#he’s me bc i’m about to *redacted*
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rafe cameron 🤝 me
tweaking when our parents are emotionally unavailable even at our big ages
#he’s me bc i’m about to *redacted*#yay relapse#/j#no barry to supervise me but also make it worse god gives and he takes away#gladiatorz.com
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“Why’s he call you Darlin’?”
on my knees begging my brain to stop trying to associate this song with Sam
#(it’s too late guys i’ve already added it to a couple playlists. i can’t help it)#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted sam#redacted darlin#rp audio stuff#Seven’s Blorbo Songs#music stuff#i fell down a rabbit hole of music videos on YT last night and decided to give this song a chance based on the title obviously#skipped through all the exposition just to quickly find out if i liked the song or not#and as soon as the first line came in i went head-in-hands at my desk bc i just Knew it was over for me#i hate that i like it#it’s very repetitive and giving strong Modern/Mainstream Pop-Rap-Country vibes#but i’m not too proud to admit that i eat that shit up on occasion#‘You’ve been beatin’ ‘round the bush so much you’re knockin’ off the leaves.’ goes kinda hard tho i’m ngl#‘ole boy in a Ridgeline and i drive a Chevy’ would Sam be a truck elitist? hmm#i doubt it. i see him as too practical-minded to care about brand names and shit like that#like irl i think it’s very silly. and perhaps a little questionable to hate on a ‘foreign’ vehicle. but i don’t even like trucks at all so#insecure country boys and their obsession with big trucks are ruining the road for us regular people that just want a normal ass car#but i’ll stop before i go off on a rant about america’s transportation problems#anyways. i can separate reality from fiction and i love the image of Sam in a beat up beloved old truck. cliché as it may be#getting back on track. my POINT was that the song doesn’t even necessarily fit Sam’s vibes i just. can’t undo the association#been trying to think of a way for it to fit him but that would require Darlin’ to be cheating on him and i don’t like that thought#like i love some types of angst but cheating isn’t one of them#i could view it through the context of being directed at Alexis bc i already hate her lmao but once again it doesn’t fit in canon#and i don’t know how i feel about the thought that he used to call her Darlin’ too. though it’s very possible. mmm angst#not that it has to fit with canon for me to attach a song to a character. certainly not! but i need to make it work in my mind Somehow#and i can’t even come up with a good HC to make this fit. the idea of Jealous!Sam is fun in theory but idk if i’d like it practice anyways#tldr: does this really fit canon Sam? meh. Is it forever tied to him in my mind anyways due to the use of the petname Darlin’? absolutely.#anywho. one of these days i’ll open this app to do something other than vent post or yap abt rp audio blorbos. but that day is not today!
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I love and respect angsty 🍖🍃 takes, tragedy is delicious and theirs deserved more time and exploration, I want to drown myself in their tragedy and other people’s takes on it
But at the same time, when a bitch (me) starts writing them, it’s going to be as the ghostly realm’s genderfluid Gomez and Morticia Addams, SQX got punted back down to being a mortal which means they can become a ghost, the Black Water arc was not their breakup but was in fact necessary for SQX and their supreme calamity spouse to be happily married, sometimes He Xuan will be in the middle of kissing and caressing their way up SQX’s bare leg only to get yanked away by Hua Cheng kicking in the door like “YOU STILL OWE ME MONEY AND I AM INVOKING A FAVOR” while He Xuan squawks and hisses like an incredibly upset cat and SQX pouts and fumes and goes into Xie Lian’s private communication array to complain to him about his husband being an obnoxious cockblock, etc. etc. etc.
I apologize for nothing, I’m just living my 🍖🍃 truth
#kassie hush#mine: text#mine: tgcf#hua cheng is an obnoxious cockblock (affectionate)#it probably sounds like i’m joking about this but i promise i am not#catch me at shipper garbage con 2024 with my panel presentation on why shi wudu is the only villain present in the black water arc#and why he xuan should be allowed to do as many atrocities as they want#(i mean. after getting married the number basically drops to 0 bc they mostly want to [redacted] their lovely wifesband#& i respect them for that but it’s also beside the point which is that atrocities are sexy when he xuan does them)#he xuan#shi qingxuan#hua cheng#: moment killer#beefleaf
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do people know that shadow was like. intentionally trying to commit murder suicide. or is that less obvious if you’re not a sa2head (where he absolutely 100% suicidal)
#like. I’ve seen people talk about it like shadow Didn’t Know and. guys he knew lmao. he was very much attempting suicide#like is it less obvious in the movie and I’m just biased bc I’ve played 400 hours of sa2#like. shadow is DEEPLY suicidal and he still is AFTER sa2 he very blatantly suffers from depression and ptsd#there is an entire ass song that’s literally just about his ptsd and how it copes. it’s awesome crush 40 killed it btw.#sonic 3 spoilers#< I GUESS#its literally just from sa2. and like. a core part of shadow the hedgehog as a character#like him having severe ptsd and suicidal ideation is Why he’s like that. i presume everyone who likes shadow KNOWS this#glad they showed it tho. sonic adventure 2 gets wild so I knew some parts would have to be changed#ESPECIALLY after 9/11 like you can TELL it’s a game that came out a few months before#bc Significantly More Mature games were forced to cut shit SA2 fucking revels in#which makes me hopeful they’ll do [REDACTED] having like the entire fucking dsm5 and not butcher it
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anon had a much different message I’ll try to get back to But it spiraled off in my brain and I think like, a character note about the twins especially in the beginning is that they’re very uncomfortable with (if not with most loud emotions) crying. exactly like my brother and I tbr alisaie is not comfortable with it even if it sometimes happens to her without her consent, so she stuffs it behind being snappy so it’ll stop. as the story goes on she doesn’t necessarily get more comfortable with it, she just gets around people who make her feel more okay about it. alphy just seemed unused to it in general - nothing in his life has ever caused emotion like that to overwhelm either reason or ego or logic, and so it just never happened, and even when he was upset he always always distanced how he felt about things from what his role was in the real world. like as a ten year old they were doing this. after hw it kind of starts happening to him wether he wills it or no, mostly around bittersweet or moments of stress release. which rly leads me to believe in the space between arr and hw was a lot more unmentioned (or obliquely mentioned, they kinda leave it to you) awful attempts at feeling really harsh emotions by someone who’s just genuinely never done it before than we hear about directly. he’s just never cried since he was tiny, and it probably sucked. anyways alisaie understands the emotional weight of events instantly and gets to react to them even if she dislikes it later and becomes determined to fix, while alphy still retains the habit of quickly separating himself from an event until it’s like, done with and either fixed or nothing we can do, and then falls apart. they both kinda try to hide it anyways
#I’m not sure where to put these thoughts but I have them. And now you have them#ffxiv#kipspeak#I just think about them. and also the scene where the remaining braves are all encouraging and happy. ;w;#also also the scene where fourchenault (REDACTED FOR SPOILERS)#the short stories… I haven’t read them all but I read the ones about the twins. and estinien bc he’s funny#I just feel very strongly about the dichotomy of how they act vs how they feel vs how many emotions are stuffed into too small bodies#vs how mature they can actually be like a lot . Never on purpose do they do something childish except with each other. which is a shame#Because I want them to. get cat snuggled idiots#Sharlayan in general gives off a very oh you’re feeling? I thought you were working type vibe. of a city#You know who else gives me the same vibes as the twins. Krile#how many times does krile emote loudly. ok then how many times does she say I wish you didn’t see this or something#stress is constant and obvious but we are not going to see it! There’s work!!!
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/055c022b06b36dc4d00f9341e4b1f3b5/075455a0aeb32783-05/s540x810/03f65ad575d8627035a6bee1d366371365e99699.jpg)
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/10ad1e9f8710b82edce30f21336ded55/075455a0aeb32783-a4/s540x810/e2f0aab221332fae6394c81227238d6c56eb726f.jpg)
when you share a ✨shoujo moment✨
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…but he genuinely dgaf
#still amused by this moment tbhhhhhh#the differences in their expressions take me out e v e r y t i m e#the more i think about it the more im afraid of vol 3… the inevitable link back to the [redacted] anime…#everything’s going so well for chizuchan (as of ch 8… i dont want to see it change. man…)#where does she even find the time to stalk lxl and hiyori. where.#unless you’re telling me that. what. plot device concon is the one who took the photos (while ch 6-8 was going on)#and gave them to chizuchan to ✨ruin her day✨#bc. like. seriously~~~~~~~ ik chizuchan’s an unreliable narrator but isnt this a little too much that’s been left unsaid~~~?#but. hm. plot device concon could genuinely work. i think. i mean concon did somehow get a pic of aizo in public (ch2). so…#…but man~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i am sincerely hoping that renren sticks around. he’s good for chizuchan. really.#esp with their little moment in ch8— i m e a n.#…yeah. ch8 was very good for my pathetic shipper heart. i’m sorry~~~~~~~#but i think the manga should end in vol 3? i mean they’re gonna run out of kawaikutegomen lyrics to throw in as her inner monologue#they’re already at the bridge (sore ga watashiiiiiiiiii)#ehhhhhhhh~~~~~ maybe i should stop here before i spoil too much of it~~~~~ it really sucks that this manga is as underrated as it is~~~#no one ever discusses it so~~~~~~~~~ w h e r e are the other chizuren shippers out there~~~~~~~~ p l s show me a sign if you’re there!!!!!!!#chizuutan chizpost
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i truly do not believe in hating characters (they are simply fulfilling their narrative purpose, leave them alone), but i also find it fun to figure out which character i’m the most upset with in a given piece of media and i’ve found one for the show i’m watching… he’s not even top 5 in the rankings of characters who have done the worst shit but, even still, he is not forgiven and he will not see the light of heaven.
#gaslighting in media is hilarious except when it ISN’T#the show BARELY touches on this too - it’s truly soooooo unimportant#but it makes me sooooooooo upset - i just hate seeing people be taken advantage of#it’s a much more subtle form of cruelty… the lies and manipulation and making them feel like you’re the only person they can rely on#when they’re already broken and vulnerable and are easier to control#and that’s in a sense more fucked up to me than the more direct forms of cruelty that other characters engage in#that being said - i don’t actually HATE the character that does this because he is not real#but i would love to explore the fucked up elements of that dynamic more…#if only i remembered how to write his voice#he’s in the show so little i’d have to go back and rewatch like one scene lmaoooo#half-tempted to write a little fic in what i remember of his voice and then fix it later#bc i’m pretty confident that i could do the other characters’ voice#i just think it would be fun to talk about bc like.#i don’t think HE thinks he’s doing anything bad#i think there’s probably an intriguing blend of patronizing dehumanization going on there#worth thinking about… worth discussing#[REDacted]
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me grabbing eyrie and shaking them is it not enough to have gone through four ships by now. is it not enough for you funny man
#first thancred then g’raha and then zenos and now I’m still thinking about redacted#I can’t even mention and expansion or it’s gonna be so obvious#moots can stash this post in a folder and in two months I’m gonna be goofy pool#me furiously filing away things into AU’s before accepting at this point there just isn’t a canon#okay okay haurchefant doesn’t count bc I never really entertained beyond what the plot gave us#and with thancred it turned into a they had sex once or twice in ARR and it wasn’t ever a relationship#even though they did end up with a messy friendship in post HW + ShB of unresolved guilt#G’raha slipped into they worked better as friends tbh#Zenos is a can of worms of you get to au’s funny man#and I’ve been vibing a lot with the one where he dies and there’s a lot of complicated grief for eyrie#and the nebulous status of what they meant to each other#enemies or friends or kindered spirit or the hero and the villain aren’t so different#I am NOT SPEAKING redacted into the world#I’m gonna rotate it in my brain#owen talks#no consistent canon we create what brings joy in the moment#and look back at what we once created with the affection of something that once made us very happy
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idk how someone can look at the clearly gay coded “We have to turn away from our entire world and concept of good and evil because we are in love even though everyone wants us apart” aspect (nay, the entire conflict) of Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship in Good Omens and just… not see it
Especially as the author like bruh was this subconscious?? This is “Elton John has a wife” levels of denial
#michael sheen is the only one brave enough to be honest bc he is the ultimate stan#like i feel like most ppl dont care about the debate or [redacted’s] opinions but it’s still so funny to me#and they were roommates#also someone said the new scene w nekkid Gabriel mention was homophobic & ?? i don’t agree i read it as jealousy from Crowley#but it GO2 goes full queerbait i will laugh forever#we’re all just still recovering from sherlock let’s be real#anyway new season looks rad!! they are gay#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#good omens season two#ineffable husbands#michael sheen#david tennant#also who’s playing nina ‘cause she’s……….. yeah i’m pressed lol 😳#homosexuality
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the old man retires April 1 which is appropriate because he has been acting so foolish.. anyway I’m tryna get that D by April 2
#ik this bc my director called me and was like I was indirectly given permission to talk to you about some things…#so he said this#and my director was already putting in for a promotion for me#but today the old man was like well she’s the only one who can do this other thing so she should get that too#which is a bad look with being on the verge of [redacted] his [redacted]#but here we are#it would happen anyway but like can’t have ppl know I’m tryna get the D no one would ever think it didn’t overlap with this or I wasn’t try#ing to ~~seduce~~ him to get it 😬😬#my director was like man he was in a good mood today bc you know he hasn’t been on for two weeks#*in#I was like yes…. yes I know that…….#I mean it’s not good folks like I was gonna get this position anyway bc I am the person for it and my director knows that but like the old#man literally told me he had a dream about me two days ago…and stuff…. so like…#🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
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i desperately want to talk about the stt au again but i had a moment of “oh no i’m one of those people who has an underground au”. a) fuck that this is sonic fandom there is ALWAYS stupider shit out there and b) this is like. 1% underground (the existence of manic and sonia) and 33% game canon and 60% archie w movie/fleetway/whatever inspo whenever it was relevant. that is furthest from being the problem with the triple threat au. the REAL problem with the triple threat au is that it’s FUCKINH HUGE and all of rhe documentation is scattered across three discord servers two google docs and a one note folder. and shadow was stuck on the ark for fifty years bc i got three arcs in before realizing i forgot he existed and now i’m too attached to his story to introduce him sooner
#this is NOT. a criticism of underground aus i am the first in line to congratulate people salvaging that mess. i am a ninjago fan. but i am#well aware they have a connotation in some areas :(#text✨#i’m sorry shadow fans i DO have a story tell with him but he could not be further from the point. uncle chuck has more plot relevance than#he does (though that’s mostly bc shadow doesn’t show up until the scavenger hunt arc and chuck is integral to both the metal and redemption#arcs. sorry shads. technically maria is even MORE important bc she’s a key player in redemption. you win some you lose some)#it’s barely an underground au even though it started that way. the most developed characters are still knuckles and sonic and metal sonic#stt knuckles ily dearly i’m so sorry i made your life a mess. many thoughts about sonic’s three year forest disappearance after his parents#got backstoried. i think newly bebrothered tails n sonic deserve to have their first Wacky Adventure with newly [redacted for spoilers] knux#YEARS before the proper plot even starts. that’s why it took three years for sonic to finally return to quote unquote civilization. grins#this is incomprehensible no one here knows anything about this au. ask me questions about it :] i should make those ref sheets again#sonic triple threat
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WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL OF MY GUYS FIGHTING FOR MY ATTENTION RIGHT NOW
#Leorio’s fighting for it bc he wants to be at work with me#Arataka’s fighting for it bc I’m hyperfixated on a fic I’m writing about him#Phoenix is fighting for it because it’s His Day (and because of my aa hyperfixation)#[REDACTED] is fighting for it because I just fell in love today and am hit with all the Just Fell In Love Feelings#and Saitama’s fighting for it bc he feels left out#They’re battling in there
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ok. I understand the v*shwood shipping now. relationship btwn two guys for whom hope is a skill.
#uh. vague spoilers. but vash taking that shot because he couldn’t bear to let wolfwood’s efforts go to waste….#to love is to be changed. or whatever. :(#my friends DO know me when they recommend the space western about hope in the desert after you’ve lost your entire world#sw and tr*gun is the same.#not that it’s a competition but if it’s a skill. I think vash is better at hope. But wolfwood obviously wants to live way more#which is interesting.#Two guys who hate themselves & think they’re monsters but in different ways…. To be a monster because#U are not human and to be a monster because you are.#n wolfwood’s thing is he’s constantly trying to make vash more human. In a sense. Or I think he wants to firmly slot him into some category#he can understand…#when wolfwood says u look better laughing when stampede!wolfwood says u have to eat#& when wolfwood tries to get him to walk back on his ideals every single time. <== in part this is also bc/#he wants his monster hood to be justified I think…#if the killing isn’t necessary then he’s just a bad person :( (to himself)#and the way they both change each other. and their final choices. which in the end is what saves [redacted]#bytebun rambles#just completely incoherent. I’m just saying words recreationally.
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ran into my ex best friend today. so that sucked.
#like thank god we didn’t actually interact#i was at my college’s scene shop meeting with its head abt a project#and he just happened to be there#but he kept fucking looking at me#fucking infuriating#at least my friend [redacted] was there#even tho we’re at a weird place rn. some of you may have seen. the posts abt that. el oh el.#at the very least she and I aren’t fighting it’s just tense bc she’s dealing with shit and needs space#whatever I’m getting off topic#almost cried in the car on the way home but like. im fucking done crying over that friendship#even though I have to remind myself that every time I think about it I am literally done#it just sucks cause it would be so much easier if he’d been a really shitty friend. but he was BOTH a shitty friend and a really good one#and I didn’t want that friendship to end. even though looking back I think it’s probably for the best that it did#but yeah. felt like a low blow from the universe to be reminded of losing him at the same time im temporarily losing ms redacted#which is a whole other vent post that im not actually gonna make bc I talked it through pretty well with my best-best friend#honestly it was a little poetic#whatever#personal
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period suicidal plus regular old fashioned suicidal so i’m like this 👌 close to killing myself dawg lol
#i just want to talk to my bf but he’s had a shit week so I Refuse to bother him about this#he also probably won’t even get home until past fucking midnight because [redacted] has him working all the time#i keep remembering I’m alive and I just start sobbing#so cool that my bc got denied too so I get to deal with whatever fallout there is from that yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#already getting wicked acne since it was one that was supposed to help me manage that which is great because I was already feeling like a#disgusting ugly fucking pig. I’m sure the 500 new pimples on my face will really help with that#oh and we’re both sick now. hehe. haha. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! yippieeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely ever since my cat died life has just fucking sucked ass and things are constantly happening .#cat died retainer broke teeth shifted spent a week in bed puking my guts then [redacted] bleeding all month landlords annoying#thanksgiving was a nice day st least#put up all the Christmas decorations last night and stared at them and felt barely anything#this is my favorite time of the year and I genuinely just. feel nothing right now. well. nothing good at least#lol notice how I’m typing a novel about fucking nothing btw. god I wish I had more than like 3 people to talk to#whatever I’m just gonna go get high and . idk. stare at the walls.
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i love/hate the kind of guy that is obviously a player yet is sooooo charming. like it’s worse actually when you knowwww he acts flirty with every other girl in the world but he’s sooo charismatic that you really don’t care.
#this is about my coworker#you can tell every girl in the store is so into him too#but again he’s just so charming that i do not care!!#hes not even that attractive imo like he’s attractive but not THAT attractive. but he has a low voice and a flirty personality and he’s tall#so it’s like. excuse me ☝️ if you WANTED me to [REDACTED] i’d probably turn you down bc i’m a coward BUT id think about it long and hard#i MIGHT be convinced 🤷 i’d want to 🤷
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