#heehee angsty time

[sealrock]

happy mother's day

[joyfuladorable]

Read a 170k fic today and my brain is absolute mush /pos

[nosferatufaggot]

Heeeheeehheheeheheeeheee >:)

[minswriting]

Fear Of Loving You - Spencer Reid x Reader

About: Reader is madly in love with Spencer Reid. But rather than confessing her feelings for him, she gets into a different relationship to try and move on from him. When he finds out, he’s quite mad. Cue the angsty ish love confession

Warnings: Angst, love confessions, emotions, slight nsfw, mdni

Word Count: 1,600 words

Note: don’t get your hopes up with this one pookies. i quite literally pulled this out of my ass because i realized i had no one shots of spencer lol. regardless, enjoy!! i have smuttier one shots being planned at the moment heehee

The word love can be very complex. We all have an instinctual desire to love or be in love with something. Whether it be a person, an animal, or an object. It’s why we can love our families, our pets, that random character on our screens that just makes our hearts beat fast. But love can also be hard. Right person, right time. Wrong person, wrong time. Wrong person, right time. Right person, wrong time. There are multiple different ways a relationship can be. And your relationship with Spencer?

Well, it's the right person, wrong time.

Being co-workers of the same age, it wasn’t hard to get close to one another when you joined the team. The two of you became friends fairly quickly. He had given you a random fact when the two of you met and you had responded with “oh wow! i didn’t know that,” in an enthusiastic manner which had led to you and Spencer having a full-blown conversation on the plane to your first case rather than interacting much with anyone else. After that, things just flowed easily.

Days at the bureau or on the case turned into nights of spending time with one another. The two of you have gone to a Korean Film Festival together, the opening of a new bookstore, you cooked him dinner at your place occasionally, ordered takeout at his. It wasn’t hard for the two of you to grow feelings for one another when you’re constantly spending so much time together. With Spencer, you felt complete in a way you hadn’t felt complete before.

But you knew nothing could come of your feelings for him. How could they? In the end, you’re both co-workers, working a dangerous profession. The thought of ever dating Spencer terrified you due to the fear of losing him on the job or god forbid your relationship ends horribly and how that would turn out for the rest of the team. So your feelings for one another remained unspoken, there but never acknowledged.

Eventually, you tried to move on from your feelings for Spencer. You met a guy that you got along with, someone who made you feel a bit lighter. And eventually, you began dating him. But the moment the BAU found out, Spencer had given you the cold shoulder and you couldn’t figure out as to why.

Which led to where you are now, on a case in Vermont, forced to share a room with Spencer after he had been giving you the silent treatment since you told the team about your relationship earlier on in the day. The room was dead silent as you sat on the bed, going through your bag. The silence from Spencer was frustrating you, to say the least. He was most definitely much more talkative and you couldn’t figure out what was making him act so coldly towards you.

Earlier in the day, after you had told the team, the two of you had gone to a crime scene together and he only spoke to the detective that had gone with you guys, ignoring your statements and words. You glanced over at Spencer who was sitting on a chair, reading over the case file.

“Spencer,” you said his name, breaking the dead silence in the room. He didn’t answer, causing you to take a deep breath in frustration. “Giving me the silent treatment is really low of you right now.”

Spencer simply scoffed, not responding to your words. His eyes were glued to the file, though you could tell he wasn’t actually reading it.

“Listen, if you’re mad that I’m in a relationship then that’s fine. You can feel how you want to feel. But I expected you to have a lot more respect and maturity to say it to my face,” you exclaimed, grabbing your pajamas and placing your bag on the floor.

“What about the respect of telling me yourself privately?” Spencer replied back, breaking his silence. His brown eyes were on you as he bit the inside of his cheek. “I thought we were much closer that we could tell one another anything.” He stood up from the chair, walking over to you. “You want to talk about respect and maturity? You should’ve told me when it happened.”

You looked up at Spencer as he towered over you. You felt the guilt, knowing you should have talked to him about it. Because above all else, he is your best friend. However, how could you tell him when you’re also so madly in love with him? He would’ve known easily that you didn’t actually like your boyfriend as much as you may exclaim you did. “I didn’t know how to tell you,” you said softly.

“You didn’t know how or you just didn’t want to?” Spencer said with indignation, furrowing his eyebrows. He was infuriated, to say the least. Understandably so. “Because from my perspective, Y/N, it just seemed as though I wasn’t important enough for you to tell.”

“Spencer, you’re so important,” you said, standing up from the bed so you were almost at eye level with him. “God, you’re so ridiculously important to me.” You said sincerely, tilting your head as you looked up at Spencer.

“Doesn’t really feel like it,” Spencer replied, pressing his lips into a straight line and shrugging his shoulders. “If I am so important to you, you would’ve said something to me. That’s really the bottom line of it. But no, instead I had to find out alongside the rest of the team. I genuinely thought we were closer than that but clearly we weren’t.”

“But we are!” You raised your voice. “We are very close which is why I got into this relationship in the first place!”

Spencer gave you a look of confusion. “What?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows once more.

You took a deep breath, realizing that you can’t just hide your true feelings from Spencer forever. The unspoken words between the two of you must get spoken. And there really isn’t any turning back now. Either way, your relationship with him would be screwed. “I got into this relationship because of you,” you said calmly, closing your eyes for just a moment as you gathered your thoughts. You opened them back up to look Spencer in the eye. “Because if I hadn’t, I’d be spending so much of my time pining after you, someone I cannot have.”

“Who says you can’t have me?” Was his only question, causing your heart to flutter in your chest.

“Me,” you said simply. “I am scared that if we ever crossed the line of friendship into something else, that something bad would happen. I don’t want to lose you, Spencer, I really don’t. And in our line of work, it’s more probable that we could lose one another and that thought haunts me everyday.” You took on a vulnerable tone as you spoke. You could see Spencer’s features softening as he looked at you, finally understanding what you’re saying. “So, to move on from you, I got into this relationship. It isn’t a good thing for me to do. The guy is innocent and likes me for me. But all I care about is you, Spencer.” You finished your confession with a deep sigh, closing your eyes as anxiety began to consume you, not knowing how Spencer would react to such a confession.

What you hadn’t expected was to feel Spencer cup your cheeks as he captured your lips with his own, kissing you so deeply. It took you a moment to process what was happening, the action causing you to tense up and open your eyes. But after a few moments, you relaxed into Spencer’s touch and kissed him back, closing your eyes once more.

The kiss said what was unsaid. That Spencer cared about you just as much as you did for him. It was a passionate kiss with many emotions. His lips were hungry for yours, your tongues exploring one another’s mouths. And after a few minutes, Spencer let go of your lips, keeping his forehead pressed against yours. “I care about you too,” he whispered. “All I’ve ever cared about since I met you was you,” Spencer exclaimed, moving a piece of your hair out of your face.

Soft words with soft looks, kisses upon kisses, all in which led to the both of you naked and on the hotel mattress, pawing at one another in the best sex in your lifetime. It was needy and passionate, the type that conveyed everything you guys needed to know. Nothing else mattered except you and Spencer. Spencer held you close to him, lips on yours, as he thrusted into you. He needed to feel all of you. Just as you needed to feel all of him.

And when you guys finished, laying on the bed in each other’s arms, you turned to look at Spencer. “I’m sorry,” you murmured. “I should’ve just told you my feelings rather than jumped into some dumb relationship but I was scared.”

“I’m scared too,” he murmured back, resting his head on top of yours. “But I’ve read that relationships do best when the couple works through issues together. So, any problems that occur, any fears that we have, we need to communicate them and face them together.”

“Are we a couple now?” You couldn’t help but ask.

Spencer moved his head off of yours, glancing at you with a small smile. “After you break up with that random boyfriend of yours, I will properly ask you out.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

[shall-we-die]

ok heehee i have a request in mind, but feel free to ignore it for whatever reason but i was wondering about something a teensy bit angsty (or like hurt-comfort if ur feeling niceys) with the obey me demons,

like them being summoned by some human cultists using (gn)MC as a sacrifice for them. is this anything

╔‌‌‌‌═══════════════•⊰•°༄༚

{"Don't touch

my human!"}

☰[Main list]•⊰ Obey me!

╚═══════════════•⊰•°༄༚‌‌‌

...Who has the nerve to summon a mighty prideful demon using your name? That is a grave offence and they shall be punished.

When Diavolo was suddenly summoned by a group of human cultist using you as a sacrificial lamb, time stopped for a moment as he took in the sight before him. His normally bright and cheerful demeanor immediately darkened as anger and disgust painted over his features as he saw you chained up in front of him, surrounded by the cultists, who looked at him with a sickening glee in their eyes, expecting him to grant them a wish at your expense. 'How absolutely pathetic.' was all Diavolo could think as he glared daggers at the group. Diavolo felt almost sick at the thought of these humans thinking that they could summon him and sacrifice someone as valuable as you just to satisfy their own selfish desires. As the head cultist approached you menacingly, you could see in the corner of your eye that Diavolo was clenching his fists tightly, seemingly to refrain himself from unleashing the full wrath of his power right then and there, which would without a doubt kill those humans on the spot. The cultist lifted his hand up menacingly, preparing to give the ritual the finishing blow when...

Barbatos, who has always found the mortal realm to be full of foolish and short-sighted people, would find himself annoyed by the human cultists. But as he materializes before them, he could only chuckle at the sheer foolishness of their summoning and sacrifice attempt. He would make a sly comment about how their sacrifice of you would not help them in summoning him and how their attempts at manipulation were in vain. "How foolish are you mortals to even attempt to summon me with such pitiful and useless sacrifices?" He would continue mocking the human cultists, commenting on their lack of knowledge and insight. "Do you truly believe that sacrifices can sway my presence? What a foolish notion. You mortals should really brush up on your demon summoning etiquette. A mere sacrifice is not enough to bring me to the mortal realm. You lack sincerity and knowledge in your summoning attempts. What a waste of time and energy on my part." He would chuckle at their pitiful attempts and watch as they panic.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

sooo late but doing this instead of doing work haha heehee. thanks for tagging me @lovelylotusf1 and @cx-boxbox.

How many works do you have on AO3?

f1 fics: 16 total: 58

What's your total AO3 word count?

310k. which depending on your perspective is a lot, or not a lot at all ! i'm trying to be comfy with the fact that fic is fun and shouldn't be quantified with stats but that's a whole other arc

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i have a whole thing about getting sucked into stats so tbh i don't know as of right now, and am making the active choice not to know

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do for short fics (<3,000 words)! it feels easier somehow? i read every single comment though and even screenshot them for shitty days. (and there are surprisingly quite a lot of shitty days tbh. not to bludgeon you all about it but).

p.s. if you've ever written an essay comment for any fic you deserve the biggest hug in the world. is all i will say as an author...

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

it turns out all my fics are kinda angsty...! probably the girl!lando fic pardon my emotions. the unwritten sequel remains on my mind... the 2024 season has given us so much to work with...

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

definitely the sun and really because @maaxverstappen specifically requested a happy ending in the exchange prompt. maybe i just need a tiny mandy dancing on my shoulder at all times to make this stick.

Do you write crossovers?

i think i've done for other fandoms but not in f1 yet. i had an 814 spiderman multiverse fic percolating for a while but it's kind of on hold like the rest of my writing atm cus. life.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not in f1 afaik. but it's like my 6th year of being in fandom now and trust me when i say i've seen almost everything atp.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i'm pious i'm unhinged, so yes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, in a diff fandom

i've talked about co-writing f1 fics with @miamimaiden and @unlapped, but all my writing's kind of on hold rn so nothing as of yet !! co-writing can be so fun though and i highly encourage it. also vibing in the gdocs counts as writing. to meee.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

anything enemies to lovers tbh. hence, carcar.

frando-norpinto have my heart as of late.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

the longform notting hill 814 au that is outlined in my drafts with an almost complete chapter 1, but i do not have the spark or capacity to write more atm

What are your writing strengths?

i've been told i write very cinematically, and that i do ✨ vibes ✨ very well

athat may be at the expense of actual plotting lmao. but i just love slowness without a particular sense of direction sometimes?

which is also why writing the sun was so fun, because i didn't have a ton of time to stay too long in one scene. and i had to finish it on deadline, and it still had character development while staying under 15k

What are your writing weaknesses?

long plots for sure. this is also my hangup in screenwriting class (when i used to go to screenwriting class).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i've done so before for lestappen fics and probably should've gotten it checked, but alas. also lestappen fics were much earlier in my fandom journey and i didn't have anyone to ask back then 😬

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

[redacted]

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

choscar (charles/oscar) or francoscar (franco/oscar) maybe.

bonsai (carlos/alex).

oscar's my blorbo, i just love putting him in Situations.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

in f1 it's gonna be the sun (AGAIN) or at a constant speed.

tagging @miamimaiden @testarossa @strwbrryfire @ocontraire and whoever else wants to play. i'm so late so maybe everyone has done it already.

[localsimpissleepy]

for ship bingo heehee..... cygson...... asking on anon as if it isn't very possible to guess who I am

Jee, i wonder which mutual this is lol-

Listen, if their enemies to lovers, i'm gonna ship them (also, red and blue dynamic hello-)

This ship could either turn into “i can fix him” or “i can make him worse”, either way, if it's angsty, i'm gonna ship them either way-

This is giving just two guys hating each other's guts and started fighting, and then start making out 1 minute later-

They also seem like uncle/father figures to Jack (Crimson probably gives Jack like decent advice, while Cygnus is like “You're having guy problems? Idk try kill him or something, that's how i got Crimson”)

Side note: idk why but i thought of this clip when i saw this ship for the first time (probably an interaction between Night Swan & Cygnus):

https://youtube.com/shorts/LdoiBdNeCbM?si=cbC-hB3Paxk_rg1P

[plumsodapop]

Monster and Torture for Kasai, Secret and Pain for Leila, Wound and Midnight for Hamisi, Mask and Guilt for Eden, Nightmare and Mistake for Samia.

Heya! :]

Hi!!! Ooohoo buckle up this is gonna be a lot!!

Kasai

Monster: he's not physically monstrous, but there are times he considers himself a monster. He was manipulated into harming multiple people as a young teen by someone his mother then considered an ally, but always blamed himself

Torture: This boy has the pain tolerance of a grape and mega sensory issues, but I feel like his sense of loyalty and family would keep him from spilling any sensitive information. He would not be having a good time tho

Leila

Secret: heehee ok I know this is supposed to be angsty but

She's in looooveee (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

Pain: At one point in her teenhood she was pitted against a much more experienced adversary in a "training" fight (I feel I should mention she was also raised by an antagonist. Straight up bonkers awful dude) She ended up with a leg broken in two places and a severe concussion, neither of which got properly attended to :)

Hamisi

Wound: This boy is the plots punching bag, if I'm honest. His powers alone cause chronic pain and fatigue, but he also ends up in worse situations XD He tends to laugh off wounds and injuries to a concerning degree, making jokes ab stab wounds and the like

Midnight: Probably the worst sleep schedule on the team, he has severe insomnia. Usually he gets enough sleep to be functional, but he also enjoys the wee hours of the night as his alone time

At least when no one else has a nightmare

Eden

Mask : I can only only think that his mask would be of naivety and cheerfulness when he doesn't really feel that way. He's the baby of the group, and feels (self inflicted) pressure to appear that way to his family

Guilt: I haven't really gotten the chance to figure out how Eden would deal with guilt in the story, but just from how he is, he might try to pull the baby brother card (like he might for a non-serious guilt) but end up breaking down because he can't fix whatever it is that happened

Samia

Nightmare: Y'know those weird nightmares where you can feel it when you get hurt in them? She gets a lot of those, especially after her leg injury Definitely plenty about her family getting hurt or killed...

Mistake: Her biggest mistake as a leader eventually led to Hamisi getting captured and held hostage. She definitely doesn't lose sleep over that

Heehee that was so fun, it made me think a lot

Thank you for the ask May!!! <3

[according2thelore]

just found your tumblr account and thought id give you the comments i never left on your fics. my top three are: I. “swallow my breath and take whats mine” nothing to say about this one except i live for feral sam, the fear for dean’s death and acceptance of letting himself be cannibalized just because he doesn’t want to lose him and at the end the contempt for john, for how far he’s willing to go just to train dean (his inability to understand that it is NOT normal has a whole other special flavor). it was short, lovely and heartbreaking with a je ne sais quoi in sam’s feelings towards dean. 10/10. II. “and its you that i want” this was more lighthearted, not accounting for the breakup between dean and girl X, the best part was sam needing to be used, his desire to be just a vessel for deans pleasure. also i love EVERYTHING that depicts sam’s discomfort with his size with his need to be smaller. overall the smut is so sexy and intimate and also i love the fact that theyre obsessed with each other even in another universe. i love every smith/wesson fic because i love to imagine their reactions when confronted with what they would do with each other when not being stuck with whatever inhibition theyre battling with. 12/10 just because it has smut. “souls tied intertwined by our pride and guilt” NO. WORDS. it is my most read fic on ao3 in the whole seven years ive used the platform and it was published less than a year ago. i love everything. every word, every emotion. the fic starts with the voyeur moment, dean’s guilt at the idea that it was sam’s worst terror and sam’s fear that he may have revealed too much and everything its now out in the open. “the dark side of the moon” is already a seriously angsty episode by itself, but your spin on it with their guilt, their shame and the continuous misunderstandings is lovely.

dean’s overthinking about when did he become so overwhelming to sam that he was TERRIFIED of his big brother, when did he become something that sam needed to escape from leaving for college? sams line that said he “always lived with it” had dean spiraling with guilt and shame and fear so much that he left and “threw” away the amulet. sam on the other hand is full of shame for his biggest desire is out there, the crippling need to have his brother, so debilitating that he had to escape, not from deans leering as he may think, but from his fucked up needs, his perversion of their relationship, of him feeling like he twisted up something genuine and good so much that his brother is now disgusted with him (i love when one of the two seems “disgusted” leaving the other feeling dirty and a pervert) overall i never found a fic that fit all of my reading needs as well as this one. you took a basic misunderstanding trope and spun it in a whirlwind of suffering, dejections, inhibitions and the best part GUILT AND SHAME.

i have no more words 100/10 i live for it. keep up with your writing because i live for it and eat up every single work you produce.

sorry if some bits are grammatically incorrect english is not my first language.

much love<3

HI ANON!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

thank you so much for this ask!!!!!! i actually think i have answered this one already, and thank you for being so kind!!!!!!! i want to make sure you can see this so i copy-pasted my answer below, bc i had such a lovely time reading this and responding to it!

anon...oh my god anon...anon...

okay so i'm thinking an autumn wedding? how soon do you think we could book a venue?? i mean, we could always elope.

but seriously, anon--holy shit. this ask made my MONTH. i don't know what i did to deserve such lovely and incredible people on this blog but i am so GRATEFUL!!!

just little responses to the comments:

EEP! thank you! desperately devoted winchesters are delicious! we see series!sam being incredibly unhinged about dean/his safety, so i was interested to explore how a pre-series!sam would navigate a situation like that. 

heehee i'm glad this one was good! charlotte beta'd the first half of this fic in public, and it was quite funny to watch her (a lesbian who is also new to A/B/O) give it a read. servicetop sam is something that i love that i also don't see a lot of, so i loved being able to add some in this universe where their power dynamics are slightly shifted (in the corporate ladder sense and also alpha/omega lol). a +2 for the smut!! hell yeah!!! thank you ! :)

okay, small guilty pleasure moment, i LOVE misunderstanding tropes. admittedly in big, long pieces of fiction (fan or otherwise) in the 40k+ category, i can get tired of it, but misunderstandings are such a great way to understand and explore the interpersonal and INTRApersonal strengths/weaknesses/flaws of characters and their understanding of the world they are in. i was afraid everyone was going to hate this fic on sight bc it's written for me (and charlotte) specifically (and i've found from some very vocal and angry people that they hate misunderstandings (not on this blog, thank goodness, everyone has been lovely!)), but i am SO INCREDIBLY HONOURED AND GRATEFUL AND GLAD that you like it!!!!! i don't even have words for how much all of the comments, but this one especially, meant!!! all of your comments breaking it down made me smile wider and wider!

i hope my work continues to be entertaining, and THANK YOU again for this lovely ask!! (ps, your grammar is stellar!! much love!!!)

-lizzy <3

(pps mwah mwah mwah mwah)

[beperoncin]

i know like nothing about peperoncino honestly but i consider you the expert,,, what are some of your hcs ? :]

HEEHEE GRINS >:3

okay so here goes

some of these are really angsty so heads up

this is probably my most well known headcanon but that one arm is actually gone! he lost it in combat because he didn't have any good armor then so... yeag

during the search for his son he almost died like 10 times because he didn't eat or drink or sleep for so long

apparently he's immune to fire (probably because of the whole treasure thing but also because of other headcanons)

he's got

REALLY

REALLY

bad anxiety

like he straight up hates being put in the spotlight which is made worse by the fact that he now has the power of a legendary treasure and everyone that knows him is treating him like he's some sort of god

and the cookies don't seem to respect this guy's boundaries and he hates having to threaten violence against them but he really has no cjoice

he still has nightmares about The Incident™ and they're so awful he wakes up crying (he's done it around cauliflower almost every night he was forced to sleep by her and she genuinely didn't mind comforting him)

this is just projecting but he stims by pacing arounf

i've answered this in an earlier ask but he's blood related to fire spirit (and capsaicin is too so!!! the spice brothers :3) and that's why he's immune to fire

so about habanero? he is too!

he's actually a good artist and spent the majority of his childhood sketching the landscape of the dragon's valley

most of his playlist is filled with music from the 1990s and somehow he has most of repulsive's discography in there (repulsive my beloved!!)

and some lil headcanons abour his two costumes: cleaver of suns ans black lava blademaster resemble heaven and hell respectively

he hates being touched but at the same time he wishes someone would hug him as tight as they can

HELP THIS JS ALL IBCAN TYPE UNTIL I GO COMPLETELY MAD IN THE BULLETS

ok i hope this was enough for you holy balls

[feyhunter78]

Watching a video about a fanfic author search made me think of something

What if Gabi goes thru a goth/emo phase and because 'nobody understands her' (except her mom/reader heehee) she writes a cringe fanfic like as cringy as my immortal (if u don't k ow my immortal SEARCH ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY OMFG)

And she trusts no one with it even miguel, the only exception in reader

And bc reader is a supportive mama, she start dressing goth to support and 'connect' with gabi

Idk ijust think this is a cute idea

Oh bbg I know My Immortal, I'm oldddd XD (jk it came out when I was like 7, but I still know it)

If Gabi went through a goth phase, it's definitely a short-lived one bc honestly that girl is so loved she has no reason to be angsty💀

But yes, only reader gets to read it, and she has to be like "it's amazing sweetheart!!!" Even though it's sooooo bad

I feel like both Miguel and Y/N would dress up to support Gabi and that would like give her the ick and she'd be back to her normal outfits in no time XD

[handgiven]

the smile that settles upon the angel's lips now is one colored by sadness. truth be told, of all the things and people he may see in constantine, this one hurts the most. his very own brother, what with his cynicism and provocations, trying to strike a nerve just to get a reaction... emmanuel has been through all of this before, which is why he does not rush to react, nor correct the other, nor flood him with faithful words, for he knows they are not wanted. they are not needed.

he changes his position, pulls his knees up to his chest, the wind around them moving ever so slightly, a subtle notion that he has shifted his wings. he sighs the kind of sigh that lets on the heavy thoughts ruling his mind.

"i hear you, john. but the issue you speak of -- the underlying issue of all that you bring up, is that of your free will." he is sure the other is aware of the concept, he is convinced he has the history of heaven and hell memorised, or at least in his living memory... but he doubts john can understand. he wonders for a second, should he even try explaining this? the memory of his own kin is too strong, he needs to try, for john's sake too. what of it if it makes him upset? what of it if he decides the whole of heavenly aid is worthless to him? he may do just that.

"there is so much we could be doing. there is so much i could be doing. but your free will as that of humanity is sacred. wars were fought over your will to choose your own path. because we did not get this choice, but you did. we may help a little bit, i may bring joy here and there, but the truth is, humanity is so much bigger than this. you are kind to one another, as you are cruel, yes. but we may not put an end to it because that would be taking away the most precious thing you have. the one thing the essence of humanity is warped around. without it, it would all come undone."

one more sigh, he dares look up to meet the other's eyes, though his own seem momentarily fogged. "you may not understand. in fact, it is quite alright if you don't, you were never meant to. that is why we are here, not you. and neither am i here to sell you a product, i wish you'd stop framing it as such. i am merely offering... well, you have it already." his friendship constantine has already. what he does with it or how he treats it is merely his own business. an exercise at free will once again.

' "coming from me," what? i can 'ave good ideas. ' it's just acting on them that's the problem. he wants to get PISSED; he hates this feeling, like he's being lead by the nose into being a better person or being happy — even the bloody SUNSHINE is some intentional act of mercy? fuck it all. — but at least the bloke seems to be going about it with honest intentions. and has a sense of humor, besides. that's not so bad. ' only sometimes? figured you'd have joy-stirring down to a science, these days. '

there's a thought: MERCY being as mercurial as wrath. constantine's always been one to crave things steady, a rudderless ship grasping for mooring wherever he can get it, inevitably forced to let go by next tide 'lest he bring the whole dock down with him. sure, he enjoys the chaos, the thrill of the game that magic makes you play; survival against all odds, humanity's finest intoxicant. but he wants more than that, eventually. he wants things like mercy to last.

' f'you're so into giving kindness, why not take a stab at rewiring the bloody governments of the world so they make more of it, then? institutions, politicians, you could sprinkle a word in their ears an' make the tossers in charge actually care about the people they're s'posed to protect. why's god got you in pocket for all the little things an' none of the BIG, eh? '

oh, that's a laugh, then. so glad he can provide the almighty's pocket lint with entertainment. he rolls his head sideways to fix the feathery bastard with a flat look that says "you know damn well what you're doing". ' might s'well be, the way you're goin' about it. doesn't matter who's good an' who's not, just what y'do with what ye've got. ' ( he wants to be good. god, he wants to be good. )

the quote earns a snort, a lopsided grin scrawling itself around his cigarette. friends in heaven, him? he can just see chas's face. ' OH AYE. and ignoscere divinum, too. how generous. i've already bought the product, chief, no need to carry on with the sales pitch. '

[spectralharvest]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thanks for tagging me @sunhatllama although I only have 2 posted fics so this is gonna be kind of sad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2, although I used to have a lot more that I orphaned because I wrote them when I was 12 and was ashamed of myself lmao

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

2,242

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've posted things for Spy x Family and The Longing, although I've been sporadically working on something for South Park

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I only have two but I'll put them here anyway

1.) Happy Endings - My Spy x Family fic about Twilight's mom that I based off of a fan animation. Ironically, a couple months after I posted this, Chapter 62 came out which basically dealt with the same thing lmao

2.) Counting the Seconds - My fic for The Longing, an idle game that I really really love. It's not very popular fic wise though, so it makes sense why it has less kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I keep meaning to, but I get nervous and then forget and by the time I remember, it's way too late to respond. Or at least it feels like it's not socially acceptable anymore.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of mine so far have had angsty endings, but I'd probably go with Happy Endings just because there's some canonical character death.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Counting the Seconds? It's just me going through my favorite ending of the game and what The Shade might have been thinking.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I don't post enough to get that kind of engagement lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Nope, I just haven't seen a reason to.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I have not written crossovers, I like to keep my fandoms separate.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah, like I said, I haven't done anything notable enough to get my things stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

^^^

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but it does sound kind of appealing. I would worry about dragging down someone else's work though since my work ethic is so goddamn terrible.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Creek!! I actually wasn't all that into them the first time I watched South Park, but when I came back to it years later the Post Covid special had come out and the fact that they were still together 40 years later really cemented them in my heart. I <3 old man yaoi.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a Creek-focused South Park 60's au that I've been trying to write since June, but I went to work one day with a bunch of ideas and then I left my shift feeling so drained and I haven't been able to get that spark back. I also have a Damianya-focused Spy x Family royalty au based on that one line from chapter 88 but I got too carried away with the planning instead of actually writing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

My roommate (@sunhatllama) says that I conveyed emotions pretty well so I guess I can do that

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My work ethic :(

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've certainly tried it before with some of the fics I orphaned, and I feel like it can be fine. Nowadays, I'd just rather have it be like "character said something in a different language". idk i don't feel strongly either way

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Gravity Falls! My ff.net account is still up with them but they're BAD. I wrote them when I was like 10 and I don't remember the account info so I can't go and delete them.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Happy Endings, just because I wasn't expecting a lot of engagement but the creator of the fan animation that I based it off of actually found it and left a comment about it! It made me so happy and I was so goddamn happy when I went to high school the next day lmao.

I'm tagging no one because I have no friends heehee

[nohoney]

hi again srry this may seem random but what was us!touya and us!keigo's high school life like? i think it was said somewhere in the fic that they met in college so im pretty sure they werent friends yet but i was just curious. and since we're on the subject, when and how exactly did they meet? what was their first interaction and impression of each other? :3 -sugar anon

my darling sugar hiiii ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

thnx for your neato questions like always! i gave it some vague thoughts before but you really make me think hard about what their backgrounds are before the reader came along heehee (>ᴗ•)

us touya! in high school i would say he didn’t try very hard in many things, all his efforts were only meant to be passable but nothing to be celebrated. lots of broken curfews and he was a really angsty guy that didn’t enjoy anything. at least not until he tried his first drug, which he can’t even remember what his first one was but the first time he was high on something other than weed, he felt alive and relief.

us keigo! in high school i picture him as like the guy that everyone liked and he was exceptional in school but no one could get close to. super friendly, really likable, but not willing to open up to anyone. like being able to just float along with people coming up to him, but really he kinda did it just because it seemed expected to get along with other people and not because he genuinely wanted to.

i actually imagined their meeting as touya needing a smoke break outside of a bar one time, flicking his lighter and trying to get a spark to light up his cigarette. he was getting pissed, just about ready to cuss when keigo held up his lighter for him, but in exchange if he could bum a smoke too. they didn’t hit it right off the bat, but that was their first meeting. i think i measured them out to be friends about a year and a half or so before the reader came along in their lives.

touya thought keigo was just some pretty boy; keigo kinda just saw him as a plug once he learned he was a connect for adderall. he heard of some guy called “dabi” around campus that had really good shit and was pleasantly surprised to be led back to the random stranger that he bummed a cigarette off of.

and they bonded over drugs initially and were sort of fuck buddies before actually being friends with each other

[ireallyhatemyself-ao3]

Hi! I really love your fanfics (I've only read 2: Breath, and Sweat) and they are FANTASTIC :D I think they are flawless! But I've heard news of a Rengoku x Tanjiro... FR?! Tanjiro's gonna cheat?! Oh well. I hope the flame hashira's good in bed ;) anyways just wanna congratulate for the amazing work, take your time (but plz not to long), and have a great life. You seem like a very nice person and would def wanna be friends.

Love, Ash

P.S. plz draw lower... god im cringe but fr how big is Giyu??

AAA, oml this reply is so late but aaa tysm!! <3 and lol NAUR the way I'm being exposed rn, lmaooasdhkjash. I'm happy to hear you really enjoyed the fic though!! And lol, I haven't abandoned the series, but I haven't had time to work on it much yet but yes! There will be some Rengoku x Tanjiro during a brief breakup period, heehee. It'll actually be quite angsty tho, so I hope you're ready for that! And aww, thanks so much for the kind words. You seem like a very nice person too! <3

Love, Arie

(ALSO ASDKJHSAKJ, YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT LMAOOSDKJAS)

[mermaidsirennikita]

Any romance recs that give the whole “look back at me” North & South vibes?

I'm thinking that you're looking for the angst and longing of "Look back at me", right? Garbage man cannot express garbage feelings correctly? Feel free to correct me if you want different vibes.

I would recommend:

--Waking Up with the Duke by Lorraine Heath. Lorraine is just angst supreme, and this one is probably my favorite book by her. It's the "hey my guy, will you get my wife pregnant because I cannot and that's your fault" book. After much debate because the heroine loves her husband and hates the hero, the hero and heroine spend a month together at his cottage... Makin' a baby. And it starts out as super formal and weird but becomes this passionate thing and they're totally in love by the end of the month but he has to give her back to her husband and the parting...? The PARTING??? May be the most gloriously angsty thing I've ever read and it's beautiful. I remember this moment where she finally reaches her husband and just collapses in his arms sobbing and you switch to the husband's POV and he's like "fuck".

--Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage by Jennifer Ashley. A fabulous marriage in trouble book that kicks off with the hero resolving to get the heroine back after three years of separation. But you also get flashbacks to her leaving him, and a lot of that "we just can't make this work" energy from her while he wants so badly to make it work.

--Once More, My Darling Rogue by Lorraine Heath. Honestly a ZANY BOOK. But the fallout...? It's actually, and I am like 90% sure this was intentional, a retelling of the fully insane Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn vehicle Overboard, which I've made like seven people in my life watch and every time they go "I think this is a... you thing" BUT! It works in a historical romance setting. Hero was born into poverty but adopted by a duke and duchess, which gives him a complex... Heroine is a spoiled little rich girl type. She always treats him like garbage, and then one night he finds her having fallen into a river, and she has FULL AMNESIA. NO IDEA WHO HE OR ANYONE IS. So he's like "Lmao, I'm gonna prank her by telling her she's my maid, and then I'll send her back to her brother". It gets out of hand. He does not send her back to her brother. And when she gets her memory back? At the WORST MOMENT??? Oh. OHHHHHHH. The way this man is DEVASTATED by his own IDIOCY. TW: discussions of childhood sexual abuse.

--The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden. Hero and heroine have a marriage of convenience after his ne'er-do-well brother ruins her reputation in a non-sexual manner. The hero is very cold and practiced, but gradually he and the heroine get close--yet he still can't let her in despite wanting her so badly because, you know, trauma. Towards the end he thinks she's gonna leave him and it gives this vibe, imo.

--How to Marry a Marquess by Stacy Reid. This is one of those "heehee teach me how to seduce a man who TOTALLY isn't you" books that turns so fucking angsty towards the end. The hero fucks up BIG TIME and the heroine like... refuses to see him, shit like that. Very good.

--The Bride Goes Rogue by Joanna Shupe. Been recommending this a lot lately but it really is that good. Why I think it works for this is just. The very end. When she's DONE with him. And he's that TikTok effect where it's like "BABY PLEASE WHY BABY WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME" after being the mAN IN CHARGE the entire book. Just. Down ridiculous.

--Untamed by Elizabeth Lowell. Old-ish school medieval. The hero and heroine have an arranged marriage, but due to events that are totally out of her control, he doesn't trust her at all and spends a lot of the book like... Expressing this lack of trust. To the point that he basically fucks up the relationship, and she thinks he hates her, when he in fact, reader, THE OPPOSITE of hates her. His grovel is a hall of fame grovel, and it only happens after it's communicated to him that she believes he feels nothing for her.

--A Rogue by Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean. One of my favorite "There he goes, ruining his own life (again)" books. Hero is just! Such! A bastard!!! Horrible man. Love him. He fucks up from the very beginning and spends much of the book trying and failing to communicate the depth of his feeling to the heroine. The Day of the Duchess by MacLean also does this.

--After Dark with the Duke by Julie Anne Long. Definitely has this vibe. Cold duke who ends up giving Italian lessons to the much younger, scandalous opera singer who's staying at the same boarding house he's in. He looks down at her, she thinks he's an asshole (he is), they become friends over time... then they become more than friends... But the age gap/societal differences make them think they can't be together.

--Sweetest Scoundrel by Elizabeth Hoyt. The lovers think they're going to part (by choice) right up until the very last minute when he gets his head out of his ass. TW: the heroine was sexually abused as as child, and this is a huge plot point. The hero is very gentle with her, and much of their early sexual relationship involves her watching him, them like, masturbating in a room together without touching each other, etc. It's a big trauma recovery book.

--Dearest Rogue by Elizabeth Hoyt. Pining with a side of "she's too good for the likes of me". Heroine is blind and the hero is her bodyguard. SOMEONE (hello, Duke of Sin, among others) wants to kidnap her and they end up on a roadtrip together. Shit gets out of hand, but he also firmly believes they can't be together because... class divides, his leg injury means that he ~ain't as good as he once was~ (trust and believe, this does not apply to the bedroom).

--Tbh, the entire Princes trilogy by Elizabeth Hoyt (which I really should reread) has moments like this because the heroes, especially those of book 1 and 2, have their heads entirely up their asses for like. 90% of the book. I love this. It's glorious to me. For me, Elizabeth Hoyt and Lorraine Heath just... know how to weaponize angst perfectly.

--Scoundrel of My Heart by Lorraine Heath. This starts out as a "best friend's brother" book, wherein the heroine is attempting to catch the attention of a duke and has her best friend's SUPER ANNOYING brother help her... and obviously they fall in love... and like, suddenly, it's a totally different book and we have a year-long time jump, and when they meet again she's engaged to the duke and he's a totally different man but... obviously... he still wants her. Angst supreme. Reader, this one did make me cry, which NEVER happens.