thank you. 

i feel like there is something else i should say, but i don’t know what it is. 

- sophie

[cbshadowkat]

Reasons Seven

It's finally your turn, Sierra. And I don't even know where to begin. You were the new kid in eighth grade. I was still a lousy student and for shits and giggles I sat beside in history class one morning. Introduced myself. And then completely ignored you while I tried to hide from the teacher. Another student leaned back in her chair to pass you a note. All attitude and no tact, she gave me a disdainful look and waited for you to respond. Imagine my surprise when you told her "I can decide my friends for myself, thank you." And in the most polite and sincerely innocent way possible. In my defense. And then we both laughed when she fell out of her chair later and smacked her head on the table. Which unfortunately drew attention to me right behind her and the teacher me made me return to my assigned seat. We exchanged smiles, mine mischievous and yours amused. So began an exciting friendship. While you learned more and more about me from those who weren't me, you trusted me more as time went on. You always stood up for me and never let anyone dissuade you from our friendship. As much as I hate it, you even took pity on me and tried to help when I would get bullied. You pushed me to actually do my homework, and so began out regular calling rituals. You'd check to see if I'd done my assignments, and if I hadn't you'd stay on the line with me till it was done. In the eight years I knew you, until the day we broke up, we never broke that tradition. Only when I went to basic training and couldn't call you. Every night, even if it was just to say goodnight. While I had my own myriad of problems, so did you. You were innocent and sheltered, and so deeply controlled by your overbearing parents. I pushed you to stand up for yourself, and when things got ugly I was always there to hold you and tell you it would be okay. Do you even remember that anymore? The nights you would spend at my house, curled up against my shoulder in the top bunk, bawling your eyes out because you thought your family hated you. All your insecurities were open to me, and that's when I started to fall in love with you. You were so smart, so talented, and yet so scared. I lost count of the number of times you wanted to run away. We started dating at the beginning of December 2011. We were both terrified because heaven forbid lesbians. But the love and caring nature of the relationship was already there. I was so many of your firsts, and I didn't even care. I just took every chance I could to make you smile. I picked up writing stories again for the first time in three years and it was an instant addiction for you. You always asked me when I'd have another chapter done. I'm pretty sure you were the drive behind my determination to write the entire trilogy featuring us. High school tested us with a lot of social stigma. The bullying I received for our relationship was far worse than yours - you only ever seemed to get disbelieving questions as to why. To which you would smile and say you didn't know. And you didn't care. We lived in fear of our parents though. I'll never forget the one night before we even got together, your mom accused us of the very thing we'd later be guilty of. And I rushed home with embarrassed tears in my eyes while you fought for the next week with your mother over the cruelty of it all. Ironically though, you parents were the first to know. Your relationship with me was strong enough that you became less vulnerable and able to stand up for yourself. I'd burned away your innocence and replaced it with a fire I believe still burns to this day, just not for me. You always had my back one hundred percent. When things went south with Tim, you returned all the support I'd ever given you. When it turned even uglier while we were dating, you held me as I cried and tried your best to convince me to do what was right. And when I didn't, you still respected me and my decision, and loved me no less. Or so I thought. I had no way of knowing that a sliver of doubt had crawled in your ear. That my weakness and failure to practice what I preached would be the downfall of us. We had fun, graduated high school, and then the rough patches started. I had proposed to you during Christmas break our senior year, because I was leaving for the army three weeks after graduation. And you didn't like that one bit. But you were proud of me for following my heart and you'd seen my ease and comfort in JROTC. You knew it was the path for me. We cried when you dropped me off at the hotel. You wrote me letters every other day almost. It was the only thing I had to keep my head up while I was trapped in that hell hole. And when I called to tell you I wouldn't be graduating, you were more relieved than anything. Sad for me too. But you were happy I'd be coming home. I struggled for about six months to figure out my life. You suggested enrolling in your college and coming to live with you. I'd never heard something better. We beat that deadline because I decided to absentmindedly get a speeding and reckless driving ticket on my way back from seeing you one weekend. My parents were furious. I was afraid. It got ugly and I panicked. You drove six hours one way just to get me in the middle of the night, and I drove back so you could sleep before class. I had packed everything and took only what I needed. I'd come for the rest later. It drove a wedge between me and my parents for a while until I started working again. We lived together. I supported us while you went to class and I'd join you in various activities on campus. It was like being married already, what I picture it to be. We'd fight occasionally but never anything too serious. We even adopted a cat and trained her. Little River, I hope she treats you well still. I was accepted to the school of architecture to follow right behind you. You had never been so proud of me. And then when I started classes, things became strained. I made my own friends, some with more inappropriate intentions than others. And you grew weary. And I grew weary. You hated that I stayed in the studio to do my work rather than bring it home like you and the others. You hated that I stayed so late, working and grabbing late night snacks with some of the other students. Maybe it was jealousy. Maybe it was frustration and spite. We spent more and more time apart, often for no other reason than to just be apart. You grew suspicious and paranoid and it led to more and more fights. It even led to couples counseling. And then it stopped. When we went on fall break you barely spoke to me. When you came back I pushed for answers and I got them. We were done. You called me a liar, a cheater, a monster and a manipulator. An abuser, an asshole, literally everything in the book. I broke. I shattered. I fell apart into a million little pieces and I sobbed my wretched heart out in our bed by myself. You went and stayed with Sara. I didn't sleep the entire night. I was sick and trembling and I had never felt such a horrible thing in my entire life. The next day we pulled ourselves together and went to class. I couldn't bear to stay in the studio during class so I took my work back home. Apparently you had the same thoughts, because you never went to class after lunch. I came home to find you tossing out my things into a heaping pile. And I broke again. I begged and pleaded and bargained. I even bargained my life. And when nothing would work I just went silent and still. Unresponsive. I stayed like that for two, maybe three hours. You called the cops on me. Said I was suicidal. I guess I was. I swore I wasn't going to live a life without you. Not with the way things were. I flinched away from everyone and anyone and ignored everything said to me. Except for you. I was super aware of all you said and did. And finally you were the one to take my hand and in tears, lead me into handcuffs. You tricked me at my lowest. The handcuffs were just the beginning. They held me in the hospital for seventy two hours. My rationality kicked in and I demanded to be let go. I was an adult. I was not suicidal. I was starving and cold and I was also late for class. No one cared. You showed up once to bring my glasses and my phone. And then you left. Rather than release me, my anger led them to believe I needed further "help". I was transported to a state facility and incarcerated against my will. I tried to reach you but you never responded. They took everything from me and tried to force me to take their drugs. Did you know they actually had nurses hold me down, strap me to the bed and inject me because I refused to take those mind numbing pills? Eventually I gave up. I became the perfect little zombie they wanted me to be. Two week? Three? I don't remember. But I came home to you and your friends, and I was agreeable. I was calm. But I wasn't there. I didn't go to class. I puked my guts up because the drugs were poisoning me. But that was the only way to live. To stay there with you. I couldn't move out, and you threatened the cops again if I didn't take my meds. So I came within an inch of my life again as I got sicker and sicker over the next two months. I started having blood in my vomit. And if it weren't for the gentle reasoning of someone else, I never would have come back from that void. You forced that on me and I almost died from lithium toxicity. I finally found my way out when I started to get better. I kept lying and saying I was taking my meds. And eventually I got away. I lost all contact with you and I just prefer to think of you as dead. Because I certainly don't know you. You're not my Sierra. And I could never love you after what you've done. You've scarred me permanently with that and I have to lie for the rest of my career in hopes that I can keep my job and you haven't irrevocably ruined my life. You are the reason, more so than Tim, that I can't build healthy relationships. I'm trying. I'm getting better. But the damage is still there. So yeah. Fuck you. You've done the most damage of anyone else combined. You're the reason I don't really care anymore. Why should I?