#he’s a moron and a menace and I love him with all my heart. your slander comes from a place of annoyance. my slander is from amusement.

[applecherry108]

The tumblr fyp is based on what the people you follow like. Much of the time it’s fairly obvious where one’s fyp is coming from, others are mysteries to be solved.

And I swear to god when I find out who’s been liking character-hate posts I’m gonna unfollow you so fucking fast—

[anakin-dovahkiin]

You're Not Weak

Summary: Dealing with slimy and stupid men can really put a hole through your self confidence and faith in yourself. Anakin is there for the aftermath. Snuggles ensue.

Notes: Anakin x fem! reader, soft Anakin, clonebois are the best, and f the patriarchy my dudes. Wrote this literally at 3am contemplating life... so if you're in the same spot, you're not alone. ANDDD there's Anakin hugs for you!

You are a Jedi. You are qualified to do what you do. And yet, simply because you’re a woman, you are cast aside and degraded and made fun of for trying to be a leader. It is exhausting that almost every world you travel to has a fricking patriarchal society that makes you want to tear your hair out. 

This time, you were explaining your part in the war effort to some leaders of this particular planet. The goal was to convince them to allow the Republic to use some of their abandoned land as an outpost against a possible Separatist threat. 

But of course you are not taken seriously.

“And what is your battle experience? Making some rocks float? I doubt with how little you are you could lift much anyway,” one mutters loud enough for everyone present to hear. The other men around him snicker, and you have to resist the urge to Force-choke these assholes because this happens so damn often you’re afraid you’re going to lose it. 

Your clone Commander, Emjee, takes a furious step forward but you stop him with a hand to his chest plate. 

“I know how to engage in combat, I would not be here if I didn’t,” you try to say as calmly as possible.

“Guess Jedi take anyone these days, even the weak ones,” another one says and the cackling continues.

Emjee tries to step forward again but you continue to hold him back. He instead cracked his knuckles, trying to look as menacing as he could with his helmet still on—you know if he was to take it off, these men would be scared shitless by the clone Commander’s intense glare. He was particularly good at those.

Not as good as Anakin, though.

But he wasn’t here, and you shouldn’t have to need his help to get through to these morons anyway. 

Somehow the situation worked itself out—after hours of talking, to the point where Emjee stepped out for a bit—but you couldn’t get rid of that sinking feeling in your stomach as you board the transport back to your command ship.

“Those idiots don’t know what they’re talking about, General,” says Emjee, and he removes his helmet as he does so. “You are one of the strongest Jedi in the Order, and anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong.”

You chuckle. “I don’t know about that, Commander. But I do appreciate the sentiment.”

“General Skywalker says it all the time to me and the boys, he’s even got Kenobi singing your praises.”

Your smile fades at the thought. Anakin was so much stronger than you, so much better than you, and if it ever came to a fight you know you would lose. Not that you would ever fight the love of your life, but still. It almost felt… patronizing to think about him trying to boost your ego. You know that wasn’t what he was doing, but after today you can’t help but overanalyze everything any man has ever said to you, even him. 

He doesn’t deserve to be placed in the same category as those… dumbasses, and you hate yourself even more for trying to relate him to them. 

“Anakin is too nice to me,” you mumble, forgetting to call him ‘General Skywalker’. “And so are you, Emjee.”

The gunship jerks as you dock in the hangar inside your venator class cruiser. You start walking towards your quarters, but Emjee stops you when he taps your shoulder. The Commander still looks a bit peeved by everything, and though you don’t want him to be upset, it warms your heart a bit to see someone angry—besides Anakin—on your behalf, defending you.

(You haven’t seen Anakin in months. Your relationship was a sad little thing because you missed each other terribly every time you separated. You hoped this war would not last forever, that things could go back to the way they were when you could simply exist without something being expected of you. Then, you could be together in the Temple and bask in each other’s light.)

“I… hope I’m not overstepping, Sir, but I contacted General Skywalker while you were negotiating—”

You furrow your eyebrows. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Well—”

“I can do this on my own, trooper! I don’t need anyone’s help to do anything, I am perfectly capable—”

“Woah, hey, calm down,” a voice says behind you and warm hands grab your shoulders and a warm presence attempts to meld with your own, but you don’t let it. You feel like you’re being overpowered, undermined, and you know that isn’t happening but you can’t help how much the sinking feeling affects you.

It’s Anakin behind you, and normally you would be resisting the urge to embrace him and squeeze the living daylights out of him. It’s been so long, after all. But right now you just feel cornered.

You shove his arms off of you, unintentionally making a bit of a scene that has other troopers stopping their work and looking at the three of you. 

“I am going to meditate. Alone,” you say, and you almost say ‘please’ but you know you do not need to ask for permission. You are no longer a Padawan, you’re a Knight, and you know what you’re doing, even if everyone makes you feel like you don’t.

You walk away out of the hangar towards the elevator. You can hear Anakin behind you talking to Emjee.

“You did the right thing Commander, I’m going to talk to her. Anyway, it’s been a long day for you I’m sure. Rex and Ahsoka and a couple 501st are in the mess if you wanted to see them and grab some food? I can take it from here.”

Your heart lifts a bit at the mention of Ahsoka, but you’re too tired to try and find her. Maybe once you sleep, the sinking feeling won’t be there once you wake up. That was normally how it worked. Anakin was never here for these moments, though. You had no doubt he was going to follow you to your quarters. You didn’t have the patience to wait for him, but you also didn’t have the energy to shut him out.

You’re laying on your bed in your quarters staring at the wall beside you. Sleep eludes you, and it is probably because you can sense Anakin’s presence on the ship. Knowing he is so close but refusing to ignite your bond is honestly a bit petty on your part, but at the moment you don’t really care about being sensible. Your whole relationship wasn’t exactly sensible, anyway.

Your back is to the door so you don’t see Anakin when he enters, but you hear him and hear the door close behind him. 

“Would you please look at me please?” he says softly, sitting down on the ground beside your bed. 

It makes your heart clench. “You said ‘please’ twice.”

“Because I’m begging to see your beautiful eyes.”

You laugh half-heartedly. “Sure.”

“Please?” he asks again, and the request is so genuine, you can feel its purity and purpose in the Force.

You turn over to meet his pale blue eyes. His hair has grown just a bit longer since the last time you saw him, and you love it. He also must have had a campaign on a rather sunny planet recently because there is an added color to his face that makes him look, well, good and healthy. You feel like a pale blob with dead-ends for hair and a weak, small body.

His eyes widen with genuine love and awe, and he scoots a bit closer.

“There you are,” he says. And that’s where you lose it.

Your face scrunches up as you try to hold back tears but you fail in about two seconds. Anakin hesitates to touch you, waiting for your permission of some kind, and you grant it to him by reaching out your arms for him almost like a baby. It’s humiliating, but it’s just you and Anakin, and he knows you. 

He rises from his seated position and crawls into your bed while wrapping his arms around you securely. You weep and cry like a youngling into his chest, and he strokes your head as you shudder with each sob that escapes you. He kisses your forehead every now and again before allowing you to rest your face in the crook of his neck, pressing the bridge of your nose into his pulse-point. 

“What happened, my love?” he mumbles against the crown of your head.

“Men, just, underestimating me. It’s like they know I’ve been injured, that I’m weak, unsuccessful—I just, I can’t take it. I… I can’t believe there are people out there who would say those things. But they’re right; I suck, I’m terrible at everything—”

“You are so brave, so strong, the strongest person I know. You’ve been injured in battle, and worked your way back to being on the front lines. You connect to the Force in a way that I wish I could, and I’m part of it! These are just objective facts. I know you, and you are so intelligent, courageous, kind, and just so… so wise. I would be lost without you, and I love you.”

His words bring you comfort, that sinking feeling finally dissipating ever so slowly. “But it shouldn’t bother me this much. I am a Jedi. I have to be better than this.”

“It is something you should never have to experience, and if I had my way, those sleemos would be—”

“Anakin…” you whisper, shifting your head up so you can meet his eyes once again.

He sighs. “You are dealing with this better than I ever could. You know how I would react… you’re so much better than me. I just wish I was worthy of you.”

“You’re my favorite person,” you say, gazing into his beautiful ocean-eyes. You pause for a moment, content to drink your fill of his gaze. Once you are content, you nuzzle into his chest once again. “You’re worthy of so much more than me.”

“No,” he says before pressing another kiss to your head. “I could never be worthy of you, my love. I don’t think anyone ever will, because you are an angel.”

You hum, wrapping your arms around him so you can rub circles into his back. “There you go with your poetic metaphors.”

You can sense his smile in the Force so clearly it’s as if you could see it. “That one isn’t a metaphor.”

“Mhm,” you mumble, smiling to yourself. One of your hands wanders upwards and now you play with his hair and it is so soft between your fingers that you could honestly do this for hours.

He kisses your head once more. “You’re gonna put me to sleep,” he warns, and it makes you giggle a little bit.

“Sleep, then. Force knows you need it.”

“Only if you do,” he says indignantly, but you can hear the sleep in his tone. 

“Not to worry. I’m already halfway there,” you say, nuzzling into the warmth of his body again as he pulls you impossibly closer. You almost feel like crying again because of how safe he makes you feel, but you don’t want to worry him. “I love you, Anakin,” you say aloud, but you mostly send the message through your bond in a wave of soft blue and warm yellows.

You think for a minute that he’s asleep already, but you can tell he’s not when he sends you back just as much love and admiration, if not more, through your bond. 

A tear that isn’t yours drips onto your face as he says, “I love you so much.”

With your Force presences entwined, you both fall into a blissful sleep and take a much needed rest. Just having Anakin with you like this helps whenever you start to feel that worthless slimy feeling, every single time. It’s like clockwork, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. You love him so much, and you can hear the Force sing in sweet harmony each time you are together. Your sleep is dreamless, but it is full of warmth and a sense of softness. It feels like home.

…

When Ahsoka comes looking for you both because she wants someone to spar with, she checks your quarters first. That’s where Emjee said you both would be, anyway. Not to mention she could sense the bliss and serenity in the Force because of you two from probably a system away.

She opens the door and sees a sight that warms her heart. Both you and Anakin are entwined, both in an embrace and in the Force. He holds you protectively against his chest and your hand rests in his hair. You’re both asleep, and Force knows that as Generals you need it.

Ahsoka knows the rules about attachment. She’s always known her Master struggled with them whenever it came to you. But it was hard to see any reason to keep you apart when the Force sang whenever the two of you were together.

Not to mention, Ahsoka found your “secret” relationship unbearably cute. Anakin always had a front of strength and coldness when leading troops into battle or dealing with enemies, even when talking with other Jedi. But with you, he was himself. Your bond was something she wanted to have for herself one day, and looking at the two of you right now, a thought occurred to the young Togruta. 

Your bond needed to stay strong, you needed to stay together, and Ahsoka vowed to herself she would do everything she could to make sure you both remained entwined in the Force like this for as long as possible. She wanted to see both her Master and you happy.

She turned on her heel and closed the door as quietly as the durasteel would allow. Smiling to herself, she tiptoed down the hallway, making her own grand plans about how to uphold her vow. 

Maybe Master Kenobi could help her…

[skyeslittlecorner]

Hey so like I did a little bit of something by combining my last remaining braincells and delulu power to creater the what i call- Gabriel and Michelleel's first meeting✨

With both God disappearing after Solomon's death and their one and only divine Seraph—Lucifer joining the devils below because of some 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙨𝙩 everything in heaven had gone astray.

Gabriel was simply walking around heaven, checking to make sure 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨. Hoping that one day 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯.

It was one of Gabriel's weekly schedule to make sure Michael is 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 every angel they had and also making sure Raphael is 𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 any of the useful one's. As God's most trusted, 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘥 and 𝙈𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙝 it is Gabriel's responsibility to control and manage what God had given him too.

With his constant presence and pressure scaring the angels its no doubt that the 𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬 has to do thrice the effort than everybody else. And in this place quite distanced than where the seraph and other higher angels are, gabriel saw a green dove.

Stand away in spotlight, a green hair 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 than the bluish sky of heaven—eyes with the same colour shining and shimmering everytime the light reflect 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

Gabriel hadn't noticed he moved closer to the angel until he now looking straight at the surprised 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘷𝘦 in front of him.

“You. Speak of your name and Rank.”

Gabriel simple stated, his look of cold expression menacing the other's that had formerly crowded around the green angel, the one in front of him looked down in an instant—𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨.

“I am Michelleel from principality, sir Gabriel.”

𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺. The third lowest rank of angels. This—This 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘷𝘦 is that 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬? So he is useless. Gabriel couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed but even after leaving without a word, 𝘎𝘢𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮—𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦��𝘭.

There is something attracting him towards that lowly angel and Gabriel couldn't figure out what it is. It was then he took something from the shelves where all 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 angels are written, scrolling and 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 for Michelleel name until he finally found it.

This attraction gabriel felt towards that 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘷𝘦 is something.. Something similar what he feels towards God. Is god guiding him towards that lowly angel? Is god telling him something? 𝘠𝘦𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘭.

The next day after that event, Michelleel received a news that seraphim gabriel had assigned Michelleel into a position 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘳 than his rank—to be Gabriel's right-hand man.

It's a news that indeed excite and made Michelleel happy even after the questionable unknown reasons on 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘰𝘸. Nonetheless, as Gabriel's new trustworthy right-man Michelleel should do his best to pleased 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩.

We dont really know Michelleel's actual personality since i dont think his been shown(???) so Im just having a delulu headcanon here about him. Also sorry if gabriel sounded ooc i dont know how to heckin write huhu

Gabriel being done with his brothers sounds sooo real lmao I love your little dribble, him being struck "this. This one, I want it" and completely convinced that God choosed Michi and not his own heart what a sweet moron

Let me sail too~

Michelleel had never felt as special as he did that day. He didn't expect this. Get a promotion? And not as the head of the department, but the personal assistant of the Seraph? It is impossible. Could he be sure this isn't a dream?

Every nerve in his body twitched as he stood in front of Gabriel, looking at him with pure adoration. His innate desire to worship someone, idolize someone, his heart ready to love without hesitation were delighted. This perfect being, always so distant, looked at him with what seemed like a hint of interest. The more mundane strings in his brain called him a blasphemer for thinking he could interest Seraph. The only thing that they see is God. His wings, pressed tightly against his back, fluffed like a baby bird's.

Gabriel lifted the corner of his mouth - or maybe Michi just thought so? - and pulled out one of the feathers sticking out from his wings.

“The Lord has shown you to me as His instrument.” He began enigmatically, examining the long feather before his eyes. “You will be my messenger, like a dove with a green olive branch that brings peace to the world. You, too, will be a herald of new beginning, so that everyone knows that cleansing from filth is coming.”

The lower angel's heart almost jumped out of his chest at the sound of the holy voice. He knelt in a low bow.

“I am at your every call, Seraph Gabriel.”

For that brief moment, Michi felt more favored than by God himself.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Thank you for your response and reflection. Definitely one of the best analysis I have read about them in a long time. Thank you for being honest and holding the characters to what they actually do, and how the text is trying to guide the narrative of them, instead of the fandom's perception.

I don't think I have encountered this argument for their relationship before (I mean I might have, over the years… but I couldnt remember when) , but it is absolutely valid, because it's reassured by the text.

Later on Equius does mention to her that he 'shudders to think' what he might ended up as, were it that Nepeta was not his moirail.

And this what the text tells us, as in, what the point of moirallegiance is. Trolls are described as an angry race, who need the help of others to avoid causing damage to themselves or their surroundings.

In essence this is a effed up responsibilty. Everything about trolls is messed up but. If you think about it, even this is too. Like "I dont really care for or like that guy but somebody needs to hang out with them or theyll kill everyone". This is the kind of shit Alternian kids need to think about. Kids and fun.

Yes he definitely *tries* to mold her into something of his own image, but fails, because Nepeta is resilient and also because he is a massive screw-up. Like an ineffectual villain that destroys his own doomsday device, and makes himself look like a complete imbecile.

And yes Nepeta is indeed just simply a nice person. As you said, she is an optimist, and because of this, a little naiive. She can detect bad intentions but still wants to give a chance to basically anyone. In the chaotic and cutthroat world of Alternia someone like her wouldn't really fit in, but she still manages to survive and keep being an optimist.

I definitely like this being added to their narrative because it makes them imperfect.

And yes. That is something that is important. Because now, meowrails no longer have this 'pristine perfect model relationship' flag hanging above them, as the fandom so graciously awarded them this honor.

I admit I am a complete and utter hypocrite, because I too was always a part of those people who loved to sing praises about meowrails to the moon and back.

I still do, I still love them. But I think it's important to take them as they actually were. Instead of always living in tooth rottingly sweet headcanonland. So with all this, I feel like this pairing gained some layers as far as my interpretation goes.

It's a complicated matter. He's misguided and doing shit that is morally wrong, but aligns with the stuff he was taught. She thinks he's putting up an unnecessary front, but doesnt have the worldlyness to really dig into it. She's a little disconnected from everything, but can sense the potential goodness in all. He, as a blue blood has privileges that were granted to him, and even encouraged to do, so he tries to single her out and shut her off from the others. Even Eridan had black flirt-flarping sessions with Vriska. But when most trolls would try and completely avoid him, this one, Nepeta, stuck around. He can't let that go. He can't let her hang out with potentially dangerous trolls. He doesn't want to be alone.

She can do without him though. But she's afraid if she's not around he might do something that everyone would regret. So she sticks around. Its scary. He looks really menacing. But then ends up kind of genuinely liking him? Because he is actually less rigid than appears to be.

It seems they're getting the hang of it. All of Nepeta's mannerisms rub off on him. It's real psychology, we all adapt our friends and surroundings way of being in small ways. It really seems like they have made such progress.

And then they were gone.

But the point is, Nepeta is struggling with complicated, multi-layered feelings regarding him. Not to fall off too much into romanticism (because I will like the bleeding heart moron I am), but I think that's great, because it makes it seem more real. It wasn't the absolute most perfect relationship that popped out fully formed from Hussie's head. No. Like real relationships there's a bit of hurt in each of us. We don't always mean to hurt those we love. But sometimes we end up doing it anyway. The question is, if we can learn from these points of our lives.

Him failing at a critical moment, perhaps the most critical moment in paradox space, was all that bad shit finally catching up with him.

That's why I agree with Hussie now. I know him now, like you do Hussie. And yeah a massive force of whiplash was always heading towards him, courtesy of the universe.

But the aftermath is important too. I remember how I always feared that the actual meowrails reunion would be absolutely completely bitter. Just cuss him out and leave him to rot. I always thought, "well that's what he deserves", so that's what he'd get.

But the eternal shining light of friendship proved me wrong. All off-screen of course (nepeta already furgave you for that). Figures. But still. Maybe we can continue after the hurt feelings? After the damage? Maybe we can start over? Maybe we don't have to burn the bridges? Guess we'll never know. It doesn't make it easier IRL neither. I don't know if holding on is a good idea. I don't know if Im letting them 'get away' with stuff, or if Im using them for my own purposes. I dont know if Im holding them back or if its other way around.

But for a small, fleeting moment it seemed like friendship was real and unrelenting. And that's all I cared about.

This is wonderfully put, anon. This might be the first time I've read such a thoughtful reflection of Meowrails that acknowledges the relationship's flaws, yet still comes out with a positive outlook on it.

Though our preferences may not align, I find your perspective valid and I can definitely understand the appeal it holds for you. Thanks for sharing this with me.

[havikshoochiemama]

My Star Wars Acolyte rant >:(

This shit is not proofread LMAO it’s 5 am i’m mad leave me alone just me being the hater that i am 🤭

I originally wasn’t gonna talk about the Acolyte because clearly the show was just another emotionally immature shitty Disney cash grab with horribly written characters BUT DUDE i keep seeing ads and stuff on my tumblr NONSTOP and i’m actually sick of it .. most of you guys saw one Tumblr Sexyman and just went ham with that…We as a fandom need to stand up because Disney doesn’t care about star wars imma keep it a buck they just want to make their next mcu and they just greenlighting anything at this point

“oh but i like Andor” yeah that’s like what ever 10 shows they make they make one good one that’s not good 😭… anyways like i was saying they are literally pulling shit out their ass they are getting shit from the star wars legends that’s it’s own universe and putting it in…like excuse me ??? those books don’t follow the events of the movie so why would your show that allegedly takes place before the movies (I said allegedly because writers can’t even get characters ages right ) also i’m talking about that bs w the helmet that stops lightsabers… apparently it’s called cortosis from legends never once mentioned in any of the movies (i’m not watching them live action shows idgaf i like SOME of the animated ones) but they use it as a Mcguffin when they want bc they never built on this they just stole it from legends LMAOAA you just can’t do that  i’m literally about to pop a blood vessel 😭 i’m not watching that show again but let me critique the shit i do remember… also the “Gayest Star Wars we ever made” KEEP MY PEOPLE OUT YOUR SHITTY WORK !!! but after that man who’s to edgy for a name killed all her friends she “loved” she’s sees his face and is like wow 😍 literally thinkin with her pussy very hetro of you 💀 gah this show just pisses me off star war at its heart is a fuckin space opera and i dont think disney understands that. i literally fell in love with star wars back when i played battlefront and watched all the movies read as many comics and books as i could get my hands on and seeing something you love become something you hate is fuckin sick and crazy it’s started with me from the force awakens that movie is horrible you bitches say pretty graphics and said oh good movie 😍 NO NO it literally was just a new Hope setting everything that luke did back making him basically useless LMAO and they butchered the old characters to help the new ones which are really not that great 💀 i’m still mad that them used Finn as a token black person 😐 i could rewrite the force awakens better same characters and all and yk actually do something better (joking i would if Disney paid me to)LMAO also i hate kylo ren don’t get me wrong i love my cry baby tantrum throwing villains but he’s nawt it LMAO i’m sorry this is a rant about the shitty show YALL NOT READY FOR ME TO SPEAK ON THE FORCE AWAKENS 😭

yeah i hate that show i literally don’t wanna talk about it anymore heart emoji 😝 remember when people said the Phantom Menace was bad yeah…  at least it have character development atleast it had good world building atleast the universe was establish and yk i liked it but the prequel’s have always been my favorite clone wars literally came out on my birth year >:3 it was made for me 🤭 but i’m just a whore for world building and lore yeah… umm idk to me start wats ended with the return of the Jedi 🗣️

dont @ me idc this is my opinion and if you want to continue meat riding corporate greed that literally is ruining my fave franchise pop off if you liked the show i don’t care good for you (your def new gen star wars fan)

also Darth Plagueis ?? LMAO WHAT they just doing anything i see and why where all the jedis fuckin morons … okay ? and your main character sucked you don’t get the satisfaction of character arcs like “her joining the dark side” if there was no character building to begin with like ? it not to late Disney just burn it get it over with. Also it’s all so Fuckin boring LMAO also i can talk shit about character development and arcs all i want bc i’m writing my own novel and i’ve did a lot of research even tho this whole rant is a mess it’s 5 in the morning give ur girl a break i just really like my silly space movie okay 🥹 i literally spent a band on the Star Wars encyclopedia leave me alone

Um if you wanna argue my comments are open <3 i love arguing i’m somewhat of a scorpio myself

[elegantmusicdragon]

Nameless

Part 7 of Love, Animals, and The Stolen Goat

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x AnimalHandler!Reader (f!Reader; nicknamed Panda)

Rating/Warning: M! Language - a few f*bombs. REALLY crude references to sex - the word blowjob is used once. Making fun of celebrity names. 

-------------------------------------------------------

You still didn’t know Dieter’s real name. 

Like, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t really THAT important. But it was the principle of the thing! The two of you had had sex at least sixteen times at this point - listen, rocky road ice cream has magical properties and it may have lead to the best four rounds of sex you had ever had back to back. Dieter was a freak in the sheets and you were grateful for it. 

You just wish you could be grateful for his REAL NAME. 

And you had tried to pry it out of him - like you pulled out all the stops. The funniest jokes you ever heard - 

“PANDA JESUS CHRIST DON’T MAKE ME PEE MY PANTS!” 

Buster snuggles - 

“Aw, who’s a good boy? Who wants chin scritches? Is it you? Is it you??” 

Margie knee mashing - 

“Margie for the love of all that is holy stop. That hurts!” 

Lingerie - 

“Good god, Panda. Are you looking to give me a heart attack? Get on the bed before I kick it in the best way possible.” 

And the absolute best blowjob you had ever given in your entire life - 

“Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no.” 

You still didn’t know why he started saying that right as he came, but you decided that some things were better left a mystery. 

And now you were curled up on your couch with Dieter’s head in your lap, Buster’s head in his lap, Margie snoozing in her portable bed, and Simon (the menace) sitting on the cushion behind you and attempting to whack your hair. 

“Simon, I swear to god if you don’t knock it off I will sell all of your mice toys and force you to eat wet food when we all know you hate it.”

Simon meows in retaliation, but stops. He knows the stakes here.

Dieter glances at Simon.

“Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll just have to get you some more dangles to play with so you stay away from your mom’s hair.”

He looks up at you and winks. 

Aaaaaaaaand your tummy is full of butterflies - dammit. 

NO. NO. NO PANDA. FOCUS. NAME. 

You clear your throat and begin to gently rub Dieter’s arm, tracing over his triangle tattoo. 

“When’d you get this?”

Dieter snorts. 

“Hell if I know, Panda. Cocaine fucks you up.”

“Oh.” You nod, a frown framing your face. Defeat. Damn. 

Dieter sees the dejected look on your face and grimaces. He clears his own throat and attempts to not make himself look even more like an asshole than he thinks he has. 

“Uhhhh. So despite my constant use of cocaine, I’m pretty sure I got this in Morocco. We were filming Desert Evening and a bunch of us decided to get tattoos because why the fuck not, y’know? Anyway, this guy Mo and I decided it would be cool to get triangle tattoos since it’s the most underrated instrument. Again, want to reiterate I was COMPLETELY high on cocaine when I made this decision but…it’s grown on me.” 

You smile. 

“That’s a fun story, Deet.” 

“I mean, I look like a moron in it but I’m glad my cocaine stories amuse you.” 

You laugh, and he starts laughing too once he sees your mood hit an upswing. 

“Why you so interested in the tattoo?” 

You gulp. Fuck. You didn’t expect him to go straight for the jugular, immediately. FUCK. 

“Well….you mentioned when we first started to hang out about your name…and-”

The deepest look of fear flashes over Dieter’s face instantaneously. RETREAT. RETREAT. 

“Butifyoudon’twannatellmeit’sfinejustforgetIsaidanythingwowlookathetimeit’s-”

He sits up so fast, Buster gets knocked off his tummy. Dieter puts his hand over your mouth. You see Buster in the corner of your eye on his back, staring at Dieter with fiery betrayal in his eyes. He whines, rights himself, and trots to Margie’s bed where he gets in and snuggles with her. Where is your camera when you need it? 

Dieter sighs. 

“I know the hand over the mouth thing is super shitty, but what I’m about to tell you will shake you to your very core and I’m not exaggerating when I say that, Panda.”

You nod, his hand still over your mouth.

“Mppph, mpph, mph.”

He smiles at you. 

“Okay. Thank you for understanding.” 

Dieter takes his hand off of your mouth. You stare at each other. Nothing like awkward silence to fill the void. Dieter clears his throat.

“Promise you won’t make fun of me.”

You nod as solemnly as you can. 

“I promise.”

He sighs. 

“Benicio Barros Ribeiro.”

You blink. Wait, what???

“Benicio?? Like Del Toro?”

“YES like Del Toro, why do you think my stage name is Dieter??” 

“I HAVE NO IDEA! WHY IS IT DIETER?”

“I LIKE MARLENE DIETRICH! SHE IS A VERY FINE ACTRESS AND I ENJOY HER WORK!”

“OKAY THAT’S A VALID REASON!”

“OKAY THEN CAN WE STOP YELLING??!”

“OKAY!!”

You look around in your post yelling haze. Buster and Margie glare at the two of you with bleary eyes. How dare you wake them up from their cute snuggly slumber? Simon has fucked off to who knows where; you’re pretty sure he’s in what he thinks is his super secret hiding spot - directly under your bed. Dieter’s face is beet red in what you’ve deemed to either be embarrassment or irritation. Deciding enough is enough, you shove him back down onto your lap and start running your fingers through his hair aggressively. If you can’t pet Margie to calm your nerves, you WILL pet your boyfriend, dammit!

It’s uncomfortably quiet for the next six and a half minutes before -

“Hey,” Dieter starts and clears his throat, “Sorry for shouting. Didn’t mean to scare you or the babies…my name is hard to talk about.”

You nod smally.  

“I just don’t understand why you’re embarrassed about the name Benicio…”

Dieter chuckles. 

“Oh it’s not the Benicio part that I find embarrassing.”

NOW you’re even more intrigued. You gently tug on the strands of hair you have gripped in your hand, eliciting a small moan from Dieter - you grin smugly. Now’s your chance!! Go for the finishing question!

“Which part is?”

Deet is so lost in your meticulously orchestrated hair playing, that his next words just slip out. 

“My middle name is Engelbert.” 

You stop, shocked. Dieter moans in frustration, oblivious to what he’s just revealed to you. 

“Engelbert?”

The spell is broken. Deet’s eyes widen in abject horror before they meet yours. 

“You mean, like, the singer?”

He covers his eyes before shouting - 

“MY MOM LOVES ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK!! AT LEAST IT’S NOT FUCKING ELVIS!” 

Well, he has a point - you have to give him that. And you add, just to hopefully make him feel better about his ridiculously hilarious middle name - 

“It could be worse - it could be Meatloaf.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Part 7.5/Interlude: Bravo, Bravo, Bravo

A/N: This was a word vomit chapter written in two days and good golly gosh am I proud of this one. A lot of different sections literally made me laugh out loud! Only about 3 more parts to this story! I’m sad to say goodbye to Panda and Dieter but I have the perfect ending for them in mind! Thank you all so, so much for your continued interest in this story! It’s so fun to write - I really enjoy getting to flex my comedic muscles in this type of writing!

P.S.: My Aemond Targaryen fic only has one more part coming so if you’re interested in arranged marriages and falling in love despite that, go check it out! I’m also currently working on an Almost Famous inspired story featuring our boy - Jack “Whiskey” Daniels! Shout out to Blue and Amneris (tagged below) for expressing interest! It’s gonna have a more serious tone compared to this series, but I’m enjoying planning it out. Love you all like peanut butter loves jelly!

Tags!!

@blueeyesatnight

@amneris21

@oonajaeadira

@apsiringghostmusicians

@a-trial-run-on-paper

@grampsgirl14​

[nomorefstogive]

Hello, sorry for the delay I have ben trying to update my Azur Lane fic...given that the next chapter is shaping up to be about 40k words I think you can see how well that has gone lol. 

With that said, let us begin this little review with the bot that I can see becoming a true menace if he is ever told about a certain scene involving the phrase “Witness Me!”; Rocky. 

the idea of this armor clad figure running headlong into masses of enemies and detonating, only to emerge from the smoke cloud unphased as he continues charging forward like a perpetually exploding bull is a very entertaining and frightening one. Especially in regards to how others would react to the scene and the chaos this living bomb can cause.

Here is hoping him and Klee never meet, or if they do, that Jean is on standby...better yet, and after some further reading, it may be best if Klee’s interactions with all of them are kept under supervision of a responsible person (I.E. not Alice, Kaeya, or Venti).

And before we move onto the next one, given Rocky’s fondness for being launched I am reminded of a scene from LOTR: The Two Towers, where Gimli says he needs to be tossed. Now I am picturing Rocky asking someone to toss him and them doing so, unknowing that they have just thrown a walking tactical nuke, straight into the heart of their enemies. 

Next up, we have Yoimiya’s new best bud in the form of the flying artillery emplacement named Branga. 

I like the idea of this flying warrior being the type of person who looks like a walking war machine, only to be a gentle giant that tries to pick flowers with his far too large fingers to give to a little kid. 

I can see him getting along with Yoimiya a great deal due to not only this fondness for making children happy and their shared love of fireworks, but also due to him being a somewhat responsible figure, as opposed to the other Himbo of Inazuma. 

Speaking of the Oni Himbo, I can see him getting along with Itto due to the two of them being the type of friends to do everything in their power to help, though I feel that Branga would be the much more responsible one of the two, much to Kuki’s absolute delight at having someone else to help her keep an eye on her idiot boss.

Next up, we have the guy who attempts to be the best emotional support he can...only for him and his brother to probably wind up staging a re-enactment of the Three Stooges during their attempts, Pedor. 

I like the idea of this guy being the embodiment of a lovable moron, he tries his best but just cant seem to get it right, but in the effort of trying he winds up succeeding in both helping and making others happy, a genuine lovable oaf. 

As for his brothers, the idea of them firing missiles and rockets loaded with their kin at their enemies, makes me wonder if being blast-proof is a species wide trait, or if they are just that willing to take their enemies out with them. 

I get the feeling that he is pretty much seen with fond exasperation by the more mature and adult individuals, while the less mature and children look up to him with amusement and happiness. 

For some reason I feel that him and Bennet would get along quite well. 

As for their airship...yeah let’s keep Klee and Alice as far from it as possible okay? 

Perhaps several continents away would work best?

And lastly, we have the fact that they can combine into a Voltron-esque mecha that can one shot mountain ranges...yeah I can't really say anything other than the fact that I think Sandrone and Dottore would be very interested in seeing what they can do especially given their ability to puppeteer Khaenri’ah tech.

Again, sorry for the delay in sending this, and I hope you and yours are staying safe and healthy. 

Meet the Springans.

Springans is a portemanteau between spring gun and Spriggans, which are legendary creatures from the fairy tradition of Cornish mythology.

The "Springans" monsters are soot-based life forms wearing missile, torpedo, and cannon armor. Some, such as "Rockey", can fold their bodies into their respective weapons to attack. The bodies were built by Kitt and ferrijit. The thing is harr did not create the spriggans, therions and splights directly instead what happen was harr with Mardel created the energy that created them or the source of their existence. The energy is what allows beings of energy to manifest a physical form as both the therions and slights are made of electricity while the springgans are manifestations of dust, soot and ash. It was called the spark of life. Supposedly this energy is what made Frankenstein's monster come to life.

Meet Rocky

Rocky is not that smart. Rocky loves Kitt. Rocky loves to be launched. Rocky and the rest of spriggans live in a desert known as gulgonda. That place is much more dangerous than Sumeru desert as the threat of wormholes and a giant serpent. Rocky loves to launched like a cannon. Rocky has a built in self destruction device on his back. He is immune to the damage of self destruction and best described as this meme. Head empty only explode. Rocky cannot speak but has the fearlessness and carelessness from someone from Florida.

Meet Branga

Branga is that friend who is normally a yes to everything type of person. When he says no that is when something is wrong. Branga is described to be as himbo. Branga is fun loving person who wants to see people smile. He has an inherit love of wanting to see people and especially children to be happy. He loves fireworks. Can be surprisingly tactical in a game like warships or given a mortar. The reason why is that no matter how far he is he can for some reason hit the opponent. The thing his strategy is much more simple that you think. The strategy is to always aim where around the target as he the shock wave could always force the target to a tile he wants them to move in.

Meet Pedor and his brothers. Pedor is best described as tries to be cheer someone up but failing at it so horribly that it cheers the person up. His brothers and by extension all spriggans in this area love shiny objects and give you shiny stuff as gifts. They all have this thing when they are in their armors they see things as if they're pilotting a mech. They even have rockets that they can shoot. The rockets contain their brothers.

This is actually how the spriggans travel. They have a giant airship that has a largege springan inside. This is also the base of the tri brigade. It also can be prepared to blow. It can explode to be a nuclear bomb but that is only a last resort. Don't worry this does not appear in teyvat but this is stuff kit and ferrijit can make. Yes, the spriggans can survive a nuclear fallout as these beings do not need clear air but do need something to burn or or soot/ash to eat to live.

This is what happens when Spriggans Sargas combines with a therion in this case Regulus. This form can produce a large laser beam from the giant belt that can chuck an entire mountain out of existence.

Here is where they currently are. They all appeared in Inazuma they appeared near Yoimiya and her father's shop. They were scared of them at first but they were all able to warm up near Yoimiya. What happened was that there were some bandits and the spriggans were near an empty ruin guard and ruined hunter that had their cores removed. The spriggans were able to hot wire the two machines and used them selves as cores. The bandits ran away as they saw a literal ruin guard and ruin hunter activate. Yoimiya first thought they were yokai. Then word got out about it and it reached the tri brigade so Kitt went to investigate it. They went there on an airship. They were all able to reunite with each other. Some of them were fine staying here so Kitt, ferrijit and Shuraig stayed here. Kitt showed Yoimiya something about the spriggans. Kitt taught them how to dance. Kitt started to clap her hand and Spriggans in pairs started to square dance. Yoimiya used this as great idea for a carnival game.

[markdelonge]

best friends with Johnny Knoxville...

not my gif

note: im so pissed why is this so short :/

...

request?: yes

contains: profanity, pretty sure thats it

masterlist

...

• probably the most reckless duo on earth

• people get scared whenever the two of you are in a room together

the two of you are ALWAYS up to something. rather it be pranking each other or the crew, or having stupid ideas and going thru with them without thought. you guys are unpredictable.

• matching shoes omg

• or lil friendship necklaces (like the ones with half and half of a heart)

you guys have multiple friendships bracelets, necklaces, rings, ect, but, they break hella easy so you both have a bunch of half heart charms that read "best friends forever" laying around your houses

• get mistaken for a couple A LOT

once a rumor first started going around, you and Johnny were quick to shut it down. you both saw each other as siblings almost, so seeing rumors about the two of you dating kinda grossed both of you out

• probably end up hosting a show together

or a radio show. it was one of those 3 am ideas that the both of you took a lil too seriously.

• he brings you on set all the time

• but he won't let you do any of the stunts.

even when a stunt is in progress, he'd make sure that you were far away enough so you weren't in harms way. he says that "no one wants to watch a girl get hurt" because its "not funny".

• literal fights because of it

• having hotel room sleepovers

annoying the room service workers to death, prank calling people, leaving the room every other minute to go get ice (having an excuse to run down the halls), accidentally getting locked out, having to bother the room service workers even more.

• constantly calling each other names

like "bitch, whore, dumbass, idiot, stupid, moron" literally any insulting name you guys can think of, thats just the way you two talk to each other

• yelling at each other

yelling at each other so much that it sounds like an argument to everyone else around you, but to the both of you it sounds like you're having a regular every day conversation

• "talking shit" behind each other's backs (as jokes, you guys love each other to death)

like:

"Ugh, Knox is so fuckin' annoying, I wish he'd leave me alone"

"Then stop hanging out with him"

"No, he's my best friend, I'd never"

• taking his sunglasses

sometimes you take it without asking, sometimes he gives them to you because you complain about the sun being in your eyes, sometimes he gives them to you to hold while he does stunts. you two practically share sunglasses.

• late nights at corner stores

omg, going to get slushies, snacks, milkshakes. literally mini grocery shopping trips. once, you two got a little too carried away and ended up spending over 100 dollars on snacks. the workers hate you guys.

• him cutting your hair while you're sleeping

a bit thingy for jackass, instead of buzzing your hair, he took a pair of scissors and "gave you a trim". he left before you could wake up. so when you did wake up, you got out of bed to see a chunk of your hair and a pair of scissors on the nightstand.

• being menaces at hotels omg

running down the halls, ding dong ditch, prank calling other rooms, actually getting the police called once or twice, having races (one person takes the elevator and one person takes the steps to see who would get to the next floor first)

• if you guys sit next to each other, theres no way the two of you are gonna be quiet.

you guys are always joking about something, even if you aren't talking, you're doing something that makes the other person laugh, you guys got yelled at for doing it during an important meeting. now you're not allowed to sit next to each other during business meetings.

• secret handshakes

• like multiple

every other month, the two of you make up a new hand shake that'll only last about a week. you guys forget about them all the time 😭

• having a playlist of songs that the two of you constantly listen to

its always

"Hey, listen to this new song i like."

"HOLY FUCK, YOU LIKE THAT SONG TOO?"

and it becomes both of your favorite songs.

so you're practically sharing a music taste.

• ight thats all i got :)

[admiringlove]

[18:51]

.

.

.

"you look like shit."

iwaizumi hajime scoffs at you from the park bench. although the atmosphere is a little bitter, you still break out the smallest smile. you can't help it. you slowly walk over to the seat, your hands shoved in your pockets as you sit down next to him. your eyes wander to his face, that only peers ahead.

"fuck," he mumbles, blinking back, "we're really eighteen, huh?"

"yeah, it sucks," you add, "i don't know what the heck i'm supposed to do with my life. hell, i don't even know how taxes work. or how to make my bed."

he laughs. and you're sure it's the most melodious thing you have ever heard. it keeps going for about thirty seconds, and you're glad it does. he sounds beautiful. his eyes are closed as he laughs, and you're glad he doesn't see you gawking at him. gosh, anyone would be able to tell how in love you are. except hajime, of course.

he stops laughing now, "the fact that you don't know how to make your bed is concerning."

"hey, come on. sheets are an absolute menace. i stick one side of them in, the other side comes out. it's so weird. who even came up with the concept of bedsheets?" you ask, giggling, "that dude was definitely high."

iwaizumi only laughs more, and it sort of lifts a weight from your heart. you knew why he was here in the first place. you and oikawa are probably the only people that know. ever since aoba johsai lost against karasuno high, iwaizumi hajime has been coming to this park. and he sits on this very bench every day for around half an hour before heading home. the sun is setting, and it's darker than it is light.

"you know, we used to play aliens here," you say enthusiastically as you point your finger, "over there by the swings and that red slide that used to be green. oikawa made himself the alien all the time. you were the police officer. and i was the person that gets abducted."

"it was always aliens," he shook his head, "that idiot never let us play anything else."

"i always had fun being rescued," you shrug, "i don't know 'bout you, it was fun watching you beat him up with a stick."

"and then i had to buy him icecream because he'd cry and tell me he was gonna complain to his pretty older sister," iwaizumi smiles at the memory, "god, i miss being a kid."

"me too," you mumble, "me too."

there's a comfortable silence surrounding you two. your eyes meet and then break contact a few times. there's stars in the sky now, and then, the atmosphere changes.

"i feel like i let everyone down," he whispers. there's space between the two of you, and you're starting to hate it, "i let oikawa down. i let you down. i'm a shit volleyball player, and i'm a shit ace."

"oi," you narrow your eyes, "don't say that. you didn't let us down. and you aren’t a shit ace."

"but i am though," he argues, "i would've won the game that day if i didn't wanna let you down."

you sigh, scooching closer to him before you smack the side of his head lightly. he feigns pain, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks at you, "do you really want me to tell you what you say to oikawa all the time?"

he groans. you smile, "six who are strong are stronger together. i want you to remember that, okay? it wasn't your fault. everybody made mistakes. even kageyama made mistakes."

"but they won, anyway," he tsks, "i couldn't even get us to nationals."

this time, instead of smacking him, you pull him closer towards you. he looks at you, eyes red and glassy. his lips part, whispering, "what do i do?"

"rest," you whisper back, "you're supposed to rest after working hard for a very long time. so, rest."

he gulps the comforting air, leaning his head against your shoulder, "thank you."

"you don't thank friends, you moron," you sneer, "if you say sorry now, i will poke your eye. or even worse, that place where you're ticklish."

"i was totally not going to apologize for thanking you," he laughs, "but seriously, thank you."

"like i said, don't mention it."

maybe you would tell iwaizumi hajime that you were in love with him later. but that day was not going to be today. today, you were content just being his friend. today, you were going to get satisfaction from being there for him when he needs a shoulder to lean on the most. when he's not strong, but a crying mess who feels like he let every single one of his friends and teammates down.

today, you would be his best friend. and you would make him laugh as he cries.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

“Hello, are we speaking to Mr. Magnus Bane."

"Yes. This is him, and no, I'm not giving any statement on whatever new rumour there is flying around about me." Magnus rolls his eyes.

"We're not calling from the press Mr Bane. This is the Naval Special Warfare Command." The voice on the other end says.

Magnus huffs.

"Okay, then I'm the president. No, wait, I'm not a white old man. Quite the opposite. I’m extremely handsome." Magnus replies.

The dude, whoever the fuck it was, coughs lightly. "Mr Bane, we're calling from the military."

The media truly doesn't know when to quit, Magnus thinks.

"Is this another one of your tries to get some inside scoop onto my relationship? Because you're not getting in. I can't reveal anything except the fact that Alec Lightwood is insanely attractive, and the SEALS are kind of a hardass for all the training." Magnus rambles.

He really should have stopped but he doesn’t because he is an idiot like that.

“I mean, who fucking needs to swim 500 yards every morning, that's stupid. But that also means I get to reap the benefits of his body, so can't complain too much but-"

"Mr Bane. This would be a good time for you to stop talking and listen to us." The guy interrupts sufferingly.

"Fine. You have five seconds to make your case. I need to go back to putting body glitter on. If you're telling the truth than what's Alec's class number."

Navy SEALS class numbers are usually classified information.

No way these shitheads could get their hands on this.

"243. Graduated in 2012. Team 4." The guy replies firmly. "Anything else you need?"

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He is about to curse loudly but somehow restrains himself.

And then suddenly his heart races and he feels a pit in his stomach.

"Umm, no. Is—Is Alexander okay?" He asks nervously.

"Mr. Lightwood is fine. This call is about you."

Magnus frowns. "About me?"

"Yes. You harmed government property last night."

"What?"

"Yes. We found a mark on Mr Lightwood today. That's destruction of government property." The guy replies seriously.

Magnus doesn't remember anything like that on Alec. He ponders over a second, and then his eyes widen.

"Are we talking about the hickey? Is this a joke?" Magnus inquires incredulously.

"You can call it whatever you want but you can't do that again, that's government property."

"That's my boyfriend. Are you calling my boyfriend government property?" He asks, getting a little pissed now.

"Mr. Bane, we don't care that he's your boyfriend. This is a warning call. If this behavior is repeated, you can get into serious trouble." The guy announces and disconnects the call.

What the fuck.

For a second, Magnus thinks it's a joke, but then he remembers how Alec has always warned him about this.

He tries calling Alec, but his boyfriend doesn't pick up, so he texts him.

M: Alexander??

M: Alexander??? I got a stupid call from your workplace.

M: Are you in trouble??

M: Government property?????

M: You're no one's property, and on the off-chance that you were anyone's property—it would be mine. MINE.

He sends 20 more texts before Alec replies.

A: Magnus, stop calling and texting me. I'm getting my ass handed to me right now.

M: Wait really? For a hickey???

A: I've told you so many times to not leave a mark, you moron.

M: You didn't seem to complain last night.

A: I'm never having sex with you again. I hate you.

M: Sure, love. I'm putting body glitter on right now.

A: Get the fuck out of here.

M: You should come home soon.

A: I'm blocking you.

M: Sure.

And then Magnus remembers something and he wants to hit himself in the head.

M: Alec, my love, the light of my life, totally unrelated question, but how mad would you be if I told you that I called your superiors stupid and a hardass?

*Alec Lightwood has blocked you*

Magnus gasps dramatically.

He's going to kill Alec tonight.

--- Just letting you shitheads know that we're not all out of fluff in LRHWY yet.

@literallytypogod Thank you for the idea. You're a menace.

[moscnios]

                                              BRUiSE+

☻ / pairing . . . uzumaki nagato x fem!reader.

☻ / type of love . . . romantic.

☻ / synopsis . . . nagato has moved to konoha following his attack on the village to atone for his sins. though the citizens are not that open to completely forgiving him, affecting not only him but his wife, ( y/n ).

☻ / content warnings . . . n/a. not proofread.

☻ / commentary . . . not my best work and possibly one of my shortest things i’ve ever written. but i haven’t written since september and it’s slowly coming back to me. this is an hc of mine that nagato lives post his attack and atones for his sins in konoha !!

"I am SO sorry, I didn’t mean to...I...” The nervous woman stammered out, falling to her knees to help pick the produce that had fallen on the ground from the display she accidentally knocked over.

“What are you doing?! Get your dirty hands off of my produce!” A man of tall stature yelled, pushing her roughly aside. The man picked the produce up himself, not even sparing her a second glance as he murmured insults under his breath, “Damn moron, shouldn’t be allowed here anyway.”

( y/n ) slowly climbed to her feet, her eyes still focused on the ground as she let her head hang low. Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. “I’m...really sorry,” She apologized, her voice trembling. She bit down on her quivering bottom lip, feeling so small.

It had been this way since she moved to Konoha from Amegakure months after everything had happened. The hurt, the pain that still lingers throughout the air. The mass destruction that washed over the town that day that the citizens worked to this day to reverse.

The hatred filled the hearts of the citizens as they muttered insults she passed them by on the streets. The parents pulled their children close to them at the sight of her. The harsh words spewed at her. The disgusted looks and menacing glares.

All because of someone she holds close to her heart and the dream he wished to keep alive.

Snapping her out of her trance, a pale hand took hers. She looked up, seeing a head of deep red hair giving her a calming smile.

“Nagato...” She said barely above a whisper.

The one she loved the most, her husband. The one she promised she would love and follow for the rest of her life. Through sickness and health, and sadly now the world is seemingly against them.

Nagato was the cause of this. He understood that not everyone would forgive him for what he and his former organization had caused them. He believed they had the right to feel the way they feel about him. But he never wanted that to affect his wife.

( y/n ) had nothing to do with his crimes. The two were not married at the time of his attack. He married her after he began to atone for his sins, starting his life in Konoha with her anew.

But they hold her accountable for his mistakes.

Nagato bowed lowly before the produce stand owner, “I understand you do not view me as trustworthy. I caused you and your people pain and suffering. And I have and will continue to work to right my sins in the best way that I can. We’ll even buy all the produce that is damaged.”

He stood back up, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. His purple-ringed eyes hardened, sending chills down the spine of the stand owner, “My wife has had nothing to do with any of my crimes and sins. And I will not tolerate you or anyone else continuing to treat her like she is a criminal.”

“N-No, it’s okay, Nagato, really. I knocked over the produce I deserve...”

“( y/n ), you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be talked down to. It was an accident and you apologized sincerely,” He interrupted her. She clung to his arm, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “But...”

“But nothing, I refuse to let people continue to talk to you like dirt.” He pressed a kiss to her head, “I love you way too much for that.”

The guilt inside of him continued to well up, seeing her cling to him. He oftentimes believed she’d be better off without him. But he wanted to be selfish, to never let her go. She was part of the reason he wanted to better himself, to make this change, to live this normal life here in Konoha. He couldn’t let that go.

She snuggled into his side, “Thank you, Nagato. I love you too.”

☻ / back to navi.

[bridoesotherjunk]

Well, it's officially been a week since I first saw Venom 2. I'm going to start posting spoilers.

!!!!! As a reminder, I am tagging all my spoilers with these tags::

# Venom Spoilers

# Venom Let There Be Carnage Spoilers

# Venom 2 Spoilers

# Venom ltbc spoilers

------- Now, I'm going to start my spoilers with my honest review of the movie under the cut here. SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I talk about several scenes in the movie in depth. Please don't blame me if I spoil things for you. I tried to warn you.

First opinions?

This one was not as coherent as the first Venom. It went very very fast and could have used an extra 20 to 30 minutes to pad some scenes and slow a couple things down. That post that describes Venom 2 as "venom with the brakes off" is accurate because it goes from 0 to 100 instantly. It needed to just slow down a little bit and have some moments for the audience to breathe.

That being said?

Absolute blast of a movie. Super fun, super silly. Incredibly gay. Venom is a hopeless romantic and an absolute moron. It was so fucking funny. I was laughing during almost the entire movie. The first chunk of the movie felt like me on a bad day in quarantine, stuck in a house with my mother and brother for weeks on end. Ready to kill something off the slightest provocation. (Tom Hardy managed to get the "pandemic locked in the house" stress perfectly right before the pandemic even started.)

Venom gets hit on by a girl at the rave and he gets scared and runs away while saying, "No, no, sorry, not my type" - CUZ HES GAY and LOVES EDDIE.

Venom's speech at the LGBT rave basically boils down to ""I'm totally fine, I don't need Eddie. Eddie was wrong. Eddie is a big mean poopyhead. I don't even miss Eddie at all." And then Venom immediately collapses and talks about missing Eddie. - Hopeless. In love. Gay as fuck. Just go kiss him already, you loser.

I really appreciated that this movie kept up with the cliche dodging in some aspects. --- Cletus tries to do the stereotypical "mysterious killer" thing that all these movies and shows do where he tries to give Eddie tiny clue and tiny hints just to get Eddie to keep printing his name in the paper and get attention. Venom completely fucks up his plan. Cletus gets PISSED about it, but it's so fucking funny in hindsight. Venom just went ""Nah, fuck you. You don't get the spotlight. Exposed, bitch."" And I loved that. I went in expecting to get the big scary, half riddle, killer speech from Cletus. And they just went "YEah no"

I LOVED SHRIEK. SHE WAS SO MENACING AND SO WEIRD. Her first comment upon meeting Carnage- ""That is so HOT"" -- HELL YES, GIRL. Hell yes! Monsterfucker queen in the movie herself.

Didn't like that Red wasn't a girl, but I guess maybe they were worried audiences wouldn't understand it. Carnage was Evil Baby (tm) the entire movie. So young and so full or Murder. 10/10

There's a scene with Venom and Anne that honestly? Really did not like. It was uncomfortable and I know it was played for laughs, but I just... No. Just no.

I was fucking celebrating in my seat after Eddie and Cletus's altercation in the prison. When Cletus just fucking stared and shouted, "Eddie!!??!!"" -- EXACTLY what I wanted. Oh my god, I wanted that so bad. Just a moment for the scary serial killer to finally be thrown off his game. He thinks he's so big and tough and can hurt Eddie however he wants and then suddenly his whole world kind of tilts after he bites him. I LOVE moments like that.

DAN WAS BACK. I LOVE DAN SO MUCH. MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY, I'M SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T KILL YOU. DAAAAAAANNNNNNN

The ending was fucking beautiful. Venom tries to sound all smart and philosophical while confessing their love to Eddie and Eddie teases them about it and gets all smiley and happy while they sit on a fucking tropical island and watch a god damn sunset together and their bodies sit in the shape of a fucking heart. Andy Serkis, Kelly Marcel, and Tom Hardy, I thank you for your service. Now give me a bunch of sappy/horny kisses in the third one and I will love you all forever.

The end credit scene? Yeah, I knew it was coming for like... a month or more. I already knew what they were going to do. I'm not stupid. I could see it. ... I have to wonder what the plan here is, exactly... Tom Hardy's Venom really doesn't seem like a villain to me. He's trying so hard to be a hero, he's just super bad at it. I would enjoy it more if they had Eddie be like the weird hobo uncle to Peter. -- I enjoyed the hidden pregnancy innuendo in the credits, though. They knew their audience. (Also Venom's fear of towel swans. Relatable.)

Also did a little celebration dance when we got Venom and Mrs. Chen together. This movie fulfilled two of my biggest wants and I am so happy about it.

Rating - 8.8/10. Very enjoyable. But still had some problems.

[the-iceni-bitch]

Happy Fucking New Year!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Words: 5071

Summary: You and Bucky spend New Year’s Eve together in Paris!

Warnings: Explicit language, explicit sexual content (oral sex (F receiving), unprotected vaginal sex, anal play, cum eating), explicit descriptions of violence, minor character death, SMUT, 18+ only!!!

A/N: Well, my grandma ass passed out while literally writing this fic last night at like 10PM so sorry it’s late! But it’s still New Year’s Day so whatever. It’s kinda fun, I definitely enjoy having Bucky and Sam be complete idiots while our poor reader is the only one with common sense, so you may be seeing a lot of those two fucking things up in this series. Join my taglist here if you’re inclined and a Happy New Year to all you lovely hoes!

“Damn, Barnes. Look at your ass in that tux.”

He choked on his champagne when you snuck up behind him, grabbing one ass cheek and giving it a squeeze before he had a chance to turn around.

He didn’t know how you always managed to catch him off guard.  He was used to being able to pick up on any threat immediately, but you were always able to slip under his defenses.

The expression that came over his face when he finally saw you was priceless. You loved surprising him with shockingly revealing outfits, offending those sweet old man sensibilities he pretended to have in public. But you knew exactly what he was thinking as his eyes drank you in.

The gown you had picked was a deep blue velvet that hugged your curves. While the skirt was tight against your legs, it still could’ve possibly been considered modest. The top though…. The v of the neck wasn’t as deep as your usual style, but the back dipped so low he wondered how you could possibly be wearing panties. All he could think of was snapping those thin straps with his vibranium hand and watching the fabric slide over your soft skin before it pooled around your ankles.

He couldn’t believe the two of you were spending New Year’s Eve in Paris. You’d barely had a chance to speak to each other after your tryst in Stockholm, and now you were together in the city of lights on one of the most romantic nights of the year.

“Hey, Barnes, you still in there?”

“Yeah, sweetheart.” He grinned at you as he watched you take a sip of champagne. “Just wondering where you’re hiding your knives in that dress?”

“Mmm, if this night goes according to plan, maybe I’ll let you look for them later.” You teased him, giving him a wink as you walked your fingers across his chest.

“Alright, that’s enough. You two promised to cool it with the kinky shit over comms.”

The two of you turned to shrug apologetically at Sam, who was glaring murderously at you from across the foyer.

“Sorry Sammy.” You whispered, tittering to yourself.

“Yeah, sorry Sammy.” Bucky gave him a stupid grin as the three of you started slowly moving to one the hallways leading to the main building.

“You don’t get to call me that, Barnes. You keep getting me into these fucking stupid situations, and your poor girlfriend always has to get us out. We were almost home, man, and you just had to follow that shady fucker at the airport.”

“No, he was following me. And anyways, I was right about him. I told you HYDRA had various goon squads lurking around.”

“You guessed.”

“I guessed right.”

“So, you admit it, you guessed!”

“Hey, boys!” You furrowed your brow as you turned to glare at the two of them, a little annoyed at the bickering. “Isn’t there supposed to be a door here?”

They finally shut up and followed your line of sight to where all the intelligence indicated the access door to the arsenal should be located.

Bucky let out a deep sigh and clenched his jaw, his eyes moving up the wall until they found the tiny hatch in the corner, fifteen feet off the floor. He turned his head to Sam and growled.

“You were in charge of reconnaissance. Do you not know the difference between a door and a hatch? Do your little robot minions not know how to take measurements?”

“Hey, don’t blame the robots man! This was based on human intelligence, which I’m pretty sure is your responsibility.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

You ground your teeth together as you listened to the two of them, not sure how you were able to put up with this shit. You took in your surroundings, trying to figure out a way through this situation.

“Well one of us has to get up there.” You murmured to yourself.

“I nominate robot boy.”

“Ok, ya know what, they’re not robots. I might’ve been able to let it go but, heh, I can’t. They’re drones. And if you think me buzzing one of those through the party out there is inconspicuous…”

“Oh, not one of your robots, you. What if I throw you at the hatch?”

One glance at him let you know he was seriously considering throwing your friend at the hatch. You rolled your eyes as you slipped out of your pumps.

“Ok, now you’re trying to piss me off, I just told you they were drones. And you are not throwing me at that tiny door. It’s not even open.”

“Well, if I throw you hard enough, that won’t matter.”

“It’s a solid steel door, dumbass. And I’m pretty sure it opens outward. I vote we come back later with some tools.”

“We’re on a timetable. I say we settle this with some old-fashioned rock, paper, scissors.”

“Um, no, you cheat.”

“How can you cheat at rock, paper, scissors?”

You did your best to tune them out as you stretched, sighing as you gathered your dress up over your thighs and grumbling to yourself about ruining another outfit.

“I don’t know, but you do. Ok, if you use your normal hand, maybe that’ll work.”

“Whatever, I’ll still win.”

You walked back down the hall, then turned and sprinted past the two of them, vaulting off one leg when you reached the corner and using your momentum to spring yourself off the wall until you were able to brace yourself in the tiny alcove next to the hatch.

“Could one of you toss me the laser driver from my clutch?” You called down to them, now that they had finally stopped their incessant arguing.

Sam grinned up at you as he picked your clutch off the ground, tossing the driver to you when he found it.

“Man, every time.” He shook his head at Bucky as you started working on dismantling the door. “I don’t know how your dumbass has survived this long without us, Barnes. You can’t just punch your way through everything.”

“I’m sorry, ‘us’? Seems like she’s doing all the work while you’re just bossy.”

“Can you two just give it a rest? I’m in.” You pulled the hatch open and slid through it, hanging over the edge by your fingertips for just a second before softly dropping on the balls of your feet on the other side. “Fuck, that’s a lot of bombs.”

“What kinds of bombs?” Sam asked over the comms, all business now.

“Well, I’m not an expert, but this sure looks like tesseract related tech to me.”

“Shit.” Bucky hissed. “Any way to disarm?”

“Well, probably, sweetie, but there’s at least 100 of these fuckers, and I don’t really feel like spending all of New Year’s Eve playing ‘which wire?’”

“Alright, just give us a second.”

You heard a yelp from outside and all of a sudden Sam’s torso came flying through the open hatch, his hips catching on the edge.

“Did he just throw you?” You asked, not bothering to hide the grin that spread over you face as Sam looked for something to swing down with. You dragged over an empty shelf and he pulled himself through, climbing down gingerly to come stand beside you.

“Your boyfriend is a fucking menace.” He grumbled, brushing some debris off his shoulders. He whistled through his teeth when he got a good look at the stockpile you had uncovered. “Shit.”

“Fuck me.” Bucky murmured, suddenly behind the two of you, making Sam jump.

“Goddamn it Barnes, why you gotta always be so stealthy?”

“Maybe you just need to pay better attention, what if I’d been a goon?”

“You are a goon.”

“Oh my god, I cannot do another round of this. Sam, can you call this in please? Maybe Sharon will have some idea of what to do about the massive pile of shit we just stepped in.”

“Fine, Y/N. I’ll call the boss.”

You went to examine the bombs more closely. They all seemed to have remote triggers, but you didn’t want to take the chance that they were volatile, so you resisted the urge to pick one up.

“Yeah, this is definitely tesseract tech.” Bucky muttered, and your heart jumped into your throat when you turned to see him tossing one of the bombs into the air and catching it again in his vibranium hand.

“Motherfucker put that down you idiot! What if there had been a pressure sensor?”

Bucky stared at you for a second, then back at the bomb in his hand. “Right, whoops.” He placed it back on the pile gingerly and gave you a sheepish grin.

“I swear to god, the two of you are going to end up getting me killed.”

“Ok, boss said they have a remote drone about one minute out that should have the ability to disarm these. She just wanted us to open the skylight for it.”

“The what?” You hissed at him.

“Uh….”

“There’s a fucking skylight?” You looked up and scoffed, seeing a very large window right there in the ceiling.

“Nice, Wilson.” Bucky just shook his head at him.

“Fuck you, Barnes! You didn’t know about it either.”

“No more! One of you morons get up there and open it!” You were seething. “You’re lucky I like the two of you or I swear to god, I would stab the both of you right now.”

“Alright, rock, paper, scissors?”

“No!! Bucky, just fucking do it.” You screwed your eyes shut and pressed your fingers into the peaks of your eyebrows.

“You got it, beautiful. You’re so cute when you’re mad… shit.”

He had to scramble up one of the shelves as you tried to charge at him, but Sam was able to hold you back at the last second.

“Ok, let’s all just take some deep breaths. It’s all good. The drones on the way. We didn’t have to fight anyone. And there’s still 25 minutes until midnight, so we’ll all get to toast the new year.”

Right as he uttered that last word, a large door on the opposite end of the room opened, and three goons carrying large guns entered.

“Goddamn it, Wilson, you jinxed us. And look, another fucking door!”

“Yeah, they do seem to be popping up everywhere.” He muttered under his breath. “Hey, fellas, we were just…. god, y’know what, I’m too tired to come up with something. Should we just fight?”

You sneered at him before hefting one of the bombs and chucking at the head of one of the guards, hitting him right between the eyes and knocking him out.

“OOHH! What if that had gone off?” Sam yelled at you as you charged the two standing goons who were still standing, diving at the last second to roll one of them over your shoulder.

“Oh, so only you and grandpa are allowed to make stupid decisions, then?” You said, pulling out a knife from under your skirt and trying to stab the guard who was still standing. You were just a little too slow and he dodged you, making you hiss. “Do you mind giving me a hand?”

“Shit, right.” He found a metal pipe leaning against the corner and walked over to where the first guard was starting to come to his senses, bringing it around in an arc to crash against his chin, knocking him out again.

“Drone’s here! Aww man, you guys started a fight without me?” Bucky had climbed back down to find the two of you grappling with your respective opponents.

He walked over and punched the asshole that had Sam in a chokehold in the face with his vibranium fist, feeling a satisfying crunch as he went down. Bucky started to stride over to give you a hand as Sam tried to catch his breath when you suddenly drove your knife up under your opponent’s ribs, giving it a twist before you withdrew it.

“Y’know,” He murmured as he watched you bend over to clean off the blade on the dead man’s jacket. “I’m a little mad at you now. I was looking forward to looking for that later tonight.” He grinned at you, nodding at the knife in your hand as you drew up your skirt to return it to the sheath on your thigh.

“Don’t worry sweetie, there’s plenty hiding under here for you to discover.” You teased him as he pulled you to him, pressing a deep kiss to your lips and moaning against your mouth. He always got so worked up after watching you fight.

“Ugh, I’m still here, you freaks!”

“Shit, sorry Sam!” You flashed an apologetic grin at your friend as he glared at you. Bucky was pulling at the front of his pants and screwing his eyes closed as he tried to fight his obvious erection.

“There’s something wrong with you two.” He muttered under his breath as he started climbing the shelves to leave through the skylight.

The drone had done its job. All the indicator lights on the bombs were off, showing there were no longer armed. You gave a small sigh of satisfaction before looking up at the skylight.

“Gimme a boost, Buck.”

“Yep.” He hooked his hands under one of your heels and grinned to himself as he brought his arms up a little faster than you had intended, flinging you up to the roof in one swift motion and making you yelp.

“You’re such a dick!” You shouted down to him as he started to climb out after you, making him laugh. “What time is it Sam?”

“Hey, we’ve still got 10 minutes to midnight!” He said, giving you a grin.

“Ooh, think we can make it back?”

“Yeah, it’s just a couple rooftops over! Barnes, move your ass!”

Bucky was just climbing onto the roof as you and Sam started jogging towards the adjacent building and cursed under his breath as he clambered to follow you.

Sam let out a whoop as he leaped between the buildings, one of his drones catching him halfway and carrying him to the other side.

“Oh my god was that waiting out here the whole time?” You scolded him as he swooped back to lift you across the gap, depositing you softly on the next roof.

“Yeah, why are you surprised?”

You just gave him a laugh as Bucky flung himself over the space between the structures, rolling in his landing and scowling at the two of you when he regained his feet.

“No thanks, I don’t need any help.” He growled at Sam, voice dripping with sarcasm as he brushed some pebbles off the shoulder of his tux jacket.

“You’re fine.” Sam waved a dismissive hand as the three of you walked to the next edge, which led to your hotel.

You dropped down first to the ledge that was 10 feet below, landing on the balls of your feet and twisting just a bit to gain your balance before you started gliding towards the window to your room.

“You good, Y/N?” Sam called as they watched you crouch as much as you could when you reached the end of the ledge.

“She’s got it.” Bucky muttered as you uncurled your body like a whip, shooting across the gap between the two buildings, latching onto the buttress above your window as you stretched down, your toes reaching for the lower sill. You found your purchase and released one hand to draw the window open, then slipped inside easily. “See?” He gave Sam a grin as he moved to follow you.

It only took the two of them a minute to join you, and you met them with champagne and a pleased smile on your face.

“Hello boys, just in time for the countdown!”

You passed out the drinks and took one for yourself before the three of you headed out to the small balcony that was around the corner from the window you had entered through.

“And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!” The three of you shouted.

You heard the city erupt in cheers and fireworks started exploding over the Eiffel tower. Bucky set his champagne flute down and drew you into his arms, bringing one hand up to cradle the back of your head as he pressed his lips to yours. You sighed as you opened up to him, welcoming the crisp taste of champagne on his tongue as he curled it against yours.

“Ooookay, that is my cue to leave.” Sam said, downing the rest of his drink and avoiding making eye contact with either of you as he made his exit.

“Mmm, Happy New Year, Sammy!” You called after him. Bucky just waved a hand at him as his mouth moved down to your neck, his lips trailing over your throat as his other hand pressed against the small of your back.

“Just, remember to take out your comms, I’m begging you.” Sam said before shutting the door behind him.

“Fuck, right.” You plucked yours out of your ear and set it next to your glass as Bucky drew you back into the room, sucking on the curve of your shoulder softly. He released you for just a second to remove his own comm and closed the door to the balcony before turning back to you.

“Oh, that fucking dress.” He growled as he took you in, his eyes dark with desire. “You know, I’ve been wanting to peel you out of that thing all night, you damn cock tease.”

You stepped into him and pressed your hand against the bulge in his pants as you nipped at his bottom lip. “Mmm, your always so good to me when I tease you though, baby. I can’t help it.” You moved your hands up to start undoing his tie. “Besides, I don’t know how you can blame me for teasing you when you’re walking around in this tux. I’ve been wet all night.” You whipped the tie off and started working on the buttons of his shirt as you took his earlobe between your lips and sucked on it.

His hands moved to your ass and squeezed as he ground his hips against you, making you gasp. “Don’t tell me that unless you want me to do something about it. Fuck, are you even wearing anything under here?”

You slid his jacket off his shoulders and followed it with his shirt, running your fingers over his bare torso before starting to undo his belt. “Why don’t you get it off me and find out?” You purred, gazing up at him through your lashes as you drew the belt through the loops and moved to unbutton his fly.

He leered at you and brought his hands up to your shoulders, running the thin straps of your gown through his fingers before snapping them easily. He sighed as he watched the material slither over your curves and pool at your feet. “I fucking knew it.”

You were completely bare under his gaze, aside from the two knife belts you had around your thighs, each of which contained 2 blades.

“Damn it, Barnes.” You scolded him.

“What?”

“Could we have one night where you don’t end up ruining at least one expensive item of clothing?” You sighed, bending over to pick up the dress and shooting him a soft look of reproval.

“Shit, baby. I’m sorry. I get too excited.” He did feel a little bad, but every time you wore something like that, all he could think of was ripping it off you.

“Well, now you’ll just have to make it up to me.” You teased, tossing the dress aside and drawing him closer.

“Yes, ma’am.” He murmured as his fingers moved to start undoing the belts around your thighs. He brushed his lips against the small hollow beneath your ear as he worked, flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin there as his fingers brushed over your legs, making your pussy clench around nothing. “You want me to show you how sorry I am with my tongue?” He set aside the two belts and moved a hand to cup your sex, groaning at how warm and wet he found you.

“God, just fucking do it.” You hissed as he teased a finger between your folds, barely brushing against your heat before withdrawing again.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” He picked you up and carried you a few feet to lay you on the dining room table, kicking the chairs out of the way with a clatter.

He gave you a searing kiss, taking your breath with him when he withdrew to kneel between your thighs. His stubble tickled at your skin as he moved his lips and tongue up your inner thigh at an agonizing pace, moving to the other thigh when he had almost reached your cunt and making you whine.

“I’m so sorry I ruined your dress, pretty girl.” He finally dragged his tongue over your slit and you let out a low moan, your fingers burying themselves in his hair as he repeated the motion. “Wish I could promise it won’t happen again, but this pussy does things to me.”

He pressed the flat of his tongue against you and drew it over your entrance heavily, slurping up all the evidence of your arousal with an obscene sound before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking. The whimper you let out made his cock twitch as your thighs clenched around his shoulders, drawing him into you even further.

“God, Bucky, right there.” You murmured as he increased the pressure on your bundle of nerves and inserted two fingers into your cunt, moaning at the feeling of your satiny walls clenching around him. He curled them just a bit and you wailed, arching your back into him as you started whispering “please” over and over like a prayer.

He grinned against you as he shook his head slightly, pressing himself even further into your heat and lapping up the juices that leaked from you as he fucked you with his fingers.

He added a third finger and crooked his wrist just slightly and that was it. Every muscle in your body went rigid as you came against his face, soaking him in your release as you clamped down on his fingers and sobbed with pleasure. You released him slightly, only to spasm again from the aftershocks as your muscles quivered around him. He finally managed to draw himself away and stood between your legs, grinning down as he watched you come down from your orgasm, shivering occasionally as a random jolt of pleasure shot through you.

“You think you can forgive me?” He asked wickedly as he finished undoing his slacks and slid them over his hips, followed by his boxer briefs. He drew his hand over his length as he waited for you to answer, nudging the tip of his cock against your folds and making you yelp.

“Fuck, yes. God Bucky.” You sat up and wrapped your hands around his neck, bringing his face to yours violently. You ground your hips against him, groaning as you felt his shaft slide through your slick easily. He started to lift you to bring you to the bedroom and you shook your head a bit before releasing him. “No, I need it now.”

He grinned at you as he teased his head against your clit, making you whine. “You want me to fuck you right here on the table?”

“God, yes please. Gimme that cock. I need you inside me.” It was driving you crazy. You brought a hand between the two of you and wrapped it around him, making him hiss as you lined him up. “I want you to split me open then fuck me until I can’t breathe.”

He let out a low growl from deep in his chest. He loved when you talked like this. He pushed into slowly with a groan until he was sheathed to the hilt, relishing in the feel of you clenching around him. “Fuck baby, you feel so good. So tight and warm. What else you want me to do to you?” He started moving his hips slowly, grinding them against you each time he was bottomed out.

“Shit,” You were panting with need as he moved inside you, his cock dragging against your g-spot over and over and making it hard to think. “I want your mouth on my tits. God, just like that.” He was following your instructions beautifully, dragging his tongue over the inner slope of your breast as his hips kept up their slow pace. “Fuck, baby, suck on my nipples now.”

He did as you asked, swirling his tongue over the sensitive buds as his lips closed around them, sucking softly and making you whine. He’d always been good at following orders.

“Mmm, move faster.” You commanded, wrapping your fingers in his hair as he continued lavishing attention on your breasts.

He obliged easily, picking up the pace until he was slamming into you, knocking the breath out of you. You met each of his thrusts with your own, mewling as you felt a coil starting to knot in your abdomen.

“God, I’m gonna cum.” You whined.

One more drive of his hips and the coil broke, making you scream. Your fingernails dug into his scalp as you went stiff for just a beat before everything released. He smiled into your neck as you vibrated against him, panting heavily as you came down.

He kept fucking into you like a man possessed. He brought his mouth back up to yours and kissed you softly as he felt you relax a bit. “Did I do good, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, baby, you did great.” You laughed into his mouth as he kept moving.

“You’re in charge, pretty girl. What do you want now?”

“God, work my clit. Fuck, just like that.” You were having trouble focusing as he did what you asked. “I need your mouth on my neck. Hngh, Bucky! That’s so good.”

“What else, beautiful?” he grinned against your throat, loving how easily you were coming apart around him. He picked up the pace with his hips a little more and felt you flutter around him.

“Shit, stick your thumb up my ass.”

He was not prepared for that and his hips faltered for a bit. He whipped his head up to stare at you as he regained his composure.

“What?”

“Ahh, fuck.” You were just a little embarrassed. You usually liked to ramp up to this type of thing, and especially with Bucky, you had wanted go really slow with this particular kink. You didn’t know how much of a thing anal play had been in the 40s. “Um, you can forget I said that.”

To your surprise, he broke out into an absolutely sinful grin and gave you a savage kiss as he laid you back on the table, stilling his hips but keeping himself sheathed in you as he drew your knees up to your shoulders.

“I’ve been dreaming about this ass, baby.” He said as he started moving his hips again, dragging his thumb through the slick that was leaking out around his cock and moving it down until it was pressing against your pretty hole, making you gasp.

“Bucky, don’t tease me.”

“Thinking about this tight little hole wrapped around my cock, I was worried you’d never let me in.” You moaned as he pressed himself through the tight ring of muscle and your eyes rolled up into your skull as you arched yourself into him. “But here you are, giving me a fucking invitation.”

He gave a groan when both your holes clenched around him, and he felt his cock moving in your cunt with his thumb through the thin lining between your passages. He drew himself out halfway and slammed back into violently, the tip of him barely kissing your cervix and making you whine.

His fingers on your clit pressed down hard and you flew apart around him, your orgasm ripping through you with abandon. The scream you let out was otherworldly as you creamed all over his cock.

The sight of you writhing beneath him sent him over his own edge and he shouted your name as his cum spurted inside of you, coating your walls and his dick as he collapsed on top of you.

You were still trembling as aftershocks rippled through your body. He kissed your neck and pulled out of you gently. You barely noticed, you were so fucked out.

“Shit sweetheart.” He muttered as he drew himself up. “This body treats me so fucking good. Damn, look at that.” He drew your knees apart and stared appreciatively at you pussy, still clenching as you came down. His cum was slowly leaking out of you and dribbling over your puckered hole. “Let’s clean you up.”

You had expected him to go get a towel, but he knelt down and dragged his tongue over first your asshole, then your slit, making you sob as he lapped up the mixture of your releases. When he drew his tongue over your clit, you came again immediately, it was so overstimulated.

“Fuck, you ok, Y/N?” He hadn’t expected you to be that sensitive and was worried he might have overdone it. He brought himself back up to look you in the eyes, cupping one cheek in the palm of his hand as he studied your face with concern.

“God, Bucky, I’m fucking great.” You gave him a sloppy grin as you stared up at him, turning your head to press a kiss into the palm of his hand. “I don’t think I can walk though.” Your legs were jelly.

He just laughed and scooped you into his arms, carrying you into the bedroom and laying on the bed. He covered you with the sheets and pressed a soft kiss to your temple before heading into the bathroom to clean himself up. He was only gone for a minute before he was sliding behind you and wrapping you in his arms.

“Happy New Year, beautiful.” He whispered into your hair as you drifted off to sleep, drowsy now that you were surrounded with his warmth.

“Happy fucking New Year, Bucky.” You murmured before you dozed off, blissfully satisfied.

Permanent Tags:

@drabblewithfrannybarnes​ @starlightcrystalline​ @stargazingfangirl18​ @buckysnumberonegirl​

[baecvlt]

I saw how you liked my headcanons for mastermind souda a while back. If its not too much, could you write a smut about it? I won't pressure you to if you you don't wanna. There's just not a lot of souda smut around.

Yandere Mastermind!Kazuichi Oneshot

a/n: ugh im so looking forward to to this PLSHDHBD also established friendship between him and the reader + I changed that you find out at the reveal of the mastermind. I also added one small element. You can read the headcanons for yourself right here.

warning: rough sex, blood, toys

You all stared in awe for the mastermind finally stood before you and I’ll tell you right now, it was of the least expected. “Oh...my god!—,” Sonia gasped, covering her mouth. “That’s right, princess!,” he said,“The mastermind is none other than me, the ultimate mechanic, Kazuichi Soda!”. He laughed maniacally as we stared in utter shock. “But you!— You killed Gundham!,” she cried, dropping to her knees. Slowly, he approached her, grabbing her tear stained chin. “You see, Miss Nevermind, I never wanted to kill Tanaka. In fact, I wanted him to live more than anything!,” he said, in a voice of fake nobility,“But He had to go...for love!”.

“You don’t love me...ALL YOU’VE DONE IS INCONVENIENCE ME EVER SINCE WE GOT ON THIS ISLAND, SINCE YOU PUT US HERE!—”

“You think I killed for you?! My crush on you was a facade, moron. THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY”

“What?”

“I’d never kill for, let alone fall in love with monarchy trash”

Sonia looked around, returning her glare to him. “But who else?”. He walked away from her. “Tanaka was getting too close to her,” he said, toying with a small device he had been working on since the time you got here. “That’s just sick,” you muttered, softly. Yet, he still heard you.

“I couldn’t let him get any closer to you, my sunshine”

He glared at you, suddenly it clicked. Apparently, it clicked for everyone else too as they were all staring at you. “It can’t be...,” you said,“No, please!—”. He walked up to you, placing his hands on the sides of your face. “I’ve always loved you, sunshine,” he cooed,“My heart bleeds for you”. “Soda, I’ve loved you for so long...why?,” you pondered, but no response. After a while of silence, you began to bargain.

“I-...I’ll do whatever you want, just please let us go..”

He wouldn’t break eye contact with you. “You...You have to come with me,” he told you. You pulled away, instinct told you too. “What the hell are you doing?!,” Fuyuhiko scolded you, much more aggressive than usual,“GO WITH HIM, YOU BITCH!”. That was when the floor beneath him opened, where he fell.

Well, almost fell.

He had grabbed on the leg of the stand, not letting go. Kazuichi approached the hole where Fuyuhiko would inevitably fall to his death. “You shouldn’t have said that,” Kazuichi said, raising his foot. “No!”. He stopped himself from stepping. “Please, don’t,” you begged,“Please!”. He thought about it, sighing. “Fine,” he muttered, extending his hand, which Kuzuryu grabbed. “Never mind”.

He dropped him. He fell.

You stared in more shock. He just murdered one of your friends in front of your very eyes. Sonia began to cry harder as Akane, Hajime, and yourself stared in greater shock. You heard a distant scream grow louder, suddenly, Fuyuhiko sprung up from the ground and Kazuichi was rolling on the floor. Tears left his eyes, crying of laughter. As menacing as it was, it was the happiest you’d seen him. “Grow the fuck up, Kaz!,” you yelled, going to check on Fuyuhiko,“I-I’ll go with you, just promise me you won’t hurt anyone else. Kazuichi grumbled, but agreed. Before you could go, Hajime stopped you. “You don’t have to do this,” he reminded you,“What if he hurts you?”.

“Better than he hurt the rest of you”

You walked away, looking back. “Wait for me,” you told them. “Come on!,” he said, grabbing your hand and running as if he were a child. He took you to a door, leading to a hallway. He took you down to the last door, leading you too a room. There he opened the door, showing you a bed with red sheets. He sat you down, suddenly being awkward. “So,” he began,“Hi!”.

“What do you want from me?”

He began to pace around. “You, I’m afraid,” he muttered,“I always loved you, but I didn’t know how to tell you”. You just stood there, in shock. There was still a heart within him. "I created this game just for you," he confessed,"I just want you, but at what cost? All the lives lost...". He pulled you to him, grabbing you waist. "Kaz.....," you whispered,"I don't know what to say..but I know I've always felt the same, but I never knew you could love me". He smiled.

"I can give you the world, but I need one thing"

"What's that?"

"I need you to give yourself to me"

You swallowed hard, nervous. "I need you to be able to handle me," he explained,"I can give you a better life and you'll be like my queen". Normally, you would say no fast, but you weren't doing that. You loved this boy, he loved you. What more could you want?

"I'm yours"

His eyes lit up,"What?".

"Do as you wish to me"

He snickered, sitting on the bed. "You are to call me master until I'm done with you," he said with a smirk,"Strip for me". You nodded and huffed out an "Okay". He stopped you. "Nuh-uh," he shook his head,"Not 'okay', it's 'Yes...'".

"Yes, master"

"Good girl"

You slowly took off your clothes, your face reddening from how embarrassed you felt being in this position. You now stood there, fully nude. "Jesus, your body is gorgeous," he looked you up and down, adding,"I want to make this more interesting". He walked up to a drawer, pulling out a Black ribbon. He got back to you, holding your hair back to tie it around your eyes. "Perfect. Now, stand here again". You heard him walk away, his footsteps in the direction of the drawer.

Bzzzzzzzzzz..Bzzz...Bzzzzzzz—

A sudden vibrating sound echoed through the room. "Let me walk you," he said, holding your hand. You nodded, walking and then feeling your calves hit the mattress. "Take a seat," he said politely. You nodded once more, sitting down fast. That was your first mistake, landing exactly on a vibrating object. You almost screamed, skin stinging. You could hear him chuckle. "M-Master..," you attempted to speak, biting your thumb. "What's wrong, my sunshine?," he asked in faux-concern. You. could feel how wet you were, playing with your tits a little to stimulate yourself. Kazuichi got up, grabbing your hands. "No touching or I'll have to put them up. Come here". He grabbed your jaw, kissing you. You moaned as he did, becoming weaker. "Ready for the next toy?". You nodded eagerly, already so turned on.

You heard his footsteps walk to the drawer, then come back.

He put something in your hands, feeling around to see what it was. "You know what this is, don't you?". You recognized the silicone and shape, nodding. "Good. Now, I want you to put on a show for me". You blushed twice as hard, sitting further back onto the bed. "Don't be shy," he added,"It's just us. All for me to see". You nodded, parting your mouth open. You began to drool over the toy, sucking it off. After getting it moist, you spread your legs, earning a small gasp from Kazuichi. You teased between your folds, moaning softly. "H-Hey, quit teasing me," he said. You snickered, sitting up and placing the toy between your legs. You sank down on it, making sure Kazuichi could see how deep you took it. You rode it, Kazuichi slowly becoming envious of the toy.

"I'm so filthy, aren't I, Master?"

"Hey..–"

"My pussy is so dirty, Master. Don't you wanna punish me?"

"I-"

"Please, Master. Abuse me, make me yours"

He suddenly pushed you back, pulling the toy out and replacing it with two of his fingers. You screamed a "Yes!" as he thrust them in and out of you and he didn't stop till you were shaking. Not just shaking, your body was convulsing when he pulled out. He forced your legs open, positioning himself between them. Before you could beg him to have mercy on you, he just full on thrust in you. His cock wasn't small either, so pain. You began to moan in between sobs as he slammed into you. "Why are you crying? Do you want me to slow down that bad?," he asked. You didn't want that at all. In fact, you wanted him harder.

"If you insist"

He then began to thrust agonizingly slow into you. You groaned, gripping the sheets. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it?". You shook your head. "K-Master, f-faster, please".

"I don't understand. You'll have to be louder"

"Master...–"

"Beg for it"

You full on threw a fit, begging him. You became frustrated, almost crying more. "Good, good girl," he praised, slamming into you again. He leaned down, biting into your shoulder; hard. You screamed, covering your mouth trying to keep your eyes from rolling back. You felt light headed after the bite. "You're bleeding," he noted, licking the bite and humming afterword. His hand moved to your throat, asphyxiating you.

Just a little bit, though.

"I love you, sunshine"

"I-I love you too, m-master.."

He kissed you, his hand still on your throat, only tighter. He took your breath away, dizziness hitting. "I'm gonna cum," he muttered. You encouraged him to do so, he didn't hold back. It became too much. Then, you were out cold. He was confused, pulling out since you weren't responsive. He took off your blindfold before checking you were okay. "Hey, wake up". He tapped you, then shook you gently. You were still breathing, but just out. "That's not good," he thought aloud. He covered you with a towel, taking you to the bathroom to wash you up. He was nervous while cleaning you up, but he'll never tell you that.

You weren't out for long, regaining consciousness in the tub. "Huh?". He kissed your forehead when you woke up. "What's going on?," you asked him. He laughed nervously. "You may or may not have passed out right after I finished," he said,"You had me worried".

"That's really fucking embarrassing"

"Hey, it's okay"

He kept helping you wash up, letting you wash your areas yourself. Then, he helped you into bed curling up next to you after helping you put on some underwear. "Uhm, what are we gonna do about the others," you asked, He scoffed.

"They can wait. Right now, I want to hold you"

You nodded as his arms wrapped around your waist. He kissed you repeatedly and all over your face, neck. "You're mine now, remember that". You nodded as he whispered,"All mine..".

[rattlerinthewheel]

Fruit Bat: Scud/Reader

He should know better than to irritate the vampire that’s already pissed, wounded, and starving—so you teach him.

For the Kinky Things Happen bingo square: vampires and discipline, at @pandoratriestowritestuff’s request for some Scud. Credit to them and @phoenixblack89, who talked about Scud getting spanked and choking on a donut, for the respective scenes.

- - -

You’re still pissed at him.

But it’s hard to give him the silent treatment when you need to get at the junk around the tables. Move, pass me that wrench, throw me that wire, is dry and distant, work-related; but turn that shit down, quit spewing crumbs, stop grabbing me, and other growls that aren’t related to the tech you’re fiddling with get read as some sign—to keep doing those things, but that’s sure not what your glares should be saying.

Well, it isn’t a surprise that he’s being a dumbass about it. A moron about a lot of shit, lately, the bandage on your arm can vouch for that. And it was an accident, sure, you wouldn’t usually blame him for aiming that UV flashlight at anything that swarmed at him on a job; but he’d been high and you’d called out a warning, dammit, and he still got you with it. Burned like a motherfucker, like acid.

His apology was huffed, high-sluggish, and rank like the shitty weed he’d been toking.

Maybe he’s realizing you’re really pissed, content with just your hand as company for a few days, because you haven’t taken a break even once from this group project—a net of UV panels you can drape over the van; they stay off for now, obviously—to get your hands down his pants, or his down yours.

But Josh—Scud’s dumb, and it pisses him off to be called Josh, so of course that’s what you call him—is definitely high, not as sharp as he’d otherwise be, and his logic is coming from his dick today. His brain would be screaming at him to not agitate the vampire that’s wounded and pissed.

He’s prodded at you the whole damn night so far, brushing your groin to grab a tool there’s fifteen more of scattered around that he can get to, angling his head in a way that makes the churning veins under too damn tempting, flat-out groping your ass when his first two tactics don’t get him anything more than warning hisses.

Except when he decides he doesn’t like a particular hiss you give, too much teeth for his liking, because when his hand drops from where it’s gotten in a squeeze it claps right back down across the ass cheek it grabbed. Fucking hard, too; "make peace, not war" your ass.

You whirl where he’s scrambling back to his side of the room, giggling, hands raised with his palms out like he can call a truce. Like he hasn’t been doing this shit all night and your hisses and menaced fangs are supposed to be equals, or something.

Well, they aren’t. And you feel like cashing in some payback.

"C’mon, baby, lighten up!" trails his getaway while you give chase. You don’t run after him, but Josh stumbles and darts around like you are. It’s one of the oldest hunting tactics, just following, while the prey tires itself out trying to get away. Vampires don’t need to use it, you could just as easily catch up, even with a bandaged arm.

But Josh wants to goddamn play, so you’ll follow suit. For now.

Smoker’s lungs, stoner’s, don’t let him keep it up as long as a guy his age could. Josh staggers, stumbles a last time like his clothes weigh fifty pounds, and drops on the steps up to another part of the workshop. By his couch and TV, the little nest he’s made for himself, and you don’t think that’s accidental; but you don’t plan to move things to that shitty couch, not anytime soon.

You walk right up to him, and Josh goddamn grins, leaning back on his hands and spreading his legs like he’s offering himself up like a damn meal. He’s still got one of those shitty donuts, and he takes a bite, still grinning, and flicks a crumb at your leg.

"You’re a child," you growl, getting a whiff of syrup lactic acids, probably burning his calves like battery; iron thumped in and out of his heart, jumping in his throat, flushing his face; that damn weed turning everything earthy, chalky like loam, but still good.

"I’m a delight," spews more crumbs with another giggle. "Besides, baby, you love it."

You do—when you aren’t pissed at him. "Love to kick your ass," you huff, toeing the step by his foot.

His hum makes you swallow. Fucking thirsty, you are, and that’s just the worst kind of trifecta for Josh to be near right now: starved, pissed, and wounded. Your nerves are shot, and his chase didn’t tire you, but it sure as shit reminded you of what hunts are supposed to take care of. And his hum, that sounds vaguely like a dying, helpless churr from a punctured throat...

Shit.

But the hum bubbles into a chuckle, as you’re stepping away to beat it and get back to work—so Blade doesn’t have you to stake and Josh to mend, or a drained corpse to bury—when you get a lazy kick to your calf and a teasing, "The little fruit bat running away? Afraid I’ll smack him again?"

You’re starving, agitated, and your arm throbs. It’s not a nickname you hate, but it sets off something.

You stop, turn back slowly, and flick your eyes to either side to make sure you won’t be skewered by stray junk out of place. All clear, so you skulk up, schooling your face into a careful, bland look that puts Josh on edge more than a scowl.

"Ain’t my ass about to get smacked, boy," is throttled with a snap of fangs and a low pounce, and Josh can only drop the fucking donut and yelp as you tackle him.

He gets a bit of ground, because his hand clamps right down on the bandages, making you bark at the bolt of pain. It’s been longer since your last drink than you admitted to Blade, before he left, and that doesn’t help. But Blade would’ve had you come with, otherwise, and you figured dealing with Josh was worth getting the panels for the van closer to field testing.

Because as much as you want to skitter up the wall and drop Josh from the rafters, most days, you don’t want to get back to the van and find a drained, stoner-sized juice box.

So it’s a little ironic that he’s sprawled over your legs, when the scuffle’s over. It’s not what you intended—to pin him to his stomach, straddle, and give a few smacks before letting him go—but you sort yourselves out. First Josh, and you wrap an arm over his waist to keep him down; then yourself, and you sit up properly so his ass is right where you want it.

These days, child rearing isn’t what you were accustomed to, and Josh doesn’t figure it out until he feels your hand settle across the seat of his cargo pants. "No fuckin’ way," is half telling, half laughing, and the weed probably has something to do with that second part.

Because the first part’s not amused, but just in case he doesn’t get it across that he’s not thrilled to be pinned this way, Josh starts trying to buck off your lap.

"Yes fucking way," you hiss, and your hand cracks down over his right cheek.

It’s loud, even for his human hearing, and goes off like a shotgun blast. Josh twists his head back, huffing. The scowl he tries to give doesn’t have the kind of impact he hopes for, when it twitches at the second swat you land, right over the same spot. Harder than the first, because you won’t have him scowling at you, goddamn brat.

"Hope you know how to sleep with one eye open," cracks when you get a handful of flesh, quieter when he hangs his head. The pants are thin, and you feel the warmth from the swats, hell, hear the blood fizz under the surface. "Get you back for this."

You frown, not at the threat, but another rush of blood you hear. Feel, even better, in your lap.

You growl and throw a withering look his way, because fucking seriously? "You gettin’ hardover this?"

You hear the bones grind, Josh gritting his teeth, when you give the spot you’ve hit twice now a slow rub. Christ, he is, and he’s halfway there by the time you’ve rubbed enough circles into the warmed skin that you have to strain to hear the fizzing blood. You should’ve guessed he was into this, not like he doesn’t rile you up to pin or chase him anyway, this even makes sense.

The swipe to his left thigh is sudden, vampire speed but not strength because you aren’t that cruel. Your ears perk at the sound it gets, when the crack settles again, but before you can ask if he’s fine you feel his thigh rise up into your hand. You can’t help but scoff, because Christ’s sake, you weren’t trying to get frisky with him—and that ship’s goddamn sailed, because you’re helping him get hard.

You’re getting hard, too, can’t be a hypocrite about that. Josh feels it, pushing up into his side, and when he twists his head back again he’s flushed and his mouth’s open. His eyes are glazed over, brow’s furrowed, you think, but it’s hard to tell with the mop of hair in the way. Dammit,and you get a handful of his shirt in your striking hand to keep him from toppling over, and unwrap the other to push the hair off his face.

You can hear his sigh just fine, but it thrums into your fingers where you keep them pushed into his scalp, warm, damp from work and running from you. "Done already, baby? Maybe we can switch," buzzes up your arm.

Shit. You aren’t excited for that, because if he’s going to get you back he’s damn well working for it. But you can feel him reacting to you, swamping your senses; a whine when your fingers curl in the bangs before combing out, his hips shimmying when your arm loops over again, the muscles of his hide clenching as you drag down his pants and boxers.

That last one gets a sharp breath that’s followed up with a sharper swat. You suck in a gasp yourself and tighten your arm, giving your hard-on friction to grind off of, as you run your fingertips over the barely-pink skin. Warm, hot, without the fabric, and it fizzles louder like damn fireworks, when you drop your palm over the left cheek.

"Baby? Not getting any, uh, urges? Know I look good ‘nough to eat normally, but—"

"Shut up," you snarl, and then you’re smacking him again.

It’s anger at this bullshit, your injury, your arm throbbing as Josh twitches against the hold you just double down on when you start laying down swats quick and hard. He could’ve killed you, and he was too damn high to realize it, to apologize, still hasn’t.

But it’s some twisted fascination, too, watching the barely-pink go hot pink, white in the beat after a blow before it blooms darker, then red. You hear the blood fizz, pop, and simmer with each shade the flesh darkens to. Ass goes slower than the thighs, more meat to them, and that reminds you that there’s something to grab so you do. Not after every swat, just to give you both a breather, and you groan when you peel your hand off each time and a five-fingered print flares white before reddening again.

"Hope you choke on those damn donuts," you groan, throaty, when you realize your aim goes off because Josh is rutting into your damn lap. "Quit moving, lemme."

He goes rigid when you grab a hot thigh and spread him open, shift him right so his cock isn’t snug against your leg, and start to stroke. Cruelly slow, but it’s not like he’s getting out of this without some discipline. But you wouldn’t exactly mind doing this again, either...

"No one’s dead, then?"

Josh yelps and finally does buck off your lap. You let him, falling in a heap with his pants still down to his knees, because you’re too busy cringing back from the circle of UV light pointed at the floor. On concrete, not too close to the steps, but you’ve had enough of that wicked light as it is.

Blade doesn’t look bothered by Josh’s undressed, red ass, or the wet spot he left on your jeans. Neither of you finished, just pre-cum, but you’re not keeping a nose or ear out to scent or hear if Josh does by accident in the scramble. You’ve got something else on your mind, that wicks away the lust and anger and drags hunger up your throat so fast you’re dizzy.

The IV bag’s tossed to you, torn into and drained in the time it takes Blade to fish out another from his bag. You hear the flashlight go off and pounce out onto concrete to burrow into the second one he gives over, then growl for the third you can smell when he doesn’t offer it.

"There a problem?"

Your growl sputters, and Josh must’ve gotten his pants back up because he draws attention to himself now. "All good, B. Just looking for some shit for the panels."

Blade doesn’t ask what shit required Josh’s nose being two inches from the lowest step, or being over your lap while he looked, but you go deaf to what they do talk about when the third bag’s thrown your way. By the time you finish, wiggling the puncture marks over your yawning mouth to get the last drop, Blade’s gone and Josh’s face wrinkles.

"Oh, now you don’t want to bother me?" you purr, all fangs, your arm hardly aching and your throat good and wet.

"Shit, dude, would table manners kill you?"

You purr louder, a chuckle, as Josh turns away and goes to hide on his couch with his TV. Close to dawn, anyway, and it’s better to have two pairs of hands for the panels. At least that’s what Josh will tell Blade, probably, if he asks why he isn’t working on it in the morning when you’re sleeping. You’re betting on Blade either calling him out, saying a sore ass doesn’t mean a day off, or just letting it slide. He’s not stranger to vampire strength, even if it’s never been applied to his ass.

Well, Josh can tell him all about it, and you wipe the blood off your face, purr throttling in a real laugh, as Josh decides to lay down on his stomach while he fumbles with the TV.

"Gonna get you back," he reminds you.

In the dim, barely-lit room, with just some cartoon to flick pale tones over the dark space, you lurk over and crawl up onto the back of the couch, balancing on your side, so you can lick your fingers clean and run them through his hair. You tune out the shitty TV to hone in on his blood, calming down, still sputtering around his warm ass. It’s white noise you lose yourself in, purring at his swears when he shifts and agitates the flesh.

[intheticklecloset]

Give Up, Deku! (My Hero Academia)

Primary Universe

I’m now halfway through season four of MHA and I STILL LOVE IT SO FREAKING MUCH. Gaaaahhhh!! I can’t wait to find out what happens AND write all sorts of fun tickle fics for this fandom! ^^

Note: This fic is not part of the 12 Days of Ficmas.

~

Deku didn’t really get into moods often. It was like he’d told everyone before: he didn’t mind being tickled, but he was so sensitive he usually couldn’t take it very long. But something had changed in the last couple of days. Ever since Bakugou had revealed his secret to everyone in the dorm, all of his classmates would randomly poke him, scribble against a ticklish spot, or tease him verbally about how ticklish he was. Everyone had gotten in on the fun of making Deku laugh at least once a day.

Everyone, that is, except Bakugou.

With every day that went by, Deku wished more and more that his old friend would join in on the fun, even if only for a moment. But the atomic blonde was grumpy as ever. Even when Deku was being tickled outright by someone, he’d just walk by like it wasn’t happening. It was confusing and honestly a little disappointing. He’d been the one to out him – so why wasn’t he taking part in any of it now?

Finally, one evening, he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t even focus on his homework, he was so hung up on why Bakugou wouldn’t tickle him. With a muttered apology, Deku left the others in the study circle and took the elevator up to the floor that housed his old friend’s dorm room. All the way to the elevator, during the ride, and even after disembarking he didn’t know what he was going to do. So when he found himself in front of Bakugou’s door, prepared to knock, he surprised himself.

He was even more surprised when Bakugou opened it before he lifted a hand.

The explosive teen stopped in his tracks, blinking once before a mask of annoyance flitted over his face. “What do you want?”

Deku was struck mute, suddenly. Not that he’d had any idea what he would have said before, but now, looking into the angry eyes of Bakugou, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He shook his head. “N-Nothing. Sorry.”

“Tch.” Bakugou shoved past him, walking down the hall toward the elevator. “Stupid nerd.”

Deku, for his part, remained frozen where he was, now in front of the door leading to an empty dorm room, wondering what to do next. His floor was below this one; if he wanted to go to his room he’d have to get on the elevator with Bakugou, and that wasn’t a great idea. So he stood there, staring at the closed door, frantically wondering what to do.

Bakugou reached the elevator, pressed a button, and turned around, confused to see Deku exactly where he’d left him, looking completely lost.

The elevator door began to close, but in a sudden move Bakugou thrust out his arm to keep it open. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Huh?” Deku blinked and turned to him. “Oh! N-Nothing!” He held up his hands and backed away from the door. “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Bakugou growled, getting back off the elevator to saunter down the hall toward the green-haired boy. Deku, for his part, suddenly seemed panicked. For a moment he was a deer in headlights, then all at once he backed up against the wall between dorm rooms, watching as Bakugou approached him. “Why were you standing outside my door like a creep?”

“I-I…” Deku stammered, heart thudding in his chest. This was a perfect moment for him to tell the truth, to ask Bakugou why he wouldn’t tickle him. But he couldn’t form words. “I-I…I wasn’t…”

“Spit it out!” Bakugou roared, slamming his hands on either side of Deku’s face, trapping him against the wall. Deku yelped in startled surprise, flinching automatically, and when he looked into Bakugou’s eyes again he suddenly felt weak at the knees. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. Bakugou would think he was even more of a moron, and they had finally started being on shakily decent terms. He couldn’t.

“N-Nothing, Kacchan, I…” Deku gulped and slid down the wall, his knees finally giving out. “I changed my mind. It’s nothing.”

“Changed your mind about what?” Bakugou growled, staying right where he was, towering over Deku with a menacing demeanor.

“I…I can’t!” Deku cried, hiding his face in his hands. “I can’t do it. I was going to ask you something but now that we’re here I can’t do it, Kacchan!”

To his surprise, he was met with silence. He stayed hiding behind his hands for a few moments before daring to peek through his fingers. Bakugou was still there. He hadn’t left. He was just…standing there. Then suddenly he was crouching down so he was at eye level with Deku.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice a little softer. Not much, but just enough.

This time when Deku met his eyes, he didn’t see anger or hatred. He just saw confusion and an oddly genuine interest.

“I-It’s just that…you told everyone that I was ticklish, and they’ve all been tickling me ever since.” Deku’s words came out in a quiet rush. He averted his eyes. “Everyone except you.”

Bakugou scoffed. “You don’t want me to tickle you. You know I put one-hundred and ten percent into everything I do. You would die.”

“But I do want you to!” Deku blurted before he could lose his nerve. “I do, Kacchan! I know you’re brutal. I know you’re merciless. But I want that.”

Bakugou was silent again. He watched Deku for a long moment, expressionless, eyes giving nothing away. Then he reached for Deku’s shirt collar and yanked him harshly away from the wall, shoving him down to the floor of the hallway and straddling his hips in one swift movement.

Deku’s eyes went wide. “W-Wait!”

“It’s too late for that, nerd.” Bakugou smirked evilly, sliding his hands under Deku’s shirt, curling his fingers into claws, and digging roughly into his ribs. “You said you wanted it. So here you go.”

“N-No! WahahaHAHAHAHAIT!!” Deku shrieked, limbs flailing as Bakugou tickled him ruthlessly. “KAHAHAHAHAHACCHAN!!”

Bakugou said nothing. He merely continued to dig his fingers methodically into Deku’s ribs and sides, making the smaller hero squeal and shake with laughter, a bright red flush coming to his cheeks as he shook his head.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Deku knew begging would be useless now, so for the moment he gave himself up to hysterical laughter. When the others tickled him here he usually only giggled unless multiple ticklers were involved. But the others held back because they knew how ticklish he was, how easily overpowered he was. Bakugou didn’t care about any of that. He was rough, precise, absolutely relentless. Which is exactly why Deku wanted him to take care of this rare mood of his. “GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! KACCHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN!!”

“Is that all you can do? Say my name?” Bakugou mocked, evil smile still in place. “Come on, Deku. Be more original than that. At least let me hear some begging.” He slid his clawed fingers down to his hips, and the smaller boy absolutely screamed.

“NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! NONONONONO NOT THEHEHEHEHEHEHERE!!” Deku pleaded, trying to push Bakugou off of him but too weak to do more than tap lightly on his arms. “STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

“You did this to yourself, idiot.” Bakugou suddenly thrust one of his hands up to cover Deku’s mouth, muffling his screams and cries for mercy. “Tickle, tickle, little nerd. Heh.” His victim turned an even darker shade of red and thrashed harder than before, trying to pry one hand from his mouth and the other from his hip. “What’s the matter? Can’t handle a little teasing? I told you you didn’t want me to tickle you. I’m not stopping now. One-hundred and ten percent, remember?”

For a brief moment Deku managed to free his mouth. “STAHAHAHAHAHAP I CAHAHAHAHAN’T--!!” Then he was muffled again.

Bakugou smirked. “Can’t take it, huh? Too bad, Deku. I warned you. You asked for this. Now suffer the consequences.”

Deku was losing his mind. Bakugou’s clawed fingers tickled so much, and he was screaming and kicking and flailing desperately, all to no avail, unable even to beg for mercy. What had he done, getting himself into this mess? And Bakugou wouldn’t leave that spot, either! He just stayed hooked there, moving wherever Deku bucked and squirmed, merciless in his targeting of his victim’s weakest spot.

After another minute or so Bakugou finally let up, but only to grab Deku’s wrists and shove them above his head, towering over him as he gasped for breath. “Regretting this yet?”

“K-Kacchan…” Deku gasped, face bright red and still giggling slightly. He looked up at Bakugou’s evil smirk and shivered under that intense gaze. “Why haven’t you done this before?”

Bakugou scoffed again. “I knew you couldn’t handle it. You aren’t handling it. Look at you; you’re a mess. You’re ridiculously ticklish, and I knew if I ever had you like this I wasn’t going to go easy on you. I never hold back.”

“B-But I wanted you to do this, didn’t you see that?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Bakugou shifted so he was holding both of Deku’s wrists with one hand. The other hovered dangerously close to his underarm. “Say you give up.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?” Deku protested seconds before being thrust back into ticklish hysterics. “GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!”

“Say you give up, Deku!” The atomic blonde growled, going harder than before. “Let me hear you say it!”

“WAHAHAHAHAHAIT!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAT DO YOU MEHEHEHEHEAN IT D-DOHOHOHOHOESN’T MAHAHAHAHATTER?!”

Bakugou growled louder this time, releasing his hold on Deku’s wrists to plunge both hands into both underarms. Instantly Deku’s arms shot down, only further trapping his assailant, making his laughter reach new levels of hysterics.

“You push yourself beyond your limit all the time, Deku!” Bakugou shouted to be heard over the ruckus. “You always say it’s fine but everyone knows it’s not! You said you wanted this, but look at you now! You can’t take it! We both know you can’t! Give up already!”

Deku could only shake his head and cry, “STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

Bakugou did stop, once again grabbing Deku’s wrists and pinning them down, keeping him trapped. “Why won’t you give up, dang it?”

“Because…this isn’t…like the other times…I’ve pushed myself…” Deku gasped for breath every couple of words. “I’m not fighting…I’m not punching or…or kicking…I’m just being tickled.” He took a deep breath and looked up at Bakugou. “That’s all, Kacchan. You know this isn’t hurting me.”

“You’re losing your mind.”

“Sometimes it’s good to get out of your head for a while.” Deku smiled. “Besides, the truth is, I knew you were the only one who wouldn’t go easy on me. That’s why I wanted to you do it so bad.”

“You wanted to be completely helpless, laughing your guts out like this?”

Deku swallowed. “This time, yeah.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, then brought Deku’s arms down so he could pin them at his sides with his knees. He cracked his knuckles and grabbed the smaller boy’s hips, digging ruthlessly. “Fine. I’ll make you give up.”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHO NOT AGAHAHAHAHAHAIN!!”

“You wanted this.” Bakugou smirked, keeping up his steady pace, knowing it would break his rival eventually. “Now man up and take it. Tickle, tickle, tickle.”

“GAHAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHOHO!!” Deku tossed his head back and screamed with renewed hysterics, his face going dark red all over again. “DOHOHOHOHOHON’T TEHEHEHEHEASE ME!!”

“Idiot. You just dug your own grave. Tickle, tickle, tickle!” Bakugou couldn’t help but smile at the shriek that ripped out of Deku at his words. “What’s wrong? The big, strong heir of All Might can’t take a little teasing?”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

“Hmm. All Might. I wonder what he’d say if he saw you like this, completely at my mercy. Oh, and wait until I tell him you asked for this.”

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! KACCAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN!!”

“That’s right. The wannabe hero brought down by just a little tickling. You’d better hope no villains find out about this little secret.”

Deku was laughing so hard tears had come to his eyes now. One spilled down his cheek as he begged for mercy. “PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE, KACCHAN!! NO MOHOHOHOHOHOHORE!!”

Something about the way Deku said ‘please’ in this scenario made Bakugou feel an extreme sense of victory. It was pure, unadulterated desperation, coming from his childhood friend turned enemy turned rival. It was all so perfectly satisfying.

“Say it again.”

“PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!” Deku screeched, a red-faced, teary-eyed puddle of pure laughter. “PLEASE STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

“Give up, Deku!”

“ALL RIHIHIHIHIHIGHT I GIHIHIHIHIHIHVE UP!! I GIVE UP!! PLEHEHEHEHASE!!”

Bakugou stopped tickling, grinning in satisfaction at having won this little battle. He climbed off of Deku as the poor hero gasped for air, curling into a ball on the floor.

“Happy now?” Bakugou muttered when it seemed Deku had finally caught his breath.

Deku nodded weakly. “T-Thanks, Kacchan.”

“Whatever, nerd. Don’t get used to it. I’m still going to take you down and become the number-one hero.” He got to his feet, smirking down at his rival as he shakily sat up against the wall. “Shouldn’t be too hard, considering that I know about this.”

“Y-Yeah, well…” Deku mustered a smirk of his own and looked up at him. “Don’t get cocky. You forget that I know you’re ticklish, too.”

“Shut up!” Bakugou yelled, turning on his heel and storming down the hall toward the elevator.

Deku laughed all over again.

~

Read the sequel story: Get Back Here, Deku!