#he will be all for giving himself up for those he loves bc he is immortal and can’t be hurt
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okay so what about vi as a parent…
send me vi thirsts and i'll give u my hand in marriage
OKAYYYYYYYY LOOK. we are tryna hURT today huh. no alright tho like it would depend on the kid. i deeply believe that vi as a girl!mom vs a boy!mom would be SO dif. (girl!mom vi under the cut)
bc like consider. boy!mom vi - always down to toss a ball around, always down to play wrestle and get down and dirty, gets too carried away playing all the time, youve DEF come home to the house just like an absolute WRECK of feathers and cut up paper and like the bedsheets stripped and flung over the dining chairs, ur son standing on top of the dining table as vi pretends to be "breaching the fortress" and they both freeze when you clear ur throat like "uhm... what's this now?"
vi looks at you with those big athena eyes of hers like "oH! welcome back baby! uh this is --" and ur son leaps down and throws himself at ur waist like, "momma said that if we take the bedsheets we can make a castle and a mote!" and vi glares but withers a little when you hitch an eyebrow in her direction "she DID, did she?"
"she also said that REAL knights definitely use rolling pins as -"
"OKAY kiddo -- ahaha, what did i say about spilling national secrets hm?"
ur son just looks confused for a second, swinging off your arm, "but -- but you said mummy's the princess and all this is for her!"
vi sputters for a solid three seconds before sighing and you laugh, picking up your son and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "aww, so this is all for me?" he giggles, nodding, throwing his arms around your neck.
vi chuckles, looking sheepish and rubbing the back of her neck.
"yep!" your son pulls back with a bright grin, "momma said that because we both love you most, we have to protect you with all our mights!"
you laugh, softening as you put your son down. "she said that, did she?" he nods fervently even as vi groans, running a hand over her face, her cheeks a deep maroon.
"well, since you both love me so much -- you wouldn't mind helping clean up the castle before the evening feast, would you?"
"feast?" they both look up, eyes bright.
you hold up the large bag of takeout and they both whoop, vi tugging you in for a long kiss, laughing when she pulls away.
"y'know. you really are... everything."
---
BUT NOW CONSIDER. girl!mom vi. who would be sweetest, most protective, bc you've seen her as a big sister to basically all the kids in zaun, and her own daughter???? she'd do anything for her. to the point where you sometimes have to remind her not to be too much, to let your daughter stumble sometimes, to make mistakes bc that's how you learn.
"but -- god. i'm just so terrified --"
"yeah, welcome to being a parent," you say, nosing into her cheek one night as you watch your daughter sleep, curled up on the bed between the pair of you, snoring slightly as she sleeps.
vi reaches down to run a hand through her hair, curling a strand around a finger, her eyes so soft it almost breaks your heart.
"yeah i know but..." vi's voice is tender, " thought having a little sister was bad..."
you laugh softly, pressing a kiss to vi's cheek.
"let's not jinx this."
vi's lips twitch, but her gaze stays warm. she pulls you into her side.
"you're gonna have to tie me up in the basement once she starts dating."
you snort, "tie you up? please. i'll have to call in favors with both jayce and mel -- maybe they've got something stocked up that'll keep you restrained but i know ropes aren't gonna do jack shit."
vi chuckles before her expression changes.
"promise me... things will be okay."
"hey -- look at me." you cup her cheek; she turns, her eyes a thunder-struck sea, the edge of the world on a rainy day.
"it'll be okay," you say, pressing your foreheads.
"thanks, cupcake. i love you."
you smile, tugging vi in for a kiss.
"yeah. i know. i love you too."
#⛈ monsoon season#vi x reader#arcane x reader#vi arcane x reader#vi x you#arcane x you#vi x y/n#arcane x y/n#vi fluff#arcane fluff#ugh just domestic bliss for vi truly#arcane#help :( now im feeling a lot of things#also sorry for the ASS formatting on this i literally wrote this on my phone
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rimming enha and them just taking it im so hornyygfeww
this wasn't what u asked for but im feral rn so here is hyung line + ass eating. warnings: ASS EATING [my specialty]!!!!!!!!!
☆ jay:
jay would fight you at first, but he's very aware that you have far more energy to win the fight considering he spends all day every day being the perfect man for you. wouldn't take that much to have him giving in either, but he'd be nervous. Probably pulls away at the first lick or touch of his hole ;o; definitely wouldn't let you near it unless he's showered and double checked it in the mirror either. his moans tho, when he realizes how good it feels....oh boy. soft little gasps into his arm while he covers his face, feeling more vulnerable than usual bc he's so used to being the one eating you out. eventually he'd probably shyly ask for it, like "babe, remember when you..." and you[me] would be like "SAY NO MORE" while throwing his legs up in the air and holding those cheeks open with a grip that god himself couldn't tear away.
★ jake:
The type to spread his cheeks for you with both hands and look back at you with sparkly tired eyes. idk, i think you guys are aware of how i feel about jake and how biased i am towards eating his ass. he'd constantly stay cleaned up and groomed too just in case, because he's always going to ask you for it. Definitely loves when you lick the mixture of your own slick + his huge loads of cum off of it too. He would make you stay on it if you're on top, waiting for the mess to drip all the way back between his cheeks, then ask you to lick it :D and you would, because you're both nasty together and i just think thats super hot and very neat.
☆ sunghoon:
you'd have to ask him approximately six million times before he eventually lets you. wouldn't really admit that he's into it either, but you'd know solely because of the way he tries to hide jerking himself off through it. he'd never tell a soul, and feels lucky to have you remain so quiet about it too. it's like a little secret you guys share, and you'd eventually make him feel so safe with the secret that he'd maaaaaaybe start asking you for it from time to time. like, "you don't have to if you don't want to..."
★ heeseung:
you don't ask, he doesn't ask. he forces your face between his cheeks and makes you lick it as a form of humiliation. He doesn't even like it that much, but loves to call you gross because you just....you just do it? like you'd do anything for him if you're willing to eat his ass. suffocate you on it, really. I'm talking on his knees straddling your chest, face fucking you before quickly whipping around with a laugh and planting his hole right on your gasping mouth. *sigh* he's a freak.
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OK so we've joked about Spite being a peeper when Rookanis have sex
But what about when Lucanis flies solo?
Does Spite do it, when he has control?
Does he do it different?
More often?
What are our nasty filthy thoughts on this?
[mine under cut]
Spite will do it if Lucanis is pent up enough
[I have not necessarily yet figured out when Lucanis does it himself]
Lucanis will fall asleep hard and Spite will just go to town like "I do not wish for a third leg my host is blue-balling us to death and I'm so NOT here for that"
but Spite will just take the edge off and not take time to figure out his preferences
(like there's no caressing their own chest, no pulling their own hair, no ball-massaging, just the old rut'n'tug, at most into a folded pillow)
I want to say Spite doesn't understand why Lucanis would sit in his lust like a teabag in water when he could just fuck Rook (like, outside of consent being key)
(Like, Spite isn't stupid, he knows they shouldn't just attack Rook unless they all want the attack to happen, but my Rook is [like me] v horny and Spite knows that, and Lucanis does too, so WHY IS NOONE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT THIS IS SO INFURIATING)
and Lucanis (before him and Rook get physical, at least) doesn't want to explain how they're not there yet
and Lucanis also doesn't want to think about what it means if he masturbates thinking about Rook (because he knows what it means, what they mean, and that terrifies him)
(also thinkthonk about his inexperience and insecurity and he just really wants to please Rook like omg he loves them so much it paralyzes him)
all this being said, I've not had sex in over a year and tbf I left so underwhelmed I might just be re-untouched
if someone more experienced in writing smut and also touching dicks is exploring that topic, please tag me 👀
[op gasps in epiphany]
what if Spite like, smells that Rook masturbated?* Like the sweat-salt and hormones and fluids on their fingers
Would he tell Lucanis?
* im still a little foggy on the information flow between those two. i don't know if Lucanis just knows everything Spite knows bc they're the same body. But if yes that just gives me more questions, like How does Lucanis feel about knowing they masturbated? Not in a conservative, shaming kind of way, but does he wonder if they thought of him? bc he thinks of them when he does it? How does he feel about the possibility of that? [I'm so single and disconnected from human connection it's starting to become a problem haha🫠]
#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age lucanis#lucanis x rook#rook x lucanis#rookanis#lucanis dragon age#lucanis my beloved#spite dragon age#dragon age#dragon age spite#spite#dragonage#dragon age meta#lemon#maybe?#rinarambles#rinascreamsaboutbioware#writingref#imsosingle.pdf
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Could I request something cutesy with Touya like first date or first kiss🥺 him trying to act cool but being insanely nervous🤭 Need some fluff with him after he was done so dirty in canon :( thank you!!
omg I was actually thinking of the same thing when I saw this lmao so enjoyyyy
Touya Todoroki/Dabi x gn!reader (childhood friend too bc I absolutely love the concept for Touya ngl)
Summary: First kiss teehee
For as long as you could remember, the two of you had been thick as thieves. Always spending your school breaks together, always fooling around, finding ways to pass the time having fun despite both of your lives only getting drearier. One day, he disappeared from the lives of everyone he knew. Except you, of course. Because as soon as he learned his family didn’t care, he realized that there was only one single person in the world that he could rely on.
And right now, he was coming to a realization that he was deeply in love with that person.
“You got plans Friday?”
The question came out earlier than he’d anticipated. He’d gone over what he wanted to say before he asked that, planned how to warm you up to the idea first, but one glance at you and he seemed to have forgotten about those plans. You glanced up at him, a confused smile forming on your face. “uh, why-“
“new noodle place opened up. Wanted someone to try it with”
he looked away as he spoke, avoiding your knowing gaze at all costs. He heard you giggle, causing him even further frustration as you moved closer. “Are you asking me out?” You teased, trying to get him to look at you, but he wouldn’t budge, inwardly glad that his face was too burnt for you to see how flushed he’d be otherwise. “No. But if you really don’t wanna go I’ll just take someone else.” He said gruffly, trying to cover his tracks, to avert suspicion, to stop you from looking at him like that. It didn’t work.
In fact, his plans had so terribly not gone his way, that he was blushing the entire time the two of you had sat to eat, he was barely talking, barely eating, barely looking at you. Because it was a date. And he was scared as hell.
But he managed to keep his cool throughout the meal, at least till the two of you got outside, and he was walking you home.
You were yapping on about something that had happened at your work, and as usual, he was listening, his eyes shifting around as the two of you walked, but he found himself looking back at you more and more.
“Touya?”
“huh?”
“you’re staring”
He scoffed, looking away. “Am not.” He stuffed his hands further into his pockets, trying to keep his frown from getting any closer to a smile. “That was totally a date I was right” you giggled, nudging his shoulder with yours, the feeling, of course, only flustering him further. “I’ll just never take you anywhere again then” he replied bluntly, leading you to pout. “Oh come on! It was a really fun date if it helps-“ “stop. It wasn’t a-“ his eyes landed on you, and the words caught in his throat the same way his breath usually did. “What’s wrong?” You tilted your head, and he sighed, trying to avoid your face once more as he spoke once again, the little nervous tremor in his voice giving away his true feelings.
“wanna do this again next Friday?”
His blue eyes scanned you fully now, desperate for your answer, no matter what it was. He needed the honesty, good or bad, he needed this reply. But he was still shocked to his bones at your grinning response.
“absolutely”
(Ong y’all always have the best requests tysm I hope y’all enjoy this cos I had so much fun writing it 🙌🙌🙌)
#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha touya#mha touya#touya x reader#dabi x reader#touya todoroki#dabi headcanons#touya headcanons
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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I reread your fic where wukong dies and macaque mourns for him, and it was very sad the first time. And it's still sad, but the second time I just had an image of macaque dying himself (no direct suicide, but being reckless in fights and throwing himself thoughtlessly in danger, and just not dodging or not doing moves that he knew would put him in an advantage). Then wukong somehow returning, dragging macaque ear bc he wasn't allowed to die again
see, in those fics, Wukong dies because he gives up his final and first attachment (his immortality) for the sake of those he loves. and Macky wouldn’t know how to reverse that (also the kings weren’t dead in the making of those fics lmao)
Macky dying????? not on Wukong’s fucking watch. because it’s not that Mac wants to die (he wants to live. he wants to live so much and see where this life goes), he is just at a point where he would put his own life on the line for Wukong and MK’s sake. but Wukong cannot allow it. he will wreak havoc once more, go into the Diyu and drag Macky back kicking and screaming if he has to (dead kings or no)
#idk i just think they need to chill tf out lmao /j#in those fics Macky won’t drag Wukong out because this was SWK’s choice whether or not the outcome was faster than it was supposed to be#does that make sense?#in the fic my intention was that SWK’s immortality was already dwindling and he didn’t stop it bc of his love for MK#and Macky didn’t stop him or fight it out of respect as much as it hurt him#BUT! Wukong is a giant hypocrite#he will be all for giving himself up for those he loves bc he is immortal and can’t be hurt#(or bc he’s lived long enough that death is welcomed)#him losing his personal attachments/friends/loved ones?????? out of the question#he WILL lecture you about it after forcing his rank and power to revive you#and for Macky????? someone he lost that he maybe wasn’t aware was lost/dead????#yeah that is a ‘i am not letting what happened before happen again and fix it this time’#lmk sun wukong#chill OUT my guy#shadowpeach#asks#lmk
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lays on the floor do you guys ever think about how in ResF Bulma falls for Vegeta's fake-out with Freeza and both she and Yamcha are worried about Vegeta's villain fake-out strategy in Champa and Beerus' mini tournament and how it's only been a couple of years since the Buu saga and how Vegeta straight up stopped using that strategy after that tournament
#i do#do you think he noticed it upset her twice in a row and was like 'oh I haven't earned the trust back yet i'll retire this strat'#'it's fun to scare people but i do not like my wife being scared we can put this one up on the shelf for emergencies only'#because like bulma can consciously trust him and I'm sure she does but one can still have The Fear if you've seen your spouse relapse befor#And he probably thinks it's very amusing but it is also almost certainly very not funny for her no matter how much she trusts him#and the next arc is Trunks and she's so worried about the way he left she ignored the PDA rules and squished him when she saw him alive#Because Geets determination can be self destructive when it comes to Bulma and Trunks and he killed himself to protect them once before#and knowing how connected they've been for so long some part of her probably Knew he would opt to stay behind and die like he was going to#And I love the idea that between those two events and all of the things Trunks tells him about Bulma during the GB arc Geets has to really#really be confronted with how loved he is -- and it's not that he wasn't aware before but knowing she even missed him at his worst#and loved him maybe even before she was pregnant -- means the cruel part of his mind can't make excuses for why she stayed with him#I also like to think that being confronted with the idea that Bulma is still scared for him getting his worst wires tripped#wouldn't be offensive to him. Knowing he's still got work to do if his wife is worried about those things happening to him again#is just proof that she loves him with his flaws and was still thinking about it and supporting his recovery when he didn't#even notice he was recovering -- which has always been true of her -- and now he has the chance to support her recovery in return#and being in a place where he can still put that work in to make her feel secure in his priorities is a privilege and a gift#and man I just really like how casually comfortably close they are in Super's manga I love them a lot they worked so hard#to make each other feel safe and secure for the past decade+ that it's Easy for them both now and they're SUCH a confident couple#and I am once again shaking the anime by the shoulders WHY didn't you give us that they are SO the team's Mom and Dad in the manga#until Goku riles Vegeta up -- then Piccolo is the team Dad. Bc Piccolo is the team Grandpa aksjda The Z-Fighter's locker room judge#dbtag#vegebul#putting the whole essay in the tags again oops#happy pride i am gay for a whole married couple
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Every appearance of the red-haired menace that is early Laurence forces me to sit here and stew upon how I will fix his introduction in the rewrite. As a coping mechanism. Unfortunately since I can't remember the parts where his character isn't just harassment so I can't cook with the themes the way I'd like to. Like the way he calls Aph "my love" after she very explicitly in the text of the game tells him not to do that... bad vibes. I think I could rock with his character if he'd done the same sort of approach in hitting on Aphmau as heavily, but the moment she lays down an actual boundary, he backs way the hell off. I could even fuck with her trying to be subtle about the boundary and him not getting it and continuing to make her uncomfortable before she snaps at him and he apologizes, saying that he truly didn't mean anything by it, and he respects the boundary she lays like his life depends on it from then on out. It would create some immediate complexity in his need for explicit communication, and backs up the sort of deeper character hinting they seem to try to do when he's talking about Castor and Cadenza, this idea that he deeply cares, if being a bit pushy on accident. It would also make a good detail fueling the conflicts later on with the love triangle that can sort of prevent Laurence from looking like TOO much of a dickhead (him being unaware or misinterpreting situations, and the delicate nature of it making him uncomfortable asking questions, is a compelling reason to see somebody hurting his friends' feelings, and makes him significantly more sympathetic, opening him up for feelings of remorse and guilt).
#mcd#minecraft diaries#jeremiahs mcd notes#laurence mcd#i want autisic/adhd king laurence and im not even remotely joking#i think it would add a lot to his character to give him those struggles#if i'm recalling his character right anyways#i am still very early in the series#But i do recall vaguely there being conflicts where I was absolutely not on his side#and i had a very strong sense of justice as a kid so i imagine that i'm not making that up#but also its been 8 years so who knows#but i think he can still very much get off on the wrong foot with aph and it can still be good#i think honestly having him get off on the wrong foot and then work to make it up to her would be good as hell#bc it's a situation in which she sees him be willing to work on himself without much prompting#(aka as soon as he's told there's an issue he starts to work on it and she doesn't have to ask)#and she goes oh actually. you know what. maybe hes not a dick.#and she starts to be more comfortable around him over time#It might create this dynamic where it feels like he's always trying to catch up to her level#Always apologizing always being the wrong one#and then eventually when she does something that he can't just smile and bear#(as all friends hurt each other on accident one time or another#it is unavoidable we are but human and i believe Laurence would let a lot of things slide bc he knows how much she's had to forgive him for#And I can see as well it not going over well bc aphmau is not used to the idea of being the wrong one#and she had a reason for what she did and she gets defensive#Causing an uncomfortable moment of tension#I also think that there could be a good spot where Garroth is being more controlling as to try to protect aph and she is bothered by it#feeling in that moment very robbed of control and like he's not listening to her#and then here's laurence#who is willing to build himself anew brick by brick with her input#Like this is how I would overthink it if I wanted a true love triangle conflict introduced to the plot here
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those mike pov fics that really actually show the difference between mike and will's exterior behavior in the sense that mike sees and knows that will is less "tough" and "masculine" than him, but he doesn't think anything negative of it at all and is trying to break through to will who is trying to hide that bc he feels shame or embarrassment for it..... they jus hit different .
and when will sees that mike won't judge him for his sensitivity and that he actually loves that about him? that mike doesn't view him as any less of a man or view it as abnormal? and so he comes out of his shell and becomes so much more vibrant? bro im tearing up just thinking abt it like—
AND WHEN THAT IN TURN MAKES MIKE COME OUT OF HIS SHELL, TOO, AND BECOME MORE EXPRESSIVE AND VULNERABLE?! GODDDDDDDDD
#AUGH........... IT'S JUS SO GOOD...........#no one is one thing all the time but they do have a clear difference to them they aren't the same character replicated#and it's just so NICE to see that in fanfiction it's so satisfying to watch those personalities come together#please lord let mike be a bitch and blunt and rude -> mean at times etc etc he can be soft yes but that#is made so much more .... impactful by the fact that that ISN'T how he presents himself to everyone or most often it's a side of him that#you have to Earn !!#and will omggggggggg he's a shy little thing. compare how he acts with jon vs mike vs the party vs other figures .#he becomes more silly n snippy when he's comfortable with you and if he isnt on stable ground currently then he zips it all up n its when u#*ur on good terms again tht it comes back out etc etc like#these guys have layers. and they're so satisfying to watch come together#giving these characters a big fat kiss on the forehead bc i love them so much theyre jus so . Perfect
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THOUGHT ABT CHIP JRWI INCIDENT 40 DEAD 32 WOUNDED
#im so fucking far behind so I feel like I can’t rlly say shit#bc either its shit I’ve already said or abt events I haven’t witnessed myself#so I can’t like. give MY take im going off second hand info anyway#idk I just. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!#he’s so selfish and selfless and all he really wants is to protect and love#forever some part of him is stuck as that little boy on the black rose#whether it’s in his desire for family and crew or even just his… simple urge to do good for goods sake that children have#before hard reality and Reuben and the streets told him to keep to himself and only care abt him and his#idk I just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya#it took gillion beating the shit out of him for that selfish shell to break#for him to realize like. hey. you’re impacting the ppl you interact with and you’re being a *dick*#and after we see him care more not just for his crew (like keeping his promise to gillion to not lie or just trying to know them better)#but like. signing for la alma. giving up grimms magic to revive people. stealing from royalty to give to an orphanage#loffinlot chip just… WOULDNT do that. it wouldn’t help him and just puts him at risk. just ignore it keep your head down and leave.#and even WITH that growth he’s still got that selfish streak— in the most positive sense of the term#him turning down Lizzie’s army offer in joaldo is him prioritizing those close to him over the needs of the many#(versus with Grimm doing what serves the most— self-sacrifice is easier to swallow)#anyway. tumblr mobile stopped showing my last tags like 7 lines ago so im stopping here just.#know that fucker is rotating in here again.
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Thinking abt Taru fresh out of the Abyss, out with his siblings and spotting a rabbit or small animal. Instincts & habit kicking in ( those seldom lasted long in the Abyss, get it while he can, bring it to share with Master- ), him immediately setting to hunt and kill the creature then proudly bringing it back to his family, all smiles and blood-spattered, and being utterly thrown by the fact that he was not met with mildly disinterested praise, but sheer horror instead-
#hc; tartaglia#blood mention tw#animal death mention tw#//Happens only ONCE#//Bc ONCE was enough to really make him realize he can't HAVE what he had in the Abyss anymore#//In some ways; it's a good thing; he supposes. He now won't have to worry about what & when he'll eat next#//Won't have to worry abt being stalked and ambushed by creatures that would give most anyone nightmares (he sure as hell has them)#//But now; he's just been so Altered from how he used to be#//He's restless; body honed to attack and defend from the monstrous threats he's dealt with all that time#//He's got a battlelust no one could ever hope to match; bc those harrowing experiences truly got to the point of THRILLING him#//He MISSES the way his Master looked after him; being treated so softly is just TOO much now#//Prolly had moments where he just had a total disconnect from his family; just couldn't really bond with them again until after he enliste#//Though I like to think maybe he was able to with his younger sibs; bc they were too young to Get the rammifications of what happened#//Lil Teucer always smiling so bright like the sun; when the others look at him with hopelessness or despair; always asking for stories#//Anthon; always trying to get in his arms; whenever he starts dissociating or makes a face bc the elder family members upset him some way#//Tonia; helping fix him up when he comes home after a brawl; her scolding the only he really listens to; him pledging to be her knight#//Him damn near resigning himself that they might be the only ones who love him after everything (he doesn't realize that's not true)#until he gets enlisted & becomes a Harbinger. His more 'behaved' self in their eyes being palatble enough for things to slowly return to#'normal'; even if they can all tell (save maybe the youngest ones) that something is still Off about him. But it's FINE; all FINE; now#//'Better than before'; they would say#//Which is why he would place SUCH value and favor on a partner that GETS that part of him. Who would ENABLE him rather than restrict#//He wouldn't ask for them too; but he will NOT let them go; EVER; once he realizes
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i think a not-insignificant amount of the heartbreak crowley’s feeling in the end is because he’s finally truly understanding that what’s happening with aziraphale (as he perceives it) isn’t something that he can save him from.
#good omens#good omens 2#spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#like if there's truth in the coffee theory that'll be a whole other thing but if its all straightforward As Perceived#i do think that tracks and i do think that clicked#and there's something very real and painful about that idk#like you can't undo an entire existence of that manipulation and abuse and how much of aziraphale's sense of self is#wrapped up in it all. being an angel being Good serving a Purpose#crowley can give love and support and patience#be a sounding board and ask questions that help aziraphale step back from things and think sometimes#but that greater disconnect and that final realization of what heaven really is. he can't do that FOR aziraphale#aziraphale has to live and experience that on his own and finally actually let himself feel that#bc i think he's very good at not letting himself think about or feel those things even after being so crushed in s1#idk i feel a lot of religious trauma feelings about it i think it parallels that abusive relationship for a reason#like dont get me wrong the BULK of crowleys pain is from that interaction just generally and that rejection#but i think this also plays into it i think that perspective of someone who was thrown out and had the blinders removed#and having this interaction and realizing Oh. Oh there are still hooks deep into aziraphale there's this festering damage#Oh there's no amount of talk or hypotheticals that will sever the tether for him bc even after everything aziraphale BELIEVES. in heaven#as an institution. and idk man im just fascinated with that angle of it for crowley bc its like#SO complex
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the dilemma of having ideas that would be best expressed as comics but being afraid to draw
#im gonna give it an actual shot sometime soon. maybe in a sort of storyboard kinda look so i can give myself acceptable room for error#anyways. linebeck comic idea. kinda in vein with that ‘everyone on mercay knows linebeck’ had going on hang on#salty talks#i love using mask stuff with linebeck. both in an autism sense and i nthe general sense that he has multiple different outward fronts for#different situations. the idea that he lets other people decide on those masks for him and he goes along w what they might want#to see from him. not really in a people-pleasing way more in a way to get what he wants and avoid getting hurt or. whatever criticized ig#but its to the degree where his actual self is very… repressed? stunted? restless? he doesnt actually act like himself a lot and the maskin#tires him out and drives him to despise others bc he does it as a sort of defense mechanism and to get what he wants so in a sense whats#under those masks has turned into almost like a muzzled beast. hes abrasive and resentful and exhausted and just a lot of pent up nastiness#like there are times when he drops the mask and its fine (like when he does it around link in ph or. like. if hes in a good mood#but a lot of the time that pent up masked resentment is what bubbles up to the surface when hes alone and he finds ways to utilize it#this leads into the idea that all of that pent-up… frustration? with SO MUCH gets wrangled by bellum n used as motivation for bellumbeck#like. i do like the idea that bellumbeck is an awful fulfillment of a lot of things for linebeck. a chance to actually be able to protect#himself in a fight but also a brief outlet for every awful thought he’s repressed and shoved down. some of those bad thoughts being directe#at link ofc like theres a lot of envy and frustration there and it does lead to a lot of the guilt he feels afterwards. i like the line abt#him asking link if he knows he wouldnt hurt him is like him just saying that but also asking himself. like. he was forced to act on bad#thoughts yknow so then hes afraid of what that makes him even if it was forced. anyways. linebeck acting differently to get what he wants#and burying and allowing his actual nature to fester and become resentful until he finally drops that mask shit and airs it out#just some assorted linebeck thoughts here. taking whats a puddle in canon and turning that shit into a sea bc why not. this idea probably#doesnt come across in any of my current fics but i want to do smth with it going forward yknow#linebeck ideas. yippee. idk how far into ooc territory im in now and at this point i dont fucking care cuz im tired of worrying abt it
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Hhhhhhhhh i have been trying all day to find a way to coherently explain my brainrot on madahime but i all i can do is rambling on the vulnerability and freedom of not having to hide the parts of yourself that you consider unlovable and stained and dirty bc they have already seen the worst of you (quickly looking throught es database to see that mama does murder and meru does id theft and also murder?) And also indulging (?) more in afore mentioned fucked up side bc well the others esteem of them cant go lower (in theory) and "you are going down with me hand in unlovable hand" and ye being seen at your worst and probably not fully being accepted (knowing their current (non existant) dynamic) but at least acknowledged and witnessed. And this is just spiralling into more rambling on a smaller and smaller part of the dynamic
And then there just the tension, where both a fully capable and ready to kill the other (metaphorically or just plain old physically) but wont not just bc of the mutually assured destruction but someing deeper? Kin ship? recognition of the self in the polished armor of the opponent?
#aaaaa i have so many thoughts in my head and can get any of them down in a way that makes sense#this is why i failed lit#moth needs to stop being edgy for 5seconds and need to make sense#moth also needs to sleep#moth has once again been travelling and its hella tiring#god i so unsure about the mama characterisation and im constantly second guessing myselfy bc iwas pretty sure that i read somewhere that he#tends to hold others at an arms length being silly and friendly and warm and not letting anyone get to close while giving all the love he#can to those he cares about#but idk if that edgy fanon interpretation or not but if it is it contrasts very well with meru who also cares deeply about his loved ones#but cannot in anyway bring himself to express thoses emotions maybe bc hes not fully been allowed to feel love to and from others so he#discards the concept of love#aaaaaaaaaaaa#idk if this is me fully projecting or if its actual ya know analysis#eeeeee#if it doesnt make sense im deleting this when i wake up#anyway#moth chitters
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Grief is also not always the same. You may react one way to this death and a completely different way to that death, no matter the person. Grief is a messy, tricky thing, and it’s okay for it to be weird. Treat yourself with kindness.
Don’t beat yourself up for reacting one way to an acquaintance’s passing, then not reacting as intensely to a family member’s. Or for feeling terrible about other kinds of griefs that some people may not understand, like having to give up a pet to another home, or your house burning down, but differently to the loss of life. You’re going to process everything differently. That’s okay.
Btw, if you have not had tragedy dropped on you before, grief does fuck you up in unexpected and physical ways. If you can’t sleep or sleep more than expected or have more or reduced appetite, or energy goes weird— your brain just had a bunch of emotions dropped on it and sometimes it reacts by hitting every button in your brain. It will pass. Just try to not get too frustrated with yourself.
It’s also fine if you feel normal. Grief literally hits everybody differently, and some people are made to be able to to keep the farm going the day after a death, and some of us turn into sleepless gargoyles and get really into trying to help, and some of us are just unspeakably sad. Grief is weird. Be kind to yourself.
#are those all my personal experiences? yes#I lost a sort of friend—kid I grew up with at church and while we wouldn’t go hang out on our own#we got along at youth group nights and trips and things#he was great#and he passed away when I was a freshman in college from leukemia#and I was devastated#it was the first time I’d experienced that kind of grief where I was old enough to really understand it#and later that school year my great uncle passed away#and again we weren’t *close* but he lived close enough that we saw him every thanksgiving/christmas/easter+ yknow?#but I wasn’t that affected tbh#and then after I graduated college my grandpa passed away#and it completely destroyed me#it was awful#it’ll be 10 years this year and I still cry about it#a year after he passed my uncle (his son) killed himself in a very intense way#and….i didn’t react?#not really#and we weren’t like super close but close enough! I loved him a lot#uh but my dad asked me to go with and drive him up to our family up where they all lived/where it happened#so he could help w the aftermath#and the whole day I was teary sure but…I just wasn’t feeling it like everyone else was#like at all#and to this day I feel bad bc I don’t remember what day he died#I get sadder about my dad making us give away our dog than I do about my uncle#and it makes me mad#my brain won’t let me be that kind of sad that I wanna be
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While I’ve cared deeply for many people throughout my life, I have yet to have an experience of feeling I’ve found “the one” and feeling all the intense emotions that come with that.
So I’m curious: for anyone whose fallen in love with someone, what was your “heart stopping” moment like?
#I saw a video awhile ago where this guy FD Signifier on YouTube talks abt the moment he knew he was a goner for his know wife#where he basically has to remind himself to breathe bc he’s so excited and nervous to see her even though they’d already known each other#for like a year or so I think#so I’m just rlly curious to know what those physical and emotional sensations are like for other people#also partly bc I want to capture this feeling in writing#but I worry that my experience like this may not quite measure up to exactly how it happens in others who have fully fallen for someone#so#if anyone is willing to share I’d really appreciate it#writing#romance#relationships#yearning#love#couples#to keep it fair I’ll share a bit of mine#it was a crush I had at the time and we hadn’t seen each other in over a year bc of the pandemic#when I finally saw her on campus again it was like everything blurred around me and before I could even think about it I was walking quickly#over to her to give her a hug#we were good friends so part of it was just that I missed my friend#but I was reunited with many friends earlier that week and none of those reunions made me feel like this one#we are no longer friends unfortunately so it’s a bittersweet memory#but it’s all good#life happens that way sometimes
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