#he was just scared of them. he didn't want to die
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I hate BPD so much, i hate it so much, i just want it to stop being like this.
I'll just go to sleep maybe I'll dream something nice but my god i hate my brain so much I don't even know who i am or what i need, i just want to feel okay i feel like im never enough for anyone. Im just tired and scared,ni hate how life isn't like the movies, i want my life to be a big fiction where im the protagonist, i watch movies and series and i just feel so much jealousy.
I wonder where my friends are, i wonder where my parents are. I wonder where's that childhood I've always wanted. I know I only have one chance to be alive and this is what i get? Remembering my childhood with a 8 year old me begging my mom to kill me bc i didn't want to keep being alive, i just wanted life to end at the tender age of 8 years old and my mom only laughed at me. And my dad doesn't even love me, he never did, i hate him so much as much as he hates me or even more. Idk what to do.
I ain't no perfect human, I'll never be as im sick since i was born and everywhere ill go I'll disgust everyone. Idk what to do anymore. I just want this suffering to stop. Talking isn't useful either, i just want some lovely arms to rest on and feel like I'm in the home i never had.
I hate to know how tough it is to have someone with mental illness as your friend or family, i hate to know im a burden and i hate to know that nobody will actually relate to any of my interests. The world should have stopped in 2015. i envy people that have friends and still do that bullshit of "no, im fine" and say internally "oh i love them, they're so lovely but I'll just keep quiet so i don't bother them" and their friends and family would die to know their state, selfish bullshit, i know you're sad and all but where tf did you get that idea??! I literally would die for your situation. My lord. I wish i could just have what you have. I wish i was skinny, i wish i was innocent, i wish i was a kid again and stop everything that's coming to me, i wish i had born somewhere else, i wish i wasn't me, i wish my brain wasn't like this, i wish nobody hated me, i wish i didn't hate everyone, i wish i could live, i wish my dad love me, i wish my family love me, i wish everyone love me, i wish i was a good person, i wish i was somewhere else.
I won't accept im 20 next year, I won't accept my life is ruined, I won't accept i am still alive.
I wanna be an idle teen. Something i couldn't even do. Im that autistic girl that died in her couch, that's me, it's just that nobody know it, nobody knows my parents don't care enough, nobody knows i drop off school bc of bullying and depression at 13 and that i rot in my bed.
The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.
#Spotify#SoundCloud#adolescence didn't make sense#the ugly years of being a fool#diary post#actually bpd#bpd vent#vent#I'm fucked ip#hikineet#hikikomori
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LITTLE THINGS
synopsis: when your boyfriend climbs up the very tree you hate so much, on a stormy night, all just to see you, suddenly the big bad oak tree outside doesn't seem all that intimidating
wc: 1.2k
pairings: chenle × fem! reader, established relationship
genre: fluff
warning: mentions of a storm, uses of petnames, use of the word death
notes: HAPPY CHENLE DAY! this is a little cheesy but fuck it we ball ig
You've always hated the massive oak tree outside your bedroom window, the one that likes to play these unintentional pranks on you in the middle of the night.
Branches flying and spinning as if they're about to snap off, leaves forming shapes you didn't even know existed through the window as the wind whistled behind you.
It felt eerie, like you were in those horror movies where the main lead seemed to have no common sense and jumped at the oppurtunity at getting themselves killed, like they actively sought out death.
It made you feel like danger lurked at every corner, you were caged by nothing more than the four thin walls of your bedroom, and that the curtains that masked the outside, though not particularly well, were your only form of blissful ignorance.
On the windy, less peaceful nights as you tossed and turned in bed, you didn't appreciate that massive oak tree whatsoever. Tonight, your dislike for the thing feels amplified, and you come to the conclusion that you'll be chopping it down even if it's the last thing you do. Heck, you'd get the saw and do it yourself if you could.
You don't like it, the rumbling, those loud cracks or the booming sound followed by quick, incessant flashes across the sky.
It caused shivers to run down your spine, your pupils to dilate and your eyes to be screwed shut, your fingers curling in on themselves as you cocooned yourself in the warmth of your blanket.
Simply put you don't like thunderstorms
And that darn oak tree is of no help. Especially not when there's a rather distinct shadow slowly crawling across that of the tree, one you take peaks at and look away from in turn as you slowly sink deeper into your mattress, seeing it move towards you, getting closer by the second
You swear you'd elicit a scream had it not been the dead of the night, knowing if you did, you'd get an absolute earful about it the next morning, being such a scaredy cat at your big age
There's a knocking at your window only a few moments later. You gulp.
God you did not want to die today.
"Y/n" there's a deep, hesitant whisper of your name and you can't help but curl further into the thin duvet that rests over your shaking body, by no means was it cold, but it felt protective against the storm outside, and that was reason enough for you to wrap yourself up in the blue comforter— your life practically depended on it
You're imagining things, you convince yourself, sighing and closing your eyes in attempts to drift off to sleep.
But the light treading of footsteps that grows louder and louder has you bolting your eyes open in seconds
"Oh goody, you're awake" chenle's beaming voice in your room at 2am was not what you had been expecting, you're not quite sure where he gets this much energy from in the middle of the night either, shooting him a dark glare, between your own two sleepy eyes
"You couldn't use the damn door Zhong?" your hand plants itself against your forehead as you shoot up from your bed, quietly stomping over to him to shut the window— something you'd been meaning to do for the past few hours, but had simply been too scared to do.
"Yeah well your parents hate me and I'm not sure they'd like me making my jolly old way through the front door given the hour" he rolls his eyes, setting his wet jacket down to dry
"And you think they'll like you for sneaking in through the window instead?" you whisper yell, brows somewhat furrowed
"What they don't know won't hurt them" he shrugs, a little too casually for someone who'd just parkoured their way up a tree at 2am, you hum regardless, he wasn't wrong.
"Besides they don't hate you" he takes a seat at the edge of your bed
"Now don't lie to me princess" he chuckles low and slow "we both know they hate do, especially daddio"
"Hate is a strong word, they're just not your biggest fans" you defend, letting chenle wrap you up in the spare hoodie of his he'd bought along with him "though I can't say that you calling my father, daddio is doing much to help"
"I didn't come here to talk about whether your parents approve of me" he smiles, eyes rolling yet again as he wraps his arm around you, "that's a conversation for later— right now, I'm here for you"
"At 2am on a Monday morning? we have school Chenle"
"Well correct me if im wrong princess but I'm sure you'd rather me be here than be all alone on a night like this" he says, gesturing towards the window with a tilt of his neck
"No way" you huff "i'm a big girl, a little storm won't phase me" you say proudly with a puffed chest, not that it lasts long as you practically throw yourself into chenle's arms with a muffled screech, when another strike of lightning booms above you, heartbeat erratic
chenle chuckles to himself
"What was that, a little storm, not sure about a big girl but you sure are a big baby" he laughs again, "my big baby"
You pout, "don't tease, it's scary"
You feel his hand run across your hair in attempts to ease the racing of you heart, pulling you from his chest to take ahold of your cheeks in his hands, gently caressing them with tender eyes locked into your own
His stare is strong, unlike yours, yet there's a deep rooted gentleness to those eyes that overwhelms you with calm. Chenle always knew this fear of yours made you feel pathetic, childish in fact.
"is it still scary? even when I'm here"
You respond with a shy shaking of your head
"Nothings scary when you're here," you whisper against his hold, and chenle swears, he feels his heart swell at how sweet your words are, falling from your lips so hushed, almost like they were sacred
"Not even that big bad oak tree outside?" chenle points at the horrific outline of the tree outside, earning a quick shudder from you before you tuck yourself back into his hold
"Not funny lele" you sulk
"Come on princess, it was a little" his lips tug upwards, your own smile hidden away between the material of his black hoodie
You shake your head "hate that tree with a passion"
"even if it helped me get up here?"
You shake your head again, maybe the big bad oak tree wasn't all that bad, maybe you just had to give it a chance to prove itself
"I'm glad you came" you say, pecking his cheek to affirm your gratitude
"Of course I came princess, you know I could never leave you alone on a night like this" he holds you tight against his chest, so firm you wonder whether he too thinks the wind would break through the walls and sweep you away
"Besides, I have to make sure there's no other guys sneaking in through your window"
#chenle x reader#chenle fluff#nct dream chenle#nct chenle#chenle#chenle x oc#chenle x y/n#chenle x you#nct dream x y/n#nct dream x oc#nct dream x female reader#nct dream x you#nct dream x reader#nct x female reader#nct x oc#nct x y/n#nct x you#nct x reader#nct fluff
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y'all wanted to know what happened, here is a sequel to this post:
Falling, that was the last thing he remembered, falling to his death. No, she said he wasn't going to die. Just falling.
His eyes sluggishly blink open, his vision hazy, the lights around him were too much to bear. A comforting squeeze wraps around his hand.
"E-Ev'n?" Tommy croaks, his vision still adjusting.
The squeeze becomes tighter, "No, I sent Buck home," a familiar voice soothes, "I promised I would stay with you until he actually ate and got some rest... you honestly don't know how hard he has fallen for you, do you?
Tommy's body relaxes, he knows that voice. He may not know that voice as well as he would like, but he knows it. That same voice that practically raised the man he loves. That same voice that was the soul mate to one of his oldest friends. That same voice that told him he wasn't going to die.
"Maddie?"
Tommy's vision adjusts, the room was painfully bright, machines beeped around him, his body ached from cuts and bruises. Stitches were spread across his skin. His left leg in a cast lifted above the bed, the right arm tucked into another cast. Next to him, Maddie patiently sits in one of those uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs with a cup of what smells like coffee in her hands.
"You gave us quite the scare there Tommy," Maddie weakly smiled.
"Won't happen again," Tommy chuckled, God it hurts to chuckle.
"It better not," Maddie placed her hand on his and squeezed lightly "for my brother's sake."
There was a comforting silence between them. Tommy doesn't remember much after the crash, just that it happened and with some stroke of luck made it out alive in one piece.
"H-Hey did you by any chance play that message for Evan?"
Maddie shook her head, "No I didn't."
"You promised tha-"
"No, no, no," Maddie wiggled her finger at him, "I promised in the worst case scenario that he would listen to the recording."
"You said there will be no worse case scenario."
"Was I wrong?" Maddie tilted her head.
Tommy huffed out a laugh ducking his head, "No, I guess you weren't."
"Tommy, look at me."
He forced himself to look at her, her brown eyes full of sincerity.
"Tell him everything you said, all of it."
"But Maddie," Tommy said "What if he doesn't forgive me, what if I fucked it all up beyond repair what if-"
"I am going to stop you right there. You and I both know that you can fix this. Just tell him."
Tommy weakly smiles, maybe she's right, maybe he can fix this.
"Tommy you're awake!" Evan cheered as he stood in the doorway. My God did he look like a wreck, dark circles formed under his eyes, a stubble on his cheeks, hair messy. It looked like Evan hadn't slept for days. Not that it mattered, to Tommy this was the most gorgeous person that walked on this earth. Evan rushed to Tommy’s side cupping his face. He winced at the touch still in pain from the crash.
Evan pulled away concern raising his eyebrows, "Oh, s-sorry I didn't mean-"
"No don't be," Tommy reached his unbroken hand to him, "Never be sorry Evan."
"So it's Evan now huh?"
Tommy's gaze moved to Maddie, she gave a reassuring nod getting up from her seat heading towards the door.
"I will leave you two to it," Maddie smiled.
"Hey Maddie," Tommy said.
She stopped at the door to look at him one last time before leaving.
"Thank you."
"Of course, now tell him."
She gave them privacy by closing the door behind her, Tommy and Evan gazed at each other.
"Tell me what?" Evan smiled.
Tommy patted the bed gesturing for Evan to come close, to hold him. Tommy gazed in his big blues squeezing Evan's hand wondering how he could have ever walked away from this. No more, not again. Evan was his, and he was Evan's, it was how it was meant to be.
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Excuse me? Oh no
Part 1 - curiosity
platonic!yandere!batfam x reader
Warnings: this was made with MALE reader in mind but please interpretate the gender however you like, the reader here is minor coded but no confirmed age, invasion of privacy, out of character depictions, this is a joke fic but taken seriously, mentions of kidnapping, no beta we die like jason
Dividers by aquazero
(this is a series) part one (your here) , part 2 , part 3, part 4
PLOT: you were given a phone, but your "family" can't help but feel nosy about your own privacy
You hate it here. There was no doubt to that, you have been held hostage by the Wayne's for a couple of months now and it was terrifying AND somewhat annoying. You don't these guys, you haven't met them until like when you were kidnapped, it was horrible.
They promised you can have boundaries, they broke those, privacy, you don't know they don't actually allow that, you felt like they were trying to be as considerate to you as possible for you to stay and you can't help but be in sort of awe, they are your kidnappers and despite their possessive and terrifying tendencies you felt like they geniuely cared for you (you didn't even wanna be here), so to cope with this situation you do what other people do- staying on social media.
Bruce gave you a new phone a few weeks ago and you have been obsessively using it so you could feel you have security again, not ideal nor healthy but hey, what else is there? You found a way to log in into your old Tumblr and/or Wattpad account, obviously you were trying to hide th fact from the bat family, you would be lectured for hours! So you tried to keep it in a down low, removing every search, hiding apps, deleting shit is saddening but it's for your safety and security.
Damian. He was the first to notice you spending much more time on your phone recently and as the little as he is, he tries peeking behind on what your doing but can't see clearly but he sees words? No texting- what is it your reading? "What is that?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and weirdly stern tone of voice, you flinched and quickly existed the app "o-oh! nothing." You are horrible at lying when it comes to Damian, he makes you feel.. uneasy.
Damian wasn't convinced as expected and he tries to grab the cellular device in your hand and with your idiotic instincts you slapped his hand away, he gasps and he turns irritated. That wasn't your best move. "How could you? All I want is to make sure you're safe and this is how you react?!" He huffs and now you're scared, like they are always so unpredictable when they are mad.
"i-im sorry." You apologized, you wish that Damian doesn't convince Bruce to put you back in the white room. It was torture, Damian scoffs and walks away, you were left shaking, what happened just now..? You just went back reading a stupid FNAF fic to calm your nerves (you are such a weirdo)
It was dinner time, you were eating in the so called "room" you were in everyday, Bruce said you weren't ready to eat at the dinner table, whatever that means. Alfred bought you your food, you thank him and he left, is the grandpa okay?
As you eat you listen in the conversation in the dinner table, "When will we ever have them eat over here?" Seemingly to be Dicks voice, he was the one that seemed to be the most clingy to you. "When they are ready." Bruce said to him in a stoic tone. You continue to listen in..
"Father, there's something I feel that needs your attention." Damian announces, oh no what is he going to do? Bruce perks his attention to Damian with the 'hm?' sound. "I feel that Y/N is hiding something from us. Just today they slapped my hand away when I asked." He said recalling the event from earlier.
Tim who was also here (don't forget him) looks confused "like what?" He asked, Damian always seemed so dramatic about you to Tim, Damian gave an annoying sigh "Their phone! They might be hiding something in their phone!" He shouted, "they shouldn't be keeping secrets from us, were family!" He continued to argue
Oh god.
"Damian calm down, I will handle this little situation later, if they are hiding something they aren't supposed to they are going back to the white room." Bruce exclaimed and/or added.
"Doesn't that seem a bit extreme Bruce?" Jason teased with a smirk in response with Bruce's statement, Jason may present himself as the most normal and gives you a lot of freedom but he is just as controlling and possessive as the others.
"of course not, it's for their own good." Jesus Christ he is so ominous and cryptic. This is the same guy that is seen as a good billionaire?, the family continue to eat and banter
While they were eating, you were stuck in a position, when Bruce mentioned the "white room" you don't wanna go back, you don't wanna go back. That place was awful. Your privacy is not valued.
They don't care about you, they just think they do. what can you even do?
#this took too long#yandere!batfam#yandere!batfam x reader#m!reader#rare m!reader win#batfam#batfamily#tim drake#bruce wayne#dick grayson#damian wayne#damian al ghul#jason todd#batboys#yandere!batboys#platonic#im procastinating#dude.#yandere#yandere stories#fanfic#platonic yandere#batsib!reader#IM SO SORRY YOU GUYS :((#yandere batfam
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I've been thinking about this a lot lately, so I wanted your take. LOV gets quirked into an alternate reality, where the villains haven't been traumatized, and they have wayyy different lives. Dabi is a pro hero (still hates Endeavor though just less murderous), Shigaraki...is doing something not villainous (Idk he doesn't seem like someone to pursue being a pro even without his trauma 🤔) Toga is a UA student, etc. I feel like it would be interesting to see how they would feel when meeting a luckier version of themselves.
It's an interesting concept! I will say, little baby Tenko did want to be a pro, so if I were to approach this concept he would also be a hero, but I would make him a search and rescue hero, decaying rubble off of people and stuff like that while Toya is doing his fucking best to beat his dad in the polls. Atsuhiro runs a nonprofit that works to ensure heroesand those in power are held accountable for their actions. Himiko goes to a normal high school and has lots of friends, and has had various boyfriends and girlfriends over the years. Iguchi is Tenko's best friend and sidekick. Jin's parents didn't die, letting him stay in school, and he now runs his own mechanics and doesn't have any problems with his quirk.
I think that Toga would want to kill this version of herself. They would get along for about ten minutes, and then she would realize how badly it hurts that she didn't get to have any of that and that people are scared of her and hated her all her life, and she would want to make this other her dissappear. Maybe if she drains her dry she can transform herself into a version of her that isn't broken.
Mr. Compress would be a little dismissive of what Atsuhiro is doing because policing corruption from the inside is very limiting. Direct action is needed at times to get things done. But overall he wouldn't have a strong negative reaction.
Twice wouldn't even want to be in the same room as Jin, and I think Jin seeing Twice would freak him out a lot because he hasn't ever considered that his quirk could be dangerous like that. They would both not vibe with each other for very different reasons and their interactions would be severely limited.
Spinner would see Iguchi and be a little sad. It would be so nice if the world was kinder and he'd been able to pursue his dreams, but he would see that Iguchi is still following Tenko and still trying to make the world better in his own way, and he would feel more comforted and sure of his own choices.
Tomura would viscerally hate Tenko. He is a monument to the weakness of his youth. Tenko is kind to a fault, forgiving, open, cheerful, friendly, and trusting, and Tomura would be reaching for him with all five fingers, absolutely certain the other wouldn't ever see it coming because he hasn't learned to watch out for himself the way that Tomura has had to do for so many years. If no one stops him, Tenko will be dead before they leave.
Dabi also hates Toya, but they can find common ground. Toya still burned on the mountain, still disappeared in a coma for years, but when he woke up, he went straight back home and told his dad he was 1. Alive 2. Enrolling in UA whether he liked it or not and he would tell the whole world Endeavor let his kid be kidnapped and presumed dead if he didn't let him. He fought tooth and nail to get the grades and support gear he needed to succeed, and he is making his way as a pro hero just to prove that Enji made a mistake trying to throw him away. Dabi can appreciate that, to a degree, though he tells Toya repeatedly that killing their father would be a more satisfying revenge. Dabi's rage is soothed because this Toya still doesn't have the perfect quirk (since that's something written into his very DNA I don't think it should change across universes) and he is still having to work so hard to get to his revenge. But their fundamental differences between their morals would keep them from getting along very well.
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If victim does ever get the courage to ask, do you think they would ask noogai "why did you save me? Didn't you create me to be killed?"
MAN... noogai would feel horrible if Victim asked that. just bursts out into tears because he didn't know they were even alive when he made them, he just wanted something fun to do.
it's the same thing as tormenting sims in the sims games! it's not that you want to hurt actual people, you're just... bored! you want something to do! you aren't expecting one of them to just come to life and actually try and get revenge because it was actually feeling the pain and suffering the whole time!
#tommy's foolery#i don't actually understand the thing where people torment sims that well since i didn't play the games like that (felt too bad)#but that's my understanding of it at least!#tommy's stickmen tag#tommy's aus#tommy's stick!alan#stick!noogai#he feels terrible about hurting an actual person but he knows he can't take it back#so he just. stops and tries to keep them from getting hurt any more than that#he was just scared of them. he didn't want to die#he didn't realize chosen would kill them he didn't WANT any actual people to die#he just wanted to have some fun and everything just turned into a disaster
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S2:1 and 2 make the most sense to me if Ed is terrified of mutiny.
He came back in s1 to find the crew just hoisting Izzy over the rail. He knows they turned on Izzy. He expects them to want to kill Izzy in s2 ep1, after he shoots him. When he realizes they haven't, that's when his downward spiral really begins. Because now he expects them to turn on him instead.
Because Izzy had been saying for years that Ed couldn’t handle a crew. He said he was the one who managed them whenever they wanted to mutiny; he was the one who wrangled their loyalty. He said Ed never won it. He might have even believed it. (Never mind that we don’t see Izzy wrangle them, we see Izzy tell Fang and Ivan that Ed's nuts. Ed doesn't know that.) Izzy insists they don't love Ed. And after Ed says he’ll give up piracy Izzy says that he doesn't want Ed either; that he only serves Blackbeard.
And after Ed heard Izzy, who's always told Ed he can't trust himself, he's too erratic, too distractible, he'd lose a crew the minute he lost Izzy -- after Ed heard Izzy tell him to watch his step, he is desperate to keep Izzy controlled, so Izzy can keep the crew controlled. He listened to them chant his name in 1:9 and looked afraid. The last time Ed had sent Izzy off, he'd returned with the Navy; he can't send him off for threatening him; he has to keep Izzy close. And he can't tell the crew Izzy threatened him; he has to keep him standing between Ed and the crew.
(And Ed has spent his whole life keeping hard, dangerous men off his back. It feels terribly familiar. It feels like this is just how life is.)
So in s2:2, when Izzy tells him the crew isn't happy, that he isn’t happy either, and it's because Ed loves Stede, Ed despairs. Ed thinks, I can't stop loving him. If that's what it would take, I'm never going to be good enough for Izzy. He isn’t keeping the crew happy. I can’t keep him happy. And I can't fire him. Why am I keeping him around? It can’t be worse than it is. They wanted to kill him; I should let them.
But then they won't do it. He asks Frenchie to, and says in near tears that they can just sail on together forever, fighting and looting, and Frenchie doesn't argue. He doesn't say that isn't what they want from Ed. He agrees; and then Frenchie and the rest save Izzy.
What that really means is that Frenchie is too scared of Ed to ask him what went wrong, why he came back without Stede and cast off half the crew and went wild. He doesn’t know Ed doesn’t want to be doing this. And he doesn’t choose Izzy over Ed; he isn’t trying to betray Ed. He’s just too loyal to his crewmates to kill one, even a dick.
But what Ed sees is: they all chose Izzy over me. I have no one’s loyalty. And nothing I do to keep them happy will ever be enough, and now I don't even have him covering my ass.
That's when Ed goes from depressed and drugged but functioning to fully begging someone to kill him; and on a rewatch, I really believe he's been afraid of it all along, waiting for the moment he forgets to watch his step and Izzy makes good his word, or the moment Izzy can't hold the crew off any more and they go after him again.
Ed thinks that's just how life at sea is, and that's how things are for people like him. He thought differently, once, but the only man who ever said he deserved better left him on a dock, so why wait for the others to give him the death they want to? Why not invite them to?
He asks Izzy to kill him, stop putting it off, but Izzy can't follow through on his threat. So Ed pushes the rest to do it. He’s sure they want to (the atmosphere on this ship is fucked!), that without Izzy between him and them he's done for and it might as well be now.
He has no idea they'd have been there for him if he'd asked. He no longer believes they really wanted the soft version of him who'd showed up on deck once upon a time. He thinks that version and every version of him was doomed, because there's something fundamentally wrong with him. He's soft, and people like him don't get to be.
So yeah -- I think if Izzy hadn't made him frightened of mutiny for years, then Ed would not have tried to get the crew to kill him; he wouldn't have been waiting for it. He wasn’t just suicidal because Stede was gone. He had been trained to be afraid, and he was so tired of it. He had been exhausted trying to be captain for so long; he would have willingly surrendered it, the way he tried to -- "Why are we even being pirates?" And he would have seen that he was loved.
But instead he was scared and tired to the bone. So he gives up. And it's not till Stede shows up to protect him that he feels he is safe enough to be soft again, to try and make amends and to do what he wants; and it's not till Izzy tells him at the end that he was holding Ed back and that the others have always loved him that Ed realizes he's never been alone, not on that ship. He didn’t have to be the legend Izzy demanded, or even the softer pirate Stede is. He can decide to be a fisherman, or an innkeeper, or just Ed, and he will be loved. There's always been people there who would want him, whoever he wanted to be, if he could have seen it.
Now he can see it.
#the first time i watched i interpreted the first two eps through the lens of him just thinking blackbeard is the only thing anyone wants#and wanting to die because he doesn't want to be that#but rewatching makes me remember that he wasn't just performing blackbeard because ed was rejected#he was performing blackbeard because he was SCARED#and he didn't trust them#and he got so damn tired of being scared.#it's a small shift but also a foundational one#for me#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd s2#edward teach
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#I remember Conwell and Storm.#I think they were there with me.#I didn't want to scare them but I couldn't speak or do anything.#All I could do was lay there in the mud and my own blood.#I think Conwell was the one who found me first.#I think he yelled at me but it's blurry. It's fuzzy.#But I don't think he was mad necessarily.#I think he was just.. upset?#It's blurry. I don't remember who else was there.#🥀 – “ If you must die – Die knowing your life was my life's best part. If you must die – remember your life. ” — FLORENCE MULCAHY : SHIFT
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✧
send me a ✧ and i’ll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).
i would kill you. ✧ i would physically hurt you. ✧ i would attack you unprovoked. ✧ i would manipulate you. ✧ i dislike you. ✧ you annoy me. ✧ you scare me. ✧ you intimidate me. ✧ i hope i intimidate you. ✧ i pity you. ✧ you disgust me. ✧ i hate you. ✧ i’m indifferent toward you. ✧ i’d like to get to know you better. ✧ i’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ i’d like to be friends with you. ✧ i’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ i’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ you are my friend. ✧ you are my best friend. ✧ you are my mentor. ✧ i look up to you. ✧ i respect you. ✧ you are my hero. ✧ you inspire me. ✧ you are my enemy. ✧ you make me happy. ✧ i want to protect you. ✧ i would fight by your side. ✧ i consider you an equal. ✧ i think you are beneath me. ✧ i think you are above me. ✧ i would lie for you. ✧ i would lie to you. ✧ i would sleep with you. ✧ i would sleep by your side. ✧ i would hug you. ✧ i would kiss you. ✧ you are family to me. ✧ i would die for you. ✧ i would kill for you. ✧ i would trust you with my life. ✧ i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ i would trust you with a secret. ✧ i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ i love you (platonically). ✧ i love you (romantically).
#sifonie#OOH BOYYY. the mixed nature of this is... JSJSJ i'm sorry about barton ramone he is justtt. Not the best person even around people-#he likes / cares about sometimes NGL and a lot of his relationships if not all of them are (unfortunately) unstable to at least a small-#degree. though of course i'm not trying to justify his behavior at all here... i just think that barton literally Cannot Help himself-#whenever it comes to manipulating people to the point where he may even do it unconsciously sometimes as terrible as that might sound 💀#and as for the whole 'you scare me' thing i think this just applies in the context of sibyl technically having the power to like. Kill him-#if they wanted to even if they wouldn't considering that they are like siblings to each other you know? and barton is naturally a-#distrustful person SO that also adds to him feeling a bit scared of them at times i think ahahhh.#but that's enough of talking about the negative stuff!! let's talk about how barton sees sibyl as an equal and would die for them...#because i honestly that serves as SUCH a dichotomy to the first thing's that i highlighted here and normally those thing's-#probably wouldn't coexist within the same person but if there is one thing that barton is - it's surprising in regards to how complex-#he can make his relationships with people JSJSJ LMAO but barton wanting to protect them is also? kind of sweet as well?? like OMG#plus the fact that they make him happy is 😭 it's really kind of touching in my humble opinion.#now if only barton didn't feel the need to LIE and still manipulate people sometimes even when he likes them...#then we'd be golden but i guess that would be asking for too much from him JSJSJ#not me talking as if he's real 😂 nooo but this was seriously really fun to fill out so thank you for sending this prompt to me ramone!!#and i hope i was able to shed a little more light on their relationship from barton's side of thing's bc i feel like it can be hard to tell#what barton truly thinks about someone even when i'm writing him in the 'stream of consciousness' style haha#also the italics is a 'maybe' in this case so it doesn't apply all the time!!
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第十五回 「おごれる者たち」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x15#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#I know he's up to SOMETHING but the first scene is really fucking moving#the way he told michikane there's no need to be the fall guy anymore😭😭😭the soft 'aniue. I want you to be happy'. how I screamed.#and when he said that father's not with them anymore his eyes seem tearing up a little...just kill me pls#he swallowed and his adam's apple rolling..ughhhhh#also the last one he stared at sadaijin-sama's hand for a beat#I wonder if he ever thought about how he didn't get to do this with Kaneie😔#bc kaneie is that kind of fucking domineering guy who valued vanity & dignity too much to die as an ordinary man#the archery scene is A++#and I feel like he's sort of back to being Saburo after that scene like. saying it was childish to beef with his nephew#this is such a Saburo thing to say. something harmless and self-mocking. sometimes white lies#but dude you're dark as fuck. the last shot w the 'I'm gonna be Kanpaku' statement? scare the shit out of me#I'm gLAD michitaka stopped him😱#anyway they're just two dark souls atp#michikane wants to kill his older brother and michinaga's gonna keep him on a leash and let him be the fall guy like kaneie told him to#man...dairi is so fucked up. hardest place to survive#I get that it's the same with the forbidden city in my culture but still. this is way too dark#p.s. the 9th one's funny to me bc Tasuku-san's knuckles...like those are boxing knuckles! so out of time & place😂#(kaneie's out there somewhere in the stars and I still can't stop talking about him lol. I miss him :( )#(do I even believe that he's up not down? maybe. he did become a monk b4 he died.)#I've no problem with heavy power intrigue plots tho I've seen Tasuku implying his scenes lately were all about power struggles in dairi#I mean I do care about the mahiro storyline but the godfather -ish shit is just better
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Someone: Hey, are you okay?
Me, internally: The SAW The Musical thing was supossed to be a joke but now I'm three songs deep into writing a musical for it and one of them is already finished. I want to publish it on Tumblr but to properly display the tone, pacing and instrumental make up of the songs I would have to record myself singing them and playing my guitar to it. And I am far to insecure about it. But I am so proud of the songs, too. They are really creative and I overcame my issue with using the same rhythm for all the songs I write. What do I do?
Me: Yeah, sure.
#I have 'The Fucking Irony of It' finished which is the song Adam sings after Lawrence left him and didn't come back for him#He goes from joking about the irony of this whole situation to reminiscing about his life to being angry at John and Lawrence#To realising that he will just end up as another corpse down there and accepting his fate#I have also started 'A is for Apple B is for Bye' which is sung by Diana as she waits for Lawrence to rescue them#It has the line 'C is for Clown and D is for Di' as in a nickname for Diana and then mirrors that in the second verse with#'C is for CLown and D is for die' as she gets increasingly fearful#and I have 'Click Flash Done' about Adam following LAwrence and taking pics and it ends with 'Click Flash Gone' just before he's kidnapped#and I really want to publish it but there is a musical on twitter i think so i'm scared of being accused of being a copy cat or smth#and Idk if I want to upload me singing it#saw#saw 2004#saw the musical#my post#original post#Adam Stanheight#lawrence gordon#diana gordon#textpost
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WHAT
THIS MONTH’S NORAGAMI CHAPTER
NOOOOOOO
#torra rambles#noragami#noragami spoilers#in tags#please please PLEASE don't let this be real there's just no way#Hiyori can't be fucking dead I won't#all I wanted for my birthday was Yatori and I got the opposite#I got suffering#; - ;#this was one of my greatest fears...#actually both#bc yato got fucking reincarnated and now hiyori is dead#still holding out on the hope that none of this is real#that this is all one big dream father's cooked up to scare them into submission#that he's just playing on their fears to buy time#yato's fear was to be forgotten and he was forced to watch the only person he cred about die in front of him#yukine was scared of becoming a monster#and Hiyori was scared to die#please adachitoka yatori was one of the only ships I cared so deeply for and they didn't even get to kiss#I'm so sad
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And for bad oversharing medical news the arrhythmia from december never went away but I thought maybe the throat infection was still there right so that could be a reason but then I went to a specialist and not only is it practically cured (just lingering a bit) but my lungs sound fine as well! which means! the shortness of breath is probably something wrong with the oxygen in the bloodstream and the slight chest tightness is also extremely worrying I could only make an appointment to get it checked next friday and that sounds like way too long
#I know it's morbid but the only thing I can think about is how fucking mad I am at my parents and how I wish I had someone else to take care#of my things and burial if I were to die#they don't know me#they would do everything against my wishes because they never cared to listen#and Especially I am mad at my dad cause when this started he was around and I was really scared and upset and nearly crying and I told him#that I was considering going to the hospital right there and then and then he didn't. fucking say anything or ask if I was okay#they'll never listen anything just registers as crazy fucking kid having a tantrum again let's give her space leave her out of sight#And I had to Yell at him to stop telling me not to go to the hospital the next day and I mean Yell and he still said they'd deny it#that I was making it up if I had just been on my fucking own I wouldn't have double guessed myself on it and gone to the wrong specialist#and wasted time and gotten to the point where it's not like debilitating pain but constantly aware that it's there and I can only like eat#heart healthy shit that I don't even like and wait and god I am so upset at them why so I have to be alone and yet still be so tied to them#why pretend to care when I've said time and time again they're still hurting me like nearly everytime we see each other#Okay nevermind I actually Need to distract myself now usually confronting feelings is my favorite#but my body is telling me that if I want to cry I have to deal with it physically feeling like there's a hole between my ribs so#I'll hold off on it#I'll be fine#god going to sleep has been the absolute worse#delete later
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essay in tags :p
#to extend to the super basic dumb version of why i think jason would win in the comments:#he wouldn't be a career. he would be from one of the poorest districts and he'd have already been working on his own to feed himself as an-#-orphan for months/potentially years doing cheap 'unskilled' manual labor—which is why he gets chosen (took out too many tithes)#as a result tho he's jacked as fuck and has lots of practical scrappy skills + taught himself self defense to survive peacekeepers abuse.#he probably have been forced to drop out of formal education but when he's chosen he dedicates all taht passion he has to one day get—#—a real education into studying every single past hunger games. in fact he might have already been training himself for it bc of the—#—high risk high reward. he already is highly likely to die in his day to day. might as well study all the tricks and plan how to takeover—#—the underground *cough* I mean Panem. so he goes into the media circuit playing up his most charming smiles. he can't hide his build but—#—he can play the gentle dumb giant who mentions an arbitrary love of romance novels and poems. his fans are all swooning or motherly ladies—#—and everyone thinks he's gonna die to a trick of the arena. he purposefully sabotages his rating and makes friendly with the careers who—#—so blatantly want him just for muscle it's offensive they think he's falling for it. of course when they get to the arena he still plays—#—along. early game groups are best option to hoard choice supplies. jason gets 'randomly' chosen to play pack mule. he stumbles along with—#—the careers until halfway through when their benefits no longer outweigh risk. he smiles. volunteers first watch. and then—#—slits their throats in their sleep. 3 kills & his biggest completion gone + all the supplies for him. the trick would cause uproar from—#—his 'unmasking' and the sponsors pool together to give him a gift. a hunting dagger big enough he can cut someone's head off. he then goes—#—full competence. doesn't shy from using water or meds bc there's no use in saving them if u die before u use them. he spies on the few—#—remaining. stalking them through the night. and then choosing the perfect moment to sneak in and slice their arteries.#post game: he knows too much abt becoming treated like finnick so he'd purposely get a wound in the arena or 'go crazy' and 'mutilate' his—#—face. when he surface win the media he has a full helmet he always wears to 'hide the scaring'. he can't be used anymore so he gets away—#—with book clubs and tea parties with rich sponsors so he can get an education (and so he can manipulate them to his cause. using their—#—sympathies so they'll fund or at least not turn in ppl in the rebellion)#the helmet serves a double purpose as ppl forget what he looks like + classic panem private surgery his real face can be a resistance—#—leader while the Red Hood is ostensibly just another media plaything.#Tim would be a quarter quell winner a year after jason in some truly fucked up shit and mentions Jason as inspiration#as Tim would win with some plan even more unethical than the games usually are. jason sends him some useless sponsor gift but postgame—#—tim realizes it's a rebellion message and teams up with Jason. idk how the other bats come into play besides Bruce 1000% being a Panem—#—citizen who 'bought' (ugh) Dick when he won so he didn't have to go through Finnick treatment & is one of the book club members with Jason
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#don't let them see this!#im disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting why am i so disgusting i wish i didn't have a body i wish i was hurt i wish i could die i ghhhhh#i really wish i wasn't so fucking. eugh. i don't know what i look like i only know what is wrong#i wish i didn't keep on looking at his messages i wish i didn't want to be hurt more#i wish i was dead goddd#i wanna cry#i just wish i didn't need to deal with all this i don't want to do anything except#look at his messages distract myself or zapio and even then i just#i don't even wanna do anything involving zapio i just wanna make the things i want and i can't and I'm scared#I'm so fucking scared he'll find me#he has files on me he has so much about me he's showed what a freak i am to other people he#he has so much on me and i have nothing on him#i think he will hurt me more and I'm scared#and i keep in going back and looking at what he says and engaging with him and I'm disgusting wish i juiuyf5sgcchjjj#i wanna cry why can't i just listen to people why do i have to do this shit why am i so revolting#why am i like this
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When the Justice League heard of Phantom, they believed they had to act quickly. Based on what they were told by the GIW, a branch of the government they had no knowledge of previously (Batman is working to correct that), the ghost was dangerous and extremely powerful.
A ghost that terrorized a small town that they GIW have tried-and failed- on numerous occasions to send back to the Ghost Zone. The GIW wouldn't have come to the Justice League for help if it were just that, but based on what they have claimed Phantom has achieved an inexplicable rise in power after having met with the King of ghosts himself.
If what they say is true, then ghosts could potentially invade and cause an all-out war with humanity that the Justice League would rather much avoid thank you.
Negotiations for peace or understanding have been repeatedly rejected and the GIW has been led to believe that Phantom has done something to the Fenton couple. The leading ecto-biologists in the world, years of research suddenly wiped clean off and acting much more cordial towards the ghost.
A complete 180.
So much so that you could even claim them to have been mind controlled. Which isn't outside the realm of possibility due to ghosts having an innate ability to overshadow others and control them.
Perhaps even the entire town has fallen under Phantom's control. Even another ghost, who had just been recently opposed to Phantom, has fallen under his control.
So the Justice League had to act fast.
---
Danny was fucked.
He could tell that very, very well. He still didn't have his entire new... dragon thing... under control very well, mostly sticking a half human like form. His powers were stronger yes but he couldn't really control them well.
Which is kinda why he's fucked.
Danny has never heard about the Justice League before, mostly because he had recently found out that apparently Amity Park was isolated. Like, extremely. Basically it's own little world cut off from the rest.
So when they appeared with the GIW he thought, hey, maybe they were finally changing their white suit shtick.
He didn't expect them to be extremely well-trained, have supernatural abilities or magic. Along with their usual tech well.
Yea.
Danny was fucked.
And he was very, very scared.
He's already died once but that didn't mean he wanted to die again, and he knows that he would probably be heavily experimented on if the GIW actually got their hands on him.
He was alone. He was surrounded. He was outnumbered. And he was oh, so very scared.
His family and friends had already fallen (thankfully not dead, just unconscious he thinks) and Vlad was occupied elsewhere, also fighting.
So Danny was alone.
No one would be coming to help him.
So what did he do?
He opened his mouth and did something he didn't do often. Despite that he could see that they somewhat recognized what he was about to do and tried to find cover.
Danny wasn't aiming at them.
He pulled his head back, mouth aimed at the sky.
Danny wailed.
It was waaaay more powerful than he had originally thought, so he was glad he aimed it at the sky.
As soon as it was over he felt drained, swaying on his feet and trying to use his tail to steady himself and not fall off his own claws.
They didn't know what was happening.
Danny just hoped it worked.
---
Neither the Justice League nor the GIW knew why Phantom shot one of his most powerful attacks up into the sky, but they did see the opportunity it presented.
Phantom was weak. Looking like he would fall off his own feet and fall unconscious.
They had to act quickly.
But before they could, from right where Phantom had wailed into the sky.
It cracked.
And continued to crack.
Until a large hole appeared in the sky, leading into a dimension of endless green.
The Infinite Realms.
They believed Phantom was trying to retreat.
They were wrong.
Two roars came from the portal, forcing everyone to cover their ears.
Then.
Something came out of the portal.
A long, serpentine dragon flowed out, flying around the area of the crack before descending down and around Phantom.
Then.
A giant claw grabbed onto the edge of the crack. Pushing against it until it broke, forcing the hole bigger and bigger as a much, much larger dragon stepped out. Standing protectively over the serpentine dragon and Phantom.
A large crown wrapped in flame floating about its head signified its status.
The Ghost King.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#dp x dc#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#Ghosts are dragons#I think that's the tag#ghost prince danny#Ectoplasm isn't Kryptonite by the way#So none of that here#Redeemed Vlad#Well more like semi but that's in the background#Dark ages#Protectively dragon parents about to potentially fuck shit up#If the Justice League don't manage to parley their way out of this
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