#he's deranged & easily provoked | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

solsticelosthermind · 1 month ago

Text

Sol's beast vacation continues, now with a very pretty Oda on the cover no less. He's so interesting to me honestly I want to pop his skull open and poke around in there. I want to do that to literally all of them.

Loving the chapter cover frankly. All the shading done in purple, Atsushi's single gold eye taking up so much attention you almost miss how black the other one is. He is so fucking sad. Akutagawa's not a whole hell of a lot better but that white ring in his eyes is going to make me walk into a black hole

…I'm actually kind of giggling over the opening scene with akutagawa stalking right through a hail of bullets. He's never cared about bullets even when they could hit him. He is deranged and I'm realizing half the reason I'm so obsessed with bsd in general is how much I want to examine everyone form the inside out tbh. Stick my fingers in the cracks and see what's inside. I say that like that's not a thing writers do in general. But also let yosano take you apart so I can SEE lmao

Oh fuck you how dare you show me the lupin trio right now?? Akutagawa is being an absolute nightmare, his shield, his SHIELD oh, oh fuck?? Literally just clicked because I've been staring at ango looking like hes jjst been crying his eyes out. Wait fuck is ango even in this. Dazai knows he's a spy presumably. Does he get routed immediately. Does he keep ango away from oda. Why am I trying to puzzle out the lupine trio when AKUTAGAWA.

I should've stayed with sad ango akutgawa is having a whole ass flashback. Oh. Okay. Soooo. This is probably why he got the emotion speech from oda of all people. They overwhelm Akutagawa so easily anddddd. It's so easy to see why and to acknowledge that there's never been any space to work through and put down those emotions. I'm rambling. I want to hug him he is a mess how even is Akutagawa without all this boiling beneath the surface honestly

…he's an awful lot like canon Akutagawa suddenly. Or, y'know, this version of Atsushi. Tunnel vision baby indeed. And this is where I start going "okay. So. Akutagawa's gone off the rails again because he's been provoked and all but also like. Dazai. You knew he was coming. …that's a lot of people to just use as fodder." Which one of you am I annoyed with right now I don't even know

Hell of a lot of red string and crazy pointing going on between this and that Atsushi scene, where he took out the whole group so quickly and quietly.

Oh SHIT that's Kyouka.thats actually such a haunting image, her standing like that in the little splash of light.

Akutagawa you are here for your sister do not go after Atsushi's sister I yell pointlessly. Can I just continue to scream about how Kyouka's like eh top floor who cares but if I let you pass you'll get to Atsushi and that I cannot allow.

Fuck ME fine. FINE okay whatever Akutagawa needs to calm down I broke so fast actually. Do I laugh or do I cry. They're literally all doing the same fucking thing and beating the shit out of each other for it I hate it so much I am going to SHOUT

But also seriously this whole murder maze was specifically and pointedly set up by Dazai and I am so fucking ????? About it

Also also. Kyouka and Akutagawa are so fucking similar stop doing this to me I will hurl tears at you violently

He keeps Atsushi close. Of course he does. But where the fuck is Chuuya in this shitshow. I know he's not important technically and they probably put him in a hole somewhere bc he'd stop it but. Cackling. Chuuya yelled at Atsushi for getting too close and now he's AWOL for Akutgawa's tantrum.

I'm avoiding shit it's fine

Dazai keeps the fucking window shut? HE OPENED IT FOR THIS. Dazai I'm going to THROTTLE YOU the amount of what does that mean I'm doing right now is obscene

BUG EYED ATSUSHI OWNS MY SOUL but also FUCK YEAH ASK THAT BASTARD QUESTIONS FOR ONCE oh my god I'm wheezing the absolute slap in the face that is how dark Atsushi's eyes are and then huge and white and BUG. Anyway. Atsushi doing a very reserved version of rolling his eyes "you did this on purpose," thank you I needed that. I miss canon Atsushi being a shithead and calling Dazai out on his nonsense SOMEONE needs to. God it must've taken so much to lay it all out like that because atsushi is SMART and he's OBSERVANT and he out the pieces together and he's dredging up all of his courage to ask his personal boogeyman to his face is he's letting all these people get slaughtered on PURPOSE and his face says tell me I'm wrong but Dazai just gets in his face and says "so?"

And Atsushi starts shaking. I am. Weeping into my hands.

That little !! Moment where Atsushi has it confirmed they're siblings. That. Got that probably changed or set off so many wheels in his head and he can't let it show on his face.

Dazai what the fuck kind of nonsense are you spitting now. "Why try to understand a flood's true meaning?" (Except the image is fucking papers rather than water —) Okay no I'm gonna yell. This is such a twisted and bastardized version of kenji's beautiful speech from earlier. Akutagawa going on a rampage is not the natural state of things. It's not inevitable. You manufactured this! You dug the dam with your own hands and you watched it fill from a distance and then you blew it the fuck up! This is just, "everything I've done is for this moment. It's necessary."

And half of this speech is a flowery you're too stupid to understand Atsushi do your job. Dazai. Dazai? Dazai come back here and use words that make SENSE

Parroting kenji's words like this has me all fucked up. He's so close to the point and yet he took such a vicious detour somewhere, it's parallel but poisoned. There's pollution in the water, to return to the farm itself. And Dazai can't see it or doesn't care.

Can I also point out that Dazai wearing his collar popped up like canon Akutagawa does has me feeling some type of way but I literally do not even know where to begin putting that knot into words. Atsushi backs down. He's got his answer, he probably didn't even expect to get that from the way his eyes go slitted and there's a sweat drop. He has a job, and he won't disobey.

My chesssst aches.

"That's right. This is a natural phenomenon. Something no one can stop or resist. Not even me. The only thing I can offer is my love."

I just straight up burst into tears and I don't even know what the hell he is on about. The fingertips to the glass, the light he never lets in. He sounds so full of sorrow. HE SOUNDS LIKE HES CONVINCING HIMSELF.

The natural order: Atsushi and akutagawa on opposite sides? Beating the shit out of earth other? Because half a day ago we had it proven that is not true!! That is the 'product of the environment' you claim turns one into a mindless animal. Can someone please let me inside this man's skull I have so many fucking questions

Maybe I should read a whole spread before yelling

THE FACT THAT THIS WORLD IS ONE HUGE LIE.

LUPIN BAR. O D A.

I'm gonna hyperventilate maybe. Dazai??? Dazai you are SO fucked babe you have invented new disorders please let me examine you like a big

I understand yosano so much right now. I miss her. Bring her back.

Kyouka is breaking my heart and wigging akutagawa out a little I think. Very funny that she's uncanny valley as hell at him of all people.

The one who came to kill me after I fled, he was much stronger. Is this atsushi. She only ever talks about atsushi. If this turns into she's herding him right back into Atsushi i'm going to die laughing actually

Overconfidence kills, akutagawa my dear. Oh look, it's the echo of trying to keep Atsushi away in canon except it's Kyouka he let too close this time. Tunnel vision. One goal above all, at the cost of himself, again and again. Something about teaming up with Atsushi in canon seems to help break him of that a little if only because he has to keep track of so many things at once

But also a little amusing that he's "shit she's too close" baby you ripped out a guys throat with your teeth. Atsushi only landed a hit because you got too close. You're always too close. Definitely not a metaphor for how hard it is for your to separate yourself from you emotions. Please discover armor in the next two seconds.

He did not discover armor. He DID listen to Oda though!!!! He's physically weak! Which he IS. Because of the whole. Starving orphan thing. Got he's literally two toothpicks on top of each other.

Only to immediately get punched into orbit by Sudden Tiger Arm. WHEEZING. Bsd is a comedy indeed. His FACE. The fucking—Atsushi's fist is the size of his chest. I can't handle this. KYOUKA DID YOU LITERALLY HERD HIM INTO ATSUSHI ja LSKDJG;sgh

I've had to admit I'm no longer rooting for akutagawa purely because this is kyouka and atsushi—I've given up entirely if they're going to keep fighting can they at least be fucking goofy about it pleASE don't make me cry. Make them have a tea party or something. Kyouka's literally motivated by atsushi and only atsushi, who is motivated ONLY by the need to not fail dazai, who is literally {?!?!?} in my head AND AKUTAGAWA IS TRYING TO MAKE SURE GIN'S OKAY i hate this so much what the fUCK

…but every time i pop in I see akutagawa getting punched so hard he's drooling and I can't breathe actually this is a rollercoaster and I am being thrown out of my seat every two seconds

I WONT LET YOU HURT HER. Fuck OFF asagiri!!! Did you HAVE TO. Did you. Atsushi's turn to protect his sister figure. Or whatever the hell kyouka is to him. Y'know. Exactly like akutagawa's trying to do. I'm throwing up my hands. Everyone's stupid. This is stupid I am also stupid I'm blaming dazai until the narrative EXPLAINS WHY I CANT but also fuuuuuuck

Sidenote: atsushi hit him so hard akutagawa developed a fucking halo to match the wings they keep putting behind him.

"I wont let you hurt her," im going to scream. Oh hey look akutagawa's coughing suddenly despite not even having done that in the slum panels. Inch. Resting.

EXTREMELY funny exchange you're all obnoxious. "You used your skill for SELF DEFENSE," which is the thing dazai's supposedly been trying to get canon aku to do this whole time and he's getting called a Beast for it here because that's not something you learn through training. Which. ??? Yes??? It is??? That's how training works?? You learn a skill and then integrate it into your reflexes?? Atsushi did no one teach you any kind of defense at all. Are you literally only every trained to be offensive and just take the hit cause you'll heal. What the fuck

Never going to get over how this Akutagawa has developed such a wide array of skills actually and he's shit on for it while canon akutagawa's skills are seemingly all mafia related and he's… still shit on for it

Kyouka apologizing. For not being strong enough. And making atsushi have to fight and be in danger and potentially die against the strongest person they've ever come up against. ExCUSE me i have to go do literally anything else for a minute actually

But also. How is akutagawa the strongest one they've faced if. Again. Dazai's pissed the whole world off so much they're sending teams after him EVERY DAY. How many more people are dead in this AU than are dead in canon. So fucking many. SO fucking many.

Atsushi's eyes are rounder for Kyouka, like he's trying to be the same version of himself he was for those few minutes in the cafe for her, but his eyes never get light enough. I'm ignoring that.

"I looked into you both before coming here" BITCH WHEN. LITERALLY FUCKING WHEN. YOU! IMMEDIATELY! LOST YOUR SHIT! And were mean to Tanizaki about it. W H E N did you learn ANYTHING about them. Did Tanizaki follow your ridiculous ass. Oh my god please tell me he did, even if it was just to shove information you needed into your thick head.

Never ever ever going to stop making fun of people for going ooooh the 35 killer. Akutagawa you left that many people on the front steps. You're probably four digits deep. Shhhh, dragon boy. You sound so silly right now.

Atsushi hurts him so fucking easily. Akutagawa's a gaping wound to begin with but fuck, only Atsushi ever seems to lance him straight through so easily. It's. Fascinating. I need a new word I've used fascinating too many times if I'm thinking of synonyms.

He talks about gin like he thinks she's so much better than he's ever been. Fucking ouch. The way he reacts to the IDEA of gin having ever had to get her hands dirty. Also ouch. Atsushi's little face. I can't decide if that's resigned or determined. Or both. Likkeeee. He GETS it. He does. But he can't do anything other than what he's doing. And he would be doing exactly this if it was reversed and he was trying to 'save' kyouka. So like. Shut it down, put it aside, follow orders. That's all there is.

Akutagawaaaaaa. My HEART. But also you know dazai took her, not atsushi. Don't transfer that just 'cause Atsushi told you you're not worthy of your sister.

Which. Is gonna drive me insane.

Spliqi that line about 'everyone's doing it for love and everyone's the worst version of themselves' is all I can think about now so thanks for being the depressing ghost in my head today <3

THE HANDS THE HANDS THE HAAAANDS REACHING FOR HIM

Why does rashomon's head look like a wolf from this pov.

'You're alone, that's why you'll lose,' um. Sigh. Okay. I suppose they had to echo that somehow but also like. A) no. That's. Not actually how fights work although having allies certainly helps he's already proven he can handle demon snow just fine and like b) h a n d s

SCREAMING TANIZAKI DID GO WITH HIM TANIZAKIIIIII JUNICHIRO I FUCKING LOVE YOU HELL YES he is NOT ALONE FUCK YOU

How did atsushi not know this. Have i ascribed too hard to Tiger Senses being a thing. LISTEN IF HES GOT THE TIGER CLOSE AT ALL TIMES IM JUST SAYING HESHOULD GET SUPERHUMAN SENSES AS A TREAT. For me.

Im fucking dying Akutagawa's FACE baby you didn't even know he was there did you. Oh my god. Has he been out-feral'd by Tanizaki. I take back everything i love it here. He cuts a hole in the floor. They have one braincell between them. I LOVE them. Never ever let them out together oda Tanizaki how the fuck did you snatch that phone out of her hand without her noticing you are legit the scariest person in this manga

I am. Very much liking. This panel with akutagawa slicing through the floor while also fending off Atsushi's blow. He's crouched down, hair blowing back, and the close-ups we get are ATSUSHI. With tiger eyes and grit teeth. And the black cloth meeting white fist. Ying-yang, equal opposites, neither's got the upper hand. I dunno it's neat

Artist keeps drawing tiny dying faces like 😮and I've decided it was a stress relief for how haunted and broken sskk are because I crack up every time i find one

I saw the wonder duo running and just said 'nyoom' out loud with my face so there's no coming back from that

HE is STILL COUGHING Christ atsushi's the reason he gets fucked lungs in this verse. Yosanooooo my beautiful terrifying love can you stab him a little about it

THEY FUCKING SNATCHED KYOUKA??? HOW THE FUCK

Oh shit what did they do the kyouka. Ha. Oh. Okay. Nevermind. That was akutagawa. Of course it was akutagawa. Boy i am trying to be on your side will you work with me here. HE DID NOT KNOW TANIZAKI WAS THERE oh my god Tanizaki was just what following him around?? Walked through ankle deep blood and gore im dying this is the friendship of all time and akutagawa's like WHY are you HERE are you making fun of me!! This is not an ADA thing! Why is he wording this like he knows he's in the wrong for choosing to go when five seconds before he was like FUCK YOU what if they hurt her!! Why are you talking like you're NOT part of the ada they've been hazing you to KEEP You Stupid

Sidetracked but i just caught the sheep style skull overlaid with akutagawa's eyes and the PM towers and now i have to scream. Holy shit. Holy SHIT. That's so good.

Why is this the character with the most lovingly done lashes im dying

Im sorry the way akutagwa's entire face wrinkles when he says "certain death," what even is happening in that head right now but also WHAT

ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE WAS ACTUALLY A LETTER ON THE BACK OF GINS PICTURE. ARE YOU FOR REAL. He didnt even GET THAT FAR oh my god im SHRIEKING. Dazai was NOT about to risk this boy not showing up on schedule. HE WROTE HE WAS GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER??? And then? Threw? All of these people in his way? THIS IS EVEN MORE BAFFLING THAN I THOUGHT WHAT

I am going to BITE DAZAI. I might need a step stool. But I'll get there. This is killing me he's too smart for this kind of waste what is HAPPENING

Something something atsushi becoming death despite fearing it and something something akutagawa giving no fucks because he thinks he deserves to die and holds no value for his own life but there's nothing more valuable to him than GIN's life, just like kyouka with atsushi—

'I'm here because i am with the agency,' says the agency's most insane member, very clearly also the only one who followed the other insane member. Having hysterics

Oh no I've been proven wrong right off the bat, the not insane members are just doing this the Not Insane Way.. cackling. Okay. So. Tanizaki just ducked in after him at some point. They have an HOUR? An hour. Dazai what the fuck are you UP to. Does gin know anything about this. Im screaming. Tanizaki's all okay but this doesnt make sense and akutagawa's like, 'he's a dick, it's a trap,' and like NO SHIT

Atsushi. Sweet baby atsushi. I've missed your sass so much. But also. Honey. "You do realize you're being pursued," im wheezing i dont think he cares

YOU CANT HIDE YOUR SCENT Kay then tell me how HE GOT SO CLOSE TO KYOUKA WITHOUT YOU KNOWING

I have found a new favorite panel and it's akutagawa being a mocking little fuck and going, "the weakness of a carnivore is not expecting to be hunted," he's deranged and gorgeous and cocky and i need to shake him. Wait how the fuck am i only on page 56. I'm going to die

OH MY GOD THAT IS SO FUCKING CLEVER ACTUALLY BIG BRAIN AKUTAGAWA WITH DEMON SNOW HOLY SHIT that is NOT how i thought the holding kyouka hostage scene went beast fic LIED to me this is!!! So good!! Actually!! This is insane!! Atsushi's turn to be too emotional to think, and to do things he shouldn't to protect his sister. Ha ha haaaaa i am NOT WELL not they're all between a rock and a hard place and like, i don't even know, a fucking asteroid EVERYONE is having a bad time this is great

Atsushi's so PANICKED. Akutagawa ties his hands so neatly with that order. This is SUCH a fucked acknowledgement of the self through the other moment

"Like you mafiosi always do," i can't even argue but im gonna because literally your experience is dazai and atsushi and dazai TOOK the girl and atsushi is FREAKING OUT over the girl so likeeee

Oh FUCK did this trigger the tiger. Is atsushi having an actual mental break trying to reconcile orders vs conditioning. TANIZAKI is worried that's like—the canary in the coal mine is dead guys. Atsushi's eyes on the next page are WEIRD

Phase four. And the chapter image being a tiny akutagawa puddle. Ohhhh fuck. That one panel of the two of them walking together is going to make me feral. Their eyes? Atsushi's bags are so much darker than akutagawa's. But the eyes are back to bright gold and slitted. They're so pretty and so very visibly not well. Is atsushi taller in this au or is this perspective and I'm over examining things. Option b, probably. But like. I've been staring at this image for like five minutes send help

Atsushi giving the skull-face wordlessly to make people put the guns down. My hearttttt. Why did Tanizaki just pop up bro what. ATSUSHI'S LITTLE HUMAN FIST that hes trying so hard to hide. Why is fukuzawa blacked out in this group photo thing. OH M GOD WILD CHILD TANIZAKIIS TELLING YOU YOURE ONE OF THEM AND MAYBE DONT GO OFF THE DEEP END?!? Wheezing!!! You're one of us!! Have faith!! Be good!!! Akutagawa's tiny face says he does not believe you but he wants to!!!! Screaming!! Everybody's doing horrible things all the time!!

Akutagawa. You. Are an idiot. Really? You're using your leverage for BACKSTORY on the TIGER? You fucking weirdo simp??

I can't tell if it's making this worse or better that I keep having responsibilities pull me away this is taking so much longer than the other two volumes and i am FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

Did dazai go find atsushi the same night he picked up gin. Did he go for a walk from mori's pov and come back with two fucking wacked out and bleeding 12 years olds and be like tee hee im taking over actually peace out. Why did this orphanage throw him out when the canon one didn't. Squinting suspiciously at all the things

'Hard to imagine you in the mafia,' literally though. He was nice to you for five minutes and then all he's done is kill people. So like. Cute. But also Akutagawa being like FUCK the mafia!! Deeply funny to me considering canon. How much of canon akutagawa hates himself for being in the mafia in the first place and how much just hates him for being himself. These panels are so alkdsfja;sl atsushi's in the light and pretty as hell and akutagawa looks like a fucking bat and his eyes are black. CHOICES were made here

'For they were the ones who killed my—' cuts off with an image of gin. Huh.that huuuurts. He's trying to rein it in. He's TRYING. Holy wow okay and atsushi?? Catches that?? I guess?? And shreds it?? YOU CANT SAVE HER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A HERO YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS ME

I think my brain just snapped in half

HE GRABS HIM BY THE FUCKING THROAT okay. Okay so. How does he not slice himself open on the BIG FUCKNIG SPIKES first off— secondly his little 'a man who takes as girl hostage and thinks only of himself and has an appetite for destruction' is evil. I'm holding up a picture of beast dazai. They're the same picture. Except none of them are because theyre all doing this FOR someone else and the destruction is like, collateral no one cares about apparently. But hey atsushi knows how to make akutagawa suicidal in ever universe in like ten words or less.

You've never said take me to my sister. Okay. Fair point. I will not contest that one. But uh. If you put the enemy in the ground they usually stay there and don't come back. So. Maybe im splitting hairs but it's one of those things where dealing with the problem seems the quicker solution. This is why I laugh every time i run into a narrative that's like oooh you can't kill you'll be as bad as the bad guy!!! No. Kill it dead and then it's done. And not that atsushi knows about the false execution notice but it would be safe to assume the guy threatening your sister is keeping her with him. None of which matters because atsushi's just trying to hurt him here and doing a very good job of it honestly

Smash cut to cheerful hi odasaku!! I need everyone to know that auto corrected to Oda's Aku and yknow what? It's right. Anyway. TINY ATSUSHI

The empty place in dazai's speech where he's suppressing something. Curious. The FIGHT. Oh that took a second I thought it was still the flashback but no those are rashomon tendrils and atsushi's half shifted. There's going to be no mafia left alive in an hour.

This tiger shift is INSANE. The panel with Aku running and "you must never go to___, Atushi's-kun" is also insane I've been staring forever. Aku's EYES. Turned the page and now its aku's turn to be the 😮face. lot less funny this time. WHAT is happening here they've both gone off the rails

And akutagawa shuts him down with "what you feel is guilt." Okay. That's. Bonkers. Wild. Unhinged all around they share one brain and they're using it to eviscerate each other.

What do you mean he took a bunch of underlings and stormed the fucking orphanage. I thought he just like went himself. He!!! Invaded!!! Like an enemy organization?! AS A TIGER. Atsushi i know you hate the director and his cronies but there are KIDS there aslkdjarug oh my god is this how oda has fifty billion kids IS THIS WHY ODA HAS FIFTY BILLION KIDS no shut up thats fic nonsense anyway

Every time i see the tiger i squeal. Why is he so pretty like that i want to pet the murder kitty

The orphanage is a horror house what in the HELL. Wait. Wait. GARBAGE BAG. Are you. Oh. Im going to be ill. G A R B A G E BA G okay. So. That is on me for not reading the manga I guess I FULLY thought that was fandom collective. It's. Fucking canon. I am. Not well. NUMBER 78????? HOW DID HE KNOW YOU WERE GOING dont ask stupid questions. It's probably Dazai. It's always dazai. But also. Did. Does. Okay. Does this mean Atsushi names himself. Presumably after the book he read. Because if he's #78 then he didnt fucking have a name.

The orphanage is not a horror house it needs a new and stronger word than horror what in the seven hells is going on. Atsushi is locked in and the director looks like he's going to perform human sacrifice. He beats a kid half to death and throws them out to starve for buying a watch and then tells atsushi he was obedient i need to walk into the ocean he fully freaked out and tore the director apart and uh. Well i feel as bad about that as I did akutagawa cutting up the guys who killed his friends. Which is not at all. But this felt so much worse. Atsushi's 'violence as a reaction to his environment' is a lot more mindless than akutagawa's. This was a fear response. Akutagawa's fears are different. This was deeply unsettling tbh this really highlights how broken atsushi is—he went to try and reclaim himself and walked right into a trap he still hasn't seen and lost what little of himself he might've kept otherwise. He tried to save himself and failed.

Meanwhile akutagawa's whole thing seems to be he's never really had a self to keep because his purpose was all that mattered and losing that and losing gin turned his purpose into getting gin back and like, spite, apparently. There's no real Self in any of that.

…akutagawa teaching atsushi not to fear death / atsushi teaching akutagawa how to live.

The watch, holy hell. Blood soaked atsushi looking so lost and ruined and unsettled, staring right out at the reader and then beside him an akutagawa that looks like he might also be caked in blood but looking UP and rather peaceful.

their broken pieces are so complementary. If i get to v4 tomorrow and dazai’s like I shattered you in such a way to help you slot together better Im going to find him and Im going to turn him into a stew.

Im going to be turning that over in my head for ages. I forget people might actually read this whoops

#sol reads beast #bsd beast #beast v3 #beast spoilers #shorter this time bc i got maybe a little to into it and had to walk it off a few times lmao took the ranting Live instead

8 notes · View notes

stormblessed95 · 1 year ago

Note

If you're writing think pieces to prove other people that the two frnds that enlisted together and probably will be together for 18 whole(for 24/7) months that's like 547 days despite having many other options to go solo are not close then you're not looking anything other than insecure. If you think two people who are supposed to be boyfriends chose not to go together for 18 months in such a hard of their lives to rely on e/o because "gay men are not allowed" even tho no one knows you're gay then you're stupid. If you think two frnds were in a different country spending their time together and filming stuff for the show are forced to do it and has nothing to do with their own will then you're brainless. If you think two people who went through months process of enlisting together has never ever interacted with e/o off cam then you're friendless. If you think two members of a band who has known e/o for a decade don't have e/o's Phone numbers then you're dumb. If you think a man of age 26 who does what HE WANTS and don't let anyone tell him otherwise, who can shut up people easily when they try to speak against him is being forced and worked till exausting then you're deranged. If you think two men who are e/o's comfort and are attached to the hips for a decade are still pretending are doing fanservice then you're imbecile. And lastly if you think two people who didn't enlist together even tho they can just beacuse of some company but are still dating or are in any romantic relationship cause one of them is enlisting together with his friend but not the two supposed boyfriends then you're DeLuSiOnAl.

P.S. of course the "you" is not for U stormy (i know u get it but just wanna make it clear) but this is provoked by some people's ability to talk on bond of two people who are together right now on twitter and on blogs.

I always enjoy a little bit of delulu! It can be fun! Lmao but soooooo many shippers suck the fun out of it. Like just ruin the delulu for all of us, thanks

#jikook antis

28 notes · View notes

lightlycareless · 2 years ago

Text

First, it hurts— Chapter XXXVII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: mentions and… details of smut. It’s like a paragraph. Mentions of physical and emotional abuse, a bit of fluff… and angst. And there it is! 😊

A/N: None, except, have fun!

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 38

Ao3 link.

“I thought we had an agreement.”

It was almost comical the way you were intercepted, just seconds short of you serving yourself a glass of water in the kitchen. One intended to help you, well… process Naoya’s demonstration of vulnerability and all that in between.

A procedure, that of course, wasn’t meant to happen just yet given the way you were forced to give an explanation just before you could come to terms with the other.

Taking one last gulp, your trembling hands put down the glass of water onto the nearest counter—the way you were able to do so without dropping it alludes you, as well how your aghast demeanor appears to remain undetected by Matsuo’s radar—before glancing up to him and his deep, accusing eyes, exuding nothing but disappointment, if not frustration, towards your supposed breach.

“We did”

“Then why did you abandon master Naoya?”

“Well, I—”

“And this better be a good excuse” he interjects “To run across the estate like a deranged woman… unbelievable! ”

Oh, how easy it was for him to fall back into his usual demeanor.

Now that you’ve agreed to his requests, Matsuo got the impression that he’d secured your willingness, allowing him to order you around however he desired, instead of seeing it as something delicate that you might withdraw if provoked.

But of course, that’s not something anyone considers from Naoya’s side of the family, less towards you.

…

Maybe.

Or perhaps his frustration stemmed from being genuinely worried for Naoya—his condition was critical after all, unheard of the always thriving heir, worsening when he continuously refused to take his medication without your intervention. It would drive anyone paranoiac.

…

No. That couldn’t be.

You’d heard how others referred to Naoya once he fell off the graces of his family, Matsuo included according to Mariya, leading you to correctly presume that his antagonism began from his desire to belittle you.

Not that it mattered anyways, because at this moment all you could think of is how do you begin to explain your behavior?

A lie should be sufficient, you think, but it must be convincing enough to stop him from seeking further explanation. Something like “I suddenly remembered I left something on the stove” or so…

But he’d be able to call out your bluff, considering that there were people there beforehand, presumably working on Naoya’s meal—they could easily dismiss your testimony if Matsuo wished so.

Shall you tell the truth, then? That the reason you ran away was because of your fear of emotional confrontation?

You’d only get laughed at.

That you were afraid of seeing Naoya cry?

You’d get laughed at and called crazy. Naoya’s cruel reputation precedes him.

Perhaps you should’ve anticipated a witness to your abrupt exit, or that he’d remain around to see you actually comply with his request—”just in case”— and prepared better.

Your judgment, however, would become clouded the very moment you saw Naoya act like… that, for the first time in your life.

His tears continued to unsettle you, lingering in the back of your eyes, as they slowly overruled the seemingly unbudging image of the cruel, cold man who could only care for himself, you always knew him to be.

Out of the two scenarios, Matsuo is most likely to believe the first one thanks to your previous statement. Hell, if you even dared speak against Naoya’s well known reputation, his staff might think you’re trying to “cover yourself up!” and “how dare a wife defame her husband with such ludicrous statements!”—As if they hadn’t done the same to you since the moment you arrived…

Guess you’ll have to lie your way out of this one. It’s not something that makes you proud, but, well, wasn’t there a saying that couples often adopted mannerisms from the other…?

“I suddenly got thirsty.” you begin, working through the knot in your throat to appear as confident as possible. “I hadn’t been able to get anything beforehand, so while Naoya-sama was busy taking his medicine, I decided to come here.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

Yes. But you won’t say that out loud. Where is he going with this anyways?!

“Excuse me?”

“I heard you speaking to him—about his mother. And your peculiar insult” A shiver travels across your spine when considering the implications.

His frown deepens, and the taboo surrounding Tomoko, as well as the gravity of your words, inundated you with deep uneasiness, albeit followed by an angering sense of intrusion.

“I don’t care what your purpose was with that conversation, but I do care about imposing the proper sanctions if you dare try anything funny. ”

It was only a matter of time before his own staff felt deserving enough of punishing you as well. Although that no longer scares you, because what else could they do to make you suffer? You’ve already lost enough.

“I don’t know what you—”

“Thread carefully, Y/N.” He threatens “You’re not the first one who attempts to do something like this. The moment I get the idea you’re taking advantage of my master, I won’t hesitate to act”

You press your lips, doing your best to hold back a frown; his words nothing but barks… until they’re not.

“Or your ladies” your eyes widen, and the aura surrounding Matsuo grows arrogant—he’s got you right where he wants. “I know they’ve been cut off from the rest of the staff, and that Meiko has been kind enough to not touch their salaries, but rest assured, if you do something—”

“It won’t be necessary.” you interrupt, rushing to defend your ladies. Contrary to you, they still had lots to lose, and you’d be damned to let your actions affect them once again. “I was just curious… and emotional . It won’t happen again.”

“Curious…” he scoffs, credulity etched in his words. “Of course you were.”

You look down to the floor, the best—and only— thing you could do to keep your emotions at bay. Having proven your initial suspicions of him, this only made you angrier. Enraged for how incompetent you were against it all.

“Naoya-sama’s food is going to be served in a bit. I expect you to continue on with your duties .”

You raise your eyes to him, giving him a quick nod of acknowledgement.

“I’ll be there”

He doesn’t respond outside of a huff, not even returning your nod, before seeing his way out of the kitchen and back to god knows where, leaving you alone with the rest of the cooks.

Even in their presence, you can’t help but sigh loudly, releasing your pent up frustration from both Naoya’s and Matsuo’s actions. More with the latter as of right now, given the repeated obstacle against your upper hand.

Is this the so-called opportunity you wanted to take advantage of? The one you used to virtually sway Mariya away from radically intervening? What a joke!

There’s no doubt in your mind now that he’ll stick around just to oversee you—realizing how lucky you were that he hadn’t burst through Naoya’s door the very moment he heard you crudely dismiss him under the guise of your mother’s supposed hatred for him. It made you wonder what would’ve happened if he’d seen his master like that ; would he still call you crazy?

But most importantly…

Did your words really affect Naoya that much… to the point of making him cry?

You don’t think so, or more likely don’t want to believe so, but the tears in his eyes were very real, that much you could confirm.

You don’t like this, you don’t like this at all, not one bit. You don’t like being shown this new side of Naoya. The one that makes him vulnerable, the one that sees him suffer.

The one that makes him human .

He doesn’t deserve that kindness, he doesn’t deserve your empathy nor consideration after all you suffered, and yet… your heart can’t stop itself from feeling compassionate .

Given the Zen’in’s twisted ideals, alongside Naoaki’s backstory, it was no surprise that their upbringing was heavily absent from their mother—probably tarnishing her in the way too, because why not?

Yet, not even in a million years , could you have expected that even with all the hatred they held towards women, Naoya would still be capable enough to care for his mother, long for her presence… but would be refused these things.

Not even with his title of heir, would Tomoko find it in her to accept him. Rejecting him profoundly,

Their relationship was so fractured, he didn’t even know her.

You’ve been a part of the Zen’in clan for a while now, and yet, their ways are still a complete mystery to you.

It only makes you feel loneliness, and your desire to go home grows exponentially. But given your circumstances, you know this will only hinder your new responsibilities, thus you do your best to push it as deep as possible into the back of your mind and focus on Naoya… and this new side of him.

The one that will continue to haunt you as your trial begins.

The first day encapsulates your unwanted conversation with Naoya, and his meal.

While you were not to feed him per se, although you ended up doing so in the end because let’s be realistic: Matsuo thinking anyone else would be able to do this task after seeing how “stubborn” Naoya acted, is foolish.

In fact, you didn’t even wait to be instructed, instead going straight towards the poor maid holding your husband’s food as soon as she entered the room and relieve her—by the way Naoya’s eyes twinkled when he saw you back in his presence, alongside your intentions, made it too obvious that this is what he wanted anyways.

And his pleased demeanor seconded that though, although it was more eerie than anything, for it was just a few moments ago that he was crying, frantically questioning your feelings for his gifts, his brother, or if you remembered your mother…

His current behavior must be a side effect of the medicine and his sickness, that’s what you tried to reassure yourself with in order to keep working, because if there’s one trait you vividly remember of him, is his ability to torment you with things you had seemingly done, even the ones you don’t remember—like the cake situation back at the candy store.

So yeah, it’s either that, or…

Either way, Naoya was out of his goddamn mind, and unfortunately for you, you have front row tickets for it.

“I like miso soup—it’s my favorite.” he would begin halfway through his meal, a gentle yet excited look on his face, comparable to an innocent child, as he receives another spoonful from you. “Do you like it?”

Yep, definitely out of his mind.

“I do.” you respond, the heavy gaze on your back forcing you to speak as kindly as possible. Had it been up to you, you wouldn’t have responded at all. “I’m not picky, so I tend to eat whatever is available.”

“I see.” Naoya pauses, admiring how you grab another serving of soup, gently waving some of the heat away, before offering it to him. He leans to you, carefully taking in the spoon with his mouth and drinking everything in one swift movement, ending with a smile.

It’s almost endearing the way he seems to enjoy his meal through you, with his face beaming whenever he looks at you, starting up conversations between the two.

By his demeanor, an outsider would’ve never judged he’d actually abused you in the past— Or that the great Naoya Zen’in enjoyed the simple things in life.

“What’s your favorite food?” he resumes, you look back down to the bowl, preparing another serving.

“Whatever is on the table”

Naoya frowns, clearly dissatisfied by your answer. His reaction makes you feel a bit uneasy, quickly feeling that this was not up to Matsuo’s standards and would now proceed to take it out on your staff… until your husband speaks again..

“Surely, there must be something you like the most.” he eggs on, a sly smirk on his face.

“I try not to.”

“Come on, princess . Tell me” he insists, and you inwardly cringe when hearing that nickname — in front of his staff , of all people!! You don’t see Matsuo react, nor want to, but you suppose he has a look of confusion on his face, and you know for sure that he noticed the tension settling on your shoulders.

At least you have the reassurance this is something neither will bring up in the future.

“If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

A heartwarming memory from your past makes for an easy answer, but your unwillingness to indulge in it with him makes you hesitate.

Yet, there isn’t much you could say or do against this cornered situation, you either budge to him or Matsuo…

Nor could you deny that you felt somewhat… seen by his sudden interest in your persona . Not himself, or anything that related to him—just you , for the first time in this marriage.

A gentleness that eventually convinces you to respond.

“Pancakes” you reveal. “They’re… somewhat easy to do, and tasty. I used to prepare them a lot when I was in school.”

“You cook?” he asks, eyes wide, as if he were surprised by the revelation; serves to show that even when husband and wife, neither knows each other. “Did you do this?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t cook that much, either way—just bits and pieces here and there”

“Oh—I really thought you did. I just assumed that everything that taste and looks good comes from you”

A compliment that goes right over your head, mainly because of how embarrassing it was .

“It didn’t” you say, taking another spoonful of soup.

“I’ve never tried pancakes before.” he admits, leaning closer to you. He would’ve gotten the chance, if Junko hadn’t decided otherwise. The vision of her throwing away your efforts continues to haunt you to this day. “Nor I think I can, but still”

“It’s just bread.” you explain. “There’s nothing special to it.”

“I would still like to try them, you know?” he pouts, and somehow, you don’t know what it is, you’re prompted to look up to him. His fixed eyes and closeness make you jolt, but his soft facade makes you speechless. “How about it? Think you could prepare some for me?”

Whether you go quiet because you were intimidated by his presence, his staff, or because you’re still trying to come to terms with his new demeanor… it’s still unknown.

All that you know, however, is that you don’t feel threatened by him at this moment, away from the usual fright that always makes you wonder how he’s going to attack you, how you’re going to escape, and instead, you’re surrounded by a sense of normalcy, one of… domesticity, per se.

Behaving like you were his wife, dutifully tending to his sickness while worrying if you’re doing your best to nurse him, and he… your husband, cherishing the woman he still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have her there, by his side, and admiring all of her efforts.

“Maybe one day I’ll make you some.” it’s what comes out of your lips after prolonged silence. He smiles.

“I’d like that.” And Naoya takes your promise at heart.

It’s probably one you won’t keep after all this is over, realistically speaking, but at that moment no one, not even you, seemed to care about that. If anything, all your mind could think of is if Junko will allow you to serve him that, and if Naoya would like them.

That night goes on rather uneventfully, if you don’t consider being bombarded by your ladies’ worries, and their preemptive measures so whatever sickness plagued Naoya didn’t extend to you.

“Wait—really, I’m fine!!” you’d cry for the nth time that night, tugging and writhing against their hold as they attempted to force whatever nasty concoction they prepared to supposedly strengthen your immune system down your throat.

One sniff and you already knew the taste would be foul . It was so pungent, you believe it to have been made with things that weren’t supposed to be eaten at all!

“That’s what they all say the first day, and then, BAM! Fever in the morning” Haruko attempts to justify her behavior whilst holding you down by the shoulders.

“That’s not—that’s not how it works!!”

“It’s true, a cousin’s friend got sick just like that.” Hitomi nodded. Of course, everybody always has a friend of a friend to support their claims!

“That’s all too bad, but I’m not drinking that!”

“Then you leave me no choice.” Mariya sighs, looking over to the sisters giving them a quick nod. An action that combined with her tone, makes you tense up at the spot.

“Wait—What are you—No, Mariya , no, Mariya, nonoNO!—” all in one swift movement, Haruko pulls your head back, Mariya pinches your nose, ending with Hitomi pressing the cup against your lips and serving you a rightful dosage of that nasty drink only God knows what it is made of.

You instinctively swallow it, quickly and in one big gulp to avoid its taste settling in your tongue, although you end up gagging when sampling its texture, which you unaccounted for until it finally traveled down your throat.

“Oh, god, it’s— bleugrghhh ” you choked, twisting your mouth and shaking your head in efforts to get rid of the aftertaste. “What the—what the fuck was that ?!”

Having prepared your reaction, Hitomi offers you a glass of water, which you don’t hesitate to take and force down your throat with yet another big gulp. The intensity of your actions makes you feel like a fish of sorts, eager to take a hold of any liquid you could find and devour it, but the shame of it doesn’t hold a candle against your necessity, and by the third glass, the taste begins to dissipate.

Whatever remains is something you should be able to wash off by brushing your teeth… or eating something sweet, just as the mochi Haruko presents to you.

“Gotta fight the bad with the good!” she says, a wide grin on her face as she moves the plate closer to you.

“Where’d you get these?” you ask, taking the offering. While you still reeled from your awful experience, it didn’t stop your mouth from watering.

“I made them!” she proudly declares “It’s my first time trying them out, so I’m not sure if they’re going to be of your liking…”

“Oh, Haruko! How could you even say that?!” you gasp “I love your food, and for you to have made homemade mochi…. I feel… very undeserving of these!”

“Don’t be” Hitomi chimes in “Haruko will eat them if you don’t—if she hasn’t already….”

“Hey!” she cries, gently hitting her arm. Everyone else laughs.

“Well, there’s one thing for sure, these are not going to waste—how about we share them?”

“Ah, I’m fine.” Mariya says, shaking her head. “I’m still pretty full from dinner.”

“Yeah right, Mrs. shaved ice” you tease with a giggle, easing your revenge as Mariya’s left eye twitches, Hitomi looks at the two perplexedly…

“Huh?” Haruko blinks, looking at you, then Mariya, and finally Hitomi, feeling left out of this inside joke. “What does that mean? Do you like shaved ice, Mariya?”

The night continues with you and your ladies chatting a bit more, complaining how Matsuo oversaw your interactions with him, as if he truly cared for him! And Naoya’s unusual behavior.

“How infuriating” Hitomi would say “Acting like nothing happened…”

“I commend you for your patience. I would’ve thrown the soup over his head!” Haruko says, and you don’t deny that at least in the beginning, that’s what you wanted to do. “No matter the cute pet name he used on you!”

“But that’s not all to it… is there, Y/N?” Mariya, always the bullseye, guesses.

“No” you say “He was so… different, another person entirely. It makes it hard to believe he’s the one that made my life a living hell. Made me doubt for a bit too… consider what would’ve happened if only we…”

“He still is, he’s just affected by his sickness” Hitomi quickly reminds you “Do not lower your guard. If he gets the chance to hurt you again, he will take it .”

And you guess her to be right, after all, just because he spoke to you softly, as if he genuinely cared for you, doesn’t mean all of his past actions are forgotten.

It’ll take a whole lot more for you to leave all that in the past—more than just a few discs, sweets, and the realization that the two might have more in common than you think.

After hearing their reassurances, the reminders to be careful around him, they leave you to rest—Sleep comes to you not so long after, and the first day of your trial ends.

The second day begins just as routinary: with you waking up early, eventually joined by your staff, a brief appearance from Junko, and the responsibility of taking care of your husband… accompanied by a small surprise.

“ Dress him ?” you ask Matsuo, who wasted no time to appear by your door as soon as he heard you were ready for the day. “I thought I was only to give him his medicine”

“And that’s what we agreed on, didn’t we?” Mariya steps in, sharply eyeing the man.

That was one of the many things you hoped would be at least off limits during this… circumstance .

But once again, what you want, isn’t necessarily what you’re going to get.

“I never said that”

Thankfully, Mariya’s determination and fearlessness was much bigger than yours, which meant she was not to step down so easily.

“Lady Y/N can’t focus all of her attention on him, there are other responsibilities she has to tend to as Lady of the House ”

“Of course she does” he responds dismissively—seriously, where did he get the audacity from? “But she’s his wife before anything else. Besides, this is something she’s supposed to do anyways, if she wasn’t sleeping in another bedroom.”

«Now she’s his wife» Mariya curses internally. «Convenient.»

“Has Junko-san been consulted about this?”

“Junko-san? What is that woman needed for? Isn’t Y/N capable of dressing Naoya-sama by herself? Didn’t know she had a third child.”

Mariya’s triumph card, set down on the table and immediately discarded.

It’s been a while since Junko required you for anything since she already went through most essentials by that point (limiting your access in the estate sure made it easy for her). Either way, Mariya still hoped her name held importance… at least a bit.

“...No, she doesn’t.” Mariya responds, looking at you with a face that says I’m sorry before glancing back at Matsuo.

You don’t blame her. Not even when she promised to get you a better deal, you didn’t hold it to her, because you knew very well it would be impossible when it came to Naoya and his health.

Just as you said, if it wasn’t Matsuo insisting, it would be the doctor, and then his relatives, and so on and so forth—Presences you’d rather not have.

“To think that would be… silly.” Mariya quietly concedes.

“Then I guess you have your job cutout for you.” Matsuo looks at you, and you sigh. Guess you do.

You’re right where you started, inside your husband’s bedroom—this time, however, alone .

Maybe you finally convinced Matsuo to leave you to your devices, somehow earning his trust… or perhaps he arrived at your same conclusion of how embarrassing it was for him to be overseeing his masters after Naoya’s uncommon display of affection.

Well, whatever his reasoning, it didn’t matter, because after a brief consultation with Mariya, you agreed that even with his presence holding you back, it was too darn foolish to let this opportunity go to waste.

“Don’t worry about us, as I told the girls before, Meiko can’t let the order of things fall into disarray” she’d reassure. “The slightest disruption and the masters won’t hesitate to let her know. So don’t let Matsuo intimidate you, he’s always been all bark and no bite anyways—and if there’s something you need to take advantage of right now, it’s his vulnerability. You need to get as much information as you can and get out of here. ”

And that’s what you intend to do…

But it’s always easier said than done, isn’t it?

“Good morning” He’d be the first one to speak, a rather courteous beginning, you’d conclude, too early to assess what kind of Naoya you’d be seeing that day….

“Morning” you murmur, eyes solely focused on the garments already laid out on the futon. At least you weren’t burdened with the choice of picking his outfit. God knows how you’d be scrutinized if it wasn’t to his entourage's liking.

“How did you sleep?”

“I did.”

“What?” he blinks, confused.

“I just… did.” you responded, going for the first garment, a shirt. “I slept, neither good nor bad, I just did. That’s all.”

He stares at you for a few seconds, as if trying before a smile appears on his lips and laughs.

“You’re funny, you know that?” The out of his mind Naoya , it is.

His laughter and response makes something inside you churn, perhaps he didn’t intend it, but his words still came out as demeaning, as if he were making fun of you.

Even with his sickness, it seems that some traits of his other personality still lingers.

Of course it does, after all, it was him who decided to treat you horribly before. Just because he was… different, it does not erase it completely—you must proceed with caution.

“That’s good to know.” you say, ignoring the sentiments boiling inside you, as well as making any kind of eye contact—last thing you wanted was to put a face to that irritation you were trying so hard to suppress and thus, struggling even more to vanish it.

Keeping your gaze away from his would turn out to be quite the endeavor, more so when you were nothing but inches away from his face.

When was the last time you were this close to him, like this? You wonder…

That horrifying night of his arrival would be when, but for this specific scenario, your mind can’t help but drift further away into the past, into your honeymoon.

Throughout your stay there, everyday was plagued with the same routine. He’d take advantage of you first thing in the morning, and afterwards, and later on. Only stopping when he grew too tired and wanted to eat, or train, sometimes something else, but it usually kept at that.

And if he was feeling like it, he’d drag you into the bathroom and expect you to clean him up—probably his desire to indulge in a bit of domesticity, debuting his wife in something more than sex.

When you put it that way, it sounds beyond ridiculous—and it was.

You’d try to do your best, whatever your fear and anger allowed you to, or even Naoya himself for he wouldn’t be able to exert a few moments of “restraint” before he’d claim you again, right there and there.

He virtually took you whenever and wherever he could—there was not a single place inside the ryokan that didn’t witness that atrocious act, but after the bedroom, the bath always seemed to be his favorite place.

“I never noticed, Y/N” Naoya would taunt you once when ravishing you. Hands on your hips, holding you just in place as he plunged deeper and deeper into your warm core.

Drunk in pleasure, your husband often went on talking to himself, whether giving commentary you didn’t care to ponder about regarding you, nor were physically possible to, for your mind was too enthralled in the ocean of unwanted sensations he’s giving you, allowing nothing but babbles and whines to come out instead.

“How—how small your hands are!”

You don’t respond, outside of a squeak and a grunt, as you tightly hold onto the edge of the tub so as to not crumble against his unrelenting thrusts.

With each strike he lands against your sensitive spot, your gasps become louder, more frequent, making your knees buckle and his words foggier, but even with this dizzy layer of pleasure, you’re still able to discern his following words.

“Now, don’t—don’t get me wrong, I love it!” he’d snicker, leaning down to whisper and nibble at your ear. You try to stop him by raising your shoulder to your ear, but he’s faster and more determined to get there first. His warm breath against your skin makes you squirm, and your already weak hold deters once more. “And how— bigger it makes me look compared to you. Making me look good, aren’t you? Like a good. little. wife”

He accentuates the last words with a thrust of his hips, each one striking right there. You struggle to hold back your moans, your vision from fading into black, but when his hand lowers down to your mound, where you and him are connected and his fingers begin to toy and pinch your bud, it’s game over.

A load moan escapes your lips as the build up pleasure finally explodes, your gaze going completely dark as you’re rendered immobile by a shattering orgasm—your cunt instinctively squeezes him, so tightly, and so deliciously, that Naoya can’t help but surrender to it and chase his own release, grunting and growling louder and louder the more he thrusts into you, fingers marking your skin, and then, he cums.

His seed splatters hotly against every inch of your gooey walls. The way it fills you to the brim makes you nauseous, more so when you swear to feel him reach all the way up to your throat.

Naoya keeps you still, preventing you from falling forward and onto the tub—your hands were only millimeters away from falling off the edge, but your always caring husband wasn’t to permit any harm to befall you….

Or a comment to remain unsaid when he’s finally out of his trance, a smug smirk on his face as he pulls your face to his, kissing your cheek:

“But I love your cute voice more.”

You frown.

What pushed you to think about that right now… ? Incredible.

But if there’s a positive side to this, it just motivated you to keep your eyes further away from him.

By the time you begin dressing him up, the environment was as awkward as it could be thanks to you. Even when Naoya was obliging, extending his arms when you asked, and mostly keeping to himself, there was no denying that you were not inviting him to have a conversation, and he took notice of that.

The nimble work of your hands had you finishing the first part rather quickly and without mistakes, just as you wanted. After giving one last revision and approving of his appearance, you begin to head back to the futon—Only to be stopped by Naoya’s swift hold on your wrist, although not strong enough to hurt you, it was sufficient to rattle you.

You attempt to break free of his grasp by harshly pulling away, but no matter how much you tried nor how big your frustration grew, you could never win against the hold of a fully trained sorcerer; not even when he’s sick.

Your blood runs cold the longer he keeps you in place, diving deeper and deeper into the abyss of things Naoya is capable of, while he continues to be completely in trance with your hand, as if it were the most alluring thing there.

The silence between the two is pure agony, with your lips trembling, itching to speak up and ask him to release you, until he speaks the first word.

It’s not as bad as you imagined, but it’s still up there.

“Did you always have such small hands?” he asks, tilting his head. How Naoya manages to match so many coincidences eludes as it frightens you—as well as anger you.

“They’re not small, you’re just bigger.” you say, giving another tug against his hand; no change.

“No, I really do think they’re small.” he chuckles “Look, put them like this” Naoya stretches his palm before you, motioning you to put yours above his.

Hesitant would fall short to how you were truly feeling, and probably out of scope too. The best way to describe your emotions would probably be contempt. Although in Naoya’s defense… there was no way he would know you were angry because of that memory you had of the honeymoon, influenced by Hitomi’s reminders—he might be lots of things, but a mind reader he was not.

“Come on—Don’t tell me you’re all shy now.”

His words irk you once again, and that’s all it takes to officially declare war.

Holding back the aggravation this contact brings you, you concede to his requests, placing your palm with his, although with no care to see if they were aligned.

“There” you say. “Happy?”

“Wow—they’re really small… but very soft.” Naoya notes, slowly closing his grasp and intertwining your fingers with his. He seems content about it, and good for him!—at least someone gets to enjoy this—this stupid thing.

An enjoyment that would soon finish when his eyes begin to trail across your fingers, enjoying their warmth and admiring the care your staff had given them—overall how “good” it looked with his… that is, until his sight lands on your ring finger , immediately detecting a peculiar absence on it.

“Where is your ring…?” Naoya wastes no time to comment on it, and you inhale sharply.

This is the opportunity you were waiting for—the one to play your cards correctly.

You just hope you don’t mess up.

“It’s dirty, so I asked my ladies to clean it” you begin by responding nonchalantly.

“ Dirty?” he asks, the first time he’s ever heard anyone cleaning their wedding rings—although it would be the first time he’s ever seen anyone wear them. His relatives were not very… proud of their unions. “I didn’t know there was such a thing”

“It is, it’s the new craze amongst married couples” you explain, and Naoya can’t help but feel a bit… mocked. Rightfully so, and he has yet to see what’s coming.

“But where is it?” he asks again “How long does it take to get it cleaned?”

“Why? Do you want me to wear it?”

“Of course! You’re my wife ” Naoya breathes, almost offended that you’d ask such a question!

“I could say the same thing about yours” you say, nudging at his empty ring finger .

“Don’t answer a question with another one—I asked you first”

“Still trying to get with other people even when married?” you scowl. “Is that it?”

“Not that again…” he rolls his eyes, it seems the topic of infidelity struck a nerve—good! Now you know one of his weaknesses, and that he remembers yesterday’s conversation!

“I’ll agree to never bring that up again, if you allow me to see my family again”

Whatever animosity Naoya had towards your baseless accusations is immediately gone the moment those words fly past your lips.

“Why… would you— that doesn’t have anything to do with the other”

“Because I want to see them” you frown “What else could there be?”

“I guess so… But why? Are you not happy here?”

With that, something inside you finally snaps, filling you with both adrenaline and anger, just enough to break free from his hold with one swift pull and take a step away from him. If his clueless behavior a day prior was enough to prompt confrontation, this one was anything but expected .

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Pardon?” he frowns. “Look, I get you might miss them, but that’s not enough reason to cuss at—”

“Excuse me if I don’t talk properly, dear husband! ” you sneer “But what were you expecting with that response?!”

“Seriously, I don’t know why you’re all angry now—You’re the one that brought up the topic in the first place! I was just asking about the ring you’re supposed to be wearing anyways!”

“That’s not— that’s not the point!” you cry back “How did you even get to that conclusion?! And how could you—how could you not see I’ve been nothing but miserable here?! You’re more worried about a piece of junk than my wellbeing!”

“Miserable?” He repeats in disbelief “You have everything here! You don’t even have to work, you just have to sit there and be pretty, you know?! Maybe do some tasks around the house, but it’s nothing compared to what I do! If anything I should be complaining that you’re not respecting our marriage. I go out there, put myself in danger so I can provide you with a comfortable life, and you’re the one getting angry just because I asked where's your ring?! ”

You want to slap him.

You really, really , want to slap Naoya. Maybe that way you’d be able to arrange whatever brain cells he has left, reset him if possible!

But you don’t—because it will lead to nothing but another fruitless endeavor alongside reprimands you don’t feel like hearing. So instead, you clutch your skirt and look away, defeatedly going back to your tasks.

“Whatever.” you say, moving towards the futon. “Forget it. Just let me get you ready.”

“Y/N, hey —There’s no need to be angry, the day just started.” he attempts to reach out for you, but you shove him away.

“Let’s agree to disagree, ok?” you hiss, kneeling down to the futon and picking the next garment. “I have work to do—believe it or not, being your wife is much more than just a pretty face .”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Naoya… please.” you interrupt, giving him a stern look. One that in his eyes, appeared to be barely holding back tears. The sight is enough to stop him. “You said so yourself, the day is starting, so let’s keep it at that.”

The way he obeys you, even after this discussion, should be commendable. That much you keep in mind as you keep dressing him; had it been “Normal” Naoya, a more unhinged version of this one, you would have not been able to respond as you’d done—the punishments for this act are immeasurable.

Thankfully, it didn’t get to that point,, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t hold onto it until later, when he was much healthier… The mere thought of it sends shivers through your spine, which you quickly shake out of your head just before it completely takes over your body.

It doesn’t take long after that for silence to engulf the two, and just as awkward, if not more, than before.

The only thing that keeps you motivated is the moment of peace you’d be able to get once you get him ready��even if it’s short lived, because you’re expected to be back with his medicine soon after—it’s still something that fuels you, keeping your mind distracted, and with such determination one wouldn’t believe it was the same person who ran away from Naoya as soon as he showed a hint of vulnerability.

Which is what your husband expected to happen, rightfully surprised when you didn’t. Might be the reason why the silence prolonged, him probably waiting for you to sprint away whenever given the chance, doubting if he should prepare for it or not, while watching you carefully oversee the last details of his clothes.

Maybe.

Naoya won’t deny that, although his resilience mainly came from another reason. One that lingered in his mind the same way your escape did in yours.

“It’s in my jacket—I always bring it with me.” he murmurs.

“Huh?” you frown, looking up to him.

“My ring” Naoya clarifies. “Whenever I go out, I always bring it with me. Try to wear it too, but since I’m often deployed on missions I fear I might lose it so I ended up attaching it to a necklace, which I wear underneath my shirt.”

You don’t believe him. And why would you? His words are an easily conceivable lie, one many would struggle to prove because evidence of it seems impossible to find!

If it’s truly a personal, highly valuable, item, only Naoya knows where he would store it, if it’s even at the estate anymore… or true.

And you continue the rest of the day believing just that. That his words were nothing but a fabrication to bring out pity from you, make you feel lesser in this marriage, like you were the one disrespecting him as a persona and husband , and not the other way around.

That is, until curiosity eventually gets the best of you and when he’s finally asleep, you rummage through his closet, checking every jacket, pants, even drawers—any place you could think of a necklace might be stored in…

Eventually finding it in one of his jackets, and just as he described: wedding ring attached and all.

By the third day, everything finally seems to be going smoothly: Naoya’s fever lowered, enough to not be taking his temperature all the time. His body aches were less and less noticeable, evident by his disposition when doing certain things, such as dressing up and eating, although you were still very much required to be there to… back him up , essentially.

It wasn’t all bad though, for his strange demeanor appeared to have calmed down as well. No more unhinged Naoya and his stupid conversations that lead nowhere anymore: just pure silence. Odd for the talkative heir, but welcomed to you…

Even if it meant that your window of opportunity was closing.

Either way, you dutifully continued with your role, all whilst hoping that this sudden improvement leads to a day or two of recuperation, and then, free of his hold. No more being besides him, allowing you to approach your situation differently.

But until then, you’ll have to deal with being woken up in the middle of the night, fast asleep, just after managing to overcome the same nastiness of that nasty concoction your ladies daily force upon you, to the sound of someone barging through your door.

“Y/N!” A loud booming voice filled with a sheer edge of desperation abruptly wakes you up—belonging to no one else than the bothersome Matsuo. “Y/N, wake up now!”

“Wh��what?” you fret, quickly sitting up as your heart loudly thunders against your chest. You attempt to urge your vision to clear up by blinking rapidly, a symptom of your anxiety by the yet-mysterious reason behind his actions; he eventually comes to view and you sigh loudly.

“Get decent and follow me” he says without further explanation, as if it were the most normal thing to ask in the middle of the night, or that you weren’t to ask why. His tenacity wasn’t to let you wonder, unfortunately. “Hurry!”

“Ok, ok! I’m going!” you say, hastily pushing yourself up from the bed and rushing to the door; you were more than ready to exit, until a sudden sensation of embarrassment fills your senses.

“What is it?” He says noting your stillness. “This is an emergency!”

“I need to get changed.” you murmur, wanting to disappear before his eyes at the notion of being before him in your nightgown.

Matsuo scoffs.

“I’ll wait outside.”

He didn't have to wait much, for you just grabbed the first robe you could from the closet, caring only that it was sufficiently warm to fight off the cold night and covered what needed to be covered, and joined him soon after.

It wasn’t necessary to ask where your presence was needed, for it only took one familiar turn to the left to guess you were in route to Naoya’s bedroom.

The hour and urgency of this circumstance brought you back to that god awful night of his return, but your predicaments days prior overruled those possibilities immediately after.

“He’s got fever again” Matsuo explains when arriving at his door. “Worse than before. He won’t stop sweating or shivering, and no matter what we do, it won’t come down—and of course, he keeps calling for you.”

You don’t know whether to feel worried for his condition, or flattered that even when the world seems to be ending for him, he still seeks you out.

Neither. It’s Naoya we’re talking about.

“What do you want me to do?” you say—because at this point, you can’t imagine anything outside a miracle.

“Keep by his side until it passes. Give him water, put the—the towel thing on his forehead, I don’t know!”

“Why not take him to the doctor?” you frown “If he’s so sick , why not do that instead of having me here?”

“Naobito-sama doesn’t want his condition to leak to the rest of the community— and I presume I don’t need to tell you how bad that would be for the Zen’in’s reputation?”

That not even his own father was willing to risk his clan’s image for the sake of his son is… not surprising. Doesn’t explain why they didn’t bring a doctor to the house instead if they worried so much about that—but oh well, nothing of this family ever made sense to you.

If anything, given the way they’re toying with his health, keeping professionals out of it and dragging you along…it seems like they’re punishing him for his “audacity”

You push away your pity before it grows any more.

“What if it lasts all night? Or it worsens?” you ask.

“Then we’ll know in the morning—good night.” Matsuo turns around, more than ready to leave you behind.

“Wait, you can’t just leave like that! I still need to know how—”

But he can, and he did, leaving you once again to your own devices, alongside a very sickly husband who by his staff’s description, seemed to be at death’s door, and evidently , in need of a miracle!

You’re not to deny how stressed you were by the whole situation, the burden of having to essentially revive Naoya out of a situation most people would’ve approached by going to the hospital by now.

The possibility of him not making it out of this one is not something you want to think about either, or the punishments you were undeniably sure to have soon after, although it remained very vividly in your mind—Had the you of the past known you’d be in a position where Naoya could die … Well, you’d think it was a joke!

Yet, here you are, with the heir’s life on line, and a few prayers.

With taking one deep breath, and mustering all the motivation you could, you slide the door open and walk inside, where the sight that received you was just as accurate as Matsuo described, if not… slightly demure compared to the real thing.

With just the dim light of the nearby bed lamp you were able to see the gravity of his situation: flared cheeks, quickened breaths, and the slight chattering of his teeth, you’re quickly reminded of how feeble humans are against mother nature—careless of his previous improvements; if fate decides so, his health with not only decline, but worsen as well.

The second most noticeable thing from there would be his constant tossing and turning around the futon, alongside the poor excuse of a dampened towel thrown to the side, far away from the forehead where it was intended to be. No wonder he can’t sleep, he’s not being properly tended for!

While your disdain for Naoya is still very much present, even in moments like this, seeing him in that state is.. too close to home, and eventually, you start to feel pity for him.

If only things had been different…

“We need to do something else, because clearly, this isn’t working” you go ahead, picking the now cold towel from the floor and tossing it into the nearest furniture on the way, and kneeling to Naoya’s side.

The first thing that you do is remove the heavy blanket on top of him—even if he’s wearing lightweight clothes, they’re not enough to counteract the warmth of the cotton cover on him. First the cold towel, now this, did his staff even know how to cure a fever?! If you didn’t know any better, you’d think they wanted to kill him!

Pressing your lips together, you firmly hold the blanket and remove it from him, liberating him from the heated confine. You believe having seen him sigh out of relief soon afterwards, serves to show just how much of his condition was affected by their improper care.

The next thing you now need to do is get him into a more comfortable position, so to give him something to drink—thankfully, his staff had foreseen this one thing by letting behind a jar of water and a cup. At least they got something right…

“Naoya” you’d begin, gently nudging his shoulder. “Naoya.”

He doesn’t seem to react to your voice at first, perhaps thinking of it to be his mind playing tricks on him, effects of the fever, until after enough insistence, he turns to your direction; eyes widening when realizing you were there, on the flesh.

“Y/N—” he’d call, shakily, as he attempted to take a hold of your hand.

You didn’t intend to flinch away from him, but you couldn’t stop your body from instinctively doing so—seems to be the only thing that remembers the monster hiding beneath this weakened man as you go ahead once more and hold his hand, completely ignoring the alarms flaring inside your mind. “Y—Y/N— I—”

“Come on, sit up.” you say, now able to pull him up with such ease. The fact that you were able to do that only accentuates the criticality of his health.

“What… are you… doing…?” he’d ask, holding onto your hand for a bit more before retreating.

“You need to drink water” you say, turning to the cup and serving water into it. You don’t ask him to hold it, instead, you go straight to his lips. “Here, careful”

Naoya obeys, taking the whole thing in one sip, outside of a few droplets sliding down the corners of his mouth, which you quickly wipe away with your sleeve.

“Have you taken any medicine? I mean, as of right now?”

“No” he shakes his head, voice low like a murmur.

“Then I’ll get you something—and a new towel while I’m at it”

“No!” he cries out suddenly, making you wince.

“Naoya—”

“I don’t want more medicine, I’m sick of it!” he rambles on “I just want you here, I don’t want anything else!”

“You’re not going to get better by not letting me help you.” you attempt to explain, confused as to where this complaint could’ve come from whilst pushing yourself up from the floor. “I’ll be back with something that will help you, just stay—”

You were already on your way to the door when Naoya’s hand took a hold of your ankle, making you slightly falter in your step, but not enough to make you fall.

“I’m not letting you go.” Naoya threatens, rooting you on the spot. “I’m not”

“Let me go.” you frown, tugging at this hold, to no avail. How he manages such strength at this particular moment eludes you, but more than that, angers you. “ Now ”

“ No ”

“Jesus christ, Naoya, can’t you see I’m trying to help you here?!” You breathe, pulling against him one more time. “Seriously, why are you so opposed to getting treated?! First you don’t want your staff, only me, and now you don’t want that either?! Can’t you see that if I don’t treat you, you could die?!”

“Not that anyone would mind.” he argues, and the revelation, coming from him , makes you stop. “Nobody cares if I get better or not. So let’s stop acting like they do.”

Another layer of vulnerability builds up on Naoya’s character as he reveals the words your heart can’t help but feel honest.

Any other time you would’ve rolled your eyes, told him to stop whining, and let you get his medicine, because who wouldn’t care for the goddamn heir of a powerful clan as the Zen’in?

But after all you’ve seen, after all you’ve heard from him…

Why couldn’t he just keep acting like that arrogant bastard he always was with you? The one that tormented you?

Why did he have to show this side of him… and make it hard for you to hate him?

Why did he have to make everything so difficult?

“Naoya…” you murmur, looking down to his flustered face, as you continue. “Please, just this once, please don’t fight me.”

And for the first time in your life, your words seem to get through Naoya—whether because of the conflict showing on your face, or because he realized the gravity of his condition… it didn’t matter, he ended up weakening his hold and releasing you anyways.

You soon come back with a dosage of whatever over the counter medicine you could find in the nearest cabinet, heated him some tea you knew as relaxing, as well as a new re-dampened towel, this time with the adequate temperature.

"Did you drink more water?" You ask as soon as you come back, to which he replies by shaking his head.

“No”

"Here, you have to drink more, you've been sweating a lot. Also, take these pills" kneeling by his side, you set down the cup of tea on his side and give him said medicine, whilst taking the mental note to bring more once he calms down.

Naoya takes both without complaint, and once he's done, you ask him to lay back down into the futon.

"What are you going to do?" he asks.

"Put this in your forehead, should ease the fever a bit" you say, now looming over him and moving your hand to his head, gasping the moment your fingers grace his skin. "Jesus, Naoya, you're burning!"

"That doesn't... Make sense" he murmurs, but even when complaining, he lets you proceed. "I'm freezing..."

"It's a symptom of fever" you explain "so it's only natural that you'd feel like that."

"Why...? That doesn't make sense..." he repeats, and you can’t help but compare him to an insisting, curious child.

"No, I guess not." Once the towel is on his forehead, you proceed to clean up any unruly hair from sticking to his face, some simply brushed to the side, others behind his ear… eyes settling on his piercings.

When you met him the first time, he didn't have any. By the second time, at your wedding, he had two in each ear, by the lobes. You vividly recall being enthralled by them, thinking them to be so... Outrageous for a traditional family like his, yet fitting. It made him look good.

And now, he has 2 more in one ear, by the top outer edge, a helix piercing as Geto would once tell you. You don't recall seeing them prior to this night, so he must've gotten it when he was suspended…

You don’t stop your fingers from caressing them, wondering how much it hurt to get them done, or if his family complained about it. They must’ve, you supposed, but Naoya obviously didn’t care.

"It's late" Naoya suddenly comments, bringing you out of your thoughts, you’re unaware if he noticed your touch, but it no longer mattered because as soon as he spoke you retreated. “And I can’t sleep.”

He sounds frustrated. Understandably so, no one likes being tired and unable to rest.

“I know—it’s going to take a while for the medicine to come into effect, but for now just try your best to drink water and rest”

“Are you planning on staying here?”

“Yes”

“Are you… sleeping here?” he asks, almost… timidly. “If so, I can—”

“No—doing that will further expose me to getting sick.” you shake your head. “But I’ll see that your fever calms down in the meantime”

“I—It’s been a while since I… got sick” he admits. “At least to this extreme! Don’t—Don’t think I usually get like this!”

“I’ve been told—I can’t remember the last time I got sick either”

“Did you get sick often?”

“...I used to, back when I was a kid I would get the cold every winter, but not so nowadays.” It would usually start with Hinata, then you, and finally Ren. It was almost comical how it happened, like falling domino pieces, everyone in your family would get sick one started, but its duration greatly depended on each other. With Ren being the first to recover, you the last. “It’s more difficult with siblings, if one got sick, all of us got sick”

“Tell me about it.” He chuckles. “I have 5 brothers.”

“Must be a nightmare”

“It is… although it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Guess that’s why I didn’t get sick anymore.”

You go quiet, looking down to the ground. Family: a subject that you…

“Although it wasn’t that bad… I think.” he adds, making you lift your head up to him.

“Why do you say that?” you ask, confused.

“Don’t make fun of me… but I… I used to like the syrup they’d give me whenever I was sick. It was sweet, grape flavored, like the gummies”

“Really?” you blink.

“I know, I know—it’s… weird” he murmurs, looking away. “But I couldn’t help it; it was the only sweet around the house.”

“No, I mean… I did… too” you add, quietly.

“Really?!” he beams, excited for having found someone with his shared likings—more so, when that person was his wife . “I thought I was the only one.”

“No… I think me and my siblings liked it too” you confess “We’d try to sneak out a bit more than what we were supposed to take, but mom eventually caught us and hid it away.”

“Well, still better than the nasty cough syrup I’m given here. Made me appreciate those moments a bit more.”

“Wait… what syrup?”

“An awful homemade one, you’re lucky you don’t have to drink it.”

“I think my luck run out”

“What do you mean?” he frowns “You’re being given that?”

“I’m having it as of every night” you explain “My staff said it was for my good, to prevent me from getting what you have..”

“No way” he raises his eyebrows “They’re still giving out that thing? Does it even work?”

“Mariya-san thinks it does…” you add “Although something tells me it’s more of Junko-san’s beliefs than anything else”

“Sounds about right” Naoya chuckles. “Junko is the one that usually convinces my family to work with those weird, ancient remedies. I always wondered what’s harder, to exorcize high level curse, or change her mind.”

At the comparison, you couldn’t help but playfully scoff, a sound that as soon as you acknowledge it, makes you gasp, clasping your hands over your mouth as if to take it back.

To be laughing alongside him, your tormentor, finding humor behind his words…. Terrifies you. Yet, this pleasant side of him had done nothing but push those thoughts away, keeping them at bay.

Even when there’s still traces of his usual irritating demeanor… he was still social, genuine, and a bit humorous too. Naoya was acting as if he actually liked having a conversation with you, interested in what you had to say, and not just a pretty face for him to ogle and boost his ego with.

Once again, if only he’d been this way with you from the very beginning, if he’d been this… likable, then maybe your marriage—

“It’s kind of a “two negatives make a positive” kind of a situation, right?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking” he banters. “Although I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way.”

“No, I don’t think so either… but older people always have weird ways to work, don't they?”

“Like avoiding walking barefoot so as not to get sick.”

“Or eating honey with lemon to ease a sore throat.”

“I’d say that one works” Naoya corrects, you agree with a hum and a nod.

“Yeah, it’s the same as those honey pills, so never mind.”

“What about smelling a lemon to avoid nausea? That one surprisingly works”

“No way… have you tried it?” you blink, curious. “That’s the first time I heard about it”

“It used to help me when I was learning how to use my technique. I always ended up pretty dizzy after training and nothing seemed to work, until someone from the staff suggested I’d smell a lemon, and well, my dizziness stopped.”

“That’s something to keep in mind next time I get nauseous”

“Do you get nauseous often?” he asks, Naoya doesn’t recall ever seeing you like that.

“…a bit” you look away “When I’m on my period.”

“O—Oh” he stammers, embarrassed. It’s the typical reaction from most men anyways so you don’t pay much attention to it; if anything, you expect him to move onto another topic… until he decides to surprise you yet again. "Is it always… like that?"

“Sometimes… but that's nothing compared to the rest."

"Your pain" Naoya guessed, and him remembering that makes you feel… seen…?

"Yeah. It was so intolerable, I couldn’t do anything but stay in bed—I couldn’t even go to school. But, well, I didn’t really mind it, because I'd get pampered by my family instead." you muse, looking back to the moments that while painful, always enjoyed because it meant you’d be getting anything you wished—whether sweets, junk food, sleep, or getting to play videogames non-stop, it didn’t matter, you'd get it all. With the small price of pain though… (Perhaps it wasn’t that worth it.)

It's still hard to believe how drastically your life changed once you turned 15. Everything seemed to be off the rails since, with no signs of stopping. From being isolated in school, to isolated in this mansion.

You're not complaining about having to lose certain commodities, it's fine really, there's less people out there and if anything it makes you appreciate more of what you have.

But you'd rather lose everything, than not have your family.

"You miss them, don't you?" Naoya murmurs at your silence, you sigh.

"I miss them greatly. My sister, my brother… my dad. I miss them all. And they must be worried too, you know? It’s been a while since I spoke to them; I just… wish I could see them one more time…"

"Will that make you happy?"

You don't respond, but your silence and saddened façade is enough to answer him.

"I'll see what I can do."

What?

Did you—Did you hear that correctly?

Instead of giving you an irrefutable no and dismissing the topic completely…

Naoya is actually… Considering it?

“Re—really?” you don’t seem to believe it. Still can’t, it felt almost too—

“Yes. My wife wants that, after all. And if that makes her happy, it makes me happy. And who am I to deny her?”

But it’s real. That much you can see now.

“I—” you go speechless as tears begin to pool in your eyes. You didn’t intend to turn emotional, but the prospect of finally seeing your family after so, so long , was far too much to keep in. Swiftly wiping the tears out of your face, you continue. “How—How soon can I see them?”

“I’ll have to see… I’m not exactly in a position to demand but…”

Even through blurry eyes, Naoya is still able to see the twinkle in your eye, excitement to see your family, a vision he’s never seen towards himself, but can’t deny how endearing it is, motivating him to do anything he could to preserve it.

“I’ll see what I can do…”

“I still can’t believe this is happening.” you confess. Even if you knew that you shouldn’t get too greedy with your expectations, that this could easily be another one of his traps… something inside you tells you this is the real deal, the opportunity you were waiting for.

Even if it’s not your freedom per say, possibly a long way to go until you’re there, you’ll still take it and make the best of it, such as allowing your excitement to flow through your words—a decision that proves to be dangerous, more so when you completely ignore that the man you’re sharing these thoughts with, is the one you keep secrets from.

“I can’t wait to see my sister and my brother… “ you begin. “I’ve been longing for the day I’d be able to see them again. I know I shouldn’t be too demanding since there’s a crisis and lots of work to do… but still, to not hear anything from them… it’s—it’s been a nightmare.”

Naoya doesn’t speak, outside of a few nods and shuffles coming from him adjusting into a better, more comfortable position, whilst intently listening to your rambles.

“Especially after a long while. By the way I worry about them, you’d think they’d feel the same, right? Enough to send me something or even respond to something! But all I’ve known is silence.” you pout. “Even when Hinata told me to not worry, telling me to be patient… I just wanted to see them again, visit them, you know?

…

Was it always too much to ask, Naoya?”

No, it wasn’t. And taking everything into consideration, you should not have been kept away from them as long as you were in the first place.

Like any healthy marriage, you should’ve been permitted to see your family, visit them occasionally, or even invite them over! Get to talk about the things you’d seen in your life as a wife since you’re the only one that’s married as of that moment, maybe even compare your own experiences with your dad, wonder if that’s how your mom felt when in the judgmental eyes of the L/N clan, or perhaps you had a better deal than her, now that you were set to be the future Lady of the House—and not the prohibition Naoya imposed since day one.

His dislike towards them continues to be unknown to you. The only thing you knew of his contempt towards them was that it was strong (How could you ever forget the horrible way he’s referred to them?), and seemingly unprovoked.

Perhaps he was still sore for having lost to your sister long ago? But that was nothing more than friendly competition, one your sister didn’t think much of once over… she just had to do what she had to.

It feels almost silly to think that might be the reason for his dislike towards them… and that even with these sentiments, he still chose you to marry.

Another question rises to the moment… could this be the opportunity to ask?

You’ll never know unless you take the chance.

“Naoya, can I… ask you something?” you begin, looking over to Naoya who has now turned to his side, with his back facing you. It appears that after shifting from one position to the other, he finally found one of his liking. After a few seconds of silence, you continue. “Why did you… choose to marry me?”

He doesn’t respond, perhaps he’s allowing you to speak freely without interruptions. Nerve wracking considering his unpredictable demeanor just a few minutes ago, but you finally have the stage for yourself.

“I’m not… blind to the fact that my sister has always been the preferred one. Most people, if not everyone, from the community always speaks so highly of her—she was even set to marry Satoru, even though that didn’t happen in the end—while everyone looked at me and thought… well, that I was a poor comparison to her.

I don’t know, I guess it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would set their eyes on me. I’m not that great, I don’t have a technique that’s impressive, my grades were ok, and I’m not someone many would consider “wife material”. Hell, I’m not even that pretty!” You chuckle, and a tear slides down your cheek, which you quickly wipe away. “I guess I’m just… confused as to why you’d choose me, or that you’d keep me around after your family stated they don’t like me. There’s so many women out there that would be happy to be in my shoes, more willing too… with less problems than me, and probably with a family less stubborn than mine.”

…

“So… Why me, Naoya?” you ask once more “After all that… Why did you choose me… as your wife?”

You voiced your thoughts, the deepest, intimate ones you’ve been holding onto since your wedding was announced.

To think that you’d be sitting down with Naoya, although not looking eye-to-eye, but having an actual conversation and not an argument, was an amazing achievement in itself.

You don’t know what it was that motivated you to open up to him once more, after openly denouncing him before, cursing him, wishing to never see him again, even wondering what your life would've been like if Naoaki had taken the role of your husband, it was safe to say you didn’t want anything with him anymore.

But after seeing this side of Naoya, and the promise of seeing your family once more, something sprouted inside you—hope.

If he didn’t have it in him to be kind, if he was truly, irrevocably a monster, he wouldn’t be acting like this. Naoya wouldn’t show his vulnerability if he didn’t have the ability to do so. Trusting you with the memory of his mother, and how you’d relate to it, if it was impossible to him.

But if he was capable of all this… then why isn’t he responding?

Did you perhaps… misunderstood this moment? Think of his silence as inviting, instead… of something else?

If there’s anything more terrifying than an always talkative Naoya, it’s one that remains silent, for it bares a wide arrangement of answers: was he angry? Disappointed? Offended for having seen your intentions by agreeing to take care of him?

It’s no surprise that you quickly begin to reprimand yourself for having taken this moment outside of what it was: your duty to take care of him and nothing more.

You should’ve remained neutral, give the impression that you were grateful for his consideration, appease that dominant side of him, and not bite more than you could chew…

But you couldn’t. Your emotions lead you to make the worst decision yet again, and now, you have to deal with the consequences.

Doing your best to prepare for what lies ahead, carefully inching closer to him, looming over his body, just enough for you to get a quick look at his face and… well, act accordingly.

Would his face be clouded with dark intentions? Quickly going back on his words, for how dare you question him when sick? Thinking on what to punish you with, in these quiet, pensive moments…?

Maybe, there was no way for you to know anyways, not when your heart sinks to your stomach once you see a glimpse of his face, eventually realizing that the reason Naoya stopped responding is…

Because he was deep asleep .

It seemed like the medicine started to take effect, and combined with the unwitting lulling effect of your voice, combined with the tea and your efforts of creating a much relaxed environment, Naoya was finally able to find rest.

Well, at least your worries were proven wrong, but now you had to worry about how much he actually heard of your conversation. Most importantly, the promise he made to you .

A thing that would remain unsolved, because even if the mystery was eating you alive, you weren’t to wake him up so abruptly—his sickness was your immediate concern. So you’d continue on with your duties: checking every so often if his fever lowered by placing your palm over his forehead, dampening his towel whenever you felt it turn colder, slightly opening the windows when you felt the room grow a bit too hot, and later on, hearing him groan and hiss when going through what you later perceived as a nightmare .

In the middle of his sleep, he seems to call for someone in between slurred words. It took you a while to guess who, but you’d come to the conclusion it was his mom at first, and then… you .

Even when deep in his sleep, you still continue to take hold of his thoughts.

Naoya would go on to whine, furrow his brow, sometimes even clench his jaw—whatever it was that he imagined, it made him vulnerable, and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him—before calming down, to later start all over again, making you wonder if you should wake up him.

He was proving you once again that he is human; a man… molded by his surroundings—a child that had the misfortune of growing up in this place, stripped of all sense of normalcy… and made into a vessel for his clan’s ideals.

Ones to which he succumbed without protest, taking you along with him.

It’s this thought that ultimately made you decide not to comfort him.

Because even after all that happened these past few days, you haven't forgiven him.

You couldn’t. Not when a part of you still seeks revenge. Wants him to see, understand, feel , the pain he put you through—Of the suffering you went through with nightmares of your own. Because at the end of the day, he’ll wake up with nothing but a sour memory, finding himself in the same 4 walls he recognizes as his house. You’d wake up, and you’d be alone, in a desolate, loveless place you’ve been forced to call home.

If he thinks his promise will compensate for all the horrifying things he’s inflicted on you, he’s wrong .

Naoya needs to do much, much more than that if he ever wants to mend his mistakes, if he ever wants you to give this marriage a second chance.

You just wish his actions during his sickness weren’t feigned.

Hope … that you weren't wrong in trusting him.

#series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you

28 notes · View notes

musemash · 2 years ago

Photo

youtube

Trumped By Justice, Part 2: AMERICA'S WORST SEX PEST FINALLY MEETS HIS MATCH – playlist by the Lone Antifa / updated Jan 19, 2024 – rant by the Canuck Crank

The rusty wheels of American justice have been freshly oiled, and are finally starting to turn. They are now bearing down upon one DONALD JOHN TRUMP, hot on the heels of his indictment in the Stormy Daniels hush money case. He has been found guilty of the sexual assault and defamation of writer E. JEAN CARROLL.

The day after the verdict, the FORMER GUY doubled down on his disparaging comments in his now-infamous CNN Town Hall – thereby proving once again that PRECEDENT TRUMPERY is an arrogant, insolent, self-entitled fool, with no regard for decency. As a result, Carroll has been granted the right to seek further punitive damages, totalling $10 million.

According to the latest news, Trump was also warned on May 23 to follow certain guidelines set by the New York judge in the Stormy Daniels case. This, however, did not deter the CRIMINAL DEFENDANT from complaining about that judge on social media shortly afterward. More significantly, later that day he actually defamed E. Jean Carroll once more, in another post.

This bizarre behavior raises troubling questions. Is DON VETO deliberately attempting to provoke a CONTEMPT OF COURT charge? Is he perversely hoping this tactic will actually goad one of his judges into giving him some JAIL TIME? Such a strategy is not as far-fetched as it sounds, because he could easily use it to gaslight his deranged MAGA-GOP cult even further – reinforcing the idiotic notion that he is the ultimate POLITICAL MARTYR.

Despite such shenanigans, Carroll's legal victory nevertheless hopefully marks the beginning of an avalanche of unprecedented guilty verdicts, unfolding over the next several months. The SLANDERER IN CHIEF could be charged for crimes ranging from election fraud, witness tampering, and obstruction of justice, to fomenting an insurrection, threatening judges, and stealing classified documents.

In some ways, the most troubling aspect of the Carroll case came during the aforementioned CLOWN HALL. I'm referring to the sickening laughter of many in the audience, when the UNREPENTANT SEX PEST mocked and re-defamed his victim. Sadly, however, I have also been reminded that this sort of cavalier attitude toward sexual assault is not solely confined to those who perpetuate traditional right-wing sexism.

I was recently scrolling through one of the many anti-Trump Facebook group pages, and came across a disturbing meme. It showed Trump behind bars, frowning. A word balloon showed him saying "MAGA: MY ASS GONNA ACHE." Standing close behind him was a black man; he was scowling, so this was clearly not a prelude to romance. I felt compelled to call this out, with the following comment:

"I see nothing funny about PRISON RAPE jokes. Anti-Trump people, one would hope, are progressive folks – who rightly despise The Don for his sexual assaults. Why then are some of the anti-MAGA groups allowing these sleazy kinds of memes? Totally hypocritical! I've seen at least a dozen of these atrocities on other FB pages, and every one of them showed Trump being paired with black men. So clearly, they are perpetuating RACIST stereotypes. And in this case, the meme has evidently been posted by the group's moderator. You should be ASHAMED."

The image gallery and embedded videos above, and the many links below, provide a good overview of Carroll's legal milestone. At the bottom of the page, you will also find links to some of MFF's more forceful posts about the rise and fall of America's most notorious WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL; a number of them have been recently updated.

Whatever else I could say about the Carroll case pales in comparison to the following brilliant polemic, which appeared May 13 on a Facebook page called DONALD TRUMP FREAKSHOW. Author Mitchell Smith introduced it with this comment: "I had to write this, after Trump defamed E. Jean on the [CNN] Town Hall." Here it is, in its eloquent entirety:

Greasy-sleazy foundation covered menace of the masses. A flopping, lying snake in the grass – with limbs flailing like a whirling dervish demon. A petulant, grabbing psychotic mess of humanity, only fit for the most slovenly ignorant of humans.

He speaks out of the sides of his grotesque mouth as he watches you with eyes of a swine, considering his next words while you are still speaking. He doesn't hear you. He never wants to hear you.

The savagely dyed hair that falls all over his scalp, leaving just enough to cover his ears – as he makes facial contortions to show his unapproval for anyone that speaks. He fidgets about in his cranky old man pants, three sizes too large for his clumsy frame.

He calls you disgusting, fake news, wacko, accuser, liar – and he doesn't know you. He never saw you, even though pictures show him with you – but he thinks you're his wife? His confusion comes from a lifetime of lies – and he can no longer differentiate the truth from falsehood.

He's a false prophet, a dilettante in training – a wreckless, accusing maniacal farce of a human being. He believes his star status enables his desires, and allows for his lusting to be reciprocated. In some cases, for the ones who know not well, he gets his way.

In the end, his cantankerous, shallow, self-serving, soulless existence is only understood by those who understand real evil. He will eventually meet his evil self, and he won't be very satisfied about it. He will have an awakening; his awful misguided heart will eventually explode – and he will expire.

And we will celebrate the end of a horrific time in our existence. We will dance, and be joyous – because the evil has perished. We will heal and move on. No more discourse to put up with – only real joy.

A HISTORY OF ALLEGATIONS Really Creepy Statements https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K7sa7EeUGc The Donnie & Rudy Show 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTFv8Sr08V8 Access Hollywood Tape https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSC8Q-kR44o Twitter War: Trump Vs Murphy Brown https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zkj65G84Fbk When Candice Bergen Dated The Donald https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBt0uzNQEXU Ivana's Claim That Trump 'Raped' Her Resurfaces https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-exwife-claim-he-raped-her-resurfaces-in-new-documentary-a6836151.html Child Rape Allegations Against Donald Trump https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Calif_Lawsuit.pdf Trump Made Wife Feel ‘Violated’ During Sex https://www.thedailybeast.com/ex-wife-donald-trump-made-me-feel-violated-during-sex Trump Comments On Women That You Hadn't Heard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--6QO-Ewml0 Full Frontal: Why The Fuck Are You Even Surprised? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gk72KC4jWc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltU3ms9rt5w Access Hollywood Tape: The 48-Hour Fallout https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNJGbUWPwe4 SNL Takes On The Trump Tape https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbrXTh0Ioj4 This is What Trump Thinks of Women https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6PPB9N8Ax8 'No One Asked Me To Come Forward' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS7CJN2FFbA --------------------------------------------------------------------- 'When You're A Star…You Can Do Anything' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SjeD_GR-UM Clinton Calls Out Trump's Sexual Comments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9b9rqTgyEg Trump On Sexual Misconduct Allegations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN8sbW4Hv3Q Donald Trump Child Rape Lawsuit Explained https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/11/3/13501364/trump-rape-13-year-old-lawsuit-katie-johnson-allegation Child Rape Accuser Drops Lawsuit Against Trump https://jezebel.com/the-woman-who-accused-trump-of-raping-her-at-13-just-dr-1788603598 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3894806/Woman-alleged-raped-Donald-Trump-13-Jeffrey-Epstein-sex-party-DROPS-case-casting-doubt-truth-claims.html Trump Faces New Sexual Assault Allegations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-NeVEBCMgE Trump Objectifying & Insulting Women https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq2zibeZ-xw Alleged White House Predator Escaping Scrutiny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-LApapGC6E Billy Bush Remorseful About Infamous Tape https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPBIzebzv-4 16 Women: Trump's History Of Sexual Assault https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2lMN3kIjAA Bush Insists Access Hollywood Tape Is Real https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0Q7IE9WZM8 Colbert: Bush Believes The Women Accusing Trump https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvcIeSfaB3c --------------------------------------------------------------------- Donald Trump's Accusers Speak Out, Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMuJEBMgqVs A Sexual Predator Is On The Loose https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/12/what-about-the-19-women-who-accused-trump/547724/ Trump ‘Kept Kissing Me.... I Was Devastated’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYymsEKO2V8 Accuser Jessica Leeds Responds To Trump https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEcqE2WoInM Trump's Testy Exchange With Female Reporter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_IWReOz8YE Trump Mocks Ford's Claims Against Kavanaugh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m00qAeFHaQ Trump Brags About Kissing Married TV Host https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fieKL8Tm2l8 Trump Claims He 'Wasn't A Fan' Of Jeffrey Epstein https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTmt2wDKc_8 Trump & Epstein Partied At Mar-A-Lago In 1992 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUDr_c2PalI Epstein Accuser Shares Story Of Alleged Rape https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNCQeQuV6O0 Trump Teen Rape Allegation Resurfaces https://www.newsweek.com/trump-teen-rape-allegation-national-enquirer-ronan-farrow-jane-doe-1465652 Did Trump Pay $35M To Settle Child Rape Claims? https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-child-rape-settlements/ Trump Berating & Demeaning Women Reporters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDPa1I4HVAY Women Accusing Trump Still Speaking Out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkEnVVJSIOs

AN ACCUSER'S DAY IN COURT The Donnie & Rudy Show 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Guve7Y856kY Interview With New Trump Assault Accuser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNvL44MBIDk E. Jean Carroll: Trump Pinned Me Against The Wall https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHucIRl3hkc Trump Accuser: 'I Am So Glad I Am Not His Type' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RumPGMUSw2A Carroll Sues Donald Trump For Defamation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4sJZmVJCGc Judge Unseals Trump Deposition In Carroll Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYvI8nyx-70 Trump Hurls Insults, Denies Raping Columnist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN2cr_Lqbzk Trump Confuses Carroll With His Ex-Wife https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBpjIsjO6iU --------------------------------------------------------------------- Trial Begins In Trump Rape & Defamation Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oLYhCOCOKU Carroll Testifies In Civil Case Against Trump https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrKvM5QOJHA Carroll Gets 'Re-Victimized' By Trump Lawyer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHHGqq8ehkk Trump 'Raped Me Whether I Screamed Or Not' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9ItBix5CU8 Why Carroll Is Likely To Win Her Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eIXhUr6rC0 Carroll's Admissions Made Her More Credible https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNO8tv2c-Vw Judge Denies Trump Mistrial Bid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWlAfP3qvMY Jessica Leeds On Taking The Stand In Rape Trial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gPZnLUtkYs Key Moments From Trump's Civil Rape Trial https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65502792 --------------------------------------------------------------------- Trump Defends Access Hollywood Tape https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-defends-infamous-access-hollywood-comments-in-deposition-video-2023-5 https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/trump-defends-access-hollywood-tape-stars-have-historically-grabbed-women-173063237972 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVna5DmQRB4 Trump Insults Attorney, Confuses Carroll For Ex-Wife https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjTtihu9yLQ https://news.sky.com/story/its-marla-donald-trump-confuses-rape-accuser-with-ex-wife-trial-told-12873372 Trump's Deposition Could Be A ‘Huge Blunder’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVna5DmQRB4 ‘To Donald, All Women Look Alike’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxdfD4OYLhQ Carroll Demands Trump Remove Rape Trial Posts https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/e-jean-carroll-demands-trump-follow-court-order-remove-rape-trial-posts/ar-AA1aSyTQ The Allegations In Rape Case Against Trump https://news.yahoo.com/allegations-e-jean-carroll-rape-201752819.html --------------------------------------------------------------------- Jury Hears Closing Arguments In Carroll Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L5A6qIArnE Trump A 'Nonstop Liar' & Sexual Abuser https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/may/08/trump-e-jean-carroll-closing-arguments-rape-trial Carroll Was 'Exactly' Trump's Type https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/in-closing-argument-attorney-for-e-jean-carroll-says-she-was-exactly-trumps-type/ar-AA1aU3tz Jury Begins Deliberations In Carroll Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67_y556r8rA What Jurors In Trump's Civil Rape Trial Heard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZtKmavNhWQ Trump's Full Deposition In E. Jean Carroll Case https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkU49iYkw2A Access Hollywood Grabs Trump By The Credibility https://ca.news.yahoo.com/access-hollywood-tape-grabbing-trump-110000749.html --------------------------------------------------------------------- Jury Reaches Verdict In Trump Rape Trial https://www.huffpost.com/entry/jury-verdict-e-jean-carroll-trump-rape-case_n_644d4035e4b039ec4e855930 Trump Found Liable For Sexual Assault & Defamation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbs7CjX9u5M https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOoqDHYobN0 https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-liable-rape-e-jean-carroll-jury-verdict-2023-5 https://time.com/6278384/trump-liable-sexual-abuse-carroll-jury/ https://deadline.com/2023/05/donald-trump-rape-verdict-sexual-assault-defamation-cnn-e-jean-carroll-1235360939/ Adult Survivors Act Enabled Carroll Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGFGoKFlWYQ Trump Found Liable Of Abuse But Not Rape https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/donald-trump-found-liable-of-sexual-abuse-and-defamation-in-e-jean-carroll-case-but-not-rape/ar-AA1aXLTj E. Jean Carroll Beats Donald Trump https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/05/donald-trump-rape-verdict.html https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/may/09/e-jean-carroll-wins-trump-trial-verdict

AFTERMATH OF A COMEUPPANCE Carroll Victory A Waypoint In Path Of Progress https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_TB_oFGQ1Y Stoynoff Re Carroll Verdict: 'Moment Of Truth' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WphczD_WyP0 An Important Verdict For Women Who Are Suffering https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GIwi5xm64I How Does Carroll Verdict Impact Trump Politically? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05NSFn4qid8 GOP Cowards Ignore Trump Sex Abuse Verdict https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz18L6XsBfs The Stunning Clarity Of The Carroll Verdict https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/05/e-jean-carroll-donald-trump-liable-verdict Carroll Friend Speaks About Testifying https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21LbI5vW5MM Carroll Victory A Legitimate 'Not All Men' Moment https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/maddow-blog-e-jean-carroll-s-trial-victory-is-a-legitimate-not-all-men-moment/ar-AA1b1jYk Trump Vows To Appeal 'Witch Hunt' Verdict https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPrBo2_fyAI Carroll 'Overwhelmed With Happiness' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC-IkpJgHDE Trump Brushes Off Verdict In Town Hall https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTHHTLpsdig The Long History Of Trump's Misogyny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzh80kTvcI8 Republicans Defend Trump After Abuse Verdict https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mg1IXMhmJc ‘First Time' Trump Is Held Legally Accountable https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8a4RLkVyyA Mika Does Fiery Takedown Of GOP Enablers https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/republicans-come-to-defense-of-trump-after-sexual-abuse-verdict-173797957878 --------------------------------------------------------------------- Carroll: This Is A Big Win For All Women https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbWlXIbZKTc WH Staffers Accuse Trump Of Sexual Harassment https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/scandal-unveiled-former-trump-staffers-break-their-silence-accuse-him-of-sexual-harassment-during-white-house-tenure/ar-AA1b1yoJ Trump Pushes False Claims, Mocks Carroll https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-pushes-false-election-claims-mocks-e-jean-carroll-to-applause-during-cnn-town-hall/ar-AA1b19FN Town Hall Laughter Was Like A 'Lynching Picnic' https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/5/11/2168708/undefined Trump Symbolized Rich Men’s Impunity – Until Now https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/may/11/donald-trump-liable-e-jean-carroll-sexual-abuse-accountability Trump's Clown Hall Rape Jokes https://vimeo.com/826078557 Trump Downplays Assault With Bizarre Story https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=217465691027759 Trumpers Humiliate Themselves At Town Hall https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=1281629029416651 Carroll May Sue Again After ‘Vile’ Comments https://nypost.com/2023/05/12/e-jean-carroll-may-sue-trump-again-after-cnn-comments/ White House Women Report Trump Sexual Predation https://washingtonpress.com/2023/05/13/corroboration-more-women-come-forward-about-trumps-sexual-predation-during-presidency/ Trump Defence Relied On A Myth About Rape https://kansasreflector.com/2023/05/13/trump-found-liable-in-assault-case-after-relying-on-a-myth-about-how-women-should-react-to-rape/ Sexual Harassment An ‘Open Secret’ At Trump WH https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-actions-to-young-staff-at-white-house-was-an-open-secret-says-alyssa-farah-griffin --------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Party Of Family Values' Defends Trump After Verdict https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg9MOBg0tBQ Trump Uses Mother's Day To Blast His Enemies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dn_XnW2X9A Carroll 'Thrilled' To Finally Hold Trump To Account https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GFHvxjUnNs Rudy Giuliani Hit With Sexual Abuse Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evrwqvd4Wcg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEwv-xacWW4 https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/ny-rudy-giuliani-sexual-assault-lawsuit-noelle-dunphy-manhattan-20230515-x7wlklnodfckjlgb7nub4vpuim-story.html Carroll Seeks Damages Over Town Hall Comments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxMahsMbV6M https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKrj6_in2I0 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12112879/E-Jean-Carroll-seeks-substantial-damages-Trump-CNN-town-hall-comments.html https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/e-jean-carroll-seeks-new-damages-from-trump-over-post-verdict-statements/ar-AA1bxCRn https://www.thewrap.com/e-jean-carroll-seeks-new-damages-from-donald-trump-cnn-town-hall/ https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-in-trouble-accuser-e-jean-carroll-seeks-very-substantial-damages-after-defamatory-comments-at-cnn-town-hall/ar-AA1bxRIO https://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/e-jean-carroll-seeks-additional-222947135.html Teaching Trump The Lesson He Failed To Learn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaGOJsVh0Ec --------------------------------------------------------------------- Carroll Now Seeks $10 Million In Damages From Trump https://www.npr.org/2023/05/23/1177709860/e-jean-carroll-defamation-lawsuit-trump-10-million Trump Defames E. Jean Carroll One More Time https://www.yahoo.com/news/e-jean-carroll-sues-trump-090350888.html After Judge's Warning, Trump Attacks Carroll Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KmEivY6wvw Judge Allows Carroll To Seek More Damages https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/13/politics/e-jean-carroll-damages-trump-cnn-town-hall/index.html Trump's Shameful Efforts To Flee Accountability https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuwK9yHKUks Ex-Staffer: Trump Fantasized About Sex With Ivanka https://www.rawstory.com/ivanka-trump-2661978066/ https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ivanka-naked-sexism-miles-taylor-book-nyt-anonymous-1809187 Trump Sues E Jean Carroll For Defamation https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jun/28/trump-sues-e-jean-carroll-for-defamation-over-comments Trump Blasted For Frivolous Lawsuit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9BGD17VPtM Blistering Ruling Against Trump In Carroll Case https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaUF1-dTy7g Claim That Jury Cleared Trump Of Rape Rejected https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlGuTSyEE2E Federal Judge Unleashes On Trump Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAUmmt__OP8 The GOP Is Now The Party Of ‘Fuck You’ https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-gop-is-the-party-of-fk-you Carroll Beats Trump In Court – Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVHPb0IOK2I --------------------------------------------------------------------- E. Jean Carroll Testifies At Damages Trial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJRy1X9kLiA https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/nyc-defamation-trial-carroll-trump-1.7086369 Trump's Physical Reactions To Carroll Testimony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz3Ql7YLTHo Carroll Testifies Trump Shattered Her Reputation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOKpTnKVIuk Bad Boy Antics Help Trump's Poll Numbers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW3qG16WGFs ‘How Much Will It Take To Make Trump Stop?’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql45zkxX5hE Judge Threatens To Ban Trump From Courtroom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toLSIGXkiHw Repairing Victim's Reputation Would Be Expensive https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-legal-news-brief-repairing-carrolls-reputation-from-trump-attacks-could-cost-121-million-expert-testifies/ar-AA1ncppC Notoriety Made Carroll ‘Hated By A Lot More People’ https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-sex-assault-accuser-e-204700274.html Fixing Carroll's Reputation Could Cost $12M https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/e-jean-carroll-defamation-case-updates-fixing-carrolls-reputation-would-cost-12m/ar-AA1n3HaS Judge Bench-Slaps Trump Attorney Habba 14 Times https://ca.news.yahoo.com/e-jean-carroll-judge-bench-032242542.html Trump Looms Over Carroll Trial Even In Absence https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/e-jean-carroll-back-witness-stand-trump-courtroom-rcna134404 --------------------------------------------------------------------- Trump Could Owe $12M (Or Much More) For Defamation https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/in-e-jean-carroll-case-expert-says-trump-could-owe-12m-or-much-more-for-defamation/ar-AA1nbyLy Donald Trump Goes On Carroll Posting Binge https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/donald-trump-goes-on-e-jean-carroll-posting-binge/ar-BB1gWoZN The Last Thing Competent Lawyers Want https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dqiMH5xfFw Trump Dares Judge To Kick Him Out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wK8WTaAjY4 Alina Habba: ‘Worst Trump Lawyer So Far’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5zSabABW4o Carroll Wraps Up Defamation Testimony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ_w39C09Y0 Judge Schools Habba On ‘Evidence 101’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkf71Wlura0 Trump Insists That He Deserves Damages https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NAwT18MZu0 Trump's Court 'Shenanigans' Are Backfiring https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrhdkCJpptk Trump Screws Himself In Front Of Federal Jury https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN9ZtX5Hv2I Any President Can 'Cross The Line' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em6s8nQt-Jw Trump's Shameful History Of Misogyny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBLyjj6I3nc Donald Trump Is A Rapist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8c-12KKfg The Donnie & Rudy Show 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9Kp_eHMQ7s

ALRIGHT MR. DEMILLE, I’M READY FOR MY PERP WALK! https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/713382295673929728/trumped-by-justice-part-1-mr-demille-im-ready THE DAY THE ORANGE GASLIGHT EXPLODED https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/738815435038916608/the-day-the-orange-gaslight-exploded-by-the-lone TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY NOW OPEN TO PUBLIC https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/720157024444383232/trumped-by-justice-part-3-trump-presidential THE ORANGE SKULL’S BIGLY YUGE VENDETTA https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/82625540293/the-orange-skulls-bigly-yuge-vendetta-by-the FUNERAL PYRE OF THE MAGAMERICAN MESSIAH https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/650853914324992000/do-not-listen-to-what-the-prophets-are THE UNQUOTABLE TRUMP GOES ROGUE https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/631721452658425856/the-unquotable-trump-goes-rogue-part-1-multi CRUEL REQUIEMS FOR THE BIGLIEST SORE LOSER https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/663916506082623488/resistance-tribute-part-5-cruel-requiems-for-the CIVIL WAR JUST AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/652682070929326081/trumpery-swan-song-act-3-civil-war-just-aint THE TOXIC DANCING TROLL THAT HAUNTED AMERICA https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/688829628127805440/the-toxic-dancing-troll-that-haunted-america-by CLEAR & PRESENT DANGER: A POTUS ABSENT WITHOUT LAW https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/657180468385546240/resistance-tribute-part-1-clear-present-danger THE BIGLY YUUUUGE IMPOTUS THEME PARK https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/632214159489220608/the-bigly-yuuuuge-impotus-theme-park-part-1-by WHEN THE ARTS DO JUSTICE TO RESISTANCE https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/659380468858355712/resistance-tribute-part-2-when-the-arts-do THE FIRST AVENGER’S ANTIFA USA HIT PARADE https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/189391026290/resistance-tribute-part-6-the-first-avengers DON VETO’S LUNACY HOLDING AMERICA HOSTAGE https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/665917596709912576/trumpery-swan-song-appendix-don-vetos-lunacy REBELLIONS FOR ALL MOODS & TASTES https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/659832377015730176/gallery-1-ani-difranco-2-bruce-cockburn-3-poly THE LAST CRUSADE OF UNCLE SAM’S ACTIONEERS https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/177613773630/the-last-crusade-of-uncle-sams-actioneers-as-we USA DEFIANCE & SURVIVAL MANIFESTO https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/178087639820/usa-defiance-survival-manifesto-part-one-by SACRIFICIAL RITE OF DA BIGLY STABLE GENIUS https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/653860772025417728/trumpery-swan-song-act-4-sacrificial-rite-of-da GHOST OF TREASONS PAST https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/671325173472018432/xmas-2021-trilogy-part-1-ghost-of-treasons-past THE HERO’S JOURNEY OF THE CHOSEN BERN https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/655761574616793088/1-baby-yodabern-2-artiste-bestows-a-blessing-3

2 notes · View notes

dankovskaya · 3 years ago

Text

Daniil at the end of his fucking rope

#absolutely love when it gives you these fully deranged dialogue options completely out of left field. maybe drink some milk and calm down.#though in his defense anna angel does very easily provoke verbal aggression #he is a lying ass hoe for this though cause i didnt even let him have a gun #pathologic #''mezzo-soprano'' as an insult. Golden.

14 notes · View notes

bellakitse · 4 years ago

Text

The 'B' Word

Carlos and TK run into Carlos’ three sisters on the street and decide to have dinner with them. Over the course of the meal, their friends with benefits relationship changes.

Written for @911lonestarweek - Day 1: Romance/“You are the only one for me.”/Fluff

Carlos holds the door for TK to walk through, trying to keep his grin at bay in the face of TK’s epic pout. He’d suggested a night of putt-putt, thinking it would be a friendly and easygoing activity they could enjoy as they try to put more emphasis on the friends part of their unconventional relationship. It was supposed to be a casual night out. However, Carlos didn’t anticipate that TK would be horrible at the game or be such a lovable sore loser.

“You cheated,” TK accuses him, the scowl on his handsome face cuter than it has any right to be. Carlos swallows back a sigh at the thought. It’s moments like this that show him how truly head over heels he is for the man before him.

He pushes that thought down too.

TK has made it more than clear he’s not ready for more than what they are right now – friends who enjoy each other’s company in and out of the bedroom.

He tells himself how he always does when these thoughts start to creep in that it’s enough for now. He gets to spend time with TK; he gets to touch him, hear the soft sounds he makes when they’re together, he gets his smiles.

So what if they don’t have a label?

Having some parts of TK Strand, Carlos has quickly learned, is infinitely better than not having him at all.

“At putt-putt?” he questions with an amused grin pushing away his less than pleasant thoughts. “You think I cheated at putt-putt?”

“Yes,” TK shoots back, his expression set in a childish frown, causing Carlos’ grin to grow.

“How exactly?” he questions, outright smirking when TK stalls, his pout growing as he can’t come up with anything.

“You distracted me with your you-ness,” TK finally answers, waving a hand in his direction as if it explains everything.

Carlos feels his face go warm, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling incredibly smug too. He reaches out, slipping a finger through one of the loops of TK’s jeans, pleased when TK comes into his space easily, his arms going around Carlos’ neck as he holds him close.

“That’s an interesting way to say you think I’m hot, sweetheart,” he murmurs teasingly as he presses his nose against TK’s temple.

“You already know I think that,” TK scoffs at him, turning his head to kiss the corner of his mouth, his tongue peeking out in a tiny teasing lick. “Don’t pretend now.”

Carlos lets out a steadying breath as his body instantly reacts to TK’s goading. “I still like to hear it,” he answers with a playful pout of his own, happy when it makes TK chuckle.

TK brings his hands down, cupping Carlos’ face between them, using the leverage to close the tiny height difference between them as he brushes his lips against his. “Needy,” he whispers, the word spoken against Carlos’ mouth causing him to let out a moan, proving TK’s point.

“Let’s go back to my place,” he whispers back, his hands giving TK’s hips a suggestive squeeze.

TK laughs softly as he shakes his head. “You promised me dinner.”

“I’ll make us something when we get there,” he promises now, groaning when TK shakes his head again.

“You and I both know – if we get behind closed doors, we’re not eating anything but each other, Reyes,” TK tells him, smirking shamelessly when he gasps at his words. “I want real food first.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, willing down the blush on his face and the arousal coursing through him at the mental image TK’s words have provoked.

TK goes to take a step away from him, ready to start walking on their quest to find some food, but Carlos holds on to him, grinning back at him when it makes TK raise a brow in question. He doesn’t answer with words; instead, he cups TK’s face like he’d done to him, swallowing the small gasp he lets out with his lips.

He kisses TK thoroughly, taking his time as he feels TK’s body go lax against his, kissing him back lazily, pressing his tongue against the back of Carlos’ teeth in a way that makes his toes curl from the butterflies he feels in his stomach.

Carlos could get lost in the act of kissing TK Strand and often does, like now, which is probably why he doesn’t realize people have walked up to them until there is a loud and obvious clearing of someone’s throat startling the two of them.

“What – “ TK starts to say, sounding dazed, and Carlos would take a moment to be proud of that if it wasn’t for the horror he’s experiencing in the face of his three older sisters standing before them, grinning like deranged clowns.

“Well, well, well,” Lola starts, like the rabble-rouser she is, her grin looking painful from how big it is. “Look who we have here being all indecent in public? Isn’t there laws against practically having sex in public spaces, Officer Reyes?”

“Would he have to arrest himself?” Valentina asks ironically – the oldest but by no means the most mature – piling on with a smirk of her own.

Sofía, the second oldest and usually the quietest, smiles softly at him, almost sympathetic if it wasn’t for the laughing glint in her eyes. “How much do you wish the ground would swallow you up right now, manito?”

“Very much so,” he grits out with a tight smile as their enjoyment of the situation grows. He feels TK’s body shift next to him a second before his hand touches Carlos’, linking their pinkies together. He turns his head, surprised at the gesture, and finds TK looking a little lost but supportive of him. It loosens something in his stomach, and as TK gives him a half-smile, Carlos is helpless but to return it. “TK, these are my sisters, Valentina, Sofía, and Lola,” he says, pointing at each of them in turn, getting a wave back from all three. “Girls, this is TK,” he continues, not adding anything else though he can see the curiosity in his sisters’ eyes. “Anyway, we were going to go grab a bite to eat, so – “

“What a coincidence, so are we!” Lola exclaims happily, her brown eyes twinkling, and Carlos shakes his head, already seeing where she’s going with this.

“We should all get a bite together,” Valetina continues, and Carlos has to stifle the groan that is dying to come out at the tag-teaming happening before him.

“We barely get to see you, hermanito,” Sofía adds on with a sad face that fools no one.

“We saw each other two weeks ago at Mami’s for Sunday lunch,” he points out, rolling his eyes when the three of them shrug their shoulders in unison.

“Way too long, bro,” Lola answers, getting a nod from their other two sisters. “And we’re obviously not sharing enough if none of us knew you have a boyfri – “

“Okay!” Carlos interrupts before she can finish the dreaded ‘B’ word. The last thing he needs is his meddling sisters spooking TK with that title. He looks at him with an apologetic look on his face, hoping he understands. “Do you mind if they join us?”

TK looks at him for a moment and then at his sisters, a sly grin making its way onto his face that fills Carlos with dread. “That depends,” he starts, raising an eyebrow at the girls. “How many ‘baby Carlos’ stories can I get out of this meal?”

Carlos lets out that groan he’s been holding back as his older sisters all smile at TK like he’s a new shiny toy.

Being the boldest one of his sisters, Lola steps towards TK, slipping her arm through his. “All the stories you want, my dude. Let’s start with the one where Carlos would play Selena’s ‘bidi bidi bom bom’ on repeat and do her spins in the living room until one time he almost threw up on the carpet from twirling so much,” she recounts, throwing a grin at him over her shoulder as she and TK start walking ahead.

Carlos closes his eyes for a moment, opening them again when he hears snickering at his side. He glares at Valentina and Sofía and their matching grins.

“We better catch up to them before she tells him that you can’t get through a single Disney or Pixar movie without crying like a baby, and that’s why you don’t watch them in the theater anymore,” Valentina warns him, laughing at him when his eyes widen.

He doesn’t move for a moment, letting them pass before him. TK throws a look back at him, half-worried but also gleeful as Lola says God only knows what in his ear, and Carlos can’t help the mixture of apprehension and tentative joy he feels at his worlds colliding.

“Keep up, manito, before we steal your boy away,” Lola shouts out, already crossing the street with TK still wrapped around her arm.

“Shit,” Carlos swears low before rushing to catch up.

֎֎֎

They end up at some hipster tapas restaurant. It’s not his usual style, but his sisters and TK seem to like it as they all pick from the multiple small plates at their large table. The girls each have a wine glass in their hands and blessedly don’t blink an eye when TK says he doesn’t drink and orders an ice tea.

He sits next to TK, with his sisters on the other side of the table, watching the two of them like they’re putting on a show for their enjoyment. He glares at them, hoping they’ll cut it out, but they seem to just find his scowls enjoyable – ignoring him in favor of focusing on TK.

“So TK, how did you and our little brother meet?” Valentina asks, starting off the inquisition.

TK pauses mid-reach for the papas bravas at her question before grabbing the dish and scooping some onto his plate for him, giving him a smile when he says thank you. “Um, we met on a call,” he starts to say, taking the plate of garlic shrimp he offers him in return. “I’m a firefighter; we were answering a call to a car accident, and Carlos was the leading officer on the scene.”

“Ohh, a firefighter, nice,” Lola says, throwing him a teasing look. Carlos is grateful for it as it makes TK laugh, and he misses the pointed look his other sisters give him at the way he and TK interact so easily.

He knows they are dying to ask.

“How did you snag such a hottie, Carlitos?” Lola continues, turning her teasing towards him.

Carlos rolls his eyes; used to his sister’s good-natured ribbing, he opens his mouth to mess with her, only for TK to let out a snort.

“Well, first, look at him,” TK answers for him, turning to look at him with a teasing but soft look of his own, a sweet smile playing on his lips. “He’s gorgeous.”

Carlos feels his heart jump at the easy way TK compliments him, not shy in the least as it makes his sisters share another round of looks that this time TK catches.

“It seems to be a family trait. You’re all very beautiful,” he says to them with a charming smile that has Carlos groaning and laughing at once as it totally works on all three of them.

“Don’t butter them up,” he complains as he sees the twinkle in all their eyes. “They’re already insufferable all on their own. If you hype them up, they’ll just be impossible.”

“It’s not hype if it’s true,” Sofía says with a flick of her curly hair, getting a nod from Valentina and Lola.

“That’s right, wey,” Valentina continues, grinning at the face he makes at them. “Listen to your boyfriend; we’re beautiful.”

Carlos freezes at the word boyfriend, but TK just laughs with the girls, moving the conversation along as he asks more about Carlos’ childhood. He leans in, listening intently as the girls share embarrassing but honestly sweet stories about him. Each looking at him with the great love he knows they feel for him.

TK hangs on to every word, smiling softly over at him every few minutes as he files away information – like his love for anything custard and his intense fear of cicadas.

“One time when I was 15, this kid in the neighborhood was picking on me,” Valentina tells the story, sharing smiles with Lola and Sofía as they start to chuckle, remembering the moment.

“We were all playing outside, and he came over and started making fun of my glasses or clothes. I don’t even remember, but I was on the verge of tears when Carlos, who had been playing with his action figures on the porch, comes running and kicks him as hard as he can on the shins, surprising the kid. He tripped, and Carlos jumped on him, hitting him with his tiny fists, screaming at him not to be mean to his sister,” Valentina pauses, looking over at him fondly. “I’m eight years older than Carlos, he was only seven at the time, but he was still protecting me.”

“Awww,” TK gushes, looking over at him with a tender glint in his pretty green eyes. “That’s so sweet and so in character.”

Carlos feels himself blush at the focus of everyone around the table, fidgeting as they all grin at him. “I protect the people I care about,” he grumbles, embarrassed.

“I know,” TK answers softly, reaching out to take his hand. “Trust me, I know.”

Carlos stares at TK feeling a shift in the air, his silly heart giving a flip as hope starts to sneak its way inside it.

“What else?” TK questions, turning back towards his sisters but not letting go of his hand.

The girls share another look between them, and Carlos can only guess what they’re thinking before they jump into more stories.

The rest of the night passes in a blur of laughter and childhood anecdotes, and before Carlos knows it, they’re settling up the bill and walking out of the restaurant. They linger outside for a moment before, one by one, the girls hug TK first, telling him he needs to come to the next Reyes’ lunch and that their mother is going to fall in love with him. TK smiles through it, not making any promises other than checking his schedule with him. He forks over his phone easily when Lola asks to add him to WhatsApp with the promise of baby pictures of him, and Carlos just knows she’ll add TK to a group chat before the end of the night.

They turn to hug him, tight and warm as always, each whispering in his ear how much they like TK and how happy they are that he’s found someone who makes him smile the way he’s smiling. He hugs them back, all the while looking at TK over their shoulders, wondering what’s just happened in the course of the night.

He hails them a cab and reminds them to text him when they each get back to their homes, getting fond rolls of their eyes as they promise before getting into the cab, leaving him and TK alone with this sudden shift in their relationship.

Neither says anything for a moment, each knowing one of them needs to start.

“So,” he begins, biting the bullet. “I guess we should talk about tonight because I don’t know if you realize this, but my sisters just left with the impression we’re in a serious relationship, and that means I will have at least a dozen texts by morning from my mother.”

“Sure,” TK says, nodding quickly, nervous energy pouring out of him. “But first –“

TK takes a step into his space, and then another until his chest is pressed against his, and Carlos instinctively puts his hands on TK’s slim waist seconds before TK covers his mouth with his, in a hungry, almost desperate kiss. Carlos matches his energy, pouring all the love and longing coursing through him, claiming TK’s mouth the same way TK has claimed his heart.

He holds him so close he’s sure TK can feel the way his heart is pounding against his own.

“TK – “ he gasps out, his skin tingling at every point of contact. “What – “

“I’m crazy about you,” TK blurts out, stepping out of his hold to pace. “I didn’t plan it. I didn’t see it coming. You were just supposed to be this cool guy I had good chemistry and good sex with, someone I would be friends with and share a bed with on occasion. This was supposed to be simple. But every day, I fall for you a little bit more and more with your kindness, your patience, the way you make me laugh and smile even when I don’t want to.”

He runs a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up, looking adorable even as his eyes have gone wild. “You weren’t the plan. You came into my life when I was at my worst, and for some reason, you still wanted to be around me, offering me the best of you, and I have been trying to ignore it because I thought it was too soon after my break-up or because deep down, I think you deserve better than me.”

“There is no one better than you,” he interrupts, needing TK to understand that once and for all. “You’re not perfect, TK, I know that,” he says, holding up a hand when TK goes to argue. “But there is no one better – you are the only one for me.”

TK lets out a gasp at his words, finally not moving about, coming to a stop, and Carlos takes the chance to touch him again, bringing him in closer as he cups his face, tilting it up to him.

“Your sisters looked at me tonight as someone worthy of you,” he whispers, his eyes going glassy. “I so want to be that. I want to be worthy of your love.”

Carlos smiles, feeling everything inside him melt for the man in his arms. “Oh, baby,” he whispers softly, leaning in to kiss his forehead, his eyelids, cheeks, and the tip of his nose before he brushes his lips against TK’s. He pulls him into a hug when he feels him tremble. “Don’t you get it? You already are.”

“Carlos – “ TK gasps something like a sob into his neck.

He pulls him back, making sure he’s looking at him before he finally says the words he’s been holding in for so long. “I’m in love with you, TK.”

TK lets out a wet laugh, nodding rapidly as he grasps his shoulders. “I’m in love with you too,” he answers, smiling brightly, matching Carlos’ own smile.

The kiss they share is salty from their mixed tears but perfect.

Breaking the kiss, they press their foreheads together, basking in the moment and the change in their relationship. Carlos doesn’t think he’s ever been happier, but after a moment, he finds himself letting out a groan as a realization creeps in.

“What is it?” TK questions him curiously.

“I just realized that if my sisters learn we weren’t official before we ran into them and that dinner with them helped in any way – I’m never going to hear the end of their mocking,” he answers, blinking in surprise when TK lets out a chuckle that quickly turns into a deep belly laugh. It only grows as Carlos pouts at him in return.

“Not even five minutes of being boyfriends, and you’re laughing at my pain,” he says, trying to keep from smiling but being unable to do so at the use of the ‘B’ word and the way TK lights up at it. “You’re lucky I love you.”

TK sobers at his words, the laughter dying out but the loving smile staying in place. “I am so lucky,” he says softly, taking his hand.

Carlos intertwines their fingers, bringing their hand up to his lips, laying a kiss over TK’s knuckles. “I’m lucky too.”

#911 lone star #tarlos #911 lone star fic #tarlos fic #lonestarweekend #lsweekend2021 #tk x carlos #my writing

167 notes · View notes

space--rat · 3 years ago

Note

tell me abt the sohn jims or sumthn

jonathan "head archivist of the magnus institute london "the archivist"" sims starts out as such an asshole he gets someone's extremely traumatizing story about losing a friend on the battlefield complete with some terrifying supernatural spookage and this man puts his whole archivistussy into voice acting this fucking statement and then immediately goes statement ends this man was clearly deranged like wtf dude and then says that he'd b chill with martin kartin blackwood getting fucking mutilated and ur listening to it and ur like damn this guy's mean what the hell dude but i love him anyway and then u learn that jon is in fact an asshole but mostly he's a socially inept little shit a stranger asked him if he'd seen a dog and this absolute GENIUS went "in general or./>?.???" and HIS ONLY FRIEND outside of work where nobody except fucking martin, who he unequivocally hated, was his ex girlfriend he had NO OTHER FRIENDS also i watch a lot of shows with stupid protagonists like A LOT hell i play a lot of stupid protagonists but JONATHAN "THE ARCHIVIST" SIMS is easily the stupidest he goes and talks to people he knows can and would kill him which is like normal levels of idiocy but then he gets his fucking hand burned through and goes oh wig time to go talk to go provoke another incarnation of fear right immediately now :D he is so fucking dumb this man is Incapable and the worst part is that there are brain cells in his head i'm sure of it he simply decides not to use them and i haven't even mentioned season 2 where he was absolutely convinced all of his coworkers were trying to kill him including fucking sweetheart incarnate martin kaleidoscope blackwood he was literally stalking them and he didn't learn ANYTHING from this and there was actually shit going on he just didn't find it he found EVERYTHING ELSE that didn't matter at all AND ANOTHER THING he's named after the writer of the show because Jonathan Sims, writer of jonathan "head archivist of the magnus institute london "the archivist"" sims, also has no brain cells

#the magnus archives #i finished it last night #200 episodes in a week and two days #and i took a break for a couple days because penelope wanted to finish it together

5 notes · View notes

notringwinner · 4 years ago

Text

[ ... ] — ACCOLADE.

— Any award, honor, or laudatory notice — re: Fanmail

[ ... ] — AESTHETIC.

— Having a sense of the beautiful; characterized by a love of beauty. — re: Aesthetic Posts

[ ... ] — BILBO BAGGINS.

— ❝ I come from under the hill, and under hills and over hills my path has led. And through the air, I am he that walks unseen... ❞ — re: Bilbo's Thoughts

[ ... ] — BERSERKER.

— Violently or destructively frenzied; wild; crazed; deranged. — A warrior who fights with frenzied rage in battle. — re: Bifur

[ ... ] — CHRONICLE.

— A chronological record of events. — re: Admin's Life

[ ... ] — CLANDESTINE.

— Characterized by, done in, or executed with secrecy or concealment; private or surreptitious. — re: Anonymous Messages

[ ... ] — CUTTHROAT.

— A person who cuts throats; murderer. — Ruthless. — re: Dwalin, son of Fundin

[ ... ] — DISTRACTION.

— That which amuses, entertains, or diverts; amusement; entertainment. — re: Memes

[ ... ] — ENDORSEMENT.

— Approval or sanction. — The signature, instructions, etc., placed on the reverse of a commercial document, for the purpose of assigning the interest therein to another. — re: Promotions

[ ... ] — FEAST.

— Any rich or abundant meal. — re: Recipes & Food

[ ... ] — FESTIVITY.

— Festive character or quality; gaiety; merriment. — re: Christmas, 2015

[ ... ] — FINANCIER.

— A person skilled or engaged in managing large financial operations. — re: Gloin, son of Groin

[ ... ] — FRIPPERY.

— Finery in dress, especially when showy, gaudy, or the like. — re: Wardrobe

[ ... ] — GAME.

— An amusement or pastime. — A competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance — re: Wardrobe

[ ... ] — GLOSSARY.

— A list of terms in a special subject, field, or area of usage, with accompanying definitions. — re: Dictionary

[ ... ] — GOURMAND.

— A person who is fond of good eating, often to excess. — re: Bombur

[ ... ] — HAWKEYE.

— One who bears keen eyesight. — re: Bofur

[ ... ] — HEALER.

— A person or thing that heals; a medical practitioner. — re: Oin, son of Groin

[ ... ] — HEDONIST.

— A person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification. — re: Bilbo Baggins

[ ... ] — IMPULSE.

— The influence of a particular feeling, mental state, etc. — re: Sexual Urges

[ ... ] — INDOMITABLE.

— One who cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons, will, or courage; unconquerable. — re: Thorin II Oakenshield

[ ... ] — INGENUITY.

— The quality of being cleverly inventive or resourceful; inventiveness. — An ingenious contrivance or device. — re: Admin's Creations

[ ... ] — INSTIGATOR.

— One who urges, provokes, or incites to some action or course. — re: Gandalf Greyhame

[ ... ] — JUDICIOUS.

— Using or showing judgment as to action or practical expediency; discreet, prudent, or politic — re: Elrond Earendilion

[ ... ] — KIN.

— Someone or something of the same or similar kind. — Of the same kind or nature; having affinity. — re: The Company of Thorin Oakenshield

[ ... ] — LARCENIST.

— A person who commits larceny, i.e., the wrongful taking and carrying away of the personal goods of another from his or her possession with intent to convert them to the taker's own use. — re: Nori

[ ... ] — LORD.

— A person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler. — re: Sauron ( filed under 'The Lord of the Rings' )

[ ... ] — MARTINET.

— A strict disciplinarian. — Someone who stubbornly adheres to methods or rules. — re: Bungo Baggins

[ ... ] — MELODY.

— Musical sounds in agreeable succession or arrangement. — re: Music

[ ... ] — MEMORABLE.

— Worth remembering; notable. — re: Good Times

[ ... ] — MINUTIAE.

— Precise details; small or trifling matters. — re: Small Headcanons

[ ... ] — PATRICIAN.

— Befitting or characteristic of persons of very good background, education, and refinement: — re: Dori

[ ... ] — PERSIFLAGE.

— Light, bantering talk or writing. — re: Skype / Friend conversations

[ ... ] — PORTRAIT.

— A likeness of a person, especially of the face, as a painting, drawing, or photograph — re: Admin Photos

[ ... ] — PRECIOUS.

— Of high price or great value; very valuable or costly — Highly esteemed for some spiritual, nonmaterial, or moral quality. — re: The One Ring

[ ... ] — PROPOSAL.

— The suggestion of something for acceptance, adoption, or performance. — A plan or scheme proposed. — re: Wishlist

[ ... ] — PROSE.

— The ordinary form of spoken or written language, without metrical structure, as distinguished from poetry or verse. — re: Saved Writing

[ ... ] — RECOGNITION.

— The acknowledgment of achievement, service, merit, etc; the expression of this in the form of some token of appreciation. — re: Bias Lists

[ ... ] — RENOVATE.

— To restore to good condition; make new or as if new again. — To reimagine; refresh. — re: Blog Work

[ ... ] — RIDDLER.

— One who speaks in riddles. — re: Gollum

[ ... ] — RIDDLING.

— Any enigmatic saying or speech. — re: Admin's OOC Posts

[ ... ] — SAVANT.

— A person of profound or extensive learning; learned scholar. — re: Ori

[ ... ] — SANCTUARY.

— A sacred place. Any place of refuge; asylum. — re: honorwinning

[ ... ] — SCION.

— A descendant. — re: Frodo Baggins

[ ... ] — sempiternal.

— Everlasting; eternal. — re: Thorin II Oakenshield & Bilbo Baggins

[ ... ] — sentiment.

— An attitude toward something; regard; opinion. — re: PSAs

[ ... ] — SLANDER.

— A malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report. — re: Hate Mail

[ ... ] — tête à tête.

— A private conversation or interview, usually between two people. — re: Messages

[ ... ] — usurper.

— One who seizes and holds (a position, office, power, etc.) by force or without legal right — One who uses without authority or right — re: Smaug the Golden

[ ... ] — valorous.

— Courageous; valiant; brave. — re: Fili, son of Vili

[ ... ] — venturous.

— Having or showing a disposition to undertake risky or dangerous activities; daring. — re: Kili, son of Vili

[ ... ] — verdure.

— Greenness, especially of fresh, flourishing vegetation. — re: Nature

[ ... ] — vindictive.

— Disposed or inclined to revenge; vengeful. — re: Thranduil Oropherion

[ ... ] — wanderlust.

— A Merriweather, innate desire to rove or travel about. — re: Places

[ ... ] — wayfarer.

— A traveler, especially on foot. — re: Belladonna Baggins

[ ... ] — wise.

— Having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right; possessing discernment, judgment, or discretion. — Possessed of or characterized by scholarly knowledge or learning; learned; erudite. — re: Balin, son of Fundin

THE RINGWINNER MAIN VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo Baggins AGE: 51 LOCATION: Erebor

An open-ended verse in which Bilbo returns to the Shire after his journey. Whether he stays or goes is up to the thread's discretion.

THE WILD CHILD THE CHILDHOOD VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo Baggins AGE: From 1-33 LOCATION: The Shire

The lost years, in which Bilbo serves as the local black sheep of Hobbiton. Curious, naive, and somewhat invasive, he wishes to learn all he can about the land beyond his homestead's borders.

THE BAGGINS THE PRE-QUEST VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo Baggins AGE: From 33-50 LOCATION: The Shire

Properly tamed, Bilbo Baggins lauds the title of one of the most respectable Hobbits in the Shire. He has little to no interest in associating himself with anything to do with adventures, thank you, and would especially rather not deal with troublesome wizards or barbarous Dwarves.

THE TOOK THE QUEST VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo Baggins AGE: 50 LOCATION: Variable

Baggins or Took? Bilbo struggles with compensating his two warring mindsets as he acquaints himself with the world outside of the Shire -- and the Dwarves who have led him straight into it.

THE DEBAUCHER THE MODERN VERSE

ALIAS: BARNABAS Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: London // Variable

Beck is a boarding school baby and is set to inherit his father's investments. He's savvy and bears formidable intelligence -- but lacks direction in his life. He fills the void by seeking thrills and letting his imagination run wild, and co-heads Durin Corporation, a security conglomerate, with his partner Thorin Oakes.

THE RENEWAL THE GOD VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo, God of Renewal AGE: Variable LOCATION: Variable

Charming, spirited and not the least bit cunning, the God of Renewal spends half the year tending to the livelihood of fields and forests. The other half, however, sees his life spiral into welcome darkness, where Bilbo is known as Consort and formidable lord of the dead.

THE RAVENCLAW THE HARRY POTTER VERSE

ALIAS: BARNABAS Beckett Baggins AGE: Variable LOCATION: Often, Hogwarts

A clever Ravenclaw who tends toward Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures, but has a strange affinity for the Dark Arts in later years. He's also got a knack for Charms.

THE SUNCHASER THE STAR TREK VERSE

ALIAS: Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: Variable

Wherein Beckett holds a career in Starfleet as second in command under his captain, Thorin.

THE CORSAIR THE PIRATE VERSE

ALIAS: Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: Variable

Beckett seeks his cousin, Dominick Baggins, formerly under the employ of the King's Navy and now missing for several months. He will do anything, include stow away on pirate ships, in order to find him. Swords and bar fights haven't stopped him yet.

THE 411 THE UNDERGROUND VERSE

ALIAS: [REDACTED] AGE: [REDACTED] LOCATION: London / Variable

He is cunning, shrewd, and greatly enjoys his ability to run people in circles. His loyalties are hard to pinpoint and his services come at a high price. If one wants information from him, they've got to intrigue him first -- be it a solved riddle or an exceedingly lavish gift. secrets are his trade, and he is not willing to part with them easily. Often he can be found working as an informant for the highest bidder -- unless they win him over completely, that is.

THE KNIGHT THE KINGSMAN VERSE

ALIAS: Percival AGE: 33 LOCATION: London / Variable

❝ After the death of his father, Percival's mother takes him to the forests where she raises him ignorant to the ways of men until the age of fifteen. Eventually, however, a group of knights passes through his wood, and Percival is struck by their heroic bearing. Wanting to be a knight himself, the boy leaves home to travel to King Arthur's court. After proving his worthiness as a warrior, he is knighted and invited to join the Knights of the Round Table." ----LE CONTE DU GRAAL

In which Beckett Baggins takes up the mantle of Sir Percival, rectifying the wrongs of the world with panache and aplomb.

THE SURVIVOR THE WALKING DEAD VERSE

ALIAS: Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: Variable

He used to co-own the most profitable business in the world, but it's all gone to shit and they operate on a new kind of currency. Separated from the man he loves, Beck's ongoing mission is to locate Thorin Oakes. His weapon of choice? One reliable dagger and all the cunning a multi-millionaire can still afford.

THE INSPECTOR THE GARGOYLES VERSE

ALIAS: Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: London

Detective Inspector Beckett Baggins isn't really surprised to be thrown off of the Eyrie Building on an investigation. What does surprise him is the winged, beclawed creature who snatches him right out of the sky -- and proceeds to offer him a story his inner novelist could never resist.

THE INSPECTOR THE GARGOYLES VERSE

ALIAS: BARNABAS Beckett Baggins AGE: 33 LOCATION: Variable

Beckett is The Ghostwriter, who can bring ideas to life with the flourish of a pen and turn invisible at will. He uses his powers as he sees fit and tends not to be persuaded into teamwork, preferring to set forth his own sense of justice.

THE DUALITY THE BBC SHERLOCK VERSE

ALIAS: John H. Watson AGE: early 30s LOCATION: London

In which Bilbo Baggins is John Watson, and John Watson is Bilbo Baggins. ...Wait. That can't be right, can it?

Too bad he can't remember.

( Based on this plot. )

THEY LOOK SO SHARP, THEY LOOK LIKE ONE THE QUINTUPLET VERSE

ALIAS: Bilbo Baggins AGE: Variable LOCATION: The Shire

One Bilbo Baggins is quite more than enough for Middle Earth to handle. Four is just overkill.

7 notes · View notes

mkobooks · 4 years ago

Text

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevesky

Last year, I read Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. I had mixed feelings about--it was at times incredible and moving and at numerous others, an enormous slog. Until a few weeks ago, it was the only Russian classic that I’d read.

Crime and Punishment was one of those books I’d heard of, of course, but it never came onto my radar as something I might want to read until I saw it featured as a “McGuffin” in The Flight Attendant on HBO (I got the novel from the library the other day and will probably be reviewing it in about a month). Then, as luck would have it, I stumbled onto Reddit’s “Classic Book Club” subreddit. They were staring off 2021 with C&P so I decided to join in thinking that reading one chapter per day shouldn’t be too difficult. Instead, the greater challenge was to limit myself to read only one chapter each day!

Spoilers for a 150+ year old classic~~

From the very beginning, I found myself pitying and relating to Rodya, the destitute former student who commits the eponymous crime and suffers its punishment. He’d been keeping to himself inside his (completely disgusting) apartment, reluctant to even run into his land-lady, and moping about without purpose. Despite his poverty, he gives money to the sickly wife of Marmeladov a stranger he meets at a pub, and despite his listlessness, he has actually been formulating a plan to murder and rob the pawnbroker to whom he has sold several possessions.

Then, he does it. He actually does it! 🪓 🪓

And Dostoyevsky presents the reader with the question that is prominent through the novel: Is there good in Rodya’s heart? Or is he a deranged murderer?

To further complicate things, a police detective seems right on his tail thanks to Rodya’s recently published article about criminals and their motivations, and his sister, Dunia, is engaged to Luzhin, a rich, creepy, asshole, and being low-key stalked by Svidrigailov and even creepier asshole. All the while, Rodya goes back and forth about whether or not he should turn himself in or kill himself.

This novel was at times a thriller--so many tense moments between Rodya and the detective, Porfiry--and at others an intense character study and philosophical critique. Is the murder of one “louse”--as Rodya often characterizes his victim--justified if it could help hundreds of others?

That said, Rodya is not a great person and he spends most of the book irritable, sickly, or just plain rude to his friends and family. But when contrasted with the other monstrous men in this book: Marmeladov, whose alcoholism has impoverished and ruined his family; Luzhin who’s looking for a poor but pretty woman to “rescue” through marriage; and Svidrigailov who killed his wife and abused several others, is he that bad? Is he redeemable? Should he be redeemed and like Lazarus, be able to come back to life?

I enjoyed the comparisons between these objectively terrible men--and the contrasts with the more decent male characters, Detective Porfiry, and Rodya’s friend Razumihin. Yet, as a modern reader, I couldn’t help but bristle at the treatment of Rodya’s foil and eventual love interest, Sonia.

Marmeladov’s daughter from his first marriage, Sonia is forced to become a prostitute (a “yellow ticket” as it’s referred to in the book) in order to support her family. She is described as child-like and innocent in her devotion to her family (she is “technically” a young adult) yet the narrative presenters her as sinful as he. “The murder and the harlot” as they’re described shortly before Rodya implores her to go away with him, exclaiming: “we are both accursed, ... [because] you, too, have transgressed... you have laid hands on yourself, you have destroyed a life... your own (it’s all the same!).”

It’s never exactly clear why Sonia likes him, but without her support Rodya never would have been able to confess and--bafflingly--she follows him to Siberia where he is imprisoned. This angered me when I read it in the first part of the epilogue. Why would she follow this loser to the least hospitable part of Russia where he was sentenced to eight years in jail?

But, to my surprise, C&P ends on an optimistic note. Unlike Petersburg, the rural village in Siberia is actually great for Sonia. She helps the prisoners and easily earns the love and respect she deserves from the community. And, thanks to her love, Rodya is able to see the “dawn of a new future, of a full resurrection into a new life.” In my opinion, he’s not exactly redeemed since he’s not all that contrite, but at the very least, he’s less unpleasant and open to changing himself and finding a way to repay Sonia.

This is just scratching the surface of everything that happened within this book. I would absolutely recommend it (here it is on Project Gutenberg). It is exciting, thought-provoking, and timeless; well-deserving of its status as a “classic.”

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky My rating: 4 of 5 stars

There are chance meetings with strangers that interest us from the first moment, before a word is spoken.

#book review #classics #fyodor dostoyevsky #crime and punishment #russian literature #book club

4 notes · View notes

thebestestboyo · 5 years ago

Text

How Remus Started Working For Patton: Part Three

Masterpost

Tw: eating? I mean it mentions fries/Remus being Remus/Swearing/Panic attack

After these nights out, Remus usually enjoyed the feeling of being in control of his body. But this time, all he felt was sore. He had forgot all the stuff he did before he decided to flirt with a gang member. Several of which left bruises.

"I knew I shouldn't have picked a fight with that seagull."

"Which one is it that you hate again?" Virgil piped up from his spot on the couch, one of his earbuds out to listen for Remus. Ree couldn't see much of his face from how his dark bangs covered his eyes, the roots beginning to return to their natural blonde.

"That one with the black markings on it's back. It has a personal vendetta against me, I can FEEL IT."

"Or maybe you just keep provoking it? I keep telling you to stop trying to steal it's french fries, it's unsanitary, and, the french fries are cold and those are gross."

"But cold french fries are my favoriteeeeee."

"Then get some that aren't from a deranged seagull?"

"Ugh. That's no challenge though!" He hopped over the back of the couch, collapsing over Virg's legs. "I need to feel the rush of running away from an angry flock! Natural instincts! We as humans were made to hunt!"

"Not in this day and age. Species develop over time, and as far as I can remember, you can get french fries at any fast food joint." It was clear Virgil was humoring him, prodding at his face. "Though, I suppose it's better than you chasing after people for their french fries. I remember you used to do that when we were younger."

"Ugh, I would, but I got away with so much more things when I was small. Nowadays it's less like 'oh a rambunctious boy!' and more like 'what are you doing??? Why are you wearing a toga covered in marmalade and trying to take my fries?'"

Snickering, Virgil merely tweaked Remus's nose, before turning serious. Ree had expected this coming, it wasn't like Virg to let things go that easily. "As much as I love discussing how much of a gremlin you are, I still wanna talk to you about last night."

"Ughhhh but we were having such a nice timeeeeee."

"Remus."

"Fine. Its not like we can change anything about it! It already happened! And I got this weird-ass earring from it which may have brought me into a cult or whatever. And now I have to wear a different earring in the new piercing and clean it because otherwise will get infected!"

"..." Virgil merely raised an eyebrow, not amused at Remus's usual shenanigans.

"Okay I know I'm not taking this seriously, but come on. You have piercings. You know how new piercings are."

"This is serious though! What if they're planning to kidnap you or something??? What do we do then??"

This whole matter was clearly bothering him, and when Virgil got too stressed, it didn't exactly do wonders for his mental health.

"Hey. Its gonna be alright. Let's just..." Remus wracked his brain for something that might soothe him, finally coming upon a phrase he remembered Logan using when he was stuck on one of his experiments. "Think things through logically?"

Surprisingly, it did not end in Remus's ass getting kicked, and instead on a quiet Virgil, who simply nodded as he messed with his earbuds, trying to keep calm.

"So. What do we know."

"We know that these are dangerous people who know where we live."

"Ok, and we also know one of them is an absolute candied vescular organ!"

"You don't know for a fact that they're a sweetheart Remus." He wasn't even thrown off by Ree calling it that, clearly more anxious than he originally thought.

"I do! He was very..." Remus tried to think back to some of the phrases Roman used, since he couldn't use his own and have it sound good. "Charming. If you will."

"Oh boy, this gang member must be something if he has you borrowing words."

"Hey! I can use words like charming! It's not borrowing!"

"Uh huh sure. Next you'll be saying-"

He was cut off by the buzzing of their apartment's old doorbell, an outdated thing that sounded like drunk and angry hornets. Virgil absolutely hated it, resorting to knocking if he ever got locked out, while Remus delighted in it, annoying the other with the horrid sound whenever he came home.

"Who the fuck could that be?" Curious, Virgil gently pushed Remus off of him, going up to the door and attempting to see through the peephole, even though the glass was cloudy and cracked.

Ree saw him begin to fuss with his headphone wires, mouth pursing as he began to overthink who was on the other side. This always happened when they weren't expecting someone, and even when they were, it wasn't much better unless Remus got up and checked whoever it was first.

"Don't worry Virgy! I'll get the door."

"Oh thank god."

Unlatching the lock, he made sure to have Virgil move out of the way, joking that 'if you're standing right behind it, I might make your body into a pancake!' He was expecting their landlord, or perhaps a neighbor, and maybe even Logan or his brother, though that was doubtful. What he most certainly didn't expect, was-

"Patton?"

Pat was standing beside...someone? He wasn't exactly sure, but this guy was pretty tall, even considering Remus's own height. Tall, a little lanky, but there was something in Ree's instincts that told him that he'd lose to this guy in a fight, not even including that splotchy looking scar on his face.

But back to Patton, why was he here?

"Sorry for the sudden visit Remus, I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay after last night." Pat was fiddling with his hands as he spoke, delicate fingers picking at stray pieces of lint or something.

"Oh! Yeah, I had a bit of a hangover earlier, but otherwise I'm as right as a guy without his left hand!"

Oops. Tall dude was looking a little more sour at that. Maybe he should-

"Ha! Is it because he's got nothing left?" Patton giggled, cheeks flushing a little at his clever pun.

Ok, scratch that, whatever keeps Pat smiling was worth whatever that other guy was cooking up. To his surprise though, tall bro seemed pleased, glancing between them.

"Remus...." Virgil called from inside, voice shaking. That was a bad sign.

As much as he wanted to figure out the mystery man, and to talk with Pat, he knew that if he left Virgil alone right now, it wouldn't be good. Leaving the door open for the other two, he turned to see Virgil attempting to ground himself at the thought of these two strangers.

"Hey. Hey tarantula. Its all cool. Is touch good right now?"

A nod was the only response he got, which was better than nothing. Remus lifted Virgil up into his arms, letting him rest his head on his chest to hear his heartbeat.

"Can you try and match my breathing? 4-7-8 right?"

Another nod, and the clench of Virgil holding onto Remus's wrist.

It took a while, but eventually Virgil was calm enough to mumble to be let down from Remus's arms. Vee clearly wanted to rest after that, so he took him to his room, letting him lie down on the mattress before he went back to the other two, who he had forgotten to take care of beforehand.

"I had to take care of him." He wasn't about to apologise for watching after Vee, even if the big guy expected him to. "How about we talk outside? I wanna let him get some quiet after that."

Patton seemed stunned at this stark change, but nodded, and let Remus lock up the apartment before leading them down to the complex's garden. The other one didn't say anything, just wordlessly followed after.

When they were finally settled down in the outside seats, Patton burst out immediately. "I'm so sorry! We didn't mean to make your friend scared!"

"He'll be ok. He's never been especially good with new people. You're okay though Pat and...you are?"

Turning his head to glance over at the other guy, he was surprised to find that his eyes were different colors, one more of a dark brown, and the other yellow.

"Demetrius. But you know me as Dee."

"Ohhhhh you're that guy! That guy who lifted me!"

He seemed surprised that Remus remembered him, or maybe just that he wasn't pointing out the obvious here, that because of Dee and Pat, Remus was apperantly part of their gang.

"Yes, I am...that guy."

Patton stopped fussing with his overalls to look over at Dee, perking up at that answer. Did he even know how cute he was?? Sure, Virgil had said that he and this Dee guy were part of a gang, but he did not have the rights to be so impossibly pretty.

"You're probably wondering why you now have a tag in your ear, am I correct?" Dee cut into Remus's thoughts with his voice, stern.

"I assumed it wasn't just a kink thing." Winking at him, Ree leaned back against his chair, legs propped up on the table.

"No, it was not a 'kink thing.' It was to give you clearance into our home of sorts. Since Patton clearly-"

Remus couldn't tell exactly, but he though he saw Patton jabbed his arm into Dee's side? Or something?

"-wanted to talk to you more."

"Oh! Alright. I have no idea where you live."

"In hindsight, we should have told you about it. But first-" Dee pulled down the collar of his shirt, showing the beginning of a tattoo. An anaconda, wrapping around his neck and disappearing into his shirt. "-I assume you know who we are."

"Dee! That really isn't necessary!" Patton frowned, pinching at Dee's cheek like a mother would to a naughty child.

"We need to make sure he doesn't tell anyone!"

Rolling his eyes, Pat leaned over the small table, clasping Remus's hands in his. "We're not exactly on the police's good side you could say. We'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell them where we live?"

Was he making puppy eyes? And, were those sparkles on his cheeks or was Remus just seeing things??? He couldn't tell, the image of dissapointing Patton was too much for him either way. "Yeah, yeah sure."

"Wonderful!!!"

The sight of his smile was dizzying, god it felt more intoxicating than the strongest drug. Was this that heaven Roman was always going off about?

Dee cleared his throat, throwing Ree off again. How many times was he gonna interrupt his inner monologues??? "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to hurry this moment up. I have a meeting later, and watching you two stare into each other's eyes isn't the best use of my time."

"Dee!"

"Not much of a voyager huh?" Remus wasted no time clearing the air, attempting to ignore the way his own face was beginning to turn red.

"Considering it's my brother, no."

While both him and Virgil had confirmed it, it was difficult for Remus to accept it. There was a couple similarities, sure, the way that their jaws sloped into soft lines, their hands, both worn with use, and their curly brown hair. But the glint in their eyes was different, not to mention the scars that seemed to line Dee more frequently than Pat, at least from what Remus could see.

"Can I grab my phone?"

"...grab your roommate too."

"What?"

"So he knows where you are."

"I'll see if he's okay, but it's not a guarantee."

Surprisingly, Virgil was already calm enough to answer Remus. "What the fuck would they want with me???"

"The big guy, Dee, said it's so you know where I am. I guess they'll want to suck out our brains together!"

"...as if they'd get anything from you. Your head is empty."

It was surprising that Virgil didn't fight about it, by his reaction earlier, Ree was almost certain that he wouldn't come.

The four met back up downstairs, Patton already chatting up a storm with Remus, leaving Virgil and Dee walking beside each other.

"What do you want with Remus?" Hushed, Virgil watched his friend and...Patton, walking ahead, the two already gushing to each other about who knows what.

"Oh I want nothing with Remus. My brother on the other hand has taken a liking to him."

"And that's enough to straight up make him part of your gang???"

Virgil couldn't believe this guy. Who the fuck does that??? Shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket, he continued staring ahead, not wanting to have to look at him.

"Well, I'd like to see you try and resist him. He can be very...persuasive."

"Oh am I gonna have to worry about him threatening me too?"

Demetrius (he felt weird thinking of him with the informal title of 'Dee,' when he already hated this guy's guts) seemed to bristle at that, and from the corner of his eye Virgil could tell he was glaring at him.

"Patton would never threaten someone!"

"Listen, considering your guys' jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if he did."

"Well if you're such a smart-ass, then why did you come along?"

"To make sure my friend didn't turn up on the news by the end of the day, why else?"

Demetrius shrugged off his leather jacket as they all walked, probably due to the afternoon heat. Virgil snuck a look over at him, about to make fun of him before he noticed that Oh Lord He Was Fit. He looked so lanky before though??? Where did those arms come from???

Demetrius didn't seem to notice Virgil's stare, or if he did, he ignored it, tying the jacket around his waist. "I doubt he'd be dead. You on the other hand, would not fare well under the gang."

"Oh you think I'd be useless???"

"No, just your pretty-boy ass would get torn to shreds."

"Oh so now you're saying I'm pretty." It was mocking, but he couldn't help a twinge of curiosity. Demetrius was handsome after all, even if he was a gang leader. But that was no excuse for him to fantasize! He probably killed people!

"Wha- no!!!"

"Mmhm sure."

The two continued bickering behind Patton and Remus's backs, the odd group traversing the city until they reached...well...home.

It certainly was going to be interesting...

#ts virgil #ts patton #ts deceit #sanders sides #sanders side fic #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #gang au #potential anxciet?

39 notes · View notes

farmerlan · 5 years ago

Text

Farmer Lan’s Rewatch Guide to The Untamed - Episode 13

And then I said I wasn’t flirting. You know, like a liar.

episode masterlist here

SPOILER WARNING!

[Wei Wuxian asks, again, if Lan Wangji’s leg is fine, and doesn’t take no for an answer. He offers to piggyback Lan Wangji, but is brusquely declined. He sends a message to Wen Qing to ask for a break - Wen Qing grants his wish, but Wen Chao cottons on and warns Wen Qing about her intentions.

Wang Lingjiao orders the cultivators to find the cave, and we also learn a little more about her background. They find the Xuanwu cave due to Wei Wuxian’s talisman. While walking inside, Mianmian slips and is caught by Jin Zixuan. Wen Chao lashes out at them with his whip, but Jin Zixuan blocks it for Mianmian. Wen Chao reminds them all of his superiority and then proceeds to kick Wei Wuxian down a cliff edge. He is helped up by Lan Wangji and the rest of the gang follow (lol Jin Zixuan says he’d rather be down here than watching the ‘mean couple insult us’ <- Netflix subs but mean is such a softer way of translating what he actually calls them, which is pretty close to ‘bastard couple’)]

Differences from the novel:

The novel went way faster on this part of the story because it was focused on the later wangxian part haha.

As discussed in Episode 12, Wei Wuxian never actually offers to piggyback Lan Wangji because he never got the chance to. :(

Wen Qing doesn’t appear in the Xuanwu arc at all.

Guys, guys, guys, listen. I know baby Wei Wuxian is a pro at using the talisman but - some rando found the cave entrance in the novel.

The Wen Chao scenes here don’t happen. Mianmian doesn’t slip, Wen Chao doesn’t go on a deranged rant, doesn’t whip or kick anyone (wow, he is almost pleasant in the novel). Jin Zixuan actually volunteers to go first, and they all reach the pond without any incident.

[They arrive at the Xuanwu pond and Wang Lingjiao volunteers Mianmian to be the human bait - Jin Zixuan stands up for her, but Wen Chao insists that he delivers Mianmian to him. When he hesitates, some Jin disciples attempt to make a move, but are foiled by Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan. A fight breaks out and Wei Wuxian recites Wen Mao’s teachings back to Wen Chao, who doesn’t recognize it at all and is made a fool by Wei Wuxian. They fight but right as Wen Zhuliu is about to come to his rescue, Wei Wuxian takes Wen Chao hostage with a sword to his neck.]

Differences from the novel:

This scene plays fairly close to the novel, including Wei Wuxian’s badass recitation of the Wen sect teachings back to Wen Chao. Some minor differences:

Both Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji initially stand up to protect Mianmian upon hearing Wen Chao’s intention to capture her and use her as human bait.

It’s actually Su She who attempts to capture Mianmian but he is foiled by Lan Wangji. Although he doesn’t actually say anything, his eyes clearly convey his anger on behalf of the Lan sect for having such a traitorous disciple. For shame, Su She! You immoral scum!

[Right at that moment, the xuanwu appears, disturbed by the movements on his carapice. Wen Chao, dumbassTM that he is, causes a disturbance and everyone’s attention is turned to fighting the monster. In the meantime, Wang Lingjiao attempts to brand Mianmian’s face with the Wen sect’s branding iron, but is saved by Wei Wuxian. The Wen sect makes their escape and cuts off all of the ropes and blocks the exit.

As the cultivators try to figure out an alternative plan, Wei Wuxian hurries to comfort Mianmian, who is feeling guilty for causing Wei Wuxian’s injury. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji astutely observes that there must be another entrance, due to the presence of maple leaves in the cave without any maple trees.]

Differences from the novel:

Honestly, not a whole lot! The drama pretty much depicts what happens in the novel.

[They distract the tortoise to give Jiang Cheng a chance to investigate the underwater exit, and everyone proceeds to escape - but Mianmian trips and the scent of her blood agitates the tortoise. Lan Wangji decides to stay back to help Wei Wuxian distract it, but his leg is bitten in the process. They run into a small tunnel to hide until the tortoise loses interest.]

Differences from the novel:

Mianmian doesn’t trip, but the tortoise does get agitated by the scent of blood. In the novel, Su She attempts to shoot an arrow at the tortoise as he retreats, but misses and strikes Wei Wuxian’s arm instead (BRAVO!). Wei Wuxian doesn’t think before pulling out the arrow, but then immediately realizes what he has done as the scent of his blood fills the air. Lan Wangji pushes him aside right as the tortoise lunges for him and ends up getting severely bitten in the leg.

The tortoise then attempts to swallow Lan Wangji whole. Wei Wuxian stops this by literally clutching on to its teeth and forcing its jaws apart. As Lan Wangji falls into the water, so does Wei Wuxian, and he immediately carries Lan Wangji to shore and into the tunnels - so he does get to piggyback Lan Wangji after all! Hilariously, their dialogue at this point goes:

Lan Wangji: You?! (somewhat surprised that Wei Wuxian was able to manage all of that while being injured)

Wei Wuxian: Of course it’s me - are you pleasantly surprised?! :))))

Lan Wangji: What is pleasant about this? Put me down!

[Wei Wuxian rips off the sect ribbon from Lan Wangji’s forehead and uses it to make a tourniquet for him. He then proceeds to strip (and also attempts to strip Lan Wangji) as a tactic to shock Lan Wangji into spitting out the stale blood within his body. Upon realizing what he was trying to do, Lan Wangji thanks him, and then proceeds to press some of the medicine into Wei Wuxian’s own chest wound from the iron and tells him off for being brash.

Wei Wuxian plays it cool and says it’s fine for a man to have some scars, especially if it was for protecting a girl - a girl who will likely remember him forever. Lan Wangji says that since he knows she’ll remember him, then he should not go around teasing people he’s not serious about. Wei Wuxian accuses him of liking...Mianmian (WRONG target dude) and Lan Wangji’s like ...why am I stuck here talking to you.

Wei Wuxian plans their exit strategy, but Lan Wangji says there won’t be anyone from his sect coming since the Cloud Recesses went up in flames. Wei Wuxian is stunned into silence and asks after his family. Lan Wangji reveals that Lan Qiren is heavily injured and Lan Xichen has gone missing. Wei Wuxian offers him his outer robe, but sees that he is already asleep, and secretly worries about Jiang Cheng and Yunmeng.]

Differences from the novel:

This scene in particular plays out in greater detail in the novel. In general, Lan Wangji talks/interacts a LOT more in this scene in the novel. In the drama, he’s visibly emotional, but still fairly reserved. In the novel, even Wei Wuxian notices that he is in an unusually foul mood, and way more easily provoked than usual - he eventually finds out why.

The PUSHING. After the stripping and the blood vomiting happens, Wei Wuxian uses the herbs in Mianmian’s medicinal sachet instead of what he obtained from Wen Ning for Lan Wangji’s wounds. They have the conversation around Wei Wuxian’s general flirtatious attitude like they do in the drama, but Lan Wangji gets really mad as he exclaims “So you know that you’ll remain on her mind forever!” and literally shoves Wei Wuxian, who falls onto the ground.

The BANTER. In the novel, it’s gotten to the point where he is straight up squabbling with Wei Wuxian. Just look at this exchange right before he bites Wei Wuxian.

LWJ: Don’t tease other people if you aren’t serious about their feelings. Your casual words and actions may mean nothing to you, but it riles up others!

WWX: It’s not like I’m teasing you, so why are you getting riled up? Unless…

LWJ: Unless what?

WWX: Unless you like Mianmian!

-pause-

LWJ *coldly*: Please stop spouting nonsense.

WWX: Fine, I’ll start spouting onesense instead. (It’s a pun on the Chinese idiom, 胡说八道, which LWJ just used.)

LWJ: Is this entertaining for you, this kind of wordplay?

WWX: Super entertaining. Also, not only am I quick with words, I’m quick with my abilities too.

LWJ: ...Why am I sitting here talking crap with you???

The BITING. Upon concluding the above dialogue, Lan Wangji straight up sinks his teeth into the crook of Wei Wuxian elbow and refuses to let go. Like a dog. In fact, Wei Wuxian scolds him for acting like a dog and runs to the other side of the cave HA. And then he follows this up...by thanking Wei Wuxian, who at this point is just straight out flabbergasted at what is going on.

The CRYING. I mentioned previously in Ch 12 - Lan Wangji’s father was still alive and the sect leader at this time, and Lan Wangji reveals that he is fighting to stay alive. At this point, Wei Wuxian freezes, because although he knew Qingheng-Jun was injured, he wasn’t aware that it was that serious, so this was new information, and he finally understands why Lan Wangji has been acting out this whole time. When he turns to look at Lan Wangji again, he sees tear streaks on his face - and instantly feels afraid and powerless. He internally narrates that with men like Lan Wangji, they would probably only ever cry a handful of times in their lifetime, yet he didn’t know how to comfort him given the situation. So he just calls Lan Wangji’s name, but Lan Wangji tells him to shut up - and then adds, “Wei Ying, you really are an annoying person.” Ouch. Wei Wuxian feels infinitely worse that Lan Wangji has to deal with his presence on top of all this grief, and so only stays far away from him after offering him his undergarments to keep warm.(1)

Overall thoughts:

(1) This is his set of inner robes, the layer that goes against his skin. He thought about giving Lan Wangji his outer robes, but decided against it because it was filthy and he knew the Lan sect emphasized cleanliness. But also, nobody is missing the subtext here...

All in all, this is the definitive scene that we can all point to as the time when Lan Wangji.exe stopped functioning. I was re-reading the Xuanwu arc for the purpose of recapping Episode 13 and this realization hit me that like, holy shit, if I were to put my bets on when Lan Wangji started having/realizing his feelings for Wei Wuxian, this would be it.

Specifically, this is when Lan Wangji loses control. We all know how important control is to Lan Wangji - it’s part of the asceticism and self-governance expected of him as a Lan sect disciple, and he embodies this even more so than anyone else. Never a hair out of place, never a word that comes out of his mouth that hasn’t already been thought through. To allow himself to be provoked to this extent, to let someone see him so completely vulnerable - I know he was in a fragile state, but I don’t think he would have displayed this side of him to just anyone. After all, he gritted his teeth through the entire time he was at the Wen sect. So, I don’t know, Lan Zhan, why are you sitting around bullshitting with Wei Ying? Hmmmm?

23 notes · View notes

spogwam · 4 years ago

Text

Film Narrative 2 - 3

Critical Reflection - Fiction Project

My Influences and Inspiration

I found inspiration in the original idea of a deranged, delusional “detective” who turns out to be a kind of pseudo-vigilante from many different sources.

George Romero’s “Martin” - I found Martin’s character, a sick, evil man who is perfectly normal on the outside to be of great inspiration. The scene in which he breaks into a couple’s home and only one of the couple know that something is wrong made me think of a similar concept but with the audience being the only one in the know.

True Detective (Season 1 only) - The interrogation scenes in this show are phenomenally written, with the revealing of truths and story elements so subtly hinted at through its performances. The power dynamics in these kind of scenes interested me, making me envision similar scenes except with a morally corrupt psychopath in the place of a troubled police detective.

Paris, Texas - The idea of a conversation in which only one character can truly see the other was helpful in developing my ideas. Also the iconic nature of this film’s dialogue scenes towards the end between two characters in entirely different circumstances and spaces helped inspire my creativity more generally.

My Contribution and Role

I was the director for this assignment and so took responsibility for producing three of the seven pre-production documents, managing other’s progress within the group as well as organising meetings. My progress and more details of my work within the group can be found in my prior two posts on this module.

Feedback

Every criticism our work received was perfectly valid, although unfortunately old drafts were submitted in place of the most recent ones. Although these criticisms applied to these submitted drafts, many of the points of criticism were in fact corrected in the final drafts. There was some confusion in the final work submitted, with some work also omitted, and as the director I should have concentrated more on whether the submitted material was correct than whether my own document was perfect when it came to the crunch. I have definitely learnt where to better put my priorities in a leading key role like I have had.

Key points of criticism and responses:

Our script was given a C- which is something we all felt was harsh, feeling it was a story with great potential written with passionate creativity. The use of consistent profanity was a main issue and I can definitely understand this point. It didn’t add very much to the character and I think it would be a greater achievement to either leave the profanity to a key intense moment or leave it out, leaving the film just as shocking and thought-provoking but more accessible. These are points I should’ve thought to bring forward in the development stage.

An older draft of the shot list with 42 shots was submitted instead of the current draft sitting at 40 shots. This led to a lack of connection between the shot list, the storyboard and the marked-up script submitted. This was an easily fixed issue and perhaps giving only one person out of five members of a group the task of submitting everything was not a good call by us and a problem I should have foreseen. The point of actually submitting all the work should have been a more prominent point of discussion.

On a more positive note, our final edits were greatly received, without any major issues such as continuity. Minor issues in sound and shot length were highlighted in our criticisms and I was dead chuffed to have our group produce three varied yet equally competent edits, especially seeing as most groups only produced one.

Group Seven and Conclusion

It has been a blessing to be working in Group Seven in this semester so far, every group meeting has been amazing fun: a free space for wild creativity in which no one slacks behind or takes things overly seriously. There were absolutely some silly oversights towards the end of our pre-production work, which might have come about because we were having too fun, but I regardless should have remained on top of the co-ordination of everyone's submissions more. I look forward to working again with these talented individuals on the next, independent project, having grown as a director and filmmaker in general by having made these mistakes and learning from them.

1 note · View note

emeraldtawny · 6 years ago

Text

Why I Love The 7 of Hearts

...I said I would do it. And now that it has officially been one month since his route release, the official banner for spoilers is now lifted! That being said, I’ll put a disclaimer now: I will be talking about key aspects and spoilers from Kyle’s route. Be warned.

Alright, now onto my thesis. Title: Why Kyle Ash Is My Favourite Otome Husband To Date - An Incredibly Biased Review, by Tawny ^w^

Part 1: Before his route

Before we talk about the actual route itself, let me explain to you guys why this man already had my heart before even getting to date him. I’ll be honest; when the game first came out, he was already in my top 3 but he was not the best boi (that went to Fenrir and stayed like that for a bit). That is, until I played through Lancelot’s route. Being able to get more interactions with Kyle gave me more insight into the kind of person he is, and I honestly liked what I saw. He condemned Lancelot for throwing his life away needlessly without concern for his safety (important note to come back to) and made it clear that his affiliation with the Red Army didn’t mean anything when there are lives on the line (another impotant point to revisit). I honestly respected that about him and sure enough, he snuck his way into top spot and has stayed there since. And if I’m being real, his route has completely solidified that. He ain’t moving. Ever.

Personal Rambling #1

Okay, now comes the fun part hehehe >:3

With the question “did you enjoy Kyle’s route?”, is there an option for “everything” and also “yes yes yes, holy shit yes”? Because, Kyle’s route is a big fat YES out of 10 for me, and I say that as unbiasedly as possible. I noticed that there didn’t seem to be any dev notes released before Kyle’s route dropped (my poor boi getting shafted :c), so allow me to give you my own variation:

Kyle

Recommended if you like: Yukimura (brusque yet sweet, kind of an idiot but means well) and Mitsunari (oblivious genius)

Sexy…7

Drama…7

Romance…9

Dev Notes: For a man so smart, he’s awfully clueless when it comes to you. This weirdly approachable doctor may lack tact, but that doesn’t stop the blood pressures rising and the hearts racing - both yours and his. Get ready for an angst road bump at part 20 (as well as his Dramatic Ending), but rest assured that the doctor is here to see you now.

When I say he’s a combo of Yuki and Mitsunari, I’m not kidding. He’s basically Yuki without the full-on tsun tendencies (he has a few, but you could call it more embarrassment and awkwardness compared to being a tsundere) and then a touch of Mitsunari’s infuriating obliviousness and bam, you got Kyle!

I won’t give a synopsis of the route, since you’ve all likely read it or know most of the story (why on earth are you reading this far in otherwise?) so allow me to share with you, my personal favourite chapters/parts of his route!

Chapter 7 - the first (and definitely not last) instance of a blushing Kyle in his natural habitat. Bonus for glasses uwu

Chapter 14 - the introduction of Goo, the new best pet in Cradle (sorry Chutney). Legit, I recorded that entire section where Kyle and MC are naming Goo and I was just squeeing like a deranged lunatic because I loved it so much like bdjxbgdkfnxfkd

Chapter 24 (His POV) - DRUNK KYLE POV. Of course, he’s still cognitive to have proper thoughts, it wasn’t Masamune levels of drunkenness. But...jealous Kyle. That right there is a rarity but WOW, it’s a treat ;3

Towards the end of the route when MC finds Kyle’s confession written on his freaking hand (Kyle you doof) and just...him burying his amused smile into the crook of his elbow when she says she likes someone…..HNNNNNGGGGGGG yes

Part 2: Character Development

This man has such strong convictions to his profession that it’s honestly admirable. He may only have one pillar to stand on, but that pillar is strong and immovable. I’m of course talking about this line: “I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives”. Sound familiar at all? Remind you of...a certain Red King? Honestly though, this commitment to his work as a doctor when he seems to do nothing else except drink himself into a stupor most nights (if not every night) is awe-inspiring, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.

The MC in Kyle’s route is my new favourite. I love how the romance she develops for Kyle starts off as simple admiration, just her wanting to follow in his footsteps and prove useful to people without provoking the war occurring around her. She’s grounded and has a clear purpose, which is refreshing compared to other iterations of her being more meek and more better categorised as a “damsel in distress”. Don’t get me wrong, I”m not criticising those types of MCs. It’s just nice to see a driven MC with a clear goal and a motive for why she wants to do the things she does, enough for her to stay longer than the allotted month (something NONE OF THE OTHER ROUTES DO, HELL YEAH KYLE!). She actively chose to stay in Cradle - even when her ticket home was right in front of her - because she wanted to help Kyle save lives. It’s refreshing. And it makes for some great interactions between her and Kyle, especially later in the route when they’re more comfortable with each other. Which leads me onto my next point…

It felt like a real relationship. The slow growth and blooming of feelings, the cute interactions they’d share (every time Kyle stroked her hair or bopped her on the head, my heart exploded into confetti), and how awkward they both were with each other. God, if you guys could have seen me reading his route with my dumb dopey grin and squeaking like a lovesick children’s toy every 10 seconds...I was a mess gielkdsnglkd.

I love how they let us see into Kyle’s world. It may be a simple outlook on life, but you can’t fault the man. His strong conviction to save as many lives as he can because he feels it’s what he was made to do, and his importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (remember the line “People are like mirrors.”. It’s important.). He’s a very “my pace” kind of person, and it was fun to just kind of...relax a bit. Sure, war preparations were happening but wait one moment, please. I need to educate Jonah on what is needed for a balanced nutritious breakfast. It was refreshing to see a route that was surprisingly chill for most of it until the ending crescendo, and I welcomed it.

Alright….angst time. All of the little hints we were getting, like his role of the 7 of Hearts not being “set in stone”, had me squinting at the screen like “boi, what you hiding?”. When we got to drinking with Kyle, Oliver and Blanc and the conversation of Kyle having a brother came up, I was like “....oh. This is gonna be baaad.”. And this wasn’t even including Colin (because when a character gets named, you know they’re important.). But…..Chapter 20. It actually came out of left field, sucker-punched me in the kidney, cracked my heart and left me crying as I’m just reading this whole thing unfolding. Colin’s heartbroken cries, Kyle’s unmoving unresponsive form as he lets Colin punch him, the symbolism and connection of both Kyle and Colin having lost an older brother because of the war. I’m….. ;~; aaaaaa. And then in the Avatar Challenge following the angst, MC throws the “people are like mirrors” line back at him to get him to break down a bit, to let some emotion out, and I was just a blubbering mess at this point. The route is generous enough to give you a floof and mild spice break, but then if you choose the Dramatic Ending…..you…..you visit...his brother’s grave...and the waterworks begin again.

Continuing on from the point above, this means Kyle also has connections with The Day That Went Dark, along with Fenrir and more importantly, Ray. From the way it was described in Kyle’s route, he himself doesn’t know for certain if Ray used magic or not. He only knows that Ray was there when shit went down. So even after his brother passed from the tragedy, Kyle held no animosity or desire for revenge against Ray; very fitting for his character. This route made me realise just how similar Kyle and Ray are: they’re both very determined in their ways to keep the peace and they both hold strong to their views of freedom and honesty (Ray and Kyle respectively). And you can tell that Kyle doesn’t hold it against Ray for whatever happened on The Day That Went Dark.

I would honestly love to see a scenario of the two of them sitting down together in a room and just awkwardly yet honestly expressing all of their pent-up emotions about that whole ordeal (angst writers, if you’re reading this...only if you want to ofc ^w^).

Personal Rambling #2: Gushing Edition

So those were my structured notes, but now let me indulge you on my messy bullet points that I made throughout reading his route. A lot of these are pointless to character building and things I just thought were cute and needed attention drawn to sooo….ye ^w^

Like the rest of the Red Army, Kyle was born into a family that carries the mantle of 7 of hearts. All of them doctors.

Cute theme of beds??? (his bday story and them sleeping in the same room)

“When he wasn’t talking, he’s actually quite attractive.” (wow, r00d)

His palm notes are work and other things related (and he doesn’t always remember why he wrote it down bgrkdgn)

Not a sweet tooth (dammit Kyle, that’s your only downfall :c)

Easily embarrassed despite his earnest and straightforward mannerisms

Doesn’t dote on MC and teaches her what he can

His importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (“People are like mirrors.” - ch 8)

Head pats. Lots of head pats

Awkward sweet love (kill me it’s too adorable)

Edgar’s silent envy yet sweet support of their romance (this boi istg…)

Super proactive MC (she’s my new fave, seriously I love her)

Lots of touching (head pats, forehead bonks), he doesn’t know what personal space is (and I love it)

His pig is the cutest thing in the entire world, I need 20

Really good with kids…...yes.

“I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives” (incredibly strong convictions - doesn’t have many, but the ones he does have he is incredibly dedicated to)

Stays longer than the allotted month (FUCK YES)

His brother’s death strengthened his convictions to be able to handle being an army doctor (direct and honest, no bs about sacrificing your life etc etc)

The “People are like mirrors” line is tearing my fucking heart apart (makes sense in chapter 20 avatar challenge)

The angst…..his brother...and Colin….I’m rdfkgndkjfnxclk ;-;

His realisation of love….and his confession….lord, IM DROWNING IN UWUS

Saving Amon despite him murdering many innocent people, a big decision that could have changed the tide for the future, but he stuck with his beliefs

MC’s insistence that Kyle doesn’t like her that way, and Kyle’s inability to realise it’s love (help me it’s so fucking cute I’m dying)

Whether intentional or not, he’s good at diverting the attention away from him when he wants it off him (maybe MC just assumes he’s an idiot?? lmao)

So his glasses are for sentimental reasons (but does he need them???) and his alcohol drinking habits are from his father (not a coping mechanism)

Incredibly kind...but not good at showing it (helping MC distract herself by giving her work(?))

MC’s obsession with Kyle’s eyes and collarbone (same sis, SAME) and Kyle’s obsession with her hair (fsekfbksfnjweksdgn kd,nAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Conclusion

Overall, Kyle’s route is very solid. It may not add much to the overarching lore of Cradle (aside from another victim in The Day That Went Dark), but the route was still adorable, enjoyable and incredibly sweet. I had no moments where I felt bored throughout his route (then again, that’s likely the bias talking) and the balance between cute floof, tear-jerking angst and then hot hot spice (that he FULLY deserves, mind you) came together into a wonderful experience that left my heart full and sad when it all ended.

My final message to you all: Kyle Ash is the sweetest, most adorkable nerd that has ever graced my presence and I hope that even a tiny portion of my love for him rubs off on you, just so you can see how amazing this boi is. Thank you for your time and for listening to my ramblings gesgnsk ^^;;

Bonus: my two favourite screenshots from his route

#ikerev #kyle ash #tawny loves kyle #my kyle thesis #I was ready to post this like a week ago but I held myself off gksehdhgbks #tawny rambles

134 notes · View notes

yobaba30 · 5 years ago

Link

Brace yourself, dear reader, for today’s topic is rage. Not just any garden-variety rage, but its narcissistic kind, one of the darkest and most destructive manifestations of our Shadow.

A narcissist’s rage is always there, sometimes barely under the surface, sometimes hovering above it in the form of sadistic cruelties dispensed casually without specific reason, just because (that stupid dog was in my way, you are so fat and ugly, only idiots park their cars in this spot, and no one talks to me like that — any or no reason would do). There are, however, solid enough explanations of its existence.

You may have heard of Donald Trump’s very bad day the other Tuesday — or rather what would have been a very bad day for any normal person / presidential candidate confronted with his inaccuracies and lies. For Donald, however, it was just Tuesday as usual, complete with playing the Perpetual Victim™ of the Cruel and Unforgiving Press, and humiliating people who dared to question him about these pesky things known as facts.

The sordid as usual spectacle was instructive, as is everything else coming from the man, in the dynamics of narcissistic pathology.

First, the bombast. His over-the-top pronouncements about his huuuge charitable efforts are meant to shock and awe the audience into unquestioning submission.

Second, should any audience member retain his or her bearings and still manage to persist in their questioning, next comes the unloading of the massive victimhood complex designed to cow them into silence filled, presumably, with commiseration and appreciation for the Put Upon Donny and His Unique Suffering (and, oh, how he suffers! only a narcissist can suffer so — you mere mortals / losers cannot possibly comprehend it).

Third — since, remarkably enough, the first two options did not quite work, a sign perhaps that some of the press members are growing spines — there followed a predictable, but still shocking, dose of sadism in the form of insults, direct and less so, meant to shut everyone up for good.

It is instructive to watch The Donald, who epitomizes dishonesty and sleaze, rage at the reporters for being “dishonest” and call them sleazy — for trying to extract some honesty and truth from him. He shames them — or futilely attempts to, given that his moral standing is non-existent and reality is decidedly not on his side — with the ease and force that indicates the extent of his own fear of shame.

This sequelae, seen above, in response to shame is classic for any narcissist, especially one of this extreme caliber, for very obvious reasons:

The narcissist tends to be very sensitive to shame, which he perceives as humiliation: a blow to his ego (sense of self) and/or a threat to what he sees as his important status compared to others. This sensitivity is the reason why he tends to lash out at those who shame or appear to shame him in any way. His reactions to shame are grossly disproportionate to the “offense;” he will hold grudges and seek revenge sometimes till death, his own or his “offender’s,” whichever comes first. Hell hath no fury like a narcissist scorned.

Shame is so difficult for a narcissist to tolerate because it arises from an exposure of some flaw of his to others. He has many serious shortcomings; but in his own eyes he is perfect and surpasses everyone else, as he will let you know time and again, directly and not. He must retain this grandiose delusion of superiority and perfection at all costs because this is all he has. His bigger than life persona hides an empty inner core, devoid of meaningful values and attachments. A prick of shame exposing any flaws in the narcissist’s façade has a potential of deflating it and effectively destroying him since there is nothing of substance to fall back on within his inner world.

The rage with which a narcissist reacts to shame or humiliation thus deflects attention from his inner emptiness. That rage is often a predominant emotion, particularly in a narcissist who feels chronically deprived of the admiration and perks he believes he deserves (and as his need for admiration and perks is bottomless, so then is his sense of deprivation). It does not take much to provoke it: a simple, neutral observation or a request can suddenly unleash it on an unsuspecting victim.

The vehement defense against shame is also another reason why a narcissist never takes responsibility for his behavior. Why should he anyway, when he’s perfect and does no wrong? Nothing is ever his fault, no matter how great a mess he creates. Responsibility is always projected outwards, onto others, as blame. Admitting his culpability in anything could lead to shame and cracks in the false façade that defines his character — and his ego won’t allow that. It is a matter of life and death, ‘psychically’ speaking.

The flip side of his shame intolerance is his desire to humiliate others. It comes as naturally to him as breathing. He derives pleasure from inflicting on others the kind of pain he himself wants to avoid at all costs. Humiliating other people is almost as satisfying as winning. It helps that the two often go together in the narcissist’s life. In fact, humiliating others is itself a win. And he likes to win.

What we have seen in Donald’s behavior was a relatively mild version of narcissistic aggression in response to shame, but it gives us a glimpse of what’s beneath it. We are still in the wooing phase, and Donald is, believe it or not, on his best behavior.

He is still The Charming Donald (or what passes for charming in Trumpland), trying to curry our favor and votes. If he makes it into the White House, then we will get to know his true self, unhampered by all these frivolous niceties.

We must appreciate the often sadistic and always revealing quality of insults dished out by The Donald at the people who try to confront him with reality, because, in the Freudian-slippage way, they expose his shadow — take this one, directed at ABC’s Tom Llamas on Tuesday:

You’re a sleaze because you know the facts and you know the facts well.

In this breathtaking attack, The Donald conveyed more than he wished. While his intent was to imply that he was being unfairly (but of course) criticized by the reporter who should know better, he let us know, Freudian-slippage style, what we have observed time and again: that reality as we know it with its pesky facts is optional — and threatening — for him, because he lives in his own version of it, where we all should join him (if we knew what’s good for us).

This again ties in with his pathological defense against shame. A narcissist’s facts and facts as most of us know them are distinctly incompatible, and you bring it up at your own risk.

Should the truth — those inconvenient realities of his life and his character as the rest of us see them — be revealed, he would be emotionally annihilated, so he cannot allow that. Yes, a narcissist would kill, easily, to protect his fragile ego from this unforgivable, to him, insult of the truth.

That narcissistic rage attacks can be deadly we see in, for example, the tragic and seemingly incomprehensible instances of lethal domestic violence where a narcissistically injured spouse, usually a husband, lashes out at his wife who may have offended him “for the last time” by confronting him with some imperfection of his (as in, Would you take your shoes off the table, please?). We can also see it, brazenly displayed, in the lives of genocidal tyrants. Saddam Hussein, for instance, was known to invite his advisers to give him honest feedback, and then execute those who took the honest part seriously. Ditto Stalin.

The epidemic of gun violence in the US, particularly mass shootings — a persistent clamoring of our Shadow to pay attention to its presence, something we equally persistently refuse to do — is also driven largely by narcissistic rage. During a news conference several days ago about the UCLA shooter, the chief of LAPD said the following:

Everybody tries to look for a good reason for this. There is no good reason for this. This is a mental issue, mental derangement.

He was correct that there is no good reason for this and that “mental derangement” is the cause — but we should learn to identify and name this specific mental derangement, called aggrieved entitlement, which is a form of narcissistic rage, already. Our failure to do so, repeatedly and with the kind of stubbornness that suggests willful blindness, is deadly. Whatever other difficulties the UCLA shooter may have experienced, we can assume with a fair degree of certainty that narcissistic entitlement and rage were among them, as it is nearly always the case. For it takes a grand dose of faith in one’s specialness to believe that one has a right to take another’s life — or many — in revenge for whatever slights, real or imagined, one may have experienced.

Tom Llamas’ offense, like those unlucky honest Hussein’s advisers, was, in addition to confronting Trump with cold facts about his charitable inactivities, ignoring those central facts that comprise the narcissist’s reality:

It is not, however, as though his understanding of himself and the world is entirely fact-free. There are three major facts around which his whole reality is organized:

1. I am great.

2. People unfairly malign me.

3. I will show them (they will pay).

Those are not just beliefs — they are facts etched deep in his psyche, and they evoke corresponding emotional states of 1. grandiose pride, 2. sense of victimhood and resentment, 3. desire for revenge, all of which form the core of his sense of self and motivate his actions.

“You’re a sleaze because you know the facts and you know the facts well” — the real facts, about the narcissist’s unsurpassed and unquestioned greatness — and you choose to ignore them. You will pay.

Trump’s gratuitous putdowns hint at the reservoir of narcissistic rage within. If physical violence (or a lawsuit) is not an option, sadistic insults will do. We all remember his gleeful mockery of a disabled reporter; yesterday, he gave us another example when talking about John Kerry’s accident in France last year:

He goes into a bicycle race, and he breaks his leg, and he’s incapacitated. And you know what they’re saying to each other? ‘How dumb is this guy? How dumb?’

The crowd laughed, as WaPo reports.

Narcissistic rage is easily evoked by the weakness of others, which the narcissist finds contemptible and deserving punishment, sometimes giving us hints at his own early traumas he may have experienced as a weak and helpless child at mercy of his harsh and/or cruel caretakers.

It also gives us a close look at other aspects of his shadow. Here is what Trump said about Hillary Clinton this week:

She’s a total mess, she’s unstable, and she can’t be president.

And how he responded when asked why he engaged in Twitter wars with Elizabeth Warren:

Because she is a nasty person, a terrible senator, and it drives her crazy.

These grade-school level barbs, which, like everything else that comes from the man’s mouth, are based on projection, tell us most about his shadow, facts which he does not want to — cannot, at a risk of grave injury — acknowledge of himself: that he is a nasty person, a total mess, unstable, terrible at his job (whatever it really is), and easily driven crazy by petty insults and criticisms. Oh, and that he can’t be president. If only Donald listened to his shadow…

Narcissistic rage is one of the darkest and deadliest forces known to mankind. Before it erupts, it usually simmers and percolates for a long time, fueled by resentment, envy and entitlement, the latter always aggrieved as the narcissist’s need for adulation and glory is insatiable and he can see the world populated by the undeserving, inferior people who nevertheless dare to be happier and/or more successful than he is. It thus creates enemies out of the innocent and often weak who become vessels for the narcissist’s hateful and envious projections.

These sustained projections form a basis of an attitude called the narcissism of minor differences, first described by Freud, where we exaggerate small differences in people who are our neighbors — their dress, the shape of their noses, etc. — in order to feel superior to them and exclude them from our group. This attitude, like anything else based on fear and hatred, easily infects others, already narcissistically predisposed; and the sharing makes the hateful projections grow and spread. The co-existent phenomenon of collective narcissism, which intensifies the in-group ties (and which is unsurprisingly associated with authoritarianism) at the expense of excluding and demonizing those who do not belong to our group, strengthens this pathological, but common and predictable enough process.

Once established as a more or less legitimate shared worldview, the narcissism of minor differences leads to an easy dehumanization of The Other, entrenched in racism and other forms of prejudice. It culminates in mob actions, gang violence, terrorism, and endless internal conflicts and wars, which — because of their grand scale and the magnitude of destruction — are the ultimate expressions of narcissistic rage and the deadliest manifestations of our Shadow.

And we allow this to happen.

Much cyberink has been spilled on analyzing Trump’s enduring appeal to American voters, and lauding his purported political mastery. This predictable but misguided adulation that stems from widespread narcissistic collusion and denial it creates (and the other way around) is exactly what the narcissist desires and aims at extracting from others.

It is unforgivable that our media not only legitimize this destructive individual, but imbue him with all kinds of special skills, attributing to him, with admiration and awe, political genius and media savvy.

Not coincidentally, the same happened with other leaders in human history who shared this character defect: while they were ridiculed by some, they were lauded by the press, domestic and foreign, for their “eloquence” and “brilliant political skills” as they peddled their grandiose dreams of glory alongside contempt and hatred for their “enemies,” The Others.

“This is a marvelous demagogue who can really inspire loyalty.”

“This guy is a clown. He’s like a caricature of himself.”

That’s how the media both idealized and devalued another similar character from the past who set out to show the world how great he was and how much adulation he deserved, Adolf Hitler.

This happens every time with an extreme (psychopathic) narcissistic leader / public character, because his pathology evokes just that very kind of response in people, media people included: it makes us either laugh in disbelief and contempt, or idolize his hyped-up “skills” — which are really nothing more than expressions of his pathology — often both at the same time. And while the public is both amused and mesmerized by the future tyrant’s larger-than-life persona, he ever so persistently marches toward his ultimate goal unimpeded — because the number of those who fall for his narcissistic manipulations is always too large.

The predictable and co-occurring idealization and devaluation are two emotional states that generally define a narcissist’s attitude toward himself (idealization) and others (devaluation; see the insults discussed above). He projects them, primitively — i.e., without any self-reflection or inhibitions, as there is no functioning conscience to impose such “obstacles” on his mental processes and behavior — onto the world and constructs an entire ideology from them.

When dressed up in grandiose and empty sloganeering on patriotism, faith, national purity, and other perverted “ideals,” this pathological process is mistaken for “political brilliance” and other such dangerous nonsense, as it inspires too many people to follow the leader, even if straight into an abyss. His irresistible pull lies not in any specific policies he may be promising (and being blissfully unacquainted with reality, he is always short and/or vague on those), but in the feelings his words engender in his followers, specifically a narcissistic identification with the strongman, which compensates for his followers’ inadequacies; and narcissistic rage, which the strongman embodies and already unleashes on the nation through inciting chaos and violence. The only promises that matter are those which bring in a possibility of revenge for the real and imagined hurts of his followers. That, too, is our Shadow at work.

This phenomenon, part of narcissistic collusion that develops between narcissistic leaders and their followers in any human group and organization, is as common as it is dangerous. It should be obvious that any promises and “serious” pronouncements such a leader makes are not worth the air he wastes uttering them. The only “skills” that he possesses come from his emotional primitivism combined with his grandiosity and lack of conscience, which allow him to unleash the disordered contents of his psyche on the world without any inhibition or compunction.

This appeals to and “awes” people who are psychologically similar, but frightens and repulses, correctly, the rest who are not as primitive and/or disordered and who see where this dangerous process leads. Unfortunately, too many journalists, not to mention Trump’s admirers and supporters, apparently belong in the former camp, as their shadow dangerously colludes with his.

3 notes · View notes