#he wasn’t quite sure about ren at first but then he saw him bloody and hurt and put the pieces together

[akkivee]

unami has a habitual tell that shows when she’s hiding something that left a strong enough impression on kuukou that he still recognises it years and years later. i also think that ren scratching his cheek tipped kuukou off that ren was hiding the real reason his clothes got ripped upon their first meeting

there’s also a scene in the 2gumi hypquest event where jyushi hides his video game from kuukou (bc kuukou the bully stole jyushi’s game in the name of training in the previous hypquest event lmao) and kuukou is very displeased to see it lol what i’m saying is that kuukou is very very sensitive about being lied to esp when it’s something being kept from him

[bluebellhairpin]

Fight or Flight, Rider [7]

Poe Dameron X Pilot!Reader

A/N: This one... A rollercoaster it is. - Nemo

Warning(s): Mentions of Torture, Death, Blood, and Injuries. This could be triggering. Consider yourself warned. 

Summary: (y/n) is captured and tortured by the First Order. Poe doesn’t like this at all. But not everything is as it seams. 

Series Masterlist

Masterlist  

[Gif was sourced on Pinterest. Credit to thee maker!]

Poe couldn’t believe it. That should be him. Not you. 

He swore the rage running through him was enough to for him destroy the First Order all on his own. 

That mission was dangerous, and the likelihood of getting caught was too great, that’s why everyone toned it down when speaking to you. You were nervous enough about it as it was, the added threat wasn’t needed. But it was clear to Poe that you still should never have gone. 

He knew first hand what those people would do to get information out of Rebels, and it wasn’t nice, and it sure as hell wasn’t pretty. 

The energy in the room was tense from the moment you landed on that new ship, and chaos was a fraction from breaking out the moment you were dragged away kicking and screaming bloody murder - apparently you were no longer worried about the Troopers blasters. It took a little more than Leia raising her voice to get everyone to calm down, and it took even longer to get them to stop and listen. 

Even with Leia’s reassuring words and Rey constantly telling the room that Z2 would make sure everything would be alright, the curing in Poe’s stomach didn’t go away.

It took everything he had to stop, to listen, to not go jump in his X-Wing and blow many things up.

________

You were going to die here. You could just tell. You didn’t want to die. 

The time that had passed by was unknown to you. You just know enough time had passed for your body to ache like it never had before. 

You’d been pulled onto a room soon after you left Kylo, and then strapped to some upright table thing. You didn’t really care what it was called, you just knew it held your arms back at one of the most awkward and cramp-inducing angles you’d ever had the displeasure of enduring. 

At least they rid you of that horrible and tight-necked First Order jacket. 

The two Officers who brought you to Kylo had hung around, mostly just to add tension, but they did land a good few hits on you, while the Troopers stood by at the door. 

By the time the Officers were replaced for the third time, you’d gained trickles of warmth down from your temple, nose, and lip - it was blood no doubt. Even if you couldn’t see it, the taste of iron told you exactly what it was. Your insides pained, and every breath in and out hurt as if there were glass shards in your lungs. 

They didn’t hold back, you’d give them that. 

But they had barely ripped anything more than sharp intakes of breath from you, let alone information on the Resistance. 

They realized soon that they weren’t getting anywhere. If they were, they were only rendering you more useless by killing you.

That’s when they brought Kylo back. 

__________

By the time Z2 was able to find you again - because somehow the little guy lost you - Poe couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or even more angry. 

The way the droid found you was by following a very talkative Kylo Ren. They guy wouldn’t stop yelling about you - The Rebel - and how pathetic the Officers were for not getting anything out of you already. 

Poe had to admit, he was a little proud to hear you had barely said boo to whatever they’d done to you, but it soon changed back to worry when Z2 got you on camera.

You looked awful. A mess. And this time you weren’t exactly a hot mess. 

Bruises were swelling over one side of your face, old blood was drying on your features and down your neck like cracks in a clay plate, the new blood lined the old like the lights that lined the hallways of the base at night. And that was only on your face. 

Poe shuddered to think about the damage done that was hidden by your clothes. 

“The base. Where is it?” Kylo went straight to the point, stalking up to your side and standing too close. 

You stuck your nose in the air, chin high, and turned away, not saying a word as you rolled your lips together. Kylo grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling you back to face him, and you let out a hiss.

“That’s a no-no.” you said, fruitlessly attempting to shrug him off. 

“Tell me where it is!” You clenched your jaw, breathing in deeply, staying firm to your resolve to not tell. You were loyal. If that’s why you’d die here then so be it. 

“Beat me all you want,” you said, “But unlike you I know what family means. I’m never telling you where they are.” 

Poe was feeling an awful lot of disbelief lately, but this wasn’t quite like before. He knew you were strong, loyal, but he didn’t quite realize the sharpness of your tongue, and the protectiveness you had over your fellow Rebels. 

Kylo stepped back, looking at you with as much disgust as someone with a mask-covered face could, and raised his hand.

From across the room, Poe saw Rey stiffen. Kylo was going to use the Force on you, and both him and Rey knew that you’d have no choice over giving up where they were hidden. 

You could feel something enter your mind, oozing through your life and memories like tar, and sending a searing pain straight to your temples. You couldn’t stop it. As much as you wished and willed it to stop it wouldn’t. 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t break, you wouldn’t tell. If you didn’t say anything, or said something, it wouldn’t matter. But you were not going to let Kylo keep rummaging in your brain. 

“Please, enough!” you yelled, “I’ll tell you!” 

The pain stopped, and the pressure released, but didn’t go away. It lingered.

Poe felt his heart drop, dread setting in again. You had no choice, but surely you couldn’t change your mind that quickly? Rey and Leia didn’t look incredibly worried, and looking over at your friend Joon, he looked more concerned about your well-being than his or anyone else's.

The room was eerily silent, as if the universe was holding its breath, like a cord ready to snap under the pressure and release, pushing them all into a frenzy to evacuare the planet. 

“They’re,” you started, catching your breath, “They’re on Tatooine. In the desert. Hidden under a cloaking beacon where no-one can find them.” 

Kylo’s hand fell to his side, and his head tilted back. Then he abruptly turned, starting to leave. The Officer to his left stepped forward.

“What do we do with her?” Kylo paused.

“Use your imagination.” Kylo said, then turned to Z2. “And get rid of that Droid.” 

__________

You were terrified. 

They were going to kill you, you were a hundred percent sure of it. What else would they do with you? You just hoped they did so before they reached Tatooine, before they found out you lied straight to Kylo Ren’s face. 

The two Officers split, one going with Kylo, and the other stayed behind. To ‘deal’ with you, no doubt. The Officer measured for the one of the two Troopers to step forward, to raise their blaster. 

The Trooper behind the Officer wasn’t supposed to do that too, right? 

The Officer gave the order to fire, and you flinched, bracing yourself for death. You guessed death didn’t hurt too much, or instead, with the opening of your eyes, you found you didn’t die at all. The Officer lay on the ground, and the Trooper by the door’s blaster was smoking. The one closest you to move, releasing your restraints as if they’d wanted to do it since you first got there. 

“Who’re you guys?” you asked.

The one at the door came forward, pulling their helmet off, and the one at your side, having released you, did also. 

“We’re people who don’t want to be here.” 

__________

Series Taglist: @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​ @writefightandflightclub​ @robindoesntloveme​ @kiaralein​ @danicalifxrnia​ @americasass-romanoff​ @morgannope​ @smolpeachees @afootnoteinyourhappiness​ @lonelydarlings​ @rae-rae-patcha​ @oakleyves @grincheveryday​ @seninjakitey​ @fanfin-glutton​ @softly-sad 

Poe Dameron Taglist:  @p3nny4urth0ught5​ @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​ @hp-marvel-starwars-kotlc​ 

 [Both Taglist’s are Open] 

[pilot-boi]

Five Injuries Hidden: Chapter One

A little look into the extents that Jaune would go for his team, his friends, his family. Did he maybe go a little too far at times? Maybe. Is it really necessary for him to get medical attention and actually heal his injuries? Probably. Will he ever stop gladly throwing himself on top of the wire to protect even one of them? Definitely not.

Maybe he should actually let them help him when he goes too far and gets hurt in their stead. But for that to happen, they’d have to know about the hits that he keeps taking for them, which they don’t and never will. And what they don’t know won’t kill them.

But… It might kill him if he isn’t careful.

((I keep forgetting Aura is a thing, so don’t mind me giving him injuries that he shouldn't really be able to get. Set vaguely between V5 and V6.))

Oscar

Jaune’s never had a baby brother before, so he can be forgiven for being just a little bit more protective than he really needs to be, right?

AO3 LINK

It was pouring

Not an innocent little sprinkle either, oh no. It was a torrential downpour.

The water kept getting in his hair and washing it down into his face. Who needs eyesight anyway? That wasn’t necessary, right?

And to think, he had been having such a nice day, too.

A wild shout snapped Jaune out of his thoughts, and he snapped up his sword to block the clumsy swipe of the Ursa’s paw, the resounding clang leaving a faint ringing in his ears. A grin made its way onto the  soaked knight’s face as he batted the offending limb away with his shield and slashed across with his blade to decapitate it.

Whipping his head around, Jaune quickly scanned the impromptu battle field for his friends. His family. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Yang’s joked in the back of his head about counting heads like a teacher on a field trip, but he paid it no mind.

Relief swept through him as he saw that they all had their battles well in hand. Yang and Nora even seemed to be making a game out of it, shouting out the number of kills to each, both trying to one up the other. Their partners were taking it more seriously, but Jaune could see Blake smiling in amusement and hear the laugh tinging Ren’s words.

Ruby and Weiss were dashing around each other, working like a perfectly oiled machine. Glyphs would appear for Ruby to run on, perfectly timed for her to take out a truly obscene amount of Grimm with one strike. As he watched, he even saw Oscar take out a Beowulf singlehanded.

Jaune couldn’t help the swell of pride in his chest.

Shaking his sopping wet out of his eyes -in vain, apparently, as it simply slid right back after he swept it away for the millionth time- a movement in the trees caught his eye by complete chance. Red glowing eyes and feathers flickered from branch to branch. 

Whipping his head around, Jaune zeroed in on a hidden Nevermore. It must have been drawn by the strife of the combat. With a screech it launched itself from the trees and reared back its wings to launch its feathers like throwing daggers.

Aiming directly at Oscar. Oscar, who still had trouble remembering to keep his Aura up. His brother. His baby brother.

Everything seemed to slow as his mind’s eye worked out just what he was seeing. He quietly pushed away the rage that bubbled up, and sought the cool planning mindset that had saved him and his friends time and again. Jaune would have time for anger later -because how dare that monster even think of laying a feather on Oscar Pine- because he had more immediate problems.

For one, and most immediately, that he would not be able to warn Oscar in time. No, the stupid bird was already locked and loaded onto Oscar, and by the time he warned him, there could be a feather a foot long skewered through his chest.

So, that brought his options down to only one. One acceptable solution. If that arrow was going to hit anyone, it was going to be him.

As he came to that conclusion, everything rushed back into full motion.

The Nevermore loosed its feathers like a hailstorm.

Oscar heard the noise and turned to see what was flying towards him.

Their friends yelled out in warning. Weiss threw up a wall a moment too late. Ruby jumped into a cloud of petals.

And Jaune slammed Oscar -his little brother, dammit stupid bird would pay for that- out of the way, his momentum carrying them both mostly out of the path of the barrage. Mostly.

Jaune was never so happy to have a soaking wet red sash tied around his middle than at that moment. It hid injuries quite well.

Hiding a grimace of pain as something just short of agony raced across his lower ribs, Jaune quickly checked over Oscar for injuries. His Aura flared up in his hands, liquid light pouring down into any possible imaginary injuries the boy could have. “Are you okay?! It didn’t get you, did it?”

Oscar shook himself out of his shocked stupor, blinking dazedly. “N-no. I’m fine. Thanks Jaune.”

Jaune breathed a sigh of relief, shoulders slumping, before they raised back up rigidly and his shield spiraled back out to cover them both. “Wait, what about the Nevermore?!”

Ren laid a calming hand on Jaune’s shoulder. “Not to worry. Ruby and Weiss are taking care of it. Are you alright, Jaune?”

A sharp sting lanced across his ribs. Couldn’t spare Aura for an injury he didn’t know the extent of. What if he needed to heal someone? “Yeah, sure, I’m fine! Do you think you could check over Oscar to make sure that it really missed him?”

Ren tilted his head to one side in confusion and crouched down beside them both. “I saw you using your Semblance, but it you’re sure-”

“Guys, I’m fine! Not even bruised anymore thanks to you,” Oscar reassured him.

“You got him to the ground before the others even took off after the rest of the Grimm,” Ren reminded Jaune, ignoring the knight’s skeptical expression. “You did well, Jaune.”

“My ‘good enough’ almost wasn’t good enough.” Jaune slumped tiredly, resisting the urge to sling his arm across his torso to cover the angry welt he could feel. “I’m just relieved I saw it in time.”

Oscar punched him lightly in the arm, and then shook out his fingers from punching his metal armor. Jaune didn’t even notice the hit, but he noticed the reprimand. “Come on, stop that. Please! You saved me, you made it. I’m right here, on the ground, safe and sound.”

“Yeah, what he said!” Ruby called as she waded through the semi-dense brush, the tell tale smoke of dead Grimm dripping and seeping off the scythe leaning on her shoulder.

Good. The thing was dead. Jaune tried not to feel so satisfied about that.

Nora bounced out from behind her and slung an arm across Jaune’s shoulders, unknowingly aggravating Jaune’s side. “C’mon fearless leader, cheer up! Everything turned out a-okay. Now, what do ya say we all finish up here and go get something to eat, huh?”

Jaune heartily agreed, and soon they were all back in Mistral proper. Qrow, slung across the couch with one arm covering his eyes, grumbled when their troop stomped inside covered in mud and shouting to each other. 

Excusing himself with the plea of exhaustion, Jaune snagged the first-aid kit from the kitchen and sequestered himself into his and Oscar’s shared room. And with a wince, he finally took in the extent of the damage.

The less said about the torturous removing of his armor and soaked through clothing, the better.

A long, angry red mark was gouged across his side, right under his rib cage, and a dark, grim looking bruise covered from just above the severe laceration all the way down to the top of his hip. 

He stared at it for several long seconds, debating whether to heal it or not. Who knows what they’d be doing over the next couple days. Could he afford to leave it? Or could he afford to siphon off precious Aura to heal himself, when he might need it for the others?

After far too long, he settled on cleaning it out first and figuring it out later.

Biting back the few curse words he knew, mostly from Yang, he quickly balled up the cleanest, least muddy piece of his shirt before biting down on it, effectively blocking any yelps that would be sure to somehow slip past the firm barrier he had paced against them.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, his side protesting fiercely, and gathering up all his courage, Jaune tore open a sterile package and applied the large antiseptic patch found within.

The world whited out.

Suddenly, in some part of his brain that was untouched by overwhelming agony, he was very, very glad that he had taken the precautions to stop anyone from seeing or hearing him. Locking the door behind him had been an afterthought born from years of sibling life, but now he was so very glad that he took the second to do so.

After all, he couldn’t have someone walking in on him feeling like he was dying, now could he?

He used to like rainy days.

Somehow pulling himself back together out of the sheer force of will, he finished cleaning out the gash. He channeled a sliver of Aura into the injury and watched as it stitched himself up into a barely healed slash, still surrounded by bruising. Just enough to stop the bleeding.

Taking a moment to center himself, he spit his shirt out of his mouth and finished up by wrapping a loop of gauze around his middle and over the still extremely tender wound.

Finished. Now he could die in peace. Didn’t they say that death was eternal rest? Yeah. He could go for an eternal nap right about now.

Sadly, that wasn’t in the cards for Jaune at the moment. Briefly mourning the fact that he couldn’t stay seated on his bedroom floor with stray medical supplies strewn about forever, Jaune mentally shook himself off and begrudgingly started cleaning up any evidence of this little escapade. 

His dirty shirt got tossed right into the laundry, along with the bloody soaked and slightly-more-tattered sash. Hopefully nobody would notice the extra holes in the latter.

That done, and knowing that Oscar at the very least would undoubtedly be coming by soon, Jaune quickly pulled a new shirt over his head to hide the remaining evidence, i.e. his injury. 

It was quick for him, but really he walked slowly with shuffling steps, as his side strongly rebelled against the thought of doing anything fast other than sleeping. So he shucked off his soaking wet jeans, tossed them into the pile with his shirt and sash, tugged on a pair of sweatpants, and collapsed painfully into his bed.

No training tonight. Sorry, Pyrrha, but he didn’t think he’d manage to wake up to his alarm no matter how loud he set it. And setting it loud enough to wake the others was a no-go. Jaune felt so exhausted that he doubted even his nightmares would be enough to wake him.

Don’t get him wrong, Jaune didn’t regret what he did. He never would. You could scour his soul for eternity, and you would never find even a slightest shade of remorse for doing what he had done to save Oscar, the little brother he’d never had. 

This result was the optimal one. That’s what he did, he crunched the numbers. And the numbers would always come to this result, without question. Jaune would gladly relive this entire horrible, muddy, rainy day a million times if it meant that Oscar would come out of it uninjured. 

In fact, he would willingly do this for any of his friends, his family, the family he’d found and made and cobbled together. This family that was a little damaged and cracked, but that had dragged him out of the darkest time in his life without a second thought and without asking for anything in return. 

A debt that Jaune could never begin to repay. Not that he’d ever stop trying. He hadn’t been grateful enough when they’d been doing it, so he was doubly grateful for them sticking with it and not giving up on him like he’d so dearly wanted them to.

So he’d do anything for them. Anything at all. With absolutely no hesitation at all. If any of their lives were on the line, there were really no numbers to be crunched. This decision was a no-brainer.

Hands down, no questions asked.

[rwby-grimm-guardians]

RWBY Grimm Guardians Arc 4: Re-Bonding In Mistral Special I

Welcome back to Re-Bonding In Mistral! So, while we wait for chapter 5, here’s a special (first of a few) that will explain what Ruby and Yang are dealing with currently. This takes place during chapter 4 in the middle of the night.

Yes, it’s another nightmare segment. Featuring a NEW form of Cinder attacking Ruby. Yang will also explain her PTSD with the fight with Adam, so because of that, you are free to skip this chapter entirely.

This will also delve into what Ruby and Yang think about the events that happened in the canon Vol 3.

Note that the canon here will be treated as their nightmares or them having visions. It can be seen as EITHER.

As usual, please give constructive criticism and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Though I do own Cinder’s unique design used here.

Link to that right here: https://roosterteeth.com/g/post/35478f52-5a58-4ee7-ac67-68267f79697e

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HORROR SECTION AGAIN. YOU KNOW THE RULES.

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-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

(???)

Ruby opened her eyes and looked around. Wherever she was, it was dark in all directions, the only light coming from her cloak. All she knew was that she was on an unfamiliar cliff-edge with a forest behind her. All under a moonless, starless sky.

Much to her relief, she also had her scythe on her... She slowly stood up, clutching her cloak around her as a cold wind wiped past her. The frigid temperatures made the teenager’s teeth chatter and her whole body shake as she put up her hood.

“Where...am I…?” The red cloaked teenager asked, before noticing...embers. She then felt heat in front of her from beyond the cliff, before a thunderous quake shook the earth beneath her and a volcanic explosion erupted from the abyss. Flames rose forth violently, some reaching a height that rivaled that of the Beacon Tower. Ruby sat down in shock, eyes wide as she witnessed the destruction in front of her.

She then turned and noticed the forest behind her was ENGULFED in flames.

Though that wasn’t the worst of it.

The red cloaked teenager then noticed a feminine figure, with a Grimm-like left eye, arm, and wing, along with a Grimm-like right leg, donning a red and gold dress. She swore the eye was radiating with FIRE. The teenager then saw an all familiar twisted and sadistic grin on the figure’s face, immediately realizing who the figure was. Someone she thought was either killed at Beacon...or arrested.

“CINDER!?” Ruby shouted, her jaw dropping in shock. “HOW!?”

The Fall Maiden grinned, letting out a sinister chuckle, “I think you saw her before...in a nightmare.” The red cloaked teenager raised an eyebrow, before her eyes went wide again, “Salem…” “Bingo….” Cinder smirked. “So you ARE not just some weapon crazed brat who got LUCKY.” The woman then fired a ball of flame from her mouth at the teenager, who only managed to dodge it thanks to her semblance.

“Quit running, runt…” The dressed woman chuckled, stopping the teenager in her tracks as the Maiden fired a beam of heat from her eye in front of Ruby. The teenager screeched to a halt, before deciding she’d have to fight her way out. She pulled out her scythe, before charging at the woman, only for the scythe to be caught by Cinder bare-handedly. Ruby’s eyes widened as she froze, both in shock and horror.

She was then kicked back, letting her weapon go from being caught off guard. After skidding to a halt on her back, the teenager slowly sat up as pain throbbed through her ribs. She then watched as Cinder tightened her hold on the scythe’s blade, crushing and shattering it entirely. “To think I actually FEARED you after Beacon…” The woman said, before grinning. “I must thank Salem for helping me CRUSH that fear!”

The teenager attempted to stand, only to be instantly lifted by her shirt’s collar by Cinder. Ruby could feel the heat radiating from the Fall Maiden. The woman’s hands, mouth, eyes, nose, torso, legs. It was as if Cinder had become a being of pure fire and volcanic energy. The teenager could also feel her heartbeat speeding up in panic. Fear began to take over as the teenager struggled weakly in Cinder’s grasp.

She then looked behind the Fall Maiden, before her eyes widened in horror, causing her struggling to cease.

Behind Cinder were the LIFELESS, BLOODIED, and BURNED bodies...of Yang, Weiss, Blake, Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora, Ren, Oscar, Taiyang, Qrow, Raven, Zwei…

And even Summer.

All hope DRAINED from the teenager, before slowly facing her captor. The Fall Maiden grinned wickedly, “You actually THINK you can SAVE them…” The woman chuckled as tears ran down Ruby’s face. Cinder sighed, “Don’t look so sad. You’ll be joining them soon.” “Think of it as me doing you favor.” The woman sadistically smiled, before summoning a burning scimitar from her magic.

“Relax.” She grinned. “It’ll be over in an INSTANT.” Cinder then shoved the absurdly hot blade into Ruby’s abdomen, causing the teenager to scream in pain...

-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

(2:54 AM)

(In the Xiao-Long-Rose Family Home…)

Ruby bolted up with a scream, cold sweat dripping down her face, before she tried to catch her breath. She slowly noticed it was just a freakishly lucid nightmare. She was safe...and in her shared bedroom with Yang. Her roommate’s eyes fluttered open, before groaning. “Ruby? You alright?” Yang asked tiredly. It took a few moments, but the silver eyed teenager nodded slowly, “Y-Yeah… I thi-” She froze as she felt bile in the back of her throat, before bolting to the bathroom.

The blonde teenager immediately went after her in concern, entering the bathroom and holding her younger sister’s hair back as the younger of the two retched into the toilet. After emptying her stomach’s contents, Ruby continued to take deep breaths as Yang helped her wash her face and mouth out. “Sorry…” The silver eyed teenager whispered, her throat and neck sore. Yang gave a reassuring smile, “It’s okay… Do you want to talk about it somewhere privately?”

Ruby stayed silent for a few moments, before suggesting, “Backyard patio?” Her sister nodded, helping the young leader to her feet and quietly heading to the back of the house and outside. The two then sat on the steps, listening to the sounds of nature and looking up at the cloudless sky and the sea of stars. The younger of the two leaned against her big sister and sighed, “So, you remember Cinder?” The blonde raised an eyebrow, “You mean that bitch that tried to get us all killed at Beacon?”

The younger teenager nodded, “Yeah. The same one that tried to kill Pyrrha too.” “She...appeared in the nightmare…” She explained. “She...looked different. Like she wasn’t human anymore.” “Like that Vampier chick?” Yang asked.

Ruby nodded, before shrugging, “Maybe…? Cinder had...a Grimm arm and leg, as well as a wing. She...” The young leader paused, taking deep breaths again, before saying, “She looked like she came out of the pits of Hell.”

“Gods…” The older of the sisters whispered. Ruby nodded, “Yeah…”

The two of them sat in silence, taking in what Ruby had just said. Yang then sighed, “The...one who did this to Blake and I...has been appearing in my nightmares…” The silver eyed teenager grabbed the blonde’s left hand tightly as the blonde continued, “He...would goot me into attacking him… Either by….” “Killing Blake, you, and Weiss…” She explained with hesitation, her own grip on Ruby’s hand tightening. “Or simply threatening you all…”

The younger of the two tightly hugged her sister, before saying, “We need to tell Mom… Maybe…” “Maybe there’s a way we can stop or control our nightmares...or better, stop the ones who attacked us…” She explained. The blonde gave a small nod, returning the hug, “I can work with that…” The two sat like that for almost a minute, before Ruby pulled away and sighed, “I’ve been feeling...so angry with myself lately.”

“Same.” Yang nodded. “Been having dreams of...what could’ve happened differently.” The silver eyed teenager nodded in agreement, before asking, “You wanna go first?” The blonde nodded, before sighing, “So, you know my depression is still lingering, right?” Ruby nodded, raising an eyebrow, “Was it...worse in the dream?” “Oh yeah…” The blonde nodded, giving a halfhearted chuckle.

“It was...bad enough to the point where I...didn’t care about where Blake went…” She said. “I...don’t think she told us where she was going… I even pushed you away instead of asking you for help...” The young leader looked shocked, but for a completely different reason as she said, “Then we’ve...experienced a dream that had us do something that we’d...never do…”

When the blonde raised an eyebrow, Ruby explained, “You know how I left for Mistral with Mom and Uncle Qrow?” “Well, instead of telling any of you, I….left a half-assed note and left in secret.” She said. “I sent letters, but…” The younger teenager sighed, rubbing her eyes, “I...can’t believe that I...would NEVER tell any of you what I was doing…”

“I can’t believe I wouldn’t let any of you help me…” Yang said. “Or what Stepmom said about Mom was true.” The younger teenager raised an eyebrow, “You had a dream about that too?” The blonde nodded with a groan, “Yeah… And it was...pretty bad…” “The conversation went...as terrible as one would assume.” She explained. “Probably ruined whatever chance I had at reconnecting with Mom…”

The two sat in silence, not daring to bring up where Summer was in their dreams. They could only assume that in the dreams, the former STRQ leader...STAYED dead.

“Do you think we should get back to sleep?” Ruby asked, yawning. Yang shrugged, “Only if you think you’ll be able to.” A few more moments of silence passed, before the younger of the two sighed, “Not sure if I can… But I’ll try.” The blonde nodded, helping her sister up to her feet and back inside. Ruby quickly got a drink of water, while Yang got out a note for their dad.

After putting the note in their shared bedroom, the blonde got out a two-person sleeping bag, before placing it on the patio by the door. The younger teenager returned, yawning once more as she and her older sister got in the bag. “Thanks, Yang.” Ruby whispered with a tired smile. Yang chuckled and kissed her sister’s forehead, “You too, little sister. Wake me if you need anything.”

The silver eyed teenager nodded, huddling up next to the blonde, “Same with you. Good night, sis.” “Night, Ruby.” The older of the two smiled, before the two sisters fell asleep. This time, peacefully.

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And that’s it for the first special! I hope you liked the new form I gave Cinder here, as well as her powers.

You can be certain that the form will be made real in the AU in the future.

So, yeah. The nightmare in Arc 3 Side Red III WAS done by Salem. I should’ve mentioned that before, but I’m doing it now.

Now, we TRULY move on to chapter 5 and the second half of Vol 5.

[azwriting]

Secrets (Forget Me Not, Kylo Ren x Reader) - Chapter Thirteen

AHH! Only two more chapters left! Me finishing a project? A miracle. Anyways! As usual I hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated! 

Summary: To hide from the First Order and Kylo Ren, (Y/N) must resort to desperate measures.

Warning(s): None really(?)

Word Count: 5903

The hallway was silent, no signs of life, as (Y/N) poked her head out of her quarters. It was the middle of the night, everyone was asleep on the Resistance base, except for the occasional patrolling guard. Exiting her room, she tightened her grip on the brown duffel bag that she carried by her side. She was not defecting or deserting, in truth she wanted to stay, but it was no longer an option. She needed to put as much distance as she could between the First Order and her, and being a member of the Resistance she was bound to run into them at some point. It was no longer safe to stay, it was time to go.

The ramp on the Falcon slowly lowered itself, revealing the night sky and the crowd that awaited their return. A mission to rescue a Resistance member who had been captured by the First Order for a long period of time, seemed to gather quite a lot of attention. (Y/N) hovered in the back, allowing for the four to descend first. She was still shaking, eyes watering, and heart in agony. Cheers were heard as Finn and Chewie exited out of the ship and then even more for Poe and Rey. “Did you find Commander Stryker? Does she need medical support? Someone get the medical team over here stat!” 

The applause and questions seemed to halt when she came into view, everyone’s eyes staring in disbelief. “Wasn’t she being held captive by the First Order?” One hushed voice drifted across the deadly silent crowd of members. “She was gone for almost a month, how is she not dead?” “Dead? There’s not even a scratch on her!” “She’s even in a dress!” 

(Y/N)’s arms clenched tighter around her frame as she tried to ignore the whispers coming from the Resistance members. They were right, why was a highly ranking Resistance member not bruised, bloodied, and beaten to a pulp by the hand of the First Order? If they only knew what their Supreme Leader had done to her heart. With her head down, (Y/N) followed closely behind her rescuers into the Command Center, where more eyes followed. 

“Dameron, I explicitly denied you the right to leave this base! All four of you disobeyed direct command I hop-” A familiar voice shouted from the Center, but her rant stopped as Poe, Rey, Finn, and Chewie stepped to the sides revealing (Y/N). Her (Y/E/C) eyes lifted to the source of the shouting, finding a sight that made her heart wrench even more. 

“(Y/N)?” General Organa breathed out in surprise, turning to look at Poe. “You found them?” Poe nodded, head held high despite despite the eventual repercussions of his defiance.

 “I told you I would.” Leia exhaled, taking in (Y/N)’s disheveled sight, her eyes not so discreetly searching the crowd behind the crying girl. No doubt searching for a tall black haired man. 

“L-Lele” (Y/N)’s voice cracked, fresh tears pouring down. 

“You remember…” Leia whispered, confounded once again. She only nodded and rushed into the woman’s arms, completely breaking down again. Leia held her close, feeling the pain that surrounded her aura, stroking her messy hair. 

“Clear the room!” Poe shouted. Everyone was quick to leave, retiring for the night or returning to their duties. Leaving the General and the Commander she loved so dearly. (Y/N) stayed in Leia’s arms sobbing, her knees wobbling from the sorrow. 

“I-I lost him again!” She cried out, Leia’s eyes watering as she quietly reminded the girl it was not her fault.

That had been a month ago, she had been away from him for a month. (Y/N) tried to bury herself in work, in bringing the First Order crumbling down, in forgetting. But she never could, it was always on the back of her mind, and now it was time to leave. Resorting to running away in the middle of the night, without so much as a goodbye. She had no other choice.

A knock came at her door, pulling (Y/N) out of her wallowing thoughts. She had barely left her room the past few days, still attempting to deal with her pain. “Go away Poe!” she shouted, quite annoyed with her neighbor’s constant pestering. She was not necessarily mad at him, he had thought she was in trouble, and him and her could not continue living in their little pretend world forever, but she was tired of the constant apologies. She only wanted to forget it ever happened.

 “Its - Its not Poe.” A distinct voice called from the other side of the door. (Y/N) sat up, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. She made her way to the door, pressing the button on the side panel, allowing for it to open. 

Rey stood before her, an uneasy look etched onto her face, hands hidden behind her back. “I’m sorry Rey, I didn’t know it was you.” She apologized hastily. 

Rey shook her head, “It’s alright.” The young Jedi’s eyes fell as she shifted her weight onto the balls of her feet, clearly nervous. 

“What’s wrong?”

 Rey let out a sigh, lifting her eyes, “I need your help.”

 (Y/N)’s one brow quirked up, “My help? With what?” She was unsure what use she would be in such a state. Rey let out an uneasy laugh, revealing the two items she held behind her back. (Y/N) sucked in a large gulp of air at the sight, eyes looking up to the young woman in questioning. 

“When I was with Luke, he mentioned a padawan who was strong in the Force, strong enough to take his nephew, strong with her lightsaber.” Rey’s hand extended out more, balancing (Y/N)’s lightsaber. She had purposefully left it on the Falcon the night they returned with the intention of never wielding it again. 

“I can’t fight him Rey…” (Y/N) muttered, her sadness surfacing once again. 

Rey nodded hand still outstretched, “I know I wouldn’t expect you to. And I know you closed yourself off to the Force, but could you train me? You and Ben trained together Luke said, you must fight alike.” (Y/N) winced at his name, the name of the boy she had fallen in love with, his real name. She had blocked out his name solely referring to him as Kylo Ren, it felt like another person when she did. Perhaps because when he had taken on that mantra, he had become someone else. 

“You’ve beaten him before, why do you need my help?” Rey let out a loud sigh, filled to the brim with anxiety. (Y/N) was sure if she was still connected to the Force, she would have felt how distressed her aura was. Even without, she could see the stress weighing on the young woman’s shoulders. 

“I just - I need to get better, stronger. Everyone is looking to me to step into Luke’s shoes and… it's just a lot.” (Y/N)’s eyes fell in shame. She should be helping the girl, not hiding away like some laser brain. It was not like her, even with no memory of who she was, she still had joined the Resistance to help others. 

“I’ll train you, but we must go far into the Jungle. The Resistance cannot see me handling a saber, too many questions would arise and the truth would eventually come out. I could be branded a traitor to the cause.” The base had all been told a lie, to protect (Y/N). She had escaped the First Order rather quickly and crash landed on a deserted planet where she waited to be found. No mentions of Kylo Ren, of her remembered past, or her Force sensitivity. It was the only way to explain why she was not injured or malnourished. If anyone else found out about her previous relationship with Kylo, the Resistance would begin to question where her loyalties lay. 

Rey nodded solemnly,“When do we start?”

 (Y/N) plucked her lightsaber from the girl, trying to bury the resurfacing memories, “At dawn.”

As the sun began to rise casting an orange hue over the far off Resistance base, (Y/N) and Rey sat on the moist ground of the jungle. “I’m sorry, but I thought you were going to teach me to be stronger during a fight?” Rey questioned unsure as to why they were sitting down cross legged. (Y/N) quirked up an eyebrow at her, had Luke not disclosed the importance of mastering the Force? Silently she was cursing his Force Ghost. He had left her with one hell of a mess. 

“I am but you have to know how to connect to the Force to become better.” 

Rey nodded along, “So I control it better.” 

“No.” (Y/N) shook her head, if she ever saw Luke’s Ghost she would surely have a word with him. “We don’t control the Force nor does it control us. We simply harness it and it guides us. It’s a symbiotic relationship.” Rey remained silent, urging (Y/N) to go on. “Do you recall the first moment you realized you were Force sensitive? I was no older than two and I remember lying in the meadow with my parents and lifting my rattle.” (Y/N) swallowed thickly recalling the summer afternoon with her parents before everything. She knew she was not alone, but she felt it nonetheless. 

Rey seemed to look down at the palm of her hands, contemplating. “I thought it was on Starkiller Base, but I always knew something was there especially after one night. It was over ten years ago, I had been on Jakku for a few years by then, and I just remember waking with this awful feeling of pain and suffering. It was gone as soon as it started and in its place I felt this calling, this swell of Light in me.” (Y/N) pursued her lips at her words, dissecting them. Over ten years ago… her eyes widened, Rey had begun to feel her call to the Force when (Y/N) closed herself off to it. Darkness rises and Light to meet it...

(Y/N) slipped past a patrolling guard, stepping out onto the hangar ground. The sky was pitch black, the stars twinkling ever so slightly as she made her way to her X-Wing. She hated leaving, it made her feel like she was deserting her friends, family, and cause. But this was about something bigger than herself now, something she had to protect. Stepping onto the ladder leaning against the X-Wing, (Y/N) hauled herself up and tossing her duffel bag into the waiting ship.

 “Leaving without saying goodbye, huh? You definitely got that from Han, no doubt about it.” She turned around on the ladder, finding Leia exiting out onto the hanger in a long nightgown and robe, her hair down and free. (Y/N) was surprised, how did she know she was leaving?

 “I didn’t want anyone to know.” She called back, climbing down the ladder, hoping the woman was not here to stop her. She could not be stopped, her mind was already made up. Leia greeted her at the bottom, a knowing look on her face.

 “You don’t say? Leaving in the dead of night, I wouldn’t have guessed.” Leia’s words were oozing with sarcasm and (Y/N) could only let out a short laugh.

 “I’m not defecting, you know?” The General nodded, eyes holding such intensity it made (Y/N) want to back down from her decision. 

“I know,” Leia paused her hands gripping (Y/N)’s upper arms, “(Y/N) this could be the thing to save him.”

 The young woman gulped, “You-You know?” (Y/N) racked her mind, searching for any indication of when she slipped up, revealing that she would be running from the war. To her knowledge there had not been a single moment, she had taken precautions. Leia quirked an eyebrow up at her, obviously displeased by her tone of shock. 

“Of course I do, I’ve only known you since you were four. I know when you are hiding something.” (Y/N) let out a sigh, knowing there was no she could even deny it now. 

“He can’t know Leia. You can’t tell him. I wasn’t enough to turn him or even keep him from turning.” (Y/N) let out a harsh laugh, tears swimming in her eyes. “This won’t save him either, the only thing that can save Ben, is himself. And I’m not so sure he wants to be saved.” 

Leia inhaled sharply, “I won’t tell him, I won’t tell anyone.” (Y/N) breathed out in relief, tears slipping down her cheeks as she thanked the General. “Where will you go?” 

(Y/N) shrugged lightly, “Somewhere he won’t look, somewhere where he won’t ever realize I left the Resistance.” Leia nodded in agreement, it was best if she stayed hidden. 

“Send word when you are safe, wherever. Don’t tell me where though, can’t risk the First Order intercepting it.” (Y/N) concurred with a curt nod, that was the last thing she wanted, the First Order finding her. There was already a mandated order floating around the First Order that if any Stormtrooper identified her that she would need to be brought to the Supreme Leader unharmed. Poe’s informants had heard the news and relayed the information and she had experienced it first hand.

Rey and (Y/N) danced around each other in the early morning sun, lightsabers raised and pointing at one another. “Breathe Rey, just breathe.” (Y/N) reminded her. “Feel the Force surrounding you and every living thing. Let it guide you.” Rey took a deep breath, closing her eyes momentarily. Her concentration and (Y/N)’s lesson was cut short by a loud ringing noise sounding in the distance. The two women stared at each other, eyes wide, before they took off back towards base. (Y/N) carefully concealed her saber in her small satchel as they came out of the clearing and onto the landing strip.

 A group had assembled outside surrounding the higher ranking officials. Finn and Poe were pushing their way through the crowd, eyes scanning in search of someone. Finn’s eyes suddenly fell on them and pointed, the two men scrambling over. “Finn! What’s going on?” Rey questioned as the four merged together in the center of the landing strip.

 “We got a mission.” Finn answered bumping his shoulder into Rey.

 “The four of us.” Poe clarified. 

“What?” (Y/N) gulped, unsure whether she was ready to go back into the field. To face all the possibilities.

 “It’s nothing crazy, just gathering supplies on a neighboring system.” Poe added, reading the concern on her face.

 “Then what was the siren for?” Rey pondered. 

“Some of the other pilots have to escort new recruits to the base, The First Order seems to be getting close.” Finn informed and everyone nodded, moving towards the Falcon. (Y/N) felt the fear rise in her, scared to come anywhere near the First Order. Poe informant’s had gotten ahold of him the other day, stating that there was a hefty reward being offered to First Order members if they found a Resistance member with large burn tissue scarring the right side of her neck. Kylo wanted her back and it seemed he would result to anything just for it to happen.

Landing on the nearby planet of Thalrira, the village situated on top of a dry mountain range, the friendly natives greeted the four with open arms. They were people who sympathized with the Resistance cause. Poe and Finn got started right away with loading up the Falcon with the medical and food supplies the village was donating while (Y/N) and Rey loaded up the fabrics and boxes of devices and new equipment. Setting down the last box, (Y/N) stepped off the ship to thank the villagers along with the rest of her group. Outside the ramp, she was met with a sight that made her stomach drop. 

Stormtroopers had circled around the four of them, their own weapons raised back at them. Their helmets raised at the sight of her, looking at her exposed scar. 

“Get her!” Ordered one, two of the six stepping forward to grab her. But (Y/N) was quicker than them, her hand dipping into the satchel to retrieve her lightsaber. Purple light illuminated on the Stormtroopers white uniforms before (Y/N) drove her saber straight through one’s chest, quickly doing the same to the other. She jumped over the three, saber raised at the other four Stormtroopers. She blocked their blasts and quickly took them all down, Poe and Finn staring at her in shock.

 “Is this what you guys do in the jungle every morning?” Finn asked.

 “I didn’t know you could do all that!” Poe exclaimed after. 

Normally (Y/N) would find their banter humorous but thundering footsteps behind squandered the opportunity. She turned to see another group of Stormtroopers stalking forward, and turned back to the group of Resistance members.“Ready?” 

Rey bent down and received her saber from one of the fallen Troopers, “Always.” The two women smirked at each other as Finn and Poe retrieved their blasters. They all nodded to each other as Rey and (Y/N) took off first, the boys providing them cover. (Y/N) and Rey were quick on their feet, bodies dropping to the ground with a thud with purple and blue light whirling along the way. Poe and Finn having a shootout with a few Stormtroopers. Driving her lightsaber through the last Stormtrooper, (Y/N) let out a sigh of relief. She was unsure how the First Order had found them but it scared her. 

“We better get out of here before more show up.” Poe informed, wiping away the sweat gathering on his brow. Everyone nodded eagerly, turning for the Falcon, but more thundering steps were approaching. 

Another group of Stormtroopers were emerging from a First Order transporter just beyond, a group of six black dressed men following closely behind them… The Knights of Ren. (Y/N) gulped, eyeing her surroundings, did that mean their Master was here too? She could not face him.

 “(Y/N) you have to go, we got it from here!” 

She looked back to her friends, fear evident in her eyes, “N-No, I can stay. I can fight.” Her voice shook as she tried to feign strength, twirling her saber for good measure.

 “You’re no use if you get captured.” Poe pointed out, ushering her behind them all. “Go, we’ll meet you at the rendezvous point!” 

With that the three took off, weapons pointing at the incoming group. (Y/N) exhaled shakingly and ran on board of Falcon, heading straight for the cockpit. With familiar ease, she lifted the Falcon off the ground and flew off, to the cave just beyond the mountain range. The designated rendezvous point where she hoped her friends would arrive safely too. Inside she turned off the lights and sunk into the pilot’s seats, sobbing into the palms of her hands. She was endangering everyone just because of her stupid naive self, it was not right.

They had barely escaped that day and after that (Y/N) was not permitted to step off of the base, she was a dangerous to everybody. “Tell Rey I’m sorry I wasn’t able to finish training her.” 

Leia smiled gently, “Don’t worry, I’ll help her finish her training.” (Y/N) nodded, tears beginning to quickly escape her eyes. 

“Tell them I love them and I’m so sorry.” She thought of Chewie who she had known since childhood, of Poe since she was nineteen, and of Rey and Finn who felt like the younger siblings she never had. 

“(Y/N/N) honey, its okay. They’ll understand.” She shook her head, collapsing into Leia’s embrace. 

“No they won’t, they’ll think I deserted. They’ll never know the real reason, not as long as this war continues. Maybe even after that.”

 Leia stroked her hair, shushing her blabbering nonsense. “If they know you at all, they will know there was a reason.” Her words seemed to calm her down, but the tears still continued. 

All these emotions seemed to whirl around in her, bringing things she never said to light. “I never said thank you Leia.” (Y/N) mumbled into the woman’s shoulder. 

“For what dear?” The General’s voice sounded puzzled.

 “For this life. For taking me in, giving me a home, a place to feel safe in, for giving me h-h-him.” She hiccuped at the end, squeezing Leia tighter. “Despite it all, it’s been one amazing life.” She pulled away, taken aback by the tears in Leia’s eyes. She was not sure she had ever seen the woman cry. Leia opened her mouth to say something, but to squeeze so many feelings into such little words it was difficult, so in return (Y/N) just squeezed her hands. “I know Lele.”  The woman let out a wet laugh and released her hands.

 “Be safe.” (Y/N) nodded and backed away, clambering back up the ladder. 

“(Y/N)!” The General called once more and she quickly looked down to the small woman who had been like a mother to her. “May the Force be with you.” 

(Y/N) let out a chuckle tears still pooling in her eyes, “May the Force be with you!” She was unsure if she would ever see the woman again and something inside her broke at the thought. She quickly turned away, starting up the X-Wing, the engine roaring to life, and slowly began to lift up into the sky. With one last wave, (Y/N) disappeared into the night.

“General Organa! We have an unsanctioned departure!” A patrol member shouted running up to the woman. 

Leia only smirked watching the X-Wing jump into hyperspace, fading into the stars, “Don’t worry, they had authorization.”

(Y/N) landed in the clearing of the vivacious forest, the light blue roofs barely peeking out over the trees in the distance. She hoped it had been smart to come here, she hoped she could disappear here. During her flight, all she could think of was this place and how it only seemed fitting. If she was smart, the First Order would never know she left, and if so no one would ever think to look here. Especially him. It was her objective to fade into the Galaxy and never be seen or heard from again, besides the occasional message she would need to send Leia. This planet would hopefully grant her her wish. 

She climbed out of the cockpit, tossed her duffel bag down, and jumped down into the grass. She looked up finding the treeline above to be perfectly concealing her X-Wing. Always one to be overly cautious, (Y/N) cut down a few surrounding shrubs and placed them overtop her ship, hoping it would do the job. Hauling her duffel bag up she started the trek down to the villa that would become her new home. It had been years since she had been here and quite frankly the last time she was, was a painful memory. The warm sunlight trickled in through the tree coverage, reminding (Y/N) just how confining her white high neck sweater and brown pants were. She was misty certainly not dressed for the year long warm that graced this planet. Stepping out onto the cobblestone pathway, her eyes lifted to the magnificent villa, Varykino.

 It was dead silent, no signs of life, she suspected the summer villa had been long deserted. There were no other surviving family members to reside here anyways, it would be just her for awhile. Her black standard issue Resistance boots clicking against the stone as she made her way towards the front of the villa, that had a perfect view of the endless blue that stressed across the beautiful planet. She first smelled the sweet fragrance of cherry blossoms, then the sound of lapping water, before she finally emerged to find the place that made her heart ache. It was silly of her to assume that it would not affect her by picking this place. The place they had married, oh so long ago. Her throat seemed to close, maybe picking Naboo was not the best idea, let alone the family’s long abandoned inherited estate. But she had no other choice, no one would look for her here, she could live out the rest of her days here peacefully. (Y/N) turned away to face the large wooden doors, finding it strange that they were open. Stepping inside, she expected to find dust to be covering every square inch of the house, but instead she found it oddly cleaned. She dropped her duffel bag in shock and moved silently through the house in examination. Something was not right.

A soft creak sounded from behind her and (Y/N) wasted no time igniting the purple lightsaber that was strapped to her waist and pointing it wildly at the source. An old woman with olive skin, braided up gray hair, and transfixing green eyes stood before her carrying a basket full of freshly made loaves of bread. The greens of her dress seem to reflect into her intense gaze, eyeing (Y/N)’s purple lightsaber. The two women were silent as they stared at each other, eyes attempting to read the other. 

“For someone on the run, you use quite the distinguishable weapon.” Her voice was low, sweet, and raspy, bringing (Y/N) to the realization she was pointing her lightsaber at a frail elderly woman. 

“I’m not on the run.” She tried to defend but the woman only pointingly looked at the saber. She exhaled lowly, turning off her saber and sheathing it back on her belt. “I’m sorry, you frightened me.” 

The woman nodded in forgiveness and moved past her to the large table in the back of the villa, (Y/N) following instinctively. The elderly woman placed the basket of bread down on the glass table, turning quickly to face her, eyes narrowing in realization. 

“Naberrie blood.” (Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows, in confusion. 

“What?” The woman’s green eyes scanned her body, an unreadable look in them as she did. 

“I sense Naberrie blood.” (Y/N) was puzzled at her statement, was this woman insane? How could she sense blood? Let alone the bloodline of Senator Amidala’s family? A part of her knew why, but she could not admit that. Not to a strange woman. 

“You must be mistaken, I’m not related to Senator Amidala, I just knew the family that was. That’s why I’m seeking shelter here.” The woman only lifted an eyebrow at her words, a smirk falling onto her paling lips. (Y/N) wanted to squirm under the pressure, hoping the woman would not see through her lies. 

“I see with more than just my eyes dear. Naberrie blood.” She reiterated herself and (Y/N) shrunk down into herself, knowing the woman knew her secret. The woman looked at her with such sincerity, she had no choice but to trust her. 

Mutely, (Y/N) confirmed her words. The woman pursued her lips in satisfaction, her wrinkled hands grasping onto her tightly. 

“You will be safe here, the Villa is yours. Princess Organa has had me looking over it for the past few decades, but the Villa belongs to the family of the Naberrie.” (Y/N) shook her head, graciously thanking the woman for her kindness. She was relieved, knowing she could find refuge here, where he would never find out the truth. “What is your name dear?” 

She contemplated lying, using a false name, but Leia had trusted this woman, meaning she could too. “(Y/N) Stryker.” A wrinkled finger lifted from her tight grasp, waving it tauntingly in front of (Y/N). 

“Your real name child.” The woman was already far too perceptive for her liking, she had a feeling they would get along well. 

“(Y/L-” A tisk flew from the elderly woman’s mouth, halting her word. The green eyes seemed to stare into her soul and (Y/N) knew she was asking her once again, “Your real name child.” She gulped, eyes casting outwards to the endless water of Naboo, remembering the white and purple flowers and the hushed words of promise. Her eyes drooped, her heart already too broken to crack more, but it felt like a boot squashed down on the broken fragments of it. She turned back to the waiting woman, eyes watering as always. 

“Solo, (Y/N) Solo.” The old woman hummed in content at her confession, her wrinkled finger wiping away a stray tear. 

“Ah, the bride from so long ago.” (Y/N) nodded numbly, her arms wrapped around herself protectively. “My name is Euora Accu, come I will show you around.”

The sun shone brightly in the sky, reflecting against the glistening blue water as (Y/N) watched it from underneath the shade of the large tree. The tree she had been married under. Euora had retreated to her small hut hidden in the treeline for the rest of the afternoon, promising to return later for dinner, leaving (Y/N) to her thoughts. The past week had flown by so unrealistically fast, she had had no time to process anything. From trying to keep her secret from the Resistance and First Order to running away to Naboo. It was all so much, what this new chapter of her life would hold was nothing short of unfamiliar and frightening. She wished she could reconnect to the Force, ask for guidance on where to go from here, but she would risk Kylo and her connecting. It could not happen, he could not find her, he could not find out she left and why. There were so many secrets whirling around in her head, she felt lightheaded. The past eleven years of her life had been one big secret, one she had not remembered, so what was the next few decades? But many questions arose with it. Would she tell them who she really was? Who he was really was? Or would their lives be lies too? So many uncertainties plagued her mind it was frightening.

(Y/N)’s thoughts derailed at the blurry sight of something standing down on the lower level by the docks. She squinted her eyes and an audible gasp soon fell from her lips. She took in a sprint, stumbling rapidly down the flight of stone stairs, stopping behind the blurry object. It was a woman, watching the lapping waves, who was not fully tangible, a blue light edging her frame. (Y/N) stepped forward, stopping at the woman’s side to see her fully. She wore a rich blue dress that made her appear to blend into the water. Her brown hair was long, curly, and decorated with many little flowers and colorful ribbon. A hand hung by her side, fingers holding a necklace tightly. She was beautiful, a true vision, and oddly familiar looking. The woman’s warm brown eyes turned to her, a soft smile on her peachy lips. 

“(Y/N).” Her voice was soft, as she greeted her, but (Y/N) was startled the Force Ghost knew her name. Her eyes narrowed observing the woman closely, the beauty mark on her one cheek and warm brown eyes seeming to connect the internal dots. She suddenly saw Leia in the woman, than Luke, and Ben… 

“Senator Amidala?” She was in complete dismay staring at the young beautiful matriarch of the Skywalker family. How was this possible?

 “Padmé.” Padmé corrected her ushering her in closer. 

“H-How is this possible? Were you Force sensitive? Why are you here?” (Y/N) rifled off still struggling to process the image before her. She had never seen a Force Ghost before, only ever reading about them in the Jedi texts. 

“Oh no,” Padmé laughed lightly, “I was never Force sensitive. My husband, son, and your great uncle are using their powers from the Netherworld to project me here before you.” (Y/N) nodded in astonishment, the words ringing in her ears. 

“Is everyone okay? Luke? Qui-Gon? Wait your husband? Anakin is in the Netherworld?” 

Dark side Force users did not reside in the Netherworld and if Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, how was he there? Padmé smiled at her, enjoying her look of bewilderment. “Everyone is alright dear, Luke and Qui-Gon are quite proud of you. They knew you seeked guidance and we all deemed I was the best suited to talk to you. And yes, my husband is in the Netherworld, a fact my son and daughter should have told Ben and you. Could have spared this family additional pain.” 

(Y/N) clenched her jaw, that meant Anakin had been turned back to the light before death. A fact that most definitely could have prevented Kylo from turning, prevented her from losing him and her memory, and her now being all alone. She could not focus on that, not now, no she needed to know what guidance Padmé would provide her. Padme seemed to read her suffering and terror, a gentle hand coming up to rest on her cheek. (Y/N) could not feel her but the notion was comforting nonetheless. 

“I wanted to tell you that everything is going to be okay.” She nodded rapidly trying to fight the tears rising, but to no avail they began to trickle down her cheeks. 

“I’m frightened.” She cried, arms trembling as they wrapped around herself. “I don’t want him to find out, but at the same time I wish he was here by my side through it all.” Padmé nodded, her own tears reflecting in her eyes. 

“I understand. I was scared too and just wanted Ani through it all. But (Y/N) you cannot let this fear and sadness control you, you have to rise above it.” (Y/N) agreed, wiping away her tears. 

She had left the Resistance to protect her secret, came to Naboo to be safe, and she would be strong and fight through it. Padmé’s words seemed to pull her mind out of the darkness and remind her of her strength. She had been a powerful Jedi, a resourceful Resistance fighter, and now she would be strong, without him. 

“Thank you.” (Y/N) smiled softly and the woman grinned back.

 “Euora will help you, her father used to look over the house when I was a girl. Everything will be okay.” She reminded her with a telling grin. (Y/N) could see where Leia had gotten her unwavering strength and was thankful the women had passed it along to her. She stepped back from Padmé, now with the determination and confidence that everything would be okay. 

Just before she faded away, Padmé issued one last piece of advice, “When choosing the room, might I suggest the one overlooking the gardens? It was where I wanted theirs to be.” 

(Y/N) let out a wet laugh in acknowledgement, “I agree, that sounds quite lovely.” Padmé grinned, her eyes looking up to the towering peaks of Varykino. A content hum floated out from her lips and soon her beautiful figure faded away, leaving (Y/N) alone. Except she was not alone, she smiled to herself heading back up the steps. 

In fact she had everything she needed.  

Taglist:

@benpeggycartersolo​

@2heures​

@thephantomwriter​

@thefandomzoneisdangerous​

@carol-chann​

@gambitsqueen​

@pancakefancake​

@zaneholtzwrites​

@moonmamma03

@siren-queen03​

[damn-stark]

Blinded ch.2

A/N-hope you guys liked it :)

Warning- mention of violence, slow-burn

Pairing- Poe Dameron x Solo!reader

Thank you @arsonistvoyagar for being a beta-reader and helping me out :)

—

A chill that sent shivers throughout your whole body made you pull your covers up to your chin to increase your body temperature. You shuffled on your bed, in hopes of trying to get comfortable again, after feeling a disturbance that you couldn’t quite place. The sound of the door of your room opening caused you to open your eyes and jump up. The smell of smoke hit your nose immediately, making it burn slightly. When you looked over at the now wide open door you saw your brother Ben standing there, a deep frown on his face while his eyes gave you a menacing stare. The fire outside was so bright and big that it outshone the natural light of the moon. The red and orange light from the flames lit the hut aswell as Ben’s face, only making him look more frightening.

“Ben what’s going on?” You asked as you got on your feet. He walked in and grabbed your lightsaber then threw it over to you, forcing you to catch it. You caught it with one hand and noticed his frantic state. He didn’t respond as he helped you with your stuff. “Ben!” You shouted this time so you could catch his attention. He looked up at you and took a couple steps towards you. Your eyebrows knitted in confusion as he remained quiet. He outstretched his hand and you knew what he wanted you to do. You outstretched yours and touched his hand. This was a quiet and secret way were you two would see and feel each other’s emotions and explore each others memories. It was something you would do since you were young. When your parents would fight, you two would grab each other’s hand make one another feel more comfortable. You two would also share funny memories either one had missed out on or something one of you had seen that day. When you got older you shared memories of individual trainings you would have with your uncle Luke. It would help the both of you become better fighters.

As you touched his hand you felt fear, sadness, betrayal and a lot of anger. You saw what had happened, what caused the fire. You felt the pain that Ben felt. Luke skywalker, your own uncle, had tried to kill him. He had tried to kill his own nephew because of the fear he felt for him. For his power.

You gasped and let go of his hand. You didn’t want to believe your uncle would do something like this. You had known him all your life... why would he try to kill Ben? You shook your head, not wanting to believe what you had just seen. “It can’t be true Ben…. I’m sure he... he only tried to….I” Your eyes got watery. You knew what Ben was asking of you right at this moment. To leave with him and join the man that had been promising you two more power then you could ever dream of.

“It’s true. Y/N why would I lie to you? You know what you see is true.”, he said and you look down at the floor, your eyes not focusing on anything. “I’ve talked to you about Snoke and what he said was right. Uncle Luke was afraid of what we can do and what we’re capable of. He’s scared of our potential…. I stopped him in time because after killing me, he would have killed you next.” You look up at Ben and meet his eyes. You were still not sure of this story and of his proposal. “We’ll be powerful under the teachings of Snoke. You know it to be true.” He said his words echoing through your head.

Ben and you had never left each other's side for long periods of times. Never. All the times had been separated were short. You didn’t know what it would feel like without your twin brother by your side. How could you leave him now? When he needed you most? Leaving him would break both of your hearts and you knew that. That’s why he would never lie to you. Luke Skywalker had tried to kill him for what he was capable of and he would’ve killed you after if Ben hadn’t stopped him.

You turn your worried expression into a determined one. You grip onto your lightsaber and Ben and you make your way out of the hut. Ben would never lie to you.

Soon after the events of the destruction of Luke’s Jedi temple you and Ben joined the first order and Snoke took the both of you as his apprentices. The two of you killed your weak, former selves and were reborn as Hale and Kylo Ren. But before you could fully commit there was one thing the both of you had to to do. A battle between one another. The winner would be considered the most powerful twin and be worthy enough to wield your grandfather's long lost lightsaber.

You had always been more stronger than Kylo. When you were both Solos that is. When you two first started training alongside Luke Skywalker you would always knock Kylo to the ground. Always. You would win every fight. You were proud of yourself for that but… Kylos temper would get the better of him. He would get mad at you for winning, he made you feel bad when you saw him lose and it hurt you to see him like that, so after a while you started to let him win. To make him feel better. At first it would be once in a while but when you saw how happy it made him you let him win every time.

Now that you saw him standing in front of you with a scowl and a death grip on his lightsaber you didn’t know if letting him win was the best idea. The way he looked scared you. The feeling of fear towards your own brother wasn’t new. It had happened before – at the attack on the temple. You stood in a fighting position and tightened your grip around your lightsaber. You walked in circles waiting for either one of you to strike first. You looked over at Snoke who was watching with a wicked look. He seemed irritated that this wasn’t going anywhere. Kylo followed your gaze and noticed the same thing. He lifted his lightsaber and swung it at you. You quickly moved your body to the side to avoid his deathly swing. You swiftly moved your lightsaber upwards causing it to clash with Kylos. The blues from the clashing lightsabers outcasted the low red hue coming from the sparse light of the room.

With you holding back on the fight to not hurt your brother or prove something to Snoke that didn’t need proving, the fight was going on for a while. With every passing minute though you saw Kylos anger rise. He was angry that he wasn’t beating you at a simple fight that he had won millions of times before. But then again that was because you would always let him win those fights. This time was different though. You didn’t want him to win but you also didn’t want him to hold a grudge on you. Because you knew if you were to win this fight, he would never forgive you.

But as Kylos anger grew on not going anywhere with this fight so did Snoke’s. He knew of your potential and he knew you were holding back. “Are you children playing at a game?! Or are you Fighters!” Snoke shouted enraged. And that set something off in Kylo, because he soon swung at you at a faster pace before using the force to push you back. You fell to the ground and saw that he was about to bring his lightsaber down so you rolled over to the side. He managed to cut you before you could escape him though. You jumped up at the immense pain on the right half of your face. You touched your face and let your fingers trail the bloody wound that stretched from above your eyebrow down to your cheekbone. You took your hand off when you saw the red liquid on your fingers. You looked up at Kylo and saw the regret in his eyes. He had hurt you before but only in training and never ever like this. This was out of bottled up anger and a way to show his true devotion to Snoke and the dark side. This was to prove he was worthy of Darth Vader’s lightsaber.

Your knuckles turned white as your grip around the lightsaber tightened. You felt the anger inside you increase and you knew Kylo saw it in your eyes aswell. Your once soft gaze turned into a glare. You raised your lightsaber while you jumped and swung at Kylo. The fight that had been lasting far too long was now over within minutes. Kylo was on the floor and you held your lightsaber in front of him in a threatening position. You could see the fear in his eyes. You offered to help him up but he refused and helped himself up. He looked like a whiny child with his lips in a stubborn pout after losing. He never was one to accept loss easily he always ended up walking away or throwing a rage fit.

“You did good my young apprentice… you’re stronger than you let on.” After the fight Kylo and you stood in front of Snoke with your heads low. He walked down towards you two, your grandfather’s lightsaber in his hand. “You truly are Darth Vader’s granddaughter.” He said making Kylo flinch where he stood. You knew that this was making Kylo die of jealousy. It took everything in him to not storm out of the room. Snoke handed you the lighsaber and you took it. You were careful when you looked at it, afraid that it would break at any instant. But it was yours now, you had won it fair and square. Yet that still didn’t stop Kylo from being envious. Later on when he created his own red lighsaber, the weapon crackled and it was unsteady when ignited but in many ways it matched his temper. And just like his saber matched him yours matched you. Steady and calm.

-

You woke in hurry with heavy breaths and sweat on your forehead. The nightmare you just had taunted you. You saw the faces of innocent people you had slain. Things you had destroyed and every other horrible thing you had done in for the dark side in Snoke’s name. Seeing Han Solo had affected you more than you liked to admit. You tried to forget him, his words and memories that resurfaced when you saw him. You had been distant from everyone in the First Order so you were able to hide your troubled expression, that would have been clear to anyone otherwise. You also had tried to avoid seeing your brother because you knew he would know right away what had happened. That is if he didn’t know already. There was no need to share memories and emotions with him – you didn’t do that anymore. You both had changed drastically ever since joining the First Order.

You always had been quiet before but now you had grown silent and to yourself. Before you would joke around and smile all the time. In many ways you were like Han Solo himself – just like Kylo was like your mother Leía. Then again you had parts of her too. You loved your former life, even when your parents fought, you loved it. Now life seemed cold and worthless. You didn’t have the same relationship with your brother that you once did. You would see the jealousy towards you that he tried to hide but failed at doing so. You were alone here, friendless and when you tried to make friends they would die sooner or later. That’s why you stopped trying long ago. People feared you now. At first you had hated the feeling but now it didn’t affect you.

After the mission where you had encountered Han Solo and started having troubles you had yet to see Snoke. You were afraid to confront him because you knew that he would see right through you. He would see your troubled mind and know who you had seen. “I was told all the rebel scum were captured, well done my young apprentices.” He took a pause and you could feel his eyes on you. “Yet with as much success as the mission went, I sense trouble.” Your eyes immediately look up to meet Snokes. It was obvious he knew of what happened. “Tell us what happened my apprentice.”, he said, his eyes trained on you. You stood up and faced him.

“I saw Han Solo.” You state bluntly. Kylos head didn’t turn but his eyes shifted to see you. You swallowed thickly as you felt the tension in the air. “He tried to persuade me to betray you and our cause.” You say as you straighten your back and try to put on a confident face. “But his attempts failed.” You tried to convince him of something you yourself weren’t even convinced on.

He chuckled and the sound of his laugh sent shivers down your spine. “You say his attempts failed and yet you’re troubled with his attempts.” He goes to sit back on his chair. “You had him in front of you…. all you needed to do was to swing your lightsaber and finish your training and yet – your feelings got in the way!” He was shouting now. You did not lose eye contact as you tried to remain serious and not let your emotions seep through. “Maybe I was wrong about you, Hale Ren, maybe your brother is the stronger out of you two.” Your face falls and you bite the bottom of your lip.

“I failed you, Master. Forgive me.” You kneeled down and even though the apology was not sincere you made it seem like it was.

“Next time there will be no mistakes.” You nodded before you left the room,Kylo trailing behind you.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you saw him?” You didn’t stop walking and made him follow closely behind.

“It was not an important matter.”, you stated. He walked faster and you stopped.

“You know what Snoke will do if you betray him?!” You glared over at him.

“Like you would care!” The words just spilled out like the tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I leave and you’ll be Snokes favorite! Isn’t that what you want? Don’t you want to be loved by your Master? Well let me tell you what Kylo, he never loved you and never will! Like me you’re just another pawn on his board! He doesn’t care what happens to us he only cares what happens if he loses our power! So wake up and stop hiding under that mask of yours and face reality!” You shouted a fiery rant. Your words hurt as he had never heard anything like this coming from you. He wanted to respond something but he didn’t find the right words. You were obviously hurt and having trouble but he didn’t find the right things to say anymore. There was one thing he could try though. He extended his hand out to you so you could take it but you just looked at it and tried to storm off. Before you could he grabbed your arm. In that instant he felt everything you were feeling and saw everything you had seen. You were trying so hard to hide the light you felt that it was tearing you apart.

You slipped from his grasp and stormed off. You wiped your tears and tried to forget what you had told him because it was just out of anger towards Han, Snoke… and yourself. You regretted saying those words to him but it was late to take them back so you were going to have to leave it the way it was. If only you could leave the past the way it was and not question it.

-

Weeks had passed and it seemed that time only slowed down. With every passing day you struggled more and more. It was like you had opened your eyes for the first time in years. You couldn’t look at anything the same way. The meetings that regarded the destruction of the Resistance made you feel feelings you hadn’t felt in years. You felt regret; you felt like everything you were doing was wrong. As much as you tried to fully commit back into the darkness you couldn’t. You couldn’t ignore what your “cause” was doing.

Like now. Hux had caught some Resistance spies lurking on the base and Snoke had sent for you to execute them. Usually it would have been the job of any other lower official but Snoke knew of your still troubled mind and this was most likely a test. You approached the three spies. One of them was kneeled in front of you. You took off your hood and you could see that one of them immediately recognized you. And you recognized her. She was someone Y/N Solo knew in her childhood but now she was no one to you, nameless rebel scum. She didn’t beg for her life or look defeated in any way. She simply raised her head and moved it to an angle you could easily strike down on.

You took a deep breath and took out your lightsaber. As soon as you ignited it the familiar red light filled your surroundings. You swung it up and as you brought it down you stopped right before you hit her neck. Your hand was shaking and it was clearly notable to everyone standing nearby. She didn’t move her head but she looked at you with her eyes expecting the hit that never came. You clenched your jaw and you tried again but as you were about to do it once more your lighsaber stopped inches away from it’s target. You were torturing yourself mentally at the resistance of not being able to peform a simple execution. Again you met her eyes and this time she beared a satisfied look. You were beginning to grow angrier by the second. You tried a third time and again – you couldn’t. Your hands shook now and your eyes were getting watery.

“Move!” Hux shouted as he shoved past you. He ordered three stormtroopers to take your place. Then he ordered them to bring their blasters up and they would do it without hesitance. As they were about to shoot them you turned and walked away.

You felt embarrassed and angry at yourself. You were going to have to pay back some way for what had just happened. It was not going to go unpunished. Many thoughts ran through your head and tears filled your eyes making it unclear to see where you were going. You hated feeling this torn apart you hated barreling within yourself. You heard the blasters go off and that completely flipped something inside you. Memories of what you had done came flooding in and it made you walk unsteady. You tried to make your way into your chambers but everything seemed to go in circles. Every bad thing you had done for the First Order and Snoke were the only things you could see now. Tears rushed down your cheeks. When you bumped into someone you fell on the ground.

“Oh my gosh, oh my…. I’m so so sorry” the Stormtrooper stuttered. You looked over at him and although his face was hidden behind a mask you could tell he was afraid. You picked yourself up and looked at him. He was terrified of what would happen to him after what he had just done.

“It… it’s okay FN-2187...It - it was just an accident.” You continued walking back with your head pounding painfully. The memories were too much for you to handle. You grabbed onto the sides of your head and stopped midway. It suddenly felt like you were finally seeing everything. You were blinded before but now… now you saw everything. And you couldn’t take it. Hale Ren wasn’t you – it never was but then again you remembered Luke Skywalker was going to kill you. Ben would have never lied to you but... Kylo Ren would. In a split moment of realization you ran to your room and grabbed your belongings.

You had no idea where you were going to go but you couldn’t stay here not anymore. This wasn’t you. You couldn’t watch innocents getting killed and homes getting destroyed any longer. You could find Han Solo… your father… or your… mother but she probably wouldn’t take you in after what you had done throughout the galaxy and the pain you had caused the Resistance. Maybe you’d just go in hiding like Luke Skywalker had done after what Kylo and you had done to his temple and his students.

-

You had managed to get yourself out of the base but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to escape for long before they came after you. You had to take down some Stormtroopers but that was necessary to escape.

Just as you had thought before you knew you were being shot at by only one TIE fighter. Kylos. You swerved to the side and avoided shooting at him. He was still your brother, even after everything he had done, he was still your brother and you couldn’t kill him. You watched as he got closer behind you and shot at you again and this time he barely missed you. You were close to a planet so you aimed to go there and maybe lose him on there or maybe even...get to talk to him there. He shot again and this time he shot at one of your ships wings causing you to fall abruptly towards the planet. You held on tightly and got ready to escape before your ship crash landed. Kylo was hot on your trail as you were falling into the planet.

Before you crashed you managed to get out of the burning TIE figther and landed hard on your arm on the ground. Your ears were ringing and everything was spinning. Just a few feet away from where your TIE fighter had exploded you saw as Kylo landed. You coughed up some dirt you managed to get in your mouth when you had crash landed, then pushed yourself up, although your legs and arms were shaking at the attempt. Your head was pounding now from a headache. Kylo stood a few feet away from you and watched you get back up on your feet.

“What do you think you’re doing?”, he shouted in pure anger. You inhaled deeply, only feeling pain shoot throughout your body. “Were you going to betray Snoke?” You looked him straight in the eyes and didn’t say a word for a while. You needed to bring him with you too before it was to late. You both could be saved and leave the first order and maybe join your father ...or your mother. You couldn’t let him stay alone.

“Kylo, we need to talk.”

.

.

.

.

.

[coeurvrai]

I wonder how many pages this review/rant/scream into the void has taken up on my blog so far? Far more than it deserves, I’m sure of that much.

“But back to the point, we have to get past the Vultures to get to the king?”

Rashid glanced at Malachiasz, but nodded. Malachiasz leaned back on the chaise, pulling at his lower lip.

“That complicates things,” Nadya said. “We can’t just wait for the opportune moment. I need to know what I’m doing if this is going to work.”

Malachiasz nodded. “You’re going to go to the dinner. Watch the king. Charm the prince. He’ll be your way to get to the king. Tell me exactly what the masks on the Vultures near the king look like.”

He was going to deal with the Vultures. Fine. Good, even, because Nadya didn’t know what to do when they were involved. They were a variable she feared and did not understand.

God, if only you knew an individual who had been a part of that order/cult for a very long time and knows the intimate details of how it works and what they do.

Oh wait...

But seriously, Nadya, if you were so curious and so concerned with your lack of knowledge about the inner workings of the Vultures, you could just fucking ask Malachiasz about it. I know he’s the Black Vulture, but you have no real reason to believe that he wouldn’t just tell you. Then again, asking for common sense from this girl is like asking a block of cheese for directions.

Also Nadya wouldn’t recognise an opportune moment if it walked up right to her face and held up a bright flashing neon sign saying “opportune moment”.

Rashid stood. “I’ll go find Parijahan; you don’t have much time before dinner.”

That left just Nadya and Malachiasz.

NO! Don’t leave these two fuckers alone in a bedroom, Rashid! I don’t want to deal with what I’m sure is gonna be more focus on this stupid relationship that I neither need nor want. ED just provides us with a surplus of this damn stuff.

“You should go as well,” she said softly.

She could feel his gaze burning against her face, but she refused to look at him. She saw him stand and move toward the door out of the corner of her eye, but he changed his mind. Instead, he dropped down into a crouch in front of Nadya’s chair so he was looking up at her.

“I acted without trusting your judgment, and for that I apologize,” he said.

It’s not an apology for murdering that girl, she noted. But it was a start. It was something from this boy who obviously had no morals and no regard for anything that didn’t serve his own interests. She just wished she could understand what those interests were.

Nadya, we do not have time to once again get into your utter stupidity because it will just make myself go into a blind rage over it and that’s just not healthy. I still have like a good 150 pages to go and I cannot afford to burn myself out so, I’m just going to ignore that for now. Also, “the girl” has a name. It’s Felicíja, Nadya. I know you know it because you’ve used it before.

Also, “no regard”? Nadya, you say that like you have regard for anything else but your own interests. You don’t. You still view Tranavians as lesser than you, as unworthy of existing as they are because they have blood magic, as “heretics” because they rejected your religion and do not want it.

You can’t tell me you feel empathy and understanding towards the Tranavians, genuinely, because you haven’t gone through the character development for it - no matter what this book is trying to tell me. Unlearning biases and xenophobia is tough, unlearning any kind of systemic discrimination is tough, but you haven’t made an effort to. You haven’t. And this isn’t how to do it, anyways.

Also the moral high horse that Nadya is sitting on is eye-roll worthy. You’ve also murdered people, Nadya; I can’t say this enough.

“Nadya,” he started and stopped. He let out a frustrated breath.

Inexplicably, she felt herself soften. She reached out and threaded her fingers into his soft, black hair, letting her hand settle against the side of his head.

Why—after being so furious with him—did she find herself desperately yearning to kiss him? The heat of anger that he sparked was still felt fresh in her veins and yet she couldn’t help but gaze at the bow of his lips.

She was feeling too many things in too little time. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted whatever this was she felt for him to stop.

I want it to stop too but I know it won’t, because otherwise ED would have nothing else to write about, and we can’t have that.

I don’t know why, either. It’s stupid. You’re so abhorred by him killing Felicíja when you claim that she didn’t need to die, and that he’s undermining your agency, and you know, he’s a former Vulture and a blood mage and your enemy but yet you still get all gooey over him for no real reason.

To the point that you checked out his unconscious body before you checked whether or not he was alive.

If he was startled by her actions, he didn’t show it. He let another moment pass between them—fraught with a tension still too new to her—before he spoke. “You have to trust me, Nadya,” he said, his voice low. “I know I am everything you have been taught to hate and more. I have done terrible things in my life. If I disgust you, I understand. But—”

“We have to work together,” Nadya whispered. “All four of us, or else this whole mess of a plan will go up in smoke and we’ll all be hanged for it.”

He leaned his head into her hand and she felt herself warm. To have another person react to her touch was a peculiar feeling, a connection she had never really had with anyone. The monastery didn’t encourage relationships; one’s devotion to the gods was more important.

This was a disaster. Anyone, anyone but him. Anyone but the enemy boy who had tormented her people, who was faithless, godless, monstrous. If she tore out her own heart would this stop? If that was the thing betraying her, then she would be rid of it. Anything to stop from being pulled to this terrible boy.

This plan is an absolute mess but also you’re the one who put “the plan” in jeopardy in the first place, so you should really start pulling your weight, Nadya.

Also “the enemy boy”, I’m fucking laughing. Nadya, you could just like, stop, you know. Not acting on your attraction to people is like a thing. You act like you literally cannot help yourself but get all blushy blushy over him and you HAVE to touch him. Like, that’s not how things work.

“And you and I need to come to an understanding,” he continued. “We can be enemies when all this is over.”

It was fairly clear now that enemies wasn’t quite what they were before, and an understanding probably wasn’t going to be what either of them wanted.

Maybe she had knocked her head during the duel, but she found herself sliding her other hand up his neck to cradle his cheek. He grew very still, as if he truly thought her a little bird and sudden movement might startle her away.

“What if I don’t want to be enemies when all this is over?” she asked softly, her voice betraying her by trembling. Her heart was pounding in her throat.

Yeah, no shit “enemies wasn’t quite what they were before”, because it was a half-hearted attempt at the trope. ED couldn’t bother building it up in a believable and organic way, so she just threw it aside completely and was like “what I really want to see them is suck face!”

Also bullshit, Nadya! You’d think your gods would have something to say about that, since they’re the only reason you have power in the first place. It almost infuriates me that I had to sit through all of her xenophobia and discriminatory tirades, just for it to not bloody matter one fucking bit to her character.

Anyways, I’ll spare you guys the descriptions of them kissing. Nadya is the one who initiates the kiss and she describes kissing him as “heresy”. Because that is a word you should just throw around. Totally, ED. Totally. Also Malachiasz calls her little bird again and I hate it.

She still finds blood magic repulsive, though. She asks Malachiasz if he felt it when she accidentally used the spells, and he nods. She says he knew this could happen, since she had to draw blood to pass herself off as a blood mage. He’s like “yeah... but I mean, I didn’t think anything bad would really happen!”

Malachiasz says he’s gotta go and they’ll continue this conversation later. Good, I can’t stand another moment of your bullshit. And we get this heavily advertised quote.

“Even so. Dazzle the monsters, Nadya. You’ve already charmed the worst of the lot; the rest should be easy.”

*rolls my eyes*

This is also weirdly reminds me of that one quote from The Cruel Prince, a book I have not read and have no intention to but have heard a lot about.

“So I am to sit here and feed you information,” Cardan says, leaning against a hickory tree. “And you’re to go charm royalty? That seems entirely backward.”

I fix him with a look. “I can be charming. I charmed you, didn’t I?”

He rolls his eyes. “Do not expect others to share my depraved tastes.” 

But thankfully, Malachiasz is leaving for reals.

“I’m still mad at you,” she said, but the words felt flat.

“I know.” He grinned as he slipped his mask back over his face. He was gone before she could say anything more.

She pressed a hand to her lips, wrenching her eyes shut. There would be hell to pay for this.

Everything about this romance falls flat, so I’m not surprised. What’s the point in them being enemies-to-lovers if you’re not going to follow through with the enemies part of the trope? Oh wait, it’s for cheap angst, plus otherwise this wouldn’t be published Rey/Kylo Ren fanfiction.

Also, I doubt you’re gonna get that much of a chewing out for it, to be honest. I mean, the gods had plenty of opportunities to chew you out for your bullshit with Malachiasz and they didn’t, and that was back when they had easy access!

Anyways, that’s the end of that chapter!

[thepilotanon]

touch.

summary: “Kylo Ren was a failure, and he had a scar to prove his worthlessness.”

I...couldn’t resist? I have no excuse, I just had to write this because I know I wanted to give that emo space fridge love every time he spoke to Snoke. I hope you will enjoy it anyway! I hope to hear from you guys because I’m very happy how it turned out! Please enjoy!

tagging @kylokiwi @xmotherofbatsx @sdavid09 @starrfruit @el-eldritch @xseraphrosex @germansarechill for being supportive and super sweet like?? Why did Heaven allow you guys to leave. I won’t tag people often unless you’d want me to.

warning: mention of slavery and abuse, semi-nsfw but not detailed. Post Kylo gettin’ his sexy scar.

“You can’t hide from her forever, Commander Ren.”

Shooting a glare to the silver-armored captain, Kylo Ren was so tempted to choke Phasma before she spoke up again in the confines of the “hiding place” she found him in - an empty, unused control room. “Sooner or later, she will start to worry, and even I don’t need to have your abilities to know that you don’t want that to happen.” Keeping her gaze forward and in a ready stance, she made no move to leave his side just yet. “And, if I may be rather blunt with you...you look like shit, and can probably use her company.”

Leather gloves squeezing the metal chair he was sitting in, Kylo stared in disgust at his reflection from a metal plate on the wall. His black hair stringy from sweat, melted snow; skin damp from stress and dark shadows underneath his eyes, Kylo Ren no doubt did look like shit. It certainly didn’t help with the black bacta strips sticking down his face and into the collar of his cowl. Still kicking in the pain medication from the stitching he had finished hours prior, fighting in a airship and nearly destroyed an unwanted lifeforce he felt in his TIE Silencer, Kylo still felt the burn of the blue lightsaber’s mark on his flesh. The stench of his own burning flesh still haunting his nose and the words of his Master ringing in his ears, Kylo could barely recognize himself inside and out…

Kylo Ren was a failure.

“I won’t be held responsible of keeping her out of your way either, Commander,” Phasma added in casually. “Knowing how she is, she can slip through anyone’s grasp or make a bloody mess in a supply closet somewhere…”

It had been a good week since the last time Kylo saw his secret wife, Nova, First Order’s official trainer for personalized stormtroopers and Knights of Ren, as well as Supreme Leader Snoke’s praetorian guards at times. He knew she was informed of his return to the Supremacy, hearing he survived the destruction of Starkiller and the fight he dealt with from the scavenger girl who currently holds Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber. Any of those listed were not the bit of his worry, knowing that she wasn’t aware of the specifics of his day-to-day goals unless he were to contact her more regularly - but alas, he had been busy. No, Kylo was more worried about other matters.

Grabbing his cowl from the counter, Kylo stood from the chair. Keeping his back to Phasma, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Bring her to our quarters, Phasma. Don’t let anyone see her.”

“Of course,” Phasma nodded once before leaving the room, leaving Kylo to himself.

Nova followed closely to Phasma’s strong march, her legs moving a bit quicker to keep up with the captain’s long strides as she bounced to get the other’s attention. “How was the evacuation? Was it crowded in the ships at all? What was the weather like on the Starkiller base, Phasma? Phasma? Phasma! What was the planet like?”

“You are quite curious for one who is in the middle of a war, Nova,” Phasma sighed in her helmet, not sparing a glance as she took a sharp turn to the hallway leading to the private quarters of Commander Ren. “Certainly you have other important things to worry about.”

“Not when I’m stuck here,” Nova shook her head, reaching to hold on to Phasma’s unique cape to inspect it, pulling off a random scrap of metal. “Doesn’t feel like I’m in the middle of anything when nothing happens here…”

“You should be grateful,” Captain Phasma suggested in a mute tone, allowing the weaponry master to pluck off more scraps off her uniform as they approached the locked doors. “The Supreme Leader sees you as indispensable to keep you from fighting and the possibility of being killed. You’re safer here.”

“I’m bored here, worrying about my friend and husband,” Nova muttered lowly, bumping her forehead against Phasma’s armored back as she came to a halt. Rubbing her head as she looked up to the tall woman, she smiled innocently to Phasma’s visors. “I hope someday that I can actually join you two and be more useful to you than just mentoring others.”

The captain kept a silent gaze at her for one moment before raising a hand to rest ontop of the woman’s head, a very unusual gesture from the otherwise emotionless woman. “You mean a lot to us all, more than you realize, Nova. Appreciate that you don’t have to deal with what I have to.”

At that, Phasma turned her heel and marched back where she came, leaving Nova to watch her agily sneak out from being seen escorting her to her unpublic quarters. As much as Nova didn’t mind keeping her marriage a secret from everyone, including Supreme Leader Snoke, she did wish that there weren’t extra precaution put in place formed by her husband and friend…

Inputting the pin to enter the chamber, Nova noticed the familiar shadow not too far inside. A bright smile spreading on her lips, Nova waited until the doors hissed closed behind her before speaking with such joy. “Kylo!”

Running to his back and tackling him into an embrace, Nova buried her face into his clothed back. He smelled like his usual musky scent, a hint of burning wood and something that she could only describe as Kylo’s smell; he also carried new scents, too, from Starkiller, she guessed. It was cold and smelled wet, in a way she couldn’t really describe, but she melted into the radiating warmth he gave off. She also picked up the familiar hint of the throne room on him, making her also assume that he had spoken to Snoke before coming home to her. Nova was sure that he was stressed from seeing his Master after such a long mission.

Closing her eyes and grasping the front of his uniform, Nova sighed in relief as she nuzzled between his shoulder blades. “I’m so happy you’re home, husband. I’ve missed you so much, I thought I was going to go mad from being away from you for so long.”

He didn’t respond like he normally would, instead lifted his shaking, gloved hands to rest atop of her knuckles. His thumbs brushing her skin delicately, he hummed lowly at feeling her head shift behind him.

“Kylo?” Nova peeped curiously, trying to look over his shoulder to see his face. When he turned the other way, Nova frowned and carefully withdrew her hands. “Kylo? Why won’t you look at me? Didn’t you miss me at all?”

“I did,” Kylo said. “Very much.”

“Then, why won’t you look at me? What if I cut all my hair off or got a robotic leg you didn’t know about while you were gone?” Nova asked with narrowed brows, seeing his shoulders jump a bit to resist his chuckle. “Not that I did, but… Kylo, let me see my husband.”

“You can’t.”

“Why?”

Taking a deep breath, Kylo chewed the inside of his cheek. “During my mission,” he began, “I obtained an injury from the scavenger girl I told you about from our last discussion through the holopad. I fought against her and got injured.”

“The one the defected stormtrooper left with?” Nova watched his head nod once, making her blink. “Well, that can happen in battle, Kylo, even I know that!”

“It’s not like that, love… I don’t look the same anymore,” he ground out bitterly, hating himself for losing his stoic tone so easily in her presence. “I don’t want you to see me like this. I look too different, and…”

He didn’t move when Nova scurried around him - he couldn’t. He knew he would have to show his wife what happened to him eventually, as much as it would hurt him to see her react.

Shutting his eyes as soon as hers looked up to his face, Kylo bit his bottom lip and waited…

Feeling her soft hands touch his chin and began to lightly skim along his jaw, forcing him to crack his eyes open as she tilt her head with simple curiosity. Her fingers hovered over the black strips for a moment before she poked his nose, a little smile quirked on her lips.

“My husband still has his nose that I love to kiss,” Nova announced. Her palms pressed against the fat of his cheeks and her fingers slipped into his hair to touch his hidden ears. “And the big ears I love to whisper into. Your eyes are still there, and I can still see my reflection in them; strong jaw, beauty marks and your hair...even though it’s a bit messy right now, that’s okay. You look just fine to me!”

“Stop it,” Kylo tried with furrowed brows.

Getting to her toes, Nova stared deep into his eyes. He knew what she was doing at that moment, feeling the rare caress in the back of his skull. “Whatever Snoke has said to you, I think he needs to look in the mirror and rethink how he describes people when he looks like a hairless rodent.”

“Nova,” he warned.

“Other than that, you don’t look that much different to me, Kylo,” Nova shrugged, pressing a light kiss to his tense jaw. “Still just as strong and handsome as usual.”

Kylo resisted in rolling his eyes as he shook his head at her. “Stop trying to make this better. It’s pointless in what Snoke has said - I’ve failed, and I have the scar to prove it.”

Nova frowned, going to her regular height as something changed - her eyes gave off an unusual look he wasn’t used to receiving from her, a look she would normally give to someone she was giving lessons to. Within a second, Nova shoved him back, falling to the edge of the bed before she climbed into his lap, her hands starting to undo the buttons on her uniform top. When Kylo attempted to stop her by placing his hands on her hips to still her, Nova grabbed his wrists and pushed them away before continuing. Huffing, Kylo tried to stop her again and was met with the same result.

“Wife, I’m not in the mood to -” Kylo tried to tell her, only for her hand to cover his mouth as she pressed a light kiss under his eye.

“No,” she told him in response, taking off her jacket and remaining in her bottoms and her bra. Kylo didn’t resist to stare longingly at the revealed flesh of his wife, how the dimmed lights of their room seemed to give her a heavenly glow that he adored.

Taking his hands, Nova wrapped them behind her bare back and pressed his fingers to her skin. When she placed them exactly where she wanted, she held his hands there firmly. “Feel it?”

Kylo did feel it. The slightly roughened skin that trailed a long, diagonal line across her back; his middle finger slowly dragged along the scar that filled the of it, a habit he had in those moments in the shower when they shared hot water after a long day, or when she wore a backless top and slept on her stomach while he watched her in bed. He nodded, his brows furrowing as she let go to let him touch the scar. “I do…”

“From my first owner, when I failed him in my first spar with a senior slave,” she told him. “He took a knife and had me held down while he cut me. It hurt to move for almost a month, and I still had to train. I was probably three...”

Taking his right hand, Nova then brought it to touch the curved mark on her hipbone. “When I fought against someone who tried to steal from my next owner. He threw me and I fell into a pile of broken parts to the Speeder, wasn’t that much older.”

Kylo’s thumb rubbed beside the mark before she pulled the hand up to under her breast, where a faint, long indent started from under the bra and went all the way to her shoulder blade. “This one...I actually woke up bleeding, but I believed it was from another slave I didn’t get along with trying to give me a slow death. They weren’t that smart, as you can see - it wasn’t deep enough.”

“Love…” Kylo mumbled as he shook his head.

Tilting her head back, she pointed to a discolored blotch hidden in the corner of her jaw and went to under her ear. “Acid punishment from refusing to kill another child,” she said. Adjusting her seat on his lap, spreading her legs a bit and brought his hand to her inner thigh. While she still had her pants on, Kylo knew what she was guiding him to. He had seen it many times over their time together; he had touched it before and kissed it whenever he professed his love to Nova physically. A burn mark in a shape of an X, and Nova pressed her palm on top of his hand to keep it there. Her eyes softening with a slight hesitation before speaking.

“Before you came and took me away...when I was labeled a disgrace to the people on my planet for failing my ‘purpose’ to my last owner,” she said softly. “My least favorite one and sometimes I feel ugly every time you touch me there or see it.”

Kylo swallowed at the next words she spoke. “I never told you this, but it was actually the mark to signify my chance of being executed. The females on the planet get marked on their inner thighs and the males got it on the back of their necks. If they were to draw a line all the way down my leg, then I was expected to die.”

Her hands coming to hold his face, Nova made him look at her as she gave him a smile. “If you hadn’t decided to take me, the line would have been placed,” she confessed. “Every time I feel disgusted by the failures of my marks, you remind me that it was worth going through so much pain...because I went through all that and ended up falling in love with you, Kylo.”

Her finger touched the edge of his patch, a tingling sensation came from the touch but it wasn’t painful to him. “For so long I felt as a failure with no future, and the scars reminded me of that. When you touch me and tell me praises, when you kiss my marks and look at me the way you do...you make me feel so happy because I feel like I survived and can finally feel happy.

“This mark right here,” she said softly, brushing a falling tear from his eye before it could touch the strips, “only tells me that you fought hard and came out strong. You survived and came back to me. My husband was strong enough to survive a fight so I can see him look at me and let me love him. Snoke knows nothing of your true power, Kylo, and you need to see it too.”

Kylo took a deep breath, looking down to the scars on his wife’s torso. He knew she had other ones from the past, forgotten stories that were erased from time and his touch, and he had the same. Cuts and tiny scars decorated both of their skins, and many of them are never seen by anyone else but each other in the seclusion of their chambers. Nova’s ability to close off even the strong Snoke from looking into their sanctuary to reveal their flaws and still have an attraction to each other. The feelings they share that just seemed so right with the Force bonding them together so perfectly makes him forget everything his Master throws at him. Nova makes him forget everything wrong, makes him feel important…

Kissing the corner of his lips, Nova spoke against his skin in a loving tone. “My strong, handsome husband, with his beautiful scars,” she whispered. Peppering kisses closer to the bacta patches, her fingers went to his thick hair as she massaged his sore scalp. “My husband coming back to me and making me feel important for the first time in my life. I love you, Kylo.”

Unable to hold back any more, Kylo lifted his chin to seal her lips with his in a passionate embrace, his gloved hands slipping up her back and drawing her closer and pressing their hips together. His tears fell on either of them as he brought her onto their bed with his body hovering over her; his mouth never leaving her skin as he began working on removing the rest of her clothes and add his own to the pile. He shivered at the skin-to-skin touch as his naked hands finally touched his wife, exhaling in pure amazement at how soft she felt to his touch.

Kylo Ren was not a failure. Even as Snoke continues to call him weak or a child in comparison to the scavenger girl, it would eventually mean nothing to him as soon as he reunited with his wife. To him, her words were final, and not even the strongest being in the galaxy could change that once Kylo hears her voice.

As he whispered his love for her against her skin, kissing each scar he could reach from their current position of making love, Kylo felt himself piecing back together into a stronger warrior then he was before. To him, he can take on his challenges and keep on fighting as Nova waited for his return each time. Kylo Ren can keep going.

Kylo Ren was not a failure.

A bit of backstory for the {reader} that I thought would be interesting to share and maybe deepen the bond the {reader} and Kylo have together to be compatible. I’m VERY tempted to make a mini series of how Kylo met Nova/reader for another idea - I’m all over the place, I should stop.

I hope you enjoyed this little bit of fluff and stuff and get to hear from you guys on what you thought. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read it!

[kyloripped]

Lazuli

Hey folks, I’ve had a fic rattling around on my phone for nearly a year so I thought it was finally time to post it! In honour of Mermay I have a written a small Mermaid!AU in which Hux is a grizzled sailor and Ren is a mermaid. As usual I thank @sugardaddyhux for sitting with my for hours in a coffee shop last year and helping me build the foundations of this idea. I’m nervous as I haven’t written a proper fic in a while but here goes! Here is a bit of the fic, the rest is on my Ao3. Enjoy <3

[Ao3 Link]

The ocean was boiling, rolling in anger. Any ship foolish enough to dare set sail soon felt the grizzly waves slap against their keep as the sea roared its discontent.

Armitage Hux was no fool, and yet he braved the unforgiving waves. No matter how black the sky became he would not tolerate trespassers on his land. And trespassers there were; somewhere in the mass of grey manifested the dark, unwanted outline of a ship.

Whalers or some other stubborn trawlers invaded his waters. The calm morning had been coveted by many ships, but most had the good sense to quit when they saw the dark hull of his ship stalk the waves to warn them away. Not this particular ship though, which had clung to the horizon line with some kind of irritating defiance.

The storm had caught both of them by surprise. What had begun as a trading of biting insults had been sucked away by the howling wind, had been dulled by the force of the waves shunting their keels from side to side. Hux had leaned against his stern and shouted at them to leave his waters, but the wind stole his words.

The wind now howled around them in salt bitten fury and the invading ship keeled to the side. Hux, a safer distance into the shallows, felt his breath sucked out of him as he saw the inevitable; an unseen rock smashed against the intruder’s hull. A ripping noise mixed with a crescendo of screams and the boat hovered uncertainly for a moment, suspended for one second of pure disbelief as it was silhouetted against the iron sky. Hux was clutching at the prow for dear life as he saw the water break over their stern.

There was nothing to do but watch; one moment there was a ship, the next there was great jagged hulks of debris floating against the waves. A discordant shout of, “Don’t let go of it-!” had cut through the roaring, but that could have been mere fancy. Hux clutched the damp wood as he felt the sea ready to suck his ship into its own watery maw.

But Hux was a sailor. A wind bitten, jaded thing, but a mere storm would not faze him. He leaned into the wind as he felt the boat shift, his eyes on alert for any rock or fast moving current that may rise up to thwart him. The pounding of the sea was a rhythm he loved almost as dearly as breathing. Trusting his old ship to guide him he started steering starboard towards the safe haven of the shoreline.

And then he saw it; the shape of a hand seemed to rise up out of the graveyard of scattered debris like a small beckoning flag; help. Help me. It hovered above water level before sinking, then rose up again to catch his attention.

The sight tormented him. To go back for what was quite possibly a dead body was madness, but the hand looked like it was moving. It tugged at Hux like a compass point, and before he knew it he was changing course.

When Hux had managed to heave the ship towards the shape the first thing he registered was the dark crisscross of a net floating in the water and dissecting it into squares. The next thing was that there was a man twisted in that net- a large shape pulled underwater by the cruel bonds encasing it. Hux could just see dark hair floating above the water level before it was sucked down again.

Mind in autopilot, he reached into the icy water to grab at the net. He nearly toppled overboard as it yanked away from him. Thinking it was the current, Hux just pulled harder until the rope began to rise towards him. When the face finally broke the waves Hux almost lost his grip.

The eyes were yellow. Bright and mistrustful, they narrowed as the dark lips split into a snarl. The bared teeth seemed all incisor as they glinted up at him in fury. Hux stared dumbfounded and unable to understand what exactly he was looking at.

But the creature, for creature it was, had its neck constructed by the net, the one free arm struggling to rip free from the bonds encasing the rest of him. The more he struggled the tighter the net closed in on his throat.

There also seemed to be blood billowing from a nauseating wound in the chest which made a cloud of red amongst the grey. It billowed and coalesced like ink spreading to stain everything it touched. Hux’s hands were red to the elbows as he leaned into the water.

Teeth gritted, Hux pulled at the cruel net ensnaring the creature. He knew without a doubt that it would die if he left it to be strangled in these turbulent waves. And even more, he knew that to let go now would mean losing the most important catch he may ever find in his career.

The rope cut into the blue tinged skin without mercy and there was another howl as the creature was brought above the water level. What a howl it was- it cut through mouth, then air and then bone. Struggling, Hux pulled and pulled and cursed the sea, the creature and himself for being so stupid to risk his life this way. Somehow the whole weight of the body thudded to the deck as it was hauled aboard. Face down and with dark hair spread on the salt-bitten wood, the creature did not move. Body sagging and bloodied tail motionless, the trauma of the net and turbulent sea seemed to have overcome it.

Tail. Hux gawped at the whole length of the man… no, the mermaid. He felt dizzy as the realisation came to him. The tail was an enormous, coiling mass of dark scales scratching against the decking. Bright red blood was seeping into the wood as if it were thirsty for a drink. The rest of the creature was thickly built and so huge with it that it made Hux feel hopelessly small. The broad back was crisscrossed with the pearlescent slashes of old wounds and the hands had unfurled to show sharp webbed fingers.

It needs to die, was Hux’s desperate, immediate thought. One wouldn’t haul a shark on board no matter how much that doleful black gaze cut through the heart to clutch at some kind of mercy. But this was no shark; the large dark lips were still open in a silent scream of pain even as the yellow eyes were shut. It had been a human scream that had come from that mouth. Feeling nauseous, Hux steered towards the shore.

Later on, Hux would never know how he managed to drag the creature across the sand and to his door. Some last vestige of adrenaline perhaps, or maybe he knew that it was the only way to save the creature. He pulled and heaved and a long red line was carved into the wet sand to be sucked back down by the time he reached the blue front door. The creature was still motionless, still succumbing to either injury or fatigue.

The body dragged another line of red grit on the spotless wooden floors as Hux heaved him towards his bathroom. The long, dark tail flopped hopelessly behind them, and Hux saw with a jolt that the tip of his marvellously long fin was torn to shreds. His legs tingled in some kind of hopeless empathy as they entered the bathroom.

Across the white tiles they went. The huge body thumped heavily to the floor as Hux let go, rolling his shoulders and grimacing at the ache there. He stretched out to turn on the taps over the bath. As the water fell into the tub he turned back to the creature.

Its eyes were open.

Hux barely had time to move before the creature darted forwards. There was a horrible discordant screech bouncing around the bathroom as it writhed in his direction. Hux gave a shout as he clutched the bathroom wall for safety. Jaws snapping, the beast accidentally slapped its long ruined tail against the side of the bath. The resulting groan of pain was low and long. Hux took the moment of weakness to leap over the figure and towards the door. Hearing it crash behind him, he stood in the corridor for a moment with chest heaving.

A mermaid. In his bathroom. A mermaid. His breaths began coming quicker then. Knowing that accepting the truth would most probably lead to meltdown, Hux locked the bathroom door with a shaking hand. He would think about this rationally and deal with when he had formulated a plan that did not involve him being bitten by those frightening teeth. His thoughts were accompanied by the crashes and shrieks coming from behind the locked door, but Hux was practised at ignoring unwanted things.

The next day was tense. There was the odd thump from the bathroom but otherwise the creature had seemed to slump into uneasy silence. When Hux was making himself some much needed breakfast, he wondered if the creature was hungry. The image of the flashing incisors lunging towards him killed any thought of going back into the bathroom however.

The house was eerily quiet. Hux sat on his doorstep in the afternoon to fix some fishhooks that had bent out of shape. As he absentmindedly twisted the metal he cut his thumb on the sharp barbed tip. The small bead of blood reminded him of the great slash in the creature’s chest and he all but recoiled.

When Hux's rumbling stomach prompted him to make a late lunch he threw some kippers into a pan and began frying them. He watched the fish sizzle in the butter, and his eyes were drawn to the little tails poking the sides of the pan. Did the mermaid eat fish? Hux couldn’t decide if that counted as cannibalism. But he must surely be hungry by now. He would never be approachable if Hux starved him out. Before he quite knew what he was doing, he was stood outside of his bathroom door with a plate of kippers. Feeling stupid, he pressed his ear pressed against wood and listened.

Nothing. But, no, that wasn’t quite right- there was a quiet splash coming from within. Gathering his courage, and more importantly the plate of fish, Hux turned the key.

Inside the bathroom was in utter disarray. His neatly folded towels were scattered on the floor, his bottles of shampoo and gel thrown under the sink. There was water everywhere. As Hux observed this horrifying sight, he saw that the yellow eyes were peeking up at him over the lip of the bath. Although the bath was comfortably large the creature was too big to fit in fully and his tail was flopped over the side like an enormous wet beanbag. But he had managed to dip under the water level. They regarded each other for a moment.

Hux was the first to move. Refusing to be intimidated, he walked in clipped footsteps towards the bath with the plate in hand. Stopping at the edge, he proffered it.

The yellow eyes looked up mistrustfully. Hux waited.

“Eat.” He said in a clear, slow voice.

There was one long blink at this. It took hux a few moments to realise that the creature may not understand him. He brought a hand up to his mouth and made an eating motion.

“For you. Eat.” He repeated, snapping his teeth.

There was a slight splash as the mermaid twitched at the noise. His ripped tail flicked more water into the floor. Hux sighed. This was hopeless.

He bent to leave the plate on the floor. As he walked back to the door he heard the sloshing of water which indicated that the creature had moved. He couldn’t resist turning, and when he did he saw the gleaming, blueish torso rise out of the water. The wound there was ghastly but bloodless now, and small beads of water stuck to the skin like small pearlescent beads. The yellow eyes blinked once at Hux as he retreated although he could not make out the expression sat there.

Safely outside, Hux clutched at his temples. His head hurt. He had to find some way of dealing with this creature….no. Ren. Hux’s face creased into a frown. How did he know that? His ear itched, or maybe it was some intangible place he couldn’t reach that did. He did not relish the sensation. He made his way back to his fishhooks, his mind echoing to unfamiliar word. Ren. Ren.

***

[Find the rest of the chapter on ao3!

[lumifuer]

Unlikely || Chapter 2

Pairings: General Hux x Reader Words: 2237 Warnings: Violence, choking, angst A/N: It took me so long to post a second chapter but I’ve been meaning to write this story for quite some time and I wanted to make sure it’s polished. Hope you’ll enjoy!

Series Summary: As you rise through the ranks of The First Order you find yourself drawn to a certain ginger general. But when your deepest secrets see the light of the day in the process will it be your new beginning or a bitter end?

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2

The ride in the elevator was a silent one, the air tense with anticipation and subtle hints of anxiety that you could easily pick up in both yourself and Armitage.

As you were carefully building up your defences, the general once again tore his down in order to ask one more thing of you, his voice worn but still kind. "Whatever happens, my dear, I request you do not intertwine. I'm afraid it would only make the matters worse."

He turned his head to steal a brief glance at you and you offered him a weak but reassuring smile. "I will try my best, general."

He calculated the time he's got left before the door slides open and quickly took your hand, pulling it gently to his lips to place a soft kiss on your skin. His grip lingered and you were forced to pull away because the next floor went past already, delivering you dangerously close to the throne room level. A barely noticeable sign of longing and concern surfaced on his face before it was transformed back into his usual mask. You sighed, dropping your gaze to the floor stung by this all too familiar ache in your chest.

You could no longer see his face but you knew that his spread legs and hands folded on the back were his only means to hide a light shiver going down his spine with every passing level. It made you realise just how hard this conversation might turn out to be.

And you had a bad feeling about this.

The sound of the loud ding shot through the air, letting you know it was your stop. Armitage straightened up, preparing to keep his chin up and you took a long breath to rid yourself of the remaining doubts. Your secrets were kept under a heavy layer of fear that was only partially fabricated by you consciously, and another consisting of your admiration towards the ginger general.

It was hard to remember that when you first met him the boiling hatred aimed at him was almost too apparent to contain and after the handshake you shared you battled with the urge to wash your hands immediately.

The door slid open revealing a huge throne room you've heard so much about. You looked around in awe, seeing it properly for the very first time. Needless to say, it wasn't a particularly pleasant astonishment one might feel while looking at a work of art. This place was crushing your bones under its weight. The ominous red-lit space was almost empty, echoes of your steps bounced off the walls, creating a dream-like scenery. You felt tiny and insignificant but gravest of all - ambushed.

The throne itself was situated in the middle, placed on a small platform as if the surroundings weren't enough to make sure everyone knew who was in command. The chair was dark with subtle traces of silver and you could swear you saw old blood still staining its feet as if Rey had just sliced Snoke in half moments ago. His guards who had shared their master's fate were replaced by the Knights of Ren, clothed in dark robes and rare pieces of armour wielding weapons ranging from spears to blasters alike. You noted that not an inch of their skin was visible therefore making it harder to perceive them as humans, a blatant advantage in combat.

On the throne sat Kylo Ren, the mighty Supreme Leader, the self-appointed successor of Snoke's abhorrent legacy. But in fact, he looked anything but powerful on the chair. His arms were resting on his knees rather than the armrests and he was slightly bending forward as if the thought of his back touching the same place Snoke's had was unthinkable. His face was almost expressionless, his hair falling freely on his dark eyes. The scar left by Rey's lightsaber was in a strong contrast to his pale complexion. He was like a child sitting in father's seat trying to grow to be like his role model but something was bound to be awry.

Armitage stopped abruptly, keeping a distance between him and his superior. Everyone knew it wouldn't protect him if Ren decided to add a few new bruises to the collection but you allowed him to keep up appearances.

"I heard about the base, general," Ren begun, threat and displeasure clear in his voice. "Are you still going to try to convince me your pathetic troops are worth anything?"

"Supreme Leader, I assure you--"

"You," Ren pointed at you. You stiffed, feeling the heat sweeping over your body. Kylo's eyes were dark and impenetrable and you were sure you have just been discovered. "I want you to take notes of everything happening here today. I don't trust the droids."

He wanted to turn his head away from you but something else caught his attention. His gaze lingered and it took everything you had to withstand his mental attacks. Hux turned back to look at you, his expression filled with terror, and his fists clenched. He hated the very idea of Ren recognizing your presence as if the fact alone could put you in trouble.

Apparently, Ren failed at finding something interesting because his attention was once again focused on the general in front of him but still the twitch that was supposed to hide a smile didn't escape your attention. The green eyes were still fixed on you in a frantic attempt to search for any signs of discomfort or pain. You knew he wouldn't have been able to act upon his fantasy of overthrowing Kylo but witnessing you being tortured by his abilities could have still made him try.

"General, can I get your attention?" Kylo mocked.

Armitage's lips opened and you noticed a tremble dancing on their soft surface but soon enough he faced his leader without the shadow of fear.

"Supreme Leader," he began again. "The troops are in a flawless condition and I assure you that their next mission will prove to be a  victory."

Ren scoffed and you heard a grave tone in his voice. "I don't care about your poor excuses and declarations anymore, general."

"I do not wish to--"

But he was cut off mid-sentence. Soon his hands were desperately pulling at the invisible hand locking on his windpipe as if it intended to crush it. A sob tore from his throat and it hurt you more than you'd be pleased to admit. Hux was lifted off his feet which were now dangling in the air, searching for a spot to rest his weight on but with no success. You turned your head in distaste, adding another layer on the most precious thoughts buried deep within your mind. The room was quiet and the complete silence was interrupted only by Armitage's heartbreaking efforts to break free.

When yet another raspy sob tore out of Tidge's throat you closed your eyes only to regret it a second later. Without your vision, your mind replaced your surroundings with a mental image as if enhancing the strongest individuals in the room. You could sense Ren's energy and unrelenting passion, his guards' confidence and eagerness to fight if required, and you could even taste your own panic. And what's worst of all, Hux's spirit slipping through the fingers of the unseen hand.

You stole a brief glance at Kylo even though you knew you weren't supposed to. He wasn't driven by hatred or fury and his annoyance was kept under check, and yet he wasn't stopping himself, sending the general at the edge of consciousness and risking tossing him into the sharp claws of death. He had so many opportunities to finish his existence but for some reason, he was keen on keeping Hux alive until now. What changed? And what's more important - what were you going to do about it?

You wouldn't dare to look directly at Armitage who was all too quickly fading into the void. Besides, you didn't need to see to know how hopeless he was. Once again, you shut your eyes and tried to lock those feelings away, telling yourself that it was for the best and that there was a greater cause bigger than the both of you. But it took one mere memory of Hux's soft smile that he allowed himself to show during one of the few particularly bad nights to break you down.

Before you could further question your actions, the general fell to the floor with a loud thud. A slimmer, delicate hand seemed to have slipped under the grim hold locked on his throat and set him free. Armitage was a panting mess, kneeling on the floor constantly shifting between losing and regaining consciousness. The bloody marks left by his own fingernails were blooming with scarlet against his pallid skin. He was barely aware of the situation but he did feel it. The familiar touch that had tended to his wounds has now saved his life. His mind was still throbbing and he couldn't connect the pieces of information but deep in his heart he already understood everything.

And so did Ren.

"I was beginning to think you'd have me kill your beloved general," he spoke, folding his arms on his back. "Thank you for saving us a rather embarrassing show."

There was no point in playing your part anymore. You looked up at him, making sure that your face was showing no signs of fear in your time of dying. Because he was going to kill you, wasn't he?

For how long did he know, you wondered. Was it before the meeting or did you betray your true purpose upon arriving here? Did it even matter?

"I should kill you with the cruellest strike, you know that, don't you?" he said with a slight smile sending a shiver down your spine. His master was dead but apparently, his teaching was meant to live on for now. "But I think it would be a waste."

Gracefully and with no sign of the previous brutality, he outstretched his hand and lifted you up off the floor. Your whole body tensed preparing for the torture to come but it never did. Kylo was looking at you with a spark of curiosity in his gaze. He didn't take you for a threat and you knew that it could be his undoing but for know, he had the upper hand. "I think your heart, unlike someone else's, can be turned."

"I wouldn't count on that," you scoffed, your stubbornness originating in pure hatred.

"So you've already taken the side, then?" he asked.

But you weren't given a chance to reply. The shuffling could be heard from the centre of the room and you focused all your strength to turn your head and determine its source. You saw Armitage, crawling to where you were being held, struggling to hide his pained expression. It didn't take long for Kylo to notice as well and with an almost bored wave of his hand, your lover was tossed on the wall, the impact rendering him unconscious. Your rage was about to break through but you knew better than that. You concentrated on the brute force trying to sneak into your mind, almost grasping at your most hidden thoughts. You wouldn't let him have it, there was too much at stake and you didn't have the privilege to give in.

His attacks ceased and his lips parted in pure amazement. "Very well, then," your body was suddenly dropped to the ground. "I'll see you tomorrow during our very first training session. We'll see if you remain loyal to the defeated then."

He left the room without a word leaving you and Armitage in the company of his guards. You weren't sure what to do next. You had anticipated it could go bad but not nearly as tragic. Ren knew everything and yet you were allowed to live.

You crawled over to Tidge's limp body, hoping to find comfort in his presence. It was foolish of you to assume he'd still be by your side after all your lies but as soon as you touched his shoulder, his green eyes opened, filled with concern and bewildered. "Did he hurt you?" were the first words he spoke and you were about to burst into laughter at the irony.

"You're the one who barely survived the conversation," you reminded him. He tried to sit up and managed to do so only with your aid. You helped him get to the elevator and the guards weren't interested in stopping you at least for now.

"Would you kindly explain this to me?" Tidge asked once you left the elevator and headed towards his quarters. You tried to search his voice for signs of hostility but failed.

"Gladly," the word was spoken with an utter belief and it surprised you but it was the truth. After months filled with lies and hiding, you were almost happy to share a bit of truth with your unlikely lover. Or at the very least, the least harmful parts of it.

Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so don’t be afraid to reblog and add your comments! ♥

Tagging: @ayo-minty-jess @kylo-ren-is-my-supreme-leader @sophiasescape  @accio-zara @trelaney  

[theresistanceandtheforce]

Chapter Fifteen: I am Ben for Her

His eyes, marred by a dark scar, glistened with tears, their expression all together apologetic but determined. His face however was crumpled with pain, his countenance displaying his inner turmoil, his lifetime of personal conflict, of a destiny that saw him torn in two halves that could never reconcile.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to grab him, to tear the lightsaber from his hands as she realized what he was about to do, but she was merely a spectator to the scene, not truly there.

Ben knelt before her, his body shaking with the inescapable fear of death that resides in us all. Shirtless from the waste up, trickles of sweat dripping down from the tips of his tangled dark hair, the muscles of his arms flexing with anxiety as they held his glowing red lightsaber to his left side.

A moment of silence passed between them as he stared into her eyes, bottom lip quivering. A tear escaped his fixated stare, slipping past the dark circles beneath his eyes, rolling down his cheek until it fell from his chin, followed by another, a stream now flowing from both.

Suddenly Ben’s face jerked with shock, his mouth falling open with a gurgled sound, as Rey watched on in horror, the glowing red of the lightsaber slicing through his side with the unnerving, yet familiar sound of searing flesh. With a movement too swift to follow the lightsaber appeared at his right, carving across his abdomen.

The image turned black as if wash away by night.

“You have got to be the most incompetent pilot I have ever met!”

“I’m sorry, but did we not just save your life? Did we not just save a bunch of people?”

“Oh yes, because ramming a ship in to a building is the best strategy.”

“Look, it was Rey's idea, and it was our only option.”

***

“Of course it was her idea,” Ben grumbled, glancing down at Rey in his arms, her limbs limply swaying as he briskly walked down the long hall of a medical centre, following behind an anxious medical droid that led the way. Behind him followed a gaggled of individuals. Trying to keep pace with him was the pilot, Dameron, a little bloodied and worse for wear, who was trying to explain what had happened. Just behind was the ex-stormtrooper practically trailing on Ben’s heels like a worried pup, chiming in with concerned comments about Rey’s well being. At the end of the odd parade was Senator Calrissian, hand on his chin, other arm resting behind his back, deep in contemplation as he listed to the pilot.

“Solo, do you have any idea who could have been behind this?” Calrissian finally spoke, fingers still stroking his chin as his bright cape trailed behind him.

Ben's face twisted with disgust at his familial name. Years of loathing his identity could not suddenly be erased with a move towards the lightside of the force. “I have an unfathomable number of enemies, who's to know. I'd have to inspect the ship and the body of the pilot. Although I will say, something about this all just does not feel like a mere assassination attempt. It feels too calculated. Your pilot here says this ship was just out of orbit, it seems too risky to linger there. And how did they know when the trial conclusion was starting and where I would be? And how was the ship not detected on any warning radar?”

Ben knelt down slightly as he passed through the doorway of a small hospital room, making sure not to bump Rey’s head or limbs in the process. The medical droid motioned for him to lay her down on a small bed as it turned around and began busying itself with equipment. Supporting her head he lay her down. Blood, now crusted, was falling off in small flakes from her forehead. Her face was dirty from the smoke that had began to suffocate the Falcon. He stared down at her, adjusting a strand of her hair out of her eyes. He wished he could scold her for her stupidity, but also wished he could commend her for her bravery. In truth it was his fault. Had his guards been down she could have warned him sooner, he could have then warned others and hoped they would believe him.

Although he could feel the worry and concern emanating from the pilot and deserter, Ben knew she would be alright. It was only a mild concussion and lots of bruising. She simply needed rest. He glanced up. Calrissian stood just outside of the doorway, staring at him. As soon as they made eye contact he flicked his head, motioning for Ben to join him in the hall. Even though her life wasn’t in danger, if he left, he did not know whether he would be able to return to her. The results of the trial were never announced. His fate may be sealed in death.

Ben looked around the room. The pilot and deserter we in a corner talking in hushed tones, ignoring him. Happy to be unobserved he knelt down and gently kissed Rey’s cheek, closing his eyes at the sensation of their contact, at the warmth of her skin. Standing abruptly he stalked out of the room, mouth in a hard-set line, arms stiff at his sides, and stopped just outside of the door.

Calrissian paused, his mouth opening as if to say something but then he closed it, looking up at Ben before finally speaking, “I have a feeling you’ll know who the pilot of that craft is, or at least, will know how to find out. I also think you’re right to be suspicious of this whole thing.”

Ben raised a brow, “...and why aren't you suspicious of me? And for that matter, why am I not flanked by guards right now? Why haven't I been taken back to my cell?” There were too many questions left unanswered, they were keeping him anxious and confrontational. He’d been kept away from the public, been isolated, and now he was spoken to like a regular person, he was treated not as Kylo Ren, but as Ben Solo, for once in a very long time by anybody but Rey.

Lando laughed, his dazzling smile flashing across his face, “Good question. Technically I am guarding you. And why might you ask is it just me? Well quite frankly the tenseness of what has been happening, the trial, the attack, I did not want you feel like a cornered Wampa with guards all around. If I hadn’t said something there would have been no chance of anyone letting you take the girl here, of walking out of that place.” He shrugged smugly, proud of the level of clout he had at Cloud City. “Either way I think I trust you kid. Under that tortured soul and intimidating front, I see your mother and father. I even see a bit of Luke in there. I definitely see my godson.”

Flashes of his night terrors streaked across Ben’s closed lids, fire, agonizing screams, death and destruction, splatters of blood maring his pale cheek, a red lightsaber in his grip. He shook the images free, face twisting in a snarl, “Well you shouldn’t trust me. That is not who I am anymore,” he spat out through gritted teeth, “I’ve turned yes, but I’ve turned for her,” he pointed behind him in to the room, “Who I am at the core has not changed, I am still Kylo Ren, but I am Ben for her, I saved those lives for her, I stayed in chains for her. I’ve done the right thing, and will do the right thing not because I believe it to be so, but because to her it is what needs to be done. I am who she wants me to be, but I am still Kylo Ren.”

Calrissian shook his head woefully, “You’re wrong. In your heart you do not believe that. I won't stand here and argue with you because I know you're too headstrong for that, just like Han, just know you’re wrong. But for your sake and mine, let’s hope, either way, you do what is right. If you're curious, you were given a prison sentence, not death, and if you can help come to the bottom of this then you may have some freedom after all. I'll have to broker some sort of deal on your behalf, but we'll see. Now come on, let’s take a closer look at that ship, and the body.” Calrissian thrust out his hand towards Ben, a security clearance pass in his palm.

***

The flurry of activity in the trial chambers had died down significantly when Lando and Ben returned to inspect the ship. The bodies of the dead had been removed, along with most of the crumbled ceiling. What remained were the two mangled ships, one half in the building, and the other outside, their fires extinguished. Dawn had broken, and through the gaping hole left by the foreign ship light shone into the room. Next to the unfamiliar ship lay the covered body of it’s pilot.  As the two came up to the wreckage Ben could hear Calrissian mumble something under his breath about the loss of his beautiful ship.

Ben circled what was left of the ship as members of the city’s security personnel in grey armor joined them. One spoke up. “It’s an MRX-BR Pacifier.”

Ben turned to the soldier annoyed, “Yes I know,” He grumbled the words, turning back to the ship.

“Well was it a part of the First Orders fleet?”

Ben scoffed, “We never would have used such outdated equipment, these ships were produced during the Imperial era. I’m not surprised only one body was found aboard, typically these are only flown by a single individual for colonization missions. It seems whoever this was simply used whatever ship they had at hand, and by the state of this particular one,” he pointed towards an undamaged section of the ship at a series of welded on scraps of metal on the hull, “it’s been given some repair. I can only assume this attack did not come from any First Order force, if any remain.” He paused, standing up straight in contemplation. “That is of course unless it was carried out by a bounty hunter.” He turned to look down at the covered body of his unknown attacker.

Crouching down next to the body Ben pulled back the white tarp covering it. The creature beneath was a familiar species to him. Standing it would have reached up to his shoulders. The creature was ape-like with a thick layer of dark green fur covering it’s muscular body. The only parts devoid of fur was the very top of its head, it’s hands and feet. The creature was clothed in an even darker green tunic and pants, torn and burned from the crash. Ben reached towards the creature which lay on its back and grabbed the collar of it’s tunic, turning it back to reveal a small, hand-stitched Bounty Hunter insignia. “Strange,” he said, almost to himself, pulling the sheet back over the creature and standing up to face Senator Calrissian and the inquisitive city security force.

“What?” A pair of soldiers ask in unison.

“It is extremely rare that a Yrashu would become a bounty hunter.” Ben eyed Calrissian who was nodding, having followed the same train of thought, but he continued for the benefit of the soldiers. “They have in the past aligned themselves with the republic and the Jedi Order for they themselves are force sensitive beings. It would be unheard of for one of their kind to stoop as low as becoming a bounty hunter considering their aversion to taking how, and how high their moral compass is.”

One of the soldiers stepped forward, their words full of venom, “And what would you know about a moral compass. I can't believe they let a killer loose among us.”

Calrissian stepped in between the soldier and Ben, sympathy in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around the soldier in a friendly fashion and steered him away from the small grouping, “Why don’t you go take a walk Jax.” The soldier nodded and walked off. Calrissian turned back to Ben. “His sister died fighting with the Resistance.” Lando whispered toward Ben before turning back to look at the body. “What do you propose?”

Ben wasn't sure what to say. Was his opinion really being asked? He hesitated for a moment before speaking up, “I propose a small contingent of forces, non-intimidating forces, travel to Baskard and talk with the Yrashu tribe there, or even talk with the human monks living among them. If anyone will know anything about this pilot or why he defected from his tribe, it will be his own kind.”

“Then that is what we shall do” Calrissian smiled, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt, “I’ll ask you men to pass on the message to Baron Administrator Vox and to the Resistance’s new lead General who may still be in Hospital Wing Y.” The soldiers gave Calrissian curt nods before turning and leaving.

Ben had a sneaking suspicion that Calrissian knew all along what conclusions Ben would draw, and that this all was a little game to play in front of the soldiers, in front of witnesses, to highlight Ben’s capabilities and benefit to the New Republic. He played along with the facade. “I’m assuming this small force would benefit from having someone already adopted in to their tribe so that talks could go much smoother?”

Lando beamed at Ben with satisfaction, “Exactly”

So the Senator remembered after all, Ben mused. He thought back on his youth and the time he had spent on Baskarn, left there to be taught by the monks and Yrashu while his parents were on yet another diplomatic mission for the Rebel Alliance. While there he was initiated through Momu and became part of the tribe until he was taken away again to be housed by another group of strangers, neglected as Leia and Hands allegiance to the galaxy seemed stronger than their allegiance to their own son, than their duty as parents. Ben's hands curled into angry fists at his sides. Although his time on Baskarn was a happy one, the history of his neglect and what it had acted as a catalyst for, what it started within him, made him seeth. Seeth for the familial years lost in the past, and for those lost in the future by his own hand. “I suppose I am to join this mission?” He said through gritted teeth.

Calrissian turned to leave the wreckage, motioning for Ben to follow, which he did. “You suppose correctly. See now I’m still formulating this plan in my head but what I’m thinking is you, the girl, once she’s recovered, the ex-stormtrooper, and the new Resistance General. He’ll need to go of course, mostly to ensure your compliance.” Calrisian, walking at a fast pace led them down a series of maze-like hallways, mostly talking to himself. “It needs to be a small force, as you said, so that it doesn’t intimidate the Yrashu, but also so that it can go undetected in the case this mission goes further than intended. Hmm yes, we wouldn't want to alert anyone that the New Republic perceives a threat now that there is some peace. If other planets are on edge they may not want to join us, especially if they think the First Order is rising again.” He paused in front of a non-descript door along a hall with other such doors. “I will plan this out and submit an official request for this mission, but I suspect we will have no qualms on the part of the new General. Convincing others to let you go may be a bit tricky but I’ve been told I have a way with words.” He gave a short chuckle. “Now this is your chambers, you are welcome to use it, or not. You are free for now until I sort things out, but I suggest you not venture from the senatorial or administrative areas of the City. You’ll be monitored of course.” The Senator played with the edges of his mustache as he spoke, his tone light-hearted. “I should be off now, there will be much to go over with others and I have some errands to run. We will inform you when Rey has awoken of course and proceed from there.” He turned to leave, cape twirling around him.

“Wait. Why are you doing all of this?” Ben couldn’t fathom. Of course Calrissian was his godfather and must feel some ties to his parents through him, but he had killed Han, Lando’s friend. He had betrayed the New Republic and the Resistance. Why wasn’t there animosity?

Calrissian paused, foot mid-step, and turned around, his face serious. “Hope played a large roll in the lives of your parents. As long as there was hope, in a single mind, there was potential for change. They are gone now, they cannot hope, and so I hope for you on their behalf.” With that he turned and left, leaving Ben behind speechless.

***

He came to her as soon as he heard she'd awoken, practically skidding across the slick floor of the medical centre despite his exhaustion. He slowed his speed however as he approached her door. The halls were empty but for the sounds of sleeping patients and buzzing medical droids rolling down the halls. He peered around the corner of her room.

It was dark except for a small orb-like lamp in the corner next to her bed, illuminating the side of her small frame. She was sitting up, hair dangling in her eyes and falling just past her shoulders. She was fussing with the robes she had been changed in to by the medical droids.

He smiled to himself. He’d seen her as a warrior, as a rival, but he’d never seen her so vulnerable and so human. He opened his mind to her and projected what he saw. As soon as the image passed from his mind to hers Rey looked up confused.

“You’re alive” She said the words almost breathlessly, her eyes scanning him over frantically before she calmed, realizing he was okay. “What, what happened?” She crossed her legs, making room for him at the end of her bed and placed her hand down, inviting him to sit.

He strode across the room with long steps and gently lowered himself down on the edge of the bed, his face in shadows. “The quick version is I was a selfish fool and only caught the end of your message. I saved as many as I could but there were a handful of casualties. Your friends are all okay. You’ve suffered a concussion and have been unconscious for a day. You also have some serious bruising here and there, as I’m sure you can feel. There is no serious damage though. We’re going to find out who that pilot was; you won’t be cooped up here for long. We fly tomorrow.” His voice was somber, he couldn’t mask his own displeasure at the way events had unfolded.

“We?” She raised a brow in question.

He stood, gathering the small pile of her belongings on a nearby counter in to his arms; his back to her. “They chose not to execute me, they chose to act as an example to the galaxy.” His tone was flat, almost emotionless. Ben turned, clutching her things in one arm, he extended the other for her. Smiling she threw the blanket back, took hold of his hand and hopped out of the bed shakily. “ I’m here now because they’ve given me a small chance at freedom if I can show that I truly have changed. If I can prove my allegiance is now with the Resistance and New Republic. Solving this attack is that chance. For now I am free, but it may not last.” He steadied her, taking her hand gently in his and wrapping it around his arm so as to better stabilize her.

Rey’s happy expression melted away, and she squinted her eyes up at him as she took hold of his arm, letting him lead her slowly down the hall of the hospital. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.” She stared up at him with seriousness, noting the dark circles under his red eyes.

He kept his eyes in front of him, avoiding her gaze. “I suppose I feel guilty without chains. I feel that I should not be allowed outside of my cage for what I’ve done. I should not be given even the small pleasure of escorting you back to your chambers, although inside it brings me immeasurable comfort.” She was right, it was true. And he did in fact speak the truth that his guilt acted as an invisible restraint upon him. But it wasn’t just the guilt that kept him from rejoicing at the potential to start new, for a second time. He didn’t trust himself to be free. Something was bubbling within him. Was it the dark side of the force like the core of a planet, melting and churning, waiting for cracks in the surface so that it may spew forth in a destructive eruption? He couldn’t be sure. Perhaps it really was the guilt of what his life had become, of the wrongs he had committed, of the lives he had taken. Possibly he has just spent so long being Kylo Ren, acting under the assumption that he was destined for greatness, that others were below him, that love was not something tangible to him. How could he be expected to act once again like a man when he had been an animal for so long.

Rey was quiet at his side. He sensed the thoughts and questions bombarding her mind, but she remained silent. They walked in silence out of the small hospital in the senatorial quarters of the city to Rey’s chambers not too far away. Passing out of one building and in to the next, the night around them was alive as ships whirled above the city, but the halls of the buildings were silent and deserted. Ben had mapped in his mind as soon as they had arrived in Cloud City where Rey’s chambers were in case an opportunity would come to see her, in case she was in danger, it had been an automatic thing to do, and so he brought them to her door without pause.

He gently untangled Rey’s arm from around his and passed her her security pass that he had been holding. She grabbed the pass and opened her door, turning around to look up at him. “Please stay.” She whispered the words, her eyes pleading.

He shook his head, extending the rest of her things towards her, “I don’t think I should.” He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t giving in to what he truly wanted, which was to hold her, be held by her, sleep soundly for once in his cursed life.

She grabbed her bloodied and burnt clothes from his arms and turned on her heels, walking in to the small living quarters, leaving the door open behind her.

Ben sighed, a small smile playing at the corners of his pout, and followed in behind her, closing the door after himself. Inside the rooms were pitch black, save for the light of Bespins two moons shining in through a number of circular windows. He slipped off his boots, and stripped off his black tunic, letting it fall to the floor and found Rey in the small bedroom, streaks of moonlight illuminating her figure as she tiredly slipped under the blankets of the bed. He followed, pulling back the covers on the other side, his body relaxing as he reached out for Rey across the bed and pulled her back up against his chest so that she was curled against his body. Knowing she was badly bruised in some places, he gently slipped his arms around her waist and tucked his face in to her neck. He inhaled deeply, finding comfort in the smell of her, Ithorian roses.  

Rey shifted slightly against him, her tired voice almost a mumble as she gently spoke. “It’s felt like a lifetime since that escape pod landed. Since we built a small fire in a cave and huddled together for warmth through the night, too uncomfortable to really sleep. After everything that’s happened, fighting you, war, death, destruction, and now the trial. All I’ve ever wanted was your arms around me. I’ve never been in love before, but that’s part of it, isn’t it? We’ve never had that. Ever. In our lives. It doesn’t seem like you’ve ever had that from your parents, I know I haven’t from mine. You can’t imagine what it feels like to have that from you now.”

He held her tighter. He could imagine. He’d never felt something like this before, the comfort of love in one's arms, the mental and physical ease, and the security of being in her bed. He hadn’t curled up in bed like this since he was a young boy, but even then his mind has been full of anxiety and frustration. Now his mind was calm, content. He closed his eyes feeling a deep sleep begin to overtake him. He could say it now with ease and certainty, it was a fact of life now, not simply a troublesome dilemma or something that caused more conflict in his already strained life. “I love you,” He whispered as he began to drift to sleep.

[omegaling]

Allez Cuisine! ~Chapter Fourteen

There’s so much negativity and discourse on my dash right now.  Here, have an update.  At least it’s something positive for a change. -omegaling

Chapter Fourteen: Bone and Bread

  Kylo turned the television remote in his hand.  It felt far more like a bomb detonator than a harmless household appliance.

  Kylo hated television and everything that went into making it.  A vast portion of his childhood memories were of blazing hot lights, great snarls of cords covering the floor like fat snakes, and too many bodies in too small a space, shouting orders and directions and constantly snapping at him for not being where he was supposed to be.  He remembered headaches and panic attacks and more broken promises than he could count.  Most accurately, he remembered crouching in a forest of audio and video equipment, watching his mother being interviewed.  It always felt like something out of a bad dream.  The woman sitting across from the TV show host looked and sounded like his mother, but the heavy makeup, harsh lighting and artificial environment made him think that she had been replaced by a robot, or one of the aliens from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.   While most children were glued to their TV for an obscene amount of time day in and day out, Kylo learned at an early age that it only served to warp people and reality into something nightmarish and barely recognizable.

That, or it snatched people away altogether, coercing them with money and fame in exchange for leaving their families for months on end so millions of strangers could be entertained for an hour a week.  Kylo swore, even before he finished losing all his baby teeth, that he would never succumb to the media’s evil clutches the way his parents had.

That same vow was broken nearly fifteen years later, undone by a signature at the end of a three hundred page contract.  It was a small price to pay in return for the full realization of all his visions and dreams.  Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if people who sold their souls to the devil thought the same thing in the beginning.

Working in television as an adult made him - if possible - loath it even more.  It was only a combination of his intense dislike of social media and post 9/11 anxiety that compelled him to keep a flat screen TV and Xfinity connection in his bedroom, and even then he only turned it on during an emergency so he could be kept up-to-date with all announcements and developments (the last time being Hurricane Sandy).  Everything else was just nonsensical noise: meaningless sporting events and screaming advertisements, over-produced and overrated serial shows, and of course, the steaming cesspool of the criminally misnamed “reality TV.”  He even went as far as to ban any discussion of television while his chefs were on the clock.  They were at Vader to cook, not to discuss the events of the previous night’s episode of American Idol (and what in the everlasting fuck as a “Honey Boo Boo?”).

The digital clock on his nightstand pinged the hour: it was now or never.  Kylo hit the power button on the remote and braced himself for the worst.

For Kylo, the only thing worse than making TV was having to watch himself on it.  It brought back too many hurtful memories of his few television debuts with his mother, when the makeup department loudly fretted about the number of moles and acne scars on his face they had to conceal, or how to best cover his ears so they weren’t his most prominent feature and how it was too bad they couldn’t do the same for his nose.  Once that was done there were still the cameramen, who complained about not being able to fit his gangle frame in the same shots as his mother.  Not matter how old he got, Kylo would only ever see the too-tall awkward teenager with disproportionate features in a too-long face, and know that people always wondered how the regal Leia Organa and the devilishly charming Han Solo failed to pass down even a single attractive gene to their only child.  Kylo would turn thirty two that year, and the memory still cut him as deep as the sharpest knife in his kitchen.

Thankfully, his attention was quickly diverted elsewhere.  Not more than a second after the Chairman called out his signature line Rey came barreling onto the screen, nearly colliding with the altar as she scooped up armfulls of the secret ingredients before bolting back to her station.

Although they were growing more comfortable around each other, Rey was still mindful about what she said and did when she was with him.  Every now and then he would catch a glimpse of that fiery spirit that first got his attention, like sunlight peeking through a crack in the wall.  It was bright and warm, and called to him like a moth to a flame.  But then she realized what she was doing and seal it away again, as though she was worried that his opinion of her would change in an instant if she slipped up. He wanted to reassure her that she didn’t have to worry about that, that he wanted her to be open with him instead of feeling like she had to hide a part of herself away, but he always refrained.  Anything that could potentially disrupt their delicate status quo was not worth the risk, so he’d just have to learn to settle with what he had.  And what he had right now was Iron Chef America.

For the next half our Kylo perched on the end of his bed, elbows on his knees and chin resting on his interlaced fingers, a small but undeniably tender smile on his face as he watch Rey tear through Kitchen Stadium like a miniaturized tornado.  He even allowed himself a chuckle at the flabbergasted look on his own face when she fixed the ice cream machine.  Her lack of experience was painfully obvious, but where he once found it aggravating he now saw her for what she truly was: a rare, precious jewel freshly unearthed, ready to be crafted into something of incalculable worth. Dameron may have gotten her started down the road to being a great chef, but it would take a certain kind of teacher to unlock her full potential.

Kylo had intended to turn off his TV before the judging began since the sous chefs had nothing to do with it, but he suddenly found himself unwilling to do so.  He would never forget how that bolt of inspiration felt when she shot him that positively wicked grin after the ice cream machine was fixed.  All of the remaining preconceptions he had of her were abolished in that instant when he recognized in her the ability to thrive off of stress and chaos rather than be beaten down by it, to accept any challenge with claws out and teeth bared.  He could practically see it unfurl in her eyes like a dark flower, ready to ensnare anyone in its thorns who dared underestimate her, and before he could fully think it through he had to - just had to - make sure everyone else knew it too.

He was not disappointed; as the sphere of dark chocolate melted away to reveal the heart of pomegranate sorbet on the inside, he knew that the judges were not looking at food, but reliving the myth of Hades and his queen and understand through that first bite why Persephone returned to her husband in the underworld year after year.

Then the camera cut away from him to train directly on Rey’s face, remaining there long enough so her bewildered expression became ingrained on the backs of his eyes.

Kylo’s blood ran cold, turning his heart into a lump of ice in his chest.  He fumbled with the remote and turned off the TV, as if doing so would erase what just happened.  The first thing he felt after the numbness abated was rage. What the hell were the post-production editors thinking?  What was the fucking point?  He was ready to seize the phone and demand the whole department be fired until a rare moment of clarity pierced through the fury and yanked him back from the edge.  No, this was his fault; he was the one who called attention to her in the first place.  The post-production team did nothing but recognize an opportunity to boost the episode’s ratings and took full advantage of it.  The damage had been done long before the footage was ever given to them.

Kylo sat shock still on his bed, breathing deeply and trying to recall the meditation techniques his uncle attempted to teach him to better control his temper.  The unique design of Walker Tower made it so no outside sounds penetrate his loft, whether it be from the busy streets below or from the other residents, wrapping him in a cocoon of silence that helped him collect his thoughts.  For when the phone call came - and come it would - he needed to be ready.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand.  The sound it made against the wood sounded like a death rattle.

He wasn’t ready.

Kylo let his phone ring twice more before he reached over to retrieve it. He already let it go for too long; Snoke detested waiting, and the last thing Kylo needed was to make this situation any worse than it already was.

Because “worse” meant dragging Rey into it.

Kylo hit the “call accept” button and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Sir.”

“Quite an interesting episode, Ren,” Snoke’s deep voice filled his head, pushing out all other thoughts.  “But I have some questions.  Perhaps you’d care to clarify them for me…”

---

“Rey, there’s someone up front who wants to…”

“Tell them to fuck right the fuck off!” Rey snarled.  

The host was sent running for cover, the rest of the message left hanging in the kitchen’s steamy air.  The rest of the cooks quickly averted their eyes and returned to their individual tasks, pretending they didn’t hear her latest outburst.  Even Finn wouldn’t look at her.

Good fucking riddance, Rey thought savagely, returning to de-boning the leg of lamb on her cutting board.  I swear if one more person comes in asking about that goddamned episode I’ll chuck them into the oven and serve them as tonight’s special.  Roast of It’s-None-Of-Your-Bloody-Business.  I’ll even have Poe translate it to Spanish so it sounds fancy.

Half of Finn’s post-episode premier prediction came true: reservations for BB8 spiked, and by the following Friday they were booked solid through the first of the year.  What he had been wrong about was they didn’t create waves on social media: they created a tsunami.  The day after the episode aired, “#kylorenmysterygirl” and “#whoisrenspersephone” were trending topics. Poe’s accountant, who also ran BB8’s website and social networking pages, reported that their Twitter feed exploded with hundreds of tweets that largely consisted of people analyzing and making theories of the real connection between Rey and Kylo Ren’s sensual final course: he was a jilted lover, it was an on-air declaration of love, or Ren was taking a shot at Poe through his sous were just a few.  Other people commented on the more direct interactions between her and Kylo during the course of the episode.  A lot of the tweets unanimously agreed that they were “totally flirting,” and one user unabashedly declared “Kylo Ren can bend me over his cutting board any time.”  Still more wondered what other parts of him were made of iron.

It was not until she walked into one of the line chefs reading “Kylo Ren looks like he wants to stuff Poe’s cute little sous chef like a Christmas goose” aloud to the rest of the kitchen staff that Rey completely lost her shit.  She grabbed the object closest to her - in this case, a large femur bone ready to be split for its marrow - and flung it clear across the kitchen.  The projectile hit the offending chef’s phone and knocked it clean out of his hand, shattering the screen in the process.  Finn and Poe were barely able to keep her from storming out of her shift.  From that moment on, Poe forbade the reading or discussing of any tweets relating to the episode while his staff was in the restaurant, which Rey was eternally grateful for (she did end up paying to replace her co-worker’s screen, and Poe did have to warn her that he’d have to write her up if he caught her throwing dangerous food items again instead of coming to talk to him first.  She saw it as a fair trade.)

But the nightmare did not end there.  Soon people actually started calling and coming in to BB8 and asking for her directly, hoping to get the first hot insight for their Kylo Ren fan sites or gossip rags from the source.  Rey sent each one of them packing as soon as she learned they were in the restaurant, restraining herself only because she didn’t want Poe’s reputation damaged because people overheard that his prep cook was crazy.  After almost a whole week of that bullshit, though, her self-control was starting to wear thin.

On top of it all was the looming inevitability of having to see Kylo again for the first time following the episode’s premiere.  They had to cancel their lesson the following week, which bummed Rey out since Monday evenings was one of the highlights of her week.  With the holidays just around the corner, Vader would be booked for private parties, charity events and high-roller fundraisers from Thanksgiving to the New Year, preparation needed to start as soon as possible, making it one long six-week headache for Kylo.  But now, after seeing the episode in its final, disastrous form, Rey was glad for the break...at least for the first twenty four hours before the Twitter shitstorm hit.  Now she had to face him with her head full of all the gross things people were saying about them on the Internet.  At first she hoped that he wouldn’t have heard any of it, what with his disdain of social media, but she knew she was only fooling herself.  He was right in the middle of the beating heart of the culinary world.  It was only a matter of time before he heard of it, one way or another.

Then what?

“Rey?”

Rey rounded on the new voice, her boning knife still clutched in her fist.  Poe jumped about two feet back, hands held in front of him defensively. “Whoa there, Jakken!  The dinner rush is starting soon, so let’s not send anyone to the ER right now, yeah?”

Rey lowered the knife, blowing out a huge sigh.  “Sorry, Poe.  Someone up front is asking for me again and I am just so fucking over it.”

“See, funny thing is, that’s what I’m here to talk to you about.  She said she knew you!” he exclaimed, taking another step back from the murderous glare she gave him.  “I’m pretty sure she said her name was Maz…”

Rey was washing her hands before Poe could finish, and did not even bother to dry them before she bolted from the kitchen.

The main dining room of BB8 was only minimally occupied, so Rey spotted the tiny old woman right away.  Other than the new webs of wrinkles on her face and the steel-gray hue of her hair, Rey’s former foster mother was exactly as she remembered her; she could almost taste the graham crackers and cold milk that were always waiting for her on the kitchen table when she got home from school.  Tears flooded Rey’s eyes as her feet moved on their own accord, not stopping until she was folded in the thin arms of the only mother figure she’d ever known.

---

Poe gave Rey and extended lunch, and for the next two hours she and Maz sat on BB8’s patio beneath one of its heat lamps, eating slices of Finn’s rustic bread directly from the oven and topped with slices of lardo while they caught up on the past ten or so years they’d been separated.  

As it turned out, Maz’s visit to New York City was entirely coincidental. Breaking her hip had been a wake-up call that she was not as young as she used to be and she sure as hell was not going to be getting any younger.  As soon as her doctor gave her the okay to travel Maz made it her mission to spend her golden years seeing the world as it was meant to be seen.  In the last five years she had climbed to the summit of Machu Piccu and strolled along the Great Wall of China, watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace and volunteered to help care for orphaned children in Ghana.  Just in the past year or so she decided to visit the most famous cities and landmarks in the United States, and it was while she was in her hotel room en route to New York that she happened to catch Poe’s debut on Iron Chef America.  While the rest of her tour group headed to Ellis Island for the day, Maz sought out BB8 and her long-lost ward, who was now cooking alongside one of the most revered chefs in the country.

Thankfully, Maz didn’t want to talk about the years between when Rey was taken from her home and when she aged out of the system other than to express her regret that she was not able to keep in touch with her.  Rey was perfectly okay with pretending like those years didn’t exist, and instead told Maz all about her time at NYU, the amazing friends she made, then her cooking lessons with Poe and how it lead to her being hired at BB8.  While Finn was dropping off more bread at their table he couldn’t help but resist telling Maz about the Shrimp Incident before Rey finally chased him off.

Eventually they got around to talking about their episode of Iron Chef America.  It was one of Maz’s favorite shows, so she wanted all of the details.  At first Rey was more than happy to oblige, especially with Maz beaming at her like a proud parent, but then the conversation turned to the topic that Rey had hoped to avoid, even though she knew it wasn’t a possibility.

“Never in my life did I think that boy would turn out to be the walking mountain he is.  Han was convinced he was doomed to be a beanpole forever.”

“Who?” Rey asked half-heartedly, laying a slice of mahon cheese on some more bread.

“Han Solo’s boy, Ben.”

Rey froze, the bread halfway to her mouth.  “I didn’t know Han Solo had any kids.”

“Just the one, and no, I can’t imagine you would since he hasn’t gone by that name for maybe ten years now.  You do know him, though.”  Maz’s dark eyes sparkled mischievously behind the coke-bottle lenses of her glasses.  “He was giving you some pretty heavy-duty bedroom eyes while you were in Kitchen Stadium.”

Rey gasped so sharply she inhaled some bread crumbs, sending her into a coughing fit.  When she could finally breathe again, she choked out, “Kylo Ren’s dad is Han Solo?  The Han Solo, from Going Solo?”

“The one and the same,” Maz said, as though they were discussing nothing more interesting than the weather.

Rey remembered the time she and Kylo met at the coffee shop with the amazing croissants.  Kylo had casually mentioned that his father did a traveling TV show, but never in a million years would she ever link him to her childhood hero.  She told Maz as much, leaving out the part of it being a one-on-one meeting no one was supposed to know about.

“Did he mention his mother?”

“Kind of.  He said she was wrote food columns and is a restaurant critic…” The realization hit Rey so hard she swayed in her seat a little.  “Leia Organa is his mother.  That makes his uncle…”

“That one’s a little tougher: Luke Skywalker.”

The laugh that escaped Rey’s mouth was one of half-disbelief, half-incredulity.  “And here I was beginning to think Luke Skywalker was a myth based on how I’ve heard other chefs talk about him.”

“Man.  Myth.  Call him what you will, but no self-respecting restaurateur can deny his contribution to the hospitality culture before he retired and went into hiding.  The only other chef in the world who could possibly outdo him was his father, Anakin, and now maybe his nephew.”

Rey had not heard of Anakin Skywalker - meaning he would be Kylo Ren’s grandfather - but her head was so full of new information she did not think she was capable of taking in any more, save one.

“You said Han was worried that Ky… Ben would be scrawny his whole life.  Did he say that on one of his episodes?”

“No.  He told me himself.  Han and I go way, way back.”

As if the universe isn’t small enough already, Rey thought, slumping back in her chair.  She did not know which of the revelations was harder to process: that Kylo Ren née Ben Solo was the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and the nephew of Luke Skywalker: that Maz was a long-time friend of Han Solo and never thought to bring it up to her: or that Kylo worked for a man who had a vendetta against his mother and attempted to undermine her credibility in every way possible, and Kylo was helping him do it.  Overshadowing all these thoughts was one much larger, all-encompassing question: what had happened between Ben and his family that made him cut all ties with them and throw in with Snoke’s lot? Suddenly a handful of stupid tweets felt like a very silly and insignificant thing to worry about for the next time she saw Kylo.

Who ever thought that being a cook would be this complicated?

[littleststarfighter]

The Last Jedi thoughts spoilers ahead

Had one hell of a wonderful time seeing the last Jedi with Jeu. A lot like grey Jedi there was things I loved and thing's I was disappointed with, and all the feelings between. But going to stick to what I liked rather than negatives, because I'm tired of negatives lately. So here's some thoughts, very rambling one's as I forgot half of my impressions. I think I talked most of them with Jeu and forgot. Probably talking bollocks but here’s my initial thoughts.

Hux lives!!!! so bloody happy. Hux was certainly different, wasn't sure I'd enjoy the change in giving him a more humorous take. But felt it added some personality or warmth to him. He's still the smarmy, ruthless, bitchy shit I loved. But the film really showed he has faults, he really has no experience in leadership or hell doesn't realise when someone is messing with him. He's pretty obtuse in that regard. Hux relies on his subordinates too much in the film to tell him what's happening. The older Dreadnought commander worked out Poe was taking out the canon's, while Hux mocked the single ship daring to attack the Dreadnought. Showing how little battle experience he has unlike other older commanders. He's a little lost boy brought into a life of war by his father who hated him, to think he's bigger than he really is. One manipulated by his elders and one who is clever, ruthless, ambitious and has plans, but underneath he seems to concentrate on what's in front of him rather than think ahead, like saying to ignore Holdos ship after pettily blowing up the other failing craft. Big mistake. He doesn't understand the desperation of cornered enemies. He's Snokes perfect foil to pit against Kylo in his wanting to be recognised for his authority, in turn to make him never question Snokes authority, despite how terribly Snoke treated him. Now Kylo. I loved that Kylo showed his intelligence here in manipulating the master manipulator Snoke. He played everyone, Rey most of all. He's all lies. Still one angry child which he showed when Luke faces him. Hux of all people had to tell him he was going to far with his anger. He's a mess in the film lashing out at anyone who hurts him. Tormented still by Han and now Luke. That 'see you later kid' from Luke must have thrown Kylo. It's such a Han line. Rey rejecting him and him not understanding why brought up the mother of anger issues. The last scene of him holding Han’s dice as they fade killed me. He's so lost. Looking forward to Ren being in charge and how that shapes the first order and Hux. Mostly because of the scenes of Kylo issuing orders and Hux repeating them. Kylos look of exasperation was a classic. Makes you think about their dynamic to come because Hux isn't loyal by far,  and those two will be at odds, and throats. I know a lot of folks saw their relationship as abusive in the film. But I feel it was brought about due to both being utterly exhausted and running on fumes, nary a pause after starkiller and emotions all over from relentlessly pursuing the resistance and Snoke being a prize arsehole to both. Hux willing to shoot an unconscious Kylo and Kylo choking Hux into calling him supreme leader. They both weren't at their best. I’m not defending what Kylo did, but it seems the only way Kylo knew to best Hux in that moment and make him surrender to his will. He still has to watch out for Huxs gun from now on. (still a bit angry at the throwing Hux around scene though. Have to try and get my thoughts on that settled.) Not that the choking seemed to stop Hux issuing order's after Kylo. Hux still has faith his troopers and commanders will listen to him. And Kylo wants to succeed in his grab for power so keeps Hux around, showing him who's boss in the only way Kylo knows from both their treatment at Snokes hand. Both he and Hux will have to learn to get along or the FO will fall. Perhaps with Snoke no longer leading their rivalry they can both learn to be leaders together. But not sure they will, they're both emotional messes letting feelings of superiority and anger rule them, just Kylo is more obvious. And their story parallels Poe who had to learn fast from Leia and Holdo what it means to be a leader. But I look forward to what fandom will do with their new dynamic. My Kylux heart wants them to start to see that together they bring out the best in one another, but at each other throats they will fail. I think we can create great things with them still. Poe I loved what they did with him. I loved his journey from cocky reckless pilot to becoming leader material. He’s been fighting all his life and wants to win by any means, it takes Leia and Holdo to show him the means don't justify the end.  I loved his relationship with Leia, the caring and respect. Even when he was being a idiot hothead. Poe probably reminds her of Han. Leia was wonderful. I tried not to cry but I failed when her and Luke we're finally reunited. And holly fuck she finally used the force. Her friendship with Holdo I loved. Also being an older women I loved seeing older ladies being in charge, getting to be brave (Holdo’s fateful choice saving everyone ) A lot of Star wars women are great fully formed characters you can look up to, not just young Rey and Rose, but older Leia and Holdo. But ahhhh man Luke you wonderful angst ball. He's made mistakes, big ones, but unlike Kylo he finally faced the things hurting him and found forgiveness from Leia and within himself. That he was the one to triggered everything with Ben’s turn was a surprise. I’m not sure how they set him up, to let himself give into dark and doubt when he did the opposite to turn Vader, was something I agree with. Loved his humour poking through the angst in teasing Rey with the reed, before he got serious again. Rey I love too. She spent so long looking for her family. Always looking to find herself in them, but finding she came from nobodies. I liked that because it shows Rey is powerful on her own. She's no legacy like Kylo (maybe, it could change by the next film.). Despite all her longing and hardship of the past she see's so much good in people. I hope by the end she finds the family she needs. She very much has it with the resistance and Leia. Plus finally Finn finds her and the hug was sweet. Finn's journey was something he needed. To stop running and be fearful, find something to follow he believes in. He's true rebel scum now 😜 I just wish his arch had kept him with the rebels, he could have faced this fears without that unnecessary storyline. Rose could show how it is for them while they fight to survive. I wish the battles had been better. The bombing run was amazing, very reminiscent of old ww2 planes and pilots. They even had ball turret's. But the other ship fights weren't quite as exciting. I loved the Rebellion and was gutted they lost so much. But It's like despite everything seeming so lost like Poe say's their belief in good and family and one another will light the flame of rebellion. I am left wondering in killing off most of the resistance how they will gather more? Stormtrooper uprising next???? With Finn instigating it. Ahh I have so many thoughts. There were negatives, Phasma facing Finn sadly wasn't so good, Snoke went out like a punk ass, but I choose to stick to the positives here.

Also so many ideas to draw and a slow computer are frustrating. I'll be posting some old art I did while away to make up for slowness with new. I'm determined to do a few before Christmas strikes. So fingers crossed. Sorry for the ramble. Been away a looong time and have so much I want to talk about. Off to go watch the film again and will probably change my mind on a lot of what I typed X_X

[whimsicalworldofme]

The Undying Ember

So I’ve had this character kicking around in my brain since TFA, a young Jedi named Ava. She grew up an orphan in the Resistance with Poe and Ben and eventually trained under Luke to become a Jedi. There’s nothing wholly remarkable about her other than her Force sensitivity.  

In this particular story line I’ve created (set after the events of TLJ), Rey is trying to build up a new school of Padawans and has recruited Ava to go and retrieve Force sensitive children. But her mission goes tits up when she is captured by Kylo Ren and their interconnected past is dredged up, creating serious issues for them both. I saw a prompt about one character having kept a huge secret from another and this angsty stuff is what my brain churned out.

Please be gentle with me if you feel like commenting, this is strictly for my own enjoyment and I don’t write much fic. But I hope you’ll enjoy reading it.

Word count: 2432

No triggers that I can tell. Some serious angst though.

Images of a little boy with brown eyes, a long nose, and thick black hair flashed through their minds. He giggled and laughed, running through a field of tall yellow grass, wearing a crown of amber flowers on his head.

           “Mama!” He called out with delight and pointed to a formation of X-Wings coming in for a landing. “Baba’s home!”

           Not this, Ava tried to turn Kylo onto any other track in her mind. Anything but this.

The bond broke and Kylo staggered back, gasping for air. Ava gulped for breath herself, the strain of having to fight him out of her memories put far more of a toll on her body than she’d care to admit. When he lurched back beside her, towering over her, the snarl on his lips didn’t match the brokenness in those deep brown eyes.

           “You have a son?” He didn’t sound hurt or curious but accusatory, like she’d committed a heinous crime.

           “That’s none of your concern,” Ava said. She put up more defenses around her mind to keep him out of any and all thoughts about the boy.

           “With that pilot,” he sneered and she understood now why he took on the attitude that her child was an assault against him. “It was only a matter of time before he tried breeding more Rebel brats-”

           Ava smacked him so hard across the face that the sound of it reverberated across the room and left a red imprint of her hand on his cheek. Kylo threw her with the Force and she reached out to it herself just in time to prevent her from slamming into the wall. But Kylo was stronger and he lifted her off the ground, an invisible hand around her throat. She coughed and fought, trying to worm her way into his mind to get him to let her go but it didn’t work. Ben was gone. Kylo’s eyes burned with the same rage as the night at the temple when she’d refused to go with him to Snoke.

           “When I find the new rebel base I will personally see to it that your precious pilot and his son are annihilated like the scum they are.”

           “Your son,” Ava gasped against his hold. “Yours.”

           Those three words caught him off guard enough to give Ava some air as she dropped to the ground. Her knees and the heels of her hands hit the hard floor sending reverberating pain through her whole body. She rasped for breath and sputtered out cough after cough trying to fill her lungs.

           Kylo and Ben seemed to be at war with each other as Ava stayed there on the floor, watching the emotions roil across his face like a storm at sea. She didn’t say anything. She’d already said too much but if telling him the truth might save her son, then so be it. At least he wouldn’t be likely to try to kill the boy now.

           “Liar!” Kylo snarled and she was up in the air again.

           “Ben,” Ava clutched at her throat. “Look for yourself. See the truth.”

           The bond between their minds opened once more and Ava willed herself to relive the hardest moments of her life. Seventeen years old, meant to be training as a Jedi, suddenly feeling the presence of another life emanating from her own body. They weren’t supposed to have any form of attachments. Master Luke made them swear. The old Jedi forbade attachment altogether, but Master Luke said that they should just wait until they were done with their training to form any bonds that might distract them. That hadn’t stopped Ben and Ava from sneaking away from the temple when no one would notice they were gone. She wanted to tell Luke. He always made time for her and seemed to know what to do no matter what. But the next night Ben turned.

           The look on his face made her heart wrench even now, seeing it replayed in her thoughts. He’d begged her to join him, to become one of the Knights of Ren. He hadn’t known, couldn’t sense it yet. When she refused and cried and pleaded with him, his eyes flamed with rage and he pulled her little stone hut down on top of her. The panic enveloped her again and she hoped that right now Kylo felt every terrifying fear that she had that night. Heartache over the loss of her love, broken bones and bruises and cuts all over her body, and the terrifying thought that the baby hadn’t survived even though she somehow had. She opened her eyes and watched him. He’d loosened his hold on her and let her stand on the ground, but she was still held in place. There was something of Ben there, the boy who felt others pain too deeply, who wanted nothing more than to be reassured that he was loved despite the demons he struggled against. He was broken and confused.

           Ava turned her attention back to showing him exactly what had happened. How a group of rebels had come the site of the temple at Leia’s behest to check for survivors. How she was bloody and mangled when they dug her out of the rubble. She made sure he felt the loneliness and fear when the doctor told Leia about the baby. The General had known even before the doctor said anything and she knew whose it was too. Ava wanted Ben to feel that horrible ache she and his mother had shared as they wordlessly acknowledged that Ben was gone and they didn’t know what to do about his unborn child. She showed him the way people glared at her and gossiped about her, about how she should’ve seen how evil he truly was and that might’ve saved her from winding up in that position. And then there was the pain of the people who treated her as a pitiable urchin, clicking their tongues and shaking their heads as though she’d been stupid to fall for his advances. And Poe. Sweet, selfless Poe, who told everyone the baby was his even though no one believed it. It wasn’t remotely possible, but he’d made up a story about going to visit her at the temple and if anyone spoke ill of Ava or the baby he’d charge angrily to their defense. He’d gotten more than one black eye and official reprimand from his superiors.

           “Enough!” Kylo snapped and Ava shut down the bond between them.

           He said nothing and Ava didn’t bother trying to talk to him. What could she possibly say? She never wanted Kylo to know about her son. The less he knew the safer the child would be.

           “What’s his name?”

           “You don’t deserve to know that.” Ava didn’t care what he did to her. She wouldn’t tell him anything further.

           “I am his father!” Ben slammed his fist into the wall. “This is why you shut yourself off to the Force? To keep me from him!”

           “I’ll not have my son bent and twisted into a monster that he isn’t. I will not lose him to the dark side the way I lost his father.” Ava shouted and Ben stopped short. That painful, deep look of longing brimmed in his eyes and it made her heart hurt. “I’ve lost too much already.”

           She thought of Han who had been like a father to her, how he’d taken them out flying as little kids in the Falcon. And how he’d occasionally fall into old smuggling habits to bring them candies and toys from faraway planets. She thought of Leia who, despite not being able to spend much time away from her obligations to the Resistance, would always tell them stories about cities in the clouds or treehouse villages full of Ewoks whenever she had a chance. And Luke, always patient and loving, who delighted at their triumphs as they learned how to utilize their connection to the force. They were all gone now.

           “Kylo Ren took everyone I love from me,” she murmured. “Please don’t let him take my son too.”

           There was a pause. Ben took heavy breaths, a panic and confusion about him that Ava hadn’t seen since they were children. She knew he felt the conflict, could sense the light and the dark clawing at his heart. All control he’d had on her melted away and she felt herself able to breathe again. But there was no way of knowing what he might do next. Rey had been right about one thing, there was still good in him. She could feel it like the embers in a dying fire clinging to life, burning warm and soft. All it needed was the right fuel and Ben could be brought back. Ava didn’t want to be that fuel. She didn’t want her son to be either. If Ben Solo were to come back to life it would have to be of his own accord, his own choice. But it gave her hope.

           In a flurry Kylo grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her out of the room. She couldn’t exactly resist or fight him off. He was a foot taller and quite possibly twice her size. So she went along, unsure of where he meant to take her and if she would ever return.

           I have to find a way out. I have to find a way home.

           She refused to give up hope. Other members of the Resistance had been in worse binds than this.

           “Ready my ship,” Kylo barked an order that sent a couple of lower officers of the First Order scrambling. They were all terrified of him, Ava felt it very clearly. That sent a pang through her. As a kid, Ben had only wanted everyone to love him, his parents especially, but he always sought the approval and affection of his peers and mentors. He’d been so soft and kind. A little sassy, to be sure, but good.

           How did Snoke twist you so fully into something you’re not? She watched him wince as her thoughts reverberated in his brain. His hold on her arm tightened, his fingers digging painfully into her flesh. Next thing she knew, Ava was being shoved into the tiny space behind the pilot’s seat of Kylo’s tie fighter and they were screaming off the massive star destroyer to who knew where.

           “Where are you taking me?”

           She knew he wouldn’t reply but felt the need to ask just to keep her thoughts from completely spiraling out of control. Since talking would obviously do nothing, she decided to meditate. It didn’t take long before they landed expertly on a distant planet though Ava couldn’t quite get her bearings as to where it was in relation to the ship they’d left. It wasn’t a remarkable planet. Grassy and tranquil. There were some wild cattle looking creatures in the distance whose heads rose when Kylo marched her off the ship but they were too absorbed in their grazing to care about the two bipedal aliens in the distance.

           “Why did you bring me here?” Ava asked. It didn’t make sense. If he meant to kill her he could’ve just done it on the star destroyer. Something was amiss.  

           “You want your son safe?” He jerked her a little closer, leaning down to look her in the eye. “That’s why we’re here. You go around screaming about him on that Star Destroyer, Hux gets wind of him, he’ll be worse than dead.”

           Ava wasn’t sure she understood but something about that prick of a general struck a real, genuine fear into Ben. He had a reputation for conniving and murder but surely he feared the wrath of Kylo Ren? A son though, the right pressure, that could provide leverage. It clicked and Ava nodded to show she understood what he meant.

           “He’s what, twelve now? Is he like us?” Desperation filled his voice, his brown eyes softened as he searched her face for any sign of an answer.

           “I told you everything I’m willing to tell,” Ava insisted. A rush of wind hit them and she wrapped her arms around herself trying to stay warm. She wasn’t dressed for the chill. Her mission had been to a desert planet in search of a Force sensitive child Rey wanted to bring into her new academy. Ben took off his cowl and held it out to her, unsure of how she would react. There had been a time when they were younger that he’d wrap her up in his cloak if she caught a chill. Now they were distant, he was hesitant and she was fearful. She took the offered garment and wrapped it around her shoulders.

           “Thank you,” she mumbled.

           “I’m leaving you here,” he snapped, not wanting to seem interested in her gratitude. “Your rebel friends will no doubt come looking for you. I know Rey can sense you.”

           “I will not be bait for your trap,” Ava stood firm. She could cut herself off from the Force just as easily as before.

           “It’s not a trap,” Kylo grabbed her arm and drew her in again. She didn’t like it when he brought her closer, it made her woozy and sad. He still smelled the same and it made her heart race despite her every thought screaming that she hated him.

           “It’s a warning. Your only warning. Get your son and get far away from the Resistance, far away from the First Order. Find a planet on the outer rim and disappear.”

           He pushed her so forcefully away from him that she stumbled and fell to the ground. But he didn’t see. He’d already turned his back and with those long strides re-entered his tie fighter.

           “Ben!” Ava shouted as he shut the hatch. “Ben!” She didn’t know exactly what it was she wanted to say but suddenly she didn’t want him to go. She wanted him to come with her, wanted him to run far away. They could all go together. Of course, it was selfish. Realistically she knew she could never leave the Resistance like that, could never be that heartless. But for a brief and glimmering moment she thought of how things could have been.

           The Tie shot into the atmosphere and Ava knew that Kylo hadn’t given a single backwards glance as she called his true name. Wrapping the cowl tight around her shoulders she shut her eyes against the sting of tears.

           Luke. Your son’s name is Luke.

           The light grew a little warmer before Ben’s presence faded entirely from her reach.  

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[looselucy]

After The Storm

120 Sunlight seeped into my room, casting a golden glow that made waking a welcome pleasure for once. I was happy to find myself still in Harry’s arms, sighing softly and snuggling a little further back, so warm and content that I closed my eyes again, wanting to stay in that moment for as long as possible.

And then something hit me, and my eyes bolted open so fast, a headache thrusting its way into my mind, screaming as it went and making my body bolt upright. My stomach was churning and my heart was racing and everything went blurry. I turned around and started aggressively shaking Harry, grabbing at his shoulders and driving him to an early rouse. “HARRY, WAKE THE FUCK UP!” I scorned, seemingly even more riled when his face formed into this adorable grumpy look, pouted lips and crinkled eyes. “What? What?” He groaned. “Ren, stop!” “WAKE UP!” “I’M AWAKE! What?” “It’s morning.” “I know it’s bloody morning, and I’m tired. C’mon. Let’s go back to sleep.” “Harry, you’re not listening to me!” I cried. “It’s the fucking morning.” “Ren-” “You slept through!” His eyes finally went wide, waking up as quickly as I had, pushing himself and scrunching the sheets so he was upright, back against the headboard and chest heaving as he realised that since we had fallen asleep in one another’s arms, this was the first time he had woken since. “I slept through the night?” He questioned, looking down to the bed as though he was questioning where he was. “I… I didn’t wake up.” His hands started searching over his body, feeling and grasping at his skin as though he was convinced his body was not his own, his life was not his own. A new reality had been introduced to him, something he’d been desperate for, for years. He had been craving and longing for an existence where the blue room no longer troubled him, and for the first time in almost four years, he had slept and woken in the exact same room without any interruptions or interferences. I was shaking, watching tears fill his eyes as he held his hands out in front of him before his eyes came back up to me, and I could see that he was questioning everything, and it was beautiful to behold. “I didn’t have the dream.” A spluttered smile stretched his lips, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I didn’t see the room.” “OH MY FUCKING GOD HARRY YOU SLEPT THROUGH!” I squealed excitedly, throwing my arms into the air for a brief moment before my hands slapped against my mouth. “Oh my god I’m yelling. I’m sorry.” “I FUCKING SLEPT THROUGH, REN! WHAT THE FUCK?” I threw my body on his, straddling his hips and hugging him tightly, letting out a high-pitched squeal of pure joy and excitement as we held one another, so tightly that I was sure I was stinting my own breathing, but it didn’t matter. I was crying but I didn’t feel anything other than elation. All I could think was that even if it was a fluke, just one evening, it was still this huge moment. Even when he drank, he saw the room, it just didn’t scare him or wake him, but it was always there. He’d gone so many years being terrified by his slumber, and finally he’d had an evening where he wasn’t scared. I think we both knew that we’d seen the last of them, but for a moment it didn’t even feel like it did matter if they returned. This blissful moment was something he could embrace for what it was. “We’re such messes.” He giggled into my hair. “Bloody crying.” “Harry this is huge!” I pulled out of the embrace slightly, gripping his cheeks between my shaking hands. “You just… slept, the whole night through, without… without that fucking room. Holy shit!” “I can’t explain what I’m feeling.” He shuddered as I moved my thumbs to wipe away some of his tears, my forehead softly bumping against his. “I can’t… I feel like I can’t breathe.” I closed my eyes, trembles rushing through me, feeling everything at once, realising that my lips were just inches from his. Harry’s breathing steadied, and I noticed the small nudge of his head, like he wanted to kiss me, but he was hesitant, unsure. We stayed in that moment, the tugs in our stomachs telling us to close the gap, but we didn’t. We hovered in that very moment where you’re just about to kiss, we floated in that feeling, immersed ourselves in the excitement and fear of lips meeting lips, tongues tasting tongues. We let ourselves become lost in that pure state, our eyes closed, my hands moving to stroke through his hair, rolling my hips just slightly and feeling him react beneath me. I’d never felt a moment quite so raw, so unadulterated. I felt like I’d left my own body. His breathing became heavier, and I could tell his throat was hitching, nudging so far my way that his lips brushed mine, so lightly I gasped. He pulled away to some extent, still with his forehead to mine, but leaving a looser gap between our lips, fighting the temptations. “We… We should… stop.” He groaned breathlessly. “Okay.” “We’re getting carried away.” “Mm.” I tried to agree, but it was hard when his breath was still hot against my lips. I put my hand on his chest, feeling the harsh beat of his heart, opening my eyes again to see he was already looking at me, forcing himself to calm down. “Those golden eyes fuck me up.” He swallowed. “Every single time.” 121 Things had been weird with my parents before I finally left my family home, but they definitely weren’t bad. Just weird. Things felt very casual. Thankfully, it didn’t feel forced being that way, but I suppose it wasn’t something I was used to. Usually, the one day of the year where we all acted relatively normal was Christmas Day, and other than that there was bound to be some type of argument, and snide comments being thrown around. It was very odd to eat breakfast with them and talk calmly with them and not see my mother rolling her eyes, even once. I’d watched her, waiting for it, and when I spoke about the fact I’d recently moved in with Mo, I was expecting one of the biggest eyerolls I’d ever seen. It turned out, she seemed happy that I wasn’t living with Harry and surviving off his wage anymore. How normal it had been, was exactly what made it irregular. I didn’t know how I felt about heading back into the city. “You gotta let me know how you sleep tonight.” I said to Harry as we sat awaiting the arrival of our train. “I will, I promise.” He nodded. “I dunno though… I’ve just got this feeling that… I’ve seen the last of them.” “That’s crazy.” I shook my head, hardly able to imagine how he was feeling. “After all these years…” “It’s gunna change my life.” He was astonished by the thought. “Literally… I can’t imagine how different my days are gunna be. Just being less tired and… It’s crazy. Is it weird that I’m a bit scared?” “No.” I shook my head. “It’s a huge change. Change is always scary, good or bad.” “I guess so. And… A lot has changed recently. It’s not just the dreams like… I feel like when I get back home I’m entering this totally new stage of my life. I feel like everything’s changed and… I’m scared.” “Use it as a drive. This could be a good thing if you let it be.” I tried to encourage. “Take this as your chance to do exactly what you want to do, and stomp out the things you don’t like in your life. Change everything at once, and start afresh.” He nodded confidently, soaking in my words before he turned his head to me, looking me up and down suspiciously. I scowled back at him. “What?” I sniggered. “When did you get wise?” “Fuck off.” I giggled. “I’ve always been wise.” “I think you’re getting wiser. How good are you at taking your own advice?” “Hm… Shit, probably.” He smiled down to his lap, his dimples heavy within his cheeks, his happiness as infectious as ever as he twisted the rings on his fingers and I smiled downwards too. “How you feeling about everything?” He asked. “You’ve had some changes too.” “I actually feel good, yknow. I’m gunna try to take my own advice this time… I hope. Take some big steps forward and start afresh. It’s a good thing… I think. I mean… I’m genuinely excited to go and talk to Dr Jackson.” “Yeah, me too.” In the distance, we saw our train finally arriving at the station, the two of us getting to our feet and grabbing our bags in preparation, Harry routing through the open zip of his to find the crossword book, an action that for some reason made my stomach flip. I guess I was excited to start afresh. I was eager, in some ways, to get back and settle for the evening with Mo, to apply for more jobs and accept any offer that came my way, no matter how terrible. I wanted to begin this next stage of my life with a really positive outlook, the only thing that felt strange was the fact that I knew that Harry wasn’t going to be a part of it. He had wanted distance. He wanted the chance to fall out of love with me, and I was going to grant him that, without a fight, no matter how much it hurt me to know we really were cutting ties. It was my own decision for it to be that way, but those past few days had reminded me how much I admired him, and how his support and understanding had been such a positive part of my life. When I’d left him, I’d been too frantic and upset to realise that I was removing that, and that it was my choice to do so. But we needed our space. All our goodbyes and attempts at walking out of each other’s lives had fallen apart, and this time, we knew it needed to stick. We wandered onto the train and sat ourselves down, Harry taking the window seat this time around, and I tried to accept the fact that he would dwindle out of my life. It felt bittersweet, really. I knew it was a good thing, to let him begin this new stage of his life that I wasn’t a part of, because all I did was fuck with his head. He knew about his brother, he was on good terms with his parents, his dreams had come to an end, and he could finally begin this amazing era of his life. I didn’t want to be there dragging him through all the issues I still had. Once the train began to buckle, I turned to look at him, smiling softly as he flicked through the crossword book to find a blank page, and it was strange, because I didn’t want him out of my life, but I was happy for him, that I would be out of his. “Do you regret bringing me?” I asked nervously as we picked up speed. “No. Not at all. Why would I?” “Because… Because it’s me.” “Hey, don’t do that.” He groaned. “This is where you go wrong, Ren. You convince yourself that people have negative feelings towards when they don’t!” “But-” “I don’t care what’s happened. I don’t regret anything about us, or how I feel about you. Okay? It didn’t matter what had happened, because we care about each other. I don’t know… what we are to each other right now, or what we will be in the future, but you’re my first love. We’re there for each other and we support each other. How could I regret that?” I thought about how carried away we’d got that morning, so thrilled by the thought of his dreams ending that we so nearly kissed, and I knew we shouldn’t have gotten that way. We shouldn’t have allowed ourselves to get so close to that happening, but there was this undeniable pull there that I couldn’t shake, even when I wanted to. And I really fucking wanted to. “You… drive me fucking mad, Curls.” “What? Why?” He grinned. “You’re so… collected and civil… and… I don’t know anyone who can calm themselves down and figure their shit out in the way you can. I want that. I… envy you, so so much. How do you do that?” “I sit, and I think things through.” He shrugged, like it was nothing. “I put myself in other people’s shoes, and I try to feel what they feel. It’s not always easy, but… It helps.” I stuck my tongue out at him, which earnt me a laugh, and I liked that Harry was aware of his good qualities. He knew what he was like, and what he was good at, and where he thrived. Of course I envied him. He was everything I wanted to be. “Do you reckon you’ll be done with therapy soon?” I asked. “I mean… I think so. I hope so. I’d love to know a little bit more about the dreams but… I guess there’s no need. I imagine there’ll be some kinda… aftermath to this, and some things I could do with speaking to her about but… that might only last a session or two.” “She’s gunna be so happy for you.” I shook my head and smiled. “I need to tell everyone. Holy shit… I need to tell my mum and dad. More tears. Louis’ll probably cry as well to be honest.” “It’s because you mean so much to him.  You mean a lot to… A lot of people. Liam’s gunna have a fit!” “He will.” I felt so at ease knowing that Harry’s nights would no longer be restless. I felt so relieved to know that he would no longer be screaming and tearing at his own skin. There had been times since we broke up where I’d stirred in the middle of the night in a state of panic, feeling like he was there with me, terror outlining every inch of his body, but then I’d see I was alone on the sofas in Mo’s flat, and I’d picture him alone, and it killed me. There was no one there to wake him up, and no one there to comfort him, no one to remind him of his reality. That had passed, and I was thankful for that. 122 “Are… Are you redecorating?” I asked, trailing into his flat behind him. “Um… I dunno.” He grumbled. His flat was a mess, just like it had been the last time I was there, but maybe even worse. The art was still down from the walls, clothes and dirty dishes littered everywhere, and you’d think it would be typical for a young lad to keep his apartment that way, but Harry had always kept the place spotless. It was so beautiful in there, it was a waste to let it be a mess. “Do you… Do you want some help tidying or anything?” I offered. “Nah, I’m good. I’ll sort it, don’t worry.” He smiled softly. I nodded, hoping that now things were looking up for him, he’d be able to get even the minor things back on track. He'd asked me to come up to his flat before I went to Mo’s, and I’d predicted it was because he’d found some more of my stuff that he wanted to pass over, but as I looked around, I couldn’t spot anything obvious. There were no bags, no items I recognised as my own. I watched him wander towards the kettle, remaining close to the door. “You wanna brew?” “Um, I’m okay, thanks.” I smiled. “Is everything alright? Have I… forgotten something?” “Uh, no. I just wanted to give you this.” He wandered back over to me as the kettle began to boil, and I noticed instantly that he was reaching around to the back of his neck, toying with the silver chain attached there. “No.” I shook my head, dropping my bag. “No, Harry, I want you to keep it.” “It’s yours. I bought it for you.” He stopped ahead of me, catching the chain in his large hands. “But-” “It served its purpose.” He nodded, reaching slowly to place it around my neck, and I shivered when his skin met mine. “It made me feel strong, and now I want to give that strength back to you. I think you need it.” I watched him silently as he concentrated on fiddling the silver chain and attaching it back around my neck, and all my hairs stood on end, the shakes of my body so minute that I was hoping he wouldn’t pick up on them. He let his eyes meet mine once it was attached, keeping one hand against the back of my neck, his fingers furrowing into my hair. “I’m so proud of you,” He continued. “For coming so far, and battling some of your demons. It’s been… amazing to see you get better. But I know you think you’ve still got… some stuff to work through, and whenever you’re… struggling, or feeling down, I want you to look at this necklace, and hold it, and remember that you are strong. You’re… one of the strongest people I know.” I wept, throwing myself forward to wrap my arms around him again, Harry shushing me, and for the first time since we’d split up, I think Harry finally had some form of understanding when it came to how I felt, and why I’d done what I had when I walked away from our relationship. Maybe he had an even deeper understanding than I did. I was feeling everything far too powerfully in that moment. It wasn’t the time to face my own feelings, because too much had happened over the past few days. When he looked at me like that, colours and feelings and touches were so vivid, that I felt everything else wash away. When he touched me, even in the most innocent way, I found the rest of my life falling apart, and it was just us. So I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him, thankful that he was so understanding of who I was, and how I felt, that he didn’t hate me when he had every single reason to. “I’m so sorry for putting you through this.” I mumbled. “I dragged you with me through all my ups and downs, and I’m sorry.” “Well, you’re worth it.” He replied, and for the first time, I believed fully, that he was telling the truth. I held him as tightly as I could, not wanting the moment to end, just wanting to stay there in his arms for as long as I could. I wanted to remember that feeling, what happened to me when his strong arms held me that way, like he didn’t want to let go either. My head was spinning. I didn’t know if it was just because we’d been so close over the past few days, or because I was literally questioning everything. Every move and decision I’d made stopped making sense. I pulled away hesitantly, Harry moving his hands on my waist, his face close to mine. He swallowed, licking over his lips, his grasp on my body tightening. “Fuck it.” He huffed. With those words, he put his lips on mine. I was tugging at his clothes as we stumbled together in our rush for one another, our mouths wide and tongues greeting, my heart beating out of my chest as he roamed one hand around to my back as the other raised upwards and scraped through my hair, my moans increasing. It felt so good to be kissing him again. I hadn’t realised how much I would miss and long for the feeling it gave me. It was otherworldly, nothing I had ever experienced before and never expected to feel again. It was something I didn’t even know a kiss could create until I kissed him, this feeling within the pit of my stomach that was like everything settled and stirred at the same time. It was addictive, like smoke within my lungs and whiskey upon my tongue. Every inch of life and love that I craved was trapped between our kiss then. He backed me up against the door in a hot rage, hands lost across my body as we worked together, desperate moans and whimpers escaping both of us, and then he moved his lips to my jaw. I lolled my head back, my eyes closed and my body heating as he grabbed at me, licking and kissing his way down to my neck. Then I felt him tugging at the bottom of my jumper, lifting the material high, attempting to undress me, and the very first thing that burst into my mind was the state of my wrist. “Harry…” I gasped. “Harry, stop.” Breathless, he pulled away from me, his chest heaving as he glared down to me, brows low and once more aching to figure me out, but he couldn’t. “What?” “We… We need to stop. I’m sorry.” “I… I don’t… Fuck.” He walked away from me, pacing his flat a little before he turned back around, and I just stood there, shy and withdrawn and hurting and wishing we could have continued, but knowing it would bring so much harm to him, it wasn’t worth it. “I’m sorry.” I trembled, tears filling my eyes. “Florence Daisy Valentine… You mean everything to me.” He marched back towards me, and I felt my heart shaking. “I love you so intensely… and… I understand, if you’re not ready for that. I understand, okay? And I don’t want you to feel guilty about it. But you can’t keep… pulling me close and then pushing me back out again! It’s killing me!” “Harry-” Suddenly I was sobbing. “It fucking… it kills me to get a taste of you again. I love you so fucking much, and you keep pushing me away-” “Harry, it’s not like that! I’m sorry, I just… I can’t-” “I need you to leave, I’m sorry.” I wanted to tell him so much that it wasn’t like that. I wanted to tell him I loved him and I’d do anything for him, but the words died before they’d even allowed themselves to be processed. I wanted to pull him close, in that moment more than ever, but I couldn’t let him see my wrist. There wasn’t a chance. I had no idea how to explain myself. “No, Harry, can we please talk about this-” “Please leave. Please. I need to get over you, and… I can’t. I can’t get over you like this. I’m sorry for kissing you-” “NO! Harry, please-” “-but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. It’s too much. I’m sorry, please leave. I can’t say goodbye to you again. I just can’t.” “I don’t want to say goodbye at all!” I fought, tears spilling down my cheeks. “If you’d just let me explain-” “THEN EXPLAIN!” He yelled. “Why did you stop me? Why?” “Because… I…” I tried to think of a decent enough lie, maybe about how it was too rushed and too sudden, but we’d both been completely lost in that moment. It should have reached that next level, I knew I wanted it to, and any lie I attempted about that, he wouldn’t believe. But I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t tell him what I was hiding from him. I knew I would have done anything to keep that information from him, and even when he was yelling at me, and angry at me, it felt worth it. And then I thought, once again, about how it really was best for me to step out of his life. I think he was right; I wasn’t ready for the love he wanted to give me. I wasn’t ready to drag him through more ups and downs that I was bound to experience, because I still hadn’t found my feet, I still hadn’t figured myself out. He waited for an answer that I couldn’t give. “I’m sorry, I love you, but I need to breathe.” He shuddered. “I need to fall out of love with you, and I… I’ve not let myself. Can you please leave? I’m sorry, but-” “Okay. I’m going. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything, Harry. I’m sorry. I fucked up, I’m sorry. I fuck everything up, I know I do.” “Don’t.” His chest collapsed, his heart breaking again. “You just… You need to figure yourself out, and I think we both know you need to do it without me.” “I thought I was with you for the wrong reasons, but now I don’t know! I don’t know fucking anything, I just keep fucking up.” I hid my face in my hands, sobbing relentlessly, and he fell silent, stood perfectly still and watching me weep. I’d never felt my stomach drop like that before. I felt so weak, and stupid. I hated it. I hated everything about it and everything we’d become. I didn’t lift my face from my hands to see him approach me, I only felt his arms around me, holding me and comforting me again even though I didn’t deserve it. Never had. “Take care of yourself, okay?” He whispered. “Stop putting yourself down. You’re more amazing than you’ll ever know.” He pulled away, and as quickly as I could I grabbed at the handle behind me, picking my bag back up, still sobbing as I wormed around the doorway and out into the hall, turning to look at him briefly, hating that I’d hurt him when all I wanted to do was love him. “I’m sorry.” I shivered one last time, looking at the pain within his eyes, before I slammed the door, and left.

[hello-stensy-blog]

Political Incident : Chapter V

Armitage never held any interest in warm climates or lush vegetation before. Arkanis was known to be a cold and sad environment, and he had never left his homeland. He did not mind these traits as he did not know any better. But here, now, he knew he was not in Arkanis. He could not put his finger on what made him feel so good about the place he was currently standing in. Leaning against the balcony, he surveyed the landscape. With each lingering second, new questions sprung in his mind. He realized he had no idea where he was. He had never seen this place before. It was the absolute opposite of Arkanis. His country was dominated by cool colors, and at this moment he was too hot. He could not remember how he arrived here in the first place. As he was beginning to feel uncomfortable, he heard the crumpling of sheet behind him. With it, everything suddenly made sense and he knew where he was. The Ren’s castle in Naboo. Naboo, capital of Ren's territory. Kylo’s balcony. And Kylo was nearby. Armitage turned to see that Kylo indeed was here. He could recognize his dark locks and broad back. He was not alone. Under his massive body, Armitage could just make out a frailer one lying beneath. Armitage was no more than an observer of this intimate exchange. He found he could not look away. Therefore, he watched Kylo sin in his bed. He could only see his back and hear his deep moans, but it was enough to make him shiver. Oddly enough, the contemplation of Kylo's hip movements did not make him uncomfortable anymore, but simply (unreasonably) aroused. Kylo's partner had his legs slung around those hips, and Kylo lustfully caressed them while continuing to pleasure his partner and himself. Shortly after, Kylo turned his head to face Armitage. He had the smug smile Armitage knew well and told him, "You really should get some human contact, if you know what I mean. I’d volunteer, if you’d like." He got up then, leaving his partner behind. Armitage’s eyes widened with shock when he discovered that Kylo was in fact sinning with no other than himself, Armitage Hux. Two pairs of identical blue eyes met while Kylo approached him. Closer than ever, he stroked the confused ginger’s cheek, getting closer, and closer. As the prince of Naboo’s lips met with Armitage’s, he began to hear noises that immediately startled him away, hurtling him toward dark memories. He looked back at the bed and found that the other Armitage was now struggling in the air, hanged above the sheets he had been pleasured on just a few seconds ago. His feet were desperately trying to touch the mattress as his body swung with the effort and his throat continued to produce the most spine-chilling sounds. *********************************************** For the first time ever, Armitage Hux didn’t get up with the sun. The only thing that rose with him was a panic attack soon followed by a violent headache.

He was no longer in Naboo, he had no doubt about that. He could hear hard rain drops hitting his windows. The memories of his nightmare did not want to leave his mind and he kept seeing himself hanged above the bed. That vision was superimposed to another he once had, on a cruel morning of his childhood. His breath shortened and tears slowly ran over his face. He tried, but could not contain them.

- Wow, Hux, are you okay?

Armitage jumped at the voice rising next to him. He had not noticed Kylo Ren there, sitting on his bed. Knowing he was not alone was enough for Hux to come back to his senses. He wiped his tears and, to keep up appearances, growled at a sincerely concerned Kylo Ren:

-What do you put in your bloody liquor, Ren? -You didn’t drink that much. Two sips and you were already gone. -Ugh.

Armitage sat up and almost instantly regretted this decision. It felt like a war was happening in his head, one that he wasn't in command of.

-What are you doing in my room, anyway? -What a way to thank me for the tenderness I gave you last night.

Hux turned to him in horror. Ren giggled.

-Hux, calm down. It was a joke. You're still wearing your clothes, what are you thinking? -Oh, I am sure this kind of joke is a hit with your kind, Ren. But we don't joke like that around here.

Especially after such a TERRIBLE nightmare, Armitage thought.

-Yeah, I heard about that. Too bad for all of you. You're clearly missing out.

By the way he speaks, you can tell he has been busy sinning his entire life. This sole fact was making Hux feel nervous. He is in my room, discussing unholy things as if he is trying to get me hooked. Armitage's response to this was immediate and cold:

- The only thing we are "missing out on," as you say, is an opportunity to be hanged. So thanks, I'll pass.

Kylo Ren gawked at him. Yesterday night, when he had to bring the Hux successor back to his room, he had noticed something in him. He couldn’t unsee it now. Armitage Hux's stature called for his hold, making the ginger's rejection to it even more frustrating. He felt a heat crawl down his chest. He pictured seizing Armitage Hux, his hands on his hips, forcing him to hold his gaze. He wanted to show him how natural it was. Two boys can take care of each other. It is no outrage, despite what your father says. Kylo realized Hux was staring at him with eager eyes.

-I must change clothes, Lord Ren, and I would quite like you not in my room staring at me like a creep as I do. -Right, Kylo said, leaving quickly once he was back to his senses.

Alone at last, Hux deeply sighed.

***********************************************

As she was walking the castle’s corridor, Leia Ren heard the announcement. A few men were announcing it over and over: “The execution will take place in two hours at the castle’s main gates.” She couldn’t believe it. I have confronted Brendol Hux about the poor boy’s case last night, and all for nothing. This fool will listen to no one else but himself. And I can’t even contact Poe, as I sent him to get our forces prepared. Time is running out. What should I do?

“The execution will take place in two hours at the castle’s main gates.”

Leia sighed, thinking hard about her options. She looked up and saw her son at the end of the corridor with Jeha. They were speaking low, both looking by the opened window. She called her son out and both men turned. Kylo leaned into Jeha to whisper something while she walked toward them at a quick pace. By the time she reached the two, Jeha was bowing and leaving in a hurry. Leia and Kylo’s eyes met gravely. They didn’t have to say it out loud, they knew they shared the same concern. They could read each other’s minds by sharing a gaze, which was sometimes unfortunate for Kylo. Whenever he tried to hide something from his mother, the secrecy never lasted long.

-We have to do something about it. -I know exactly how.

Leia’s eyes opened with astonishment.

-I hope it does not involve any barbaric means. -Oh, come on! I know when to lay low, I am not just a rabid dog! -Alright! So, what is your plan, exactly?

Mother and son walked together for a time, exchanging their thoughts with low voices. They were both feeling relieved, confident about the situation now that they had moved their pawns. All they had to do was wait patiently and act as if nothing was happening.

***********************************************

Finn had no other choice but to be reminded of his upcoming death every half-hour. Even from the dungeon, he could hear the faint echo of the announcement. Only a few hours to go. Are you done with life Finn? No. Got any regrets? Lots. He heard complaints behind the door. He focused on the noises, trying to understand what was going on. His cell’s door opened with a terrifying grating sound. Two men entered. What? No, it’s too early! That’s not fair! Finn resumed his pleas where he left them few hours ago.

-No! No, please, don’t! Don’t do it! Don’t do it? -Don’t do what? Rescue you?

Wait, what? Finn was confused.

The youngest man sighed, obviously lacking of patience. He seized Finn’s arms, opening the padlock and freeing him. -We don’t have time. We’ll explain on the road. -The road? What road? I’m not getting executed? -Today is your lucky day, the other man commented as he helped Finn get on his feet. -Who are you guys? -We are knights of Ren. Our master sent us. -Aren’t you supposed to wear helmets, or…? -Wouldn’t be very wise for us to leave your cell with our masks on, don’t you think? -Right, right. So, is this real? Like, really real? -I don’t know, you tell me, the youngest one said while pinching Finn hard, which made Finn yelp in surprise. -Come on, Jeha, let’s go, whispered the other, seemingly more reasonable knight.

***********************************************

As Kylo and Leia descended the hard-stone stairs, they came across Armitage Hux. Hopefully he had not overheard any of their plotting. However, Leia did not appear unsettled by this sudden meeting.

-Your Grace, Hux said. -Armitage, Leia greeted him, Do you know where I could find your father? I would like to have a word with him. -He is getting ready in his chamber. I don’t think it’s a good idea to interrupt him, he hates delaying executions. -Man needs his morning kill, Kylo grumbled.

Armitage acknowledged him with an icy look.

-I still have to check on the prisoner before his big moment, but I am HIGHLY interested in your thoughts, Ren. Please, share them with me while we dine. After we made the bastard hang, of course.

Armitage then left with a sneer. A frustrating habit of his, Kylo noticed. Mother and Son shared a look and smiled.

-He’s going to be HIGHLY disappointed. -Let us move on, we have an execution to attend.

She offered her arm, he gladly took it and they walked triumphantly despite the pouring rain. Meanwhile Armitage, accompanied by Phasma and two of his men, went to the dungeon. When he found the empty cell, the ginger felt as if his own execution had come. To the soldiers with him, he abruptly ordered:

-Don’t let my father know. Prepare the horses and come with me. We are hunting the poacher.

***********************************************

Half an hour passed without a sign of his son. Brendol Hux was not pleased. He was even less pleased with the weather. He hadn’t foreseen the storm coming, but the signs were now there. Things had not gone the way he wanted. He had planned to hang that man by now. Although some people (Leia Ren) might not like it, Brendol did not need anyone’s approval to kill as he pleased. But now there was this storm, and his son’s disappearance, and Leia Ren looked pleased with the whole situation. He could see it in her eyes. As everyone was waiting in front of the scaffold, he could see that she was up to something. She looked too pleased. He would do anything to make all smugness disappear from her face. He pictured her, hanging up there, and that was a pleasant vision. You wouldn’t be the first woman to be hanged, sweetheart. If Armitage was here, he could testify. Don’t think you’re above my justice. Definitely losing patience, Brendol left to the dungeon only to make the most upsetting discovery. My bastard has failed me once again, but for once he is not the only one to blame. Back at the scaffold, under the downpour, Brendol Hux gave the order to his knights.

-I command you to arrest the traitor, Leia Ren!

Kylo, getting in the way of the knights to protect his mother, immediately shouted:

-You ARE NOT going near her!

Brendol’s knights drew their swords, as did did Kylo and his own. He was not afraid to take them on―they vanquished more terrible opponents before.

-Surely, we can all discuss this calmly, Leia said peacefully. -We will have all the time in the world to discuss after you are behind bars, whore.

Brendol went too far for Kylo. The Ren descendant slayed the closest knight to him with a circular slash.The first blood made people scream in the audience. Ironically, those who had gathered to see a man hang feared the impending bloodshed and they they fled the area promptly. The wind was still furiously blowing. A battle was about to begin.