#he watched me super today
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Saved this as a draft a few days ago. Tumblr fucked up my last post, so I will post Pusheen instead.🩵🫧💦
#he watched me super today#just opened the curtain#and sat there#while I fucking squirmed#one of these days#I will have my confidence back#and I will shake my butt at him or something#lol#or something#I love looking at him#but when he looks back at me#I'm like that is too intense#you're gonna have to put that away#it's his eyes#I look at them and just want to cry#not necessarily a bad cry#just a feely cry#because I really love him a lot
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okay I'm gonna watch arcane s2
#I made my dad watch the first season with me so I was gonna wait and ask him if he wanted to watch s2#and just spend today doing smth productive instead#but my attention span for productive things is horrible and so is my fomo and I don't remember my dad getting super into arcane anyway
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Imagine. TFP but there was an ancient spirit/deity living in the Star Sabre.
Bee, after the fight at the Omega Lock, can't remember anything that happened after picking up the Star Sabre for the first time. His memories only set back in once he pulls Optimus back up onto the platform.
None of the Autobots discuss it either. The only thing they told him is that he killed Megatron. But they refuse to elaborate beyond "you grabbed the star sabre, jumped down, stabbed Megatron & saved Optimus".
Bee himself is not even aware of the hole in his memories at first. But then Raf starts asking questions about the fight and Bee always answers with the same sentence. "You know... it was a real doozie, but I got... lucky, I guess."
The first time Ratchet hears Bee say that, he flinches violently and then pretends like that is absolutely normal behaviour. No, you did not just see him crunch his incredibly fragile medical equipment. It's always looked like this.
Optimus also starts acting odd towards Bee. He can't quite look him in the eye but keeps observing him from a distance. They've also stopped their philosophical discussions (yes; I'm going to insert my headcanon that Optimus and Bee watch ATLA together and then use it as a jumping off point to discuss Cybertronian philosophy and culture into everything).
None of the bots would admit it, but all of them are doing their best to keep Bee confined to the base. He is barely out on patrol anymore. It gets even worse once they are back on Cybertron because now he doesn't even get out to pick up Raf anymore. He's always kept busy indoors. Not even Smokescreen wants to sneak out with him.
Still, no one wants to answer his questions about what happened at the OmegaLock. He tries to corner Smokescreen and Bulkhead about it because they are the weakest link when it comes to resisting Bee, his shenanigans and questions, but neither of them budge.
And then Bee starts noticing other signs of change. Sometimes, his optics will suddenly just burn brighter. Bright enough to illuminate dark rooms or reflect on metal surfaces around him. Sometimes he is no longer sure that they're really blue.
Then, one night, he has a dream. He is lying somewhere, prone on his belly, unable to move and incredibly tired. It's hard to comprehend anything that's going on. His surroundings are bathed in blue (?) light and he can't see him, but he can feel Optimus being there, incredibly tense as he stands in between Bee and something that's so old it should have dissolved into dust eons ago. Optimus and the thing are talking but he can only gauge snippets of their conversations before something soothes him back into deep recharge. Last thing he hears is Optimus' yelling his name.
Then he wakes up at the entrance of their base, Optimus and Ratchet waiting for him as he returns from a drive. He has no clue where he went. Or why they look at him as if he was a ghost. Until he checks his internal chronometer and realises that the equivalent of a week has passed.
And when he asks what's going on, Optimus just pulls him into a hug and holds him for a long time, not saying anything.
#damn#it's a shame I can't start another WIP right now xD#I'd also need to figure out what exactly is going on#spirit didn't do anything to OP because he's protected by the Matrix#hm... i'd need to figure out what exactly the spirit wants with/from Bee though#maybe it's somehow connected to Primus and wants to revive Cybertron?#or maybe that's just what it says it wants#mh... who knows...#need to think about this#also - can you tell that I watched stuff about ghosts today#just to be clear: Bee still died. It's just different. he also did not get his voicebox back. and he doesn't know he died.#uh... I'm so setting this onto my list of possible future fics#transformers#bumblebee#also - why is smokescreen not the possessed one?#1 - didn't die#2 - most importantly: not the special blorbo of this blog#putting him through the horrors is just not super interesting to me#3 - maybe some protection put onto him from Alpha Trion?#fic ideas#tfp#horror esque#possession
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I have been trying to get Echo comfortable with the crate slowly. I have been trying to prepare her for me being away from the house for work during the day eventually. Unfortunately, it's not going well at all, and I am gonna have to just start crating her when I am gone for more than an hour. I can't let her keep destroying stuff. I know she is scared of being in the crate. But this is not gonna work. I do not have the ability to keep doing this slowly. Not when she does things like this. I was only gone for less than 6 hours. And it's not like she's destroying the whole house. She also doesn't do this every time I leave. It seems arbitrary. One time, she even did it when I was gone for 10 minutes, and literally right before I had left, we had gone for a run. And it's always small, inexpensive things. But the muzzle was the last straw. That's a major inconvenience for me now.
#barkin up some trees#i feel like i cannot go anywhere#like at all#i am basically trapped at home or i have to take my dog with me#and like she is mostly fine when i leave!!!!#sometimes she just picks something small to chew up and leave by the front door#i cant spend evenings with my boyfriend at his house because of thus#*this#and i feel bad because we are ALWAYS at my house#my dogs dictate literally everything#i am going to spend christmas alone for the first time this year because i have no family and my boyfriends family is out of town#so he will be away and i will be here alone because i cant take the dogs along and i have nobody to take care of them for me#i had such an awful fucking day at work today#and this just really isnt what i needed#i cant deal with this properly when i am stressed and upset#i am mad at her rn#i am really mad at her#and she knows it#shes super sensitive to my emotions#i cannot hide it from her#its also hard to hide it when i was already so over my own threshold for the day#i feel so fucking awful today#and boyfriend made a nice supper and we watched a movie and cuddled and it was so nice and i was able to relax#but then the moment i come in the door its all ruined#if it had been something else i wouldnt have been as upset#this sucks
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i just wanna thank all u guys for following me over here bc im still going thru the feeling of devastation over my main blog 😭 </3 but i know i would feel so much worse if i were going thru it alone and nobody knew what happened to me. so it means a lot
#💾#ive remade of my own volition before and it sucked bc sooo many people never followed me back LMAO#but im glad most of my mutuals are over here to watch me liveblog my breakdowns. some things never changed#im just sad and confused bc i wanted to make gifs today but now i feel like :( oh#and theres so many gifsets on my old blog i was super proud of#but i guess if i dont hear anything back at the end of the week ill start rb'ing stuff to archive it...#and see if i can at least free my url from purgatory because having lucaanis sniped is such a huge blow to me#it seems silly but im already attached to being tumblr user lucaanis 😭🖤💜 he became a comfort character so fast#today has been. a day
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And I know the angels tonight are as lost for words
As I am to merely behold you as we lie down together
Drag me under again
Deep in to your love
#good morning tumblr this is the mood for today 🥺#Drag Me Under my favourite most specialest girl#if i get super in my feels today just ignore it guys. i think i'm due a nice cry 👍#we're watching ftrb tonight for sure#imagine being loved like this. the GODS?? will ABANDON ?? THE HEAVENS ??? *just* to find US???#like damn. saying “i love you” pales in comparison to whatever this is#say what you want but Vessel was definitely going through it when he wrote Sundowning. people just don't talk like that for no reason#like. fuck man. that guy is literally made out of music and love and warm sunlight. i'm-#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#drag me under honey no one gets you like i do babygirl 💙#someone hold my poor soluble heart cus it's being dissolved in tears 🥺💔#drag me under#drag me under mention#sleep token#darya's mixtape#Spotify
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Not watching arcane because from the little I know about that one guy I think I will like him too much and go insane over him and I can't really do that right now.
#androgynous. vaguely(?) slavic. becomes jesus. all traits that I greatly admire#I'm afraid I'm already failing in the not getting involved department because. well.#I'm reading fanfiction for a show I never watched for a ship I don't really care about because I was curious.#like what do you mean he's slavic. I thought this is fantasy land.#a little amusing to watch people try to use russian pet names via google translator and failing. badly (not in a mean way)#I've read (yet to finish) such a good fic today. I never read much for fandom I'm not familiar with this is actually super fun.#I'll most definitely like jinx also and she'd make me so so sad and I know like almost nothing of her. ughhhh#faksyan talks#faksyan talks arcane
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pspspspsss... ari..... ily........... i hope you're doing soso good and i hope uni isn't being too tough on you....... pls remember to take care of yourself...... and sleep.... and drink tea........ kiss kiss kiss<33 - @teddybeartoji
MICKEY ………………
pspspsps…….. i love you lots . thank u for the sweet words i am gnawing at you gently. I’M DOING PRETTY WELL just busy busy busy …. but it’s not 2 bad…….. and i’m doing lots of fun stuff this week :3 just need to . finish writing … this introduction to an academic study ….,, haha …..,,,,,,,
NO BUT . i’m doing well & resting lots & eating/drinking lots…… it better be the same for you mickey!!! be nice to yourself plspls <33 here is a cup of warm tea just for you….. 🍵 drink up!!!!!
#kisses you kisses you kisses you#i’m honouring loserville by going to the cinema again this week hehe#i’m gna watch the spy x family movie w my older brother n sister on friday :33#ANDDD we’ve all been watching a new anime that i think you’d rlly like mickey…. the meowmeow girl above is the mc she’s so good#the apothecary diaries!!! is the name. it’s super good. i’m only on ep 6 but i’m obsessed#u would love jinshi he’s a silly loserboy prettyboy (also kairo’s favorite man on this planet and u can always trust kairo’s taste)#i think i’m gonna check out the dub today bc niku told me jinshi’s eng va is kaiji fucking tang and i Need him.#ANYWAY ily mickey 🥺🥺 ty for checking in 🥺🥺🥺 i hope the weather is a little bit better across the sea…….#and i hope u get to watch a good movie this week too <33333#ask tag ✩#mickey !! ✩
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my ass is NOT focused on the plot rn
#ash rambles 💚#one to ten 🩺#my ass is focused on his sexy nose#he's so handsome..#dont get me wrong. I'm sad his life fell apart#but#him growing out his hair was SUCH a good choice#his hair is just sooo pretty and it frames his face so well! i#soooooo prettyyyy! he's so handsome!!!!#he's a really well written character and holy shit he has impacted me so much#but also#holy shit he's so hot#he has this air of sad and pathetic about him#and oh my god...#😳😳😳😳#anyways I'm gonna keep watching his series now#i've been bingeing it. I'm making really good progress-#my day today was just. watch the series. go to the gym. watch more. then watch some d.ragon ball. and then watch more m.onster-#handsome t.enma...#sir i know your last relationship didn't really work out..#..... but i could treat you so much better-#questionable life decisions aside i don't hate his ex. however i would not be treating him like that- he's so awesome!!!!! and kind!#and funny! and he's such a brilliant doctor!#and he's hot#I'm going on circles here#but. he's so hot#though it is very funny to me how he went from#being engaged to the super pretty and rich daughter of the director of the hospital he used to work at#to. well. dating this random broke ass very nerdy and awkward journalist (Ash) that has no friends other than a weird cat#good for him...?
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#so uh how bout that dom drop huh? gee it sure is smth#im fine now im good uh my sub - oh that's weird to say huh um but yeah he helped im good#but like whistles goddamn i wasn't expecting to cry today#but J helped and he's okay and im okay and we are looking after ourselves cs like. distance.#distance is good mostly cs i don't know if i could do any of this like. in person n stuff. but uh#idk i lost my train of thought im gonna go look in my fridge and eat something now#news just in: deeisace is actually called eddie and uhhhh not super ace aha#im good i have tea and my dressing gown and tv to watch#and my only plan today is laundry#like it's big new to me doing this being on this side of it y'know#anyway bye im gonna watch bbc hustle cs it makes me laugh
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To think I really thought the curse of this week was over yesterday when I got Brothership finally.
#RUNDOWN OF TODAY#scary midterm still working ln it have cried multiple times#downstairs neighbors started blaring the loudest music they could at the same time in two separate sides of the dorm#and ignored my roommate when he tried to ask them to stop#it caused me to have an entire panic attack in front of my roommates#uuuh my friend wants to watch a horror movie today and i don't do horror movies and no one asked me if i wanted to and i probably would have#said yes but no one asked me and it upset me and when i asked for further details when i found out yesterday i just got#“the thing she wanted to watch.” as a response (they were just repeating themself) which is annoying as fuck i have made it SUPER clear#making plans about me FOR me really annoys me#and i literally. right now. do not want to watch it. like i am literally at the point where i am finishing this midterm#and then I'm putting my earbuds in and playing my fucking video game.#i just had a panic attack i am no longer in people pleasing mode today especially when it's something i'm uncomfortable with and they KNOW#and this particular friend always backhandedly makes fun of me for easily getting paranoid cause she really likes horror and thrillers#and i fucking hate it we literally watched someone i told her has made me super paranoid before and she literally was like#“so when does this get scary?” and also didn't pay attention to it at all when we literally invited her over so she could watch it. so i am#not in the mood to return a favor she couldn't even do for me.
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computer fastest way to the joker lair NO freeways..... puter?!
#computer fastest way to not being exhausted all the time.....PUTER SAVE ME#im so#sorry not sorry im ranting in the tags rn#i havent had sex in so long#i wanted to hang wuth my partner this weekend FINALLY alone without having to fucking drive 7 hours to be alone and acutally ahve like no#plans and we get stuck with the baby and im so sick of being treated like an extra mother for him#i love him so much dont get me wrong but like..... why am i getting NONE in my relationship bc im too tired after dealing with him or the#teenagers and the one fucking time ive been looking forward too all week i get fucking dumped with the baby AGAIN#like i do not want kids for THIS EXACT REASON no fucking free time no fucking time for myself or my fucking hobbies or my fucking partner#i wanted to cut and dye my hair today after shopping i wanted to sit and fucking watch a movie and makeout with my partner and instead i ge#a sick toddler whos fucking sleeping like shit to worry about like GOD I WANT TO SCREAM#im just#so fucking done with kids and babies anf fucking children and i cant stand this house and all the noise and all the fucking mess and just#EVERYTHING it is everything i hate and i cant fucking do anything about it and i fucking CRIED bc i was so frustrated and i dont cry super#often not bc like i think its weak i just its not smth i do often and im just sick of my relationship having to go ont he backburner bc of#the baby and IM FUCKING ONLY 22!!!!!!!! LIKE WHY ARE THESE MY FUCKING PROBLEMS AT 22 WITH A KID THAT ISNT EVEN MIIIIIIIINE#okay i need to shut up sorry#tw: vent#tw: rant#「mercury speaks」
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7cddef91a5756250f96c881758e046e3/25f18f789c4d7b92-49/s640x960/af7b865c19d228d1edf4250c0fc66586163972e7.jpg)
heheheheh :3 (that’s his tongue out and then chewing on his hand)
#the bean#these are from like November but i finally FINALLY found someplace i could scan them today#god bless taxes and the fucking library#it was v cool. could see his hands and individual little fingers and toes and all. VERY freaky as well. but cool#he was super active. moving and grooving.#way different from 7 weeks when he was just a sea monkey. i mean i got to watch him eat his hand#we also knew he was a boy from the NIPT test but even tho he was only… 13 weeks in this?#the ultrasound tech was like oh yeah that’s a boy and flashed his hog. early developing hog i guess#technically making me the only one in the house with a full set#bc satchel doesn’t has his balls and Gilgamesh doesn’t have a foreskin. a fun Rama family fact for you#oh and the tech was impressed w how much pee i could hold. i asked her ‘do i have the biggest bladder you’ve ever seen’#and she paused and said. nobody has ever asked me that before.#and never answered :(
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Emerson, Lake and Palmer live at Lyceum Theatre, 1970 - a thirst trap edit
Music used here : Since I Got You - Marvin Gaye
#guess who made this during class today because i was super unmotivated with works and also bc i cannot draw anything#the night before my class today i watched a bunch of elp live vids to fall asleep and in the morning#i got an idea to make an edit for some of the vids i watched the previous night so we have this#its a bit wonky in some ways#but its now one of my favorite edit by me since it took me quite long to pick all the nice parts to put in this edit#im gonna blame everything to Keith emerson since hes the one that suddenly made hyperfixated back with elp again#hate you keet im biting you#my post#keith emerson#greg lake#carl palmer#emerson lake & palmer#my own edit/memes
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.
#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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I got a new baby snake and my left arm is covered in bites :)
#captains blog#snake#held in left hand so right arm was only strikable target#and as soon as they hit their own tail they stopped trying to bite#but only had them for 2 days and decked out their enclosure and they stopped striking at the glass#and after being out and held he started cruising and investigating his cage rather than smushing in the corner to watch#he was sold super cheap for being a v angry baby and first non-ball python for the og owner#she told me he was super agressive and she cant tame him down but yesterday vs today was already soooo much better#i expected for him to be glass striking for like the next week but a few handfulls of fake plans have seemed to solve it
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