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shrimpngritcakes · 4 years ago

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Buddie prompt #3: 9-1-1 & Lone Star crossover idea

I’m putting this idea here for someone to claim if they wish. It was originally posted on Ao3 (now with additions), but deleted it due to ToS. If anyone wants this prompt, please comment below so I can delete it after you copy it to prevent similar stories.

His breaking point was a kiss.

One he knew he wasn't supposed to see. With anyone else he would feel like a voyeur, but all he could feel was a dark emptiness opening in his chest.

With Eddie’s truck being in the shop for a tie rod that had broken while at work, sending Eddie into a storm of cursing in Spanish, Ana had picked him up for their latest date.

And dropped him off.

If was a horrible fluke that Buck had stood up to look out the window at just the wrong moment. He should have been in the spare bedroom asleep after a grueling 24 surrounded by all the things he had brought with him when he moved in all those weeks ago.

Buck makes his excuses to leave while Eddie is completely confused and trying to get him to talk. Eddie tries to call Buck but he doesn't pick up.

Buck goes to see Bobby and Athena. It all spills out, including not feeling wanted by his parents. Bobby thinks Eddie is being an idiot but keeps this to himself. He suggests a leave of absence for mental health. Bobby receives permission from his superior to place Buck on open ended leave after giving him a brief explanation of the situation. Ending with him saying to Bobby, “That poor boy. If I ever meet that boy's parents…”

Bobby answers, “Get in line, but there may not be anything left after Athena gets them first.”

TK is surprised to find a sleeping Buck in his Jeep in the parking lot of the 126. An off duty Carlos takes him back to his place where he crashes on the couch. Buck has a nightmare and Carlos talks him down.

Owen calls Bobby saying he has his boy and they'll take care of them. He has a plan and discusses it with Bobby. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder concept.

“Is it mutual?”

“I’m not 100% sure, but…”

“You can't tell Eddie. Even if he begs for answers for his son, you need to stand strong. It needs to be him asking for himself. If this goes wrong… We'll take Buck in here. He'll have a home with the 126. It will take a while, but we'll help put him back together as best we can until he's back on his feet. He won't be alone.”

Bobby wipes at his face, “Thank you."

“Let's hope this works.”

Eddie is worried and confused why Buck never came home. His phone is going straight to voicemail. Now he isn't there for his shift. Another man comes in and introduced as Buck's temporary replacement. Eddie asks Bobby where Buck is, but he won't give him a straight answer. Eddie is shocked as Bobby's tone is harsh and he glaring at him. Bobby later apologized and explains that Buck requested that only he and Maddie know where he is. Eddie tries to dig, but Bobby just shakes his head with a, “I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't tell you.”

Eddie asks Maddie, but she just slams the door in his face. Chim doesn’t know as she's refusing to tell them where Buck is. Chim delivers her handwritten apology the next day to Eddie. It states Buck needs space from everything, but mostly leaves out the part about Eddie (only one or two things that hint, but it goes over Eddie's head).

Athena almost breaks down and calls Eddie a fool before storming away to her police cruiser. She doesn't know where he is because Bobby refuses to tell her (which she finds annoying yet commendable), but she was there for the why when Buck broke down. She'll apologize after Buck and Eddie return. Hopefully together.

Filler with Buck and the 126 and Carlos. Judd takes him out on a horse like he did Capt. Strand. Fill a pothole on how Grace and him are so accepting of TK's sexuality despite being religious.

A Facetime therapy session where Copeland assures him its okay to get away for a while.

Eddie doesn't quite realize yet that he's slowly losing it, but the others can tell.

Paul and Buck have a conversation.

Christopher asking where Buck is because it's movie night. Eddie doesn't have an answer.

Eddie rages in the station gym trying to understand. He almost gets it, but he thinks Buck is jealous of Eddie, not Ana. Cue Hen groaning under her breath, "You almost got it, Eddie. Come on. Keep thinking."

TK, Carlos, and Paul take Buck out to a club. TK talks absentmindedly to the bartender, even showing him/her a picture of Eddie from Insta. Word spreads about the "new guy," Buck. Others keep the “creeps" away from Buck. Buck loosens up a little while there.

Buck Facetimes Christopher on Carla's phone, only for Eddie to walk in just as Buck is hanging up. He sees Buck's panicked/sad face right before he hangs up. He tries to call back, but doesn't get an answer. Carla huffs and shakes her head. "Figure it out yourself, hun. I can't give you this answer. You need to find it for yourself." Cue Eddie even more confused. This is all just about Buck's parents and jealous over Ana... Isn't it?

Roller derby to cheer on Marjan with the bartender flirting with Buck, who is all kinds of flustered. Carlos, TK, and the others tease him mercilessly.

A massive fire where Buck offers his help. Paul gives Buck as sidehug in gratitude.

Eddie almost punching the mechanic because his truck still isn't done.

Marjan takes Buck out to do something crazy because she's Firefox. (Buck is still starstruck). Maybe skydiving or they race each other at wall climbing? Cue competitive banter.

Owen keeping Bobby updated on Buck.

Buck eventually asks for a transfer. Owen asks if this is what he really wants. Buck just shrugs and asks helplessly what other option he has.

(Optional: Bucks gets up quietly at night for a glass of water and stumbles onto Carlos and TK having sex/making out in the kitchen. Buck either flees in embarrassment or is stunned into watching with Carlos and TK aware that he's there. All parties awkward and/or embarrassed the next morning until TK bursts into giggles and laughter.)

Eddie's relationship with Ana is rapidly deteriorating. Christopher has a full on tantrum. Eddie has to koala hug him on the floor, after Ana brings him back home from a not very good date as Eddie's thoughts were on Buck. Ana tries to help calm him down but Chris screams at her about Buck not being around as much as soon as she started dating his dad. “I hate you! I hate you!” He yells her to get out. Ana still tries to talk. Carla snaps at her to leave. She still tries.

Eddie is spiraling. Flashback of that kiss he really wasn’t ready for, but Ana had asked. It dawns on him that that was the night Buck disappeared. Why would Buck leave because of that? Chris is repeatedly asking her to leave, but she's not listening. She's not listening to his son. He finally snaps and demands that she leaves. She storms out. Relationship dead in the water.

Carla can only watch as Eddie breaks from it all.

The original plan has failed, so it’s time for the final attempt. A blatant hammer strike to Eddie's head to knock some sense into him.

Bobby calls Eddie into his office. He shows Eddie transfer papers from Buck along with a list of Buck's possessions to be boxed and shipped. Eddie is speechless. Thoughts of Christopher and losing Buck. He's losing Buck.

He shows Eddie an email he received and Eddie slowly scrolls through, It's full of captioned pictures. Such as:

-Buck staring off into the distance on a horse.

-Buck curled on a couch looking lost.

-Buck looking drool-worthy in club clothes. The caption: “Holy sh@t! If I wasn't already happily taken…”

-Showing Buck blushing as someone talks in his ear.

-Smiling yet not reaching his eyes while dancing.

-Sitting with his head buried in his hands on the engine’s bumper.

-Helping man a hose at a large blaze captioned with “Yes, we had permission for him to be there.” Followed by a picture of someone (Paul, but Eddie can’t see his face as he’s looking at the ground and hidden by his helmet) sidehugging a sweaty dusty still geared up Buck around the neck with a hand resting on his head.

A video. It's Buck spilling everything curled up in someone's arms (maybe Carlos or Grace). “Why am I always alone! What about me?” Mentions of Abby and Ali. His failed dates. Everyone pairing up. Losing part of his sister to Chim after finally having her back in his life after so many years apart. “And Eddie! Eddie… Why does love hurt so much?” mentioning Chris. Etc.

Eddie is shaking. It finally clicks why Buck left.

One more video. It's Capt. Strand and the 126 facing the camera. He knows where Buck is now - Austin, Texas.

“Buck doesn't know we're putting all this together. He’s asleep. We may or may not have knocked him out with sleeping pills.”

They all lay it out for Eddie. Eddie feels all kinds of stupid and blind. “Now, you have a choice here, Edmundo Diaz…”

“Why… Oh my god. This entire time… ”

“Do you love him, Eddie? As more than a friend? Or am I signing these papers?”

A few seconds after Eddie runs out of the room, a sigh comes from the speaker phone. “I'll get things set up.”

“Thank you, Owen. For everything.”

“You're welcome.”

The whole firehouse going up in a cheer after Eddie floors out of the parking lot in his thankfully finally fixed truck. Hen is shaking Chim or vice versa.

Carla agrees over the phone to keep Christopher after Eddie blurts everything out to her, ending with a “Go get him, Eddie.”

“Did everyone see this but me?” Carla is laughing as she hangs up.

Buck sees Owen call TK over and whispering in his ear. Tk has an interesting reaction before running out of the room with his phone already to his ear.

Flashbacks as Eddie is scrolling through his pictures on his phone while on an airplane. How he missed it. How he didn't understand himself. His fall had been so slow he hadn't even realized it until it was almost, or maybe is, too late. His seatmate makes a comment on his happy “family," and it’s a kick to Eddie's already flayed emotions.

Judd is there to pick him up at the airport, which surprised him.

He's dropped off at a club. Judd makes a snarky comment after handing Eddie a hotel room key card through the window. Eddie rolls his eyes as Judd drives off laughing. The bouncer, having seen the Diaz blazoned on the back of his LAFD shirt, waves Eddie inside, skipping the line. The whispering starts as soon as he enters. Word had spread and they had been hoping for Buck. “Is that…”

“I think so.”

He's shocked as the crowd starts to part for him. The music lowers in volume. People are staring and he's embarrassed, etc., but he sees Buck, who TK has made sure looks phenomenal. Taking a deep breath, he squares his shoulders and walks forward.

Buck is dancing between Carlos and TK. He feels Carlos start smacking TK on the back before they pull away from him. They’re both grinning so wide he suspects their faces are hurting. TK is not so quietly squealing in excitement.

A hand covers his eyes from behind. He immediately recognizes the body wash smell. “Eddie…”

Mini conversation/argument, neither realizing the club has gone dead silent, with Eddie yelling “Because I love you, you idiot!”

The entire club loses it with TK whooping, jumping with a fist punch, and laughing.

End there with a kiss, at the hotel room which may or may not get steamy, or Buck telling Christopher he's home with Chris tackling him to the ground.

#buddie #free buddie prompt

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lovelyirony · 4 years ago

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Moony-Eyed

@bironfam i hope this is okay!

Tony didn’t think that their new astronaut was going to be anything special.

Well.

That’s a lie.

You kind of have to be special if you’re going to be an astronaut for NASA. You have to keep your cool, have good eyesight, and be okay with the possibility of dying. Maybe. Maybe you have to be cool with that.

Tony is rather good at his job. From revolutionizing how space suits are made to making the functions of the ship easier to manage, Tony is NASA’s secret weapon, the handyman of all handymen.

He’s usually squirreled away in his workshop, at his apartment that he honestly needs to clean far more than he does, or arguing with Potts about why he needs eight different coffee mugs.

They know him as a guy who doesn’t exactly give a rat’s ass about the chain of command, or dress code.

“You can’t fire me,” he had told Happy, after he had tried once again to stop Tony from entering areas containing sensitive information in sweatpants and a sweatshirt that proclaimed him the “MIT class of 1992.”

Tony is good at his job, nearly too good. He likes it that way.

But back to the astronaut.

Danvers had taken leave to take care of her family, and honestly? Space usually isn’t a lifetime event for astronauts. You see too much of it, you need time away. A lot of time away.

Pepper is giddy. She loved Carol, but Carol was happily married with a baby girl, and this one? This one wasn’t.

Not that Pepper was looking for anyone. No, she and her partner Nat had standing date nights every Saturday evening, and she loved them too much to even think about anything else.

But Tony? Tony needed someone. He never really dated anybody, at least not anybody that he genuinely liked.

Stark was a powerful name, and it got tossed around a little bit, but Tony mostly kept to himself and only responded to it when he was at a party or Happy was mad at him for forgetting his ID badge yet again.

James Rhodes was a nicely built man with a strong, confident aura, and single.

(Pepper had checked.)

She thought that he and Tony would get along quite well, if anything.

James is shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He’d rather just get to work on what he needs to do. Getting into the air is one of the best feelings, and the sooner he can experience it, the sooner he’ll be fine.

He always pushed the limits, and space is just the last limit he gets to push. He’s excited. He’s always wanted to work for NASA, be on their roster of astronauts. He wants little kids who identify with him to know that they can do it too.

So he’s ready to work with the best and brightest of their era.

“Where the fuck are my nachos?!”

His head whips around to a man who is wearing an ill-fitting cardigan (that is most likely not his), old jeans that have what look to be equations written on one thigh, and glasses that are most definitely broken sitting at an angle.

“Your nachos were too close to the computers,” one woman says without looking up. “Stop bringing nachos here or I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“You can’t kill me,” the man retorts.

“Tony,” comes another voice. James turns and sees who must be Pepper Potts. “Go to your office. Now. Change your pants, you wrote on them again.”

“I did?”

He looks down and swears.

“Son of a bitch!” He then looks at Jim. “Wait, who are you? Are you the new astronaut?”

“Uh, yes? I’m James.”

He sticks out his hand.

Who seems to be Tony stares at his hand.

“Your name is seriously James?”

“Do you think I’m bad at jokes?” he asks, eyebrows raised.

Tony grins.

“No, I think you’re gonna be a riot. But I’m not calling you James.”

“Jim, then.”

“No,” Tony says. “You’re not an old man, you’re still attractive.”

His eyebrows raise.

Tony’s face pales.

“I’m going to. Go. I have math on my pants.”

Pepper snorts, readjusting her grip on her clipboard.

“Welcome to NASA, Colonel Rhodes. I can promise you that we don’t usually yell about our lunch location or write on articles of clothing.”

Surprisingly, James doesn’t see Tony for two weeks. Apparently, he’s been working outside with a couple of the interns to calculate some stuff, rework some of the older ships for experience, and stay out of the way of Pepper, who says that he’s attempting to murder her via headaches to deal with.

He seems interesting, however. There are sticky notes and papers all over the offices and breakrooms reminding people of what Tony had for breakfast/lunch/dinner, or where the extra coffee supplies are.

“You provide for him?” he asks Pepper one time.

“He gets too much into his own head sometimes,” Pepper says. “He focuses too much on a program or an improvement and forgets that he works around other people. You wouldn’t believe how many times we had miniature science experiments based off of lunches that he would leave in the fridge.”

Rhodes nods. “Well. I’ll look forward to working with him.”

Tony has been working outside of the office for two reasons:

1.) To legitimately help the interns. (Ned and Peter are making improvements!)

2.) James Rhodes is the hottest guy on earth. Maybe in the universe. For real. Seriously.

He hates Pepper for this. Didn’t even tell Tony what the new astronaut looked like, and then shows up with a god of a man. Rude and unfair.

And he had to be the dumbass with the equation on his pants.

He didn’t even have spare pants! He had to stay in his office for the whole day because the equation was actually really important and he needed it.

“Why didn’t you just transfer it over on paper?” Bruce asks over the phone. Bruce is his friend who works in a technically classified, off-the-books, not-exactly-government-issued building. He’s cool. He also points out the obvious.

“I’m the biggest idiot on the planet,” Tony groans. “There was just a new guy at work, and he threw me off balance, so-”

“What’s he look like?”

“Why, you not crushing on that hot Nordic space dude?”

“No, still am. But I still remember when Barton came to work for you guys and you didn’t know that his name wasn’t George until about six months into him working there.”

“In my defense, he works mostly with physical therapy and prep for no gravity,” Tony says. “I work with math and shit.”

“Still,” Bruce says. “You wouldn’t have pointed him out if you didn’t think he was cute. What’s he like?”

“I...don’t exactly know.”

“Oh my god, you’ve been avoiding him?”

“Oh what, like you didn’t jump out of a window when Thor almost saw you in a tank top?”

“I have a farmer’s tan! Totally different circumstance!”

“Is it?”

“I hate you.”

“Get to dating Thor and then we’ll talk again. Have fun re-revolutionizing green energy, Dr. Banner.”

“Look to the stars, Tony.”

James has to get fitted for his suit.

He faces Tony, who looks quite different from when he first saw him. His hair is somewhat less messy, he has one of those geeky NASA-logo shirts that they sell at Target, and is wearing khaki pants with about a million different pockets.

(Something in his mind is whispering that he definitely shouldn’t find him attractive. But he will anyways.)

“Alright space-cowboy, let’s get your measurements,” Tony says. “You feeling okay today?”

“Right as rain.”

“Rain is never good, sunshine,” Tony quips. “Now, about your nickname from me...hm. Rhodey.”

“How’d you figure that out?”

“Substituted the ‘s’ for a ‘y’, just simple stuff,” he says with a shrug. “You approve?”

“I...guess.”

“Good. Now Rhodey, how are you feeling?”

“Like sunshine and gumdrops,” he responds sarcastically.

Tony smiles, and damn if it makes his heart thump a bit.

“Better answer, soldier. Extend those arms, please.”

Tony smells really nice. Subtle cologne and clean laundry. Rhodey finds that he likes it.

“How’ve you been doing, Tony?”

“Like a gentle breeze on a day that’s seventy-two degrees,” Tony answers. “Work’s been good today. Helen made tacos.”

“I had some of those, they were pretty good.”

“Mm,” Tony answers. “Legs a bit more apart, thank you.”

Rhodey shifts his stance a little bit, carefully not watching Tony bend down just a tad to get the bottom of his foot.

(But oof, that was hard.)

Tony comes back up again, looking into Rhodey’s eyes. For a moment, for a brief moment, his breath is taken away.

“I need to wrap my measuring tape around your waist. You okay with that?”

“More than.”

“Don’t get saucy,” Tony winks. “No one likes more than one floozy at the office, and that’s what got me this job anyways.”

Rhodey lets out a laugh, and Tony grins.

He likes making him laugh. Likes it more than he should.

They spend more and more time together. Tony always makes adjustments, Rhodey realizes that Tony doesn’t exactly keep track of when he eats, so they have lunch together.

They like it a lot.

On good-weather days, they eat outside on a bench. Tony leans against one said, foot brushing Rhodey’s calf, and Rhodey doesn’t really mind because he’ll lean over occasionally and steal whatever Tony’s eating.

“This is theft, you know.”

“You eat like a bird, what do you know about food theft?”

Tony almost always stays later than anyone else except for nights with Rhodey.

Once a month, they have dinner together. Rhodey’s new to the area and Tony’s almost never social with anyone, so they’ve been working through a list of the three-star-rated restaurants and seeing which ones they like.

“It’s kind of like a date,” Pepper says, on her monthly hangout with Tony (and also kind of a clean-up party for his house).

“Not dates,” Tony says. “Just friends. I’m sure he has his eye on someone in or out of the office.”

“Like you?”

“His first impression of me was me writing an equation on my pair of jeans, and then I haven’t exactly upgraded my style since,” Tony deadpans. “He’s seen me in neon orange sweatpants, Pep. You don’t exactly come back from that.”

“Maybe he likes you for who you are!”

“God that��s such a bullshit answer,” Tony whines. “You sound like a straight-to-video movie that came out in 1997!”

“That’s too specific.”

“And? You still get the point!”

Pepper flings a pillow his way.

“Where is your wine?”

“In the same cabinet you always leave it.”

“Goody.”

While Pepper sways to bed, Tony thinks about what she said.

It could be possible. Tony had never exactly asked him about himself in that capacity, but Rhodey never had an odd reaction to a statement that involved talking about a partner of the same-sex or a one-liner about it.

Maybe?

...no.

Guys like Rhodey deserved someone better than someone who forgot to eat lunch four out of the seven days of the week. (And maybe four was being generous.)

On the flipside, Rhodey was currently telling his woes to Carol, who was laughing at him.

“You nerd!” she says. “You like Tony, and you’ve done nothing about it? Have you even told him that you also like guys? Cuffed your pants?”

“No,” Rhodey says. “I just...why would he like someone like me? I’m...boring.”

“You’re not boring,” Carol says.

“Yeah you are!” Maria calls from the kitchen. “You’re very boring, Mr. ‘Only-Drinks-Black-Coffee’!”

Carol giggles.

“Maybe Maria has a point. Maybe.”

Rhodey groans, leaning against the couch.

“I’m so fucked.”

“On the contrary-”

“Oh shut up.”

Pepper is tired of people’s problems. They’re getting closer and closer to launch, and Clint’s out sick and Helen is being weird again, and Jane is off somewhere to a secret government-but-not-government launch to discuss things with two potential boyfriends. (Maybe boyfriends. Maybe.)

Tony is getting stressed.

Usually, he’s the only one who’s fine during a launch. He’s still cracking jokes, making fun events, and calming down people who are a bit too nervous.

But usually, he’s not as close to the astronaut as this.

He’s been thinking about the accidents they’ve had over the years. He doesn’t want a repeat. He’s been pulling all-nighters, avoiding sleep, and checking in on Rhodey consistently, to the point where Rhodey has to drag him outside and tell him that things will be fine.

(In Pepper’s professional opinion, they’d be fine if they just did a goodbye kiss or whatever, but okay.)

Tony’s getting into his own head.

So is Rhodey.

He’s going to be gone for a long time. He’s going to miss the holidays. And Tony won’t be able to talk to him everyday.

“You should tell him,” Pepper murmurs. “I think you both would benefit from it.”

“I’m not going to play that unfair card,” Rhodey murmurs back. “I either confess my love and go to a dangerous mission knowing that he loves me back and I said it when I can’t return, or he doesn’t and I just played a guilt-trip card.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Isn’t it?”

Rhodey shakes his head.

“I...I can’t do that to him. Wouldn’t be right. After the mission.”

“After, then,” Pepper says. “When you come home.”

Rhodey grins.

The day of launch happens far quicker than anyone wants it to, most of all Tony.

Pepper actually kicked him out of his office, told him to shower, and wear something nice for once.

“Make sure he knows he has someone to come home to,” Pepper says. “Wear your turtleneck!”

“It’s only September,” Tony scowls. “And he’s his own person who’s about to launch himself into space.”

“He will be fine,” Pepper says. “With your research and work, we’ve cut down overlooked mistakes by about forty percent.”

“Still not half.”

“Because we’re NASA,” Pepper sniffs. “Our mistakes matter more, so we make less of them.”

Tony nods.

He ends up almost being late to the launch because of Pepper’s stupid wardrobe advice.

He’s wearing his nicest pair of pants, a button-up that’s been at the back of his closet for quite some time, and he’s feeling stupid because he had to play AC/DC in the car so he would actually focus on what was going on.

Now he’s waiting for Rhodey to exit wearing the space suit that he made and to tell everyone that it was an honor and a privilege to be going to space where things happen and Tony can’t be there to help.

Life sucks.

But it goes on, and there’s Rhodey in the brilliantly-designed suit, and Tony’s never been more proud and more sad, but he sucks up his tears and walks up anyways.

“Hey space-cowboy. Ready to explore the frontier?”

“As ever,” Rhodey says. “You ready to forget to eat your lunch all over again?”

Tony smiles.

“You’ll have to check in with me soon, then,” Tony says. “Cut the mission short?”

Rhodey laughs.

“Wish I could. But I’ll send you pictures,” he says. “I promise.”

Tony stops for a moment, smile dropping from his face.

“Promise me one more thing.”

“Anything,” Rhodey says. “Anything you want.”

“Come back safe. Swear to me that you will.”

Rhodey grins.

“Safe and sound, honey. Safe and sound.”

Tony watches him board the ship, wave to the cameras, and wink at him.

He rolls his eyes, but blows a kiss anyways.

Tony’s a nervous wreck.

Pepper has decided that Rhodey needs to not go on missions anymore, or at least take Tony with him because he’s annoying.

“Can you stop crying on the second floor bathroom? It’s getting annoying,” Pepper says. “Clint says he can hear you and feels bad.”

“Well how are we supposed to know that Rhodey’s okay?!” Tony says. “For all I know, he could be dead!”

“I really hope you don’t mean that,” comes a voice from behind.

Tony whips around, seeing Rhodey’s grainy face from the big screen.

“You bitch!”

He laughs, and it doesn’t sound real, but he can see him.

“Hey Tony. You been making sure no one is pissed at you for forgetting your dinner in the fridge?”

“Well, now I will,” he admits. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Rhodey smiles. “How’s everything been down there?”

“Boring,” Tony says. “When are you coming back?”

“I got about two more months,” Rhodey says. “And then I’ll be back.”

“Quit hogging all the screen time,” Natasha teases. “You lovebirds can have your moment on earth.”

Tony blinks.

“What.”

But by that time, Natasha and Sam have already been asking a million questions, and Pepper is filling Rhodey in on what he’s missed.

Tony is still stuck on the whole ‘lovebirds’ thing that Natasha suggested.

...that couldn’t be possible. And yet if other people saw it that way...

“Tony? Tony?”

He blinks again, looking back up at the screen.

Rhodey is smiling at him, that smile that means that he’s happy to see someone.

“I’ll see you soon, honey.”

“Right back at you, space-cowboy.”

The screen goes to black, and Tony smiles a bit.

“Aw, you nerd,” Clint teases. “So, you gonna ask him out on a date?”

“Clint, I will cut off your leg,” Tony says cheerily. “I have to go finish some paperwork!”

Tony’s done all of his paperwork, it’s one of the few times that Pepper’s had it done on time.

He has to keep doing things to stop thinking about Rhodey.

He writes him letters. He knows that he won’t ever read them, but writing letters helps and sometimes it makes his hands less jittery.

He’s not ever going to send them. Ever. Letters are cheesy and they feel...personal.

Pepper tells him that he’s being lame.

“I’m not being lame!” Tony cries. “I am just. Protecting myself!”

“You have the reasoning of a Jane Austen love interest,” she says flatly. “I swear if you don’t tell him, then I’ll meddle. And you know how bad I am when I meddle.”

“You literally have made things so much worse for so many people,” Tony responds.

“Not worse, per se.”

“Oh right, how could I forget?” Tony exclaims sarcastically. “You made things the worst.”

“If we weren’t such good friends, you’d be dead,” Pepper says.

“Then let’s be worst enemies,” Tony mutters. “You still ready for pizza night?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Pepper says. “Meet at your place at seven, right?”

“Right.”

Here is what Tony does not know: Rhodey’s coming back down earlier than expected, and Pepper knows this.

So she’s been busying Tony with work while she’s acclimating Rhodey to life on earth again.

“Has he really missed me?” Rhodey asks for about the twentieth time in about two hours.

“Yes,” Pepper says. “I hope these aren’t your talking points for your interviews. If people know you’re this much of a love-struck idiot in real life, they won’t take you seriously.”

“I just missed him!”

“Oh sure,” she responds, rolling her eyes. “And I’m sure you’ll tell the news reporters that you missed me with as many stars in your eyes as now. You like him, you absolute geek.”

“Well, maybe a little,” Rhodey mutters. “But you’re sure he’ll like the surprise?”

“One hundred percent.”

Tony is having, perhaps, the worst day in his life. Maybe in history, if he’s being quite honest.

His car, for one thing, won’t start for more than is done-away-with concern, so he has to call Pepper and say that he’s going to be late since he has to fix his own car.

“Will you get coffee on the way here?” Pepper asks.

“Your usual order?”

“Yeah, you know the drill.”

Then the line is long because some stupid person wanted to complain, and Tony was this close to just threatening to buy the entire store to make it stop, and he cried on his way to work because he saw a duck cross the road and it reminded him of how Rhodey crashed his first car avoiding a duck that was crossing the road.

Yeah. It’s rough.

Then he parks in the wrong parking spot because some asshole with a stupid rental car took his usual spot, and then he stepped in a puddle.

He hates today.

“Pepper!” he declares as he enters the building. “I wore jeans today, I got your coffee, and I’m already done with the day. I swear to god if one more unexpected thing happens, I’ll just say ‘fuck it’ and go work for the Soviets!”

“The Soviets aren’t a thing, Tones.”

He knows that voice.

He fucking knows that voice. He isn’t supposed to be back from that mission for another month.

Tony doesn’t turn around.

“I’m hallucinating. Oh my god, I’m hallucinating.”

Hands wrap around his neck, hugging him.

“This feel like a hallucination?”

(Okay so Tony drops the coffee.)

Rhodey’s smile is blinding, and he’s...he’s here. Right in front of him with those not-supposed-to-be-that-hot polo shirts, those eyes that he could get lost in, and just...

Well.

He hugs him and he hugs him tightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back so soon?!”

“Pepper organized it,” Rhodey says, giddy. “Decided it would be a nice surprise for you.”

Tony looks over at Pepper, who’s trying to hide a grin behind her hands.

“Pepper if I wasn’t so over-the-moon right now, your heels would be snapped.”

She shrugs.

“Worth it. You requested today off, by the way.” She winks as she turns back to her office.

“Well, what do you say?” Rhodey asked. “Help me get used to having my feet back on the ground?”

Tony grins.

“Dinner sounds like a good start. Gotta get you some good earth food, none of that dehydrated crap.”

“Do you know how long it’s been since I had a decent slice of pizza?”

Tony grins.

“I can fix that.”

#lovelyirony writes #YES THE TITLE IS FUCKING PUNNY I'M HILARIOUS WHAT ABOUT IT #rhodeytony #tonyrhodey #ironhusbands #rhfe #rhodey #tony stark #iron man #war machine #pepper potts

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kyorinrinswritingdump · 4 years ago

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I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but I do like that the Todoroki family is willing to work through all their troubles.

I had an abusive boyfriend so it might all be the same as an abusive parent (however I've seen his own abusive parents and broken family), but even after how much I hated him for all that he did, I still wanted him to realize all he did was wrong and that he loved me.

It's completely messed up what happened to Rei and I honestly sympathize with her, but I really respect her and her family's decision to work with Endeavor to bring their wayward son back from the dark.

Everyone likes to hate Endeavor for all the abuse, and I really hated him, but not a lot of abusers try to fix their mistakes, and though the damage is already done (and I admit that he really only changed once he became #1), I do respect him for trying to change even though it might already be too late.

A lot of media portray abusers as just that, evil, but mha really does a good job of portraying a real-life abuser, imo. Unless the abuser is a psychopath or has serious problems, some (Not all) abusers do feel some kind of guilt and do try (though fail) to fix their mistakes.

My ex has finally realized all the wrong he did and is trying to fix himself, and though there are hiccups, there's a big improvement from before. Now I know "he was immature" or other excuses don't ever excuse abusive behavior, but sometimes I really see my ex as just that. He was too immature, or he has really stupid trust issues, or his parents really didn't do anything to raise except harp about money or the other parent, or other stuff.

Though I'm not blind to maybe my ex trying to fix things may be a trick, I know a lot of abusive people, and honestly I give props to anyone who tries to fix their mistake or tries to stop being abusive.

I want to add that Endeavor isn't some heartless abuser, even in the past as is shown when he actually just wants Dabi/Toya to stop training because the quirk was burning him. Sometimes I wondered if Endeavor saw it as his own quirk burning his son as the fire quirk was inherited from Endeavor, and this added to Endeavor's stress at the time... (stress is no excuse for abusive behavior!) Both parents admitted they had no idea how to talk to Toya, but it's a very clear mistake that even non-abusers make. Some people just don't know how to connect to others emotionally ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Problem was that Endeavor was physically abusive to his wife and I think the kids too. I hate him for this too, but people don't hate on Jackie Chan for the same thing? (Jackie Chan hit his wife and kid, always let it shown publicly and has stated multiple times that he's disappointed with his son, but because he's some movie star and does a bunch of charity, people just turn a blind eye to this? As an Asian-American, I looked up to JC as a kid but when he admitted in his autobiography he was abusive, I honestly hated that part about him. Also Jackie had cheated on his wife multiple times but everyone seems to forget this too like wtf) I don't get how a lot of people can forgive JC when they just hate on Endeavor for the same thing.

Endeavor and a lot of other heroes go through life-threatening stuff and honestly very traumatizing stuff that could make them have PTSD, and I think his abusiveness is also one of the flaws of the hero system just focusing on the heroic stuff and not on the mental health of their heroes. This isn't an excuse for Endeavor, but the hero system also needs a therapy system too! Like come on! You can't expect me to believe every single hero doesn't have some kind of PTSD...

Also, I've been seeing some posts or threads that bash on the Todoroki family for forgiving Endeavor. I respect all your opinions, and I do understand why people hate the "forgive your abuser" trope but please don't throw victims who forgive their abusers under a bus. I understand that every person's experience is different, but please don't hate on others. Some move on by forgiving while others move on by holding on to the hate, but please, let's not put any hate on how victims deal with their trauma. People deal with things differently from others and heal differently too! Even if you can't understand why people choose to forgive their abusers, please don't call them an idiot or anything else demeaning! The Todoroki family may be fictional, but honestly the way people see and wish Rei to be is the way a lot of people wish real abuse victims to be as well and a lot of people really don't realize they demean victims and are so a part of a vicious hate cycle that victims just want out of.

#rei todoroki #enji todoroki #todoroki #mha #don't hate on abuse victims #people deserve second chances #i really hated endeavor #jackie chan did practically the same as endeavor and no one hates him i dont get it

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brabe · 5 years ago

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WHAT IF... MURATA UGETSU HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

“Murata Ugetsu was by no means detached from life- nor was he free of worries and grief, he had feelings too- the same as anyone else... But, unlike ordinary people, his heart and his emotions were overflowing.

While I listened to Ugetsu’s music that day—to the sudden flood of music-feeling that was amplified so many times more than usual, I found myself wondering — how... just how was this child prodigy able to live...?

Be it joy, or sorrow, or suffering, Ugetsu lived with feelings which were much more complex, and exponentially larger than those of ordinary people- just accumulating it all within himself.” (Chapter 17)

Murata Ugetsu’s introduction struck a chord with me right away because I recognized the feelings described all too well. So, I asked myself, what if?

After finishing the anime, I read all the chapters of the manga mainly because I wanted to know more about this intriguing character, and I only kept finding clues that reinforced my initial assumption.

I am hyperfixated on mental health issues, in part wanting to find characters to relate to, so here is my reading of Murata Ugetsu. I wonder if anyone came to the same conclusion as me.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behaviour. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships with other people. A person with borderline personality disorder may experience episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from a few hours to days. In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others.

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” (Marsha Linehan, Professof of Psicology, who has BPD herself and developed the most effective therapy to date for this disorder).

There are many categories of symptoms for this disorder and I reckon Ugetsu manifests the following:

A pattern of unstable relationships swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation):

The most glaringly obvious one is, of course, the relationship with Akihiko.

“Right after Ugetsu has been away from home for some time, there is a honeymoon phase which lasts a few days. It’s as if we have returned to the past... And then out of the blue, it happens—as if he’s saying, yes, this is a great chance��let's take this opportunity, quit being together and break for real this time. Like he is in a rush... Like I am not needed. Like—he is forcibly shutting me out from his world.” (Chapter 19)

“Him and I... We have been causing each other nothing but despair for almost two years now.” (Chapter 17)

It’s also notable the lack of other relationships. When Mafuyu asks him, why Ugetsu was confiding in him, even though they were virtually strangers, Ugetsu replies: “Because I don’t have any friends! Perhaps, I really just wanted someone to understand... Just a little bit is enough.” (Chapter 17)

He is actually really kind towards Mafuyu, opening his home to him, freely helping him with music anytime Mafuyu wants even though he is a world-renowned musician and even letting him practice at his house while he is not there. We know he does that because he recognizes the genius in Mafuyu, but still, I think he actually would like to have friends; he probably just doesn’t know how to. We know that Akihiko was his first friend and evidently years later still the only one close to him.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, often followed by guilt and shame:

Ugetsu gets suddenly physically violent with Akihiko two times (and a third one is implied when Haruki first saw Akihiko and he had a bruised cheekbone). He throws a glass on the floor when Mafuyu visits him because Akihiko still hasn’t come back home. He seemingly inexplicably smashes the mug Akihiko gifted him: “Around the time we had just started to live together, when he brought me my first present, somehow... I hated that very much, and I refused it saying—’I don’t want it!’ Even though it was only a mug. Back then, I should’ve just said—’I’m happy. I want to be with him.’” (Chapter 17)

I believe the last one was a dissociative episode, another symptom of BPD, a trance-like state in which one is disconnected from their own mind, body and surroundings. Then the switch turns back on and Ugetsu suddenly starts crying, crouching on the floor, staring blankly at the broken pieces and picking them up, asking himself why, just why did I do this?

The guilt and shame aspect is also shown, when after having recounted his history with Akihiko to Mafuyu, Ugetsu leans his head on the steering wheel of his car remembering everything, clearly in grief, and thinking to himself: “Really... He is a good guy, isn’t he.” (Chapter 17). Here I want to indeed praise Akihiko and underline how well he dealt with Ugetsu’s dissociative episode. He didn’t freak out and lash out at Ugetsu, calling him crazy, but instead he tried to diffuse the situation, laughing and helping Ugetsu to pick up the pieces of the broken mug. As if to say, ‘it’s okay.’

Desperate efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

One way of doing this is leaving the other person before they leave you, which is exactly what Ugetsu does or tries to do. He is terrified that Akihiko will leave him definitely one day, but at the same time he actively tries to make him leave: “I’m the lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko and I guess he resents me, y’know... But I love him to death.” (Chapter 17)

“I’ve been pushing him away but he hasn’t given up on me at all. I’ve been trying to leave him every chance I get. But it seems like I’m still not good at doing that, so... I’ve always been waiting for him to let go of me.” (Chapter 17)

“What if he never came back, just like that? I’ve thought about it countless times. Yet, I’m still not able to imagine it. Tomorrow, he might come back all of a sudden? Or maybe he won’t? But, just the same, I want this suffering to end. But on second thought, I don’t really want that. All the stuff that’s in this room right now, the thought that everything might disappear... Will nothing... Not one thing remain?” (Chapter 27)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self:

It’s fair to say the core obstacle in his relationship with Akihiko. Ugetsu’s whole existence is ingrained irrevocably in music. It is what gives his life purpose and the outlet with which he deals with his too intense emotions. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if for some reason he lost music. And I am not positive he would survive that.

“After we graduated from high school—at the time, when I was actively performing as a musician... one day all of a sudden I realized, the existence of the other—was the one thing we both chased after the most in this world. As long as Akihiko is with me, I’ll be unable to become free with my music.” (Chapter 17)

Ugetsu felt as if he was losing himself and his music in his love for Akihiko, which brings to the unstable sense of self. This terrified him. Love is messy for everyone and anyone but with BPD emotions are plugged into an amplifier and dialled up to the maximum (“But for my heart to be touched like that”). He can’t deal with all of this and the fight-or-flight response is triggered and “Let’s end this already.” (Chapter 17)

Black-or-white thinking:

People with BPD often struggle to see the complexity in people and situations and are unable to recognize that things are often not either perfect or horrible, but are something in between. This can lead to "splitting," which refers to an inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs about oneself and others. Ugetsu seems to be obsessed with perfection and probably to be a world-renowned violinist you need to be to a certain degree. But for example, when asked by Akihiko to come to the band’s first live, he replies with: “Is it at a level that you can show me? Ah... it’s not at a level where you can reply to me right away... then, I won’t come. There’s no point watching a performance if the performer doesn’t have the confidence to do it well.” (Chapter 8)

Ugetsu doesn’t exist in the in-betweens. There is pefection or worthlessness, love or hate, music or Akihiko.

Depression:

Ugetsu manifests many symptoms of depression.

He is either practicing the violin or sleeping.

He seems to undereat. Almost in every panel in which they are at home, Akihiko worries about whether Ugetsu has eaten or not, and always offers to cook for him, implying that Ugetsu wouldn’t bother if left to his own devices.

He is untidy and careless to some degree. At the violin concerto where Ugetsu is the soloist, Akihiko exclaims: “Again? That idiot... His hair is a mess.” (Chapter 15) implying that it isn’t the first time that Ugetsu appears somewhat shabby at a formal event, in which furthermore he is the star. This fact in particular surprised me because I had the impression that Ugetsu was vain.

This neglectfulness also reflects in his living space. Once Akihiko leaves, the house is in complete disarray. When Akihiko comes back to say he will move out, the debris of the glass Ugetsu smashed when Mafuyu visited are still there.

Last but not least, Ugetsu lives in a soundproofed basement in semidarkness, a fortress of solitude of sorts from the outside world.

Suicidal thoughts or threats:

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to go to some unknown old man’s plantation on my own, and I enjoyed killing bugs by squishing them with my right hand, y’know... Then, on one clear sunny day, I happened to listen to some music playing on that old man’s radio. It was ‘In the flow of time’ by Paul Simon... Yet even though I was only a kid, I thought, wow... I want to die... It’s a good day, isn’t it? Well, there were other things too, but somehow, I wonder If I’ve basically been chasing that feeling of dying from back then...” (Chapter 21.5)

Well, this passage speaks for itself. In some capacity Ugetsu has been pondering on death, has been chasing it, since he was a small child. I think this can be linked to the BPD symptom of chronic feelings of emptiness.

Impulsive, self-destructive and sensation-seeking behaviours:

In this category I think we can include the sleeping around in which Ugetsu engages. While not a harmful behaviour in itself, I think the motive is. Ugetsu has been systematically sleeping around for two years not because he actually wants to and it makes him feel good, but he does it to spite Akihiko and as a coping mechanism to try and get over him. This wouldn’t do good to anyone’s mental health and self-worth.

“Ugetsu and I fought all the time, even after we broke up. That... was because of his timing when it came to finding a new man... It was as though he was doing to spite me.” (Chapter 19)

Intense and highly changeable moods:

Simply, all of the above.

This is all for now. I will edit this list if future chapters will shed more light on the mind and heart of this character that I have come to care so deeply about.

#murata ugetsu #given #borderline personality disorder #akigetsu #bpd

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crackspinewornpages · 4 years ago

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Hamlet, Prince of Denmark -William Shakespeare

A1S1

(in high school we had groups that had to make a video based on this play)

Francisco and Bernard are guarding the castle, it’s so dark they can’t see each other, (seems a problem when you’re supposed to be guarding should have brought torches) then they hear footsteps, it’s Horatio and Marcellus. Marcellus asks if it appeared again, not yet, the past two nights it showed, Bernard starts to explain the experiences when the ghost appears.

It’s the previous king and Horatio starts to question it but it walks away and disappears. Horatio confirms it looked like the king Hamlet wearing the armor he wore to fight Norway and slayed the king Fortinbras, his son is now gathering an army, “and even the precurse of fierce events, as harbingers preceding still the fates and prologue to the omen coming on;”p.1007 The ghost reappear and disappears at dawn and Horatio thinks to get Hamlet to see if it will talk to his son.

A1S2

In the castle the King, Queen, Hamlet, Polonius and others are grouped so Claudius can give a speech about his dead brother. The previous king is dead but let’s not mourn since he just married his brother’s window. Oh, and Fortinbras thinks they’re weak now, sent a message for them to surrender, so he’ll send Cornelius to Fortinbras’s bed ridden uncle and that’s the news. (wait wait wait go back to the potential war please that sounds pretty urgent) Claudius turns to Laertes (I played Laertes and the joke was he’s a hermaphrodite since we couldn’t really hide my big boobs) who wants to talk to him, he wants to return to France, he only came to see the coronation, Polonius will support him and the king allows it. Then he asks Hamlet why he’s still upset and his mother orders him to take off his mourning clothes, people die all the time he should know that. Hamlet says they suit his mood, (we played Hamlet as an emo) Claudius says that’s sweet but fathers die all the time, it’s duty to mourn but he’s doing it too much, (his dad died two months ago) maybe go back to school, or stay here and Hamlet agrees to stay for his mom.

Hamlet is left alone and soliloquies that he wants to die, (emo just go write some bad poetry) his father only died two months ago and here his mom married his uncle within a month. “It is not nor it cannot come to good; but break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue!”p.1010 Horatio, Marcellus and Bernard come to him and he greets them happy to see his friend Horatio. Horatio claims to come to the funeral, but Hamlet says he came for the wedding and Horatio confesses they followed. They then tell Hamlet they saw his father’s ghost who wouldn’t speak, they thought he should know. Hamlet confirms their description is like his father so agrees to watch with them tonight and see if it will speak to him. “My father’s spirit in arms! All is not well; I doubt some foul play: would the night were come! Till then sit still, my soul: foul deeds will rise, though all the earth o’erwhelm them, to men’s eyes.”p.1011

A1S3

In Polonius’s house Laertes is telling his sister goodbye and to write, also don’t get involved with Hamlet. “Perhaps he loves you now,”-“but you must fear, his greatness weigh’d, his will is not his own, hoe he himself is subject to his birth;”p.1011 (he doesn’t really have a choice his duty and country will come first) He warns to stay away from him or she’ll be hurt, “Be wary then; best safety lies in fear: youth to itself rebels, though none else near.”p.1011 Ophelia (her actress played her like a party girl) agrees to listen to his advice. Polonius comes to give Laertes some advice, don’t act rash, hold old friends close be slow to embrace new ones, don’t get into fights easily but if he has to kick ass, dress nice, listen and never borrow or lend money, also be true to himself. When Laertes leaves Polonius asks Ophelia what he told her and her relationship with Hamlet. She says Hamlet loves her Polonius forbids her from seeing him and don’t believe anything he says. (why wouldn’t you want your daughter to be a queen are you trying to spare her the cost of the crown)

A1S4

On the platform Hamlet, Horatio and Marcellus meet as the trumpets sound and Hamlet says his uncle likes to rouse his habit, and that such a thing is better broken then goes on that his revelry looks bad on the country, (a king that constantly parties like it’s 1999 doesn’t look good) when ghost daddy appears and Hamlet calls to him. “I’ll call thee Hamlet King, father, royal Dane, O! Answer me:”p.1013 He wants to know why after they buried him he’s come back, what should they do, it beckons Hamlet to follow and he does despite Horatio and Marcellus telling him not to. When he does his friends don’t like it, “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,”p.1014 so they follow after Hamlet.

A1S5

Finally the ghost speaks that he is tormented and requires vengeance, “till the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purg’d away.”-“Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.”p.1014 (could have told your distraught son that you love him but no give him a morally agonizing quest when he’s emotionally fragile) A most foul murder, he was sleeping in the orchard when a serpent poured poison in his ear and now wears his crown and married his queen. “If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not; let not the royal bed of Denmark be a couch for luxury and damned incest.”p.1014 (they’re not related by blood to each other so not technically incest) He says to leave his mom for heaven to judge and leaves Hamlet who begs him to stay and swears to remember and go through with the request, “that one may smile, and smile, and be a villain:”p.1015 (why is Shakespeare so damn quotable) Swearing to kill his uncle his friends find him but Hamlet only tells them what happened if they won’t say anything and swear on their swords even though he may act crazy not to reveal anything. They do after the ghost shouts from the ground to swear (he’s in the ground so is he in hell) and Hamlet bemoans his responsibility. “The time is out of joint; o cursed spite, that I was ever born to set it right!”p.1016

A2S1

In Polonius’s house Polonius gives Reynaldo money and letters to give his son also to spy on him and gives him instructions on how to and sends him off. (helicopter parent much) Ophelia then comes in, she’s frightened because Hamlet came in her chambers disheveled, grabbed her, stared at her then let her go and left. (like he agonized over having to leave her) Polonius decides to talk to the king about it since Hamlet must be in love and will do something desperate and Ophelia says she refused him and Polonius thinks that rejection made him crazy.

A2S2

King Claudius and Queen Gertrude meet Rosencrantz (I also played him changed his name to Rose) and Guildenstern and the king summoned them because of Hamlet’s behavior, unable to recover from his father’s death, what else could it be, so they’re here to make him happy. (did you try therapy) They agree to and the queen has them go get Hamlet. Polonius then enters announcing the ambassadors have returned Voltim and Cornelius. Voltim says the new king of Norway told his nephew not to make war with the Danes but Poland instead, Fortinbras agreed to as long as he can cross his army through Denmark and Claudius is relieved he avoided war. (…you’re a dumbass) Voltim and Cornelius leave and Polonius tells them Hamlet is crazy, pity but true, they need to find the reason. (he’s not taking his father’s death well you people are dense idiots)

He acted crazy with his daughter after she rejected him, he gives the queen Hamlet’s love notes. They plan to prove it by his hiding behind a curtain as Hamlet walks through the lobby and plant Ophelia to see if he’s really crazy for her. The queen notices Hamlet is reading and walking and the leave while Polonius stays to talk to him. Hamlet acts crazy calling Polonius a fish monger but Polonius notices his words are barbs.

When Polonius leaves Rosencrantz and Guildenstern enter and greet Hamlet and Hamlet asks why they came. Rosencrantz says they came to visit him nothing else (sure) Hamlet thanks them but knows the king and queen sent them because he’s depressed. Rosencrantz turns the conversation to the visiting actors, “He that plays the king shall be welcome; his majesty shall have tribute of me;”p.1021 Hamlet asks questions about them then tells his friends they are welcome to stay and he also only pretends to be crazy to fool his uncle-father and aunt-mother. (don’t word it like that)

Polonius enters announcing the actors arrival and Hamlet wants one of them to give a speech of the fall of Troy. (symbolism) Polonius assures they are the best actors as they enter Hamlet welcomes them very enthusiastically and praises the speech one gave and recites Priam’s slaughter and one player continues it. (symbolism) Polonius complains it’s too long, Hamlet gets them to recite more and Polonius begs not to. Hamlet allows him to leave with the players and yells for them to play the Murder of Gonzago (symbolism) and he’ll write a speech for them. (is Hamlet a theater nerd he is dramatic enough) When Rosencrantz and Guildenstern leave him Hamlet soliloquys of his plan to reveal his uncle in the play but he can’t say anything about it, “Am I a coward? Who calls me villain?”p.1023 For his father he must get revenge, have the players act out his father’s murder on front of is uncle to reveal himself. “the play’s the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.”p.1024 (check out the Star Trek episode The Conscience of the King it is one of the best of TOS)

A3S1

In a room Claudius, the queen, Polonius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are discussing Hamlet’s behavior. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern haven’t found a reason for his depression (his dad died) but he did seem excited about the actors (not for the reason you think) and the king sends them to find out more. Now they plan to set Ophelia to see Hamlet’s reaction and they leave as Hamlet is coming. He’s soliloquizing again, “to be, or not to be: that is the question:”p.1024 Is it nobler to kill himself after the act, then he sees Ophelia, she wants to return his letters but he didn’t send them and that he did love her once. He tells her to join a nunnery then breed sinners and it would be better had he not been born and lists his faults. (get over yourself) He asks about Polonius, “Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool nowhere but in’s own hoiuse.”p.1025

He leaves and Ophelia prays he’ll be restored and woe is her, “to have seen what I have seen, see what I see!”p.1025 (girl there’s so much worse) The king and Polonius reenter and Claudius says he’s not crazy from love, it wasn’t in his speech. There’s danger in it, they have to prevent it by sending him to England, maybe the change will get him over his depression. Polonius thinks the origin is from neglected love and has Ophelia tell him what he said to her, the king thinks he needs to be watched closely.

A3S2

In the castle Hamlet is discussing with the actors playing them up with praise and how to act their roles he gave them. Polonius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern come and Hamlet has them hurry the actors to the stage. Horatio comes and Hamlet is so happy to see him he expresses his affection for his qualities and asks him to observe his uncle during the play. The king and queen and others enter and Hamlet talks nonsense and asks Ophelia if he can lie in her lap. The actors enter the stage and act out the prologue of a murderer killing the king and seducing his wife, Hamlet calls the play the Mouse-Trap. (not the one by Agatha Christie) The actor nephew enters the stage revealing he is the one to kill the king by pouring poison in his ear. Claudius leaves the play and the rest follow and Hamlet takes it as a sign and Horatio also noticed how he acted.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern come back and Hamlet talks nonsense, they tell him his mother wants to talk to him. Rosencrantz says his behavior has struck her and asks what’s the cause of it (gee what could have happened recently) Hamlet doesn’t answer. The actors come with their recorders and Hamlet accuses Rosencrantz of playing him like a flute, “Call me what instrument you, will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me.”p.1030 (bitch I will play you like the cheap kazoo that you are) Polonius comes to take Hamlet to the queen and Hamlet steels himself to talk to her. “let me be cruel, not unnatural; I will speak daggers to her, but use none;”p.1030 (you know it’s bad when you have to tell yourself not to stab your mom)

A3S3

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are talking to the king, “I like him not, nor stands it safe with us to let his madness range.”p.1030 So he’s sending them to England with Hamlet. Polonius comes after they leave to inform him Hamlet is going to see his mother and he’ll spy on them. Now, alone, Claudius starts talking about his crime and guilt over murdering his brother, then starts to pray. Hamlet comes by and tells himself he can’t kill him while he’s praying because he’ll just be sent to heaven. (yeah don’t want another Canterbury incident) “that would be scann’d: a villain kills my father; and for that, I his sole son, do this same villain send to heaven.”p.1031 But it turns out Claudius didn’t mean those prayers. (then what was the point to show how bad he is)

A3S4

In the Queen’s room Gertrude has Polonius hide behind a curtain as Hamlet comes in. She tells him he offended his father Hamlet says she did, he doesn’t like that se married his uncle. She fears he’ll kill her and Polonius starts calling for help and Hamlet starts stabbing him behind the curtain. Polonius dies and Gertrude calls it awful, Hamlet says its not as bad as killing the king and marrying his brother. Hamlet then sees its not Claudius but mostly innocent Polonius. (we had Claudius and Polonius be played by the same person and this was the joke H: I thought that was Claudius they just look so much alike) Hamlet then torments his mother showing her pictures of Hamlet and Claudius, does she have eyes and he soliloquys and Gertrude begs him to stop. (please stop monologuing) “Nay but to live in the rank sweat of an enseamed bed, stew’d in corruption, honeying and making love over the nasty sty,-“p.1033 She begs him to stop and he keeps berating her.

Ghost daddy enters and Hamlet starts talking to him and Gertrude calls him mad and ghost daddy tells him to talk to her. She asks what he’s looking at and Hamlet asks if she sees anything, she doesn’t see or hear anything. He tells her to look at his father as it disappears then Hamlet tells her he was only pretending to be crazy (yeah talking to no one isn’t helping your case) don’t tell Claudius, also don’t have sex with him. (cause it’s super gross) Then he points to Polonius’s corpse and says heaven punished him with this, “I must be cruel only to be kind: thus bad begins and worse remains behind.”p.1033 He has to go to England with his school friends, “whom I will trust as I will adders fang’d,”p.1034 They’ll be hoisted on their own petards and he tells his mother goodnight as he drags away the body.

A4S1

Claudius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are talking but Gertrude has them go away so she can talk to him alone. Gertrude tells him Hamlet is crazy and killed Polonius and Claudius believes he’s a threat to them all, how can they handle it without causing nationwide scandal. He tells Gertrude Hamlet must be sent to England while they cover it up. (well they are rich enough to get away with it) He calls Rosencrantz and Guildenstern back and tells them what happened.

A4S2

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find Hamlet and ask him where the body is and Hamlet won’t tell them. He does round a bout saying he can’t trust them since they’re spies for Claudius and warns them, “when he needs what you have gleaned, it is but squeezing you,”p.1035 Rosencrantz says he doesn’t understand.

A4S3

The king tells his attendants he sent people to find the body, Hamlet is dangerous but they can’t put the law on him. (take note royalty are apparently exempt from murder) Rosencrantz enters saying Hamlet won’t tell them where he hid the body. Guildenstern brings Hamlet who says Polonius is at supper with the worms. “we fat all creatures else to fat us, and fat ourselves for maggots:”p.1035 (The Worms Crawl In The Worms Crawl Out~) Finally tells him he’s hidden under the stairs, the king sends people for it. He tells Hamlet he must leave for England at once, when he goes Claudius tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to follow, make sure he gets on board. With them gone Claudius hopes England will obey the sealed letters ordering Hamlet’s execution.

A4S4

In a plain in Denmark Fortinbras tells is captain to inform the king they are moving through Denmark as agreed upon. (see Fortinbras is what we call a foil like Hamlet he’s a prince, named after his father, father was killed, but instead of being like Hamlet dicking around he gets shit done) Meanwhile Hamlet and his friends notice the army and the captain runs into them and tells them the army is to fight Poland. “we go to gain a little patch of ground that hath in it no profit but the name.”p.1036 Hamlet marvels at so many people dying for little cause, (wonder what he’d think of modern events) he parts from them and soliloquys again (Shut up, Hamlet!) about his revenge giving him little gain.

A4S5

In the castle Gertrude and Horatio are talking to a gentleman, Ophelia isn’t taking her father’s death well. The gentleman comes back with Ophelia who’s singing about her father being dead and gone. The king comes in and she’s still talking and singing nonsense and when she walks away he orders Horatio to follow her. Then he tells Gertrude, “when sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”p.1037 Polonius dies, Ophelia went mad the people are suspicious and Laertes secretly sailed back. There’s a noise and the gentleman warns Laertes is coming with a mob of commoners calling for him to be king. Laertes breaks down the door calling for the king to give him his father, wanting revenge. Claudius admits he’s dead and Gertrude says he didn’t do it. (well…)

Ophelia reenters and when Laertes sees her state he’s enraged, Ophelia sings and passes around flowers. “there’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance; pray, love, remember, and there is pansies, that’s for thoughts.”-“there’s fennel for you, and columbines; there’s rue for you; and here’s some for me;”-“There’s a daisy; I would give you some violets, but they withered all when my father died.”p.1038 (I’m not going to list all the flower meanings but there’s a theory that Ophelia went crazy and because of that she knows the outcome of the play and is mourning the living) Claudius is all for Laertes getting revenge as long as it’s the right person (as long as it’s not him) Laertes wants him buried with no rights and Claudius is all for it. (as long as it’s Hamlet)

A4S6

In a room Horatio is talking to a servant who tells him sailors have letters for him. One gives it to him from the ambassador for England, it’s from Hamlet his ship was boarded by pirates and he was returned to Denmark. (Ho: How are you not dead? Ha: I have no idea! :D) They also have letters to the king and queen and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are still headed to England.

A4S7

In another room Laertes and Claudius are talking, Laertes wants to know why he did nothing against Hamlet, because the people love him and Gertrude loves him and he couldn’t upset them. “And so have I a noble father lost; a sister driven into desperate terms,”p.1040 He will have his revenge. A messenger enters with a letter from Hamlet that he’s returned alone (C: Oh! Give me a big fat break!) and Laertes is pleased his revenge won’t be delayed. Claudius wants him to since Hamlet is jealous of Laertes swordsmanship (in the video C: You can use a sword right? L: ah…. C: You’ll be fine) he will duel him with a sharp foil. Laertes plans to poison it and if that fails Claudius will poison his drink. Just then the queen comes in with news that Ophelia just drowned in a river (Horatio you had one job) went in holding her garlands (our teacher told us to be careful a previous group for the suicide scene pulled a Good Son and the cops were called) her dress became heavy and pulled her under (the exact reason I was warned never to swim in a dress) the king has them follow Laertes fearing his rage reawakened.

A5S1

In a churchyard two clowns (they are called clowns I guess because they’re comedy relief) are digging a grave talking about how the grave is for a woman and if she should be buried here since it may be suicide and they make gallows humor. Hamlet and Horatio see them as one goes off and the other is singing. The clown tosses up skulls and Hamlet wonders what they did in life and asks the clown whose grave it is, the clown says it’s his but not, it’s for a recently dead woman. The clown goes on to say he’s been a gravedigger since Hamlet killed Fortinbras and young Hamlet was born. Hamlet picks up a skull, “Alas! Poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio;”p.1043 (Yorick is what I named my cat skeleton) He was his father’s court jester, where’s his merriment now and puts it back down. “Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam,”p.1044 (no matter how great we were we return to the earth)

They hide when the funeral procession arrives carrying Ophelia and Hamlet sees Laertes first. It starts and when Hamlet sees Laertes mourning his sister realizes it’s for Ophelia. Gertrude spreads flowers hoping she would have been Hamlet’s wife and Laertes leaps into the grave to hug her and wants to be buried with her. (dude while dramatic that is seriously inappropriate) Hamlet leaps in and Laertes attacks him until they get out of the grave and Hamlet declares his love for Ophelia, he’d do anything for her even eat a crocodile (so I’ve eaten alligator before no great feat) and will be buried with her too. (just just stop) Gertrude calls it all madness as Hamlet leaves with Horatio and the king reminds Laertes to be patient.

A5S2

In the hall Hamlet and Horatio talk Hamlet tells him how he found letters on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern ordering his execution in England. So, he wrote new letters ordering their executions, he isn’t sorry fir them but for his actions to Laertes. (well you did disrespect his sister’s funeral after murdering his father) Osrice greets Hamlet then make him a fool of himself when he contradictorily agrees with whatever he says by confuses Hamlet and Horatio when he praises Laertes. A lord enters and asks Hamlet if he is ready for the duel and his mother is waiting for him, against Horatio’s warnings Hamlet agrees to the match. Hamlet says he’s ready to fall, “If it be now, ‘tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.”p.1047 (he’s just ready for it to be over)

The king, queen and Laertes enter and Hamlet apologizes to him claiming it was madness that he murdered Polonius. Laertes says he won’t forgive him unless someone advises him to. “But till that time, I do receive your offer’d love like love, and will not wrong it.”p.1048 Hamlet accepts it and they are given their foils and fight, (we used a pool noodle and pool que I was a wimpy little bitch) and Claudius claims if Hamlet wins the first hit he will drink to his health poisoning it. (the poison was Mio) Hamlet hits but refuses to drink, he hits again and Gertrude drinks from the cup before Claudius could stop her. Laertes tells himself to kill Hamlet with a poisoned sword is almost against his conscience but Hamlet goads him to continue and Laertes hits him but in the scuffle switch swords and Hamlet wounds him.

Claudius calls the match off as the queen falls and Laertes lay dying, “I an justly kill’d with mine own treachery.”p.1048 Hamlet asks about his mother and she calls she was poisoned. As Laertes dies he calls out to Hamlet that he is also dying, his sword was poisoned and so is the queen, all the king’s doing. Hamlet then stabs Claudius and makes him drink the poison, doubly dead and as Laertes dies says it’s served, “Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: mines and my father’s death come not upon thee, nor thine on me!”p.1049 Hamlet forgives him and tells Horatio to tell his story as there was a noise outside as Fortinbras is coming. Hamlet tells Horatio to tell Fortinbras what happened and dies. “Good-night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!”p.1049 (Horatio was played gay)

Fortinbras enters the castle and asks what the hell happened and one of the ambassadors announce Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Horatio says he will tell them the story and Fortinbras sadly embraces his fortune and has his captains carry Hamlet off like a soldier, “for he was likely, had he been put on, to have prav’d most royally: and, for his passage, the soldiers’ music and the rites of war speak loudly for him.”p.1049 (I sadly never got to see our final project but as a class we did see the Mel Gibson movie)

#hamlet #william shakespeare #books #book summaries #play #tragedy #drama

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tiffgeorgina · 5 years ago

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do you have any favourites parts of season 2? (I agree that the plot has been.... Thin? Non-existent?) But what are the things about this season that you've enjoyed?

hello anon! a few things i’ve enjoyed are:

-the new guest stars. watkins, hill, and raphael are knocking it out of the park. we waited longer than i wanted to to see june and dulé but hey, at least they’re here now! im already kinda attached to their characters and im pretty sure all of them are gonna get fucked over so im scared fjgkjhfdg

-just seeing all these mf characters again. ive missed them so much kjhgkdfjh i could watch them watch paint dry and i’d be okay with that bc i just MISSED THEM

-CONNIE. RESURGENCE. OMFG. i saw xosha roquemore (the actress who plays her) credited for 2x05 a couple weeks back and i FREAKED. OUT. god why do i love this narc. acab except for connie because i like her and she’s pretty (seeing her in full color and 80s style was a REVELATION)

-mo coming back ugh i missed him at the jammer group. seeing him complacent and beaten down HURT. im ready to see him fuck blair up i love blair but he’s walking away in handcuffs this season if mo has anything to say about it

-blair/harris. ok they’re cute i said it (plus they’re easily getting the most screentime out of all the couples this season which is nice bc their relationship is so much less established than the others)

-mo/dawn flashbacks mo/dawn flashbacks mo/dawn flashbacks mo/dawn flashbacks mo/dawn flashbacks!!! i knew we would be seeing their backstory but i didn’t expect it to be the first thing we saw all season!!! i love mo/dawn and i love getting backstory since i was waiting to know more about their past for so long and!! it’s here!! now we know everybody at the jammer group used to work for leighman and that’s why they hate them and we know mo and dawn go back a decade and!! it’s just so satisfying to KNOW i love to see it

-the entirety of Fore! (2x04) yassir. fucking. killed. that. shit. he was the sole writing credit for that episode, and when i saw that on the imdb page i simply knew it would be god tier. and it was! admittedly a little plotless, but that’s par for the course this season, plus it was early enough in the season to get away with it i think. the twist at the end. corky’s entrance. blair/harris. blair being an idiot. blair being a high idiot. yassir x being the king of feminism. yassir lester writing andrew’s emmy reel like that. we haven’t seen season 2B yet but 2A peaked with fore!. period. try to disagree with me. you can’t.

-ofc the 80s aesthetic that we all know and love. i saw somebody describe black monday as a period piece once and it seemed kind of ill-fitting bc it’s not set in victorian era england but yk what? it’s totally fitting. this is a period piece. the 80s slap.

-blair being the villain that we know he is. i wish they would quit stalling on this because it’s making all the characters seem monotonous and non-distinct, but i like those moments where blair snaps (“WE ARE DOING THIS” and “i am the only family you need now. just me”) andrew’s such an excellent actor and it’s fun to see this side of his range since he’s usually played really nice and wholesome (or at least not downright villainous) characters. he’s sending chills down my spine with some of the shit he’s doing and saying this season. andrew. emmy. nomination. now. GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

-momentary mo&blair resurgence (even if it’s fake). i miss mo&blair as father-son so fucking much anon you don’t even know. finding out that they were the ones clicking their heels in 2x06? i could’ve CRIED

-being right. ok this has a bit of lore but i have been STALKING the imdb page for black monday for MONTHS. bc they’ll add episode titles, or screencaps, or cast members all the time without telling anybody, and everything’s been accurate so far (so it’s not some troll lying on imdb we know that lol). specifically, in 2x09, there’s a character credited as dr. gabe egon. the tl already had suspicions that he had smth to do with conversion therapy bc there’s this one picture that sho released where you can see all this shit mo’s written on this board, and it DEFINITELY SAID CONVERSION THERAPY. and this episode comes around and roger is walking out this door that says “dr. gabe egon ~ therapy for the religiously erect” or whatever and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then roger blurts out that it’s literally CT and i !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this shit is in different areas for better or for worse and even if im confused and bored at the same time being pulled along for the ride is fun as hell

-the naming scheme for the episodes. i literally had no idea what they would do for the episode titles this season since there’s no countdown to black monday, but i like how it’s shit that the characters say/write. bc then a character says the episode name and you’re like !!!!!!!!!!! jfhgdfjk. plus it kinda tells you what’s going on--i knew 2x06 would be about a ponzi scheme before blair even proposed the idea in 2x05 bc the ep is titled Arthur Ponzarelli. and i knew fore! would be the episode where blair and the harrises are golfing and blair gets hit by a golf cart since “fore” is a golf term. and i know that 2x07, “who are you supposed to be?” is the weird halloween party ep where everybody looks ridiculous and ppl are def gonna be getting into it. 2x10 is titled “i don’t like mondays” and idk what that means but i bet mo says that line in the show. and 2x09 is titled “at that time” and im so scared bc that episode has a blair flashback and WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT DOES IT ALL MEANNNN

-more women and more women being relevant to the plot. good. it was getting a little obnoxiously man-influenced here. cmon the majority of the cast AND the majority of the directors AND the majority of the producers AND a majority of the writers AND both the creators can’t ALL be men. like pick a struggle.

whew that list was longer than i expected it to be! thanks for the ask anon! what are y’all’s favorite parts so far?

#black monday #anonymous #open mic night #slander

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romansleftshoulderpad · 5 years ago

Text

Barren: Chapter 15

Words: 3,021

Ships: Established Moralogince, Eventual LAMP

Warnings: food mention, past death mention, characters fighting, crying, eavesdropping, mention of an abusive ex

A/N: I’m not paying any dental bills if this gives anyone cavities

Tags: @fandermom @astral-eclipse @patheticlilkiddo @a-pastel-pan @dr-gloom @cloudedskies29 @quietwords-loudthoughts @mentallytiredgoat @merlybird500 @notveryglittery @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @ninja-wizard101 @littleladynightshade @pumpkinminette @weird-spooky-broody-dude @unicornlogansanders @muliphandomer @jacksmellington101 @notalwaysthebadguy @skruffy901 @jynxlovesluck

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The woman took purposeful strides, often forgetting how much shorter the boy walking next to her was. Her brown hair was pulled back tightly into a ponytail and she seemed to be dressed more for a business meeting than a therapy session. While not of a corporate degree, the woman certainly had business to attend to.

“Oh- H- Hello, I don’t have any appointments this week, but-“

“Cut the shit, Emile,” Nicole said. “Where’s my son?”

+++

Virgil was thriving from all the attention he had been getting. Patton showered him with forehead kisses and cuddles, Roman offered compliments and hugs at every corner, and Logan was always there to offer reassurances and reminders of how loved he was.

He felt like he belonged. And that was the most confusing thing of all. His heart was torn in a million different directions between soaking in all of the love or hiding far, far away from it all so that the rejection would hurt less.

But Virgil was selfish. And deeply falling into the abyss of love. He laughed as he saw Logan and Patton dancing in the kitchen, both so clumsy but laughing and full of love. “Dance with me,” Roman said, holding a hand in front of Virgil’s.

“Oh- I- I have two left feet,” he lied.

“So do those two. C’mon. It’ll be fun.” Roman’s invitation felt so common yet so intimate all at once. Virgil knew how the three of them loved to dance together when they were alone, was this some sort of a silent invitation into the quietest and domestic parts of their lives? Of their relationship? Virgil’s heart sped in his chest.

He took Roman’s hand and let himself be twirled into the kitchen and a gentle waltz, safely tucked between Roman’s arms. His heartbeat in time to the soft, jazzy tune he vaguely remembered from a movie he had seen with his mother when he was a kid. He could hardly remember anything other than talking dogs and a lot of balloons, but the song vibrated through his chest with the word “soulmates” echoing through his head.

It was a feeling he had read about in books and fairytales. Soulmates knowing that they’re meant to be together. It all seemed so fake all those years ago, and as he got older he knew being Barren meant he’d never be able to feel that. But now? Everything seemed perfect. It seemed so right, in a horribly wrong sort of way.

Roman twirled him into Logan’s arms as he began to dance with Patton. Virgil smiled at Logan and laughed awkwardly but found dancing with him to be far easier than expected. Logan was a perfect lead, precise and taking each step deliberately, and he kept a firm hold on Virgil but one that felt comforting nonetheless.

They all kept dancing, switching partners every few minutes, and laughing and loving. The song ended with Virgil once again in Roman’s arms, laughing as their foreheads pressed together. He found himself completely blind to the glance that Logan and Patton shared; he found himself completely blind to the fact that his life was about to change forever.

Later that day, when Roman was tucked away with work and Patton and Logan were busy training, Virgil found himself lying on the floor of Elliot’s room. “How much did it hurt?” he asked. “The tattoo. Mom always wanted me to get one, but I was too scared of the pain.”

“Yeah,” Elliot said. “But it’s not that bad. And if it saves your life, it's worth it.”

“And yet we’re both here,” Virgil said. “So, was it?”

“I-“ Elliot thought for a moment, silence on their tongue. “I just... chose the wrong name.”

“A bully?”

“A boyfriend,” they said. “He’s not exactly... a fan of people like us. Sometimes I wonder if he’s the one that reported me.”

“Tattoo shops are raided all the time,” Virgil said. “Someone probably just stole the documents.”

“Someone,” they argued, “would have had to tell the police first.”

“That’s fair.”

“How did you get caught?”

“Typical story. Someone saw my arm, caused a scene, and I just couldn’t outrun the cops. I was put on display. I hated it.”

“Virgil, that sounds awful.”

“I’m sure what you went through wasn’t exactly a picnic either.”

“Being Barren sucks ass.”

“It really does, doesn’t it?” Virgil laughed. “But at least we have company. I can’t imagine doing this all with anyone else.”

“It sounds like you love them,” Elliot teased.

Virgil stood silently for a moment, memories and emotions rushing to his head and through his heart. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Maybe I do.”

“Oh no, you’re in deep, huh?”

Virgil sent them a glare. “I’m just saying that I,” he said slowly, putting deep thought and consideration into every word, “enjoy their company.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh don’t give me that look!” Virgil said. “It’s not like I’m calling them my soulmates- well...-“ He decided that was a topic for a different day. “They make me feel safe. And loved. And isn’t that all anybody wants when all is said and done?” He paused for a moment, face blushing as he thought of that morning’s events. “I think they’re incredible.”

“I wish you the best of luck with that.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Thanks. And I wish you the best of luck with getting out of here. I’m sure this isn’t your ideal situation.”

“Living with my therapist, three polyamorous idiots, and my best friend’s hero?” they asked. “Not what I expected, no.”

“Hero?”

“You’re a living legend!” Elliot explained. “My friend Kai really admires you. He thinks you’re pretty kickass.”

“Kickass? I hardly did anything. Logan is the one who saved me.”

“Au contraire,” Elliot argued. “You saved me.”

“Huh. Maybe I do have a bit of kickass.”

“Hell yeah, you fucking do.”

“Language.”

“Kiss my ass,” Elliot said, sticking out their tongue with a laugh. Virgil fell back against the floor with laughter. He finally felt like he was making up for lost time on all the years he spent friendless and alone.

+++

It was a grocery day. Patton was thankful to have the least risky job of the bunker, but that never meant he was completely safe. He kept the sleeves of his cardigan just high enough the show that he had a mark, but still covered enough to prevent anyone from looking any closer at it. He carried reusable shopping bags in his hands as he walked the extra block back to Roman’s Jeep. As he walked, he found himself faced with a difficult proposition.

Would it be the right thing to do to visit Emile?

On one hand, if Emile had wanted to see them, surely he would have come back to the bunker already.

But what if he needed company? There’s a large difference between having a friend visit you and going back to a small family.

Patton pulled out the keys from his pocket and unlocked the Jeep. He piled in grocery bags into the back seat and got into the driver’s seat. He took a deep breath and started the directions to Picani’s office...

+++

Roman was starting to get really sick of the sound of keys typing. He had been locked in the office for hours, trying to get paperwork done for the organization. He hated paperwork, especially on such short notice. He had been taking whatever short lunch break he had to just walk around the bunker and have an opportunity to stretch his legs. He stopped in front of Elliot’s room, his hand on the doorknob, to ask if they were hungry.

“It sounds like you love them.”

“Yeah. Maybe I do.”

Roman knew that eavesdropping was wrong, but could anyone blame him if he stuck around for a few more seconds, just for some context?

Eventually, his guilty conscience was too hard to ignore and he quickly made his way into the kitchen to at least attempt a meal. That is if black coffee and ramen count as a meal.

“A man of high taste, huh?” Virgil teased as he passed by.

Roman’s heart raced as he emptied the noodles into the pot. Did Virgil know he had been listening? “I could make you some if you want.”

“Nah, I had a turkey sandwich earlier,” Virgil said. “But have fun with your John Mulaney Piss Poor College Student Dinner Deluxe.”

“No one said it’s easy when Patton is on grocery duty,” Roman teased, turning around but easily finding himself chest to chest with Virgil and trying not to blush so hard. Was Virgil’s smirk always this adorable? The younger boy was at the same height as Roman’s lips, perfect for forehead kisses; was he allowed to be flustered by such a simple fact?

Virgil quickly moved out of the way. “No offense, but this place has never exactly had a five-star kitchen.”

Roman laughed, moving to a different counter to chop up some old vegetables for his noodles. “In our defense, all we have is Emile’s extra cash to feed us.”

“Do you think he’ll come back?” Virgil asked quietly. “Or- Or maybe I could hide in the back of the Jeep next time Patton leaves and- and then I can talk to him and say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I- And then maybe he will come back! Or- At least things will be okay again and- and- and-“

“Virgil, you need to calm down you’re getting hysterical,” Roman said. “You can’t leave the bunker. It’s still very dangerous for you out there.”

“But Emile-“

“Emile will be fine. You, however, won’t be.”

“But-“ Roman opened his arms wide and Virgil ran into him, hiding his face in Roman’s chest. Roman rubbed on hand on Virgil’s back as he hummed the gentle tune they had all been dancing to that morning.

“What if I lose Emile too?” Virgil asked quietly. Roman could feel the tears on his shirt. “I already lost my mom. I can’t lose him too.”

“You won’t,” Roman whispered. “This is just how Emile is. Sometimes he just needs to hide away for a while. Until the sadness subsides, you know? He’ll be back in his own time. He’s gone through a great loss and all we can do is give him time.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Okay.”

“And Virgil? He loves you. Don’t think that this means he cares for you any less.”

“Your ramen is burning.”

“Oh fuck!” Roman yelled, running over to the stove and quickly moving the pot off the burner. He tossed in a few of the chopped veggies and stirred in the seasoning. “Not my best batch,” he teased, easing off the mild heart attack he was experiencing. “I’m usually better at cooking.”

“That’s half my fault,” Virgil teased, quickly wiping his eyes and seeming more than eager to change the conversation.

“Oh please, I’ve ruined plenty of Patton’s meals by being an attention whore,” Roman said. “The desire for Patton hugs waits for no man, woman, enby, or pot roast.”

“I believe that.”

“So uh, this is probably a bad time to ask,” Roman said as he poured his half-burnt half raw soup into a bowl. “But I’m working on getting Elliot transferred.”

“Transferred?”

“And I, well, I need to ask if you want to go with them,” Roman said. Despite knowing that Virgil would likely say “no” he couldn’t stop his heart from racing or his hands from shaking. “I know this isn’t really your thing. We can get you a tattoo and send you to a division in another country. You can start life all over again.”

“Start over?”

“And you won’t be trapped underground,” he said through a forced smile. “But it’s up to you. It wouldn’t take long to do the paperwork once I get Elliot’s set up.”

“Leave,” Virgil said slowly as if the word left a bitter taste on his tongue.

“You know, repeating everything I say isn’t much of an answer.”

“Right, I’m sorry,” he said. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to give me an answer straight away. It’s okay to take your time.”

“No, that’s not what I meant I- I think that paperwork is completely unnecessary.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You know, I have an anxiety disorder and I, well, I don’t like change soooo.”

“So?”

“You’re really going to make me spell this out for you, huh?”

“It’s a simple question, Virgil.”

“I want to stay,” he mumbled. “As cliche as it sounds, you guys are like a family to me. I don’t want anything to ruin that.”

“Oh, Virgil,” Roman said with a smile. We love you too.

+++

Patton hated going anywhere empty-handed, which is why he was currently walking into Dr. Picani’s office with a box full of chocolate donuts. He had expected to find Emile alone and silently working on paperwork, what he found instead was the flap of a butterfly’s wings that started a storm.

Or perhaps it was already a storm from a butterfly of long, long ago.

“Emile, I didn’t realize you have patients.”

“Patton!” Emile yelled. “What are you doing here?” He seemed to be in the middle of a fight with a tall, brunette woman and a short boy with cotton-candy hair.

“I came to see how you’re doing. And, uh, give you these,” he said, putting the box of donuts on the table. The young boy immediately went for the box of donuts and started eating one.

“Patton, I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Bianchi. Mrs. Bianchi, this is my old friend, Patton Hart.”

“Bianchi?” Patton asked, eyebrows raised. “Any relation to the wanted fugitive?”

“Who’s asking?” Nicole asked, her voice dripping with poison.

“It’s okay,” Emile said. “We’re all on the same side.”

“Nicole is Virgil’s mother. She’s trying to find him.” “And I need to find Elliot!”

“Kai,” Nicole whispered, “you need to calm down.”

“NO!” Kai yelled. “I need to know where they are!”

“Elliot’s with Virgil,” Patton said. “Both of them are only an hour’s drive away.”

“Oh my God,” Nicole gasped. “He’s okay.”

“Elliot’s on their way to being transferred, though,” Patton said.

“Transferred?”

“The bunker only has room for so many,” he explained, “and it’s not exactly a life living underground.”

“So, where are they going?”

“One of the other branches of our organization will take them and help them set up a new life.”

“And Virgil?”

“The choice to stay or leave is Virgil’s to make,” Patton said. “That is if he hasn’t made it already.”

“I need to see him,” Nicole pleaded. “Please, I need to see my son!”

“And you will,” Patton said. “But not today. You never know who could be following.”

“So what the hell am I supposed to do? Wait?!”

“With the knowledge that your son is safe and loved, yes.”

“Mr. Hart, I need to know, how is he doing? What has his life been like for the past few months?” Nicole asked. “You said my son is loved, how can I be so sure?”

“Virgil has spent the past few months living with and my two boyfriends, Roman and Logan, as well as Dr. Picani and his late queerplatonic partner, Remy- may God rest his soul- and I can assure you that we have spent all these months making sure that he is comfortable. As I have grown closer with Roman and Logan, the three of us have also grown to care for your son. I can only hope that no matter what, he is safe and happy.”

“Patton,” Emile whispered under his breath, a knowingness in his tone and the shine of his eyes.

“And I know he misses you, Nicole. Call me in a week and I can arrange for Emile to bring you to our hideaway.”

“Will Elliot still be there?” Kai asked.

“Of course,” Patton said. “As long as you can promise to see them, I’ll hold off on their transfer. You two deserve a proper goodbye.”

Kai blinked back a few tears and smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Hart. Thank you so much.”

“Of course, now if you don’t mind, I need a few minutes alone with Dr. Picani.”

“Of course, Mr. Hart,” Nicole said. “And thank you so much. I will be in contact with you in one week.”

“I look forward to it, Mrs. Bianchi.”

Nicole and Kai smiled as they left the room and Patton was quick to fall onto Picani’s couch.

“Patton, you really must warn me next time,” Emile said. “You know how I hate surprises.”

“You’re going to complain to me about surprises? That was a surprise, Em.”

“She shocked me too, but-”

“How long have you known?”

“What?”

“Nicole. How long have you been hiding the fact that she’s trying to find Virgil? How long have you hidden Virgil from her?”

“A month or two but-”

“A month?! Emile!”

“I didn’t want you all to lose Virgil!”

“Virgil needs his mother, Emile. As much as you care for him, and as much as I love him, he needs his mother.”

“He needs us too.”

“That’s his own choice to make.”

“I just... I thought this would be easier. For everyone.”

“Em,” Patton sighed, “it’s time to admit that you were wrong.”

“How can I make this up to you guys?”

“One week,” Patton said, getting up from the couch and heading out of the office. “I have frozens in the car.”

“Patton-”

“Enjoy the donuts.”

+++

When Patton got home, seeing Roman waiting for him seemed to be all that mattered. He parked the car and turned off the engine, lazily putting the keys in his pocket as he slipped out of the car.

“Babe, let me help you with the bags.”

“Shh, bags can wait,” Patton said, wrapping his arms around Roman’s neck and letting all of his weight fall onto his boyfriend.

“Long day?”

“Mhmm.”

“Want me to just shut up and kiss you?” he teased.

“You know me so well,” Patton said as Roman’s hand cupped his cheek and they closed the gap between them. Yeah, Patton thought, bags can wait.

#Barren #btw any urls that weren't able to be added to the list were removed for space sake but are still on the original list #PLEASE dm me if I need to update your url on the list okay

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yoongihoseok97 · 6 years ago

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Trepidation

Reader x BTS ~ all members are individual

summary overall- “some dude once said, life begins where fear ends, so why is it that my only fear is to continue living?” or a series of depressing af stories, where the reader suffers from a large amount of mental illnesses due to a singular phobia.

warning- im not going to put a whole load of warnings in this section, instead im going to warn you that this isn’t supposed to offend anyone. i know that a lot of people suffer with mental illnesses, including myself, so when reading this i don’t mean to just use it as a story. i know a phobia isn’t diagnosed but it is a part and factor to something as common as anxiety and depression. so again im sorry if this may affect you, so if it may, please don’t read this as it does contain very dark themes.

SUMMARY

Kim Seokjin:

Autophobia- the fear of being alone. Your childhood wasn’t as great as most. orphaned at the age of five, adopted at the age of eleven. the family that took your in were the exact opposite of what your living conditions were like. Homeless and dirty to rich and pristine. they tried to help you move on from your past, but nothing could take that away. so when they introduced you to their friends son, you began to think they might’ve succeeded.

Min Yoongi:

Algophobia- the fear of pain. an outcast. that’s all you were and to to honest that’s how you preferred it. you had this constant fear walking alongside you. you see, physical pain scared you, but emotional pain terrified you. the fear of it consuming your every thought and stomach and heart, it was too much to handle. the fact that every time you felt nervous or excited it rallied in the pit of you stomach. sometimes you had panic attacks, sometimes you were sick. you stayed away from most people in case they ever caused that emotion to sping. it sounded selfish but it was for the best. you never wanted anyone to like you or befriend you, or you would just end up letting them down and being a constant weight on your shoulder. so naturally it sucked when you met someone at your therapy.

Jung Hoseok:

Atychiphobia- the fear of failure. your mother had always wanted something of you. with or without your father in the picture, she never changed from the cold bitch that put you through the worst sorts of pain, emotional and physical. at a young age she put you into a ballet class, thinking she would love for you to have a secure future. but as soon as the money came raking in, she took it for men, drugs and mainly alcohol. so you danced it away, even if it was she tortured you into. you couldn’t fail her, but the lack of emotional support made you want to continue, which doesn’t sound right exactly. but you wanted to prove her wrong and prove to yourself you were good at something. yet that never worked, until she slept with your dance instructor and got you a new one. now you had to prove to him you were.

Kim Namjoon:

Anthropophobia- the fear of people/society. you hated people. they were all full of bullshit, and lies and then more bullshit. all they did was mope over themselves and whine about how terrible their lives were. its not like you did it because yours was too, but you wished people would be more happy and truthful. maybe that way you could be. at least that’s what you told yourself. you hated people because of their bullshit and self resentment. but really they terrified you because they had their shit. the thought of them being around you and them having their problems and then their problems crowding around you freaked you the hell out. like this continuous spiral that you couldn’t stop falling down. you stayed mostly at BigH, a small bar where underground rappers would perform and everyone would keep to themselves. it was dark so you could never see them and the music helped. you shut yourself out from everyone and just listened. so when one performer caught you by surprise you couldn’t help but want to socialise for the first time in your life.

Park Jimin:

Atelophobia- the fear of imperfection. Rehearse. try again. fail. rehearse. try again. fail. that was the routine you had known for the majority of your life. everyone tried to stop you but everyone also failed. your parents couldn’t control it so they made you take sessions and put you somewhere they thought you could control it. your friends couldn’t handle it so they left to save themselves the hassle and time. so most of the time you found yourself alone, isolated. just you the dance floor and, to put it bluntly, your razor. it was dark you knew, but you felt as though you had to punish yourself somehow. you weren’t right and that needed to be fixed. you had to fix yourself. even though you didn’t really get along with people you still hated the isolation. so when someone joined the dance studio, you were slightly uncomfortable, and so was he. but i guess friendships grow in the strangest of places.

Kim Taehyung:

Achluophobia- the fear of darkness. you only go out during the day, you always sleep with a light on, and sometimes, you can’t even close your eyes. you do, and you’re trapped. sometimes, you wished that you could go out, sit on the roof and look up at the stars. they fascinated you, that fact that they were the only natural source of light at night. but every time you tried, you just panicked and stumbled back into the house. but you still had to have a normal life, going to school, making friends, getting your degree at college. but you couldn’t go out to clubs or probably never have the night with someone. but then you met someone. just a few problems. he was a typical night-owl, all-nighter and fratboy yu had met during art.

Jeon Jungkook:

Aphenphosmphobia- the fear of being touched. you met him at a bar. an unusual place for someone like you to be, but you were twenty years old, you knew how to look after yourself. at least that’s what you told yourself. it was nice to believe it, but at that current moment, you didn’t really give a shit. you've had a shit day at work, you hadn’t got the pay you were promised after working an extra six hours, and to top it all off, some idiot was trying to hit on you. if they knew that deep down you were seriously mentally unstable, serious anxiety and a topping of PTSD, then no way would they even approach you right now. but then he touched your shoulder and it felt like the floor had given way to your legs like your brain was constantly reminding you of your shit like your stomach wanted to throw everything back up. normally the drinking helped but clearly, you hadn’t had enough yet. the man held onto you looking into your eyes, but you couldn’t focus them, he was making it worse. before you knew it someone else approached him and started a fight. you felt him hold your hand and you almost threw it away as far as you could but it was different. he only wore gloves but his gentleness made you feel safe somehow. you had started to focus your sight and breathing as you went out back gasping for air...

Authors note: so I know I kind of spoke in the warning section but I wanted to lift the mood back up. ill do an individual story for each member and ill try my hardest not to make it short and crap. ill still continue with my other series but I thought I should give it a bit of a change. I have some other fic ideas too, but if you want something requested just say so. also this may take a while but I definitely want to do it so again, sorry :))) xx

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newagesispage · 5 years ago

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OCTOBER 2019

PAGE RIB

Stephen King has released yet another: The Institute

*****

Salmon Rushdie has given us Quichotte

*****

October 1: Jimmy Carter is 95!! Go Jimmy

*****

For some new discoveries and theories on the often told tale, check out Chaos: Charles Manson, the CIA and the secret history of the 60,s by Tom O’Neill.

*****

Metallica has cancelled their tour.

*****

The Creamery Bridge in Vermont was closed for a time because of a Sasquatch scare.

*****

Days alert: Woo Hoo!! Dr. Rolf is back!! ** Why do they keep using that ‘WET PAINT’ sign all over the town square? A joke? Really painting the sets and they just leave them up for an inside laugh? ** The Shah/Jen story was good.. it showed what a good actor he really was. He was always so blah! It’s funny that as he left us , we finally get his back story. He even mentioned Norman Bates. ** Stefan is out. Claire is in. I loved Dr. Rolf’s “pro life” line. Will many of the young girls get pregnant, ( think Lani, Ciara, Gabi, Sarah, Haley and Kristen) and will all the babies get mixed up and will Days jump a year ahead? Well, that’s the rumor. ** What is up with Hope?

*****

Senator Chuck Grassley is applying for his second bailout since October for the farm he owns. ** $30 billion in welfare has been given to farmers.

*****

This whole vaping scare is not really a surprise. Why do companies have to be so greedy and fill these with nicotine anyway? Why do good flavors have to be taken off the market because parents can’t keep them away from the kids? Can’t we have fun flavored simple mist in a vaping apparatus that has no dangerous chemicals? So many people just need that occasional outlet and something to do when relaxing.

*****

Spy devices were found near the White House. They believe Israelis are responsible.

*****

Word is that around Liberty University, Jerry Falwell Jr. uses fear in dealing with staff and sends them pictures of his wife in sexual situations.

****

They need to make a biopic about Rickie Lee Jones and it should star Hillary Swank. JS

*****

A CIA source has been pulled from Russia they say because Trump can’t be trusted not to tell Putin who he is. The operative is the agent who confirmed the interference in the 2016 election and has worked there for decades.

*****

Rose McGowan and some of the Me too movers and shakers would like Lisa Bloom to be disbarred after her dealings with Harvey Weinstein.

*****

Mark Sanford is running for President.

*****

Sarah Palin’s husband has filed for divorce.

*****

Stacey Dash was arrested for domestic battery in Florida.

*****

Stranger Things has been renewed for season 4.

*****

Hey.. Robert King.. Glad that U R back!

*****

People from Alabama were calling the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration in a panic after scary clown 45 included them in the path of Hurricane Dorian. Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross threatened to fire meteorologists who contradicted the idiot.

*****

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen got into it with the Pres. She called him a pussy ass bitch.

*****

In the 80’s, 80% of our clothing were made here in the U.S., now it is 3%.

*****

The House Judiciary committee is holding hearings about hush money to Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels.

*****

Conversion therapy leader, McKrae Game has announced he is gay.

*****

It is odd that we don’t hear more about women who are addicted to crime shows. It is such a thing.

*****

Weight Watchers is not WW. OK.

*****

North Carolina’s political maps have been deemed unconstitutional and must be redrawn.

*****

In Nashville, Rev. Dan Reehil has banned Harry Potter books at the St. Edwards School

*****

Why does Fallon imitate his guests all the time? He is always repeating what they do much like a child would.

*****

Scary Clown’s personal assistant, Madeline Westerhout is out.** John Bolton is out.

*****

$32.50 for a Trump key chain? What?

*****

SNL started off the season with a bang. Woody Harrelson hosted and ended by showing support for Greta Thunberg. The next hosts will be Phoebe Waller- Bridge, David harbor, Kristen Stewart and Eddie Murphy.

*****

A man was chopping down an old diseased tree when a cannonball fell out of it. This particular cannonball in a tree was near a home that was used as a hospital during the first battel of independence, Mo. in the Civil War.

*****

In Kentucky, Mitch McConnell said yes to treasury funds for an aluminum plant backed by a Russian oligarch. He said no to treasury funds for coal miner’s health care and pensions.

*****

Joe Biden pledges to take no fossil fuel money but then attended a fundraiser hosted by Andrew Goldman, founder of Natural Gas Company, Western LNG.** It’s so sad, Biden leads which makes it seem that the people who pay the least attention decide who is going to run this place.** He really has to stop saying, “Look”, all the time.

*****

The Sept. 12 Dem debate was exciting, I loved the kudos that Biden and then others gave to Beto for his actions in Texas after the shootings. Other than that Biden seemed to stumble a lot especially with his, “make sure the kids hear words” stuff. O’Rourke seems to have finally hit his stride with, “Hell yes, we’re gonna take your AR-15’s.” I’m not even sure I agree but I loved so much that he had the guts to say it. I’m in! His only real problem was the color of his tie, it washed him out. Later, Briscoe Cain sent a tweet to Beto: My AR-15 is ready for you.** Yang, as usual was not given enough time but he did calm the others when they wanted to spar. He spoke so clearly and did not sidestep. He had a great point with the U.S. not starting wars because we are not too good at rebuilding. Case in point: Puerto Rico. He also proposed $100 in democracy dollars so people can participate and give to the candidates they believe in. He seemed to tear up when talking about missing his son’s first day at school. His salesmen pitch like giveaway was too much though. ** Buttigieg had a good idea with his ‘community rural visas’ to bring immigration everywhere.** Warren and Sanders were straight forward with no real surprises. Gotta thank Bernie for reminding us that he didn’t vote for Bush’s war or Trumps military spending bills and the crowd seemed to love him. Both at the debate and after (like Bari Weiss on Maher’s overtime), people keep calling Bernie ‘President’. Accidents? ** Harris was cool and calm but seemed a bit scripted. She was the only one to really bring up Trump. ** Protestors had to be cleared as Biden started his final words. They were yelling, “We are DACA recipients. Our lives are at risk.” I’m sure it had to unnerve him as he began to talk of his sad life and his family. The late night comics said that he did a good job but I didn’t think so.** Klobachar told us a lot about herself. I think I learned the most about her. Castro, who I really liked a lot at the first debate, should just get out after this performance. ** Why was Rahm Emanuel there?** The Trump campaign sent a banner flying over Texas Southern University. ** DeBlasio is out.

*****

By the end of September, Warren is #1 in New Hampshire. She is 2 points behind in the nation and Yang is #4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“We will no longer sell the AR-15 to the public.”- Colt Thanks Beto!! A simple candidate has made more positive change than Scary Clown. Stop being so scared Dems, change can happen!

*****

When Warren was on Colbert she said,” Why don’t we just quit now and do a selfie line? The selfies are the most fun about this. Really? The night before, after her rally she selfied for 4 hours.

*****

Young people will propel the changes in the views of this country. The young demographic thinks differently on guns and climate and the young usually rule eventually. VOTE!!

*****

An intelligence official filed a formal whistle blower complaint against our ruthless Archie Bunker on steroids about his interaction with a foreign leader. It seems that it was a phone call with Ukraine’s Zelinski about the Biden’s but things are still unfolding. Did he pressure people to work with Guilliani? The transcript is out and Pelosi has started a formal impeachment inquiry. When the WH sent talking points to their republican colleagues to try to calm the waters, they accidently sent them to the Dems too. The WH also moved the info to a private server as we now know there is even more stuff there. Wouldn’t it be justice if the private server brought him down? ** Blame is flying everywhere. Trump has thrown Barr and Rudy and even Pence into the mess. Rudy tells us that he went to the Ukraine for the state department but they say no! He has been so rude and unhinged on the talk circuit. He has now been subpoened.** Joseph Maguire, acting director of National intelligence was only on the job a few days when he was informed of the whistleblower complaint. He was questioned all day in hearings and was very polite. Both sides could calm down on the snarky.** The Secretary of State is basically holding down 3 jobs. The WH is quite under staffed and there is talk that they may bring in outside people to handle the situation but Trump does not want that. The campaign is where they will really fight, that is where all their money is. ** The ambassador to Ukraine has stepped down.**

*****

Now word is that Trump and Barr tried to get Australian PM Scott Morrison to look into those who were behind the Russia investigation. Pompeo is now getting pulled in too. It is really like the tin foil hat conspiracy guy down the street is running this country.

*****

Never compare your insides to someone else’s outside. -Thank you Rob Lowe

*****

Hillary and Chelsea are headed out to promote their new book, Gutsy Women. It is impeccable timing but I am sure she is so sick of talking about the big blowhard elephant in the room. It really is time to hear from her again.

*****

Law and Order SVO started its 21st season with a little nod to Gunsmoke. What a great touch.

*****

Has the military really spent $200,000 on Trump’s Scottish resort?

*****

What’s up with the Cleveland Browns? They are winning.

*****

4 feet of snow in September in Montana?

*****

Seth Meyers went too far with his Rudy hate. I am a bit disturbed that Seth, Maher and Colbert get nearly as bold in the other direction as Fox News. Yes, these are evil people running the country and there is enough that they do without calling them out on things that are not your business. About Rudy marrying a second cousin, Seth said “that’s awful.” Don’t pass your prejudice and judgement on these people like others do on color and religion et al. Cousins can marry, it’s not illegal and how might that make the children of cousins feel?

*****

Pennsylvania Senator Michael Folmer was arrested for child porn that was on his computer and has since resigned. I am sure that if he went on Fox and said nice things about the fearless leader that he could get a job in the White House. It seems to be the way it is done, Fox is the audition.

*****

Robert C. O’Brien is the new National Security Advisor.

*****

The family of John Dillinger do not believe that he is in the grave. A body id buried in Indianapolis but they have asked for an exhumation.

*****

Millions came out on the 20th to ask for action on climate change. Go Greta Thunberg !! Some are spinning it that since she is autistic, she has been abused by her parents by being forced into her activism. I have seen no evidence this. She makes more sense than most leaders on the subject. Fox’s Michael Knowles even called her mentally ill and has since apologized. Thoughts? ** Central America is starving to death because of the impact of climate change. Reports from the Trump administration prove this and aid has been cut off which causes migration.

*****

Trump us jumping into bed with Saudi Arabia who has the 5th largest defense budget in the world. Troops are being sent to Iran.

*****

Doc Martin is here with its 9th season. The dog will fall in love. The Doc and Louisa’s relationship is doing well as their careers are shifting. It all just reminds me how much I want to live in Cornwall.

*****

The biggest grossing tours of all time as of this year are. 1. Ed Sheeran: The Divide 2. U: 360 3. Stones: A Bigger Bang 4. Guns N Roses: Not in this lifetime 5. Coldplay: A Head Full of Dreams 6. Roger Waters: The Wall 7. AC/DC: Black Ice 8. Stones: No Filter 9. Bruno Mars: 24K 10. Madonna: Sticky and Sweet

*****

James Corden put Bill Maher in his place. Fat shaming is as wrong as any other. Bullying is never funny. The week after Maher’s rant, Michael Moore went on and had lost some weight. Hmmm.

*****

Hiking with Kevin has the best guests, there is really a cross section of all kinds of people. A hike seems to break down defenses and the stories are great!!

*****

The North Dakota pipeline spill that was said to be 10 gallons worth was really millions of gallons.

*****

Almost Family is a show about a sperm donor. It is good to see Tim Hutton again.

*****

A woman gets a late night show.. check out A Little Late with Lilly Singh.

*****

Prodigal Son stars Michael Sheen as a serial killer called The Surgeon.

*****

Julian Fellowes will bring us The Gilded Age about 1885 New York.

*****

Some are freaking about all the official stays at Trump properties. The whole thing is a ridiculous mess. Mitch and the boys would be screaming to the heavens if this was a different President. The really sad part is that the crews that are just there to help POTUS and the VP say the stays are so costly that their expenses won’t even cover food. ** Did a Glasgow refueling stop finally tip off the house oversight committee to the far reach of all these expenditures?** They claim there is never anything to hide. Why do they always hide everything?

*****

Demi Moore has a new tell all titled Inside Out that seems full of revelations.

*****

Check out the saga of the Donald J. Trump state park in NY which is really nothing more than a tax write off full of overgrown land and abandoned old buildings.

*****

Check out the Art Bell vault.

*****

Scary Clown was going to meet with the Taliban at Camp David as 9/11 was upon us.** The Taliban says their doors re open.**Word is that the congressional inquiry into 9/11 has 28 redacted pages which showed evidence of the Saudi’s involvement in the attacks.

*****

Scottish courts ruled that Boris Johnson illegally suspended parliament.

*****

From his reaction, Colbert behaves like Letterman in that a guest should dress a certain way. Personally, I like Conan’s casual ways. Now, I like Colbert but he also seems to push people to talk politics when they don’t really want to. Move on!

*****

“We are in a very difficult situation at the moment, especially in the U.S., where all the environmental controls that were put in place, that were just about adequate have been rolled back by the current administration so much that they are being wiped out.” –Mick Jagger

*****

“When you’re 85 years old and you have children and grandchildren, you will leave them nothing if we don’t vote these people out of office in Brazil, in London, in Washington. They are ruining the world.” –Donald Sutherland

*****

Check out the new film, The Burnt Orange Heresy.

*****

Finn Wittrock, Paul Giamatti and Amy Irving will appear in A Mouthful of Air.

*****

“The lungs of the earth are in flames.” – Leo Dicaprio. The Amazon, the world’s most diverse eco system is getting no help from its own leaders and they won’t accept help from the G7. It’s all about building more crap to them. It is as if three fourths of the U.S. was on fire.** Wouldn’t it be a great idea if Jeff Bezos, who has taken flak for not paying taxes and for workers conditions would step up and pledge a huge sum to help save the rainforest that bears its name?? The world needs heroes.

*****

Better Call Saul has wrapped season 5.

*****

Hasbro has bought Death Row Records.

*****

The San Francisco board of supervisors has declared the NRA a terrorist organization.

*****

New SNL cast member Shane Gillis who was in hot water after racist remarks surfaced, has been let go before he ever hit the stage.

*****

Mike Pence claims he was bit by American Pharoah but his trainer is not too sure about that.

*****

Obama Netflix?

*****

Kieran Culkin and Jazz Charton had a little girl that they named Kinsey Sioux.

*****

Dollface on Hulu looks interesting.

*****

In sexual harassment news: Brett Kavanaugh has been hit with other allegations. Not all accusations are coming from the victims.** Placido Domingo has been accused by 20 women of unwanted advances.

*****

The71st Emmys have come and gone. There is a lot to celebrate in television right now with over 500 scripted original shows. Highlights include Norman Lear winning for Live in front of a studio audience: Norman Lears’s All in the Family and The Jeffersons to become the oldest winner ever at 97. Other winners were Leaving Neverland for best doc. Glow won for stunt coordination. Succession won for their theme and for writing. RuPaul won for reality host and Drag Race won for show. Russian Doll took home cinematoghraphy. Carpool Karaoke : When Corden met McCartney:Live from Liverpool took home a statue. Peter Dinklage won for best supporting actor, Fleabag won big and Game of Thrones took home the top prize. Other winners were Bill Hader, Patricia Arquette, Ben Whishaw, Billy Porter and Jodie Comer. SNL with Adam Sandler and Last Week Tonight were winners. I was so excited to see that Ozark won for Julia Garner and Bateman for directing. Succession won for directing. I thought the fashion went wrong with Amy Poehler, and Dascha Polanco. There was awesome fashion with Regina King, Viola Davis, Maya Rudolph, Bob Odenkirk, Billy Porter, Angela Bassett, Michelle Williams, Kerry Washington, Zendaya, Sarah Silverman, Catherine Zeta- Jones, Karamo Brown, Gwyneth Paltro, Catherine O’Hara, Emilia Clarke, Phoebe Waller Bridge and Niecy Nash.** The In memoriam was fucked up when they honored Andre Previn but showed a very much alive Leonard Slacken. Let me run that part of the show, they are always messing that up. It may not matter much longer because the ratings were so low. It is already a shame that they don’t broadcast the daytime Emmy’s.

*****

R.I.P. Jim Leavelle, Carol Lynley, T Boone Pickens, Daniel Johnston, Robert Frank, Ric Ocasek, Eddie Money, Sander Vanocur , Peter Lindbergh, Robert Haunter, Jacques Chirac , Jose Jose , Bob Esty, Wayne Fitzgerald, Jessye Norman and Cokie Roberts.

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her-bookshelf-tells-her-story · 8 years ago

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Book Review - Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu

Genre: YA realistic fiction

Rating: 3/5 stars

Synopsis (from Goodreads):

They're more than their problems Obsessive-compulsive teen Clarissa wants to get better, if only so her mother will stop asking her if she's okay. Andrew wants to overcome his eating disorder so he can get back to his band and their dreams of becoming famous.Film aficionado Ben would rather live in the movies than in reality. Gorgeous and overly confident Mason thinks everyone is an idiot. And Stella just doesn't want to be back for her second summer of wilderness therapy. As the five teens get to know one another and work to overcome the various disorders that have affected their lives, they find themselves forming bonds they never thought they would, discovering new truths about themselves and actually looking forward to the future.

Review:

*Received free ARC of this novel through a Goodreads giveaway*

I appreciated certain elements that show up in this book, as a novel told exploring several multiple illnesses in teenagers. Told through the perspectives of five different characters over a span of four weeks, readers enter this therapeutic wilderness camp with Andrew, Clarisa, Stella, Mason, and Ben in the hopes (well, this was my hope anyway) of getting a realistic look into living with - and trying to recover from - mental illness as a teen under pressure.

Unfortunately, I was pretty underwhelmed by this. But before I go more into that, let me outline some of what I appreciated here (will try to make it spoiler-free!):

- It briefly spotlights the pressure teens feel from their parents to be "normal". While there's undoubtedly pressure from [Western] society as a whole to fit within certain acceptable standards of sanity, there's a more painful kind of intimacy through which we experience pressure from family and friends. Even if that pressure is misperceived, the stress of trying to be a good son, daughter, or non-binary/trans offspring is most definitely a stressor that deserves more recognition when it comes to teens struggling with mental illness.

- There were some really insightful/realistic passages in there through the perspectives of the characters. By insightful, I mean in their consideration of providing a realistic lens through which to view anorexia, manic depression, anxiety, etc. Just a few gem lines here and there were able to provide depth to what the characters were experiencing on the inside, regardless of how they portrayed themselves on the outside to the rest of the world.

- IT DOESN’T PERPETUATE THE GROSS TROPE OF TREATMENT CENTER ROMANCE. Disregarding any truth to the cringe-worthy trope of finding the love of your life in a psych ward or treatment center for a psychiatric disorder, I was really pleased that it is instead viewed with a more critical lens here. While these spaces are somewhat perfect to create long-lasting, intimate relationships with other people due to the emotional intensity of the environment, it’s also important to be able to understand the importance of boundaries and recognizing how relationships made between people who are ill can become unhealthy and ultimately harmful to one or both sides. And I do believe the author explores this rather well in the last half of the book.

Now, the overarching criticism I have regarding this novel is that there is an underwhelming lack of development, both with the plot and with the characters. Granted, a couple characters get some appreciable development by the end, but overall, the progression of this was disappointing.

I don’t necessarily support the criticism stating disappointment about the characters not recovering by the end or whatever, because that would have really made it unrealistic to me. Four weeks, people. You don’t recover with happy rainbows and a unicorn ride to the best future imaginable in four weeks.

But maybe the larger thing is that, by the end, it seems that the novel has explored the relationships between the characters more fully than their mental illnesses; which isn’t bad, necessarily, but might make the synopsis somewhat misleading?

In addition, I’m not sure the multiple-POV thing works. Splitting into five different character POVs made it difficult to form attachment to the characters. One idea: just totally kick Mason out of the story. Think about how much space that would open up. Because, for real, I’m not sure what his purpose as a character is. He experiences absolutely no character development - I would argue, based on his sections even at the end - and basically serves to be the asshole of the novel. Maybe he symbolizes the ignorant stigma so many people still place on those who struggle with mental health, but goddamn, you’d still hope by the end then that he would have learned something. But nope. Does everybody who spends time with mentally ill individuals come out on the other side more educated and sympathetic? Nah, I doubt it. But within the context of this book, I don’t think Mason’s character served any purpose, and that bothered me.

Description of the setting was also lacking. There was little mention of campers outside of the five MC’s block, and little mention of staff outside of those that attended them directly as well. Everything was confined, and especially in choosing such a setting for a book, you’d expect it to be expanded upon more fully, particularly in its institutional structure and all. Instead, there’s description of the physical setting - the woods, the Safe Space cabin or whatever - but little space given to explaining how the program is supposed to work.

I don’t think this is a bad novel. There are some bad novels out there that butcher both the treatment setting and mental illness through gross stereotypes. I don’t get that vibe here really at all; mostly, it’s just a lack of development. There could have been more. Which is weird to say considering how long this book is, because I don’t feel like it needs to be longer per say. I just find myself wondering how it could be so long and still feel so bare. It reads as kind of a skeleton outline only half filled-in. It could have done more in exploring the different mental illnesses the characters experience, it could have done more to explore the various factors that affect psychological health, it could have explained the wilderness camp program better, etc.

Kudos to the author for her debut novel though. Thank you for not butchering what it’s like to struggle with mental illness.

#bookreview #book review #four weeks five people #jennifer yu #YA realistic fiction #YA fiction #mental health #mental illness #anorexia #OCD #anxiety #booklr

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