#he was absolutely vile in season 1

[sillylittlecandlestick]

I’m doing a whole character analysis on Kenji and I’m convinced that his dad’s staff’s reaction to hearing about him being presumed dead was this:

And not this;

(And still, RIP their jobs after Daniel got arrested. Like, the job security of the people who just happened to work for Daniel was thing that the show overlooked.)

[sxkura-blxssxm]

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙸𝚝𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒 𝚂𝚊𝚎.

One of my favourite topics when it comes to anime is the misunderstanding of complex yet well written characters such as Mr Itoshi Sae himself. Due to his blunt and cold nature, many people seem to assume that Sae is the bad guy and wants to purposely crush the dreams of aspiring footballers (such as Rin) however it's not the case at all.

In reality, we haven't seen enough of Sae (both in the manga or anime) to paint a solid character profile and come to a solid conclusion as to why he is the way he is. I believe football and the exposure to it at such a high level whilst only being 13 would have massively impacted his personality and he suggests this himself in his profile within the Egoist Bible. When asked 'What do you think you'd turn out to be if you hadn't met soccer?', he replied with "I'd have lived a normal happy life. My personality might not have turned out like this either.". Sae is a gentle soul, we see this in how he is with Rin when they were younger and you can tell he does care for Rin however I reckon he would have had to 'toughen' up when being exposed to the cruel reality of being a professional footballer.

Professional sports is brutal. And so is the environment in which you are surrounded by. I'm not sure in regards to other countries, but English football can have some of the most toxic and vile fans, racism is a super common occurrence. In 2020, Marcus Rashford missed a penalty during the shootout in the England vs Italy match and received an influx of racism and abuse. I bring this point up because in Season 1 of Blue Lock we see Sae is wearing black and white wristbands which is what footballers normally wear to symbolise the 'Stand Up Speak Up' campaign created for battling racism within European Football. This could suggest one of two things: Sae is wearing it to promote the campaign or Sae experienced racism whilst in Spain. Experiencing something like this can be absolutely detrimental to a person, at the end of the day professional athletes are also human beings, if it is the case that Sae has experienced this, then it makes a lot of sense as to why he is the way he is ESPECIALLY towards Rin. Why? Because he wants to protect Rin from the harsh cruel reality of professional football.

Which brings me on to my next point! Sae and Rin's relationship as of now. This dynamic is heavily misread by a lot of people, even friends who I have discussed this with have said that Sae is just cruel and hates his brother. This is just not the case. If anything, Sae is super emotionally constipated, he cares but he doesn't exactly show it in the best way and I believe that Sae is just trying to protect Rin. Yes, he can be an ass but he's just naturally blunt as is anyways. My favourite thing to mention that not many people do, is that we have only ever seen Sae from Rin's perspective and so the portrayal of Sae is biased to Rin's feelings about him. During the fateful night where the brothers 'fought', I believe it was fully shown to us from Rin's perspective alone, Sae's dialogue and attitude is how Rin perceived him at the time which to us looks like: cold, cruel and bad. In reality, Sae had been through a lot in the four years he'd been away from home, he was only a baby himself and went through so much. When we see Sae in that scene he looks tired and Rin does ask if he's lost weight, this alone backs up that we saw the fight through only Rin's perspective. The whole point of me ranting on about this is because I don't believe Sae would have straight up told rin "You're not necessary in my life anymore", he cares about him too much. I think because of the shock that they aren't sharing the same dream anymore and Rin's refusal to see that Spain has drastically changed Sae and his personality, he paints Sae in a cruel way in order to try and dissociate his feelings from the situation. It's common knowledge that Sae didn't view that night as a fight and instead just saw it as Rin being a rebellious teen. I think it would be interesting to see how that encounter went down from Sae's perspective.

I literally adore Sae as a character, he is so real. He is the perfect representation of what professional sports can do to a person, but some of y'all wanna hate on my glorious king. I will literally defend this man to the end of time.

Dividers from: https://rxttenflesh.tumblr.com/post/677807751539425280

[mask-of-prime]

TLG: Final 10 Episodes Sketch Dump

September 2nd once again fell on a Labor Day, like it once did when the final 10 episodes of TLG dropped on WatchTLG (due to its early release on the old DisneyNOW app). The alignment of the exact day, month, and holiday five years later put me in the spirit to sketch away as I rewatched these episodes.

I was there when the countdown on the WatchTLG site had about an hour left. I hadn't seen a full episode of TLG until that point because I at the time thought I wouldn't be into it. I saw the synopses for these episodes leaked somewhere online and was doubtful yet VERY hopeful that the one with Vitani's Lion Guard was going to be a real episode simply because I wanted to see her in new content, regardless of my familiarity with the show.

When I binge-watched these final episodes with a friend, my relationship with the show improved as I went to watch the rest of the show over the next few months. I was so grateful to see so much content and worldbuilding for the TLK universe

Sketch descriptions under the cut:

1. Friends to the End

I've said this before in a review of this episode, but whether or not the writers intended this, their portrayal of irritability brought on by an anxiety attack is astounding. Kion's anxiety is piled up more and more when he's in a hurry to find a cure at the Tree of Life, Bunga repeatedly tells him he's becoming like Scar, and the rest of the group just "blind leading the blind"-in their journey SO badly because they're a bunch of unsupervised freshman-aged kids who are in their "Well I wouldn't go THAT far" or "Can I be the devil's advocate" phase.

This situation of fearing becoming like a shitty family member and being told you are by people when you're already in a vulnerable state is just SO vile and unfortunately so real. I found myself relating hard to this episode due to Kion's valid af anger in this episode, which is why I had to draw Kion claiming his "Don't you just wanna go apeshit??" era.

Kion is basically me throughout this episode and the entire first half of Season 3. It is SO HARD to get through this season sometimes when these same couple of lines keep coming at least once per episode. As soon as I hear Fuli saying "Uhh... Kion?" or "KION!!" I know exactly what's coming.

2. The Tree of Life:

Since we never get to see Sahasi and Ananda's color palettes they had in life, I took what I could make out from their spirit forms as well as some creative liberties, and came up with what they may have looked like on Earth.

Ananda is where Baliyo gets his freckles and dull, dark pelt, and where Rani gets her purple pupils, red nose, and dark tail. Sahasi is where Rani gets her richer pelt and where Baliyo gets his nose gradient, multicolored mane, and lighter tail color.

Fun Fact: According to some email responses from a member of the team who worked on TLG, they said that Sahasi was meant to be Janna's son, which for me, puts an end to a debate I had in my head where I was stuck between either him or Ananda being Janna's child: On one hand, I liked the idea of Sahasi and Surak being the foils of Mufasa and Scar, but also liked the idea of Ananda as Janna's daughter and heir since they looked so alike, as well as it solidifying the martriarchy headcanon I have for the Night Pride. Though the team member didn't straight-up provide Sahasi's relation to Janna and Surak as an absolute fact, rather it was simply the gist they got from the creation of Sahasi's character, it's an answer from a team member at all, which I can absolutely settle with. I decided to give him a similar fur color to Surak because of that.

3. The River of Patience:

I just HAD to doodle eepy Kion. It's like the one part of this episode that sticks with me outside the wholesome therapy dynamics and Kion heroically holding the flower between his teeth. This is basically him but if he fully succumbed to falling asleep waiting for the log.

4. Little Old Ginterbong:

Can I just say that I fucking LOVE Mama Binturong's character?? She's absolutely insane and constantly looks like an addict that needs her fix. She makes me nostalgic for some reason, and I think it's gotta do with her Mama Gunda vibes (which is odd because I wasn't even that young when I saw Tarzan II). I had to draw her doing the thing lol

5. Poa the Destroyer:

All I could think about throughout this episode besides the rare Evil Beshte is how insufferable Pinguino is. I mean it in kind of a good way, his personality is so ridiculous that he's made me laugh a few times.

6. Long Live the Queen:

Surprisingly, the sketch regarding this episode is probably the least expected subject matter out of anything I could've put here: An idea that's been forming in my head for a bit now was the idea of Bunga and Binga continuing the fostering/babysitting business of Bunga's "uncles". Bunga is shown to be a natural with young animals in a few episodes, and it continues in the subplot of this episode where he watches over Varya's cubs.

7. The Lake of Reflection:

The one thing that viscerally stuck with me in this episode was the unbelievably cute design they gave bby Cheezi. Had to sketch him.

8. Triumph of the Roar:

Obligatory Askari sketch because I actually love drawing him and making headcanons of his era. Looking back... he kinda looks like he's looking down at the events of the bottom drawing in slight disappointment.

9. Journey to the Pride Lands:

Drew Azaad (for what I think might be the first time) with the only thing he seemed to be doing throughout this episode -- taking any opportunity he can to comment about how much better cheetahs are at basically everything. He's fun to draw and I'd like to do more art of him one day.

10. Return to the Pride Lands

This is a sketch of what I deadass thought was gonna happen during this scene the first time I saw this episode lmao. At the time, the previous two episodes were fresh on my mind so I thought Kion was once again going to spam his tornado ability, but with Vitani as his subject for his demonstration. She already knew so little of the Roar as it was, given her absence throughout most of TLG's storyline, but could you imagine what she must've been thinking seeing how much Kion's Roar evolved?

[tossawary]

I'm only on Episode 5 of "Teen Wolf" and it's hard not to think about Stiles/Derek due to the pairing's influence as a fandom juggernaut throughout the 2010s. It has, over the years, occasionally made me intensely curious as to what was actually in the source material to spark this, versus how much of it was the migratory slash fanfiction fandom stuff.

I don't have... super strong opinions of them from the source material yet? I don't really think they have positive or negative chemistry at the moment. Their interactions are hampered by the fact that I think Derek Hale is currently kind of incoherent as a character, apparently not allowed to actually talk to anyone due to contrived drama reasons, preventing him from connecting naturally on an informational or emotional level to Stiles or Scott. Derek's backstory is still murky and largely unknown. Derek's personal goals here are also a little unclear. Some of this will be cleared up as the season goes on.

I do think that I personally would enjoy Derek more if he had actually been only a few years older than Scott and Stiles, as Stiles says in the first episode, and actually looked it as well. I think that Derek being younger, being another "teen wolf" at 19, would have 1) put him on more even footing with Scott, and 2) made him come across as more of a scared, cornered animal, lashing out at the Argents and stumbling around lost without his family/pack. Like, the traumatized lone wolf thing is apparently what's happening with Derek anyway, but I do think all that would be better communicated to the audience if Derek looked younger and more pathetic and was allowed to snap at / talk to people more and with purpose.

If Derek was younger, I also think that he would function as a better mirror / foil to Scott. Here's this kid who was born a werewolf (unlike Scott), had a big and loving family (Scott has a single, loving mother and an apparently better-absent father), and is now orphaned and homeless and friendless (unlike Scott). It would also make Kate look even more vile and I'm good with that. I know the writers are going to absolutely miss the opportunity to have Scott and Derek's relationship have some more positive give-and-take. Scott has a lot to offer Derek! Scott's kind heart is one of my favorite things about him so far!

Anyway, back to the Stiles/Derek stuff. Yeah, I would also like Stiles/Derek or Scott/Derek more as concepts if Derek was younger. Right now, from the actual canon material I've seen, disregarding the knowledge I've picked up over the years regarding Derek's life, Derek is mostly giving me Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" vibes. And I really did not like Angel and especially not Angel/Buffy.

One positive thing I will say for Stiles/Derek is that I can absolutely see where the ship originally came from. Stiles does have some very queerbait-y lines with the "am I attractive to gay guys" humor. Derek is conventionally attractive. Derek and Stiles are the only two people in on the "Scott is a werewolf" problem, helping him out, and there's maybe a dash of "pair the spares" to it, but these two people are actually interacting and cooperating to solve problems together. And "I got you arrested for a murder you didn't commit" / "you need to cut off my arm" is a hell of a starting point for a ship. That's honestly great stuff. That's a level of freak that might generally inspire me to invent chemistry for a pair of characters, just to figure out how to make that relationship work.

In conclusion, I don't personally ship it, but I get it. I totally see where it came from.

[maxlarens]

Childhood friends to lovers Max???? you always being there for all his accomplishments so when you can't because you've got your own thing he's a little lost??? max always being judgmental about the guys you try to date?? the whole entire grid down to mechanics on other teams all seeing that he's utterly in love with you while he's just 😐 "yes this is my friend"???

But also love the depth of it like OOOOO you'd hate J*s with a burning passion for how he treated the love of your life your bestie however your love and respect for Max has you helping him set boundaries so his father doesn't continue ruining his life?? And J*s would have sneered at his son having a "girl friend" (I always go off reader being fem my apologies for assuming) and probably definitely at least hinted at treating you the same way if you were with max at a racing weekend (the gas station story?? ugh) BUT I see that being the only time Max stands up to him when he's a kid/teen because fine yeah treat me however you want but I'll fight to the death if you hurt her

lemme stop before I write a whole novel in your inbox 😭😭😭

viv!!!! omg going to address this in several sections:

yeah just utterly lost when you’ve got your first important work thing/etc that you cant take time off for. is like how am i supposed to celebrate without her? is totally off during interviews and a bit muted during celebrations. because he’s just a teenager celebrating something without his best friend in the entire world yknow🥺

literally everyone can tell they’re attached at the hip!!!!!! pls and he’s always saying well i don’t think they’re good enough for you about her bfs/dates. even complains about it to people. as teenagers do when they have a crush. and if anyone tries to subtly point it out yeah he just goes um? we’re friends?😐

and hating j*s!!! so real!!! just quietly seething and unable to do anything other than be so angry and gently tell max he deserves better. like she tries to encourage his relationship with his mum and sister more. tries to offer other points of view when j*s gets in his head. tries to comfort him even when it’s hard even when max doesn’t make it easy. because she knows there’s a way through it.

and of course j*s hates her. 1) she’s a distraction from karting. from spending all day and everyday on track. 2) shes a girl! a gender that j*s clearly has no respect for! only puts up with her for the sake of an easy relationship with his colleague. 3) she’s clearly pushing max to set boundaries with him. and stand up for himself😐

his open disdain of her probably reaches it’s highest point in max’s first few seasons in my opinion. when j*s’s grip on max is slipping. when he’s starting to listen to her more about boundaries and taking care of himself/his mental health. when he’s independent and starts to gravitate to her more and more. and he absolutely says something vile to her. and max absolutely stands up for her. is not going to let his dad treat the one person who supports him no matter what like that.

[https-rediation]

SO Update on the Carmen Sandiego Timeline shenanigans Context first though I was helping my friend develop his AU, we decided to use the rough outline of my timeline as a basis. As we began discussing events around the time of Season 4 I began to think. This is never a good sign. This was my main problem:

Why would Player begin school in December as opposed to January? We know Season 3 ends on November, specifically November 5 for Guy Fawkes day. The beginning of Season 4 is shortly thereafter with Roundabout's imprisonment and failed mind wiping.

There is an undisclosed amount of time between the Beijing Bullion Caper and Big Bad Ivy Caper, but it seems to take place in a month with 31 days.

(you can see based on my notes that I was struggling with this idea. I was under the assumption for most of Season 4 that it was still November before I got to this episode. Photo taken from the VILE History Caper ^)

I originally placed this 31-day month as December, so there wouldn't be a super long time between capers, but the Big Bad Ivy Caper is when Player begins school. It is most likely that the school he's going to is split into two semesters, the first ending in December and the second picking up the first Monday of January.

It would make the most sense for him to begin attending school as the semester began rather than joining in right at the end right?? Right???

I have no way of knowing if this is the case, most of what I do is regrettably, educated guesses based on the very little the show gives us.

But if it is January, the new end of the timeline would look something like this:

July 2018 - Carmen robs Cleo's vault in Poitiers, runs into Crackle on train to Paris (Season 1 Episodes 1-2)

This is only included because as Devineaux is interrogating Graham in Reykjavik he asks him about "what [he was] doing on the train from Poitiers to Paris 18 months ago". If this investigation is moved forward a month, so is the Poitiers robbery.

January 6, 2020 - Player begins attending school

In 2020, January 6 is the first Monday of the month. It's the most probable time school would be resuming. He books a flight for Carmen and Ivy to Bavaria for the Caper occurring the following day.

January 7, 2020 - Events of the Big Bad Ivy Caper

The Big Bad Ivy Caper happens a day after Carmen and Player's conversation.

January 8, 2020 - Events of the Robo Caper

Carmen and Ivy depart for Singapore the morning of the 8th, arriving in time to face off against VILE's new Robo Robber.

January 9, 2020 - Regroup + debrief in San Diego, flight to Reykjavik, attempt to free Graham from jail

Carmen and Ivy return to San Diego after their stand off with the Robo Robber. They are given news via Player of Graham's arrest and show up to free him before VILE can get their hands on him. This does not end well.

January 10, 2020 - Carmen attempts to rescue Graham from Bellum's Himalayan Lab

Carmen flies out to Nepal in order to free Graham from VILE's clutches. After being told the truth of his role in VILE, Gray declines and Carmen blows up Bellum's lab, making her escape.

The Big Bad Ivy Caper to the Himalayan Rescue Caper all take place in the span of a week. As Carmen plans how to rescue Graham she claims she doesn't want to involve Player because he had "already been sent to detention on [her] account. And [it was] only his first week in school". So it is still only week one, and currently a weekday because he's in school while she's operating.

Does this make any sense? No, absolutely not. Why, you may ask? BECAUSE FLYING TAKES A LONG TIME. San Diego to Munich is 11 hours, Munich to Singapore is 12, Singapore back to San Diego is 18, and then to Reykjavik is another 11. REYKJAVIK TO NEPAL IS 22. NOT TO MENTION IVY ZACK AND CARMEN ALL FLY TO NIAGARA FALLS TO SEE PLAYER BEFORE THE END OF HIS SCHOOL DAY???

For reference, 3 whole days of their adventures between the Big Bad Ivy to Himalayan Rescue Caper would be comprised exclusively of flying. And with that on top of timezones and the fact that all of these capers take place at night no matter where in the world Team Red is, there's no way it could have been in one week. ESPECIALLY not if all of them just so happen to take place while Player is in school because there would have to be a very specific window of time where Player was in school and it was dark out wherever Carmen was.

Regrettably, this show does not care about my sanity enough to make it make sense so I try to make it make sense to everyone else

Thank you for tuning into my ramblings 👍

[kingsmoot]

i don’t know if you would like to, but can we yap about hotd?

i don’t know if I’m the only one, but i 100% can see alicent giving up aegon especially if it’s to try and save heleana.

and i think this is due to how we’ve seen how alicents relationships are created with her children. helaena is the girl alicent once was, in a position understands completely, “i was happier before i was queen.”

aemond is alicent after having children, mature beyond her years, very much trying to save herself and do well by her family, but a position that alicent very much loathes and showed the worse parts of her which she is guilty of.

and aegon? he’s everything she hated about herself, but also everything she hated about their world. hes weak like she was, he cries like she does. hes every part of his father, and every piece of rhaenyra that she fought back against. hes the thing that lead to mature years (aemond) and the hatred that follows. hes the thing that strapped her to the title of queen and everything she hated about and wish she could leave behind (helaena).

he is the version of herself she wishes she could kill off, and even she couldn’t do without thinking it over again. and again. and again.

if she could kill the part of herself (aegon) that started this all from beginning, would she? especially to save herself younger self (helaena) especially since her matured self failed (aemond)?

i am always more than happy to yap about hotd but i disagree with all of your analysis, here. i think you're oversimplifying the kids into rigid aspects of alicent/phases of her life, but they aren't really structured in that way.

i'll go in order of your points:

[1] alicent giving up aegon was -- to me -- a genuinely incomprehensible writing decision. i think s2 took a nose dive in the last two episodes but alicent suddenly fwipping into regretting her misinterpretation of the prophecy and wanting to support rhaenyra's claim was like... i was baffled.

the s1 alicent who heard viserys' dying words about the prince that was promised was not an alicent who would have championed rhaenyra as queen. ali is a staunch misogynist. she does not want to have a queen of the realm. she hates and resents rhaenyra as a vile, manipulative, bratty, undeserving spider. she does not want rhaenyra to be queen. viserys' dying words gave her a convenient excuse to throw herself fully behind the (obviously up until that point very risky) cause of crowning aegon as king. otto was absolutely never going to allow rhaenyra onto the throne, and alicent wasn't either. they both had a lifelong and mutual understanding that aegon -- alicent's son -- would be king. the pivot in season 2 to making alicent's misunderstanding of visery's last words into a completely innocent mistake was like. dumb, i'm sorry.

alicent has conflicting feelings about viserys. he is her lord husband (owner), her king (even more so her owner), the father of her children. he is also her rapist, her jailer, her childhood best friend's father who she grew up seeing as a paternal authority figure as king of the realm, her dad's friend and boss, and as rhaenyra's father. she feels lots of ways about viserys, and she lies to herself in lots of ways to protect herself in the merciless spike pit of violent misogynistic patriarchal feudalism she lives in and draws power from. to imply that alicent would do anything and everything in her power to realize her husband's dying wish and then also implying that she had not been waiting for twenty fucking years for him to reverse his decision, disinherit rhaenyra, and champion their son in her stead, is just sort of whacky. idfk where that angle came from but it really blindsided me and i think it greatly weakened s2 as a whole and alicent's character in particular.

[2] i think helaena is very pointedly not the girl that alicent once was. alicent and helaena's relationship is painful to watch because they're so distant from one another. alicent forces herself onto helaena when she does not want to be touched. alicent makes no effort to connect with helaena in a way that helaena would enjoy. alicent forces helaena into a physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive marriage with her eldest son because it is the more politically expedient thing to do and what otto wanted. she then purposefully denies rhaenyra's arranged marriage offer with her and laenor's children because that would mean conceding to rhaenyra by publicly legitimizing her bastards after a decade of staunchly holding the line that those stupid white babies are not laenor's. alicent knows exactly what aegon is and knows exactly how he treats helaena and she never lifts a finger to protect her from him. how could she? she was hogtied and served to her father's friend and sovereign at 15 years old, pimped out to a rotting old man to advance her father's station and influence. how could she even conceive of protecting helaena? it's beyond her to do this.

but recognizing alicent's limitations doesn't mean absolving her of her culpability for subjecting helaena to exactly the same thing she was subjected to. alicent treats her daughter as a pawn for her own political advantage. this is what you do to children in westeros. it's all par for the course. but, crucially, helaena is unlike alicent because she does not play the game she is forced into. she dutifully bears aegon his rapebabies but she is odd, quiet, shy, reserved. strange. she is not a political actor like her mother. she does not utilize the power she is given as queen.

anyway my point here is that i cannot see alicent doing anything to "save" helaena when she was the one to feed her to the wolves in the first place. she put helaena into this situation, i can't see her doing anything in her power to get her out at the expense of the basket in which she has put all her eggs for all her life. aegon.

[3] i'm not sure where your interpretation of aemond as mature beyond his years is coming from. he murdered an eleven year old while dressed as sephiroth. he routinely pays a madame to hold him in her lap and stroke his hair and tug on his cock while telling him how much mummy loves and approves of him. this is not an emotionally mature individual. aemond is just as emotionally stunted, angry, resentful, and trapped as the woman who raised him.

[4] i disagree with your claim that alicent is weak and cries too much? i also disagree that aegon is meant to be a reflection of alicent. aegon is not a little girl sold into sexual slavery to the monarch of her realm by his father. his struggle to accept his roles and responsibilities at court come from him being a conduct disordered sensation seeking substance abusing gambling addicted serial rapist. aegon is an accumulation of alicent's many sins, including her betrayal of herself and rhaenyra, but he is not a reflection of her. he is yet another version of my favorite bookverse dynamic of a mother stripped of her autonomy and denied her personhood and then ensuring that her monstrous son is given everything the world owes to him since the world has made clear that justice can never be within her own reach (like cers and joff and like rams and his mom).

all told i think you're letting the tail wag the dog, here. you've created a structure in which aegon, aemond, and helaena represent alicent in three different phases of her life, and are then analyzing alicent's relationship to her children through that structure as though that is how she sees them. i don't think this structure is accurate to the show and i don't think that alicent see her children in the way you have described.

[candy8448]

Previous post

Oooooh man im watching the end:

Part 1 feels so sad, raven trying to do all the things for her friends on their last day is honestly so so so sad

This projection thing is sick

Them making her the bunker behind her back because she probably would have opposed to it

Beast boy quickly giving her the penny is the most sweetest things ever im actually gonna cry, and every time they did a close up on it

It makes me so sad that she doesnt even try to fight back despite if she goes the end is innevitable. I guess she just wanted to get it over with so her friends dont need to spend any moore time of their ladt moments fighting for her :((((

Raerae my babyyyyyy

"Stay safe" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Her absolutely obliterating Slade with words is so amazing i cant even-

The raven leading them all together, their hands in the middle, the hope 😭

Im so happy with this little call back to season 1's "switched" where raven and star switched bodues and learned how to use their powers, its so good and im glad star remembered that because she would

Her giving them a bit of her power is so sick and them all saying "azarath metrion zinthos" is so so sick

Can i say the ost for this show as a whole in EVERY episode is absolutely sick and sounds so good i would listen to it on its own, but they also know how to dial it down and turn off the music for so much inpact its crazy, they did it with some apprentice arc scenes and haunted and such and it works so well to hear the atmosphere and suspense is perfect, i also like the ost that plays when the "dark versions" of star, cy and BB appear, its so minimal and impactful (i also like the konochrome no shading look they have) them talking is also pretty creepy

BB going inside trigon's ear and turning into a whale is so smart and also the "wet willie" he said he would give trigon XD

I knew slade teams up with them in this episode but it still feels weird! Also rob volunteered tovfind rae but honestly i think that BB has the closest bond with her and the little things he does through the series, and the penny he gave her, i dont ship them really at all but i feel like he has the closer bond and whole robin is my favorite and the leader, it would have made more sense for BB to go, and more emotionally impactful

Also dont say robin cant stay cuz he would easily beat the shadow titans but they could have done that and nobody would really care too much, they were defeated before by that robot that tried to beat cy in "only human" so shadows of themselves could definetly still proviide a problem with robin there, and it would have made no difference to how that scene could have went

Slade has a point, uf he gets a thing he wants and the end of the world is gonna happen anyway, he might as well take the deal.

Also i thought this whole time that "what he had lost" was gonna be his son or something cuz i didnt have any clue what it could be and drew on the tiny bit of deathstroke comic lore i knew but i was still skeptical, i was NOT expecting the skeleton tho, that seriously shocked me.

Him saying "The fringe benifits were quite enjoyable" and then panning on this scene is just:

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew no no no no no no no no no no no no

Knowing what that episode implied and then this line is just ewwwwwwwwwww 😭

Slade and robin being mirrors while fighting litterally on the same wavelength and same split second is more of a testament to how alike they are 0.0

"Im here to save you too" robin saying about slade is 0.0 D: as well

AHA I KNEW THEY HAD TO FIGHT EACH OTHER'S SHADOW TO DEFEAT THEM!!!

BB's saying that terra was right to dump him is just vile

Still think that BB going after raven would have felt more impactful, like sure, robin and raven have been in each other's minds or something and i feel like them being the main two in "birthmark" makes so much sense, but for this, i feel like it makes more sense for BB to go, he's spent the entire show getting to understand raven more deeply than any other character, and he has littlerally been inside her mind. I dont ship them at all but their strong platonic bond would have been perfect for this

Baby rae sounds so weird her voice like that lol

SO. SMALL.

The big white projection raven is so sick lookin. You go girl!!

BB what do you mean raven giving hugs is weird? She litterally gave you a hug at the end of "spellbound"!

Maaann i love them so much.

Something i love about this show is that the titans' friendships is strong and genuine, they care deeply for eachother, truly want to connect to eachother, make sure each ither is okay, they believe wachother instantly when something us wrong and dint disregard eachother's feelings, nobody is ever the butt of the joke and nobody is made to feel bad on purpose by the others, even if they are all completely different from one another, and if it happens then they do their best to make the sincerest of apologies. Them being mad at each other is always coming from a place of frustration from wanting to hang out and enjoy each other's company but just not understanding how

Many kids shows make friends kinda hate eachother, always get on their bad sides, cant seem to stand each other, and always have one of the others as the butt of jokes (even teen titans go does this! D:) so i really love this show for that

"We'll be ready for him" is what cyborg said at the end of "haunted" which i guess goes to show the hope and trust they have in themselves and eachother

Again i would say BB would have worked a lot better for this last scene with raven instead of robin, since BB while being a bit childish, is still really emotionally intellegent! (I mean look at all his interactions with raven and terra!) And this little speach about raven having the most hope does sound like something beast boy would say more than robin (yes he is the leader, but it sounds more right in BB's voice), like, i can imagine vividly what it would be like with bb in robin's place and it makes so much more sense. I honestly wanna draw a version of the same events but with bb instead but thats so hard to do and would take forever sooo :/ thats only a maybe few pannels kinda thing MAYBE

This is a sick arc, the music again was so cool,

I think my favorite part was part 1 tbh, before any of the world taking over takes place

Next post

[nalyra-dreaming]

Im going to say this because I have been thinking it for a while now - and this isn't directed at any of your anons or anything like that. It's just me venting 😅

I'm just really tired of some people doing everything they possibly can to either see problems where there are none OR who actively try to "step on Sam's moment", if you know what I mean.

We have had 2 seasons of Louis being the main/focus character, the one we see both Lestat and Claudia through. We then find out that not only do we see them through Louis' POV but also through Armand's POV and his manipulations of Louis' POV. This is The Tale we were told to let ourselves be seduced by. Through two characters of colour. Which they did AMAZINGLY.

Everyone and their mother praises the show for being so cleverly written and for being of such high quality. Based on s1 and s2 and the memory is a monster lens. Deservedly!!! Everyone was fucking amazing and both Jacob and Assad knocked it out of the park.

But we were always meant to end up here: The Vampire Lestat. They're doing the books - and Lestat is the most prominent character in the chronicles as a whole.

What did they expect? If they dont like that, maybe this isn't a show for them.

Sam has worked so hard and it's his moment to shine and everyone on the show has always been so sooo clear about their excitement about the TVL season. Why is anyone surprised/annoyed?

Sam is so fucking sweet, he even gave an eloquent and thoughtful answer when asked about the absolute batshit crazy fandom, and he did it with such grace that many people didn't deserve. He was called such vile things and it affected his mental health. He's such a sweet person and he just deserves his "moment" showing us the real Lestat. Finally.

And Im SO glad to know that:

1) Sam is offline and decided to NOT look into fandom. Good for him ❤️

2) Rolin doesnt have any fucks to give about what some "fans" think/vitriol they spew so it wont affect the show

And with all that said:

ROCKSTAR LESTAT WRITING SONGS ABOUT HIS HUSBAND LOUIS AND WEARING HIS WEDDING RING, BABY 🔥🔥🔥😍😍😍

YESSSSSSSS 🙌

As said before - this, what is happening now - was always set to happen. It's the Vampire Chronicles!! There's BOOKs they're doing.

And now it will be "The Vampire Lestat".

And I cannot wait^^

[crosby-interesting]

There is like an entire google doc of documented instances of misogynistic abuse and crimes

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1cqURgg1eslU9Ky7NOUHlvM0PJ5rVX-FHZuacYBUL77o/htmlview?pli=1#gid=821481613

Most of these are never talked about. People close their eyes and pretend this is nothing

The Doug Gilmour situation is absolutely vile and revolting to me in particular.

Also, it is not on the list, but Gretzky also should be included there, since he loved frequenting strip clubs, which exploit low-income women.

There is also another kind of story. In 1981, when Gretzky was 20, he took a shy 15 year-old French-Canadian kid who didn't speak any English into another city, snuck him into a singles bar, bought him alcohol and later on coerced into having sex with a random woman, while having an intercourse with another one next to him in a hotel room.

This kid went on to engage in hook-ups with strangers, often time older than himself. He was sometimes "approached so aggressively he had to push back and leave". He developed a nicotine addiction, dropped out of school and started having problems with sleeping, all in a span of a few years.

The next time he met Gretzky, he was 18 years old. The Great One took him to Chez Parée, a strip club, to celebrate his final season in the minors. Gretzky told him that they can't be friends anymore, because once he reached NHL, he would be his rival.

That 18 year-old was Mario Lemieux.

And unfortunately this story is real and not a product of my depressed imagination. You can read about it across various biographies written about the player (specifically Martin Lawrence's and Jean Sonmor's ones).

All of this is being said not to excuse Lemieux's depravity, but to demonstrate how circular is abuse in the hockey environment. Abuse breeds abuse, the community these players forge is an echo chamber which further enables harmful behaviour. There are many more stories like these and Gretzky himself was groomed into such behaviours since young by older players.

Only by talking about such cases, only by condemning their actions publicly and criticising hockey culture we can hope to make a change.

S H I T!!!!!!

link

[gaoshun]

.𝟐 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

part 1

‎

you wouldn't say kakucho and you were friends or anything but you two surely had a good chemistry.

or maybe kakucho was just a really nice person and he was easy to get along with. he was very respectful and sensitive towards people's needs and was always willing to help when needed. you also observed he wasn't judgemental at all and even though he isn't the most adventurous guy out there, ready to try every new thing; he never judged or made fun of anybody who did enjoy conventionally not so popular things. while this might be your basic human decency criteria, it was hard to find basic human decency in the circle you worked in, that being gangs and young men.

they could be ugly, disgusting, vulgar, vile and absolutely pathetic. an average girl wouldn't feel safe around them at all and even you, a seasoned gang member, often felt grossed out when you heard the way they talk about certain people and certain things.

kakucho was a fresh breeze of air if you excluded your friends from toman. you were honestly quite surprised with kakucho's opinions and thoughts on certain things, definitely matching yours and you felt lighter knowing he wasn't a douchebag.

slowly but surely, you found yourself spending a lot of your free time hanging out with the odd eyed man. you actually enjoyed his company even when you two didn't do much - which was most of the time.

while you were happy, smiling about having found another friend; kakucho paced around his room panicking.

"now this was a first." his inner self teased him.

"how did i even end up here?" he questioned, exasperated.

"oh you were doomed from the very beginning. had already lost the game, mate. you were done for." it replied, cockily.

"how? when? i don't- i don't understand any of this."

"oh baby boy it began from the eyes. yeah those gorgeous eyes. and look at where you are now."

"i am not ready for this. i am not ready for any of this. i haven't ever-"

"felt like this before? done this before? have no clue how to proceed? well acknowledgement and acceptance are the first steps-"

kakucho groaned. hands flying up and messing his voluminous, shining aegean blue hair that sat on his head with a middle partition. you had pointed out to him that the colour looked really good on him and that you were in love with his hairstyle. and well he didn't dare touch them after that. just styled it to how you liked them.

hands sliding down from his fluffy hair to his bicoloured eyes. he definitely had his insecurities with his looks. someone else's fault had given him a permanent scar and a visually impaired eye. but he was over the moon when even after so many days of hanging out together, you never once brought it up or left a rude remark about it. he hated having attention on his scars and didn't particularly like talking about it.

though he often found you staring into his dark maroon and white eyes subconsciously and he won't lie it did leave him a flustered, hot mess. he blamed it on the close proximity and having trouble breathing because of it. not because maybe having you this close to him knocks the air out of his lungs and leaves him breathless.

his finger tips dug into his cheeks as he painfully dragged them down to his lips. ah yes that brought back some memories.

"don't bring it up." he growled to his inner self but of course, seeing kakucho embarrassed was his mind's favourite thing. so of course it brought back what happened that day.

·𖥸·

toman had decided they would have a battle against the gang that dared to attack you with so much man force as soon as the news reached their ears. there was an uproar among toman members, absolutely enraged about the unfairness and how it was all planned beforehand.

but just before this serious meeting that left the members' blood boiling and full of adrenaline rush; mikey had oh so proudly praised you for your victory and utmost bravery. the members agreed with their leader when he talked about how you stood your ground and showed those men what the spirit of toman is.

followed by draken and mitsuya lecturing you later on about how to be more careful and that you need to learn when to back down and how scared they were about your safety. mikey nodded along lazily.

the next day izana approached mikey regarding them joining in with toman and fighting together against that gang because tenjiku has bad blood with them too.

and now you sat on one of the chairs in some abandoned shop near the now empty battle site. the fight had ended with toman and tenjiku conquering while the opposing gang lost miserably.

years of fighting had taught you to always carry a first aid kit on your bike. it certainly did come to use now.

mikey hadn't allowed you to fight this once. according to him you had done enough. they would fight for you now. so you sat this one out.

but not in peace or silence. even though you were alone. if there was a fight, you just had to be there. it was an itch, an urge from deep inside you. what do you mean you had to sit in a corner while everyone got in on the action? and what the fuck do you mean you get to be safe and secure while your family fought for you? but orders were orders, especially when given by mikey. if it was takemichi you might have overruled it and then apologized later.

you sighed. playing with your old walkman. iPod was out of your budget. and this was the only thing that ensured unlimited music without burning a hole in your pocket. toxic by britney spears blasted in your ears.

“hey,” song paused, you turned around.

“already back? got tired? need backup? can i please just fight?” you groaned.

kakucho let out a soft laugh, smiling. “for you it's not even about revenge, is it? you just don't like sitting on the bench, right?”

you nodded, getting up. “it's just so-” you yawned, stretching your body on your tip toes and hands up in the air. “so boring here.”

“i am not some dainty fragile person. i can fight for myself.” you complained but kakucho had you tuned out the instant you decided to attack his heart.

soft, squishy, supple skin on display only for his eyes. your top had rode up while you stretched and gave him a good view of what was underneath. it wasn't really that much, people wore shorter clothes than you were wearing. but kakucho didn't care. all he needed to see was your waist and he was red in the face.

your waist was so… grabable? to him. he wants to run his hand down your sides, wrap his arm around the curve and pull you into him. flushed against him, his hold tight enough to not let you go.

“you good?” you asked relaxing your body from the stretch.

kakucho stammered, fumbled and then sighed.

for god's sake get a grip man.

“i'm fine. sorry about that. just… zoned out.”

kakucho looked tired. his body slumped, almost limp. he didn't show it though. he never showed it. too proud to admit. his shoulders sagged, his eyes looked droopy. he didn't have much scars on him, well as much as you could see from the tenjiku uniform.

“we won.” he smiled, tired. “you don't have to worry about anything anymore. the gang wouldn't be on our turf, actually i don't think they have a gang anymore.”

you smiled back, lazy. “kakucho?”

“yeah?” he looked up.

“thank you.”

oh have mercy on his poor heart.

“whatever for?” he questioned.

“i know it was you who told izana about that day. i know it's because of you toman and tenjiku fought together. if you hadn't, mikey and izana would still be in fight today. you did so much, do you even know?” you walked forward, the distance between the two of you was too much.

“and thank you, for fighting for me. thank you for helping me. thank you for saving me.”

that's it. he was gonna explode. his face matched his uniform, red. he looked cute though; eyes wide and mouth in an ‘O’.

“sorry, did i do too much?” you asked. thinking you invaded his space and were too emotionally mature while interacting with a delinquent, you backed off.

kakucho extended his hand and caught yours, affectively stopping you from moving away. then immediately took it back, as if the touch burnt his hand.

“no- you- it's okay. don't worry- nothing is the issue.” he smiled through the cringe at his words.

you nodded and smiled. you two stood in silence. but it wasn't uncomfortable. his company, you liked it.

“wanna sit with me?” you asked, he nodded.

another bout of silence. peaceful. it was nice. you could do this with him for hours. you didn't want to break the silence but it was important.

“have you been hurt anywhere?” you asked. “i have a first aid kit.”

“oh don't worry about it.” he waves it off with a chuckle. “nothing i can't handle.”

“you sure? i don't mind, really.” you lean forward to be able to look at him.

kakucho looks at you. and then breaks into a smile. “thank you.” you smiled back.

you went back to where you had kept your bag on the dirty floor. according to you if it's black no dirt would be visible and thus you threw it around like a rag everywhere. it had started to show up with the way it was getting worn down. a few chips here, a few loose threads there. you didn't really care though.

“aaalright,” you sang, sitting back down on the dirty floor. “let me know if i miss any spot, yeah?”

you begin without waiting for a reply. a cut on the forehead, a bruise on the jaw which would definitely turn into a swelling later on, another cut on the back of his hand a few busted knuckles.

“oh i missed one,” your lips part, eyes landing on kakucho's mouth. soft, plushy, pink lips.

with a cut.

you lean forward, closer. finger slowly raises and settles right below the cut. you examine it with sight and touch first.

though somewhere during that your thumb comes up out of nowhere and brushes the pad of it against the lip, feeling it under its soft, receptive touch.

your eyes don't leave his lips, mesmerized. why you don't know. but you are. you breathe slowly onto his lips.

and the back of, worried you might infect his lip with your breath. “sorry.” you speak sheepishly.

kakucho is a dead man. poor guy is a goner.

why would you subject him to this? so close yet so far away. untouchable, unreachable. he must stay focused, must practice his will power.

why are you so cute?

kakucho so badly wants you to kiss him. contamination be damned. he doesn't even think about it. he just wants your lips on his. he bets they are so warm and soft and delicious and oh lord he is doing everything in his power to not pull you in.

but the thoughts shock him. what is he thinking about? things aren't that simple anyway.

“(name)...” he breathes shakily, furrowed eyebrows, he grits his teeth, then sighs defeatedly.

“nevermind.” he backs away too, now realising he had leaned in towards you to sometime during this whole scene.

you finish up with cleaning his injury and finish it off with an ointment on the cut. the rest of it all goes by uneventfully. later, you both settle in silence.

“thank you, (name).” kakucho is the one to break the silence. his voice was always so soft. it was so comforting to your ears. he sounded so calm from inside, it reflected in his voice. you liked it.

“no need.” you replied, your own voice was so much quieter. reflecting the quiet and peace around you.

the two of you sat like this for another few hours. at least until the sun didn't set down. kakucho had calmed down by then too and allowed himself to appreciate and enjoy your company, in solitude. even if he couldn't kiss you… just yet.

[salvadorbonaparte]

April 2025 in Films

Uzumaki (2000) - A town becomes obsessed with spirals and tbh spirals are pretty cool!

The Swordsman (2020) - This film is like a mix of Taken and Zatoichi, with a Korean twist to it.

Oldboy (2003) - Even more twisted and hopeless than "Sympathy for Mr Vengeance". A film about a man who was held captive for 15 years for unknown reasons and by unknown people. He goes on a beautiful, violent revenge trip, eats a live octopus, and learns that he has just about as much control over his decisions as a doomed hero in a Greek tragedy. A specific Greek tragedy in fact. Awesome film!

Son of Saul (2015) - the most upsetting, brutal and bleak film I had to watch for my horror film class and this is not even a horror film. A Holocaust drama about a Sonderkommando prisoner trying to bury a boy who might or might not be his son.

Maja Ma (2022) - A Bollywood drama about a mother who is forcibly outed as a lesbian, just as her son wants to marry into a rich, conservative family. Madhuri Dixit is such a talented dancer and, honestly, kind of a milf.

Kill Bill Vol.1 (2003) - April was my month for revenge films. A beautiful film, and I always hate to admit to liking Tarantino films. Second best use of the song "don't let me be misunderstood" in cinematic history.

Lady Vengeance (2005) - The last film in the vengeance trilogy, with interesting references and overlaps to "Sympathy for Mr Vengeance" and "Oldboy" - Park Chan-wook really knows how to play with the same themes without making it boring. The third act has a little bit of "12 Angry Men" or "M" and I loved every minute of that part, but it took me a while to get into this film.

Chanthaly (2012) - The first horror film produced in Laos and certainly very low-budget. At first this is a very classic ghost story meets Rapunzel meets Gaslight. There is a very surprising plot twist that confused me so much at first. I would like to write a paper on this film.

The Color Out Of Space (2010) - a very straightforward Lovecraft adaptation, but changing the setting to WW2 Germany. I loved the use of color.

The Sadness (2021) - One of the most violent and depraved films I have ever seen. Imagine a zombie outbreak narrative but the zombies are fully conscious, alive and driven to act on their most vile instincts. The violence is gratuitous and feels self-indulgent, very edgelord-esque, but it is entirely coherent with the logic of the film. The effects are genguinely great but so over the top that it is ridiculous at times. I understand that this film wasn't for everyone and the criticisms are valid, I myself had a hard time despite being chill with extreme gore usually, but I still think it's a good film.

Season of Good Rain (2009) - this was my palate cleanser after "The Sadness". A cute romance about a guy on a business trip to China surprisingly reuniting with his college crush. I have the sneaking suspicion the actors learned their lines phonetically and didn't understand what they were saying. I love a cute accent though!

12.12: The Day (2023) - No I did not plan for this to be my 12th film in this list. A film about the 1979 coup in South Korea. Sometimes the bad guys win, because that's how it works in real life. The film really captured the desperation, disorientation and uncertainty of the coup in progress. While I watched this for a certain other actor (iykyk) I must highlight the absolutely stellar performance of Hwang Jung-min. His ruthless hunger for power gave me goosebumps. Like "Son of Saul", this is a horror film without being a horror film.

The Face Reader (2013) - this is really good for a film about something that was already a pseudoscience in the middle ages. Do not let the phrenology tiktok girlies find this.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005) - kind of tasteless considering this is based on a real story of a girl who died during an exorcism. Half possession horror, half courtroom drama. You'd think those do not mix well, but both genres are about uncertain truths. Was Emily Rose possessed? Spoiler: No, she was mentally ill and had epilepsy and the priest would have definitely deserved jail.

The Damned (2018) - An Israeli horror film about three soldiers getting lost in the desert something something Bedouins haunting them because of past crimes.

Shanghai Grand (1996) - stylish 1930s gangsters in Shanghai, doomed love stories, a fight scene including a snake, and three actors I like.

A Single Rider (2017) - The saddest ghost story I have ever seen.

Ashes of Time (1994) - watching this felt like reading an ancient epic poem from a culture I'm not very familiar with - fulfilling but a little confusing.

The Investigation (1966) - After reading the play for a class I watched the film version. This is a theatre adaptation of the Frankfurt Auschwitz trials and it is absolutely horrifying.

My Favorite Shapes by Julio Torres (2019) - I feel strangely seen by this comedy special and I do not know what that says about me.

Preman (2021) - a deaf gangster tries to save his child from other gangsters. I'm not sure if the gay French speaking hairdresser assassin is iconic or offensive but he kills a homophobe for having an ugly haircut so maybe both. I'm also not sure if this is a camp masterpiece or a trainwreck. Essentially, this is a film about how when your childhood gay best friend kills himself and you become a gangster and then your mentor is killed by your new boss you can kill several dozen people while hallucinating human-sized foxes bleeding out in a rainbow of neon colors.

Hana-bi (1997) - both violent and tender, with a current of dark humor flowing through it. the best use of pointillism in film since Ferris Bueller's Day Off. My experience watching this was slightly overshadowed by finding out Takeshi Kitano is the same Takeshi from the game show.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) - As children, my brother and I exclusively watched episodes III to VI for unclear reasons so everything I knew about this film was through pop culture osmosis. Nothing prepared me for how unnecessarily long it is. Or the child slavery space nascar subplot. Or just how annoying Jar Jar Binks actually is. Something positive I want to point out is the costume design.

Deliver Us from Evil (2020) - A really solid thriller about a hitman trying to retire but first having to save his kid from an organ harvesting ring while being hunted by the sibling of the last gangster he killed. I loved some of the flamboyant outfits and was excited to find out the hitman hunting the protagonist is supposed to be non-binary in a way. I support enby rights and enby wrongs!

The Legend of Tomiris (2019) - I love women! And this is a really important story to tell! And it's a well-made film. HOWEVER it did not need to be 2.5h long. It did not even need to be 2h long. I'm sure you could have edited it down to a comfortable 90 minutes. Also, The entire film is entirely grey and brown (with a liiittle bit of an earthy red). The length and extremely low-contrast coloring made it impossible for me to stay concentrated although I really wanted to like it. It would have just taken a little editing to turn this into a really good movie instead of boring and eye-straining.

[mercurialharpy]

Disappointment even when you don't meet your shitty heroes, but they still haunt you.

Step into my own personal wayback machine for a moment. It was Fall of 1992, I was rooming with five young women I barely knew in a college dorm suite, at a college I'd transferred to the year before. I remember looking at an end table and on it, was a comic book. I'd never been into comics personally. Like most folks at the time I'd imagine, I (incorrectly) assumed that comics were for kids, and strictly for superheroes.

I was about to learn how wrong I was. This happened to be an issue of The Sandman, and was borrowed by one of my roommates from her boyfriend. He happened to be there when I was thumbing through it. I don't remember exactly what we said; all I recall was he disappeared, and re-appeared a half an hour later with Preludes and Nocturnes, a collection of The Sandman issues 1-8. I was hooked. Completely and absolutely. From that moment forward, I was a Neil Gaiman fan, and although I wasn't a hardcore consumer of every piece he's done, I would stan him and defend him and his work to anyone who would listen. My roommate and her (now) husband, who remained friends with me for decades after college, have had more than one book signed for me from the man himself.

Following the end of the original Sandman series, the novel American Gods became my second favorite. When, in the late 2010s and early 2020s, I learned my two favorite works were finally in production for television, I was beside myself with joy. Vindication. At least for me, being a fan of Gaiman was like being in a club no one else wanted to be in but you.

In following the threads of the main plot of the series, Morpheus himself was an outcast because of the trauma he suffered at the hands of vile people. In turn, he was not a particularly nice guy. I absolutely got the message that you could be a literal god, and be broken at the same time. This, paired with learning about Greek Mythology while in school, gave me a deep and satisfying understanding of the material that persisted for years. Almost a decade before The Sopranos or Breaking Bad lit a fire under the antihero archetype, Gaiman had it on lock with his work. The best foreshadowing is when you don't see it coming at all, I suppose. I will always be a fan of the work. But I'm not in the club anymore. Even now, I'm gazing at a bound version of the entire Sandman series on the shelf, and I've given serious consideration to tossing it out with the trash bin entirely. In all honesty, I had a sinking feeling when I watched the premier of American Gods on Starz (a now defunct network). It was at once a very good show, and a very flawed adaptation of the novel. In one of the promo pieces for the show, I remember reading that Gaiman was immediately at odds with Producer Bryan Fuller, and the differences ultimately caused Fuller to leave the project while taking some of the A list actors with him. All I could think was "uh-oh. This isn't going to make it to the end." And boy was I right. But not exactly for the reasons I thought.

So now we know. All of the articles I could find discussing the allegations against Gaiman and his current wife are behind paywalls, so I'm not going to link them here. I would recommend heading to Reddit for the ugly details. Both the decades-old assault allegations, and Gaiman's jaw-dropping responses, have left me questioning what exactly I should do with a piece of foundational literature that as a writer, I depended on as one of my touch stones. Another creator on Tumblr (of course I can't find the blog NOW when I need it) mentioned that supporting the remaining seasons of The Sandman TV series and Good Omens is probably a good thing despite a moral imperative to stop supporting the author; it helps maintain an ecosystem of actors and TV/film production that has suffered terribly in the wake of the Covid Pandemic and the recent writer's strike. But that doesn't solve my internal struggle. In discussing the situation with my partner, he quipped "Well, why would he stop being an asshole, if he was consistently rewarded for it? Networks were tripping over themselves to offer this guy deals. Someone had to know what was really going on, and chose to ignore it." Oof. Late-stage capitalism strikes again. While researching this post, I came across a quote from actor Norm MacDonald, from his memoir "Based On A True Story:" “It's true what they say. Never meet your heroes. It turns out they're all a bunch of fucking assholes. They're probably the reason you turned into such a fucking asshole - because they were your heroes and you spent all your time trying to be like them.”

Yup. Accurate. A good Wiccan friend, who has since passed into the Summerlands, told me during a particularly ugly divorce "Harpy, remember the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. " This quote is often attributed to Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel. The source notwithstanding, this quote never sat right with me. In America, we are now contending with an almost terminal lack of empathy, as the authoritarian shit-show circus revs its engine. We are, again, a place where the cruelty is the point, and it appears co-conspirators are literally lining up to inflict as much damage as possible on weaker individuals without agency. I care. I'll never stop caring. This is my fatal flaw, my hubris. My middle-finger to the gods that be, telling me not to care, and look the other way. I will not obey in advance. And I will not pretend that something I loved dearly wasn’t created and elevated via the suffering of other women, directly or indirectly. In short, I refuse to be haunted by an author I once had boundless respect for. As a Norse Pagan, I don't pray to the gods for forgiveness per se. We (or as least I, in my practice) make offerings, and ask for help in just being a better person; take responsibility for missteps and hurtful things, as we know not even the Gods are immune from consequences.

I see none of this kind of contrition coming from Gaiman. I see a lot of narcissistic self-soothing and justification that just, well...turns my stomach. Musician Tori Amos's response to the allegations alone made me sob. I know well, having been the victim of narcissistic bullshit in the past. This avoidance may be a strategy for side-stepping potential legal exposure. Or, it could be that he's just an actual predatory asshole. For now, the book stays on the shelf. But I won't be touching it, or looking at it for a while. The ghosts will just have to chill for a minute, and be content with indifference for now.

[hamletshoeratio]

you say i can like a characters and acknowledge their flaws. Okey, did you acknowledge Kate and anthonies flaws???

What's y'all's obsession with Kate and Anthony? Genuinely asking here because some of the anons I've gotten have been saying absolutely vile things about Kate and Simone Ashley, which I refuse to post or give the time of day.

But anyways, I have been critical of Anthony before, particularly of how he handled the "love triangle" in season 2. I also hated his treatment of Sienna in season 1. I can acknowledge that his and Sienna's relationship was an important arc for his character, how ever much I hated his treatment of her. She deserved better. Additionally, a certain section of the fandom has to check their misogyny because the language used to talk about her is absolutely vile - and beyond hypocritical when compared to how the same people talk about Anthony.

Kate was mishandled by the writers. Full stop. The changes from the book were most detrimental to her and Edwina. I think Simone did amazing with what she was given, but they took out so much of Kate's development from the book. Most of my gripes with show!Kate are just frustration with writing decisions.

A lot of the writing decisions in general are just tone deaf. There's been a lot of rightful criticism on how the show has handled its bipoc representation. How Ruby Barker was treated in real life by netflix and the producers was disgusting. The way they've treated both her and her character has been vile. I hope to god her story in the show does not end the way it did in the books because that would be beyond horrific. If you're going to tell stories involving mental health issues, do so respectfully and responsibly. Otherwise, don't do it at all, because you're just doing more harm than good. Additionally, we've only had two minor queer characters for a show that prides itself on its representation. And those characters only appear in season 1. I'm not counting Brimsley because he only got proper characterization and arc in QC, and we have literally no clue where Reynolds is in the present timeline. And, while I enjoyed QC on the whole, the romanticization of Queen Victoria's birth as some sort of win for feminism took me out of the fantasy every single time. I'm not expecting the show to be historically accurate at all, the costuming confirmed to me that it wasn't trying to be back in season 1 and thats ok because its fantasy, but my god the way they include elements of real life history is beyond tone deaf.

Penelope herself was also mishandled by the writers. By making lady whistledown a far more active force in the show, they did not take into consideration what that would mean for her as a character. In the books, the Bridgertons react to the LW reveal like "oh OK, ride on Pen!" because LW hasn't been as destructive a force as she's been in the show. In the show, it makes no sense for them to react like that given what's been written about them and the impact that its had. LW, in the books, was far less harmful. By giving it a more active role in the story, they've unwittingly made her an antagonist because of the harm she's caused. Harm, I may add, that she's been mostly apathetic to. Show!Penelope needs a redemption arc, but she's probably not going to get one.

[velidewrites]

Don’t Look Back

Five hundred years ago, the humans fought hard for their freedom in the Great War and won. Now, their former masters seek retribution in a rebellion that grows stronger year by year. When Elain Archeron finds out marrying Greysen Nolan might be the only solution to keep her family safe from the ancient, cruel Fae, she doesn't hesitate to fulfil her duty. What Elain doesn't know, though, is that the man with the fiery hair and russet eyes is not her fiancé, but his killer—and when she finally finds out, well…it will be far too late to turn back.

Rating: Explicit

Notes: Happy Holidays @rainbowdolphinrealm! I absolutely loved being your Secret Santa for the @acotargiftexchange and getting to know you over the past few weeks! My little elf has told me there may be some Azris angst in the background, and a surprise Azris treat is also sleighing your way soon 👀

Read on AO3 or continue for Chapter 1 below!

*Please note that for reasons beyond my control (insanity) I have given this fic way too much lore. Here is a map I've drawn!

Chapter 1: The Visitor

Elain had never thought she would be dreading the spring. It was the season her gardens bloomed, the season that melted the lakes around the manor to reflect the fluffy clouds dotting the sky above. The flowers she’d planted over the harvest would sprout to life, their sleepy buds erupting into colours Elain would dream of all winter. Two years ago, her father had gifted her the most extraordinary tulips for her birthday, the intricate paintings over the pack of seeds promising shades of violet she’d never seen in New Prythian. He’d brought them right from the fields of the Montesere province far on the Continent with a vow to bring her along on his travels next year—so that she could see their beauty for herself.

Her mother died the spring after.

Father had gone anyway, but Elain—Elain stayed. She had lost all desire to travel, anyway, especially when the circumstances of the death had hardly been expected. The Continent had assured them the Fae rebellion was not a threat to be taken seriously, and that the Governor had everything under control. Out of the eight human clans looking after their world, Lord Nolan had perhaps been the only one Elain would put her trust in. If he claimed the scattered remains of the faeries of old were entirely harmless, then it must have been the truth.

Until a small group of them had broken into the Merchant’s manor and killed his wife in her sleep, with magic so corrupted and vile that not even a speck of blood had left a stain on her sheets. One moment, she was deep in a peaceful slumber, and the next, she was simply…gone.

Everything had happened very quickly after that. Orders had come in from wherever Father had sailed off to, and the manor had been fortified with ash-dipped iron from Vallahan—made by the Forge himself—and spells Father had acquired from his trades with the North. All entirely legal and ratified by the Governor—according to Father, at least. Elain knew better than to ever question the Merchant.

The manor, though fortified to the teeth, had not been enough to keep Elain or either of her sisters safe. The very last order came in with the Merchant himself, a rare smile on their father’s deep-creased face as he announced it to his daughters. Elain had never seen Nesta so horrified as her older sister had been in that moment—pale as the moon, whiter than the sheets their mother had died in. For Nesta Archeron, the eldest daughter of the feared Merchant of New Prythian, was to marry.

Somewhere along his usual search for old faerie artifacts, abandoned over the centuries after the Great War, Father had found his way into an alliance that would secure his territory’s position on the island. With Nesta’s marriage, there would be no Fae slipping past his borders, no other clan opposing him—no human ruler to ever deny him whatever faerie secrets they’d been holding in their keep. It was an alliance that rattled the seas all the way to the Governor’s seat in Rask—perhaps even crooked the crown on his greying head an inch.

Nesta, after all, had been promised to none other than Tomas Mandray. To the son of the Harvester.

Every human territory had a role to play in the new world order—after the Great War, order seemed to be exactly what the humans needed. Their freedom, won by bloodshed and sacrifice, broke them free as slaves of the Fae. Elain still dreamed of the horrid images her governess’s books taught her—of humans in chains, gleaming with white-hot magic, burning spells into their skin that made any chance of escape nearly impossible. Had it not been for the courage of the six ruling queens, all hope would have been lost. Five hundred years later, it would have been Elain in those chains, her sisters, her Father, even the all-powerful Governor. Even the Harvester.

His territory—the dark, somber island of Hybern—was one Elain would never so much as think of travelling to. Pretending the work the Harvester did there did not exist made everyone’s lives a lot easier. While the Merchant dealt with old Fae artifacts and traded them across borders, the Harvester’s work involved a lot more of getting one’s hands dirty. Enchanted faerie objects, after all, were not the only things believed to have valuable properties. High Fae hearts, for example, promised a long life, untainted by illness.

And the Harvester…well, the Harvester delivered them. Amongst many others.

The marriage had taken place shortly after the summer, and neither Elain nor her father had been invited to witness the nuptials. She had simply watched the ship sail off West as she lost yet another sister.

She would not think about that right now—not when spring had finally arrived again. Soon, her tulips would bloom again, flecks of pinks and violets shining softly under the young, shy rays of sunlight. Elain would not be there to witness it—right after Nesta’s marriage, Father had left for the Continent again, and this time, Elain expected the order.

She was to be married next.

My dearest Elain,

It is with a full heart that I bring you the joyous news of our latest triumph. I have successfully docked in Saetre, and the Governor has received me warmly—as expected. As I’m sure you have already guessed, he was most pleased with the offerings I have bestowed him. You’ve seen them yourself—the old Illyrian dagger seems to be his favourite as of right now, though I have not yet even shown him the rest of the treasure I have acquired from the Wildlands. I can already imagine his eyes light up as I hand him the pair of wings your sister had sent in from Hybern. I shall convince him to display it right above his throne, I think—a testament to Nesta’s success.

Our deliberations commenced shortly after dinner—a roast turkey and the most exquisite stew, if you’re interested. I have already sent a footman along with a separate letter containing the recipe—so that you may have the maid try it out in the weeks before my return. Winters in Rask are quite unforgivable, and I must admit a hearty meal like this was exactly what I needed. Rask rears its own livestock, you know—an impressive one, too, if I do say so myself. To not be dependent on Braemar for your dinner plans—imagine that! I am growing quite tired of the Huntsman raising his prices every harvest. Ridiculous.

Anyway, I digress. Rask has consumed my attention entirely, as I’m sure you can tell. I am confident you would enjoy it here, too. Winters are rough, yes—but I remember how much you’ve always wanted to visit the provinces in the West. Just imagine your beloved tulip fields, illuminated by golden sunlight—imagine being able to see them at your whim. What a life that would be, would it not?

My sweet Elain, I am writing to tell you that it could be. You know how dear our family has always been to me—but you, my beautiful daughter, have always been closest to my ageing heart. It is precisely why I had devoted all my efforts, all my resources, into this agreement. Elain, it is one for the pages of history. A union like no other.

You see, the Governor—Lord Nolan, our very ruler himself—was so impressed with your dowry, and concerned with the fate of our family in the past year—that he had offered his son, nay, his heir, as a candidate worthy of your hand. Your hand in marriage, Elain.

Indeed, the past year has brought our family hardship unlike ever before. I do mourn your mother still, and the loss of our young Feyre continues to be a fresh wound in my heart. It is only fair we honour them, would you not agree? Your sister, your brave, headstrong sister, has already taken that first step—and look how happy she is with the Harvester’s son. She holds power like no other human in our family ever had—right now, she is perhaps the most powerful woman in Prythian. Perhaps even more than the Siren herself. Elain, with your beauty, your grace, your heart—you could outshine them both.

I am sure you were too young to remember meeting Greysen Nolan—you were only five, after all, and he only twelve—but he has grown into a fine young man, and as heir to the Governor, he is the most eligible bachelor our world has to offer. A fine marriage like this would give us the protection we need—New Prythian would never have to deal with faerie filth again. Our people would be safe, Elain—and all because of you. My beautiful Princess.

I do hope this news brings some comfort to your healing heart. Lord Nolan has bestowed his son with a title prior to your official engagement. The Visitor, as your fiancé is now called, has taken on the role of supervising all clans and their work—of ensuring their role in our world guarantees our continued survival amid the growing rebellions in Old Prythian and Vallahan. Elain, as wife to the Visitor, your dream will finally come true—you shall accompany him on all his travels, see the world as you’ve always wished! It brings me joy to know I have assured you that fate.

I am to remain in Rask until the snow melts. The Visitor and I shall set sail for home with the coming of spring, and we shall host a celebration in your honour. An engagement ball envied in the eyes of any other young lady in Prythian, New and Old!

I am told Greysen (is it too soon to address him as such, do you think? He is to be my son-in-law) enjoys roses the most. Perhaps you could show some thought and consideration and embroider a pattern on your ball gown? I trust that this letter gives you enough time in advance. You’ve always been so skilled at crafts and other projects of creative character.

Be safe, my sweet Elain. Better times are coming—and sooner than you think!

With love,

The Merchant

Elain discarded the letter on her nightstand, thinking she might puke if she so much as tried glancing upon it again. From the neat, elegant cursive to the tone of the very words, the message reeked of her Father—of the Merchant . There were so many things wrong with its contents that the anger she’d been stifling in the pit of her stomach for the past few weeks had bubbled all over again, threatening to burn its way up her throat. Elain had never been any good at art—that was Feyre, the Merchant’s other daughter the Fae had only taken a few months ago. Taken and never returned. She was likely dead, her body discarded somewhere in the Wildlands. And Father didn’t even care.

He didn’t care that it was him Elain had always wanted to travel with, not Greysen Nolan, not anyone else. He’d promised to bring her along, at least once. Now, it was too late. He would lose his final daughter—for the safety of New Prythian. Naturally.

A new wave of guilt crashed into her with a sudden force, killing the fire inside her with little effort. She didn’t want the marriage, that much was true—but, her father’s personal agenda or not, the Fae rebellion was as real as the Visitor, no doubt already sailing her way. The Fae, though very few in number thanks to the work of the human clans, still posed a very real threat—her mother and sister were the prime example of how dangerous those creatures were. Five hundred years ago, they’d nearly won the War—had nearly rid the world of all humans and enslaved whoever remained. Until the humans turned their own magic against them—and took their freedom back. They have continued to preserve it ever since.

The clans of Old Prythian had always been successful in dwindling the numbers of whoever remained—the Fae, in all their mighty immortality, could hold out for centuries, using their magic to roam the lands in secret. Three hundred years ago, most of them had been pushed far north to the Wildlands, old faerie territories Elain had read about in her studies. There was little information on the former Solar Courts and their rulers—other than that the most powerful of them had a history of cruelty that could make the Harvester himself flinch in horror. Some part of her was glad the territory had been reduced to rubble—that, at the very least, the humans’ ancient killers could no longer rely on their fortresses to lock them all up.

She had seen the Huntsman’s reports on recent rebel activity in Braemar, though. The faeries may have been few, yes, but those foolish enough to crawl out of the Wildlands caused problems that would usually send shivers down Elain’s spine. The Huntsman’s own daughter, stationed in the North under the Guardian’s protection, had been slaughtered no more than six years ago when their outpost was attacked. Father had told her stories of fresh, crimson blood, gleaming on the thick, white coat of snow.

For what had to have been the hundredth time in the past few weeks, Elain debated that perhaps, an alliance with the Governor’s son would not be such a terrible thing. She may not have known him—let alone harboured any affection for him—but their marriage would strengthen the clans. If she married Greysen, perhaps no one else’s daughters would be slaughtered, no one else’s mothers killed in their sleep or sisters hunted in the forests surrounding their own homes. Elain could protect them—in whatever way she could.

Either way, she had no choice.

***

The forest rippled with the sound of teeth tearing into flesh. Over the centuries, they had grown longer— sharper , which was just as well. He needed as much protection as he could get these days, especially with weapons so difficult to come by. The camp was already growing unsettled, and he could feel the tension weighing on the air whenever he returned. The past few winters had been difficult enough.

The coming of spring was a welcome change. Spring meant they could hunt—the new year brought on as many animals as it had opportunities. The prey in his arms, grasped by the claws he’d sunk deep into its skin, just so happened to be both.

And what an opportunity it was. They’d been wishing for it for decades—centuries, even, or perhaps even more. Like many others, he found himself losing count of the passing years. They all seemed the same—eat, sleep, move, hide. Kill had only recently started to disrupt his routine. Yet another change he welcomed.

He spat out the blood, nose wrinkling with distaste as if on instinct, and watched as the liquid settled into the mossy earth. The body fell to the ground a moment after, leaving a heavy thud in its wake, heavy enough that he could have sworn it echoed between the trees. He would get an earful for not being careful later. The thought made his eyes roll as he wiped his nails clean on his crumpled shirt.

He pulled it over his arms, then, letting the fabric float away with the gentle spring breeze, and took a deep, steadying breath. The small, golden rays of sunlight peering through the budding leaves warmed his bare chest, and he tilted his head up to the sky, soaking up the sensation until the quiet gurgle at his feet inevitably commanded the return of his attention.

He sighed, kicking away the arm resting on his boot. The body rolled to the side, baring the unpleasant face to his sight yet again. For what must have been the fourth time in the past two minutes, he felt himself grimace. Something so ugly should not have been this finely dressed.

This, however, was a problem he could easily take care of. Holding his breath to avoid the stench of his prey’s spilling guts, he kneeled to free it from the immaculate, navy-blue jacket, dark, charcoal trousers and boots before its blood managed to stain them. The formerly pristine shirt was unfortunately already lost to him, though he supposed his own would do just fine.

For a split second, he wondered if the body should be buried. It would take little effort on his part, and he knew it had been travelling with a party before trailing off the carriage path to piss. It would be best to not leave any evidence behind, lest any of the man’s companions decided to follow their master and look for relief in the forest as well.

He sighed again, a sound he feared was starting to become a signature of his lately. With a flick of his hand, the dirt rustled quietly, and the ground parted, swallowing the body entirely.

Good. This was good. He only wished he’d taken a good look at the man’s face before letting the worms dig into the body he’d so benevolently left open for them. He needed the memory unscathed for the spell, and right now, he could not for the life of him remember the colour of his prey’s eyes. Oh, well.

He got dressed quickly, finding the fabric a little too tight in the shoulders. Come to think of it, the trousers also seemed to be a tight fit, his thighs unusually restrained by the silken threads. He would have to walk more slowly, he supposed. Ripping his seams open in front of dozens of humans was hardly the surprise he’d spent the past two months carefully devising.

Rising to his full height, he closed his eyes then as though for concentration. The tingling on his skin was hardly pleasant, but he endured it all the same until the memory in his mind finally faded away. There was no stream nearby to look over his reflection, but he knew the glamour had worked, anyway. It always did.

To those who knew the man he’d just murdered, he would appear as Greysen Nolan—the newly titled Visitor, hell, the Governor’s own firstborn son. He couldn’t help but smirk.

It seemed that Daddy was in for one hell of a disappointment.

***

Elain could not breathe in her gown.

“Just a few more minutes, Princess,” the seamstress repeated, the sound muffled through the needle she’d clenched between her teeth.

The nickname did little to ease her nerves. The Princess was hardly her official title, but her father insisted the staff—that everyone in New Prythian called his one remaining daughter as such. She used to adore it as a little girl, though upon further reflection, she had no doubt she’d earned a few spoiled brat ’s in those years. Still, the name seemed to have stuck, and, as she always did, Elain felt her cheeks flush furiously in response.

“I’m not a princess, Lavinia,” she reminded the seamstress, trying her best not to make her tone sound too pointed.

The woman scoffed. “You might as well be, Lady Archeron. The Visitor is a titled man, and if that wasn’t enough, he is the Governor’s heir.” She adjusted the ribbons adorning Elain’s sleeve. “Our royalty may be long gone, but everyone knows the throne resides at Rask.”

Elain hummed. “There is a reason we are no longer ruled by six queens. To anoint a new monarchy would be to dishonour their sacrifice.”

The seamstress scrambled quickly, “Of course, Lady Archeron. I only meant—the Governor holds a lot of power in the realm.”

Elain sighed and looked into the mirror. “I suppose that much is true.”

“You don’t seem very excited,” Lavinia remarked, meeting Elain’s gaze in her reflection. “Surely the Visitor is an excellent match?”

“Certainly,” Elain nodded. But excellent was not someone Elain was looking for. She wasn’t looking for anyone, truthfully, and yet here she stood, watching Lavinia touch up her gown for the final time before her engagement ball was to commence. “This is good, I think. You’ve done a wonderful job—as always.”

The seamstress offered her a smile. “Try to be happy, Princess.”

“Of course,” Elain lied.

It was clear enough that Lavinia had left her alone, quietly excusing herself out of the room. Elain could hear her mutter instructions to the guards at her door—she was to be escorted downstairs, whenever she was ready. Apparently, guests had already begun pouring in, and the Visitor was to make his grand entrance shortly.

Elain hadn’t even seen Father yet. Wherever he was, he clearly would make his appearance once the public had gathered in full.

It was to be expected, but Elain felt her heart sink nonetheless. She could use a few words of encouragement right now. Usually, it had been Feyre offering them without Elain even having to ask. But Feyre was gone. Had been gone for a while.

And she wasn’t coming back.

Exhaling shakily, Elain looked into her own eyes in the mirror, ignoring the tear welling up in one corner, her expression stern.

“You’re doing this for them ,” she told herself. “For Feyre, and for Mother, and for Nesta, so that no one else has to suffer like they had.”

Her reflection nodded, the pearls in her ears sparkling with the movement. She breathed out again, one last time, and braced herself for the three quiet knocks on her door.

“It’s time, Princess,” the order sounded shortly after. Elain, of course, obeyed.

The gown was a pain to walk in. It was beautiful, to be sure—she hadn’t lied when she’d complimented Lavinia’s work—though that hardly made it a comfortable garment to wear. Elain appreciated the way the corset hugged her curves, or the way it perked up her breasts, but she also appreciated being able to take a breath without immediately choking on it. She had never squeezed into a dress so impossibly tight. The flowers—roses—crafted by the ruffles of tulle rested attached at her hips, the ribbons of her sleeves caressing them as Elain made her way down the hall. The gown spilled down her body in petals of ivory and a dusty pink, making Elain herself look like a blossoming rose, floating with every step.

She almost enjoyed the thought until she remembered Father’s letter once again—until she remembered Greysen Nolan’s favourite flowers were, in fact, roses, and the gown’s very design served to appeal to his tastes instead of her own.

Had it not been for the guard’s heavy boots sounding behind her, Elain would have entertained the idea of turning back. Would Father drag her downstairs himself? Would he lock her up in Greysen’s carriage and ship her off without second thought? Elain had never once thought her own engagement ceremony would ever feel like an execution. And yet, here she was, followed closely by the Merchant’s personal guard, dressed up like a doll for a man she didn’t even know.

The somber thought accompanied her down the marble steps spiralling down to the ballroom, consuming her so thoroughly she could hardly feel the countless stares watching her every more. Father must have invited more people than she’d thought—dignitaries from all over the island, perhaps even the Continent itself.

Perhaps her seamstress was right—perhaps Rask was the closest they could get to royalty, and Elain truly could not have found a more advantageous match. She also could not have married at all.

But then she met her father’s gaze, and the guilt hit her with a familiarity that nearly swayed her off the stairs.

His eyes—brown, exactly the shade of her own—were shining with pride so unabashed she could not help but smile in his direction. She was doing all of this for him, too was she not? For her family—so that they may never see misfortune again. Nesta had been strong enough to proceed with her own match. Why should Elain be any different? She could do this—otherwise, watching that pride dim from her father’s gaze might just be the thing that killed her.

Slowly, she made her way up the dais to meet his extended hand. Behind them, two high chairs she supposed had been made to resemble thrones sat waiting for the Lord and Lady to be. Elain’s heart quickened in the constraints of her corset.

“This is real, Elain,” Father murmured over her shoulder, as though he could hear how loudly her heart thumped in her chest. If he did, he’d grossly misinterpreted the reason behind it. “This is truly happening.”

Elain swallowed something thick in her throat, and forced another smile as she turned to face him at last. “I know, Father.”

The white of his teeth nearly outmatched the chandeliers above. “You look absolutely spectacular,” he complimented, his smile wider as he noted the tulle roses. “Are you ready to meet your husband?”

She supposed there was no turning back now.

Father nodded to the guards. “Invite the Visitor in.”

Every single head in the ballroom turned as two, white-gloved hands turned the golden, ornate knobs and swung the doors open.

Elain held her breath—then counted to three. Four. Five.

On seven, he entered.

She’d spotted his jacket first—a deep navy-blue adorned with fine, silken thread. Fitted, charcoal trousers and boots, echoing quietly off the marble floor as the Visitor finally stepped into the light.

Elain’s breath caught in her throat.

He was, without a doubt, the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.

His long hair was like molten fire, a stark contrast against the depth of his jacket. Shades of red, auburn and orange, falling down his back in waves as the firelight danced on his golden brown skin—almost like greeting an old friend. There was something raw about his beauty—he was hardly one of the perfect, polished aristocrats she’d danced with at other balls. No, there was a cruelty about him—as if he’d been crafted by the same flame that gleamed playfully atop the chandeliers warming her skin, melting every guard she’d ensured to build up, every reason she could think of that made him the worst fate the world had in store for her.

Elain could have sworn that fire sizzled in his russet eyes as he reached the dais—as he stopped before her and bowed at the waist.

When he looked up again, their gazes locked and held. “It is an honour to make your acquaintance, Lady Archeron,” he greeted, his voice smooth and deep. “My name is Greysen Nolan.”

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

(how to resume the second half of this episode: *Captain Holt's voice* paiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin)

Season 1 episode 5 [A Vile Hunger For Your Hammering Heart] - part 2/2

- The way Louis' face is still as a statue as Loustat make their plans. The way you can feel the resentment covering the entire house.

- Lestat immediately shutting down going to Paris.

- And now welcome to the portion I'd like to call "Claudia Suffered More Than [insert your favourite martyr figure here]". Oof, Bruce immediately gives off a bad vibe, more than that white student who is after all only reproducing classic patterns of racism and classism.

- [Louis] "As the depression set in on the nation, I barricaded myself within the dilapidating walls of 1132 Rue Royale, educating myself from Lestat's library, ignoring all other duties of the role Claudia once mocked me for - the unhappy housewife." - was the raccoon really necessary? It is a nice touch, I won't lie, but really hammering in the point: the depression Louis talks about isn't just the Great Depression, it's his own (I like hammering points too, sorry). But you know what, I WISH I could lock myself wherever my books are and just ignore the whole fucking world and everyone in it for 3 or 4 years.

- [Louis] "Flaubert's style is so dense." - L'éducation sentimentale is, I'll admit it, a horror to read (but less than Le Rouge et le Noir, Stendhal really gave it his whole to make that one unbearable). Madame Bovary on the other hand is a gem.

[Lestat] "Louis Armstrong is in town tonight, playing at the Pelican" - when a bookworm introvert dates a music addict extrovert - beware the conflicting schedules and discordant ambiances. (In which I am Louis and the perfect day is a quiet day with classic music playing lowly in the background and a pile of books)

[Lestat] "You sound like every pompous Sorbonne student I've ever eaten." - ... As a former Sorbonne student, I have absolutely nothing to say in my defence (I studied French and English literature and linguistics for a year with a minor in audio-visual media, fyi). I am sadly very self-aware of how pompous I sound whenever I start talking literature. Sorry not sorry. (would absolutely not protest if Lestat decides to give me a visit. Ahem. Who said that.)

- [Lestat] "'You draw me into your gloom.' [Louis] 'It's your fault she's gone. If you hadn't pushed her... ' [Lestat] 'Claudia.' [Louis] 'If you hadn't done your...' [Lestat] 'Claudia, Claudia. I cannot listen to this insanity about Claudia one more time, bordel de merde.'"

I know we justifiably talk about Armand's "Lestat, Lestat, Lestat" litany, but Lestat's "Claudia" is quite good too.

Also, can't quite decipher what Lestat says in French there. English accent too thick. I think it's "ils me chient dans la main [gibberish]" ("they" or maybe "he shits in my hand") but don't quote me on that.

- Bruce's been stalking Claudia for a while, huh. And interesting to note that it's partly Louis' fault, his repetitive calls to Claudia that attracted his attention.

- Louis's destroying that table. I'm going to focus on that instead of whatever happened to Claudia or what Louis's doing to Daniel, no thanks. Just like how Armand immediately calms Louis down, and gonna cheer for that slap, good one, Daniel, well deserved, about time.

- [Lestat] "It could be her, but I am the one who is currently standing in front of you, and unlike Claudia, I am a full-blooded adult... with all the right appendages. So if all my considerable considerables continue to be squandered..."

'Stat... Yeah, I have nothing to say.

- [Grace] "Whoever you are that took my Louis" - yeaaah, if one of my sibling would say that to me, I think I'd just crumble and shut down. But at the same time, kudos to Grace for having the strength to bury her brother while he's standing in front of her and keeping whatever secrets he's guarding.

- [Claudia] "I spent time following Louis and Lestat now that I am my own woman, with no obvious sense of why I follow them, other than meaning slowly disintegrates without them... my companions in immortality. But today at the cemetery, I finally understood something so obvious, which I pondered for a decade... why they made me. To be Louis' sister."

*silently sobbing* It's the way Louis knows that passage by heart, and the way Claudia's prose keeps on being heartbreaking.

It's how Louis curls around his pain, and how Claudia makes herself taller in the face of this pain. It's how they don't even need more than an embrace and a word to make it better. It's how siblings who have gone through the same shit know each other so intimately. It's how that's the moment Claudia goes from daughter to sister.

- [Lestat] "The vampires out there are vicious. Oh. But you knew that already. Who did you meet out there in the American hinterland?" - oh, you are being especially awful, Lestat. I love you but you are being unfair. Even if you fear loneliness and abandonment, even if you've just went through seven years of not getting a single kind word or affectionate gesture from Louis... Lashing out, refusing to tell Claudia the truth about European vampires, the cruelty, the violence... No, that's not a good reason for it. But then again you wouldn't be Lestat if you didn't lash out when terrified and angry.

- Ouch. Contrasting that fight seen through Claudia's perspective with the s2 scene seen through Louis and Lestat's... Shivering. This is baaaaad.

Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't wanna see that part. I don't want to have to think about it and analyse it.

Man, I had forgotten how much that episode fucking hurts.

No, but the way Louis won't even say "I don't love you" not just because he won't give Lestat that satisfaction, because he lives to be stubborn and contrary, but maybe also because after all, after everything, that would still be a lie, and Louis doesn't lie; he forgets, he obfuscates, he redirects, he refashions his memories, but he doesn't lie... Even when his own life depends on it.

Episode insider:

Rolin Jones saying for Claudia "why was I the thing to make up for your mistakes". Yeah.

"This is where we start building the Anne Rice universe. As Lestat rightfully warned her there are wolves around the corner."

"It's the kid that goes 'My parents weren't all that bad. I have gone out and seen life. It is not all easy and conquerable'. And she comes back with hat half in hand, but with a mission - to take the good vampire and continue on with her life, and that is at odds with the other vampire in the house."

"It is about the fight of Louis, the fight for Louis's soul. I mean, in the end, it's 'Everbody Loves Louis', isn't it?" - Louis is catnip for vampires. And honestly I can relate. Did I say lately he's my favourite too...

That shot of Lestat hovering in the air all dressed in black with his hair floating around him while Claudia covers Louis's broken body with hers... Enraged Angel. Oh, that's worthy of a full oil on canvas painting.

Alright. That was harsh. And we're so not done. We love angst and tragedy, yey! *sobbing*

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | part 1 | episode 6 | episode 7