#he stayed there for. 1.5 minutes. much longer than usual!

[daughterofsarenrae]

I dont post many pics of myself but robin is being cute so

[the-firebird69]

This is all that's left of the tiki hotel and bar and a lot of people call it that they had a name but they should probably put it in with that name probably make a fortune but really they have a different design already and it is not the greatest design people are not going to like it it doesn't fit in that son thinks he saw it but it's not that one either and it's going okay we have a couple people that are getting affected by this stuff

--right now in town there's a bunch of radiation blowing through it looks like it's from more than the three but it's not they were steaming like madness and there's a ship above and it's one of the engines keeping the steam from coming this way but it doesn't keep the radiation out. Does blowing up here and it's up here now at about 1.7 rad it's been up here for about 20 minutes he's been outside for 20 minutes and people are following him around and they're getting sick it will go up to about 1.9 rad for 20 more minutes and it's an intense dose enough really for our son but he needs to clear some of this s*** out and it's true he's getting slightly bigger but it's not really that noticeable only if you have the right equipment can you tell and we we know where and he'll be surprised a little bit and he says it's forearm has changed a teeny tiny bit and bicep looks the same but the tricep is a little bit longer and bigger and those two things are true it's really hard to tell this kind of stuff it says something's going on with the lower legs they're clearing up a little bit and it doesn't look it but it kind of is and he's had that red stuff around most of it now it's disappearing it's a very good sign. After today because this is going to go on until probably 2:00 p.m. and it will go down and then it'll go back up at 4:00 p.m. he'll probably be inside at 4:00 p.m. if he stays out till 2:00 and it'll off gas tonight fairly quickly. He will be at 73% and we predicted 75%. So it's good it's still too high but we got to take it slow the radiation kind of leaves is the issue but overnight we anticipate the five quarter mile or better blowing up here at about 2.5 rad completa and in the apartment will be 1.5 rad for about 45 minutes and then another burst of 30 minutes so by tomorrow morning he'll be at 70% and it will continue along these lines that'll be Friday and he'll be inside no he comes out at 2:00 for 15 minutes and it depends which bus usually they have it on recycle and it gets reduced very low but does hardly any air so it's terrible but if it's one of the windows it's like 1.7 but they may not want to open it and throughout the duration of the ride some of them open the window if they do you'll have an hour of 1.7 and usually he goes inside cuz he's tired but they could be outside in the morning and then in the morning it's going to be 1.3 and Justin is going to start having a hard time and that will be and they plan on going to probably Perkins or the Olive garden and that will be about 45 minutes at 1.3 rad all together tomorrow night he'll be at 65% and it will continue to go down and about 5% today it's not really that much cumulative it is a little bit it goes away after a few days even if it accumulates more by the end of the weekend he'll be at about 45% and a few more days and we'll start to heal a lot more right now it's gross

--we have new figures for the day it's noon this morning we had figures of around 400,000 right now the total of the new Total but not in addition it's a new Total is 600,000 that's off of the original Macklemore lock hierarchy including a pseudo empire the numbers they were at 5.5 million now they're at 4.9 million and it's going down steadily and yeah some of them are real food cakes and think they're a big man they'll say have a similar shape and his part giant but he is not going to do well.

--we expect probably another 400,000 but our son says sometime in the afternoon it depends what they're doing but in the hospital they give way so it might change it's absolutely true it's a different time now and they're exhausting themselves and we do hear reports that they're a lot of them have accumulated in the bone and it keeps coming out but we have estimates from 400,000 to 1.2 million but our consensus is around $650,000 so that brings them down to 4.25 million and there leadership be about 2.1 no it's 1.9%. and they're fighting over going out there the pseudo empire is at 4.5% with today's losses so so far at the end of the day probably 4% and they're both doing miserably it's going to keep going this way and they're going to all have a lot of problems tonight these guys are sicker than hell and have to leave and they haven't but they plan to leave and they plan to try and run their plan which is to try and eliminate the weaponry by flooding the taverns and causing an explosion and riding the pseudo empire onto Tommy f and causing a distraction and he's not aware of who's moving in in a few days he won't have anything again and that's how it goes and we're pretty confident nothing will happen. But he probably won't leave until he's forced out completely and says it's natural law so our son says it depends who's forcing you out and he says yeah it's true so he's going to sit here until he's almost dead right now he has about a 70% chance of living and his son has a 65% chance of living and on today's standards and with what they do and by the end of the weekend they'll both have a 50% chance if they stay in those bodies more shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[burning-clutch]

Shielded From The Truth

Cross posted on A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30441042 -.-.-.-.- Warnings: Mild wounds. Number two in the phic phight! When his parents put a shield up around Casper high to keep the ghosts out, and it means that Danny’s day hardly goes to plan. And he was so close to being on time for once too…. PHIC PHIGHT 2021 For team ghost! -.-.-.-.-.- Prompt by: Silverwing013 Danny's parents have kindly offered to set up a ghost shield generator for Casper High. Hijinks ensue as Danny attempts to handle the situation. 

-.-.-.-.-.-

Danny groaned as he only half listened to his parents rattle off whatever ghost nonsense they were going on about as he ate his breakfast. A bowl of dry cereal because the milk was contaminated and he really didn’t want to chance it giving him more than a stomach ache. This had become the norm this week it seemed as his parents seemed invested more than usual into the ghost shields that they had been working on and improving.

Why only shields? They would be installing one in the school soon… but beyond that? He wasn’t sure. They probably told him, sure, but being a teenager and one that had parents that hated half of him, had the effect of making him only lightly listen to the weapons and things that were meant to fully kill him off. That and at least the ghost shields weren’t usually a hindrance to him, in fact, they had proven themselves useful on a few occasions.

Plus he had the added advantage of being able to simply return to his human form and slip through the shield with little issue. Given his parents had no knowledge of half ghosts existing, at least he hoped not, they shouldn’t be designing a ghost and human shield. After all, that would defeat the purpose, right? It wasn’t as if Amity really had any human threats anymore.

Well, regardless of the eccentricities of his parents he could at least take some comfort in the fact that Skulker couldn’t simply attack the school to get to him any longer.

Small mercies he supposed.

Danny blinked as his father said something to him before slapping him on his back causing the teen to practically choke on his cereal from the force of the smack. “Isn’t that just great Dann-o?” the large man exclaimed happily before looking at his son expectantly. Oh great, he wanted him to ask something? Great.

“S-Sure” Danny choked out as he flailed, grabbing in front of him for the orange juice he had nabbed from the fridge, it thankfully hadn’t been in there long enough to start glowing… yet…

He shook his head as he finally got his breath back without inhaling dry cereal pieces into his lungs. When he was sure he wasn’t going to sound like some dollar store squeaky toy he tried to ask his parents a question, always a dreadful time if he were honest, but hey, he would usually be late for school anyway.

“So this will go around the whole school?” Danny tried weakly.

“Yep! And the best part is it’ll sense where there's an evil ectoplasmic entity nearby and spring up instantly! We made sure there won’t be a ghost within Twenty feet of the school before that puppy jumps up to the rescue! Like a big Fenton airbag!” Jack exclaimed all too enthusiastically for what the current time in the AM should allow a normal person to exhume.

Danny hummed noncommittally and sent a glance of ‘help me’ to his sister, who, in turn, rolled her eyes at her little brother. “And the shield even uses the ghost’s power to run the shield right?” Jazz asked side eyeing her father from her own spot not wanting to fully engage in the conversation they were having.

“Oh, yea! That’s the best part!” Jack practically cheered out.

“And the stronger the evil skum is the faster the shield will react and sooner it will be picked up. It will only go off on a level three or higher.” Maddie explained with a pleasant smile as she sips at her coffee.

“And we got it all finished last night to be ready for you kids today” Jack added happily.

“Hooray, more fun on a Monday” Danny sighed out into his last bites of cereal. Jazz snorted but didn’t comment, though Danny blew her a childish raspberry.

Jack continued to go on about the more intricate details of the shield they had put up though only one thing really caught his attention in the spiel, “-And Vladdie helped with the funding to outfit the school! Even helped us get the materials we needed to make such a large shield!”

“Ah, there it is…” Danny groaned letting his head fall forward onto the table in instant defeat.

“Danny! I really wish you would learn not to stay up so late playing video games! Look at you! If I get another call from one of your teachers about you sleeping in class-” Maddie started only for Danny to cut her off jumping to his feet.

“Yep! Thanks for that, mom! Look at the time! Love you bye!” Danny prattled off quick as could be before grabbing his book bag by his feet and bolting like a scared rabbit. After all, if his mother never finished that sentence when he inevitably fell asleep he couldn’t be grounded… she never officially gave him the last warning…

That’ll work, right?

It wasn’t long when he was out of the house that he was at his usual waiting spot for Sam and Tucker. Unsurprisingly, Sam got there first though they didn't have to wait long for Tucker to lumber forward, half asleep to his friends, and together they made their way towards the school as a unit.

Things seemed well enough until he got onto the stairs leading up to the main doors. That was when all hell broke loose. A deep alarm sounded before his father’s voice rang out from the speakers, in his over the top cheery way that only Jack Fenton knew how to pull off.

“Attention kids! Guess there’s an evil spook nearby so we’re deploying the shield! This ghost protection was brought to you by Fenton-works and sponsored by your mayor!”

Danny frowned. “My ghost sense didn’t go off…” He mentioned quietly to his friends.

“Maybe the shield sensors are more sensitive than you are?” Tucker asked with a frown.

“Since when?” Sam argued incredulously.

“Well who or whatever it is, it isn’t bothering me right now and no one’s screaming, no one’s panicking, so it can wait. I’m actually going to be on time for once!” Danny says waving the notion off.

He continues his trek up the stairs and towards the doors of the school, though when he reaches the threshold of the shield he finds himself having to really push hard against the thing. It was like hitting a wall of foam or Jell-O. He could push through if he pressed hard enough but it was not pleasant or as easy as going through the air.

Once through the initial shield wall, he blinked slowly feeling sluggish and as though all his limbs were moving through water. He even sort of felt like he was having to ‘swim’ as he walked like he was both heavier and lighter than he should be, but unable to find that buoyancy happy middle ground.

“Dude…” Tucker said smartly as he frowned at his friend’s almost slow motion, yet stop motion like movements. It was eerie, to say the least, not to mention the more pressing issue that he noticed right off the hop, “Your eyes are shining, man. And your, um… Neck...”

Sam, ever prepared for whatever bull their lives seem to throw their way, slipped her bag around to her front and offered Danny a pair of sunglasses, which the halfa put on promptly, along with the spider webbed patterned black and silver scarf.  “I mean, it’s better,” Sam argued, not even giving Tucker's look of disapproval her full attention.

“They’re spider glasses.” The boy states with a shake of his head. “Not really digging the whole-” Tucker waved his arm about Danny’s head in little circles, “-pseudo goth thing” he finished finally. Though he had to admit it was at least marginally better than seeing his friend’s glowing eyes and the electric scars showing up on his neck and disappearing under his shirt collar.

“Better?” Danny asked out sluggish, his voice almost sounding like it was being drawn out on a tape deck that was starting to lack battery power and not playing at quite the proper speed making the pitch and timing slower and lower.

Sam and Tucker shared a look before offering a thumbs up to their friend, both deciding it better not to address… whatever that was… The look they shared between one another spoke of their mutual hope that this would perhaps be one of those problems that simply go away on its own.

Ignoring the problems they have usually makes it go away… Yeah, that always works out.  

Danny makes a grab for the door to pull it open again, having that weird slow stop motion effect, like he was flickering between blinks rather than making a smooth motion forward. “Ehm, maybe don’t move around too much man… it’s um… creeping me out.” Tucker offers helpfully.

“Huh?” it took Danny a minute to process, as while he looked slow to them they seemed to be hyped up on caffeine to him… “Why are you talking so fast?” He wondered, his head almost appearing to glitch into a tilted and confused look.

“I think the ghost shield is making you go all slow motion. Just stop talking.” Sam says forcefully before letting out a shudder of her own.

Sam and Tucker share a glance before they each grab onto one of Danny’s arms and half drag him off to his locker. Despite his friends’ efforts he still got many looks shot his way, and a couple of people started whispering to one another as he passed by them.

“How is this going to work if I’m already weirding everyone out?” Danny asked, voice still sounding like a slowed record as he blinked sluggishly and his head jerked almost unsteadily from side to side. From his perspective, everyone was speeding along and talking at 1.5 times the normal speed.

“Maybe I should look for the ghost that triggered this, maybe Tuck, can you look into this mess?” Danny asked after a moment of trying to figure out what was being said around him through the noise of the hall.

“Yeah that might be best…” Sam responded shifting from leg to leg as she locks eyes with a basketball jock who was staring at their group incredulously.

“I got you, man, I’ll change everything to present and, block any ‘call home’ recommendations.” Tucker pipped up already pulling out his PDA to set that up preemptively.

Danny nodded and let out a hum before glitching his way out the nearest exit and out of the shield’s bounds. Once he slipped back out through the barrier, strangely enough, a harder feat than it was getting in, but that wasn’t a problem he wanted to focus on, he already blamed Vlad so he would simply continue to do so until the fruitloop showed himself.

As soon as he was through the green line of the shield Danny practically fell forward in relief. That stifling feeling now gone from his core and bones making his movements fluid and normal, well as normal as a clumsy half ghost could be anyhow…

It was a moot point and not one Danny wanted to think on too long. He gave a quick “thanks” to his friends, before diving between the dumpster and the school’s bricks, transforming into his ghostly alter ego and taking off into the sky. He would do a few laps around the school and city as he looks for whatever ghost set off the shield.

-BREAK-

It wasn’t until lunchtime Danny returned looking much more windswept and all around more miserable. He entered the courtyard through the side joining his friends out on the picnic table they had claimed.  He made it over to them, flopped down on the bench next to tucker with a groan before his head smacked into the table before him.

“You find them?” Tucker asked around whatever horrid monstrosity of a sandwich he was eating, spewing bits of half chewed bred at Danny’s head.

“No” Came the muffled reply, filled with tired disdain.

“No ghost sense?” Sam wandered, flicking the bits of bread from Danny’s raven hair and back towards Tucker.

“No”

“Huh… You think it was you who set off the shield?”  Sam wondered with a thoughtful frown.

“When I went into the back end of the generator though it wasn’t supposed to go off for anything that low, Danny in human form is like a two at best,” Tucker argued spinning his PDA around to show what he’d found when he hacked into the motherboard of the Fenton’s latest device.

Danny groaned. He supposed had he listened to his parents he could have been more prepared for whatever lunacy his parents’ decided to toss his way but alas, his short attention span and teenage rebellion and lack of caring got the best of him yet again.

Joyous of joys.

He tuned out his friend’s back and forthing for a bit, wondering if he could get away with smashing the device as Phantom when Tucker had his a-ha moment of discovery. Danny turned his head and raised a brow at his friend who was furiously typing away at his device.

“You were right about Vlad, Sam”

“Naturally,” She agreed.

“Well, he had an over right line here specifically set for Phantom’s ecto- signature,” the boy states running his finger along the line of code he’d found in the program.

Danny’s mood instantly brightened at that. “So then we just get rid of that bit right? And BAM everything’s fine?” He asked. “Man, what happened to me? Why do I want to get into the school again?”

“To keep up the illusion of normalcy on this mortal plane.” Sam supplied stabbing at her salad a little more forcefully than she probably needed to.

“Eh, yeah, I suppose.” Danny agreed with a lacklustre shrug.

“There, that should do it” Tucker spoke, interrupting whatever tangent Sam was getting ready to spew off about how normalcy was only an illusion created by corporations or some other such thing.

“And just in time The bell just rang,” Danny says with a small grin clasping a firm hand onto his friend’s shoulder. “Nice one Tucker!” he cheered as the trio made their way over to the doors that would lead them back into the cafeteria.

Unfortunately, as soon as Danny’s hand hit the door handle the shield once again sprung to life, though this time, instead of simply having a hard time passing through the shield, he was thrown back across the field earning a cry from several students who were following the trio.  

“Grapes of wrath Mister Fenton!” Lancer, (of course it was Lancer) shouted out in worry, his shout even carrying over the prerecorded message containing his father’s voice. Lancer half jogged half waddled over to Danny who blinked up blearily to his teacher, eyes flashing green for the briefest of seconds before draining back to blue.

“Leave it to Fen-turd to get himself possessed.” Dash snorted from behind the pot bellied teacher earning a few nervous glances between the small crowd of gathering students. The mutterings of the students didn’t take long to start up after that.

“I’m not possessed,” Danny argued, though, it was rather hard to make said argument when the palm of his hand was burned and leaking ectoplasm from where he had touched the door.

“Course he’s not possessed! He’s a ghost himself!” Wes shouted pointing an accusatory finger at the youngest Fenton.

Danny glared. “Not the time Westly.” He muttered under his breath as he was hauled to his feet by his friends. He tried to brush himself off only to end up smearing the ectoplasm from his hand onto his jeans, leaving a luminescent streak across his thigh.

Seeing his chance the ginger jock was all too eager to point it out. “See look! He’s bleeding ectoplasm!”

“No, I’m not! It’s from the shield! it sputtered out at me.” Danny tried to protest, though even in his own ears it sounded like a weak argument.

“Really?” Wes argued and marched over to the shimmering shield. The teen waved his arms about freely in the shield’s range hopping back and forth pointedly across the line of the barrier before showing his hands and clothes were completely clean of any glowing goo. “See! Ghost!” he accused again after he did a little pirouette to show his lack of ectoplasm.

“Yeah? Well, it sputtered at Danny only ‘cuz it turned on with him in the threshold.” Sam tried to argue back glaring at the ginger, venom in her gaze.

“Well then, why don’t you just walk through the shield Fen-toad?” Dash said with a smarmy grin, ever eager to get his own jabs in and seemingly not wanting to be outshined by the ginger conspiracy theorist’s bullying of his favourite punching bag.

“Fine” He spat back bitterly and marched up to the shield with a huff.

Sam and Tucker exchange a glance with one another as Danny presses his hand into the shield again. Thankfully this time there wasn’t anything that blows him back but he also really had to try and push through the shield.  

Danny could see out of the corner of his eye Wes’s smug grin as he grunts and does his best to push through the shield. His persistence is rewarded and he falls to the ground on the other side jumping up and giving a quick ‘HA!’ as he faces the small gathering crowd of students shifting uncomfortably just beyond the shield.

Sam had a look of exasperation and she looked like she was trying to restrain herself from face palming. Tucker on the other hand had no such restraint. He was almost over eager to bury his face into his hands.

From Danny’s perspective, he simply smacked into the ground and stood back up, but from the other students’ perspectives, Danny fell into the shield but instantly slowed down, looking as though he were falling with the moon’s gravity rather than the earthly speed everyone was used to. It also didn’t really look to them like he had hit the ground, instead glitching his body back into an upright position before cheering in that low slow motion state as he had earlier.

And if that wasn’t damning enough his eyes were glowing a lovely shade of ectoplasmic green.

Wes smirked, seemingly very smug and content with himself and this development. “See told you all he was a ghost!”

“T-that’s enough Mister Weston… Right…” LAncer muttered to himself a few moments watching as Danny seemed to glitch about as he cheered before seemingly realizing something was wrong. “I think there was a procedure to depossess a student…I bet the teachers in Bridgestone don’t have to exercise their students in this manner…” He complains. Sure they had gym class and he would appreciate the pun and irony if he wasn’t so tired.

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” he muttered, ignoring the look of panic that spread across Danny’s face.

It took some doing, a lot of flailing limbs and pressing himself against the damn shield, but Danny soon was through back out and free. His eyes still glowed brightly as he stared at his classmates looking very much like a deer in the headlights. Eyeshine and all might he add.

A few of the students were snickering, because only in Amity park could one get possessed by a ghost and have it come across as though someone had merely said something embarrassing or misheard an instruction and was now staring blankly ahead.

“Er….” Danny stared at his classmates half panicked before simply vanishing from view.

“Moby Dick!” Lancer exclaimed, almost dropping the book he was thumbing through from the Fenton parents. Sure it was a ghost, and could potentially be dangerous, but it wasn’t attacking so there wasn’t really anyone panicking.

Instead, the teacher simply felt tired. “Right, I’ll call the Fentons and let them deal with this, Everyone back inside I do believe the lunch bell rang already!” the teacher called out shooing the students into dispersing.

Danny stood there invisibly and holding strong as he internally groaned. At least they thought he was possessed, that could be easily explained away but he was not looking forward to trying to explain it to his parents…

Still maybe if he gets ahead of this…

It was with that thought in mind that he bolted away into the treeline beside the school, transformed and headed off to his home landing in his bedroom only a few minutes later. He went human, back intangible and invisible came out the door, made sure the coast was clear before speeding his way down into the basement.

He just made it down the stairs startling his mother and father who blinked at him curiously, when the phone rang cutting off his mother’s “Honey? What are you doing home so soon?”

“It’s the school calling Mads,” Jack says, sounding disappointed as the large man sent a look of disapproval to his boy.

“Wait!” Danny jumped forward answering the phone and instantly hanging it up.

“Daniel!” His mother exclaimed abashedly.

“I wanna explain first! Do you know how all your stuff goes off on me? Well, the shield at school started doing that and they think I’m possessed! I’m not, it's just the… ya know…” Danny rambled off hurriedly hoping against hope that his parents wouldn’t try to send him to decontamination … again… (Thanks to his ghost half, it burned in places he didn’t ever want to burn)

“You’re possessed Dann-o?!” Jack exclaimed instantly pulling a Fenton gun from somewhere on his person and brandishing it towards his son.

Danny threw his hands up and waved them placatingly at his father. “NO! Just the normal stuff! The contamination from the portal accident set it off. I got too close to the sensor!” He says quickly ignoring how his parents seem to flinch slightly.

His parents shared a look before his father seemed to deflate, seemingly upset at the fact his son wasn’t possessed. “I thought we fixed that... “ Jack says with a frown. “But, we can’t let the school know we may have messed it up! I know we’ll just run the tests again and fix it in the night!”  

“Yeah, that would be- Wait what?” Danny blinks. Why couldn’t they just go down and fix it normally? Of course, his parents had to be weird about this too. “Thanks… Is there anything you need from me to help?”

And with those words said he almost instantly regretted it. “Well… We would really like to know why your ecto signature lines up perfectly with Phantom’s but perhaps that can wait.” Maddie offered with a small amused smile.

Danny sputtered at that, “Wh-What?”

“We set up a monitoring system so we can tell which ghosts most frequent the school… Phantom was the one that triggered the shield twice today. There actually wasn’t anything else that did,” Maddie explained with a deepening frown.

“You sure you’re not possessed, son?” Jack asked again this time sounding almost defeated in how, well, normal a volume he asked that. The hidden meaning was all too obvious especially after he mentioned his accident…

They thought he was dead! The portal killed him! And as the growing pit of dread grew into Danny’s stomach he couldn’t help but feel awful knowing they were correct in that assumption, well at least half right anyhow.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m me…” Danny managed out his voice cracking

“O-oh hun....” Maddie sniffed.

“But it’s not I… I’m me, I promise and I’m not all dead. I still have a heartbeat and everything!” Danny argued or rather tried to as his mother was quick to kneel before him taking his face in her hands as tears bubbled down her chin.

“Mom really I’m like … half at most. More human with a side of ghostly abilities ya know?”

“Oh, it’s okay Dann-o… You're still my son, I know ya are. It’s been almost a year since that accident and you’re mostly still you.” Jack said. “Just worse grades and more hormones and-”

“Thanks, guys really,” Danny sighed in relief both at dodging the potentially awkward birds and ghostly bees talk as well as the tepid acceptance he was getting. Awkward though it may be it was still acceptance nonetheless.  He was happy for it just the same.

“Maybe while we work on fixing up the shield to ignore Phantom’s signature you can tell us about some things?” Maddie asked sniffling again as she looked over her son’s face trying her best to hold herself together and not outright bawl at the thought she had killed her youngest child.

“Y-yeah… I’ve been wanting to tell you about this for a while now but, well, ya know…” Danny offered uselessly.

“I think it’s us who should apologize for that, son but maybe we can just all go get some triple chocolate fudge milkshakes and go deal with that shield after dinner?” Jack offered with a smile, ever the one to break up tension.

“Yeah, yeah… that sounds good.” Danny agreed. Well, it wasn't how he was expecting this to go, but he was kinda glad it ended up like this. Maybe now they could repair their strained relationship.

As Maddie ruffled up Danny’s hair the teen offered her his first genuine smile in almost a year.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Total words: 4245 Complete

[ransomedrogue]

Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

hi, it’s fic time again... 1.5 this time, swoon, what an episode! I don’t usually fic complete existing scenes but it felt right for this one.

1.5

Since Jane's arrival in his life, Kurt Weller had experienced emotional extremes he'd forgotten were possible; not to mention some of the most intense moments of his FBI career. Yet he still would never have guessed that he'd end up pointing his weapon at the deputy director of the CIA, waiting to see if his entire team was going to die in an inter-agency shootout.

Weller stood there, aiming his gun at Tom Carter, his finger twitching a bit as he remembered the CIA agent's interest in Jane earlier that day. His heart started pounding once more, just as it had finally settled down from the chase for Dodi – plus seeing Jane almost get shot in the head while she clung to a radioactive device.

And then, it felt like his head was about to explode too; with the same intensity and fallout that had just been narrowly avoided when Jane caught the deadly football. Because, just then, Carter began bargaining for Jane again. Asking to borrow her, as if the CIA would just "question" her and give her back once their interview was over. Thankfully, though, Mayfair's initial response was clear and immediate.

"Go to hell," she fired at Carter's smug face.

"Do you really want to start a war with us now?" Carter threatened.

Weller watched as his boss reconsidered her options, his pulse hammering as he waited for someone to fire the first shot. He wasn't entirely sure why Mayfair had come to the scene but he was very glad she had, even if she wasn't defending Jane as fervently as he'd like. Because, despite the rage pulsating through him, Kurt was still able to recognize that shooting the Deputy Director of the CIA would have some dire consequences for everyone involved, especially the rest of his team. So, it was a good thing he wasn't in charge right then; not when murder was so close to his mind.

Yet, if Mayfair went through with the deal, things were going to get ugly.

He didn't know what he would do if she tried to hand Jane over to Tom Carter but he was certain it would end a relationship he held close to his heart. Mayfair wasn't just his boss - she was his mentor and confidant. But he couldn't think of anything that would convince him to let the CIA take Jane, even for a minute.

The standoff seemed to last ages, though it didn't actually take Mayfair long to come to a decision. Weller's jaw clenched as she told him to give Dodi to the CIA and he voiced his displeasure, even though he recognized it was the only choice that protected Jane and avoided a shootout. His team had done all the work in recapturing Dodi, risking their own lives. So of course it pissed him off to hand him over to an agency that shouldn't even be operating domestically.

Yet the fact remained that they were outnumbered and short on options. They had to give on something so Weller did as he was told; feeling disgusted as he let the CIA goons take the prisoner. But at least he wasn't homicidal, as he would have been if Mayfair had tired to let them have Jane.

Still, Weller seethed at letting Tom Carter have any power on US soil. Instead of letting the wheels of justice run its course, Dodi would end up in another black site, getting tortured into making false confessions. Then dumped in a nameless grave once he'd given up all the information they could extract.

Weller glared at the CIA team as they walked away, his heart rate finally starting to settle again. It was a strange thing, coming down from the physical high of being primed for death. He felt tight and loose at the same time; extremely relieved that Jane was safe, yet still furious at what had just occurred.

As they began to walk away from the scene Weller sidled up beside Jane and glanced his hand against her shoulder as they headed for the SUV. He noted that she was wire tight, which wasn't exactly surprising. She'd nearly been the spark to light a volatile situation and none of it was her fault.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, reluctantly letting his hand slide back down beside him as they separated from the rest of the team.

Jane flashed him a look that irradiated fire and fear. Yet she stayed silent for awhile longer, as her eyes returned to her feet.

She didn't answer for so long that Weller wondered if she'd chosen to ignore his question. But then he glanced over and got the sense that Jane was still processing how to reply. So they just walked quietly until, eventually, she exhaled audibly and looked up at him.

"Yeah," she finally said. "I was scared for a moment though."

Me too, Weller thought, before clamping down hard on that admission.

"Mayfair wouldn't do that," he replied gruffly.

"Anyways, I would never let her trade you to Carter."

Jane scoffed, but then softened her expression as she looked him in the eye.

"She's the boss, Weller. What were you going to do?"

Something drastic, he mused, frowning at the mere thought of it.

"I would have thought of something," he grumbled.

"I'm not going to let anyone take you again."

He knew he shouldn't put so much pressure on her, all his guilt about what happened. Yet it was also the absolute truth, something he would swear to.

Jane was giving him that look that killed him every time. Part beseeching and part gratitude, but still firmly backed with fierce determination.

"I know you won't," she said. "I trust you."

It was everything he needed to hear and nearly more than he could bear, so Weller chewed back his emotion and fought the urge to reach out and grab onto her. Balling up his hands into fists to resist the temptation, all he could do was stare at her in awe.

She trusted him to keep her safe and that was what he was going to do, no matter what it took. He was not going to have regrets this time around.

###

Weller insisted on driving her home, as if he were reluctant to let her out of his sight. But somehow his attentiveness didn't feel like pressure anymore, even though he was still looking at her the same way.

Warmth flared up Jane's spine as he led her from the office to the SUV, his hand hovering behind her back possessively. After everything that had happened that day, it felt good knowing she had someone she could rely on. Because there was something about Tom Carter that scared her, more than just his desire to interrogate her. And Mayfair hadn't exactly been reassuring when Jane thanked her for not trading her to the CIA.

The ride to the safe house was quiet, yet the air between them still felt charged. Jane thought back to dinner the previous night, how she'd panicked and run away. At the time, it had been overwhelming to realize how much she meant to him. As if his happiness rested on her being Taylor. But she was coming to understand that he meant just as much to her – that he was her anchor in a storm-filled life.

As Weller pulled up in front of her safe house, Jane was surprised that he parked the SUV while she was unbuckling herself. She was about to remind him that her detail was right in front of them and would sweep her place before she entered but stopped short when she saw the intensity of his blue eyes.

"I know you don't need me to," Weller said. "But I'm going to see you in."

Jane wondered what was spurring on his bout of protectiveness and suddenly recalled the memory that had been pulling at her the entire day. Being led down the stairs into a dingy basement full of frightened kids. The realization that bad things had happened to her there, an understanding she felt in the pit of her stomach.

The memory wasn't as vivid when she brought it back purposely, but Jane still flashed back to how hard it had hit her in the lab, how fast her heart had been beating when Kurt came out to steady her.

For a brief moment the panic threatened to return, as her brain cascaded through the day's events. She'd likely been abused as a child, experienced some horrible things. And she'd almost been traded to the CIA for a terrorist, to be tortured for information she didn't have.

As her heart rate rose, Jane found herself looking over at Weller's concerned expression and her nervous system immediately began to settle again, just from knowing he was there with her. So she didn't really argue about his decision to show her in, despite how unnecessary it was.

Weller waited for her detail to clear the place and then walked her inside, which made warmth flare all the way up her spine. Especially when she tried to deflect his concern by reminding him that it wasn't necessary and he stammered out an adorable reply.

"It's more for me than you. I just wanna check out the new place make sure it's okay.".

Weller paused slightly, as if he might stop there. But then the next words spilled out too, a little rushed and unsure.

"Make sure you're okay."

His sudden protectiveness was endearing but again Jane wondered what had brought it on so strongly. Maybe he hadn't been all that confident in Mayfair himself and had thought the boss might actually ship her off with Carter. Or maybe he was just asking because she'd nearly had an emotional breakdown earlier that day and had almost gone back to the same place in the SUV.

"I'm fine, I-I- was just a little…" she stammered, not quite finding the words to describe what had happened. Yet Jane was determined not to fall apart on him again -really didn't want him to worry about her.

"I'll be fine."

Weller nodded seriously, like he was still concerned.

"I'm sorry I lost it today," she added.

"It's okay, it happens," he replied kindly, like he really wasn't judging her for having a freak out on the job.

Weller started to head for the door then and Jane wondered if that was really all that he was going to say. Now that he was there, she didn't want him to leave. So when he turned back, her heart began to thump, even before his words started spilling out.

"You've been through so much," he said, his voice crackling with sadness. "And if I'm making this harder for you then just tell me. Cause that's the last thing that I want."

He paused, as if searching for words through a sea of emotion.

"All these expectations, I should never have put you in that situation."

Jane's chest was tight and everything felt constricted. But this time it wasn't an overwhelming pressure, like at dinner the night before. She wasn't worried about who she was and what she meant to him. Instead, her heart was seized by the hurt she could see in him.

Jane shook her head, trying to make him understand that wasn't what she meant, that she didn't blame him for the way he looked at her. She just didn't know what to do with all the emotions it brought out in her.

"Kurt," she interjected.

But Weller didn't stop, and Jane could see a lifetime of regret pouring through his expression as he struggled his way through an absolutely heart-breaking apology.

"I should never have let them take you. I'm … I'm sorry."

He had tears in his eyes and, for the first time she clearly saw the boy inside of her gruff FBI agent; the child full of self-blame who'd become this man that had never stopped searching. She'd glimpsed him before, but Weller had always thrown up his walls as soon as the hurt emerged. Now, though, it was all pouring out and she didn't know how to stop the pain flowing through him. Because it was clear that all of his guilt hadn't just dissipated when they got the DNA results.

"It wasn't your fault," Jane stated, as sure as she could be about anything. He'd been a child and she was certain little Kurt Weller would have been as diligent a babysitter as a ten-year-old could be.

"I've heard that, my whole life," Kurt replied, in a tone that told her he'd never once believed it.

"But you haven't heard it from me," she said, instinctively edging closer.

"You told me that Taylor was my starting point. I think you're wrong."

She hadn't intended for things to go in that direction but Weller was struggling in front of her and she had nothing but the truth to offer him. Jane reached out for his hand and placed it over her heart, the same way he'd steadied her earlier when she'd nearly lost it. He just looked stunned, his eyes searching for her in desperation.

Jane remembered how it had felt, sinking into the dark and then being thrown a lifeline. A physical connection with another person, someone she could hold onto.

"You. You're my starting point," she declared, knowing right then that she'd stated a fundamental fact. Taylor Shaw was just a name that her five-year-old self once had. Weller was where her connection to this world began, both now and then.

Having Kurt's hand on her chest and feeling his trauma surging through his skin was just as intense as pressing up against his heartbeat earlier that day. She could tell that he was barely keeping himself together and got a peek at his walls crumbling to the ground before Weller choked out a goodbye and ran out the door.

Jane stood there and watched him leave, her body still tense with emotion.

She wondered if she'd said too much; she still felt so new at everything. But then again, it had been the truth, the one thing she had to hang onto.

Just that morning, she'd told him that she didn't know how to be his lost girl; that the way he looked at her held too much expectation. But Jane was coming to realize that was how she looked at him too.

Somewhere along the way he'd also become everything to her.

[tinyshe]

It's not uncommon in our culture to use the "H" word frequently. We use it to describe our distaste for all things, from food to art and music—and most definitely politics. The line between love and hate, as most of already know, is dangerously thin. Rarely do we feel such compelling emotions for the mediocre. Surely in our mind's cavernous sorting system, the doors for love and hate are adjoining. And while these emotions share an incredibly important common denominator—intense passion—they drive us to do vastly different things. But with that line between the two so thin, is it possible to turn hate into love? Here are a few reasons worthy of giving it a try and some tips on how to do it:

1. Less hate is healthier

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famously said, "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." And he was right on from a health perspective, too. Studies have found being nicer can reduce stress while hate often exacerbates it. Stress is believed to be a huge factor in the development of illnesses ranging from insomnia and digestive disorders to cancer. And decreasing hate supports healthier mental states as well. Healthier bodies and minds make us ripe for healthier relationships, too, which can be rewarding on spiritual and physical levels as well.

2. Less hate could mean a longer life

Author David R. Hamilton, PhD says the brain's production of oxytocin (which happens through emotionally satisfying interactions) can also help to reduce the levels of free radicals and inflammation, which can help to slow aging. He also cites a connection between compassion and the vagus nerve, which controls inflammation in the body. A study conducted on Tibetan Buddhists found kindness and compassion reduced inflammation.

3. Love and kindness make us feel good

When we turn our hatred into love—or at least, kindness—our brain releases chemicals including dopamine, which can improve our mood. According to Hamilton, "On a biochemical level, it is believed that the good feeling we get is due to elevated levels of the brain's natural versions of morphine and heroin, which we know as endogenous opioids. They cause elevated levels of dopamine in the brain, so we get a natural high, often referred to as "Helper's High."

4. Kinder people are more successful

David Brooks wrote for the New York Times that people who are genuinely kind and compassionate are usually the most successful: "In pursuing our self-interested goals, we often have an incentive to repay kindness with kindness, so others will do us favors when we’re in need." And a study published in Psychology Todayfound children who performed acts of kindness "gained an average of 1.5 friends during the four-week period—good support for the idea that “nice guys finish first.”

5. Creativity and kindness go hand-in-hand

While maudlin and depressed may be the more common way we think of great poets, authors, musicians and artists, new research has found a connection between art and kindness. Research conducted by the Centre for the Study of Group Processes at the University of Kent, found that there is potential for the arts to "be at the heart of strengthening our capacity for empathy, friendship, social bonds and concern for others, including future generations."

Turning anger into loving kindness can seem easier said than done. But you can try some of these tips to help you transform hate into love:

1. Be in service

When we help others, we think less about ourselves and those things that frustrate us. And helping others makes us feel better, too.

2. Meditate

Gaining some quiet time for self-reflection can help to shed light on reasons we may be full of hatred and show ways to transmute it. Even just a few minutes a day can help.

3. Think of something (or someone) you love

It's believed that hate and love can't co-exist in your mind, so when you're feeling hatred, try thinking about who or what you love, like a family member, a pet, music, a special place...

4. Be present

Often, our hatred happens when we're in "unconscious" mode. We're letting triggers or memories from the past affect our current actions. By staying in the present moment and observing our feelings, we're more capable of dealing with them properly.

5. Do you really hate it?

Like being unconscious to our actions, a lot of our hatred of things can actually be based on an experience we had a long, long time ago. Maybe it's time to check in and see if you really do hate something as much as you think. I routinely "try" garlic just to be sure I still hate it (and I most definitely do not like it).

6. Find the love in the hate

It's a thin line between the two, right? And as it's often the case in marriages or relationships, we can both love someone and find them extremely irritating at the same time. Can you love the fact that you hate someone or something? Does that change the experience at all?

7. Receive more love

Sometimes our hatred can stem from our own lack of being loved. Spend more time with people who love you or volunteer at an animal shelter or sanctuary where animals easily give you lots of love, and see if that changes your perspective.

8. Evaluate your diet

What we eat profoundly affects every part of our being. Food sensitivities and allergies can certainly impact our moods. So can foods high in processed sugars and flours, as well as caffeine.

Keep in touch with Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

complete article here

[wisdomrays]

TAFAKKUR: Part 337

INTERPRETING DREAMS: Part 1

INTRODUCTION

Before giving information on dream interpretation, it is necessary to expound on the issues of sleep and dreams, because without knowing the essence of dreaming, no appropriate interpretation is possible.

What is dreaming? What constitutes its core? Is it the peculiar images seen during sleep, which is said to be like a temporary death? Why and how we dream is an unsolved mystery. Since the creation of humanity, philosophers and scholars have tried to explain dreaming, but none of them have demystified it completely. And so the subject continues to attract people's interest.

Some basics of dreaming are the following. A dream is a vast metaphysical world that is also related to the Hereafter. Feeling this relationship is possible if people undertake the necessary emotional cleanliness and spiritual purification practices. If they do not do so, they live in a state of unawareness and thus cannot understand the subtle realities presented in dreams.

The fact that many Qur'anic verses and Prophetic hadiths mention dreams means that Muslims should pay attention to them. The narration of the Prophets' dreams and their interpretations in the Qur'an, as well as Prophet Muhammad's statement that dreams are the doors to spirituality, indicate that they contain a crucial type of knowledge ('Ilm).

THE REALITY OF DREAMING

According to some scholars, the essence of dreaming consists of traces left on the shared sense (hiss-i mushterek) that descends from one's imagination. Philosophers assume that this shared sense is not one of the five basic senses.

In addition, people have a nafs-i natika a "spiritual intellect" that is the perception itself. This intellect perceives what is happening around it, but its preoccupation with bodily activities hinders it from reflecting upon knowledge related to the Unseen (ghayb).(2) During sleep, the burden of the five senses is lightened, which enables this spiritual intellect to receive ghayb-related knowledge from the metaphysical world. Then it turns to the body. Since it is located within the body, it becomes bound by corporeal things and can function only via bodily faculties. The spirit transmits what it perceives from its world to the faculty of the imagination, after which one's imagination describes and pictures this information in an appropriate manner and presents it to "the shared sense." The sleeping person feels as if he or she is actually seeing those things. This is a partial explanation of dreaming.

Now, let us dwell upon the matter of sleep during which dreaming takes place.

SLEEP AND DREAMS: A SCIENTIFIC APPROACH

It is generally believed that an adult needs an average of 8 hours of sleep a night. However, researchers point out that the need for sleep differs from person to person: babies need about 16 hours, while elderly people show a great variation from the average. In addition, some people dream frequently while sleeping; others wake up frequently.

The actual cause and function of sleeping is not understood completely. Allan Rachtschaffen, a sleep researcher at the University of Chicago, states that sleep has no active function for the body. Despite the reduction in muscular fatigue and weariness, the body does not actually need sleep to renovate itself for our cells can restore and mend themselves under any condition. According to recent research, the human body does not have to undergo this renovation process to be in a passive condition or a sleeping mode. Electroencephalograms (EEGs) administered during sleep detect no such passive activity in the brain. According to Dr. Evans, a psychologist at England's National Physics Laboratory, Computer Science Section, the main purpose of sleeping is to allow a person to dream.

Dr. William Dumont, a doctor at Stanford Medical Center, Sleep Disorders Clinic and Research Division, claims that dreaming is very important, for dreams help to maintain the body's physical balance.

Dr. Colin D. Hendrigh of Stanford University writes that all organs perform systematic movements and activities at different times and various rates, and to extents that are specific to them. These changes, which are the rhythms' highest and lowest levels, are different for every person. Physical activities reach their peak at midday and their lowest level at dawn.

Dr. Franz Halberg introduced the term circadian for changes that occur regularly on a 24-hour basis. Physical balance can be maintained by the rhythmic changes in accordance with time.

When the organs' rhythm is the most inadequate, we feel sleepy. The first period of sleep, the non-rapid eye movement (NREM) state, is the most tranquil state for the body. Breathing is regular and quiet, and EEGs show that all mental activities are normal and orderly. Snoring occurs in this period.

The active sleeping state is the rapid eye movement (REM] state. Here the body is steady, except for irregular facial muscle and fingertip movements. Breathing becomes irregular, which leads to a continual rhythmic oscillation between slow- and fast-paced breathing. There is no snoring in this state. Some researchers claim that the REM period is not a part of sleep, but rather a kind of epileptic fit. REM sleep usually lasts for 1.5 to 2 hours, and NREM and REM cycles range from 70 to 110 minutes. On the average, they are expected to last for 90 minutes.

People who are spiritually depressed feel relaxed as long as they are not in REM sleep, for this is the state in which dreaming usually occurs. Many people cannot avoid REM sleep, however, even if they take sedatives or soporifics designed to block it either partially or entirely.

The first REM period of sleep lasts for about 10 minutes. As the night passes, REM periods might last longer, sometimes even as long as an hour. We dream, regardless of this period's duration, but usually forget what we have dreamed when we wake up. (Researchers wake sleepers and ask whether they dreamed or not in order to record the dreams.)

During dreams, many details are removed from our memory. Usually we remember dreams consisting of nice and pleasant meanings and suggestions. If we were to recall all of our dreams, we would stay under their influence during the entire day and be unable to use our senses.

If there were no REM period, people would wake up for 10 or 20 minutes every 1 or 2 hours, instead of sleeping through the whole night. Experiments indicate that people deprived of REM sleep show psychological, spiritual, or bodily disorders. Other experiments show that when people deprived of REM sleep are given soporific drugs, they have longer REM periods. Ernest I. Hartman states that human beings need constant NREM periods with variable in-between REM periods. In other words, everybody has a constant period of NREM sleep, but REM periods vary from person to person.

"Long sleepers" are mainly those with demanding manual jobs or those who work long hours. If they do not sleep properly, they face problems in various aspects of their lives, are unhappy and constantly complaining, and have neurological problems. On the other hand, people with a romantic or artistic nature sleep to escape from society.

We cannot change our sleeping habits. If you cannot sleep for more than 6 hours, it just means that you only need that much sleep. The 8-hour average is just a generalization used in scientific circles, and thus is not supposed to apply to everybody.

[purplesurveys]

1032

survey by danceamydance

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Never have. I wasn’t present when my mom gave birth to my younger siblings and other than that there’s been no reason for me to be around for the birth of my other younger relatives.

What pattern does the closest tissue box have? I don’t have one in my room, but the one in our bathroom is brown. I think. I never actually checked even though I use it everyday lol.

Where did you lose your virginity, if you have? I truthfully didn’t really keep note of what counts as the first time because we had already been fooling around quite a bit. I’d guess either a hotel room or my room, or maybe hers. The one thing I can remember was that I was 18, so there’s that.

What color car(s) do your parents drive? We have two white cars and one teal. I still don’t know why my dad got a teal car when none of us in the family are into colored cars, but according to him getting the Vitara in white would’ve looked like an FX (a form of public transport here), so I’ve learned to make my peace with the teal car lol.

What are your views on getting rid of the penny? I can’t relate, because we don’t use pennies.

Which Asian country would you most like to visit? Aside from the ones I’ve already gone to, I’d love to take a trip to Thailand, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, and India.

Have you ever had a nosebleed? Nope. I fear the day I get one; I’m scared of blood haha.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Maybe around 30 minutes without any traffic. A realistic drive to Manila would take me anywhere between 1 to 1.5 hours.

Do you have bangs? Yep, and they’re starting to get pretty long as well so thanks for reminding me that I’ll have to trim them soon. I want to get rid of them already as I’ve had my fun with them, but NO ONE HAS SEEN ME WITH BANGS loooool so they are still staying. 

Are you a good driver? I wanna say I’ve been better through the years? Hahaha the consensus is that I drive a little crazy, but my friends still always pick me to drive them whenever we go somewhere because everyone apparently still finds me the safest driver to ride with despite my temper on the road. Having a tiny car, being bullied by bigger pickup trucks and SUV through the years has helped toughen me up.

Have you ever kissed someone underneath the mistletoe? No. My ex and I always celebrated Christmas separately, with our own families, so we never got the chance to do this.

Do you watch the Olympics on the television? No. It’s not really something that interests me.

What was the scariest experience of your life? The time I nearly crashed into a car that I didn’t realize was stopped in the middle of the road while I was going 80 kph, and having like 3 seconds to hit the brakes.

Do you have a Tumblr account? I mean...

Are your nails painted right now? What color? Nope.

Have you ever played truth or dare? Several times, though I always pick truth because I’ve never had a problem saying it. I also hate picking dares because my friends would usually make us do dumb things, like dance, or worse, make out with someone in the circle.

How long is your driveway? Not very.

Are there any tv shows you keep up with religiously? Mmm it used to be The Crown, but I probably won’t be watching it for a while despite the new season because 1) I used to watch it when my past relationship had still been smooth-sailing, so watching it would just remind me of that; and 2) Gabie loves the shit out of Gillian Anderson and she was brought in for season 4 lol. 

Right now my focus is on a new Korean drama called Start-Up, which is currently ongoing and is so fucking good. Nam Joo Hyuk is also there, so it’s a sweet bonus for me <3

What is your favorite iPhone app? I’m using YouTube the most these days, so it may as well be my favorite.

Where is your mother right now? She’s at work.

Do you know anybody named Carl? I don’t think so. The only person that came to mind is an uncle named Carlo who I haven’t seen in more than a decade. My dad’s college group used to be super tight-knit and I used to be friends with his friends’ kids, so it’s sad to see them kinda grow apart and notice the others be more reclusive over the years.

Are you more of a night owl or a morning person? Morning person. Ugh, work is changing me as a person haha.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House has taken the top spot again. It’s just too goddamn good of a song.

Do you have a weak stomach? Very. I’m awful with car rides, bungee jumping, fair rides, you name it.

Have you ever been to a party where people were drinking underage? Hmm, yes. Kaira’s 18th birthday – it was held in May but most of the people at her party weren’t going to turn 18 until the end of the year, so it was a lot of 16 and 17 year olds drinking. I had just turned 18 then, so I allowed myself to take my first sip of a margarita.

How many stores are in the mall closest to you? Malls here are generally packed compared to what people may have in the US or other countries, so even though our local mall isn’t anything notable, it still holds 200+ stores.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes, but they’re all outside of family. My mom’s side is very weird about cancer and never share information about family members who may have it and only ever refer to it as ‘the c word,’ so I may have more relatives who have cancer than what is made known to us.

How far away is the closest McDonald’s to you? We have one literally right beside the main entrance of our village but because our house is at the very end of the village, what should be just a couple of steps away is instead a 10-minute drive for me.

Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? Yeah I’ve done that with a few people in the wrestling circle. Jila I met unexpectedly while we were both in line for the WWE house show in Manila in 2016; Javi I met when I lent him my Chris Jericho memoir; and Rafie was the one who gave me a free ticket to said WWE show. Rafie’s a local celebrity now and he has such a huge following, so as weird as it is I’m also glad I have that little memory with him before he blew up.

What was the last film you watched? That Thing Called Tadhana, but I was unable to finish it. I’m into TV shows these days and I’ve been all over Start-Up.

Does it snow where you live? Never has.

Have you ever been to an art gallery? Of course, I’m a sucker for those. I always go to one whenever I can; there are a lot of malls here that’ll randomly have pop-up art exhibits, so art galleries here actually aren’t limited to just museums.

What are your neighbours like? A lot of them have kids, that much I know because a lot of them play outside in the afternoon and make some noise. We all keep to each other, though, so I don’t know any more about them; the only time we get together is when the neighborhood organizes its own Christmas party for the community.

Do you visit your town’s library often? I would if we have one, but public libraries are not a thing here. If you needed to go to a library to find a book, you would have to go to a university.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? This just gave me college flashbacks haha. Of course I have, and the most notable people for me are JM, Andrew, and Angela.

What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? It’s a red bean ice cream sandwich that also has a bit of vanilla ice cream in it.

Can you do a cartwheel? No but I definitely tried a thousand times as a kid.

Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone? Can I do video calls instead? I haven’t done phone calls in a while. The last people I was on a call with were Ysa and Bea.

^ What did you talk about? Secret work stuff.

Which website do you spend the most time on? YouTube, Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter.

Have you ever kissed someone of a different race? I haven’t.

What can you smell right now? My coffee chocolate chip cookie.

Do you read fanfiction? If so, what fandoms? I haven’t checked on my favorite authors since college, mostly because they went MIA at some point and moved on to different fandoms as well. But when I did, I mostly read ones for AJ/Punk and HHH/Steph.

What accent is your favorite? Man this question is asked a lot...

How did/will you celebrate your birthday this year? Gab gave me a cute digital present, I think I may have spent the whole day playing the Switch, and Hans and Angela sent over a box of sushi for me.

Are you more introverted or extroverted? I’m both depending on the people I’m with. If I’m with a crowd I don’t know all that much, I turn my volume down.

Do you tend to repeat yourself all the time? Yeah. I got it from my mom, who unconsciously repeats stories all the time.

How was the last chicken you ate cooked? Fried.

Is there anybody you always find yourself thinking about? Yes, but it has gotten easier to manage/ignore altogether these days.

What was your last argument about? Haven’t argued with anyone in a hot minute. It was probably my mom as always, but I no longer remember what it could have been about.

Are/were you part of any extracurricular activities in school? I had clubs in high school since it was mandatory. In college, I was in yearbook and a journalism org.

Do you want to get married someday? I don’t know about that anymore.

What colors are on your country’s national flag? Blue, red, yellow, and white.

Would you go back to your ex if he/she asked you? I’m pretty stupid when it comes to this, so yes.

[that-70s-page]

Fluff request

Roger Taylor x Reader

Warnings: None! Wholesome fluff for all ages ♥️

Words: ~1.5 

I got carried away, my apologies ;)

Prompts:

3: It’s too early to get out of bed

11: I wish I could kiss you all day

A/N: I was listening to really loud music while writing this so it might be incoherent blabbering, but enjoy the clingy Rog fluff! ♥️

“Rog love, move your arm, your trapping me,” you groan into your pillow, squinting slightly against the pale morning light that filters through the half-drawn blinds of his bedroom window.

He grunts and makes no effort to move, instead curling his arm around your waist even tighter. You sigh and turn your head to glance at the clock on his bedside table, the second hand ticking slowly to the right, making soft clicks that break the relaxed silence that fills Roger’s small bedroom.

The clock reads 6:24 am, and you stifle a moan of protest at having to get up so early. The boys have a flight to catch at 8:30, and the drive to the airport usually takes about an hour and a half, so you and Roger are already behind schedule.

“Shit,” you mutter, throwing off the thick quilt that has you trapped to the bed.

“Roger, hon, you need to get up, we’re going to be late.”

No response.

“Roger, c’mon. Up and at ‘em, we needed to leave twenty minutes ago.”

Still nothing.

“Roger Taylor, wake up this instant, or I’ll smother you with your own bloody pillow.”

“That would be hot,” comes a muted reply, earning an exasperated snort from you as you roughly pull the pillow from underneath his head.

He whines in objection but you ignore him, pulling the quilt down the rest of the way and exposing his almost naked form, sprawled across the bed with one arm still draped over your midsection.

He curls his legs up against his chest to try and salvage some of the warmth from the thick covers, and you tug his arm off of your stomach, freeing yourself from his tight grasp. You clamber over to his side of the bed until you are on top of him, placing your arms on either side of his head to hold yourself up, and frown disapprovingly down at him.

“Roger. Wake up.”

“Mmm.”

“Now.”

“Jus’ a bit longer, love. We’ll be fine.”

“We will not, the flight leaves in less than two hours, and we still need to get ready. Now move your ass, or I’ll do it for you.”

“It’s too early to get out of bed,” he murmurs, voice barely audible due to the fact that he is laying practically face first on the mattress.

You lean down until your eyelashes brush against his cheek, and you begin to blink rapidly in attempt to tickle him awake. He smiles against the sheets and opens his eyes, turning his face towards yours.

“G’morning, darling. Do you have any idea how incredible your hair looks right now?” he teases, knowing how much you hate your bedhead. 

You scoff and sit back on your ankles, pulling away from his outstretched arms as he attempts to gather you into a warm hug.

“Hey, come back!” he complains, his voice raspy and soft from sleep, and you can’t resist his needy pleas.

You lean forwards again, lips fluttering into a smile as you brush them against his cheek, laying down on his bare chest.

“Lovie, we really do need to go.”

“Not until I get a kiss.”

“Alright, but only if you promise to get out of bed and put some clothes on. We can brush teeth and organize our kits at the hotel, m’kay?” you suggest, brushing a clump of blond hair out of his eyes.

“I can work with that,” he replies, leaning in to trap your lips in a soft but eager kiss, his breath warm against your face.

You return the kiss and you feel him sigh contently against your lips, his large eyes fluttering shut and his hands wrapping around your waist. His thumbs rub slow, methodical circles against your hip bones in perfect time with the small clock beside you that is telling you with each passing minute to get out of bed. 

But who would want to disrupt such a perfect moment? It’s as though the two of you are trapped in your own little bubble of contentedness, and no one could ever break you apart. You pull away from the kiss right before Roger has the chance to deepen it, and he whines softly at the loss of contact, leaning his head up to try and coax you back towards his lips.

You give him a knowing smile and put a finger over his lips to stop him, causing Roger to squint his eyes in reproach. 

“One kiss. Now you get dressed,” you remind him, easing yourself off of his torso and onto the carpeted floor of his bedroom.

He huffs a complaint but rolls out of bed with a long yawn and shuffles to the closet to find a shirt. You slip into a comfortable dress and make your way to the bathroom to run a brush through your hair, frowning at your disheveled appearance when it greets you in the dull mirror.

Roger’s foggy outline appears behind you in the mirror, and you smile at his equally scruffy appearance, though much more flattering than your own. His hair sticks up in tufts, but he pulls it off almost effortlessly, looking as though he spent hours teasing and styling it instead of simply waking up. 

He has put on a flowery orange button up and black flared jeans, and it reminds you of the time the band spent at Ridge Farm, when Roger would wear that shirt frequently. 

He wraps his arms around you from behind and tucks his nose in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent as you continue trying to tame your messy hair. 

He begins to kiss your neck and shoulders, which is thoroughly distracting your efforts at detangling your hair and you attempt to squirm away from him, but he holds you tightly by the waist, fingers pressing delicately but firmly into your hip bones as he continues his ministrations.

“Rog, it’s incredibly difficult to get anything done with another person attached to you.”

“Mmm, sorry love, couldn’t help it,” he responds, lips twitching into a smirk against the skin above your collarbone.

“Let go for just a minute, then I’m all yours,” you smile fondly at him through the mirror, smoothing the rest of your hair out with your hands.

Roger buries his head into the back of your hair and you let out an exasperated sigh, giving up any hopes of keeping it neat.

“You’re always mine. Always will be.”

“That’s sweet, love, and as much as I want to stay here and be with you all day, Fred will bloody kill us both if you’re late.”

Roger pouts and finally loosens his grip on your waist, although he keeps his head planted firmly on your shoulder, and you give his arm a reassuring squeeze.

He brings a hand up to your face and gently tilts it towards his own, leaning forwards to capture your lips into another kiss, this one more needy and passionate than the first. You turn your body around so that you are facing him, never breaking contact, and kiss him back fiercely, all concerns about reaching the airport lost amongst the searing feeling of his lips on yours.

It never gets old with Roger; the kisses never become meaningless, his embrace never loses its appeal, the moments never cease to be full of wonder and that spinning, stomach-flipping, world-turning effect he has on you never shows any signs of slowing or stopping.

You open your mouth to allow Roger to slip his tongue past your teeth, melting under his touch, and you feel his breathing start to increase with each motion of your lips. You tap his chest lightly and pull away, your nose brushing against his as he stares down at you in confusion, irises blown wide with lust.

“I could kiss you all day,” he breathes, eyelids fluttering as he gazes down at you with a look of complete adoration.

You return his affectionate stare for a few moments before breaking away and stepping out of his reach, making sure that he can't distract you with another flurry of kisses. 

“But then we'd never make it to the airport,” you respond, voice slightly unsteady from trying to regain your composure.

“That’s the point, lovie,” he whispers, puffy pink lips curling into a gentle smile.

“Roger, I love you, but we need to leave now. As your responsible girlfriend, I’m in charge of getting you where you need to be on time, and you kissing me is making me do a right shit job.”

“Alright, fine, I’ll try to keep my hands off of you until we reach the hotel,” he gives you a mock look of disappointment, but his eyes twinkle with warmth.

“Thank you, I’m sure you’ll be able to manage five hours without me,” you smirk, grabbing your coat and bag from beside the door.

“Right, I’ll just have to make up for all the lost time tonight,” he smirks back, pinching your hip suggestively as he glides past you to pick up the other luggage.

You blush at the thought, and pray to yourself that the flight goes smoothly and you reach the hotel with time to spare so you and Roger can finally have some time alone.

Hope you liked it, @roger-taylors-drums <3

[collapsingintojupiter]

Sunshine and Storm Clouds - Chapter 11

Catch up:

Chapter 1  Chapter 1.5  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10

___

And look at who’s back again, back again. 

And with a new, actual episode? Whoah.

Characters: Roman, Logan, Virgil, Patton

Relationships: Just the usual Analogical.

Warnings: Not for this one, folks.

___

The door opened.

“Hi, Mr. Sanders.” Logan offered Roman a small smile and stepped back, allowing the boy to come in.

“And how are you today, Roman?”

“A little stressed, but other than that pretty good.” Logan raised an eyebrow at the teen’s response.

“May I ask what’s stressing you?” he asked. Roman ran a hand through his hair, something Logan noticed he tended to do when he was nervous.

“I’m kinda ah…struggling. In, um, Chemistry…it’s just kinda hard and...and I guess I don’t understand it much,” Roman offered after a bit of a hesitation, keeping his gaze locked firmly on his shoes. Logan blinked in confusion—was Roman embarrassed?

“Needing help to understand a concept is nothing shameful, Roman,” he said, and the teen glanced up in surprise at his reaction.

“You...you don’t think…?”

“No, Logan said firmly. Perhaps…” he frowned. “Perhaps I could help you, Roman. That is, if you are willing. If you wish, you could stay a little later tonight after I return, and I will go over your homework with you.” Roman’s eyes immediately lit up at the offer, and he nodded vigorously. 

“Wow, really?” he asked. “That...that would be great, actually.”

“Very well, consider it a deal, then.” Logan allowed himself to give Roman a small smile, before he turned and retreated to the living room. There, Virgil was playing with Patton on the carpet, the two looking as happy as you ever saw them. Patton was currently attempting to stack up his blocks, while Virgil gently helped him. The father glanced up when Roman came in behind Logan, nodding to them both.

“Don’t worry, Logan had to help me with Chem too,” he said. Roman blinked, startled by the statement, then found himself nodding—he shouldn’t have been surprised that Virgil had been listening in. He seemed to do that a lot, oftentimes without meaning too.

“Did you pass it?” he asked.

“Thanks to Logan I did.” Logan let out a huff at Virgil’s reply.

“You understood the concepts fairly well, the teacher you had merely failed to explain them to you properly. That’s not your fault,” he said, sounding more than a little irritated at the memory.

“Logan, relax, I’m not upset at all. That was a long time ago, remember?” Logan sighed, but nodded his agreement nonetheless. 

“You are right. I…” He looked at Roman, then Virgil. “We...we should get going, Virgil.”

“Yeah yeah, alright…” Virgil pressed a gentle kiss to Patton’s forehead before standing up, helping the little one to his feet as he did so. “I’ll see you later, okay buddy?”

“Bye-bye Papa!” Patton called, waving his little hands at Virgil as he left, and Roman sat down next to him in his place. He’d always been good about being left with Roman--though he’d heard he was the only one, as the little boy would scream and fight for his life if his dads tried leaving him with anyone else.

“Virgil and I hopefully shouldn’t be long,” Logan explained to him from the doorway. “So I can likely spend as much time as you need on that Chemistry homework of yours when I return.” Roman nodded, and gave him a thumbs-up.

“Thank you, sir,” he called gratefully. Logan gave him a curt nod, and then he and Virgil were gone.

---

Roman spent some time with Patton and his blocks, helping the little boy stack them up and laughing with him when he knocked them all down again. The days had been colder and Roman no longer spent much time with Patton outside, opting for the warmer indoors instead. Patton was a bit too wiggly for him still—he hadn’t quite yet mastered the art of getting the little boy into his jacket and boots for their little ventures outside, and Patton often got fussier when he was cold anyways. Just like his father, Logan often said with a laugh at Virgil.

When Patton no longer found interest in his blocks Roman led him to the couch, where he read to him until he fell asleep. He gently pulled a blanket over the little boy, smiled, then straightened himself and went over to his backpack. From it, he pulled out a smaller bag, returning to the couch with it and sitting down. 

Roman opened the bag once he was seated, pulling from it two bottles of nail polish--one red, one gold. He’d picked up a few things that he could do while Patton was sleeping (something he did a lot)—though homework usually took up most of that time. And a little while ago, he’d accidentally discovered that he had a knack for painting nails, and that he enjoyed it too, much more than he’d expected, and much more than his mother thought he should. Recently, he’d managed to save up enough to buy a few colors of his own, after some of the girls at school had let him borrow theirs in exchange for painting their nails for them.

Roman sat back, starting off with his right hand. He painted the first nail carefully, expertly swirling the gold and red together before holding his hand back to admire his work. He nodded to himself, satisfied with the design, then finished off the rest of his fingers so that they all matched. When that hand was done he moved onto his left hand, carefully painting it so that it was almost perfectly identical to the first. Once he was done Roman leaned back against the couch, where he kept his hands still until Patton stirred and started to wake up.

Well, they’d better be dry now, he thought to himself, going to where Patton had now dumped his blanket on the floor and was looking up at him. The little boy held his arms out and Roman picked him up with a smile, poking his shoulder gently with one finger. 

“Look who’s awake, sleepyhead,” he asked with a gentle smile. Patton babbled and grabbed Roman’s shirt in his hands, playing with his as he brought him into the kitchen and carefully sat him down on a chair. Roman went to the fridge and brought back a plate of apple slices Virgil had left for him in there, which Patton ate happily. 

Roman sat next to him while he ate, and when he was finished with his snack Patton grabbed his hand. He looked at his colored nails and started playing with his fingers, cooing and babbling at the pretty colors painted there.

“Oh you like that, huh?” Roman asked, grinning.

“Pwetty!” Patton proclaimed.

“Well thank you Patton, that’s very nice of you.” Roman glanced at where his bag was still lying on the coffee table in the living room, then back at Patton. “You know…if you wouldn’t mind holding still for a while, I bet I could paint a few of your nails too. Maybe just one, and see how you like it? I could get a fan so it dries quicker…hmm…” Roman got up after a few moments of contemplation, quickly retrieving the bag and sitting down next to Patton again.

“Here, can I see your hand?” he asked gently. Patton let him take one of his tiny hands in his, and he carefully applied a layer of pale blue paint to his index finger before blowing it dry. “There, see? Now you have a pretty finger just like me!” Patton looked at it with round eyes, hesitantly poking at it with his other finger. When the paint didn’t come off he squealed happily, then slapped his hand down in front of Roman again.

“Mo! Mo!” he cried. Roman got the message, and did his best to paint the rest of Patton’s nails as much as the wiggly toddler would allow. Then, when he was done, he added a tiny grey cat face to his index finger. Patton tried to touch that one right away, but Roman gently held his other hand back.

“We gotta be careful with it bud,” he explained to the little boy. “Don’t touch it yet, okay?” Patton looked at him, and Roman soon found himself distracting him from his messy pursuit with his own nails again. The toddler was all too happy to stop what he was doing in order to stare at Roman’s glittery gold nails in awe, and he managed to hold his attention just long enough to let Patton’s nails dry.

“Well, we only did one hand, but I’d say that’s a pretty good job,” Roman said as Patton poked his finger again, the dry paint holding in place this time. “Whaddya say, Sunshine?”

Patton squealed and clapped his hands in approval.

---

Roman found himself swallowing down nervous butterflies when Patton’s dads came back later that evening; he realized at the last minute that perhaps he should’ve asked before painting Patton’s nails, and that Logan and Virgil might not like what he’d done to them. After all, his mother certainly hadn’t approve, though Roman had to admit even to his anxiety that that was a poor comparison to make.

“Hello Roman,” Logan said as he and Virgil entered, then frowned when he saw the expression on the teen’s face. “You seem to be upset about something...is everything alright?”

“Um, yeah, everything’s fine, it’s just, ah—” Roman stopped himself and handed Patton to them, who immediately shoved his painted nails in Virgil’s face. “I um, I painted Patton’s nails,” he tried to explain. “I hope that’s okay, um, I did mine too…”

“Can I see them?” Virgil interrupted, turning to him. Roman blinked in surprise, then slowly nodded and held up his hands for the purple-clad father to see. Virgil looked over them for a moment, handed Patton to Logan before slapping his hands down on the counter.

“Can you do mine too?” he asked.

What!?

Roman stared at Virgil in shock; surely this was the last thing he’d expected from the quieter, much grumpier of the fathers, and yet here he was, asking him to paint his nails?

He had to be dreaming.

“You want me…to paint your nails?” Roman repeated.

“If you’re okay with that, yeah, I’d love that.” The teens’ jaw dropped in shock.

“Uh…uh yeah, sure! One minute!” he ran to the table and grabbed his little bag of polish and supplies, then sprinted back to the counter where Virgil was and pulled up a stool. He already had an idea for what to do with Virgil—especially because it would be a lot easier to ask him to hold still than Patton.

Roman pulled out several shades of purple and black, setting them out in front of Virgil and getting to work. On each index finger he started out with a layer of black, before carefully applying stripes to it to make a patchwork design that matched his jacket. The next nail received a layer of black, followed by a tiny white skull in the center. His ring fingers each were painted dark purple, topped off by a tiny storm cloud complete with a lightning bolt in white. The pinky was left a plain black, and his thumbs were each colored purple with a tiny cat on one and a tie on the other--Patton and Logan. 

Roman stepped back from his work once he’d finished it to his liking, nodding at Virgil’s hands in satisfaction. He slowly picked up his hands, looking over each nail and admiring Roman’s work.

“This is…incredible…” Virgil said after a moment, shaking his head in amazement. “I especially...love what you did to symbolize my husband and my son...You’re very talented, Roman. Thank you.”

“Indeed he is,” Logan agreed, and Roman thought he might burst with happiness between the two fathers’ compliments.

“Ha, wait until Remy sees this!” Virgil laughed, holding his hand up for Patton to see. “He’s gonna be so jealous!” Logan chuckled in agreement, then shook his head.

“Alright, how about we start on that Chemistry now, shall we?”

[indieks]

Two Nights, One Da(y)te 🌒 Lee Jooheon | ½

🔥 Pairing : Lee Jooheon x Reader

🔥 Genre : Soulmate!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive (light)

🔥 Word count : 24k omg

🔥 Synopsis : He should have been just another Tinder match you would have swiped off your life just like you swiped your thumb on your screen that night, hadn’t it been for the deep connection that bonds you to him. He is your soulmate, you are a girl he can’t help but get attracted to. You are seeking for the perfect relationship, he is trying to stay away from love. Would the few times you come across each other be enough for your opposite hearts to face the same direction?

Part 1 /\ Part 1.5 /\ Part 2

🔥 A/N : Aaaand here is Part 1! Took a longer time to write than I thought, but I think I was especially hard on myself as some real-life events are involved, so it was difficult to be satisfied ! And what a good idea to have chosen my ultimate bias to make the task even harder…

I encountered a few problems while uploading this part yesterday (seems like it didn’t appear on my page nor in the hashtags), so here am I deleting and reuploading it... Hope you can read it without any difficulties!

I hope you’ll enjoy this, thank you so much in advance and I love every single one of you who brings me joy just by ever reading it! Every comment, good or bad, is always welcomed, I love your feedback! ♥

            “Your fate is in your hands”, they say.

A common, popular phrase that had turned into some kind of trendy expression slipping through countless of mouths all around the world, and meant to be a blessing when it was pronounced along with that dreamy smile only them could have. But to your ears, it sounded like a curse every time someone would dare to throw it at you, tarnishing the river of care and kindness their enamored selves wished to bid you goodbye with.

They said you could feel a burning sensation in the palm of your left hand, as if lava had taken the place of your blood, the moment you came across him or her for the first time, your fleshes having accidentally brushed each other, or your eyes having met even in the middle of a packed crowd.

They talked about how they had been consumed in some kind of bliss for a split-second, feeling shivers covering their bodies as a hot wave had crashed over them, the fire within their hand eating them at once ; feeling numb but so alive at the same time ; feeling butterflies flap their wings inside the pit of their stomachs while their hearts had skipped a long beat ; feeling desired and desiring with a hunger they weren’t able to put into words.

They insisted that it definitely felt different from having a crush on someone or falling in love purely and simply, or from trying something with someone that was only “compatible” with you. Because they affirmed that in the end, if you both would get along together and share happy moments, he or she would never be the one, the ideal, the best for you.

Some called them the “Crossed-Liners”, while others summed it in the simpler yet inexact term “Soulmates”. According to some rule from above, every single being on this Earth had an ideal type they would perfectly match with, a destined partner that suited you in every single way. Depending on parameters that were still left unexplained, there was then one boy or girl who was meant for you and you only, to fit everything that was lacking in your life, a peculiar human breathing the same air, treading the same ground as you, hiding somewhere.

However, that crossed-line thing had seemingly decided to impact one’s love life to its fullest, as not only it picked a precise somebody for you and determined that your fate would be linked to him or her ; it also gauged your chances of finding happiness with somebody else than your “ideal”, if you ever chose to believe in your own personal feelings instead of what was outstripping you.

The sign was simple yet mystifying, because its meaning was so powerful that it always made people weak in the knees every time it appeared. When you happened to encounter the ideal one, your life-line in the palm of your hand would lighten up in a bright red color ; but when you only came across someone that could fit you in some way but not all the criteria for him or her to bring the overjoy and transporting sensations your soulmate would, your heart-line was the one to sparkle this time.

In other words : the prophecy was definitely telling you that choosing your soulmate was the best choice you could ever make, as your whole life was linked to him ; however, if you ever turned to a compatible person, it was due to a choice of your heart, yes, but probably not the best for your destiny that could always be brighter.

Thus, as every soulmate was defined by an individual’s characteristics, people weren’t necessarily their ideal’s own one and only, even if they were at least compatible with them. This law’s double faucet was then revealing of one’s true nature : either they would sacrifice their quest of finding the one for them because they were the one for someone else and felt something special for them anyway ; either he or she would leave to seek their own perfect happiness, a selfishness that could be as understandable as disgusting.

You couldn’t quite depict if you were supposed to see the prophecy as some kind of super-dating-agency, helping the desperate people who weren’t as lucky as the fate-linked couples who had found each other, by still letting them know that a few guys or girls out there would be good enough for them even if they weren’t the right partner ; or, if you had to admit that those lost lovers were probably getting laughed at by the alternative, as if they were trying to write their own fate and pursue their genuine feelings, they couldn’t help but get reminded that they would never know the ecstatic moments the lucky ones would have, by having a greater probability of breaking up, by watching television going crazy about it, by hearing the soulmate’s stories that somehow dimmed the magic of their own which were simpler, but still special to them.

You were one of those “not caring” individuals ; well, most exactly, wounded and tired of individuals. The reason was that, since a while ago, you definitely felt like you had been cursed by the laws of nature, as if they had complotted against you and struck you with a thunderbolt of misfortune on the day you were born.

In that calculated world every being was growing, looked over by a favoring sky and with flowers spreading under their feet as they walked towards their bright future, hand in hand with their significant other, your little part of universe had always managed to seem gloomy and slippery, at least every time you stepped into a relationship.

You had hooked up with a few guys without ever getting to see your life-line shine and burn you with pleasure and pain, only your heart-line shimmering weakly, telling you your future with this one or that one would probably be great, yet not more astonishing than any other. Still, you had chosen not to care, and to love to the fullest, trusting the power of feelings more than any supernatural force up there.

Nevertheless, you got caught up by your sincerity and your devotion, as all your exes trampled over your bloody organ, would it be because you had just been the temporary consolation they had been needing before throwing themselves into the quest once again, or because they couldn’t reflect the intensity of your feelings, using the excuse that the compatibility was not enough to cut through the life course, which had then whispered to them to part ways at some point.

All those small adventures and heartbreaks had pushed your lonely steps down the path of the “not-caring-anymore” girl, your attention centered on your personal development and the everyday pleasures of life ; yet deep down you knew, that you still were strongly – or desperately – waiting for your ideal to show up, as deception after deception, you were starting to lose your faith in love, and were getting worn out.

But as you were finding your way back home after a night-out with your colleagues, your lips were finally wearing that famous dreamy smile ; because you just had been proven that everything’s worth the wait.

Maybe your fate is in your hands, Y/N.

              * * *

        It was another one of those evenings where you had all been supposed to just drink a little something at some nice little bar in hopes to soothe your tiring day at work, but after one glass had come another, then numerous ones. And as usual, when your cheeks started to burn like some pinkish and crackling ember, you came to the fantastic decision to stumble down the streets together instead of going home, again. Finally, after a few minutes of wandering without any specific direction guiding your cloudy minds, you “accidentally” ended up queuing for then dancing in a random club – again.

This scheme had almost become a bad habit, even if the next day you kept telling yourselves, as you all met to empty the coffee machine so that its black and energizing liquid would help scatter your hangover and your sleepiness, that there would be no next time. 

However, as any profession must involve in its own way and degree, you often felt stressed from the moment you landed your feet in the company, your brains already fuming as you had to keep on finding exciting and original ideas to satisfy your boss and clients ; and somehow, at some point, cocktails and loud music had become the finger-snap to lighten the weight on your shoulders.

The company you were working for was one of the best events’ organizer in the city, solicited every single month to settle private parties, workshops, festivals, exhibitions, new products’ launchings for famous brands, and other big events that needed imaginative activities as well as fancy places to be remembered.

And you, were one of the creatives of the team. Majoring in special event management and communication, you always had had an artistic feeling springing inside of you and that helped you developing settings in your mind that were later praised in real life as you let them out. This 6-month long internship you had signed for was then the very last step before you could say goodbye to your student life, and finally live of your passion.

You were only at the half of it, but the unceasing flow of ideas you were pouring at every meeting after having worked on them even at nighttime once you were back home, had seized the attention and gained the trust of your Project Manager, who had then decided to hand you the full creation of the next event your team would be asked for.

And this very demand had arrived sooner than you had expected, as in late October, you received the great honor to be the event organizer for the National Federation of Football. They requested you to prepare a fancy and chic venue for the players from the most famous men’s clubs around the country that were going to come, in order to celebrate together the new sponsorships they would be the representatives of, was it sneakers, new teams’ shirt’s designs, or new products for their hair so that they would be at their most handsome selves on the field.

Some top brands’ directors or representatives were also going to show up, and you immediately had imagined all the paparazzi, tailored suits and resplendent dresses that you were going to watch parade under your two eyes, while you would be busy checking if everyone was eating and drinking well but also enjoying the few activities you would have prepared.

And surprisingly, despite the consequent amount of pressure and stress that had loaded on your shoulders the second your manager had passed you the direction of this huge project, you had been able to picture every single thing the gala would be composed of, from the arrangement of the buffet, to the photo corner, to the musicians, to the decorations, and thankfully, all your teammates had followed your ideas and instructions unflinchingly, nearly being the most enthusiastic you had known them.

That’s why you had been out drinking with your internship peers and closest managers at first, to celebrate the very last preparations and fixings of the remaining details you had finished during the day, the event actually taking place in less than 24 hours from now.

“I really do think that barman’s been looking at you all night long” one of your friends, Jiwoo, insisted as you walked out of the club, your hurting heels clinking against the pavement.

“Nooooo, he wasn’t” you denied with your eyes leaving your phone’s screen to roll up and a sigh flying over your voice.

“What do you mean “he wasn’t”?! You told me your hand was shining! He’s your ideal, you fool!”

The word gave you the chills as the curve of your lips curled up into a smile, but you quickly ushered her to be quiet. Your eyes did meet, your left hand did burn, but your mind refused to admit it as it was too good to be true.

“I’m sure he would have been happy to celebrate with you tonight, moaning CONGRATS BEAUTYYYY!” she still growled, and you nudged her this time with a chuckle. “You know that having sex with your ideal goes beyond ecstasy, like seeing stars behind your eyelids is nothing compared to that?”

“CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST EVENT Y/NNNN!” a male colleague shouted at the back as he had overheard a few words of your discussion, thankfully not the grosser ones that made you clench your hand over your friend’s mouth who was now laughing.

You were exhausted, your legs almost giving up on you, yet that was hinting at the great night you had just spent with them. But mostly, you knew that your whole body felt like jelly because you had finally been struck with that intense and crippling sensation people had been gossiping about.

          A few moments before.

 You were sitting at the table your colleagues had paid for, dividing the price between them as they excluded you – their reward for your hard work. Your eyes were scanning the crowd of sweating bodies, most of the girls wearing the fanciest outfits you had seen in your life, and boys trying to follow the rhythm with their heads, their hands busy holding their cups or grasped around each other’s shoulders – or their prey’s ones.

And suddenly, like a brilliant but lost star in the middle of that deep and somber galaxy the club impersonated as its darkness absorbed the dancing forms around you, he shined, his light piercing its way through your field of view, making you see him and him only. He was standing behind the bar facing you on the right, his brows furrowed as he worked on some cocktail someone had just asked him by screaming over the loud music. Your eyes had accidentally met for a split-second, but it had been enough to cast the spell on you.

Instinctively, you stood up to have a better sight of his traits, and without permission being asked, your feet transported you through the mass on the dancefloor, and closer to him. It was as if you were being dragged towards his silhouette by some uncontrollable force, totally hypnotized, your body as light and swift as a feather slipping between people without any difficulty, and the more you were approaching the bar, the less you could hear anything else but his nosy voice that repeatedly asked : “What do you drink?”

Your heartbeat missed that famous long beat, while you hissed instead of breathing in normally. You probably looked like some kind of drunk girl with her mind having been sucked up into some kind of black hole, as you stood there, only a few meters away from him, eyes wide open and tinted lips a little bit agape. Was it true? Was this really happening to you?

You lowered your head so that you could finally look for it, the very sign that could confirm you he indeed was doing something to you that depended on the law above you, or instead would tell you by its eventual non-existence that you were just way too drunk by now and that you were only crushing really really bad over some random guy.

No, it couldn’t be, you definitely felt different, but not the alcoholic-type of different ; you were attracted to him to the point you were already craving for his plump lips on yours, to the point you felt tears of joy breaming at the crease of your eyelids out of nowhere, to the point you were desperate to catch his attention just for a split second, this despair then gluing your two feet into your spot.

Your pupils fell down on your fist that had clenched under the tension your body was being put through, and you could already see the reddish tint your fingers were lightened by as beneath them, was indeed hiding your shining life-line you uncovered with a smile while you got submerged by a wave of delight. That barman, right over there, was the one for you. Where had he been all this time? Why was he showing up just now? How could he be so close when you had looked for him for so long? Were all those nights you had spent crying over your loneliness and the ache of your heart going to come to an end?

You couldn’t believe it, yet your body was already responding to your relief and excitement. The palm of your left hand had started to burn intensely the second your eyes landed on the mark, and you were fanning your face with the right one, as it felt like you were going under a high fever. Your eyelids that had been heavy from all the glasses you had clinked and drank with your friends before, suddenly became lighter and never ceased to humidify your sparkling eyes as you blinked again and again to ensure you hadn’t fallen into dreamland. After a short while and an internal ment you did to yourself to remain sane, you finally leveled your pupils up to land them back on the very cause of your world’s upheaval.

You could see him clearly this time, your vision narrowed down at him. It was as if his active figure was detoured by a blurry yet powerful aura that encompassed only the two of you, drawing an invisible breach in this world from you to him. You amazingly could remark all the details you would never have in your daily life, had he been some random guy you would’ve seen at one of the cafés you liked – but he wasn’t.

His hair was dyed into a deep orange color, close to red, the locks separated messily on either side of his forehead and that your fingers were craving to fumble themselves into, so they’d feel their softness. He had small but sharp eyes that first shot piercing gazes towards the clients, before they would lighten up then almost disappear as he granted them a smile once he’d have heard their command. His nose had a perfect line, angle and proportions, as if it had been drawn with a ruler, in the middle of his slightly chubby face that still showcased a keen jawline.

Finally, his lips… You couldn’t prevent yourself from watching them the most, as they were quite filled, with a heart shape and a rosy tint the spot enlightening his head helped you to die before. When he smiled, you were thrilled to discover his white and aligned dentition ; then, the wideness his lips reached crumpled your weakened heart as it gave him an adorable yet seducing expression you probably would have fallen for even if he hadn’t been your ideal one.

You could only see his body up to his bust from behind the counter, covered by a short-sleeved deep green and white striped shirt which buttons were opened enough for you to spot his collarbones from time to time, when he grabbed glasses or bottles to concoct another delicious potion.

Every move he made was like slow-mowed, for you to see each ripple of it, each muscle he solicited, each expression that dwelled his traits. It was as if you could see through anything that could obstruct your sight of him who still shined brightly in the middle of spotlights and people. You were spellbound by this man and you were perfectly aware of it, yet there was no wish for freedom that knocked against your head walls : just the one to catch his eye, even if something inside you feared that it would probably consume you.

He was indeed your ideal type if you had been asked to describe the perfect looks for a man, his body not too thin yet not too thick with muscles, with his forearms’ veins popping out as he was holding the shaker into his large hands that had long and ringed fingers, and not to mention his facial features that gave you the chills just by looking at them.

“What are you doing, planted here Y/N? I’ve been looking for you” Jiwoo asked you suddenly and got you out of your trance as you jumped in scare.

Then, without letting you the time to explain yourself – as if you could brace yourself to come up with an explanation when you were completely knocked out… – the blonde girl’s hands grasped your left one that was still up in the air for you to contemplate it.

“Why were you looking at that? Oh my- Don’t tell me?! The look on your face says it all! You can see the mark, right?! Tell me that you’re seeing it!”

You were too flustered to answer with words, but you automatically nodded while looking back at her with cloudy eyes ; and even her high-pitched shouts didn’t shake you out of your trance.

“OH MY GOSH Y/N! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH YOUR SOULMATE IS HERE! WHERE IS HE?! THAT’S INCREDIBLE! WHERE IS HEEEE?!” she kept on exclaiming as she swung your arm from the left to the right, and the smile she was wearing brought yours out along with a speeding beating of your heart.

You felt close enough to Jiwoo after all these months to tell her, but before you did, you made her promise not to spread the news to the others, as you wished to keep your love life quiet and personal until it would be stable enough for you to answer a few of their questions without feeling embarrassed ; they were still colleagues from work before friends.

“It’s… That kinda pumpkin-haired guy over there? The barman, you see?” you finally managed to mumble.

Jiwoo’s eyelids creased as she searched for the target meticulously, then abruptly, her mouth fell open as her grip on your hand tightened.

“Jesus fucking Christ, he is GORGEOUS! You lucky girl” she whined as soon as she spotted him talking to his co-worker with a serious face on.

Then, unexpectedly, she pulled you into a tight hug and jumped on the spot with you still in her warm embrace, and you held her back even if you were out of it.

“Then my question remains the same : what the hell are you doing standing here?!”

Out of nowhere, your insecurities about love and yourself replaced the warmth Jiwoo had welcomed you in and you stepped back, nibbling at your lower lip nervously.

“I can’t… I don’t even know if I’m his ideal too… I mean he hasn’t even spotted me yet, I don’t think-“

“Well, go find out, c’mon! And even if he’s not, he’s at least compatible and I’m sure he’ll like you! Go or I’m telling the group!” she dared to defy you, and you scoffed at her blackmail before she pushed your reluctant body towards the bar ; and once you were close enough to her liking, she disappeared as quickly as she had popped out next to you.

Only a few steps were separating you from him – well technically also a counter–, and you felt like your soul might escape your shuddering corpse as you finally found the courage to walk to him, going past the thirsty people shouting their orders. You managed to post yourself on his right, your elbows finding their place among the empty glasses displayed on the bar. Quickly though, as you winced at the pain that had multiplied now that you were the closer you could be to him for now, you hid your left hand on your lap as you feared that you could scare him if he ever came to know who he was for you, if you weren’t the same for him.

The man had his back facing you, yet when he turned around and finally landed his beautiful eyes on your silhouette, he took your breath away for the umpteenth time in less than ten minutes since you had found him. Your life-line suddenly started to itch, and the pain turned into a pleasuring sensation you hadn’t felt before, one that raised all the hair up your left arm. And finally, you heard his famous phrase but this time directed at you, as well as his attention, the situation enclosing you into a state of shock and ecstasy :

“What do you drink, miss?”

However, some strings pulled at your overworked heart as you dared to bore your eyes into his, to see he was far from flustered as he was searching your face, waiting for your answer.

I’m not the one.

Or else his expression would have changed, or else he would have been as appalled as me, or else he would look at me with lust, as everybody said.

That man was your destined lover, but you were just a compatible woman to him, and you swallowed back a sarcastic chuckle as you realized that your curse would definitely never leave you ; because even when you were facing someone that had been made especially for you, someone you could love and give to without holding back, it wasn’t that simple.

Don’t get defeated, Y/N. He is at least compatible. Jiwoo is right, he might like you, you tried to cheer yourself up, and you could thank the alcohol for quickly fading your rational worries. You straightened your back before darting your best smile at him.

“Surprise me”, you blurted out in a calm tone.

Oh wow. Where did that confidence come from? Was it due to the bond you had with him, giving you wings?

You were glad to be rewarded for your boldness as his brows perked up in surprise quickly, before it was his turn to break into a confident smirk.

“You don’t have to say it twice.”

Hadn’t it been for the uncontrolled and overpowering need to get to him that perfected your actions and reactions, you would have let out an inappropriate mewl hearing those sturdy words come out of his mouth and at the sight of his dimples you hadn’t spotted earlier. Still, you only placed your chin in the palm of your right hand, watching him get on with his job. Your battling lashes guided your vision towards his face so close to yours, his skin bright and without any imperfection, his hair falling before his squinted eyes, his lower lip he had trapped between his teeth as he pondered over his options. He was shining.

“Okay, let’s go with this one.”

He turned his back on you once again, and as he was about to grab a syrup bottle from the shelf, he halted his movements as some shimmering light attracted his pupils, coming from his own left hand. He then looked back at your standing figure over his shoulder and almost let out a gasp as he saw that you had been observing him all the while. He then decided to act as if nothing had happened, despite his heart-line having turned into a bright red color and creating sweat into his palm.

He hadn’t even noticed it before, still the first thought that had come to his mind the moment his stare had ghosted over your lovely traits, had been that you were the prettiest girl he had seen tonight, if not since quite a while. And then, he had thought you looked familiar, without being able to point out where he could have seen you, but once you had spoken up, he had been absorbed by your mischievous eyes and let go of his memory track.

Anyway, were you aware of that little link that bonded the two of you, too? Did that apparition behind the counter rhymed with you making a move on him?

He suddenly felt glad that a dazzling girl like you was at least compatible with him, boosting his confidence as he mixed some fluids together with swift and diligent moves, and in no time, he was back to you to finish his cocktail with one of the bottles arranged right on the spot under your arm.

“There you go, that makes 7,500 won” he breathed out with a smile before gazing at you expectantly as you brought the glass to your red-tinted lips, doing your best not to show how flustered you were to be trapped under his stare.

The flavor was a bit sour, but the strength of fruits balanced it well, and it made you hum in satisfaction as you settled the recipient back on the counter.

“Mission accomplished, thank you” you laughed lightly while placing the exact amount of money on the counter, and he quickly grabbed it.

“My pleasure.” he answered in a low tone that struck you to the core, the sudden deepness of his voice echoing against your eardrums and sending vibrations down to the pit of your stomach.

Everything he said or did stimulated all your senses to an extent that was beyond imagination, as if your sight, your scent, your hearing and even the taste of the cocktail were impregnated with a bit of him, so that you couldn’t get enough of his presence, of his eyes and attention on you, of his smile. Time was going by slowly, but it still felt too fast for your liking as you wished this moment would never come to an end, as you searched for something to throw as bait at him, to keep in touch, to ensure a next encounter.

Unexpectedly, he bit his lip another time while eyeing you up and down, and you could swear you felt like your heart had jumped up to your throat, ready to surrender itself to him whose two eyes kept you frozen into your spot, unable to return back to your friends, to your life as a project director, to your life without him in front of you. It seemed like he had been about to say something because his mouth opened slightly, a single syllable falling into the depths of the unknown as he got interrupted.

“I-”

“Excuse me! Please! Over here!”

“Oh yeah yeah!” the man answered, his eyes not leaving yours, before he nodded his head in acknowledgement while mouthing a goodbye to you, and turned to the person next to you, well more exactly, the group that was waiting for him.

What was that…?

You had to leave, because you had no excuse to stay any longer. The overexcitement was slowly slipping out of your body as he had already moved on from you, his smile now destined for other girls, while you could have stared and smiled at him all night long, behind this counter, without thinking nor blinking.

However, you needed to step down from your fantasy as soon as you could because, remember, you were just another girl he could date, not more. Maybe tomorrow he would have forgotten about you, while you would still be dreaming of him and the infinity of emotions he just had put you through. Or worse, maybe he already had found his own ideal, maybe he wasn’t single, maybe…

You didn’t know anything, his name, his whereabouts, his likings ; you ignored everything about him, but it felt like you had been crushing on him for months, as if you were about to fall deeply in love with him. So that’s what they were talking about.

You eyed him one last time before grabbing your glass, a melancholic smile disguising your lips as you accepted your curse and let your defeated state take the best of you, simply thanking the law for giving you the chance to feel what they felt, even if it had been for a short time. And that’s how you missed the interested look he addressed you as you turned your back on him, not giving him a chance to take his “goodbye” back, especially by telling you this exact phrase he had been about to : “I’m Jooheon, by the way.”

Because damn, you interested him. Where had he seen you?

 End of flashback.

          You had hoped he had been looking at you after that ; now, you knew he had, with Jiwoo confirming it to you, with your colleagues having chanted it to you during the rest of the night, with the red light in your hand having scorched your skin from time to time as you had been dancing languorously, leading you to the conclusion that you might have grasped his attention in the end. But every time the liquor thickening your blood vessels had given you confidence to shoot him some glances over the crowd, your pupils had never met, setting trouble into your guesses.

Nevertheless, before you could decide to find the guts to go back to him and confront him in any manner possible – even though you would have looked like a fool – your friends had wanted to leave, tiredness and drunkenness calling them out. And here you were, walking to the nearest night-bus stop with Jiwoo and the rest of your team, a small smile still disguising your lips as images of him were rattling into your head.

Maybe your fate is in your hands, Y/N. Maybe he was interested in you too.

And as if this expression had finally turned into a blessing to counter the curse you thought had been towering you all these years, your hand – well more exactly thumb – indeed opened another door towards your fate that night.

                * * *

         Swipe left. Swipe left. Nope. Nope. No… Like?

You were having a hard time sleeping, the mesmerizing face of your unknown “soulmate” preventing you from finding peace as you felt on fire just at the thought of him, so you were trying to distract yourself from him by making your usual visit on Tinder, swiping all the guys to the left, just having fun looking at their pictures and ridiculous descriptions. Until your thumb came to a halt before the umpteenth profile you faced, making you sit straight in your bed despite your head that was turning as your brain was half-soaked with alcohol, and you dropped the device on your sheets.

Jooheon. His name was Jooheon.

Just under your two eyes, laid a picture showcasing him with white locks maintained by a headband, his side profile with a solemn expression giving you as much butterflies as his front figure had earlier, and you muffled a cry of happiness under your fingers. The second and only other picture was probably a more recent one, of him with his hair in a lighter orange color and his face lightened by the big smile you had seen him grant earlier. How come hazard could be so good to you in just a night?

Without any hesitation, you quickly “liked” his profile which description said : “Here to talk and pass the time, I guess I’m bored”. And you surprisingly saw the usual display appear instantly on your crackled phone’s screen, the three words feeling almost as precious as the famous three-word-eight-letters you wished to hear again sometime : “It’s a match!”

“This can’t be…” you whispered to yourself as you crashed your back down against your mattress, before kicking your blankets out of excitement.

It felt as if the planets were perfectly aligned, as if that evening could make-up for all those past years of losing faith in love, as if the curse was finally broken. You knew you shouldn’t let yourself get eaten by too much hope as you were pretty sure you weren’t his soulmate, meaning he wasn’t wanting you as much as you wanted him as of now, meaning you might not be on the receiving end this time as well, but still, some kind of euphoria sparkled in you, something you couldn’t canalize.

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : I knew I had seen you somewhere. It was here

Time stopped again. He had seen you on the application before your first encounter earlier?!

You [03:46 a.m.] : Seriously? Wow, what a weird coincidence

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : I know right

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : So, tell me something funny about you, I had a pretty long day

You [03:47 a.m.] : I can imagine that haha. Well… My manager tried to hit on me tonight and I wanted to die out of embarrassment, Idk how I’m going to face him tomorrow honestly

Jooheon [03:47 a.m.] : I saw that. Quite drunk that guy. Something else?

His direct and brief way of talking was taking you aback as much as it made your toes curl out of anticipation. You definitely couldn’t believe you were actually talking to your soulmate on the same night you had found him. Was it the magic of the rule operating?

You [03:48 a.m.] : So you really were looking at me, my friends kept on making fun of me because of that

Where was that boldness coming from again?!

Jooheon [03:48 a.m.] : That means they were looking at me too, don’t you think? Who’s interested in who in the end

“Interested”…? Every single word he employed kept you on your toes, your breathing becoming uneasy every little time you had to wait for his answer.

You [03:48 a.m.] : You have a point. Why don’t you tell me something about you? I’m having a hard time thinking of what to say that would be interesting.

In other words : you were too flustered and there had been too many cocktails for you to be thinking straight right now. You suddenly felt the urge to get up and walk to release the electric shocks that tickled your body. You then opted for sitting beside your bedroom’s window you opened to feel the cool air of an autumn night, as the heat under your cheeks was giving you that sensation of a fever all over again. Was it the alcohol, or was it him, even from far away?

Jooheon [03:49 a.m.] : I love dumplings. I’d choose dumplings over everything else. Dumplings are my reason to live honestly. I’m actually eating some right now.

Jooheon [03:49 a.m.] : And

Jooheon [03:51 a.m.] : I prefer nighttime over daytime. I love how everything seems to have another image, more mystic, more intriguing, more magical with the streetlights on. I can’t live without music. I never go out without my earplugs. If I do, I just go back to pick them up, even if that means being late at work. I write some rap lyrics when I need to let my thoughts out. So yeah my favorite type of music is rap, but I love ballads too. I read manga, sometimes even their previews not yet translated. Idk yet if I prefer countryside or Seoul. I’m interested in fashion, but sometimes I feel like my wardrobe sucks because I change styles often. I like to talk as much as I like to listen, and I hate it when people don’t listen to each other. I tend to understand people quite easily. Except when they get drunk like shit. I think too much, and pretty much all the time. I love football even if it hates me. I fucking love beer. I’ve only worn one fragrance in my life, and I’ll never change, I guess. I don’t have tons of friends, just six “brothers”. I’d like to travel and go far away, soon. Maybe Australia, I don’t know. I get pissed quite easily. I’m too nice. I think my favorite skinship is kisses. I love to sleep, but I have a hard time falling asleep most of the time.

Jooheon [03:51 a.m.] : that didn’t make sense, sorry, just got everything out of my head. Was supposed to stop at dumplings, but this conversation turned into my rap memo tonight haha

You read, reread, and read again those numerous lines that decorated your phone’s screen, your lips smiling on their own as you felt thrilled to be receiving that much information, all those details that were about his daily life just as you had wished to ask for. All those facts that seemed to be evident about him now that you possessed them, as if you had known him for years. All those little things that planted another set of needles poisoned with some attraction for him in your heart.

You [03:54] : I would’ve never found that many fun things to say about me

Jooheon [03:54] : that’s easy though, just answer “me too” or “not me” back to everything I said as a starter

You [03:55] : but rn honestly I’d rather ask “why” for each one of them

Jooheon [03:55] : that would be TMI. C’mon, maybe we have some things in common, and I asked for it first so let’s be fair

He was keeping the conversation on, something you could’ve never asked for. And that’s how you told him a bit about you, your character, fun stories about your job, your favorite food, your last travel destination, the things you liked and disliked about people ; random but somehow intimate facts he surprisingly shared or acknowledged most of the time.

It was too late to go back to your “not-caring-anymore” resolution, you were trapped into the soulmate machine that had eaten all of you, that had manufactured you so that you’d be just as the law wished you to : fond of your ideal one.

                 * * *

         He hated waking up above everything else in life. Because every time his mind slowly reconnected with reality and acknowledged the start of another day, he immediately felt crushed by that hole in his chest, before he even opened his eyes or moved. That familiar yet still depressing emptiness, that melancholic sensation which had tarnished his heart, infiltrated the blood in his veins and lodged under the cells of his skin ; that had dug its way towards the entirety of his body.

Every single morning since their break up, Jooheon was reminded of how lifeless she had left him, how wounded he had been because of another human being, how shitty he had to feel about himself for having let his own life be engulfed by gloominess day after day ; but he couldn’t bring himself out of it.

At first, it had been as if he had dragged his body here and there, keeping on with life soullessly, as a witness of the time and moments that passed by before his two eyes, without him sincerely enjoying anything. Still, his six childhood friends, whom he called his brothers as their bond was the strongest the only child he was could have asked for, had repeatedly tried to brighten his sky and shake him out of his sadness.

They kept on telling him that love was all about opportunities : relationships would come and go, until you’d settle with someone simply sharing the same feelings as you, not someone who supposedly fitted your idealistic vision of love. There was nothing that could beat the sincerity of the heart, they said. She might have filled all the criteria he looked for in a woman, she might have brought him a happiness way more intense than the regular one, but another girl who’ll truly love and cherish him would bring him her lot of dazzling sensations, they ensured.

“True love equals soulmates” Kihyun had told him, and it had been the most compelling sermon Jooheon had heard, as it had lingered in his mind for quite a while.

“If she left, it means she wasn’t truly made for you because she wasn’t able to love you and appreciate you, not because you don’t deserve to be loved. The rule might have showed you the girl of your dreams, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that this dream needs to be your reality Jooheon-ah” Hoseok had lectured him a few weeks after the painful separation, when the reddish-haired man had been consoling himself into many bottles of beer.

They argued that love was all about its duality, mixing happiness and sorrow ; joyful moments and heartbreaks ; one individual and another but with two different conceptions of the word “relationship” and “love” they had to mingle together in order to find their own definition, implying an everyday work and fight ; two mass of cells that couldn’t just rely on the fact that they somehow statistically and scientifically could fit.

They took the heart-line variable as an example, or even his own case of one-way soulmate, and if Jooheon had listened to them, if he had started to believe in their words, if deep down he knew they were the ones of truth, there was always that time of the day, as it was dark outside and he was alone in his room with nothing else but his thoughts to keep him company, when he ended up taking a thousand of steps backwards, right where she had left him – hopeless.

However, at one point, a part of him had come to find satisfaction in his blues, and he had learned to smile truthfully again. Indeed, he had come to the simple resolution of not taking the risk to get himself hurt, by never involving his feelings ever again when it came to girls ; and then, by locking himself up in his fear, he had sought comfort in smiling at the smallest things in life as they mostly didn’t deal with love, and he had finally felt human, again.

Well, his insomnia and the painful awakening were always there to remind him that his laid-back attitude was only a mask ; but that daily rollercoaster had turned into a bearable one, thanks to his detached spirit he was hiding himself behind every day.

But this morning had been more aching than usual, as he had dreamt of her. Of her big bright eyes searching his, of her resplendent smile shining upon him, of her gracious hands that hadn’t touched him in his imaginary world. She had been out of his reach, just for him to contemplate. It had been seven long months since they had parted ways, so Jooheon wasn’t sure if those dreams of her meant that he still had feelings for her, or just that he was supposed to be impregnated of her for the rest of his life thanks to that fucking rule.

He had first met her one year and a half ago, through a friend-of-friend’s birthday party he had been invited to and so had her, coincidentally. And just like you, he had tumbled into some kind of ecstasy the second his eyes had dropped on her, at the back of the living room, laughing and talking with two other girls. He knew no one except the host and the friend who had brought him along with him not to feel lonely, so he had had to stay with him, when he had craved to walk to her.

Finally, he had found the time breach to slip away and the courage the go to her as she had been sipping on her soft drink alone, and, just like you, his words and actions had come naturally and easily. They had engaged a long and cheerful conversation, becoming slightly touchy with each other, making Jooheon’s flesh consume in desire every time she had landed her small fingers on his body.

“It’s amazing, it seems like you have the answer to all my questions!” she had brightly exclaimed as they had reached the opened windows, facing the sky of Seoul in its dark blue color.

Jooheon had then simply showed her the red life-line scorching his palm, making her face’s expression switch to shock, then to something warm as she revealed her shining heart-line with a shy smile.

“So that was why…” she had breathed out as chills had covered her spine.

“Yeah, I’m even startled myself at how my mind clicks with yours, this is… Amazing.” The boy had nodded, his fingers linked together and dangling over the barrier preventing them from falling.

“I like it, too” she had admitted.

And that was how it had all begun. A sweet encounter had turned into a blooming relationship where Jooheon had been totally into his partner, the special connection drawing him deeper and deeper into the intense feelings he had sincerely developed for her at first sight. And she had fallen for him, too. Every single worry, every single question, every single need she had, he could and would fill them up as if he read her like a book. He had cherished her to the fullest, and she had felt thankful.

But at some point, she also had felt burdened, because she had started to feel like she didn’t pay him back as much as she should. In her eyes, it had seemed like he loved her more than she did, as the more time passed by, the less she had managed to feel invested in what she did for him because he’d always move mountains and skies for her, and the less she would get him, his wants, his needs the way he got her. In the end, she had started to feel bad and uneasy for being on the receiving end.

And as if fate had planned it all, she had happened to come across her own soulmate – a new recruit at her work place. And that was when she had known and understood, the reason why Jooheon and her had grown apart : sadly, but simply, her feelings for him had started to fade away and hadn’t been enough for her to hold onto anymore. Meanwhile that male colleague, who was just compatible to her like she was just compatible to her actual boyfriend, had fallen for her, showcasing his feelings with his own attentions that had stolen her heart, little by little.

Even if she had tried to resist at first, the spell hadn’t helped her ; yet, it was her true feelings that had taken the best of her, as she had felt like breathing again with this man who managed to build a deep connection between them even without being struck by the famous indescribable force. Selfishly too, she had craved to know what it felt like to be with her soulmate, wishing to give someone what Jooheon had been giving her untiringly all this time, even if she had simply forgotten that she did use to cherish him as well, in her own way, back when she still loved him.

And all of that happened unbeknownst to Jooheon who, even if he had started to spot the distance she had been digging between them, had refused to acknowledge it and had chosen to trust her and the idyllic love he had been in for almost a year.

“I found my soulmate” she had finally blurted out one day, while they had been having dinner at Jooheon’s place, after he had asked her for the umpteenth time in the month what was wrong with her lately, his hand on hers.

Jooheon remembered every single word they had shared that night, the argument still as clear as water in his mind, as he had been tortured with her voice echoing again and again in his eardrums for weeks after.

“What?”

“I’m sorry…” she had whispered, her throat constricted by the pain while tears had flowed down her face rising up to look at him in the two eyes.

She had been able to depict the heartbreak she was putting him through just by how his traits fell into despair, panic and incomprehension, his grasp on her hand suddenly tightening.

“No babe, it’s okay… Why are you sorry, hm? Why?”

“Because I’m in love with him, Jooheon-ah.”

“Wait, what? I-I don’t understand”

“I’m sorry” she had repeated in a low voice.

“How come you- No you can’t, I mean we’re… We’re good, right? We were good! How come you fell for him like that? What did I do, hm? Tell me? You know I love you, I would do anything so tell me, if I ever did something wrong-”

“You did nothing wrong, Jooheon-ah! You did everything perfectly, to the point I felt like shit because it was like I could never give you back everything you gave to me! It was so hard to always be the one in this relationship feeling a step behind, you know that?” she finally confessed, her hand leaving his hold to fumble into her hair in frustration.

“What’s this nonsense! You’re perfect to me just as you are! I never asked for anything from you! You know it’s true, I’m happy right now! Just because you’re here with me and we- we love each other! We love each other babe, c’mon, it’s just a momentary bliss, you know that! That rule means nothing, you said so yourself!” he had rushed in a louder voice, his brows knotting on his forehead and his own tears accruing at the corner of his eyelids.

“It’s not about the rule or whatever! We don’t love each other anymore, just open your eyes! I wasn’t happy even with all you did for me, you were happy on your own! Don’t tell me you didn’t see the signs!” she had moaned back.

“I did see them, and I even asked you about it, but you told me there was nothing, so I chose to trust you!” he had defended cluelessly.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… My feelings are not the same as before. I tried really hard to keep up with you, but I can’t. That man I met, I don’t feel burdened with him. You’ll always love me more than I love you, because you have that spell transcending you, but this isn’t right-“

“Are you kidding me? You really think I’m here just because of that stupid rule? After all this time? I know my feelings! I love you because I fell for you, and I would be the same with or without this thing! Sure, it must have influenced me at the beginning, but now it’s just me and my feelings!” he had let his fear take the best of him by cutting her, his heart crumpling under his chest he had smashed with his fist to emphasize his sincerity.

“I feel suffocated when I’m with you, Jooheon-ah." She had started to cry again. "With him, I don’t have to be afraid that I’ll be lacking like I did with you, because I get him the way you get me, just like I used to get you before. Now that I met him, I can give my all without feeling that it’s never enough…”

“You just never truly loved me, that’s what you’re really telling me. Or else you would never have felt belittled or intimidated by my feelings, or else you would have known that I was happy with every single thing you gave me” Jooheon had mumbled between gritted teeth, his jaw clenched, before he shot her a tearful yet glaring stare.

He had felt like he had been sliced in two by a sword, one part of him burning into a fire of rage and betrayal that had whispered to him to insult her and turn his kitchen inside out ; another one filled with love and despair that had made him crave to beg her not to leave his side.

“I did love you, it wasn’t like that from the beginning…” she sighed. “I just don’t love you anymore, but that was before him. Meeting him just made me open my eyes. Maybe I am influenced by the spell, maybe not, but right now what I’m sure of, is that I fell for him anyway. You have to understand that, not the rest.”

“I can’t. And here you were questioning my feelings, when in fact you’re the one who’s just been struck by that thing… I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you! If my love was too much for you, it just means you didn’t love me back!”

“You just don’t listen… Think whatever you want of my sincerity. But you said it yourself, Jooheon-ah. That you would be the same even if there wasn’t this rule. The same goes for me. And hadn’t it been him, it would’ve been someone else.” she had felt tired of explaining herself.

“I can’t understand you. I won’t understand you. I’ve always done everything for you, ever since we met! Everything! And you loved me, so how could your feelings change when I didn’t?!” he had broken into tears shamelessly, having always showed himself completely naked before her, without pretending.

“I can’t explain it further, it just…. Faded away. I’m sorry.”

“Nobody will love you as much as I did, you know that? Nobody, not him, because he’ll feel lacking just like you did, won’t he?” he ended up spitting some nonsense, his eyes falling into some emptiness while his mixed feelings had killed him on the spot.

“You can’t tell when it comes to love. I wish you’ll find someone who’ll love you as much as I used to, if not more. I tried to stay, I really tried, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t as good for you as you wished to believe, Jooheon-ah. You have to admit that we weren’t perfect together. Everything does not depend on that rule, or else I wouldn’t have spent time with you to begin with. You just can’t tell what the heart will be like. My heart changed, and so will yours, one day.”

“You’re so selfish. You were only waiting to find the one for you without ever considering me as it.”

“I wish you the best, Jooheon. You deserve it.”

And with that, she had stood up while glancing at him one last time, the only sound in the apartment being their choked sobs and the air having been poisoned with the sadness that had seeped out of their tensed bodies. And she left, without ever turning back, nor coming back.

That thick atmosphere seemed to have never wore off his place, up ‘til now.

That was the reason why Jooheon couldn’t believe in love anymore, nor in himself. He had trusted his feelings, he had given his everything to someone, yet it hadn’t been enough to keep her by his side. She had been supposed to be the one for him, and he had done all he could to be the one for her effortlessly, yet she had found her happiness and satisfaction in her own ideal.

He then believed that love couldn’t measure up to that cruel soulmate rule, because the sincerity of his heart his friends talked about hadn’t been enough for her to remain in love with him ; because her feelings had definitely faded away once she had been confronted to the man of her profound dreams, making her aspire to reach something defined as “higher” than the ones she had with Jooheon ; because it then crushed the satisfaction one could find into the simplicity of genuine feelings.

Jooheon had wondered if he, too, had ever loved her to begin with, or if it hadn’t all been a lie sold by the force overpowering everyone, disguised into feelings. He had wondered if love was supposed to make people that selfish and blind, just as he and she had turned to be. He had been selfish and blind, by seeing only what he had wished to see, an ideal love flowing down a calm river, without looking at the steep waterfall it obviously had been getting closer to. He had been selfish and blind, as he had straightforwardly followed his passion, until it had burned them both. She had been selfish and blinded by perfection, seeking for an unreachable balance between the two members of a couple, when love was supposed to be sincere and giving in your own way, without comparison.

He had wondered what was supposed to happen to him now that the person who had been meant to fit and fill him in every way, hadn’t loved him. Could he ever be loved? And could he love, again?

He had wondered what place true love had in this calculated world, to the point he had went through migraines from overthinking.

He was condemned to fear that any compatible woman he’d meet from now on would eventually leave his side, because love was never enough to save them when facing perfection, because he hadn’t been enough to keep her. He had ceased to believe in love more that in the law, doubting that everything had fallen apart just because feelings could come as fast as they could go.

Yet, he might have forgotten, that someone actually would feel attracted to him passionately just as he had loved with all his heart, but mostly, that some people out there, still believed in love more than anything else. He had forgotten about the sincerity of other people after being deceived ; until he came across you again, that very terrible morning.

                   * * *

         You had woken up quite early for someone who had been out partying the past night, but there had been a bubble of excitement transporting you out of bed and ushering your steps outside your flat to go and do some shopping with Jiwoo. Tonight was the night, the one of the first event you had ever been in charge of, and not only this accomplishment made you feel great, but also the fact that you had talked with Jooheon and might talk to him sooner or later again.

You were in your best condition ever since autumn had begun, and it’s with light strides that you stepped out the subway and waited for your friend at a huge intersection of big avenues. You were supposed to meet in this district famous for its shops alleys, and you were a few minutes early as it was near your place.

“Y/N-ah!” the cheerful voice of your colleague finally made its way to your eardrums above the ambient din the crowd around the both of you was making.

She approached you and you stood in front of the crosswalk while chatting, waiting for the little symbolic man to turn green. When suddenly, once you detached your eyes from your phone’s screen indicating you where the first shop you wished to go was situated, they ended up landing on a familiar figure on the opposite side of yours, making your eyelids squint, then part the further they could from each other.

“This can’t be…”

Facing you, with his hands in the pockets of his deep blue track pants and his bust simply covered by a black hoodie in spite of the cold weather, the stick of a lollipop trapped between his filled lips, was standing Jooheon. You couldn’t quite believe it, but indeed, he was here, accompanied by another dude who was showing him something on his phone just like you had been with Jiwoo a few seconds before. The sidewalk was large enough for a row of ten people to walk side by side on it, so when the light finally turned green, you knew you wouldn’t have the chance to come across him or bump into him “accidentally”.

You were too appalled to make a move on him anyway, time passing by quickly as Jiwoo pulled you by the arm and started to step on the white lines painted on the ground, while you were busy staring indiscreetly at the man who were giving you the chills and the butterflies all over again, just at his sight.

“What are you doing? Move or we’ll get crashed by a car” Jiwoo joked as she was literally dragging your wobbly body behind her.

“He’s here Jiwoo how is that even possible how-“ you mumbled in a squeaky voice, your hands grasping her arm hard.

“Who? Wait what? Are you talking about the man from yesterday? Where?!”

You were halfway through the sidewalk when your eyes finally seemed to meet for a split second over the dozens of passengers between the two of you, causing you to shudder in delight, before he was out of your sight or reach. You dared to turn back once your feet stomped on a safer place than the road, to ensure yourself you indeed had met him by chance ; and your eyes indeed fell on his back and his famous flaming hair he covered with a black cap as he reached the side you had been standing on before at a lazy pace.

“Jiwoo-yaaaaa, how is it even POSSIBLE THAT I CAME ACROSS HIM?! What’s going on? Am I seeing things?!”

You were now shaking your friend as your pupils were still burning holes into his silhouette, until he finally disappeared through the crowd then down the stairways leading to the subway, leaving you numb the second you lost track of him.

“This is FREAKING AMAZING” the blonde girl said with an expression showing her fascination as she looked back to where you were staring. “You’re both giving me the chills seriously! I guess that’s what the soulmate law does! You’re filming a fucking movie Y/N-ah, I’m so glad to be a witness of it because I was starting to think that this was pure bullshit!”

So were you.

When you had been looking desperately for him, it had seemed like he would never show up ; but now that he had popped out of the depths of nowhere, you were definitely pulled into the hole of attraction by coincidences coming one after the other. How could you keep your resolution to remain reasonable and not get your hopes up that he was going to lift up your love life?

You ceased to agitate your body and the one of your friend as the buzz of your phone vibrated into the pocket of your padded jacket.

Jooheon [10:08 a.m.] : Didn’t we just pass by each other? It seems like I just saw you in Myeongdong

Terrific, was the word that would be the first to roll off your tongue if you were ever asked to describe this situation. Incredible, would be the one to tell people how you were feeling as you opened the message he had sent you, once again being the first to start the conversation before giving you the chance to land back on Earth after he had shaken up your world for the third time in less than 24 hours.

Your life-line that had been shimmering slightly all this time finally turned back to its flesh color, but your body felt warm, becoming insensitive to the freezing wind whirling in the streets, the overall sensation making you smile sheepishly as you typed an answer.

You [10:09 a.m.] : I think we did! Sorry I didn’t greet you, I wasn’t sure it was you at first and I was quite shocked tbh haha

How come you were being that honest? You quickly slid the device back into your pocket and decided to give your heart a rest by focusing on your task of the day : find yourself and Jiwoo an outfit for tonight’s reception.

Jooheon was staring at his own phone in his left hand where the heart-line had ceased to shine now that he was far enough from you, but his body had suddenly been eaten by unfamiliar chills, even when he had been wandering in the cold without feeling anything all morning long. Yet what was perturbing him the most, was the strong curiosity that kept on sprouting at the back of his head when he meant to empty his brain from any thought linked to a girl – except her, because he didn’t control it.

He had had to force himself not to look over his shoulder to watch your attractive traits he had only seen for a split-second, just to forget about them quickly and move on with his life like he had been doing for the past months. Yet there his fingers had been, typing a message to you yesterday and today as well before his usual defenses had refrained them to.

So, in order to make up for that short deviation he was half-heartedly regretting, Jooheon chose to mirror your action and put his phone in the large pocket of his sweater without answering to your enthusiastic response, shutting his eyes on the small desire to do so that was tickling his brain cells.

                 * * *

          Fifteen minutes. It was fifteen minutes before the guests would actually start to come by, and your stomach was twisting in pain as you felt the anticipation and the stress eat you up.

"Relax Y/N, your traits look so rigid!" Kihyun, one of your colleagues, chanted as he grabbed you by the shoulders and massaged them quickly. "Too bad I wasn't there last night to see you relax for the first time in the month"

"One last checkup, and I'll be good" you half-whispered as your throat had turned sore, and he chuckled before pouring you a cup of water from his standing place behind the buffet he just had checked for you ten minutes ago.

"Yes cap'!" he mocked you, and you finally smiled as you lightly hit his hand that had been offering you the soothing drink.

You spun around to watch the room, and honestly, it was exactly how you had wanted to be, if not more beautiful. You had opted for the classic round tables, but you liked the conviviality their form involved, and they were decorated in brown, clay and golden details surrounding the reddish flowers at the center, all those warm tones to reminisce the warm season fall was, as it came to an end. There were white and gold garlands as well as balloons behind the huge buffet and the stage where the spokespersons would stand to give their speeches, while the "photo spot" next to the entry was delimited by two wonderful floral sculptures. But the final touch was, the orchestra that had kindly agreed to put on brown or copper suits to fit into your theme.

Everything was right in its place, even the personal you had hired who were already in their positions, ready to take any order or to play the games your team had planned, with the help of an MC to relay them.

"This is beautifully chic, Y/N-ah. The young footballers are going to feel like the classiest people in the world tonight" Himchan, your team manager – and the one who had hit on you but forgot about it thanks to alcohol – told you with a smile, as you were busy lightning a few candles that had blown out on the tables.

"Thanks, Team Manager" you politely addressed him a smile as well, then your body shuddered slightly as you felt his eyes linger on your figure for a bit too long. "Is there something wrong with my outfit? We decided to buy something new with Jiwoo because we've used all of our black clothes but if-"

"No, no! Absolutely not! You- I mean this, this looks perfect!" he stuttered as he waved his hands before him. "I'll leave you to your task, I'll be at the entry! Join me in five minutes!"

And quickly, he was gone, a hand scratching the back of his scalp as if he was embarrassed about something.

Was he checking me right now? Shit…

You still took a quick glance at your clothes, but you felt quite good and ensured that you had made the right choice. You were wearing a black turtleneck with a tailor jacket above, a pair of skinny black corduroy trousers and slim low boots with square heels that were the most comfortable shoes you had worn for an event ever since the beginning of your internship. A glimpse of red lipstick, delicate golden loops on your ears, and you felt chic enough to walk into the room without feeling too diminished by the dressy people that would soon be seating everywhere.

And that "soon" came sooner than what you had thought, because soon enough, you were busy welcoming the football players, a lot of them making you weak in the knees because of their handsomeness. Yet you knew you weren't the only one feeling this way as your colleagues and the female workers never ceased to exchange some looks between them or with you, agreeing that you'll be getting an eyeful tonight.

A lot of famous brands had been invited as well, and you felt honored to hear compliments from their owners or representatives as they walked into the room, their eyes shooting open and their mouths falling into a smile as they were met with the ambiance you had settled for them.

A few presentations, quizzes, thanks and plates later, you could finally let out a sigh of relief as you walked down the stage after having introduced the dessert under dozens of pair of eyes gazing at you, because it was the moment for you to take a break. You retreated at one of the tables in the corner of the room, where a part of your team was actually eating before the time of their next shift came, and you overlooked at your work with stars in your eyes. All those people were having a good time thanks to you, and nothing else could have warmed your heart that much tonight.

Nothing…?

Your brain had finally some time to spare and think of someone who actually made you burn, and you realized he hadn't answered to your last message from the morning, making you frown. The desire to talk to him now that you had switched off the party and your duties spread in your body as if you had simply clogged it at the back of your head all day long, so you couldn't prevent your fingers to type something, momentarily forgetting about the regrets you could have from letting yourself get involved with him any further without knowing where it would get you.

You [10:02 p.m.] : Catching a sight of my face in the broad daylight cut your desire to ever talk to me again?

You bit your lip and sipped on the single flute of champagne you were allowed to drink during the whole night, savoring each drop of it, and your eyes fell on one of the tables that was particularly loud. The boys around it were pretty cheerful, loud mewls falling from their mouths as they ate with enthusiasm their dinner, and the fun and happiness of the situation turned to be distracting enough for you to not feel the long minutes that separated your message from Jooheon's answer.

Jooheon [10:13 p.m.] : No sorry, had a pretty messy day, and I don't go on this app often. What's up?

Your heart burst under your ribcage and you almost dropped your glass to get a hold of your phone before answering immediately, not wanting to miss this chance. You were like a teenager talking to her crush, but you didn't care ; something in this excitement felt addictive as you just didn't want this electricity in your body to stop flowing, and you liked how spontaneous you were being with him.

You [10:14 p.m.] : Don't apologize, I was just joking! I have to admit that I was really shocked by this coincidence, the probability's quite small haha

Thirty minutes passed, and still nothing. You were getting upset but were knocking yourself mentally at the same time, for being that impatient and that much on the nerves just because of him. Yet as time went by, the wings that were supposed to save you from falling for him and getting desperate started to flap, as you finally grew cautious of your overreacting behavior. It was almost the end of your break anyway, so you had to stop waiting for anything from this tentative of exchange behind a screen, even if you had wished you could talk for hours like the past night-

Jooheon [10:45 p.m.] : Yeah that was kinda surprising. Sorry I'm taking a long time to answer, I'm out with my best friends and

Jooheon [10:45 p.m.] : I'm a bit tipsy and surrounded by too many discussions at the same time

As if he could hear your contradictory thoughts, he showed up again when the balance had almost dropped to the "be reasonable Y/N" side. You sighed in relief and smiled at his fractured answer, glancing one last time at the hour indicating you that the moment when you wouldn't be able to talk to him was getting closer and closer.

You [10:46 p.m.] : Don't worry, I'm out too, actually at an event I've organized so I'll be busy as well! I just wanted to talk to you even during a short time, our discussion was interesting yesterday

Honesty. Every single one of your actions was guided by honesty without you controlling it, as if you weren't supposed to play a game or pretend with him at all. Every single phrase of your precedent lecturing about remaining the two feet on solid ground, where reality could less hit you, got absorbed into your phone's screen by their opponent : his next message.

Jooheon [10:47 p.m.] : Oh cool! What's the event? I might see you on the news, right?

Jooheon [10:47 p.m.] : I had a great time talking to you too, it was better to eat my dumplings with someone keeping me company in a way

"What the hell am I thinking…" Jooheon mumbled as he placed his phone on the small table he shared at the bar with three of his friends.

"That's exactly the question I was about to ask you man" Changkyun, his closest friend, nudged him while his two eyes were scanning the bubbles on the screen.

"Hey, do you always read other's conversations you asshole?" Jooheon slammed his shoulder before putting the device in the pocket of his black jacket.

"You've been typing and retyping things since this morning in this convo, don't you think I'll get curious? Who's the girl?"

Jooheon took a long sip of his beer, before letting out a hiss of contentment as the bittersweet taste graced his buds.

"I met her at the club yesterday. You know me, I don't give a shit about meeting compatible girls but this one… I swear she was so gorgeous. And I had that familiar feeling of déjà-vu, then it turns out that we matched on Tinder. We talked last night, and I even ran into her this morning. That's funny, but-"

"You're getting interested, that's it" Changkyun cut him off with a sly smile.

"I'm not!" he vigorously protested, the two words twisting his stomach in discomfort. "I'm not, just… Our conversation from last night changed from the usual dating app shitty chattering, nothing less nothing more" he then convinced himself while nodding his head, avoiding the three pair of eyes that were darting question marks at him.

"Then why do you look so bothered to be just talking to her?" Hyungwon, on the seat facing him, asked while shrugging.

Good question, that Jooheon couldn't answer truthfully. One side of him was confident that he just liked to discuss because you were a cool person and it was cool to talk to someone new, but another one felt like he was somehow excited about this, and he feared it as much as he hated it.

"True, the second I asked you about it, you got on the defensive side and started blabbering random things" Changkyun laughed at him after having gulped down his glass.

"It's just that it's been a long time since I talked with a girl without thinking too much of it, so it's weird, that's all" he admitted out loud, the thought bugging him too much for him to keep it.

"Well you are right to do so, just have fun!" Minhyuk, sitting next to Hyungwon, encouraged him further, like he always had after the breakup. "It won't kill you to talk, and maybe you'll see that something can happen"

"I don't want it, you know that hyung" Jooheon withdrew into himself, sinking back into his chair and his eyes piercing the face of the blonde boy.

"For now, Jooheon-ah. Not forever."

"That, is for me to decide" Jooheon warned him between gritted teeth. "We're not having this discussion again."

"The heart does what it wants" his friend smiled cheekily, earning an eye-roll from your interlocutor who finally remembered you had answered him a few minutes ago already. "I'm just telling you to at least have fun, not to marry her! And if she's on Tinder, there's more than 50% chance that she isn't looking for anything as well."

One last deadly glance at the culprit and the talk was over, before Jooheon unlocked his cellphone with a loud heartbeat, the words from his friend resounding into his eardrums. Have fun. What was that supposed to mean? He wasn't even sure if he could take anything further than a few smirks at you anyway, as he had lost most of his confidence when it came to approaching women. When he was behind his bar, he could easily suit himself into the playful bartender with cocky smiles ; but once outside, once there was nothing to comfort his roleplay anymore, Jooheon felt trapped in his insecurity.

You [10:47 p.m.] : The sponsorships' launching for the most famous clubs of football in Korea!

His face froze into a shocked expression, his eyebrows rising up on his forehead, as this new coincidence wasn't helping him to see you only as a conversation buddy, and not a little bit special girl.

"What is she saying?" Changkyun caught the surprise on his close friend's face and grew curious.

"I think… She's at the same event as Kihyun hyung and the rest of the boys tonight" Jooheon chuckled in disbelief, his head tilted to the side.

"NO KIDDING?!" the three dumb and dumber allies exclaimed.

"This is getting reaaaally exciting" Minhyuk chirped while tapping his fingers together in a mischievous way.

Jooheon [10:54 p.m.] : Ah

Jooheon [10:54 p.m.] : Actually I was invited at this one, some of my friends must be there with you

You [10:55 p.m.] : What?! Really? Are you a player? But you were serving at a bar yesterday…

Jooheon [10:55 p.m.] : I used to play, yes. But I got a severe injury months ago. So my team must be here, some of us were kinda the new hope to make it in the next National team

You [10:56 p.m.] : Oh… Sorry for the injury. That's why you told me you loved it as much as you hated it…

Jooheon [10:56 p.m.] : You remembered that?

You [10:56 p.m.] : Seems like I did haha

You [10:57 p.m.] : You and your friends can still come you know, if you have your name on the list! And if not, I'm the organizer so I can make you enter! You don't know what you're missing, I put my blood and sweat into it… And I'm sure your team would be glad to see you

Jooheon [10:57 p.m.] : Idk if that's a good idea Y/N… But thanks for the invitation

You [10:57 p.m.] : Look, I have to leave, but if you ever change your mind, here's my number!

"We must go Jooheon-ah! We can hang out with the boys, surrounded by rich people and undoubtfully beautiful models, c'mon! And it might be your chance to let yourself go a little for one night" Minhyuk urged him before he ended his drink in no time to prove him how impatient he was.

"Minhyuk hyung is right, let's go have some fun out there instead of that same bar. Your team must miss you y'know" Changkyun incited him with a hand on his right shoulder, shaking him a little.

"You guys can go, then! I can't face them nor my previous opponents knowing they'll be pitying me or laughing at me! Not talking about that bastard who fucked up my leg!" Jooheon suddenly fired up, a hurt expression masking his traits.

"They won't pity or mock you, you fool! No one in the sports field jokes about injuries like that! Jooheon-ah, you need to stop being so resigned to face the things that might bring you bad memories because that's what makes you move on! C'mon let's go, so you can meet your teammates and move on from your rupture with football, and so you can meet that girl and move on from your heartbreak. It is high time you hook up with someone from the opposite gender, and maybe have a one-night stand if it can help" Minhyuk lectured him before standing up and grabbing his arm fiercely.

"C'mon mate, it's been months for the two already, you're not going to live behind walls forever you know?" Changkyun moderated the blonde's speech he still shared.

"I fucking hate all of you" Jooheon mumbled as he wasn't that hard to convince.

Because deep down in his guts, something had already told him to go and meet you ; maybe it was the bundle of anticipation and adrenaline that the unknown of the situation had rooted right down to his core.

"Not guilty" Hyungwon defended as they finally walked outside the bar to grab a cab.

Jooheon [11:04 p.m.] : Looks like I'm on my way

                 * * * 

          "I shouldn't be here, I'm going home" Jooheon resigned himself as his friends were reaching the doors to the place you had rent to host your event.

"No, come back here boy! You're going to enter this party, to eat, to talk, to smile, and maybe to kiss!" Minhyuk ordered as he grabbed the fugitive by the collar of his jacket, blocking him in his steps meant to take him away from here.

Jooheon swore under his breath at the last beer he had drank, accusing it of making him abdicate before his friends and letting them drag him here, to the gates of his nightmare. Behind the glass doors they were holding for him to walk through, the two biggest triggers of his deepest emotions were waiting for him : one, a girl who had stimulated him but not in a pure sexual way when he had sworn to himself he'd never deal with feelings for women until further notice ; two, the fellows he had shared one of his dearest passion with, the same who would bring him the sad memory that the time he had lived off his dream was now over.

"Do you want me dead?" he whined while looking at Minhyuk's grip that had slid down his left arm.

"No, I want you alive, so alive that you live in the present and not in the fucking past. Let's. Go. Now!"

Another phrase that rang into his mind. How come did he sound so right tonight? Was it that beer, again?

"You sucker…" he barely responded, his skills to counterattack lacking impressively.

"Love you too, buddy. You'll thank me later!"

The doors were pushed and so was the panicked human whose body was under high tension, until he finally stepped into the huge room where funk music was played, where low lights were dancing between the roof and the tiled floor, where multiple conversations covered each other, creating an ambient buzz in his ears ; because as his eyes finally landed on you, who were talking to some guy on the stage, Jooheon forgot about his fears.

The premises of a smile inched at the corners of his closed mouth, as he felt somehow great just like the day before, when he had found you in the dancing crowd then right behind his back at the counter. His gaze was glued to every single detail of your features as he once again got absorbed by your beauty, but this time without the barman roleplay to get it over with. In your all-black outfit, with a masculine-feminine touch that enhanced a certain sexiness, you glowed in the middle of fancy dresses that didn't fit his style, at all.

You, were totally his style ; maybe that was the reason why he was having a hard time turning away from you once and for all, without his mind constantly looking back at the pictures he made of you in his memory. How come you could be as enthralling as his ex when you weren't even destined for him?

"Good evening gentlemen, can I have your names, please?" a young man suddenly appeared in front of him with sheets of paper in his hands, shaking him slowly out of his trance, but Changkyun was already handling the situation.

"His name is on the list, Lee Jooheon from Daegu FC, and we're honor-guests he brought with him" his best friend answered naturally.

"Boss, come here a second please, we have latecomers" the man mumbled in his walkie-talkie quietly.

A simple turn of your head in the direction of the entry, a single glance at the one you had wished to see again face to face, and you were melting like a marshmallow at the contact of fire. Your left hand was tickling again, and it's with wobbly legs that you made your way towards the four men who were looking at you expectantly – especially Jooheon, that sketched a shy smile at you, his dark eyes turning to crescents but still displaying some kind of spark.

"Good evening, gentlemen. It's okay Changmin-ssi, I know them, and this one is with the club on table 4" you managed to explain to your colleague who nodded and let them walk further into the room.

Your eyes landed again on your ideal, whose dimple smile appeared completely as he kept on looking back and forth between you and whatever dot he could see in the room behind your back, telling you he was somehow embarrassed to face you. He was stunning as ever, with his flamboyant hair combed in the back with a slightly wet effect, and wearing a black jacket with round silver pins along the seams of its collar, sleeves and pockets, a black tee shoved into a black pair of skinny jeans and low leather boots. A classy look yet different from the ordinary tailor suit every single man in this room was bearing tonight.

"Let me show you the way" you finally addressed them with a smile, your voice hovering the ones of the rest of people.

"Thank you, for letting us come in" the tallest from the group humbly told you and you only nodded your head in response, Jooheon's presence knocking you out.

The loud thump of your heart was contrasting with how light your heart felt ever since you were around him again, and this time you could truly feel the power of attraction as you were completely sober, the sensations becoming twice more unique than the past night when you had been struck for the first time. The butterflies were fighting in your stomach again, the chills had made one with your skin, the air had become as hot as in a desert and the desire was still indescribable, a nice cocktail to make you weak.

"Oh my- Jooheon-ah! Guys! When did you come?!" your colleague Kihyun shouted in your backs, making you jump into place before rotating on your heels to witness the scene.

"Heeey, you look great bro!" the one your colleague greeted as Changkyun threw at him as he approached the group at lightspeed, before they engulfed each other into a masculine accolade.

"Y/N, let me present you my childhood friends! I'm so glad they could make it! Remember when we talked about school and so on? Most of my stories were with them! This is Chae Hyungwon, Im Changkyun, Lee Jooheon and Lee Minhyuk!" Kihyun got excited, his arms on the shoulders of the-said Minhyuk and Jooheon's, who was looking back at you with an identical surprise that masked your traits.

They knew each other? How small the world could be…

"A-Ah yeah, I remember! But looks like they should learn from you to come in time" you joked.

"What did you tell her? Not something gross I hope?" Minhyuk worried, smiling at you.

"I'll keep my mouth shut" you teased.

You still hadn't heard Jooheon's voice, but his eyes were pealing you like an onion, his stare fixed on you making you grow shy and self-conscious. However, if his face might have wished to remain neutral, you felt like you were reading through his expression, that seemed to be close to fascination the more his eyes scanned you from your head to your toes.

"You're arriving at the end of the staff's service, but Y/N and I will do it for you. What do you drink?" Kihyun asked them once you were both posted behind the buffet.

The boys all passed their commands, except for Jooheon who, once again, had his lips sealed and his gaze floating between you and the room. He didn't feel uneasy next to you, nor embarrassed, just simply out of words because the whole situation was escaping his hands which usually were always controlling everything he did, every choice he made. But tonight, his brain had turned off once he had faced you, the rules he had imposed himself long gone into the depths of his memory. He felt out of his body that suddenly turned to you confidently.

Fuck it, for one night, he finally thought.

"Surprise me" he then copied your behavior from the night before, and seeing your surprised expression, he let out a laugh.

His laugh was a tone higher than his voice, a sweet melody you were glad to hear after long minutes of silence. You giggled back and started to pour him the only cocktail you wouldn't mess up too bad, a piña colada, and your spine turned chilly as he spoke up again :

"You're pretty good at it." He declared gently.

"Thanks, coming from a professional I'm deeply touched!"

"The room is nice too, you were right, I would've missed something" he smiled once your eyes met again. "So everything here comes from your head, right?"

He had pushed the right button, as you started to describe him the scheme you had followed before ending up putting this setting into life tonight. Your words fell out of your mouth one by one, as if you had been talking for hours long already. You enjoyed talking to him, the attention he gave you by nodding or humming warming your heart and cheeks. Maybe you would make at least a new friend out of this, if you couldn't have his love like with all the previous ones.

He wouldn't have thought he could be that relaxed around a pretty girl, listening quietly to you without any overthinking bugging his mind and making him stutter or put an end to the conversation. With you and your welcoming attitude, everything was easy, so easy that his fears and questions weren't fed. Maybe he, too, would make a new friend out of it.

Right, a friend Jooheon-ah. Nothing bad.

"Hereee!" you finally extended your right hand to him, and he received the drink with a small bow. "So, you used to play in the Daegu FC, right? I checked. And now, you're living in Seoul, the city of your field's huge enemy…"

"That's right, it's pure treason, isn't it?" he smirked before taking a sip, coating his lips with white foam before he licked it quickly. "I'm probably going to come across the Seoul buddy who helped me get a knee ligament rupture and a malfunctioning leg"

You gulped at his sarcasm, observing him as his eyes were scanning the crowd, probably looking for the player he had been talking about. And as you followed his stare that had stopped on a certain group of sportsmen, it was as if you could share what Jooheon felt deep down, your heart crumpling at the sight of one them he was gazing at with insistence. The boy was smiling and dancing around his table with his mates, while Jooheon suddenly seemed lonely, in his own bubble with only you to notice the painful frown which passed his traits like a brisk of air.

"Where's your team? Don't you wish to meet them?" you finally asked to root him out of his thoughts probably full of regrets.

"The loud boys down there, that's them. But I'm… Too embarrassed to confront them" Jooheon admitted out loud, before his eyelids grew apart in surprise as his mind was being way too open. "Sorry, pretend you didn't hear that"

How come his tongue was untying itself without consulting? Ah, right, his defensive functions were nowhere to be seen at the moment.

"But I did. I get that you're embarrassed, but I'm sure you'll feel better when you'll see they're not. C'mon, let's go! Your friends are with them anyway" you invited him, stepping out from behind the buffet and coming next to him. "I know I'm just a stranger, so my words probably mean nothing, but trust me, I have a good intuition most of the time, Kihyun can confirm."

Jooheon's heart bloomed into something bigger and hotter, burning his whole ribcage yet soothing his body now that he felt a presence next to him. Yes, you were a complete stranger, but you somehow felt comforting, as your friendliness and the simple of your questions and answers didn't put him into a spot where he had to think. He then began to walk to the table along with you, a small smile disguising your lips as your arms brushed. However, you were abruptly cut through your course by the famous guy Jooheon had been staring at earlier.

"Wow, Lee, you look… Great! It's cool to see you tonight! How are you doing?" the guy stammered with a smile, but you could perceive the embarrassment in his chocolate eyes.

Jooheon immediately tensed next to you, his bloody organ cowering back to a suffocating state.

"Hi, Kwon. I'm doing good, and you? I heard you're the favorite for the sponsorships this year" he still managed to answer calmly.

A part of him despised this good-looking, tall, and somehow kind man, his smile killing him with jealousy and rancor when he knew he shouldn't. Back when the incident had happened, Jooheon had been persuaded that he had done it on purpose, or if not, that he hadn't felt sorry for his loss, because they had been each other's biggest opponent to make it into the national team. But his own team had helped him work on his hatred, telling him that he hadn't hurt him voluntarily, that there was no one to blame, except for misfortune.

Still, deep down he knew he hated him for being the one to play instead of him and have a greater chance to become a renowned player ; for being the one who had shared the same dream as him but also the one preventing him from achieving it ; for being the one to take away from him the only thing that could have helped him get through his breakup faster.

"I'm less handsome than you, but well, seems they like me for my body!" the guy joked again. "When am I meeting you on the field again? It's been five months, is it going well? Look, I never had the chance to properly tell you, but I'm… sorry about what happened, I just wish you could recover soon, hyung."

Jooheon scoffed despite him, installing a thick atmosphere around the three of you. You snapped your head towards him, and once again, you immediately knew what he was thinking without even spotting how his fist clenched right next to your hand. You didn't quite know at this point if it was the law or simply your ability to understand people easily that made you get his mind at one glance, but you didn't care ; you had to prevent a curse from falling out of his lips that had turned into a thin line, or else something told you he'd regret it.

"He's not fully recovered yet, but it's getting better, thank you for worrying. Sorry to interrupt, but I have to accompany him to his table and then go back to my other tasks, so if you'll excuse us"

The boy nodded in confusion, the troubled look in his eyes apparent as he smiled and bowed politely to the both of you, and you gently grabbed Jooheon by the arm before walking straight towards his teammates. That touch sent waves of numbness up to your shoulder, while it finally shut all of Jooheon's spiteful voices turning into his head.

"Boss, we need you to introduce the charity project and the afterparty in two minutes" your walkie-talkie spoke up.

Only a few steps had been taken and you quickly let go, your body overwhelmed by your spontaneity you didn't explain nor understood, and you rotated on your heels to look at Jooheon as he watched you with a blank face.

"I'll leave you to your teammates, sorry for… Interfering. But I didn't want a fight to begin between you and this man" you confessed, suddenly embarrassed by your actions.

"Thank you, Y/N. I sincerely was about to punch his face, because when it did happen to me, I didn't see an ounce of regret on his face at first. He was happy that I was out, because well, I was good" Jooheon explained, shaking his head in disbelief as he was thrilled by the wave of anger that had submerged him. "But I would've regretted creating trouble at your event, and I know he kind of meant what he said."

You only smiled shyly and stepped to his right so that he could walk past you, but instead, he turned again to face you.

"I don't think I should meet those people tonight, I'm still pretty sensitive about the subject. I'll step out. I'm sorry, you invited me and helped me enter…"

"You're leaving?!" you blurted out, deception clearly audible in your shaking tone.

Your two eyes bore into his and froze him into his spot, and it became suddenly hard to disappear, to walk away from you, to put an end to this encounter that had been short, once again. Something felt unachieved, would it be the conversation you could have if you kept on talking, or the moment you were about to share if you kept each other company.

"I… I think it's for the better. I don't feel great, being here."

"I'm out of service in a few minutes, because at midnight, everyone's going to the afterparty. I just have to help the staff pack quickly. Would you… Mind waiting for me? I'm done with all this people as well and I've been running everywhere all night long, so I would gladly enjoy some fresh air" you offered expectantly.

This was your last card, your last chance to stick by his side a little longer, to bathe into dreamland for one night only, even if tomorrow would probably put an end to it as your relationships with men never lasted long. He was special to you, but you weren't to him ; however, you still were desperate to live in the bliss he was putting you through to the fullest, so you wouldn't ever regret it.

Jooheon's mind, on the other hand, would've said no, had he been supposed to follow his restrictions and let his usual fears eat him out. But tonight, it had taken you a few smiles and phrases to touch his wounded heart, and Jooheon couldn't get enough of this comforting feeling, of the lift off his shoulders you were being, of the silencing of his thoughts you had provoked. Selfishly, he wished for a night where he could feel great after a long time, and it seemed like you were able to just do that.

"I'll be waiting outside."

                * * *

        "What about dumplings and beer? It's my treat, I'm sorry you had to wait for so long but there was more to do than I thought…" you apologized as you both walked down the luminous streets of Seoul.

Jooheon chuckled while putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Don't worry, during the whole time my friends tried to convince me to come with them at the afterparty"

"So you met your teammates in the end…?" you asked, your own hands burning as you felt steaming hot even at the beginning of an icy fall night.

"Yeah… They were happy to see me, you were right. It was weird, but nice. Still I just didn't feel like hearing them talk about matches and football stories all night long when I'm not a part of it anymore…"

Sadness impinged his nosy voice, even if his face was straight, with his two sharp eyes staring right before him nonchalantly. You felt great to be the one to listen this time, your heart fluttering as it seemed like you were growing closer naturally, exchanging thoughts just like you had the past night. You understood why it was him who was the one for you, as being around him was like being around an old friend who got you and who you got.

"I would've felt the same, honestly" you sighed. "But you'll never be able to play again…?"

Silence, but not an uncomfortable one ; just the time it took to Jooheon to put words together in order to describe this regretful situation.

"At first, it should've been a classical knee ligament rupture with 6 months of re-education, but the doctor kind of messed it up so it's not completely… Repaired. I'm still not able to play right now, and in the sports field, you have to keep up with training or else you'll lose your level. By the time I catch up, it will be too late, I'll never have a chance to become a national player again."

You hummed in comprehension, as it was your turn to search for something to say.

"I can't tell you irrational words of encouragement, I'm sure you know what you're talking about" you surprised him by your sincerity. "However… I don't think you'll never be able to play again. I don't think you lose your talent overnight. I'm pretty sure it's still down there, in those legs, it just needs to be worked on all over again. But it's reaaaally hard to be motivated to work from scratch. I hope you won't give up, but if you give up, it's pretty understandable because it's gonna be fucking hard. Like everything in life, in the end!"

From all the things he had heard, it was by far the most relatable comment Jooheon had received, finding home into his eardrums and even in his head as he nodded slowly. You were being rational, but also comforting ; how could you do that?

"No pain no gain, right?" he chuckled quietly, letting a small cloud of fog escape his lips before it dissipated into the air.

"Exactly! And as you still didn't answer my question, dumplings and beers it will be, whether you like it or not!" you exclaimed loudly.

           "How come you didn't finish that anime? I don't get your mini you! You footballers only watch Captain Tsubasa, that's it?" you lolled your head in the back, your hands up in the air in frustration, before they dropped to grab your beer pint with energy.

You both were seating at a table in a cozy pub, not too crowded, with a tavern-like vibe and some old rock music playing in the background. Two empty plates were piled up in the center, where dumplings and other appetizers had been lying in perfect lines before you had eaten them up hungrily. And by the time you had come to talk about childhood cartoons and anime, you had stopped counting the glasses you had drank. You were a bit tipsy, feeling relaxed and lively, with some electric shocks jolting through your body every time Jooheon's knee accidentally bumped against yours.

The boy had taken off his jacket and pulled the long sleeves of his black top up to his elbows that were planted in the wooden material of the small table, his sharp eyes shining as well as his teeth while he laughed at your overreaction. For the first time in seven months, it was way past midnight, and his heart didn't feel heavy, his head wasn't rotting with dark thoughts, his body didn't feel weak, no ; he was perfectly fine, because of – or rather thanks to – you.

You had been chatting and debating for hours now, your cheeks becoming hot again from the beers you had clinked together and the laughs you had shared, the both of you enjoying the time you were spending together without thinking of what was going to happen next.

Were you definitely falling for him? Was he finally opening to a woman after so long?

It didn't matter right now ; what enthroned the situation was the sincerity with which you were talking to each other, as good friends would. Until the time for the closure of the bar came, and you realized that there weren't any means of transport besides taxis or your feet for you to go home.

"Let's go, I'll take you home, it's late" Jooheon said softly as you both stood up and left the cozy nest that had sheltered you away from your everyday lives and rules for a while.

Your heart felt heavy all of a sudden, as the moment where you would part ways and maybe never meet each other again was getting closer, and you dreaded it. You wished that this night would last longer, because you couldn't get enough of his presence, his laugh, his small confessions about his passions or his life stories that he made sound as boring, when they were anything but dull to you. You knew you would have come to like him anyway, had there been the law or not ; he was sweet, funny, sincere, and vulnerable behind a strong facade – everything your heart could fall for.

It took a good twenty-minutes-walk for you to reach your district, and Jooheon suddenly halted in his steps :

"You live around here?" he questioned, his eyes looking up and going over all the huge buildings and shops surrounding the both of you.

"Yes, why?"

"Me too" he scoffed in disbelief. "I live like two minutes away from here, and you?"

"Five for me…" you answered with round eyes meeting his, and you both broke into a shy yet amused smile.

Until you slowly came to the realization that you could actually part ways right now, your direction being the opposite of his but close enough for him to let you walk back on your own.

His eyes got sucked up into the two intense galaxies your face supported, before they surprisingly dropped to your red-tinted lips, and Jooheon became a prey to an unfamiliar sensation, something he hadn't felt in a while ; a desire he thought he could never feel again as his heartbreak had wasted all of his emotions. But as his pupils remained on your traits for a bit too long, an incredible tornado of lust and need shook him up to the core, and he suddenly craved to steal a kiss from those pretty lips.

Fucking beer, I'm losing my senses.

He didn't want to leave your side. You had eased his guard down in just a few hours, so he couldn't deny that you were… Special. He wanted to talk to you a lot more, he wanted to remain in this confused sensation longer as he felt calm and serene, but most of all, alive.

And you could decipher into his two eyes, in spite of how destabilizing they could be the more they stared right back at you, that he was having the same difficulty to say goodbye as you.

"Look-"

"-Do you want to go to my place?" Jooheon cut you before you could be reasonable, and his offer made your whole body shudder in surprise. "I don't know we… We were having a great time talking, and I'm not tired yet, so… But if you don't like going to a guy's place, I-"

"Let's go, it's freezing" you were the one to interrupt him this time, the roaring desire to stay with him taking the best of you and erasing your resolution not to get your hopes higher up with him than with the others who had, too, walked by your side, but only to leave soon after.

        Jooheon's apartment was situated in a decent building, with plenty of long balconies dressing its front view, and you quietly followed him up 'til the lift that soon took you to the third floor. The sound of his keys turning into the lock rang an alarm signal at the back of your head, reminding you of where you were actually entering and how unpredictable the rest of the night could be, but you couldn't care less.

It was the first time in a while that you didn't mind the consequences of your actions, and it felt good.

You passed a dark corridor, who then opened on a small living room next to the kitchen. The flat wasn't decorated much, as only a few figurines, pictures and cactuses could be spotted here and there ; overall, it was pretty neatly cleaned, and you couldn't prevent your mouth from forming a pout in approbation.

"Thought you'd step into a pigsty or what?" Jooheon called you out in an amused tone, as he placed his jacket on the back of the only yet big sofa.

"You actually look like Piglet, so yes, sorry" you joked as you too took off your coat and laid it next to his.

He cursed at you from the kitchen where you hounded him, and he offered you some crisps and water to fill up your stomachs that weren't full even after the two plates you had swallowed.

                 * * *

          "This is actually… The first time I brought a girl home ever since my… Last relationship, I guess" Jooheon suddenly admitted as you had settled in his bedroom, sitting on the mattress across a wooden bedspring, with some snacks separating the both of you.

He had changed for a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top under a grey zipped hoodie with the symbol of Iron Man drafted on it, showing you how comfortable he was being around you to even wear his pajamas. Despite the imposing building of his body the lose clothes revealed, he looked somehow innocent, but mostly vulnerable, with his brows furrowed on his forehead while his eyes were fleeing your stare.

You took in a sharp breath as you heard his confession, and the manner with which he broke into a full smile consumed you, his two dimples showing up. Minute after minute, his cheeks were turning to a rosy tint you could still decipher despite the blue glow of the neon lights that were laid on his bedroom's floor.

His left hand came up to scratch the back of his neck, while yours was burning as if you detained a source of flames in your palm, and you wondered how come he still hadn't noticed the red shining mark. Had he drunk too much to see clearly?

"Honored to be such a guest" you smiled back, clenching your fist even more.

"So that makes it… Seven months? Yeah, seven months, wow. You're the only girl I'm not beware of, to be honest" he chuckled again, his fingers this time finding his hair he messed up a little, making strands fall on either side of his forehead.

"Why would you be wary of women?"

"Because one of you literally stabbed me in the back and turned me into this mess, I'm pretty scared of myself actually" he sighed.

Your heart crumpled under your ribcage, and you brought your legs against your chest before landing your chin on their knees, your eyes searching his face that was dropped to his hands now fumbling with the sheets. He seemed to be about to confess about something that had lingered in his mind and was bothering him, seeing how his expression had darkened. His second sigh took your breath away.

"Want to talk about it?" you shrugged. "I'm a good listener, people tend to say."

Jooheon's eyes leveled up and as they met yours, his heart did a blip up to his throat. You were stunning, but moreover, you were appealing in some kind of way ; he felt like talking to you would be the same as talking to himself inside his head, because you prospected an aura of kindness and reassurance.

"Not sure it'll interest you. It was just a funny realization I had" he tried to divert the subject one last time, his doubts plaguing the light you had spread into his mind, like ink into water.

Brace yourself, Jooheon-ah. It was fine to talk about futile things, why would you mess everything up with that shitty story?

"You don't get to judge that" you replied, taking him aback. "I can talk about my past relationships too, you know, I don't mind. Sometimes talking just do us good, right?"

Right, his eyes told you as they softened, so did his porcelain traits that unwound. Jooheon suddenly shifted in his position to lean his back against the wall right behind his two pillows, and he contemplated for a few seconds what he shall do next. How come his heart was throbbing in need to unbind his twisted thoughts he had kept to himself for so long? How come, most of all, it was for you to hear?

"I… Found my ideal. It was almost two years ago" he then started. "We dated. It was… Amazing. Well, it was for me. She didn't truly love me, I don't think so. Because guess what? She leaved me as soon as she found her own ideal. Saying that she felt burdened because I loved her too much, because I was too good to her. Can you even believe that? She wanted everything to be equal but damn, you don't count in love. Or that's what I thought. I thought that you don't count, that you just give, and that's all. Anyway, she left me, and ever since I've been… A fucking mess. I hope you don't go through that, stopping believing in love and whatever relates to it. It eats you to question everything. It eats my brain. She was supposed to be made for me, y'know? But she left. For her own ideal. So what am I worth now? And where's the love in all this shitty and calculated world, huh?"

He exhaled loudly while closing his eyes as letting this all out felt incredibly relieving – as well as the alcohol flooding in his veins –, until he realized you had been there all this time and hadn't said a single word. His eyelids opened slowly, and his jaded stare dared to drift to you. He felt a sea of goosebumps accost on his body as he were met with your curled-up figure, your traits seemingly peaceful and your gaze not even shaking under his.

Actually, you were shaken by what you had just found out, your insides twisted under the flow of emotions this had put you through. He had delivered you the deepest of his sorrows, and he had been beautiful when he had done so, his face having slid to an endearing expression you couldn't describe, and his voice having turned a bit hoarse and a tone higher.

"My turn" you simply announced, your clear voice cutting through the silence.

Jooheon sat up straightly and bit his lower lip, the anxiety of having told you everything that easily fighting with the anticipation of what story you had in reserve for him to get surprised by you once more.

"Actually, I also found my ideal by pure chance, last night. I was already having a hard time believing in love you know, and I had started to think that maybe I should look for him. I was thinking that if he's made for me, then the chances of him liking me were higher, and then I'd be able to fall in love with less fear that he'll eventually leave. Because I dated a few guys before, who were all compatible with me, but seems like I was never enough. Either I was a pastime before they went to look for their ideal, either they left me because they didn't share my feelings in the end. I gave away my heart sincerely, but I probably couldn't beat the rule, or I came to wonder if I am not the problem. Maybe I too am not worth it, you see? If they all leave at some point…"

You were the one to let a sorrowful smile pull at the corner of your trembling lips this time, your mind having fallen into the messy drawer of your deepest wonderings. You didn't notice Jooheon who was piercing holes through your head from the intense staring, your lack of love for yourself mirroring his own and getting to him.

"Still when I found him, I figured that I wasn't his, so I was disappointed at first. But in fact, it showed me that not everything is as calculated and perfect as we think. It depends on how you really clink with each other, in real life, because law or not, we're still humans with our own hearts to decide what we want, aren't we?

You took a deep breath before ending your speech that was getting closer and closer to its most important yet awkward part.

"And as I spent time with him tonight, I figured that yes, he's definitely perfect for me and has everything I'm looking for in someone, but that's the reason why I think I would've come to like him anyway. He's a really great guy, I'm glad that my standards were set to be so high. It's so nice to see how handsome and cool he is. It's so nice to have been able to at least talk to him. And I'm happy that I can say that to him face to face after hearing his heartbreaking story, so that he knows he's definitely worth it."

Time stopped, and so did Jooheon's heartbeat as your eyes met, before his fell down to your left hand you had opened just for him to see, and his dark pupils reflected the red light.

"Y/N I…" he was looking for something to say as you clenched your fist and withdrew your arm closer to you, your flesh burning with embarrassment after your monologue that somehow sounded like a confession. "You're wrong, about me, about the rule, you… Don't know what it's like. You're liking me only because of that thing, because it's what it makes us do. It makes us blind and fond of the other person. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful-"

"Didn't you love her because of who she was? Sure I felt it, the power of that thing, but it does not affect me further than crazy sensations" you cut him.

"I don't know about that, that's what I was telling you. I'm questioning everything. We don't know anything. What if it just blinds people? She stopped loving me when she was supposed to be the one for me, and she wasn't under the spell, so she was seeing me with neutral eyes. So I don't think that I am like you described, or else why would she leave?" Jooheon doubted, his two eyes fully opened and throwing dozens of wonderings at you.

"If she stopped loving you, then it means she did love you at some point. You just have to accept that feelings come and go, that's the heart's law, not any other. I don't believe that the law influences your feelings that much. It is here to show you who's at the highest rate of compatibility with you, but it does not mean that this person is unquestionably what you'll want in the end. Or else why would there be the heart-line? Or why would there be one-way situations like us? You can find your own perfection as long as you truly appreciate the person" you shrugged his frustration away, extending your arm to pick some pop-corn from the bag in front of you.

"You don't even know me that well. What you think you're liking might be what the law wants you to see" he ignored your remarks because they definitely were marking points.

"Do you hear how absurd you're sounding?" you only questioned him back with one of your eyebrows raising up.

"And you you sound just like me seven months ago…" He then mumbled and turned his face away from you, his eyes peeking out the window.

Your arguments were relatable, as he had delivered exactly the same and had believed in them back when she had left him ; but those countless nights of wonderings and aching had trampled them down and had made him lose faith in their value.

"I can't give you what you're wishing for anyway."

"I don't remember asking for anything?" you scoffed at his stubbornness. "I was just saying that I liked… What's going on here. Just like you said you were having a great time with me, I do too."

You motioned the space between the both of you, earning a curious look from the corner of his eye.

"You clearly seem like you want someone in your life. And you just told me… You liked… Me. But I can't be that man. I won't do better than your previous relationships. I'm a fucking mess, I'll only hurt you, just like I hurt her. I'll do shit without even realizing it. I'm no good, for no one. Thank you for what you said, but as I told you, I know myself better than you do, and I'm not that much of a great guy you described."

"Sounds like you were actually picturing things yourself, using the future tense…" you pointed out with another shrug. "Look, I didn't ask you out, nor did I ask you to like me back. Just accept my compliments and shut it out. You gave me a headache with your bullshit, I'll go to sleep!"

You lied down, your back turned on him and your arms crossed. He had upset your tipsy-self, and you felt embarrassed for having told him everything that had popped out in your mind only for him to turn all of it down with his "I-know-better-than-you-do" ranting. A few seconds later, you felt the other side of the mattress dig under his weight, and you heard a rather loud expiration of air coming out of his nose.

Jooheon's heart was beating incredibly fast, and his whole body was caressed by hot waves. What you had just told him, all those nice things, all that attention, had managed to pull at the strings of his heart when he had closed it to everyone. Moreover, he was somehow thrilled to learn that he was your ideal, because it was nonsense that such a beautiful and interesting girl had him as her standard for a lover. Add to those weird feelings the fact that he felt scared to be actually appreciated by someone, and this cocktail of mixed emotions made him mutter :

"You arrived at the wrong moment."

Had he met you later, once he had been fully "recovered", back onto his feet, he might have been able to really believe you, to take your words into account, to follow you on that road to trust in feelings once again. But he was under a pile of emotional garbage being so heavy, that he was having a hard time sorting it out for him to ever get out. He could see your hand extending to him, but it felt like he could barely reach out to you. However, for the first time in seven months, his guts were constantly vibrating ever since you were together, making him crave to cross the line and see where it would take him, just for a moment.

You rolled on the other side and looked at his broad back detoured by the rays of the moon that were piercing through his opened window and marrying lovingly with the artificial blue light.

"When would have been the right moment?" you asked in a hushed voice, curiosity and anticipation bubbling into your stomach.

"Later. Right now…"

"Right now?"

"Right now… I know what's going on here, but I just can't."

Your heart skipped a beat, and you stopped breathing for a few seconds, so that you wouldn't cut him in his random rant.

"I'm not a good man, right now. Not for you." He pursued.

"That is for me to decide, but once again, I didn't ask you out, I just tried to tell you-"

Jooheon suddenly flipped the other way around, the meeting of his face excruciating you with a renewal of your desire to kiss him, a need you had forgotten about while you had been talking, but that you couldn't ignore anymore. Not after understanding that he, too, felt that something was going on between the both of you.

"I just tried to tell you that I think you're someone worth being loved, in response to what you had said, that's all" you managed to finish between two shaky breaths.

He had had to look back at you to reassure himself that he was making the good choice by shutting his eyes and ears. He had had to look you in the eyes and make you get that he couldn't help being this way, even if he too was getting killed on the inside by his silenced needs to get some affection from a girl after a painful time being on his own. He was craving for your affection, because it was the only thing he knew he was missing now that you had brought him comfort, laughs, joy, peace and a little bit of confidence as your words rang into his head.

However, as your eyes danced between each other's pupils and lips for a little bit too long, you both got consumed by your temptation, and kissed.

You didn't really know who initiated the kiss first, was it you whose hands had found their place in his hair, or him whose bust ended up towering yours. The kiss was soft and slow at first, one deep pressure of your lips against one another, with your noses brushing ; but after retiring for a short time and searching each other's faces for any sign to stop that was obviously nowhere to be found, you soon kissed again more fervently, loud exhales coming from your nostrils and your heads changing angles for a better access.

You didn't know either if that was because of the rule this time, but kissing him became the top one of the favorite things you had ever done in your life. His lips melted against yours, their softness enchanting you as well as how filled they were, not missing any single inch of your mouth. But what was the most enjoyable, was all the chills you got all over again, but they were different from all the previous ones you had went under. Your head was spinning but not in the dizzy-way, more in a euphoric one, as if you were being transported into a time lapse where only you and him existed.

Jooheon felt it too, the magic, as well as the burning of your bodies, especially of your left hand that was lodged against his scalp. Only a few hours ago, he would've never thought that he would be kissing another woman in the bed he had used to share with her. He would've never thought that this would be possible when the day before he had been as depressed as usual and with his gaze looking at everything else but women he somehow despised.

But right now, because it was you, he had stopped thinking for a little while and followed his guts, and it felt good.

At one point, his right hand came to look for your left one, and the contact left you shivering, your life-line scorching but in a pleasing manner. His mouth turned away from yours and he kissed the sensitive spot, his lips reddening before the light, and the sight was utterly beautiful. You contemplated him in awe as he leaned his cheek into your palm, his eyes closed and his brows furrowed, as he was finally thinking back of what you had done all of a sudden.

"Look at how fucked up I am… Telling you A and doing B…" he murmured before hiding his face into your welcoming hand in embarrassment, and you smiled unbeknownst to him.

"Look at how fucked up I am… Liking a man who doesn't want me, again" you half-joked and he snapped his head towards you with a hurt expression painting his face.

"Do you want to make me feel worse? I didn't say-"

"No, I want you to stop thinking about what we're doing, for now, just like I am."

As if your words were similar to a magic formula thrown at him, Jooheon assaulted your lips once more, his hand landing over your head on the pillow and stroking your hair gently. The other went to grab and squeeze your waist as he pushed the kiss deeper, never having enough of it, of you.

"I don't deserve someone like you" he whispered against your lips, taking you with him as he laid on his side.

"Looks like even the law says otherwise" you smiled, passing your hands under his hoodie and top to caress his back.

You heard him hiss between gritted teeth as if you were triggering something powerful inside of him, but to your surprise, he didn't move and only told you with his mouth against the top of your head :

"Let's sleep. I'm exhausted, and for once in a while, I feel like I can finally get a good night of sleep."

                   * * * 

        You woke up to an empty bed and blurry memories of the past night, your brain only flashing you some images of you and Jooheon kissing and cuddling all night long between two dreams, but you were having a hard time remembering what you had exactly said to each other. You just knew, overall, that he was scared of dating again, yet the look he gave you as you entered the kitchen where he had been stirring coffee somehow looked… Enamored.

His sharp eyes literally melted at your sight and so did his heart, a signal that kissing you had just worsened the attraction he had had for you from your first meeting at the bar, and he caught you by surprise when he suddenly approached.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked with a hoarse voice as he stopped a few inches away from you only.

"What about the insomniac?" you interrogated him back, and he smiled fondly.

"I wish I had, but someone couldn't stop kissing or hugging me" he joked, and you rolled your eyes at him.

"As if I was the only one" you tsk-ed, and your heart contracted as he lifted his hands to cease your face and stroke your cheeks.

His hair had softened, the neat hairstyle long gone and letting place to messy strands naturally pulled at the back by his own gesture probably, and with the sun penetrating the room, they were tinted with more intense nuances. His face was glowing, and his body was no longer dissimulated under his hoodie, only for you to see the tank top marrying his well-built silhouette. You were appalled by this unreal vision, because no one should ever look this good after waking up, so you didn't notice how his expression translated the inner conflict he actually was in.

Because from the second he had woken up next to you – or more exactly with you in his arms –, Jooheon had been debating internally about what he was actually supposed to do next. He had spent the best night of his life after a long moment of feeling gloomy at that period of the day, and for the first time since the breakup, his heart was instantly warming up as he was staring at another girl.

He did have a thing for you, and how addictive kissing you had been confirmed it and had worsened it, but even if you had sounded reassuring and pretty convincing, his everyday fears no longer diminished by alcohol had come back at him at full force like a boomerang. It was as if he had taken one step further, but only to stumble two steps back, and he hated how torn he felt.

It was your hand that slid along his waist that shook him out of his somber thoughts, and this single contact put him on fire as well as it made him panic – that eternal battle. Still, the flames of passion won for a few seconds as he suddenly felt the urge not to push you away, but to kiss you, and he did so, with an applied pressure of his mouth against yours, before it went further than a good-morning-kiss and heated up, your arms engulfing him into a tight hug and his fingers suddenly losing themselves into your hair.

What did you make him do…

"I have to go, my colleagues sent me a message telling me we're having a company lunch to close and celebrate my first event… They even have some feedbacks to say to me" you regretted as you pulled back, and the feeling doubled as you saw Jooheon biting his lip.

"Sure, I'll walk you back to the door" he answered calmly, his hands finally leaving your face and freeing it from an intense heat.

"So… See you around?" you wondered as you turned on your heels once in the corridor, and you saw Jooheon gazing at you while leaning against the door frame.

And once again, you could read in his eyes his inner thoughts, telling you once again he was having a hard time bidding you goodbye just like the past night. You anticipated his answer after all the skepticism he had revealed towards the idea of getting too close to a girl ever again, but deep down you hoped that the skinship you had shared might have at least give him some kind of hesitation in your favor.

"See you, definitely." he then worded carefully, his lips turning into a smile that set off a sensation of bliss within your body, making you crave to steal a last kiss from them.

His eyes bore into yours confidently one last time before you parted ways, having been satisfied by his plausible change of mind or, at least, the second chance he was giving you before crossing your name out of his life.

                * * *  

        One week. It took him only one week on his own to fall apart all over again, and to see no happy ending if he kept on meeting you.

He had believed in the last words he had told you with his eyes in yours, because back then, he had truly wished he would see you again soon, the sensation he got from being with you being pretty appealing and every time his eyes were meeting yours, you erased his doubts, only pushing his instinct buttons.

He had talked about you with his friends, who had been even more excited than him to see him finally let himself walk slowly but surely into the arms of a caring and sincere girl.

He had been the first one to message you later in the afternoon that day, and had enjoyed talking to you for days after ; but nothing could beat his anxiety once he was alone at night.

The fight had been feverish, as being pulled between "yes" and "no" was taking the best of him. This lingering hesitation whenever he had answered one of your messages, even when he liked doing so, had then been mostly telling him that he was still lacking confidence in him and in his capacities to start a new relationship serenely. And he couldn't do that to you, he couldn't deceive you and risk to hurt you sooner than what you could imagine.

So before he would have to do that once you would have gotten closer and closer, before things got out of hand, Jooheon decided to retreat without giving the both you a real chance.

You had been talking everyday after the night you had spent together, and it had given you the butterflies every time his name had popped up on your phone's screen. Your conversations were always really interesting, without any flirt being involved, just two people getting along really well to the point they could talk for hours non-stop.

This situation had turned into a constant ray of sun in your gloomy life, and you couldn't wait for your next encounter, without wanting to rush things. You were just wishing to go with the flow and let your feelings and guts take you where they would like you to, because up 'til now, it had worked out pretty well with him. You were so relaxed and confident about the natural unwinding of your relationship, that you had managed not to get too upset when you didn't receive some news from him for three days, telling yourself that he must have been busy or that he had his reasons.

Until you decided to reach out to him again randomly, just because you had been thinking of him.

You [11:19 p.m.] : Eating dumplings while working on my new project, not to make you jealous but look at how appetizing they are – [Picture]

Jooheon [04:04 a.m.] : Hi, I'm sorry that I didn't give you any news during the last few days. I'm pretty aware that this mustn't have been really nice as we've been talking a lot, but I needed some time to think. Right now, I don't think I'm capable of getting engaged in whatever relationship that would get further than what we actually have. I'm not ready to date someone, and I don't want to give you false hopes. I feel this urgent need to run away now that I'm getting closer to you. I'm getting scared, and I can't help questioning my doings. It is still quite hard for me to perfectly explain why, I'm trying to find how to resolve this problem, but this is a pretty difficult task to do. You know the biggest part of it, but I'm truly sorry Y/N, I'm not fixed at all so this won't work. I don't wish for you to understand my sudden change when I've been showing you a confident side of me, but I just didn't want to leave you in the dark. Sorry, again, I know who I am for you but I can't. Take care.

             To be continued....

            A/N :  This is pretty long, I hope you had a great time reading! Part 2 will be more intense, I’m starting to write it!

[fieldfullofbangtan]

bts imgn: taking care of them when they are drunk (friends)

holy poop this is my first ever imagine and it is WAY too long im gonna try to make it shorter in the future lol

(also im taking requests! so send emmmm)

requests are open!

✎ masterlist

SeokJin

Jin would call you at 3am asking you to pick him up from a bar. You knew that the boys sometimes went out to grab a drink but this time Jin was alone which was weird. He didn’t- or couldn’t say much more than just “(Y/N) please can you come pick me up? Im at the usual place...”. 

When you got there he sat outside on a bench napping, you had to pretty much carry him to the car. He crashed at your place cause you thought him getting drunk might be because of some fight he had with the others. When he woke up he explained.

“Did I puke?”

“God I hope not...” you say worried looking around.

“Sorry... The bar had a drink called unicorn poop and it tasted like cotton candy and I think we all had one too many so the boys left without noticing I went to the bathroom...”

Just as he finished that sentence the front door busts open and 6 men run inside looking scared shitless. When they spot Jin on the couch they all sigh in relief.

“Thank god...”

( vv him being groggy af in the morning vv )

Namjoon

Namjoon can drink, everybody knows that. He is usually the one who acts the most sober and takes care of the others. But you’re not that bad of a drinker yourself. A few cocktails and a few shots is no biggie. So when you all went out one night Jin and Suga had to bring the lightweights home because they were all basically asleep 2.5  hours in. 

You and Namjoon were just beginning though. After another 1.5 hours of dancing and drinking your feet started to hurt and the music was getting too loud. You walk around to try to find Joon but he is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly somebody hugs you from behind. Getting ready to headbutt whatever creep is behind you, he says

“Can we go home now pleaaaase” 

You laugh at how dorky Joon is being. He’s only like this is he’s wasted. He becomes a 9 year old boy who has abandoment issues.

“Sure but you will need to let me go cause I can’t move when you are hugging me like this” you say as you laugh.

“Fine...” he says as he pouts.

The club is walking distans to their dorm so you decide to just walk with him and crash there. The 15 minute walk is filled with corny dad jokes, waves of compliments and occasional deep thoughts. You even have to save him from walking into a few lamp posts and poles.

Waking up at their dorms the day after you see a message on your phone. 

Namjoon 9:30

- we had to leave early for practice this morning but we left you some Doenjang soup. thanks for a fun night out and if you tell anyone about how drunk i was last night you are no longer allowed to borrow my clothes. ily :)

(vv you are yoongiiii vv)

Yoongi

You hear someone knocking at your door at 12pm. The smart thing to do is grab a frying pan and hide in the closet, but this is not the first time something like this has happened. Yoongi has a tendency to drink when he is feeling down and with the holidays coming up, the possibility of him not being able to spend it with his family usually gets to him. The sloppy, barely audible knocks also point to it being a drunk Yoongi.

Opening the door he is looking at his feet, hair covering his face. 

“Come in...” 

“Im sorry you always have to deal with me when I’m like this...” he mumbles.

He couldn’t really talk about it with the others because they are most likely just as upset or stressed. It would just end in 7 grown men drinking their sadness away together.

You don’t say much. You grab a beer, a bottle of water and a few blankets from your couch and drag him with you up to the roof of your apartment buildning. Thankfully it’s not freezing cold out and your hoodie plus a few layers of blankets is just enough to warm you. You sit down on the ground, not too far in the distans you can see the skyscrapers of Seoul and above you a clear, star-filled sky. This is where you always go when you feel down. Nothing can make your problems seem small better than skyscrapers and stars. 

Yoongi reaches for the bottle of beer when you swat his hand away.

“That is for me.” “This” ... you give him the water bottle ... “is for you”.

Yoongi sighs but takes the waterbottle and opens it to drink some. 

The rest of the night you talk about everything and nothing, you make him promise to call you if he ever feels bad enough to repeat this and when the clock reaches 3am, Jin calls and convinces Yoongi to go back to the dorms. He hugs you goodbye and holds you a little longer than usual giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“Thank you (Y/N), I owe you” 

Hoseok

Partying with J-hope always ends badly. He has a lot of fun without alcohol, so imagine him drunk. Yea he has way too much fun. He will dance too hard and spill someone’s drink, which leads to a fight. Maybe hit on someone’s girlfriend, which leads to a fight. Once he thought some other guy was Jungkook and playfully slapped him on the head, when the random dude turned around he pointed at someone else, which lead to a fight.

Usually the others can calm situations like that down, but in your case when drinking with hoseok alone, the goal was to stop those situations before they even started. 

“Heyyyy that guy looks like Donald Trump” Hoseok slurrs.

“What? Who? Nobody here it over 30...” you look around confused.

“Him over there! With the orange hair!” he says amused.

“Hoseok Donald Trump has orange skin not orange hair boi get your disses right”

“HEY, HEY DONALD!!” he yells at the guy.

“HOSEOK WTF” you whisper-shout as you cover his mouth.

The guy and his entire entourage looks at us confused as Hosoek waves happily at them. 

“Why are you always trying to get beaten up????” 

Jimin

Jimin sometimes drink too much and it can be because he feels a lot of pressure and alcohol can help relieve that. You followed them to Japan, their first world tour destination, to see the show and they were able to book you a hotel room in the same hotel as them. 

After eating dinner with all of them in Joon and Yoongis room they all wanted to sleep earlier because of the concert the next day but Jimin and Jungkook said you could hang a little longer with them by the bar.

Jungkook left after one beer but Jimin stayed with you. When you finished your first drink Jimin was already on his third. You could notice that he was feeling the alcohol because he smiled a little bit more and spoke a little less clearly

“You have a long day tomorrow Jimin, I think you should go to bed” you say slightly worried about his hangover tomorrow.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be able to sleep anyways...” Jimin says with a sad smile.

“Hm?” you look at him for an explanation.

“My anxiety hits the roof right before a concert, I have so many people I need to make proud and I will never be good enough for them...” he drinks what’s remaining in his glass. “I never feel like I’m enough compared to the others, you know?” his eyes start tearing up.

Your heart sinks and you pull him into a hug. “Don’t be stupid, everybody loves you and all your flaws. They don’t expect you to be perfect, they expect you to be human.” You grab his shoulders and push him up from your embrace, staring at him. “Your gonna go to bed, do your best tomorrow, and even if you mess up or don’t think you did well enough, you will still be loved by millions. I promise.”

He smiles and nods, he grabs your hand from his shoulders and says

“Comon’, let’s go to bed”

Taehyung

Taehyungs drunk stages are -a little extra hyper-, to - yelling alot-, to -wearing his shoes on his hands and telling everybody his deepest darkest secrets-, then waking up and remembering nothing.

In this case during you night out, he had told you some hella weird stuff like him having an ice kink, him having a sex dream about you, and that he likes whipped cream more that anything in the world... 

This definitaly scarred you since you see Tae as a brother so you felt like giving him some payback. Since he crashed at your place you knew exactly how. You went into the kitchen and grabbed an ice cube, you walked to the counch where he was sleeping and started to rub the ice cube against his face. 

“Mm- Huh?” He opened his eyes and stared at you slightly disturbed.

“Good morning taeee ~” you sing.

“Why the ice cube...” he looked at you suspiciously.

You just stared right back at him smirking.

“Oh no... what more did I say last night...”

Jungkook

Jungkook can sometimes be a bit of a lightweight. Now he can drink beer or wine just fine. But if its mixed drinks or shots, the boy can and will blackout.

“SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT EVERYBOOODY”

“Jungkook it’s 10pm... there’s like 13 people in this club...”

“Comonnnn pleaase just take a shot with me....”

He has already had a beer and three shots and you don’t feel like carrying his unconscious body back to the dorms. You know you would get yelled at by the others since you promised them to take it easy with the maknae. But knowing drunk Kookie, he is not going to let up.

“Fine. I’ll take shots with you right after I use the restroom ok? Wait here.”

He nods happily and starts to do something on his phone. You make sure he is not paying attention and go to the other end on the bar. The other bartender looks at you waiting for your order and you ask him to fill 2 shotglasses with water as you point to Jungkook. He nods and chuckles a little. Probably not his first time getting asked that.

You see him pat Jungkook on the shoulder as he points to something, when he is distracted the bartender replaces the two shot glasses nearest him with the glasses with water. He tells Jungkook nevermind and retreats.

“Ok let’s do this!” You tell him coming back from the “restroom”.

“WOO!” he yells as you clink your glasses together and drink the water.

“Wow I must be drunkk cause that tasted like water!” he says happily and starts to drag you to the dance floor.

“I’ve got a long night ahead of me...”

[fatokifavour12-blog]

Godsfavour Fatoki

Robert Lunday

ENGL 1301

December 12,2019

Two Year Experience, Forever Trip

A trip to Nigeria does not sound bad, right? Here is the catch; you have to leave your friends and family behind and can only communicate with your family through the phone. Feel like backing out?  This is the story of my life, March 2016. Who knew I was set to hear news that would eventually lead to me staying in Nigeria for two years? Nigeria is a place of culture, one that I did not know much about until the end of the trip. One of the perks about knowing your roots, is just having some background knowledge about where you came from. Which I was naïve too, but slowly began to appreciate.

Given that you had the opportunity to go and learn more about your culture, and where you come from. Will it be easy for you to drop your friends, pack your bags and travel off to your fatherland? Sound Bittersweet? It is not that simple, especially when you are not familiar with the environment. I was given the opportunity but had no say in the decision making. Despite the idea of the trip being bittersweet, if you knew a trip like this would change the way you think and view the world, would you still go? How about if you could not come back and visit the states during the holidays? Even tougher decision. Maybe now you can have a sense of what I endured for two years straight. Two years straight. In addition, there would be limited phone calls because of the time zone difference, and sleepless nights.

I was born in Nigeria, but raised in America. That being said, I can be categorized under the Generation 1.5. This refers to students who are citizens or residents of the US but whose home language is not English. For some of these students English can function as their primary language. In Nigeria, the main tribes or languages are Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa. I was born into a Yoruba home. You can tell a persons tribe by either their first and last name. For example, the Yoruba tribe is known for the “Olu, Oluwa and ola.” Before the trip, since I could barely speak the language, I had trouble distinguishing tribes from one another. Usually, whenever my parents would speak to me in Yoruba, I would have trouble interpreting and I would ask my sister to translate for me.

Before I returned to Nigeria for two years, I went to Cinco Ranch High School. While attending the school, we would have some foreign students, or some other Generation 1.5 students who had a senses of background knowledge of where they came from. Other Generation 1.5 students would be asked what their home country was like, and from there they would be able to pour out information that would have you like intrigued. I was in search for my own story to tell not, someone else’s something to let others know that “I know where I’m coming from,” “ I know my country.” That kind of topic can also lead to good conversations.

With all the fun I was having in America, I then faced the music. I was finally going to Nigeria. Did I want to go? No! Not at all. So, I was going to Nigeria, there were no further questions to be asked, my parents’ decision was final. They insisted that it will be beneficial in the end. I would be going to Nigeria with my older sister and my dad, leaving my two younger sisters and my mom behind. My older sister would soon return to America after her first year.

The plane ticket was booked for the fourth of September, and by this time Hurricane Harvey had struck Houston. While I counted the days leading to my departure, I also prayed that Harvey would hit George Bush Intercontinental Airport so that my flight, and only my flight, for Delta Airlines would be cancelled. Unfortunately, this was not the case .Departure day arrived and all the roads had cleared up. Still refusing to believe this was happening, there I stood in front of Gate C, with a carry-on bag and a suitcase of clothes.

My sisters were in tears as they watched me leave, as was my mom, who tried fake a smile. This was pretty aggravating considering the fact that she wanted me to go. “Ill see them soon, after all its just two years it will be quick. Let’s just make the most of it” I say to myself as I passed the checkout area. At the moment, I felt no need to cry or whine about it, because complaining would only make my it longer. I just had to take it as it was, as much as I felt like running away. Who knew what good could come from this?

The plane landed successfully on the fifth of September; school started on the eleventh. I would be attending Grace International High School, a boarding school in Lagos, Nigeria.

  The following day my dad used it as a day for relaxation, considering that we were coming from America we had to adjust to the time zone. My dad took me around town the next day, showing me some great places and sights. He showed me the hospital where I was born and the flat we stayed in when my mother was in labor.

I was born in a small hospital in Victoria Island. Victoria Island is a big area in Lagos. Lagos is like the suburbs of Nigeria. Lagos is the heart of Nigeria, this is where the money and power is mainly located. All the powerful people in the country stay in Lagos. In a sense Lagos is like the New York of Nigeria. This is where the most attractions are, and Victoria island is at the center of it. Most businesses and churches are established here.

On the seventh of September, we went to the school. We came here this day so I could see the school I would be attending. As we approached the gates of the boarding school, I began to have mixed emotions about it. Excitement and suspense filled my head as we came closer after the long car ride we had. As I stepped down from the car, I was told I would be taking my entrance exam. An exam of which I was not ready for at all. At this point my heart was basically racing and I was not happy with my dad for making that call. There was not anything I could do about the situation, so I did not complain out loud. The thought of failing crossed my mind at the time. “What would happen if I fail,” “I don’t want to fail and waist his money.” My dad made no attempt to calm me down; the only thing he would say was “you ready?” Now that was a rhetorical question any answer other than “yes” would result in a hot slap.

I walked in giving myself motivation. The examiner walked in and handed me my papers. She told me I would be doing a Math and English exam. She asked me the one I would like to do first, and I chose to do Math. As she handed me the paper she told me that I have an hour and thirty minutes. The math test felt easy up and till I reached question 25. I flipped through the remaining pages and realized that I had 50 Multiple choice questions, the remaining questions where non multiple choice. This caused me to start sweating in fear. I skipped question 25 and moved on “Is their any other easy question I could do?” I asked myself as I was running out of time. The examiner then walks in and says “Thirty five minutes left” and this is where I panicked “screw it A B C D!” I went straight to the non-multiple choice questions and could barely answer three questions. My heart sank after submitting the paper, I fought back my tears as the examiner handed me the English exam. Knowing how bad I did on the Math, I was determined to breeze past the English paper. I felt the English paper was somewhat easy, but not bad enough for me to fail.

The examiner checked my work and gave my father back the result. They discussed in Yoruba for a while, I eavesdropped, and only picked out phrases in what they were talking about. The were saying something along the lines of “he needs improvement, but he has been accepted.” A wave of relief filled me inside, and it must have been contagious because it showed on my fathers’ face. My dad now paid the school fees that I had so I could get my school clothes and books.

They sent us downstairs so I could get my uniform for the boarding house and for school. The boarding house uniform we would wear for any activity other than sports that took place downstairs. The boarding house uniform was a checkered blue shirt and khaki pants for the boys and a checkered pink gown for the girls. The school uniform was strictly for school and school excursions such as debate club competitions. The school uniform was a green long-sleeved button-down shirt with a tie and colored whine pants with black shoes and socks. I was absolutely disgusted by the uniform. It was evident that who ever had the idea of such nasty looking uniforms had no fashion sense whatsoever. The two colors did not fit together in any sense, my dad told me to manage the clothes because there is nothing we can do but get it fitted.

  The first year was off to a rocky start, friends did not come easy, I was a little secluded because I was missing home. I was falling a little behind in some of my classes, because it was pretty difficult for me to balance 11 subjects. I was doing Calculus, Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Computer, Catering, Civic studies, Yoruba, Geography and English. Some of these subjects I was being taught as a fresh subject. I had enrolled into the school as a year 11 student, and my mates have been taught these subjects since year 10. In order to make good grades I would stay back for tutorials, and I would read over night. It was not as easy as school in America, because I was used to taking only seven classes a school year.

In the school we had three terms a school year, I did not feel comfortable till the second term. I became friendlier but was not feeling true to myself. So I became a little more withdrawn and did not give anybody a chance to speak bad about me. Before I left I was a bit of a extrovert, me having the mindset of “I do not want to be here” really kept me from making friends. I still managed to figure it out because I could not help but talk. It was not until my second year that I began to feel more comfortable; though this was the year I felt more alone because my sister was not there with me, I became more independent. I started to branch out to more people than I did my first year. My dad would call me sometimes but it was not as frequent as it was my first year in the school. At this point I had not been missing home as much I was before and I felt more free with people.

The boarding house was pretty awkward at first primarily because of their restrooms; the place where we shower was not divided by any stalls or curtains. When we shower we could see each other’s private parts, which too me was very uncomfortable. It took me a couple days to get used to the showers. Inside the boarding house phones were not allowed, and this really prevented me from talking to all my former friends. Instead of phones, they allowed tablets sadly there was no free Wi-Fi. So some kids would hack the principal’s server and steal their Wi-Fi.

The boarding house was ran by the boarding house master, and the Boarding house prefect and the seniors. The school has elections that they do for every set of kids for every school year. The seniors were basically in charge whenever the boarding house master was not around. The seniors often abuse their power when it is given to them. The seniors bully their juniors. By junior I mean any student in the grade below. The boarding house had students from the 7th grade to the 12th. So the seniors had had wide range of students to pick on, I was in the 11th grade. The seniors gave the 11th graders some regard because they will soon be entering 12th grade so conflict between them was not much.

The prefects and students were allowed to belt other students, meaning that they could use a belt and deal with the students that were misbehaving. The boarding house master would use and object we called “cane,” which is basically like a tree branch. The cane could be used by a teacher, the principal and the vice principal. The boarding house master was known for his good arm. For an old aging man you would be surprised at how fast his hands move. The fear of being beaten by either one of those objects really got to me. So I was really cautious with how i acted in front of certain people and in different situations. I would often stop my juniors or mates from doing wrong to the juniors, but after a while I just got tired and lazy. Being mean to others people seemed to be the trend, which I nearly followed along to. The seniors do not like to be told what they were doing wrong, and when told it would result in a beat down to the students.

The experience shaped me to be who I was today; the nights I barely got any sleep really paid off in the end. It really opened up a part of me that I did not know I had. I had become more familiar with my culture and began to appreciate the side of me I did not know much about. I learned to appreciate what I had and I became more grateful for what I had. In Nigeria, not everybody has enough money to plan a trip to abroad, but I went there and came back. With all that I have seen in the country it had me thinking about how I could contribute to the society, a lot needs to be done to the country to speed up development. For that I thank God I went. Without the trip I do not think I would have sense of independence , I really went in to depth with my roots.

I have established a social network that will be useful to me in the future, the people I met will and can benefit me in the future. The friendships I have made with the people I met over seas I really enjoyed my time with will come in handy when I plan my return to the country soon.  You never know what you can do till you go through it alone.

[goodfemalecharacters]

14x07 Coda: Beanstalks

Destiel, Sam and Rowena hanging out.  1.5 k

Sam feels wrung out, like he can’t even summon one last drop of emotion about this latest failure.  Instead, he watches, numb, as Jack’s chest rises and falls at increasingly ragged intervals.

It feels like sitting across from Dean in a ratty motel room as the clock wound down, two days from the end, already imagining the way a hellhound’s claws would sound on the linoleum.  It feels like demon blood in emptied-out milk cartons and the Horsemen’s rings digging into his palms.

Inevitable.  Permanent.

Except not really, because neither of those endings had ever really been the end.  Sam can’t help but think that this really is it.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Rowena says.

Dean and Cas have long since vanished into another corner of the bunker.  Sam can’t help but think that his brother is looking for one of the bottles of ridiculously expensive whiskey that Crowley stashed in various weird places around the bunker.  As for Cas—well.  He hopes he’s going to angelically clean out Dean’s liver afterwards.

“No, wait.”

She pauses in the doorway, one hand resting on the doorframe.  Sam has been meaning to talk to her for weeks now, but things have been a bit crazy lately.  This time is as good as any.

“We need to talk.”

Rowena raises one manicured eyebrow, suspicion seeping from every ounce of her expression.  Sam clears his throat, looks back at Jack.  It seems wrong to have this conversation in front of him.

“At least get something to drink before you go,” Sam says, before he even really knows what he’s saying. “On the house.”

She follows him through to the kitchen.  Luckily, Dean and Cas haven’t retreated there.  It was his brother’s refuge for a long time, but ever since the bunker started getting regular visitors from the refugee hunters, he hasn’t been sticking around there as much.  Sam has been meaning to talk to him about it.  Oh well.  The problem will still be there once Jack—after he—

“Did you drive?” he asks, opening the fridge.

Rowena stares at him. “Samuel.  Are you implying that I can’t hold my liquor?  I do have magic, you know.”

Sam shakes his head.  Lately, he’s been keeping an eye on alcohol intake around the bunker.  For one, he doesn’t want Lebanon’s single police officer to pull over someone who doesn’t legally exist for driving under the influence.  

Screw hunter culture or however Dean describes it.  The last thing he needs is a bunch of miniature John Winchesters walking around.

Rowena finally settles on one of those fruity wine coolers that Mom keeps around (“Don’t judge me, they taste good!”).  Sam snags a beer for himself and drops on to one of the benches next to the table.  Rowena sits herself primly across from him.

“What is this about?”

Sam lets out a breath. “Nick.  Lucifer’s vessel.”

Rowena’s face goes a shade lighter than her usual, her sharp features and makeup standing out against the white. Sam resists the urge to reach across the table and comfort her.  Rowena, after all, isn’t a thing like the other world’s hunters.

“He’s alive.”

She stands up, sending the bench skittering behind her.  The wine cooler nearly tips over.  Sam holds his hands out, palms up, placating.

“You told me Dean killed him!”

Her voice is at least an octave higher than normal.  Sam clears his throat.

“He’s dead.  You think I’d lie about that?”

Rowena holds his gaze for a long moment, searching for something that she can’t find.  Some trick.  Sam lets her think.

“But this—this Nick.  He survived?”

Sam shrugs. “Wound to the side.  Fatal to an archangel because of the blade, but not quite enough to kill a human.”

That’s what he’s been telling himself, anyway.  He has to.  If he thinks about Gadreel, lurking in his subconscious, hidden until he chose to reveal himself, he’ll never sleep again.

“He’s been missing for a few weeks,” Sam explains. “I think staying—seeing hunters, seeing me—it was too much for him.  I just wanted you to know, in case you ran into him somehow.”

It was exactly the sort of ridiculous coincidence that wouldn’t even surprise him at this point.

Rowena sits in silence for a long time, contemplating it.  At last, Sam can’t keep the question in any longer.

“Why did you help Jack?” Sam asks. “Knowing who his father is—”

Rowena drains her drink in one quick swig that Sam hasn’t seen from anyone but Dean. “Lucifer killed me once, Samuel.”

Sam looks down.  He can’t even really feel the table beneath his grip, but he’s holding on tightly enough to bleach his knuckles white.  Rowena can’t meet his eyes, either.  They both just stare ahead of them.

“It took him twenty-three minutes,” she continues, voice so quiet that Sam can hardly hear it. “Twenty-three minutes for one death.”

She begins to pull a peacoat over her shoulders.

“He had you for 63,072,008 if Fergus was to be believed.”

Sam flinches despite himself.  Wonders what else Crowley knew about his time downstairs.  Wonders who was counting.

“Yet you look at that boy and all I can see is love.”

He nods.  Suddenly, despite the fact that he hasn’t cried throughout this entire ordeal, Sam’s throat closes over.

“There must be something special about him.”

Sam swallows, wills for the feeling to go away.  When he finally manages to meet Rowena’s eyes again, she offers him a small, sad smile.  He thinks about the Book of the Damned and the spell that needed a young Scottish man.

“Careful.  You’re getting sentimental.”

It’s like Rowena’s pulled a shade over her expression. “Don’t go expecting it again, Sam Winchester.”

Cas is usually a pretty quiet guy.  But when he doesn’t say a word as he brushes by Dean out the door, Dean follows him.  To his surprise, Cas doesn’t head to Jack’s room to grab his favored hoodie or to his own for some time to himself.  Instead, he heads for the front door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Dean demands, just as Cas hits the steps without acknowledging him.

Cas spins around, fast enough that the coat whips behind him. “I’m going to Sergei, and I’m going to kill him.  Then, I’m going to ransack his trailer until I find something that can help Jack.”

There’s a desperation in his eyes that Dean remembers from the days of the civil war with Raphael.  His heart lurches at the thought that that version of Cas could ever return.

“Cas.  Come on, man, he doesn't’t have anything.  He’s a scammer.  We should have expected that from any associate of Ketch’s.”

They’d been so desperate for any solution that they’d been willing to take the handful of magic beans.  They should have known better.

For a moment, he thinks that Cas is going to ignore him and fly off in a huff anyway.  Instead, something in him crumples.  His shoulders sag, and suddenly the trench coat looks several sizes too large.  Dean guides him to sit beside him on the steps.

“You did everything you could.”

Cas just stares straight ahead. “I told Kelly I would protect him.  I thought that would mean from the outside world.  Not his own body.”

Dean places a hand on his knee and squeezes gently.  Cas leans into his side.

“He told me today that he had a good life.”

Cas’s breath catches.  Thinking back on the memory of it—the rush of the water, the quiet whirring noise of his line whipping out into the river—Dean can’t quite breathe right, either.  Jack was right.  He’s been thinking about that time Bobby took him fishing ever since the other version of him stepped through the rift.

“He spent half of it being tortured by Michael,” Cas manages.

Dean closes his eyes.  He hasn’t spoken about it to Sam yet, but sometimes he thinks he knows just as much about Michael as he does about him.  Thinks he can see things from before the possession, like Mom screaming.  Jack locked in a cage.  The world in flames.

“If it had been up to me,” Dean says once he manages to shake the disturbing images from his mind, “I would have killed him.”

Cas flinches, but Dean keeps talking.

“Once I knew what he was capable of, I wouldn’t have stopped looking until I found a way to ice him.  But you and Sam, you wouldn’t give up on him.  You’re the reason he thinks he’s had a good life.”

Cas laughs, bitter. “He doesn’t know any better.”

At that, Dean can’t help a smile. “Hell, Cas, do any of us?  You think any sane person would think I’ve had a good life?”

Cas stares at him in that searing, angelic way of his.  The kind of look that used to make Dean wonder just how much angels could read minds. “Do you?”

Dean looks out on the rest of the bunker in front of him.  Growing up in motel rooms, he’d never known what it was like to have a home you couldn’t pace to the other end of.  Hadn’t known what it was like to rely on more than just Sam and Dad.

“Yeah,” he says at last, dropping his hand from Cas’s knee.

He tangles his fingers in Cas’s instead.  Cas smiles down, fleetingly, at their joined hands.

“You’ve helped.”

Cas’s grip tightens. “I don’t want him to hurt.  He—he’s a child, still, even if he doesn’t look it.”

Dean lets out a breath. “Yeah.”

He can’t stand the thought of just letting Jack waste away, but what other choice do they have?

“Come here.”

He pulls Cas into a sloppy sideways hug, complicated by the railings and the fact that they’re both sitting down.  If Cas is uncomfortable, he doesn't show it.  He just burrows further into Dean’s arms.  Dean presses a kiss to the top of his head.

Finally, Dean lets go.

“Go get a Star Wars movie, all right?  I’m gonna get the TV set up so he can watch it with us.”

Cas lets out a shuddering breath.  Then, he squares his shoulders. “I refuse to watch the first one again.”

Dean rolls his eyes, faking a lighter tone. “You mean the best film ever made?  Fine, but I pick the snacks.”

There’s not a lot they can do for Jack, sure.  But what they can do, they’ll do together.

(ao3)

[littlecrookedheart]

Hold Onto Me, Chapter 1

Pairing : Damien Nazario x Ryan Park

Rating : Mature. This is very suggestive but is NOT NSFW. There is no sexual activity in this, but it is mentioned and hinted at. Please read at your own discretion.

Time : 1.5 Years after the Eros business has ended.

Word Count : 4,015

Author’s Note : This is the beginning of a series I've been working on. I really hope you enjoy it! Please let me know if you'd like to see more. (I'm currently on part 4!) Also, I'm posting this on my phone so I apologize in advance for any weird formatting.

Disclaimer : I do not own these characters. I’ve added a bit of a flare to them for the sake of this piece, but they do not belong to me.

A cool breeze drifted through the buildings, all awake and bustling on this early September morning. Damien Nazario walked along the sidewalk, effortlessly dodging passerbys, his hands in the pockets of a warm black jacket. The wind whipped through his hair, messing up what ever neatness he'd worked toward before heading out. It was growing a little longer than usual, as was his stubble. He normally kept himself a bit more clean cut, but not totally, giving a little freedom to his locks. But now he had Ryan, who, for the past year and a half, had made it her mission to coax him into growing it. 'If anything,' she'd say, 'please grow the beard. Just a small one! I'm not asking for father time.' Truth was, he really liked it. The idea may have been born from her requests, but he'd keep it either way. It felt more him, which was exactly what he needed.

A year and a half after the adventure from hell had officially ended, and he still woke up in the middle of the night, calling her name in fear. These nights, though, she was always there. She'd always wrap her arms around him, allowing him to bury his face into her chest, running her fingers through his hair, humming to him gently. He'd always come back down within seconds of her reassurance, but she'd keep him there, close to her heart, relaxing his mind into a gentler rest. And every morning, he'd wake up refreshed, having had better dreams. Every morning, she'd kiss him and hold him, and neither of them would ever say a word about the nightmares.

He was working through them, seeing a therapist three times a week and keeping a journal. The dreams had gotten less intense, and less common, but still haunted him a few times per week. Therapy said that was normal.

Therapy also said that it would be normal for him to create barriers between himself and loved ones, and taught him a healthy way to try to prevent that, and an even healthier way to work through it when it did happen. It was always easier said than done, and it never felt normal.

She'd never say it, but he knew Ryan noticed his slight withdrawal from her. They'd gone from being magnetic toward each other to being hit and miss magnets, pulling one another in, but never at the same moments, always missing the mark by the smallest amount. Things had been lackluster for a couple of months.

Ryan never looked at him differently. She never even showed the slightest annoyance, only gratefulness, only hope, only love. Damien had known for years that she was all he wanted, that he'd do anything for her, and that he wanted to be in love with her for the rest of his life. He knew that they had that, he knew her love for him and saw it constantly in all of the ways she showed him, but despite all of it, this hiccup scared him to the core.

He wasn't sure how things spiraled so quickly. He could even think back to the middle of July, their bodies tangled within one another, unable to keep their hands and mouth away from each other. He knew that it was his doing, his shifting - that was creating a gap. He'd kiss her, and she'd return it, but the feeling would fizzle out, being replaced with thoughts he'd rather not have. She'd touch him, and he'd feel a surge of electricity in his body, the need to have her completely to himself. But then, as if by magic, the feeling would dissipate.

Instead of giving in to what they both needed, he'd focus on the darkness in the back of his head. He knew that was what was pulling him back, and from that realization he'd been working on it and through it, determined to mend it. Ryan had been staying with Hayden and Sloane for a couple of nights, a sleepover weekend that they'd planned for months. It gave Damien the space and time to prepare and gather his thoughts. He knew what he needed to do, and he knew he'd never stop trying until they were themselves together again.

He pulled out his phone to check the time before sending Ryan a message.

I'll be there in about 10 minutes

His phone chimed almost immediately.

Door is unlocked, cinnamon rolls are almost ready! See you then. 💕

He smiled to himself before putting his phone away, his mind drifting to her, and all of the words he wanted to say.

-------

"Yeah, that sounds ideal," Sloane softly spoke, holding her phone to her ear with one hand, the other scooping coffee into a French press. A sweet, autumnal fragrance of mocha and warmth was wafting through the halls. Hayden peered around the corner, their hair sticking up at wacky angles.

"Something smells amazing," they said, plopping into one of four breakfast stools at the counter island.

"Morning, bedhead," Ryan giggled, "I've got cinnamon rolls baking. Shouldn't be too long before they're finished." She tapped her phone, replying to a text from Damien, smiling to herself before sliding it back into her pocket.

Hayden's eyes lit up, a sweet smile across their face. "That sounds divine."

Sloane tapped her foot, still on the phone, repeating herself, "Yes, Auntie P, I think that'll be fine."

'What's up?' Hayden mouthed toward Ryan.

She slid into the seat beside them and whispered, "It's her aunt again. Her cousin's wedding is on Saturday and this is probably the fourth call this morning."

Hayden's eyes widened, accompanied by a roll and sigh. "How does she do it?"

Ryan shrugged, hopping up before pulling on two oven mitts and lifting the cinnamon rolls out of the oven. Hayden smiled as Ryan placed a fresh one onto a dish and slid it across the surface of the island. "You might want to wait a second, it's super hot."

Hayden and Ryan both noticed how much steam was rolling off of it, Ryan quietly laughing at herself before Hayden joked, "You don't say?"

Ryan swatted Hayden's shoulder with the oven mitt as she passed, handing a dish to Sloane, who was now pouring three mugs of coffee.

"Auntie P, I swear to you, I will do everything I can once I arrive, but until then, my hands are tied. I've already emailed the florist and caterer several times and they've asked me to relay that, yes, they do remember Shelly's wedding in five days, and yes, they do plan to be there with both floral arrangements and many servings of food." Sloane's tone grew agitated, as did her face.

Hayden walked over to her, pulling her into a one armed hug. "All is well. You can do this," they whispered, Sloane nodding in response.

"Auntie P, if you'd like me to call the venue, I have to get off of the phone with you, first." Sloane smacked her hand to her forehead. "Yep. Yes. I know. I've got it. Okay Auntie P, I'm going to hang up now, bye!" she touched the end call button and slid her phone across the counter, leaning on the surface with her elbows before resting her head in her hands. Hayden reached over, rubbing comforting circles on Sloane's back. "Remind me why I volunteered to help with this?" Sloane said, flatly.

"You're generous and kind and you want to help people," Ryan said, walking over to wrap Sloane in a hug. Hayden grabbed their cinnamon bun, gesturing for the two girls to follow them to the living room. Ryan slipped a large heat resistant pad beneath the pan of cinnamon rolls and set it down on the coffee table, sitting cross legged on the floor across from the couch where Hayden and Sloane were.

"Hey," she said, turning her head toward Sloane, "You've got this. Even if you don't, you've got the both of us, and we can help you."

"Plus, we're really fun, too. Not only do you have two of the world's best wing people to help you hit on formally dressed cuties at the wedding, you also have two of the most sleuthy cake smugglers in the game." Hayden laughed, throwing an arm around Sloane's shoulder.

"Oh, for sure!" Ryan said, serving herself a cinnamon roll. "First things first, always ganache. Make sure you get center pieces! Second, and arguably most importantly, it'll all work out."

"Yeah! You're right," Sloane said, "I hope so. This time I do actually know that I'm not the one over thinking this. As for that cake? I have a feeling it'll be just as extravagant as the rest of their lives." She smiled, sinking her teeth into the warm bun. "Also, this is delicious!" she exlaimed, pointing at her mouth. "So good!"

Ryan smiled. "It was my granna's recipe. She taught my dad, and he taught me. The secret ingredient is-"

The front door swings open, revealing a very rugged looking Damien, flipping a wave of hair out of his eye and smiling. "Let me guess," he closed the door and turned back to the three of them, "I'll take 'love,' for 500, Alex." He scooped a cinnamon bun into his hand and collapsed into a chair.

Ryan rolled her eyes, trying to hold back a smile. "Actually, it's vanilla."

Damien cocked his eyebrow. "So...basically the entire opposite of you?" Ryan playfully shoved him, puckering her lips. He smiled, pressing his lips to hers.

"Morning, by the way," Hayden laughed, giving Damien a small wave, which he reciprocated, mouth full of pastry.

"Jesus, this is delicious," he said, sounding muffled through his chewing. Ryan sat in his lap, slinging an arm around him and resting her head on his. He swallowed his bite, looking up at her.

For a second, Ryan caught her breath, taking in the details of Damien's face. She'd done this before, having memorized all of the emerald and tawny flecks in his dark eyes, and the fullness of his long lashes. Each time she got caught in his face like this, she could feel her eyes and heart well with emotion, unable to think about a single thing apart from how much she loved him.

She noticed every detail, like his eyebrows that were naturally well kempt, but the left one always had a few extra wonky hairs on the tapered edge. She loved those the most. Damien's stubble was growing in thicker than it had before, which she adored. She knew he'd done it for her, which made it all the more beautiful, and she loved the way it felt against her skin when he kissed her.

There were the faintest formations of smile crinkles at the edge of his eyes, and she thought to herself, If I ever give this man anything, I want it to be smile lines.

"Earth to Ryan," he said, redirecting her attention and gesturing toward Hayden.

"Sorry," she said, quietly, her mind obviously elsewhere. Hayden held out a dark gray, unmarked envelope. She took it and ran her finger under the seal, popping it open. "What's this?"

Hayden sat back on the couch, saying, "Remember that favor you asked me for?"

Ryan quickly stood to her feet, rushing to Sloane's room, leaving both Hayden and Damien in a whirlwind of confusion, and daresay curiosity.

Sloane was on the phone again when Ryan ran in, frantically closing the door behind her. "I'm going to go now, bye!" she exlaimed, pressing the end call button. "Should I ask?"

Ryan grinned. "Hayden gave me these right in front of Damien." She handed Sloane the envelope, resting her back against the door. "They're not really tame, so beware."

"Oh my god, Ryan. These are amazeballs!" She exlaimed, sorting through an arrangement of polaroids. In all of them, Ryan posed seductively, holding a birthday cake with candles reading '31.' Some of them pictured her wearing Damien's favorite jacket, her bare skin exposed underneath, others had her wearing lingerie. "He is going to die!"

"You really think?" She asked, sitting next to Sloane, reviewing them over her shoulder.

"Um, yes. Hayden really did a good job on these! Do you think I should do something like this? I don't have as much confidence as you do, but maybe this would help."

"You should be able to feel free and sexy! The cconfidence boost is really just a bonus. I think everyone should do these while they're young. One day, we'll look back and think about how hot we were."

"I think we still will be!" Sloane said, a big smile on her face.

"I hope you're right! I think we will be, too." Ryan took the photos, closing them within the envelope and stuffing it into a high place within Sloane's closet. "I really want his birthday to be the best he's had yet."

"It's next Thursday, right?" she asked, Ryan nodding in confirmation. "I'll help with anything you need!"

"Thanks, Sloane. What would I do without you?"

"Probably exactly the same things, but a little less fun."

"You've got me there. Definitely less fun."

Sloane's mouth curved to a small smile before she flopped backwards on her bed and pulled a pillow over her face.

"You okay?" Ryan asked, resting a hand reassuringly on Sloane's arm. Sloane slowly pulled the pillow from her face and adjusted her glasses, letting out a big sigh.

"I don't know how one person is supposed to do all of this planning," she said, "I feel like my head is going to pop off! I agreed to help because I love my cousin, but the rest of my family has been so negative. They just keep harping me, trying to change plans last minute, and making me feel confused about things I normally wouldn't feel confused about! It doesn't help that they're like, extremely rich. They have the highest expectations of anyone I've ever known. That's why I'm helping plan the wedding, they couldn't find someone they thought was good enough. But now they're acting like I'm not good enough, either." Her eyes welled with tears, but she quickly slid her hands under the frames of her glasses and wiped them away. "I just feel overwhelmed."

"You're perfectly justified for feeling that way! Weddings are supposed to be fun, not miserable. You were kind to offer to help your cousin, and your family needs to back off a little. Making you frazzled will only result in issues within the planning, which is the opposite of what they're going for. They have to realize that."

Sloane sat up, leaning her head into her hands and rubbing her temples.

"Even if they dont," Ryan continued, "they should. And they should also appreciate everything you've done and everything you're doing. I know I would." She wrapped her arms around Sloane, giving her a tight hug. "Don't let them get you down. If you feel lost, you have us," she said, putting her hands on Sloane's shoulders and looking at her face, "and we will never, ever treat you that way " she pulled her into another hug, rocking side to side. "You're one of my best friends. I will always be here for you."

Sloane grinned, her eyes still a bit misty. She laughed and crossed her arms over her chest, saying, "Thank you, Ryan. Honestly. I am really happy to know you! And thanks for staying over for the sleepover, I know Hayden loved it. So did I! I didn't mean to make it sound like only Hayden had fun. It was a blast!"

Ryan raised and eyebrow and giggled. "Sloane, you are the silliest person I know. I had fun too! I don't think I will ever pass up on a slumber party, no matter how old I am."

A quick, small knock came from Sloane's bedroom door before it opened slightly, Hayden peeking their head in.

"We're coming," Ryan said, pulling Sloane out of her seated position and onto her feet. "This one just needed a little pick me up."

Hayden entered the room, giving Sloane a hug, and they both made their way back into the living room. As if on cue, Sloane's phone started ringing. She excused herself with a sigh, this time Hayden following her out of the room. Ryan gathered the dishes from breakfast and set them on the counter, covering the remaining cinnamon rolls before setting them to the side. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a hair tie, whipping her hair into a messy bun and rolling her sleeves up to start the dishes.

"So, did you have fun?" Damien asked, sidling up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Her scent was hypnotic, an airy but dark floral aroma with hints of cinnamon. He started to contemplate how long it had been since he paid attention to how good she smelled, but pushed it away from his mind before it became daunting. He pressed a kiss just beneath her ear, his breath on her neck just as he pulled away. Her skin erupted in goosebumps as she rolled her neck to the side in reaction. Damien chuckled before placing his chin back where it had been.

"It was great," she said, her hands full of suds, "Hayden really hasn't done the traditional slumber party things, so we tried to do a little of everything...including prank calls. We watched a few movies, had popcorn, and basically just lounged around in various face masks and whatnot."

"Face masks? No wonder your skin is more radiant than usual today. You look a little extra beautiful."

"I'm not sure how much that has to do with those face masks, I think it might be a little extra happiness!"

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Are you asking me why I'm happy?"

"Yes, but mostly because I'm hoping to be on that list of reasons."

"You're a big one of those reasons," she said, feeling Damien's chin move as he smiled just before turning his head into her neck to leave another kiss. "You'd better stop that, mister."

"Mm? And what happens if I don't?" he taunted, a smile still across his face.

"Oh...you'll just have to see."

Damien deepened his kisses, running one hand up the side of Ryan's top, trailing it on her skin and resting it on her hips.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Ryan said, a mischievous smirk on her lips. She spun around, quickly wrapping her arms around him and looking into his eyes.

"You look naughty," he breathed, leaning in to kiss her. When they broke apart, Ryan devilishly grinned at him before plopping huge, drippy handfuls of soap onto his head. Damien jumped backwards, touching his now wet hair, covered in bubbles. He scooped them up and rubbed them on Ryan's chin, catching her in his arms before she could get away. He tickled her sides, her body writhing beneath his fingers. She slumped to the ground, trying to catch her breath, soap splotches down her outfit and on her face. Damien plopped down on the floor next to her, grabbing a towel from the counter on the way. He wiped the suds off of her face, handing her the towel to get the rest.

"How are you feeling now?" she giggled.

"Like maybe I need to learn your variations of naughty," Damien laughed, running his hands through his hair to brush out the rest of the bubbles.

"I couldn't help myself," she smiled, using the towel to dry Damien's damp hair. "You looked like you needed a bath!"

"Ha ha," he said sarcastically. "You know just < what I need." He winked at her. She smiled, but they were both silent for a moment.

"...You wouldn't have actually done that in our friends' kitchen, I know that much."

"You underestimate me, Ryan." He kissed her, deeply, longingly, his hand on the back of her neck. After a moment, he pulled away, leaving her speechless. "I've missed you." Her eyes met his, softly smiling before looking away.

She got to her feet, straightening her clothes. She grabbed a new towel from a nearby linen drawer and began drying the clean dishes. "I've missed you too," she said, quietly. "I didn't know how much until just then, though."

Damien stood up, taking the dry dishes from her and placing them in their cupboards. "What exactly did you miss?"

Ryan glanced sidelong at him, biting her lip. Before she could respond, Sloane reentered the room, setting her suitcase on top of the dining table and unzipping it. Damien cleared his throat.

“Is everything okay, Sloane?”

“Hm? Yes! Everything is fine. Thank you, Damien.” She said, not making eye contact.

“You sure?” Ryan asked, uncertainty across her face.

“Yeah! I’m sure. I just spoke to my cousin and she’s expecting me in town tonight.”

“I thought we were leaving in the morning and arriving tomorrow evening?” Damien said.

“Well….apparently someone bought me a ticket for a flight that leaves in an hour,” she said, frantically running between the hall closet and her suitcase, filling the inner pockets with extra toothpaste, floss, and other bits and bobs.

“Okay,” Ryan exclaimed, shutting the last of the cabinets, “are you okay to go alone? We can come with you for moral support.”

“Oh! I couldn’t ask that of you. You can just leave in the morning.”

Hayden came down the hall, a garment bag holding Sloane’s bridesmaids dress in hand. They set it on the table before saying, “Sloane, what I think Ryan meant to say is that we’re coming with you whether you like it or not, because we are your friends and you don’t exactly hide your stress.”

Sloane stopped and glanced at the three of them. “Is it that obvious?”

Damien nodded. “We care about you. So if that means we’re leaving tonight, I don’t think any of us are objecting.”

Sloane smiled. “Thanks, guys. This means a lot to me.” She immediately went back to frantically packing. Hayden sighed before gesturing toward their room to pack as well.

“We’ll see you guys soon,” Damien said, gathering Ryan’s bags.

“Yes! I will text you, Ryan.” Sloane yelled back as she ran down the hallway.

—-

Ryan unlocked the door to her apartment, stopping short as she noticed a bundle of wildflowers on the table in front of her. Damien set her bags down and closed the door, handing the bundle to her. He ran a hand through his hair. “I really did miss you.”

She looked around the space in her apartment, all of which was tidy, a light seasonal scent emitting from a nearby wax warmer. “Damien, this looks so nice. Thank you for this,” she said, turning to kiss him. Their lips met, both of them entranced with one another. Ryan’s hands instinctively moved to the buttons on Damien’s pants, but before she could take action, he broke the kiss.

“Ryan…we have an hour to pack and get to the airport. As much as I want to-”

She sighed, “I know. Let’s just pack.”

Damien turned away, rolling his eyes at himself. Two months ago, he would have done anything to have those moments with her. He would have cut it close on time, throwing punctuality out of the window. He wanted to, he just seemed to trip over himself these days, no matter how hard he kicked himself afterward. He wasn’t sure how to break away from this weird pattern. You love this woman. What is your problem?

Brushing it off, they both grabbed travel bags from under Ryan’s bed, folding clothes and filling them. Ryan had been thinking about the space between them, what seemed to have abruptly grown since the start of the month. How many times in just over two months did she fight back tears? In such a small amount of time, she felt like Damien had separated himself from her. What had she done differently? Maybe if I do more for him. Maybe if I try something new in bed. Maybe if I give him space. Nothing seemed to fit the mold.

For going on two years they’d had a marvelous experience learning each others desires and fulfilling them, having the best sex life that either of them had ever had. Not only that, they’d both found connections and love in deeper ways than ever before, probably more than they realized. The romance was there, the friendship was there - but there was no intimacy, and that didn’t speak for just sex. All of their moments seemed to be hit and miss. What if I’m over reacting? All she knew, at this point, was that whatever it took, she wasn’t giving up.