#heartwarming? painful? gut wrenching?

[heartmurdock]

oh yeah this is just me sobbing and crying rn. the fluff. the domesticity. the love. AND THEN THE ANGST. it’s so good. IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING.

Don't Walk Away [Part One]

Pairing: Frank Castle x Fem!Reader

Summary: Frank is a good man–you learned that the day he brought your dog Lucky into your life. The two of you soon began a relationship afterwards, one that was rather unconventional with how often Frank was always on the road. But one night when he's back, you're hit with the realization that you're in love with him. Noticing your nerves, Frank eventually pulls the truth out of you–and then you're left confused and heartbroken when you wake up to find him gone the next morning.

Warnings: 18+; Angst with a happy ending (in part two), emotional hurt/comfort, smut (in part two), love confession

Word Count: 5.7k

a/n: This was going to be a one part thing but I wanted to give this story everything I needed to which meant it was growing into something bigger. So there will be a part two coming that has the happy ending and smut. For now, this is angst. Enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

Humming absently to yourself, you sealed the lid on the tupperware container of the leftover pasta you’d made for dinner. A crisp breeze made its way through the open windows in your kitchen, that comforting and familiar scent of autumn soon approaching wafting inside and filling your house. You loved this time of year when the nights finally cooled off and you didn’t have beads of sweat rolling down your back from the scorching heat of the day. There was something serene and calming about having your windows open at night, the sounds of the crickets outside a peaceful background to your evenings. 

As you made your way over to the refrigerator, you heard the sound of a car rolling to a stop somewhere along the street out front, the noise louder than usual with your windows wide open. You saw Lucky raise her head from off the kitchen floor, perking up at the noise as you opened the refrigerator door and placed the container of leftover pasta inside. Lucky let out a soft whine from the floor next, your attention fully turning down towards your dog as you shut the fridge.

“It’s just a car, girl,” you told her. “Nothing to be worried about.”

Making your way towards your dishwasher, you pulled the door open and slid out the bottom rack. Turning, you began pulling the dirty pots and bowls out of the sink from this evening and setting them one by one inside of the dishwasher. The loud thud of a car door closing outside rang out through your kitchen and Lucky jumped up from the floor. You paused, half-bent over the dishwasher as your focus shifted to her. She was standing perfectly at attention facing the living room, her entire body absolutely still except for her cropped tail. It was doing that hopeful, eager wag she would get where her tail would wag exactly three times before it stopped for a couple of seconds only to wag three more times. 

And she only ever acted like this when she noticed Frank was back.

“Is your daddy here?” you asked Lucky.

Her head turned back towards you, a happy glint in her eyes. You couldn’t contain your own excitement either, a large grin slipping onto your lips as you slid the dishrack back before closing the dishwasher door. Heading to the sink, you washed your hands, your smile only growing when you heard Lucky softly whining in barely contained joy.

By the time you were drying your hands on the kitchen towel, you heard a knock coming from the front door. Lucky bolted off towards it immediately, her excited barks loudly echoing through your previously quiet house. Making your way out of your kitchen and to the living room after her, you could hear Frank’s laughter coming through the open windows. The warm, resonate sound of it had you picking up your pace as you headed to the front door. It had been awhile since Frank had last stopped by and you'd certainly missed him. 

Unlocking the door, you hurriedly pulled it open to reveal Frank Castle standing on your doorstep–or Pete Castiglione as everyone else in the world knew him as. But you had come to know him for exactly who he was shortly after the night you met him eight months ago now. 

He was the one who’d brought Lucky into the animal hospital you’d been working at late at night. She’d been in terrible shape, barely holding on from the abuse she had clearly suffered from, and she had been covered in injuries from what appeared to be dog fights. He’d been in a panic about her, begging you to do whatever you could to save her that night when he’d barged in through the front doors carrying her limp body in his arms. Frank had barely left the animal hospital’s parking lot for the entire week she’d been in your care. He had always been checking in on her, asking if there was anything he could do. 

It wasn’t long before you’d looked into who he was, curious about the man who cared so much about an abused dog that supposedly wasn’t his dog–and then you’d managed to uncover his past. You’d been a bit wary of him at first, but Frank had only ever been kind and respectful to you and your colleagues. It was clear he had a big heart judging by how much he cared for the dog he’d rescued and couldn’t seem to let go of. Though when she was finally ready to go home and recover, you’d expected he would want to take her with him, but he’d surprised you when he had told you that he couldn’t. He was apparently living on the road for now, traveling from state to state without a real home, trying to find where he belonged. He had stayed only long enough to make sure she was healed and safe before he left.

You had ended up taking her in and naming her Lucky–because she was lucky Frank had been the one to find her and rescue her that night. But you’d also referred to her as your good luck charm because two weeks later, Frank had returned to the animal hospital you worked at and was asking about her. When he learned you’d been the one to give her a home, he’d asked if he could see her again. It was Lucky who had ultimately brought you and Frank together; she was the reason the pair of you had eventually fallen into the unconventional relationship you’d had for months now while Frank continued to live his life on the road trying to find himself–though you always wondered if he was really just punishing himself. 

Pulling the screen door open, Frank stepped inside with a broad smile spread wide across his face, his warm brown eyes focused on you. The sight of him had your heart feeling ready to burst, a large smile spreading onto your own lips in return. Lucky quickly began excitedly hopping around by Frank’s legs, demanding attention as happy barks flew out of her one after another. She only quieted when he'd finally tore his eyes from you and focused his attention on her.

“Hey girl,” Frank greeted Lucky. “You missed me, did ya?”

He took two steps inside before swiftly dropping down to his knees on the floor beside her. Lucky was quick to bombard him in a series of kisses straight away, only further encouraged by his large hands scratching behind her ears. Laughing lightly at the pair of them, you closed the front door and locked it before turning and leaning against it, watching the both of them with that smile lingering on your lips. Lucky’s entire lower half wiggled back and forth in delight as Frank continued to enthusiastically scratch behind her ears, muttering sweet words of praise to her. The reunions between the two of them had always went like this whenever Frank showed back up at your place, and it always warmed your heart to watch them together.

It was a few minutes before Lucky finally calmed, lowering to sit on her haunches in front of Frank with her tongue happily hanging out of her mouth looking as if she was smiling herself. Frank glanced up at you, one hand still absently petting Lucky as he directed that broad smile still on his face at you. The sight of it had your heart almost skipping a beat–it had been two weeks since you'd last had the opportunity to see that smile in person.

His attention not leaving you, he slipped his duffle bag from off his shoulder and dropped it to the floor by his feet. “How’s my favorite girl?” he asked.

“Feeling a little left out of this reunion,” you teased.

“Well I can’t have that now can I?” he mused.

He gave Lucky two more pats on her head before he rose back up to his feet, eyeing you with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he slowly sauntered towards you. You quirked a brow at him, the corner of your lips curving even higher upwards. The moment he was within reach, his hands were on your hips. You could feel the warmth of them seeping past the thin fabric of your sweatpants, his fingers firmly gripping you in an almost possessive way. He stepped in closer to you, closing the distance between you both as his face hovered just before yours. Your own hands rose up, landing on his chest just over his dark jacket. Your eyes locked onto his brown ones, spotting that familiar light in them they always had when he was with you. Though every time he said goodbye to you before heading out to his truck, ready to get back on the road again, you swore you saw that light extinguish behind his eyes.

“What about you, beautiful?” Frank asked, his voice a gentle rumble in your ears as he cocked his head to the side. “Did you miss me?”

“I always miss you when you’re gone, Frank,” you assured him, hands snaking their way up his solid chest until you could wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him in closer to you. “And I’m always happy to see you.”

“Is that right?” he murmured.

Frank lowered his forehead to rest against yours, his eyes closing. Yours closed seconds later, your tongue slipping out to wet your lips in anticipation of your greeting from him. He was so close to you that his lips brushed yours when he spoke next. 

“How much did ya miss me?” he asked.

Without hesitation, your arms pulled him in the rest of the way to you as you tilted your face up, capturing his lips with your own. It surprised you that his lips were always so soft every single time you kissed him because everything about Frank usually screamed the opposite of soft. And right now those lips of his were moving so deliberate and slow against yours over and over again, the feel of them finally back on yours making you suddenly breathless. You quickly found yourself getting lost in him, your body melting into his as he pressed you further back into the front door. The scent of leather and gasoline and smoke filled your nose as your mind went blank to everything else but him. Frank took another step into you, his hands sensually sliding their way down your hips and around towards your ass as he kissed you exactly like a man who'd been gone for two weeks would. 

Kissing Frank for you was vastly different than kissing anyone else you ever had before. With Frank, every kiss and every touch from him always felt full of passion and something more . Something more than just lust and desire and the urge to scratch an itch. You’d never experienced that with anyone else but him, and you’d always been left wondering what that had meant.

When you felt Frank’s tongue drag its way along your lower lip so painfully slow and purposeful, you couldn't resist the faint moan that fell out of your mouth. Frank swallowed down the sound before he squeezed your ass in his large hands. Then he pulled away from you just a bit, chuckling at the whine you emitted in protest. 

"Much as I'd love to continue this, beautiful," Frank murmured, pausing to place a sweet kiss back to your lips, "It's been hours since I ate. Been drivin' all day trying to get back to you before you went to bed. D’ya mind if we catch up while I eat?"

Your right hand withdrew from its place around his neck, gradually making its way towards his face where you began to affectionately stroke his stubbled cheek. Frank’s eyes crinkled at the corners as you did. It was a moment before you answered, just enjoying the slight rasp of his beard against your fingertips, content that he was here again. Though you loved the slightly outgrown beard he always showed up with, clearly not having had a chance to shave in a few days each time you saw him again. 

"Only if you don't eat that packaged shit in your bag," you replied, gesturing your head at his duffle bag with a grimace. "I just finished dinner a bit ago, I can reheat you some of the pasta I made."

Frank's smile widened further, his hands gripping your ass firmly again. "You're too good to me, sweetheart," he told you. 

"Well somebody needs to make sure you're eating more than tuna fish from a bag and beef jerky," you shot back, nails playfully scratching along his jawline. "I need to make sure you're not malnourished out there on the road."

"Oh do you now?" he asked, his hands releasing you.

"Mhmm,” you hummed out as Frank stepped back from you, a grin forming on his lips. “You make sure you take those dirty things off before you make yourself comfortable, though," you told him, gesturing a finger down at his black boots.

Frank's grin curled up even higher before he dipped his head once in a single nod. "Yes, ma'am."

You hummed out a pleased noise before turning and making your way back to the kitchen. It came as no surprise to you that Lucky didn't follow after you, choosing to stay behind with Frank as he gathered his bag and took his boots off. 

Opening the refrigerator door, you pulled out the container of pasta you'd only minutes ago put away before setting it on the kitchen counter. Next you reached up into a cabinet, pulling down a bowl and then grabbing a fork from a nearby drawer. Afterwards, you began scooping a generous portion of food into the bowl–you knew damn well Frank ate like shit when he wasn't with you. You also knew he loved your cooking. 

As you opened the microwave door, you heard Frank's tired feet shuffling their way towards the kitchen. By the time the pasta had begun reheating in the microwave, Frank was at your back, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling the back of you into the front of him. He buried his face into your neck and you tilted your head, giving him easier access as your eyes fell closed. He nuzzled quietly against your skin for a moment, the scratch of his beard almost a tickle.

“Missed you,” he murmured into your neck.

Your hands landed on top of his arms where they were wrapped around your waist, a contented sigh slipping out of your lips. You missed him every single day he was gone, constantly checking your phone for a new text or a call or a voicemail from him. Always desperate for anything at all from him. For the past few months you’d found yourself wishing he’d just stay one of these days instead of always slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder in a few days’ time, carrying your heart off with him as he drove away in his truck.

“You know you don’t always have to leave,” you told him quietly.

Frank inhaled an audible, deep breath, holding it for a long moment before he expelled it roughly. He soon drew his face from your neck as his arms began to unwind themselves from around your waist. Your stomach nervously twisted in knots at the physical distance he was clearly creating.

You’d had this conversation with him two times before. The first time it was mostly one-sided with you doing most of the talking. The second time had resulted in a fight. Frank had gotten incredibly upset with you and you hadn’t exactly understood why before he’d grabbed his bag and disappeared. You thought that was the end of things until he’d called you a few hours later apologizing profusely. Though you didn’t see him for almost three weeks after that. 

Before he could respond with anything, the microwave beeped loudly. The sound cut through the tension that had formed in the kitchen. Clearing your throat, you focused on grabbing the hot bowl from the microwave.

“Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll grab you a beer?” you suggested, shooting him a strained smile over your shoulder.

For a moment Frank stood there silently just a foot behind you, an unreadable expression on his face. You could see the muscles jumping in his cheeks as he ground his teeth together–in anger or something else, you had no idea. It was a bit before he finally nodded, turning and shuffling his way towards your kitchen table. You watched him slide out a chair before sinking down into the seat. Lucky was at his side instantly, resting her head on his thigh.

With the steaming bowl of pasta in one hand, you made your way to the refrigerator and opened it. As you pulled out a beer for him, you could feel the weight of his stare on you.

“So what stories did you bring me back this time?” you asked him, trying to diffuse the tension as you shut the fridge door. 

Almost instantly his face lit up with a smile, another one of his deep, rumbling laughs filling your kitchen. Your nerves quickly melted away at the sound as you headed over towards him, depositing the bowl of pasta and beer in front of him on the table.

“Oh I got plenty of stories, sweetheart,” Frank told you, straightening in his chair as he grabbed the fork, hungrily spearing a few noodles.

Pulling the chair out beside his, you settled down into it before resting an elbow on the table. With a bright smile back on your face, you rested your chin in the palm of your hand, listening intently as he began to animatedly fill you in on his past two weeks.

°•°•°•°•°•°

Slowly waking, your eyelids fluttered open only to be met with the darkness of your bedroom. It took your brain a moment to register the warmth that was at your back, though you smiled in the darkness when you remembered Frank was curled up behind you with his large hand resting on your hip under the sheets. 

The tension had quickly vanished between the pair of you while Frank had eaten and the two of you had caught up. Shortly afterwards, Frank had grabbed a shower while you’d been hurriedly closing up all of the windows in your house. Then you’d made your way to the bathroom and slipped out of your clothes, joining him under the warm spray where the two of you caught up with each other in another way. 

Now he was fast asleep behind you wearing nothing but a pair of his boxers. His breathing filled your bedroom with each soft and rhythmic exhale from his mouth. You always missed having him in your bed whenever he was off on the road. It always felt too big and empty without him here sharing it with you.

That thought hit you hard right in the chest and you winced. It had been nearing a year of this long distance relationship with Frank now, and even though you’d been aware of his situation of being on the road when you’d started it with him, you’d recently come to feel differently about it. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust that he wasn’t with anyone else–though at first you’d wondered about that–but there was something there that you hadn’t been able to put your finger on before. Some other reason that his constant coming and going had started to feel different to you. That you’d stopped being so open to it.

You slipped a hand up out of the sheets, rubbing the heel of it against your eyes. That nagging feeling was back again. It was the same one that had you feeling restless and like there was something missing whenever you thought about Frank lately. With a sigh you shifted in the sheets, carefully trying to maneuver your way out of the bed and away from him without waking him up. Though you knew he was usually completely exhausted whenever he turned up on your doorstep and would sleep through just about anything.

Quietly you made your way down the side of your bed, sneaking past Lucky who was contentedly passed out in her dog bed, curled up in a tight ball. You continued to tiptoe towards the door, exiting your bedroom before continuing to make your way down the short hallway and into your kitchen. You could feel that nagging, unnamable feeling eating away at you again as you stopped beside the kitchen counter, reaching a hand up and opening a cabinet before pulling down a glass. 

Silently you made your way over to the sink, filling the cup halfway with water before you turned, resting your back against the counter. You drew the glass to your lips, sipping on the cool liquid as your eyes focused on the dark hallway nearby. Despite the stillness of your house, if you listened closely, you could hear Frank’s even breaths drifting out of the bedroom. The sound of it brought a faint smile to your lips.

And that’s when it hit you. 

Your hand tightened around the cold glass as the realization came crashing into you all at once, nearly drowning you in the revelation. You wondered how you’d been so blind to what had been right in front of you for so long.

You had fallen in love with Frank.

It had happened somewhere between all those phone calls and text messages you’d shared with him these past eight months, along with those impromptu camping trips he had brought you and Lucky with him on. Somewhere between the nights he’d cooked you dinner and taken you to bed, showing you just how much he’d missed you while he was gone. All those times he’d shown up on your doorstep–sometimes with a bouquet of flowers or with breakfast and coffees in hand–you’d fallen for him. 

There was no denying it.

Though you immediately became terrified of the realization. You knew about Frank’s past. You knew he’d been married and he’d had two children. You knew that all three of them had been brutally murdered right in front of him. And you damn well knew he still thought about them everyday–he still had nightmares some nights when he was with you. Horrible ones that made you feel useless to help him in any other way besides offering him comfort as he wept into your shoulder in the middle of the night. 

How the hell could you tell him you loved him? Did you even tell him that? 

A nervous churning began in your stomach as your eyes dropped down to the almost empty glass in your trembling hand. You were in love with a man who wasn’t a physical constant in your life. Sure, Frank kept in touch with you on and off throughout the day every single day that he was gone, but he wasn’t here with you every day. And that’s what it was you’d found yourself wanting lately. But with what he’d lost and how he seemed to keep spending his days searching for something out there on the road, could he ever even be here with you?

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you turned and dumped out the last bit of water in the sink before setting the glass on the counter. With a quivering exhale, you wrapped your arms around yourself before quietly tiptoeing back to the bedroom. Though the moment you entered, Frank began to stir in the sheets. You stopped instantly at the foot of the bed when you saw his head rise from off the pillow, his brows furrowing together.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Frank’s groggy voice asked.

Nervously you tucked some hair behind your ear, continuing back towards your side of the bed. You shook your head as you pulled the sheets further back, aware of Frank’s eyes following you through the darkness.

“No,” you answered quietly. “Just needed a glass of water.”

You slipped back onto the mattress, laying on your back this time as you turned your head along the pillow. You sent Frank a tight smile as you pulled the sheets back over yourself. A moment later you felt his hand sliding its way carefully up your neck, coming to cradle the side of your face. He carefully drew it further towards his, his thumb absently stroking your cheekbone with such tenderness that your heart stuttered in your chest. You swallowed hard, that tight band of nerves that had formed at your recent revelation in the kitchen a minute ago twisting noticeably in your gut. 

“You sure?” Frank asked.

Your brows twitched together briefly at his question. “Yeah, why?” you asked him cautiously.

“You seem…on edge,” Frank pointed out, his thumb still stroking your cheek. “Did I do somethin’?”

Instantly you shook your head, though your immediate denial only seemed to further pique his interest. He shifted on the mattress, drawing himself up onto an arm as he gazed down at you, brushing some hair from your face.

“What’s goin’ on.”

It wasn’t a question. You heard it in the tone of his voice, he knew something was wrong. Internally you cursed that Frank was such a perceptive man. 

Swallowing hard, you shook your head again as your gaze dropped down to his bare chest. The marks from your nails were still visible along his skin in the dimly lit room and your cheeks heated at the memory of your time with him in the shower earlier. But that heat quickly gave way to your nerves under Frank’s heavy stare.

You knew Frank had only ever been with you after the passing of his wife. He had never let anyone else in–he had never even slept with anyone else besides you after Maria had passed. And he’d opened up to you about a lot of the pain he carried over these past few months, too. But what you didn’t know was how he would react to this thing between you both suddenly being something more than what it had been for the past eight months. 

“Tell me,” Frank ordered.

“I just–”

You stopped, biting your bottom lip as those knots in your stomach from earlier twisted tighter and tighter. Fingers curling around the bedsheets, your eyes snapped shut. You weren’t sure if you could get the words out.

“You just what?” his gruff voice gently pressed.

Inhaling a trembling breath, you tried to find the courage to answer him. You knew he wouldn't drop this now. Maybe he’d surprise you–you hoped so–but if you were being entirely honest with yourself, you didn’t expect him to reciprocate your feelings. And you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about that, either. Could Frank ever even love you? Maybe not now, but possibly someday? Would he ever even let himself feel that way for someone that wasn't Maria? You admittedly weren't sure about the answers to those questions, and you weren't certain Frank himself even had the answers. And that scared you now more than it ever had in the past.

“Talk to me,” Frank urged when you remained silent.

“I don’t–don’t exactly know how to say this,” you whispered, the words falling out of you in a rush. “I guess I never really let myself think about it before so I–I didn’t realize it until…just now. I mean, you’re always coming and going so I’ve never really–really let myself think about the possibility that I–” your voice broke off mid-sentence. Even you could hear the tremble in your words. Closing your eyes tighter, you tried to push the words out, unable to look him in the face as you bore your heart to him next. “I love you, Frank. And I–I don’t expect to hear you say that in return to me. But I–” you sucked in a sharp breath, wincing as you repeated the confession aloud to him, “–I love you.”

Silence met your ears. You felt the way Frank’s thumb paused its repetitive movements along your cheek as he stiffened beside you in the bed. You kept your eyes clamped closed, too afraid to see his reaction. But the longer the silence dragged on in the bedroom, the worse that feeling in your stomach grew. Maybe you should have lied and not said anything at all. Even if you didn’t expect to hear him say it in return, you still expected something .

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t–”

You were cut off by Frank’s hand on your cheek pulling you towards him before his mouth was suddenly on yours. You rolled over onto your side, your right hand snaking its way around his waist and up his back, fingers digging into his hard muscles. His hand held you to him, firm but gentle, as he kissed you with an intensity you’d never felt from him before. You’d barely had a chance to register much else before he sharply broke away from you. 

Your eyes flew open at the abrupt end to that passionate kiss, confusion written all over your face. Though seconds later Frank was pressing his forehead to yours, his own eyes closed. He remained silent, not saying anything in return as his thumb began its affectionate path along your cheekbone again. For now, you took that as a positive response, one that briefly quelled the rising nerves in your stomach as you brushed your nose up against his. 

Frank pulled away from you after a moment, his lips placing two long, lingering kisses along your forehead before he settled back on his pillow. His hand released your cheek to instead wrap around your waist, drawing you further into him. Easily obliging, you snuggled up against the front of him, relaxing into the heat and comfort of his body as your eyelids briefly lowered.

He may not have said it back, but you figured that kiss meant something good, at least. You figured you had tomorrow to talk to him about it all. You’d make sense of things then. For now, you just wanted to curl up against Frank and drift to sleep in the safety of his arms.

°•°•°•°•°•°

Lucky’s high-pitched whine met your ears first. You rolled over, burying your face into your pillow and trying to block out the sunlight seeping past your curtains and hitting the back of your eyelids. You groaned, throwing a hand out to your right and hoping to pull Frank closer to you–but your hand hit the cold mattress. Instantly your head rose from your pillow, your eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to adjust to the bright light in your room. 

The space beside you was empty.

Frowning, you pushed yourself upright on the bed, your eyes surveying the bedroom. Lucky was sitting beside the bedroom door, her dark gray ears drooping as she ducked her head. She whined again as she looked back at you.

“Frank?” you called out.

When you didn’t get a response, you kicked the sheets off of yourself and hurriedly threw your legs over the side of your bed. Brows furrowing together in confusion, you stood up and made your way out of the bedroom and down the short hallway with Lucky following after you. Though you immediately came to a stop in the living room. Frank’s boots were missing from where he’d set them last night by the front door.

Your mouth went dry as your eyes flew to the couch next. His duffle bag wasn’t where he’d tossed it on the cushions before his shower last night, either. Your heart began to pound in your chest, the beating of it uneven and erratic.

“Frank?” you called out again.

No answer.

Lucky walked past you, making her way to your front window. She nuzzled the curtains out of her way as she looked outside. Feeling like you were moving in slow motion, you made your way to the window after her. Reaching a hand out, you pulled the dark blue curtains back. 

Frank’s truck wasn’t parked out front where it had been last night.

A sharp gasp fell out of you, your hand dropping the curtain and flying up to cover your mouth as you stumbled a couple of steps backwards. You could feel the burn of tears building in your eyes, a tightness forming in your chest.

Frank was gone. He must’ve slipped out of bed sometime last night or early this morning and just left without a word. A strangled noise slid out from behind your hand at that thought and you pressed your lips firmly together, trying to keep from crying. 

A desperate, hopeful thought ran through your mind next. Maybe he’d run out to grab breakfast and didn’t say anything because he thought he’d be back before you’d woken?

Hurrying back down the hallway towards your bedroom, you headed straight to your nightstand and practically ripped your phone from the charger. You unlocked it, noticing there weren’t any notifications from Frank. Opening up your contacts, you quickly found his name and dialed his number. You held the phone to your ear with bated breath.

Though it didn’t ring. Not even once. Instead, your call had gone straight to Frank’s automated voicemail.

Slowly you lowered the phone from your ear and down to your lap as you blankly sank down on the edge of your bed. Your finger ended the call as your vision began to blur from the tears quickly welling in your eyes. It wasn’t long before they began to spill forth, hot and wet as they raced down your cheeks. Lucky’s head gently lowered to your left knee as she softly whined again. Almost instantly you crumpled in half, throwing your arms around her neck as you sobbed into her fur.

Frank had left you. All because you’d gone and fallen in love with him.

[drama-glob]

SPOILERS FOR "GHOSTF**KERS!!!"

OMG!!! So much happened in this episode and just poor Blitz all around. ;_; ;_; ;_; While it's not good that he's running I.M.P. into the ground and binging junk food while watching TV, he's just in such a bad place from his fallout with Stolas and it seems like he's at the depression stage of grief; I guess he tried working through it, if the shorts do take place before this episode, but it didn't work and so he resorted to his new coping method. :/ Millie doing what she can for him is heartwarming as she continues to be his most supportive friend, even though Blitz's desire to be Bethany and try to f*ck some ghosts rather than face his actual problems is obviously just delaying things. :/

I appreciated the blatant "Scooby-Doo" reference, but things taking a very dark turn once Millie and Blitz part ways is beyond messed up. O_O We knew from the trailer that we were going to see the "ghost" mess with him and make him see his mom, but to watch her LITERALLY BURN in front of him in addition to seeing all the horribly injured versions of Millie is twisted, gut wrenching and horrific. O_O

My heart broke when Blitz didn't want Millie to touch him and yelling that he destroys everything, but I love Millie immediately going in to reassure him that he made her life better and it was soooo cool that we got to see how Millie and Blitz met. It was lovely getting to see how I.M.P. came to be and that between the other episodes we got this season, were able to see how overall everyone bettered from Blitz's involvement in their lives.^_^<3<3<3 Millie and Blitz just resting shoulder to shoulder at the end of her speech was just so sweet and felt good after all the crap Blitz just went through. <3<3<3

Big surprise that Rolando was the bad guy and anyone that didn't know that must not have seen the trailer. ;) His powers were so creepy but cool (if I'm being honest) and now we can say we saw an infestor demon in action. ;) Rolando's fight scene was scary but awesome and certainly shows he's been at this game for a while. O_O Even though seeing Tilla burn in front of him was probably still the most horrific part for me, Blitz being forced to see all those painful memories was a close second as well as him begging for Rolando to stop hurting Millie when he controls his body. ;_; ;_; ;_; Millie was right though that Blitz has this and I love that Millie beat the possession out of him. ;) I did laugh pretty hard though at the final move just being Blitz kicking the ghost sucker into the pull, but hey, it did get the ghost so I'd say the product worked...even if it did cost a couple thousand souls. ;)

Millie and Blitz just having a little chat at the end of it all felt really nice and even if Blitz is still depressed about Stolas (which I can't say I blame him), he at least doesn't have to cope as he was doing before, can start to actually heal and has Millie there to lift him up like he did for her.<3<3<3

At least Moxxie got to a happy ending too with getting to enjoy a musical and some ice cream after trying to complete his truly awful task. ;)

Such a great episode overall and that while it did hit in the feels department, I know I spiraled into way worse scenarios this could have gone (as I'm sure many of us did ;) ), so I'm glad the level of anguish was tempered by the strength of Millie and Blitz's friendship to see them through this job. ^_^<3<3<3

[alshamswelnahr]

I’d love to share why Kimetsu no Yaiba is so dear to me but I could go on for ages so instead I'll briefly talk about what I love most about it

The Characters:

The characters are the real stars of this manga. They all have such unique, recognizable designs, and their introductions and story conclusions are really memorable. Each one is so different and interesting, both in their personalities and abilities. I love how the story really dives into their minds, flaws, and connections with others. Their story arcs perfectly tie into the bigger themes of the series. The focus on bonds, especially the emphasis on family—whether by birth or the ones we create—is particularly touching. And I love the way it shows the characters dealing with the same situations of loss and grief, highlighting their distinct qualities.

The Story’s Messages:

The story focuses on how love and the desire to support others are key to finding purpose and beauty in a cruel world. It shows the power of human will to fight against injustice and make a difference, no matter how difficult things get. The narrative also humanizes even those considered inhuman, allowing us to empathize with them, and understand the circumstances that might lead someone down a dark path. The story stresses that life’s cruelty isn’t an excuse for violence; instead, true strength comes from love, emotional openness, and connecting with others. It portrays death as both a painful loss and a continuation of existence through our impact on others. It’s all about justice and accountability without revenge, showing the effects of evil on everyone involved while still insisting on the beauty of life, even with all its challenges.

The Fights:

The fights in KnY aren’t just about physical combat—they’re deep and meaningful, involving emotional, ethical, and thematic battles. They’re set up between characters who share similar experiences, but how they handle things differently really highlights their personalities and contrasts.

The Heart/Emotions:

One of the main reasons I love this manga is the emotional depth. Whether it’s the backstories of demons and slayers, heartwarming reunions, or the gut-wrenching moments when characters give in to their worst instincts, the goodbye scenes or the emphasis on the love and bonds between characters, and what they’re willing to do for each other, it's all incredibly touching.

In Conclusion:

KnY is sincere, enjoyable, and easy to follow. It’s well-paced and knows exactly what it is without trying to be something else just for the sake of it. And of course, Ufotable’s adaptation takes all of this to the next level with their amazing production, flawless animation, and incredible music and voice acting.

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

“The Outpost” Thoughts

I’ve watched this episode twice today and I just need to rant. This episode is one of the most heartbreaking and tragic episodes I’ve ever seen. Both the music and animation go to great lengths to show how utterly alone and lost Crosshair is. He’s lost everything and the only thing he has at the moment is Mayday. Side note: I love that the person who reaches out to Crosshair is a “reg” and we all know how Cross felt about them originally. The fact that Crosshair would fight for the life of a “reg” was truly heartbreaking and heartwarming. He is changing and slowly realizing how warped his views were.

The trek though the snow storm... don’t get me started because that was only adding to the pain. And the symbolism of the vulture... phenomenal.

To me, the most gut-wrenching scene was when Cross and Mayday finally get back to base. Seeing Crosshair, of all people, beg on his knees for help only to be denied broke me. I cried. He is desperate and has been crumbling but now, he has broken. The look he gives when he stares up at the ice vulture is so powerful. You can tell he has resigned his fate and he knows he can’t keep going the way he has been any longer. 

“The Outpost” is an example of peak Star Wars. It perfectly captures the tragedy of Crosshair and the emotions he’s feeling. And instead of giving us hope, they leave us on a dark note. There are consequences for Crosshair’s actions and now he’s paying the price unfortunately. I can only hope that this season ends with some comfort for him. I really hope or else Dave will hear from me. 

[live-long-and-time-warp]

So #GoodOmens2… *vague spoilers*

…was incredible. Seriously. Beautifully written, incredibly acted, and just the most heartwarming, fun ride until… until life gets in the way again. Life, pain, trauma, a search for identity, societal pressure, religious influence…

For me, the ending is perfect. It’s Aziraphale and Crowley as they’ve always been: dancing around each other, getting closer and lowering barriers over time as they come into themselves. But they have things to work out on their own before they can fully be with each other.

6,000 years of trauma is not going to be undone in a few minutes, for either of them; especially after so many back to back cataclysmic events. And no matter how much you may love someone, if you’re still trapped in your own pain you won’t be able to love them the way you want.

That’s life. It’s painful, and gut-wrenching, and I feel so terrible for Crowley AND Aziraphale for being trapped in this cycle that they’ve just been trying to survive through for so long that they never asked to be in.

But this too shall pass. They will figure things out. Because that’s what they do, and that’s who they are. They’re soulmates; they create a fundamental balance of light and dark together that’s going to clash sometimes.

But they’ll always be drawn to each other again, and when they do they will create something beautiful together; and I’m excited to see it (looking at you, @primevideo).

Thanks for all your work, @neil-gaiman ❤️

[ghost-proofbaby]

hi it's me the anon who was patiently waiting for your illicit affair inspired fic. well i have just finished it and my god it did not disappoint. not that i ever thought it would. i am quite literally composing this with tears still streaming down my face, listening to illicit affairs on loop. i am left a shell of my former self but in the best possible way. it was so heartwarming with the slow burn and positively gut wrenching by the end, I fear i will never recover. this was so worth the wait and has become my favourite fic of all time. thank you so much for giving us this gift. i am going to sharing this fic with everyone i know<3

i am so sorry for causing hurt but 😭 i am glad it didn’t disappoint!! only took me like a month to finally bite down and brave the pain that was writing that ending haha

thank you so much for also constantly sending in anons and showing me someone out there was looking forward to it 🖤

[writingforrhys]

HIIII hello!! I stumbled upon your blog and I just NEED to say that your writing is literally chefs kiss, I cannot stop thinking about smaller than this and as you were, it has me so feral I literally cannot 🥹 CASSIAN- 🥹 cassian is my absolute favorite and I just. The way I just tumbled into the acotar rabbithole because of your fics (as if my obsession with it was not bad enough already 😭🤚) please I swear to God I'm literally thinking of as you were all the time because of how much HEART WRENCHING GUT TWISTING pain I felt while reading smaller than this 😭😭😭 wah. I am so obsessed with your writing I just need u to know that i think it's literally amazing 🙏

this is just the most lovely, heartwarming message someone could ever send!!!! thank you so much for your support - it really really means the world. i can't tell you enough how grateful i am! i'm so happy you've loved what i've put out so far, and some new stuff is on the horizon so keep a look out! <3

[dogmomhat]

Tales of Tail-Wagging Joy: Dogs Reunited with Their Owners

Nothing tugs at the heartstrings quite like the story of a lost dog finding its way back home. These emotional reunions between lost dogs and their loving families are filled with tears, wagging tails, and joyful barks. Let's dive into some touching tales of tail-wagging joy and explore the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany these heartwarming reunions.

The Heartbreak of Losing a Furry Friend

The Day They Went Missing

One of the most gut-wrenching experiences for any pet owner is realizing their beloved dog has gone missing. The initial panic, the frantic searches, and the countless flyers posted around the neighborhood are just the beginning of a long, anxious wait.

The Uncertainty and Hope

As days turn into weeks, hope might waver, but it never truly disappears. The uncertainty is painful, but the thought of a joyous reunion keeps many dog owners going. They hold onto every sliver of hope, waiting for that one phone call or sighting that will bring their furry friend back home.

Touching Reunion Stories

Max and Sarah: A Year-Long Separation

Max, a spirited Golden Retriever, had always been Sarah's faithful companion. One fateful day, he darted out of the yard chasing after a squirrel and didn't return. Despite extensive searches and numerous flyers, Max was nowhere to be found. Almost a year later, Sarah received a call from a shelter two towns over. They had found Max! The reunion was nothing short of magical. Max leaped into Sarah's arms, his tail wagging furiously, as if no time had passed at all.

Bella's Miracle Homecoming

Bella, a tiny Chihuahua with a big personality, disappeared during a family camping trip. The terrain was rugged, and hopes of finding her dwindled with each passing day. Miraculously, six months later, a hiker spotted a little dog resembling Bella near the campsite. The hiker contacted the local animal rescue, who scanned Bella’s microchip and reached out to her family. The reunion was filled with happy tears and Bella’s excited yips, proving that miracles do happen.

Rocky's Social Media Rescue

When Rocky, a playful Beagle, went missing, his owner, John, took to social media for help. A post with Rocky's picture and last known location went viral, shared thousands of times by pet lovers across the city. Within days, a kind stranger spotted Rocky near a park and contacted John. The moment John and Rocky reunited was captured on video, showcasing Rocky’s enthusiastic jumps and John’s tears of joy—a testament to the power of community and social media.

See this post to understand more about Your Canine Body Language:

Why Dogs Go Missing

The Wanderlust

Some dogs are natural explorers. A captivating scent or a fleeting squirrel can trigger their innate wanderlust, leading them far from home. Breeds with high prey drives, like hounds and terriers, are particularly prone to this adventurous behavior.

Scary Sounds

Loud noises, such as fireworks or thunderstorms, can spook dogs, causing them to bolt in fear. Many dogs have an acute sensitivity to sound, and a sudden loud noise can trigger a flight response, leading them to run until they're far from the source of their fear.

Human Error

Sometimes, a simple mistake, like leaving a gate open or a leash unclipped, can lead to a dog’s disappearance. It’s a stark reminder of the importance of vigilance when it comes to our furry friends’ safety.

Tips to Prevent Your Dog from Getting Lost

Secure Your Yard

Ensure your yard is escape-proof. Regularly check for holes or weak spots in the fence. Consider adding a secondary barrier or using a GPS tracker collar for added security.

Use Identification

Always have your dog wear a collar with an ID tag that includes your current contact information. Microchipping your dog is another effective way to ensure they can be identified if found.

Supervise Outdoor Time

Never leave your dog unattended in an unfenced area. Even in a fenced yard, supervision is crucial, especially for dogs prone to digging or jumping over fences.

Train Recall Commands

Training your dog to respond reliably to recall commands can be a lifesaver. Practice recall in various settings and reward your dog generously to reinforce the behavior.

The Joy of Reunions

The Emotional Rollercoaster

The moment of reunion is an emotional high unlike any other. Dogs express their joy through enthusiastic jumps, wagging tails, and happy barks, while owners are often moved to tears. The bond between a dog and its owner is deep and unconditional, and these reunions highlight the strength of that connection.

Building a Stronger Bond

After a dog has been lost and found, the bond between dog and owner often strengthens. The experience underscores the importance of each other’s presence, fostering an even deeper sense of love and loyalty.

Conclusion

The tales of dogs being reunited with their owners are a testament to the unbreakable bond between humans and their canine companions. These stories remind us to cherish every moment with our pets, take preventative measures to keep them safe, and never lose hope if they go missing. The joy of reunion, with all its tail-wagging excitement, is a powerful reminder of the love and loyalty our furry friends bring into our lives.

Check this article: 12 Ideas to Delight Pet Lovers on Any Occasion to cherish every moment with your pets.

FAQs

What should I do if my dog goes missing? Start by searching the immediate area. Create and distribute flyers, contact local shelters, and post on social media. Microchipping your dog can also help in reuniting you.

How can I prevent my dog from running away? Secure your yard, supervise outdoor time, use proper identification, and train your dog to respond to recall commands.

Why do dogs run away during loud noises? Dogs can be sensitive to loud sounds like fireworks or thunderstorms. These noises can trigger a fear response, causing them to run in an attempt to escape the sound.

What is the best way to search for a lost dog? Conduct a thorough search of your neighborhood, contact local shelters and vets, distribute flyers, and use social media to spread the word.

How does microchipping help in finding a lost dog? Microchipping provides a permanent form of identification that can be scanned by shelters and vets, helping to quickly reunite lost dogs with their owners.

[nothwell]

Thanks to Imaginary for this heartwarming review of Fiorenzo!

~

This was. Absolutely incredible. I'm still thinking about this days later. The mask, the stockings, the medical scenes… it was raw and angst and devotion and so perfect and sweet and surprising.

It was hard for me to get into at first, I think just because the author does a masterful job with pacing and I have negative patience, so watching Enzo and Fiore meet and dance around each other was a bit maddening. But they were also gut-wrenching in the best way, and this novel really is one of those that will decimate you in the most delicious way before offering a balm in the end.

I'll read.this again and again. Content warnings I'm the beginning of the book are very important, but even the hard, painful, ugly moments were done with such care. Selfishly, I want to read so much more about these characters.

This was my first Nothwell read, and it definitely won't be my last.

~

FIORENZO is a queer fantasy-of-manners romance featuring secret identities, hurt/comfort, and a happily-ever-after. Out now wherever fine books are found!

Amazon • Apple Books • Barnes & Noble • Kobo • Smashwords

[detectiveagency1]

Missing Persons Cases: The Search for Loved Ones in Delhi

Introduction

In the bustling heart of India, where millions call home, there exists a deeply unsettling phenomenon - the disappearance of loved ones. Delhi, known for its vibrant culture and rich history, also harbors countless stories of missing persons

The Disappearing Act: A Startling Reality

Delhi, with its vast population and transient nature, is particularly vulnerable to missing persons cases. People arrive here from across the country, seeking opportunities and a better life. Sometimes, they vanish without a trace. Detective agencies in Delhi often deal with cases where individuals are simply swallowed by the anonymity of the city. The reasons vary from personal issues to exploitation by criminal elements.

The Gut-Wrenching Wait

For families of missing persons, every day is a painful journey of hope and despair. Their lives are marked by unanswered questions, sleepless nights, and a relentless yearning to see their loved ones again. Detective agency in Delhi not only shoulder the responsibility of finding the missing but also provide emotional support to these grieving families. It’s a race against time and fading memories.

The Unsung Heroes: Delhi’s Detectives

In the face of such heart-wrenching cases, Delhi’s detective agencies serve as beacons of hope. These professionals are more than investigators; they are lifelines for families in distress. Armed with modern investigative techniques, they tirelessly work to locate missing persons, often tracing their footsteps across the city and beyond.

The Role of Technology

Technology has become an indispensable ally in the quest for missing persons. From advanced surveillance systems to facial recognition software, Delhi’s detective agencies employ a wide range of tools to piece together the puzzle. They leave no digital stone unturned, scanning social media, mobile records, and CCTV footage for crucial leads.

Human Trafficking: A Gruesome Reality

One of the darker aspects of missing persons cases in Delhi is the specter of human trafficking. Vulnerable individuals, including children, are often the targets of ruthless trafficking networks. Detective agency collaborate with law enforcement agencies to dismantle these criminal networks, ensuring the safe return of victims to their families.

The Legal Maze

Navigating the legal aspects of missing persons cases is another challenge. Detective agency in Delhi have to work in close coordination with the police and the legal system. Sometimes, cases take unexpected turns, and families face bureaucratic hurdles. Detectives act as intermediaries, ensuring that the legal process is swift and effective.

Hope Amidst Despair

While many missing persons cases in Delhi have tragic endings, some conclude with joyful reunions. Detective agencies often share in the heartwarming moments when families are finally reunited with their loved ones. These reunions are a testament to the unwavering dedication of Delhi’s detectives.

Conclusion

The world of Missing persons cases in Delhi is a somber one, marked by pain, uncertainty, and heartbreak. Yet, it’s also a realm where hope, determination, and the unyielding spirit of families shine through. Detective agency in Delhi play a pivotal role in this journey, offering a ray of hope amidst the despair. As they continue to search for the missing, these professionals not only bring closure to families but also demonstrate the power of relentless pursuit in the face of adversity. The missing may be lost, but they are never forgotten, thanks to the unwavering efforts of those who refuse to give up the search.

[existential-queeer]

Ok but like....listen.

I just think it's so profound

So precious

So adorable

So moving

So GUT WRENCHING

So HEARTWARMING

That the ONLY person that entire episode to physically console/comfort Buck, after watching his boyfriend bestfriend get shot which is clearly causing him unspeakable amounts of guilt and pain, is Chris.

Bobby, his father figure, never hugged him.

Maddie, his sister, never hugged him.

Carla, the queen herself, never hugged him.

Athena, his mother figure, never hugged him.

Taylor, his LI, tried to touch him outside the hospital, but it was brief and there was no comforting hug involved. And then when she did touch him for longer than 3 seconds, it was to KISS him rather than comfort him.

The ONLY person who physically comforts Buck and gives him the hug he so desperately needed after what he saw, was Chris.

Not "Christopher Diaz, the son of his coworker, just like he is to everyone else"

But "Christopher Diaz, HIS son. The one who he will be the legal guardian of if anything happens to his blood related father. The one who looks at him as a second father."

This just shows us how strong of a bond the Buckley-Diaz household is. They are most definitely a family unit of their own and honestly they have the best dynamic.

When Athena broke down, Bobby, her husband, was there to comfort her with open arms.

When Hen and Karen struggled with IVF and losing Nia, they comforted each other and even took a vacation to recenter themselves.

When Maddie admitted she needed help and broke down to Chim, he was there to hold her hand and promise to get her the help she needed.

And now we have Buck, who is devastated after watching Eddie, his partner, be shot in front of him. His entire world has been turned upside down. Nothing makes sense to him at the moment. The one person he counts on to keep him grounded isn't there and he's losing it.

But Chris, his unofficial son, is the one to console him and tell him it's going to be ok. Because that's what families do. In a way, it's an extension of Eddie letting him know it's going to be alright.

That's. What. Families. Do.

[duskisnigh]

I absolutely adore your comics!!! Everything from the art and composition to the gut wrenching twists and dialogue. It just seems like you can depict mood shifts so well!! I don't know how to explain it but reading them is always so riveting, whether it's a scene that is super comedic, dramatic, tragic, heartwarming, or a mix.

How do you plan out your comics and come up with such wonderful ideas! And do you have any advice on getting into comic-making or storytelling in general? Thank you!!

Ahhhhhh thank you!! I'm so happy you like the storytelling!

I don't feel qualified to give advice because I'm literally just vibing but I can tell you what I do? So mind, what I'm about to say is what works for a beginner self-taught fanartist.

I almost never come up with stories/ideas with the intention of making a comic. I'd say 99% of the time I'm just thinking about my favourite characters, happen to land on an idea I like well enough, and think 'oh I think other people might like this as well'.

Usually the ideas are a scene or a single sentence premise. Most often, it's 'would it be [funny/tragic/awkward] if this happened', or an emotionally intense moment, such as character A holding B while they bleed out. So if I like the premise/scene well enough I start building around it - how did the characters get to this point?

Once I've formulated a story that works well enough on its own (it's at least got a set-up and a punchline), I test it by running it through my head repeatedly and checking that it still elicits the intended emotional reponse. Say, if I literally felt a pang of pain in my heart in first time I thought about the idea, do I still feel the same sadness after playing the scene in my head for the 15th time? If I couldn't help but chuckle the first time round, does it still make me giddy when I think about it, three weeks later? Most ideas die here.

If I'm confident enough that the idea is emotionally effective, I'll start planning the panels and dialogue. At this point I'll usually have at least 70% of the dialogue planned out and memorized word for word because it's been playing inside my head repeatedly. The rest usually comes from having to add in transition panels because it wasn't obvious that the audience needed additional information between one scene and the next when it wasn't on paper yet.

I've got a long way to go in terms of panelling effectively but using references is definitely the way to go. I definitely have Haikyuu open in a tab when I'm looking for ideas. Generally I just make sure to allocate more page space when something signficiant is happpening/being said. Also, more panels when you're trying to slow down the pace of the story (e.g. important heart-to-heart between characters), less when the opposite applies (e.g. time passing).

The last thing to think about when making comics is modal affordance! As in, what is the medium of 'comics' able to do that illustrations, animation, and text can't? And then use this to your advantage! For example, it's harder to depict a whole conversation or a series of different actions with a single illustration. In animation, there's no point having multiple characters saying or doing things at the same time, because the audience won't be able to catch it all, whereas several conversations can happen in one single comic panel, and you can add as many character shinanegans in the background as you like. In text, if you want the audience to know something exists, you must necessarily describe it - which means it's easier to hide a chekov's gun in the background in visual mediums.

[tobirama-seppuku]

Okay I finished hxh. Final thoughts under the cut. Tw for lots of blood and anime death gifs

I'm not fully satisfied w the ending. I think they meant to continue the series for much longer.

I mean, Gon and Killua's stories were wrapped up beautifully--I fucking love Alluka actually she has an adorable relationship with her brother, glad she's no longer a Fucking Prisoner--they don't need anything else, they were wrapped up perfectly. Even if I still think Gon should've punched the shit out of Ging that boy needs to APOLOGIZE for abandoning his son actually. But. I feel like. They could've done more with Kurapika and Leorio, you know? Especially Leorio. Comic relief character aside I think they could've given him an actual arc rather than him being stuck as a really good conman who knows his way around financial roadblocks with a heartwarming backstory. I think Kurapika's story could've been continued as well, with the Phantom Troupe still very much alive and wreaking havoc and his ultimate goal of collecting his clan's remains being continued offscreen, his friends unable to contact him because of his tunnel vision. They set up so much right before the ending that I think they truly had the potential to keep it going naturally for longer! Like, it hadn't reached the point of series burnout, I don't think. Yes, it REALLY FUCKING DRAGGED at parts, god I never want to binge this again purely because of the chimera ant arc being so fucking extended, but there are some really good parts of this series that I'd love to recommend people watch for if it weren't for the times where it lost its speed. You want to tell me that like 20 episodes in the ant arc were condensed into 3 in-universe minutes? Fuck offffff. But like. Ugh. Maybe it's just because I watched the remaster instead of the original 144p version made forever ago but there was still things I believe they could have done

Its biggest strength to me was that it made psychology actually work with the story. They understand the concept of mental fortitude and the human being's mental limits. There were several very real and very visceral breakdowns onscreen, human anguish and terror beautifully conveyed in a way a lot of series can't replicate while having a fucking magic system like this one. There were some scenes that were so gut-wrenching I really broke out in a sweat. It's captivating. I mean, the effect really isn't there if you haven't watched the series itself but it REALLY squeezes your heart because this is a fucking 12yo kid who doesn't know what to fucking do to help his friend in such a deep pit of despair and vitriol he doesn't even resemble the same person anymore. It's awful, it's hard to watch, and it's so well done it's incredible

One thing I didn't get is how it got so morbid and serious at parts but came across as a feel-good family-friendly anime the rest of the time. There were parts that got so fucking real and horrific-- IT'S LIKE

NOT TO MENTION child neglect and abandonment, selling human parts on the black market, cannibalism, mass human consumption, extreme poverty & capitalism, mafias & gangs, and the main character going so far beyond his physical limits that he turns into a burnt, mummified corpse on LIFE SUPPORT AT AGE 12

There are onscreen deaths the likes of which are so disgusting it's impossible to imagine the pain of. The sound design makes you sick sometimes. People are turned into meatballs,

they're wrung to death with blood painting the walls,

they're shot like 10 times and eaten piece by piece by inhuman creatures to where all that's left is a puddle of blood on the ground,

their heads are crushed with this sick, disgusting crunching sound that makes you flinch,

heads are removed every other fight scene,

necks are snapped faster and more often than you can humanly process,

and one character got punched in the face until their skull was so caved in it was actually literally just a puddle of blood splattered on the ground which I can't even FIND A GIF OF because it's such a low point for Gon that the community doesn't want to acknowledge it happened. He attributed to one of the most gruesome deaths in the series because he was so blinded by rage that he verged on inhuman. It was awful.

Maybe I'm just bitching because my binge is over idk but I really feel like there was meant to be more content or that the writers were throttled in what they could show and say. I feel like they were held back from going all of the way in either direction, maybe because the main characters were such young kids that they would inevitably attract a young audience, and didn't want backlash from parents. It's hard to pinpoint but someone decided not to go all-out and it caused this effect where it gets so close to rated R but just barely skims by because the dialogue is simple due to it being that of tweens and teens. It's almost fascinating. Idk but that concludes my thoughts on the whole thing

[i-do-it-for-the-gays]

So we’re all well aware Marvel’s track record has been shoddy these past few years. For every one good piece of media they make, it feels like there’s two or three flops… but one thing I will say about Phase 4 is that we’re finally getting to see some humanity from these characters. Sure there was always the “human” element to the “superhuman” genre. In particular Tony’s PTSD that was constantly being showcased from Iron Man 3 on, and (while we all know it’s the weakest link) AoU was exemplary in utilizing Wanda’s talents to showcase some Avengers’ specific weak points, i.e. Tony’s PTSD from the Battle of New York, Steve’s desire to return to a simpler time and live out the life he wished he had had, and Natasha’s… well Natasha’s was a lot to unpack and they glossed over that trauma real quick. All that being said we saw the brief glimpses of humanity that’s inside all of our favorite heroes. It was one of the first times aside from Iron Man 3 where they weren’t afraid to say, “Hey your heroes still bleed like you and I,” and I appreciated those moments… but again, these were just brief moments of emotion. Little pockets of vulnerability designed to remind us that there is indeed a human inside the suit and subsequently that the price of wearing that suit often times comes at a steep cost.

Which is why this new phase is slowly becoming one of my favorites to watch. Sure the fancy CGI and flashy fight sequences are great but some of my favorite moments in the MCU have come from the characters’ worst. Natasha’s near catatonic state is finally broken once she hears Lila ask if Clint brought “Auntie Nat.” It’s the most heartwarming 15 secs in that heap of dung that was AoU. My all time personal favorite moment from the MCU however, comes from Black Panther. When T’Challa is forced to confront his father’s transgressions and accept that the man he saw as a hero, his hero, was not necessarily the man he really was it was absolutely gut wrenching yet beautiful. And if we’re being honest, most of us will have to confront our preconceptions of someone we idolize at some point in our lives which makes it all the more relatable and powerful.

But again these are just moments. They aren’t necessarily the sole focus of the film. Not like they are slowly becoming with these Disney+/Phase 4 shows. I think the greatest examples of what I mean are WandaVision and Hawkeye.

Starting with WandaVision it is, at it’s core, a show that tackles the complexities of grief and loss. Yes, Wanda has “snapped.” Her psyche has been fractured by a nearly insurmountable ton of sadness and pain. That kinda suffering and trauma would and HAS broken people before. The only difference here is that, given both the nature and strength or her powers, her breakdown took an entire town hostage. But this type of coping mechanism isn’t as uncommon as one might think and on a much lesser scale most of us have day-dreamt of the “perfect world” when things get too dark. Which is what makes WandaVision so compelling. Grief and loss are so pivotal to the human experience and to see a superhuman who can wield so much power at the tips of her fingers be just absolutely broken and defeated… well it devastates. More importantly however, we connect. The more of the human experience they translate onto the screen the more we relate. And that’s what makes this new phase so fantastic to watch. It feels the most human it’s felt in a long time.

I know I’ve already dragged on for way too long but I have one more thing to add to really drive my point home… All of Hawkeye is great. It’s one of the best things to come out of Phase 4 thus far and in just 6 episodes it does more for the character of Clint Barton than all of the Infinity Saga combined. There’s plenty of wonderful little moments where humanity is perfectly displayed but I think the scene that really showcases the emotional maturity of this new phase is the final confrontation/conversation between Yelena and Clint. There’s so much there to unpack but I think the most important part is when Clint says to Yelena, “She made her choice… we’re gonna have to find a way to live with that.” I MEAN COME ON. In only a few words Clint perfectly describes the hurt, anger, betrayal, and sadness they’re both feeling at the loss of Natasha. For Clint there’s anger and hurt at both himself for not winning and letting his best friend slip through his fingers (literally), and at Natasha for not letting him make that sacrifice instead. For Yelena there’s the anger and hurt but most importantly the feeling of betrayal at learning Natasha chose to die. She feels abandoned and is desperate to be mad at Clint instead of her sister who is the hero in her mind (and rightfully so because she is.) That’s what makes Clint’s declaration so damn impactful. Natasha Romanoff was many things to many people but at the end of the day she was loved. And it’s those that loved her that now have to carry the burden of her actions for the rest of their lives. Because the largest cost of war will always be the human cost and it’s one thing to lose someone to a common enemy and another to lose them of their own volition…

[justasparkwritings]

Merry & Bright {12}: Blue Memories

Previous: Like I Do 

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Angst!!!!!

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Swearing! Heartache! 

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: Seokjin recounts the 2.5 Christmases you spent together.

Listening: Blue Christmas, Michael Buble 

Master List: Merry & Bright 2021

Tag List 

Tag List: @knjkitten​ @mochikeyds​

        “What’s a man like you doing in a bar, twelve days from Christmas?” The bartender asked. He filled Jin’s glass for the second time, a generous pour, definitely more than a solid refill.

        “Trying to forget.”

        “Who was she?” He asked. He was new – new to the restaurant. Jin’s brother, Seokjung, had taken over daily operations of their shared restaurant. He fully knows the manager hired this bartender, who he supposes does his job well.

        Seokjin shook his head in a pathetic answer – he can’t help it, the pain is still fresh and aching in his body.

        When his words finally found their way out of his vocal cords, it’s in a short phrase. “My ex.”

        “Oh no – recent breakup?”

        Jin didn’t give an immediate answer, instead he sat on it. Who or what determined what recent meant? Recent in his mind? Recent in his bones? Recent in terms of weeks or days or months since it happened? Who was to say – times a construct, especially in a pandemic.

       “Define recent?” Jin asked.

        “Your wounds are still fresh, yeah?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Tell me about her,” The bartender poured two shots, one for Jin, one for himself. They said their cheers before tossing it back. Somehow, this show of solidarity pushed his hazed mind to commit to telling this stranger, who most certainly recognized him, the following story.

3 Years Ago

        The happen stance for how you and Jin met isn’t important – what is important is that on a December night quite like this, sometime after his birthday, they sat in a bar not unlike this one. Dim lighting, candles on each table, boughs of holly and Christmas lights tastefully placed throughout the establishment. He was smiling – you always made him smile.

“Liking sad Christmas songs doesn’t mean I don’t like Christmas,” You said, laughing over your very hot cup of mulled wine. Seokjin, his black hair growing long, smiled devilishly and absolutely unconvincingly at you.

        “I’m not sure that’s true,” He teased.

        “Blue Christmas is a classic, an American classic, a standard in the genre of sad heartbroken Christmas bops. I won’t apologize for loving it,” You smiled sheepishly.

        Seokjin nodded in agreement. “Good, I wouldn’t want you to.”

        “But if we ever do Christmas Karaoke, we’re definitely singing it.”

        “Yay, why?” He uncrossed his arms, setting his large hands against the table with a loud smack. “We could duet something sweet like –

        “Last Christmas?” You laughed.

        “No!”

        You calmed yourself, knowing exactly what he was hinting at. “All I Want for Christmas Is You?”

        “Exactly!”

        “Maybe, but I’m telling you, Blue Christmas is a jam,” You shrugged.

        “What other sad Christmas songs do you like?”

        “Last Christmas, Yule Shot Your Eye Out, Christmas Makes Me Cry, um,” You stopped, how many truly sad Christmas songs did you know?

        “If you can only think of three, I’m not sure you’re really a sad Christmas song aficionado,” He was jesting, teasing lightly in that flirty, I’m so into you, are you so into me, way that felt natural at the beginning of a relationship.

        “I never claimed to be!”

        “I’m not sure about that,” Jin winked, his slight turn of phrase not going unnoticed by you. He didn’t have to hide it, he liked you – had been liking you for a while now. Well, three months exactly.

        “Why are you staring at me like that?” You had asked, the gold in your eyeshadow reflecting the light, your heartwarming and gut wrenching smile tugging at his heart.

        He cocked an eyebrow, his smirk spreading deftly across his lips. “Like what?”

        “Like I’m a secret you’re promising to keep.”

        “Will you be my girlfriend?” Seokjin asked, leaning forward until his chest pressed against the table, extending his hands for you to take.

        “You want to be my boyfriend?” You asked.

        “Yes, if you’ll have me.”

        “I – yes, but that means we get to still date other people, right?” You were kidding, he knew it, you knew it, but it was still funny watching his ears turn red.

        Suspiciously, he took in the kindness of your eyes and the glint of humor reflecting in the candlelight. “I’d prefer if we didn’t.”

        “Me too. Hm, Seokjin my boyfriend,” You cooed.

        “Y/N, my girlfriend,” He responded.

        “You gonna take me home and make good on it?” You asked.

        “Aish, we’re still in public!” Seokjin covered his face with his hands while you giggled.

        Jin was impressed he remembered it in so much detail. He continued his tale after requesting the largest glass of water the bartender could find. It had been so simple then, so simple and fun and loving. He fell so swiftly he nearly got whiplash, only to be reassured that you had easily fallen at the same rate as him, landing on your feet, your hand open for his.

2.5 Years Ago

        “Why are you listening to that?” Jin asked, stepping into your apartment, and taking his shoes off.

        “What do you mean?” You called, lowering the volume to better hear him.

        Jin chuckled, his telltale, you know perfectly why, laugh that was usually accompanied by a question where you inevitably ended up in his arms, laughing hysterically. “It’s July, love. Why are you listening to that awful Christmas song in July?”

        “It’s Christmas in July!” Your tone and the roll of your gentle brown eyes exaggerated your statement, a loud duh in his face.

        “Is that some American thing you’re trying to bring over here?” He snorted, arms reaching for you. You pulled him down onto the couch, and he obliged.

        “Maybe,” He leaned in, a kiss gently meeting your lips. You held him to you, fingers tugging the hair at the name of his neck. “It’s fun though, isn’t it?”

        “I don’t think so,” He shook his head.

        “Jinnie,”

        “Yes love?”

        You stared up at him, eyes scanning his features, committing them to memory in the event that he disappeared or worse… was plastered across Seoul mocking you when this eventually ended.

        “What are you thinking?” He whispered, hands finding purchase on your waist.

        “That I want to savor every moment with you,” You answered honestly.

        “Why?”

        He knew the look in your eyes, the melancholy prophetic gaze you took on whenever you were feeling particularly in touch with your emotions. “People are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out.”

        “Who said that?” Jin had heard it before.

        “Taylor Swift.”

        “Why do you think we won’t work out?”

        “Just, statistics.”

        Jin kissed your forehead, lips lingering on your skin a moment longer than was maybe necessary. “Is this because I won’t watch a Christmas movie with you?”

        “I haven’t asked.”

        “I will you know, if you want to cuddle on the couch and pretend to watch but really make out under a blanket,” Jin kissed you again. “We can.”

        “That’s one reason I lov-

        You stopped.

        “Go on,” He encouraged. You hated the sudden rush of hope in his eyes, because he could be hopeful you were going to say it, but you were dreading him not returning the sentiment.

        “No,” You snapped.

        “No?”

        “No – I’m not. No.”

        “I love you,” Jin said clearly. “And you’re ridiculous.”

        “You love me?” You asked.

        “Mm, I thought you already knew.”

        “That’s the half?” The bartender asks.

        “Yep, the half in the 2.5,” Jin is sobering up, the water helping him adjust and find clarity in the narrative he’s retelling.

        The bartender refilled another patron’s glass and prepped two drinks for a table in the corner before returning back to Jin. “Why not birthdays?”

        “What do you mean?”

        “Why not count birthday’s you spent together, instead of Christmases?”

        “I don’t know,” Jin pauses, he supposes it wouldn’t be easier. You spent the same number of birthdays together as Christmases. “She really loved Christmas. Always wanted to spend it with our friends.”  

        Jin, having sobered enough, calls his driver and spends the too quiet ride home finishing his tale to himself.

2 Years Ago

        “Jin – come on! It’s our first real Christmas together!” You tried to argue.

        “What about last year? Wasn’t that real?”

        “I had just become your girlfriend! I didn’t even know what to get you for Christmas, or your birthday, so I painted you a mug and bought you a book you’ve never once opened!”

        “I love that mug,” Jin said.

        “I know, but please?”

        “I have performances.”

        Your sadness was beginning to take over, hurt in your sorrowful eyes, tears already threatening to drown you. “New Years?”

        “I perform on New Years.”

        “Jinnie,”

        “I have to work.”

        “But, Bangtan loves a good party! Can’t we just host the seven of you and everyone’s partners? A Christmas party one evening. I’ll cook, or we can have it catered.” You offered suggestion after suggestion, all plausible and possible. And yet…

        “I don’t know, I’ll ask.”

        You took the little disappointment in stride. “Have you told them?”

        “Told them?” Jin cocked his brow, uncertain which thing you were referring to. The topic of unprotected sex? The naughty things you’ve recently done in bed? The conversation about your future together?

        “Jin!”

        “Oh!” It clicked. “That we’re moving in together?”

        “Yes, have you told them?”

        “No.”

One Year Ago

        “I can’t believe you!” You snapped, hands tugging at your hair swiftly as you tucked it into a tight ponytail. “I can’t!”

        “Y/N,” Jin scolded. “It’s not a big deal.”

        “It is Jin! Have you not noticed how little we see each other?”

        “I, I know.”

        “We fucking live together and I don’t see you at all. We’re in the middle of a damn pandemic Jin, and I see you less than when we weren’t. I haven’t seen my family in almost a year and you’re supposed to be my rock. You’re supposed to be there for me.”

        “I’m trying!”

        “Are you?”

        “Please, don’t. I don’t want to fight.”

        It was a weak argument, but not a total lie. He didn’t want to fight, but he also didn’t want to acknowledge his failings.  

        “No, Jin. Tell me you’re really fucking trying to make this work and I’ll back down.”

        “I am, trying.”

        “So, why haven’t I seen you in five days?”

        Jin hung his head, frustration blooming, his anger rising and rising, the pressure stifling.

        “Because! Because I’m fucking busy! I work endlessly and it’s never enough! The pressure is consuming me and I’m sorry that after a day spent working my body and my mind to the max I don’t come home and fall at your feet! I’m exhausted. I don’t have the energy to listen to you go on about your coworkers or –

        He stopped, his words faltering and slipping from his mind so quickly, it’s like they never existed.

        “I can’t do this, Jin.” You said, eyes dead set on him.

        “Do what?”

        “This relationship. I can’t be the last item on your list of priorities. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know who you’ve become, but it’s clear I’m not a part of your growth or journey anymore,” Your voice had been so calm, so steady, it scared the shit out of him.  

                The driver fiddles with the dial, and soon Jin is being pulled from his reverie to the present moment.

        “Turn it up, please,” He requests.

        The music swells, and he’ll be damned if it isn’t a cover of one of the saddest Christmas songs in existence.

You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white And I'll, I'll, have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas Yes, I'll have a blue Christmas

        And for the first time in a year… he let his blues out in a downpour of salty tears. 

Next: Not Another Christmas Movie

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: Reminders of Him by Colleen Hoover

COLLEEN HOOVER IS THE QUEEN OF TEARS.

There, I've said it.

Something I've come to appreciate about her storytelling, aside from her simple diction and candid prose, is her knack for telling compelling romances that are as emotional in scope as they are human in their exploration of what it means for people to make mistakes or not have it all figured out. After all, who among us does?

Even though I know I'll need a box of tissues because I'm bound to bawl my eyes out at some point while reading, I like that her books make me ruminate in my feelings. That her characters, with all their flaws, with all their problems or moral gray complexities, feel accessible in a way that means I can almost reach out and touch them. Why? Because I know someone like that. Or, if I don't, if I haven't met someone similar yet, she makes it so easy for me to imagine that one day I could or that I will.

To me, that is the draw of CoHo's work. Her romances aren't just romances. They're Romance Relatable.

What I mean by that is her stories ingrain, they elevate. They are able to transcend the simple confines of the romance genre and transform into something more material, more real-life-bearing, because of their inclusion of universal themes (such as tragedy, empathy, pain, forgiveness, guilt, second chances, etc.) that not only plunge readers deep into the throes of relatable human experience with the characters but also, in the words of Adele, "play [their] hearts to the beat."

Reminders of Him is a book that manages to do this. And to do it agonizingly well.

After serving five years in prison for involuntary manslaughter, Kenna returns to the town where it all went sideways. Hoping to reunite with her four-year-old daughter, Diem, who was taken from her at birth and is now being raised by her dead boyfriend's parents, she finds herself rebuffed. Shut down. With nearly everybody in her daughter's orbit refusing to let her be a part of the little girl's life, no matter how hard she tries to do the right thing and earn their forgiveness.

The only person who doesn't write her off completely is Ledger Ward, the owner of a local bar.

The two of them connect at first meeting, but things get complicated when his connection to her past and present is made clear. Ledger's main priority is to protect Diem, whom he loves as if she was his own child, and not upset Scotty's parents, who are still mourning the loss of their son and cannot forgive the woman who took him from them, but the more he learns about Kenna the more he starts to question if keeping mother and daughter apart is the right thing to do.

As expected, this book was emotionally turbulent. Raw.

That said, I think its major strength came from the fact that it read more like a life story than a simple love story. Readers are thrown into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions to show that nothing in life is black and white, especially not for these characters who have suffered through a terrible tragedy and are justified in feeling the way they do as they try to come to peace with it. As they learn to move on. Forgive.

Aren't there a lot of us out there who can relate to that? Who are hoping for a second chance of our own? I'd like to think so.

I also really liked Kenna's letters to Scotty. They emanated a P.S. I Love You energy that both gutted me to the core because it was obvious how much she missed him, how much she once adored him, and filled me with a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, he was still looking out for everyone he had to leave behind. Scotty's presence, though ephemeral, was felt in a real way throughout the book, and I appreciated that. Traces of him were everywhere, cherished as well as mourned by all the people he loved, and that felt authentic to me. It reminded me how we carry little pieces of the people we lose with us after they're gone. They become a part of us. Not only who we are, but who we become.

All in all, I thought this was equal parts heartwarming and heart wrenching. Compulsively readable. Kenna and Ledger were so easy to love because I empathized with them: their guilt, their regret, their connection. My only grievance is that the ending felt abrupt, the major conflict far too easily resolved.

Other than that, I was captivated this book. I was moved by it. I'd want it with me on any deserted island I found myself on because only there, alone, would my pigeon tears go unheard.

4/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads