#he wanted to borrow a book

[cardigan-bay]

Chapter 55 of my Hazbin Hotel fic that continues the story after Season 1 with a disturbing focus on Worst Person, Valentino.

Now what could The Radio Demon want with Valentino, in his bed, alone, at night?

[divine-misfortune]

Aether waking Rain up with a cup of tea, Rain all bleary eyed and his curls are just wild - sweet thing only ever communicates in little chirps when he's this out of it and Aether loves every sound - sits beside him and lets Rain lean into his side while he drinks

It's that lovely mint blend Mountain spent forever trying to perfect for the water ghoul's birthday, he drinks it sparingly even though he knows Mountain would replenish the stock in a heartbeat but because there's something special about those dried herbs in that tin. It's the thought behind them that makes them so important to cherish

When he's done, he passes the mug back and leans up to kiss Aether as a thank you but like most mornings (especially the ones where Rain's feeling a little extra sappy for one reason or another) it's never just one kiss, neither of them ever want it to be just one either

There's a reason the two of them are always the last to the breakfast table after spending the night together

[neonthewrite]

I don't know who needs to hear this but "borrower" isn't a catch-all term for a lil guy living in the walls. They are a species from a book series with specific lore on what they look like and how they operate.

[astrarche-x]

thinking about how we never have an actual flashback from the Ouyang clan execution and how that adds to the unreliability of Ouyang's narrative about his life and death. [sorry, long rant incoming bc i have feels]

Especially in regards to the scene when Ouyang is tasked with execution of Zhang Jr.: he thinks that he willingly chose to avenge his father and to bear the suffering of his fate when he was 10. But did he?

''He was giving him a chance for his death to have meaning. He should be grateful", he thinks in regard to Zhang Jr. So did he himself just stay alive for his death to have meaning? Or - what I suspect - did he just invent all this a posteriori to justify his will to live?

Apart from the fact that the scene with Ouyang killing Zhang Jr. is one of the most memorable in HWDTW for me for the layers that it has, it highlights one of the most fascinating facets of Ouyang: his will to live vs. his deathwish.

Obviously as his whole arc is about falling downhill, we as readers don't see much of the former, while the latter is in abundance especially in HWDTW. But nevertheless this tension is very much there.

As I said, we don't see - even through Ouyang's eyes - what went down that fateful day of the massacre; did he really beg for his life to avenge his family or just for the sake of it. But personally - I'm betting for the latter. Like, come on, he was 10 AND - more importantly - he DIDN'T know that Chaghan would have him castrated as he begged for mercy. He had no idea what the consequences would be. He might have thought about revenge; it's evident that even at 10 yo, the masculine ideals were already drilled into him. But he DIDN'T choose that with full awareness; it's something he told himself over the years to justify his will to live.

And I think this is the deepest root of his shame: that he so desperately wanted to live he could do anything. Him being an eunuch was shameful too, but not so much as the fact that he PREFERS it to being dead. This is what Chaghan calls him out on and this is why the scolding is such a turning point (something I didn't catch at first): Ouyang realizes that if he wants to live free of shame and justify his existence, he must have his revenge. But to do that - ironically - he must destroy himself.

The excuse he came up with over the years to make up for his will to live is that he is a tool of revenge; he is allowed to exist as long as he is this tool. Where the tragedy lies is that he never allowed himself to imagine that he could exist after his revenge is complete. Which is, I think, part of the reason why it took him so long to start plotting it: he wanted to live. He wanted to be with Esen. (The passage "He felt a surge of hatred towards the monk. [...] Without him, how much longer might Ouyang have had with Esen?" is one of the most heartbreaking in SWBTS imo). And I think that deep down he didn't even think his revenge was actually doable.

"[...] the monk had triggered the start of his journey towards his purpose. He couldn’t find it in himself to be grateful. It felt like a violation. A theft of something he hadn’t been ready to give up. Not innocence, exactly, but the limbo in which he could still fool himself that other futures were possible."

I think that these ''other futures'' were futures in which the opportunity for revenge never came; not so much as in ''his enemies were dead by other means'', but as in "Ouyang kept waiting but he just didn't get to meet the Khan" etc. And I think that in his mind, it would have been the best possible option - he could keep on living, waiting for the opportunity that somehow never came, but hey, his excuse of being a tool for revenge was still valid, right?? nobody could tell him that he didn't want it or forgot! he just didn't have the opportunity! oh, such bad luck, sorry not sorry. (And one day he would have died on the battlefield, possibly in Esen's arms, and it would be the best life he could have imagined).

But Zhu gives him the opportunity and he feels he must act on it, which means that his excuse for existing will soon be no longer valid, and it makes him so angry. I still don't get why he couldn't imagine a life after revenge; possibly because despite everything he LIKED this life - or, at least, liked it more than the alternative. Revenge meant destroying everything he enjoyed: his life as a general of the Yuan, and - more importantly - Esen. He probably didn't imagine a life for himself after revenge not only because he thought himself a tool to be discarded, but also because he didn't see in there anything worth living for. And this is when his deathwish comes in. It practically appears as soon as Esen is dead; and the rest is history, with Ouyang's ''I have to live because I must have my revenge and I sacrificed too much for it to walk away now!". But still, it strikes me how at the beginning of SWBTS he's clinging to life as he knows it despite it not being ideal, and how in HWDTW he is awaiting death eagerly.

And - circling back to Zhang Jr. - this is why Ouyang kills the boy: for Zhu it might have been tying up loose ends, but Ouyang at this point sees that staying alive wasn't worth it. He does what is better for the boy in his opinion; he even lets him die with honour, something he himself wants. He wishes he had chosen death all these years ago.

[distinguishedstudentcat]

ivy by taylor swift is so show!braime coded I'm going to be sick

[declamationark]

I feel like Atsushi would so over the moon and swear undying loyalty to whoever showed him how to get his own library card. He'll be treating it like his most prized possession, second only to Chazuke

[echoesofadream]

so many books on my tbr and also so many books i have started but not finished and im thinking about reading dostojevskij instead

[forgottenarthur]

Marian/Arthur - “ you’ve been so quiet. what’s on your mind? ”

The prince started. In truth, he'd not known someone was there, so lost in his thoughts he'd been. Sitting in the broad windowseat, long legs outstretched with Aria's book in his lap, he'd been reading for hours when movement outside the window had caught his eye. Aria's scarlet cloak wafted in the breeze, a stark contrast to the snow-struck world ringing round her. She'd stopped in her course, noting a stablehand, and the ring of her familiar laughter had wafted, too, all the way to Arthur, his book forgotten in his lap, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched, entranced, as crimson heat overtook her cheeks, green-dark eyes shining bright.

Surprise bloomed in his chest -- a princess, even reduced now to a lady as she was, but still a princess raised -- stopping for a casual chat with a hand and, not only that, she grew entirely absorbed in it. Her face was angelic in happiness, her forest-dark gaze star-bright and dancing all about her as if the whole of cosmos bent closer when she smiled. How could she be so joyful in such circumstances? Everything she'd once known lost to her!

Unconsciously, Arthur leaned closer, as if he could prize the secret from the smiling curve of her lips or the flush of her rosy cheeks. He didn't think he'd ever been so pleased in his whole life as she was now to stop and chat with a servant in the blistering cold, yet another bell-soft peal of laughter seemed to make all the ice sparkle.

Sighing, he leaned back against the cushions pillowing his back, his eyes roving now over this icy landscape: her native home. How it would change from here on out, Arthur already knew. He'd watched his father conquer other worlds long before he'd ever set foot in hers, and whatever sweet wildness was here to be found: that, he'd stamp out and ring all in stone and iron to suppress it and, strangely, something in Arthur's chest ached now to think of that brutally civilizing force, to think of the way her eyes danced now like starlight, and to think they might be suppressed only into tame, flickering candlelight.

Was this how he, too, would someday be? If he lived, he would be emperor, and if he was emperor, would he too smother the stars beneath the tread of his imperial heel? Was it always destined to be so? Was that the only way, the only path to survival? For him, he knew it was empire or death: his only salvation. But was he doomed to uproot every flowering plant in his path? Would she ever smile like this again?

Arthur jolted at the familiar sound of his mother's voice in that moment and, quickly, sat up, swinging his legs around to sit in a less relaxed way, the window and Aria in her scarlet cloak now to his back.

"Mother--" he took a moment, processed what she had said. Arthur licked his lips, unconsciously glancing down. He saw the long-forgotten book in his lap and he slammed its cover closed.

Glancing up again, he spotted his mother following where his gaze had earlier strayed. Arthur pressed his eyes shut, knowing she could not fail to note Aria, robed as she was in crimson against a backdrop all of white, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"The Lady Aria is quite a beauty, isn't she?"

Arthur shook his head. She was, but he didn't wish to be having this conversation. "It's awfully cold out--" he began, not quite sure where he was going, but wishing to dislodge the line of thought he feared was forming in his mother's mind.

"And you...worry she will catch a chill?"

"What? No, I--" Arthur shrugged, helpless. "It's not like that, Mother."

"Hmm..." Marian slowly seated herself beside her son. "What is it like, Arthur?"

"I--" he shook his head again; rubbed the back of his neck again. "Will I be emperor, Mother?"

Her face shone with astonishment, settling into certainty. This was not the question she'd been expecting, but she had never shown even a hint of doubt that that was to be his future. "Of course."

Arthur fell silent a moment. He wished he could be so sure. He thought death a more likely outcome, in truth. "This is a beautiful place," he said, gesturing around them.

"It is."

"She's talking to a stablehand, you know."

"The princ--Lady Aria?"

He nodded. "They talk to stablehands here. Princesses. Talk to stablehands."

Marian's brows furrowed.

"It's a very natural conversation, too. Friendly."

"Arthur...Are you...jealous?"

"Mother!" he reddened. "Focus! What this means is...it's normal. Maybe she's not a princess, anymore, but she was one, once, and it was ordinary to them, then, that a princess ought to speak on friendly terms to a stablehand."

"What are you driving at?"

Sighing, he rubbed his arm. "I don't know, I--I don't know."

"Is that the type of Emperor you wish to be?"

"What?"

"One who speaks on friendly terms to a stablehand?"

Arthur frowned. "Is that...possible?"

"When you're emperor, Arthur, anything will be possible."

"Anything?" Unconsciously, Arthur glanced towards the window behind him. Aria was laughing again, and taking her leave. He glanced down at the book in his lap. "Anything..."

But he couldn't be so sure.

[ladye-zelda]

WAIT I JUST THOUGHT OF THE PERFECT NAME FOR MINISH CAP LINK

Say hello to...

BURROWER!!!

[britneyshakespeare]

Let slaves in mind be servile to their fears;

Our heart is high instarred in brighter spheres.

Fernando, IV.ii of Love's Sacrifice (1633) by John Ford

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: KILLING FLOOR by Lee Child.

This isn't a genre I typically read; HOWEVER!: my dream agent was on an episode of the Writing Excuses podcast about beginnings, and they said this one is Very Good, so I borrowed my dad's paperback copy to give it a whirl.

I'm low-key hoping this will help me sort out some Genre Issues™ I suspect I'm having with a writing project, too, which is a nice added bonus! Excited to see how this goes.

[szczekaczz]

graduating really didn't make me feel anything huh

[giyuko]

playing with stickers is so funnnn!! 🪼🫧💿🛋️🩵

[bluebellhairpin]

Sighing bc I had the start of what could've been a great dream with erwin in it.

[lil-miss]

What was/is your favorite book series?

I feel like a parent being asked to choose who their favorite kid is lmao.

When I think of books that I keep re-reading I think of the The Immortals Quartet by Tamora Pierce in her Tortall universe. It was one of my first big fantasy novels I read as a kid/young teenager and I loved it. Daine is one of my favorite protagonists to this day.

When I think more generally I love LOTR even though I don’t re-read it often because of the length, but I just love the prose and detailed imagery. Reading Tolkien changed my writing style and I’d like to think I’m a better writing because of it.

[ratnamedlab]

I’m looking through Elliott’s dialogue to get him into character better, and I found this

“Oh dear! A tiny crab appears to have made his home in my shirt pocket. That's the trouble with living on the beach.”

Like? Canonically has shirt pockets? Farmer is going to take full advantage of that later.