#it’s a much more subtle form of cruelty… the lies and manipulation and making them feel like you’re the only person they can rely on

[starbuck]

i truly do not believe in hating characters (they are simply fulfilling their narrative purpose, leave them alone), but i also find it fun to figure out which character i’m the most upset with in a given piece of media and i’ve found one for the show i’m watching… he’s not even top 5 in the rankings of characters who have done the worst shit but, even still, he is not forgiven and he will not see the light of heaven.

[warsofasoiaf]

Not sure if there's enough information on this New Vegas character for an analysis, but you did ask for Honest Hearts stuff that touches on redemption, family, and growing up! Any chance you can do a character analysis of Randall Clark?-TBH

So this is actually going to be an analysis of Honest Hearts in general, touching on the themes of childhood and growing up, and Randall Clark is a great element of that, so here we go.

The primary theme of Honest Hearts is innocence, and the loss of it upon growing up, and the feeling of loss in general. All of the main characters of Honest Hearts exist in a state of innocence and must confront painful realities about themselves and the world in order to grow up. Each must contend with the illusions that they’ve placed before themselves and the painful feeling that comes with stripping them away. Zion itself is an idyllic place full of wide-eyed, innocent tribals, but it is untouched by the corruption of the wider struggle until those who intrude upon it. The Courier travels along with an innocent caravan expedition (it’s even called Happy Trails for Pete’s sake!) for a wholesome adventure and a decent paycheck, not an intense tribal struggle and a battle for Joshua Graham’s own soul.

The Sorrows and the Dead Horses are perhaps the most explicit use of this theme. Neither understood much about the ways of warfare until Joshua Graham came along to teach them, even the savage raiding White Legs weren’t much of a threat until Ulysses taught them how to use their “storm drums” which is clearly a Thompson M1A1. This is an altogether common trope of the “Noble Savage,” a frequently inaccurate and often patronizing device used in media depicting tribal peoples. That these tribes do not engage in the practices of warfare suggests an innocence, an ideal quality untouched and untainted. Similarly, their speech patterns and language are used to suggest a child-like quality, the incomplete words like “grenah” for grenades or calling the tribals who throw firebombs (Molotov cocktails) “light bringers.” Since the Sorrows were originally descended from orphaned children refugees, this sets them up for their very own coming of age novel. Despite their innocence, they are threatened by the outside world via the form of the White Legs. The White Legs themselves are children, albeit in a somewhat more negative fashion; these are people who lack even the most basic skills needed to care for themselves. Resolving the Sorrow’s quest means that they have to grow up in one fashion or another. Running away means coming to terms with the painful loss of Zion, a literal interpretation of that old saying: “you can’t go home again.” Staying and fighting means learning the ways of war that Daniel had been avoiding, becoming adults and losing the innocence of their previous existence. The Sorrows still can’t go home again; because the Sorrows themselves have changed. Like children, they learn from the adults in their lives, and so depending on the resolution, the Courier can shape the Sorrows the way a parent shapes a child. Showing cruelty leads to the children learning cruelty, the cycle of violence continuing onward. Not all parenting is positive, and including that lesson was critical for selling the theme of childhood growing into adulthood in the interactive format of video games.

The two tribal followers you have in the game both have quests that revolve around maturity and growing up. Follows-Chalk is the most basic of these, played completely straight. He begins the game as a junior scout, not trusted to scout on his own but to follow his seniors as he grows into his tribal role. His youthful curiosity leads him to want to see more of the world, just like any teenager hoping to explore the world and find adventure. Through the Courier, who provides guidance in the way of adults teaching children, Follows-Chalk will either embrace the wanderlust and see the world, or stay at home, get married, and settle into domestic life as a scout, husband, and father. Notably, Follows-Chalk is simply “never seen again” if he leaves, but that’s it as far as what you learn. Did he die five seconds after he left? Five days? Five years? Five decades? Did he see the casinos that he wanted to see? Did he find out about what deathclaws were? You don’t know, and that too is part of life. Children grow up and leave, and best friends forever might lose touch and never know what happened to their long childhood chum after the parting. That’s life though, sometimes you lose touch and never find out what happened to someone, even those you care about a great deal.

Waking Cloud is also a child, which should at first glance not work because far from being a child, she is a wife and mother of three. Yet even though she is an established adult, Waking Cloud deals with one of the biggest experiences that children must go through to become adults; the experience of losing someone you care about and confronting difficult, sad situations as they are. Difficult subjects are often masked over with comforting lies for the sake of children who either cannot comprehend a situation or if the parents wish to spare severe emotional wrangling. Waking Cloud’s husband dies before the game starts, and Daniel keeps the knowledge from Cloud because he believes it would be too painful, that the work evacuating Zion was too important. Like any father, Daniel takes it upon himself to control what his ‘child’ knows, parenting out of the belief that he knows what’s best. These lies do impair the development of the ‘child’ Waking Cloud to an adult, as if she learns that Daniel lied to her, she learns distrust and sows it against Daniel as retribution. Yet if the Courier treats Waking Cloud as an adult, Waking Cloud acts like one in return; she is angry with Daniel for what he did but ultimately forgives the transgression. She handles the situation with maturity and moves past it healthily. 

Daniel is less about childhood than he is about being a parent. He’s unsure of what exactly to do with the Sorrows, he expresses metaphorically a lot of the uncertainty that new parents feel. He wants to do what is best for the Sorrows but doesn’t know what that is, yet he has to make a choice because they’re counting on him. The Sorrows go along with the plan because they trust Daniel and look to him as their father, but Daniel ultimately is making his plans out of his best interests, not that of the Sorrows. He wants to preserve the innocence that the Sorrows possess; in that sense he is the father that wishes his kids could stay young forever. He wants them to play in Zion as Neverland and when that can’t happen, he retreats to the Grand Staircase because the hardship is worth the innocence, in his mind. Notably, Daniel always loses something in the endings. If the Sorrows fight, he feels grief as he loses his ‘children’ to adulthood, and if they flee, Daniel loses Zion itself. Either way, something magical and special, something innocent is gone forever, and Daniel suffers for it.

Joshua Graham is not a child, but he has a child’s delusions, that he has made amends from his fiery descent into the Colorado and emerged as a new man whose sins were burned away with his skin. The forgiveness of the New Caananites taught him both right and wrong lessons about redemption. The human capacity for forgiveness can be truly transformational, this is undoubtedly true, but part of the transformation has to come from within. Joshua falls back into his old habits, the White Legs are the new Blackfoots (theme naming again, sometimes things aren’t subtle) and he embraces the savagery he indulged in as the Malpais Legate. The Courier is the real adult in the room when he forces Joshua to admit that Graham was always looking for excuses to justify his behavior to hide from the fact that it was always him that did those things and he is still that man. Joshua deluded himself into thinking that he was making progress when in truth, he was simply treading water until he had the strength to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. This too is a critical part of learning to be an adult, in taking responsibility for your own actions and realizing that if there is something that you don’t like about yourself, it’s you that has to change it and that it takes both recognition of the fault and serious effort to fix it. There’s a reason that 12-step programs frequently have admission as the first step, it’s an honest and painful thing to experience but it’s one that has to be done if there’s any hope of self-improvement. 

Randall Dean Clark is a great journey that explores these themes, essentially, the Survivalist is Honest Hearts if everything was past tense. The Survivalist also acts as a synthesis of Joshua and Daniel, the two ‘adults’ of Honest Hearts before the Courier came around. Clark had a sort of innocence about him at start, always running out to Zion. A father himself, Clark lost his wife and children in the nuclear firestorm that killed so many, and was left without a purpose in life. He found it in shepherding others, looking out for them out of paternal instinct. First was the group of Mexican survivors, who he aided covertly in a traditional sense out of paternal regard and human decency. The Vault 22 survivors brought that dream to an end, however, when they killed and ate the Mexican survivors. Like the conflict the Courier finds, the idyllic splendor and peaceful living of Zion was shattered by an outside group manipulated by a corrupt, cruel entity, in this case Vault-Tec itself whose twisted social experiments form some of the most nightmarish things in the Fallout universe. Clark kills the Vault 22 survivors until they finally flee, echoing the journey of Joshua. His revulsion at his work, grim resignation that “they deserved every damn bit of it” is what Joshua believes his crusade against the White Legs is. Yet there are telling differences, Clark does not desecrate the corpses as a warning nor does he lead others into battle. He still remembers his humanity when he encounters Sylvie, despite her also coming from Vault 22. Sure enough, he bonds with her, and then tragedy strikes again, when Sylvie and her baby Michael die. He becomes depressed and suicidal, but can’t bring himself to kill himself. Yet later, he discovers more children with who would eventually become the Sorrows, and begins again like he did with the Mexican survivors so many years ago. Again like Joshua, he goes back to old habits, yet these are habits of compassion rather than cruelty. Like Daniel, Clark attempts to preserve the innocence of these children, guiding them but also ensuring that they never see him. Thus, Clark achieves a sort of divine apotheosis as “The Father in the Caves” again mirroring the Mexican survivors who attributed Clark’s helpful actions in secret to divine intervention. But like Daniel, Clark also refused to let the Sorrows grow up, and this stunted them. Their fear of caves and traps left them unprepared to defend themselves against the White Legs, even to use as defensive works against the encroaching enemy. 

These are powerful themes, one that most if not all people end up having to deal with at some point in their life, which is why using these themes right can be quite powerful. Honest Hearts stumbles at times, but the concepts were sound.

Thanks for the question, TBH.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[ameliasunshine]

Bang Bang | Amelia + Nate

Amelia’s mind was set in a deep fog, no thoughts or ideas registering aside from shaky whispers of the mantra “everything is okay,” leaving her mouth over and over. Even then, the words weren’t serving any purpose, they certainly weren’t calming her, and they weren’t at all true - nothing was okay and everything was falling apart. Amelia had feigned confidence in Nate to save face with Charlie, but deep down, she couldn’t fight the gut-wrenching feeling that he had been lying to her for a long time. The longer she sat there, staring at the grain of the wooden table, the stronger that events over the past year had begun to make sense to her through this new lens - the irritability, frequently disappearing for several minutes at a time during parties or dates, cancelling plans, the violence. A soft, yet frightened sigh left her lips at the thought. She felt trapped. She couldn’t confront him about it, or even mention Charlie coming round and scaring the absolute shit out of her - it would all lead back to Owen, and by now Amelia knew what Nate was capable of. 

She stared at the same spot on the table for several minutes more, until the sound of her phone suddenly jerked her out of the fog. Amelia looked down to see a message from Nate, asking to do something together later that night. She could picture it now, the same scenario that had already played out nearly every time over the past nine months - he would make plans for them to do something together, only for Amelia to get completely ready before he decides he’s not in the mood anymore and would rather stay in and just have sex. In a sudden moment of clarity, she pushed herself up from the table and walked upstairs to her room to change into clothes for a run. Consciously making the decision to ignore Nate’s text - which in itself was a form of confrontation in his eyes - Amelia instead turned on her music and left the house in an immediate sprint the opposite direction of Nate’s. 

Amelia allowed herself to zone out of everything other than her breathing and the music as she pushed herself to run faster and faster. She tried to ignore the buzzing of several texts followed by a handful of phone calls from Nate that followed minutes later, but finally after the tenth buzz and a sudden surge of exhaustion that finally hit her, Amelia stopped abruptly and collapsed to the ground; shaded by the isolation offered in the surrounding trees and brush as she sobbed. The phone vibrated once more and she threw it onto the ground away from her, dropping her head against her knees as the tears continued to fall. She wanted to curl into a ball on the dirt trail and escape everything around her, but she remained in the same position, crying until she felt like she had nothing left in her. Wiping profusely at her cheeks and eyes, Amelia stood once more, dusted herself off and picked up her phone before walking back to her house.

Her emptiness didn’t last long as she turned onto her street and saw the outline of Nate standing by the door with his phone to his ear. She let out a fearful breath as she approached him, not even attempting to fake a smile as he looked up at her angrily and quickly ended his call with her Mum. “Where the fuck have you been, Amelia? I’ve tried texting and calling you for the past hour, I called your Mum to see if you were with her. Why didn’t you answer any of my calls? You know that’s more important than a run.” Amelia didn’t speak and instead moved to unlock the door, letting out a yelp as Nate grabbed her arm and roughly turned her towards him. “What the fuck is wrong with you today? You know how much I hate being ignored.” 

She finally looked up at him with slightly narrowed eyes, knowing she couldn’t act like everything was normal. This wasn’t normal. “I was on a run to clear my mind,” she snapped, pulling her arm away and opening the door. She couldn’t see Nate’s face as she stepped inside, but could sense his anger as the door slammed behind her. “Why are you getting so defensive with me? So what, you’re feeling a little anxious today. Boo-fucking-hoo, that doesn’t give you the right to ignore me then act like a bitch when I’m just worried about you.” The words left Nate’s mouth in a spat and Amelia immediately turned around, tears hot in her eyes as she shook her head adamantly. “No. No, Nate. You don’t get to speak to me like that and act like I’m being awful when you’re the one that’s been lying to me.” She saw the confusion then subtle recognition across his face and continued. “I know about the cocaine, Nate. You know how much I hate drugs, how bad that is for you. God, how could you hide something like that from me?” She was fully crying again, shaking her head as she stepped back from him. “I’ve always trusted you, I’ve let you treat me like shit and all along you’ve lied to me.” Amelia felt a tight grip on her shoulders and opened her eyes to see Nate shaking his head with a pitied look in his eyes. “I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about Mila. You’re being delusional, it’s just your anxiety talking, I would never betray you.” 

For a second, Amelia could feel herself softening, her mind betraying her and getting lulled back into the manipulations Nate had been using to control her for half of their relationship. In that moment, she wanted Nate to continue to speak calmly to her, to bring her into his arms and comfort her, to give her a reason to believe that Charlie really had been wrong about him all along. To blame it all away on anxiety and stress. She couldn’t though, and distantly she found herself comparing Nate to Owen in that moment, how everyone always called Owen evil - at least his cruelty was open and honest, you knew what you were getting. With Nate, it was much more insidious - covert and friendly. A loving touch turned bruising in a second. She looked into Nate’s eyes and could see that he was finding enjoyment in winning this battle, coaxing her back into placation. She loved him, but she knew she couldn’t do this anymore. It wasn’t until Amelia felt Nate pulling her into him that she pulled away fully, breaking eye contact with him. “No. I’m not crazy, and it’s not my anxiety. Charlie told me that-” She froze, panic rising through her instantly. Before, he hadn’t known where she got her information from, so he wouldn’t be as angry - it was easier for him to deny when there was no proof. Now, she didn’t know how he would react knowing that she’d spoken to Charlie, and presumably Owen. 

Amelia thought she had seen Nate angry before - when she was running behind on her way to his, when she forgot to reply to a text, when she was late getting out to the car in the mornings before school. This was entirely different. Nate was rigid now, staring daggers into Amelia. “Charlie? You’ve been sneaking around behind my back and speaking to Charlie Hopper? What - I suppose you’re best friends with Summers now too, yeah? Maybe doing a nice little interview for the paper.” The words were cold, calculated. Amelia was terrified. She glanced at the clock just past Nate’s shoulder, noting that her parents wouldn’t be home for another hour and Nate knew it. “God, you’re such a fucking hypocrite. You’re accusing me of lying to you, when you’re the one going around behind my back becoming best friends with scum like Owen Summers and Charlie Hopper. Is that why you cared so much about the Banks kid’s murder trial? Why you were asking me questions about it? You wanted to make sure precious Owen was proven innocent? That’s pathetic.” She felt her face flush as she shook her head. “No- no it isn’t like that-” Amelia was cut off by a loud smack and a burning sensation blossoming across the right side of her face. She stumbled backwards into the wall, leaning against it for support as she cradled her cheek. 

Amelia’s eyes were watering and she looked up to see Nate moving towards her, his face seemingly softened. She cowered, backing into the corner as he approached. “Mila… Mils. I- I don’t know what came over me.” The same words he always spoke, as if it changed this time or any of the other times he’d hit her. It had never been somewhere so visible though. Her face. Amelia let out a sob as he reached a gentle hand toward her cheek. She turned her face away from him and slid to the floor of the entryway, curling into a ball and crying. Amelia heard the creak in the floorboards as Nate sat beside her, moving to wrap his arms around her. She flinched as his hand smoothed down her hair. He rested his head on her shoulder, whispering apologies into her ear as she continued to cry, but made no efforts to move. How could she?She was utterly trapped - he would kill her before he let her out of this relationship, and she didn’t know how much longer she could pretend that everything was okay. 

[maddgicalgirl]

Michael Intro

Full Name: Michael James Felicity Clark

Nicknames: Mikey, Mike, honey, Rocky, Michelangelo

Paracosm: 123 Zombie Lane

Dimension: 714

Birthdate: October 16th, 1998

Gender: Male (he/him)

Sexuality: Grayromantic, asexual (sex repulsed)

Height: 5”8’

Body type: Although he won’t give an exact for his weight, Michael appears to be about three hundred pounds, but doesn’t seem to be greatly impacted by this in physical health. Broad shouldered and sturdy, but also somewhat gangly of limb and form.

Voice: Gentle and assuring.

Emoji: ����

More below cut!

Michael has soft, crow down black hair, and one kind green eye. His skin is a delicate grey, and has an interesting texture, feeling ever so slightly too loose in some places, which he struggles with feelings of self disgust over. He has a plethora of surface level benign tumors, his body being prone to their development; the most noticeable being the two eclipsing his right eye. He has a gathering of them on both of his forearms, that keeps him from wearing long sleeves due to discomfort with abrasion. He used to have some on his stomach, but those were removed, leaving, silvery small scars.

Personality:

Personality:

Michael is exceptionally, inordinately kind. He is sweet, and honest, and thoughtful. He may not always know exactly what to say, but he will always try to find the right words, and always knows when someone needs a hug. For that matter, he gives the best hugs one could ask for. He has a slight problem of putting others before himself, and a slightly greater problem of being a pushover. Despite being gentle by nature, and doing what he can to solve problems without violence, pettiness, or cruelty, if someone he cares about needs protection or to be defended, he could surprise most with the punch he can throw. He strongly believes in doing whatever needs to get done.

Michael is very intelligent, though also quite anxious. His anxiety is mostly from the abuse he faced growing up, from both his parents and peers, which led to a struggle with both overeating, and a nervous stomach, the latter of which he has luckily managed to find successful treatment for as an adult, through medication and proper coping mechanisms learned through therapy.

Michael is artistically inclined. Though he writes, draws, and paints, his truest passion lies in sculpting and woodcarving. His most beloved method is by way of large chunks of rough, often scavenged or scrap wood, and a chainsaw. His works are surprisingly fluid and intricate, despite the brute strength and power of what he is working with. Michael is going to college to be a psychiatric nurse, and is highly empathetic. He has trouble making friends on account of his appearance and the nerves he is trying to get over, but he now has the pack and I.

Fashion:

Michael is not the most fashion forward, as what he really wants is for people to just ignore him. He tends to dress very casually, in a t-shirt and sweatpants, and sneakers such as Converse or Adidas. He is, however, very hygienic, and takes pride in his cleanliness. He also likes to wear cologne, though he prefers lighter scents that attract less attention, and are most subtle. Sometimes, when it gets colder, he will wear a flannel, with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, as anything below that can be painful for him.

Relationships:

Me/Ivy - Michael and I met in 2009, when I was in the fourth grade, and he was in the fifth. We connected almost immediately, both waiting in the office to meet with the principal. Michael didn’t think I was weird for being overemptional, and I wasn’t at all afraid of him, and we have been friends ever since. We got closer and closer overtime, due to his kindness and our shared trauma, and when he was staying with my family for several weeks, we began to develop romantic feelings for each other, that due to our own sense of self deprecation, assumed the other would never reciprocate. Queue a slowburn that lasted almost five years, until I confessed to him just last year, and we finally started dating openly. aaa 💞💕💗💖💘

Jonah - Jonah is Michael and I’s mutual best friend. He owns the apartment we share. Jonah, while an older brother like figure to me, is particular intimate with Michael, although in a platonic/alterous way. They have an old married couple vibe, and will make fun of each other, and are mutually the most responsible in the house. Though I’m not sure it’s ever been discussed, they seem to have a QPR like relationship, but Jonah doesn’t like to openly express intimate things like that, believing more that it doesn’t need to be said if it is felt.

Oswald: our other roommate, who I introduced to Michael and Jonah. He is the resident weird little brother. Michael and Jonah are kind to him, and he is finally warming up to them, as for a while he was trying so hard to impress them and get their approval, since they matter so much to me. Michael gives Oswald advice, and the two get along really well these days, despite having seemingly little in common.

Troy: Michael and Troy get along very well. Troy, being emotionally closed, has warmed up to Michael, seeing that I trust him so much. Michael has been helping Troy work through his trauma, and also his somewhat fragile ego, which kept him from seeking out closeness or physical affection. The two will now hang out, particular when I’m around, and are happy to do so, and will talk freely with each other. Troy knows he can rely on Michael, and Michael is impressed by and cares about Troy.

His dad, Harvey Clark: Harvey was physically abusive to Michael and his mom, and most obviously hated his son for being disabled. Michael and his mom fled his father’s house in secrecy, and Michael has not seen his father since.

His mom, Shana Clark: though Shana was initially a loving, if extremely emotionally damaged mother, she began changing dramatically when she met her girlfriend, Hillary. Hillary was extremely manipulative, and though at first she faked being kind to Michael, and won over Shana completely (the first relationship Shana had ever had in which she felt truly loved, and thus, did everything she could to keep it, and overlook the bad) Hillary soon started physically and emotionally abusing Michael, wanting to have Shana but not her “weird” son. At the peak of it, Shana sexually assaulted Michael on a regular basis, claiming that it would be his only chance to ever have sex with a woman, as he was too ugly to ever be loved, but also in part because Michael expressed disinterest and a bit of disgust as the idea of sex and relationships. Michael moved out as soon as he could, and still does not talk to his mom, or her girlfriend.

My parents: WIP

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, MINNIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of PERDITA. Admin Rosey: This was the most difficult decision to make. Forty-five minutes were spent going back and forth between the applications. FORTY FIVE. It canntot be amphasized enough how difficult this was. The voices were captured perfectly in both applications, but what it ultimately came down to were the plots. Both of them were amazing, but there was a certain darkness underlying your plots, Minnie, that couldn’t be said no to. The passion that you have for Poala and the shadows in her life were so very palpable and real in the application. But all of it had the sweetness of Perdita’s voice. We can’t wait to see you on the dash!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Minnie

Age | 23

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I will probably be around a 5. My goal is to write one reply a day, and when that isn’t possible, aim to write at least every other day. I know that DiVerona is pretty damn active, and will adjust as I see fit with the pacing of the plot.

Timezone | EST

Current/Past RP Accounts | Y’all have seen me play so many characters at DV hehe I’ll save you the trouble.

In Character

Character | Paella Paola Damasco.

What drew you to this character? | It’s been interesting to see how I’ve grown as a writer and, I think, as a human being with the characters I am drawn to at DiVerona. I don’t know the name of the thread that strings together all the characters I have written at DiVerona, but the one I feel strongest is a need to finish their story. Paola stands at the precipice of what may be her beginning and end, both — and with arms wide open, she jumps. Jumps into the heart of Verona, jumps straight into mine.

She is a girl who is used to nothing. She is a girl who the world has tried to claim before; it’s called to her at night: fall into me, let me consume you. There are a million corners in Rome all desperate for a girl like Paola: as clever as she is intelligent, beautiful and kind and dangerous in a way they haven’t seen before. Because she survives. Because deceit, betrayal, abandonment and more have looked Paola straight in the eye — and she stared right back.

She is a girl who does not look for kindness or sparkle; she looks only for what is. And for that, for her clear-eyed vision, for all of her light and for all of her shadows still, I love Paola. She is truth-turned-girl, and therein lies her beauty.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

Paola has knocked on Verona’s door with a mission. Gently, in a voice so clear and kind that it aches to deny her, she asks for the truth. And Verona, with its all-seeing eye so used to cruelty and deception, asks right back: But which truth? For it may be death that sparked the flame but it was her own birth that kindled the flame, long ago. She is searching for the answer of her lover’s death but also her own beginning — but it may break her heart. Verona delivered the final blow to the beginnings of two separate futures: a mother and father who want her, who will never leave her behind; a lover who does the same, who is exactly who they appear to be. She moves forward with one question in mind, but there are far more lingering close behind. Who is she? Where does she come from? And, above all, who will she become?

I’d like to explore Paola’s relationship with her past. Verona demands that she face it: the truth of where she and her lover both came from, and what ultimately may destroy them both. She may not find the truth of who her parents are or why they gave her away, but regardless, she’ll have to accept the truth of what happened to the loves she might have had, the peace she might have enjoyed. She is a girl who has already found herself, but parts of her are still lost, forever unknowable. I’d love to explore the kind of insecurity that is birthed from that kind of beginning in Paola.

As a neutral character, Paola has both the opportunity to manipulate and to be manipulated; to look past the madness or to be lost in it. She’s uninterested in their petty game of pointed fingers and misplaced blame; they have all had their own finger in the pot, have all sacrificed their own souls to be a part of the war. None of them are innocent — and isn’t she? Doesn’t she deserve to rise above it? Before she dared to take her first breath, Verona spit her out; punished her before she had the chance to become a worthy villain. Paola thinks she is above the war, but the truth that she has yet to understand is that their war is her war; that their cause is the same as her cause. Who killed my love? Damiano and Paola cry out, hands clutched to their chest, tearing at their clothes as they cry. Who saw my love last, who heard their last words, who will return my love to me?

I’d like for Paola to see that there is part of her in the war, too. Especially with Cyrus egging her on and Lillian being her employer, Paola has a few different threads pulling her into its bloodthirsty center. Though she is indifferent now, even actively against becoming involved in the war, Paola is without a home. Her future in Verona is built on ashes and will crumble to dust as soon as she finds the answer she seeks - and what then? She is a girl who has short-term direction, and Montagues and Capulets alike might find it useful to become her long-term goal. I’m not sure how the war will influence Paola, and I’m not sure how Paola will influence the war. But that’s the fun of exploring in writing, and I think that as Paola becomes invested in the people within the city, the people will consume her right back. I’m excited to see it unfold!

An orphan raised by two cities, Rome is her indifferent father — and Verona is her cruel mother. There is a deep ache in Paola, a loss that can’t be escaped no matter how resilient Paola becomes, no matter how much she survives. With grace, she bears it all, but we all have our breaking points. For darkness has a way of hearing your call before you know it’s listening, and darkness makes a point of watching those in the light in wait of the first misstep. And Paola, make no doubt, will misstep. She will fall, and she may not rise with grace as she usually does; after all, she has brought so many heavy things with her to this city. A longing for answers, grief for the lives she never had, loneliness in a city that does not forget nor forgive. She marches the streets of Verona and calls for the truth, but there is a darker drum that matches the cadence of every step, a subtle call for her dreams returned to her - by force if necessary.

I think that, under the right circumstances, Paola could become an incredibly vengeful creature. Verona has stolen so much from her already; and though she is neutral in the war and thinks that she’s a neutral person overall, Paola definitely has not forgiven the city. It stole her lover, it stole her family, and though Paola has no intention or plan to burn the city to the ground, I can see her becoming so adamantly against the evil Verona breeds. And it could make for a deliciously destructive and destroyed character!

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | It depends on how much Paola has been developed! I would like to see her go through several arcs of development, if you will.

In Depth

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Interview: The following questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would if you were playing the character.

What is your favorite place in Verona? |

“To be honest with you, it’s only my first week in Verona,” Paola says with a laugh. But she looks like she belongs here in Phoenix and the Turtle Cafe: hair thrown together in a bun, a turtleneck hiding her slim neck and pretty heart, long fingers cradling the cup emptied of coffee long before the job interview. “But I already have an answer.”

She pauses, almost imperceptibly. Which is better: to offer one’s heart at the altar in hopes of receiving the same, or to hold back and stand outside the veil that separates the holy from the human for security, for caution?

Paola’s fingers tighten around the porcelain in her hands, choosing some gray area in the middle. “I grew up in an orphanage run by the church, which demands a certain unforgiving honesty. I have seen the beauty of God’s grace, and I’ve also seen the cruelty of God’s distance. Despite that, I’ve always loved the church. The cathedral is where I was raised, and so it’s become my home. I’m lucky, in a way; there’s a cathedral in every city, so there is a place for me in every city. Or at least, somewhere to start.”

What does your typical day look like?

“Right now, I am desperately looking for a job. After this interview,” Paola adds with a wink in her smile, “perhaps I’ll have a clearer idea of the days ahead.”

It’s with a laugh and a firm shake of the hand that Paola is offered the job. It’s an easy choice, for both of them. The cafe could use someone like Paola: fresh, beautiful, well-read and easy to speak with. And there is no better place for Paola to learn information than a coffee shop in the center of Capulet territory, where eavesdropping becomes part of the job and the list of regulars include several key players in her game.

One down, Paola thinks as she exits the cafe, another to go.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

The interview for The Two Gentlemen is noticeably more difficult than Phoenix and the Turtle Cafe. What resources does she have, to dress the part of a sophisticated waitress or an experienced bartender? The most she has is a black dress, “borrowed” from the Roman Catholic Church. Her face is free of makeup and her hair has adopted a strange curl from her bun earlier that day. She doesn’t belong here.

But - and her interviewer is unsure why exactly - she’s doing well. Her smile comes easily and her quick wit is turning the interview away from her skills (or lack thereof) to her potential. Her magic.

Paola sips on her glass of wine and pretends it doesn’t bite at her throat as it goes down; she never was one for alcohol. “Ignoring my gut instinct.” She washes down the regret with another sip of wine, so thick on her tongue and rotten in her belly. She knew that sending her lover to Verona with a kiss would end in ruins, and she did it anyways. Second-guessing the voices screaming at her to deny them, praying that it was only a superstitious paranoia towards the city that first abandoned her, Paola had pressed a kiss to their lips and said goodbye.

“But I can assure you that I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

With the face of her dead lover in mind, the answer comes at once: To love them. To love them wholeheartedly and blindly, with complete faith and devastation.

It is the only thing anyone has ever truly asked of Paola; no one has ever cared enough about the orphan wandering the streets of Rome to ask her for anything besides her dead lover. Everything she has, she has asked of herself. She is one of many hungry mouths and abandoned souls in a crowded city; no one cares to see her unless she asks to be seen. And Paola rarely asks to be seen.

“To venture into the unknown, and come to Verona,” Paola says, thinking, Because Verona wants to ruin me. Because I want to ruin it back.

Her interviewer, mildly bewildered but utterly charmed, stands and extends his hand. “Welcome to The Two Gentlemen, Paola.”

She grins as she mirrors the fluid motion and squeezes his hand once. “Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

It’s a strange question, and it shows on Paola’s expression as confusion breaks through the smile on her lips. “Does the war concern this job?”

“Paola” - and the way Lillian says her name makes Paola’s heart skip, makes her lean forward and listen more carefully - “the war concerns everything and everyone in Verona. It keeps the city alive, so the city returns the favor.”

She grows quiet, searching her heart for an answer that will win her the job. Lillian Wen holds in her hand the connections Paola wants, needs, to unravel the truth and close this wretched, tragic book, the story of a love birthed and murdered and, through her relentless pursuit of its ending, revived.

When Paola does not find the right answer, she gives the second-best option: an honest one. “I don’t have any thoughts on the war. It exists, and though it may be sinful of me to say it, I will let it.”

A smile burns on Lillian’s lips, and Paola feels a small tingle at the tips of her fingers. When Lillian offers her job, Paola feels lucky for the first time since she’s set foot in Verona.

In-Character Para Sample: Again, write as much or as little as you need to get your interpretation across.

Extras: N/A

[bitchtricks]

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE is A DEATH EATER in the war, even though HER official job is as AN OBLIVIATOR. the TWENTY EIGHT year old PUREBLOOD is known to be ASSERTIVE and QUICK WITTED but also SADISTIC and HOT HEADED. some might label them as THE HELLFIRE. fc: olivia munn 

PINTEREST BOARD: (x) PLAYLIST: (x)

ANTHEMS:

HELLFIRE - BARNS COURTNEY // CALL ME DEVIL - FRIENDS IN TOKYO // DANGEROUS - MISS LI // HORNS - BRYCE FOX // WILD FIRE - DOROTHY // EVIL WAYS - BLUES SARACENO // WICKED GAMES - THE HOT DAMNS.

BACKGROUND / FAMILY:

Bellatrix Black came crashing into the world on the night before Christmas Eve. She wasn’t due for another four weeks, so her birth was a mostly unwelcome surprise --- but she was also the first child of Cygnus and Druella to carry on the Black legacy, which was an honor. A necessity.

After her birth, her father never really hid his disappointment --- it was no secret that a daughter was not what he had hoped for. He was an old fashioned man, and had prayed for a strong son, to bring glory to the family name. Bellatrix, small in size and eerily quiet as a baby, was far from that.

She became strong fast, because she had to be. The tiny infant who could barely muster a scream seemed like a faint memory, and was soon replaced by a mean toddler.

As a child, Bella was vicious. Biting, clawing, screaming and cursing were things she picked up fast, and she’d terrorize the other kids at the playground ( with an almost scary aim for her muggle born / half blood peers ). But she never hurt her sisters, and instead came to protect them.

Once she reached the age of six, she calmed down a bit, and instead started following her father around ( and was lovingly referred to as his ‘little shadow’ ). Eager to prove herself, she learned everything that a son of Cygnus would have learnt. She was determined to show her father that being a girl would not stop her from becoming worthy of the Black throne, to carry his name with pride. Over the years of her childhood and adolescence, Bellatrix forged herself into the golden girl, a respectable heir in the making. Desperate to wear the crown.

Most of her childhood was characterized by harsh words, strict rules and high expectations. Her family’s reputation weighed heavy on her shoulders, constantly pressuring her to excel. Luckily, she shared her parents’ ambition and values, and had no problems conforming to their rule. Which also meant that she could get away with much else.

She was close with her sisters, and even as a young girl, she would have gone to war for the both of them. She still would, for Narcissa.

HOGWARTS YEARS.

Bellatrix had been duly prepped before arriving at Hogwarts. She was the first of their children to walk the halls, so it was important to both Druella and Cygnus that Bellatrix knew how to behave. Who to fraternize with. Who to avoid. Who was worthy of her time. Her parents had also made sure that she already had the appropriate friends --- and play dates with other pureblood kids were a common occurrence when Bellatrix was younger.

During her Hogwarts years, she kept out of trouble. For the most part. Her problems with impulse control and uncontrollable rage got her into some fights. She was also known for mocking ( and occasionally jinxing ) muggle born kids. But mostly she kept to her fellow Slytherins, biding her time.

Took the following electives while at Hogwarts: alchemy, care of magical creatures, study of ancient runes.

Was in the charms club, the potions club and the dueling club. 

She was a beater for the Slytherin team during her time at the school, and was notorious for her cruel playing style and foul tricks. In her opinion, playing dirty was just part of the game though, so....

During her sixth year at the school, Bellatrix was recruited into the Death Eaters. With them, she found a second home.

AFTER HOGWARTS.

After graduating from Hogwarts, Bellatrix took a year off from her studies. The official reason was that she needed to “find herself”. Whatever the fuck that meant. Obviously, it was a lie to hide what she was really up to. In reality, Bellatrix was at Voldemort’s side, learning leglilimency and occlumency, all the while developing her dark magic and her shitty personality.

At the age of nineteen, Bellatrix found work as an obliviator. Though the choice had ultimately been hers to make, the dark lord was always whispering in her ear, encouraging her to infiltrate the ministry. The goal was to have sleeper agents of death eaters in every department once it was time to go to war. It also helped that becoming an oblivator just made sense --- fucking with the minds of muggles could already be counted as a hobby (albeit a twisted one), and she had always been good at taking things that didn’t belong to her... Memories would be no different.

At the age of twenty two, Bellatrix married Rodolophus Lestrange, and secured a worthy pureblood union for her legacy. 

Among the Death Eaters, Bellatrix is in the inner circle. She considers herself the dark lord’s right hand, and prides herself on being his most loyal servant.

AS A PERSON.

Bellatrix is a fucking shit show. She is deranged, a little bit unhinged, impulsive, angry as hell, childish, ruthless, playful, arrogant and lethal ( and she barely has a moral compass to speak of ). But she’s also calculating, focused, quick on her feet, protective, fiercely loyal, assertive and intuitive. Bella often contradicts herself --- she has grown up believing that it’s best to be cold and devoid of emotions, but she’s a highly emotional person by nature. She tries to suppress that as best as she can, but she usually boils over pretty fast. Other emotions are usually translated into anger as well, so that’s fun. I think the best way to describe her is that she’s just fire, always burning cold.

Most people probably suspect that Bellatrix is a death eater, because she’s not exactly subtle about it. She won’t outright SAY it, but she enjoys a game of cat and mouse, and will heavily imply... stuff. Especially to the aurors, who are her favorite people to taunt. 

Doesn’t have the most finesse. I like thinking of her as the Hammer™. Gets shit done, but not in the most Delicate or Intricate way. Intensely focused, and can control herself when needed, but she usually finds that it’s not.

STYLE / FASHION / APPEARANCE.

Bellatrix has jet black eyes ( resembling the pits of hell ) and the hair to match. It falls in messy curls over her shoulders, and she doesn’t bother with it ( and doesn’t cut it either tbh, so it’s very long ). 

Usually wears dark red lipstick ( to hide her sins && match the blood of enemies ).

Dresses mostly in black. Has to wear clothes that can fit into the muggle world while at work ( since she is often out in the field, interacting with muggles ). While there, she wears a well worn leather jacket ( with shoulder pads, in true 70s style ), and wide, black pants.

Files her nails into long claws, and paints them black.

Is tall.

CHARACTER INFLUENCES.

jamie moriarty ( elementary ) - so diabolical. so clever. so manipulative. the voice. the plans. the lethality. the determination. the curiosity.

glory / glorificus ( btvs ) - the insanity. the instability. the arrogance. the violence. the childlike temper.

villanelle ( killing eve ) - the brutality. the psychopathy. the immaturity. the quips. the game of cat and mouse. 

jennifer blake ( teen wolf ) - absolutely psychotic. the vindictiveness. always plotting. the ruthlessness. the righteousness. the ambition. never giving up.

klaus mikaelson ( tvd ) - the anger issues. the sadism. the coldness.

kilgrave ( jessica jones ) - the creativity. the multitude forms of torture. the brutality. the immaturity. the childlikeness. the sociopathy.

lilith ( supernatural ) - the childishness. the coldness. the playfulness.

drusilla ( btvs ) - the lunacy. the mind games. the viciousness. the erraticness.

cersei lannister ( got ) - the queen. the petty mindgames. the cruelty. the violence. the thirst for power.

helena ( orphan black ) - the fanatic. the determination. some of the mannerisms. the psychoticness.

faith lehane ( btvs ) - instability right below the surface. twists and turns. a little unhinged. easy to anger. likes violence.

mazikeen ( lucifer ) - the violence. the cruelty. the torture. the being a demon thing. the sadism. the confidence. the sarcasm. the class.

FAVORITE CHARACTER TROPES.

SLASHER SMILE - a smile in anticipation of pain or death // a cheshire cat grin.

THE DRAGON - a monster the hero has to get past to get at the big bad. the top enforcer.

TORTURE TECHNICIAN -  takes the heroes and turn them into screaming, shinned shambles. 

LADY MACBETH - frequently more crazy than her husband, quite the sociopath, in the business of turning men towards evil.

AX CRAZY - psychologically unstable, capable of extreme violence, known for insane laughter.

EVIL WEARS BLACK - duh.

THE BARONESS - a female baddie with a chilly disposition and more than a touch of the dominatrix about her.

WICKED CULTURED - evil is intellectual // basically an evil aristocrat.

THE CHESSMASTER - thinking three moves ahead at all times. manipulating, planning, plotting.

DADDY’S LITTLE VILLAIN - shares evil father’s ambitions and cruelty.

BERSERK BUTTON - always ready to fucking snap.

SOFT SPOKEN SADIST - occasionally. a monster who might describe just how horribly she's going to mangle you, while speaking in a voice that's anything but monstrous.

DARK ACTION GIRL - likes beating the hero to a bloody pulp. good at it too.

AMBITION IS EVIL - has grand plans. ends justify the means, always.

[owl-eyed-woman]

Attack on Titan Season 2 Episode 36 Analysis Part 2: Ymir and Christa

When this season began, I had no idea that Ymir and Christa would become such central characters or that I would learn to love them oh so much. They were such non-entities in the first season. They were, at best, two vaguely interesting side characters.

But now, in a mere 12 episodes, Ymir and Christa have been decisively moved from their once peripheral position to the very centre of this story and, in the process, have proven themselves to be two of the most well-written and relatable characters in the bunch.

In the scheme of this episode though, plot-wise and even theme-wise, they are almost disconnected, existing in their own little plot cul-de-sac.  If they were less well-written, one might say that they distract from the episode as a whole. It’s the strength of the character writing and the emotional conflict between these two that ensures they remain one of the best parts of an already stellar episode and one of the most compelling parts of AOT as a show.

Essentially, there can be no satisfying resolution to this whole endeavour without first addressing Ymir’s disturbing decision to kidnap Christa and resolving its immediate impact on Christa and her relationship with Ymir.

Upon being removed from Ymir’s mouth (ew), Christa immediately demands an explanation for her unexpected abduction. It’s this process of explanation and justification that forms the foundation of this scene’s tension and stakes. How Ymir explains the situation to Christa will ultimately determine the fate of humanity, Christa and herself.

However, despite the fact that this conversation will have major repercussions for all of humankind, AOT keeps this scene intimate and personal, focusing on what’s at stake emotionally. AOT understands that what matters most in this moment is how this decision plays out between these two girls who love each other.

With this in mind, Ymir’s measly attempts to justify her current course of action are almost funny in a terrifying, messed-up sort of way. She’s deeply aware of the absolute indefensibility of her actions and finds herself struggling to explain herself to Christa. Though she seemed to reconcile herself to the moral reprehensibility of her actions last episode, in the face of Christa and the very real possibility that she just might despise her, Ymir is finding that she’s less able to handle this situation than she previously thought.

Christa, bless her heart, senses none of this emotional turmoil and instead assumes that Ymir is being threatened by Reiner or Bertholdt. I mean, why else would Ymir put her in harm’s way? Christa simply can’t, or perhaps, doesn’t want to believe that Ymir is capable of such a betrayal. She even offers Ymir an out, reaffirming her loyalty and promising to vouch for her no matter what.

It’s at once sad and strangely sweet that Ymir continues to be shocked by just how good Christa is. She understands so much of who Christa is as a person, but this essential aspect of Christa, her unwavering kindness, still remains unfathomable.

In a way, this scene serves as yet another example of how Christa and Ymir’s natures mirror one another’s in their own distorted way. While Ymir and Christa are starkly opposed morally, they both instinctively apply their personal moral beliefs onto the world around them, regardless of context. To put it simply, while Christa expects the best from people, Ymir always assumes the worst.

This remains true in this scene, as Ymir applies her own self-centred worldview to Christa, assuming she’ll react with anger, suspicion or even hate. When Ymir is instead met with unconditional trust and love, her guilt becomes even more potent and her choice even harder. Even after all that she’s done, Christa continues to offer Ymir a chance to turn back before she goes down this dark path.

But it’s all for naught; she’s already decided that she’ll do whatever it takes to both protect Christa and selfishly ensure Christa remains with her. Besides, Ymir’s too much of a realist to believe she can turn back after what she’s done. There is only one option left to her: do whatever she can to keep Christa on her side.

Using Christa’s assumption that she is in some kind of danger to her advantage, Ymir suddenly claims that she kidnapped Christa, not of her own volition, but out of fear for her life. She is blatantly lying about her own agency and painting herself as a passive victim, exploiting Christa’s innate impulse to defend the weak. There’s no point mincing words here, this is a selfish, underhanded, manipulative thing to do.  

But even as she commits to this deceit, digging herself deeper and deeper into her lies, Ymir starts to mix in the truth about herself and her love for Christa. Though she claims that she is being threatened by Reiner and Bertholdt, Ymir also admits that she is acting out of an intense fear of dying and acknowledges the undeniable selfishness behind this act.

Ymir didn’t have to add this. She could have simply stuck to her story, and remained the passive and innocent victim. Instead, Ymir purposefully constructs her false confession in a way that acknowledges her own culpability and deficiencies as a human being. This complicates what might otherwise have been a straightforward ‘confession’.

In her own way, Ymir is being entirely honest. Though it may sound sappy, Ymir is indeed motivated by a fear of dying; for Ymir, life without Christa would be the same as dying. Whilst the specifics of her explanation are all fabrication, the emotions Ymir attributes to her actions, are, in a way, the complete and utter truth. As Christa hears this, she struggles to reconcile her belief in the fundamental goodness of people with the obvious selfishness and deceit evident in Ymir’s ‘confession’. Perhaps Ymir is just another person trying to use Christa for their own selfish means.

But even knowing all this, as the sun bursts through the clouds to shine gloriously over them, Christa openly and readily reasserts that she will always be Ymir’s ally. It’s a strangely triumphant moment, as the bright almost heavenly light underscores Christa’s inherent goodness and selflessness.

Ymir looks up in desperate awe at Christa, basking in this light, before lowering her head into shadows. In this subtle shift, AOT powerfully shows us the darkness underlying this moment of so-called triumph, corrupted by Ymir’s deceit and betrayal.

Ymir has got what she wanted. Christa has agreed to come with her, and against all odds, she doesn’t despise her. But there is no victory or joy for Ymir. Instead, this a sombre, deeply ambiguous moment of someone manipulating the one they love because of that same love. Ymir is hurting Christa and she knows it.

Christa, however, seems completely oblivious to this, and, in the wake of this (false) confession, seems to accept her fate with open arms. Christa is a genuinely honest person, so honest in fact, that she isn’t able to conceive of people as capable of dishonesty, especially those she trusts. She’s kind of like Eren in that sense; their loyalty, once gained, is unconditional.

AOT unfailingly portrays a brutal world filled with violence and cruelty, but characters like Christa serve as an essential reminder of humankind’s potential for goodness and beauty. Sadly though, in this case Christa’s greatest virtue, her kindness, becomes her greatest flaw, blinding her to Ymir’s treachery and leaving her vulnerable to manipulation by more cunning and callous people. AOT understands that kindness shouldn’t be applied unconditionally, lest it prop up the actions of those actively working to undermine humanity.

Thank god Christa has other friends to support her and offer her some much-needed perspective on this whole mess. Whilst fighting side by side with Ymir, Christa is suddenly whisked away by Connie and Sasha. When Christa tries to explain why they need to let her run away with Ymir, Connie and Sasha are immediately suspicious, stating outright that Ymir is almost certainly lying.  

Connie and Sasha, as two neutral parties, force Christa to see the logical inconsistencies in Ymir’s story. If Ymir literally risked her life, not even 1 day ago, to save Christa, why would a fear of death motivate her to endanger Christa? It just doesn’t add up.

I really love Christa as a character, but she is making a terrible decision and acting irrationally. Ymir and Christa’s connection is undeniably electric and all-encompassing but, evidently, it’s become harmful if they’re willing to sacrifice everything and everyone for each other. I’m thankful that we have Connie and Sasha here to call Christa out and basically say she’s stupid to her face. In this way, they are acting as a type of realistic and pragmatic buffer for Christa’s seemingly limitless idealism.

Christa is a crossroads, and the decision she makes here will decide who she will be as a person and what path she will take in her life. I hope, in the end, that Christa is able to make the right choice and grow from this experience, learning not to let blind love and unconditional loyalty dictate her actions. Ymir also faced such a crossroads, but it seems as if she’s made her choice already. Still, l hope Ymir can learn true selflessness and do the right thing for the one she loves.

Whether this will come to pass, well, I guess I’ll just have to wait till the next episode.

In the next part, we’re going to look at another unhealthy relationship, and think about Mikasa’s love for Eren! Links to the full series will be posted below.

Links Part 1: Why I Love this Show Part 3: Mikasa’s Co-dependency and Morality Part 4: Armin and Sacrifice Part 5: An Ode to the Ensemble