Realizing that by definition I experience chronic pain is-
Weird
Uncomfy
Guilty?
Like
"My pain isn't that bad
Chronic pain is a label for people who really hurt."
Isn't it?
I need to get over that kind of thinking I'm sure. I hurt and there's a word that helps describe it. I should use it.
Idk my head hurts and I can't make any good concluding thoughts here. Fuck maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I don't fit the definition. I just know I hurt often and it fucking sucks.
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my head hurts from memories and junk, i journaled, head still hurt :(
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The migraine walk of shame is coming downstairs with the four ice packs you slept with
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Just read a post an op shared about Crowley’s confession being ruined/rushed and not at all what he intended. And it suddenly dawned on me....
Aziraphale's confession got blocked by Hell
Shax and her gaggle of demon's interrupting the Ball!
Crowley's confession got blocked by Heaven
The Metatron and his coffee based manipulations
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there is so much to unpack with just this scene. house thinks he’s unable to be fixed/unloveable because of his personality and trauma. cuddy says she loves him but she wishes she didn’t meaning that she didn’t really choose to love house, kind of affirming his insecurity. cuddy can’t help but love house even though she really doesn’t want to and she knows that house is unfixable. meanwhile, wilson loves house because of who he is, not in spite of it. house still thinks he’s unloveable and unfixable but he drops everything and sacrifices everything for wilson, he never did that for cuddy. house literally drove his car into her house. i think if this conversation happened with wilson instead of wilson saying “i love you. i wish i didn’t but i can’t help it” wilson would say “i love you. you’re unfixable but that’s okay. i love you anyway”
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Nothing like a little fall to remind you you're still young while simultaneously reminding you you're not as young as you used to be.
I'm gonna feel that tomorrow. I'm feeling it right now.
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If your requests aren't full, could I ask for some more murasaki or paul? I love them both so much
Also I love your work!! Your art and hcs are so good it actually blows my mind. Hope you're having a great day <3
Hello! it's never full, I love getting them and store them for the future so always keep in your mind that I'll do your request soon or later! I did this time Paul cus I had some sketches of him prepared so I decided to do some kind of edgy web comic! ((HOPE IT DOESN'T CRUSH DOWN THE QUALITY...))
If you'd like me to continue these kinds of comics please let me know on the tags or comments, I read them all! ;__;
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everybody stay with me im shifting back into speculation & analyzing mode, this time about everybody's favorite pair of besties. ill put this under the cut for everyone's sakes
and please, take all of this with a Hefty grain of salt.
so ive been... thinking about a thing. a maybe-possibility. which if this has some merit, the part of me that loves characters having a good time and feeling good feels is screaming in fear. but the louder part of me that loves angst and hurting characters is rubbing its little fly hands together.
short version: i think Barnaby is going to emotionally distance from Wally, if not outright grow to resent him. maybe temporarily, maybe not.
full version: *cracks knuckles* strap in folks. so.
first of all, an entire chunk of Barnaby's bio is dedicated to his character relation to Wally. everyone else only has one-off lines dedicated to their relationships to other neighbors - even Frank & Julie just have single sentences about each other (note that they're described as "partnered with" and "depicted with" respectively. more on that soon). even Wally's bio has his Barnaby mention tacked onto the end of his first paragraph instead of being its own dedicated section
and then there's their character designs - their bios explicitly point out that they share characteristics; color schemes, hearts on their soles, similar outfits.
they were made to be best friends. literally. this quote is what made me start turning this theory over in my mind (sourced from @ /theneighborhoodwatch's collected & absolutely fascinating livestream trivia)
it appears that Barnaby literally did not have a say in whether or not he and Wally are friends. their bios even say "illustrated pages note that they were best friends multiple times." they have to be best friends.
which brings us back to Frank & Julie. they briefly reference each other in their bios, but they aren't described as best friends. it's incredibly likely that they were meant to be a romantic couple - i briefly covered that theory in this post (dont read the first one i was going insane) but they managed to avoid that. Frank and Julie defied the script and chose to be best friends instead.
and then in the trivia document a few more character relationships are briefly touched on, like how Howdy considers Barnaby a close friend, and Sally considers either Barnaby or Poppy as her closest friend, etc.
everyone else seems to be choosing who they're close with. they're forming their own opinions and dynamics and relationships. & its interesting that Barnaby is stated for both of these - as if implying that he may return the friendship feelings, or at the very least he's developed enough of a relationship with them to earn their affection
Barnaby and Wally... i doubt they ever got that. they were best friends from the start, no development, no choice. it's written into them.
and then there's how their relationship has been portrayed so far. i believe i saw an ask where Clown stated that Barnaby is very polite to Wally, which struck me as odd. have you ever had a polite relationship to your best friend? have you ever seen best friends be polite? i'd be surprised!
best friends mess with each other! they tease and rib and roast! what is a best friend for if not mutual tomfuckery?! jesting around? playfully pushing boundaries? a Polite best friendship... that's a straight up oxymoron. no such thing. that sounds boring and exhausting.
not only that, but the fact that Barnaby is often used for Wally's painting segments, and is the go-to guy for teaching Wally something new, is kind of concerning. it gives me the vibe that a big part of Barnaby's literal reason for existing is to be Wally's friend & guide.
which would make the fact of him being described as polite to Wally make sense. of course he's not going to push their relationship or try to deepen it - he's forming his own dynamics with the other neighbors. with Wally... it's already established. that is how they are with each other. that is what they are to each other.
and it's not like Wally can be the one to introduce nuances. i don't mean that as a slight or anything - he's just the way he's been described and the things stated about him that make me think that he wouldn't really... know how to? it just wouldn't occur to him. he probably thinks his and Barnaby's relationship is what a best friendship is and is how it should be.
but they have to hang out. they have to refer to each other as best friends. and while i believe that Wally does wholeheartedly think that they're best friends, close as can be... i doubt Barnaby feels the same. like - yes, he probably does care about Wally. everybody likes Wally.
but it's gotta be frustrating for Barnaby, especially as time goes on and he becomes more himself as a person over just being a character playing a part. it probably stunts his relationship growth with others, since his ~best friend spot~ is already taken and who would want to encroach on that? especially since its taken by Wally mcfuckin Darling?
their friendship might become less of a role and more of a responsibility. Barnaby might grow to feel obligated to stick with Wally as his "best friend". someone invites Barnaby to hang out and/or help with something? sorry, he has to pose for Wally's painting. Barnaby is trying to do his own thing? sorry, Wally is knocking on the door and asking for help with something.
i wonder if Barnaby ever hopes that Wally will go to someone else, or feels relief when he does. and then does he feel irritation/guilt over that denied hope or that granted relief? then does he get angry at himself for those emotions?
how would this effect how he treats Wally and acts around him? this confusing muddle of emotions and this strange growing resentment for his painfully earnest friend who only ever means well, if he means at all.
it makes me curious whether or not this theory has merit. and how this could come to a head. what would Barnaby, in this situation, do if/when he discovers that they're puppets on a set, and he's literally written to be Wally's bestie while everyone else changed their scripts and chose their own relationships.
personally, i don't think he'd be happy, and i doubt he'd handle it well.
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