#he's got all this supernatural fear but guess what she has!!! a brain!!!

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

remember when Coco played chess with the smiling man and WON I think about that constantly

[captainsophiestark]

I Made You Breakfast

Kai Parker x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Summary: Kai's on his apology tour, and Y/N is his next stop after things didn't go too well with Damon or Bonnie

Word Count: 2,000

Category: Fluff, Humor, a little bit of Angst

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I sighed to myself as I headed downstairs in my favorite pair of sweats, mentally making a list of everything I had to do today. It was an unfortunately long list, compounded by the latest supernatural drama, which my friends insisted on dragging me into. Bonnie had finally made it home from the prison world, thankfully, but that didn't mean any of the drama in our lives had gone away. In fact, it had almost doubled, with news of Damon's mother floating around in another prison world somewhere. I got halfway through an eyeroll at the memory of everything going on lately when I stopped dead in my tracks.

I could smell bacon, eggs, and toast wafting up towards me from the kitchen. Someone was here, in my house, cooking breakfast. And with everything going on lately, I knew for a fact it wasn't one of my friends.

I glanced around, grabbing a stake off the nearest end table. No vampire should have been able to get into my house unless they were a friend I'd already let in, but I'd had enough near-death experiences despite that fact that I was constantly prepared.

I crept towards the kitchen, trying to listen for any signs of trap or trouble. All I could hear was a faint clinking of plates. If someone had seriously broken into my house, why the hell were they just hanging out in my kitchen making breakfast?

I got my answer a second later when I burst through the door, going for the element of surprise, and found none other than Kai Parker standing before me.

"Oh, hey!" he said, jumping and spinning to face me with wide eyes. "You're up!"

"...Yup. And... you're here. In my kitchen. Making breakfast."

"Yeah! I hope you like it. Here, let me get your plate. I thought I'd have a few more minutes."

With that, he turned to the stove and starting scooping scrambled eggs and toast onto a plate. I just watched him, not moving an inch.

"Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

He turned back around to look at me again, his eyes wide and the plate half-finished in his hand. After a moment, his expression morphed into a sheepish grin. I just blinked at him, my expression unchanging.

"Well, after I merged with Luke, I started getting all these... feelings." He said the word like somebody else might say 'zits' or 'rash'. "And one of those has been guilt, for some of the stuff I put you through. Or I guess, your friends, mostly. I tried apologizing to Bonnie earlier, and... it didn't go well."

His expression darkened, and I frowned. But a moment later, the clouds apparently cleared, and Kai fixed me with a beaming smile again.

"So I thought I'd try again with you. In the Prison World, I saw Damon making Bonnie breakfast all the time, and she seemed to really like that. So I figured you might, too."

I just stared at him for a few long moments without saying anything. I turned my options over and over in my mind, trying to get my still half-asleep brain to make a rational choice. I probably should've been incredibly freaked out that Kai was here at all, but I'd actually had a few positive interactions with him even before the whole merge thing, and had kind of started to like him. Or, at least, started to think he had some ally potential, despite other things he did. We'd even bonded over music taste and his new fascination with social media, and he'd tried to help Sheriff Forbes, although it hadn't necessarily been out of the goodness of his heart. For some reason, I just couldn't muster the fear or anger I probably should've been feeling when I looked at him in my house. Finally, I sighed, my mind made up. No reason to try to force bad feelings when they wouldn't come on their own, right?

"Thanks, Kai," I said, actually meaning it as I moved over to the dining table. "Aside from the fact that you broke into my house to do it... that's actually pretty sweet."

He beamed at me, and I found myself returning his smile. He turned back around to finish making my plate, and I shook my head. This was absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn't say I minded very much.

"Here you go!" he said, setting the plate down in front of me with a big smile. He didn't move away, just standing off to the side and watching me expectantly. I picked up my fork, but didn't take my eyes off Kai.

"...Aren't you gonna join me?"

"Oh! Right. You know, I've been practicing how I was going to do this in my head all morning, and now that I'm actually doing it it's like I completely forgot everything I was planning to do. That's weird, right?"

I shrugged. "I mean, sounds like a normal part of being nervous to me."

He nodded emphatically as he returned to the table and sat across from me with a breakfast plate of his own.

"All these new... emotions from Luke have been, like, super weird. I don't know how you all deal with these all the time."

"Eh, yeah, they can be annoying sometimes. It gets easier with practice though, and I'd say on the whole they're a positive experience."

Kai nodded thoughtfully, taking a bite of his eggs as his gaze wandered around my kitchen. I took a few bites of my own food, and I had to admit, he was a surprisingly good cook.

"So..." I started. "Was this it for the apology? It's a great breakfast, but usually an apology has a little more attached..."

"Oh!" Kai's attention snapped back to me. "No no, this isn't it. I was planning to do the other part of the apology while we ate breakfast."

"Makes sense. Go for it."

He cleared his throat and shifted around in his seat, then met my eyes before hesitating again. I tried to look encouraging as I ate my eggs, and after a moment, he nodded to himself and continued.

"I'm sorry for trying to kill your friend, and testing out my power on her. And that I couldn't save your other friend's mom, even though I really couldn't do anything about that. I still... I still feel bad. And honestly, I'm mostly sorry for everything I've done that hurt you, even if it was indirectly. I... I actually really like you, and so, uh... I don't want you to hate me. I keep getting this stabbing pain in my chest when I think about it... or when I think about that time I saw you crying over Bonnie..."

He trailed off, staring at the table instead of me, apparently lost in thought. After a moment though, he shook his head and cleared his throat, looking back up to meet my stare again. His blue eyes were wider than usual, his eyebrows pulling together, and he looked to be in actual distress for maybe the first time I'd ever seen, at least when his life wasn't being threatened.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I promise not to do anything to hurt you again. Will you give me a second chance?"

The corner of my mouth quirked up in a smile, especially at the rare senserity in his tone. I knew my friends would have quite a few things to say about this decision, but I didn't let myself think about that. At least not right now.

I sighed. "Kai, despite the fact that you broke into my house, I'm going to believe you about this whole 'turning over new leaf' thing. I... I'd be lying if I said I didn't like you too. So, if you really mean what you're saying about not hurting me or the people I care about anymore?"

He nodded so fast I was actually a little worried about him.

"Completely serious. Cross my heart and hope to die. I'm ready to join the Mystic Falls Scooby Doo team for good."

I smiled, laughing a little and shaking my head.

"Well, okay then. I can't promise anybody else on the team will be quite as easy to convince as me, but... I forgive you, Kai. I'm happy to see you like this. And, by the way, you make some very good eggs and toast."

"Thanks. I had to get good at cooking, you know, alone in the Prison World." A shadow passed over his face again, until I reached across the table and lightly rested my hand on top of his. Then, his face lit up like the sun. "And thanks for giving me a second chance. I promise, you won't regret it."

I wasn't totally sure I believed that, but I decided not to say so. Instead, I smiled and gave his hand a little squeeze before pulling back.

After a moment of silence where I could see Kai vibrating with the desire to say whatever he was holding back, he finally blurted out the other thing he'd apparently been planning to ask me this morning.

"So... I might be a little rusty about how all this works, or if it's changed since the eighties, but... would you want to go out with me sometime? Like on a date?"

I smiled, then buried my face in my hands. My friends would kill me if I said yes to this, but despite myself, I really, really wanted to.

"What's wrong?" Kai asked. I shook my head and looked up at him again.

"Nothing, Kai, I just... ugh, my friends are really not going to like this."

He smiled. "Does that mean you're saying yes?"

I took a deep breath and let it out, then shrugged and matched his smile with one of my own.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it does. What the hell, right?"

"That's great! I was thinking we could go do karaoke? I've always loved karaoke. I got good at it when I was passing time in the Prison World."

"I have to warn you, I am very much not good at karaoke. But I'll still sing my heart out with you anyway, if you want to go!"

"Perfect! We can go tonight." I laughed, and Kai's expression immediately dropped. "Is that okay? Do you not want to go tonight?"

"No, Kai, I do. It's a little fast, honestly, but I don't mind. Why wait?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking. So... should I pick you up? Around seven? We could get dinner first, and then go."

"I think that sounds like a great plan, Kai," I smiled at him, which he immediately returned. A moment later, though, his hand shot up to clutch at his chest.

"Ugh, what is... what is happening to me? Why does my heart feel like it's about to explode?"

"That's probably excitement, Kai, or butterflies, which are like positive nerves. I'm feeling them too. It's because we're looking forward to going out together tonight."

Kai made a face. "This is what people were talking about when they said they got butterflies? This is terrible." I hid a laugh behind my hand, and Kai's eyes snapped up to mine. "Wait. You said you were feeling it too?"

I nodded, and Kai's expression immediately changed to a wide grin.

"So you're excited, too?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

He nodded, the smile staying on his face as he dug in to his eggs again, glancing at me between almost every bite. I just shook my head, a smile on my own face all the same. This was going to be an adventure, going on a date with Kai Parker, and I knew my friends were going to want to murder me for it. But I couldn't totally bring myself to care.

Despite some pretty rocky history, I had a weirdly good feeling about Kai, from the moment he'd started his apology speech this morning. And so far, I'd never been wrong when I trusted my gut for stuff like this, even when it led me into karaoke. I had a good feeling it was going to be right about Kai Parker, too.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989

TVD/TO Taglist: @elenavampire21

[pipwasreal]

Day 13: demons + crossdressing

Characters: Crystal Palace, Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland

Content warnings: clubbing, underage drinking, flirtation, transformation

Crystal's pretty proud of herself for managing to convince the boys to have a night off. And not just a night off, but a night out.

She doesn't miss who she used to be, all spite and malice and jagged edges trying to hide just how scared she was all the fucking time. But she does miss dressing up and cutting loose.

She doesn't think Edwin's ever cut loose. She'd had to promise him that their first stop would be a gay bar where she was sure she'd seen some ghost patrons, just to tempt him out.

Charles hadn't needed convincing, but he had wistfully wondered aloud if there were any venues in London that still featured more brass than bass, so Crystal had found him a jazz bar. She has no idea if it's any good, but he seems excited to give it a go.

She spends longer than usual picking an outfit, aware that it'll look like she's out on her own. She decides to go a bit less flashy than she used to, more comfortable: a silky, sequinned mini dress and platform boots, dramatic make-up and a bunch of thin silver jewellery, but her natural hair and nails.

And she's feeling pretty fucking good, cocktail in hand thanks to her fake ID, with the music throbbing through her and the coloured lights pulsing down on the dancing, laughing crowd... until someone appears right behind Edwin and sniffs him.

Edwin freezes and Charles jerks forward, already reaching out to shove the stranger away, but one of their hands shoots out and grabs Charles' wrist, holding him still with no apparent effort.

Crystal's heart hammers in her chest. There's fear, sure, but she's mostly fucking angry. Tonight was supposed to be a break from supernatural nonsense.

"Hey asshole!" she yells, reaching out to grab their arm in turn. "Back off or I melt your brain."

The stranger chuckles, but does take a step back, hands raised. They're not tall but they are solidly built, with close-cropped silver hair. They're wearing boots, jeans and a leather vest with nothing under it.

Their eyes gleam demon-black.

"Sorry, kids," they say, voice smoke-rough, low and amused. "But your friend here smells like home."

Edwin had whirled around to face them. Charles hovers warily close, fingers inching toward his bag.

"You are a demon," Edwin says. "Of which level?"

The demon grins, slow and satisfied.

"Guess."

They're not Crystal's type, but their easy confidence is incredibly attractive. And they smell really good. Her face suddenly feels very warm. She takes a sip of her drink to avoid saying something stupid.

Edwin crosses his arms, expression unamused.

"What do you want with us?"

The demon eyes Edwin critically from bowtie to boots and back.

"Nothing, from you," they say, then pointedly turn their attention to Charles, looking him up and down.

"But I do feel like a change. And this one's got... potential."

Without warning, their form begins to bubble, skin and hair and clothes all glowing and warping, stretching and changing until...

"Holy fuck," says Crystal.

Another Charles stands before them, tall and slim and pretty, except for those creepy black eyes. And the outfit. The outfit is definitely different.

They're wearing a red corset top over a cropped tee, with black short shorts and boots. They've swapped out Charles' gold star earring for a silver cross, and added a velvet choker around that long neck.

Edwin gasps. Charles just laughs.

"Is that meant to be me?"

"You, only better," the demon croons, still in that low, smoky voice. "Genderfuck is in, honey."

Edwin's eyes have gone very wide and his mouth has fallen open. He seems, for once, speechless.

"Well, it's working for him," they say. "But he doesn't have the kind of energy I need..."

They grin and wink at Crystal instead. "What do you think, sweetheart?"

Crystal can hear her heartbeat in her ears, even over the music. Everything feels very warm and smooth. She licks her lips to reply.

"Oi, leave her alone!" Charles says, drawing his cricket bat.

"Calm down, I'm just testing out the new look. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've worked up quite an appetite."

[argentsunshine]

hm. tell me more about tma x p5 au pretty pleases

well hello there mystery asker yes i will tell you things about tma x p5 au

it has a plot. kind of. this plot is about 75% p5 and 25% tma (more tma towards the end)

the phantom thieves are hunting monsters? are they at risk of becoming the monsters themselves? uh it's fine don't worry about it

not all of them are hunt aligned specifically. joker and ryuji are tho

the shido conspiracy is a web thing. akechi is also a web avatar he is torn because he hates shido and everything he stands for but also he loves being a manipulative little bitch so this is very hard for him you see

the thieves know Nothing about the entities. they're just Guessing

especially pre futaba joining. futaba knows some stuff bc wakaba was researching the fears

she still doesn't know a lot

the major cases being investigated are the ones to do with the palace rulers, but the thieves have taken out more avatars than that (the equivalent of mementos requests + also the strikers monarchs being transplanted into the original game timeline because of the timeline of the au)

akira has fought avatars of. basically every entity, though he doesn't know this. is this relevant? plot important even? well :)

takemi is end-aligned. she's kind of got a similar no fear thing to georgie, except she's done more research into the entities so she has more knowledge which is why she's able to help akira with injuries such as uh. bone got turned

most of the non thief confidants are regular people, though some of them have had encounters with the supernatural

sojiro acts like he doesn't believe in any supernatural stuff but this is because he knows that poking her head too far in was probably what got wakaba killed and hes trying to protect akira + futaba from it

yaldabaoth and the web are being kind of smashed together here

please ask me more about specific things or characters i have little drabbles on half this stuff either in my brain or already written

[treesap-blogs]

GUYS YOUR MAN IS BACK! WITH A REVIEW OF “THE HONEYS” BY RYAN LA SALA!

Hello, Tumblrians! It’s been a while. I thought I’d post more consistently due to it being my Spring Break time, but alas, I was fatigued and to be honest just needed a break. Even if I post once a week, I put a lot into reviewing everything! Yeah.

BUT! I read some bangers recently. I will get those out of the way first and foremost.

The Honeys is a 2022 horror novel by Ryan La Sala, following a genderfluid teen named Mars. (I’ll be addressing them with they/he/she pronouns this whole review btw, as the MC uses all of those pronounse.) His sister recently died a grisly death after running away from the prestigious summer academy she was attending, and although the uncharacteristic behavior and aggression in her final moments can be attributed to a tumor in her brain by doctors, Mars suggests there was some foul play involved. So, he goes back to the summer academy/camp in question: Aspen, a cisnormative, kinda cultish nightmare, which Mars swore they wouldn’t return to after an incident that happened years prior, but has to in order to investigate their sister’s death. There, they end up somehow befriending the local trio of popular girls: The Honeys, called that because of their beekeeping, are alluringly and suspiciously perfect girls with a pretty exclusive friend group that Caroline was part of right before she died. But, The Honeys are definitely not as they seem, and undoubtedly have a connection to Mars’ sister’s death. On top of that, in the daytime, something within the camp starts messing with Mars’ memories, and they need to get to the bottom of what exactly that is before it’s too late.

The Honeys holds a Book Backstory that, similar to Mars’ memory/POV for most of the book, is a little hazy to me now and I have a vague recollection of the series of events that led to this being something of high priority on my TBR. Maybe I just learned it was a queer horror and was intrigued based on the premise alone! But, my school library had this in its horror shelves, and I checked this one out along with Belladonna in order to clear off some of my Digital TBR. (I hadn’t gotten around to reading Belladonna yet with the Trans Rights Readathon going on, sorry.)

Anyhow! As only my second horror novel, this took a bit of adapting to, but halfway through I was expecting it to be tamer than it turned out. See, for a chunk of the novel, Mars lives in a bit of a haze and doesn’t have much recollection of their original investigation plan due to supernatural events, and as a result a third or so of this novel is summer camp shenanigans that are typical until a creepy event happens and gets shrugged off about 20 pages later. In that sense, it’s close to a slow burn psychological horror. So, if you’re expecting a lot of dead bodies and fear from our protagonist, just…know you’ll have to wait until the last 100 pages for more of that haha. Originally though, this kinda frustrated me because I disliked knowing more than the protagonist did when we technically knew about the same things at different points, but I liked how that part of the plot was wrapped up, and although I was critical of it at the time it makes a lot of sense in hindsight (I was just impatient and wanted a bloodbath I guess).

This also gave me a new interest, or I guess a new…buzzword…to look for in books and the like (collective crowd booing): Bee horror!!! I loved it so much. Bee horror isn’t really something new, I know, just look at Candyman for instance(and the new Amazon Prime series Swarm), but I just loved what they did with the body horror here. I loved the bits of bee research put into writing the apiary segments, the absolutely gross body horror we got (spoilers: people get TURNED INTO HONEY. Like, they melt and stuff!!), how the main hive mind was connected to everything and used actual beehive imagery in both metaphor and social structure. So cool. We love to see it.

Also, that ending!! No spoiler section for this review, but I will say that it’s absolutely BATSHIT!

Actually nevermind, changed my mind, WE’RE ADDING A SPOILER SECTION!!

SPOILER SECTION!! Buzz away if that’s not what you feel like reading or you want to go into this book blind.🐝

Ok!!! So. The ending. I was predicting that Mars would end up siding with the Honeys after they accepted them into their friend group, but I was absolutely not predicting the kind of scale or power their group had. The aforementioned “Hive Mind” was connected to the Honeys; they harvested honey from body-horroring some of the counselors into it, and they’d eat the honey to gain connection to this weird plane of reality called The Lace, which connects everyone’s minds together as one entity and makes them like..omnipresent or whatever. It’s so weird, I loved it.

Mars is forced to take on the leading role of Queen Bee, since his sister’s biology and stuff didn’t work with the literal throne and the stuff that came with that, and his parents are insistent about one of their bloodline taking on the title. To have this be put onto a transfemme character, after Aspen’s higher-ups were insistent about them remaining a “boy”, was fascinating to me. I’d have to do more lengthy analysis to properly dissect this, but to have Mars turn against the adult higher-ups while she’s Queen Bee felt like a way of reclaiming that as a means of affirming her identity and gender. (I mean, she’s presented femme throughout the book but that’s one of the only times they’re addressed with she/her pronouns by their parents, and Mars, while they were terrified of the Honeys themselves for a chunk of the ending, doesn’t have any discomfort in how they’re addressed gender-wise once they take on this role and it’s abilities.) Maybe that scene could be enough to convince a few girlies that, by the end, this could probably be a “Good For Her” horror, although it gets a little sketchy once we look into dissecting that? Just looking into the morals and stuff of The Honeys and how they fucked around with memories, will a little bit, and all that. (Not that Mars sides with that or decides to replicate it, even with their new abilities.)

But, I really liked the ending. I’m glad Mars got to get their revenge. It did feel a little “Good For Her”-y.

I do really want to do some analysis on it at some point though because I was thinking about some of the subtext within it and was, again, fascinated. Perhaps I’ll do a reread at some point, see if I liked things more or less, see if there’s anything I missed.

END OF SPOILER SECTION! (There was a flimsy Baby’s First Analysis y’all were not missing out if you skipped)

TL;DR(or TS;DR)(Too Spoilery, Didn’t Read), the ending was delightfully trippy and I tried my hand at dissecting some of the gender subtext within it.

Overall, a solid read! I was a little frustrated at the slowness sometimes, but that paid off in the end and I liked how everything wrapped up. I will always LOVE queer horror, especially stuff with trans protagonists 💪 

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars.

~Paz, signing off! ^^

(Book content/trigger warnings: Body horror, loss of autonomy(memory altercation), transphobic and homophobic bullying, frequent insects, blood and gore.)

[angel-riki]

Dazed & Dreaming {Ch. 1}

summary: Y/N's life was always quite normal, some may even consider it boring. However, Y/N enjoyed her simple life and the little pleasures it brought. Unfortunately, that all changed the day she found out her best friend's biggest secret. Her discovery leads her down a rabbit hole of a new and confusing world she never knew existed. She must now navigate this new life filled with love, fear, and the supernatural. What awaits her down this path?

pairing: enhypen x reader (vampire au)

warnings: light swearing

word count: 1,435

chapters: [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4]

~~~~~~~~~~

The brisk autumn air pricked at your cheeks, making you shiver as you clutched your coat tighter around your body. You picked up your pace as your shoes tapped lightly against the pavement. Walking to school was nice this time of year, you loved the autumn scenery which was full of rich colors and leaves dancing in the wind. Winter on the other hand, was another story. It was also quite pretty, yet much more inconvenient and impractical. However, right now it was a pleasant walk.

Before you know it, you're at the entrance of your school, trudging up the stairs. Oh how you longed to be back in your warm, soft bed, asleep. You begrudgingly continued on your way when you heard a familiar voice ring out,

"Y/N! Wait up!"

You recognize the voice without even needing to turn around, it was Jake. Jake had been your best friend since he had moved here from Australia way back in middle school. He meant the world to you. You've grown so close over the years, he practically knows everything about you at this point. And you know all about him as well. You smiled and waved at the cheerful boy as he jogged to catch up with you. Slightly out of breath and with flushed cheeks, he greeted you,

"Good morninggg!" He drew out the last syllable with a dorky grin on his face. You giggled, he was always so cute without even trying.

"Good morning," you replied, happily.

"Kind of chilly this morning, huh? Did you walk to school again?" He asked.

"Yeah, I did. I always walk to school, you know that," you chuckled at his silly question.

"You knowww," he began,

Oh boy here we go, you thought.

"Heeseung would totally give you a ride to school if you'd like," he stated. Jake had made this offer to you a few times, however, you always declined. Heeseung was a close friend of Jake's yet he was merely an acquaintance to you at best, you would feel bad having him drive you around. Especially since he already gave Jake rides every morning.

Also not to mention, you found Heeseung incredibly attractive and you don't think your heart could handle that...

"No that's okay, I wouldn't want to impose," you politely declined like always. Jake sighed. You were always so considerate, almost to a fault.

"Y/N, Heeseung totally wouldn't mind, he isn't like that, you know." He smiled, trying to convince you to accept the offer. Especially, knowing that winter was just around the corner.

"I know...I just would rather not," you said trying to escape the topic as your cheeks began to heat up. Jake sighed defeatedly and decided to let it go as you both continued your way into the building.

*****

The end of the day couldn't come soon enough as you headed towards your final class; physics. Yay. You've always hated physics and although you were a straight A student, your grades suffered in that class. Thankfully, Jake was quite good at physics and was always happy to help. Over time, he basically became your tutor. You scanned the front board to see what the topic of the lesson was today. Like usual, you couldn't make sense of any of it. God, I wish I had Jake's brain, you thought to yourself.

As much as you tried not to, you ended up tuning out the teacher and his lecture as your mind wandered to anything but physics. Before you knew it, class was over and students began gathering their books and shuffling out of the classroom. Shit. I didn't pay attention to any of that. You mentally kicked yourself for slacking off. Well, at least the school day is over. You headed back to your locker where you saw Jake waiting for you.

"Hey Y/N, how was physics? I know it's your favorite class," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up," you slapped him playfully on the arm, "I actually totally zoned out the whole period. Therefore, I'm lost and you really have your work cut out for you as my tutor," you retorted.

He laughed and shook his head, "Y/N, you're killing me!" He said while jokingly clutching his chest in imaginary pain.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I should honestly be paying you at this point," you laughed.

"Nah don't worry about it, I'm happy to help," he said. Gosh he's so sweet, you thought. Sometimes you felt like you didn't deserve him. But if you ever dared to say that out loud, you know you would receive an immediate rebuttal from him. Because that's just how Jake is.

*****

*BZZZ* *BZZZ* * BZZZ*

You rolled over and groaned. Ughhh, it's already time to get up? You had stayed up later than usual the night before. You had been facetiming with Jake as he tried to explain your physics homework to you. Unfortunately, it took you quite a while to understand it since you hadn't paid attention in class earlier that day.

Just 5 more minutes...you thought as you lazily snoozed your alarm.

*****

Your eyes fluttered open as you awoke for the second time. Hm, that's weird. Why didn't my alarm go off yet? You grabbed your phone to check the time. You squinted as your eyes adjusted to the bright screen. Oh shit. You had overslept for 45 minutes. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. You mentally cursed at yourself as you scrambled to get ready in half the time you usually do. You frantically threw on your school uniform and hurried to the bathroom to brush you teeth. You gasped as you saw your reflection. You had the worst bed head you had EVER seen. Just my luck. You quickly threw your hair up into a half updo. Guess I'm going for the messy look today. You hurried downstairs and grabbed a granola bar on your way out. You headed down your driveway only to see a car parked on the side of the road right in front of your house. You were a bit confused but as you got closer you were met with two familiar faces. Oh no. This is Heeseung's car. Your stomach did a backflip. Heeseung smiled and gave a small wave as Jake greeted you from the passenger seat,

"Hey, Y/N! Sorry for the surprise, I knew you would never accept the ride but the weather's getting colder and I don't want you to get sick," Jake rambled.

"Jake told me that you walk to school every morning, but I don't mind giving you a ride, it's no problem at all," Heeseung added with a kind smile.

You appreciated the kind gesture, however, you were mortified. Here you were, looking like the hottest mess of the century in front of the hottest boy of the century. This can't be happening. Of all days, why today?!

You smiled meekly, "Wow, uh, thank you that's very kind of you! I guess I'll take you up on that offer since you already went out of your way to come here," you said apologetically. The two boys smiled at you as you opened the car door and climbed into the back seat.

*****

So far, the ride had been fairly quiet until Jake suddenly broke the silence,

"Y/N, did you do something different with your hair?" Jake asked as he turned around to face you.

God, why did he have to bring that up??

"Uh, yeah, I actually woke up late and my hair was a mess so I just tried to make the best of it," you laughed nervously.

"Ohh, well it looks nice!" he complimented.

"Yeah, you look cute." Heeseung added with his eyes still on the road.

You froze. Your brain began malfunctioning as you tried to compute what Heeseung just said. He called me cute. You chuckled anxiously as you felt your cheeks burning up.

"Thank you," you said shyly.

Jake had noticed your abrupt change in body language, which confused him. But then, it all clicked. Oh...She has a crush on Heeseung. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed it sooner. He grinned to himself, amused by his realization. Suddenly, it made sense why you never accepted a ride.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hi, guys! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I know it was a bit slow, but once the introductory part is out of the way, hopefully things will pick up the pace. Regardless, thank you for reading! I am also uploading this series on wattpad, so if you’d like to support it over there, that would mean a lot! I'm hoping to publish new chapters a couple times a week so keep your eyes peeled hehehe

~Elle <3

[phoenixyfriend]

In which the ninja community gets dragged into the Clone Wars

Brain stupid, wants nonsense Naruto/Star Wars fic.

Not deeply thought-out crossover fic, either, I have a very specific nonsense in mind that would just be a hell of a lot of confusion for literally everyone ever. Except Naruto, I guess, but that's only because he's always confused so this is nothing new.

I have Naruto/Star Wars thoughts and most of them can be summed up with "I can't figure out if you're her punishment or if she's yours. I'm leaning towards 'both' right now."

On the ninja side, it mostly focuses on Team Gai and Karin. On the space side, it mostly focuses on Anakin and the 501st.

(Thanks to @firebirdeternal, who once again enabled me to hell and back on this.)

You'd want to mess around a bit with what's Force and what's chakra. I feel like most Force-sensitives are relatively resistant to basic genjutsu, at least internal ones; external genjutsu are a bit trickier. And all bets are off if they're up against someone on Kurenai or Itachi's level.

The overall scenario is "for a variety of undisclosed reasons, immediately post-4th-war ninja folks (like, all the big players from all five villages, including a few that are very much supposed to be dead) got teleported to SW universe, and have agreed to contract their services to the Republic in return for help getting home" with one-to-three ninjas assigned to each battalion. Karin gets put on Anakin's battalion and one of first things anyone hears about it is when Kiba tells Rex "Wow, I don't know enough about you to be sure, but either you're a punishment for her, or she's a punishment for you. Either way, good luck, man. You're gonna need it."

Taka wasn't allowed to stay together except for Sasuke and Juugo, because Juugo will lose his shit without Sasuke there to manage him. Suigetsu gets assigned to Kit Fisto because that's a phenomenal way to stack the deck. (They're very effective together but the don't like each other much. Mostly because Suigetsu is... uh...)

(Incredibly violent and excruciatingly annoying.)

ANYWAY

I'm really in love with the theoretical bitching when Karin asks what the risks of Falling are. She keeps getting frustrated because she doesn't care about the moral shit, she's from a world where almost everyone with superpowers becomes an assassin, she doesn't CARE about the murder, what are the ACTUAL risks?

Obi-Wan has to get Mace or Depa or someone else who's looked into/experienced things to talk about it with Karin because nothing he says is processing for her. Karin is mollified when she can start unraveling the effects on cognition and physical impacts side of things.

"You lose your compunctions against killing the innocent." "I don't know what to tell you about my old boss but let's start with 'that's normal in my society' and move on."

I'd assume someone like Depa would be able to explain that you lose your compunctions in a manner that could be compared to drug use, because you lose those compunctions irrationally and against your own will and better judgement. The Dark Side has a cognitive effect and that's what Karin would be actually asking about.

And I feel like Obi-Wan might be so bogged down in the philosophy that he can't really process the question that Karin is actually posing, which is about the biological and psychological effects.

"You lose yourself to the Dark and--" "Okay so is it like depression? Is there a noticeable shift in serotonin output before or after the Dark Side gets involved? What about dopamine? Is there an increase in fear hormones that could lead to a self-replicating cycle? Is the paranoia accompanied by changes in brain activity or is it a fully external effect like a genjutsu? GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH HERE."

Karin deals with Juugo as one of her best friends and has looked over research for the Curse Seal, she knows how a supernatural external factor can influence mental health and cause violent rages and a disregard for sapient life. I just.

I have a lot of feelings right now about how the Dark Side is framed as such a philosophical/religious/supernatural thing but has such clear cognitive effects relating to mental illness and... there is room to work/play with that and imo Karin as I envision her would be really well-suited to doing so! If someone gave her the right information, which I imagine Obi-Wan would... not be the best at.

It would be a fascinating conversation to have with someone who doesn't have the same compunctions but does have experience and knowledge of similar situations.

Like. Karin could easily at one point compare it to a jinchuuriki with a bad seal getting influenced by the rage of the bijuu if they let themselves get too angry, and a proper 'fall' to the dark side would be the seal breaking completely. Because the Jedi can talk about how you need to meditate and all that, but I feel like shinobi have, you know, mandated therapy and whatnot, for logistical reasons. Karin in particular would have some pretty in-depth knowledge on things like emotional disorders, PTSD, etc.

[Image Description: A snippet from one of the Naruto openings/endings, featuring Juugo. The camera turns around him as he lets a bird fly off, zooming in on his face as it starts changing colors and dipping into curse mode.]

The Jedi as a whole don't seem to have a lot of knowledge on the psychology of trauma and so on, whereas the shinobi... I wouldn't say they're great (see: everything about Kakashi), but they definitely have a lot more experience with like... managing it. Keeping people functional and Mostly Not About To Slaughter Their Entire Family (unless someone orders them to with a compelling argument for how killing three hundred people will save tens of thousands of lives) (In Itachi's defense, he was thirteen and HEAVILY traumatized.)

Depa: The Dark Side makes you feel so powerful, like you can do anything, like you should do anything, no matter how horrific, and you will justify it to yourself as necessary. Karin: ...so what I'm hearing is that at least a bit of this is methamphetamines.

You know my brain initially posted Team Ten doing information retrieval like they're trained to do but tbh I'm now figuring that Ino and her family probably got invested in setting up mental health resources for the clones and Jedi. They can't service the entire army, obvs, but they can at least distribute pamphlets and set up referrals and whatnot.

Ino would totally set up a training seminar for Clone Troopers who wanted to become therapists for their unit, even if it was mostly a "Here are warning signs of stress and when to escalate to calling someone more qualified." I feel like the clone medics probably have basic training in that? Like from the perspective of 'we want to keep our soldiers functional,' mostly, but nothing on the level of a Yamanaka.

I also keep imagining that nobody wants the shinobi command team anywhere near the Jedi Temple, because... so many of them are so angry all the time. Terrible thing to have near the creche. Gaara and Mei have relatively good control over their tempers but Tsunade and Ei and Onoki in the same room will result in broken tables, and they will have full-volume arguments with the Jedi High Council whenever someone tries to argue with them about Military Strategy, because... ninjas.

(I am defining "near the creche" as "within a mile of the temple.")

ANYWAY. KARIN.

"So you get a power boost in exchange for going a little evil." "That's a very trite way of--" "Is it wrong?" [sigh] "No, miss, it's not wrong." "Okay, great. Let's address the details. I've got comparisons to long-term trauma, slave seals, torture-based brainwashing, bijuu influence, Sharingan chemical reactions, Juugo's genetic situation, and the enzyme release of the cursed seal prepped and ready to mark down. Walk me through what the influence of the Dark Side actually does and I'll work out the best preventative method." "...what." "Walk. Me. Through."

"It's more a spiritual issue." "If it alters your brain chemistry then it's super not, or at least, not exclusively."

"Spiritual systems are influenced by psychology, every genin knows this." "I didn't." "Naruto... you didn't know what chakra was. You are an outlier." "That's fair."

Also I just love the idea of Karin being like "Okay, you're talking about killing kids as some big thing, my teacher killed sixty babies by using them in an experiment to induce superpowers and that's just the tip of the iceberg, I got the point can we please move on. I don't need you to circle back around on this eighty times."

I'm entertaining the idea of someone trying to Jedisplain how to resist temptation to Juugo of all people. Juugo, whose response to "I'm a danger" was "Please lock me up."

"Have you tried yoga and meditation?" "Yes, obviously." "What about medica--" "Well Karin's been working on it but we haven't found an effective compound yet."

Ino: Everyone in this army needs Therapy gotdamn. Karin: I am going to science the shit out of this Mystical Phenomenon Juugo: Are you really, motherfucking really, trying to explain how Containing your Inner Violent Urges is a Struggle to me. Sasuke and Anakin, off on their own somewhere: This is fine. We're perfectly qualified to make our own decisions about things. Naruto and Ahsoka, respectively: NO YOU AREN'T

Sasuke is legally required to stick with Juugo. The shinobi in charge want to keep Taka separated for obvious reasons, but like. You don't. You don't want Juugo and Sasuke separated.

I do have something of a Thought that the big Problem is that they encounter Zetsu clones and Edo Tensei.

And have to explain that, well 1. The specific shade of implacable bullshit that is Edo Tensei 2. How a Zetsu clone isn't the same as a SW clone

And all the shinobi are freaking out in a way that is deeply concerning because most of the SW-natives aren't actually used to these people being scared of anything.

But also. Like. Zetsu are susceptible to orbital bombardment. It's a lot easier to deal with them than it was for the ninjas.

Edo Tensei is still a problem, though.

The good news is: the Force is probably much better at identifying a transformed Zetsu, because they're only prepped for hiding chakra presence, not force presence.

And it's the reverse for secret darksiders. Palpatine and Krell are hiding their force presence, but they don't know shit about Chakra, so Karin can pick them out as Wow, Fucked Up.

(Jedi-Shinobi tag-team squads for finding/fighting bad guys is.... a Very fun concept.)

I want to say that Team Eight gets paired up with whichever battalion usually handles S&R stuff.

Team Gai initially gets put on hit-and-run situations, but then gets set up as a team with Karin (Neji in charge) because she needs a fuuinjutsu person and a Byakugan, and Lee is then a really solid field backup for when she needs to get into a place to investigate and needs a proper ninja to watch her back, once the Edo Tensei investigation part kicks up.

Suigetsu: "Oh I'm getting one of these laser knives" Some Jedi: "Non force users really shouldn't try, they're very dangerous-" Suigetsu: 'cuts his own arm off' SJ: "LIKE THAT OH DEAR" Suigetsu: "No it's fine I was just testing it" 'morphs arm back on'

Suigetsu absolutely fucks around and finds out with regards to lightsabers

Suigetsu: Oh, don't worry about my sword being broken. It'll grow back. SJ: Oh, how? Does it need metal to absorb or-- Suigetsu: Blood. SJ: ...what? Suigetsu: blood 🧛

Also just. Imagine someone pulling the "holds a lightsaber to your stomach and then activates it" drama move... on Suigetsu. Like on the one hand, he needs to move away fast because he does not want to boil away!

On the other hand...

Grievous Vs Suigetsu:

"I'm way more skilled a fighter than you, look at all these swords I've collected." "Okay weird metal dude, I'm not gonna say that I don't appreciate your whole aesthetic, but I'm definitely kicking your ass and taking at least a few of those home with me."

"I also collect swords from dead people! Twinsies! Now gimme."

(Taka are really just the most morbid fucking team to the Jedi.)

Anakin and Ahsoka are uncomfortable with having Karin aboard partly because she is just incessantly angry, grumpiest person on the ship by far.

But also one time their troopers were about to get bombed and she just busted out some chains and made a weird golden shield, so???

She's grumpy but Extremely Competent and frankly, that's enough! (Also she's genuinely likeable if you have a fondness for Snark and she's not aimed her snark cannons at you so I can see them getting along actually.)

(Unfortunately, the main problem is like. The Force. Her anger radiates into the Force and it's uncomfortable to try to sleep or meditate with that around.)

The one and only time she lets someone bite her is when Ahsoka gets heavily injured.

And then someone tries to pressure her about it because there are people dying every day and she tells them that her one requirement for this bullshit was that she not be pressured to use her blood, and if they bring it up again, she will desert.

"My bodily autonomy is not up for debate and I will enforce this rule with as much violence as necessary."

Karin absolutely lends her skills as a regular medic. She performs surgeries and everything!

Just, you know. Her blood is not up for grabs.

Karin also gripes a lot about how she's a lab manager and a prison warden and a tracker, why is she paired up with a battalion that's effectively a strike team.

This is not her skillset!

It's not outside her skillset, she's more than capable of acting as support for a unit of heavies. That was basically her role in Taka! But... she's not as useful a sensor in a war where the opposing side is droids.

Also NejiTen is established but Karin does hit on them and gets a threesome out of the deal. She's maybe been a lot sexually frustrated because she doesn't feel like she can hit on any of the clones since their personal autonomy is null, and Ahsoka's a few years younger, just enough for it to be weird, and Anakin is married and bad at hiding it.

Someone sees Neji in the locker rooms and compliments him on the "Tattoo" because clones take pride in their ink

Which

Haha no

As much as they take pride in personal markings, finding out that it was a brand of ownership instead? Oof. The Clones would just be. "How many people can we murder for you"

It's just a really awkward situation! The clones were trying to be nice. They were trying to make connections. It's just, you know. Hyuuga bullshit.

Neji just "...it's not a tattoo. Please don't bring it up." and then leaves the locker room as quickly as possible. Lee just gives them an uncomfortable grimace and follows.

Someone doesn't hear in time and brings it up later and Neji's just like "Okay, well, it destroys my eyes if I die so nobody steals them." "Oh, that's... okay, I under--" "Also it lets the main family of my clan torture me if I disobey them." "It what."

Idk if I'd do the second half without a bit more accidental trauma button pushing, but the first part about the eye destruction, maybe ending with "Among other, less pleasant elements."

The clones do know enough about the ninjas to be aware that eye theft is apparently a Big Issue for them. There is so much eyeball theft in Naruto. It is the biggest crime.

Karin might just be like "Hey remember when you asked about my scars and I told you things that gave you nightmares? Yeah, stop fucking theorizing about the forehead seal, he told you about the eyes thing and the rest is not your goddamn business."

Also fuck I know so little about Zygerria arc beyond "Anakin has to go undercover as a slave dealer and Ahsoka has to go undercover as a slave, everything is trauma," but I really vibe with the idea that Karin would just. Volunteer for that mission. No hesitation, just 'fuck it, I'm trained for infiltration and I'm a decent actress and already full of terrible experiences that will make this a walk in the park, hold my glasses."

"Nothing about this mission will traumatize me in a specific way, to my knowledge, whereas for you two..... Yeah. I'm going."

Karin subverts half of Palpatine's funky plans by just being an unimpressed bitch about, uh, everything.

"Wow, this plan is terrible. You said the Chancellor gave it to you? Yeah, no, we're not doing this. We'll tell him we did, but this plan is shit. We can do better, get me a sheet of paper and a pencil, I have a con to organize."

"You're a con artist?" "I can be."

Also hmmmmmmmmmmmm the mental image of Karin "not a taijutsu person at all, just really good at dodging" having spars with the 501st. They're impressed, because Ninja Standards. Like, she's not that much better than a clone her physical maturity, but she's good. Anakin still wins against her, but Ahsoka doesn't.

AND THEN TEAM GAI SHOWS UP.

Team Gai: Unfairly shattering standards in every universe

"Don't feel bad if you lose against Lee, he's impossible." "No, I have to beat hi--" "Lee, come over here and let this asshole hold your weights for a moment. Thanks." "..." "Anakin?" "Okay, I see what you mean."

Nobody who sees Lee's training regimen feels bad about not being able to arm wrestle him.

"Anakin, listen... Lee was running fifty miles a morning at age twelve. Please do not use him as a measuring stick for literally anything."

Also frankly Rock "My Sensei based his entire fighting style around beating a dude with combat precognition" Lee probably is just a little more vexing for a Jedi to fight in particular than most people.

(There's a mission to a desert planet that was originally going to go to Anakin but Gaara just picks it up and leaves the room like "I'll handle it" and this six-week mission takes... six hours.)

(Because Gaara.)

Also I like the idea that Lee or Neji likes embroidery and fancies things up for people as a de-stress hobby.

Karin finds a bunch of little flowers embroidered onto her spare jacket one morning and, well, step one is paranoia, but then she asks TenTen and gets the rundown on who and why. (Neji was mending a small tear and got fancy with it.)

Just. Neji having a habit of adding small embellishments to people's outfits while mending them is so soft, especially if it's a sign of Affection that he's having trouble expressing in Words.

TenTen overheard that Karin liked Anko and Ibiki's sense of style once and so when Karin's birthday comes around, Team Gai's present is a Fancy Lavender Duster. Neji did the sewing/embroidery, TenTen designed the seals sewn into the lining, and Lee was in charge of weaving the mesh layer.

I want Karin in a Schmancy Intimidating Duster, dramatically striding down the hallways of a warship.

(The real question is whether she invents her own technique to make it billow dramatically in the wind or just gets Anko to teach her one, and my answer is that Ahsoka volunteers to do it with the Force.)

I really do go hard for slightly-older Karin taking violent little girls under her wing and just being acerbically protective. Me, with startling regularity: Can I give Karin a bright child to be viciously protective of and then deny attachment to?

Also I have a recurring mental image of like...

Karin gets stabbed by some piece of construction equipment big enough for the hole to be the size of her fist. Just some random spiked pole, Force-thrown by IDK Ventress or someone. Very similar situation to that time Zetsu stabbed her during the Fourth War, except less ninjas.

And obviously it's horrifying for everyone, the bad guy stalks forward with a Monologue, all the usual gloating.

And then gets smacked out of the way from behind by the exact pole they put through Karin, who is breathing heavily and looks full of rage.

(Inspired partly by the Pepper thing in IM3)

She falls to her knees, eyes bulging, and smacks her chest with a fist a few times, then coughs and starts swearing as her heart starts beating again, bits already growing back because she's spent some time figuring out how to heal at least herself without the biting playing a role.

It's just Horror Time for everyone, including the bad guy.

Because. Karin.

She's angry but she's also not dying, which is really surprising considering The Giant Fucking Hole In Her Chest.

She's not very useful for the rest of the mission and she gets stuck in the medical room when they get back to the ship and breaks out to barge into Anakin's debrief with the Council because Sage Damn It, she has things to say. Still wrapped in bandages that aren't entirely white anymore, because she refuses a bacta tank (for Oto Reasons).

She and Suigetsu both just.... no on being put in a Tube. Whether it's good for them or not.

She's not quite as fucked up about it as he is, of course. If you try to put Suigetsu in a tube, he fights like a hell cat.

If you put him in while he's unconscious and then he wakes up...

I feel like Karin is like, the more stressed out (IE Injured) she is, the less rational she'd be able to be about being put in a healing tube.

Sasuke and Juugo have similar issues but not strong enough to refuse medical attention (Sasuke) or don't really need medical attention to that degree (Juugo).

Anyway here's a PLOT THING in all caps:

OF THE FOUR SHINOBI NEJI IS THE ONE MOST LIKELY TO SPEND EXTENSIVE TIME MEDITATING

AND ANAKIN WOULD SEE HIM AND ASK AS A CULTURAL EXCHANGE THING

AND IT WOULD SPIRAL SIDEWAYS INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT ONE'S PERSONAL TRAUMAS BEING LIABLE TO DIRECT ONE INTO HARMING THOSE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

NEJI REFERENCES HIS THING AT THIRTEEN AND IT QUIETLY STARTS CHANGING ANAKIN'S WHOLE MENTAL STATE BECAUSE NEJI GETS IT

Up to and including functional slavery.

ffffffffffffuck Neji can see Anakin's slave chip but doesn't know what it is He assumes it's a neurological graft due to injury or something and asks "because all the clone soldiers have something similar"

Byakugan byakugan byakugan Not that he mentions the clones having it at first, because I'd want this to circle around to the seal But like There is room here

It has the potential to be a really good way too bring the slave chip thing to light, because it can be information that comes from someone Anakin has grown to like and respect and who has enough in common with his experiences that Anakin can trust this. And someone that, to the best of his knowledge, has no real reason to have a grudge against Palpatine or the Jedi.

Neji's just some dude who saw a slave chip and went "What's that."

Anakin: Wait, you can bring back the dead? Karin: Not for very long. Anakin: ...but you can bring back the dead. Karin: They're kinda fucked up and hate the summoner for doing it, but yeah. Anakin: ...YOU CAN BRING BACK THE DEAD. Karin: YEAH, NO SHIT, BUT THEY TOLD ME I'M NOT ALLOWED TO.

(Then explain that it would require killing a person (not that big a deal for her) and also that the dead aren't happy to come back (which is twisting the truth, but in Karin's defense, her past experiences were mostly battle-priority) and that Shmi sounds like the kind of person who wouldn't want him to do this. And it's still early enough for him to be able to grasp that rationalization.)

(Also it might not work because it involves the Shinigami, and not only does Karin NOT want to piss off the Shinigami, but she has no idea if the deity in question operates off-world.)

The other thing I keep circling about is the usage of the word clone.

And how the most common use in ninja land is "externalization of energy with borrowed matter to form a temporary doppelganger, which generally lasts no more than an hour, and has minimal independence unless it's a shadow clone, in which case the memories and some of the energy return to the creator upon termination of the technique."

After that... uh... okay this is very dumb, but.

Obito showing up.

Specifically

1. "how are you not dead" "do I look like I know?" 2. Someone tries to shoot him but, as per usual, it accomplishes Nothing 3. Karin invites him to have a drink and he says No because what if it's poisoned, and she can't prove it's not by drinking it herself because what if mithridatism, so he'll only drink if 'that kid you seemed protective of (while I was stalking you, because you're the first shinobi I've come across)' does, except Togruta get indigestion from cranberry juice so Anakin has to be the Proof Of Not Poison instead 4. Obito makes a shitty joke about Anakin's scar and someone calls him on it because Rude and then he takes off his mask and Karin is just like "you're a dick" 5. At least one incident where someone's mouth moves faster than their brain and they say Obi-Wan instead of Obito 6. Gossip 7. Karin and Obito have a quick convo about Things in Japanese at one point and then Karin turns to Anakin like "Okay you know how I said I had like a half dozen options for things that falling to the Dark Side could be paralleled to? This jackass has been through like half of them. Slave seal on the heart, brain injuries, PTSD, Sharingan-induced chemical imbalance, long-term torture, manipulation by an evil entity that pretended to care about him, the works. Let's chat."

(A walking talking PSA on how Not to Emotions, also on the negative effects of manipulation by powerful old wizard bastards.)

Consider with me the strike team of "Obi-wan, Kakashi, and Killer B"

First of all: Anything you send them after is fucked. Second: Obi-wan and Kakashi would be trying so hard to be Nonchalant and aloof while also both being deeply annoyed by Killer B, while also trying remain aloof about that annoyance.

I feel like Obi-Wan would be incredibly frustrated by Kakashi just. Lying on the ceiling and reading porn.

When there are Things To Be Doing.

Utterly uncivilized!

Kakashi as the Troll to Obi-Wan's "I'm not going to rise to the bait. I'm not going to rise to the bait. I'm not going to rise to the-"

Except, of course, Obi-Wan is ALSO a troll.

Killer Bee is not intentionally a troll. Kakashi is. Obi-Wan is a troll but a very understated one. You can't tell if he is.

The two of them are masters at it, and Bee is just.... he's just freaking odd. But like, they're also all three extremely scarily competent.

(Bee would, like many of the Kiri folk and unlike many of the Kumo comrades, get loaned out specifically to battalions that function on water planets.)

(Like Gaara on the Desert, you just don't turn down that kind of tactical specialization when it's available.)

Bee: and I shall now be a giant oxtopus Jedi: a what Bee, transforming: A Giant Oxtopus

...put Mei on Mustafar...

Just very "Well who ELSE is going to walk through that environment without a problem?"

Someone throws a kunai at Ventress and she obviously blocks it with a lightsaber except, well, it's not a blaster shot, it's metal. It doesn't deflect. It just melts. Ventress is pelted in molten metal and it doesn't stop her but it sure isn't a fun time.

(I am aware that assorted knives are common Star Wars weapons so she probably at least kinda knows how to deal with them, but I was mostly going for instinctual responses because the main opponent in the mental scenario is Anakin and various clone troopers, and they just happen to have a ninja with them for "I have spent far too long cooking up this scenario in my head" reasons.)

("I am fighting a Jedi and his pathetic clone troopers, and whatever this bi--SHIT SHIT METAL WHAT THE FUCK WHO ALLOWED THIS")

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Hon' if you are accepting prompts (and only if you are!) can I have some spooky Sansa and Jon? I'm still not over them in spooky scenarios so I would love to read anything about it.

And for something a little more specific (in case that helps): maybe ghost!Sansa and Jon moves to her place and she is not happy, but also she loves his dog?

Or maybe Addams AU!

Or maybe Jon is the ghost and Sansa moves into his place?

Or they are talkshow hosts or something and a ghost is trying to get them together?

Or maybe YouTubers AU and their followed bug them until they agree to a Collab and it's Halloween or something like that?

Okay I went all over the place and clearly have too many ideas, but feel free to choose any of you do choose something!

First of all, I guess I'm sort of always taking prompts? I'll never turn them away, though they may also sit in my inbox forever (I'm looking at you, the last anon prompt from when I asked for them back in December...)

Second, spooky prompts! ❤️👻❤️👻❤️ If there's anything I love in this world, it's the supernatural/paranormal. And it may be the middle of summer, but I'm already longing for spooky season and I've been trying to vibe with it but it's hard when the days are so long, hot, and humid. (I desperately want to be able to go outside and not feel like I'm breathing soup, thank you very much.)

Before I get to the prompt itself, because I'm too wordy for my own good - your one prompt of Sansa/Jon is a ghost and the other moves in to their place... well, I've read that fic! It's actually locked on AO3 and I don't know if that means the author doesn't really want people finding it/linking to it, so I won't, but I guess DM me if you wanna know what it is?? I don't know the protocol for that. There's also Haunt Me, Then by the lovely @ode-to-an-inkwell which I read back when I was lurking and I loved it. It's the same base premise, but with a ton more plot!

The prompt I have chosen is the youtuber collab! Because I also love writing about/dissecting social media, apparently.

.

.

Sansa breathes – deep and even – and tries to stay centered in the middle of her group (away from the edges, away from the dark corners and the sounds coming from them and the people she knows are waiting for her there).

She wishes with all her strength that her followers had never found out that she's related to Robb. It's not something she was hiding, necessarily, but when she started her channel, she'd kept a lot of her personal life private. And honestly, she never thought it would get to this point – the point where she has millions of followers and Robb and Theon have millions of followers and those followers inevitably found out she and Robb are siblings.

A collab had been unavoidable. She just wishes it were any other activity than... this.

She lets out a strangled scream as something crashes to her right and she stumbles left, straight into the other person who's been dragged along tonight – Jon Snow. He catches her arm and keeps her upright and she almost thanks him until she hears him let out a laugh. It infuriates her and she rips her arm out of his grasp and sends him a glare, though it's short lived when she sees what looks like a jar of eyeballs on a shelf behind him and bile twists in her stomach.

She hates Halloween - she hates horror movies and jump scares and gore, and she especially hates haunted houses. But what else should she have expected for this collab? Robb and Theon have a dumb prank channel, of course they'd bring her – notorious wimp Sansa Stark – to a haunted house for the video. She thinks Robb got permission to film, because Dacey and Olyvar are flanking them with cameras to capture everyone's reactions.

“It's all fake,” Jon reminds her, though she barely hears his voice over the din of sound effects echoing through the dark corridor as they pass from one room to another.

“I know that,” she hisses, heart pounding wildly. They approach a doorway and – sure enough – right as she passes through, there's a person with heavy special effects makeup waiting on the other side to grab at her (another thing she resents – this is one of those places where the actors can touch you. They'd had to sign a waver). She screams in the actor's faux-bloody face and she swears he laughs at her.

In front of her, Robb and Theon are being obnoxious as usual. She doesn't really condone their prank channel and has often had to reign them in from doing something that would get one of them needlessly hurt (or would be considered, you know, illegal). Jon is usually an unwilling participant in their videos, and he has his own woodworking channel that has nowhere near the viewership that her makeup channel or Robb and Theon's prank channels do (she's told him, over an over, that if he showed his face on camera, he'd get more viewers, but he insists that he wants the focus to be on his work, not him). Jon walks next to her, calm, like nothing in this place fazes him, and she sort of resents him for this.

She understands it's all fake, she's not stupid, but that doesn't stop her fear response from kicking in every time something jumps at her, every time lights flicker or go out. It doesn't stop her stomach from turning whenever she sees the needlessly gory scenes like that doctor cutting a girl open, her fake intestines spilling out as the actress screamed.

“It'll be over soon,” Jon leans in close so she can hear him better, and for a moment a sense of calm washes over her. She loses it, though, as he moves away to give her space and she panics and reaches out and grabs his hand, tugging him back close to her.

A strange look passes over his face, but he doesn't say anything, just lets her grab onto his arm as they continue through the haunted house. She can't explain it, but with Jon next to her she feels... safe. She knows none of this is real, she knows none of these actors will actually hurt her, but it doesn't seem to matter, and it doesn't seem to matter that Jon won't actually have to protect her (though she somehow knows that he would if he ever had to, and that's a strange realization to have as she's walking through a room of terrifying clowns).

When it's finally over and they're outside, she breathes a sigh of relief and she feels muscles that she hadn't even realized were tensed relax.

“That was awesome,” Theon nearly shouts at one of the cameras. He and Robb talk loudly and animatedly for the cameras about the house, summarizing it for their audience (she knows they're likely to cut out a lot of the extreme scares and gore, since a good portion of their audience are kids and young teens).

“You good?” Jon murmurs to her and she realizes she still has a death grip on his arm.

“Oh,” she breathes with a forced laugh, “yeah,” and she lets go of his arm and immediately wishes she could have it back. (And then, some part of her brain whispers that she wishes she could have his arm wrapped around her instead, but she pushes that thought out because where did that even come from?)

Jon brings a hand up to scratch at his beard and shifts on his feet and she wonders if its because he feels awkward on camera. Jon's never liked being on camera, not really – it's why Robb and Theon always have to catch him off guard and why his videos – at most – only feature his hands and forearms (the comments on his videos about how attractive his hands and forearms are had been one of her main arguments for showing his face, but Jon had gotten weird after that and so she'd dropped it eventually).

“Hayride next?” Robb asks, which brings her back to the present.

“There's more?” she whines, twisting her face into a pout that always got her out of trouble when she was a kid, but Robb and Theon are already making their way towards the next attraction.

“You can sit next to me,” Jon offers, and she feels relief flood through her. “I'll be on the outside.”

She feels herself smile for the first time all night and nods and she's even more pleased when he – after a moment of hesitation – holds out his arm for her to take. She does so, curling her own arms around his and hugging it to her, keeping herself as close to him as possible as they walk through the fairgrounds to the haunted hayride.

They arrive right behind Robb and Theon and when Robb sees the way she's basically clinging to his best friend, there's a look that she can't figure out – it flicks from their joined arms, to Jon, then back to their arms, then to her, then back to Jon again and she feels Jon stiffen up next to her. Something silent passes between them and Robb looks almost... concerned? But then Jon shakes his head so subtly she thinks she's not supposed to see it and Robb nods back and turns around to face Theon and the cameras and Sansa's left more confused than anything.

The next tractor and wagon pull up to the entrance and the previous riders disembark. She waits with Jon, and though there's a slight fluttering in her stomach, she's not terrified like she had been right before the haunted house. Jon keeps his word and as they climb onto the open-topped wagon, he lets her sit in the middle and he takes the outside so she won't have to deal with the actors that run up to them during the ride. She settles into the hay and, without thinking, leans her head on his shoulder, arm still linked through his.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Robb and Theon shouldn't have made you do this,” Jon says back and his voice sounds a bit shaky. She can't see his face, she's too comfortable resting her head against him to look up, but she wonders why he sounds nervous. Maybe he's more scared of all of this than he was letting on? He hadn't seemed nervous at all in the haunted house.

“Don't worry, I'm going to have so much fun giving them a full face of glam makeup when it's time to make the video for my channel.” That's the point of this collab – she does a video for their channel and they do one for hers.

Jon lets out a soft laugh as the tractor starts up and the wagon lurches forward, heading into the dark forest. “Can I watch?”

“Definitely,” she says as she squeezes his arm tighter, her heart jumping at a noise off in the woods – a signal that the scares are about to start. “You should let me do your makeup,” she continues to try and distract herself. “I think glam makeup would look amazing with your beard.”

“Sure,” she can feel his shoulder lift into a shrug, and that does make her lift her head up and look at him.

“You would? I thought you hated being on camera?”

He shrugs again, but whatever response he was going to give is cut off as an actor takes a running leap at the wagon, latching onto the side and pulling himself up, and the passenger nearest to him (right in front of Jon) screams. Sansa sucks in a breath and tries to calm her racing heart (and out of the corner of her eye, she sees Dacey with a camera pointed right at her and Jon, a smirk on her face).

She spends the rest of the ride (and all through the haunted corn maze), hanging onto Jon for dear life and she swears his calm presence is the only reason she survives.

(And when she finally gets home to her little apartment and gets into bed, she tries desperately not to think too hard about why that is. She tries not to analyze the safety she felt with him or the way her heart had been fluttering during the car ride home, sitting in Robb's back seat and staring at Jon's profile illuminated by moonlight in the front seat as he and Robb talked and joked around. She tries not to obsess about the way he'd told her to call him if she ever wanted him to be in one of her videos, tries not to read too much into the look Robb had given Jon when he said it.)

(She tells herself that the reason she can't sleep that night is because of the haunted house.)

(It's definitely not because of Jon.)

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 4

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 6.6k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

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Seohyun was waiting for Jiwoo for quite a while now, sitting on the desk in her room, doodling in her notebook. She sighed as she shut it, a bit frustrated. It was not like Jiwoo to leave her hanging.

Seohyun considered going out; it was highly likely that Jiwoo was at their usual spot- the park near the school, her home, or the accident site. It was about 10 pm. Wasn't that late, was it? She got up, but stopped.

Maybe Jiwoo needed space.

It was probably this, but Seohyun couldn't help fearing that she had just moved on. If she'd gotten her memories back, that could mean that she was a whole different person now. She might not be the Jiwoo she knew anymore.

Seohyun fell on her bed, staring at the wall, and suddenly felt goosebumps.

"Took you long enough," Seohyun said, not bothering to look at Jiwoo, who had just entered the room.

"Don't tell me you were waiting for me," Jiwoo smirked.

"Oh, why would I?" Seohyun smirked back, and made space for Jiwoo, who sat on the bed with her. "So?"

"So, my dear friend," Jiwoo began, clearly excited to tell her her life story.

And she did. She was Ahn Jiwoo, daughter to two loving parents and a sister to a 16 year old brother. She'd had a pretty normal life; her father was a finance manager and her mother a housewife, and she had a lot of friends during her school years too. The rumours about her father being some sort of criminal were wrong; she had to face those rumours in her life too. They had her confused with another Jiwoo in her class.

"So we were a group of four friends; 2 boys and 2 girls. I was kind of a rebel in my last few months of life, because I just found life boring. I wanted an adventure. Something new. I wanted to travel too. So I was suggesting to my friends that we should do something. They were all busy in their own ways, and I didn't understand. I kept bugging them. So when we were in that restaurant, we had an argument. I knew it was my fault. I stormed off, and I was just about to go back when I got hit by a car."

"Oh... so then you went to the hospital, and they found out you lost your memories?"

"Right," she said, "But I was already in a critical condition. Brain damage led me to death."

"Ah..." Seohyun stared at her. Jiwoo's eyes were sad as she told her this, but she looked content. "So the reason you stayed..."

"The reason I stayed was not one, but two. I wanted to make sure my friends didn't blame themselves and my parents had moved on. And I spent the whole day making sure that was the case."

"And the other reason?"

"I want an adventure," she said and smiled brightly.

"Ugh, you ghosts! You stay for the most stupid reasons!" Seohyun mocked and dramatically threw her head in her hands, which made Jiwoo hit her with a pillow until she was laughing.

"That's my last wish, Seohyun. You think you could do that for me? Go on an adventure with me?"

"Haven't you had enough of adventure though? I mean, living with me is an adventure in itself-"

"I already talked to San," Jiwoo said, catching her attention. "He actually thought it was a nice idea. So we're going on an adventure this week. He said he'll make it a surprise for me."

"Hey, hey, that's not fair? You didn't even ask me!"

"I didn't have to," Jiwoo flipped her red hair.

------------

"I don't know why I ever agreed to this," Seohyun sighed, handing her bag to Wooyoung who put it with the other few bags.

"Stop being a boomer and get in," Wooyoung said, and Seohyun did, muttering how she should have never suggested this.

"Should've thought before you planned all of it," Jongho snickered and Seohyun shot a glare.

"Everybody's in?" Hongjoong asked and they looked at each other, shouting a yes. Hongjoong gave a thumbs up and took the front seat of the van after shutting the door.

Everyone, including Jiwoo, who couldn't stop smiling, were seated. Seohyun had asked her mom to lend her a van that could fit 10 people, and though her mom had raised her brows in question, she had agreed when Seohyun said it was a trip with friends. She had just been surprised she had friends that were not ghosts, so without further questions (quite conveniently) she agreed, on the condition that the driver would be someone from the company.

She did raise a question when she found out that she was the only girl in the whole group, and there were only 9 people. Seohyun finally told her she was doing a favour for a ghost who had saved her life, and her mother made her promise she'd tell her the story someday.

They were going to Muchangpo Beach. They decided they'd see the sunset there. It was close to Seoul and the only place they could afford to travel and have an 'adventure'. They'd have a fun time, the boys promised, saying everything was fun when they were together.

Jiwoo was sitting between San and Wooyoung, and the three of them were chatting. Seohyun smiled when she saw that San was her voice; he'd say whatever she had to say.

She herself was in the middle row with Seonghwa and Yeosang by her sides. The two of them were also half bent backwards, listening to whatever the three of them were talking about. Seohyun had plugged her earphones in but she wasn't playing any music yet. She just listened to them talk.

"Tell us something about Seohyun," Wooyoung asked, giggling. Seohyun smiled inwardly.

"Well, Seohyun," Jiwoo thought, "she's quite rude, isn't she?"

"She's quite rude, isn't she?" San did his job, and the five of them laughed.

"She's not that rude,~" Seonghwa casted a glance at her, sighing in relief when he thought she couldn't hear him. Seohyun bit her cheek from the inside to stop smiling.

"She's scared of crows, of all thing," Jiwoo revealed, and the boys laughed a little. "She'll never show it, but when more than three crows are around, she runs for her life."

"Ah, I haven't ever noticed," Yeosang said, rubbing his chin, "she can hide it really well."

"Tell us some ghost story," Wooyoung asked. He was clearly enjoying this.

"I have a good one!" Jiwoo exclaimed and everyone seemed to scoot closer. "There was once a boy about her age who had the most stupid reason to not move on."

San almost stopped as he narrowed his eyes at Jiwoo and she assured him it was not Joon Hyuk. So San told the boys, and asked them to guess.

"He wanted an adventure too?" Yeosang laughed.

Jiwoo pouted, but said it could fall in that category, but it was a different sort of adventure. She told them to let their imagination run wild.

As San told the boys, Seohyun decided this was her cue to interrupt. "We are NOT going to talk about that!"

Wooyoung screamed a little in surprise. "Weren't you listening to music?!"

Jiwoo was just laughing and Seohyun bared her teeth at her, making everyone laugh and wonder just what sort of adventure did the boy want. After a hundred pleads from the boys, Seohyun finally told them that it didn't actually happen; she just threatened the ghost in unimaginable ways, making him move on without his desire.

"I think I have an idea of what happened," Yeosang thought, amusement in his eyes, "But I am too afraid to voice it out."

"I think you got it then," Seohyun nodded in approval and Yeosang gaped at her.

"You got it tough, friend," he said, patting her shoulder to comfort her. San and Wooyoung were pouting very loudly, and Seonghwa just stared at Yeosang and Seohyun as understanding passed between them.

"You both are so weird," Seonghwa finally said.

"If I tell you, Seonghwa, you'll drown in shame. Better protect your ears and your pure mind," Seohyun grinned.

San and Wooyoung exchanged glances, frowning, but they shook their head. It couldn't be that bad. Could it?

Seohyun plugged her earphones again, deciding she'd take a nap and actually played music this time.

-----------

"We're here!"

Seonghwa shook her awake, and Seohyun slowly opened her eyes, her hand going in front of her eyes as she blocked the sunlight. She took off her earphones and the sound of waves hit her, making her smile. She adjusted her green dress that reached below her knees, and put her hat on.

She saw that Jiwoo was already out, running along the beach, and San was watching her with a smile on his face. He turned back, meeting eyes with Seohyun, who suddenly felt out of breath.

San was handsome- painfully handsome. And the plain white shirt he wore didn't help. His hair was flying due to the breeze and he ran a hand through them, cocking his head to the side as he watched her.

The sun making his skin glow didn't help either.

Seohyun cleared her throat and joined him, and they both watched Jiwoo, in her jeans and green T shirt that she had died in- her permanent outfit, running as freely as she could, her red hair flowing behind her, her laugh ringing in the air.

"I didn't know she'd be that happy to see the beach. Hasn't she been here before?" Seohyun asked.

"I think she has. She knew the way. And I'm almost suspicious she's doing this just to annoy you," San answered.

As if on cue, Jiwoo stopped, doing a weird dance, then started twerking-

"And that's our cue to look away," Seohyun grabbed San, now laughing, by his arm and went to join the others. "They didn't have to come. They can't see her."

"We figured out a way to enjoy with her even if we can't see her," San smirked.

And that was how, a few moments later, they all were assembled in a circle playing cards.

"Why do I think San and Seohyun are cheating on us with Jiwoo?" Yunho looked at them suspiciously.

"How do you think the cards are in the air?" Seohyun asked, and Yunho grinned. She had a point. To anyone who could not see Jiwoo, it would look like a bunch of cards were in the air.

"I WON!" Jiwoo smacked the final card and jumped in the air. Seohyun gaped at her.

"You cheated!" She shouted.

"I was sitting with you the whole time, don't give me that shit," Jiwoo smirked.

San told them that she had, indeed, won without cheating and everybody groaned. Mingi dragged the food basket and him and Jongho started spreading the food.

"Can she really not eat?" Jongho asked.

"I'm afraid not," Seohyun answered.

"Isn't it rude to eat in front of a ghost?" Jiwoo put her hands on her hip and Seohyun popped a cherry in her mouth, saying, "It is."

San scoffed. Jiwoo kicked Seohyun's leg lightly and said she was going to walk. The rest of them started to eat.

"I heard the sunset here is very pretty," Seonghwa said.

"I've been here before," Mingi took a bite of his sandwich, "It really is the prettiest."

After eating a little, Seohyun looked in the distance where Jiwoo was standing near the shore, the waves flowing near her. Jiwoo looked back and started walking towards them, then stopped halfway and gestured at them to come.

"She's calling us," San said, and they all got up, joining Jiwoo.

"I want to play in the water," Jiwoo said.

"What's stopping you?" Seohyun asked.

"With you all, you dumbass," Jiwoo laughed and took her hand, leading her to the shore.

"Hey, hey, easy there," Seohyun laughed and let out a little yelp as the waves hit her bare feet. "The water is so cold!"

Jiwoo bent down and sprayed the water on Seohyun, smirking.

"Oh no, you did not!" Seohyun bent down and sprayed back before she could run. And so started a battle of getting each other wet. They all forgot all their worries for a while, running around in the waves, laughing as loudly as they could, laughing even louder when one of them got Jiwoo. By the time it got darker, they were all quite wet.

Yunho and Yeosang ran back to get towels for everyone, throwing them one each, and wondering if Jiwoo should have a towel. Seohyun said there was no need, but Jiwoo snatched hers once she was done.

"The sunset's here, guys," Yeosang said.

They all stood silently, side by side, watching the sky change to brilliant shades of candy, the sun reflecting on the sea. It was breathtakingly beautiful. At some point, Jiwoo crossed her hand with Seohyun's, and she turned to look at her face. Her red hair shone brightly and her eyes were wet.

"I want it to be the last thing that I see before I go," Jiwoo almost whispered. Seohyun's heart sank in her knees. It was really happening.

Jiwoo looked at San and smiled widely, San smiled back and waved at her. Jiwoo asked him to tell everyone that she was thanking them for doing so much for her. They all assured her it was nothing, and said they were gonna miss her.

San looked at Seohyun, nodding and urged the others to come with him. Only Jiwoo and Seohyun remained now, facing the sunset.

"It's really happening," Jiwoo finally said. A cry of pain escaped Seohyun's mouth. She couldn't take it anymore. Jiwoo rubbed her hand comfortingly, making her face herself. "You've given me an adventure. The time I spent with you, that was enough. Today was for you, Seohyun."

"Are you serious?" Seohyun asked.

Jiwoo nodded. "I told everyone it was for me, but no. It was for you. A gift for helping me out so much. For being a friend. A little sister that I always wanted."

Seohyun smiled sadly, "I'm gonna miss you so, so much. I got used to you, I shouldn't have."

"I know," Jiwoo smiled, kissing her forehead and wrapping her in a hug. Seohyun closed her eyes and inhaled. "Don't cry on me right now, Seohyun."

Seohyun laughed a little. "I'm trying not to, you're making it harder by reminding me!" She opened her eyes and saw the boys, watching them from a distance.

"I hope you'll open your heart more, Seohyun. That's my last wish. You had a tough life, but you have so many people, dead and alive, who love you. I hope you remember that, always."

"Unnie..." A tear escaped Seohyun.

Jiwoo watched the sunset, Seohyun in her arms, and it was perfect.

She closed her eyes.

----------------

Seohyun felt it, felt her presence fade away. She was no longer hugging Jiwoo. She stood for a few seconds before finally collapsing on the sand and she shuddered as tears began to flow. She put her face in her hands and cried her heart out.

The boys approached her, sitting around her, rubbing her back, telling her that it was okay. She just cried and cried, and she knew she was letting go of Joon Hyuk along with Jiwoo too. The proper goodbye that she had so badly wanted, she finally got it.

San put her arms around her and brought her closer, caressing her hair. After a few minutes, she was out of tears. She let her hair cover her face as she rested her head on San's shoulder, trying to normalize her breath.

Jongho handed her a water bottle. She managed a smile and took a few sips, rubbing her eyes. The boys looked at each other. They weren't sure what they should do next.

"God damn me if I ever befriend a ghost again," Seohyun said and finally laughed, making everyone else laugh along.

"Are you okay?" Hongjoong asked.

"Yes, I am, actually," she said, wiping her eyes again. "I'm done crying for a while now." Her eyes went to San, who understood and smiled.

"Alright, let's get some dinner."

-----------

The driver had dropped Seohyun home now, and was on the way to drop the rest of them. As Seohyun entered her home, it felt strange. She felt utterly alone now that she knew Jiwoo wasn't gonna be back ever.

She tried to recall the time, only a few months ago, when she hadn't met Jiwoo yet. What did she even do in her spare time? She could not remember.

Seohyun went in her room and changed into her PJs first. After she combed her hair and scrolled a bit, she got up to turn off the light and saw something lying on her desk.

It was a painting. Of Jiwoo and her, cheek to cheek, smiling, the black cat in their arms. Seohyun gasped a little and examined it. It was really well drawn. Who made it?

She turned the page and saw something written on the back of it:

Seohyun,

I remember now that I loved painting. Since we don't have any photos, I captured us in this painting. Now you have a photo!

Love always, Jiwoo unnie ^^

Seohyun laughed a little as she read how she had addressed herself. "I guess you really liked being called unnie," she thought out loud.

She set the painting on her bookshelf. After being content with its position, she turned off the light, and slept surprisingly peacefully throughout the night.

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"I swear to god if you don't make fun of me when I do something stupid, I'm never gonna talk to you all again."

"Well, that's new," Yeosang commented, "You're begging for it now."

"Better that then you all being like this!" Seohyun let out a frustrated sigh.

The boys were being ridiculously sensitive with Seohyun, and she was feeling absolutely uncomfortable. She hadn't noticed it the first two days, but then she noticed in the little things; how they'd always offer her food before eating themselves, how they'd always accompany her, etc. She had enough of the special treatment.

"You're acting like someone died," Seohyun said.

"Back at it with the dead jokes are you?" San shook his head.

"Technically, Jiwoo was dead," Jongho remarked.

"So did she die twice then?" Mingi wondered.

"Oh please," Seohyun sighed again, "I just want you all to act like we used to. No more special treatment. Please, this makes it worse. I'm already at terms with Jiwoo going. It was bound to happen."

"Alright, alright," Seonghwa said and shushed her. "We didn't know what else we could do. Back to normal, okay?"

"Thank you," Seohyun truly meant it. "Also, I think I'm ready to share my drums." The boys hooted except one.

"Are you angry?" Mingi asked. Seohyun immediately turned to San, who was suddenly interested in Wooyoung's fingernails.

"Now I am," Seohyun muttered, and San smiled without meeting her eyes. The teacher came and interrupted their session, so they went back to studying.

After school was over, the boys decided to go to their warehouse, while Seohyun asked if anyone would help her bring the drums. San volunteered and they walked to her home, the black cat in San's hand.

As they walked, talking about how it looked like the cat missed Jiwoo, San stopped in his tracks. "I think you have a guest."

Seohyun looked ahead and saw a middle aged man dressed like a doctor. He was a ghost. Seohyun shared a look with San and went ahead.

"How can I help you?" Seohyun asked. The ghost got startled when he saw that San could see him too.

Jiwoo had once explained that to ghosts, Seohyun shined a little brighter than the rest of the humans, which was how they knew. Seohyun had just thought she was crazy but now she realized, now that she was with San, that it must be true.

Or maybe Jiwoo hadn't been joking that one time when she said there was a banner on top of her head and every ghost could see it, only Seohyun couldn't.

"I was told you'd help me," the doctor said. Seohyun nodded and he continued. "I made a mistake. I operated on a patient and it went wrong. It was my fault. The patient lost his vision. They were going to sue me, but when I tried to settle it, we had an argument. They gave up on suing me, saying I wasn't even worth the trouble.

"It was a few days later. I went into a slump and started drinking a lot. I was on the roof of the hospital and it wasn't my intention, but I slipped. That's how I died."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Seohyun said, "How can I help you move on then?"

"I want to let the patient know that I truly am sorry, and I want to let my family, just my family know that it wasn't a suicide. I wouldn't leave them behind on purpose."

"But... isn't it easier for your family this way? Than knowing that you are now a ghost? That it wasn't an accident?"

"I think," San began, "that he's right. It's more easier for them if they know he didn't commit suicide. They'd feel really bad if they think he left them on purpose. No one wants that from the people they love."

The doctor smiled thankfully at San. "I'll take you to the patient first," he said and asked if he should teleport the two of them.

"Do you want to come? You don't have to," Seohyun said.

San stroked the cat's head. "I want to."

"I don't know if it's safe for San to teleport. So we'll take the mundane route. Lead the way, sir."

"It's quite a distance. I hope you have money for taxi," the doctor said.

On the way to the patient's house, they had a nice chat with the doctor. He told them about his life, back when he was famous for being a good surgeon. He had never made a mistake and he had always held pride in that. But with this particular patient, he took a risk he knew he shouldn't have.

He told them he had a 10 year old daughter and he wanted her to become a doctor too. He wanted her to know that it was good to save people, and she shouldn't be afraid to take risks but also be careful at the same time and know her limits.

Seohyun was actually touched by the whole thing. It was good to have ghosts like these once in a while; nice, well-mannered ghosts.

They reached the patient's house. It was in a posh area; the patient himself must be rich. The house looked more like a mansion from the outside. Upon ringing the doorbell, a woman appeared, who the doctor told them was his wife. She seemed to be past 50s.

"We're relatives of Dr. Lee, the one who operated on your husband. We're here to discuss things about the case."

The woman passed them a skeptical look, "The doctor passed away, didn't he? We gave up on the case altogether. What do you want now?"

"We just want to talk to Mr. Cho. It's important. Please."

The woman let them in, guided them to the chairs in the garden and said she'd bring her husband. San and her sat down, admiring the lush gardens. The doctor paced worriedly.

"It will be alright. I have a way with words," Seohyun assured the doctor.

The husband and wife arrived; San and Seohyun got up and greeted them respectfully. "I am Seohyun, Dr. Lee's distant relative. This is San, my cousin."

"Have a seat," he said and they all settled down, including the wife. Seohyun sighed and decided she'd get to the point.

"Dr. Lee made a mistake. You must know that," Seohyun said. The wife looked at her husband worriedly.

"So he says," Mr. Cho said, staring in the distance.

"He wants to apologize, sincerely. I'll get to the point. He's here right now. I can see ghosts, the dead who have not moved on. He had unfinished business here, because he wanted to sincerely apologize. He won't be able to move on until he hears your forgiveness."

"Is this a prank?" Mrs. Cho asked, but Mr. Cho shushed her.

"I hope you can prove he's here," Mr. Cho said.

"Dr. Lee told you about some ginseng plant right before you went under anesthesia. No one was there when he told you, right?"

"That's true," Mr. Cho smiled. His wife began to complain but he raised a hand. "That's interesting. My father had a friend. He could see ghosts too. Are you the Mediator?"

San and Seohyun looked at each other in surprise. "That's what they call me, yes."

Mr. Cho laughed a little. "I used to not believe my father and that friend of his for the longest time, until I saw something and couldn't believe my eyes. That's why I believe you too, girl. You're doing a good job."

"Thank you," Seohyun said.

"So Dr. Lee is here? I can speak directly to him?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright. Dr. Lee, it was your fault, I know. But I truly forgive you. There are things we cannot avoid. We call it fate or destiny. What's bound to happen, fortune or misfortune, happens and you cannot avoid it. That's what I believe. I want you to move on, without the burden of my accident holding you back. You didn't do it on purpose, and that is enough for me."

Tears escaped Mrs. Cho's eyes and she wiped them. Seohyun muttered to San, 'wise man', and they watched Dr. Lee's eyes shine with tears to as he said his apology and thanks. Seohyun conveyed the message.

They were offered tea, but Seohyun told them they had to get home. The man offered to help Seohyun out if she ever had trouble with this Mediator job. She accepted, saying she would pay a visit someday.

The three of them left the house, standing in the street and reflecting on what had happened.

"That went rather smoothly," Seohyun commented.

"I know!" San widened his eyes at her.

"Thank you, Seohyun. It really does feel like a burden off my shoulder."

"No problem, we should move now. What's the next job?"

"I don't think I can see them like this," the doctor said. "I love my daughter and my wife very much. Seeing them would want me to stay. Do you think I can write a letter to my wife? You can give it to her tomorrow."

"Will your wife believe that it was really written by you?"

"We had a secret code between us; we created it. If I mention it in the letter, she'll have to believe it. And she'll recognize my handwriting too."

San and Seohyun decided that was convenient, and Seohyun handed the doctor a pen and paper. He wrote a short one, muttering something about how the less he wrote the better it would be. Then he folded it and handed it to Seohyun.

"I trust you. You'll give the letter tomorrow, right? I wrote the address on the other page."

"I will deliver it personally."

"Thank you," the doctor smiled. "Do you think I'll be able to watch over my daughter?"

"Maybe you will," Seohyun said.

"Guardian angel," San added, making the doctor smile as he disappeared. He had moved on.

"Well," Seohyun said, "That was quick. I love it when ghosts are wise enough to actually know how to handle their mess."

San scoffed. "Let's go."

-------------

Grabbing some coffee from a café they passed by, they took a taxi to Seohyun's home. Seohyun insisted that they should eat before they packed the drums and go to the warehouse. San helped her set the table. She had made pasta last night, which she reheated, and had some chocolates for dessert.

"Does your mom ever come home?" San asked as he nibbled on the chocolate.

Seohyun yawned. San reflected. They both were tired and sleepy now. "She has an apartment near her office so she only comes once a week here."

San yawned again and Seohyun laughed. "Should I let you nap?"

San smiled lazily. "Let's just pack the drums while you're still angry. I don't want you to change your mind."

Seohyun threw the wrapper at him and he caught it before it hit his face, throwing it right back. She dodged it. "Come on, let's dismantle it."

It took them ten minutes to dismantle and pack the drums. But it was already night time, and the boys had locked the warehouse and gone home when San asked them.

"Well, I'll call them here tomorrow. They should take it if they want it so much."

"Good idea." San said, yawning again.

"I think if I let you go home now, you're gonna fall asleep in the middle of the road. Take a power nap, San."

"Oh no, I shouldn't. I'll just go," he said and walked past her, only to be grabbed by the arms and led to a room despite him insisting he was not THAT sleepy.

San entered the room and immediately knew it was Seohyun's. The potted plants, the books, the mess. And the painting.

"So that's the painting, eh," he said, walking towards it and looking at the detail, absolutely wowed by it.

"How do you know? I don't think I mentioned," Seohyun narrowed her eyes.

"Jiwoo told me she left a gift for you," he smiled. Seohyun went to stand with him, looking at the painting with him.

"She's really good," she said.

San looked down at her. She felt so small; he was about a head taller than her. He turned towards her, his hand going to play with her hair. "You're really okay, right?"

"I am, San," Seohyun assured him. "I do feel lonely when I'm home, but you guys make up for it everyday."

San nodded. He was still playing with her hair. Seohyun suddenly flushed; they were standing quite close to each other. San noticed her looking at him, her light brown eyes shining.

He seemed to be searching her eyes for something. And Seohyun wasn't sure what it was, but she felt her heart pumping louder every second. She was, oh god, she was so attracted to him. He made her feel so many things just by looking at her.

"What are you looking at?" Seohyun asked- almost whispered.

"You," San said, bringing his hand to cup her face, surprised when she leaned in to his touch and closed her eyes. It made him melt. He brought her in for a hug and she gladly wrapped her arms around his waist, his small waist. She could hear his heart beat just as loudly. San rested his face on her head, rocking them back and forth. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to stay like this as long as he could.

Seohyun sighed. All she could think about was how he felt. Her mind was truly blank.

San finally broke apart a little, Seohyun's arms still around his waist. He was staring at her, his hands cupping her face, putting stray hair behind her ears. Seohyun wanted to do the same to him, but at the same time she didn't want to let go of him.

"Seohyun, Seohyun," he whispered, loving the sound of her name on his lips. She bit her lip. It seemed like they just stared at each other for the longest time, afraid to say anything, until Seohyun smiled at the situation.

San kissed her forehead first, a light peck. When she didn't move away, he tilted her face a bit upwards to kiss her cheekbone, then her cheek, leaving butterfly kisses, making her tremble all over. She clenched his shirt tighter, out of breath already. Their noses brushed and she loved the feeling of it, his breath warm on her. And when their lips brushed, San finally kissed her properly.

And Seohyun's mind went blank.

San's hand went behind her neck and Seohyun finally left his waist, only to cup his face herself as she guided him along. They tasted chocolate on each other. Seohyun was deepening the kiss, she just couldn't get enough. San mirrored her movements, following along, making her bend backwards until her back hit the desk and her hand went to rest on it for support.

San broke apart to catch his breath. His eyes were glazed, and so were Seohyun's. He put his hand on Seohyun's, the one that was on the desk, and with a sultry look and half a smile, he kissed her again, so passionately that it made Seohyun curve back and back until San was half on top of her.

When they broke apart, finally short of breath, Seohyun smirked. "I thought you were sleepy."

"I still am," he said, resting her forehead against her and smiling, eyes shut.

Seohyun lead him to her bed, making him sit. She bit her lip and smirked as she positioned herself on San's lap. San held her by her waist and let her kiss him; on his cheeks, like he had done, a peck on his nose which made him laugh, and finally a kiss to the lips.

"God, the way you make me feel, Choi San!" She sighed dramatically.

"And how do I make you feel?" He questioned. Seohyun shook her head. "I'll tell you later. Now we sleep."

San set his alarm for a power nap and with Seohyun in her arms, they both slept peacefully. When the alarm did go off, Seohyun didn't budge. With a kiss on her forehead, he left the house.

----------

"There's something wrong with Seohyun," Yeosang announced and everyone turned to look at him.

"There's more?" Wooyoung asked sarcastically and Seohyun glared at him, turning to look at Yeosang, asking him what he meant by that.

"I don't know," Yeosang threw his hands in the air, clearly frustrated, "She keeps smiling to herself. It's creepy."

Seohyun and San shared a look and San, despite his struggle not to, burst out laughing. Seohyun pursed her lips, trying not to smile but failed.

"See?" Yeosang pointed at her, "Has she ever smiled like this?"

Wooyoung was looking at San and Seohyun. "You both.... Is there a secret I don't know about!?"

"I don't have secrets anymore..." Seohyun lied shamelessly, shrugging. San put his hands in the air and said, "I only laughed because of what Yeosang said."

"No, you're looking at each other with the most disgusting look in your eyes," Yeosang observed, "Don't tell me you two..."

"Ah, no, that cannot have happened!" Hongjoong waved him off as Seonghwa gasped.

"How could you even suggest such a thing?" Seonghwa shook his head, clearly disappointed in Yeosang.

"No, I didn't even say anything yet..." Yeosang looked at Seohyun to apologize but she smirked at him, making his eyes go wide.

"I am RIGHT! Something happened between these two, she smirked at me!"

Seohyun immediately put her poker face and looked at Mingi and Jongho, who were right in front of her, with the most innocent look in her eyes. "Did you see me smirk?"

Mingi and Jongho shook their heads. Yeosang shot Seohyun a glare. "I know I'm right. If this turns out to be true..."

"Stop being so dramatic," San said, shushing Yeosang, and got up to drink water.

They were all in the warehouse, having just left school, and were currently relaxing and drinking juice, chatting with each other. Yeosang had noticed Seohyun smiling more than usual, which made him think something happened. It didn't help that San and Seohyun couldn't stop exchanging glances.

Seohyun had brought the drum set with Yunho before coming to the warehouse. Seohyun motioned to Mingi and they got up, leaving the rest behind.

"Have you ever played drums before? Like, actual drums?"

"Yeah," Mingi answered, "A friend of mine had them."

"Alright, you should learn how to arrange them."

So Seohyun taught Mingi all about the components of a drum set, their various uses and how to dismantle them and put them back. Mingi listened carefully, and Seohyun smiled inwardly at how happy he looked. It made her feel guilty that she delayed it so much.

When they were done, they stood back to have a look.

"A much needed upgrade," Mingi smiled, ruffling Seohyun's hair, "Thanks."

"This drum set is my baby, okay? Use it well."

"Yes ma'am," Mingi saluted and Seohyun pointed at the drums. "Have a go."

Mingi sat on the stool, testing the weight of the drum sticks in his hand. He tested the sounds then, and played a little, freestyling, laughing as he did. The others had come to watch him, cheering and hyping him up.

"Not bad," Seohyun said when he finished, "Just go with your heart. Don't think."

"Your turn," Mingi handed her the drum sticks and she almost panicked.

"I think I'm good," she hesitated but someone pushed her forward. It was Yunho.

"I didn't go through all that trouble of coming to your house and carrying the drums to not see you play," he shook his head.

"Alright. Just a second," Seohyun said, tying her hair in a ponytail. "There you go."

Everyone hooted, clearly excited. This was the first time she was going to actually play in front of them, save for the time she had played the violin for San. San smiled at her as if he was thinking the same thing. Seohyun inhaled, testing the drums, and began.

She realized she really did enjoy playing the drums; there was just something about drums where you could express freely, and loudly, as if you wanted everyone to hear it. And it made her smile like crazy, put her brain on pause for a while and play with her heart.

She played like crazy, and when she was done, everyone was in awe.

"You're actually very good!" Hongjoong said, finally clapping. Seohyun bowed her head and got up. "I didn't expect this."

"It's like she was a different person," Jongho was looking at her with wonder.

"Teacher! you're my teacher from today," Mingi declared, and Seohyun scoffed at him.

"You don't need a teacher, teach yourself. I know you can."

"Nooo~" he wailed, "I would love you as a teacher!"

Seohyun just waved him off, going to San and smiling embarrassingly at him. He pinched her cheeks and she pouted, the two of them forgetting for a moment that everyone was still watching her.

"You two... there is something different!" Jongho laughed in disbelief. San and Seohyun started laughing. Yeosang just shook hands with Jongho, thanking him for finally noticing.

"They're not even bothering to deny it, guys," Yunho grinned.

"San is mine!" Wooyoung shouted dramatically, coming to hug San, sticking his tongue out at Seohyun. Seohyun glared at him, baring her teeth at him, and snatched San from him. Wooyoung gasped, and suddenly the two of them were in a battle, both pulling at San by his arms, who was laughing painfully, shouting for help.

"He's not even choosing!" Seohyun laughed, and winked at Wooyoung as she said, "Let's ditch him."

Wooyoung pushed San away, rather forcefully, who fell in Yeosang's arms. He put his arm in Seohyun and she flipped her hair as they walked away from him.

"No one loves me," San buried his nose in Yeosang's neck, pouting. Yeosang sighed, patting his head.

"You're right," Yeosang said, "Absolutely right."

"Hey..." San moaned like a little kid.

prev - next

[katerinaownsmyheart]

A Not so Welcome Home

Imagine being in a relationship with Spencer Reid and coming home to ripper Stefan

Crossover: Criminal Minds x The Vampire Diaries

Warning: Probably some cringey writing and death

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid, Vampire!Reader x Spencer Reid

"We have a case." JJ's voice echoed throughout the room. We all piled into the conference room, "Where's the case." "Mystic Falls, Virginia." I choked on the air as I heard my hometown called out. "Woah Y/N are you ok." Catching my breath I nodded my head quickly before snatching my phone up. All eyes were on me as I walked out of the room dialing an old friend of mine. "That was a bit odd..." Derek said as everyone was still watching me through the glass.

AT MYSTIC FALLS

The second we landed we were met with Elena, "Hey I'm Elena, and I'll be showing you guys around. Normally Caroline would but she's on vacation and her mom is the sheriff." The team followed Elena around the entire town . Everything was going according to plan until...

Everyone was boarding the plane when I received a call, I answered while sitting next to Spencer. It was all good but there it was. The Problem. Stefan had gotten out of the cellar and you can imagine he was mad. Actually no, more like furious with a hint of rage and a dash of hunger. As soon as I had boarded the plane I got off. I ran like a mad man, probably making the team suspicious but I couldn't let Stefan out of this town. Unfortunately this is when the team decided they needed to show off their loyalty.

(Spencer's POV)

I watched as Y/N ran off, "Guys! We have to go help, whatever is going on is obviously important; She might need help. They nodded and we chased after Y/N.

Regular POV

Panting heavily I smiled in triumph. I had made it, I'd beaten Stefan; or so I thought. Unknown to me, the team had followed me and now we all were face to face with a bloody Stefan. "Aw look N/N, they came to 'help' you." Stefan said with blood on his chin."Y/N what's going on and who is that." Spencer said, fear evident in his voice. JJ spoke up, "Why does he have b-blood on his chin." "You guys shouldn't have followed me." I said looking Stefan in the eye. "You guys might wanna move, things will be getting violent soon." They finally listened and moved off to the side, "What happened Stef? Why did you turn it off." "No reason." I tilted my head in disbelief, "Do I look like an idiot? I know something happened."

"Stop talking Y/N. Instead of asking me pointless questions, why don't you turn it off and join me." I shook my head, "I'm not falling for it again.You say "Join me, we'll be happy together." But it's a lie and sooner or later that 'happiness' will turn into sadness and anger." He laughed shaking his head before letting his veins show. "Your friends sure do look tasty. I am starving from being locked in that cellar. You know who looks most delicious? That boyfriend of yours." "You are not touching Spencer or the team." "Who's gonna stop me? Not you, I mean what would they think. Their precious Y/N turned out to be a vicious monster."

The idea of Stefan getting to Spencer angered me, with that my fangs poked out. "Are you getting upset? Too bad." I'd had enough, I sped to him and punched him. He did not like that; he punched back. Not even a minute later a fight had begun. Punches were thrown, fangs were shown, and the friendship that had been built was slowly shattering.

I was starting to lose so I did the only reasonable thing. I sped to Y/N's 'team', as they call themselves, and yanked her boyfriend. She saw me grab him and backed off, "Stef, let him go. He has nothing to do with this and he doesn't know squat about the supernatural." He was breathing hard in fear but all I could focus on was the blood pumping in his veins.

"It's gonna be ok Spence, I promise." He nodded but didn't look convinced. "What do you want? Blood? If so then no one will stop you, not me not Elena not even Damon. Just please let Spencer go." "You really care about him huh." "Yes." "Then I guess you don't want me to drain him dry." "No." "Alright then." Before I could do anything Stefan ripped out Spencer's heart and let him fall to the ground. "NO!" I sped to Spencer's body right before he hit the ground. The teams gasps and cries could be heard in the distance but all I could think of was all the blood.

I looked up at Stefan, "How could you!" I said with tears gushing out of my eyes. He laughed and sped away into the night. I looked back to Spencer, "No no. No no no no no no no!" "Y/N!" I looked up to see Damon and Bonnie. "H-He killed S-Spencer." I grabbed onto Spencer's hand, "This is all my fault. It's all my fault, I never should have went to the BAU. I never should involved them." "This isn't your fault Y/N. You didn't involve them, they got sucked in." "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I said looking down on Spencer. "Come on Y/N. Let's get inside." I could hear them talking but I didn't listen.

"Y/N? Let's go inside, figure out what to do about uh you know." I shook my head, "No, I can't leave him." "Y/N he's dead. He's gone. Soon his body is gonna smell and we don't wanna draw attention." "I'm not leaving him, and you can't make me."

THE NEXT MORNING

I woke to voices, "She's stayed the whole night?" "Did anyone find Stefan?" "No luck." I groaned, "Can you guys be quiet." "Sure, can you please come inside now." "No." "Y/N pleas-." "I said no!" They sighed and went inside except for Damon, "I'm serious Damon, I'm not leaving Spencer." "I know you're serious, I'll stay with you." "W-what?" "If you're going to stay then I will too." He sat down across from me. "Thanks." "No problem, you're my friend and if you need me I'm here for you." I hugged him, "I hate your brother." I mumbled into the hug. "I know."

THE TEAMS POV

We couldn't believe it, vampires exist, Y/N is a vampire, Spencer's dead. We watched Y/N stay the entire night outside by his body, morbid but kinda sweet. The Damon guy seems like he cares about her, so did the guy who killed Spencer but something was off. Kinda as if he was different than what he's actually like.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fun fact: This actually took me almost an entire week to write. It's kinda long but I didn't want to do 2 parts. I got the inspiration while I was watching tiktok, the song was sad and this idea just popped into my brain. Anyways, "Happy Wednesday my nerds." :)

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[drmazel]

so this episode was the first in a while to inspire a bit of theory speculation from me (yay lore! yay plot!!!) so here we go.

three big things from this episode that had me thinking (in order from quick thoughts to Many Thoughts Head Full)

sounds like daisy immediately went for jon. it’s possible that it’s because he was the closest, it’s possible that she could detect he was the biggest threat vis a vis prince of beholding and whatnot. but i’m kind of curious whether it might be because, despite their friendship, she perceived him as the same as her other victims; a hunt that never finished, prey that got away.

jon can’t see things when he’s distracted. this is VERY interesting. i’m really interested to see where this goes. he didn’t leave the cabin for some time since there was so much to see and feel and know on the outside. is he getting more control? was he dwelling on it too much, is having martin by his side on this journey helping with distracting him? is it possible that his powers are narrowing a bit, putting blinders on, as he approaches the panopticon? this tidbit happened twice this episode. this is definitely some delicious, delicious foreshadowing.

and now the biggest thing that’s been in my head all day; daisy’s ability to hurt jon. 

this obviously has some pretty severe implications and is some nasty (read: delicious) foreshadowing again. i doubt daisy is the only one with the capacity to hurt jon. he said it was due to their relationship before the change. interesting that martin didn’t ask him to expand on that, to see if he could guess who else felt “right” to be able to hurt him. he might not have thought to, he might not have wanted to know, or there could have been some webby mind meddling in there, who knows. i’m sure we’ll find out later. but here are my two speculations:

daisy was able to hurt him because she marked him

daisy was able to hurt him because he set aside his fears to get himself marked for her

with those ideas in my head, i did a quick run through of all the people directly responsible for marking jon, and all the people (i.e...... two, that i can think of) that he got himself marked for. let’s see where they are at this point in the story. 

thinking that physical entites responsible for marking the archivist are a weakness, here are his markings listed in order that he received them, from the tma wiki:

web - mr. spider. not really a person, moreso a supernatural manifestation of the leitner. might still be around somewhere. the bully that “saved” him is presumably gone.

corruption - jane and the worms. dead.

spiral - first mark was michael stabbing him, really. michael is gone. he’s also been marked by helen, who is still around.

stranger - not-sasha. smote. also nikola, who is also dead.

desolation - jude. smote.

vast - mike crew. dead.

hunt - daisy. dead.

slaughter - melanie. presumably alive and well.

end - the coma. not really a person. i do not count oliver as creating this mark, because the mark from the end was already there. i mostly consider oliver as a catalyst for jon choosing to embrace death or choose the eye, but not actually marking him.

flesh - jared. smote.

buried - the coffin. not a person. no idea how much of a factor it is anymore.

dark - the dark sun. not a person. manuela created the dark sun, but did not have any intent to hurt jon with it, so i do not consider her directly responsible.

lonely - either peter or martin. we’re not entirely sure of the nature of jon’s lonely mark. it was peter’s domain, but one could argue that he was as indirectly responsible as someone like oliver or manuela; created a situation or tool or pawn for marking jon. in this case, that situation/pawn was martin. whether jon’s fear for his own life or his fear for losing martin was responsible for the mark is not clear. an argument could certainly be made that martin made that mark. that said: peter is dead, martin is obviously alive and well(-ish).

eye - jonah. no explanation needed.

all that said, there are 1-4 people still around that could be a kryptonite to the archivist, if this theory is correct: helen (if you think marks past the first are still important), melanie, martin (if you consider him directly responsible for the lonely mark), and jonah. if this theory is correct, it is interesting that jon was going after people that marked him despite clearly not really enjoying doing so, and avoiding people that didn’t personally mark him. it lines up with my other theory that the web is running the entire show here, subtly compelling him to eliminate the remaining threats to his survival. we’ll come back to that but i bet you can guess where i’m going with that.

and then people that jon got himself marked for:

daisy (entering the coffin to save her) - dead

martin (entering the lonely to save him) - alive and well

and an argument could be made for melanie, though that was a bit more unintentional. also presumably alive and well.

hopefully i’m not forgetting anyone there; that concept is a bit more subtle. 

so if one of these theories is correct, that a list of 2-4 people still around that could be capable of hurting or even killing the archivist. i say kill because maybe it’s possible that a severe enough injury dealt fast enough, before he has the change to recover/regenerate, could be lethal. helen and jonah being threats are no real surprise and very boring to think about personally. here’s the fun bit because i love to suffer: melanie and martin.

melanie or martin needing to kill jon isn’t a new idea really. it’s on a few tma s5 bingos. but my thought is going back to that compulsion to smite the people that marked jon. again, this is absolutely rooted in my theory that the web has been driving the plot behind the scenes and is responsible for the apocalypse. not discussing that on this post because it’s long enough already and i’ve already talked about it a bit. if you disagree with that theory, you are welcome to ignore my concluding speculation. which is this.

people have been worried about the possibility that someone like melanie, or more likely martin, will need to kill jon to save the world. but what if the web pulls its strings, and tries to force jon’s hand in hurting or killing one of them? 

personally, i think he’d resist. i wouldn’t be surprised if he is strong enough to refuse to follow through, which breaks something in his status as semi-immortal semi-leader, or loosens the state of the world itself. but my brain has decided to draw that conclusion from this one tiny tidbit in this episode and it’s so fun to think about.

[five-rivers]

Not the King

Danny isn't the Ghost King. Really, he isn't. He doesn't know what they've been telling you, but it's not true.  @imperfection-at-itsfinest

.

.

.

"I'm not the Ghost King," said Danny.

Danielle blinked up at him. "But-" she said.

"I'm not," insisted Danny, glaring at the two one-eyed ghosts that had brought her here. "I don't know what they told you, but I am not the Ghost King. I mean, I'm not even a full ghost. I'm still in high school. It would be ridiculous to make me Ghost King, right? It would be insane, right?"

"I-" said Dani, taking in her surroundings, the high ceilings, the dais, the green-burning torches on the wall, the green plush carpet on the floor beneath her feet. "Where are we?"

"Nowhere," said Danny, too quickly.

"The palace of the High King of All Ghosts," answered one of the eye ghosts.

Danny glared. "She wasn't asking you," he said.

"Well," said Dani, "it was more of a general question, honestly. So, you have a palace, now, huh?"

"It is not a palace. And I don't have it. This is just- just an administrative building."

"Danny, there's a throne."

"An administrative throne. It's kind of like the office chair of the Ghost Zone."

"Infinite Realms," corrected one of the eyeballs.

"This is like... A lobby. A reception lobby," continued Danny. "Completely normal, so you can go now."

"Is it normal to be chained to administrative thrones?" asked Dani. Because he was. Chained, that is. They were glowing green and probably phase proof both to humans and ghosts.

"Yes."

"So, you don't need to be rescued?"

"No, I'm fine. I always escape eventually. This is the fifth time."

One of the eyeball ghosts turned to Dani. "Please. We're begging you. Talk some sense into him."

Honestly, where were their mouths? Did they even have mouths?

"I'm perfectly full of sense, thanks. You're the ones who're nonsensical."

"He's been like this for months," said the other one-eyed ghost, mournfully.

Dani looked between Danny, chained to the throne, and the one-eyed ghosts. "Talk some sense into him about what?"

"About his kingship!" The ghost spread his hands wide.

"I'm not a king! I'm a C-average student from America and I'm not even dead yet!"

"Yes, you are! You died years ago! Why are you making this so difficult?" shouted one of the ghosts.

"Doesn't count! I came back!"

"You celebrated your deathday last year!"

"Danny," said Dani, cautiously, "you're wearing a crown."

"Isn't a crown," said Danny, shaking his head, furiously.

"Then what is it?" asked Dani, genuinely curious as to what he'd come up with, but also starting to be concerned.

A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face. "It's, uh, it's a hat."

"Pretty fancy hat."

"Well, it is a ghost hat."

"It is not just a hat!" growled one of the eyeball ghosts. "It shows your position as-"

"Final dispute arbiter!" shouted Danny, drowning out the other ghost. "It's the ceremonial hat of the final dispute arbiter, but I really don't want the job. Too much paperwork. Too much, uh, reception work."

"Reception work where you're tied to a throne."

"Office chair, but yes. I keep telling them I don't want it. They won't listen."

Dani looked between Danny and the other ghosts once again.

"Can I have one of the rooms in your palace?"

.

"So, uh," said Dani, phasing through the wall into Jazz's room, "I heard that Danny is not the Ghost King."

"Yeah," said Jazz, not looking up from her formidable book, "we've all heard."

"What's up with that?"

"Oh, you know, just Danny being Danny, honestly." There was an edge of worry there.

"He doesn't actually believe all that about office chairs, does he?"

"If you're asking me if he's delusional, the answer is yes," said Jazz.

"Stop making fun of me!" yelled Danny from the other room.

"Stop eavesdropping on me with your super-hearing!" Jazz shouted back.

"It isn't my fault these walls are paper thin!"

Jazz rolled her eyes. "Anyway, he knows what's going on. He just doesn't want to know."

"Right. And for those of us who don't know?"

"Didn't the Observants tell you?"

"The who?" asked Dani.

"Eyeball ghosts. Very pushy."

"Oh. Yeah. Mostly they just yelled at Danny."

Jazz rolled her eyes and put aside her book. The title was Common Law in the Infinite Realms.

"The Ghost Zone needs a king," started Jazz.

Danny stuck his head through the wall. "It got along perfectly fine without one for hundreds of years."

Jazz, without taking her eyes off Dani, removed her shoe and threw it at Danny. It hit, dead center, and the ghost boy withdrew, shoe in his mouth.

"Nice aim," said Dani.

"Hey!" said Jazz. "Give me back my shoe!"

The offended article flew through the wall and landed neatly on Jazz's bed.

"Anyway," she said. "The Ghost Zone needs a king. Or wants a king. Or maybe it's just the Observants who want one. Either way, by ghost law, Danny's the rightful king because he beat Pariah Dark in single combat."

"Okay, that's cool. So, why doesn't he want to be Ghost King?"

"I think mainly he doesn't want to be responsible for a whole universe full of people."

Dani nodded. That would do it.

"So, he's in denial."

"Yeah. That, and I think he thinks that he can negotiate his title down if he tries hard enough. Of course, he won't talk to me about it, because he has an irrational fear that, if he acknowledges that it's happening, he'll be trapped."

"Well, I mean, that's reasonable," said Dani. "A lot of ghost things are actually like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Like, Danny and I are officially cousins, because that's what we said we are."

"Huh. I guess I hadn't gotten to that part yet," said Jazz, glaring at her book as though it had done her a great personal wrong.

"Maybe the crown thing also is supposed to do something," suggested Dani. "Like, if he says, 'okay, fine, I'm the Ghost King,' it binds to him or something? Like, maybe it melts on to his head, and he can't get it off? It is on fire."

"Wow. Thank you for that horrifying image that will never leave my brain," said Jazz. "Thankfully, that probably won't happen. Didn't happen to the last guy."

.

"If you're the king, does that mean I'm a princess?"

"I'm not a king," said Danny, glaring down at his homework. He furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "Technically, I'm a knight."

"What, really?" asked Dani, flipping herself so that she was sitting upright in the air. "Since when?"

"Dora knighted me. It was a while ago. I guess that'd make you a lady, then."

"Does that mean you can sword fight?" asked Dani.

"Yeah. She had one of her other knights teach me. I beat Vlad in a sword fight, a couple of times. He likes to think he's good, but he really isn't."

"Wow, you just described, like, fifty percent of his personality."

Danny snorted.

.

"I hear Danny has a new job," said Dani, squeezing in-between Tucker and Sam as they walked to school.

On the other side of Sam, Danny groaned loudly.

"Oh, yeah, we all know," said Tucker.

"We figure it's only a matter of time before ghosts start showing up at the school to congratulate him. Or, you know, fight him for the crown," said Sam.

Danny got a contemplative look on his face.

"Don't you dare lose on purpose," warned Sam.

"But, just imagine, the Box Ghost-"

"No. Remember Pandora's box?" asked Sam.

Danny deflated.

"You know," said Dani. "You probably won't even have to do anything. Like you said, there hasn't been a Ghost King in ages."

"You don't understand," said Danny. "The Observants hate me. The only reason they'd want me to do something like this is because there's baggage. Well, I'm not doing it."

"So, it isn't just because you think the title will do something to you?"

"Better safe than sorry, right?" said Danny. "If they are going to force me into... something, then I'm not getting extra supernatural hooks set into me because of the job title. Last thing I need is some kind of fine-print that means I have to let the Observants run my life. No way. They're not getting me like that."

A ghost portal opened up underneath Danny's feet, and he fell.

.

Dani found him tied to the throne again, crown floating over his hair. He looked absolutely livid. So did the several dozen Observants glaring at him.

"You must take up the title!" said one of the Observants, angrily.

"No," said Danny. "I'm not the Ghost King. I'm not going to be the Ghost King. Find someone who actually wants to do it!"

"There is no one else who can do it!"

Dani cleared her throat. All eyes turned to her.

"Look, have none of you people ever heard of a compromise?"

.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz were waiting in front of the Fenton Portal when they got back. Danny had sulked the whole way.

"Well," said Jazz. "What happened?"

"I'm not the Ghost King," said Danny, sullenly. He flew up through the ceiling.

"You'd think he'd be happier about that," said Tucker, looking up.

"Is he king now, after all?" asked Sam.

"Nah," said Dani. "He's the Ghost Prince. I'm a princess, now, by the way, so you have to call me 'your highness.'"

"I'm not doing that," said Sam.

"That's fair."

[rpmemes-galore]

angel: season 1 ... sentence starters

“You're not human.“

“Is that it? Am I done?“

“You've got pensive face.“

“Stop calling me pastries.“

“If that was my gift, I'd return it.“

“It was rude. We should go kill it.“

“I really hope they kill each other.“

“Get away from me. You're insane.“

“No, seriously, I wasn't hitting on you!“

“I'm just asking you not to go in there.“

“It's nice that she's grown as a person.“

“Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.“

“You're supposed to help people. Help me.“

“I really don't like it when people shoot me.“

“Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly.“

“You can't be alive. You... you're not human!”

“Demons. Is there anything more disgusting?“

“Where's the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom?“

“Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?“

“I've got two modes with people: bite and avoid.“

“Then get over it! I mean that in a sensitive way.“

“I guess the single life's particularly tough on you.“

“Do you know what anger is? It is nothing but fear.“

“You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?“

“What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now.“

“Well, perfect, that should make it easier for you, then.“

“So I'm a little reserved, that doesn't mean I don't care.“

“Look, you should lie down. We should take you home.“

“Yeah, well, I know what fear is. I can smell it right now.“

“Maybe you're changing. And that could be a good thing.“

“It doesn't end. It never, ever ends. It just goes on and on.“

“I know you're not planning to kill me. But you're willing to.”

“I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.“

“Look, if you ever need me, or if I can help you in any way...”

“He's right. That was rude. I'd be honored to eat your brains.“

“I really don't want to hurt you. Bruises bring down the price.“

“No. You're not scaring me. You're not scaring me. Not one bit.“

“True. But the games are indoors and they usually play at night.“

“It's beautiful, and if it goes away it's like... I’m still being punished.”

“It was like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes.”

“Do you two need to be alone or can we get on with the ouchy part?“

“Well, stranger things have happened. No, wait... they really haven't.“

“What do you think you're doing here? You never should have come.“

“I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle.“

“I mean, honestly, what kind of statement is this thing trying to make?“

“Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner already?“

“How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?“

“Maybe you might wanna think about mixing up the black-on-black look.“

“I think I know a vampire when I'm... alone with him in his fortress-like home.“

“You don't know who he is, do you? Oh, you are so gonna get your ass kicked.“

“I didn't ask for this responsibility, unlike some people who shall remain lifeless.“

“I think you're gonna pack your little ghost bags and get the hell out of my house.“

“You're not the type who takes the easy way out, which is why I like you so much.“

“Wow, what a nice place. I love your curtains. Not afraid to emphasize the curtains.“

“I'm gonna thrash you within an inch of your life. And then I'm gonna take that inch!“

“I'm glad were not playing friends anymore, and I'm real sick and tired of your attitude.”

“Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.“

“If you ever wanna, you know, spend one night away from the place, maybe give me a call.“

“Well, I'd better get mingly. I really should be talking to people that are somebody. But it was fun!”

“You did terrible things when you were bad, didn't you? And now you're trying so hard to do good.“

“I finally get invited to a nice place with no mirrors, and lots of curtains... hey, you're a vampire!”

“Hey, you look troubled. Or is that just your lazy eye? ...Anyway, call us, we're very discreet.“

“This socializing thing is brutal. I mean, I was young, once. I used to go to bars. It was never like this.“

“Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster.“

“Because, we deserve a night of fun, don't you think? I mean, it breaks up those nights of death and mayhem.“

“I think you gave up on being loved a long time ago, and now you're just another creep who gets off on pain.“

“Oh, you wanna talk about being mature? Maybe it's time you grew up and realized that you can't have everything.“

“I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.”

“You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way.”

“We've only done one of the five basic torture groups. We've done blunt, but that still leaves sharp, hot, cold, and loud.“

“Hey, you know, maybe we should go over this thing again of you getting out in the world and involving yourself with people.“

“Maybe he has an accomplice, or he has a hidden camera. Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural, you know.“

“Everyone just simmer down here, okay? Violence is not gonna solve a thing, alright? ...On the other hand, it's kind of festive.”

“You're makin' me wanna fight some more. You get lucky, you might last ten minutes; really lucky, and you're unconscious for the last five.“

“You need someone to organize things, and you're not exactly rolling in it, Mr. ‘I was alive for 200 years and never developed an investment portfolio’.”

“People will be attracted to my positive energy and help me achieve my goals. I am right where I'm supposed to be, and... not dying for something to eat!“

“You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor, pathetic (name)? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly, translucent ass out of this place, 'cause lady, the bitch is back.“

“I grew up in a nice home. It wasn't like this, but we did have a room or two that we didn't even know what they were for. Till the IRS got all huffy about my folks not paying their taxes for, well, ever. They took it all.“

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 10

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7; Season 8; Season 9]

Episode 1:

Cas is slowly dying, practically naked, in a bed, and the first thing he says when talking about Dean is "I miss him" (6:35), with a soft smile. "Why would he just disappear?"

... I'm sorry but If Cas Were A Woman, this would look like a scene from a movie or something, where the wife talks to a friend over the phone about her missing husband. JUST SAYING

Crowley: "The girl seemed nice. Slightly damaged. I could see the old you falling for that." (9:29) uhm... who else is "nice and slightly" damaged? I don't know... CASTIEL??!!!

So... these two men (actors Todd Mann and Brad Mann) we see with the DemonGang, are real life twins (9:14).

At (27:18), Crowley states him and Dean did "extroardinary things to triplets" ... and, well, the only twins with a possible other sibling we see are... them

And this is not the first time we hear about Dean doing "things to triplets" with a buddy of his (15x07)... and the first time he was NOT a demon... so, there's that. And triplets don't necessarily mean "all females"

Cas, while talking about the good things that come with choices, mentions "hope, love, dreams" (39:06), and Hannah points out that "those are human things". Human things...

Cas is talking about his own personal experiences with creating chaos, so those are the things he felt after rebelling for... Dean... WOW. ICWAW, it would totally be read it as a reference to Dean. A romantic one. Fight me

Episode 2:

Cas is dying, just got back from a fight that left him wounded, doesn't have enough power to heal himself, is on a mission to restore Heaven, and once again he chooses to go save Dean (9:35), and the way rage builds in his eyes when learning Dean has become a demon. Look at this shit

I might be crazy, but this feels like a touching metaphor to me:

"I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean. What are you? A demon? [...] Maybe you're human. [...] Why don't you do us all a great, big favor... and pick a bloody side!" (22:22)

METAPHOR

Episode 3:

We are reminded that, even tho in terrible conditions, on the verge of death, Cas is willing to risk it all to save Dean, and is devastated by the thought of Dean not making it (4:47 - 5:17)

This is so funny to me, I'm sorry, but Cas is so visibly uncomfortable with Hannah touching him, it's hilarious (15:58)

"I've been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur. Emotions, feelings... They're dangerous temptations." (22:32) like rebelling against your own kind, destroying your home, falling... all for a human?

"I'm trying to keep our priorities clear." Moments earlier, Cas listed "Getting to Dean" (22:17) before anything else. In fact, Hannah says "I am very clear of my priorities... and yours." = Dean (23:00)

Cas is not sure whether the cure will kill Dean or not, and in any case, he wraps his arms around him, and softly says "It's over... Dean it's over." (35:40) as if hushing him to sleep, in what could have been their last moments together... wow. Think about this ICWAW

"Well, I can see his point. Only humans can feel real joy, but... also such profound pain. This is easier." (36:17) Look at the way Sam is looking at Cas looking at Dean

BITCH OKAY!!

SAM KNOWS

POSSIBILE future Empty reference "real joy"

Cas already stated he misses being human, but knows how fragile they are in both body and spirit:

Castiel really wants to be with Dean. For real. But maybe he thinks (see season 9) him being an angel is an obstacle to their feelings.

Only by being human he can truly be happy (MMMMMMHH SEASON 15), but isn't sure he could handle the pain that comes with it. A possible rejection, the thought of Dean dying, him leaving Dean... MMMMHHHHH

"You look terrible." [...] "Well, you, on the other hand, you... *checks out Cas* Looking good." (39:09) full homo right there. Also parallel with Ketch in 13x18 ("You don't look good." "Yeah, well, you're not my type, either.")

The way they are looking at each other here... man.

Cas is so happy to have Dean back, and Dean looks hurt about Cas leaving so soon.

"So... so, you're back?" "At least temporarily." (39:27) bitch, you know that's not what he ment.

In all of this, Cas is trying to make Dean feel better about the whole situation (DAT SMILE 40:18), and Dean replies with "I'm glad you're back, man.", basically no-homoing himself...

Cas starts walking out of the room, but stops and turns back [insert concerned husband here] (40:27), and Dean has that hopeful look in his eyes, like Cas is going to stay, and the hurtful look comes back as soon as Cas is gone

Episode 4:

"On your knees!" "Wow, I'm awfully flattered-" (34:33) SASSY BI DEAN IS THE DEAN WE DESERVE

Episode 5:

Fucking kill me NOW!!! Dean's reaction to Destiel is PRICELESS!! And even before he learns what that is, he just looks at the girls playing him and Cas and... freezes for a moment (13:18) And the eyebrow raise thingy at (13:34)... what's going on in your brain, Dean?

I'd like to point out that the Italian translation for "You can't spell 'subtext' without S-E-X" is, for once, AMAZING:

"It's just that... their bond is so strong it has subtext of a... sexual nature."

THANK YOU ITALIAN DUB! JUST THIS ONCE, THANK YOU! (13:43)

Also at (9:44) Dean immediately reacts to the implication of Wincest subtext, shutting it down and telling the girls to take a step back, but with Destiel he is like... alright

... this is so fucking cute, (25:54) Dean adjusts the girl playing Cas' tie so that it's messed up like the real Cas'. ADORABLE

SAM SHIPS IT (13:57) and is teasing the SHIT out of Dean, who reacts like someone being teased about their crush. Just saying (14:08 - 14:52) [AND THIS HAPPENS IN FRONT OF A PINK-BLUE WALL]

"I know I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this version of Supernatural." (26:44) ... oookay meta? *turns to "Cas"* "And I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can." ... oKAY?!

Episode 7:

Cas being extremely uncomfortable with women is too fucking funny to me (5:03 - 12:51)

Episode 9:

(15:13) Alright, so, this is a date... what now? Anyway, nice bi flannel, Dean. And the little sweet smiles you two are giving each other? So fucking precious (16:01)

"I ain't exactly a role model." "That's not true." (16:07) how Dean looks at Cas right after that? BABIES!

"How are you, Dean?" "Fine." "*I-call-bullshit look*" "I'm great!" "No, you're not." (16:18) #MARRIED

As Cas is choke-holding a guy, Dean, clearly amused (almost proudly), says "I'd do what he says." (22:17) Like that time with Raphael in 5x03, Dean likes it when Cas gets rough

Episode 10:

Shut the fuck up and marry each other already so you can finally actually BE the old married couple™️ you ALREADY ARE (22:17)

This is the "My husband is so FUCKING STUPID" look (22:30)

"I was hoping you might reach out to her." "... Me? I'm probably the last person she'd want to hear from." [...] "All I know... is she won't talk to me." (23:03) #MARRIED, PARENTS, PERIODT

Shut the fuck up. Cas is the dad trying to figure out technology (23:36) "I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emotions!" DAD

Cas worries about Dean like a wife would with an alcoholic husband

Of all the things Dean could be MAD about at Metateon... the first thing he can think of is him stealing Cas' grace (31:33) (okay, maybe he is going in chronological order but STILL)

Episode 11:

[I AM SO SO SO SORRY BUT DEAN USED THE ALIAS "PRESLEY" (18:55) I AM NOT OKAY]

Episode 14:

Have this deleted scene: Castiel and Crowley bitching over Dean, and Crowley calling Dean Cas' boyfriend

This is some hell of a goodbye-eye-love-making scene (26:57)

Cain compares himself to Dean... and CAS TO HIS WIFE COLLETTE [PARALLELS]

"You're living my life in reverse [...]

First you'd kill Crowley. You'd get it done, no remorse. (Cain had been killing his descendants, for whom he didn't care much)

And then you'd kill the angel, Castiel. Now, that one... that, I suspect, would hurt something awful. [And than Sam is Able, bla bla...]"

AM I WRONG?! YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG??!!!

Dean gives the First Blade to Cas... oKAY (37:10)

Worried brother-in-laws (41:27)

Episode 16:

This is such a good source of hidden meanings scene! Dean starts his "confession" as a scam. Everything he says at first is to attract the spirit.

He starts talking about seeing lots of women, not being able to control himself, and being sick of it. Then the real confession begins...

Dean feels he's going to die soon, and fears not death itself, but what he would be missing from his life.

"There's things... people, feelings that I... I would experience differently than I had before. Or even for the first time." (25:28) and the priest believes Dean is talking about love.

Well... "people, feelings"... who could he be referring to? Does Dean want love all of a sudden? People he wants to experience for the first time... uhmmmm... Is Dean opening up to his attraction to MEN??!! Or one angel in particular?

ICWAW we would guess Dean was talking about Cas

"Who mixes their blood and bones into paint? No woman has ever done that for me." (39:19) UHM- Dean, what about

6x20 "He has bled, died bla bla bla for us",

7x21 "I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters" or

9x22 "You just gave up an entire army for one guy"

ICWAW we would ALL roll our eyes at this statement and scream CAS

THE GUY BLED, LOST HIS HOME, REBELLED, DIED FOR YOU!! HE REBUILT YOU PIECE BY PIECE FROM HELL- SAVED YOU DOZENS OF TIMES!!!

Episode 17:

About saving Dean from the Mark: "We won't- (free Metatron)" "Yes, you will... because you're desperate." (9:44) Hannah knows. Let's remark that

"All I'm getting from you is... colours." (14:26) bitch he is a walking 🌈PRIDE FLAG🏳️‍🌈

Notice how, when we get a Sam-Cas centred episode, we don't get the same interactions with Dean-Cas? Why this?

Dean is always ready to call Cas a "brother", but the only one true bromance here is Sam and Cas'. There are no longing stares, no weird sexual filled dialogue nor tension, NO LONGING STARES

Facts, my people. Facts

Episode 18:

"You killed my friend." "Oh, pff, Dean is fine, mostly. Can't you get past that?" "Never." (12:39)

Charlie being excited about meeting Dean's famous boyfriend is WHOLESOME (37:34)

To have Cas back, 100%, safe and sound, is a win for Dean (38:58) and the face Cas makes after Dean hits him with another no-homo "It's good to have you back, pal." is "UHH not this again". Charlie already ships it

Episode 20:

A #MARRIED couple and their daughter. NO ARGUMENTS VALID (7:06)

Look at how they enter the motel (16:22)

OH MY GOOOOOD!!! #PARENTS coming back home from shopping!! THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER!!! Also

"Happy birthday. I got it at the Hot Topical" DAD

Dean: "Imma head back over there." Cas: "I'm coming with you." Claire: "I'm coming with you too." (17:24) #FAMILY

A fucking family comedy about a dad confronting the daughter's boyfriend and the other dad scolding him:

"What did you do to him?" "I didn't lay a hand on him!" "Dean, that isn't exactly true." "... Well, I didn't kill the guy." (17:14)

Surprisingly enough, this is not the first nor last time Dean acts like a dad to a lost child (AND TWO OF THESE TIMES THE KID IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO CAS) (21:54)

Episode 22:

C: "Claire, you are not going out there. [...] It's too dangerous. I can't let anything happen to you." D: "Claire, you're not going." C: "You're not either, Dean." D: "What?" (19:29)

#FAMILY DON'T TALK TO ME!

"No fighting. [...] Both of you." AAAAAA

This doesn't fucking matter, but Dean just said "... for the ladies. Or the fellas. I don't judge." (36:23)

Cas' speech to Dean... wow. "So if there's even a small chance that we can save you... I won't let you walk out of this room." (39:20)

I hate this scene. (40:11)

Dean is overwhelmed by Charlie's death, Sam and Cas' betrayal, the Mark changing him and all the other shit.

The Mark is taking over, and Dean can't (and won't) help it. Cas knows it. He doesn't want to hurt Dean. He is not even resisting. Doesn't put up a fight.

And just like Colette with Cain, Castiel only asks Dean one thing: "Stop." (40:38) [9x11]

Parallel to 8x07:

The only thing that stops Cas from killing Dean, is him begging, clutching onto his sleeve.

"Dean... please..." (41:08) Cas pleading Dean, clutching to his arm, makes him resist the urge to kill him.

Episode 23:

You can find gifs and the script of some deleted (destiel) scenes in this post by @charlie-minion

As the Mark eats Dean... he starts feeling guilt for the people he hurt... first on the list: Cas (14:54)

(This gif is not mine)

Well... what a season.

[Season 11>>]

[thiswasinevitableid]

Could you do an Indruck (or OT4 because you got me into the whole pairing :) ) NSFW ghost prompt? Go nuts, I just love your writing and I trust your creative vision.

Here you go! I went with the OT4. And I’m so glad you like that pairing!

The kitchen box is half-unpacked when there’s a knock on the door. Duck figures it’s the take-out he ordered, so he’s surprised to see a tall guy in nice jeans and short-sleeved dress shirt decorated with Jackalopes. Unless the Thai place uses male supermodels as delivery boys, this isn’t his Pad Thai. 

“Uh, hey, what can I do for you?”

“I’m your downstairs neighbor, so I wanted to come up and introduce myself. I hope I’m not interrupting dinner.”

“Nope, still waitin on it. Nice to meet you, name’s Duck.” He holds out his hand and Mr. Gorgeous shakes it. 

“Joseph. Oh, um, here” he produces a small greeting card with a sea monster on it, “welcome to the neighborhood.” His pocket rings, and so he excuses himself, hurrying down the stairs with his phone to his ear. The card contains a gift certificate to the coffee shop on the corner. 

They don’t cross paths again right away. It’s more that Duck will move Joe’s packages into the main hall rather than leave them on a rainy porch, and Joe delivers Pinecone the cat back to him after she slips out the door and down the stairs while Duck wrestles his keys. 

As it warms up, they use the pool around the same time each day (which is how Duck learns Joe’s had top surgery, same as him), and start talking more in the lobby when they see each other. He learns Joseph works for the FBI in the UP, the agreement being he can make X-files jokes as long as Joe gets to make Smokey the Bear references in return. The way Joseph laughs, water streaming down his honest-to-god defined abs as he pulls himself onto the edge of the pool, makes Duck glad he’s never seen a boyfriend coming or going from the other mans apartment. 

Tonight, he’s done helping Joe get all his groceries up the stairs in one go, and decides to go for it. 

“Hey, uh, Joe? You doin’ anythin tomorrow night?”

“No.” He studies Duck’s body language and gives an encouraging smile. 

“In that case; wanna get dinner?”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“I think this building is haunted.”

Duck, head still resting on Joe’s chest after jacking him off as thanks for an excellent blowjob, laughs, “That’s some interestin pillow talk you got there.”

“Are you that surprised?”

“No, you fuckin nerd.” He nips his collarbone, shifting so they’re each on their sides, facing one another, “for real though, why do you think we got ghosts runnin’ around?”

“At first I thought I was imagining it, or that I felt like I was being watched because the cases studies I was reading put the suggestion in my head. Then things started moving around the apartment, and now and then I swear I hear people whispering. I tracked the sound one day and it was coming from the wall that looks out onto the street. No one was down there, and if it were the result of an echo or strange acoustics, I’d notice it more.”

“Huh.” Duck pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue.

“Still, I’m not ready to say for certain that it’s haunted. That kind of thing requires concrete evidence that I just don’t have. Sorry, shouldn’t talk shop when I have a, um, guest.” He wiggles back into Duck’s space, kissing him gently, and Duck forgets what they were talking about.

---------------------------------------------

He knows Ouija Boards are a dodgy investigation tool at the best of times, but today he came home to find all his laundry folded when he had, much to his chagrin, had to leave it in the bag in a rush to get to work. 

No one has a key to his place. Which means whoever did that had another way in. 

He clears his throat, “If there is a ghost or other supernatural entity in the apartment with me, I wanted to say thank you for putting my clothes away.”

Nothing but his own creeping humiliation, then a slight chill across his face. The planchette moves

U.R. W.E.L.C.O.M.E

“HAH!” He whoops, “I was right! My apartment is haunted. Okay, um, spirit, do you have a name?”

B.A.R.C.L.A.Y

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Barclay. You’ve been spending a lot of time around me.”

Y.E.A.H S.O.R.R.Y

“You don’t need to apologize, I don’t mind it. You’re not malevolent, and if this was your apartment when you died, I can’t very well get mad at you for hanging around. Are you able to become visible?”

YES

“Is there, um, a reason you’ve never materialized around me?”

D.I.D.N.T W.A.N.T T.O S.C.A.R.E Y.O.U

“You won’t, I’m a professional. And I’m curious about the person I’m sharing my home with.”

The planchette trembles, unsure of it’s direction at first. 

S.H.Y

That explanation never occurred to him. 

“That’s alright. If you ever change your mind, know you don’t have to hide on my behalf.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Barclay, even I can tell that was an invitation to interact with him. What more are you waiting for?” Indrid cocks his head. 

“Maybe he’s just trying to appease me because he’s scared of ghosts?”

“Those ‘paranormal romances’ on his shelf suggest otherwise.” Indrid touches Barclay’s cheek. They’re in the wall, their shared nature meaning they can see, hear, and touch each other without trying, “dearest, you’re clearly fond of him, and he’s eager to meet you.”

Barclay’s beard scratches his palm, “Yeah, I know. I’m just...I like to take things slow and, uh, I guess this is no exception.”

Indrid chuckles, dryly adds “Yes, I recall how long after propositioning you it took for you to practically bang down my door.”

“Okay, hot little art punk who literally asked me if I wanted to see what his tongue piercing felt like on my dick is the exception.” He kisses Indrid’s cheek before drifting away. 

Indrid floats up into his former apartment, now occupied by Duck Newton. He spends most of his days on the couch while Duck is off at work, watching T.V or reading or, increasingly, playing with Pinecone, the only being he’s materialized for in some time. He’s been content to never alert Duck to his existence, but yesterday he overheard him remaining skeptical at the idea of the building being haunted, much to Joseph’s disgruntlement. Indrid’s as well; Barclay isn’t the only one who finds Joseph attractive and charming. 

So he thinks Duck deserves some low-stakes haunting of his own. 

---------------------------------------

Duck’s having a hell of a week. The hinges on his cabinets must be going, because they keep falling open, his router keeps getting unplugged (probably by Pinecone), and no matter how he insulates, there’s a chill in the living room. 

Worst off all, when he pulled the fridge away from the wall to see if it was to blame for the cold spot, it revealed a hole into the wall that is just big enough for Pinecone to get into. Which she did, last night, and will not come out no matter what he tries. 

When he walks into the living room after work, his brain stalls out. The good news is, Pinecone is no longer in the wall. 

The bad news is she’s floating at a fixed point four feet about the floor. 

His cat notices him, mrrps, and lands on the floor. All Joe’s talk of ghosts suddenly feels very real and points at one conclusion.

“Holy shit” he picks up the black and brown ball of fluff, “my cat’s fuckin’ possessed.”

“Not quite” the voice in his ear is quiet, lilting.

“JESUSFUCK.” He spins to face an invisible interloper, Pinecone firmly in his arms. 

A smile, and only a smile, appears a fear inches above his eyeline, “Do you still doubt the building is haunted?”

“Wh--motherfucker, you’re Joe’s ghost and you decided to talk to me? To what, make a point?”

“Yes and no. Yes in that I wanted you to stop doubting my existence. No in that Barclay is the former resident of Josephs’ dwelling. I am a former resident of this one.”

The implications of there being a ghost dedicated to his apartment hit him like a train, “Have you just been hangin around me since I moved in, watchin my every move?”

The smile wavers, “Nono, nothing so alarming. I usually come here when you’re at work, or spend time with Barclay in the spaces between walls and worlds. That’s, ah, not to say I haven’t been in the armchair while you were watching T.V on the couch, but in my defense you have very interesting taste in documentaries.” The ghost notices Duck’s alarm, and the smile fades from view, “I apologize. It was rude of me to be in your space without permission. Space is a much more malleable thing when you’re a ghost, but that is no excuse.”

“I mean, yeah, it’s fuckin creepy.”

Pinecone jumps from his grasp, winds herself in a circle around what must be ghostly legs. 

“But uh, my cat likes you. And she can be skittish. I, uh, worry about her gettin lonely on days when I work late. So you can hang around when I’m out. But other’n that we gotta play by vampire rules; you don’t come into my space unless invited. Deal?”

The smile flickers back into view, “Deal.”

---------------------------------------------------------

Joseph, all too aware of his own perfectionist nature, tries to avoid jealousy. It only ever serves to poison him against others and his own fragile inner being. 

But lord almighty is he jealous that Duck got a verbal, physical visit from his specter, Indrid, while Barclay doesn’t so much as whisper in Joseph’s vicinity.  It had been hard to be envious in the moment, because he was too excited by the news, to the point that he climbed into Ducks lap and started kissing him because all his adrenaline needed an outlet. 

Then Duck had frozen, asking if he thought the ghosts would watch them hook-up. Joseph pointed out that Indrid had promised to only visit when invited and Barclay was polite, so odds were good they were truly alone. He kept the fact that Duck’s suggestion made him instantly hard to himself.

(Duck picked up on it anyway, if the jokes about Ghost and the supremely satisfying make-out session were anything to go by).

He’s making fried rice for dinner, is mid-way through chopping green onions when his phone buzzes. A glance over his shoulder reveals it’s not a work call or an emergency. Suddenly, something cold and strong grips his right hand and there is, without a doubt, a human frame pressed to his back. He can’t move his hand, follows the line of his knife and sees the next chop would have caught his finger.  

“Barclay?”

“Yeah. Sorry I, uh, just didn’t want you cutting a finger off.” The hold on him disappears as that baritone drips down his spine. 

Joseph turns just as Barclay comes into view; he’s taller than Joseph, a rare thing given he’s six-foot, with shaggy brown hair and a short, coppery beard. Full lips and brown eyes round out the face that is straight from Joseph’s fantasies.

“Wow. Um, I mean, thank you for saving me a trip to the emergency room.”

“No problem.”

Drawing on years of training, he tries to keep the other man talking, “Were you just passing through?”

“Kinda. This is gonna sound weird but, uh, I loved cooking when I was alive. Sometimes I like to be close by when you’re cooking so I can get some of the sensations again.”

Joseph steps to the side, gesturing to the cutting board, “Do you...want to help me make dinner? If you can interact with my body, you should be able to prepare veggies no problem.”

Barclay hesitantly steps to the counter, shakes his head when Joseph offers the knife, “I have to dematerialize first. Being visible and being solid take so much energy that I can only do one or the other.”

“Fascinating. Just, um, I hope I get to see your face again.”

Barclay disappears, and a half-second later an invisible hand squeezes his arm, “Think I can manage that.”

Barclay joins him for dinner regularly after that. Duck recovers fairly quickly to Joseph’s spectral assistant, especially when Barclay makes him french onion soup. Joseph suspects Duck is also getting used to ghosts in general, since more than once he’s knocked on the door and walked in to find the ranger conversing with Indrid (though Indrid insists on remaining dematerialized). 

Tonight it’s just him and Barclay, and Joseph is busy sticking his foot in his mouth.

“I’m sorry, that’s a rude question-”

Barclay chuckles, “Not really, it’s kinda the first thing everyone wants to know about ghosts, right? Why we’re here? Short answer is, uh” he sighs, “I had a heart condition but not the time or money to get it checked out. Fucking thing failed me one Sunday morning at that was it. Poor Indrid found me. We had a casual thing going and he had a key to my place. Came to check on me when he heard me hit the ground.”

“Oh Barclay, that sounds awful for you both.”

“Yeah, death isn’t my fave.” Barclay lays down, disappearing so his head can rest properly in Joseph’s lap. The agent feels around until he finds soft hair, petting it as Barclay continues his story.

“At first I thought my unfinished business might have to do with Indrid. But when he died pretty soon after, I kinda figured it was more that when I died, the direction I went was the ‘become a ghost’ one and not, like, the ‘rest in peace’ one.”

“Do you wish you could move on? Because I have access to a lot of classified occult information.”

The head under his hand turns, the direction of the motion suggesting Barclay is looking up at him, “Gotta be honest, lately being a ghost has gotten way more interesting.”

------------------------------------------------

It takes two drawers before Duck finds where he put the AAA batteries. The package is already open, and when he gets to the living room his Carbon Monoxide detector is floating, back removed as fresh batteries click into place.

“Damn, ‘Drid, the thing just started beepin about it’s low battery.”

“Such things cannot be delayed. Trust me.”

“....Oh fuck, is that what got you?”

The detector slips back onto it’s wall mount, “Yes. I, I was always so careful, trying to prepare for every possible disaster. When Barclay died I, ah, I found it harder to do daily tasks. One of those was replacing the batteries in this” a plastic tap, “the low-power beep kept bothering me, so I detached it, planning to fix it in the morning. Then the next morning, and the next, and so on. Well, I put it off one too many times. A mundane, pointless death if there ever was one.”

Duck sets the battery package on the table, opening his arms. Cold fingers cling to the back of his shirt as Indrid hugs him. Duck does his best to soothe the ghost, rocking them subtly in a way that works wonders on his living friends. 

“Thank you” spectral eyelashes flutter against his neck as Indrid burrows against him. They say nothing else, staying in the embrace until Pinecone pads over and demands dinner.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Duck just means to drop off the books he borrowed from Joe, finds the door unlocked and figures the other man is home, probably cooking or yelling at a bigfoot hunting show.  When he doesn’t see him in the living room, he pokes his head down the hall. 

It takes a moment for his brain to process what he’s seeing. By the time it does, he’s already backing out the door. 

Okay, he just walked in on his sorta-boyfriend getting railed by a ghost, face buried against the bed, moaning while a cock he couldn’t see spread his ass open over and over again. That’s fine, that’s completely fine and not hot at all, he’s just taking his pants off in his living room for unrelated reasons. 

“Ah, Duck?” 

“Fuck!” He looks around, trying to work out where Indrid is and how much he can see.

The couch cushions shift, “I apologize, I thought you were out running errands.”

“S’okay” He pulls his hand out of his boxers, “I, uh, I was just, uh, tryin to, uh…”

The ghost waits patiently for him to come to the truth.

Duck sighs, slumps down on what he’s pretty sure is a free spot, “Walked in on Joe and Barclay.”

“I see. Does it bother you?”

“No. I, uh, kinda got the sense they were into each other, and we ain’t exclusive.”

The smile appears next to him, invisible fingers tracing up his arm “Does it do something else to you?” 

“Indrid, please I already got the weirdest fuckin boner right now.”

“And I am offering to help. I know I often joke about sharing Barclay’s taste in men but…” a light, chilly kiss on his cheek, “I share Joseph’s as well. I would very much like the chance to show you what I mean.” The fingers and lips teasing his skin cease their touches; space to refuse that Duck appreciates. 

“You know what? Fuck it” Duck works his pants the rest of the way off, throws his boxers after them, “get on your knees, sugar, and show me what you mean.”

“Ooh, I get a pet name!” Indrid claps, excited, rests his hands on Duck’s knees after he spreads them. Duck tracks his position by his smile, is unprepared for how strange it feels when it dives between his thighs. He’s used to Joe, all hot breath and enthusiastic precision. This is like the time an ex tried using an ice cube but way, way better, the chill heightening the sensations rather than numbing them. 

It’s also teasing, and he grunts, tipping his hips up, “‘Drid, please.”

“Patience, sweetheart, I haven’t done anything like this in years, I intend to take my time.”  A playful tongue drags up his dick. 

“Sugar, I’ll let you do this every day for a week, figure out how to give a ghost a fuckin hand job, anythin, but if I don’t cum soon I’m gonna combust. So get that cute little mouth where it belongs and suck my dick.”

The smile sharpens, “Make me.”

He threads his fingers into Indrid’s hair, shoving him forward. The ghost moans, tongue working across his folds in rapid swipes. Curious, he tugs on the soft strands and a messy purr vibrates up his dick.

“Someone like it rough?”

He feels the responding nod. Tightens his grip, “Then fuckin suck it like I told you too, sugar.”

Cold lips envelope his dick, Indrid moaning as he sucks. One hand rubs what his mouth can’t attend to, but the other leaves Duck’s knee right before Indrid’s whimpers grow shorter.

“That’s it, get off while I fuck your face, fuck, Joe’s really onto somethin with this paranormal shit, you’re so good sugar, fuckme that’s good. C’mon” he jerks his hips, orgasm building mercifully fast, “make me cum, like that, right fuckin there ohfuck.” He cums, feet scuffing on the rug. Indrid’s moan turns to a gasp as he pulls away, cum making a damp spot on the ground. 

Duck pets his hair, “Sure showed me.”

Indrid snickers, turns to press his face to kiss his palm.

“‘Drid? You, uh, you don’t have to, but could I see you? All of you?”

His hands cradle air as a man forms before him; lanky and bony, hair dyed silver with black roots showing, pierced ears and lip, tattoos coating the arms that stick out from a white tank-top. He bites his lip, awaiting judgement as Duck sinks off the couch to sit with him. 

“Not gonna lie, sugar, mighty peeved you kept usin my pens and didn’t even let me see this face everyday as payment.”

Indrid blinks, then laughs, loud and relieved, “I’m glad you approve; I am not everyone’s type.”

“Sure as hell are mine.” Duck puts his hand through his knee, frowns, “wish I could hold you and see you at the same time. Be that as it may, know you’re always runnin cold. You, uh, wanna join me for a little afternoon nap?”

“Of course” he fades away, and takes Ducks’ hand.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Duck’s never seen Joe this excited which, given that they went to a “Cryptids in Film” exhibit last weekend, is saying something. 

“Ready?” His boyfriend tightens the strap-on harness, sporting Duck’s favorite of his dicks. 

“You know it, darlin.”

Joe climbs onto the bed, makes a suave roll onto his back and pats his thighs, “Then come here. I want to see as much of you as possible while I fuck you.”

“You’re the boss, handsome.” He sinks down with a groan, slowly rocking his hips to get warmed up. 

Joe gropes his ass, growling, “Lord, look at this. Your ass is incredible, Duck, just like the rest of you.”

He dips down to kiss him in reply, messing up that dark hair and leaving a hickey on his collarbone. A chill runs up his spine and he shudders; two days ago, after the two ghosts and two humans hashed out who was dating who and what that meant, Joe admitted to a fantasy in which he and Duck were rudely interrupted by two horny paranormal entities. 

Duck kisses the corner of his mouth, grinds down with a whine, “c’mon Joe, know you can go harder than that.”

“The angle isn’t to my advantage.”

“Well then” purrs a voice from their right, “let’s remedy that.”

Duck’s pulled sideways, the momentum enough to reverse their positions and pop the toy loose.

“Now, pet, you are going to start fucking him again, and I’m going to fuck you to insure the pace is the perfect one for my dear Duck.”

The strap-on slides back in, Duck arching when it does. Joe’s hips snap forward, propelled by something other than the strength of his muscles. 

“AHlord, Indrid, yes. Is, is that good?” His blue eyes focus on Duck, who pulls him down into a kiss, panting as Indrid uses Joe to fuck him hard and fast. Then Joe’s head whips up and sideways, an invisible cock forcing it’s way into his mouth to muffle his moans.

“Fuck, that’s it babe, get me hard so I can fuck you when Indrid’s had his fill.”

“That may take some time. Never fear, I have other plans for my pet.” 

Joe squeaks, and Duck watches the muscles of his ass flex in new ways as black silicone appears and retreats from view over and over. From under him, Duck has a singularly good view of his lips stretching to accommodate Barclay, who’s busy demanding he look him in the eye when he takes his cock. He runs a loving hand up Joe’s chest, strokes the cheek not bulging with the head of a thick cock. 

“Fuck that’s hot.” His body agrees, but in spite of his boyfriends’ joint efforts and the obscene view making him wetter by the second, his orgasm eludes him. 

“J-joe, ‘Drid, please I, I’m real fuckin close but I need more pressure or, fuck, or friction or somethingfuck, hell fuckin yeah that’s it.” He pumps his hips, Barclay having freed Joe to bury his face in Ducks’ neck and put strip of the harness holding the toy where Duck can rub off on it. 

“That’s it, like that Joe, ‘Drid, fuckfuckfuckfuck” He gasps, eyes rolling back in his head as the orgasm shoots through him. It’s perfect, made more so by the knowledge that Indrid will let him bask in the aftershocks. 

Joe, however, is in for something very different. Duck is still getting his vision back when the harness takes an unceremonious flight off the bed. As he sits up, the plug takes the same journey, and he knows Joe will insist on cleaning it even more thoroughly than usual now that it’s been on the rug. 

His boyfriend is on his knees, lowering with incremental bursts of effort and jerks of his hips. When he stops with a moan, it looks as though his ass is hovering in mid-air. Phantom indentations press into his hips. 

“Very good pet” Indrid’s voice is turning breathy, “no, lean back so Barclay can fuck you raw while I make short work of this tight” Joe jolts up as Indrid bucks his hips, “little” another jolt, “ass” a final jolt before Joe tips backwards, opening his legs. 

Duck watches, mesmerized, as Joe is spread open, feet lifting off the blanket as more indents appear beneath his knees. The agent, usually so articulate, does nothing but moan at the invisible intrusion. 

“Fuckin-A, I’ll never get tired of this babe, you’re fucking dripping for me and it’s so fucking hot, how much of a fucking needy, dirty guy you are.”

Joe reaches one hand forward, trying to run his fingers up Barclay’s chest. The other extends towards Duck, and the ranger crawls so he can take it, kissing it as the indents of Indrid’s arms wrap around Joe’s lower belly. 

“I’d hold tight, dearest.”

“Why-”

Duck’s answer comes in the form of a yelp from Joe. To anyone else, it would look like the agent is trying and failing to wrestle the air. His back arches, making every sinful line of his body tense, while his hands claw at the bed and Duck’s arm and his legs bounce uselessly in the air. 

Duck peers around, careful not to bonk his head into Barclay. From here Joe is on full display, both holes stretching and twitching to take what they’re given. He wishes it was easier for him to get hard again; all he can think about is sitting on Joe’s face while the others fuck him like this, catch this sobbing moans in his skin while he’s reduced to nothing but a plaything for the paranormal. 

“Damn, darlin, you’re takin it like a champ. Maybe next time I’ll film it for ya, so you can see how fuckin hot you look getting fucked to pieces on some ghost dick.”

A louder sob of pleasure, and as he goes to soothe him with kisses Barclay grunts, “Don’t you fucking pull away, don’t care if you just came you’re fucking taking it all.”

“Do hurry up with him, Barclay. Ah, perfect, thank you.” With that, the forces bouncing Joe in the air come only from beneath him, Indrid pumping mercilessly into his ass and punching little “ah, aah, ahnns” out of him. He’s so blissed out that Duck can’t help himself, steadies his face in his hands so he can kiss him while Indrid cums with a high cry. 

There’s an “oof” as Indrid rolls Joe’s head into Duck’s lap. A hand turns Duck by his chin so he can get a kiss before Indrid becomes visible. Barclay appears at Joe’s feet, does his best to lay parallel to him and then disappears.

“You always did like to spoon immediately after.” Indrid says fondly, drifting to sit beside Duck. 

“Mhmmm” comes the rumbly reply.

“You okay, darlin?” Duck brushes the hair from Joe’s face as blue eyes flutter open. 

“Never better. Oh!” He sits up abruptly, Duck is more used to his boyfriend’s post-orgasm bursts of inspiration than the other two and thus doesn’t jump in surprise, “I found a potentially useful book at work the other day…”

---------------------------------------------

“So, uh, how long do we have?” Barclay brushes lint from his shirt, stepping outside the chalk pattern on the floor somewhat hesitantly. 

“As long as the candle burns. Which is why I bought one that can stay lit for at least ten hours.” He offers his hand and his fully visible, touchable boyfriend takes it. Indrid, having more trust in occult processes, practically leapt over the chalk a moment ago to kiss him and Duck. Joseph draws Barclay into his arms, “which is all to say: we have plenty of time for date night.”