#heartfirst 10

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen: Wembley

Plot: After a devastating blow is dealt to Y/n and Keeley, Jamie invites Y/n to join him for his England debut.

Word Count: 6.4k

Warning: f!reader, language, alcohol, allusion to smut

A/N: GUYS WE HAVE ARRIVED. I had to take an unexpected month break because I was just burning out. Thanks to all of you for staying patient and being so kind. But y’all, I’ve been looking forward to this chapter for a long time. I won’t say too much or else I’ll say everything so relax, sit back, and enjoy 💖

——————

Y/n wasn’t sat at her desk refreshing her inbox every fifteen seconds.

Absolutely not.

She wasn’t.

Except she was.

She knew full well that Ted had the list of which Greyhounds would be playing during international break. She could pop downstairs and probably hear the announcement. But it wasn’t her place to barge in on the boys’ moment. And that was fine with her. Totally fine.

“Come on, come on, come on,” she mumbled, waiting for the league’s PR department to end her suffering.

Finally, it arrived.

Y/n leaned closer to her laptop screen and flew past the pleasantries. The names…

She exclaimed something between a gasp and a scream.

Without another thought, she leapt out of her chair, flew through the hall and down the stairs. Luckily, the team was just heading out for practice.

“Let’s go, Greyhounds!” Y/n cheered, an echoing chorus following.

She hugged and congratulated Colin, Dani, Van Damme and Bumbercatch, all of them giddily accepting her thanks. Y/n had a new appreciation for each of the Greyhounds after observing so many training sessions. They put their hearts and soul into their craft and deserved every bit of their success.

As the boys headed out to the pitch, Y/n stayed in the hall, waiting for one player in particular to emerge.

Finally, Jamie came out of the locker room nearly bursting with joy.

As if she could feel the air change, Y/n spun around, grinning. The two of them collided in a crushing embrace, Jamie lifted her off the ground.

“Oh my gosh,” she squealed into his shoulder, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Jamie said. He’d taken an extra long minute fixing himself for training. He’d heard Y/n’s voice in the hall congratulating the lads and wanted to share his own moment with her away from everyone else.

He finally set her down, giving Y/n the chance to properly face him. “Jamie,” she bounced a little, gripping his shoulders, “England. Fucking England.”

Jamie laughed, still holding onto her hips.

“Fucking England,” she said once more, looking him over proudly, “This is amazing.”

They stood there, inches away from being back in each other’s arms, til Ted and Beard’s distant voices grew closer. They dropped their hands just as the coaches came out of their office.

“Hey, Y/n,” Ted greeted as he walked past. Beard nodded.

“Hey,” she smiled.

Jamie shot her an apologetic look as he trailed after them, wishing nothing more than to stay in the hall, just the two of them. Y/n smiled at him once more, sending him off with something he could hold to the rest of the day.

A 10-game streak, a stacked international break…somewhere months ago, Y/n would have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. A plane to fall out of the sky. Some natural disaster to hit.

No, all was well. And it felt damn good.

—————————

It all came crashing down a few days later.

Keeley and Y/n had met for a morning coffee before work. Keeley was back to her normal self, post-leak and post-Jack. Y/n was glad for it, the universe felt unbalanced if Keeley wasn’t her usual sunshiny self.

At the KJPR office, they waited for the elevator. Once it arrived, a casually dressed man pushed a dolly of boxes past them.

“Didn’t know anyone was moving out,” Y/n commented as they got in the car.

“Me neither,” Keeley replied.

The doors opened on their floor and they exited, coming around the corner only to nearly get clipped by two movers with a couch.

“Shit!” Keeley exclaimed, grabbing Y/n’s arm as they jumped out of the way.

Y/n eyed the rest of the room. All the desks were covered in boxes and most of their furniture had disappeared.

“Keeley…” she said lowly.

Dan, a man Y/n had only met properly once or twice, walked up to them. He was carrying a box of desk supplies in both hands.

“Keeley,” he addressed, “You are the nicest boss I’ve ever had.”

“Thank you, Dan,” Keeley replied, brows knitted in confusion.

“And definitely the hottest,” he finished.

“That’s a complicated compliment.”

Dan left with a thanks, moving past the two women.

“What…” Y/n trailed off.

Keeley led them to Barbara’s office, who was also packing up her desk.

“Barbara, what’s going on?” Keeley asked, “Are we being slowly robbed?”

“Oh,” Barbara ceased her packing, “Wait, I’m sorry. You haven’t spoken with Jack?”

“I haven’t heard from Jack in weeks.”

Barbara stammered, “But she emailed me last night to say that she was gonna reach out and tell you.”

Y/n’s stomach clenched with familiar dread.

“Tell me what, Barbara?” Keeley asked.

Barbara, for all the grief she’d given Keeley, didn’t appear to take any pleasure in delivering the news. She had to steady herself even. “The board of the VC have decided to pull funding. They’re shutting down KJPR.”

Y/n’s breath left her chest.

“What?” Keeley whispered, “When?”

“Oh, well, don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of time,” Barbara reassured, “We don’t have to be out till Friday.”

Keeley was barely audible, “It’s Wednesday.”

Barbara faltered, “Yeah, I suppose that is…quite soon, isn’t it? Especially if you didn’t get an email last night.”

When there was nothing else to say, Barbara awkwardly went back to packing her things, leaving Keeley and Y/n dumbstruck.

Somehow, Y/n made her feet move out of the office and into the main space. Her head was spinning. It had taken less than a minute to crack her world open and split it in two.

“I need a minute,” Keeley mumbled.

Too stunned to reply, Y/n wandered off into the conference room. The table and chairs were still there, she sunk into one of them.

As one of the employees, Y/n should have gotten an email like anyone else. The only factor that could have changed that was Keeley. Jack knew they worked closely together, they could be considered friends. If this was revenge on Keeley for their break-up, Jack wouldn’t hesitate to take it out on those closest to her ex. And just like that…Y/n became collateral damage.

She rested her elbows on the table, running her hands over her face. The first job she’d ever loved, and it was gone. Every part of working for AFC Richmond that she adored, had just been taken from her. No more training, no more time with the fans, no more overseeing pressers and interviews, no more coming down the hall and seeing the boys…

The tears came quick.

A few moments later, Keeley knocked on the door and entered at Y/n’s mumbled ‘yeah.’ Both women had wet eyes and snot under their noses.

“I’m so sorry,” Keeley managed over the lump in her throat.

Y/n sniffled, her hands covering most of her face. If she was being honest, there was a small part of her that resented Keeley. Never get involved with someone from work, that was corporate 101.

“Me too,” she replied. Regardless of her bad judgement, Keeley hadn’t deserved to lose the company. She wasn’t the one at fault.

Keeley took the chair next to Y/n’s, feeling like a stray tree in the wind. Swaying, ready to break at the slightest gust.

The very thought of what had to be said sent a stabbing pain through Y/n’s gut.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll pack up my things this weekend. At Richmond.”

Keeley didn’t think she could handle any more, but knowing that Y/n was losing the place that made her happiest just worsened the blow.

“Thank you,” Y/n whispered, “For…coming up to me in that bar.”

It was that sentiment that sent Keeley back over the edge, the gentle sobs returning. On cue, Y/n’s followed and the two of them twisted to grip each other’s hands, sitting knee to knee. They mourned all they had built, together and apart.

—————————

Eight months after her last sacking, Y/n was in the exact same position: sat at a bar, drinking a glass of red wine.

This time, the bar was her flat. Being anywhere around people sounded horrifying. She was content to wallow in the apartment she already feared she’d have to give up.

Unlike the other times she’d been let go, Y/n couldn’t bear to think about the next steps. The minute she’d told Keeley she’d get her things from Nelson Road, she’d banished the thought. She couldn’t bear the thought, the pain of telling the boys, Rebecca, Ted…of leaving the parking lot for the last time. Every time her mind began to try and think practically, she took another sip of the merlot.

The depressing silence was broken up by a ring of her doorbell. Y/n let her head drop as she dragged herself off the barstool. She couldn’t come up with the name of a single person she wanted to see at the moment.

Trudging down the last of the stairs, she looked through the peephole, seeing a familiar mop of mussed up hair and sharp cheekbones.

Y/n quickly wiped under her eyes, praying her waterproof mascara had done its job. If she wasn’t ready to tell anyone the news, Jamie was in a category of his own. The thought of not seeing him every day was crippling.

She opened the door, Jamie flashing a smile as soon as he laid eyes on her.

“Hey,” Y/n grinned thickly, “I thought you were supposed to be up in Stafford.”

“Yeah, just got back,” Jamie glanced back to the street where his car was parked.

“How was it?”

“Fucking,” Jamie shut his eyes, still beaming, “Mental.”

Y/n genuinely chuckled. At least one of them was doing well. “That’s great.”

“Yeah,” Jamie finally got a good look at Y/n. Her face was drawn, despite her smile. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and her gaze was distant, despite being zeroed in on him. “You alright?”

Y/n thinned her lips in an exaggerated frown and shrugged, “Yeah, fine.”

Jamie wasn’t convinced, “You sure?”

Clearly months out of practice from hiding her feelings had left her skills dulled. Y/n sighed, leaning up against the doorframe, “It’s just been a long fucking day.”

“What happened?” Jamie’s brows knitted in worry.

“Nothing specific,” Y/n lied straight through her teeth, “Just tired.”

Jamie nodded, slightly assured that he could move onto the reason for his visit.

“Well, hey, I think I can cheer you up,” he took a breath as if preparing for something big. “Come with me to the match.”

Y/n tilted her head, “What?”

“The Wembley match. They’re puttin’ us up in a hotel tomorrow night, and the game’s on Friday,” Jamie explained, hope glistening in his eyes, “Come with me.”

If they were discussing some random away game, Y/n wouldn’t have thought anything of it. But this…this was England. This was something Jamie had dreamed of since he was a child. This meant everything to him, and he wanted her to share it with him. Y/n didn’t take a word of it lightly.

“I can get ya an extra room,” Jamie took her stunned silence as doubt, “I’ll tell ‘em I need my publicist with me.”

“I don’t think being the club’s publicist gets me that kind of privilege,” Y/n tried to ignore the ache in her chest. That title didn’t belong to her anymore.

“Does if you’re with me,” Jamie smirked.

Y/n chortled, “Right. I’m rolling with the big dogs. Forgot.”

“Look,” Jamie took a step closer, his hands resting in the space between them, nearly reaching out to her. “I really want you there. Really.”

There was a softness to Jamie’s stare that he always saved for Y/n, and a determination he wore any time he stepped on the pitch. If she didn’t want to come, he wouldn’t force her, but he wasn’t going down without fighting his hardest.

Y/n really had no reason to say no. She wouldn’t be at work, she had no commitments…and honestly, getting away sounded nice. To step outside of Richmond for a little while and get some distance before she had to deal with the reality of her situation. And more than anything, she wanted to cheer on Jamie.

“Okay.”

Jamie’s brows shot up, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Y/n smiled, her first true one of their conversation.

“Great,” Jamie grinned and fiddled with his hands, “Okay, uh, I’ll pick you up tomorrow, 12-ish. Drive over together.”

“I mean, I can drive myself,” Y/n replied, “You don’t need to be picking me up with everything you’ll have going on.”

Jamie shrugged, “I know.” There was no discussion to be had.

“Okay,” Y/n conceded, “I’ll be ready.”

“Okay,” Jamie smiled, awkwardly holding the silence. He didn’t want to let the conversation end, but there was nothing left to say. “Well, uh, I’ll let you get back to your night.”

“Go,” Y/n gestured to the street, “Rest. You’re only representing the whole country.”

He laughed, walking backwards to steal one last glance at Y/n. If someone would have told Jamie that eight months before, his ex-girlfriend’s new hire would end up meaning enough to him to share his England debut with, he wasn’t sure what he’d have thought. But he wouldn’t have believed it. “See ya.”

Y/n gave a small wave, matching his warm smile until the distance forced them to break. She was still neck deep in shit, but for a moment, the sun felt like it was shining.

—————————

Y/n supposed as she packed her overnight bag, that if she forgot anything important, she could just Uber back to her flat. For whatever reason, she was afraid she was leaving something off the list.

The initial excitement she’d felt when Jamie had invited her had long since died. It seemed the depression that set in after losing your job took twenty four hours of fermenting to truly come to life.

She was nearly done packing when she was sorting through a drawer of t-shirts, spotting a brightly colored blue and red one she had tucked at the bottom. She pulled it out and unfolded it.

The jersey Jamie had gifted her for Christmas.

A small smile pulled at her face, remembering the night he’d given it to her. True to her word, she hadn’t worn it to any matches. She couldn’t possibly give him that satisfaction.

Through the insanity that was working at AFC Richmond, there had been many constants. Ted’s awful jokes, Roy’s sour mood, weekly tea with Rebecca…but Jamie had l become the most unexpectedly steady thing in Y/n’s life. A safe place to land in any situation. If it wasn’t for Jamie, she wasn’t sure how she would have made it thus far.

She smiled.

Without a second thought, Y/n folded the jersey back up and tucked it in her suitcase. Jamie was the focus, and she’d amplify his joy however she could.

Her phone pinged with a text alert, the man himself messaging her that he was parked outside. Y/n zipped up her bag, grabbed her purse, and headed downstairs.

Jamie was propped against his car, spinning the keys in his fingers. He supposed he should have felt nervous, twenty four hours away from his England debut, but he felt at peace. He wasn’t entirely sure why until he spotted Y/n’s figure coming down her street.

“Jamie Tartt, do do do do do do,” she sang once she got close enough, “Jamie Tartt, do do do do do do…”

“Lovely,” Jamie chuckled before reaching out for her bag, “Let’s have it.”

“There’d better be room for it,” Y/n handed the suitcase over.

Jamie popped the boot, “How much you think I travel with?”

“I mean, hair products alone has to equate to two carry ons,” Y/n replied, “Jewelry, trainers, socks, that’s another two…the ego’s gotta take up, what, four?”

Jamie shut the boot, leaning on it as he listened. “I’m happy to leave you here. Watch the match on Sky Sports.”

“Sorry, too late,” Y/n smirked as she rounded the car, Jamie met her on the passenger side. The two of them stood with mere inches between them. “You’re stuck with me, Tartt.”

Their smug smiles melted into something far more warm, the emotional weight of the trip was too overwhelming to be ignored too long.

“Not a bad deal,” Jamie said softly.

“You’re playing for England,” Y/n whispered.

Jamie’s grin spread up his cheeks, reaching to tug Y/n into an embrace. Gentler than the one they’d shared after the news had broke, but matching in enthusiasm.

“Right, gotta get going,” Jamie broke away and went to the driver’s side, “Check-in’s in an hour.”

The traffic they hit made it so they’d arrive just at their appointed time. On the way, Y/n avoided any topic that could tie them back to work, and Jamie recounted a party he’d attended two days before.

“Wait…” Y/n laughed, “You’re telling me that Roy Kent - Roy Kent - has to wear a tie-dye shirt?”

“Swear down,” Jamie replied.

“Roy Kent,” Y/n repeated. The image was too insane to imagine. “Growling-in-the-halls, leather-jacket-wearing, black-coffee, black-clothes, black-everything Roy Kent.”

Jamie nodded.

Y/n fell back against the seat, “I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not playin’ ya,” Jamie laughed, one hand resting comfortably on the steering wheel, “Saw it with me own eyes.”

“And I can’t believe it till I see it with mine,” Y/n shook her head. “So, wait, you left training because Phoebe called you and invited you to a party for a pretend holiday for the man who makes your life a living hell?”

Jamie wasn’t sure how to explain it. How his relationship with Roy had gone from childhood idolization to rivalry to tolerance to mentor/mentee to…something almost, nearly, bordering…friendship? But when he’d gotten the call from Phoebe and her mum, Roy’s niece inviting him to Uncle’s Day, he hadn’t needed to give it a second thought. He’d even taken the time to track down a gift meaningful enough to crack Roy’s stony exterior.

“Dunno,” he shrugged casually, “Didn’t want to disappoint her.”

“Mmm,” Y/n nodded, pretending to buy it, “Nothing to do with the fact that you two are actually…friends?”

Jamie looked out the window, checking the space around them, “Right, you can walk from here.”

Y/n snorted, crossing her arms across her chest. Beyond the teasing, she found it incredibly sweet that Jamie would drop what he was doing not just for Roy, but for Phoebe. It echoed the same kindness he’d shown to Henry when he’d visited. She supposed it came from Jamie’s childhood, the same drive she had to make sure any kid she came across was happier than she’d been at their age.

“It’s cute.”

Jamie quirked a brow as he switched lanes, “What?”

Y/n shrugged, “Jamie Tartt’s got a soft spot for kids.”

The tingling in his chest confused Jamie. But knowing Y/n thought him admirable was…nice.

He played it off, of course, “Haven’t even told you about the play.”

Y/n slapped her hands together, “Oh, please God tell me it was interactive.”

“It was fucking Shakespearean,” Jamie laughed, before launching into the multi-hour long production Phoebe and Roy’s sister had staged.

Once they arrived at the hotel, they checked-in separately. It was an easy way for Y/n to keep herself out of any photo sightings of Jamie and she was extra happy she’d thought it out when some of his teammates arrived. She headed to the elevator while Jamie greeted them, loading into the car. Once he saw she was already off, Jamie rushed through goodbyes to catch the lift with her.

“Right,” Y/n said as they landed on the 10th floor, looking between her key and the door numbers, “I’m 502.”

“507,” Jamie replied, “End of the hall, I think.”

They found Y/n’s room first and paused outside the door.

“Right, so dinner tonight?” Jamie suggested, “I mean, it’ll mostly be me watchin’ you eat, but…”

“Jamie, no,” Y/n screwed her face, “We can have dinner literally any other night. Go be with the team.”

He knew that was what he was expected to do, and part of him wanted to go bond with the boys but…she was here. And as much as he wanted to hang with his teammates, everyone drifted to second priority when Y/n was around.

“You sure?” Jamie asked.

“Yes,” Y/n insisted, reaching out and taking his arm, “Go enjoy this. You earned it. I’m just gonna get room service and get to bed boringly early.”

Jamie chuckled, looking down at the ground. His skin jumped to life under her touch. “Alright,” he smiled up at her, “I got a ticket reserved for you at will call.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“And…” Jamie searched for something, anything else to say, coming up short, “Yeah. Think that’s it.”

“Hey,” Y/n squeezed his arm, beaming with pride, “You’re gonna kill it.”

Jamie’s smile grew in the way only she could harvest out of him. Something about her belief in him made him feel like he could play the whole fucking match himself.

“I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he said, though he didn’t move.

“See you tomorrow,” Y/n echoed, rubbing his shoulder before breaking apart and unlocking her door. Jamie took it as his cue to drag his own suitcase down the hall, five doors down.

Y/n did a lap around her room, taking stock of where everything was. It was a nice fucking hotel, though she shouldn’t have expected anything else. She set her suitcase in the corner, there was no need to go to the trouble of unpacking for a two night stay.

She dropped onto the edge of the bed. With Jamie off and the room mapped out, there was nothing to do but sit with her thoughts.

Y/n sighed, her chest returned to feeling hollow, knowing this life was about to disappear. No more traveling with the Greyhounds, the endless chatter on long bus rides, her room being sandwiched between two of they boy’s and dealing with their late night shenanigans that typically resulted in a large check being written to the hotel…

She grabbed the bedside phone, dialing the corresponding number on the paper below it. She couldn’t deal with being sad sober or on an empty stomach. “Yes, room service? Can I have a bottle of wine and the chef’s special delivered to room 502? Thank you.”

It was going to be a long night.

——————

The next morning, Y/n took advantage of getting to sleep in on Friday. The game wasn’t until noon, she set her alarm for ten. She ordered breakfast to the room and ate in bed. Sadness went well with pancakes, she found.

Eventually, she got dressed for the match. She smiled to herself as she slipped the ‘#9’ jersey over her tank top. It would be the first, and most likely only opportunity she’d have to wear it.

Wembley was close enough to the hotel that she didn’t bother ordering an Uber, choosing instead to join the crowds and walk. She’d forgotten just how massive the stadium was when she arrived at the ticket booth.

“Hi,” she greeted the guy working will call, “There should be a ticket under the name ‘Y/l/n.’”

The man fished through a few envelopes before reaching into one and slipping a ticket under the glass window. “Enjoy the match, love.”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

It had been years since Y/n had been to Wembley, the last time for a concert fresh off of graduation. She couldn’t remember the section numbers and locations to save her life.

Once she got inside, she found a security guard. “Excuse me? Could you point me towards section…” she read her ticket once more, “120?”

The guard glanced at her ticket before pointing her towards a massive staircase. “All the way down, midfield.”

“Okay,” Y/n headed off, calling back to him, “Thank you.”

She melted into the crowd and followed them down the stairs. She kept looking between her ticket and the descending rows of seats, realizing when she hit the ground that Jamie hadn’t just gotten her a seat…he’d gotten her one in the front row.

Y/n made her way down, past families and groups of friends, finding her seat was on the aisle. It allowed her a perfect view of the field, Jamie would most certainly be able to spot her.

The atmosphere before the match was a welcome cheeriness, Y/n couldn’t help but get caught up in the excitement of it. It was hard to be depressed with 90,000 people around you cheering and singing.

The teams marched out onto the pitch, their respective fans standing and screaming. Y/n was on her feet as soon as England was out, spotting Jamie towards the back. He was on the reserve squad and came out near last. She hoped he would get at least a few minutes on the field.

Jamie was caught up in the moment enough that he didn’t search for Y/n. Knowing she was there was enough.

By the second half of the match, England was up by a point, but Jamie still had yet to get on the pitch. Y/n was fidgeting more with each minute that passed, hoping that this would be the point that #9 would tire out enough and Jamie could sub in.

Finally, it happened. Jamie came off the bench as one of the refs held up the board, announcing Jamie’s arrival and his number. #24.

Y/n pressed a hand to her heart, her lips falling open in a loose smile. It was a hell of statement after their #24 had been passed over for the Nigerian league. But more importantly, it was an incredibly touching gesture. Sam had to have been beaming shyly, wherever he was watching from.

Jamie got onto the pitch and first ended up assisting in one goal. When the clock came down to the last five minutes, he shot across the field, catching the ball from one of his teammates and running it down the pitch.

“Come on, Jamie,” Y/n muttered under her breath, her eyes glued to him. He could make it.

Faking left and spinning around to the right, Jamie power kicked the ball toward the net, evading the goalie and landing a perfect shot.

Y/n shot out of her seat with the rest of the crowd, screaming as loud as she could.

Jamie looked pleased, his nearest teammates slapping him across the back in congratulations. He turned to the crowd and grinned, soaking in the moment he’d been waiting for since he was a kid. The whole stadium was cheering for him.

His eyes floated to section 120, finding the furthest seat and the woman occupying it. Their eyes met and Jamie caught the unmistakable Greyhound blue underneath her coat, his chest suddenly swelling with something deeper than pride. She’d worn the fucking shirt.

Y/n grinned at him, raising her fists above her head. Jamie patted his chest, just above his heart, smiling right back at her.

England ended up winning, of course, and Y/n felt like she was floating. She couldn’t get up the stairs fast enough, hurrying through the concourses till she found two doors with ample security stood outside.

“Hi,” she said, nearly out of breath, “I work at AFC Richmond. I need to see Jamie Tartt,” Y/n pulled out her phone as she saw the guard inhaling to turn her away, “I have proof of employment.”

She pulled up an email exchange with Higgins and held up her employee ID, matching the signature to the card. The guard nodded, “Come with me.”

Y/n followed down the hall, stopping outside the locker room as the guard instructed her to wait. The commotion inside could be heard all down the hall, chants and cheers from the boys echoing off the walls.

A few seconds later, Jamie emerged, soaked in champagne and sweat.

Neither of them hesitated to launch into one another’s arms, Jamie full on lifting and spinning her around. They were a mess of laughs and squeals and smiles.

“You did it,” Y/n grinned, her arms tight around Jamie’s neck.

“We fucking did it,” he growled happily, still twirling her in the air.

“Jamie,” Y/n laughed as he finally dropped her. She held his face in her hands, “You were incredible. You were fucking amazing.”

Jamie beamed, finally feeling whole. He’d been waiting all day to hug her.

“My gosh,” Y/n smiled, on the verge of tears.

“Not a bad seat either, yeah?” Jamie smiled.

“You just fucking played for England and that’s what you wanna talk about?” Y/n exclaimed as she lightly shoved his chest.

Jamie’s hands fiddled agaisnt Y/n’s waist, the adrenaline from the game still pulsing through. He rubbed the extra material of the shirt, his shirt, between his fingers.

He cocked a brow, “Thought you said you’d never wear this.”

Y/n shrugged playfully, “I had a compelling reason.”

There was enough electricity running through them both without the added crackling of their hands, the pure lightning that was striking between their eyes. It was a moment so full of emotion, if it lasted much longer, it stood the chance to naturally lead to something…

“Oi! Tartt!”

Jamie and Y/n dropped their hands, the outside presence causing embarrassment they didn’t know they felt. Jamie nodded back at one of his teammates, “Yeah?”

“Get the fuck back in here,” he gestured back to the room. The celebration hadn’t stopped in Jamie’s absence.

“Yeah, be in a minute,” Jamie distractedly smiled before turning back to Y/n, “Right-“

“Jamie,” Y/n shook her head, smiling knowingly, “Go. Go celebrate your moment.

He hesitated, truthfully, he didn’t want her to be so encouraging. “Yeah, but we gotta celebrate too,” Jamie reached out for her hands.

“And we will,” Y/n replied, squeezing his palms, “But now, you’re gonna go in there, you’re going to get absolutely shit-faced and create a million horrible headlines for me to issue a million and one apologies for.”

Jamie snorted and stared down at their intwined hands. Half of him was itching to get back in the locker room, the other stayed right where he was.

“Go,” Y/n repeated.

Jamie tugged her back to his chest, the two of them fitting together as perfectly as ever. He was so unbelievably glad she’d said yes to coming. Looking out into the stands, seeing her cheering for him had boosted his spirits in a way nothing else could.

Even as he broke away, he left backwards. “I mean it,” Jamie pointed at her, “We’re fucking celebrating.”

Y/n just laughed and shoved the air, staying till he disappeared back into the locker room. Jamie’s ecstasy was feeding her, the victory lifting them both up sky high. She was so glad she hadn’t turned him down.

The security guard escorted her out to the concourse and she found her way back to the hotel. Each street was echoing with chants and cheers for England, the whole of London was buzzing. It was beautiful.

Y/n got back to her room, turning on the TV to Sky Sports and watching the recap. Jamie, of course, made the conversation, both his goal and his kit number were heavily discussed.

Y/n smiled when Sam’s name came up, pulling her phone out and sending an array of appropriate emojis to the young Nigerian along with his number. He fired back a few red hearts in reply.

Roughly an hour had passed when there was a knock at the door. Y/n slid out of bed confused. She hadn’t ordered dinner yet.

She opened the door to find Jamie, hair combed, showered and out of his kit, leaning against her door frame.

“I thought I told you to go spend time with the team,” Y/n chuckled in surprise.

“I did,” he shrugged, “Now it’s our turn.”

Y/n rolled her eyes but couldn’t kill the growing grin. She wanted the day to be everything Jamie wanted, but she couldn’t deny the ever-present desire to stay in his field of gravity. If he was here willingly, she wasn’t going to fight him.

She matched his posture and leaned against the frame, “What’d you have in mind?”

“Dinner, club,” Jamie listed off the options, “Go to the top of the Shard, scream as loud as we can.”

Y/n laughed, “I can do that.”

“Good,” Jamie smiled, looking down at his watch, “You got twenty minutes.”

“Clearly you learned nothing dating Keeley,” Y/n scoffed, “Put thirty on the clock.”

“Fine,” Jamie relented, “I’ll be back in thirty minutes exactly. That’s it. Not waitin’.” He couldn’t even pretend to be that strict, a smile contradicting his words.

Y/n gave a two fingered salute, “I’ll be ready.”

She shut the door, hearing him shuffling down the hall. In her suitcase, she’d packed a dress, knowing the chances of Jamie and her going out after was a distinct possibility. She also thought she was crazy to assume that at all. Yet still, she’d gone to the trouble of picking one out, laboring over the choice far longer than it should have taken.

Within thirty minutes, Y/n managed to shower, do her hair and light makeup, slipping into the dress and her sneakers at the twenty-nine minute mark. She gave herself a once over in the mirror, giving herself a pat on the back for exceptional work in such a short time frame.

On cue, there were three knocks at the door.

Y/n grabbed her purse and unlocked the door, Jamie once again stood in waiting.

He wasn’t quite sure what he’d expected when he’d told Y/n they were going out for a night on the town, but whatever it was…wasn’t what he got. Y/n was stunning, gorgeous, in a strappy pink dress, her hair tied up. It was all in stark contrast to how she usually dressed around Nelson Road, all business attire or jeans on a casual day. This was…this was something.

“Wow,” Jamie managed, his eyes running up and down her form.

Y/n took an honest look at Jamie for the first time of the night. His usual floppy hairstyle and headband had been swapped for a blow dry and a neat side swoop. A deep blue dress shirt was unbuttoned a bit further than other men’s and a dark textured blazer layered it, finished with dress pants, actual shoes and a gold chain. He looked good.

“No trainers,” Y/n was lost for anything else to say, “It really is a special occasion.”

Jamie chuckled, still unable to tear his eyes off of her. It was going to get awkward if he didn’t stop soon.

He offered his arm, “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Y/n slipped her arm through Jamie’s and they strolled down the hall.

Once they’d slipped out the lobby, they hailed a cab and Jamie gave the driver an address. They arrived at a five star rooftop restaurant and bar and made their way to a table, the thumping music and chatter of the weekend crowd enveloping them. A fair amount of the other patrons were celebrating England’s victory heartily.

“Look at this,” Y/n smiled, a group of people excitedly describing the game as they passed their table, “You did this.”

“Wasn’t just me,” Jamie replied.

“Yeah, but you were part of it,” Y/n corrected, shaking her head, “Jeez, Jamie…you scored a fucking goal.”

“I did, yeah,” Jamie grinned and admitted, walking the line between humility and cockiness as only he could.

Y/n waited a moment, admiring the joy in Jamie’s eyes as his eyes followed the fans. It was childlike, pure and wild.

“You didn’t tell me you were gonna wear #24,” she eventually said.

Jamie nodded, “Just felt right. It’s mad they didn’t pick him.”

“It is,” Y/n agreed, looking out at the darkening London sky, wondering how Sam was actually holding up. “But that was brave, wearing it. Like you were giving whoever didn’t choose him the middle finger.”

He chortled, his eyes lingering on her longer and longer each time they found her. Jamie was losing the battle to look away.

Y/n was the first to drop her gaze. Like always, there were ghosts dining with them. She’d been itching with concern for Jamie all day, but hadn’t said anything.

“So…how was it being back? At Wembley?”

Jamie caught the meaning instantly, it wasn’t exactly far from his mind. As much fun as he’d had, being back in the locker room had inevitably triggered unpleasant memories.

“Bit weird,” Jamie admitted, “But…I don’t know. I think I was too distracted to think about it too much.”

“That’s good,” Y/n gently smiled, “Of course, now I’ve brought it up and…”

Jamie reached out and took her hand reassuringly, “And nothing.”

Y/n’s lips tugged upwards slightly, squeezing Jamie’s palm.

A horribly timed interruption caused them both to have to tear his gaze away, the waiter returning with their drinks. He took them both and handed Y/n hers.

“Alright,” she scooted forward in her seat, “What’re we drinking to?”

Jamie sighed, thinking a moment, “Well, to me, obviously,” he got a laugh out of Y/n, “To the team. To England. To Richmond,” he swallowed, “To you.”

Y/n raised a brow, “To me?”

“Yeah,” Jamie smiled coyly, “You comin’ here, cheering me on. Knowing you were there…”

The humor of the moment was gone entirely, replaced by sweet sentiment. Jamie and Y/n’s friendship had come to mean more to them than they could have guessed that first night in Sam’s restaurant. Or the time they’d run into each other at the Crown and Anchor, spending an hour pouring over apartments for Y/n. They had become each other’s north star. They were a part of one another, reflecting the best of each other back.

“To having a good night,” Jamie continued, unable to finish his last thought, “And not worrying about anything. Not thinking about anything. Just celebrating.”

Not all of the time they spent together was so serious, but one of the basis of Y/n and Jamie’s bond was their mutual pain. So many of their conversations somehow traced back to her parents, his dad, how they were the way they were because of their failures. Not to mention, Y/n had the news of KJPR’s shutdown weighing on her back. She’d have to break the news to Jamie come morning.

But tonight, tonight was a night for none of it. They would drink, they would laugh, and they would revel in Jamie’s accomplishment.

Y/n clinked her glass against Jamie’s. “To not thinking.”

And that’s exactly what they did. They didn’t think as they ordered a second round of drinks.

Or a third.

They didn’t think as they went to a club, pulling one another close to dance.

They didn’t think as they giggled their way back to their hotel.

And they certainly didn’t think as they stumbled into Y/n’s room, a collision of roaming hands and eager lips.

—————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)

[ratethisalbum]

#99) Subject to Change

Kelsea Ballerini

Suggested by: @carolinahope

-

Spotify ~ Youtube

(Remember to listen first, then rate!)

-

Tracklist:

1 Subject to Change 2 The Little Things 3 I Can't Help Myself 4 If You Go Down (I'm Goin' Down Too) 5 Love Is A Cowboy 6 Muscle Memory 7 I Guess They Call It Fallin 8 Weather 9 Universe 10 Walk in the Park 11 Heartfirst 12 You're Drunk, Go Home (ft. Kelly Clarkson and Carly Pearce) 13 Doin' My Best 14 Marilyn 15 What I Have

[luucypevensie]

🐰 + my beloved goddaughter Thea!!

THANK YOU FAE MY BELOVED! @carmens-garden my love also asked for her beloved goddaughter as well!

1. Their berserk button: Thea HATES it when people say “like” before a sentence all the time because it’s not proper grammar and it makes you sound really valley girl-esque

2. Why their name was chosen: Thea’s beloved paternal grandmother’s middle name is Dorothea, and Robert wanted to honor his mother. It just so helped that Marjorie loved the name, and wanted to honor Ginny as well

3. Their favorite 2020s song: HEARTFIRST by Kelsea Ballerini

4. Their biggest fear: Thea’s biggest fear is that her eating disorder will come back and destroy her physically and mentally (which it very nearly did in s2)

5. One turn-on of theirs: Proper etiquette (don’t ask her why, but seeing Finn act like a total gentleman at a family dinner at her house REALLY got her going)

6. Their go-to sleepover activities: Painting everyone’s nails and drinking hot chocolate while watching old movies

7. What candle they’d get at Bath & Body Works: Definitely the Vanilla Bean candles (always a classic like Thea)

8. A moment where they reached their breaking point: You would think it would be seeing Finn and Quinn cheating, but no, it was actually when she broke up with her jerk of an ex because she found out he was cheating on her. It was at that moment that the gears started shifting in Thea’s mind that she will never be enough for somebody, causing her eating disorder to come back full force

9. Whether they’re organized or slobby: This is the girl who has the most beautiful handwriting known to mankind AND who is the best tutor at McKinley. Of course she’s organized!

10. Their favorite feature about themselves: Her inner strength

[jakeperalta]

subject to change!!

my beloved comfort album <3

the first song from this album I heard: heartfirst

do I own the album?: this has actually just reminded me that my mum was getting the vinyl for my birthday and she preordered it from our local record shop then I haven't heard anything since so I need to chase that up hahaha but in short: not yet but I will!

my favourite song: universe 🥰

my least favourite song: I love the whole album but if I were to pick one then maybe you're drunk go home?

a song I didn't like at first, but now do: subject to change grew on me so much!

a song I used to like, but now don't: I still love them all <3

my favourite lyric: "I think that showing up is good enough for me" is a real mantra lyric for me, same with "the right and the hard thing are sometimes the same"

overall rating out of 10: 9.5

send me an album!

[blindedbythelightt]

🎶✨ when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)✨🎶

Thank you @avaleineandafryingpan for the tag!! ♥️♥️

the last five songs that i've listened to are:

no-pressure tagging: @ohtobeleah @blindedbythesparks @tayl0rhuynh @omgchloe @rooster-84 @midnightstarqueen @xovalliegirlxo @rhettabbotts @scoopsr0bin @strangerquinns

[chlodoll]

my top albums (and songs) of 2022 (with some links to my fav performances 😆)

1. le sserafim - antifragile | the live performances are so damn good! | antifragile, impurities, good parts

2. sabrina carpenter - emails i can’t send | i love when i can just depend on an artist to always put out good albums | nonsense, tornado warnings, bad for business, already over, emails i can’t send, because I liked a boy 

3. 4*town - turning red ost | this boy group is everything | nobody like u 

4. red velvet -  birthday | a hit after some misses | bye bye, on a ride

5. sza - sos | it just came out but idc | nobody gets me, f2f, conceited, shirt, gone girl, kill bill, smoking on my ex pack, good days, blind

6. beyoncé - renaissance | hey, look at us! who would’ve thought? not me! now if only we could get the visuals... | church girl, america has a problem, alien superstar, cozy, plastic off the sofa, virgo’s groove, energy 

7. taylor swift - midnights | here i am again riding for one of blondies albums | lavender haze, paris, sweet nothing, glitch, bigger than the whole sky

8. rm - indigo | it feels like the last archive of my 20s too... damn | closer, wildflower, yun, still life, change pt.2, lonely

9. flo - the lead | i have loved seeing their rise this year | cardboard box, immature, summertime

10. nayeon - im nayeon | my girl! | love countdown, candyfloss, no problem, pop!, sunset

11. summer walker - still over it | it came out in 2021, i know, but i really wasn’t vibing until 2022 | circus, bitter, insane, no love, 4th baby mama, 

12. new jeans - new jeans | i got my braids and i’ve been flipping my hair like they do in attention all the time haha | hype boy, hurt, attention

13. jhope - jack in the box | this is so him... and i saw it performed live?! | arson, safety zone, more, what if 

14. encanto ost | i was so scared this would get on my spotify wrapped lolll | what else can i do?, we don’t talk about bruno, surface pressure

15. harry styles - harry’s house | no one is more disappointed than me, but he did something here | satellite, daydreaming, keep driving, late night talking, daylight 

16. euphoria ost | shut up i know... and when s3 comes out i will be back playing the songs everyday | all for us, still don’t know my name, formula, nate growing up, forever, i’m tired, elliot’s song 

-

other songs i was obsessed with: 

black panther: wakanda forever - con la brisa (foudequesh), alone (burna boy) interlude (stormzy), no woman no cry (tems) | bts - run bts, yet to come, left and right (jungkook and charlie puth), stay alive (jungkook), the astronaut (jin), bad decisions, dreamers (jungkook) | chlöe - treat me, surprise | fka twigs - jealousy (feat. rema), oh my love, tears in the club (feat. the weeknd), papi bones (feat. shygirl)  | glorilla - tomorrow (with cardi b) | gracie abrams - block me out, better  | ice spice - bikini bottom | ive - love dive, after like | jessie ware - free yourself | latto - it’s givin, sunshine, big energy, wheelie (feat. 21 savage), like a thug (feat. lil durk) | loona - pale blue dot | kelsea ballerini - heartfirst | marren morris - circles around this town, background music | megan thee stallion - budget (feat. latto), not nice, her, plan b, sweetest pie (with dua lipa) | muni long - hrs & hrs | omar apollo - want u around (feat. ruel), hijo de su madre, tamagotchi, archetype, hey boy (feat. kali uchis) | paramore - this is why | red velvet - bamboleo, beg for me | stayc - run2u, same same | suki waterhouse - moves, good looking | taeyeon - some nights, sirens, invu, weekend, timeless | twice - talk that talk, brave

[sadgirlautumn]

🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶✨️

Laci my beloved!!!!!!! 💕💕🥰🥰

Paris by taylor swift :)

Heartfirst by kelsea ballerini

Charm you by samia

Alone by halsey

Dream girl evil by Florence + the machine

[liaromancewriter]

It's all about the music

I was tagged by @angelasscribbles on 10 Songs for 10 People. I prepared the list and then I forgot about it. lol

Rules: list ten songs, then tag ten people to pass the game on to! (bonus points if it's from a wip/character playlist!) -- I'm not tagging people because I imagine most have done this already. So, if you see this post and get inspired to post your 10 (or 15) songs, go for it!

Songs I listen to most when writing for Cassie & Ethan:

Sanctuary - Serena Ryder

Still into you - Paramore

Heartbeat Song - Kelly Clarkson

Labyrinth - Taylor Swift

Heartfirst - Kelsea Ballerini

Songs I listen to most when writing for Maxenna:

Me and you - Jake Bugg

Eyes on you - Chase Rice

Unforgettable - Thomas Rhett

Roll It - Gráinne Duffy

Two punks in love - bülow

Songs that work for both pairings, depending on my mood:

La vie avec toi - Hélène Ségara

Il y a des jours - Tina Arena

Can't help falling in love - Hailey Reinhart

Late to the party - Kacey Musgraves

Heartbeats - José González

[midnight-star-world]

#CountryMusic

MSR 11-19-22 Midnight Star Report 11-19-22

So today I will be bringing you the Top 20 Country Music Songs for the week of 11/19/22 with the help of both CMT (Country Music Television), the Billboard Country Music Airplay Charts, & even myself. So let's get started right now.

Number 20 belongs to Lee Brice who is dropping 1 spot this week - Soul.

Number 19 belongs to Dustin Lynch who is dropping 5 spots this week - Party mode.

Number 18 belongs to Carly Pearce who is new to the list this week - What he didn't do.

Number 17 belongs to Lainey Wilson who is new to the list this week - Heart like a truck.

Number 16 belongs to Kelsea Ballerini who is moving up 2 spots this week - HEARTFIRST.

Number 15 belongs to Ingrid Andress with Sam Hunt who are dropping 11 spots this week - Wishful drinking.

Number 14 belongs to Jackson Dean who is dropping 9 spots this week - Don't come lookin'.

Number 13 belongs to Kane Brown featuring Katelyn Brown who are moving up 2 spots this week - Thank God.

Number 12 belongs to Jordan Davis who is moving up 4 spots this week - What my world spins around.

Number 11 belongs to Nate Smith who is moving up 1 spot this week - Whiskey on you.

Number 10 belongs to the Zac Brown band who are staying in the same spot as last week - Out in the middle.

Number 9 belongs to Gabby Barrett who is dropping 1 spot this week - Pick me up.

Number 8 belongs to Luke Combs who is moving up 9 spots this week - The kind of love we make.

Number 7 belongs to Jimmie Allen who is moving up 2 spots this week - Down home.

Number 6 belongs to Luke Bryan who is moving up 1 spot this week - Country on.

Number 5 belongs to Bailey Zimmerman who is moving up 1 spot this week - Fall in love.

Number 4 belongs to Tyler Hubbard who is dropping 3 spots this week - 5 foot 9.

Number 3 belongs to Cole Swindell who is staying in the same spot as last week - She had me at heads Carolina.

Number 2 belongs to Thomas Rhett featuring Riley Green who are moving up 11 spots this week - Half of me.

Number 1 belongs to Morgan Wallen who is moving up 1 spot this week to regain the top - You proof.

And that's a wrap for the Top 20 Country Music Songs with the help of both CMT (Country Music Television), the Billboard Country Music Airplay Charts, & even myself. Thanks as always goes out to both CMT, & the Billboard Country Music Airplay Charts for doing their weekly Country Music Song Countdowns. And thanks as well goes out to you for taking the time to read this weekly list. See ya all next time.

[blueeyedbesson]

🎶Tag Game🎶

tagged by @samithedaydreamer to put my music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs + tag 10 people. Thank you for this

(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again- Taron Egerton & Elton John

Love Is An Open Door- Sofia Wylie & Matt Cornett

21- Huddy

Gotta Find Where I Belong- Milo Manheim & Meg Donnelly

HEARTFIRST- Kelsea Ballerini

You Don't Know Me- Elizabeth Gillies

Here I Come- Dara Renee

PILLS- jxdn

What Do You Know About Love?- Joshua Bassett & Sofia Wylie

Favorite Place- All Time Low feat. The Band CAMINO

tags: @worldlxvlys @ijustreallylovethem @socialfakes @carolinalikesthings @55sturn @captainboomaray @jamesbvck @heavenlyhischier @quinnylouhughesx43 @hockeyboysarehot

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen: Failure

Plot: Y/n deals with the emotional ramifications of her night with Jamie.

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: f!reader, heavily insinuated smut, language

A/N: We’re rounding the final turn and we’re nearly to the end…I mean, there’s five or six chapters left but we’re very much in the last quarter of the story. As always, I don’t let my characters just have their happy endings so fair warning lol. Hope you enjoy!!

——————

Most alcohol-drenched nights are followed by a healthy dose of regret the next morning. When the sun comes up and shines a light on mistakes made under the influence, there are red cheeks, apologies and promises to never let it happen again.

But when Y/n woke up, head pounding and body curled into Jamie’s, the earth beneath her shattered.

She was up and out of bed faster than her hangover wanted her to move. Thankfully, Jamie was a heavy sleeper and hadn’t budged when she slid out of his arms.

Y/n’s sober self had had the good sense not to unpack, cutting her getaway time in half. She threw on her jeans and sneakers from the day before, hurriedly threw her toiletry bag in her purse and tiptoed to the door.

Just as her hand reached for the knob, she looked back at Jamie. Peacefully sleeping, arm still stretched out around the air she’d occupied…

Y/n took a shuddering breath, pushing out the door before she could think anything of the sight.

Room 502 was closest to the elevator, giving her a quick escape. As she pressed the lobby and ‘door close’ buttons repeatedly, the memories began to flesh themselves out. As much as they could through the vodka fueled haze.

After dinner, Jamie and her had gone to a club. At some point, one of them had pulled one of them onto the dance floor. Y/n couldn’t remember who’d suggested it, only that it had sounded like a great idea in the moment. Things began to blur after that.

She frustratedly dug her palms into her eyes. How the hell could they let something like that happen?

In reality, it hadn’t been anyone’s idea. Y/n hadn’t invited Jamie in, and Jamie hadn’t asked. The whole thing had come about as naturally as the rest of their relationship. Their bleary and bright eyes had locked in the empty hall, Their bodies, so near, had drawn closer and their lips had met before they knew what they were doing.

Y/n’s stomach clenched, the nausea of both the hangover and the memory hitting suddenly.

The elevator dinged, signaling she’d arrived on the ground floor. She squeezed herself and her suitcase out the doors before they’s fully opened and marched through the lobby. It was still too early for the hotel to be busy, even for it being London. It felt like an hour only meant for people with secrets, sneaking out with nothing but shame and a prayer.

The brisk morning air slapped Y/n, angering her post-drunk state more. Nevertheless, she pushed forward and began to wave wildly at the street, waiting for a cab to catch the signal. She glanced over her shoulder every few seconds, half-expecting a half-dressed Jamie to come running through the lobby, chasing her down.

Blessedly, a cab pulled up to the curb and saved Y/n from the possibility. As the driver got out to help her with her suitcase, she stopped him.

“I’ve got it,” she called, waiting for him to pop the trunk and dropped her luggage in.

Y/n’s phone buzzed in her pocket and stole her focus. She opened her home screen to find the worst possible headlines.

‘Jamie Tartt Celebrates England Victory with Mystery Woman.’

‘Tartt’s New Tartt? New Couple Spotted Exiting Club.’

‘A Perfect 10? #9 and +1 Dance The Night Away.’

“Shit,” Y/n’s voice broke. The cars whooshing past her and their horns pulled her back to reality. She threw herself in the backseat and took stock of herself. She hadn’t realized how sweaty she was, how fast her chest was rising and falling, the slight tremble to her hands.

“Where to, love?”

Y/n jumped at the question, briefly meeting the cabbie’s eyes in the rear view mirror. “Richmond Green.”

He grunted in reply and steered the car back onto the road. As they pulled away, Y/n glanced back at the hotel. Jamie lay inside its heart, blissfully unaware of the nightmare waiting for him. Warm and solid, he’d stay asleep, holding onto her ghost.

In her stupor, she hadn’t even bothered to look at what top she’d been sleeping in. She didn’t recognize it. It was a dark grey t shirt, oversized with a familiar and distinct smell to it.

Jamie’s.

Y/n’s breath trembled, the tears welled in her eyes. She had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

—————————

“Fuck, shit, hell,” Y/n whispered under her breath, using every four letter word in her vocabulary. She hastened her steps, hitting the cobblestone of her street with a new fervor. She needed to be in her home, hidden from the world and everybody in it.

But the world was rarely ever so accommodating.

Stood outside Y/n’s door was Keeley, dressed more casually and fidgeting more than Y/n had ever seen.

“There you are!” Keeley exclaimed, running to her friend and grabbing her arms, “I’ve been texting you all morning.”

Y/n’s head throbbed at the pure volume of Keeley’s voice. If there’d been any alerts on her phone, she hadn’t seen them past the tabloid headlines. “Yeah, I, uh, went away for the night. Just to clear my head.”

Keeley was far too preoccupied to think anything of it. “I’ve got amazing news,” she smiled, “Rebecca offered to back the company.”

Either Y/n was dreaming, or the vodka was coming back for a second round of delusion. “What?”

“She’s financing us,” Keeley’s grin spread.

Y/n supposed that she should have felt relief. 24 hours before, she’d have been joined Keeley and probably started dancing in the street. The job she loved was saved. The life she’d built would stay whole.

Now it terrified her.

“Oh my gosh,” Y/n breathed, relieved at least that she still had a paycheck, “Wow. Okay.”

“I thought you’d be thrilled,” Keeley nudged Y/n’s arms, “You don’t have to leave Richmond now. Nothing changes.”

The fear deepened.

“Right, of course,” Y/n tried to smile, “I’m just…surprised.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” Keeley agreed, “I didn’t ask for her help or anything. She just offered and I tried to turn her down but…I really wanted to save this.”

Y/n ran a hand through her hair, her brain felt like it had been chopped into pieces and were floating around her skull. There was too much information to process, but this much she knew…

She’d slept with Jamie and she’d gotten her job at Richmond back.

Two things that couldn’t co-exist.

“Okay, I just wanted to tell you the news,” Keeley broke her out of her thoughts, cheerily wishing her goodbye.“I’ll leave you to your weekend.”

Just as she began to walk off, Y/n called her back. “Wait! You’re…you’re gonna need help getting the office back together. Why don’t I move into the building for a while?”

Keeley’s brows furrowed, “You want to leave Richmond?”

“I mean, there’s gonna be a shit ton of work to do,” Y/n explained, “Plus with a smaller staff, we’re going to have to work harder to maintain our clients. If I’m there, we can get twice as much done.”

Keeley didn’t object, giving the idea a fair hearing out.

“I can still take care of everything Richmond related,” Y/n assured, she was half defending the idea to herself, “Just from a distance.”

It had been an emotional 72 hours, for both women. Keeley had lost her company and gained it back, among other events. She was still raw. If Y/n was willing to help, she wasn’t going to turn it down.

Keeley reached for Y/n’s hands, her voice lowering. “Thank you.”

Y/n took a breath of relief, the whole plan hinged on Keeley not asking questions.

“Okay,” Keeley smiled, “Go get some rest. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“You got it,” Y/n replied, squeezing Keeley’s hands before parting. As soon as her boss’s back was turned, Y/n’s smile collapsed.

She unlocked her apartment door and shoved inside. She fell against the wood as soon as it shut.

Y/n had allowed herself to open up to her co-workers because it had killed her not to. She’d craved their kinship more than she’d coveted her solitude. It had been difficult, letting the Greyhounds in, but they hadn’t disappointed her. She’d had no regrets.

Until now.

Not only was her friendship with Jamie ruined by one stupid decision, it had opened the floodgates to all sorts of questions. Why had this happened? Was there a reason why it had happened with Jamie specifically? What was he thinking? What was he feeling? What was she feeling?

Was there…something?

Y/n had successfully avoided getting attached to anyone past a platonic level. But Jamie had become…something far past a friend. He was an extension of her, like an arm or leg might be. No one had ever gained her trust like he had. No one had ever made her happier than he had. If Y/n hadn’t known better, she’d have thought he was somehow sent to help heal her.

Days before, when she’d thought she had lost her job, the thought of leaving Jamie had leveled her. It had driven her to tears before she could get the full idea through her head. Missing Rebecca or Keeley would hurt, but nothing and no one could compare to losing Jamie.

Somewhere in her subconscious, Y/n could recall the kisses they’d shared. The feel of Jamie’s arms wrapped around her, hands grasping at whatever he could hold. But above all else, she could still feel the tenderness. The safety. The peace.

Y/n knew by the ache in her chest, she’d failed.

She buckled under the weight of the revelation, sinking to ground and curling in on herself. The tears came quick, as they only could from true emotion. The kind of feeling that holds the power to lift you up or crush your soul.

She was fucked.

—————————

Was avoiding your problems harder than dealing with them?

Y/n pondered the question as she circled Nelson Road Stadium for the third time. Practice started at 10AM sharp, but she was waiting a few extra minutes. Chances couldn’t be taken.

It had been nearly a week since the Wembley match and she’d developed a system to avoid ever crossing paths with Jamie. She’d packed up her office essentials the day after Keeley had given her the good news. She scheduled her meetings with Rebecca and Higgins during training and made sure she was out the door before the boys broke for lunch. All other matters were handled over email. So far it had been successful, she hadn’t seen Jamie once.

Privately, she’d dodged 32 calls, 15 voicemails and 25 text messages.

She knew she was running, that it wasn’t fair to Jamie just up and leaving that morning without so much as a note. But her fear was stronger than her empathy.

Since returning to Richmond, Y/n had felt the sparkle fade. The quaint little town’s magic was either passing over her head or had denounced her entirely. She supposed, as she passed the Crown and Anchor on her way home, that it had to do with her mood. Nothing had seemed right in the world since her night with Jamie.

Pulling her keys out her purse, Y/n looked ahead to her front door. There on her front stoop, anxiously tapping his foot was the very man she’d been avoiding.

Jamie looked up, half-surprised that she was actually there. He jumped to his feet and pushed back the hood of his sweatshirt. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Y/n replied, her voice unnaturally high.

There was an overwhelming amount of things to be said but neither of them could utter one. The last time they’d seen each other had created ten new walls for them to break through.

“I, uh,” Jamie scratched the back of his neck, “I tried callin’ ya and texting ya.”

Y/n took a deep breath, “Yeah, um, I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah,” Jamie nodded, “Course.”

Y/n fiddled with her keys as he fisted his pockets nervously. Their conversations had never been so lacking.

Jamie inhaled, “Look, I need to apologize for that night-“

“No,” Y/n squeezed her eyes shut, “Jamie-“

“No, I just need you to know that I didn’t, like,” he struggled, “Plan it or something.”

“Neither did I,” Y/n shook her head.

“I didn’t think that was gonna happen.”

“I didn’t either.”

Their words overlapped each other, both so eager to clear the air. The only difference were their intentions.

“Look, Jamie,” Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose, “What happened was a mistake. We were both drunk, we were both excited about the win and it just happened. I don’t blame you for anything so…we’re good. We never have to talk about it again.”

Jamie wasn’t sure how he’d expected the moment to go, but Y/n brushing off the whole thing was…it wasn’t it.

“Right, yeah,” he nodded. He had a choice in front of him, two conversational roads leading to either the best or worst conclusions. Jamie knew if he didn’t try, he’d regret it. “But…what if it wasn’t a mistake?”

Y/n was firm in her stance, but it didn’t show through her person. She was nearly trembling. “No, Jamie, it was.”

“No, I get we were drunk and there was a lot goin’ on, but,” Jamie took a hesitant step forward, “What if…what if we…I don’t know, what if it meant-“

“Jamie,” Y/n cut him off. Where his thoughts were leading was unbearable and she refused to entertain any part of it. “We fucked up. We don’t have to talk about it.”

In the days since the England win, Jamie had gone through every emotion he thought himself capable of feeling, plus a few new ones. The second he’d woken up in bed alone, he knew it hadn’t started that way. He’d put back together the memories of the night, dancing and drinking, stumbling back into the hotel room. Y/n was at the center of it all, soft and warm and his, just for a moment in time. Before he’d even opened his eyes that fateful morning, Jamie was at peace.

The calm ended the moment he glanced around the room and realized Y/n had left. In a hungover panic most likely, she’d run out. Jamie had been quick to try and catch her, throwing his clothes on and running down to the lobby. There was no trace or her. Back in the room, he’d found nothing left over of her. Jamie knew he’d messed up before he even knew if the blame was his to take.

He’d texted her, asking to talk. When there was no reply, he called and left messages, begging for two minutes of her time. He’d waited in the parking lot of Nelson Road, watching for her car to pull in until the very last minute before training. He’d raced into the building after each practice, roaming the halls expectantly. He’d knocked on her office door ten times a day, finding it empty every time. Finally, when he felt like he was fully losing his mind, Jamie drove to her place. He’d stay on her doorstep all night, that was perfectly fine with him. He needed to see her.

All of it had confirmed in Jamie’s head what his heart already knew.

He was crazy about Y/N.

He wasn’t sure when it had happened or what had changed, but somewhere along the line he’d fallen for her. The only thing about their night together Jamie regretted was how it happened. He didn’t want some drunken hook-up. He didn’t know what the fuck he wanted, but it wasn’t what had brought them to that moment. Standing outside of Y/n’s flat, avoiding the topic in its entirety.

Jamie swallowed, his eyes bouncing around her face looking for any cracks in her exterior. She wasn’t budging.

“Yeah,” he relented, “Okay.”

The conversation had scared Y/n enough, she was terrified to face Jamie in all her uncertainty about him. What truly made her afraid was the hesitation in Jamie’s eyes, the new tenderness in which he looked at her with. The possibility that he knew exactly what he felt. Y/n couldn’t handle any of it.

“So…we’re good,” she faked a smile, it didn’t reach half her face.

“Yeah,” Jamie’s whole body seemed to be caving in on itself. His tall posture had become lazy, his head drooped with resignation, “We’re good.”

In the space between them rested everything they weren’t saying, creating an ever thicker silence.

“I’ll, uh,” Jamie briefly pointed down the street, “Guess I’ll see ya at work.”

“Yeah,” Y/n tried to sound cheery, “See you.”

With clear hesitation, the two of them walked past one another, Jamie toward the road and Y/n to her door.

“Wait,” Y/n called, slipping her key in the lock and popping inside.

Jamie stayed on the sidewalk, his eyes tracing the stairs past the door. He’d never not been invited in.

Y/n crossed back over the threshold, holding a folded piece of grey fabric in her hand. She held it out to Jamie.

“I, uh,” she stammered, “I’ve been meaning to get this back to you.”

Jamie unfolded it to find it was one of his shirts. In their drunken stupor, he must have given it to her to sleep in. The crack developing in his chest deepened.

“Great,” he quickly covered, balling the top up and nodding gratefully.

“I washed it,” Y/n added.

“Yeah, thanks,” Jamie replied, he didn’t even know what he was saying. They’d crossed some new line of intimacy and it was killing him. If nothing more was going to come from them talking, he needed to leave. “I’ll see ya.”

Y/n’s breath caught as Jamie hastily descended her front steps and walked off into the night. He didn’t look back.

Entering her apartment and shutting the door, Y/n felt like she’d just laid a part of herself to rest. Simultaneously, a piece she’d long thought dead was blooming back to life. Neither one settled her.

Allowing herself to feel…something…for someone was the great mile marker she never dared to cross. It was one thing to get coffee with Keeley or go out clubbing with the team. It was a whole other arena to let someone to see her most vulnerable self. To give someone your best, your worst, and everything in between. To trust someone that much…

Y/n knew she could never let someone in that far, and that it had been a mistake to let Richmond in at all.

She sat down on her staircase, pulling her knees to her chest. She could never come so close to losing her sanity again. Whether she liked it or not, everything had to be different going forward.

——————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)

[webnewsify1]

CMT Awards 2023: Complete Winners List!

At the Moody Center in Austin, Texas, the CMT (Country Music Television) Music Awards were presented on Sunday. Kane Brown and Kelsea Ballerini, who were both nominees this year and performed during the show, served as the event's hosts, chosen by the audience. At the conclusion of the evening, Kane and his wife Katelyn Brown made history by becoming the first husband-and-wife team to win the coveted video of the year award for their song "Thank God." This was also the first time that each of them had won in the category. Jelly Roll, a rapper and country music performer, received three awards on Sunday, including male breakthrough video of the year. Gwen Stefani, Carrie Underwood, LeAnn Rimes, Keith Urban, and Alanis Morissette all gave performances during the ceremony. Alanis Morissette also made her CMT debut with a performance that commemorated the 10-year anniversary of the "CMT Next Ladies of Country." The 2023 "CMT Equal Play Award" was presented to country music legend Shania Twain, and tribute performances by other musicians were given in honour of Stevie Ray Vaughan and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Despite not receiving any awards on Sunday, Underwood is still the all-time CMT Awards champion with 25 wins. The complete list of nominations is provided below, with bolded names representing the winners.

CMT performance of the year

Black Pumas & Mickey Guyton - “Colors” (from 2022 CMT MUSIC AWARDS) Chris Stapleton - “Whenever You Come Around” (from “CMT Giants: Vince Gill”) Cody Johnson - “‘Til You Can’t” (from 2022 CMT MUSIC AWARDS) *WINNER Cole Swindell & Lainey Wilson - “Never Say Never” (from 2022 CMT MUSIC AWARDS) Emmy Russell & Lukas Nelson - “Lay Me Down” (from “Coal Miner’s Daughter: A Celebration of the Life and Music of Loretta Lynn”) Darius Rucker - “Let Her Cry” (from “CMT Storytellers”) The Judds - “Love Can Build a Bridge” (from 2022 CMT MUSIC AWARDS) LeAnn Rimes with Ashley McBryde & Carly Pearce - “One Way Ticket” (from “CMT Crossroads: LeAnn Rimes & Friends”) Keith Urban - “Wild Hearts” (from 2022 CMT MUSIC AWARDS) Wynonna Judd & Brandi Carlile - “The Rose” (from “Naomi Judd: A River of Time Celebration”)

CMT digital-first performance of the year

Charley Crockett - “Time of the Cottonwood Trees” (from “CMT Campfire Sessions”) Jelly Roll - “Son of a Sinner” (from “CMT All Access”) *WINNER Chris Young - “Gettin’ You Home” (from “CMT Stages”) Ingrid Andress - “Wishful Drinking” (from “CMT Studio Sessions”) Megan Moroney - “Tennessee Orange” (from “CMT Viral to Verified”) Scotty McCreery - “Damn Strait” (from “CMT Campfire Sessions”)

Video of the year

Ashley McBryde, Caylee Hammack, Brandy Clark & Pillbox Patti - “Bonfire at Tina’s” Blake Shelton - “No Body” Carrie Underwood - “Hate My Heart” Cody Johnson - “Human” Elle King feat. Dierks Bentley - “Worth a Shot” Gabby Barrett - “Pick Me Up” HARDY feat. Lainey Wilson - “wait in the truck” Jimmie Allen - “Down Home” Kane Brown & Katelyn Brown - “Thank God” *WINNER Keith Urban - “Wild Hearts” Kelsea Ballerini - “HEARTFIRST” Little Big Town - “Rich Man” Luke Bryan - “Country On” Luke Combs - “The Kind of Love We Make” Morgan Wallen - “You Proof” Walker Hayes - “AA”

Male video of the year

Bailey Zimmerman - “Rock and a Hard Place” Cody Johnson - “Human” Jelly Roll - “Son of a Sinner” *WINNER Cole Swindell - “She Had Me at Heads Carolina” Kane Brown - “Like I Love Country Music” Luke Combs - “The Kind of Love We Make” Morgan Wallen - “Wasted on You”

Female video of the year

Carly Pearce - “What He Didn’t Do” Carrie Underwood - “Ghost Story” Gabby Barrett - “Pick Me Up” Lainey Wilson - “Heart Like a Truck” *WINNER Kelsea Ballerini - “HEARTFIRST” Miranda Lambert - “Actin’ Up” Maren Morris - “Humble Quest”

Group/duo video of the year

Dan + Shay - “You (Performance Video)” Zac Brown Band - “Out in the Middle” *WINNER Lady A - “Summer State of Mind” Little Big Town - “Hell Yeah” Parmalee - “Take My Name” The War and Treaty - “That’s How Love Is Made”

Female breakthrough video of the year

Avery Anna - “Narcissist” Kylie Morgan - “If He Wanted to He Would” MacKenzie Porter - “Pickup” Megan Moroney - “Tennessee Orange” *WINNER Morgan Wade - “Wilder Days” Tiera Kennedy - “Found It in You”

Male breakthrough video of the year

Bailey Zimmerman - “Fall in Love” Corey Kent - “Wild as Her” Jelly Roll - “Son of a Sinner” *WINNER Drake Milligan - “Sounds Like Something I’d Do” Jackson Dean - “Don’t Come Lookin’” Nate Smith - “Whiskey on You” Read the full article

[catalogercas]

@wowie206 thanks for tagging me!

1. Heartfirst by Kelsey Ballerini

2. Married in a Gold Rush by Vampire Weekend

3. No Light, No Light by Florence + the Machine

4. Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford & Sons

5. Little Talks by Of Monsters & Men

6. Love Runs Out by OneRepublic

7. Something I Need by OneRepublic

8. Shut Up and Fish by Maddie & Tae

9. Blown Away by Carrie Underwood

10. Hold the Line by Toto

11. Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen

12. No Milk Today by Herman's Hermits

13. Killer Queen by Queen

No pressure tagging @whereintheworldiskamalakhan @lunar-years

13 songs I've been listening to lately

Thanks for tagging me, @mistressaccost 😊

"All Night Parking" - Adele

"What Was I Made For?" - Billie Eilish

"golden hour" - JVKE

"Liz" - Remi Wolf

"cellophane" - FKA twigs

"Good Stuff" - Griff

"Sweet Child O' Mine" - Sheryl Crow

"My Favorite Things" - John Coltrane

"All I Need Is a Miracle" - Mike + The Mechanics

"Let's Stay Together" - Al Green

"Morning Elvis" - Florence + The Machine

"Someday" - The Strokes

"Just One Look" - Doris Troy

Tagging: @sergeantpixie @cocoamoonmalfoy @wildwren @karinaisloud @jonairadreaming

[etherealperrie]

HEARTFIRST {pt. X}

– In which a trip down to the San Diego Naval base  to visit an old friend turns out to be more than a simple reunion, as the reader finds herself in the presence of an infuriating, cocky blonde and an old flame she thought had long fizzled out. –

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader, Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Contains: Bi!Natasha | Reader is old friends with Natasha “Phoenix” Trace | Reader has a past with Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw” | Reader has a lot of feelings about Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Warnings: none

A/N: Well, here we are, part ten. Writing this was honestly a little bit emotional for me -- I rarely ever write series, let alone finish them. I'm in love with this story and these characters and although this is the final chapter of HeartFirst, there may still be more in this story's universe (perhaps an epilogue or one-shot). This also isn't the last I'll write for TGM either, I have ideas for imagines and scenes with the characters and I want to continue being a part of this community! Okay, I'll stop here for now & just say that I hope you enjoy pt. 10 of HeartFirst <3 As usual, tag-list is at the bottom; let me know what you all think! & if you'd like to go back and read, check out my updated HeartFirst Masterlist (ft. links to each part & other fun stuff)

...

10:

You must be dreaming. The alcohol must have finally kicked in, causing a Miller-Lite induced mirage. That’s the only explanation for what – or who – you find at your front door.

“Jake?” you blink, shaking your head as if that might wake you from whatever dream you found yourself in; as if that might make him disappear into the night. It’s strange to see him looking so pedestrian, jeans hung low around his hips, his hair free of gel, the most unkempt you’ve ever seen, but still just as – if not more – handsome.

“Sorry to drop by unannounced.”

Your body connects with his before your mind has time to process, to think about or even consider the consequences. You simply can’t believe he’s here, in front of you. You knew he returned safely with the rest of the bunch, but you were certain you wouldn’t see him again and definitely not tonight. You don’t know why he’s here, but as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, tugging him inside, you realize it doesn’t matter much anyway.

The fabric of him is exactly the way you remember – maybe better as this time you’re unrestrained with your embrace, gripping him tightly. He follows suit, wrapping his arms around your middle, squeezing you. For a second you feel your feet lift from the ground and you laugh; half at the feeling and half at the spectacle the two of you were making despite still practically being strangers with unconfessed feelings. You decide not to question it, following the intuition of your body.

His body is warm against yours as you breathe in the scent of him, your head neatly tucked into the crook of his neck. You fold into each other with such ease that you wonder why you’ve been fighting it all this time. It was painfully obvious now, the ache in your heart suddenly gone, that your invisible string is knotted firmly to him now that he stands so close. You might not let him go, not if he gives you the chance.

He doesn’t say anything and neither do you, your quiet breathing the only sound in accompaniment to the chorus of crickets outside. That is, until you lean back for a moment to admire the soft fabric of whatever he’s wearing. You place your hand on his chest, letting your fingers toy with the strings of his hoodie.

“Nice sweatshirt,” you laugh, your eyes raking over the gray US Navy logo.

“Figured it would be a good way to break the ice,” he replies, fully releasing you from his grasp as he exhales.

“Jake, I’m sor-”

“You don’t need to apologize. If anyone does, it’s m—”

“No, Jake I do,” you interrupt, crossing your arms over your chest. “I want to.” You nod in the direction of your living room and he raises his eyebrows, following you to the couch. The two of you settle down and you take a breath, lifting your eyes to meet his. “I’m sorry.”

His eyes map every inch of your face as you work to connect all of the words you want to say from your brain to your lips, hoping to get them working in tandem. He doesn’t say anything, just watches – waiting – the knuckles of his right hand gently grazing your naked knee.

“I’m sorry that I ran to Bradley that night, I don’t know what I was thinking.” You watch him suck in a breath but you continue on despite it. “Well, maybe I do know what I was thinking. I knew what you said during training would hurt him and I needed to make sure he was okay. That sounds stupid, I know, but I care about him and I thought that if I showed up for him that maybe he’d change his mind. Maybe that would flip some switch in his head about me.”

You stop for a moment to catch your breath and gauge Jake’s reaction. He sits before you, his brow slightly wrinkled as he processes your words.

“I was so worried about what Bradley thought of me and about trying to change him that I pushed everything – and everyone – else away. I didn’t realize what was right in front of me. The whole time I was on base I felt this, this…pull at my chest whenever you two were around and I think I got lost in the nostalgia, mistaking that feeling for wanting the past: wanting Bradley. I didn’t connect the dots until it was too late, until I’d pushed you so far away that I couldn’t feel it – you – anymore,” you lift your hand to your heart and let out a sigh. “When you said you felt second to Bradley and when you left, I felt awful. I thought about you every day, played our conversation over and over in my head, thinking about what I wish I would’ve said or I wish you would’ve done. You might hate me now, but I–”

“I don’t hate you,” he mumbles. Jake raises his hand, placing it over yours where it rests on your chest.

“I feel it too.” He runs his thumb softly over yours. The feeling of his callused skin over your knuckle is warm, electric, sending a current of want rippling through your body. It’s him. A touch that small having such an effect could point to little else; it would be nothing from anyone else but him. “The pull, I mean.”

He shifts in his spot on the couch, tugging your hand away from your chest to rest in his lap.

“I wanted to ignore it,” he says, shrugging his shoulders, “figured it would go away with time, if we just had it out.”

“So that’s why you were so eager to get me into bed,” you tease, your voice just above a whisper.

Jake shakes his head, chuckling. “Yes and no.” His tongue darts across his lips before he speaks again. “I wanted to take you home the minute I saw you in the bar, before I even kissed you. That confirmed it.” His eyes are intense, glimmering in the dim light of your living room. He smiles to himself, as if replaying the memory of you two meeting that night at the Hard Deck back in his mind. His breathing is quiet, shallow as he looks for a hint of emotion on your face. The bright headlights of a car pass by the open window across the room, bathing the two of you in light for a fleeting moment; all you see is the blush of his cheeks and his wet smile. That stupid, lopsided, pretty boy smile.

“Then you were around all of the time and the more I saw you, the more we flirted, the more I got to know you, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to just move on like before. I knew if we had sex I was going to fall for you.” His eyes catch yours again and he squeezes your hand. “I don’t know though, I might have been falling anyway.”

“That sounds incredibly cliché,” you reply.

“Always have to cut me down a peg,” he chuckles.

“Someone has to keep you humble, Hangman.”

There’s a beat of silence while you both just sit and stare, taking the other in. You’re still not certain what you’re experiencing is real: neither is he. Jake wasn’t sure he’d get to this point; even after he worked up the courage to ask Phoenix where he could find you, then drove here to see you and stood outside your door for a full fifteen minutes before finally ringing the bell. Even after all of that he thought you genuinely might not want to see him. He worried the last thing he’d see was you, slamming the door at the sight of him and he wasn’t sure he could carry on after that; it’s what made deciding to come back to you so difficult. He expected to grovel, not for you to pull him through the door the way you did, the scent of your perfume washing over him, comforting him the moment your hands landed on his chest. 

Damn, when did he get so soft?

“If I may, I’d like to keep going with my cliché – I’m sorry, amazing – apology.” He raises an eyebrow, taunting you.

“Oh, is there an apology here after all?” A light laugh escapes from your lips and you gesture for him to continue with a wave of your hand. “Please, the floor is yours.”

“I’m sorry for running. When you left that night to see Rooster, I shut down because I,” he pauses to swallow, inhaling a deep breath, “I’d just worked up the courage to tell you how I felt. Then I saw your bags packed and saw how upset you were about what I said and I knew I fucked up. I took it out on you, made it out to be your fault and blamed it on the mission because I was scared of rejection. Scared of how much I liked you.”

“Liked or like?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” 

“I think I have an idea.” 

His eyes flash something mischievous under the light, his lips lifting into a sly smile. “Enlighten me, then.” 

You roll your eyes and release his hand, leaning back into the leather of the couch. It’s strange, how natural your banter feels despite having been apart and how normal the sight of him in your home feels to you. It’s a sight you could get used to, him resting amongst the throw pillows and blankets, a sight you’d quite like to come home to: night after night. 

“Well, you showed up at my house without a warning – which I know you had to humble yourself and ask either Tash or Bradley for – so that ticks off the ‘grand gesture’ box.” 

“Wait, what is the ‘grand gesture box’?” he asks, leaning into you, curious to hear more. 

“Think about every romance movie you’ve ever seen, or book you’ve ever read,” you say, turning to look at him. He’s smiling as he watches you talk, his cheeks pink. You continue. “There’s always a check-list of sorts that helps you realize the couple is in love.”

“And one is the grand gesture?” 

You nod. “Which you did tonight. Bonus points for showing up unannounced. Double bonus points for it being after a long time apart.” 

“So, I’m doing pretty well, then?” 

“We’ve ticked a lot of boxes,” you laugh. 

“Tell me more.” 

You lift your hand, raising each individual finger as you list things off. “Late night drunken talks. Witty banter. Stolen glances.” 

“The pull,” Jake adds, his eyes drifting to your chest. 

“The pull,” you repeat, lifting another finger. 

Sitting up, you find yourself only an inch from Jake, your noses practically touching. The last time you were this close to him, you were in his bed dressed in his sweatshirt – the very one he’s wearing right now. Heat rushes to your cheeks at the memory, or perhaps it’s from your current proximity. “But there’s one box we haven’t ticked off yet,” you breathe. Your eyes falter from Jake’s eyes down to his lips, admiring the subtle curve of his bottom lip. His eyes flit upwards, pulling you back to him as he hums low. 

“Mmm, what’s that?”

“The confession.”

“Does a kiss count?” 

His lips are on yours in the next second and god, it’s glorious. You sink into him, pressing gently against his chest as he lets out a soft moan, deepening the kiss. His hands cup either side of your face, cradling you between his palms. You smile into him, laughter bubbling to the surface, breaking the kiss. He rests his forehead against yours, your ragged breathing filling the silence of the room. It’s the most gentle moment the two of you have exchanged, nothing forcing the two of you together other than true, honest desire. Not a drunken lust. Not a revenge-filled plot. No rush; just you and Jake.

Jake shifts his weight and moves his hands from your cheeks to your waist, holding you steady as he leans back into the couch, taking you with him. You now lay atop of him, your hands on his chest propping you up, granting you access to continue looking at him. You’d like to look at him like this forever, beneath you, his body warm against yours, his hands wandering the land of your back. 

“I really like you, Hangman,” you whisper. 

“Good,” he replies, lifting a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “I really like you too.” 

It’s a blissful moment, one you hope will last forever. Or, at the very least, a few more hours. You feel light, almost as if you might not really be experiencing this at all, as if you’re actually floating above it all watching it happen to someone else. But, as you breathe in the scent of Jake and press a stray kiss to the base of his jawline and hear him sigh, you’re reminded it’s real. 

You tuck yourself closer into him, resting your cheek against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat echoing in your ear. The beat is soft and slow, calm. In the quiet of the moment something tugs at your chest as you breathe, a question bubbling up your throat and out your lips. 

“So are you finally gonna tell me?” 

His heartbeat fastens and you smile to yourself, suddenly aware of the influence you hold on him. 

“Tell you what?”

“Whatever you were planning on saying that night,” you explain. “Before everything went to shit.” 

“Well,” he says, clearing his throat, “I was going to ask you out. Formally.”

Your breath catches in your throat when you realize what you’d turned down when you ran away. You knew he had something to say, something to ask you, but you were so upset with him and with yourself, so hung up on wanting to reinvent the past that you never really considered that Jake wanted you in that way: that his feelings were sincere. That he wanted to know you, to be with you on a deeper level, not only superficial, drunk makeouts at the Hard Deck. 

“What did you have in mind?” you press, running your fingers along his torso. He shivers under your touch. You bite down on your lip gently as he moves underneath you. A giddy feeling flows through you at your newfound ability to touch him without restraint, without guilt.

“Dinner. An actual dinner. I thought it might be a good send off. We’d dress up, I’d pick you up, we’d eat, and I’d tell you that I’d like to see you again after the mission and hope you would say you felt the same way.” 

You sit up, a stupid grin plastered across your lips. You can’t help it or wipe it away despite how cheesy it feels. Jake looks up at you, his green eyes shaded by the length and curl of his eyelashes, that same smile on his lips, too. 

“I think I have some leftover takeout in the fridge and an unopened bottle of wine,” you suggest, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. 

“Are you asking me out?” 

You nod, holding back laughter.

“Then it’s a date,” he whispers, sitting up to kiss you.

...

TAGLIST:

@callsign-blue @arianna-bradshaw @n3ssm0nique@blue-aconite @supernaturaldawning @revolution-starter @saramaple @bittergomez @coco-loco-nut @unluckymonaghan @jointherebellion215 @supernaturalstuff83 @kkrenae @littlebear423 @shadeds-library @malums-trash-can @maggiedanikka @rintheemolion @tallrock35 @thebeautifullydamnedone @justanothermagicalsara

[rebelrayne]

one thing about me i-listen-to-a-lot-of-country-music-and-it-is-very-stereotypical-because-i-live-in-america-in-a-country-area but thank you @irishbelle34 and @lasswithumor for tagging me 🤍

anyway - my favorite 15 songs right now

1 bless the broken road - rascal flatts

2 rewind - rascal flatts (my fic 'rewind' was based on this song)

3 what hurts the most - rascal flatts

4 these days - rascal flatts

5 jesus can - austin french (yes, it's very near and dear - i sang over and over in the o.r. when my kid was born at 29 weeks)

6 while you're at it - alana springsteen

7 tequila talkin' - jimmie allen

8 my wish - rascal flatts (makes me cry every time)

9 hello summer - danielle bradbery (my fic 'and the day after that, too' was based on this song)

10 one thing right - marshmello & kane brown

11 trying not to - alana springsteen

12 heartfirst - kelsea ballerini

13 for what it's worth - breland

14 i hate love songs - kelsea ballerini (my fic 'but lately...' was based on this song)

15 this is us - jimmie allen & noah cyrus

i have no idea who has been tagged now so i'm sorry if i double tag i looked and tried not to lol @aislinnstanaka @csmicletters @caitkaminski @doulyeah @fujihime-litg @longbobmckenzie @mercedesdecorazon @mrsbsmooth @oliverslove @queen-of-boops @thoracic-orchid @willkimurashat but no pressure - it was honestly hard after naming 10

[midnight-star-world]

#CountryMusic

CMT 1-7-23

So today I will be bringing you the Hottest 20 Country Music Videos for the week of 1/7/23 from CMT (Country Music Television). So let's get started right now.

Number 20 belongs to Corey Kent who is new to the list this week - Wild as her.

Number 19 belongs to Morgan Wallen who is new to the list this week - Thought you should know.

Number 18 belongs to Kelsea Ballerini who is dropping 10 spots this week - HEARTFIRST.

Number 17 belongs to Walker Hayes who is moving up 1 spot this week - Y'all life.

Number 16 belongs to Carrie Underwood who is moving up 1 spot this week - Hate my heart.

Number 15 belongs to Cody Johnson who is moving up 1 spot this week - Human.

Number 14 belongs to Dierks Bentley who is moving up 1 spot this week - Gold.

Number 13 belongs to Sam Hunt who is staying in the same spot as last week - Water under the bridge.

Number 12 belongs to Hardy featuring Lainey Wilson who are moving up 2 spots this week - wait in the truck.

Number 11 belongs to Blake Shelton who is moving up 1 spot this week - No body.

Number 10 belongs to Jimmie Allen who is dropping 9 spots this week - Down home.

Number 9 belongs to Carly Pearce who is moving up 2 spots this week - What he didn't do.

Number 8 belongs to Lainey Wilson who is moving up 1 spot this week - Heart like a truck.

Number 7 belongs to Bailey Zimmerman who is dropping 5 spots this week - Fall in love.

Number 6 belongs to Kane Brown with Katelyn Brown who are moving up 1 spot this week - Thank God.

Number 5 belongs to the Zac Brown band who are staying in the same spot as last week - Out in the middle.

Number 4 belongs to Jordan Davis who is moving up 2 spots this week - What my world spins around.

Number 3 belongs to Nate Smith who is moving up 1 spot this week - Whiskey on you.

Number 2 belongs to Gabby Barrett who is moving up 1 spot this week - Pick me up.

Number 1 belongs to Jelly Roll who is moving up 9 spots this week to take the top - Son of a sinner.

And that's a wrap for the Hottest 20 Country Music Videos for the week of 1/7/23 from CMT (Country Music Television). Thanks as always goes out to CMT for doing their weekly Country Music Video Countdowns. And thanks as well goes out to you for taking the time to read this weekly list. See ya all next time.