#healing from ferrarism

[formulapisces]

Lando 3 points behind LEC in the drivers standings 🤭 (& SAI only 9 ahead of LEC 👀) HE NEEDS TO KEEP UP THIS FORM (and Ferrari needs to keep up whatever the bloody hell they're doing atm, maybe Aston too but I think that's me being slightly optimistic)

if you told me at the beginning of this season that i’d be rooting for lando over ferrari, and especially charles, i would probably have imploded. like i still don’t properly believe it 😭 rip to my hardcore chirlie era i guess, you won’t be missed.

i think mclaren can catch aston, not so sure about ferrari, but p4 is pretty much guaranteed if AM keep going 📉📉📉

[wheresmymilliondollarman]

aaron warner x ferrars! reader pt. 3

when omega point falls, you find yourself in need of the supreme commander's son, and discover unresolved feelings along the way.

(taken place during ignite me & hc continuation from part two)

that is literally me in this gif y'all🖤🖤

a/n: hello!! finally back with part 3. i'm sorry for the wait, i wanted to do other requests, but tbh i might focus on this little series so that way it's complete and everyone can read it all together. also idk why i even label it hcs anymore LMAOO like i feel it's progressed to a fic atp, but i'm too stubborn to change my format and titles, so humor me LOL. (maybe i'll turn this into a legit fic when i finish, who knows) pls do not kill me for not including every detail, i tried to highlight the best parts as much as i could. also might seem all sunshine rainbows rn with relationships, but just wait for the next book… 🤞 extra info: kinda change adam's character cus i feel like he was an extra ass at times for no reason in the book?? like trying to kill kenji for no reason?? small redemption arc. kinda slight change to juliette. also, i love making reader, juliette, and kenji a lil trio.

word count: 10.7k (im insane)

warnings: mentions of fights, blood, injuries, and death. use of military time (reader so me fr bc it took me so long to understand that shit), suggestive and matureish content.

the first thing on your mind, when you woke up, is that you had to be dead. if you opened your eyes, you would see the golden gates of heaven or the fiery pit of hell. based on how you lived your short life: you were thinking hell.

you realized you were alive and mostly well from the horrible aching from your body, the bandages wrapped around your chest, and the fact your current surrounding was a bedroom.

"hey, amor, take it easy." a voice said as you attempted to sit up.

by your side was aaron warner, sitting down on a stool next to the bed you laid on. he, uncharacteristically, looked disheveled, his clothes messy, and his eyes anxious.

your panic arose as you remembered events - fighting against the reestablishment, then getting caught, and then being shot in the chest by anderson. and then you recognized the room; it was aaron's bedroom - back at the base.

aaron notices your alarm and grabs your hands to calm you down. "it's alright you're safe here, i'm not gonna hurt you."

it may have been an idiotic move, but you believed his words.

"why are we here?"

"i had no choice. everyone believes your dead, and the base is the best place to keep you hidden."

"i don't understand...i'm not a medic by any means, but shouldn't i be dead?"

"you have sara and sonya to thank for that. they were able to save your heart from stopping before being dragged away by my father. then, i was able to take their energy as my own and heal the rest of you."

you were thankful for his aid in your life being saved, but you were too focused on many other worries to properly thank him. like the state of your friends.

you try your hand at getting up, trying to ignore the dizziness that comes with it. aaron holds you steady to stop you from falling.

aaron protests, "you need to res-" but you interrupt, "i need to go. i-i have to find everyone and help them."

"you can't."

you stop your movement and turn to aaron, "what do you mean? i know i'm in horrible shape, but i have to see juliette and everyone else could be in troubl-"

"it's over."

your face scrunches up in confusion, "what?"

aaron's silent for a few movements; you can't breathe. he looks down, his grip on you tightening, "they're dead. all of them."

you look at him in horror, your mouth open, but no words are released. your knees give out, and Aaron carries your full weight in his arms.

he slowly brings you both down to the ground next to the bed, still holding onto you. "i'm sorry, please believe me when i say that. if there was a way to spare you of this pain i would do it in a heartbeat."

you feel like a shell of yourself, you have no reaction, just an emotionless look on your face.

"what happened?" you say in a monotone voice.

"amor, i think you need to lay down or shower, then eat some-"

"what happened," you repeat with a harsher voice.

"they... overtook your friends, some were taken to be tortured, but most were.. shot dead."

"and omega point?"

"....destroyed. they got the coordinates and bombed the entire foundation."

you feel disconnected from reality; nothing feels real. everything is numb; you can't find it in yourself to let out any sort of emotion.

"so juliette, kenji, adam, james..."

aaron didn't need to answer for you to know. they're gone.

the first thing you did was laugh like a lunatic, aaron likely looked at you like you were mad. then finally, the tears came.

you yelled at aaron to get out, even though it was his room. in hysteria, you started levitating things and throwing them at him until he exited the room.

you don't know how long you spent sobbing on the floor next to the bed. you weren't even sure if you were going to stop.

your voice was sore from the number of times you wailed apologies to juliette for being a bad sister and for not being there to protect your friends.

when the tears finished, you reached denial. you knew your friends - there was no way they were dead. juliette was stronger than you, physically and sometimes mentally, so if you could survive a bullet to the chest, your sister could be alive.

when aaron comes back hours later to check on you, he didn't expect to see you walking around in new attire, packing clothes and items into a bag.

"what are you doing?"

"i have to go back."

aaron was taken aback by your statement, but you claimed there was a possibility there were people who survived. he countered saying he'd seen the damage and it wasn't likely. you didn't listen to him and continued preparing.

"this is unhealthy and possibly delusional thinking."

"well, then put me back in the asylum if i'm wrong. i'm going if you let me or not."

he sighs, and then gives in, not before insisting he comes along with you. now you were the one taken aback. was he actually offering to help you?

"why do you seem surprised? it's not as if i haven't made my care for you quite clear."

"no offense, but you're the most confusing man ever. i want to trust you, i've seen your good-natured side. you even claim to.. love me. but you work for the reestablishment, but then claim to be on my side. don't forget the fact you tried to turn juliette and i into weapons for the reestablishment, held us, hostage, at your base, and put us into a torture chamber. not exactly behavior that screams i want to help you."

at this he laughs then laughs harder and you get annoyed, not knowing what was funny. you were ready to kick him out again until he finally stooped.

"i suppose i owe you a long overdue explanation."

nothing prepared you for his next words. aaron began to retell the events from his perspective. starting with his true intentions of bringing you and juliette from the asylum - to study the both of you.

aaron explained his mother's condition, being unable to be touched - a reverse juliette basically. he sought out her at first, then discovered your existence and became intrigued more.

he invented the guise of using you both for weapons as a way for his father to agree to invest in you both.

as anderson mentioned before, juliette was of special interest because of her ability, and yours wasn't as impressive to him at the time. aaron had to convince the commander that your mind reading ability would be great for spy purposes.

once he brought the two of you to the base, he was ready to face 2 vicious and demented sisters, but it was literally the opposite of that. instead he got stuck with two stubborn and immature, you were offended at that, teenage girls.

"juliette was more of the hard-headed one, you mostly just followed along, i figured that out after the dinner and dress stunt. however, i can't say feeding you myself wasn't pleasurable for myself."

aaron saw your fear of your own ability and had intentions to help you and juliette, in his own way.

his tried various ways to unlock your potential - with juliette he tried anger and bullying and with you he knew you couldn't suppress hearing thoughts, so he figured spending time with you was the best option. but he came to understand how much he loved being around you.

"i was so addicted to being around you, i got sidetracked. but then my worry grew when you both showed no progress on enhancing your ability, so as a last resort, i arranged an experiment."

to your surprise, he revealed it was actually a simulation which was a major relief to you that no one was actually harmed by your powers, well, no one besides warner. but he partly deserved it for putting you through that.

although you were mad he implanted that fear into you, you had to admit. it did work.

"so, instead of finding some way to inform me earlier of all this, you make my sister and i think of you as some supervillain who wanted control of our autonomy." you grab the nearest pillow and launch it at him. "you're an idiot! we were scared out of our minds! juliette and i's last conversation was a fight over that! do you know much much time you could- are you seriously smiling?"

"god, i love it when you yell at me."

now that the ait was clear, you were able to put more of your faith into aaron and his intentions. and not feel bad about kissing him.

the two of you worked together on a plan to get you back to what was left of omega point.

you met an older gentleman by the name of delalieu. he was very sweet, but it got a little vexing every time he jumped to warner's defense whenever you made a remark; even ones said in levity. 

a few days later, when aaron deemed it safer, you both set off to leave. although you had the misfortune of having to be stuffed into a cart to avoid being spotted. at least it was better than the body bag you were transported in the first time.

the two of you transported to what was left of omega point in a tank. aaron notably was able to drive to the location with ease. you grew suspicious because one - he told his father he didn't know how to get there and two - he was unconscious the whole time you, juliette, kenji, and adam drove there. you decide to question him on the matter.

"i wasn't completely unconscious on the trip there. i was very conscious when you were touching my hair and tracing my features."

"i knew it! you little faker, you intentionally pushed yourself onto me didn't you!"

when you both arrived, the scene was as horrible as you imagined. - rubbles and dust everywhere and a huge gaping hole miles down. you felt sick thinking about everyone who stayed behind, including james. god, you hoped at least your friends were alright.

you were suddenly tackled to the ground by warner, and the sound of a gunshot followed after. a voice yelled out, and you immediately recognized it - kenji.

you got up instantly and ran to him, attacking him with a gigantic hug, tears brimming at your eyes.

"oh my god, i thought you were dead!"

"i thought you were dead!"

"you almost killed me right now when you shot at us like a lunatic!"

"sorry, i was aiming for warner- where'd he go?"

you change subject, "juliette? is she alright?"

kenji confirms she is alive, and you felt like you could breathe again. you needed to see her as soon as possible.

kenji started looking for warner like a madman, and you, too, were curious about his whereabouts - until he startled you by "showing" up behind you. he had turned himself invisible.

he was ready to take you both back before kenji shot him, but you declined to say you had to see juliette and anyone else that survived. aaron was reluctant but then handed you a pager, not that you knew what it was, and gave you a limit of four hours. you thought it to be ridiculous, but you compromised to ease his worries.

you and kenji ventured back to adam's house, your first time being there since you were unable to the first time around. he, heart-achingly, filled you in on the events, how they searched for you, how many were lost, and who remained. you told your side of the action, including everything with aaron.

kenji did have some judgemental comments, but you understood he was reeling from the shock of everything, especially from the details regarding aaron.

you bite your tongue when kenjii speaks ill of warner. defending him would only make you look naive, plus you couldn't deny the others had their reasoning for disliking the guy. you would end up sounding like delalieu.

"so what, you like the guy now? god, don't tell me your gullible enough to fall for it just because he's the first guy to show interest in you."

his words cut deep into you, but you don't respond and change the subject back to getting to the house. you didn't want to argue after being so happy kenji is alive. but damn did you want to give him a shove with your powers.

your spirits lifted as soon as you reached the destination. you pull kenji to the front door and urge him to open it. he knocks and confirms his identity before it's opened by winston, who was shocked to see you.

you greeted him quickly, feeling bad, but your main focus was your sister. next you see alia, castle, brendan, lily and alia. (all frozen to their spots as soon as they noticed you). when you see james you give him a tight hug, thankful for his well-being.

adam and juliette walked out of the kitchen engaged in conversation, not noticing you at first. then kenji drew their attention with a cough.

both of you were paralyzed at first; you were the first to break and jump at her with tears and an overbearing hug. she was quick to return it, then the both of you started crying in relief to see each other after thinking the other was dead.

"i'm so sorry for how we ended things, you had a right to be upset and i was a bad sister for not taking your feelings into account. "

"no, i'm the one who overreacted. i should've came with you the moment you told me you felt something was wrong."

"okay we get it elsa and anna; you're both very happy to see each other. please, no more tears."

you both pulled away, laughing softly at your dramatics. you turned and gave adam a much quicker hug, him happy to see you breathing.

with greeting out of the way, everyone's attention was turned back to you, particularly how you survived. you took a deep breath, and retold everything you told kenji, leaving out intimate details about aaron and you. everyone reacted similarly to the way kenji had.

the room then filled with different questions and thoughts, all voices one another, reminding you of listening to different people's thoughts at the same time. they all started assuming the worst in warner, and this time you did defend him - but it only made you look guilty.

the subject turned over to what was the next plan of action. castle was out of it, so he provided no help. adam was the first to protest any sort of fight, his concern for james overshadowing. juliette was on the fence about it for adam's sake, but you knew she wanted to fight against the reestablishment like everyone else, if not more. especially after all they had put the two of you through.

the conversation barely got past arguments before the front door was suddenly brought down. everyone, besides you, held up weapons to attack the intruder - you held up your hands, ready to use your power if necessary. but then you recognized the intruder quickly - aaron.

you ran over in front of him and advised everyone to stand down, but they didn't listen, they were too focused on the fact aaron had arrived.

you readied yourself to lower their weapons yourself, but then aaron made a move of his own and flung all the guns across the room with levitation.

"i was gonna do that.." you mumbled quietly to yourself.

"apologies, amor, i'll let you get them next time."

everyone else was stunned, you explained aaron's gift, but it was still a shock to see. a few banters are exchanged, but aaron, uncaring as ever, ignores them and proceeds to grab your arm so the two of you can leave. however, you stop him, not wanting to leave on bad terms.

you informed everyone that aaron was on your side, and they were understandably doubtful to believe it, but as they noticed how he acted with you, it became more believable.

you took the chance to try to persuade everyone to stand up again against the rebellion. juliette and kenji were the first to side with you, and slowly everyone followed along, adam and ian being the ones more reluctant. you could respect adam for thinking of james and juliette, and ian was just an asshole, but he was also mourning. in a turn of events, castle chimed in with his support.

aaron, not thrilled about the new members of your alliance, announced the two of you would be leaving. juliette protested, not wanting to be away from you after she just got you back.

part of you longed to lay on the comfortable bed back at the base, but you needed to stay with your team. so, you made an agreement aaron could return for you the next day.

"so i'll come back for you tomorrow? thirteen hundred hours."

"thirteen hundred hours? like from now?"

"it means one o'clock."

"... one o'clock is not thirteen hundred hours from now."

aaron was holding back a laugh, juliette was just as confused, and kenji physically facepalmed.

aaron eventually left after you reassured him you'd be fine. ian was of no help as he kept insulating it was better if you left. adam stormed off not long after, juliette following to calm him. she returned looking dejected and assumed she and adam fought. kenji suggested the three of you go out for a walk, although it was late.

during the night stroll, all three of you got emotions off your chest. kenji's feelings about the whole situation, juliette's issues with adam (they were still technically broken up) , and your turmoil with warner. kenji was somewhat holding back, but you knew he was just trying to hold up a strong facade.

as you disclosed your confusion and feelings, kenji had many questions, from disbelief, and juliette mainly just patiently listened and remained silent.

"so you like the guy, for what his personality? totally has nothing to do with his looks?

"hey, i'm not shallow! ...aaron just happens to be gifted with excellent looks."

"hearing you call him aaron is so weird. and i'm not judging you if you did. seeing adam shirtless is probably what drew juliette to him at the start."

"hey!"

the light banter made the solemn conversation easier to talk through. it was nice to be always from everything for a bit, and just act like friends.

you three returned back, kenji walked to the door first, and juliette grabbed your wrist to stop you from following him.

"i just want to talk to you alone real quick. about warner,.. or aaron, whatever you call him."

you held your breath, partly ready for her to possibly start another argument.

"i know you're confused about what you feel for him still, but i need you to know if you decide you love him - i'll support you. i don't want it to get in the way our bond. after everything that's happened... i realized there no time to waste on petty little things, especially about guys. all that should matter is we're always here for each other."

you give each other another heartfelt and tearful hug; glad kenji wasn't there to comment on how sappy and emotional it is.

"so, just between us sisters, do you think you love him?"

you laugh, and open the truth of your heart of her.

back inside, you all prepared for him or, as aaron called it a "slumber party." wasn't too far off since everyone besides james, adam, and castle slept on the ground.

your place was between kenji and juliette, each of you having your own pillow and blanket. winston and brendan bantered a bit about kicking faces before the turns finally went out.

"kenji, i know it will be incredibly hard, but keep your hands to yourself."

"you wish. you should be telling your sister that, she's basically all over me every night."

"shut up."

the next day brought a lot of drama. the day started off late, leaving little time to discuss before aaron arrived. another fight between adam and juliette set off. the issue being that aaron was coming back, which adam was completely against. he had been fine with your stay, but he wouldn't compromise for letting him return. adam gave an ultimatum, if you brought warner he would essentially kick you out.

juliette went to your defense and partly aaron's for your benefit. this only set off adam more. kenji tried his hand at intervening but only got backlash from adam, who stormed off outside after. everyone else stayed quiet, but you could tell one or two silently agreed with adam.

you didn't wanna stir any more trouble than needed, so you started preparing yourself to go, clicking the little mechanism aaron gave you a couple times to ensure it worked.

brendan, winston, castle, lily insisted you stay as well. james also gave a small plead for you to remain. juliette believed she could still talk some sense into adam.

it felt great to have their support, but at the same time, you felt bad for having to divide everyone into teams, yours or adam's. instead of building a team, you were tearing one apart.

before you knew it, the newly fixed door was again slammed open by the same intruder from the day before. aaron barged in, almost of breath and distressed. you thought something happened to him because of how disarranged he looked.

he locked his gaze on you and speedily grabbed you in his arms, cupping your face and scanning you up and down for any injuries. you were a bit embarrassed as everyone was a witness to aaron fussing over your well-being.

"did you run here?"

"of course, you beeped the pager."

you assured him you were alright and turned back to everyone with faces of incredulity.

"woah, this is... freaky." winston began.

"i worked for this guy for more than a year and never even saw him smile."

you explained to aaron that you couldn't stay at the house any longer but couldn't leave everyone else either. he offers to have them stay in the training area, but kenji declines, needing a better offer. juliette sides with kenji, the rest don't fully trust warner, so they need reassurance.

you couldn't bare the thought of leaving everyone again, so you pleaded to aaron to give in to their demands, willing to compromise whatever. you were happy and a little shocked, along with everyone else, when he accepted the terms.

"i'll return tomorrow at fourteen hundred ho-" he sees your confused face again, "2 o'clock. i really must educate you on military time, amor"

"or you could just say the time on a clock like the average person."

aaron takes your hand and guides you back to the tank to make your way back to the base before anyone notes his disappearance.

you express your gratitude for his help, and he responds by saying there's not need, he would do whatever to ease your pain. he also partly owed it to you for being so dismissive when you believed your friends were alive.

"i know they all judge you right now, and maybe they always will. but, i do believe you're a good person, and sure, you have flaws, but who doesn't - i am certainly no saint. i don't want to fix you...just want to make you see yourself in a better light like i do." your final words before falling into a slumber against the window.

you return back to the base the way you came in with delalieu's help. your both back in aaron's room, not having said a word to each other since the tank. aaron's started to ask questions about what had happened back at adam's house. you briefly told him about the drama about adam not wanting you there if you were with warner.

aaron became upset, not liking how adam treated you, and reassured you he would harm him if you wanted him to. you quickly assure him that you didn't care about it, you weren't going to beg to stay where you weren't wanted. you were mostly concerned about what it had done to whatever relationship was left between juliette and adam. she obviously loved him, but she couldn't hold herself back for him either.

you go silent at the mention of juliette, remembering your last private conversation. aaron, being able to easily feel your emotions, pick up and it and presses for information.

"it's just.. she asked me if i loved you."

aaron's breath hitches, "what was your response."

"i told her, 'love is a strong word. i'm not even sure i fully understand it. but i think...no i know. i'm falling for him.' "

aaron didn't respond, he got up and went to his office, shutting the door behind him. you weren't sure what it meant. and you didn't see him for the rest of the day.

you couldn't sleep that night; your mind was doing circles in anticipation of the group's arrival tomorrow.

you got up with the intention of solely getting a glass of water, but then heard a loud noise come from the direction aaron's office.

wanting to make sure he was okay, you walked in without notice. the door was already halfway open, so you figured it was alright.

the room was bigger than your childhood home's living room; it was filled with different seats of furniture, books, shelf, etc. aaron was at his large desk - his shirt discarded and only wearing slacks and socks.

aaron's brushes you off, telling you to go to bed, but your focus is on a small jar in his hands. you ask what it is, but he avoids answering, so you grab the object yourself. he attempts to get it from you, but you move away - deja vu to when aaron wouldn't return your journal to you. it felt nice to be on the flip side of it for once.

you read the label and understood it was a medicine. then it clicked; it was for his scars. and he was embarrassed about it. it was kind of cute.

he confirms it's for his back, so you nicely offer to do it for him since he seemed to have trouble reaching it. he was obviously self-conscious no matter how much he denied it, and you told him it didn't matter; you'd already seen them. but he kept turning his back away from you. you were getting suspicious that the scars were only part of the reason he was hiding.

you got annoyed and impulsively used your power to keep him sat and finally make his back face you. you could apologize later.

then you saw it. yes, his scars were still there, but on top of that were your wonky star doodles. the ones you drew in his cells two weeks ago in his cell at omega point.

you were confused about how they were still there, darker than you remember. the pen you used was lousy; you would know since you used it to write and the ink always smudged. the pen ink was also blue, and this was black. the skin around it was also freshly red.

"wait.. is this tattooed?"

his silence confirmed it. you were speechless. he tattooed your silly little doodles. he needed the medicine to numb the pain of the ink.

"why would you do this?"

"figured it your mark was better than the ones my dad left me."

"aaron."

"it was the first time i looked at my back and smiled."

you think your heart burst on the spot.

"god, i would've made them better if i knew you were gonna mark it."

"they're perfect." god, you were ready to melt.

you compose yourself and insist you put on the medicine since it was your tattoo design that's causing him slight pain. he didn't protest this time. you applied it in silence, then worked up the courage to ask about his scars.

aaron was very hesitant, you were ready to be shut down, but then he opened up to you. his scars being a 'birthday gift' from his father. it was heartbreaking to hear and almost brought tears to your eyes, but you knew pity was the last thing he wanted.

"when you saw them back in my cell, i waited to see that look of repulse on your face, but it never came. you observed them so carefully like they were the most interesting thing to you. then you had the gall to say it was similar to abstract art."

"well, it's true. they're not ugly, and you're certainly not repulsive. the scars are like a show of strength for everything you've been through. they're yours; only you decide what they represent. anyone who thinks differently is a total loser."

"please, stop."

"i'm sorry, did i say something wr-"

"i love you. so much that the first thing i did when returning here after escaping omega point was getting delalieu to tattoo my skin because your marks faded. i didn't even let myself wash off in fear they'd disappear before i got a chance to preserve them. i couldn't wipe the smile off my face whenever i looked at it through a mirror. it always reminded me of you. our moments. our last kiss. i burn for you greatly, and you don't even realize it."

"aaron..."

"don't."

"you know how i feel. but i'm still figuring it out, this is all new to me, and i want to get to know you better-"

"please. just go." and you did.

the following day, right on schedule, aaron goes to pick up the group while you stay behind waiting in the training facility that he briefly gave you a tour of.

the group arrived, and you happily greeted them as they looked around the place in awe. aaron began to go over rules and boundaries for the group. after the previous night, you were unsure about where you stood with warner, so you decided to give him some space and stand with the rest of the group. as he spoke, he threw not-so subtle glances your way, making you confused about whether he was upset with you or not.

aaron ventured off, everyone was setting up their items, and you separated with kenji and juliette. they book had look more distressed upon their arrival. apparently, juliette took one last chance to try and convince adam to come along, he didn't budge, saying he had to protect james and encouraged juliette to stay as well. it resulted in an argument; eventually, he respected her decision to fight - but it would mean the end for them. you comforted your sister through her heartbreak, adam had been a big part of her life, even a bit of yours. so to say goodbye must've been hard for her.

kenji also tried to persuade adam, but it escalated, and the two started throwing harsh words at each other. you knew adam was his friends, whether they both acknowledged it or not, and after omega point, you were sure kenji didn't want to lose anyone else. leaving james behind made it worse.

the direction of conversation then turned to you, and you were originally going to deny any conflict, but kenji and juliette picked up on the tension between you and aaron.

juliette starts, "so, what happened with warner?"

"don't know what you mean."

kenji and juliette give each other a mutual glance, " we aren't blind; the guy kept looking at you as if you'd killed his puppy. like seriously, there could've been a rain cloud over him with how much he was sulking."

you opened up to the happenings of last night, leaving out too personal information about warner, and how you weren't sure what to do now. kenji lost his mind at the bit about the tattoo, this new side of warner still weirding him out.

"i thought you were into him?"

"i mean, i am. it's just all so confusing. i'm not trying to string him along, i just want to truly know him before i could want more with him. it feels like he knows every single thing about me, while i'm barely starting to paint a picture. or maybe he only thinks he loves me or he's only interested in me because of my gift."

"dude, everything he has done for us so far is all because of you. what kind of guy tattoo's a stupid drawing someone drew on their back? and i swear he gets cartoon heart eyes when he looks at you too long. i know i called you naive for believing it, but that was before i saw first hand how intimate his feelings are for you."

"he's right, y/n. think about if he only cared about your gift, he would've been treating us the same, after all, he brought both of us in. sure, he acts decent towards me, but i'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact we're sisters. you don't play nice with someone's family unless you really like them."

you were silent as you absorbed both their perspectives.

kenji sighs, "damn, i need a love life."

"interested in someone else."

"technically single, but i'd choose the asylum over you."

"i'm starting to miss when you both were meek and quiet."

after that friendly therapy session, you regained your focus on the important task, formulating a plan to overtake anderson. you had a few ideas, some you talked about with aaron, but a seventeen-year-old girl can only do so much on her own, so that's why you bring in your sister, who is also seventeen. as the two of you went through essentially the same trauma, she had as much right to be a big part of this as you.

aaron came back hours later, and everyone gathered around and took a seat somewhere. to your surprise, aaron sat down right the to you. the tension is so much worse side by side. knowing aaron could read what you felt didn't make it better.

you began to illustrate the details of the plan, juliette helping fill in and explain points. the goal is to get anderson to sector 45; to do that, you had to take over sector 45. getting people and soldiers to rebel was going to be the trickiest part, and much of the group wasn't on board that it could work.

"we're going to have to show them our strengths, i'll help them see our strength." you explain.

"and if they shoot us?" ian counters..

juliette shrugs, "then don't do it, i'm sure my sister and i are capable of being amazing by ourselves."

"real humble , j."

brendan speaks up, "so, we've got somewhat of a synopsis of juliette's gift, but, no offense y/n, what is it you can do besides read minds?"

it was true; almost everyone wasn't aware of other capabilities you possessed. you didn't like to divulge your gift much back at omega point, kenji, juliette, and castle knowing the most. unlike juliette, who had many different events where she showed her amazing strength, and you were sure they saw more when she practiced at adam's house while you were separated.

you briefly revealed more about your powers, mind-reading, telekinesis, and your ongoing training in telepathic defense. you admitted to losing control a few times as well. the group looked more amazed as you went on.

"prove it."

"yeah, c'mon dude, show us."

everyone else started egging you on to make a show of your powers; you even saw aaron look interested in wanting to see it. you gave in, and asked aaron for permission to throw some objects around, he nodded.

you started levitating different objects and throwing a few around. kenji started begging for you to lift him, so you did - then winston and brendan kept begging to go next. you showcased a small shield of energy you were able to produce. lastly, they wanted to see your telepathic projection, but you explained it would involve harming one of them, so you shut it down.

"so like, you can do all that too right? since you can steal powers?" winston questions warner.

"yes, if i wanted to i could take hers, or any of your powers and use it."

you cough into your hand, "no one's better than the original, though."

"so the two of you together can basically can..."

"take over the world?"

"...was going to say kick serious ass, but you're not wrong."

warner doesn't respond, but you can see him holding back a smile.

the thought of warner taking powers was eerie to the group, but you reassured them of your faith and trust in aaron. then the conversation redirects to the plan. castle questions of what is supposed to happen if you do win, such as who is going to lead.

"i will." juliette pulls you by the arm next to her, "and y/n will help me."

the room falls silent. even warner is still. your head snaps to your sister, that was not a topic the two of you discussed. nor did you know it was up for discussion. you, of course, didn't express your surprise, you couldn't show doubt when this whole meeting relied on trust. juliette's speech on the new world motivated everyone to follow through with the battle plan, you silently supported it, but in your mind, you didn't think it was the best idea for you both to lead a whole country. you think juliette forgets just how young and inexperienced you both are.

but you were sure this was a problem that could be mended later, right?

aaron and you were alone in his room again, the silence so deafening, you mentally cringed. you attempted to start the conversation on his thoughts about the plan, but he began to brush you off. frustrated, you call him out on his recent behavior.

"why is it all or nothing with you? i didn't reject you- all i said was i want to know you better, i saw you in a bad light for a good while. i want to see the positive just as much."

"or maybe you're just expecting too much from me."

"why are you being so stubborn!"

"because you being disgusted with what you learn, would end me."

he walked out after, a common occurrence, it seemed, these past days.

you vented all your frustrations into training the next day. you told yourself you wouldn't focus on warner, no matter how good he looked in sweatpants, and instead use your pent-up energy to master your powers.

it paid off well; you got closer to creating a shield. but maybe a little too well, since you accidentally launched kenji across the room with your energy force. he got you back off, turning invisible and tripping you. juliette concentrated on moving her dumbbell with the force of will, but she struggled. reminded you a lot of your training at omega point. you offered her tips on what worked for you, and kenji coached.

at some point, you went to the back to drink from your water bottle, unintentionally near where warner was bench pressing. then suddenly you heard someone yell 'get down'. it all happened in a flash, you turned around a bit late, and the rock wall behind you came crumbling down at you. you quickly attempted to lift your hands, levitate most of the impact and braced yourself. suddenly, instead of your body colliding with dozen of sharp rocks, you were surrounded in bubbles. you turned the rumble into fucking bubbles.

you stood mouth wide open in shock for a minute, the people around you just as amazed. aaron was the first to run to you, asking if you were alright, and you nodded, still a bit shocked. he expressed his astoundment at your newfound skill.

juliette then came up to you and profusely apologized, and you assured her you were okay and accidents happen.

"i can't count how many times i almost knocked out castle with things during my training. you'll get the hang of it. plus, i'm sure aaron had trouble learning to control power too."

"oh, no. though i've always been very good at everything i do."

you smack his chest, "you are seriously no help."

you continue to train very hard for the rest of the week, your muscle will likely permanently ache in pain.

you and aaron hadn't gotten much better, you really did try to reach out so many times, but if he wasn't going to cooperate, why waste energy.

he made a habit of intentionally putting his focus on things around the base and working late, so he wouldn't see you until you were already asleep.

if things ended badly between you two, i'd be because of his own stupidity, not for your lack of trying nor the judgment of his character.

other than that, all was well. until kenjii decided to casually drop a bomb that adam and james were coming to the base. juliette started freaking out, and you weren't sure where you and adam stood, but you were excited to see james again.

adam arrived, and tensions between the ex-couple were high. they both were cordial but weren't sure how to act around one another. adam went up and apologized to you for his treatment, and you accepted it because he was once your friend, and you hated grudges. james excitedly greeted you, and you gave him a small tour.

then aaron showed up, ignoring adam, but he and james went back in forth in exchanges. it was very entertaining to watch, and aaron pointed out your enjoyment.

"why do you call her amor?"

"it means love in spanish."

"so, do you love her?"

"why, do you?"

"n-no! she's really pretty- i mean, i like her...no, ugh, she's like a million years older than me!"

"hey! i'm not prehistoric!"

you cut the exchange short, grabbing james on the shoulders and dragging him away, "how about we go back t kenji while i explain to you age numbers..."

you and juliette got upgrades in suits. yours similar to your former, but with minor changes. your color was now a darker red with accents of black, your coat was now high to low with slides for the sides of your legs to show, new knee-high combat coots, and new long fingerless gloves. yours and juliette's new material was made to accommodate your powers.

for training, you watched juliette and kenji go back in forth in combat - kenji mostly won due to technique, but juliette overpowered him a few times.

aaron came up to you, and insisted the two of you train in combat together. you rejected his offer; combat was not your forte, you were repeatedly told by kenji many times. so you just stuck to using your powers. but aaron wouldn't back off.

"it's important to learn combat, amor."

"if i run into a bad guy i'll just fling him away."

"and when you can't use your powers, what happens?"

you were going to argue that wouldn't happen, but knew it wouldn't suffice for him, so you just gave in, so he would shut up.

it was no shocker that he easily blocked your punches and stopped any attack. he even had the audacity to be amused at how badly you were doing.

"wow, you are quite terrible."

"okay, i get it i suck. can i go back to my training?"

"c'mon, amor, don't give up so easily. punch me."

as much as you were annoyed, you didn't want to physically hurt him. aaron laughed when you told him that. that itself, ticked you off. and it did not help that now you had an audience invested in the interaction.

you still didn't relent, aaron was a bit disappointed, but he focused on fixing your form.

you don't know if it was the fact aaron laughed, his constant comments, or all your pent-up frustration, but something came over you. while aaron was distracted with giving walking you through hitting an opponent, you hit him - hard. you might've used some of your powers to make the hit stronger, but he didn't need to know that.

aaron staggered back, shockingly caught off guard. you honestly expected him to block it like your other ones; but no you managed to land a hit on his cheekbone area, hitting some of the side of his nose. your poor form made for your knuckles to hurt badly.

everyone stopped what they were doing; even you froze. kenji in the back, trying not to laugh. aaron then recovered, his land touching the side of his face. his face didn't show anger, pain, nor surprise - he was smiling in admiration.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry!"

"no, don't apologize, amor. i'm very content being the first to experience your strength firsthand."

you and aaron ended up cutting practice short and went to the infirmary. you helped treat the large bruise on his face you'd given him as a small apology, and he wrapped your sprained knuckles and partly chasted you for incorrect hand form. was he looking to get punched again?

the following day, aaron woke you up earlier than your normal routine. he mentioned an opportunity for you and juliette to finally get practice outside of the base, and you quickly agreed. you asked why so suddenly, and then he disclosed he was going to visit his mother. it was her birthday, he explained. he didn't say much after that and went over that kenji will keep you and juliette invisible after he leaves.

but you couldn't help your curiosity and asked a little about his mother. hearing the story of his ring broke your heart. the only gifts you got were when you and juliette exchanged homemade gifts for your shared birthday, but the story made you appreciate that tradition much more.

"i think it's good you still visit her."

"is it?"

"it is. knowing you have someone there is sometimes enough. whenever i remembered i had my sister with me, it made the asylum not completely terrible. and around you, i feel like i achieve anything."

juliette, kenji, and you, invisible, met with warner at his tank. you didn't even need to tell him of your presence before he helped you into the tank and got on the driver side to start it.

"how'd you..." you ask, confused.

"i can sense your presences. especially yours."

"woah, freaky. what's mine feel like? peanut better?" he got ignored.

you settled on the opposite window side, juliette next to you, and kenji next to aaron. kenji started shuffling around, uncomfortable.

"dude, y/n, switch seats with me."

"what why?"

"your boyfriend is touching my leg."

"you flatter yourself." aaron interjects.

"c'mon hurry up! i think he's about to knife me..."

"just switch with juliette. it's easier."

"no way, if i'm gonna move, i might as well get the window seat."

you roll your eyes (not that he can see), and the two of you begin a messy movement of bodies to switch seats. poor juliette, stuck in the middle, getting hit by an occasional limb.

"ow, you just hit me in the face-" juliette complains.

"sorry, i'm trying my best-"

"now you just hit me!" you exclaim.

"oh my god, let me just-"

"kenji!"

kenji was the first to get to his new seat, you were situated over both him and juliette. kenji, tired of your leg in his face, shoved you with brief warning. and in an attempt to stable yourself you put your hands out on aaron's lap, but one hand missed. and landed on his groin. aaron visibly flinched and put his lips together in a straight line to contain his painful expression.

you gasped and hastily moved your hands in a panic, then to make matters worse - you fell face first in his lap. you were so happy to be invisible at the moment.

aaron takes a sharp intake of air, and his knuckles turn white from how tight he grips the wheel. you scramble you sit correctly, accidentally putting a hand on his groin again before finally in the seat. the silence was deafening.

aaron promptly dropped you both off at an empty site and bid you goodbye. you gave him some last words for comfort that you noticed he appreciated. then he went off.

sometime later, it was time for the four of you to meet up again. the practice had been somewhat successful. there were many miscalculations with practicing and being invisible. the three of you kept stumbling into each other, having the wrong place meant, and arguing over who was right. but ignoring that, you did get some practice in there.

aaron, however, was unusually late. it worried you. kenji and juliette didn't think much of it. but since you knew his location, you sensed there was something wrong. you asked both of them to check on him to ensure he was already, and you three walked to the house. you avoided mentioning aaron's mother.

you asked juliette and kenji to wait outside as you went inside.knji begrudgingly agreed, ensuring he could keep the invisibility up inside, too. juliette bid you to be careful and return as soon as possible.

you saw a few different pictures of aaron with his mother as a child. you looked through different rooms until you found him. he was sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest, his frame trembling. his mother died; you put together. you quickly knelt down and gave him a hug that he accepted. you let him hold you tightly as he sobs sorrowfully. it was painful to witness, so you let him cry onto your shoulder for however long he needed.

an hour later you returned, kenji and juliette already in the tank, no invisibility. you didn't need for them to say anything to know they had questions, so you avoided their gaze. next to you, aaron held your hand the whole way back

his mother's death reminded you of his family, the unknown fact to him that he shares blood with adam and james. you wanted him to know, but truly, you didn't want any part of that mess. knowing was already knawing at you as it was. juliette disagreed; she thought adam needed to tell aaron.

you thought leaving aaron alone was the best decision. you even planned to spend the night where everyone else was. but as you were packing a bag, he stopped you. aaron grabs your arm and turns you to look at him.

"you're right. i am holding back. i was telling you how much you were in denial, but it was me who was holding back. you've always seen me in a light like no one has. i've never thought of myself as even a decent man until you came around. and it scares me. so much. i'm afraid of disappointing you, and you'll be disgusted with me, see the monster i see every day in the mirror. but if giving more of myself is all it takes to be yours, then it's done. you can learn every crevice of my soul if it means you'll stay with me."

you knew it then, "i love you." you are in love.

he grabs your face and kisses you in less than a second. the kiss being so loving and careful, he takes his time memorizing your lips. he lifts you in the air prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. from there, the kiss molds into passion and need. before you know it, you're both lying on the bed with him hovering over you.

aaron groans into your mouth, "say it again."

you softly giggle, "i love you."

"god, you have no idea what you just unleashed, amor."

your stomach is doing a million glips. your entire body is in frenzy. you're ready to have a heart attack there and then. it was only just the beginning as well.

"lift your hips for me, amor."

"c'mon, angel, don't get shy on me now."

"i'm afraid you're never getting rid of me now mi amor."

very long night.

you slept through most of the morning, only woken up by aaron laying kissing down your neck. then he started going lower down your body. any sleep you had was now gone.

"aaron.. what are you doing."

"nothing."

"liar."

"shhh.. you just lay there, i'm just going to enjoy my breakfast."

the man was insaitable; you were sure you weren't ever gonna get out of bed that day. but eventually, you did. had to dedicate half an hour to walking properly again.

you went to you rfinal fitting for suits, and the new look was incredible. juliette traded the purple for a new black suit - kenji not liking his color stolen.

"why am i the only one in color now?"

"so, you can get spotted and shot at first while the rest of us get away." kenji answers.

"you're the worst."

aaron walked up behind you and whispered in your ear, "how quickly can you take this off?"

you smack his chest and give a playful disapproving look.

"i mean, it definitely can stay on, too."

"aaron!"

the bliss of everything helped ease your nerves for the following day. you were sat in aaron's room going over the plan for the millionth time. aaron kept reassuring you you'd be perfect and worrying will do nothing but install fear.

"it's just... what if it backfires. what if no one listens or surrenders?"

"it wont and they will."

"you're right. i'll just tell them my scary boyfriend will come after them."

"for you? always." he kisses your cheek, "i like the sound of you saying boyfriend, but scary?"

"well, everyone besides me is pretty scared of you."

"and what about you, what do you think of me?"

"i think you're cute."

"cute? yeah, let me show you just how cute, i can be."

aaron can never take his off of you for too long.

the next day, you, juliette, and the others stood in front of sector 45. both the people and the soldiers gathered there, all of their eyes fixed on your group. it was like the world's largest show and tell.

aaron started it off with a speech, informing everyone of the truth and the fact you and juliette were alive and well. then your sister took over, and directly told the crowd the plan to destroy the reestablishment, you gave a few words of your own, but juliette did most of the talking much to your relief.

then the questions from the crowd starting, so it was time for the group to showcase their powers. finally it was down to juliette and you.

juliette climbed to a building s good hundred feet from the ground, then jumped off and landed - making the ground tremble and shatter beneath her.

"how the hell do i top that?" you whisper to yourself.

with a comforting look from aaron, and a deep breath, you stepped into the front. you looked for a fairly easy but impressive thing to lift and spotted a very tall tower. bingo.

using your ability, you began carefully levitating it above the ground. you closed your hand into a fist, and the tower began breaking into bits. people began to panic as the rubble started coming toward them, but suddenly, you transformed the pieces into butterflies flying around the people. everyone looking around in amazement.

you took the biggest deep breath once you were done. very happy your practice paid off, and you didn't accidentally end up killing a crowd.

the crowd cheered and roared. the presentation proved to be successful because they got on board with destroying the reestablishment. the soldiers surrendered and joined the rebellion.

back in the training room, everyone was overjoyed with the success of overtaking sector 45, but now came the hardest part. winning a war.

juliette ran straight to you, attacking you in a very strong hug. so strong you had to tell her to chill on the power a bit. she apologized and released you. the recent events were still reeling in your mind, not fully comprehended.

"oh my god, juliette what did we just do?"

"we just started a war my dearest sister."

and now you had to wait to face anderson in likely a day or two. he almost killed you last time. but you wouldn't let him get lucky again.

the group, minus aaron, sat in the training room discussing what was next. one talk to another led to the topic of anderson.

"i've never even met the guy. wonder what he's like?"

"he's handsome. it's actually insane how evil, but striking he is." you blurt out.

juliette agrees, but the group looks at you weirdly.

"dude, you just called your boyfriend's dad attractive."

"what? i don't mean it in a weird way."

"hey, at least you've got a backup option if the first anderson doesn't work out. "

you throw a pillow at kenji's head.

then the topic of anderson's name came about, and that's when the trouble began. adam answered his name was paris; but suddenly, aaron arrived in the room, overhearing the conversation.

aaron put him against the wall, interrogated him on how he knew, and adam not saying anything. you couldn't take it anymore, so you yelled out the truth.

"he's your bother!"

aaron didn't believe it. juliette kept pressuring adam until he finally confessed. everyone gave the two of them space to work things out as everyone else busied themselves. when all was on steady terms, aaron sat with you.

"you should've told me."

"i know, i'm sorry. but it really wasn't my secret to tell."

"i had a right to know."

"c'mon, if you had some sort of family secret of mine, would you tell me right away?"

he hesitates, "you're right. you didn't want to get involved, i understand that."

you tell yourself it didn't matter, but you couldn't help but ask, did he deliberately avoid answering. you brush it off, probably nothing.

you returned to aaron's room, you both talked about the brother situation more, and aaron mentioned spending more time with both kent's. you were happy to see he was content to learn about his new family and want to see them more.

"this is great. i'm happy when you're happy. it's deserve more close people in your life."

"but i have you, and that's enough."

"very sweet, but family relationships are different. i was fortunate to have a sister in my life. what if my mother hadn't had the both of us, juliette not being my sister? seems unimaginable.."

aaron goes rigid, being in his lap, you notice immediately, "you alright?"

he relaxes and nods, "this whole situation has me a bit disorientated. enough brother talk. let me remind you why our relationship has much better advantages than other ones.."

a full night of sleep was just a foreign concept at this point.

it took one day for anderson to come to the sector. you all had luckily kind of prepared for it, so there was a plan set that you all were to follow. kenji, juliette, and you were responsible for going to the ship to deal with anderson while the rest took care of the matter on land.

before separating, you said your farewell and good luck to aaron. you tried to cry when saying goodbye to james and promising all would be fine. lastly, you gave aaron a kiss, and you promised each other to be safe.

"i have no doubts that you will succeed. my father can't even fathom the power you possess."

as you three board the port, you notice the massive groups of soldiers. juliette has the idea of you pushing them into the water with your powers, which you do.

you each take turns getting onto the ship, 5-second gap each. however, once you get inside, you can't find neither juliette or kenji. still invisible, you take your chances going through different doors, trying not alert soldiers.

but it fails because bullets began shooting in your direction. you run as fast as you can; unlike juliette, you are not invincible neither was your suit, at least not entirely.

with your invisibility gone, you get cornered with at least 7 soldiers, armed. your instincts kick in, and you start throwing men and attacking them with your energy. one soldier begins shooting at you when you're caught off guard. you hold your hand out as a protection and close your eyes, but you see the bullet is stopped - by your shield. you hadn't even made an effort to create it yet, and it presented itself like it was an automatic presence.

after witnessing that, the guard abandoned the ship and ran off. you couldn't blame him; you doubt he got paid enough to deal with all this.

you attention is shifted when you heard loud crashes and screams. you recognize them as your friend and your sister. you rush toward the room where the sound was originating.

you see kenji on the ground in pain and juliette not too far off; she's crouched down, clutching her head, and struggling to stand. you spot anderson, with another man, who you recognize is causing juliette's pain with his sonic wave gift.

you focus your energy on the boy, focusing on hurting him. then he stops his pressure waves and starts howling in pain, crouching down like juliette had. you were in a trance, channeling all your energy into hurting the guy, then - you snapped his neck.

you ran to juliette first, helping her get up, then you checked on kenji who was in worse shape.

anderson drew his gun, and started shooting bullets at you both, but it simply just bounced off. you and juliette drew your own weapons; you looked at each other and knew what had to happen next.

you focus your energy on anderson, his legs then collapse under him. he starts scrambling on the ground. juliette steps on his hands - shattering his borns with her power.

"remember that lesson on justice getting served?"

you shoot him in the chest, and juliette aims for his head.

4 shots - one for adam, one for aaron, one for juliette, and one for you.

it was a blur after that. sara and sonya were found and attended to kenji who was luckily not in any fatal condition, he would be okay.

it felt like you were experiencing someone out-of-body, unreal. juliette went up to the speaker system, capable of speaking to the entirety of the sector. she announced the end of the reestablishment and its new leader.

he was dead. it was over.

still bloodied and bruised, you stood on the tallest tower of the compound. you hadn't talked to anyone; everyone too busy rejoicing. but you were still digesting everything that had just happened.

you look over the new land and wonder what could be in store next.

you're not surprised when juliette and aaron find you, they know you too well at this point. they don't say anything and each take a side next to you. aaron puts a hand around your waist and tugs you toward him.

"the entire rest of the world is coming after us now, you know."

"i'd love to see them try." juliette says confidently.

"i believe as long as our bonds remain strong, we can overcome anything." though. that wasn't how you really felt.

you didn't want to damper a glorious day. but you couldn't help the pit forming inside of your stomach, telling you this was only the beginning of a treacherous path.

but nothing come could destroy the bonds you forged, right?

@whatsupb18 @letspretendimnottrash @heart-an0n @mrsspector-grant @kikilarast10 @nina357 @lupinswolfsbanes (tysm for the support)

[youremyonlyhope]

Hallmark’s Sense and Sensibility

Yes. YES. All I've ever wanted was an adaptation of Sense and Sensibility where Mr. Dashwood is white, Mary Dashwood is Black (or another race), so that the sisters are mixed and it causes even more tension between their older white half-brother and his wife.

As a mixed girl, I’ve been begging for this version of the story to be told.

I can't believe Hallmark is the one to do it, but I am ready and excited to watch.

Hmm... is Fanny mixed... is internalized racism going to be an issue for her too? If so, I am here for that.

Edward is Fanny's stepbrother... I don't think that was the case in the book. But I infamously hate Edward so maybe I just didn't pay close enough attention to him. (It's a change)

BONNETS. They have bonnets! They have natural hair (probably wigs but still, natural textures), and bonnets. I am actually super happy about the costuming so far.

Ok I might like this Edward... We'll see. We're not at the part where he makes me mad. But right now... he's ok.

"Right kind of woman" ok girl. Sure.

I really liked that scene between Mrs. Dashwood and Elinor, while Margaret played the pianoforte.

Oh Col. Brandon. Already smitten. I do have one complaint though: Mrs. Dashwood is supposed to be about 40, to make it so Col. Brandon being 35 offputs Marianne even more that he's close to her mother's age. But this Mrs. Dashwood (who I really really like so far) is being played as much older than 40.

YES CURLING RAGS. And am I crazy but are some of Marianne's clothes kind of leaning to wards 1820s transitionary styles? I sorta love that if that's the case.

OK Willoughby... ok. You cute. I love this "Who are you?" thing we got going on.

That painting of a Black man in Georgian-ish clothing. Someone remind me to look it up. I love the framing of this shot with Brandon and Willoughby, and the painting between them.

God I adore Mrs. Jennings. In generally but I really like this one.

God, fuck Willoughby. I always forget how much I hate him.

"A daughter." No no no you're supposed to say "natural daughter." Come on.

Oh poor Willoughby, what a coincidence he's called to London, while Brandon's already in London, dealing with an issue involving his "natural daughter." Such unlucky timing...

I can't wait to see Steele sisters. I hope their hair is blonde, so there's no doubt that the hair Edward has is NOT Elinor's. God. This is what I wanted from a S&S adaptation.

OOH the Miss Steeles are Black too! Ok. Ok. Fanny you absolute hypocrite.

OH MY GOD. THE PAINTING OF DIDO ELIZABETH BELLE IS IN THE BACKGROUND. Oh my god. I literally just squeaked. No random family would have that painting hanging, especially with the cousin cut out only showing Dido but STILL. And adding the fact that I once found an Amazon listing for an Austen novel using the cousin Elizabeth as the portrait and cutting out Dido (and also that the portrait is from 50 years earlier) made me so mad. This little easter egg of including Dido's portrait in this movie is like HEALING that specific moment's pain for me. Oh my god.

This adaptation, is far too good. It's so much better than I thought it would be.

Ah yes, the constant talk of "beau"s from Anne.

YES THE LOOP ON THE TRAIN.

This Lucy is diabolical. I don't think I remember her being so... almost mean. Annoying yes, but mean? Hmm...

Love all these Black paintings. I wonder if Juan will show up, though that's a Spanish painting not English.

Miss Jennings has white servants. Love it.

I think they made Robert worse.

"And I always keep my promises." You tell him. I thought I was going crazy earlier, that a song sounded kind of pop-ish. But they're playing Kiss From a Rose right now on a string quartet, so they're going full Bridgerton with this. I didn't want to accuse it earlier, but now I must.

Ugh. Willoughby.

MRS. FERRARS IS BLACK. FANNY YOU SUCK. You're giving us light skinned mixed girls a bad name.

Edward didn't want to be in the same room as his main and his side chick. I forgot about the Mortons. He's got 3 girls. This is why I dislike him. And I really think this movie ended up playing up Robert Ferrars' personality in a way I'm not sure I liked, he was always charming but I don't think he was this rude.

Ok Marianne. You're not wrong. But I don't remember that. It's been over a year since I last read S&S, I really need to brush up on it I guess.

Wasn't Eliza married to Brandon's brother and then cast aside? I really need to brush up. However, god I'm reminded of how much I love Austen.

Well I enjoy this Edward's embarrassment a lot.

Ooh Fanny. I don't like Lucy but do not call her a peasant.

Ok fine, point to Edward. I will concede that this adaptation is doing a good job of making the watcher feel for Edward. I still dislike him the most of all Austen husbands.

This is truly a great Elinor.

They've been so careful with having everyone in gloves. And now Edward is thanking Elinor, taking her hand, and no one is in gloves. I see you costume department, I see you.

Yessss loose hair moment.

Oh my god, I always love Col Brandon when he says he won't rest until he brings Mrs. Dashwood and Margaret. Every single adaptation. It makes me so emotional.

Wow ok. This version is a very good Edward, a very good Elinor, a very good Marianne, a very good Brandon. Even a very good Willoughby. I can't believe they really made me actually want to forgive Edward. I usually still am salty towards him by the end. That alone makes this pretty amazing.

Costumes were fun. A little bit crazy but honestly sometimes Austen adaptations don't go crazy enough with the costumes. Minus some fit issues with the empire waists (same issues that Bridgerton is plagued by) and some weird closures in the backs of some dresses, it was really well done costume wise.

And I was surprised that race was not as much of an issue as wealth, though I still think that Fanny and Mrs. Ferrars had some colorism issues in there.

Really my only issue with the movie is that they didn't make clear how old Brandon was compared to Marianne. And I have some concerns about Robert's characterization. That's really all I can complain about though.

Dare I say... that Hallmark somehow created... my new favorite Sense and Sensibility adaptation...

[eunjikimstuff]

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[angstybleuskies]

10 Questions Tag Game Rules: Answer 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people however many people your heart desires to answer them. Tagged by @burninghoneyatdusk , thank you Sam!

My Questions 1. What’s a memory you wish that you could go back in time to and relive?

Last day of classes for winter semester junior year! I had a great time with my friends! Or the first time I read any book I love.

2. If you could talk to your 13 year old self, what would you tell her/advice would you give her?

Take a breath and focus on the happy things in your life!

3. What’s your favorite quote of all time? Why?

You do not yield. -Kingdom of Ash, SJ Maas. It's just so powerful, and something that resonated with me.

4. What is the quality you value most in a friend?

Loyalty and Kindness.

5. If the pandemic magically ended today, how would you spend tomorrow?

Hanging out with my best friends at a restaurant or someother public place!

6. If you could go back in time and live in any era & location, and face no danger, where would you choose?

I'd travel around the UK during the 20th century! I've studied it academically from a history perspective so it would be cool to actually be able to experience it!

7. What heroine of a movie, book, tv show, story, or history do you relate to most?

Ruby Daly or Juliette Ferrars.

8. Without saying who the person is, what is a question you wish you could ask someone but can’t?

Do you think I talk to too much?

9. In one sentence, what are you personally struggling with right now?

Work.

10. What’s a book/article/story that brought you joy/comfort/healing that you wish others would read?

So the way I deal with things is by reading because it gets me to focus on other things for a while, so I'll just reccommend my favorite book: Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare or The Percy Jackson and the Olympians series!

My questions for you! So I'm gonna go on brand for me and make them all about books since I constantly say books are 90% of my personality 1.What is your favorite book? 2.What is your favorite book quote? 3.What are you currently reading? 4.Do you like sci-fi or contemporary books? 5.Urban fantasy or contemporary? 6. Sci-fi or Fantasy? 7.Favorite female heroine? Favorite male hero? 8.Favorite page-to-screen adaptation? 9.Favorite Author? 10.What is your most anticipated upcoming release?

Tagging: @river-kom-spacekru @shaeheda @swainlake @talistheintrovert @mechaniicreyes @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @broashwhat @carrieeve @wankadi @hostagetakerandhistraitor @queen-of-the-wallflowers15 @nvermindiseeyou @junebugninja @changingthefairy-tale @historyofbellarke @thebraveprincesspure @ladyazula @catrcs @queenemori @sallysimpsons @biconicclarkeyg

Sorry if i forgot anyone! Let me know if you want to be added/taken off my tag list!!

[beatrice-otter]

Fic: Realization and Renewal, Sense and Sensibility, Elinor/Colonel Brandon

The second fic I wrote for Yuletide was a treat for ChronicBookworm. It was a Sense and Sensibility AU which paired Elinor and Colonel Brandon, and one of their prompts was Elinor/Brandon/Edward OT3 which was a really interesting idea but I couldn't think how to include it without making the fic really really really long, and so I gave up and just did Elinor/Brandon. (Even though the idea of an OT3 was really interesting.) Title: Realization and Renewal Fandom: Sense and Sensibility Author: beatrice_otter  Written for: chronicbookworm  for yuletide  2019 Rating: General Audiences Pairing: Elinor Dashwood/Colonel Brandon Betaed by: Aurilly Length: 3535 words Warnings: none Summary: As Marianne recovers, Elinor and Colonel Brandon find themselves drawn to one another. AN: I tried to make it OT3, because you are right, Edward/Elinor/Brandon would be a delightful pairing, but it would have had to be MUCH too long a fic to be done in time to be a Yuletide treat. I hope someone else takes the idea and runs with it. At AO3.  On Dreamwidth. On Pillowfort.

With their mother now at Cleveland and available to nurse Marianne back to health, Elinor's presence was not in so much demand. And though her sisterly feelings and desire to be useful were no less than they had heretofore been, still she was glad in the respite of turning the primary duty of care over to her mother.

Finding herself tired after the tumultuous few days, Mrs. Jennings' speculation was more wearying than usual, and so Elinor spent her free time largely out-of-doors, enjoying the spring sunshine. It was there that she came across Colonel Brandon four days later, sunning himself on a bench in the shrubbery.

"Miss Dashwood," he said, rising courteously as she came in to view. They exchanged pleasantries and he invited her to join him, which offer she accepted with content. Although reserved, Elinor was not a solitary person by nature, and the Colonel's company was always agreeable.

"Your sister looked very well," Brandon said. "Or at least, she looked as if she will soon be very well, which is almost as good."

"Yes, we are all very cheered by her progress," Elinor said, "and I know that our mother's presence is a great comfort to her."

"Your mother is a good woman with a warm and generous heart," Brandon said. "You are very lucky to have such a mother."

"Yes," Elinor said. "We were fortunate in both our parents. Our father was of a different temperament, but just as kind and loving. Not all are so fortunate." With a pang, she considered what Edward's life must have been, with such a mother and such siblings as he had had. Little though Elinor cared for Lucy Steele, she must at least admit that Lucy was kinder and warmer than Edward's own blood. Last she had seen of them, Lucy had been doing much to ingratiate herself into her future relations' good graces. Though Elinor still believed that when the Ferrars family learnt of Edward's engagement the charms of the Miss Steeles would drop considerably in their estimation, it was possible that Lucy's brazen flattery would do much to heal the breach; and in that, at least, if no other way, Lucy would be a more capable wife for Edward than Elinor would have been.

"I confess that although I have spent time in your mother's company, I had never given enough thought to her to realize how much she is like an older version of Eliza," Brandon went on. "In my mind, she is always the young girl I knew as a boy, or the broken woman I found on my return. But on the way from Barton Cottage to Cleveland, I found myself thinking that in your mother I could see what Eliza would have been like in such a situation, had her life been happier. Had she lived to become a mature woman of strength and grace."

"I hope the realization gave you some comfort," Elinor said in some confusion. Did that mean he found her mother attractive? Considered objectively, Mrs. Dashwood was still a handsome woman, and closer to Colonel Brandon's age than her daughters were, but Elinor had never considered that her mother might be an object of attraction to anyone but her father. He could not seriously consider anything, Elinor reassured herself, for he had no heir and her mother was surely past childbearing.

"I do not know that it was a comfort, precisely," Colonel Brandon said, "but it did give me a new perspective on … several things. If there is one thing I have learned in the past few weeks, it is how my thoughts and perspectives have been largely trapped in the past, like an insect in amber."

"How so?" Elinor asked.

"You have no doubt noted the similarities—and the differences—between Marianne's experiences and those of my poor dear Eliza. Marianne is not ruined and Marianne will not die, but …"

"The outlines of the situations are very much alike," Elinor said. "Like silhouettes made of sisters. In full light they may not look very much alike, but in relief the profiles are strikingly similar."

"Yes, exactly," Brandon said, nodding. "A perfect metaphor, thank you. When I met Marianne, and as her relationship with Willoughby progressed and reached its unhappy end, all I could see was how like Eliza she was. It was as if I was seventeen myself again, watching the whole tragedy unfold for the first time. But I am not that boy any longer, and Marianne is not Eliza, and it gives me no credit, nor Eliza any honor, to pretend otherwise. As for Marianne, she should be valued for who she is, not as a reflection of someone I once loved deeply."

"I think you always saw Marianne for who she is, even as you saw the similarities to Eliza," Elinor said.

"I am not sure but what you give me too much credit," Brandon said with a sigh. He shook his head. "Still, that is my own lesson in all of this, and you have had the greater burden, as Marianne's sister and confidant through all of this, and as her nurse. I should not be so selfish as to burden you with my own concerns."

"It can be a relief and a distraction, to consider another's cares, when one has many of one's own," Elinor said.

"True," Brandon replied, "yet surely the greater relief is in sharing one's own cares, so that the burden may also be shared? You love your sisters deeply, and your mother, but given the differences in temperament between you I cannot imagine you wish to bear all the secrets of your heart to them, even if Marianne were not so consumed with her own tragedy of late."

"In that you are quite correct," Elinor said. "Marianne would never tell a secret I wished her to keep in confidence, but I learned long ago that she is seldom able to govern her emotions enough to prevent her countenance and actions from betraying it anyway. And if my feelings—or my expression of them—do not match what she thinks I should feel, she will either declare me heartless or assume me to be lying because of propriety." She sighed. "I should not say such things, because I make her sound quite selfish and heartless, and she is neither. Please do not repeat my complaints."

"It is only that she is young and cannot quite understand that not everyone is the same as she is," Brandon said. "Many young people are like that, and most learn better as they grow. But have no fear, I will not share your secrets. I have kept worse ones."

"Thank you," Elinor said. She wondered what had come over her; it was true, she liked and trusted the Colonel as she did few others, but she was not in the habit of giving such confidences to anyone.

"Have you ever had a true confidant?" Brandon asked. "Someone you could trust with your deepest thoughts and feelings? A friend in your old neighborhood, perhaps?"

"No," Elinor said. "I had friends, of course, but … none that I was terribly close to." Elinor had never been lonely, but she was the one others took their secrets to, not the reverse. She had shared with Edward thoughts and feelings which she had shared with few others; yet there had still been a reserve of propriety between them.

"I am trying to think of men I know who might have sisters or wives or daughters with whom you might form a connection," Brandon said, "but unfortunately, my circle of acquaintances is small now, and you already know most of them. If there was a bosom companion for you in that set, you would already have found them."

"Thank you for your consideration," Elinor said, touched. "But I am not lonely."

"It is possible to feel alone in a crowded room, if no one in it truly knows you," Brandon said. "I would spare you that, if I could."

Elinor could not speak, for she had never known that others could understand that sentiment. No dramatics, just a quiet loneliness that no one else could see. She touched his arm, a tangible example of the connection she felt with him in that moment. "Thank you," she said again.

They sat quietly together for some time. No further words passed between them, but none were necessary, for they were in perfect harmony.

Elinor found herself strangely reluctant to leave Cleveland, after all her yearning these last months to be back home in Barton Cottage. She and Colonel Brandon had spoken many times throughout Marianne's recovery, and though on no occasion was their conversation as deep as it had been that day in the shrubbery, still there was a closeness between them now that Elinor had only but rarely experienced in her life. And however often he visited them at Barton Cottage or saw them at Barton Park, they could not see one another as often as while they resided in the same house. And a greater proportion of their time would, of necessity, be spent within earshot of other people.

Upon realizing the source of her reluctance, Elinor felt quite shocked; for so great a desire for a man's company could only be the symptom of an attachment, and she had not been conscious of forming one.

The long ride from Cleveland to Barton provided ample time for self-examination, for Marianne was too tired to speak and their mother was mostly occupied in caring for her.

Her first thought, that she had finally learned to stop caring for Edward, was not true; her thoughts of him were tinged with as great an affection as they had been when she arrived at Cleveland, and the pain of his being engaged to another woman (but especially one unworthy of him) had not lessened. She still loved him, yearned for him.

Yet Colonel Brandon had, without her knowing it, become as dear to her as ever Edward had been; and although he had never indicated an interest in her beyond that of friendship, she found herself considering with interest the idea that he might. She hesitated to call so new an attachment 'love,' yet knew not any better word for it.

For one wild moment she thought that she would gladly have married both, if she could, and resented that she had to choose. But, no, she did not have the right of choosing; Edward was promised to another, and Brandon might think of her as nothing more than a friend.

Had she been alone she would have buried her face in her hands at this thought, and perhaps laughed at herself—or cried—but any such reaction would surely have drawn the attention of her mother and sisters, and they would not be satisfied without an answer, and their reaction she did not wish even to imagine.

Such a wild desire was more Marianne's style than her own, and Elinor's normal equilibrium soon reasserted itself.

It occurred to her, once at home, that while she had grown out of the habit of confiding in Marianne, her newly-realized affection for the Colonel was one thing she could share, and although impressing on Marianne her change in feelings might be difficult, it would at least prevent her sister from further dwelling on Edward's love for her. Their mother could not be told while she held such a firm belief in Brandon's love for Marianne, but if Elinor could get Marianne on her side, things would be much easier.

It was a difficult conversation, though, for Marianne still believed that a woman could only ever truly have one great passionate love, and that any second relationship must only be for material considerations.

"You must not give up hope," said she. "Edward loves you, I know he does, and he will come and ask you to marry him soon. You are still young, and we are comfortable enough here at Barton Cottage. You do not need to settle for—"

"I am not settling!" cried Elinor in some exasperation. She had known that Marianne would take some time to adjust her opinions, for she always did, and had planned on being as calm and even-tempered as always, but the strain of the secrets she had been keeping for so long had taken its toll, and now that she finally had something of importance that she could share with her sister, what she wished more than anything was to have Marianne return even a fraction of the understanding and support Elinor had given her since Willoughby's loss.

But though Marianne might respect a passionate declaration of love such as she herself might make, that was not Elinor's manner, and besides, in her present mood she might be led to say things more hurtful than she meant. Elinor thought back to Brandon's words in the shrubbery at Cleveland. "I wish," Elinor said, with an iron grip on her composure, "that you would learn that I am not you, and that my thoughts and feelings are different than yours."

"Elinor, of course I understand that we are different!" Marianne said.

"Then why do you dismiss every word of mine that does not fit with what you think I should be feeling?" Elinor said. "When I first came to care for Mister Ferrars, you scoffed. Then you became so great a partisan of our affections that when I did not wish to think of it any longer, you would not listen, to my very great mortification on more than one instance. Now I have a new attachment, but you would rather build castles in the air for me and Mister Ferrars than listen. At no time have you ever respected or cared for my actual feelings. I am sorry to be so severe." There was something she had long wished to say, and it had come out far more critically than she had wished. But she could not take the words back, and found that she did not wish to.

"No," Marianne said. Her voice was even but she had gone pale with shock. "If that was how you truly feel, I am glad you said it. I am sorry to have been such a poor sister."

"Marianne, no," Elinor said. "I dearly love you, and I know you love me—"

"It's only that you don't think I respect or know you," Marianne said.

"I would not say that," Elinor said.

"No, for you are far too kind and gentle to say such things even when it is the truth," Marianne said. "But can you truly deny that you feel it?"

Elinor could not.

Marianne nodded at her silence. "So," she said. "You have formed an attachment to Colonel Brandon. When did you first know?"

"When I regretted leaving Cleveland, because it meant leaving him," Elinor said.

It was by no means as passionate a declaration as Marianne was hoping for, but it was enough for her to imagine a more ardent feeling than Elinor was willing to share with her.

Colonel Brandon did indeed visit them at Barton Cottage soon thereafter, and Marianne proved a great ally in dis-arranging their mother's plans. Elinor could wish that she would be more discreet, but then she would not have been Marianne.

"May I enquire as to what that was all about?" Brandon asked, after a debate on the afternoon's entertainment started a battle of wills between Marianne and Mrs. Dashwood that led to Marianne and Margaret and their mother playing a game of croquet while Brandon and Elinor sat together on the other side of the lawn.

"Our mother believes that your journey to retrieve her when Marianne was sick is indicative of a deep affection on your part, and wishes to encourage such a match," Elinor said.

"And Marianne does not?" Brandon said.

"Oh!" Elinor said, embarrassed that she had implied what she did not mean to. "I do not know what Marianne's current feelings on the subject may be, but … I have missed our conversations, and Marianne knows this."

"She is a very affectionate sister," Brandon said.

"She is." Did that mean he did love her, still? Elinor wondered.

"I have missed our conversations, too," Brandon said.

Elinor smiled at him.

Colonel Brandon came to visit Barton Park so often that summer that he might almost have been living there. On more than one occasion, Elinor had cause to be thankful for her sister's wild and captivating ways, for with the eyes of all fixed on the beautiful Miss Marianne, there were few to notice when her quiet elder sister and the somber colonel sat on the sidelines and talked quietly. Mrs. Jennings could not be prevented from noticing and speculating on how often they kept company with one another, but Mrs. Jennings was always speculating about somebody or other, and Elinor and Colonel Brandon were not unduly troubled by it.

As always, Barton Park was a hub of entertainments and delights, for both Sir John and his mother-in-law delighted in company and good humor, and Mrs. Jennings in particular was fond of matchmaking.

"Marianne seems to like this one," Brandon said as they watched a rowdy game of cricket on the lawn. Marianne was not flirting with the young man in question as she had with Willoughby, but neither was she avoiding him as rudely as she had the first few young men Mrs. Jennings had dangled in front of her.

"I do not know if there is any particular fondness for him," Eleanor said, "but he plays well and she is fond of cricket. Still, we have not yet heard his opinion of any poet or composer, and those are far more important to Marianne than his skill with a bat."

"Your sister will excuse many things of a man who can read with skill and passion," Brandon said. "Though in this case, I have heard nothing against the young man."

"I think it will take more, now, for her to form an attachment than just similar tastes," Eleanor said, "for she learnt from Willoughby that it is not proof of a similar character. That said, however, I think taste will always be an important factor."

"And what of you?" Brandon asked.

"What did I learn from the last year's excitement?" Eleanor pondered the question. "I have had no great revelation or comeuppance like the heroine of a novel," she said at last. "My beliefs have been confirmed, that a good and honorable character is more important than any other factor. It is not that nothing else matters, only that it is the foundation upon which all else rests."

"I concede the point," Brandon said with a laugh, "although my question was not meant to be quite so profound. I was merely asking if there was a young gentleman on the playing field who had caught your attention."

"No," Eleanor said, for she had been looking for an opportunity to hint of her affections, "not a gentleman on the playing field." She caught his eye and held it.

Brandon blinked, and then a smile crept over his face. "Ah," was all he said.

When they turned their attention back to the game, they were sitting closer to one another than they had been before.

It was rapidly apparent that there was a growing attachment between Colonel Brandon and the eldest Miss Dashwood, which was followed soon thereafter by a marriage. Mrs. Dashwood learned to support the match, for her greatest desire was to see her daughters happy, and it was evident to all that Elinor was very happy. Mrs. Jennings and Sir John took great pride in their role in arranging it, and said so often and with great enthusiasm to any who would listen. Marianne's heart healed from Willoughby's treatment of her, and she had a number of less imprudent flirtations with the young men of the area, before finally accepting a man who was rather less exciting than Willoughby had been, but far more trustworthy.

Lucy Steele did her best to win over the affections of the Ferrars family, but though they all (except Edward) appreciated her flattery, their scheme of marrying Edward to one rich heiress or another (after Miss Morton's marriage to another man) never wavered, and even the most delicate hinting of an affection between Lucy and Edward met with such immediate disapproval that Lucy never dared broach the subject. At last, tired of waiting for either Mrs. Ferrars' approval or her death, Lucy broke her engagement to Edward to marry a gentleman of the Ferrars' acquaintance who had less money than Edward, but whose fortune was under his own control.

Edward eventually married a woman of less fortune than his relations hoped for, but who had enough wealth and connections to be acceptable to them. She was a woman of good sense and character, and they were well suited to one another.

Mr. and Mrs. Brandon were so naturally well-suited to one another in temperament and taste that their marriage was often held up by all who knew them as a model of domestic harmony and felicity.

[treehousepublishing]

Multiply Me | Chapter 24

Synopsis: Ella Sommers decides her biggest mission is also her last. Despite wanting to correct the Reestablishment’s mistakes, there are bigger things at stake now. Things not even her friends can know about.

A/N: I hardly ever interact in this blog. My real writing blog is @beanenigma. Thanks!

AO3 link | First Chapter | Index

ELLA

We don’t stop as the sun rises behind us. Connor wakes up at the first rays of light - just like he did when he was a baby. His eyes flicker awake and he looks out to the fields, immediately trying to understand where he is. He sees me and relaxes.

“Mom”, he whispers, pulling his legs up to the seat that was too big for him. I try my best to smile.

“Hey, baby.” I touch his knee slightly and try not to be sad about the way he tenses up again. I pull my hand back. “Did you sleep well?”

“I guess…” He rubs his belly, shifting on the seat. “Are we there yet? I’m hungry.”

“Just a little left, Con.” I put both my hands on the wheel, trying to stop the instinct of running my fingers through his hair. I hadn’t realized how accustomed I was to touch them until I couldn’t. “Do you want to talk about what I’ve told you yesterday?”

Connor is silent for a couple of minutes, which is unlike him. I keep starting at the road, giving him the time he needs. I start to think he went back to sleep, but when I look at him, he’s wide awake.

“Yes. I want to talk about it.”

He says, in a decided voice I hardly ever hear. I nod.

It’s hard to think about what to say. If you’re worried about me hurting you then you’re absolutely right you should be scared of me you should keep yourself far away as much as it pains me I normally can hold myself but there can come a day where I can’t and if I ever hurt you my world would go up in flames and there would be nothing else

“Mom? Did you hear me?”

I shake my head, trying to clear my mind from these intrusive thoughts. I look ahead, struggling to keep my eyes on the road.

“Hm? Sorry, baby, I think got distracted for a second”

“I asked about these people. Your parents. And dad’s parents. What are they to me?”.

Nothing, I wanna say. They mean nothing, my sweet Connor, and you never have to waste a second of your life thinking about them, not like I have, this was never the life I dreamed for you.

“They were your grandparents”, I say begrudgingly.

“What happened to them?”, he asked, almost immediately.

“They died”.

“Did they die or did you kill them?”

I’m shocked at how coldly he says it. He’s staring at the road, his hands holding tightly to each other. I take a deep breath, shifting my hands at the wheel. Suddenly every position seems the most uncomfortable one I could possibly be.

“Does it matter?”

“It matters.”

I sigh.

“We killed them. Your dad killed his dad. And I killed both my parents.” I make a turn and the sound of the road’s dirt lifting up covers up my swallowing hard. When the sound dimmers, I hear Connor whisper.

“Why?”

“Because of what I told you. They had to be stopped. They made things… To me, to your father, to other people… That were unforgivable. They wouldn’t stop any other way. And we had to make sure they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.”

“But why? Why you?” He made small firsts, thumping on his own thighs. “You guys are farmers, how can you kill people?!”

I can’t help but remember what Kenji told me. That dirty liar. About my kids understanding, about them accepting me the way I was. I should have never let him stay, let him get in my head. But now it was done and I had to find a way to control the situation before I lost another one of my kids.

“There will be times in your life, Connor, that you’ll find yourself in a position you never wanted to be in, but that no one else could take your place.” I say, my voice growing louder, hoping I could let him know everything I wish I could spin it into words. Maybe if I had pen and paper, maybe if I had time. But my tongue twisted on itself and it was so hard to communicate anything at all. “And I hope you never ever have to do the choices I had to. I did all of this so there would be better a world for children like you and your sister. So that no one would have to grow up locked in a room or getting tortured or beaten or having no food.”

When I snap out of it, I can feel Connor’s eyes on me. They grew larger, but they never budge. He looks at his own hands, opening and closing his hands. He’s quiet for a while and I focus on the way, trying not to look at him, afraid of what I would find in his eyes.

“What about me?”

“What about you, sweetie?”

He opens and closes his little hands again.

“Was I… Was I made like you were? And Pyp? Because I have powers like you guys have… Do I have to hurt people too? Is that why Pyp left? Was she scared?”

I slowly decrease the Humvee’s speed until we stop at the side of the road. I look at my son. My expression is grave, as much as I want it to warm up, to show him it’s okay. My heart is breaking, but I somehow manage not to shake as I wait for him to look at me. He lifts his green eyes, curious. His hands are on top of his lap, fiddling nervously.

“Connor Sommers-Warner.” I say, I as hardly ever do. In our small world, in our house, there was hardly any need for calling for him his full name. Out here everything was different. I knew exactly who he is, that doesn’t mean he does.

I remember the baby he was and the feeling of holding his warm body against my chest. I remember his hurried breath, his small hands and fingernails, the smell of his hair. I remember all of the promises I made to him even before he was born, even when he was just an idea, hardly as big as an orange. What I kept whispering when he was so small I couldn’t believe. What I sang to him as lullabies.

“You know why we gave you and your sister the last names we did?”

“Because it’s your guys’ last names together?” He asked. I shook my head.

“We were done with what we had to be. We were ready to leave it all behind forever and never looking back. We were going to let you - and, well, your sister too, but she wouldn’t come for another two years - be Ferrars. My fake name, from when I moved to North America.” Connor leaned in, listening. “It was who I was when we met the last time. Juliette was who brought us together, even if she was made up. But… As time passed… We realized we couldn’t keep running. And as terrible, horrible and no good our past was… We had to understand it was there. And there were good things in our paths, things we wouldn’t want to leave behind.”

I’m about to fix his hair, but I stop myself, pulling my hand back. Connor sees it, but he doesn’t say anything, afraid to interrupt me.

“If you were a girl… We couldn’t agree on either name you after my sister, your aunt Emmaline. Or your grandmother, you father’s mother Leila. We just agreed they were names that just wouldn’t fit together. As you turned out to be a boy… We decided to give you a new name. With no shadow from what came before. But still… Keeping in mind that there was heritage to be proud of. So we gave you Sommers so you’d be… Well, not like me, but brave like your aunt Emmaline. And Warner. So you’d be kind like your grandmother Leila.”

Connor contemplated this new information, nodding to himself. I continue, because I need him to listen. He never listens, but just this once. I need it to stay with him. I need this to stick, because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say it again.

“So, Connor, please. Don’t ever think you’re restricted by who your grandparents were. Or even by who your dad and me are. You’re your own person. You’re free to do whatever you want. You weren’t build to be anyone else than yourself. And you should never ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”

My face is burning. My face is burning because there is a fire inside of me. My heart has already been reduced to ashes. The water inside me has boiled and is trying to escape through my eyes. My throat is closed with the smoke of terrible dreams coming through. As soon as Connor’s eyes leave me, I’m sure I’ll break apart. I’ll fall into a million little pieces. I hope he doesn’t look back so he doesn’t see it, I hope he never lives to regret it, to regret putting me behind. I close my eyes, trying to hide the pain.

Connor’s head fits perfectly under my chin. His hair is so soft. He climbs over the stick of the humvee and he sits on my lap, arms around my waist. I stand still for a moment, breathless, scared that if he holds on to me too hard, I’ll break apart. But that’s not what he does.

Connor and Olympia, they’re so much better. Than me, than Aaron, than anyone I’ve met. They fix, they heal. They make the world better. They fill it with joy and excitement. I feel Connor get into my crevices, putting them back together, extinguishing the fire, dissipating the smoke, clearing the air. I put my arms around him and I sob against his shoulder. I cry because the relief is unbelievable. A weight I didn’t know that was crushing my lungs is finally gone. Now that fear - of being where I started, rightfully alone and unlovable - is no more. And I owe it all to him. To this small incredible human being I made.

“Now it’s time to go, mom.” Connor says after a while, nuzzling my neck. For a second, it’s like he’s the parent and I’m the child. He pulls away from me, using his hands to dry my face. “We have to go find Pyp.”

taglist: @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @zarleybookworm @mariamuses

[ataurusinabookshop]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me:...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too

[harlanshake22-blog]

Shatter me

Summary

As Shatter Me begins, Juliette Ferrars is a teenaged girl locked in a cell at an asylum for a crime she accidentally committed years ago. She’s starting to lose her mind from the isolation, but one day, the guards tell her she is getting a cellmate. She is worried when she finds out that the cellmate is a young man named Adam. She knows she remembers him from somewhere when they meet, but she cannot figure out from where. At first, she is scared of him, and Adam behaves aggressively, taking over the one bed and blanket in the cell and leaving her to fend for herself. However, their attitudes towards each other soften after he burns his hand on a hot plate and she patches him up. She then starts teaching him how to survive in the facility. She shows him how to get a quick shower, and he returns her bed and blanket when he sees she is cold. She remains haunted by her odd memories of him, but does not ask him about it.

One day, the soldiers come into the cell to take Juliette away. It is revealed that Adam is a soldier and a spy, working for the Reestablishment, the totalitarian government regime. She is taken to Sector 45, where she meets its leader, Warner. He wants her to use her deadly touch to destroy the rebels in exchange for a life of ease and riches. While she is horrified by the idea, Warner wants her to see what her life could be like in the compound and assigns Adam as her bodyguard.

In the compound, Juliette finds herself with every comfort, but rebuffs Adam’s attempts to get her to cooperate with Warner. She later finds out that Adam was beaten by Warner for her refusal, and decides to play along for now, dressing up and looking for a way out. She finds the notebook she had in her cell and learns that Adam is really trying to help her. He is moved into her new apartment, and she learns that Adam can touch her without being hurt. The two of them become closer, eventually starting a romantic relationship. Warner continues to press Juliette to join his side. She is horrified by his brutal actions, such as his sacrifice of one of his own men to her poison touch. Warner continues to put Juliette through sadistic tests of her power, and she and Adam begin putting together a plan to escape. They make their run for it during a drill, but during their escape, it is revealed that Warner is immune to Juliette’s touch as well. They escape and find a tank Adam hid; they flee to his home. There, Juliette is introduced to Adam’s younger brother. Soon a soldier named Kenji seeks refuge in their home after being tortured by Warner for information. He tells them to flee. Soon soldiers arrive at the home seeking the fugitives. Juliette, Adam, James, and the injured Kenji flee, but they are caught, and Adam is shot.

Juliette is dragged off, and Warner proceeds to hit on her, expressing his excitement over being able to touch her. She steals his gun while he is distracted and shoots him. She flees and finds a badly injured, tortured Adam. They steal a car, rescue James and Kenji, and flee to a safe haven that Kenji knows. At the facility, the injured are treated and Juliette is sedated after becoming frantic. She wakes up to a man trying to ask her questions, but will not answer anything until she sees her friends. Kenji assures her that they are safe. Soon, she is taken by her guard, Winston, to meet Castle, the rebel leader. Castle informs her that this location is called Omega Point, a safe haven for people who have special abilities. She is one of fifty-six gifted people. Castle is another, having telekinesis. He is organizing a rebellion against The Reestablishment. She learns that Kenji can become invisible, and Winston can stretch his body. Adam is healed, and Juliette is given a suit that allows her to touch others. Armed with the suit and a new confidence in herself, Juliette is ready to join the resistance.

Qoutes

“My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured in concrete molds.” (Page 1)

-From the begging of the story Juliette Ferrars is a teenage girl locked in a cell at an asylum for a crime she accidentally committed years ago. She said that she is in the four walls and no one can hear her.

“Adam stares at me so long I begin to blush. He tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. Blue blue blue boring into me. His voice is deep, steady. "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh." (Page 1)

-In the story Adam look at her and she feels like she nervous she can’t understand her feeling that way and she always think that Adam would kill her. She never trusts Adam.

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.” (Page 1)

-In the story she wanted dream like she can see outside and try to touch human with their hands.

“Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.” (Page 2)

-She said that her room is heavy with the scent of wet stone, upturned soil; the air is dank and earthy. She takes a deep breath and tiptoe to the window only to press her nose against the cool surface. Feel my breath fog up the glass. Close my eyes to the sound of a soft pitter-patter rushing through the wind.

“You can't touch me," I whisper. I'm lying, is what I don't tell him. He can touch me, is what I'll never tell him. Please touch me, is what I want to tell him.” (Page 2)

-She wants Adam to touch her but she can’t tell this to Adam because she scared to Adam that time when they both in the darkness place to take a shower but she thinks that Adam could kill her in that place.

“I've been screaming for years and no one has ever heard me.” (Page 3)

-When Adam and Juliette is in the darkness place to take a shower, she taught that Adam will kill her but she is wrong Adam feel her safe and she said that quote line because no one can bring her to that place, no one can hear her. And because of her cellmates she realizes that there is man can hear her now.

“Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomorrow and two days from now I will be just fine and I'm so delirious I actually dare to believe it.”(Page 4)

-She is hoping that everyone can understand her that can hug her and comfort her because no one can see her even her family or parents.

“Someone picked up the sun and pinned it to the sky again, but every day it hangs a little lower than the day before. It's like a negligent parent who only knows one half of who you are. It never sees how its absence changes people. How different we are in the dark.” (Page 6)

Vocabulary

• Dank

Adjective

Origin: Middle English Danke.

First use: 1573

: Wet and cold in way that is unpleasant.

“The air is dank” Chapter II

• Pitter-patter

Noun

Origin: Reduplication of 4patter.

First use: 15th century

: A quick series of light sound.

“Close my eyes to the sound of a soft pitter-patter” Chapter II

• Cloak

Noun

Origin: middle English cloke, from Anglo-French cloque bell, cloak, from Medieval Latin clocca bell; from its shape

First use: 13th Century

: A piece of clothing that is use as a coat, that has no sleeves, and that worn over that shoulders and attached at the neck.

“My eyes to begin to adjust in the artificial cloak night” Chapter III

• Clench

Verb

Origin: Middle English, from old English- clencan; akin to old English clingan to cling.

First use: 13th century

: To set (something) in a tightly close position.

“The clenches and unclenches his jaw. “Chapter IV

• Gnawing

Verb

Origin: Middle English gnawen, from old English gnagan; akin to Old High German gnagaw to gnaw.

First use: Before 12th century

“There’s an ache in pit of stomach that’s gnawing on my herres.” Chapter 11

• Resentful

Adjective

First use: 1656

: having or showing a feeling of anger or displeasure about someone or something unfair.

“Resentful eyes” Chapter 12

• Buckle

Verb

First use: 14th century

: To fasten (something, such as a belt) with a buckle.

“My bones begin to buckle.” Chapter 13

• Flatter

Verb

Origin: Middle English flateren, from anglo-french flater to lap, flatter, of Germanic origin; akin to Old high German flaz flat.

First use: 13th century

: To praise (someone) in way that is not sincere.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Chapter 15

• Etch

Verb

Origin: Dutch etsen, from German atzen to etch, corrode, from Old High German azzen to feed; akin to Old High German ezzen to eat- more eat.

First use: 1634

: To produce a patter, design, etc., by using a powerful liquid (cold and acid) to cut the surface of metal or glass.

“Fletcher’s face is etched in permanent humour as he crumble the ground. Chapter 16

[juicyfruitpack]

I’ve seen a lot of brutal and unexpected things walking into my office. From a man with half his finger freshly cut off to a woman with her healing mouth that was sliced open after a fight with her spouse.

But walking in today and seeing a classy broad drinking my favorite whiskey in nothing but a house robe was a special kind of brutal. The brutal that I couldn’t help but handle and get involved. I could already that I was going to take the case.

“And now a strange man in a robe sits on my desk with a glass of my whiskey,” I state as I walk further into the room.

“No one said that Dylan Scott was a woman and not a man,” he hums as he takes another sip.

“Does that affect my job?”

He briefly shakes his head. “Best assassin the business is what I have heard.”

I place my bag on my desk as the man continues to sip the whiskey. “What do you need Axel Ferrar?”

“And she knows my name! She must be good!”

My lips thin. I wouldn’t tell him how I know, but that would only be because he actually has his name engraved on his robe. I’ve heard things before about him from last clients. His was a powerful man that was feared by the average human, but it was hard to be intimidated by a man in a robe outside of his house.

“State your business or leave. I don’t have time for nonsense.”

He places the glass down firmly on then desk making me look up slowly. “Oh believe me Doll, neither do I.”

“Then?”

“I need you to get rid of someone for me.”

“Well I would hope so, why else would you show up to an assassin’s office?”

His friendly expression gone as he looks at me with his dark eyes that start to turn cold.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Continue.”

“I need you to get rid of my son.”

I'd seen a lot of brutal and unexpected things walking into my office. But walking in today and seeing a classy broad drinking my favorite whiskey in nothing but a house robe was a special kind of brutal. I could already tell that I was going to take the case.

Write It

[brainfoodgp]

Fall/2018

“What we plant in the soil of contemplation, we shall reap in the harvest of action.”

- Meister Eckehart-

It is still hard for me to believe that when I sat down to start writing this fall issues there was snow falling outside my window and NY would be accumulating its first 6 inches of the season…and that was just in the city! I would have loved to have taken a snow day, however, as my never ending and hectic schedule wouldn’t allow. I was out starting yet another new project. I will say, as we wrap up the celebration of Brain Food Garden Project’s first 5 years that the journey has been incredibly sweet so far. I think this month’s quote by Meister Eckehart speaks volumes as to how I’m feeling right now about this extraordinary adventure I’ve been on.

I am looking so forward to a few weeks of downtime starting in December and practicing some much needed self-care before kicking off what is already promising to be an equally busy 2019. This issue feels as jam packed as my schedule but it has been a pleasure putting it together for all of you. First up, the BFGP Feature is all about the new BFGP/Simon Says Laugh produced The Candor Report podcast. I can’t believe that as of this writing my co-host Sharon Simon and I are two episodes away from finishing our premiere 6. I’ve written my second Community piece on the recent Q&A I was fortunate to be a part of at Community Healthcare Networks 1st  Integrative Medicine & Community Nutrition Symposium. The 2nd Annual Resist Through Giving is back with five new suggestions of worthwhile organizations to donate to over this yuletide. What I’m Reading is a favorite new cookbook that you may just want to put under the tree this holiday season for a loved one or even possibly yourself! And speaking of cookbooks, to wrap things up with a nice little holiday bow in our Healthy & Delicious Recipes, Chef Annette Tomei presents one of her wonderful recipes that will be debuting Summer 2019 in our new Brain Food Garden Project cookbook 33 Delicious Recipes for the Brain. A perfect salad to start off your holiday feast, take to your office potluck, or simply make for yourself with a nice glass of dry German Riesling after a long day of shopping.

As always Brain Food Garden Project’s partners and I wish all of you and your families a joyful holiday season and a very healthy and happy New Year!

BFGP Feature:

When you “plant in the soil of contemplation,” much like when you plant actual seeds, you are never sure what may germinate or not and what ideas may fully grow to be harvested or whither on the vine. When the seed of an idea does grow and bear fruit and with such divinely tasty results. You must take a few seconds to pat yourself on the back for a job well done. The Candor Report podcast has been one of those juicy projects where all of the elements aligned. From finding the perfect partner and co-host in comedian and mental health advocate Sharon Simon. To locating the perfect studio and support team in The Comic Strip Live and Sound Engineer Adam Hiniker. To having a roster of amazing first guests to kick off the premiere of our first 6 episodes. Celia Brown, Hillary Lindsay, Chef Annette Tomei, Claire Hartten, Melissa Olson, Erica Christensen, Lyle Schmerz, and Heather Carlucci.

The topics for our first shows have received supportive and positive feedback from our audience and many peers have reached out to ask when the show will return in 2019. Sharon and I will be looking for sponsorship in the new year and possibly even a podcast broadcast station we will be able to call home. We already have some amazing conversations started regarding interest in developing our show further and taking it to the next level. With that expansion in mind we have added podcast platforms giving our growing audience more streaming options. Now, besides the Brain Food Garden Project website. You can locate TCR’s podcast on SoundCloud, Apple, Stitcher Smart Radio, Spotify, and Google Play. You can also continue the candid conversation with Sharon and me on our Facebook page by clicking here.

I am looking forward to bringing new shows and content to this exciting Brain Food Garden Project platform in 2019. If you haven’t had the chance to check out our first podcasts click here.

Community:

I am out in the field a lot networking and promoting Brain Food Garden Project’s mission. Whenever I attend a conference, symposium or Q&A. I always make it a point when thanking the organizer’s and those speaking to point out the importance of including the peer voice, those of us with lived experience to these important conversations about mental and physical health as well a food justice issues. It is always nice to know that people are listening. As was recently demonstrated when I was invited to speak by Community Healthcare Networks planners for the 1st Annual Integrative Medicine &Community Nutrition Symposium. I sat on a Q&A panel titled: Expanded Food & Nutrition Education Programs to create Healthier Communities. I was not only honored, but I was also aware that the audience, mostly clinicians, was an audience I very much as a mental health peer advocate wanted to reach.

The speakers throughout the day were selected to expand the minds of and provide clinicians with the tools to integrate mindfulness and nutritional forms of healing into their heavily western medicine/medical model perspective. And what an exciting day of substantive talks it was. From Minding the Mind: Cultivating Resilience with Mind-Body Medicine to prevent Medical Provider Burnout with Pooja Amy Shah, MD. To Corbin Hill Food Project’s Erica Christensen providing alternative models to improve a communities health and how to start a vegetable share program. There were a total of 8 programs throughout the day that started a 9am and concluded sharply at 1pm. It is my hope that next year the talks can be recorded so that the brilliant programing might be able to reach a wider audience.

The panel that I sat on was a Q&A panel highlighting exemplary food and nutrition programs in NYC. CHN’s Director of Nutrition Melissa Olson asked superb questions that opened up an informed conversation between myself and panelists Natasha Ashley of Cornell University Cooperative Extension and Anna Rickards of Community Healthcare Network. It was a well executed day of events and I hope that its success will provide the impetus for more of these thought provoking symposiums in years to come.

What I’m Reading:

It is a fact that I am currently co-writing my own cookbook 33 Delicious Recipes for the Brain with the phenomenal Chef Annette Tomei who is developing the books brain enhancing and mouth watering recipes. So it isn’t what I’ve been reading lately as much as it’s been what cookbook I’ve been cooking out of and seeking inspiration from. And all of you are in for a treat with Cristina Ferrare’s newest cookbook Food for Thought: Recipes for Ultimate Mind and Body Health. The book with a forward from Maria Shriver builds off their work together and successful “Food for Thought” Facebook Live series. Offering the latest research findings and guidance on how our food choices now can positively or adversely affect our chances of getting dementia and Alzheimer’s disease later in life. The recipes are crafted beautifully and are easy to make. A wonderful addition to the cookbook aficionado in your life’s collection. Tis the season!

Resist Through Giving:

This is the time of year that I love the most, because ask anyone that knows me, and they’ll tell you I do love giving gifts! All of those family members that I no longer speak to that voted for “He who shall not be named,” (yes, a Harry Potter reference surprise, surprise! check out number 4 of my resist through giving selections). I do enjoy making small donations in their names for the resistance! Last year the donation was to the Southern Poverty Law Center and this year it will be to the ACLU. I do what I can to tip the scales from fascist hate to kindness and what better way during this festive time of year than to select a few good causes fighting the good fight. These are the five organizations that will be receiving my end of year donations. If you happen to also be looking for some excellent opportunities for this year’s #GivingTuesday on November 27th I hope you’ll consider BFGP’s favorites. Oh, and if you’re wondering what I want for Winter Solstice this year, I already got it! That Great Hall in Washington just got a change of colors. Thank you America for turning at least one of the houses of congress blue. I applaud you!!

 1.)  ACLU- really if you need ask why giving to this historic organization is a no brainer. Than Mr. & Mrs. Ostrich pull your head out of that hole in the sand. To donate click here.

2.) The Matthew Shepard Fund- Hate crimes are up in America and many of my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community are considered fair game to these warped acolytes of nationalistic fervor and hate. Matthew has always been a continuing reminder for me that I will fight with every breath in my body NOT TO GO BACK. To donate click here.

3.) Native Planet- Their mission to preserve culture and to empower native peoples is just what I need to spend a little money on. From the good old U.S.A. to Columbia, Peru and Brazil Indigenous peoples are still treated despicably and the genocide continues. I refuse to stand by and watch it happen. To donate click here.

4.) Harry Potter Alliance- From putting books in to our library’s and kids hands to creating the next generation of grassroots activists. Donating even $5 to this worthwhile organization will surely provide you with a good enough thought to cast the most powerful Patronus ever. Watch out Dementors! To donate click here.

5.) Corbin Hill Food Project- Simply because we need as many organizations out there as possible working to insure everyone has the opportunity to access affordable, healthy fresh food, period. To donate click here.

Healthy & Delicious Recipes:

Happy Holiday’s from Brain Food Garden Project! This recipe created by Chef Annette Tomei is from our upcoming cookbook 33 Delicious Recipes for the Brain

 “This salad is a modern restaurant classic that can also be made with raw shaved artichoke hearts (if you’re feeling adventurous). What would often be made with a complicated multi-step lemon oil is made home-friendly with a simple lemony dressing that just takes a couple minutes to put together! This nutty, crunchy, tangy-creamy salad is a great way to enjoy Brussels sprouts, and will make a fan of even the most finicky eater!”

-Chef Tomei-

 Shaved Brussels Sprouts Salad

Yields 2 portions

 Ingredients:

 12 Brussels sprouts, whole, medium

1/2-teaspoon salt

1/4 cup almond slivers

1 Lemon: zest and juice

1-tablespoon extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Freshly ground pepper, to taste

 Instructions:

 Clean the Brussels sprouts then cut them very thin or shave them on a mandolin, or single-blade side of a box grater.

In a medium bowl, toss the shaved Brussels sprouts with salt and gently rub them together (this will soften the texture and give flavor).

Lightly toast the almond slivers to pale golden brown. This can be done in a dry skillet on the stovetop over medium heat for approximately 2-4 minutes, or in a toaster oven for 3-5 minutes. Be careful not to burn them, they will toast quickly.

Add the almonds to the Brussels sprouts.

Zest the lemon with a rasp grater or the smallest side of a box grater.

Juice the lemon and remove any seeds.

In a jar or container with a tight fitting lid, place the zest, juice, olive oil, and a pinch of salt. Shake well.

Pour the dressing over the Brussels sprouts and almonds. Add half of the grated Parmesan cheese. Mix well.

Serve the salad with the remaining Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.

[bornthorn]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me:...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too

[thebookishbarista]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me:...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too

[novel-goddess]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me:...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too

[aerica13]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me:...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too

[whatabeautifulmindforreading]

Friend: So do you really only read books for the plot?

Me: ...

Audrey Rose Wadsworth: "I was determined to be both pretty and fierce, as Mother had said I could be. Just because I was interested in a man’s job didn’t mean I had to give up being girly. Who defined those roles anyhow?"

Claire Beauchamp: "One dictum I had learned on the battlefields of France in a far distant war: You cannot save the world, but you might save the man in front of you, if you work fast enough."

Juliette Ferrars: "Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll sustain you. But if it sits too long it goes bad. It grows stale. It becomes toxic." I shake my head. "I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents."

Inej Ghafa: "We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

Feyre Archeron: "I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again I would not, could not be broken. Tamed."

Aelin Galathynius: "She was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius—­and she would not be afraid."

Katy Swartz: "Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy. And I needed to use my words now."

Jude: "What could I become if I stopped worrying about death, about pain, about anything? If I stopped trying to belong? Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear."

Vasilisa: "All my life, I have been told ‘go’ and ‘come.’ I am told how I will live, and I am told how I must die. I must be a man’s servant and a mare for his pleasure, or I must hide myself behind walls and surrender my flesh to a cold, silent god. I would walk into the jaws of hell itself, if it were a path of my own choosing. I would rather die tomorrow in the forest than live a hundred years of the life appointed me."

Me: ...The characters are pretty cool too