#he'll be a month on the 4th hes getting so big!!!

[bbokicidal]

Kinktober 2024 : Schedule

Because of me being quite busy during the month of October, I'll be posting twice a week every week for Kinktober!

There will be 10 posts in total : 1 for each individual member of SKZ (8 total), 1 for the duo of choice, and 1 for all eight members.

Notice: Kinktober 2024 has been discontinued as of 08/22/2024

October 2nd : "Try Harder." - Biting/Scratching - Bangchan When one of your close friends sets you up with his 'best friend' at a Halloween party he's throwing, who turns out to be the man you've been eyeing up at work for the last eight months, the two of you decide to ditch the alcohol and candy for something far sweeter.

Contains : Biting/Scratching, drinking, pining for Chris, rough sex, don't hold back enjoy the ride-

October 4th : "Is That All?" - Wet Dreams / Somnophilia - Lee Know Finding you after a Halloween party asleep in HIS room, Minho decides he doesn't want to bother waking you up and just slides into bed beside you to rest. That was his intention, at least.

Contains : Wet dreams/Somnophilia (sex while asleep), dabbles in dub-con, touching, slow sex (at first), Minho being cautious not to wake you up but failing, dry humping/grinding, clothed sex.

October 9th : "Look At You." - Body Worship / Virginity - Changbin You'd picked out a more risqué costume this year for the party than you had the last, deciding to finally break out of your shell and maybe get a little more than some looks tonight. Though you hadn't expected to find that your best friend - and longtime crush - had also picked something a little more revealing this year as well...

Contains : Virgin!Changbin, body worship, revealing outfits, experienced!reader, shy Binnie, soft sex (at first).

October 11th : "Smile For Me." - Size Difference - Hyunjin There were plenty of cute guys at the party, but one of them had caught your eye. A bit taller than the rest, long hair peeking out from the hooded mask - Maybe it was just your love for masked men, but that was certainly the sexiest Ghostface you'd ever seen.

Contains : Short-ish!Reader, Ghostface!Hyunjin, Mask kink (obviously oops), Hyunjin w/ his big 'ol hands, choking, grabbing/pushing, manhandling, rough sex.

October 16th : "So Bitter, So Sweet." - Hate Fucking - Han Jisung was usually so kind, so polite, so sweet. But you'd irked him multiple times around campus and he gave you bad vibes, which you'd spat in his face before. So he decides that at the Halloween party, he'll show you just how mean he can be.

Contains : MeanDom!Jisung, Switch!Reader, Fighting for dominance, biting/scratching, yelling, face/pussy/ass slapping/spanking, name calling, Jisung being a brat.

DISCONTINUED

October 18th : "Maybe Our Last." - Tentacles - Felix Felix had dabbled in Hentai before - watched some of the more... unique stuff just to see what it was all about. And liked it. Not that he would ever admit it - So he's already flustered when you show up to the party dressed as a hot anime girl he's seen before; But the night takes a turn when an outbreak happens and it's something he could never be prepared for.

Contains : This is some fucked up world bending shit - Dabbles in dub-con!!!, Tentacle monster(s), mutation outbreak, one of the other members mutates and becomes a sick creature, no direct sex between Felix and the reader - just them both getting smothered in slick and touched/penetrated/etc. I've never written anything this wild.

DISCONTINUED

October 23rd : "Enough of That." - Bound/Tied - Seungmin He'd brought up the idea of you being his 'bunny' and him being the 'magician' for your costume multiple times. What he hadn't mentioned was the way he would tie your arms behind your back and have you sit in his lap the entire night. But he needed to keep his bunny attached to him somehow, right? His costume was incomplete without you.

Contains : Protective!Seungmin, MeanDom!Seungmin, BestFriend!Seungmin, BunnyCostume!Reader, Shibari, manhandling, rough?sex.

DISCONTINUED

October 25th : "Run And Hide." - Predator/Prey - I.N Jeongin wasn't opposed to taking what he wanted, when he wanted it. He was the youngest of his friend group - He always got what he wanted. And that included you. (Even if you were his Hyung's newly fresh ex.)

Contains : Still up for debate - Dabbles in dub-con, Greedy/Selfish!Jeongin, MeanDom!Jeongin, rough sex.

DISCONTINUED

October 29th : "Try Something New." - Aphrodisiacs - Seungmin / Lee Know After drunkenly admitting a week prior that you'd had a fantasy once including a certain pill/powder that would heighten your senses and wants, Seungmin takes it upon himself to confront you directly and ask if you wanted it to become real. During the party the following night, he slips a powder into your cocktail while whispering sweet nothings in your ear; And Minho stood close by to monitor the situation. He was just watching - at first.

Contains : For more context the reader mentions having a fantasy about taking an aphrodisiac and Seungmin asks if he can make it come true, so he plans with Minho to slip something in her drink. She DOES know about it. Dom!Seungmin, Dom!Minho, Exhibitionism/Voyeurism,

DISCONTINUED

October 31st : "You are Mine." - Incubi - OT8 Chris had invited you to the Halloween party with sparkling eyes and a shy smile, telling you how it would be loads of fun and there would be drinks, food, and pretty people. But when you walked in the night of the party, his gaze was far different than it had been the moment you previously talked. And seven of his friends - all gorgeous and in daringly-revealing costumes - seemed to eye you up the exact same way.

Contains : Gangbang (obviously), OT8 x Reader, Dom!OT8, Monsterfucking, Incubus!OT8, Chris deceiving the reader, MeanDom!Vocalracha, MeanDom!Lee Know, MeanDom!Hyunjin, Protective!Bangchan, Possessive!Changbin, Protective!Felix, Spanking, Grinding, Slapping, Dry Humping, Double Penetration, Spitroasting, Multiple orgasms, Edging, Rough sex.

DISCONTINUED

Dividers are made by : @anitalenia & @frenchkisstheabyss

[riyva]

will you marry me? | j.jh

pairings. jaehyun x fem!reader genre. fluff, college, romance, smut warnings. protected sex, f!ngering, edging, use of c0ckrIng, bl0wjob, squirting, mdni written in taglish.

You and Jae were already together for 7 years, since high school, and now you're both in 4th year college. You were both busy for finals kaya hindi na kayo nagkakaroon ng solo time or let's say sexy time. It's been two months since you last did it.

You're already living in the same roof, in Jae's condo. Your parents really trust him so much kaya pinayagan ka na rin na mag-stay sa kanya while you're still in college. Pabor din naman kay Jae kasi lagi na kayong magkasama sa isang bubong.

You cooked the dinner, caldereta, and you're now waiting for Jae to come home. It's already 5.30 p.m, and he'll go home by precisely 6 p.m.

You washed the things that you used habang nagaantay, at hindi mo narinig na dumating na pala si Jae. Jae immediately went to give you a back hug.

"Hi, love," he said while kissing your nape.

It sent ticklish vibration down to your spine. "Love, ano ba?" You giggled while washing. You turned off the faucet and faced Jae. Tinukod naman si Jae ang magkabilang kamay sa gilid ng bewang mo para hindi ka makawala.

You kissed him, and he gladly responded. The kiss was full of love and desire. The kiss went deeper as Jae held your nape. Humiwalay ka naman sa napaka-tamis na halik.

You cupped Jae's cheeks. "Love, kamusta finals?"

Jae smiled, showing his cute dimples. "I did well as usual." And he winked.

You laughed. You went directly to his ear and whispered. "Congrats, love. I'll reward you later." And you also winked at him.

Those words you said became music to his ears, vibrating his spine. And now, his member can't wait to get warmed by your hotness later.

"Let's make love na now, love?" Jae said, and he pouted.

You laughed at him because of his cuteness as he asked for it. You pinched both of his cheeks. "Love, later na. We need to eat muna kasi. We need lots of energy later."

You kissed him again, and he tapped his shoulder. "Let's eat na, love."

“Oh, Jae! Baby!” You’re now laying your back on the table while Jae eats the hell out of you. As Jae swirls his tongue to your clit, his two fingers also move inside you. His long fingers and tongue sent you too much pleasure.

Your moans filled the condo as Jae’s fingers hit your sweet spot. Jae felt your insides clenching his fingers. It means you’re coming. He smirked when he slowly moved his fingers to tease you more and delay your orgasm. You groaned in annoyance.

You sit up on the table while his digits are still inside you. “Fuck, baby! Nakakainis ka!” You’re so close to coming, but Jae slowed down his fingers.

His head went up. He chuckled. “Baby, calm down. We have lots of time pa to enjoy.”

Ngumuso ka sa kanya. "Kiss me na baby."

And he did; you also tasted yourself. The kiss was so slow, enjoying and taking their own pace. You’ve been together for seven years, and the love, passion, and desire remain there. Jae always treated you just what you deserved in the world.

The kiss became so deep as you clung to each other—lip biting and sucking each other’s tongues. The kiss makes many noises you can only hear, adding to the heat of wanting their body.

You removed his shirt, and your hand roamed his well-toned body. Yummy 8-packs abs. You thought. Your arrow went down to his torso. Jae groaned as they continued kissing because of your naughty hand. Jae’s hands went to your mountains.

Your hand went down to his member, and you gently massaged it. Jae moaned. Jae’s kisses went down to your neck and boobs while your hand was still on his boxers, playing with his and so freaking big. Fuck.

Jae sucked and licked your boobs like a hungry baby. You arch your body to give him more access as the pleasure goes through your body. He kissed every inch of you. Sa tuwing ginagawa nila ito, Jae never fails to make her feel loved, and Andra feels lots of butterflies in her stomach while he does this.

So sweet.

His head went down again to kiss and suck your femininity.

“Sarap ba, baby?”

Your eyes rolled because of pleasure. “Ohh, fuck! Yes, right there!” Your back goes to the table again; Jae eats and fingers you repeatedly until you come multiple times, making your legs tense.

Pilit tinutulak mong tinitulak si Jae palayo. "Jae, baby. Stop na, please. Let's continue this on the bed." He pouted, again. "Baby, I'm still eating pa pero sige." he can't get enough of your pretty pussy.

Why is he so cute? Damn.

You just rolled your eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, baby. Lalo kong papatirikin mata mo mamaya." He said as if you would take this as a threat.

Oh, boy. This is an excellent and pleasurable threat.

He dipped his head to claim your lips pero pinigilan mo siya. “I want to make love with you on our bed; take me there.”

He laid on the bed, and you’re on top of him.

“Love. I want to make you feel good.” You whispered.

After he removed his boxers, you immediately sat on his dick. You grind your hips onto his. You felt his member hardened. Jae throws his head back on the pillow. “Fuck, so fucking good.”

“Baby, sagot ka. Use your words.” You said as you continued to grind your hips. You’re dripping so severely. You’re cunt was aching.

“Yes, baby. I’m already good, but I still want more. I’m craving for more.”

You pulled away from the kiss, and Jae chased your lips. You smirked, and you pushed him back on the bed again. You took something on the table beside the bed. Handkerchief, and rope. Jae’s eyes widened slightly.

Jae allowed you to tie his wrists and ankle on the bed posts without hesitation. Hindi masikip at hindi rin maluwag ang tali, sakto lang. You licked her lips while staring at him. “Love, you look so fucking hot while being tied.” You fold the handkerchief and immediately tie it around his eyes. You leaned down to kiss his lips and whispered into his ear. “Love. Are you ready?”

He replied with a moan. He’s ready to get devoured. You went back to his lips, went down to his neck. Jae raised his head to give him more access. You sucked his skin, and it will surely leave a mark. You licked and sucked his nipples. The room filled with his groans and deep breaths. And that made you smile. Well, it looks like I’m doing a great job. Your lips now went to his v-line. And, lastly, to his huge dick, pinkish and veiny. Your mouth went ‘o’.

“Baby, please suck it already.” Jae pleaded.

“Love, calm down. I still want to savor this moment. Hello? You’re so fucking big!” you examine his seven inches thick dick, wondering how it fits your whole every single night.

You kissed the tip, swirled your tongue, and took him whole. Well, not whole, just half. Then, your hands took care of the other half and his eggs. You bobbed your head up and down.

Bawat pagtaas at pagbaba ng ulo mo ay napapatirik mata sa sarap si Jae. Hindi man visible pero alam mo na sobrang nasasarapan siya. His hand went to your hair to guide you. He wanted to go fast but couldn't go rough on you. His hips thrust into your mouth. You knew that his high was coming because of the hurried pace.

But you stopped; you left his dick standing. And you removed the handkerchief.

Jae groaned. “Love, please don’t torture me.”

You left the bed and took something from the bedside table drawer. Jae’s eyes widened once again—a cockring. You smirked. Before you put it into his member, you asked him.

“Love, will you marry me?”

He blushed. “Oh, hell.” he let out a laugh. “Babe, I’m still tied and edged, and now you’re asking me that?” he added.

“Oh, bakit? Sino ka para umarte na ayain kita ng kasal? Kapal mo naman.”

“Babe, at least let’s make it decent.”

“Ewan ko sayo, Jaehyun. Sasagot ka or else tigang ka?” he didn't answered. Akma mong ibabalik na yung cock ring sa drawer pero nagsalita siya ulit. “Untie me baby, malalaman mo sagot.”

And you did what he said. Pagkatanggan ng huling tali, napasigaw ka nang hinuli ka ni Jae at hiniga sa kama, baliktad na ang posisyon. Ikaw ang nasa ibaba, at siya sa ibabaw.

“I..” he kissed your forehead. “Will marry..” your nose. “You.” and lastly, your lips. Muling gumalaw ang mga labi na may sariling ritmo. You both smiled between your kisses. He pulled away, and he lined his dick to your dripping cunt, slightly slapping you’re sensitive bead, but you stopped him. “Wear this cock ring, babe.”

Jae was still hesitant kasi alam niyang lalabasan agad siya but he wanted to try it too. He nodded as he took it from your hand to his dick. Jae fell his head back as pleasure ran to his spine. Your eyes burn with so much desire when you see it on him. “Gosh, Daddy! It fits.” you let out a sultry moan as you widened your legs for him. Before you forget, you take the small remote to increase the vibration, making him moan and shake his thighs. He let out a low moan as he slides himself to you.

Your head fell on the pillow, and you gripped your thighs as pleasure sent in. You can feel him pulsating and vibrating inside you. Sa una ay banayad ang mga ulos, he's taking his time with you. Sa bawat galaw, the cockring also hit your clit, making you whimper and moan louder. He was rocking your insides while also stimulating your bead.

Lalong tumitirik ang iyong mata sa bawat sagad ng pag-ulos niya sa iyo. The skin slapping, deep groans and moans filled the hot room.

Pabaling baling ka na sa kama at hindi mo alam sa kung saan ka hahawak. The pleasure is too much to handle for you. Your hand went to your head to grip while your other hand gripped the sheets.

Jaehyun looked at your face, checking if he was doing good. He knows that when you moan louder, he is hitting the right spot. He didn't speak instead he gripped your waist, at muling umulos ng mabilis pero baon at sagad na sagad.

Hitting your core deeper, making you almost see the stars. Jae seeing you writhing in pleasure, urges him to fuck you harder. Jaehyun’s high was already building up, and so did you. You grabbed Jaehyun’s arms to grip.

Your moans were now louder and louder as Jae hit the right spot. You came with a few more thrusts, but Jaehyun didn’t stop. He continued to fuck you. It became easier for him to move fast to reach his high.

Nang hindi ka pa nakakabawi ay muli mong naramdaman na lalabasan ka ulit. Your room filled more moans and cries until you came again and Jaehyun filled your walls with his white cream.

You took the remote and turned it off to stop sending the pleasure. Jaehyun fell on top of you. “Fuck, baby. Let’s do that again.” you chuckled. You ran your fingers through his hair as you felt his warmth against you. He lifts himself. “Let’s get married after graduation.” before you say anything else. He flipped you over your stomach without removing himself from you. You cursed in your head.

“Round two, yeah?” he said as he turned on the cockring again, making you scream.

Oh, shit. This is going to be a long night.

© riyva

let me hear your thoughts! :))

[wormdebut]

omg for the spotify wrapped list......... 85?

Hi!! Thank you for sending in a number! Number 85 on my Spotify Wrapped is Sowing Season by Brand New!

----

'You're here Eddie! You're awake and you have your whole life ahead of you while Max is fucking fighting for her life. So get up and do something! We all went through it Eds, and I know you're hurting. God, Eddie, I know. But, the kids miss you--hell man, I--' Steve's voice cracks. 'I miss you and it doesn't even make sense to me, but I do. We are all here for you man--call me when you figure that out.'

It runs through his head on repeat. It always does. That was sometime late April. Today is June 4th. Today is June 4th and Max is awake and in a wheel chair…just like Eddie is.

Max had a hard time at first, once she woke up, curled in on herself. Kept things in…just like Eddie did. He was shocked when he saw her that first time in May, wheelchair and all, throwing rocks at his new government funded trailer window. They worked through things together. But she was really the only person he had spoken to since--all of it--besides Uncle Wayne.

Max went through hell and is rebuilding, going to physical therapy, seeing her friends, finding the ability to laugh again. Just like Eddie…isn't.

But her legs were broken…they would heal. Those damn bats had gone and taken one of Eddies--

Eddie shakes his head, unruly curls falling over his eyes. He needs to stop comparing. He needs to stop pouting and whining. Max has to be tired of it…Wayne has to be exhausted by it. Eddie can't do this anymore. He needs to get his life back.

'We are all here for you man--call me when you figure that out.'

He needs to call Steve.

Eddie will never get used to having to wheel around everywhere…hopefully he won't have to for long though. Owens had said something last month about paying for a prosthetic for Eddie which…well, it fucking terrified him, but he was turning over a new leaf. This morning, when he woke up, the same as he had the day before and the day before that--he had been ready to wallow just like he had been doing since he woke up in that damn hospital bed, down a leg and with Wayne and Steve Harrington staring at him with wide eyes. But, what Steve had said in April ran through his mind…like it had been since it happened and today? It stuck.

Wayne was out. He'd left a note on the fridge. Eddie would never be able to repay Wayne for all the love and patience he had poured into his mess of a nephew. But, Wayne wouldn't have let him, even if he had a way.

Eddie is lucky. Eddie is alive and he has been wasting away feeling sorry for himself. He sighs, reaching up for the phone. Being in a damn wheelchair made him feel nine years old and four feet tall.

Eddie holds the phone to his ear, reading another sticky note. One that Steve had left behind when they had last seen each other.

His hands aren't shaking as he reaches up to dial…they aren't.

He's trying to control his breathing as he listens to the ringing through the line.

"Thanks for calling Family Video, this is Steve. How can I help you?"

Eddie lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Stevie?"

Surely, Eddie isn't imagining things when he hears Steve take a sharp inhale of the other end of the line.

"Eddie?" He asks. His voice is soft, just like it had been when Eddie had woken up terrified and confused in the hospital.

"You told me--you told me to call when--when I figured it out. I wanna get better Steve. I need to be better." Eddie says. He'll deny the shakiness in his voice until he dies.

Steve laughs, and it's bright and Eddie wouldn't mind hearing that sound for the rest of his--anyway Steve laughs. "I've been waiting for your call." Eddie can practically hear Steve's smile. He can't help but smile too.

"I'm sorry, I kept you waiting big boy." ----

"I'm on the mend, at least now I cay say that I am trying."

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Elooo!! Can u pls do Benkei hc pls pls plsss I badly need one!! (*ﾉ´□`)ﾉ

Of course I can and here they are! Hope you like them!

Used to like taking Shinichiro to the gym with him, though his favourite work out partner has always been Wakasa.

Straight up stole Wakasa's dango stick one time and immediately regretted it (he'll never make that mistake again). 

Never understood why anyone would want a little sibling until he met Senju.

When the others found out how much he dislikes horror films he got embarrassed and tried to prove them wrong by going on a horror movie marathon (he didn't sleep for days after that).

He doesn't do it often but is actually a decent cook.

Actually gets super invested in movies and TV shows he watches, is transfixed by them (will cry at sad movies) this is also the reason he dislikes horror movies.

Loves hugs! Will not hesitate to bear hug his partner, is also super clingy and refuses to let go.

When training people in the gym he can seem a bit loud and aggressive but he's actually very supportive, cheering people on and practising them to help with their motivation (he's just very enthusiastic).

Can't keep a plant alive 

Frequently carries Senju around on his shoulders, usually when she's overly tired. He used to do the same with Shinichiro too after he got injured in fights (and once carried a drunk Wakasa who insisted on it).

Is a total gentleman, opening doors for people, helping people reach stuff by shopping etc. He may not look it but he will help people out.

Actually wanted to hit Shion long before did (he was glad he finally got the chance).

The first time he got asked on a date he thought someone dared them to do it, he got so used to people being intimidated by him that he didn't think anyone would want to take him on a date.

Was so happy after getting his tattoo done that he refused to wear anything with sleeves on it for months after (even when it was cold).

Has a very loud but happy laugh, the kind of laugh which just makes you smile.

Loves relaxing in warm baths and trips to hot springs 

Actually got on well with all the little Sano and Akashi kids (and Baji) they liked how big he was and used to climb on him (he'd always get a little worried that they'd fall or he'd accidentally hurt them).

Never did fully forgive Inui for that middle aged comment though. (Just kidding he definitely did......or did he?)

Whenever he hears his old nickname "red cliff" he gets very happy.

Panics a bit when someone cries (unless it's Shinichiro who he got used to very fast lmao)

Gets fairly competitive, do not play monopoly with him.

Is very good at reading stories to people, will give all the character's voices and put emotion into it.

Is actually a very warm person in general, great person to cuddle up to during the winter.

Kept a close eye on the future black dragons generations, even offering advice to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th.

Used to threaten any gang members who spoke over Shinichiro during meetings (especially if it was Takeomi)

Enjoys funfairs but dislikes any spinning rides (he gets a bit motion sick)

And finally his favourite gift to give his partner are flowers, all sorts. He also gifts them all the time, sometimes he'll give them to you just because you seemed a little sad. 

[jotunvali02]

Finally starting Turnabout Goodbyes (part 1)

"Edgeworth would never do sth like that!" 😭💞

"It's a trick. Laugh and he'll get mad. Or burst into tears." Oh, Queen Bitch Fee-Fee quickly returned.

"We don't have enough time to come here and laugh at you." "Yes you do."

Oooh. Queen Bitch Fee-Fee has concurrence!

"I'm not that hard up. Not yet."

Is it an invitation, darling?👀🔞

"You in particular, I cannot ask to do this. Please, stay away from this case."

Why?

Ooooooooooooooooh. I just got it.

Daddy Gumshoe ferociously defending his grey-haired baby!😭💗💗 And reminds Feenie how he'd be in shit without him! And how Edgey is in love with him!

"Nick. What did you get me for Christmas?" "Talk to Santa."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!! That wasn't just bitchy, it was super MEAN, Phoenix!

Please stop saying "Poppers", plz it really sounds awkward when you know it's a popular drug, especially among gay men to make your penis stay hard.

"If Mister Edgeworth had done sth wrong, he wouldn't hide it. Why can't anyone else see that??" 😭😭😭 Daddy Gumshoe... sometimes I think you'd make a better husband for Edgey than Phoenix.

"Isn't it obvious? We have a strong "working relationship", us two."

HHHUHM! HHHUUUHHMM!!👀🔞

"Edgeworth is a man you can trust! You have my word on that!"

Not if he doesn't want to talk to anyone, babe, no.

Ugh. I don't wanna see him. I DON'T wanna see him! I hate him so much. I hate him with all of my strengths and all of my being's fibers. I'll fucking SCREAM when I have to see him.

Oh, Larry's here! ^^ Frankly, seeing him here such a relief right now.

Larry... it's been 4 years Edgeworth is a FAMOUS prosecutor and you didn't know about it??

"I'll admit, I'm impressed Wright. Once you start on sth, you always see it through, don't you?" ❤️💙

Babe, you'll kiss each other later, ok?

Wait. I thought Phoenix was a "wet novice lawyer"🍆💦(or sth like that)?

"Alright. You can ask me anything."

Will you marry me??

"Were you trying to follow your father's footsteps?"

Maya, don't. Don't fucking make my baby Edgey cry.

"I don't remember doing anything for you."

Oh shut up & stop pretending you're a villain. You've helped Fee-Fee to get his client free no later than last month while it wasn't in your best interest to do that at all!

THAT's called "doing sth for someone"!

"He's on the floor in a ball, shivering."

NOOOOOOOOOO!! MY BABY!! 😭💔💔💔

Hey, statue guard! HELP HIM instead guarding a fucking door!

And wtf are you saying that with a big smile Maya?? Did that earthquake turn you insane??

Bitch Phoenix! Instead of making theories in your head, could you ASK THE FUCKING GUARD TO HELP EDGEWORTH???

"I was worried about Mister Edgeworth."

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!* 😭

"I'm going to check on him."

Daddy Gumshoe, you're the sweeteeeeeeeeeeeeeeest!!! 😭😭

"I only got to know Edegworth in 4th grade."

Th-that's it?? You changed your entire life projects just to have a slim chance to talk to a boy you've known for a few months 15 years ago??

You're a giant psycho, Phoenix!😨 A giant and extremely lonely psycho!

"I wonder what happened to him."

He saw his father getting KILLED in front of him when he was 9, like he told you a few minutes ago?? Have you an early dementia, Phoenix??

Or did your really scary lack of empathy rushed back?

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

Part I ::: Dad's Best Friend, Reiner

Part II

Yep. I'm pumping out more Reiner stuff. Yesterday (Nov. 6) was my birthday and I couldn't get enough of the man. So I started writing again today and he was just wrecking my brain. STILL proofing. My laptop went a little haywire. This will be straightened out by tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for your patience ♡.

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This will be in 2 parts. I'll attach links as I post and finish them up.

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Warnings ::: Flirting with your dad's friend, older man kink (newly discovered, kinda?), accidental exhibitionism, accidental voyeurism, accidental kiss, erection. Implied plus size//chubby reader The good stuff (HA, listen to me) will be in the second part. That's already almost done. I'll probably post that tomorrow morning or afternoon. Enjoy!!

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Part I WC ::: 2,557

It was Thanksgiving break and you were heading home from college. It's always been a big deal with your family to have everyone over to their home and have them leave well-fed.

Well, it was, anyway. Since your mom left last year, it's fallen entirely on your dad's shoulders.

But this was his time to shine. His time to show you and everyone else that he could go above and beyond the regular turkey dinner. You were a little nervous about it. He didn't exactly have the best track record when it came to cooking turkey. But you'd be here to help him out however he needed.

You and your dad's best friend, Reiner. There wasn't a holiday that he hadn't been around. In fact, there weren't any special events that you couldn't remember him being at. He was sort of like a second dad to you. If you had to put a label on it, that's probably what it'd be.

It's been over 4 months since you'd last seen him. You were both at your dad's house on the 4th of July. You stopped by to have a quick burger before you went back to your dorm room. All you remember is that his best friend was really, really drunk, and really happy to see you.

You called your dad as you hit a red light.

"Yell-o?" The voice at the other end of the call said.

"Hi, dad. I'm on my way. I'll be there in less than 30. Do you have everything you need for the great cook-off? Let me know, I'll call when I get clo--"

"Hey! Hey, y/n. It's Reiner, your dad's --"

"Oh! Hi, um, Reiner. My dad's ... best ... friend. W-where is he at?"

"He had to run to the store to pick up a few last minute things. But he'll be back. Either before you're here or right around the same time. S' I guess, just keep coming, uh, home. I'll be here. We'll be here, I meant. See you soon, sweetheart." He said before hanging up. "Y-yeah, ok. Rei-, um, ok. Bye, see you soon."

You suddenly felt really hot in the face. Was his voice always that provocative? Did it always sound like that when you talked to him on the phone? So deep and alluring? Snapping your head from your daydream as the car behind you honked at the green light you were mindlessly sitting through, you drove on to your childhood home. Not sure what you're in for when you get there. But feeling a little giddy about it, all the same.

Pulling into the driveway, you didn't see your dad's truck. But you saw Reiner's. It wasn't huge, but it took up over half of the drive. You loved the color; a deep blue. So dark you couldn't really see your reflection on the side of it. It was nice.

"Hello? I'm here. Dad? Are you home ye--" you called out to your dad. But he wasn't there. It was just his friend, still. Just you and his friend.

"Hey, sweetheart! Welcome home! S'good to see you, baby girl!" Reiner came to you with open arms. You looked at him. He wore a nicely fitting light blue button-up shirt. It was accentuating his very large, muscular arms. Shit, did he always look like this? His hair was a little longer than you remember it being. But it was slicked back as much as he could get it. It was in that awkward phase between too short to get it to do what he wanted and should he get a haircut. You thought it looked fantastic. Even the little bits that hung down against his forehead.

You let yourself be wrapped up in his arms as he pulled you into a close, tight, and very warm embrace. His body was so hard and so soft, simultaneously. It made your head spin.

A little while later you realized he'd already let go but you hadn't, so he kept hugging you until you were ready for him to loosen his arms. He chalked it up to you missing him or missing your dad after being gone from the house for school.

"You ok, sweetheart? *Heh* I don't remember you ever letting me hug you like this. But that's ok. I don't mind. I'm happy to fill in for any dad energy--"

Dad energy? No. No no no no no. You thought. This had nothing to do with 'dad energy'. Maybe 'daddy energy'.

"Not 'dad', god. I just ... s'just, well, guess I missed you. Dad energy. God." You laughed. He leaned down and brushed your hair from your face and kissed you on the cheek. Twice. You hoped he wouldn't notice how your heartbeat quickened. Or your breath got caught in your throat. Or how your face turned a deep shade of pink.

"You good, baby girl?" Nodding you put your hands up on his pecs and it took every ounce of will power to push him away from you. All you wanted to do was drop to your knees and lick his stomach. Just for starters.

"Hello? I see my daughter's car in the driveway! Where is she?" Reiner dropped his arms and let his hands glide down from the curves in your waist and turned quickly. You saw him start to adjust something, but your dad's voice drew your attention away from his best friend tucking his cock away.

"Dad! Hi! Happy Thanksgiving, pops. Thank you for doing all of this."

He hugged you and kissed the top of your head. "Well, I wouldn't be doin' this if it wasn't for my dumbass friend over there. He insisted that I do this. Y'know, to keep things 'normal' and to entice you to come home for a nice meal."

You looked at Reiner. He shrugged his broad shoulders. Fuck, how had you not noticed how hot he was before today?

"Well, thank you. Both of you. I can't wait to get started on everything. Are you working over the break?" Your dad was a veterinarian and often the one who was on call over holidays. Even on his vacations he'd still find the time to work for his patients. He was just that kind of person. You always admired it about him.

Your dad sighed. "I think you already know the answer to that, baby girl." Reiner's head whipped around at the sound of your dad calling you what he had called you minutes before. Maybe he should lay off. 

But your dad called you that. Reiner has been practically a part of the family for over 25 years. He decided to try it out in front of your dad to gauge his reaction to the pet name. He'd go from there. It just had to be the right time.

"Don't worry, though. I sent home fliers about all the foods animals should stay away from over Thanksgiving. And how they shouldn't have bones that can get lodged in their throats."

Reiner choked on his beer. "Shit, shit. Sorry, {Dad’s name}. I ... *aheh*, shit. Never mind. Sorry." You and your dad stood there looking at Reiner, puzzled. You knew what he was choked up about. But your dad was most likely clueless. And that's probably better for everyone.

It was around 8pm and your dad and Reiner were watching football and reliving their high school days. Reliving their game nights when they were in (what they felt like) was the prime of their lives. Reiner jumped up from the second recliner that your dad moved in for him after your mom left. "Go. Go. Go go go go go go!!! YES!! Whooo! Fuck, I love this team." His honey-colored eyes met yours and you couldn't help but get all bubbly in your tummy at the slight squint as he smiled so widely. He genuinely looked the happiest you've ever seen him. And for some freaky reason, that made you happy, too.

"I'm going to grab a shower and go to bed. Can I bring you guys another beer or anything?" You asked, still maintaining eye contact with Reiner.

He shook his head, "'S fine ..." Now! He thought. Now is the perfect time to test out calling you baby girl in front of your dad! "Think I'm done for the night, baby girl." He waited for the ramification of calling you such an intimate thing. But it never came. Your dad just followed suit, "Yeah, I'm 'bout to turn in too, sweetheart." You nodded with heavy lids at Reiner and rubbed your thighs together the whole way as you walked to your room.

Sitting on your bed for a minute, you did your best to compose yourself after that pithy exchange between the two of you. If you could even call it an exchange. All he did was look at you while you asked if they wanted anything before you went to get cleaned up and tucked in for the night.

Maybe it was the way he hung on to the gaze. How he lured you in to maintaining the shared glance. No, it was more than a glance.

You stood inside of your room, feeling no relief whatsoever, and pulled your t-shirt over your head and tossed it on the chair. Unhooking your bra, the little clasp in the front separated without much effort.

All you could think about was Reiner's hands on you. How would he take your bra off? Would he do it slowly and make you wait as he teased you? Would he be frantic and grab and pull it off?

"Fuck. I, I gotta stop. Gotta get a grip on this shit. Goin' to drive myself nuts." Slipping your jeans and panties off in one motion, you kicked them aside and left them on the floor by the standing mirror near your desk. There was a small wet spot on your panties that could only be from one thing: Reiner.

Looking around your room for your bathrobe, you remember that you saw it hanging in the bathroom down the hall. "Sh- shit. Ok, g'na make a run for it. I'm just going to run for it. They're both in the living room watching football. I can do this." You bounced on your toes a couple of times to hype yourself up for the mad dash you were preparing to make. Slowly, you opened your door and stuck your head out to survey your surroundings.

"H-hello?" You whispered, testing the population. "Ok, 'm gonna ... gonna go ..."

From out of nowhere, Reiner's face popped into yours as you stood there, naked as the day you came into this world. Oh, how he tried to not let his eyes wander from your blushing face down the front of your body. But he couldn't. He couldn't make himself look away. He was hypnotized by your curves. How your thighs nestled together. Your soft stomach. The soft, silvery glow of light stretch marks. 

"F-fuck, sorry! I'm so sorry!" He shouted. "I came to tell you that your dad had to go out on an emergency call for someone's horse. Broke its leg or somethin'. Sssshhhhit. I'm sorry. I'll go now that you know where he's going to be."

He was so flustered he couldn't bring his eyes around to yours. He just stared awkwardly at the floor, hoping you wouldn't see how hard he'd gotten over something so simple and awkward as bumping into you at your bedroom door that you were about to make a break from. Granted, you were naked.

"Oh god, Rei-ner! Oh my god!" You yelled back. But it was more out of sheer surprise than embarrassment. Ever since he answered your dad's house phone today, you couldn't get his voice out of your head. And when he hugged you, it was impossible to forget what his arms and hands felt like on you. There’s a 99.9999999% chance you’ll never forget how he smells. But you couldn't really act like you enjoyed exposing yourself to him. Could you?

Reiner finally found his footing and looked you in the eye. He saw your eyes and felt bad that he made you feel uncomfortable. But he couldn't help but notice how your nipples pebbled in the cold air. How they were a lighter shade of pink than he expected. He just wanted to cup them in his hands and roll them between his fingers. Fuck.

"I-I'm sorry. I thought you and my dad were still in the living room watching tv. I - ugh. Fuck." You turned back and grabbed your throw that lay across the foot of your bed and wrapped yourself up in it. You couldn't get away from him fast enough, but he stood right in the doorway.

"S'ok, sweetheart. It's alright. I just came to let you know that your dad's gone and that I'll be here. Least until he gets back tonight. Just lettin' ya know." He smiled his dazzling smile and you felt your heart skip a beat. "I can come back later and ... and ... you can leave your door open." He stuttered out, not entirely sure what he was suggesting. "You can leave it open while you're getting dressed or whatever. So you don't have to worry about me barging in again."

You nodded, "O-ok? That sounds good, Reiner." You whispered, holding the throw clutched to your chest, you managed to look up at him.

"So, are we in agreement that your dad doesn't have to know anything about this?" Reiner asked and you laughed. "Yes, oh my god, that would be mortifying. Let's just keep it between the two of us."

"Ok, sweetheart. Can do." He leaned down and let his lips sit on your left cheek for far longer than a simple smooch should have lasted. As he was pulling back, you turned your face and looked up at him. What you didn't know was he was going to do the same thing to your other cheek and your lips met with his.

They were so soft and warm. You weren't expecting to actually kiss him when you did this. You were going to say goodnight and slip passed him down the hallway. But instead, you just stood there. Initially wide-eyed, your mouth puckered out slightly. When did that happen? When did you push your lips out to meet his?

Reiner stepped back slightly. He didn't look like he was in as much shock as you. But he had a stupid half-grin on his face where your lips had just been. Like his little scheme had panned out perfectly. You couldn't believe you'd just kissed Reiner. Your dad's best friend. He was practically family. Even if it wasn't on purpose.

You both stood there for a moment longer. You couldn't believe how amazing it felt to kiss him. His lips were so sweet and perfect. But you knew it couldn't go any further. Your dad would lose his shit. And Reiner was his best friend. And he was old. Well, not old. But older.

"I, um, I'm going to hop in the shower." You said, quietly. "Yeah, yeah, I'll leave you to it. Sorry, baby girl." He turned on his heel and walked back down the hall.

He didn't sound like he was sorry. He sounded excited. Like he was about to win some kind of prize.

And that prize?

Was you.

Taglist ::: @darkstarlight82 @callm3senpaii @reinerswarrior

[floacy]

Jaiden's (05.08) stream thoughts.

The whole Jaiden stream was so like a movie. A psychological thriller? I'd say.

Idyllic day, turned suspend, turned ??.

A play in 3 (+ secret 4th) acts. Here's a rundown:

Normal Jaiden Day: Helping Foolish with his federation work. Going around, meeting at Fit's Gym with Fit and Baghera. Being left alone upstairs she catches glimpse of Cucurucho watching her from afar.

Visits Baghera's Castle, then in return she shows Baghera her house (which was a big step for her). A nice day with Cucurucho, who's being a little weird. "Everythubg is perfect, but... He is lacking in perfection."

Cellbit tells Jaiden about his one month of work. Jaiden decides to not share the message with Cellbit: "I don't think I should tell him anything I'll be honest. I think this is not a good time to be like "Hey i just went with Cucurucho and we took picture and selfies and we had fun!" I don't think that's a good time to say that. [...] Cucurucho? Who's that? I don't know who he is and he sounds like someone I'm not building a very close friendship with at all." Then she goes back home. Cucurucho wants to say something? He keep appearing and dissapearing. Speaks omnously and is definitely more than a little weird. "Too eccentric", "Too casual". He says.

"Have you seen him? Have you seen me?" Cucurucho takes Jaiden to the federation office at spawn, and then to the secret quarters. "Years ago you helped us. Me." She's being silly, and playing it off, but something's really off. Cucurucho tells her to picks her room/ office. The last message: "He's sleeping". WELC0ME BACK. [You've been kicked from the server]

Also a parrarel:

Cellbit saying to Jaiden that he'll be building offices, and she'll get one./ Jaiden picks her office at Federation quarters.

I couldn't quite pinpoint what was the feeling, but feel free to add anything.

[alloveydovey]

Dramas from this past month :) I was on a trip the whole time, so I watched random stuff and rewatched a lot.

Love Between Fairy and Devil, 2022 (cdrama) 9

The Lord supreme of the Moon Tribe gets out of fairy prison after 30.000 years thanks to a seemingly innocent orchid fairy who accidentally frees him and links them together.

This was epic. I'd say I was lost 40% of the time, but I enjoyed it a lot. It was my first cdrama of this type, and I wasn't expecting to be into it, but I totally binged it.

I Hear Your Voice, 2013 (kdrama) 8

19-year-old ML partners up with FL lawyer to help her win cases with his ability to read minds. Ten years prior, she had been a key witness and helped get the man who killed his father in jail.

I need to remind myself that I usually get a bit bored with lawyer dramas. It's hard to explain if I enjoyed this one or not. On one side, I loved LJS, and Lee Bo Young was great as the FL. The storyline had great aspects, and I binged most of it, but I wouldn't say it left an impression or something. I spent the last episodes skipping because I was already tired of it.

Full House, 2004 (kdrama) 7/7.5

Already known lol. A scriptwriter is duped by her friends and loses her house to an actor. To regain possession of it, she enters into a contract marriage with him.

I kinda like watching old kdramas because I find them more bingable… until this one lol. Full House was a bit a lot of a mess. Granted, the 00s seemed to be THE time for MLs who spend half of the drama chasing another woman while the FL tags along, but this became difficult to follow quickly. The only reason I kept going was because Song Hye Kyo and Rain were really charismatic and fun to watch together (also, they're both really good looking it's insane)

I really wanted to like this oldie, but their chaotic coming and going broke me.

The Legend of the Blue Sea, 2016 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 10 ⭐️

A mermaid meets a con man in Spain and falls in love. When the bad guys come for him, they both separate with the intention of meeting again in Seoul, except his memory is erased and he doesn't remember her.

I'm not sure if this is a 10 for everyone, but it's certainly a 10 for me. It has everything, and Jun Ji Hyun is absolutely perfect in it, truly a comedy queen. It's also probably my favorite Lee Min Ho role. Rewatching it made me laugh, aww, and giggle all over again. (I kinda think the reason I liked it is because it reminds me of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho but better lol)

An Incurable Case of Love, 2020 (jdrama) 8

A girl falls in love with a doctor while visiting Tokyo and decides to become a nurse to meet him again.

This was very much like Mischievous Kiss/Playful Kiss, but maybe lighter and sweeter? Definitely more watchable. Emotionally constipated MLs get a bit annoying at some point but I remain a big fan of sweetheart FLs.

The Date of Marriage, 2023 (jdrama) 7.5/8

A girl with a life plan is two years away from thirty but still hasn't achieved what she wanted (marriage). A co-worker proposes that if she still hasn't found someone by the time she turns thirty, he'll marry her.

The premise in this one is rather weak. Boy likes girl, and girl likes boy, and so there really is no reason for why they shouldn't date when both established such a promise (getting married by her 30th bday), but because of insecurities, they come and go about whether they like each other or not, and it's annoying. On the other hand, this little drama is super original in its way of storytelling. Breaking the 4th wall with authentic ways for the characters to express themselves. It's also visually dynamic. The colors make for an extremely nice watch. Aaaaand, both ML and FL are cute as hell with great chemistry.

Shopping King Louie, 2016 (kdrama) 7.5

The overprotected successor of a business empire gets into an accident and loses his memory. A girl from a rural area who is in Seoul looking for her brother (whose disappearance is linked to the ML's accident) decides to take him under her wing as they both try to make it on their own.

Seo In Guk heavily saves this drama, lol. I kept watching mainly because of him, Nam Ji Hyun, and the decent cast. I kinda started annoyed at the secondary characters and ended up really enjoying them. It's a silly fun drama where the premise is obviously not the forte, but still, I had fun watching.

Rewatched Dramas! (That I'm not adding above cause I flash-watched them = meaning I skipped a lot of scenes lol) ⬇️

Destined With You, 2023

I wanted to rewatch this one to see if the rating I gave it held up, especially since I feel like it was the beginning of a long list of kdramas with a similar premise (and, like, they all came out around the same time—what was that?).

To me, at least, it deserves a decent 8.5. It was probably my favorite of all the ones with similar storylines (My Demon, A Good Day to be a Dog, The Story of Park's Marriage Contract, My Man in Cupid). The first episodes grab you completely, and then the story kind of lowers the quality a bit, but Rowoon and Bo Ah keep it entertaining.

The Secret Life of My Secretary, 2019 ⭐️

ML hires secretaries only for a year. Despite her impeccable behavior, FL is no exception. Just when he fires her, ML loses the ability to recognize faces except for his secretary's, the one he just fired.

This is def a 7/7.5 type of drama, but I think it’s the one I’ve rewatched the most. 100% a comfort one for me. The plot is insane, and I don’t always like it, but the chemistry between the leads is so worth it. Their whole boss-secretary dynamic is so original and cute and just perfeeeect. Both actors truly nail the cute persona.

[stigmvtas]

welcome to marina, CARNELIAN ST. GERMAIN ( nonbinary, he/they ) ! they are a TWENTY FOUR year old who has lived on the island for THEIR ENTIRE LIFE. word on the street is they’re currently living in PROSPECT HILL and works as a WAITER / FISHERMAN. everyone also says they look a lot like JONATHAN DAVISS. what do you think? — JAMES, 24, THEY/THEM, EST.

MENTIONS OF DEATH AND ANXIETY.

profile.

full name: carnelian laramie st. germain.

birthday: july 4th, 1999.

astrology: cancer sun, pisces moon, virgo ascending..

sexuality: bisexual.

currently listening to: rock n roll victim by death.

last known location: [[[cannot be found]]]

PINTEREST.

brief history.

the st. germains have lived in marina since forever - years and years of one shared houseboat, and a scattering of ships all belonging under their one family name. every st. germain born on - board of one; never in hospital.

they live modestly, make their fair share of wages through fishing - what their family has always done, and will likely always do. it's good money, brings them enough to get by and then - so.

carn is the youngest of four; the baby of the family and well - loved on hand - me - downs and the protection of their siblings' collective reputation.

there's a long - known superstition running throughout their family; that they were cursed by a sea witch once, that one member from every generation of their small family would lose their mind, and thus their life. carn always took it for granted - an old tale the older members of their family would spin to scare the young'ins into taking better care of one another.

death; it isn't until his uncle's sudden and unexpected death during their childhood that the curse feels real to carn. he's always been carn's favorite, the same gentle temperament and easy smile - but he changed in the few months prior to his death; would come around confused, or angry - sometimes wouldn't say anything at all but stare, and stare. until he could stare no longer.

anxiety; it becomes a genuine fear of carn's - the passage of time and the deterioration of the mind; jumpstarts their anxiety, a struggle since childhood. keeps them from truly living - from exploring what life could be outside of marina. wants to spend as much time with his family as possible before the "curse" transfers to one of them.

still hasn't done much with his life. figures he'll either have time or just. die. weird acceptance of it - working part time at the diner but mostly on the family's fishing boat, trying to ignore their increasingly irrational thoughts.

facts & temperaments.

terrible at falling asleep - is often up late, looking up to the sky and drawing their own made up constellations. doesn't bode well for their early shifts fishing, or their late shifts waitering - but they're well liked enough that it doesn't matter.

people's princess. the diana of marina. gentle and thinks often of others before himself. gives a little too much just because he thinks that's what's right. believes very firmly in the concept of being a good person.

self medicates <3 loves weed. loves a good #420. dabbles in other good but infrequently because their anxiety sours anything else and makes him think he's like genuinely going to die soon.

anxiety; always in a constant state of sudden doom but it's near impossible to tell because they're all smiles and cool exterior. hates to worry others with their irrational thoughts.

a bit compulsive. has had the same meal at the diner since childhood, goes to and fro' work the same path everyday - hates change, and hates changing; hates everything new.

big on vintage stereos and the like. makes mixtapes for their friends and for every possible scenario and every possible feeling. it's their biggest love language.

can be a bit too idealistic as a way to combat like. the fact they think everything will go wrong and everyone will die and that he thinks something's out to get him. skeptical of others despite this, and despite the one (1) superstition he believes in.

can be a little self righteous in the sense that they think they're always right - can be a little too smug about it; but they're always well - meaning, always wants what they think is the best.

virtuoso don't let him pick up an instrument 'cos he'll start riffing and it will always end up being ska punk. astrology whore; reads the horoscopes religiously and is way too into it.

usually wearing a leather jacket and boots and their natural hair in all its beauty n glory. has too many earrings to count, and just as many tattoos.

falls in love with people everyday. a big lover. can't help it - always finds something about people to be interested in.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

An Army and an enhypen fan??? I thought we were few and far in-between omg. Jungwon is my bias, in a "I wanna wrap him in a warm blanket and keep him safe" kind of way lol. He's such a talented dancer. I know Niki always gets the number one dancer title but I think they both deserve it. I don't think they have one miss in their entire discography and they're the sleeper big 4th gen boy group. Just give them 2 more years.

I think I also saw that you're a jaywon truther? Ignore this part if I'm wrong but so am I lol. I just don't think either of them realise how gone they are for each other

***

Yes on all counts. Goodness, it feels like I've been talking about Enha for like a month straight all of a sudden, (I've also got a side-blog where I post exclusively about them), but yeah I've been into them since their debut and have more or less stanned them since 2022. I wish they leaned more into pushing Ni-ki as a rapper, I'd be a bonafide stan then but even as they are now, they're still the best boy group around so... We agree on that note lol.

And it warms my heart that you see Jungwon. That boy's my baby fr. Him, Jay, and Sunghoon have my whole heart (I'm triple biased) but somehow there's still room for Ni-ki, Heeseung, Sunoo, and Jake. I was telling a friend earlier this year that I've accepted my budget for k-pop has increased and one reason for that is Enha lmao.

As for Jaywon, I honest to god have no idea who they think they are fooling. That look Jay gets in his eyes when Jungwon does anything is a problem. And Jungwon... Gosh. They are down bad for each other and it kills me because I know they'll never resolve it. Jungwon is the biggest, cutest tsundere. He'll never really push Jay, and Jay will never dream of even barely risking to fuck it up. Jungwon is too important to the group for either of them to... You know what, let's just stop here. I've been watching those boys for three years and I just hope they thrive and succeed. They remind me of jikook for a few reasons but are thankfully not all that much alike. Double of either of these pairings would be too much.

Sigh, I'm rambling again.

[ikram1909]

OK but what if in a couple of months, when he's mobile, gavi starts showing up following xavi around like his assistant mini me??

Like on one hand it might help him feel useful and do something related to football and I'm sure it would be enriching but on the other he might get more frustrated for not being able to actually play?

Just imagining it makes me smile so big 😭😭 like can you imagine him and Xavi screaming at the 4th ref together 😭😭 but yeah I don't he'd be able to handle it. He gets frustrated even when he's involved in the game imagine if he watches from the sidelines. Just thinking about his reaction when an opponent is on his way to our box and no one closes in on him makes me laugh he'll lose it 😭😭 tho it might be good for our players since they seem to need him there to motivate them 🤔

[masschase]

For the ship meme, for Casey x Matt, LOVE 1 2 and 3!!

Ship Ask Meme

Hi hi everyone, welcome to my longest answer post ever I believe.

It's also the most spoilery one ever as I decided to use fanfic excerpts to give more of a glimpse of their story to those who've not read it. Some might have some issues with missing italics as they didn't transfer over.

Anyway, if you don't mind the spoilers and possible very brief mentions of nsfw and have some serious time to kill reading about my beloveds, feel free to do so.

1. Who said “I love you” first?

This is like a big thing in my fanfic so I feel like this is going to be one of the worst spoilers I've posted. Like yes, I've talked about their future but this is like... a pivotal point that I feel like so much builds up to. I'm going to straight-up post the excerpt because if I try and paraphrase it just won't sound as good.

But first I have to summarise how it gets to this point. In 2022, Matt, along with a few other Saints ends up travelling back to 2016 to protect the past Boss from an assassination attempt. He ends up being the one best placed to sneak her away from a particularly bad threat, much to some of the gang's chagrin. Kinzie and Shaundi really don't want her to go with him, whilst Asha and Ben are in support, and Pierce is on the fence. So Johnny takes Matt aside to talk to him. (This excerpt is from Matt's POV whereas the rest here are from Casey's)

“I need to know about ya loyalty to my best friend. I need to know you’re gonna protect her at all costs.”. He said nothing more but stared him down hard, his grip on his shoulder tightening and actually starting to hurt a little, an absolutely terrifying expression on his face. If Johnny had a clue, even a single inkling of Matt’s feelings for their shared best friend, he wouldn’t dare question his loyalty to her. The last six months it had spiralled out of control. She defined his every moment, his life; working with her, talking with her, looking at her, thinking of her, even fucking dreaming of her. She was his Sun, his Moon, his stars, and all that other cliché shit, but more importantly she was his Earth even when the real one was gone forever. Grounding him. Making his life worthwhile. How could he possibly explain that in a way that Johnny would begin to understand? He looked at her. Much as he’d tried to convince himself, it was still her. Thinking of her alone out there, the words came to him effortlessly. “I’d do anything for her. I’d take a fucking bullet for her, Johnny.”

Johnny deems him worthy. They end up leaving on Matt's bike and hiding out at his apartment. From her point of view he's a relative stranger but seems nice enough, from his she's just a slightly different version of the woman he's in (he thinks) unrequited love with. One thing leads to another and they end up sleeping together the first night.

Because their attraction is quite intense and the sex is good, they agree to have an arrangement for the next few days until he has to go back. However, she quickly develops vague feelings for him, and obviously he already has feelings for her, even if it's not quite the same her.

Once the threat is over (20+ chapters later), with the antagonist Zinbir telling the Boss he will "see her in 5 and a half years" which does make them all worry about the future Boss a little, he agrees to attend the 4th of July party with her the following day, and then he'll jump back. She doesn't really want him to go. But he's missing the future version of her terribly, as well as worrying about that threat, and knows from their TimeComm conversation that she's missing him too.

So at the end of the night, they go to say their goodbyes, exchanging some heartfelt words. She promises she's always going to protect him when they cross paths in future. He says that he would argue against that, but that next time they meet he's going to be a weedy little 18 year old, so he will appreciate that, plus he feels that's what she's already done for him really. He says he'll protect her in his own way in the future, but realises that doesn't mean much to her past self.

So then he promises that she can always be herself around him. That he can always show the real her and he's not going to think she's weak for wanting to cuddle or feel threatened by her intelligence. That he'll always laugh at her jokes, no matter how surreal or cheesy they are.

“What if they’re not funny?” He smiled. “They’re always funny.” he admitted. “And if you get a little perverted at times... well I can’t promise it won’t have me thinking inappropriate things, but I promise I won’t judge you for it. Because I know you’re scared of all these things that show the real you. But these are just some the things I love about you.” “Matt...” she said, smiling, drawn in by his beautiful words. “That’s so nice... thank you. But... how can you promise all of that when it’s not gonna be you doing it?” “Because...” he said, still smiling. “I already have.” “Oh yeah.” she said with a laugh. She guessed there wasn't much left to say except goodbye. As if reading her mind, she saw the smile disappear off his face in a split second. “Well Matt-" “GET DOWN.” he yelled, grabbing her arm and pretty much flinging her on the floor behind him. “What the-" There was a single gunshot. Matt fell to his knees and then back onto the floor in front of her. She instinctively scanned the street in front of them in a panic, pulling out her pistol.

She shoots at the Zin, though he gets away. Y'know how I said there was a literal Checkov's gun in the first chapter of my fic? It's the pistol we see in the Boss's thigh holster in the old photo of her at this party which she shoots at Zinbir (although it only injures him). Y'know how I said there was a figurative one in the first chapter? It's Shaundi's giant purse in the same picture, that she had everyone's phones in (she is inside with Viola).

As a result, Kinzie and Pierce, who were waiting while Matt and the Boss said goodbye, have to run back inside to get their phones/find a doctor, while she finds and applies pressure to the wound. They're left alone outside.

When she talks about losing friends in the last few days below she is talking about alternate memories. Also, as a reminder... Matt doesn't know the Boss's name at this point. No one does. Even Kinzie and Johnny don't know her full name. Neither has the reader known for the 29 chapters prior.

“Matt... shit, why’d you have to fuckin’ do that?” “It was me or you... so... uh... SHIT THIS HURTS!” he cried out. “You got fuckin’ shot, Matt, ‘course it fuckin hurts!” “Fuck... ah..." he groaned. “Boss...just in case I... y’know... die...” “Shut up Matt, you’re not dying.” she lied, knowing it wasn’t looking good for him. “Just... stop talking; try to save your energy, for god’s sake!” “Just... in...”. He yelled out in pain, interrupting his sentence. “Matt, c’mon, please...” she begged. She couldn’t stand the way he was talking. Couldn’t bear that he sounded like he was slipping away. Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked up and shut them tight. But then she remembered how she'd felt when she thought Johnny died alone, and of all the friends she had memories of losing over the past few days without getting to truly comfort them, and she refocused, looking down to him, letting the tears spill from her eyes as she focused hard on his bright blue ones. "What... is it Matt?" she asked gently. “I just want you... to know... that I love you, Boss.” Her breath caught in her throat and her whole body got goosebumps. Her chest felt like it was going to split right in two. Because she knew he deserved to hear it back. But she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him.  Because even putting all her bullshit aside entirely... she didn’t love him. She certainly cared for him a great deal. She even suspected her future self loved him. But she barely even knew him. What the fuck could she do? “I know you don't... feel the same.” he croaked out, like he’d read her mind. “But I do... I love you...” “Casey.” she said gently. “What?” She sighed. “Technically it's Cassandra.” she explained disapprovingly. “But ever since I was a kid everyone always called me-“ “Your name?” he breathed, shocked even amidst the pain. “Your... name is Casey?” She nodded, looking down at him, her vision blurring from her eyes leaking uncontrollably. He gave her a weak smile and reached up to stroke her cheek. “I love you, Casey.” She leaned down and kissed him, then panicked that she might not be applying enough pressure to his wound and drew back again. “Matt...” she sobbed quietly. “Please don’t fuckin’ die on me.”

So yeah... Matt said it first.

Love 2. What are their primary love languages?

I think one of the first ones I establish with them is thoughtful gifts. Matt is the one who starts the tradition on the ship of time-jumping to get gifts. The very first time Casey kind of appears on Matt's couch at the time she knows he watches Nyte Blayde, she ends up mentioning it's almost her birthday the following week and that nothing will get done for it because the only one who usually remembers is Johnny, who's more of a party crasher than a planner. She doesn't admit it but she's pretty upset this year because Kinzie, the only person who knows she's actually turning 30, doesn't do birthdays. But Matt senses her disappointment.

Johnny did end up throwing her a surprise party. Nothing huge, just some music and alcohol and a cake. She couldn’t help but wonder if Matt had anything to do with that. Verbally he denied it, but he smirked in a way that told her everything she needed to know. His ego couldn’t quite let him deny the credit. He got her a gift. It was a Trapper Keeper and a big stack of paper. She’d had one not unlike it in middle school, but it was a hand me down from her sister, and it wasn’t in the best shape by then. This one was a slightly older design, but brand new. “To write down all your dark, brooding vampire thoughts.” he teased. “Pretty high and mighty for someone who didn’t know what a Trapper Keeper WAS a few months ago.” “Yes, thank God for the internet. Otherwise I’d have been wandering round 90s Steelport without knowing I was looking for a stationary shop.” “You went back in time to get me a gift? Matt that seems... a little risky.” she frowned. They’d only been time travelling for a couple of months, and they didn’t really know the ins and outs of it, but they certainly knew encountering their past selves was, for whatever reason, extremely dangerous. “Oh, don’t worry...” he laughed. “I wasn’t even born yet.” She frowned. “Matt, that is not what you say to a lady on her birthday.” “And are you... a lady?” he asked with another smirk. She snorted. “No.” He laughed. “That’s OK, I’m not much of a gentleman.” She thought about how the Trapper Keeper discussion had come about. No, maybe he wasn’t. But she suspected that underneath all his joshing and sarcasm and ego, he was actually a pretty nice guy. Maybe she needed a friend to just hang out with, without needing to be in a simulation or discussing work or shooting shit up. So the next week, she was already on the couch again when he got there. He didn’t question it that time. In fact, he never questioned it again.

The trapper keeper was relevant because she mentioned in a conversation after they first had sex that she'd had one as a kid (to which Matt said he didn't know what that was, and Casey asked if he was that young or that British 🤣) and the vampire thing was a reference to the fact she admitted she came to watch Nyte Blayde because she identified with Matt's lone hero description of him on his mission.

Anyway, after that they do tend to exchange thoughtful gifts. They don't really have much for each other the first Christmas because she maintained she didn't celebrate it.

He doesn't tell her about his birthday in January, but when he explains his reasons in March she ends up going with him on a time jump to London. They go to Forbidden Planet and he admits he wouldn't mind one of the Nyte Blayde figures. She asks which ones he already has and he explains they were blown up when the earth was, and it's not safe for him to jump back and get them. With some excessive encouragement, she manages to convince him to let her buy them all for him. All but the Cardinal, which was out of stock.

He makes sure Zinjai makes all her favorite foods by her next birthday, and he probably got her another small thoughtful gift, but at the time he was working on a message system that allowed her to send a text back in time to her estranged sister, so that was the real late gift.

That Christmas, she gets him the Cardinal, the one missing NB figure. This is also the Christmas Eve where she realises she's still sexually attracted to him, which is kind of the missing piece in their psuedo-relationship by this point, so I did intend this as representative of 'cardinal sin'. He gets her an electric blanket as she's always cold.

But 'Santa' also got her the flawlessly programmed sim where she gets her pony, Krukov, just like in her letter on the ship's computer. Being that she met Santa a year previously, she takes it at face value until a couple of months later when Kinzie makes a comment about how Santa "sure uses the c-word a lot when there's bugs in the code.". By this point he's back in time and she's realising how much she misses him so it hits her pretty hard.

Anyway, after Christmas but before that realisation, for his birthday, she gets him Nyte Blayde pyjama bottoms, as he mentioned on Christmas eve that he doesn't have any (except the sensory nightmare Saints Flow ones Pierce gave him).

For her following birthday, by which time they are together, he takes her to their half-finished house and shows her the huge library and the shooting range. He also gives her a diamond-studded alien rifle she'd joked about at Christmas. I had a third thing but I've forgotten what it was to be honest. Might edit in when I remember.

I have some ideas for the following Christmas but not quite ironed them out yet. And I'm pretty sure I won't be talking about my idea for his 25th on here. 🤭🤫

Point is, it's a recurring theme that they remember small things the other said and act upon them in thoughtful ways. Not just for gifts but just doing nice things for the other person, Matt especially but Casey does do it at times.

But Matt is also really physically affectionate. To the point when they become friends, he really just wants to cuddle her and touch her all the time, before there's even necessarily romantic feelings that. Casey's not like that. But she does very much need that, so she finds herself giving in, unless it's something that makes her feel 'tingly' (read: turns her on), and she ends up giving friendly hugs or occasionally grabbing his hand.

When a certain episode of NB starts her off crying because of how it relates to her life, he ends up cuddling her, and she can't bring herself to tell him to stop.

Then a couple of months later they fall asleep on each other one night. The next week he needs comforting about the trainwreck that is his love life so they hold hands. The following she's sick with a Zin virus, so while they don't have contact he ends up watching Nyte Blayde in her bed with her. The following she comes to his bed and puts her always-cold hand on his forehead. After that they return to the couch, but after that it seems to end in them cuddling every week, her stroking his hair, him doing her nails, that sort of thing.

So yeah, they already have that background of physical affection, especially with Matt initiating. Teasing and playing around with each other and lighthearted verbal affection are part of their love language too. Them being more seriously verbally affectionate is less common but they do say some beautiful things at significant times.

3. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Seeing as they spend so much time cuddling in private before they're even a couple I'm sure they would get even worse with that. They're just fucking velcroed to each other to each other by this point.

In terms of PDA I think in their minds eye they both thought they'd be pretty discreet once they're actually together, seeing as they were always so private about their fridays, but that didn't last particularly long.

As soon as they walk into the living room their first morning after getting together, Casey lays out the facts: yes they are dating, yes it's a real relationship, no they don't have to make jokes about him being her boyfriend because he is. Of course... she's made an extreme oversight and they start joking about marriage and kids instead.

“Can you lot pipe down before you scare her off?” Matt snapped. “Ooh, someone’s brave now they have their dick in the President.” Kinzie teased. “Not right this second.” he pointed out sarcastically. “You disappointed about that, baby?” the Boss asked him suggestively. “Maybe a bit.” he replied with a grin. “You know, if they’re making you uncomfortable, we can always go back to your room.” “Guys, c’mon.” Shaundi complained. “I’m the fuckin’ Emperor sweetie, every room is my room.” Casey pointed out. He shot their friends a glance. “Well in that case...” he pulled her closer to him and kissed her hard on the mouth. It took her by surprise and she found herself jumping a little before relaxing into it, a slight blush spreading across her face. “EWW GUYS.” Kinzie screamed. There were various moans and groans around the room. When they pulled away from each other, Matt cleared his throat and straightened his tie. “I wouldn’t bother trying to make us uncomfortable.” he said confidently to the room, crossing his arms. “Because we can always outdo you.” “My boyfriend’s an evil genius.” she said with a sly smile in his direction.

After that they just kind of give up and the velcro thing extends to when they're around their friends. They try not to get too carried away when they're working. But I reckon they've both been caught on occasion looking pretty flushed at their desk while the other is suspiciously absent... or to put it more accurately... not visible.

[the-firebird69]

He was exposed all nine months

1 month 3 rads to 5 2nd mo. 7 rad to 9 , 3rd mo. 9 to 12 rad , 4th month 12-15 rads,5th month 15-17 rads, 6th mo a big one yes we do hv children for nine months he small due to exposure no recovery but was there y programmed to be huge 17-18 rafs, 7th month 18-21 rads 8th mo. Final one no he's roasted nope ok so 18-34 rads. 1 week at 34 5 times a day six times a night.

Most rad meters go to 50 yes pure uranium is about 30 rads. Our son can be in contact with it for hours. Yes. Near it weeks or months. You s here morlok would die

The 30 mile caverns will spew 30 rad. Here in Charlotte about 15. He'll be fine didn't need it though would kick growth too fast

Thor Freya

We need to focus on his living quarters now. Soon up but now abismal

..

Olympus good we shall worked all week got this ready we see others get it good

Billy z mad already sees who. Mac left and Ben. Cammilla Trump Dan a few more. It's war.

The rings hot. Glades hot.

Water table is dn. Water all over ok slowly goes to the streams then river then harbors here to ft Meyers blasts muck out by Monday only a foot left most of Florida rivers and harbors middle. Good. Flow will be adequate for most storms. Yes.

Money too. Needs it we're ready soon it will push us need it now most sit and stew. Bad. SS no but ok. They shrink need them out. We shall take over separatist cities the two just said why.

We need to. Many will stay opened. The two will war. Psuedo empire stay in Florida like areas. Now that says it yes. Besides middle areas we need it. They dwindle in several we use it now

Thor Freya

We have to. Excitement ok. We feel it too. Huge ideas like our son and daughter in law. Hehe huge ok. Cigar heaven. He says we'll Have good food we say it too lol they like have we do too.

Elysium the ride and retreat aboard a floating small resort in the air tons love it. Hanglise down to the rest of the resort. RC robot servants and odd games cyberpunk bars below. Back to luxury in the air wow fun ok

We do this now

Olympus

Us too.

Nuada Arrianna

We see him close no but odd. So we see

Wonderful too

Thor Freya

Me too us two

Hera's side God and Goddess

[fryesfables]

Shambles.

March 4th, 2024 11:35AM

Since my last post things have gotten even worse for Hannaford and the deli. Logan was fired for supposedly stealing time. Ben and Nechama have both left because they found different jobs, Chris has put there two weeks in because they found another job. Since my last post, Nate was rehired and quit. Kory may be getting a phone call today at some point to see if he'll interview for seafood again. Matt has taken over as shift lead now. He's done all three departments back there, so I feel he's a valuable asset to the team.

Ashlei cheated on Schultz, so he's been living with Robert and I for awhile now. I'm not sure what his plan is, with Robert leaving in a month or so, it's going to be interesting.

Tasha and I are going strong. She's mentioned a couple of times about trying to get internships out of state, and that's made me nervous. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to hold her back either. I would never tell her this, but I feel like there is a degree of naïveté about how she thinks things work in other places. Rents are sky high right now, and a lot of big cities I would consider safe. Makes me nervous for her, so I've lightly touched on a few of those topics with her to hope she understands what she might be getting herself into if she does move to another state.

My Grandfather Frye died. This is something I wrote on the day I died, or the day after I saw him the last time.

My grandfather Frye passed away today. I was surprised at my reaction, it was quite overwhelming and I had to leave work. I went down and visited with Mum and Am because I knew I would get the most comfort from them. My dad and I went to say goodbye to him last night at the hospital, and it was heartbreaking to here my dad tell him that he had done a good job, and that he treated my grandmother well, and gave her a good life.

It's been hard, but I moved on pretty fast, which is honestly what I think he would want. He didn't want a funeral or anything, so it just seemed like he wanted people to not be sad, but to move on.

[starryjkoo]

About the truck situation i read this today which i agree with...

"Like none of these overstep any of jm's personal choices or creative freedom or autonomy"

there were many things that the fans were upset about jm's 9 days promotions being one of them. Now if the truck made demand for explanation of these kind of things then i would have been mad and sad both cause I know for a fact that it would have made jm feel like he didn't do enough which is not true. but all the demands for which the trucks were send are from comapny and nothing from jm's side. We're not demanding anything from him but the company.

Jm might know many things but i doubt he knows the things that fans knows that's happening here cause the way he only got to know about Marvel using frnd as OST in their movie through fans only was given. I read somewhere that RM said that he was invited to a movie premiere but the company denied it without even asking him. See these are the kind of things that happens in that company and we know how they denied jm more MVs when they gave it to all other members who debuted after him and not only that but made him feel like he was asking more from the company. ppl can say whatever but i don't trust that company a bit. That's a money hungry company with an agenda to prove and jm comes in between that so dought they'll do something more for him.

Now about jm will he feel embarrassed after knowing those trucks were from his fans? Idk but given how he doesn't like sharing much from his personal and professional life he might not like ppl being in his business but do i think he'll be mad at fans? probably No. As far as i know him he'll ask what the demands are, he'll think from company's perspective as well as fans'perspective. this is coming from k fans so he'll think more about it. Idt he'll get mad at his fans but he'll only think of what's going on with his Album and all. He'll try to resolve the things for better.

For yrs memebrs as well as the comapny has pushed some things like who's the visuals? Jin and V, who's the main singer and golden boy? JK, who's the genius? RM, who's the best rapper ? Yg, who's the main dancer? Hoba then what about park jimin? Who is he in the grp? Depsite him having the two imp positions in the grp does he get that acknowledgement ? Hardly.

I remember jm saying "At one point i even thought if going solo is even a good option for him" and giving him all the achievements is the only way we/i can assure him that he's doing great and we are interested in his solo music. Now imagine if he didn't get the achievements he did with face do you think his confidance with making music would have stayed high? No. So that platinum thing made me more mad cause jm is the first one to do that but they made sure to make it look like jk is the first one. Like why is jm supposed to be consider as 2nd, 3rd or 4th when he was the first one? For how long are we supposed to stay still and wait for them to move? The point is would they ever move for him? If he's coming in between their plan why would they? Does jm know his CDs are not getting restocked since 2nd week of song release despite fans making demands but seven's CDs were restocked again and again despite having low sales?we did everything we could in these 7 months for that comapny to make a move but they didn't so idt there's any option left to try.

As a pjm (I'm not a jkkr but i saw your blog under jm's name so I'm just answering) i honestly won't feel embarassed for anything even if jm said it was a wrong move from fans side cause if he's getting known about the situation even through some embarassing tactics so be it.

I definitely agree that I thought the statement wasn’t bad! I think it was good that they just wanted explanations (and the RIAA certification) but weren’t making demands otherwise. But I personally don’t agree with a majority of the statement being a big enough deal to warrant trucks.

I genuinely don’t think there’s a strong logical argument for CD restocks. I talked about it a little bit in a previous ask so I won’t get too into it again here. I’m open to opinions about it of course, but I feel pretty strong about it at this point. I wish HYBE restocked them to help with BBMAs but I don’t think it’s the height of neglect either.

And I think if they could go back they would have had more CDs prepped but I don’t think anyone could have expected billboard to change the rules like that or for LC to hit #1 and desperately need that assistance with longevity. It was shocking and unexpected all around. If Jimin releases another single that is clearly aiming for charts and they don’t give him a ton of CDs and if they don’t have a strategy for longevity -- then I will be going after BH. But for now I’m just going to wait and watch.

Same as Spotify. BH had another one of their artists streams split, it’s not an uncommon thing on Spotify, multi language songs do not seem to be regularly combined. MOAs didn’t expect BH to make a statement when TXTs streams were split, so why do ARMYs/PJMs think it’s necessary? Like I said in another ask, it was traumatic and awful for us, but it’s not exactly their fault.

RIAA situation I agree with. I understand HYBE is inconsistent with applying for certifications but if they were going to do it for one soloist and make a big deal about it they should have done it for JM too. I know they probably did it for JK because the timing worked out well, but it was still a bad look.

I’ll never blame anyone for not trusting a big money hungry corporation but a lot of things people are upset about are based on their assumptions and hypotheticals. I know that Jimin has a good relationship with a majority of the staff he works with, I know that he renewed his contract, I know he’s capable of looking into things on his own without our help if he has confusion or issues. And a lot of the stuff above is seeking clarification for ourselves. We want to know what happened with Spotify, we want to know about CD restocks. How do you know that Jimin isn’t aware of those things? Also no one actually knows why JM was denied a visual album. I don’t like it either, they should give that man whatever he wants, but for all we know it was a timing issue and not a budget one. JM does know though, and I trust him to be able to sort that stuff out by this point. There’s nothing we can do about it now.

Also you say he doesn’t know about the things fans know are happening, but I just want to ask, what else do you think is happening that he should know about? I can’t really think of much tbh. The only thing I hope he knows is that billboard screwed him over and fans showed up for him in that second week for LC. I wonder if some people forget that if we’re just basing success on numbers FACE objectively did the second best out of all releases (maybe even the best in some smaller categories too, like didn't he sell the most albums in JP?). An EP that was supposed to be a mixtape that he considered an unambitious project did all that. I don’t think he was trying to be “#1” with that, pretty sure he said he wasn't thinking about numbers and achievements at all, he didn't release it for that reason. And the streams for LC are actually insane. So I’m really wondering, why are fans acting like the sky is falling and everything is going wrong? Is it just what’s going on with JK? Am I forgetting some key points here (and I definitely could be)?

I’ll be honest with you and say that sometimes I think people see what’s going on in the fandom, the unfairness and unequal treatment and all these accounts that are probably closet akgaes, voting accounts changing their rules because they hate PJMs, big accounts ignoring his brand posts etc and they connect it to their overall feelings on mistreatment and sabotage. But people have to disconnect the fandom from what’s actually going on with Jimin in real life. I don’t mean this with you, it’s just sometimes I see the mood is so bad and everyone is sad for Jimin, and then I realize it’s because some random big ARMY account is showing their ass.

Because you list examples of how some ARMYs talk about JM vs other members, and I agree for example most ARMYs will claim JH is the best dancer but attack you if you say it's JM, but that doesn’t reflect JM’s reality. Because JM has been given probably the most solo stages and a lot of the killing moments in their group choreography. His solo stages almost always make the most buzz, he received a national award for his fan dance even though koobi were also a part of that performance, k-media I think has recognized his dancing more often too. There’s also that whole brand ranking thing where JM is constantly in at least the top 5 despite going MIA for months at a time and just posting random things like eggs on IG. He has always been insanely popular, and I think he knows that. Sure fandom can be weird online sometimes to Jimin, but it doesn’t usually reflect the reality of how popular and adored he is and how fans treat him in general, or even what he sees.

I also don’t think he would have had his confidence knocked too hard if FACE didn’t perform as well as it did. It was pretty clear it was music he was making for himself and he wasn’t even sure if fans would like it considering it was pretty dark and went against a lot of expectations. But he did it anyways because he liked it and connected with it. I mean, he keeps saying SMFpt2 is his favorite song, most of the producers he worked with and the BTS members seem to say the same thing too, but he must be aware there was some backlash around it, and he knows that LC is way more popular. He doesn’t care, SMFpt2 is still his favorite and he feels confident about it. I just don’t think his confidence is so easily shaken. I think he knows how much power he has. But I do agree that as a fan, I’m really happy when we can reach him and let him know how loved he is and how much we love his music. It was amazing giving him that #1 and seeing his reaction and I’m sure we did boost his confidence too, which makes me happy.

And I don’t think he would be mad at fans for trucks. I think he would blame himself for his fans being unhappy even if it's not his fault and probably feel bad on top of feeling embarrassed about the trucks, which is worse to me. Him knowing about the RIAA situation is not worth all that for me. But like I said, I do empathize, because FACE era we went though so much, and I think HYBE deserves criticism for a lot of things (and it doesn't hurt my feelings seeing a company get dragged) but I just think people are really making big issues out of small things.

[racingtoaredlight]

Goodnight, Sweet Prince

Disclaimer: You don't want to read this...it's brutal. I won't take offense if you don't read, but please keep unrelated comments on the Open Thread that will post shortly.

***

This is my 4th attempt at writing something that Willie 100% deserves, but I keep breaking down and I just can't stop crying. I loved him so much, it's just ripping me apart. I loved him so goddamned much.

I was so proud to be his owner. I fucking hate that term, I just don't know what else to use.

I took him everywhere I could. Everywhere he went, he drew people in...this isn't hyperbole, at least once per week I'd be stopped by someone driving and spend a minute or two chatting about him. He was everything I ever wanted in a dog...from his athleticism to his personality to his sense of humor.

Every day I'd get in my car to go home from work, I'd excitedly start my car and say "I'm comin' Willie!" But now he's gone. He's not there to come home to anymore. I walk around my house looking for him and he's just not there.

***

My past four months have been a form of hell, and I've tried really hard not to bring it here...but it's just really hard when that's all you can think about.

I've known my father was going to die since his two heart attacks on the same weekend seven and a half years ago. Those heart attacks happened a month after my beloved grandmother passed away.

I've talked about my issues with manic depression in the past, as well as openly discussed that I've been a danger to myself in the past.

When I was on that edge, my first thought was "if I die, nobody will take Willie, and he'll end his life in a shelter waiting for anyone to adopt him." How could I do that to him again? Despite the shitstorm going on in my brain, even in that state, thinking of him cut through it enough to bring me back.

I don't say this lightly...if it weren't for Willie, I would not be here.

***

My father is in hospice and will likely pass within a week or so. The past four months have featured numerous trips to the ER, doc visits, tests, you name it...pretty much all week, every other week as the doctors kept trying their best to keep a man with a 6% functioning heart and 11% functioning kidneys alive.

The easy parts were running to his place to water his plants. Or coming over in the morning to make him a milkshake while we listen to music. The hard parts have been hanging up the phone or leaving his place, and the first thing that runs through my mind is "will this be the last conversation we ever have?"

The medium hard parts were running to the grocery store or the pharmacy in between meetings. Or preparing him 3 days worth of food in the 45 minutes I had before a guitar lesson. And 1.5 of those days I'd be throwing out the next time I stopped by.

The hardest part was wondering who'd go first.

I never complained about any of this. I'd do it again for the both of them without a conscious thought because I love them both so much. But it wears on you. Month after month does a toll.

***

I've been doing all of this, on top of an insane pace at work, on almost no sleep.

The vet told me to keep a diary of his health throughout all this. You notice a string of bad days, but the first good day and a half and all of the sudden that concern washes away. Keeping a diary allows you to get a relatively objective look at your dog's health, and notice long-term trends.

Unfortuantely...as I've known with my dad's heart condition, sleep is a big factor...I tracked Willie's sleep and got a wonderful look every day at how little I'd gotten over months. Months.

And I knew I lied in the diary. I didn't want to admit to myself that Willie's condition was getting so much worse...even if I couldn't ignore the 8th straight day he'd wake me up before 3am. Let me put it this way...in the last three months, I've had six full nights of sleep. Another 12 of days he woke me up after 3am. Every other day was a 2-3am wakeup call, and three of those days were no sleep at all.

It wasn't as simple as getting up and letting him outside to relieve his fading bladder...the next hours before I went to work were spent comforting him on the couch, as his increasingly weakening heart pounded like hell to circulate enough blood through his system.

He didn't wake me up all those nights because he had to pee...he woke me up all those nights so that I could make him less afraid of his heart feeling like it was drowning due to an edema. He'd get comforted and calm down to sleep just around the time I had to get up and get ready for work.

And every morning, every day I'd come home from work...whenever I'd leave him...there was a simultaneous terror combined with hope that I'd find him having passed away in slumber. A peaceful, painless, natural death.

***

There were so many good memories of our time together, please don't ever suggest that I'm glossing over them. I am at a certain peace...it was his time, it was a wonderful goodbye, and so many of my friends and family have come to his support, that's brought me to tears separately.

He was a special guy, he touched everyone's life that he met. He was wonderful with children, wonderful with others, terrible with other dogs (but you can't win em all).

Those memories will always come back as long as I still have a functioning brain. Right now is so close though, all I can feel is loneliness.

Over the years, I've shared numerous anecdotes of Willie because I was so proud of him that I wanted that joy to be spread to others. But all I can feel is the pain of having lost my best friend.

There's a common refrain "you don't know what you got until it's gone," or some variation of that. I thought I knew what I had in my relationship with Willie...but given this gigantic empty space in my heart, this giant fucking chasm, I somehow underestimated how much he was giving me.

***

The thing that scares me the most about the future isn't losing my father, it's losing a grasp of joy.

Pretty much everyone here knows I struggle deeply with anger issues and have a darker side that I try really hard to keep tamped down. I talked about this with my therapist yesterday before the vet came over...

Willie was always a bulwark against the darker side of my brain coming to the front. Even in my worst moods, where I'm borderline psychotic, even just looking at him would bring me to a calmer, sustainable place psychologically. "Those" days at work? They bothered me less knowing I'd be on the couch chillin' with my big boy in 15 minutes.

As his condition worsened, so did the vet bills and trips. $100 a pop, $450 for an echocardiogram here, $200 dog cardiologist fees, $180 for a Lasix IV there, $150 every month for his heart medication, $50 per month on all the stuff he needed for his arthritis, and it seriously just goes on and on. Thousands and thousands of dollars over the last four months. Nevermind the car trips there and back that wreaked havoc on his heart...

But I would have done fucking anything for this dog. Anything except selfishly keep him alive when he's telling me he just can't anymore...I knew it was the right thing, and I feel like I fucking completely betrayed and failed him, at a time when he needed me the most.

That helpless feeling..."I can't do fucking shit"...I'd find myself at 3am googling "if you love a dog enough will it live forever?" You know the answer. I knew the answer. That's where I'm still at.

***

I should've quit writing this paragraphs ago...I'm just fucking sobbing and this isn't doing me any good. And I can't just talk about the good times, because all I can think of is that those times are gone. Every time I think of something beautiful or joyful, it's immediately poisoned by an onset of sobbing because I miss him so much already.

You all know how much Willie meant to me. I don't have to make the case for that...I loved that dog more than I've loved anything in my life. And I don't give a shit if you think that's sad or immature or lame.

I kept quitting this and coming back because he deserves it. He deserves to be commemorated for the tremendous companion he was...and as much as I'd love to be able to write that piece that makes everyone happy and celebrates him, I just can't write that piece right now. The joyful memories will come when I'm in a healthier state, I'm certain of it.

But I can't keep writing this and just crying all over myself. He deserved a much better eulogy than this, but this is the best that I could do. It feels like I failed him already yesterday and now I feel like I'm failing him again.

Willie was the greatest dog in the world, my best friend, my savior, and adopting him was the single most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I'll love him forever no matter what. I'm just really hurting right now.

***

During this time, I've been trying to think of something to preserve his memory with what few skills I possess, and I have no idea how to do this or even get it started, but I want to start a non-profit called The Willie Fund where I can link with pit rescues across the country and provide funds for palliative care and dignified, in-home euthenasia for those in their communities that need it. I don't know where to start but I have to do something.

And thank you guys for letting me share Willie with you all these years. I'll be back at some point.

*The pic at the top was taken months ago, not yesterday...it's just my favorite serious picture of the two of us and thought it was a respectful image to remember our relationship by. I loved him so much and I know he loved me too.