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delugyu · 3 months ago

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cold, cursed city (part 1)

summary: You wish your best friend would just leave your budding relationship alone.

pairings: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader

word count: 25.1k

tags: angst, smut (MDNI), best friend and roommate!beomgyu, reader has a crush on soobin, chaewon is reader’s other bestie, so much possessiveness and jealousy, beomgyu is extremely clingy, manipulation, lying, arguments, a lot of crying, guilt

smut tags: multiple smut scenes lol (2 in this part), switch!gyu, switch!reader, guided & mutual masturbation, dry humping, praise, little bit of degradation, nipple play, very desperate gyu, fingering, overstimulation, oral (f rec), dacryphilia?, pet names (angel, pretty girl, baby, etc)

notes: finally releasing this monster from its prison cell (my google docs). been working on this for a month because whiny possessive best friend gyu has been haunting me every day… anyway i hope u guys enjoy, and lmk what u think!

You hated the walk back to your apartment in the winter. It’s always so cold, and certain paths are always so icy. But you have no choice, and you’re fortunate enough that your job is only a ten minute walk away. It’s snowing today, though, hard enough to make you take each step with caution.

The wind whips across your face, making you squint to protect your eyes. You make it all of two minutes before giving up and going into the nearest public establishment you walk by, which happens to be your city’s library. You catch your breath as soon as you enter the building, taking off your jacket and folding it in your arms. You walk around slowly, looking for a comfortable chair to rest on. It’s unsurprisingly very quiet in the building. All you can hear is people typing on keyboards and hushed conversations every now and then. Everyone looks busy here.

You find a secluded area in the back corner of the library with three lounge chairs. You rush to take a seat there, letting out a sigh of relief as you sink into it. It’s right next to a heater, too. The yellow lights are soft and warm above you. You look out the window, watching the snow rage on. Now that you’re able to see clearly, you notice how there’s a good four inches on the ground. There’s a few people passing by here and there, but the streets are mostly empty. Even the cars are few and far between.

You fish your phone out of the pocket of your abandoned jacket to call Beomgyu. He should probably know that you’ll be back later than usual. By the looks of it, you could be waiting in this library for another hour.

“Hiii,” he says. You can hear his smile in his voice, and it makes you light up.

“Hi Gyu. Did you see the storm outside?” you ask, voice hushed so as to not disturb anyone. You don’t think he had work today, so you wouldn’t be surprised if he stayed home all day, unaware of the weather.

“Yeah, we’re supposed to get six inches or something. Are you on your way back?”

You groan, “I was, but the wind is ridiculous right now. I had to take shelter in some library.”

He laughs at you. “Should I pick you up?”

“I don’t think you should be driving right now honestly,” you answer.

“It’s gonna get dark if you wait it out though,” he reasons. “I’ll pick you up, I don’t mind.” You hear the jingle of his car keys when he grabs them.

“No, don’t, you can just pick me up once all the roads are safe,” you offer instead. “You know you’re not a good enough driver to handle this weather.”

“Wow. I’m gonna drive through it just to prove I can now,” he says.

“Then the next time I see your face will be in some news article explaining the crash,” you snide.

“No, it’ll be an article about all the sick wheelies and 360s I did despite the storm.”

“Yeah right,” you laugh. “How are you even gonna do that with your shitbox?” You realize you’ve been talking a little loud when you see someone’s head whip over at you. You sink into your seat in mild embarrassment.

“I’m so good I could figure out a way to make this car fly.” You roll your eyes even though he can’t see it.

“Oh I’m sure,” you say. “Alright, I’ll call you back when you can pick me up. I’m just gonna chill here ‘til then.”

“Okay. Hope they plow the roads so my shitty driving doesn’t kill us,” he says, and you know he’s doing that stupid sarcastic pout.

“You’re such a drama queen,” you reply.

“You love it.”

“I guess I wouldn’t put up with it for so long if I didn’t.” You take another look out the window to check the weather. The wind calmed down a little, but not enough to go back out. Plus, you’re comfortable right now. “Well, I’ll see you, Gyu.”

“See ya.”

As soon as the call ends, you relax further into the lounge chair. Your posture is horrid, with your back being more on the seat than it is on the back of the chair, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Work was awful today: your boss scolded you about missing paperwork, a potential partnership with another company fell through, and your coworker wouldn’t stop talking about her family problems on your lunch break. Thank God tomorrow’s Friday.

You’re scrolling through Instagram when you notice a tall figure coming into your field of vision from over your phone screen. You look up and realize he’s coming closer to you. Your eyes widen for a second in panic, and you scramble to straighten your back out and look more presentable. You worry that perhaps this is a worker about to kick you out. Why? You don’t know. Maybe you’re about to find out.

You look innocently up at the man as he finishes crossing the few steps it takes to reach you. You try to ignore how cute he is. And tall. And sexy. And really, really tall—did you say tall? He’s so attractive and so your type.

“Hey, I’m sorry, could I sit here?” he ends up asking. He points to the chair furthest from you, since you took the right-most chair of the three. You’re a little stunned for a second, then you remember you have to talk.

“Yeah, of course,” you say, nodding quickly.

“Thank you. All the tables were taken,” he explains quietly, putting a bag down beside his chair.

“I know, it’s weird to see a library so full,” you say. He takes his laptop out of his bag and opens it on his lap. You think you might be watching him too closely, so you snap your head in another direction. There really is no empty table, you note as you look at all the people in the library.

“Normally it’s not. It must be because of the weather,” the man explains. You look back at him when he speaks, and a small smile finds its way onto your face when you see his bunny-like features. You’re never the type to ogle at someone like this, but he’s seriously so pretty. You can’t help it.

“I mean, I’m only in here because of the weather, so I believe it,” you say. The man smiles. You swoon.

“Makes sense. I’d remember if I’d seen you before.”

You tilt your head. “Why?”

The man looks down at his laptop, as if he can’t look you in the eye when he speaks next. “Ah, no reason. I-I’m normally good with faces.”

He’s adorable. You figure this is how you can pass time until the storm is over.

“So you come here a lot?” you ask. You hope you’re not annoying him with all the conversation, but he seems happy to respond.

“I do my work here pretty much every day. I like it better than doing it from my home,” he answers.

“Oh wow, you work remotely?”

“Yep, and I get to choose my hours too. It’s a perk of the job.” He starts typing something on his laptop. You watch his diligent fingers fly across the keyboard. He has big hands. Your head is reeling a little.

“I wish my job was like that,” you say. “Well, I’ll let you work now. I don’t want to distract you.” You relax back into your chair, not realizing how close you’ve been leaning in during the conversation.

“No, I honestly like the conversation! It makes the time go by faster,” he rushes to say. You perk back up and can’t control how you beam. You’d be lying if you said that wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear.

“I’ll make sure to keep talking in that case,” you giggle. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Soobin,” he introduces, looking into your eyes kindly.

You tell him your name. “Nice to meet you,” you say.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“So, what exactly do you do for work?” you ask. You’re surprised at how well he can focus on the conversation and on his work. It’s impossible for you to multitask like that.

“I do software engineering for an insurance company. We just finished a major project a couple days ago, so there’s not a ton to do for the rest of the week.”

“Damn, sounds like there’s money in that.”

He laughs, “I guess so.”

“My job’s a lot less interesting than that,” you start, going on to explain your position, then about the mess of today at work, and your conversation with Soobin flows from anything to everything until you remember that Beomgyu’s waiting to pick you up. You look out the window to monitor the weather. It looks like the snow has long since stopped. The streets are plowed, only illuminated by the streetlights since it’s gotten so dark. You find yourself disappointed to have to cut the evening so short.

“Are you leaving already?” Soobin asks.

“Yeah, my friend’s gonna pick me up.” When you unlock your phone, you find that Beomgyu’s already texted you a couple times. You also find that it’s been an hour and a half since you last called him. Holy shit, the time really did fly. You open his messages to read what he sent.

[Beomgyu] are u readyyyyy

[Beomgyu] ANSWER ME WHERED U GO

You call him, and he picks up after only the first ring.

“Finally,” he said. “You had me thinking you started going back on your own or something and died.”

“Pfft, you think so lowly of my survival skills,” you respond. “You should head out now before I lose any beauty sleep.”

“Oh, we can’t have that,” he jokes. You hear him grab his stuff and shut the door behind him. “I hate parallel parking so just wait for me in front of the building, I’ll pull up.”

“Okay. Thanks, Gyu~” you say sweetly.

“Mhm, see you,” he says.

“See you.”

The drive is only a few minutes. You should probably head out front now. You look back to Soobin.

“Hey, thanks for the conversation,” you say. “Made my shitty day a little better.”

“Same here,” Soobin agrees. He watches you put on your coat, getting ready to leave. You don’t think he has it in him to make the next move, so you do it instead.

“You know, it would be a shame if I had to leave right now without your number…” You blush as you say it, looking off meekly for just a second, then back to him to see him giggling. (You? Make him? Giggle? Fucking score!!!)

He motions for your phone with his hand. You can’t wipe the grin off your face as you open a new contact page. You watch him insert his information.

“Let’s meet again soon,” he suggests when he hands his phone back to you.

You nod. “I’ll be in contact,” you say and wave your phone in your hand. Perhaps you’ll be making more stops to the library now.

You seem to exit the library at the same time Beomgyu arrives. You get into his car quickly to avoid the cold weather, shivering once you enter the car.

“Why isn’t your heater on?” you ask, fiddling with the buttons on the dash to turn on the heat.

“My heater barely works. It won’t even kick in before we get back home,” he explains, shutting the heat off again. You make a face at him.

“Then drive, I’m freezing,” you insist.

“I’m on it boss.” He gives you a salute.

His music plays quietly in the background of the ride. He has a nice taste in music, the type fitting for night drives.

“What’d you do today?” you ask him.

“Play League,” he says. You laugh at him, and he looks away from the road for a second to smile at you. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Why do you always make me decide?” you complain.

“Cause I don’t know what I want.”

“I don’t know what you want either, you always reject my choices.”

It’s a short drive to your apartment complex, so you arrive quickly. You rush to get inside once Beomgyu’s car is parked. The moment you open the door to your apartment, you fall flat onto the couch. You don’t care how your face digs into the cushion, it just feels nice to alleviate the day’s stress.

Beomgyu follows behind not long after. “Damn, you ran here,” he remarks. He stays at the door for a minute, probably putting all his stuff away, before he approaches you. You feel him taking your boots off your feet, which you forgot to do in your haste.

“Thanks,” you murmur into the couch cushion.

“You’re welcome.” He leaves you for a moment to put your shoes on the shoe rack by the door. When he comes back to you, he’s sliding your jacket off your arms. He folds it sloppily and plops it on the coffee table.

You turn your head so it’s facing him instead of being pressed into the couch. “What’d you decide for dinner?” you ask him.

He laughs. “Wasn’t that your job?”

“No.” You sit up with great effort. He sits on the other side of the couch and extends his legs out. You freak out when he rests his feet on you. “Nasty!!”

“I got socks on!” he exclaims in defense. You slap his feet away until he gives up and tucks his legs into his body.

“What time is it?” you ask.

Beomgyu checks his phone. “Seven.”

“I’m too tired to cook anything,” you say.

“I think we have leftovers we can just heat up,” he says, then gets up to look in the fridge and make sure. He holds a container out to you. “You want?”

Looks good enough. “Yeah,” you answer. He closes the fridge and grabs two plates.

“I’m so nice, cooking for you,” he says, portioning the food between your plates. “How long do I nuke it for?”

“Try two minutes.”

The rest of the night follows like any other: you eat dinner with Beomgyu, you watch a little TV, you get ready for bed, then you sleep. You hope a certain tall, attractive man visits you in your dreams tonight.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

When you walk back home from work the next day, it’s considerably better in terms of weather. Your eyes linger on the library as you pass it by, and your hand twitches around your phone. Soobin still hasn’t texted you. You’re a little disappointed, honestly. Every notification you received throughout the day made you light up, thinking it might be him. You might just put your pride aside and text him yourself at this point. You even think about walking back and waiting in the library for him, but then you’d just look weird.

When you get back home, Beomgyu isn’t there. His work schedule is so inconsistent, you never know when to expect him. He’s not a 9-5 worker like you, so you suppose that’s where the difference in flexibility comes in.

You lean against the kitchen counter and find Soobin’s contact on your phone. You open a new conversation with him, excited to talk again. You don’t think too much about your messages before you send them.

Hiiii

It’s the girl from the library

You shut your phone off after, not expecting an answer for a while. You turn on your playlist and busy yourself with getting undressed, wiping off your makeup, and showering. You go back to the kitchen once you’re finished to figure out what you’re gonna make yourself for dinner. As you’re gathering a list of ingredients in your head, your phone vibrates on the counter. You grin as you rush to look at the messages, making sure not to open the chat immediately though.

[Soobin] Hi! I’m glad you didn’t forget about me

You find yourself giggling at the message. You’ll respond in a few minutes, not wanting to seem desperate by opening it right away. You pass the time by taking out some ingredients for the meal you’ll make tonight. As you wait for your veggies to steam, you decide that now you can answer Soobin.

Forget you? How could I?

Hehehe

Wyd??

You’re in a very chipper mood, swaying around as you stir your vegetables and decide they’ve softened enough. You hum the tune of a song while you add noodles into a pot of boiling water. Your phone buzzes when you’re in the middle of making the sauce, so you try to hasten your movements. You finish pouring everything in, giving it a quick stir and making sure the heat is on low before running to your phone.

[Soobin] Drinking and watching TV lol

[Soobin] How about you?

You take a picture of your stovetop, sending your work in progress to him.

Working on my culinary creations

You’re done making your meal when he replies to that.

[Soobin] Looks yummy

You laugh and open your camera, taking a picture to send of the plated meal. You type your response immediately, not caring about waiting a few minutes between anymore.

Tastes decent

It seems he doesn’t care to wait to respond to you either, cause his next text is immediate.

[Soobin] Woah five stars

Your conversation fizzles out not long after, but you feel satisfied with it. Even as you clean your dishes, your smile doesn’t leave your face. You almost forgot how exciting it is to have a crush.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The next time you see Soobin is Monday after work at the library. You offered to hang out with him as he works, and he seemed more than happy to accept. He even asked for your coffee order so that he could bring you a cup. You need the caffeine after such a tiring day at work, you don’t care if it keeps you up until midnight. The coffee’s still hot, but not scalding, when you arrive. You take a seat in the same chair you sat in when you first met.

“Thank you for the coffee,” you say, using the disposable cup to warm your hands. Your face still burns from how cold the walk here was.

“Of course,” he replies. “How was work today?”

You shrug. “Not much to do. I almost fell asleep at my desk. What’s on your agenda for the day?”

You pretend to understand the techy language he spews back at you when he answers. You take a sip of your coffee, humming in appreciation at the taste.

“Where do you get your coffee from? This place does it so good,” you ask, trying to look at the cup for a logo.

“Actually, I get it from a cat cafe near where I live,” he answers. You gasp and look at him in awe.

“What?! Is it new? How have I never heard of it?” You always wanted to go to a cat cafe. Their delicious coffee is just a bonus.

“I don’t think it’s new, but it’s kind of secluded, and the sign is small, so it’s easy to miss.”

“You have to bring me sometime,” you insist.

“Noted,” he laughs.

It gets quiet when Soobin starts focusing on his work, which you don’t mind. You look around the library, taking in the atmosphere. Soobin was right, there are way less people here today than there were on the night of the storm. The library is warm and nice and never loses power, so it’s not a bad place to turn to, you suppose.

You turn on your phone and find a text notification from Beomgyu. You open it.

[Beomgyu] are u on ur way back

You usually tell him when you won’t be back after work, but you guess you forgot to this time. It’s reasonable for him to ask, since you’d be back home by now on a regular day. You explain yourself in a text message back.

No lol

I’m out with somebody rn

I’ll be back for dinner

[Beomgyu] nooo don’t make me cook

You snicker at his response.

Okay I’ll pick up something on my way back

[Beomgyu] muahahaha yessss

[Beomgyu] who are u with?

You think for a moment on how to answer the question. You don’t want to tell Beomgyu about a guy you’re only just starting to see. He’ll flood you with questions that you don’t want to deal with if this ends up going nowhere.

A friend you don’t know lol

You put your phone down when Soobin starts talking to you again. It’s so easy to sink into conversation with him. You find yourself asking most of the questions, liking his eagerness to explain little things about himself. You talk about yourself here and there too.

Time flies yet again, and you realize that you should be heading back home now. You remember promising Beomgyu to pick up dinner on the way back, but you’re not sure where to go. You look over at Soobin.

“Do you know any good spots for food nearby? I still gotta grab dinner,” you ask.

“Yeah, there’s a restaurant that does really good fried chicken, it’s not too far from here,” he answers, then tells you the name of the place. You commit it to memory. You’re about to thank him before he starts up again, “I’ll come with you. I haven't eaten much today.” He starts logging off and shutting down his laptop. You’re so excited at the prospect that you don’t turn him down, even though it means Beomgyu will have to wait a little longer for his food.

The walk to the restaurant is quick and filled with small talk. You get him to laugh hard at one of your jokes, and it feels better than scratching a winning ticket. At the restaurant, you sit across from him in a comfortable booth.

“This one is really good,” Soobin says, pointing to one of the options on the menu. You purse your lips and nod.

“Sounds interesting,” you say. “Normally I go for spicy chicken though.”

“The sauce is so good on it. At least try some of mine,” he insists.

The waiter comes and you order your food. As you wait for it to arrive, you figure you should ask Beomgyu what he wants from here. You send him the link to the menu online.

Lmk what you want

[Beomgyu] omgggg that place looks so good

You feel even happier with your choice to go here now. Hopefully Beomgyu won’t feel bad that you ate without him. You don’t linger on the worry, though, not when Soobin starts telling you about how his first job was at a restaurant that reminds him of this one. You lean into your palm, staring at his handsome face with a dopey smile. Maybe it’s just you, but today just feels like more proof that there’s a lot of potential between you two.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Visiting Soobin at the library becomes a common post-work habit for you. You see him another three times in the next week. There’s something about him that won’t let your heart sit still, fluttering at each little thought of the man.

Your coworkers noticed you had some more pep in your step, and you wonder if having a crush is really giving you a glow. You were just excited to get out of work and go to the library. Even Beomgyu says something when you get back home.

“Someone looks happy,” he says from the couch as you walk into your apartment. You didn’t notice how hard you were still cheesing until he mentioned it. You take off your shoes and jacket.

“Maybe a little,” you giggle. Beomgyu follows you when you walk into your room. It’s normal for him to accompany you while you get unready. He sits on your bed, and you sit at your vanity.

“What are you so smiley for?” he asks. You guess your happiness is contagious, cause when you look at him through your mirror, he’s smiling too.

“Oh, nothing…” you say, building up the anticipation. Truthfully, ever since you left Soobin today, you were planning on how you should tell Beomgyu about him. You’re excited; you haven’t had a real relationship since high school, and you feel it coming up on you now. Any day now, you’ll get the courage to ask him out. Everything has been friendly so far, but you can feel the undertone of romance behind it all.

“What? Tell me!” he exclaims. He walks over to you, standing right by you as you clean your face. “Did you get a promotion?”

You laugh, “I wish.”

“Then what?” he asks. “Is it your new friend?” You shrug and sigh girlishly. You see his smile falter a little in the mirror.

He stops guessing and just watches you take off your makeup. He stays stood next to you, entertaining himself with the little trinkets on your vanity. His silence is a little weird, but you don’t break it with conversation either.

You finish taking care of your face and get up to pull some comfier clothes from your dresser. You throw them on your bed and look over at Beomgyu. He takes the hint and turns to the wall so that you can take off your work clothes.

“Did you see the group chat?” he asks as you slide a loose shirt on. You hum in confirmation. Your friend group is planning to go out together to a nice bar tomorrow night. You even mentioned it to Soobin, gauging his reaction to see if he’d potentially come. “Did you wanna go?”

Something in your heart urges you to spill your secret now. You want to try to sound casual about it, even though you feel like you could talk on and on about Soobin. You don’t let yourself pause too long, deciding to just speak without thinking too much about it.

“Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll invite the guy I’ve been talking to recently,” you say. You’re not prepared for how Beomgyu whips his head around and looks at you like you said something insane. You finish pulling up your sweatpants quickly, but you don’t think he even notices.

“What?! What guy you’re talking to?” he asks, and you’re taken aback by how appalled he sounds.

You put your hands up. “Woah. Chill.”

“No. What are you talking about??” he pushes.

“I’ve already been talking to him for like, two weeks, it’s fine.” You figure he must be upset because he’s cautious of you being with men you barely know. That’s fair, you’re weary when your girl friends bring up new men sometimes too.

He’s quiet for a moment, and you think he’s dropped the case until he starts back up, “Is this the same person you’ve been seeing after work?”

“Yeah, he’s a really nice guy,” you answer.

“You said you were with a friend.” There’s something accusatory in his voice. You tense up as defensiveness flows through you.

“Because I was?” you say incredulously.

“Don’t tell me that’s why you came home so smitten today. I had a feeling.” He looks at you like he’s disgusted, but you can’t figure out why. It’s not like you did something wrong.

“You’re not happy for me?” you ask. He looks away and huffs out a laugh. His arms are crossed over his chest, and you’re baffled as to why he’s taking so much offense to this.

“No, I don’t know this guy,” he says.

“That’s why I’d be bringing him tomorrow.”

“Why? It’s just supposed to be us.” You sit on your bed, and he doesn’t follow. He doesn’t even move from the spot he’s standing.

“Just give him a chance. I think you guys could be friends,” you suggest.

“Fat fucking chance. No way,” he refuses. Now you’re getting upset, cause why the hell can’t he at least try to hang out with the guy you just said you’re interested in? As your best friend, he should be in full support of you finding love.

“Well, I’ll talk to the others about it and see what they think.” You pull your blankets up and go on your phone, not paying Beomgyu any more attention. You hear him scoff and leave the room.

You lay on your side and replay the argument in your head. Did you bring it up wrong? Maybe you introduced the idea at the wrong moment. Maybe Beomgyu had a bad day, and he’s just lashing out at you. He never does that though, why would he start now? You’re so frustrated. You wish you knew why Beomgyu cares so much.

Whenever you see him with girls, you don’t make a big deal. You help him with what little gestures to do to make her feel special. You always give him advice. His relationships never last, though, and he hasn’t seen anyone since you two moved together over a year ago.

Throughout the three years you and Beomgyu have been friends, you haven’t dated a single person. You guess you were wrong to assume that he’d be happy to see you finally do so. Did he want you to tell him sooner? It’s only been a couple weeks, though. That’s pretty soon.

You regret saying anything now. Beomgyu might not even go to the get-together if you ruined his mood that much. Maybe you shouldn’t go. All your friends might get pissed at you the way Beomgyu did. You don’t know what the right way is to introduce Soobin.

You throw an arm over your eyes and scowl at yourself. Why are you wallowing in self-pity? Beomgyu had no right to react like that! He forgets that you can do whatever you want with your life!

The smaller voice in your head reminds you that Beomgyu has always been a good friend to you. He rarely gets upset at you, and whenever he has, he was within his right. But this time? Really? Was it justified? You almost groan in frustration. You don’t know. All you know is that you’re in dire need of talking to another girl now. You unlock your phone and open your chat with Chaewon.

Heyyy you’re going to the bar with us tomorrow right??

[Chaewon] YES!!!!

You smile at her response. You love her bubbliness. It’s impossible to feel sad when you’re talking to her.

Thank god

We should get ready together at your place

I’ll just head there right after work

You hope she takes up your offer. It would be a huge stress relief for you. It would also be a good time to gauge her reaction on Soobin, as well as her thoughts on Beomgyu’s reaction. Debriefing life—even the bad moments—is never dull with her. It’s like she always knows what to say, and she’s always got what you need to hear.

A smaller part of this is motivated by the urge to avoid another argument with Beomgyu tomorrow. If he ends up coming, great. If he doesn’t, hopefully it won’t weigh on your mind so much. You don’t want to ruin your mood right before hanging out with all your friends.

[Chaewon] Omg yes please

[Chaewon] I have the cutest dress for you

You giggle and kick your feet in the air. Maybe you should ditch Soobin and let Chaewon carry you on her arm tomorrow night instead. She’s your hero right now.

I literally love you

[Chaewon] I LOVE YOU MORE

[Chaewon] IM SO EXCITED

ME TOO!!!!

Your shoulders feel less heavy after that. You shut your phone off and let out a sigh of relief. You find yourself excited for tomorrow to come now.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Luckily for you, your work day passes quickly. You speed walk the whole way to Chaewon’s place, not wanting to waste a single moment. You’re excited for tonight, thankful that everyone said they’d be able to come. You try to push back the worry that Beomgyu might not go.

You’re out of breath when you knock on Chaewon’s door. She doesn’t leave you waiting long, swinging it open with a squeal and hugging you immediately.

“How are you?” she asks as she ushers you in and shuts the door. She takes your jacket for you as you slide off your shoes. She hangs it on a cute little coat rack.

“I’m good now that I’m with you!” you say, beaming. She takes your hand and drags you to her bedroom.

“Let’s not waste any time, we gotta look hot before the hour’s up!” In her bedroom, she already has two small bins of makeup products on the floor. She gives you her makeup mirror and uses a smaller handheld one for herself.

“Oh, I already did my makeup,” you say, trying to hand the mirror back to her. She raises an eyebrow at you.

“You mean your work makeup?”

“What’s wrong with it?” you ask, looking in the mirror to check it. Looks fine to you.

“It’s cute, but it’s so modest. You need to look sexy,” she responds. You nod and point at her like she made a great argument.

“You’re right, let me see what you got in these,” you say as you dig through her bins. You pull out the palettes and glosses that intrigue you. She also picks some products out for you, telling you how good they’d look on you. You grab a few of your own products from your purse.

As you both start applying, you think back to Soobin. You wonder how he’ll react seeing you in non-work attire. You bite back a smile at the thought. You still have to ask Chaewon about bringing him, though. You hope that Soobin kept his schedule free for this, but also that he won’t be disappointed if you don’t end up inviting him in the case that Chaewon thinks you shouldn’t.

“I got a surprise announcement,” you start, immediately grabbing Chaewon’s attention. She looks at you with wide eyes.

“I’m scared. Please don’t be pregnant,” she says.

“Well, there’s this guy…” You can’t even finish your sentence before Chaewon starts screaming. You burst out laughing, and she smacks the ground in amusement.

“Okay, okay, tell me more,” she pries once she calms down.

“His name is Soobin. He’s really cute, but also so hot. Like, Chaewon. I swear. I was drooling when I first saw him.” Her jaw is dropped open as she hears that.

“How'd you meet?” she asks.

“We met at the library a week ago and have been talking every day since,” you explain. “And girl… he does tech for an insurance company. That sounds like money to me.”

“Bring me to his mansion when you get married,” she jokes.

“Oh for sure. Imagine though,” you say.

“That’s so good for you. I could actually cry for you. You needed this.”

“Right?! See, at least you get it.”

“I mean, who wouldn’t? He sounds so good.” You pause doing your makeup to give her a pointed look. You emit an exaggerated groan and lean your head back.

“Don’t get me started,” you say.

“Well now I have to hear.”

“When I brought it up to Beomgyu, he completely freaked out. I mentioned bringing Soobin with me tonight and he just lost it.”

Chaewon scoffs. “Screw him, I wanna meet the guy! Who cares what Beomgyu thinks?!”

“I care, I don’t want him to be pissed at me,” you say, and Chaewon frowns.

“He’s just mad cause you’ll be getting it and he’ll be watching from the sidelines,” she says. You push at her shoulder and she laughs.

“You should try to set him up with someone so he gets off my ass,” you suggest, only half-joking.

“As if he’ll ever look at someone besides you.” You tilt your head upon hearing that response, not knowing what she means. She senses your confusion and continues, “I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

You rush to deny the claim, but your heart picks up in some weird sense of panic and shock. “That’s not it at all,” you say. You shake your hand frantically in denial.

“Keep telling yourself that. Why else would he freak out like that?” she asks.

“Oh my gosh… I’m not even hearing this one out,” you dismiss, locking this conversation away to never think about it again. “So, you think I should tell Soobin to come?”

“Yes! One million percent. I have got to see this handsome stranger,” she answers.

“Okay, I’ll text him once I’m done with this.”

“I haven’t been this excited in so long!” Chaewon squeals. Honestly? You either.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The moment you find your friends’ table at the bar, you notice Beomgyu’s absence. Your heart sits heavy in your chest upon realizing that. Chaewon grabs your hand, and you wonder if you were wearing your guilt on your face. Her reminded presence is reassuring. You sit next to her at the table and greet all your friends.

“Did anyone pregame?” Aeri asks. “Cause I totally did.”

“Girl, I hope you Ubered here then,” Chaewon says.

“I drank a little, but only enough to feel a buzz,” Julie answers.

“Ayy,” Aeri cheers while high-fiving Julie.

“Meanwhile we were too busy scrambling into these dresses to think about drinking,” you say, pointing between yourself and Chaewon.

“You look hot, it was worth it,” Julie says.

“Is Beomgyu not coming?” Yeonjun asks, looking at you.

“I’m not sure. I thought he was,” you answer.

“He better,” Julie says. “The whole group hasn’t gotten together in so long!”

“Speaking of, there’s gonna be an addition to the group tonight,” Chaewon announces, shimmying her shoulders and looking at you. You roll your eyes at her with a fond smile.

“I asked this guy I’m seeing to come by tonight,” you inform, and the table erupts at the news.

“When’s he coming? I’ll give you my brutally honest opinion after seeing him,” Aeri says.

“Oh, you’ll love him,” you say. “Don’t flirt too hard, I can’t have you stealing him from me.”

“So a little flirting is okay?” she jokes. You lean over the table to swat her shoulder.

“He kinda gives shy vibes, so don’t be surprised if he’s not as energetic as us,” you say.

“Let’s just get him super drunk then,” Yeonjun suggests. The table bursts into a chorus of ‘yeahhhh’s.

“Oh hey, look who came,” Chaewon says, putting a hand on your shoulder and pointing her chin to Beomgyu walking towards your table. You hope your smile doesn’t look forced and awkward, but it feels it as he comes closer. Your eyes dart from Chaewon, to your other friends, to your hands on the table, then back to Beomgyu. Your heart pounds in fear that Beomgyu might still be mad at you. He wouldn’t come if he was that upset still, right?

He sits next to Yeonjun, and you’re holding your breath as you gauge the look on his face. He looks… happy. You release your breath slowly. He holds no anger in his eyes when he meets your gaze. A weight lifts from your shoulders.

Yeonjun slaps a hand onto Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Finally!” he exclaims.

“Hey, you think I’d miss a chance to drink with you guys?” Beomgyu responds.

“Okay, let’s get started. Should we each just open our own tab?” Julie asks.

“Yeah, that works,” you answer.

“Wait, I have no money, who wants to be my sugar mommy for the night,” Aeri says.

“You can put yours on mine,” Chaewon offers. Aeri wraps her arms around her for a quick hug in thanks.

“I will pay you back in double when I get my next paycheck,” Aeri promises.

“Ahh come on, don’t worry about that, let’s just have fun,” she responds. Chaewon pulls you up with her to go over to the bartender. Aeri follows along with the two of you. The other three probably split off on their own to figure out their orders.

The three of you take a shot for good luck first, then you work on your own drinks. You’re all giggling as you head back to your table with your drinks. Beomgyu and Yeonjun are back with their own beers, and Julie is nowhere to be seen.

“You think Julie’s drunk already?” Aeri asks the table.

“Oh, she’s been drunk. When she says she’s a little buzzed, that means she’s fucking wasted,” Chaewon says. Everyone laughs because it’s true.

You don’t know how much time passes where you guys just catch up on life and joke around, but at some point you feel your phone vibrate from a text notification. It’s Soobin.

[Soobin] I’ll be there in a minute! Please wait for me at the front so I can find you

“Guys, I gotta go grab Soobin, I’ll be right back,” you say. Everyone’s still caught up in conversation and doesn’t pay much mind to your announcement—everyone except Beomgyu. His eyebrows are upturned, eyes wide as they follow you when you stand.

You pat his head. “I’ll be back,” you reassure.

You don’t wait long by the bar door. Soobin finds you as soon as he walks in, greeting you with a hug. It takes your breath away for a second. It’s fleeting, and it’s over before you know it, but it makes your heart race.

“How have you been?” he asks. You’re standing so close that you have to bend your neck to look up at him.

“Good, better now that you’re here,” you say. He turns his head away to laugh. It’s unbearably cute. You have to stop yourself from squeezing his face in your hands.

“Do your friends know I’m coming?”

“Of course,” you answer. “They can’t wait.”

“Oh gosh,” he says, following you as you lead him to your table. It seems like Julie came back in the time you were gone, cause everyone’s there when you get back. All the girls squeal upon seeing Soobin. You give them a knowing grin.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Yeonjun greets. “Sit, sit.” He motions to the chairs on the opposite side of the table from him. You sit next to Julie, and Soobin sits next to you. Right across from you is Beomgyu. You tighten your lips when you see him looking off as if uninterested. You pray he can be amicable.

“Yeah, so, this is the boy,” you say.

“I’m Soobin,” he introduces with an air of awkwardness. It endears you.

The next few minutes are filled with your friends getting to know Soobin. They make good conversation, and Soobin responds well. Yeonjun even grabs a drink for Soobin at some point—“Be careful, he’s got plans to get you super drunk,” Julie joked—and it seems to loosen him up a bit. You just can’t help but notice how quiet Beomgyu is, though.

“I’m gonna grab another drink,” you announce, patting Soobin’s back as you get up.

You seat yourself on a barstool, tapping your fingers against the bar as you wait for the bartender to come to you. You hum along to the song playing.

“Hello again,” the bartender greets. You shoot your head up and smile. “Same as before?” You’re surprised he remembers your order when there’s so many people here tonight. You guess he’s just good at his job.

“Yes, please,” you say. You go back to humming and tapping to the beat of whatever song the bar is playing. You look back at your table for a second. Everyone looks like they’re enjoying themselves. It makes you happy to see your friends get along with Soobin.

You check your phone for any important messages, but all you received was a bunch of meaningless notifications from various apps. You shove your phone into your purse so you stop looking at it. You’re here to socialize.

A hand lands on your shoulder, prompting you to look back. You were expecting it to be Soobin, but you’re not surprised when you see that it’s Beomgyu. You give him a smile as he takes the stool next to you. You look back at the bartender, and Beomgyu looks behind the two of you at the rest of the people here. Beomgyu’s arm stays slumped around you.

When your drink is handed off to you, you turn your full attention to your friend. “What’s up?” you ask. You swivel your seat so you can face him directly, forcing his arm off you. He leans into the bar, getting—probably too—comfortable.

“I just wanted to see you,” he answers.

“How’s your night going?” You take a sip of your drink, licking your lips after. His eyes follow the movement.

“Alright, I guess,” he says. He looks out to the crowd again.

“You should go dance,” you suggest.

He shakes his head. “I only like dancing with you.”

“Isn’t that sweet,” you tease. He matches your smile before stealing your drink and taking a sip from it. “Oh my god, you and your big ass gulps, all the time,” you reprimand jokingly.

“I barely drank any of it,” he defends with a pout. You laugh and pat his head to summon his lips back upward. It works immediately, of course.

“How’s everyone doing at the table?” you ask.

He shrugs. “They’re having a good time. Soobin talks a lot.” Soobin wasn’t talking that much when you were at the table, so you’re surprised to hear that. Maybe the alcohol started really coursing through his system in the short time you were gone.

“That’s good,” you respond.

“Are you going home with him?” he asks, looking at you with big round eyes. Usually Beomgyu mellows down and laughs a lot when he drinks, but this time he’s a little different.

“With Soobin?” you clarify. He nods. “Probably not. I don’t think so.”

“Good,” Beomgyu says quickly. You laugh.

“Why good?”

“Don’t want him stealing you from me.”

“You’re such a child,” you chuckle. He holds your hand over the table when you let go of your glass. It’s not abnormal for him to be touchy with you, so you don’t question it. He brings your interlocked hands up to his face and leans into them. His face feels warm on the back of your hand.

“Let me know when you wanna head to ours,” Beomgyu says. He’s being cute right now, you can’t help it when you let go of his hand so you can poke his nose. He beams at you.

“Let’s go back to the table,” you say, grabbing your drink and getting out of your seat.

“No, stay here with me.” He’s so needy. You look him up and down, assessing him.

“How much did you drink?” you ask. You swear he only had a couple beers. He ushers you back into your seat with a gentle hand on your hip. “Gyu, I can’t just leave Soobin for the rest of the night.”

“He’s having fun. Don’t mind him.”

“I brought him here though,” you reason.

He sighs, and his eyes lose their sparkle. He turns his head so he’s not facing you anymore. “Fine,” he says.

“You can’t seriously be upset with me for this?”

He still doesn’t look at you. “I’m not.”

You bite your tongue and decide to leave it at that, even though you know he’s lying. He’s jealous for no reason; it’s not like you’re going to abandon your best friend all because you might have a man in your life. Soobin and you aren’t even anything more than friends right now. You wish you could talk some sense into him, but you don’t want to do that in public.

Beomgyu will wallow alone for the rest of the night if you leave him now. The choice is on you: abandon Soobin at the table, or abandon Beomgyu right here. It’s not like there’s a correct option.

You look at your table. Soobin’s intently listening to Yeonjun as he rambles on about something, while the girls seem to be in a conversation of their own. Does Soobin need you right now? He seems like he’s holding his own. Your eyes fall back to the boy that definitely does.

“Beomgyu,” you call, shaking his shoulder so he’ll look at you. He does. “Let’s go home.” His smile returns immediately.

You already start thinking of what excuse you’ll text Soobin later.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You wake up feeling suffocated by both the tight dress you’re still wearing and by half of Beomgyu’s body weight being sprawled on top of you. Curse him for insisting on watching a movie with you last night—not only is he crushing you now, but your laptop fell off the bed sometime during the night. He better pray it survived the landing. Neither of you even finished the damn movie.

You push him off of you, not caring how hard you do it because of how much of a heavy sleeper he is after he drinks. You sit up and look at yourself in your mirror. Your makeup’s a little smudged, but you don’t look totally crazy. You let yourself wake up for a minute more before sliding off the bed to check on your laptop. The screen lights up with the title card of the movie you watched. Phew. You close the device and stuff it back in the drawer of your nightstand.

You change into comfier clothes and wipe away the mess on your face. You carry on with your morning routine as usual, then lounge on the couch as you wait for Beomgyu to wake up.

The first thing you see on your phone is Soobin’s response to your text from last night. You ended up telling him that Beomgyu wasn’t feeling well, and you had to take him home. That’s not a lie, is it? Beomgyu was definitely not going to be okay if you carried on the night without him. You shake the thought and open Soobin’s text.

[Soobin] Don’t worry about it :) I had a feeling something happened

You didn’t doubt that he’d be understanding. He really is a good person.

You pass the day alongside Beomgyu once he wakes up, hanging with him in his room for most of the day. He plays his games while you go on your phone. You make dinner for the two of you, and Beomgyu cleans the dishes.

You watch him scrub at your plates from your spot at the table. You want to ask him about Soobin, but you’re nervous about him reacting poorly. You don’t want to argue again.

Beomgyu couldn’t be that immature about it though, right? If you just ask him for his opinion on Soobin, it’s not like he can really take offense to that. You’re genuinely curious, and you obviously want his approval on the guy you’re talking to. You bite the bullet and just go for it.

“So, what’d you think of Soobin?” you ask. You’re eager to hear his review, albeit a little nervous. He gives a short laugh in distaste, and your brows scrunch in confusion. “Did you not like him?”

He shuts off the sink and dries his hands after cleaning the last dish, then leans his back on the counter and stares at you with an unreadable expression, which is weird because you can normally tell exactly what he’s thinking.

When he finally responds, his face is just as indecipherable. “I don’t think he’s the right guy for you.”

“Why?” You’re genuinely curious. Maybe you’re wearing rose-tinted glasses, and Beomgyu could see something that you couldn’t.

He sighs, “He was just… giving me bad vibes.”

“How come?” you ask.

“Just a feeling,” he explains. You groan. What a non-answer.

“Well, I think he’s super charming.” He scrunches up his face like you said something disgusting. “Stop being like that,” you scold.

“I can’t help it. It’s gross,” he says.

“Yeah okay. I didn’t say it was gross when I was helping you get a new girl every week,” you mention.

“That was years ago!” Beomgyu whines.

“Still happened.”

“That’s not a fair comparison,” he complains. “And it wasn’t every week.”

“So it’s wrong when I find one guy I like and want to be with?” you question. He groans and crosses his arms.

“Why do you even need a boyfriend right now?” he retorts. “What’s wrong with what we have?”

You pause. What the hell is he on about? Having a friend is very different from having a boyfriend. He’s completely serious, too; his face is stone.

“Um, nothing? I don’t know what that has to do with this…” you answer, unsure. He sighs and makes his way over to you, but never gives you a response.

He picks up your hand and helps you out of your chair. Is this seriously where he’s gonna end the conversation? No, you want a real answer. You’re only being left with more and more questions.

“Don’t bring me back to your room, I want to talk about this,” you say.

“There’s no point,” he responds. He might be right, but you still want to know why he’s acting like this. You take your hand back from his grasp.

“Why don’t you like Soobin?” you ask, more demanding now. You harden your stare on him, but he’s not budging. You cross your arms as you wait for an answer. “Well?”

“Why does the reason matter so much?” he asks back.

“Beomgyu, what the fuck are you saying? Why are you being so secretive?” Anger starts filling your words, you can’t help it. It’s not fair for him to shit on Soobin nonstop without telling you why. If something happened that made him form this opinion, then you want to know.

“Calm down,” he says, and it only serves to upset you further. Before you can bark at him, he continues, “I just don’t think you need to be seeing anyone right now.”

“Why?” you demand.

“Cause you have me!” he exclaims like it’s obvious.

“That’s different!”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he says. You tilt your head and look at him incredulously.

“What does that even mean?” you groan.

“What do you want from him? I can give it to you instead,” he pleads. Something’s changing in the air of this conversation, something you’ve been pushing to the back of your mind for your own sanity. Chaewon’s words from yesterday rattle in the cage you mentally locked them in. You push them back, not letting them escape. That’s an impossible and crazy thought.

“Stuff that best friends don’t do with each other,” you answer plainly.

“Why not? We can. Nothing has to change,” he says.

Your head is spinning and you want to sit down. You rub your temples and close your eyes. Everything in your mind is flying by too fast for you to make sense of it. Beomgyu holds one of your shoulders, and you back away instantly.

“I think I’m gonna spend the night at Chaewon’s,” you say, defeated. You feel a serious headache coming on.

“Don’t, please,” he begs. “I’ll talk, I promise.” His eyes are watery now, and it only fuels your stress more. How did you manage to make him cry? What is going on?

“I need to collect my thoughts.” You just want to get out of this now. Beomgyu was right: this conversation was pointless. Now you’re left with more confusion than you know how to deal with.

He quickly gets on his knees in front of you, big eyes pleading to you, hands clasped over his heart. He’s going too far for this right now.

“What is wrong with you?!” you exclaim, half-frightened at the sight of your best friend acting so different in front of you. “What in the world has gotten into you?!”

You try backing away, but he wails immediately and stops you. “No!” he yelps, clinging onto your legs to keep you from moving any further. He leans his tear-soaked face onto your thigh. His skin is warm against yours, and you suddenly regret wearing such tiny shorts. You try moving away again, but your back hits the kitchen counter, and you realize you’re cornered.

“I was here first,” Beomgyu says with conviction, like that justifies his whole argument, like you’ll stop seeing Soobin just because of that.

“Can we talk about this like adults?” you ask. He looks up at you with those watery wide eyes, and you can’t help but feel your heart ache a little. You soothe him with your touch, running a hand through his hair and down his face, collecting his tears. He leans into your touch and wears the most pitiful frown you’ve ever seen.

“Please,” he begs quietly. “You don’t need anyone else, you have me.”

“Gyu, get up,” you say, trying to keep your voice authoritative but gentle.

He doesn’t, of course. “Tell me what to do,” he insists instead.

“I just did.”

He scowls at that and nips at the flesh of your thigh. You jolt in surprise and pull his head back by his hair. He winces in pain for a second, then looks up at you like a puppy.

“Behave,” you warn, and he smiles like he’s getting what he wants.

“I will, I’ll be good, tell me what to do,” he pleads again. He looks delirious off of this. It twists your stomach and makes you release your hold on his hair. He immediately goes back to your thighs, licking a short stripe up it, reaching the hem of your shorts. You gasp as your legs twitch, and he looks up at you with a grin.

“I can’t be doing this,” you say, and Beomgyu rolls his eyes in annoyance. You get another nip to the thigh, harsher this time. “Enough with that,” you tell him, swatting at his head.

“So you get a boyfriend and suddenly I can’t be close to you anymore?” he spits bitterly, angrier now. He stands back up, crowding you with his proximity. You hate how you immediately feel like you have less power. A part of you wants him back on his knees.

“We are still close.”

He scoffs at that. “Yeah right. It’ll be different now and you know it.”

“Well now it’s gonna different, since you put on that whole fucking show!” you argue, swinging an arm out in disbelief.

His brows are drawn together, and he looks at you furiously. “I can’t just sit back and watch another man have you in whatever way he pleases.”

“We’re friends, Beomgyu! That’s it!” you exclaim. You don’t bother correcting his assumption about Soobin ‘having’ you. “No amount of confessions is gonna erase Soobin from my life just like that.”

He clenches his jaw and stares at you silently for a few long seconds. The tension is so palpable and thick, you don’t even dare to breathe. He grabs your wrist and brings you down the hall, into your room. He lays you on your bed with a gentleness that doesn’t match the anger on his face. You know where this is going, you’re not stupid. You should stop this. You need to stop this.

Words get caught in your throat. You should speak, you should yell at him. You should shove him away and put him in his place. This is too far, too much.

You don’t stop him when he crawls onto the bed with you. You don’t stop him when you see the hunger in his eyes as he scans your frame. You wouldn’t stop him no matter what he does right now, your guilty conscience snides.

Your core clenches when Beomgyu brings himself down to hover over you. He remains wordless, just examining your every feature. You’re scared you’ll give away too much and let him in on your desire, but a darker part of your mind hopes that he catches it. Fire builds in your stomach as the moment drags on.

“Tell me what to do,” he whispers. He’s so close that you feel his breath on your face. You stay quiet. He traces up your jaw with the tip of his nose, smiling when your breathing stutters.

He pulls away a bit, just enough to stare at where your hips almost meet. You’d just have to push forward a few inches to close the gap, but you hold back. His hand finds your hip, thumb rubbing you comfortingly.

“Tell me what you need,” he tries again. You bite back a whimper at the deepness of his voice. He laughs at how you still don’t respond. “You this quiet with Soobin too?”

That pisses you off and brings you out of your haze. “No, I give him whatever he wants.” It’s a lie, but you mostly say it to piss him off, and clearly you’ve struck a nerve judging by how he grits his teeth.

“I’m trying to be good for you,” Beomgyu says. He grips onto your waist tight. “I’m showing you I’d do anything for you.”

“Soobin does that just fine,” you say pointedly. Neither of you are amused, and the moment is laced with venom from both sides now.

You gasp when Beomgyu suddenly takes your thighs and pulls them up toward your body, exposing your clothed pussy to him. You try to shut your legs, but Beomgyu’s hold is too strong and doesn’t budge. He smirks when his eyes land on the damp spot over your core.

“Does Soobin make you soak through your shorts like this too?” he taunts. Before you can even think of a smart reply, he’s bending you even further, bringing your knees to the sides of your head. He has you folded firmly in half, and it feels so demeaning, but it makes you so wet. He laughs at the sight of you, slack-jawed and speechless.

You’re fully-clothed but feel so exposed. Your heart is beating erratically. You’re starting to shake from how worked up you are; you ache for him to do something.

“No, he doesn’t, does he?” he continues, and you whine. “You can pretend all you want that he’s the man of your dreams, but you know he’ll never compare to me. Isn’t that right?”

You don’t respond to that. You’re too far gone in your lust to trust yourself to talk; you’ll end up saying something you regret. Beomgyu finally releases his grip on your legs, and you feel all your arousal leaking out of you as soon as your hips fall back on the bed.

“You don’t wanna tell me what to do? That’s fine. I can read you like a book. I know what you want,” Beomgyu says before grabbing your hand and placing it over your cunt. You immediately grind into it, losing yourself in the stimulation. He smiles deliriously at the sight, running his hands soothingly up your sides. “That’s it, now you’ve got it. Now you’re being good.”

One of his hands leaves you, the other helping to keep your legs spread. When you focus your attention back on him, you see him pulling his dick out and stroking himself. He spits in his hand before wrapping it around his length again, and you moan at the sight. He looks delicious.

His eyes are wild as they try to take in every part of you. It’s hard to keep yours open, but you want to watch him as much as you can. Something like this can never happen again, so you need to take it in.

You work your hand faster over yourself when you see him tug at his length with more fervor. His mouth drops open when he moans. He looks so pretty, making a mess out of himself. The sight is addicting, him panting and kneeling over you. You never thought about him like this before, but now thoughts this lewd will plague you.

“Gyu,” you whine, trying to find the perfect rhythm to get yourself off, but you need more. He senses your urgency and gets his hand off his dick in favor of grabbing your wrist. He plunges your hand past your shorts and panties, guiding it to your core. You gasp at how crude the action is. He bites his lip as he takes your two middle fingers and forces them into your fluttering hole. You moan at the intrusion, which was made so easy thanks to how embarrassingly wet you are. The slick sounds of your cunt fill the air, loud and filthy.

Beomgyu wraps his hand around your wrist again to control your movements, pacing the way you fuck yourself. It feels so scandalous and so hot, you find yourself getting worked up quickly. He makes you fuck yourself with vigor, and the way your palm meets your clit with each thrust has your mouth falling open. You stay in the rhythm he set even as he pulls away to fuck his fist again. His grunts and moans are shameless, and they’re like music to your ears.

“Fuck, you’re so dirty, you’re a dream,” he rambles, clearly teetering on the edge. He squeezes the meat of your thigh, then your hips, then palms your ass. “Are you gonna cum, my angel? Are you gonna let me see how pretty you look when you fall apart?”

“Yes, please,” you answer breathlessly, back arching into the feeling. Beomgyu bites down his smirk and runs his hand down the outside of your thigh.

“Wanna see it so bad, fucking dreamed of this.” You can feel the mattress shake from how hard he’s fucking his fist. His grip is bruising on your thigh, and he moans when he feels you jolt in pleasure. “Yeah, keep fucking yourself like that. So perfect.”

You moan out as you finally cum, clenching down on your fingers and throwing your head back as the sensation takes over you. You hear him whine, and it makes you tighten even more around your fingers, dying to hear it again.

“So good, so good for me,” Beomgyu praises in a shaky voice. You can tell his high is approaching. “Look so b-beautiful.”

“Cum for me, Gyu, let go,” you urge, making him moan out again. You slip your fingers out of your cunt but keep your hand over it, fingers ghosting over your clit as you watch Beomgyu lose himself. The slight overstimulation is delicious, and you bite your lip to keep yourself from whimpering at the feeling.

“Have I been good to you?” Beomgyu asks, out of breath as he squeezes the base of his cock. He strokes himself slowly once he regains his composure.

“So good, felt so nice,” you answer, feeling blissful after your orgasm.

“Yeah? Better than Soobin?” he asks, increasing his speed again. You can’t even scold him before his motor mouth starts running again. “Could fuck that little pussy so much better than him. Make you feel so good. Make you forget about him.”

He pushes your shirt up with his free hand, and before you can even react to that, he’s pushing up your bra too. “Oh my god, Beomgyu!” you exclaim, pulling your hand from your pussy to cover your tits. Beomgyu yanks your arm away and brings your fingers to his mouth. You stare at him in shock as he sucks your juices from your digits, diligently swirling his tongue around them. He’s moaning around your fingers, and a second later he’s spilling his load onto your stomach and breasts. Your mouth drops open. He’s got a lot of nerve doing all that; unfortunately for you, it was the hottest thing you have ever seen.

He takes your hand out of his mouth once he’s cleaned your fingers off, whimpering as he rides out the last of his high. He looks down hungrily at your body, taking in the ropes of his cum splayed on your skin. Like the horny freak he is, he sticks his fingers in the mess and smears it all over your torso.

“Gross,” you laugh. He ignores that. He tugs at your nipples with his cum-coated fingers. You yelp at the sensation, and he coos at you. He does it again, and again, until he’s had enough of his fun. He stares into your eyes, and you wish you could crawl away from his heated gaze, it’s that intense. His thumbs return to tease your nipples, but he doesn’t pull his eyes away from your own.

“You’re mine. Never see him again,” Beomgyu declares like it’s final.

“We’re meeting tomorrow,” you respond. He pinches your nipple harshly for that.

“Why? Cancel. Just stay with me,” he offers instead. You try to get up onto your elbows, but Beomgyu pushes you back down against the bed. He continues absentmindedly playing with your tits. He’s practically sitting in your lap to do so.

“…Can you wipe your cum off of me?” you ask, ignoring the conversation at hand.

“But I’m having so much fun.” He pouts. He’s cute like this.

“I let you have enough fun today,” you say with no real bite. He sighs like it will kill him to do so before getting off the bed and leaving for the bathroom. He comes back a minute later with a wet towel, and it’s peacefully quiet as he wipes you down.

“He’s not even really my boyfriend, you know,” you mention, watching his focused face as he rids you of the mess he made.

“Sure,” he laughs bitterly. “Tell him that.”

“We never made anything official,” you say.

“Then why’s he parading around telling everyone how you’re his girl?” Beomgyu asks, giving you a hard stare. You pull your bra and shirt back down once he finishes cleaning you, trying to feel a little more decent. He throws the used towel on the floor and crawls in bed next to you.

You perk up at that. “He is? How do you know?”

He stares straight ahead instead of at you. “You don’t gotta sound so excited.”

“I’m just curious,” you defend.

“Right,” he says, not believing you. “Yesterday at the bar he said it. Multiple times.” Did he? You hold in your gasps and squeals and suppress the urge to kick your feet. Maybe you were too drunk to remember, or maybe Soobin was saying it while you were away from the table. Or maybe Beomgyu’s just psychotic and putting words in Soobin’s mouth.

“Wow,” you say as nonchalantly as you can.

A few silent moments pass where you find yourself filling the time by trying to ignore Beomgyu’s stare on you. He turned to his side at some point and seems to find you to be the most interesting thing in the room. You try to focus on your nails, the walls of your room, your disorganized vanity, but nothing lifts his stare from you. You give in and turn your head to him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Well?” you prompt.

“What now?” he asks.

“Now… you get out of my room,” you say, holding eye contact and keeping your expression still. His face falters immediately.

“Are you joking?” he asks incredulously, backing away from you with a scoff, propping himself up on his elbows.

“This shouldn’t have happened, Gyu,” you say with a sigh. You know it hurts him—it hurts you, too—but you can’t do this while you’re seeing Soobin. You’ve already crossed the line.

Beomgyu is silent and unmoving. After a minute, it becomes clear he’s not leaving. You don’t know if it’s out of stubbornness or desperation. He lays back down and curls himself into you, tucking his face in your neck and holding you tight.

“Beomgyu,” you warn, but to no avail. He stays there and nuzzles further into you, and you’re so pathetic that you just let him. A stronger woman than you would have put her foot down, but that kind of power doesn’t find you in this moment.

Another long minute passes, consisting of you staring straight at the ceiling, listening to your combined breathing. You think of how Soobin would feel if he found out about this. How are you going to look him in the eye tomorrow? Do you tell him about this? Is it wrong to keep it a secret?

You try to pull away from Beomgyu, but he doesn’t let you move. “Please, Beom—“

“Stop,” he murmurs, putting his hand over your mouth just long enough to get you to stop talking. “Let me have this one night. He gets you every other time.”

You can’t help but feel a little aggravated at that. “Because he’s the one I’m seeing! This is wrong!”

“What’s wrong is you looking for other men when I’m right here,” he says with finality. When you don’t respond, he continues, “So let’s just go to sleep.”

You decide to let him win this time, telling yourself that this will never happen again. Sleep doesn’t find you easily with the guilt eating you alive, but it does feel kind of nice to have Beomgyu hugging you like this again.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

When you wake up, Beomgyu’s already gone. You let out a sigh of relief. You feel bad for not wanting to see him, but you know that last night changed things. There’s a conversation that needs to be had that you’re not sure you’re ready for.

You sit up and stretch, then check the time and notice that it’s already nearly 10. Your eyes go wide, horrified—you’re supposed to see Soobin at 10! You have less than twenty minutes to get ready!

You leap out of bed and run to your closet, looking for a cute dress to throw on cause you have no time to curate an outfit. Once you have the dress selected, you hold it in front of you in the mirror. The fabric is super soft and looks casual enough while still being pretty. The light color of it looks great on you, too.

You don’t have enough time to linger on your options, so you go with it. You fold the dress and run to the bathroom to finish freshening up and getting ready. You need to take the quickest shower of your life.

You’re rushing out the door once everything’s complete, cursing at yourself as you check the time. It’s already ten minutes past. You shoot him a text as you scramble down your apartment’s stairs.

Hey! I’m gonna be a bit late, leaving now

Forgot to set an alarm, my bad

Wait for meeee

You shove your phone in your jacket pocket and speed walk down the street. You’re lucky enough to live near the heart of the city, so everything is at walking distance. You’re halfway to the cafe when you feel your phone buzz with a response.

[Soobin] No worries. I’m waiting :)

[Soobin] Gives your coffee some time to cool down

You smile at the response. Of course he already bought your coffee. Of course he memorized your order. It’s Soobin, he’s the most thoughtful guy you’ve ever known. Your phone buzzes with another text notification. This time it’s Beomgyu.

[Beomgyu] omg where’d you go i got stuff for breakfast!!!

Your heart squeezes at the prospect. You rush to type out your responses.

I said I was meeting Soobin today

I’m sorry

Brunch?

You slow down your walking, finding yourself nearing the destination too quickly. You just want to get Beomgyu’s response before seeing Soobin. Your phone buzzes when he replies.

[Beomgyu] hmm.. ok brunch

You don’t find yourself excited, though. You guys do things like this all the time, but now you’re just nervous. It makes your stomach churn with anxiety. You know things have changed. Even if he acts like nothing happened, you both know something did.

You shove your phone into your pocket when you arrive at the cute little cat cafe. You wipe the sweat off your palms before opening the door. You try collecting yourself before looking for Soobin, who’s sitting at a small table near the front of the shop. You smile when you see him, but it’s only half-genuine; the other half of your mind is busy trying to push down your worries about Beomgyu.

You seat yourself across from Soobin, who smiles widely and fully-genuinely at you. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” you apologize. “Thank you for the coffee.”

His smile stays on his face as he watches you grab the cup and feel for its temperature. “It should be good to drink now,” he says. “I had company, the cats were coming to me.”

You laugh before taking a sip of your coffee. It’s the best thing in the world, you’re grateful he got it in advance for you. The hot drink eases your mind a bit. You look around the cafe until you spot a cat. It’s a fluffy black and white one, perusing around lazily.

“That one is so mean, don’t pet it,” Soobin says, following your gaze. He brings your attention to a different cat with a pointed finger. “The orange one sunbathing there is the best.”

“Oh yeah? You’re an orange cat fan?” you ask.

“I think you’d like that one,” he says. As if the cat could hear that, it gets up and starts walking toward you.

“Look at you, cat whisperer,” you joke. The way his face scrunches when he laughs makes your heart flutter. The orange cat brushes up against your legs when it finds you, and you immediately coo at it. “Hello, sweetie! Can I pet you?” you say, bringing down your hand for it to accept. The cat rubs its head against you, and you pet it lovingly.

“So you’re more of a cat person?” he asks. You look up from the cat to pay attention to him.

“I like all animals,” you say.

“What’s your favorite?”

You think for a second. “Should I say bunnies because you look like one?” you giggle.

“That’s a good answer,” he laughs with you.

“What would have been a bad answer?”

He looks up in thought and leans his face on his palm. “Maybe a mole or something?”

“Hey, I like moles,” you say.

“You like all animals.”

“What a good listener.”

“It’d be a little sad if I forgot something you said just a minute ago,” he responds.

“Men are like that,” you joke. You feel your phone buzzing with a call notification. “Sorry, let me check this.”

Why the hell is Beomgyu calling you?! You told him you were with—you roll your eyes. That’s why he’s calling you. He’s so petty and childish. You shove your phone back in your pocket.

“No one important?” Soobin asks.

“It’s Beomgyu,” you answer.

“Ah, you should answer then,” he reasons.

“I’m sure it can wait,” you dismiss.

“I need to go to the bathroom anyway, you can call while I go.” He smiles as he gets up.

You don’t really want to, but as you watch him walk away, you’re stuck sitting alone with nothing better to do. With a sigh, you unlock your phone and open your messages with Beomgyu.

What’s up

His response is immediate.

[Beomgyu] when are u coming back

You hold your head and groan at his antics. It’s been ten minutes and he’s acting like you’ve been gone ten days.

Whenever we’re done

Maybe an hour

He calls you again. Reluctantly, you answer. “What?”

“I just wanted to talk,” he says.

“No, you just want my attention. It’s one hour, I think you’ll live.”

“I think I won’t,” he counters. So annoying. You find yourself laughing for some reason, though. You see Soobin coming back, and you quickly fix your posture and tuck your hair back. That was fast.

“I gotta go,” you say abruptly. Beomgyu doesn’t get a word in before you hang up. He texts you his final words instead.

[Beomgyu] UR SO MEAN

Soobin sits back down in front of you. “What’d he say?”

“A whole lot of nothing,” you answer.

Soobin laughs. “Is that usual for him?”

“Always,” you groan.

After a moment, Soobin finds a new topic. “So what kept you up so late that you slept in so much?”

You freeze at the question. You have all of one second to decide if you’re going to spill the truth, or if you’re about to lie to his face. It would be the right thing to do to be honest with him…

“Beomgyu and I were hanging out,” you decide on saying. It’s technically true, but it feels like a cover-up rolling off your tongue.

You try to reason with yourself. You didn’t have sex. You got yourself off, with your own hand, and you didn’t touch him at all. The most he did was a little titty touching… so what? That’s so high school. It doesn’t even count.

You wonder if it would fool Soobin, cause it’s not fooling you.

“Oh, must’ve been fun then,” Soobin says. “Hopefully you can catch up on some sleep tonight.”

He’s so kind. You feel so gross. You don’t deserve him. Your smile doesn’t meet your eyes.

“You got any other plans for the day?” Soobin asks.

“I’m doing brunch with Beomgyu after this,” you answer.

“Wow, you spend a lot of time with him,” he comments. You don’t know why you feel a little offended at that.

“Yeah, we’ve been best friends since our senior year of high school. We moved to the city together, so we’re roommates.”

“Must be nice. I came here alone, so it was a little hard at first,” Soobin says.

“How so?” You’re honestly glad to shift the questions towards him for a bit. You like learning about him, and you hate how you always seem to end up talking about Beomgyu.

“I’m really shy, so making friends took a long time,” Soobin answers. “I’ve been here a few years now, though, so I made a decent community.”

“That’s nice. What’d you think of my friends on Friday?” you ask. “I heard you get chatty when you drink.”

He laughs and scratches his neck shyly. “Your friends were nice. I don’t think Beomgyu was very interested in talking to me though.”

You conceal your groan. Why does it keep coming back to Beomgyu?! You wish last night never happened so you could feel normal about this conversation. Even then, though, it wouldn’t erase how Beomgyu acted before that.

“Yeah, I don’t know, I’m sorry. Must’ve caught him on a bad day,” you excuse.

“Maybe. He seemed fine talking to you, though…” he mumbles, and you can tell that it’s bothering him. Now you really feel like shit. Any attempt you make to comfort him would be a lie after what you let happen between you two.

You grab Soobin’s hand, making his head pop up from where he was looking down all sullenly. “Thank you for coming that night. It means a lot that you met my friends,” you say. That puts a smile back on his face.

“Guess I gotta introduce you to mine now,” he says.

“I’d love that!”

“I’ll plan a day. How busy are you this month?” he asks.

“Not super,” you answer. You go on to ask about his friends, listening to him as diligently as you can while ignoring your phone buzzing in your pocket with text after text. You can guess who they’re from.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The moment you get back home, you find Beomgyu already near the door waiting. He lights up, but you’re not amused.

“That texting and calling shit needs to stop,” you say, looking him dead in the eye.

He pouts and points at the table. “I made us food. It was gonna get cold.” You look at the table. He set up the dishes all cute, with plates of meats and pancakes in the middle alongside a bowl of berries. You sigh.

“We could’ve made it together when I came back,” you mention, but the fight leaves your voice. You wish you weren’t so endeared by him. You’re so weak, it makes you curse at yourself in your head. You sit at the table and pile some food onto your plate. He sits across from you and does the same.

You’re not sure what to talk about. You feel your skin heating up as you remember what happened the last time you were with Beomgyu. He must be thinking about it too. Maybe arguing about Soobin would be better than dealing with the awkwardness you feel right now.

You take a quick glance at him. He’s smiling and swaying around as he chomps down on his food. If he notices your discomfort, you’re glad he doesn’t say anything. You try to focus on your food instead of him as much as you can.

Usually Beomgyu is the only person you feel like you can do anything around, but right now you’re second guessing every little thing you do. Did you stare at him too long? Should you not check your phone right now? Where should you be looking? Does he know you’re overthinking this right now?

“I hope this is better than whatever you just did with Soobin,” he says, breaking the silence. You stop eating for a second to give him a disapproving glare. That’s one way to cut through your thoughts.

“You need to stop being so jealous,” you say. His neediness is being turned up to 100, and you don’t know how to deal with it. Whatever he thinks he’s doing is only going to drive you away from him.

“Well, I have to fight for your attention now,” he explains. You roll your eyes.

“No you don’t, I still spend most of my time with you.” It’s ridiculous that he thinks you’d just drop him like that. You literally live with him, you can’t avoid him. His insecurities are getting the best of him, and it’s changing your relationship with him.

“But soon you’ll spend it all with him, and I’ll have no one,” he says like he can see it all already. Gosh, seriously? His brows are upturned and the slightest frown mars his face. Why must he try to break your heart?

“Where’d you get that idea? I’m not going anywhere. You’ll always be the most important person in my life,” you reassure him. He looks down like he can’t stand to make eye contact anymore. His shoulders slump.

“I just have to make sure you don’t forget me,” he mutters. He keeps his eyes down. You sigh.

“I won't forget you. Can’t you just trust me? I’m telling you you’ll always be my number one. What more do you want to hear?” you ask.

He meets your eyes again. They still look sad. His lack of response puzzles you; he always has so much to say. You stay staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, until you pull your gaze away, unable to handle it.

You know you’re not in the wrong here. It’s not abandonment to just see another guy. He looked so pitiful, though. It would’ve hurt less to see him get angry and yell at you. He can’t really help how he feels, and you suppose it is a big change. What does he want you to do, though? Well, stop seeing Soobin. But you’re not going to do that.

You go to your room without another word, needing to leave his presence. It murks your mind and leaves you unable to think clearly. You text Chaewon to come over when she’s free. You just need to get your mind off of whatever’s developing between you and Beomgyu.

When her knock sounds at your door hours later, you run to open it, excited to finally talk to someone who won’t give you a headache. She holds up a grocery bag full of your favorite snacks, smiling ear to ear. You make a mental note to splurge for her next birthday; she always treats you so well.

You usher her to the couch and offer her a drink. She turns on the television and finds something to play in the background. Once you’re both situated, you open one of the snack bags and throw a blanket over the two of you.

“What did you do this weekend?” you ask her.

She doesn’t look away from the television when she answers, “Julie and I went to a spa.”

“Oh my god, and you didn’t invite me?!” you say in faux offense, although you definitely would have liked to go.

She laughs and points at the bag of food in your lap. “I made up for it with those.”

“You still owe me a day out,” you joke.

“I know, I’m thinking we’ll go to an amusement park in the spring. You down?” she asks.

“Oh, for sure,” you confirm. You go quiet for a bit, captured by the show Chaewon put on. The two of you make your own commentary on the characters and their decisions. You share looks when something crazy happens, and burst out laughing when Chaewon’s prediction about one of the plot lines comes true.

This is the stress relief you needed. You already feel lighter and happier. Good thing you asked Chaewon to come over. During a commercial break, Chaewon turns to you.

“Okay, I have to ask, how are things with Soobin?” Chaewon asks. The question doesn’t irk you, partially because it’s not Beomgyu asking it, but mostly because Chaewon put you in a better mood.

“It’s going good with him,” you say. You look down the hall to make sure Beomgyu’s door is shut. Talking to Chaewon about this might actually clear things up for you. She always has good advice.

“Tell me more,” she prompts, leaning in with a grin.

“Well, we went to a cafe today”—Chaewon cuts you off with a delighted ooooo—“and it went really well. He wants me to meet his friends next.”

Chaewon gasps. “You’re halfway into boyfriend territory now!”

Ugh. “About that…” you start.

“Uh oh,” Chaewon lets out.

“I really, really like Soobin, it’s just”—you shut up immediately once you hear Beomgyu’s door open. There’s no way he heard you, not unless he was intentionally listening in, and if he did, is he ballsy enough to come out and argue with you now? With Chaewon right here? You hold your breath.

He walks into the kitchen, and you let yourself breathe again. You watch him carefully. He opens the fridge. It’s a little early for dinner, so he’s probably just looking for a drink or a snack.

“Hey! Talk to me about that sexy tall man!” Chaewon says, bringing your attention back to her. You laugh nervously.

“Let’s talk about you, actually,” you say in attempt to shift the conversation. “How was your spa day with Julie?”

“We had fun, but it was nothing more important than Soobin updates!” she assures. She’s talking so loud, you flinch thinking about Beomgyu listening in.

“I don’t think we should talk about him right now,” you say, eyeing Beomgyu’s figure in the kitchen. You release your breath when you notice he’s still distracted in his search through the fridge.

“Girl… what,” Chaewon deadpans, following your gaze. She looks back at you, brows scrunched. You share a glance, and she puts two and two together. “You’re kidding me.”

“Please,” you whisper.

“He is so ridiculous,” Chaewon complains, shaking her head in disapproval.

“I know, but I can’t talk about it right now. Later, please,” you continue in a hushed voice. Beomgyu settles on an energy drink, closing the fridge and advancing toward the two of you. You pray Chaewon drops it.

“Hey Chaewon. Whatcha guys up to?” he asks as he lingers by where you sit on the couch. You look to Chaewon with pleading eyes. Hers are unamused and disappointed.

“Just talking,” she answers, her voice lacking any emotion. Beomgyu nods.

“Cool. What’s on TV?” he asks.

“Some crime show Chaewon likes,” you respond. It’s quiet for a minute, and you’re trying not to feel antsy. Beomgyu definitely didn’t hear your conversation about Soobin, but you can’t shake the reaction Chaewon had. You were just about to tell her how Beomgyu’s been acting, but now the conversation will have to wait.

When Beomgyu takes a seat next to you, you know that you won’t be able to talk to Chaewon about Soobin until the next time you see her. He puts his arm on the couch behind you and gets himself comfortable. It’s not like you’re going to ask him to leave, so you just lean into his side. You might as well make use of his warmth.

The three of you watch a couple more episodes of Chaewon’s show, and after some time your anxiety leaves you. It feels like a normal hang out, not like you’re in between your best friend you just got intimate with and your other best friend who has no clue.

“Are you having dinner here?” you ask Chaewon. She shakes her head.

“I think I’m gonna head out now, actually. I’ve got a few things to do,” she says. She gets off the couch. “But you need to come over tomorrow, ‘kay?” She points at you. You already know it’s because she wants to finish the conversation you started before Beomgyu came in. It must’ve been pestering her mind.

“I will,” you say. You get up from the couch to hug her. “Thanks for coming over.” You walk with her to your door.

“Love you, see you tomorrow!” she exclaims, waving.

“Love you too!!” You wave back.

Once Chaewon’s out the door, you return to Beomgyu on the couch. You lean your head on the armrest and fold your legs so they’re not resting on Beomgyu.

“I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow,” you complain. He laughs.

“When do you ever?” he asks.

“Fridays, cause there’s donuts,” you answer. He tugs on your legs to pull you closer to him. Your shirt rolls up a bit as he drags you down the couch, but he fixes it for you.

“Call out sick or something,” he suggests.

You groan, “I only get, like, seven sick days.”

“You should skip and we should go to the shopping center.” You hit his chest with your knee at his offer. He smiles down at you.

“The difference in maturity levels between us is crazy,” you say.

“I keep you young,” he jokes.

“Bitch, we’re the same age.” You hit his chest again.

Your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, but before you can sit up to check the notification, Beomgyu flips the device so it’s facing down.

“Who texted me?” you ask.

“No one,” he answers. “What do you want for dinner?”

You hum in thought. “I’m not really hungry honestly. I filled up on Chaewon’s snacks.”

“Same.” It falls silent, so you grab your phone and finally check your notifications.

“You liar, you said no one texted me,” you say, reading your text notification from Soobin.

He wears a mischievous smile. “Oops. Must’ve read it wrong.”

“Yeah right,” you say. You open your phone, going to respond to Soobin until Beomgyu takes your phone from your hands. “Hey!”

He shuts off your phone and puts it in the pocket of his sweatpants. “Talk to me instead of going on your phone.” You scowl at him, who looks back at you with a teasing grin. Asshole.

“Give me back my phone,” you order, hand reaching out for him to place it in. Instead, he takes you by the hand and drags you into his lap, laughing when you yelp.

“Why don’t you take it?” he offers, looking down at his pelvis.

“I’m not digging in your pants to get my phone back,” you say.

“Will you dig in my pants for other reasons?” He wiggles his eyebrows. You bite down your smile and smack his arm.

“You wish, freak.”

He snickers, running his hands up your arms. “I do wish.”

You’re acutely aware of the tension starting to build in the room, and you can’t deny how you’re getting excited in the heat of the moment. This is innocent enough, right? You’re just being playful with each other. Just because you’re starting to feel a little worked up doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.

You move your hand slowly down his chest, traveling down his torso, making your way down to the pocket of his sweatpants. He stares at you with big dumb eyes, and you hold back your laughter. You pry open his pocket, sliding your hand in and retrieving your phone, letting the weight of it drag across his thigh as you pull it out from the fabric.

“Got it,” you whisper, a winning smile on your face. You throw your phone behind you on the couch. You don’t know why you don’t move from your position, though. Maybe it’s the satisfaction you feel at watching his mouth fall just the tiniest bit open at your actions.

His hands grab your waist, thumbs lifting up your shirt just the tiniest bit, revealing a sliver of your stomach. He brings you forward on his lap, moving you even closer to him, and your eyes widen when you feel his half-hard length beneath you.

“Gyu?” you say, searching his eyes. He looks drunk off this moment, and he doesn’t bother to hide his lust. It’s evident all over his face, from his lidded eyes to his bitten lip. “Maybe we should”—

“Do you wanna ride me like this?” he interrupts, hands moving to your hips so he can guide them into a slow grind. You gasp at the sensation, not realizing how aroused you’d gotten. You feel him hardening below you the more you sway your hips over him. You feel dizzy.

You drop your head in his neck and let out a shaky exhale, letting him control your movements. God, this is so wrong. You’re doing this again? You’re really bad at keeping your own promises. But fuck, when your clit catches on the head of his cock, even through all the clothes, it feels like heaven. You can’t even think about how you should stop.

He slides your hair to one side of your neck and kisses the side he bared. “Good girl,” he praises, keeping your hips in a slow rhythm that has your brain malfunctioning. You whine, and your thighs twitch and tighten around him.

Beomgyu’s rock hard now, and you wish he didn’t feel so sinfully good. He presses his hips further up against you, and the added pressure makes you moan out before you can hold it back. He laughs and scatters wet kisses onto your neck.

“Look at you,” he says, voice so low it makes you shiver. “Pretty little thing getting herself off on my lap, creaming her pants for me. Cute girl.” He hastens your rhythm for you and holds you down tighter against him. You gasp and cling onto his shirt.

“Gyu, Gyu, please,” you stammer, feeling your high approaching.

“I know, sweet girl.” He matches your rhythm with his own hips now, making your toes curl.

“I’m gonna cum,” you breathe out, moving yourself even faster over him, losing yourself as you chase your orgasm.

“Yes, fuck, cum for me, I need to see it,” he insists, watching you spasm and shake over him. He moans out at the sight, and the sound is what brings you over the edge. You feel his dick twitch as you ride out your high, and you realize he came in his pants too. The thought makes your head spin.

You slow down as you begin to come down, holding his face in your hands. You wear a dopey smile, and he looks just as fucked out. You’d like to ruin him one day, to see him beg for pleasure and get more than what he can take. He has a pretty face for things like that.

Your hips still over him completely, and Beomgyu connects his mouth to your jaw. He sucks on your skin there, and you push his head away. “No marks,” you tell him. He nods quickly and goes back to licking and kissing and sucking your skin.

He trails his kisses down to your neck, lapping at every inch of skin he has access to. He’s messy with his tongue, coating you in his saliva. It’s so filthy, but it has your core pulsing again. You don’t know why he has this effect on you.

You jolt when you feel his teeth on your neck, biting down and sucking hard. It makes your hips push forward, and he moans against you. You’re not too far gone to let him get away with that, at least.

“Are you serious?” you scold, pulling Beomgyu away by his hair. He kisses your cheek, just barely missing your lips. You gasp, flustered.

“Sorry,” he apologizes quickly, breathlessly. He lays you down on the couch and lifts up your shirt and bra. He decides to connect his mouth to what he reveals there instead. He swirls his tongue around your nipple and sucks, squeezing and fondling your other tit with a hungry hand. You whine out when he just barely scrapes his teeth against the bud, fueling the heat in your core. He switches sides so that he can suck your other breast, delivering wet kisses to it.

His free hand travels up your thigh and stops just inches from your cunt. He swipes his thumb lazily over your inner thigh, so close you can feel it ghost your center. It’s getting you desperate for relief. You close your thighs around his hand, and it brings him right to your core. He moans against your chest at the collision. You wonder if he can feel your wetness through your thin pajama pants.

He rubs his hand against your cunt, moving slow enough to keep you wanting more. He detaches his mouth from you and stares at how your hips gyrate against him. He bites his lip and presses his fingertips harder against you, teasing your entrance through your clothes.

“Oh my god,” you moan, throwing your head back.

“Fuck, let me finger you,” he insists, bringing a thumb to your clit. Your head is spinning from the pleasure. “I need to, I’ve got to feel you.” You feel his bulge on your thigh, heavy and hard. You cry out. You feel your moral ground starting to slip.

“Take off my pants,” you instruct. “Just those.”

He rushes to follow through. Your pants are on the floor in an instant, and his hand is right back on you. He drops his head into your neck when he feels you this time.

“You’re drenched,” he moans. He runs his index finger through your folds over the cloth, so soaked through that he can feel the outline of your pussy perfectly. He pushes his index finger just barely into your hole, watching your panties scrunch up into it.

“Gyu!” you yelp.

“Let me, let me, let me,” he pleads, jamming his finger just a touch further. Your hands wrap around his arm, needing purchase on something. “You want to cum so bad, right? You want to feel good?”

“What do you want?” you ask back.

“To make you take whatever I give,” he answers. Your entrance flutters over his finger at that. “So let me take these off,” he says, pulling his hand away to snap your waistband.

You feel your sanity leave you. You need that pressure back in your cunt. His eyes are dark and blown out. He pulls your panties down just barely, letting them sit below your hip bones, your center still covered. He’s agonizingly slow as he pulls further and further, not daring to reveal your cunt until you say so.

“You’re driving me crazy,” Beomgyu whispers.

He’s the one driving you crazy. Your mind is completely fogged over. You’ve been turned into some kind of lust-drunk whore, seeing as you can’t focus on anything but him if you tried.

“Take them off,” you finally give in. You pulse and ache where you need him most. Beomgyu wastes no time when he pulls your panties off and away, and the first thing he does is hold your legs wide open and stare at your pussy.

“So perfect and slutty for me,” he says in his deep voice. “Gonna make this little pussy all mine.”

You whine at his words, thighs twitching and trying to close. You need him to do something, you need him to fill you. Your hole clenches over nothing, the emptiness starting to kill you. Beomgyu bites his lip and watches as your arousal leaks from you.

“You’re so cute, maybe I should just keep you like this,” he muses, laughing when you cry out and shake your head. “No? But I love watching this sweet cunt leak for me. You’re dripping like a whore.”

You arch your back, push your hips out, do anything you can, but he still doesn’t relieve you. You try to bring your own hand down to your pussy, but Beomgyu grabs it and pushes it back against the couch by your head.

“Please touch me!” you plead, desperate beyond belief. You might even start crying.

“Aww, my baby needs me,” he coos, soothing his hands up your thighs. “My pretty girl needs me, only me.” Finally, his fingers find your clit. You melt into the feeling, sighing in relief. Your hips twitch closer to his hand, making sure he won’t leave.

“Thank you,” you moan. Beomgyu holds your face with his free hand, staring into your teary eyes.

“Don’t cry, I’ll give you what you need,” he says, voice soft. He dips a finger into your cunt, stopping once he’s knuckle-deep. He fucks his finger into you slowly, and you sigh at the relief. He watches his finger sink into you, humming in pleasure when he sees how it collects your wetness.

His actions pull soft moans from your mouth, but you can’t bring yourself to conceal them. It’s not like you need to be embarrassed anyway, seeing how much Beomgyu loves your reactions. You get sick of his slow pace after a while, trying to ride his finger faster.

“More?” he asks. He inserts a second finger into you. The stretch feels like heaven, you crave to be stuffed by him.

“Yes! I need it,” you exclaim. He picks up the pace a little. “Thank you, thank you..!” He laughs a little and leans down to kiss your forehead.

“You’re so nice to me right now,” he notes with a smile, fucking you faster on his fingers in appreciation. “This is how you should always be.” You pay no mind to the wet squelches your pussy makes as he pistons into you. Your stomach muscles clench as you feel yourself getting closer.

He starts curling his fingers inside of you, and it doesn’t take him long to find what he’s looking for. You arch your back and yelp at the sensation of him pressing against the spongy part inside of you. He grins and keeps thrusting against that spot, watching your reactions with amused eyes. His head moves down between your thighs, biting and sucking at all the flesh his mouth can find, then wraps his lips around your clit once he grows tired of marking you.

“Ah! Gyu! That’s—mmh,” you sputter, rolling your hips up into the feeling. It’s so much. He pushes his fingers into you harder, deeper, with more purpose. He toys with your clit using his tongue, swiping and flicking it while he sucks. You’re right there and he knows it, doubling his efforts.

The pleasure takes you under, and you cum with a cry. Your hands find purchase in his hair, tugging at the strands. It makes him moan, and the vibrations fuel your orgasm. He’s hungry for it, fingers coaxing as much of your cum as he can get out of you. He doesn’t give up his pace even as you start to come down, fog clearing from your mind.

“That’s enough,” you say, trying to push his head away. His mouth leaves you for all of one second before he latches himself back on. “Beomgyu, I already—fuck!” He sucks harder now and hooks his fingers harshly into you to rub right against a spot that has you seeing stars. He only pulls his fingers out long enough to push a third one in, pressing right back where he was.

You gasp, pulling his hair again, needing something to keep you in reality cause you feel like you’re about to slip. You shake and twitch with overstimulation, but Beomgyu doesn’t care. It’s like he hasn’t gotten his fill yet. He’s careless with how he breaks you, paying no mind to your body’s limits.

Your orgasm builds up and hits you quickly thanks to Beomgyu’s determination. Your thighs clamp around his face, but that doesn’t stop him. You whine and mewl as Beomgyu feasts on your arousal. Your poor pussy clenches hard around his three fingers, so much he can’t even thrust them anymore, so he curls his fingers rapidly inside you instead. Your cum pools out of you and onto his hand, your juices dripping out of you uncontrollably.

He pulls away, panting, staring at your pussy. He licks a stripe up it, then goes back down to circle his tongue around your entrance. You whimper and push his head away. He meets your eyes, and his dark gaze softens when he sees your teary ones.

“Can’t you just take a little more?” he asks. His eyes don’t leave yours as he nibbles and sucks on your thigh. You shake your head and push his face away again. With a pout, he rises back up so his face is hovering over yours. You don’t know why fondness overcomes you when you’re staring at him, but the feeling isn’t entirely unwelcome.

“You’re so good,” you say, cupping his face and giggling. He leans his face into your neck, and you can feel his shy smile form against your skin. He comes back up with stars in his eyes.

You want to kiss him, and the thought scares you because you’ve never wanted that before. The feeling is so overpowering that you have to look away. You try to find interest in the wall, but Beomgyu’s movement makes you turn your head back to him. He leans back to admire you.

He smirks at the sight of your thighs, prompting you to look down at them too. Your eyes widen in horror at all the marks he sucked onto them. He pats your leg with a happy grin on his face. “No more short skirts around him,” he says. What a little shit.

“Beomgyu!” you scold. Dignity finds you and forces you to sit up and reach for your clothes on the floor. Before you can grab anything, Beomgyu’s placing you in his lap and holding your face much too close to his. His hips jut up into yours, and you gasp upon feeling his erection. Of course he’s hard again.

“I still need you,” he whines. “Please, don’t go yet.” You pull your face away from him, so he takes your hand and presses a kiss to your palm. His puppy eyes are so sweet and pitiful, you have no choice but to stay. One sad look from him is all it takes for him to get whatever he wants from you. You’re weak.

“I-I’m still sensitive,” you say as he grinds into you. He grips your hips hard, keeping you in place so you have no choice but to take it. You can already see your juices on his sweatpants, leaving a damp mark right over his cock.

“Yeah?” he asks, half-breathless. It’s like he’s not even listening to you, too focused on humping you like a bitch in heat.

“Yes, slow down.” He drops his head on your shoulder and pants heavily, not slowing down at all. You’re buzzing in overstimulation, legs twitching uncontrollably. His hands are shameless as they try to grab at every part of you. He squeezes your hips, your waist, your tits. His tongue is warm on your skin as it trails up to your ear, where he bites down and sucks.

He pushes himself further against you, giving you no space and no chance to leave. He wraps his arms around you and pistons his hips like he’s actually fucking you.

You gasp, “G-Gyu! Stop being bad!” You tug his hair, forcing his head back. His mouth drops open, and he stares at you through lidded eyes. Lust has possessed him, and your words only fuel him.

“Then punish me,” he says. You pull his hair harder, forcing his head back as far as you can, and suck on his neck. He moans louder than you’ve ever heard from him before, and his hips stutter in their rhythm. His hands keep you pressed against him as close as you can get. You moan when you feel his dick twitch through his clothes. For a second, you wonder how it would feel inside of you, but you shove that thought to the back of your mind.

You detach yourself from his throat and watch his face twist up from the pleasure. You look down to see the cum stains on his pants, giggling at the sight. Your hips jerk, and he gasps at the sensation.

Your eyes land on the mark you sucked into his neck. It’s darker than the ones he plastered all over your thighs. You want to feel ashamed or appalled for leaving that on him, but all you feel is some sort of satisfaction. You let your body fall limp against him, sinking into his hold and laying your head on his chest. His hands run to soothe you, brushing through your hair and rubbing your back.

You avoid asking questions. You avoid talking at all. You don’t want to know what this is or what it means, you just want to bask in the afterglow of whatever this is. The unpacking part of this will be a problem for future you.

Even if you hate yourself for this tomorrow, you can’t think of anything better than Beomgyu’s embrace on you now. You’ve already crossed so many lines with him, adding a few more won’t hurt. You find yourself wondering what things you’d like to do with Beomgyu next.

You lean back to stare at his face. His smile is blissful and lazy. You can’t pull your eyes from his lips. Even in the middle of winter, they still look so soft. You wonder what it would feel like to run your tongue over them, or how they would feel wrapped around your fingers. Would they be carnal and unforgiving against your own, or would his lips find yours in a sweet, gentle kiss?

You feel his hand on the back of your head. He’s pulling you closer, and you panic. You tilt your head so that your lips find his jaw instead of his mouth. You pull away after planting a little kiss there. Your gaze flits down his face for just a few seconds before you lean in to place another kiss on his jaw, a little higher than the last, lingering a little longer.

“A real one now,” he requests, eyes pleading and hands resting on your neck. You peck his nose, then his cheek, then his other cheek. He holds your face still and whispers your name. You share the most intense stare you’ve felt in your life.

You close the gap and let your lips touch for just one second. It’s soft and simple, and it’s enough to satisfy your curiosity, but Beomgyu has to come back for more. His lips feel so nice, they were made to be kissed. His fingers dig into your hair, desperate, clinging to you as if you’ll slip away from him. His kiss is hungry, like he wants to consume you, like he’s trying to find a way to your soul through your mouth.

You use both your hands on his chest to push him away, and when you succeed, you stare at him with wide eyes. You’re trying to get your breathing back under control. His face is flushed.

“Please, you can’t go back to Soobin after that,” he begs. The fragile glass holding this moment together breaks, and your sense crashes back over you immediately. Shit, you forgot about Soobin. How could you have forgotten about Soobin?!

You pull yourself out of his lap and stare at your best friend with horrified, blown-out eyes. What the fuck? What did you just do? You have to tell Soobin, you have no choice now. Next time you see him, you’re going to spill everything that’s happened with you and Beomgyu. This isn’t right. This isn’t fair to him.

“Gyu… I’m so, so sorry,” you apologize getting off the couch slowly, putting on your clothes. How do you save this? How do you stop yourself from breaking both Soobin’s trust and Beomgyu’s heart? There has to be a way to salvage this. There has to be a way to make this okay.

“Why?” He shoots up, holding your arms so you stay. “Why would you be sorry?” He shakes his head like he’s not understanding, but his eyes tell you that he knows. He knows you’re going to try to stop this again. What will he do to prevent you this time?

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” you whisper. You can’t even look him in the eye.

His disappointment only shows for a second before it’s overcome by need. A need to stop you from leaving, a need to show you that he’s yours, a need to prove himself to you—you know it all already, it’s happened so many times before. You can’t give in. Not again. Not after you let him get this far. If you allow this, what else will you let him do?

His hands are shaking as they cup your face. When you meet his eyes, you see tears already falling from them. You hate it. You hate it so much, how you’re always the cause of them. You’re always finding new spots to put your knife, slower ways to kill him. You know it by now; you know he’ll be hurt, but you do it time and time again, and you never learn your lesson.

This time it will change. This time you have to mean it.

“Stop making this so hard…” you say, hushed, as you wipe his tears from his face.

“I can’t leave you alone,” he insists. “You don’t get it. It’ll kill me.” He turns his face to kiss your palm. You try to pull your hand away, but he catches your arm and brings your wrist to his mouth, kissing you gently over your pulse point.

Why does your heart race? Why does your breath catch? He keeps finding new ways to fluster and confuse you, and all this just to make sure you don’t leave him for Soobin. You don’t know what’s more pathetic: the fact that he keeps doing this, or the fact that it keeps working.

You smooth your hand down his neck and rest it on his shoulder. “Just go to sleep,” you tell him softly.

“Come with me. Don’t make me go to bed alone after this.” He looks so cute and hopeful, you almost give in. You tighten your lips and place a parting pat on his chest.

“Good night,” you say before walking to your bedroom. He must know better than to follow, because he doesn’t. You try to ignore how your bed suddenly feels so big and empty.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

“Tell me everything, girl,” Chaewon says as soon as you settle onto her bed with her. You rushed over to her place after work, needing to debrief her on whatever has been going on between you and Beomgyu.

“First promise me that you won’t hate me,” you start.

“Oh, this is how I know it’s gonna be good,” she chuckles.

“Promise me!” you repeat, clutching onto her legs and locking eyes with her.

“I promise!” You lean back and let out a dramatic sigh, preparing yourself for your recap of all the events. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

“So, remember the day we went to the bar, how you said you think Beomgyu might like me?” you ask. She nods. “I think you might’ve been right. Things have been getting weird.”

“I literally fucking knew it, I knew he must’ve been on some shit,” she says, looking excited to hear more. “Continue.”

“Well…” you trail off, feeling your stomach knot up in fear of actually saying what happened out loud. “Oh my Godddd, I can’t.” You hide your face in your hands.

Chaewon pushes your hands down and shakes you by the wrists. “Tell me!”

You take a deep breath. “Okay, so. At the bar, Beomgyu came up to me and was like are you leaving with Soobin? And I was like no, and he was so happy about that. But then he got really upset when I wanted to go back to the table with Soobin. Literally so upset that I ended up going back home with him cause he was gonna sulk all night otherwise.”

“Oh my fucking God, Aeri and I were literally joking about that being the reason why you left. That’s crazy,” Chaewon says.

“The next day, I asked him for his opinion on Soobin, and he got all pissed at me for some reason,” you continue.

“It’s cause he likes you!” Chaewon chimes in, rising up and screeching with the adrenaline of the conversation.

“Well then it gets crazy. He starts talking about how our friendship is enough, I don’t need a man, and I’m like huh? I don’t even remember everything he said, but it was so weird, and he started offering himself up to me basically.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Like, I’ll do whatever you want, literally like that,” you explain.

“Girl.” You share a glance.

“Just wait. It gets worse,” you say.

“Don’t tell me you fucked.”

“Just wait!” you repeat. “So I tell him I’m gonna head to your place to clear my mind, and—I can’t make this up—he drops to his knees and starts crying actual tears. And then it gets kinda horny?”

Chaewon busts out laughing and claps her hands. “How’d I know?”

“He’s biting and licking my thigh, and I’m still trying to talk some sense into him, but some demon ends up possessing me and he takes me to my bed, and we don’t fuck but we… yeah.”

Chaewon covers her mouth in shock. She’s speechless, and you let the first half of the story ruminate in silence for a few long seconds. You tighten your lips and nod like you’re disappointed too.

“When we finish, I tell him that this is never happening again, and that he needs to leave my room, but he doesn’t. He insists on sleeping in my bed with me because Soobin gets me every other night, which is not true, but I let him have it anyway.”

“You need to put your foot down. He’s crazy,” Chaewon says.

“There’s more,” you respond. “Also, that night, he told me that Soobin apparently said we’re together or something at the bar? Is that true?”

Chaewon scrunches up her face. “No? I don’t think he said that.”

You groan, “Beomgyu is literally driving himself crazy. Anyway, the next day I literally start hating myself so bad because I wake up and have to see Soobin immediately”—Chaewon gasps—“Yeah. And the whole time I’m thinking, do I tell him? Should he know? And, oh my God, Beomgyu would not stop blowing up my phone during our date.”

“I would have to fight him, that’s so annoying,” Chaewon comments.

“It was! He didn’t even need anything either, he just wanted my attention. I didn’t end up telling Soobin anything cause I was scared. When I got home, Beomgyu and I ate and he was like I hope this is better than what you did with Soobin.”

“Girl, beat his ass,” Chaewon says.

“Stop,” you laugh, pushing her shoulder. “We argue again, and then I ask you to come over. Then you know what happens when you’re there. When you leave, though, the demons get to me again and I get even freakier with Beomgyu.”

Chaewon looks at you in horror and shock.

“Yeah. So when it ends, I tell him that this won’t happen again. He gets all sad and cries again, and says all this heartbreaking, confusing shit. So no matter what I do, I feel like I’m hurting someone.”

“Can I be honest? He’s one hundred percent manipulating you,” she says. You flinch a bit at that. Manipulating you? That’s a little far.

“I wouldn’t say that,” you refute. “He just ignores all our friendship’s boundaries.” Beomgyu has touched you in ways that friends shouldn’t. He’s declared things to you that friends shouldn’t. He’s begged to you and drove himself to tears, he’s gotten in his head with insecurities about you, he’s done too many things that a friend would never do that you just can’t ignore.

Chaewon places her hand over your own. That’s how you know she’s about to get serious. You like talking about this with her because she can be fun, but she can also be mature about things and give good advice. Plus, at least with her, you don’t have to worry about not being heard.

“Listen,” she starts. “He cries to you because he knows you’ll give in. He brings up his devotion to you because it makes you feel like you owe him. It’s not about professing his emotions, it’s about doing whatever it takes to keep you closest to him.”

Your brain is struggling to fit all the pieces together. It’s not adding up or making sense to you. Maybe to an outside source like Chaewon, it looks a little bad, but you know Beomgyu better than that. You always have been influenced by him. Right now is no different. He doesn’t want to control you, you think. He just wants his best friend.

“He’s not evil, Chaewon, he’s just being annoying,” you say. She sighs and goes quiet for a second. You can tell she’s carefully formulating her response.

“He’s being selfish. He can’t stand to see you choose another man over him.” That much you know. He’s admitted to that.

“Then wouldn’t I be selfish too? Letting him do things with me while I’m talking to Soobin,” you ask, looking off to the side. When you say it like that, guilt pours over you. If Beomgyu’s being selfish, then you’ve been obscenely greedy. That’s not a far cry from the truth, though, and it may even be the actuality of the situation after all. You won’t defend yourself from that claim.

“The thing is, you wouldn’t be doing any of this if Beomgyu wasn’t messing with your head,” Chaewon reasons. “Would you have let him touch you if he never cried to you that night?”

You think back to your first intimate moment with Beomgyu. You definitely wanted it. The second time too. You ponder Chaewon’s words. If he never fell to his knees, begging you to stay, what would have happened? If he skipped the tears and the pity party and just took you straight to your room to fuck, would you have been okay with it then?

Probably not, you think. But how relevant is that? You can’t separate Beomgyu’s emotions from his actions. He felt like he was losing you, and that’s why he did everything. Everything that happened after was from the heat of the moment, an act of desperation.

Maybe it’s his utter devotion that turns you on, maybe that’s what keeps you from denying him. Seeing a man so desperate that he’d shed tears for you, perhaps it’s what makes you lose control. When Beomgyu’s on his knees, looking up at you with painfully honest eyes, promising you that he’ll be good, any woman in your position would fold.

What if it wasn’t Beomgyu? What if it was Soobin instead? Would you still give in? You try to picture it. You look into Soobin’s eyes and feel his fingers on your thighs. You try to make yourself burn up more, but you don’t feel much.

Okay, picture it more, maybe. He’s got you spread on your mattress, begging you for just one touch. He kisses your stomach, and his tears fall off his cheek and onto your skin. His tongue is warm and wanting, exploring further down your body until he bites down on your waistband. You tense up, needing more. You grab his hair tight. He looks up at you and you almost shriek, horror and humiliation crashing over you. He’s not Soobin at all. He’s Beomgyu.

Chaewon’s voice cuts through your thoughts to ask you another question, “Do you feel like you can’t leave him?”

“I’d never leave him,” you answer. You didn’t even have to think about it. She sighs.

“At some point, you have to realize that this is going beyond keeping a friend around,” Chaewon says. “He won’t let you go out with Soobin in peace. He argues with you whenever you mention him. He touches you to get your mind off of him.”

You don’t try to refute that. Should you just accept defeat? You could go home and surrender to Beomgyu. You could promise to never look at Soobin again, and he’d finally get what he wants without a fight. You’d live the rest of your life not knowing whether you’ve got the love of your life standing right beside you or waiting out in the world somewhere.

“He’s giving you no choice. He’s doing it on purpose.” Chaewon picks up your hands, lacing them with her own. “You have to start standing your ground with him. No more letting him control your life.” Her hands give a firm, reassuring squeeze to yours.

You nod. “You’re right.” She smiles.

“Okay. Bring it here,” she says, pulling you into a hug. The second your head lands on her shoulder, you start crying. You didn’t even know you had to cry. She rubs her hand down your back, letting you use her as an outlet.

“What happens if I can’t, and nothing changes?” you sob. You feel helpless in your own life. Nothing you do will change what Beomgyu does or erase what you have done.

“Then you leave,” she answers simply. You tense up at the idea. Do you have it in you? You’re not nearly brave enough. “You come stay with me for however long you need. I promise.”

“How will I look at Soobin after this?” You should save everyone a whole lot of trouble and just call things off with him. The thought makes you feel sick, though. You don’t want to leave Soobin. You have a real connection with him. Beomgyu’s just getting in the way of it, fogging up your mind at every chance he gets.

Chaewon pulls you out of her embrace so she can look you in the eye. Her hands stay on your shoulders, firm and reassuring. “Stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake, but you’re not the biggest one at blame here.”

You wish that was true. You blame your lack of spine, your inability to keep your conscience clear, and your willingness to lie to save face. You look down at your lap in shame. If Beomgyu’s an asshole, then you’re perfect for him. You’re not as good as you’d like to think.

Chaewon calls your name to bring your attention back to her. “Soobin isn’t even your boyfriend. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Well, that’s true. You sniffle.

“Won’t he hate me now?” you ask.

“He has no right. As long as there’s no label, you two aren’t exclusive. Sure, things are a lot more complicated now, but you’re not a bad person for anything you did,” she says. You nod slowly. Her words help you so much. You would have gone crazy without her.

Maybe you should take her advice: leave Beomgyu and stay with her, at least until you can make up your mind. You can’t do that to him, though. He’d fall apart. It would honestly be hard for you, too.

“Thanks, Chaewon,” you say. You flop down onto the bed, letting your body sink into her mattress. “I’m so exhausted after that.”

“A good cry will do that to you,” Chaewon laughs. She lays down beside you and rests her arm over your waist. You pull yourself closer to her until you’re laying on her chest. You throw a leg over her, getting comfortable.

“Let’s order pizza,” you suggest.

“Yesss, and watch more of my show,” Chaewon adds. She picks up her phone and searches for a good pizza place that can deliver to her. As she does that, your phone screen lights up to signal that Beomgyu’s calling you.

“Oh my God,” you say, holding your phone up for Chaewon to see.

Chaewon smirks and shakes her head. “We summoned him.”

You sit up as you answer the call. “Hi Gyu, what’s up?”

“Not much, just wondering if you’re gonna be here for dinner?” he answers.

“No, I’m getting pizza.” Beomgyu hums on the other end, and it’s quiet for a few seconds.

“Are you with Soobin right now?” he asks. You’re displeased but unsurprised at his question.

“I’m with Chaewon,” you say flatly. Chaewon leans closer to you and points at your phone.

“Let me talk to him,” she whispers, fury in her eyes. You shake your head. You absolutely cannot let that fight happen.

“Oh. Are you sleeping over there?” Beomgyu asks. Chaewon nods with wide eyes, like you’d be crazy if you said no.

“I might, yeah,” you answer.

“Alright. Tell her I said hi. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back after work.”

“Yay, have fun with Chaewon then! Bye~” he sings.

“See you.” You hang up and turn to Chaewon. “Did you order the pizza?”

“It’s on its way,” she confirms with a grin.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You take a deep breath before you enter your apartment. You’re nervous to face Beomgyu again. Not knowing how he’s going to act is worrying you, because you don’t know if you’re going to walk in and get a normal night with your best friend, or more confusing confessions that toe the line between friendliness and something greater.

You don’t see him when you come in, so you wonder if he’s working. That would make your night less stressful. That proves to be wishful thinking, though, when shut the fridge after grabbing a drink and see Beomgyu walking into the kitchen. He greets you with a sweet call of your name.

You smile at him, but it doesn’t meet your eyes. After your conversation with Chaewon yesterday, the only thing that’s been lingering on your mind is how to finally put your foot down. Do you wait for him to try something to have that conversation? He’s going to be offended no matter when you say it, so maybe you should just get it over with. You don’t know.

“How was work?” he asks.

You shrug. “It was kind of a long day.” Not for any work related reasons, but you don’t tell him that part. Standing in the kitchen with him feels awkward now, even though it never used to before. You just can’t stop thinking about him in unfriendly ways, be it from his kiss or from his confessions.

You realize that these thoughts will only pester you worse and worse the longer you ignore the topic with Beomgyu. He’s talking about what he did at work today, but you’re barely listening. Your eyes linger on his lips as he speaks. You follow the movement of his hands as he rambles, thinking about how those slender fingers felt inside of you.

God, stop! This is why you should have never done anything with him. At this rate, you’ll never be able to have a normal conversation with him again. Your heart starts beating faster. You need to let him know that you need space. Fuck, why did you let it get this far? His sad eyes flicker in the back of your mind already.

Beomgyu moves to the couch, probably expecting you to follow him and turn on the television. Your feet stay planted where they are, watching him with careful eyes. He looks back at you when he realizes you didn’t trail behind him, staring at you expectantly.

You force yourself to move, walking slowly into the room with him. You sit on the couch, leaving a considerable amount of space between the two of you.

Now’s the time. Speak up, you have to. Don’t worry about his feelings. Think about Soobin. Do this for him—better yet, do this for yourself. Prove that you have it in you.

“Beomgyu,” you say. He furrows his brows, seeming confused at your serious tone. “We can’t do this anymore. I’m serious.” You steady your breathing as you look him straight in the eye.

“What do you mean?” he’s quick to ask. You know he’s not dumb enough to not understand what you meant. He grabs your hand to hold it, and you let him have it for a few seconds before you pull away.

“I mean, no more playing with each other. No touching, or kissing, or anything we wouldn’t normally do.” You’re anxious as hell, but you feel strong for once, and it’s nerve-wracking yet empowering. You’re setting your boundaries. No more reckless decisions that leave you regretting everything the next day.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “Why, cause Soobin said so?”

“No, because I said so,” you correct. He tilts his head as a frown starts to form on his face. You remind yourself that you can’t let him win. You remind yourself of everything that Chaewon said. Beomgyu will do anything he can to win, and you can’t let that happen.

He’s quiet for a moment, unnerving you. You know that he’s coming up with his pleas now. You have to cut him off before he can get anything out.

“You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you because of some dumb decision we made,” you say, hoping he’ll understand, but the sadness in his eyes only grows at that. He drops his head onto your shoulder and hugs you. Oh lord. You hug him back with a heavy exhale.

“What am I supposed to do? Watch you be happy with someone that’s not me?” he murmurs into your neck. You lean out of the hug so that you can look him in the eye. He needs to know you’re not breaking this time.

“Yes. It’s either that or we argue like we have been everyday.” It’s about time that he stops sulking at every mention of Soobin.

“Then I’ll take the arguments. I’ll take you yelling at me and hitting me, I don’t care. I just can’t take you being with him,” he says.

“I’d never do that,” you refute, sick at the idea of hurting him. “You have to listen to me. Let me see this out with Soobin. I want to at least give him a chance without you intervening.”

He sighs with a heavy heart. Is he going to let you win? That easy?

“Did Chaewon tell you to do this?” he asks. You drop your jaw in shock. He’s got some nerve asking that.

“That doesn’t matter, the only thing that does is that I told you we have to stop, and you need to listen.” You can’t believe he’s bringing Chaewon into this. He’s out of his mind if he thinks you’re going to let him blame her.

Beomgyu deflates into the couch and looks down at the floor. You ignore how your heart clenches. You can’t comfort him, that would be his window for turning this situation around. He has to know you mean this, so you walk away, going to your room and shutting the door.

You lean your back against the door and zone out, staring at the wall. Don’t think about how Beomgyu feels. Don’t think about how you might have ruined your friendship.

What do you do now? Will he want to talk to you anymore? Maybe you should have let him plead his case a little. He’s insecure, he can’t help it. You slide down the door until you’re sitting down.

You have to stop making excuses for him. He’s an adult, it’s time he acts like it. Chaewon’s right, you can’t keep giving him what he wants, and putting your foot down and hurting his feelings was the only way he was going to learn.

That’s what you’ve been doing, you suppose, but this time you mean it, and you hope he knows it. You’re going to have to put in more effort into resisting the urge to comfort him. If he keeps making things hard for you, you’ll have to start ignoring and avoiding him. The thought scares you.

You don’t want to think about this anymore. You wish you didn’t have to do this, but you had no choice. Your thoughts about him were driving you crazy, and you had to put a stop to it before they could get even worse. Not to mention how guilty you’d feel hanging out with Soobin if you continued letting Beomgyu have his way with you.

You open your phone and go to your chat with Soobin and type a quick message.

Hey

You just want to reassure yourself that you made the right choice. Hurting Beomgyu’s feelings can’t be for naught. You don’t expect Soobin to respond so fast, but he does.

[Soobin] Wow I was just thinking about you lol

[Soobin] Hi

Your heart skips a beat as you read his texts. He thinks about you?

Oh really? About what?

[Soobin] I wanted to see you again

You bite your lip and a smile grows on your face. See? Wasn’t this worth making Beomgyu a little sad? Wasn’t it a fair trade off? He’ll be okay, surely. And eventually, you might even stop feeling guilty for doing it, too.

You deserve to be able to talk with Soobin without your conscience barking at you. This is what had to happen. You’ll feel better about this when everything all works out in the end.

How about tomorrow?

[Soobin] I’d love that

Yayyyy

Finally something not shitty about my day

[Soobin] What happened?

You groan. Where do you even start?

Argument with my friend

[Soobin] Beomgyu?

Yep…

[Soobin] Well I’m glad I could make you happy for a minute then :)

You find yourself giggling at his message.

You’re cute

[Soobin] Thank you

[Soobin] You too

You almost squeal when you read that. He’s so shy when it comes to flirting, but when he does it, it never fails to give you butterflies. You imagine him blushing as he sent it, feeling a little hesitant to be so bold. What an endearing guy.

Finally, you feel like you can end the night on a decent note. You feel better now that you’ve got something to look forward to with Soobin. You don’t let yourself think about Beomgyu anymore tonight, not wanting to sink down that rabbit hole.

I’m gonna go to sleep, thanks for cheering me up hehe

And for everything that you do

Good night

[Soobin] Sleep well

[Soobin] Dream of me

Your heart flutters. Your fingers race across the keyboard.

Fingers crossed

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The air around you and Soobin feels so much lighter now that guilt doesn’t have you in its claws. You ended whatever you had going on with Beomgyu, and now you can focus more on Soobin. Your heart holds an open invitation for Soobin to occupy, you’re just waiting for the feelings to further bloom.

It’s unfortunate how early it gets dark out, but you don’t let it ruin your day. You bask in the glow of the streetlights as you and Soobin walk to the park.

“I used to come here all the time with my sister and nephew,” he says. You find a gazebo to sit under. From here, you have a perfect view of the frozen-over lake ahead of you. “We’d play tag with him, but we’d have to run super slow to give him a fair chance.”

You can see that image clearly in your mind, and it makes you smile at how cute it is. Soobin being such a family man is so charming to you. He has such marriage potential. You’re getting ahead of yourself, though.

“This seems like a good place to bring a kid. So much space to play,” you comment, looking out at the park. The grass doesn’t look so alive right now, and all the trees are bare, but it must be nice in the summertime. Even now, there’s something beautiful about it.

“Yeah, it makes me think about having kids of my own to run around in these fields.” The idea of a mini Soobin playing here makes you chuckle. He’d definitely have well-behaved kids. He would be a good dad.

“You want to stay here when you raise a family?” you ask.

“I think so. There’s a lot this place has in store. I’m a little attached to it,” he laughs. You wonder if you’ll think of the city so fondly one day too. You’ve only been here for a little over a year.

“Really? What’s the best thing in this city, then?” you ask and smile at him.

He looks at you for a long second, then lets out a little laugh. His cheeks are red when he looks back out at the lake. “I don’t know…”

You giggle, swooning over him yet again. “What about your hometown? What was it like there?”

“It was nice. I lived in a small area. I miss it sometimes, but I don’t think I’d go back. I think I mostly miss being a child,” he answers.

“I can relate to that,” you say. “Life’s harder now.” You think about the past week in particular and all the chaos with Beomgyu. Teenage you would never have imagined getting tangled up in something like this, especially not involving him.

“Things like this are good, though,” Soobin adds, smiling at you. “Things with you.” Your face heats up. He’s getting so flirty and brave.

“Same for me,” you say. “It’s good with you.” You spend a few quiet seconds admiring his face, letting the butterflies flutter wildly within you.

“I think it’s been long enough for me to ask this,” Soobin starts. Your body tenses in anticipation. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Oh god. The butterflies halt and replace their happy fluttering with silent dread. All of your effort is going into maintaining a neutral composition. You don’t want to let your internal dilemma show. Your heart is going haywire, like it’s trying to beat right out of your chest. You don’t blame it for trying to run away; a part of you wishes you could too.

“Can we wait a little longer?” you ask meekly. You fear hurting his feelings, but you simply need more time. This is not how you imagined this moment would go. You wish you could scream yes and jump into his arms, but things have gotten muddy in the past week. You need to sort everything out with Beomgyu first. If this is going to happen, you need to make sure it comes from a place of one hundred percent certainty. You can’t be exclusive with Soobin with Beomgyu lingering in the back of your mind.

If Soobin’s trying to mask his disappointment, he’s failing. Your heart drops. Is this where he leaves you? No—you’re not ready for that either. If he gets up right now, you’re ready to cling onto his jacket and beg him not to go. You don’t know what you just did. You messed up. You should’ve just said yes.

“I’ll wait however long you need,” he ends up saying. He stays right where he is. You sigh in relief and hug him. He lets out a noise of surprise, but is quick to hug you back.

“Thank you. I’m sorry. Things are just…” you trail off as you pull away from him. He brushes your hair out of your face. “…Confusing right now.”

“Is there someone else?” he asks.

You gulp. “Kind of. It’s… Beomgyu.”

“Oh, right. He doesn’t like me.”

You frown. “I don’t know why.”

“You really value his opinion,” he notes.

“It’s not only that…” you say, looking down at your hands fidgeting in your lap. Soobin lifts your head back up with a gentle hand. He smiles when your eyes meet.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. I’m ready whenever you are,” he reassures. He leans in to place a peck on your cheek. You heat up wildly.

“You should probably know, though,” you urge.

“No,” he insists. “Honestly, I don’t want to know. I’m just happy I get you to myself every time that I do.”

A weight lifts itself from your shoulders. You feel like you can breathe again. You’re lucky that Soobin is so understanding, and even luckier that he’s willing to wait for you to figure your own things out. He doesn’t owe you that, but you’re endlessly appreciative that he gives it to you anyway.

You lean into Soobin’s side and look out at the scenery in front of you. The two of you fall back into conversation, and you find yourself feeling sad when it’s time to go.

As you hug him goodbye, you feel inclined to just never let go. You feel so comfortable in his embrace. You insist on meeting up again over the weekend, and he puts up no fight in accepting. Gosh, he makes your heart race. Things are finally feeling good again.

notes: yayyyy what do we think?? chapter 2’s already at 7.6k and i’m estimating it’ll get up to ~17k-20k, but we shall see. i’m excited to hear ur thoughts, so feel free to leave feedback! 🤍

#txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt hard hours #beomgyu hard hours #beomgyu angst #txt angst #txt fic #beomgyu fic #soobin angst #soobin x reader #soobin fic

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shuafiles · 3 months ago

Text

lie to girls [l.jn]

you don't have to lie to girls. if they like you, they'll just lie to themselves.

MDNI, 18+

SUMMARY | it was hard watching jeno struggle with his relationship, but it was even harder when he ran to you for comfort every time. especially when you, his long-time best friend, have been in love with him for the longest time. but when jeno starts lying about where he’s going and who he’s with, you realize the biggest lie might be the one you’re telling yourself—that he’ll ever choose you. or girls will cry, and girls will lie, and girls will lose their goddamn minds for you.

PAIRING | bff!jeno x afab!reader (x univ student!jaemin)

CONTENT | university!au, best friends to ?, angst, infidelity (no i do not condone this), swearing, miscommunication, drinking, smut (fingering, oral [f receiving], nipple play, unprotected sex [dont do this], dirty talk, few degrading names, perv!jeno, voyeurism? [listening in], masturbation, cream pie), lowercase intended, doesn’t end in angst

FEATURING | nct dream, nct 127’s jaehyun, aespa’s karina & winter, le sserafim’s chaewon & yunjin, txt’s soobin, the boyz’s eric

WORDS | 25.9k

PLAYLIST | lie to girls – sabrina carpenter, everytime – ariana grande, focus – niki, wildflower – billie eilish, cry – cigarettes after sex

A/N | quick disclaimer that this is all fiction, and my depiction of the characters i used is far from reality. i wanted to make the characters (mostly y/n and jeno) a bit flawed but idk dont think too heavily and please read with an open heart and mind. enjoy! likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated (leaving feedback would be great!) <3

“hey.” jeno greeted you, standing at your front door, which only meant one thing. they fought again.

you pushed the door wider, letting him inside. he looked like a mess, his shoulders slumped, dark bags around his eyes, hair disheveled. even from afar, you could tell he was going through something. his phone was in his hand, checking for notifications, but he let out a huge sigh when the home screen was empty.

“do i even want to know?” you prodded, eyes watching him as he plopped down on the couch. his head tilted back on the headrest, mind filled with thoughts.

“you know how she is.” jeno mumbled, rubbing his face with his hands. “said she needed some space.”

unfortunately, i do know how she is. jeno’s girlfriend, karina. they’ve been together since first year of college when jeno met her at some random party. they were the kind of couple on campus that, at first glance, seemed perfect, but you knew all too well what kind of chaos haunted them in private. you were too familiar with how she behaved with jeno; most of the time, you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

jeno didn’t even have to say anything when you saw him at your front door. you have grown accustomed to this pattern: the same heartache, apologies, and cycle of hope and disappointment. and every time it occurred, jeno ended up here—at your door, at your couch, sulking.

you wanted nothing more than to scold jeno for letting himself get run over by her, but you kept your lips sealed. deciding that giving him comfort and support was what he needed right now.

“again, huh?” you sat down on the opposite side of him, tucking your legs beneath you.

“i don’t even know what that means, y/n.” jeno sighed, running his hand through his hair. he lifted his head to face you, gaze soft as he held eye contact with you. “one minute, everything’s perfect, and we’re fine, but suddenly, i’ve apparently done something wrong, and she won't even tell me.” his voice cracked, hopelessness evident in his tone. it pained you to see him like this. how many times is he going to let her do this to him?

“well, did you do something wrong?” you asked, but you knew jeno too well, he wouldn’t do anything to sabotage his relationship. sure, he has made mistakes in the past, but he was a good person, a good friend, and a good lover, you suppose.

jeno stayed silent for a moment, recalling if he had done something to make his girlfriend upset. “i–no, at least i don’t think so.” he shook his head, “i’ve just been busy with classes, but i always make time for her. and everything we’re together, i always try to make it special. you know?”

you nodded along to his words, resisting the urge to roll your eyes. you have heard this story countless times, you could probably recite it to him. it wasn’t unusual for karina to act like this; she’d get upset over something vague, and then jeno would beat himself up for it, but he’d still bend over backward to get her back.

“maybe she’s just going through something?” you said, trying to think of what to say to ease his mind.

you and karina were acquaintances at best. it’s not like you didn’t try to be her friend, but something about her attitude seems so off-putting. you weren’t entirely sure if karina was fond of you either. of course, you never told jeno any of these. you knew he wouldn’t listen, not when it comes to her. he loves her. he’d return to her every time, like a moth to a flame. and you’d be there, picking up the pieces when he got burned.

“i wish she’d just tell me what’s on her mind instead of leaving me wondering what i did wrong.” his face twisted into frustration with a mix of confusion.

“jen, you know i can’t help you if you don’t tell her what you’re feeling.” this time, you couldn’t hold back. “you’re supposed to tell her these, not me.”

jeno flinched at your words, somehow unsatisfied with your advice. “yeah… you’re right.”

you watched his expression, his eyebrows furrowed while he was deep in thought. “i’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted to hear.” you hesitated, knowing you were treading dangerous waters. “i just think… you deserve someone who actually appreciates you.”

jeno stayed silent, processing your words as if he hadn’t told himself that a million times. but for some stupid reason, he couldn’t keep it in his head. he looked down at his phone, tapping the screen once more, but to his disappointment, there was still nothing. “i know you’re just looking out for me, y/n. but… i just can’t give up on her. not yet.”

and just like that, you could feel him slipping away, back into her orbit, leaving you alone with all the things you couldn’t say, wondering when he would run back to you again.

“class dismissed.” the professor announced loudly, making you snap out of your dozy state. you weren't even sure if you paid attention to class today.

you quickly gathered your stuff, students leaving the lecture hall one by one. your phone buzzed in your pocket, fishing for it, you read the message from mark.

mark: yo dude heard jaehyun’s throwing a party tomorrow, wanna come? mark: also i think i saw jeno and she-who-must-not-be-named together

struggling to balance your laptop in one hand and type on your phone with the other; you barely noticed a figure stepping in front of you—until they bumped into you, sending you off balance.

“oh my god!” a familiar voice shrieked, karina. you lifted your head to see her arms linked with jeno. her faced mixed with shock and annoyance.

“sorry!” you mumbled, quickly gathering your belongings to be more composed.

“hey, y/n.” jeno smiled at you, your chest tightened at his bright face. after he visited you a week ago, you haven’t heard much from him, aside from his occasional responses in the group chat you share with mark and haechan. all you knew was he was busy trying to get his girlfriend back. you weren’t sure if they made up, given that he hadn’t contacted you at all, but seeing as they were currently inseparable, you could probably guess their relationship right now.

karina patted down her skirt and top as if she were the one who practically fell. “y/n!” as if it was on cue, she flashed you a smile. “haven’t seen you in a hot minute. you going to jaehyun’s tomorrow?” you felt sick to your stomach. something was unsettling about how karina spoke to you, or maybe it was all in your head, and you were thinking too deeply about it.

you hesitated, glancing down at your phone, rereading mark’s message. did you really want to spend an entire night seeing jeno and karina pressed up against each other now that they were back together?

“i might.” you sent her a small smile, “mark and haechan are going, i think i’ll tag along.” glancing at jeno for a second, who was intently staring at you. a pit formed in your stomach at the sight of him, he looked better compared to last week—more relaxed, at ease.

“great!” karina clapped her hands together, “we’ll see you there.” she took Jeno’s hand, pulling him away with a little more force than necessary. he stumbled slightly, laughing as they disappeared down the hall, his voice echoing through the space and leaving a familiar ache in your chest.

you took a deep breath, trying to shake off the interaction, and texted mark back.

you: where are u? need someone to talk to

“are you even surprised at this point?” mark let out, mouth filled with the sandwich he was munching on. you were both seated in the field of the campus, deciding to reconnect with mother nature after the encounter you just had. you told mark about how you saw them together and how jeno looked happy again. you stayed silent at his comment, closing your eyes as you basked in the sunlight. “how’d you feel seeing them together?”

mark knew you too well. he was one of the people you confided in about your feelings for jeno. him and chaewon, your roommate. in the same way, jeno kept running to you when he was heartbroken, you ran to mark and chaewon whenever you were in the same cycle.

just as jeno used you as his safe place, you had mark and chaewon. they were the ones who listened when you cried, over and over, thinking that maybe this time he’d see you differently. and every time, they were the ones who held you every time you fell down.

you were in love with jeno. how could you not be? you grew up together, spending your childhood years nearly every second of the day. you were there to witness every version of him—his awkward phase in middle school with braces and bowl haircut, the high school years when he was navigating through puberty, and now, the college student jeno admired by everyone.

you were there for it all.

you were six when you witnessed jeno’s first tooth falling out. you couldn’t forget the way the blood dripped from his mouth, making you bawl, yet he couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of the tooth on his hand.

you were ten when jeno first learned how to ride a bike. he came knocking on your door to show off his skills, but he fell and scraped his knees within five seconds of riding it.

you were thirteen when jeno came to you when he had his heart was broken. he wrote a letter to his crush admitting his feelings for her, but he came crying to you when he got rejected for the first time in his life.

you were eighteen when you and jeno sat in front of your laptops, awaiting the email of the university you had both applied to. you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around each other and squeal when you found out you both had been accepted.

however, you were sixteen when you first well in love with jeno. it was during prom when you got stood up by your date. jeno saw you sulking in the corner of the room, and without hesitation, he ditched his prom date to be with you for the rest of the night. he brought you to the dance floor and danced with you through every song.

every adult in your life was convinced you two would end up getting married due to your closeness, which he would always deny. each phase, each moment with jeno, made you realize how hard you were falling for him. he was your best friend, the only constant in your life. somewhere along the lines, you realized that friendship wasn’t enough for you.

but for jeno, it was the complete opposite. sure, he loved you, loved having you around, but there was this line between the two of you—one he never dared to cross. he was focused on finding love elsewhere, and it never occurred to him to look for it in the person who was always in front of him. you would be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t pain you that he has never once looked for love in you.

“does it even matter?” you sighed, feeling the sun dance across your skin. “you know he’ll always run back to her.”

“yeah, because you never told him how you felt.” mark scoffed, setting his half-eaten sandwich down while wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “who knows? maybe he feels the same.”

“don’t.” you warned him, sending him a glare while he just sheepishly shrugged his shoulders. it was too painful to entertain the idea, too exhausting to keep hoping. you were just his best friend, the person he ran to when he needed comfort, but never the person he’d choose. you hated it. you hated waiting around like a lost puppy for him. “can we just talk about something else, please.”

mark hummed, his eyes roaming around the campus. “why don’t you let loose at jaehyun’s party tomorrow? maybe even look for someone to distract you from him.”

you chuckled, hugging your knees to your chest. “if only it were that easy.”

it’s not like you didn’t try to suppress your feelings for jeno. in fact, you did everything you could think of, even going to great lengths such as downloading a dating app—due to haechan’s insistence to attempt casual flings, kissing random strangers at parties, and even having one-night stands with people from campus. yet no matter how hard you tried, your feelings for jeno still crept up like a shadow you couldn’t escape.

there were moments where you thought you were okay and accepted that you don’t always get what you want in life—until a memory of him would hit you out of nowhere, and you’re back to square one. you get reminded of his laughter, the soft eye-smile he would give you whenever he spotted you in a crowd, and his goofy side, which only came out when he was around you. the memories haunted you whenever you least expected it, and no dating app or reckless decision could erase them.

chaewon stood in front of your closet; arms crossed against her chest as she inspected your wardrobe. you were not afraid to dress slutty, in fact, you had a fair share of provocative clothes stashed somewhere in your closet. but the way chaewon was staring at your wardrobe made you rethink all your fashion choices.

“i should really take you out shopping more often.” she mumbled, more to herself than to you. she began rummaging through the hung clothes, trying to find the perfect outfit for tonight. “you’re wasting so much potential.”

you raised an eyebrow, “i think i look fine.” watching as she pulled out different articles of clothing.

“fine isn’t going to get you laid.” chaewon turned to face you, a bunch of different colored tops in her arms. “we need something that screams, ‘fuck you, lee jeno, look what you’re missing out on.’”

you’ve mentioned to her that jeno and karina would be there as a couple again. and she—as the most supportive best friend—made it her personal mission to make you look like the hottest bitch in the party, just to flaunt what jeno had been too blind to see. she wasn’t about to let you shrink in the shadows of jeno and karina’s perfect little bubble. she wanted to make sure that all eyes would be on you.

you sat on the bed, watching her make a mess out of your closet. “i’m not even sure if i’m ready to put myself out there.” you sighed.

chaewon shot you a pointed look, the kind you’d see on your disappointed friend's face. “please. this is why we need to get you into the sluttiest clothes ever. you need to stop thinking of him and start thinking of yourself, y/n.”

chaewon’s words hung heavy in the air. she was right. you needed to stop playing the part of a background character in jeno’s life. it was getting exhausting, and you weren’t sure how long you could keep pretending like it didn’t bother you at all.

“you’re right.” you murmured, fingers playing with another.

her face lit up as she pulled out a black leather mini skirt, paired with a tight red crop top that accentuates your curves perfectly. you forgot you even owned these. “found it!” she squealed, showing you her discovery. “perfect. you look hot in red.” shaking your head at her enthusiasm, you let out a laugh. she chucked you the clothes, taking the sign to go change into them. “babe, if jeno’s dick doesn’t stand up the second he sees you in this, then maybe he is blind!” sending you a wink as you walked into the bathroom.

as you changed into your new outfit, your stomach couldn’t help but flip as you stared into your reflection. chaewon was right, you did look hot in these clothes. you felt silly for putting this much effort into jeno, who would most likely give you a half-assed hug in return.

you shook your head as you tried to push him out of your thoughts. deciding to adjust your top just enough to show off the perfect amount of cleavage. you had to focus on yourself. whether or not jeno would notice you didn’t matter anymore. you were going to have fun.

“dang! look at you.” mark whistled as you walked into the kitchen where he and haechan were situated, with drinks in their hands.

you felt your cheeks heat up under mark’s approving gaze. haechan, on the other hand, was shamelessly checking you out. “was this chaewon’s doing? because, wow, you look amazing.”

their flirting wasn’t something out of the ordinary; you were close friends who knew when to boost each other’s confidence. you couldn’t help but laugh at their comments, eyes wandering around the place. jaehyun’s place was filled with students dancing, chatting, and drinking. lights flashing from the makeshift led lights he probably put up, the crowd bathing in neon lights. the air was thick with sweat, perfume, and cheap alcohol. the music was being managed by johnny, who was the designated dj for tonight.

“looking for someone?” mark teased as he watched you scan the environment, nudging heachan with his elbow, who was smirking.

“no,” you lied, but you knew they could see right through you. “just looking around.” haechan nodded, but his expression showed that you were being dishonest. he handed you a red plastic cup filled with something that smelled fruity but strong. you silently thanked him before drowning the alcohol down your throat. you couldn’t help but wince at the intense flavor.

“you sure? not looking for someone in particular?” mark chuckled, taking a sip from his cup.

before you could come up with a response, you felt a hand on your shoulder. your body froze before turning around to see who it was. of course, it was who you expected—jeno, with his usual eye smile—enough to brighten up the room. karina, who looked as beautiful as ever, was attached to his side with a smile on her face.

your heart sank, but you kept your expression light, flashing the couple a smile while locking eyes with jeno. you nearly missed the way his eyes traveled down your frame, but you weren’t sure if it was because you were intoxicated or you just wanted him to check you out. you swore his eyes lightly widened, but his gaze returned to karina as if nothing happened.

“hey guys.” jeno greeted, eyes wandering between the three of you but landing on you. you shifted beneath his gaze but shook it off; he was your best friend, of course. you gave him and karina a polite nod, although your stomach was churning at the sight of them.

“jeno!” haechan exclaimed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, making karina lightly lose her balance. her expression grew sour at haechan’s actions. “we missed you, man.” he jokingly puckered his lips to plant a kiss on his cheek, but jeno just laughed and tried to dodge his lips.

“here you go, dude.” mark handed jeno and karina a drink which they accepted and drank. the air suddenly felt tight, your chest pounding, so you looked at mark for help. he sensed your uneasiness, placing his cup down on the counter. “alright! time to dance, y/n, come with me.” mark grabbed your hand, guiding you towards the dance floor, feeling a gaze on you as you left the kitchen.

the music was deafeningly loud, bodies bumping into each other as you navigated the living room. you mumbled an apology to every person you hit, nearly stumbling, but mark’s grip on you saved you. once you finally found a spot, you let loose, moving to the rhythm as the lights flashed overhead. haechan and chaewon shortly found you, forming a crowd as you danced.

from across the room, jeno sat on a couch with karina perched on his side, her legs on top of his lap as her fingers ran across the back of his head.

“this party’s boring.” karina complained, letting out a sigh while taking another sip from her cup.

jeno didn’t respond. he wanted nothing more than to join his friends on the dance floor, but he knew it wasn’t karina’s crowd, so he decided to stay with her to avoid getting her upset. “you’ve been awfully quiet. did i do something?”

jeno shook his head, eyes landing on hers. “no,” he grasped her hand in his. “don’t you want to dance?”

“you know i’m not into this kind of scene, jeno. why’d we even come here?” karina scoffed, pulling her legs off his lap and crossing her arms. jeno pursed his lips, the tension between them rising.

“you said you wanted to see what the fuss was about, babe.” jeno sighed, running a hand through his hair. “i thought we could have fun together with my friends for once.”

“what’s that supposed to mean!” karina snapped, but jeno was listening to someone else in particular; a burst of laughter from the dance floor caught his attention. his eyes instinctively found you, spinning with mark and chaewon, a carefree smile on your face. he nearly sulked as he watched his friends have fun while he was sitting in a corner.

karina’s eyes followed to where jeno was staring at, her expressions souring even more once he realized jeno wasn’t even listening to her. “of course,” her voice cut through his trance. “you’re not even paying attention to me.”

chaewon caught what was stirring from the corner of her eyes, nudging you. “uh oh, trouble in paradise again.”

you sneaked a glance at where they were sitting; it was easy to spot jeno in a crowd. his back was hunched, karina’s eyebrows furrowed while speaking to him. you almost felt sorry for him.

jeno’s gaze met yours, you quickly looked away to pretend you were not snooping on them, but you knew he saw you staring anyway. you shook off your thoughts, trying to focus on having fun with your friends. you hated the effect he had on you. you hated how easily he got under your skin, how his presence could unravel the fragile composure you worked so hard to maintain.

meanwhile, karina had grown tired of jeno’s distracted demeanor. she stood up abruptly, clutching her purse in her hands. “i’m leaving.” she told jeno, annoyance evident in her tone.

“babe, wait—” jeno stood up, catching her arm, but she shrugged him off.

“stay if you want. don’t bother following me. i’ll text you whenever.” she snapped before storming out of the room.

jeno stood there, watching her back, slowly immersing herself in the crowd. for some reason, he couldn’t move; he didn’t want to move. the guilt of letting her storm off alone clashed with the relief of not encountering a full-on argument. he knows his actions will probably lead to a massive fight with her again, but he was just too tired to deal with it tonight. his eyes trailed back to where you were dancing, but you were no longer there; only mark and haechan remained.

you couldn’t handle another second of witnessing jeno and karina together. you decided to escape the crowd and find an empty room to gather your thoughts. thankful that jaehyun’s house was large enough to have an unoccupied room. the noise from the party was muffled the second you shut the door behind you.

you sat on the edge of the bed, sighing as you ran your hand through your hair. get it together. you scolded yourself before plopping back on the soft mattress. tonight was supposed to be about letting loose, but the sight of jeno with her was too unbearable. the room became unbreathable as thoughts clouded your mind. you often wondered why jeno couldn’t just look at what was in front of him. the way he made you feel like a teenager pining over her crush made you laugh.

soft knocks on the door snapped you back to life. curious, you stood up and hovered over the doorknob.

“y/n?” the voice from the other side of the door called out, making your breath hitch. “are you in there?”

jeno. why was he here? how did you know you were here? you hesitated before grabbing the doorknob and turning it to open the door. there he was—clad in a black shirt with some jeans, yet he still looked like he was crafted by the gods.

“jeno? what are you doing here?” you resisted the urge to ask him why he wasn’t with his girlfriend, but from the looks of the events earlier, they probably quarreled again.

jeno didn’t respond, instead, he moved past you and into the room you were occupying. you shut the door behind you, not bothering to lock it because you saw no need to. he sat on the edge of the bed, where you had previously sat.

you were lost. you don’t know how you should act right now, and jeno seemed so defeated.

“you’ve been avoiding me all night.” jeno spoke, his eyes trained on you. you were leaning against the door, a wide distance between the two of you.

you nearly laughed at the absurdity of his statement. “i wasn’t avoiding you, jen. you were just busy with karina the entire night.” it was true, you had no intentions of ignoring him. in fact, a part of you wanted to see him, to see you. even though you convinced yourself that tonight was about you, it wouldn’t hurt if he saw the effort you put on today.

he took a second to scan your frame, his lips tugging into a small smile when he reached your face. “you look nice.” your heart leaped at his compliment. throat going dry as you thought of words to say to him.

“you’re not so bad yourself.” you chuckled. the air felt thick, you weren’t sure if it was only on your end. you couldn’t help but let your eyes roam his body as well. you knew jeno was fit—he was always diligent about his attendance at the gym—and it surely didn’t help your thoughts that you had a massive crush on him. he looked great, so hot. it made it hard to think straight.

jeno’s eyes didn’t leave yours, his gaze was so intense that it made you want to cower and run away. you cleared your throat. “why are you here, jeno?” you asked, breaking the silence. even though you already anticipated the answer.

“we fought.” you knew it. “i just… i needed to get away for a bit.” of course, why else would he seek for you?

your heart banged against your chest. you wanted to comfort him, to be his solace as you had always been, playing the part of his best friend. but at the same time, you hated being his safe space, you hated how he ran to you only when things got messy with her. it was not fair.

“does she know you’re here?” you asked cautiously, watching as his face twisted into worry.

“she left.” jeno shook his head, leaning back against the mattress with his hands bracing him. you hated how casual he was being. “said i could stay here if i wanted.” his voice laced with frustration, eyes falling to the floor.

you nodded slowly, biting the inside of your cheek to prevent yourself from uttering words that you’d soon regret. as a best friend, you were supposed to tell him to go after her, to patch things up with her like he always does. but tonight, you wanted to be selfish. you wanted him to stay.

“and you came here?” the words left your mouth, and you regretted it immediately.

jeno lifted his head, eyes meeting yours once again. “yeah.” he said, standing up from his spot, taking careful strides towards you. your eyes widened when he approached you. “i came here.” he stopped in front of you, making you take a step backward, but your back just hit the wall, preventing you from moving any further. his frame towering over yours.

there were warning bells ringing in your ears as jeno’s eyes flicked down to your lips. it was subtle, but it was enough to send your thoughts spiraling. your mind was screaming at you to move, to say something, to do anything—but all your heart could focus on was him.

what was he doing?

he was getting dangerously close to you. his perfume hitting your nose, the familiar scent taking over you. the silence in the room was loud, his hand landing on the space next to your head, resting on the wooden door.

“jeno…” your voice came out soft, almost whisper-like, pleading him. although you weren’t entirely sure if you were pleading for him to stop or continue. your pulse racing as he leaned even closer, the gap between you shrinking. the invisible barrier you’d tried so hard to build came crashing down as his intoxicating scent painted the room with tension that grew impossibly thick.

jeno paused to stare into your eyes, looking for signs of doubt in them. his movements were cautious, as though he was giving you time to stop him—but your body betrayed you as you stood frozen in place.

this wasn’t—shouldn’t— supposed to happen. this wasn’t you. you weren’t supposed to have him this close to you—not when he wasn’t yours to begin him.

but the way he looked at you now, like you were his favorite dessert that his mother told him he couldn’t have at a grocery store, made it so hard to pull away.

“i—we can’t.” you croaked out, your voice betraying you.

“tell me to stop.” jeno mumbled, his lips barely grazing yours.

stop.

stop!

you couldn’t stop.

jeno crashed his lips to yours. his taste greeting your tongue, the flavor of alcohol mixed with something uniquely him. you gasped into the kiss, eyes shutting as your hands instinctively flew to his chest while his mouth moved against yours. he didn’t miss the opportunity to slide his tongue between your parted lips, roaming it around. you felt your knees weaken.

jeno was kissing you. and you were kissing him back. the moment you had dreamed of and longed for was becoming a reality. it was real—vivid, and more overwhelming than anything you could imagine.

his hands fell to your waist, pulling your body flush against his. your hands gripped his shirt, tugging him close to you. the heat of his body pressed against yours, sending shivers down your spine. the feeling of him getting hard against your thigh snapped you back to your senses. your eyes fluttered open with a surge of panic before pushing his body away. what have you done?

“what the fuck.” you whispered, hand reaching up to touch your lips that were on his mere seconds ago as if you couldn’t believe the affair that just occurred.

“y/n—“ jeno started, arms reaching out for you. but you pulled away from him. “hey, it’s okay.” he assured you. his expression turning soft as he watched your panicked state. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have—”

the kiss was replaying in your head, the vivid moment playing repeatedly to remind you it was immoral. but deep inside, you were floating on the clouds. jeno kissed you. you weren’t sure if you were sorry to begin with.

“i-i need to go.” you mumbled, turning around and grabbing the doorknob. jeno took a step back to give you some space.

“let me explain.” jeno called out, but you were already scrambling towards the door, needing to create distance between the two of you, leaving him and your chaos of emotions behind.

“i’m so excited!” chaewon squealed as she held onto your hand, practically dragging you towards the bus.

it was the annual retreat the student council had organized to help students destress and bond outside of academic pressure. this year, the arts and business departments were grouped to blend creativity and strategy. since you and chaewon were both visual design students, you agreed to be seatmates on the bus. mark and haechan were also coming along because they were music and dance majors, respectively. while it sounded like an excellent opportunity to unwind, you knew it also meant that jeno and karina would be there since they were a part of the department as business and fashion majors.

you haven’t spoken to jeno since your last encounter. you weren’t sure you had the right words to say to him. no one knew of what happened that night, and the guilt was clawing you alive. you contemplated whether to tell chaewon about it. you knew she was going to be by your side, but admitting that you kissed jeno while he was in a relationship with karina was something you didn’t want to say out loud. admitting it would make it real. and making it real meant facing the truth: you kissed someone else’s boyfriend. even if he started it.

the mere thought made you shiver. although jeno was equally responsible for the kiss that he initiated, you wondered if he told anyone about it, if he regretted it, or if he thinks about it as often as you did.

you would be lying to yourself if you said that you had already forgotten about the kiss. the memory of kissing someone you were in love with was not easy to bury. the feeling of his lips on yours haunted you on nights you couldn’t sleep, your heart racing at the faint thought of it.

you found yourself seated in the middle section of the bus. chaewon begged for the window seat, striking a deal to share her stash of snacks in exchange. students gradually filled the bus, mark and haechan seated on the aisle across from you, their banter already filling the air. it wasn’t long before jeno and karina boarded the bus, karina leading jeno with her hand in his. for a brief second, you locked eyes with jeno, whose face was filled with sorrow when he looked at you. you loathed it.

you quickly broke eye contact, but you swore his gaze lingered on you a bit longer. you faced chaewon, who was telling you about her latest boy drama. she noticed that your expression had shifted; she turned her head to see where you were just looking, and her suspicions were confirmed when she saw the couple.

“are you and jeno alright?” chaewon whispered, leaning towards you. “don’t think i saw you guys together since the party.” you stiffened. she was right.

chaewon was observant. she knew you too well. she noticed the small things, like how you look for jeno in crowds or how your mood shifts downward when you spot him with karina. it had been two torturous weeks since the party, since you had a secret you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell anyone. two weeks of trying to convince yourself that it didn’t mean anything—when deep down, you knew it meant everything.

and two weeks' worth of unread messages from jeno.

you thought back to the notifications you had stared at countless times, your heart clenching every time his name lit up your screen.

jeno: hey jeno: how are u? jeno: we should really talk jeno: let me know when ure free jeno: i miss u y/n jeno: pls dont ignore me

you had read them all. your fingers hovered over the keyboard countless times, thinking about what to say to him. what were you supposed to say? that you were in love with him? that the kiss meant everything to you while it was probably a drunken mistake for him? that you were drowning in guilt but couldn't help but think about the kiss? you decided that saying nothing would be better, giving you time to gather your thoughts.

but no matter how you tried, jeno was everywhere. in the halls, in your dreams, and now, on this godforsaken bus.

“yeah.” you smiled at chaewon, pulling on her arm so you could nest your head against her shoulder. “i’m just sleepy.”

“my ass hurts.” haechan whined dramatically as you got off the bus. mark chuckled at him while he extended his arms. the ride took three hours and you were all sore from sitting down, eager to stretch your legs. but the view was worth the pain.

the beach house that the council rented was massive. its modern design stands out against the blue ocean and white sand. large glass windows reflected the sun rays, and the sprawling deck held enough space for barbecues and hangouts. off to the side were lounge chairs arranged neatly with umbrellas softening the harsh sunlight. the waves crashing softly against the shore added a soothing background hum, instantly washing away some of your earlier tension.

“alright, everyone!” one of the council—who you recognized was soobin—announced, making heads turn to face him. “we’ll be assigning rooms in fifteen minutes. grab your stuff, and let’s meet in the living room.”

moments later, the group navigated to the now cramped space. you were sure there were at least twenty students in your house, and you wondered if it was enough to fit all of you. the rest are probably in the beach houses next door. the living room buzzed with activity. some familiar faces are scattered around the area; you gave them a polite nod when you met their eyes, thankful that they returned the gesture. you settled for the vacant space on the couch, with chaewon trailing behind you.

“settle down, guys.” soobin cleared his throat. the noise in the room died down, with jisung and chenle the last ones to squeeze into the room. soobin lifted his phone, assuming to read off the names and room assignments. “some already requested to be paired before this trip, so let me tell you which rooms you’ll be in.”

“chaewon and y/n.” soobin called out, head whipping to look for us, nodding once he spotted us. “you’ll be in room 3.”

chaewon let out a tiny clap with her hands, smiling at you brightly, to which you returned the energy. soobin continued announcing the names of the students who would be roomed together. mark and haechan are paired in the room across the hall from yours.

“i know some of you requested to be with your partners, but the school board requires us to separate male and female students.” soobin started, groans echoing throughout the room. “i know, i know. but this will just be for formalities. what you do after lights out is none of our business.” his comment drew waves of laughter and grins.

“jeno and renjun.” he continued, looking around the room. “room 6.”

the sound of his name made your stomach drop, nearly forgot that he was in the same room as you. you tried to keep your expression neutral as your eyes shifted to him, who was leaning against the wall with karina on his side.

“find your rooms and settle in. dinner’s at six. feel free to explore the area until then.” soobin finally finished disclosing information, and everyone hurried off to find their respective rooms.

chaewon led the way to your room, with you trailing behind her, struggling to navigate the vast house with your bags. the weight of your stuff was slowing you down, and you silently cursed yourself for your overpacking tendencies. startled, a pair of hands who obviously saw you struggle helped you carry them. you lifted your head to say thank you, but the words got stuck in your throat when you locked eyes with your rescuer, jeno.

“i could’ve carried them.” you mumbled, watching as he effortlessly carried your bag with one arm, and—you're assuming—his and karina’s bag in another. speaking of, where was she?

“just accept the help.” jeno replied, his tone simple. a wave of emotions washing over you—guilt, confusion, and something you did not want to name. this was the first time you’d talked to him since the incident. “lead the way.” pursing your lips, you ascended the stairs, feeling him trace your steps but not utter a word.

shortly, you found chaewon standing in front of a bedroom door, which you’re guessing is your room. her eyes widened when she saw who was behind you, but you’re thankful she didn’t mention anything.

“i can take it from here.” you told jeno, who nodded. he handed you your bag, his fingers grazing your skin as you retrieved it from his grasp. you don’t know if you were going crazy, but you swore sparks shot out of your entire body from the mere touch of his skin.

get a hold of yourself.

you thought to yourself. you have experienced jeno’s touch before, but why were you acting like a teenage girl who got to hold her crush’s hand for the first time?

you muttered a thank you to jeno before following chaewon, who had already entered the room. but before you could cross the doorway, you felt a hand on your arm. your heart speeded up at the contact. head turning to face him, he opened his mouth to talk, but no words came out.

“can we talk?” jeno asked, his eyebrows twisting in concern. “please?”

“later.” you affirmed, sending him a weak smile. “come over later.”

his lips tugged upward into a tight smile before nodding and walking away to enter his room, which you saw was just a few doors away from yours.

you shut the door behind you once you entered the room, sighing against it. chaewon watched you with worried eyes, and it took everything in you not to admit to her and cry in her arms. still, the weight of her stare told you that she knew something was wrong.

“had a small fight with jeno.” lie. “don’t worry, i’m used to fighting with his ass.” you dryly laughed. you knew she didn’t buy it but decided to let it go, not wanting to pry when you’re obviously not in the mood to talk about it.

you took this time to scan the room. two single beds in the middle of the room with a bedside table separating them. light blue wallpaper covering the wall, the sunlight peeking through the glass windows. and the view showcased the ocean’s beauty, which made you smile. maybe this retreat wouldn’t be so bad after all?

“you look hot!” chaewon complimented as you slipped into denim shorts. you were wearing a light pink two-piece bikini that was enough to prevent public indecency.

haechan texted you, saying that he, mark, and a few other people were hanging by the beach, and of course, you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to feel the ocean breeze on your skin. you immediately pulled out the bikini you packed for this trip.

“look who's talking!” you giggled, pointing to her black bikini that perfectly hugged her body. “who will be the lucky guy tonight?” you wiggled your eyebrows teasingly, which she just laughed at.

“whoever it will be, i just hope he’s good in bed.” chaewon fake sighed, making you jokingly pat her arm.

the sun was about to set. some students were already grilling dinner to serve to everyone, and some were mingling by the pool. you could not wait to spend time with your friends to take your mind off him.

the two of you left your room and walked down the hall towards the beach. the faint sound of familiar voices filling the air as your toes reached the sand. you spotted mark, whose back was facing you, seated on a camp chair circling a fire. the cool breeze brushing against your skin as you neared them.

“there you guys are!” haechan exclaimed once he spotted you. he patted the empty chair for you to sit next to him, which you did. chaewon sat on the empty one next to yunjin, who was also in your year. you said your greetings to everyone around the fire, thankful that you were familiar with all of them.

the scent of the ocean filled your nose. the sounds of seagulls flying echoed the air. the warmth of the fire dancing on your skin. it felt soothing not to have to think about the stress of academics. however, your solace was cut short when a familiar couple took the spot directly in front of you.

“why don’t we play a game!” jisung, seated beside haechan, suggested, voice cutting through the conversation.

“what are we? twelve?” chenle scoffed, leaning against his chair while taking a sip out of his cup.

jisung smirked, punching him lightly. “come on, live a little, you prude.”

“bet you’re going to suggest tru-“

“truth or dare!” jisung suggested, eyes lighting up mischievously, earning a chorus of groans from the crowd, which you chuckled at.

“i think it’ll be fun!” chaewon chimed in, voice raising as she clapped her hands.

jisung scanned the area, “alright, let’s see!” a finger tapping his chin as he picked his first target. “jeno, truth or dare?” all eyes landed on him, including yours, watching as he contemplated what to choose.

jeno chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “truth.”

“boring.” jisung groaned but conjured up a question anyway. “who is the prettiest woman in this circle? and it doesn’t have to be your girlfriend!”

“jisung, you’re being weird.” renjun interjected, shaking his head in disapproval.

“what! it’s called truth or dare for a reason.” jisung defended, putting his hands up in defense.

jeno stayed silent for a second before he lifted his head. you swore his eyes lingered on you for too long before uttering his answer. “karina, of course.”

“boo!” jisung chanted, but some were in awe of his loyalty to his girlfriend. karina, who was next to him, jokingly rolled her eyes before kissing jeno on the cheek. you stayed silent, chewing on your bottom lip, trying to avert your gaze from the affectionate display.

“eric!” jisung called out. heads turned to him, who was seated beside you. you followed their gaze to see the handsome male.

“dare.” eric smirked, leaning forward in confidence.

“finally, someone who’s not a pussy.” jisung grinned mischievously, rubbing his hands together. “i dare you to kiss the prettiest woman in this circle.”

“dude, what is your obsession with pretty girls.” you heard mark whisper.

the circle broke into fits of laughter, but what happened next came as a shock to you. eric turned to face you, your eyes widening once you realized what he was asking. the laughter died down as everyone’s attention shifted towards the two of you. his eyes met yours, and your heart began pounding as the realization hit.

“what—” you started, but the words barely left your mouth before eric leaned in. his lips inches away from you, staring into you as if he was silently asking for permission. you froze, not retracting your face away. you gave him a tiny nod of confirmation. he placed a soft kiss on your lips, lingering just a second too long for it to feel innocent.

the group erupted into a mix of cheers, gasps, and whistles.

“my guy didn’t even hesitate!” mark exclaimed, patting eric on the arm. you pulled away from eric, cheeks heating up from the amount of people witnessing the dared kiss.

you didn’t want to, but you couldn’t help but sneak a glance at jeno. his expression was curious, his previous relaxed demeanor replaced by something you couldn’t understand, making you wonder if it was because of you.

eric leaned back into his seat, a cheeky grin on his lips. “sorry if it was too forward.”

you let out a small laugh, brushing it off. “it’s fine.” tucking a strand of hair behind your ears.

“moving on!” jisung announced, “renjun, truth or dare?”

jisung’s words faded away as your attention averted to something—someone—else. from the corner of your eye, jeno’s gaze was flickering between you and eric, his jaw clenching as he gripped the red plastic cup in his hand.

haechan leaned to you, mouth near your ear. “think that’s because of you?” he whispered as if he read your mind. he was always the one to tease you about your feelings for jeno.

“don’t be absurd.” you glared at him, pushing him away, but he only laughed. but deep inside, your thoughts were all over the place, with jeno’s reaction lingering in the back of your head, making things feel infinitely more complicated.

a knock on your door pulled you out of your trance. you decided to head back to your room, leaving the group behind to catch up on some well-deserved sleep. you were feeling overwhelmed with the social interaction you had to go through today, quietly slipping yourself away from haechan’s coercion of trying to make you stay longer. not to mention it seems like jeno and karina were getting heated up from the amount of affection they were displaying. you did not want to stick around when things escalated.

curious, you stood from the bed and gripped the doorknob before turning it and opening the door.

“hey.” jeno greeted, a sheepish smile on his face.

the wind was knocked out of you. you forgot you asked him to come over, seeing him in front of you made you nervous.

“jeno.” you breathed, .

“can i come in?” red exclamation marks were clouding your vision, but you shook them off, pulling the door wider so he could pass through.

jeno stayed silent as he entered your room, eyes wandering around the place for a second before facing you. you were almost certain you felt deja vu by your current positions.

“i wish you would stop avoiding me.” jeno started, “i know what i did was uncalled for, but i—it was—“

“did you tell her?” you interrupted, voice sounding sharper than you intended.

“i—no.”

“jeno.” you glared at him.

“i know! i feel so fucking guilty about it, too, okay? but i—“ jeno took a step forward to you. “have a lot in my head.”

“imagine how i feel!” you shot back, voice jumping an octave. “i made out with someone else’s boyfriend.” you whispered the last part as the weight of your words sank in.

“fuck, y/n. it’s not easy for me either.” his eyes were trained on you with an expression plastered on his face that you couldn’t quite understand.

“what are you saying?” frustration lacing your voice.

jeno thought for a second, letting the silence fill the air as he racked his mind of what to say. “do you like eric?”

“what? no!” you replied instantly to his ridiculous question. why does he even care if you had feelings for eric?

“does he kiss better than me?”

“are you insane?” you spat. “are you literally joking about this right now?”

“i’m not joking.” jeno inched closer to you. your heart racing once his scent reached your nose, his warmth radiating off his body. “does he?”

thoughts clouded your mind. why would he even care if eric was a good kisser? he had karina. a girlfriend who he had been with for years. “i’m not answering that.” you shook your head, crossing your arms across your chest in an attempt to build a wall between the two of you.

“i want to kiss you again.”

“what?” your knees grew weak at his confession. staring at him as if he had three heads. was he hearing himself right now?

“can i?” jeno grabbed your arms, making them uncross from your previous stance. so much for building a wall. “kiss you…” he dropped his grip from your arms, caressing your cheek with his hand. “again?” his thumb sliding down just enough to reach your lips.

“jeno…” you begged, almost sounding like a whimper.

“just… one more time, please?” he pleaded, gaze dropping to your lips. you didn’t miss the way he licked his lips before flickering his eyes back to meet yours.

“this is wrong.” you whispered, voice unsteady. your words contradict your actions.

“i know.” his breath fanned your face. “but i can’t stop thinking about our kiss.” his lips dangerously close to yours. the weight of his confession sending you into a spiral. “tell me to leave.”

you stayed silent. the words hung in the air, heavy with anticipation. the internal battle inside you faltered as you slowly caved in. you slightly shook your head no, and that was all he needed.

jeno kissed you like he had been waiting his whole life for it. you reciprocated his energy, arms flying around his neck to tug him closer to you. his arms wrapping around your waist to pull your body against him. you whimpered against his lips when you felt his cock hardening, just by your mere.

“fuck.” jeno whispered, hands cupping your face as he pulled away from your lips. “i need you so bad.” desperation lacing his voice.

“w-what?” you froze, not expecting things to escalate so quickly. “jeno, kari-”

“she’s mad at me.” oh. “told me not to bother looking for her tonight.” his expression turned sour from mentioning her girlfriend. odd.

your heart raced. is that why he was here? to look for release?

as if he read your mind, he was quick to respond. “you’re not a placeholder for her, y/n.” this was the first lie jeno told you. “i’m here for you.” he reassured.

jeno leaned in and kissed you again, the kiss soft and filled with need. your mind is still on the fence about the entire situation, but by the simple “please?” he uttered, your walls came crashing down. it felt like you two were the only people on earth.

one thing led to another; you found yourself laying on the mattress with jeno in between your legs. his lips on yours as he kissed you hungrily, his hands playing with the hem of your shirt. he pulled away from you, looking at you for confirmation before you nodded. he slipped the shirt off your frame, eyes roaming your bra-clad body the second you were exposed.

feeling vulnerable beneath his gaze, you moved to cover yourself, but his grip on your arms prevented you from doing so.

“don’t.” he muttered, leaning down to place a kiss on your chest. “beautiful.” his hand snaked behind your back, his fingers grazing the clasp of your bra. “can i?”

you nodded, and in a swift motion, the clothing fell down your chest. your heart speeding up as his fingers trailed from your back to just below your breast. he looked into your eyes for any signs of doubt, but you didn’t provide any. you needed him badly.

you reached for his shirt, tugging it as a sign. he noticed the signal and pulled away from you, lifting his shirt off his body. your eyes shamelessly traveling down his toned chest, feeling a wave of heat forming between your legs. damn his addiction to working out.

“you can touch me, you know.” jeno chuckled once he saw your mouth slightly part at the sight. you took his words as a sign to caress his chest, down to his abs and just above his abdomen, making him groan. “didn’t know you’d be such a tease.”

“shut up.” you mumbled, hands playing with the buttons of his jeans. “i’m taking my time.” you admired his body; after all, you had only been dreaming of this moment.

“oh?” jeno teased, grabbing you by the thighs and pulling you down so your core was close to his crotch, making you gasp. “well, i need you now.” he whispered before attaching his lips to yours, hand reaching up to your breast to knead the skin, making you moan against his mouth. his free hand reached in between your bodies to cup your core, the wetness seeping through as he gently rubbed up and down.

his cock growing against your core, feeling your body heat rise at the sensation. his fingers hooked the waistband of your shorts before sliding them down your legs, leaving you completely exposed.

in an abrupt motion, jeno took off his pants and boxers. his cock springing against his abdomen, the head red and precum spilling from the tip. you licked your lips before reaching to pump his cock. he was so big and thick, better than you could ever imagine.

“fuck.” jeno grunted against your touch, hips bucking to meet your hands. “i-i don’t have any condoms.”

“just pull out, i trust you.” you bit your lip. “and i’m on the pill if that helps.”

“why didn’t you start with that?” jeno replaced your hand with his. aligning his length with your entrance. spreading your wetness with the head of his cock.

you whimpered at the sensation before he slowly pushed into you. muted gasps leaving your lips, mouth falling agape as you grew accustomed to his size.

“shit—“ jeno’s hands fell to your hips, gripping on the skin. “you’re so tight.” he said, fully burying himself into you. your insides were burning from the lack of foreplay, but you didn’t care; you wanted him—needed him—before he slipped out of your grasp again. tears pricked your eyes as he adjusted himself. he stayed still, waiting for any confirmation from you. “i know, i know.” he muttered, pressing a kiss on your forehead once he saw your pained expression. “it’ll feel better, i promise.”

a few moments later, you tapped his thigh as a signal. he carefully moved his hips, slowly thrusting out before fully pushing in again. once you got used to his movements, moans spilled from your lips. he took this as a sign to increase his speed.

“god—“ you cried out, hands gripping the sheets beneath you. “jeno!”

his hands reached for your breasts, massaging them while simultaneously playing with your nipples. your back arched against the mattress when his fingers circled the sensitive buds.

your hips bucked up in an attempt to meet his thrusts, making him pick up the pace even more. “so good for me.” he praised, making your head dizzy. his lips find your neck, sucking and licking on the skin.

lewd sounds escaping your lips from his actions. your hand flew to grip his hair, tugging it lightly, making him grunt. the familiar knot forming in your stomach as he picked up his pace. your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, the new position allowing him to bury his cock even deeper.

you cursed out his name as his tip perfectly hit the spot that drove you insane. “f-fuck.” you managed to let out. hands falling to his shoulder, fingernails slightly digging into his skin.

sweat trickled down jeno’s forehead as he pulled away from your neck. his eyes trained on you—his best friend—as you took his cock.

“are you gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” jeno grunted, watching your breasts bounce from his every thrust. he licked his lips at the sight.

you nodded, biting on your lip. “god—yes!”

jeno slipped his hand in between your bodies, fingers finding your clit. he circled the sensitive nerve, adding even more pleasure, making you near your orgasm even more.

“come on, baby.” jeno whispered, lips capturing yours. “cum for me.”

you clenched around him. your release begging to be freed, with a few more thrusts from him. you came crashing down on his cock. moaning loudly as you chased your high. you were thankful that almost everyone was busy getting drunk on the beach.

“oh my fucking god.” jeno groaned, watching as you squirmed beneath him. your back arching, giving him a perfect view of your tits. and soon enough, his orgasm hit him; he quickly pulled out, spilling his cum all over your stomach.

you lay there breathless, chest heaving as you recovered from your high. jeno pulled his body away from you, walking into the connected bathroom before coming back with a roll of tissue. he peeled a fair amount before rushing to wipe his cum all over you.

you giggled when his hands reached your sides, feeling ticklish. you watched him clean you up, and suddenly, reality came crashing in.

you just fucked someone else’s boyfriend. the air suddenly felt tight as jeno trashed the dirty tissues. he reached for his pants, slipped them on before reaching for your clothes, and placed them near you.

“oh my god.” you whispered as your realization kicked in. your hands reaching for the covers to hide away from him somehow.

“what’s wrong?” jeno asked, brows furrowed as he watched you try to scramble away from him.

“jeno, we just fucked.” you reminded him, reaching for your shirt to cover yourself up.

“we’ve literally known each other for years, y/n. i don’t think now’s the time for you to be shy.” he chuckled, slipping his shirt on.

“that’s not—jeno, what about karina?”

jeno froze, expression twisting into worry at the mention of his girlfriend’s name, but he quickly shook it off, masking his unease. “don’t worry, i’ll take care of it.” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact with you. his words felt empty, a hollow reassurance that only deepened the pit in your stomach. you weren’t exactly sure what he was promising—what was he going to take care of? “i can’t stay here tonight.” he moved closer to the doom “i’ll see you soon?” his hand lingered on the doorway, finally fixing his gaze on you.

then it hit you like you were punched in the gut, and it all made sense now. you weren’t sure if jeno was here to patch things up with you or dig a hole even deeper, but given your past activity, you could only guess he made the decision for the latter. jeno was just here for a quick release. and who better to turn to rather than his best friend—the one he knew would always bend over backward for him?

you sat there, unable to move. you were equally to blame. you had let this happen. you let yourself fall down his trap, even though warning signs blared in your mind. you let yourself believe that he was capable of having feelings for you beyond friendship.

“right,” you nodded curtly, voice barely audible. “see you.”

jeno hesitated for a second, “don’t be a stranger, okay?” he said before slipping out the door. the soft click of its closing was deafening, and the silence that followed felt suffocating.

your gaze stilled on the door. his presence still lingering at the back of your head. he said he couldn’t stay, but you wondered if he wanted to. or were you just a convenient distraction, someone to make him feel grounded while he sorted his mess with karina?

tears welled in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away. chaewon could be coming in any second—quite grateful that she didn’t when jeno was balls deep in you—and you refused to show any vulnerability, not when it comes to him. not this time, you couldn’t keep doing this—not to him, or karina, and definitely not to yourself.

your little secret was eating you alive.

here you sat, curled up on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment with chaewon. it was one of those rare nights when you and your friends—chaewon, mark, haechan, and jeno (when he wasn’t busy quarreling with karina)—could indulge in your movie night tradition.

the aroma of buttered popcorn filled the air, and a pile of blankets and pillows was scattered around the room. you were seated on the loveseat couch with chaewon beside you, her legs resting on your lap. mark and haechan were below you, sitting on the air mattress you had put out specifically for this night. and jeno splayed himself on the comfortable armchair. the tv illuminated the room as the opening credits of a classic rom-com played, but you were barely paying attention. how could you? your mind was floating, caught in a web of guilt.

after the encounter you had with jeno, you were convinced he was going to do the right thing—either end things with karina or at least come clean about what happened. but alas, you heard that he somehow made up with her, leaving you wondering and confused.

you felt used. it wasn’t that you expected he would ditch karina and be with you; you weren’t that naive. you simply hoped it would be the start of shifting your relationship—if you could even call it that—with jeno. but instead, he was still hesitant about crossing the line from friends.

jeno was within your peripheral vision, laughing at the comment mark had said about the movie. the sound of his voice made your stomach feel uneasy. he seemed so unbothered, so perfect and fine, yet you felt like you were drowning from the weight of what the two of you shared. it felt unfair.

you couldn’t bring yourself to tell anyone, not chaewon, not mark. you were carrying the burden alone. but jeno’s every glance at you made your body feel like it was under a spotlight.

it didn’t help that you hadn’t spoken to jeno about it. granted, you were both busy with university and this was the first time you’d been in the same room as him since the trip. talking through the phone just doesn’t seem enough for the weight of your conversation.

“why are you so quiet tonight?” chaewon asked, munching on popcorn. “you okay?”

“of course!” you shot her a smile, reaching for the bowl she had with her and popping some popcorn in your mouth. “just really wanted to watch this movie.” you lied, hoping she wouldn’t see right through you. she believed you, dropping the subject.

if only you could bury the truth as easily as you buried your feelings.

from the corner of your eye, you knew that jeno tuned in to the brief conversation, his expression dropping from the tone of your voice.

the movie continued. the comedic skits drew laughter from mark and haechan. chaewon lets out squeals whenever the main lead does something romantic. despite the bubbly atmosphere, you couldn’t fully immerse yourself in the group. you sneaked another glance towards jeno, whose gaze was directed to his phone.

his screen lit up, indicating a notification, and his fingers hovered over the keyboard. the soft glow gave you enough light to see his jaw tense slightly. you didn’t even have to think for a second that the text had come from karina. you felt foolish for somehow believing him when he said he would take care of it.

jeno stood up abruptly, drawing everyone’s attention. “i—uh have to go.” he announced, pocketing his phone and reaching for his jacket.

“what? i thought we were having a sleepover!” haechan whined, tossing a piece of popcorn in his direction.

“yeah, dude, the movie was just about to get interesting.” mark chimed in, his eyes darting to the screen, making sure not to miss a scene.

jeno could only muster a chuckle. “sorry, something came up. it’s, uh, family stuff.” he lied through his teeth. his eyes avoided yours no matter how intent you were staring at him, which alone was enough to confirm your suspicion.

why did he lie about seeing karina?

“everything okay?” chaewon asked, concern dripping from her tone.

“oh yeah, nothing serious. they just need my help with something.” jeno assured, enough to not worry anyone.

you stayed silent, watching as he lied about his whereabouts. you merely nodded at his words, not having the right words to say. they all bid their goodbyes, and you managed to utter a tiny “bye” to his departure. you swore he turned back one last time before leaving, not to look at the group but to look at you. the look on his face was unreadable, and you hated how you couldn’t see right through him.

once jeno left, everyone returned their attention to the movie. your chest felt much lighter by his absence, but once you thought about where or who he was going to, you felt a commotion stir inside you.

“how’s it going with you and jeno?” mark casually asked, making you panic. worried that you might have let something slip.

“what do you mean?”

“figured out how to get over that crush of yours?” oh. chaewon and haechan’s ears perked up, looking at you for confirmation.

“i’m trying.” you kept your answer curt, shrinking into the cushions, trying to avoid the discussion.

“you know, i have this friend, and i think he’d be perfect for you.” mark started, head turning to face you, a mischievous smirk plastered on his lips. “good looking, smart, studying for his medical degree, loves cats.” he listed, trying to make his friend sound as attractive as possible.

“what? are you trying to set me up on a blind date?” you raised your brow at him, which he only sheepishly smiled at.

“well, technically, it’s not blind, i have a feeling you’ve seen him around.”

“please! this is exactly what you need.” chaewon chimed in, nudging your body.

“i don’t know…” you trailed off hesitantly.

“why not?” haechan jumped in. “it’s not like you have anything to lose, right? and besides, it’ll be fun.”

“and it will be a good distraction from you-know-who.” chaewon chipped in.

they were all looking you, waiting for your response. you paused, contemplating their suggestion.

they were right. you had to stop considering Jeno in all your decisions. especially after tonight when he so painfully cannot let go of her even after your moment with him. it was clear where you stand in jeno’s life—his best friend who he had slept with. going on a date with a handsome stranger did spark something within you.

“fine.” you sighed, making them cheer. mark already reached for his phone. “don’t make me regret this.”

as excitement filled the room, you couldn’t help but be thankful that your friends were helping you keep your mind off of jeno. maybe this distraction was precisely what you needed.

you fixed your hair in the mirror's reflection one last time before heading out. today was your date with mark’s friend, jaemin. his name sounded oddly familiar to you, but you couldn’t pinpoint where you heard it. you figured it was a common name around the city, so you brushed it off.

to say you were not nervous would be a lie. your heart beat against your chest as you waited for the knock on your door. mark sent you jaemin’s number so you could set up the details yourselves. you’ve briefly exchanged conversations with the mystery guy, and you found out he was in the same year you were at university. it made you wonder if you had crossed paths with him.

jaemin persistently insisted that he come to pick you up at your place, claiming he is a gentleman. which was a massive check in your book, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say no. it was charming and refreshing. so here you were in a white silky long-sleeve dress that stopped mid-thigh, stocking on, and nice cute heels to go along with the outfit. he had told you to dress not too fancy but not too casual either, and you figured this was the best you could come up with.

moments later, the inevitable knock on your door came. you smoothed out the fabric of your dress before approaching the door.

“hi–” you pulled the door open and faced him, the wind knocking out of your body once you laid eyes on him.

jaemin was gorgeous. his black hair falling in the most perfect way possible. he was dressed in a black shirt that peeked through his jacket, paired with dark denim jeans. he emitted a calm, understated confidence that made your stomach flutter and your cheeks warm.

“hey.” jaemin greeted you, a smile on his lips, his voice warm and comforting. “you look—wow, stunning.” he breathed, feeling shy beneath his gaze.

“hi, jaemin.” you replied, returning his grin. “thank you. you’re not so bad yourself.”

jaemin chuckled, holding out his arm in a cheesy way. “shall we, m’lady?”

“oh god.” you covered your face with your hands.

“i’m kidding.” jaemin reached out to pull your arms away. “come on.” he slipped his grip from your arms to your hands, locking his fingers with yours. a bold move, but you liked it.

jaemin opened the car door for you. you silently thanked him as you slipped into the passenger seat. he closed the door gently before jogging to the driver's side.

“so,” jaemin spoke once he started the car. you turned to face him. “are you nervous?” a hint of playfulness in his eyes.

you couldn’t help but laugh at his question. “kinda.” you admitted.

“good, that makes the two of us.”

the car ride was surprisingly comfortable. the small talk flowed easily, revealing more of his sweet and kind nature. you noticed how he drove the perfect speed to not make you nauseous, how he would avoid the potholes in the street so the ride wouldn’t be bumpy. you were hoping this entire night would keep your mind off the chaos you tried to bury.

he pulled up to a restaurant that was part of town that you were unsure if you’d been to before. the minimal but sophisticated signage illuminated the name that you were sure you couldn’t pronounce.

jaemin didn’t forget to open your car door for you once again. his hand resting on the small of your back as he navigated the both of you through the dimly lit restaurant. fancy. he gave his last name to the host before you were both assisted to your seats. as you followed the steps of your waiter, a familiar laughter erupting in the air made you stop in your tracks

no. it couldn’t be.

“jeno!” jaemin greeted the young man. jeno turned his head as he heard his name called, and his familiar eye smile made its way to his face once he saw jaemin. but his expression quickly faltered when he saw you were next to him. when did this happen? he wondered.

across from jeno was—you already guessed it—karina, who was slicing through her steak, unbothered by the newly arrived presence.

blood raced through your head, feeling dizzy when the two men exchanged greetings and surprisedness. of course, that was why jaemin was so familiar, he was jeno’s roommate! you have only been to jeno’s apartment a few times, and he told you that he had a roommate who was busy with his medical degree, so he always opted to hang out at your place. you never would’ve imagined that he was the same jaemin that lived with jeno. you silently cursed mark and his conniving ways; he probably set this up on purpose, too.

you stood still, watching the scene before you unfold. the air suddenly felt tight as the waiter pointed to the two vacant seats directly beside jeno and karina. ringing noise infiltrated your ears as jaemin smiled and pulled out the chair for you to sit in.

“can—are there any other seats?” you asked the waiter. this time, karina dropped her utensils at the familiar voice, her brow raising at the sight of you. “i just—it’s too hot in here.” you stammered, gripping the back of your chair.

the scene in front of you felt like a cruel twist of fate. the universe couldn’t have planned this better if it had tried. out of all the restaurants in the city, you just had to end up here. with jeno. and karina. together. on the night that you were supposed to forget said people.

“are you okay?” jaemin was quick to your side, worry plastered on his face. his genuineness added to the heaviness of your chest. you sent him a weak smile, brushing off his worries.

“i’m sorry, miss.” the waiter said apologetically, bowing his head lightly. “we are fully booked tonight.” you pursed your lips, nodding at him.

the last thing you wanted was to sit through an awkward dinner with jeno within your eyes and earshot while his girlfriend smugly sat mere inches beside you, completely unaware of what happened between you and jeno. but you couldn’t let jaemin’s effort go to waste. you fixed your posture, grabbing jaemin’s outstretched hand that was waiting for you, and you sat on the chair he pulled out for you.

you couldn’t help it; you hesitantly glanced at jeno, whose gaze was intent on you, jaw almost clenching at your presence. swallowing hard, you lifted the menu to cover your face from his intense stare, questioning what you had done to deserve this.

somehow, jaemin couldn’t sense the tension between you and his roommate. he talked to you with a sweet smile, but you could barely register his words because you kept zoning his words out due to the presence next to him.

“oh! have i told you that this guy,” jaemin pointed his thumb to jeno who suddenly turned to look at him. “is my roommate! what a small world.” he chuckled.

your stomach dropped. of course, he had to bring it up. you chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating whether you should mention the nature of your relationship with jeno.

karina, who overheard your conversation, snickered before chiming in. “of course, she would know, silly! she’s jeno’s best friend.”

“wait, what?” jaemin’s eyebrows furrowed, gaze flicking from you to jeno. “you two know each other?” he questioned.

“yeah.” you forced a tight lip smile, feeling the heat creep up your neck. “we’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“wait, so you’re y/n—jeno’s y/n?” you winced at his words, hating how you were addressed. he wasn’t yours, and you certainly weren’t his. “oh my god, how didn’t i connect the dots sooner.” he mumbled, more to himself, still surprised by the proximity of relationships.

jeno let out a dry chuckle at his reaction, trying to mask his stern expression. the room suddenly felt hot. you reached for the glass of water and sipped it in the cool liquid to neutralize your throat.

“this makes tonight even better! no first-date awkwardness since you’re practically family with jeno.”

you choked on the water, the liquid spilling from your lips as you coughed, making jaemin’s eyes widen. people started to stare, but jaemin was already rushing to your side to help wipe the spilled water. out of the corner of your eye, you noticed jeno slightly twitch as if he wanted to offer some help but restrained himself, letting jaemin do the work. his jaw was tight; his lips were pressed into a thin line.

you wanted to crawl under the table. family? the word felt like a bucket of ice being poured down your body—literally. the word was laughable, given everything that happened between you and jeno.

jeno tried to peel his eyes away as jaemin’s hands roamed your body. averting his gaze to karina, his lovely girlfriend. he reminded himself.

once jaemin made sure you were okay, you thanked him, and he returned to his seat, apologizing to the other tables bothered by your sudden outburst. cheeks heating up when you realize a lot of people were witnesses to your clumsiness.

the food you ordered shortly arrived. the smell of freshly cooked meat and pasta filling the air, you hadn’t realized how hungry you were until the plates were set up in front of you. the meal provided a much-needed distraction, and the night seemed to flow more smoothly for a while. jeno finally fixed his gaze to fixate on his date, and you were paying attention to yours.

“hm, what are your pet peeves?” jaemin asked, taking a bite of his food.

you paused for a second, profoundly considering his question. “i hate liars.” you blurted out. you didn’t miss the way jeno’s hand froze mid-way into feeding the spoon into his mouth. “i hate when people tell me they’ll do something or take care of something for me but end up not keeping their end of the bargain.” you kept your tone casual. still, you knew you got the message across—even to the table beside you.

jaemin nodded along. “yeah, i get that.” his tone was empathetic. “it’s frustrating when someone doesn’t follow through. makes them seem untrustworthy.”

you smiled at him, grateful that he shared the same views as you. you stole a quick glance at jeno, whose gaze was fixed on the plate on the table, but his hand was nearly turning red from his grip on the utensil. karina, who seemed confused by his sudden behavior, reached out to grab his hand in hers, making jeno look up and let out a sigh—you don’t know whether it was one of contentment or annoyance.

“please excuse me, i need to run to the bathroom real quick.” you mumbled to jaemin, flashing him a small smile as you slid your chair back. he nodded, returning a gentle smile, averting his attention to his phone while he waited for you to return.

jeno heard your excuse, eyes scanning karina who was too busy consuming her dessert before flickering to you who disappeared into the hallway that lead to the restroom.

without much thought, jeno impulsively excused himself from karina, muttering something about needing to wash his hands.

you leaned against the bathroom sink, sighing to yourself before running the cold water over your hands to somehow calm your nerves. jeno was confusing you. you hated not knowing what he was thinking, not having control over the situation. you didn’t have it in you to actually talk to jeno about the previous events. you were afraid of hearing the truth—that he chose her, like he did over and over again.

the sound of the bathroom door creaking open brought you to your senses. you glanced in the mirror, expecting another customer, your heart skipping when you saw jeno standing there, his expression unreadable.

“jeno? what are you doing here?” you whispered, eyes wide as you realized he’s in the women’s bathroom.

“jaemin, really?” jeno snorted, face contorting into anger? annoyance? you couldn’t tell, in fact you were confused as to why he was acting out of proportion. “out of all the people, you chose my friend?”

“i didn’t know he was your friend.” you defended, frowning at his accusation. “and why do you care?” you prodded, trying to grasp the situation.

“i don't.” jeno shot back. “as your friend,” he said, as if the word was laced with venom. “i’m just looking out for you. jaemin’s very busy with his degree and i doubt he has time to settle down.”

you couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. “that’s rich coming from you.” you spat. “and friend? really? friends don’t do what we did, jeno.” you angrily whispered the last part, cautious of the people around.

jeno lightly flinched at your words, the sentence hanging heavy in the air. you sighed, getting ready to walk past him but he caught your arm before you could leave.

“i’m sorry.” jeno mumbled, regret evident in his eyes.

you shook your head, the lump in your throat threatening to be released. “just go back to her, jeno. isn’t that what you’re best at?” you pushed past him, shoulders brushing against one another, leaving jeno alone in the bathroom.

jaemin drove you back to your apartment. jeno and karina had left moments before you did, allowing you to let out a sigh of relief as soon as they were gone. you offered to pay for half the meal, but jaemin insisted on covering it, even sneaking in a small “you cover it next time,” accompanied by a wink that made your heart flutter.

jaemin was perfect. he lived up to mark’s description of him—kind, sweet, and painfully handsome. you’ve caught yourself staring at his face down to his lips more times than you cared to admit. there were even moments when your eyes drifted to his biceps when he shrugged his jacket off.

but somehow, deep inside, your mind stubbornly drifted back to the one person you wanted nothing more than to forget. seeing jeno witness you on a date to sparked a sense of satisfaction within you—a small win to prove to him (and maybe even yourself) that you were capable of forgetting that night. but the truth lingered in the back of your mind: you hadn’t. the little encounter you had with him also etched in your mind, still wondering what the meaning of all of it was. that night replayed over and over, making it impossible to let go. you convinced yourself that you didn’t care that he was still with karina, but it was like a fever burning you alive. every time you saw her, the weight of your actions dragged you down. you slept with her boyfriend, and no self-justification could erase the betrayal that you had inflicted. you weren’t sure if you could ever forgive yourself for it.

jaemin seemed quieter on the drive home, and you wondered if you ticked him off. he barely spared you a glance, and it made you even more nervous.

did he not enjoy the date? had you done something to upset him?

as he pulled up to your apartment, you beat him to open your door for you, wanting to escape the suffocating confines of the vehicle.

“hey, y/n.” jaemin called out when you barely glanced in his direction, directly jogging to your apartment entrance. you froze in your spot, barely entering your complex when he caught up to you. he stopped in front of you, his frame towering over yours beneath the moon's soft glow.

“did i do anything wrong?” you blurted out, avoiding eye contact with him.

“what? no.” jaemin’s eyebrows furrowed, shaking his head, sincerity dripping from his voice. “i was just thinking about how much i wanna kiss you tonight… but i didn’t want to scare you off.” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

the anxiety and tension within your body dissipated from his mere confession. you blinked up at him, processing his words. the knot in your stomach unraveled, and you felt foolish for jumping to the worst conclusion.

jaemin took a step closer, his warmth engulfing you. he lifted his hand, fingers gently tucking the loose strand of hair behind your ear. the soft touch sent a flutter through your body, instinctively leaning against his touch.

“can i?” he asked softly, voice so tender it was enough to make you melt.

you nodded, unable to find the words.

jaemin leaned in, your eyes falling shut as he minimized the distance between you. when his lips finally met yours, it was soft and gentle. his hand cupping your cheek while his other arm wrapped around your waist, pulling your body flush against his so that you were chest-to-chest.

his kiss wasn’t rushed and overwhelming—it was perfect as if he was savoring every moment.

he pulled away, lips mere inches from yours as you both caught your breaths. “i’ve been wanting to do that all night.”

you giggled at his confession, cheeks burning as you met his eyes. you placed your palms against his chest, fingers tapping. “i’m glad you did.”

jaemin grinned at you, his thumb caressing your cheek. “good.” he said softly. “because i’d like to do it again sometime.”

your lips parted to respond, but he placed a quick but affectionate kiss on your forehead before you could. a small gesture, but it made your knees weak.

“goodnight, y/n.” he mumbled, stepping away from you with a small wave.

“goodnight, jaemin.” you replied, smiling at him.

with one last glance, he turned and walked back to his car, leaving you with a smile you couldn’t seem to wipe away.

“tell me everything!” chaewon’s voice echoed throughout the apartment the second you stepped foot in it. you laughed as she almost tripped, making her way to you. she grabbed your hands, shaking them excitedly. “well?” she questioned, voice jumping an octave. “was he nice? handsome? did you kiss?” she gasped, hand covering her mouth. “did you fuck?”

“chaewon!” you playfully scolded her, as she guided you to the couch. her knees tucked beneath her as she looked at you with wide eyes, waiting for you to fill her on what happened.

you took a deep breath before you disclosed everything that had happened that evening. how jaemin was a perfect guy—not forgetting to mention how handsome he is—and how jeno and karina were at the restaurant you were at, deciding to leave out your encounter with jeno in the bathroom.

“what, what?” chaewon exclaimed, “they were there? out of all places jaemin could’ve taken you to?” she tried to suppress her laughter, but you saw how amused she was by your revelation.

“i know.” you groaned, letting your body fall on the sofa, head landing on her lap. “i’m convinced the universe hates me.” you covered your face with your hands.

“how did you feel?” chaewon asked, patting your head that was laid down on her lap. “when you saw jeno and karina together?”

you pondered for a second. how did you feel? there was a mix of emotions that coursed through you—guilt, anxiety, jealousy, anger. everything felt so different. jeno is—or was—your best friend. whenever you two argued, it could usually be resolved over a shared tub of ice cream, but this situation felt far beyond the reach of simple, sweet solutions.

no one knew about what happened that night, and it seemed like he had no intention of telling anyone either. you were equally guilty, of course, having taken part in such a scandalous act. but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak the truth aloud.

“i don’t know.” you mumbled, pulling your hands away. “i told myself before that i’ve accepted it, that he will never like me, but…” you trailed off, contemplating whether you should tell her to truth or just keep it to yourself a little longer. “but i have got to stop lying myself. i’m losing my goddamn mind because of him.” she nodded to your words. “it’s just so hard to pretend that he’s just my friend, chae.” a tear slipped from your eye, and she immediately reached to wipe it off.

chaewon stayed silent, still gently brushing your hair. “it’s okay.” she comforted, flashing you a soft smile. “you can’t just flip a switch and stop caring about someone who’s been such a big part of your life.”

her words struck like a chord. you blinked at her, sighing. “i just thought it would be easier as time passed by.” this time, you couldn’t stop the tears that gushed. you hadn’t realized how much you’ve been carrying alone. it was too much. you needed to clear your head.

“you’re not alone in this, okay? you’ve got me, mark, haechan, and now… even jaemin.” she wiggled her eyebrows, a teasing smile on her lips.

a small laugh escaped you despite the tears. “jaemin.” you repeated, the thought of him momentarily bringing you joy.

“excatly! and from what you told me, he sounds like a dream.” chaewon’s excitement bubbled up again. “now tell me more about him!”

the front door opened and shut, making jeno stand from his bed and walk out to the living room. jaemin was setting his keys down on the counter while shrugging his jacket off when he spotted jeno.

“hey, jeno.” jaemin greeted, smiling at him. “tonight was crazy! i didn’t even know she was the same y/n you told me about.” he recalled, heart feeling warm at the thought of you.

“yeah,” jeno replied gruffly, “so listen,” he started, making jaemin turn to him, listening intently. “y/n’s… my best friend, and i wouldn’t want anything—or anyone to hurt her, you know?” he threaded lightly, careful not to show too much emotion, but enough to get the message across. he knew he had no right to tell you who to date but something about seeing you with jaemin stirred something within him and he didn’t know if he wants to find out.

jeno couldn’t bring himself to admit it. he had been avoiding you as much as you were to him. he couldn’t face the consequences of his actions. this was unlike him. he didn’t mean to lie to his girlfriend—didn’t mean to lie to you. when he told you he was going to fix it, he thought he could get it over with karina. he saw you in the back of his mind every time he closed his eyes. he remembers the soft feeling of your lips against him or how your bodies were pressed up against one another. he felt like shit, having all these thoughts about a girl—his best friend—while he had a girlfriend. but something tugged at his heart, the sight of her brought him back to reality, grounding him.

how could he trade what he had for something uncertain?

jeno loved karina. he. loved. her. so he convinced himself. she was perfect—beautiful, confident, and everything he thought he wanted. he felt a pang of guilt every time he kissed her, every time he touched her. how could he hurt the woman he claimed he loved?

so why did the thought of jaemin kissing you make him feel like he was losing something he never realized he wanted?

jaemin raised a brow but nodded anyway. “of course, man. i like her. i wouldn’t do anything to mess this up.”

all jeno could do was nod, although the weight never left his chest. “thanks, jaem, that’s all i needed to hear.” he forced a smile before retreating back to his room.

your laughter echoing through the hall made jeno freeze. what were you doing here? he thought to himself. he curiously opened his bedroom door, trying to eavesdrop.

“sorry, it’s a bit of a mess. i haven’t had time to clean up.” jaemin nervously laughed, trying to chuck away any trash or mess lying around.

you giggled at his nervousness, “it’s fine, jaemin.”

you were here for jaemin, of course. jeno scoffed, shutting his door to try and drown out the noise.

it had been a week since your first date with jaemin, and the two of you had been texting constantly the minute you parted ways. to say he was great would be an understatement—he was perfect. he knew exactly what to say to sweep you off your feet, leaving you smiling and giggling at your phone more often than you’d like to admit. however, as much as jaemin was perfect, your heart had a way of tugging at you, persistently reminding you of the one person you were trying so hard to erase from your mind.

jaemin invited you over to his—and jeno’s—apartment. you were weary of accepting his invitation at first, not wanting to invade jeno’s space, especially after your encounter with him. but jaemin seemed so excited to see you again, and despite everything, you were, too. you decided not to let jeno affect your relationship with jaemin.

you took a seat on the far end of the couch while jaemin sat on the opposite. he shot you a funny look before patting over to the space beside him. “why are you so far?”

you were as nervous as him. you hadn’t been alone with a boy—other than jeno, mark, or haechan—in so long you weren’t sure if you could contain yourself. after all, you are still a very hormonal girl.

“no reason.” you mumbled, but your expression failed you. you were getting goosebumps with the simple chill of the air. jaemin chuckled, deciding to slide over to your side instead. your thighs touching from his sudden proximity.

“you’re cute.” jaemin muttered, his hand moving to brush the stray hair that fell on your face.

“are you sure jeno doesn’t mind that i’m here?” you questioned, facing jaemin.

“you’re literally best friends, i know he doesn’t mind.” he smirked, eyes falling to your lips.

oh, but jeno minded. he minded a lot. it wasn’t his fault that the walls in this apartment were thin. your voices pierced through, hearing your every word, every laugh. his chest tightening with something he couldn’t quite place his finger on—guilt? frustration? jealousy? all he knew was that hearing you with jaemin felt like a knife twisting deeper with every passing second.

“you’re so beautiful.” jaemin mumbled, licking his lips. you placed your hands on his chest, tugging the collar of his shirt slightly closer to you. his breath fanned your face as he inched closer to you. “just wanna kiss you all day.”

you closed the gap between your lips, savoring his taste. jaemin wrapped his arms around your waist, hoisting you so that you were straddling his thighs. you gasped at his suddenness, but you secretly liked it anyway, looping your arms around his neck. he effortlessly slipped his tongue into your mouth, taking control, and you let him.

you felt his growing bulge beneath you, making you giggle into the kiss. you ground your hips against him, pressing onto his cock, eliciting a groan from him. “who knew you were so naughty, hm?”

jeno had enough. he purposely pulled his door open, making a loud enough commotion to have you and jaemin separate from each other. you were about to hop off jaemin’s lap, but his grip on your hips prevented you from leaving.

“jeno, didn’t know you were here!”

“yeah, well, i live here too.” jeno grumbled, pretending to go to the kitchen and look for a drink. he saw you sitting on jaemin’s lap, and it felt like he was punched in the gut.

from jeno’s point of view, he could only see your face and the back of jaemin’s head. jeno’s eyes locked with yours, his jaw clenched as his gaze flickered to the both of you. your cheeks grew warm, your hands resting awkwardly on jaemin’s shoulders as if unsure where they should be.

“please don’t fuck,” jeno paused, eyes directly fixated on you, his eyes dark. your heart sped up, somehow getting his message. “on the couch.” maybe you were reading too much into it.

jaemin chuckled, his grip on you tightened, and suddenly, he stood up and held you in his arms. you yelped, legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. “we’ll move this party elsewhere.” he guided you towards his bedroom, leaving jeno alone in the kitchen with his fist curled up into a ball as he watched you descend into the room.

only a thin wall was separating him from you and jaemin. jeno knew what you two were up to. he sat on his chair, facing his desk, head in his hands as he tried to contain himself. his curiosity got the best of him. he stood up, walking towards the wall that faced jaemin’s room and pressing his ear against the wall.

holy shit. jeno thought. he could hear your soft moans through the mall, his mind flashing back to the night you spent together. the sound immediately traveling to his dick. jaemin either had his fingers or dick in you because the way you were whining for him sounded so pretty.

jeno couldn’t help it, he palmed himself through his pajamas, ear still pressed against the wall.

“fuck, jaemin.” he heard you cry out. he bit his lip, trying to prevent any noise from escaping him as he took his cock out of his bottoms. it didn’t take long before he heard clapping and squelching sounds from the other side of the room.

jeno was upset—upset that he had to listen to another guy fuck you while he pathetically jerked himself off. his fingers wrapped around his length, closing his eyes while he listens to your moans. he imagined you. imagined how you were in his room instead of the other. imagining how it was your fingers wrapped around his cock. he began to stroke himself slowly, his thumb smearing the pre-cum that managed to spurt from his tip.

your moans began to get louder, jeno began picking up his pace. fucking his hand with every sound that left your lips. his mind convinced himself that you were making such pretty noises for him. he contained the grunts that threatened to escape his mouth, lips nearly bleeding from holding back. you began chanting jaemin’s name through breaths, indicating that you were close. jeno continued stroking himself until he came hard with his hand around his length, just from the sound of your moans.

you jolted awake, glancing at the clock, the number 1:43 am on display. after you and jaemin had sex, you immediately passed out, not having a chance to get ready for sleep. jaemin’s arm was lazily wrapped around your waist. you gently pushed it away. your throat felt dry, so you decided to sneak into the kitchen to grab a glass. you picked up the discarded shirt on the ground—most likely jaemin’s—slipped it on, and put on your underwear before tiptoeing out of his room, careful not to make too much noise.

in the midst of chugging down a cold glass of water, the sound of a door opening was heard from the end of the hall. it was jeno’s room. you froze, realizing you were not in proper attire right now. you set the glass on the sink before trying to retreat into jaemin’s room.

“y/n?” jeno’s voice echoed through the hall. you mentally cursed as you got caught, thankful the room was still dark. that was until he met you in the kitchen, hand instinctively reaching for the switch to turn on the overhead lights. his breath hitched once he took in your state. legs bare and nipples hard against your plain white shirt that stopped just below your ass. it was like the universe wanted him to sin. “what are you doing awake?” he managed to let out once his eyes stopped taking in your figure. his voice was rough as if he had just woken up from slumber.

“just thirsty.” you mumbled, cheeks getting warm at your semi-exposed state. jeno wasn’t that covered at all, too. he was in his plaid pajama pants that hung low on his waist, and his chest was bare, his toned abs emphasizing under the dim lights.

jeno hummed, walking carefully towards you. “couldn’t sleep?”

you nodded, instinctively trying to move further away from him, but you bumped into the kitchen island behind you. trapped, you placed your hands against the counter to support yourself, forcing you to meet his eyes. you couldn’t understand the emotion behind them. your mind was getting hazy from his gaze. as much as you wanted to cower and run away, your feet seemed to stop working for some reason.

jeno leaned in slightly, his arms on either side of you as he gripped the edge of the counter, effectively caging you in. your whole body froze, unsure what to do next. all you know is his scent was once again invading your space. his face was so close to you that it reminded you of the night you spent together.

“why do you keep doing this to me?” he whispered, breath fanning your face.

“i’m not doing anything.” you defended, but your voice came out soft.

“exactly.”

jeno kissed you, and you kissed him back. your arms traveled around his neck, pulling him close to you. notwithstanding the fact that the guy you were seeing was in the other room, merely a few steps away from where you were.

the effect jeno had on you was different, almost perplexing. it was like he knew exactly how to get under your skin—like he knew that you would come crawling back to him like how he would to her.

jeno wrapped his arms around your waist. his tongue effortlessly slid into your mouth, twirling it around yours. suddenly, he hoisted your body so that you were sitting on the island counter, making you gasp through the kiss.

“open your legs for me.” he mumbled, pulling away from your lips.

you did as he told, spreading your legs. he stood in between them, giving you another short kiss before his hands traveled to slightly lift the hem of your shirt, just enough to give him the perfect view of your lacy underwear.

jeno groaned once he saw the wet patch forming between your legs. “you just got fucked two hours ago, and you’re still this wet?”

“how did you—“

“you’re not exactly quiet, sweetheart.”

you cowered, head turning away from him, but his fingers caught your chin, forcing you to look at him. his other hand hooking the waistband of your underwear, playing with it.

“can’t believe you’d rather get fucked by him when i’m right here.”

you glared at him. “this is wrong.”

“do you want me to stop?” you stayed silent, making him smirk. “that’s what i thought.”

jeno pulled your underwear down your legs in a painfully deliberate manner, making you swat his arm. he laughed, letting the fabric fall down the floor.

“keep laughing. i can just wake him up, and he’ll do it for me.”

jeno’s laughter faltered, a dark look in his eyes replacing his playful mood. “not fucking funny.” his hand cupped your core, a small yelp escaping your lips. his fingers ran down your folds, spreading your arousal.

your hands fell to his shoulders, gripping it as he teased your hole. it felt so wrong, but you had clearly decided to throw your morals out the window long ago.

“don’t like seeing you with him.” jeno admitted, his voice low. his confession was supposed to drive you crazy, instead, it felt unfair—like he wasn’t keeping his end of the deal.

“j-jeno.” you moaned, mindful of the volume of your voice. his fingers circled your entrance, just enough to drive you crazy. “you can’t tell me what to do.” you managed to let out, keeping him in place. it was almost absurd how he had the nerve to admit that he didn’t like seeing you with another guy while having a whole girlfriend himself. you bit your tongue back because, well, he was touching you so good, and quite frankly, you didn’t want him to stop.

“maybe,” he hummed before inserting two digits into your entrance. your head dropped to his shoulder, heavily breathing against his skin. he pulled his fingers out before inserting them again, your wetness coating his digits. “but at least i have you moaning my name like the slut you are.”

jeno thrusted his fingers at a pace that had your vision clouded with stars. your fingernails dug into his skin as he curled his fingers, hitting all your sweet spots. you bit your lip to avoid making too much noise, especially since jaemin was just in the room next to yours. his free hand snaked to your hair, gripping it while pulling your head away from his shoulder—careful not to tug on it too harshly—making you look at him in the eye.

“keep quiet. don’t want loverboy to find you grinding on my hand now, do we?” jeno smirked, making your mouth water.

you squirmed at the stretch of his fingers. when he felt you clench around him, he placed his thumb on your clit, rubbing addicting circles on it. his fingers effortlessly sliding in and out of you. his eye contact was overwhelming as he watched you tremble from his mere touch.

“oh god.” you cried out, face scrunching from the pleasure. your hips bucked against his hand, desperate to feel more.

jeno’s pajamas grew tighter at the sight of you, wishing nothing more than to bend you over and fuck you senseless on this counter—but he couldn’t. not when you just emerged from the room of one of his closest friends, where you did the same activities he wished he could’ve done with you. so he resorted to making you cum just with his fingers.

“be a good girl,” jeno mumbled, pressing his lips against yours. “and cum for me.” he increased the pace in which he was thrusting his digits, each one accompanied by the slight curl of his fingers.

your back arched just by his words, body pushing into him as small gasps left your lips. he almost smiles at the way you looked. so fucking cute, he thought.

“shit—jeno.” you whimpered. your stomach contracted, a clear sign that you were close. and with his thumb doing miracles on your clit, you couldn’t help but cum all over his fingers.

a string of curse words fell from your lips. legs trembling and breath shaking as you rode out your high. your posture nearly giving up as you tried to compose yourself.

jeno pulled his fingers away from your pussy. he couldn’t resist placing them in his mouth, lapping up your juices while maintaining eye contact with you.

that was so hot.

you swatted his arm, feeling shy, but he only chuckled. he leaned down, grabbing your discarded underwear from the floor. “can i keep this?” he boldly asked.

you pondered for a second before quickly snatching the item from his hand. “and if karina finds it?”

jeno grumbled, shoulders slouching from the thought of his girlfriend. “killjoy.” he muttered.

you hopped off the counter, slipping your underwear on. “i gotta go before jaemin wakes up.”

“right.” jeno mumbled, eyes lingering on you for a second, “no goodnight kiss?” he sure was getting comfortable.

“don’t push it.”

you sneaked back into jaemin’s room. his sleeping figure peacefully lying on the bed, almost in the same position you left him in. you nibbled on your bottom lip as guilt started to creep in. you occupied the space next to him. his unconscious self felt your presence, immediately wrapping his arm around your waist. you decided to close your eyes, slumbering taking over you while the weight of your actions sat on you.

you: i need u where are u mark: ??? i am not your sneaky link you: not like that asshole. need someone to talk to mark: diner? you: be there in 10

your eyes scanned the diner, looking for mark’s blond hair to stand out. spotting him at the corner booth, you slid into the empty seat before him. his head looking up to face you, his usual smile plastered on his face.

“hey, nerd.” mark greeted. “you okay? i thought you wanted to fuck me or something.” he chuckled, nudging his plate of fries close to you.

you groaned, head falling to the table. “i’ve had enough of fucking friends for a lifetime.” you mumbled, voice low.

“what’d you say?”

you lifted your head, crossing your arms on top of the table. “you have to promise not to be mad, okay?” you pouted.

“it depends.”

“mark! i’m serious, i don't think i can't take it anymore.” you groaned.

“is this about jeno?”

“what?” your eyes widened, head tilting at him. “not that i’m saying it is, but why did you think that?”

“it’s obvious. you two aren’t hanging as much as you used to. i just figured you got into a fight or something.” mark shrugged, leaning against the chair.

“before i tell you, you have to promise not to judge and that you won’t think any less of me.”

“alright, fine. i promise.” mark raised his hands in defeat.

you let out a sigh before telling him everything. starting from the night of the party—how that one tiny kiss led to the chaos you were now tangled in. you opened up about your feelings for jeno and how conflicted you were now that jaemin’s in the picture. you told him about how guilty you were for doing this to karina. then you moved on to your encounter at jeno and jaemin’s apartment.

mark’s expression shifted throughout your story. his expression juggling between shocked and confused. his brows furrowed in concern, mouth dropping in shock. he let out tiny coughs whenever the story steered into messy territory, his eyes wandering anywhere but on you, trying his best to keep his promise of not judging you.

when you finally finished summarizing everything to him, you covered your face with your hands, ashamed of your story. although your chest felt lighter at the thought of finally confiding about your situation with someone like you had just ripped open a wound and exposed it to the world.

“wow,” mark started, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “that’s… a lot.”

“i know.” you grumbled, looking down at the table.

“but i’m not mad at you.” he quickly assured, his tone gentle. “and i don’t think less of you. after all, you’re still human, y/n. it must’ve been so confusing for you.” his hand reached across the table, taking your hand in his, in an attempt to comfort you. “i won’t lie, this is really messy, but you’re not a horrible person. you just made bad decisions, but it doesn’t mean you’re bad.”

anxiety washed over you, you wanted to believe his words, but a part of you was convinced he was only saying this because he’s your friend. you shook your head, feeling defeated. “i don’t know, mark. i just… i could’ve stopped it, you know? but i felt stuck.” your throat tightened as the words left your mouth. “i was too caught up in this—this fantasy of mine that i didn’t realize i’d be hurting people.”

mark’s thumb drew small circles on the back of your hand. “hey, we’ll figure it out, okay? the first step is being honest—talk to jeno. if you really regret it, tell him this… thing between you has got to stop. he’s your best friend, y/n, and he has a girlfriend, i know it hurts, but we can’t force things to happen.”

he was right. you couldn’t keep doing this to yourself, especially with other people involved.

“yeah.” you whispered, voice cracking as tears welled in your eyes. “i’m sorry, mark.”

“don’t apologize to me.” mark squeezed your hand. “i’ll support you no matter what, but you have got to clean this up. because the longer you wait, the worse it will get.”

you stood outside the lecture hall where jeno was, shifting your weight from one foot to another as you waited for the bell to dismiss his class.

after your conversation with mark and a sleepless night, you decided to confront jeno. the weight on your chest had become unbearable, and you knew it was time to address everything head-on.

“jeno—” you called out as students began to flood out of the room, but your voice faltered when you saw that karina trailed behind him, naturally reaching for his hand.

jeno’s head turned at the sound of your voice. his eyes widened when they landed on you, surprise evident in his expression. he hesitated before walking toward you, karina following at his side.

“y/n? what’s wrong?” jeno wondered, his tone soft. you weren’t exactly on speaking terms recently, so you looking for his presence was news to him. karina stood beside him, making your stomach twist uncomfortably. she glanced between the two of you, curiosity and perhaps suspicion flickering across her face.

you gave karina a polite nod, barely meeting her eyes. you couldn’t even face her; seeing him with her stung, and you didn’t even have the right to be hurt. she returned the gesture with a tight, hesitant smile. you always sensed that she wasn’t fond of you, you couldn’t blame her—especially with recent events.

“i need to talk to you,” you pleaded, looking up at him. “alone, please?”

karina’s expression shifted, but she said nothing. jeno glanced at her, silently asking for permission. she gave him a nod as jeno mumbled something you couldn’t hear. she let go of his hand after he let her go with a quick peck on the lips, making you avert your gaze elsewhere—the simple act making your chest tighten with jealousy and guilt tangled together.

jeno returned his gaze to you and gestured his hand for you to lead the way.

you ended up at the park located on campus. given your situation, a secluded area wouldn’t be the best for you right now. you and jeno sat on a bench with the perfect fountain view. chatter could be heard from around you, and it somehow eased your senses.

you stayed quiet, pondering on what to say to him. this morning you woke up with a heavy heart. you spent all night thinking about mark’s advice. the events of the past month haunted you. although your time with jaemin had been filled with warmth and laughter, the guilt clawed at your chest, begging to be released. you felt like you couldn’t entirely give yourself to him without addressing the elephant in the room with jeno.

it was unfair—to jaemin, who had been nothing but kind and sweet, and to yourself, for carrying a weight that wasn’t entirely yours to bear. it was also hypocritical, you were doing to jaemin exactly what you hated that jeno was doing to karina.

“y/n?” jeno’s voice bringing you out of your trance. you lifted your head to face him, his eyes filled with sincerity. “are you okay?”

you looked at him as if he had three heads. here you were, almost drowning in guilt, and he couldn’t even sense you were struggling. “are you serious, jeno?” you scoffed, folding your arms across your chest. the frustration you had bottled up spilled before you could register it. “you’re really asking if i’m okay?”

his eyes widened at your outburst, expression turning soft as he tried to read you. “i just—”

“i can’t take it anymore, jeno.” your voice turned soft, sighing. “this—what we’re doing, we can’t.”

“y/n…”

“can you be honest with me?” you asked. he nodded, gaze intent on you. “do you regret it? what we did?”

jeno paused for a second, scanning your exhausted expression. “i don’t want to hurt you.” he mumbled, voice low.

“that’s the thing, though.” you dryly chuckled, running a hand through your hair. “i’m already hurting. do you think it’s easy for me to see you with her, especially after what we’ve done?”

“what—”

“i like you, jeno.” you confessed, watching as his expression twisted into surprise. “i’ve liked you ever since we were kids, and i thought it was just a silly crush, but it’s not. i keep lying to myself that you’ll like me, that maybe you’ll see me the way i see you.” you spilled before you could even stop the words running out of your mouth. “every time you came to me when you fought, i thought that there was a reason you kept seeing me.” you blinked at him. “and i thought that you kissing me meant that you had the tiniest feelings for me, but you’re still with her, i see the way you look at her.”

“y/n, its not like that—”

“then what is it, jeno?” your voice trembled as you took a shaky breath. “because i—i’m losing my mind here, and you’re being… you’re being mean.”

“mean?”

“yes. you don’t have to lie, okay? i know i’m equally responsible for doing this with you, but i feel like i don’t deserve to be lied to. don’t tell me you’ll take care of things, and don’t tell me not to worry because i’ve been waking up worried ever since that happened! and what we did to jaemin the other day…”

“i’m sorry…”

“you love her, jeno. i get it. but do you have any idea how hard it was for me to see you run to her every time? how hard it was for me to pretend like i’m okay with just being your friend?” tears were threatening to spill from your eyes, and you looked up to prevent them from falling.

“i didn’t—i never meant to make you feel this way, y/n.” the guilt in his eyes was so heavy it made your heart ache.

“then what did you mean to do?” you asked, voice barely audible.

“i don’t know.” jeno admitted, “i’m confused, y/n. i care about you a lot, okay? i really do, but i…”

“you love karina.” you finished for him.

jeno stayed silent, and that was all the confirmation you needed. you stood up abruptly, wiping your tears with the back of your hand before turning around to walk away from him, each step feeling heavier than ever

the sound of hurried footsteps followed you, but you refused to look back, not when you were this vulnerable. before you could take another step, a gentle hand on your arm prevented you from moving any further.

“y/n, wait.” jeno pleaded, softly tugging your arm to turn you. your teary eyes meeting his gaze.

“let me go, jeno.” you clenched your jaw, forcing yourself not to cry.

jeno’s grip softened, but he didn’t let go. “give me time.”

you blinked at him, caught off guard. “what?”

“i—let me sort my thoughts first, okay?” jeno stared down at you, his eyes genuine. “i don’t what i’m doing. y/n. but i know that when i’m with you, it feels…right.”

“that’s not fair.” you frowned, shaking your head. “it’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to me.” his words did nothing to ease the ache in your heart.

“i know, but…” his eyes never left yours. “i don’t want to lose you.”

you let out a bitter laugh, wiping your tears. “you don’t get to have it both ways, jeno. you can’t just keep me on the side while you figure yourself out.”

“i’m not trying to,” he said, stepping closer to you. his hand trailed down your arm to hold yours. your eyes widened, and you grew aware of the fact that you were in public. “please, just—wait for me.”

you opened your mouth to respond, to tell him how unfair he was being. but before you could muster up the words, his lips captured yours in a kiss that was soft but so desperate. the action filled with longing, as if it contained all the words he couldn’t say.

the world faded away as if you were the only people there, and all you could feel was him—his lips on yours. you hated yourself for it, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away.

your mouth moved against his before you heard chatter around you, making you push his body off of you. he kept his hand on yours, refusing to let go.

“don’t walk away, yet.” jeno pleaded. “i’ll make things right. i’ll talk to her and figure it out. i promise.”

his words sent a pang through your chest, making you shake your head. “how am i supposed to believe you, jeno? you always went back to her regardless. how do i know this isn’t just another moment you’ll regret?”

jeno pondered for a second, “i’ll be honest with her. i’ll tell her everything.”

“and then what?”

“and then,” he brought your hand up to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on your knuckles. “i’ll come and find you.”

your breath hitched at the sincerity of his voice. you wanted to believe him, but the ache banging against your chest reminded you of the risk. taking a deep breath, you stepped back slightly, breaking his hold on your hand.

“i’ll give you time, jeno.” your voice was soft but firm. “but you need to figure this out, really figure it out, before i can even think about…” you trailed off, unsure about what to label the entire situation.

jeno nodded, determination in his eyes. “i’ll call you, okay?”

and with that, you turned and walked away, your heart pounding with both hope and fear as you left him standing there.

the day had slipped into the evening. jeno walked into the halls of his apartment, the soft glow of the sun casting shadows across the room, reminding him how long it had been since your conversation earlier.

he pondered how he would bring the situation up with karina. no matter how hard he tried, he could no longer bury this secret. his mind kept drifting back to you, to how you looked so disappointed in him, and every time it did, his chest tightened with the thought of how things would never be the same again.

jeno loved karina. every time he closed his eyes, there she was—her face, her smile. she was his anchor, the one thing in his life that he couldn’t discard. they knew each other’s flaws and strengths. they argued, but they always bounced back from it. sure, they had their differences, but they always got through it, finding their way to one another.

i’ve always loved her. jeno thought. that’s how it always was.

but you… you were different.

you were his best friend—the one who knew him. you had been there for him since day one. you experienced life together, laughing over stupid inside jokes, supporting different decisions, and comforting each other through the toughest times. you were his safety net. the person who he knew he could rely on when it felt like the world was against him.

jeno sighed, running a hand through his hair. he had always considered you family—how could he not?

the thought of losing you terrified him. although he would be lying if he said he hadn’t had these flashes filled with thoughts of you. he’s used to dismissing them; it was you, for fuck’s sake. you had been his best friend for so long that even thinking of you differently felt crazy to him. but now, looking back to everything—the way his heart would race when your eyes met in a crowded room, the way his smile would reach his eyes when you laughed at something he said, the way he could always see you in the back of his mind—it all felt so clear.

realization came crashing down on him. his mind racing with thoughts of you. he thought it was just some passing attraction. but it was deeper than that. you were the only person who made him feel seen, the only one who showed him warmth. feelings he couldn’t even seek in karina, despite the love they shared. it terrified him.

he was too scared to admit it. he could no longer pretend. how could he? knowing a part of him belonged to someone else—someone who was not his girlfriend.

he felt sick, the guilt gnawing at him. he loved karina… didn’t he? his feelings for you were uncertain, fleeting… wasn’t it?

jeno opened the door to his bedroom, and his eyes widened at the sight.

“karina?” jeno questioned, brows furrowing. “what are you doing here?”

“jaemin let me in.” karina replied abruptly. her arms across her chest, an unreadable expression plastered on her face. she was sitting on the edge of the bed as if she was waiting for hours.

jeno set his things down on his desk before approaching karina. instinctively reaching up to kiss her, but she turned her head, his kiss landing on her cheek.

“what’s wrong, babe?” jeno asked, curiosity lacing his voice.

“you tell me.” karina responded, fishing for her phone in her pocket. a confused expression latched on jeno’s face as he watched her tap away on her phone. she raised her phone and shoved it in his face. “care to explain?”

his heart stopped. the color drained from his face as he stared at the photo she was showing.

it was you and jeno—kissing.

he could tell from your outfits that the photo was taken earlier that day, during your heated conversation near campus.

jeno’s mouth went dry as he racked up a response. “i—“ he stammered, words failing to come out.

“don’t try to lie.” karina interrupted, her brow raising. “winter sent it to me. we both know she wouldn’t fabricate such things.”

jeno’s stomach dropped. of course, they were seen, they weren’t exactly keeping it private. “karina…” he started, thinking of words to say to her.

what exactly do you say at this moment?

“that’s y/n, isn’t it?” karina scoffed, standing up, her height barely meeting his. “i always knew she was a whore.”

“don’t say that.” jeno’s tone shifted, eyes darkening as his voice got firm.

“what?” karina asked incredulously.

“she’s not a whore.”

“are you seriously fucking defending her right now? she kissed you! my boyfriend!” karina spat.

“i kissed her.” jeno admitted, his gaze all over her face.

karina nearly lost balance at his confession. “you—what!” she exclaimed, a frown forming on her lips.

“i kissed y/n.” jeno repeated, his gaze unwavering. “and it isn’t the first time we kissed.”

“what the fuck are you saying?” karina’s voice cracked, disbelief was written all over her face.

“i slept with her on the night of the retreat.”

karina’s eyes widened. “jeno—“

“i started it. i think i’ve known for a while, but i refused to face it.” jeno couldn’t even fathom the words he was spitting out. “i think i’m in love with her.” he admitted, more

the room fell silent at the weight of his confession. the burden lifted off his chest as he comprehended what he had spilled.

“i can’t believe this.” karina shook her head, a bitter, sarcastic laugh slipping past her lips. “after my friends told me i’m way too good for you. you fucking cheated on me? with some bitch?”

“don’t drag her into this. it’s my fault.”

“fuck you.” karina spat, prodding a finger on his chest. “and fuck her, too.”

karina stormed out of the room, pulling the door wide and loud enough to cause a commotion.

jeno called after her, “karina, wait. i’m sorry!” he followed her through the hall.

“sorry?” karina shot back, spinning around to face him. “sorry you got caught, or sorry you have a homewrecker for a best friend?”

jeno winced at her words. “i’m sorry for what i did.” he replied softly. “for hurting you. you didn’t deserve that.”

karina stared up at jeno, eyes glistening as his previous confession came crashing down on her. “i never want to see you again, jeno.” she said, voice breaking before she turned and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

jeno stood frozen in the hallway—the ghost of their conversation haunting the air.

“dude…” jaemin’s voice cut through the thick silence.

jeno turned to the source of his voice, a sullen expression on jaemin’s face. he was standing in the doorway of his room, clearly having heard the entire conversation.

“jaemin!” jeno exclaimed, completely forgetting his roommate was next door. “did you—“

“you’re in love with y/n?” jaemin cut him off, his expression unreadable. he tilted his head as he looked at jeno. “why didn’t you tell me?” he crossed his arms across his chest.

jeno opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. he took a second before letting out a sigh. “i couldn’t—i wasn’t sure.” he admitted.

“did you… sleep with her when we were together?” jaemin treaded lightly, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“no! no, we didn’t.” jeno defended, shaking his head. technically it wasn’t a lie. a little fingering doesn’t count as fucking, right?

“i see.” jaemin nodded, a weary look on his face. “i don’t think i can continue seeing her then.” he frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.

“what?”

“you love her, man.” jaemin sent him a small, sad smile. “i don’t want to stand between you.”

“but you said—“

“don’t get me wrong. she’s beautiful and amazing.” jaemin interrupted, holding a hand up. “but you’ve been there for each other since you were kids. i could never stand a chance.” he shrugged. his expression softening.

jeno swallowed, his chest tightening. he never meant for this to happen. jaemin is one of his best friends, and he had betrayed him. “she likes you, jaems.”

“but she loves you.” jaemin lifelessly chuckled. he took a step closer to jeno, placing his hand on his shoulder, and giving it a firm squeeze. “go get her, jeno.”

taking a deep breath, jeno smiled at jaemin. he knew what he had to do.

you anxiously stared at your phone, as if guarding it would make a notification pop up.

the entire night had been a blur of pacing around your room. the events of your conversation with jeno are stuck in an endless loop in your mind. you hated feeling this way, as if your heart was at someone else’s mercy.

“come on…” you muttered to yourself, checking your phone once more. nothing. just the same blank lock screen.

you sighed, flopping onto your bed and letting the pillows engulf your head. your chest felt heavy. what took him so long? he said he would fix things—was it a lie? maybe he changed his mind. maybe he—

your phone buzzed, snapping you out of your thoughts. your heart jumped as you grabbed it, only for your heart to sink even deeper. it wasn’t jeno.

it was jaemin.

jaemin: hey, y/n. jaemin: i’m sorry to message so late. jaemin: i think it’s best if we stop seeing each other. jaemin: i’m sorry.

your head began to spin. your eyes scan his message repeatedly, trying to make sense of it.

what? your mind raced. this wasn’t what you expected. why would jaemin reach out? and why was his timing odd?

your fingers danced over the keyboard, thinking of a response. a hundred of questions swirled in your head. was this because of jeno? did something happen between them? did he find out what happened in his kitchen that one night?

you: did i do something wrong?

jaemin replied almost immediately.

jaemin: you deserve someone who can give you their all, and i don’t think i can. jaemin: take care, y/n.

your brows twisted into confusion. his response made you even more curious. his words sounded kind, almost too rehearsed. it was as if something was missing, and you couldn’t figure out what.

you stared at the screen, blinking at his message. your emotions swirling wildly between confusion, frustration, and hurt. and still nothing from jeno.

what the fuck was going on?

another buzz came from your phone. instantly checking it, your confusion growing deeper.

karina: never knew you were into boys who had girlfriends karina: *sent one photo*

holy shit.

you sat up in bed, heart banging against your chest. eyes refusing to leave the photo of you and jeno, openly kissing each other from earlier.

and karina knows.

your hands trembled, throat feeling tight. you dropped your phone on your bed and rushed out of your room. tears blurred your vision as the gravity of the situation finally sank in. you had no idea what to do, the room felt like it was shrinking by the second. you needed someone.

without thinking, you rushed out of your room and ran to chaewon’s. you banged on her door, your knuckles trembling as tears flowed down your face.

the door opened almost immediately, revealing chaewon in her pajamas, her eyes widening as she saw your state.

“y/n? babe, what’s wrong?” she instinctively wrapped her arms around you, her hand caressing the back of your head to console you.

“i fucked up.” you cried out, sniffling against her shirt, but knowing her, she doesn’t mind. “i didn’t—i wasn’t—” you stammered, head feeling light.

chaewon hummed, “hey, hey, it’s okay. slow down.” she pulled away just enough to see your face, “whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, okay?”

“chae, i—“ you gasped, unable to stop the tears from gushing out. “i need to tell you something.”

soon enough, you both sat on chaewon’s bed while she tried to comfort you. you told her everything, sparing no details. she sat silently while intently listening to your spew. from repeating your confession to mark to your encounter with jeno earlier, down to jaemin’s cryptic texts—and finally, the photo karina had sent you. by the time you finished, chaewon had a worried expression from your entire story.

“y/n…” chaewon began, and you flinched lightly. you knew she was serious; she would usually refer to you using endearments or your nickname, but the lack thereof told you she was not in the mood to tolerate your actions. “this is serious. i love you to death, but you fucked up.”

“i know,” you sniffled, wiping away the tears with the tissue she previously handed to you. “i don’t know what to do.”

chaewon let out a deep sigh, grasping your hand in hers. “first off,” she reached up and helped you wipe your tears. “you need to stop beating yourself up. i know you’re in a sticky situation, but falling apart isn’t going to help you figure it out.”

you nodded, even though her words hadn’t completely eased your mind.

“and second,” she continued, voice growing softer. “i know you won’t like it, but you need to stay away from jeno for a while. let him sort his shit out. give him time.”

even though you refused to face it, the weight of her words eventually sunk in. she was right. it would be unfair for you to force jeno to make his decision immediately, especially since he is in a relationship.

after a long night of sobbing in chaewon’s arms. you eventually passed out beside her, with the thoughts of jeno being the last thing you remembered.

lightning struck across the campus as you exited the library, tugging your coast closer in an attempt to shield yourself from the downpour. you silently cursed yourself for forgetting to bring an umbrella today. looking up at the sky, you wondered if you could bolt through the pouring rain.

it has been a week since your last encounter with jeno. it would be a lie if you said you were doing fine. every passing minute made you even more anxious. he had made some efforts to reach out to you—sending you texts, calling your phone, and even talking to your friends to ask and see you. but your guilt was weighed heavier than your longing, and you had convinced yourself that you couldn’t face him. not yet.

you stuck with chaewon’s advice; you gave him space. although you felt like the distance was killing you more than him.

you missed jeno. how could you not? he was your best friend. you were so used to being so close to him that the space between you was foreign. you missed having him over and talking about everything and nothing all at once. you missed hearing his voice and his comforting laugh. a smile crept up on your face every time you looked back at your memories with him, making you feel ridiculous.

it was foolish of you to think that you could sway him into thinking that you were the one for him. he always loved karina and you were afraid that it was what his heart was heading towards.

you tried reaching out to karina. you sent her an text even though you knew words alone wouldn’t be enough to mend the damage. once you saw that your message bounced back, you tried again on another platform, the same thing happened. you realized she had blocked you on every social media app. you don’t blame her, of course. you had to live with the pain you caused her.

you clutched your bag tightly before running out in the rain. your apartment was a ten-minute walk from campus—maybe less if you ran. the cold droplets seeped through your clothes as you hurried along the wet pavement, shivering as the storm grew.

you nearly reached your apartment when a car screeched to a halt in front of you, its headlights glaring through the rain, clouding your vision. your brows furrowed as you used your hand to shield the bright light. squinting as you tried to make out who was behind the wheel through the rain. the car door opened, revealing a tall figure emerging from the driver’s seat.

jeno.

“what are you doing out here in the rain?” jeno raised his voice enough for you to hear him through the sound of the rain hitting the pavement.

“i didn’t have a choice.” you admitted, your voice trembling from the cold and the sight of him. you watched, puzzled, as he left the warmth of his car to stand in the rain with you, water drenching his hair and clothes.

“aren’t you freezing?” jeno questioned, shrugging off his soaked coat and gently draping it around your shoulders.

“aren’t you?” you looked at him with wide eyes. the rain dripping down his face did him justice, he still looked beautiful.

“you’ve been avoiding me,” he said, tone turning soft. deja vu. “why?”

“i thought you needed time.”

“i said i would come and find you.” his eyes locked on yours.

“karina sent me—“

“i know.” he interrupted. “i told her everything.”

your heart sped up. “how’d she take it?”

“we broke up.” he said, the weather matching his tone. “for real this time.”

“oh.”

“oh?” his brows furrowed, taking a step towards you. “that’s all you have to say? oh?”

“well, what do you want me to say?” you frowned. “thank you for breaking up with your girlfriend for me?”

“i didn’t—you know it wasn’t like that.”

“then what is it, jeno?”

“it’s you.” jeno said. even with the rain surrounding him, you heard him loud and clear. “it’s always been you.”

you blinked up at him, stunned, lips quivering.

“i was too blind to see it,” he continued, stepping closer until your chests were nearly brushing one another. “too scared to admit it. but it’s you, y/n. it’s always been you.”

your heart pounded as he raised his hands to cup your face. his gaze was soft and focused on you. only you.

and then his lips were on yours, warm despite the storm. you melted into the kiss, your hands clutching at his soaked shirt as the noise of the rain started to drown out. the kiss was soft but so full of emotion that it left you breathless.

“jeno…” you whispered once you pulled away, his forehead resting against yours. “i missed you.” you admitted, voice trembling.

“i missed you, too.” he mumbled, his lips brushing yours. “i’m not letting you go again.”

“kiss me.”

jeno didn’t hesitate. his lips found yours once again, kissing you softly but quickly turning passionately. his hand copper your cheek as his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, asking for permission. you parted your lips, and he immediately shoved his tongue in your mouth, exploring it with hunger. a soft whimper escaped you as his hands slid down to grip your waist, pulling you closer.

“need you,” he murmured, pulling away lightly. your gaze flickered briefly towards his car, and as if he had read your mind, he took your hand and guided you to his vehicle.

jeno parked the car on the side of the road, grateful that the rain had driven everyone to stay indoors. the windows fogged almost instantly as you both scrambled into the back seat, the heat between you radiating.

jeno’s hand found you once more, gripping your waist as he pulled you onto his lap. your legs straddling either sides of his thigh. he pressed his lips against yours, kissing you like he had been holding back for years. the rain was pounding on the roof of the car, but neither of you cared.

you could barely think, lost in the sensation of his touch as he slid down your coats. your heart beat against your chest once you made eye contact with him. you could make out the sharp lines of his face through the soft glow of the moon. your hand reaching up to caress his cheek, not believing that you had him in your clutches.

“what’s wrong?” jeno asked. “do you want me to stop?”

“no.” you instantly responded, shaking your head. “i just can’t believe it.”

“can’t believe what?” jeno’s lips trailed down your jawline, kissing and sucking on your skin.

“that you’re mine.”

“better believe it, baby. i’m not going anywhere.” jeno chuckled, kissing you again. his lips molded with yours slowly and sweetly. you pressed your body against his, hips instinctively grinding down on him.

“want you so bad.” jeno groaned, his hand reaching down to the hem of your shirt. looking up to you for confirmation, and when you showed no signs of refusal, he lifted the fabric off your body. leaving you in your soaked dark bra. “my beautiful girl.”

you grew shy beneath his gaze, trailing one finger down to the zipper of his jeans. “how bad?” you breathed, toying with his pants, feeling him grow hard below you.

“so fucking bad. i’ve been dreaming of having you again.” jeno admitted, hands roaming your body. reaching behind you to unclasp your bra—which he did effortlessly. once your breasts were on full display for him, he couldn’t help but attach his mouth to your nipple, enclosing his lips around the bud while his fingers circled the other. you moaned, arching your back, pushing your breasts closer to him.

in a swift motion, jeno’s shirt and pants were pulled off him and discarded somewhere in the car. your bottoms and underwear, too, were slid off your body. leaving the both of you breathless and naked.

jeno laid you down on the backseat, carefully trying to maneuver himself between your legs. his gaze on your completely bare body, all waiting and craving for him.

“you’re driving me insane, did you know that?” jeno mumbled, tracing his fingers over your delicate body. from your chest, down to your stomach, and in between your legs. “couldn’t stop thinking of you. no matter how hard i tried, i could always see your pretty face.”

jeno’s fingers ghosted over your entrance, making your breath hitch. his digits toying with your slick, spreading them up and down your folds. “so wet and ready for me, hm?” he teased, watching you squirm from his touch.

“j-jeno.” you whimpered, hips bucking as he circled your clit.

“so cute,” he whispered, almost entirely to himself. he inserted two fingers into your pussy, making you gasp. your hands fly to his shoulder to grip it for support. “you like that, baby?”

“y-yes, so good.” you cried out, making him smirk. he pulled his fingers out ever so slightly before thrusting them in again. keeping his pace steady as your pussy swallowed his digits.

“want to taste your sweet pussy.” jeno said, pulling his fingers off of you before sliding his body to the floor of the car. “sit up for me, baby.” he instructed, and you immediately followed. sitting up while he kneeled in front of you. “good girl.”

jeno wrapped his arms under and over your thighs, pulling your pussy close to his face. he inhaled your scent before darting his tongue out, licking your folds. you moaned out his name as his tongue circled your clit while his fingers returned to your core. he easily thrust his fingers in, curling them just the way you liked it while his mouth relentlessly sucked on your clit.

“oh god.” you moaned. your hand falling to grip his damp hair, tugging on it.

jeno’s rhythm was perfect. his fingers and tongue were in harmony as he pleasured you. you were a trembling mess from his touch, each movement of his threatening your orgasm to come even closer.

“you’re so fucking sweet.” he hummed against you, sending vibrations throughout your entire body. a jolt of pleasure coursing through you as he pressed his tongue flat against your clit, while his fingers increased in pace. “gonna cum for me, baby?”

you nodded, the familiar tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach. with just a few thrusts of his fingers, you came crashing down. you clenched around him as you rode out your high. his pace decreased while his tongue lapped up your cum. you shivered from the sensation, chest heaving from your orgasm.

jeno smiled before leaning up and pressing a sweet kiss on your lips, tasting remnants of your arousal on his lips. “ready for me, baby?”

“hurry up.”

jeno chuckled, taking a seat beside you. “ride me, princess?” he tilted his head, almost in a pleading manner.

you climbed on his lap, supporting yourself on his shoulder while your other hand reached in between your bodies to align his cock with your entrance. you teasingly rubbed the tip of his length against your slit, watching him bite his lip at the sight.

“stop teasing me. i need you so badly,” jeno grunted, his large hands reaching behind your back.

you smiled before sinking down on his cock, mouth falling agape at his size.

“oh fuck.” you whispered once he was fully buried into you. you caught your lip in between your teeth as your walls adjusted to his cock. his hands rubbing soothing motions on your back as he watched you with dark eyes.

“slowly, baby.” jeno assured, pressing a soft kiss on your lips.

you slowly started to bounce on his cock. the sensation was burning but quickly turned into pleasure. you held onto his shoulders as you increase your pace,

“fuck, fuck.” jeno chanted, head falling against the headrest. “so tight and warm for me.”

whines slipped past your lips with each bounce, the tip of his cock perfectly kissing your cervix.

“s-so big.” you let out, nails digging into his shoulders.

jeno lifted his head, his eyes falling to your breasts, watching as they bounced right in front of his face. his mouth caught one of your nipples, tongue circling the sensitive bud.

the car shook with every movement you made. the window fogging and the scent of sex filling the air. you gasped as jeno’s fingers reached between your bodies, thumb circling your clit. your legs started to burn from riding him, so you sank further and began grinding on him.

“holy shit.” jeno cursed, pulling away from your nipple. his free hand gripping your hip to guide you, pushing you further down on his cock.

“i-i can’t—“you cried, tears forming in your eyes. legs growing weak with every grind.

“you can do it, baby. fuck yourself on my cock like the good girl you are.”

jeno’s words sent shocks through your body, moaning loudly as you chased your high. the stretch of his cock was enough to cloud your vision with stars. feeling lightheaded as you rocked yourself forward, the friction drove you insane.

“fuck, that’s it, baby. almost there.” jeno groaned, his voice deep.

you were cumming in no time as jeno increased his pace in circling your clit. your body squirming as you clenched around his cock. but jeno’s grip didn’t falter, still guiding you to grind your hips and you did. helping him reach his climax.

“shit—i’m gonna cum. where do you want it?”

“inside, jen.”

“fuck, i love you.” jeno grunted, making your eyes widen. with a throaty moan escaping his lips, his cum painted your walls. you gasped as his cock twitched inside you. catching his breath, he placed a kiss on your lips before flashing you a lazy smile.

“what did you say?” you questioned, an evident smile on your lips.

jeno’s grin faltered, a flush of embarrassment replacing his expression. “i love you, y/n.” he repeated more confidently. “i’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

“i love you, too, jeno.”

relief washed over him as he cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss that was slow, sweet, and filled with every unspoken word between you.

in that moment, the outside world ceased to exist. it was just you and jeno, wrapped in a love that had always been there.

“do we have to go?” jeno groaned dramatically, burying himself under your covers as if the mere thought of leaving your apartment was too much to bear.

you couldn’t help but giggle at him. grabbing his shirt from the ground and putting it on. the oversized fabric falling just above your thighs. “yes, jeno. we promised them, remember?”

jeno peeked beneath the comforter, his dark and messy hair sticking up in different directions. his gaze falling to your almost bare state. he sat up to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you into his lap, making you squeal. “why go to some party, when we could just stay here? in bed? loving each other?”

you playfully smacked his arm, although secretly loving his treatment. “because, baby, we said we’d be there. and besides,” you added, turning to face him with a smirk. “don’t you want to show off your girlfriend?”

the corner of jeno’s mouth lifted into a wide grin. “girlfriend, huh?” his voice laced with pride. “let’s go. but only because i love the sound of that.”

the loud music echoed throughout the house party. you and jeno entered together, his fingers intertwined with yours. as you both navigated the crowd, you spotted chaewon, mark, and haechan all hunched up together near the kitchen.

“y/n! jeno!” chaewon greeted, sending a wave over to the both of you. “what took you so long?” she engulfed you into a hug.

you returned her hug with a laugh. “it’s his fault.” you teased, nodding in jeno’s direction.

“hogging our girl all to yourself, lee?” mark raised a brow, smirking as he took a sip from his cup.

“correction,” jeno playfully glared, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. “she’s my girl.”

“barf.” haechan made a gagging motion, scrunching his face. “can’t believe we lived to see the day these two finally get together.”

“finally?” jeno questioned, a knowing smirk on his face as he faced you.

“y/n had a massive crush on you—” haechan singsong tone was cut short by your swift swat to his arm.

“okay, that’s enough!” you interrupted, dragging jeno away to grab some drinks. “let’s get drunk, shall we?”

jeno chuckled, pulling your body flush against him. he captured your lips into a soft kiss, the chaos of the party fading into the background.

as the night went on, the teasing and laughter continued. jeno stayed close, his hand never leaving yours. it felt good—natural—to finally not be afraid. throughout the evening, you caught him staring at you on multiple occasions. his eyes filled with adoration every single time, your heart felt content, and you knew this was exactly where you were meant to be.

#please leave some thoughts !!!#this literally took my blood sweat and tears #nct #nct dream #lee jeno #jeno imagines #nct imagines #jeno smut #nct smut #jeno angst #nct angst #jeno x reader #nct x reader #jeno oneshot #nct oneshot #jeno scenarios #nct scenarios

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beomgyuslilracha · 10 months ago

Text

two best friends in a room ❀.*

⊹ pairing: huening kai x f! reader

⊹ genre: clueless childhood friends to lovers

⊹ warnings: drinking involved and maybe angst if you squint really hard? other than that, it's mainly fluff!

⊹ wc: 7.0k

summary: if you had a thousand won for every time you heard the question "are you two dating?" or just the words "you two should just date already!", you and kai could probably afford to buy a house together. in which two childhood best friends are the only ones in all of seoul who can't seem to see that they're obviously in love with each other.

there were always hints.

not-so-subtle clues.

signs — or, billboards, if you will.

realistically, they were all so blatantly obvious that anyone with a functioning pair of eyes could see it. something just short of being able to scream the words to the world itself.

unfortunately, there is a certain pair that was utterly and embarrassingly oblivious.

and even more unfortunate? it was the same pair that the billboards were screaming about.

two childhood best friends. the beloved trope that all the best stories were inspired by and written about. the kind of friends anyone could look at and know, at first glance, that they were soulmates - destined to be together in any and every lifetime

the only thing fate didn't account for, in this lifetime, was the fact that they were both ridiculously blind.

୨ ✿ ୧

huening kai and y/n.

brought together by a stolen pack of 64 crayola crayons in primary school and impossible to separate ever since. had no one known any better, anyone would have been convinced that the two of you were, quite literally, glued to the hip.

despite all the years that have passed since you two first met, you both still did absolutely everything together. hell, you literally followed each other from primary school all the way to the same university.

the only way life managed to pull you two apart at all was with the ridiculously unreasonable university guidelines separating the male and female dorms — the rules were very much reasonable, you two were just pouty about it.

luckily for your codependency, you and kai only ever had to deal with being apart for four days out of the week.

once the weekend came around, with yeonjun and soobin's approval - and sometimes even without - the two of you, along with beomgyu and taehyun, would gather at their shared apartment and spend the next two nights and three days all together.

in fact, tonight was the first night of said weekend, and you and kai were already making your way to the elevator to head up to the older boys' apartment.

not empty-handed, of course, seeing as you both had one hand occupied with bags full of snacks to share and enjoy between the six of you.

it was a sort of rule that yeonjun and soobin collectively implemented after a few months of four freeloaders living off of their food supply. if any one of you were going to come over - most especially unannounced - then you were kindly asked (aka demanded) to supply the group with drinks/snacks.

in any case, the hands that weren't holding anything were to be found perfectly entwined with each other's — and they have been ever since the two of you left the university. not that this was anything out of the ordinary; honestly, it would be more surprising if you weren't holding hands.

your friendship with kai, for as long as either of you could remember, has always been an affectionate one. lots of hand-holding, many hugs, and even quite a bit of cuddling that made the rest of your friends feel nauseous upon witnessing.

"ahh, if it isn't the happy couple," yeonjun teased immediately after opening the door, earning simultaneous eye rolls from the two of you.

"oh ha ha, that's a new one." you stuck your tongue out playfully at the older boy, handing him the bag of snacks from your hand.

kai followed, quickly passing his bag of snacks into yeonjun's other hand while quickly following you inside - greeting soobin with a sweet embrace directly after you.

there was just something about the 'teasing yeonjun and loving soobin' agenda that the two of you naturally followed.

"kai ... there is nothing but gummies in here." yeonjun pointed out from the kitchen, his brows furrowed together as he scavenged through the bags the two of you had handed to him.

"yeah, i wanted to try every flavor they had!" kai answered enthusiastically, parting from you momentarily to go and grab a gummy bag full of sharks.

"i tried to stop him, but he insisted," you said with a shrug.

"no you didn't! you grabbed half of the bags!"

you were just about to open your mouth to deny his accusations, but, one mini flashback later, you realized he was right. on top of that, you were pretty sure it was also your idea ... but the others didn't need to know that.

"whatever," yeonjun rolled his eyes, an amused grin on his lips as he left both bags full of gummies to sit on the countertop. "let's just hope taehyun brings something that's considered actual food."

soobin couldn't help but to laugh from the living room as he began turning on the TV. "no faith in beomgyu then, huh?"

"are you kidding? last weekend he brought a king-size snickers bar and considered that his contribution," yeonjun recalled, throwing himself onto the couch cushion as he shook his head.

both you and kai simultaneously burst into giggles as the two of you also thought back to the same memory of your friend's dorky grin holding up his snickers bar with pride.

"didn't he eat the whole thing himself, too?" you asked, laughing even more.

"i swear, if he comes in here with nothing again, i'm literally kicking him out," yeonjun stated with exasperation, though all of you were more than positive that he was not remotely serious.

gathering a few bags of gummies to share between the two of you, both you and kai settled together in the single recliner seat – despite the open loveseat across from the two of you being entirely available for you to sit comfortably in.

not that either of you were uncomfortable in any way. in fact, it was quite the opposite. you squeezed beside kai in the seat cheerfully, with your legs draped over his lap, and began to playfully add a peach ring to both of his ring fingers.

one glance in your direction had yeonjun gagging in a mocking manner, rolling his eyes dramatically.

he only stopped when you threw a shark gummy at his head, grinning in amusement as he took a bite of it's head.

a knock sounding from the door interrupted the casual chatter that had eventually occupied the room, introducing taehyun into the space once soobin had answered the door for him. he wordlessly lifted his arms, showcasing the bags filled with chinese takeout to the three of you that remained in the living room.

"tyun, you're my angel," yeonjun cooed, pretending to be moved to tears when he eyed the containers filled with actual food. he stood from the couch to walk over to taehyun with open arms of affection, though taehyun himself wasn't exactly welcome of the gesture – judging by the way he dodged his hug to greet you and kai instead.

"ah, i see you two have made yourself comfortable already," taehyun remarked, noting the position the two of you were in.

"wasted no time when they got here, actually," soobin added with a chuckle, walking back to the loveseat with a container of noodles in his hands this time.

you scoffed, shaking your head with the slightest twinge of annoyance, though not bothered enough to make any sort of comment in return.

unfortunately, you and kai were far too used to the teasing by this point.

whether they feigned disgust or constantly referred to the two of you as a couple, you both remained unbothered and confident in your friendship to not let any of their remarks affect you.

"whatever," you dismissed them casually, chewing off the head of the gummy bear in your hand. "so what're the plans for tonight?"

soobin shrugged with uncertainty, setting down his chopsticks after chewing his mouthful of noodles. "same as always, i think. we could make up another game tournament or just have a movie marathon."

taehyun was quick to shake his head as he sat down on the longer sofa, his expression appearing completely serious. "i'm not playing another game with those cheaters over there," he commented, nodding his head over in your direction.

your mouth gaped open in surprise. "what is that supposed to mean??"

yeonjun scoffed loudly in order to truly showcase his disbelief in your shock. "oh, please, as if you two don't always team up together to cheat against us."

"when have we ever-" kai started, but was cut off by the other three instantaneously listing all the games that the two of you have cheated in without any hesitation – which wound up being almost every single game.

"... and then there was also that time in monopoly where you were both sneaking money under the table-"

"okay, hold on, that's not fair! we were already on the verge of going bankrupt by the time we started cheating," you attempted to defend yourself, pointing your finger over at taehyun. "you had like 5 hotels on boardwalk, so excuse us for trying to help each other survive."

kai was too busy laughing beside you to join in on the conversation. he just found his best friend far too adorable as he watched you get so worked up over the memory.

the bickering went on for maybe another minute before the front door of the apartment suddenly burst open, finally announcing the presence of the final member of your group of six.

"don't worry, kids, beomgyu is here! the weekend can officially begin!" he announced loudly, kicking the door closed with his shoe as he held up two bags full of bottles of beer and soju.

"who gave him a key?" was yeonjun's only concern, looking over at soobin with a look of pure confusion.

"that's not important," beomgyu dismissed him, moving to the living room to set both bags onto the coffee table in front of everyone. "what is important is that i'm here with drinks!"

you laughed at the sight, shaking your head in amazement. "yeah, we can see that. did you want us to black out tonight or something?"

"no, i want us to have fun," beomgyu answered, lightly flicking at your forehead as if you were somehow the ridiculous one in this situation. "when was the last time the six of us actually drank and had fun?"

"i didn't know we needed to drink in order to have fun," taehyun deadpanned, not even bothering to look up from the takeout in his hands.

while the remaining four of you were in agreeance with taehyun, seeing as you've all collectively had fun together without any involvement of drinking before, beomgyu could just barely see out of the hole that he was digging himself into.

"okay, listen, you know that's not what i meant," he attempted to save himself, lifting his hands up in a surrendering motion.

"no, no, please! tell us, gyu, have you not been having fun this entire time?" you continued to tease, glancing over to kai in order to catch his amused smile and giggle together.

beomgyu noted this exchange, rolling his own eyes.

you both were always looking to the other for reactions, hoping to see if you managed to make the other smile or laugh. it was sickeningly sweet, truthfully - as if nothing was actually funny unless you reassured each other with a proper reaction.

beomgyu groaned, shaking his head. "listen, i don't want to hear it from mr. and mrs. over here, alright? you guys know what i meant!"

your previous expression of amusement quickly dropped, earning more snickers from the others. sure, you did claim to be confident in your friendship with kai to be unbothered by these types of comments, but that didn't mean they weren't still annoying to hear every five minutes.

although, you suppose that kai wrapping his arms around your waist to hold you closer to him wasn't exactly helpful to the argument.

but what did you care? as you snuggled closer into kai's embrace, you pushed the thought aside and reveled in the comfort of your best friend.

"fine, fine. what did you have in mind then?" soobin finally dragged the attention away from the two of you, pausing all the teasing for a brief moment to actually figure out what beomgyu's supposed plan to have fun was.

"thank you, my dear soobin, i'm so glad you asked," beomgyu beamed brightly. "i was thinking we could all happily drink to our heart's content and then play a mature game of truth or dare."

crickets.

"what are we, 12?" yeonjun scoffed, shaking his head instantly at the idea.

beomgyu's bottom lip jutted out into a pout. "oh, come on, it's not that bad of an idea! when we're drunk, it'll be more fun."

"listen, i'm down for drinking, but i'm probably not going to participate in your little grade school game," you spoke up honestly, shrugging.

the general consensus was pretty much on your side, leaving beomgyu to pout in defeat as everyone began grabbing a bottle to drink and continue on with the evening in a less immature way.

୨ ✿ ୧

by 10 o'clock that night and about three bottles of beer and multiple shots of soju later, the six of you were gathered around the coffee table and giggling like maniacs.

"okay, okay.. yeonjun, truth or dare?" beomgyu asked, slurring his words ever so slightly.

not one of you could remember how you got here.

yeonjun let's out a hiccup before smirking, his droopy eyes barely able to meet beomgyu's in return. "dare!"

"i dare you to record a dance challenge right now and post it to your story," beomgyu smirked back, laughing like a madman as if it were the most diabolical dare he could come up with.

"boooo," you groaned aloud, gesturing a thumbs down in beomgyu's direction. "he posts dance challenges all the time, this is no fun."

beomgyu hummed, his drunken mind barely realizing this fact for himself as well. "oh... okay, well, in that case we get to choose the challenge!"

yeonjun shrugged, entirely unbothered as he took another sip of his beer. "doesn't matter to me."

beomgyu was silent for a moment, seemingly trying to remember the current dance challenges that were going around, but all of you could clearly tell his foggy mind was coming up blank. after a brief moment of eye contact with you, he crawled over and whispered obnoxiously loud, "help me choose a challenge!"

your eyes widened with an idea, smiling brightly as you tried to recall the name of the song.

"oh, oh! make him- make him do that one where... with the girls, when they do the little thing.. with their hips?" God, what was the name of it again? your poor state of mind could not, for the life of you, remember what it was called. "you know the one, where it's like- like the .. titi ti ti... you know?"

your eyes scanned over your group of friends, hopeful that they would understand what you were talking about, but they were all collectively staring at you as if you had miraculously grown a second head.

"y/n, i mean this with all my love and affection... but what the fuck are you talking about?" beomgyu couldn't help but to laugh.

you pouted, sighing in defeat. you looked beside you at your best friend of the five, your eyes practically pleading for him to read your mind and understand you. "kai, you know what i'm talking about, right?"

he hummed for a second before lighting up with realization. "oh! you mean antifragile?"

you gasped, wasting no time in throwing your arms around him in excitement and knocking him over to the floor. "yes!! yes, thank you! i knew you'd understand me!" you peppered kisses all over his cheek in delight, genuinely overjoyed.

kai's face was now entirely flushed red at this point, and he had to hide his face behind his hands from the embarrassment after you finally pulled away from him.

an action that was certainly not missed by the group.

"there! you have to dance to antifragile and post it to your story," you beamed brightly, acting entirely nonchalant – as if you hadn't just spent the past minute and a half kissing your best friend's face.

taehyun blinked with mild surprise, exchanging equally confused looks with soobin. even they couldn't remember a time where the two of you were that affectionate with one another, so neither of them were entirely sure if they should acknowledge or ignore it.

yeonjun, for the time being, went with the latter.

"okay, well, let's film this challenge and move on."

and that he did. although, in his head, he was overly confident that he absolutely nailed the challenge and had no shame in posting it. the rest of you, however, could clearly tell that he forgot half the choreography and started dancing to an entirely different song halfway through.

of course, neither of you spoke up to correct him. you collectively agreed it would be funnier for him to watch it back in the morning.

"alright, so it's my turn now, yeah?" yeonjun asked as he sat back down on the floor, a hint of a smirk gracing his lips.

your eyes were narrowed suspiciously as his smirk only widened once he looked over and met your gaze.

"y/n. truth or dare?"

a suspicious feeling in your gut was just sober enough to convince you to play it safe. something about his determined stare had you worried about what he had in mind for a dare.

"uhh, truth."

with a subtle glance at kai, yeonjun continued on, "okay. have you ever had a crush on any one of us before?"

you blinked. "what? where did that come from?"

"oooh, that's a good one!" beomgyu was thoroughly impressed with yeonjun's question, now watching you with intense curiosity shining in his big, boba eyes. "have you?"

even soobin and taehyun were eyeing you with piqued interest.

you swallowed a nervous gulp, feeling your cheeks heating up under their scrutinizing gazes.

"is that a yes i'm sensing, little y/nie?" yeonjun teased in a cooing voice, smirking almost devilishly as he studied the way you were shyly avoiding eye contact. "which one of us, huh?"

"hey, cut that out," kai quickly stepped in, setting his drink down. "she doesn't have to answer that."

his arm snaked around your waist protectively, his brows furrowing together. he couldn't entirely tell if you were uncomfortable by the question, but he'd rather not take any risks.

one could argue, however, that maybe kai was the one personally trying to avoid the question. taehyun's eyebrow twitched inquisitively, eyeing kai now more than ever. was he, perhaps, the one who did not want to know the answer to that question?

"fine, fine, but she still hasn't answered the first one," yeonjun chuckled, tilting his head playfully. "and if she doesn't, then she has to do the triple dog dare of my choosing."

you groaned, your hands reaching up to cover the glowing red color that was painted across your cheeks from the embarrassment. there was no way in hell you were about to have yeonjun triple dog dare you to do anything.

"okay!" you exclaimed, still staring straight ahead at the table to avoid looking at any of them. "yes... i had a crush on one of you guys before, but that was way back in our first year of high school. it lasted, for like, a week and then i was over it."

the room fell dead silent, the five of them now exchanging glances with one another as they telepathically tried to figure out which one of them it was that had caught your eye back then – even if it was rather short-lived.

in any case, you figured it would be funnier to never speak on the topic again and watch as they drive themselves crazy trying to figure out who the one was.

"moving on," you continued the game casually. "taehyun, truth or dare?"

he strategically chose to answer truth, allowing you to ask him a rather harmless question about any secret guilty pleasures he has hidden from the rest of you.

to which he swore up and down that there was nothing he was ashamed of to hide.

"kai, truth or dare?" taehyun's tone was relatively calm, but his unwavering eyes had a part of you feeling rather nervous about what he had planned.

"ummm.." kai glanced at you for some form of reassurance, almost sharing your sense of nerves. "truth?"

"have you ever thought about dating?"

kai's original nervousness faded as he then rolled his eyes, an act that had almost become a routine of his for every time this question was brought up. "oh, come on, don't you guys ever get tired of that question? why can't y/n and i just be friends without you guys bringing up dating every five minutes?"

taehyun smirked.

if this were a game of chess, he'd imagine kai was put in check right about now.

"i just asked if you ever thought about dating in general. you were the one who thought of y/n."

kai opened his mouth to retort, but not a word came out.

after a few seconds had passed, though it truthfully felt like an hour, you finally scoffed. "i'm sorry, but can you blame him? you guys never leave us alone, so obviously kai was going to assume that was just another roundabout way of talking about the two of us."

taehyun lifted his hands in a silent gesture of surrender, wordlessly setting down his metaphorical chess piece as he gave in to the checkmate.

"so does that mean we can rule out kai being the one you crushed on in high school?" beomgyu questioned suddenly, shifting the attention over to himself.

"beomgyu!" soobin hissed, placing his finger to his lips in order to signal for beomgyu to hush.

now it was beomgyu who was holding his hands up in surrender. "what? i can't be the only one who's still thinking about it, right?"

you couldn't help but to laugh, shaking your head in genuine amusement. regardless of the atmosphere, you knew you could always count on beomgyu to lighten the mood in any situation.

eventually, the six of you went back to the game and there were no longer any unnecessary insinuations from the others about your friendship with kai. even when the two of you got extra cuddly after more drinks, their comments remained kept to themselves - though their shared looks were not as secretive as they may have thought.

that was, until later, when you and taehyun found yourselves alone in the kitchen as you were grabbing water bottles for everyone. at least, that's what the two of you originally went into the kitchen for - somehow after discovering a container of dumplings, the two of you ended up sat on the floor instead and eating them together away from the others.

"so what're you going to do when kai starts dating?"

you froze midbite, caught off-guard by the sudden question. you quickly chewed what was in your mouth before turning to stare at taehyun with a perplexed look. "what are you talking about?"

"i'm talking about kai. eventually, he's going to want to start dating," taehyun reiterated for you, his expression unwavering. "if you two always swear up and down that you're just friends, that means he's going to have to be apart from you to get close with someone else. so i was just curious what you were going to do."

you couldn't help but to be taken aback. the thought never really dawned on you before, seeing as you kind of just assumed you and kai would be inseparable.

"why do we have to be apart for him to start dating?" you asked, feeling a small twinge in your heart at the thought.

taehyun sighed, having to remind himself of your codependency on each other. "well, think about it this way. imagine you start dating someone, but they always had to have their best friend around. wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?"

you frowned, painfully realizing the truth to taehyun's explanation. you supposed it would be kind of awkward to always have a third person around in an intimate relationship.

"well, so far, kai and i never had to deal with that problem," you commented, glancing back at taehyun.

taehyun shook his head, unable to suppress the pity in his eyes. "of course you haven't had to deal with it yet. no one approaches either of you because they already assume that you're dating."

another painful point ...

"i'm just saying," taehyun spoke up, shrugging his shoulders as he focused back on grabbing the last dumpling from the container. "if you two really are 'just friends', then you need to be ready for when the other eventually starts dating."

admittedly, it was a little difficult going back to the others after that and acting as if you hadn't been faced with a reality check during, what was supposed to be, a fun night of hanging out together. it was even more difficult having kai wrap his arm around you when all you could imagine was him treating another girl the same exact way.

did that mean you wouldn't be able to be close with him anymore?

of course not.. what girl in their right mind would want to see their boyfriend cuddled up with another girl?

"y/nie, you okay?" kai's gentle voice beside you finally drew you out of your spiraling thoughts, his hand simultaneously reaching up to caress your cheek as he studied your saddened expression.

you forced a smile. "yeah, sorry, i just got lost in thought."

it was more than evident that kai knew you weren't being entirely honest - the two of you have been friends for almost your entire lives, he practically knew you inside and out by this point. of course, he also knew that you would tell him when you were ready, and now was not exactly the best time when you were surrounded by your four other friends.

curse kang taehyun for putting these thoughts in your head. there you were having a great night with your friends, then suddenly you were heartbroken over the thought of losing your best friend when he was still sitting right beside you.

you prayed that both sides of taehyun's pillow ended up being warm for the entire weekend.

"y/n! truth or dare!" beomgyu called out suddenly, reminding you of the game that you had originally been playing before you and taehyun had left for your side quest in the kitchen.

"oh, right, um ... okay, dare."

the game continued on rather normally while you all consumed more drinks, but you honestly couldn't recall many details of what had occurred later on during the night. you remember a lot of giggling and stumbling around, but nothing too specific after that.

although, you do happen to remember vividly clinging onto kai more and more as the night progressed. you started off with simply resting your head on his shoulder to be close to him, but somewhere along the way you ended up on his lap and making the others nauseous as you cuddled up even closer.

"i think i'm going to be sick, and it's not from the alcohol," beomgyu had joked at one point, pretending to gag as he turned away from the sight of you and kai feeding each other gummies.

"you're just jealous," you teased, sticking out your tongue playfully.

a devilish grin adorned beomgyu's features at your words. he tilted his head, now turning the tables around to tease you. "you know what? i am jealous." he patted his lap dramatically. "why don't you come over here and feed me gummies?"

before you could even register how to respond to that, kai's arms had subconsciously tightened around you to keep you in his hold. "no."

you felt your heart leap in your chest at his deadpanned answer, but you couldn't even begin to decipher as to why. you glanced over at kai curiously, trying to judge whether he was being serious or just joking around.

"get your own gummies," kai finished, a humorous smile finally growing on his face.

the two of them seemed to laugh and move on, but why were you still thinking about the way his arms were still held protectively around you? and why was your heart pounding in your chest?

what if it wasn't the gummies that he didn't want to share?

you let your head fall to rest on kai's chest, closing your eyes gently. maybe you just drank too much to think rationally.

୨ ✿ ୧

once it had reached an ungodly hour of the night, and not a single one of you were capable of keeping your eyes open any longer, you each collectively agreed to split off into your respective rooms to sleep.

yeonjun and soobin lived in a three bedroom apartment, thus allowing the six of you to divide evenly into each room every time you all stayed over.

it was an unspoken rule that you and kai were always paired together in the guest bedroom, leaving beomgyu and taehyun to decide which one of them bunked with yeonjun or soobin in their own bedrooms.

tonight, you and kai didn't wait around to see where the two ended up staying. instead, the two of you washed up together in the restroom and headed straight to bed while the others played whatever deciding game they chose.

now, every time the two of you stayed the night together in the older boys' apartment before, you've comfortably been able to share a bed and cuddle together throughout the night without a second thought.

so why do you both suddenly feel so far away from each other?

the two of you were laying on your backs, staring up at the ceiling in a darkened room with only the soft sounds of your breath to fill the silence.

unbeknownst to the other, you were both laying awake and allowing your thoughts to run crazy as you individually processed a few details during the night.

while you were chewing on the inside of your cheek and processing the brief conversation you had with taehyun in the kitchen, kai was consumed with the painful curiosity of wondering which one of them it was that you had once held feelings for.

sure, he was able to feign his nonchalance during the game, but that didn't mean it wasn't still eating him alive.

"hey, can i ask-" you both spoke up simultaneously, only stopping to let out a small laugh at the realization.

"you can go first," you offered, turning your head over in his direction to face him.

he seemed to take a deep breath before turning over to face you as well. since both of your eyes had enough time to adjust to the darkness of the room, you were able to see him rather clearly, thus allowing you to note his oddly nervous expression.

"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but..." he was hesitating now. "i was just, you know .. wondering..."

his fingers were mindlessly toying with a loose piece of string from the duvet, a small distraction for his hands as he attempted to build up his courage. he could feel his heart practically hammering against his ribcage, and a part of him feared that you could hear it as well.

God, did he even want to know?

"beomgyu."

his heart plummeted into his stomach. "..what?"

"it was beomgyu," you chuckled lightly, completely unaware of the way kai's throat had practically run dry. "that's what you wanted to ask, right?"

he nodded, seemingly incapable of forming any words at the moment. there was this strange feeling in his chest that felt like a weight had been placed on it, but he could not understand why he would feel like this.

"it was only for, like, three days, though," you clarified, feeling a sudden urge to reassure him. "it was when he was elected class president for our year. i think i mostly just built this image of him in my head to be like those k-dramas we always watch."

truth be told, kai only half-listened to what you were saying. once he heard that it was beomgyu who had once been a subject of your feelings, his mind subconsciously wandered off to start comparing himself to his older friend.

but why?

"did you fall asleep on me?" you asked suddenly, your soft voice finally drawing him out of his self-deprecating thoughts.

"no, sorry, i was just... lost in thought," he answered, repeating the same excuse that you had used on him earlier in the evening. he cleared his throat now, wanting to move on desperately from this topic. "so what was your question?"

you were grateful to the darkness for covering the blush that had suddenly graced your cheeks. now that it came time to actually ask him, you no longer had any desire to know the answer.

"oh, it was nothing, nevermind. it was a stupid question," you quickly dismissed it, waving your hand in the air as if to physically brush off the question.

without even realizing it, kai's instinctive nature had him reaching for your hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. an action that should be relatively normal for the two of you suddenly causing your heart rate to speed up unnaturally.

"hey, don't say that. you know you can ask me anything," kai reassured you, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand.

you had to swallow down the lump that had formed in your throat. somehow his hand in yours made the question even more difficult to ask than before.

you took a deep breath, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. you couldn't remember a time before where you had ever felt scared to be open with kai.

"have- have you ever thought about dating anyone?"

once the question had escaped your lips, you ultimately regretted it. you no longer had any desire of wanting to know the answer to that question, afraid that kai would suddenly agree that the two of you should start spending less time together.

"honestly?"

fuck, here it comes...

"honestly, no," kai answered genuinely. "its never really crossed my mind before."

"why not?"

you could see his outline shrug through the darkness. "i don't know. i guess i've just always been so happy with you that i never needed another person in my life."

your heart was practically swelling in your chest as you felt your face grow ten times warmer than it's normal temperature, though a frown still remained on your lips as a sudden new sense of guilt filled your chest after further thought.

"but don't you want someone you can be affectionate with?"

kai chuckled, shaking his head. "i think we're plenty affectionate with each other, yeah?" he lifted up your hands to make a point, noting that they had yet to separate from being entwined with each other.

you scoffed, rolling your eyes - despite the fact that he couldn't quite see the action. "you know what i mean! i mean someone you can actually, you know... kiss.. and be intimate with." your voice grew quieter as you finished your sentence, feeling shy and embarrassed for even bringing it up.

the room felt like someone had turned up the heater by ten degrees, increasing this unknown tension that was settling between the two of you.

"but we have kissed before, remember?" you could practically hear the smirk that was on his face as he adjusted his position in bed to lay on his side and face you directly.

you let out a laugh, shaking your head before turning to face him with a humorous grin. "i don't think it counts when we were seven."

he laughed with you for a moment before returning to the original topic. "i know, i know. but i'm serious. i guess i just always saw us as inseparable, so i never really considered being apart from you to get to know anyone else."

"do you want to?"

the two of you were facing each other entirely now, the space between you both having suddenly minimized dramatically from before - only your interlocked hands separating the two of you from practically brushing noses.

"do you want to?"

no... no, absolutely not. there was no one else in this world who could ever remotely compare to kai in the slightest, much less replace him.

of course, a part of you was far too shy to voice such thoughts out loud, leaving you to simply shake your head in response instead.

"then i don't either." his voice was as low as a whisper, eliciting your heart to leap in your chest.

you couldn't pinpoint when it happened exactly, but the energy in the room had definitely shifted. there was something unspoken in the air that neither of you were quite confident enough to address, too afraid of how the other may react.

which left you both to lay in silence, gazing shyly at one another while your hearts unknowingly raced in sync.

after what felt like centuries had passed, the soft shuffling sound of movement broke the deafening silence. of course, what you hadn't expected was for the movement to signify kai leaning in closer... and closer.

you could smell the peppermint from the toothpaste as you felt his soft breath hit your face, fully aware of the way his lips were now only a mere centimeter from your own.

"wait-"

in a matter of seconds, after you impulsively voiced your hesitancy, it was like he was suddenly farther away than before.

kai had sat up so quickly when he registered your voice, feeling absolutely disgusted with himself for daring to make such a move without ensuring you were comfortable.

of course he read the room wrong... he just got too far ahead of himself in the moment...

"no, you're right, i'm so sorry," he was rambling so quickly, you were barely able to make out a word. "i shouldn't have done that, i don't know what i was thinking. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, i'm so sorry."

you had to reach out for his arm in order to stop him from leaving. he had already thrown off the blanket and was preparing to leave the room entirely, uttering apology after apology as he stood up from the bed completely.

your heart physically ached at the sight – all because you couldn't keep your mouth shut for one more second.

"no, kai, listen to me.." you finally managed to get out, positioning yourself to sit up on your knees in front of him as you desperately clung to his arm to prevent him from leaving you. "that wasn't what i meant."

he gulped, thankful for the darkness that you couldn't make out the tear that had escaped and was now racing down his cheek. he was not really one to be emotional like this, but he was scared.

he was scared that he ruined everything.

you were the last person he ever wanted to lose, so to think he could have messed it all up with one wrong move...

"i said 'wait' because... i've never actually kissed anyone before," you admitted through an embarrassed mumble, your heart pounding in your chest from the nerves. you wondered if he could feel the way your hand was shaking.

he guided your hand from his arm, gently pressing it up to his cheek and leaning into your touch. he chuckled ever so softly, the sound erupting butterflies in your stomach that you hadn't ever felt before.

his voice was gentle and delicate, perfectly easing your concern. "i haven't either, remember?"

with him still holding your hand up to his cheek, you absent-mindedly begin to caress his cheek with your thumb. your heart was most definitely on the verge of beating right out of your chest, but you no longer cared.

here you were, in front of your best friend, with these newfound feelings stirring in your chest. although you couldn't quite understand or make sense of all of them, you did know one thing for sure.

you really wanted to kiss him.

this time, you were confident enough to lean in. you had originally imagined the experience to be much more romantic, but it appeared that your lips only just managed to make contact with the corner of his mouth - having missed your original target amidst the darkness.

the two of you instantly burst into a fit of giggles, resting your foreheads against one another as you processed the moment. you were mostly reacting out of embarrassment, but kai found it to be extremely endearing.

your giggles were cut short as you felt kai's hand gently cradle your jaw, silencing you as his lips perfectly made contact with your own.

there wasn't much movement, seeing as you both weren't exactly the most experienced, but there was still a spark of electricity that sent shivers down your spine.

you giggled against his lips as he broke into a shy grin, pulling away ever so slightly. "i'm sorry, i'm- i'm not good at this."

you shook your head quickly, cupping both sides of his face gently with your hands. "no, don't say that. we both just need practice, that's all."

with a newfound confidence, kai snaked his arms around your waist to pull you close to his chest, once again making you grateful for the darkened room hiding the intense blush that was certainly coloring your face right about now. "you'll help me practice, right?"

you could only nod, taking the opportunity to connect your lips together once more and reveling in the way it felt to kiss your best friend - your other half, truly.

the kiss lasted much longer this time. despite you being the one to initiate it, kai was the one to deepen the kiss and fill the room with the intimate sounds.

once the two of you pulled away to catch your breaths, you smirked in response.

"what are best friends for?"

masterlist

a/n:

i needed to desperately give in to writing fluff with kai because myGOD i've just been feeling so deeply for him lately 😭 i apologize for working on this over ydgtp, but i needed to get this out so bad. i could probably do a pt. 2 of sorts.. but i like it how it is so maybe not.

pls let me know what you think !! and i promise to go back to writing pt. 8 🤩

permanent taglist:

@human-misery @dongmeiii @softcabur @marekmybeloved @aishidaishi @taekwondoes @wccycc @jjhmk @mjlasagna @eclecticeggknightpsychic @yjusei @beachbabe4ever @laylasbunbunny

#tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together imagine #txt #txt imagine #txt imagines #hueningkai #hueningkai x reader #huening kai x reader #huening kai #hueningkai imagines #huening txt #hueningkai fluff #hueningkai x you #hueningkai x y/n #hueningkai fanfic #txt drabbles #txt x reader #hueningkai drabble

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sook9i · 8 months ago

Text

— NAKED IN MANHATTAN

⋆｡°✩ After a drunk conversation leads you to question your feelings for your bandmate and friend, Hueningkai, maybe a night together in Manhattan is just what you need to clear the air.

. . . GENRE ! Hueningkai x reader | smut | fluff | friends to lovers

. . . CONTAINS ! virgin!kai, virgin!reader, 6th member!reader, afab!reader, talks of virginity, mentions of alcohol and alcohol consumption, swearing, loss of virginity, unrealistic first time? (not that i would know), no established dynamics, fingering, protected sex 🙏, some aftercare, a little too much foreplay, consent checks, kinda just porn with plot, the other members tease them about their virginity (don’t do that)

. . . WORD COUNT ! 4660

. . . NOTES ! i’ve been writing this for,,,literally ever and i’m so glad it’s finally done !! this is inspired by naked in manhattan by chappell roan however considering that it’s a sapphic love song i’m still kinda unsure if i’m going to keep the title of it for this fic. if anyone has any opinions let me know!! anyways i hope you enjoy!!

. . . ADMIN ! written by callie 😼

Bright lights twinkle across the floor like stars. You can’t see the real stars up in the sky, but you make do with the high-rises lighting up the horizon. Cars beep and blare their horns stories below you. This sweet symphony fills the cold, empty hotel room like a lullaby. However, it isn’t really empty. You’re there, staring out across the Manhattan skyline. Kai’s there, just there behind a closed door in the bathroom. Bare only for the comforting hot water of the shower he was in. He’s there, racing through your thoughts like always. Around and around; an ever-looping track of vice. This boy, your friend, your bandmate, driving you crazy just by standing beyond a wall.

This isn’t exactly how you imagined spending a night in New York City. The rest of the boys took full advantage of the free night. Taehyun had wanted to explore, last you heard he was in Time Square. Beomgyu and Yeonjun had gone out to get some dinner and god only knows where they ended up, now five hours later.

Soobin, on the other hand, was the reason you ended up in this position. Having approached you after your radio show taping and apologetically begging you to let him have the single hotel room for the night. And how could you say no? You cared for your members, and your leader especially seemed like he could use a night with just himself. He was probably spread-eagle on the hotel bed, 5-steps deep into his skincare routine right now, and watching whatever show he’s been raving about for the past week; probably having the time of his life. However, when you agreed to give up your room, you failed to think about the implications. You didn’t consider that you’d now be rooming with whoever Soobin had left behind. You didn’t even think about how he usually roomed with Hueningkai. Not a single thought passed through your head, except sweet old sympathy for your leader. Now, you were considering disavowing kindness for the rest of your life because of where that nice gesture landed you.

You heard the water shut off in the bathroom like the final clock strike right before midnight. Face embarrassingly hot, you keep your back to the door as it opens. New light slants across the floor, fluorescent and harsh. It mingles with the soft rush of humidity into the room and claws at your pajamas. Begging you to turn, to look, to face the perpetual inhabitant of your dreams. You tried to ignore the way your heart sped up simply hearing him shuffle around behind you. Still, your blood ran hotter, building up in your cheeks and neck.

You’ve had your fair share of innocent crushes over time, including the one you’ve harbored for Huening over the past 4 years. However, none ever left you feeling like this. This disoriented, this flustered, this desperate despite actively trying to dismantle your feelings for months now. He’d manage to send you tumbling back down, head over heels, in one quick night. Just the thought of his voice, the way the words came to him so easily, kept you spiraling.

The night’s high spirits had long settled down. Celebrating the start of your world tour with drinks and food had kept the mood quite energetic. Now, spread out on the dorm floor, nursing a half-empty soju bottle, you find yourself prattling off to silence.

“Sooo…what are you guys most excited for in America?”

Yeonjun snorts from the couch above you, “You sound like every American interview we do.”

“Okay, well…you can be like 100% completely honest with me.”

“I wanna try some cool food and drinks or something.” Beomgyu jumps in, “Like the themed ones from specialty bars that people always post.”

The oldest hums in agreement, “It would be pretty nice to go out one night.”

“We’re in New York for a few days, I’m pretty sure we have an open night there.” Soobin pipes in, curled up in the couch corner.

“Maybe I’ll go visit the Lego store.”

A sudden chorus of laughter erupts at your words. Struggling to sit up, you frown at all the amused faces now in view.

“What’s so funny, assholes?”

“Y/nnie, you should get out more.” The words coming from Beomgyu were almost hypocritical.

“You’re one to talk! And, yeah, that’s why I’d go shopping.”

“We mean, like, get out and meet people. A different country is a great place for that, especially for us.” Taehyun sits in an armchair taking a slow sip from his can, “Go out, have a fun night, and just make sure they sign an NDA afterwards.”

Another round of laughter strikes up and it dawns on you what they’re actually talking about. Your face feels hot and a pout stretches on your lips.

“You guys all suck! I told you, it’ll happen when it happens.” You cross your arms, almost whining like a child, “Why don’t you ever tease Huening about this? I’m not the only virgin in the group!”

Yeonjun snorts, “Damn, way to throw Kai under the bus.”

“Wait, no,” You frantically turn your head around to his seat behind you. “Huening, I didn’t mean-”

He breaks a small smile, “It’s okay, Y/n, I get what you meant.”

“We’re, like, virginity pals.” You stupidly bump your shoulder into his which elicits a very awkward laugh.

“Let’s talk about something else.”

Beomgyu is quick to the draw, immediately beginning to ramble on about his latest meet-up with Jeongin. You don’t get a chance to catch much of it as lips brush along your ear.

“You know, if you ever want to fix that, you can just ask me.” His voice is low and even, his breath leaves goosebumps along your neck. The words swim up and around your head, wiping away some of the haze; snapping you into a brief sense of clarity to process what he just said. You feel your heart almost sputter to a stop. Unable to choke out a response, you turn to look at him only to find cold air. Huening is up and away in the kitchen getting another drink, leaving you alone and flustered. Caught in his words’ web like a helpless fly.

They’ve been plaguing you since their utterance 5 days ago. Orbiting your brain like an ever-present moon. Driving you so far up the proverbial wall that, once you come back down, you will surely die on impact. You’ve never felt this confused, wondering if he meant what he said, if he even remembered it. Perhaps you were driving yourself insane over something inconsequential to him. How were you going to survive this night?

“You wanna watch a movie?”

So easily, he has you trapped. You have to face him, face this, and act completely normal. Act like your thoughts haven’t been full of him; the things you’d let him do to you and the things you’d do to him in return. Act like the way water drips from the edges of his hair, tracing his bare collar, isn’t driving you mad. Wet spots decorate the thin, white shirt stretched across his shoulders. It sticks to the vaguely visible skin trailing down his torso. A pair of sweatpants hang dangerously low off his hips, you struggle to bring your eyes away back up to his face. There his face is soft, head tilted and eyes crinkled, expecting an answer. You want to shrivel beneath his sweet gaze.

“I-um, yeah, sure. W-what movie?”

“Oh, I don’t really know. I was just going to see what’s streaming, maybe order some room service.” He drops a laptop onto his bed. Crawling atop the sheets, he flips it open and looks back at you. Waiting, expectant. His hand softly pats the duvet beside him and you have nowhere to run.

The sheets are standard fare for a hotel and the mattress is stiff as you sit. You’re practically almost hanging off the edge trying to keep a safe distance from Kai. If your skin so much as brushed his, you’d be broken. You weren’t willing to risk bumping knees. If he thinks it odd, he doesn’t say anything. Looking at the screen, he’s now scrolling through a bunch of movie options. Title after title flys by. Two of his fingers push along the mouse pad. The muscles of his hand twitch with every movement; veins shifting, knuckle tucking in and out. From fingertip to wrist his hands are huge, probably enough to completely cover your face. His fingers especially, are very long, so thin-cut and delicate. It can only make you wonder just how deep they could reach. If he knew how to really use them.

You feel your brain melting into a cesspool of depravity the longer you’re around him. Squeezing your eyes tight, the thoughts barely dissipate. Although, you’re granted a small peace as he picks your mind with something else.

“How about Spider-man?”

“Hm?” Peeking back at the screen, his cursor had landed on a Spider-Verse movie. Although, you didn’t really know which one. Your head feels so cotton-stuffed, you simply nod without a thought. So he clicks on the card to play. Opening credits roll in and you fall further into the static. This movie should’ve been the perfect distraction, something exciting and enjoyable. However, the soft heat of the boy curled beside you permeates your skin like a fever. It’s no use, you can’t fight the speed of your heart. The blood rush through your ears takes up everything in the room. Eyes, laser focused to the laptop screen, yet mind somewhere far away. So far you don’t notice the sound of the movie stopping suddenly.

“Y/n?”

Kai’s knee softly bumps yours as he faces you. It’s like a lightning strike right to the chest. Heartbeat rocketing, your words get jumbled. “Wha-um-what?”

“I…Is something wrong? Did I do something?” He avoids eye contact, hands twisting up.

“N-no, no-um, Huening…what’s up?”

“I just…I feel like you’ve kinda been avoiding me? His eyes slowly drag up to your face. “Like, you won’t even look at me.”

All you can hear is the blood rushing over your chest and cheeks, it’s all you can see as well. Kai’s eyebrows are knit together in an expression that should not be nearly as hot as your overdriven brain thinks it is. The words jumble up in your throat, a 4-year confession and a week-long confessional-in-the-making. Your brain goes blank. Everything seems to spill out.

“I-I’m not…upset. I’m-Kai-it’s um, just…do…do you remember that conversation we had…like the night of the first show?” Your stomach twists, ready to eat itself up in embarrassment.

“Um, maybe…” His eyes flit around as if trying to grasp the memory from the air. Brows draw in tighter before he stills. A chill settles between you two. His face explodes in Saharan heat. “Oh god.”

The realization fills up the room with its horrible heated mortification. Your head hangs, guilt pooling in your lap.

“Oh-oh god, Y/n, I’m so sorry! I’m so so sorry! I should’ve never said that, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m so sorry-”

“No-no, you-you didn’t. I just-” You bury your head in your hands. Your cheeks burn the skin like a radiator, your heart feels like a supernova. The room is caving in on you. This wall you’d built up, a protective shell around your fragile heart, crumbled. The words taste sour on your tongue. “Did…did you mean it…what you said?”

Silence sinks into your bones, shriveling under the weight of your humiliation. You can’t bring yourself to look at Huening. You want to run, hide, jump off the roof, but you're stuck to the mattress; to the darkness of your eyes; to his sharp intakes of air.

“I did.” An angry red flush covers his face and a pillow now covers his lap. His voice and eye contact remain steady, nonetheless.

The room is too small, too hot. You need to crawl out of your skin and cool off, but the words just keep coming.

“S-so…if I wanted to-um-take you up on your offer…”

Your hands fist the sheets fitfully, you can’t meet his eyes beneath the weight of your shame. This is all you have thought about for the past week, and, suddenly living in your fantasy, you feel like a creep.

The touch of soft fingertips brushing over your jaw jolts to your already frayed nerves. He turns your gaze up to his. Something deep and unfamiliar has settled in his eyes; a darkness that bores right down into that depraved nest in your heart.

Somehow, his voice keeps calm, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please-“ You can't finish the word before you’re silenced. Smooth, honey plush lips blanket yours, like something out of a daydream. The first sensation to hit is his taste: mint toothpaste and vanilla chapstick; you have to fight the urge to bite at his lip for more. Your crossed-knees touch, bodies leaning forward to meet in the middle. Your noses knock and bump awkwardly before you settle into a rhythm. He borders an intense line between inexperienced eagerness and hesitant care. Keeping your hands firm at your sides, unsure how to move, he runs his fingers up and over your arms, coaxing them to cradle the nape of his neck. In turn, he does the same.

He unravels you. The rigid rod holding back your shoulders dissipates; fingers curl into the soft, still damp hair at the base of his neck. A sigh pulls at your lips as you lose yourself to this building heat. Slowly, inhibition slips away. You find yourself moving with an unprecedented fervor. Kai leans further into you, tilting your head back to his will, nails scratching deftly at your scalp. A conflicting pain trembles over your skin, swirling with an untapped pleasure until the two are indistinguishable. He pulls a jolting gasp from your chest. The sound which follows, you can only categorize as embarrassing. A strangled sort of noise; something long built-up, catching in your throat and struggling out in a breathy whine. Your face flares up, you wanna disappear as Kai pulls away slightly. Softly, his breath hitches. Creaking open your eyes, you’re met with a sight that almost drags the sound out again.

Kai’s eyes, half-lidded and dark, bore down on you, haloed with pink, heated cheeks. His lips are kiss-bitten red and glossy. A wet dream come true. You tug him back to your lips, a new heat building in the kiss.

You aren’t sure who makes the first move, who bites first, but when his tongue pushes up against yours, you succumb fully to this new feeling filling you up. An unfamiliar greed beats in your chest, a rabid craving for more. More and more sounds mingle between both of you, unabashedly. With every sweet whine of Kai’s, the hunger grows. Your fingers tug at his hair, his press hard into your waist. Air is inconsistent and unnecessary.

“Kai-” Lips keep moving against yours. “More.”

“Can I-”His hands fumble around your waist a bit, mouth still keeping in time. “Your shirt.”

You begin nodding without even thinking about it. Finally, you break from each other. His hands hike your shirt up your chest before you peel the rest off. You move to do the same for him but he’s already ahead of you. His shirt comes up and over his head before being tossed alongside yours. The porcelain skin of his chest lays out before your eyes. Heart beat picking up, you trace each ridge and jut and mole back up to meet his gaze, one just as entranced as you are.

As your lips meet again, they move with much more care. Something deep and unspoken swimming on your lips and stirring up your chest. Fingers drift gently over freckles and goosebumps running up both your sides. Your back melts into the mattress; Huening’s intoxicating touch burning up your brain. His hands glide up and circle your chest softly. Brushing the sensitive, supple skin, more whimpers tumble out. Your hands copy his, nails dragging faintly down his soft stomach. His lips shudder against yours, breathing groans over your tongue. Knees sit on either side of your hips, keeping Kai’s body hovering precariously over you. The tantalizing promise of his weight above you draws your fingers lower. Just a fingertip dipping into the waistband of his sweatpants. The hitch in his breath is slight.

The kiss disconnects once again as you look at each other, drinking in the sight. His hair mused back wildly and eyes blown wide, a million emotions fly between you. Keeping your eyes locked, that curious hand of yours hesitantly slips from its place. Pulling out of Kai’s waistband, it snakes atop the fabric, coming to cup the prominent bulge beneath it. Your heart stutters at the heavy feeling of him in your hand. Kai’s eyes widen infinitesimally. Your curious fingers squeeze softly and you watch as the last bits of his composure crumble. Head dropping into your neck, his moan is guttural and desperate. His hips buck further into your palm and it becomes incredibly apparent just how big he is

“God-y/n, please…” The desperation with which he speaks your name, the whine and groan and guttural need pouring from his throat, finally breaks you.

For a moment, the only thought running through your head is how quickly you can get his sweatpants off. He seems to be thinking the same as his fingers pluck at your own waistband. However, as you’re about to give in, something stops you.

“Kai…” Embarrassment floods your face, “Do you…have a condom?”

His eyes widen, jaw dropping softly. A subtle red paints his cheeks as he slowly crawls off your body.

He awkwardly shuffles over to his bag on the floor before pulling out a small box of condoms. “I-I wasn’t, like, planning on using them. Or anything…Yeonjun-hyung put them in my bag…”

“Well, thank god for Yeonjun, I guess.”

Laughter eases the embarrassed tension as he rips open the packaging. Although he hesitates to take out the latex. You eye the clothes still covering both your bottom halves.

“I-I can…take mine off first. If you want?”

He matches your gaze, moving back towards the bed, “Are you-Do you want this? Like, 100%?”

“Yes.” Your head nods before you can even think about it, “Yeah, I-I do. Do you?”

“Yes.”

Leaning up, your lips meet his in a soft, sweet kiss. You slowly take his hand in yours and move it back down to your hip, to the bare skin beneath your waistband. Then, you tug your shorts down with his fingers. Finally, fully unclothed, you muscle through the timidity to open your eyes. The pure reverence in his face nearly calms your beating heart.

“Kai, please. Touch me.”

Huening makes quick work of his own bottoms. They pool at his ankles though your eyes are glued to the way his cock smacks against his stomach. He rolls the smooth latex down his skin and your eyes follow with a shiver. Even with little-to-no frame of reference, you’re all too aware that he’s big. Standing at the edge of the bed, towering over you, he is just as entranced with you as you are with him. Any room for embarrassment melts away into an unrelenting need.

You yank him back and his lips messily onto yours; tongues mingling and meshing. His fingers wisp up your bare thighs, sparking a lingering electricity. Your mouth lands on his neck with kisses and kitten licks. The breathy groan you pull from him with a soft bite sounds like heaven. Hands move further toward the inside of your thighs, brushing over your core. He fumbles for a moment before you reach to take his hand in yours. Awkwardly, you guide two slender fingers up to your clit, starting them in a circle motion. Your back arches into the feeling, head sinking into the pillows. Huening watches your reactions diligently, slowly gaining more confidence in his movements. The fingers slip away from the nub as one of them trails down to cautiously push into you. It takes a moment for the odd stretch to settle and melt into pleasure, but as your hips buck into his hand, Kai takes the hint. He uses his thumb to keep circling your clit while experimentally curling two fingers against your walls. This foreign pleasure is overwhelming and not enough.

“I-is this okay?”

Your voice feels stuck so you nod enthusiastically, eyes screwed tight. Fingernails dig into Kai’s scalp as you frantically pull him back to your lips. You work your tongue over his lips and onto his. Running your teeth down his jaw into the juncture of his neck, you litter the skin with soft bites. Lost in the pleasure, your movements feel crazed; desperate. That ever-looming climax is so close yet so far. You need it, like oxygen.

“Need more. Need you, please-please, Hyuka-”

Emptiness only fuels your desperation. Kai’s hips shift squarely over yours as his hand moves up between your bodies. His hard cock brushes your oversensitive thighs; the fog in your mind thickens. In the haze, you take Huening’s, now messy, hand into your mouth, licking over the fingers and tasting yourself on them. They tickle at the back of your throat, freeing a pleased hum.

Kai’s poor cock twitches against your leg and his chest stutters as you keep two lidded eyes on his. The fingers slip from your lips with a slight pop. His agape mouth falls onto yours, devouring your taste on your own tongue. That spit-slick hand guides his weeping tip down through your folds. It catches on your clit and teases your entrance. A gasp breaks your mouths apart. Kai’s fluttering breaths paint your cheeks.

“I-I’m gonna…can I…?”

“Hyuka, just fuck me. Please.”

“Oh-okay-uh, tell-tell me when to move.”

With a deep breath, his hips begin pushing into yours. The stretch sets in; a fire rippling between your legs. Like being ripped apart while still getting stitched back together. A contradicting pain, spreading slowly with Kai’s hesitation. He breathes sickly sweet whimpers into your ears and cradles your hands with his. They mingle in the sheets; an echo of heaven. It’s nearly enough to distract you from the pain as he bottoms out.

“F-fu-shit-ah…you-you’re so…” His forehead hits your shoulder, punctuated with fluttering kisses. “…amazing.”

Pain subsides steadily in a flurry of sensations. The excruciating stretch melting into numbing pleasure. Kai’s touch and affection; everything about him surrounding you everywhere. His heat pressed into your skin, his breath mixed with yours, your hearts beating in tandem as you join completely. You are full of him, of love for him, of need for him. Like you’ve pushed all the air out of your body to make more room for him. Every part of you yearns for everything he has to give.

“Kai-god-” You gasp out. “Y-you can move.”

Shakily, he draws his hips back. You feel every ridge and vein run along inside you. And when he pushes back in, your chests shudder in unison; moans and groans filling the hotel room. He continues slowly; falling into overwhelming pleasure. It muddles your thoughts and weighs down your tongue. And—when Kai’s sloppy thrusts settle into an eager, consistent pace—it numbs your mind in ecstasy.

The room devolves into heady grunts and sharp whines echoing in your ears. A mantra of his name builds—a plead, an oath, a prayer—spilling from your heart, coating your lips. Huening answers the call, swallowing your desperation with his own. You lose yourselves in each other. In the heat of your skin and lips meeting recklessly again and again. You need him closer, deeper; filling up your lungs and pumping through your veins. He wants more. Fingerprints and hickeys litter their way down your body at his discretion. His teeth sink in your shoulder, your nails scratch down his back. It’s instinctual and awkward, yet perfect.

The whirlwind in your stomach grows stronger, closer and closer to imploding. You felt yourself teetering, standing on the edge of an unfamiliar precipice. With his breath and pace picking up, it seemed Kai was right there as well. His hand detached from its bruising placement on your hip. Moving his thumb over your clit in deft circles, an extra jolt of pleasure arcs up your spine.

“K-kai, there-please, please, please.” His name tumbles out in whimpers, as does to yours from his lips.

“F-fuck-close-I’m-” A shudder runs through his body, his pace becoming sloppy and erratic. His finger keeps tight to your clit. Your lips clash as the bubble between you pops.

White explodes behind your eyelids. Mind-numbing pleasure fills your every limb. You’re floating on bliss like you’ve never experienced and everything else falls away. Except for Kai. He surrounds you, he fills your lungs and makes you whole. His weak whimpers and moans trail off in your ears like the sounds of heaven. His hips keep moving, stopping jerkily as pleasure seeps into overstimulation. Kai’s arms buckle trying to keep his full body weight off you. He rolls off of you, landing on his back.

Silence fills the air in the aftermath. You exchange heavy breaths, staring off at the ceiling. As the high slowly fades, so does the fog in your head. Realization settles sharp in your bones. Dread and elation stir in your stomach, brewing a dangerous cocktail of words.

“I like you.”

Huening sits up a little, “Huh?”

“I…god, I’m so sorry-” You pull yourself up and look back down at the man, turning the words over in your head until they spill out. “Kai, I really really like you…I have for the past 4 years! And I know this is probably a horrible time to be saying this, but I just…I don’t want this to ruin us or-or the group and I-”

“Y/n! Y/n…” He pulls your hands into his. A bright smile splits his cheeks, shining on your face. “I really like you too.”

Air collapses in your chest, soft and scared. “…R-really?”

His eyes shine and melt into raspberry cheeks with an eager nod. “I didn't mean for it to come out like this, but…”

“Maybe you should get tipsy more often.” Both of you spill over with giddy giggles. A brand new kind of ecstasy fills up your chest, beating in time with Kai’s heart.

“Maybe…”

Your heartbeat speeds, building with each passing second as you look at Huening. Sweet chocolate eyes you could drink in, overindulge, and just never stop. And they look right back at you with the same adoration that’s pumping through your veins.

“I’ll, uh, go get a towel so we can clean up.” Kai shifts off bed, disappearing into the bathroom to discard the condom. He returns with a warm towel, as promised, and begins to gently wipe up your thighs, staying cautious around your still-sensitive folds. The heat soothes some of the worse marks littering your skin, combined with Kai’s delicate kisses over them.

After he works his way up, he ends with your lips. You move in harmony, swapping sweet giggly pecks, fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces. The way his hands cradle your cheeks—all encompassing, trapping their heat—feels like home. Neither of you can contain the joy flooding your faces with huge smiles. They remain even as he pulls away.

“Can we still finish that movie?”

“Sure, hyuka.”

Peace fills the space between you. Love wrapping around and around, building and keeping you safe in its embrace. The world melts away leaving only this room, this moment, the breaths shared between you, the heat of your bare skin melding into his. Curling together beneath the sheets, you bask in it; this revelation of reciprocated love. For a moment, nothing exists beyond you and Kai among the Manhattan skyline.

#txt smut #txt x reader #txt imagines #huening kai x reader #huening kai smut #kpop smut #cw smut #hueningkai smut #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai imagines #hueningkai fanfic #txt fanfic #kpop fanfic #tomorrow x together #text — 🐱#hueningkai

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writingmochi · 24 days ago

Text

cast: soobin ✗ fem.reader (ft. odd eye circle)

synopsis: as you stood on the crowded train while making eye contact with the boy from the neighboring school, light shines into the dim train car as it becomes empty and filled with sand. approaching you is a humanoid figure, who calls you the king and queen of viliya—the island kingdom that is plagued with nightmares that haunt its people which you and the boy are also not immune to

genre: two lost souls find comfort, silent lovers, magical realism, meet ugly, hurt/comfort, adventure, thriller, coming of age, romance, high school au, late 2010s au, angst, fluff, mature content (phobias, trauma, war, explicit smut)

inspired by: music my bloody valentine's "i only said" (1991), txt's 2019-2020 star seekers music videos ("nap of the star", "magic island", "eternally"), and movies bridge to terabithia (2007) and tigers are not afraid (2017)

word count: 28472 (28.4k)

warning(s): numerous traumas and phobias, war imagery (refugees, weapons, etc), bruises, scars, and blood, suicide and suicide attempt, parental abuse (physical and mental), minor character deaths, parental neglect, sex addiction and its impact on a child, sharp object(s) drug consumption (cigarette, soobin's character is addicted to nicotine) and more mentioned, mention of self-harming, mention of bullying, explicit smut, lost of virginities (m&f), hand job (m&f receiving), oral (m&f receiving), marking, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, creampie (if there is something that i forgot, let me know!)

message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

hello! it's been nearly a year since i've posted the visualizer and people seemed to dig it. having much more time of my hands, i decide to pick up the pace for this fic to skim my wips, especially those that i have released teasers to~ if you will be reading this, thank you for giving it a chance and hope you enjoy it!

playlist | visualizer part of the loveless anthology | an entry for discovery: 400 and solstice: a comeback story

everything around you is either orange or black.

a hand reaches up and is placed gently on the side of your head, brushing against the throbbing sense as you tilt back to breathe in such suffocating air. the dark scenery lights up as more of the orange comes into sight. that’s when you hear it. voices. fearful voices.

the blurriness went away in an instant as you looked at your surroundings covered only in shadows and silhouettes. screams combined with crashes as you watch humanoid figures running around you. tall dark buildings enveloping from the sides as you noted how their corners are torn away—leaving behind leftover bricks that are awaiting gravity to pull it down and join with the rubble. your body trembles as you view the haunting scene masked in the darkness where the orange decorates the sky alongside a purple-ish hue coming from the silhouettes.

that’s when you feel something cold trailing down your cheek. the side where you put your hand previously.

as the orange light illuminates you, you raise both hands to find the palms covered in darkness. a dark, gooey substance that makes you want to gag as your vision gazes back to the silhouettes. only to be met with their rigid lines becoming more blurry, more wavey. paralleling the outline of the substance on your hands.

your jaw unhinges, yet no voice comes out.

the sound of the announcement startles you as you turn your head to find yourself in the underground station you are standing in. breath ragged as you push your body from the thick column you were leaning against, your heartbeat still going at a fast pace as your breathing calms it down.

looking down at your palms, you find nothing on them except the sticky sweat coming from their pores—making you hastily rub them against your uniform skirt to dry them before straightening the rest of your clothing pieces; your school’s plain navy vest that has its logo and the pin with your name on it. you also repair the black arm sleeves covering both of your forearms as you pick up the rumbling sound of the train coming in on the other side of the glass barriers: finding yourself in the dark reflection before you stand behind the people waiting in line to get in.

tugging your wired earphone buds into both of your ears from your skirt pocket, the train cars stop in front of their assigned doors as they open simultaneously. your eyes glance at the gap between the platform and the train car as you step across it before settling at your usual place by the door of the opposite side where it won’t open. your nimble fingers quickly open the music application as you turn on the playlist you usually listen to when you commute. you find yourself in the reflection of the glass window of the door you stood in front of, seeing your frazzled self as you notice the signature of your dark under-eye area in a half-circle shape. when you hear the train door close and sense the force of the train pushing you along the track, you take a long breath as you put another pin on the daydream that you have envisioned in your memory.

the music chugs along with the train as you ride under the district of gangnam in seoul metro’s line 7; the usual olive green color you encounter every time you commute to and from school from station number 731. your train is filled with mostly working commuters as gangnam is where many businesses reside. schools also litter around the district in the different neighborhoods where you see a few students as young as elementary schoolers to people your age in high school commuting. you didn’t expect to actually feel melancholic about it, but it is expected when this is the last semester you’ll be riding this line before you graduate later this year. but, you also feel melancholic for another thing other than the train ride—that’s why, as you pick up the train wheel screeching from beneath you, you turn around and face the door across that will be open in station 730.

people came into and went out from the train as you looked at the blinking light of the station name above the door, seeing the other unlit dots of your journey with this line as you’ll see them lit up soon. you felt your backpack rest beside the thin glass wall that protects the people sitting from the people standing by the door as you felt the rush of the autumn wind getting sucked up with the door closing. as the train continues its journey, you shift your head to the side, finding the sight that you’ve waited every time you ride this line in this particular time.

on the other side from where you at, across the long line of seats where people rested, stand a few people who got in from the other doors available in this train car. there amongst the crowd stands a tall boy who is dressed in a similar outfit to yours. the autumn uniform’s vest is a light grey color instead—representing his high school. a neighbor of your own school, since it is only blocks away.

ever since you’ve ridden this train car in your 2nd year of high school, you always come across him. every time you ride on the train as you commute to school, you always find him in that very spot as the train comes to pick you up. and you always watch him step out at station 730, tugging onto his backpack as he heads to his classes and leaving you to ride one more stop so you can go to yours. yet, you realized that this was not a one-sided interaction when you caught onto him looking your way. well, looking at you as you catch his eyes following yours while you move to stand nearer to the door of your stop.

yet, neither of you has approached each other. the stretch of seats between both of you and the people sitting on them or standing in the narrow lane separating them becoming the barrier between you two.

you rarely have crushes. but you consider him as one. every time you look at him, you can feel warmth and calmness spreading across your body; making you seem slightly better before facing the other tribulations of life. your lips protruding into a small pout as you see him wearing his headphones, head nodding along with the music he heard when you catch small shadows on his cheeks—dimples as you presumed—before he glances his eyes at you as you let the music entering your ears also entertaining your day; giving you even a small smile, acknowledging your existence. sometimes you stand in the lane where the seats at, halfway closer to where he stood as your usual spot is filled. but something seems to still make you stand apart as you observe his side of the train covered with a crowd.

the realization hits you. that he is something to be admired from afar, to lighten up your day before darkness finds a way to cover it up again.

the train stops as you watch him gently putting on the headphones that were hanging around his neck, pivoting as you lean your head back to find the station where you arrived lit up with a bright red dot. station 729: cheongdam. then, you sense it. your breath hitches and your senses heightened as you can feel your blood rushing in your blood vessels. eyes blinking as you can already sense presence all over you. looming inside and even outside of the train car. when the door closes, the thumb that was caressing your fingertips stops and you balled your hand into a fist. head now straight and mighty as you follow the train’s journey progressing to the part of the line that always haunts you more and more.

you always experience something weird when the train is nearing the cheongdam bridge. it is as if your senses are being attacked in a sweep when goosebumps form in a wave before it calms down. then it starts again as the train approaches the outdoor part of its journey to cross the body of water. the lights inside flicker as you look outside to view the han river from under the bridge, yet sometimes, it’s not a river, but a beach.

the sky is the clear turquoise blue that reflects the seawater. the view of the river bank turns into sand that’s lining the barrier of land and sea. you could sometimes hear crashing waves from it even if you only see the setting sky as it changes from day to night. though now, that turquoise sky is getting darker and darker, even darker than the sunset you usually find when you cross on the hanging tracks from the cheongdam bridge to ttukseom park.

then you see it: the visions.

quick time-lapse of the neon streetlights, crumbling buildings crashing down as their support couldn’t hold on, humanoid beings who can fly as they attacked something dark. only the color orange highlights everything before you see flickers of a woman with long platinum blonde locks and white dress, calling out your name as your eyes are trying to focus on her heterochromia ones.

you’ve always held onto the nearest surface as you glance at the dots turning red between cheongdam and ttukseom park stations, breathing in and out as you felt your palm getting sweatier when you felt the whole compartment seemed to shake more and more as you approached the bridge and let the light from outside coming in. recently, the shakiness is getting rougher and the vision more frequent. but you’ve always tried to comfort yourself and look at the boy across from you if he is okay.

because it seems like you’re not the only one noticing all the things you’ve experienced, especially when you see him mumbling whilst staring at the red dots lighting up on top of the door when the train approaches the bridge.

with your eyes widened with the realization, the train car rattles as you nearly fall. hands up and legs placed wide as you don’t want to fall and nudge someone, you stumble forward as you reach for the handle hanging from the ceiling. your vision glances back at the dots lining the top of the car door. the train on its journey away from cheongdam station clearly with three red dots lighting up. it returns to the boy as you catch him staring at you, eyes communicating with each other with something more to it. the usual shy glances were gone as you stayed in eye contact with him, saying to him ‘yes, i do feel what you felt’.

the light on the train flickers as you hear the screeching noise from the train running along the rail, sensing the train car curve following the underground tracks. and yet, your eyes remain on him before glancing to view the progress of the dots. shivers suddenly rise and send chills to your skin as you remind yourself of the specific dot where the train car will emerge out of the tunnel and into the outside area of the line even under the cheongdam bridge. then, you see it. the visions.

it flickers in your eyes and changes as you blink, showing a few frames. the orange view on top and black on the bottom. the silhouette of winged people and other variants running away. falling debris of buildings crushing on vehicles. shadow figures stand from the edge of your vision as it approaches you closer and closer. the familiar blonde-haired girl showing up in front of you, blinking in and out of existence as you have a close of her different colored eyes. shaking your head, you turn to look at the dots, the red light getting closer to the specific one as the train car shakes around you, yet none of the people seems to be bothered as you only see the boy standing across from you reacting to it discreetly.

he also gazes at the dots as you watch him mumble words you couldn’t decipher. the sound of music you are listening to also glitches out in your ears, making them allowing you to listen to the environmental noises that it makes. the boy catches your eyes staring at him, eyebrows furrowed as he also has the same. yet, he nods his head, only to you. only for you to understand. the train is ever so close to the opening as you hear strange sounds that you shouldn’t hear. the calls of your name, the sound of the waves, the sound of cries. and your eyes remain on his as they also perturbed him. but he continues to nod his head until he closes his eyes, soothing himself as he focuses on the sound he listens to from his headphones. you follow alongside him, focusing on the music entering your eyes that seemed to cut off as the car trembles. your grip on the handle tightens as you stand your ground, spreading your weight so you don’t fling as easily.

from your closed eyelids, you see it. the light level rising as a gush of wind hits you. your hands gripping onto the handle and your backpack strap tight so you don’t fall. the rubber exterior of your wired earphones flapping against your cheek and jaw as the light enters, nearly blinding you. your hair flails around from the quick airflow as you hold on for your dear life for survival. to find yourself arriving at the next station safe and sound. to see the boy with your very eyes once again.

then you smell it. the salt in the air. even sharper than before. the sound of the train moving comes crashing with the wave noise that arrives on the land, even overcoming it. the wind blows yet it doesn’t come the way the train is going, which is northward. it enters and caresses you gently from the sides where the windows are. when you try to balance yourself, you instead felt the ground uneven and one of your feet being sucked by gravity.

something is different.

with courage and curiosity, you open your eyes. the strong sunlight emitting into the car hits you, making you bow your head, examining the gray-colored floor now filled with creme colors and your feet sunken into it. sand.

the sound of seagulls catches your attention as you glance outside of the window, finding a shoreline on the other side. the foam created from the moving wave meeting the sand as its sizzling sound makes your ticklish. looking upwards, the red dots are off alongside the open doors on both sides of the cart. you didn’t realize you were still holding onto the hanging handle until you look straight forward from where you are, finding the boy in the same pose as you; expressing the thought you are currently experiencing.

loosening the grip, you turn to see your palm and find a distinct long rectangle marked on it from the handle, sensing the blood rushing to put back the oxygen you held back from grabbing it too tight. you remain standing there, hearing your music still playing in your ears, even with one earbud off. and your sight remains on him, not wanting to let go. so, you step first. and he follows.

one step at a time, you gaze at the created footsteps from your sneakers’ soles on the sand. the boy was looking at his palm whilst walking towards you. there, in the middle between two lines of seats across from each other, you and he finally stand before each other. your breath is haggard as you focus on your drumming heartbeat, gazing at him who stands before you. jaw lower as you calm your inhales, you pick up another set of footsteps before you even say “hi.”

with both of your heads turn towards the same direction, you notice an approaching figure coming towards the train car. they wear a flowy white dress as the sun reflects on the light hair color, blonde. they approach the car fast whilst having a brown-hued backpack on their back, the soft footsteps getting hard as she steps onto the sand-covered floor. the long flowy blonde hair frames her face as she controls her breath. while she’s doing that, you gaze at her hair and see how her earlobe pokes through the long hair strands. an elven type of ear that you’ve seen illustrations of before. yet, when she lifts her head, both you and the boy gasp together.

there, as she brushes her cheek from specks of sand, is a face you’ve often seen. the long blonde hair and the heterochromia eyes. an odd blue eye.

“thank caelum.” she lets out a gasp before she pauses, a wide smile threatening to show up even with the smile that she has. and she bows down half her body.

“your majesties.”

your majesty?

turning your head, you catch the boy’s face looking at you, catching each other speaking the same thing at the same time.

“yes, king soobin and queen (y/n)...” she mentioned your name as you glanced back at him, looking down to his pin name tag on his vest, reading “choi soobin” before moving your eyes upward to his eyes to find his eyeline on your own name tag, confirming your name to him too.

the blonde girl clears her throat before continuing to speak. “you’ve been slipping in and out of this part of the beach. when i heard a horn and something heavy crashing by the beach, i knew that it was going to be the two of you.”

“how do you know us?” the voice startles you as you return your eyeline to the boy, his voice much deeper than you realized from his face when asking. with the number of things you wanted to learn about him, you’ve always wondered about his voice. and you can feel butterflies flying around in your stomach because of it.

“well...” she steps closer to where you at, “both of you were originally from here. but then, you had to leave and trust us to keep viliya in order. the prophecies, tales, and legends were told in the past 200 years of when both of you will be back, that the people will witness the return of the true leaders of viliya come back in their corporeal form. as you both have only appeared in soul and voice to us.”

“wait...” you sounded, nearly cutting her voice yet she finished hers faster. hearing the way she described how you interacted before—other than seeing a blinking vision of her—reminds you of the many images that are ingrained in your mind. sure, the visions are enough, but this is where it differs. because you have also seen her in your dreams.

the sight of a lush forest in the background of a bustling town where people mostly walk with a few cars moving around. its architectural design looks similar to your usual neighborhood block but with the intricacies of something gothic. the sight of the orange-colored view comes back as the blurriness becomes clearer. you remember looking around the familiar plaza with strung decorations hanging above you. people crowding around you as their silhouettes shaped them in varieties you don’t see in “regular” humans, and you remember turning your head to the side, finding the boy you’ve always seen in the train car looking back at you in a long-sleeved white shirt: opening his palm for you to grasp. and you did.

“the dreams?” he, soobin, takes the word out of your mouth as you return your gaze back at him, finding his eyes looking around as he also seems to remember something. something he has experienced like you also did. shifting back to the elven girl, she gives a stern nod as your suspicions are answered instantly.

your breath hitches, shivers creating goosebumps as it runs all over your body, taking in that the most magical thing you’ve experienced in your life was in fact something of a reality. yet doubt comes back in as you say, “start from the beginning.” your eyes are now fixed on the blonde, “please...”

she gives a small smile and starts.

“my name is jinsoul. i am one of the three keepers of the kingdom trusted by you to take care of this island in your absence. i worked on most of the exterior administration stuff, deals, conflicts, and more. we, viliyans, are... you can see for yourselves.” she pointed the peeking part of her elven ear between the hairs. “though, currently, we are not in the best shape to accommodate your arrival, your majesties.”

“shadows...” soobin said whilst also letting out his breath. her—jinsoul’s—blue heterochromia eye is sparkling as she takes in that he and you seem to know what is going on. that is probably why you’ve been having dreamless sleep for the past week but the increasing vision every time you ride between cheongdam and the ttukseom park station. how the warm hue of the sun-shined beach has become darker. how it relates to the vision you’ve seen in that train station. how you notice your own shadow getting bigger than before.

“correct. we...” she sighs, contemplation moving in her eyes before saying something. “we are currently in an ongoing skirmish. well, war, as lip would say, against these shadow beings. they,” jinsoul nipped her lip, “have been wrecking heavy on the buildings-“

“ruins. crumbling.”

your head stood tall as your words entered hers and the boy’s ears, “many of the buildings are in ruin. some even obscured behind the shadows unseeable to the other side. people running around trying to find shelter.”

“with what the caelum has given us upon your arrival, it is genuinely a blessing. the citizens are in despair, losing hope.” her two different irises glance at you both. “to know that their leaders are here with them now could be a turning point for this war.”

something vibrates as you watch floating music note shapes coming out from jinsoul’s side, the red music note getting more prominent as pull out what looks to be a regular stone, but you can hear mumbles coming from it. that is when you pick up coherent voices talking, followed by another set of floating music notes now in purple.

“is it them?” the red voice calls out.

“yes,” jinsoul said, the corner of her lips raised, “it is them.”

“then don’t let them stay there. come to the forest and let them meet us.” red continues with jinsoul replying, noticing how the stone glows blue every time she talks before she tugs the stone away once again, looking back at the two of you. “well, you’ve heard what lip said. follow me, your majesties.”

turning around, she leads the way as you give a glance at soobin. his eyes looking back at you before signaling with his chin, making you follow behind jinsoul as you caught onto the footsteps behind you from him. stepping out of the capsized train car, you see how the end of it gets hit by the incoming wave that comes and goes. scratches adorned its metal body as it saves you from even feeling that scratches themselves while arriving here. pivoting towards the right from where you are walking, you find the footsteps that were coming towards the car as jinsoul treks back with it, arriving in a small opening of an emerald-colored forest.

the trees create a perfect shield against the sky and sun as only a few openings create sunbeams that light the space closest to it. the leaves create a noisy barrier obscuring everything over them. that is until you see the spacious area in between the trunks where vines hang and colorful flowers bloom by bushes. sounds of rustling create a peaceful atmosphere—contrasting the actual situation this very place is living in. every time your foot steps forward, another follows it as you peek behind you, finding the boy following your path as you follow jinsoul’s white dress that looks so bright compared to the greenery. the little branches of the bushes you have to go past tickle your legs as the opening within the biological shield seems to get wider.

then, you hear it. the rustling of the breeze dissipates as you catch more noise: voices.

behind a few glimmers between the leaves, silhouettes of structures stood out. some look sturdier than others as you see their tippy top leaning from the way the wind blows. walking closer, the silhouette becoming richer as jinsoul peels away a draping vine to let you and soobin stand inside a haven.

a large opening lets the skylight into the ground. the tall trees around create space in between to let people live. inside its area stood shelters made from wood but also tents made of cloth hanging between the sticks that made them stand. few wide areas for commune where there is a campfire placed cooking food, another is a place a tad bit wider where people are training for combat—melee and ranged—and the last one is a commune area with a makeshift table holding onto pieces of paper all with some shapes and sizes of darkness on them.

the people around you are beings you’ve only seen in a fantasy story. people with a pair of horns curling on their heads, wings of various sizes adorning their back, spikes protruding from the spine along with tails, fangs, or talons peeking out from their lips. some people are more animal-esque with a hybrid of their ears or beaks to a full-on humanoid version of said animals. a few of them have scales on their skin to full-on gills that marked their neck. some are centaurs to minotaurs. all various combinations of humanoids all being here, now looking towards you and the boy as they realized your presence.

their stares are intimidating, yet jinsoul still gestures for you to walk onto the path opening from where you stand. every time you walk, the beings closest to you stop what they’re doing and bow down in their various styles. soobin, now standing beside you, also looks around as the more of them see you, they also pause their activities to bow down. the graze of wind against your skin creates shivers as you can only give minuscule nods to them, not knowing what to do with this immense greeting that is much more than your 19 years of life have ever experienced. from the youngest to the oldest-looking one, all know what to do; like they know of your arrival.

your eyes glanced at the boy who showed a thin yet dimpled smile; the people seemed to identify what he was saying, rising from their bows to continue what they were doing as he shifted his head to catch your sight. both of you turning to stare forward as the elven girl brought you towards the place where the table stood full of blotches on top of the light-colored paper.

there in front of you stood another blonde girl with the same elven ears peeking out from between her long locks, yet her outfit was such a contrasting sight to jinsoul’s white dress. she is adorned in what looks to be heavy-looking leather armor and dark pants. her boots have long ties wrapped around both her calves with similar-looking gloves from what you notice from the side. the girl turns around with an expectant smile on her face, knowing of your presence before her.

“your majesties,” she says, your eyes focusing on her face and how she blushes on the skin beneath her eyes. yet, your vision was distracted by the sight of the black stains on the front of her outfit, adorning the armor like specks of dirt and seeping into the cloth of her gloves. the black stain you sensed is too familiar with a certain vision you got at the station.

“your majesties. this is lip,” jinsoul introduces, “one of the three keepers of the throne. she works in the defense and security of viliya and our general in the current war efforts.”

“pleasure to meet you.” lip replies, her laid-back response showing the presence she exudes alongside her clothing style. giving a small smile, you instead glance towards the table she is standing beside. from this closer angle, you can make out a much more prominent shape of these blotches of darkness.

they scan for familiarity with things you’ve seen in your life before. these blotches could look like a regular being with its own variations like the ones you see the citizens of this island have. some look much more wildlife-like with numerous bird and dragon shapes. but there is one—well, two—paper that caught your attention.

on the edge of the table where one of lip’s soldiers is working, coloring another of these beings with the dark pigment, lays two pieces of paper that are put next to each other. connecting it is a drawing of a tall humanoid presence. it has a hunched upper back and a thin neck area where its head looks like it is draping with long hair. two uncolored areas on its head make them look like a pair of eyes.

observing it makes your pulse quicker.

you could see the dark room enveloping you in an instant, sitting with your knees folded upright and tucked towards your chest, eyes staring at the other side of the hallway where you find a slither of light spilling out from behind a room, the noise of haunting scream echos even out of the layer of the wall. there the dark humanoid stood, its white eyes piercing into your young self. the memories flicker quick of the many times you’ve seen this being. as a taller shadow standing behind you, through the even little reflective item that you see yourself from, and it stands in your peripheral vision. it stops flickering as you find yourself in the same position, much older yet still a young girl. now, the being is joined by silhouettes as dark as it slumps on the hallway’s floor. the only breathing sound you hear is yours.

you must’ve turned your head so quick as you found the boy stood beside you with his eyebrows scrunched as he looks at the caricature. his eyes moving rapidly before staying a few seconds on one specific of paper before moving away, letting you observe in the same way as you can identify the same circles in various sizes, shaping these blotches with eyes: making them much more alive.

his breath hitches before you feel lip’s hand on your shoulder, giving a light massage as she is the one that has been observing both of you. and both of you react the same way as she settles in the space between the two of you. that’s when you see the familiar purple music note floating upwards with a voice muffled. turning your head, you watch as lip picks up the speaking stone once again as you can finally catch onto the sound from the other side as the music note continues.

“the palace is all clear. we can bring the refugees into its complex.” the voice spoke, recognizing it as someone who seems young and cheerful.

“will do. thank you, choerry. the majesties are also here with us,” blue music note flowing out as it echoes jinsoul’s voice who is standing nearby.

“welcome back, your majesties!” you can imagine how the owner of the voice—choerry as jinsoul calls her—lifts both corners of her lips as she speaks. then you hear the rummage from the other side before continuous apologies are uttered as choerry seems to tell more people about yours and his arrival in this very place. lip chuckles as she tucks the stone before separating both of your spaces.

“well, we have to tell the people that they can refuge at the palace grounds. your palace grounds,” she said before giving a tight-lip smile. you know what she is implying as you nod your head whilst soobin becomes your voice.

“they can definitely refuge there,” he spoke the words that are also formed in your mind.

“thank you, your majesties.” lip does her bow before approaching other people, sharing the news as you watch it being spread. a smile unconsciously growing when you sense how dry your lips seem to be. but seeing your people all motivated to move to a place more comfortable makes you want to be there with them. at least help them pack up their belongings before moving away.

“i believe you should rest for a bit while we pack up to move.” jinsoul answers your predicament in an instant, reading through your facial expression that is portraying such complex thoughts and emotions. yours and soobin’s who stood ajar from you. “especially with what happened and the information that we give you about all of this. here...”

jinsoul held both of your hands in hers respectively as she brought you to a fallen log, jutting with her chin to it as you sat down on it—the boy does the same. the girl goes to the box beside the fallen log as she grabs something from inside it; a refracted surface holding tight in her palm before she stands in front of you both. opening it, two water orbs rest as they move slightly along with her hand that is balancing both of them.

“take a bit of the water orb and it will hydrate you like regular drinking water.”

the boy reaches first, his hand much larger than jinsoul’s as he gently pinched the orb in between his thumb and forefinger. cupping your hand, jinsoul puts the other one on your palm as she turns away, letting you watch her doing the work that you want to do before she tells you the rest.

well, you need to rest for everything that has happened today. the class you were having, the pain you had to endure again, the tiredness of walking and standing in the train and on the platform, to this new happenstance that you found yourself in with the boy that you’ve been secretly admiring. carefully, you nibble on the orb as you feel the bitten part instantly dissolve into water as it travels down your esophagus, wetting your throat that you didn’t realize was also dried up. you tuck on your uniform skirt so it can rest comfortably on your lap, your shoulder feeling much lighter as your backpack rests on the rest of the log you are sitting on.

you let your eyes peek from the corner, seeing the boy has also taken a bite into a water orb as he watches the things happening around the two of you. from a third-person perspective, you and he are just two teens resting beside each other. but from their perspective, you and he are the queen and king that they’ve been believing in who has come back.

blinking away the feeling, you finish the water orb as you lick your bottom lip to heal it from the dryness. the serenity of the lush forest contrasts against the view of tents being torn down and objects being moved, leaving only the sturdy structure behind as people are moving away from the beach you find yourself at.

“we haven’t introduced ourselves.” you caught someone’s voice beside yours, pivoting to find the boy’s cream-colored vest before your eyes lifted from the ground to see his face.

his black hair was in array as the white headphones still rested on his nape. you caught his eyes that is also darting right on you. tugging your arm sleeve, you give a small pouty smile as you can feel your trembling knee touching his from the nervousness. the way the sun lights him makes his skin glow, casting a shadow that makes his nose much pointier, and the gentle shade on his eyelashes. that is when you trail your sight to his cheek area when you find his blushing skin.

your hand lifts before you know it and lightly cup his warm cheek, wanting to pull away yet his head also seemed to reach instantly, cooling his cheek with your palm before you successfully tug it away to your lap.

“i’m (y/n).” you try to not make your lips quiver whilst pointing to the name tag pinned on your uniform vest. yet, you seemed to be so hyperaware as you still sensed his knee touching yours. that is when something envelops your cool hand, making you let out such a silent hiss as the boy across from you is also catching on to things that are culminating into your first true meeting with him. the boy who stood across from you in the train, only glancing at each other yet it creates such a huge emotion in yourself that you’ve never felt in a long time.

“soobin,” he replied, following you by leaning one side of his body so you could read his name clearly. his hand still gently rests on top of yours when you can sense his pulse pumping in a quick yet steady rhythm.

“metro line 7,” you mumbled and felt his thumb caressing the back of your hand.

“cheongdam and ttukseom park,” he said, threatening to smile as you held it down when your mind kicked in. and as a reply, you slowly flipped your hand as his palm rested on top of yours, gently locking your finger between his as he does the same.

“do you also see them?” your eyes flick upwards to be in contact with his, “the vision when you daydream or dream at night? the vision when our train rides to the bridge when we go back home?”

“yes” you don’t hesitate to answer, nodding to emphasize it more as you lick your lips to continue, “i see you there too.”

“i also see you. there’s one with this orange light all around us, yet the view of the things surrounding us are-“

“blurry.” you complete his sentence. “blurry that it seemed to resemble a shield of some sort.”

“exactly.” soobin replied, his curled fingers curled between yours holding so tight that it made you adapt to his pulse.

“to be a, a monarch is something i didn’t expect from this.” your chuckle is echoed by his as you find a hint of dimples on his cheek as he nods. something you wish you could notice quicker if you want to stand closer in the train covered by people also on their way home after doing their activities for the day.

“yet, it all seems to be true. and they could confirm that it was us too. i’ve seen jinsoul multiple times than i’ve ever expected.” he finishes his thought and you answer by nodding. you let out your breath openly, calming your expression as your fingers twitch from the nerve of holding soobin’s hand—or him holding yours.

“i don’t see a way for us to do other than believing them. being thrust into this position...” you sigh, now realizing just how suffocating the many expectations all of this is, especially with what you have faced in life outside this. and how you can't see a way to get back home in the near future.

“i, i’ll be here with you. i know how you feel.” his voice pierces through your clouded thoughts like a beam of light. his eyes rapidly move as he takes in every information. “and i think we should ask more questions about all of this when we meet all three of the keepers or whatever they call each other.”

you gulped before a small smile quickly shows from his relaxed face while ending part of the sentence. following you, he also shows a small smile that decorates his facial features beautifully. that’s when you lifted your eyes to finally notice the dark presence behind soobin.

the very shadowy being you’ve seen drawn on the paper.

its head is at the tippy top of the body, looking like a pillar that you have to tilt your head backward so much to find its eyes. some part of the shadow that seemed to resemble a dangling set of hair also blows along even with the little breeze. unconsciously, your grip on his hand tightened and curled even further. blinking your eyes and shaking your head seemed to work as you find the shadow gone for this time—you recognize that this spiritual fellow might not leave you at all just like when you see it for the first time back when you were 6.

shaking away from the influence, you stare back at soobin, who also has his eyes looking elsewhere from you and the environment surrounding both of you. his hold competes with your grip as you recognize he might also see another shadow figure. well, the shadow that is behind you.

“hey... hey...” you speak, at least helping him to stay grounded as he blinks quickly before facing you and that’s when you felt a seemingly hard push on your shoulder, instantly relieved as he caught onto your eye contact. you could also see his eyes glistening from whatever he looked at behind you. and with that, you try to compose yourself. giving a small squeeze to the hand holding soobin’s as he follows your breathing exercise. your mind is now clear from the unnecessary information as you and soobin settle in this very part of the woods. the white noise from rustling leaves clears your mind and increases the overall ambient of what you are doing. staring at each other as you breathe in the same calming rhythm.

“your majesties...” the soft voice of jinsoul’s makes both of your heads turn, noticing that most of the people have disappeared and only staggers remain.

“we could go now. we’ll be bringing you to your home,” her soft smile assures you as you take a long breath before standing up, turning your head towards soobin as only the lingering touch of your fingertips connected you to him.

“well, shall we?” you let out a little smile, watching the way your hand sleeve slides down for a bit because of gravity, touching soobin’s hand with a little caress. and your smile widens as said hand adjusts to wrap with yours as the owner stands up. both of you now following the path heading outside of the forest that greets you and the train that you arrived from.

with what soobin has seen through the orange-filtered and blurry visions of the place he can’t comprehend to actually be in, he didn’t expect such familiar yet intricate shapes in such a fantastic atmosphere.

he walks upon a road made by bricks, buildings standing tall until the maximum of three floors let the wind flow in between them. their design incorporating much of the familiar architectural design that he had watched from some videos on youtube. but the blocks upon blocks full of buildings remind him more of seoul, especially where he goes to school in gangnam. blue-tinted glass walls replaced with a look that combines natural but also regality, but it also has a traditional-looking shape, especially in the usage of wood as frames and floors to the roof that are still made of tiles—unlike most of seoul’s buildings and apartments.

the path he walks on—though partially destroyed—would still be considered clean. no trash other than rock debris or the black puddles are present. the road is wide enough to carry items, as he also came across vehicles that look like carts. but its walkable paths are the main highlight as he came across dirty war-torn parks and a familiar plaza. the plaza where he sees you beside him and you both hold hands.

well, his hand is still connected to yours as you both walk, following jinsoul’s bright blonde hair. your grip with each other so tight that it makes soobin think that his other thoughts about the whole of this may be true. yet, the sight of the town on this very magical island captivated him more. and because of that, he didn’t see the very place that jinsoul is bringing him and you to.

it is evident by the presence of fences that this is supposed to be his palace. its features blend too well that it doesn’t look like what a palace would appear. yet, the existing yards were big enough to be little parks said otherwise.

stepping through the gate full of many people—some wearing outfits similar to lip and are bowing their bodies to both of you—soobin tilts his head as he gazes upon the palace jinsoul said is home for both of you. makeshift barriers created using wood panels and hay bales as the yard is filled with more of what he had seen in the forest. more humanoids with their unique features litter around the ground as they settle down and continue to... live. he heard sounds of children laughing as it sends shivers down his spine, before he felt a sudden grip on his hand, looking back at you who has turned your head to him, a small pout formed with your lips with a little tilt on your head.

“your majesties!”

both you and he face forward as a figure rushing down the steps from the palace door. she also has blonde hair, though not as light as lip and jinsoul, hers has a brunette shine through it. her outfit looks more like similar to the uniforms he and you are wearing than the dress jinsoul is wearing and the armor lip has worn. then, he sees it: the purple heterochromia eye resembling jinsoul’s blue.

the figure curtsies in front of you, her youthful aura exuding that it can make him believe if she introduces herself as younger than both of you. yet, standing beside jinsoul, he can sense the camaraderie between them and maybe also lip.

“this is choerry-“

“i am choerry.” she cuts jinsoul as she stepped forward, pushing her hand towards you who is also staring at her, making you connect your hand with the covered sleeve with hers as you shake it before she changes to soobin. his eyes were still looking at your hand a few seconds longer before her voice cut in again.

“keeper and usually taking care more on the cleaning, construction, and social side. other than these two, who are more serious.” she points her thumb towards jinsoul and also lip, who has now joined you. soobin lets out a small smile as he sees both the other keepers rolling their eyes at choerry who is cleaning her fallen hair, letting him see the distinct pointed ears of the keepers that he had counted for.

“we have cleaned your bedroom and much of the important areas inside the palace, especially with your arrival. my team and i are also planning to help clean up and prepare for the rest of the viliyans to settle here first, until much more of the town is safe from the umbraes.” choerry spoke in a lengthy speech, getting the right note and rhythm like she has prepared for this moment.

“the umbraes?” yet, you catch something that he didn’t.

“ah- yes.” choerry stopped before turning to jinsoul.

“we have to catch both of you up on the situation here in viliya. so, may we go inside to the meeting room, choerry?” the blue-eyed girl asked.

“certainly. follow me,” choerry turned her body around, and he sees jinsoul and lip following her a few steps behind. he sensed a tug on his hand as he followed your moving body up the flight of stairs to the entrance of the palace. his and yours palace as what choerry implied. the door does blend in with the other doors around, but this one is bigger in height and width.

footsteps echo as he is met with a large room that has spots of colors coming from the glass ceilings above. a long hall greets him as he looks at the end of the room and finds what looks to be two similar-looking chairs. dust and debris scatter around the room, yet it still creates a clear path towards the seats at the end of the corridor. a throne room. a throne room for him and you.

his hand felt lighter as he gazed down to find it empty, before he tilted to find you a few steps in front. your head leaning back as you gaze at the light entering from the glass ceiling, squinting your eyes because of it, yet you continue. seeing how the colors decorate your face, soobin can sense the thumping from his heart and his body getting warm.

ever since he looked across from where he stood on the very train and saw you, he had always felt the same thing. and it grows to his cheek, always getting warm as he takes slight glances at you. you with your recognizable uniform and wired earbuds, unlike his bluetooth headphones, tugging the signature black hand sleeves that cover both of your forearms. soobin always notice a tug showing up every time he stepped inside the train to find you, either when you both are departing to gangnam when his eyes are finding you as you stepped inside the train or on the way home where he had already guessed your position on the door across the set of seats from where he is standing.

he also spots that you felt the tremors that he felt every time the train moves after cheongdam station. his tall stature let him hold on to the handle dangling from the bars connected to the car’s ceiling. your eyes glance at the dots above the door, watching the red dot showing up one by one as it gets nearer and nearer to the bridge, before he peeks at the one closest to him. in that moment, soobin detected there is an electricity between you two. that even if you both only share glances, it seems like you are connected by it. and it happens so many times that when he sees your beautiful figure across from him, he can already feel his stress slipping away.

when you mentioned dreams while you figure out what jinsoul said, soobin put the pieces together for the visions he got. every keyword you spoke pulls out the specific vision of what is mentioned. ruined buildings. shadows seeping and obscured sight. but also of a blurry sight with orange ambience. the only clear thing from it is you, in a flowy white blouse, holding hands with him.

“soobin?”

he blinks his eyes as he looks forward to find you turning your body to face him, hands holding onto your school backpack that is also reflected on him. there is a set of doors opened beside the area with the chairs, where he can see the three keepers gazing at both of you. soobin shakes his head and strides towards you, making a smile lift on your face as you walk beside him towards the door where the keepers are.

soobin didn’t expect such a vast catalogue of books to decorate the walls of this room. its ceiling is high as he views the balcony where more bookshelves are before he landed on the circular table at the center of the room. some of the scribbles and black stains he saw on lip’s table are there. beside them, a stack of books and papers that is approached by jinsoul—he can already guess by the vibe that it must be hers.

two chairs are there side by side as choerry brings a moving board with what looks to be notes and lines connecting pieces of information. all are connected to a thick word, written multiple times on top of each other: umbrae.

“welcome, king soobin and queen (y/n), to viliya.” choerry started as jinsoul and lip sat down on their respective chair. putting his backpack down by his legs like in a classroom, he can feel the weight of his shoulders relax as he moves his body and sits down on the cushioned seat. you also sit on the other chair beside him, choerry’s hum can be picked up.

“let’s get to the chase then,” choerry claps her hands, but the loud ring trembles in the room that soobin can perceive the dusts falling down in front of him, making him look up to view the hole in the room's corner, letting the sun ray in brighter than even the lights coming from the windows. the three also look up, and he can hear them grimace in their own ways.

“as we can see from the destruction, we are in a war against these creatures,” choerry pointed with her finger as she highlights the name. “we call them umbraes as they are shadow creatures. from what lip and her team got from observation, umbrae stay in groups where they don’t allow any light to pass through them. some will separate and mold into various familiar and unfamiliar shapes; creating a quick lapse in judgement from people seeing them before they retreat.”

“yet, what they see differs from what others see. all three of us see different images from them, even from the same blob.” jinsoul added, a grit in her voice like she was holding back from not exploding when saying her thoughts.

“even with these lapses of judgement, not all will retreat. some will stay and stand quietly as the umbrae slithers to them and touching them, usually on their arms, before someone saves them.” lip completed the explanation.

soobin looks down at his hands that are on top of the table, rubbing them as he internalizes the information as best as he can. the blob that changes its shape according to the person who sees it. no person can see the exact same thing. the umbrae create a sudden lapse in judgement of people that make them want to retreat, even some staying because of that.

if it is like that, then why does he see the boy that has been with him since he was little here?

the boy wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place. he always stays back at home—well, wherever home is for soobin now that he is always nomadic, moving to grandpa’s house. the boy was always in the hallway, looking back at him as they both held on to a bunny plushie, its appearance distracting him from the disturbing sounds coming from the living room where his mother was. her shadows tangled with other people as soobin grits his teeth, not letting the unpleasant sound of moans and groans bother him anymore. yet, it stays even until the present time.

when he found the boy showing up again in the environment so weird to what soobin used to see, his eyes wavered. your figure was straying to the tables as you observed the papers when he caught onto the familiar silhouette right across from them. and again as you and he sit together. hands holding onto each other as you give words of reassurance. he saw your eyes lifting, gazing above his head as you both compete to out-grip each other. that’s because he was also doing the same thing, gazing at the familiar shadow boy who is sitting on top of your shoulders. its arms settle lightly on your head, that you seemed to not notice, holding onto something akin to a stuffed toy just like soobin usually sees it with. when he flicks his eyes towards you, your touch overcoming his senses: the shadow disappeared instantly.

“then they affect all of us. the images.” soobin stumbles his words as they turn their head towards him. he rubs his fingers with the palms soothingly. “do you have any more information about them?”

“as of right now, this,” lip points towards the board, “is what we summarize. our people are also researching them this very instant, especially if we want to beat them.”

silence covers the room as soobin lets himself think. leadership isn’t a foreign concept to him. having been class president for most of the time, he feels familiarity with it. but the title of king itself is strange. the title itself can be derived that you are a leader so great, people respect you that way. yet, soobin never sensed that before. his mom is always before him in almost everything. her wants and needs. that makes soobin always retreat to his grandpa’s home, conversing with him even until past midnight even if the next day he still has school. the dad of his mom who seems to be the better parent out of the two, yet he still doesn’t want soobin to stay with him all the time,

“your mom is still here. she still wants you to be there.”

does she? does she even think about him that way when all soobin could see is her being tangled in various limbs of foreign men and women all the time with unknown substances entering her body? he is the one taking care of her more than what she supposed to before he travels back into the safe place that is their shared bedroom he could call his cause mom always has a rotating door system where anyone will step in.

“i would,” his thoughts were cut off as he tilted his head, looking at your beautiful side profile that is shone by the light entering the room.

“i would like to ask,” you nibble on your bottom lip, “every being here on viliya has their own abilities, like, all of you,” you extend your open palm to point towards the three blonde woman, “have your own uniqueness. yet, soobin and i,” he caught your eyes as you give a small glance at him with a small, yet nervous smile, “we are just regular human. but we are monarchs?”

all three of the elven girls all staring at each other as you and soobin watch, his eyes looking at choerry who nods her head to jinsoul before going to lip, doing the exact same thing. jinsoul’s look still seems so steady, as if she is pulling out the speech in her mind cabinet of the right words to say. as she knew she would be asked this very question.

“our kingdom of viliya has various humanoid. us with our elf ears. people with wings, horns, animal hybrids, tails, and more. these traits come to all of us, except for both of you. as far as the history of this world, both of you are the only fully human beings we have known. your ancestors are our ancestors that are still pure. even if we have different abilities with our traits, such as the ability to fly or have more strength, humans are much more capable of everything equally. strength, agility, intelligence, charisma, and wisdom.” jinsoul connects both of her hands on the table, the grip is reassuring about everything she just said. “your capability to be anything is the reason both of you are our monarchs.”

is it?

soobin never seemed to feel special as a regular human, nor even feeling special between the humans themselves. his introverted side makes him much more blend in with the walls of his class rather than with a bunch of people. his eyes gazed at the numerous people with their own stories they are living through while he stayed as a spectator. being human, for him, is painful. he hates how he can feel so much being exposed to such vile things where he has to be numb. he doesn’t even know the idea of love between humans when the only one he got exposed to explicitly is with his mother and her various paramours. being human is to acknowledge everything and nothing on the same path, focusing on a path that will just double down on survival.

being in between humanoids while you are a regular human will be weird. what is it to admire when you are alongside people more capable than you are in various ways?

the boy turned his head to glance at you once again, noticing how you remain silent yet with a bit of your eyebrows furrowed—thinking back on the words the keepers had said to your question. his glance turns down towards your hands, one of them rubbing against the sleeve that covered your forearm. your nails are picking through the woven material when he glimpses a shadowy line peeking from the top near your elbow.

being human is focusing on a path that is doubling down on survival. and that is the core of what you then say next.

“if you don’t know many things about them, maybe i can help?”

creaking chair sounds filled the room as the keepers all turned towards you, shifting their position with their colorful eyes widened.

“we can divide jobs. i’ll be outside with lip to observe the umbraes. while soobin here can help with figuring out what to fix and accommodating the refugees. he is the king.”

and you are the queen, he wanted to say. hoping that by saying that, that you’ll be by his side more. you’re an even more of a leader than he is. he doesn’t want to let you go because this is the first time he had ever stood so close to you, unlike the regular occurrences on the train.

yet, when he looks at how you’re steeling yourself; holding onto your opinion, he seemed to agree. many things have happened to him recently, and he needs a break. maybe taking on a more earth-bounding activity is much better than being on the battlefield in his state of mind.

“be careful,” he whispered out when he turned his head towards you. you mirrored him, beautiful trembling eyes staring at him as you let out a small smile. a familiar warmth enveloped his hand that comes from you once again.

“i’ll get back to you.” you brush your thumb against his hand.

still in both of your school attire with a difference of all the items inside your bag are now held by jinsoul; you let lip put things into your backpack as you tug your forearm sleeves back up as soobin watches on with the other two keepers beside him. glancing back at him before stepping out into the town, you give a small yet endearing smile towards him as he shows up with a tinge of melancholy. the rattling of the gate pushes him out of his trance from looking at your retreating figure, then looking at the other two beside him.

“can i, uh, take a short break first?”

“of course, your majesty.” jinsoul spoke as she looked at choerry, who said, “i’ll be giving you the list of things to do when you are ready.”

“thank you,” he replied, making the other two bow their head before retreating inside. soobin lets out a tremendous sigh as he glances upwards at the sky. seeing the star that this island’s planet is orbiting nearly setting, he walked towards the terrace overlooking the courtyard where the viliyans will stay until it is safe enough for some of them to go back to their homes. he pulls the straps of his backpack as he settles down on the steps leading down to the open space, the star crawling down near the line of forest beyond the space and buildings.

opening the zipper of his front pocket, he grabbed onto the two items he had that would always successfully calm him down. the familiar flicking noise enters his ear as he nears the fire towards the end of the cigarette, inhaling the first smoke to let the fire on before he lets go and the fire dies off, satiating his nicotine needs that he had since he was so young.

soobin didn’t have a perfect upbringing, you see. born without a father there, the little baby was already addicted to nicotine as his mom didn’t stop smoking during her pregnancy—having to be treated by the hospital in more weeks when he learned from his grandpa that he was the one being there while his mom got out as fast as she could after the doctor said “yes, you can go now.” even with that happening still, his mom still doesn’t want him to go back to her father and still lets him stay in the house. that’s when he first heard sounds of monsters at night when he wants to go to sleep, a loud screaming similar to his own, yet more exasperated. it haunts him all the time, and he cried himself to sleep most of the time, his mom doing something in the other room.

when he was a bit older, he noticed more and more faces entering and exiting his house. he stood there with his tiny legs as he peeks from behind the doorframe, seeing how the owner of the face he saw today has his body tangled with his mom, her face lets out a look that he had seen from books to be known as surprised with a rhythmic sound coming from them. and he heard it all the time since then, before even learning that what he is seeing is the act of sex. those glimpses of memory are stuck in his mind as he sees his mom more like that than her in clothes, and bringing him to see his grandpa. because of that, he had to bear it for himself. passing by the group of people in his “living” room to the kitchen where he could eat his dinner. learning about that in fifth grade, he didn’t think that topic was taboo, unlike the many boys around him giggling with themselves as they see an illustration of a female body. yet he understands now what he has been seeing since he was so young and what can result from that.

yet he wonders. his mom never got pregnant again.

soobin got introduced to cigarettes when he slipped out of the fifth-grade class to see a bunch of sixth graders, hiding near the back of the school. he smelled a familiar smell from home as he turned to see the older boys staring at him. expecting them to be annoyed and disgusted if soobin decides to snitch on them, one of them approaches him as he offers the burning stick.

“wanna try?”

tasting the substance for the first time was disgusting, he was coughing up the smoke alongside some phlegm that was stuck there. however, the warmth coming from it surges deep down inside, heating up his inner side that has been cold for a long time. his senses become sharper. every caress on his fingertips is something so detailed. so he started doing more. he made a deal with the older boys by doing all of their homework at that time to get one pack of cigarettes filled with 10 sticks. because of that, soobin never chain smokes. he always savoured every cigarette he had ever burned because he didn’t know when he would get another pack. that is until he decided to grab one from his mom’s drawer, and she didn’t notice it vanished.

when he ran away from home, backpack zippers jingling against each other into the setting sky. he arrived at his grandpa's house to knock on his door. 10 times knocking with no answer. getting cold, he sat down on the entrance patio looking towards the quiet street and pulled out the pack and lighter that the older boys gave him before they graduated, thanking him for the time and for helping them even with such a miniscule thing. the smoke covers the clear sky from his sight as he senses the tingling feeling on the back of his throat, a breeze touching his ankle from his middle school pants that are getting too short because of his growing body. soobin closed his eyes, letting the cigarette and nature’s smells combine for him to inhale, not noticing the sound of the rumbling old sedan parking in the car park.

opening his eyes, he sees the familiar grey-headed man from inside the driver’s seat, looking back at him as soobin immediately pulls the stick and crushes it with the sole of his shoe. but his grandpa was just sitting there, a somewhat smirk on his lips as he shook his head.

with a hot, steaming noodle in front of him replacing the cigarette’s warmth, he sat across his grandpa on the dining table who had his own bowl. soobin bit the inside of his cheek. the expectation of his grandpa being angry at him for smoking at 13 was not fulfilled as he does his usual thing when his grandson comes to visit, his eyes communicating to the younger that he seemed to understand why soobin did it in the first place. the same look on the older’s face still visible as they settle to eat dinner, and so, soobin speaks.

“could i stay with you? i don’t think i can’t live with mom anymore when she is like... that...” the boy’s voice getting quieter in the end. hesitance bubbling inside him spontaneously.

“i would like that...” the older’s gritty voice said, “but your mother will search for you and i don’t want to fight her again.”

soobin furrowed his eyebrows, putting the pin on the word “again” for him to ask next. and with that, his grandpa told him anything soobin could know at that time in straightforward words, a complete contrast with his daughter’s more long-winded words with layers of secret hidden in between their spaces. how she wanted to abort the baby, but the doctor said that it would endanger her more. how choi soobin was conceived with one of the random man his mom got it with. how she realized now she has a child. it gave her an advantage when it comes to taxes and costs. how grandpa choi—mom’s father—wanted to get his grandson under his care, yet his daughter decided to do a temper tantrum, threatening to take her own and the little baby boy’s life if her dad continued.

how his mom decided to sterilize herself, not wanting ever to get pregnant again.

the brain inside the boy goes into overdrive as he disassociates himself, staring at him outside of his body, as he thinks of the implications of what has transpired from his mom and his grandpa. his heart aches without a clear reason, the steam of the noodle broth doesn’t help in calming him down anymore, and he looks straight at his grandpa who has a steady face yet creases in between her eyebrows and the familiar shadow of the little boy standing beside his chair.

starting from that day, soobin spends his time outside of his mom’s house. not wanting to hear her moan that is crushing him more, the sight of needles left there as the living room looks more like a crack house. the sight of the different people entering his home every night after his mom finished her restaurant and bar waiting job for nearly a decade now. his head leaning against the wall on the other side of the living room, where his mom is having sex, his eyes and fists closed as he had to hold on for a bit to grab something from the fridge to snack on while he does his homework. every time he is not at school—both morning and evening, he will go home to stay at his grandpa’s house 15 minutes away from his mom’s, taking care of him with his house chores just like the older one is taking care of his grandson by providing him food. grandpa was the one that gave him his wireless headphones, noticing how his grandson likes to experiment with his collections of vinyl discs that have specks of dust on them.

since that day, he started to dream something. flickers of lush greenery standing in harmony beside buildings. silhouettes of people with horns and wings against an intricate wall. the sight of small waves grazing his feet on the sand. a reflection of seeing him older, taller, seemingly wiser in the reflection of a window overlooking such a beautiful town that is unlike the neighborhood he lives in.

grandpa’s house is the closest place for him to go to the seoul metro to school in the contrasting greater gangnam area. soobin doesn’t even want to know his mom get a connection for him to go there. a school so cold, yet he also knows that they produced outstanding students who will do various things to improve his country. if his grandpa didn’t allow him to eat his meals at his home, he would’ve ridden another seoul metro line instead of the olive green he is riding now. he won’t see the visions in the train that seemed to complete more and more of the dreams he had since he was young. he would’ve not seen you, the girl that starts to make his dream make sense when your blurry self becomes clearer.

the skin of his fingers is hotter as soobin lets out another puff of smoke, glancing down at the stick to see it nearly burning the line of the filter between his mouth and the tobacco. soobin gently throws the butt by his shoes, crushing it on the step of the stair until it is flat before he pinches it with his finger and put it on the side of the step near the bushes. he eyes the settlements that are growing as the orange sky mixed with purple as night comes. his first night here in the town he leads and called home a lifetime ago.

“your majesty?”

soobin tilts his head to see choerry looking down at his sitting figure, her eyes flickering between him and the flat cigarette butt on the edge of the step with a tight lip smile.

“some people have started to make dinner. i would like to cordially invite you to join them. you have eaten nothing since you’ve arrived, and we would wait for the queen, lip, and the others to come then.”

the mention of you makes his breath hitch, gulping the heavy smoky taste inside his mouth cavern. he glances forward once again, seeing the familiar sight of the people he saw in the forest now seemingly happier with the larger space. it much resembles more of a scene in a movie he watched, never seen it with his own eyes. soobin’s stomach suddenly grumbles, making choerry chuckle as the boy’s height standing taller when he finally stands up. using his open palm and gestures towards the courtyard for her to lead the way.

many more people bowed at him as he walked by, their various eyes full of sparkles as they took a glimpse of him. he was still in his school uniform and backpack hanging on his shoulders. soobin’s eyes go to an enormous cauldron heated by a bonfire underneath it, the bubbling boiling of what looks to be vegetable soup looks like a delight, reminding him of his grandpa’s love of stews, soups, and broths. a woman with ears and nose that look more like a doe and her fawn curling up behind her, his head on her shoulder, letting him view the approaching king makes him grin.

“look, mother! the king!” the little doe mentions as his giddiness shakes his mother’s body. with steady hands, she grabs a makeshift bowl made from coconut and pours in a ladle full of delicious soup towards soobin.

“i’ll be giving you another scoop, your majesty. it must have been a journey to finally be here,” the woman says as soobin lets out his dimple smile, earning chuckles from people around him at how sweet he looks.

“thank you. and yes, it has been a long journey,” he replies.

his figure glides towards the bigger space where people are scattered around and sitting on the grass to eat and slurp up the soup he holds in his hands. gulping down his saliva, the people he was looking at turned their heads to see their king approaching closer to the seat. jinsoul and choerry following behind him as they reached one long bench similar to those benches he sees in the cafeteria. raising his long leg up to slot on the other side of the bench, the people all were darting towards him as he settled down the bowl on the table.

pouting his lips, soobin can feel the tension growing within him, reminding him of the times he had to publicly speak in front of people for class and performing on stage for a school talent performance that every student must go through. his hands subconsciously rubbed together as he only took brief looks towards the surrounding people—identifying their uniqueness in comparison to him. yet, as the sun sets and night comes, the color also changes. the dark seems to be more purple, popping out the color from every object visible, creating a rainbow full of colors. the colors get brighter, their tints making them have a white outline, especially with white lights of the street lamps, the fires on the candles, torches, and lanterns, and also the white of his uniform buttoned-up shirt.

beautiful is the word that comes to mind when soobin sees this. it has a calming effect that helps soothe his beating heart even for just a bit. then he lets out a huge sigh and places his hands against the wooden table. turning his head to both sides to see the two keepers expecting him, pushing him to do so.

“viliyans,” the demonym seemed to flow easily out of his mouth like he had said it for a long time now. “i’m soobin or as you might know me as the king of this town.” he taps his feet on the ground.

“island town.” jinsoul added beside him.

“island town.” soobin repeats, nodding his head to thank her, “and, well, i am...” he opens his palms and points toward his body. tracing up and down his body. “i don’t look like your typical royal look right now, as i am learning as much about this, where you all have known about this for a long time. and i...” soobin pauses, yet the words itch in his mouth that he has to continue.

“i have to apologize for not being here in a long time. i know you might find me or (y/n), the queen, as these amazing people, even though i know we might not be them. both of us are high school students who are facing adulthood and we... i don’t know where to go next...”

the gaze of him is heavy as he looks in between the people sitting on the benches, the mother and son standing by the cauldron as they are also in a pause to hear him speak.

“but believe me when i say that i will try my best for these war efforts against the shadows.” soobin glances upwards with a sharp fiery look, pining it to the sight of the people. “the move from the forest to even the castle’s courtyard is revolutionary in a why that we are one step nearer to the enemi’s line. the soldiers and keepers are working to figure out how to beat the umbraes.”

soobin takes a peek down, looking at the steamy bowl of soup, before looking up, “i hope that the people of viliya will support us.” then he closed his eyes, bracing for any reaction that could come from his messy speech.

instead, he picked up multiple claps in the dark room. colors start to bloom as it looks like fireworks behind the lid of his eyes when he heard the sound of cheering, creating a cacophony of harmony. the eyelids are open slowly, the color is familiar as he saw this in a dream before. an orange-ish color of the sky with a tinge of vignette. he eyes the people one by one, trailing through the faces before grabbing his bowl. lifting it up, the people followed as they raised their own bowls or cups. the delicious smell makes soobin tilt the container against his lip, letting him swallow the food that warms his stomach. he hears the slurps coming from around him. following him.

their proof of being loyal.

soobin places the bowl down as he grabs his spoon, spinning the vegetables inside the soup to let it seep the tasty broth. his eyes looked at the other table around him. a few of the people were still queuing up to get their meal before he focused back on the gate that led outside of the castle grounds. it opens slightly, allowing a few people in to take refuge. but that’s when he saw the people near the gate move towards it, crowding it as something, some people, goes inside while holding onto each other.

that’s when he saw you, heaving lip’s body up with her arm behind your shoulders.

he stands up and gets out of the seat as fast as he could, making the people around him turn their heads to see what’s happening. the footsteps on the grassy area make him hear his crunchy footsteps. steps are also following behind him as he took a quick glance on both sides to find both choerry and jinsoul striding towards the other two. soobin notices the dark goo even on your black school uniform vest. the keepers walk faster than him, reaching you and lip as they hold on to her. lip look... empty.

numb.

stepping closer, he can finally hear you as you bowed, hands on your knees as you heaved to breathe in. he can’t help but to stand closer, now standing in front of you as he gently reaches out. he had to hold you. he had to comfort you somehow, like you do him.

yet, when you lift your upper body, leaning your head to let him see the entirety of your face, feeling your hand shaking against his, soobin finally just how glassy your eyes are. their outer corners pointing downward with your furrowed eyebrows. a look that he had worn before many times in his life.

“the umbraes... they,” you gulped, “they feed off of fear.”

the night breeze entered through the open window, grazing your skin. yet you stayed there, sitting and looking at the empty wall in front of you. hands gripping onto the soft sheets as you tremble.

the view of vast darkness is imprinted into your mind. remembering every step you put down as you reached the other side of town, saturated colors creeping out from a shadowy, hazy side. your fingers are digging into your palm as you stood beside lip, observing the wall of shadow as the breeze grazes your exposed legs. then, it started.

tendrils started to poke out of the shadow with dots of white on them, landing on the space in front of you as you heard footsteps from the guards that were tasked to keep you safe start to shuffle. the tendrils got cut off from the source as you couldn’t take your eyes off of it. it erects itself as you also see other blobs starting to form as well. shapeshifting into large and small beings.

one depicts a wall of waves incoming, going towards one side of the guards as you turned your head to hear the gasps. moving your body, you look at the rest of the guards getting damp by the slimy texture before surging towards the panicking soldier, cowering on the ground as little tendrils come out of the silhouette and wrap around the soldier’s arm. the horror on their face makes you shiver as you push the blob hard enough for it to scurry into the bigger shadow. the soldier’s eyes were closed as you tried to help them sit up, making the other guards help their mate as you then picked up more screams.

turning your body, you view the harrowing scenery of multiple umbraes approaching each person in different shapes and sizes. one umbrae specific to one person. you keep track of their expressions as the umbrae approaches. depicting wide eyes, flared nostrils, and a sense of flight response you are all too familiar with. a voice penetrates your thoughts as you shift your head once again to where you were standing before, seeing lip being covered by a shadowy blob on her arm as she stood her ground, yet grimacing. approaching as fast as you could, you see the shape of the umbrae as little spiders climbing around her skin.

adrenaline pushes you as you grab the weird texture and throws them on the ground near their shadowy haven. yet, this blob didn’t go back like the other ones. lip was scratching her arms so much that it turned red as you helped to hold her hands. not wanting to make it worse. yet the situation seems to be more dire than ever before. the guards were able to push back, attacking with their weapons as best as they could. but their leader stood behind you, hands gripped tightly on your arm as you turned back to face the wall of darkness, breathing quick because of your pounding heart.

then you see it, the blob transforming right before you into the shadow that haunts you. the figure standing so tall that you have to lean your head back. hair-like tendrils flowing in front of the body as you can see in between them. two white lights at the top making its appearance humanoid, yet you cannot identify what is behind the curtain. you could hear your teeth chatter as it grows bigger before you. specifically for you. yet, you can also hear lip’s whimper from behind you. such a brave girl now cowering and your brain connects the relations to all of it, as it also rattles you.

that they attack by becoming something a certain person is afraid of. that include yours.

you could recognize fear in an instant as it has been on your face in the times so hard that you become numb to it. the exact expression you’ve seen when you look into the towering mirror in your little body. splotches of colors on your arms and legs when you can hear people bickering at the back that rattles along with pots and pans, knowing that you couldn’t do anything because they don’t even think of you seriously. that is when you try to lift your head up high as you see the shadowy figure standing behind you, covering the torn wallpaper with its body, as you could feel a graze of their touch on your back.

even if the umbrae represents fear as it shows up alongside lip’s spiders—which she clarifies she was afraid of—it gives a sense of unease comfort for you. the shadow being has been there, like it is waiting for you, watching along your activities. yet, seeing it still gives a bitter taste in your mouth, especially that sting in your head as flashes of memories of the earliest time you’ve seen it show up. then, it continues as your body also stings, remembering every hit and cut you’ve gotten by the people that have semblance to you. before you see them lifeless as the shadow stood on the other side of the hallway.

you were 13. starting your middle school with a numbness to yourself as the same thing that happened in elementary also happens. one of your teachers nagging you to take your cardigan off because you have to stick to uniformity, sneakily taking it off for a quick moment before your homeroom teacher tells him that you are a sickly child and you are allowed to wear a cardigan; knowing she has done the same and found spots on your arms. your homeroom teacher introduces you to the arm sleeves, saying to you that even if you like wearing the same black cardigan all the time, using it interchangeably will be greater. and it grows until today just as your arms become longer, making you buy a bunch more of arm sleeves that you change weekly. especially when the cause of your spots is not here anymore and it has been replaced by something else, something that elevates the hurt and fear you’ve been facing when you were younger.

the black arm sleeves that cover your forearms are still there, their tightness contrasts the flowy white pajama shirt that choerry gave for you to wear. its color has a tinge of neon to it as jinsoul says about an ultraviolet aspect of the night in villiya as you could see your white school shirt glowing underneath your vest, alongside soobin’s. the moonlight cast through the open ceiling corner of the room, lighting up the space in a glow that creates a dreamy look. your eyes gaze at the spotlight, trailing to the dust floating and highlighted for you to see better.

a soft touch caresses your hand, making you turn your head to the side and take a glimpse of the boy that you’ve always seen across from you. now very close. he hugged you as your body continued to shake, his inner warmth wrapping you like a truly warm blanket, something you don’t recognise. he reaches out towards your side of the bed in the room, a request of yours so that he doesn’t have to sleep on the dusty sofa. soobin wears the same pajama set as you are. he smelled of a combination of a fresh lemon but with a tinge of smoky scent—a familiar scent you’ve heard lingering around the room where your aunt and uncle live.

his reminder makes you move as you let out a huge sigh, lifting your legs as it rests on the soft mattress before tugging them into the comforter, laying your head slowly onto the pillow before looking around the room, finding your school uniform on the sofa alongside the boy’s, creating a symmetry alongside both of your backpacks. looking at the ceiling, the bed ruffles as a tiny breeze hits your hand before being covered by the warmth of both the comforter and soobin. glancing from the corner of your eye, soobin lays down on his side, an arm of his rested in the space between you and him. his head rested on the pillow on one side as he still waits patiently after what you said during dinner. to finish all of that shenanigans before returning to the bedroom where you both can have a talk about this.

“well...” you started, shifting your head to the side to copy soobin. “i piece things up. all the umbraes- they’re...” your eyes cast downwards along the space between yours and his body, “they gather into this gigantic wall of darkness before they come out one by one. a big shape with a dot of white in them before they transformed. it’s, i recognize just by the looks on their faces they are afraid...”

“lip, who was looking so brave when we met her, becomes so... petrified.” you continue after shifting your upper body. your arm lies down underneath your body for a more comfortable position. soobin’s eyes are skittering as it moves all over the place, between your face, your hand, and more. he lets out an understanding hum, and he then questions.

“what did you see?” his eyes instantly widen as he lifts the free hand on the pillow, his facial expression changes to deny and take back what he said, but was stopped as your nearest hand reaches his, connecting your palm with each other as you can sense warmth.

“it’s okay. it is a justified question given we’re in this situation...” another sigh comes out of you after that, a slight moment that allows you to recollect your words to describe the monstrosity that haunts. “i see a figure. like a woman with long hair almost reaching the floor, hunching forward so the hair covers the front of the body. yet...”

you felt the boy’s fingers slide in between yours, giving a gentle grip that soothes you as he heard how your breathing is wavering. “yet, i can see a glimpse of its white dots resembling eyes peeking between the hair strands. but with this one, it is large. larger than i’ve ever seen before when i see on the end of the room or behind me when i look at my own reflection.”

“but you stop it. you successfully flee out of the situation...”

“yet someone got hurt. their face is trauma-inducing that i can’t even imagine feeling it myself. especially with,“ you stopped yourself before you say too much. the boy seemingly did not notice as he continues to calm you, fingers now lock with yours as he uses his thumb to rub soothing patterns on the back of your hand. “yet, i can get rid of the spiders on lip’s arm.”

“you don’t fear spiders?” he asked.

you used to. but when you lived in a house so untidy and unkempt, little critters will live with you. you used to be disgusted by the sight of a spider on the corner of the room, creating their web there to collect other insects to digest and to reproduce. yet, why should you fear spiders who are trying to live their life when you have something more to fear?

“no.” a concise answer comes from you. your eyes view soobin’s face, looking at him as he processes every information you gave in his mind. seeing the boy you had a crush on up close is different. the only smooth edges of his nose bridge when you see from afar now look so pointy and rigid. so real. the unconscious closeness both of you have with each other seems natural. no words needed as you can understand through gestures and expressions. it feels like your body is remembering something, the time when you were with him before. queen of viliya at that time. the connection feels too electric sometimes that it overwhelms you, but it is purely because you find comfort in him—other than being a fellow “normal” human like you are. the warmth you see even when glancing at him is expanding ten to a hundred-fold when you are with him right now, wrapping around your body, protecting you from danger.

the sparkle in soobin’s irises starts to grow, his eyebrows raised as he realized something. the answer and excitement uplift him as he lets out his dimples as he spoke, “if it is fear that they are searching and it is specified for each person, then we have to make the people brave.”

yet doubt comes into you, “could be. but people’s reaction to being afraid is different. i don’t think that forcing them to face tough up and face their fear is a good idea.”

“that’s one side of it, but...” he stops to collect himself, the little droop on his face from your comment is lifted once again, “what if we use something to make them brave other than making them fight their fear. we can maybe empower them by doing something else. distract them of this whole thing and let them have something worth fighting for so they dare to fight back...” soobin comes back with a tangent; pouring his thoughts out, no matter how unorganized it is. but something came into your mind as he said so.

the vision of that yellow-esque blurry background. buildings standing tall beside you as you walk around with soobin beside you, holding onto your hand. pushing yourself to remember, you could see the blurriness becoming more defined. the familiar structure erects around you as a place you’ve been before. the place you walk past to get to the castle grounds from the forest. the empty yet wide space in between the town that you walk on as you, lip, and the others are investigating the umbraes.

“have you dreamt of a vision where you are walking around this huge place where the background was yellow-ish and blurry and-“

“i was on your side? yeah, i’ve seen it too.” you chuckle as he finished your question and answered it right away. “it looks like a gathering of some sort behind that blurriness.”

“we could make that, a gathering of people just being happy and having fun to make them brave. we can do it at the plaza we walked past to go here.” you continued adding more detail of your plan based on soobin’s thought. and by the look on his face, you can see it exuding positivity.

“we definitely could. we have to lift their hopes up. i see so much of them are down and becoming desperate alongside instability,” he remarked.

“we can definitely kick their asses.” your comment makes both of you laughed, pining on top of your head to tell the keepers of your plan. a somewhat childish point of view of looking at it, you noticed. yet, it is a method that seemed so simple yet could be effective in yours as well as soobin’s minds.

the process of creating this gathering is something that the keepers didn’t account for but openly agree to. “the people have been down because of this war. i sure hope that even with the minimal resources, we can make this happen.” jinsoul, representing the rest of the keepers, as both of you give out your ideas to them. after telling them of the assumptions and deductions you and soobin have thought about together, soobin seems to be more at ease as he takes control in the “fighting against fear” aspect of this entire event. while you now work alongside choerry and a few of the viliyans who want to take part as you gaze at the plaza. rubbles and dust are still scattered everywhere as you can see a run-down version of what viliya supposed to look like. hanging signs stand out from the buildings that host them as you can identify what looks like a tram track on the street, its rails embedded within the material to create the busy atmosphere.

you don’t really care that your seemingly new clothes are grimy because of the amount of dust accumulated when you get rid of the rubble with your bare hands. the rocks and bricks you have to remove are so familiar with your touch even with the amount of people that were trying to help you. being independent is something you are used to, especially with the little to no regard to your livelihood at home. you had to manage it all by yourself because, if not, your aunt and uncle would use any valuables to enrich themselves. the brick texture reminds you of the gloomy day as you gaze down at the stone plate that engraves both of your parents’ names. your tense jaw relaxes as you stare at their name before shaping into more of the usual numb expression you have always seen if you think of them. the same numb face that rests on your face all the time since then until you either smile to yourself and for yourself, or when you encounter the boy in the metro.

a large space becomes clear as some viliyans are moving out from the courtyard after soobin gives such a motivational speech to you. his conversation with lip and jinsoul about strategies coming into play right now as he is being as transparent as possible. his honesty of his thoughts and opinions is such a breath of fresh air for you to take in. your hand slowly reaching for his, reassuring him of his speech but also reassuring yourself from what you are feeling, an overwhelming sense of authenticity coming from a background where the people all around you are manipulators in one way or another.

you stare at yourself in the shattered mirror of the room in the castle as you wear a white flared dress that feels too unfamiliar for you. the light from outside coming in lights up the room as you have your hands in front of you, rubbing against each other as you can’t help but to compare yourself to the keepers, especially jinsoul and choerry in their own white dresses. realising just how plain you are. nothing special. you gaze at the black arm sleeves remaining of your original outfit, resting nicely on your skin. lip actually made a custom white arm sleeves that coordinate with your dress. yet, because of its thin material, you cannot wear it as you could see the skin layer beneath it, even if it is pretty obscured. it is the part of you that you are not ready for the world to see, keeping it hidden for nearly 4 years now. maybe that black arm sleeves could be the thing that made you stand out. but why should you? you always like to support more from the back instead of being at the forefront. and with just how “normally human” you look like, you won’t be standing out at all.

subconsciously, you let your vision drop to gaze at the flowy ends of the dress moving around, biting your bottom lip as gently as possible because you didn’t want to break skin. you listen to the sounds from outside, the cheers of excitement coming from the viliyans who are ready there as means to have fun and create a synergy that could, at least, defend the people against umbraes. a shadow approaches your figure, though its color is much more faded. a genuine shadow of someone by your side.

“how are you feeling?” the soft-spoken voice calls to you as you lift your head to glance back in the mirror, finding soobin in a flowy white dress shirt with brown pants. his head tilts so you can see him peeking from behind you. a dimple shows on his cheek as he looks at you, reading you like a book that you can’t push yourself to move away.

“i,” you instantly give up, returning to gaze at the lower part of your body reflected in the mirror. both of your hands are rubbing against each other, and soobin looks at the same reflection. you watch as his hand moves to the front of your figure, soothing down the skin as he grazes the texture of your black arm sleeve, noticing just how thick it feels with the material. thinking about it again, you should’ve actually pushed yourself to put the white arm sleeve on instead. it will be much more cohesive with the rest of your outfit and it will look better with soobin’s too. maybe, you can finally let that patch of skin you covered breathe once again-

“you don’t need to.”

in the reflection, soobin’s hand rested on top of yours that is reaching for the end of the arm sleeve from the inside of your elbow. his fingers intermingled with yours that made you loosen the grip of the material. tilting back, you found soobin’s head resting beside yours on your shoulder. his chin so close to resting on top of the boney foundation of your collar as you caught his eyes, looking downwards at the arms before back to your face.

“you don’t need to remove them. whatever makes you more comfortable.” his reassuring tone lets you let out such a shaky exhale.

“but it wouldn’t match-“

“and so what? it doesn’t have to be matching.” soobin remarked, “everything will be okay, even if you don’t wear matching arm sleeves. the people will still love you. i’ll-“ he paused himself as he then rested his body against you. his body temperature feeling more like a blanket that envelops you. “i’ll still be beside you.”

you nodded your head. your face hardens as it takes shape from your frowning expression. taking a deep breath, you stare back at soobin with a much straighter posture. his hand resting on top of yours on your abdomen. your heartbeat pumping more than ever.

“we have to be brave for them.” your turn to speak as soobin caress gives you the silent agreement.

“they will be.” the boy straightens his body as he allows you to turn around inside his embrace. your arms instantly wrapping around his body as you rested your head on his shoulder.

“thank you.” your muffled voice calls to him as you felt him caressing the back of your body. knocks suddenly come from the door as you pull away.

“are you both ready, your majesties?” you heard the familiar sound of choerry before you looked into soobin’s eyes. his head nods as he signals for you to move first.

the sky is beautiful when you step outside of the palace. the clear blue space has little shades of orange as the sun is setting down as you walk. by the gate, you notice both lip and jinsoul waiting for your arrival. lip still has her outfit together, but with an extra set of a thick vest on her chest. her hands holding onto her speaking stone as she talks to her underlings in the defense force. yet, you still can’t get rid of the petrified expression she has when you get rid of the shadow spider on her arm. as you walk nearer to them, you nod your heads to greet them as soobin stood beside you. your hands are brushing against each other, with jinsoul looking between the two of you.

“doesn’t she look beautiful?” choerry commented, wrapping her arm behind your shoulder, making you appear like friends. you could feel your heart flutter because of it. because you don’t have someone who you can call your friend to do these types of things back in seoul.

“she does.” jinsoul replied, her eyes not looking at your bashful face but at the person beside you, observing him as he stares at you as well.

“well, we don’t want the people to wait. come...” jinsoul gestures with her hand as you all walk past the gate of the castle on the way to the plaza. you had seen little of what the plaza has become, only trusting in choerry’s giddiness to decorate for this impromptu festival. you had watched as she and a few others were bringing out boxes of multiple decorations out of a room in the castle. some looking more botanic than the others. you had only seen blurry images of these decorations from your vision and you can’t wait to see them with your eyes.

approaching the plaza, you could hear the rush and sound of people talking, enjoying this little festival you made in order to entertain them in the danger, to reassure them that happiness can actually battle against the umbrae’s personification of fear. to know that there is a collective who will face all of this war together.

from the nearest crowd of the plaza area, where buildings that host shops and homes were partially destroyed by the war, they all bowed as you walked past. they create a wave as you continue to walk; the sight choking you up as you turn your head to look at soobin, who is also seeing around. the amount of people with their uniqueness, all bowing their heads for both of you. your heartbeat fastens as you capture his hand with yours, feeling his fingers already move to then curl in between yours.

in the middle of the plaza is a destroyed fountain, rubble of its structure pooling in there instead of water. all three of the keepers set aside as you find a little stage beside it, bowing their heads as you both step onto the stage. the crowd that bowed first have gathered closer to the fountain as you stood behind soobin, hands still connected.

“citizen of viliya.” soobin started, your eyes gleaming with adoration as you could see the little rise on the corner of his lips.

“we welcome you to the plaza where we gather to celebrate and entertain ourselves even during the war we are facing. we would like to express our gratitude to the people who contributed to this. the cooking, the games, the music. i know this time is hard for all of us and we aren’t able to fully prepare for this to the fullest. but it is enough for me, and i hope it still will do its job.” soobin spoke like a true king, then turns his head to face you.

“this gathering will not happen without the queen’s idea. so, i would like to invite her to take center stage." he tugs your hand to make you take a few steps to stand beside him. your eyes are fleeting around the crowd as you observe the many variations of people you’ve ever seen.

“uh,” you gulp your saliva, “hello everyone. well, soobin and i got the idea for this gathering after the attack that we had endured a few days ago. i was also scouting with them as we approach the barrier between us and the shadows.” your eyes blink, head lifting to stand tall and straight.

“what i observed is traumatizing to the people who experience and also see it. it’s such a familiar notion soobin and i know about. i conclude that these shadows feed off of our fear. they get stronger when we fear them.” you spoke like how you converse with yourself in your head, calculated and clearly. eyeing the viliyans as much more like-minded people rather than recognizing the position you are in.

“this is the reason we want to gather all of us here. i recognized that you cannot face fear alone and we want to tell the umbraes that we are not alone. we are here together, full of love and care, encouraging us to face each other’s fear and any fears that can tear all of us apart. families, friendships, any types of relationships.” you felt a tug on your hand from soobin’s reassuring grip. his eyes finding yours glowing with a warm smile on his face.

“let’s all have fun and make the umbraes fear us instead. thank you.”

the crowd cheers as you find soobin also lets out a wide grin, bringing you into his grasp as you let out a chuckle full of various emotions. turning your head, you listen as the music continues on. both of you jump down off the stage as you widen your arms wide, taking in the unfamiliar feeling of gratitude and joyfulness that you are scared you might be addicted to. the ends of your dress floating as you playfully twirl with them, letting go just for this moment of the baggage that weighs you down.

your hand grasps inside of soobin’s as he takes you to the area where you can see pots of cooking are standing upright. his eloquent request contrasts the timid soobin you know, creating a much more complete idea of the boy in your head. he hands you the bowl as you say “thank you” and bow your head. the sky is getting much more orange as you both find a seat with a bunch of tweens that looked star-struck when they see you. all of them with their own uniqueness, from deer horns to fluffy bird-like wings.

“you are so cool, your majesties.” one of them says as you sit across from soobin. you share their enthusiasm for the world; how one of them is interested in the pattern of stars shining in the raven sky. soobin and you are not that far in a gap with them in level of maturity, just two teenagers who find themselves on a magic island that can be a playground for both of you if you were just a tad bit younger.

at the end of the row of tables, you see people gathering around before they form into the dance floor. your eyes resting on them as you watch them moving around, even in the most mundane fashion. small taps against your shoulder make you shift your body to meet soobin’s outstretched hand. his chin subtly pointing to the dancing crowd as your smile grew, and you went with him, waving goodbye at the tweens as you looked between your beautiful surroundings and the boy before you.

the music is loud as you see a group of bards playing their instruments in sync, watching the people as they dance the living daylights out in their own fashions. seeing a little space in the crowd, you could hear them cheer as soobin pulled you in. he starts to move his head and arms, wiggling to the beat and melody as it makes you giggle. his movement goes in a pattern that you could mirror and you did, mirroring his movement in front of you and following his lead. your eyes continue to stare at him as he does to you. smiles etched on both of your faces as you can’t help but move forward and hug him tight. his breath brushes against the crook of your neck, resting it behind you as you sway along with the music.

your eyes looked at the orange sky, admiring the atmosphere that is much better than your vision. and yet, you still have doubt inside of you. and when the sky suddenly darkens into a red hue, you know your hunch was correct.

a large silhouette flies and covers the sky, its long body with wide head and expansive middle area, flying along the sky before the once cheer silent and turns into screams. the orange that you see is no longer the sky, but the ball of fire that is going to hit you.

the very vision that you’ve just seen when you waited for your train to arrive

you pushed soobin away, separating you both as he stumbled to the ground and the fire landed where you both were dancing. he is heaving to breathe, pushing himself up off the ground as he looks across the fire to find you. but when he caught onto the numerous people who needed immediate help, he instantly moved to help them to safety by the buildings. soobin looked up to find the shadowy dragon continued to rage the fire against the plaza, destroying more of them as he could also see blobs of shadow slithering on the ground before forming into various things before people. haunting screams bringing him to his own baggage once again. and it reminds him of the sleep talk you say the night before the gathering.

“please don’t burn them. don’t burn viliya again.”

when he looks at you from the reflection of the mirror, he knew you were not in the best mood to face this whole thing. so that’s why he had to get rid of his usual fears and be as nonchalant and confident as ever. the conversation he had with the viliyans makes him see them more as family rather than subjects and that’s how they want to serve them as their king. he had to be your anchor, and he has been so throughout today until this very moment.

the usual anxiety riddles him as he watches more people either run away from the shadows or being taken by them. his feet already move him to a clearing as he watches everything going into shambles. one last turn and his eyes landed on the familiar shadow of the boy—its white eyes staring at him as his heart beats faster. but his mind nudges to somewhere else in the palace of his mind as another fireball flew above him and the one side of the fire dissipates, letting him see someone in a white dress kneeling, cowering their body, and covering their head under the red sky.

“(Y/N)!” soobin yells to you as he surges forward. his eyes landed on your cowering body as he pushed himself to move faster. however, the shadows were faster as they reached you and formed into a humanoid. a flick of its fingers shows a burning fire as it toys with you, pushing the fire closer to your covered face. that’s before soobin catches its attention with a push and a strong snarl, observing it explodes into drops of goo as he reaches for you.

your head slightly lifted when you looked at your hand to see someone grabbing for you. his soothing touch is something you can recognize as you found soobin with the front side of his shirt covered with drops of black liquid. his hand curls around you as you let him pull you up.

soobin rested his arm behind you, dragging you away from the crowd as you stay close to him, feeling your hot tears free falling against him as he has to bring you to safety, because he fears for you being hurt.

the blurriness of your vision slowly dissipates as the overwhelming orange shine piercing your sight is now out of sight. your feet are dragging across the ground. one of your arms is around the body of the familiar boy as he half-carried you back towards the palace. your hooded eyelids are lifted open as you meet several silhouettes protecting themselves, commotion everywhere and even out of your sight as your body continues to move along with the boy’s stride. the imposing gate meets you as he pushes open the gate and brings you towards the foyer and into the palace.

and when you stepped into the closed area of the palace, you could already feel the tears brimming by the corner of your eyes before they fell into freefall.

the thought in your head already won the battle: you caused this.

“i’m sor-sorry,” you mumbled, making soobin turn his head to look at you. the cloudiness in your eyes is now gone as it is replaced with such gigantic eyes instead. but you’ve spoken sorry too many times for his liking. his sight is set on the shared bedroom you sleep in starting from a few days ago. letting the constant murmur of sorry flies back passes him as you walk past the vacant throne room.

when you felt a soft material behind your knees, you rubbed it with your hand before you sat down and looked upon your quivering arms resting on your lap. the black sleeves threatening to fall down as soobin now stands beside you. then, the familiar itchiness starts once again. your thumb pushes against one side of your hand, trailing it down one by one, following the trail of itchiness beneath the dark material as a few firm pushes against them help in remedying the pain. a remedy you always do time and time again.

but now it doesn’t stop. the itchiness doesn’t stop, and you continue mumbling apologies with a few gasps of breath.

the edge of your nails rubbing against the sleeves instead of pressing it, putting more and more pressure as the nails hooked into the grooves in between the woven material. your sight becoming more and more blurry as you can’t stop. if you stop, it will hurt more. the sight of something you don’t want people to think about.

and yet, you could see the face of the boy kneeling down beside your legs. his hand putting a stop to yours, widening the space in between each finger. apologies are still mutter out of you as you blink the tears away, looking down on your lap. that is when you felt your lips pause as a warm touch lands softly on your cheek. eyebrows furrowed and raised when you look towards soobin and his outstretched arm.

his eyes darting all across your figure, the other hand now holds onto your hand as he could see how rough it looks from the scratching.

“i’m sorry…” you say one last time, recollecting the numerous happenings all around you, “it’s all my fault-“

“hey, hey, no. (y/n).” soobin’s voice calms you, holding onto your hand and yet, you still shake your head.

“yeah, it is. we were supposed to be brave for them. but i screw up. i let my fear get to me and it became a disaster.” your hands try to pull away from his grasp. the itchiness from your forearms slowly turning hot. just a look at the top of the sleeves lets you see the sliver of the thing that is hiding.

but, you knew deep down and how soobin is looking at you with care. that even though it was wrong, doubt is a normal thing.

“then, the only thing to overcome that fear is to face it,” you answered yourself loudly as the boy looks at how your expression changes along with how you think. his hand still holds onto your own softly as he sits down beside you. the outfit that he is wearing makes him look bare, especially with him voicing out his worries about the plan the night before. how he had put much of his fear and hope on his sleeves, and yet you failed him.

your hand gently moves instead of the shakiness soobin stopped, letting him pull off his hand as carefully as possible. the fingertips reach one end of the black that is nearly exposed. you looked down at it and took a deep breath. in one sweep, you peel away the black sleeves that have been part of your day-to-day life—soobin’s gasp is enough of a reaction you have expected.

fluttering open the lid of your eyes, you peer at the gnashing straight line scars across your forearm. the memories of the bleeding cutter coming back to you as you look at the multiple lines. the healing skin makes the scar much more visible to your skin tone. your hand doesn’t stop, reaching for the other black sleeve as the skin mirrors the other side. you clenched your hands, seeing the muscles on your wrists react as you can see the crimson liquid trailing down until the end of your fingertip. that is before your aunt found you and stopped it—not wanting to let her anchor go.

all you wanted to do was to join your parents. your forsaken parents that left you behind with more scars than these. but the only thing they left behind is the looming shadow that stood at the end of the hallway and behind you everywhere you go.

“these are my attempts.” you push yourself to speak, facing those very memories you wanted to suppress hiding behind the black sleeves. you return to your child self as you look forward to the shadow across the hallway standing tall, facing you who is sitting with your knees close to your chest.

“my parents were not the best. they, they-“ furrowing your eyebrows, the slice of the memories of yourself hitting the ground flickers by the second, “they hit me. hard. i was still a child then and... they, they’ve done it multiple times and i lost count of it.”

“it was hard living in this household. we...” shaking your head, pushing yourself to not defend them like you always do, “they don’t live in the best conditions. shards of glass all around the floor from thrown bottles. screaming matches that lasted all night long. i- i don’t know if they even love each other to stay married until the end when they...”

your breath heaved, eyes still staring down at the scars when you felt a warm touch from beside you. his hand covers one forearm, making you tilt your head as you find soobin’s sparkling eyes staring back at you. his matching furrowed brows contorting his face that exactly show what emotion he is feeling. nodding your head, you let the words on the tip of your tongue.

“after school, i was probably 13. i found them in the hallway, laid there in a pool of their blood. each with a shard of glass in their hand. the house was dark when i entered, yet the sunlight from the living room shines perfectly on their laid bodies. even at that young age, i knew it would happen someday. but not that day.” you flutter your eyes as the images came again, “i just found out that i got into the middle school i wanted. that they wanted to. and i found them lifeless instead, when all i wanted was to give them the envelope showing that i got accepted. so i cried and cried and i only called 119 a few hours later.”

you can’t help but to let out a chuckle. one way for you to cope against these experiences as you reimagined them by looking at the bird's-eye view—taking everything into account. “being a middle schooler, i have to have a guardian who will be there until i’m old enough to inherit their wealth. in comes my aunt and her dead-beat husband, and they start to chew away all of that wealth, leaving me with scrapes that is enough for me to fulfill my primary and secondary needs, but no more. it doesn’t get better at school too when they see vulnerable me as an easy target to be mugged off. so i started cutting myself.”

your free hand moves as you fold your fingers, except your pointer and middle fingers. resembling a cutter, you put it down beside soobin’s hand, doing a slicing motion. “it started with that. a pressure from two fingers. mimicking what it feels like. then when i started high school, i started using a cutter. just a top layer of skin enough to make it hurt. not as hurtful as what i genuinely feel the whole time. but i add more and more pressure until one day, it got deep and broke a blood vessel.”

“in my mind, this is it. this is the moment that i can go meet my parents and berate them for leaving me behind to bear their weight. but my aunt found me, and she stopped it just so that she can still get the cut from the will because it said that if anything happens to me, all the wealth will go to charity instead. and she was having the time of her life mugging me back home, too. so i hide them behind the black forearm sleeves. her eyes were always on me and seeing that sleeve is an assuring thing for her that i will continue my life until high school ends.” your words end with a clear quiver.

“even with all this time, i still love my parents for them being my parents. and i feel lost without them around. my perception of love is so messed up that it is hard for me to let go and know that they are truly gone until their funeral. and now, i don’t know how to truly love something.”

you duck your head and cover your forehead with your free hand, sensing just how hot it has become from you talking as you felt the touch on your other arm creeps up and envelops your palm—curling your fingers with his. bare yourself out for him to see. the true you.

the boy turns away as he grabs something from his backpack, his heavy footsteps ring against the room as he walks back to the bed. a familiarly branded cigarette box in hand alongside a lighter. his nimble fingers reach to take out one of the sticks and quickly place it between his lips as he lights it up with fire. a light grey smoke coming from it as he takes an inhale and blows it out. the familiar scent you have smelled on his body, even last night before you slept.

“sorry for surprising you like that. i-“

“it’s okay,” you cut him off, “whatever makes you comfortable.”

soobin lets out a light scoff as you see him moving his tongue across his teeth, tasting the flavor that sticks to the bone before it’s his turn to talk.

“well, i also have a not-so-great upbringing,” he started as you put your full attention to him. the itchiness of your scars is being soothed down by the gentle breeze. “the best way i say of my existence is that i am a mistake. my mom doesn’t want me at all. she’s a single mom and i am made from one of her sexual escapades. she was still smoking when she was growing me, and so, i was born addicted to nicotine. and, that’s why...” he nudges the burning cigarette between his fingers before taking a puff.

“i feel like she hates me all throughout her life. i still don’t know why she birthed me, even when she has the connection to do an abortion, but maybe she made sure she birthed me to remind her of that mistake she made. well, you see...” he leans down, eyeing the cigarette before looking back at you. “she’s a nymphomaniac. i was exposed to that side of her when i was two. just think of a small boy walking around the house after gaining the ability to walk, to then go into the living room to find your mother riding someone’s cock.”

his vulgar words took you aback, but you could feel the raging flame inside of him, similar to the fire burning through that cigarette. “but it doesn’t stop. it continues. one moment, she took care of me by bringing me snacks to eat inside the bedroom. and next, her moans vibrate all across the house. it doesn’t stop. she prefers men, but sometimes women are there as well. it’s an everyday sex party at the house and she even hosted an orgy one time. 20-something people having sex in the living room, and i was in the bedroom, closing my ears as i continue to watch crayon shinchan.” soobin flicks the cigarette away before stomping it beneath his sneakers.

“her dad—my grandpa—sometimes had to take care of me when she hosted a large-scale sex party with alcohol and drugs after the first one. i learned a lot from him, mostly about things in life that my mom doesn’t even care to think to teach me. i wanted to live with him so much, to ask him why he doesn’t act when it comes to her daughter and why she is never pregnant. so, i was in middle school when he gave me the letter from a clinic, a written evidence of my mom’s tubal ligation. sterilizing herself so she would never get pregnant again.” his head turns to you to read your expression, seeing just how wet it is. “when i told my mom i want to live with grandpa, she doesn’t allow it, along with her many reasons like tax cut. but i know she is doing that to torture me, just like having me for her is the consequence of her nymphomaniac lifestyle.”

his hand reaches back for yours, returning to the previous position with his fingers locking with yours, “my only perception of love is the care my grandpa has for me. his willingness to introduce the world he knows, and he has to learn to know for me. but i don’t have an idea of romantic love especially with my perception of lovemaking, which is all gone when you have a mom who is just seeking sex and not romantic love. maybe only a glimpse of it from the episodes grandpa said about grandma, but that is it.”

your eyes lock with his, trailing down his face until you read his moving lips. “until i see you across from me on the train.”

“why me?” you looked down at your connected hands.

“you always caught my eye. the black sleeves on your arms. how you are always there right across from me when i go back into train after school like the way you always see me at the same time every time we go to school.” soobin had to turn down a smile, calming himself down. “you with your uniform and wired earphones compare to me. it’s like seeing your own reflection that has its uniqueness. i just... know that i will connect with you and i love you for that.”

“i- wow...” you lightly exclaimed. “the thing is...” scooting closer to him, letting his knees meet with yours. “i wholeheartedly agree with the reflection thing you said. i... i don’t know. this is just based on the things, but i believe that if we talk, we will talk like we know each other for our whole life. i see myself in you. and i’m glad that we ride that same train.”

“i do too.” he raises his other hand. his eyes asking for permission as you give a small nod when you felt his warm touch now on your cheek. your head leans closer as both of your foreheads meet, closing your eyes to take in just the love that spreads between the two of you. silent. introverted. yet familiar.

that’s when you feel his thick lips against yours, making you move to adapt to it by giving little nibbles. it was innocent—expressing just enough of your emotions to not overwhelm each other. all of that and the discovery you’ve uncovered in viliya of your previous connection.

when you pull away, feeling his breath against your mouth as you rest your forehead against his once again, you then ask.

“what do you see?”

soobin’s eyes also flutter open, meeting yours as he pulls away to take a better look at you. his eyes looking away as he recollects what he had seen.

“a shadow of a boy around 5 to 7 years old. his silhouette looks like mine when i was younger, but he’s different. much more forward and active than i am and holding onto a bunny plushie,” he chuckles. “i think he encompasses my fear perfectly. being an only child of a sterilized nymphomaniac, i can’t help but to think of the numerous times that my mom’s escapades will result in another baby being made. he was one of the lost children that could be my siblings and because of that, i just... i fear in making a connection with people, especially the way my mom does. people see it as superficial, but that’s what i always see. so i don’t know which is the ‘authentic’ way for that..."

you gulp your saliva as you stare at soobin and the familiar shadow behind him. looming tall as its eyes peers down at your seated self. “mine is a tall humanoid. two white eyes covered by long trails of hair in front. it’s like its bending their neck, purposely so that anyone can see the face of the being underneath it but it steel peeks at you.” your thumb plays above his hand, “i also have a fear of connecting with people, but more in a way that... they will be ashamed of me. an orphan who cuts herself while having some attachment issue to her dead parents.”

“you don’t need to be ashamed of yourself. you’re...” he takes a slight glimpse at you from your face to your dress. “you’re pretty.”

your giggles trail towards him before you return to seriousness. “we seem to be each other’s reflections.”

“and that means that to overcome the fear, we can help each other.” soobin remarked, his dimples showing as he held a long smile.

“genuine connection...” you muttered, looking down at your connected hands before going to his plump lips you have felt on your own. soobin seemed to read your mind as he pulls you closer. the end of your dress grazes along your legs as he carefully sits you on his lap.

“the most fully genuine connection i have is with you, (y/n).” he presses his forehead back on yours. “i will be willing to face my fear for this.”

“yet, i don’t want to force you.” you shake your head, but the way his hand moves yours to his nape says otherwise. pulling you close with a tight grip on your waist.

“even so, i don’t want to do this if it is not with you,” he muttered before brushing his lips against your neck, soft caresses across your body. timidness coming along with how soft it feels, letting himself go for you to take care of him.

both of your hands slowly peel each other’s outfit, standing across from each other as you looked at soobin’s unmarked skin compared to yours, which has scars leading all the way from your childhood. yet, with the way he stood there tense, you knew he would not be the one in charge. solidifying his trust in this very connection you made. ignoring the past life you have with him. that even being across from each other on that train, you could still create a genuine connection.

soobin’s face follows your touch, staring back at you with vulnerable eyes that still reflected a dark shine. he leans down, hesitation clear but follows through with your soft grasp on him as he kisses you once again. pushing forward more and more to let you feel him more and more, and all of this has cumulated for you two. his skin is soft until the brush of your hand gives him goosebumps. soobin reach out for you, feeling the scars decorated your love handle to your hips, pressing each of them to replace the painful memories of love instead.

he is the one who drags you to the bed, moving you into a comfortable position for him because he’s the one who is more fragile in this position. looking down at his laid body on the white mattress. his cock is starting to stand straight, more color moving into his shaft as he looks at himself before your hand sitting close to his thigh. peering back to his face who looks at you with expectation, you crawl your fingers across the skin of his thigh and reach his growing member. hisses comes out from soobin’s lips when he felt your soft touch from one side before enveloping altogether. you give him a small stroke, feeling him hardened under your palm.

“you’re doing so well.” your words flow to him, now using both of your hands to stroke him as he gets harder. whines now coming out of him as he focuses back on your face. eyes looking at someone that constantly runs in his mind, who is slowly changing the perspective of action he had seen since he was a young child. his eyes focused on your furrowed brows, looking between his face and his hardening member before you decided to switch position and lean forward. the tip of the head brushes against the tip of your nose as you guide him to your lips. a searing lick makes him jump as you pull away.

“are you alright?”

“i- i am. yeah... just...” soobin looks away, not wanting to look at the concern on your face.

“we’ll go at your pace, soobin.” you sit down on your kneeling position before him, hands slowly letting go of his cock—now standing tall.

“i want to feel you. down there,” he gasps, eyes gazing back at you as you nodded. you lift your hand up to your lips as you spit on the palm, the sense of the cold liquid added to his pleasure while you stroke him in a steady rhythm. your gaze looks between his face and his member, adding more pressure with your grip that makes shivers running down his spine. then, you lean forward and he stayed still, feeling your tongue touching his head, making the shiver spread more.

it turns into warmth as you envelop the top part of his cock, your lips enclosing around it as he hears the slurping noise. his hand that was on his side reaches for you, giving your head a caress that encourages you alongside his moans. soobin’s eyelids are hooded as he stares at you, not believing the idea of such a beautiful person taking care of him—letting everything go his way. and it continues to go his way when he pushed the back of your head unconsciously, making you take him deeper in your cavern as he lets out a loud groan.

the tip of your nose brushes against his skin, taking him deep as your hand assures his when you sensed it tense as he heard you gag. pulling away from the shaft, the area around your lips are covered in your drools and saliva, a string of them hanging onto his cock as you can see just how red his tip has become. soobin’s eyes are enlarged as he admires you, wiping the saliva away with his thumb as you playfully give it a peck before it trails down to your waist.

knowing the signal, you climb up onto his lap as you press your wet lower region against him. you grind yourself on his elongated cock, feeling the ridges of his tense muscle brushing against your clitoris, making you grab his grasp once again as you make his thumb find and rub against your bundle of nerves. hisses coming from you, eyelids dropping as you feel just how good it feels. soobin continues to eye you, rubbing softly against your skin before lifting yourself up. your thighs standing straight as the boy looks at how your hand grab his shaft and rubs the tip against your opening.

“i know that this is going to hurt,” mumbling to him, “but i also want to do it with you.”

“(y/n)...” he sighs, and it slowly gets louder as he felt your warm walls wrapped around him. the boy’s hands that were by your thighs and waist reach up as you lean your head back. sensing the stretch of the muscles down there to adapt to him.

and when you lean forward again—body now sitting upright—you peer down to reassure yourself on soobin. and the sight you see makes your heart that was already beating fast even faster. diamond-like shimmer is present in his eyes, but alongside tears that added more shine. you lean your body much more forward, hands reaching to cup his face and kiss all along his visible skin. yet, you felt his hands caressing your scars instead, especially the one you left behind in your arms.

your eyes flutter shut as you give his lips a kiss that takes your breath away. pecking away from his addicting kisses as you put the rest of them along his face—the shift of your body on him creating more moans coming from the both of you. you sensed his hands moving to your behind, cupping your cheeks as you pulled away from his neck to look back at him.

“you can move.” soobin’s word gives a signal, pushing yourself until your arm is straight as you slowly move on his lap and give him a teasing bounce—something that you found on the internet as a pleasurable way to tackle your position. your hands grip onto his shoulders, eyes on his as you continue your movement. you let him roam his hands around you as you try your best to get him as deep as you can before lifting yourself so that only a sliver of his member is inside you.

soobin’s eyes lock on the way your walls envelop his hardened cock that is standing straight, caressing the skin of yours as he hold you by the waist. you alternate your motion, including some grinding as both of your moans filled the room and night. shame all come across him as he couldn’t believe he left the people of viliya go and fend for themselves. letting fear consume all of them instead of encouraging them to go on. but with a graze of your hand now resting on the pillow beside his head, he could fear the biggest fear he has dissipate away with each fluid movement and the aftermath of emotion.

genuine connection.

the boy’s hips followed your movement, following your action that even made you widen your eyes in surprise. his hands move upwards to your upper back before pulling you down, letting him give light kisses across your breasts and trails up to the column of your neck and meeting your lips as the final destination. one hand holds onto the back of your head as the other still rests above your hips, using his stamina to follow along with you. both of your eyes stay in contact, communicating like the many times you both have done so on that very train. now with much more feelings than a mere silent love.

he wraps his arms around your body when you fully lean down, head beside his. the grip of his hands loosens when he hears soft sobs coming from you, sobs that he understand so well as he also ssensed the same warmth thawing his frozen interior, breaking away the dense walls as it crumbles to allow you in. soobin reaches to cup your cheeks with trails of tears on them, a small smile adorning your face as your gaze at him expresses the very emotion he also feels for you. you both meet at the middle, enrapturing your lips with each other as you both chase your high.

“i’m going to cum.” his lips move against yours when he whispered and your head nods in reply. your walls tighten as you both continue to move. both of your moans meeting each other’s as his eyes are blown wide to see yours, who is peering at him dearly. then, he felt himself choking, his breath caught, and he spurted himself inside your walls. your little whining hum tells him you sense his release, slowing down your motion as soobin can’t help but feel the tears that are threatening to come out now in a free fall.

yet, his hips move again, making you claw your hand against his chest as he exerts to get you to your high as well. your eyes stare back at him, chin leaning against his chest so you could watch him as you chase his fluid movement. your walls clamp, holding onto him as you mentioned “i- i’m cum-“

“cum for me,” he encourages, helping more to chase you as you let out a shriek. your walls are pounding as flashes came about in your eyes and you felt yourself wetter and more aware of soobin’s release inside you. instantly, he brought your body down to his as your faces are leaning close to each other. swollen eyes, swollen lips. both are what you have as he brought you into the last searing kiss. embracing each other with a new booster of encouragement from each of you: readying yourself to face what tomorrow offers.

in the dawn of the next day, you both wake up with a determination you both haven’t felt before.

with each other, you both took care of your body, lathering the suds of the soap across both of your bodies as you stayed with soobin. both of your high school uniforms are the only clean outfits you both have as you pull them on. every piece from the socks to the vest. but you left your black sleeves behind drying up, sensing the cool breeze soothing it down as you embrace them as a unique part of you. soobin approaches as he lifts both of your hands, kissing the marred skin as he gazes at you, communicating without words once again as you nod.

as the sun rises across the magical island of viliya, you both emerge from the crumbling room from the palace empty of people. yet, both of your minds are onto something else. soobin pushes open the palace walls, finding many people taking cover and safety across the safe place of the palace walls. some were asleep, and some were awake with numbness in their eyes. yet they all glide to both of your figures as they all gasp.

“your majesties, are you both alright?“ choerry calls as she sees the familiar figures coming out of the palace, not tending after them when she has to take care of more people. but it stopped as she sees the rush in both of your movements, the two leaders of viliya walk to the barracks.

light exuding from them.

choerry runs to get to jinsoul as soon as she realizes it. her dirty white dress flowing as she goes past the number of viliyans all around her as she meets the blonde elven woman who is looking at the papers upon papers of letters that signify the situation of each building destroyed in viliya. her breath turning into heaves when jinsoul turns her head to look at her fellow keeper.

“what again, choerry-“

“the majesties.” she instantly cuts, “they’re glowing- they’re going to the barracks.”

“oh, oh!” jinsoul exclaims before picking up her speaking stone, telling the piece of information to the red music note replying on the other side.

“i’ll come to you. just let me get my things.” choerry looks at jinsoul who is replying to the speaking stone before they set off to the barracks. where lip is located as she just put away the speaking stone to her satchel before jinsoul’s words came true with the appearance of the two leaders coming into the area as she quickly bows down.

“your majesties, we-“

“do you still have any melee weapons?” you’re the one that asked, eyes looking towards the shelves of bows you come across.

“yes! yes, we do. right here, what do you prefer?” lip quickly accommodates the two of you as you both find the shelves full of melee weapons.

“daggers for (y/n). short sword for me,” soobin replies, recollecting the memories of what you both quietly discuss the night before.

lip grabs a short sword and its scabbard before giving it to soobin and walks to grab the daggers for you when her eyes peer down to give you the dagger by the handle. her eyes thought they were deceiving her as she didn’t see the black sleeves associated with you, but instead found scars on where the skin was covered.

“your majesty-“ she raises her head to look at you when you give her a small nod. her eyes seeing a shimmering outline coming from your body as you give her a tight lip smile. she watches as you take a glance at soobin, a small knowing nod shared between you to him as you about to turn your body away,

“your majesty!” jinsoul comes in with choerry trailing behind her, her eyes now looking at the glowing outline the two you had. connected and brighter as you stand side by side. “did you two found out how-“

“yeah, we did.” soobin answered, “i was saving (y/n) from the umbrae attack when one of them morphs in front of me. rather than think otherwise, i just hissed at it and it quickly falters. we both talked about facing our fears and about the situation when we realized that this is a now or never situation. that we have to be the one to move first so the others can get courage to fight back.”

“and we have a new determination flowing through us. that whatever happens and the experience we both have gone through, it will strengthen us rather than weakening us. it’s why we...” you paused as you peek at soobin, “decide to embrace that and face them by ourselves.”

lip steps forward and speaks, “it is only the two of you, your majesties, versus them.”

“then so be it. the umbraes are trained to find the weakest part of each person in viliya. it knows your doubts too, and soobin knows that by straight up being in front of them, confidence that it will work, it will cower away.” the steadiness in your sound shocks the keepers as soobin looks at you with pride. the keepers eyeing their leaders, the glow getting brighter than before as it inspires lip more and more. her furrowed brows loosen as you recognize the fire that is growing in her, and her realization.

“your majesty,” your head turns towards jinsoul who comes to step before you, a smile growing on her face, “your confidence will help us. your glow can help us. can you share them?” her hands reach for yours. whilst looking down, the glow on your hand travels to jinsoul as you search into her eyes and see the hope growing in them. you sense soobin standing close to you, his hand reaches for your own.

“as long as it helps the others to fight,” he answered for you and you both chuckle as you watch the grin on jinsoul’s face. choerry grabs a big glass jar as jinsoul uses her magic to transfer some of the glow into the jar until it is full. her eyes gleaming more as both you and soobin seemed to glow even more when choerry gave the jar to lip.

“jinsoul said the glow can be used to coat the swords and arrows.” choerry reiterates as lip looks down at the glow, a smile on her face.

“i will rally the people to join you along with the other keepers,” the elven girl said as you both nod, turning your head to soobin before pointing to the entrance with your chin. his grip on your hand doesn’t let go as you both fled from the barrack and towards the gate, seeing the eyes of the people watching the two of you as you jog through the gate with confidence.

each step you both take brings you to the plaza where it was attacked by the umbrae. the clean area is now filled with stains of soot and rubble from more collapsing buildings. at the end of the plaza is darkness, trails of them crawling on the ground as the sky above it is as purple as yesterday. your thumb caresses his hand as you face them, a dagger in your other hand as you stood at the being that has threatened so many people. when the doubt comes in, the shadow reacts more, slithering a tendril out to reach for both of you.

yet, you felt soobin raising his hand up to his lips and kiss the back of yours, reassuring you of his confidence as the slithering shadows stopped before them and morphed into a giant snake head. but before it finishes morphing, soobin has already let go of your hand and charged to the shadow with his sword in hand. giving the neck a slice, the snake head crumbles into smithereens and the slimy substance instantly dries out.

a grin grows on your face as you step forward beside him. your dagger swings lightly on your hand as you threw it towards the umbraes. the glow on it making it more visible as it reaches where the umbrae settles. when you first thought that it would have disappeared into the dark, it subverts your thought as you see a cut made of light and the view of the road on the other side. the umbrae reacting as its waves move to the other side and you eyed how it takes over 30 seconds for it to heal itself.

“let’s go!” you exclaimed as soobin follows beside. the slow march turns into confident steps and a charge as you approach the darkness that is getting larger and larger. the shadow reacts, shifting their presence as you watch more tendrils trailing out of the darkness. with soobin’s sword, he slices the nearest one before it shifts into the shape that it wants. your eyes glance beside you as a limping humanoid walks towards you, like the zombies you’ve watched in the movies. reaching for a dagger, you stab it through its head as it shatters and stains your uniform. your hands scrambling to get the other dagger in your hand, double-wielding it as you slice through many of the shapes of umbrae. from humanoid to animal-like to something beyond your imagination.

the smear of black goo sprites to your cheek as you felt it dripping down your face, throwing another dagger to the umbrae that was going to morph into a dragon as it bleeds black gooey substance when it slices across its throat. your eyes look around, staying alert to the nearest umbrae from you, when you heard the shout of someone calling for you.

“soobin?!” you shouted back, looking at the direction where the voice calls you to see a circle of umbraes and a sliver of soobin’s white shirt showing between the gap.

quickly, you push away the approaching umbrae as the graze of the blade is enough for it to crumble. your sight focusing on soobin’s body that is being overwhelmed by the amount surrounding him. his blade is already moving in a circle, yet the barrier is thickening, the claustrophobic situation that you count as the primary tactics of the umbrae to fight: using the most common phobias.

raising your arms up, you slice through the umbraes to create a clear path for you to soobin. cutting off one side of their image and even the middle as it fell and dirtied the ground even more. the boy’s furrowed brows were the first thing you noticed as you approached and sliced through the umbrae so close to his back as he stabbed one in front of him.

“i’m here!” he turns around as he finds you. your vision now sees clearly that he had some tears trickling down his cheek. soobin wraps his arms around you, embracing you to never let go again. seeing how this fighting affects him makes you pause your action, and you feel just how tiring it is facing them. your head instantly searched for the warmth of his shoulders as you wrapped your arms behind his back. not caring if the umbrae will reach for you and consume you whole—you can come back out from this even if you try.

but the barriers of darkness didn’t come closer. instead, it stops.

you open your eyelids to see the familiar blurriness from the many visions you have of viliya. of the old you walking around the plaza. the blurriness that makes the light slightly curved and things far away so distorted that you have to walk closer. the glow that was sticking onto the outline of your body now gone, but the blurriness has the substance of the glow, like it is expanding.

from your vision, you thought the blurriness is the uncertainty of the images you conjured.

instead, it is a shield for both soobin and you.

his sobs stop when he pulls away, finally realizing the familiar blurriness that he had also seen in his vision. he looks at you, a face full of assurance gazing back as you soothe him down with your hand by his arm. he notices that when either of you moves, some of the umbraes shatter as it still gathers to create a barrier that is being stopped by your glowing shield. you eyed him and then to the daggers in both of your hands, nodding your head as a signal for him to continue on. bringing the stained sword back beside him, you lean in and give him a peck on his lips as he answered with a small chuckle.

“CHARGE!”

a war cry sounded from outside of the barrier of umbrae as you gaze upon the large darkness. launches of arrows piercing through the darkness and chips it away. you turn your head when a gap between the barrier opens as you find lip’s determined face, double wielding rapiers in her hands as you both quickly get a grip of your weapons and continue to slice through the shadows.

as the last of it went from you both, you eyed the various citizens of viliya fighting back with their own weapons. horned people using their glow imbued blades to go through the shapes forming before them, to the winged people doing aerial attacks with their bow and arrows. a smile grows on your face as you shift to find soobin who has his own looking back at you. the two of you march as you stand beside the people, fighting away the darkness that has shrouded the island for so much time and many more that have been inside of people.

the large darkness is getting smaller and smaller, tendrils are still going out of it hastily but quickly stopped by the confidently powered viliyans. your figure approaches the source as it’s getting obliterated, chipping away by the ways it tries to fight back from the appearances of skeletons, giant spiders, and to even a mirror version of them. soobin joins you as you watched the darkness that is trying to attack you—block by your glowing shields. when it is only the last fistful of darkness there, soobin instantly stabs it with his sword, staring at it as it shifts around the blade before it drops onto the ground. your heavy breaths are the noises you heard outside of the battle, finishing outside of the barrier.

turning your body to face him, your eyes widen to see the familiar shadowy figure that haunts you behind him. and you stare at his eyes that is looking up, sensing the weight of your back as you learned of what he described of his shadow: a little boy sitting on top of your shoulders. the shadows stopped to look at you, their glowing white eyes glaring with the gaze of something that used to haunt you, but is now just a husk of fear.

dropping your dagger down beside you, you reached for soobin’s warm hands. craving his touch that comforts you through your trials and tribulations here. he doesn’t care that both of your hands are stained with the black goo, meeting his palm with yours as you finally let out the tears that you’ve been holding. and then, you suddenly cough. both of you cough as you still let your hands connect, ready to fight back against what happens to you.

you sensed something emerging from inside you as you continued to cough to let it out. your free hand in front of your lips as you spit something out. it feels heavy on your hand as you blink away the water in your eyes from the pain. the shape is jagged as you look upon a dark crystal. the core of it is a swirling raven but the outline of it is white with a glow—a wall to make the shape sturdy as ever. across from you, soobin’s hand is holding onto the same thing. the swirling substance inside looks like the one the umbrae has.

tilting your head upwards, you watched as the giant shadow behind soobin eyes the crystal in your palm. its eyes emoting for the first time—showing it getting elongated in a familiar look of joyful people as it slowly disappears. with the sound of a gasp from soobin, he finally sees the smile expression of the boy before it disappears as well, your shoulders now so light that the force of gravity tumbles you into his embrace.

the viliyans all cheer around you as you brought your arms around him, hugging him so close as you finally find the comfort of him you long to meet before finishing the war. lip and the rest of the keepers approached you. their white dresses are also stained with black substance. their eyes look at the crystals wrapped in your palm when you both pull away. that is before a white glow forms a circle behind both of you. coming from it is the familiar muffled sound of trains running on the track, people talking as they commute to their destination, and the chime of the doors.

“thank you.” jinsoul first spoke, “for coming back to us, for helping us.” you didn’t realize that there are backpack straps on them as you find yours on choerry’s back.

“it is time for you to go back to your obligations. we know it is a sudden thing for you as you both are still teenagers to face all of this.” lip added, her tight lip smile still feels so genuine as you could sense the tears brimming in your eyes. your hand is still gripping the crystal tight as you open it. soobin follows as he slowly lets the crystal in his palm slide into yours. the three keepers stand before you as well as the rest of the viliyans who looked at their leaders—courageous enough to fight at the front and motivating the rest. the boy’s hand holds onto the back of your waist.

you push your hand forward towards choerry who is looking back at you, a small pout showing on her face, “fear is always going to be here. so no need to destroy these cause fear also motivate us to continue our lives.” choerry has her palm open after you ended your words, placing it gently on it. “take good care of them. those are the fears we have to let go to continue life.”

“we sure do and...” choerry puts the crystals in her pouch before giving you your backpack. “you are always welcome to come here again. this island is yours to lead. it would be better if both of you have an input for them as well.”

“well, i trust all three of you to build viliya back. we...” soobin looks at you as you give him a small smile, “have something to do in our lives first before fully committing to viliya.”

“like graduations and all that...” you jumped in.

the three keepers look at both of you fondly as you give a smile and feel a drop of a tear falling down your cheek. lip seems to reach for her pouch and pull out the familiar pairs of black and white sleeves. “you almost forgot these,” she replies as you give a warm smile and hold the sleeves in your grasp.

with a nod, you pack your things and step closer towards the bright portal. the sight of the rest of viliyans waving their hands towards you makes you coo. even with such a short time here, many of your problems in life are solved when you just have to be brave enough to face them. and to know that there is a safe place to be uniquely you is all enough for you to have a place you can rely on. that even with no matter “normal” you are, you still have a power to change things in the world.

you turned around and faced the bright portal. looking through it, you find a vivid vision of the station where you usually wait for the seoul metro to take you home. a hand grasps into yours and the figure stood beside you, staring back at the portal as the vivid picture becomes clearer and clearer.

“will i be seeing you again?” soobin muttered as you turned your head, seeing him now looking at you.

you reach out and give him a searing kiss on his cheek, “i’m sure we will...”

both of you take a step together into the bright portal, letting the light blind and embrace you.

the door of the train car opens along with the familiar chime.

the passengers of seoul metro line 7 are in various outfits. from the shirts of corporate workers to the blazers of uniforms of students, the sight of elderly people who are still walking along the station to get their exercise, to the street style fashion of young adults. they decorate the sight of both the underground stations and the streets above, especially the affluent neighborhood of gangnam. it is also the sight that you see again alongside the ride from hongdae, and often see now as you tug your backpack to head back from your part-time job.

you lift your bluetooth headphones on your neck and place it on your ears, pressing play on the phone as it lets you filter out the outside sound in alongside the background music. your eyes peer up at the display now, instead of the dots have changed into screens that signals the journey along the tracks.

when the train stops at the familiar name of the station—one before cheongdam—your head already turns to the side as you watch people get in and out of the train car. your eyes searching for a specific person.

his black hair is ruffled as well as the white t-shirt he is wearing with his black tie. his hand is holding onto his phone while the other hangs on tight to his backpack. the familiar sight of him after heading back from his internship. and he turns his head to look across the set of chairs.

soobin’s eyes finding yours. and you reciprocate.

a smile adorning your face as you take a step across those seats, crossing the gap to his embrace as you head back to your home together.

taglist: @raeyunshm @leilasmom @evidive @boba-beom @kwiwin @heesw1fe @aloverga @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @cha0thicpisces @y4wnjunz @yeehawnana @beansworldsstuff @kimipxl @blurryriki @amazzwon @sunpov @ineedsomezzz @stayzentiny @rebsmoonn @angelbythewindow @ttyunz @bamtorin @shinrjj @kookthief

#k-labels #solstice: a comeback story #txt smut #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt angst #txt fluff #txt fanfic #txt x reader #soobin x reader #rsc: i only said #rsc: loveless #cr: soobin #cs: txt #sc: regina #discovery: 400 #collaboration with the moon

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hyewka · 1 year ago

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᭄⁑　txt as yanderes | thoughts

warnings: yandere, noncon, baby trapping, mention of knife play, slapping, perversion, not proofread

yandere!jjun is the type to be too sweet, sickly sweet. like barfed cupcakes and sprinkles, he pretends to care, he love bombs, he kisses you like he truly loves you, like there’s no one else but you and maybe its true, maybe there is no one else but you in his eyes. but its not romantic. not when he has blood on his hands, figuratively or literally, he’s responsible for innocents lost.

“i didn’t lay a single hand on them, how many times do i have to tell you! doll, baby, believe me. please.” his voice cracks, like he’s about to cry. you scoff and turn your head to the side, disgusted, feeling like you could very much vomit right now.

“stop fucking calling me these—these words!”

yandere!jjun, the type to crumble to his knees and beg, holding onto your leg like an abandoned puppy despite having much more power than you, both in strength and status. lips trembling, eyes wide and crazed, full of pitiful tears, giving you a false reality, sense of hope that he isn’t that much more powerful than you could even imagine.

now yandere!soobin on the other hand is the type you don’t even realize is mentally out of it, not until you’re literally two years into a relationship with him with a stable history of 7+ year of friendship. he’s been jealous here and there, one instance of him breaking down over you having coffee with a male colleague that you had to craddle him, rocking back and forth as he sobs and hiccups— that keeps you up at night sometimes, but he’s so convincing you don’t even notice how often he manipulates and gaslights and manipulates. the way he slithers his long arms around your waist, pressing your bodies flush, holding you tight, whispering random “love you’s”, you almost completely forget. almost.

when yan!soobin’s fucking you senseless, lost in pleasure, tongue out dumb like the horndog he is, you manage to warn him again, “b-baby, not on—hah birth control”

don’t cum inside. don’t cum inside. you told him that before you got too into it, and he agreed, he promised he won’t. of course he won’t.

so why’s he shaking his head? why’s he refusing now? your eyes widen a little, trying to push him but he leans to kiss you, drowning out your protests, turning them to mere mewls. “baby—wanna—wanna make you have babies..”

the alarm bells ring again. and again. and suddenly you remember the few warnings from your friends, the offhanded comments about how he’s a little off, a little weird, that he seems obsessed.

“you won’t leave me when you have my babies, you can’t—” suckling on your nipples through your shirt as if to prove a point, he wets it completely, making it see through with his spit. you feel gross. you feel—“can’t leave me,” he says one last time, moans straining as he empties his load in you. a generous load.

yandere!beomgyu is my favorite in the most deranged way possible. he’s not too sweet, he’s not the meanest, and he isn’t the most pathetic, but he’s definitely the craziest. beomgyu would be the one to go as far as to lock you in his home, keep you chained, bondaged—he’s fucking insane. the type to be into knife play as well, he loves the switch in power dynamic. instead of the past bossy, in control at all times y/n and her pretty lanky best friend who’s probably “head over heels” for her, it’s you on your knees, cold hard wood, getting your throat brutally abused like his personal sex doll.

he loves finally being the one in control. he’s so addicted. sometimes it feels like he’s only inflicting his craziest perverted dreams on you, and you were just his nearest victim, but oh no, out of the five, he’s definitely the most ‘in love’.

“let me out…beomgyu…please.”

his back is pressed against the bedroom’s door, listening in to your sobs that barely transcend the sound proof walls. he sighs, frusteningly running a hand through his hair.

“why—why don’t you love me?”

and suddenly its silent on your part, the sobs not reaching his ears anymore. its enough to cause more cracks in his heart, making him undeniably more bitter but god forbid he gives up on it—on making you love him back, he’ll risk everything for it.

yandere!taehyun is the most cruel but he’d also be considered the least delusional and the most delusional at the same time. he knows you won’t love him back, he could care less (well…debatable actually), it’s about protecting you at the end of the day. that’s where the delusion comes in, he thinks he’s your white knight and you’re only acting out like you’ve always been. stubborn and hard headed. when it comes to the sex, this man has you at all times legs spread up, with your hand restricted, supplying your pussy like a free breed whore. other than the humiliating position, he makes sure you’re aware at all times of what you are to him.

his saliva and cum covering your body like filth, using you like a rag, truly. he’s the type to slap when you act out—a strike against your face, pussy, tits, he’d do it all. and yet he still wholeheartedly believes he’s protecting you from the world that “corrupted” you.

yandere!hyuka is beyond pathetic but you’ll never know because he doesn’t act on his desires. well, in the sense that he doesn’t scratch the eyes out of every one of your boyfriends and doesn’t have you tied to him at all times—he’s the pussy type. in the dark, following, each and every step. that was the beginning. then it was jerking off on your balcony peeking between the blinds as he watches you undress. then it was stealing panties, sniffing, licking, as his hands go manic on his poor dick—it hurts, it’s dry but he keeps going, because he is so fucking addicted he doesnt wanna stop. whining n’ squeaking as he lets out your name out of his mouth over and over and over again.

your scent when he hugs you drives him mad, when you kiss his cheeks he embarrassingly spots a boner, he’s just pathetic with horrible horrible dirty thoughts in his head.

#txt smut #yandere smut #beomgyu smut #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #yeonjun smut #hueningkai smut #soobin smut #taehyun smut #🌷. rana thoughts

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biteyoubiteme · 9 months ago

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7 minutes

soobin x fem!reader x beomgyu

synopsis: you play seven minutes in heaven with your boyfriend and his roommate beomgyu.

warnings: 🔞!!! boyfriend!soobin, shy!beomgyu, reader called girlfriend, mentions of drinking, masterbation (m!rec), slight fingering, nipple play, use of teeth, boobplay obvi, cuckolding ?, prob for got some sorry

wc: 1.7k

an: anon ask inspired by @miupow s post! not my best work sorry anon ;-; i tried <33 feedback appreciated! [m.list]

“Isn't this game for middle schoolers?”

“elementary I think,” you add while taking a sip of your drink.

Someone had proposed to play spin the bottle. Most agreed it was too lame before adding that whoever it landed on would have to spend seven minutes in heaven in the upstairs bathroom. Two party games you didn't expect to see on a college campus but it was the end of the semester and people didn't care what they were doing as long as it involved drinking and some kind of touching. But it would pass the time before you got home where there would be definite touching with the way your boyfriend was watching you.

When it reached this time of the night you knew you were minutes away from being taken away from the group. soobin was growing quiet as the night went on, gazes lasting longer and longer on your chest, your thighs, your lips. He never wanted to be rude to the people who invited the two of you, needing to stay at least an hour before calling a cab and hauling you to his bed.

For now, soobin kept you pressed to his side on the couch, the coffee table in front of you being cleared away for the game. “okay who's first?” Yeonjun asks laying his empty bottle down in the center, no one moves to go so Yeonjun claps Beomgyu on the shoulder, “You're up,”

“best for last, not first,” Gyu raises his hands shrugging but Yeonjun only shoves his shoulder, “Spin the bottle already,”

You're not paying them much attention because soobins tracing lines up and down your bare thigh stopping right at the hem of your skirt before going back down to your knee. His arm slung around your waist, leaning in to whisper, “Do you wanna get-“

“oooo,” the crowd giggles around the two of you cutting soobin off. Both of you look down at the table and the glass pointing right at you.

“no no no,” soobin shakes his head waving a hand in front of him, “you're not locking yourself in the bathroom with my girlfriend,”

“scared he’ll steal her?” tae jokes pushing an elbow into Beomgyus side who is looking anywhere but at you.

It was only a week since Beomgyu came home earlier and heard soobin and you in the other room. A week since he's started to fantasize about being the one to make you moan that loud. Even that day he told himself he would only think about you like that once, only one time would he touch himself with that image in his head. It wasn't hard to cum as fast as he did when he had the soundtrack of you two playing through those thin walls. But for a week you came over every night and even if you and soobin weren't having sex just the sight of you walking through the doorway made him hard. Gyu avoided you like the plague and now the stupid bottle was a blinding arrow pointed right at you dressed in that tight tank top, braless with your nipples peeking through the thin fabric. He could feel his face heating, tried to elbow Taehyun right back to silence the teasing.

You could tell Beomgyu was a bit embarrassed, the group now going back and forth about how it's the rule of the game, couple or not. You took a final sip of your drink passing the bottle to soobin before leaning in and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “It's only seven minutes, you trust me don't you?”

soobin did trust you, You've never given him a reason not to but Beomgyu wasn't exactly subtle these last few days. Maybe you haven't noticed but soobin had been tuned into the reactions you have been getting from gyu, the way he clammed up when you were around, rushing to his room as soon as you walked in, and the whimpers through the wall mixed with your name. It had only been the one time he had heard; the dorms were not exactly as private as they wanted them to be. And he trusted Beomgyu, only this was an opening he didn't want to toy with.

at least not until you muttered, “You can listen at the door if you want,”

soobin has never thought about you with someone else; the idea didn't seem appealing in the slightest, not with one of his friends, not with anyone. Having the roles reversed with him on the other side of the wall made him want you even more and made him realize partially what gyu was feeling.

When the three of you are on the staircase soobin is leading the way, beomgyu following behind you trying his hardest not to look up your skirt. “we don’t have to do this, it's a stupid game,” but soobins pushes the door open to the upstairs bathroom tugging you in after him.

beomgyu is standing in the doorway like a deer in headlights, frozen watching as soobin pulls your back to his front, your startled laugh breaking the tension. “come on gyu it’s only seven minutes,”

“you don't have to if you don't want to,” you say but soobin palms your left boob over your tank top, squeezing enough to make you gasp.

“yeah if you don't want to, don't come in,'' Soobins resting his cheek against your ear, smirking at gyu like it's a challenge rather than an offer. beomgyu wasn't going to turn away as much as he knew this was not really what he signed up for when he spun that bottle.

The bathroom wasn't too big but had enough space for the three of you to fit, soobin and you facing the mirror with gyu sitting behind you two on the edge of the bathtub. He had locked the door behind him, your eyes following the way he moved, his cheeks flushed, hands balled in fists on his lap. he was watching the way soobins fingers moved, one hand sliding up the front of your tank top pushing the fabric up your stomach, the other massaging your breast making the outline of your nipples so visible gyu could imagine what they felt like under his fingertips.

soobin looked at beomgyu through the mirror before asking, “Have you ever thought about my girlfriend when you touched yourself?”

Gyu gave a surprised cough before clearing his throat, “Um,” but he was distracted as your hand reached up to wrap around soobins wrist, your soft whine mixed with the word, “harder,” soobin kissed your temple indulging in your request. Your head rolling back on his shoulder, heavy-lidded eyes watching gyu.

“answer the question,” soobin pressed, tugging down one of the straps of your tank, watching gyus throat bob. “we don't have all day, you’re wasting your seven minutes,”

“yes,” the word comes as fast as the slamming of a door, shutting the conversation of your sanity. You didn't care what soobin had thought up before climbing these stairs, you would play any game set before you.

beomgyu was painfully hard in his jeans not helped by the fact that soobin was now pushing down your tank top, your boobs spilling out before them. Every fantasy didn't do you justice now, the rise and fall of your chest drawing him in, the path of soobins hands knowing where gyu wanted them to be. “do you want him to just watch or should I be nice and share you?”

you were rubbing your thighs together at the suggestion, soobin pinches your nipple hard for a response, “Share, please,”

soobin would give you anything if you asked, this was no different. “gyu?”

beomgyu didn't need to be asked twice.

soobin lifted you onto the counter kissing down your throat before dragging his tongue down between the valley of your breast nipping at your skin, you twisted your fingers into his hair watching over his head as gyu stood up. You lifted your free hand out for him and he took it in his. You guided him to your free tit letting him cup your warm skin. He was kneading softly, testing the waters.

Circling your nipple with his thumb he leaned down to let his lips ghost over your sensitive nub. Your fingers in his hair are enough to push him over the edge and finally taste you. Your back arching into their mouths as they ravaged your skin, sucking marks along any stretch of space they could get. beomgyu was rubbing his bulge against your leg, teeth tugging at you before kissing away any pain, your moans filling the room along with their groans.

soobin is the one to fumble at his belt first, not able to keep himself together, knowing the second he started to tug on himself while sucking on you he would cum instantly. Gyu was quick to follow, shoving his hand down his pants. He was already leaking making it easier to pick up the pace. They were insatiable when it came to your boobs, soobins heavy gaze on you as he swirls his tongue over your nipple, free hand reaching below your skirt to press to your clit. gyu groaning around a mouthful stopping his hand after every stroke on his swollen cock, if he goes any faster he won't be able to keep himself upright.

But it doesn't take much for the three of you to reach your climax, soobins long fingers working over your sopping cunt, the stimulation from your nipples sending sparks down between your legs. both of your thighs are covered in their hot cum, beomgyus face pressed into your chest as he tries to catch his breath, soobin brushing the hair back to kiss your flushed cheek. “look at how pretty we decorated you,”

you untangle your hands from their hair looking down at your chest now adorned in an array of hickeys, your tank not enough to cover the full extent of the darkening red spots. gyu is shyly looking away from you, thumb brushing at the droplets of cum he left, squeezing your thigh. “definitely better than anything I imagined,”

“let's clean you up and take you home, I'm sure beomgyu wouldn't mind joining us again. I can show him how good these feel,” soobin says taking your boobs in both hands and pressing them together, “wrapped around his cock,”

#txtsmut #txt x reader #txt fanfic #txt smut #txt #soobin x reader #soobin smut #choi soobin #beomgyu #soobin #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu smut #huening kai #Yeonjun #taehyun #kpop smut

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cheriden · 5 months ago

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˙ . ˚ ₊ 「 liar, liar 」 ꜝꜝ

“ "Thought people wanted college to be over. Looks like they never want to let go.” Soobin jokes. You look down, swaying your feet out of shame for being one of those people.”

── synopsis 。yeonjun drags you to a party and you get caught up in the middle of truth-or-dare.

pairing 。best friend!yeonjun x reader x friend!soobin

.ᐟ genre 。angst (yeonjun) and sort-of fluff (soobin) (and eventual smut)

.ᐟ tags 。yeonjun is an asshole, making out, college au, miscommunication/arguing because none of them want to compromise, i love soobin, drinking and party games

.ᐟ status & word count 。two-parts | 1.73k | masterlist

part 1 | yeonjun's ending | soobin's ending

.ᐟ warnings/notes 。 i did not proofread what's new! reader is gender neutral BUT will be afab once the smut comes along. poll at the end<3

“And if I don’t enjoy it?” You argue, to which the other whines and pulls you next to him. “You will, trust me on this.”

You would, except he promised you the same thing the past three parties ago.

Yeonjun has been your best friend since diapers— a result of your parents being friends, and though you’d usually say he has your best interests at heart, sometimes his own precedes yours. He tries to get you into new things—clubbing, raving, organizations that require you to be social; you could really see how hard he tries to gain shared hobbies with you.

Admittedly, it’s a bit unfair for him. He participates in all your activities, no matter how boring they get; and he enjoys them, so much so that he’d come to introduce you to his friends with similar pastimes. Which is why you’re here, but you can’t deny how tired you get of his social scene. It’s a bit too fast and loud for your liking, a point made as the both of you make your way through the sweaty crowd, Yeonjun greeting (screaming) at every familiar person he comes across. He guides you by the hand into the kitchen area, scoping the rest of the scene out. He says he’ll be right back, though it usually takes him 30 minutes to do so. He also says you can come with him. You shake your head and hoist yourself up the counter, palming the pockets of your clothing. You realize Yeonjun kept your phone in his bag. You grumble, mentally preparing to search for him, but the ocean of bodies is getting more violent as the night goes on. With a sigh, you pace around the empty area. You rummage through the cupboards and the fridge, only they’re all completely empty. You’d assume the drink table was somewhere off the side of the living room, and all you do is walk through the barren space. A knock is heard on the doorframe, and you look up to see one of Yeonjun’s friends.

Soobin is one of the people in his close circle who keeps to himself, and he’s the one you share most in common with. “I’m guessing he hauled you to one of these again.” He comments, sitting on the counter next to you. “I didn’t know there were so many graduation parties to attend in a row.” You mumble. The other laughs, playing with the solo cup in his grasp. “Me neither. Thought people wanted college to be over. Looks like they never want to let go.” You look down, swaying your feet out of shame for being one of those people. You know the reason is childish and troublesome, embarrassingly cliche—but you’ll miss the proximity you share with your friends, namely Yeonjun. Skipped classes and free periods will no longer have you meet each other, to be replaced with a nine-to-five and what’s most probably a dead-end career in different areas of the city as the best case scenario. “Might as well enjoy it before the graduation ceremony, right?” You peruse, nudging his side. Soobin furls his eyebrows “You enjoy sitting here, bored out of your mind?” Rolling your eyes, you get on your feet and extend your hands to the blond. He raises an eyebrow, but can’t contain the smile on his face when he takes your hand in his.

“I think we’ve made a big mistake.” Soobin whispers, watching the host explain the game. The two of you were stumbling around the house before you were pulled in by a group of strangers, forced to sit down. “We know how to play truth or dare, idiot.” Yeonjun groans across you, uninterested. “Can’t we just play regular spin the bottle or something?” One of his friends chuckle beside him, “So we can all get an STD from you? Yeah, no thanks.” The two argue even more, before the host shakes his head and tells them to shut up. “Let’s just start, okay?” The circle nods, and the bottle twirls around the carpeted floor.

It lands on Yeonjun—and you have to physically restrain yourself from looking annoyed at the amount of fake ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ that come next. “Yeonjun,” The boy sings, "I dare you to kiss who you think is the hottest person in the room.” The brunette raises his hand, but is shut down. “No, you can not kiss yourself.” With a pout, Yeonjun stalks forward, earning a flinch from you. His gaze flickers to yours for a moment, but your incessant heartbeat suddenly drops when he swivels his head to kiss the person beside you.

You gulp, and take in one long breath. It seems like forever, you watching him kiss someone else right in front of you. Your eyes are wide, gripping the hem of your bottoms as he pulls away slowly, smirk etched onto his lips as he wipes the string of saliva off it. You’re stuck staring at nothing for minutes, occasionally taking sips of your beer and glancing at Yeonjun to see him unbothered and carefree. His expression makes your stomach ill (though half of it is due to your drinking), and you’re about to excuse yourself when the snout of the bottle lands on your feet. All of them are watching you, including the brunette’s curious ones. You take a deep breath, and plop down onto the cushion. The girl who’s up to dare you smiles, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “I dare you to kiss the person that means the most to you.” But everyone here knows who means the most to you. “Why are we playing truth or dare if everyone’s just gonna be kissing each other anyway.” You deflect with a false laugh, but all the girl does is shrug. “Dunno—still a dare though, isn't it?” You weigh your options. If you did decide to kiss Yeonjun, you’re pretty sure your friendship would be over. If you flee, you’ll not only become virgin-coward-of-the-year, but it’d still be pretty obvious why you ran away.

But you, in your semi-intoxicated and pressured mind, decide on the third option: Kiss Soobin. He stutters when he feels your lips on his, his hands shooting up in response. You contemplate ending your life there and then, but are surprised when he reciprocates by grabbing your waist and deepening the kiss. Soobin threads his tongue through your mouth and moves his fingers up to your face, cupping the cheeks. He’s warm and sweet and sends tingles all over your body—it’s only when you need to breathe that you separate from him, panting. Though your eyes are still locked into his, you can gauge the reaction of those around you through your peripheral vision: utter shock. It’s this realization that makes you whip your head to none other than Yeonjun, who gets up to tug you with him. “Okay, that’s enough. You’ve hit your limit and we need to get you home.” The group’s protests and boos go in one ear and out the other, as you’re dragged by the arm out onto the porch. Agitated, you shove him away. “What’s your problem? You’re the one who made me go to this stupid party.”

“You’re kissing strangers, get yourself together.” You look at him incredulously. “Soobin is not a stranger, he’s your best friend.”

“He’s a stranger to you. How could you even say he means the most to you when it's so obviously me?” Turning away from him, you hand your head up into the sky. “How full of yourself—and where was this concern during the parties where you left me alone? You didn’t even bring me home half of the time, Soobin did.” “Is that what this is about? You’re getting back at me for that?” You groan, rubbing your hands across your face. “It’s not that–” “Is it payback because I didn’t kiss you?” Laughing in astonishment, you point an accusatory finger at him. “You narcissistic asshole! Not everything's about you! Why would I be jealous of that?” The smug look on his face is nearly enough to send you over the edge, but his next words solidify it. “Because you’re in love with me.” You hide your guilt with a look of repulsion, expressions eerily similar to one another. “Now why would I fall in love with an egocentric, reckless, douchebag?” You spoke, tone dim and low. “Why are we even friends when all you’ve done is disregard my feelings to fit in with your standards?” Yeonjun buries his face in his hands, muttering. “It's because our parents forced us to. I try so hard to make you feel included, to invite you to everything;” He pauses, narrowing his eyes at you, “But you always wallow in your own sadness and loneliness that you don’t even fucking try.” You scoff, “Try? I’ve done nothing but try ever since you decided you were too cool to hang out with me in highschool.” Crossing your arms, you keep your gaze pinned to the ground and sway back and forth. “I’m fine the way I am. The truth is, you don’t accept me for me. Why would I make the effort?” Now he scoffs, forcing you to face him. “That’s how the world works, you can’t sit in solitude for the rest of your life. I’m helping you when the time comes that you’ll need to make that effort and I won’t be around to do it for you.” His words linger in the air for a few seconds. Deep down, you knew that neither of you would keep in touch if it weren't for academics and proximity. You’d become jaded by reaching out, and Yeonjun would get tired of responding. Solemnly, you turn your head up with your eyes closed. “I don’t need you to babysit me. Just fuck off and leave already.” His lips part in hurt and shock, unsure of what to say. “I don’t need your bullshit either.” He spits. “How could someone like me? How could anyone fall in love with someone as close-minded and pessimistic as you?”

He stomps off into his car, leaving you alone with your thoughts as the trees sway and the wind howls. There’s not a single star in the sky, and all you can do is sit on the stairs of the porch as crickets chirp and the house muffles the boom of the soundsystem.

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02chois · 2 years ago

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Anyway he's so bf :(( he's so cute... precious soob 🤲🏻

#head empty only soobin #I'll be sleeping now #have to study early sigh #soobs ★

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apeachty · 3 months ago

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₊ ˚ ⊹ ♡ . ⠀not what you need

⠀⠀⠀yeonjun x fem!reader

genre ; hurt/comfort and suggestive (??)

warnings | tags ; mentions of spanking, choking and dumbification as something regular, but it's not happening here; needy reader but in an entirely wrong way; baby/darling (of course) and "dummy" in the past; yeonjun is—ehh— "i know what you need better than you do" kind of guy here, but he does know better?..

no sex happening here (where it does in my writing tho except soobin's b-day fic...), but better safe than sorry when it comes to mdni, i suppose.

wordcount ; 1.2k

✉ notes ; idk... kinda self-insert-ish once again, and yeonjun might be ooc, but tbh i wrote him the way i see him but, yeah, idk... and i don't even know how to tag it, gosh...

⠀⠀⠀[ masterlist is here ]

the day was shitty. it wasn't even something specific; it was just shitty in general. by the end of the day, you felt drained, exhausted, and empty.

it felt like your brain had built walls around your emotions, trying to push you through the day without breaking down in front of coworkers or while choosing freaking apples at the grocery store. and now, when you were finally safe at home, the walls just refused to disappear, leaving you in apathy toward everything.

you wanted the damn walls to come down, and only one thing would do it—feeling something, preferably something strong. happiness and rapture obviously weren't options, but anger or pain would suffice.

so when yeonjun finally came home, you were all over him in a second, not even letting him take off his jacket and shoes. instead, you were quick to unbutton his coat, pushing it away from his shoulders, your lips not leaving his cold neck for even a second.

"someone's eager today," he chuckled, moving away from you to take his shoes off. your body chased his subconsciously, not wanting to be separated from him even for a second. "be patient, baby. i'll give you what you need," he looked up at you as he crouched down to untie the shoes, sending you a small smirk.

the second yeonjun was finally done with his shoes, straightening up, you were all over him again, hands already trying to unzip his hoodie. "you're so slow," you whined into his neck, fingers tugging the pull sharply, the stupid slider stuck and not moving lower.

"baby, i only just untied my shoes—"

you groaned softly. stupid hoodie not unzipping, and now yeonjun's words. "use your feet to take it off," you mumbled, hands already moving to the hem of the hoodie, wanting to pull it over his head, as he discarded his shoes.

"so impatient," he murmured before crouching down a bit to grab your thighs and lift you as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "good girl," he pecked your neck, as you wrapped your legs around his waist too, and carried you to the living room, sitting on the couch with you on his lap.

the moment you were seated safely and didn't have to hold on anymore, your hands were on his belt, fidgeting with a buckle clumsily and impatiently. yeonjun's cold hands covered yours to help you, and he realized they hadn't even warmed yet with how fast you clung to him.

"baby, my hands are still cold," yeonjun murmured, pressing lips to your cheek and moving his hands away from your skin, putting it on your waist that was covered by a hoodie.

you, as you finally won in the unfair fight with a buckle, pulling the strap out, only mumbled, "for the better," not wanting to lose any time.

yeonjun tilted his head looking at you questioningly. you being needy wasn't a rare occurrence, and he loved when you were all over him the moment the front door closed (sometimes even before that), but something was wrong that time. you got too pushy, too impatient even for you, and the way you were showing it was different from usual.

he didn't say anything though, letting you do you thing while waiting for his hands to get at least a bit warmer. maybe you were just ovulating, and your mind was full of something dirty for the whole day?.. and maybe you just wanted to try some temperature play too?

yeonjun lowered his hand between your legs, gently caressing the fabric, but he stopped the second his fingertips touched it properly, though. you were supposed to be dripping already, even before he came home judging by how you reacted to him, but you weren't. not even wet. he pulled his hand away, fingers wrapping around your wrists, holding it away from his crotch.

"what's with you?" he asked, no hint of arousal in his voice anymore, his fingers tightening around your wrists as you tried to shake his hand off, refusing to answer. "no. what's wrong?"

he's not pleased, you realized. if i push just a little bit, if i'm a brat for a bit more, he'd just snap, and that's what i need. you tried to tear your wrists away from his hold, just to make him more annoyed.

yeonjun took a deep breath to calm his voice before asking. "how you expected it to work if you're not wet?" he brushed your skin with his thumb gently, and the softness of his touch made you drop your act for a moment, before trying to tug your hands away again, but the tiny shift didn't go unnoticed by yeonjun. "baby, you're not aroused," he said softer, another hand cupping your cheek.

you tried not to let his softness affect you, grinding yourself against his crotch, lips attaching to his neck, you didn't need hands for both, he can hold it all he wants. you knew he wanted you to stop, and when you were a little brat, disobeying him, he went rough, so he had no choice but to put you in your place. maybe spank you or at least grab your neck and tell you to behave like he usually does.

but yeonjun knew so much better. you weren't a brat right now. you would be dripping if you were, but no. he still couldn't get his head around what was happening with you, but it wasn't need or arousal in any way, so he let your wrists go and wrapped his arms around your middle, careful not to touch any exposed skin.

"tell me about your day, darling," yeonjun whispered, turning his head to nuzzle his nose against your cheek. "i missed your voice so much," he lifted his hand to the back of your head, holding it on his shoulder and caressing your hair with his thumb. "talk to me?"

you paused all your moves, feeling a lump in your throat. he was too soft, too gentle, that's not how it was supposed to be, not what you wanted, not what he said he'd do.

"you said you'd give me what i want," you mumbled, hands gripping the hem of his still unzipped hoodie. "when you came home, you said you would."

he chuckled, feeling your act falling, hearing it in your voice. "i said that i'd give you what you need, not want," he rubbed the tip of his nose against your cheek again. "and you don't need me to fuck you to forget about the day. we've been there, baby, haven't we?"

your lips started to quiver, and you didn't trust your voice to respond, so you just nodded. he was right, because you've been there, he tried to fuck the bad day out of you once, and it only made you feel worse after he praised you for being "his cute little dummy", which usually doesn't make you cry in that way in the middle of being pounded into the bed.

"right, we have," he said softly, hugging you a bit tighter and smiling as he felt you hesitantly wrap your arms around his neck, sniffling into his shoulder quietly. "so i'm ordering take-out, choosing some drama—does 'mr. queen' sound good for you?" he turned his head to look at you a little better, but you hid your face in his neck as you felt that you were going to start sobbing soon, and just nodded. "great. and you cry everything out while we're waiting for the food to arrive. and when it does, we cuddle and watch the drama."

"i'm sorry," you mumbled into his shoulder between quiet sobs, making him wrap his arms around you tighter.

"it's fine, baby. you were just confused."

note ; okay, 'mr. queen' is a gem. i haven't watched many k-dramas (maybe a dozen?..), but it was just the best one i've watched. i love the lead actress, and i have a special spot in my heart for the lead actor because i managed to fall for his charisma twice not realizing it's the same person lol

and when i only started staning txt, temptation era yeonjun reminded me of him and sometimes still does for like a moment, and sometimes i'm even upset the magic disappeared and i barely see any resemblance anymore

#[ yeonjun x reader ]#[ by me ]#[ writing ]#txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #[ peachy's jjun ]

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miupow · 6 months ago

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soobin and somnophilia!😵‍💫 (CONSENSUAL OFC)

𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 ‘24 ── 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 + 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐎

𝜗𝜚 ㅤ― 󠀬󠀬[ minors do not interact! ] choi soobin x fem!reader , marriage au , pregnant!reader , parent au , slight sub!soobin , somnophilia , breast play , breeding/impreg kink , cowgirl , unprotected sex , dirty talk , talks of pregnancy and hormones

a/n ⸝⸝ did i make this kinktober request growing pains pt 2? yes. yes i did.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

it didn't take very long after having the twins for soobin to get you pregnant agan. now only pregnant with just one baby, you're amazed by how different you feel now than you did during your pregnancy with the twins. you have so much more energy, able to get around better without aching joints and a giant swollen belly getting in the way. however, your newfound energy comes with a great cost— you’re now perpetually horny, pussy dripping wet constantly, desperate for your husband’s cock and cum. the hormones from your pregnancy have turned you into an insatiable cockslut.

you wake up with your cunt throbbing, your delicious wet dream cut short right before the best part. while your husband slept soundly next to you, in your dreams he was fucking you so tenderly, big thick cock hitting the deepest, sweetest spots inside of you. you had been reaching your climax, begging for soobin to breed you full… but your eyes had opened before you could get what you wanted.

you’re so aroused that it’s difficult to think straight, rubbing your thighs together underneath the covers… you’ll never be able to go back to sleep like this. without hesitation, you throw back the blankets and clamber on top of your sleeping husband. you have some embarrassing difficultly straddling soobin’s hips, round belly throwing off your balance, and your heavy weight squirming and shifting on top of him quickly wakes him up.

“b…baby?” soobin croaks, blinking away the sleep from his eyes, his deep voice gravely. “what’re you doing…?”

slowly his drowsy eyes focus , taking in the sight of you dragging your bare wet pussy over the growing tent in his sweatpants. his hips respond immediately, bucking up against your core— you can feel his cock throb through the thin fabric, shaft twitching as all of his blood rushes from his sleepy little head to his crotch.

“oh, fuck bunny… right now? its like three in the morning…”

“please, binnie,” you plead, grinding your hips down desperately. “i need you so bad it hurts. feels so empty…”

you shuffle to tug his sweatpants down his thighs, soobin’s cock slapping up against his belly obscenely; he gasps from the cold air against his heated skin, his bulbous mushroom head leaking pearly precum already. the sight makes your mouth water, dying to taste the saltiness on your tongue, but you can’t let yourself get distracted. you need him in your pussy now.

“we’re gonna wake up the babies,” soobin whimpers as you sink down on his cock, inch by thick throbbing inch filling you up just how you needed. your swollen belly and tits jiggle as you begin to bounce in it, fat breasts falling out of your little nightgown— soobin immediately reaches out to cup them, rubbing and twiddling your puffy nipples, your breathless giggle turning into a low moan.

“i’ll be quiet, i promise,” you whisper back, the wet sounds of sex deafening to you among the silence. “can you be quiet?”

“m-maybe,” soobin bites down hard on his lips to stifle the cute pathetic whines already starting to build at the back of his throat— you heavily doubt that soobin could ever keep quiet, your sweet husband so loud when he feels good… you need this cock like your life depends on it, but you can not have him waking up the twins and ruining everything…

you clasp your hand over soobin’s mouth, watching with glee as his eyes grow wide; the moan he lets out would have been loud enough to wake the neighbors if you hadn’t muffled it for him. “here, i’ll do it for you. just let me use you, okay binnie? you put this baby in me, now you gotta deal with the consequences...”

#txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt smut #txt x reader #soobin hard thoughts #soobin hard hours #soobin smut #soobin x reader

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delugyu · 1 month ago

Text

cold, cursed city (part 2)

summary: You wish your best friend would just leave your budding relationship alone.

pairings: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader

word count: 26k

tags: ANGST, smut (MDNI), best friend and roommate!beomgyu, crush!soobin, possessiveness, manipulation, arguments, very bad reckless dumb decisions, codependency, beomgyu gets a bit crazy

smut tags: multiple smut scenes yet again sigh, switch!gyu, switch!reader, handjob, masturbation, fingering, squirting lollll, praise, degradation, pet names (puppy, baby, etc), overstimulation, edging, dacryphilia, mind breaking kinda, utilization of a mirror, some pussy slapping, dubcon!! please beware!

notes: the smut here is so depravedddjshjshdjdjhs 😭 mind the angst in all caps btw… don’t get too mad at me LMAO. this is the final part btw! enjoyyyy<3

Being home feels so awkward now. You feel like you have to avoid Beomgyu, and that’s something you never would have imagined. You wonder if there’s any going back now in your friendship. Will it ever be normal again? It will take some time, you think, but you don’t doubt it. You can’t doubt it. It’s just that you need some time right now.

A part of you is thankful that he leaves you alone. It reprieves you of the constant guilt you were battling with, and you can talk to Soobin without feeling like a liar. Another part of you is terrified that he’s leaving you alone. It’s so unlike him to not be clingy and talkative. You wonder what he’s been going through these past few days.

You don’t even eat dinner together anymore. When you get home from work, you grab something quick to eat and go to your room as soon as you’re finished. The only times you’ve seen Beomgyu since your last conversation is in passing, when you see his figure walk down the hall or pop back into his room.

You really hope he’s okay. You can’t stand to dwell on it too much, obsessing over how he might be dealing with this. Maybe it’s been easy for him. Honestly, he probably needed this too. He must have been going insane the same way you were in his attempts to keep you to himself.

But you do miss him. You miss him when you’re sitting at the table, staring at an empty chair across from you. You miss him when you’re wiping off your makeup, looking for his presence behind you in the mirror. You miss him when you’re laying in bed, watching a movie on your laptop all alone. You miss him a lot.

You’re getting ready for work, staring blankly at yourself in the mirror as you fix your hair. You don’t really have anything to look forward to today. You’re not seeing Soobin after work, Chaewon’s been busy all week, and Beomgyu’s not talking to you. Maybe you’ll invite one of your other friends to hang out later. You hate feeling so lonely.

You grab your purse and head to the kitchen, opening a breakfast bar to eat before you put on your jacket and shoes. You’re about to head out, but a small bright-colored paper on your fridge catches your attention. That wasn’t there last night. You step closer to the fridge and lean in to read the post-it note.

Won’t be back till late tonight. Also eat up the fruits they’re gonna go bad!

Huh, you wonder why he didn’t just text you that. You take the note off the fridge and fold it neatly into your pocket. Your hand is wrapped around it for the whole duration of your walk to work.

When you get back home, you already know what you’ll eat for dinner. You feel a little happier than you have been the past few days as you bite down on the fruits, feeling giddy at the smallest hint of reconnection with Beomgyu. Not talking to him for so long was taking a toll on you.

After you finish cleaning up, you decide to write Beomgyu a note too.

Fruit is all done. Mission accomplished

With a satisfied smile, you stick the post-it on the same spot Beomgyu put his. Maybe a part of you hopes he’ll hang onto it the same way you did with his.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Beomgyu normally isn’t awake when you leave for work; today, he is. You stop in your tracks for a second when you see him sitting at the table, resting his head on his arms. You consider stepping into the bathroom to give him time to run off to his room, but decide against it when he looks at you with brightened eyes.

“Good morning,” he says when you finally enter the kitchen. You give him a small smile.

“You’re up early,” you note as you grab something quick for breakfast. You keep your distance, standing at the counter even if you yearn to leap into the seat across from him.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he explains simply.

“About what?” You keep your guard up.

“Anything,” he says. “I just miss talking to you.” Your standoffish demeanor melts, and your eyes soften. You know how he feels.

“Me too.” You finally move into your seat, excited to finally see something besides an empty chair when you eat here. “What have you been up to recently?”

He shrugs. “Playing games. Sitting in my room. Working. What about you?”

“Pretty much nothing,” you answer. While a part of the conversation does feel weird, seeing as you’re trying to reconnect with your literal best friend, it doesn’t feel stiff or awkward. You’re more happy than anything to hear his voice again. It’s been a long few days.

“We need to do more with our lives,” Beomgyu laughs. It feels good to see a smile on his face again.

“No literally, my screen time this week is embarrassing. Netflix has seen me more than you have in the past five days.” You mean it as a lighthearted joke, but Beomgyu only frowns a little at that. He looks away for a few seconds, then back at you with a gleam in his eyes.

“Why don’t we do a movie night tonight then?” he offers. You light up at his suggestion.

“Yes! I’ll pick up some take-out for dinner too.” You clasp your hands in excitement. A semblance of normalcy is coming back to you, and it tastes so sweet.

“I’m so happy,” Beomgyu says, and it shows on his face. You resist the urge to pat his head at how cute he is.

“Me too.” You get up from your chair and throw out your trash. “I’ve gotta head out now,” you announce, looking at the time.

“Okay, have fun at work!” You feel his stare on you as you gather all your things and move towards the door.

“Thanks, I’ll try,” you say before heading out.

Work feels less stressful today. You don’t feel as frustrated at your little mistakes as you have been recently. You talk to your coworkers a little more than usual at lunch, and you even offer to help on an overdue project for the company, feeling more generous than usual.

As you walk back home, take-out bag in hand, you find yourself feeling foolish for ever worrying that you and Beomgyu couldn’t go back to normal. It was so easy to fall back into this, it’s as if it was second nature. As long as Beomgyu knows not to cross the line, this night will prove that you made the right choice. See, you can have both Soobin and Beomgyu in your life.

Your phone buzzes, and you fish it out of your pocket to check the notification. It’s a text from Soobin.

[Soobin] Hey, if you’re not busy do you want to grab dinner?

You pout, hating to have to reject him.

Omg I literally just got food :(

[Soobin] That’s okay!

[Soobin] There’s always tomorrow

Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling. Today is going so well, you almost can’t believe it. Finally, finally you get a day like this, where the world is kind to you again. Suddenly you find yourself more grateful for all the people you have in your life.

Tomorrow it is then!!

Beomgyu’s already sitting on the couch when you enter your apartment. You quickly take off your shoes and jacket so you can dash to your spot next to him, placing the take-out bag on the table in front of you.

“Hiii,” you greet while pulling a blanket into your lap.

“You’re finally back,” he says, smiling. You get yourself cozy as Beomgyu rips open the take-out bag, pulling out all the food.

“Yeah, I stayed a little longer to help with a few extra things.” You grab the remote to start scrolling through movie options. “What do you feel like watching?”

Beomgyu hums in thought. “Something scary?”

“That’s more for autumn, though,” you say. You start scrolling through some comedy movies instead. Those are always fun to watch with Beomgyu.

“Why’d you ask me what I want to watch then?” he laughs. You hold back your smile and whack his shoulder with the remote. He pouts at you in faux hurt as he places a hand over the impacted spot.

“Same reason you ask me what I want for dinner.” You scroll past a bunch of movies, trying to find one you haven’t seen that actually looks interesting. It’s a difficult task when you and Beomgyu have already watched so many movies together.

“It’s gonna take longer to find a movie than it is to watch one,” Beomgyu complains through a mouthful of food.

“Ew, finish chewing.” You keep your eyes on the screen, but you see him snicker in your peripheral. You finally land on a movie that sounds compelling, turning to Beomgyu to gauge his reaction.

He nods. “This one’s good.” You click on it and turn up the volume, then abandon the remote in favor of grabbing some food.

It feels just like a movie night a month ago would have felt. You fill the air with laughter and banter, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The only difference this time is that when you finish eating, you don’t cuddle into Beomgyu’s side. You have to be more mindful of keeping space between you now.

You laugh so hard at one point that you have to pause the movie to catch your breath and wipe your tears. “Oh my god, this was so needed,” you say to Beomgyu, still fighting off the last of your laughter.

“It literally was,” he agrees. “The past few days were legit the worst of my life.”

Your laughter finally dies when you hear that. “The worst? Why?”

Beomgyu laughs a little, but it doesn’t sound genuine. “I was scared that you hated me now.”

You turn your head to Beomgyu, but he doesn’t look back at you. God, did he seriously think that? You would never hate him. A weight falls onto your shoulders, and your heart aches.

“Well, don’t think like that ever again,” you say. He finally looks at you. You channel all your sincerity into your gaze. “Even if I’m mad at you, I still love you. You’re my best friend.”

It takes a second for him to react. He gives you a small smile that looks awfully forced, then looks down at his lap. “I love you too,” he says. You don’t want to ruminate on how weird that felt, so you take the remote to resume the movie.

“Back to watching,” you say, leaning back into the couch.

Once you finish the movie, Beomgyu helps you clean the mess on the table, and the light mood persists. You’re glad that you didn’t ruin your friendship with Beomgyu, cause you only feel this comfortable and at ease with a select few people. When you go to bed, you almost cry thinking about your day. You knew that you were having a hard time, but you didn’t realize how hard it was until you got a slice of your normal life back.

A feeling aside from happiness grows in your chest too, something more reflective: you feel proud of yourself. It was hard setting your boundaries with Beomgyu, but you’re so glad you did. Even this one day serves as evidence that you made the right choice.

You can barely fall asleep because you’re so happy, but you have work tomorrow, so you force your eyes shut and wait impatiently to see what the day brings.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

“How have you been?” Soobin asks as you seat yourself in front of him. The restaurant he chose is a warm, cozy one, which is a relief. You were worried that he might pick somewhere too fancy, because you had no time to change out of your office attire.

“I’ve actually been pretty good, how about you?” You’ve been looking forward to talking to Soobin again. Ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend, you’ve been itching to feel ready for the label. You won’t force it upon yourself, but you know you’ll be there soon. You’re once again reminded of how lucky you are that Soobin’s willing to wait for you.

“I’m good too,” he answers. You love his smile, you hope he never stops giving it to you. The two of you catch up a bit on life, talking about work and friends. He seems to have been busy this week.

The food at the restaurant is great, but that’s no surprise because Soobin always knows the best places in the city. The night passes quickly, and you find yourself walking back home all too soon. He accompanies you when you ask him to walk you to your apartment. You blamed it on how late it is, but it’s actually because you want more time with him.

“Are you free on Saturday?” Soobin asks, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“For you, yes. What do you have in mind?” You want to hold his hand so bad, but you don’t know if you’re at that stage yet. You crave the weight of his hand in your own, swinging between the two of you. You want to lean into his side and engulf yourself in the brewing romance.

“I was wondering if you’d like to meet my friends? I’ve been talking about you a lot, and I know I promised you I’d introduce them.”

You light up at that, making sure to look up at him so he sees your grin. “That would be so fun.”

You’re thrilled at the idea that he talks about you with his friends a lot. Whew. Good thing you’re already outside, cause you need the fresh air. He’s everything you could ask for in a man.

“We’d be meeting at my place if that’s okay,” he says, sounding a little shy as he brings it up. You can’t hold yourself back now—you grab his hand and squeeze it excitedly.

“Of course! I’m dying to see your home. And your friends.” You can imagine the nerdy little decorations he might have lying around his place. You’d let him ramble about each and every little trinket for hours on end if he wanted to.

You’ve arrived at your street all too soon, finding yourself wanting to slow your steps to get a little more time with Soobin. “Thank you for taking me out today,” you say as you see your apartment come into view. You stop walking so that you can fully turn your body toward him. You just want one last good look before you’re off.

“Thanks for giving me the time,” he responds. His warm, sincere words always find the right way to strike your heart.

“I’ll see you Saturday, then.” You send him a parting smile, backing up a couple steps. “Good night, Soobin.”

“Good night.”

As you walk away, you have a revelation. Your body aches to run back to him, you feel like you’re missing something and you can’t quite end the night yet. There’s something that leaves you feeling only half fulfilled. There’s something more you crave.

You wanted to kiss Soobin. Your wish is left ungranted, lips tingling with the feeling of what could have been.

Your feet pause for just a second when the realization hits you again. You wanted to kiss Soobin. You wanted to feel his arms around you, wrapped in a hug that meant more than just a hug. You wanted to hold his face in your hands, feel the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. You wanted to kiss him.

Oh, your poor heart. Where do you store all this longing?

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Saturday comes faster than you anticipate. You change into outfit after outfit, trying to find the perfect thing to wear. You don’t want to over dress, but you don’t want to look like you don’t care at all either. What do you even wear to a get together for a friend group you don’t know?

You settle on a cute dress that you bought while shopping with Chaewon some time ago. It’s modest enough to wear casually, but pretty enough to make you feel confident in it. You’ll have to wear tights to save your legs from the cold, but that’s okay. You move to your vanity so you can do your hair, looking at yourself in every angle in the mirror.

“Where are you headed?” The sudden voice startles you, and you turn around to see Beomgyu standing by your door. You didn’t even notice him enter your room. You wonder how long he’s been there.

You look back in the mirror, fixing your hair. “Just meeting some people,” you answer. Beomgyu steps closer to you, only stopping once there’s just a few inches separating you. You look at him through the mirror. His eyes trail down your body.

“Well, you look pretty.” He fixes the strap of your dress on your shoulder.

Your face heats up, and you forget what you were about to do. “Thank you.”

His hand trails down your arm and stops at your elbow, rubbing your skin. “Won’t you be cold?”

“I have a jacket. Plus, I’ll be indoors,” you answer.

He hums and nods. “Are you coming back tonight?”

“I think so. If not, then I’ll be at Soobin’s place.”

For the first time, Beomgyu has the decency to not make a face when you bring up Soobin. Instead, he looks away and lets out a heavy exhale. Well, improvement is improvement. You’ll take it.

“Who else will be there?” he asks.

“Some of his friends.” You see him tense a bit at your side from the information. A slight unease fills you, but you don’t let it consume your mood. Tonight will be fun. You can’t let anything ruin it already.

“Are they all guys?”

You pause for a second in thought. “I’m not sure.”

He looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. “So you’re going to his place with a bunch of random guys?”

You pucker your lips and look down, feeling like you’re getting scolded. Was this a bad decision? Maybe you should have done this at a public place. Beomgyu’s words worry you. Soobin’s not that kind of guy, though, and you’re sure his friends are just as great as he is. He’s thoughtful and always concerned about your feelings. You shouldn’t be nervous.

“I trust him,” you say, making Beomgyu scoff. “Gyu, please.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just… worried.” He meets your eyes in the mirror. He really does look worried. You realize that maybe it’s not selfishness driving his words this time, not the need to keep you to himself, but the need to make sure you’re safe. Your heart softens at that.

“I’ll be okay,” you promise, giving him a small smile. “I’ll call you if anything goes wrong.” He nods and stays quiet for a second.

“Where does he live?” Beomgyu asks. You freeze at his question, but he’s quick to explain, “So I know where to go if something happens.”

He means well, you’re sure, but you’re still wary about giving him Soobin’s address. Of course you understand his concern, but another part of you wonders what he’ll do with it if nothing happens. He doesn’t exactly have a great streak with Soobin.

Is this you being paranoid? You feel like you have a legitimate reason to be cautious, but you also feel bad for thinking about your best friend like he’s some freak that’ll show up to Soobin’s house for no reason.

“I’ll just share my location if it comes to that.” You hope he doesn’t feel offended.

“Let me walk you to his place at least,” Beomgyu pleads. You sigh, trying not to look at him and focusing on your appearance instead.

“Don’t be so worried. I’ll be back by ten. Does that make you happier?”

He doesn’t hide his smile. “You know it does. You should watch me play League when you get back.”

You roll your eyes. “Watch you get it on with your one true love?”

“Weirdo. I love more things than just League.”

“Like Overwatch?” That earns you a smack to the back of your head. “Hey! Careful with my hair!”

You catch a glimpse of the time when your phone lights up, and you realize you’ve been taking too long to get ready. Why does time only fly in the most inconvenient moments? You take one final glance at yourself, ignoring Beomgyu’s frame in the mirror beside you.

“You sure you don’t need me to walk you there?” Beomgyu asks. You turn to him with a smile, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to not go up and loop your hands around his neck. You can’t help but feel endeared by his cuteness. You stay quiet for a few seconds just to look into his eyes.

“I’m sure,” you finally answer. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” Beomgyu sits on your bed, and you wonder if that’s where he plans on staying while you’re out.

“Be safe,” he says as you’re heading out of your room.

You look over your shoulder with a grin. “No promises!” The flash of fear on his face makes you laugh. “I’m just kidding!”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You gather your breath as you stand before Soobin’s door, not wanting to knock until you’ve fully collected yourself. Your heart races in anticipation—well, also because you walked twice as fast as usual to get here, but mostly anticipation. Soobin seemed to get along with your friends, so you can assume that his friends should get along just fine with you too.

Finally, you tap your knuckles against the door, swaying on your feet as you wait for Soobin to emerge. It’s cold outside, the kind of cold where your breath fogs up with even the tiniest exhale, so you hope he’s quick to answer your knock.

You give Soobin a hug as soon as he opens the door. Part of it is to feed off some of his warmth, but most of it is because you’re excited to see him. His arms wrap around you to hold you close to him, and he doesn’t let go until you do.

“Are your friends here yet?” you ask when you pull away.

“Yes, they’re in the living room,” he answers. “Did you want a drink or anything?”

You shake your head. You’re too impatient to see his friends, wondering what kind of people he hangs out with. You follow him into the living room, and your eyes immediately fall on the two boys on the couch. It makes sense that his friend group is on the smaller side. They must be very close.

You wave and introduce yourself to his friends cheerfully. They do the same, and you learn that his friends are named Taehyun and Kai. Kai seems just as shy and endearingly awkward as Soobin, but Taehyun is pretty quick to open up to you. You find yourself talking to him a lot. You’re glad that you’re not the only chatty person here.

“So how’d you guys meet?” you eventually ask them, interested in how their friend group formed. The question makes Kai and Soobin laugh.

“I was friends with both of them before they knew each other,” Taehyun starts, leaning forward as he tells the story. “I had this match I wanted them to watch”—

“Match?” you interrupt, tilting your head.

“Yeah, I was really into boxing at the time.”

Your eyebrows shoot up at the information. That explains his muscular physique. You can’t imagine Soobin watching a boxing match, though. “Oh, boxing, wow.”

“Obviously I won the match, but that’s beside the point.”

“You did not win,” Soobin chimes in with an incredulous laugh.

“Yes I did! I literally won by knockout!” Taehyun defends.

“I still feel like the other guy got way more hits in than you,” Soobin says.

“I think you’re just still mad from what happened that night.” That piques your interest.

“Why? What happened?” you ask.

“He’s gonna tell it way more dramatically than it was,” Soobin warns.

“That’s probably true,” Kai chimes in.

“I’ll say exactly what happened,” Taehyun starts. “After my match, I went to Soobin and Kai, and we all got to talking. Eventually, I brought them to the practice rooms so I could show them some basic MMA moves.”

“After basically forcing us to!” Soobin exclaims. “I tried to say no!”

Taehyun starts laughing already, seemingly caught up in the memory. It puts a smile on your face as you wait for him to finish the story. “These guys start swinging with the weakest moves I’ve seen in my life,” he says through his laughter. “And I was trying to motivate them, but when I pushed the sandbag so it would swing toward Soobin, it hit him so hard it knocked him over.”

You cover your mouth with your hands, concealing your amusement and looking towards Soobin to gauge his reaction to the story. He wears a sheepish smile and leans his head down, rubbing his arm to ease his embarrassment. Taehyun’s still laughing his ass off when you look back at him.

Kai stands to Soobin’s defense, “He didn’t really get knocked over, he just stumbled back.”

“He did more than stumble back,” Taehyun says. “He had his arms swinging in circles to save himself and everything.” That image gets a chuckle out of you.

“So upon my first impression of Soobin, I could tell he was on the unathletic side. I kind of am too, though,” Kai says.

“Don’t worry, Soobin. I don’t think I’d fare any better in the MMA world,” you say.

“We can be the world class losers of boxing instead,” he jokes.

The night lives on with lots of laughter and snacks. You start playing card games at one point, to which they have to extensively explain the rules first, and you end up having more fun than you expected to have. Turns out you’re not too shabby of a Spades player.

Taehyun and Kai head out after a couple hours, saying goodbye to you and telling you that they hope to see you again soon. You actually enjoyed yourself a lot today, so you wouldn’t mind seeing them again either.

Once Soobin’s friends are out the door, it leaves just the two of you in his living room. You see Soobin yawning and stretching out in his chair. “Are you tired?” you ask. His sleepy nod makes you laugh a little.

“You can sleep on my bed if you want. I’ll take the couch,” Soobin offers. What a sweetheart. You must be smiling so stupidly, but you can’t help it. Your heart is a fickle thing.

“Thank you, but I promised Beomgyu I’d come back home tonight,” you say.

Soobin looks out the window. “It’s so dark out, though. And it’s freezing, your jacket won’t be enough. Your legs will be ice.”

“It’s okay, I’m good at handling the cold.” You aren’t really, but you don’t want him to worry. He frowns, looking down at your outfit.

“You didn’t have to dress up for me. I think you look pretty in everything. I’d love for you to dress warmly next time.” There’s a distinct hammering in your chest now. His compliment makes you weak in the knees.

He grabs your coat and delivers it to you. You thank him as you put it on, zipping it all the way up to prepare for the cold. You smile up at him in hopes that it eases his worries.

“Let me grab you a winter hat,” Soobin says, disappearing for a minute. He emerges once more with a beanie in hand, placing it on your head for you. “There. To keep your ears warm.”

“Thank you,” you say, looking down at yourself shyly. You’re not the type to get all flustered and quiet, but something about Soobin brings it out of you.

“Thanks for seeing me, and for meeting my friends.” You meet his eyes again when he says that.

“Of course. Today was fun,” you say. You stare at each other for a few long seconds as you linger by his door. You don’t really want to leave.

Soobin is every bit as handsome as ever, and suddenly it’s killing you that you’re not all over him. You want to grab his shoulders and pull him close, let your souls intertwine for just a few moments. You want to feel his breath on your face, you want his eyes on your lips and a yearning to stir inside him.

Your heart jumps, every thought in your head is filled with something about kissing Soobin. You’re so easily reduced to instincts when your mind is clouded like this. Your face is pulled by some unknown force closer and closer toward his face. Your eyelids flutter, and you tilt your head just slightly.

All to meet nothing.

“Not yet…” Soobin says, slowly retracting his face. You watch him back away from you, and the inches start to feel like miles. A sense of humiliation washes over you. Your face heats up. Why did you do that?

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking up at him apologetically. At least he doesn’t seem mad or upset—that would kill you.

He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be.” He presses his lips to your forehead. You reach for his hand, holding it so that you know he won’t try to leave. He accepts your touch easily, lacing your fingers together and staring into your eyes. There’s a warmth in there that makes you want to lean in and try to kiss him again, but your humility saves you from that.

“Can I ask, when will you be ready?” Your voice is meek, and a part of you almost fears his answer.

“Whenever you’re ready to call me your boyfriend,” he answers softly, simply. You nod, considering his words. Your gaze must be distant because you’re so deep in your thoughts, wondering if maybe you are ready now.

Does your heart stop at the idea of calling him yours because it entices you, or because it scares you? You don’t want to waste Soobin’s time standing here to contemplate it; you know you’re going to need more than a couple minutes to figure this out. No matter how much you want to, you can’t act on impulse with him—you want to foster a love that’s true and natural.

“I think I’ll have that answer soon,” you say.

“Don’t worry about it. You could take a year if you need.” His words are so effortless, and he really means it, which pushes your heart further towards a path alongside him.

“I’ll see you soon,” you say, blinking up at him sweetly with a small smile.

He squeezes your hands. “Soon can’t come soon enough.”

You giggle, then stand on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “As a goodbye present.” His blushing cheeks at your action serve as a goodbye present for you.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Something changed last night. Your mind can’t stray from Soobin for too long, wondering when you’ll see him next, what he’s doing right now, how his day has been. You feel a yearning unlike any kind you’ve felt before. Your girlish heart has become something weak, so prone to go haywire at the slightest thought of him.

More than anything else, you think of calling him yours. You think of how you’d be able to spend the night at his place, cuddling up to him and falling asleep in his arms. You think of how you could stare into his eyes and call him your boyfriend. You could lean in and kiss him whenever you wanted, you could let him call you sweet pet names.

You think you might be ready. You want to be Soobin’s girlfriend.

You’re freaking out, body buzzing as you pace around your room, waiting for Chaewon to pick up the phone.

“Heyyyyy,” her voice greets through the phone, and you finally stop pacing to focus on talking.

“I got huge Soobin news,” you say, getting straight to the point.

“Tell me!!!” she screeches.

“I think I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend next time I see him.” That earns you an even higher pitched screech.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m so excited! Oh my god. What happened?”

“I literally just can’t stop thinking about being in a relationship with him. It feels like I’m going through withdrawals whenever I’m not with him. He’s been wanting to put a label on us, but I’ve been pushing it off till now,” you explain.

“I’m so invested in this. You would be the cutest couple ever. I will gladly be your third wheel and take all your cute Instagram photos for you,” she rambles.

“So you think it’s a good idea?” Her approval is important to you, and you’re desperate for her to give you a little more confidence in this.

“Yes, do it. As long as you make me your maid of honor.”

You laugh, so relieved that Chaewon supports you in this. You hope Beomgyu takes it just as well, but of course that’s wishful thinking.

“What’s the right way to ask him? Should I be casual or go all out with some extravagant date night?” you ask.

“Come on, it’s you we’re talking about. Obviously you’re gonna go crazy with it.” You laugh because she’s totally right.

“I’m thinking a hotel by the sea and a rose petal path to the bed. And candles, like so many it’s a fire hazard.”

“Yes, and then those eat me panties,” she adds. You burst out laughing at the idea. “Body oil too probably.”

“Oh, you got the whole vision. You want me to record it for you too?” you tease.

“No need, I’ll be hiding in your suite’s closet.”

“Thrilling. I finally get to help you live out your voyeuristic dreams.”

“Right? It’s a win-win,” she says. “But anyway, how do you think Beomgyu’s gonna react?”

You hum in thought. “I don’t know, but we’ve pretty much gone back to normal over the past few days. He didn’t put up a huge fight when I went to Soobin’s last night.”

“Girl, hold up. You went to Soobin’s place?!”

“Yep.”

She’s quiet for a second. “Did he rock your world?” You smile and roll your eyes.

“We didn’t have sex, I just met his friends. They were very nice, by the way.”

She tsks. “I’m so mad, you missed out on such a perfect opportunity to sex him up.”

“Well, I’ll let you know when that happens.”

“Please do.”

“Anyway,” you say, getting back on track. “I’ll tell Beomgyu when he gets back from work. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he gets all annoying about it. It’s actually pissing me off just imagining it.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s not his life. You don’t even have to tell him,” Chaewon reasons.

“I mean, he’s my best friend, he should know. You and him are the two people I talk to about everything.”

“Yeah, but at this point you should be more focused on protecting your peace. What Beomgyu doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

You know that Beomgyu would find out eventually, though, and then he’d be even more mad at you for not saying something sooner. Any peace you’d have would be very temporary and delicate.

Chaewon starts up again, “I honestly think you should tell him after you make things official. That way he can’t stop you from doing it.”

You hold back a groan, not wanting to weigh out the options. “He’ll be so upset if I don’t tell him first,” you say.

“Still. He knows he can make you halt those plans, and I don’t want you getting hurt again.” You frown, but it softens you to hear how much Chaewon cares about your feelings.

“I’ve got a few hours until he comes back to decide,” you say.

“Just know that I’m one hundred percent team ‘don’t tell him’. Up to you, though.”

“I’ll let you know. Anyway, I’m gonna go now. Going to rehearse this conversation in my head.” Chaewon laughs and says her goodbye, then you hang up.

You drop onto your bed with a sigh. You hope Beomgyu can keep being normal about Soobin, and a part of you really thinks he can, but what if he hates you after this? He might decide he doesn’t want anything to do with you if you’re going to be in a relationship with a guy that he hates. (Hates for no reason, but that’s not something you choose to dwell on today.)

Beomgyu should understand why you want a love life. You crave a second half, someone who will mold you into a better person and navigate the rest of your life with you. Soobin can soften your rough edges. He’s got all the patience and goodness of heart that you need in someone. You want to know that a kind of love exists that you have not yet felt, something deeper and more colorful than anything you know. You want Soobin’s eyes to melt you each time you look into them, each time you think of them. Your heart has grown tired of just being a beating thing; it needs to be lit aflame, to burn for someone, to love so hard it doesn’t fear ruin.

Do you need Beomgyu’s permission for that? Is it as if he’s some guard to your heart? No, but the threat of conflict from his disapproval unnerves you. You try thinking of the best way to break the news to him.

Some long-winded explanation where you pour out your heart would probably irritate him most. You’ll have to keep yourself from going off on tangents—the more you say, the more ammunition he has against you. It’s not like you have to defend your decision to him.

If you’re too broad or dismissive about it, he’ll assume you don’t care or you’re hiding something. His accusations peeve you like nothing else, so the more you can avoid that, the better.

Realistically, his reaction doesn’t depend on your wording, for the most part. It depends on how mature he is about you getting a boyfriend. If he can’t handle the idea, then it won’t matter how you break the news, he’ll freak out no matter what. If he can accept that you can have other men in your life, then he won’t give you a hard time about this.

All you can do is hope for the better outcome. You pray that Beomgyu has learned his lesson in maturity by now.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

When you hear Beomgyu open the door, you rush down the hall to him. You’ve spent all day considering how to have the conversation about Soobin, and you’re excited to just get it over with now. The sooner this weight falls off your shoulders, the better.

“Hiii,” you greet as you watch him take off his coat and shoes.

“Hi. You hungry?” he asks. You shake your head.

“I had lunch an hour ago.” You notice he ordered food somewhere, which he just stuffs in the fridge.

“Do you wanna hang out with me and Yeonjun tomorrow night?” he asks. “We’re gonna watch some band perform at the common.”

“Depends how I feel after work.”

“Alright. You should definitely come though.” You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just don’t. You’ve got a different conversation on your mind anyway.

After a few seconds, Beomgyu starts walking off, but you call his name to stop him before he gets too far. He looks at you expectantly, raising his eyebrows.

“I wanted to talk about something,” you say. He remains still for a second, then carefully takes a few steps closer to you.

“Bad thing or good thing?” he asks.

You hesitate for a second. “Good thing.” You’re feeling nervous again, even though you know you shouldn’t be. Beomgyu’s been fine. He’ll survive if you tell him this.

“You don’t look like it’s a good thing,” he says. He must have caught on to your anxiety. Your fidgeting hands probably gave it away. You hold them behind your back so you stop fiddling with them. You breathe in as deeply as you can without making it too obvious that you’re calming your nerves.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to ask Soobin to be my boyfriend.”

You wait for a reaction. He blinks. Is that a good sign? He’s still breathing, too. Okay, so the news didn’t kill him at least.

“You’re asking him to be your boyfriend?” he repeats, as if he didn’t hear you right the first time.

Fuck, why is your heart pounding so hard? “Yes.”

He sighs and averts his gaze, looking around for a few awkward seconds. You tighten your lips, not really knowing what to do now.

“Your boyfriend?” he asks again.

You give him a curt nod. “Yep.”

You see it flash in his eyes then, something that brings you back to all those times he made your life so difficult. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to start feeling disappointed, that expression was more than enough.

“I tried backing off, but I just can’t do it anymore. You can’t do this,” he insists. Your head is going to explode. Not this again. Things were going so well.

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it,” you say, but you know he won’t listen.

“I can’t stand it. I hate thinking about how much you like him, how you kiss him, how he’s doing everything I could be doing,” he rambles.

“I’m not hearing this,” you dismiss as you start walking down the hall to your room. You feel Beomgyu’s presence loom behind you. He sure is determined. “Knock it off, Gyu.”

He pushes the door open when you try to close it, stepping in and facing your hard stare. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t back off. You feel inclined to be stubborn and stand your ground too.

“You want me to change? You want me to be more like him?” he asks. There’s something unhinged in his expression. It’s like he’s losing his grip on his sanity. Fear creeps up your spine, but it doesn’t overshadow your frustration.

“No, I like you the way you are,” you answer.

“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t need Soobin.” He sounds angry, you must have really bothered him this time. That’s okay. You’ll take this over his pity parties. It’s easier to fight fire with fire.

“I don’t need Soobin, I just like him,” you say.

“Then what’s wrong with me?” he counters. He’s really worked up this time, frustration radiating off of him.

“Nothing! You need to stop with this!” you exclaim. You’ve never had an argument like this with him, fueled by rage and nothing else. There’s no undertones of sadness or attempts to remain calm this time.

“Just tell me you hate me,” he says, stepping closer to you, invading your space. You meet his gaze, unwavering, even if you have to tilt your head up to challenge his stare.

“I don’t fucking hate you.” You cross your arms, not letting your guard down.

“Then prove it,” he says. You wonder if your eyes hold as much fire as his do right now. You refuse to back down. You refuse to lose this. He wants you to prove you don’t hate him? Fine.

You don’t let yourself think about it as you crash your lips onto his. You hold his head still, but it’s not like he was going to run away. He meets your lips with equal amounts passion and frustration. The kiss is nothing friendly or nice—it’s not soft and slow, not sweet, not the dreamlike kiss you’ve been waiting to have with Soobin. This feels less like a kiss and more like war.

You don’t hold yourself back, sucking and biting at his lips carelessly. Your fingers are pulling so hard at his hair that you know it has to hurt, but you don’t care. You hope it does. His hand is on your jaw, keeping you in place so he can lick into your mouth as he pleases.

You hope he tastes your anger on your lips. You hope your tongue feels bitter in his mouth, that it leaves burns in its wake. You hope this kiss will haunt him at night, that he’ll feel you lingering hours later, that he sees your face on his ceiling when he’s trying to fall asleep.

He can never settle for friendship. The simple life could have been so good if he accepted it. You were stupid to think he’d let things go back to normal and stay that way. You hate feeling so dumb. You hate being so easy.

“Is that what you fucking wanted?” you ask as you pull away from the kiss. You wipe your mouth to clear the saliva that collected there. He doesn’t answer, only pulling you in for another kiss, unforgiving and angry. Your teeth clash and he shoves his tongue into your mouth. He tangles his hands into your hair, pushing you deeper into the kiss.

You’ve never felt so angry at him in your life. You try to channel it all into the kiss, using more force than necessary. He should pay for doing this, for getting under your skin yet again.

He growls into your mouth—you guess he’s still angry too. Why should he be? You’re making out with him and no one else. If he wants to complain about that, then he must really be losing his mind.

You walk him backwards until he sits back on your bed, disconnecting your mouths so you can look down at him. His lips are swollen and coated with saliva. He’s hungry—starving—and can’t stand not touching you for even a second, so he grabs your hips and pulls you onto the bed with him.

There goes those walls you built up. There goes those weeks of putting in effort towards you and Soobin. You lose, again. Is this how it will always be with him? Was he playing the long game all along?

He knows you better than anyone. If anyone could figure out a way to set your life off course, it would be Beomgyu.

You have to get even with him. You have to stop taking everything lying down. You stare at him, who looks up at you like he’s waiting for your next move. Fucking prick. You’ll show him.

You shove his pants past his hips and pull his cock out to find him already fully hard. You’re not surprised. Precum oozes from his slit, leaking out on his tip. When you look up to see his face, he’s biting his lip in anticipation.

“Always need to have your fucking way, huh,” you say, squeezing the base of his cock. He throws his head back and moans, thrusting up into your fist. You let go of his dick to push his hips down with angry force. “Don’t you dare move.”

You spit into your hand and jerk his cock quickly, with little care as to how rough you are with him. You squeeze his length like you’re milking him, like you’re trying to get him to burst. If you can embarrass him and have him spilling all over himself in such a short amount of time, you’d feel on top of the world.

He’s thick and hot in your hand, but you don’t let it cloud your mind. You need to put him in his place. He doesn’t deserve a spot in the lustful crevices of your mind right now. This is about balancing the scale.

You keep your stare hard even as he cries and whimpers. You don’t let him see any reaction out of you, because the last thing you want is for him to take control of the situation again. At least like this, you feel like you’re not totally weak for him.

His hips jolt up and he gasps at your ministrations. He grabs onto your wrist, trying to pry you off.

“Behave,” your order, no room for compromise in your voice.

“Baby! Baby, stop, I’m gonna”—his sentence is cut off by a drawn-out moan. It’s like his body can’t decide whether to run away from your hand or rut into it.

“Fucking do it then,” you say through gritted teeth, fucking your fist over him faster. You spit onto his cock to lubricate it even more.

“No, not yet,” he pleads, breathing heavily. It’s cute watching him try to escape the feeling, but you won’t let him. You use your other hand to fondle his balls, and once you do that, he’s a goner. He’s spilling his seed onto your hand with his head thrown back and a loud cry. His hips stutter up into your fist, and his cock twitches in your hand. You feel a bit of a power high from that.

You slow down for only a few seconds before you’re pumping him wildly again. He looks at you with wide, helpless eyes. His body’s jolting with the shocks of overstimulation, and you can’t help but let out a laugh at that.

Beomgyu whimpers your name pathetically. His arms are shaking as they cling onto yours. You don’t relent, merciless as you try to coax another orgasm from him.

“It’s too much!” he cries, and you can even hear the shake in his voice.

“Take what I give you or I’ll leave,” you spit. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No! I can take it.” He pries his arms off you and keeps them at his sides, deciding he wants to be good and listen all of a sudden.

“That’s what I thought.” You twist your hand as it goes down on his length, squeezing harder. Your thumb swipes over his slit when it reaches the head of his cock. “Cum for me, dirty little puppy. Show me how filthy you are.”

As you command it, his orgasm crashes over him immediately. You watch in awe. It’s like he’s trained to follow your words. His hot cum lands on your hand yet again, and you continue jerking him until his high is over. You have to stop yourself from making him cum a third time, too addicted to his little sounds of pleasure.

“Thank you,” Beomgyu says breathlessly. You run your fingers through his hair with your clean hand.

“Looks like the dirty pup is good for something,” you coo condescendingly.

“I am good, let me show you. Sit on my face.” Before you can even respond, he’s already lying down and sticking his tongue out. You furrow your brows at his eagerness and decide to put his mouth to use a different way. Your cum-coated hand meets his tongue, and you let him lave at his mess all over you.

“Hm, guess your tongue is pretty good,” you say mindlessly as you watch him lick all his cum off you. When he finishes cleaning your hand, he sucks two of your fingers past his lips. You smirk and slowly fuck them in and out of his desperate mouth. He swirls his tongue around your digits, then licks up between them. He circles the tip of his tongue on the skin between your two fingers as if it was your clit. You wish it didn’t make your pussy throb.

You pull your fingers out of his mouth and spread them apart, admiring the strand of saliva that forms. You take off your bottoms and panties, and Beomgyu damn near starts panting in excitement.

“Yes, come sit on my face, let me taste your cunt,” he babbles, stars in his eyes. His excitement dies when your saliva-slickened fingers meet your core instead. You make sure he has a great view as you play with your pussy.

“You got me so nice and wet, thank you puppy.” Your voice is sweet, even if your motive is to torture him. You exaggerate your reactions to your touch, moaning extra loud when you circle your clit. Your other hand disappears under your shirt to play with your nipples. You bite your lip as you push your hips up into your hand.

Beomgyu sits up and watches you with a slackened jaw. He starts leaning in between your legs, and you push him away with a foot to his chest.

“Uh-uh, you can’t touch,” you tell him.

“But look! My fingers are longer and thicker than yours,” he says, holding out his hand. You roll your hips up into your hand, remembering the way his fingers felt inside you. You slip two fingers into your cunt to make up for the sudden emptiness you feel.

You fuck yourself with vigor, pistoning your fingers into you, putting on a good show for your best friend. You want him to think you’re not some weak girl who folds for his touch every time. Even though your body yearns for Beomgyu to take care of you, you have to make a point to him.

You get so lost in the feeling of your own fingers that you stop looking at Beomgyu, focusing entirely on the pleasure taking over. That was clearly a mistake, because suddenly you feel two of his fingers entering your pussy alongside your own. You cry out at the sensation, body shaking at the stretch.

It’s hard to move your hand now, but Beomgyu seems to find a way perfectly fine. “B-bad boy,” you scold, but your voice is so shaky that it holds no real bite. When he aims his fingers up, it forces your own to sit snug against your g-spot, resting there as Beomgyu jackhammers into you.

“See? Feels good,” he says. With his other hand, he rubs at your clit viciously, needing to please you more than you can please yourself. “This is so much better, right?”

Your body is buzzing, and you can’t even respond to him. Your mouth hangs open stupidly as he pulls moan after moan from you. A foreign pressure starts building inside of you, more intense than anything you’ve felt before. Your eyes widen and you try to pull your hips away, but Beomgyu’s determined.

“P-puppy, it feels different,” you manage to stutter out. His breath hitches and he connects his mouth to your inner thigh to kiss it. He doesn’t stop his ministrations—if anything, your words encourage him to go even harder.

“You’re gonna squirt for me?” he says with astonishment, and you feel his grin growing against your thigh. It’s blinding, the way the pleasure is consuming you. His hands are wild, working at you without mercy to bring you over the edge. It’s like he needs this more than you.

“I’m—nngh, oh god,” you stammer, body twitching away, but Beomgyu’s so desperate to see you fall apart that he doesn’t let you stray from the feeling for even a second. The pressure snaps and you cry out, legs kicking out as you release all over him. You feel your juices squirting out of you, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve been embarrassed at how much seems to leak out.

Beomgyu loves it, lapping up what spills onto his wrist and your thighs. You’re shaking uncontrollably, immediately pulling your hand from your center once Beomgyu draws back. You focus more on gathering your breath after that orgasm than on Beomgyu’s tongue licking every inch of your thighs.

You flinch when his tongue finds your pussy, too sensitive to take anymore. You push his head away and sit up, snapping your legs shut. He pouts, but sits up as well.

“Was that good?” he asks, biting down a smile. He leans in like he really wants to know your answer.

You press your palms into your eyes like you’re relieving a headache. Rationality comes back to you, but there’s no point in yelling at him now. You’re the one who shoved your hand down his pants.

“You really don’t want me dating Soobin, huh?” You feel more exhausted than angry now.

“I’ll do so much worse if you make him your boyfriend,” he says.

You blink at him. Is that some kind of threat? “What do you mean?”

“Just don’t be with him and you won’t have to find out.” You don’t have it in you to fight him. If it was this easy for you to fall back on your word and get intimate with Beomgyu again, you might as well hold off on the boyfriend label anyway. Maybe you weren’t as ready as you thought you were.

“You can leave my room now,” you say, leaning your head against your pillow. You’ll probably spend the next hour contemplating everything you’ve been through in the past month. He doesn’t need to be there for that.

“Nah.” He lays down beside you. You inhale slowly, gathering the control to not push him off the mattress.

“Whatever.” You’ll just have your mini crisis with him next to you. It doesn’t even matter.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

To your surprise, you don’t feel completely miserable the next day. Of course, you go throughout the day feeling awful about ruining your chance to be with Soobin any time soon and angry at yourself for touching Beomgyu again, but besides that you’re feeling normal.

You wish your work day would have lasted a little longer—something you never thought you’d hope for—because when you get home and see Beomgyu on the couch, you’re already feeling annoyed. You were doing so good before yesterday. Seeing him is just a reminder of how much you screwed up.

He seems as giddy as he could ever be when you approach him on the couch. You grab a blanket and curl yourself into his side wordlessly, just wanting his warmth. He accepts it gratefully, throwing an arm over you and getting you comfortable.

You can’t even really feel upset. You’re familiar with this cycle already: Beomgyu will bitch about Soobin to you, you’ll get each other off, you’ll argue some more, then you’ll hang out like nothing happened. You put yourself back in this situation, so you spare yourself the pity.

“I’m so glad we’re back to this. It was killing me to not hold you all those days,” Beomgyu says before pressing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I don’t want you to be upset anymore.”

“I’m not upset,” you say flatly.

“I want you to be happy. I’m really happy now.” You only hum in acknowledgement. You don’t really have anything to say to that.

Some time passes in which you and Beomgyu watch television, except you’re mostly going on your phone and Beomgyu’s halfway to falling asleep. You get a notification from Soobin, making you freeze for a moment.

[Soobin] We should meet up tonight if you’re available :)

Beomgyu reads the text over your shoulder. “You better not say yes.” You flinch and back away from him, clutching your phone to your chest.

“Why not?” you ask.

“Cause you said you’d go with me and Yeonjun to the concert!” he whines.

“I didn’t say I was gonna go with you and Yeonjun,” you counter. The entitlement is crazy.

“I asked you first though. If you feel fine enough to hang out with Soobin, why can’t you hang out with me?” he asks.

“What have we been doing for the past hour?”

“That doesn’t count! We live with each other, we have to hang out at home.”

“Wow, ungrateful. You should thank the universe for each second you get to spend with me, home or not.”

“I do. I can show you how grateful I am too, if you want.” You roll your eyes at his suggestion.

“I think I’m okay,” you say. When you lift your phone back up, Beomgyu takes it from your hand and tosses it gently onto the floor. You watch it land a few feet away from you. You don’t feel like getting up to grab it, so you let the device stay where it is. You settle with insulting him instead, “You suck.”

“I don’t want you to hang out with him tonight,” he complains with a pout. “I want my best friend.”

“Gyu, you’ll live.” What a flair for the dramatics he has.

“Just this once, please,” he begs. “You know you’re going to feel guilty and awkward hanging out with Soobin after what we did yesterday anyway.”

Shit. You hate it when he’s right.

You sigh, “Fine.” You’re enveloped in his embrace immediately, face smushed into his chest as he cheers in victory. “This better be the best band I see perform in my life.”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The concert is pretty mediocre. The band consists of some grungy college-aged boys who sing about being depressed and cheating on girls. Not quite your music of choice, but you enjoy your time as much as you can nonetheless.

Beomgyu’s arm stays slumped over your shoulders pretty much the entire time. For warmth reasons, you don’t complain, but it is pretty embarrassing to see Yeonjun looking at the two of you weirdly from time to time. He must be able to sense that something’s off between you.

Beomgyu splits off at some point to buy a water bottle somewhere, and you’re left alone to talk to Yeonjun. He doesn’t even spare you a glance at first, which makes you think he might be having a bad day.

“You like this band?” you ask him, breaking the silence. You’re confused why he glares at you when he finally turns his head your way.

“You like Beomgyu?” he retorts, voice filled with some weird scorn.

“Woah, what?”

“Aren’t you dating Soobin? Why are you letting Beomgyu touch you?”

You have no clue where this is coming from. Beomgyu must have been talking to Yeonjun about the things you two did together. “Did Beomgyu say something to you?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “He’s been telling me all about how you’re sleeping with him while seeing Soobin.”

That motherfucker. He’s bragging about banging you to other guys? You’re nearly seeing red, but you keep your composure so you don’t look crazy in front of Yeonjun. “Soobin and I aren’t exclusive,” you defend.

Yeonjun gives you a humorless laugh. “Would you be happy if Soobin was fucking other girls right now?”

The thought puts a bitter taste in your mouth. “I wouldn’t like it, but I”—

“Don’t lie. You’d cry your heart out.” Yeonjun levels you with a knowing stare. You meet it, unwavering, but you know he’s right.

“You don’t know the whole story. I tried putting a stop to it,” you say.

“And what? You relapsed like he’s some drug? You need to get real.”

You want to be mad, but what’s the point? You’re getting reality checked, and it burns, but maybe Yeonjun’s right.

“Beomgyu puts up a fight every time I talk about Soobin. He won’t let me be.” You feel defensive, like you have to prove you’re not totally at fault.

“So you let him down easy with some pussy?” he asks with sizable disappointment in his voice. God, this is embarrassing.

“You don’t get it.” It’s not like you didn’t say no to him before. You tried removing yourself from the room, you tried telling him this can’t happen, you tried everything except leaving him. It doesn’t work.

“I don’t have to get it. You should do better.” The conversation ends at that, his words left to linger in your mind.

You stand silently beside Yeonjun and stare blankly at the band on the stage. Time has got to move a little faster. You pray Beomgyu doesn’t take much longer getting back.

When he does come back, you don’t let him cling to you like a magnet. He looks at you a little weird for rejecting his arm around you, but he doesn’t say anything until you get in his car.

“Are you okay? You seem kinda pissed.” His question only serves to irritate you further.

“You told Yeonjun that we sleep with each other?” You don’t hide the anger from your voice. He looks at you with wide eyes. Clearly he knows he fucked up. “I never once let you put your dick in me.”

Beomgyu breathes out slowly, then pouts his lips and taps awkwardly on the steering wheel. You allow him his minute of shameful silence before starting up again, “Do you just not respect me? I doubt you told him what exactly led to this.”

He still doesn’t look at you. He can try all the cute, pitiful tactics he wants, you’re not falling for it this time.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, head down like he’s hating his life right now. Good, you hope he is.

“If you’re really sorry then you’ll stop doing anything more than platonic with me.” He looks at you with upturned brows and scared eyes. It’s as if you spoke his worst fear into reality.

“No, I’ll tell Yeonjun I lied, I promise,” he pleads.

“Why? You didn’t lie. I’m just some whore you get to brag about, right?”

“No! I lied, I was wrong, I should have never opened my mouth to Yeonjun. I’m stupid.” Ugh, you can’t take his self-pity.

“We’re never crossing that line again. I was stupid. I’m actually glad Yeonjun gave me that reality check.”

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to stop, I’ll just shut my mouth about it now,” he says.

“I don’t want to risk ruining everything anymore.” He has nothing to say to that. It’s eerily quiet for a moment. “Can you bring us home now?”

He puts the car in drive. The ride is silent the whole way home.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The longest week of your life passes by, in which you barely hang out with Beomgyu, barely see Soobin, and barely talk to anyone. You consider it to be a reset week for you, trying to detach yourself from everyone else to focus on finding out what you want. With so many complicated relationships in your life, you need plenty of time to think this through.

You spend a lot of nights considering what exactly you want from Beomgyu and Soobin. You weigh all your thoughts out and philosophize them, waiting for something to click and show you all the answers. What you learn instead is that no amount of contemplation is going to clear things up for you completely.

When looking at it honestly, your life has been a mess of ups and downs since meeting Soobin. It’s not his fault at all—actually, when you try to pin the blame on someone, the dart lands like a bullseye on your own face. And it’s not that Soobin is a bad influence on your life, making you do all these stupid things; instead, it’s that you have no willpower when it comes to Beomgyu.

So, do you end things with Soobin? You rack your brain for a smart answer, but it’s hard to even think anything after forming that sentence. A pit of emptiness forms in your chest instead, and avoiding that uncomfortable feeling is within your own self-interest.

You itch to call Chaewon more times than you can count, but you don’t let yourself give in. You want this to be something you tackle without the influence of anyone else. You already know how Chaewon would tell you to solve this, anyway.

A couple nights throughout the week, Beomgyu has knocked on your door, and neither time did you let him in. Out of everyone you know, he has the biggest influence on you. Your rational mind is thrown out the window when it comes to him. You don’t think that’s something you can stop or control.

He texts you and makes sure you’re okay, which you’re grateful for. You still eat dinner with him, and you even let yourself indulge in one movie night, but you’re trying to keep your distance so you can keep your head clear.

You’re at a mental standstill, looking down a multitude of paths that have no clear end. You could move in with Chaewon and make Soobin your boyfriend. You could end things with Soobin and see if you can go back to normal with Beomgyu. You could do nothing and give up your hand in this game.

You feel like you’re finding a new law of arithmetic trying to decide what to do next. You’re not the thinking type—clearly, as if the past couple months haven’t been proof enough—so you earn no insight and all headache from this.

Go you, trying to be independent and figure out your life on your own. Look where that got you, huddled up in your bedroom and even more depressed than before. You need a drink.

Matter of fact—

Wanna go to a bar?

You don’t even have to wait a minute for Chaewon’s response. ‘Bar’ to her is exactly what ‘squirrel’ is to dogs.

[Chaewon] You already know my answer. I’m getting ready right nowwww

No boy talk or I’m ending my shit in front of you

You need one night to just let loose and stop thinking. You’ve had enough of deliberating upon the men in your life this week.

[Chaewon] Oh you need those drinks bad

[Chaewon] Okay noted

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You don’t expect to be interrogated as soon as you open the door to your apartment the next morning, but Beomgyu’s insistent prying serves as a lovely pairing with your massive hangover.

“Where were you last night?” he asks before you can even open the door all the way. You’re too busy adjusting to how bright the room is to process his question at first. You squint to save your eyeballs as much as you can. You walk right into Beomgyu when you try to properly enter the room. He holds your waist to steady your balance. “Are you drunk?” he asks.

You shake your head and instantly regret it, since it makes it feel like your brain is sloshing around inside your skull. “Hungover.”

“You didn’t tell me you were going out,” he says. He doesn’t sound mad or accusatory, but it still irritates you because you don’t want to deal with this right now.

“Didn’t realize I had to.”

“You always do when you go out drinking,” he reasons.

You sigh, “Yeah, well, I didn’t this time.”

He scrunches your brows as he takes in your tone. “Are you mad at me or something?”

You rub your eyes. You need to bury your head under your pillow, this light is killing you, and this conversation needs to be over with. “I’m not mad at you.”

He’s quiet for a second. “I feel like you are.”

“Okay. Have fun feeling like that.” You open one of the cabinets to look for some medicine.

“See? You’re talking to me like you’re mad at me. What did I do?” All your patience leaves you at that. You don’t want to be doing this right now.

You place the pill bottle onto the counter with more force than necessary and turn around abruptly to face Beomgyu. “I’m hungover. I don’t want to talk. Take a hint.”

He blinks at you stupidly, and it just annoys you more. You scoff and turn your attention back to the medicine.

“Were you with Soobin?” he asks, breaking the ten seconds of peace and quiet he allowed you.

You groan. “Does it matter? I could have fucked Soobin last night and it still wouldn’t be any of your concern.”

“Did you fuck Soobin last night?” he asks urgently now that you planted the thought in his head. You swallow your pills in place of answering him. He holds onto your arm to stop you from leaving when you try to walk past him. “Did you??”

“What if I did? Do you think you have any right to tell me anything about it?” You didn’t, obviously, but at this point you’ll say anything to get him to stop talking.

His jaw clenches and he tightens his lips, but you don’t give a damn what displays of anger he gives you. He could pull his arm back and get ready to punch you and you still wouldn’t waver. You raise your eyebrows, waiting for his answer.

“I just—I don’t get—You’re not even…” He sure is having trouble finding his words. Some defense he’s got built up.

“Interesting.” You turn, ready to storm off to your room, but he stops you once again.

His hands stay clung to your shoulders, not even blinking as he turns you back toward him. “Please just tell me who you went out with.” He almost reeks of desperation.

You’re annoyed and you don’t owe him shit, so you don’t open your mouth to give him a response. You shrug with a straight face.

He whines and leans his head down onto your shoulder like you’ve just stabbed him in the gut. You roll your eyes. He always has to be the victim. You might just trudge to your room with him clinging onto you if he doesn’t give this up. You’ll get to your bed one way or another.

“What did I do? I’m so sorry. Why are you so mad at me?” he says, voice breaking like he’s holding back tears. He nuzzles further into your shoulder.

“Gyu, I swear, I’m just tired and my head hurts. You had nothing to do with this until five minutes ago. So please get off of me.” You push against him to try to pry him away, but he locks his arms around you. You sigh deeply, accepting his embrace because it’s not like you can run from it. You wait until enough time has passed where it’s safe for you to pull away without him freaking out.

“So you’re not mad at me?” he asks, giving you those sweet puppy eyes that you’d melt over any other time. Unfortunately, you’re still pissy and in need of rest, so you don’t coddle Beomgyu like you know he wants you to.

“No.” His lips tilt up just slightly at that. He wipes his eyes dramatically.

“Can I lay down with you then?” he asks, eyes carrying all his hope.

You shouldn’t, but you don’t want to deal with his moping if you don’t let him. “If you stay quiet and keep your distance.”

You’re already walking to your room when you hear him start complaining, “Keep my distance!?” You don’t stop to respond. Now that you have your sight on your bed, nothing could stop you from getting wrapped up in your blankets.

You fall against the mattress with a groan, smushing your head into your pillow. You register the bed dip next to you with Beomgyu’s weight, and you’re half-surprised that he allows you a respectable amount of space. A good five minutes pass in which you nearly fall asleep just listening to yours and Beomgyu’s breathing. Silence is always fleeting with Beomgyu, though, and it’s not long until he has to break it.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this. Did you seriously… sleep with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks in a quiet voice, words coming out hesitantly like he’s almost scared to ask.

You sigh, turning your head so you’re facing him instead of being buried in a pillow. You blink slowly, still wanting to fall asleep. He’s pouting and looks like he feels bad for even asking. Luckily for him, most of your annoyance evaporated from you the moment you laid down.

“No, I didn’t. It was just me and Chaewon,” you answer. You let your eyes flutter shut again, assuming the conversation would be over now.

Nope. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier then?” You contemplate pretending to be asleep so that you don’t have to respond anymore, but you feel his arm wrap around your waist and you have to shove it off. There goes that idea. “And why can’t I hold you anymore?” he asks.

“Because of what we talked about after the concert.” Your eyes are still closed, but you bet he does something sassy in response like roll his eyes or curl his lips down.

“Well I think that’s stupid,” he says. You open your eyes to make sure he sees it when you scowl at him.

“You’re free to leave my room if you don’t want to respect my rules.”

“Putting rules on our friendship is so ridiculous,” he argues. “We have literally always been touchy with each other. Soobin can go cry about it if he thinks there’s a problem with that. Why should we change for him?”

“It’s me who’s putting these rules down, he never told me to do anything. It’s not just because of him, either.” Your head threatens to start pounding again.

“What else would it be for?”

“Us? Do you not worry that we’ll go too far and never be able to go back?” you ask incredulously, like the reasoning should be obvious. He must not fear losing this friendship the way you do.

“No, because I know nothing could break the bond between us.”

“Hooking up does. Don’t you see how much we’ve changed already? For the worse?” He’d be blind to deny that much.

“Hooking up didn’t change us, Soobin did,” he counters. He’s not holding anything back, overflowing with audacity today.

“I would have told you to stop with or without Soobin in my life.” Because you actually care about preserving your friendship. You know that a lifetime of shared memories is better than twenty minutes of sexual gratification.

“And you think this time will be any different from the last hundred times? You keep saying this is going to end, and then it doesn’t.”

“But I mean it this time,” you say with full confidence.

“You say that every time.”

“Then how about you make it easier for me and stop trying to get with me? It might make things easier if you actually fucking respected it when I try to lay down boundaries.”

“Or you can just say no to me, unless I’m that irresistible,” he snides. Is he serious? Does he think you’ve never tried to say no?

“Fuck you.” You turn away from him, done with this conversation. He doesn’t leave your bed, but he does keep his distance. Either he’s pissed off now too, or you’ve finally convinced him to respect you. Your bet’s on the former.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You’re getting ready to go out, wanting to spend your Sunday with Soobin. You haven’t seen him in a while, and you feel like you need this to clarify things for yourself. You aren’t supposed to meet him until later today, but you’re planning on running some errands first, and you might as well get ready now so you don’t have to rush to do it later.

The sounds of you roaming around your room seem to beckon Beomgyu over. He walks up to you with a soft smile on his face. “Heading out?” he asks.

“I am,” you confirm. You stop struggling with the necklace you were trying to put on and hand it to Beomgyu instead. You might as well make use of his presence. “Can you put this on for me?” You pull your hair off your neck to make it easier for him.

He’s able to secure the clasp much faster than you. He pats your shoulder when you’re all set, and you put your hair back down.

He’s quiet for a few seconds before he speaks up again, “I’m sorry for arguing with you yesterday.” He looks bashful as the apology rolls off his tongue.

You weren’t expecting that. You guys don’t really apologize to each other over small arguments, you just move on. You turn to face him so he can see your honesty. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

He laughs. “I deserved it.”

You shake your head. “No you didn’t.”

You two smile at each other, and it’s times like this where life feels a little simpler. It’s surreal that you share your own little section of the world together, and that you still get to have these bonding moments years after meeting.

“I’m glad that I have you in my life,” you say. “Even when I’m hungover and annoyed at you.”

His response comes in the form of a giggle and a squeeze of your hand. You allow it, letting him be sentimental.

“Okay, I need to continue with my makeup now,” you say, pulling away to rummage through your products and find your eyelash curler. Beomgyu lingers behind you, just watching.

“This skirt is really cute,” Beomgyu says, pinching the fabric of it.

“Thanks, I thrifted it.” He hums and nods in response. A minute passes in which he silently observes you.

“You doll yourself up a lot when you go out with Soobin.” You slowly turn to face him, not understanding the point of his statement.

“Is that a problem?” you ask. You didn’t even tell him you were going out with Soobin.

“No. You look good.” You hum and pull out mascara from your vanity’s drawer. You lean forward as you apply it to your lashes, trying your best to ignore Beomgyu’s stare.

A part of you is admittedly confused that Beomgyu isn’t trying to stop you from leaving or fighting with you about seeing Soobin. Just now, he was actually the most collected you’ve ever seen him be when it comes to Soobin. You don’t want to jinx it, so you try to shift your thoughts somewhere else.

You and Soobin are going to the vintage market later, since you found out that you both share a love for vintage things. (For him, it’s old gaming systems and figurines, and for you, it’s clothes and home decor.) You’re thinking about trying to convince him to get dinner with you too, but that might be pushing your luck. You know he had some errands to run today too.

“Those are nice,” Beomgyu says. You don’t know what he means until you see in the mirror where he’s looking. You widen your eyes and straighten your posture immediately. Bent over the vanity like that, your panties were on full display under your skirt. And to think you were sharing a sentimental moment just a few minutes ago!

You scowl at him. “Thanks for staring, creep.” You shove your mascara back in the drawer.

“I’m sure Soobin would love them,” he says. You pause as you register his words. You’re not sure what his goal is, or why he suddenly switched up so much. You decide it’s best to not add fuel to the fire and just keep your mouth closed.

Beomgyu’s all fire though, and needs no fuel to keep going. “Your makeup’s really pretty too. You look like an angel.”

“What are you trying to do?” you ask, voice full of suspicion. Even in his tone, you can hear his ulterior motives.

He comes closer to you with a grin, leaning his head on your shoulder and locking eyes with you in the mirror. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you feel a bit overwhelmed by his presence.

“I know you worked so hard getting pretty, but I don’t really think you should go out today… It’s windy, and you’ll be so, so cold in this…” He slowly pulls the thin strap of your top off your shoulder until it falls limp around your arm. His finger lightly traces the skin he revealed.

You’re not so curious what Beomgyu’s intentions are anymore. They’re pretty easy to guess now. “I’ll be fine,” you say.

He pouts, continuing to trace little swirls onto your skin. “You’ll get sick,” he adds.

“That’s not what you actually care about,” you say.

“I do though.” He places a kiss on your neck as if to show his earnestness.

“Beomgyu—no, this is too much.” You try pushing him off, but it’s as if he doesn’t feel your efforts at all. You give up after the second attempt.

“You should stay home with me so I don’t have to worry about you all day.” He stares at your side profile and brushes your hair back. He places another tender kiss on your neck, higher up this time. You try to fight any heat rising in your body from the action.

“Stop this,” you say, but it doesn’t sound so confident with how your voice shakes. You turn your head to look him in the eye. He just smiles up at you from where his head still leans on your shoulder. You hold back a gasp when his finger stops tracing lines on your skin and hooks under your bra strap instead, just barely starting to pull that aside too.

You’re so flustered by his finger slowly inching your bra strap down that you barely notice when his lips are back on your neck, attached to your pulse point like your heartbeat was calling for him.

“Y-you told me I could say no to you,” you remind him as his lips continue their slow descent down your neck.

“Yeah, if you actually meant it.” He places one last kiss to your skin, then props his head back on your shoulder to look into your eyes through the mirror. He smiles as if he likes what he finds; you must look as confused and malleable as you feel.

“You lied,” you say quietly, as if it’s a revelation to yourself and not a response to him.

“I didn’t. I’m just obsessed with pleasing you.” He runs his hands down your sides soothingly, then prompts you to bend with a gentle hand on your back.

“Beomgyu!” you squeak, fighting against the hand that beckons you down. You hold on tight to the edge of the vanity to keep your body up.

“Stop thinking. Let me take care of you.” His voice is so soft and coaxing, and you feel a sizable sense of shame hit you when arousal oozes from your cunt. An even greater amount of shame finds you when your arms shake and eventually give, letting Beomgyu ease you down until you’re bent over the vanity.

“We really can’t do this.” It might be too late to keep fighting, but you don’t want to suffer the consequences of this all over again.

“Shhh, baby,” he whispers as his hand travels down your back and settles on your hip, massaging the area.

Oh god. This is so bad. You’re supposed to be hanging out with Soobin in a few hours. You can’t do this right now.

“Gyu”—

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “Stop shaking, why are you so nervous?”

“I’m supposed to see Soobin today!” you squeak. He tsks.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop thinking?” A warm hand trails up your thigh. He doesn’t go under your skirt, he stays well enough away from your center, but something about his touch is still making your head spin. No one can make you lose reasonability like Beomgyu can.

You whine, and you don’t know if it’s out of defeat or out of need. You blink a tear from your eyes and follow Beomgyu’s advice: you stop thinking.

“Gyu…” You don’t even know what you’re calling him for. You hide your face in your arms so you don’t have to watch your reflection give up her fight.

“Yes, baby?” Your hips push out in search for his touch before you can stop yourself. Tears of shame pool in your eyes, and you're glad Beomgyu can’t see your face to coddle you for that. “You need something?”

You don’t respond. It’s embarrassing how bad you need his touch, but you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. A part of you wishes he’d leave you here like this so you could take care of your needs yourself.

He flips your skirt up with a careful hand, and you keep as still as possible. You try not to even breathe too hard. “You’re wet,” he says. “Want me to help you?”

What’s the point of asking? He went this far already. “No,” you say, and half of the reason is just to test if he’ll do it anyway.

“But you need me,” he says, brushing your hair out of your face and turning your head to him with his fingers on your chin. He looks at you like you’re a deer caught in a bear trap, like he’s being merciful to offer his help. You feel powerless when he looks at you like that.

His pitiful stare just makes you blink more tears out of your eyes, and you’d hide your face if you could, but he insists on keeping your head tilted towards him. He coos when the wet trails reach your cheeks, bringing a thumb up to wipe your tears.

“Do you wanna feel better?” he asks, continuing to spoil you with tender touches. He grabs your hand and lifts it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. You feel every bit the deer caught in the trap—Beomgyu’s got you in his claws now.

“I don’t know,” you say, pouting up at him.

“It’s okay. I’ll help you. Just tell me when to stop…” The light press of his fingertip against your clothed core makes you sigh, tension melting from your body. You close your eyes, shutting off your brain and relaxing into the feeling.

“That’s right, it feels so good, doesn’t it?” He circles your clit, keeping his touch feather-light. Even that much drives you crazy and makes your legs tremble. “Can I take these off?” His finger moves from your clit to hook beneath the hem of your panties.

“Please,” you say. He kisses your shoulder blade in appreciation.

“What nice manners.” Your panties are slowly peeled off of you until they hit the floor. The cold air hits your wet folds, making you shiver in anticipation.

“Fuck,” Beomgyu utters as he stares at your pussy. He brings a hand down and starts rubbing your clit, leaving you a gasping and mewling mess already. “I missed this cunt. God, you haunted me. You tortured me.”

He attaches his mouth to your neck, kissing down to your shoulder. You cry out when his tongue meets your skin, licking and nipping at whatever skin he has access to. You clench around nothing, making more arousal drip out of you. Beomgyu coats his fingers in the slickness and continues drawing tight circles onto your clit.

“Beomgyu!” you yelp out when he speeds up. He places a parting peck onto your jaw before leaning away to look at your face. He smiles down at you.

“You need something inside that wet little cunt? Are you aching for my fingers?” His words make you feel lightheaded. You’re already having trouble thinking clearly, but now with that thought in your mind, you’re a goner.

“Yes, I need you!” He’s quick to give you what you want, sinking two fingers in with ease. You’re left crying and panting as he fucks his digits into you, filthy sounds filling the room.

“You’re so hot,” he praises, pulling your head up with his fist in your hair. You’re forced to stare at your own reflection, met with an image of you that looks so unfamiliar. Your mouth is hung open, spilling out moans and cries as Beomgyu’s fingers continue ramming into you. Your makeup is smudged and no longer suitable to go out in. The strap of your shirt and bra still hangs limp on your arm, and that side of your neck is coated in Beomgyu’s saliva.

“I look like a slut,” you say, pouting only for a second before your mouth is forced open again around a whine.

“You look beautiful.” His fingers curl into you, searching for the spot that will have your eyes rolling back. Your legs tremble when he finds it, and you have to rebalance yourself, clutching onto the vanity to keep yourself up.

“There! Oh, god, Gyu!” His mouth is back on your throat, hot and wet as he sucks and tastes and kisses. He nibbles on your jaw, then moves up to breathe into your ear.

“Let me fuck you, let me fill you up,” he whispers. You clench around his fingers at the thought. He stills inside you and you whine. “Baby.” He holds your face so you’ll look at him. He presses a quick kiss to your lips. You’re too far gone to complain. “You need more, right? You need my dick inside you?”

He curls his fingers inside you once more, and your back arches at the sensation. You try not to get too heady at the idea of him splitting you with his cock. That’s the one thing that absolutely cannot happen, so you can’t let yourself give in to that.

“Tell me, or else you won’t cum at all,” he says, rubbing his fingers inside you so perfectly it leaves your legs shaking.

“No, please!” you exclaim, panicked at the prospect of him leaving you on the edge. Your frantic hands are quick to play with your clit and squeeze your tits, trying to get yourself off while his fingers are still inside of you.

“Are you gonna let me fuck you today?” he asks, moving his fingers slower so you won’t cum. You pout and push your hips toward him, but a strong hand of his retaliates and keeps you still.

“We can’t,” you say. Immediately, he pulls his fingers out of you. He slaps your pussy, making you yelp and shut your legs. He pries them back open and slaps you again, harder this time. His fingers collect your wetness and tease your entrance, but never slip back inside.

“Did my slut already give it up to Soobin? Because that would really piss me off,” he says, staring meanly at you as he waits for your answer.

“No! We never did anything together,” you answer, the truth leaving you easily when you’re so desperate for his touch. He huffs out a laugh.

“That’s right. You know you’re mine.” He’s so pleased that he decides to relieve some of your need, rubbing your clit. “No one else would be able to touch you like me. Tell me how I ruined you for any other man,” he prompts.

He pulls his fingers off of you and pushes his pants down, whipping his dick out and stroking it as he looks down at you. He taps your clit with the head of his cock and bites back a grin when you mewl at the action. He thrusts against your pussy, letting his length slide between your folds.

You have to cling onto reality and keep yourself from slipping into a brainless haze. It’s hard to do when his cock feels so girthy and hot against you. He would stretch you so nicely. Your cunt oozes at the thought.

“Say it,” Beomgyu demands, grabbing your face again so you’ll make eye contact with him. He leans over your body to do so, and you feel completely surrounded by him. His stare is hard and demanding. Your eyes bug out when you feel him press his tip against your entrance, pushing with just the slightest bit of pressure, but not quite sliding in. “Say it or I’ll fuck the words out of you.”

That scares you into compliance. “You ruined me for anyone else! Only you can make me cum! I only want your cock!” you chant thoughtlessly.

He laughs and smooths his hands down your body, resting them on your waist. “Good girl. Was that so hard?” He’s so condescending, but it makes you drip like crazy. He goes back to thrusting against your pussy, making you sigh in relief.

Beomgyu runs a hand under your shirt, squeezing your tits. Your back arches when he twists and pulls at your nipples while continuing to slide his cock through your folds. He takes his dick and starts swiping his tip over your clit rapidly, watching you spasm at the sensation with a grin. Your hole continues to flutter, aching to be stuffed with his cock. Unfortunately, Beomgyu takes notice of that.

“You need that hole filled, baby? Need to be nice and stretched?” He brings his tip back to your entrance. He circles around it teasingly, making you whine. You can’t let him fuck you. You need to keep at least that much from him.

“Don’t,” you plead, getting more antsy the longer he stays at your entrance.

“Don’t?” he repeats, but doesn’t move away.

“Please don’t!” you cry, unwilling to let him go that far. He finally relents.

“Then you’ll cum like this,” he huffs and goes back to stimulating your clit with the head of his cock. You moan out, pushing your hips down to feel him pressed against you more. Your mouth is dropped open in pleasure, eyes shutting as you focus on the feeling. Your legs shake and try to close, but Beomgyu urges them back open with his hand on your thigh.

You can’t form any coherent sentences, stuttering out a garbled mess of words that tells Beomgyu you’re right there. “Let go, baby, be good and cum for me,” he says, and your body obeys. You spasm everywhere as your orgasm takes over, breathing out in sweet relief. He’s moaning behind you, movements getting shakier as his release finds him.

Beomgyu pulls away so his cum lands on your ass, but his fingers play with your pussy to help you come down. Your legs clamp shut when it gets too much, and he takes that as a sign to stop. The sound of you and Beomgyu panting fills the room as you recover from your highs.

“Fuck, I wish I could take a picture of this,” Beomgyu says, staring at your ass painted with his seed. You can’t even think of a smart reply to that, still trying to get your breathing back to normal.

Beomgyu takes off his shirt to wipe you down with it. You’re glad he still has the mind to take care of you. You cringe when you feel him try to put your soiled panties back onto you. “Stop, I’ll just get a new pair,” you say, kicking his hands away.

You stand up and stretch, trying to avoid looking at your reflection as much as possible. You grab your phone to check the time. What catches your sight instead is a text notification from Soobin, and suddenly you feel sick. Beomgyu smirks when his eyes land on your screen. “You still going out with him today?”

You almost feel like you could cry. Was this his plan all along? You put your phone back down, unable to stand the guilt.

He wins again. “No, I’m not.”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Your life recently has just been a continuous cycle of proving that you can, indeed, stoop even lower. You’re so confused how you even got to this point. Your fairytale relationship was lined up for you, it was supposed to be easy to stop whatever you’re doing with Beomgyu and make Soobin your boyfriend.

Things are more complicated and confusing than ever, a precedent you continuously find yourself in. You can’t grow accustomed to this. You’ll go crazy before you ever figure out why Beomgyu won’t quit. What is the root of his insecurity? Why is he so threatened by the idea of you having a boyfriend? You’ve already told him you won’t leave him.

When you notice that Beomgyu’s not home when you get back from work, you decide to invite Chaewon over to keep you company. You don’t feel like being alone with your thoughts right now.

She’s there in a heartbeat, and the two of you are quick to settle on the couch and watch a bit of the show she’s currently binging. You’re only half an episode in when you stop paying attention and start talking to Chaewon about life instead. It doesn’t take long for Chaewon to land on the million dollar question.

“Alright, this has been killing me since we went to the bar. What happened with Soobin?” Chaewon asks.

You want to punch yourself. This is so embarrassing. “Well…”

“I swear, if you…” she starts, and you know what she’s thinking.

“I did.” You get a hard smack on the arm for that. You deserved it, honestly.

“You fucked Beomgyu?!”

“He didn’t stick it in, but we did basically everything else,” you admit.

“Why?” she asks. “Everything was going so well.”

“I don’t know. Because I’m stupid. I tried to say no, but you know him.”

She looks a little horrified to hear that. “What?”

You scramble to explain, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, “I mean, like, I gave in and let myself enjoy it because he wasn’t stopping anyway.”

“Do you even know how concerning that sounds?” Chaewon asks, looking genuinely worried for you. “Seriously, are you okay?” She runs a hand down your arm to comfort you.

“I’m okay. Thank you.” Her eyes have lost all their hardness and accusation, and she looks at you with only pity now.

“How’d this happen? Give me the timeline,” Chaewon says, and you sigh as you try to recollect the whole story.

“I actually initiated it the first time we hooked up again,” you explain with a sense of shame. “I was angry, and he kept insisting that I hate him, so I kissed him. Then it went further.”

“I hate him,” Chaewon says with a bitter laugh. You frown, so she continues, “I do. I can’t stand him anymore. He knew he was cornering you when he said that shit.”

“Well, it worked. It keeps working. I tried again to stop after that, which is when he told me I should just say no and”—

“What the hell?” Chaewon interrupts, appalled. “As if you haven’t been saying no in a million different ways!”

“Yeah, I don’t know.” You shake your head and shrug defeatedly. “So the next time he tries to initiate something, I say no, and he doesn’t listen because he said he could tell I didn’t mean it.”

Chaewon’s jaw is dropped open. It takes a few seconds for her to get a response out. “I really hate him. I’m fuming for you.”

“Well, I didn’t tell him to stop once he really started touching me. I don’t know why. He told me to tell him when to stop, and I just… didn’t.”

“He needs to get it together. You need to give him an ultimatum.” The drastic measures make your heart pound. Beomgyu would lose it.

“I can’t,” you say. “Even if I did, he’d find a way around it again.”

“Stop giving him so much power over you. You need to detox yourself clean of him.” She says that like he’s some bacteria you can just flush out. He’s more like a parasite taking control of your whole being.

“But I live with him,” you reason.

“Then stay at mine. As long as you’re here with him, he’s going to keep doing this. He’s been messing with your head and ruining your life on purpose. It’s such bullshit. He’ll never take no for an answer,” Chaewon spits.

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” You snap your head over to where the voice came from. Fuck. Beomgyu came home.

Your heart stops. You hold your breath, staring at him with wide eyes. What do you say? There’s no excuse that could get you out of this situation.

Chaewon on the other hand doesn’t seem scared at all—she seems furious. “You,” she answers, unphased at his attempt to intimidate her.

She rises from the couch and approaches him with quick footsteps. You get scared for a second that she might hit him, so you follow her quickly. She stops in front of Beomgyu, and you stand back, observing the scene with your nerves on edge. Beomgyu doesn’t back down, staring daggers into her.

“Beomgyu, you are the most disgusting excuse for a friend in the world,” Chaewon snaps. She pokes a finger against his chest to make her point. “I can only pray that karma gets you one day and makes you see what a piece of shit you are.”

Beomgyu looks at you while pointing at Chaewon. “You’re just gonna let her talk to me like this? Did you even tell her the full story?”

You see red at his accusation. “I told her everything, matter of fact.”

“Yeah? Then she should know that you’re just as much to blame as I am,” he says, walking away from Chaewon and towards you. “I can’t believe you’ve been shit-talking me with your friends for things you chose to do with me.”

Chaewon chimes in, “How much of a choice does she have if you’re bugging her nonstop until she gives in? Crying, fighting, begging. If you were fucking normal she’d already be with Soobin by now.”

Beomgyu doesn’t turn to look at Chaewon as she speaks, so his face is still close to yours as he takes in her words. He doesn’t look remorseful at all. He just looks pissed.

“You can leave, Chaewon,” he says, voice dripping with venom. He looks you in the eye even as he says that. It sends a chill down your spine.

Chaewon grabs your wrist and pulls you a few steps away from Beomgyu. “Come sleep at mine tonight,” she urges you. “You don’t deserve to hear whatever shit he’s gonna put you through.”

“Fuck that,” Beomgyu says. “Get out of my house.” He points to the door. You’re shocked at the slight raise in his voice. He’s never done that before.

Chaewon looks at you, waiting for you to say something. You feel like the smallest person alive because you can’t bring yourself to accept her offer. It would only strain your relationship with Beomgyu more.

“Don’t be mad at me, Chaewon,” you plead, even though that’s probably too much to ask for. But she’s Chaewon, and she carries all the understanding she’s ever had, so she doesn’t get mad at all.

She squeezes your hand. “Be smart,” she says, then wraps her arms around you for a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything,” she whispers in your ear.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper in hers. She pulls away and pats your hair down, looking sympathetic.

“I’ll see you soon,” she says, heading towards the door.

“See you.” You can’t bring yourself to sound happy or excited as you watch her leave. It feels like your life force has been drained out of you, and yet you’re nowhere near done with the arguments tonight. You turn to Beomgyu, already expecting it.

“Please don’t listen to her,” he says. You blink up at him, confused. He’s not going to get mad at you? “I don’t know what she’s telling you, but don’t listen to it.”

You don’t have it in you to fight him right now. “I just chose you again, Beomgyu, even if I shouldn’t have. That should tell you everything.” It’s the last thing you say before heading off to your room. You don’t think your pout leaves your face all night.

Time and time again, you prove you can’t change. You can’t prioritize anything over Beomgyu, not even yourself. It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.

You want to believe you can grow as a person, but it’s so impossible when Beomgyu insists on bringing you back to square one every chance he gets. Chaewon’s offer rings in your head, telling you there is a way out. You could stay with her and leave behind all the mess that comes with being here.

Your eyes water. If only you weren’t so weak. You can’t imagine how that life would be better than one with Beomgyu in it. You can’t abandon him; for both his sake and your own, it’s better if you stay. You just have to get used to this being your new life.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Somehow, Beomgyu becomes the only person you don’t feel guilty being around. When you’re with Soobin, you feel guilty for what you’ve done with Beomgyu. When you’re with Chaewon, you feel guilty for not taking her advice and controlling your life more. With Beomgyu, you don’t have to feel guilty, as long as you don’t let yourself think too hard.

You end up spending most of your free time cooped up in his room. It’s better than being alone—your thoughts might send you spiraling if you’re left to deal with them on your own. If making you codependent was Beomgyu’s goal, it looks like he’s succeeding.

You let Beomgyu hold you in his bed, you let him wipe the tears off your face, you let him comfort you with peppered kisses all over your skin and honey coated words whispered into your ear. You let him do whatever he wants because it’s better than fighting with him and breaking yourself down even more.

You open your phone to see you’ve got a text from Soobin.

[Soobin] Are you free today?

Well, technically you are…

You look over at Beomgyu, still caught up in his game. You think of spending time with Soobin, lounging in some restaurant or walking across the city. It’s nice, but any of that niceness is crushed when you think of telling Beomgyu that you’re going out with Soobin. You think of his petty arguments, of the tricks he has up his sleeve, of all the right words he knows just when to say to keep things going his way. You’ve had such a shit week that you just don’t feel like ruining your weekend like that.

You send your response.

I’m not :(

You shut off your phone and lay it against your chest. You feel like you’re becoming an awful person. A few minutes later, Beomgyu cheers and claps at his screen, pushing his chair out a bit and looking back at you.

“Come look at this,” he says. You wrap a blanket around yourself as you trudge over to his desk. He points to each statistic and explains how awesome and amazing they are, looking to you for validation.

“Super cool.” You nod and try to pull an impressed look, but he can always see through your bullshit.

“Why do you sound like that? What happened?” he asks. You fight back the urge to roll your eyes. Curse him and his stupid ability to read your mind.

You sigh. “I just feel like I’m always lying to Soobin recently.”

Beomgyu, ever the asshole, just smiles at that. “Why?”

“He asked if I was free today and I said no,” you explain.

“Well that’s right. You’re hanging out with me.”

“But we don’t really have plans. We hang out like this every day.” You don’t fight it when he pulls you into his lap. You relax into him.

“Just stop dragging him along. This is going nowhere.”

“It could, though,” you say.

“It couldn’t,” Beomgyu denies with complete certainty. He runs his fingers through your hair when you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. You would make sure of it,” you say, defeated.

“Don’t act so innocent.” His voice is soft even when he says that.

“I was so set on him. You never liked me like this until you found out about him,” you say, equally as soft, no real fight in you.

“I always liked you like this.”

“No. You never acted like this.”

“I was scared of losing you to him, so I had to act like this,” he defends.

“It makes me feel crazy. Makes me feel like a bad person.”

He hums, still comforting you with his hand in your hair and an arm around your waist. He pulls you up just a bit to position you so that you’re face-to-face with him. The blanket falls off of you and onto the floor behind you. He coos when he sees your teary eyes, cupping your face.

“You’re right, I would make sure of it. I’d never let you get into a relationship,” he admits. His voice drips with gentleness, and it’s smooth as ever, but you don’t feel soothed by it. You back up when his face gets a little too close to yours.

“What if I only want to be friends?” you question.

“Then just be my friend. Don’t be his girlfriend, though,” he pleads. “Would you really hurt me like that?”

“I can’t be his friend?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

A little fire of rage is starting to burn inside you at his possessiveness. It’s like he can sense it, and he’s trying to calm it down, gently rubbing his hands down your thighs.

“Don’t touch me like that,” you demand. He moves his hands to rest on your hips instead. “Don’t touch me at all.”

He pries his hands off of you and holds them behind his head. You feel yourself getting pissed off, but for some reason you don’t make a move to get off his lap.

“Why do you treat me like this?” you ask harshly.

“Cause I’m in love with you,” he answers like he can’t hold it back anymore. Your heart stops and your eyes shoot to his own in shock. He’s looking at you with all the honesty he’s ever had. “So forgive me if I can’t stand you being with someone else.”

You open your mouth, but you have no clue what to say, so you just shut it and stare at him, dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds for rationality to hit you and urge you up and away from him. He stands up as soon as you do, holding onto your wrist.

“No, don’t go,” he begs, lacing your hands together. You lean your head into his chest and cry out in confusion. What are you supposed to do?! God, a part of you wishes you’d never even met Soobin now. If you knew it would come to this, you’d have never stepped foot in that library. It’s just not worth it. You don’t even know how you feel right now.

“What the fuck Beomgyu!” you yell as you burst into tears. Everything is ruined. You can’t be with Soobin. You can’t be with anyone. You can’t have your old dynamic with Beomgyu back. Nothing will be the same.

Beomgyu hugs you, swaying you comfortingly and slowly. You hear him sniffle. He doesn’t deserve to be crying right now. What reason does he have to cry? Everything has gone his way.

You drop to the floor and hold your face in your hands, crying into your palms. He sits in front of you and pushes your hands down, brushing your hair back. His eyes are red from his tears too, but he’s tending to you. Your stomach twists. You don’t know what to think. A guttural sob leaves you.

“Maybe this city isn’t right for you. Let’s move away,” Beomgyu offers, trying a new approach.

“Like you know what’s right for me,” you mock.

“I do,” he asserts.

“You don’t.”

“Just stop with this. Do you not love me?” he asks, angry and serious. You don’t respond. He calls your name. You look away from him.

You don’t know. Somewhere in this whole mess, you’ve lost your perception of what you feel for who. You don’t respond because you have no answer.

He whines and hangs his head, clutching his chest like you’ve just stabbed him in the heart. Always the drama queen. You feel yourself calming down a little as you see it. At least you’re not the only one breaking down now.

“You want to be with him that bad?” he asks. He looks at you with pathetic eyes, tears falling from them pitifully. You feel nothing.

He grabs you by the shoulders with urgency and desperation. You have no more fight in you, so you let it happen. He picks you up and sits you on the edge of his bed. He stands over you, holding your head up so your eyes meet. He frantically searches for something in them. You’re not sure what.

“Can you talk to me?” he requests. “At least give me that much?” He pulls your mouth open with his thumb, staring at it like he’s waiting for something to come out. You don’t know what possesses you, but you feel broken enough to not question it when you take his thumb in your mouth and suck. Perhaps you’re just used to turning to sex in the midst of heated moments now. He pulls it out and stares at you funny.

“What?” you ask. He gives a sigh of relief, and you realize it’s because you finally said something.

“We gotta talk about this,” he says.

What’s there to talk about? He told you what your whole life is going to look like anyway. You don’t even want to think about it anymore.

“Let me sleep,” you whisper. Your head is pounding.

“Okay,” he agrees, laying you back on his mattress, adjusting the pillow beneath your head. You shut your eyes. He tucks you in neatly, making sure you’re extra comfortable. He uses gentle fingers to tuck your hair out of your face. You feel his presence stick beside you like a guard dog until you fall asleep.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You wake up with a clearer head. The room is dark, you must have slept your way into the night. You remember everything that happened and your eyes shoot open. Beomgyu’s sleeping soundly next to you. He has you right up against him, like he knew you’d try to run away as soon as you woke up. You realize that that’s what you should be doing right now.

You remember you left your phone on the bed somewhere. You feel around for it, more frantically the longer it takes, but you come up empty. A part of you wonders if Beomgyu took it. You shake the thought. He wouldn’t. You despise your mind for trying to paint your best friend as evil.

He can’t help how he feels, right? If he scared you or hurt you, he didn’t mean it. If he’s serious when he says he loves you, then he wouldn’t want to hurt you. You feel sick as you think it over. You probably shouldn’t run away. Where would you even go?

An idea pops into your mind, but you need your phone first.

Gathering your courage, you slip from Beomgyu’s grasp and get out of bed, causing as little commotion as you can. You scan the room with just your eyes, seeing if you can find your phone. You contain the urge to groan when you don’t see it anywhere. You bend down to check under the bed. Nothing.

You startle when you rise up and see Beomgyu looking at you. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m just looking for my phone.” You sound so meek and unnatural in your own ears. You sound scared of him.

“Oh.” He eases back into the bed. You didn’t realize how tense he got. Strange.

You look at him speculatively. “Do you… know where my phone is?”

He furrows his brows. “Are you accusing me right now?”

Yes. “No.” It’s so much harder to rationalize the situation when you’re talking to Beomgyu. He’s quiet for a minute, and it unnerves you. You wonder what he’s thinking.

You watch him closely as he reaches for something on his nightstand. It’s his phone. He taps around on it, and you have no clue what he’s doing until you hear it ring. He’s calling you.

The vibration of your phone is muffled, but present. Beomgyu looks to his side and lifts your pillow, revealing your phone. He hangs up the call from his end. You grab your phone, feeling guilty now.

“Now you can stop looking at me like I’m some psychopath,” he murmurs off-handedly. It stings your heart.

“I’m sorry.”

He sits up and stares at you, then lets out a heavy sigh. His eyes look puffy now from all his crying before, and you figure he must not have slept much. You wonder if he stayed up crying while you slept in his arms.

“I’m sorry too,” he says. You appreciate that, because he’s got a lot to be sorry for. “I got scared and it made me act crazy.”

So you’re finally having this conversation. Your heart rate picks up.

“You did. I guess I did too,” you say. You remember how you broke down. You remember everything he said. “Did you mean it all?” you ask.

He’s quiet for a second. “I meant it when I said I loved you.”

“And when you said you’d never let me have a relationship?” you push. He looks like you just kicked him, and he bites down his response. You remember what Chaewon said about him doing that, how he only does it because he knows you’re weak for him. Not this time. Fuck that. “Talk to me now, Beomgyu. I’ll walk out of your life forever if you don’t.”

He rushes to respond now, eyes wide with urgency. “I don’t know, I’m just desperate, and—and I need you.” He stands up, but doesn’t dare get too close to you. His hands are held together in prayer. “Don’t walk away. I’ll control myself now. Please stay. Who else do I have?”

You take a deep breath, trying to not let his words hit you too hard. You need to keep a clear mind. If your heart starts getting soft, you’ll lose to him again.

“I want you to never meddle in my love life again,” you say, speaking as clearly and confidently as you can.

“But I”—

“Never again. No excuses. Let me be.”

“But I love you!” Beomgyu cries, desperate to keep you to himself.

“Stop,” you insist, locking up the iron gates that protect your weak heart. You can’t let him get through.

“I love you, I love you, I love you! You can’t do this to me!”

You feel him slicing away at the bars guarding your heart. You have to get out of here before he breaks you down again.

“I’m staying at Chaewon’s tonight. If you try to contact me while I’m gone, you’ll never see me again. Give me space.” You fear your sanity might slip from you if you take too long to head out the door.

He drops to his knees as a sob escapes him. Unintelligible pleading escapes his lips, but you can’t allow it into your mind. If you stay here a second longer, he’s going to find your soft spots and attack. Adrenaline forces you to start moving.

You leave the room, leave the apartment, but you still hear his cries. They echo in your mind and torture you as your feet take you to Chaewon’s house. You move as fast as you can, desperate to clear your head, but Beomgyu proves himself again to be a parasite, a stain you can never wash off.

Chaewon’s eyes widen when she sees you. You must look as rough as you feel. “What happened?” she asks, ushering you to her couch. She wipes your cheeks, brushing away tears you didn’t even know were there.

“Beomgyu loves me.” You choke on a sob, leaning forward until your head is buried in Chaewon’s chest, wrapping your arms around her body. You’re glad you don’t have to beg her to comfort you—she’s quick to pat your hair down and hold you while you let it all out.

“Honey, it’s okay,” she soothes. You’re soaking her shirt with your tears, but she doesn’t say anything about it.

“No, everything has changed. Nothing’s okay.” Chaewon picks your head up at that, cupping your face so you’ll look her in the eyes. You sniffle back your tears, suddenly embarrassed by them when she’s looking at you so intensely.

“You will be okay. I promise you.” She sounds so sure of it that you have no choice but to believe her. You nod, and she looks pleased at that. Once she releases you from her hold, you wipe the wetness from your face. You feel yourself calming down.

“Thank you,” you say. Even if all you want to do in the moment is wallow in your own self-pity, you can’t let that be the rest of your life. Once you feel confident you won’t start crying again, you tell Chaewon everything that happened with Beomgyu. She’s quiet the whole time, nodding as you explain the whole ordeal. You don’t have it in you to joke about it right now, and you appreciate that she doesn’t try to either.

“Well, how do you feel? Do you love Beomgyu?” she asks.

You sigh. This is a loaded question. “I’m not in love with him, but I do love him. Even after everything he did, I still love him. I probably always will.”

Chaewon nods slowly and hums in acknowledgement. She takes a minute to ask her next question. “What about Soobin?”

You pout as you ponder it. When you think about being with Soobin now, it’s not heart fluttering anymore. Beomgyu ruined that for you. Maybe Beomgyu ruined any man for you. You can’t imagine talking to another guy, now—not for a while, anyway.

“I’m not in love with him either. I don’t know how I feel now,” you answer honestly.

You get another cryptic hum from Chaewon at that. “I think you should see Soobin tomorrow and see if that clears things up.”

Tomorrow? That’s so soon. You need time to recover from today. The thought of meeting up with Soobin fills you with some sort of dread and fear.

“I don’t know if I can ever see him again,” you admit.

It’s too late for you to come back from this. The damage is irreparable. Beomgyu has carved his name into you, and you can scratch it away all you want, but the slate will never be clean again. You’ll always be marred.

“See him one more time,” Chaewon insists. “Don’t give up yet.” You feel a little bit of life leave you as you sigh. You’re not the fighter that Chaewon wants you to be. You’ve tried so hard, but it never worked.

She puts a hand on your shoulder and continues, “Text him. Ask him to go out with you tomorrow. You can still make this work.” She picks up your phone and puts it in your hand.

You look into her eyes. She has enough hope in them to encourage you to unlock your phone and go to Soobin’s messages. You stare at your texts from earlier, regretting how you didn’t just accept his offer to hang out. You wonder how differently your day would have gone.

You take a deep breath and look at Chaewon for reassurance. Her smile gives you the courage to send something over.

If you’re free tomorrow, I’d love to go out

You doubt he’s awake right now since it’s so late, but you’ll settle with seeing his response in the morning. Chaewon encourages you to get some rest, and you think half of the reason is because she’s tired too, but you don’t argue. If you’re seeing Soobin tomorrow, you’ll need as much rest as you can get tonight. You’ll sleep away the pain and open your heart up to whatever comes with Soobin tomorrow.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You do your best to not think about Beomgyu at all as soon as you meet up with Soobin. You want to enjoy your day, and you’ll be damned if you don’t at least try. You’ve put up with so much, you need a break. A day out with Soobin could offer you that solace.

It’s colder by the lake that you walk along the edge of, but the sight is so nice that you don’t mind it. Being outside is helping you feel better, too. The lake is still mostly ice, with fresh snow piled on top of it.

“I’m glad we get to spend time together today,” Soobin says, walking slower until he comes to a stop. He looks angelic even with his nose red from the cold.

“Me too,” you say. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“It’s okay, I’m sure you were busy.” You can’t look him in the eye when he says that, it hurts too much. You weren’t nearly as busy as he thinks you were. Your mind was preoccupied with someone else.

“How has work been?” You almost cringe at how surface level the question feels. You’ve been past the small talk stage for a while now, but you’re having trouble thinking of what else to talk about. It’s not like you can talk about your own life as of recent.

“It’s been okay. I miss you sometimes when I’m working in the library,” he says. Your heart should flutter at that. You should feel weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach. Instead, you feel something inside you shrivel up. You push past the feeling, still determined to try to save this.

“I wish I went over more.” You wish you did a lot of things different.

“You still can,” he says, hopeful. You pray that he’s oblivious to your uncertainty. You smile at him, hoping it doesn’t look as forced as it feels.

“I can,” you agree. A beat of silence follows. You look out to the frozen lake. In the summer, this place is alive with the sound of birds chirping and people laughing. It’s quite different now. You look at the barren trees and strain your ears for any noise.

You don’t usually hate winter, but this year it feels eternal. You’re dying for the snow to start melting and to feel the sun again. The sight of flowers in bloom, of leaves returning to trees, is something you find yourself craving more than ever.

“Do you like the snow?” you ask, turning to Soobin.

“I love it. It makes everything look brighter.” You nod, looking back out to the world. The sunlight reflects off the stretch of snow, and you suppose it does look brighter like this. A gust of wind sends snow blowing at the two of you. You flinch, and he laughs.

“Have you ever gone skiing?” he asks.

You shake your head. “I went snowboarding with Beomgyu once, but I hated it. I had so many bruises the next day.” You laugh a little at the memory.

“I’ve been waiting to hear that,” Soobin says. You look at him in confusion. “Your laugh,” he clarifies.

“Oh.” You feel your face heat up.

“I love skiing, even though I’m not great at it. You should try. I know a great place. We can fall and get matching bruises,” he says, grinning. It puts a smile on your face, and you don’t have to force it this time.

“I don’t know if I can take up that offer,” you say.

Soobin nods. “That’s okay.”

It goes quiet again after that. Silence doesn’t bother you normally, but it feels deeper than usual when there’s nothing going on around you. You sway on your feet, kicking awkwardly at the snow.

“Are you alright? You’re never this quiet,” Soobin notes. You sigh. You couldn’t even begin to explain how you feel to him.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m such a bore today,” you apologize, wanting to shrink into yourself.

“I’m never bored of you. Tell me what’s going on,” he prompts, looking at you attentively. You’re flattered at how he shows his care for you.

You stare at him for a long second, wondering how much would be acceptable to spill. “It’s just Beomgyu.”

Soobin laughs for a second at that. “That’s not the first time I heard that sentence.” He doesn’t look upset or bitter, but it still makes you feel bad. Even if he’s joking, it’s true that you keep bringing Beomgyu up around him.

“I don’t know what to do about him anymore.” You wish you had the guts to say more, but you’re a coward.

Soobin takes a while to respond to that, so long that you think he might just drop the conversation. His smile has shrunk, and you fear that he’s finally putting the pieces together. “You do what feels right,” he advises.

You swallow, trying to calm your nerves. “How do I know what’s right?” Your brows are upturned, lips pouted as you struggle to draw a conclusion. His eyes trail down your face like he’s assessing you.

“Your heart will tell you.” He has no clue the torment your heart’s been through. The poor thing is too weak to make any decisions. Following it will lead you nowhere.

You shake your head. “No it won’t.”

He sighs, and that’s when you know he’s caught onto your dilemma. “You already know what your heart wants. You’re just ignoring it.”

His words strike you with panic. You search his eyes to try to find the answer he’s come to. “What do you mean?” you ask.

“I just feel like…” Soobin starts. You hang onto his words as he struggles to finish his thought. “You’re always thinking of him.”

Your heart sinks. It feels like the world has gone weak, and everything around you is ready to collapse. Can you even deny what he said? You open your mouth to try, but any noise struggles to come out.

“So, can I ask you something?” he continues.

You nod. This moment feels so delicate and fragile, you’re scared of breaking it. Your voice comes out in a whisper when you respond, “Yes.”

“Did you like me at all?” His eyes dart between yours.

You hate this so much. You can’t protect your pride. Guilt spills out from the pit of your stomach and sickens you. Have you turned into something vile? Have you hurt Soobin so much?

“Of course I did. You’re wonderful,” you answer honestly. He wipes a tear from your cheek when it falls from your eye.

“And now?” He keeps his hand on your face. You can't stand his kindness. The knife twists further.

“I don’t know. Beomgyu—he…” You don’t even know where to go with that sentence.

“He fell for you?” he fills in. “I can see why.” He brushes your hair back. Even now, his smile is pure and soft.

“Soobin…” You’re stuck with the most impossible dilemma. A selfish part of you begs to keep Soobin around. The butterflies he summons still come back to life at times like these. You’ll never have to question his sanity. What bloomed between you was innocent and untarnished until Beomgyu dug his claws into you.

The other half of you tells you to stop torturing everyone. Yourself, Soobin, Beomgyu—you all suffer the longer you remain on the fence. You can’t have both men in your life, and you know that you’re not going to give up Beomgyu so easily. You just wish you could figure something out.

“I know your choice,” he says, breaking you out of your thoughts. How? How can he know so clearly when not even you do?

He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. The most gentle kiss you’ve ever felt is placed delicately onto it. You blink up at him. It’s almost like you can already see him flickering away.

He’s letting you go.

You feel the moment melting. You feel the world slowly coming back to life around you, and you want to ask it for one more minute. One more minute, where you and Soobin can be the only two people that exist. He’s putting your hand down, he’s releasing his hold, he’s getting ready to go. You know better than to cry and beg for him now. This is what has to happen.

“Do you know your way home from here?” he asks.

You’re crushed, but you don’t show it. “Yes.”

He steps back. “I’m glad I knew you. You’re the best thing this city has to offer.”

“That’s not true.” There is nothing more cursed in this city than you.

He smiles at you. It’s the last time you’ll ever see it. “It is. I hope he helps you see that.”

That’s the last thing he says to you before he leaves for good. You watch him walk away. Your feet don’t itch to run for him. Your hands don’t yearn to tug him back. The only thing you want now is to see your best friend.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You try to control the way your body shakes as you stand in front of the door. You need to get yourself together. You steady your breathing. Your fist meets the door to knock on it gently, like you’re unsure if you actually want to go in or not.

You’re glad you ran out of tears already. It would be quite embarrassing for Chaewon to open the door to you crying for the second day in a row.

She assesses you with a frown. “It didn’t go well, did it?”

There’s no need to sugar coat it. “It’s over.”

Chaewon’s lips part in surprise. She’s quiet, and for the first time, it seems like she doesn’t know what to say. You walk to her room without a word, and she follows just as silently. You take your usual spots on her bed, and you try to make yourself feel something. You just come up empty.

“Are you okay?” Chaewon asks, breaking the silence hesitantly.

“I guess,” you answer. You didn’t expect Soobin to let you go. Selfishly, you thought he would never leave you. Chaewon sighs heavily, but you don’t dare to look at her right now. Whether it’s disappointment or sadness on her face, you don’t want to know.

Karma must be real. This was always bound to happen, you realize. This is some cosmic joke, some lesson from the universe to tell you what happens when you let control slip out of your hands. You dug your own grave. Soobin was always going to leave you.

A pang in your chest strikes you when you think of the beginning. Soobin’s shy introduction at the library, his giggles at your flirtations, his eagerness to keep you talking. Everything was so light and easy. You could’ve sworn there was an invisible string connecting you.

“I’m sorry. It’s killing me that I can’t do anything for you,” Chaewon says, and you finally look at her. Her eyes are brimming with tears, lips quivering in an effort to not cry. You frown and hold her hand.

“You’ve done everything for me,” you correct. If it weren’t for all her talks with you in the past couple months, you would have gone crazy long ago. You’d be caught between Beomgyu’s teeth. Now you’re here, sulking over Soobin with her, instead of going home to your other best friend. “You helped me more than you think.”

Chaewon gives you a small smile as a tear falls from her eye. Her hand squeezes yours, and it makes you genuinely smile for a second. “I’m always here for you,” she says.

“Same here, for anything.” She scooches closer to you, and you rest your head on her shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” You ponder her question for a minute, trying to match a label to your inner turmoil.

You sigh, “Numb.”

She hums. “What are you thinking about?” That question brings the pang in your chest back. You can do nothing but succumb to the defeat and hopelessness of it all.

“We never even kissed.” You stare into nothingness as you meddle with the fact. It’s a stupid thing to be upset about, but you feel like you had your one shot at romance ripped away from you. Who can you blame besides yourself?

You could’ve had innocent, pure love. You could’ve had sweet kisses and interlocked hands and a hundred cute little dates, but you traded it all for anger-laced intimacy, endless confusion, and nights ending in tears. You’re a fool.

Chaewon looks at you with such pity that it makes your stomach twist. You must seem so pathetic right now. A part of you wishes you’d run off to Beomgyu instead. He would’ve pampered you, made you forget about Soobin if only for a moment. You know you were right to see Chaewon instead, though. You’ve made enough dumb decisions with your life. You’re sick of destroying everything because you can’t let go of Beomgyu.

Chaewon seems to be thinking the same thing. “I can’t stop thinking about where you’d be now if Beomgyu never brought himself into this.”

You tighten your lips, not knowing what to say. You don’t want to think about it at all. “Yeah.”

She turns to you fully, looking more serious now. “You’re not going back to Beomgyu again. Don’t let him get away with this,” she says.

It’s not that easy. What does she expect you to do instead? Ignore him, drop him now that it’s already too late? You’d gain nothing from that at this point.

“It’s useless,” you say. She takes both your hands in hers, holding them over her heart and looking into your eyes.

“I care about you too much to watch you spiral like this. Stay with me. I’ll help you bring your things here.” She looks at you with pleading eyes. Your heartbeat races. The choice is yours.

“I can’t burden you like that,” you say, shaking your head.

“It would burden me more to know you’re letting Beomgyu win again,” she insists. You exhale shakily, trying to stop your thoughts from flying by so fast. You need a clearer mind to be able to make this decision.

“I need to think about it.” Chaewon nods, always understanding of you.

“Just let me know. I promise I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” You feel like you owe this girl the world.

You look out the window, noticing how dark it is. You would stay over her house again, but something inside you urges you to go home. You shift on the bed, stretching as you get ready to stand up again.

“I think I’m gonna head home now,” you say, and you see her eyebrows knit in confusion immediately. You know what she’s thinking. “It’s not for Beomgyu. It’s for me.”

She still looks uneasy, but she doesn’t put up a fight. You’re glad she saves her lectures on Beomgyu this once. She gives you a parting hug.

“Think about my offer,” she says as you pull away. Her eyes are hopeful, like she’s counting on you for this one thing.

“I will,” you promise.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The moment you get home, you take yourself straight to Beomgyu’s room. It’s late, and you know he must be sleeping, but you don’t want to feel alone for even a second. You don’t want to think about Soobin.

Beomgyu’s room is slightly illuminated by the glow of his gaming setup. He looks so peaceful laying in his bed. His chest rises and falls in a perfect rhythm, and you find yourself calming down. You stand there in the doorway for a minute, debating whether or not it was too far to go and wrap your arms around him.

He stirs in his sleep. Perhaps he felt your presence—you wouldn’t doubt it at this point. The boy has always seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to you.

“Gyu?” you whisper, testing if he’s waking up or not. His eyes flutter open, so slightly and sleepily that you barely see it. When he notices you standing at his door, he shifts on the bed to make room for you. He pats the spot next to him on the mattress, and your body responds to his call immediately. It seems the magnets attracting you together have never left.

You settle in beside him, cozying up to his warmth. Your eyes are unblinking as they stare at his ceiling. You barely feel like you’re in your own body as Beomgyu tucks you into his side. You only sort of register it as the weight of his arm falls across your waist.

“You came back,” Beomgyu says, voice scratchy and deep from sleep.

“You knew I would.” He doesn’t respond. He knows it’s true.

His breathing is starting to grow slower again, and your heart pounds in unease. You won’t be able to fall asleep. You don’t want him to leave you in the real world right now.

“Beomgyu,” you say in a quiet voice. He hums in response, and you feel the vibration of it in your bones. “I ended things with Soobin.”

He freezes. You don’t even feel him breathe anymore. You keep your gaze off of him; if he’s happy, you don’t want to see it. He tries to sit up, but you coax him back down. You don’t want to be up right now.

You continue, “Or, I guess, he ended things with me.”

His silence would irritate you if you didn’t feel so numb. You focus on your breathing, still staring at the ceiling. You feel weightless, like your body could break from the slightest shove.

Finally, he moves beside you. It’s just a turn of his head, but it’s enough to make you feel a little less stiff. You feel his eyes on you, but you can’t be bothered to meet them.

“Well, I’m not gonna say I’m sorry…” he says. You don’t need to look at him to know that he’s smiling.

“I know. Cause you’re an asshole.”

“But I’m not a liar.”

“Sometimes I wish you were,” you sigh. Your life might’ve been easier in that case.

He ignores that. “I’m here for you. Whatever you want, whatever you miss from him, I’m here.”

You don’t need that. You just need a cork in your chest to fill the space your heart has leapt from. His bandages will never stop the bleeding when it’s this profuse.

“I think you were right, I don’t know if this city’s right for me,” you admit quietly, resting your head on his chest. You hope the world is kind enough to let you find sleep tonight. His response comes in the form of hugging you closer to his body. You let it happen, soaking in all his warmth and comfort. This might be the last time you see him, after all.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You don’t say goodbye. You pack a couple bags while Beomgyu’s not home, doing your best to ignore your blurred vision from the tears welling in your eyes. Chaewon greets you with open arms when you arrive at her place.

“Just these?” Chaewon asks, picking up your bags.

“Yeah, I didn’t grab everything. I left most of my stuff there,” you explain, voice hoarse from your crying earlier.

“That’s okay.” She brings your bags to her work room, which she promised to repurpose for you as your own room. You tried saying that you could crash on her couch for now, but she insisted that she’d do this for you, even if it’s just for a couple weeks.

The room is mostly empty—Chaewon must’ve been up all night clearing it out—save for her desk in the corner. You’re reminded of when you moved into your apartment with Beomgyu. The thrill of independence, of being a young adult in a new corner of the world. Everything was exciting and new back then, and you miss the innocence that came with it.

“My friend has a twin size mattress that he’s bringing over later today, we can find a frame for that at some furniture store,” Chaewon says.

“Oh my gosh, your friend doesn’t have to do that!” you exclaim. You already feel yourself becoming a burden. “An air mattress is fine.”

“Stop, I’m probably doing him a favor helping him get rid of it. I’m not making you sleep on an air mattress, those things suck.”

“We shouldn’t buy a bed frame yet, I don’t know how long I’ll be here,” you reason, but Chaewon’s not hearing it, shaking her head and dismissing the thought with a wave of her hand.

“We can just get something cheap. I know a really good place. I got mine there for, like, three hundred.” Your eyes widen. You can’t control your natural reaction to a great bargain. “Yeah, I know. So let’s go there.”

The rest of the day goes by in a blur of setting the bed frame up, putting half of your things away, and chatting with Chaewon about how nervous you are about this.

The two of you are cramped into your twin bed, talking the night away like it was any normal sleepover. Chaewon gave you one of her LED lamps, and its multicolored glow is the only source of light in the room. You lean into her, and she lets you practically use her as a pillow.

“Did you tell Beomgyu?” she asks. Her fingers run through your hair calmingly.

“No.” You don’t know if you should feel bad for that. He is your best friend...

“You don’t have to,” she reassures. “You should mute his number. He’s going to find out fast and bug you nonstop.”

Your eyes well up once again. You would have never, ever imagined your friendship with Beomgyu would come to this. Is it for the better? You’ll hate yourself forever if this is the wrong choice. If only you could see into the future. That would have saved you a lot of trouble long ago.

“He’ll know I came to you. He knows exactly where to show up,” you say.

“He could knock on my door all damn day if he wants, he’s not coming in.”

“With how he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he brought a blanket and started sleeping at your door,” you joke. Your laughter is quick to turn to tears, and you don’t even know why. You wipe your eyes, not wanting to cry again, but you can’t help the loss you feel. Beomgyu’s your best friend. You just wish it could’ve stayed that way.

“It’s okay,” Chaewon comforts.

“No, I don’t want to cry,” you say, sniffling back the rest of your tears. “Let’s just watch videos and fall asleep.”

Chaewon leans over to pick up her tablet at the end of your bed, unlocking it to resume the movie you were playing in the background earlier. “Do you still want to watch this?” she asks.

“We should put on YouTube,” you offer instead. You yawn, closing your eyes as she looks for something interesting to put on. You’re already asleep by the time she makes her choice.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The first thing you see after waking up is Beomgyu’s texts. Chaewon would tell you to ignore him, but she’s sleeping soundly next to you and therefore can’t judge you for opening his texts immediately.

[Beomgyu] u out for the night?

[Beomgyu] helloooooo

[Beomgyu] ok well make sure u get to work on time

You should be getting ready for work. You shouldn’t be answering him. You don’t even know what to say, but your fingers itch to respond.

He still doesn’t know you won’t be coming back for a bit. Should you keep it that way? An ache in your heart begs you to spill everything to him. You look at Chaewon again, making sure she’s asleep. You look back to your phone with a sigh and let your fingers fly across the keyboard without a second thought.

You don’t reread the text once you send it. The only move you make afterwards is to mute his notifications. Something about it makes you feel so empty. You don’t know if you feel like a whole new person or the shell of a person. You don’t have time to linger on it either, because you have to get ready for work.

The feeling persists throughout the day. You feel like a robot, like you’re living life on autopilot, letting your body carry you around while your soul is busy searching for the important answers. You don’t care which font your boss would like best for the title on this report, you don’t care what kind of smoothie your coworker should get. You want to know how to fix your life.

Your walk back from work is much stranger now that you can’t take the path your feet have memorized so well. The thought that this could be the path you’d walk to walk everyday for weeks or even months strikes you with a sort of dismal feeling. This feels different than going to Chaewon’s place after work just to hang out. This is going to Chaewon’s place because that’s where you have to go.

You’re not granted reprieve from the whirlwind of thoughts as you make your way home to Chaewon. You question every choice you’ve made up to this point, all the way back to if moving here with Beomgyu was ever a good idea in the first place.

Is there a way to repair all the damage that has been done? The thought of starting all over again is frightening. If you ruined it all, if there’s no going back to how things were, then you might as well make a life for yourself somewhere new.

Maybe you could convince Chaewon to fly across the country with you. You picture a life where you don’t have to worry about bumping into Beomgyu or Soobin again. It both frightens and intrigues you. You can’t be so greedy, though; she has everything set out for her here. You can’t rip her away from the city that loves her so much. You just wish it was as good to you.

The possibilities of what could have been haunt you. You look at passing couples with a sense of envy, picturing you and Soobin in their place. Every store you pass, every street you walk down is a memory that you’ve made. It’s almost too much to handle.

Your feet almost stop as you pass the library. You only let your eyes linger on the building for a few seconds, but that’s long enough to make your insides twist. The warm lights that seep through the windows don’t feel comforting to you anymore. You walk a little faster and tug your jacket closer to your body. The trip back to Chaewon’s feels a little colder now.

You open your messages with Beomgyu as you near her place. You don’t know if you should be happy or scared that he still hasn’t responded. You finally allow yourself to read your parting message, feeling a little emptier as the words linger in your mind with nothing back from him.

Hi Gyu, I’m staying with Chaewon for a bit. I’ll come back if and when I’m ready. I really regret a lot of my recent decisions, and I think I just needed this as a refresh.

Don’t be mad at me. You’ll always be my best friend. Love ya

You swallow down the knot building in your throat. This is for the better. You repeat the phrase like a mantra as you make it to Chaewon’s house. You wonder when her place will start feeling enough like home, when you’ll stop craving to return to your real one. You open the door and shove down all your thoughts and feelings.

This is for the better.

notes: sorry team soobin. sorry team beomgyu. no one wins... and maybe that's what needed to happen... much love and i hope you enjoyed the read!!!

taglist: @beomgyusluver @blankliving @ewsnup @flowzel @immelissaaa @multistansimp4life @nanamongmong

#txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #soobin x reader #txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt angst #soobin angst #beomgyu angst #txt fic #beomgyu fic #soobin fic

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