#he’s high on Vicodin fyi

[frownyalfred]

I know this is my own fic, but the visual of Bruce fumbling around half-asleep trying to be reassuring and just smacking Tim in the face is sending me

[turnthepage11]

Ah, welcome back to ✨Paige tells the internet too much about her problems✨.

It's been a bit since I posted! Not necessarily because I was getting fixed but because I played phone tag with my doctor 3x a day for two weeks.

I realized it's been a bit since I've updated about all this, so lets recap the major issue first.

Five weeks ago on Friday, I went to go sit at my desk chair, felt and heard a large "pop" in my left hip that I had surgery on in June 2020 and slowly my body has fallen apart. About six days later, my left leg started getting tingling, my leg muscle also getting weak.

So, with that recap, let's dive in.

Learned that the pharmacy fucked up and gave me WAY too high of a dose of percocet for one of my prescriptions (and labeled it wrong) which almost ended with me overdosing. Then got switched to vicodin... which did nothing for my pain... and then dilaudid... which also did nothing for my pain. and I refuse to take them until they're out because of their addictive properties and I'll be damned if I end up with a narcotics addiction along with all of this.

Hip surgeon called me, barely listened to me, was about to send me to physical therapy when I mentioned that my leg started tingling and he immediately said "ah that's your back and I don't do backs, go to this doctor!" So I called that doctor... and they did not do backs.

But luckily my primary doctor got me in super quick on that Friday (two days after the call). Saw me and told me that I had to get in a wheelchair because I was deemed a "safety risk" to myself on crutches.

Ordered an x-ray of my back and an MRI of my back and hips and sent me on my merry way. (This was the Friday before Indigenous People's Day in the US as an fyi).

So Tuesday, I ask if the prescription for my wheelchair has been sent. Long story short, I spent six days harrassing my doctor's office to send a prescription for a wheelchair that I was essentially told was the only reason I wasn't getting pulled out of work.

I finally got that last Thursday (six days ago). But the irony is that I am on a weight bearing limit and my wheelchair weighs more than that... and I am almost always by myself... so I have yet to pull my wheelchair out of my car since I got it...

HOWEVER, I finally caved and asked to borrow the wheelchair from my school and I use that to get around which is nice because I don't have to worry about lugging it in and out of my car.

And I get around SO MUCH EASIER now that I'm not on crutches with a leg that barely works and another leg starting to get there.

So the day I got my wheelchair is also the day I got my MRI's FINALLY approved by my insurance company (which I think was also because my doctor's office took forever sending them because I've always gotten pre-authorized in a day or two and it took fourteen days). The hospital called me to schedule... and they couldn't get me in until November 10th (and they were calling me on October 21st... so almost three weeks out from the call date). So I called my doctor's office FREAKING OUT.

Because I was already four weeks like this at the time, I'm losing my ability to walk and I am TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. I feel like there's a bit of urgency in my situation.

So I ended up getting in for an MRI at a hospital an hour and ten minutes away (and twenty minutes away from work) on Monday.

Today I got my results. I have a bulging disc in my T11/T12 with spinal stenosis. (However, it's not severe). And they told me there is no surgical intervention, only physical therapy (which sounds like hell on Earth at this moment). I got referred to a spine doctor three hours away to double check my prognosis, however my doctor noted that my pain is severe, daily living skills affected (for example, I had to put my shower chair from my hip surgery back in the shower because I can't handle standing unassisted in the shower for longer than two minutes).

I'm hoping I'll get a call from them tomorrow with an appointment that's before Thanksgiving... I'm desperately hoping.

And I learned today that my principal also has some type of autoimmune disorder (based on a discussion about medicine I've taken for my rheumatoid arthritis) and it made a lot of things click. And it was just nice for her to finally realize just how bad I've been, and how much I'm scared and I want to be at work because I just want some fucking normalcy in my life.

She told me to keep being a strong self advocate, that I'm a child (it's a running joke at my school because I'm the youngest teacher there but also the teacher with the most experience out of all the staff under the age of 30) and this isn't normal. And she talked about how I'm literally younger than her own children and she was so sorry this was happening to me but that I'm going to figure it out and she'll support me however she can (which I don't necessarily trust just based on previous actions, but I think that she finally came to realize that all my sick days were actually that... sick days.)

So hopefully I'll have an update that's more positive by Friday. But I know what's wrong now, and it's not life threatening... it's just not great.

[saintsurvivors]

an uncomprehensive list of places Angus "for fuck sake put that back" MacGyver has been banned from, either temporarily or permanently, compiled by his loving and long suffering partner and best friend Jack "Handsome Devil" Dalton;

Approximately ten different paintball and airsoft places, mostly for blowing shit up that shouldn't have been able to have been blown up in the first place and for getting no less than eighteen kids under the age of ten to revolt against their team mates, join his side, and bombard everyone in the entire paintball place with hand grenades packed with garish paint

An actual think tank that was very unhappy with the fact that mac had been able to solve their apparently unsolvable cryptography program that was going to be put in place for security for the pentagon and then other high profile several places of interest and then saying 'that was easy, got another one?' Also, because he stole thirty seven pensthat jack doesn't want to know what the kids done with, bc mac is apparently a pen kleptomanic?

A science museum because they'd got the information on what jack honestly hopes is a dummy corpse, and mac just had to climb into the exhibit and redo the info bc mac is a grade a nerd and then ended up going on a tangent to anyone who would listen about the history of the exhibits and went into such details the actual tour guides didn't know what the fuck he was on about.

The phoenix research labs temporarily after somehow managing to arm the very very dangerous rocket kept there for research with nothing more than a gum wrapper and bc he 'wanted to see if he could do it'. FYI, he managed to do it. (To his credit, Matty, he managed to disarm it with the same piece of gun wrapper.)

His own apartment bc he tried to cook and bozer wasnt there to help and Riley is as shit with fire hydrants as she's good at computers. They don't talk about that.

His fathers office after James got an equation wrong and mac solved it and stuck a post it to the board with the words 'thanks son' in a passable forgery of his fathers handwriting. James, apparently, didn't appreciate the sarcasm.

Jacks apartment after being able to replicate the minions fart gun bc jack asked him too and didn't think he'd actually be able to do it. jack knows better now.

The closest animal rescue shelter to his house bc when he was concussed and high on vicodin that jack had forced him to take, he'd laid down in the middle of the shelter, allowed the dogs to just dog pile on him and then tried to abscond with about fifty dogs that he insisted were vital to his survival.

The second closest animal shelter to his house because, in a separate incident of when he was concussed, shot and high on prescription pain meds - seriously kid, we need to get you a painkiller that doesn't send you so freakin' loopy - he had shut himself up in a tiny cage with a teeny tiny paralysed kitten and managed to rig up a bastardised wheelchair. This normally would have made the shelter very happy but it the fact he'd cannibalised their crash cart.

The CIA because apparently he makes their analysts and engineers look like fools. They get grouchy whenever they see Mac, like little chihuahuas.

His last two mandatory therapist's because he made them cry. They won't breath a word of why. Jack dreads to think of why.

Mama Daltons kitchen down in texas bc "that boy of yours jack wyatt could curdle water, he may be a genius but he ain't got a lick a' commonsense." Mac knows better than to argue.

All of the phone stores around his house and the foundation. very self explanatory. not good for insurance.

jacks precious shelby gto bc he made the back seat look like a crime scene bc he wasn't wearing his seat belt, he was messing with a doohickey and Jack had to break. It took six washes for all his blood to come out.

Two top secret that definitely don't exist military bases bc the top brass thought he was threatening them by explaining how he could make a frag grenade with nothing but one of jacks many, many bullets, his shoelace, and a ton of fucked up pens. The other one is bc he nearly blew up a good third of thr base bc he and one of their top demolition experts got too excited over their prototype rocket launches. jack had many regrets and matty a lot of phone calls

Quantico FBI headquarters bc, whilst consulting as an engineer there, was so sleep deprived that he managed to rewire their entire computer network with varying degrees of success to sing iron maiden whenever turned on at full volume. He has since been allowed back on the stipulation that he has a handler with him. That handler is often jack or riley who often let mac do his thing bc mac is mac and they are weak to him.

[kahayaya]

2/24/2020

Out here in Privette on USF. P sure no one knows where tf that is, but iykyk.

Anyways I’m listening to EDM songs and its currently playing Hard to say Goodbye by Ekali. I seem to always stick to one genre every season. Last semester, it was all about the K-Pop, last summer it was all about J-Pop, specifically Aqours. I don’t really understand why I like listening to these types of music. I guess its one of those things that click with me at a perfect time in my life. I really don’t listen to the lyrics, when I probably should be listening to them. I mainly listen to beats. But anyway, the song I’m listening to makes me feel some type of way. I feel sad but also happy? The song is p much about what the title describes. I’m fine with how it is, but its hard to say goodbye because it ended off on good terms. This reminds me of Eren, cuz it did end off on good terms. And it was Hard to Say Goodbye. I stuck around for a while. But when it started to affect me, that was the line. To say officially goodbye. I’m not sad, but happy because it was the mark of a new path to take. So IDK, maybe I am listening to the song’s lyrics but some other songs don’t click with me, which makes me think I like a song that goes with a electronicy feel accompanied by lyrics. GOD DAM this sun is blazing and its a nice feeling cuz it was cold this morning. SOrry brain trailing into its own thoughts. 

I guess I can write down my thoughts on my current family situation.

 Lets start off with my parents. I think they are doing fine, but they are not at the same time. They are constantly taking care of my sister, who to simply put, a brain bleed from the drugs she used. My parents are constantly busy and stressed. It's sad because I always think of the conversation with my mom saying this is the life she did not want. She wanted to be at peace and for her children to continue with themselves. But nope, my sister is essentially handicapped and my brother is just barely living. I feel really bad, which puts immense pressure on me to succeed. But sometimes I also feel that my parents want me back at home. They want comfort from me, who is doing exactly what they wanted me to do, which is successful, while my brother and sister are not what they envisioned. My parents will show their unconditional love no matter what, but I’d say I'm the favorite among them. As for me, I feel distant from my parents. Short story for maybe another post, but with my parents, there is always the same argument being brought up, with conflicting on my mom or dad wants to run things. And because of that, sometimes that gets taken out on me. Then after the argument, it is like nothing happened and we continue. The cycle keeps on happening and I get annoyed, which is why I feel like I'm distancing myself, alongside the fact that I am becoming more independent with my life in SF. I feel bad, but at the same time its nice not having to face with that. I feel bad because they made sacrifices that got me here, which is something I will never forget and pay back. I’ll make an attempt to give them a call each week, cuz they are after all my parents. I think in another post, I’ll go into more detail of what my mother and father are like. But they are an interesting duo.

Now moving on to my other two siblings. First off my brother. I defs looked up to him when I was small. I thought he was cool and I was going to be him when I get to that point of stage in life. When I was young, I use to play beer pong with his friends in the garage of our house. I didn’t drink alcohol, but I’d do it with a soda or water. That was really fun. The parties were fun and most of his friends were cool with me playing. That was fun. I think my brother and I had a cool relationship. I didn’t really open up to him though, in a sense I didn’t tell him the details of school or the ones I liked. It was a weird way to describe what happened but I felt like a brother but I didn’t connect like a brother. And I feel about him the same how I feel today. My brother has def changed since going to college and when he worked as a nurse. My brother is now shut in his house working for like GrubHub or something who delivers food. My brother never tells me anything going on his life. All news comes from my parents. I never ask my brother often to hangout, despite the fact that we literally live next to each other by a 25 minute walk. I’m not too sure how I feel, but I know that we are not really connected with each other. My brother is currently trying to apply as a case manager for hospitals, but I heard he got rejected due to no experience in that specific position. So I hope he find a job and gets back on his feet. I also forgot to mention he is in debt, that my mom tells me that debt collectors are coming to him. IDK how he got there, but he was not money managing. Which he also took advantage of my parents when he was helped with in college. He said he needed money for college and his loan, but he’d be spending it on vacations and his ex girlfriend. My brother went through three relationships, all of whom I did not even connect with. My brother was suppose to get married, but it got canceled. I think that event really changed my brother and really turned him down. He never brings up anything about it, but its only up to him if he wants to talk about it. There’s soooo much more to talk about my brother, but all in all as of right now, he is in a tough position and he’s bottled up his feeling at Haight Ashbury.

Now for my sister. My sister is defs one I was more closer with, but at the same time not. ITs the same situation with my brother, but only last year did I start telling her more personel stuff. As a child, my sister was the one who was rebellious and always fought with my parents. At the time I was lost and confused on wtf is going on. She had cuts and scars on her wrist. She had depression. I was somewhat grasping the idea of what that was back then, but its more clear now why she did things. but my sister was crazy, again she had three relationships she went through. Her first ex was a homeless person, idk how they met, but he would live in our house. Honestly, he was a cool dude. He was the one who got me into gaming. Due to some complications with the relationship, they broke up. This person though got back on their feet and is doing alright now, which im happy for him. The next boyfriend rolls and he was a fucking crazy dude. This second boyfriend literally was a druggy and would smoke a lot. I remember my sister and him would play video games a lot and I would occasianlly join them in the MMORPG called Aika. But this ex was a bad person. He would literally steal my parent's meds, which were very addictive meds. We’re talking Vicodin and morphine kinds of meds, which my parents needed for their surgeries. But he would steal them and Im p sure my sister and them took drugs. FYI, my whole family was on pain meds due to accidents they actually had and spine injuries that happened. This person was crazy and not really respectful. I remember I was sleeping in my bed, and I saw my sister and him having sex. My room is connected to a balcony and as well as my sister’s room. That stuff was a bit weird to see, and at the time I was like 11 years old? Things happened where my parents kicked out this dude out of our house and things broke off cuz it was a lot. My sister threating to cut her self cuz of the fighting. It was crazy and chaotic. Years roll on by and Im in high school and my sister recent ex. This dude was quiet. Asian dude and also liked to play video games. This dude would never talk to me, it was weird. This relationship ended quickly due to him cheating on my sister. The dude was also a pedo too, he was dating a highschooler, who was not 18 and this dude is like 25 yrs old. WTF. but yea i think this post turned into a relationship analysis. I learned a lot from those relationships and I took into account when I was going into one. But its a different dimension out there in the world of relationships. And because of the relationships my sister and brother had, it really defined them and somewhat destroyed them. My sister turnt to drugs, especially Esctaty and was a raver herself. Which is why she is in the position where she is in now. Handicapped and bedridden as of right now. I don’t know the outlook on how much she can do now, but shes having it rough. I truly feel sad for her, but at the same time, she created this timeline. But my sister and I i felt like getting a bit closer to her recently, but then distance ourselves again. IDK my family situation is weird, and IDK how to describe it. Maybe if i layout the events, someone can describe my relationship with my familiy. But one thing is for sure, and that we all love each other, when we do call for something, my family will do its best to do it. But the friends I built here in SF felt more connection with me and resonates with me. More than I had with my family. Esp Alex, where I yearned for in a friendship. I’m about to start work in 3 minutes, so I’ll write later on random thoughts or something comes up. IDK. Peace out strangers on the web.

[haveihitanerve]

DC IF NOT DAD WHY DAD SHAPED?!?!?!?

I know this is my own fic, but the visual of Bruce fumbling around half-asleep trying to be reassuring and just smacking Tim in the face is sending me