#he’s so utterly fascinating to look at because of how many layers and complexities he has but I just want to give him a hug and let him rest

[whattraintracks]

#I honestly could go on for hours but this is all a kinda messy ramble rn#but yeah like…I genuinely can’t see how Leo doesn’t take the wrong message from this all#sure he gets a lot of good growth but#he’s a gambler at heart#it’s just now he’s only willing to bet *himself*#ONCE AGAIN-#‘I’m nothing without them’ and ‘it’s not about you’ can and do mix into quite the dangerous cocktail huh#thing that gets me here too is that a lot of what Leo has to learn in the movie is things he already showed moments of knowing in the show#like Leo KNOWS what his family is capable of and can rely on them if necessary#the problem is when it’s necessary#and he grew to understand that it’s actually ALWAYS necessary…except at the very end#leo is also often the voice of reason throughout the series…but he also often folds and just goes with the flow#he’s goofy like that lol#and tbh he likes to RELAX#that’s a pretty subtle but pretty substantial part of his character#imo at the beginning of the movie Leo KNOWS he’s being immature and THATS THE POINT#they’re still kids man#they’re all just kids#but yeah#I keep rambling and rambling but Leo really is such a tragic character in the grand scheme of things#he’s so utterly fascinating to look at because of how many layers and complexities he has but I just want to give him a hug and let him rest

[ cw: sacrifice / self sacrifice / slight suicidal themes / death mention / ]

I personally think that Leo took the wrong lessons from the movie. I definitely think he grew to understand the importance of teamwork and making sure he takes others into account so as to not harm them by proxy of whatever scheme he has cooked up, however based on the ending events I’m not quite certain he fully grasped two things.

The first thing is communication. Oh, he can communicate, and he does, when he deems it necessary. When he’s setting up a plan prior to the action. But this is where the second thing comes in.

The second thing I don’t think Leo truly grasped is “it’s not about you.” It’s so unbearably easy to take that the wrong way, especially when taking the rest of the series into account.

What I believe Leo took from this message is not “it’s not just you, everyone matters and can contribute, can help and be helped” but “put the whole of everyone above yourself” which can both be a good lesson…and a fatal one.

And it is fatal, we see as much in the movie.

Even after the big hope speech, when Leo is “fighting” Krang!Raph, he takes a huge risk. Sure, it worked, and Leo managed to get through to Raph through a well deserved apology, but it could have so easily ended in his death and yet he barely even hesitates to go for it.

And then again, to the big scene at the end, where Leo sacrifices himself not only for the sake of his family, but for the whole world.

To him, that’s the message to take from this. That the lives of everyone, of the greater good matters…more than him. That the risk to himself is worth it if others can be saved.

Leo learned that gambling with his life as the betting chip is always the best move to make in the end.

And to make matters worse…this thinking is what works.

These risks are ultimately what is needed to save the day, so why would Leo look away from it now? Clearly it’s the right move and everything worked out!

Thing is, Leo did grow from the events of the movie. He learned to take things more seriously and be more mature, he learned to value his team’s input and capabilities enough to rely on them more, and he learned to be less self-centered and realize the turmoil others were going through (especially if that turmoil is a result of his actions.)

But still, he’s grown to accept the gamble of his life as a viable answer to their problems.

Personally, with how Leo has been shown to toy around with the idea of “it’s better me than them” I think this goes beyond sacrifice in the name of love, and pushes over into sacrifice in the name of worth.

[thedeviljudges]

not me having thoughts about yohan today, but.

not like i need to put this out there, but i’ll do it anyway bc i saw a post discussing yohan and how no one in fandom is addressing his tendencies toward violence. and here’s the thing: everyone notices it, lmao. no one in fandom is dumb enough to sit back and not recognize the trauma of what yohan has been through. even if we don’t have the entire story, we do know enough to see that people have fucked him over his entire life. he wasn’t shown any amount of love as a child, and he’s had to fight for himself.

the man doesn’t know how to express his feelings aside from his definition of justice, but he’s not a monster despite the term devil being thrown around. he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions, and like with many victims, especially male victims, he hasn’t learned and/or been encouraged to seek help. especially if his focus was working his way up the ladder to figure out and/or seek revenge for what happened to isaac.

it’s not about lack of critical thinking when it comes to his character. the entire show is truly forcing you to sit back and ask yourself questions of mortality and ethics, what’s fair and what’s wrong and the nuances that they all play into. that no singular case is black and white, and how much humans can be animals and turn on one other in a heartbeat.

yohan has grown up with violence as the solvent for any issues that arise around him. why do you think he copes with his anger this way? especially when he gets mad at gaon? it’s clear gaon doesn’t provoke him by fighting back, and if he does, it’s with words. gaon already knows how off the rails yohan can be, and yet he stays because as he even said in the show, there is a level of understanding. and he gets it. does that make it right? certainly not. it’s self-destructive behavior, but when you look at the context of yohan’s upbringing and how he’s lived alone raising a child by himself, in what fundamentally helpful ways would he have indulged in to get help?

and truthfully, if you want to look at it through a narrow, narrow lens, as much of a weakness as this character trait is, it’s also, to some extent, a strength because he can direct his anger onto the elite and people of higher caliber that generally speaking, are never held accountable for their actions. anger is such a driving force.

i don’t think fandom, by any stretch of the imagination, is excusing yohan for his physical altercations. and just because people don’t talk about it and/or bring it up, doesn’t mean we don’t see it and recognize it and think about it. it’s just not a focal point because as audience members, we can pick and choose what we want to focus on. not everyone wants to highlight the intricacies of characterization and meta. i mean, yohan being unhinged is kind of, sort of, the reason this entire story can even exist to begin with. he’s self-destructive, has anger issues, has not dealt with being a victim and now he’s got one of his abusers after him.

yohan has been in fight mode his entire life. he’s an animal backed into a corner. how else do you think he’d respond? especially with gaon who pokes and prods. yohan thinking gaon is sorta on his side until he does and/or says something that reaffirms that gaon is not entirely on team yohan. he’s let gaon in, but there are reminders that he should be wary of gaon, too. yohan doesn’t have time to sit there and hand hold with this stuff when he’s got a target on his back, especially now after episode 6. it’s either you’re for him or against him, and anything in between is a reason for suspicion. yohan literally hasn’t been able to trust anyone in his life, except for isaac, as far as we know.

i also know most people will not condone yohan’s physical violence, and i do too. however, as a writer and a creator, it is utterly fascinating to see what makes these characters tick. otherwise they’d be boring as fuck. do i think throwing gaon around or him shrugging at someone dying is cool? no, not entirely. but it adds depth; it adds reasons for why he is the way he is. and that’s different than saying ‘hey that’s okay he did that’ than it is ‘hey he did this bc x, y and z and i want that fixed through healing but like, look, it makes him multi-layered and complex and that’s fascinating to watch.’

please do not dismiss nor mistake people’s enthusiasm for yohan, or any of the other characters with questionable decisions, as acceptance. you cannot have a story without convolution. and as much as some of us love to dissect the story, others don’t want to go in depth, and that’s fine.

i love yohan’s character so much. regardless of whether he is truly the ‘bad guy’ or not, he’s really a gem of a character, morally gray and fucked up, and that’s what i absolutely love about him. like yes yohan, make all the questionable decisions for our entertainment and so that we don’t ever have to, lmao

[liathebookwyrm]

This was born purely out of my conviction during my first watch-through that Luo Fumeng would turn out to be Xie-er's mother. The timeline probably ends up a little wonky because of this but let's say, for the sake of argument, that she is. And once she reclaims her memories she puts two and two together (and Zhao Jing always knew because he is, as has been made abundantly clear, the scum of the earth). There's literally no love lost between these two and from Tragicomic Ghost's point of view that's two boys she's loved (I'm including Wen Kexing in this and also, we need an au where she grabs him and A-Xiang and Beauty Ghost and the whole department of the Unfaithful and they just...leave but I digress), so yeah two boys she's loved but failed to protect.

So why not just tell Xie-er the truth about his darling father? And yes, these two have a....complicated relationship but there was this little throwaway scene where Zhao Jing tells him how he killed his wife and Xie-er looks legitimately crushed and he calls her "mother" or something, so clearly they were close. And at this point he is not as confident in the promises Zhao Jing has made him, and now that's two mother figures he was deprived of. So off he goes to individually verify Luo Fumeng's claim. Which he does. Probably via creepy trophy room.

So how many layers of tension and drama would that add to all his interactions because of 1. Zhao Jing essentially pulling a Mother Gothel on him, and 2. all his interactions with Luo Fumeng and Liu Qianqiao so far having had the underlying knowledge that he kept them alive only because they were of some use for him and how do they know that has changed?

And later when Wen Kexing comes back in the picture after Four Seasons Manor burns.... Would that change anything? Would they still strike their deal? Would the terms of the deal change given what Xie-er knows now? Because I imagine by then he would have moved from denial to anger and Wen Kexing already wants to burn Zhao JIng and salt the earth with his remains, so would there maybe be less coercion and more tense co-operation?

And on top of that, I am personally headcannoning Xie-er as a closet romantic, so he'd probably be down for the whole "I need my very scary army of ghosts to go bust my husband out of jail and maybe brutally dismember everyone involved in his arrest". And on a more pragmatic level, he knows Zhao Jing has aspirations to get involved in imperial politics but that would get utterly kneecapped if his contact with Prince Jin died of natural causes (Wen Kexing chopping him to tiny pieces for everything he put Zhou Zishu through is natural causes....and effects). So he can justify it to himself as such.

And I would be fascinated to see what interactions he'd have with Wen Kexing, because their backstories follow similar broad strokes and they would definitely be able to see the parallels. Also, considering Xie-er's particular flavour of inferiority complex and the fact that Luo Fumeng is the closest to a maternal figure Wen Kexing has, would that cause Xie-er to lash out? Because he just found out that hey, his birth mother is alive and does not in fact blame him for everything she went through since she got captured (or if she does, she definitely doesn't let him know about it). So he has a chance to build a familial relationship with someone who doesn't equate his value with his usefulness.

Enter stage left Wen Kexing, who does not have the blood connection but has twenty years of shared memories and whom Luo Fumeng chose to save (did she see him in this timeline as a substitute for the child she lost, even subconsciously? Maybe). Xie-er doesn't know how to share. Especially when it comes to parental affection, because he sees it as conditional and himself as replaceable. Wen Kexing, on the other hand has other things to worry about and this whole drama probably registers on some level as "potential complications that way" but is nowhere near his top five concerns for now. If aunt Luo has her child back that's great for her. if that child happens to be Xie-er, who is also plotting to probably murder Zhao Jing, he's interested but will have to get back to you in 5-10 business days because Zhou Zishu takes priority always, no matter what.

So he may appear fairly cavalier about the whole thing (also he's in Ghost Master mode so he's only three expressed moods are Insane, Angry and Murder Time), which to Xie-er would probably read as smug confidence in his place in Luo Fumeng's affections (which, to be frank, Wen Kexing is. He lets her approach him from the back, while they are in the Ghost Valley and he's not even tense, but I don't think he views her in the same way Xie-er is starting to). So potential misunderstandings, potentially worse attempts at insecurity-fuelled blackmail which would definitely not help him convince anyone he is not Zhao Jing's mirror image (which he is probably desperate to prove, he just doesn't know how and it doesn't even occur to him to do the opposite of what Zhao Jing would want him to).

On a much lighter note, it would probably take exactly one extended interaction with Wen Kexing in the presence of Zhou Zishu for Xie-er to figure out that what he took for smug superiority was that yeah... but also about 80% of Wen Kexing's brain being permanently tuned on the A-Xu channel so from his point of view there's no competition to be had.

I imagine planning Zhao Jing's utter destruction goes a lot smoother after that especially since Zhou I-am-injured-not-useless-Lao-Wen Zishu is definitely involved in the planning....

[thezodiaczone]

Scorpio Compatibility

SCORPIO + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) Aries' ruler, passionate Mars, also wields minor command over Scorpio (whose main overlord is Pluto). Fierce physical attraction draws your signs together, but it's a game of sexual gunpowder and erotic explosives. Not that either of you is afraid of such things. No sign is as darkly intense as watery Scorpio. When mixed with Aries' concentrated fire-power, you stir up quite the hydroelectric charge. However, this match can only last if Scorpio has evolved from a ground-dwelling, vengeful scorpion into an elevated "eagle" state. Here's the fundamental challenge: Aries takes; withholding Scorpio takes away. When Aries reaches out his grasping hand, Scorpio's first instinct is to jump back, which wounds the sensitive Ram. Aries energy is consuming, which leaves Scorpio weak-kneed but scared. Aries will need to temper the raw desire, or at least mask it to avoid overwhelming Scorpio. Jealous Scorpio will need to stop Google-stalking Aries and hiring private detectives whenever the independent Ram goes out for a beer with friends. One way in which you're alike? You're both hyper-sensitized to abandonment, and may even shun each other in a self-protection paradox: "Go away before you leave me." (This tactic only guarantees another hot reunion tryst.) Selfishness can also be this couple's downfall. Scorpio is the sign that rules other people's resources—his karmic job is to create wealth from another man's pocket. Aries is simply born entitled. In a sense, you both live by the credo "What's mine is mine; what's yours is mine." Who will refill the coffers once you empty them?

SCORPIO + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) You're opposite signs who can fall into a real love-hate dynamic, mainly since you both like to run the show. Taurus is the bossy Bull, and Scorpio rules power and control. It's like two mafia kingpins trying to rule the same territory: it works as long as you're loyal, but cross each other and you're getting whacked. Differences can be a turn-on for some signs, but for this pair, they're often a deal breaker. Taurus and Scorpio are both "fixed" signs, gifted at perseverance and holding your ground, terrible at adapting to other people's personalities. This inflexibility can lead to serious power struggles and enmity that burns bright after the relationship ends. If ever a couple needed a prenup, it's you. Better yet, you'll need to be extremely self-aware and conscious of your personal power. If you can avoid arousing the sleeping dragon in each other, there's plenty of rich material here. You both love music, food and sensual delights. You're equally intense about your beliefs and passions, and sex is a lusty, no-holds-barred affair. You'll give each other the attentive listening both of you crave. The Bull's earthy nature can be grounding for watery Scorpio, whose emotions can warp his perspective. Practical Taurus will pull Scorpio out of depressive slumps, and Scorpio will help Taurus look below the surface to see hidden motivations and agendas. You're loyal and protective of each other, so stay off each other's sacred turf and respect your differences.

SCORPIO + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) You live on completely different planes, which either turns you off or utterly fascinates you. Both of you are accustomed to reading people like flimsy comic books, then tossing them aside. Here, your X-ray vision fails to penetrate each other's psychic shields. Mutable Gemini is the shape-shifting Twin, home to a traveling cast of personalities. Intense Scorpio is shrouded in mystery and bottomless layers of complexity. Being baffled leaves you without the upper hand, but it also stokes your libido. You're piercingly smart signs who love a good puzzle—this is your romantic Rubik's cube. The challenge sets off sexual dynamite. You tease each other with cat-and-mouse evasions, neither of you making your attraction obvious. This prickles your insecurities, daring you to strive for the other's unbroken gaze. No two signs are as quietly obsessive as yours! There will be frustrating moments, too. You're both prone to depressive spells, and swing from giddiness to unreachable shutdown. Clever mind games edge on cruel or callow, breaking the trust that Scorpio needs. At times, airy Gemini may not be emotional or sensual enough for watery Scorpio; in turn, the Scorpion's emotional and physical passion can be overwhelming to Gemini. However, if you combine your strengths, you'll go far. Gemini is dilettante and a trivia collector who's always got a pocketful of creative ideas. Instinct-driven Scorpio rules details and research—this sign hones in like a laser and masters his chosen field. Whether it's starting a family or running a business, you can be an indefatigable team, with Gemini playing the rowdy ringmaster and Scorpio running the show from behind the scenes.

SCORPIO + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're an ideal match, twin Water signs with deeply complementary natures. Highly suspicious and protective of your privacy, neither of you trusts easily. As a result, you intuitively trust each other. The good news is, you've bet on a winning sea-horse. These two signs can mate for life, and the emotional facets of your relationship deepen into an intimacy few couples reach. Romantic and sentimental occasions never go uncelebrated: birthdays, Valentine's Day, the five-month anniversary of the first time you said "I love you." Sex is a sacred, erotic act that can transport you on a one-way trip to Tantra-ville. You feel safe enough together to try anything. The challenge will be breaking the ice, since you both tend to clam up in a red-faced fluster or any icy aloofness around a new love interest. It helps to talk about music, books, films—anything but your feelings. Once you get past the awkward phase, it's smooth sailing. You genuinely enjoy each other's company, and like to do almost everything together. As parents, you're incredibly nurturing and hands-on, and may struggle to cut the cord when your kids reach adolescence. In fact, control is the big challenge for your signs. Jealous and possessive, you know how to avoid your mate's hot buttons—or to push them when you're feeling spiteful. (The Crab pinches and the Scorpion stings; both can wound the relationship fatally.) At times, Cancer's sulking seems childish to Scorpio, and Scorpio's sharp edges can maim the Crab's tender feelings. Fortunately, you know how to win your way back into each other's good graces once the moody spells pass.

SCORPIO + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) This combustible combination drips with power plays, a white-hot dynamic you find infuriating and sexy in equal measure. In many ways, you're complete opposites. Secretive Scorpio is a private soul who rules the night. Leo is an exhibitionist ruled by the sun, and his piercing rays expose Scorpio's hidden shadows. Scorpio hates to feel this vulnerable—especially in public—yet, behind closed doors it can be thrilling. You're both passionate and imaginative in bed, with very little you won't try. As business partners and collaborators, you can make a dream team, too. You're both super intense, outdoing most people with your drive and focus. Leo plays the glamorous showstopper, and Scorpio acts as producer behind the scenes. (It worked for Leo Jennifer Lopez and Scorpio Diddy, who collaborated on her breakout album.) At least you don't compete for the spotlight, which can be a saving grace. But you'll struggle for the upper hand, since Scorpio likes to be in control and Leo is the bossy ruler of the jungle. Flirtatious, charismatic Leo can also spark Scorpio's jealous streak. Remember: darkness absorbs light. Leo must be careful not to get swept into Scorpio's powerful undertow and vengeful obsessions.

SCORPIO + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) ♥♥♥♥ Virgo and Scorpio are two of the zodiac's shrewdest signs. Your collective gaze misses nothing, and your conversations can be as hair-splitting as Freudian analysis. You're both insatiable when it comes to understanding the human soul, and examining your own neuroses can keep you busy for weeks. While your obsessive natures would drive other people mad, it only makes you more fascinated by each other. You're like two scientists in the lab of love, researching, analyzing, and measuring data. Moody and introverted, you both have spells where you crave total privacy, and you'll grant each other that space. You unconsciously absorb so much energy from your environments, and you need to clear yourselves on a regular basis. Nature is soothing—Scorpio is a Water sign, and Virgo is Earth—and you may enjoy a healthy or outdoorsy lifestyle. That can mean renting a private chalet on a pristine European lake, or devoting yourselves to raw food, vegetarianism, and yoga. Virgo is the zodiac's Virgin and Scorpio is the sex sign. In bed, Scorpio can be a bit too intense for earthy Virgo. You're both lusty sensualists, but if Scorpio breaks out the dungeon props and dominatrix gear, Virgo draws the line. The Virgin may indulge a fetish with strangers, but he keeps a strict boundary about how far he'll experiment with a partner. No matter. You're good friends and supportive partners who find beauty in the smallest details—the makings of a quality life commitment.

SCORPIO + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) Libra is light and Scorpio rules darkness, but your searing sexual chemistry blazes through borders. As a couple, you're quick to bed and slow to wed. In many ways, the long prenuptial pas de deux is a mutual choice. Romantic Libra loves an extended courtship—long dinners, vacations and lavish gifts. Shrewd, suspicious Scorpio will subject Libra to a battery of character tests, gauging whether Libra can be trusted. Libra is an incurable dilettante whose surface skimming can feel lightweight beside Scorpio's obsessive, detail-focused nature. Because your temperaments are so different, your initial phase can be fraught with misunderstandings. Libra is an outgoing butterfly and an unrepentant flirt, provoking Scorpio's jealousy at every turn. Possessive Scorpio prefers passionate bedside confidentials to paparazzi and parties, but Libra quickly feels smothered without a social scene. To say you'll need compromise is an understatement. Combine your strengths, though, and you can also make a powerful society couple—with Scorpio dominating the world from behind the scenes, and Libra presiding as its lovely, doe-eyed diplomat.

SCORPIO + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) We like this combination, for seldom can any other sign so skillfully navigate your unspoken power dynamics. Talk isn't just cheap between you; it's unnecessary. You understand each other's wiring based on pure primal instinct, much like a dog leaves his scent as a calling card. We forget that human beings are animals, an amnesia that plagues modern civilization. Yet, Scorpios know that the one you love might also become your prey (if you're hungry or threatened), or could attack you by night. Your ruler is Pluto, god of the underworld; learning your mate's shadow side is a prerequisite to trust. Scorpio is a master at subtle cues, emotional intelligence, and feeling your way through each other's dark depths as though reading Braille. When it's time to let the other be the Top, you submit, then artfully ease him down to the mat when it's time to rule again. Power glides into your gullets like oysters, every bit the aphrodisiac. In the bedroom, you sexy, spiritual stinger-tails make a Tantric twosome with a twist. There's a hint of force and a danger to all you do, even in the way you fiercely protect your children and property. The real threat of this relationship is to the outside world, for you make an invincible familia that could send Tony Soprano on the lam.

SCORPIO + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) Level with us: Would you really be interested in each other without the element of danger? There's always something that feels a little dirty here—and it's not because you share an aversion to showering (although the musky pheromones might play in…). Your combined willpower—enough to combust a small village—can yoke you together despite your own best interests. The issue is anatomical: Scorpio rules the crotch and Sagittarius rules the hips and thighs. From the waist down, a magnetic field pulls you into insatiable sexual attraction. Above the midsection, it's a love-hate drama as you battle for mental and emotional domination, one-upping and offending each other at every turn. You both love to have the last word, and deep down, you're pretty sure you're smarter than the rest of the population. As friends, this makes you smugly superior comrades, but in love, you tend to unleash your intellectual weapons on each other. Sag's sarcasm and Scorpio's acid-washed retorts will leave you both wounded and estranged. Yet, a good shag seems to erase your short-term memory between attacks. For best results, remain naked at all times, and only discuss problems in the afterglow. Grant each other your own turf and never cross the line of demarcation.

SCORPIO + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) ♥♥♥♥ If you were to sign a pre-nup, Schedule A must clearly designate who will play the "Top" and who will be the "Bottom." After your attorneys haggle over the prone position, you may just call off the engagement. An inability to reach settlement is likely for two uncompromising Alphas such as yourselves. Although your business-savvy signs can make quite the contemporary Napoleon and Josephine, LLC, there are terms that must be negotiated in advance. For one, you'll need to swear off secrecy—and that will be the true test of your relationship. Scorpio and Capricorn are masters of underhanded power plays that could topple this merger fast. Your first job: learn and practice direct communication ("whip me like THIS" or "no, darling, the leather corset, not the PVC"). Master it, and the rest is a cakewalk. You can lash each other to bedposts, tryst on the conference table in your glass-paned office tower, or earn your mile-high wings with nary a flight attendant knowing. The 2.5 kids you produce will have some interesting conception stories, that's for sure. Not that you'll ever tell. A little secrecy with the rest of the world is fine. Just make sure to erase those sex tapes before the housekeeper finds them.

SCORPIO + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) Years after their modern-day Mrs. Robinson relationship ricocheted the term "cougar" into cliché-dom, the Scorpio-Aquarius pairing of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher can still baffle the naked eye. Scorpio is an intense, seductive creature with ruthless ambition, eagle instincts and a complicated psyche. Aquarius is a silly prankster and a cold-souled nomad who avoids emotion, then releases it in embarrassing blurts of sloppy sentiment. You're certainly an odd couple, down to your values, style and interests. Then there's the power issue to settle. Scorpio wants ultimate control over everything, while rebel Aquarius chafes at any restraint. While Aquarius is happy to hand rulership of the household to Scorpio, any breach of personal freedom will be an instant deal-breaker. Possessive Scorpio must accept that Aquarius is a social creature with friends from all walks of life, and curb the jealousy. Aquarius will need to cut off a few friends (the ex you met at a strip club, the swingers "who are actually really cool") and adopt a few of Scorpio's interests, like Kaballah for Ashton. So where's the click? Different as you are, you both prefer a mate who's hard to figure out: it staves off boredom. To keep this strong, borrow each other's strengths. Aquarius needs Scorpio's depth, and Scorpio lightens up from Aquarius' outrageous jokes and impersonations.

SCORPIO + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) ♥♥♥♥ You're both "spiritual beings having a human experience," Finding an equally sensitive, divinely connected soulmate feels like coming home. Scorpio and Pisces are compatible artistes who love music, drama and romance. Like a lighthouse for two ships adrift on the emotional high seas, your relationship is an anchor and a haven. However, it's not immune to the turbulence caused by your secretive, Water sign natures. Emotional withdrawal is a self-protective act you've both honed over the years, but this tactic backfires when used against each other. The trick is learning to catch a bad mood when it starts, then processing the feelings instead of lashing out. Once the righteous anger and wounded egos kick in, you're like two runaway trains waging a war of domination and submission. Scorpio control tussles with Pisces guilt, Scorpio withholding wrestles Pisces evasion, and so on. Yet, you both want the same thing: a partner who inspires absolute, unshakeable trust with a money-back guarantee. What you need to learn is how to give it before you get it. To adapt the saying, be the change you want to see in your partner. It will keep you together for lifetimes.

[msbluebell]

One of my favorite scenes from the Blue Lions route is during the fight with Randolph. Up until that point, Dimitri has given Byleth the cold shoulder, but when you take out Randolph's forces and he says 'a total loss', I love how we get to hear Dimitri call Byleth 'professor' again, especially with such urgency, which shows that despite his sharp words, deep down, he still cares. I just feel that this scene, as small as it is, deserves more recognition.

I think, deep down, Dimitri never did stop caring about Byleth.

Dimitri’s psychology during the Blue Lion Route is fascinating to say the least. I probably could 100% write a term paper on it.There’s a lot to unpack there, and a lot to explore. I’ve actually talked to a friend who is a professional counselor about his psychology several times and we never run out of new things to discuss and break down.

I think the most fascinating and complex state of Dimitri’s psychology is when he’s feral.

It’s important to understand the “how” and “why” whenever we’re discussing something like this. “How” and “why” Dimitri became feral is just as important as “how” and “why” he decided to later atone, and it’s massively important for understanding Dimitri’s actions and how the things that happen to him tie to character development.

Dedue says it best, I think, Dimitri isn’t a person who doesn’t care about others, in fact, he cares too much.  

That’s the heart of the issue right there. Dimitri, no matter how abrasive, dismissive, or aggressive he acts, still cares deeply. He never once STOPPED caring, and if you play close enough attention and pick up on small details you can spot the signs that he’s hiding it behind a mask of indifference because of his self-loathing and madness.

Or maybe he doesn’t even realize he still cares.

I find it utterly fascinating. 

If you break down Dimitri’s whole mentality while he’s feral, you kind find a surprisingly organized and moral (kinda, as moral as you can be while being...that) philosophy. Say what you will, but at the bare bones, Dimitri keeps to his ideals. For a man who considers himself nothing more than just a beast, he take special care of who his targets are. 

He specifically only targets people he actively considers a threat. Thieves and bandits, who he explains are rats preying on the weak and defenseless, Imperial soldiers who are on the enemy side and have been hunting him for years, commanders of armies. He doesn’t target villagers, or anyone in the Church (one priest is even amazed that Dimitri, while feral, patted an orphan child on the head, showing clear signs of humanity). Maybe he would if they agitated him enough. Dimitri isn’t healthy at all. He’s suffering from severe after effects of isolation, delusions, self-imposed brainwashing, stress, etc. He’s a danger to himself and others, and poking him too much. But, at his core, despite all the madness and how far he’s fallen, Dimitri somehow keeps the heart of his ideals of justice and protecting the innocent. Oh, it’s twisted beyond belief, and it’s gone ugly, but it’s still there. It’s just buried under a looooooooooot of...that...

The point is, at his heart, Dimitri still cares. That’s exactly what got him into that state in the first place. His Survivor's Guilt was so strong that he manifested auditory and visual hallucinations over it. His whole reason for wanting to kill Edelgard is so that the dead can finally rest. Heck, we see him actively begging his hallucinations to wait a little longer for him to hunt her. He cares too much and it’s actively destroyed him.

The thing is, those same hallucinations of loved ones are the driving force behind his mental state when he’s feral. We see that they’ve actively been mocking him, heck, we hear him beg them not to look at him with scorn.

Now, we know that these are projections of Dimitri’s own mind, but as far as he’s concerned these are the real opinions and demands of those who have died while he survived. He’s basically emotionally abusing and brainwashing himself so much that he not only believes that he has not other purpose than seeking revenge on the dead’s behalf (this also isn’t helped by his lack of ability to defend himself. With Felix, for example, and I DO love Felix and think he’s right to be scared, but calling Dimitri a boar may have unintentionally reinforced the idea in his head for years even before the brainwashing. Felix, I know that was your way of trying to keep Dimitri from going too far, but bad move bro), but that he ultimately isn’t deserving of the life he’s living either. He’s so damaged at this point, by what’s basically self inflicted harm, that he can barely recognize anything else as mattering.

I’ve seen people who have said that they wanted to beat some sense into Dimitri. Fight the madness out of him, so to speak. I don’t blame them, Dimitri did some disgusting things during the Blue Lion Route. But fighting him wouldn’t have helped, arguing wouldn’t have helped. The problem isn’t that Dimitri doesn’t think he’s wrong, or doesn’t see that he’s a monster. He’s aware of that, completely. What Dimitri needed was to been shown that his life was worth more than being a pawn for revenge, the opposite of having the shit beat out of him, or being yelled at. Negative reinforcement wouldn’t have worked here. Hell, it would probably have only made the situation worse, and reinforced his own brainwashing that he is undeserving of life. I think that’s why Byleth in the game never beat him over the head, or yelled at him, they realized that. 

Dimitri loves too much, and you can’t beat love with hate. He has to be loved out of his state. He has to be shown that his life is worth something, both to other people, and to himself. That’s why Rodrigue’s sacrifice was so important to his development.

(God, there’s so much to say that I’m jumping all over the place, someone Halp Meh)

And, another, just as important, thing. 

I think he’s silently resentful of Byleth and the others for not being there for him when he needed the support the most.

When he sees Byleth again for the first time in five years, when he thinks they’re a ghost, he doesn’t sound as angry and grim at first. He just sounds tired. Tired, and sad, and full of regret. With Byleth dead, he knows he failed them, that they died while he lived. He just accepts their presence in his life as a ghost, acknowledging that they were here to haunt him.

But then it turns out Byleth was alive, and all that sadness and regret and mourning was for nothing. That they were alive the whole time. And, frankly, Byleth’s reasons for WHY they weren’t around kinda DOES sound like bullshit. “I was asleep” isn’t a very good answer in any other route either, heck, in Edelgard’s routes she thinks it’s an unfunny joke. But for Dimitri it seems to piss him off. He probably DOES believe Byleth, maybe, but it’s not an answer he’s happy with. Heck, he’s not happy with anyone after that.

One of the moments where he sounds like his old self, where he looses that anger in his voice, is when Dedue shows up and explains he was too injured to find Dimitri, which is a much more valid excuse and one that Dimitri seems to readily accept. He’s much warmer with Dedue than even Byleth’s return, and I 100% believe that part of the reason was because of Dedue’s not bullshit excuse.

So, yeah, I should actually focus on the ask now. Yes, that scene is great, fantastic even. There’s a bunch of just...tiny moments like that which show the real humanity beneath Dimitri’s thick layer of madness and...feral-ness? I love it. It’s one of the many moments that really make him feel multilayered. And tiny moments like that got me through the four months he was Feral for my Blue Lions playthrough.

Little moments like that are like taking your first gulp of air after being underwater for too long.

[aquilamage]

hello and welcome to my self-indulgent pile of headcanons in a fic-shaped trenchcoat, please enjoy the show:

Sebastian has no physical mementos of his mother. When she disappeared, it was as though all evidence of her existence vanished overnight with her. His father never talks of her; if it hadn’t been for the way he’d snapped the first time Sebastian had asked, after, he might have suspected she’d disappeared from his mind as well. What Sebastian has is memories – a bit scattered and fuzzy in places, but fiercely treasured.

---

He’s never quite able to picture her, beyond dark hair and a calm smile that always made him feel safe. People had remarked on how much he didn’t look like her, though; he can recall that. Then as well as now, he’s inundated with comments about how he takes after his father. For a while that had been a point of pride for Sebastian, something he’d tried to capitalize on to become even more like him. (Which only makes things hurt all the more when the truth is revealed. He avoids mirrors for a week, sick to his stomach by what he sees and terrified even long after about what it says about him, whether he really has any choice in what he will become.)

His father, on the other hand, only ever sees his mother in him. Sebastian – well, it can’t really be called imitation if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, but in every little gesture he makes there’s a spark of her influence. Even more infuriating is the fact that no matter how hard he tries, Sebastian can’t be made to stop caring – about things, about other people, about wanting to be loved in return - and Blaise knows that’s all her doing.

If there was anyone else around who remembered, they would have spotted it too. It’s just another part of the tragedy that there isn’t.

---

He remembers her voice most clearly, solid and kind and always, always gentle. She spent a lot of time talking to him. Even when they weren’t conversing, she liked to explain what she was doing, would give a running commentary as they did errands to keep him amused, and there was always encouragement and praise at his attempts, successful or no.

He’d liked most the way she said his name, slightly drawn-out and with the cadence of a song. It had made him feel special, enough that when he finally told her he wanted a different one, it had been practically in hysterics over losing that feeling. But she’d simply scooped him up and held him, and the first time she said his new one – Sebastian – it had been sweeter than the other one ever sounded.

Sometimes, she would switch languages to a soft Japanese, talking with a freeness that only showed itself in those moments. It had been like a secret code between the two of them, albeit one that they didn’t use around other people. Sebastian came to notice her excitement whenever he’d ask her for a new word, and did so often, repeating it back to her as she patiently corrected his pronunciation. A particularly memorable afternoon, he’d noticed her solemn and quiet in a different way than usual and ended up bringing item after item from around the house for to her to name, piling things up around her on the couch until she cried with laughter.

In the time after she’s gone, he keeps up the language as best he can inside his head. A reassurance, like he can pretend he’s still able to talk to her. Like she’s still there to guide him, if only in this small way.

And after one of his early conversations with Prosecutor Blackquill, he even picks up learning it again, emboldened by the new life and layers of connection it brings. (Plus, it would’ve made her happy, he knows.)

---

The other thing he picked up from her was music. Her enjoyment was utterly contagious, even in that informal bits and pieces that were all he ever witnessed firsthand.

Sebastian remembers sitting on her lap in front of a piano (the wheres and hows and whys of the context that brought them to that moment completely forgotten) his small hands slapping at whatever section of keys he could reach. She let him for a while, laughing softly. Then, she reached forward and began playing. He doesn’t recall what the song was, just that at the time he was absolutely certain she was doing some kind of magic. As soon as she finished, he stuck his own hands back on the keys. He tried to mimic the graceful movements he’d watched her make, but the sounds still came out as a discordant and jarring as the first time. Tears welled up in his eyes, and she’d wrapped her arms around him, tight but gentle. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Breathe with me.” And when he’d calmed, she walked him through the basic steps, guiding with his hands with her own. The end result wasn’t anything as complex as what she’d played, but it was music, and Sebastian fell in love with it instantly.

Mostly she’d sung for him: lullabies whispered in his ear before naps, echoing choruses of whatever was playing at the store they were in, and her own playful renditions of his new favorites after he’d asked for them a dozen times over. Sometimes, she even made ones up, just for him. Usually simple and lighthearted, based on whatever they were doing at the moment as a way to entertain them. But occasionally she’d encourage him to add on bits of his own, or even start them off. Even if he faltered, she was always nodding along, gentle encouragement and support to keep him going.

His father mocked him for wanting to study music in school, but let him, saying that it was fitting, given that it was just as useless and a waste of time as he was. Sebastian ignored it as best he could anything his father said. Besides, once he’d started he forgot all about it, swept up in fascination that devoured his attention for days. There was comfort even beyond his established associations, in the structured variety and endless possibility that even if it didn’t come as easily to him always managed to be worth the frustration.

Klavier gives him regular music recommendations, something to entertain the both of them. Eventually, he stumbles on one in particular where just listening to the first few notes brings him to tears. He doesn’t realize why, though, until a while later, when Kay offers to help him research his mother. They stumble on something with her maiden name and he freezes. It’s the same one as on the piece of music. He does a bit more digging and finds a collection of other songs she’d apparently started publishing in her early twenties, which stop a few years later – around the same time she met his father. (Neither of them might be around for him to ask, but he’s still pretty confident in his conclusion that that’s no coincidence.)

It takes him some time to go through them all, less from volume than the sheer amount of energy it takes out of him. Hearing her voice for the first time in almost a decade is like having every feeling he’d tried to hide from pulled out of him at once. Not that it stops him. Even as he sits sobbing with the same song paused for the twelfth time, eventually the tears dry up and he takes deep breaths until he can handle the comfort and the memories again, and presses play.

Some of them are harder to handle than others. The first time he starts up a song and recognizes it, could have sung it himself from how many times she’d whispered it to him when he couldn’t sleep, he doesn’t touch any of them for a week. When he gives in it’s to listen to that same one on repeat for a couple of hours until it feels as though all the emotion has been wrung out of him.

---

It’s no coincidence that most of his happy memories of her are just between the two of them. His father had still been the same person back then, and while things got worse after she’d ‘disappeared,’ he’s pretty sure now that it had more to do with her not being around to try to soften things than anything else. He tries not to think about the times of his parents interacting. His mother was always different, then. Quiet and smaller and that scared him the most, sometimes.

As he got older, he came to understand more of it, some of that threatening to taint even memories of just her. (Like the delicate touch of lace from her gloves, which he’d found so pretty. He didn’t realize why she always wore them until a few years after she disappeared, and only then after the pain had died down).

There’d been a time, a while after she’d been gone, when Sebastian tried to forget about her, to hide away the memories. His father had almost convinced him that she’d left because of him, that she’d gotten tired of pretending to care about him, been fed up with how stupid and incompetent he was. That he was the good parent because he wasn’t going to abandon Sebastian (no matter how much Sebastian would deserve it if he did).

Sebastian believed him, for a while. It was the only thing that could make sense to him. After all, if his mother really had loved him, why would she have left?

Sometimes it had just been easier to deal with things that way. If he pretended like things had always been like this, it was easier to stand. To pretend like how his father treated him was normal. If he didn’t know anything else then there would be nothing to miss – no part of him that could hope maybe things would change, maybe he could convince his father to love him too…

But sometimes not forgetting was what made things easier. Sometimes, when he was huddled by himself (in his room, most times) after some encounter with his father, trying to muffle the sound of his crying, he’d recall the times when his mother found him in much the same position. She’d coax him out and scoop him up in her arms, whispering: soft, soothing.

And in the end that’s what happened more, what made it worth the pain of remembering her. Sebastian never could really bring himself to forget her. (Even if he also couldn’t stop telling himself he could change his father’s mind.) Now, he’s grateful for it. Knowing the truth of everything, that he can trust what he’d felt from his memories, and that despite everything his father had done to him, he hadn’t been able to take his mother from him completely.

He builds his life back up, with the precious bits and pieces she’s left him, with the parts of his father he’ll never be able to fully escape (and the slow acceptance that it’s alright, that he can still be a different person than his father was), and by walking a path fully and utterly his own with the help of those here to guide him.

And somehow, he knows it will be enough.

[mouazkhaled]

Some thoughts about one of the most important and complex pieces of Cinema created by one of its most brilliant minds, Charlie Kaufman. This piece is called “Synecdoche, New York”, made it to screens in 2008, and it has not been the most famous amongst his other works (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Anomalisa, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation), perhaps because it stood on the edge of the forgivable of the provocative. Yet it’s level of courage in the cinematic depiction of humanity’s eternal struggle for depth and meaning is an undoubtedly a rare gem.

This picture follows the life of a theater director (Caden Cotard) and its slow disintegration out from and into itself while going through an endless quest to regain control, in a world that viciously continues to strip the sense from his mind, soul, and body. It quickly starts with a brief introduction into an insane world, one full of disasters, affecting many layers, the outside world, his small family, and his own body. Calamities are everywhere, artists dying before their time, earthquakes killing tens of thousands, political destruction of a fragile society while being eaten by the unmerciful capitalism of America. This is the outside, the surrounding, the baseline of life. This eternal unfair chaos projects itself into his smaller world, his family’s. His wife is slipping away in a self-struggle to maintain the façade of love that she had for him, feeling the shattering disappointment that she describes as an inevitability after “you get to know someone really well”. She is an aspiring artist that longs for freedom from the attachments of her world, the boundaries of modern America, the walls of her house, and the ever-known human “family” structure. They have a daughter; she is erratic and spontaneous. She also has the same bug of deconstruction of the self, as her parent’s, portrayed from the very first scenes when she got obsessively worried of having a “green Poo” which was unusual and unnatural and served as a starting point of constant doubt of her own body and how it functions, thoughts that her parent’s quickly dismissed and ignored. The last layer of this mania is Cotard’s body; it starts showing several symptoms of an unknown undiagnosed illness that seems to be deadly; its symptoms are physical and apparent on his skin and in his joints and in his nerves and his blood in a medically random and incomprehensible fashion. This chaotic manifestation of these lives is aided by fast and unusual style of editing that denies the viewer the chance to breath, constantly challenging any efforts to grasp the story and its characters. This style introduces the surreal and forces you to succumb to its sheer force of the non-logical and the insane; it’s simply saying “I won’t let you understand, as these characters are lost, as these lives are denied of meaning, you will be too”.

The family is destroyed, the mother and the daughter leave, and our poor Cotard is left alone. His body continues to fail in a very gruesome manner. Then we get deeper into a dissection of society; now the medicine trying to understand this disintegration of his body but fails miserably, both because of the dysfunctional medical system (one of apathetic approach that makes an endless loop of referrals that robes time and efforts mercilessly and towards nothing!, in a surreal criticism of modern America’s healthcare system) and the enigma of his body being a projection of the enigma of his soul.

Throughout Cotard’s moral and physical battles, he fails to seize many opportunities of true passion and love. There is a secretary that finds him physically appealing; She admires his talent in theater and finds his tormented soul soothing to hers. She is wild and alive, frequently flirting with him, seducing him into surrendering his meaningless devotion to his miserably failing marriage. He is lonely, she knows that, she understands that, and she also suffers from that and wants to save herself and him, but the idiot is weak, lacks the power for adventure, and powerless to break free from his loneliness. The years pass by in a weird chronology that shines more light on the psychotic state that drowned him, and he continues to have a passive-aggressive vain dance with his admirer around their lust for passion and true happiness, but not actually reaching any. He continuously tries to connect with his abandoning family, failing every time, and each time he would lose more of himself by their constant ignorance and rejection, which later throughout the movie appeared to have changed him into a masochistic pathologic small man, one who got addicted to the worthless and the contemptible.

Despite all his defeats, he is truly a brilliant artist, and a play of his achieves major success quickly to be rewarded with the highest grant that can be given to a theater director. He now has a tool to construct something meaningful and true in his life; he has a mean to maybe gain back some control of his life. He starts building this vague play; he keeps repeating that he wants to portray something real, defining this “real” mainly by the idea of death, his firm belief of its inevitability, but at the same time, his refusal to concede to it as he wants to live and explore the spectrum of his moral paradoxes. This play doesn’t have a plot nor any well-defined characters, no unified structure, no script, and no clear dramatic objectives. He instructs his actors (or rather preaches them) about its intended qualities, but in reality -as had he intimately shared with another admiring actress- he doesn’t really know what he is doing. He starts the project in a spontaneous fashion, instructing actors to build the real, and with the lack of context, he unknowingly starts to shed parts of himself into the play. Step by step, throughout a bizarre and terrifyingly brutal and swift passage of time, he builds his own life in a colossal warehouse that replicates the same chaotic outside world (New York is used as an example, which is a perfect smaller scale of the American society in particular and the whole world in general) and the one of his own life. He chooses actors to play his friends, his co-workers, his lover, his estranged wife (the character being a piece of paper constantly instructing him to clean her house, with random phrases of “congratulations” and empty longings, that served as bread crumbs luring him into an addiction to masochism), and finally, an actor to play his own self.

These versions of the people and the environment of his life keep emerging, getting larger and larger with increasing complexity with more actors, more construction in the set, and more stories. He failed to control his own life, so he went into a quest of replicating his own world but now from the seat of the director in an attempt to assume the “god” of his life, he is searching for control, for meaning, for the lost opportunities of his youth, and the missed love from his existence. He wants to right his mistakes and re-live the failed opportunities. His theater piece -as his own devastation- became endless. He created one duplicated layer that quickly was duplicated again and again and again into further warehouses inside warehouses; actors instructing actors; himself instructing himself to choose another self, and such insanity. But now something fascinating started to appear before his own eyes, his subjects started to break free from the sorrowful storylines of his life. The opportunities of love that he had lost in his past started to be seized by the actors playing them, the stability of his replicated families had stronger chances, even an old failed suicide attempt was successful in a dramatic and hauntingly beautiful fashion (as how one's death is always wished to be). Not only that, but the actors assuming the roles of his old lost loved ones started to have real interactions with the real people of his real life; substituting him; bypassing him, they were not only defying his orders but also furthering his moral decline. The manifesto of god was being undermined, again and again, striking him many times back again to the loss of control and to the void that he so desperately was trying to escape.

This play takes decades in the making, clearly without any comprehensible finishing end in sight. Our director kept making different titles for it as he gets older -and perhaps wiser-. As these smaller versions of life continued to evolve, they started to disintegrate by falling into war and destruction, something that can be described as an embedded doom in the humanity’s genome, their tormented souls everlastingly jumping between the need for control and the need to destroy it. Kaufman is saying that after all, these enchanting dynamics are what keeps us alive, they might be lures of desire, qualities that are old and beasty, but they are the flams of our souls; ones of which are both created and destroyed by fire. This war continues to annihilate everyone and everything, leaving the director utterly alone. His last surrender was to a voice -a manifestation of his superego- explaining to him the deeper meanings of his life, informing him that all humans are alone, he is all the characters of his life, all the characters of his plays, “everyone is everyone, everything is everything”. He continues to wander in the apocalypse until he sits with one survivor actress, one whom played the mother of a dream of his, apologizing to her for the lost opportunity of an old promised picnic with her and her grandchildren he made in an old childhood dream, admitting love for her, which serves as an epiphany for what he believed to be the most complete and the purest of titles for his play, but as he started to name it, he was quickly abducted by death.

Synecdoche New York is a very complex and enchanting piece of art, one that is very hard to dissect. It must be viewed from two distinct perspectives. One that might try to look closely to understand the story, but not to be taken too seriously because it's incomprehensible and surreal, but rather to feel (and maybe understand) how the movie deals with identity, sexuality, and desires; the story of the origin of god and the instincts behind that; the glimpse at American capitalism and its resulting destruction of the passionate and the genuine. Also, the dissection of fatherhood, motherhood, and family; the criticism of toxic masculinity that Kaufman so very much adores dealing with in all his pictures. The other perspective, and the most approachable and important, is to see the bigger picture that integrates all these small aspects and its dazzling complexities; To see the laughable mockery of our grasp on life, our infinite quests for meaning in the wrong paths that imprison us into sorrow and loneliness that furthers and furthers, while we miss the most beautiful and what is truly worthy of life; sex, passion, courage, art, love, and the intimate human touch.

Kaufman’s Synecdoche New York is an unforgettable experience that almost redefines everything, one that is very personal to me, and will forever stay in my memory as well as my heart.

[jeanandthedreamofhorses]

You're into ASOIAF too? Oh wow. You certainly made the right call dropping this shitshow -and yeah, looking back, I didn't think it possible to have a worse season than S5 but hooo boy, was I wrong-. Knowing its abomination of an ending now, I'm trying hard not to let it ruin the books for me, too, so take this as a cautionary tale, lol. And bc some positivity would be nice and I do always enjoy reading your opinions, if it's okay, could I ask you about your fave ASOIAF characters and such? thx!

Frick yeah, the question I’ve been waiting for! I can gush about pretty much every character since they’re all so amazingly well written, but for a brief list of the top contenders… (TWOW spoilers ahead!) 

5. Asha Greyjoy

“If there are rocks to starboard and a storm to port, a wise captain steers a third course.”

Irreverent, cynical, mocking, confident and dangerous, what’s not to love about Asha? She immediately made an impact with such scenes as her “sweet suckling babe” quip and was one of my favourite side characters in ACOK.

AFFC, however, was when she really got to shine, where to my elation she got a POV chapter, and more in ADWD. Despite her seemingly Ironborn-to-the-core personality, we discover she’s actually one of the least zealous of the Ironborn, sympathetic to the New Ways and those influenced by the culture of the ‘greenlanders’ like Rodrik the Reader. As one of the few reading Ironborn, she’s clearly one of the most intelligent of the Ironborn and certainly more open-minded, which leads to her down-to-earth sales pitch for the Kingsmoot, a sensible, realistic policy which would be genuinely best for her people - while still, of course, maintaining some elements of conquest: she is the kraken’s daughter, after all.

This side to her personality that sympathises with the fringe elements of her society and is able to make realistic assessments of the possibilities of success comes largely from the difficult position of being a prominent woman in the hypermasculine, heavily patriarchal Ironborn culture. Being raised as Balon’s substitute son has landed her more freedom than most Iron women, but in a complicated position nonetheless. She manages to handle it to the best of her ability, however with Balon gone she comes to realise just how precarious her position always was.

Now, like many other characters in ADWD, she is dealing with the hardship of broken dreams. Disaster piles upon disaster for Asha, from the failed kingsmoot to the loss of Deepwood Motte to becoming captive to Stannis (a dynamic I can’t wait to see more of btw, what an interesting clash of personalities!). Like Tyrion, her bravado serves to mask her insecurity, and her sense of powerlessness from recent events - both in commanding her own destiny and the heartache from the ruinous state of her family - really comes out in her inner monologue during ADWD.

How fitting, then, that this is when she reunites with Theon, another character whose lofty ambitions were torn brutally to the ground. Asha lorded it over him in Winterfell, but perhaps now she can relate. Mock as she may, Asha genuinely loves her family, and it’s another appealing aspect of this lonely character navigating her way through her unusual existence on the tightrope of social norms.

4. Tyrion Lannister

“You poor stupid blind crippled fool. Must I spell out every little thing for you? Very well. Cersei is a lying whore, she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know. And I am the monster they all say I am. Yes, I killed your vile son.”

Everyone loves Tyrion, and how can they not? He’s one of the wittiest and most intelligent characters in the series, and the first stumbling block when it comes to which side we should root for. While he was always one of my favourite characters from the start, factoring in his complex family life and struggles on account of his dwarfism (and later the maiming of his already ugly face), my favourite part of Tyrion as a character is how all the things we love about him are flipped on their head in ADWD.

Tyrion tells us in AGOT to wear your shame like “armor and it can never be used to hurt you”. It’s an empowering statement, but throughout ASOS we see how insecure Tyrion still is inside, and his ignoble treatment at the hands of his father and the people as a whole in the kangaroo court for Joffrey’s murder, can, ultimately, be boiled down to his being a dwarf. His armour fails him, and he is still utterly unable to be loved, appreciated, or respected by anyone. Only by Tysha, as he finds out, who is now lost to him - ripped from his hands by the machinations of his father and the one family member that Tyrion still loved, his brother.

It’s at this point that Tyrion is never the same again. He murders Shae in cold blood, and he murders his father, and he regrets none of it. He is becoming the monster they said he was.

When we see him in ADWD, the dark side of Tyrion that had always been hidden behind the hope he had clung onto creeps all too shockingly for the surface. His jokes are now too cynical to laugh at, dark and disturbing and cruel. He uses his intellect for no greater good beyond his own personal amusement, deliberately influencing Young Griff to attack Westeros prematurely just in the hopes that his sister might get the axe. He is on no side but his own, acting brazenly irresponsibly as he has no interest in the grand schemes others have set out for him, or even in his own life. The chips on his shoulder are now genuine murderous intent, daydreaming about raping and killing Cersei and mounting Jaime’s head on a spike next to her. Where Tyrion’s whoring habits had seemed roguish and humorous before, in Essos he is depicted raping clearly reluctant sex slaves.

What makes this all the more disturbing, and all the more literarily brilliant, is that it casts aside the biased curtain we had seen Tyrion through before, and the result is shocking. How much more free to consent is a Westerosi prostitute than a Pentoshi sex slave? How worthwhile were the barbed comments he made so frequently when they ultimately led to a litany of testimonies against him as soon as he lost his privileged position? The worse devils of Tyrion’s nature come out in full force, and we see much more of the black of the character Martin described as “the grayest of the gray”. Perhaps the difference now is that Tyrion’s POV lacks a single element of self-love. The readers are repulsed by him in the same way he repulses himself.

Nonetheless, Tyrion seems to be rekindling something of a purpose in ADWD, as characters nurture themselves back up from the wreckage in the aftermath of the War of the Five Kings. He has lost the Lannister’s golden influence, but his silver tongue still serves him well. However, we may never see the old Tyrion again. This Tyrion has not repented for the vile things he has done, or the vile things he intends to do. He was caricatured by the citizens of King’s Landing as an evil advisor whispering into the monarch’s ear - this may become something closer to the truth when he at last meets with Daenerys.

3. Jaime Lannister

“Does my lord wish to answer?” The maester asked, after a long silence. A snowflake landed on the letter. As it melted, the ink began to blur. Jaime rolled the parchment up again, as tight as one hand would allow, and handed it to Peck. “No,” he said. “Put this in the fire.”

Who saw a Jaime POV coming? What an incredible way to open ASOS after the prologue, to see things from the eyes of one of the series’ most notorious villains. I don’t think I need to explain at length how impactful it was to gently peel off the layers of Jaime’s character, revealing the true reason he killed Aerys, his growth in his interactions with Brienne, the embodiment of the chivalric values he abandoned, and most significantly, losing the hand that was his entire identity and vanity. Anyone who has read the book or watched the show can relate.

Since then, he continues to fascinate. He is discovering talents beyond swordsmanship, entering into a negotiation even Tywin could have been proud of. He has learned how to use his bad reputation for nobler ends, scaring Edmure Tully silly enough to end the siege of Riverrun without shedding a single drop of blood. He is still fighting for a Lannister king, true, but that is only staying true to his role as Kingsguard: now that he has lost his sword hand, he is discovering what it means to be a knight again, in an unconventional and thrilling way.

I chose the above quote because it captures the beauty of AFFC Jaime, breaking away from the sister he fought so hard to return to and decisively cutting out her influence for good. In Jaime’s reverse knight’s fable, refusing the call of the damsel in distress is one of the most upright things he has ever done. How fitting that he should then meet up with the woman who influenced him to take the other path - only she seems about to betray him, too…

It will be so interesting to see Stoneheart’s perverted justice on a character whose head we once wanted on a chopping block but now want to survive at all costs. I don’t think Brienne will be able to follow through with it to the end. After all, Jaime must live on to fulfil a certain prophecy…

2. Euron Greyjoy

“The bleeding star bespoke the end,” he said to Aeron. “These are the last days, when the world shall be broken and remade. A new god shall be born from the graves and charnel pits.”

It’s common enough to hear writers and critics talk about how your villain can’t simply be evil, and that they need to have sympathetic motivations or else they’re badly written. I think that’s true sometimes, but only when your evil villains fail to capture the raw horror of what evil really is - that’s when they feel wooden or cartoonish. To successfully capture that heart of darkness, however…

That is what George R.R. Martin achieved with Euron Greyjoy, the most terrifying character I have ever read.

Everyone underestimates Euron. They know he’s mad, but they don’t know how mad he is. They think they can outmanoeuvre him, like Asha, or betray him, like Victarion. They think he’s lying when he says he’s sailed to Valyria and means to conquer Westeros with dragons. Only Aeron knew. Only Aeron knew the depths of Euron’s depravity, and how far he means to fly. Because he’s the only one who heard the scream of the rusted iron hinge.

The Forsaken showed that it was all true, that Aeron was right all along - that he, like the oracle Cassandra, warned the Ironborn but was condemned to be ignored. Euron has an ambition unparalleled by any other character in the series - he means to turn himself into a god. He’s the only one depraved enough to go to the lengths it would take to make that dream a reality.

We should fear Euron, we should fear him very much. And yet, I think his dreams of godhood can never fully come to pass. He is, after all, still a man - still fallible, as we saw him shrink away at the Reader’s reprimand in The Reaver and change his tactics accordingly. His humanity will be the death of him - not any goodness in his heart, but a weakness common to the human creature. The dragons he means to dance with, and potentially the Others too as some theories go, will move at a pace beyond those mortal legs.

His attempt to fly will inevitably end with a fall. But that headfirst plunge will take the Seven Kingdoms with him.

1. Stannis Baratheon

“I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning… burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?“

Here is a man so totally dedicated to his duty that he is willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish it, even if it means his own destruction.

He is a character that believes in justice and the word of law more strongly than any other, and watching his dogged persistence to put a corrupt world to rights no matter the odds has always struck a chord with me, especially in this world teeming with such selfish and barbarous characters.

He is not such a performer as other characters, not as openly humorous as Tyrion (though lowkey he has an incredible dry wit), nor as pretty as Renly, nor as lighthearted as Littlefinger. He’s a dour person, hard and unpopular. But if you listen to the conversations he has with Davos, there is an incredible heart to this man who has placed all the troubles of the world on his own shoulders, and strives through cold and stormy weather to make the best, most just decision he can for no other reason than that - because it is just. Justice is hard, sharp and unyielding, not pretty, not humorous, not lighthearted - but necessary. In a king more than anywhere else. That’s why those who do follow Stannis, like Davos, follow him with such faith and loyalty.

He often proceeds about this goal in questionable ways, compensating for the imperfections of his forces and of his own personality. This is the rickety bridge Stannis walks on, as a man who will go to any means necessary to accomplish what he feels must be done. Sometimes this might mean unleashing dark forces better left locked up, sometimes it might mean committing so terrible a sin as kinslaying, sometimes it might mean sacrificing a child to awaken stone dragons - and sometimes it will mean rescuing the realm from a wildling incursion when no other king cared.

Moments like that unforgettable “STANNIS! STANNIS! STANNIS” stick so powerfully in my memory because, much like Jaime, the real virtue of this character had yet to shine so brightly as it eventually would in ASOS. Something which had always been there takes us unawares. And he is evolving, too, ever becoming more flexible, more willing to compromise, more hesitant to burnings, more dedicated to the good of the realm over himself.

And there is a whole other layer of tragic pathos that lies behind his character. Try as hard as Stannis might, and God does he try, he is not Azor Ahai, and every reader knows he will not sit the throne at the end. Even Stannis knows where this road will leave him. But he persists anyway, in the face of death. The courage of that, the self-sacrifice - how can one not be moved by it?

One of the finer points of Stannis that often goes missed in (understandably) overzealous attempts to correct the show’s butchering of his character, is that there is a part of him that does want to be king. He’s lived in Robert’s shadow his entire life, as Asha thinks to herself in ADWD, and there is a part of him that does yearn for recognition. Quotes like “Robert could piss in a cup and men would call it wine, but I offer them cold clear water and they squint in suspicion and mutter to each other about how queer it tastes.” reveal that, I think.

So this is a whole other internal battle within Stannis - he must be careful not to allow his judgement to falter against the part of him that is jealous of Robert, of Renly, that wants to be the hero Melisandre says he is. This very human aspect complicates further the already complicated war between deontological and utilitarian ethics that wages in his head, with Davos and Melisandre as their respective spokesmen. Much as he may want to be a perfect king and avatar of justice - he is still human.

The depth and tragedy of Stannis Baratheon is Shakespearean. My heart shatters in advance for the moment Stannis has made his greatest sacrifice of all to halt the advance of the Others (not the Boltons, he’ll flatten them like pancakes), and for it to do nothing, nothing at all. For him to realise he was never the hero of this story, and that now he has gathered all this blood on his hands where there is no spring to wash them in.

A man so just as Stannis could never forgive himself. But we, the readers, shall never forget the battles he fought as an axle of this universe striving to be something greater.

Honourable Mentions to Aeron, Victarion, Barristan, Jon (Snow and Connington), Cersei and Brienne. Yes, I really like the Greyjoys 🦑.

[katiesclassicbooks]

Review: Watchmen by Alan Moore Illustrated by Dave Gibbons

Synopsis:

Watchmen is a graphic novel that was written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons. It was published in 1987. In the midst of the threat of nuclear warfare, the world is reimagined as if super-heroes really exist in this graphic novel. The group of super-heroes also known as the watchmen, presented in this story are all psychologically complex. We get glimpses into their pasts and their different viewpoints. They all have different viewpoints on how to save the world. Also, complicated and imperfect morality. 

Storyline:

I was hooked and astounded by this multi-layered story. There really was so much packed in here. This shows a world that is overshadowed by potential destruction and Armageddon. A world plagued by the threat of nuclear warfare. Yet, in this world super-heroes are real and what are super-heroes for except to save the world? It’s so much more complex than that though. These super-heroes are flawed. They are just as human as everyone else (well most of them) and have been shaped by their pasts. They all have different viewpoints about the world, saving it and fighting crime. All of which are interesting, all seem morally complicated and none seem like exactly the right answer. Also, the question is asked ‘who watches the watchmen?’ What is behind it all? Does anyone really have the right to make decisions on behalf of humanity or other people? If superheroes existed would they have that right? Do policemen and the law have that right? Do political leaders have that right? Does anyone have that right? I’ve read that Alan Moore is an anarchist and within that theme of ‘who watches the watchmen?’ I can see his anarchy seeping through. This story was so engrossing, thought provoking and wonderfully executed both through the storytelling of Alan Moore and the artistic talent of Dave Gibbons. 

Setting:

Watchmen is set in a slightly altered 1980’s where some of the history has changed a bit because of the existence of superheroes. The setting was great and since this is a graphic novel was shown through art rather than described with words. I really did love the art style in this graphic novel. I mean, this is the first graphic novel/comic series I have ever read so I don’t have anything to compare it too, but I really did love it. My favorite color palette and setting was when Dr. Manhattan was on Mars. I loved the blue and the pink. All those images when he was there were so cool. Perhaps the scenes on earth were so busy, that the simplicity, space and yet beauty of the drawings of Dr. Manhattan being away from it all just kind of did it for me. 

Characters:

The characters and the concepts they explore are what really made this book. Through their exploration all the themes of the novel emerge. First of all there is Rorshach. He is ultra pessimistic and you could say even potentially a nihilist. His focus is smaller and he sees the worst of humanity. It seems like he thinks it’s hopeless, but yet relentlessly fights evil. He doesn’t seem to look as much at the big picture as the others though. While I liked Rorshach in a way and he was an interesting character, he was not a favorite. Then there’s The Comedian. He also sees the worst in the world. He sees the world as a big joke. Therefore he decides to cash in on the joke and reflect humanity’s worst qualities. Sure he’s a superhero, but he also works for the government. He was not likable to me for obvious reasons. Ozymandias was a favorite character of mine, although I didn’t completely agree with or admire him. In fact, what is so great about these characters is that you don’t agree with or admire any of them completely. They and their ideologies are all flawed. Ozymandias has a utopian, optimistic vision for the future. He wants to bring a resurgence of all that is great about humanity such as knowledge and art etc. His idol is Alexander the Great. He says that people in the 20th century either were taking a pessimistic or optimistic approach. Seeing the potential for enlightenment or seeing it all as hopeless and almost wishing the world would end. (Don’t think much has changed in the 21st century either). He obviously sees the potential for humanity. He is known as the world’s smartest man and he sees that everyone taking sides and fighting wars just constantly leads to division and can now lead to mutually assured destruction. He decides that humanity needs a threat from outside in order to unite them. I really liked that concept and his vision for a utopian future. The problem is, that plan leads to the sacrifice of the few for the many. Which, morally doesn’t seem right and most definitely not a perfect plan. While he has good intentions for the long term of humanity, he is still very egotistical and seems like he wants to conquer the world. He is the one that really brings up the question ‘who watches the watchmen?’ because he is the one that changes that fate of the world. Did he have the right to do that though? I thought it was interesting that within this story there was a guy reading a comic book about pirates and it paralleled the main story. It was juxtaposed really well and this one image stuck out to me in it. This one man is trying to make it back to his hometown to save everyone from a ship that will take everyone to hell. He has been shipwrecked and is left on an island with a bunch of corpses. He sails to his hometown on a raft that floats on the corpses. The image of him going to save everyone from hell, yet being propelled there by the corpses of others really tied into the rest of the story and what I feel Ozymandias does. It was a good image for what people do in war regardless. Jon or Dr. Manhattan was perhaps my favorite character. I loved his sections. He is the result of an experiment gone wrong where he was completely disintegrated, but he reassembled himself and now has super powers. Timelines got messed up with him and he experiences all time at once. I found him utterly fascinating and the section where it talked about how he experiences all time at once really got me thinking about the nature of time. I put the book down for awhile after that part because I got so caught up in my own musings on time. He also questions whether anything even made the world. He says its a clock without a clockmaker. He says nothing ends. You could say that his views are similar to the meaninglessness that Rorshach sees. I think Rorshach is so much more nihilistic though and I almost feel like Jon shows infinity and infinite potential perhaps. Jon becomes separate from humanity. He doesn’t see how in the grand scheme of things humanity serves any great purpose. He wants to detach from it all. He starts to do that, but then another character named Laurie reminds him of the miracle of life, so he returns for a bit only to become disgusted and leave again. He seems to want to detach from humanity and feeling. Sometimes though it seems he misses and might long for human connection. While he represents disconnection and wanting to disconnect from humanity, Laurie and Nite owl aka Dan seem to cling more tightly at the end to human connection. As the world has gotten more divided people have become more divided. Laurie sees death around them, she’s been confused by her past and she’s been disappointed in trying to be in a relationship with someone as disconnected as Jon. Nite Owl has fallen into boring middle aged retirement and feels a sense of impotence. All these factors bring them together to both try and fight crime and to connect with each other. Laurie I feel is more driven to connection. Nite Owl gets a thrill and feels important when he is fighting crime. These are the complex characters of Watchmen and I understood all of them and yet didn’t quite agree with any of them at the same time. They show different reactions to the world and humanity. Pessimism vs. optimism. Connection vs. disconnection. 

Did I Like It?:

I absolutely loved Watchmen! I wasn’t sure what I would think of the graphic novel medium or this story and it absorbed me, it made me think a tremendous amount and I just think it is a masterpiece that’s very powerful!  It impacted me and I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. My love gave this to me to read as it is his favorite book and he thought that I would get it and appreciate it. I am so glad he did! He was right and I can’t wait to discuss it more with him. Noting how much I have loved his recommendation, I think I’ll be keeping him around for awhile haha. He also recommends V for Vendetta, which I want to read soon now as well. 

Do I Recommend It?:

Yes! So highly. To most people. Doesn’t matter if you think you won’t like a graphic novel or superheros. This book demands to be read. It contains so much and is just a fabulous thought provoking creation. 

~Katie 

[juleswritesthis]

ACS Versace 2x04 - House by the Lake - My Thoughts

The 4th episode of ACS Versace was an incredibly sad and emotional episode. I came to care so much for David Madson, and though I knew he would be killed wished fervently he wouldn’t until the very end. As Andrew lay next to David’s slain body, I could stop the tears. I wanted to reach into my TV and physically move Andrew away. A very powerful episode.

Cody Fern was fantastic. I teared up during the scenes with his father, “the coffee with my son” touched me, the “I love you more than my life” made me want to weep. And that final scene, the minute they showed his father in the cabin, I knew David got shot. That scene was utterly heartbreaking. The writing, direction and Cody’s powerful acting, truly captured the kind of person David was; hardworking, kind, honorable and loving. Everything Andrew was not.

I’m glad they took the time to show David’s relationship with his dad. The cop telling his father that he would be surprised by what they found, not realizing that he already knew his son was gay and he still loved him more than his own life. I just want to cry. That poor man.

Another powerful scene that crushed me was the shower. The entire time David was shaking I felt it too. Andrew was so gentle one could almost describe him as caring. What a contrast from the man that was bashing in his friend’s face just minutes before. It’s truly unbelievable. I’m not kidding I was shaking for 20 minutes. You truly can never know a person. It’s terrifying.  

The cops pissed me off so much this episode (as per usual it seems). I’m still shocked that they left a crime scene to go get a search warrant. They didn’t break into the apartment the owner of the complex opened the door with her keys, saw the body and then called them. Every episode we see so many mistakes made by the cops. I would love to hear people’s opinion on this. Was it homophobia? Were they just incompetent? What? I’m just…. They lost precious hours and the world lost David, Lee, William, and Gianni. That makes me want to cry too.

I know some folks are frustrated with the nonlinear story telling but I’m finding it fascinating. We already know he kills 5 people and some even know details. But by going backwards it’s like we are peeling the layers of why. We are not seeing Andrew descend into madness. He is already quite mad when we meet him, but each episode gives us more and more clues. It’s heightens the suspense. Plus, when I watch the scene such as Jeff’s mentioning his stolen gun, I nod yup that’s where he got the gun. Little pieces of the puzzle that won’t be complete until the final episode…because we are going backwards. Then Lee Miglin is mentioned in this episode and another puzzle piece snaps in place.

I’m going to take this moment to praise Darren’s brilliant acting. We saw so many faces of Andrew Cunanan in this episode. Andrew excited when they leave David’s place and as he turns on the car he is almost giddy like they were going on a fun road trip while David sits quietly crying and shaking next to him. WTF!  Andrew crying at the restaurant then holding David’s hand tightly for comfort. Andrew singing in the car again and eating a sandwich – what is it with this guy? This is his first kill and he isn’t affected at all. How did he get this way? Andrew using homophobia as an argument why David shouldn’t call the cops then just pulling out the gun as his face goes from caring to deadly. Andrew talking about Mexico and the hotels, making more money than ever. Andrew eye’s menacing, threatening to run a woman off the road for glaring at David. He truly is a manipulative, lying sociopath.

I think David was right, Andrew hid in his lies. He hated when people figured him out or maybe it scared him? Either way it truly angered him when folks called him on his BS. I found it so interesting that he was trying to live the fantasy with David and scorned when Lee wanted the fantasy last week. Maybe that’s why he understood Lee’s need and that’s another reason he wanted to rid him of the fantasy by covering his face with tape, torturing and mutilating him. I wonder if he planned to kill David or if he really thought they could live together in Mexico. He obviously intended to kill Jeff, as he stole his gun to lure him there and then made David go answer the phone so he could attack immediately. It will be interesting to see if he went to Minneapolis to kill them or maybe the argument with David (they eluded to it) triggered his violence. I’m really looking forward to digging into the next few episodes.

Was Jeff the only face Andrew was looking at when he murdered? He shot David in the back, William and Gianni in the back of the head (well side of the head) and covered up Lee’s entire face before killing him. He also shot David in the eye. Jeff was unrecognizable when he got done bashing his face. He’s not just killing them, it’s like he wants to erase them, or erase a part of them. But Jeff and Lee were by far the most gruesome and violent.

I didn’t know how to feel during that restaurant scene. I couldn’t bring myself to feel sorry or any real emotion towards Andrew. I mean maybe if the story was linear I might have felt something, but I recall all too clearly Jeff’s brutal murder, William’s senseless one, Lee’s mutilation and Gianni’s slaying. David is right there shaking in fear and anguish, his father is worried, I remember Marilyn’s pain, I’m thinking of William’s son who will never see his father and Antonio’s face so lost and alone. Yes, none of it has happened yet, but to me it has. Another interesting aspect of the non-linear story telling. It’s mindboggling to think about it.

The word disgrace was brought up this episode. It’s an ongoing theme in the series. Last week Andrew asked Lee which he feared more disgrace or death. And this week David feared that was how he would be remembered. What a completely heartbreaking episode.

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Talk to us about the personality traits, layers, contradictions, unanswered questions, etc you find most interesting, intriguing etc. about each of these characters: Cora, Thomas, Edith, Mary, and Baxter :)

Alright, the short answers go here. There will be essays on a couple of these characters later (and if you can't guess which ones, you've not been paying attention), but these are the short ones.

Also, since this is a public answer, for the random goers reading this I would like to clarify something about the term "contradictions" as used here. Contradictions in character personality are frequently pointed to by a lot of people as a sign of bad writing. Given how fond people are already of blasting Julian Fellows's absolutely non-existent writing skills that they watched six seasons of, I feel the need to point out to anyone with that perception that, no, actually, when intentionally done, contradictions in a character are signs of good character development, because people contradict themselves all the bloody time. The world is too complex for us to avoid it.

And, of course, your routine reminder that there were only three members of the household who were around for more than an episode  who I really disliked. Any other complaints about characters here are just recognizing flaws in my beloved cast.

Right then! That said, let's look at this.

Cora:

While Cora has many wonderful, admirable qualities, the first thing that pops to my mind when thinking of her is honestly how crazy gullible she is. I suspect this is a direct result of how utterly trusting she is of people. She's not the least bit suspicious of anyone. I mean, she slipped on soap after O'Brien told her it was under the tub, and still thought O'Brien was the best thing since sliced bread. Simon Bricker had to show up in her room before she realized he was trying to have an affair with her. Of course, all of this just makes one of my favorite scenes all that more memorable: Rosamund telling her that Edith wants to go to Switzerland to improve her French and Cora just absolutely dead straight faced "Why not go to France?" That was beyond beautiful! But yeah, that someone so intelligent and observant in other aspects of her life should be so easily lead around is a fascinating quirk. In a way it balances Robert who is generally unobservant, but tends to get a decent read on people who are up to no good (the Duke of Crowborough, Sir Richard, Simon Bricker, etc.).

Also, she hands down seems to be the person in the house with the best grasp on the concept of a punishment-reward system and the fact that it requires, I dunno, rewarding people for things? I mean, given the choice between punishing Thomas for lying about Baxter's past and rewarding him for running through a burning room to rescue Lady Edith, history shows that Carson would probably have sacked him for the lie, and even Robert probably would have just wordlessly not sacked him. Cora, on the other hand, had no problems going, "Okay, you know what? I have every right to be hacked off at you, because what you did was WRONG and I want you to know that, but damn. Saving my daughter deserves something nice, so as a reward, you can keep your job." It's not that she'll let him just get away with things, but she at least acknowledges his good behavior.

Thomas:

Everything.

Edith:

Probably a result of being a middle child and feeling that her sisters get everything and she gets nothing, the way to make Edith want something really is to tell her she can't have it. This extends to people. Sir Anthony is no longer a good match because his arm is injured and anyway, he's too old? Set a wedding date and don't tell me no. Michael Gregson is not an acceptable match because he get a divorce from his clinically insane wife? I will wait until the end of time for the situation to change, my darling. I'm not saying she's crazy clingy, it's just.....okay, yes, I love her, and I understand, but she's kinda crazy clingy. Fortunately by the time Bertie comes along she's starting to get over that a bit. I think having Marigold helped.

Speaking of Marigold, I've come across people out there who really, really like to rag on her for how she handled that situation, particularly where the Drewes were concerned. I wold like to point out that the entire arrangement with the Drewes was Mr. Drewe's idea, Edith's behavior was perfectly acceptable within the terms of the agreement, and the whole thing fell apart because Mrs. Drewe wasn't in on the scheme (and I understand why Mr. Drewe wanted to seriously limit the number of people who knew about it, but really, that was a major screw up right there, and by the end he knew it). If you want to point fingers about poor, abused Margie, point them at her husband, not Edith. Edith was just trying to find a way to be a good, responsible, supportive young single mother in an age and class where all Miss Manners had to say on the subject was "I don't care if you're engaged and he's willing to walk through fire for you, don't sleep with him until you're married, you light skirted hussy!"

(Fortunately, Robert and Cora are actual human beings with hearts and souls, unlike Miss Manners who can be reasonably determined to be the world's first automated character generator, invented by Charles Dickens to turn out overly moralistic antagonists for his novels.)

Baxter:

Most of the things I want to know about Baxter (outside of "how long is it going to take before she and Molsley actually get married? No hurry, just curious") relate to Thomas in some way, but that's because their stories are kinda super entwined. I'd like to get a better idea on her age (I'm a terrible judge, and you can't go off the actors). I would like to know more about her growing up - not in detail, exactly, but a bit more about her relationship with Thomas's sister - how did they meet? The past tense implies they're no longer friends. How did that happen? Then there's her family's standing. At least one comment made to Molsley suggested that they weren't overly respected (at least that didn't feel like just the prison thing), but Thomas's father was kind to her. I'd also like more of an idea on her actual relationship with Thomas. For instance, how did he even know she needed a position? Did she contact him? If so, why him? A lot of fanfiction authors cash in on their super-duper close relationship as kids, but she tells Cora she was his sister's friend, not his, and I know I was never terribly close with my friends' siblings. I mean, yes, we interacted a lot, and it was not bad interaction. I can certainly see her having babysat him or that sort of thing, but I don't see her having practically raised him herself.

Basically I really want a firmer grasp on how she got to the point where we meet her. One of the major flaws of serialized film as a medium is that it can limit your chances for backstory development, particularly when you have a cast as large as Downton.

Mary:

The more I work with Mary as a character, the more I'm interested in her relationship with Downton itself. Robert refers to the estate as "his third parent and his fourth child" and I kind of feel like Mary feels the same, but it's not always in a positive manner. She loves her family and her home, beyond any shadow of any doubt, but at the same time I feel she genuinely resents the pressures and responsibilities it puts on her. It makes her feel trapped and at points, I think, particularly in season one, a bit dehumanized. Her half of the "your grass is greener" syndrome she and Edith share is that Edith isn't continually being told "to marry the man she sits down with at dinner." She's permitted to fall in love with whoever she pleases (within certain societal standards), she has fewer responsibilities as far as behavior and protocol and all of that, etc. Also, since Mary is the oldest, it's probably been an expectation throughout her life (particularly when younger) that she set a good example for her younger sisters and make sure they stay out of trouble. That would be one thing with the significantly-younger Sybil, but Edith is only a year younger than Mary. That's not a huge maturity gap, so I feel that probably fosters a bit of Mary's resentment toward Edith herself.

I also find it interesting that in a lot of ways, Mary’s the member of the family with the best understanding of the servants. Sybil paid attention to them, of course, and was nice and helped Gwen and all, but Mary understands them. She apologizes to Bates for being in the men’s quarters in episode one. She’s the one who sent William to see his mother when she was dying. In season two, she recognizes Thomas’s ambition and - honestly - discontent. There is a level of observation and, in many ways, respect there that no one else quite gets.

I could, of course, go on a bit longer on everyone, but I think this covers the most important points.

[petrichorate]

Little Fires Everywhere: Thoughts

Little Fires Everywhere (Celeste Ng)

I feel like Little Fires Everywhere is like a trap of sorts—it draws you in quickly, under the pretense of some light entertainment, and then hits you hard with moments of intense poignancy and frustration. I wanted to read more books by Asian American authors this year because I wanted to come to terms with my identity as a Chinese American. I needed to understand how I had been approaching that part of myself, and also to hear the stories of other people who had gone through the same thing—especially if those experiences were sometimes shameful, terrifying, or filled with guilt, as mine have often been. It wasn’t until college that I started being proud of my heritage; there are still moments when I unfortunately feel ashamed of that part of myself, or somehow feel lesser than those around me. But I’ve also started to appreciate the unique beauty of being Asian American—the amazing resilience and reflection I’ve received by being part of a culture that is complex, and contradictory, and somehow immensely messed up and exquisite at the same time. 

Little Fires Everywhere managed to pack so much about Asian American-ness, motherhood, and self identity into a seamless narrative. I remember messaging a friend at the beginning of the novel that “it was entertaining, but seems like just a light read. I kind of expected it to push more on Asian American issues.” But the more I read, the more I realized that there were lessons interwoven throughout the story that could only have been learned through intense, real experiences. I love how Ng describes the “sureness” possessed in children from wealthy and established families—a feeling I always got from my childhood friends who lived in houses with kitchen islands in nice neighborhoods, but that I never felt I held inside myself. I love how Ed Lim, the lawyer, reflects on the difficulty of finding books and dolls that his daughter can relate to—it’s something I noticed in all my picture books about kids with curly golden hair, and it’s something I am actively working on because I don’t want my future daughter or son growing up without characters who look like them. 

Here are some parts I thought were particularly memorable:

On stealing from people who don’t notice: “She had cried all the way to Lafayette, where they would stay for the next eight months, and even the prancing china palomino she had stolen from the girl’s collection gave her no comfort, for though she waited nervously, there was never any complaint about the loss, and what could be less satisfying than stealing from someone so endowed that they never even noticed what you’d taken?”

On the “sureness” or efficacy felt in people from established families: “Even the younger Richardsons had it, this sureness in themselves. Sunday mornings Pearl and Moody would be sitting in the kitchen when Trip drifted in from a run, lounging against the island to pour a glass of juice, tall and tan and lean in gym shorts, utterly at ease, his sudden grin throwing her into disarray. Lexie perched at the counter, inelegant in sweatpants and a tee, hair clipped in an untidy bun, picking sesame seeds off a bagel. They did not care if Pearl saw them this way. They were so artlessly beautiful, even right out of bed. Where did this ease come from? How could they be so at home, so sure of themselves, even in pajamas? When Lexie ordered from a menu, she never said, ‘Could I have...?’ She said, ‘I’ll have...’ confidently, as if she had only to say it to make it so. It unsettled Pearl and it fascinated her.”

On covering up naïveté with “bookish wisdom”: “She could see the similarities between these two lonely children, even more clearly than they could: the same sensitive personalities lurking inside both of them, the same bookish wisdom layered over a deep naïveté.”

On the ability of wealth to draw you away from the problems you want to solve: “Of course she understood why this was happening: they were fighting to right injustices. But part of her shuddered at the scenes on the television screen. Grainy scenes, but no less terrifying: grocery stores ablaze, smoke billowing from their rooftops, walls gnawed to studs by flame. The jagged edges of smashed windows like fangs in the night. Soldiers marching with rifles past drugstores and Laundromats. Jeeps blocking intersections under dead traffic lights. Did you have to burn down the old to make way for the new? The carpet at her feet was soft. The sofa beneath her was patterned with roses. Outside, a mourning dove cooed from the bird feeder and a Cadillac glided to a dignified stop at the corner. She wondered which was the real world. The following spring, when antiwar protests broke out, she did not get in her car and drive to join them. She wrote impassioned letters to the editor; she signed petitions to end the draft. She stitched a peace sign onto her knapsack. She wove flowers into her hair.”

On parents and touch: “Parents, she thought, learned to survive touching their children less and less. As a baby Pearl had clung to her; she’d worn Pearl in a sling because whenever she’d set her down, Pearl would cry. There’d scarcely been a moment in the day when they had not been pressed together. As she got older, Pearl would still cling to her mother’s leg, then her waist, then her hand, as if there were something in her mother she needed to absorb through the skin. Even when she had her own bed, she would often crawl into Mia’s in the middle of the night and burrow under the old patchwork quilt, and in the morning they would wake up tangled, Mia’s arm pinned beneath Pearl’s head, or Pearl’s legs thrown across Mia’s belly. Now, as a teenager, Pearl’s caresses had become rare—a peck on the cheek, a one-armed, half-hearted hug—and all the more precious because of that. It was the way of things, Mia thought to herself, but how hard it was. The occasional embrace, a head leaned for just a moment on your shoulder, when what you really wanted more than anything was to press them to you and hold them so tight you fused together and could never be taken apart. It was like training yourself to live on the smell of an apple alone, when what you really wanted was to devour it, to sink your teeth into it and consume it, seeds, core, and all.”

On regrets: “‘Most of the time, everyone deserves more than one chance. We all do things we regret now and then. You just have to carry them with you.’”

On the lack of good Asian representation in toys for kids: “But there was no doll with black hair, let alone a face that looked anything like Monique’s. Ed Lim had gone to four different toy stores searching for a Chinese doll; he would have bought it for his daughter, whatever the price, but no such thing existed.  He’d gone so far as to write to Mattel, asking them if there was a Chinese Barbie doll, and they’d replied that yes, they offered ‘Oriental Barbie’ and sent him a pamphlet. He had looked at that pamphlet for a long time, at the Barbie’s strange mishmash of a costume, all red and gold satin and like nothing he’d ever seen on a Chinese or Japanese or Korean woman, at her waist-length black hair and slanted eyes. I am from Hong Kong, the pamphlet ran. It is in the Orient, or Far East. Throughout the Orient, people shop at outdoor marketplaces where goods such as fish, vegetables, silk, and spices are openly displayed. The year before, he and his wife and Monique had gone on a trip to Hong Kong, which struck him, mostly, as a pincushion of gleaming skyscrapers. In a giant, glassed-in shopping mall, he’d bought a dove-gray cashmere sweater that he wore under his suit jacket on chilly days. Come visit the Orient. I know you will find it exotic and interesting. In the end, he’d thrown the pamphlet away. He’d heard, from friends with younger children, that the expensive doll line now had one Asian doll for sale—and a few black ones, too—but he’d never seen it. Monique was seventeen now, and had long outgrown dolls.”

On the frustration of people finally recognizing problems that you have always known about through real experience and not research studies: “‘What about other books, Mrs. McCullough? Any other books with Chinese characters?’ Mrs. McCullough bit her lip. ‘I haven’t really looked for them,’ she admitted. ‘I hadn’t thought about it.’ ‘I can save you some time,’ said Ed Lim. ‘There really aren’t very many. So May Ling has no dollars that look like her, and no books with pictures of people that look like her.’ Ed Lim paced a few more steps. Nearly two decades later, others would raise this question, would talk about books as mirrors and windows, and Ed Lim, tired by then, would find himself as frustrated as he was grateful. We’ve always known, he would think; what took you so long?”

On what Asians are “allowed” to be in society: “Men like him, the article would suggest, weren’t supposed to lose their cool—though it was never specified whether ‘like him’ meant lawyers or something else entirely. But the truth was—as Mr. Richardson recognized—that an angry Asian man didn’t fit the public’s expectations, and was therefore unnerving. Asian men could be socially inept and incompetent and ridiculous, like a Long Duk Dong, or at best unthreatening and slightly buffoonish, like a Jackie Chan. They were not allowed to be angry and articulate and powerful. And possibly right, Mr. Richardson thought uneasily.”

[dishonoredrpg]

Congratulations, C! You’ve been accepted for the role of THE DEVIL with the faceclaim of MAHESH JADU. Getting to read your application was truly -- genuinely -- a gift. A treat! A joy! You touched on everything I could have wanted in an app for The Devil, from the way their body is in need of constant repair to how at its core, their loyalty is selfish, but selfish for a reason that is so incredibly human it makes you want to weep. Wraith (what a fitting name) embodied a terror, I think, befitting a spymaster, and I fully believe that they are good at what they do. I both empathize with and fear their power. I think your exploration of the void as a concept was also fascinating, and I was so happy to see you take it into your own hands and make it yours! You’ve done me a great service by letting me get to have you and them on the dashboard.

Please review the CHECKLIST and send your blog in within 24 hours.

OOC NAME: C PRONOUNS: they/them AGE: 27 TIMEZONE, ACTIVITY LEVEL: EST; my activity is pretty consistent—I’m around on Discord most of the time, and I will generally do all of my replies 3 times a week or so ANYTHING ELSE?: this group looks so wonderful! I’ve been longing for a good fantasy rp and this is so well done, so thank you!

IN CHARACTER SKELETON: the Devil NAME: Wraith ( among a half-dozen others. It’s not so much a name as a quick referent, a summons. they don’t need a name to answer when called. they had a real name, once, years ago; they don’t remember it anymore. a name their mother gave them, a name their mother spat into the ground. not the name of a child, but the name of a well-honed, well-balanced blade. they gave it up, when they went to court. it was a split-second decision, when the king asked them their name, and instead of giving the one that someone else had branded them with, they answered: my Lord, I am nothing but a wraith ) FACECLAIM: Mahesh Jadu (backups: Sacha Dhawan or Mena Massoud - though I would age the character down to 28 in Mena’s case) AGE: 35 --  ( it’s old, for an inferni; there’s no reason they should be alive anymore by all accounts, but Wraith’s magic isn’t quite as actively destructive as that of many inferni. still, it would be a lie to say the magic isn’t taking its toll. it has called in its dark favor from them time and again: first, three fingers of their left hand, now empty space; then, a part of their jaw, reconstructed for them by a court necromancer out of someone else’s bone; these days, it isn’t so much that parts of their body are going missing as their very material form seems to take longer and longer to take shape each time they move, and sometimes it is as if they aren’t anything more substantial than dark smoke unfurling, as if they themself are slowly being consumed by the void they fall through again and again. ) DETAILS: The thing that fascinates me most about The Devil is the way they seem to have traded one cage for another, one wielder from another, doing the same thing at the hands of a different master. “You are not an animal . . . You’ll show her just how beast like you can be.” There’s a layer, there, of absolute self-denial, a kind of self-obliteration in the pursuit of their vengeance. There’s something very pragmatic about them, very focused: the position is a tool, too, not something they delight in except in what it gets them. I feel like “spymaster” characters are always written as characters who delight in gossip and the abuse of information, but the Devil is such a refreshing change from that trope, in that way. I also love the complexity of their feelings about Septimus: an acknowledgement, that he is a fool, an understanding that he is a bad leader, perhaps even an understanding that he deserves to be overthrown, and yet a deliberate allegiance to him in the moment because it serves them, because it grants them power in a way they crave that power. I think there’s a sense, in that loyalty, that it is better to be an animal caged by the kind of fool who forgets to latch the gate at night; there’s a sense that if it came down to it, they could outsmart Septimus and escape him, a deliberate choice to serve a master they could overpower if they needed to. That’s what makes the difference, between their mother and Septimus, between serving one over the other: they feel that with Septimus, they are really the one in control. BACKGROUND: ( trigger warnings: sexist slurs, abuse, injury, body horror ) The first time they fall, it is an accident. Schoolyard bullies have them cornered—they’re scrawny, for their ages, and their mother is alone and poor, the kind of woman to whom vicious gossip clings. What about you? one of the kids asks, bigger than them by nearly threefold, and reeking. Are you a whore like your mother, too? Let’s see what you— One moment, the kid is in front of them and the next there is nothing but black, a void around them, empty of everything, utterly. Of light, of beings, of sensation. Of time. It feels like they are falling for an hour, but when they hit the ground, ten feet behind the boys who were cornering them, smoldering slightly with thick black smoke, it has been less than a second. Time accelerates, then, as if to make up for it: there are screams of fear, looks of terror, and the next thing they know they are choking on the ground, their mother’s hand gripped around their throat. What did you do? What did you do and how did you do it? They can’t answer her, they don’t know. They’ve never known magic before, never done anything but fear it before. Time accelerates again, between each jump, each fall. The moments between the void blur. In the void, they feel grounded in their body. When they land, they feel detached. They press into small corners, fold their body small, overhear what they can. They report back. Some days their mother cradles their hair, rakes sharp-nailed fingers through it until she draws blood. Some days she locks their door and leaves, an understanding between them both that if they fall, to get out, the punishment will be much, much worse. Some days they go without food, some days they are left so aching and bruised they can barely hang onto the rafters to listen. There are only two constants: one, that each day ends with information, shared to their mother, measured, weighted, judged; two, that the time they spend in the void, brief and silent and perfect, makes the rest somehow bearable. The crack, the split, the seam, the breaking point. It comes one day, as they are coughing blood onto the floor. Someone knows, she shouts. Someone knows about you, you filth, you rat, you traitor. Who did you tell? Who have you told? They haven’t told anyone; someone planted information, leaked deliberately within earshot, somewhere they shouldn’t have been. Someone had grown suspicious at how much their mother knew, how much power it afforded her, and someone conspired to use them to take her down. She beats them bloody, leaves scars they’ll bare for the rest of their life, but she forgets one thing, in her attempt to reign them in. She forgets, because they have never used it against her, that they can fall. They let themself spend hours, in the void, before deciding where to go. The cuts in their skin, the breaks in their bones fill, with the black smoke of it, as they float there, falling. Like a new womb, it wraps its cold smoke around them and births them anew. They don’t think they’re going to appear inside the castle walls. They don’t have to think. It decides for them. ( this is the part of the story that precedes them, the part that has already been told: a young inferni, barely sixteen, appears before the King, begs for entrance three times, one week upon the next upon the next. disappears in a cloud of smoke and returns with a blade of grass from Wyvern-Wing plains. returns with a hand full of the pink sands of the Eastern coast. returns with a midnight-blue flower from deep within the Volkan forest. though they only needed one, to convince him. when asked their name, they say my Lord, I am nothing but a wraith ) Nicknames come easily, when they forsake a true name of their own. Not just wraith, but others: raven, ghost, wolf, snake. It doesn’t mean anything to them; they are accustomed to being a beast. Their reputation for lurking in corners, unseen, leads at first to rapid mistrust, suspicion, extra precaution. Royals are no more secretive than ordinary folk, except that they have more resources, hold their secrets more precious even when they are as banal as all the rest. So the charm is something they have to learn, something they have to socialize themself to. Talented or not, no one can survive in court without learning how to talk the right way. They may not need charm, or gold, or anything but magic to get the information they need to please the King, but that does not mean that the rest of the court is as easily content. There are patterns to learn, rivalries to steer clear of, delicate spots not to aggravate; they are a quick study. It is the same survival instinct that saw them bend like a reed to their mother’s hand. Cross the wrong person, and you are as good as dead. And so they don’t. They make few friends, and make the illusion of many: trust no one, but give them all reason to believe they trust you. They learn, they work, they excel. Secrets no one should know. Priceless ones no bribe is enough to uncover. They spend their days shuttling back and forth between the court and wherever they need to do, compiling reports by day, hiding in dark corners by night. As constant as the cool embrace of the void. And then, one day, their magic has its first cost: they appear before the king and look to find three fingers missing from their left hand, only the thumb and index finger left. No scarring left in their wake, as if they were never there to begin with. Months later, it is half their jaw they leave behind, and though a court necromancer shapes shards of someone else’s bone into a replacement and seals it under their skin, it is then that they begin to wear the mask they grow infamous for—the new jaw may sit fine and prettily in their face, but it will not be the last piece of themself they lose to the void. That it means they rarely see their own face, inhuman to them and unfamiliar, with its new bone structure, is a consideration as well, but one they will not admit to. That it means they never glimpse the lingering furl of black smoke in their own eyes is not something they will say aloud. PLOT IDEAS: 1. What is the void, they think, but a manifestation of the Undying’s embrace? Some might think it heresy, but their quiet, private reverence, their silent faith is a comfort to them. The void was a womb, to them, reborn and cloaked in black. They do not adhere to the tenets of organized worship of the Undying, but they think of her as a second mother of sorts, a relationship far more personal than by all accounts they should. They think she holds them close, every time they fall. But this private zealotry, this silent dedication, might raise the hackles of those who find the organized worship of temples and priests the only true way to understand faith. It might cast suspicion on them, or make them enemies in high places they have no interest in placating. 2. Sometimes it takes several seconds, for their body to fully materialize after they leave the void. Sometimes, it takes days. Sometimes, lately, they walk around more ghost than body, black cloaks and masks the only thing giving them form at all. They are close, they feel, so close, to getting what they want, but there is a risk, razor-sharp, that they will disappear entirely when it is just at their fingertips. Inferni aren’t meant to live so long, after all, are supposed to burn out in chaotic destruction, their own bodies traded for the magic they wield. But other inferni have lived as long, other magic users have found ways to circumvent the cost of their gifts. And if anyone can find the ones who have, can learn how they have done it, it is the wraith who knows all secrets. 3. They have heard so much talk of coups, in the intel they collect, the gossip they confirm. It seems everybody wants to be a part of a coup, at some point or another. Revolutionary aspirations have never been their cup of tea. Their work shelters them; the King provides everything they need. But they stand as a valuable resource, to either side, and while they are loyal to their king now, it is not out of any love for man nor nation. It is out of a loyalty to power, a loyalty to access, a loyalty to usefulness. If they were to receive a better offer, if the tides were to shift, just so, if there was a way to assure that someone else could keep them alive…  they could find themself falling to the other side, or at least playing the field for both. Their dedication to the King is dedication to a fool whose power serves their needs; that doesn’t mean the Hierophant doesn’t have a point about the way magic could be used. Hungry dogs are never loyal, after all, and though the King has kept them well-fed, some masters offer crumbs and others steaks. CHARACTER DEATH: I’m absolutely fine with the possibility of them dying, and I look forward to the idea of playing/plotting a new character to replace them if that’s the case!

WRITING SAMPLE It was dark, at the docks, sun long gone, and darker beneath the wooden piers, by the struts that held them up above the water. The waves were glassy and smooth, like tourmaline, the tide low, lapping below their feet where they hung, half-suspended, beneath the docks, mask pulled low across their face. Dark clothes, dark mask, dark gloves, tendrils of the void around them and still fading from the fall from the castle to here. There was a meeting. Supposed to be a secret, but they had heard tell of the time and place, the collaborators involved. They would have been there even if revealing themself had not been an option, but this time… there was a question, furiously turning in their mind: would they pull themselves out of their perch, step out into the light, let those involved see the mask on their face and know they were there? Or would they do as they were told, as they usually did, deliver the message back and be done with it? They had spent plenty of time spying in the docks before, tracking black market deals, watching bargains and trades, keeping an eye of the coming and going of not only goods but people. Who spoke to whom, who wanted what. It was easy to hide, here, plenty of small, dark places to slip into, not to mention that no one ever seemed to look down. But the docks were the place of commonfolk and petty nobles. Of those getting rich off illegal goods, or bribing others into silence. It wasn’t ordinarily the place one came to talk of a coup. And yet… They pressed their ear closer to the wooden planks, closing their eyes to block out every sense but sound, a practiced trick to hear even the lowest of whispers from their hiding place. That was what the conversation was about—or, no, it wasn’t quite. That was the problem, perhaps. Careful language, as if cautiously avoiding saying the kind of forbidden words that could foment a rebellion. But the voices were talking about Koldam, and if they’d noticed anything of late, it was that Koldam had become something of a code word. A signal, from one rebellious upstart to the next. They’d even heard it within the walls of the castle, in places they weren’t meant to be. There was a different tone to it, now, one that gave them pause: before, talks of revolution had been full of determination, boldness, grandeur. Yes, people whispered about it in shadowed corners, but they did so too loudly, and with alcohol on their breaths. This… This was different. Cold steel and careful rationality. Best-laid plans. And coming, not from disgruntled laborers or upstart nobles, but from people it shouldn’t be. They could have easily hoisted themself up, from where they were, onto the pier in one swift motion, but instead, they let go of the strut, plummeting to the water, and disappeared an instant before slicing through the surface, a measured dive into the void that left them landing on the pier above in a crouch. Mostly material. Close enough that no one would see, behind their mask, if they weren’t. Black smoke rising off of them like fog.     “You might want to be careful what you say, talking like that,” they said, voice quiet but sharp and clear even through the mask. “You never know you might be listening.”

EXTRAS x. playlist x. pinterest board x. mockblog

[brandxspandex]

How and when did you get into Transformers? What are your favorite characters and pairings so far?

I was always vaguely aware that Transformers existed viacultural osmosis; I saw the toys and car decals and the like around the placeoften enough. When I was a teen I had some friends who were getting into G1,Beast Wars and Armada at the time, and would tell me stuff about it that got meintrigued. The information I got about Armada Starscream was particularlyinteresting to me because this was at the point where I had started to developa fascination with redeemable villains. I saw the first couple of episodes ofG1 with these friends when their older sister took us to her university towatch a screening by the sci-fi club there. It was fricking hilarious; by thescene where some Autobot was rubbing a guy’s back, looking like he was drillinghim from behind, everyone had lost it. I had already lost it by the bit where twoasteroids improbably crashed into each other right near the beginning; for some reason thatwas really funny to me at the time. This was all shortly before the firstBayformers film came out, so I was getting pretty pumped to see it and get aproper introduction to the modern franchise. I went to see the film with the aforementionedfriends, pretty excited to see interesting robot characters embedded infascinating sci-fi space fantasy lore. Then I left having more or less lost myinterest in the franchise.

Seven years later I had another good friend who was gettinginto Transformers who told me some stuff about Transformers Prime and the IDWcomics here and there. It occasionally sounded vaguely interesting but notenough to make me want to investigate it any further. Then that friend hosted amovie night where they insisted on showing the G1 Transformers film, which Iwas actually pretty pumped for because I was keen to relive thatmagical night watching G1 with a bunch of rowdy uni students from all those years ago. Ohboy, the G1 movie did not disappoint on that front. Everything about it wasjust a glorious succession of 80s-flavoured wut.My favourite part was how the 80s power ballads were absolutely non-stopthroughout the entire damn thing. Just…glorious.

My friend took my enthusiasm over the utter ridiculousness ofthe film to be enthusiasm for the franchise itself, so they decided to make mewatch Transformers Prime, which I was initially kinda grumpy about because Iwanted to keep watching Space Dandy, but then that first Vechicon appeared and Iwas just “oh well hello there 👀”.Then Starscream showed up with that voice, and those legs, and heels,and claws, and that scene where he transforms mid swan dive, and thoseexpressive animations (which only got better when they started making his wingsemote), and his general ridiculousness interspersed with moments of genuinely cool/terrifyingbadassery and hints of character depth. I loved him. I think I was somewhatpredisposed towards being interested in Starscream from the get go because of theseeds of intrigue that were planted when I was a teen, but even though myfriend told me that this version of Starscream didn’t go through the redemptionarc of his Armada counterpart, he happened to hit pretty much every other villaintrope I loved anyway. Also, he may have remained a villain, but he did havesome interesting moments that suggested that there was more to his character.

Starscream is definitely my favourite character in TFP but Ilove pretty much all the Decepticons. The Autobots are good too, but man, Ilove me dem ‘cons; they look evilly gorgeous, all have magnificent voices, andare all their own special flavour of ridiculous. My favourite stories are usuallythose with complex characters and plots, that stray far away from black andwhite portrayals of morality, but I’ve gotta be honest, sometimes I just reallywant a completely ridiculous, over-the-top tale featuring utterly absurd andnutty villains, and that’s the main button TFP hit for me (that and thosegorgeous robot designs). That being said, like TFP Starscream, TFP itselfshowed a lot of hints at a potential to be more complex and interesting than itwas, which was both super intriguing and super frustrating. Ultimately there area lot of things I loved about TFP, but I could never bring myself to call it a great show overall, because it wastedway too many great opportunities in terms of both plot and character development.If it had taken half of those chances it could have been amazing.

My favourite ship in TFP is Megatron/Starscream, initiallyfor the same primary reason I enjoyed the TFP Decepticons in general - just theridiculous, campy, over-the-top villainy of their dynamic. If you view theirrelationship through a lens of realism, then yeah, it’s absolutely horrendousrather than entertaining, but if you view them as villainous archetypesinhabiting crazy vaudevilleland rather than realistic people, then it takes ona very different flavour. That being said, again there were suggestions of amore complex element to their relationship that once more got me more deeply intriguedwhilst leaving me frustrated at canon’s failure to plumb these depths. I alsoreally enjoyed Knock Out and Starscream’s relationship, although I think I’multimately more interested in it as it as was portrayed in canon, rather thanas a ship. The show itself laid groundwork between Megatron and Optimus that Ibecame interested in when it was explored in fanfic, and I gotta admit thatAirachnid and Arcee’s relationship intrigued me if only for how thoroughlyfucked up it was and how pretty they both were. But honestly, if there’s a TFP shipthat involves Decepticons being ridiculous then I’d probably be somewhatinterested in it.

After I finished TFP I was hungry for more Transformerscontent, which I went looking for on tumblr, and I think that’s how I ended up comingacross panels from the IDW comics. My reaction was pretty much, “Wait, these are the comics? They’re modern?And that’s not edited? That’s actuallyhappening??? What the hell I gotta readthe shit outta these!!!” So I did, and suddenly everything I’d wantedfrom the Transformers franchise since I’d developed my first preconceptions asa teenager was mine. The complex characters, the trippy space fantasy, the deepworldbuilding and lore, it was everything I could have hoped for. What asatisfying experience, my god.

My favourite character in IDW is Starscream, who is also myfavourite Transformer overall now, and with his recent development thatassociation that was implanted in my teenage brain between Starscream andredemption arcs is finally paying off (to some extent anyway). Megatron is alsoespecially interesting to me in IDW since he’s such a multilayered character(even if those layers don’t always synergise as well as I feel they could).Starscream and Megatron’s relationship is again deeply fascinating to me in IDW,although since they’re in what to me feels like a more serious setting I can’tenjoy it so much on the “haha campy villains” level, rather it’s much more about how darkly complex their dynamic is. Megatron’s relationship with Optimusis also especially engrossing to me in this setting since they’re very much anexample of really intense and obsessive arch-nemeses. Speaking of Optimus,whilst I wouldn’t go quite so far to call him a favourite of mine at thispoint, I do like the direction he’s being taken in the comics at the moment, where he’s making really contentious decisions for the greater good.

I would go so far to call Thundercracker a favourite of minethough; not only was he a villain with a redemption arc, but he became anendearing dork with a comical misunderstanding of humanity. I love everythingabout all of those things. I also love his relationship with Marissa; I wouldwatch the hell out a sitcom featuring such an odd couple. I also really lovethe IDW take on Shockwave; most Shockwaves are pretty great, but this one’s reallymessed up backstory, together with his batshit insane plan in Dark Cybertron,made him amazing. Arcee became an unexpected favourite of mine after she calmedthe hell down to become hilariously awkward and matter-of-fact under the pen ofJohn Barber.

Bumblebee and Windblade have also really been growing on melately, largely through their association with Starscream, which has broughtout more and more interesting aspects of their characters. For instance, I lovethe snarky smugness Bee has around Starscream, but I love the fact that he hascome to feel seemingly genuine affection for someone he hated for so long evenmore. As for Windblade, I love how her increasing ruthlessness culminated inthat smirk of approval from Starscream as she laid out her plan to seize Carcer;I can’t get enough of utterly opposed characters who grow increasingly similar(and increasingly close) as they’re forced to work together. Honestly I ship Starscreamwith each of them more and more every time they interact.

So anyway, this has been my backstory episode.

[alexanderwrites]

Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 10

“Laura Is The One”

After the wild, nuts-to-the-wall freakout that was Part 8, Parts 9 & 10 have returned us to a more conventional mode of storytelling - it should be noted that “conventional” is used here very loosely, and that by episodic TV standards, these episodes are still pretty nuts-to-the-wall. Maybe part 8 pushed its nuts THROUGH the wall whereas 9 & 10 just gently press the nuts up against the wall. Maybe I should drop this analogy altogether and get into what was a slow, ruminative but intensely powerful hour of TV. (Also - I didn’t do a write up last week because i’m stupid and forgot).

. The violence against women in this episode can’t be ignored. It’s right there, front and centre. We start with Horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE Richard Horne being his horrible self and killing (or at least brutally attacking, she seemed to still be breathing) a witness to his earlier hit and run, before we move on to Amanda Seyfried’s Becky, who is viciously attacked by her ALSO HORRIBLE boyfriend. The trifecta is completed when Richard heads to his Grandma’s for a vicious, intrusive robbery. There is commentary on violence towards women here: when Robert Knepper’s Rodney is accidentally swatted in the face by Candie, it leaves a small mark, but no harm is really done. She is beside herself the rest of the scene, wailing and crying and overridden with guilt and fear. She feels genuine sorrow - contrast this with Richard’s nonchalance towards his violence against women and we start to get a look at how disparately different victims of violence are treated. 

The violence on display is as much about our perception of gender roles and their function within narratives as it is about highlighting how HORRIBLE these characters are. Having said that, it would be nice to see more female characters with a little more agency in the foreground. I do wish we had some more diversity when it came to leading women in the show (not to mention the almost non-existence of women of colour in the show) to counter-balance the violence against them. I believe the characters ARE there, but due to the unimaginably huge roster of characters, a lot of them are shuffled to the back. It’s a shame because you know what? I could watch an entire hour of Jane Adams’ Constance. She’s such a charmingly funny and unique character, and every time she turns up I hope she’ll get more than a few lines. Diane is similarly fascinating, but because of the narrative structure (and this and last week’s revelations), she’s being kept at arm’s length. A great character again, but I hope she isn’t absent in future episodes like she was tonight. Luckily we have Janey-E (Naomi Watts is just the greatest of all time and I won’t hear any arguments against it) as a prominent character, and she is a fascinatingly complex one, as she swings from being weirdly performative to achingly sincere. It’s easy to list a whole bunch of other great female characters, but I suppose what I wish is that they were more central to the plot in a positive way. Twin Peaks couldn’t be Twin Peaks without violence. It’s one of the things that the show is fundamentally about, and furthermore, how we react to, or DON’T react to that violence. But I don’t know that we need three scenes of it in one episode to highlight that. Then again, discomfort was probably the intent. We’re meant to feel like something deeply wrong is happening, and if that’s the intention then this episode succeeded. 

. I talked about that more than I expected, so moving on! Nadine got the moment of the night for me when her Silent Drape Runner store was revealed. Get it, girl!! I adore Nadine, the absolute weirdo. I dearly, dearly hope we get more of her over the next 8 episodes. It’s almost impossible to see how she could tie in to the central story which is a shame because she’s one of the most fun people to watch on the show. 

. The scenes with Cooper were a mix of hilarious and tragic, as they tend to be. It is both understandable and unfathomable how Janey-E could find him attractive - on the one hand, the doctor’s scene reveals how scarily in shape he is. No one’s blaming her for checking him out. On the other hand....come on. You’re attracted to the guy who drinks coffee like it’s a sippy cup of ribena? It’s a funny notion, but also a little sad because it makes you realise how starved for warmth and affection she probably is, as anyone would be. Him, too. Their sex scene is initially pretty funny because of Kyle Maclachlan’s fucking expressions (literally). Man, he has proven himself to have adept comic skills this year - as well as pretty much every other acting skill known to the profession. But as they lie together afterwards, it feels poignant again. It’s another reminder of how close yet far away our Coop is, and as much as I want him to find himself, I want Janey-E to be happy and find herself, too. She’s been put through some shit, having unwittingly married a non-human doppelganger manufactured by an evil entity who has escaped from another dimension. That’s a lot for one person. Plus she’s named Janey-E. How unlucky can one person be?

. I sort of liked the stuff with Jim Belushi and Robert Knepper. They give a couple of very intense and solid performances, but the problem for me was that it’s another complex storyline being introduced so deep into the series. If it’s one that lasts a few episodes - fine. But i’d almost like to see their part wrapped up - or advanced dramatically - by next week, mainly because there are more interesting threads the one these two linger on. I want more Doppelcoop. I want the Bookhouse Boys heading to the black lodge. I want more Patrick Fischler rather than the guys he gives orders to. It’s hard to judge from episode to episode which assortment of characters you’ll get, and it’s starting to feel like this series’ logline should’ve adapted an existing catchphrase: “Twin Peaks is like a box of Gormonbozias: You never know what creamed corn nightmare you’re gonna get”. I personally am happy with whatever assortment we get, but getting Belushi and Knepper’s characters is like getting a pretty nice plain milk chocolate when I could be getting a delicious hazelnut deluxe. It’s not bad at all, just...perfectly fine. 

. When it comes to Diane and her relationship with Doppelcoop, i’m utterly intrigued and utterly uninterested in guessing where it’ll go. There will be a million theories floating out there about how and why they’re in contact, but i’d rather just watch the story play out rather than guess ahead. It’s a very cool development though, and Cole’s vision of Laura at the door was completely disarming and haunting. Again, I don’t really want to guess ahead at how Laura will play into the following episodes, but we know she will. That’s enough for me. I’ve been browsing the Twin Peaks reddit lately (I know...I know) and i’ve gotta admit i’m waring very thin from it. Not EVERYTHING is a thing, guys. I’m beginning to think all the fan theories are detracting from the story, when really i’d rather just experience the ride. We can’t outsmart Frost and Lynch and they’ll tell us what they want and in the manner they want to. And anyway, more interesting than a tenuous “it’s all set in another dimension and i have proof!” theory is something that put maybe the biggest smile on my face yet: ALBERT ON A DATE!!! With CONSTANCE!! How utterly delightful. I guess he’s got over his love of Harry Truman, then. 

. I really thought we were going to get Audrey this episode, as we inch closer and closer towards her through her horrible bastard son. Seeing more of Johnny this season has been a surprise, but from what happens to him tonight, not a pleasant one. It is fully heartbreaking watching him try to wriggle out of his restraints to rescue his Mum, and a pretty solid metaphor for so many of the male characters on the show: When a woman is being hurt, the men are impotent to help. For Johnny, it’s understandable that he can’t, the poor guy. But for the other men? It’s not that they can’t, it’s that they won’t. Harry Dean Stanton’s Carl plays a lovely old folk song outside his trailer, looking briefly torn up when he sees a mug go flying through a trailer window, the sound of a furious male voice growling from inside. Does he go and intervene? He doesn’t. And he’s a ‘good guy’, right? I re-watched Blue Velvet again yesterday, and was blown away by how full of shit Jeffery Beaumont’s good-guy image is. Like Carl, when he sees Dorothy’s attack, he doesn’t step in. He just watches. This seems to be a recurring theme with Lynch: those who see violence against women stand by and allow it to happen. And there ARE Carls everywhere, who’d rather say “That’s sad but not my business” than stand up and help. What happens to the Woman who witnesses evil (ie Richard’s hit and run) and tries to report it? She’s destroyed by a Man. God, it’s heartbreaking. The layers of commentary get deeper even as I write this, and I realise things about this episode I hadn’t thought of. I think part 10 is the most troubling and divisive, yet most fiercely critical yet. 

. And then, we get a surprise I truly wasn’t expecting: more of The Log Lady. Maybe the most iconic, important and wise character on the entire show, leading us onwards through the dark night. God bless the log lady, and god bless Catherine Coulson. Every word she speaks is fraught with such pain and feeling, and it’d be a fucking sin for us to not cherish every word of it. I found myself listening to her words just as Hawk does - with eyes almost closed, in utter silence, revering them and their power. At the centre of this Season, underneath it all, the real heroes are Hawk and The Log Lady. It is so nice, so utterly refreshing to have such a pure moment of goodness and beauty, and for it to be between a Woman written with true agency and a Native American Man who has risen to protect his town - two beautiful souls who are stepping in to save the day that the white dudes have repeatedly fucked right up. It’s a gorgeous scene, and it segues into a road house performance that is easily my favourite of the year so far. Rebekah Del Rio’s performance of No Stars (No surprises, it was co-written by David Lynch) is haunting and it feels like a turning point for the series - from here on in, the darkness in the woods around Twin Peaks is out in full force. Perhaps this is why the episode is so aggressive. I left this terrific episode feeling unsettled and troubled - and that’s exactly how we’re supposed to feel. There’s a bad moon rising over Twin Peaks. 

“But in these days the glow is dying. What will be in the darkness that remains?”

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

In a previous ask you listed Stefan as one of your favorite characters and I wonder what makes him one of your favorite characters? What makes your drawn to him and root for him? A lot of people say his character is boring, but I disagree, though I've only seen the first 3 seasons so I might not have right to an opinion as I haven't watched the later seasons.... but I love Stefan and I absolutely adore Paul and I think he's very good at portraying his character and the different sides of him etc

Of course you have the right to have an opinion. Even if you’d only watched one episode, you still have the right to have an opinion. I’m more than happy to share with you why I love Stefan, but a little pre-warning there will be spoilers from seasons 3-8 and also my response will be pretty hefty, which I’m sure you’ll be expecting if you’ve read any of my other responses to asks haha.

When I think about what makes Stefan one of my favourite characters there are so many reasons that I couldn’t just choose one. But a good place to start would be to say, the simplest reason is that I’m just connected to him and once you develop that connection with a character it’s hard to break it.

Other than that, the reason I love Stefan is because he’s just such a complex character. He’s actually so complex, that the writers themselves haven’t seemed to know what to do with him a points throughout the course of the show. Paul’s abilities as an actor are fantastic and the fact that he is able to so perfectly portray Stefan and the Ripper and make them feel like two separate people that are also interlinked is amazing. Honestly, I only have to see a gif and I instantly know whether Stefan has his humanity or not based on Paul’s expressions, eyes and body language. It’s really incredible how he manages to do that. And I don’t want to reveal any spoilers, but in season 5 Paul demonstrates his acting abilities even further.

It frustrates me to no end that people brand Stefan as being boring. It’s such a narrow-minded and stereotypical view of his character. I understand where it comes from since in seasons 1 and 2, he was that typical good guy, always doing the right thing. As Matt said, Stefan’s “that guy”, as in the guy that’s so perfect that everyone hates him. But I don’t understand how anyone that actually watched the show (past season 3 in particular) can have that opinion of him. The truth of the matter is that Stefan in season 1 was only half of himself, if that. He was still so caught up in the baggage of his past, so consumed with staying “clean” and managing his blood lust, of not giving into his dark urges as a vampire, that it forced him to strip himself back completely. He spoke softer, he carried himself in a particular way, he forced smiles, he tried his hardest to be an ordinary 17 year old, but in reality he was anything but. Regardless of how you look at it, a lot of the time in season 1, Stefan wasn’t himself. We got to see more of a glimpse of the other side to him towards the end, when he struggled with his blood lust after Elena gave him her blood to save him in 1x18. This is where we really saw that Stefan wasn’t “that guy” and that he was just like everybody else - he had his issues, he lost control and he wasn’t perfect. The thing that struck me the most during those episodes when Stefan was struggling with his blood lust, was that he was torn between that part of him that really just wanted to let go and drain the blood from everyone in sight and the part of him that was desperately clinging to the person he wanted to be and was deep down inside. The fact that he told Elena at the end of 1x19 how much he was struggling really highlighted that. Stefan really opened the flood gates in 1x20 when we finally learned the story of how he and Damon came to be vampires and he explained to Elena how he truly felt; the crippling guilt he carries all the time and the pain that goes along with it that was so intense that it actually made him not want to live anymore. That’s the point where we started to get a glimpse of the experiences that had led Stefan to where he was and formed the person he was. We saw that he’d done terrible things in his past and he was a monster, but the fact that he felt genuine remorse and pain for that proved he was more than that and as Elena said, he made a choice to be good and reject the person the blood made him. How can you not root for someone like that? Someone that is not naturally good, but nonetheless fights their damn hardest to be the best they can be?

What I also love about Stefan is that, as you mentioned, there are so many different sides to him. Obviously the first thing that comes to mind when I say that is Stefan and the Ripper, but it’s not limited to just that. I think perhaps a more accurate way to describe him is to say that he’s very multi-layered, rather than saying he has different sides to him. With each episode that passed I caught a glimpse of a trait of his that I’d never seen before or I learned more about his past. There’s always something new to learn about Stefan and even 8 seasons on, there still is. Whilst in the earliest episodes he came across as rather boring and lacking in personality or substance, with the appearance of Lexi in 1x08 we were opened up to a completely different side to him. Suddenly he was a really fun guy with good taste in music (Bon Jovi, duh!), that, in Lexi’s words, jumped naked into the Trevi fountain and got drunk on the torch of the statue of Liberty. We got to see him relax, loosen up and show his lighter side and we discovered that him being uptight is just because he’s not fully comfortable around people he doesn’t know too well. Is that a crime? In fact, I’d argue most people suffer from the same problem and struggle to be themselves around new people. Personally, this made Stefan very relatable and that’s one of the first steps in me connecting to a character. Stefan is also deeply sensitive, he really feels things and is affected by the pain of other people. He can’t help but get emotionally invested and involved in other people’s problems and it’s the reason why he’s always stepping in to save people and help them in anyway he can. His journal has always been his way of being able to channel those emotions and express his inner turmoil at carrying the weight of not just his own feelings, but those of the people around him and yet again, all of this is something I personally relate to, because I’m exactly the same.

I know that along with being branded as boring, Stefan has also earned the title of “good guy”, which is kind of directly tied to being boring. That guy that’s always the hero, always doing the right thing and is just and fair is generally boring because people want the anti-hero, the villain that they can root for to earn their redemption. The thing is, calling Stefan the good guy is as narrow minded as calling him boring, because he is certainly not the good guy. He has maimed, tortured, killed and feasted upon countless of innocent people all for his own amusement and I believe there’s a deep part of Stefan that is truly evil. The proof we have of that is how drastically different Stefan is whenever he is without his humanity. With characters such as Damon and even Caroline, let’s be honest, there was barely any difference when they didn’t have there humanity and with Damon in particular, I actually couldn’t tell you at what points during the series he had his humanity and the points that he didn’t. However, when it comes to Stefan, boy, you know it. Without his humanity, he is utterly ruthless, there is no limit on what he’ll do, nothing that’s too far or too much, he just does whatever the hell he wants. His eyes, his mannerisms, his behaviour, his actions, the things he says, everything about him is different when he doesn’t have his humanity. Watching Stefan in season 3 was the first time I really took notice of him and was like, “Whoa, this guy!” Seeing that dramatic turn in his character was intriguing and honestly made me fall in love with Stefan in a completely new way. But what was fascinating about Stefan in season 3 is that no matter how far he fell into that black hole of darkness, he never stopped clinging to that humanity, deep inside himself and that is who Stefan truly is. That’s his heart and soul. The darkness in him is essentially created solely from his vampirism. That’s what’s so strange about him, too, is that I actually genuinely don’t perceive his darker side to be a part of his true self. I think that if you dig right into the center of Stefan and get to his soul, he is truly good and pure. All of his issues come from being a vampire. Think about it. As a human Stefan was pretty happy - he was the apple of his father’s eye, his mother doted on him (before she “died”), he had a good relationship with his big brother, he lived a wealthy lifestyle and when we saw flashbacks of Stefan as a human he always struck me as being pretty contented. The start of Stefan’s issues were when he accidentally killed his dad and took those first few drops of blood. From there it spiralled and once he’d made Damon turn and Damon completely turned against him, the dark side of Stefan was born. I personally have always believed that the Ripper was created because of Stefan’s issues with Damon. He lost his mother, killed his father, was responsible for Katherine’s “death” and Damon was the only person he had left in the world. All that kept him going was the thought of spending eternity with his brother and once he realised that he’d messed up and Damon hated him, it broke him. The only way he knew to deal with that pain and loneliness and devastation was to turn it off and lose himself in the blood. And those impulses have never left him, it’s become almost a learned behaviour for him now. He feels pain and his immediate reaction is to feed to numb the pain. It’s his coping mechanism. But I’d argue that unlike a lot of Stefan stans, that Stefan doesn’t have an addictive personality. If he was human or had always been human I don’t believe he would be an addict. His need for blood was created from being a vampire and the events that led to it and the consequences too. 

Another reason I love Stefan, which is actually one of the simpler ones: have you seen how he treats Elena? How he treats Caroline? How he treats Bonnie? How he treats everyone? (x) (x) Stefan is a gentleman. He’s sweet, he’s kind and he’s sincere. From the second he came onto the show in season 1 he had an overbearing desire to protect everyone. Even though it was Damon that turned Vicki, Stefan took full responsibility for her and dedicated himself to trying to help her deal with the transition, he supported Caroline through her transition and without him she really wouldn’t have made it, he forgave Katherine for the trauma she put him through for 160 years and gave her peace in her final moments, he teamed up with Rebekah and promised to help her find the cure despite her being his enemy, he saved Damon multiple times despite the fact Damon had made his life a living hell, he stepped aside from the love of his life to let his brother be happy, he forgave his mother for abandoning him and pretending to be dead for over a century. The list could continue, but the point is Stefan is a forgiving, compassionate person that constantly shows how much of a decent and strong person he is through the selflessness and mercy he shows, even to his enemies. These are the traits that make a person strong and Stefan has all of them. 

Every time I look at him, I just can’t help but wish the best for him, because he deserves it so much. I’ve seen him sacrifice so much and he’s never really got the rewards or benefits and he’s never begrudged that or even complained. He keeps trying to move forward and I also love that despite the fact that he comes across as a rather brooding and depressive character, he is actually so filled with hope. No matter what happens to him, he never gives up, he simply looks at what’s happened and finds a way to deal with it. And I hate making comparisons, but I feel it’s relevant to make this point. Unlike Damon, Stefan actually rarely (if ever) flies off the handle when he’s upset or angry (unless he has no humanity). I mean, Elena dumped him and slept with Damon within 24 hours, then they both lied to him about being together and do you know what he did? He threw a chessboard across the room. In season 5 when he was dealing with PTSD after being locked in a safe and drowning over and over for months and was still struggling to deal with his break-up with Elena, he kept it all inside and dealt with it by letting Caroline and Katherine help him. He didn’t blame anyone else or result to violent or reckless behaviour, he pushed through and attempted to deal with it in a healthy way without being a burden on anyone else. And that is who Stefan is. He never asks for anything, he never wants pity or sympathy or credit, he just does what he has to, what he’s supposed to and that’s it.

I could really go on all day about why I love Stefan, but the best way to summarise it is that he’s just a loveable character to me in every single way. He has so much to offer and despite the writers failing on knowing what to do with such a fantastic character, their poor writing still can’t take away from the complexity of his character and I really praise Paul for managing to convey that, even as the seasons have progressed. 

From the beginning the story was narrated as being Stefan’s story and he was the one that drew me in. He’s the vampire I was intrigued to know, his history was the one I watched for and his relationships and development were what I wanted to see and that has never really changed. Stefan is the heart and soul of the show (along with Elena) and it wouldn’t be the same without him. And whilst I have the chance, I want to argue the point, that although Damon has the reputation for being the funny brother, Stefan is actually very funny (x) (x). Damon might have his snappy one liners, but Stefan’s snarky comments and sass is so much more subtle, and in my opinion, funnier. Just thought I’d throw that out there as a final point haha.