#he’s been educating himself on my bpd and wants to support me in any way he can | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-spicy-butter-bandit · 7 years ago

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Self Diagnosis: Why It’s A Problem

Warning: Very Long Post

I’ve been seeing a lot of self-diagnosis stuff in the Tumblr community lately, and I want to address some concerns and dangers of doing so that I have, and that many people have. To start, I want to say I am personally 100% against self-diagnosis of any illness, disorder, or treatable disability.

Firstly, the purpose you even have a diagnosis is to get treatment. If you aren’t professionally diagnosed with something, you cannot get accurate treatment through medication/treatment that has to be prescribed by a doctor. I know it’s fucked up for people who don’t have adequate/have no health insurance, and it fucking sucks. I know man. I’ve been through it myself, and spent years agonizing because I ultimately knew I had a condition, but couldn’t do anything about it because even if I could afford the treatment, I wasn’t properly diagnosed, so I couldn’t get the medication that I have now that ended up making my quality of life 100% better. If you feel in your bones that you do have a condition that needs to be treated, you need a genuine diagnosis by a doctor/registered nurse/health professional that will allow you to get treatment. I feel if you don’t have a diagnosis, then you shouldn’t get medical treatment, mainly due to the facts: what if you don’t actually have this thing, but have this other thing that is very similar but the treatment is vastly different? or, What about the people who could use excuses to get certain medical treatments/priority due to the condition they claim they have but have no proof? (see: Adderall abuse by those who do not need it, mainly for the use of getting high and/or selling it on the street; people who claim to be disabled to get handicapped parking hangtags/medical equipment that could be used by someone who is actually disabled).

Secondly, there are many dangers with self diagnosing. Like, so many dangers - some of them being having a wrong diagnosis, and therefore living their lives believing they have something that they don’t; creating a “culture” inside of a typical “I have this” community (a lot of this being autistic culture on Tumblr - people being complete dickwads claiming to have autism and chalking it up to acting that way because they HAVE autism, all the while stating they are self-diagnosed). It creates a social stigma about a group of people who have a certain diagnosis to everyone else and could very easily put them in a very bad light. This is, in no way, even remotely okay. I saw a post a while back they roughly stated, “Well, I have BPD, and when I’m mean to you, it’s my alter personality saying it to you and NOT ACTUALLY ME so therefore you shouldn’t be angry about what I said to you.” I later checked this person’s blog, and it was chocked full of things they have self diagnosed themselves with: and entire section in their blog description: “MY SELF-DIAGNOSISES (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧” with about thirty different illnesses/conditions/disabilities. This is definitely not okay (and just to clarify, yes, I do still remember the URL of the person who said this, and no, I will not give it to you because I don’t want that person getting hate in despite how vile their actions are to the BPD community). Even if they did have BPD, it’s still no excuse to act that way, especially without an apology.

Thirdly, it’s like… kind of offensive to medical professionals? You’re basically saying, “I’ve read on the internet about this thing that I [think I] have, and your several years of post-secondary education and degrees for trying to diagnose the things people have means absolutely nothing.” I mean, it’s just straight up rude. Imagine you’re a musician in a professional musician band/orchestra/whatever, and you’ve spent years studying music and music theory and learning to play your instrument(s), and you meet someone one day who says to you, “Oh, yeah, I play music too! I can play hot cross buns on the piano and read a little bit of sheet music! So I’ve got a lot of talent, and you and I are basically equals in the music industry.” Like… um, no, you aren’t. You haven’t studied music for years. You don’t understand what it actually takes to be a musician on that kind of level - working every single day for your livelihood based on your talent and years of practice. You don’t know that kind of struggle. It’s the same for doctors (there is a reason why it is called practicing medicine: because every day there are new diseases, treatments, and discoveries that you have to keep up with and learn about and how to diagnose and perform them).

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t read on the internet about things you suspect you have. It is very healthy to be knowledgeable in something before you go into your appointment to discuss with your health care professional. It shows you are serious about your health and genuinely want help with whatever you are going through. If you can’t afford to go to a regular doctor for a diagnosis, there are many options, such as

Finding a local healthcare clinic in your local area. The NAFC is a great place to get started.

Reaching out to support groups online. There are many forums for many different things, a lot of good resources being on Reddit.

Reaching out to a charity that will help you get diagnosed professionally and possibly fund you for medical costs. You can find the charity that is most likely to help you with your plight on Charity Navigator - this website breaks down charities by how much of their donations is spent on their causes.

And this is just to name a few. If you need more options, seriously go to some forums and ask around about what you can do about getting a diagnosis and treatment. It’ll help immensely.

Now, I’m going to give you a small hypothetical story based on how the real world usually works and not how the ideal world works.

Sam genuinely feels like he has some form of a bipolar disorder. He researches common symptoms, and feels he has nearly all of them. This is a great relief to Sam to know that although there may be something wrong with him, he is not alone. Sam self diagnoses himself with Bipolar Disorder. Sam is fresh out of high school and is starting a part-time job as a cashier at a local grocery store to help pay for his higher education. Some days, Sam is the best worker, and he conducts his duties with flying colors. He is sometimes so hyperactive and jittery that he is able to do twice the work of someone else in his position, although there are the downfalls of not thinking straight and making mistakes upon the way - however, that doesn’t matter as much to his boss as much as it matters he is actually trying and being productive. Other days, he is slow and just trying his best to keep himself from breaking down and quitting his job altogether, deciding staying alone in his room and staring at the ceiling with no feelings or emotions. After a while of these drastic changes in work performance, Sam’s boss calls him into her office.

Boss: “Sam, your work performance has been shaky lately. Sometimes you are the best working I have, and other times you can’t even make it through your shift and have to leave early due to ‘home life.’ I understand everyone has things going on at home, but I can’t just have you leaving in the middle of your shift once a month.” Sam: “I’m sorry ma’am. I try really hard all the time, although I have a bipolar disorder that keeps me from doing the best I can every single day. It comes in waves, ups and downs, and both states can last anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of months. I’m really sorry.” Boss: “I understand, but there is no way I can keep an employee who can’t do their job when they have depressive episodes so often. It’s not good for the company, and if you can’t perform your duties I’m going to have to ask you to find another form of employment, or I’m going to have to suspend you for a while until you can sort out your medication.” Sam: “I can’t get medication for my condition.“ Boss: “Why not?” Sam: “I haven’t been diagnosed. I can’t get the medication without a doctor’s prescription.” Boss: “Then how can I believe you actually have what you say you have?” Sam: “I’ve looked up all of the symptoms online, and have studied this mental illness that I know it forward and backward. I know I have it.” Boss: “I need you to get a diagnosis if you want me to believe you. If you have what you say you have, you obviously need medication for it. I’m going to have to ask you to turn in your nametag if you can’t provide proof”

Now Sam knows it is illegal for an employer to require proof of any illness or disability in his state, but that does NOT mean that they still won’t ask for it and possibly fire him for not furnishing lack of proof. Like many people, if Sam DOES get fired for lack of proof, finding a lawyer and getting the resources for defending his case will not only eat into his funds and time that could be spent looking for another job is extremely inconvenient and even counter-productive to his everyday life. If there IS a monetary payout from the settled court case, it would take far too long to get it to be able to live on the funds he had saved up, causing the issue of whether or not he could survive long enough to see the payout. But the point of it is - not having a confirmed illness and then blaming your actions on said illness makes the people who have the illness look bad. If you somehow DO have this illness and haven’t yet been diagnosed, there is no way for you to get help so you are able to cope with normal society.

These are common issues withing the mentally ill community. Many people go years wondering what is wrong with them and hiding their symptoms from people, and those people who need help will be taken less seriously by society because those who don’t need help will continue to blame their actions on their illnesses (I’m not saying all self diagnosed people do this, but the vast majority of those I’ve seen on Tumblr and people in real life who are on Tumblr in most of their free time tend to do that).

I’ve found through years of experience in these communities that people who are actually diagnosed by medical professionals tend not to want to talk about their illnesses and/or disabilities. This is entirely normal. It’s normal not wanting people to know your business. How many self-made wealthy people (re: not people who have inherited a large sum of money, i.e. Trump and the “rich kids of [whatever]”) tend to brag about all the money they have? Not many. Most people keep their finances to themselves. It goes the same for those with illnesses and disabilities. Do you expect someone in a wheelchair to meet you and immediately discuss why they need a wheelchair? No. Take Annika Victoria for example. She was a YouTuber for years before she showed the world her disability. She didn’t talk about it, she didn’t whine about how hard it was to be disabled, because it didn’t really have a place in her videos. She didn’t she it as necessary to flaunt her disability to the world. And that is 100% normal.

Now, I’m going to reiterate:

Self diagnosing is toxic because it cannot get you the treatment you may need that requires an actual diagnosis. (Ex: Got cancer? Can’t get chemo/radiation/surgery. Yes I realize this example is kind of on the extreme side, but it’s a base of principle.)

It is dangerous to the communities that have those illnesses/disorders. You can’t claim to be mentally ill and expect to be taken seriously when you use it as an excuse if you aren’t actually diagnosed with that mental illness.

Claiming you definitely have an illness and not bothering to check with a health professional is the equivalent to saying their years of practice and research is worth absolutely nothing solely because you fit with some symptoms on the internet.

Before I go, I’m going to clear up some personal stuff about me for you. I know this goes against the “it’s normal for people not to talk about their personal issues” statement I made, but I’m doing this before some social justice warrior breaks out the “Ableist!“ chant because they assume I don’t know and haven’t gone through the struggles mentioned in this post:

My name is Zoe. I typically go by Quex online because it is a name I made up that sounds like it could either belong to a boy or a girl (many people online like to judge a personal experience someone shares to them based on their gender. I would like people to assume who and what I am based on my experiences and my opinions to keep things more anonymous). I am 19 years old, I live in an apartment with my Mexican boyfriend of 6 years in the good ol’ U-S-of-A. You can find my boyfriend’s (mainly inactive) Tumblr here.

I am chronically ill. I’ve been going to at least two doctor’s appointments every week for the last month because the doctors can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with my body (my general practitioner has an inkling that it might be postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, so she is soon referring me to a cardiologist). I cannot work because of this and will need to soon claim disability benefits or find a job that is not too demanding on my body for whatever my unknown condition is (I cannot stand for too long or I pass out. I cannot look at a screen for too long because I will get severe migraines that will cause my vision to fade).

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia, a rare form of bipolar disorder, in 2016 (age 17).

I was diagnosed with severe depressive disorder in 2007 (age 10).

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder in 2008 (age 10).

From these things, I get manic and depressive states, which can come with, but is not limited to: sleep schedule irregularities, menstrual cycle irregularities (induced by stress), hallucinations (mainly auditory, but occasionally visual), lack of enthusiasm, suicidal ideation, lack of energy, compulsiveness and lack of or severely intense emotions.

I have been admitted to psychiatric facilities three times for either attempted suicide or nervous breakdowns.

I have been through several different medications over the years, and I am currently on three: a mood regulator, an anti-anxiety and an anti-psychotic.

My family at one point could not afford a doctor to help me, and I had to rely on school counselors to help me get through my hard times (please people, if you’re in school and are having emotional troubles, please go build a relationship with your counselor - they are there to help).

I was a victim of child abuse.

I was a victim of rape.

I grew up in Alabama, where there can be far more social stigmas about illnesses (parents telling you to “get over it”).

I am recovering from anorexia/bulimia (clean since 2016).

I am recovering from self harm (clean since 2014).

I am a recovering drug addict (clean since 2014).

I often use Crisis Text Line to get through tough situations and mental states when I have no one else around who can help me.

So yes, I know what you all are going through. I do. And it fucking sucks. But that is no excuse for you to claim you have an illness without proper diagnosis, and even more so to make up excuses because of said illness(es). I don’t tend to talk about what I’ve gone through on Tumblr, because despite being a “safe space” for people with mental illness, there is still a lot of stigma and toxicity here - even more so than in real life. That, and honestly, it’s none of you guys’ goddamn business… but I’m willing to share for the sake of this post, and so hopefully someone can get help if they’re going through something. Please, if you need more resources, feel free to message me and I’ll find something for you. I will answer most questions about my experiences to a degree - some experiences I’ll share more about, others I won’t share more than what I’ve already said. I’m going to do this because I want people to know it’s okay to not be okay, and for them to get the help they need - especially because I’ve been diagnosed and know what I actually have, and what the hell my conditions are about. Please, please, if you believe you have a condition, talk to your healthcare provider. If you’re having trouble being able to do so, refer to my resources near the top of this post. There is no shame in asking for help, and that includes asking for help to be able to get help.

Thank you all, and have a wonderful day.

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