#he’s the kind of guy that will just eat the pickles he asked to not have cause he thinks it’s the universe punishing him

[afterartist]

I try to write Barrier being all vengeful and intimidating but he cried for a solid 40 minutes after seeing a kitten sitting on a fence

My guy is such a mess and I don’t state that enough

[6okuto]

KENMA RELATIONSHIP HCS

gn!reader, timeskip mentions

isn't a pda guy, but will fall asleep on your shoulder/rest against you as he games, and if you play with his hair, who's he to say no?

if you change your contact name in his phone, he keeps whatever it is, even if it's super silly or cheesy. like okay call "my honeybear darling angel 😚". he says it's because he's lazy but he does find it kinda cute/amusing

you cheer for kenma at practice in like, a sort of exaggerated way, like "gooo kenma!!! yeaahh!! let's go kenma!! kenma! kenma!" and he tries really hard not to look at you—not because he's annoyed, but because he doesn't want you to notice how red his face has gotten. his teammates point it out anyway

lol his team using you as motivation. "don't you want to impress them?" and kenma's like 😒😒 but gets up from the floor

kenma teaching you how to play his favourite (co-op) video games!! he's pretty patient and explains things well, so if you don't have a lot of gaming experience, don't worry too much ^^ buttt if you're competitive, get ready to Compete. he seems like someone who doesn't take it too seriously unless you start (jokingly) shit talking him

he'll try out any games you like too, even if it isn't something he'd pick himself. he doesn't really plan to when you're describing it, but then he thinks about it, or sees a post mentioning it, and the curiosity (And Affection 4 U :3) gets him

easily notices if you've gotten quieter/tired when you're out. if you're with a group, he'll tap your shoulder and offer his own, ask if you're alright, and or make up an excuse so you can both leave. if it's just the two of you, he's quick to find a place to rest for a while

he'll never make you join if you don't want to, but fans eat up any videos or streams with you—they make edits and compilations of you walking in during streams and everything. the amount of begging for a q&a and story time of how you met is crazydsjdhsj

chat is soo annoying about it too /lh "no they're not single," "i know they're out of my league," "yes they were my first subscriber," kenma telling you not to answer them when they ask if he's clingy, etc etc

! i think it'd be cute if you guys had matching phone cases, but his fans didn't know until you showed up with the other one. and they realize Just how much he has on that's matching you—the bracelet and necklace that they catch glimpses of under his hoodie, the hoodie itself from the same line as yours... yeah.

time for "he said no pickles." unless you also don't like asking/don't care,, then you guys can just take the pickles off together <3

^ if it's a serious mistake they made with your food, kenma's a lot more compelled to approach the counter.

would teach you about stocks. if you asked

mutual info dumping and yapping... he's very aware of how much he's telling you the first couple of times, but gets more comfortable when you do it back !

^ kind of guy to do his own research afterward. he makes a semi-obscure reference/joke the day after and you're like ???? Who told you that.

kind of boyfriend who hears you go "i want him" "wait why's this character kinda..." and isn't like, that offended or put off by it. says "understandable" (or questions your taste), but knows they're a character at the end of the day

quality time kind of guy. people know you're special even if they don't know you're dating because you can convince kenma to go to events or try something new when they wouldn't expect it. (obviously it's never something crazy out of his comfort zone, and it's probably because he knows you'd feel better with someone with you, but he's going all the same!!)

kenma isn't the best with receiving words of affirmation or gifts... he appreciates it, but gets awkward and doesn't know how to react ^^; you reassure him that he doesn't have to jump for joy or be super affectionate back—he shows his love in his own ways !

his gifts are very thoughtful. he gets you something practical, and then things that you've really wanted for a while. his cards aren't filled with long letters of adoration, but they're genuine and very much kenma. (+ having money in the timeskip doesn't mean he'd ever buy something expensive or flashy just because it might be 'easier.' it means he gets to buy you way more merchandise for your favourite media, paying the shipping fees that kept you away.)

you get him a super thoughtful (and maybe expensive) gift and he Lights Up. and then he's like ? you remembered / really paid that much ? really ? and he keeps smiling when he looks at it..

kenma coming downstairs with super bad bedhead and pouting when you snicker. but then he relaxes as you comb your fingers through to fix it

tying up his hair... a little ponytail or bun...

matching pajamas... or those fluffy headbands you wear to wash your face... he looks so silly and cute

university student kenma who walks in visibly irritated, and you know you're about to shit talk his group members or professor together.

late night breakfast. sitting in the kitchen eating bowls of cereal past midnight

! late night gaming sessions... and or sometimes you fall asleep waiting for kenma to finish, then wake up to realize he fell asleep at his desk. you have to coax him into bed after saving the game for him

very nervous during the first year you're together any time there's a holiday, especially valentine's day or your anniversary. he wonders if his plans and gifts are enough, not romantic enough, too boring, if you'd rather do something exciting, even if logically he knows you'll like anything he thinks up

sometimes you guys will just lie on the floor, stare at the ceiling together, and talk. maybe there's music, a game menu screen playing in the background, or you're just listening to the birds and neighbours outside. floor time is healing all the same

bleaching kenma's hair + him helping dye yours... timeskip where chat asks if you've done your hair recently because his hands have been stained :')

it's super easy to team up with kuroo to tease him but also ! teaming up to taunt and prank kuroo !! think of kenma laughing bright and loudly, eyes squinting and arms clutching his middle !! kuroo can't be that mad because he's happy someone else can get kenma this happy too

🏷️ | @icekitgeorge3 @dira333 (hey guys) @pelicanpizza @godoffuckedupcats @causenessus @priv-rose @ur-local-simp @respitable @deepenthevoid

[nyuoqi]

            — SO I MARRIED MY ANTI-FAN     ౨ৎ     SES

OO7.    old times

✸ SYNOPSIS !  : congratulations! you have been invited to korea's #1 romance reality show 'We Got Married' where you will be living with your co-star like a married couple. but what will you do when you find out that your husband is actually your anti-fan?

(626 words, not proofread)

"MY MANAGER JUST TEXTED me that he will come pick us up for today's activities. " EUNSEOK mutters as he munches on his breakfast. 

the breakfast in question being a sugary pancake paired with pickled radishes. despite you telling your friends that this dish is not that bad, you must admit that it indeed, tastes terrible. never once in your 22 years of life have you ever thought that you will be eating such combinations for breakfast but here you are, munching down the food while pretending that it tastes nice.

besides how could you point out the terrible taste when your fake husband is clearly enjoying them. you can't just reject such act of kindness, can you?

"do you know what the activities would be? " you push your plate away from you and reach for a glass of water, thanking the heavens for giving you a way to escape from eating this hell of a breakfast.

EUNSEOK stays silent for a while as he types on his phone before nodding negatively. "he did tell me to dress up casually though, said something about how we have a costume time change into later. " his words a bit muffled as a result of him talking while eating. 

you chuckle at the sight, cute.

spending a day at your old middle school is definitely not what you think you will do with your future husband— maybe not really, considering the fact that he graduated from here unlike you who left to debut at an early age.

now with the both of you clad in your old school uniforms, you must admit that you're quite confused about how you didn't noticed EUNSEOK back then. he's an eye candy after all.

"for today's activity, you guys will be spending a day as a middle schooler. worry not, you will only do fun activities such as lunch times, recess, after school and so on. no classes nor learning! " the pd explains. both you and EUNSEOK cheers when the pd says that you will not be learning.

your first stop is the cafeteria. the both of you rushing to get in line which nearly ended in an argument— well at least not until EUNSEOK decides to make your heart flutter by saying ladies first.

settled down in your seats, you and EUNSEOK dig in your lunches while talking about old days.

"i don't want to make myself sound entitled but how have i never noticed you before? i'm pretty sure i knew everyone back then. " you asked, your chopsticks hanging mid-air. 

EUNSEOK furrows his eyebrows, "you don't remember me? " he mutters, making you panic slightly, "i'm sorry but what do you mean by that? "

"oh nothing. it's just that we actually participated in the same maths competition, i was in my 2nd year while you were in your 1st year of school, you won and i was the runner up. " despite him smiling while telling you that information, the fire and sirens going off inside EUNSEOK's brain says otherwise.

you cover your mouth with your palm, "oh my god, you were in that competition? how could i not recognise you? " you pout, "i remembered the runner up being a guy but i thought he looked different. but well, i guess it was you all along. "

EUNSEOK laughs through his gritted teeth, "haha, i had quite a glow up, didn't i? " he jokes.

you are still in awe at the unfolding scene in front of you. "i can't believe that after all these years we would reunite with each other as husband and wife. it's almost as if it's fate! "

"yeah, fate. " EUNSEOK swears he can feel his right eye threatening to twitch but he contains it for the sake of the rolling cameras.

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[libraford]

The Pickle Ball drama is wild!

For those that don't know, pickleball is like if you played ping pong on a full size tennis court. It is generally considered an 'old people's game.'

Retired people wake up early in the morning and the first thing they do is go play pickle ball with their likewise early-rising friends. I'm talking like... 5:30am. And the first thing they do when they get there is complain that the bathrooms aren't open.

Of course they're not open. The park employees don't get to work until 7 and the facilities don't open until 9 at the latest because we only got two guys to unlock the whole city. Calm down. Go before you leave the house or get comfy with the bushes.

Well, someone gave the Head Complainer a key to the bathroom. Because we seem to reward this kind of behavior, I guess. So when I get to Madeline Park at like 8:30 the bathroom is already unlocked. But I still have to clean it.

Before I do that, though, I have to take care of the trash. Today, it is full to the brim with beer bottles. I'm pissed about this because it was clearly the pickleball folks who were drinking, which is illegal on the premises, but as previously mentioned- I'm not a cop.

But more than that I'm pissed that there's broken bottles in there, which is a hazard to me. I have to double bag the trash and be really careful or I'll have a sparkly glass shard bracelet.

I run my arm along the rim of the bag and it comes out...red? I didn't think I got cut. It is undeniably blood, but more notably it belongs to someone else.

Well, I'm washing that arm thoroughly. I scrub it off my arms in the women's room and use hand sanitizer, and then clean the bathroom while im there.

I go into the men's room to do that one next. There is blood on the sink, the floor, and the toilet. And y'know, I'm used to blood in restrooms, I'm just not used to blood in the MEN'S restroom. It's not like... a fatal amount of blood, but more blood than should be outside of a person.

Well, that's no good. I clean it up, but it's eating at me that I've already encountered human blood twice and it's not even 9 yet. So I go over to the Head Complainer and I ask him:

"Hey uhhh... there was a lot of blood in the men's room. Is everyone alright? Do I need to file an accident report?"

He gives me a good-natured laugh. "Oh, that's just Greg. He came over from Kauffman Park and I have to say- didn't like the rules he played by."

Oh my God what a vague and horrible answer. I cant tell if nes joking or not. "Is... is Greg okay?"

"Oh, ha hah ha! He's fine, he's just back at Kauffman Park where he belongs."

"Oh! Okay then. Ha...hahah..." Absolutely terrifying.

Day 7/50.

[silentmoths]

Acts of Service

The voices are still whispering and @dustofthedailylife may or may not have implanted some brainrot as we both sat and mutually gushed about how blade is a misunderstood wet dog of a man.

Blade x Reader (gn, no actual gender mentioned)

SFW, fluff and Comfort ig...honestly I dont really knoww hat to tag this one as other than just...my own ramblings abt how blade isnt just a bloodthirsty killer just LOOK AT HIM PLEASE- Not proofread, 1.2K words

When asked about Blade, most everyone would reply that he is cold, standoffish and intimidating. He looks like the kind of man who wouldn’t hesitate to end you if you accidentally put pickles on his burger.

The Stellaron Hunters would say otherwise; sure, he looks intimidating, but he’s actually a calm, thoughtful guy. The kind of man who, after several years of living with solely women, doesn’t even question when Silver Wolf, Kafka or Firefly ask him if he can go to the store, he already knows, hell- half the time, he’s already got what they need, and if he doesn't? He knows what they want before they even say it. 

He’s more attentive than people give him credit for, like a cat, lingering in the corner, but keeping watch over his territory and those he has deemed ‘his’ people. A wallflower some might say…just...one that would occasionally lash out if he deemed someone’s presence unworthy or unwelcome.

He is far sweeter than people believe, the rumours about his bloodthirsty and violent nature, and the bounty to match only serving to cover up the man beneath, the man he keeps out of the public eye the most.

Because for you? For you, he’s never been anything but attentive and kind.

He would never say it, but everything he does for you screams the lengths he would go, he would move mountains for you, destroy planets, solar systems, entire galaxies if he had to. 

It was in how he touched you; bandaged fingers always always careful, no matter how many times you assured him that you were not made of glass. It wasn't fear, you think, that kept him in this state, more like a reverence, like he was a child, and you were his most precious treasure, something he would not, or could not dare break, fold or crease. 

It was the way he always leaned his head down whenever you spoke to him, not condescending, but acknowledging. Even if his eyes were elsewhere, he always makes a point to let you know he’s listening. He takes your suggestions to heart always, he listens to your woes, sometimes he will offer words of encouragement, and sometimes he will offer his sword, if that was what would rid you of your problem faster.

(you had yet to take him up on the offer of the sword)

It was the way he cooked, despite seldom eating himself. He claims that food is simply nutrients for his body, and when he eats for himself, it is almost always something plain and easy to procure…but if he had deemed it long enough that you, or the other’s had gone without, he would rise from the couch and cook a meal that was far more complex, he was a surprisingly good cook, Xianzhou cuisine etched into his muscle memory to the point you’re sure he could make some of these dishes with his eyes closed…and yet it was only ever for you, for the girls, for literally anyone he cared enough for but himself, that he would showcase this ability for. 

You knew he struggled with memory, with himself, with his past and his present. He never verbally acknowledged it, and you think it’s because he doesn’t want you to worry; but you worry anyway, because it’s Blade, and with all the time and care he puts into you and the other Stellaron Hunters, you think he deserves that much. 

He’s far fonder of physical touch than he lets on. He claims he cares little, but the fact he seemingly physically cannot fall asleep unless he’s holding something close to his chest states otherwise. In the privacy of his own quarters with you, it’s rare that you part. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, Blade wants to be a part of it, no matter how big or small. Reading? You find yourself pulled into his lap as he leans against the wall, working on something? There’s usually a hand on your thigh, or an arm wrapped around your waist.

He liked to bite on occasion too. Nothing wholly terrible…a love language with no words. The soft nibbling of teeth along your shoulder as he holds you, or the way he would timetimes lift your hand, just to bite down onto it- this could could mean a thousand different things that he couldn’t say; ’I missed you’.

’Don’t be gone so long, next time.’

’I love you.’

You don’t need to know the exact meaning, his presence, and the act in itself was enough.

Blade liked to claim his body was nothing but a weapon, he did not understand why you saw attraction in it, but he doesn’t stop you either as you carefully unbind the bandages to see him properly. 

Nor does he realise that the scars littering his body are far more sensitive than he gave them credit for. Each scar was a story, but a story lost to the mara; his memory too foggy to discern most all of them.

All but one.

His chest, the large, jagged scar that took up near all the space of his right pectoral, long, long since healed over, but still visible. Slightly redder than the rest of his skin, pulled tight, especially just over his heart. You knew, of course, about Dan Feng, about why Blade hunted his reincarnation, but to see the scar made something twist in your gut.

Slowly, you reach out to brush your fingers along the centre, for a brief moment you feel Blade’s rabbiting heartbeat before the man lurches- his hand gripping your wrist like a vice, the pressure only growing stronger as he scowls, you gasp out as you feel your bones creak.

And just like that, the pressure lifts, the wild, frenzied look in his one visible eye fades and you see the rare flicker of concern as he hunches, his hand no longer squeezing, but cradling your wrist as his other arm comes to brace against your back. He looks horrified with himself, at what he’d done. 

“I-” He chokes out after a long moment of just…staring. “I didn’t-” 

You know, you know he didn’t mean it. You weren’t upset; perhaps a little spooked yes, but not upset. Scars held pain long thought healed, yet no matter how faded, they could still sting.

“It’s ok.” you whisper, lifting your other hand to brush some of his bangs out of the way, catching a rare glimpse of his usually covered eye. He looked like a kicked puppy, like he was expecting you to toss him out in the rain. 

You could never.

You don’t need to say anything else, knowing too much reassurance would only lead to Blade second guessing things, so you content yourself with pressing your uninjured hand to his cheek and smiling. Watching as Blade leans down and quietly presses kiss after kiss along the wrist he’d nearly snapped.

It was in these acts of service that he showed he truly cared.

Taglist: @stygianoir @meimeimeirin @ainescribe @dustofthedailylife @rjssierjrie @crystalflygeo @angel-of-requiem @asoulsreverie @zomzomb1e @moraxsthrone @mysnowmanandmebaby @inlustris-is-slowly-dying @pvbbyb0y @queen-belial Want to be added to the list? shoot me an ask~

[lemonisntreal]

TONE DEAF :: Rosita and Norman <3

The first in a [hopefully] series of redesign + headcanon posts where I give you my take on a character for my AU

I'm grouping the two together because a] a lot of fluff headcanons I have, they share [because they're literally husband and wife]. And b] if I made an individual post for every single character, I... would go insane. So yeah. A bunch of characters are gonna get clumped together.

[FULL MASTERPOST HERE [yet to be made <3]]

HEADCANONS // BACKSTORY ⬇️

Me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic [also autistic]

Both of them are the same age, mid to late thirties.

In terms of general intelligence: Rosita has gifted IQ, while Norman is at genius level.

I know. I know Norman seems kinda dim in the movies. But guys [LMAO]. "I know it looks like there's nothing happening behind those eyes, but...... he can make entire computers!"

He's so smart yet so stupid. He's that kind of character. Like he can do all of this super impressive shit, and is super talented and can do math like BOOM done, but he's also kinda a "deer-in-the-headlights" when it comes to life [I LOVE HIM 👹]

Both of them worked hard and have their college degrees almost completely paid off at this point because of the scholarships they earned.

Rosita has a degree in engineering, Norman's a computer scientist.

They're both in STEM, it's just that Rosita likes to handle more of the mechanical aspects of things while Norman's better with the technical stuff, which I think is cute af.

Yin and Yang <3

This dynamic is just how they are too. How they act. Like for example, Rosita can be very to-the-point-

She's very much a problem solver and will get right to it once she understands what she's doing. Like yeah, she often takes a very methodical approach to it [see the scene where she's got all the papers laid out to try and learn to dance- very new territory for her], but once she learns, she gos all in. And EATS.

Norman's gotta have a plan before doing anything, meanwhile. He has a morning routine that can't be interrupted or else his whole day and mood will be thrown off. He reads through a recipe twice before even starting. That kind of stuff.

He's a lot more hesitant to even try.

A lot of people find Norman boring. But Rosita is enraptured by every word he says, she LOVES his long spiels about hyper-specific [and often mundane] things.

AAAA--

Norman is also a closeted DORK. He ran a tabletop games club in highschool with a couple other of his geeky ass friends [he's still into D&D to this day and has introduced Rosita to the game too]

[she's fun to play with, but super competitive. This goes for ANY game, actually, not just D&D. She'll kinda accidentally turn everything into a "contest" due to her inability to not do her very best] [it's mostly inspirational, not annoying, if that makes sense?]

I also wanna say Norman was in a weird amount of drama that he didn't want to be in at this time. Like all of his friends had falling-outs, and he was just always caught in the middle of it.

He's afraid of confrontation [UNLESS IT'S FOR HIS WIFE] [HE STANDS UP FOR HER RAHHHH] [this is gonna happen when I get to rewriting Sing 2, he's NOT just gonna take Crystal calling his WIFE "mommy pig"]

They're sooo "excuse me, he asked for no pickles"

Norman and Rosita technically met in high school, in Junior year when Norman first moved to Calatonia.

WHICH, he and his family did this because this was a point in time where laws having to do with the rights of animals were VERY flimsy, and Calatonia was one of the first and only safe places at the time-- for Pigs especially, actually.

The 3 Little Pigs is deadass CANON TO SING. So Pigs were/are actually a marginalized species in this universe.

[[during the warring period that I have yet to really talk about, they were often victims of the anarchy and poaching, so stigmas and insults around them still exist to this day]]

[[[[see Jimmy Crystal]]]]

So anyway, they "met" in high school- Norman totally crushed on Rosita from afar whenever he'd catch her in volleyball matches-

Rosita had a major tomboy phase throughout high school, slowly falling out of it during college [still only saves dresses and skirts for special occasions really]

[[Fun fact, Rosita is also sapiosexual [attracted to intelligence] [Roxanne Ritchi ahh] ]]

[[Norman is bi]]

They actually got introduced to eachother and had a proper arc when they went to the same college [which might've been a college in Redshore actually? But I'm not 100% sure on that headcanon. It would line up since Rosita's "wanted to perform in Redshore since she was a little kid" and Redshore is obviously a massive city with a lot of notoriety. Idk though- and it's not really that important to the story anyways]

Norman and Rosita had plans together- they were gonna make it big and live freely. Things were looking up with the lawmakers, who were finally repealing a bunch of nasty stuff that was put in place during the war times. And the two had hope that their dreams could actually be accomplished.

Rosita, who was originally gonna play it safe and become an engineer, was now thinking about attempting to become a performer [which Norman has supported since the beginning, he LOVES her singing, and often tells her that she's "better than some of the people I've heard on TV!"]

But. Life got in the way...

Present day, Norman works in Redshore at Crystal Enterprises. He's the head of some sort of organizational team- not really working on what he loves at this point.

And this is because of their children, who were a very sudden appearance in their lives [which is why we see so much struggle in the chaos at the beginning of the movie in this AU]

Rosita stopped everything, and Norman grabbed the first high-ish paying job he could, spending all his spare time on clocking in overtime hours.

The kids are all adopted, and there's only 6 now: Oldest Caspar [13], twin boys Mickey and Moe [11], middle child Kelly [9], little bro Freddy[8], and Zoey the sweet baby sister [6].

They became foster parents after the death of Rosita's sister [this hc is kinda subject to change, but this is the story rn. I'll specify on this later ☝️]

So Rosita's kinda put her life on hold for these babies. She's such a great mom to them, and they love her and Norman so much

But some of the older kids [Caspar specifically] are kinda in a rough phase since they feel like she resents them [which she doesn't], or that she isn't their "real mom" [which she IS]

This is like an E plot in the story, but definitely's gonna get at least a little bit of focus.

Rosita and Norman's marriage is falling apart just a little bit due to burnout, but it'll get better <3 [I can't do anything tragic to these two they're too sweet]

Norman snuggles up to Rosita in his sleep. Rosita starfishes LMAO

They wake up entangled. This is normal.

"Pig piles" are also a thing- there have been several nights where all six children "had nightmares" and so the family of 8 all slept in the same bed.

Norman has the best bond with the two girls out of all the children. They immediately latched onto him to be their level-headed dad.

Rosita can carry two kids at once easily, and often "relocates" them like this :>

She's probably the strongest out of everyone in the troupe if you don't count the potential Meena has. She solos.

She's constantly taking notes on everyone and everything around her. At the theater, you'll catch her tidying stuff up she spots out of the corner of her vision while you're having a conversation with her [she's still listening]. She knows everyones favorite foods, and allergies, and their preferences in things, etc. She's the most attentive and considerate out of all of them [the mom]

She may have a touch of OCD.

She gives the best hugs.

Rosita is also a FANTASTIC cook [not even a headcanon, I'm pretty sure the entire fandom agrees on this one] and often bakes stuff for her sweet-toothed children [and husband]

This is actually how she initially connected with Caspar, who refused to eat or speak at first when they were all placed with Rosita.

Cinnamon rolls.

Kelly will only eat the frosting off the top, and has ruined an entire pan before by doing this.

Rosita actually isn't the biggest fan of chocolate, small detail.

Idk why she just strikes me as not being an enjoyer.

Loves vanilla though. People are furious when she answers "vanilla" with zero hesitation to the chocolate vs vanilla question.

Norman is kinda a hopeless romantic, or at least really enjoys the aesthetic of it [in a sweet and not shallow way ofc], and goes all out every Valentine's Day: balloons, flowers, the works. He's learned that Rosita prefers strawberries over a box of chocolates, however. Has a tradition of getting a fruit basket for her <3

They also have a tradition from all the way back in college, where they go out to eat at specifically the in-universe equivalent of Olive Garden [which was the fanciest thing they could afford at the time] and eat a shared giant plate of spaghetti.

Norman loves coffee. Insists he likes it black but actually prefers a good 50:50 ratio of creamer and coffee.

Norman is also ☝️ lactose intolerant LMAO

[[or would be, if traditional milk was widely accessible/a thing. I say "lactose intolerant" but what I really mean is he's allergic to most milk substitutes- like nuts and soy [gives him tummy ache, not anaphylaxis] ]]

God, parenthesis are carrying me so hard rn.

Stopping here because I'm tired, but I could go ON about these two omg-

Normita forever rahhhh <3

[bluemari23]

Hello Mari, how are you? I was very happy with the new notifications! Your writing is one of my favorites🙃❤️.

If you feel comfortable, could you write a headcanon aimed at the BTS members where we are the boys' romantic interest, being the 8th in the group? Maybe a foreign member.

NOTE: Thank you very much for your attention! I'm happy to see you back, a big hug❤️.

Hello! thank you so much!

and i took this almost as a poly idea the second i read it, so thats kind of how i wrote your ask if that's okay! :)

bf!namjoon who constantly tries to hide negative comments about you during live, not wanting you to see any hate for being their 8th member. He and the boys know that your relationship with them is a secret, but cant help but to still try to protect you from anything and everything. Knows when something is wrong during an interview and immediately will send a signal to their manage that the interview is over. Tries to be a confidant to you and help you integrate into idol society as their new member.

bf!jin who just tries to do whatever he can to help you in any way. "Oppa will do it". Knows you are independent but loves to help you with the little things like opening a jar of pickles. Will keep snacks near by for you knowing how you tend to stress eat. Will forever be your cooking buddy despite you loving to bake. Wants to try to bake for you but you might need to help him not put too much baking soda into the baked good.

bf!yoongi who may not show it, but is so in love with you that he knows everything. he is so observant and knows exactly how you like your orange peeled (with none of the white stuff left because you can't stand the texture of it). Loves that you will hold his whenever he wants and for as long as he wants. Will never move first when cuddling on the couch, waiting until you make the first move. Is the first to sense something wrong by watching your facial expressions and body movements (like how you rub your fingers together when nervous or anxious).

bf!hoseok who takes extra time to help you learn all of their choreography so you don't falll behind with their new music/choreo. Is the best at getting you up and out of bed when you feel down from the hate youre getting online. will bring you your favorite coffee/tea when he knows you have an early morning. buys you your wardrobe (along with jimin) as they both want to dress you and take pride in the fact that you were the clothes they buy you. loves to dress you up in matching outfits.

bf!jimin who is very cuddly and affectionate. loves to lean on you and have you lean on him. spends a lot of time just being a buddy while you do chores or are getting ready for a schedule. just loves to being your ocmpany, not needing anything planned. will just lay in bed with you for hours, keeping you from stewing too long on things not in your control. stops the company from putting you on a diet for their next comeback because you are absolutely perfect to him and the boys.

bf!taehyung who loves to go explore with you. any new city you guys go to he likes to take you out to explore life in the city and find new places. loves to buy you accessories like scarves and sunglasses because then you guys match. taehyung who reads out all the "marry me y/n" and maybe makes some up just to see you smile and politely decline. loves trying to get a reaction out of you and maybe tag teams with jungkook to see who could get you flustered the most first.

bf!jungkook who loves to assert his dominance and "throw you around". loves to pick you up in his arms and throw you onto the couch or bed before smothering you in kisses. keeps you favorite treat in his bag so he can share it with you before jin sees. loves to do karaoke sessions with you on live and gets frequently caught by army staring at you in awe. jungkook who insists on sharing verses with you because he loves how your two voices mesh together. jungkook who knoes exactly how you like your ramen and makes it up before bringing it to you with a grin on his face.

[stinkfacestories]

The day you found out you had won Jason Kelces Beard Challenge was the best day of your life. The challenge was simple: put together a snap or tiktok video of how to get a beard as good as Jason and the top winner would win a day with Jason. Your video was a long shot: you made a tiktok showing how if you mixed essence of dwarf, with a bit of neanderthal, and just a splash of viking inside Abraham Lincoln's hat and applied it to your face, you'd look as good as Jason. It did t get very many views but Jason loved it. The next thing you knew you were in Philadelphia meeting the man himself at the airport.

The tour of Philadelphia through Jason Kelces eyes was a lot of stops at places he loved to eat. Steak sandwich, sausage, pizza, ice cream. The man just loved to eat. As the day dragged on just as Afternoon turned to evening he took you to Lincoln Field, his home turf. There was no game and the place was locked down, but that was nothing a few signed balls couldn't handle.

He took you to the locker room, the place where he told you he feels most free to be himself. You both sat down on the bench in front of his locker. He took out a case of bud light and cracked one open. The man drank so much bud lite you swore he was sponsored by them.

He told you to be quiet. To just listen to the sound of the room. To drink it in and become one with the soul of real American football.

The only thing you heard was the bench breaking as Kelce leaned forward and let out a fart with a satisfied grunt.

"Oh, sorry," he said, not sounding very sorry.

"Really? " you said. You looked at him, almost appalled that he would do that with you right next to him.

Jason turned and gave you a wink. "Dont tell me you don't find farts funny. Your a guy. All guys love farts." 

You rolled your eyes. "Not really."

"What about this one," he said and let loose a loud bassy fart.

"God stop it, it's so gross," you said as you slid away, but suddenly found yourself pressed against the wall of the locker room. "Seriously dude. What the fuck?"

"C'mon," Jason said as he moved over towards you. “I warned you. Remember when I ate that large sausage with pickled garlic ave said ‘were in trouble later’? What do you think I meant.” and placed a hand on your chest, giving you a bit of a push. "Don't be a prude."

You were caught between a wall, and a wall of beef holding you in place. "Seriously, stop it".

"Can't stop. Won't stop," he said still pressing you in the wall. His eyes were the kind of dull that only cheap low quality beer can make the."You know I bet you never had an older brother. Between me, my dad and Travis we learned to appreciate farts. My dad told me that the best cure is exposure. So to get you up to speed I think I need to gas you more"

He  pressed into you and lifted up his keg and let loose with a fart so powerful it echied through the empty locker room.. You struggled to get away from the horrible stench, but couldn't escape.

"No, don't do this," you said as it overwhelmed you.

He turned around and pressed his huge soft center lineman ass in your face, the soft fabric of his shorts spreading across your face like warm dough. It was too much, and you were powerless to stop it. His asshole flexed and relaxed as it sent out a long drawn out series of wet sounding farts. You gagged as the air around you filled with the horrid odor.

"Fuck that was a good one," he said, not budging an inch. “Three point stance just rips these farts out of me.”

"I think I'm going to puke," you said, trying not to vomit.

"If your gonna puke, aim that way, I like these shorts." he said pointing. "Do you think it's funny yet?"

"No!" You coughed.

"Alright you asked for it" he presses his ass harder, wedging your nose on his cheeks. He let loose with a rapid fire volley of farts that left you breathless and coughing. He backed away, chuckling at you.

"God, fuck, that's rank!" You coughed. You tried to breathe fresh air but the locker room had been total polluted by Kelces ass.

"Come on. You don't have to love them, but you gotta at least admit they are funny and manly now. How can you like football and not think farts are funny." he let you stew and come up with an answer.

"Fuck...no," you say.

He shrugged. "Ok. Your loss," he said and pressed his ass in your face again.

"No! Please. God. No. Fuck!"

"What's it going to take? Do I need to pull my shorts down and give you a bare ass stinkface?" He said, pressing even harder.

"No! No more. Fine. They're fucking funny," you cried.

"What?" He said. "I couldn't hear you"

"They're funny!"

"Now are you just saying that to make me stop?"

"No, I mean it. They are funny and they are manly."

"Well, if it's funny you won't have a problem asking me to do it a few more times so you can properly laugh. Right?"

"Uh...fine. Sure. Just, please, no more, I can't take it."

He turned and farted once. "Laugh. Laugh hard and long and deep." He was getting frustrated that you weren't laughing. "Seriously come on guy. This is just as bad for me as it is for you. It's hard to hold this position and if I keep farting I'm going to have to take a dump soon"

"Oh god no!"

"Laugh dammit!" He yelled.

"No, no, I can't."

"Fine then," he said. He pulled you down and set you face up on the bench. He loomed over you. "Ok big fucking guns time" he pulled down his shorts and hovered his raw hairy bear ass over your face.

"Oh shit, dude please don't!" His as was a beast. This close you could make out the rough skin. His ass had taken a pounding over the years and looked like a hefty bag overfilled with cottage cheese. The hair on his crack was dense and black. 

"Do you think this is funny?"

"Yes, yes, fuck, yes!" You were sobbing, your body convulsing.

“Good. Then you'll find this hilarious.” he sat down. He sat down hard. He rocked back and forth, the wiry hair of his ass crack scouring your face. He dug deep like he has an itch he was trying to scratch.

"Laugh. C'mon. Laugh, laugh like a big boy." He said, simultaneously belching and farting.

"Ahahaha!" You started crying and laughing.

"Oh fuck. What a fucking cry baby. Laughing at farts is supposed to be funny. Not sad."

"I'm sorry," you sobbed.

"Just...fucking stop," he said, standing and pulling up his shorts as he got off you. "Baby can't handle a grown man's ass. Jesus fuck"

He sat down next to you. You were still shaking a little, tears coming from your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said.

"It's fine, it's not the first time I've gassed someone like that," he said. "your not the only one who cried either "

You sniffed, still wiping tears away. "It was just so...overwhelming. The smell, and the sound, and the pressure..."

"It was a lot. It was," he said.

He drained his bud light and crushed the can. "Ok second chance to get it right." He leaves forward and farted, then looked to you to see your reaction.

You laughed. A genuine laugh. "Fuck, dude."

He smiled and farted again. You kept laughing. "It's funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is," you said, laughing some more.

"Now you" he said 

You panicked. You didn't have to fart. You were to nervous.

"What the hell. Do it"

"I don't know if I can," you said.

"Come on. Do it. Do it" he chanted.

"I can't."

"You trying to make me mad? You're a guy. You should always be ready to let rip"

"But I'm not drunk like you are. And I'm not a fucking monster with an ass like yours."

"Fine, then, let's fix that." He reached down and ripped a huge one. He reached for his phone and placed a call "Trav. Yeah we got an emergency. Yeah get that chili defrosted and get some real cheap beer. Ooooh and some gas station food. Yeah he's a wimp. Didn't laugh. No he did. Fuck no she can't come to.  Alright. Love you. No homo" he hung up the phone.

"Your brother's coming over?"

"Yup. And he's gonna be pissed if you don't laugh when he cuts one. He loves farts. And he's got an ass that could kill a guy."

"Wait..."

"We're going to our man cave. It's a cabin in the woods. Just guys. Strict no pants policy. You better hope Trav remembered his boxers. You are gonna learn to love being a man like us and become the third Kelce brother, or you ain't leaving that shack."

"What's it going to be like," you said, afraid, but also excited.

"Oh, you're gonna hate every minute, and you're gonna love every minute."

"Fuck. I'm going to get wrecked, aren't I?"

"Oh definitely. We will probably fuck up your head so much. You're going to end up with a fetish for this."

You laughed.

All you could do was laugh.

[transingthoseformers]

Nononono. I love SG!ConstructProwl. Because consider in IDW Baseline he never accepted them truly and they left him.

In SG they are successful at wooing him.

Oooooh.

Concept.

In SG it is the Constructicons are medics. In BL, they forcibly converted Prowl because of orders and feel in love with his brain. In there's during the SG!ProwlOP divorce, they find him beaten and broken left to die, and having seen what he went through feel sick at the idea of leaving him, and his Spark case is compromised. So they temporarily hook him into their Gestalt system since it is made to accept others, but Prowl latches on to them and is utter enraptured by their loyalty and love. He knows it exists but feeling that kind of loyalty and naivete about being goodness in the world after everything he sees is charming and what's more he wants it. So they've been chosen by a feral sleazy cat/mean girl who is very much now "Optimus who?" and eyeing them up while they squeak and push at him with a broom especially since he refuses to break the bond and gives them sad cat eyes that they know–they can feel his think which is beautifully sharp and horrifically clear and calculating–it is fake but the thought of hurting him and echoed memory of rejections and beatings and not being enough that radiates at the spark of him makes them unable to let go.

Even more Prowl is more than rwady to go full ride or die and has decided to be their murderous "he said no pickles" girlfriend and torment them into not overworking themselves and glare at the Decepticons who ask for assistance or projects and make sure they eat and are fed and have a schedule. The Constructicons overextend themselves to support everyone and have issues saying no.

Prowl does not.

The Decepticons are horrified at the implication of taking advantage and Megatron finds himself agreeing with Prowl about them taking care of themselves while they get upset at first but reluctantly admit he's right.

"Of course I am." Is Prowl’s only response as he shoves cube of Energon flavored to each of their exact tastes and locks down their work stations (Soundwave conveniently distracts Shockwave so he can't help them hack back in) and shuffles them to berth.

Hm, I have thoughts now about Workaholic!SG!Constructicons and their small bossy new self-assigned wife.

Exactlyyyyyyy

In SG, they said "we may or may not be able to fix him but we can try"

Also yes yes on SG medic!constructicons.

Exactly, SG ProwlOp is a toxic relationship I can absolutely see happening as an on/off thing that's been going on since before the war but of course this is the final off switch.

They just have to save him, they've gotta. And they do. Prowl happens to latch on very tightly and does not want to let go lol

It is such the opposite of canon and now he's the one who is sticking close by, because he has felt Positive Emotions that do not come from someone else's Negative Emotions for the first time and he's hooked.

"Would you like me to kill that guy???"

"... No thank you, but it's the thought that counts?"

Yes I'm fiddling around with the constructicon's colors and I am so tempted to keep the purple and not the green

Awww yes and he is making sure they don't implode by being selfish for them (oddly selfless of him, but he'd deny that)

Sdfg yep yep he is their evil bastard they have adopted and he's bullying them into self carem

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

just a girl 2

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as possible cheating, low self-esteem, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you move in with your sister when your luck turns for the worst.

Characters: Walter Marshall, possible Andy Barber

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

"How about something to eat? You hungry?" The man startles you as he closes the gap, looming at youe shoulder. 

You face him as your eyes round and you look past him. Everyone else is absorbed in the real party, meanwhile your sidelined with an unwanted shadow. Why cant you just be invisible like you always were? 

"No thanks," you lie. 

The smell of the barbeque is making you hungry but you don't want to give this guy any invitation to hang around. You only came for Rhiannon. You don't know why this guy is even sniffing around. 

"You vegetarian or something?" He prompts as he gestures with his beer bottle. 

You shake your head, "appreciate it but I'm not hungry." 

"Well, not hungry, I'm Walter." 

You crinkle your brow and blink at him. He nods and cringes. 

"You know I heard one of the other guys make that joke... wasn't funny the first time." 

You swallow and try to laugh, letting out a rocky croak, "um..." you give your name and tuck your thumbs into your front pockets. 

"Ah, finally, got something," he gives a slanted smirk. "So, how about a hamburger?" 

You purse your lips. You said no. You don't like repeating yourself. Just like most people, he isn't listening to you. 

"I should go find my sister," you step towards him and he moves with you. 

You stutter step, thinking for a moment he means to block you in. He backs off and extends an arm towards the rest of the yard, "maybe I'll see you around the block. Place gets boring between all these barbeques..." he finishes off his bottle of beer and eyes its emptiness through the brown glass, "I could use a distraction." 

You continue past him and take long steps across the grass. Very strange. You don't know what to make of that. Distraction? 

You hear Rhiannon before you see her. Shes giggling with one of her friends.... Staci Ann, you think. You can't keep track. She has a plate of salads and a half-eaten hot dog. She looks up as you approach. 

"Hey! Oh, didn't you grab some food?" She trills. 

"Um, no, I... it's okay." 

"No, you should eat! It's so good. They have chicken burgers." 

"I... okay." 

You turn and slink away, evading the eyes of Staci Ann and the other primped housewives. You approach the picnic table and grab a bun. You add some mayo and mustard, a slice of tomato, and a pickle, then scoop up some salad beside it. You wait your turn in the line for the barbecue and ask for one of the pale chicken burgers. 

You walk away with your fare, nearly colliding with another body. You lift your chin in fright, tearing your attention from your food. You gulp at Walter as he squints and eyes you up and done. His lips twitch and he points at you with the neck of the bottle in his hand. 

"Gotcha." 

You back up out if his way and look past him guiltily. He doesn't say anything else as he stalks by and you quickly turn to look for your safe haven. Rhiannon is lost amid an even bigger cluster. You sigh and drop your shoulders. 

You sneak over to the gate. No one seems to notice as you let yourself through the wooden door and tramp out to the front. You sit on the curb and balance your plate on your crossed legs. 

You feel bad. That guy might be a stranger but he wasn't rude. And what did he mean? Gotcha? Does he think you're a bitch? Maybe you are. Some would say standoffish or shy, but you're probably just ignorant. 

You put the top bun on the burger and hang your head. No matter where you go, you just dont fit. Hopefully you can get out of Rhiannon's hair sooner than later. You'd hate to give her a bad reputation by association. 

👟

The days are a gray smear across your consciousness. You wake up, trawl the internet for postings, and hide away from the world. You have to keep at it. Something has to give. Rhiannon seems so certain that a miracle is on its way, you just know you'll probably have to settle for less than you want. 

That morning, you wake up with a crick in your neck. You yawn and sit up as a pang shoots under your shoulder blade. You turn your legs over the edge of the bed and bend over your lap, reaching to the floor as you try to stretch your lanky arms. 

You stand straight and raise your hands toward the ceiling. Your tee shirt lifts and shows your tummy as your pajama shorts feel even more scant above your long legs. You roll your neck one way then the other and let out a whimper. Big mistake. 

You lumber to the door and listen through the wood. Your room opens into the kitchen. It can be awkward when you walk out and there's someone in there. You learned to be cautious when exiting. 

You inch open the door and look around the morning din. You cross the cool tile and take the tin of coffee grounds. You fill the filter for the machine and snap it into place. For a moment, you stop to envy your sister's perfect life as the overpriced brewer starts to whir. 

You lean against the counter and bow your head, rubbing your neck. You blow out between your lips and groan, turning to rest against the corner. You let out a babble as your surprised by a figure in the far doorway. 

Your sister's husband got back the night before. You were certain to make yourself sparse and kept your headphones on later than usual. You stand straight and keep your hand against the side of your neck. 

"Morning," you utter. 

He stares at you as he slowly crosses the kitchen, coming around the other side of the square island, "morning." 

You shy away as he takes out a mug and puts it heavily in front of the machine. He snaps shut the cupboard and you put spqce between you and him. You feel the tension roiling off him. Since you got there, he's been tense and you can't blame him. You're crashing in his spare room when he should be enjoying his newlywed status. 

"Wanna put some pants on," he says as he crosses his arms. 

You gulp and look down, "I have... shorts." 

"Coulda fooled me," he sneers, "my house." 

"Sorry, I... sorry." 

You retreat and hurry back towards your room. You didn't think they were that short. You feel the back hem. They end just at the top of your thighs but don't show anything more than leg. 

You glance back at his broad shoulders as you close the door. His teeth shirt strains across his back as he presses his hands flat to the countertop. You find a pair of sweats in your bag and pull them on. 

You don't go back out right away. You hope to wait him out and listen for the machine's grind to end before opening the door. He's still there, sipping his coffee as he stands at the island, his phone on the marble top as he scrolls with a finger. 

You take out a cup of your own and fill it. He clucks and you put the put back on the burner. He sighs and glances at you from the corner of his eyes. 

"There's instant in the cupboard. It's cheaper." 

You wince, "oh, sorry, I..." 

"You know, this isn't a charity--" 

"I... I offered Rhiannon money for groceries--" 

"She's too nice to take it. We both know that. It's my house, so talk to me. You wan a contribute, I'll gladly accept." 

You stare at him sheepishly then look at the coffee, "okay." 

He huffs again, "I don't get it. How are you related to her?" 

You shrug, "I'll get out of your way soon. Promise." 

You drag your feet around the counter and he tuts, "no food in your room. I don't need ants." 

You stop short and turn back to him. You don't get him  either. You don't get what Rhiannon sees in him. 

You near the island and sip the coffee before letting the mug rest on the marble. You peer down at the dark liquid, wallowing in his roiling silence. He bends to lean on his elbows, slurping and tapping at his phone.

"You ever keep a promise?" He speaks at last and his blue eyes flick up, "just wondering."

You frown. You have no right to argue or get mad. He has every reason to doubt you. You're certain he's heard all about your mess ups.

"Well, you know," he stands and lifts his mug and swipes up his phone, "maybe you should find a man. Maybe he could put your head on straight."

He turns and struts away, leaving you to rot in his judgement. You can't even do that. You're just a burden to everyone, even your own family.

[daydream-believin]

a real stand up guy ba dum tss

summary: you get stood up by an internet man. douxie, your waiter and secret admirer, remedies that jackass’s mistake.

warnings: uh. swearing, alcohol, i’m too lazy to proof, the yooj. oh and doux doesn’t know how to handle this crush without getting slightly into stalker territory sorry. its a red flag but i think its cute. you may not think its cute.

a/n: tumblr was glitching while i tried to post this so idk how many paragraphs i accidentally erased. i mean i tried my best to make that number 0. but anyways if something is off let me know. the challenge for this one is that im not allowed to use italics. which you should know was very hard for me agshjfkgjdjh

taglist: @moppetwithamanbun @alovesongshewrote @blixeon @prismarts @fantasyiswaybetterthanreality @ukuleles-and-roses

okay quick psa i know it’s been years so if you want off the taglist just hmu. also if you were on the taglist and got taken off thats bc tumblr says you don’t exist anymore

uh this was a request. i’m not doing requests tho dont think that. looking back yeah that ask if from march 2022 and this doesn’t even match up to what you asked 😂 im so sorry @rose-writes-shit

you took a peek at your watch. 7:34 o’ clock. letting your head fall into the open palm of your propped up hand, you sighed.

coffee meets bagel boy was supposed to have met you at 7:00.

of fucking course. you let your plucky pink-haired coworker convince you to download a fucking dating app and make a profile, just for the only guy who had actually been interested enough in you to ask you on a real date to stand you up. makes sense.

it’s not like you’ve ever had luck with these kind of things. it’s not like you’ve ever had luck period. your kind might be the black cat of humans.

you’ve spent way too long eating the free bread at a mr. benoit’s of all places. it was the “classiest” establishment in the certain suburban hellscape of california you inhabited, albeit. you took in the scenery for the millionth time that night with a renewed sense of disgust. at least now you had a legitimate reason to hate this place.

your waiter slinked over, and you could tell he felt bad for you with the awkward shuffling gait to the pity grimace on his face.

“so, uh, perhaps more bread?”

you rolled your face towards him, arbitrarily throwing animosity his way with your dead eyes, just because he was there. but soon your compulsive desire to be the funniest pathetic wretch in the room won out.

“i’m considering burning this whole place down right now, actually,” you joked.

he grit his teeth, sucking in a breath, “could i perhaps convince you to do that on a night i’m not closing, instead? tomorrow is my least favorite coworker’s turn, for your consideration,”

“hmm,” you pretended to think, “i’ll do that then, it’s only kind,”

“thank you for your generosity,” he grinned, “now, are you still waiting for someone or?”

-

douxie had been watching you for over half an hour now. not creepily. he swears. he just got a little excited when he saw you come into the restaurant is all.

anddd maybe he might have badgered the host into giving you one of his tables. but again, he was just excited. he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to you for the past three months, after all. forgive him for jumping on the opportunity.

he maybe fancied you. just a wee bit. perhaps a rather large bit. or at least, the version of you he’s cooked up in his head from the way he sees you interact with people at house parties and the things he’s heard from zoe.

but he’s sure he’ll love you. as soon as he gets to know who you actually are. which, hopefully, is about to be sooner rather than later.

he did not anticipate this situation, however. whatever benevolent deity blessed him on this night decided to throw a jar of pickled herring in with the otherwise yummy pastry filled gift basket they left for him.

not long after you arrived at 6:56 pm, not that he marked the time you came in or anything he just happened to glance at the clock around that time, he watched you, how they say, deflate. your demeanor shifted from antsy to sad to downright annoyed.

you were dressed nicely. not fancy, not pretending like this wasn’t a benoit’s. but nice. orderly. like you wanted to make a good impression on whoever it was you were expecting to meet. so either a date, or mayhaps a job interview.

not that you didn’t look nice or orderly on other days. you just weren’t in your hex tech uniform shirt. or in the incredibly casual clothes you wore when he saw you around. you were just. clearly cleaned-up, is all.

whoever it was, it was obvious that they were not coming. doux applauded you for being patient enough to wait this long, but again, they obviously weren’t coming. which, if it was a date, was good for him, but bad for you. very bad for you.

and honestly who does this person think they are? letting you down like this? horrible. disgraceful. this person was a grade A jerk-off. they have to be dead from the neck up to leave you waiting here like this, publicly embarrassing you as you sat at a table set for two all alone at one of the busiest restaurants in town. shame on them.

he was glad you seemed to be in the joking mood, however. and about arson, too. oh, he’s always had a soft spot for arsonists.

he hoped you’ll forgive him for having to do his job. if it was up to him, he’d give you all the bread in the pantry just so you wouldn’t leave. but alas, he had to deal the killing blow.

“now, are you still waiting for someone, or?”

your eyes drifted downward to the empty wineglass in your hand as you swirled it sarcastically as if it were still full.

you sighed, “yeah, no, it’s clear he doesn’t plan on showing,” you looked back up at him ruefully, “i’ll order now. i shouldn’t have waited this long for an internet man, anyway, huh? could’ve made it less pathetic.”

“i don’t think there’s a way to make these things any ‘more’ or ‘less’ pathetic,” he began taking out his notepad, ready to write, “because i wouldn’t call it pathetic at all. getting stood up is a thing that’s done to you, not because of who you are, but because of who someone else chooses to be… unless you stole this guy’s car or something. then it’s your fault.”

you laughed. genuinely.

“no, no, it’s a first date. i haven’t known this guy long enough to steal his car yet. but thanks… that’s. a better outlook than mine. kinder,” you apologized, “… uh, can i have like, the cheapest bottle of white wine you’ve got back there? the whole thing this time.”

“i take it back. that definitely made it pathetic.”

while you shared a laugh, douxie mentally congratulated himself. you had just given him the information that a) you were single and b) you were into men. a good day to be a charming single man, then. he had a chance.

“so are you ordering any real food as well? or did you plan on just having wine and bread for dinner? have to say, i don’t think that’s wise, love.”

“well i suppose i gotta, since, i’ve, uh, eaten three baskets of complimentary bread,” you stumbled over your words for a second there, “and i’m sure it’d make the manager mad if it didn’t, right?”

“right you are. he’s uh,” douxie lowered his voice, “he’salreadybeenonmydickaboutyou so yeah, you gotta. plus i’m just— you should eat something, yeah.”

you awkwardly turned your attention to the menu as you did that thing where you hold it and pretend to look over the menu as you order like you forgot or something, “the duck confit sounds good for tonight, i think,”

douxie snorted.

“no, no, that wasn’t a joke,” you shook your head, smiling fondly, “i actually just like duck, i promise. no sarcasm. i do understand the irony though. i get it.”

he didn’t completely believe you, “well then, one order of duck confit, coming right up. be back shortly, love.”

doux grabbed the breadbasket on his way out.

when he glanced back to throw you a short and unnoticeable but longing stare, as he paused in the kitchen doorway, you were fidgeting with the flowers on the table. he should get that order in now.

-

when your waiter came back with food, he placed two plates down on the table. you looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head as he took the other seat as well.

“what are you—“

“i called in a favor with the owner. i’m still working but, i’ve got a bit of free time now. if you don’t mind me joining you,”

you shook your head in astonishment.

“not at all,” you smiled, still absolutely flabbergasted that this man would do something like this for you, “you’re douxie, right? zoe’s mentioned you a lot.”

“oH—,” he coughed, “oh, uh, she has?“

“yeah,”

he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “only good things, i pray?”

“oh, sure. sure. good things,” you took a demure little sip of your glass to torture him with the pause implying the contrary.

he swallowed audibly. nervous, then. what dirt did zoe have on him. you watched as he awkwardly shoved up the sleeves of his shirt, perhaps feeling a bit warm now. it was cute.

you’d be sure to ask zoe all about him later. how could you not. this was the most interesting thing to happen all year. and it’s december.

you racked your brain for what you knew of this guy for conversation topics.

“you’re in zoe’s band, right? the lead guitarist.”

his face lit up at the mention of it, “oh, yes. you’ve seen us?”

“once or twice, i believe.”

it wasn’t really your thing, live music. you mostly hung around the back of the bar when you got dragged to shows. you liked loud, sometimes. just not often. it really depended on how your brain was feeling that day.

“well, you’ve gotta come to the next gig, then, at least. i’m sure zoe’s already invited you?” you nodded. “the venue’s holding a wee little music festival, it’s going to be nuclear,”

“ah, that’s fun,” you smiled. that sounded like hell but now that two very enthusiastic wizards have invited you, you don’t have the heart to weasel your way out of it. you’ll bring the “XTREME” ear plugs.

“but yeah, the bands great. i love that i get to play with my mates now. a team that works as well together as we do is rare, so i really appreciate them.”

“speaking of,”

doux hummed inquisitively.

“what’s going on with zoe and that new girly y’all’ve got on the drums?”

“oh,” he paused to take a sip, narrowing his eyes mischievously, “they’re boning.”

you clasped your hands together excitedly, “thank you! you’ve just won me a betting pool.”

he almost had to spit the wine back into his glass,“hhhh. how many?”

“oh, just the entirety of the hex tech arcadia staff.”

“i’m not sure she’ll be happy to hear that.”

“which is why you won’t tell her, mr. casperan,” you placed your hand over his with a cheshire cat grin.

well, he couldn’t argue with that.

dinner progressed. alas, you can’t say you lingered as long as you wanted to on conversation. you were kinda rushing things because you felt a little guilty doux was getting someone to cover for him while you had your little date. was this a date. it had to be. as mentioned, he’s going out of his way for this, and you can’t imagine he’d go through all this trouble because he wasn’t interested in you. but then again, you couldn’t believe he was interested in you either.

“do you like cryptozoology?” douxie tried his best to ask nonchalantly while he scratched the bridge of his nose to look a little less interested. he was feeling a bit energized since talking about the band. you had been paying attention to him like he’d been paying attention to you, if only in passing.

“a tad more than the average californian wizard, why?”

“well, later this weekend, i’ve got a job exterminating a goblin infestation in the next town over,”

“snelling?”

“yeah, snelling. the guy i was partnering with told me he was backing out this morning, so now i’ll be going it alone. and im sure you know how fighting goblins alone usually goes.”

“makes it easier for them to gang up on you, yes.”

“see, that’s why i’m asking if you’d be interesting in taking his place?”

“well, i’ve got the weekend off and nothing to do,” he knew that, he got the hex tech schedule from zoe every week(to know how to schedule band practice. and, if he also took a peak at your schedule, it was purely accidental. yeah.), “so, i don’t see why not.”

doux grinned, both relieved he wouldn’t be fighting goblins alone, and feeling clever that he found an excuse to spend more time with you, “perfect, i’ll text you the details? but, oh, i don’t have your number do i?”

you were about to ask why he couldn’t just tell you in person right now, but he said that soo hammy. it took .01 seconds to understand what he was doing. you snorted.

“okay, okay, here,” you held out your hand and he gladly placed his unlocked phone in your hand. you made the contact and sent yourself a text of the first emoji he had in his recents, which happened to be🫀. ah, a goth romantic. you gave him back his phone.

“perfect. thank you, love.” he tucked the phone into his chest dramatically before placing in back into his pocket.

you rolled your eyes fondly, “you know, goblin smashing isn’t exactly my idea of the perfect second date, you might have to turn up the charm.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ll make it worth your while,” he let his head fall into his palm propped up on the table, gaze going soft, “so was this a perfect first date, then?”

you laughed, “hardly. all things considered. but—“

“but?”

“but i’m glad it happened this way. i’ve had a good time, mr. casperan.”

he grinned in agreement, “me too.”

you put your hand on top of the one he left resting on the table, and he took the opportunity to take that hand and gently lay a kiss to the top of your knuckles. he lingered for a moment, eyes shut tight to take in the tenderness of the moment.

alas, he has to go back to work now.

doux pulled out your chair and helped you to your feet. you thanked him as he started stacking the dishes.

“should i—?”

“no, god no,” he chuffed, “i’m the waiter, remember? i work here.”

“oh yeah.”

that reminded you. you shuffled for your wallet, but he stopped you.

“i’m paying for dinner, love. go enjoy the rest of your evening, i’ll text you after i close.”

“you sure?” it didn’t really sit right with you, considering he probably took a pay cut by not working the whole time you were on this little “date.”

“well,” he paused, and placed the dishes back onto the table for time being, “you could leave me a tip, if you know what i mean. just a teeny thing—“

“c’mere,” you snickered as you pulled him down by the lapels to kiss him.

chaste, just a peck. but perfect and sweet all the same.

when you pulled back, you watched as douxie held his eyes closed for just a moment longer than he need to before letting that blinding all encompassing smile bloom across his face.

“well then, a very goodnight to you, y/n l/n.”

[tokiwarcube]

Can you do one where the boys react to their s/o who really likes spiders that has one as a pet?

Ooo, for sure!! I'm actually a spider enjoyer myself, so this was a fun one to work on! I desperately want one as well, but with how much I've been traveling for my job + education (and my concerted lack of fellow spider-lovers in my life), it just wouldn't be feasible. Wasn't sure what kind you've got, so it's pretty broad (although I'd love to hear about your little guy!) Regardless, below the cut -- enjoy! 🕸️🖤🕸️

Nathan Explosion

Brutal.

He’s not afraid of spiders, but he does have a very typical view of them. All long legs and venomous fangs, he thinks the fact that you keep them as pets is fucking awesome. Doesn’t matter if it’s a harmless little jumping spider or an OBT — he thinks your little guy is brutal.

He likes to watch them feed— it’s sweet, he does a little subconscious, congratulatory nod when they grab their snack. Nice.

Although despite his fascination with them, he’s not too likely to accept any offers hold them himself (assuming they’re of a size and temperament to be held). Hearing you talk about them and how fragile they actually are, he’s terrified of moving wrong and dropping them, or otherwise causing harm, you know? Big guy, little animal. But cup his hands with yours a bit as you guide them onto his hand, and he might ease into it a bit.

On the rare occasion he has to take care of them in your absence, he absolutely talks to them. And he totally sends you blurry, out of focus photos of your spider completely missing the insect he put in their enclosure, and God, you can feel his exasperation through the screen.

“Your child forgot how to eat.” “Our child, you mean.”

And let’s just say that your little one is quite the source of inspiration… Castratikron II came very naturally after learning about how they were first brought into the world. Tell him some more spider facts while you’re at it — if you get them to him at the right time, you might have an arachnid-themed album soon enough.

Pickles the Drummer

He doesn’t mind spiders — he’s pretty indifferent to them, honestly. His mother was terrified of them though — Calvert never cared enough to get up off his ass to help, and Seth seemed to follow suit, so Pickles was usually the one handling them when they would skitter into the house. (Not that this netted any bonus points with the family, mind you.) So when you tell him you've got your own little eight-legged friend, there’s a twinge of respect.

Although beyond that, he’s again, pretty indifferent. He’ll sit with you when you upkeep their enclosure and feed them, watching curiously — although I will admit, he flinches hard if they strike at your forceps, or run away unexpectedly. You can laugh at him, it’s okay.

He refuses to hold them though — doesn’t matter how handle-able they are. He knows he’s way too shaky just as a person, and with how fragile they are… Yeah, he’s not risking it.

Stresses hardcore if he ever has to take care of them in your absence, but that’s just because he has anxiety more than anything else. He 100% talks to them when he has to go into their enclosure to change water or leave food — it’s more pleading than anything else though. They seem to sense his anxiety, and like to give him a hard time because of it. And if he sees them in a molt? Panic. Expect a million and a half texts asking if he’s doing anything wrong. (He never is, they’re literally always fine —he’s just nervous. He knows you love them, and he wants to make sure he’s not fucking anything up.)

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Listen — I say this as a devout spider lover AND Skwisgaar lover. But it does take him a little while to warm up to your little one. He’s not arachnophobic, mind you — it’s just such a cultural phenomenon, you know? Hard not to absorb those thoughts when they’re all you ever hear about an animal. But I think that with a bit of time and education, he could easily fall in love with them just as hard as you have! They’re very elegant creatures, no?

He looks at them with curiosity when you go in to upkeep their enclosure, and over time that look of disgust grows into something more fond. Eventually you catch him looking at them when you’re not around, just watching them exist. Their little legs, reaching forward to pull themselves along — precise. Calculated. And isn’t it fascinating, the way they exist in their own little world? So different from our own? Everything is connected in life, and yet, their little eyes only see so much.

This is all to say: He grows to like them quite a lot! He’ll take up your offer to hold the little guy eventually (assuming they’re handle-able,) keeping his hands steady and low to the table. He’s very careful with them, and after his first successful handling, he secretly becomes very eager for the next time you offer.

He still dogs on them though, as he would with any pet.

“Your idiot childs ams never going to makes it through the winters,” he says, watching them strike at their water bowl. “They could never survive in the wilds.”

You sigh. He isn’t wrong, unfortunately.

Arguably the most normal about things in the event that he has to take care of them in your absence. He does scold them for doing stupid shit as well. Truly, he fills the role of spider dad better than you could have ever hoped for.

Play your cards right, and you might find him looking for a little one of his own... I'm just saying, he would do well with a pretty little orb weaver of some sorts. Those delicate little movements and intricate webs just scream Skwis.

Toki Wartooth

Skwisgaar’s hesitance has unfortunately rubbed off on Toki, but once you start talking about how much you love them? He flips pretty quickly! The species doesn’t really matter to him — big or small, they’re all really cools! Although he is very partial to the little guys — jumping spiders of all kinds are favorites of Toki’s! Although he is also very enamored with little web-weavers, too.

He likes to watch them move around, just marveling at the way they exist. Can you imagine moving that many legs at once? Wowee! Or watching them groom? Drinking water? Cool! It’s honestly really cute how excited he gets when they come out into view. He gets a bit startled if he watches a bigger species rear up or strike, but it’s more reflexive than anything else — Brutal!

He also takes up the offer to hold your little one pretty quickly (assuming they’re handle-able). Although despite him being a bit closer to the little guys emotionally, he does better with handling the bigger ones. He’s less nervous about dropping or squishing them, since they’re so big and slow. He drops his voice real low as you coax them onto his cupped hands, remembering to stay low to the table, and whispers out a soft exclamation of excitement when they still.

His social media is flooded with photos of your little dude, taken any time they venture out into open view. You find that after he starts gushing about them online, the world becomes a bit more spider-friendly.

William Murderface

He thinks that your love for spiders is fucking badass, and will absolutely brag about you to others at any given moment. And perhaps he embellishes how cool they actually are (last time you checked they were not two feet long with an instantaneously lethal bite, but hey, you could double check that again), but you know that’s just his way of saying he loves you and the little dude. Secretly he is a bit nervous around them at first, but he will never tell you that. And over time he warms up until he starts to wonder why he was ever even scared in the first place!

He likes to listen to you talk about them — he honestly doesn’t know much about spiders as a whole, and thus will happily absorb information you have to offer.

He thinks any species you own is a cool one, but he’s most partial to the bigger ones — particularly tarantulas. And oddly enough, he likes the more “plain” looking spiders — shades of black, brown, and grey call to him the most. It’s less about their perceived danger and more about the fact that he likes the the fact that they don’t need to be shiny or pretty to be loved.

He talks big game, but he’s actually pretty to nervous to hold your little one. He’s not afraid of them, but he’s terrified of fucking something up.

He threatens your more spider-wary peers with your little dude often. Please smack him over the head, we’ve got too many arachnophobes as is, we don’t need to make things worse.

[live-laugh-legolas]

I've been thinking too much abt Frodo stealing mushrooms from Farmer Maggot and wonder if you could do hcs for what kind of silly little adventures the hobbits would get into with the reader?

This is really cute. Idk if you wanted individual hcs or group, but I’m making the executive decision to have this be a friend group growing up

Shenanigans w/ the Hobbits

-Growing up together you guys were the terrors of the Shire

-You are around the same age as Sam and Merry; Frodo was always kind of the wrangler and Pippin was the baby you all corrupted

-Blamed Pippin for everything because you knew he wouldn’t get in trouble because he was so young and he has pretty privilege

-You guys put on a Hobbit Talent Show where Merry did “magic” to make Pippin disappear

-It was very clear that Sam just carried him off stage but the adults clapped anyway

-Frodo is the oldest, but he certainly isn’t the most behaved

-Sam was always the one asking if they should be doing this as he helps lift merry up to toss him through a window to grab extra cookies or something idk

-As you guys got older your plans and activities because less known to the other hobbits

-More sneaking off together to go night swimming

-Better stealth missions to steal crops from Farmer Maggot

-Side note, I find it cute that in the book Farmer Maggot isn’t actually scary and is fond of the young hobbits; he even invites them for dinner

-Picnics are a common practice for you guys

-Usually pretty chill, just talking and telling stories and singing

-But once you guys climbed a tree and Pippin got himself stuck; like those cartoons when they get hung by a wedgie

-A favorite activity is to bother Sam while he is gardening or cooking

-Asking lots of dumb questions that he will try and answer anyway because he isn’t sure if you are serious or not

-Suggest weird food combinations that Pippin and Frodo for whatever reason actually end up liking

-Now you regret ever mentioning anything because now they dip pickles into peanut butter during your picnics

-You guys are the types to stay out late and not keep your voices down when walking home much to the annoyance of your neighbors

-But also I doubt you wake anyone who is asleep because hobbits I imagine are deep sleepers

-Sometimes you wake up to find one of them just in your kitchen eating your food; usually Pippin

-You guys basically have 5 houses because you all just invite yourselves in; Sam doesn’t though, he always knocks

-Pippin will barge in even if you are bathing; if he has a story to tell he is going to tell it no matter the circumstances

-Often though you guys quietly enjoy each others presence while doing your own things

-Sitting outside while Sam gardens and hums to himself; Frodo taking a nap in the sun, Merry reading, and Pippin smoking too much

-I think hobbits are big on physical affection so it’s not uncommon for you guys to lay on top of each other; head in one of their laps while they mess with your hair and listen to your story

-Always be prepared to be jumped on; Pippin could be anywhere waiting to pounce onto your back

-You guys will literally pull one of the others away from whatever they are doing to drag them to show them something

-Because no one is ever going to be left out even if they want to be

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

First off,happy new year!!!

second,you know I've got to ask how the Boyd's celebrate it,if they even do!

Steve Murphy: He gets invited to an embassy party he really doesn’t wanna go to. He usually does go anyway, and doesn’t have any fun. He actually kind of hates New Year’s - the thought of another year just makes him feel like he didn’t do enough in this one.

Donald Pierce: You know, I have this really clear image of Pierce, his first year at A-T, pretty new to the whole corporate life, at some small NYE party and mostly spending it talking to Gabby, who he’s been slowly bonding with the last few months. When it hits midnight she startles him by leaning it and pressing a quick, teasing kiss right on his mouth. He’s too drunk to try to play it cool or lay on the swagger, and instead he just blushes so red, which makes her immediately snort-laugh.

Cap Hatfield: His family does a little shindig each year which he always looks forward to! They eat pickled herring at midnight, and his mom buys donuts from town.

Clement Mansell: He goes clubbing, gets hammered, and when it hits midnight he plants a big sloppy kiss on whoever’s standing closest to him. He’s accidentally started so many fights because of it. Turns out a lot of big tough macho guys don’t like being suddenly smooched by another man, and they also don’t care to see another man kiss their girlfriend either!

The Corinthian: You know, I think he loves going to different cities to participate in their celebrations! He’s absolutely been to Times Square to watch the ball drop, but he’s also been to the cheese drop in Plymouth, Wisconsin, and the 400 foot LED chile drop in Las Cruces, New Mexico. He’s walked in the Mummers parade in Philly, and he’s checked out the fireworks in Vegas!

Eli Klaber: Eli thinks NYE is a delightful excuse for a soirée! And a soirée can just be him and his cat if necessary! He’ll dress up fancy and drink champagne either way!

Danny Maguire: He’s actively strategizing how to dip out of his dad’s lame party and get to the one his friends are hosting downtown. His dad always insists on Danny coming up with a list of resolutions each year (“I know you haven’t had a real job, Daniel, but even there your boss expects you to turn in your goals…”) and Danny hates it every damn time, especially when he has to run each one by his dad for approval.

Ty Shaw: He’s shooting off SO many fireworks!

Quinn McKenna: Oh yeah, it was NYE wasn’t it? Well, he went to bed at the reasonable hour of 9PM. He notices that unlike you, he’s well-rested and hangover free.

[polyklok]

When they’re down bad

Dethklok and their massive, throbbing crush. You can interpret this as and xReader, xOC, or even towards each other idk I don’t make the rules.

Nathan Explosion

Unlike the other members, Nathan has had experience with actual girlfriends (rather than just flings) before, and so can identify the difference between attraction and actual romantic interest pretty quickly.

But he’s still a total idiot about it. He basically hasn’t developed his flirting style since high school; he hasn’t needed to. He’s famous! So, he just sorta forces himself into their attention all the time. He purposely bumps into them, asks to borrow random things, always stands or sits next to them. He just wants to constantly be around them.

He tries to start conversations too but, my god, he’s so awkward! They’ll be sitting in silence together and he just shouts “MAN, THIS WEATHER IS CRAZY.” While it’s been perfectly sunny for three days straight. BTW, he’s always yelling around his crush. It’s partly because he’s nervous, partly because he’s trying to assert his “dominance” (he doesn’t have any)

He tries to drop not-so-subtle hints about his feelings. Like, there will be a couple in public, clearly on a very romantic, cheesy date and he’ll be like “THAT LOOKS FUN, WE SHOULD DO THAT SOMETIME” to his crush. Or if there’s a kissing scene in a movie, he squeezes their hand or something. Just, out of the blue.

In general, he’s pretty obvious and is sort of a disaster, but it’s cute and oddly charming. 7/10 because I suddenly decided I’m ranking them

Pickles The Drummer

If Nathan was a disaster, he’s the end of the world

He desperately tries to play himself up in front of his crush, specifically trying to seem more classy and sophisticated, which are two things Pickles is not. He’s the kind of guy to try to be suave and lean up against a wall and then immediately eat shit, falling to the floor.

He likes to talk around his crush but never to his crush, ya’know? Like, if they are in a room, he’ll speak all loudly to a group about how cool he is and all the things he’s done. But in a one-on-one convo, he’s literally shaking and sweating and nodding along like his brain isn’t in full panic mode (it is). Because he physically can stand how gorgeous his crush is and how obsessed he is with them.

He’ll probably try to drink more than usual to calm his nerves, but it really makes it worse. Cause now he’s a bumbling idiot who’s only talking about how ‘damn pretty’ they are and threatening to get into a fight with the bartender.

Eventually, he does calm down. And he gets to be his natural, funny and relaxed self around them. His heart still flutters, but the anxiety doesn’t consume him like it used to and he has a real conversation with his crush and it feels like he’s falling in love all over again.

Like in most situations, Pickles is kinda a wreck. But he needs time and the right amount of booze to be a pretty great guy, 6/10

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Sound the fucking alarms because this Swedish whore has himself a crush. Seriously though, the realization hits him like a fucking truck. He’s just like, wow this person is hot and I like spending time with them and they have a great personality and they’re funny and they make me feel nice and HOLY FUCK

He gets so pissed. Like, genuine anger at himself and them and everyone else in the world because something is wrong. He can’t bring himself to take it out on them, so he just always scoffs and ignores them for weeks on end. But the whole time, they’re in his head. He feels all warm and fuzzy in more places than just his dick for once.

Eventually, he stops being just a baby and gives them a weird, half-assed apology his ego is still fragile, ok?! And starts flirting. Hard. Constantly praising their body and making unsubtle sexual innuendos, it’s the only thing he really knows how to do in this situation. God forbid they giggle or flirt back, because his face is gonna turn completely red and he’ll need to excuse himself for a 10-minute freak out.

Skwisgaar just feels so many strong emotions, and these new, affectionate ones are just kicking his ass. There’s a good chance that he gives up because he just can’t handle it. But, he might just persist and slowly open up and let them in.

He’s pretty much a noob for these sorts of things. He’s a sex god, not a Prince Charming. 3/10

Toki Wartooth

Toki is actually more passive when it comes to romantic feelings than you would expect; he can accept potential love interests as friends very easily. But once someone has embedded themselves in his brain as more than just a groupie or a good friend, my man is COMPLETELY ride or die

Doesn’t make any effort to hide it either. He gets all giggly around them, biting his lip, twirling his hair, kicking his feet. He’s seriously smitten and everyone can tell, including the crush. He won’t deny it either, “Of course I’s likes them! Who wouldn’ts?”

His wooing methods are completely cheesy as well. Like, leaving a large, lovey-dovey gift basket on their doorstep or writing awful poetry for them completely in Norwegian. In fact, he’s pretty much always getting them little gifts and they’re all genuine, even the stereotypical ones.

He also gets very, very touchy. Greeting them with hugs and holding hands and even little surprise kisses. He knows that they’re not technically dating, but he still sees them as his one and only, so he already begins cementing himself as their partner.

Although, if they don’t show any interest back, he’ll stop after a week or so simply because he gets bored easily. I’m not gonna sit her and act like he doesn’t have the patience of a four-year-old.

Man goes all in with his flirting but it fizzes out very quickly. 7/10

William Murderface

I was wrong about Pickles; THIS is the ultimate disaster. Poor guy really can’t take it, he’s so flustered and anxious and a bit furious at the whole situation. William is so fueled by hatred and hostility that he can’t fathom the fact that he genuinely likes someone and craves their love. For him, it feels like he’s gonna die without them and yet he refuses to go within a foot of them.

Most of the time, he just stares at them with his angry look on his face. If they ask what’s wrong, he just mumbles and walks away. But really, he gets so excited that they talked to him, even though he immediately fucked it up.

Maybe with some time, he can find a slightly better way to deal with his intense feelings. He mostly just needs to learn to relax and have some confidence, but those are both things he has never been good at. But, if he does manage do to so and have a conversation with them…it’s still pretty bad. He’ll stutter and stumble, walking on eggshells because he knows that he has a tendency to say stupid shit.

Even if the relationship doesn’t ever go anywhere, there’s a very good chance he’ll be this nervous around them for months, possibly years. If his crush manages to get the message and starts encouraging his ‘advances’, it’ll still be a while until he’s anything less than a wreck.

Someone please help Murderface, he’s dying out here. 2/10

Btw I wrote this last night and am posting it without much proofreading so sorry if it’s awful

[everythingisawayoflife]

Random Dead Poets Headcanons

i love my silly poet boys so much.

Neil is REALLY REALLY good with kids. They just hang off him. In comparison, kids start crying at the sight of Charlie.

Todd loves chocolate, I mean who doesn’t? But Todd keeps a little bowl of Hershey kisses under his bed for when he has bad days.

Speaking of Todd, he keeps every single journal he’s ever written in. After Neil’s passing, his mother was kind enough to let Todd take a couple of Neil’s journals.

Mr. Keating is an EXCELLENT cook. like stellar. he invites the boys over for dinner sometimes and they are always asking for seconds.

Neil called Mr. Keating Dad once and panicked so much he almost started crying. Like he was stuttering all over himself until Keating gave him a hug, held him tight, and told him it was okay.

Pitts really enjoys those MGM musicals. He can’t dance to save his life but the dancing is just so fanciful and magical to him. His favorite dancer is Gene Kelly.

Charlie and Knox have something similar to "The Slap Bet" from How I Met Your Mother. Don't ask how its started. All anyone knows is that Knox has four slaps left, and Charlie has two.

Meeks was, and will always be, a vegetable hater. Specifically, broccoli. Mostly for the fact of when he was in middle school, his Mom still made him eat it, despite having braces

Neil does not like to drink, he thinks beer, whiskey, and scotch all taste nasty to him. He drinks them to look cool, though.

When Neil does drink, he’s a lightweight. And a clingy drunk.

Cameron is a whiz at Poker. The Poets all swear he counts their cards but he’s just got a really good Poker face.

Knox keeps a collection of Jane Austen novels. His favorite is Sense & Sensibility.

Occasionally at Poet meetings, Neil grabs a copy of whatever play they’re doing at Henley and makes the poets read the roles. Last time, Charlie was Juliet and Cameron was Romeo. Charlie nearly killed Cameron himself.

Neil is an excellent swimmer.

Pitts is one of those guys who enjoys really disgusting food combinations. He quite enjoys pickles and peanut butter together. With a Chocolate Milkshake.

Todd doesn’t like thunderstorms. He hides it from Neil one night and wakes Neil up while he’s crying. From then on, Neil stays up with him when it storms, reading to him or talking just to take his focus off of it.

Chris cannot sing. At all. Chris is a really vocal drunk so she’s always the first one to ask who’s up for karaoke.

Charlie is a terrible cook. He burns everything he touches. Keating has tried to teach him some lessons, but to no avail.

Knox really likes TV westerns like Gunsmoke and The Rifleman and Rawhide. He looks like a kid in a candystore everytime he watches one. Pitts is the only one who will watch them with him.

Charlie lost a bet to Todd once and Charlie ended up having to shave his eyebrows. Todd called him “Baldy” for the duration that they were gone.

Meeks does not like blood. It either makes him want to vomit or pass out. Or both, in no particular order.

One time, Charlie had to go to the hospital for a serious case of pneumonia. Out of all the poets who were distraught, Cameron hurt the most. Suddenly, their dorm was too quiet. When he came back, Cameron threatened to kill him if he ever did it again. That’s when Charlie and him created a silent truce.

Todd has a pile of unread books on his nightstand. Yeah, he’s one of those people. It’s okay, I am too.

Todd has a dog at home named Lucky. Lucky is his pride and joy. He’s a Jack Russell Terrier.

The Poets once tried to Parent Trap Keating with their school librarian. It worked out for a few months.