#just this decending list of utter fuckery

[saintsurvivors]

an uncomprehensive list of places Angus "for fuck sake put that back" MacGyver has been banned from, either temporarily or permanently, compiled by his loving and long suffering partner and best friend Jack "Handsome Devil" Dalton;

Approximately ten different paintball and airsoft places, mostly for blowing shit up that shouldn't have been able to have been blown up in the first place and for getting no less than eighteen kids under the age of ten to revolt against their team mates, join his side, and bombard everyone in the entire paintball place with hand grenades packed with garish paint

An actual think tank that was very unhappy with the fact that mac had been able to solve their apparently unsolvable cryptography program that was going to be put in place for security for the pentagon and then other high profile several places of interest and then saying 'that was easy, got another one?' Also, because he stole thirty seven pensthat jack doesn't want to know what the kids done with, bc mac is apparently a pen kleptomanic?

A science museum because they'd got the information on what jack honestly hopes is a dummy corpse, and mac just had to climb into the exhibit and redo the info bc mac is a grade a nerd and then ended up going on a tangent to anyone who would listen about the history of the exhibits and went into such details the actual tour guides didn't know what the fuck he was on about.

The phoenix research labs temporarily after somehow managing to arm the very very dangerous rocket kept there for research with nothing more than a gum wrapper and bc he 'wanted to see if he could do it'. FYI, he managed to do it. (To his credit, Matty, he managed to disarm it with the same piece of gun wrapper.)

His own apartment bc he tried to cook and bozer wasnt there to help and Riley is as shit with fire hydrants as she's good at computers. They don't talk about that.

His fathers office after James got an equation wrong and mac solved it and stuck a post it to the board with the words 'thanks son' in a passable forgery of his fathers handwriting. James, apparently, didn't appreciate the sarcasm.

Jacks apartment after being able to replicate the minions fart gun bc jack asked him too and didn't think he'd actually be able to do it. jack knows better now.

The closest animal rescue shelter to his house bc when he was concussed and high on vicodin that jack had forced him to take, he'd laid down in the middle of the shelter, allowed the dogs to just dog pile on him and then tried to abscond with about fifty dogs that he insisted were vital to his survival.

The second closest animal shelter to his house because, in a separate incident of when he was concussed, shot and high on prescription pain meds - seriously kid, we need to get you a painkiller that doesn't send you so freakin' loopy - he had shut himself up in a tiny cage with a teeny tiny paralysed kitten and managed to rig up a bastardised wheelchair. This normally would have made the shelter very happy but it the fact he'd cannibalised their crash cart.

The CIA because apparently he makes their analysts and engineers look like fools. They get grouchy whenever they see Mac, like little chihuahuas.

His last two mandatory therapist's because he made them cry. They won't breath a word of why. Jack dreads to think of why.

Mama Daltons kitchen down in texas bc "that boy of yours jack wyatt could curdle water, he may be a genius but he ain't got a lick a' commonsense." Mac knows better than to argue.

All of the phone stores around his house and the foundation. very self explanatory. not good for insurance.

jacks precious shelby gto bc he made the back seat look like a crime scene bc he wasn't wearing his seat belt, he was messing with a doohickey and Jack had to break. It took six washes for all his blood to come out.

Two top secret that definitely don't exist military bases bc the top brass thought he was threatening them by explaining how he could make a frag grenade with nothing but one of jacks many, many bullets, his shoelace, and a ton of fucked up pens. The other one is bc he nearly blew up a good third of thr base bc he and one of their top demolition experts got too excited over their prototype rocket launches. jack had many regrets and matty a lot of phone calls

Quantico FBI headquarters bc, whilst consulting as an engineer there, was so sleep deprived that he managed to rewire their entire computer network with varying degrees of success to sing iron maiden whenever turned on at full volume. He has since been allowed back on the stipulation that he has a handler with him. That handler is often jack or riley who often let mac do his thing bc mac is mac and they are weak to him.