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[motley-cunt]

titty evolution in my instagram explore page I guess

[hollyhomburg]

Before I leave you (Pt.67)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: You and Hobi bury a dead body (That's a lie, Yoongi buries it for you).

Tags: blood, gore, body horror, death, dead bodies, everyone is pretty beat-up in this, brief implied self-harm but it's very quickly squashed- seriously it's nowhere near as bad as past scenes but i do have to tag it, Dissociation, tae is in the freeze part of fight or flight. hurt/comfort, mental breakdowns, flashbacks, discussions of past abusive relationships, everything is very fluffy until it's not,

W/c: 12.5k

A/N: Are you guys ready for Hoseok's secret reveal??? I'm really excited!!! But also terrified because this whole series has lead up to this point!!! A good number of people have already guessed his secret so congrats on getting it early <3

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Jimin sits on the stairs going down to the basement. His arm in a sling and bandaged up to the elbow. It aches with every small movement he makes as he peals a tangerine. He hasn't had any narcotics in a few hours and they're starting to wear off.

Jimin needs all of his brain power for this; For covering up the murder.

The fewer things running through his system the less sluggish and fuzzy his thoughts are. Jimin picks his poisons and fewer things make him less coherent than the panic and pain and near constant avalanche of thoughts. Tae, Tae's hurt, Tae's-

Tae's fine, Tae's upstairs with Y/n. he has to remind himself of these facts every few breaths. Tae's going to be okay because you wouldn't let anything happen to her.

There is evidence of that virtually everywhere; In the lines across your hands that Yoongi had dabbed at with a cool cloth, the swollen side of your jaw that he'd cradled. The blood drenching the opposite side of your face that he'd tenderly washed away. Not to mention the blood on the kitchen table, the floor, the ceiling. The blood splattered across your nest-

You don't fuck with an omega's nest; you don't fuck with their packmates.

Jimin quiets his brain with a steady breath as he looks down at Yoongi, Jin, and the body between the three of them wrapped in plastic.

He manages to peel the tangerine in his hand despite how uncooperative his left hand is. Numb at the fingertips just like it’s been since the surgery.

Namjoon had stroked his fingers and tested their give every chance he got, holding onto them and prodding while they waited in the hospital room and then again when Jimin got discharged. He said that they’d probably get better. Probably.

Tae's going to be fine because Namjoon is there too- had checked out her head with that soft alpha grumble croon of his. The most soothing sound in the world, and yet incapable of soothing this.

But Jimin knows nothing’s for certain, he might never get the feeling in his hand back. (This is Jimin's penance; The reminder of these tangled few weeks and how things went will be ever present. The reminder will be the first press of every touch with his non-dominant hand. He will never regain full feeling to the tips of his fingers. Never).

There are a few of noodle paw prints in the dust here, Jimin's ass is no doubt covered in it too from resting on the rickety stairs that lead into the half-finished basement. Little paw print marks that would make you coo and take pictures if you were down here.

But you’re not, you’re upstairs getting the evidence washed off of you.

No one's in that kind of mood right now anyway. No one’s been in that kind of mood for a few hours (or a few days, if he’s being honest, from Jungkook’s seizure, to getting shot, and then coming home to a dead body in their living room).

It’s been 4 hours since you killed someone in the kitchen. 3 hours since Jimin was discharged prematurely from the hospital and the rest of the pack was summoned home via a disturbingly calm call from Jin.

It’s been a tangle of moments even for the people not on hard drugs. Jimin feels like he's doing pretty good at answering the pack’s questions given the circumstances. You'd never know that, given Yoongi's eye roll and Jin's heavy sigh.

"Minnie- we're not asking you how you would have killed him just how you'd cover it up."

They used an old shower liner to wrap the body before they carried it downstairs. It makes a squeaky noise against Jin's rubber gloves (The pink elbow-high ones that he uses to do the dishes) as he pulls back the plastic sheet to reveal what's left of the assassin's head and face.

“I already told you, I don’t know his face- not even a little.” I’d have a pretty hard time identifying his face with the state she left it in regardless Is what he doesn't say.

Jimin tucks his chin, unsettled to look at the man's half-blown apart face for long. "I think he might be the spider but I don’t know. I never met him, only heard his name in passing.”

A small tattoo on the man's wrist reveals as much. A small spider tattoo that someone going to have to cut out and bury separately. Someone's going to have to get all of his teeth too- no identifying marks. None.

He’s a little too impressed with the state you’d left him in when he thinks about it. But once he’d seen your face and Hobi’s neck, not an inch of Jimin had felt the kill wasn’t justified. The whole pack feels that way, he knows they must even though they don't say it. Everyone's a little bit in shock right now.

Even Namjoon hadn’t even given the body a second glance when the pack had tumbled into the house. The pack alpha had simply alternated his fussing from you to Hobi to tae and then Jin. Torn between who needed him first. It was the first words Jimin had heard you speak. Your wet gasp, blood that wasn't yours flashing on your teeth. "Joonie- Hobi needs you."

Namjoon had calmed only once he realized that most of the blood on the three of you was the man’s. Yoongi had a similar reaction and so had Jimin, clutching at Tae. Angry at his arm for its uncooperativeness. About ready to tug off his sling and his bandages and stitches if it meant holding tae easier. He'd even tried it, only to be on the receiving end of a disapproving pack alpha growel too.

“Jimin you can’t; your stitches.”

“Fuck my stitches hyung.”

Numb fingers meet numb faces.

He's a bit ashamed of it, but when he first looked up from Tae to you- where you sat crumpled in Yoongi's hold. Your mate laying down a volley of sweet nothings to you to get you to stop shaking. There was only one sentence running through his head.

That’s my girl.

He'd reached over and squeezed your hand, blood and all. That blood has dried now. Soaked into the lines of his palm. Coloring his fate and love lines all rusty while he eats the tangerine. He should probably wash his hands. All of them probably need too.

Jungkook had been the only one willing to speak, closing the door softly behind him, locking it and treading softly closer. Careful to sidestep both the pools of blood and the piece of a skull sitting next to the couch. He looked down at the 7 of you with a surprisingly calm expression on his face.

"Can't we have one normal fucking day?"

Jungkook was the one who’d gone to the kitchen and gotten one of the hand towels to clean your face. His lips tightened to a line when he wiped away the blood and started to see the bruising, the cut across your temple dripping fresh. Lower lip wobbling ever so slightly.

“Kookie-”

Jungkook had turned to Jin and Namjoon, “I don’t want to deal with the body hyung." His hands were already under your arms, lifting you up, helpless. "Help me get them upstairs. We need to-” he’d let out a frustrated noise. Instincts coming to the full front- instincts he rarely feels.

Who knew blood would incur Jungkook's grooming instincts?

The last time Jimin saw Jungkook; He was helping Namjoon and Yoongi herd the three of you upstairs for a much-needed shower. Hobi hadn't been able to do it under his own power. Namjoon had to carry him.

Hobi; who's choked on every word he's tried to speak. Whose eyes are still red from all the burst blood vessels. Who easily got the closest to dying out of the four of you.

Everyone shakes when they touch Hobi and everyone touches him softly. Namjoon just about snaps his teeth at anyone who tries to get close. His hands turning red from the cold of an ice pack wrapped gently around the alpha's throat.

Jimin knows Jungkook's a lot more unnerved than he lets on, shuffling from foot to foot as he bound Tae up with a towel, taking her delicately from Jimin's arms. Carrying her in the same way Namjoon carried Hobi.

Yoongi was all soft helping you upstairs. Speaking in that quiet voice that he saves for Sunday mornings and stolen moments of quiet. Every moment, all of this is stolen.

And now- the beta is down here, leaning over the body and looking at it like it will tell him something that you won't. After your initial demand that Namjoon he tend to Hobi; you haven't spoken a word. Neither has Tae. Jin's done all of the talking.

There isn’t much to say.

Jimin feels the numbness in his hands and looks at Jin. He hasn't apologized for the bullet yet. But the more time that passes the less Jimin wants an apology. Mating marks come in many forms. Jimin has a scar on his body from one of his omega's- so really? What does he have to be upset about?

The whole house needs to be deep cleaned, and then deep cleaned again. There's blood everywhere; on the couch, the ceiling, the curtains. It's a lot to clean. It's going to be a lot to hide.

That's the only reason why Jimin's not upstairs helping you and Tae clean up right now; the body is unfortunately the biggest threat to the pack's safety at the moment.

There’s a bloodstain on the stairs too, a droplet next to where Jimin sits. he makes a mental note of it but doesn't move to wipe it up. He puts a tangerine slice on his tongue and chews before he answers Yoongi’s next question.

“I don’t know how to dispose of a body, I never dealt with this part. My only job was to kill, not take care of them after. I know there’s a way that you can do it with soap.”

Jin snorts, “You only know that from breaking bad-“

Jimin’s a little miffed, “We already have a plastic tub upstairs-”

“Lye,” Yoongi corrects, looking down at the body before he stoops to retape the plastic over the man's face. It was a bitch to wrap him up, the body stiff and heavy from rigor Mortis. The blood beneath it bubbles and darkens, coagulating. Yoongi's long hair falls over his face and he tucks it behind his ear.

“We could use the soap, but it might take a few days.” Jin clarifies.

“Do you think we can wait that long?”

“Absolutely not,” Jin’s got a similar ice pack to his wrists, the skin there bruised and red and swelling where he fought to get free from the handcuffs, where he eventually ripped down the banisters and broke through them with brute strength and panic.

You’d found the keys on the man’s body soon after and released him from the handcuffs, they're wrapped up in the plastic along with the frying pan, the gun that killed him, and a few other items from the living room that were just too bloodstained, every big piece of evidence will lie right beside him where he rests.

Jimin eats another slice of the tangerine, and Jin shrivels his nose at it. “Isn’t that a little gross?”

Yoongi mirrors his disgust. “Yeah Minnie, weren’t those covered in blood?”

But Jimin just shrugs, “I washed it and peeled it hyung” And keeps eating. After a few days of hospital food, the tangerines taste divine.

Yoongi stands from where he’s kneeling on his knees with a faint crack. “One part kitty litter, two parts concrete should keep out the smell,” Jin says, eyeing the 6 by-six-foot hole in the basement's foundation, already there from the plumbing that needed replacing.

Most of Yoongi's tools are down here too. His scrap pile of wood and the dozen bags of concrete. His hack saw and his circular saw that none of them are looking at. Yoongi had only just fit in the plumbing a few weeks ago. He'd been about to re-pour the foundation anyway.

“I’d rather not have a body buried in our house.”

Yoongi touches Jin’s wrist, so feather-light, removing the ice pack to check the swelling to see if it’s gone down. Jin's left hand is just as useless as Jimin's, the knuckles bruised and ballooned.

“It’s just for a few weeks, we can deal with this once it’s all calmed down, but we absolutely can’t go try and bury it. Who knows what the neighbors heard?”

They're all silent at that, silent at the idea that these few hours might be the last few that the pack spends free.

But over the next few hours, there are no blue and red flashing lights outside or concerned neighbors that come knocking. Your one saving grace is that this all happened during the middle of the day and all of your nearest neighbors have nine to five's. Is it so simple to hope that everyone was just at work? That no one heard the gunshots over the nearby roar of the passing train?

(Maybe they're just too used to the pack next door; the one that has the noisy ruts and noisy noisy packmates. The one whose alphas have a habit of opening the windows in the back room and let the sound of their roughhousing and video games flood the street. The ones who have extra loud movie nights. They're just a bunch of kids, how harmful could they really be? At least the pack alpha and omega look respectable.)

It's a good thing that no one comes; because Namjoon has more important problems, more important things to handle beyond the body in the basement or the police at the door.

Namjoon’s hands cradle Hobi’s neck. He wheeze as he tries to speak, his mouth falling open. He's mostly clean, but a rusty trickle of water from his hair trails down his shoulders.

Jungkook tugged him into the shower first and gave him a rough clean before handing him back to Namjoon. They sit on a towel together on the edge of the nest. they only moved him in here to give him some privacy- to distract him because Hobi kept reaching for you. you'd kept reaching back, tae was already in the shower under the stream.

"Pup- your hands- you're going to hurt yourself."

The Nestroom is dark and quiet. Every single blind in the house is draw. Only the christmas lights illuminate Hobi's injuries. Namjoon will tend to Tae and then you after he's checked out Hobi's injuries. will send him downstairs with Jin for some cold water to soothe his throat once he's done. once he's been cleaned again probably.

Hobi was covered with the most blood, having been just under the man when Tae had blown his throat apart while you- Namjoon doesn't want to think of it, doesn't want to see it.

(Namjoon thinks of every moment, sees them behind every blink. Blink and he sees you sitting in his lap over breakfast squirming happily. Blink and you're kneeling in a bloody puddle looking up at him.

Blink and you're curled up in the nest wearing the first pajama pants he'd given you. Blink and he's watching Jungkook dab at your bloody cheek, blink and you're turning into his hand to nuzzle as he wakes you for sunday morning breakfast. Blink and there’s sunlight spilling across your face and blood slipping down your chin. Namjoon's smallest and most sensitive pup not so innocent anymore.)

Namjoon touches Hobi's throat with no small amount of reverence. it cools the anger in his throat. Namjoon's anger has no good place to go.

When Hobi closes his eyes, he sees it too; the explosion of the bullet and the splat of blood pouring down his face. The shower earlier felt so similar- he almost couldn't handle it. He had to concentrate on Jungkook's voice narrating everything.

"Here Hobi, I'm gonna use some soap now. I like Tae's body wash. You know she always just picks whatever bottles are pinkest because she wants all her toiletries to match. It smells good, doesn't it? Can you take a deep breath for me? Through your nose?"

Endless meaningless Jibber jabber to distract all of them.

Now he shivers and shakes in Namjoon's hold. One part terror and one part near frostbite. Namjoon turns the heat up but Hobi still shakes as Namjoon checks his throat. "Open for me baby- that's a good boy."

He flashes a light down there, listening with his stethoscope. The cold metal end of it presses against his collarbones and the bruises too. Finger-shaped that lace over his jugular like a collar. Over Hobi's heart. Every thump ba-thump ba-thump music to Namjoon's ears.

Namjoon’s growl is soothing as he scoots closer to gather the injured alpha close to his chest. Shushing Hobi as he tries to speak for the dozenth time in the last hour. “Don’t try it, careful- I don’t think he did any lasting damage but-”

Namjoon breaks and his forehead drops to Hoseok’s shoulder, fingers rub out soothing circles on Hobi's wrist even as he starts to cry. Namjoon already stitched up the deep puncture wound there. He had to hold his wrist still as he dabbed the stingy antiseptic, the impulse to pull it away too great. The wound wasn't from a bullet but from the piece of the door that embedded itself in Hobi’s wrist. Blown apart the way he could have been.

Namjoon was so close to losing everything, to losing them.

The bruises, Hobi’s eyes, and his little raspy breaths. Everything both punishment and payment for every violent thing Namjoon wants to do. He feels powerless to do more than hold the smaller alpha right now. The strength in his arms doing little to protect Hobi from the hurts he's already nursing. Hoseok leans his head on Namjoon's shoulder and Just lets the alpha hold him.

If he’d come home to the four of you dead what would he have done? more accurately- What wouldn’t he have done?

Namjoon imagines it- the same way he's imagined it thousands of times. Tae's blood on her lips as pretty as any lip stain. Jin on the floor, his little big love wrapped up in permanent stillness like a mating shroud. Your body turned small and quiet the way you'd been when he'd met you- only so much worse. Hobi with his heart slow and absent of his near-constant music. Bodies stiff as statues, turned alters meant to worship both grief and love.

He’d probably have demanded Jimin and Yoongi tell him everything they knew. And then he’d have gone hunting.

Namjoon lets out a shaky breath and pulls away from Hoseok only to continue dabbing at his wounds. The violence of his alpha's instincts calmed by the sanctity of this- of making it better. of being gentle even when namjoon wants to be anything but.

Hoseok’s mute. Throat too swollen to make more than a soft hissing sound on command. Vocal cords not damaged just swollen. Leaving his brain to hurdle through the last few hours. Eyes closed but his mind wide open.

He sees it all behind his eyes; your hand descending with the frying pan, the explosion of wood near his head. The splat of hot blood against the wood floor. Gasping and getting blood in his mouth accidentally. Choking in it- drowning a little. Everything. The sting of smoke on his eyes. Your words ring in his ears like the final notes of a symphony.

“You can take me. I’ll go with you. Willingly. That’s what she wants isn’t it?”

Hoseok’s brain teases through what you might have meant with that. The unnamed she that you mention. Who, why, and what aren’t you telling them? Is it the woman that Yoongi talked to you about before?

He's unable to say anything to Namjoon even as the alpha softy cradles his damaged throat. Unable to even whisper it out through the swelling that threatens to cut off Hobi's airway. It feels like he's breathing through a straw. Namjoon says he's not going to choke, that it only feels that way. The panic is hard to let go of.

But who do you have to go back to there? You've never talked about the family like you wanted them, like they were your pack. Who have you run from? What monsters are here to haunt you? Who is after you? Or is it something darker- more sinister?

Maybe Hoseok's heart has never truly healed from Yoongi leaving them. Maybe a wounded heart remembers. Yoongi always had them to go back to that Hoseok had never questioned. But he's never wondered about you or stopped to consider that maybe, Yoongi's not the only one who left something.

The family doesn't exactly seem like something you can walk away from unscathed. Yoongi managed it, but Jimin didn't.

Hoseok should warn Namjoon, should tell someone but- it's impossible. His airway protesting with an agonizing twinge with every attempt he makes at speaking. He wonders if this is what being nonverbal felt like for you.

The pain pulses dully without adrenaline to dilute it as Namjoon so lovingly examines the marks, again and again. But he shouldn't be spending so much time. You and Tae are bruised and battered too- even if Hoseok’s are by far the worst; you need tending to.

Jin’s hands. Your face. Tae’s head. Hoseok’s throat. Each of you has lost the thing most necessary to your survival.

Hoseok thinks of the body, not the one that sits downstairs, but the one that you found months ago in the ocean. Maybe this wasn’t a coincidence. Maybe none of this was. How far back do the coincidences go? Between Jin and Yoongi who wouldn't have a relationship to stand on without Yoongi's family- how many other things in the pack are because of this?

Hoseok struggles to speak, to talk to Namjoon about what you'd almost done, what you'd almost bartered- but nothing but air comes out, and the pack alpha shushes him. His hands grip Namjoon's shoulders hard.

Namjoon wishes he had more than just numbing cream and sutures for Hobi’s hurts. Jimin’s already offered up some of his opioids for Hobi to sleep and as much as Namjoon hates the idea of anyone swapping medication- Hobi might actually need them.

Jimin’s doctor had been a little bit liberal with them, sure that his 6 on the pain scale had to be at least a 9. He could spare one or two. The truth is that nothing hurts more than this- seeing the people that you love in pain. Jimin and Namjoon save their 10s for days like this.

With the blood cooling, Namjoon’s anger has nowhere to go. The body in the basement has already gone cold.

In the quiet of the house they can audibly hear Seokjin and Yoongi start mixing the concrete. The dull scrape of a shovel against a bucket and the sound of a faucet dripping.

Namjoon wipes at Hobi’s throat, and Hoseok tries again- futile in his efforts to speak. Namjoon shushes him.

In the basement it goes; drip, scrape, drip.

~-~

Jungkook holds Tae up underneath the warm spray of water. The glass is foggy in places and clear and others, occasional spots of red water joining the constellation of them. She rests against Jungkook's chest, her body is prone and almost lifeless. Eyes vacant and glassy.

So shaky and tired as her body rockets down from its adrenaline high. A drop so abrupt that she could hardly hold herself up. A drop so terrifying that Jungkook must do it for her.

He doesn't mind, none of him minds as he cradles the back of her head oh so gently. Tae flinches, whether from pain or the sudden movement. Jungkook meets Jimin's eyes through the foggy glass and then yours. Biting his lower lip before Jimin nods and tells him to keep going.

Evidence is evidence. Washing off can’t wait.

Jimin has joined you upstairs with the body already packed away and on its way to being buried under the foundation of the house. Jimin watches on from outside the shower as he instructs Jungkook in a quiet voice on how to clean Tae of evidence properly. He's been quiet since then. Staring at them while Tae stares blankly back.

You watch them from where you sit. Mostly you just watch Tae. When Namjoon's body doesn’t block your view. He stitches the gash on your forehead, hands pulling the sutures closed in a gentle and practiced way. The pass of the needle through your skin a distant sensation.

The wounds on your hands are in that awkward place of not being deep enough for stitches but still a little too deep to not need something. After a brief debate, Namjoon sealed them with a bit of non-surgical glue that stung terribly and then regular gauze over the top.

Your hands are swelling and clotting. Scabbing although trying to touch anything is too painful. Closing your fingers at all hurts. Namjoon holds you so lightly it hardly feels like he's holding you at all.

Namjoon apologizes after every wince.

The second he’s done he tosses his suture kit into the bathroom sink with a clang the second he’s done. Namjoon gets on his knees before you. The plastic that covers the whole bathroom crackling as he does.

Jimin had the great idea to cover the bathroom with sheets of plastic to cut down on the cleanup. Hoseok's bloody footprints join Tae's trailing from the doorway to the shower. Join the trail that you left. Parts of you are still dripping.

"It's going to scar," Namjoon says, a little sadly. Thumb skimming over the mark on your forehead.

You swallow hard. You still taste blood. You want to brush your teeth; you want to shut the lights off and go to sleep. You want Noodle and you want Yoongi you want everything from the past few hours- the past few years to be gone and over with. You want-

You want to snap at him and tell him that it doesn't matter that it will scar. That you're covered with scars already and you don't care but-

Namjoon kisses your forehead. A lingering brush. The one spot that's not bloody.

You look over at Tae and her eyes flicker blankly to you. Jungkook keeps bringing the boar bristle brush up and down her back in soothing little circles.

When you turn back to Namjoon he's pursing his lips and blinking away tears as he looks down at your hands. You resist the urge to say you’re sorry. You’re not sure what for. The terrible feral hunger in you gone as quick as it's come.

Namjoon’s fingers wrap around the hollow of your knees, and you meet his eyes, even though you don’t want to. It feels too much like a confession already.

“I’m going to say this now, before you get any ideas; This is not your fault and I am not mad at you and Tae for doing what you did-”

“Namjoon-”

He continues on, words rushing out. “I’m proud of you pup, so proud. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here. I promise I won’t disappoint you again as pack alpha-” You cover his mouth with your hand, gauze and all.

The bit of gauze over your palm is already turning bloody. It's hard to tell if it's your blood or if it's his. You’re the last one to shower. The last one to get clean. Namjoon shouldn’t be touching you at all.

And yet he does, yet he cradles your face, brushes the tears from your cheeks, gets blood on his hands. Evidence is evidence, but love has a steeper sort of price if you don't express it when you can.

When you take your hand away, Namjoon doesn’t try to speak again. someone says something that you don't hear, that you can't hear.

Namjoon stands and when you look up, Jungkook has the shower door open for you.

Because the bandages and the glue on your hands can’t get wet Namjoon binds your hands with Ziplock bags and duct tape. The plastic rustles, and you follow Hobi's bloody footprints into Jungkook’s arms. Namjoon closes the door behind you.

Every bit of plastic is going to get melted down later, until all the blood and terror evaporates through something as simple and trivial as fire. Fire will cleanse it of all evidence, as sure as the burning water you step under.

You're not quite sure what you're going to do about the bullet holes in the walls or the blown-apart door to the upstairs bedroom, but Yoongi’s always had a handle on the home improvement stuff.

Jungkook helps you disrobe off your bloodied clothing. Lifting your shirt over your head and stooping, telling you to hold onto his shoulders so that he can take off your sweatpants. You're pretty sure they're Yoongi's but there's no time to get sentimental as he puts them inside a garbage bag along with Tae's and Hobi's clothes.

Everything on your person is evidence. When you look back Namjoon's gone, summoned by Jin's distant call from downstairs. It's just Jimin outside of the shower. watching you, but mostly watching Tae.

You’d be more self-conscious of your nude body if your brain wasn’t still racing. It’s hard to do much with the bags on your hands. But Jungkook squirts out a healthy dollop of your favorite shampoo and gets to work once the conditioner is in Tae’s hair. She sits like a discarded ball-jointed doll on the built-in bench. Her long hair hair stuck like a sheet over her eyes.

Nothing is as important as making sure you’re not found out. And the frothy shampoo turns rusty around Jungkook's fingers. You have to have a lot of blood on your face. All the water that rolls off of you goes pink.

Jungkook is gentle even by your hairline scratching against your scalp with his fingers. The skin there is tender. Namjoon taped a bit of gauze over the sutures too. You don't remember when he did that.

You make a noise. “Too rough?” his voice has something unreadable in it, something soft and concerned.

You don't respond because Yoongi makes his reappearance at the doorway. The black shirt he wears is dusty at the front from the concrete. His eyes single focused on you the second he enters the room. You stare at him the way that Tae stares at Jimin. Jungkook just huffs and pulls you a little more snugly against his chest.

Tae stands in the corner of the shower, still staring at Minnie. Minnie who stares back, practically not blinking. Both of their anguish are hidden behind glass. Like fish in tanks that could never get out. Not really.

Part of Tae gets washed away down the drain. Swirling and gurgling down and down with no one to notice.

Tae stares off blankly into space. Sometimes Jimin talks to her and sometimes he hums through the glass, he'd be in there too if his bandages couldn't get wet either. If Namjoon hadn’t yanked him back from the doorway and told him that he couldn't.

Jungkook takes the boar bristle brush to your body too. Everything has to be scrubbed multiple times until your skin feels nearly raw from it. Tae’s fingernails, her arms, your neck, the side of your face, the hollow at the inside of your arms. Your knees. Everywhere.

He apologizes when he goes over bruises, wincing, clutching you a little tighter, a little closer to make up for the pain. But Jungkook is meticulous as he cleans of evidence until you feel groomed clean. Until there’s no more blood swirling down the drain just clear water, and the light outside has turned pearly and blue in the twilight.

Tae's still silent. She's been quiet beyond the occasional heartbreaking whimper since you both killed that man. Eventually, You push at Jungkook's hands with a pointed look in her direction where she's slumped and he goes with a soft nod. Two omega's taking care of their alphas.

Jungkook’s delicate with Tae’s head, gentle in the way he cradles the bruising, half hidden by her hair. Washing out the conditioner with a quiet hum. Namjoon had diagnosed her with a concussion pretty quickly, it's not a crack in her skull plate but she's not going to go putting her hair up in a bun any time soon.

Jungkook alternates from you to Tae. One moment you're standing, the next Jungkook is taking you up gently from the floor and Yoongi is at the glass, hand on the door- looking at you anxiously. Letting out a volley of cursing. You can't remember the last time you heard him use language like that.

"Hyung she's fine- she's just slippery, I've got her."

Their voices are so soft and grave and so quiet. Or is it just that you can’t hear it? Why are their voices so far away and muffled? Sometimes Yoongi is here and sometimes he isn't. Sometimes Jungkook is holding you, talking to Namjoon about something, and other times he and Yoongi are talking. Keeping their voices low. Your ears ring. It's so loud it deafening.

“Do you need me to take over?” Yoongi asks Jungkook. Jungkook has blood on his feet, from you or Tae you’re not sure, it soaks the hair there. Jungkook’s got hairy fucking feet for an omega- you’re not sure why you’re concentrating on it. Why you’re noticing all these things now. Cataloging little things about them like you might never get the chance to notice them again.

Your heart beats quick, fear still consuming you even though the danger has passed. You look down at the tiled floor and the room spins.

You don’t feel a thing when you close your eyes. You don’t feel anything when you think of the man that you just killed. You don’t feel anything but roaring, like the crashing of the ocean or the sound when you lift your ear to a shell. The hearing in your left ear where the gun went off feels…off, muffled. You put your hand up to toy with it and freeze when you realize it isn't right.

"Guys" You paw at your ear. But they don't seem to hear you.

"No, I've got them.”

“We need to clean up the downstairs. Kookie, where do you keep the oxyclean?”

"Guys"

They still don't hear you. Maybe you're not making a sound at all just mouthing the words. Your movement gets Tae's attention and her eyes focus for the first time in hours. Slumped on the bench, her hand grips the tiled edge hard as she tries to stand but can't. Jungkook hands Yoongi something through the steam, the black trash bag full of bloody clothes.

The notice Tae trying to get to you first. she hits the floor with a small thud and tugs her way over to you. You make a noise in your throat- a distressed chirp that makes the alphas flinch. Tae cups your cheek as you dig your finger in, slippery from the plastic- and pull something small and fleshy out of your ear.

It's soft and squishy. A curved piece of pink and white brain matter. A little bloody but bleached from the water.

You try to stand to your feet but teeter, shaking, staring down at the chunk of person that you just got out of you, that was just in you.

For a second, no one says anything, but then-

“That’s so fucking gnarly.” Your head jerks up in Jungkook’s direction.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Tae actually does look a little green, but it's good to hear her voice at the very least. She hauls herself over to the drain and starts to dry heave.

"Oh tae don't-" the sound of vomit hitting the floor joins the sound of the shower. You don't look at her. just at the lump of person in your hand.

"Someone please take it from me," Jimin is already there opening the glass door and holding out a cloth for you to place it in.

Yoongi presses his hands to the glass as he watches you struggle to grab the brush that Jungkook was using on you from the floor after finally getting your feet under you. Jungkook is torn, his hand on Tae's shoulder as she wretches turning from her to you like he doesn't know what to do or who to help first.

You don't care about the state of your hands you just need to get clean. You Ignore the twinge of pain in your hands as you try and get the bottle of body wash open. Ripping off the plastic bags that cover your hands when you can't unclick the cap immediately. frustrated and panicking. You ignore Jimin calling your name. The gauze falls to the floor with a wet thwack and you take the boar bristle brush to your hands. Cuts and all.

Big hands stop you. Hands that dwarf yours. Hands that you'd know blind.

Yoongi's standing under the spray fully clothed, the water pinning down his hair and quickly soaking him. His hands tangling with yours, taking the brush from you. Wordless as he grabs your wrists and jerks you forward hard.

He holds on until you stop shaking. resting against his chest. guiding your face to his scent gland. "Take a deep breath for me now sweetheart- there you go- just like that."

Jungkook doesn't say anything and neither does Jimin, not as Yoongi starts to wash you again. Jungkook just stoops to lift Tae and place her back on the bench. She goes easy, limp, and doll-like. But she's almost done- she's almost clean. Tae pushes at Jungkook’s shoulders.

"I’m fine. I need to wait for the nausea to pass before I try getting out of here.”

With you, it's going to take a little longer.

Jungkook has already shampooed your hair, but he does it again. The telltale signs of rusty red in the peach-scented shampoo. Bubbling orange-pink. Yoongi does it slower, gentler- it feels more normal. Like the slow loving you're used to.

“Do you ever feel like-” your voice is a little crackly from all the screaming you did earlier. You hate how the terror makes you not remember all the details. Did you make any sound while you killed him? Did you say anything through the rage?

The others are looking at you but you have eyes for just Jimin. his hand tightens to fists, knuckles pressed against the glass. eyes darkening ever so slightly. “Do you ever not feel guilty? About killing people Minnie?”

You are nude, as bare as you’ve ever been before him, it's hard to be self-conscious about it. Maybe this would be a little sexier- showering with Tae and Jungkook and Yoongi with an audience if you weren't literally trying to cover up a very violent murder.

You remember the words Jimin had said to you weeks ago now. “Would you kill for me?” “I’d do worse” you wonder if this qualifies as worse. You can’t imagine what would be much worse than this.

Jungkook's hands are rough as they massage a bit of soap down your back but instead of being comforting, it feels like you’re going to vibrate out of your skin.

Jimin hums. Eyeing Tae still sprawled on the built-in bench. Jimin gathers his thoughts before he speaks. “In my contract, at the beginning-” He starts but cuts off as you start to slip. Jungkook's hands find you, helping Yoongi hold you up more properly. Your mate doesn't let Jungkook take you entirely just moves a bit to the side to give him space. Any other day you'd love to be in the middle of a yoonkook sandwich but-

“Your contract?” he nods, blond hair bobbing. Yoongi meticulously removes the dried blood from under your fingernails, careful to hold your glue sutures out of the direct spray.

“I specified that I’d only ever kill bad people. of course I got a little lazier after I got used to it." He shoots an anxious glance in Tae's direction, but she's still just sitting. "But at the beginning, I’d go back and look through their files to try to find out what they’d done to warrant a hit getting taken out on them. I couldn’t always find a reason but most of the time I did."

You can see it in his face, that Jimin doesn't want to say that they deserved it. Because if they deserved a violent ending then you could say the same about the 8 of you. Jungkook's hands get a little close to the nape of your neck and you turn to him and snap.

"Don't scruff me."

"Sorry." You need it. Is what he doesn't say.

“Most of the time it was worth it?” You cling to his words. With Geumjae you’d never had to guess if he deserved it or not but this-

Jimin’s eyebrows are brought into a hard line, “Karma is a fickle thing. Sometimes it never comes but-” his eyes are downcast, "Sometimes it's a good thing, being the karma."

You sit quietly, digesting his words. Your lower lip trembles, and you don’t know if you feel terrible or better when the tears just won’t come. Yoongi delicately cradles your body, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and pulling you back against his chest.

“Yoongi.”

“Let me hold you for a minute.” You do, body sagging under the weight of your exhaustion.

Tae teeters in Jungkook’s hold, but she pushes against his hands weakly when he tries to make her stand again. Her voice sounds warbly and fragile when she shakes her head. “I’m still dizzy.”

He tries to guide her gently back to the bench, but she doesn't make it that far. Pushing away his hands when she descends to the marble floor. Closer to the wall, Closer to Minnie who mirrors her, falling to the floor too. Getting as closer to her as he can without being in the shower.

Jimin lets out a sad and bitter-sounding laugh and Tae smiles in reply while Jungkook and Yoongi share an anxious glance over your head.

He's still grinning, words twisting, eyes shining with sorrow and fondness. “You couldn’t wait 24 hours until you had to make it even, didn’t you?”

Tae closes her eyes as her smile twists and she starts to cry “Where you go, I go. We’re the same now Minnie.” Jimin doesn't mean to ask what she means. He knows.

If you're a killer I'm a killer. If you're damned, I'm damned. Even though neither of them believes in God or heaven or damnation. Not really. Not anymore. It's very half-hearted.

(I don't know if it's worth wondering if the people you love are bad people, I think when worse comes to worse, you just put the heaviness down and keep on loving them anyway).

Jimin’s eyes are soft on her, the way that they only ever are with Tae. He places his hand on the glass fogging around his fingertips. She doesn’t match his hands, just leans her cheek against it. Love is only a thin layer of glass away.

You know it hurts her a little bit, must make the dysphoria a little harder to breathe through, to let Jimin and Jungkook see her like this; just the long hair and nothing delicate to cloth her soul in. A soul that now you’ve irreparably tarnished.

A soul that is damaged beyond repair now thanks to you.

It is your fault. All of this is because of you. all of this pain and anguish and damage is because of the choices you've made. the stupid idiotic childish choices. If you'd never needed it- if you'd just been strong enough- Tae could have been whole. Tae could have been unharmed. Hobi and Jin too- if you’d just-

Back at the hospital, Tae had so many questions about Jimin’s job, so many questions about when and where, and why. But she finds her head empty of them in the aftermath. She has no desire to learn anything else about Jimin’s job. Not now that she knows what killing feels like.

Tae is never going to be able to look at red nail polish the same way again.

Jungkook reaches over and turns off the water.

~-~

Eventually, you finish washing. Wrapped up in fluffy white towels that will have to be burned too. The house smells like bleach and gunpowder. It covers everything.

Even the noodle is looking a little more grubby than usual when he zips by, meowing for someone to give him attention. You hear the saw going and you know that Yoongi is cutting the bullet holes out of the walls while the others clean up the blood.

Your skin feels pink and sensitive were the towel brushes as you go looking for pajamas, you'll get some for the others too. Later, Jin will fuss and ask to put some cream on you. Will massage it in something of an apology and pretend that Yoongi isn't going over the whole house with a blacklight to spot any errant blood splatters.

Later Yoongi will take a wood scraper to the floorboards where the man died, will rip them up, and burn them in the house's ancient fireplace just to be sure that no one finds any evidence.

You'll all pretend that Tae doesn't shake through a panic attack when you have an informal dinner in the nest. jin's rule of "no food in the nest" broken for this. You'll all pretend that Hoseok won't choke choking on all but the smallest sips of water. You'll all pretend. You're good pretenders, good liars too.

Later, Jin will put cream on your skin and dot it all with kisses, the swelling in his hands won't take too long to go down. You'll get the love and You won’t deserve a single second of it.

You don't know how you fooled yourself into thinking you ever deserved it. The last 8 months have been stolen. Not earned.

The one-year anniversary of Geumjae's death comes and passes as you go to the top of the stairs in your towel, Ears straining to hear what's going on downstairs.

There is a lot of talking going on downstairs, between Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jin. About what to do, and how to handle this. Hushed voices kept mostly out of earshot. And other more dangerous questions get asked, with equally as dangerous answers.

One of Jimin's guns sits on the kitchen counter through all of it. No one moves to put it away. They're not sure when they're next going to need it and they'd rather not get caught off guard again.

“I could talk to some people- call them. Some people owe me favors, There has to be some section of the family that doesn’t want her too-“

"Absolutely Not, I am not having you get into some weird ass mafia debt"

"Yeah, jailcell orange is so not your color hyung"

“We stay quiet. For the next 48 hours- it’s likely no one will know what happened. They’re too hurt- we need some time to regroup and think.”

Hobi’s voice is absent from the fray. You hear something quite like he's trying to speak, and someone shushing him softly. Namjoon says that his swelling won’t go down enough to talk until tomorrow. You hear the sound of someone opening the refrigerator to get ice.

The door to the bedroom has been blown apart, and a flurry of bullet holes chewed through the top corner. It sits off its hinges and in two pieces.

You remember watching Yoongi paint the door, sitting at the bottom of the stairs while he worked at the top of it and painted it to match the wallpaper in the staircase, a dark cobalt blue. You remember all of it, every little thing you watched him do to make this house into something worthwhile. To make it into a home and now it's riddled with bullet holes and stained with blood.

It's funny, you hardly remember every little thing he did for you, to make you worthwhile.

You have always been a reminder that you don't make houses out of abandoned buildings, and mates out of monsters that bite.

The water has turned the cuts on your hands white and gummy when you look down at them in the closet room. They’re already oozing, not bleeding, it will be at least a day or two until you can touch anything without discomfort. Namjoon will scold you ever so gently later and re-do your bandages.

The pink curtains are drawn already to keep out any wandering eyes from the outside. This is a dressing room after all. The whole room feels like a blush-toned jewel box and you, the one piece of cheap costume jewelry at the center.

You get up and shut the door before you sit on a small poof- something silky and tufted that Jimin had gotten Tae right after she'd come out.

You sit in your towel and look down at your wounds. Thinking about Tae's concussion. Jin's wrists. Hobi's throat. Both of their blank looks and the violence of death and trying to live. You think it all through, every possible ending to this before you pick up your phone and dial Her number.

Moonbyul picks up on the first ring. It’s like she’s been waiting for your call.

“Did you like your courting present pup?”

Your throat is dry and you don’t know exactly what to say, even less how to say it. She hums at your silence, an alpha's imitation of a purr. Waiting until your quietness builds to a frantic pulse.

In the pack, you've always been the one with the best survival instincts. Geumjae made you this way. Although the pack has spent the last few months trying to heal you; deep down you know you've never been anything more than a scared animal. Fight or Flight. Freeze or fawn.

Bullet to bullet. Tooth to tooth. Heartbeat to heartbeat. This time is different. This time you have something worth protecting.

You stand, no longer able to sit. There is a noise at the door, and you wait with bated breath for someone to come in. They don't come. But you stand and move farther inside. Hoping that the distance will disguise the sound of your whispered conversation.

She continues when it becomes clear you're struggling to speak. “I’ve got another one on the way. Hyejin’s here, wanna say hello? You’re on speaker.”

“Pup,” she giggles, and you feel like you might vomit. It’s a struggle really, not to end the call right there, not to let the fear overtake you. “We haven’t heard back from Spider yet, and I have a feeling someone’s been a little naughty.”

You lift the curtain to look outside, the train chugs past and the cars flit by like the fast small birds searching for seed in the snow. The whole world is grey and flat. The sky is orange from the lights of the city reflecting the clouds. The trees bare of all but a few crumbly leaves. It’s strange how all at once, the train is all you can look at. All you can think about.

You think about hoseok, the night at the train tracks where he stopped you from leaving. When he asked you to stay.

“Tell me what I need to do. Tell me what I need to do to get you to stop this, please.” Your voice sounds off, even for you. Too flat, strange even to your ears.

“I’m afraid we’re too far along for that.”

"Please, please Moonbyul-" You turn, pacing back towards the door. Past Tae’s clothes, past yours, past Jungkook’s, past the alcove where Hobi hangs his sweatshirts for you. You pause there. Looking at them.

“You said- you said when it was over you’d give me anything I wanted. Well I want them alive. Even if-"

Your voice is so shaky, you're careful to make sure you're not overheard. The pack is in the other room, just downstairs. You can hear the distant hum of their sweet voices; the people you love always sound like a melody. Your absence hasn’t been noticed yet.

"Even if I’m not here.”

For once they’re silent on the other end of the line. It’s a full silence, filled with one part lust and one part hunger. Both of them are like Noodle playing with a mouse. Waiting for the right time to drive their teeth in and end this game.

But even mice have teeth. Your hand is holding your phone so hard that the plastic makes your bones ache and your cuts bleed fresh.

“If you don’t let them live, I'll never stop fighting. But if you want me to be willing- If you want me to be your pup the way I think you do."

You can’t even close your hand into a fist with how wrecked your hands are. They hurt with every clumsy movement. you hold the phone. Your every heartbeat lurching with the horror of what you're doing.

I can’t lose them; I can’t be the reason why they die. They'll keep sending people until we're all dead unless I do something.

“All of them, all of them need to be safe, Jimin- you need to let him go of his contract and let him go back to living a normal life and you need to not punish Jin for working for the FBI.” Your words rush over themselves. "Leave my pack alone and I’ll be obedient. I'll be yours. I’ll never try and go back to them again. I won’t ever try and leave. I promise.”

Moonbyul and Hyejin are silent on the other end of the phone. You wait for a few moments. They must be looking at each other, deliberating.

Everything in this room aches. The closet bedroom that Yoongi made he made for you. The wainscotting just so. Everything in this house was crafted with an equal amount of love.

It was never meant to be yours forever, you’ve been keenly aware of this fact since the moment you met Yoongi. Since the moment you met his eyes across the dining room table and the moment his teeth met your skin. Borrowed things don't belong, they never do. Good things do not last. You only get them for as long as you get them and not a moment longer.

You're looking at Hobi's sweatshirts, in the alcove where he stacks them for you to take when Moonbyul and Hyejin respond.

“We'll agree to those terms, but remember their safety depends on your performance."

"You have 24 hours to get to us pup. Make them count.”

The dial tone drones like a funeral drum.

~-~

(Hoseok, a few years prior)

The backroom at the record shop is cramped with all sorts of things from a bygone era;

A mini fridge with a decrepit desktop computer and logbook balanced atop it. Pictures and bulletins glued to the wall from the 1960's. A greasy coffee machine piled high with bags of expired tea. A cramped spot for employees to hang their coats and a yellowing old table with a pair of chairs; both occupied by people also out of place. a beta that has a thing for 1980's rap and an alpha with a broken heart who admittedly loves 2010's pop.

A poster of some glittery showgirl omega from the 20s bats her eyelashes down at Hoseok as he has a mental breakdown. Offering neither comfort nor absolution nor love.

Maybe if he'd been born an omega like that, it would have been easier. Maybe they'd have wanted him then.

Yoongi's hands rub down Hoseok's shoulder, his back, places only lovers have touched. Up and down. An endless circle. An ouroboros of affection nibbling Hoseok's fickle heart. Hoseok aches harder with every passing moment.

Yoongi looks at the clock as Hoseok continues to sob. The shop should be open right now but Yoongi won't let it. It can go out of business for all he cares. As long as no one makes Hoseok get up from this chair before he's ready.

Beta instincts are fickle things, but Yoongi has always had a third sense. Something in him always knows if people are trustworthy and if they need him. Something in their scents or faces or eyes- like small planets reflecting the cosmos back to them. Do planets bear life only when someone is willing to look for them? Do people only deserve help when they're willing to ask for it? or is it like this?

Eventually, Hoseok gets his breath back in his chest and his sobs quiet down. His eyes open bloodshot. All sadness has an expiration date (thankfully). Yoongi's hand slides down his arm and gives his hand a firm squeeze (and stays there).

It's the first time someone's touched Hoseok without wanting something in God knows how long but he's too sad to properly appreciate it or savor it. (Yoongi doesn't want anything from him that Hoseok wouldn't willingly give. Doesn't want anything but his smile. fuck- he's just a co-worker, isn't he?). Who knows when the next touch like this might come? (Yoongi is going to hold his hand tomorrow because Yoongi likes holding people's hands, Jin will give him the tacit permission to do that at least. But all of the pack are keenly aware that Hoseok needs time to heal, no matter how obvious Yoongi's crush and Hoseok's needs).

(Hoseok is definitely not just Yoongi's coe-worker at this point, but saviors come from all sorts of unlikely places)

Eventually Hoseok's sobs quiet and Yoongi sighs, pulling back. He takes one look at hoseok's red nose and pale cheeks and puffs up. "I'm making your hot chocolate and you're going to tell me what's happened."

He gets up like he needs something to do. Like he's tired of taking care of Hoseok. He doesn't take it personally, he's tired of it too.

“My mates they- they kicked me out of our den,” Hoseok confesses. Yoongi's got two mugs in his hands, they thud against the counter when he reaches into one of the cabinets.

It’s warm in here but Hoseok is still thankful for the sweatshirt the beta gave him. Not only for its warmth but for the layer of scent it provides; It’s soaked with the smell of chocolate. So comforting and heavenly that it makes Hoseok a little dizzy when he tucks his nose into it and takes a hefty sniff when Yoongi's got his back turned.

Hoseok was never given the other pack's items, never allowed or encouraged to indulge in their scents. They never asked for his either.

Yoongi hangs both their jackets above the radiator in the back so that they’ll dry faster. He bears an impressive bite mark on his arm, visible because of his short-sleeved shirt. It's bruised just ever so slightly- an alpha bite but not a mating bite because betas don't mate. A mark like that on him is as good a claim as any. Even with the other scents that cling to the sweatshirt.

Hoseok hasn’t known him long, but they’re friends even if they’ve never met up outside of work. You can't not be friends with someone you spend upwards of 30 hours a week with.

Yoongi just hums. "Have you been with them long?"

Hoseok appreciates that Yoongi doesn't use the past tense, his heart too tender around the idea of endings. Some part of him is unconvinced that it really is over. A stubborn heart for a stubborn alpha.

His hair is starting to dry when he nods. "It's been a few years." Hoseok bites his lip, "I could lie and say I didn't see signs but-" his hands end up in his hair, elbows leaning against the creaking yellow table. Tugging a little. "I'm so fucking stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid," Yoongi says, hand on the back of his head. warm rough fingers. Touching him ever so briefly as he passes to put the milk back in the mini-fridge. "It's not stupid to want to find more love where you got it."

But in truth, There's not much more than Yoongi can say. Not much more that he knows to say. He'd never met Hoseok's pack. Whereas Namjoon and Jimin and the pups have a general tendency to linger around Yoongi person at all hours and locations. Stopping by to drop off coffee or just to make funny faces at him through the window when they're on their way to work. Yoongi has never met his co-worker's pack and has never seen much evidence at all on him beyond some vague hints of scents.

That alone is enough of a hint; usually, when people have packmates they're soaked in their scents. Visceral claims to keep any wandering eyes wandering still. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't wondered why Hoseok didn't wear his packmate's scents.

It’s not like the alpha smells bad at all- a little strong sure, but less genetically dominant alphas tend to smell a little sweeter like omegas.

At least that’s what Namjoon says when he feels like info dumping. Late at night when the pack asleep around them and only Yoongi's stayed up to listen. Because Yoongi likes the sound of Namjoon's voice when he gets into the details. Stroking across Namjoon’s bare chest just to feel the alpha's words rumble against his fingertips. His heartbeat against his ear the backtrack for all of it.

Whoever Yoongi’s pack is; they surely love him a lot. That much has been evident since the second that Hoseok met him. Evident in the packed bento boxes and the bunny-eyed omega that walks with him to work sometimes. Or in the tall omega and alpha pair that Hoseok has seen perusing the shelves when he comes in to relieve Yoongi of his shift.

Hoseok has worked here for 6 months. It’s impossible not to collect these details. The hickeys on his throat that he wears after weekends, how ruffled but generally loved Yoongi looks when he comes back from rut and heat leave.

“Is there a reason why they left?” Yoongi tries to be as undiscerning as possible. Voice gentle and measured. Stirring the hot cocoa and putting it in front of Hoseok.

Hoseok takes a sip and it feels like he's drinking a cup of the beta in front of him. Yoongi melts a little into the chair at the happy noise Hoseok makes.

It's good. Really good actually, Yoongi uses twice as much Swiss mix as the package instructs and a tablespoon of honey to boot. More chocolate can never be a bad thing.

Before Hoseok has a chance to respond, The phone next to the cabinet rings. And Yoongi takes it off the stand and hangs it up again in quick secession so that it doesn’t ring anymore. It has to be important but he ignores it for Hoseok's sake. Yoongi does a lot of ordering for the shop, the rare records that their boss is always trying to source and sell. It's a lot of chasing down leads and curators.

(This is not true. This is a lie that Yoongi and his boss have fed him. This phone is set up for the family's use. Hoseok doesn’t know that most of the calls Yoongi answers are more delicate than just simple stock orders.)

“I just found out that my brother has stolen from me, what should his punishment be beta?”

“How much did he steal?”

“300k”

Yoongi swallows, fighting his narrow margin of benevolence. The drops of mercy that he's allowed to show without suspicion. He tells himself that the other beta would order a far worse. People only call him when they want lighter punishment.

“A finger for every 100 then.”

The people who call ask him all manner of things. Things like “I think my child might be planning on going to the police, what should I do before anyone finds out about it?” He is both a secret keeper and a jury.

“Send them away. Out of sight and out of mind of anything that they might be able to share. I hear the military academies are lovely this year. So much snow. Yes, they take omega recruits.”

“My firstborn child presented as an omega instead of an alpha. They're my firstborn and heir, how should I proceed?”

“I can ask around for an advantageous match but I’m sorry, there is no fixing presentation.”

Hoseok hasn’t seen a phone like that in years. Didn’t even know they made old-fashioned ones like that anymore. Ones with a dial, the blue plastic worn from the number of times Yoongi's had to pick it up. It doesn't stay silent for long, ringing soon after yoongi's hung it up.

“I'm the only- they’re an all-omega group.” As if by the mention of his sub gender Hoseok’s angry burning sugar scent fills the room. In reply, Yoongi’s sweetness rises. Hoseok takes another sip and pretends it's just the hot chocolate warming his cheeks. “I guess they wanted to keep it that way.”

"I've got two omegas and they keep me on my toes, I can't imagine four." That gets a laugh out of Hoseok.

"You've got a bunch of alphas in yours though, right?" A bunch already, I wouldn't be needed. Hoseok has seen them, the tall one with dimples that looks like something out of a soap opera. The scary-looking one with the chubby cheeks who's always holding hands with the pretty academic one who likes the jazz in the corner.

Yoongi nods, "That must be nice," Hoseok's eyelashes are all clumped together from the tears. "Having so many people to take care of you."

Yoongi hums, knuckles brushing Hoseok’s hand on the table. It’s just one tender touch but Hoseok starts to break. To crumple.

Yoongi senses Hoseok breaking, pulling him in close before he has a chance to really fracture (he comes just in time, Yoongi loves Hoseok just in time). Yoongi’s scent alone is enough to soothe him- beyond the way he guides the alpha to rest against his throat. Hoseok fights it only a little, what's a little scenting among friends?

They're not just friends, it's not just scenting.

Hoseok wants to bury his nose in the beta’s throat, but that wouldn’t be appropriate, not with the scent of so many others clinging to him. He still sags into the hug. Turns his face away to avoid the temptation.

“They didn’t even tell me- and now the lease on the apartment is up and I can’t afford it on my own and-“ I’m so scared and I just wish there was someone to take care of me. I wish I was a pup again.

They sit like that at the table and Yoongi just lets him cry, He pulls back after his sobbing has cooled. They hug until they both smell like gooey chocolate chip cookies with too much brown sugar.

Hoseok sniffles, “We have to open up the shop,” Yoongi's arms tighten around Hoseok's shoulders in reply.

“It can wait a few more seconds.” Hoseok wants to say that the owner wouldn’t like that but he doesn’t.

Yoongi sips and hesitates. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?” Hoseok pauses for a second, flushing before he shakes his head. “Okay, it's okay. You can say with me.”

“Are- are you sure they won't mind?” But Yoongi is already typing away on his phone, shooting a quick text to the pack group chat (a chat that Hoseok will be added to in exactly 23 days, but who's counting?)

“Not at all. It’s a bit cramped with all of us but we have a spare bed in the closet room that Tae likes to read on sometimes- Jungkook's boss slept there last night after they came back from drinking and Namjoon was so mad- he won't be mad about you though- it's just that Jungkook- he just really shouldn't be drinking."

"Is he underaged?"

"No, he's just got health issues."

"Oh." Yet another person who gets the love he needs, the care he needs. Hoseok tries and fails miserably not to be jealous over Yoongi's omega whom he's never met.

He won't be jealous for long. Later Jungkook is going to challenge him to an arm wrestle just to prove he doesn't need babying. Beating alphas in feats of strength is his favorite thing. He'll feel Hoseok’s hand in his and get completely distracted. "Wow, you've got like- really pretty hands!" and drag them close to his to compare sizes. He'll be smitten nearly instantly with Jungkook- for what it's worth. The jealousy only lasts for a few hours.

Within a few seconds his phone is ringing off the hook, he shows Hoseok the chorus of, “Yes it’s okay!” and “Poor thing, tell him he can stay as long as he wants.” "Of course hyung!" "Does Hoseok like kimchi-jjigae or should we just order pizza?" “Oh! Can we get some with pineapple?” “Gross Jk.” "Yeah we all know Minnie doesn't like the aftertaste of burnt fruit."

And Hoseok can't help but feel like he doesn’t deserve this kindness and such an effortless acceptance. There is a knock at the front door before he can say anything. A few short taps against the glass. Yoongi tells Hoseok to stay put while he goes to deal with a pushy customer who wants in. Leaving him alone in the backroom with his cooling hot coco and the poster still staring down at him.

(They say two can keep a secret if one of them is dead, but that's not the only way a secret stays buried; the best secrets are the ones you’re not even aware of.

Out of all the people in your pack. Hoseok is the only one in possession of a secret like this. The best kinds of secrets are the ones you don't even know are secrets see- he doesn't even know that this memory is enough to save you. Hoseok is entirely unaware that in his mind lies this memory.

Hoseok was the first person to get on the no-kill list, and it wasn’t because of Yoongi.

All packmates of a Don get put on the list;

no matter if they're active or past.)

Sitting at that yellowing wood table; Hoseok feels more settled now that he knows he has a place to sleep tonight that isn’t this backroom. Pulling the sleeve of Yoongi’s sweatshirt over his palms and sniffing at the collar where it was pushed up against Yoongi’s scent gland.

If he thinks hard, he can pick out a few scents here and there soaking the fabric. (Milky Omega Jin, Honey Sweet Puppy Jungkookie, Cinnamon sweet Alpha Tae and vanil-lalalala Jimin, Coffee Alpha Namjoon and Chocolate Yoongi).

It's so different from his ex-pack's scents. Their sugary sweet omega peppermint and sharp lemony evergreen, winter berry and pine, the cold smart of snow against his nose. His burning caramel scent- so off-putting. The one scent not Christmas-themed. The one that didn’t fit.

By comparison- Yoongi's pack smells like a bakery in summer. Every scent that could be added to a cake maybe (one day, in the kitchen, he’ll eat your tiramisu and realize yes- that’s exactly what it’s missing. Your cakey scent makes them all complete, the warmth of baking things).

He has somewhere to go now. Somewhere to be. Someone to trust. He trusts Yoongi- even if they’ve only known each other for a handful of short months.

And Yoongi’s pack can’t be worse than his last one.

As if in reply to Yoongi’s phone (buzzing with more texts that he doesn't check because Hoseok is nothing if not respectful of people's digital privacy. If he checked he would see "Is that the hot coworker you're always talking about? The one who always looks a little sad?")

Hoseok’s phone buzzes with the notification he's been waiting for.

Pack Omega 🌙 calling.

Pick up? Decline?

Hoseok hasn't yet gotten around to changing her contact information. He scrambles at it, spilling the hot cocoa across the table as he rushes to pick it up. Scrambling to get to it before it goes to voice mail. Blood pounding in his ears.

Hoseok’s voice is broken as he says his pack omega’s name, his old pack omega’s name.

“Byulyi- Moonbyul please-”

Moonbyul is cold on the other side of the phone. Maybe she’d have liked him more, and wouldn’t have given up on him if he didn't beg. But Hoseok has never been above begging. Not for love. Not for the thing he wants and needs the most. Hoseok needs love more than air and as Yoongi said- it's easiest to go looking for love where you once got it.

Even when you know it could hurt you.

Her voice is flat and unaffected. “I just wanted to make sure you found a place to stay tonight. Are you still going to be around to give the landlord the keys?”

Hoseok finds himself nodding even though he knows she can’t see him. “Yes- I can do that, I can do anything you want. Can we talk?”

“No.”

“Moonbyul please-”

“Goodbye Hoseok.” She says, hanging up after a second. Hoseok looks at the phone. Pushing the button to redial. It doesn't go. She’s already blocked him.

It will be a long time until Hoseok hears from his last pack again, a long long time until he says their names again. He will remember the way he’d begged, the way her name had sounded smack dab in the middle of it. And hate hate Hate how it makes him feel. He won't ever say their names, regret and self-disgust getting in the way.

It's a little funny, thinking of how different things might have gotten if he'd just told yoongi their names. If he hadn't let his alpha pride get in the way. A few days from now they'll talk about it together. "I don't like the way saying their names makes me feel- it feels- I hate how much I want to say it- to see them again- saying their names just reminds me of the power they had over me."

Never again, will Jung Hoseok beg for someone to give him the bare minimum. This is his lowest point. The moment where it shifts- for good.

His head is in his hands when Yoongi comes back into the room. Still sniffling, crying yet again. Yoongi sets a palm in his hair, ruffling it. Eyeing the spilled hot cocoa with a raised eyebrow.

“If you wanted coffee you could have just said so-“ he makes an attempt at levity and is rewarded with Hoseok’s small snort. Wiping his wet cheeks. Neither of them is aware of the secret. Neither of them is aware and so much worse off for it."

Hoseok grins, “Are you buying hyung?”

~-~

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~-~

Notes:

in the story there has always been this question- mainly raised by jimin during his secret chapters- if the m/c is actually in love with them or if she's just manipulating them- at the beginning of this chapter- we actually see jimin finally dispel the last bit of him that thinks even a little bit that this is the case. once he sees how much she put her body on the line- that question isn't even in the back of his mind- even a little. i ended up re-editing this part alot because of it.

every time i write something from jimin's pov i'm always like "why is everything so meandering? why are things disjointed?" and then i remember that's literally jimin's character- that he is in a lot of ways an unreliable narrator.

(TW) i have this idea in my head that namjoon DOES NOT become a good person in the event that all of them die like- a whole separate idea of him becoming a doctor for the family through yoongi's connections with the soul purpose of one day killing moonbyul and her entire pack…including their pups on accident which ends up destroying the last bit of namjoon's innocence as a person…and he ends up becoming one of the families assassins alongside jimin as a result, in this event jungkook does not stay with them and instead moves on and yoongi stays and tries to get them to stop only to ask them to kill him as their last kill because he's unable to cope with the loss of jin, hobi, the m/c and tae. BUT ANYWAY I DIGRESS THAT IS NOT THIS STORY.

i think in this story there is this really interesting dynamic of femininity and death and morality- that being said red nail polish is definitely a metaphor for whose comfortable killing and who isn't. i like the contrast between tae who will never wear red nails again- vs the moon pack who all are not allowed out of the nest if their nailpolish isn't perfect like- thats another layer of the fucked up shit.

are you suprised that the m/c is going to leave? Did you see it coming from a mile away? i mean...it is in the title of the series 😈

….the parallel between hobi losing his voice and the m/c not having a voice at the beginning of the series- you can project whatever meaning you want onto that <3

also on that subject the line "Jin’s hands. Your face. Tae’s head. Hoseok’s throat. Each of you has lost the thing most necessary to your survival." it's worth mentioning that thats not what i think is the most necessary thing to their survival but it is their own interpretation of what keeps them alive. like i for one actually think that the m/c is a lot more pragmatic than anyone gives her credit for but i digress. i could go on about all of their strenghts.

what did you guys think about hobi's secret reveal???? a fair amount of people have guessed it and i think when someone got it at the beginning of the series i lied and said it wasn't- i'm allowed to be an unreliable narrator too!!! kudos to everyone who got it! i feel like it could have been revealed better and originally the big one off was slated for next chapter but i decided to shift it to this one (mostly because i think the next chapter is about to get up there in terms of word count tbh 😭) but T-T its done now! please give me praise because i'm baby and this week has honestly been really hard

[blood-smiles]

Hi! I just read your yan!Doll x reader and I was wondering if you were willing to elaborate or make little headcannons of the like of how living together with him is?

If your asks aren't open right or your just Tired feel free to ignore! :D

And could I become an anon? since I believe I'll be staying on this block for a while

And if I were allowed to become an anon could I be 🍰 anon?

HIIII :33 it would be my honor to elaborate!!!!! And congrats for being my first anon! <3 adding 🍰 anon to my list rn c: it’s a bit long so I apologize

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo first and foremost is like a tattoo, once you get it there is no way to remove it permanently, that’s basically what life with him is.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo will wake up, fresh faced and motivated again for another day with you, he wakes up like a literal princess, not the slightest sign of eye bags or even morning pimples, his hair perfect and tidy, well.. He is a doll.

꩜ .ᐟ He always manages to get up before you, by the time you wake up a sweet aroma of food would waft into your nose, what was he? Fucking Gordon Ramsay?

꩜ .ᐟ he will always add a special nutrition to your food! He never tells you to though.. Whenever you ask he just gets red in the face and slightly sweaty before dodging the question.. sigh.

“Oh. Well, It’s just my.. haha.. Eat up, darling! I made this food with all my love~!”

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo’s food always has a slightly salty taste, not enough to ruin your meal, but it would be better if it didn’t have it.

꩜ .ᐟ You spend the rest of your time doing whatever you wish, playing PS4, drawing, crocheting, you name it—Angelo will be there to ‘supervise’ you activities, supervise meaning stare at you for hours on end without blinking.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo who always has to stop himself from punching a hole into your TV or incinerating your possessions, he hates when your attention isn’t on him, he lives off your attention, praise and degradation.. So what does he do to fix it?

꩜ .ᐟ who you see raging from the corner of your eye, his usually pitch black eyes glinting with red.

“Angelo, is something wrong?”

“no! How about you take a break from.. That, and we cuddle for a little? Does that sound good?”

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo’s jealousy can be dangerous if you trigger it, he will leave for a little with his doll, before coming back with crimson blotches on his white attire.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo will make your possessions disappear, they always appear again after a bit of time, they will have strange stains on them though, you always put them to wash though, god knows what he does with your blanket of all things.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo will sit and stare at himself in the mirror, it’s strange and unsettling, it gives you the heebie jeebies but you never say anything, he almost seems dissatisfied while he looks at himself in the mirror.

꩜ .ᐟ he wants nothing more but for you to bite his skin and leave deep bruises on his almost Snow White skin.. He is just too shy to say anything though, demons bond in that way, bites is claiming possession over each other, he knows you are human and don’t follow along but.. The thought just makes him so excited!

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo finishes his day by making out with you, allowing your tongue to shove itself into his mouth, saliva binding the both of you in a passionate session.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo watches as you use your tooth brush, he licks his lips, thinking of what he could do with that tooth brush..

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo sleeps in your clothing, the thing he adores most, your scent entering his nostrils, he likes to put you under his shirt, so he can feel your warm skin against his cold skin.

꩜ .ᐟ Angelo kisses your head while you are asleep, wrapping his legs around you and resting his cheek against your forehead.

꩜ .ᐟ He will sometimes cry out of happiness to be here with you, he will cry out of love, his eyes will become swollen, his lips red from biting them, his heart beats solely for you, he went as far to carve your name into his heart’s flesh.

[thealtoduck]

Dream of You

Bodyguard!Reggie Mantle x Idol!Male Reader

Kpop Idol AU (Idol x Bodyguard)

Y/g/n = Your Group’s Name

Y/c/n = Your Company’s name

Warnings: Smut, bottom!Reader, top!Reggie, bick dick!Reggie, secret relationship, anal sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, age difference (Reggie is a couple of years older than you), blowjob, cum in ass, maybe ooc!Reggie (idk i haven’t watched Riverdale since Season 3), motel sex…

Summary: You’re a famous idol from a beloved kpop boy group and after a night of winning an award at music show you meet up with your secret boyfriend Reggie…

(A/n: Hi… )

(Special thanks to @roses-r-rosie3 for pre-reading this a while back 🫶)

—��

You were a member of a six membered group called Y/g/n under the relatively unknown company Y/c/n. Just last year your group had started gaining traction for your amazing skills in singing and dancing as well as your lighthearted but loud dance music.

You even managed to get your first win on a music show a couple of months ago. Leading to most of you crying as you accepted your first trophy and sang your encore stage. Now you were back with a new mini album, which sales numbers had steadily gone up since your last comeback. And as you attended another music show to promote.

”And the winner is Y/G/N!!! Congrats!” The music shows M/C announced as confetti cannons went of making you and your members jump in both fright and excitement. The six of you now had 3 wins on your comeback title track.

You excitedly sang your encore stage and waved to your fans as you held up the trophy. Once you finished you went backstage towards your dressing room. Once you got there you were met with your security team waiting inside to escort you out.

You went to walk past one of your guards to go change but he grabbed your arm making you turn to him. It was Reggie. ”You were great out there” he said softly with a smile. ”Thanks” you said as his comment gave you butterflies.

You and Reggie had been secretly dating for a couple of months, ever since a passionate night a couple of days after your first win where he had ended up taking your virginity. The two of you would often go on sneaky dates together at night to draw attention.

You and the others went and changed out of your stage outfits and got ready to go home. Security grouped up around you as you prepared to leave, Reggie standing himself next to you, you’re hands sligtly grazing each other.

They escorted you past the fans and to a minibus that would take you home from the music show venue. You smiled for the pictures the fans took and blew them a kiss. Reggie smirked at your antics.

Reggie was quite popular within your group fandom because they thought he was very handsome and also because of his close friendship with you and your members. He always seemed extra protective of the six of you when he was on duty compared to the other guards.

You entered the minibus along with your members and sat down in one of the seats putting on your seatbelt. The others were excitedly talking about your win as your driver drove you back towards your dorms.

Your phone lit up as you got a text notification from Reggie, you opened your phone and read:

Reggie: I’ll pick you up in an hour

Y/n: Okay, i’ll wait outside the dorm building

Once the minibus stopped outside your dorm building you followed your members inside. When you got to your shared apartment the others didn’t waste anytime before collapsing on the couch and turning on the tv.

You went in to the room you shared with your group leader ”Hye”. You changed in to a black hoodie and a pair of dark jeans to not draw attention, you also packed a change of clothes in a backpack. You joined your members in front of the tv for a while.

They were watching a new popular drama about a female idol dating her bodyguard and you couldn’t help but avoiding looking dircetly at the screen the context of the show making you feel awkward. The ficitional idol’s relationship with the bodyguard had been revealed to the public causing huge scandal.

Her and the bodyguard were now arguing about the strain their relationship took on her career and if their relationship was even worth continuing. You frowned at the scene playing out on the tv and distracted yourself with your phone.

You looked at the time, wanting to get away from watching the drama. You saw that it was finally time to meet up with Reggie. ”Guys, i’m gonna go sleep over at a friend’s house, i’ll see you at practice tommorow” you told them. They all each gave you a goodbye hug before you got up and you walked out the door.

It was nice feeling as the cool air hit your face when you stepped out of the building. You didn’t have to wait long until Reggie’s car pulled up beside you. You opened the door and sat down next to him and as soon as you closed the door you immediately felt his soft lips press against yours.

You kissed back passionately and once you both pulled back for air he uttered a ”I’ve missed you”. ”We were together a little more than an hour ago” you commeted. ”I meant i missed being able to kiss you” he corrected as he started the car and drove in to traffic. One hand on the steering wheel and one softly holding your thigh.

As he drove you through nightime Seoul you told Reggie the plot of the drama the others had watched but you intentionally left out the part where everything went wrong for the couple.

He was driving towards the outskirts of town where you had managed to find a good subtle rendezvous spot that gave the two of you the privacy you wanted. It was a sleazy motel. No one would expect to find an Idol there.

Reggie pulled in to it’s parking lot and parked the car outside the small motel. The two of you got out and made your way in to the building and walked to the front desk that was being run by a middle aged man. Reggie asked him for a room for two with one bed, which caught the man off guard at first but he handed Reggie a key.

As you both turned to leave the man called out ”Hey!”. Making both you and Reggie turn back, the man was now focusing his attention at you, studying your features. ”Are you somekind of celebrity? I feel like i’ve seen you somewhere” he asked.

You shook your head and lied casually ”No, i just have a recognisable face”. Before the man could get another glace you and Reggie made your way out and towards your room.

You entered the small motel room and kicked of your shoes and threw your backpack on to an empty chair. You went and laid down on the soft bed spreading yourself out. Meanwhile Reggie closed the door and checked that the curtains were fully covering the windows so no one could spy in on you.

”Come on Reggie, i’m waiting” you said needily. Reggie then turned to you and came over and layed down on the bed next to you. You quickly engaged in a hungry kiss, lusting for the other. You climbed on top of Reggie and stradled him as you made out.

Reggie’s hand slipped down to your ass, squeezing it through your pants. You let out a soft moan against his lips making him smirk, he moved his hand to your front and started palming at your crotch, making you grow hard from the pressure he applied.

You touched Reggie’s large pecs over his shirt feeling them up. Reggie liked the feeling and started unbuttoning you pants, as if you were in competition to see who could make the other moan the most.

Reggie slipped his large hand inside your underwear taking your dick in his firm grasp. You groaned quietly from his grip of your cock as he slowly moved his hand up and down your shaft. While Reggie touched you, you started unbuckling his belt and unbutton his pants, wanting to make him feel good.

You climbed between Reggie’s legs and started pulling off his pants, you pulled them all the way down and pulled them off, throwing them aside. There was a huge tent in Reggie’s underwear, thin fabric concealing his throbbing manhood.

You layed between his legs your face hovering his awaiting dick, you pulled down Reggie’s underwear setting his thick cock free in front of you. You gave a lick up his shaft making Reggie’s bite his lip at the touch of your warm wet tongue.

When you got to the tip you teased him by putting your lips around it, giving small licks on it but not fully going down on him. Reggie made an awating groan, trying not to give you the satisfaction of giving in to your teasing.

Once you realised he wouldn’t budge you took more of his manhood in to your mouth, your mouth felt stretched out as you tried to take his fat cock. Reggie reaching down putting his hands on the side of your head as you accepted more of him.

Reggie moaned in low tone, as the warmness of your mouth felt amazing around him as your saliva coated his dick. ”Fuck” Reggie swore quietly in pleasure as you took as much of him in your mouth as it would allow you.

You then started moving up and down on his cock. You set a steady pace that drove Reggie crazy as you worked his length. After a couple of minutes Reggie felt himself getting close, but he didn’t want to cum yet.

”Stop” Reggie said lightly lifting your head as you brought your mouth off him. ”My turn” he said sittng up in the bed. You laid down on the bed a Reggie’s body hovered over you. He stripped you both of your shirts. Revealing his own meaty muscles to you.

As you made out Reggie started pulling your pants down, once he got them off you were naked beneath him, your own cock hard in anticipation. ”So beautiful” Reggie uttered stroking your thigh. He stood up and went to his own bag and picked up a bottle of lube, spreading some on his fingers.

He got back on the bed and spread your legs to give him access to your tight awaiting hole. Reggie started teasing his fingers over your enterance just like you had done to him. ”Reggie, please” you said in a lustful begging tone.

That was all Reggie needed to start pushing a finger in to you, prepping you for his thick length. He added another finger to stretch you out further, and then another. Once he had loosened you up he slowly pulled out his fingers.

Reggie fully took of his underwear and smeared more lube on his monster length and positioned himself at your enterance and started pushing himself in to your ass. You moaned loudly as Reggie’s huge cock split you open. ”Taking me so well” he said comfortingly had he held your legs spread.

Reggie only just managed to fit his whole manhood in your tightness. You gripped the sheets in a sensation of pain and pleasure as you tried to adjust to his large size. ”Reggie, you’re so big” you whined making him smirk.

”That’s right, and you look so beautiful taking me” Reggie gloated to himself. Once you were adjusted to his size he slowly started moving in and out of you with a slow pace. Reggie loved how warm and tight your hole felt around him.

As Reggie moved inside you, you let out breathy moan as he took your ass. You gripped at Reggie strong chiseled body, squeezing his big juicy chest. ”I love seeing you like this” he said lustfully.

”Your fans could never see you the way i see you” he bragged to himself as he started rolling his faster as he plowed your hole, making you moan even louder. You swore in pleasure as you felt Reggie’s cock deep inside you.

Your bodies glistened with sweat as Reggie powerfully thrusted in to your heat toching against your prostate making your mouth gape in bliss. Reggie placed kisses to your neck as he whispered praises in your ear.

Reggie then swiftly pulled out of you and flipped you on to your stomach with your ass in the air, showing your loose gaping hole. He gripped your hips and thrust his cock back in your ass as you moaned Reggie’s name loudy in to the matress.

”That’s good baby, such a nice warm hole ” he said as pounded his hips against your beautiful round ass. In your bliss you felt your climax getting close as Reggie monster cock pummeled your prostate.

”Reggie- I’m gonna-” you said breatily but was unable to finish as shot ropes of cum on to sheets below you. The sight of you so undone and sweaty made Reggie long for his own release.

He grabbed you around the chest and pulled your upper body towards him, your back against his chest as his meaty cock fucked into you, leaking his pre-cum inside you close to his release.

”I’m close” Reggie said as he relentlessly took you. ”Cum inside me” you told him needily and with a only few rough thrusts in between Reggie buried his manhood inside you, flooding your insides with his cum.

You both panted heavily in exhaustion. Reggie slowly pulled out of you and let you lay down on the bed. Then he went to the bathroom where he wet a towel in the sink and came back and started cleaning your leaking hole. He then layed down next to you and pulled the covers over the two of you.

He pulled you close to him and you cuddled. ”I don’t know how i’m supposed to be albe to walk tommorow, much less dance” you said as you both let out a small chuckle. ”Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out” Reggie said with a smile.

He then held you close as you both drifted off to sleep…

[babeydollx]

can I have 2 and 3 from the smut prompts for JJ Maybank? congrats on 4k bestie!! ♥♥

Take It, Princess | JJ Maybank

❀ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: cursing, smut, 18+, MDNI, bondage, some degrading, sex, p in v, daddy kink, unprotected sex.

❀ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: JJ Maybank x Female Pogue Reader

❀ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: In which JJ tries to test Y/N's limits in the bedroom.

❀ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓(𝐒): 2. "That's it princess, take it all." and 3. "Hands behind your back."

❀ 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 723 words

❀ 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: Tysm for requesting, angel! 💕🥰

4k Followers Celebration | 4k Followers Celebration Masterlist | JJ Maybank Masterlist

© Maybanks-Luver 2023, please do not steal, copy, modify, repost, or translate my work.

"Hands behind your back." JJ said as he stood behind you. You obeyed your boyfriend's orders as you placed your hands behind your back. You felt him tie your wrists up with something silky like the belt on your bathrobe. Once he got your wrists tied securely behind your back, he led you to your shared bed. JJ pushed you down onto the bed, your frontside landing on the soft sheets. You felt the bed shift from his weight when he put his knee on the bed.

He grabbed the soft flesh on your ass before smacking it roughly, causing you to yelp. He just smirked as he did it again, and again, and again. Once he stopped the assault on your ass, the flesh felt raw and was bright red. JJ pulled your hips up so you were partly in downward dog, your face pressed against the pillow under you. You herd him undoing his belt buckle before you herd the sound of his pants dropping to the floor.

He positioned himself behind you before sliding his hard cock between your wet folds. You moaned softly as he did so. He continued to tease your pussy with his cock before positioning himself at your entrance. He pushed himself into you with ease, your pussy already being sopping from your arousal. You moaned as you felt his cock fill you to the brim, his length reaching all the way inside of you. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the feeling of being stretched out and filled up.

JJ didn't even bother to start out slowly. His thrusts were rough and fast causing you to moan out loudly. You were only a few minutes into it and you were already a moaning mess because of how he was fucking you. "Oh fuck-" You moaned out loudly as he began to hit your g-spot again and again. "That's it princess, take it all." JJ groaned as he continued to fuck your pussy. Your eyes rolled as he somehow went even faster than he was going before, his thrusts becoming more frantic as he was getting closer to his high.

"Tell me how much you love my cock." JJ said with a growl as he wrapped his hand around your throat. "Fuck, daddy! I love it so fucking much-" You moaned out as he continued to fuck you. "Yeah? Whose fucking you so good right now, hm?" He said as he continued to plow his dick into you. "You are!" You screamed as his pace got rougher. You could feel a knot forming in your stomach, your climax was so close. "That's right. You're such a dirty little slut for daddy." He said before groaning when he felt your pussy clench around his cock. "Fuck baby.." He groaned as he tilted his head back.

"I'm g- gonna fucking cum! C- can I please cum, daddy?" You moan out feeling like you were about to burst. "Come on, cum for me princess." He said with a small growl. Your whole body began to tremble, your eyes rolling back as a scream tore through your throat. JJ groaned as you squirted, coating his cock in your cum. He thrusted into you a few more times before cumming himself, painting your velvety walls white. He pulled out of you slowly before collapsing beside you.

One he caught his breath, he pulled you over and gently untied your wrists before pulling you into his warm embrace. "You did so good for daddy." JJ said softly as he kissed your head. You giggled and smiled as he peppered your face with kisses after kissing your head. "I'll have to test your limits more often." He said with a devilish smirk. "Well then, I can't wait until you do it again." You said with a giggle before leaning in and kissing him softly.

Author's Note: this was the first fic released for my 4k celebration! Tysm for reading, angels!

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hi Kat, huge congrats on reaching 2K 💕 for the event, could I request a post-war Dadvi drabble where the happy family is living somewhere in Marley & celebrating Levi's birthday?

hi flo! :3 i rly want to commission someone to draw levi holding a baby in his lap now kjdskfj

Making a Fuss | 2K Follower Event | Post-War Dadvi Drabble

✧ word count ➼ < 800 ✧ notes ➼ post-war, fluff

The farmer's market was a bit more crowded today in terms of both vendors and buyers. Although most of the produce was sold earlier in the fall, there were still fruits and vegetables that had been harvested from the gardening that had occurred the year prior. A few years after the end of the Rumbling, the world was slowly getting pieced back together.

Walking from your house to the market and then through the market to the bakery was going to be a bit of a longer journey, so you were pushing Levi through the lineup of vendors as he sat in his wheelchair. It was ultimately for the best. Since he was seated, he was able to sit with your 7-month old in his lap, although your child was beginning to get restless from the amount of people around you. He wanted nothing more than to escape Levi's lap and crawl around, but Levi had a firm grip on him.

You had originally said that you were only wanting to pick up some vegetables and hang out at the bakery for the afternoon, but Levi wasn't dumb. It was too much of a coincidence that you had been this insistent on going out on his birthday. You had something planned.

His eyes went from staring at the bakery off in the distance down to your child that was busy babbling and tugging on his shirt. He had been fine as Levi occasionally distracted him by chatting with him or poking him, but it was clear that he was getting restless.

Levi heard you shuffling around behind him and you reached over his shoulder while holding a small plush shaped like a cat, handing it to your child to play with.

You ruffled your baby's jet black hair, which matched the hue of his father's. It hadn't thickened up enough for you to be able to style it yet, but you knew that your heart was going to melt as soon as you saw your baby wearing the same undercut as Levi.

Levi's nose immediately scrunched up as he gave his child a wary look the minute the teething toddler began gnawing at the plushie, very quickly covering part of the stuffed animal in his own slobber.

"Would you rather him be gnawing on his hands that have been touching every surface we've seen since leaving the house?"

The only response you heard from Levi was a gentle grunt as he acknowledged your comment.

You wheeled Levi and your baby over to a corner table on the outside porch of the bakery as soon as you arrived before walking inside to pick up the order that you had placed ahead of time.

You knew that Levi was not one to enjoy gifts, but you wanted to at least do something to celebrate. Plus, the three of you needed to get out of the house and go somewhere other than the teashop.

"No way," you uttered affectionately as you redirected your child's grabby hands away from the pastry cake you held in your hands. "I didn't even set this thing down yet."

While your child looked overly excited for the sugary treat that he technically wasn't even supposed to have yet, Levi held a skeptical expression, with one eyebrow raised higher than the other.

"Oh c'mon, it's like your first day off in what...two weeks?" you asked in an exasperated tone as you sat down. "I know you're very adamant about keeping the teashop together, but you should at least be allowed to celebrate your birthday."

"I've had days off."

You scoffed, clearly not believing him.

"Yeah, and you choose to spend them at the shop despite the fact that Gabi and Falco have been helping out."

"And leave the fate of the shop to those brats? Fuck no."

A scowl quickly appeared on your face as you visually berated him for cursing in front of your child, although you already knew that he didn't really care too much about that concept of not cursing in front of him.

He tightened his grip on his child that was getting increasingly fussy and turned him around to look into his eyes that matched yours in color.

"You have never made a fuss about your birthday, have you?" he asked with a serious expression. "Maybe you should have a chat with your mother."

You gently smacked Levi's shoulder with an annoyed, but also subtly amused look.

"He hasn't had a birthday yet, you dumbass."

You vaguely heard him scoff at your comment, amused at the fact that you cursed almost immediately after judging him for cursing within earshot of your baby.

"Just accept the 'happy birthday', you asshole."

[idioticcrow]

141 + LV reacting to an older male reader that they didn't expect to be a badass person

Requested by @xdark-acadamiax

Warnings: cannon typical violence, blood, death, explosives, reader being kind if a menace, detailed gore, reader may have a touch of 'tism, reader is 6-7 years older than Price (40), reader is this characters are this font, reader is mentioned to be a demolitions expert, reader kind of turned out feral instead of badass, reader is cruel a but, and a sadist. Reader joined the military at 20-21 and is ranked above Ghost but Below Price, reader knows arabic

Im sorry if it looks gn reader, i have never wrote for m! Reader

Gifs are not mine

Characters Included: Simon 'Ghost' Riley, John 'Soap' Mactavish, Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, Jonathan Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo 'Rudy' Parra

He doesn't really know what's your age but he doesn't underestimate you. Since your older than Price

On this mission you were sent you planned an other thing.

It was a stealth mission, but you got ambushed, you teamed up with Ghost for the time being.

You ran up to a window on the 2nd floor (3rd for the americas) of a building. "What are you planning to do?", "Just watch".

And with that you jumped down.

You jumped down on the enemie's shoulder, broke his shoulders, then used this moment to shoot all of them surrounding then you ripped the knife from the guy's hand and stab his neck with it, cutting in a straight line trough his artery.

Blood was everywhere, on your hand, on your thighs, your boots.

Then the enemy started to tilt from your weight as you got down.

And Ghost just watched this, he would have done this other wise but now he likes your ideas more.

Congrats, you got his respect for your ideas.

When he found out you're an demolitions expert, he knew he is lucky to meet your

You two were sent out on a mission to a lab in far Siberia, you had to sneak in, get the files and explode the building.

There were only stealth allowed so you had a plan, kill 2 enemy and wear their clothes, easy.

Except Soap didn't count on how much demolition you can make on 2 buildings.

He went on building A, and you went to B and C, he got the info, put down the bombs, and radioed you.

But you had other plans, you made gas grenades that contained magnesium and sulfur, and if magnesium is ignited it burns hotter that the sun. And Sulfur was used in old matches that used to explode. Overall the fractions of death.

So after you got the info and put down a bomb, you threw these grenades into the vents, everything I side the building had a glittery layer on them by the Mg (magnesium) .

You and Soap met up at the exfil point and there was nothing more than to send the buildings up above, so you did that.

First he exploded building A, it wasn't a really big blast but you could hear the fire eat up the desks, and everything flammable in there.

Then there went B and C, the explision had bright blue flames because of the burning magnesium and sulfur, it was beautiful.

Soap watched as you smiled at you "art" piece, he had to admit it it was one sight to see. But now, he had a fear of you, a fear in the back if his head that you could do so much more, and make more deadlier gas grenades

He was fond of you since you two understood eachother because of you ages,

he knew that you werent what you seemed because he arranged you here

It was a solo mission for you, but you had a camera on your helmet so he could see what you were doing

He was a bit terrified behind the screen, he never saw someone murder soldiers like this, it was a massacre

The mission went South and you basically had to kill every hostile (100 personnel)

But the twist was that you had 3 mags left, aprox 90 Bullets left (Choose your own gun)

So you went South too, one bullet-one head, you were giving out death to those hostiles like it was a peaceful airsoft match.

Then the Last 10 people, no ammo, face to face, with them having guns

But you had a knife, better that nothing eh?

You jumped onto the 1# guy, for Your luck he was big enough that he could cover you, you jumped and slashed his Neck and threw him onto his allies, -1

Then you sprinted to slash those 2 's neck that stuck under the Dead body -3

There was 7 left, they were in a bit of a shock due to your speed and power to throw a Man 150kg of pure muscle with accuracy

Not only they were suprised but John was suprised behind the screen too. He made the right choice with you.

The remaining 7 just started to shoot at you, you quickly got behind one of them, and broke their neck, then used their body as a shield, Nice! -4

Got onto the 5th person, you slipped into a crouch like position, made a ground with you left arm and kicked the guy in the Ribs, since you launched you entire anatomy at him a single kick, and his heart stopped :). -5

A half of them remained, they were still sooo sure that they can take you down, well no.

After the kick you Again used the Deadbody as a shield, stole his knife then you threw it into 6#'s solar plexus, you threw strong enough to Pierce the tac west, his clothes and his muscles in that area, drop dead, -6.

You decided you had enough showing off and you stole 6's gun, and just shot them up i ran out of ideas sorry

And there was Price again sitting at the desk as he watched all this in a 1st row seat, he really made the Best choice

He knew that you were authority when he saw you on base

He was lucky, that he got on your good side, you didn't scold him for his and Soap's shenanigans, instead you just laughed, maybe even joined if you found it good enough

You Got kidnapped on a Mission, and its been 1 week from it, the guys were back in the safe house making a Plan on getting you out, bit you had enough of being captive.

You were locked in the basement, and you Got the Plan to get out and destroy the building

So when the AQ soldier came in to interrogate you again, you knocked him out switched his clothes with yours and off you went, you knew it would be handy to learnedt arabic

Off you went, to search for C4's and alikes, and thee who seeketh thou shall find

You went to the basement and placed the bomba on the pillars, then you hade done this on every level, telling the AQ soldier that their boss wanted them in his "office"

Then you went around the whole site, the hangars, playing charges on the helis and the pillars, took a car and just drive out of the site

BOOM, all That could be heard, but if listened closely the screams of the AQ soldiers that burned to death, and the sound of falling building parts, the sound of the flames eating up anything fireable, as you watched the fire and the adrenaline started to get out of your system everything hurt,

You Got slapped by the reality that your knee was broken, your shoulder dislocated, your wrist broken, few Ribs broken and just a Lot of bruises and cuts that your torturer had bestoved upon you, you didnt kmow how the AQ didnt notice but you were glad

Of course the explosion wasnt excluded from the team's vision and hearing, espcially from gaz's he was absolutely amazed even though he just heard it, you alone exploded the whole site, probably with one foot in the grave from the week of pain.

You went away from the safe house in solo, of course shit went south and you got back to the safehouse, with half your body in the grave

You got atleast 5 stab wounds, 3 bullets in you, atleast 2 ribs broken, 2 of you fingers partially blown off, 2nd stage burns on your face, and partially blinded by a flash grenade because they thrown like 3 at you and a broken shoulder, yikes

Alejandro knew that you were older than him so he was a bit suprised that you still walked and was able to get yourself back to the safe house without dying ar further injuring yourself

Amd you got the whole job done like the whole mission, it costed a few things but it wouldnt be a bother anymore

After this Alejandro held you with deep respect because he knows for himself that he probably wouldnt be able to still treck back to the safehouse that was 5km away from the base you were attacking.

He started questioning in himself, if you could take this and still treck 5km then how much you can take, and what saddend him a little that to build up this much will and taking yourself back to safety, it must be often happening since you moved with no pained expression

Rudy knew that you were one dangerous fellow but he knew it more when he saw you run into a terrorist base alone to save him

He was projected cameras for him to see that nobody will come for his rescue, but there you were shooting up the building searching

Searching for him, he saw your face of concern and worry as you search for him

Eliminating guards, quickly, 4 and 5 at once to save him and you just kept running for him

You kept running so you could find him alive

He saw how easily you deleted 15 guards with just a single knife before you broke up the door of his cell and save him

When you entered his cell there you were, bloody, sweaty weary and searching for him

And you saw him, bloody and tired from torture so they could get information from him

-------

I'm sorry I ran out of ideas for Rudy's part

[spicywhenspeaking]

For @madomens !

Noah smut & giggles so 18+ nerds (affectionately)

unedited b/c lazyyy

You haven’t seen Noah and the guys in over a two months since he went on tour. Your last year of grad school has been kicking your butt! Thankfully it’s finally over and as a graduation present Noah rented out a lake house for all of you to enjoy for a week of fun in the sun, swimming, jet skis and hours of lounging by the pool. You were so excited! About relaxing and having fun of course, but mostly excited to see Noah again. You missed him so much and even though you call and text constantly nothing can compare to being together.

The plan was to meet at the lake house since they where and heading strait there from the airport and my apartment is only an hour and a half away from the house they rented. I spend the drive listening to a mix of my boyfriend screaming and early 2000’s club hits making it a head banging and hip swinging car dance party.

The boys got to the house a few hours before me, I had a late start to the trip. In other words I woke up and had a flat tire and it took me 3 hours to get a new one on, no way I was driving long distance on a donut.

Pulling up to the house I’m shocked at the size, it’s massive with a long paved drive way. Noah must have been following my location because as I’m driving up he runs out the front door with a huge smile oh his face that I know I’m returning and looking like a love sick goof. I park the car and quickly unbuckle and he’s already half way there because of his long legs.

I’m out of the car soon and within a few steps in throwing myself up into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. “Oh baby I missed you so much” he says with his face buried in my neck. “I missed you too” I tell him back and begin peppering his face with kisses until our lips meet in a searing kiss. I’m not sure how long we’re lost in each other but at some point the other guys come out the door and see us. “Alright you two! Reel it in! You’ll have all week to suck face!” Nicholas yells and the two other laugh. Noah places me back on the ground and tousles my hair slightly. “Hey!” I call out and jump to mess up his hair in retaliation. He giggles and lunges out of the way towards my car to unload my bag. I sigh happily and head towards my friends to say hello.

Folio and Jolly both wrap me up in big hugs and congratulate me on my graduation. “Thanks guys!” I say to them returning their hugs with love. Nicholas come and puts his arm around my shoulder, ushering me inside. “Congrats dude, I brought my tattoo gun if you wanted some celebratory ink ?” I wrap my arms around him and thank him profusely. “Amazing! But maybe later in the week so I can go swimming,” he nods and we walk the rest of the way into the house.

It’s huge! With a huge front entrance and a double staircase that leads upstairs. We keep walking forward into the large living room. It has a big cloud couch that we all pile onto. Noah is following behind with my bag and leans behind where I’m seated. “Hey” he kisses my forehead and gestures his head back towards the stairs. “Let me show you our room” he sets my bag down, reaches over and picks me up off the couch and puts me next to him. Picking the bag back up and grabbing my hand he leads us to the stairs, “be right back guys!” I call towards the group that’s settled onto the couch.

Noah leads us up to our room, he picked the corner bedroom that has a en-suite bathroom and a small balcony. “Wow, this room is beautiful Noah! I can’t believe you rented this whole house just for me” I say in awe. He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. Humming a quiet “I’d do anything for you baby” he nuzzles into my neck and leaves hot open mouth kisses and then sucks lightly at my pulse point.

“Ah, Noah what are you doing?” I ask surprised but leaning into his touch. It’s by no means unwelcome. His hands wander under the hem of my shirt, his fingers gently toying with the skin above my jeans. “I’m saying hi to my girlfriend.” He spins me around so we’re face to face. “Properly” he kisses me passionately and everything else fades away.

He hoists me up so I can wrap my legs around him again, this time we thankfully have privacy. He holds me close and walks us back towards the end and once we’re there he throws me back towards the pillows. He strips off his shirt and crawls up the bed until my let’s are on either side of him and his hips are flushed with my own. I drag my hands up his torso towards his broad shoulders and then down to feel the muscles in his arms. “You’re getting so strong, it’s hot” I wink and he grins, “yeah, pumping some serious iron” he jokes.

“You’re such a dork!” I respond and he laughs before moving to pull off my shirt. “Yeah well, you’re into it so just be a good girl and take the rest of your clothes off so I can finally fuck you. I’m dying over there”

My mouth hands open slightly, taking a moment to recover from both the pet name and the sexy demand. I scramble to unbutton and shimmy out of my jeans. He expertly unhooks my bra with one hand. Leaning down he places a tender kiss against my lips as his hands squeeze my breasts and tweak my hardening nipples. He kisses my cheek and neck, biting and sucking on my skin. Taking my nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tight nub, I moan at the sensation.

Noah continues his path down my body until he reaches the top of my panties. Hooking his fingers down the sides be drags him slowly down my legs and tosses them aside. Pulling my legs apart his eyes darken, “oh I missed this” he says before diving in. “Fuck ! Noah” I yelp as his tongue flattens against my core, dipping in slightly. He starts sucking gently on my clit and my body bucks off of the bed. He adds a finger and pumps it in and out, angling to hit that perfect spot. “Ah! Noah, yes. Right there,” I moan and tangle my finger in his hair. He hums into me and adds another finger, stretching me and getting me ready to take his thick cock.

“Fuck, Noah. It feels so good. Need more.” I moan. “I need you inside me.”

He sits up and takes his finger out with a wet pop. Standing up he pulls off his pants and underwear and his cock springs up, slapping his skin. “Fuck, I missed you so much baby, can’t wait to feel you taking my cock” he says as he climbs back up and pulls my hips forward towards his own until they’re flush. He slaps his cock against my pussy and it makes an obscene sound.

He pushes in slowly and my wet core takes him in greedily. “Fuck” we both moan out in unison and he settles in when he’s fully inside.

He starts with an even pace and gradually picks up, he folds my legs up as he snaps his hips against mine with a carnal slap as he hits the spot inside me again and I see white.

Suddenly our door flys open and my orgasm is raking through me so I don’t have the ability to stop the low moan that leaves my mouth.

“Hey- pizzas her- OH FUCK!” Folio screeches and his hands fly to his eyes as he scrambles to exit. “She’s been here for like ten minutes man!! Have you no control” he continues to yell from the other side of the door.

Noah just rolls his eyes, his hips not slowing down for a second despite the interruption. “Are you okay?” He checks in mid thrust.

I nod and he readjusts my legs so he can circle my clit, he leans back slightly and spits down adding more wetness to our joined bodies. Soon my pussy is clenching down on him again and I’m calling out in pleasure as another orgasm rips through me.

“Okay, now you on top.” He says and swings us around to switch positions. Settling back onto his cock it feels even bigger and fuller inside of me. “Oh, Noah! It’s so good! fuck!”I rock up and down, bouncing and feeling him hit the deepest parts of me. It’s perfect.

“You feel so good baby” Noah says and pushes his hips up to meet mine, fucking me from below. The new angle is everything. I feel overcome with pleasure and third orgasm shatters me as I fall onto Noah’s chest trying to catch my breath. As my walls clench and pulse around Noah’s hard member, he gently pulls out and flips us back over moan as he spills his hot cum over my stomach and breasts.

“That was fucking amazing.” Noah says as he collapses next to me on the bed. “Fucking amazing babe.” He kisses my shoulder lightly and try’s to even put his breathes before getting up to run and grab a towel to clean off my stomach and chest. He lays back down in bed and pulls me into cuddle tightly against his chest.

We bask in the after glow of our reunion for a few minutes before showering quickly. I throw on a clean outfit and we head back downstairs to join the others. We are welcomed with chorus of wolf whistles and hoots, “damn! You two can’t keep your hands off each other for ten damn minutes before getting nasty!” Jolly says. “Yeah, the pizza got delivered and I bet Folio fifty bucks he wouldn’t go up to tell you guys” Nicholas laughs and I throw a pillow at them.

“You pervs, I can’t wait until y’all being girls around. I can tell them all about your fart contests and horrible taste in candy” I send a glare towards Jolly at the end. “Hey! Lots of people like licorice!” He contests.

I roll my eyes, “yeah! A lot of old people, people in their nineties! Sorry grandpa” I joke and we all fall into a fit of laughter.

We flop onto the couch together and cuddle close.

“Put on a movie!” I say excitedly as I reach for the pizza and open the box.

“Alright, what’s your usually post coital movie choice” Folio asks with a shit eating girl.

“Hmmm” I tap my chin. “Let me think, what about the 40 year old virgin? Maybe then I’ll finally understand you guys” I joke and then I feel a pillow hit the side of my face.

Hope this is what you where looking for!!! 🫶🏻

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

CW: Babies, addiction

The first night with my Baby went well. You know, I thought it was all good!😞... I was so happy. I wanted to be a mother, his mother! Even before I became pregnant, I dreamed of my Son. (I told once about that dream)

But enough of my dreams! My Grama came to the hospital early in the morning, to help me with my Baby. She was always the first and the last to go home. Later that afternoon, my Son became restless, screaming & crying a lot.

I went to the nurse’s room. I asked when a pediatrician will come by, to examine my Baby? My son is almost 3 days old and has not been properly examined yet. I mean, that’s why I’m here! In this hospital, because of that withdrawal issue in newborns. (NAS) That nurse was totally annoyed by me. She just said, tomorrow morning 2 docs from the NICU are coming, to examine the "Drug Babies". I swear she said Drug-Babies. I just shook my head and turned away from that nurse. On my way back, I saw two other girls, who made fun of something. As I walked past them, I recognized Melissa. 😲

Me: Heeyy!.... Melissa, you here? 😃

Melissa: Omg, Aleksa!! 😲😱

Me: Did you-....

Melissa: YES! Yea, I had my Baby 2 days ago. Nicolina, that's her name.

Melissa: Ahhh, come here babe! 🤗

Me: Careful!!! I had a C-section. 😬 ... Congrats! Nicolina's such a sweet name. My son was born yesterday. His name's Lucas.

Melissa: How cute. Lucas & Nicolina. Haha.. Hey, A., that's Meryem, my roomate here. Her son was also born yesterday.

Meryem: Hi! So, you're one of us?

Me: Um..

Melissa (to M.): A. gets the same meds as me.

Me: Yes. But, how are your Babies, guys? I don’t think my Baby is well.😟

Melissa: Yk, A.? Nicolina's also struggeling. My Mom’s with her rn, she's sleeping. But agh, ask Meryem, my Baby cries & screams all night long. I’m sure she has withdrawal symptoms. 😞

Meryem: My son's fine so far. He has nothing! He's so calm. I got and still take Methadone.

Me: Methadone? Wow, that's... a pretty strong drug!

Melissa (to M.): But your Baby nurses. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have withdrawal symptoms. What about you, A.?

Me: I’m not breastfeeding my son. Just because of that!

Meyrem: They told me, the amount transferred through mother's milk, is not really high.

Me: Hm, Idk?

Melissa: Anyway, tomorrow our Babies will be examined.

Me: Where is your room? My room is 4D. You can visit me at any time.

Meliassa: Our room is 2C, right back there. Just come over to us!

Meryem: Yea, our Babies should hang out together. 😄

Me: 2 Boys & a Girl. Poor Nicolina!😄

Melissa: If your boys behave well, I don’t mind.

Me: I'm glad I met you girls. I hate this place.

Melissa: I was told we had to stay here for 9 days.

Me: I hope not!!! 😨

Later that night, my Baby started screaming for hours. He just didn’t stop!! I asked the nurse for help twice. I was so worried about my Son! I also cried, I felt totally helpless & guilty! I hated myself. Did he actually have withdrawal symptoms? Is that why he cries so much? I had no idea what was wrong with him?? Hopefully the doctors can help him tomorrow.

Previous/Next

[joesalw]

Ok I'm sorry but this is gonna be a long rant.

I am an ex swiftie (also a minor) and I joined the fandom back in 2022 after midnights released. Before that I had heard a few songs but I barely knew anything about Taylor before 2020 and I did not know about the Kimye stuff or anything.

When the bejeweled music video was released I did not realize the easter eggs so thus I thought that I need to become parasocial and I NEED to know everything that taylor has done every minute of the day (referencing Do you really wanna know where I was April 29?)

I went deeper into the hole. I started getting obsessed with Taylor. I clicked on every video , post and podcast mentioning her. I genuinely became a parasocial fan. I only heard her songs and barely cared about other artists. I hated on her exes (Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer especially) because I believed that they had hurt Taylor to no extent. I still don't like them/am neutral but I don't hate them anymore. In march I joined tumblr because I heard Taylor was on here and I have no other social media to support her from so I came here to give her my support.

In April , the breakup happened. I was genuinely devastated. Joe was and is an amazing person. I was shocked to see her move on so quickly and date m*tty he*ly . I was even as a child shocked as to how someone can move on so fast. But also move on to someone so problematic after calling herself an activist? Idk what was wrong with her. But IG as long as she is happy.

She broke up with him. We all rejoiced. Speak now TV was also announced! Yay!

I remember so well on 7th July I was in school and I was so fucking excited about it coming so soon I couldn't sit still. I was counting down minutes until it's release even tho I did not have any devices to listen to it on. My friends were so happy to see me happy and excited af.

I went home and heard speak now tv. Amazing experience for me at that time.

I became the person who said shit like : I hate everyone but Taylor and Taylor is a gift to this Earth and etc etc.

But the amount of joe hate and joeover and joebless jokes annoyed me. Why were we hating a person who was in her life at her worst moments? Taylor would never condone or allow this.

But boy was I wrong.

Most of the hate against joe was my #Strike 1 for leaving the fandom.

Then came along Traylor. I was like oh ok as long as she is happy :))

Then she started associating with the nfl people. Br*ttany M*homes and Abuser bitch.

When I heard of this I was like wtf Taylor???

Weren't you the one who was going off about being on the right side of the history and believing victims?

I was like it's fine maybe she doesn't know or maybe she will stop once she knows.

She didn't

Then she won person of the year. I was already very unhappy with Taylor at that time. But I still was like Yay! Congrats! But maybe you shouldn't be the one to win it?

Then the doxxing by a swiftie happened. It was #strike 3

I left the fandom. I still had hope she would change.

Now after seeing her jets emissions (I'm a huge Environmentalist and a feminist so this shit bothered the living helm out of me) and her continuously hanging out with brittany piece of shit and all the joe hate going on, I am beginning to despise her.

I had initally blocked hate pages like yours but Now I open your posts everyday and check them because I relate to them sm.

I went from a person defending every action of Taylor's, being the only one in my entire theatre who knew the lyrics to all the songs of the eras tour movie , having Taylor as my top artist of the year with more than 60 percent of the songs being hers to despising her so much for being fake and stuck up.

I remember after I left the fandom and not many people knew about it , A classmate said something against Taylor and her songs directly to me daring me to oppose it and I genuinely wanted to cry because I thought that I would now always be associated with this fandom.

The ex swiftie in me genuinely wants 2016 to happen again so Taylor will be removed from the pedestal she is put on by so many. She needs to be saved from herself and her parasocial fans.

And I used to say I would love Taylor forever but I suppose forever really is the sweetest con.

TLDR :- I USED TO BE A PARASOCIAL SWIFTIE WHO USED TO LIVE AND BREATHE TAYLOR BUT NOW I'M SLOWLY STARTING TO DESPISE HER.

Sorry this was so long I had to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading it!

ex swifties are my favourite people in this planet rn

[3mcwriting]

Regret, Part 3: Burned

Regret Masterlist

Warnings: Language, Steve being a dick

Synopsis: Your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, the lead singer of the internationally famous band "The Avengers" was a fan-favorite. From his chiseled muscles to his movie-star smile to his old-fashioned manners, everyone loved him. But you were okay with that. Because he would never cheat on you. Right? Well...

Taglist: @angelsincident

"Turn around?" She quickly turned her head, eyes widening when she saw him.

"You mean that fine ass man who just walked in?" Nat asked, facing you. "Damn, girl! Congrats, he's definitely some good eye candy."

"Hello, ladies," the same smooth Russian accent slithering into your ears, bringing memories of your dance and a small shiver down your spine.

"Hello, I'm Natasha," Nat said with a sly grin. "(y/n), how about you introduce me to your friend?"

"I don't know his name," you said, shrugging.

"Yeah, names are too serious aren't they, love?" he asked, winking at you with a self-satisfied look on his face. Nat turned to you with a sly expression on her face as she mouthed, 'love'.

You sent her a look. "That's right. If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?"

It would be a real shame if he was some weirdo stalker.

"Isn't that too serious?" He smirked. You just gave him an unimpressed look, making him chuckle. "Well, I just auditioned for the band."

"Well, that's wonderful." Nat looked at you, a glint in her eyes. "You should tell (y/n) some more about how that audition went." Nat winked at you and walked away.

Smooth, Nat. Real smooth.

You sighed.

"So, (y/n), huh?" his voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah, listen I gotta go get started on my work," you told him, unsure that you wanted to be around the handsome man with such an intoxicating presence. "But I'll see you around if you make the auditions."

"What do you do here?"

"Today I'm supposed to listen to the auditions tapes with the members of the band and we decide if the people auditioning make it."

"Ah, well then put in a good word for me, will ya love?" sending me a wink and a charming grin.

You laughed a little, almost tempted to do that just to spite a certain someone. "Sorry, can't do that. Now I really have to go, but good luck."

You walked to the sound room where everyone was gathering, Not noticing a certain blonde haired, blue eyed man whose gaze was full of envy as he watched your interaction with the handsome stranger.

•••••

Steve gritted his teeth, watching as you laughed lightly at the man who had auditioned.

Why the fuck is she with that little shit?

Anger clouding his mind before quickly turning into shame because he knew exactly why.

He had cheated on her.

Fucked up the best relationship he'd ever had just because he felt like he could get away with it unscathed.

He never thought she'd find out.

Never thought she'd leave him.

And he had always thought that if she did find out she'd get mad for a day then they'd make up and everything would go back to normal.

What an idiot he had been.

Especially thinking such a betrayal of trust wouldn't harm the relationship between you.

Just seeing her smile at that man, knowing that if he hadn't screwed up he would be the one she smiled at. You hadn't allowed him to visit you, you'd blocked him in every digital area you could, and you hadn't appeared at work for two months.

All because he'd fucked up.

How different it would be if he hadn't been such a massive idiot...

He'd be the one who would get to stare into those gorgeous (e/c) eyes, full of humor and joy.

And at the end of the night he'd go home with you, cuddling with you in your bed as the two of you watched movies and fell asleep.

"Hey, man, you ok? You look a little out of it." Clint's voice snapping him out of his pity party.

"Yeah, I'm all good."

"Good, cause we have to hear the auditions tapes and you're gonna have to man up and face the music. We both know she'll be there," and with that he clapped him on the back and walked to the sound room.

Steve swallowed nervously as he stepped into the room, everyone going silent as eyes darted between him and (y/n). He looked at you, hopeful for some kind of reaction. He had called you dozens of times only for it to go straight to voicemail. And eventually you had changed your voicemail to, "if you are a cheating bastard don't even bother leaving a voice mail or I'll beat your ass, if not then I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

You looked up from your phone, looking at everyone. When your eyes landed on Steve, nothing different happened. No lingering gaze, just indifference in your eyes. And your best friend sitting next to you, glaring at him like he'd killed her puppy.

"Ok! Let's get this going." Tony cut the tension. "(y/n) you can give us your feedback first, then Natasha, then Clint, and yada yada yada. "

"Oh, actually I can't today." Your voice rang out in the room.

"What? Why?" Tony asked.

"I can't be impartial." You said, looking vaguely embarrassed at admitting that..

"Are one of them your friends?" Clint asked, jumping into the conversation, then taking a swig from the flask Natasha passed him.

"Well, no...but-"

"My girl got some action last night and doesn't trust her fair judgement when it comes to the hot Russian," Natasha said, grinning at you when you glared at her.

Steve's mind went blank. Natasha's sentence echoing in his head, he almost growled thinking about what she meant when she said, "action"

There's no way you.....

"Well, then get out of here. We don't need some girl in here talking about the 'action' she got, especially since she can't be useful." Steve said harshly. Everyone's faces snapped toward him, expressions from shock to anger painted across their faces. Tony stood up, his face painted with rage. But you grabbed his arm and gently tugged him down.

"Well, I'll see you all later, well those of you who aren't jealous pricks," you said. As you started to leave the room, you bent down to where he was sitting, whispering, "Green doesn't look good on you, Rogers." Then confidently strode out the door, but not before he saw your lip tremble and your eyes get glossy. Immediately he felt terrible, wondering why he always chose to be even more of a dick to you. Steve stood up and exited the room, hoping to apologize. But stepping outside, he only saw that same prick from earlier hugging you.

Steve clenched his jaw but didn't say anything, knowing that his actions caused this. He locked eyes with the guy, him glaring at Steve and Steve glaring right back.

"Hey, (y/n)...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that-"

"Then what did you mean?" you cut him off harshly as you let go of the man.

"I," he faltered, "I don't know."

"You don't know," you chuckled humorlessly. "You didn't know why you cheated on me either. Just go, Steve."

"No, I don't want to go."

"Then what do you want Steve, because obviously I've never been good for giving you what you want," you said, voice cold.

"I want you back! Ok? I want the late night cuddles, those soft morning kisses, and I want your face to be the first thing I see every morning. Please give me a chance?" Steve begged, knowing it wasn't fair of him to ask this from you but too selfish to care.

"How long?"

"How long what?" he questioned.

"How long were you cheating on me?"

"I-I always loved you-"

"Of course, and while you always loved me you were cheating on me for how long?" Your eyes were filled with fire and your voice ice. "I'm guessing 2 months when you stopped telling me you loved me. God, I should've seen it."

When he opened his mouth to try to say something, you just continued. "And Steve I won't give you a chance because you had yours and you threw it into the fire, not caring how much it burned me."

[recurring-polynya]

*raises hand slowly* major fan, love your work! I actually only recently discovered your Bleach works in the last few years and I think I've reread all of them at least 3 times. But after reading your "The Greatest Family in Soul Society" series, I've been wanting to ask: How do you think they reacted/handled the aftermath of events in the Bleach Special One-Shot? Specifically Ichika, who possibly for the first time witnessed one of her parents in legitimate danger?

But anyway, CONGRATS ON 1 MIL!!! YOU DESERVE IT! :)

Thank you very much!! 💕

So for starters, if the Hell Arc every actually becomes a thing, I strongly suspect that this will be get addressed on-screen. Kubo clearly intended both Ichika and Kazui to have prominent (although probably not protagonist-level) roles. If this happens, Rukia and Renji will probably either handle this in some terrible way that causes Ichika to feel like she has to go against them and redeem herself or they'll get, like, trapped in Hell or something and she and Kazui will have to go rescue them. It is incredibly rare to see good relationships between parents and their children portrayed in fiction, and my expectations are on the floor for this one.

I talked to my husband about this for a long time this morning because I couldn't think of a single example of a good parent-child relationship in media where both characters have roughly equal narrative weight, and he couldn't either. Usually, the choices are a) parents dead or out of the picture, b) parents are awful and selfish and learn the error of their ways, or b2) generational trauma, which is the same, but parents bad behavior is excused because their parents did it to them. There is also c) stoic parent with lifelong duty raises stoic child to fulfill the same duty, which is the best of the lot, but it's still not great. It's also not really Renruki's style, especially because they've got Byakuya right there as an example of what being raised like this does to a person. 

Maybe Kubo will come up with something interesting, though! I would love to see it if he did!

With all that out of the way, I'll lay out how I think it should go, or how it would go if I were writing it, I guess.

For starters, we are still in a shounen anime. Bleach plays the "young person witnesses an act of violence and is saved" card constantly. As anime goes, I think Bleach actually does a fairly decent job of acknowledging the trauma that goes along with this, but it's also usually deployed as a thing that spurs the "witness" character to want to get stronger. Furthermore, the witness character usually has no sort of support system and receives no comfort after the fact--Kensei saves child-Shuuhei and then calls him a wuss before peacing-out. I doubt Shin'ou had any sort of trauma support group for Renji, Momo, Izuru and Shuuhei after their disaster fieldtrip --in all likelihood, the attitude was more like "wow, you got to see Captain Aizen in action, how lucky for you!" Even in the aftermath of the scene where Renji rescues Jinta and Ururu, Jinta is shown sitting by himself rather than seeking comfort from either of his "parents" (who, granted, are focused on healing Ururu).  That one has an added bonus ofJinta-has-always-treated-Renji-extremely-disrespectfully and then Renji saves him and gets gored pretty gruesomely.

In contrast, Rukia and Renji have both been on the "witnessed the trauma" side of this before, and never had adult figures in their life to help them process anything. They lost and buried three friends before they even went to shinigami school. I think they know how much that sucked and how much damage it did to them psychologically and would be pretty sensitive to what Ichika is feeling. It's actually kind of funny because if they hadn't gone through a lot of trauma together, they might just be stoic about it and think that maybe their own kid should just suck it up, but they were definitely able to see how much it affected the other one. Like, part of the reason they even had a kid was to try to make up for the shitty childhood the other one had to go through.

Rukia and Renji probably run a pretty weird household because on one hand, they spent their own childhood taking care of themselves and making their own decisions and living with the consequences. They did a lot of actual crime, like a lot. Trying to tell their kid what to do would feel like a weird overreach to them. On the other hand, they're soldiers, so they are used a formal discipline system where sometimes you get punished because that's how you learn and make up for your mistakes. Overall, though, I think they respect Ichika as a person they are trying to guide to adulthood, much the way you guide a green recruit into becoming a strong officer. Yeah, she shouldn't have snuck along on a mission for lieutenants, and now she knows why. They're probably still going to yell at her and make her sweep the yard or something, but that's she's their kid, and they know that waiving the punishment would make her feel even worse.

Also, while this may be the first time Ichika has witnessed her dad getting stabbed (and it may not be), it's not like this idea is new to her. I'm sure Rukia and Renji have come home with injuries before, or not come home, and she had to go visit them at the Coordinated Relief Station, or possibly had even go stay with Uncle B for a while. (Uncle B, whose own father actually did die in the line of duty and I've read at least one fanfiction where he was there). A thing I like about Rukia and Renji as characters is that they respect each other's decisions about what danger they are willing to walk into. If they err, it's generally on the side of not stopping each other enough, and I think that is both very stupid and very charming of them. It speaks to the overinflated confidence they have in each other, and also I am tired to death of overprotectiveness being spun as romantic, when 90% of the time it's just patronizing or selfish.

I guess to sum up, I'd say I would like to see Ichika come out of this with more respect for the gravity of her parents' job (vs. the 'dad and Ikkaku went to have fun without me no faaaaaiiirrr' attitude she started the one-shot with). It is interesting that she was able to see the Hell-guys when the lieutenants weren't able to. I hope that isn't something that just gets dismissed (and if nothing else, I think this is a case where Kyouraku as Head-Captain would be like "no I want to hear this" where Yamamoto would have been like "I don't listen to children!") I would prefer to see her get included in the action intentionally, where she's nervous about it, but trying to put up a front of bravado (both because she doesn't want anyone to know how much it scared her seeing her dad get stabbed trying to protect her and also because this is peak Young-Rukia-and-Renji behavior). Seeing what her parents are like on the job, realizing they're both extremely cool but also huge doofuses, and slowly gaining real confidence in herself because they show confidence in her would be a pretty refreshing story, imo.

[lemonandlime22]

Hellooo congrats on your 1000+ followers!! For your milestone event could you do C D V and Z with Deuce please! <3~

Thank you sm dear! and you said platonic so-

Deuce Spade (Platonic)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comfort: Now, Deuce is not good with words, he has no clue what to say when your upset, so he ends up getting you things instead, like water, snacks, a blanket, and anything he thinks could help. Poor baby would also be so worried about you. At first, he wouldn't come to you for much of anything, especially not comfort. But as your friendship progresses, he would definitely start going to you for help and comfort, like hugs, head pats, and reassuring words.

Dance: It's canon that he can not, for the life of him, dance but that does not stop him from having fun at yall's hangouts. if you put on a record, usually Ace will be the first to start dancing, then pull deuce in, then deuce will pull you into it too. He enjoys dancing with you guys, even when Ace makes fun of him, he still likes it.

Value: He values the closeness, the fact that you have each other's backs no matter what, and not just with you, but the whole friend group too. Knowing that your always there for him means more than you know.

Zzz: For the most part, he's on the heavy sleeper side of things, though if he has a bad dream or if he went to bed after something happened overblot then he'd be a pretty light sleeper. He has a tendency to cuddle things in his sleep but at the same time he starfishes a lot, so he's kinda an oxymoron with that.

I can definitely see him snoring so loud the Diasomnia dorm could hear him, so rip your sleep when you sleep in the same bed. If he has a bad dream he'll probably hold your hand for comfort, knowing someone else is there with him helps when he's scared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1,300 followers event (Fluff alphabet)

Event masterlist

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Hey so about SPD - I think I have complications from it still, my kid is like a year old. Do you have any advice on dealing with that?

Hi yes! It's funny because so much of my tumblr is Marvel fandom but I forget how some of my "indignities of gestating" posts break containment. Hi friend! Congrats on your one year old. What a sweet age!

So, to everyone who may read: when you make a whole baby inside your musculoskeletal system and especially if you eject it vaginally (well probably c-sections too I just don't know about them) it's not surprising that some of your body parts end up in the wrong place as a side effect. I do NOT UNDERSTAND why assessing for such issues is not standard. It makes me SO ANGRy. So yes I will now overshare about my experience.

You may want a chiropractor to realign your pelvis/hips/spine/etc post partum, I did this and I believe it helped. It may take 2-3 visits if things are really out of whack. If the chiro doesn't give you exercises to strengthen in addition to realignment, then I would get thee to a physical therapist next. Or do PT first if you have to choose.

Physical therapy, specifically strengthening your thighs, hips and pelvic floor I would guess, may help. You (everyone!) should find a PT that knows things about post partum bodies, which is not every physical therapist. I ended up going to a person who specialized in pelvic floor weakness after my first kid and then I had diastasis recti, which is when your ab muscles separate, as well as pelvic floor drama, after the second.

Both times I was able to find a PT with post partum experience by just calling the larger PT places in town and asking for that.

Fyi: Diastasis recti: (If you tense your ab muscles and push down right above or below your belly button, those muscles should not have a gap wider than a finger or so there, if they do that's diastasis recti and physical therapy will help). (Fwiw I didn't know I had DR but I went to the PT for crippling back pain figuring something was broken and hey! that's what it was. Fun story but my second kid was born 10 lbs and then doubled in size like immediately and oh my god. Sometimes I see one year olds that are the size my monster was at 3 months. I still remember trying to fit him in a newborn size diaper at the hospital and he just busted out of it. The nurses were so excited to weigh him when he was born because they had bets on if he would top 10 lb. When the midwife was checking my abdomen to feel his position while I was in labor, she said in alarm, "how tall are you??" i said "about 6 ft." And she said, "wow! Your baby is really huge!"

That entire human was IN MY BODY and yes, he left a trail of damage. (I love him)

My point is, most of my issues were fixed within 8 physical therapy visits. EIGHT. Miracle.

Pelvic floor: My pelvic floor muscles were so fucked over after baby #1, which I think can link with SPD, that I couldn't feel that I couldn't exercise them. This caused me a lot of issues.

So the PT hooked me up to a machine that let me see when I actually was or was not stimulating those muscles and then I was eventually strong enough to be able to do kegels and a bunch of other things. It was miraculous. I should find that woman and send her flowers as I am grateful for her help literally every time I sneeze or cough or walk up stairs (because I don't pee or have severe pain when I do those things.)

If you don't have access to physical therapy, then you might look up the SPD exercise of squeezing a can between your knees, which was my favorite. The Yoga pose bridge (with can between your knees) was also great.

As well as doing anything to gently strengthen your thighs, hips and core. Gentle yoga will help a lot, and probably not make anything worse, and well as squats and leg lifts.

Everything is all wibbly wobbly and timey wimey (wait that's the tardis) and a safe bet is slowly making things from your knees to your belly button stronger.

The safest bet is to have an actual professional diagnose what's happening. If you are really out of alignment, the muscle strengthening isn't going to help, and if your muscles are off balance (like when my pelvic floor muscles were so weak) strengthening around it can exascerbate the imbalance and increase back pain.

I really hate taking care of myself and doing maintenance but a lot of this is fixable with just a couple visits.

So please don't suffer another year without checking in with a professional. Because you deserve to have answers and live pain free. ❤️❤️❤️ Please feel free to comment/chat if you have questions.

[rabbitholeresearch]

The Diagnosis of Chris Redfield

It all began in the spring of 1998. Raccoon City had a case of cannibalistic murders and mysterious animal attacks, both on hikers and residents that lived near Raccoon Forest. The city’s police department guess a satanic cult of some kind, probably on narcotics of some kind, given the extent of the violent attacks. However, as the investigation continued, they guessed the base of operations for this cult was somewhere deep within Arklay Mountains, about northwest of the city. With public pressure, the RPD gave in to and put a specialized task force on the team known as the Special Tactics and Rescue Service, AKA S.T.A.R.S., led by Captain Albert Wesker.

Shortly after STARS is put on the case, they send Team Bravo into the suspected hideout deep within said mountains in the mid-summer. Radio contact is lost. Alpha Team went in, finding out that Bravo was attacked, and fled into the mansion and split up.

And it’s here. It is here that young Chris Redfield’s life takes a turn for the worst. Without getting too into detail, he straight up is thrown from the world of a young cop who just had fun little shooting competitions with his friends, to a gritty, beefcake, boulder punching man who lost his memory at one point due to a concussion caused by a fake Ada Wong, regains those memories, and eventually finds the origins of Oswald Spencer’s research and destroys the origination of the Mold.

But that’s just it. How does he stay this cool, badass character that just shows up and sprays down zombies like it’s nothing? Well...he doesn’t. I think the leader of the Alpha team has severe PTSD.

Please note that this post will be talking about severe trauma from a psychiatric perspective so please, if you see or think anything might affect you, I beg you to turn away. This post will also have spoilers for the recent Resident Evil 8 game for those that haven’t played.

–

So let’s start by defining PTSD. According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD is and I quote: “A psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, or war/combat.”

Okay so at the very least, Chris Redfield is probably already a qualified patient. “Terrorist act”? Check. I would absolutely say that the events of Resident Evil 6 count as that. “War/Combat”? We saw that for the most part in RE5. “Natural Disaster?” Aaaaah. Maybe six or seven? That one’s kinda weird to be honest. But serious accident? Yes. Absolutely! Why? Because, referenced in Resident Evil 5, we see Jill Valentine, who is basically his sidekick/best friend from the very first game, and even survives on her own for a bit in Resident Evil 3, falls out of a window after attacking Albert Wesker who betrayed STARS and was infected with some form of the zombie virus. Chris presumed her death, only to find out she survived the fall through, ya know, video game logic, and was experimented on by Wesker.

Which honestly, I was surprised he didn’t come back too. I mean, in Resident Evil 5, his last hoorah is literally in a freaking volcano! What is up with that?! But his son, Jake Muller (who until RE6 didn’t even know who his dad was), appeared and I really expected Wesker to just pop up like “Hey son. I’m back with those smokes. Also, you’re immune to the C-Virus so congrats. My zombie body helped make you with your mom--” Alright that got too weird. ANYWAY.

We’re here because Chris, in all fairness, has trauma. But let’s try and figure this out. The A.P.A. states that PTSD symptoms, though they can vary in specificity, fall into four categories:

Intrusion

Avoidance

Alterations in cognition and mood

Alteration in arousal and reactivity

Now I will say I actually have PTSD of my own. Avoidance and Intrusion are absolutely symptoms I got through, as well as Cognition and Mood alterations when triggered.

Something I noticed is Chris definitely doesn’t avoid anything so we can go ahead and cross that off. Chris Redfield always dives in headfirst cuz well...he’s the American Boy. He’s the definition of charge in and be the American hero because human lives are at stake so the second one is crossed off.

Now the third one, Cognitions and Mood. This basically means important details of events aren’t remembered, everything’s kinda blurred, which results in detached behavior and Survivor’s Guilt. Now while Survivor’s Guilt is often a result of PTSD, it isn’t a form of PTSD. It’s just another symptom. It’s basically kinda like when you eat way, way too many blue gummy bears and then your poop is blue. It’s blue because of the gummy bears. If you didn’t have the Gummy Bear, you don’t have the blue poop. 

Fun fact, that’s an actual thing that happened to my dad one Easter, but I think it might’ve actually been jelly beans. I can’t really remember.

Survivor’s Guilt could very well be something Chris suffers from, dating all the way back to the Mansion Incident in the first Resident Evil. He was one of few people who survived that entire incident and what happened afterward? Did he take a mental health break? Nope! Chris takes on a mission in Europe, as seen in Resident Evil 2 when Claire is going to Raccoon City to try and find her brother. 

Now let’s think about this. Rather than rest and recover from this event, he proceeds to pursue his investigation of the Umbrella Corporation. Chris is treated at the hospital and, despite trying to report their findings to the police chief, Irons, STARS is ultimately shut down. Chris then reports everything he needs to the FBI and even assaults a fellow officer.

The RPD tells Chris he needs a break and he says he’s going to Europe for a “vacation” but this was just an excuse to get to Europe in order to enact his vengeance on Umbrella for all the Hell it caused his city and possibly even the world.

That’s nuts. I wish I could do that at my work and get away with it. Just fight someone on the shift and then go to Corporate armed with nothing but a fry basket, ready to take them out.

This leads me to that fourth category: Alterations in arousal and reactivity. This is defined as reckless or self-destructive behavior, angry outbursts, hypervigilance, and even trouble sleeping.

This is entirely reckless. I mean, I get it. Going rogue because this company is obviously evil and has a hand in bio-terrorism. Yeah. That’s fair. Let’s take them out. But if only it were that easy, as we can see throughout the franchise. Despite Umbrella BARELY hiding their attempts at world domination, as seen in RE6, no one really flinches. They’re somehow still in the running.

Having said that, in Resident Evil 4, three years after RE3, Leon actually says in the introduction that Umbrella was wiped out by the investigation. Without digging into this, I’m presuming this is because Jill managed to escape Raccoon City and was able to report her findings as one of five survivors, six if you count Ada Wong. Which does make me wonder how they’re still hanging around like a more gruesome Team Rocket.

And the last category is Intrusive. Now, this is where this unravels, actually. Intrusive is basically intrusive thoughts. Those little thoughts or images that flash through just enough to unsettle you and if you’re like me and have diagnosed OCD, then you play these thoughts over and over in your head.

It’s like you want to go to the park. Okay, great, the park is outside. Nice. The outside is where people are. People aren’t that great, in my perspective. Bad people exist. Bad people like to hurt people. I’m a people that could be hurt by a bad person. Because of that, I can’t go to the park now. 

It’s like being stuck in a loop that wants you to be sad. Like, thank you brain. I just wanted to get stuck in the baby swing but now I’m going to sit on my phone and scroll through TikTok and be sad.

Intrusive thoughts are what had me curious. The intrusive category is actually where most people are commonly confused about what PTSD is as this is where we find that flashbacks fall into. A great example of a flashback in Resident Evil is actually in the fifth game. This is where Jill Valentine doesn’t really become Chris’ partner. We learn that during the last bout, they had against Wesker is where she’d fallen out the window as I mentioned earlier. This is explained in a flashback.

That’s interesting to me. Yes, from a storytelling perspective, it makes sense, but Chris remembers such vivid details, even Wesker’s eyes glowing.

But what’s interesting is, this event, in particular, seemed to affect Chris the most. Despite that his sister has been kidnapped by people affiliated with both Umbrella and Wesker, Jill’s “death” shook him up the most, which is fair. His best friend and partner throughout the entire thing, someone he shared his trauma with and even started the BSAA with was just gone. No even a body. Three months and nothing was found before she was declared dead. He dove into his work head-on, taking every mission he could!

This is why he takes deaths so personally. This is also shown in Resident Evil 6 when Piers, a young soldier who looked up to Chris and helped find him after he lost his memory after an incident with a fake Ada Wong, is infected with the zombie virus, he holds onto his humanity in order to save Chris, but ultimately does die in the underwater lab facility, supposedly by water pressure before losing his mind to the virus.

The former Alpha Team consisted of the following:

Chris Redfield

Albert Wesker

Barry Burton

Brad Vickers

Jill Valentine

Joseph Frost

All members of the original team that infiltrated the Spencer Mansion in RE1. Let’s go ahead and cross some people off.

Wesker? Dead as of Resident Evil 5. Good. Stay dead. You suck! You’re like the Capcom version of Ganondorf, just stay dead, dude!

Burton?  Alive, but hasn’t appeared in a main RE game since the first.

Vickers? Dead as of the third installment of the game. He was the pilot who sacrificed himself after being bitten during the attempted escape from Nemesis in Raccoon City before the place was blown sky-high. You actually see him later again in the third game attacking the cop you meet in the second Resident Evil, interestingly enough, but what’s sad really is that he still has some semblance of his humanity and ends up groaning out the cop’s name before attacking and infecting that man. Poor guy. Really was just a poor soul.

Moving on. Jill Valentine? Still alive and definitely kicking but she’s become more of an iconic character for the movies. So from a lore perspective, as of the end of 5, she is no longer in the main series that we’ve seen. Mostly just referenced. This might change however later on as I do believe there will be a ninth installment coming soon if not already in the works as of writing this.

Frost? Dead. He was actually the first to die as soon as they touched down at Spencer Mansion, by zombie-dogs, no less. He stood no chance.

That means, of the original team, Chris is the only one still active. This means that he is the most trained to handle situations from a tactical perspective, but not an emotional one.

I mean, we see him really weighing the whole situation in Resident Evil 8. He’s seen smoking a cigarette, clearly stressed out and tired of dealing with everything, despite creating an Anti-Umbrella team called Blue Umbrella. Yeah. Not that creative, my guy. But he’s tired of hearing and seeing people die which...is fair.

I’d say he does have PTSD and it is Survivor’s Guilt.

Yes, he and his team are ready to die, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s losing people he’s had long nights with, sharing beer, shooting pool, busting bad scientists with, and he still loses them.

In the military, a soldier doesn’t fear his own death but the death of his comrades.

Survivor’s Guilt is really just a terrible thing. I’d say actually several characters in the Resident Evil franchise have this, including poor Mia Winters!

Chris might have it but uses it to his advantage. He uses the knowledge he’s gained from staying alive in an attempt to help others stay alive and ultimately bring down the Umbrella Coorporation.

Ultimately, Chris Redfield seems to be wanting to make up for the lives lost to this organization.

Research links:

Coping with survivor’s guilt: https://artherapyinternational.org/blog/traumatic-events-coping-with-survivors-guilt-afterwards/

What is PTSD?  https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd

Chris Redfield Bio https://residentevil.fandom.com/wiki/Chris_Redfield#Biography

Symptoms of Survivor’s Guilty: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325578#symptoms

[danses-with-dogmeat]

AHHHH CONGRATS ON 1.5K!!! Ive been reading your writing for years, and i always love seeing your events. Would you write 🐍 🐕 for butch? first or last name, its totally up to you 🥳🥳

THANK YOU!!! <3 And omg YEARS!? That's crazy ( I actually can't believe that I've been doing this for years now, it feels like it's still so new, even though it all started for me in 2021 😅😅)

And yes! Here's an alphabet for Mr. Deloria. (even though I actually went with his first name for this, lol).

B) Baby. Do they want a family? Why/why not?

He's not thinking about a family now, so early in both your lives, but down the road... who knows? The ex-vault dweller could definitely stand to see a few little baby Butches running around in miniature Tunnel Snake jackets. But he tends not to plan too far ahead. If it happens, he's happy about it, and you'll make it work, but if not? That's cool too. Plenty to do and see in this big world, whether or not kids are involved, that's just details.

U) Understanding. How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Say what you will about Butch, but he knows his partner, inside and out. He grew up with you, he knows what you were like in every phase of your life, he grew up knowing the same people as you, living through the same experiences, and when he escapes the vault too? He takes the time to get to know this new you as well.

Butch is actually very sensitive to your emotions and understands your preferences to a T. Even to the point that he can guess what's bugging you before you even really know. Whether or not you remember the exact date, he knows exactly when you were driven from the vault, and he understands that you may be emotional on that day. The same goes for good days too, and for your favorite foods, what you might be allergic to... yeah, Butch may not always seem it, and he definitely doesn't realize it himself, but he knows damn near everything about you.

T) Thrill. Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? 

Oh, Butch likes to spice it up. He's been dealing with routines since he was born, and he's hated them just as long. Getting out of the vault was one of the best-- if not scariest-- things he's ever done, but now? Now he can actually live a little. Jump off the rails on the outside of Rivet City into the ocean, kiss you while you're hold up during a rad storm, give a ghoul a haircut, raid the liquor cabinet at Moriarty's Saloon and run naked through Megaton in the dead of night. Whatever, just live! Butch is "here for a good time", and all that.

C) Cuddle. Do they like to cuddle and show affection? How?

He's guilty of being a big cuddler. Don't tell Wally Mack or Paul, but... when he's not out kicking ass and being a Tunnel Snake, Butch loves to take little sunlit naps with you, or throw his leg over yours under the table, or wrap an arm around you as you walk. His cuddle of choice though, is when he can lay over you with his head resting on your chest while you idly play with his hair... Never fails to put him into the best sleep ever.

H) Honesty. Are they honest with their s/o? How important is it to them in a relationship? 

Okay, he's not always honest in the relationship, but when that's the case, it's always just some stupid shit. He'll lie about eating the last of your favorite snacks, or whether or not he thinks you look hot in those weird jeans, or telling you how good his new experimental haircut came out when he tried it on you... Yeah, he doesn't really be too malicious or conniving with it. Usually he just lies to cover his own ass on something that's ultimately inconsequential. So, it's not a deal breaker or anything for him either. He gets it if you lie every once in awhile, just so long as it stays pretty innocent.