#headcanon: illya

[joyfulmagic]

what form of love do you embody? || Illya

love as tenderness

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

[heytheredeann]

Headcanon that Illya is a light sleeper, a fly landing on the window can and will wake him up under the assumption that they are going to die, while Gaby (when she manages to fall asleep to begin with, hello insomnia) is an extremely heavy sleeper, nothing will wake her up. One time Napoleon literally started banging pots and pans because it was noon and he figured she should get out of bed but nope, she was none the wiser.

And then there's Napoleon, who is normally as light a sleeper as Illya, but has now discovered the wonders of Sleeping Around His Tall And Deadly Partner. When he sleeps with Illya or in his near vicinity, he is as heavy a sleeper as Gaby.

This is all fine except Illya has NO IDEA that Napoleon is normally so easy to wake up, which leads to a very awkward conversation with a couple of CIA agents who were paired up with Napoleon at one point for some mission and who, trying to make small talk with Illya, bring up how annoying it was to not be able to so much as grab a bottle of water without finding Napoleon staring.

Meanwhile Illya is there like "...what are you talking about. If he's asleep there could be plane crash right out his window and he would not notice."

Illya is confused. Napoleon is just about to start digging a tunnel bare-handed to get out of this conversation.

CANNOT LET ILLYA KNOW THAT HE LIKES HIM ABORT ABORT ABORT—

[justabigoldnerd]

I LOVE the seemingly fandom-wide headcanon that Illya has a sweet tooth, it makes me SO HAPPY

[napollya-inspiration]

Thinking about how considering tmfu takes place in the 60s there should be a lot more smoking by everyone.

Thinking also, perhaps, if I may, about the intimacy of sharing a cigarette.

[ikeepwatchinghelicopters]

Random thought: Napoleon is usually very smooth when flirting and capable of seducing basically anyone he wants to, but he suddenly turns dumb and awkward when he's trying to flirt with Illya.

[cha-melodius]

Not a wacky au (I dont think that I could live up to that level of batshit crazy) but an au request never the less.

Paramedic Illya who responds to a multi car pile up. Solo is trapped in his car, it’s a difficult extraction that takes hours, all the while Solo’s condition is deteriorating. But the time they get him out he’s in criticle condition and it’s touch and go. Maybe Gaby was in the car but it was easy to get her out.

For the following days/weeks Illya can’t seem to let solo go - he’s never has this issue letting go off a patient after the hand over - so he goes to visit Solo after he gets moved out of the ICU

Oooh this one is ripe for lots of drama! Honestly perfect for whumptober. I love the idea that Illya has seen this kind of thing time and time again, but there's something about Napoleon that sticks with him. I can see a situation where Napoleon is conscious at first and Illya has to try to keep him talking and awake while they work to get him out. Maybe Illya is not usually the "talking" one, because he's not a very chatty person, but for some reason he's the one who has to this time. He discovers Napoleon is surprisingly easy to talk to, but also he starts feeling more and more distressed as Napoleon starts fading. Imagine if Illya can see at least part of him—enough to see those piercing blue eyes that linger on in his head for ages afterward.

Maybe in the aftermath he doesn't even know Napoleon's full name, and he tries to track it down through the hospital but is rebuffed because of HIPAA. He should give up, but he just needs to know if Napoleon is ok. That's all (that's not all). One day after dropping off a call he runs into Gaby, who's there to visit Napoleon, and he's all awkward about trying to find out about Napoleon without trying to seem weird. She takes him to visit, which surprises Napoleon. They talk a bit and that SHOULD be the end of it, but it's not. Illya keeps coming back, bringing Napoleon better food than the hospital meals and getting shoo'd out by the nurses because he's there too long.

Obviously they fall in love, and what starts harrowing and whumpy ends impossibly soft (guess I'm in a fluffy mood, lol).

Thanks for sending this in anon! It's not a setup I've seen before, actually!

[novelelitist]

Mahou Kemono Kaiju ☆ Illya!

Rating: General Audiences Characters: Illya, Shirou, Luvia, Rin, and Ruby (the Cat) Summary: Illyasviel von Einzbern is obsessed with magical girl cartoons, but otherwise, she's just like every other fifth grader whose parents are never home. One day on her way to school, she gets the chance to join her shojou heroes (and maybe those annoying older girls who like her brother)—but at what cost?!

This is THE Magical Girl-cat-cat-girl piece you didn’t know you needed for Illyasviel von Einzbern. It’s the fourth-wall breaking masterpiece that didn’t get banned in Australia. Go read it. It’s cute, funny, and a lovable parody of the magical girl genre.

[autisticheadcanonsdaily]

Illya Kuryakin from the original Man From U.N.C.L.E. show is autistic, submitted by anon!

[duchess-of-nothing-and-nowhere]

Gallya + car races

Headcanon that Gaby and Illya sometimes engage in car races against each other in between missions, just for fun and the kicks. They’re pretty evenly matched in their skills, which keeps the races interesting. Napoleon usually prefers to watch from the sidelines.

[joyfulmagic]

WHAT HORROR TROPE ARE YOU?

the monster

it was not your fault– at first, at least. you can not help being the way you are. and even if you could, would you choose to change? they met you with torches raised and screaming mouths, the only choice you had was to flee. but you will not stay away forever. they whisper your name in fear, and you will make sure you hurt them just as much as they hurt you.

[heytheredeann]

#prev I see your aro Napoleon#consider: Napoleon rating Gabllya’s kissing based on a review scale only he knows#bonus points for judgemental side eyes

@yallwildinrn posting this here to avoid derailing the post too much, but YES YES YES

He carries around cards with numbers and cards with + and - signs to deliver his judgement. He ALWAYS fucking has them, because he doesn't understand romance so he is never 100% sure that ANY situation is going to be kiss-free

At first Illya and Gaby figure that he's rating their kisses based on sexyness, which like would track when it comes to Napoleon's alloaro ass, right? Except one time he rates the most unsexy, sticky, quick peck on the lips with a 9 and they are extremely confused

He rates a full-blown make-out session a 3 one time and a 7 another time (in their defense, He Was Not Supposed To Be There), and they don't understand what the difference was

Plus, sometimes he rates the kiss high but still gives them the WORST side-eye, they have no idea what is going on in his head but they are so happy to have him there regardless

[justabigoldnerd]

Broke: Illya, Gaby, and Solo all have the psychological disorders spelled out in their files and that's it.

Woke: Illya is autistic, on top of (and contributing to) his listed psychological disorders. Solo is ADHD, which is a direct explanation for his listed psychological disorders (poor impulse control). Gaby just has what is listed in her file.

Bespoke: Illya is autistic, contributing to his awkwardness, missing social cues, etc., with PTSD, psychosis, and likely schizophrenia and/or bipolar disorder. Solo is AuDHD with impulse control issues presenting most boldly, but his Special Interests are art/art history AND social cues/high class etiquette and he takes high amounts of energy and care studying the second one, hence the many intricate and perfected masks. Also has PTSD. Gaby is an autistic person socialized as a woman, so she comes off as neurotypical and just "happens" to have all the diagnoses that ARE autistic traits, has cPTSD and/or PTSD, and attachment issues.

[mvnces]

hello little gays in my phone. happy new year. I’m starting it out with a stupid morning hc: illya sometimes forgets the english word for things and will just repeat the russian word for said item <3

[shapelytimber]

Look, social media aus are very dumb but fun to do fklxkdk Illya would make short videos (mostly) about fashion, and Napoleon would be very unsubtle about being a Spy

I am formally apologizing to the uncle fandom for tiktoker Illya Kuryakin, I have no regrets (also @quijicroix is part responsible, being my evil advisor)

Here are the posts in details, and the profile pics :)

[COMMISSIONS]

No process this time, just me yapping for way to long about every choice and refs that went into this dumb au below vvv

Illya is younger than Napoleon (I usualy headcanon him at around 25 and Napoleon 35ish), so I think their use of social media would be quite different : hence Illya on Tiktok and Napoleon on Instagram. Also it's not the 60s so Illya can be like 10% less reppressed :)) but as a debuff Napoleon now has the technology to call him a nerd

Illya's page started as a cover for some affair, but he ended up kinda enjoying doing it in his free time. It's like a hobby for him, a way to experiment with fashion ! It's what made him want to pursue fashion design as a career after his curent spy job. And also I think he gets more and more nervous the more followers he gets, because as a spy having a chance to get recognise in the street is really bad dkdldlos Napoleon teases him endlessly that he became a tiktoker (as he should)-

Did I, at one point in the project, had to scrap the thirst trap idea to keep the fashion nerd vibes ? Yes I did, but just know he uses the "twink" tag :)

• The first post is a ref to the discotheque affair, not the best episode and a great miss for not including a disco Illya outfit, so I made him one to match the other :D

• The second is to the Hot number, but he gets to wear the thrush pattern !

• The third one is what made me do all of this ! Because, if you're not french, you might not know about one of my favorite yearly twitter threads : Met Gala outfits as INSEE graphs by Clara Dealberto ! Don't care about the met gala, but this is very funny :) and such a Illya Kuryakin thing to do kdkdkd

• fourth one isn't fashion related, it's a ref to popart and the "he has Dostoïevski eyes" line that made us laught a lot

• A little Fiddlesticks for the dog post, because it's a banger episode. Plus a nod to he dog expert from it, with whom Illya had palpable sexual tension fkfkfkl I like to think they kept contact ;) (shoutout to this fic (Intensity by AconitumNapellus) who absolutely get the vision, 10/10 guy to "cheat" on your boyfriend with)

• and the final one is a make over because of course it is

As for Napoleon, being older and less invested in this, an instagram made sense. But crutialy, I get such strong modern oss117 vibes from Napoleon (the way he shoots his gun, the goofy faces, the awkward stance everytime he enters a place, the inexplicable in universe rizz...) dkfkldls modern oss117 was a parody of both 60s james bond and older oss117 movies, but I'm now convinced they also whatched some uncle while doing these, it's just so obvious- anyway all this to say, in the second movie oss117 has to pose as a photographer and gets way too invested in his cover (it's his thing don't question it), and at the end of the movie we get to see all the photography he took during his mission..... Let me tell you how hard it was to resist him having an instagram full of blurry women on the street (canon 60s napoleon would have done it I'm sorry)- but what I kept was the pretty "badly" shot pics of random things, tho you sometimes get the odd decent pic taken by Illya. And he gets to be in a duck floatie as a treat and nod to oss <3

• Pinned post is because it became frustrating for him having to respond to people asking him if it was his real name or if he was a far right french man simping for Bonaparte

• first post is not a ref, but if my very sexy flat car was burning in the desert I would take a pic (ft Illya despairing) kdkdkd

• Duck floatie is a oss117 ref

• selfie with a beautiful woman (ft his finger), no ref I just love drawing women

• also Fiddlesticks for the cute Napoleon fox !! And to kinda link the two profiles :)

• and finaly Spy with my face ! He tried taking a picture of his date (I'll let you decide who it was), but oops front facing camera kdkdkdk

Can you tell I had a lot of fun doing this ? I love this show way to much omfg

PS : if you've never seen the recent oss117 movies, you should they funny ! But oh god some jokes are terrible- the first one is the best, minus one gay joke frankly not great. They nail the gay joke in the second one but oh god... They do not always win the 'is our character a piece of shit or is the movie problematic' gamble so be aware of that. And the 3rd one is shit don't bother

PPS : I don't use Tiktok, I tried my best to emulate the feeling of it but be aware I have no idea what I'm doing dkkdld

[ikeepwatchinghelicopters]

Random angsty thought: Illya puts trackers on Gaby and Napoleon as a sign of affection. He wants to know his partners are safe or where he needs to go to save them.

Illya dies and months after his death, after they thought they found all of them, Gaby discovers another one of his hidden trackers and breaks down. Napoleon finds her and comforts her/grieves with her.

[cha-melodius]

Hi :)

So, I somehow watched a few paleontologist reacts to dinosaur movies videos and it gave me an idea for a weird TMFU AU. What if Napoleon is a movie director who is planning to make a series of movies about dinosaurs (something like Jurassic Park) and Illya is a paleontologist who is called in as an expert consultant. Illya is of course very adamant that everything has to be as realistic as possible and Napoleon is more like "it's not a documentary, it doesn't have to be 100% true". Hence they argue all the time.

Your thoughts on this?

Hope you'll have a great day!!

It's been far too long since I got an AU idea in my inbox! Oh, for the days of blorbo au, or the fruit gang au, or tmfu/goncharov crossover, lmaoooo.

ANYWAY, thank you for sending this in. I am unsurprisingly familiar with the genre of video you are talking about (and before anyone asks, no, I've never made any of them... but it's really weird to see people I know from grad school making them now and being like OH THAT IDIOT (affectionate)). Illya as the thorn in Napoleon's creative side is an excellent idea all around, particularly something like this. Napoleon would want to be free to make the movie the way he wants, and Illya is utterly obsessed with all the details he's getting wrong. The thing is, Napoleon does want his movie to be reasonably accurate, he just is also of the opinion that there's a lot of room for interpretation (and he's not wrong), whereas Illya is of course very wedded to his own theories. I love the idea that Napoleon surprises him in one of their arguments by busting out some alternate interpretation of a fossil and Illya is just flummoxed (and also a little turned on) because he assumed Napoleon hadn't bothered reading up on it at all.

Of course Waverly is the producer, and I like Gaby as the special effects supervisor—and they're doing things a little old school, with lots of practical effects so she can build ALL the things. Illya learns he can sneak some stuff in just by going to her and getting her to build the models that way. 😂

I think over the course of making the movie they first come to an uneasy truce, but THEN they start spending more time together. Maybe Napoleon at first invites Illya to come have drinks one evening so they can discuss things to placate him even though he doesn't think Illya will actually take him up on it. But Illya reluctantly agrees, and they actually end up having a good conversation. They start spending nearly every evening of filming together, still arguing over almost everything but it's getting a lot flirty (especially on Napoleon's side lmao).

I'm not 100% sure where else this would go but I have a vision of Napoleon bringing Illya to the premiere as his date. Maybe there's some drama about it because Napoleon's mostly been an indie film director but landed this big-budget summer tentpole movie that has the potential to make him a big name. He's never really thought about how being out in Hollywood would affect him until this moment, when suddenly it seems to matter more than it did when he was off making weird indie flicks. But he really really wants Illya to be there with him and not just for the movie.

Thanks so much again for sending this in, it was so lovely to dust off the ol' AU plotting muscles and dream up something for these two. 💕