#he’s so absurdly pretty
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#i’ve been waiting almost an hour for this medical appointment and my thoughts are spiralling lol#but genuinely curious about what the general consensus will be here#personally it’s got to be early tbhc or the car for me#i mean i love humbug alex#he’s so absurdly pretty#but idk#there’s something about the later eras that just really gets me#also. this is purely for fun and not to be taken seriously or as a way of objectifying him#his looks are actually my least favourite thing about him#which is not to say i don’t love how he looks because i do. i just love his mind and his creative flair and his energy so much more#(and his tendency to apologise to plush animals when he accidentally treads on them onstage 😭)#alex turner#arctic monkeys#tlsp#the last shadow puppets#polls#lulu posts
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BAND OF BROTHERS: EPISODE ONE + my favorite closeup shots
#bill guarnere#dick winters#carwood lipton#george luz#joe toye#luztoye#lewis nixon#donald hoobler#harry welsh#band of brothers#mine: gifs#did i need to include 10? no#but i love each of these and here's why#1 bc he's so absurdly cute and happy and carefree here it makes my heart melt#2 bc you can him trying so hard to keep his face neutral with sobel when he says 'what infractions sir?' and sobel says 'find some'#3 bc i could watch it all day... how does Lipton look so hot just moving his face like that???#4 bc there's no heterosexual explanation for this scene and i love these two being sexy goofballs together#5 bc it's the moment that almost single-handedly made Toye one of my earliest fave characters#6 bc that is literally Nix's expression when he sees Dick smiling tenderly at him... enough said#7 bc the early foreshadowing kills me UGHHH#8 bc he's pretty and glowing and there's that glimmer of mischief in his eyes#9 bc Harry is my most precious beloved wifeguy and goddamn what a smile#10 bc god it breaks my heart every time
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Do you understand
#butch#i just to need to get some emotions out ok#if I start thinking of some guy as butch they become insanely hot instantly#already pretty hot as a guy? becomes profusly hot so much so imaging them as a man again he seems boring#guy could be meh maybe even kinda ugly ... imagine them as butch? absurdly hot ... off the charts even#this goes for fictional and real men#Do you know how many times I've looked at a picture and went “That is the hottest butch I've ever seen” and then realize its a cis guy#and then get severely disappointed ... not that much but it's more than the average person probably#... I think this mught be lesbian behavior... me thinks
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pet peeve: when the fic has albert refer to chris as “christopher” or even “redfield” to hammer in the fact that he’s strictly anti-colloquial when there exist literal compilations of him barking “chris Chris chris.Chris cHris CHRIS chrisssssCHRRRIISSS” across each installation of the resident evil franchise
#resident evil#albert wesker#he actually refers to everyone on a pretty strict first-name basis#jill barry chris enrico etc.#it’s actually the others who refer to /him/ as just ‘wesker’#probably because referring to him as his own absurdly gothic retro grandpacore dark academia name feels too personal#you have to whisper his first name tenderly or scream it in anguish or pleasure there’s no in-between#and while chris would probs be happy to do all three#not very professional of him to do so#anyways this has been a psa: albert wesker only seems formal due to his upbringing. he’s actually pretty colloquial by outdated standards
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Okay this is actually kinda really cute
#persona#persona 5#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#goro akechi#akeshu#shuake#yeah mementos mission is pretty good its got so many charming character moments for everyone#i just love that akira is like ‘i may need a disguise…lemme just girl!!!’#and my god did he girl#id do anything for her for ms watson my queen ms watson#and i appreciate that they didnt get like. absurdly transphobic like persona usually does#like akechi laughs but its more out of surprise and delight than out of transphobia#and its just cute i am framing this on my wall 💙
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Absolutely losing it over Sasori being wrangled in by Pakkun and pals kfnfoudbdjfn
#why did they draw his face and eyes like that by the way???? why are they always drawing sasori so pretty??? WHY IS HE CANONICALLY PRETTY???#I CANT EVEN GET PAST THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF THIS MOVIE WITHOUT STOPPING EVERY 20 SECONDS CUZ IT STARTS SO ABSURDLY!!!#personal
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my outfit for if i go into ng+ with this guy.
#changing it up a bit i need the helmet for poise and it looks kind of nice but i might change it#i don’t want to just dress the exact same as the npc LOL even though all his armor boosts shit…#i liked my uh blood soaked thing but tbh it was showing both my eyes when he only has one.#sote spoilers#anyway official review of the dlc: IT WAS GREAT!!!!!!#i think the balance was fine tbh i didn’t even have max scadutree shit i had like 15 at the end and it was okay. i didn’t follow any guides#for obtaining them either.#i do this gaius specifically needs some work not because of difficulty but because pretty sure him taking 99% of my health was a bug#think*#probably similar to the old bleed dogs.#so hopefully they look at that. outside of that i know radahn was a bit much but once i started using the deflecting tear#the fight genuinely became fun to me i was having a blast and it was effective.#but it is a bit much… and it’s definitely not my favorite boss LOL he’s probably one of my least favorites out of the dlc#but still he wasn’t too absurdly difficult once i got that down but that’s such a specific set up that i do wish it was more fun for#literally any other build as well.#anyway i think a solid 8.5/10 for me! i had a lot of fun and in terms of the lore it’s don’t think it’s That bad#but that’s not really my department so#gray.txt#i’m excited to play it again and actually be able to follow npc quests as well since i kinda fucked it up this run😭
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i need to reread wof to finally figure out who my absolute favorite character is
#rave ramblees#like particularly from the first arc#I Hate All Of You#except Clay#he's a perfect boi who can do no wrong#but he's not my favoriteee#i always think i like Glory but she kinda sucks actually...she's just a pretty girl#sunny annoys me but she's so based#starflight is the one you'd THINK i'd like but honestly. eh#his character is so absurdly hard to pin down#like he's kind of introduced as an arrogant nerd emoji guy#and then he's more of an anxious wimp#and then he's just like a kind hearted nervous smart guy????#tsunami is just like. that sort of boisterous angry character i don't love#she's violent but she's not even sexy about it 😔 you should enjoy being covered in blood more smh#when it comes to the SECOND ARC THOUGH#it's the opposite problem. i can't choose a favorite because i love them all#except winter who is me fr but i just hate him#everyone shits on moon but i love her she's my everything#KINKAJOU DESERVED HER OWN BOOK#turtle is perfect. PERIL MY BELOVED. qibli is a silly guy#third arc...ehjyutjhfghjskdjf i guess i like cricket#i kinda dislike blue but his book is the best one so it gives me bias to think i like him when i don't#luna and snowfall though? i can't tell if it was because their books sucked but iiiiii don't like em#and sorry to the sundew stans but she's like tsunami to me
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palia fandom i am so sorry in advance for what i'm about to do when i get the will to draw . (Jel babygirl pose)
#blaire.txt#i want to draw like normal fanart of him too because i ADORE him. but . yea h.#i still need to play more palia and like. progress further with friendship#im still level 2 with Jel to my absolute dismay because im awful at gifting and the current thing he's asked for this week is. i dont know#where to find it . its an eyeless minnow and im not sure where to find it. rip#and romance is LEVEL 3 FRIENDSHIP AND ONWARDS ONLY </3#i am speedrunning.#ANYWAYS yes im a homosexual but jel is absurdly gendery and a very pretty man#also i love him just in general like. his whole character. appeals to me so much#the silly#also he is SO transmasc to me. and bisexual but him being at least m-spec is basically canon considering the player isn't actually gendered#which is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR#OKAY IM DONE RAMBLING but#we need more jel content .#i also want to draw Jina Hassian and Reth as well!! they are also my favorites...#Kenyatta too!!!
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MLC questions because my memory is failing me
A) Does anyone know if there was ever an in story reason given for why Di Feisheng doesn't kill women?
B) I vaguely recall seeing/hearing that Di Feisheng was also poisoned in the battle 10 years back but I can't recall where or when I did, can anyone point me in that direction?
C) I cannot for the life of me remember if we were given any information at all about the third of the Three Kings. Did I just completely blank on this or did they really give us nothing?
#mysterious lotus casebook#di feisheng#I'm like 90% sure the meta reason for A is roughly 'we need Jiao Liqiao to survive this action he would definitely have killed her for'#and honestly anything along the lines of 'he thinks women are weak' doesn't really square against the fact that he apparently had 12 women#of enough recognized and respected rank in Jinyuan that jlq decided she hated them personally for his apparent regard of them#we also see a lot of women fighters among Jinyuan ranks in the first flashback so any sort of misogyny angle doesn't really make sense?#and to be frank if dfs imposed any binary division on the population I'm pretty sure the categories would be 'fighter' and 'non fighter'#like. he's clearly aware of gender but I don't ever get the sense that it's much of a factor in how he evaluates people?#and B seems like truth because it's pretty clear that both dfs and lxy were supposed to die/vanish in that fight#sgd's entire takeover plan kinda hinged on both of them being removed from the picture and how else was he going to make sure it happened?#and given the way we see dfs heal in the show him being poisoned is also the only thing that explains why it took him 10 years to recover#he bounces back from injury absurdly fast he shoulda been out of that cave in like a month tops unless something was interfering
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#clark#sunfish#fish#mine#4/1/23#his tank looks so nasty I keep trying to make it prettier#the red algae is very perplexing no idea where it came from#that all said the cycling in his tank is immaculate the biome in there is perfect#have honestly used some of his gravel to make other tanks that were not doing so well much better#so it is less pretty but very absurdly functional and healthy for him#and that is good#I love Clark sm#showed a friend Clark the other day and now he’s been saying hi to Clark too#might honestly miss Clark the most when I leave here#if u crouch down to look at him he’ll swim over and stare at u it’s so cute#love love love clark
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(booting up a new game from hit visual novel developer VisualArts/Key) i know all their tricks by now they can’t get to me anymore im immune to this shit im immu-
#sorry just played planetarian#they got me AGAIN#i always go into these games like oh okay time to get some new music to put in my arsenal for sappy emotional stuff whatever#forgetting that my life is going to be changed in the process#i keep this edible aint shitting key games. i keep doing this hjKFDFJSKLDAdf#anyway planetarian was good. couldnt stop thinking about it so i watched the ONA and the movie too#those were pretty decent too. havent seen the little prequel they put out a year ago yet#music is insanely good of course its a key game#the art direction was really good particularly in this one too like man. every visual novel gui should look like this#its a kinetic novel but it had the most needlessly user friendly save screen on earth JKFDSHJFDKs#like a timeline for the story plus little visual indicating bookmarks showing where your save slots are in the story#kinda overkill for a kinetic novel LOL but appreciated nonetheless#daisuke ono did absurdly well as the junker. thats one thing about key they usually get really good voice actors even for their MCs#the softening of his voice over the course of the game as he became friends with yumemi destroyed me
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Just the tip (Day 3/8 of 10k followers event)
Minotaur x fem!reader || size kink, soft (but filthy) sex, dirty talk, breeding, oral sex
You are quietly walking through the supermarket one day when you have to climb a shelf because you can’t reach the fucking cereals you want. You are pushing your body up when you slip and brace yourself for impact. But the impact never comes. You feel strong big arms around you and when you look up you are staring into the eyes of the biggest minotaur you’ve ever seen.
From that point on, you see him every time you go to the supermarket, it’s like magic. You are going grocery shopping? He’s walking the aisle like he’s there just for you. Days pass and you can’t stop thinking about how wonderful he is, how pretty… and how fucking big. He insists on helping you get everything from the top shelf, you aren’t exactly little, but he’s so tall and broad and fucking magnificent… You agree. And just like that, you have a new grocery shopping friend.
Your friendship develops from there, you gave him your phone, he texts you when he’s going shopping, you met there. Sometimes you go out for coffee after, sometimes he insists on following you home and helping you put the groceries away… You never thought it was wrong because if felt completely fine, it felt natural and amazing to trust him, to feel cared for. And you think you might be in love.
When he finally asks you out, you say “yes” so fast he starts laughing as you blush like a teenager. He embraces you human body against his big minotaur one and lifts you up, burying his big head in your neck as you grab his horns. The sinful groan he lets out makes you whimper in need, and just like that, you two are horny as fuck and it’s like something broke inside you. A new kind of need awakening.
You go on a date that feels like the longest foreplay you’ve ever felt. The date is fucking fantastic, you two fitting better than puzzle pieces, and you can’t stop thinking how much you want to suck his cock. If he’s somewhat proportionate, he must be huge, and that thought plagues your brain every time you look at him. But you don’t say nothing that day.
You continue dating and going groceries together, and after a month of constant turn-on state, you are casually hanging out in your kitchen putting the groceries away as he sits and looks at you while you two talk.
“What?” He asks when he catches you staring at him for the hundredth time, a big smile in his pretty face. He’s so cute you want to hit him, sometimes. You can’t deal with such adorable being.
You look at him, feeling your cheeks getting hot already. “I- Nothing,” you say, embarrassed to admit you were thinking about his dick, once again. You are in a constant state of sexual frustration since you started dating. You thought it would be more sex and less cuteness, and you aren’t mad about it being cute, but dang, you want his cock so deeply inside of you, you could feel him for days after.
He smirks, grabbing a grape out of the bag and chewing it slowly. “Come on, don’t be shy, tell me.” His absurdly hot face and body look so tantalizing and you feel so ready to climb him like a tree every time you get close to him...
“I- I lowkey… Never mind, it’s too embarrassing.” You look down as you take some more groceries and store them in the cupboard. You hear him getting up and getting closer to you, his heat behind you making you melt against his chest. His strong arms coming around you as you sigh, happily. He turns you around and pecks at your lips, his big eyes making pleading as he says nothing. “Okay, okay, stop using those big eyes on me. I… I was thinking about your dick,” you confess, hiding your face in his chest.
He pulls his fingers under your chin and pushes your face up. He’s looking at you with such tenderness and heat in his eyes that you have to grab at his shirt harder not to fall, your knees weak under you. “Say that again?” He asks, his tone pleadingly.
“We… We’ve been seeing each other for a long time and I… I want to move things further,” you let out slowly, looking at him for any reaction. But his face is completely blank and you start doubting everything about your relationship. The voices in your head are loud as you let out a choked: “It’s okay if it’s too fast, I get it. I know. Shutting up now.” It’s been too little, he doesn’t feel the same, he’s just with you because you are exotic… Your inner monologue is filled with self-doubt.
“No. No, it’s not that,” he says, an edge of self-doubt mirroring yours. You blush hard as you look at him up and down, your brain going a mile per minute and falling into the worst possible scenarios.
“What then?” You ask, neediness bleeding into your voice. “You… You don’t find me attractive?” You finally ask, your self-esteem issues making you want to cry as he looks down at you with the most shocked expression ever.
“What?! Are you insane?!” His growl is so deep and feral that your knees turn into jelly under you.
You grab the edge of the counter not to fall. But you can’t respond with anything before he’s manhandling your body over your kitchen table and pushing all the groceries to the ground. You are about to protest when he leans over your body and starts kissing you senseless. His arms part your legs and he steps between them, his monstrous bulge fitting perfectly against your clothed pussy.
“You want this?” He says as he grinds against you. “Are you sure?” He sounds hesitant, but his dick is so hard against you that you want to scream.
“Yes. Yes. Yes,” you chant, trying to grind against him. He growls and rips your clothes off in two fast tugs, leaving you naked over the table, like a sacrifice for the minotaur. And you are more than ready to be devoured.
He pulls his fly open in one tug, probably breaking it in the process, but his movements are frantic. He pushes against you once again, his dick huge against your dripping cunt. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he grunts, his dick leaking precum. Leaking so much of it that you feel it dripping over your wet pussy, making a bigger mess. “I don’t think I would fit, you are so tiny.” He proves his point pressing a finger inside you, making you arch your back and moan loudly. He grunts as he fucks you slowly. His finger feels already so big...
“Just the tip,” you try to argue, wanting nothing more than to be fucked. You know you can take him. At least some of him, but he’s so caring and so worried about you… Always worried. You moan and try to move your hips, but his grip is non-forgiving. You can’t move even a millimeter as he rubs his tip against your wet folds around his finger still buried inside. “Please, please,” you always thought you were above begging, but today you learned a new thing about yourself.
“Just the tip?” He asks, the big head of his cock teasing your entrance. “You are so tight,” he grunts. You feel like he’s going to break you apart as he presses lightly, making you cry out. He pulls back, scared that he hurt you, but you shush him, kissing his snout and grabbing his horns. You know he loves when you play with his horns, he told you how sensitive they were.
“Just the tip,” you repeat. You are already feeling needy and desperate, wanting nothing more but for him to fuck you into oblivion, even if that means you’d be impaled by a giant dick.
“You are soaking,” he groans as he gets in position, making you hot all over. The sounds he makes are so erotic you can’t stop moaning in response.
He starts pushing inside millimeter by millimeter and you feel like your body is being torn. He’s so big, so massive inside of you. You don’t know if you can take him. You don’t know if the tip was already too much for your poor human pussy.
“You feel amazing, such a good little human for me.” He keeps going, shushing your whimpers and telling you how good you feel, how pretty you look stretched around him. “Your pussy is so good, you feel so tight around me. Your pussy feels amazing, best pussy I’ve ever tried, I’m not gonna give you up for anything in the world. You are MINE.” With a roar he pushes a bit deeper, making you cry out.
After that it’s like a switch turns off inside him. Before you realize, he’s slipped a bit more inside. And a bit more. And he’s halfway there when he starts to fuck you in earnest, losing complete control of himself because of how good you feel. You start chanting his name as he keeps hitting deep inside of you. Too much, too deep, but so, so good you can’t stop the tears from falling freely.
He fucks you like a piston, so lost in the pleasure of your body that you can’t even think straight as he goes and goes and goes. You don’t know where his body starts and yours ends. You don’t know what day it is or what’s your own name. You just know his dick pushing far and deep inside of you, harder and harder with each thrust. It’s maddening.
���I’m gonna breed you,” he starts. You groan in response, the idea of being filled to the brim making you hotter than expected. And he keeps going, “I’m gonna come so far inside of you, you are gonna feel me inside for days.” You groan again, rocking your hips against him. “Rub your pretty clit for me, fall apart around my dick, let me feel your pussy milking me.” You scream at his words, overwhelmed.
You obey, rubbing your clit as he fucks you furiously on the table, the wood underneath you creaking under the force of his thrusts. It takes you less than two seconds to come around his shaft, only halfway in, but bigger than anything you’ve ever tried.
“Just like that, yes. Yes. Good little human.” He starts babbling nonsense as he fucks you though your orgasm.
When you are coming down from the extracorporeal experience that is an orgasm with him, you feel the first shoot of his come inside of you. He comes, and comes, and comes a bit more. You feel some come leaking around his dick, you feel so full you don’t know what to do but squirm under him. The movement just makes everything move and you groan, clenching around him as he grunts.
He pulls out after what feels like an eternity hugging each other, your pussy feels raw and abused. You whimper when he touches you, so tender and fucked out, but he doesn’t really care, a dazed look in his eyes as he looks at your leaking pussy. You push your body up on your elbows, looking down at him as he kneels on the floor, between your legs. He launches at your pussy, eating you out until he deems you are clean enough. You come three times before he’s done.
And then he takes you to bed and does it all over again.
#minotaur#minotaur x human#minotaur x reader#minotaur x you#fem!reader#monster#monster fucker#monster imagine#monster x human#teratophillia#monster x reader#terato#monster boyfriend#monster love#monster fuqqer#monster kink#monster lover#monster romance#monster smut#monster x you#monsterfucker#monsterfucking nsft
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He was probably that rude because he was raised/ his life experience taught him to be snobbish & distant with the (countryside) lower class (especially since it isn‘t the case that he refused to ask Lizzy & then happily danced with every other lady he could)
This one made me laugh for a second. This meme is obviously depicting Darcy. He soon realizes that he in fact does find Elizabeth attractive enough to fall in love with her. In light of this meme, and with Wednesday being focused on Darcy, I have decided to do a quick character analysis on Darcy.
I do not fault Elizabeth for forming the opinion she did early on in the book. Darcy essentially calls her ugly, and continues to seemingly look at her with hatred. Little does she know, it is actually with love. Darcy has a strange way of showing this love, and Elizabeth obviously thinks so to. This is evidenced by the proposal. Elizabeth clearly thought that the proposal was completely out of left field, as she is left in disbelief. However, it does show a change in Darcy, as the reader is likely to have formed a similar opinion of him from earlier. It seemingly plants a seed in my mind as a reader that maybe he is not such a bad guy. When I read the proposal passage, my first thought was that it was much better than Mr. Collin's proposal. Even though he did propose in such a condescending way, he did it out of love, while Collin's was simply a matter of convenience.
After the proposal was my favorite part of the book. Watching Elizabeth slowly realize that Darcy is a good man is very interesting (whether she really wants him or his estate is another question). As we discussed in class, the parallels between her visiting the house and her meeting Darcy are very thought consuming. I think what really helped to change her mind was the passage where the housekeeper vouches for Darcy. She said she has worked in the estate since she Darcy was little, and said that he has never said an unkind word to her, even as a kid.
My opinion of Darcy has completely changed. I now see him as a good man, but I do wonder what motivated him to say those harsh things at the ball. If he really is such a good man, why would he say that?
I am very much enjoying this part of the book.
#imo the rude comments at the ball (‚not handsome enough to tempt me‘) are mosty from a bad experience with young single ladies & their moms#the very same moms whose immediate thought when a new & rich man moves to the neighbourhood is that he must want to get a wife#and that their baby is just the woman for him#so poor introverted single Darcy with his 10k income would be swarmed 24/7 by women *beneath his station* only being after his money#(apparently Darcy‘s 10k pa would be 16 millions today so…)#and women (who had no real money of their own) would habe been after him even if they were ‚equal‘#(gentlemen‘s daughters / of noble birth + absurdly rich)#And in commes Lizzy Bennet ‚ unmaried daughter of a relatively poor gentleman (2k pa) and part of lowly ‚ rude country society#with a mother pretty much trying to pawn off her daughters to the richest rando she can lay her eyes on#idk if he actually thought she was too ugly or if he saw her‚ fell in love#and immediately had to repair his cool mysterious guy drawing room cred by calling her ugly#or if he was just genuinely put off by such a ‚countryside social climber‘ as he thought she was#jane austen#pride and prejudice#(alternatively he was cranky and needed his juice box + favourite plushie + silence & got bitchy)
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Tesla's Dieselgate
Elon Musk lies a lot. He lies about being a “utopian socialist.” He lies about being a “free speech absolutist.” He lies about which companies he founded:
https://www.businessinsider.com/tesla-cofounder-martin-eberhard-interview-history-elon-musk-ev-market-2023-2 He lies about being the “chief engineer” of those companies:
https://www.quora.com/Was-Elon-Musk-the-actual-engineer-behind-SpaceX-and-Tesla
He lies about really stupid stuff, like claiming that comsats that share the same spectrum will deliver steady broadband speeds as they add more users who each get a narrower slice of that spectrum:
https://www.eff.org/wp/case-fiber-home-today-why-fiber-superior-medium-21st-century-broadband
The fundamental laws of physics don’t care about this bullshit, but people do. The comsat lie convinced a bunch of people that pulling fiber to all our homes is literally impossible — as though the electrical and phone lines that come to our homes now were installed by an ancient, lost civilization. Pulling new cabling isn’t a mysterious art, like embalming pharaohs. We do it all the time. One of the poorest places in America installed universal fiber with a mule named “Ole Bub”:
https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/the-one-traffic-light-town-with-some-of-the-fastest-internet-in-the-us
Previous tech barons had “reality distortion fields,” but Musk just blithely contradicts himself and pretends he isn’t doing so, like a budget Steve Jobs. There’s an entire site devoted to cataloging Musk’s public lies:
https://elonmusk.today/
But while Musk lacks the charm of earlier Silicon Valley grifters, he’s much better than they ever were at running a long con. For years, he’s been promising “full self driving…next year.”
https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/09/herbies-revenge/#100-billion-here-100-billion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money
He’s hasn’t delivered, but he keeps claiming he has, making Teslas some of the deadliest cars on the road:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/06/10/tesla-autopilot-crashes-elon-musk/
Tesla is a giant shell-game masquerading as a car company. The important thing about Tesla isn’t its cars, it’s Tesla’s business arrangement, the Tesla-Financial Complex:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/11/24/no-puedo-pagar-no-pagara/#Rat
Once you start unpacking Tesla’s balance sheets, you start to realize how much the company depends on government subsidies and tax-breaks, combined with selling carbon credits that make huge, planet-destroying SUVs possible, under the pretense that this is somehow good for the environment:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/14/for-sale-green-indulgences/#killer-analogy
But even with all those financial shenanigans, Tesla’s got an absurdly high valuation, soaring at times to 1600x its profitability:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/15/hoover-calling/#intangibles
That valuation represents a bet on Tesla’s ability to extract ever-higher rents from its customers. Take Tesla’s batteries: you pay for the battery when you buy your car, but you don’t own that battery. You have to rent the right to use its full capacity, with Tesla reserving the right to reduce how far you go on a charge based on your willingness to pay:
https://memex.craphound.com/2017/09/10/teslas-demon-haunted-cars-in-irmas-path-get-a-temporary-battery-life-boost/
That’s just one of the many rent-a-features that Tesla drivers have to shell out for. You don’t own your car at all: when you sell it as a used vehicle, Tesla strips out these features you paid for and makes the next driver pay again, reducing the value of your used car and transfering it to Tesla’s shareholders:
https://www.theverge.com/2020/2/6/21127243/tesla-model-s-autopilot-disabled-remotely-used-car-update
To maintain this rent-extraction racket, Tesla uses DRM that makes it a felony to alter your own car’s software without Tesla’s permission. This is the root of all autoenshittification:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon
This is technofeudalism. Whereas capitalists seek profits (income from selling things), feudalists seek rents (income from owning the things other people use). If Telsa were a capitalist enterprise, then entrepreneurs could enter the market and sell mods that let you unlock the functionality in your own car:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/11/1-in-3/#boost-50
But because Tesla is a feudal enterprise, capitalists must first secure permission from the fief, Elon Musk, who decides which companies are allowed to compete with him, and how.
Once a company owns the right to decide which software you can run, there’s no limit to the ways it can extract rent from you. Blocking you from changing your device’s software lets a company run overt scams on you. For example, they can block you from getting your car independently repaired with third-party parts.
But they can also screw you in sneaky ways. Once a device has DRM on it, Section 1201 of the DMCA makes it a felony to bypass that DRM, even for legitimate purposes. That means that your DRM-locked device can spy on you, and because no one is allowed to explore how that surveillance works, the manufacturer can be incredibly sloppy with all the personal info they gather:
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/29/tesla-model-3-keeps-data-like-crash-videos-location-phone-contacts.html
All kinds of hidden anti-features can lurk in your DRM-locked car, protected from discovery, analysis and criticism by the illegality of bypassing the DRM. For example, Teslas have a hidden feature that lets them lock out their owners and summon a repo man to drive them away if you have a dispute about a late payment:
https://tiremeetsroad.com/2021/03/18/tesla-allegedly-remotely-unlocks-model-3-owners-car-uses-smart-summon-to-help-repo-agent/
DRM is a gun on the mantlepiece in Act I, and by Act III, it goes off, revealing some kind of ugly and often dangerous scam. Remember Dieselgate? Volkswagen created a line of demon-haunted cars: if they thought they were being scrutinized (by regulators measuring their emissions), they switched into a mode that traded performance for low emissions. But when they believed themselves to be unobserved, they reversed this, emitting deadly levels of NOX but delivering superior mileage.
The conversion of the VW diesel fleet into mobile gas-chambers wouldn’t have been possible without DRM. DRM adds a layer of serious criminal jeopardy to anyone attempting to reverse-engineer and study any device, from a phone to a car. DRM let Apple claim to be a champion of its users’ privacy even as it spied on them from asshole to appetite:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar
Now, Tesla is having its own Dieselgate scandal. A stunning investigation by Steve Stecklow and Norihiko Shirouzu for Reuters reveals how Tesla was able to create its own demon-haunted car, which systematically deceived drivers about its driving range, and the increasingly desperate measures the company turned to as customers discovered the ruse:
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/tesla-batteries-range/
The root of the deception is very simple: Tesla mis-sells its cars by falsely claiming ranges that those cars can’t attain. Every person who ever bought a Tesla was defrauded.
But this fraud would be easy to detect. If you bought a Tesla rated for 353 miles on a charge, but the dashboard range predictor told you that your fully charged car could only go 150 miles, you’d immediately figure something was up. So your Telsa tells another lie: the range predictor tells you that you can go 353 miles.
But again, if the car continued to tell you it has 203 miles of range when it was about to run out of charge, you’d figure something was up pretty quick — like, the first time your car ran out of battery while the dashboard cheerily informed you that you had 203 miles of range left.
So Teslas tell a third lie: when the battery charge reached about 50%, the fake range is replaced with the real one. That way, drivers aren’t getting mass-stranded by the roadside, and the scam can continue.
But there’s a new problem: drivers whose cars are rated for 353 miles but can’t go anything like that far on a full charge naturally assume that something is wrong with their cars, so they start calling Tesla service and asking to have the car checked over.
This creates a problem for Tesla: those service calls can cost the company $1,000, and of course, there’s nothing wrong with the car. It’s performing exactly as designed. So Tesla created its boldest fraud yet: a boiler-room full of anti-salespeople charged with convincing people that their cars weren’t broken.
This new unit — the “diversion team” — was headquartered in a Nevada satellite office, which was equipped with a metal xylophone that would be rung in triumph every time a Tesla owner was successfully conned into thinking that their car wasn’t defrauding them.
When a Tesla owner called this boiler room, the diverter would run remote diagnostics on their car, then pronounce it fine, and chide the driver for having energy-hungry driving habits (shades of Steve Jobs’s “You’re holding it wrong”):
https://www.wired.com/2010/06/iphone-4-holding-it-wrong/
The drivers who called the Diversion Team weren’t just lied to, they were also punished. The Tesla app was silently altered so that anyone who filed a complaint about their car’s range was no longer able to book a service appointment for any reason. If their car malfunctioned, they’d have to request a callback, which could take several days.
Meanwhile, the diverters on the diversion team were instructed not to inform drivers if the remote diagnostics they performed detected any other defects in the cars.
The diversion team had a 750 complaint/week quota: to juke this stat, diverters would close the case for any driver who failed to answer the phone when they were eventually called back. The center received 2,000+ calls every week. Diverters were ordered to keep calls to five minutes or less.
Eventually, diverters were ordered to cease performing any remote diagnostics on drivers’ cars: a source told Reuters that “Thousands of customers were told there is nothing wrong with their car” without any diagnostics being performed.
Predicting EV range is an inexact science as many factors can affect battery life, notably whether a journey is uphill or downhill. Every EV automaker has to come up with a figure that represents some kind of best guess under a mix of conditions. But while other manufacturers err on the side of caution, Tesla has the most inaccurate mileage estimates in the industry, double the industry average.
Other countries’ regulators have taken note. In Korea, Tesla was fined millions and Elon Musk was personally required to state that he had deceived Tesla buyers. The Korean regulator found that the true range of Teslas under normal winter conditions was less than half of the claimed range.
Now, many companies have been run by malignant narcissists who lied compulsively — think of Thomas Edison, archnemesis of Nikola Tesla himself. The difference here isn’t merely that Musk is a deeply unfit monster of a human being — but rather, that DRM allows him to defraud his customers behind a state-enforced opaque veil. The digital computers at the heart of a Tesla aren’t just demons haunting the car, changing its performance based on whether it believes it is being observed — they also allow Musk to invoke the power of the US government to felonize anyone who tries to peer into the black box where he commits his frauds.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world
This Sunday (July 30) at 1530h, I’m appearing on a panel at Midsummer Scream in Long Beach, CA, to discuss the wonderful, award-winning “Ghost Post” Haunted Mansion project I worked on for Disney Imagineering.
Image ID [A scene out of an 11th century tome on demon-summoning called 'Compendium rarissimum totius Artis Magicae sistematisatae per celeberrimos Artis hujus Magistros. Anno 1057. Noli me tangere.' It depicts a demon tormenting two unlucky would-be demon-summoners who have dug up a grave in a graveyard. One summoner is held aloft by his hair, screaming; the other screams from inside the grave he is digging up. The scene has been altered to remove the demon's prominent, urinating penis, to add in a Tesla supercharger, and a red Tesla Model S nosing into the scene.]
Image: Steve Jurvetson (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tesla_Model_S_Indoors.jpg
CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en
#pluralistic#steve stecklow#autoenshittification#norihiko shirouzu#reuters#you're holding it wrong#r2r#right to repair#range rage#range anxiety#grifters#demon-haunted world#drm#tpms#1201#dmca 1201#tesla#evs#electric vehicles#ftc act section 5#unfair and deceptive practices#automotive#enshittification#elon musk
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The Ogre Prince of Breakbend Isle
Male Ogre Yandere x Feminized Male Reader
CW: Noncon, drugging, aphrodisiacs, aphrodisiac cum, kidnapping, voyeurism, masturbation, big musky ogre cock, cockwarming, somnophilia, multiple orgasms, feminized reader, belly bulge from absurdly huge dick, belly bulge from absurdly large amounts of ogre cum, sweet yandere, general yandere behavior
Word Count: 1.4k
(Started writing this last night before the cat thing, then worked more on it until 5am, then finished it up this evening. REALLY hope you all like it, pretty please comment <3)
Breakbend Isle. Not a place any human should ever be. It was a medium-sized island filled with ogre villages. Yet you were there. A storm had taken your tiny fishing ship and washed you up there. The boat had broken hopelessly too.
You were stranded in dangerous territory. The ogres had a reputation for being brutal and violent towards trespassers, as none who had set foot there had ever returned.
And you were no exception. Despite your best efforts, your cooking fire was sniffed out miles away by Rahtrig the Wrathful. Prince to the leading ogres of Breakbend Isle, son of a the fiercest ogre warlord in human history. He took after his father, over 7ft tall and all muscle.
He had been hunting for deer but found something far more appetizing for a completely different type of hunger.
Instead of just walking up and snatching you, he was captivated and wanted to just… watch. You were so pretty. Most ogres found humans to be exceedingly beautiful. No matter the human's gender they made cute little wives.
Their delicate hands and tongues could greatly pleasure an ogre's prick or massage his big nuts. Rahtrig rubbed his aching crotch in anticipation.
The ogre prince watched you as you ate some fish you had caught. Your tiny little meal that you ate with your delicate little mouth. Then he stared as you disrobed and got into the nearby stream to bathe.
Rahtrig stared in rapt attention at your form. Your perfect small human cock was just so cute. He'd definitely let you grind your cock on his big tongue and let you spill your seed on it.
He started stroking himself as he watched and fantasized about all the amazing things the two of you could do together. He came quickly, spilling thick cum all over the ground.
The ogre had to stifle a moan. He wasn't yet ready to steal you away. Instead, he continued to spy on you until you went to sleep on a pile of leaves with only a jacket to cover you.
Rahtrig crept closer and gazed upon the serenity of your sleeping face bathed in the soft moonlight. Then he imagined more domestic and romantic things for the two of you.
Having you sleep with your head nestled on his huge pecs, lightly drooling on him because of how safe and comfortable you feel. Coming home to you after a long day of hunting or patrol. Maybe even adopting an orphan ogre child and raising it as your own together.
You awoke to find yourself carried over the shoulder of a massive ogre. He stroked your back to comfort you while you cried, kicked, and struggled.
"Shhh, my small flower, would never hurt you. I'm your husband, Rahtrig!"
Did you hear that correctly?
"What? No! You're not m-"
He chuckled loudly, cutting you off. As if the notion that he wasn't your partner was genuinely hilarious.
"Will feel lots better once we get you on my dick. Will be all you want for days~"
His promise to fuck you until you were a babbling cock addicted mess did nothing to calm you down. His deep, rumbling voice didn't exactly help soothe you either.
You continued kicking and screaming the entire way until you were just too exhausted to continue.
When he got into the walls of his village, every ogre that happened to see what he was carrying congratulated the both of you on your upcoming marriage. You saw that there were more than a few humans that averted their gaze as Rahtrig passed by with you. Some of them were accompanied by half-ogre offspring.
The ogre holding you saw you staring at the humans and their children.
"You can't get pregnant; it's fine. We'll adopt!"
Your mind swirled with the image of an ogre child much larger and stronger than you running to you and hugging you half to death. And how would you deal with a rebellious teenager that could kill you with one smack? You barely even noticed when he opened the door to a large ogre hut and stepped inside.
Rahtrig sat you down on the bed. You shook in fear as he started a fire. After that, he lit a few candles around the room. With the hut illuminated, you could see your surroundings clearly.
It was all one room; on this side was a bed and some furniture, and on the other there was a kitchen and eating area. Dried herbs hung from the ceiling, as well as strings of small bones. The heads of various frightening beasts were mounted upon the walls.
You wondered if any of those bones were human and had never wanted to bolt more. But you were in a close walled ogre village, there was really nowhere to run.
With his task of lighting the place done, he turned his attention to you. Much to your dismay.
He took off his large fur loincloth and belt. They were all he was wearing, given the warm climate and the fact that he had only been on a hunt.
His massive cock sprung free; it was far thicker than your arm and least three feet long, uncut and dripping with precum. It was a slightly darker shade of steel grey than the rest of his body. The musk hit you from several feet away, a heady and manly scent, not exactly unpleasant.
He grabbed a vial of liquid before walking closer.
His balls swung heavily beneath him as he got onto the bed with you, ready to empty their contents deeply into your soft ass.
You cowered and shrank against the wall that the bed was situated beside. Rahtrig could smell your fear. It was unpleasant. You were so obviously stricken with terror.
That wouldn't do at all. That's the scent you want on prey. Or an enemy you were about to strike down in combat. Not on your pretty bride.
"Calm down, princess; this'll help. Would never hurt you."
Undeterred by your kicks and protests, the ogre prince pulled you over to him carefully and flipped you over on your belly.
Rahtrig opened the vial and slowly poured all the contents directly on your hole, making sure to massage it in as well as possible. You gradually calmed down as it took effect, though you were still quite scared that his cock would simply split you in two.
When he lined up with your hole and sunk into you, though, all remaining anxiety and fear melted away before the pure bliss you felt.
"Wh-what was in that?"
"Magic potion. Makes humans relax. Also makes em stretchy to take ogre cock."
You only responded by moaning lewdly and pushing your ass back and forth on his dick. Impaling yourself down to the base and creating a perfect stretched outline of his prick in your tummy.
Rahtrig licked and nipped at your sensitive neck as he thrust slowly. He continued at that leisurely pace until you whimpered for him to go faster. He smirked. He knew once you had been lubed up and then filled with ogre precum that you'd be addicted. Both were potent aphrodisiacs, as was his actual cum.
He pulled out of you and moved you over while he got situated in the bed, lying on his back.
The ogre situated you on his dick and let you ride him at your own pace.
After over an hour of riding him, you had cum several times but were still gripped with arousal. He had cum a few times too; your belly distended with cum that slowly leaked out of you and dripped down his shaft and nuts.
You started crying because you needed more but were just too tired.
Rahtrig wiped away your tears and let you lay on top of him and go gently to sleep as he kept his cock in you to fuck you to sleep.
Eventually his cum and the lube from the vial would wear off, though that could take days. You'd always crave his dick, though, no matter what after the first dose. Though you may still try to resist, it could take a while for you to bond with him.
He was sure you'd be the perfect wife eventually, though. Even if it took a while for you to be willing. All the humans who landed on the island settled in at some point.
#yandere teratophilia#my ocs#yandere terato#yandere x reader#monster boyfriend#yandere monster#yandere boyfriend#feminized male reader#male reader#x male reader#male yandere x male reader#My OC Rahtrig
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