#he’s like an asian mom kind of. but yeah like i think this is the one thing i am willing to cede to anti bruce people

[roobylavender]

a random thought but i really am very obsessed with how deeply committed bruce is to his love of people and to the extent that it’s a regular divide between him and talia. not that she is without love, no, hardly so, but love will never come before principle for her in the sense that the principle does stem from love, but from a selfless love, not a selfish one. and i use these two descriptors purely as a means of analyzing perspective, so selfless and selfish not necessarily as moral indicators as they are often used today but merely as expressions of whether you’re acting for the sake of others or for yourself. talia is someone repeatedly acting at expense to herself for the sake of others. she gives her child away, she ends her marriage, she doesn’t say a word about it again for years despite having the chance, she takes on a high level espionage mission without speaking a word to her ex-lover, maybe to protect herself, maybe to protect him. whether those were worthwhile decisions to take is certainly debatable, but she acts near strictly from a perspective of caring about others and the world first. bruce is comparatively a very selfish person. every victim an extension of his own trauma, every grief taken to heart, every desperation for companionship so heavily internalized that he ends up pushing people away bc at some point he can’t bear to take them down under with him in his sorrow. it’s funny that he tries to be the rational voice in a room bc up to a point he is, but he also cares too much about his own personal affairs to be that way consistently

and in light of all of that i am thinking about the conversations he and talia must have in that alternate universe where damian is normal and newly revealed to both of them as a concrete concept in their lives, for bruce as the son he never had and for talia as the son she gave away, come back to them by way of fate. why did you never tell me you didn’t actually miscarry. why did you never tell me you had a son and you gave him away. why did you pretend like it was over when it never was. why did you look me repeatedly in the eyes over the years like there wasn’t something more that was there. when you said you couldn’t talk about it before i boarded a plane back home i held my tongue. when you let yourself be beaten within an inch of your life bc your city was falling to pieces i held my tongue. when my father took the contingency plans you made and used them to turn your friends against you i held my tongue. when i worked for a man who would for all intents and purposes use the knowledge of my relationship with you against you i held my tongue

how can bruce, a person so wrapped up in his love for people, not understand the number of sacrifices that talia has had to make for his own sake. her repeated protection of him, of his sanity, of his sanctity, is simultaneously her greatest crime and her greatest benevolence to him. she carried that grief of loss for years and years bc of how important bruce is to her. and bruce loves her, loves damian, too much to even begin to understand what love means outside of the parameters of his own feelings for them. that is his dilemma writ large wrt people he loves. that he can’t see the extent of what they do for him, bc he loves them too much and doesn’t know how to get out of the sheer grief and possessiveness of it

[gibbyslounge]

HEARTSTOPPERRRRRAHHHHHHH

[kyri45]

This may be an unpopular take lol but it just kinda crossed my mind. I don’t know but I kinda feel like MK doesn’t really have the right to know or ask about that kind of baggage from his bio parents? Like it has to be up to Wukong and Macaque to tell him. (Low key these three if you actually think about it have NOT known each other enough for that kind of baggage to surface up like this)

Like there are stuff about some family members of mine I did not even realize were terrible people until waaaaaaay later into adulthood, after being raised by my parents for a long time. And the only reason I was told about a lot of this is because my mom was stressed the hell out in the moment and blabbed it to me. To this day I am pretty sure she deep down did not want me to know.

I dunno maybe I am way off base here and it’s more a difference in cultures and family dynamics (ie from an Asian household weeeeeee) but the story having to bend over backwards to get to a point where MK is probs about to yell at the two of them just feels… eh to me. Like I said tho, unpopular take lol so I get if peeps will disagree haha

Oh yeah I agree on the fact that he also shouldn't have poked too much durong the series about what happened between them. The thing here is mostly- like the fight and everything is somethimg that is literally in JTTW, and since the book is canon it means that almost everyone who had at least read the book is aware of what happened between them. MK is known for only have read very few parts of the book so. In some way, he would have found out. And if the little guy got to experienced it 4k I guess he kind of neccessitated some extra explaination (even though I'll admit, he could have just read the book more and he wouldn't have such a high view of Wukong without having to go thtough extra trauma but i guess chat likes the angst

[specialagentartemis]

thinking more about trigger warnings and. Bluntly, I think except for a couple specific types of things—like a rape scene in a book, or gunshot noises in an audio drama—content warnings are almost impossible to be useful when they come from somebody who doesn’t know you.

I talk about a really good horror movie I saw to my mom, and she asks, “Would I like it?” and I can say, “there’s one pretty bloody and gross scene, and one scene of a chimpanzee attacking somebody but it’s mostly offscreen, and otherwise, it’s mostly suspense and psychological, I think you’d like it.” That’s a content warning. It’s also only really possible because I know my mom and I know what makes her uncomfortable (gore and excessive violence, mostly). I was reading one of the bleakest, most depressing, most unsettling books I’ve read in my life, and chatting about it with a friend, and I said upfront that it’s bleak and upsetting, and also went into the background of the author a little bit—he wrote it as he was in and out of hospitals, dying of cancer. My friend’s dad was at that point in the hospital with cancer. Because I knew that I wanted to contextualize the book if he was considering reading it. A lot of the time when I’m talking about sci-fi books with another friend who reads a lot more of them and faster than I do, they will often let me know, “It developed a really bad straight romance halfway through,” or “the romance arc wasn’t awful but was annoying,” or “I actually didn’t mind the romance in this one.” These can be thought of as content warnings, telling me that kind of content to expect and brace myself so I don’t get disappointed by another stupid romance subplot in a book a otherwise was looking forward to. “It’s got SO much body horror” can either be a warning or a recommendation, depending on who you’re talking to. We trade our assessments of books, and let each other know what we might like and what we won't like. That's super important—and impossible to impersonalize.

Especially when it’s stuff like “yeah it was uncomfortably sexist” or “the author writes Asian people in a really uncomfortable way” or “there’s just random fatphobia consistently throughout” or “one of the magic things in it relies on the idea that love is what makes you human and people who don’t fall in love are monsters” which the author obviously isn’t going to warn for and is going to hurt some people more than others, and some people probably aren’t even going to notice. You kind of have to know somebody before you can assess what they might need to know going into something.

[rogerdeakinsdp]

so i've fallen down a rabbit hole of watching videos of foreigners travelling and/or moving to russia, and i need to rant bc even my mom is tired of me talking about, every time we're in the kitchen together she's like "have you found another one?" and i'm like "yeah 😔" ........ anyway

i'm not saying there's something inherently wrong with the people who choose to come to russia, especially after february 2022, but i'm not not saying it. i definitely don't trust them, and i assume they're right wing until proven otherwise. most of the people who come stay in moscow/st petersburg, none of them travel outside of the european part and GEEE I WONDER WHY. none of them are poor and most of them have questionable politics to begin with

there's this one american guy who tours TYPICAL/LUXURY supermarkets in russia and out of all of them he's the most popular right now. and even if he understands the concept of currency and how the exchange rate actually works, most of the commenters don't. "a liter of milk is only 80 cents" first of all, that's 950ml AT BEST, could be 800 or 750, and that's not cheap. "coffee is only 5 dollars" 450 for instant coffee is a lot. "look at these shelves in the middle of all those sanctions. does it look like the people are starving????" if you don't understand the details of sourcing produce don't draw stupid conclusions. like sure there's bread and milk and local meat because it's local, there's less variety and everything is more expensive, but there's still some stuff. you have to look at cosmetics, cleaning supplies, fruits and veggies, oils, cookies, drinks, alcohol. the first wave of sanctions that really hit the stores was in 2014 and you weren't there my guy. and even now like the pads are so expensive, and you get chinese brands that aren't as nice, and i can't get my favorite oral b dental floss anymore

there's another american guy who went to the grocery store to buy some pastry, 2 fruity drinks and 3 bottles of water. "omg just 11 dollars" 1100 is expensive!!! you can get like 25 different kinds of pasta that will last you months! "had lunch. only 30 dollars" 3k for a lunch that's just some vareniki and pirozhki?????? are you insane???? "just 30 dollars" fuck off. and the people he meets.... there was one girl from krasnoyarsk, and he asked "is that in the asian part of russia?" and she was like "that's in the middle of russia, asia is far way" GIRL WHAT THE FUCK???? you should know better. nobody thinks of western siberia when they say "the middle of russia" they mean central russia and you know it. krasnoyarsk is in the asian part of russia

there's another american guy who moved to russia to raise his family because russia is more like what the god intended, and they respect family values here and all that right wing bullshit. he sold his what looks like a $400,000 house in the states SO OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS CHEAP HERE YOU STUPID FUCKING SHIT!!!! "they have organic food here, no gmo, even the milk here isn't pasteurized" all milk in stores is pasteurized you dipshit!! "there's no racism here, they treat immigrants really well" because you're american!!!! they don't treat people from central asia, or indigenous peoples, or people from the caucasus the way they treat you!

there's a dutch guy who was surprised that russian people wash their hands when they come home and i don't know what to say????? you don't wash your hands???? gross

there's a japanese guy who also doesn't understand currency. "everything here is cheaper than in japan or finland" yeah i wonder why russia is cheaper than those first world countries, is don't even know why....... and he went to crimea in the last two years.....

there's a korean girl who mostly just vlogs about going to museums, and going to cafes and making food, and it's pretty boring, and she even acknowledged that her experience of russia is different from someone who lives here and it all depends on your economic situation, age, social status, your circumstances, and i just watch her videos looking for something inflammatory which is ?????? but there will be something 👁👁 why did you come girl???

there's another korean girl who went to the red square in a fur coat and no hat in december, which is suspicious........

there's a number of pretty unmemorable foreigners who are like "all my family told me not to come to russia, yet i'm here anyway, i'm gonna try to survive here because i like a challenge" go solve climate change if you like a challenge! knowing that living like me, better than me, with more money than me, is a challenge to someone is truly something..... GO HOME!

many of these people say "there's no restrictions on freedom on speech or freedom of expression, the media lied to us, i'm just a normal guy who wants to live my life with my family, i don't care what the government is doing" you're so stupid. you're so privileged. the commenters on these videos are full of right wingers, people are openly racists in them. it's just a cesspool of awful people.

"people are so nice and welcoming" because you are from the west!!!!!!!

JUST GO HOME!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE????

[therand0mwriter]

IDOL-Chapitre un

Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir x Male!Idol!reader

When a young American idol and his band tours in France, every one in Adrien's class wants to go. Unfortunately for them, tickets sold out as soon as they were for sale. Fortunately for Adrien, his father was able to get him tickets, but with a cost. Even though theres an underlying reason on why he's going, Adrien decides to take his best friend Nino, and his other two close classmates/friends, Alya and Marinette.

When they all got to the concert and the idol started singing, it mesmerized Adrien, pulling him to the front of the stage. Seeing the idol perform made Adrien feel things he never felt before, and it didn't help when the idol lent down and kissed Adrien's hand. Now that caused quite the ruckus.

"𝐔𝐡, 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭?"

[Unedited]

[(h/t) = hair type, i.e. curly, wavy, straight, ect.]

[Everyone in the story is 18 or older unless it is specifically said otherwise.]

*Y/N's POV*

"We're going to France!" Your manager, Sheena, just cheered. It was silent in the conference room as you and your band mates took this in. "Huh?" Was all you could say. "What do you mean: 'huh'?! You guys are going to tour in France! Be more excited!" Sheena yelled at us while shaking her fists.

"Are we that popular to be touring in a different country?" Your bass player, Jiraiya, questioned. "Oh boy, I don't know any french..." Your drummer, Loyal, worried out loud. "Relax, I'm sure this'll be a fun, new experience for all of us." Your guitarist, Kylian, said as he patted Loyal's shoulder in comfort. "Ah, I can't wait for the food!" Your keyboardist, Kairo, was already drooling at the thought of French cuisine.

These are your bandmates. You five, including yourself, make up the band: Ensnare. There was you, Y/N L/N, age 18, 5'9", the leader and vocalist. Then there was Jiraiya Duran, age 19, second in command and the bass player. Jiraiya is of Asian and pacific islander descent, around 5'8", has straight black hair, sharp dark brown eyes, glasses, tan skin, a Medusa lip piercing, sharp features and a slim but fit figure. You honestly think he could become a model if he wanted to. You could call Jiraiya the cool but serious type.

Next is Kylian Thatcher, age 18 and the guitarist of the group. Kylian is of European descent, 5'7", has wavy light brown hair, blue eyes, peach colored skin, dolphin bites lip piercings and a sharp jawline, giving Jiraiya a run for his money. He's definitely the most cocky in the group, constantly butting heads with Jiraiya when you're not around. You could consider him the bad boy out of everyone.

And finally, the twins, Loyal and Kairo Elsher, age 17, mix of European and African descent. Loyal is our drummer while Kairo is our keyboardist. They're identical twins with a height of 5'6", heterochromia eyes (one hazel and one green), light brown skin and a beauty mark under their right eye. They both have curly, colored hair, but their natural black hair is starting to show at the roots. Loyal's hair was dyed blue while Kairo's was dyed orange. The only difference between the two, minus their hair color and their instruments, was their personalities. Loyal was nervous and introverted, Kairo was care-free and extroverted.

Oh, and we can't forget our manager, Sheena Wright, age 40. She is of European descent, 5'6", dyed red hair, blue eyes, freckles, peach colored skin and has multiple ear piercings. Sheena's personality is very outgoing, she's headstrong but determined, she knows when it's time to be serious but also knows when it's time to let loose. In a way, she's kind of like a cool mom to all of us.

"Wait, wait, wait," You started, placing your hand on the table to calm everyone down. "Isn't France notorious now because there's villains constantly running rampant?" "Oh yeah, will we be safe?" Loyal sat up, instantly starting to worry. Sheena waved us off, "Of course you'll be safe! You'll have your bodyguards and Frances hero's."

"'Frances hero's?'" You repeated, not sure if you heard her correctly. "Oh, that's right," Jiraiya started, opening the conference room laptop. He started typing then projected an image of a dark blue haired female in a skin tight, red suit with black polka-dots and a blonde haired male in a skin tight, black cat suit with cat ears on top of his head. "This is Ladybug and Chat Noir, Frances hero's. They're the ones who take care of the villains." Jiraiya explained, pointing to the duo.

You sighed then asked, "When is it?" "It's in six months, you'll be doing the same tour you did earlier this year." Sheena informed. All of your bandmates look to you, their leader, for your decision. "Seems like we need to start learning French." You shrugged. Kairo and Kylian cheered, Loyal got a nervous look and Jiraiya smiled.

*Time Skip, Adrien's POV*

When I entered my class, every one was absolutely buzzing. I went up to Nino, Alya and Marinette as they were huddled together watching something with large smiles. "Whats going on you guys?" I smiled, peeking over Nino's shoulder. Marinette jumped and squeaked at my presence and Nino greeted me, "Hey dude! We're just watching the announcement for Ensnare's France tour!"

"'Ensnare'?" I questioned. "Yeah man," Alya started, smiling. "Ensnare is an American boy band that's totally amazing. Everyone in the group is super talented and not to mention super hot! And they have mentioned some of the best news I have ever heard: they're coming here!" Her and Marinette squealed in excitement. "Here, watch this!" Alya said, pulling up the video they were watching earlier.

On the screen was a... really attractive guy. He seemed to be around our age, but he had a mature air about him. His soft smile, (e/c) eyes, (short/long) lashes, clear (s/c) skin, sharp jawline, and (h/t) (h/c) hair all screamed hot model.

"Depending on when you're seeing this, bonjour or bonsoir République française! This is Ensnare announcing that we will be touring all of France in six months! The tickets will go on sale at 10 in the morning your time, so get them while you can! They're limited! And if you get the VIP tickets we all can't wait to meet you! The VIP tickets include a meet and greet before the concert, a picture with us, and a signed piece of merch! But we are giving out a handful of Deluxe VIP tickets where you get everything a VIP ticket does, but you also get to have dinner with us! The meet and greet will be after the concert though. Remember, premier arrivé premier servi. À bientôt!" The male ended with a smile and a wink.

Ba-bump

'What was that?' I shook my head. "Who was that?" I ask, pointing to the male on the phone. "That's (Y/N) (L/N)! He's the leader and singer of Ensnare! Then there's Jiraiya," Alya excitedly explained, hurriedly moving on to the other members before I could ask more questions about the bands leader. 'Oh well, guess I'll do my own research tonight.' I mentally shrugged to myself as Alya continued to explain every member to me.

"Wow, it seems like you guys really like them. Are you going to their concert?" I questioned, getting pouts from the girls in return. "We're gonna try! That is, if the tickets don't sell out." Marinette answered. "I'm sure you guys will get them!" I encouraged, giving her a smile. Her face immediately turned red and she gained a nervous smile, she started stuttering before Alya stepped in, "Well it's going to be hard since pretty much every one I know is going to try to go to that concert. But we're going to try too!" "I'm sure you'll get them, babe." Nino said, kissing Alya on the cheek.

"Wait, when you say every one you know is going to try to get tickets, does that include our friends?" I ask, referring to the other students around me. "Definitely," Alya sighed. "Well, fingers crossed." I gave Alya and Marinette a comforting smile.

*Time Skip*

"I'm sorry you guys," I tried to comfort my sad friends. "We were so close to going to their concert..." Marinette mumbled. "At least no one else in our class was able to get tickets!" Nino also (poorly) tried to cheer them up. "Still..." Alya sighed in a sad manner. Everyone in our class was bummed out that no one got tickets. And not to mention Chloe who had a temper tantrum when even her dad couldn't get tickets. Even I was a little sad that I couldn't get tickets, I don't know the band very well but I wanted to see that (Y/N) in person... 'Wait, what's up with my thoughts?' I shook my head.

*Time Skip*

I just got home after a photoshoot, heading straight to my room. After I closed my door and made sure Nathalie didn't follow me, I let Plagg out of my shirt. "Gosh! Its about time!" I ignored the kwamis complaint and went to my computer, logging in.

I went to the search engine and typed in: 'Ensnare'. The American boy band popped up and I clicked on the members. "Um... excuse me? I think you're forgetting something." Plagg flew next to me, opening his mouth. I rolled my eyes and tossed him a piece of camembert, successfully quieting him.

I turned my attention back to my monitor and clicked on the bands leader. "Hm... let's see, Y/N L/N, age 18, Ensnare's vocalist..." I was mumbling to myself as I read information about him. After a couple minutes I watched some of their music videos and covers. "His vocal range is amazing..." I mumbled to myself again.

"You seem to really be into this guy, you like him or something?" I jumped as I heard a voice in my ear. I turn to see Plagg with a smug look on his face. "W-What? N-No! I just found out about him today!" I explained, confused at my stuttering and racing heart. Plagg flew circles around my head, "Doesn't mean a thing!" He teased in a sing-song tone. "Whatever..." I waved him off.

I saw a thumbnail of a video and it looked like Y/N in an interview. The only thing was, it was titled: 'ENSNARE'S Y/N'S TYPE'. I clicked on it, curious. You could tell the video didn't start at the beginning of the interview with how it was edited.

"So," The interviewer started, "All of your fans want to know: does Y/N L/N have a secret girlfriend?"

Y/N uncomfortably laughed, "I'm not going to lie, I wasn't expecting this question."

The interviewer laughed, "C'mon! Every one wants to know!"

"Fine, fine. No, I do not."

"Wow! Really?! Why not?!"

"Haven't met the right person yet."

"Can we at least ask who your type is?"

Y/N was quiet for a bit, thinking. But he finally smirked, "Blondes."

Ba-bump

"Blondes? Like me?" I unconsciously said, making Plagg snicker in amusement.

*Time Skip*

I was eating dinner by myself in the dining room, picking at my food. "Adrien," Nathalie called out to me, "Are you alright? You seem to be thinking about something." I blushed and waved her off, "O-Oh, yeah, I'm fine." It looked like she wanted to say more, but left it at that.

In fact, I was thinking about something. More accurately, someone. I couldn't get his face or voice out of my mind! 'Y/N L/N... what are you doing to me?'

"Adrien," I look up to see the owner of the deep voice. "Father!" I stand up from my seat, pleasantly surprised and confused. "I don't have much time, but have you heard of the American band: Ensnare?" He got straight to the point. "U-Um, yeah." I answered.

"I have 4 Deluxe VIP tickets to their concert in six months, I want you to go."

"Really?!"

"There's a catch. I want you to befriend them and convince them to collaborate with me for a new fashion line. I've asked them multiple times myself, but they keep turning me down. So, go to the concert, befriend them, and convince them. If you fail, I'll be disappointed."

"...Yes, father."

"...You can give the 3 extra tickets to your friends if you would like."

"Thank you, father!"

He nodded at me and walked out. I was excited but nervous at the same time. Me and a few of my friends get to go to Ensnare's concert! But... if I can't convince them to collab with my father he'll be upset. 'One step at a time, Adrien!'

*Time Skip*

"AHHH!" Alya and Marinette screamed in excitement. "I can't believe you're taking us to see Ensnare!" Alya shouted, large smile on her face. "This is amazing! Thank you so much, Adrien!" Marinette also shouted. "Yeah man, we all really appreciate it!" Nino added, patting my shoulder. All I could do was laugh at their reactions, "It's no problem, you guys are my best friends, of course I'll take you!"

...

"Did you guys hear that?" I asked, after hearing a faint scream. Alya and Marinette snickered to themselves, "I think Chloe is a little upset you didn't ask her to go to the concert." I frowned and shrugged, "If I had an extra ticket I would."

[summercreolefanfictioner]

Headcanons about Sakamaki and Mukami hands please 🙏

touch by touch: sakamaki and mukami hands headcanons

tw: a bit nsfw

SHUU

-his hands are rough... but not as rough as what you'd imagine cause he carries this small tube of hand cream that he uses as his mini perfume

-however, you can feel his calluses due to playing the violin. well he doesn't play that much anymore but the calluses are still there to remind him of the child he was back then

-but boy what he does with his fingers will make you wild (I'll leave it up to your imagination 😉)

REIJI

-one might think Reiji's hands are soft bcos he always maintains cleanliness everywhere he goes

-nah his hands are dry like the Sahara desert cause of his frequent usage of alcohol c/o of the things he experiments

-would even try to compensate for these dry hands by using gloves while washing the dishes like those Asian moms (mommyreijiinthehouse)

-so yeah he's the typical rough hand that could touch your skin and make you melt as he chokes you into oblivion bcos he wants you to subject to him

AYATO

-hmm sometimes his hands are sweaty especially when he's nervous and that is really rare or maybe his hands are sweaty due to excitement or adrenaline rush cause our red boy's full of spunk

-he actually takes care of his hands tho, especially his nails bcos basketball players aren't allowed to have long nails

-would even go as far as to apply a clear shiny coat on them bcos he doesn't like seeing them chipped off

-even got Yui into doing this kind of thing bcos couple goals ✨

KANATO

-as someone who is a fan of fingers and such, this purple gremlin takes care of his hands

-after all, he knows how hands can have a significant impact on the way you touch and tease someone

-doesn't matter if his hand is composed of paper pale skin or bony fingers that look like they can easily bend and break as long as he manages to ghost you with his touch

-yeah like his touches and carrases are gentle but the way he skins you alive with his knife is harsh and painful

-also uses a hand cream with the same brand like Shuu's

LAITO

-HOARDER OF HAND CREAMS

-this guy has prob the most beautiful hands out of all bros like he really takes care of them

-yeah bcos this beautiful boy wants to do anything that would make him the center of attention

-diva

-his hands are not too bony nor muscular??? they're just the perfect fit

-well until he decides to do something terrible to you with them

SUBARU

-you know those hand descriptions that say "rough and muscular with veins protruding"?

-yep that's our bby car right here

-like his whole body, even his hands, should show any amount of rage he always keeps inside like the constipated man he is

-ofc there are a few bruises here and there

-as if they don't heal cause pureblood vampire genes

-guess how many people he has killed with them

RUKI

-papercuts, lots of them

-I wanna say something interesting like rough with a few bony fingers and veins popping up every time he cuts a vegetable

-but nah all this guy has are papercuts

KOU

-the same with Laito

-like btch he has an idol image to maintain so might as well take care of any part of his body so he could sell well

-talk abt exploitation jk

-he actually practiced giving himself manicures for years until he can finally flaunt them btchass fingernails 💅

-even got the signature Doja Cat nails bcos he found out some idols use them to pick their nose

-eventually removed them cause it only makes his nose bleed

YUMA

-BIG 👀

-like I swear when he spreads it out, it covers Azusa's whole face and his bros would reprimand him to be careful with them

-cause one tight grasp of his hands and he'll be sending someone to the hospital soon

-he accidentally broke one of his classmates bones by trying to pull them when they're about to get bumped by the crowd during cultural festival

AZUSA

-wounds everywhere

-I swear all of em are traced like constellations in the sky but this time constellations on his bony hands

-prob even named them after constellations too

-"Ruki what does this one look like?"

-"like Spica"

-"okay your name is Spica"

-but he will realize soon enough that it's futile to have wounds in his hands bcos it hinders movement

-so he went back to his bff Justin and added more friends there so he won't be lonely 🫂

[meraki-yao]

Another anon but please, share the nicknames🥹 I want cute things after all the chaos it’s been created because of people projecting things

Here are a few cute/fun ones that I know of!

Note 1: I'm bilingual and I'll try my best to translate it but certain things get lost in translation, I'll add the original Chinese text if you want to look up Google Translate or something, and the reason for said nickname

Note 2: A thing in Chinese nicknames is adding the character 小 meaning small/little to the beginning or repeating the same character as a sign of affection, I don't know why that's a thing but it just... kind is and has been for forever

Note 3: They use the nicknames interchangeably between the boys and Firstprince, and this has something to do with how Chinese audiences view shipping, especially in queer media which is a topic I do not want to get into right now, it would be a fucking mess.

Alright now that that's out of the way!

Nick/Henry:

王子 Prince, self-explanatory

小藍 Little Blue, self-explanatory

小王子 Little Prince, self-explanatory

貓貓/小貓 Kitty, in East Asian Culture people assign the two people in a ship as a cat or a dog, they think he's a golden British shorthair

小肥鵝 ... Chubby Little Goose. Yes, it's weird af but it got popular after a reaction video repeatedly referred to Henry as that. Two reasons: 1, Henry/Nick with kiss-swollen lips, specifically in the Paris scene reminded them of a ... goose... for some reason...? 2, um, uh, so there is a common dish in Chinese cuisine called 燒鵝 Roasted goose, and the first character 燒 （shāo）is nearly homophonic with the character for .... horny/flirtatious 騷 (sāo)... so given that scene...yeah go figure. I've seen literal fan art and fan merch of Henry as a goose. It's weird but hilarious to me.

甜心 sweetheart, fairly self-explanatory although the actual meaning it carries is close to "babygirl"

寶寶 baby, as in literal child, in fact my mom calls me that

老婆 wife, um, China, or actually as far as I know East Asians tend to feminize the bottom of a queer relationship and they're oddly persistent on positions which... all I can say is it's a cultural difference thing that doesn't have any disrespectful or harmful intentions but yeah

公主 Princess, same as above

媽媽/媽咪 Mommy ... yeah I'm gonna leave that there

Taylor/Alex:

第一公子 First son (第一 means first, 公子(gōngzǐ) is the phrase referring to a gentleman in ancient Chinese, more specifically sons of noblemen, if you watch costume c dramas you probably hear it a lot) most of the time they just use 公子 though

小紅 Little Red, Self-explanatory

太陽花 Sunflower, a simile for his fucking eyelashes

狗狗/小狗 Puppy, same explanation as Kitty, in particular, they think he's a Berner Sennenhund

美狗魚 merpuppy, like a mermaid, but a puppy, mostly due to how fucking beautiful and handsome he looks in the lake scene

老公 husband, same explanation as wife, just the opposite/ complimentary

爸爸/爸比 Daddy, yeah not gonna elaborate on that one either

Chinese fandoms, or honestly, East Asian fandoms tend to be a toxic mess (think about how notoriously toxic the reputation of k pop stans are) which is why I prefer sticking to the Western side the vast majority of the times I'm in fandoms such as RWRB, but there are some beautiful things in the midst of the mess that I occasionally check out.

Anyways yeah! That's a list of nicknames this side of the world gave the boys! I honestly don't know if it's still fun after translation but I hope this was a bit of fun????

[kolachess]

Star Struck - Explaining the conflict and cultural nuance

Those of you who have seen the Korean BL, Star Struck, probably thought it was a(nother) mediocre school BL. In a year with more and more BLs from South Korea (yay!), it might have been an easy pass.

BUT, if you’re like me, you will have really, really appreciated the refreshingly realistic taste of a friends-to-lovers dynamic, complete with a conflict that is not just over one-sided or mutual dislike of each other for once! (Which is not to say I didn’t love the BLs that had that... they’re all great. But I do think expanding scope is always admirable!)

I realized that part of the reason why what seemed to me a rather thoughtfully constructed set of characters and plot development comes across as plain boring to many others might partially be a cultural nuance issue.

So, here’s my attempt to bridge that gap and give it a little more credit than it got (at least, so far). Of course, that’s not to say I think this drama is perfect... I do think a lot of pacing / editing could have done with some improvement. And at the end of the day... it is a coming of age sort of school drama, so it’s not going to be crazy complex. And I’m also writing this after episode 4, so there will be spoilers through episode 4. 

Disclaimer: I am not Korean, nor did I grow up in South Korea, so I definitely do not have complete authority on this subject matter. However, I feel like a lot of what was happening in Star Struck might have been... unfairly overlooked or otherwise not understood by audiences who are less familiar with Eastern Asian cultural values, so as a Chinese American, I wanted to do my best to add a bit of perspective.

So. What is the root of SHJ (Seo Hanjoo) and JYJ (Jo Yoojae)’s conflict?

Certainly, SHJ’s (seemingly) one-sided crush on JYJ and JYJ’s reactive jealousy is a large part of it, but the other big part is a newfound wealth gap and how that translates into what esteem they hold each other in.

From the get-go, we can tell SHJ is very (self-)conscious about money. He knows how hard his mom has to work, and he feels guilty and early on already tries to justify to himself (and others) that some costs, like the cram school he saved up to attend, are not worth it. He’s too prideful to honestly mention his money troubles to anyone.

Although SHJ doesn’t know JYJ’s rich yet in this scene, JYJ’s financial circumstances still was better off than SHJ’s. But he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea of his best friend paying for him like that. And here’s where I’ll do some cultural breakdown.

In East Asian culture, the collective identity comes first, and the individual comes second. Meaning, people take more pride in what school they graduated from, what company they work for, what their family background is, more so than people in many other cultures. I’m not talking school pride like, ‘I’m proud to be a <insert school mascot>!’ kind of spirit. I mean that everyone in your life, in society, will measure your worth first and foremost (and often only) by the primary institution or family background you came out of. And with SHJ’s sort of background - poor, single-mother - that’s a big stigma. He’s still a rational human being though, so at least he doesn’t blame his poor mother for their circumstance (which some kids do, given all the pressure of society). But that all said, this clearly weighs on him - how his lack of money reflects on him. And if money is viewed at all similarly to how it’s viewed in China... it’s basically a measure of your capabilities and standing in society. The inability to be generous with your money is ‘losing face’ i.e. embarrassing. And so... yeah. It’s a lot of ‘dings’ in SHJ’s social profile. The kid is understandably a bit self-conscious, though he clearly tries to not let it get to him.

Fast forward to when he finds out JYJ is now ‘rich’... Obviously, he’s upset at not being told because they’re supposed to be close friends. However, he’s clearly super self-conscious about being seen as someone who’s that sensitive about money. Notice how he hasn’t actually commented / asked about JYJ ‘moving out’. (Note: I wasn’t 100% sure if this carried the implication that JYJ might be moving away, but the text message made it sound like that? Correct me if I’m wrong.) He immediately assumes JYJ didn’t tell him because he’s pitying him or otherwise worried about how he’d react because of how it involves money. And he hates that. (Which... he’s not totally wrong about. JYJ might not pity him like how SHJ is thinking, but he definitely worries a bit about how SHJ will perceive things, and it becomes this death spiral of misread intentions.)

And of course JYJ starts to comment on SHJ’s family, which just confirms all of JYJ’s worst fears. He suddenly ‘realizes’ that his best friend who he has a crush on actually walks on eggshells around him because of his money situation, which is a blow to his self-esteem, because what does that mean? That there’s a meaningful gap now in their social status and JYJ looks down on him and just never said? That JYJ sees SHJ as too delicate to be able to handle this new reality? (His insecurities and perspectives, not necessarily what JYJ thinks, of course.) 

It’s like having a close friend say something that makes you suddenly wonder if they were actually judging you this whole time, and your mind goes into overdrive analyzing every past interaction you’ve had and reading in between the lines to see if you were actually blind all this time. To SHJ, who is already a bit self-conscious about all of this... it’s a major blow. And although he says he’s only ever felt inconvenienced by his poverty... I’d say he’s being a bit dishonest with himself. Again, he’s clearly not the shameful type to blame his poor mother, but he clearly has trouble admitting his circumstances to even his closest friend.

Meanwhile, for JYJ...

...the guy is clearly struggling too. He obviously cares for SHJ and extremely mindful of his money situation, hence previously wanting to just pay for SHJ at the cafe. However, he also doesn’t want to hurt SHJ’s pride even more, so he ultimately still tosses his pair of perfectly good shoes he no longer wants despite wanting to give it to SHJ.

Once SHJ cools down a bit, and JYJ extends the olive branch, they both apologize to each other and come to an understanding. However, as is with a lot of human emotions... getting over it in the moment does not necessarily mean getting over it for good if you haven’t addressed the inner demons that spawned these bad feelings in the first place. And it’s not long before we see another issue pop up.

At this point, SHJ has had to move into the side house (and hides it from JYJ). He finds the Gucci receipt in the pocket of the jacket JYJ lends him, and JYJ immediately tries to wave it off saying it was pretty much something his mom made him buy.

He’s clearly worried about SHJ feeling bad again. He definitely doesn’t seem to care for the materialistic things as much as his parents seem to, and he even seems a bit embarrassed by it. So when SHJ brings up his big new house, he immediately tries to make light of the situation by joking about how indeed, the one good perk is that he can no longer hear his parents fighting. So that’s clearly another thing that weighs on him. SHJ is seemingly rather sensitive to JYJ’s money situation, but JYJ doesn’t really want anything to do with it at all. And the thing he really wishes could be new and shiny - his family’s relationship - is not something their newfound money could buy. In fact, it’s possible he’s even a little envious of JYJ for having such a caring mom.

Later, when he finds out SHJ has moved into the little side house / shack, he’s understandably upset that his best friend had chosen to hide this from him, that he didn’t see JYJ as understanding enough to be honest with him. He obviously also aches for SHJ’s circumstances. 

Gift-giving is a big part of East Asian culture, but there’s casual gifts between friends, and there’s gifts between everyone else. When you’re gifting gifts to someone less close, you definitely don’t want to go for things too cheap, so people tend to skew for expensive and unnecessary things because it’s part of social gestures and having ‘face’. While well-intentioned, sometimes receiving (and continuing to receive) gifts, especially more expensive ones, can make the receiver feel like they have to reciprocate in kind and continue to stand on ceremony or otherwise have this formal distance between the other person. It’s a big game of chicken sometimes, but some people’s ‘face’ won’t allow them to take a more casual, intimate approach first. This is not the main reason why JYJ gets upset of course, but it is an element.

All that compounded - he’s hurting already on SHJ’s behalf, yet his best friend seemingly doesn’t trust him enough and still tries to save face. And what’s worse, SHJ seems to think JYJ is materialistic and chases expensive things, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth - he dgafs about this kind of stuff. So to have his best friend essentially woefully misunderstand his character, continue to hold him at arm’s length / treat him with non-intimate courtesy, make sacrifices that hurt himself to give JYJ something that makes him seem materialistic and puts even more distance between them due to their economic gap... he’s pretty hurt and furious.

Of course, in reality, while SHJ not telling JYJ might be partly due to his pride, the expensive gift was purely because he was crushing hard. And cue the confession tumbling out.

-

So actually, I feel like there was a wonderful build-up of their tension, oriented not entirely on SHJ’s romantic feelings towards JYJ, but a very real issue between two people compounded by the complexity of romantic feelings.

Although I grew up away from the frontline influence of these sort of social gestures and expectations, it was still a big part of my upbringing. And I feel the agonizing indecisiveness over what to say, how to react, etc. You read intention into every gesture and word, because that’s how Asian culture operations.

I was rather surprised to see people comment that this drama was boring, but upon analysis, I did consider that part of it might be because a lot of this tension goes over the audience’s head if you weren’t brought up in that context. What seems like beautifully nuanced dance of well-intentions-turned-sour might come across as a jumbled mess of ‘being upset over unnecessary secrets’. That, coupled with some abrupt scenes that might not be tied in too smoothly, might have led to a lower evaluation.

Or it’s just my bias for a non-romantic-feelings based tension haha.

-

Anyway... curious what others think!

[wellsinvesting]

💬 Sada

"I don't call her auntie for nothing. She was the only family I had for a while. Sada's always been good to me and she never beat around the bush. I knew what I was getting into when I went into business with her." Yeah her attitude could be shit and Tad didn't always agree with her decisions, but so far the quid pro quo relationship had held tight. "She's scary as shit and I try not to piss her off too much but I don't think she'd ever hurt me or Ria." Not unless he majorly fucked up like he did with his own family. Yeah, if he'd pulled that stunt with Sada she would've strung him by the balls.

"Sometimes I like to tell people she's my mom. Which is really funny-but also sad that people believe it because we're not even the same kind of Asian."

@sadavang

[kobiiioo]

hanpunk and headcanons ⁉️🤯

ok ok so i absolutely need to talk about hanpunk’s first impression because because because

IT’S JUST SO FUNNY HOW THEY THINK SO DIFFERENTLY ABOUT EACH OTHER

WARNING AGAIN BC

just so yk that all the things below are head canons so don’t hate me 😬

lihan’s first impression of hobie:

after going on a mission with him, she literally dislikes him LMFAO

I’M NOT EVEN JK SHE’S HELLA PISSED OF HIM LIKE-

she realizes in that moment that she can’t even stand being in the same room with that guy or she’ll explode, especially due to their differences ; personality, beliefs, way of thinking.. they’re just different in every single way possible.

she’s just like that one scene in atsv where hobie introduces himself amd miles goes “this guy is killing me.” IT’S LITERALLY HER IN THAT MOMENT TOO. SHE HAD THE SAME IMPRESSION OF HOBIE LIKE MILES DID AT FIRST

but it’s nothing about jealousy or anything but just because they’re so different.

she also thinks that at some point, he’s not really responsible since hobie is a guy who likes to do things his way and if it doesn’t go the way he wants it he just won’t do it.

though he’s part of the SS and works under miguel, yall know how pissed miguel was just seeing him; lihan feels the same 💀

she doesn’t specifically hates him ?? she just thinks that they would never really get along and thinking of it, she’s kind of close minded since the universe she lives in is very conservative and close minded as well so she’s not very used with new things and automatically thinks if someone is very different to her, they’ll never get along.

but overall, she just doesn’t want to be associated with him or get involved with him in anything at all, she just doesn’t like him 😭

hobie’s first impression of lihan:

actually,

he had no specific thoughts or any opinion about her 😭

i don’t think he’s the type to really care about what people think about him and he probably isn’t interested in people in the first place, nor does he judge people’s first impression

i kind of feel like he doesn’t really believe in “first impression” things because it’s what your gut tells you about a person but it can turn out to be wrong so he stays neutral abt it ykwim ?

no? okay. 😔

also since this man is just ginormous, he’d literally see anybody smaller than him as cute even when there aren’t much height differences and since he’s tall asf he just loves to take this as an advantage to mess with people.

if you’re smaller than him he’d DEFINITELY make fun of how small you are just because he’s a gigantic twig 😰

so yeah, that’s kinda how he sees lihan when she gets mad at him and starts yelling at him, slapping his back (literally like asian moms idc). he’s just having a blast bc it looks like she’s overreacting/dramatizing.

and after going on that first mission together, he thought he could make her loosen up a bit and be silly as usual since she was all tensed and angry that day, thinking she was just stressed being new at the HQ.

so him actually saying hi and trying to interact with her was actually an act of kindness, so she won’t really feel alone and he could help her adapt here to socialize with other spider people (sobbing so hard rn they are so freaking adorable����).

but ofc doing that only made her even more angry

and ngl,

he enjoys seeing her like that.

it’s just hilarious to him that when she’s actually mad, she doesn’t do or say anything. she just stays silent and is wayyy calmer than when she’s just pissed and would just walk away from him. the only emotion she really can’t hide is anger. it’s literally written on her face and you can see the anger boiling inside of her which hobie loves to see that because it’s so unlike her to not keep her calm.

anw, he doesn’t really have a strong opinion on her like she has on him.

he’s literally chill with anybody whether they like him or not, he doesn’t get bothered or uncomfortable by that he’s really indifferent to her. (he’s the standard yall.)

the only opinion he has on her is that he definitely finds her funny in general and especially when she gets mad bc he likes to get a reaction out of her and that’s literally it. she’s literally his favorite comedian 😭

alrightieee thats all i just felt the need to talk about them so !! let me be delulu guys 🤭😍🙌🙌

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

i know we talk a lot about toxic zutara shippers who self-insert onto katara because they want to be with zuko & end up mischaracterizing both of them, but there's also a certain brand of zutarians (usually grown men on reddit btw) who self-insert onto zuko because they think he's this cool relatable edgelord & desperately want to be with katara. they are imo even worse than the former type of zutarians.

a lot of them fetishize katara's skin color & indigenous heritage, and view zuko as some kind of white colonizer they can project onto (even though he's not white & the fire nation is based on imperial japan). and the things they say about katara in the context of their ship are honestly disgusting.

it's literally animated reylo for them.

i'm pretty sure most of us wouldn't hate zutara even 25% as much as we do now if their shippers weren't so nasty, rude and annoying.

1 - Yeah, the biggest problem with Zutara has always been the "EVERYONE needs to like this, and they need to do it in the exact way I want them to."

2 - The sheer amount of times I've seen fans, mostly american fans, of ATLA completely ingnore the fact that the characters live in a pan-asian world and thus NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM is white should be more than enough for someone to owe me finantial compensation, and I'm still trying to find the person I should sent my formal complaint to.

3 - The amount of, again mostly american, fans that tend to see Katara as "generic indigenous character" instead of having a very clear personality of her own should also be enough for someone to owe me finantial compensation.

4 - Reddit is only not THE worst of the internet because 4chan and Twitter exist. I swear to God, I never got the appeal of either, and somehow the users keep getting worse and worse each year.

5 - Any guy that likes Zuko because they think he's an "edgelord" completely missed the point of the character, mainly that even at his worse he still had a kind heart. These people sound like the type that think they're just like the Joker just because they didn't do the dishes for their mom.

[songfell-ut]

Secret Santa piece for

So hi there @littlestlilies I hear you like stuff with different stuff

Merry Fransmas :3

“Is it working yet?”

“Shhh! I’m trying to calibrate it. This is a highly scientific process.”

“…You’re just hitting it.”

“Shut up! It’s scientific hitting! Dad does it all the time!”

“……Now you’re biting it. Doesn’t it taste w—”

There’s a weird crackling sound, and the bedroom is suddenly lit by the muted glow of a device powering on. “Ta-da!” The little girl does a fist-pump in triumph, then pulls the blanket further over their heads. “Let’s see…”

But as she moves it closer, the device – a square tablet with no buttons – goes completely black again. “You broke it,” accuses her younger brother, who’s hiding under the covers beside her, squinting without his glasses. “This is dumb. Go put it back in the lab before Daddy finds out.”

“Don’t be such a baby. I—” A pixellated image suddenly flickers on, and she gives him a shove. “See? It works! Uncle Chara was telling the truth!”

The boy pouts. “Yeah, but he had that weird smile again.”

“Oh, shut up. Smiles are good. Look—”

The picture sharpens. It’s a messy living room with stairs in the background and someone curled up on the couch. Another figure walks into the frame from the right, and the children nearly bonk heads trying to get a closer look. “It’s Dad!” and “Daddy!” they whisper-yell at each other.

The monster onscreen does look almost exactly like their father: a squat skeleton with red eyelights and sharp teeth, one of which has been replaced with a golden fang. But the children’s expressions become more curious, almost doubtful, because this skeleton is a little…off. Their real dad doesn’t own any black jackets or sneakers, and while he can look pretty cranky sometimes, this guy just seems mean. Maybe…

But then the person on the couch sits up, and the skeleton’s face softens. There! That looks like their dad! It’s the same smile he gives them and their mom. Who’s this one smiling at? Someone thin, in a gray jumpsuit, with something hanging around their neck…

The skeleton suddenly frowns and points to his own neck. The person turns away to tuck something inside her jumpsuit, facing them just enough for the children to gasp and point in unison: “Mommy!”

A knock on the bedroom door makes them jump. The girl shoves the device under her pillow, her brother diving back into his own bed. “Kids? Are you okay?” When the door opens a crack, they’re both snuggled up in their blankets like sleeping angels. “Hm,” says their mom, and the door creaks shut.

Neither kid moves for the count of five. Then the boy pops up: “Did you see her eyes?!”

“I know!” his sister whispers back. “That was so cool! I wish mine were gold, too!”

“Mommy is perfect the way she is,” the boy says sternly.

“I said my eyes, dummy.” The girl sits up and retrieves the tablet, letting him clamber into bed next to her as she pokes the screen. “Next!”

The device works almost immediately this time, and the kids gape at another image of their mom, this one sitting outside under a tree. She also has golden eyes, but most of her hair is up in little Sailor Moon buns, the rest hanging down to her shoulders. Her dress is super pretty, some kind of Asian style with lacy bits at her throat, gold threads, and pale butterflies on a reddish-pink background, red-and-white rope around her waist… “Is she magic?” whispers the boy.

“I think so,” his sister breathes. “This. Is. SO! COOL! Where’s—”

They both stop as their dad drifts into view onscreen. And he does drift, because he’s got a big red collar with some sort of scribbly paper hanging off it, a gray kimono, and…no feet, just smoke.

The boy’s eyes grow enormous, and the girl pounds the bed in delight. “Omigosh, he’s a ghost! Ha ha! That’s awesome! Why can’t our real dad be a ghost?! He could teach us how to haunt people!”

“I don’t want to haunt people,” her brother complains. “How could you even touch anything?”

She gestures for him to shut up, searching along the side of the device for volume buttons—they can see the ghost dad yelling at their magic mom, and she’s smirking, but there’s no sound. The girl whacks the device again on the bedpost, much harder this time. “Come on, thing! I wanna hear!”

“Shhh!” Her brother grabs at her arm. “You’re gonna break it!”

Whack. “Am not!” Whack. “It’s!” Whack. “SCIENCE!” Wha—

They freeze as a footstep creaks outside the room. The door opens faster than before, but they’re both in bed with their eyes closed right in the nick of time. Their dad squints, grunts, and closes the door.

But there are no footsteps, and the children know to stay where they are till Daddy gives up and clumps back down the hall. Another few seconds, and the device comes out a third time. “Let’s find one with us in it,” she whispers, fiddling with the now-blank screen. “Aww, come on! Work, dang it!”

“I want to try!” Her brother almost grabs it. “It’s my turn now!”

“I’m the scientist here, so you don’t get a turn!” His sister evades his lunge and plants her elbow on his side, pinning him to the mattress as she continues smacking the screen at random. “Stupid thingy!”

The boy is furious, but she’s bigger, and he knows struggling won’t help. Instead, he goes limp until she’s distracted, then digs his fingers into her sides: she yelps, scrabbling to get away. “H-Hey! Stop! Ha ha! That’s not fair!”

“It is too! You’re bad at science! Let me do it!” Her brother flails at her, but she’s hunkered down over the device to protect it, her arms tucked in to prevent further tickling. “Gimme!”

In the ensuing scuffle, they roll this way and that, and eventually manage to hit the tablet hard enough to knock it onto the floor. They freeze as it makes a big thump and then another weird crackling noise…

The device flicks on once more. The children crawl out of bed to watch, fascinated, as the image slowly zooms in and pans over a big room with a long, long table full of books and papers and glass bottles. It looks like a cross between their parents’ lab and a witch’s den – complete with a little cauldron on the table – except there’s a lot of light, and no one is doing a crazy laugh like Daddy. But then the kids point excitedly, and a moment later, they give an awed “Whoooooa!”

They’ve spotted another version of their mother, who’s wearing another pretty dress; this one is dark purple with lots of white lace, like something out of a fantasy anime. Her hair is really short, and her eyes are a neat color, like the red wine Uncle Papyrus brings over and Uncle Chara keeps asking if they want to drink. (No. It tastes gross.) She’s got a hand on her big ol’ belly and is smiling way up at their dad, who they only recognize when he sits down next to her! “He’s HUGE!” the girl squeals. “How does he fit in the door?!”

“How does she kiss him?” the boy asks doubtfully, his nose wrinkled in fascination.

��Eww!” She thumps him with her pillow. “Who cares about that? I wanna see us! I bet we’re like eleven feet tall! And no one can tell us what to—”

“Elys. Arno.”

The children freeze. The voice isn’t coming from the door, or the hallway.

It’s coming from the tablet.

The screen flickers one last time, and they gape as the image of another skeleton pops up on a black background. “It is good to see you both again,” the stranger says, smiling, the slashes on his face scrunching up. “Even if it is far past your bedtime. May I ask how you are doing this?”

Elys is too shocked to speak. “Who are you?” whispers Arno.

“A good question.” The skeleton looks thoughtfully from the open-mouthed little girl to her solemn little-er brother. “Hmm. Fell. I’m glad to see you are both brushing your teeth properly.” He glances down; it’s almost like he can see the border of the actual screen he’s talking on. “Have your parents allowed you to play with this…thing?”

“Maybe,” Arno mutters, and the skeleton just sighs.

“Grandpa?” Elys’ little voice is a croak of disbelief. “I found a picture of you once. It fell out of an album, and Dad told me I didn’t see anything. Uncle Papyrus said you were just a bad memory.”

The skeleton winces, as though his feelings are hurt. “I understand. But I don’t look exactly like him, do I?” He smiles again. “Not as pointy?”

Elys blinks a few times, clearly doubtful. “Uh…no. So, you’re not our grandpa?”

“I am not. Merely an observer from one of the places you little scamps have been observing without permission.” The monster sighs. “I am going to tattle on you in approximately ten seconds. First, though, I will advise you not to listen to your Uncle Chara. He does not have your best interests at heart.”

“Really?” Elys scowls at the screen. “What do you know, mister?”

Arno looks thoughtful, then gets up. “Where are you going?” demands his sister.

“To not get in trouble.” The boy tucks himself into bed and turns over.

“Hey!” Elys pokes the screen, and he somehow dodges her finger. “Who are you?! Tell me—”

“Nine. Ten.” The skeleton winks at her, then takes a very deep breath…

And an earsplitting sound erupts from the tablet: “STUPID DOO-DOO BUTT!”

This time, when the door flies open, their parents find a highly experimental device sitting on the floor with a crack in the casing, their daughter covering her ears and their son buried under the covers. “Elys!” scolds their mom. “What on Earth are you doing?!”

“You too, Arno,” their dad snaps. “Yer not foolin’ anyone.” The boy doesn’t move, and Sans sighs impatiently. “If you really were asleep, you’d be sittin’ up now askin’ what the noise was. Getcher butt out of bed! I oughta—”

…

Gaster never knew exactly what befell the children after that; he had had to sever the connection before anything noticed him speaking across worlds. He wasn’t particularly worried, though. That world looked like an Underlab, judging by the style of their pajamas and the use of science instead of magic, and even the Fell variety thereof tended to make good parents. Their Chara was another story, but the children would figure out for themselves not to trust him. At least the experience had been a diversion from—

“Sans,” Frisk scolded, breaking Gaster out of his reverie. “I told you, I already watered those!”

“You watered ‘em this morning,” retorted her Sans, poking an entry in their log book. “See? We gotta do it every couple hours, remember?”

Frisk peered at the book, then pouted. “Not with the white barley. We decided to try watering them only twice a day. If you tell me I’m forgetting things one more time, so help me, I will—”

Gaster watched them a moment in slightly fond exasperation. He tried not to get attached to too many worlds, but this was…different. Those other children must be having quite a time with what little they had seen here, he thought wryly, getting up to settle the argument. If their father got the device working properly and tried spying on the High Priestess, he’d be in for a surprise, too.

…Hm. Better speak with Frisk about taking measures against any further incursions, especially before this child arrived next month. There would be no Elys or Arno here – they only occurred as a pair, never separately – but that was all right. He had so few truly unique experiences anymore that he was going to be watching very closely indeed.

[googoothegodofblood]

Yo I just want to say you're 100% right about the kabru thing you posted recently. I want to add that there's also a racism element, because Kabru is very clearly coded to be fantasy South Asian, and he's a perfectly average height and build for a South Asian man! He's totally normal! Yeah he's a bit beautiful, but is it impossible for a cis man to be beautiful?

So all the stuff that makes Kabru trans because he's shorter and slender basically hinges on the idea that any man that isn't a 6 ft tall Nordic giant like Laios isn't really a man, and that Kabru's natural physical traits as a South Asian man make him unmanly...

It's basically a huge mess. People can do whatever they want, but the huge amount of content like this is absolutely influenced by sexism and racism.

Sorry for the rant! You're right.

Hey thanks for the support haha- i was kind of jumped by a couple dungi meshi heads in the past for expressing my opinion. Its nice to see someone else agree with my point that people just hc him as transgender due to arbitrary "gender roles" or whatever.

Sure you can do whatever you like, but the way i've seen people progressively feminizing him more and more has made me severely dysphoric and uncomftrable. Hooboy, the amount of trans male pregnancy art i've found of him is astonishing.

He is a beautiful man, very average for his ethnicity in height and build, as you said. The trans headcanons hinge on him being petite and beautiful-which MUST mean he was afab right? Thats a bad standard to have of afab bodies.

A lot of cis women struggle to "conform" to "female standards", and yknow my heterosexual ass loves ugly + gnc women so i wrinkle my nose at the thought of women being inherently "tiny femmy subby beautiful always sparkling like a diamond."

Sadly i was born afab, and i am none of those things- so for Kabru (effortlessly beautiful dare i say) to be deemed transgender because of his "effeminate charms" just..eh. Makes me really uncomftrable.

I've seen an argument stating "his mom forced him to wear feminine attire as a baby!" which like...is his mother meant to be potrayed as demented, evil and fucked up for it? if so..that leans into Kabru being cis- i think baby clothes trauma is kinda stupid, but if this is meant to be a plot point and a source of potraying his mother as plain evil..im sorry man but that sounds like a cis man traumatized by a fucked up mom. If he were trans then the objectification would be "normal" (not really, but it'd serve to make his mother look a little bit more sane if the child is afab instead of amab).

SO. Mff im sorry, Kabru is just a gnc guy, its still kind of sad though, it doesnt fix or nullify anything- still have some criticism of his queer coding pertaining to him being gay (masc man x fem man still leans into gender norms, guys) but i randomly decided im heterosexual (not really) , i cant speak on anything outside of the transgenderism.

You do drive home a valid point though. One i feel inclined to agree with.

[cloudslexapro]

Fic: Buddyshipping spice

It's been approximately 84 years since I last posted any fic but I owed @unfriendlyamazon a very specific buddyshipping prompt and I finally did it! Read it here on AO3 or down below! Title: The Sexual Education Of Tristan Taylor

Rating: E

Words: 1,820

Warnings: Blowjobs, first time, bisexuality, guys being dudes

Pairings: Honda Hiroto | Tristan Taylor/Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler

Summary: Tristan Taylor is bisexual, and he's finally ready to admit it, but he's never actually been brave enough to watch gay porn. His best friend happens to be a gay porn expert, and offers to take him on a whirlwind tour. What other lessons could Joey have to teach?

Tristan clicked shut both locks on his bedroom door, ignoring Joey’s shitty laugh from where he sat on the bed nearby, scrolling rapidly and clicking around on a laptop. He did feel a little stupid for being this paranoid, but his sister and both parents had the annoying habit of popping up or barging in his room at the most inconvenient and usually humiliating times. Luckily they weren’t supposed to be home for hours, but you could never be too careful when it came to watching porn, especially with your best friend. He walked across the room and twisted shut the blinds. “You wanna make sure the room ain’t wired, too?” Joey groaned and let his head fall back against the wall. “This porn ain’t gonna watch itself.”

“Don’t make me regret telling you.” Tristan folded his arms.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, big guy.” Joey sighed and patted the comforter next to him. “You’re a blossoming bisexual flower, and I promised you—”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“And I promised you I would be your gay porn tour guide. Now sit your ass down and help me pick a video.”

Tristan exhaled and crossed over to sit on the bed and scooted back next to Joey. He brushed his palms on his jeans and studied the wall of lewd thumbnails. Dicks, balls and assholes as far as the eye could see. His mom would have a stroke.

“Alright, how about starting with Swallowing My Own Cum?” Joey offered and pointed at the screen.

“Uhh, I don’t think I wanna start there.” Tristan gulped and crossed his arms. His face was already getting hot.

“Yeah, I hear you.” Joey nodded sagely and tucked a lock of blonde behind his ear. “S'kinda like, then where do you have to go?”

“R-right.” Tristan stumbled. “What else is there?”

“Here’s one,” Joey hovered the mouse over a guy ass up on the ground. “Asian Twinks Flip Fuck In The Forest’.”

“What the hell is a flip fuck?” Tristan scratched his temple. “Anyway, I don’t like when they specify they gotta be Asian. Sounds racist.”

“Okaayy, then let’s just do Heteroflexible: Closeted Virgin Gets Passionately Barebacked.” Joey cut his eyes over to Tristan’s blank stare before scrolling away. “Alright, tou-chy. Fine, here’s the winner. Hot And Randy Twink Sucks His Buddy’s Huge Dick.”

“I don’t know, seems kinda—” Tristan started.

“Dude!” Joey shook his hands in frustration. “Are we gonna watch some goddamn porn or not?”

“Fine, just click it. Do it.” Tristan huffed and clamped his mouth shut.

Joey clicked the thumbnail loudly before setting the laptop on the bed and leaning back against the wall with a thump. They watched the production company logo scroll for a few seconds of awkward silence until the screen filled with a shot of two young guys with a lot of piercings and tattoos furiously making out and writhing against each other on a couch. They were  both skinny — really skinny, not Tristan’s usual taste, but the punk look was kinda cool he guessed. Were these the kinds of things guys thought about when they watched gay porn? Probably not. He cleared his throat and watched for a long time as the two dudes played tonsil hockey.

“Is this gonna be the whole thing?” Tristan muttered out of the side of his mouth. “My parents aren’t gonna be gone that long.”

“Shut up, man. It’s picking up.” Joey nodded at the screen.

Sure enough, things were getting heated between the two porn stars. The one with a big tattoo of brass knuckles on his shoulder was obviously taking the lead as he unbuckled the one with the swoopy bangs’ studded belt. The camera drew back to show them both eagerly wriggling out of their skinny jeans and pressing their naked bodies together while they made out more. Their fingers danced across each other’s skin while they rolled their hips in time and panted breathlessly between kisses. Tristan had made out with more than a few girls by now, but even the most heated kiss didn’t match the energy on the tiny laptop screen right now.

“Not gonna lie, a lot of these clips are like half making out ‘cuz they want you to buy a subscription.” Joey’s voice snapped Tristan back to reality. “I can fast forward if you want,”

“No.” Tristan said stiffly. “I mean, uh, I don’t wanna deal with finding another video. This is fine.”

“Cool.” Joey sniffed and went quiet. 

Tattoo Guy finally broke off the kiss and Tristan’s eyes bulged as he watched the man drag his tongue all the way down Swoopy Bangs’ narrow chest to lick his pointed nipples. Tristan noticed immediately that the guy had a tongue piercing and had to wonder how the cold metal would feel against his heated skin. He guessed he could ask Joey, he was the only person he knew crazy enough to get one.

“Finally!” Joey clapped his hands together when Tattoo Guy started jerking and licking Swoopy Bangs’ half-hard dick. “We have liftoff.”

Tristan’s mouth went completely dry. The guy on bottom’s cock hardened up quickly, springing away from his body before the man above him took it in his mouth with an easy bobbing movement. The slurping sounds that filled the room made Tristan’s cheeks light on fire, and that was before the guys started moaning. Gradually and then all too suddenly, Tristan noticed his pants feeling really, really tight. He chanced a look at Joey, but his brown eyes betrayed nothing but casual interest. Tristan’s dick was getting rock hard from five seconds of a couple of twinks giving each other blowies, and Joey looked like he was watching baseball.

“I um, feel like I probably got the gist of it.” Tristan blurted. 

“What, seriously?” Joey raised his eyebrows. “They’re just getting to the good stuff.”

“Yeah, for real, it’s cool. It’s uh, very interesting. But I’m good.” Tristan shifted on the bed uncomfortably. He longed to reach for a pillow to cover his raging boner but that would be a dead giveaway.

“Uh-huuuhh.” Joey’s voice lilted. The moaning on screen got even louder as he eyed the bulging fabric of Tristan’s jeans. “I think you’re doin’ a lil’ more than good.”

“Joey, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not a good idea.”

“When’s that ever stopped us before?” Joey snorted. He reached over and casually bumped his knuckles along the ridge of Tristan’s hard dick trapped under denim. 

Tristan shuddered, but he didn’t move away. The situation, as usual when it involved Joey, was getting out of his control.

“You want me to stop?” Joey asked, his voice kept husky and low but sounding deafening over the moans and cries coming from the laptop speakers. Tristan shook his head and let out a shaky breath as he leaned back and let his knees fall open.

“Just watch the show, big guy. I got you.” Joey murmured.

Tristan turned his dizzying attention back to the screen while Joey rubbed the front of his pants for a little longer. He quickly moved on to pulling down Tristan’s zipper and he wasted no time getting out his dick to start stroking. He swiped the precum that had already gathered from Tristan’s slit and spread it down his length.

“Fuck, man.” Joey breathed out, puffing air over Tristan’s bare skin. “You got a big ass dick.”

“Y-yeah?” Tristan asked dumbly.

“Yeah, man.” Joey whispered, sounding awed. “The biggest I’ve ever seen.” 

Tristan wondered briefly just how many dicks Joey had actually seen, but the train of thought was lost as his friend licked a long line up and down the underside of his dick. He gasped out loud and looked down in time to catch a silver glint of metal flick out of Joey’s mouth. So that’s what a tongue piercing felt like.

“Fuck,” Tristan hissed.

“That feel good?” Joey asked. His warm brown eyes glanced up coyly, like he didn’t know he was rocking Tristan’s shit right now without even getting his whole dick in his mouth. “Then you’re gonna love this.”

Tristan gasped and let out a truly embarrassing noise when Joey suddenly dropped his hot, wet mouth down his cock. Somewhere next to them the goth twink was overacting his heart out, but the high moans and cries sounded far away as Tristan’s eyes fixed on the real life pornographic sight of his best friend going to town on his hard dick. He watched as Joey’s blonde hair bounced along with the movement of his head bobbing up and down. He expertly sucked on him without a hint of teeth, just soft wet skin taking him impossibly tight and deep. Tentatively, Tristan reached out a hand and curled his fingers in Joey’s hair. Joey’s own hand raised up to clench over Tristan’s and he somehow knew exactly what he needed to do. 

Tristan squeezed and tugged tight on Joey’s bleached strands which pulled the nastiest, thickest moan from his best friend’s throat. Tristan panted and bucked his twitching hips up into Joey’s tight, soft mouth as his pleasure mounted.

“Joey, I gotta stop or I’m gonna—” Tristan groaned, but Joey didn’t stall for a second. “I’m serious, I’m gonna make, hah, I’m gonna make a fucking mess—ahh, fuck!”

Tristan came down Joey’s throat. There were no two ways about it. His best friend had just sucked him into oblivion, and he happily swallowed every drop of come Tristan had to give. Holy shit.

'Holy shit' was the only coherent thought he could form. That, and the fact that Joey was really fucking good at sucking dick. That was one bathroom wall rumor confirmed. 

Joey wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled up at Tristan blearily. They sat in silence for a beat. Tristan’s hand twitched and he reached out to brush a drop of slick that had collected on his friend’s bottom lip. Joey’s smile turned wry and crooked, but the warmth never left his eyes.

“Not half bad doin’ gay shit, huh?” Joey sat up and stretched his arms over head. He reached into his pocket to check his phone and yawned. “Wanna split a pizza?”

Tristan blinked. Leave it to Joey to break years of sexual tension and move on to dinner in the next millisecond.

“Uh, yeah. But we’re getting pineapple.” He declared and started wiping down his crotch with tissues from his bedside table.

“So demanding!” Joey crowed. “Who sucked who’s dick today?”

“You are not holding that over my head from now on!” Tristan jabbed an accusatory finger.

“Pft, if you think I’m annoying now wait ‘til I eat your ass.” Joey rolled his eyes.

Tristan sputtered for a response, but Joey was already on the line with the pizza place before he could think of what to say. He still had a lot to learn.

[ivettel]

RARELY DOES WANDERING ON TWITTER send me into a more reflective mood. but, you know, with all the people saying one needs to be part of a certain country to be angry about racism against the people of that country (and wow, that's a mouthful), together with some thoughts already swirling in my head from reading r.f. kuang's yellowface, i'm thinking: in such a globalized world where asian people can lead completely different cultural lives, who gets to be the representative voices to other people?

gets to, mind--not has the right, or deserves. i think there's a very important distinction between all the terms you could possibly use. some of them imply an inherent possession, like a kind of exclusive club that one can be a member of just by being born the right (or wrong) way. some imply a forceful taking of power, a (re)claiming of sorts, with almost a tyrannical nature to the words.

-

MY CANADIAN-ASIAN FRIENDS AND I are a mix of first and second gen immigrants from east asia, south-east asia, india, etc. we frequently find ourselves talking about diversity and the like, real nerd ass shit (quote unquote) you get from mashing people in the media literacy publication together to talk about media literacy and publications. think socratic seminar, except peppered in with gen-z cringe and (un?)ironic r/im14andthisisdeep.

but for the last four or so years, a more serious thread of convo has always been picked up, that being: are we even allowed to position ourselves as voices of authority on racial matters? are we allowed to, when our particular lived experiences in this country of privilege mean we've lost touch with part of the homeland? after all, points out a vietnamese friend, i never had to live in fear for my life on a boat. then, being a conversation we've rehashed time and time again, we talk in circles.

of course you have a right to speak on the lived vietnamese experience. sure you do, you just don't have an all-encompassing viewpoint. don't act like you know everything, which you're already doing.

and it's so easy among immigrants like us to say shit like that. to say, yeah, i'm from here, but my family's from there. to say, no, i don't speak my people's tongue and be met with understanding. it's like asian-canadianness is its own culture, further alienating us from the cultures back overseas. and that's not necessarily a bad thing: it means it's okay to leave a conversation among us at that intersection of nuance, where yeah, you have an experience, and it might not be The Experience, but it's still something valuable.

when it comes to other people, however, things get messy. they always want to box you in beyond the boxes you sit yourself in.

-

"I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING my country has done to yours," says a son of parents from mainland china who didn't immigrate over, but instead sent their child to canada in the hopes that he could obtain a special-looking, foreign degree, and come back home.

he's a doe-eyed, earnest looking guy, well-meaning in his tone and the way he wrings his hands, like he's really very sorry. he's all but accosted me at a film event i'm hosting for the union. i'm decked out in CUPE colours, trying to handle talking to two other people at once, feeling frazzled and more machine than human, the way i'm running this event tightly, no wiggle room for big errors.

he's happened to overhear me offhandedly telling someone that my mom is from hong kong, and he looks like he's two seconds away from crying unless i tell him on the spot that i forgive him.

i don't forgive him. i don't know how. i don't know if i'm allowed to.

it's an incredibly strange feeling, to be looked at like you could be somebody's salvation. not even anyone in my string of exes ever looked at me like that, like if i said, don't worry about it, he could go home to china and say, the hongkongers understand. like anybody outside could understand the magnitude of violence that shook hong kong in 2019 and 2020.

i tell him, "i don't blame the people, i blame the government and greed." because it's true, i don't think the everyday working man in shanghai wanted to bring hong kong to its knees. i don't think the high schooler in beijing trying to make it past their big national exams wanted to make it rain blood over tsim sha tsui. i tell him, "besides, my dad is from taiwan, so i'm not even fully hongkonger."

which is the wrong move, because he goes ashen, and shoves his stupid doe-eyes in my face again, and insists: i'm so, so sorry.

i can't forgive him. i can't not.

what has he ever done except understand that the mainland holds my two home countries at bombpoint?

what have i ever done except grow up white?

-

MAYBE IT'S ONLY SPRING, BUT it feels like summer, and a family friend from hong kong is sitting across from me in a restaurant with her eyes downcast while she picks at the hem of her thick hoodie.

i haven't seen her in ages. i've only barely kept up with her through social media. her mom and my mom were in nursing school together, roommates and best friends. her mom was the kind of girl to get all the guys, to date all the time and fool around and be the top of the class, while my mom studied her ass off and stayed average. (and mom always says that she never resented her best friend, but i know. oh, i know.)

it's her first time out of hong kong for the last six or seven years. she's changed so drastically, i think i only recognize her face.

put yourself in my sixteen year-old shoes for a second. when i was in high school, she was one of the coolest people i knew: a female percussionist fresh out of some prestigious music conservatory in england, a basketball lover, a confident and self-assured kind of woman, worlds away from the people in my little home city of halifax.

now, when i look at her, her body language is distinctly withdrawn and uncomfortable, and her eyes keep flicking over at the myriad of pretty white people around us, who unnerve the rest of our table as well. i want to say, girl, you chose this restaurant. we could be eating good food right now. i keep my mouth shut. the only thing she does with determination is order a steak and some trendy cocktail. she doesn't ask me about my life. she doesn't open up about anything. it feels like an interview more than a conversation.

we're not even fifteen minutes into seeing each other when the revolution is brought up, and her whole demeanour changes. her mom's whole demeanour changes too. i know secondhand that they've lost almost everything in the ensuing fallout, that they've had to scrape by to find menial work they're far too outqualified for. the country should still be fine for tourists if you ever want to visit, she offers. lots of sightseeing.

i pretend not to read into it too much, but i know exactly what she's saying, and so does my mom, if the look i get is any indication.

you're not really one of us.

-

"CAN I ASK YOUR OPINION," says my mom, interrupting me while i'm slurping away at my udon like a fucking pro. this is possibly the cleanest i've ever consumed the noodles, barely spilling a drop of broth. (probably because i'm not blogging with one hand while i blindly grab at everything with my chopsticks in the other, but whatever.) beside me, my sister is scrolling through some webtoon, her bowl empty.

i bear the interruption and make a sound, something like an inelegant, "ah?"

mom has her eyes closed, her head bowed like she's seriously thinking. at this point, i'm pretty sure she's going to ask me about some social etiquette faux pas she thinks she's in the right about, again, and god, sometimes, she's so pretentious, it makes me want to give her attitude like i'm the teenager in the room.

but she surprises me and asks: "do you look down on mainland china?"

i'm half joking when i say, "fobs or real mainlanders?"

fresh off the boat, if you're not aware of the slang. refers to new immigrants from the mainland. usually sweating money, can be found noisily revving their custom sports cars, or walking around in groups like some pantomime of an italian mafia, outwardly radiating regina george mean girls vibes like they're paid to do it.

at least, that's how they're usually thought of. i've always seen them more as schools of fish trying to navigate together, almost as though they're establishing a bit of connection in a place that seems to abhor it.

i don't begrudge them for the things they do. white people are fucking terrifying, especially when you don't speak english very well, and they treat you like you're subhuman. the way they're visibly stifling an eye-roll, the way their voices get that particular edge to it, like you're testing their patience, like you're wasting their time. like they're thinking, just learn the goddamn language we use, it's not that hard. like people learning english aren't already trying.

luckily, mom is still deep in contemplation. her best friend, she explains, looks down on the mainlanders. thinks they're filthy pigs for being china chinese, thinks that knowing mandarin means you're not sticking it to the man, that everybody there is a mindless drone, and it's just not true.

(and never mind that taiwanese people speak mandarin. it's really frustrating that taiwan is always just another pawn in a larger chess game, a convenient argument to use or put away as necessary, by china or by the usa or by our own allies in hong kong.)

"it's not true," my mom repeats. "a new immigrant works in my lab, and she's very open-minded."

i don't bother pointing out that there's probably some sampling bias going on.

the real truth is, i get it: when your identity has been taken away from you, when there's a conflict between who you are and what people assign to you, you'll do anything to establish some sort of authority, change the story for yourself.

china used to be a partner. now it's an oppressor. (it's always been an oppressor for people like my dad, my grandparents, my uncle and aunt and extended family who fled with the gmd and never turned back.) chinese used to be an ethnicity thing. now it's a dirty word.

-

I'M GETTING ON THE PLANE back to nova scotia, and the white, middle-aged lady in the middle seat of my row looks nervously at me.

"will you be sitting here?" she gestures timidly at the window seat. i don't think i'm particularly scary, but maybe the mercedes jacket adds a bit of drama to my otherwise basic outfit.

everybody around me is white too, as per. c'mon, it's nova fucking scotia. they're also looking at me, because i'm holding up the last bit of the line, and what else is there to do while you wait for people to get settled.

i pitch my voice up, lean into my inner white girl private school character real fucking good as i move and smile and explain that no, sorry! i'm in the aisle seat, so i s'pose we'll just plant ourselves here until whoever sitting there comes along.

and it's like there's a collective, invisible release of tension from the people around me, but especially from my seatmate, who immediately brightens. i strike up some bullshit convo about the weather, typical complaints about the airport, y'know. window seat arrives and gets settled. we don't speak for the rest of the flight. thankfully, in front of me is a karen kind of woman with a kid around my sister's age. she's a talkative one, and it's her voice and gerard way's that keep me from being bored for the next couple hours.

when we land, it's immediate emergency alerts, and the entire plane blares to life with shocking, disjointed alarm sounds. chatter erupts after, people discussing their ties to the place in the alert with their neighbourly strangers. i've always kind of loved how wholesome nova scotians can be, or the energy they can bring to non nova scotians--everybody knows everybody by a maximum of 4 degrees of separation around these parts.

middle seat is here for a business conference, so she doesn't actually know anything about the province when we all turn to talk. window seat and karen and i make suggestions on places to visit. karen teasingly calls me a haligonian.

i walk around the city i grew up in and make note of all the changes. i break my own heart, when i can't remember what buildings stood in the place of new condos, or pits of construction. i take photos of places i used to frequent and pray that they'll still be standing when i come back again. i'm starting to think i'm not haligonian anymore, either.

-

MARTIN BESTIE BRUNDLE SAYS AN ethnic slur on live television for one of the most popular sports in the world, in front of millions and millions of viewers.

i am not one of those millions, but it doesn't matter, because the news reaches me anyway. and i scroll and i scroll and by god, i've gotta go soon, but all i can think about is hong kong, and taiwan, and china, and of course, old white people have to step in and further complicate things.

it's not that i'm not chinese. i'm chinese like i was born with a cunt like i came into this world screaming despair in the early hours of veterans day, because the universe has a twisted sense of humour and said to me, just as i left the womb: baby, war is going to define the rest of your life.

but i'm not china chinese, and honestly, i don't know what i am. my experiences are enough to give me permission to be hurt. i don't know if they're enough to give me a voice.

despite this, i have a soapbox, and i use it anyway, and i use it liberally. i get to be mad on here. whether i'm deserving of this self-righteousness, whether i'm deserving of this voice that i've borrowed, is a different matter altogether.