#he wants to be loved (as in appreciated/acknowledged he has no desire for romantic attraction because it feels like a burden to him)

[ukuslip]

book romance-repulsed aromantic . that's it

[bethanydelleman]

How much love and how much lust made Darcy propose to Elizabeth in your opinion?

Because my headcanon is that Darcy is somewhat demisexual and feeling something sexual was (possibly) new to him and it convinced him to propose. I've seen some people see Darcy as a bad boy and lust is almost completely what convinced him to propose and on the other hand there are others who see him completely head over heels in love with Elizabeth.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. (And sorry if you have answered something like this before.)

Thanks for the question!

If we head back to the very beginning of Darcy liking Elizabeth, we learn it's not about "fine eyes" but "rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes." and "in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness." Darcy did totally resist Elizabeth's beauty before he knew her, it was her intelligence and playfulness that caught him. However, as often happens in Austen, this attraction to her mental attributes leads to appreciation of the physical, "he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and pleasing"

I also read Darcy as demisexual. However, by Hunsford he is clearly intensely experiencing both lust and love. His proposal is about overwhelming desire:

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (don't know why I'm quoting this, ya'll know it by heart I'm sure)

Now as for the ratio, that's hard to tease out. Elizabeth assumes that this is a fleeting feeling (ie lust), which will quickly fade away. That is clearly not the case, especially since we know he's been attracted to her since the last fall. Romantic love is for most people intertwined with lust, at least in my experience as someone who isn't asexual. It means you want to talk to them forever but also tear off all their clothes.

I do think he's seriously in love with Elizabeth, even if he doesn't have a completely healthy regard for her (disdain for her family isn't a great look). I don't think it fits with his character at all to propose marriage based on lust. He thinks very seriously about marriage and he's aware that it will last forever. He has carefully considered the pros and cons, he's not acting purely from emotion. The fact that he stays longer in Kent and doesn't propose till the end of his visit speaks to how much he's thought about it. That's not lust-based irrationality.

And the fact that he listened and changed! That's not lust or a fleeting feeling. That is actual love and respect. If it had been lust alone, it probably would have been fully extinguished by his mortification.

So the answer is... 50/50?

[moonymanoush]

Barbie Movie Review

Hello everyone and welcome back! Before I give my own thoughts on the movie, I want to acknowledge all the critics that have been primarily focused on calling this film on being “woke, feminist, liberal, etc. etc.” The movie is literally called Barbie — if you expected a conservative trad wife film where the girl is there for sex appeal or in order to further the male protagonist’s story that’s your own fault! Every iteration of Barbie focused on the doll itself and its ability to have literally every career possible while Ken was little more than an accessory. Even when viewers mention Barbie's Life in the Dreamhouse as an example of Barbie and Ken’s romance, they do not acknowledge that Ken has no aspirations, career, or life outside of being Barbie’s boyfriend. This is only to say, that this movie had a very clear trajectory — it just doesn't make sense if I show up to a movie like Fast and Furious and leave complaining that the film didn’t spend enough time on romance.

Beyond that, I went into the movie expecting a misandrist film because of the amount of feedback I had seen online prior to watching it. But it was honestly so kind to men. The executives at Mattel are treated as comedic characters, the kens are himbos, and Allan is an ally. Even at their most patriarchal, all the men are seen at most as misguided — not as true antagonists or villains of the film. Despite being a funny character whose dialogue I appreciated, Will Ferell is also a perpetrator of the system. Immediately after America Ferrera pitches her average Barbie idea, he shoots it down but only accepts it once it’s backed up by a man who says it's actually a good idea. It mimics reality in that a woman is never respected the same way a man is — ideas are only worthy of praise after validation from a man. Instead of seeing Will Ferrel telling President Barbie to call him mother as insulting to the actual creator and mother of Barbie – the doll and the girl –, it’s played off as a joke. The Kens also get an entire arc of self-discovery and realizing who they are on their own instead of in relation to Barbie. Honestly, I was very unsatisfied with how men were treated in the film because even after taking Barbie’s house and brainwashing her friends, Ken gets the apology and the comfort even though his primary motivation came from unrequited love.

The media continues to push the messages that stalking and coercion are appropriate gestures used to show love to a woman. For instance, in The Notebook Noah (the male lead) hangs off of a Ferris wheel, interrupting Allie’s (the female lead) date with another man, and threatens to kill himself by letting go and falling to his death should she not agree to go on a date with him instead. This is a direct representation of coercion and completely disregards ‘no means no���, making Allie feel as though she has a duty to go out with Noah. It further reinforces the idea that a woman has the responsibility to keep a man happy and her own wishes and desires come secondary to his. In addition, not only do these types of scenes condone behaviour such as rape, harassment, stalking and coercion on a male audience, but they also impact women’s view of what a loving and healthy relationship entails. I hate to go on a tangent about a separate film — but the message being consistently pushed is that persistent behaviour is romantic and men are almost owed a relationship.

Misogyny is an underlying theme in most media, portraying women as stereotypes. Women face the juxtaposition of being “not like other girls” while aiming to be viewed as conventionally attractive. The issue is that media, and particularly films, spread the message of misogyny on a subconscious level and consumers who regularly watch these films will internalize this inherently sexist bias. In the movie She’s All That (1999), the main character Laney undergoes a makeover and exchanges her smock for a tight-fitting dress to be perceived as more conventionally attractive. Suddenly, Zack, the male lead, finds her beautiful because she has adopted a certain level of femininity despite the movie pushing the message that she’s ‘not like other girls’. The propaganda in the film pushes the idea that if a woman is not feminine enough, she will not be desirable. By the end of this film, both of the main leads are classic stereotypes of what their gender demands of them. Many movies follow the same formula, a nerdy girl (who is beautiful by all means) catches the attention of a popular boy and changes herself so he wants her. The defining feature is that she never truly changes her appearance for herself.

Further, this isn’t an isolated incident or a recent trend in the media where women aren’t written as anything other than two-dimensional and vapid. Legends have been told from the beginning of time punishing women for the crime of existing. In “Spiders in the Hairdo”, Jan Harold Brunvand's Encyclopedia of Urban Legends observes that “In a thirteenth-century English exemplum a vain woman who was habitually late for mass because she spent too much time arranging her hair was visited by the devil in the form of a spider that attached itself to her coiffure.” This goes to show that there is a definite religious interpretation of these legends, due to many religions condemning vanity. Self-obsession is seen as a form of idolatry where they compare themselves to the greatness of God, distancing themselves from religion and faith. (Living Faith: Daily Catholic Devotions) The woman is late to mass — a religious showing of faith in God — because of her vanity, ergo that very quality is something to be condemned and punished.

Another interpretation is purity culture and the belief that a woman who takes care of her appearance is doing it to impress men. This ties closely with religion, but it involves the belief that women who are sexually active or are around the opposite gender are something shameful. A man sleeps around and is a stud, a player — a woman doing the same is a whore, a slut, a hussy. The patriarchy reinforces structural violence against women by projecting discriminatory gender roles that often place limitations on how far they can go. In “Curses! Broiled Again!” Jan Harold Brunvand's Encyclopedia of Urban Legends notes, "Besides this technological naïveté, the story comments on youthful vanity and carelessness.” Brunvand states that the woman in this legend, and the one before it, are young, careless girls who care more about their beauty than any internal qualities.

Women aren’t allowed to have their own characteristics, careers, or any aspirations that don’t involve marriage and children. A simple reflection of women existing outside of the scope of being someone’s wife or mother is enough to enrage the simplest of men, which is why Barbie has received so much backlash. I generally find it upsetting that men refuse to engage in media that criticizes them. Women watched this film and analyzed every bit while men focus on mojo dojo casa house and insulting any female leads.

My overall favourite quotes:

“We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they’ve come”

“Women hate women, men hate women. It’s the one thing we can all agree on.”

“I’m a man with no power, does that make me a woman?”

Another scene worth commending is the one with Barbie telling the older woman “You’re so beautiful.” her response is “I know it.”

Regardless, this film criticizing the system while being created by a multi-billion dollar corporation is partially hypocritical to me. I would've appreciated seeing the struggles of intersectionality addressed as well as capitalism, but the men in charge are seen as funny little men who aren't actively exploiting the working class and promoting the ideology of consumerism. This movie isn't meant to change your whole reality or provoke a strong hatred because it’s very much a surface level analysis of a woman’s role in society. It could’ve been better but the criticism and backlash strawmans the main point of the movie. Overall, a fun watch! Let me know your thoughts too!

Sorry for being massively inconsistent but hopefully more posts to come soon!

[bwhitex]

Dating Authentically: Embracing Yourself Without Apologies

In the world of modern dating, we are often confronted with a myriad of "dos and don'ts" that can make navigating romantic relationships feel like walking through a minefield. From playing hard to get, to presenting a polished version of ourselves on social media, the pressure to conform to societal standards of attractiveness and desirability is immense. But what if the key to successful dating isn't about moulding ourselves into a 'perfect' partner but rather, about embracing our true selves, flaws and all? In this blog, we'll delve into why being authentic is crucial in dating and how psychological principles support this approach.

The Psychology of Authenticity

Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology, taught us about the importance of being genuine. He argued that for personal growth, we must have an environment that provides us with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood). When these conditions are present, individuals can develop a greater capacity to accept themselves and understand their feelings, which is a cornerstone of meaningful relationships.

In dating, this means showing up as our true selves. The façade of being who we think our date wants us to be can only lead to relationships built on shaky foundations. It's like constructing a building on sand—eventually, the truth will come out, and things may crumble.

Self-Compassion: Your Dating Superpower

Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion also provides insight into dating authentically. By treating ourselves with kindness, acknowledging our common humanity, and being mindful of our imperfections, we set the stage for healthier and more honest relationships. Dating with self-compassion means we don't beat ourselves up after a date that didn't go well or obsess over our faults.

When we date with self-compassion, we're less likely to tolerate bad behavior from others because we know we deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. We also apologize less for being ourselves—whether that means owning our quirky laugh or not hiding our love for geeky hobbies.

The Detriment of the Apology

In many dating scenarios, there's an underlying pressure to apologize for our preferences, opinions, and even our personality traits. This is where we need to draw a line. Apologizing for being late to a date is considerate, but apologizing for your taste in music, your career choice, or your sense of humor is unnecessary and counterproductive. It undermines your self-worth and sends a message that you're not confident in who you are.

The truth is, a partner that's truly compatible with you will appreciate your idiosyncrasies and the unique blend of traits that make you, you. They won't want your apologies; they'll want your authenticity.

Embracing Vulnerability

Vulnerability is another concept that's crucial in dating. Dr. Brené Brown's research has shown us that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a profound strength. When we allow ourselves to be seen, truly seen, we open the door to real connection.

In the context of dating, this means having the courage to express our feelings, desires, and fears. It's about being honest about what we're looking for in a relationship, whether it's something casual or a life-long partnership. It's about having the difficult conversations about values, boundaries, and needs.

Conclusion: The Unapologetic Path to Love

The path to love should not be paved with apologies for our very essence. While compromise is a necessary part of any relationship, it should never involve compromising on being yourself. As we navigate the dating world, let's remember the words of Carl Rogers and the importance of being in an environment that allows us to be our true selves.

So, go on that date. Be unapologetically you. Laugh too loudly, share your love for obscure indie films, and talk about your dreams and passions. The right person will adore you for it, and you'll be building a relationship on the solid ground of authenticity.

Remember, in the grand scheme of your love story, the most important person to fall in love with first is you. When you do that, you won't feel the need to apologize for being who you are—and that's when you'll attract someone who loves you for you.

[jaykayblr]

— ENHYPEN IDEAL TYPES ;

– HEESUNG ;

Venus in virgo

First of all, he is very loyal and devoted. 

He desires someone who is natural, simple, kind and modest.

He wants commitment in a relationship. 

For him, relationships are more than just a romantic relation. 

For him, work is as important as love so he will pay equal time and attention to both

He is not the type to jump into a relationship immediately because he needs time to observe and analyze everything. 

He needs order in his life so he needs someone who is as organized as him. 

He is a perfectionist and needs everything to be up to the mark and just perfect. 

He can be very insecure and can find faults in you so be patient with him. 

– JAY ;

Venus in taurus

In a relationship he values loyalty and devotion before anything else.

Flirty, pretty simple in tastes, and very affectionate, he wants a long-standing and deep relationship, one that will evolve into a full-fledged marriage preferably.

He might be a materialist, just because he likes to be spoiled and to fulfill his desires.

He will prefer their partners to be calm, patient, with principles stemming from traditional places.

He is very observant and patient when it comes to love and romance

He’s very calm and takes it slow because he wants to be sure that he’s not going to waste his time or get hurt.

He likes to set his own pace, build the bond in time through experiences, mutual trust, and understanding.

Stability is all he wants, and he’s prepared to wait a lot to gain it.

He likes it simple and to the point.

A good looking person who knows how to take care of themselves is his type.

Steady minded and down to earth people attract him.

– JAKE AND SUNGHOON ;

Venus in scorpio

He desires someone whom he can be proud of. 

He is willful and determined and does nothing half-way 

Only if he finds someone to be worthy, he will dedicate his time towards them. 

He’s fiery, volcanic, enthusiastic, extremely loyal, and has a tendency to assert his control everywhere he goes. 

He’s honest to a fault and doesn’t have any prior thoughts before committing and sharing his life with his partner.

He does tend to become too involved in his partner’s life, probing their secrets at every step of the way, wanting to find the mysteries that lie within.

He prefers people who are resolute, intense, and passionate about what they do

He takes some time to get to know his partner, seeing how they approach challenges, their outlook on life, but once he decides to commit, rarely does he ever regret his decision.

If he gives his all to a relationship, puts forth incredible efforts to build a stable and secure situation for them both, he expects the same from his partner.

He can be possessive to a fault. Afterall we are talking about a Scorpio placement. 

– SUNWOO ;

Venus in gemini

He likes people who can intrigue him on an intellectual level.

Those who know how to speak, how to form interesting phrases, who know exactly what it is they’re debating, those who are curious, studious, intelligent.

He’s more into enthusiastic, playful and smart people, the ones that can whip up a fresh subject just when the previous one has started to get boring.

He likes his freedom and independence too much to ever give it up, so don’t even think about becoming possessive.

He might appear as super funny, charismatic, and the smartest guy in the room who can speak about anything, but no matter what sort of relationship you have with him, he’s still going to have his secrets, the parts that no one gets to see.

Romantically, he wants his actions and feelings to be appreciated, to be acknowledged, to see that he’s doing the right things.

As for his partner, he wants them to have their own life, to do their own things without depending on his approval or constant support.

This guy loves people who can hold their own in a debate without resorting to fallacious arguments, and if they notice logical errors in others’ arguments, that would be even better.

He would like his partner to be multifaceted, someone who tries a lot of things just for the

– JUNGWON ;

Venus in aries

When he falls in love, he expects the target to fight for their independence, to struggle against his advances, to not give up easily.

He wants his partner to be independent, to have their own plans, and not depend on him for living their life.

He is attracted by a direct, straightforward and confident person who isn’t afraid to say what they want, to express their feelings, and to grab a hold of their potential.

Lively, outgoing, energetic, and very intense, this is what he wants from his ideal person. 

It would be good if they practiced sports or if they had a very healthy lifestyle in general.

This means that they care about their own looks and general wellbeing and that they are not lazy. 

What’s more, he wouldn’t mind even if they were to take the lead in the relationship, as long as they make the right decision. 

He enjoys having a strong person at his side, and you would do better to show that to him.

There is only one life, and you have to live it fully. 

He appreciates a straightforward and honest partner who doesn’t beat around the bush..

– NI-KI ;

Venus in capricorn

He has a very pragmatic approach towards romance.

He looks for partners who are serious about being in a relationship with him.

Mutual understanding and reliability are one of the most important traits of his ideal relationship.

He desires someone who is supportive, understanding, ambitious and persevering.

He desires someone who exudes the same earthy aura as him.

He desires someone strong, successful and ambitious.

He has a hidden, passionate side which he will only reveal to you after you have gained his trust.

He attracts the person of his desire by appearing mature and in control.

He is attracted to people who are older or more mature

He is attracted to strong, “executive” type people and his mate must be competent and responsible.

[ Requested by anon ]

Note : This post is completely based on astrology. I didn't know the group very well so I took the help of astrology for this.

Genre : based on astrology | wc : 1.1k | warnings : none |

© Jaykayblr

[morphinethevaccine]

Fukuzawa and Poe Relationship Headcanons with a female s/o  (N/SFW)

In response to this ask

Warnings; n/sfw. the rest of Fukuzawa’s and the entirety of Poe’s is under the cut.

There's a certain intensity to Fukuzawa's love style. He's an individual firm in his beliefs and steadfast in the principles essential to him; naturally that passion extends, quite strongly, to one of the most important people in his life: you. Fukuzawa is not one for shallow infatuations. 

To have his heart means, through time and trials, you have proven yourself a dependable and faithful partner. As such, there is nothing insincere or trifle about his love for you: Fukuzawa does nothing by halves. Position considered, there are often more important things for him to attend to than leisure activities. 

Because of this, on occasion, the extent of your interactions are a walk through Yokohama at sunrise or discussing current affairs over tea. Fukuzawa is sure you understand the value you hold without the point needing to be reiterated, but he's discerning enough to recognize the importance of making time in his life for you.

Since his responsibilities mean the frequency of such encounters are often outside of his control, the quality and substance of his time with you is important. While you might get the occasional smile or humorous remark out of him, lovemaking is generally a very serious affair for Fukuzawa. 

You are his sole focus in the moment, a level of attention that can result in an experience almost as intimidating as it is intense. You'll find you rarely need to tell him what you need; he has a particular way of figuring it out, guided by your hands along his back, the uptake in noises you make, the way you stir beneath or clench around him. 

Fukuzawa is not an impulsive type: he's thorough in his approach to pleasing you, not with the intention of agonizing or teasing, but with an adoring stroke, intention of inspecting every valley, every curve, every place on and within you. 

In him you have a lover who can appreciate imperfections; one quite perceptive to your needs, observant of the hitch of your breath, the noises you make as his hand dips below your waist or strays along your breasts. Years of sword training have left his hands nicely calloused and they provide a pleasant textural experience, one he'll indulge you in if you enjoy it.

Fukuzawa is a simple man: there isn't much need for lingerie or performative behavior. Your natural charm and body alone do more for him than elaborate attempts at seduction or showy garments, though recognizing the effort that goes into such gestures, he'll be appreciative nonetheless. 

He finds you attractive without additions, without you feeling the need to 'seduce' him. Subtle sensuality goes a long way: skip the corset or bustier and instead opt for a long silk robe or yukata, material ever so gently slipping off one shoulder to innocently reveal nothing underneath... 

This is not to say he doesn't find enjoyment in extras for he is, in fact, quite satisfied with a gentle massage or shared bath if you have them in mind.

For Fukuzawa, sex is more than just a bodily act; its one of the few opportunities he has to get completely lost in you. Though it might not be as often as you both desire, when he does have you all to himself in private, rest assured it's an all day event, for Fukuzawa isn't short on stamina, and one in which he ensures you never have any doubts about his love and dedication.

Poe's a little clueless in matters of love and relationships. It's not that he's unintelligent, but rather that his knowledge of certain situations is more likely to come from secondhand sources rather than his own experiences. And when it comes to something he has little experience in, Poe would rather do it as it's ‘usually’ done; problematic if its based on a cheesy or unreliable source.

Watch his expression devolve into defeat if you take one look around the room and explain... well, you don't eat that kind of chocolate, the placement of those candles looks questionable at best, and honestly, people really don't recite serenades outside of Shakespeare or harlequin romances...

Even if the delivery ends up being just a little off, his heart is always in the right place. He's willing to recreate your favorite romantic scene from a movie or book you enjoy, down to minor elements like the engraving on the end table or color of the frames flanking the wall portraits. 

If there's one upside to him being a writer and mystery-lover, it's knowing both how to set a scene and the possession of an above average attention to detail. He's got both the time and resources to invest in crafting such an experience.

Despite some of his more unusual qualities and fixations, Poe can be a rather conventional partner. If it's a night planned in advance, dinner someplace secluded is a given, complete with a gift or token of appreciation. 

Poe's quite willing to please, both inside and outside the bedroom. If there's anything in particular you want him to do, you only need ask. He might express reservations, but he isn't likely to reject a request coming from someone he loves.

Poe has a bit of a low tolerance for provocative stuff. It's not that he hates it, but enjoying something and being used to it aren't mutually exclusive. Indirect approaches are more disarming: wear a shirt with a button or two conveniently misplaced, or have a discussion that seems just a little more suggestive than usual. 

Something that gets his attention: layers. Instead of going straight for the tantalizing getups, do the reverse and pick something with pieces to shed. As the day gets on into the evening and your attire falls more and more into racy territory, he'll find himself getting offly warm under the collar. Anticipation is part of the fun, after all, and a slow build up has a particular way of getting him antsy long before the deed is even done.

Poe's not even too used to hearing his own voice in a normal context, so he's definitely not one to be very vocal in bed. He’s probably imagining he’ll sound stupid panting in your ear, so consciously muffled noises should be your expectation, unless he slips up. 

Oral is particularly good for this reason: he’ll find it harder to restrain himself, and the angle provides you an excellent view for observing how flushed and breathless he is, and the facial expressions he's surely doing a poor poor job of managing. One thing Poe happens to enjoy, however: your voice, whether that be sounds of pleasure or gasps or mutters or merely reading a book out loud around him. 

His name said in an admiring tone does things to him. Want to make his night? A well-timed compliment works wonders, and while his desire to be recognized isn't quite at praise kink levels, a little acknowledgement goes a long way. Tell him he's doing a great job or how wonderful it feels during, or talk about how lovely of an evening it was afterward-- and watch him melt just a little. 

[iam93percentstardust]

Hey, I hope you're had a very pleasant birthday and birthday month! If the prompte are still open: Can you do Stony with Tony finally and sorta randomly confessing his love to Steve and Steve only then realizing that what he feels for Tony is romantic love as well?

Hello! Sure thing! Quick note: there’s a change between present and past tense for a flashback, for anyone who doesn’t like that kind of thing

As always, everything I write is also on ao3

~

“I love you,” Tony says, and Steve doesn’t quite know what to do about that.

He won’t say that he’s thought about it before because he hasn’t. But he won’t say that he’s never thought about it either—because he has, occasionally, glanced at Tony’s ass outlined by his perfectly tailored pants and appreciated the sight, and he has, once or twice, wondered what Tony’s warm, sparkling eyes would look like when hazy with pleasure. But a quick, glancing thought that he immediately moves on from is not the same as being attracted enough to Tony to think about asking him out or anything past that.

And now that he’s faced with that question, he doesn’t know what to say. Is he supposed to thank Tony? Is he supposed to acknowledge his feelings and say that he doesn’t feel the same way? Is he just supposed to ignore what Tony said? This is why he has so much trouble with his dates—he never knows how to act in a way that isn’t awkward. No wonder Natasha recently declared him hopeless after he came back from his last date covered in her sticky drink because he accidentally called her a dame.

“I love you,” Tony says and Steve doesn’t know what to do about that, but as it turns out, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Tony nods immediately afterward, says, “Good talk,” and turns and walks away like he wasn’t expecting an answer—or at least, not one that he would like.

Steve doesn’t know what to do about that either.

~

“Do you think I’m in love with Tony?” he asks Natasha later that day when they’re relaxing on the couch while some mindless sitcom plays in the background.

Natasha blinks at him and then caps the nail polish she was using and puts it on the coffee table. “Do you think you’re in love with Tony?” she asks carefully.

He frowns at her. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I should just tell you what to think.”

He sighs and takes another sip from his Coke, only to realize that it’s empty. Yeah, that describes his life pretty well. “I’m gonna get another one,” he says, standing up. “Do you want something?”

She shakes her head. It’s not until he’s in the kitchen, grabbing another Coke from the fridge, before she asks, “What brought this on?”

Steve thinks about the vulnerable look on Tony’s face as he said those three words. He probably wouldn’t like it if Steve told Natasha what they’d discussed. Or, well, he’d probably act like it was fine but he’d secretly feel hurt and might put the workshop into blackout mode again. Steve hates it when the workshop is in blackout mode. He doesn’t like that he can’t get to Tony when he’s feeling so terrible that he has to shut himself away. He wants to be there to support him, and he hates it when he’s the one who makes Tony feel like he has to close off the workshop.

“Nothing,” he tells Natasha.

She gets up to come into the kitchen, where she eyes him for a moment and then declares, “Tony finally told you, didn’t he?”

How does she always know?

“How do you always know?”

She smiles enigmatically. “I always know,” she says in that mysterious tone.

Steve glares at her. “Tony told you, didn’t he?”

“Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t.”

“One of these days, you’re going to have to admit that you two are friends.”

“Hmm,” she agrees. “But not today.” She hesitates, watching as Steve starts preparing a ham sandwich. “So Tony told you he loves you and you said?”

“Nothing,” Steve says with a shrug. “JARVIS, do you think it would be a good idea if I took this to Tony?”

“Sir has not expressed an explicit desire to keep you out of the workshop but I believe he would not appreciate you down there at the moment.”

Steve sighs. “Great. Could you send U up here to bring this sandwich down?”

“Of course, Captain Rogers.”

With that taken care of, Steve turns back to Natasha, following her back out to the living room. “I didn’t say anything because Tony didn’t give me the chance. He just took off.”

Natasha is quiet, studying him for a long moment. He knows what she’s thinking, since it’s probably the same thing he thought: that Tony was too afraid to hear the answer to give Steve the chance to respond. Eventually, she asks, “So how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says honestly. “I can’t say I’ve ever thought about Tony like that before but—we act kinda coupley, don’t we?”

Before Natasha can respond, the previously bright sky outside goes dark. There’s a bright lightning bolt right outside the window, followed by the crash of thunder and then a loud rushing sound. It dissipates after a moment, the sky lightening again.

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff,” JARVIS says, “Thor has returned to the tower.”

~

The Steve and Tony story goes something like this: instead of going on his planned road trip, Steve returned to the tower the day after the Chitauri invasion to offer his apologies to Tony about what he said on the helicarrier. Somehow—and he’s not sure how, even to this day—he found himself getting wrapped up in the tower repairs with a room of his own on one of the lower floors. And by the time those were done, Tony had apparently also redone some of the apartments near the penthouse as a headquarters for the Avengers. Steve hadn’t been lacking for options after the battle (the Army, in particular, wanted him back) but he’d moved into the tower permanently instead.

He and Tony had clashed a few times in those early days but once Bruce came back from wrapping up his affairs in India and Natasha and Clint left SHIELD to join them, they settled into a bit of a truce.

And over the semi-regular movie nights and the training spars and the late-night conversations after they both couldn’t sleep, that truce became a friendship and before Steve quite realized it, Tony had become one of his best friends. Slowly, Steve found himself being pulled out of the shell he’d withdrawn into after waking in this new century. Tony dragged him to lunch at new and exciting places, places that Steve could never have even dreamed of when he was growing up. They planned missions and training days together. Steve had even gotten adept enough at handling the press with Tony to feel confident accepting interview requests with him.

He hadn’t realized though that Tony had taken it as something more serious though. And now that he does know, he’s not sure what to do about it.

~

He eventually goes to Bruce, since Pepper is busy dealing with a business merger and Colonel Rhodes is out of town in some undisclosed location (though Steve is certain that Tony knows where). Bruce’s lab isn’t quite the wonderland of light and holograms that Tony’s is, but it’s still impressive to someone who grew up with nothing. Tony makes sure that Bruce has all the latest equipment so the lab is a gleaming marvel of sleek instruments with silver and white colors everywhere. It doesn’t look like the most soothing environment but the speakers pipe out some sort of piano music that Steve vaguely recognizes and there’s a teapot on one counter, keeping whatever Bruce is drinking warm.

Bruce is currently examining something under a microscope. Steve can make out what looks like a purple smear on the slide from where he’s standing in the doorway, but that’s it. Bruce doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet, even though JARVIS announced him, so he waits patiently until Bruce has rolled away from the microscope.

“Bruce, you got a second?” he asks quietly.

“Hey, when did you get here?” Bruce asks, offering him a tired smile. He waves Steve over to the teapot and offers him a cup.

“Just a couple minutes ago. I didn’t mind waiting,” Steve assures him. “What’s the blend?”

“Lavender and chocolate.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind a cup.” Bruce hands him the steaming mug. Steve has to add the sugar himself (only Tony knows how he prefers his tea).

“What brings you to my lab? Tony’s downstairs today,” Bruce says, fixing a cup of his own.

“I’m not looking for Tony. Not yet anyway,” Steve corrects. “I did want to talk about him though.” He hesitates and then decides to take the plunge. “Has Tony ever said anything to you about—ah—”

“About his feelings?” Bruce asks knowledgeably. “It’s come up a few times.”

Steve takes that to mean that it’s come up fairly frequently. Tony does like to overshare sometimes and trying to figure out what he’ll overshare about and what he’ll clam up about is about as accurate as trying to make one of Clint’s trick shots. “He told me today,” he begins carefully. “But he didn’t let me say anything.”

“Well, he wouldn’t,” Bruce says, like that’s perfectly reasonable and not absolutely surprising to Steve. He must see the confusion in Steve’s face because he adds, “He only just figured it out a few days ago himself, even though he’s been talking about you for months. I don’t think he was expecting you to feel the same way as him right after he realized it.”

“But why would he say it then?”

Bruce takes off his glasses, holding them in front of him as he thinks. “Tony—he’s got a weird relationship with love. He told me once that he thought he’d lost the chance to tell Pepper he loved her, first in Afghanistan and then with the palladium poisoning.”

“His parents,” Steve realizes. “He didn’t get to tell them either.”

“Exactly,” Bruce says, pointing at him with the glasses. “He doesn’t like to wait. So even though he knows you don’t feel the same way, he felt it was important to tell you.”

“What, in case I die tomorrow?”

“Or if he does.” Bruce must catch the stricken expression on Steve’s face as he smiles gently. “It’s not just about getting the feeling off his chest for Tony. It’s about making sure that you know you’re loved too.”

“Oh,” Steve says softly.

~

Normally, he would go down to the workshop to think about something that’s puzzling him but he doesn’t want to bother Tony right now. Instead, he goes to his second-favorite room in the entire tower: the library. The library was designed specifically by Tony for Steve after he mentioned how much he liked the tablet Tony had given him but how he missed paper books too. He hadn’t been angling for a library out of the conversation but Tony, generous to a fault, had immediately gotten to work on one.

It’s a beautiful room, completely incongruous with the sleek modern style of the rest of the tower, but perfect despite that. It takes up an entire two floors of the tower with balconies, a spiral staircase, and several sliding ladders for Clint to reenact a scene from some movie that Steve hasn’t gotten around to watching yet. Tony had done the room in dark wood with enough windows to make it feel light and airy instead of cramped. There are little nooks hidden among the shelves and a few window seats for anyone who wants to gaze out over the New York skyline while they read.

It’s perfect, made all the more so because Tony designed it for him.

“Steve, you should have realized how Tony felt sooner,” he mutters to himself as he settles on one of the cushy armchairs with his sketchbook. But how could he have? According to Bruce, Tony hadn’t even known how he felt until a few days ago.

He sketches as he thinks, no subject in mind until he looks down to find that he’s roughly sketched out Tony at his workbench, arguing with DUM-E over something silly. Steve smiles fondly down at the drawing, rubbing his thumb over the curve of Tony’s cheek. He remembers this argument. It had been a couple weeks ago. Tony had asked DUM-E to bring him a wrench and instead, DUM-E had brought him two screwdrivers, three hammers, and a level before finally bringing the wrench. It had made Steve laugh, which had just encouraged DUM-E. Tony had acted frustrated but he knows Tony well enough to know that Tony had been secretly proud about DUM-E’s personality, both for DUM-E and for himself. After all, as Tony said, any monkey could design an AI. It took skill to design one with character.

In his sketch, he’s drawn something of that conflict in Tony’s face—the frustration in the downward turn of his mouth but the pride in the twinkle in his eyes—and it only makes him more beautiful.

“Beautiful,” Steve repeats, awed at the thought. Tony is beautiful, when he’s tinkering, when he’s flying, even when he’s going toe-to-toe with Steve over something stupid (usually Tony’s self-sacrificial tendencies).

He flips through the book, taking in each drawing: Natasha, Tony, Clint, Thor, Tony, Bruce, Tony, Tony, Tony. “Yeah,” he murmurs, looking back down at the drawing he just finished again. He thinks he’s got it figured out.

He stands, tucking his sketchbook under his arm. “JARVIS, do you think Tony would mind talking to me now? I’ve got something important to tell him.”

JARVIS is quiet for a moment, then says, “Sir would be happy to see you.”

He makes his way downstairs, thinking about what he’s going to say, but as soon as he sees Tony—wonderful, beautiful, perfect Tony—playing with one of those incredible holograms he designed, the words fly from his mind and he blurts out, “I’m not in love with you.”

And then he winces. Yeah, okay, so he’s a bit of a disaster.

Tony looks hurt for a moment, but it’s quickly covered up with dramatic offense. Before Tony can make one of his infamous quips that’ll just make light of the situation, Steve crosses the workshop and pulls Tony’s hands into his, rubbing them gently with his thumbs.

“I’m not in love with you,” he repeats. “But I think I could be soon. I’m not where you’re at yet—my brain isn’t nearly as quick as yours, Tony, of course you’re a step ahead of me here too. But Tony, you’re on almost every single page of my sketchbook. We go on what we might as well call dates together. We talk for hours. I know you almost as well as I know myself. I’m not in love with you yet but I think I’m only a couple dates away from it, so you should take me out, and we’ll see how fast I can catch up.”

Tony is smiling by the end of his little speech. “How are you always so good at that?” he asks.

“I was born like this,” Steve says seriously, only to crack a grin when Tony laughs.

“No you weren’t,” Tony argues. “You were born small and spiteful.”

“And full of good speeches. But no one wanted to listen to a little guy like me so I had to bottle them up to use on you.” He pauses and looks down at Tony. “Um, not to pressure you, but does a date sound good?”

Tony thinks about it for a moment. “Depends. Where are you going to take me?”

“Oh, am I taking you? You’re the billionaire, shouldn’t you be treating me?”

Tony’s eyes darken as he purrs, “Only if you’re very nice.”

Steve shivers. He hadn’t really thought about how it would feel to have the full Tony Stark Seduction TechniqueTM turned on him, but he’s thinking about it now and it is absolutely delightful. “What if I’m not nice at all?” he whispers, hands tightening on Tony’s.

Tony’s smile turns downright filthy and he leans up to brush a kiss over Steve’s cheek. “Hmm, I’ll think of something,” he murmurs into Steve’s ear.

He’s not going to act like a caveman and take Tony to bed. He’s not. He’s going to—“Sal’s!” he blurts out, immediately regretting it when Tony takes a step away, brow wrinkling confusedly. It’s really cute. Steve wants to kiss it away.

“What?”

“Sal’s,” Steve says again. “Best burgers in Brooklyn. I want to take you there.”

Tony smiles again. “Sounds like a date.”

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

i was watching wenzhou fmvs and thinking about zzs, who seems to hold himself perfectly still everytime wkx comes too close as if he is afraid he would go up in flames if he dares to move. and that reminded me of the many “break-ups” they had and of how ive often seen viewers of the show express their disdain, frustration, and lack of appreciation about the “break-ups”. (im putting that in quotationmarks not to ridicule, but because i dont particularily agree with that choice of term for what is happening, but use it here for better understanding because i think, everybody knows what im talking about when i do, so i do). i do understand that, of course. clearly these two love eachother / are insanely attracted to each other, so 4 break-ups seem a tad too much like artificial drama, as if the producers only wanted to create tension and make the romantic plot a bit more interesting that way. so i get that. but i want to give my two cents regardless. i think that take is a bit unfair to the producers and a bit too one-sided. it views wenzhou only in the context of romance and oversimplifies the situation, instead of acknowledging their humanity and the individual stories they carry on their back.

so, because it is handy, a little list of my thoughts on this:

wkx and zzs are two highly traumatized people who are constantly hurting each other as a result of their own wounds. im talking a bit about that in this post.

neither of them, to our knowledge, has been in a romantic/sexual relationship before, which makes my next point all the more important since

neither of them is particularily close in general on an interpersonal basis in an actual social context with other people. there is no practice, and there is no desire and even a fear, to start. the few relationships (non-romantic, non-sexual) they do have are either overshadowed by an overwhelming amount of shared violence when they were formed, or created in an environment of survival and therefore unable to grow in a way it would be good for them

wkx in particular has a history with physical, psychological, and possibly even sexual, abuse

neither of them is open to a romantic relationship at the point they meet, and that doesnt change for a very long time in the story, no matter how much wkx pretends otherwise (i see u, wkx, i see u). and no, yearning, sneaked glances, curiosity, all of that doesnt equal an actual consent to partaking in a relationship, or the welcoming of one. flirting is not the same as being in a relationship and choosing a relationship.

i say it again, because i feel it gets too easily overlooked though it holds so severely a weight: these two are deeply, deeply, deeply traumatized, jaded people with sharp edges and broken shards for souls and a destroyed trust in both humanity as a whole and themselves as people. theyre trying to breath through that, tolerating another person’s breath who gets too close too fast too soon too intense on top of that is hard. like, fucking hard. believe me, its so freaking fucking ducking hard.

a natural connection does not equal a relationship, doesnt make it neccessarily easier to be in a relationship, or magically creates answers for all your natural questions if you are in a relationship and find its hard, actually, to let someone that close to you and not instantly combust or clam up

before wenzhou is able to come together as an actual team, romantic/sexual and otherwise, they need to be able to exist in the same space first. all their “break-ups” are just them, trying to redefine, reposition, and reset their relationship, themselves in their relationship, and their boundaries with and around each other. its not the way we think romance is supposed to be as media tells us, but its authentic, healthy, and probably neccessary.

i appreciate it all the more when they do succeed after i witnessed the messy, very unflattering for either of them, totally not easy to watch, imperfect struggle because i know, dear god, they worked hard for it

this is how i see it.

[inkdemonapologist]

The world needs more Coffeecake content so riddle me this:

How would Jack and Sammy actually get to relationship status in your opinion? Factoring in Susie and maybe Joey, would it be an open relationship?

In the pre-BatIM timeline, with the way I tend to interpret the characters, I feel like two possible answers are “they already are,” if you figure they’re already Together in TIOL (and then Joey is the one who drives a wedge between them with the “tension” he’s picked up on, believing in it so strongly that he creates it, turning “Jack was frustrated when you did this thing one time” into “well Jack seems to find you aggravating but I appreciate you, Sammy” and vice versa until they’re practically avoiding each other at work), or “they never do,” -- Sammy aggressively isolates himself to hide how out of control everything’s gotten, and Jack tries to be accommodating and respect his need for space, and as things get worse and worse at JDS that gulf gets wider and wider.

I don’t think an... ethical open relationship is likely. Sammy isn’t talking about his relationship with Joey for a thousand reasons; I don’t think he would be open about it with a prospective partner, either. (And tbh, Sammy not wanting to get the people he cares about tangled up with Joey might contribute to his keeping them all at arm’s length). 

I keep most of the coffeecake shipping for this timeline in Escape AU:

In Escape AU, Jack and Sammy’s history is closer to the “they never do” answer -- they have this deep unspoken understanding, they care so much for each other and are so comfortable in each other’s company, but their patterns are entrenched -- Sammy pushes his feelings and desires down where they can’t hurt him, Jack respects his space and doesn’t put him on the spot. They’ve been physically affectionate with each other before, but it’s always been a type of comfort, something to soothe and bring things back to normal when one or both of them are on the edge. I think… an acknowledged relationship would come when they realise that they can be affectionate when things are good, too; when it’s not desperation, but happiness. That’s outside their pattern -- wanting to hold his hand and then holding his hand because it’s nice, and you both like it. How do you do that without being afraid you don’t deserve it? How do you do that and know you’re not asking too much? How do you tell someone you want them without fearing that you’re using them? Sammy doesn’t want to hurt Jack, and Jack doesn’t want to spook Sammy, but once they can talk about it and tell each other that they want these nice moments to keep happening, that they both make each other happy, they’ll find a relationship where they’re both on the same page clicks remarkably well between them.

In Escape AU, I don’t think an open relationship is likely. Jack has been content at Sammy’s side for years and years already, after all. And for Sammy, there’d be a lot of associations to unpack with the way Joey treated him, but even setting that aside, I don’t think he’d be looking for it? Sammy keeps (mostly unconsciously) trying and trying to find someone he can safely attach himself to, someone who will protect and love him in return for his devotion. Sure, he might feel some romantic feelings for or attraction to the other men in the Escape house, but I don’t think he would wish for a more open relationship; he and Jack being together for the rest of their lives is the happiest ending he could’ve asked for.

[bigwriterenergy]

yandere BUCCELLATI, GIOVANNA, FUGO / reader

@cobaltink​​​ asked: “Hi. :) Wanted to say that I quite enjoy your work and appreciate the amount of effort and detail you put into everything. I wanted to request some yandere Bruno, Giorno, and Fugo. How would each person go about attempting to get more sexually intimate with their darling? You can decide whether or not the darling is aware of their yandere side or not...Whether or not you have a chance to do this, thanks anyway! :)”

ahhh thank you so much!! i appreciate the message and i’d love to write your request!! thanks again :)) each scenario is gonna be the reader not exactly knowing the full extent of their obsession. happy holidays!!

bruno buccellati

bruno will want to take the relationship to the next level in the very beginning of you two becoming an item.

i believe that regardless of whether or not this is yandereverse, he’s almost immediately attempting to get her undressed. 

he’s a very romantic man so it’s only natural he’ll want to show his love physically.

but in yandereverse, if his beloved shows any hesitance or just flat out denies him, expect immediate gaslighting.

“why do you continue to tease me? this is what people do in a relationship. what? are you not attracted to me?”

one of the first red signs his darling should notice. every night, he’ll attempt to make a move. it’s almost terrifying just how persistent he is.

eventually, she’ll succumb. it’s far too annoying to continue denying him so it’d be a lot easier just to let him do whatever he pleased.

unfortunately, their first time together just makes the situation worse.

multiple times in the day, he’ll pounce on her. he’s a very perverse and sexual lover.

giorno giovanna

giorno is the most obsessive out of the three. he keeps tabs on his little flower and knows almost everyone she’s in communication with.

he’s also the most likely out of the three to abduct her without much provocation, but for the purpose of this list, i’ll just say he hasn’t reached that point yet.

at this point, she would probably know his position in the mafia so she would listen to all his advice. ‘don’t talk to those people anymore.’ or ‘i want you to go home straight after work. you cannot go out tonight.’

but surprisingly, he’s not very controlling of this aspect of the “relationship.”

it’d also take quite a bit of time for giorno to act on his more carnal desires. i hc that he’s just not a very physical person(at least when it comes to sex) and with something as mental as a yandere obsession, i’m sure he can acknowledge her beauty but he doesn’t act on it.

honestly, darling would have to be the first one to somewhat show interest. maybe a kiss that lasts too long? or her hands become explorative? all of the sudden, he’s too aroused to ignore her.

probably the most normal interaction out of the three? idk how else to describe it lmao. giorno is just a gentleman and will wait until she’s ready.

pannacotta fugo

honestly, never really thought of this for fugo haha.

i think that fugo could go to either extreme and that accompanies his almost unpredictable nature around his beloved.

i could see him not at all interested in sex -- maybe thinking he was already too obsessed. she didn’t deserve to have his body along with his mind. in this situation, she would have to initiate and encourage him.

then i could also see him being obsessed with the idea. he wanted all of her, including her body. fugo deserved her. he wouldn’t be as quick as bruno, but once the two were somewhat comfortable, he would suddenly start attempting to come onto her.

it would just depend on one, the reader, and two, the state of the relationship.

regardless of the start of the more physical part of the relationship, fugo’s unpredictability will be apparent.

if she’s interested in him for the night, fugo has to be one-hundred percent aroused or in the mood. if he’s not, immediate insulting and ridicule.

[skarsgard-daydreams]

I really like the snippets of the SVMs that you post, but I can’t help but think about how by the end of the series Charlaine Harris just decided to destroy the character of Eric. I read those last few novels and just fumed with anger. Were you happy with how they turned out?

You are absolutely correct, anon. Was I happy with how they turned out? Absolutely not. I have a lot of bones to pick with Charlaine Harris about what she did to Eric Northman, but more importantly, I have a lot of bones to pick with Sookie.

Initially, I thought that the problem in the latter books was that Harris got lazy with everyone's characterization when she was contracted to write three more novels and started writing these characters in ways that were inconsistent. Certainly, there are a few instances where Eric is portrayed in a manner inconsistent with earlier books. (He loses a lot of his humor and charm and suddenly has a very different perspective on the possibility of turning Sookie, which I attribute to bad writing.) But as I went back in the series to compile these quotes, I noticed that the problems I had with Sookie's character in the latter books manifested much earlier. I have been trying so desperately to wrap my head around her behavior, and I have come to the following conclusions about Book Sookie, which are not necessarily applicable to TV Sookie...

(major spoilers and an unedited 4,000 word essay ahead)

Sookie's mind-reading abilities have stunted her ability to read and empathize with others without the use of her powers.

The magical bond that is formed when she and Eric exchange blood circumvents this while it is active, enabling Sookie to feel Eric’s emotions rolling off him at the time. She knows he is terrified when his maker arrives in book 10, and she is even able to identify precisely why he is frightened: he doesn’t want to be under someone else’s control. But after she severs their bond in book 11, her ability to read him fails her. She has spent her entire life reading people’s minds, which has served as a crutch. Rather than developing the intuitive ability to read a person’s body language and read between the lines of what they are saying that most of us learn, Sookie relies on her abilities, which don’t work on vampires. As a result, their motives are often mysteries to her. She notes how stony-faced they are, how carefully controlled they are in expression, but she misses a lot of cues that convey their repressed feelings. This is particularly bad for Eric, who, like many men, shields himself with anger when he is feeling hurt. His anger is not excessive or violent—in fact it is often very well controlled—but it masks the tender feelings that hide under the surface. It is telling that Sookie never acknowledges the incredible pain and betrayal that Eric must feel when she severs their blood bond, or when she ultimately refuses to save him from being taken away from her. The only time she feels sympathy toward him in that respect is in one line at the very end of the series where she considers how lonely he will be—and then she purposefully smothers that thought, refusing to dwell on it further.

Sookie's trauma from her formative relationship with Bill renders her suspicious of the motives of others and unable to trust her future partners.

Bill is the first man she ever dated, fell in love with, or had sex with, and it is revealed to her through Eric’s intervention that their entire relationship was premised on a lie. This plot point is the same in the book as it is in the TV show. Once Sookie and Eric are together, there are numerous instances where she suspects his motives. She maintains the firm belief that Eric never does anything unless it would be beneficial to himself, which is probably true up to a point, but even after he has shown that he is deeply in love with her and that he has borne the personal cost of this love, she still doubts him. In fact, Sookie believes that the love they seemingly share is only the result of the magical blood bond between them, which renders it false. Eric repeatedly states that he does not care why he loves her, only that he does, but this is a problem that Sookie cannot get past. It results in her severing their bond without warning. Once the bond is severed, she insists that she does still love him “all on her own” but her love quickly begins to erode without the understanding that the bond created as they are besieged by numerous calamities. When the final obstacle to their love presents itself—a contract negotiated by Eric’s maker that would force him to marry the vampire Queen of Oklahoma against his will—Sookie is so blinded by her inability to trust him that she doubts every word he says about wanting to stay with her. He never expresses a desire to leave her for the queen, but remains stalwart in his insistence that he cannot escape the contract despite seeking every possible loophole. Yet Sookie believes he is attracted to the queen and the power that she possesses and attributes his insistence that he is trapped in the contract to a clever lie designed to dupe her. In the final days of their relationship, Eric reveals that he knows Sookie could save him with a magical object that grants her one wish, and repeatedly insists that she could stop him from being taken from her if she wanted to. He does not ask her to do it, nor does he mention the object explicitly, or ask where it is. His statements read like a man who is wounded by his lover’s unwillingness to save him, but one who perhaps has too much dignity to resort to begging her to intervene. Presumably he believes that he should not have to beg the woman who says she loves him to save him from “cushy slavery,” as Sookie calls it. Once Sookie realizes that Eric knows about her magical deus ex machina, she starts to wonder if he really just wants to take it from her, or use it for himself. She even entertains the possibility that maybe he orchestrated the entire dilemma in order to get his hands on it. When the thought enters her head, she admits that she never would have considered such a thing if it weren’t for Bill’s betrayal of her.

Sookie's affection for Eric is conditional upon his usefulness to her (including as a sexual object), and she never develops an appreciation or understanding for who he is as a person.

Perhaps this is the fatal flaw in their relationship from the very beginning. Sookie does not express an interest in Eric other than the fact that he is physically attractive until his numerous favors to her and the many instances where he has saved her life or protected her begin to add up. The blood bond between them is formed when he prevents a vampire who has authority over him from forcing blood on an unwilling Sookie, instead offering his own blood as a substitute. Their marriage was orchestrated by Eric when another vampire wanted to take Sookie away from her own against her will, and it allows Eric to serve as a barrier to any other vampire who would try to harm her. Once their romantic relationship is formed in earnest, it quickly becomes evident that it is lopsided. Eric praises Sookie for her beauty, but also for how brave she is and how hard she works and countless other virtues that are not physical in nature. In return, Sookie feels obligated to pay him a compliment, and all she can manage is that he has a nice body and is good in bed. She often deflects from serious conversations with him to have sex instead. Sookie clearly doesn’t believe Eric is a good person, expressing her own doubts about his moral code when he doesn’t display enough outward moral repugnance for her liking. When Eric tells her how his boss tortured and killed a human woman to punish a vampire, she asks him how the story made him feel. His answer—that it made him fearful it could happen to Sookie—is not good enough for her because he does not also express remorse for the woman in question. (It should be noted that he doesn’t revel in her pain either; he is merely concerned with applying the moral of the story to his own circumstances and the woman that he loves.) Sookie does not seem to acknowledge the good that other people attribute to Eric, such as when his new bartender tells her she requested to come work for him. Sookie cannot imagine why anyone would want to work for Eric, but the vampire explains that he is a good master to serve because he treats his people well, specifically pointing out that he doesn’t ask for sexual favors from his female subordinates like other sheriffs do. Sookie is not interested in his life, his business, or his world. When he attempts to explain the elaborate hierarchy of vampire politics to her in an effort to include her more in his affairs, she outwardly expresses so much disinterest that Eric takes offense. Their relationship treads water for a while, until Sookie is kidnapped and tortured by fairies and Eric is prevented from rescuing her. While she is being tortured, Sookie is certain that Eric will show up at any moment, but she doesn’t know that he has been forbidden from intervening by his boss. The other vampires bind Eric in silver chains to keep him from going to save her. He later tells her how anguished he was that he could feel her pain and do nothing to protect her, shedding tears as he talks about it, but she doesn’t want to hear it. That moment marks a turning point in their relationship. Sookie repeatedly affirms that she believes Eric is so big and strong and capable of handling anything, and any time he is not able to deliver on her expectations, she loses even more love for him.

Sookie's prejudice against vampires leads to her treating them as though they are not people.

Although Sookie does not express her prejudice explicitly as some characters do, she still exhibits a bias against vampires throughout the books and expresses a clear preference for humans or shapeshifters. She is disgusted, for example, by Eric’s suggestion that she should come work at Fangtasia, saying that she would hate to watch the fangbangers seek the attention of the undead among them. She believes that they do not feel emotions or possess empathy in any comparable measure to humans. (The thought that not all humans share the same depth of emotion or empathy does not seem to occur to her.) She also discounts their physical pain or suffering because they possess the ability to heal themselves. This happens numerous times when Eric is wounded, often while trying to protect her. In one case, Eric shoves himself in front of a car window and takes a bullet intended for her point blank. While he is injured, he fights off the werewolf who was trying to kill Sookie. Then he gets back in the car and drives her home with the bullet still lodged inside his chest. When they arrive back at her house, he asks her for blood, saying explicitly that he is in pain as his body pushes the bullet out of his chest. She tells him he’ll be fine and if he really needs it, he should stop at Merlotte’s and get some True Blood on his way home. Another time, Sookie comes upon Eric after he has been badly beaten and bound with silver. His arm is broken and his hands, she notes, look gruesome, because the silver was wrapped around them. As soon as she frees him, he springs into action and decapitates the vampire who had attacked him before said vampire can go for Sookie, who gets faint at the sight. (She is not injured.) Eric picks her up even though his arm is broken, and she takes the opportunity to internally romanticize the moment, imagining that she is Scarlet O’Hara. But a short while later, she asks Sam to drive her home without thinking about offering Eric a bottle of True Blood even though they’re right in front of the bar. The most egregious example of this phenomenon occurs when Eric’s vampire brother has massacred all of the staff at his home. Sookie arrives to find several vampires and humans slaughtered on the premises while Eric is desolate and in excruciating pain with his ribs ripped through his chest. He tells her that he needs her to push his ribs back into place and that Pam was there as well, and Sookie proceeds to chastise him for not springing into action to go after his brother. When tears form in his eyes, she grows impatient and questions why he hasn’t called someone to come clean up yet. It isn’t until midway through the conversation that she tells Jason to push Eric’s ribs in so he can heal, and it is only on accident that Jason happens to find Pam, who is thankfully not dead.

Sookie's system of morals is so rigid that, when she participates in violence, she suppresses her own personal responsibility and projects blame on the people around her in order to continue believing that she is a good person.

After the massacre referenced in the paragraph above, Eric and Sookie must fight his crazed brother and several fairies at her house, slaying his maker in the process. When they are victorious, Sookie is immediately revolted by the bloodshed. Eric, meanwhile, is flooded with relief that he is free of his maker, who subjected him to hundreds of years of rape and slavery when he was first turned into a vampire. Sookie knows this, and in fact can feel the emotions radiating from him, but she seems to despise Eric for feeling anything but repugnance in that moment. This appears to be her coping strategy any time she participates in violence—she negates her own culpability and creates moral distance between herself and Eric by judging his reaction to be grotesque. The same thing happens when they are able to kill the brutally cruel vampire regent who was actively trying to ruin Eric and was responsible for attempts on Sookie’s life and who refused permission for Pam to turn her human lover into a vampire before she died. Eric and Pam are joyous that they have won and that the regent cannot torment them any longer. Sookie, who helped plan the attack and in fact dealt part of the killing blow to the regent, is abruptly disgusted when Eric embraces her and kisses her. It does not occur to her that he might be relieved that she was unharmed in the battle and that the constant threat to them all has been eliminated. Instead, she assumes that he’s trying to have sex with her and tells him she’s not interested in a manner that clearly conveys her revulsion. Eric does not handle the conflict gracefully, and bites her harshly to drink from her after he tells her she’s being a hypocrite, which only gives her more reason to push her guilt away and project it onto him.

Sookie’s youth and inexperience serves as a barrier to navigating the turbulent waters of a real relationship.

Sookie had never been in a relationship before Bill, and she only has one other relationship between breaking up with Bill and getting together with Eric. While she enjoys the ‘honeymoon’ phase of her relationships, she flounders when it comes time to address communication issues or outside pressures. Neither Sookie nor Eric find it easy to establish an open channel of communication, but Sookie actively seeks to end serious conversations early or avoid them altogether, while being stunned that Eric initiates conversations about their relationship, something that she thinks all men avoid. At one point, she tells Eric that they need to talk and then starts discussing what she refers to as their “irreconcilable differences.” The conversation seems to be veering into breakup territory, and they’re deeply involved in it when someone knocks on her door. She immediately invites her unexpected guests in and is relieved by the excuse to terminate the conversation abruptly even though Eric is still trying to figure out what’s going on. At other times, she observes that she loves Eric, but she’s not feeling the same lust or excitement when she thinks about him anymore. Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship knows that passions often wax and wane, and that it also takes work to sustain and strengthen a relationship over time. Sookie is unwilling to put in the work or even have an honest discussion about the things they need to work on. She talks about romance novels a lot, and it seems to me that she has an idealized concept of love where she believes that they should be effortless and that passions should always be as hot as they were at the beginning. There are also times when she behaves in an extremely childish manner in the midst of conflict. After she severs the magical bond between her and Eric, he comes to her house and her main concern is whether or not he’s mad, while he asks her if she still loves him. She stubbornly insists he has to answer her question first even though she’s the one who broke the bond. On another occasion, Eric’s king comes into town and he is required to be at the monarch’s beck and call. Sookie gets mad at him and tells him she doesn’t want to see him one day, then is even more irritated that he isn’t calling her the next. Soon after, Eric is dealing with an endless litany of personal disasters that he can’t control, and he is short with her. Sookie listens to him confide in her about his problems and then responds with sharp-edged, sarcastic contempt, telling him that she has information that might have helped him with his problems and she might have told him if he wasn’t neglecting her.

Sookie’s limited understand of cultures that are unlike her own leads to misguided assumptions and fatal misunderstandings.

As the books progress, Sookie’s knowledge about vampire culture and governance grows incrementally, but she never approaches their customs with the same open-mindedness that she uses when it comes to werewolves or shapeshifters and their customs. This proves to be a major problem in her relationship with Eric, where there are two unfamiliar cultures at play—the modern culture of vampires, and the ancient culture of Eric’s human life. Sookie often refers to Eric as her “big Viking,” but she never gleans any insight about the culture in which he was raised. She seems to believe that he does not have much respect for women and projects American pre-Women's liberation attitudes on him even though he does not express those beliefs. When he offers to have her come live with him, she assumes that he wants her to be a housewife who cooks and cleans for him. She takes offense, and Eric is confused by her response. As Sookie’s situation becomes more perilous and she is injured multiple times in attacks at Merlotte’s, Eric asks her repeatedly to come live with him and/or work at Fangtasia so that he can protect her. She rebuffs these proposals, believing that they are rooted in misogyny. Sookie is also disinterested in understanding vampire culture, tuning Eric out when he explains things to her and refusing to accept that their rules and customs are different from her own when they inconvenience her. In particular, she never seems to understand the feudal system of governance under which the vampires live. When Eric is obliged to obey his maker or wait on his king or queen, Sookie is consistently irritated that he is not paying enough attention to her. She either does not understand or will not accept that vampires are not free to do whatever they want. This becomes a huge problem in the latter three books after a king from another state annexes Louisiana and kills every sheriff except Eric, putting him in a precarious position. Backed into a corner, he must maneuver very carefully to protect himself and everyone who is loyal to him. At the same time, he learns that his maker entered into a contract to marry him to the vampire Queen of Oklahoma against his will. Sookie refuses to believe Eric when he tells her that there is no way out of the contract, repeatedly insisting that if he loved her enough, he would just refuse to honor it. She holds him to the standards of her own culture, remaining willfully ignorant of the horrible consequences that could befall them both if Eric were to disobey. When she learns she can intervene and save Eric from his fate, she refuses, adamant in her belief that he will find his own escape clause if he truly wants to. The end result of her refusal is that Eric is forced into 200 years of “cushy slavery,” as Sookie calls it, a fate that does not inspire any guilt or pity in her, presumably because she still sees herself as a jilted lover.

At the end of the day, Eric deserved a lot better than Sookie.

He also deserved a lot better from the author, and a lot of people were justifiably outraged with the ending that Charlaine Harris gave to him. Harris, by way of Sookie, repeatedly reminds the reader that the Queen of Oklahoma is a very attractive woman, and it seems that this is intended to excuse the fact that Eric would be contractually obligated to have sex with her whether he wanted to or not. Eric expresses no desire for the queen, constantly asserting his commitment to and love for Sookie. When he admits that he would be required to consummate the relationship with the queen, he seems discomforted and ashamed at the idea. (Harris specifically uses the word “abashed.”) It is revealed to Sookie that the queen conspired to put Eric in this predicament specifically because she knew he valued his independence too much to ever agree to it willingly. Sookie knows that Eric was forced to service his maker sexually against his will, and that what he hates above all else is to be subjugated. She also knows that he will not be a monarch if he marries the queen; he will be her consort, a position that carries with it no inherent power or authority unless the queen gives it to him, and he will not be able to ever succeed her. Even despite all of this, Sookie is completely unsympathetic toward Eric. The author never acknowledges that this ending for Eric essentially means that he will be raped. What astounds me is that I don’t think she would have made his choice for a female character, or if she did, she would not have framed it in the same way. Sookie’s casual dismissal of Eric being sold into “cushy slavery” implies that male rape is no big deal, which is incredibly harmful. It is astounding that she would subject the primary love interest of the entire series to such a fate, and it’s the final nail in the coffin for Sookie Stackhouse for me, at least in her book incarnation. If any of her other love interests had been put in similar circumstances, I can’t imagine what she would not do to try to save them. But because it was Eric—her big, strong Viking who she believes is incapable of feeling emotions or pain and must be invincible in order to be valued by her—Sookie thinks nothing of it. Nothing at all.

@grimeundglow @stevesharrlngtons @scxrsgxrd @grandpa-sweaters

[silkylious]

Tsunami (Bakugo Katsuki x Fem!Reader)

Bakugo x fem reader

warnings: swearing, angst, fluff

A/N: Ahhhh this is my first post on tumblr, i hope you like some bittersweet  goodness w angry boi. constructive criticism is much appreciated!

Love.

Such a complex, convoluted emotion that many people find themselves falling helplessly victim to. Of course, there are the cheesy scenes in romantic movies that exaggerate and almost drain all meaning from the prickly feeling; sharing a sweet kiss while basking in the cool caresses of dewdrops, or having a dim-lit home dinner -scenes which drove his gag reflex reeling, he simply couldn’t understand the appeal of mushing faces with someone when he had better things to do, to achieve. He was going to be the number one, dammit, he didn’t have time to waste on cuddling and doing “couple-y shit” with some extra. That’s not to say he’d never had a crush, or found some girls attractive, hot even, but he kept in mind all his “crushes” (he loathes that word with a burning passion) were merely fueled by his hormonal mind, driven by pure sexual attraction. Nothing more, nothing less. So, he never sought out relationships.

And that was enough for him to keep his peace, unhindered and undisturbed on his desolate little boat, one that he was rowing tirelessly towards his end goal, with no waves and no turbulences daring to stand in his way of firmly grasping that number one spot.  

Until a tsunami came crashing in, pummeling him off his safe cruise.

That tsunami was you.

He really should have seen the signs -no that’s not right, he definitely noticed the red flags raising in his peripherals, he should have acknowledged them. It started out as small, barely existent ripples, something to break the monotony of his journey and rock his boat gently. You’d always greet him with that stupidly bright smile, the one that made him feel uncomfortable, skittish (though he hadn’t realized why yet), the one that surely made the sun writhe in boiling jealousy. No matter what time of the day it was, how early in the morning or how deep into the night, you always seemed to make it a point to address him with that unhinged, cheeky grin. He’d reply with a curt nod, or a faint grunt if you caught him on a good day, wanting desperately to ignore the brewing sensation inside him.

“Hey, Bakugo! Did ya sleep well?”

He never replied to the tedious question, refusing to give into the one-sided small talk. That didn’t stop you from resuming your daily routine of pestering him about his training progress or babbling about some movie he couldn’t care less about. He didn’t pay an inkling of attention to the stream of word vomit pouring out of your mouth, no, he much rather zoned in on the way your lips move languidly, still upholding that infuriating smile, the way stray follicles fell over your neck, having escaped from the usual updo you were sporting. His concentration faded in and out of the single-sided conversation, managing to scrap together bits and pieces of whatever you were droning on about. Though he never made any effort in reciprocating your enthusiasm, he never shut you down either (like he would most people), and that was incentive enough for you to keep coming back. To keep talking his ear off with a cluelessly precious smile.

Looking back, he probably should have stopped it there, but he didn’t, he couldn’t help but revel unconsciously in your optimism, though he’d be buried six feet underground before he admitted that. It looked all too peaceful, he didn’t mind the soft stir in his boat, and he was more than content to leave it at that. But then you had to go and push your luck.

You were infinitely aware that he treated you… differently, to say the least, your classmates were also painfully conscious of his strangely tamed and, dare I say, docile way he acted around you, everyone with eyes could see it, except him apparently. Even if he was agonizingly oblivious to his own feelings, yours too, your heart couldn’t help but accelerate whenever he displayed a rare act of kindness towards you. One time in particular, he scolded you for overworking yourself while tending to your wounds, his words lacking the usual bite, none the wiser to the chest palpitations he was effortlessly causing. You couldn’t take it, you had to test your luck. You desired to be closer to him, for him to view as more than a nuisance, you wanted to be more than just acquaintances. With caution thrown to the wind, you embarked on a mission to befriend the Bakugo Katsuki.

That’s when the small ripples that would gingerly sway him turned more rigorous; they evolved into waves, ones he needed to smoothly ride if he didn’t want to fall victim to their ferocity.

He became much more aware of your stature in his lifestyle, how could he not? You’d made it a goal to sit with him during lunch, to share with him your bento box, to talk to him at any given moment. And it was then that he discovered a new part of you, one that was hidden behind your tactful persona. It became a common spectacle during lunch, you two hurling remarks at each other, yours more calculated and sarcastic while his were loud and fiery (in true Bakugo fashion), though the competitive grin stretching his lips, wrinkling the corners of his ruby hues gave away his enjoyment. Bakugo could never get over your quick wit, the speed at which you replied to him with your own quips almost gave him whiplash every time, if he didn’t know better he’d think you were regurgitating pre-written comebacks. It took a bit of coaxing at first, but eventually he gave into your petty bickering (all you had to do was mention Deku this and half-n-half bastard that), and then before he knew it, it was part of his routine, but can you blame him? He was presented with a challenge, of course he’d step up to the plate!

Your waves threatened his quaint, little sail, he had to learn to surf them if he didn’t want to topple over. And so, he did, after all, Bakugo Katsuki never backed down from a challenge.

Your comradery only strengthened from there. You trained together, him pushing your limits with his abysmal power and sheer instinct, you pushing his with precise movements and surprising agility. You strangely complemented each other, both in fighting styles and general attitude. He (aggressively) helped you with your academic shortcomings, and though his methods of teaching were very questionable, they proved to be fruitful as your grades had spiked significantly from his (torturous) aid. You’d grown impossibly closer, spending every waking moment together or thinking about each other. Katsuki didn’t know when it became a habit to anticipate your “goodnight” text, or when just the sight of your face made his anger practically dissipate into thin air.

“So, do you wanna come over to study, I’m kinda struggling with algebra,” You sighed sheepishly, scratching at the back of your head.

“No.” came the blunt response.

“Aw, c’mon, don’t be such a meanie!” You jutted your bottom lip out much like how a kid throwing a tantrum would, his eyes couldn’t help but flicker down to the childish pout, when suddenly it turned into a poorly constrained grin. You had an idea. “Well, whatever, I was gonna order takeout from a new place down the road, I heard they have pretty spicy ramen there, but I guess I’ll order for one,”

You watched with mild amusement and well-concealed affection as his fiery eyes seemed to light up at the mention of spicy food. “Fine, dumbass, but I’m only doing this ‘cuz your sorry ass would fail without me,”

“Mhmm, sure thing, Bakugo,” You practically sang, a teasing lilt to your voice.

Bakugo.

That didn’t sound right at this point. Words left him before his brain could even process what he said, what he was insinuating.

“Katsuki.” He mumbled firmly. Your eyes widened a fraction, giving away your surprise.

“W-What?”

“Call me Katsuki,” It came out more assuredly this time, his glare directed forward as you both walked to your destination, missing the soft smile adorning your lips and the affection oozing out of your gaze.

“Sure thing, Katsuki.” His own lips curled into a faint smile, a tiny tug at the corners of his lips.

A push-and-pull rhythm was created between you; your waves pulling him in, only for his skillful hands and sails to conquer them. It was an endless tug of war, neither of you seemed to mind it, it blanketed you both in a sheen of serenity.

The calm before the storm.

It was merely an innocent question, a teasing inquiry at most, directed at him by his electric blonde friend. “So, man, when are you gonna ask (last name) out? Y’know if you don’t ask her soon, someone else will,”

Katsuki could have sworn he switched quirks with the dunce faced idiot, because at that moment his mind fully short-circuited. Him? And (name)? What would even give him that idea? Sure, she was cute and all -wait, cute?? What the actual fuck? His lack of response and the pinkish tint that spread from his cheekbones to the bridge of his nose seemed to get a rise out of Kaminari, because within seconds his head was thrown back, his laughter catching the attention of their red-haired friend. “Yo, man, what’re you laughing at?”

With that, Bakugo seemed to snap out of his trance, sharp eyes snapping between his self-proclaimed friends. His mouth opened, ready to deliver a curt response, something along the lines of “Fucking nothing!” or “Mind your own business, Shitty Hair!” but the other blonde beat him to the punch, loudly bellowing out,

“Bakugo has a crush on (last name)!”

Bakugo wasn’t pleased to say the least, his hand darting out, flexing a lethal explosion that Kaminari barely dodged. Bakugo’s eyes were wide with unadulterated rage, though he really couldn’t tell at who, nor did he care, he was seeing red at that moment and that’s all he could focus on. Before he can aim another strike towards his cowering friend, Kirishima looped his arms around Bakugo’s shoulders, activating his quirk to prepare for the barrage of oncoming explosions that were sure to come his way. “Dude, stop! You’re being super unmanly right now!”

Realizing there’s no point struggling against his friends hold, Bakugo’s figure suddenly slackened, Kirishima very cautiously relinquishing his grip on his friend. Burning rage, confusion, uncertainty and self-deprecation began to settle in Bakugo’s mind all at once, a million questions stampeding his thoughts. He didn’t like that, he hated not being in control, he hated not knowing what was wrong, especially with himself. With a furious shout of “FUCK OFF!” to dispel some of the anger bristling within him, the ash blonde stomped out of the nearly empty classroom, leaving his two friends to share looks of bewilderment.

And that’s when a tidal wave, a tsunami of emotions quaked his lonely ship, flipping it and hurling him off the deck into the freezing cold, wave riddled ocean, leaving him to sink deeper and flail around in a futile attempt at staying afloat.

The coming days, one thing haunted Katsuki like the plague, despite trying his hardest to avoid overthinking, you just seemed to carve your way into his subconscious. Everything reminded him of you, and he absolutely despised it. When had he gotten so distracted? When had his schedule morphed to make room for your presence in his life? When had he began to await seeing you, hearing your obnoxiously sweet voice? When had he gotten so weak? He didn’t need anyone, no one but himself, that’s all he needed to reach the top. If that was true, then why were his days getting more and more bleak as he actively shunned you out, avoided looking you in the eyes and subsequently being blissfully unaware of the look of hurt in your eyes. He knew he wasn’t being fair to you, but he couldn’t help it, he had to put some distance between you.

And so, he kept struggling against the currents, which only made him sink deeper, and deeper. Even so, he kept wrestling with the tides, hoping he’d make it out alive and free.

His absence in your life made you fidgety, but you brushed it off as him having a less than pleasant day, he’d surely go back to normal, right? Wrong. Things continued as they are, you wanted to give him space and all, but it didn’t help that it seemed he was only circumventing you. You wanted to be patient for him, and you were. But even the most patient of people, the most peaceful of saints, had their tipping points.

“I don’t understand you, Katsuki, we were good not even a week ago and now you’re completely avoiding me!”

“So what if I was, huh?! Are you saying that I need you or some shit?! Are you looking down on me, thinking you’re all high and mighty, that you could be the one to befriend the “pitiful lonely guy”?! Are you saying I’m weak, is that it, huh?! I’m not fucking weak, (name), I don’t need you or anyone for that matter, stop tryna coddle me, I don’t need your shitty friendship!”

Ouch, that hurt. He knew he was spouting so much bullshit straight through his teeth, it didn’t even make sense but that was how his self-defense mechanism works. When in doubt, push people you love away in fear of vulnerability. He knew he was being a major asshole, but nothing would’ve prepared him for the look of unbridled hurt and betrayal in your eyes, tears silently carving valleys on your flushed cheeks. Your quivering lip suppressed a wretched sob, before opening to utter a few heartbroken words.

“I see. Sorry I was such a nuisance for you, Bakugo,”

Bakugo, double ouch. That one stung. Hard. He’d never heard your voice so broken, so raw and meek. He walked home alone that day, already regretting everything he said, already missing your bubbly self.

A drift shook both of you away from each other. Your concerned classmates could only watch in silenced misery as you both hurdled yourselves into hero work and training, doing anything it takes to stay distracted. Bakugo thought that at least there would be one upside to arise from this situation, he could focus more on his dreams, he had more time than ever, he can totally utilize this to his advantage. Or so he thought. You infiltrated every crevice in his mind, all he could think about, day in and day out, was you. He’s always prided himself in being self-disciplined and focused, but right now he was anything but. You weren’t fairing any better. Your optimism was missed in the classroom, you forced a smile to reassure your friends, but that was about all you could muster. It seemed there was no end to the spiral the pair of you were sucked into until something happened. Something big happened.

He was kidnapped. Bakugo was kidnapped.

It seemed like a wake-up call to both of you. You could have lost him; he could have lost you. Bakugo realized, strapped to that chair, with the grey-haired, handy man holding a picture of you from the sports festival while babbling some vague threats, that he wanted to protect you, protect what he loved. He loved you. And he had to be better for you. He also realized that he wanted to go back to you. Dammit, he still didn’t apologize for what he said! He needed to return.

He no longer fought against the tide, he didn’t want to, and he wasn’t going to. And with his fruitless squirming against the current coming to an end, he began to rise to the surface, the gradually heating waters holding him afloat.

His return was a giant relief, you wanted to jump into his arms the moment he was saved, but you knew better. He needed time to think, to sort out his thoughts. Though you didn’t expect that he would sort out his thoughts with his fists. With Midoriya. Actually, scratch that, it was a very Bakugo thing to do.

That night you couldn’t sleep, sitting on the U.A. dorms Alliance stairs with a steaming mug of tea between your clutches. Your eyes, which had been transfixed on the constellations lining the night sky, blinked downward when you heard two pairs of footfalls approaching. You instantly recognized the two boys, beaten and battered.

“(name)...?”

His abnormally scratchy voice greeted you, you didn’t have to strain your ears to conclude that he’d been crying. Your stares were riddled with unspoken words, unvoiced feelings, leaving a pregnant tension in the air. A haggard throat-clearing cut through the quiet.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” And with that, the one-for-all user excused himself into the dormitory.

Katsuki shifted his weight, clearly uncomfortable. He knew what he needed to say he just couldn’t find the will to swallow the lump in his throat and say it.

“Hey, umm-”

Before he can get another syllable out, a force collided with him, shaky arms circling his broad shoulders, mindful of the bruises that littered his porcelain skin. Eyes blown wide; he couldn’t fathom the words that were uttered into his chest.

“I love you, Katsuki. I love you.” A sniff followed the heartfelt words, he felt some tears brimming his own lids.

Carefully bringing his arms around you, wrapping them securely around your waist. Katsuki drifted and swayed on your waves, surfing them skillfully, fully abandoning his past ways, no longer would he scuffle with the ebb and flow of the waters that only hoped of propelling him forward towards his goal. His red gems drifted to the sky, mapping out the stars much like a lost sailor would in search of guidance, though he was anything but lost in that very moment.

His lids dropped, thoroughly fatigued from the day’s events, before his head followed suit, descending and placing feather-like kiss on your head, his strong arms keeping you nestled as close as possible against his chest, a quiet murmur with powerful words left his lips,

“I love you, too. I’m sorry.”

[darter-blue]

i saw your tag on the post about being ace and i hope it’s okay to ask you how/when you realized you were asexual?

Well hello gorgeous 💕

This is absolutely okay 😌

This might be a rambling mess, but let me try and put my feelings and memories about it into words...

Well... I probably started properly recognising that my thoughts and feelings fit with asexuality a few years ago, but the understanding really cemented itself in me about a year ago? Thanks to Tumblr and fandom, I finally felt comfortable putting a name to my sexuality.

I know that I've always been slightly different, but I'm different from other people in a lot of ways so it never occurred to me that my sexuality might not just be another aspect of me 'not fitting in'.

I grew up watching my friends dating and exploring and being excited/ obsessed with sex and relationships and I purposefully hid myself away from that, or the possibility of it, partly as a way to protect myself from being seen (I did not like to be seen), but also because it scared me.

I distinctly remember feeling flustered around maybe one or two boys for my entire high school life, and beyond (maybe 5 in my entire life. And one girl)

My first memory of myself and sex is when a guy that was popular spent an entire party just talking to me and being really lovely and then sitting next to me in the dark while we watched a movie. About 30 minutes in I felt his fingers start stroking on the underside of my bare thigh (I was wearing a very short dress) and I fucking panicked like you wouldn't believe.

I froze,,, for about 5 minutes, didn't even acknowledge it, and his hand was there for what felt like forever, and I eventually got up and left quietly. A friend at the time followed me out to ask if I was okay - I asked her if we could leave and she asked no questions, just grabbed her stuff and we left. We (none of us) ever talked about it again.

That was the last time anyone touched me like that for years - I was 16 at that time.

And my family called me everything from lesbian to ice queen because I didn't date, was very reserved (to be touched most specifically or be or think romantically, I never dressed or behaved conservatively)... I just thought I was chronically shy about sex. Except the only reason I ever felt like I should make an effort was because otherwise people would think I was weird...

God I remember going to a councilor at 20 and his advice at that time was to get a boyfriend.

I did not take it.

I've never been attracted to people in the same way that other people talk about attraction... sometimes I feel desire, but its pretty muted. My general feelings about someone I find 'attractive' are that they are beautiful, or interesting, or endearing. I love the aesthetics of attraction, but I don't feel a real desire to touch or be touched.

I forced myself to go through with sex the first time because I wanted to know what it would be like and wanted to lose this thing that made me so strange and different, still being a virgin at 26. Oh god, I hated it.

It was strange and awkward. It maybe felt a bit nice here and there, but mostly it was awful.

I've never really changed my opinion about that.

But I do have romantic feelings for people? Sort of? I love them. I love my brothers and I love my friends and I love my husband, but the way I feel about all of them is not necessarily that different? Which seems weird. My husband is the person I feel the most comfortable with in almost all things. He is the person I feel safe coming home to. The person I can hang out next to and just do whatever forever and not need to get away.

If that's not love I don't know what is.

I love my children in the fiercest most all encompassing way I've ever felt anything in my life and I would honestly do anything for them. And I'm very tactile and affectionate with them, but sometimes I need them not to touch me.

I don't really like to be touched by some specific people, but with some people, most of the time, it's fine. (sometimes I can't take it from anyone).

I cringe and get put off by sex in movies or fics when it's written or filmed in a certain way? If it feels insincere, or overly graphic, or has an emotional undertone of just physical desire. I used to think that's because I was a prude. But I love to write about sex (usually, not always) because I can control everything. That makes a huge difference.

Anyway. I guess the short answer to your question, is that I always knew I wasn't like my friends, but I didn't understand that it wasn't a flaw until I joined fandom.

And now I identify as asexual.

I'm still learning what that means, but it brings with it a kind of freedom I didn't know existed before. That I'm allowed to not like sex. That I'm allowed to not like to be touched. That I'm allowed to appreciate the way someone looks and not have to want them, but also be able to want them in a way that's just mine and different from other people.

It makes me feel a sense of peace and acceptance in myself that is new and exciting.

Thanks for asking me Manda. I love you x infinity.

[strangertheory]

New anon here! Today is anon day! XD Do you think Billy was queercoded or do you think the basketball scenes, the clothes, the overall aura and everything else was accidental and mostly fueled by the chemistry of the actors and/or suffering the side effect of "super manly men stuff attracts queer people"?

Billy is a hyper-sexualized character who is also incredibly violent, selfish, angry, and abusive towards others. If he were the only queer-coded character in Stranger Things I would be deeply upset.

But he's not.

I do think he is queer coded. Thankfully I think that the vast majority of characters in the series are also queercoded to varying degrees: definitely Mike and Will but also arguably Barb, Nancy, Steve, El, Max, Kali, Lucas, Dustin, etc.

Robin is our first unquestionably, overtly and textually acknowledged queer character in the series. I think that a good handful of other characters in the series are queercoded too, but whether or not all of them will have overtly queer storylines in future seasons remains to be seen.

Thankfully Billy is not our only queercoded character: if he was, that would be incredibly homophobic. As it is, he's still a very unpleasant character whose existence is still arguably offensive and frustrating to many fans. He is cartoonishly bad at times.

I think that Billy's storyline implicitly explores the damage that toxic masculinity and heteronormativity does to people. Many fans have pointed out that Billy is, in many ways, Will's evil mirror. In spite of his father Lonnie's abuse, Will has had a fiercely protective and supportive mom and brother. Will has friends that love him and stand up to bullies on his behalf. Billy probably never had that same love and support in his life that might have given him a better opportunity to learn to be kind and to love others and himself.

I do think those parallels are all intentional. (I'm not going to get into it in this post, but I think Billy is a persecutor alter and that Stranger Things is about a DID System. You can read @kaypeace21 's analysis and explanation of this larger theory here at this link.)

Billy is a very messy character. I have a lot of mixed feelings about Billy x Steve being the statistically most popular queer ship in the fandom. I completely understand the desire to create a story in which a character like Billy has a genuine redemption arc and becomes a better person and I respect that therein lies much of the romanticization of his character in the fandom. We want him to be a better person than he is. I respect that fanfiction allows creative fans to imagine a happier ending for Billy and to give him a boyfriend. I myself have a good number of "enemies-to-lovers" ships that I appreciate. I totally get it. But I do sometimes worry that the popularity of Harringrove reflects society's fetishization of male violence or the perpetuation of the wrongful idea that gay men are hyper-sexual, violent, broken, abusive, and selfish people. I am still wary of the way that more fans statistically romanticize Harringrove (a ship based in a violent and abusive rivalry) than Byler (a ship based in an affectionate, gentle, protective friendship.)

Ships and fanfiction allow us to explore ideas that are unique to our own lives and feelings and issues. We all relate to characters for different reasons. Feelings are valid. I'm not saying "don't ship Harringrove." But I am suggesting we should be aware of the prejudices and stereotypes against the lgbtqa+ community that exist and strive to create fanart and fanfiction that doesn't reinforce bigoted ideas.

I am frustrated that queercoding is spotted by the fandom from many miles away when it is sexual adult subtext between older teen characters but meanwhile subtext is not seen and is very often dismissed when it is romantic and affectionate non-sexual subtext between younger queer-coded characters such as Mike and Will.

I wish that the world would stop exclusively acknowleging queer experiences and narratives only when they are within a sexual and adult context. Society wrongfully stereotypes and hyper-sexualizes queer identities. This misconception of the lgbtqa+ community harms young people that are growing up and seeking to better understand who they are.

I'm incredibly grateful that Stranger Things offers us more queer representation than Billy Hargrove.

I'm also incredibly grateful that, if I'm correct in my interpretation of Mike and Will's dynamic, that we have such a beautiful friends-to-lovers coming-of-age queer teen romance in the midst of all of the horror and adventure of Stranger Things. Stories featuring young teen characters growing up and working through their internalized homophobia and the challenges of middle school and adolescence and realizing their queer identity aren't as common as I wish they were.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Archie Thoughts.

First I just want to put a diclaimer here before anyone reads further I am going to talk about some sensitve topics surrounding abuse so please be cautious if you think that might be triggering or upsetting for you. 

Ok so I’ve been rewatching season 1 and I’ve been thinking about that line from Archie in the pilot episode when he and Veronica are in the cupboard and he says ‘I have never felt whatever it is I’m suppose to feel with Betty.’ This line is really interesting to me for a number of reasons particularly the way its worded. The first is he never uses the word love, he doesn’t say I have never been in love with Betty. This is especially interesting because the other day RAS said that Betty and Archie have said they love each other implying that Archie did love Betty in a romantic way back in the pilot. So if he did feel love for Betty then why did he say this? Well watching the scene again I noticed a couple of things. For one he seemed very confused and unsure when he was saying it. He hesitates between the line ‘I have never felt’ and ‘whatever it is I’m suppose to feel with Betty.’ It’s almost as if in that minute he’s thinking about how he feels about Betty to double check that he hasn’t felt that feeling. Another thing that makes this line somewhat odd is that later in the season Archie admits that a part of him always believed he would be with Betty. This and the line he says to Veronica are two very contradicting terms particularly the words always and never. But I think there is an explanation for it and unfortunately it is a very sad one. Right after saying this Veronica asks him if he has ever felt it and he replies this summer. This is obviously meaning with Miss Grundy. We know that Archie believed that he was in love with Grundy and this is because she groomed and taught him that lust equals love which is a common tactic that abusers will use. Archie was a young teenage boy who was experiencing alot of these feelings of desire and lust for the first time and Grundy manipulated him into believing that these feelings were ones of love. So now Archie is very confused because he now believes having a strong sexual attraction to a person is the same as being in love with a person. However he has never felt that overwhelming sexual desire for Betty. With Betty his feelings are deeper than that and more innocent. But because he doesn’t feel that lust around her he thinks that must mean he doesn’t love her. I think this also ties into that line from Wicked Little Town Reprise ‘Forgive me for I did not know, for I was just a boy.’ At that time he was too young and too much under Miss Grundy’s influence to understand his own feelings. I think he only gets more confused when he is in that closet with Veronica as I do think he is feeling desire and lust for Veronica in that moment, again they are both hormonal teenagers locked in a very tight space together. As a result he starts to think this must mean he’s in love with Veronica because he is feeling very similar feelings as he does with Miss Grundy. Now I just want to make it clear, I am not saying that he never loved Veronica I do think he comes to I’m just saying I don’t think he was in love with her at this very moment, he was just getting confused between lust and love. I think as he gets older and his and Veronica’s relationship develops he begins to understand the difference. But I also think this confusion between the two feelings is what leads to him taking so long to start something with Veronica. He is trying to sort out what he is feeling. Is this lust or do I actually like this girl? I do feel like Veronica was a large part of him being able to discern the difference between the two emotions as with Veronica he feels both. He feels lust for her but he also feels that love for her too. I might not be a Varchie shipper but I can still appreciate that Veronica was important in helping Archie heal and understand his emotions more. 

Going back to season 1 though, I also think Archie is only further confused later when at the football match Betty touches his eye/cheek. You see him flinch back a bit and the moment is very charged. Now I don’t think he flinches because his eye hurt, it doesn’t really look like Betty put enough pressure on the bruise to make it hurt, she was being very careful not to hurt him. I think the reason why he flinched like that was out of surprise. I think for the first time he feels a spark, maybe not outright lust but something close to it, a sudden attraction which he had never felt for Betty before. But before he can really process it he is dragged away by the rest of the football team. Also by this point he has had that conversation with Jughead about how Miss Grundy cares only about herself and is messing with Archie’s mind. Although that conversation isn’t enough to completely break Grundy’s hold on Archie it is enough to make him question and doubt her a little to the point where he decides to go to the police about the gunshot. But the doubt only makes him more confused about his feelings. It’s no wonder really that Archie has always felt confused about what he wants and what he feels, Miss Grundy’s abuse really left a mark on him. I also think it is what makes Archie struggle with having relationships, why he jumps into them so quickly because he has been groomed that way and that is going to take time and therapy to work through, its like trying to break a habit. I also think its important to remember that Grundy was his first experience of relationships and sexual relationships. It always makes me sad when I see people making jokes about how many girlfriends Archie has had because I do think alot of it stems from this abuse and his inability to understand that just because he is feeling an attraction to a person does not mean you have a meaningful connection to them. We also have to remember that Grundy didn’t just teach Archie that sex is love but that if you have those feelings you should act on them. She encouraged him to engage in those activities with her by telling him that’s what he should be doing when he feels those things. I think over time he has been able to have more meaningful and stable relationships, like with Josie and Veronica. But the saddest part of it all is Archie may never fully accept that he was abused by Grundy, some part of him may always believe that her feelings for him were true and that he did love her although I think as he has gotten older and experienced actual love he is able to better identify and sort out his feelings. But sadly the scars from his abuse are always going to be a part of Archie.  

I really do wish that Riverdale had handled this storyline better. I do feel like it was brushed under the rug too much. I mean they do acknowledge that Grundy is a predator but there were other instances where they were far too casual about it and acted like Grundy was his girlfriend when she wasn’t she was his abuser and I think its important that we don’t forget that.     

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep22

I was pleasantly surprised that this was one of the best balanced eps concerning tohru as of yet!! They touched upon her being mom-figure in the first half but proceeded to humanize her afterward, depicting her as normal girl!, frustrated, vulnerable & somewhat silently struggling. I was right in my prediction that the moment yuki lets go of mom-tohru image, the show will too!! I’m happy!! finally, No more angels in the sky. But only real tohru with flaws, ugliness & humanity.

-Yuki’s acceptance of past feelings & change towards new ones:

The show is aware that they’ve been using the fake love-triangle initially but it actually has an explanation within the story. Yuki is attracted to tohru, so much, but it isn’t romantic at all. his attempts in “correcting” how he perceived her didn’t set right with him & he felt weirded out more! The show brilliantly depicted these “flirty scenes” with a hint of uneasiness. Yuki’s lines/ moves felt cringey & artificial “do you like my act, princess”,”I’ll kidnap you”, being encouraged by Aya to compliment tohru as a boy should. The signs are all there except not in your face, & the writer deserves praise!! Yuki, being perceptive, was able to reach such conclusion, not only by looking into himself, but by also at looking how kyo interacted with her, differently from him. Kyo sees tohru as a woman & is attracted to her romantically & altho kyo’s words & interactions with tohru lacks princely smoothness & have a hint of awkwardness, it was natural, genuine & spontaneous. Kyo didn’t put on an act or forced himself to flirt or deliberately chose words to impress tohru. Yuki was able to notice tohru only looked romantically towards kyo. Yuki used all his observations to reach another conclusion abt himself too!!! What he wants in a relationship is sth similar to kyo/tohru!! Mutual & equal relationship. He won’t be satisfied by one-sidedly giving or taking.

-The Author’s brilliance in writing traumatic-based behavior ( Kyo/yuki’s best interaction!! ) :

-an anon cryptically warned me that I’ll be disappointed in kyo this ep cuz of a certain scene with yuki. After watching it, I can tell you without a doubt I’m not disappointed at all!! Rather I’m beyond satisfied that I’ve decided to trust the author. Ms. Takya is genius in depicting traumatic-based behavior! Any other writer, would write the scene less raw, yuki would still shine defeating his inner demos, but kyo would only grunt, or say sth mild. cuz the writer might fear that it might risk showing kyo as the stupid guy behind in his growth compared to the successful yuki ,or annoy the readers/viewers who are so eager for these boys to reach mutual ground. Only a great writer will be brave enough to write kyo as his trauma/ faulty copying mechanism logically dictates!

-We spent an entire season with yuki, saw him yell at kakeru’s insensitive hurtful remarks, cry knowing he was saved cuz a friend risked freeing him, it took a locked dark room, paint fumes, PTSD, tons of monologues before yuki finally let it all out! & you want such brilliant writer to make kyo turn around & be nice to yuki all of a sudden after episodes of fights & no perspective insight? You bet such amazing writer will give kyo’s perspective its time & his development the logical progress he needs. This writer is all abt logical & realistic progression! whether positive or even negative, the characters will come across human, raw, realistic & real during & after their journey.

- Going through kyo/yuki’s dialogue, it will tell you that furuba is NOT abt friendship saving the day, or abt successful growth. It is abt the journey these traumatized children are undergoing now that they are nearly becoming young adults. Yuki’s journey was amazing not cuz he succeeded (as amazingly as this is) but cuz it made sense from his perspective, was realistic, logical, matched his coping mechanism & character traits & it took the needed time. Now for kyo, all his reactions should match his perspective, & make sense giving his coping mechanism. He wasn’t given time yet. so, he won’t grow much yet. “Making a fool of me?” kyo didn’t see yuki’s perspective abt the hat. he thinks yuki did it on purpose to taunt him.That HE saved tohru while kyo fails as always. “Praised by others, needed by them” Kyo like everybody in school, always thought yuki is a prince, loved, & admired. Kyo is not the audience, he didn’t see yuki’s struggle.”surpass me easily while I struggle” kyo may train for years with tears & blood, but the rat will beat him always cuz he is superiors. “an idiot that never gets anything, wants an idiotic impossible thing” “if only I gave birth to the rat, I’d ve been happier” kyo’s mom wished or the impossible. So did kyo. He wished that he’d prove to her that he can be the rat’s equal. She shouldn't have died becuz of him. An impossible wish.

-I personally think that kyo’s journey will take a different path from yuki’s. Unlike yuki, kyo’s been accused & proved to harm others somehow, intentionally or unintentionally. Some not even in this world anymore. So there are things in kyo’s journey that can’t be fixed. Nothing will bring his mom or kyoko back to life. He can’t apologize to them. There is NO forgiveness here as kyoko said!. Hence, the writer will brilliantly make kyo fall so hard & reach rock bottom so bad before he stands up again!! It matches his personality too!! He’s a person who struggles in expressing himself verbally, gets overwhelmed with emotions, stubborn, hard on himself & fiery in nature. Moreover, due to his trauma, he harbors very low self-esteem & due to his guilt, he is drenched in self-loath.

-The addiction of destructive coping mechanism ( Writing Brilliancy):

Kyo has one of the most destructive coping mechanism in the show. Similarly to what his father did by illogically dumping all the blame of the mom’s suicide on 4 year old child, which resulted in hurting kyo, kyo adopted his dad’s ways & dumped it all on yuki. Illogical. wrong. but it works!! it numbs this tingling sense of guilt, it puts the voice that goes “ you’re unforgivable” temporarily to sleep. All the hate is on someone else. not me. I’m not a monster. does it work all the time? NO. cuz NO drug does! All drugs has this temporary effect, that unless you break away from, will end up destroying you. “don’t you want it that way? you wouldn’t want to have anyone to hate?“  I’m still confused if this is kyoko or his mom. It has kyoko’s hair, the words are very harsh. Kyoko from kyo’s perspective shifts between extremely kind & cruelly harsh! but regardless, the truth has been spoken. Kyo’s eyes are opened. He can’t force blind himself anymore. he does NOT hate yuki. he “ acts like hating yuki is sth you needs to do”, as shigure said! hating yuki is his way to escape from his destructive self-loath. He hasn’t been hating or fighting yuki for a long while, he tries now, one more fight, one more dose of the drug, let the pain go away! Nope. Yuki is not participating, yuki is in the light now. You are drenched in the darkness, as unforgivable as you are. Monster eyes & all. Kyo breaks the window to break away from the memory. from this point on, it escalates to rock bottom as the drug is no longer working & hating himself with no escape is all he’s left with.

-Protecting leading to hurting:

yuki brings kyo attention that while he’s been hard on himself & resisting change, he is hurting tohru. Sth kyo chose confinement in oder to NOT do. Kyo being distant from class activities “life” is his choice. Tohru suffering is a consequence to that choice. Kyo, once again, overwhelmed by tohru’s desire to include him in their activities “ life”. Helplessly & painfully looking at her & acknowledging yuki’s words. Kyo in one of his most vulnerable moments, matched only by true form hug scene, is desperate for a hug. Not only cuz he loves her, but cuz he needs her, cuz he’s so tried of himself, cuz she’s so endearingly stupid waiting for him all by herself when she could’ve easily caught him home!! Ugh! tohru! T_T. Except this time, kyo is aware of his surroundings, it’s school, no place for transformation. As kyo decides to change his position from hug to head rest, he stares so intently in her eyes. Embracing her with his presence. For a moment there I felt weird. Like I was intruding on a personal moment between two ppl. XD. This moment was this excellently weird mix of tenderly romantic, bittersweet cuz they cant be together hug, & sexually tensed! one of the most successful kyoru moment that truly depicted emotions visually without needing much dialogue!

Side Notes:

kyo/yuki interaction was their most honest, filter-free & raw moment! each said what he really felt. yuki’s directly telling kyo to complain to him, which kyo did. yuki urging kyo to see that punishing himself hurts tohru.

I appreciate that Yuki won’t tell tohru now, cuz it will ruin their progress towards a better balanced relationship. Tohru’s lid hasn’t even been touched, so she would be cautious interacting with him. But once she opens her lid, her self-worth increase & her desire to focus on herself more is ignited!, she’ll listen to him without taking his burden as hers. just like kakeru did. Equal friends.

I wanted to talk deeper abt machi & yuki, but didn’t want it to be overshadowed by kyo’s analysis. Next time for sure!

I love how the writer included the most spontaneous flirting moment between kyo & tohru right after yuki explained that he saw her non-romantically. The writer wants the comparison to be clear cutting ties to any love-triangle misunderstanding that might linger from previous scenes. Moreover, it showed yuki fully & genuinely accepting kyoru!!

I’ll never be over tohru acting like normal teenager & chasing kyo, trying to catch the script!!!! These small moments while having not much effect on the grand plot, help depict tohru with her own feisty style of stubbornness beyond the one-sided kind image we always see.

This ep has well-written & visually appealing scenes. Visual imagery were well-implemented in kyo/yuki scene & kyo/tohru last scene.

Thank you anime for drawing tohru older, pretty & more mature in the final scene. She looked like a woman in love & silently in pain. My baby is growing!

Why is kyoko holding the hat in KYO’s flashback!!!! she’s wearing the same white dress from yuki’s memory?? What the heck is the hat’s story?!!!