#he's not entirely straight

[thegreatwicked]

50 NSFW Character Questions: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Alright! Here you go, you buncha smut hounds! JK, I was gonna do this anyway, lol. Have funsies.

Biggest turn-on? When you're in work mode and you've completely forgotten he's there, watching you, discreetly, of course. Your confidence in your abilities and the simple grace with which you execute the simplest of duties. The graceful way your hands hold your lightsaber, he knows what those hands are capable of and he often has to cough away a groan that's threatening to break free.

Biggest turn-off? Arrogance and deceit. Don't lie to him, ever. He'll know.

3. Quiest way to get horny? Clandestine touches that linger a bit too long, teasing him. A brush of your foot against his calf when you sit at the same table while crossing your legs, pretending you didn't notice. Lingering glances when you catch him staring at you followed by a quick appraisal of him, you know he's watching and he likes that. When sitting next to him and your hand brushes his knee then takes a little caressing detail on his thigh before pulling away. It looks so innocent and perhaps even an accident, doesn't it? He knows better, and it only makes him want you more.

4. Top 3 places to be touched?

Lower back, shoulders, thighs. Those Jedi robes are so thick and sometimes heavy, especially when wet. So when he's able to get them off and he tugs off his boots after a long day a sweet caress of your hands across his lower back where the aches tend to lodge does wonders for him. Most back pain is psychological and Obi-Wan carries much of his weight on his shoulders so a little gentle and circular pressure on the tight muscles on his shoulders will always put him in an agreeable mood. His thighs, it's a particular situation that finds this type of touch a possibility and it usually involves shim sitting on the bed or the floor meditating. It's the perfect opportunity to slink up behind him and run your hands along his muscular thighs and watch how the muscles tense and flex under your fingertips.

5. Do you like the idea of a threesome or a moresome?

He's no virgin and he surely had some escapades in his youth though those are tales he keeps to himself, certainly. He considers himself a one-woman/man partner. He likes to keep things intimate between the two of you. More than one partner sounds tiring these days.

6. Sex or masturbation?

He indulges in both though he's more likely to enjoy sex rather than masturbation not because he's denying himself pleasure but because he doesn't often think about it without you there to stir his passions. Still, there are moments late at night when you're on his mind and he's missing your touch, or times when the water in the refresher is the perfect temperature and the water gliding down his body reminds him of your lips on his skin...

7. Spit or swallow?

He knows not all women enjoy swallowing so he'll never expect you to. But if you want to see a side of Master Kenobi that few have ever seen, swallow every drop and lick your lips while looking him in the eye. Then ask him for more.

8. Rough or romantic sex?

He's a passionate and sensual lover so he loves taking his time, after all, you deserve no less, don't you? However, there are instances where he's a little more... needy for control. It's about as rare an instance as they come, but even a total solar eclipse comes around like clockwork.

9. Loud or quiet partners?

He's considerate of those who might be within earshot, and it's not about the volume, it's about the enthusiasm. Your quiet little whimpers affect him just as deeply as when you cry out his name. He's a fan of moments where you have to be quiet, keeping his thrusts slow and deep with his finger in your mouth to give you something to occupy yourself. All the while telling you,

"Shh, darling, that's right, we wouldn't want anyone to find us, now would we? That's a good girl."

10. How much foreplay?

Hours. The man will stretch this intimate act out for as long as he can because for him the art of seduction deserves no less. He loves it that you crave him so much that you're practically mauling him to take you.

11. How much teasing does he like?

He certainly likes a bit of teasing but it's never to be cruel. Only to heighten desire and sensation. As for him being teased, even if he begs you to end his torment, he secretly loves every second of it.

12. Hookups or only partners?

He's had a few hookups as a young Padawan, but those tapered off as he took on a Padawan of his own. Now he much prefers the comfort of a relationship with a partner who he knows and trusts, to know you so well that he knows your thoughts and desires before you even think it. All the better for him to please you.

13. How much kissing during sex?

The only thing that stops him from kissing you is the position you're in. If it were up to him, he'd never stop, that's what lips were made for.

14. Favorite place to have sex?

He has a penchant for wanting you when it's least convenient and he doesn't particularly care where that is. But he enjoys it mostly when it's someplace safe and secure like a private quarters. But if a senator's office happens to be vacant for a short time, the mood tends to strike him.

15. Would he have sex in public?

He would never put you in a position where either of your reputations could be sullied by such a sacred act but he would most certainly not turn down the opportunity.

16. Last place he had sex?

His quarters on the ship just before docking, darling, don't you remember? Must have done quite a number on you then...

17. Where would he most like to have sex?

He doesn't care but if he could, he would whisk you away to some quiet planet far from the chaos of Coruscant and the Temple, a place where only the noon sun would wake you and clothing would be optional, of course.

18. Spontaneous sex or does he need to be in the mood?

He has to mostly be in the mood because he is a Jedi Master after all, he does have to restrain himself and duties to attend to. However, when you tease him like you did this morning in that council meeting... Well... Spontaneity can be the harbinger of bliss.

19. Would he go for a hookup at a stranger's house?

When he was younger, probably. These days, no.

20. Biggest kink?

Sensory play. He loves cutting off your senses to heighten all others. Blindfolds, masks, dark rooms, each one isn't only an encounter, it's an opportunity. And he is a man of opportunity.

21. Is he ok with name-calling?

No, it takes real prodding to get him to call you anything worse than his naughty girl. He would never call you his little slut, or so he thinks...

22. Would he do BDSM?

Yes, it's an exercise in complete trust, control and respect.

23. Would he prefer to tie you up or be tied up?

He'll do both. He loves to have you at his mercy but surprisingly enough, he adores it when you take control and restrain him. He loves the feeling of letting go and being overwhelmed by pleasure by one who knows him so well. To know that you can touch him but he can't touch you, after a busy day as a Master on the High Council making decisions and ordering others around, he's perfectly content letting you call the shots.

24. Does he like orgasm denial?

He'll never deny you anything for long, he can't bear it. You were meant for him to touch as please and spoil. Even if he agrees to such a game, he'll be giving in faster than you. On the flip side, he wasn't sure what he thought of the idea at first until he learned to relish the exquisite pleasure of denial and the tsunami of ecstasy that awaited him once you gave in to his pleading.

25. Does he like overstimulation?

Yes, but his tolerance is low. After one he's a bit of a mess and it's a rare occasion when you can bring him to three in a row before he's begging to touch you instead. Pleading for the exquisite torment to end. And when it's his turn, he's unmerciful because he knows you love it when he takes control and you're powerless to stop the tide of pleasure that washes over you on his command. But he will always stop when you tell him to, that's what safewords are for, darling.

26. Does he like pain being involved?

No. Sex is for pleasure, not pain. You've both experienced far too much of that for it to have any place in your bed.

27. Does he like dirty talk?

Oh. Stars. They don't call him the Negotiator for nothing. He's a silver tongue in every sense of the word and he'll use the most eloquent and beautiful words to describe in excruciating detail all the things and ways he wants to ravage your body.

28. Does he own sex toys? How many?

While there are toys available across the galaxy, Obi-Wan prefers a more... blasphemous approach. After all, what greater toy is there than the invisible Force that binds all things and flows through all creatures that he can bend to his will just as readily and easily as you can? Yes, the occasional toy might make it into the sanctuary that is your bedroom but they're never a prominent feature for long.

29. What does he masturbate to?

Mostly memories of you. He's well aware such holos exist but while he's watched them, when he's alone his thoughts are consumed with you. Remembering all the ways you quiver when he touches you and the ferocity in which you shatter for him and how you beg for more.

30. Multiple rounds or will he settle for one orgasm?

Multiple rounds. He is a Jedi after all. Just don't expect to give him back-to-back orgasms, the poor man is a bit delicate in that regard.

31. Does he enjoy giving oral?

He enjoys it and treats it like a performance or a ritual. He relished every taste of you knowing he's the only one who will ever have the pleasure. Connecting with you in a way when you're at your most vulnerable, your most exposed, using his in-depth knowledge of your body to bring you as much pleasure as you can stand.

32. Does he prefer giving or receiving oral?

He's a giver but the poor man rarely allows himself to be spoiled, so sometimes you have to simply take charge. He sometimes seems to forget that pleasure is mutual and once he gives in, it never takes long, he's a mess of a man. Legs splayed wide, his hair a disheveled mess, chest heaving struggling to remember how to breathe, he can't bring himself to stop his hips thrusting upward and even though you're gagging on him he still insists on trying to get out an apology. A gentleman even at this moment. And he's not quiet about it, he's loud. Each moan is so unrestrained it's almost music, especially when he begins to stutter his words, signaling his impending orgasm. When it washes over him he's nearly boneless as if he forgot just how good it feels to be spoiled himself.

33. What makes him orgasm the fastest?

Not that he'll ever admit it, and not that it works for anyone else except for you, but calling him by his title of Master or specifically General seems to have quite an effect on him. When your eyes roll back in ecstasy and you beg him for more, to hurt you a little bit is what usually signals the end for him. It's close to darkness and it's tempting to fall over with you.

34. Does he like/do anal/pegging?

He'll try probably try anything once, if you want him to fuck your ass he'll do it because he wants you and desires your pleasure. And if he's being honest with himself, he's always wanted to have you completely like that. But he would never be the first to mention it or ask for it. As for pegging, it would be a slow and sensual process because it is at that moment about his pleasure and while he might be a bit reluctant to admit it, he wants someone to take control over him. Be gentle with your General here.

35. Favorite position?

Loves having you in his lap because he's thinking about how much he wants to have you riding him in his council chair. Loves having you on top because he can lay back and admire your beauty. He also likes the Lotus, because it goes well with meditation. He also loves the Lazy Dog because it makes it easier to whisper all those salacious things to you and you can't escape him.

36. Does he use protection?

What Jedi doesn't? He would be very careful.

37. Does he masturbate with clothes on?

And risk making a mess of his robes? Never. He likes being naked.

38. How does he prefer his partner's hair/grooming?

He prefers a kept appearance but ultimately he's not terribly particular.

39. What does he wear to bed?

If he's alone? Nothing. He likes the feeling of smooth sheets on his skin because it reminds him of your touch.

40. What does he like his partner to wear?

He's a simple man and he likes you in nothing at all. But he loves finding you in his shirt or just his robes.

41. Does he like his balls played with?

Quickest was to make a mess of Master Kenobi while giving in him a blow job. He loves it.

42. What is his sexuality?

As straight as my spine, but he's loyal to his lover. He is probably pansexual.

43. Does he have extreme or unusual kinks?

Nothing extreme but he has a bit of a taboo role play he likes and that's the classic Master/Padawan, but only with you, of course.

44. How often does he masturbate?

He tends to neglect his personal desires, so not often but when he finds himself in a rare moment of peace, and arousal, maybe several times in a single day. He's never counted.

45. Favorite toy?

You.

46. Does he like roleplay?

Yes, loves it. Conisders it a healthy and safe way to discover one's own darkness and know oneself. Loves the Master/Padawan thing, after he discovered Anakin and Padme's romance he realized he likes the idea of the Jedi and the Civil Servant, with emphasis on the servant.

47. Any festishes?

No.

48. Aftercare?

You could not ask for a better lover for aftercare. He will hold you till you stop shaking, draw warm water for a bath, and sink into it with you while washing your hair all the while telling you how beautiful you look and how amazing you are.

49. Does he ever go comando?

You know it. Jedi robes come standard, underwear? Not so much.

50. Phone sex?

Com conversations are usually not something that can be concealed but if he steps away from earshot he might tell you how much he's looking forward to having you alone again. And if a holo transmission happens to come through and he's alone in his quarters for the night, he'll take great pleasure in instructing you to do as he likes and he'll absolutely return the favor.

Alright! That's Obi-Wan, what did you guys think? Should I do more? Oh, should I do a Sith Obi-Wan???? Who else should I do? Maul? Hux? Quinlan Voss? Enjoy my dears.

@pickleprickle @hereticpriest @decembermidnight @burnthecheshirewitch @starvingbrokestudent @bad4amficideas @split-spectrum @imherefordeanandbones @rivnedell

[varpusvaras]

Fox gets kidnapped once. It's because he's the Commander of the Guard and he actually knows a lot about the Chancellor and the wildly different security measures on Coruscant, because at this point, he's kinda responsible for them all. All in one package.

Expect the kidnappers use some sort of tranquliaser or other drug on him, and Fox, who has not eaten for 23 hours and has not slept for at least four times as long, drops like a fucking fly that has been zapped.

Cody gets there with the rest of the 212th after a while and proceeds to beat the shit out of all the kidnappers. Fox has no idea any of this is happening. He's having the best fucking sleep he's gotten in months.

[simplenefelibata]

as much as i love sam knowing about destiel before dean does, there's something about "i mean yeah my brother and his angel best friend are really weird about each other, live together, co-parent a kid, nearly kill themselves every time the other is gone, stand too close and stare at the other's mouth while they talk, but i mean to each their own i guess??" that's so special to me

[pocketpencils]

That's a tall order to ask of him and you know that, Axel

[puppetmaster13u]

3am Prompt/Au Idea

What if, like love evil Dick in DC Vampires, more power to him, but like, imagine for a second...

Bruce, after finding out one of his kids is the self-proclaimed Vampire King, just holds up his hand, gathers up said kids into a room and just-

"I am not mad-" Several exchange looks that are half alarmed and half guilty, seeing as they're unsure why they've been gathered up at this moment. "-nor am I disappointed."

Bruce, fully channeling dad mode, "But what did we agree on for world domination plans?" (Somewhere a snooping hero chokes)

"Not to do it when you're on world so you don't have to at least attempt to stop us?"

"Exactly. Now, which one of you broke the rule and now has new medical information you didn't inform Alfred of...?"

[egophiliac]

(breathing into a paper bag) FRALIO....

can't believe they gave us another guy. oh my god. so I guess Kelka is more, uhhh, more OOO then, and Fralio is Ankh? not that it matters too much, although they do seem to be doing something with the connected Riders so. who knows. anything goes! or if I may, anything gOOOes! god. of course they're the Ambition parallel. of course they are. oh my god.

fortunately there's nothing else they can throw at me right now that could possibly --

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[treeprince]

never let it be said that shen yuan doesnt fight for his man with bloody teeth

he started off already risking being sent back to his dead body to protect baby binghe the best he could on his first meeting and then continued to do so once the ooc shackles came off, made sure he felt loved and safe and at home on cqm, gave him every advantage he could think of (and then wondered why binghe got out of the abyss 2 yrs early, honey...), but bc those scum villain blinders were on so tight, he doesnt accept that he (the man shen yuan inside the character shen qingqiu) can change his own path enough to not be killed, and plans his own death accordingly bc he wont ever fight against binghe again if he can help it, i just...

this man loves binghe so much that he couldnt even conceive of a world in which binghe loves him back - and thats not just the comphet olympics in his brain talking, sy genuinely believes he's unlovable and only maybe sort of likeable by his fellow peak lords, and part of that comes from being forced into a scum villains role and not knowing the bigger picture behind sqq's actions (not even touching on how sy barely saw the entire cast of pidw as people until binghe actually looked hurt to him), but the rest was already preprogrammed before he transmigrated, and i want to know who hurt him so bad - bc all sy could imagine is that the whole world should love binghe, bc thats howmuch sy loves him the story is supposed to go, but all he could imagine for himself was gratitude at best and his demise at worst, until the very moment that it becomes clear that lbh has done everything, fucking EVERYTHING, to get sqq to love him back and i just SCREAMS

i cant imagine that sy would just let binghe go if he should ever decide to love someone else, the possession goes both ways with these two, and sy would fight tooth and nail to keep binghe for himself

[black-and-yellow]

[tackykachowch]

How it feels to not like timebomb after s2

[offkilterkeys]

The world isn’t ready for my alpha kid readings.

[suchasurfriend]

his stupid ass laugh i'm fuckidnfhehshdhd

[vaguely-concerned]

the barista lady in the treviso café fucking giggles every time you buy the fancy coffee lucanis likes from her btw. can't believe the game is calling out rook and me like this

[krysmcscience]

Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)

This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)

I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)

Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!

Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!

He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!

Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.

Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:

I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao

Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)

Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:

He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.

To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.

Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)

A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~

The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D

No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.

I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:

He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)

And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:

Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:

Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)

whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now

I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE

[larrylimericks]

20Nov24

The thing that could always bring gladness Will now surely always bring sadness. Four men in black dress Laid their brother to rest. Liam’s gone? What the fuck is this madness?

[rawbin-hsr]

OMGGG Your latest smut fic is so amazing!!! The smut is absolutely delicious! but....the angst is breaking my heart so...could you please write a continuation or part two where the reader confronts Aventurine's dark internal thoughts and comforts them? A fic where they actually get him to believe that they love him for real, where they tell him that he's not a monster and that he wasn't ruining them.

You've got it ! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Aventurine x Reader

You treat Aventurine with more respect than he deserves. (Part 2)

Read part 1 here !

CW: dehumanisation (internal, thoughts Aventurine has of himself, referring to himself as a “monster”), lots of mentions of death, passively suicidal Aventurine, violent imagery (through metaphors, nobody is actually physically harmed), intrusive thoughts, Aventurine thinks kind of vicious things about you (refers to you as "stupid", "brainless", "naive" etc), cursing.

Lmk if there’s anything else I should warn about !!

Small note: Spoiler alert sorry, but you will not completely fix Aventurine in this fic. Making any real progress would take YEARS. The trauma he's gone through and his beliefs about his own humanity are EXTREMELY deep-seated, just one conversation would not be enough to make him truly believe he was loved. Super sorry since I'm sure that's not what you wanted (you specifically requested they "truly get him to believe that they love him for real", but this does still end on a hopeful note so I hope you won't be too disappointed (•ᴗ•,, ) )

Sometimes Aventurine gains enough clarity to remember where he stands. More importantly, he gains enough clarity to remember where you should stand. That is to say, as far away from him as possible. Unfortunately, you are never keen on doing that. 

In these moments of clarity, he distances himself. If you won’t do it, he has to. He needs to. He needs to even when he can feel the little pieces of him that you’ve managed to haphazardly glue together splinter into tiny shards again, even when it feels like every step away is a step walked on shattered glass. He can hardly be called a ‘person’ anyways, what does his suffering matter? He has already lost so many good things, why not add another loss to the tally?

He reads your texts, but he doesn’t respond. He hangs up on you the moment you call. By doing this, he makes sure you know he is alive. Both because he knows it would devastate you if you thought he died, but even more so to make sure you know he is intentionally ignoring you. He hopes at least some part of you hates him. He thinks part of him hates you.

But he can never stay away for long. Like a werewolf called by the full moon; like a vampire to blood; like a siren to a sailor. Thoughts of you always cloud his mind too much to do what is right. He reminds himself he will destroy you. He comes back anyways. He is too selfish not to. 

And you welcome him with open arms every time. Sure, sometimes you yell. Sometimes you berate him. Sometimes you cry. But he never does something beyond the bounds of what you’ll forgive, even though he tries to. You’re patient to a fault. Though he feels bad, he never takes it fully seriously, because you always hold him with so much sweetness, even when your words are filled with righteous anger and justified hurt. You always end it by reminding him that you love him. Something clenches in his chest; something that is not his heart, because he has none. He claims he is sorry, but you both know he will do this again. He always does. You know he will hurt you over and over, even if you don’t know the extent. You know he will test you, that he will ignore you, that he will cling to you and that he will taunt you. You don’t know he will drag his claws through you and tear you to ribbons; you don’t know he will sink his teeth into your neck and drink all your blood; you don’t know he will lure you to sea and drown you. You are never aware of the true danger you are in. 

Maybe that’s why you one day feel comfortable enough to corner the creature that has taken on the appearance of a lover. You sit down next to him in bed one evening after one of his many attempts to push you away, your expression grim. You look straight ahead, right into his dead eyes, unaware that a monster is towering over you. 

“We can’t go on like this,” you say. For one moment, the crushing relief and devastation threatens to consume him, and he’s not sure which of the feelings is stronger. For one moment he can’t breathe. 

He hacks our a laugh, his skin straining. Something is shifting beneath his flesh, something ugly and dangerous. He needs to leave and he needs to do it quickly. 

“You’re right, we can’t,” he agrees, his voice a lot more steady than he feels. He feels the urge to grab you and shake you until you pass out. He feels the urge to suck out your life force until your body is an empty husk. He feels the urge to slam your head into the bathroom sink in the next room over. He feels the urge to shoot himself in the head, because he does not want to do any of that. 

“I love you,” you say, unexpectedly. Or maybe it’s not unexpected. You always say such stupid, brainless things. (You say it with sweetness. The only sweetness he can offer in return is the sweetness of bacteria digesting rotting meat. Is the flesh his, or will it be yours?) He laughs again. 

“I thought we were breaking up,” he says. Smirking, as if it’s funny. (It isn’t.)

“No, we’re really not,” you say firmly. He snorts. 

“Maybe we should.”

You don’t answer. Instead, you come closer. 

Get away, he thinks. Run, you fucking idiot. 

You don’t have many flaws, but the ones you do have are insurmountably big. You are too forgiving, you are too kind, you are too selfless, you are too naive. You will kill yourself doing this one day. You will let him kill you.

Your arms wrap around him. He can’t help but relax. The thing lurking under his human disguise grows more restless. 

“I don’t hate you,” you say, unexpectedly. And this one really is unexpected, because what made you say that? Your arms squeeze around him tighter. “I thought I was being obvious enough about that, but you’re so bad at understanding it.”

The feeling he has is the same as the feeling he gets when he realises a deal is going awry. You are the highest risk stakes he has ever made a bet on: will he ruin you, or will you ruin him? What you could do to him is so much more serious than death. He knows that he is holding a losing hand. He doesn’t even know what he stands to win.

You kiss his neck. He shudders. 

“Why are you so scared of me?” you ask. 

Scared? He is not scared. What an outright laughable concept. Neither of you are scared, but if one of you was, it should be you, but you aren’t, for some reason.

“What gives you that idea?” he chuckles, but his voice is not as steady this time, and he can feel his smile slipping. (What is wrong with him? He doesn’t want to think about it. The answer is always ‘everything’.)

“Your hand is shaking.”

It is, but that is not because he is afraid. Fear is a human response, borne from the desire to live. It is instinctual. It means kicking and screaming, it means clawing your way out of hell for the chance to see another day, it means fighting for the life you don’t want to end. He cannot die, you see. Death cannot occur twice. Just because his body reacts, that does not necessarily mean he can truly fear any longer.

(Then again, maybe his reaction does not come from the thought of his death.)

“I’m not scared,” he says, and his voice sounds a lot weaker than he had expected. You pull him closer, cradling his head against the crook of your neck. His blood is pulsing too quickly.

“It would be okay if you were,” you murmur. “I know you don’t know how to be loved. That’s okay. I’ll teach you. You just have to let me.”

Squash. Slice. Tear.

Maybe you are the monster. He can feel your claws prying his chest open; he can feel your teeth dig into his flesh; he can feel something that is not air fill his lungs. The biggest difference between you and him is that he devours, while you give. You painfully shove something back into the cavity meant to contain his soul, you pump blood back into his system, and you fill whatever gaps are left in him with something that is first cold but quickly warms. 

(He realises, belatedly, that something is pumping inside his chest again. But it can’t be a heart, can it? He lost that so long ago.)

“I’ll kill you,” he manages through gritted teeth, claws digging into your shirt. It is not a threat. It is not a warning. It is just the truth.

“You think too much,” you admonish him. Your tone is as gentle as your words are cutting. “I wish you would trust me more. You’re so determined to ruin your own life, and I don’t like it.”

“That’s just how I am. Deal with it or leave.”

“I’ll deal with it, then.”

Like a werewolf called by the full moon; like a vampire to blood; like a siren to a sailor. He will destroy you. But you accept it. 

He has tried time and time again to push you away, but he is weak. So incorrigibly weak, and though your flaws are insurmountable, his are all-consuming. He is a monster in all the ways that matter. But you stubbornly will not leave despite that. 

(Maybe that makes him a little more willing to try to change his nature. Just a little. Just for you. If you will not leave anyways, maybe he could try to make his presence a little less torturous.)

“Just… please stop ignoring me,” you sigh, nuzzling into his hair. Tenderly, tenderly, tenderly, so tenderly it makes his skin crawl. Your claws are softly piercing into him and he is helpless, unable (unwilling) to fight back. “I can deal with everything else. I just hate it when you do that. I can’t keep going weeks without speaking to you. I know you have some kind of… weird ideas that I’d be better off without you, but that’s not true. I love you, and I love being around you. I can’t help you when you cut me off at every corner.”

Cut, slice, slash.

Something in him breaks. Something he knows cannot be salvaged. Something he knows you would not want to salvage. Something he is not sure if he wants to salvage either, now that it is broken anyways.

He breathes a shaky breath, his fingers — his fingers, not claws, not this time — digging into your back. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, and he does not feel the urge to bite down. Though his eyes feel wet, it would not be enough water to drown you. 

He knows your line of logic is wrong. He knows the fact remains unchanged: he is a monster of a man. He will ruin you. But maybe your presence sparks enough electricity to keep his heart pumping, just for a little while, and maybe he can wait until things actually start going downhill before he lets you go. Maybe he can remember how to be a human for a bit, maybe he can pretend he is. 

“I just… don’t want to do something I can’t take back,” he whispers. “Not with you. You’re the… the only good thing I have left. I don’t know what I’d do if I…”

“That’s sweet, but I’m not as weak as you think I am,” you reply. “I’ve held out this long, haven’t I? Put more faith in me.”

He smiles.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

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[seraphemmes]

it’s always good to be prepared