#he says like 2 sentences this chapter but he’s very sleepy

[shootingthe-stars]

chapter 6 of the jily but also wolfstar zombie apocalypse au is out!!

james is having trouble coping with sirius’s actions and they have a chit chat

chapter 6 or chapter 1

[duelacadatoolshed]

it's a bitch convincing people to like you {Evan/Reader/HABIT}

Part 1/4

{ part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 }

Summary: You really, really love your boyfriend, but you also really wish he'd told you he was occasionally, and very literally, possessed by the most irritating murder-goblin you could ever imagine before HABIT woke you up instead of Evan one morning. Except how would he have even started that conversation?

Warnings: violence, brief graphic imagery (like a sentence, courtesy of HABIT, naturally), knives, implied HABIT cruelty & behaviour. Unedited.

A/N: emhposting in 2024. based on this post if U wanna see the full fic concept. I have like 4 chapters locked and loaded but I can't promise anything beyond that. Future chapters do contain darker themes and sexual content. but I love writing HABIT and I like his dynamic with the reader here. like it if you like it, or comment, or anything. Print it out and eat it. If you hated it send it to your enemies.

The only thing worse than enduring HABIT was the thought of letting Evan suffer him alone. That's what you'd remind yourself when it's the middle of the night and your Advil is wearing off and the wounds along your body have started to ache again. Evan was sleeping soundly next to you, arm across you, holding you tightly, which he tends to do now more than he doesn't on the nights that he's home. Sometimes you wonder how the hell he even gets to sleep; you know he's not faking it because he always wakes up screaming. Still, you prefer those nights to the ones where HABIT wakes instead. That was how you'd meet him that first night.

The feeling of nails digging into your side wakes you.

"You're new," you hear the incredulous, raspy voice of what you think is your boyfriend, and you try to shove his hand away, mumbling that that hurt. Like a lightning flash, however, your hands were pinned to the bed either side of your head, as the creature wearing your boyfriend's face straddles your hips. But you don't notice the malevolent grin, nor the cruel glint of intrigue in his eyes, still waking up. You actually were a little excited by this unexpected show of dominance, and couldn't help the sleepy, flirty grin that spread across your lips.

"Oh, it's like that?" You purred, hips shifting beneath him, "good morning."

For a moment he seems caught up in you, then he looks around.

"Where the fuck are we?"

"Evan," you start to grow more confused, watching him, noticing more and more how out of character he was behaving, "we're at my place, remember?" He looks around again, slower this time, then back at you. There's no missing the malevolence in his eyes this time. This time, when you whisper his name with concern, he grins.

"Not quite."

He calls himself Evan's worse half. He calls himself HABIT. He calls you Little Rabbit with a dark grin.

HABIT talks more than he doesn't. That first night he paces your room, tearing things apart looking for some sort of weapon even as you insist you don't have -

"Not even a box cutter for arts and fuckin' crafts? What the fuck is wrong with you, don't you have a fucking hobby?" He bites out, and you, still utterly confused and now downright terrified, tremble in the corner of your bed. He bemoans not being able to stay and have fun, says he's got a schedule to keep, but before he leaves, he approaches you. When your foot lashes out, kicks him, he snags your ankle. His grip is so fucking strong, so tight; your lip wobbles, there's tears in your eyes.

"I'm gonna go, because I'm a busy man, but I promise you - I promise," and he grabs your chin forcefully, making sure you're looking him in the eyes when you start to cry, "I'll be back for you." He watches the first of the tears trail down your cheeks, looking almost hungry as he does so, "I can see why he likes you," he muses, "fuckin' soft little rabbit," he wets his lips, and you squeeze your eyes shut, quietly asking why this is happening, but all he does is laugh, "I'm gonna have fun with you." But it makes your blood turn to ice in your veins.

This wasn't normal, this wasn't the man you'd been falling for in these past few months, this wasn't a side of him you'd seen before, or even felt he was capable of having. Part of you thinks you should break up with him, terrified of what this could all mean, what he could be capable of, but another part has begun to love him, and wants answers.

It takes a bit of online investigation, but soon you come across EverymanHYBRID and The Seven Trials of HABIT. Things... start to make a lot more sense after that. Days later, there's a banging at your apartment door in the dead of night. You know it's not your boyfriend, not really.

"Go away, HABIT," you tried feebly, yawning. He shouts that he'll make a scene if he has to, and it'll be all your fault. If your research proved anything it was that HABIT making a scene usually ended with bloodshed. You didn't want that on your conscience.

You open the door. HABIT's laughter is mean when he calls you obedient.

You don't ask if he's okay, or why he's covered in blood, or whose blood it is, you really would prefer not to know. He seems surprised that you're not, almost gleeful at how nonplussed you appeared as you looked him over, gaze only pausing to linger on the knife in his hand.

"Are you going to kill me now?" You sighed, as if resigned to your fate. HABIT cocks his head to the side, regarding you curiously.

"What, no response? No fear?" He passes the knife back and forth between his hands. You simply ask him to close the door, turning your back on him as you head back into the apartment, "this isn't how this is meant to go," HABIT says, sounding almost annoyed, but he at least closes the door.

"I'm not going to scream in terror just because it gets you hard," you sniped back, heading to the refrigerator, "you want a drink? How long since you've eaten - fucking ow!" You felt the blade against your back barely a second before it bit into your skin. It's only a shallow wound, enough to sting, but he holds the blade there like it's a threat, hand around you throat, pulling you against him.

"You have a lot of fucking nerve, rabbit," he snarls in your ear, and your traitorous body is unfortunately kind of into it in this moment. Whatever fucked up fantasies you may or may not have were much healthier staying just that. So you just try and focus on all of the awful shit you know he's done, and how he's covered in someone else's blood - actually not that, he's kind of hot covered in blood.

"So do you," you bit back, not fighting his hold, refusing to struggle or give the kind of reaction he was hoping for, "kill me or piss off, HABIT, do you want a drink or not?" Before he can even properly answer, you turned your face to his for a moment - wow he's closer than you were expecting, "and if you say some edgelord shit like you want to drink my blood, I'm gonna kill myself."

For a few seconds the two of you are locked in a starting contest; you bored, HABIT scowling. He twists the tip of the knife in your back, but you force yourself to remain stonefaced, simply muttering a deadpan 'ow'.

"Have you restocked your fridge since I left?"

"Went shopping this morning."

"What do you have?"

"Get the fucking knife out of my back and I'll tell you."

You wonder if HABIT knows you're bluffing, knows that you're terrified of how he could snap at any minute and hurt you. He's playing along, sitting at your tiny kitchen table, carving something into it with his knife as you make you both hot chocolates.

"There is something fucking wrong with you, rabbit," HABIT laughs as you set down the mug in front of him and take the opposite seat.

"I care about the guy you stole the steering wheel from," you answered simply with a shrug. HABIT begins to smile again, to laugh all mean and cruel.

"Fucking hell, despite all of me you're still interested in him? Seriously you're out of your fucking mind; earlier today I gouged out a woman's eyes and made her husband eat them -"

"Sounds like your kind of party."

The realisation hits him very suddenly. You watch as it occurs. Still, you continue, rolling your eyes as you explain that you're dating Evan, not him, and every relationship has issues.

"Issues?!" HABIT gets to his feet, indignant, "I'm just a fucking relationship issue to you? Do you know how much pain I'm going to put you in?!"

"So much, I'm sure," you give him a thin, mean smile of your own, "and I'll scream and I'll cry and I'll beg for it to stop, but that's because that's the natural human reaction to tremendous amounts of pain, not because I'm actually scared of you, HABIT."

HABIT slaps you so hard you crash out of your chair and to the ground. Your face smacks into a low cabinet and there's the metallic taste of blood in your mouth as you find yourself reeling. No normal human should be able to hit you that hard. It will undoubtedly bruise. HABIT's ranting now, about how your so stupid for not fearing him, pacing and gesturing with his knife.

"Eight," you interrupt him, not bothering to get up off the floor.

"Eight what?"

"Out of ten."

"On what? The pain scale? Jesus fucking Christ you people are soft -"

"On the quality of the slap, HABIT," your self preservation skills are shocking; he's definitely going to kill you.

"Why are you like this?" He asks flatly, deflating as his anger leaves him. You sit up, cross legged, leaning against the cupboard.

"Like I said, I'm not gonna scream in terror just because it gets you hard. You're not getting a proper reaction from me because you're not the one in that body who deserves to get the satisfaction from me."

HABIT stares at you for several long moments, just wearing that eerie smile. Slowly, he approached you, squatting down to be at your level, before he reaches out, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. It comes away red and slick, and neither of you break eye contact as he sticks his thumb into his mouth to taste your blood.

"I'll get you, little rabbit," he threatens lowly and you have to pretend like he's not turning you on right now.

"I look forward to it," you give him a cold smile, "can I have my boyfriend back now?"

HABIT groans loudly, like a petulant child, but concedes, and in the next instance he's gone, leaving Evan's body collapsed on your kitchen floor beside you.

Finally you feel like you can breathe again.

[cr4yolaas]

mezzo forte — birthday boy

track 2: homesick for a person | masterlist | track 4: the horse

hajime feels heavy on her couch. his head has been pumped full with compressed air and is bound to burst if he gets up. he hates the vulnerability that comes with being drunk.

"...yeah, i'll text sakusa and have him pick haji up tomorrow. just get home safely. bye, tooru."

all he can see is her back, but he can envision the expression she's making right now — brows furrowed, the inside of her cheek caught between her teeth, and a collection of creases on her forehead. he wants to laugh. but the pressure on his body is too much of a burden to bear, so instead, he waits.

she turns around to meet his sleepy, weary face, riddled with exhaustion and ache that she doesn't want to imagine experiencing herself. "'m sorry i couldn't get you a gift," she whispers. her hands adjust the blanket she'd draped over him moments prior, ensuring the fabric reaches up to his shoulders. "i wasn't too sure what you'd like. i feel like i get you the same thing every year."

the couch dips with her weight as she sits beside him. apologies spill from her tongue, but he can't quite hear them over the ringing in his ears. "it's alright. don't need a present when i have you, anyways," is all he can muster under heavy, alcohol-ridden breaths before he falls victim to his own slumber.

there's a pause in the air. she's the only one awake to feel it.

under the influence, people are bound to say words they don't mean. they're bound to form sentences that bear no real representation of their true thoughts, thus leading to misconceptions. she figures this is one of those moments.

beneath the cave of her chest, her heart beats faster than it should — so much so that it's unhealthy. his words, construed from what she assumes to be a place of inebriation, render her immobile, and she fights a long-winded battle with herself about the truth of it all.

frankly, she doesn't want to believe it.

hajime was a straightforward man; that much was an inarguable fact that had maintained its consistency throughout the course of their lives. he expressed what was necessary. and so, if he could not — or rather, would not — voice any means of reciprocation for whatever had been boiling and bubbling in every inch of her being when he was sober, she would take that as the truth. for now.

a headache cracks away at her skull. too many thoughts spiral without any end, and she wants nothing more than to rid herself of them.

the blue light of her laptop burns her retinas, but she figures it's the reasonable solution. the safest solution. garageband slowly opens up, and a small tab of her notes sits in the corner, etched with another love letter yet to be littered throughout another melody. something in her chest aches and burns. she can't escape it.

somewhere in the middle of it all, the man beside her stirs awake. she fails to notice the soft groan he releases nor the shift of his body to a more comfortable position. he's met with the blaring screen propped up on her knees and a soft instrumental pouring from the speakers of her computer, the volume low enough that he has to strain his ears to capture it completely. his eyes fall to the lines that take up the other half of her screen.

it's different. he recalls her other lyrics being vague, hinting at a feeling that he didn't know of himself. but something is more explicit in these words, and the lines form between the dots scattered throughout his brain, albeit blurred.

in his limbo between sobriety and intoxication, hajime finds himself fighting against the belief that it isn't him. that, in the words she so carefully crafts, he isn't the one she thinks of — but he wants to be.

♪ hi i've risen from my deathbed !!

♪ i hope this chapter made sense </3 i'm not cooking very hard with the pacing of this smau

♪ yn freaked out about tooru visiting irl and got all of the excitement out of her body before texting the gc so she didn't seem too hyper LOL

♪ the bday dinner was a mess ... they didnt even make reservations bc they werent initially planning on going out to eat so they kept going around in a big group trying to see which restaurant had available seating ... it did not go well

♪ everyone kept calling iwa the bday boy and he kept drinking to distract himself from it (out of spite) but it did not go as planned clearly

♪ imo haji has a pretty low alcohol tolerance despite having a "tough guy" exterior. it's one of his gap moes iykwim

♪ yn has been using garageband since hs and never changed to any of the apps that her label recommends bc she's scared of using a different interface </3

♪ i don't have much to say i just want to work on the next couple of chapters already

♪ but i think by this point i've decided this smau isn't going to be as long as blue spring, esp bc i don't have much to establish on the main dynamics btwn oiks iwa and yn given that they have such a long history together

♪ but idk !! we'll see where my heart leads me

♪ i already feel kinda uninspired for this smau which hurts my heart bc i really liked the concept and there was sm hype for it but i feel like it was never meant to be a long story yk

♪ sorry there's my impending doom rant

♪ i hope u all enjoyed <3

taglist: @froyaoya @causenessus @guitarstringed-scars @yuminako @chemiru @sunnyskiezzzz @httpsivy @itsdragonius @theycallmenanamisgirl @wyrcan @19calicos @hunnies4bunnies @mawenskiblue @diorzs @loverlunaire @mfcherry @solaqes

[gracelaurie]

Lover | Patrick Wilson x Fem!reader

(SEQUEL)

previous part click here CHAPTER 1 // CHAPTER 2

Summary : You and Patrick had a one night stand a few months ago. And now you’re 6 months pregnant. You don't expect to meet the father of your child because you’re a woman who prefers to be alone. But fate said otherwise, you meet again with the father who made your stomach grow big.

And you stupidly didn’t know that he was an actor.

Warning : smut, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, p in v sex, breeding kink.

It's been 6 weeks since the birth of your twins. Of course Patrick which the father of your baby…has his responsibility, not only focusing his attention on your babies but also he takes care of you.

He took a full 1 month off work after you gave birth. You feel safe with him, in his house in New Jersey. You decided to stay with Patrick because you realized that taking care of two twins born in your own womb was more difficult than taking care of your uncle’s baby twins.

Your belly started to shrink, but not completely. You don’t really care about your appearance, all you think about is your children. In the last 2 weeks, Patrick has started shooting for the Conjuring 4 film project.

You don’t blame him for that. Patrick was actually worried about leaving you alone to work, but you tried to convince Patrick that you were fine and you could take care of your children at home. Although sometimes Patrick likes to come home late at night, even coming home the next morning.

You try to understand and don’t want to burden him. After all, you are both just dating, not yet a married couple.

That night, as usual, Patrick came home late. You are just overwhelmed with taking care of your two babies who have difficulty sleeping and keep crying. but exactly at 11 o'clock they were fast asleep. and a few minutes later Patrick knocked on the door and you found him looking very tired.

“How’s the twins, hon?” Patrick asked then he walked towards the baby box and saw that your babies were fall asleep.

“It’s good that you see them when they’re calm and sleepy, not when they crying loudly.” You said and then Patrick kissed your forehead softly.

You quickly made him some tea as he sat on the sofa.

“Very tiring day, huh?” Patrick muttered then started to turn on the TV which displayed the latest news. “You must be very tired looking after our twins. I’m sorry, I wasn't here just now...”

“Patrick...” you replied, handing him the still warm cup of tea and sitting next to him, “you’re also tired from work and I would understand that.” You unbuttoned the top of Patrick's shirt so that Patrick wouldn't get hot.

“Would you still understand if I was forced to act in a romantic scene and kiss the lips of someone else?”said Patrick while lowering his head. You can see how frustrated he is.

You held his hand, “Patrick... you are a professional actor, that is your job. I don’t have a problem with that as long as you can keep your heart for me.”

“That’s not it,” said Patrick, looking straight into your eyes, “I feel I’m no longer be professional for doing that scene. The director said that I no longer have chemistry with Vera on screen. That’s a bad thing.

“...the kiss scene was re-recorded continuously because I couldn’t do it well. Even though the genre of the film is Horror, I couldn't do it.”

“Why?” a stupid word somehow comes out of your mouth even though you already know the answer.

“I’m getting more and more crazy about you,” said Patrick honestly. He looked at you with a pitiful face, “I’m too pushy to work even though I still want with you here. I...”

Patrick touched your cheek and rubbed it, “I love you.” a sentence that he had never said in a long time and finally said it.

You froze. You don’t know how to react. When you started to open your mouth, Patrick continued, “I really love you. I want to quickly finish the last film in the Conjuring trilogy so I can...”

Patrick stopped. He felt his mouth pulling him to say the next sentence. You raised an eyebrow, “so you can what?”

“So that I can,” Patrick mumbled, his voice getting deeper, his eyes darkening, “I can marry you, have all of you.”

You felt his lips meet yours. He kissed you gently then over time his kisses got hotter and Patrick’s mouth became more aggressive.

Patrick carried your body towards your bedroom. He kissed your lips then laid you down on the bed. You felt his soft hands slowly open your nightgown to admire every inch of your body.

“You’re so beautiful, hon,” Patrick couldn’t stop kissing your body. He kissed your belly, a belly that has given birth to his baby twins. He kissed your chest, then your nipples, he moved up to kiss your collarbone.

He inhales the scent of your musk perfume and you feel his breath rising and falling around your neck, “I've been waiting for this for a long time...” his left hand holds and squeezes your butt, while his right hand grabs your leg to move your body position.

He took off your panties slowly. You can feel one of his fingers on your clit and he rubs it. You’re moaning. And then Patrick starts to insert his two hands into your cunt while his thumb now takes over rubbing your clit.

He starts playing with his finger which controls your cunt. Your cunt is so wet, it soaks your sheets. You continued to moan, then you felt his tongue now rubbing your clit with fast movements. You moan louder as his tongue begins to lick your cunt deliciously.

“Patrick…” you said in a low voice. You couldn’t stop moaning because his tongue was moving faster and faster in your cunt, “Patrick, please...”

Patrick stopped, and he saw that your cunt had soaked almost half of your sheets. Patrick started to open the buckle and then the button of his trousers roughly, and he was now kissing your neck hungrily.

You groaned in pain as he started biting your neck. Both of your hands are now trying to unbutton Patrick’s shirt as his big hard cock now enters your wet cunt.

You can see Patrick’s perfect six pack body in front of you now. Patrick hugged your body, while speed up his fucking movements.

“I will fill your belly with my baby again,” said Patrick in a rough and deep voice. His blue eyes getting darker, looking at you with a look of hunger and lust, “I will make you suffer again because you have to carry my baby for 9 months.”

You shed tears because you felt his huge cock going in and out of your vagina with increasingly fast movements. You felt his breathing getting faster and rougher in your ear, “you understand that, hon? I will give you my baby again in your stomach.”

You nodded slowly. And then he smiled and kissed your lips, “good girl,”

Then he turns your body around, and now the position is doggy style. He inserts his hard cock into your cunt. He’s now riding you while both of your hands are held by him.

You moaned louder, then you felt his lips kiss the back of your neck gently, then slowly you felt his hand strangle your neck.

“Patrick...”you moaned in a low voice, his penis going in and out of your vagina from behind, “Patrick, I want to cum.”

Patrick’s hands squeezed your butt and hit it, “Wait, hon.”

He squeezed your ass, speeding up his movements making you even more overwhelmed and you groaning in pain but it was all worth it after you both cum together. He’s really cum in your wet cunt.

You’re both tired. Patrick takes out his cock then you can see his sperm is still spilling even though he has put it inside.

He laid his body and yours at the same time. He hugged you warmly from behind while both of your bodies were covered by the blanket now.

“That was amazing,” you said.

Patrick kissed your neck gently and tightened his embrace, “I love you, hon, I really love you.”

You smiled, “I love you too...” then you both drifted off to sleep in a sparkling night.

—

[rowretro]

𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐀

♡✧▀▄▀▄▀▄𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐀▀▄▀▄▀▄✧♡

MASTERLIST

✧taglist✧:@sunwonkiworld @nikipedia07 @nshmrarki @v3lv3tsin @haerinsii @meromisblog @lilyofhoon

✧CHAPTER 1✧

The girl shot up as the loud blaring of her alarm entered her earholes. Fatigue was written all over her face as she kicked off the loud device. Another cold, boring Monday morning. Y/n groaned as she dragged her feet toward the restroom.

Not liking the idea of leaving her bed, her mind was still groggy as she splashed her face with water as a wake-up call. As she brushed her teeth, she had the recurring thought of bunking the first few lessons. She would've done so, she'd pepper her parents into calling the school saying she was sick.

But she didn't. Missing those lessons comes with a consequence. It wasn't the fact that she had to catch up on all those notes she'd have failed to take, nor was it because she loved school...

It was the thought of missing a day of Seeing Nishimura Riki... The boy she has a crush on, the one she is indeed in love with. Just the thought of him, replaced the faint fatigue as the girl got ready for school.

 . . .

As the weather seemed nice, the girl decided it would be perfect to walk to school for once. A typical Monday morning, however, the sun was somewhat visible today, though the clouds kind of dimmed its vibrant rays. In the surrounding dull, and presumably eerie-looking environment, Something, unusually vigorous caught her eye...

Just by the tall oak tree, where she'd often hang out with Sunghoon, in a dark corner, by the trash bags, laid an unusually pale corpse. The whole scene was covered in blinding neon tapes, police here and there, and sound pollution by the blaring sirens and loud people.

It was a horrid sight, the one day she chooses to walk to school, as if it's a warning, the corpse lies there. The body was unusually pale, its hands missing and its jaw was ripped wide open...

It was clearly the work of a psychopath... however, something very out of the ordinary caught her attention... the very, dangerously deep marks on the body's neck... presumably a bite... And the shocking of all, not a single trace of blood was found on or near the boy, even the clothes were clearly brand new...

Her deep, disturbed thoughts were interrupted by a sudden tug on her backpack, the girl screeched in shock as she stumbled back into a familiar embrace...

"We're going to be late tiny! why are you standing here?" Sunghoon asked as y/n frowned, seemingly startled as the boy finally noticed the horrifying scene before him. "Oh that's why..." The male trailed off as he dragged her away.

"Chop chop- if we're late- I'll make you clean my bedroom-" Sunghoon smirked as the girl grimaced "GROSS- U HAV UNDIES EVERYWHERE- AND PICS OF YOUR crUsH EVERYWHERE- CREEP-" y/n gagged as Sunghoon chuckled, playfully slapping her back.

"It's not creepy- it's love- and also my rooms a mess what do you expect?" The male shrugged "STOP DRAGGING YOUR FEET OR ELSE I WILL CARRY YOU TO SCHOOL TINY." Sunghoon yelled as y/n took her backpack off and teasingly hit him with it.

. . .

2 long, dreading hours passed as y/n slept through the majority of her first 2 lessons. The girl stretched her arms out, cracking her neck as she finally woke up, feeling a little energized, her brain automatically tuned out as she heard her teacher speak... until she heard a little sentence that sparked her interest.

"And for this project, I want you to work with the person beside you!" The teacher finished. Immediately, her head turned to the male beside her. He sighed to himself as he turned to the smiley y/n.

"What are we doing a project on? my brain automatically tunes out boring voices..." y/n trailed off. "You should've listened, you sleepy head" Riki coldly muttered as he eyed the girl.

"Meet me in the library at break time, I'll explain, I took brief notes if you want-" Riki grabbed his book as y/n kindly declined the book offer "No need... Library sounds sweet~" Y/n smirked, earning an eye-roll from the pretty boy

. . .

Their time in the library started off silent, not the awkward kind of silence, but quite the silence one needs to focus on. y/n’s chin rested upon her hand as she admired the male before her while he was lost in his own world of books and notes. His dark, exotic orbs scanned through the thin lines of black words.

the male somewhat bit at the outer skin of his lower lip, his hands delicately turning the pages slowly. And to top it off... Those moles, as if god splattered them over his face ever so perfectly, were something to die for.

On the spur of a moment, his pretty eyes pierced through her love-struck ones the way Cupid's arrow pierced through her heart. The boy immediately knew she was checking her out, as he noticed how the girl seemed dazed, her lips slightly parted "It's not nice to stare you know" his deep yet dreamy voice cut the silence between the 2.

"What? Not nice to stare at pretty words?" y/n asked as she nervously turned to a random book she grabbed, making sure the book covered her plush pinkened cheeks from his view. A tiny smile made its way on his lips at the girl's little acts "I never knew you could read upside down-" Riki snickered to himself, as Y/n’s eyes doubled in size, she felt extremely stupid.

"y-yeah I can- whatever- now about the project???" Y/n asked, completely changing the subject "We basically need to study the psychological effects left behind on a human, after either, childhood experiences, drug usage, genetics, etc, and compare some criminological theories, just find a few criminals and study them really-" Riki explained, the smile was long gone.

Riki turned back to his book, as Y/n opened her mouth to say something, the slightly empty book cupboard suddenly shook slightly vigorously.

"Riki-" "Shh-" "But Riki-" "Shut up!" the boy snapped seeing the cupboard lose its balance Y/n tried to pull him away but it was too late…

»»-————𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒶 𝓂𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂————-««

♡☆♡✧♡☆♡✧ᴏɴᴇɪʀᴏᴘʜʀᴇɴɪᴀ✧♡☆♡✧♡☆♡

[itzzzzzzyyyyydaaaaa]

We broke up…

pairing - Jun-hee x Fem!reader

angst & fluff

request- no

TW- mentioned abortion throughout series, suggestive in some parts, mentions of su!c!de in only one chapter.

Jun-hee : blue - Y/n : purple - Myung-gi : red

Summary- While trying to call Myung-gi, Jun-hee finds out she’s pregnant with his baby, only for him not to answer. Jun-hee only has one person left to call but she doesn’t know if they’ll welcome her back in with wide arms after what she did to them… her once best friend was now her first girl crush. Can Jun-hee handle seeing her best friend / crush again?

“Y/n!” Jun-hee rushed into her once shared apartment with her beloved best friend crush, Y/n. Y/n and Jun-hee went to high school and college together. Once they graduated, that’s when things….took a turn for the two.

Jun-hee met Myung-gi at a school event. Then, after they graduated that’s when he asked Jun-hee to be his girlfriend. Let’s just say… Y/n was NOT a fan of her best friend’s new boyfriend.

Myung-gi didn’t like Y/n at all. In fact, he HATED her. He hated the way Y/n would stare at Jun-hee. But, how could you not when Jun-hee is literally so adorable?

It was Jun-hee’s and Myung-gi’s 3rd date, when Jun-hee walked into the restaurant with Y/n; who had glossy, red, puffy eyes. This was the last straw for Myung-gi; he lost control of himself. Myung-gi stood up, and walked towards the two walking in.

“Babe? Why is she here.” Myung-gi grabbed Jun-hee’s wrist tightly, causing her to wince a bit.

“Y/n’s girlfriend (now ex girlfriend) broke up with her a-and she needed someone to pick her up. I was going to tell you b-‘

“I told you, Jun-hee. I don’t want you talking to her. Tell her to leave now. Or i will.” Myung-gi stared at Y/n as Jun-hee walked up to her and TOLD her to leave.

Y/n was so hurt by this, she couldn’t even speak when she first heard Jun-hee say ‘Leave please Y/n.’ Y/n’s best friend, and crush, was telling her to leave?

Y/n couldn’t help but tear up, look sad, and use her cute adorable pout that always seemed to work, but this time… it didn’t.

“Jun…p-please i-i’ll sit at a different table and give you and-‘

“Y/n. Im sorry. You need to leave. Please.”

That was four months ago. Now time jump to today… 2/12/25…

Jun-hee was at her apartment when she was taking her pregnancy test that her doctor recommended her doing. After 30 painful minutes….Jun-hee let out a sigh of disbelief and happiness…

‘+’

The test came back positive. Myung-gi broke up with Jun-hee that day after she refused to get an abortion. She needed someone to talk to, someone who’s known her for so long. Y/n.

Jun-hee POV:

I grabbed my phone, shaking as i dialed her number. Will she talk to me after i made her leave? I remember that day all too well.

That night, i stopped texting Y/n and that was the night Myung-gi and I slept together for the very first time. He lied to me and said that Y/n liked him and wanted him all to herself. That is what made me stop talking to her; i believed every single word he said and i lost her…

i lost my girl…

With shaking hands, i quickly dialed Y/n’s number. I had memorized her number the day i realized my feelings for her were true. It was as if the muscle memory was back, something i’m still very good at. After 3 or 4 rings, I heard her voice… Soft, soothing…and…half asleep…?

“Hello…? who is this?” The sound of her sleepy, raspy, deep voice made me realize…it was now 3 a’clock in the morning.

“It’s me y/n… Jun-‘ before i could finish my sentence Y/n cut me off. It sounded as if she missed my voice or she was just happy to hear my voice again…or maybe it was just the concern in her voice…

“Jun? what’s wrong? is everything okay?!” Y/n had a tone of worry and concern…but also something Jun-hee couldn’t quite figure out.

“Y/n/n…i need to talk-‘ Y/n cut me off. Once again.

“Come over now. i don’t give a fuck what Min-gyu says. get over here.” y/n had a different tone in voice: jealousy and love…

“O-okay…and his name is Myung-gi and either way we broke up so i was going over there even if he and i were still together. I’ll be there in 10 okay..?”

Y/n’s POV:

‘We broke up…’ replayed in my head. They broke up? My heart flipped when she said she was coming over- SHIT! she’s coming over!!

My room is a mess! I jumped out of bed and picked up the scattered clothes that were all over my room. That’s when i remembered…

“Fuck!! i need sweats and a shirt!!” currently, i was only in a black sports bra and boxers. In my opinion, boxers are way better than regular women underwear…but that’s just me.

I grabbed my light grey sweatpants, which Jun-hee loved to see Y/n in and when i was reaching for my shirt, that’s when i heard her voice. She sounded so broken…scared… It broke my heart.

i started to wonder… What did he do to her that they broke up? I decided to forget about grabbing a shirt and i ran down the stairs, almost falling mid run.

After 4 months of not seeing her…she still looked the same.. beautiful as ever… despite the tears rolling down her cheek…or wait a minute…is it..raining outside?

3rd person POV:

“Y/n!” Jun-hee was drenched soaked from the thunderstorm that hit earlier that evening. Y/n ran to Jun-hee, hugging her tightly as if she would disappear in her arms. She didn’t care if her stomach, bra, or sweatpants got wet.

All Y/n wanted was Jun-hee…

All Jun-hee wanted was Y/n…

They just wanted each other…

“Y/n-‘

“Are you okay?! what did he do to you-‘

“Y/n.”

“Did he hit you?! or-‘

“Y/n.”

Jun-hee was trying to think of a way to shut Y/n up from constantly asking questions. It was as if she hadn’t seen Jun-hee in months- Well, she hasn’t…exactly four months ago was the last time Y/n and Jun-her had seen and heard from each other.

“Did he cut you-‘

In the heat of the moment it felt so wrong…but yet it felt so damn right to do…

After she realized Y/n WAS NOT going to stop asking questions, Jun-hee cupped Y/ns cheeks in her hands, pulled Y/n harshly to her, and pressed her lips against Y/n’s.

Y/n stumbled back but grabbed Jun-hee’s waist and kissed her passionately.

“Wait…you-‘

“Yes Y/n. I like you, and i realized it the second i told you to leave- i take that back. I realized it the day i met you in high school Y/n/n…”

Y/n’s eyes were wide open and going all over the place, searching Jun-hee’s eyes for some sort of regret or lie that she was telling. Was it really true? Does Jun-hee really love Y/n?

“but…there’s something i need to tell you okay..? promise you won’t get mad baby.”

Y/n’s heart started to race at the new nickname, it felt as if she had just ran a mile.

“Y-yeah…yeah tell me what’s wrong darling?”

I’m pregnant

with Myung-gi’s

baby.

————————————————————————

a/n— omg…. my first fic ever!!! what did you guys think? something different from my reblogs and kpop stuff. This was all @killuxry ‘s fault by telling me abt 230, 380, 388, 222 (Jun-hee), 124, 125…etc! i love you Kill🫶🏻🌹❤️ This is a series! so be expecting the next part in a week or so. Things might change since we are in close range of school exams!!

Ari — over and out!-

[crimson0lake]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BROTHER!!

Happy (late) birthdays, Chuuya Nakahara!

Warnings: curses, mentions of knives, siblings being siblings, spoilers for upcoming chapters of bsd: One Time Sanity

.

.

.

"ughh" with a groan the ginger slowly sits up on the bed, feeling his head already start to ache from how much his, somehow, sibling shout.

He rubs his eyes, trying to shake off the sleepiness on him. His eyes look around the room he stays in, an old guest room which is now his own room in Haruto's flat.

"that bitch... Andres took my hat again.. for the seventh time..." He mumbles to himself before standing up and walking out of his room with an annoyed and irritated look. His clothes and sometimes wines were getting missing, clearly his reckless and annoying shit brother taking them, both having an one sided argument in the end everyday cause of it.

"ANDRES!! It's my first and last warning! Give my hat back or I'm gonna kick your ass!?" He rubbed his temples while shouting towards the big living room where a reply came without a second.

"Nuh uh"

"THE FUCK TOU MEAN 'NUH UH'?!?!?!"

"Nuh uh, fuck off"

A chuckle comes from the living room before Andres speaks up again

"FINE FINE.. I'll give it to you if you grow 2 inches in the next month!"

"I'M GONNA SHOVE THAT BROOM IN YOU ASS" Chuuya yelled angrily making his way towards the living room with flustered and angry face but his steps pause when the living room's lights suddenly go off and the flat falls silent.

"..." He was all confused and couldn't help but look around to see if anything was out of ordinary but finds nothing.

"Uhh... Guys? Are you alright?"

No answer comes from the living room only some sounds of footsteps.

'if it's another prank... I'm surely killing those two today...' Chuuya thinks as he slowly make his way to the living room before stepping inside the darkness.

After a couple of steps, where he suppose to be middle of the room, the lights suddenly turn on, causing his eyes to flash and slightly burn with sudden light before they open wide despite the burnt with the sound of synchronized voices.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"

"wh-what..?" The ginger could only look at the three infront of him with confusion, he even forgot it was his birthday due to all those works and stuff happening in a short amount of time. Also, he don't remember telling them his birthday- How the fuck they knew about it?!

Luna approached him while holding the barely together cake with baking gloves. She smiles up at him while Andres and Haruto tes a sudden photo, using the rare opportunity of Chuuya's down guard.

"it's not much, but I only could do this much with the little ingredients we had... Sorry for that" Luna said after seeing Chuuya's still shocked and confused look towards the cake in her hands.

"No no.. it looks very good!.. I just wasn't expecting you guys to remember it.." The ginger only could utter the words out under his breath as he overcomes his shock slowly and runs his fingers back of his neck, trying to regain his composure.

His words had made the other two turn to him, making Haruto let out a amused chuckle before throwing one of his arms around Chuuya's shoulders.

"Of course we remember! What did you think?"

"we also remember how much you like those brand wines!" Luna continued with a smile before Andres added with a grin while wearing Chuuya's hat still

"and how much you care about your hats"

The twins go on and on of how much they knew Chuuya while haruto chuckled before clearing his throat and turning to Chuuya with a grin, meanwhile Chuuya was trying to wipe the tears that are forming in his eyes with a chuckle.

"the thing they are trying to say is that, you are a part of the family. We would know even the slightest details you don't even know about yourself. You are our brother; Even if you are a mafioso, even if you are strong. And even if you are short!"

The last sentence made Chuuya lightly punch Haruto's arm before the man laughs and turns away to go to the kitchen

"Now let's not waste more time and keep the cake waiting, or Andres and Luna would waste no second to clean the whole cake in just a few minutes.

[offsidekineticist]

This probably should have been 2 chapters, but while I think the first part could be fleshed out into chapter length with a different POV, I'm less confident about the second, arguably much more important part. Also I'm impatient and want to share this bc being like "I can't mention this thing about my blorbos cuz it's a spoiler for my fic" sucks.

CW: gore, blood, burning, exhausted/traumatized character having difficulty communicating, character being possessed and corresponding loss of bodily control, mentions of torture in folklore (implied sexual), Sleeping Beauty (Disney) style dubcon

For the Velstrac

The sun hurts. Your eyes squeeze shut by themselves. You try to stop them because you can't sleep, but the sun hurts so they do what they want. The air is warmer than in your cell, but it moves more, which helps with the sleepiness. it smells like dew, instead of must and excrement and blood.

It's nice. The only problem is that it's loud. There's shouting and the clanging of metal weapons and screams and the roar of flames–

Your eyes slowly adjust to the glaring light. The hole leading to the tunnel into Rivad is just behind you. In front of you is a vast camp of soldiers–mostly paladins, if you had to guess–presently in a state of chaos because the dinosaur shaped collection of artifacts that dug your escape route is rampaging through their camp and growing as magical weapons and armor fly in a flurry towards it. Soldiers are desperately trying to stand their ground as their weapons, tabards, protective amulets, or even their very armor are pulled into the beast to sate its appetite. Others–poorer soldiers, judging by their shabby armor–rush through the camp, movement uninhibited by the golem's call, trying to help their fellows.

A paladin in shining holy armor loses grip on the tentpole he used to steady himself. He flies towards the golem, and you watch his armor almost explode with blood and viscera as it twists and compresses to fit into the bizarre three dimensional puzzle circling through the camp.

"Shit–we have to stop it!" Qweck says, voice pitched high with conviction, and you feel a twinge of pride along with your exasperation. Qweck, so concerned about others–but she is hurt. She's doing her best to hide it, but you can see the bruising on her neck, can hear the strain in her voice. She's been brave–so incredibly brave–but it needs to stop. You need to get her home. She needs a healer. 

"How?!" Giliys demands from just behind you, and you wince at how loud he is.

"You mean you activated some kind of artifact eating golem of doom without knowing how to turn it off?!" Qweck demands, and you can tell she is losing her grip on her self-control by how her ears are twitching–they only do that when she's really angry. 

"Not like it came with a fucking instruction manual!" Gilly snaps. Qweck closes her eyes and takes a deep, long breath before opening her eyes and speaking.

"Get Theo to the ship as we planned. I'm going to stay and help."

"Are you fucking crazy?" Giliys demands as Qweck steps towards him, your arm still slung over her shoulder. "Look at that thing! It just headbutt a tunnel through solid fucking rock! What the fuck do you think you'll be able to do?"

"Heal the wounded, for one," she snaps, passing your arm to Giliys so she can run healing into danger, still injured herself. You grab her shoulder, ignoring the pain in your broken fingers as you do.

"No," you say as sternly as you can manage with a voice worn raw by screaming. "Qweck, you're–your neck–I can hear–you need a healer."

"She needs a healer? Fuck that, Thay, you need a healer–which is why you're here in the first place!" Giliys says, rebuking first you and then Qweck. "You wanna put this guy on a ship without a healer? In his condition? That's a fucking death sentence!"

Qweck's mask is perfect, the very image of Irorian calm–but her ears are still twitching. "Then find Vrakka and have her go with you." Vrakka–the druid girl? But she–Brastlewark must be hundreds of miles off. 

"Find Vra–sorry, Princess, my bird calls are rusty. Did you miss the part where the bitch flew away?"

"No," you interrupt, because Vrakka is not the point and neither are bird calls. "No, it's not–I'm not–the ship isn't–if you're staying–I have to–I mean it's my job to–you need to be safe. I need you to be safe."

"You hear that?," Giliys says. "Thay needs you to be safe. Now let's fucking go before the altar boys catch us."

Qweck ignores Giliys and puts both hands on your shoulders. "You've done your job, and you've done it well," she says, eyes locked with yours. "Now I have to do mine." She shrugs off your grip on her shoulder as she lets go of yours and plunges into the chaos of the camp. 

"Qweck! No!" You call, arm reaching uselessly towards her. She's gone. She's gone and she's hurt and she's–

"Fuck–what the fuck are we supposed to do now?!" Giliys howls, enraged.

"Help me help her," you rasp.

"Yeah, right. What are you gonna do, fall on it?"

"Giliys please!" A lump is forming in your throat making it even harder to talk than it already I'd. "She–she is–she's–please."

Giliys closes his eyes, a look of resigned exasperation on his face. "Fuck. Why'd you have to go and say please? Fine." He begins dragging you with him towards the camp. 

"Thank you."

"Don't fucking thank me! I'm dragging you to your fucking death!" He spits on what probably used to be a paladin as you pass and enter the camp.

"Don't need–it's ok to–you can't–be nice."

"Be nice?!" 

No, 'be nice' wasn't what you meant. You meant that he didn't have to pretend to be cruel, that you saw through it. But you're exhausted, and words are hard, and you've barely the strength to use them, so instead you just repeat "thank you."

Giliys grunts. "Not like I can put you on a boat until a healer sees you anyway. What the hell, why don't we just go out in a blaze of glory trying to save a bunch of altar boys from a fucking dinosaur? Not like I got anything else scheduled for fucking ev–kch!"

It happens so quickly you're not sure how it happens. One second you're leaning on Giliys as he gripes about helping Qweck. The next there's an enormous blade poking through Giliys's chest, pulling him–and you–towards the golem.

"Gilly? Gilly!"

He stares at the blade in his chest, his feet–and yours–dragging across the ground. "Shit," he wheezes. "Can't–can't hold it–Thay, run."

"Can't hold whah–"

Giliys pushes you away. You fall. Fire explodes from his wound. You cover your face, curling into a ball to protect yourself from the fire. A strange, inhuman laughter fills the air.

"FINALLY!" You peek through your fingers up at Giliys. He is floating a foot off the ground. He holds the blade with his bare hands and pulls. Out comes the sword, the hilt soaked in blood as it crashes through his chest, tearing the wound even wider and leaving behind a gaping hole, gushing with blood and fire.

You're not supposed to take the weapon out of a stab wound if you can help it. That makes the victim bleed out faster. You reach out and grab the weapon as it flies towards the golem. It drags you a few feet until you manage to toss your open bag in its path. The sword flies into the bag, and the bag goes still as its anti scrying spells hide the sword from the golem's hunger.

There. Now you can put the sword back in Giliys's chest once he stops floating.

(You really are exhausted)

You're able to push yourself to your knees and look up. The hole in his chest is closing–or you think it is. Less fire and blood seems to bleed from it with each passing second until the hole is closed. His eyes light up with flame as he holds up and examines flaming hands.

"YES. THIS WILL DO NICELY. NOW BURN."

Streams of flame fly from Giliys's hands, devouring soldier after soldier after soldier. It's no normal flame–it leaves tent and banner and wood untouched, but consumes flesh and blood. Whatever has taken control of Giliys is cackling in perverse joy.

Your eyes scan the scene wildly looking for someplace to hide, some way to escape–you know the moment it looks down, you're doomed. Movement and a flash of green catch your eye. Qweck, about twenty feet behind where Giliys stood when he was impaled, sheltering behind a rack of spears and shields.

Qweck is here.

Oh, gods, Qweck is here.

You need to stop this now. You don't have time to retreat and regroup, Qweck is right there, and the second that thing sees her, she will burn. You need to bring Giliys back to himself, because even if he can be killed like this (probably not), even if you were physically able to kill him (certainly not), you know you'd never be able to bring yourself to do it because of your damn fool, treacherous, everbreaking heart.

Wait.

"For the Velstrac," you whisper to yourself in realization. A poem written by an unknown Nidalese Desnan, the finale to a collection of poems written by the narrator (the Lover) about the person they loved (the Beloved). The last poem is the most famous–and the saddest. The Beloved, damned to the Plane of Shadows by Zon-Kuthon's hold over Nidal, becomes the Velstrac, eager to torture the Lover with sadistic parodies of their former love. And yet, whereas most poems in the collection carry an underlying tone of fear or anxiety over Zon-Kuthon's hold over the Lover and the Beloved's souls, "For the Velstrac" ends with hope.

For with each kiss thy eyes have brighter seem'd

So by my pain I shall see thee redeem'd.

It would seem absurd to you if you were in your right mind. But you are exhausted and hurt and afraid and bound to protect Qweck, so you grasp at ideas with the clumsiness of a child, push yourself to your feet, and pull Giliys down out of the air to be saved by True Love's Kiss.

It's a terrible first kiss. Truth be told, you don't find the act of kissing itself particularly appealing. Your enjoyment of that and more intimate acts has always come from seeing your partner's ecstasy and knowing you caused it–the satisfaction of having done well, of being such a good partner that he has devolved into a lesser state of coherence. But Giliys himself is unable to react, and his body, still floating off the ground, puppeted by an unknown power, reacts with violence, his arms flailing unnaturally, twisting out of joint. His body is hot to the touch, and your lips are screaming at you to withdraw. But slowly, painfully slowly, the heat fades. The flailing stops. You feel Giliys sink downward onto his feet, and then collapse in a heap. You do not let go of his shirt in time. You fall with him, aching and exhausted, lips burning from this cruel mockery of what you've wanted for years.

You're too exhausted to move. You're sprawled on top of him, but you're too exhausted to move. Your ear is pressed against his chest, and you can hear his heartbeat–at first racing, but slowing in time to a gentle, steady pace that promises safety and carries you to sleep.

[jackinalex]

Writing Patterns (pt. 2)

Rules: List the last line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!

Tagged by @ao3usermelancholyhues again! Thank you, Eve! I was actually even more excited about this one than the first. Idk why, but here it is.

Where Clover Whitens (Chapter 13: Refrain) [All Time Low - Jalex]

If there was ever a time in his life that Alex felt he’d hit rock bottom, this was certainly it.

A Very Festive Façade [All Time Low - Jalex]

Most importantly, Alex never ventured home for the holidays alone again. 

(Dirty With Harmony) All Intertwined [All Time Low - Jalex]

For now, though, he’ll settle for Marvin Gaye and sleepy cuddles in his car. 

You Were Mine [All Time Low - Jalex]

Right where he belongs.

Would've Married You in Vegas [All Time Low - Jalex]

Only Jack knows that he’s lying.

Can't Find My Way Back to You [All Time Low - Jalex]

And when Alex begins to show him the constellations, Jack says that Sagittarius is his favorite.

Don't Get Your Hopes Up [All Time Low - Jalex]

And in retrospect, Alex should have told himself that from the very beginning.

Stay Together for the Kids [All Time Low - Jalex]

For their kids.

The Beach House [All Time Low - Jalex]

“I was so tired of living without you.”

Hell is so Close to Heaven [All Time Low - Jalex]

And that’s that. 

Apparently, I like to conclude stories by starting sentences with "and." Idk I guess I'm into a sense of abrupt finality lmao.

Tagging: I'm gonna just say if you wanna do this, do it because Eve has already tagged everyone I would have tagged, I'm pretty sure lol. If I forgot you, I'm sorry I have adhd.

[itsukismoon]

Onsen Village overflowing with Love - Chapter 2 (Cyrus)

>> chapter 3

After an unexpected reunion at the hot spring bath—

Emma: Cyrus-san, look at this. A white cat is basking under the sun on that couch.

Cyrus: It seems to be enjoying itself.

Emma: Hehe, I’m getting sleepy just by looking at him.

(Flashback)

Cyrus: It must be some kind of fate that we came across each other here. Since we have the chance, why don’t we spend some time together after this?

(End of flashback)

Emma: (I was happy to be invited by Cyrus-san).

Cyrus: As expected of a country ruled by the Nekomata clan. There’s many cats around town.

Emma: They’re so cute and they make me feel healed just by looking at them.

Emma: Ah, that cat over there, too… is he feeling hot because he’s right next to the footbath? (TN: hot spring bath to soak one’s feet)

Cyrus: Maybe.

Emma Ah!! Is this fragrant smell that of senbei? (TN: Japanese rice crackers) There seem to be many shops that sell food.

Cyrus: …that’s right.

Emma: Oh… sorry. I’m having a blast all by myself.

Cyrus: And what’s the matter with that? We’re on vacation, after all.

Emma: Are you enjoying yourself?

Cyrus: Yes. It may be difficult to tell just by looking at me, but I’m having fun.

Emma: Then, I’m glad.

Seeing Cyrus-san look around the hot spring town with a gentle expression, I feel relieved.

Boy: Hello~! This is hot spring steamed buns delivery!

When I looked towards the direction of the voice, there was a boy in front of a nearby inn holding a wooden box with the Nekomata seal.

Emma: Nekomata hot spring buns… I think this shop was mentioned in the touristic guidebook.

Emma: Is that child helping out the family business?

Cyrus: It seems so. He’s still young but he’s good at it.

While I was about to pass by the boy with a smile on my face-

Cat: Meow

Boy: Wahh…!!

Caught off guard by a cat that suddenly jumped out at his feet, the boy lost his balance.

Emma: Careful!!

Cyrus: …!

Running quickly, Cyrus caught both the boy and the wooden box.

Cyrus: Are you hurt?

Boy: N-no. Thank you very m-

Boy: AAH!! S-SORRY-!!

Cyrus: …

Emma: (That child, he’s frightened by Cyrus’s strength!)

Player’s choice: (Cyrus-san, smile!) (+4 moon points)* // The hot spring manju seems to be safe (+4 sun points)

Emma: (Cyrus-san, smile!)

I made a gesture of lifting the corners of my mouth to make him understand.

Cyrus: Ngh? A-ah.

Cyrus: …if you’re fine then I’m glad.

Boy: !! S-scary-!!!

Cyrus: …! (Shooketh)

Emma: This big brother (Cyrus) is a kind person! It’s okay, so don’t cry!

(…)

Boy: Thank you very much-!! runs away

Emma: Be careful not to fall again!

Cyrus: Do your best to deliver the rest.

Cyrus: Thank you, Emma.

Emma: Eh? Did I do something?

Cyrus: I often scare people with my appearance, and I’m not good with words.

Cyrus: But by you being there, that boy was able to smile in the end.

Cyrus: I’m always being helped by you.

Emma: You always say “thank you” like this, so…

Emma: I don’t think that someone like that is bad with words.

Emma: Also, I really respect the fact that you can immediately help people when they are in need, just like you did right now.

Cyrus: As a knight, it’s the right course of action.

Cyrus: Even if I wasn’t there, there would be other Chevalier knights who would do the same-

Cyrus-san stopped talking mid sentence, and furrowed his brows as if he was a little troubled.

Cyrus: However, when you say that… my heart gets excited in a weird way.

[hinderr]

It's 12 am so I'm only gonna do the first chapter but. Nature/nurture reread time. As always;

starting this off with the WARNINGS. This fic will have RECURRING themes of CHILD ABUSE, UNETHICAL MEDICAL EXPERIMENTATION, and MANIPULATION. There will be DRUGS involved. There will be VIOLENCE. There will be HEAVY WHUMP. GROGU DJARIN will be the victim of MOST of these.

Ok? Ok. Let's go. Chapter 1; the monster of a man

For once, the second Wren comes face to face with a blaster nozzle, he knows it’s all over.

WAAAGGHHH first Wren moment literally Ever. His ass was not supposed to be called Wren btw it was a placeholder name that I just forgot to change. Mf chose his own name fr fr

Anyway shortest Wren pov in the entire work. We immediately cut to the boy who's Doing Totally Fine-

Asset wakes up with a soreness in his back.

I miss him ngl. Shame I can't bring him back without Dire Consequences

But the warmth of the bread is a slippery slope to be on, so he forces himself to dip the bread into the soup first, before he eats it.

How's the saying go- One must imagine Sisyphus happy?

He tries his best to be brave, and he tries his best to be strong, but Moving always scares him, just a little bit. He can’t help but hold his breath. Their footsteps sound very loud.

Ough. Not sure what about this passage made me think - oh, he's just a boy

His lips are pursed into an unhappy frown, and for a moment Asset remembers to be afraid.

And then the drug rests on his brain, like a heavy woolly blanket, and he forgets.

Raarrrghhh the way these sentences flow is so gratifying to meeee

Once, Asset had fallen asleep so many times, that the Doctor had no choice but to call Buir over to keep him awake. And Buir had been so upset with him, that-

Well. He’s gotten a lot better at keeping his eyes open, now. He tries really, really hard.

Me when I can do the 'That- Well.' in passages 💥💥💥

The Asset’s ears twitch. He straightens his spine, eyebrows furrowing — for a moment, his sleepiness and dizziness forgotten. He can hear…

…yelling.

A few steps later, the stormtroopers hear it too.

Btw the detail of Asset hearing things first is intentional!!! When him ears too big for him body.....when acute hearing.....waaaggh

It is here does the Asset see. The monster is a person. The monster is a man.

ME WHEN MONSTER MOTIF IN NATURE !!!! WARGHH me when little boys and their monsters......RAARGGHH

And Asset doesn’t want to die.

I feel like I write characters with passive suicidal ideation so often that like, this one feels so much more special. Asset lives through hell every single day. He doesn't want to die. He's just a boy. He doesn't want to die. Asset doesn't want to die.

It's a small thing. Not meant for anything other than air. It's a small thing.

Then again, Asset is small too.

More nature meta!! The phrase 'Asset is small too' is because originally the plan was to make Asset crawl through the vents to and fro the cells. I ended up not implementing that though- felt like the non-visual communication that went on worked way better. Less wonky

Okay that's it for chapter 1!! Tomorrow maaayybe i'll go on to chapter 2!! It's longer and more packed w stuff. More Wren too!! Yayayay

[a-casual-kpopfan]

Our Twilight - Chapter 4

A/N: trigger warning for suicidal thoughts. Everything in this part is all a flashback from what happened in years prior, it will be following the fic as a Third POV.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

MoonVerse

August 9th, 2011

“Come on! We’re going to be late!”

“No, we aren’t. We still have at least 30 minutes to spare.”

“You’re no fun!”

A young Haseul is currently pulling young Min-Joon through the streets, on their way to start their high school life.

“Aren’t you excited for high school?” Haseul asks him excitedly, with a glimmer of joy and excitement in her eyes, to which Min-Joon can only chuckle. “Not really, you know I’d rather not to make any new friends if I can, Seulie.”

“Aw, why not? Making friends is part of the charm from school, you know?” Haseul pouts at your answer.

“Why make more friends when you are enough for me?” Min-Joon smirks mischievously before hitting Haseul (figuratively) with a flirty line, to which Haseul fumbles to even think properly. “Yah! Park Min-Joon!” she blushes furiously “You’ve been reading too many novels!” Haseul yells at him, eliciting another chuckle from him “And you should read more, Seulie~”

With their banter, the two eventually reach the school’s gate, where they happen to witness a… Peculiar pair of students, with the girl lowkey dragging the boy along with her. Even from a distance, Haseul and Min-Joon can hear the girl’s voice. “Yah, Daewon, cheer up! It’s the start of our high school years!”

Min-Joon can’t help but chuckle once he heard that, nudging Haseul “Hey, she sounds like you, don’t you think?” Haseul only smiles brightly, before ditching Min-Joon and running towards that pair of students. “Hey!” and of course, Min-Joon is too late to stop her. (Not like he can stop her anyway.)

Choosing to walk instead of running after her, Min-Joon watches as Haseul runs up to the point, saying something that makes the other girl looks at her with sparkles in her eyes, while the guy behind groans even more.

He then sees Haseul pointing at him, so he takes it as a cue to speed up to catch up to her. “So, what did I miss?” Min-Joon can’t even finish his sentence before Haseul quite literally jumps in his mouth, introducing the pair. “She is Jinsol, and that guy is Daewon, and they are starting high school today as well! Just like us!” Haseul seems to be very hyper to have already found a friend.

Min-Joon, on the other hand, notices the guy behind Jinsol instead, and approaches him, letting the girls talk to each other. “Hey, are you okay?” Min-Joon asks, seeing that the guy looks half asleep, half dead, and very much look like he would rather be somewhere other than here. “Sleepy.” The other guy responds with a delay, looking at Joon with a glare.

“Let me guess, you stayed up late playing games last night, and this morning your friend woke you up early to drag you to school?” With the way the boy’s eyes turn from a glare to a full circle, Min-Joon’s guess was right on the mark.

“Seeing that our friends over there are already getting to know each other” Min-Joon points to a lively Haseul and Jinsol chatting with each other “I think that we are going to see each other more often.” The other boy nods at that. “My name is Park Min-Joon, but you can call me Joon, what’s your name?” Joon offers a hand. “Hak Daewon, call me Dae.” The boy now known as Daewon, takes Joon’s hand.

“See! I told you they would be friends!” The two girls walk over to the two boys, giggling. Joon only shrugs at that, while Daewon grumbles about something underneath his breath. “Come on! we need to get our schedules, and I don’t want to be late on our first day!” Jinsol says while grabbing Daewon’s arm, dragging him in while waving Haseul goodbye.

“They’re kind of odd, aren’t they?” Joon comments, looking at the pair “Like you’re one to say, Mr. I-stay-up-all-night-to-read-a-book.” Haseul snickers “Guilty as charged, heh.”

Haseul then starts to enter the school while Joon is just standing at his spot? Seeing Haseul making friends so easily stirred up something inside of him that he can’t find the words to describe, because, somewhere deep in his heart, he just wants him to be her only friend. (If only he knew back then, what the feeling was.)

“Hmm? What’s wrong?” Haseul notices that Joon is still standing at one spot, making her go back to him. “Promise me, you won’t leave me?” Unconsciously, Joon blurts out those words. He managed to cover his mouth, but it was already too late. However, “What are you saying Joonie?” Haseul bursts out laughing “We’re best friends, I will never leave you.” She smiled at him brightly, making him think for a second that her smile was like the sun, warm and bright.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

--------

September 10th, 2012

It’s been a little more than a year since Joon and Haseul started high school, and things have changed quite a bit. As expected, Haseul and Jinsol got a lot closer, prompting the two boys to talk to each other quite frequently as well. As it turns out, when he isn’t sleep deprived, Daewon is a pretty cool guy to hang out with.

The four of them become more of a group, almost always seen with each other. The girls gain looks of attention and admiration due to their appearances and kindness, while the boys receive glares of jealousy from the other boys from being friends with Haseul and Jinsol. Neither Joon nor Daewon care about that though, and even actively taunts the other guys as retaliation.

However, as fun as it might be, Joon and Haseul doesn’t spend too much time together as they usually did, due to a difference in their classes and club schedules, with Haseul partaking in choir club with Jinsol, and Joon joining the library committee, as predicted by Haseul.

Nonetheless, things are working out, and all 4 of them seem to fit in with high school life by now.

“I want to be an idol.”

Halfway through their lunch break on a particular dull Wednesday, Jinsol drops a bomb on the table. “I’m sorry, I lied. Both me and Haseul want to be idols” Jinsol corrects herself after receiving a glare from Haseul.

“What made you think that Solie?” Daewon questions his best friend as this came unexpectedly. "Don't pretend that I didn't notice you playing SNSD songs, Dae" Jinsol glares at him.

“I don’t know what you mean!” Daewon denies these claims, although Jinsol takes his phone and unlocks it with ease since she knows all his passwords and opens his music playlists. “Mhmm…” As she scrolls through all SNSD.

"Just give up, she knows you more than you do at this point." Joon casually sipping on his juice, not really bothered by the news.

“Okay Mr. Cool, Haseul could you please?” Daewon looks over at Haseul who’s also holding Joon’s phone who has SNSD wallpaper. "Hey, when did you even get my phone-" Joon is bewildered that his phone magically appeared on her hand.

“Black magic!” Daewon is well aware of the women sorcery.

Joon groans at that, while Haseul snickers and hands his phone back to him.

“One more second…” Jinsol mumbles as she’s setting Daewon’s wallpaper to a picture of them when they took it in the summer after their first year.

"Solie!” Daewon is powerless in front of Jinsol at this point. “I’m the only pretty girl you need!” Jinsol hugs Daewon after giving his phone back.

“Yah! I’m going to be an MV director! I’m going to meet real pretty girls” Daewon raises his fist in the air with stars in his eyes.

"Good luck with that" Joon shrugs, finishing his lunch.

Joon really not feeling impressed with this idol talk while Haseul just stays silent for the rest of the lunch period.

Knowing Haseul for a long time, Joon knows something is up. "Are you okay?" He nudges her as they are on their way to the next class, which both of they attend

“I’m okay Joon.” Haseul smiles and tries to reassure him. "You can hide it from everyone, but not from me, Seulie. We've known each other for too long." Joon glances at her

“I’m just tired of studying, I’m fine!” Haseul wraps her arm around his, trying to convince Joon that she is 100% okay

Joon isn't entirely convinced by it, but he drops it nonetheless "I'm always with you no matter what, Seulie, remember that" He instead pats her on the head, smiling gently to her, a gesture he rarely does at school since he doesn't want there to be any misunderstandings.

“I know Joonie.” Haseul smiles slightly as a response to him, leaning her head against his arm

“I know…”

.

.

.

Later that day

“Hey, do you think they are serious about becoming idols?” Dae asks Joon, the two guys hanging out together at the arcade due to the girls having club.

“Probably, Haseul joined a youth choir in elementary, she then got so hooked on singing that she studied opera in elementary as well. Be careful.” Joon says as the 2 guys are blasting through hordes of zombies on a rail shooter game, with Joon saving Dae due to the guy being distracted by their conversation.

“Seeing that both her and Jinsol share a passion for singing.” Joon continues “They really might become idols.” Joon chuckles. “Ah, that makes sense.” Dae nods his head absentmindedly as the 2 guys blast their way to the final boss of the game without even realizing it.

“It’s not like you won’t meet Jinsol again if she does become an idol though.” Joon continued the conversation. “What do you mean?” Dae glances at him. “Didn’t you say that you’re going to be a MV set director, tch, pay attention, you just lost a life.” Joon groans, trying to focus on the boss fight. “If you become a MV set director, you can still work with her, yes?”

“Huh.” Dae becomes silent for a while, completely ignoring the game at this point “Why didn’t I think of that?” “Dumb ass” Joon scoffs. “Then what about you?” Dae turns the question around “If Haseul becomes an idol, are you going to find a job near her as well?”

Joon turns silent at the question, giving enough time for the boss to land a blow, landing them a ‘Game Over’ right at the edge of game completion, to the dismay of the observers around them.

“I… Never really thought of it.” Joon slots the light gun into the holster, stepping aside for others to get their turn at the game, with Dae following him. “I always know Haseul loves singing, and she might become a singer at some point, although…” He falls into contemplation. “I’ve never given much thought about it.”

Feeling slightly guilty for bringing his friend’s mood down, Dae attempts to lighten the mood “It’s ok man, it’s still a faraway future, we can’t say anything for sure.”  Dae puts an arm over Joon’s shoulder, shaking him slightly “Besides, I’m sure you and Haseul can’t be apart for long anyways, and you know that.”

Joon can only chuckle, remembering the times when Haseul dragged him out for something that she could have done herself. “Fair enough” He shrugs. “Now…” Dae glances at the time on his phone. “It’s about time their club activities are finished, what do you say we head back?”

“Sounds good.” Joon nods, leaving the arcade with Dae.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, bro.”

--------

June 6th, 2013

“Aw, don’t look so down, Joonie, I’ll only be gone for a year~”

Despite his best effort at poker face, Joon can’t help but be sad at the sight of his best friend about to board a plane to the other half of the world, away from him.

“Who said I’m down? Without you, I can finally read in my free time.” Joon still tries to put up a brave front, to the exasperation of his aunt, and his friends, Jinsol and Dae.

“Does it kill you to just show your emotion? Damned kid” Joon’s aunt ruffles your head “The library is going to be real quiet without you, Haseul. Do your best over there, yeah?”

“Thank you, auntie, I will” Haseul smiles, before being embraced by Jinsol “You better come back, yeah? We still have our dreams to fulfill” With a strong hug, Jinsol lets Haseul go while trying her best not to cry. “Good luck over there, we’re going to miss you” Dae smiles fondly, patting Haseul in her shoulder. “Of course! Who do you think I am?” Haseul snickers at him.

Meanwhile, Joon watches them all silently, letting them have their moments, until Haseul turns to him. “I’ll improve on my English, mark my words!” Haseul points at him in a dramatic way, puffing up her cheek, inciting a snicker from him “Mhmm, I’ll be waiting.”

Haseul then suddenly pulls him in for a hug, mumbling something only for the two of them to hear “Don’t worry, I’ll keep my promise, I won’t leave you.”

Just as suddenly, she releases him from her hug, a bright smile plastered on her face “Did you know? We say goodbye for now, so that we can say hello to each other again. So, I’m definitely coming back, because this is where I belong.” For Joon, her smile at that moment is brighter than even the sun itself, bright, warm, and full of hope.

And with that, Haseul follows her aunt into the boarding station, gradually disappearing amongst the crowd of people, with Joon trying to find her silhouette until she can’t be seen anymore.

“You’re finally being honest to yourself, you brat” His aunt seems to snicker, as Joon’s eyes turn blurry from the tears that he’s been holding in ever since he heard that Haseul’s going to leave.

“You better keep your promise…” Joon mumbles to himself.

--------

September 11th, 2013

“……”

“……”

“…. Joon.”

“…. Joon…”

“PARK MIN-JOON!”

With a deafening shout, Joon snaps out of his stupor, looking up at the owner of the voice “You need something?”

Dae lets out a sigh as he sits down next to Joon. “Are you ok?” Dae looks at Joon worriedly “Duh, I’m fine, what do you mean?” Joon raises his eyebrow

“Bro, you didn’t join me and Solie at our usual table, opting to sit outside. Also, lunchbreak is almost over, yet you barely touched your lunch” Dae points to the sandwich that Joon’s been holding ever since lunch started.

Joon lets out a single ‘oh,’ before looking down on the ground, not even bothered to eat his lunch.

“Look, I know you miss Haseul, we all do, but you can’t be like this, you know she won’t like it when she knows you’re being like this” Rather uncharacteristically, Dae scolds Joon for neglecting himself, despite being scolded by Jinsol in a regular basis for the same reason.

“I know, it’s just…” Joon lets out a sigh “Never mind, I’m sorry for being like that, just give me some time alone for now” Joon stands up and walks off, leaving Dae sitting there, looking at the guy.

“I know they are close, but I never thought it would be this close…” Now it’s Dae’s turn to let out a sigh.

Surprisingly enough, a few days later, Joon begins to return to his normal self again. Although, for Jinsol and Daewon, they know that he’s just trying his best in order to not let Haseul down. But seeing their friend behaving normally after months of being down, they are content with Joon trying his best to be happy again, even if his best friend isn’t here for now.

--------

December 7th, 2014

On a typical winter day, with snow covering almost everywhere, most people would rather stay at home, wrapped in a warm blanket while enjoying a cup of hot cocoa. However, Park Min-Joon is not ‘most people.’

Ever since early in the morning, Joon has been up and running, being too excited to stay still. “Kid, calm down, looking at you are walking around like this is making me dizzy” Joon’s aunt scolds him.

“But today-”

“Yes, Haseul is coming back today, but her plane isn’t landing for another hour, so would you please calm down, dear nephew of mine?” His aunt interrupts him “I made you some hot cocoa, so it would be wasteful to not drink it, hm?” She slides a mug to his usual spot at the table, the steam coming up from the mug indicates freshly made hot cocoa, perfect for weather like this.

“Fine….” Begrudgingly, Joon takes a sit at the table and sips it “…Thank you auntie” “Don’t mention it kid” His aunt ruffles his head gently with a smile.

The two of them sit there in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying their hot drink in the chilly weather, that is, until….

Ding Dong

“Oh…did you order takeout, auntie?” Joon asks his aunt while looking at the front door. “Let me get it” Before his aunt says anything, Joon is already up and on his way, entirely missing the mischievous smile that his aunt has….

“Hello?” Right as Joon opens the door, expecting to see a delivery man, what he sees is entirely different. A petite frame, wrapped in a bundle of coat and scarf. Black, slightly wavy hair, down just pass her shoulder, pair with her mesmerizing brown eyes and a charming smile.

Her smile.

“Surprise!” It’s none other than Jo Haseul, standing in front of his doorstep, completely catching him by surprise, as shown by the completely befuddled expression on Joon’s face

“H-huh?”

“Did you miss me so much that you turn stupid?” Haseul giggles at the state of her best friend. “B-but your flight was supposed to land an hour later!” Haseul only smirks “Hehe, I lied about that, I wanted to give you a surprise, and looking at you right now, it’s safe to say that my plan worked” Haseul smiles proudly and satisfied, finally getting a leg up over Joon.

“Well, you’re not going to invite me in?” She says innocently, with her cute puppy eyes that snaps Joon out of his daze. Groaning, he steps aside for her to come in “You got me this time, Seulie”

“Hehe~” Haseul giggles as she heads in, greeting Joon’s aunt with a quick hug.

“It’s nice to see you again, Haseul” “It’s nice to see you too auntie”

They then head to the kitchen where they proceed to chat with each other, catching up with what’s been going on, completely forgetting Joon who is still at the door.

“Seriously, I’m her nephew, not her….” Joon grumpily complains, mostly to himself, before closing the door then joining them at the table, not really saying anything else besides enjoying Haseul’s presence again after so long.

Soon enough, Joon starts to space out listening to the conversation, like he usually does these days, when Haseul isn’t around to pull him away.

“Joon?” hearing her say his name is enough to snap him out of it. “Yeah?”

“Can we get some rest? I’m still kind of tired…” Haseul yawns slightly. “Aren’t you talking with auntie?” “What do you mean? Auntie left like, 5 minutes ago” Haseul raises an eyebrow.

“Oh….”

“Joonie, are you sick?” Haseul starts to get worried “No, no, I’m fine, I just…tend to space out a lot nowadays I guess” Joon shrugs. “Really? I don’t really remember you spacing out back then though” Haseul tilts her head confused. “Well, I never had the time to be by myself with you dragging me around almost all the time” Joon snickers, patting her head, causing Haseul to laugh slightly as well.

“True enough….” Haseul lets out another yawn, stretching her arms. Wordlessly, Joon lead Haseul up to his room, with Haseul following him obediently. “Wait, your parents know you’re staying over here, right?” “Of course, they do”

Reaching Joon’s room, Haseul takes a few minutes to look around “It didn’t change much, huh” “Well, I don’t see why I would change it, you helped with the decoration after all” Joon shrugs, preparing the bed for Haseul, unaware of the look in Haseul’s eyes when she hears that “Feel free to use my bed, like usual, call me if you- oi!”

Not letting Joon finish his words, Haseul tackles him onto the bed, hugging him tightly “Be careful! I almost hit my head onto the bedhead!” Joon complains, yet Haseul stays uncharacteristically silent.

“…Seulie?” Joon notices it, switching his tone to a gentler one. Haseul mumbles something, barely noticeable for Joon if it wasn’t for the fact that Haseul is hugging him: “I kept my promise.”

Joon lets out a scoff, despite the big goofy smile on his face, as he puts her back gently.

“Welcome home, Seulie”

Joon doesn’t receive any answer to that, but he feels a nod from her head, rested against his chest. And for him, that’s all he needs to know.

The reunited pair of best friends gradually fall sleep together, cuddling and clinging to each other.

--------

May 6th, 2015

“Please Joonie, please, please, please~”

“Seulie, you already know the answer….”

“But! It never hurts to actually try, you know!”

Dae is just sipping on his juice as he watches Haseul bugging Joon for the past hour. “Uhm, why is she bugging him like that?” He leans to the side and whispers to Jinsol. “Oh, there’s a singing contest happening soon nearby, and teacher recommended Haseul to join.” Jinsol answers while fiddling with Dae’s phone, changing his wallpaper into different pictures of her and the group.

“Ok….and how does that relate to Joon?” His question earns a sigh from Jinsol “She wants him to join with her as a duet, of course” Daewon finally connects the dots, much to the annoyance of Jinsol. “But he can’t sing though?”

“According to Haseul, he can, he just doesn’t like to” Jinsol goes back to messing around with Dae’s phone. “Well, he doesn’t really join us on our karaoke hangouts, so make sense I guess.” Dae takes a few minutes to remember to all the times Joon reject going to the karaoke with them.

“Please.” Haseul now hits Joon (figuratively) with her puppy eyes, knowing that Joon cannot reject her with that. “Urgh, that’s cheating!” True to form, Joon crumbles underneath her puppy eyes “Fine, I’ll join your contest, only this time, okay?”

“YES! FINALLY!” Haseul bear hugs him “You won’t regret it, Joonie!” “Yeah, yeah.”

And with that, Joon starts to join Haseul in her room that evening, finding a song that they could perform for the contest.

“How about we do an English song?”

“Why?” Joon seems genuinely confused

“Because I’m pretty sure everyone is going to do SNSD songs, and I want us to be different!” Haseul cheerfully replies to him.

“Mhmm. Are you confident in your English?”

Haseul rolls her eyes “I lived for a year in America, of course I am!” She then browses through the selection, before selecting a song “How about this?” “This song!” Joon looks at Haseul skeptically

“Yeah! I listened to it all the time when I was abroad!” Haseul smiles at Joon brightly.

“Would it work?” Joon plays the song on her speaker

“It’s ok, we can figure it out as we go” Haseul hums with the song, already making some kind of notes.

“Alright then.” Since he has already agreed to it, Joon decides to do his best as well. Anything for her.

From then on, Haseul and Joon spend a lot of time together after school practicing for the contest, with Haseul fixing Joon’s unhealthy habits in order to improve his singing voice.

“Joonie, I believe you can be a singer someday if you want to.” Haseul comments during one of their practice sessions. “Why do you think that?” Joon raises an eyebrow, chugging his bottle of water. “Well, you already have good foundations, minus the few bad habits, you even know how to use your diaphragm, despite rarely singing at all, are you sure you aren’t practicing behind my back?” Haseul smiles teasingly, poking his cheek.

“No, I read about it in a book from the library, and tried to use it whenever I exercise, so it became a habit.” “That explains why you look thinner!” Haseul exclaims, feigning shock. “You’re not my Joonie, my Joonie would never go exercise without me dragging him, what have you done to him?!” She points a finger accusingly at him, although her giggle is betraying her real intention.

“Because when I exercise, I wouldn’t miss you as much.”

“Do I need a reason to be fit?” Once again, Joon covers up his real reason with his brave front, managing to successfully fool Haseul once more. “Well, it’s good that you’re more conscious about your body now, Joonie~” She pokes his abdomen through his shirt. “Keep this up and I might fall for you~” Haseul smirks at him teasingly, turning Joon’s face slight red. “W-what are you doing?!”

“Hehe, just joking~” Haseul smiles brightly.

“Don’t joke like that!” With a flustered face, Joon looks away “People might get misunderstandings!”

Haseul rolls her eyes at him. “I don’t really mind that, actually…” She thinks to herself but decides not to say anything about it.

Days gone by, both of them practice almost every time they are free, and it’s been fun, really fun. For Joon, he realizes singing isn’t as bad as he thought it would be, and when Haseul is by his side, everything is good, everything is right. As long as she is with him.

For Haseul, just the fact that she got Joon into singing is good enough for her. Her best friend, her favorite person, doing the activity that she loves the most with her, what more can she ask for? Well, there is one more thing that she wants to do with him, but for now, she is content with this. As long as he is with her.

.

.

.

Two weeks later…

Here they are, hours poured into their practice, for just a few minutes of standing on the stage, a few minutes where the spotlight is on them, and them only, thinking about that make Joon extremely nervous, despite the fact that he’s been trying to hide his nervousness under his usual calm façade.

And of course, his façade doesn’t work for Haseul, whose hand is patting his shoulder gently “Deep breaths Joonie, don’t worry, we can do this.” With a gentle smile and her soothing words, she manages to calm his nerves down a bit.

“I just hope I don’t screw it up” Joon lets out a shaky laugh, his hands intertwined with each other, thumbs fiddling and pushing against each other in an expression of nervousness.

“I know you won’t, Joonie, trust me” Once again, Haseul smiles gently at him, reassuring him that everything will be fine.

“Look, it’s our turn now” Haseul catches the announcement, gently pulling Joon up, and away from the waiting room, and onto the stage, into the spotlight.

With her.

For a moment, Joon can’t really hear anything around him.

Sure, he can make out somewhat that Haseul is introducing the both to the judge’s bellow. He can see Dae and Jinsol sitting in the audience seats, bickering at something, like they usually do. But this moment feels surreal to him.

He looks at Haseul shining brightly on stage, talking with the MC, and he has a small revelation in his heart. One that has always been right in front of his face, but he has never had the courage to look at it directly.

Haseul belongs to the stage, the spotlight, the attention. It is her rightful place, and she deserves all of it. And there’s no place for him next to her once she’s there.

Thankfully enough, Joon snaps out of his stupor at the sound of music, the piano notes leading gently into Haseul’s part.

(A/N: the italic part in the brackets indicates Joon as backup vocal for Haseul, the bold italic part indicates their inner thoughts)

“Love that once hung on the wall,

Used to mean something, but now it means nothing”

When her voice fills the auditorium, everyone turns silent, she demands attention with her voice, and she gets it.

With every single syllable coming from her lips, she slowly lulls everyone into her dream, her own world. Joon almost fell into a daze as well, but he remembers that he has a mission to do here, and that is to make sure Haseul gets the spotlight she deserves.

“…Oh, there isn’t one thing left you could say,

I’m sorry it’s too late”

So Joon does what he is here to do, he joins in at the chorus, harmonizing with her vocals, alleviating her gentle voice with his warm, low tone.

“I’m breaking free from these memories

       (breaking free)      (these memories)

Gotta let it go, just let it go

        (let it go)    (let it go)

I’ve said goodbye, set it all on fire

             (Goodbye, set it all on fire)

Gotta let it go, just let it go

        (let it go)    (let it go)”

Both harmonize at the last note, as his low voice compliments neatly for her high note, creating a perfect harmony for the ears.

After the chorus comes Joon’s turn, not that he has anytime to panic, he just jumps straight into it. Just like how they practiced.

“You came back to find I was gone

And that was empty, like the hole that was left in me”

For Haseul, all she could think about at that moment isn’t about how she is finally on stage, doing what she loves best. But rather, how smooth, and gentle Joon’s voice really is.

For all his reasoning about not wanting to sing, her friend really has a talent for it. Haseul smiles lightly as she takes a brief glance at him. Her dream hasn’t always just been her and Jinsol becoming idols.

What if….

“It's not that you meant to me”

What if Joon becomes an idol like her as well? Wouldn’t it be great?

“Thought we were meant to be”

What if he could stand with her on stage just like this?

How awesome would it be?

“Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say

I'm sorry it's too late”

Haseul almost misses the next part, being too deep into her thought, but thankfully they manage to harmonize again for the chorus, captivating the audience once again with their synchronization.

Now comes the final part, the duet, where they sing together, where they practice a lot, all their efforts rest at this moment. Their eyes lock sight of each other, like they are having a conversation just to themselves.

“I let it go…” “I let you go once…”

“…And now I know”

“I know, it’s ok”

“A brand-new life…” “But I’m back”

“…is down this road”

“So, this is our new ‘life’”

“Where it’s right….” “It’s right when we are together”

“…you always know”

“Always have been”

“So, this time…” “I won’t leave you anymore”

“I won’t let go!”

“I’m never letting you go”

.

.

.

At the audience seats

If Dae had any doubts about Joon’s singing, they are all dispersed now with that performance Joon is having with Haseul. “Holy shit….” Jinsol can only nod silently to that, being equally shocked as well. “A voice like that and he refuses to join us in karaoke…” Dae mumbles grumpily somewhat, to which Jinsol ignores.

However, at the moment that Haseul and Joon finish their performance, Jinsol immediately pulls Dae backstage, where they wait until Haseul and Joon come back to the backstage, after receiving the applause that they absolutely deserve.

“You guys did great!” Jinsol pulls both into a hug, squealing “Oh my god! I really can’t find a way to describe it, it was so…good! Even though it was in English.” Jinsol is still hugging both. “Also, yah! Park Min-Joon! I’m dragging you to every karaoke session from now on!” to which Joon only shrugs.

“Excuse me” Suddenly, a voice comes up behind them.

All four of them turn around to see a man wearing a formal suit, with a polite smile on his face “Can I talk to you guys for a bit?” The man gestures to Haseul and Joon, both looking at each other for a bit, before Haseul agreeing to meet him, and gently peel Jinsol off them.

“I’ll see you guys in a bit, ok?” Haseul smiles, pulling Joon with her as they follow the man into a nearby room.

“Who is he?” Dae raises an eyebrow quizzically.

“Maybe… A scout?” Jinsol wonders “For real?” Dae snaps his head, looking at Jinsol “After a performance like that, why are you so surprised?” Jinsol glances at him.

“…Yeah, you’re right…”

After a while, an excited Haseul bursts out of the room, followed by a calm Joon, closing the door behind him before approaching them.

“So?” Both Dae and Jinsol ask simultaneously.

“We got scouted!” Haseul hugs Joon excitedly “We’re going to be idols, Joonie!”

“Congrats!” Jinsol jumps in joy, hugging Haseul as well, making Joon also bear the force of her hug along with Haseul’s. “Girls… Can’t breathe….”

“Oh, sorry!” Both girls release him from their hugs, turning to hug each other instead. “This causes for a celebration!” Both of them skip away to their favorite snack spot, leaving the two boys behind.

“Heh, it looks like you know what you’re going to do in the future, huh?” Dae pats Joon’s shoulder, to which Joon turns to smile at him…

Now, despite them only being friends at the start due to the girls being friends with each other, Dae and Joon quickly grew to be close. Close enough that Dae can tell that Joon’s smile never reached his eyes. Instead, he looks more somber and contemplative rather than excited and happy.

“What’s wrong?” Dae turns worried

After a few moments of silence, Joon finally answers:

“I’m…”

“I’m not going to accept the offer.”

--------

A few days later…

Joon hasn’t been able to meet Haseul ever since the contest.

Given that she won first place, and was even scouted as a trainee, she should be happy. However, upon hearing that Joon isn’t going to join her as a fellow trainee. Haseul’s attitude change a whole 180

She ditched them midway through their celebration, and decided to give Joon the cold shoulder, even in school.

Seeing that, Joon can’t help but be hurt about it, but still decided not to reach out, to give her space for herself.

He can see that his decision affected her a lot, thanks to the fact that her eyes almost always look bloodshot, and puffy.

What else can he do, though? Joon thinks to himself. He is not meant to be on stage, he is not meant to be in the limelight, to be the focus of attention, to be-

Ding Dong

Well, this seems oddly familiar.

He knows that, beyond that door is Haseul, and she is here demanding to know the reason why he refused.

Steeling himself, he opens the front door to indeed see Haseul, looking tired with puffy eyes, yet with a stern gaze.

He lets her in silently, then walks to the kitchen where he prepares a drink for her and himself. The two of them now sit at the kitchen table, sipping on their drinks in awkward silence.

“Look, Seulie.” Joon decides to speak first, not wanting this silence to continue anymore.

“Why?” He is cut off by Haseul, her eyes looking directly at him. “Why did you refuse?”

With a heavy heart, he decides to tell her the truth. “I’m not fit to be on the stage, Haseul.”

“Then what about our performance?” Haseul’s strained voice, clearly due to her crying a lot, breaks his heart into pieces.

“I joined, because I didn’t want to disappoint you, Seulie. Also, because it is only a one-time thing, which was why I agreed” Joon tries to explain slowly for her.

“Then our time practicing together, you didn’t enjoy them?” Haseul looks at him with a sad gaze

“Of course, I do Seulie, of course I do.”

“Then, why?”

“B-because I’m not suited in the stage, Haseul!” Joon finally lets out his real thought

“That stage is yours, Haseul. All the spotlight, attention, all-all the love and affection from the audiences, which was all for you, Haseul, not for me” With each work Joon utter, he can see Haseul looking even more sad, but it’s too late to stop now.

“It’s your dream to become an idol, Haseul… Not mine.” Joon begins to choke on his words.

“I-I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t like…I-I just wanted to stay besides you….”

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU AGREE? WE WOULD BE TOGETHER IF WE JOIN AS TRAINEES!” Haseul stands up with a glare at him, a glare void of any real anger, but filled with sorrow and pain.

“BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE ONE, I WAS NEVER ONE FOR IT, ONLY YOU ARE SUITABLE FOR IT!” Haseul’s anger fit seems to trigger Joon’s as well as it’s his turn to raise his voice now.

“THEN WHAT ABOUT OUR PROMISE?” Haseul isn’t holding back her tears anymore, as she glares at him with tears running down her cheeks.

“YOU MADE ME PROMISE TO NEVER LEAVE YOU, THAT’S WHY I WANTED YOU TO JOIN ME” Haseul yells at him, before her voice turns strained, broken like shattered glass, each piece impaled themselves into Joon’s heart. “I’m keeping my promise, so why is it that you’re the one leaving me….”

‘Haseul, I- That’s not what I meant!” Joon at this point has also lost control of his emotion, his tears rolling down his cheek.

“We’re done, Min-Joon” Haseul glares at him. “I don’t want to see you ever again.” She abruptly leaves the kitchen, and goes out his front door, before Joon gets the chance to say anything else.

 “Haseul, p-please, listen to me! I-” Joon is almost begging her to stay, but it’s too late. The front door has already been slammed shut, just like his connection to Haseul. “Seulie… Please.” He breaks down sobbing on the floor like a baby losing its toy. Minus the fact that Haseul was never just a “toy” or a “friend” to Min-Joon.

She is more than that.

She is his first love.

And now, he has lost her.

--------

December 8th, 2016

It’s been more than a year since their argument.

Joon has lost every contact with Haseul, his messages were never returned, calls he’s made always end with a beep. He can’t even see her now, since she moved into the trainee dorm right after their argument, not wanting to see him for a second longer.

It was hellish for Park Min-Joon.

His grades started to plummet, and he began to skip classes, to the constant worries of his teachers and friends alike. He retreated into his room, refusing to go out for weeks at a time.

His once fit body became frail, and he lost all motivation towards improving himself.

Without Haseul, Joon loses his guiding light, and it seems like he is spiraling further and further down into depression.

“Kid? Joon?” A knock on his door, the voice sounds like his aunt’s. Everything is blurry to him now, he has a tough time recognizing her voice, it’s not like he cares anyways.

“I left you some food in the fridge, ok? Please eat, I’m worried sick about you. Even Daewon has been visiting more often, please at least meet him once, ok?”

Joon makes no effort to respond to her.

“Ok, I love you kid….” Coupled with the sound of footsteps, Joon is sure that his aunt has left for the library.

Daewon.

Joon hasn’t seen him in a while, nor does he want to meet with him. Apparently, Dae is really going to become a MV set director to work with Jinsol, who was admitted into a trainee program. “Good for them, I guess.”

Looking at his friends, Joon curses himself for being so…weak. So helpless. So pathetic. Wouldn’t it be better if he wasn’t alive anymore?

Joon’s attention turns to the bottle of sleeping pills sitting on his bed desk.

With just a chug, everyone will be rid of the baggage that is him. Sure, they will cry and mourn for him, but in due time, he will be forgotten.

Just like how Haseul has forgotten him.

Just as he reaches for the bottle though, his phone’s screen turns to life with a blinding light amongst his dark room, with a notification.

Joon was about to dismiss it, until he sees the phrase ‘Haseul’ in the notifications.

He immediately checks it. Turns out it’s a message from Daewon.

“Look, Haseul is debuting soon. I don’t know if you’re reading this, but I think you would want to know.”

Attached to the message was a twitter post from a page titled “Girl of the Month (Loona)” with its content being to tease the debut of someone, with a picture of her, with her face hidden.

Joon instantly recognizes the girl as Haseul and realizes that her dream is about to come true.

“Then what about me?” Joon thinks to himself.

After a while to think for himself, he decides to dial her number yet again, hoping she would pick up so that he can congratulate her. Only that he is met with the cold robotic voice: “This number is not available.”

“Heh… Haha… HAHAHAHAHA!” Overwhelmed with sadness and sorrow, something seems to snap inside Joon, making him laugh out loud almost manically.

Haseul…

She left him a year ago to become an idol, and now that she’s about to debut, he has to know about it through their mutual friend.

A strange anger seems to be ignited within him.

“So, I’m not worth anything in your eyes unless I become an idol like you?”

Joon thinks back about the argument they had a year ago.

“Fine, two can play that game” Joon grinds his teeth in anger.

“I’ll become even more famous than you, you will have no choice but to notice me again”

Joon stands straight up, the flame of anger and revenge burns bright in his eyes.

“Watch me, Jo Haseul. I will make you notice me again.”

.

.

.

.

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April 21st, 2017

It’s already past midnight.

At this point in time, most people would have been buried inside their blankets, resting after a long day of working.

However, Min-Joon isn’t most people.

At this ungodly time of night, when everyone should be resting, Min-Joon is still practicing hard.

“Niga hamyeon da majneun mal-i dwae, niga hamyeon nan igiji moshaneunde”

Besides the music, all that can be heard is the sounds of footsteps when Joon moves with the beat of the song, and his heavy breathing.

Due to his exhaustion, his movement ends up sloppy, and he trips on his own feet, falling face first onto the floor. “… Fucking…” Min-Joon grunts, trying to get up on the floor to no avail thanks to him practicing endlessly ever since morning.

For the past 4 months, Min-Joon has been busy. He started going out and working out again, to the delight of his aunt. However, Min-Joon decided to drop out of high school, to the utter surprise of everyone who has ever known him.

When asked about it, he refused to say anything, except for his aunt, and Daewon, that he is ‘going to be an idol.’

And with that, Joon dedicated his time into building up his body once again, focusing on maintaining a fit physique with lots of stamina, like the ‘male idol’s ideal body.’ Afterwards, he focused on his vocals, relying on YouTube and the internet for free lessons to enhance his singing voice. (He resolutely refused to apply Haseul’s old teaching, unless it was mentioned in a video or article.)

After 3 months of upgrading himself, he directly applied for trainee at Polaris, the parent company of Blockberry Creative, the label that Haseul was contracted with. After an audition that was, frankly, quite easier than he thought, he was admitted as a trainee, under the nickname of ‘MJ.’

Thanks to him having already prepared himself beforehand, Joon quickly got recognized for his talent, and became one of the top trainees in the company.

Though he wasn’t good enough to debut quite yet, they told him that with his efforts, it would be soon.

That was a month ago.

Currently, Joon is lying on the floor of the dance studio, exhausted and sore, yet determined to practice more, to the point of overworking and potentially harming himself.

“As expected, you’re still here.” A feminine voice rings out from the entrance, prompting Joon to turn to the door. “…Instructor-nim….” He manages to croak out with a tired voice.

“Aish, didn’t you just have your evaluation the other day? Why are you pushing yourself so hard already?” His dance instructor walks over to him, before sitting down. “I had a conversation with the other instructors this morning, and they were all amazed by how much you progressed in just a month.” She says to him, patting his back.

“I get that being a trainee is unforgiving, and strict. But it isn’t worth potentially harming your body just for it.” She gives him a stern look.

“I’m fine, instructor-nim” Joon manages to let out a small smile as he struggles to sit up next to her, his arms, and legs trembling. “…Mhmm, say that to your shaky arms and legs” Of course, there is no hiding that from his instructor.

The instructor watches as Joon slowly sits crossed leg on the floor, his posture hunching forward, causing his sweat drenched hair to cover up his eyes, making the instructor unable to tell what kind of expression Joon is making.

“Tell me, MJ” The instructor lets out a sigh “Why are you doing this?”

Joon looks up at her with a confused expression. “To become an idol, of course-” “Not that.”

“Eh?” Joon eyes the instructor weirdly. “I’ve seen many trainees with a burning conviction to become an idol, but they have something that you lack.” The instructor’s gaze turns sharp “You lack the passion, MJ” Joon’s eyes turn downcast as he listens to his instructor’s words.

“I’ve spent a lot of time teaching others how to dance, so I can tell what their personality is based on how they dance.”

The instructor takes out a can of beer from her coat’s inner pocket. “And I can see that you do not enjoy dancing.” She cracks it open and sips from it. “Your body might memorize the moves quickly, but your movement lacks a sense of purpose, you’re just dancing because you need to, not because you want to.” She then turns her gaze back to the silent Joon, smirking slightly.

“Did I hit the jackpot?”

Silently, Joon offers a small nod at her words.

“Then, why do you want to be an idol?” The instructor leans forwards, her eyes glued to him. “What is it that you need to do so much, that you’re willing to break your body for something that you don’t even enjoy?” Her voice’s filled with curiosity.

“I’m sorry instructor-nim, but I can’t tell you.” After a long while, Joon raises his head to look at her, his eyes filled with…something, something so strong and deep, it sends a chill down the instructor’s spine.

“...Fine, if you still insist on being an idol, who am I to stop you?” She decides to give up on her curiosity. “However, I do not want to see you harming yourself like this again, or else my evaluation for you will drop, got it?” She eyes him with a glare.

“Thank you, instructor-nim.” Joon bows deeply, expressing his gratitude.

“I’ll talk with the other instructors, take tomorrow off” Finishing the beer can, his instructor stands up “Eh? But practice?”

“Will be move to the day after, your body clearly need rest, after you put it through the ringer.” She smirks at him. “Don’t worry, the other instructors won’t mind, trust me.”

“You don’t have to.” Before Joon got to finish his words, he is interrupted by his instructor “I do, and I will.” She looks at him “How long do you expect to last, when you’re harming yourself like that? Think about the long term, won’t you?” Her eyes softened just a tad bit. “I have no doubt that you can become an idol, but try to enjoy yourself while you can, ok?”

“This is the only time I’m covering for you, MJ. There won’t be a second time.” Her final words as she leaves the dance studio, leaving Joon alone with the music still playing on loop from the speakers.

“…Enjoy myself huh….” Joon mulls over his instructor’s words.

“Unfortunately, I can’t do that, instructor-nim….” Joon slowly stands up

“Not until I meet her again.”

After some time, Min-Joon decides to get some rest. After all, his instructor is right, and he should take care of himself more. Joon chuckles to himself, thinking back to his aunt, who would also act similarly to his instructor.

“I should give her a call” Joon mumbles to himself as he cleans up and leaves the studio for the dorm, finally getting some rest for the day.

.

.

.

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November 20th, 2017

And so, time goes by. Days, weeks, months, Joon fully devotes himself to training, improving, molding himself into the ‘perfect idol.’ With a great body, flawless looks, and gentle personality, he gradually wins the hearts of the instructors and fellow trainees alike.

He still isn’t good enough to debut as an idol.

But he is close, oh so very close.

He can see her again, he can flaunt that he is a better idol than her, and then, she will have to look at him… right?

Why is it that the closer to the goal, the more he feels… sad?

For the past months of his training, Joon has witnessed many things. He witnessed the harshness of a trainee’s life. Being unable to eat what they want, always having to watch their diet, to the point of almost malnutrition. He witnessed the intensity of the training, nothing that he couldn’t handle, but certainly too much for trainees who have never had any kind of preparation.

How many times has he heard the cries of trainees coming from the bathroom?

Trainees, who always had a smile on their faces, but were also suffering, and for what?

It didn’t take long for Joon to realize: It was their dream.

No matter what, they wholeheartedly, genuinely want to become an idol. They were inspired, and they wanted to stand on the stage. Because it was, no, it still is their dream. They learn to enjoy the dancing, the singing, learning how to make their presence known. They take everything they have learnt, and they still enjoy it, no matter how harsh it may be.

They can endure everything if it means their dream can come true.

If so… What about himself?

The trainee MJ never found any enjoyment out of singing or dancing. He never wanted to become an idol. Everything he did for the past months….it was only for Haseul to look at him again.

And if she does… What’s after it?

Is he going to continue to be an idol? Doing something that he’s never wanted to do?

If he became an idol just to see her, then quit once she’s acknowledged him again, won’t he just be breaking their promise once again?

“What am I supposed to do….” Joon mulls to himself, sitting on his bed at the dorm.

Today’s a rare day off, and everyone has either gone out to relax, or get some more sleep. The only one awake in the dorm right now is him.

With nothing else to do, Joon absentmindedly plays some random videos on YouTube to distract himself from his thoughts.

However, not even on YouTube can he escape, as the next video that plays is a Loona video. More specifically, it’s Haseul.

“Great….” Joon considers turning off his phone and gets some sleep, but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to turn it off, his eyes immediately glued to Haseul as she was on her way to airport for some sort of abroad filming.

Before Joon even realized it, he binged through many Loona TV episodes.

Watching Haseul interacting with her fellow members, how happy she is that she was chosen for Loona. And Jinsol! or should he say, Jinsoul, now? She also managed to become an idol as well, debuting in the same group as Haseul.

Watching both together again brings back memories for him. Memories of a time long past, of how they were always together as a group, studying together, causing chaos together…

Seeing Jinsoul inevitably cause Joon to remember about her male counterpart, Daewon as well.

It’s been a long time since he’s met the guy, both barely communicate via texts and calls. Part of Joon is surprised that Dae still replies to his messages. From what Joon knows, Dae has been very busy as well. Is he pursuing his dream of being a MV director?

Then, what about himself?

Unbeknownst to him, tears have already streamed down his eyes as he lays on his bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling.

“Why am I doing this….” He mutters to himself.

Haseul and Jinsol pursued their dream, and they were successful. Their fans love them, with the ‘Girl of the Month’ project certainly creating a lot of hype and appeal for them. However, that doesn’t deny the efforts that the girls put in.

They really, truly love being an idol, and are determined to be one.

Then, there’s Daewon, whose dream is to be a MV director so that he can work with idols, and to an extension, Jinsol.

Joon can’t help but chuckle to himself. With how much Dae gush over Jinsol in the chat, to the point that he intentionally sets his dream to be close to hers, one would think that he’s in love with-

…

Wait.

Joon sits up from his bed abruptly, looking like he’s just found out the secret to the universe.

Well, Joon really did just find out the answer for frankly, a lot of things.

Love.

Daewon definitely loves Jinsol. The hints are all there, even if Dae refuses to admit it. They might start as friends, but with how close they really are, it’s a no brainer that eventually, Dae would fall in love with Jinsol.

Then… Joon thinks back to his past.

Did he love Haseul?

Or more importantly, does he still love Haseul?

Joon takes a moment to compose himself, sifting through the memories of their past, his actions, his motivations, his mindset. And he arrives at his answer quickly.

Yes, he still does.

Who frequently pulled him out of his house to go out and play? Haseul.

Who showed him that there were other interesting stuffs besides reading? Haseul.

Who was willing to stick by his side, although he can be a prick at times? Haseul.

Who never failed to pull him into activities, afraid that he would be left out? Haseul.

Who helped him find new friends to talk with, such as Daewon and Jinsol? Haseul.

Who, besides his aunt, was always by him when he was grieving for the loss of his parents? Haseul.

Who was there for him when he needed it the most? Haseul.

Who kept their promise? Haseul.

Who broke their promise? Himself.

That’s it.

There’s no stopping the crying from overflowing now.

Luckily enough, Joon was fast enough to run to the bathroom and locked himself there. He can’t have others questioning him after all. Even if no one is currently awake right now, he doesn’t want anyone to see him vulnerable.

Once Joon is sure that he’s alone, tears start to fall uncontrollably from his eyes, as he slumps down onto the floor, sobbing quietly to himself.

Hic. “Haseul…I-I’m…sorry…” For the first time in a long while, Joon loses control over himself. No longer the charismatic, charming yet somewhat aloof trainee MJ, who excels in everything. Now lies a sobbing Park Min-Joon, a mess of a human being, someone who realized what he had actually lost, yet it was too late to make any amends now, so he does the only thing that he can do.

He cries.

He sobs for the fact that, he never realized his feelings for his dear friend, and only realized it too late, even thinking about revenge on her for abandoning him.

It took him this long to realize it, but there’s no way he can deny it anymore.

He loved- no, loves Jo Haseul.

Always have been, always will be.

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.

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.

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April 25th, 2018

“What, you are going to refuse the debut offer?”

“Weren’t you the one who told me that I’m not suited to be an idol, instructor-nim?”

“Aish, that was… Aigo, you’re driving me mad, MJ!”

“Sorry, instructor-nim”

At the rooftop of the building, Joon and his instructor is having a conversation about his debut, however, everything is going very weird…

“Then why did you even practice that hard?? You wasted all that time, and for what? You’re just going to back down, just like that?” To say that his instructor is irritated is an understatement, as she is hearing Joon say that he is throwing away all his hard work.

“… I thought long and hard about my purpose to be here, instructor-nim.” Instead of answering her, Joon seems to talk about something entirely different.

“I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, being here and all… It turns out, I was wrong, like always.” Joon lets out a self-deprecating smile. “You were right, instructor-nim. I have neither the passion, nor love for this profession.” Joon pauses for a bit, gathering his thoughts. “I thought that if I manage to become an idol, I will gain someone’s recognition, and they would finally look at me again.”

“MJ…”

“But… I realized that isn’t the case here. I realized that I was thinking too shallowly, and nothing is going to turn out the way I want it to. That’s just how life works.” Joon’s smile turns melancholy, before he stands up and bows deeply to his instructor.

“Thank you for looking after me all this time, instructor-nim. I won’t forget the lessons you gave me.”

His instructor can only stares at him silently, before her expression softens “There’s nothing I can say to change your mind now, can I?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve already decided to quit.” Joon stands up straight again.

“Fine, then go do what you need to do. You’re really irritating, you know that?” Rolling her eyes, his instructor shoos him away, to which he complies. Just as he reaches the door, however…

“…Wait” His instructor calls out to him before he leaves the rooftop. “Yes, instructor-nim?”

“At least tell me your real name, damn brat” Joon chuckles lightly at the tone of her voice.

“It’s Min-Joon, Park Min-Joon.”

Seeing that his instructor is going to say anything, Joon says nothing besides bowing to her for one last time before leaving.

“Min-Joon huh, you were good kid… Real good.”

Afterwards, Joon has…quite a tubulous morning, with him rejecting the debut and leaving the company. However, somehow, things managed to smooth it out somewhat, with Joon leaving his dorm with his backpack and suitcase.

With a deep breath, Joon takes in the fresh air, and for the first time in months, he feels free and unburdened. No longer was he MJ, the perfect trainee. Now, he is simply Park Min-Joon. He may not be as perfect as ‘MJ’ is, but strangely, he’s fine with that.

“First time I talk to auntie for a while, and I asked her for a large sum of money….” Joon thinks back to his aunt, who graciously helps him with the contract cancellation. “Hopefully, I can survive her rage.” Joon chuckles to himself, humming as he makes his way back home.

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June 5th, 2022

“Kkum-eun anilgeoya meolis-sog-eun bogjabhae,

 neon naleul aljanh-a Oh yeah”

It’s been 5 years since Joon left the trainee/idol dream behind. It took him a while to regain his bearings, but somehow, he managed to do it.

Given, it was rough for the first year. Besides Joon himself trying to at least finish high school, he had to manage his old relationships once again. His teachers and his few friends, who were disappointed that he left. (except for Daewon, as somehow, that guy has already forgiven Joon.)

And then, there was his aunt, who, despite everything he did to her, still managed to accept him back again. Safe to say, both Joon and his aunt cried their hearts out that day.

They spent the next few days catching up with each other again. And Joon cursed himself for neglecting his aunt, for taking her for granted. So, he decided to help her in her work, managing the library in the town, and learning the works so that he could one day replace her to be the librarian of this place, just like how his family did it for many years.

And so, years have passed since then, and Joon is currently managing the library alone, to let his aunt rest. She absolutely deserved it, after the past hectic week of people coming to borrow books and studying due to it being exam periods.

That was last week though, for this week, the library is…unexpectedly quiet, so much so that Joon can play music on his phone, and no one will complain, because there is no one here besides him.

“Nae ma-eum deulkilgeosgat-ae yeah yeah,

 neon tto nal deul-eossda nwassdahae”

Currently, his phone is playing ‘Not Friends’, with him being too engross in the music, failing to notice someone coming in…

“Ne nunbich-e simjang-i meomchwo,

 Not tryna talk Just tryna kiss ya”

Besides Jinsol’s heavenly voice, a sudden familiar voice chimes into the song, although the voice is so out of tune that it snaps Joon back to reality.

“Fucking hell?” Joon turns around to see Daewon, his best friend, standing at the counter smirking at him. “When did you get here?”

“Just now, I see that you’ve really taken a liking to Loona, eh?” Dae wastes no time teasing Joon. “I don’t know what you mean, I’ve always been interested in them.” “Yeah, yeah, keep talking….”

Despite the bantering, the two friends let out snorts, clearly enjoying each other’s presence.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Joon turns off the music, leaning against the counter.

“Nothing, just feeling like visiting you” Dae winks at Joon, causing the guy to fake gagging at it.

“Tch, this guy. You should be grateful that I still remember your sorry ass and visit you regularly.” Dae huffs at Joon, to which Joon bows at him grandiosely in an act of sarcasm. “Yes, yes, you’re the best, I’m the worst.”

“… I saw Haseul recently” With his next sentence, Dae causes Joon to drop his act immediately. “Is she doing well?” Joon’s voice turned soft, a stark contrast to his attitude to Dae just now.

“Of course, she is….” Dae looks at his friend’s melancholic expression. “Do you want to see her?” he asks, surprising Joon. “Why would I want to see her?”

“Look, I know you guys didn’t get a proper closure back then, and it hurt you guys greatly.”

Dae leans against the counter “You took a year off training your ass of to be an idol, only to drop it before you actually became one, and Haseul. She seemed to have forgotten about you.”

Joon winces slightly at the mention of this. This isn’t the first time they’ve talked about this. Apparently, some trauma, if sufficiently severe, can cause the recipient to lose the memory of that incident as a coping mechanism. It just goes to show how big of a mistake he made back then…

“Are you sure you don’t want to meet her? I can definitely arrange for you to be at the backstage.” Dae offers Joon, hoping that he would see his friends reconcile again.

“I’m sorry Dae, but I don’t think I can.” Joon mutters silently.

“Why?”

“If you truly love something, you got to let it go” Joon smiles lightly to Dae, a smile that Dae knows is fake.

Well, it’s not like Dae hasn’t anticipated this situation though, that’s why he has a plan B.

“Fine, but as compensation for this, you are helping me with a show I’m working on right now.” Dae immediately switches topic, to which Joon happily obliges “Sure.”

Unbeknownst to Joon, however, his action that day would serve to be the catalyst for him and Haseul’s reunion days later…

[fictitiousfoodie]

A Few Weeks pt 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 

Word Count: 1955

Summary: Stuck in a house with Stan, Evans and Hiddleston.

I think I have probably 4 more chapters.

Tags and requests open!

Y/N woke up to the sun just barely shinning. She was wrapped up in Sebastian himself. She was lying on her side. Sebastian's leg was thrown over both of her thighs and his arms tangled with hers while being pulled up tight to his chest. She found her phone on the bed next to her and checked the time. It was 5am. She tried to wiggle free, but Sebastian's arm just tightened. She laughed and said, "It's time for yoga. Come on, sleepy." A groan and sigh left his throat. He popped open an eye and stated, "Princess, first of all, the reason I kept doing yoga is laying next to me in bed. Second, I think we can sleep in and count last night as our yoga session, or if you really want, we can have another session later today.", he ended the comment with a smirk and a laugh to himself. Y/N sighed and felt too comfortable and warm to continue to push, so she snuggled in and fell right back to sleep.

Once she did wake up again, it was around 10am. She threw on Sebastian's shirt, not caring what it said about her and their evening activities or the fact that she didn't put on pants. She walked downstairs, hoping the kitchen would be empty as it was closer to lunch now than breakfast. She turned the corner and was greeted by two shit-eating grins from Tom and Chris. She immediately blushed under their gaze of knowing eyes. They had coffee cups and plates of crumbs in front of them. Finally, Y/N whispered, "Good morning," trying to hide a smile but unable to keep it at bay as she passed them and started pouring herself a cup.

"Good morning, sunflower - how did you sleep? You sounded..." Tom paused, trying to think of a word, but Chris was right to finish the sentence.

"You sounded active." Chris finished with a wink.

"I slept very well, thank you," Y/N replied back, trying to not saying anything incriminating. Then Sebastian came down the stairs. He was shirtless and had quite the pep in his step.

"Morning, boys! Hope we didn't keep you up last night." Sebastian said....calmly while getting coffee.

"You did..."Tom said, not upset at all, but Y/N was rushing to apologize before he could finish.

"I am so sorry. We didn't mean to. Oh my god, I just...I am so so sorry, you guys.", she blurted. Tom walked over to her. Y/N was looking down at her coffee cup, unable to look any of them in the eye just yet. Tom pulled her chin up so her eyes would meet his and said, "Don't be sunflower. Those were some of the prettiest sounds I have ever heard, and I can't wait for you to make them for me." Tom licked his lips and moved in slowly with one thing on his mind. He connected his lips to hers in a searing hot kiss. It was a quick, chaste kiss. It was slow and needy. Tom slid his hand around her waist, making her stand, pushing the other hand into her hair. Her arms, seemingly on their own, moved and wrapped around his shoulders. She moaned quietly into his mouth, and he released her. Taking that as his prize and walking out of the kitchen. Y/N was left standing there out of breath and dazed. She had just kissed him in front of the other two men. She didn't dare look either in the eye. She simply grabbed her coffee and walked right back upstairs.

The rest of the day had been uneventful. Mainly cause Y/N had stayed in her room most of it. She was scared or hiding by any means. She just needed the alone time needed to process and think and be by herself.

The following day things felt slightly back to normal. The sun was shining, and she was waking up in her own bed. She got dressed and headed outside for yoga. Sebastian wasn't too far behind, walking out just a few moments later. They did the whole routine and walked inside for breakfast like always. Y/N wanted a taste of home, so she made her grandma's biscuits and gravy recipe. Both were halfway done when Chris and Tom came down. Y/N had put on music and was half-ass-idly dancing around the kitchen. Tom and Sebastian were outside enjoying the weather. Still, Chris was watching her move around the kitchen like he was watching a precision painter.

The timer dinged, and breakfast was ready. They ate at the table, enjoying the comfortable feeling and conversation. Sebastian and Tom ran off quickly, realizing they had some press to do over Zoom. They would be in the back corner room turned to the makeshift corporate office to look professional and put together. Y/N got up and started clearing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen. She was humming to herself and swaying her hip slightly. She had gotten lost in her own world, and Chris wanted to be right there with her. She was still in her yoga pants and sports bra. she had pulled her hair down, though, messy curls from a day before and no makeup. Chris had worked out this morning, so he was still in his grey sweats that hung low on his hips and an old tee. He wanted to touch her to kiss her to make her repeat those sounds he had heard. Then he got an idea. He waited a few more minutes, making sure to listen to the door of the room Tom and Sebastian would be in close, then he made his move. He found the playlist he wanted and pressed play, keeping it just loud enough to hear if you were next to it. He walked up and set the phone down on the counter next to Y/N. She was rinsing dishes in the sink. Chris grabbed her hips and pulled Y/N close, then started swaying. The whole playlist was songs that were sultry and seductive. Y/N started swaying to the music on her own, and Chris's hand flexed. One stayed on her hip. The other moved upward to move her hair off of her neck. He supported the other side of her neck and kissed right below her ear. Y/N inhaled at the sensation, and goosebumps broke out over her skin. She was practically grinding against Chris now and could feel his cock harden against her. She was growing wet and wanted friction. Chris was in awe. She was fantastic, swaying in front of him, grinding against him, throwing her head back, letting her body move to the music. He wanted her so badly. He was going to turn her around, but she beat him to it- immediately connecting her lips to his. The kiss was messy, hot, and full of lust. Tounges were chasing after each other wanting more. Y/N moved her hands up under Chris's shirt, starting to take it off of him. He got the hint and pulled it off. Y/N moved on to the next article of clothing, his sweats. She shoved her hand inside and palmed him over his underwear. He was long and rock hard. Chris cursed under his breath at her touch, hissing, "Darling, you are phenomenal." Y/N smiled mischievously and pulled his pants and boxers down. Letting his cock spring free. There was a bead of precum dripping down him, and Y/N was dying to taste it. She sank to her knees and sucked him in. He braced against the counter with one hand, the other going into Y/N hair and pulling it slightly. She going further and further each time, gagging but eagerly taking more. Chris was cursing and under his breath. When he suddenly pulled her away from him.

"Stop, darling. You have to stop, or I'm gonna cum.", he said out of breath.

Y/N playfully pouted and retorted, "I thought that was the goal." Chris smiled with a huff, "It is, but I want to be inside you." That sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine. He saw the shiver and said, "Now come here. It's my turn." He caressed her cheek and pulled her to him and into a deep kiss. He palmed both of her breasts. Her nipples were barely poking through the thick sports bra. He pulled it off of her, only breaking the kiss to do so. Then without any warning or help on her part, Chris lifted Y/N up on the kitchen counter. And started pulling off her yoga pants. He threw them across the kitchen and starred at Y/N. She was the most erotic thing he had ever seen completely naked except for panties sitting on the counter dripping wet for him. His cock twitched at sight. He wanted so badly to be in Y/N but wanted to taste her first. He peppered her neck and collar bone with kisses. His hands roaming up and down her sides, never touching her where she wanted it most. He moved his mouth over one nipple and started sucking and nipping. Y/N threw her head back and adjusted on the counter, trying to get closer to get friction, but nothing was there. After he had spent time with that side, he moved over the other and sucked on her until each nipple was swollen and red. He pushed her to lay all the way back and kissed down her stomach to her hips then to her inner thighs. He breathed on her core, and her hips twitched while she begged, " Please, please, I need you. I need something, please, Chris." He ran a finger up her fold and was immediately coated in her juices. She begged again this time. Chris responded with, "Oh darling, I love the sound of you begging. Is this what you want?" and thrust a finger inside her. She cried out in pleasure, and Chris started pumping a finger in and out of her. After a moment, he could feel her clench around him needing more. So he gave it to her. He latched on to her clit with his mouth, and Y/N lost all thought. All she cared about was Chris's mouth sucking and licking at her clit while his finger fucked her tight pussy. She could feel the knot in her stomach tighten, and before she knew it, she flew over the wall and came hard. "That's it, darling, let me taste all of you.", Chris cooed to her. He was throbbing hard and was ready to feel her around him. He pulled her up and kissed her long and deep. "Brace yourself against the counter, darling.", Chris whispered in her ear. She did so and was immediately pulled to the edge of the counter. "Ready?" he asked. But before she could answer, he slammed inside of her. She saw stars with how deep in her he was. She was positive he had gone deeper than anyone had ever gone. She could feel the knot against, and Chris knew it cause he could feel her squeezing him. Begging his cock to release its load into her. He wasn't going to last much longer. She came and let out a string of moans, and he continued to fuck her through her climax. The sounds of them mixed with her moans were the last straw Chris came, exploding cum inside her. They just stood there for a moment, Chris taking her weight as she wrapped her arms around him. "We should clean up." Y/N finally breathed, still slightly out of breath. Chris agreed, but instead of putting her down, he kept her there and started to walk upstairs.

@smileygirl08 @lizzleathal @jennamarieee623 @friedhistoryfolkloreweasel @kteelou @vivien-1211 @country-cowgirl-101 @blacksnape123 @freakishlyadorable @demonicax666 @allo-frouto @sherala007 @teatimewithhiddles @kooky4crystals @albinotigerpython @loucometti @funnyusername15 @kulteule @missryerye @izz2313 @kikisparadise18 @spn-obession @kaitlynisinfinite @icant-hangout-imdrumming @avengerstanforlife @dazedkrosupreme @snoot-n-bootn @brittbax @writers-fun-n @marianas-studyblr @cumberlocked4everr @marshxx @memenerdlover @patdsinner33 @reddesert-healourblues @crossfitjesusinblackskinnyjeans @scottlangsorangeslices @yobroitsjayden @knewsbyk @buckyfan12 @thighhighsanti @namjoonies-moonchild @daughterofautumn @zareen165 @qweenofgods

[sundaysundaes]

Monochrome

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU

CHAPTER 1 OF 2. Part 2, titled Spectra, can be read here.

Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

It was the color of amaranth red, Donghyuck remembers now, though he was still too young back then to know the name. It was the color of amaranth red that painted her cheeks and the tip of her nose as they were kissed by the morning breeze. It was the color of amaranth red that tinted her shoes, her knitted sweater dress, the two ribbons she wore on her hair. And it was the color of amaranth red that burst onto his cheeks, as his eyes widened in both glee, curiosity, and sheer excitement. He was four years old and she was five, but the way she spoke so courteously as she introduced herself upon their first meeting was something little Donghyuck could only imagine doing.

But it didn’t matter, Donghyuck was too distracted anyway. If he was older maybe he would’ve been left dumbfounded at the sight of her breathtaking smile, or the perfect curves of her lips, or the vibrant eyes she had hidden behind her symmetrical bangs. But he was merely a four-year-old, so he was more distracted with a jar full of chocolate cookies she carried in her arms.

“We’re the family that’s just moved in next door.” The older lady, who looked like the exact doppelgänger of the little girl, mentioned with a polite smile and a formal bow. “I hope we can become friends.”

Donghyuck’s mother cheered and took her hand in a friendly handshake before she beckoned the little girl to come closer. “Oh my, look at how adorable you are! You’re about the same age as my son. I hope you two can get along.”

Donghyuck, who had been hiding behind his mother’s legs, took a step forward. He was only interested in the jar full of cookies that she carried in her arms, licking his lips once as his eyes bore into it. But when the little girl offered the jar, grinning widely from ear-to-ear, and chirped, “Brought you some cookies! I helped my mother with these so I bet they’ll taste great!”, Donghyuck decided that he liked her more.

It was the color of azure, the crayon she held between her fingers back then, as she tried to imitate the look of his clothes on a stick figure. She was quite a painter, four-year-old Donghyuck thought, because there was no way for him to know how to draw mountains and the sun lurking behind them with that little head of his.

“Okay, so this is you,” she told him, smiling to herself as she finished perfecting her sketches of him. “And this is me. And this is our pet dog, Jelly Bean.”

“But we don’t have a dog.”

“We can have one in the future.”

“We can?”

“Of course. When we grow up, we can have whatever we want.”

Donghyuck believed her. He believed everything she said because she believed everything he said, even about the monsters living under his bed that his parents completely ignored. During their sleepovers, which occurred nearly three times a week in his room, she would always stand by as a guard, saying, “I’ll keep watch. If it appears, I will destroy it with my sword. Nothing can hurt you when I’m around.” And he would feel content, knowing she was there to protect him, even when in the end she fell asleep way before he did with her toy sword hanging loosely around her fingers.

Donghyuck would sleep next to her, curling up like a baby that he was, seeking her warmth. Their little feet would dangle out of his teepee tent and he would breathe in the scent of his grapefruit shampoo from her hair. And secretly, under his breath, as he tangled his pinky finger around hers, Donghyuck would say, “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“Why do you always draw the sun?” Donghyuck questioned one day with his round, chocolate brown eyes scanning the giant yellow circle that she drew repeatedly with her crayon.

“Because I love the sun,” she answered, searching for another yellow crayon so she could paint it even more. “It’s bright and it’s warm, and I can play outside when it’s out. Don’t you feel happier when it’s sunny outside?”

Donghyuck thought about it, he really did with the very little experience that he had. “Probably. I can play soccer when it’s sunny.”

“See? The sun is amazing. Nothing can beat the sun. Do you know that the sun is the biggest star in our solar system?”

If he was smarter, he would've told her that of course, it's the biggest star, you idiot, it's the only star in our solar system. But little Donghyuck, who could barely remember what came after the letter S, innocently asked, “What’s a solar system?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “I forgot that you’re only four.”

“Hey, you’re only five!”

“But I know what a solar system is and you don’t.”

Donghyuck pouted. If only he was older, perhaps he could reciprocate with a better argument. But then again, she was quite smart—the smartest girl he had ever met. Well, in his whole four years of living anyway.

“You’re kinda like the sun, actually,” she suggested, gathering his attention back to her. “You have a bright smile and whenever you smile, you make me want to smile too. You’re like the sun because you always make me happy. Oh!” She suddenly jabbed one finger into the air, making him jump on his little feet. “I know! You should be called Haechan, as in Full Sun! And I’ll be calling you Haechannie because we’re friends.”

And Donghyuck smiled the way he always smiled, which made her point a finger to his face, shouting, “Yes, that’s it! That’s the smile! That’s my Haechannie!” And he liked the sound of it. He liked the way she called him Haechannie but not as much as he liked being called hers.

Because he’s always been hers, from the beginning of time till the end. It’s always been her who owns his heart, who paints a spectrum of colors to his monochromatic life, and who breaks his soul to pieces and tones everything down into black and white.

It’s always been her. No one else owns him but her.

***

It was apple green, the color of the duster his mother was wearing when she had her eyes glued to the TV screen, watching another episode of her most awaited romance series. It was way past their bedtime so Donghyuck performed his best ninja skill which was tiptoeing his way out of his room with his bunny socks enveloping his feet and his deer plush toy accompanying him in his arms.

He was five and she was six, but she had learned how to forgive when he could barely remember to send an apology after making a mistake.

“You stay here and be on guard, okay, Haechannie?” She whispered before she tiptoed her way to the kitchen, leaving him alone in the hallway.

He grabbed the sleeve of her rosy pink pajamas. “But what if my mom finds out?”

“She won’t find out. She’s busy watching TV.”

“What if she walks into the kitchen?”

“Then that’s the time you should give me a signal, Haechannieeeee. Will you ever listen to me?”

“I don’t wanna stay alone. Mom can be scary sometimes.”

“Ugh, fine, take my hand. We’ll get in together. You can help me hold my chair when I reach up to steal those cookies.”

“Can we just go back to bed? I don’t need any cookies.”

“No, no. When you have nightmares, you have to eat cookies.”

“But will you still sleep beside me?”

A delicate hand ruffled his raven hair until it got all tousled and adorable. “Of course, Haechannie.”

The moonlight did not shine as bright as the girl’s cherished smile. But it was okay, he thought, she could replace the moon with her lips. She could replenish the stars with her eyes. They did not sparkle nearly as beautiful as they were anyway.

On their way back to their room, Donghyuck heard two sentences being exchanged by the lovers inside the screen so he stopped and listened, carving every word into his memories. When he arrived back in his room, he ran toward her, circled his short little arms around her waist, and muttered the exact same words.

“There’s no life without you, Noona.”

And she didn’t question him anything, wasn’t surprised of him, wasn’t disgusted with it. She simply smiled back, turning around to embrace him properly, and whispered.

“There’s no life without you too, Haechannie.”

***

It was the color of cherry blossom pink, the petals of flowers that flown into his room, coming from the window that he just slid open. He stood up on his little wooden chair, waving his hands back and forth like a drowning man desperate for attention, as he shouted, “Noona! Wake up! They’re blooming!”

He was six and she was seven, but she had memorized how to count one to ten in three different languages when he could barely count all the planets in the solar system.

When she opened her window, her eyes were all squinted trying their best to adjust themselves to the brightness of the sun—or Donghyuck’s smile, considering it shone just as bright. “I’m still sleepy!”

“But you promised we’d go for a walk!”

“Ugh, fine! I’ll meet you outside my house in an hour. Don’t forget to wear your jacket, Haechannie, because I’m not lending mine again!”

He nodded, smiling all the way. But by an hour later, he had forgotten yet again to carry his coat with him because he was too busy remembering the look on her face whenever she called his name, and too excited to have her hold his hands during their little trip outside.

And it was fine, really, because she already brought two jackets with her, knowing him like the back of her hand.

***

It was the color of crimson, the droplets of blood that stained his shirt. He could barely breathe through his broken nose, and the pain stung so much that his eyes began to water. But knowing that she was there, sitting beside him on the side of the pavements with worried eyes observing his expression, he had no other choice but to rub his tears away before she could catch the sight of them falling to his cheeks.

He was twelve and she was thirteen, but she already had her own preferences of clothing, knowing exactly what kind of dress could accentuate her beauty, while he, on the other hand, was still pretty much wearing the exact same type of clothes like what his mother bought him two years ago.

“Are you okay?” Her eyes examined his face as she dabbed an ice-cold napkin to his bruised jaw. Donghyuck swatted her hand away, stealing the piece of cloth from her fingers so he could do it himself.

“I’m fine. I’m not a baby,” he muttered and he knew how harsh the tone he was using but he did not apologize for it. She most likely had forgiven him anyway.

“What happened exactly?” She was still tentatively reaching out to him, tidying the tousled strands of his brown hair. “Why did you get into a fight?”

“Who said I was in a fight?” He was. He absolutely was. It was against a boy with the stupidest haircut he’d ever seen on a male, in his classroom after he caught him stealing her sketchbook. Donghyuck saw him raking his pen back and forth on her drawings, grinning mischievously to himself as he did it. He didn’t stop to ask for an explanation. The second he saw her beautiful drawings get tainted by something that wasn’t made from her hands, he began to launch his fist, directly to the boy’s poor face. Donghyuck had always been more temperamental, so he fought more with his rage than his strength, which usually ended up with him getting a fair share of beating as well.

“Here.” He handed her sketchbook back and saw her widening her eyes in surprise. “That’s right, stupid. You forgot your stupid book. I was on my way back to the class to get it when I tripped down the stairs.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize I even took this out of my bag.” She blinked, checking her book and stopping after she flipped a few pages. Donghyuck froze on his seat. He’d already predicted that she would find out sooner or later that one of her pages—the one that was ruined by that asshole—was missing; he just hoped she wouldn’t notice right away. But maybe she also noticed the anxious look on his face when she went through the pages, which was why she decided to close the book, and do nothing but smile that stupidly blazing smile of hers.

“What?” He asked, already feeling quite flustered even when she hadn’t said anything yet.

“I’m just happy,” she replied, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for, uhh, for getting this back for me.”

And he looked up to the sky, not caring if the sunlight was burning every inch of his skin and blinding his eyes, as long as she didn’t notice the rosy blush that painted his cheeks.

***

It was the color of lemon meringue, the chunk of tart that Donghyuck shoved into his mouth. They were celebrating his fourteenth birthday and he had a bunch of friends coming over. And yet, there he was sitting on the bench in his backyard, next to a girl dressed adorably in a yellow lace party dress, who was scowling at him.

“What?” Donghyuck muttered, yet plopping another big chunk of the tart. “Why do you look like you want to murder me? Is it that time of the month already?”

“No, jackass.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s my tart.”

“Sure, but,” he pierced the cake with his fork, taking another piece into his mouth with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “It’s my birthday cake.”

She sighed—a habit that she did a lot whenever she was with him. “Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be opening the presents right now? I think your friends are looking for you.”

“Nah, I’d rather talk to you.” He shrugged, pushing the empty plate back now to its owner. “Besides, you look like you’re seconds away from crying. I figured I can be a jerk to you another day and play the role of your prince charming for the rest of the evening.”

“You literally just ate every bit of my tart.”

“You’re welcome.” He sent her a flying kiss and a wink.

They both leaned backward, resting their spines against the bench, staring blankly at the cloudy sky with their fingers lying idly just a few inches from each other.

“Have you heard about that thing with our soulmates?” Donghyuck suddenly asked, his tongue still tracing every little bit of the sugary taste left inside his mouth. “About how we’ll begin to constantly dream about them after we turn eighteen, even if we’ve never met them before.”

“I thought that was just a rumor?”

“I thought so too, but then my parents told me that the exact same thing happened to them.”

“They met each other in their dreams?”

“No, it’s like—” Donghyuck scratched the back of his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t know for sure, but it’s like your dreams are a mixture of your soulmate’s past and present memories. My mother said that she lived through his memories every night, until one day she met my father by coincidence during the day, and then she saw herself in the dream the following night. That was when she realized that he was her soulmate.”

“This is giving me headaches, but I kinda get the idea.”

“So whose memories do you think you’re going to see in your dream?” Donghyuck wiggled his eyebrows. “Mine?”

She snorted. “You wish your soulmate was me.”

“Actually, I do,” he stated, making her froze for a split second before she looked at him in bewilderment. “No, wait, don’t get me wrong,” he immediately corrected, raising a hand in the air. “It’s not like I’m into you or anything, ‘cause that’s, like, so gross since we’re basically like siblings by now, but if it really is true—this soulmate thingy—I wouldn’t mind if it turns out to be you because we get along really well, don’t we? Being soulmates doesn’t necessarily mean we have to marry each other—eww, God, no—” He made a show about it, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “It’s more like saying we’re connected. Know each other’s mind—like, we understand each other, you know what I mean? Don’t you feel that way about me?”

She thought about it, and with every second passing by, Donghyuck became more aware of how embarrassing his lines sounded in his ears. “You know what? Forget it. It’s dumb. I don’t know why I said—”

“Well, I guess, if you put it in a non-romantic way, then yeah, sure.” She smiled, a bit awkward and shy but sincere like always. “We can be soulmates. But I will only marry you if we’re the only two people left in the world. And even then, I would still think about it.”

He rolled his eyes but inwardly thanking her for not making this even more awkward than it already was. “Right, but for our friendship’s sake, let’s never talk about this again.”

“Agreed.”

They stood by in silence, hearing a bunch of children laughing in the background as they danced to the blaring music. “So on that note,” he said again, slicing through the awkward tension. “What are you so upset about today?”

She huffed, playing with her fingers. “I don’t know, I feel like everybody’s looking at me weird. I knew I shouldn’t have worn this dress—I know it’s too much—everyone is wearing shirts and jeans and I’m here looking like—”

“—a pretty girl,” he finished, staring nonchalantly at the clouds as he said it. “I don’t know what these guys think, but you’re prettier than any girl in the room today. You’re prettier than me, even, and that’s saying something.”

She bit her lower lip, holding back a laugh. “You just turned fourteen today and suddenly you’re old enough to flirt.”

“I wasn’t flirting.”

She smiled sheepishly. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

He looked to his side, a lopsided smile on his face. “Feel better now?”

“A little.”

“Good. Now go fetch me another plate of that thing I just ate ‘cause I’m still hungry.”

***

It was the color of ruby, the lipstick she wore on her lips for the very first time, which made Donghyuck knit his eyebrows together, both in confusion and bewilderment.

He was fifteen and she was sixteen, but she already read a bunch of novels about first kisses and sappy love stories when he barely even owned a novel.

“Are you wearing make-up?” he uttered with a frown, scrunching his nose. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, his black Michael Jackson shirt falling a bit loose around his shoulders with the bottom edge of his light-blue jeans folded.

“Yes, and before you judge me for it,” she began, but Donghyuck was already sticking his tongue out at her, making the most disgusted look on his face. “You’re an ass, do you know that?”

“You look like a clown, honestly.”

“Well, this clown is going on a date.” She looked proud, which made him furrow his eyebrows even deeper. “And if she’s lucky, she’s going to get her first kiss by the end of the evening, while you, on the other hand, are just going to sit there in your room watching The Kissing Booth for God knows how many times and pretend like you’re handsome enough to date the female protagonist.”

“I am handsome enough to date the female protagonist. Handsome enough to date the male protagonist even.”

“Yeah, in your dreams. You’re just a virgin with a stupid bowl cut in reality.”

“Whatever. You still look like a clown.”

“Whatever. Now turn around, I need to change my clothes.”

“To your clown costume?”

“Turn around!”

Donghyuck had little options in his hand, when she brought her high heels in the air, ready to hurl them to his face, so he exhaled loudly in annoyance and lied down on her bed, turning his body around so he was facing the wall.

“Who’s this idiot you’re going with?” He eventually asked, because the rustling sounds of her clothes hitting the floor were getting too distracting.

“Na Jaemin. You know, that extremely cute boy from P.E Class.”

He knew who exactly Jaemin was. Heard his name being spoken several times as he walked down his school’s corridor. Girls were obsessed with him, and they would scream as if the world was ending whenever he played a game on the basketball court. They might be thinking why is someone as perfect as Jaemin interested in someone like her? And he hated the fact that he was thinking the same thing, just the other way around.

Why is someone as perfect as her interested in someone like him?

But on the outside, he toned it down to a simple grimace. “What the hell is a Na Jaemin?”

She threw her heel at him, hitting his spine and making him groan. “Hey, that hurts, you bi—” But his words died on his tongue when he saw her standing in front of her mirror in nothing but her matching underwear, with her dress threatening to fall from her arms.

“Hey!” She shrieked, squatting down to the floor and trying her best to gather as much clothing to her body to stop herself from being so exposed to his eyes. “I didn’t say you could turn around!”

And Donghyuck would’ve played it cool, he really would have, if he wasn’t too aware of the heat rising to his cheeks. “I, uhh—” He turned around again, clearing his throat. “Well, it’s your fault for throwing your shoe at me! I turned around in reflex.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying! From now on, you wait outside!”

“Fine!” He scrambled to his feet, making sure that he didn’t spare any glance at her—no matter how badly he wanted to—as he made his way out. “You have small boobs anyway.”

She screamed his name in both shame and anger but he was walking out with a cheeky grin on his face. He waited outside her room with his hands buried deep in the pocket of his jeans, yawning as he pressed the back of his head against the wall. A moment later, she opened the door with her face down, trying to tuck her bra strap under the collar of her dress. When he called her name, she nearly jumped out of her skin. “Damn it, Haechannie, I thought you’ve left!”

“I wanted to see your clown costume.”

“Why you little—” But this time, it was her turn to be lost at words because Donghyuck was staring at her in the way he never stared at her before. His eyes were gleaming as they took in her features—her lace cocktail dress that matched the color of her lipstick, her red ankle strap heels, her natural make-up that gave prominence to her eyes, and the way all of her clothing just fell perfect on her skin, embracing her every curve.

“W-what is it?” She asked, carding her fingers nervously through her hair—her soft, beautiful hair that always made him a little bit weak whenever she tucked a loose strand behind her ear. “Do I look weird?”

He forced himself to close his gaping mouth and act nonchalant again. After nine years of training, he was beginning to master his act. “Well,” Donghyuck said, shrugging, “It’s not exactly like the clown costume I remembered it to be, but it’s okay, I guess. So now tell me where is this Halloween party you’re attending because I’m going too.”

“I can no longer tell whether you’re joking or not, honestly.” She waved him off, tightening the straps of her heels. “Look, it’s my first date with a really cute boy who I really like. Can’t you at least wish me luck?”

Donghyuck didn’t answer right away. His heart was still conflicted about the whole thing and his head was still swirling over the thoughts of how pretty she looked. “I can’t believe you’re blowing me off for something as lame as Na Jaemin.”

“Someone as lame as—wait, he’s not lame!”

“But does he know you the way I do, though? Like, does he know how loud your snores are? I know that, and I accept that.”

“Haechannie, we literally spend every weekend together for the last nine years. I’m just taking one night off.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still blowing me off.”

“Look, if it wasn’t a date, I would’ve asked you to come but since this is a date,” she stopped to smile, tapping her fingers against his cheek, “You be a good boy and wait for me at home, okay?”

As she walked out of her house, with him trailing behind her with heavy steps, Donghyuck said, “I hope his breath smells like shit when you kiss him later tonight!”

She laughed it off, raising her middle finger playfully at him, probably thinking he was upset because they didn’t spend the weekend together when he was entirely livid about something else.

He wasn’t sure how he felt towards her, but he was pretty certain that he didn’t like the fact she went out with some boy who probably wasn’t aware of her full name—or the way she would bite on her bottom lip from being too deep in concentration whenever she sketched something down, or the way she would puff out her cheeks in the most adorable way when she got teased too much. That fucking Na Jaemin wouldn’t understand her the way Donghyuck did.

So for the first time in his life, Donghyuck prayed something bad happened that night so her date would get canceled and she’d come running back into his arms, snuggling close with a popcorn bowl on their laps as they watched the same movie for the hundredth time.

Unfortunately for him, his prayer was not answered.

***

It was sapphire blue, the color of his hoodie was when he swung by to her house again, casually letting himself inside without even greeting her parents because he did it so many times within a day. It started to feel more like his house compared to hers.

“Oh,” she sneered, a smile appearing on her face. “You again.”

“What’s with the under-appreciating tone?” He clicked his tongue. “Most girls would actually scream in joy when I graced them with my presence.”

“Scream in horror, more likely.”

He ignored her banter, taking a seat on her bed again. She was lying down on her duvet, stomach pressed against the fabric with a fashion magazine under her fingers. “So,” he began, casually laying his head down on the dip of her spine, staring at the ceiling and secretly loving the feeling of knowing directly every time she took and released her breath. “Did he smell like shit when you kissed him?”

She flipped through a page. “As a matter of fact, we haven’t kissed. But that’s none of your business anyway.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help a smile creeping up his face. It was his luck that she didn’t notice. “Oh, but it is my business,” he said, trying not to sound as gleeful as he felt inside. “I really want to know whether he smells like shit or a dog's piss so I can make fun of him every time I see you.”

“Well, from the close proximity I had with him during our conversations inside the cinema, he smelled deliciously wonderful.”

“Deliciously? So he smelled like tacos?”

“Smelled way better than you, at least.”

“You’ve never kissed me so you wouldn’t know.”

“I already can tell without having to kiss you, asshole. You reek from a hundred feet away.”

“But just to be sure, wanna make-out with me for a while? I won’t bite.” Then he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Unless that’s what you’re into.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“AUNTIEEEEEEE, SHE’S SAYING THE F WORD!”

“SHUT UP!”

***

It was Navajo white, the color of her knitted scarf was, as it hanged loosely around her neck, matching the color of her duffle coat.

“Oh,” Donghyuck flatly said as he opened the door to his room, answering her persistent knocks. “You again.”

“Haechannie.” The way she said his name sounded like she was desperate for help, and that made his heart flutter a little bit at the thought of being needed. But the words that followed soon after, crushed every bit of his happiness within an instant. “Jaemin asked me to be his girlfriend.”

He could feel how tightly his fingers were sinking into his palms but he tried to keep his voice steady. “And you’re confused because you just found out he’s a girl?”

“What should I do?” She whined, completely ignoring his sarcastic reaction. She seemed anxious, jumping a little on her feet every now and then, which was so adorable for his eyes to take but whenever he remembered the reason why she was acting that cute, he could feel his jaws tightening again.

“Do whatever you want, it’s not my business,” he muttered, walking back to his room but leaving the door open for her to follow.

“I like him, Haechannie,” she continued, and with every word that came from her mouth, a javelin seemed to strike him even harder in the chest. “I really do, but am I ready to have a relationship? Like what do I do? I know I joke a lot about having my first kiss but now that we’re about to become official, and knowing that he’s most likely going to kiss me soon, I get so nervous.”

Donghyuck didn’t say a word. He had nothing nice to say, so he kept himself in silence.

“W-what would you do if you were me?” She sputtered. “I mean, if a girl you like asked you to be her boyfriend?”

Donghyuck had his hands hidden in the pockets of his hoodie, so she wouldn’t be able to tell when his fingers curled into balls of fists. He had the back of his hips pressed against his desk, locating his eyes on his shoes instead of hers. “This girl I like is actually talking about being someone else’s girlfriend,” he professed, “So I’m not sure I can give you proper advice.”

“Stop messing with me, Haechannie, I’m seriously begging for your help here.”

It was goddamn annoying, he thought, how she could be so dense when it came to things like this. Well, to be fair, he did have his fair share of flirting with her from time to time whether he meant his words or not, and knowing how playful he was, it’s a given that she grew to become accustomed to his teasing personality. It was nearly impossible for him to be taken seriously nowadays.

“Why are you even asking me?” He spat out, now looking at her eyes—almost glowering. “I’m not your boyfriend.”

“I don’t know, I really need someone to talk to, I guess.” She played with her hair, biting her lower lip worriedly. “And you’re my best friend so I naturally just come to you. You always seem to have the answers to everything.”

There was a pang in his heart when she singlehandedly decided on their relationship status and he knew he shouldn’t have asked for something more but with more days passing by where it was only the two of them walking side-by-side under the first snow, or calling each other’s names the first thing in the morning through their windows, Donghyuck couldn’t help but to hope for something more.

“Well, like I said,” he repeated, voice sounding low and foreign even to his own ears. “Do whatever you want. As long as it makes you happy.”

She took a proper look at his face. “Are you angry or something?”

“No.”

“What, like, did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“Then why—”

“I said nothing’s wrong!” His voice thundered through the thick tension that was hanging between them and he felt his own heart shaking in pain from the tone he just made. They stared at each other’s eyes in what felt like hours before Donghyuck finally covered it with a tired sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m just really tired right now. Didn’t catch any sleep last night from playing too many games.”

It took a good few seconds for her to regain back her composure. “Well, I don’t want to bother you then.” She didn’t sound angry, but she did sound hurt. Donghyuck was still in the middle of sorting out his feelings when she walked out of his room, saying, “I’m sorry for pestering you like this. Goodbye, Haechannie.”

He had never hated someone as much as he hated himself then.

It took him five hours for his mind to finally make up the decision to go into her house and apologize in person, but only a second for him to immediately do it once he’d made up his mind. He ran down the stairs so fast, he almost fell face-first on the carpeted floor. When he stood in front of her house, desperately pushing back air into his lungs, the door was locked and no one came to answer no matter how many times he rang the doorbell.

Muttering a train of expletives under his breath, he turned to his iPhone and found the first number in his emergency contacts. He was about to press dial when suddenly her name popped out on his screen, asking him to answer her call.

“Noona?” Donghyuck called, breathing in relief. “Hey, I was about to call you. I wanted to apologi—”

“Haechannie.” She sounded so happy, almost to the point of shedding tears. “Haechannie, he just kissed me.”

Donghyuck’s lips were parted in shock, his throat felt like burning, even though puffs of air still tumbled down from his mouth. His heart almost stopped beating entirely.

“What do I do, Haechannie, I’m so happy,” she said, laughing between tears. “I’m actually crying right now. I’m so lame, I know, but—God, I can’t believe I got kissed by my crush—no, wait, my boyfriend—oh God, it’s still embarrassing to say that but—”

As if turning deaf, her voice in his ears was reduced into a silent murmur before vanishing entirely. The loud beating of his heart soon replaced it as it pumped more anger and jealousy through his veins but Donghyuck wasn’t going to repeat his previous mistake. He wasn’t going to let his emotions take control again.

“Well,” he breathed out, unfamiliar with the sound of his own voice. “I’m happy for you then.”

“You are? Oh, thank God, because I thought you’d whine about me for not spending time with you anymore.”

“Do you really think that lousy of me?”

“I’m kidding, Haechannie. I love you. You know that, right?”

And it hurt, the way she said it, because it meant nothing more than a platonic love and he wanted it to mean more. Perhaps he had been waiting for those three words to mean more for the last nine years of his life.

“Of course,” he simply said, hoping she wouldn’t hear the crack in his voice. “There’s no life without you, Noona.”

It took her a while to respond, and he was worried whether the cold tone in his voice stood too vividly again, but she laughed before he could think too much.

“It’s been a while since we said that. Of course, yes, there’s no life without you, Haechannie.” She giggled again, “It’s kind of embarrassing to say that when we’re already this old. Maybe we should start looking for another catchphrase. I don’t want Jaemin to catch me saying that to you either—”

“No, don’t—” Since when did speaking to her become this hard? “It’s something that we’ve been doing since we were kids. I’m not gonna change our tradition just because of one asshole that you happen to like.”

A silence, then a chuckle. “Seems like you’re back to your old self again. I was beginning to worry. All right then, let’s keep it that way. I’ll just have to be more careful.” He could tell that she was smiling all the way when she said her sentences.

“When will you be back?” I miss you. “I want to see you.” I want to hold you. “We haven’t really talked these days.”

“Oh, umm…” She sounded so apologetically soft, so quiet, so out of his reach. “Jaemin actually just asked me to go somewhere with him, but I’ll be back soon. Is there something you need?”

He curled his fingers. “Nothing important. It can wait.”

“Great. Oh, Jaemin just called, I gotta—”

“Stop saying his name.”

When a small gasp came from the other line, Donghyuck raised his head, startled by his action. “I mean,” he cleared his throat, his stomach doing somersaults. “It’s just—” He couldn’t think of anything fast enough. “You’re right. I’m sorry for taking your time.”

“Oh, no, it’s…” A pause, which struck like a hurricane. “It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, okay?”

“Sure.” But he didn’t hold her on her promise, because she now belonged to someone else.

He just had to get used to being alone.

***

It was the color of eerie black, the denim jacket that he wore above his white shirt as he prepared himself for his date. Donghyuck had cut his hair short, ran his fingers through his bangs so they no longer covered his eyes, and sprayed the new bergamot perfume he bought around his neck.

He didn’t notice it at first, but he had become more popular in school for the past few months, after being a vocalist in a band and performing during the school festival. Girls were approaching him, asking from what class he was, wanting to know whether he wanted to hang out with them from time to time and it felt weird, although he had been quite popular back then too, it was more because he was the funny kid—not the hot kid in school.

So eventually he started going on dates, and every time he managed to spend a day with a girl, he’d come home to brag about it to his neighbor, wanting to evoke a reaction but what came out of her was only a small chuckle and a shake of her head, “What are you talking about? You’re just a boy. You know nothing about girls, let alone going on a date with one.” And he would drop the topic, fuming for the rest of the day.

“There.” He straightened his jacket, gazing at his reflection in the standing mirror. “New day, new beginning, Hyuck. You can do this.”

You can forget her and move on.

So he checked on his phone, noticing a new chat just popped up under the name of the stranger he had been seeing for two weeks, and felt his heart beating as steady as usual. Everything felt the same. Even after he’d kissed her for the first time, intertwined his fingers with hers as they walked from one cafe to another, or hearing her laugh over his words even when he didn’t try to be funny—everything felt the same. So… plain. Unexciting. And after two weeks had passed by, meeting this stranger—the girl with the auburn colored hair, crooked teeth, and waist thinner than most—began to feel like a chore.

No, you said you’d do this. You said you’d move on from her.

“Ah, Haechannie!” The way his childhood friend immediately smiled upon his presence, waving a hand back and forth as if they were long lost companions instead of neighbors, almost made him stop in his tracks. “You’re going somewhere? You look so nice!”

His resolution faltered as simple as that. Only by the sound of her voice calling his name, only by her contagious grin creeping to his face, only by simple praise that made his stomach flip most delightfully.

“What do you mean, I look nice? I always look nice.” Donghyuck was proud of himself to be able to conceal his feelings most of the time, and not actually acting like a blushing seventeen-year-old boy with the hugest crush on his childhood friend that he was.

She took her time analyzing him and for the first time in his life, he began to fidget on his feet, swallowing his breath.

“Stop staring at me, you’re making me feel weird.”

“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re this big,” she said, her eyes sparkling in amazement. “Like, I know we’re neighbors but we’ve been busy dealing with our own things these days so I haven’t really taken a closer look at you but man, look how much you’ve grown. You’re way taller than me now.”

“Yeah, if you weren’t too busy playing tonsil hockey with that fucking Na Jaemin all the time, you would’ve noticed.”

“Indeed.” She looked amused, even proud somehow. “But I got to make-out and stuff. What have you done so far, cherry boy?”

He clenched his jaw, jealousy coursing through his veins. He tried to shove the picture of Jaemin running his hands all over her body—her perfect body—to the back of his head and he thought he did a remarkable job at it. But when he smiled, his eyes didn’t follow through.

“None of your business,” he simply said, tucking his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and walked away. “I’m going on a date. See you later.”

“You’re going on a date?!” She shrieked, eyes wide. “With who?”

“A pretty girl.”

She took a hold of his hand, stopping him from walking further. “Is this the girl you’ve been seeing for the last two weeks?”

He didn’t realize she kept count. “Yeah. What about it?”

“Nothing, I was just…” She awkwardly shrugged, her fingers hanging loosely around his arm. “Just curious, that’s all. So, like… Do you like her? What’s her name?”

It was almost possessive the way she asked the questions which on one hand, made him feel happy, hoping that she was jealous about it, but on the other hand, also pissed the hell out of him because if she was indeed jealous—if she ever felt the same way as him, even if only slightly—why did she go to Jaemin’s arms instead of his?

“Her name,” he glanced at her with lifeless eyes, “is Miss None-of-Your-Fucking-Business.”

Her smiled dropped instantly. “What is your problem? I just wanted to know—”

He knew he had the worst temper and patience in the world when it came to her, and he was not always like that before. Ever since the feelings he harbored for her grew bigger and bigger with each day passing by no matter how hard he tried to make himself fall in love with somebody else, he grew even more anxious, even less patient, and he hated the way he’d become.

But he couldn’t help it.

“Want to know what?” He asked, now facing her, circling his long fingers around her wrist and raising it in the air. “What do you want to know, exactly? It’s not just her name, is it? You want to know the things I do with her too? Want to know how I feel for her?”

Her eyes began to shake, frantically trying to understand him. “What—why are you so upset?”

“I’m not, I—” He sighed with a groan coming from the back of his throat, letting her go before he massaged his temple. I’m just so stressed out knowing how clueless you are of both your own feelings and mine. “Look, I gotta go. I’m running late.”

When he walked away, taking just about three steps ahead, she shouted. “Haechannie!”

He turned his head around, just enough to see her smiling softly at him. “This weekend,” she said, “Spend time with me this weekend. Please.”

“Noona, I—”

“I miss you.”

Just like that, she had him wrapped around her fingers again. It’s not fair. You’re not fair. You can’t keep doing this to me. But he smiled back, his gaze growing gentle, almost longing. “Then I’ll see you this weekend.”

He was in a fight he knew he’d lose every time.

***

It was coral pink, the color of the girl’s lip cream but he felt it pressed against his lips before he could see it properly. He felt his collar being tugged as his body was pushed further into her room, hasty hands pushing the jacket off his shoulders.

“You smell so good,” she said, giggling as she brought his bottom lip between her teeth. “And you look so fucking hot in this outfit.” Donghyuck hit the back of his knees against her bed and tumbled down onto her sheets, with his self-proclaimed girlfriend following shortly after.

“Wait—” he said, his eyebrows joining together in the middle from feeling both confused and uncomfortable. “What about your parents—”

“They’re not home,” she said in a rush, climbing onto his lap. “And I want you.” She tangled her lean fingers around his locks, pulling his head back to expose more of his neck. “I’ve been wanting you for so long, Hyuck,” she gasped, her mouth latching on his skin, tasting his bergamot perfume with her tongue. “And we’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

A little more than two weeks had passed since they first went on a date, and he really thought he could like her but whenever he closed his eyes during the kiss, his mind would start acting on its own, morphing her face to someone more familiar. Someone who could pull on his heartstrings and play with them only by the sight of her smile.

It felt wrong. All of this felt wrong. But he said he’d move on, he promised himself he would, and this was one of the ways to do it.

“You seem distracted,” she moaned softly against his ear, pressing her hips against him. “Am I boring you?”

He didn’t say a word and instead forced himself to kiss her better. He held her by the nape, angling her head to the side, and she sighed against his mouth, hooking her fingers around his silver necklace to pull him even closer.

Donghyuck was lost deep in his thoughts, and his heart just wasn’t there, but he didn’t push her away. She spread her legs and tangled them around his waist, pressing herself down until she could feel the zipper of his jeans grazing against her underwear. Donghyuck hissed under his breath, not agreeing with how his body reacted on its own and she grinned against his lips, guiding the hands he reactively laid around her waist to move further down her body.

“Touch me here,” she begged, taking his right hand and slipped it under her shirt, pushing her breast against his palm. Donghyuck let out a heavy breath as he let her tongue slipped past his lips and he closed his eyes again because that was the only way that this could all feel right to him.

Noona…

But no matter how good her touches felt on his skin, guilt was the only sensation he could feel in his heart. The more they kissed, the more he realized that she was not her, and she could never be her. He couldn’t smell the scent of strawberries from her hair. He couldn’t hear the cute giggle she made when his jokes got to her head. And no matter how they seemed physically similar—the look of her hair, the shape of her eyes, the way she dressed—he still couldn’t lie to himself and pretend she was her.

“Wait—” He pushed her gently off his lap by landing both hands on her shoulders. “Let’s stop.”

“Why?” She was upset, he could tell. “What is it?”

You’re not her. “I feel like we’re going too fast.” I don’t want you, I want her. “And what if your parents come home?” I feel sick. I need to get out of here. I need to see her.

“They won’t be home until midnight, I promise.” She had her fingers curled around his nape again. “Please, Hyuck, don’t you want me?”

She didn’t give him the chance to answer, swallowing his protest with her lips, tasting more of his mouth with her tongue. “Mmph—no—wait!” he pushed her away again, firmer this time to the point she almost toppled over. “Look, I’m not in the mood, okay?” His tone was getting harsher, which only led her to feel even more agitated.

“Why the fuck are you even here then?” She spat out, throwing her hands in the air.

Donghyuck shoved her away none too gently this time, stepping down from her bed. “I don’t fucking know,” he growled under his breath, putting his denim jacket back on. “I’m leaving.”

“What are you, gay?!” She was screaming as he stormed off, slamming her bedroom door on his way out.

***

It was the color of sunset that illuminated her face, as she sat on her porch with her knees pressed together to her chest and her spine glued to the wall. Her eyes were blank, almost lifeless as she stared into space, her previous conversation with her beloved childhood friend replaying non-stop in her head.

Does he really like her? Why didn’t he tell me anything about this? How far have they gone? Has he kissed her yet?

The heat was spreading to her cheeks at the thought of Donghyuck leaning in close, his eyes going half-lidded before he closed them entirely, his lips—his beautiful, plump lips—slightly parted in anticipation before he—

She buried her hands in her palms. What is wrong with you?! He’s practically your brother!

It wasn’t like she never thought about him as something more. She just never allowed herself to think about him that way. What they had was special—Donghyuck was special. He was her only true friend, the family that always stood by her side even when her parents didn’t. The one who noticed the simplest things about her without having to be told—like handing her a brand new sketchbook whenever she was about to run out of pages, or the way he would always take a day off school whenever she was sick in bed so he could accompany her the whole day, watching re-runs of her favorite show while munching red velvet cakes the way he knew she liked.

He was the one who could see behind her lies and excuses, and the only one who would come over to her side at any hour just to fulfill her dumb requests—even though he whined the whole time. And she knew she was special to him in some ways as well, because she was the only one who he allowed to see him cry while watching Titanic which to this day, still brought a smile to her face whenever the thought came up.

It was getting pretty distracting when puberty hit him like a truck somewhere in his first year of high school. His shoulders got broader, his jawlines became more prominent, his voice got a tad deeper, and he was getting taller and taller that she had to tilt her head upward to see his face properly during conversations. He was packing more muscles too, from all the soccer activities he did after school, turning his complexion from slightly pale into the perfect color of a sun-kissed tan. While she, on the other hand, only had two pimples appearing on her cheeks and her chest growing slightly bigger.

She adored him. To her, his existence had become such an integral part of her life that whenever she didn’t see him for a day, she would sit on her porch, counting the minutes until he walked past her house, calling her, “Noona,” with that cheeky smile on his face before he told her about his day.

That was before she dated Jaemin, though. Because after that, he became quite distant. It felt weird and slightly out of character for him to give her the cold shoulder whenever she mentioned his name, but she thought perhaps it was just a boy thing. The whole conversation about her drooling over her boyfriend was probably too boring for his ears, and Donghyuck was always straightforward with the things he wasn’t fond of so she shouldn’t have been so surprised.

Maybe he just wanted to give her the time she needed, so she could spend her days with her boyfriend—like what she was supposed to do—but she couldn’t help it that whenever Jaemin called her noona because he was also a year younger than her, the thought of Donghyuck’s teasing eyes and lopsided smiles crossed her mind.

And then the thought of him, holding another girl on his bed, his lips brushing against hers—

Ah, she mentally groaned, attempting to massage her scalp but ended up yanking on the roots of her hair. Lee Donghyuck, what am I supposed to do with these thoughts of you?

“You look like you’re going insane, honestly.”

She’d recognize that voice in a heartbeat even if she had her eyes closed and when she saw him slouching over her fence with a teasing smile painted on his lips, she nearly crumbled to the ground.

“Were you waiting for me, Noona?” He questioned with his eyebrow raised in a teasing manner, causing her to blush even harder.

“Of course not, idiot, why would I?” And the sound of his small chuckle warmed her heart. “You’re coming back pretty early. I thought you were going to spend the night with her.”

“Yeah?” He dragged open the fence, walking closer to her spot. “You were thinking about me spending a night at her place? Doing what, exactly?”

“Shut up.” She threw her sandal at him which he easily dodged before he took a seat beside her. “Did something happen on your date?”

“We had sex.”

She wasn’t sure whether it was because of the way he just casually said the words as if he was talking about the weather, or simply because he said those words at all, but she found herself frozen to her toes, her heart dropping into a bottomless pit, her chest suffocating.

“O-oh…” She gulped, bringing her eyes down to her fingers. “That’s great… I guess.”

“It was great,” he said, leaning back to press his spine against the wall as well. “But her parents came home soon after so I had to bail.”

He was still talking but she could no longer hear him, as if he was drowning in the background, his voice turning into whispers.

There was a feeling she couldn’t understand that kept appearing in her chest, sending fire to her fingertips. It felt like he was crushing her heart little by little with every word he said, choking her until she couldn’t breathe. She never felt like this before. Was it sadness that she felt—knowing that her little Haechannie was not her little Haechannie anymore? Or was it loneliness, knowing that he had someone else in his life—someone who could feel his touches, and made him feel theirs, in the way she could never do?

“Noona.”

She blinked herself awake. “What?”

“You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“I was just…” She desperately sought an answer. “I’m sleepy.”

It was a terrible lie and he could tell, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he offered her his shoulder. “Come here, then.” And she obliged, lying her cold cheek against his warmth and for the first time in her life, she began to be more conscious of everything.

Of his intoxicating scent. Of his slow breathing. Of his velvety voice sounding dangerously close to her ear.

Of his presence, entirely.

“So,” he pressed the side of his head against hers, voice turning gentle and quiet. “You’re not playing tonsil hockey with your stupid boyfriend today?”

“He had something to do, like a group project or something. And it’s fine, I needed some time alone to sort out my—” feelings. “—thoughts anyway.”

Donghyuck snorted. “Thoughts? Like, plural? You with that one brain cell of yours?”

She poked him on the side of his abs, forcing him to laugh in the way he usually did in the past. “All jokes aside though, Noona.” He sighed, staring at the way their hands were lying side by side on the wooden parquet. If only he could just move slightly… “Are you happy with him?” was the question he asked, but he actually wanted to hear the answer to Are you happier with him compared to when you’re with me?

“I think I am,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her words which ironically sparks pain to his every nerve. “I mean, it’s my first time being in a relationship so I barely know anything at this point, but… He does make me feel something in a way that no one has ever made me feel before.”

“What, like, horny?”

“That too, but—” She huffed. “I don’t know, like, he makes me feel wanted. Desired. He makes me feel pretty and I feel like I’m more confident now as a person, knowing that there’s someone out there who wants me that way, you know?”

Donghyuck stared into space, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “But does he need you, though?” Does he need you like I do?

“Is there a difference?”

“Well, wanting you would be like he wants to hold hands with you, kiss you, touch you, be intimate with you or something but you can be replaceable as soon as he’s satisfied with you and starts wanting someone else.”

“I don’t think Jaemin is the kind of person who thinks like that.”

I don’t fucking care about Jaemin. “Yeah, I hope not. I don’t ever want you to have your heart broken.”

There was a silence that hung around them, and it started to make him feel flustered at his own words so he immediately added, “By anyone else but me. The only one who can mess with your head and your stupid heart is me. That’s like the reason for my existence—to make sure your life is a living hell.”

She smiled, taking his hand in hers, and squeezed him softly. “Yeah. You’ve always been my little devil after all.”

The word ‘my’ had a nice ring to his ears, enveloping his heart in a warming sensation, and Donghyuck blushed again, for an entirely different reason but as long as she didn’t notice, he would be fine.

***

It was ash grey, the color of his sweater that she borrowed to be worn as her sleeping attire during their sleepover at his house. It felt strange for two young adults in their primal stage of life to be sharing a room, but Donghyuck was more than pleased to offer her his bed while he slept on the floor, and his parents also didn’t mind, as long as they kept their bedroom door open.

“Final chance to back down, Noona, because I’m not stopping once we go all the way,” Donghyuck warned, suggestively raising his eyebrow, making her gulp nervously.

“I-I’m ready,” she said, nodding her head shakily a few times.

“You sure.”

“Just do it.”

“Well then, here we go.”

And as he clicked play, the movie started. It felt like it had been years since the last time they watched a movie together, sitting side by side on a carpeted floor, with a popcorn bowl on her lap, and a MacBook on his. They shared earphones, forcing them to sit as close as possible to avoid having them slipped out of their ears. Horror movies were her weakness so he always insisted to watch one of them to torture her—and also to see her cute reactions but Donghyuck scratched that off his mind—and somehow, she always ended up agreeing to it.

Donghyuck could watch every jumpscare in the movie without batting an eyelash, but his heart jumped every time whenever she clung on to him, her arms wrapping tightly against his, her head sinking at the crook of his neck, her frantic breath fanning his skin.

“What are you so scared about?” He asked, thanking God that he didn’t stutter. “It’s just a ghost of his dead girlfriend, haunting him for vengeance while singing a creepy tune as she does it.”

“Literally everything you just said!” She sobbed, her fingers clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt, her fingernails nearly scratching his skin.

Donghyuck knew he was blushing and he hated it, and if she kept doing that, who knew what he’d become. “Let’s just stop then.”

“But you want to see this movie, don’t you—AAAH!”

His ears began to ring. “Not with you screaming like this!”

“It’s okay, I can handle this.” She puffed out her chest, taking a deep breath. “But can I hold your hand, just in case?”

It was his turn to take a deep breath. “Sure.”

It was scary, Donghyuck thought, how his mind could pay no attention whatsoever to what was showing on the screen, and instead focusing every nerve in his body on the sight of her fingers resting on top of his, squeezing them tightly whenever she was scared out of her mind.

There was a knot in his stomach, making him feel lightheaded and he tried to push the thought of lifting her fingertips to his lips and kiss them until she could think about nothing but him away from his mind.

By the end of the movie, he knew nothing about the storyline but she was bawling her eyes out. “I can’t believe I’m crying over a ghost’s background story, this is so stupid,” she said, sobbing fervently until her entire shoulders began to shake.

Donghyuck lifted one knee to his chest, laying his arms on top of it before he rested his cheek on them, He gazed at her with a pair of longing eyes, gleaming in adoration. “You’re so cute,” he sighed in a breathy voice.

Still rubbing the tears out of her eyes, she asked, “What?”

“The way you get so worked up over stupid things like this is just—cute. You’re so cute.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop saying those kinds of things to me. You already have a girlfriend. It’s not right to do this to her, even if you’re just joking around.”

Maybe it was because she seemed a bit hurt, her voice sounding strained and plaintive, or maybe it was just her line entirely but whatever it was, it made his skin crawl and he could no longer control what came out of his mouth.

“What if I didn’t have a girlfriend then?” He questioned, eyes deadly serious. “What if I wasn’t just flirting with you? What would you do if I told you I meant everything I said, every praise, every feeling I had for you?”

Her hands froze mid-air as she tried to wipe the rest of her tears away from her eyes. “What are you—”

“What would you do if I told you I loved you?” He leaned closer, brushing his fingertips against her tear-stained cheek. “Would you believe me if I say I’ve been in love with you ever since I met you?”

Silence struck like a hurricane, and there was a storm swirling in her chest. “I…” Her throats felt dry. “I, uhh…”

She looked so conflicted that it began to hurt him even when she didn’t intend to, because Donghyuck wanted her to immediately say, “I would’ve said the same thing,” straight to his face without having to trip on her words. Without her voice sounding so brittle. Without her face looking like she was about to break someone’s heart.

So he simply got up to his feet, forcing a train of laughter to erupt from his mouth. “I’m just messing with you, idiot. Stop looking at me like you got your panties in a twist, I was just kidding.”

And he expected her to be angry. Angry enough that she would shout while throwing things at his face, but instead, she broke down in tears again but smiling so widely in relief.

“I’m so glad,” she said, nearly choking on her tears. “I’m so glad you were just joking.”

He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the pain that fleeted on his eyes, so he turned around, sinking his nails deep into his palm so he could focus on that pain instead of the one in his heart before he gathered his quilt with both arms. “Let’s just go to bed, it’s late.”

“You’re sleeping on the floor again?”

“What do you think?”

“But…” She nibbled on her lower lip. “It’s, umm, I don’t mind if we sleep together—I mean, on the bed, like, side-by-side, not—” She caught herself, shaking her head. “Anyway, it’s big enough for both of us anyway, and also…” She grew quiet, fiddling with her fingers. “I’m still so scared right now so if you could just, you know, sleep right next to me, that would calm me down a lot, I think…”

Donghyuck had his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, glaring at his ceiling, asking his Lord, why must you test me like this?

“You do know that your boyfriend would kill me if he knows I’m doing this with you, right?”

She winced, smiling sheepishly. “Can’t you just keep it a secret?”

He sighed, making sure that he had the expression that said I’m-so-done-with-all-your-bratty-requests when deep down inside, he was shaking in both excitement and fear of not being able to hold himself back.

“I’m a man too, you know,” Donghyuck grumbled, slipping himself underneath the comforter. He didn’t take off his shirt this time, unlike the other nights when he slept alone. “I could attack you in your sleep.”

“Isn’t that the very reason why we’re keeping the door open?” She giggled, though the tremble from her previous breakdown was still there. “This is actually rather exciting. It’s been years since we slept side-by-side like this. It reminds me of our good old days.”

“Yeah?” He jeered. “Remember what else we do in our good old days? We take baths together.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep.”

Donghyuck slept on his side, facing the other side of the wall while she laid on the bed with her spine pressed against the sheets and her eyes glued to his ceilings. Though she was the one who said those words, it took her forever to fall asleep. “Haechannie?”

“What?”

“You’re still awake?”

“No, this is his voicemail speaking.”

“If you’re too tired to talk, could you sing me a song or something? It’s too quiet and I can’t help remembering that creepy tune she sang every time she showed up.”

“My God, what are you, a kid?”

“You forced me to watch that, so take responsibility for it!”

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned, turning to his back with his eyes locked on his ceilings and then started to hum. She listened to it wholeheartedly, a smile popping up on her face but it didn’t stay long before she realized something.

“Are you singing the theme to Mario Bros?”

“If you even begin to complain, I’m going to kick you off the bed.”

“Right, okay, continue then.”

She listened again, prepared for the same tune, but he changed it at the last second. “I can’t believe you changed it to Spongebob’s now.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, just go to sleep!”

“Okay, geez!” Her smile became permanent on her face. “You just said the F word. Mommy’s gonna be pissed at you tomorrow.”

It ended up with them throwing playful punches and kicks under the duvet and Donghyuck laughed a lot, missing and loving every second of it because this was how they used to be—playing around like kids, messing with each other’s hair and faces. At one point, he began to hover over her, trapping her body between his arms, his knee placed on the small space between her thighs. The pendant of his silver necklace was grazing along her collar bone, making her shiver slightly from the cold.

She was sweating, her bangs sticking to her temple, and she was as breathless as he was, panting for air. It felt like time began to slow for Donghyuck the second his eyes were locked on hers, his surroundings vanishing into a blur. He was so close, too close, that he could feel her breath on his lips, could almost taste the scent of her shampoo on his tongue, and if he could just lean in…

The sound of his name tumbling down her lips in a soft, almost inaudible manner was what stopped him from pressing his lips against hers, and he was thankful because otherwise, he could’ve done it, and then everything would be ruined.

He couldn’t afford that to happen.

“Your breath stinks,” he said instead and pecked her quickly on her forehead. He immediately scrambled to his other side of the bed, shouting, “Go to sleep, you idiot,” as he gave his best effort to pretend he was sleeping.

You were so close, Donghyuck thought, you almost ruined everything. Pull yourself together.

And if I can’t have her, just let me have this moment for the rest of my life.

***

It was the color of ivory, her trench coat was as she wrapped it harshly around her body, all the while fuming in anger. Her phone was buzzing non-stop, alerting her to the new messages that arrived almost at the same time and she knew exactly who they were from.

I still can’t believe you’re choosing him over me to celebrate your birthday. - Haechannie, 09.10

We do this every year, Noona, we PROMISED to always celebrate our birthdays together. - Haechannie, 09.10

And now that you have Na fucking Jaemin giving you sloppy blowjobs as your birthday gift, you suddenly just forget about me?! How fucking ridiculous is that?! - Haechannie, 09.11

Does he even know it’s your birthday today? Did he congratulate you on it like I did? Showing up at your door at midnight, carrying the world’s most gigantic alpaca doll in my arms when it was fucking freezing outside?! Because I sure as hell didn’t see his stupid donkey face! - Haechannie, 09.12

Also, not trying to be an ass about this, but do you even know how hard it is to find a one-meter tall Alpaca doll?! Why can’t you just like teddy bears like everyone else for fuck’s sake. - Haechannie, 09.13

“Oh my God,” she groaned loudly to the air, almost stomping her feet in fury as she texted back, “I’m not ditching you, you selfish idiot! I’ll be back before dinner and then we can spend the rest of the day together so for once in your life, stop sounding like a fucking asshole!” She paused, thinking more words to add before she jabbed her thumbs to her phone screen again. “Also, I didn’t ask you to get me anything so you can take that stupid ugly doll back if you’re going to be a bitch about it because I don’t need it!”

And she pressed send. But before she could catch her breath, another response came by.

Great. Do me a favor, will ya? Don’t show up at dinner. I’m not your fucking backup plan. - Haechannie, 09.15

She was so close to smashing her phone against the wall, but the text coming from her boyfriend, telling her that he was waiting for her downstairs, made her heaved the heaviest sigh she’d ever made, shoved her phone into her purse, and stepped down the stairs with angry clicks of her heels.

The entire birthday date was a disaster for her because Jaemin was discussing something important but she couldn’t decipher a word he said. The look on Donghyuck’s face when she said she had promised Jaemin she’d go on a date with him on her birthday—how shocked and disappointed he was, not to mention furious—was the only thing that she could focus on. She kept replaying it over and over again in her head, until Jaemin took her hand and called, “Noona? Did you hear what I just said?”

And she was so terribly upset that she began to lose control of her mouth. “Don’t call me that. I have someone back home who calls me that a lot and it’s getting annoying.”

“O…kay,” Jaemin awkwardly said, pulling his hand away from hers. “I was just trying to be respectful.”

She threw her head back, sighing loudly in exasperation. “You’re right, sorry. I didn’t mean to take this out on you.” She took a deep breath, waited until she calmed down a little bit before she continued again. “I just had this fight with someone and it keeps bugging me.”

“Let me guess. Is it Lee Donghyuck again?”

She raised her head in surprise, looking at him. “What do you mean again?”

“He’s all you’ve been thinking about, for as long as I remember.”

“Yeah, because he’s like a little brother to me who annoys the hell out of me.” She rubbed her temple, feeling her energy drained. “Well, he’s not actually my brother, but he acts like one—he gets on my nerves, teases me a lot, calls me stupid all the time—”

“Why do I get the feeling that he’s more than just a little brother to you?”

She frowned. “What do you mean? You’re not listening to me—”

“Look, you know what?” Jaemin ran a hand through his hair. “I think it’s best to end this.”

“What?” She nearly dislocated her jaw. “What are you even saying—are you breaking up with me?”

“Well, you’re going to graduate soon and you told me once that you’d probably leave town for college, and with all this Donghyuck thing going on…” Jaemin sighed. “I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

***

It was the color of dark grey, the heavy clouds that hovered above the earth with thunders flashing between them. She stood in front of Donghyuck’s door, fingertips shivering slightly from the cold as she rang his doorbell. The boy came to answer shortly after, his usual gaze quickly turning into a menacing glare at the sight of her. He was about to rave over their previous fight when he noticed how she was all drenched from the rain with tears streaming down her face. She glanced up at him, murmuring his name between sobs, and Donghyuck hastily gathered her in his arms, not caring one bit how the rain seeped almost instantly to the grey Nirvana shirt he was wearing.

“Are you okay?” He attentively asked, cupping her cheek with his lean fingers. He lifted her face, examining every detail of her features, making sure she wasn’t hurt in the slightest. “Did something happen?” His voice suddenly turned gravelly. “Did he do this to you?”

She sniffled, burying her face in his chest. “Jaemin broke up with me.”

“On your fucking birthday?!”

She nodded.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Donghyuck said, almost growling as he embraced her tighter. “I’m gonna keep you company today and make sure you’re okay first, and then I’m going to kill him.”

There was no need for apologies to be exchanged, because Donghyuck already had his arms around her, drying her hair with a towel and lending her his sweater that he knew she loved. His parents weren’t home at the time, so they sat on the kitchen counters, legs dangling a few inches above the porcelain floor with a cup of hot coffee in their hands.

“This is the worst birthday in the history of mankind,” she said, slurping her coffee. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Well, there was actually this girl who got murdered on her birthday—”

“Just humor me, will you?” He chuckled and patted her hair. “But to be fair, I don’t think he’s aware it’s my birthday today. He hasn’t said anything, didn’t give me anything. I also never told him, and he…Well, he never asked.”

“And yet, you still went out with him.” He sighed, now tucking a loose strand of her hair to the back of her ear. “I know you’re an idiot, but I didn’t think you were this much of an idiot.”

She grew smaller. “Please be mean to me another day. I’m currently wounded.”

“Right, okay, come here.” He cradled her in his arms, placing his chin on top of her head. “You smell like a wet dog, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She was about to lean more to his touch when his phone began to ring.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” She questioned when he did nothing about it and when he kept quiet, she broke apart from his embrace, jumped down, and grabbed his phone from the table.

“Unknown number,” she mumbled when his ringtone stopped playing. “Wait, there’s a text.”

“Don’t read it.”

“It said aren’t you coming over.” She raised her eyebrows in question. “Is this your girlfriend?”

He yawned. “A different one.”

“What, that fast? Were you supposed to meet her? Oh my God, I’m so sorry for taking your time, why aren’t you—”

“Rather than saying that,” he took a sip of his coffee, “We should begin our revenge plan on that stupid ex of yours. I mean, I could just straight-up punch him in the face, but you already know his weakness. It’s time to strike, baby.”

She blinked, her puffy eyes soon began to gleam mischievously. “I’ve already planned it all out. Do you wanna hear it in alphabetical order?”

***

It was the color of burgundy, the quilt that covered her body when she suddenly woke up from her dream with a jolt, surprising the man who slept on the floor next to the foot of her bed.

“What happened?” Donghyuck asked, rubbing his eyes away from sleep. “Nightmare?”

Her eyes were wide when she looked back at him, gulping hard before she said, “I just had the dream.”

“What dream?”

“The dream, Hyuck.”

“Wet dream? I thought that was only for boys—”

“No, you’re not listening to me. The dream.” She threw her blanket away, scrambling back to her feet, and kneeled in front of him, taking his hand in hers. “I just met my soulmate.”

Donghyuck almost shuddered. “What?”

“It’s true, Haechannie, it wasn’t just a rumor,” she said, looking at her trembling fingers. “They said the dreams would start sometime after we turned eighteen and I saw it. I saw him. And it felt so weird. It wasn’t like a dream, it was—” Realization befell her eyes. “A memory. You were right, it was a memory—his memory.”

“Okay, wait a sec.” He held up a finger in the air. “What exactly did you see? And talk like a normal person this time.”

She nibbled on her lower lip, deep in her thoughts. “So, you know how when you’re dreaming, you can’t tell if it’s a dream? Like you’re suddenly somewhere, doing something that you can’t remember the beginning of it but it felt normal so you kept doing that, until suddenly you wake up and you start noticing how weird it really was.” Donghyuck nodded, albeit still a little unsure. “Well, this isn’t anything like that. You’re completely aware that it’s a dream—at least, I was. I remember telling myself it was a dream but now I realized it was a memory.”

“My God, you’re taking too long,” he complained. “What exactly did you see? For fuck’s sake, just tell me!”

“I was in a classroom at some school that I’ve never seen before and there was this guy who looked just about my age, sitting on the last row—just right by the window. He had the softest hair, a pair of big, beautiful doe eyes, cute thin lips, broad shoulders—”

“Hold up.” He grimaced. “You’re not talking about me, are you?”

“One of these days, Lee Donghyuck, I’m going to strangle you in your sleep, I swear to God, I will.”

“Right, apparently not then. Please, continue.”

She took another two seconds to throw ice daggers at him with her eyes before she finally started again. “He was scribbling something down on his book. And I tried to talk to him, but he couldn’t hear me. I could hear him, though, and everything else that was going on in the classroom. I could hear him hum a song before he nodded his head, looking like he just figured something out, and then he was writing things down again. I tried to reach out to him, but I couldn’t physically touch him too. I was just a bystander that saw everything—like watching a movie or something.”

“A completely boring movie, if you ask me.”

She rolled her eyes, completely ignoring him. “Then, when I blinked my eyes, I was standing somewhere else. There was this lake, so beautiful, surrounded by mountains—like the entire scenery of it was just breathtaking, and I don’t think that’s in our country so he might have traveled somewhere overseas.”

He snorted. “Sounds like an annoying rich kid.”

“Can you just—” She sighed, calming herself down. “So, I saw him there with a camera in his hands and a guitar case strapped to his back. He was taking some shots of the landscape and, uhh,” she shyly chuckled, “I know it’s too fast for me to say this, but his face when he’s concentrating—“

“Constipating?”

“Concentrating,” she corrected and Donghyuck sent her a kissy face. “The face he made when he was concentrating was so cute.”

“Ugh, enough with the lame commentary.” He yawned, stretching his arms above his head. “Why are you so sure he’s your soulmate? Sounds like just another weird-ass dream to me.”

“I can’t really explain it, but…” Her eyes turned soft, cheeks going a bit rosy. “It feels like I just found something that I didn’t know I lost—something important, something that was a part of me, even. And it just makes me feel whole, you know? It’s weird saying this when I don’t even know his name but… That’s just how I feel. Everything just clicked.”

“Huh…” Donghyuck’s tongue was protruding against the inside of his mouth as he tried to process his thoughts. It suddenly felt like his heart was being cut into several pieces, the moment his reality sank in. He didn’t realize it was that serious. Or at least, he didn’t want it to be that serious.

She squeezed his hand. “You understand how I feel, don’t you, Haechannie?”

He sent her a timid smile before he pulled her body into him, pressing his chest against hers, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder. “Yeah,” he muttered softly, his lips grazing the fabric of her sweater. “I get it.” And she giggled, embracing him tighter, thinking that maybe he was just as happy as her.

She didn’t notice the way his fingers slowly curled against the back of her sweater. She didn’t notice how he deliberately pressed his lips against her clothed shoulder as he spoke so he could hide the shivers in his voice. And she didn’t notice how his eyes were shaking in the fear of losing her, how he could barely bear the pain in his chest, how his mind almost made him vomit the words he’d been dreading.

It’s okay. She hasn’t met him yet. Maybe it’s just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything.

God, please don’t let it mean anything.

***

It was a shade of purple, the color she used to paint a lavender in her sketchbook before she drew the rest of the landscape. But before she could finish painting the next thing, she sighed dreamily into the air, closing her drawing book with both hands.

“He’s in a band,” she said as they laid side-by-side on the grass, enjoying the warm sunlight on their faces and the scent of the pine trees in the garden near their homes. “Was. Or still is, I’m not sure.”

And she laughed, she always did whenever she talked about him and although the sound of it used to warm his heart, it made him struggle even more with jealousy. So he just hummed, scrolling down his Instagram feeds to distract him.

Three months had passed by ever since she had that dream, and Donghyuck was conflicted between wanting to know more or hearing none of it for the rest of his life. She had the dream every single night, reliving every single one of her soulmate’s memory—both past and present—every time she closed her eyes, and to him, she seemed more alive when she was about to go to bed, rather than after she woke up.

“I heard him sing once during his band practice when his vocalist had a sore throat. He sounded great but like, a bit hesitant, you know? Like he’s not confident with his voice.” She turned around to her stomach, staring at him with excitement in her eyes and a speck of scarlet painting her cheeks. “Well, he doesn’t sound anything like you, but I still think he’s great.”

“Good to know,” he coldly replied. She seemed to take notice of that.

“I’m sorry, Haechannie,” she said, “I must have bored you to death with all this soulmate talk.”

“Yeah, well, he’s your soulmate, not mine, so I couldn’t care any less.” He could’ve been nicer about it, but then again that wouldn’t be him.

“Well, guess what?” She landed half of her body on his stomach, knocking some of his breath with her weight but he just threw a glare in response and not pushing her away. “Somebody is having his eighteenth birthday in a month. So then, we’ll have your soulmate to talk about too.”

“Yaaay,” he weakly cheered, face flat and ignorant.

She pouted. “Why aren’t you excited about this? You’re gonna be dreaming about your soulmate! I’m excited to know who’s that lucky girl going to be.”

His chest felt heavy and it had nothing to do with the girl on top of him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I hope she’s nice and pretty,” she said, smiling genuinely at him. “Because only the most perfect girl in this entire universe can deserve my Haechannie.”

But he didn’t want a perfect girl. He just wanted her, so why was it so impossible to ask?

“Wish I could wish the same for you,” he said, placing his phone on his chest and leaned back on his elbows so he could focus his gaze on hers.

“What do you mean?”

And he switched their positions, rolling their bodies on the grass until she had her spine pressed against the ground with him hovering above her. “H-Haechannie?”

She looked so perfect like this—trapped between his arms, her doe eyes widening in surprise, taking in his sight, her lips parted making a soft gasp of his name.

Ah, I want to make her mine. Why can’t she be mine?

He leaned down, the tip of his nose almost brushing against hers. And if he could just forget everything—their friendship, her future life with her soulmate—for a few seconds and allow himself to be selfish, he would close the gap, meeting her lips with his, bask himself in her warmth, and he would let her moan against his mouth, would caress her cheeks with his fingertips, and would just wish the time to stop so they could repeat that for eternity.

But this reality of his was not that.

This reality of his felt more like a nightmare—one that he could never wake up from.

So in this reality, he brought his lips dangerously close to her ear, and whispered, “I hope your soulmate picks his nose and eats his booger whenever you’re not looking because only then he’d be perfect for you.”

And before she could kick his abs in response, he already scrambled back to his feet, running away as if his life depended on it.

***

It was the color of cerulean blue, the scarf that Donghyuck wore around his neck because he was a bit sensitive to cold even when spring was about to come to an end.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Donghyuck said, adrenaline rushing through his veins. “Anywhere. Just you and me.”

“What, now?” She frowned, looking at the clock on her bedroom wall. It was two hours before midnight—before he turned eighteen. “But it’s late—”

“I don’t care—”

“And it’s freezing outside—”

“I’ll keep you warm.” He was already tugging on her hand, pulling her up to her feet. He wrapped his scarf around her neck and placed his beanie on her head. “I don’t have my gloves but I’ll hold your hand all the way, so no more excuses and let’s go.”

Because it might be his last chance to spend his time with nothing but her presence filling his thoughts. He dreaded the possibility of having that dream sometime after the clock struck twelve. He didn’t want his heart to be taken by someone else—let alone, a stranger. And he knew he wouldn’t dream about her because she had found her soulmate and he was not him.

And if it was true—if having that dream changed his entire perspective where he could only love that one girl for the rest of his life then…

Just let me have this moment with her, where I can still love her with all my heart, even if she doesn’t love me the same way.

“Where are we going?” She demanded as they broke past the front door as quietly as they could since her parents were sleeping in their room.

“I don’t know—I don’t care—I just—” He breathed into the night air, puffs of warm breath painting the space between them. “Anywhere is fine. I just want to be with you.”

He saw her cheeks turning scarlet but he didn’t hope for too much. It was probably just the cold playing tricks on him.

“Okay, well then,” She tightened her duffle coat around her body. “Lead the way.”

He smiled, feeling blessed for having her putting so much faith in him, even after all this time.

There weren’t many places open at that hour, and it was fine because they already felt content just from walking side-by-side under the cherry blossoms that had withered all of their flowers. The way she held his hand reminded him of their younger days, both gentle and somewhat protective—like a sister to a younger brother and it made him feel both joy and sadness because he wanted to intertwine their fingers together as lovers, embrace each other under the dim glow of the streetlight, and connect their lips together while whispering loving words between chaste kisses.

“Haechannie,” she said, snapping him out of his reverie as she stopped them both in their tracks. “Happy birthday.”

Donghyuck blinked, not realizing how two hours just passed in an instant. “I’m as old as you, already?” He sneered. “I feel so gross.”

But she didn’t laugh the way he thought she would. Instead, she was looking at him with a glint of loneliness in her eyes which made him wonder why. “I bought you something.” She rummaged her coat’s pocket before she showed a little black box the size of her palm with a red bow wrapped around it.

Donghyuck faked a gasp. “No way, you’re proposing to me? But honey, I’m already carrying your child!”

She stomped her feet on his. “Shut up and just be serious for a sec, will ya?”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He chuckled but he could hear how nervous he actually was from the little crack in his voice. He took the little present with a shy, slightly awkward smile. “Can I open it now?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t mock me for it.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her before he opened the box to find a silver oval locket necklace displayed inside it. He glanced at her. “Don’t tell me you have a picture of us taking our bath together as babies in it.”

“Interesting, but no. I did have something written on it, though.”

“Okay, but if you wrote something stupid, I will—” He froze, hands stopping mid-air after he opened the locket and read the words engraved on the silver plate.

To my first love, Lee Donghyuck.

“Okay, before you say anything,” she cut him off, fidgeting a little on her feet. “Let me explain about it first. I don’t want to come out as weird or anything because after this, we’re both going to find our soulmates and go our separate ways so let me assure you that I’m not saying I love you that way, but—”

He pulled her into his chest, wrapping both of his arms around her shoulders, his lips pressing against her hair.

“Haechannie—”

“Shut up,” he said, closing his eyes as he calmed his racing heart. “Just shut up and let me have this moment.”

She wasn’t sure whether he got her previous message but she no longer cared, because at the end of the day, he was her first love in every way—as a family, a brother, a friend, and even a lover once, though she never allowed herself to think about him like that. So she tangled her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest, and closed her eyes for as long as he would let her.

Donghyuck wanted this moment to last forever but he knew time was running out even if he tried to stand still. It would be over the second he had that dream and fell in love with someone else. It would end the day she’d meet her soulmate, treating his existence merely as a bystander in her love story.

But for now… Just for now…

“I love you,” Donghyuck whispered so softly against her hair, almost inaudible by the sound of the wind passing through their ears. “I love you, Noona. So much that it hurts.”

She chuckled, embracing him tighter. “I love you too, Haechannie.”

Then why does this feel like a goodbye?

He pulled back, pressing his temple against hers. “There’s no life without you,” he said, a shy smile forming on his lips.

She cupped his cheek, rubbing comforting circles on his skin. “There’s no life without you, Haechannie.”

***

“So, umm, thanks for today,” Donghyuck said, as he walked her back to her house, rubbing his nape awkwardly as he said it. “And thanks for the gift. I’ll treasure it.”

“You better.” She playfully punched his arm. “It was pretty expensive, just so you know.”

“More expensive than a one-meter tall made-by-order alpaca doll I bought you?”

“Sorry, I’ll take that back.” She winced, and Donghyuck chuckled a little bit under his breath, patting her head and letting his fingers linger a little longer than usual on the soft strands of her hair.

“Well…” He retracted his hand, placing them in his coat’s pocket. “Good night.”

“See you tomorrow.” And she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek at the same time he was about to do the same and their lips grazed each other, soft lips meeting softer ones in the faintest of touch but carved something deep both in their bodies and minds.

They both took a step back at the same time, startled. He was busy looking anywhere but her face, and she concealed her lips with her fingers, bringing her head down to hide her eyes underneath her bangs.

There was a silence that made his skin crawl. “S-sorry, I was—”

“No, it’s okay, I get it,” she immediately said, forcing a smile before she hastily turned on her heels, her shaky fingers searching for her doorknob. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Donghyuck still had trouble breathing. “Y-yeah, sure.”

She timidly smiled again before she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

Now that they were both out of each other’s sight, Donghyuck inaudibly cursed into the air, running a hand through his hair, feeling his heart ramming against his ribcages while she slid down to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and pressed her spine against the back of her front door.

The thought of their brief, accidental kiss was the only thing that painted their minds even behind their closed eyelids as they laid on their beds, hoping for exhaustion to take over their bodies. Once it did, they both fall into a soundless sleep where she began to think about another pair of lips but it wasn’t the case for Donghyuck.

Because, as he fell into his first soulmate dream, he was facing the same person—the girl who owned his heart, whose lips were just as soft as he’d imagined them to be.

Noona, he spoke inside the dream, staring at the sight of her, why am I dreaming about you?

***

[ladydimitrescuspet]

Make Me Feel Better - Chapter 2

AO3 Link, enjoy and tell me what you think so far if you want!

***

You woke up after a few hours of sleeping, grateful that you had run into Heisenberg.

"Hey sleepy head, you hungry?" Heisenberg asked. You nodded your head. "Good, cause I made you something. Alcina called." Heisenberg said.

"And?" You replied. Heisenberg shrugged. "What did you say to her, Heis?" You asked.

"I told her that you were fine and you'd come back to the castle when you were ready." Heisenberg replied. You nodded your head. "Now, eat and tell me what happened." Heisenberg said as he put the plate in your hand.

You sat the plate on your lap and looked at him. "Daniela said some not so nice things to me. It was nothing, really." You said before taking a bit of your sandwich.

"What kind of not so nice things? My niece is one to speak before she thinks, but not to someone who is as close to Alcina as you are." Heisenberg said.

You sighed. "I won't go into details, but the gist is that she wishes that she could break me like the little fragile toy that I am. She wants me dead, Heisenberg." You replied.

"And you ran away because?" Heisenberg asked.

You laughed dryly. "I don't belong there, in that castle. I'm not one of them. I'm just some mortal that happened to catch Alcina's eye and she granted me some mercy." You said. "I weaseled my way into their family and because of me I'm destroying it." You put your plate on the table in front of you, losing your appetite.

"Y/N, you're not destroying the family. Elise and Victoria love having you at the castle. Alcina loves having you at the castle. I love having you here and at the factory. Just because Daniela said some bad things to you doesn't mean that you ripped us apart." Heisenberg said. You had a few tears rolling down your cheeks and wiped them away. "Listen to me, you can stay for as long as you need to, but I really think you should go back to the castle. Back to Alcina. She was very worried about you when she called."

You nodded your head. "I should go back. I want to go back, but..." You trailed off. Heisenberg stood up. "Do you think Alci will be upset with me?" You asked.

Heisenberg grimaced. "Oh, you're in a heap of trouble with my sister. You're lucky I found you before she did. At least with me by your side, I can put in a good word with her." Heisenberg said.

"She sent Daniela to Mother Miranda's." You said. Heisenberg raised his eyebrow. "She's not going to hurt her, is she?" You asked.

"It depends. I'm sure Mother has called Alcina and asked her why she's sent Daniela to the church. And Alcina will explain, Mother will see no reason for her to be there being that she doesn't care about you, Alcina will get frustrated and tell Mother to do something about her incompetence regardless of what Mother believes, and then Alcina will hang up. She'll probably break a few things and then she'll... You left her all alone, Y/N, some poor maiden is probably going to get the brunt of her frustration taken out on them." Heisenberg said.

Your eyes widened. "Natalie," You said softly. "Heisenberg, we have to go. We're probably too late, but we have to go." You said as you quickly got up. Heisenberg frowned. "I, um, I had Natalie tell a lie to Alcina. I said that Alci wouldn't hurt her if I said so, but Alci only listens to me sometimes. I'm worried about her, Heis." Your lip trembled as you spoke. You really hoped that you hadn't just sentenced your friend to her death.

"Just wait right here." Heisenberg said. He walked over to the phone and called someone. "Hello, sister." Heisenberg said into the phone, you rushed to his side. "Y/N would like to speak to you." Heisenberg handed the phone to you.

"Alcina?" You said into the phone. She was breathing heavily like she'd just run a marathon. "Alci, please don't hurt her." You said.

Alcina growled into the phone slightly. "I don't believe you have a say in what I do or don't do, my dear." Alcina replied. You whined a bit. "If you didn't want your little friend to be punished then you should've thought about that before you left the castle grounds."

You sniffled. "Alcina, please, just wait. I'm sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have left the grounds. I just, I, I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you just please don't hurt her." You pleaded with her over the phone.

Alcina hummed. "You have until nightfall to make your return. If you fail to return by then, I'm afraid you won't be too pleased about your little friend upon your late arrival. See you then, darling." Alcina replied before hanging up. You could hear the grin in her voice.

You handed the phone back to Heisenberg. "Can we make it back to the castle before nightfall, Heis?" You asked.

Heisenerg nodded his head. "We'll have to head to the factory. It'll be about mid-afternoon before we get there, but with how connected the factory is to my sister's castle, we should be there with time to spare." Heisenberg replied. You let out a shaky deep breath, you wouldn't forgive yourself if anything happened to Natalie. "Hey, don't worry, my sister won't hurt that maid. Alci's probably just made some empty threat just to get you to come back to the castle."

You frowned a bit. "Alcina never makes empty threats, Heis. I know she's your sister and you've known her for a very long time, but if she makes a threat, she intends to act on it." You replied. "We should get going." You said as you headed towards the front door.

Heisenberg had been correct about how long your journey back to Castle Dimitrescu would take. You had run most of the way back when the castle came into view, panting heavily as you banged on the door and waited for it to be open.

You let a small smile hang on your face as tears started to form in your eyes. Natalie had opened the door. "Oh, Natalie, thank goodness. Are you alright?" You asked as you pulled back to inspect her.

She knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "I'm fine, Y/N. Is something wrong?" Natalie replied.

You growled a bit. "Where's Lady Dimitrescu, Natalie?" You asked through gritted teeth.

"She's in her study. She's waiting for you and Sir Heisenberg, requested that I bring you two to her when you arrived." Natalie said. "She gave me a nasty grin after the order, sent shivers to my spine, in all honesty."

You gave her one last hug. "Take the rest of the evening off to rest yourself. Eat dinner if you haven't. I'll be to your quarters to check on you later." You gave her a smile before dismissing her. You turned around to see that Heisenberg had finally made it to the castle. "It took you long enough, slowpoke." You said.

Heisenberg rolled his eyes and pushed you slightly. "So what's the verdict? Did my sister drain your little friend or is she still alive and kicking?" Heisenberg asked. He closed the castle doors behind him.

"Her name is Natalie and she's fine. I gave her the rest of the night off." Heisenberg opened his mouth to say something. "Her staff will behave themselves for the remainder of the night, they now not to cause any disturbances in the castle when she is off duty." You added before sighing. You removed your coat and hung it up. "Alcina's waiting for us in her study. I suppose we shouldn't keep her waiting any longer, I'm sure she knows that we're here."

Heisenberg scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, we probably shouldn't and she probably does. Whatever happens, I'm right by your side." Heisenberg replied.

You gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Heis, I appreciate that.” You said.

“Karl.” You raised an eyebrow. “My first name is Karl. I figured since we’ve gotten better acquainted that you should know.” You kept yourself from grinning at his name. "Do not make me regret this, Y/N." He said as he started heading up the stairs.

"Oh no, no, you won't, I promise. I just, the name, it fits you, it really does." You replied. ou saw him wave you off. "I swear! It means free man, strong man, and manly, right? A lot on the man meanings, but it really does fit you just like Alcina's name fits her. Your names were wisely picked."

"I'm not the one you should be trying to butter up, Y/N." Heisenberg said. "But, you're not wrong. However, when we get to Alcina's study, you better be ready to do a lot of pleasing. Lots and lots of pleasing." Heisenberg said.

Your face flushed. "I'm sure she'll send you out of the room and back to your factory before dishing out my punishment." You replied. The two of you had finally made it to Alcina's study and you knocked on the door.

"Enter." You heard Alcina's muffled response through the thick door.

You opened the door, your hand shaking a bit as you pushed down on the doorknob. "Honey, I'm home?" You said. Alcina didn't look up from what she was working on. "Come on, Al, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run away." You looked over at Heisenberg who was admiring the walls of Alcina's study, you elbowed him.

"Ow." Heisenberg said quietly before clearing his throat. "Y/N is willing to do whatever's necessary to make it up to you, Alcina. Whatever is necessary, Alci." You didn't really like the emphasis he put on whatever. You scowled at him and he gave a half-hearted shrug. "Sorry." He mouthed at you.

"Heisenberg, you may go, but do not leave this castle under any circumstances, understand?" Alcina looked up with a raised eyebrow. Heisenberg nodded his head and slipped out the study, closing the door behind him.

"As for you, my dear, head down the hall to my chambers. I will attend to you once I am finished in here.” Alcina said.

You nodded your head. “Yes, Lady Dimitrescu.” You replied as you turned to open the door. You didn’t really use her title often but now seemed like an appropriate time for it.

“And pet?” Alcina said, a sly smirk appearing on her face.

“Yes, My Lady?” You responded.

Lady Dimitrescu made a face. “Bathe first. I assume you know how I expect to find you in the room, yes?” You nodded your head. “Good. Have a maid assist you if you must. And don’t fret, your mistress won’t be long, floarea mea mica. You may leave now.” Alcina shooed you away before going back to her work.

You quickly made your way out of the study and headed to her room. “Angelika, I need you to run me a bath and then set up for the Lady, if you don’t mind.” The maid nodded her head and went to run you a bath. You had no idea what Alcina had planned for you, but you knew that you were in for a long night with her.

[voiceswithoutlips]

Calico - Chapter Eight

— pairing: Hybrid ot7 x Human Reader (Female) — genre: hybrid AU, fluff, angst, slow burn (like real slow), eventual smut — word count: 3k — Rating: G — warnings: Slight mention of past abuse, description of a panic attack. — beta: Thank you @taegularities​ and @joheunsaram​ <3

Tag List || Masterlist || Schedule

— chapter summary:

Y/N is having a hard day, who will comfort her?

— A/N: Guys, I’m so bad at summaries, if this was an exam my grades would’ve been in the negative. Anyway, welcome to the new chapter! I know I was supposed to post fallen, but somehow I ended up writing Calico instead.

I’ve had a bad case of writer’s block this week so writing this chapter was really painful, words refused to come out of my brain xD I hope you like it! You guys have been so awesome, all your feedback is really helpful. Thank you so much <3

— taglist: @lovelyseomin @anaac28 @ghostkat23 @btswdwsmhrdt @sweeneyblue1 @luvtaeha @taegularities @ aajames217 @ littlewolfieposts @nochujeonjk @hamiltrashlebo @minyoonsh @hoebii @ sunshinee0-0 @egm09 @cstobitk @splaterparty0-0 @missseoulite @mirawi-fox @sea-nevermind-enthusiast @hemmofluke @seaoffangirling @gee-nee @woopetals @secretbangtnn @vminkook-ownsme

Ch. 1  Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 3.5 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 6 Ch. 7 Ch. 8.5

I made my way downstairs in search of breakfast. Ice cream, that’s what I needed. It was that kind of a day. I was tired, jet lagged, and the tension in the house had me on edge. The flight home was fairly uneventful, except for the part where Jimin had gotten scared of flying. He had asked to hold my hand, but by the time we were in the air, the hybrid was practically sitting on my lap. Not that I minded, he was hella cuddly and his purring was downright therapeutic.

When I had asked Jungkook, if it would be okay to bring the newer hybrids home, the bunny had sounded excited, but as soon as we had gotten home, the mood had suddenly shifted. It was not the welcome I was expecting.

First, Jungkook’s hair was the color of the rainbow. His beautiful black locks were turned into a colorful mess, his white bunny ears poking out of it in stark contrast. It was a riot of colors, artfully mixed together, and I felt like I was looking at rainbow pasta. Not that the bunny didn’t pull it off, he looked really cute in it, but somehow I had a raging suspicion that it hadn’t been Jungkook’s idea.

Then, there was the growling match. I had never seen Jungkook so aggressive before. The usually sweet and well behaved bunny had started growling at Jimin as soon as we’d entered the house.. That had set off a chain reaction with Namjoon and Seokjin joining in to protect their younger packmate.

On top of that, I had to go to Seoul for three days to take care of business. I had to visit the main office to attend a few meetings and sign some papers. The whole time I felt guilty about leaving the hybrids alone. I was constantly worried that somehow they’d end up fighting. By the time I came back, somehow, someway, Jason had managed to convince Jimin to dye his hair pink. He was on a warpath.

And lastly, there was the issue of a certain stuffed penguin that went missing -  my nights were sleepless without him. All in all, this had to have been one of the shittiest weeks, and it felt like I was losing my grip on reality.

I stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes, struggling to keep them open. Unlike Jason, who was cheerfully humming, I was not a morning person. Seokjin was busy near the stove, cooking something and by the smell wafting from the pan, I could tell that it was something delicious. I had thanked every existing god when I’d learned that the sugar glider hybrid was actually an excellent chef. The first morning, he had seen Jason cook breakfast, he’d been horrified, promptly taking over the kitchen after that. Even Jungkook had begrudgingly ate his food.

My stomach grumbled as I peered in the pan. Kimchi fried rice, delicious. Unlike Jimin and Jungkook, the two older hybrids weren’t really that affectionate. I wondered if it was because they weren’t used to me yet or if they just had a different temperament. I needed to do more research on that.

I plopped down on the chair with a groan, resting my head on the counter, hands securely wrapped around my stomach. Jason gave me an enthusiastic “good morning” and I shot him a middle finger, too tired to curse at him. The bastard chuckled.

I was debating if I should stab him with a fork when I felt hands wrapping around my waist, long fingers intertwined with mine. Jungkook bent down to nuzzle the side of my face. His muscular body pressed close. My lips curled into a small smile as I made small happy noises. My brain wasn’t awake enough to form coherent sentences yet. I needed my cup of coffee or better yet, some delicious ice cream.

Jungkook’s arms tightened around me possessively, I could feel the vibrations in his chest as he let out a low growl. I opened my eyes to see Jimin standing near the chair, looking distressed, hands balled into fists at his sides. His tail was swishing rapidly in agitation, ears flattened to his head. He was biting his lower lip, trying his best not to respond to Jungkook’s hostility.

“Bunny no,” I croaked, patting his hands, my voice thick with sleep. I lifted my head, extending a hand to Jimin. Jungkook took his cue and reluctantly let me go, keeping hold of my other hand. Jimin grabbed my hand and with his other one checked my forehead, a worried look on his face.

“Are you sick?” he asked, gnawing on his lip.

“I’m just sleepy.” He giggled at my pout and graced me with a forehead kiss. He sat down next to me, and now I was sandwiched between two hybrids who were holding my hands, glaring daggers at each other. I rested my forehead on the counter with a sigh. What was I going to do with them?

Once again I was in a dilemma. I could scold them and make them shake hands, like a couple of kids, or I could let them handle it on their own, like adults. Taking care of four hybrids was tiring. I shot a quick glance at Seokjin, who was now setting up the table; he was ignoring the two younger hybrids in front of him, but his tail was curled tightly, ears flat. It seemed as if he was tense too.

“Guys, I need breakfast,” I said, reluctantly pulling my hands from their grip. I made my way to the fridge to grab a tub of my favorite ice cream, ignoring the stares that the hybrids were giving me. I had to stop myself from pulling Jason’s ear as I passed him, not now Y/N. The revenge for ruining Jungkook’s hair had to be elaborately planned, something memorable, just like old days. Like the time when I had super glued his shirt cuffs closed, so he couldn't put his hands through the sleeves. He had started this war, I was going to finish it.

“I like your garden!” Namjoon said as he walked in through the back door. Ears perked up, an excited glint in his eyes. I didn’t even know he was out there. I wondered if he could help me with the hybrid situation, he was a pack leader after all. He had informed me about hybrid pack dynamics on the plane while I cuddled a sleepy Jimin. Apparently he was their alpha, the leader of their pack, Seokjin was second in command and Jimin was their maknae. He was excited to meet Jungkook, since he was a rabbit hybrid, they're usually very docile and friendly. Needless to say, we had both been shocked at the bunny's behavior.

“I’m glad you like it. Maybe you could help me with it?”

“Really? I would love to!”

We all moved to the seldom used dining table for breakfast - now that there were six of us, the kitchen counter was too small to occupy us all. I debated where to sit, I didn't want to take sides in the hybrid cold war, so I chose to sit at the head of the table, safe middle ground. I knew Jungkook would want to share the ice cream. I wondered if the other hybrids would too, so I had brought extra spoons, just in case.

"Seokjin, this is delicious!" Jason said as soon as he took a bite of the fried rice. "Where did you learn to cook like this?" I couldn't help but smile at the hint of envy in his voice.

"Madame hired a professional chef to teach me when she found out I liked to cook," he said shyly, ears turning pink from all the attention. It was his cutest trait: whenever someone looked at him, his ears would start to redden.

"That was nice of her," I said dryly, the distaste apparent in my tone.

"She was really nice," Namjoon said pointedly, clearly disliking my tone.

“Clair was kind, she saved us from our previous owners and gave us a home,” Jimin joined him.

"Oh?" Jason said, trying to coax some details. The three hybrids shared a quick look. Jungkook had abandoned his fried rice and was digging into my ice cream, his ears perked, listening in on the conversation.

“My first owner was a gambler, but he didn’t play poker. He and his rich friends were into blood sports. They had their own dog fighting ring. He had raised me since I was a pup, trained me to be a fighter, forced me to participate. One day, Clair saw me at a party and she wanted to buy me, she offered him so much money that he couldn’t refuse,” Namjoon finished with a sad smile. I wanted to go and hug him, but I was sure the hybrid wouldn’t welcome the gesture.

“I…” Jimin paused, looking down at his hands. “The lady who raised me, she brought me clients. She’d sell me to people… sometimes it was for a night, sometimes it was more. She used to tell me that I was her lucky charm. Clair rescued me from her, she was really kind to me.”

The spoon in my hand clattered on the table. There was a ringing in my ear. My limbs were paralyzed, heart pounding in my chest as I felt the panic rise, almost drowning in it. I couldn't get enough air, finding myself on the verge of hyperventilating while my brain went into overdrive. It wasn’t my first panic attack, I was aware of what was happening to me, I knew I had to get a hold of myself. I couldn’t lose it here, not in front of them.

“Y/N? Hey can you hear me?” I turned towards the voice, Jason’s face slowly came into focus, “are you okay?”

“Y/N?” Jungkook said, looking extremely worried. He was holding my hand like a lifeline. I slowly removed his fingers and took my hand back.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I murmured, trying to control my breathing. I got up from the chair with wobbly knees, making my way towards the door. “You guys finish up, I’ll be in my office.”

Redemption, what a joke.

It was well into the afternoon when my stomach informed me that I was hungry. I was swarmed with paperwork. I’d been busy the whole week, running errands, filling forms, trying to keep the hybrids from tearing each other apart, so the paperwork got neglected, and now I was paying for it. I briefly wondered if I should go back home and grab something to eat, but then I remembered the look on everyone’s faces this morning. I had panicked in front of them. I had been feeling restless the whole week without a certain comfort penguin. I was too embarrassed to ask the guys if they had seen it.

I groaned, leaning back in my chair. How was I going to face them? What would I tell them if they asked? A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. “Come in.”

It was Jungkook, holding a bowl. He tentatively entered the office, looking everywhere but at me. His ears were drooping behind him. “I brought you lunch,” he said, setting the bowl on the table.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away this morning,” I apologized, extending a hand towards him, which he took hesitantly. I pulled him in my lap and buried my face in his chest; he smelled like vanilla.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, wrapping his big hands around me.

“No,” I whispered. “But don't worry bunny, I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep.”

“Is it because of Jimin? Can’t we just send him away?”

That made me raise my head to look at him. “Why don’t you like him, bun?”

“He’s too clingy,” Jungkook pouted, jutting his lower lip out. It made me giggle.

“What about Namjoon and Seokjin?”

“They can stay, Seokjin hyung makes delicious food and Namjoon hyung is so cool.”

“Oh, did you talk to them?”

He shook his head no. I almost cooed at him - the poor bunny was too shy to talk to the older hybrids. “Why don’t you try making friends with Jimin? I bet you’ll like him if you got to know him better.”

He buried his face in my hair and shook his head, “...don't wanna.”

I took his hand in mine. “Won’t you do it for me?” I asked dramatically, trying to sound upset.

Jungkook leaned back to look at me, pout more pronounced. He knew exactly what I was doing. “Fine, I’ll try,” he agreed with a defeated sigh.

“Thank you, baby.” I kissed his palm in gratitude. At least he had agreed to try. “Why did you dye your hair?” I asked curiously, running my hands through his multicolored locks.

“Iwantyoutolikeme,” he said in one breath, hiding his face in my hair again.

“What?”

“I want you to like me.”

“You dyed your hair because you want me to like you?” Jungkook nodded. “Oh baby, I already like you!” I squeezed him tight, letting him know how much he meant to me. Is that what Jason had told Jimin? That I’d like him better if he dyed his hair? Jason was diabolical, I really needed to come up with a good plan to get back at him.

“Bun, next time, don’t listen to Jason.”

I was curled up on the sofa with a blanket. It was past midnight but I was wide awake and restless, staring at the ceiling. I had almost turned on the TV, but then I remembered that there were four hybrids in the house with phenomenal hearing, and I really didn’t want to wake them up. And thus, I suffered in silence.

I hadn’t seen the three new hybrids all day; they hadn’t been introduced to the shelter yet, so they stayed at home. When I came back from work, they were already in their room. They had insisted on staying in the same room, something about new places and pack bonding. I was giving Jason the cold shoulder, at least until he apologized for his crimes. And Jungkook was busy playing his new video games.

Clair had saved Jimin.

The thought rang in my head. Why hadn’t she saved me? Would things have been different, if she had stepped in? I had to admit, I was a tiny bit jealous of the panther hybrid. She had saved him.

Madame was so kind.

I was furious. How dare she? Clair had been a coward, had lived and died as one. I knew it in my soul, never in a million years would I ever forgive that woman. She didn’t deserve it.

“You’re angry,” a quiet voice said. I looked up to see a tall silhouette standing at the bottom of the stairs. Seokjin stepped out of the shadows, clutching a pillow in his hands.

“I was thinking. Can’t sleep?”

“Namjoon snores really loudly,” he complained. It made me laugh. The three of them were always attached to the hip, I had wondered if it was because they were uncomfortable here.

“You know we have plenty of spare bedrooms, you can take any of them.”

“Why are you here?”

“I can’t sleep.” I shrugged. Seokjin nodded understandingly, but he didn’t move an inch. “Do you want to sleep on the couch?”

He hesitated, looking as if he was unsure if he should accept my offer before he murmured, “can I?”

“Of course! But I think, a bed would be more comfortable,” I said, moving from the couch to the armchair. Seokjin sat down on the couch, placing his pillow near him.

“Why can’t you sleep? Is it because of what Jimin said?” he asked cautiously, ears erect and attentive.

“I have insomnia.” I shrugged, but Seokjin kept staring at me. I squirmed under his piercing gaze;  staring at me like he could see right through my bullshit. “I didn’t have a good relationship with Clair. She raised me, but she was cruel, unkind. I just… can’t fathom her as someone nice.”

“So it had nothing to do with Jimin being a prostitute?” he asked suspiciously.

“WAIT! Is that what you guys thought? Oh my god, I would never…” I was shocked. No wonder the hybrids were avoiding me like the plague. “I’m really sorry, if it seemed that way but it's not like that. I’m really happy that Clair rescued him. He deserves a good home, a family. I don’t think you’d believe me, even if I told you what my aunt was like. I’m really sorry, if I hurt you guys. But believe me when I say that this is not a place where you’ll be judged for your past.”

“You mean that.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I do.”

“You could sleep on the couch with me?” Seokjin offered sheepishly, ears turning the color of strawberries. I was surprised to see him be so direct. He had been very reserved around me till now, only talking when necessary.

“Are you sure? Won’t you be uncomfortable?” I asked, eyeing the couch. It was big enough to seat five people comfortably, but Seokjin was big too.

He nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

Seokjin adjusted the pillow and laid down on the sofa, leaving room for me. I stood there with my hello kitty blanket, wondering if it was okay. The sudden change in the hybrid’s demeanor was unexpected and I gave up trying to dissect the situation. I had to admit, I was feeling a bit cuddly since the loss of my penguin and I desperately needed sleep. I scooched on the sofa, covering both of us with the blanket, resting my head on his arm.

“You’re not okay,” he murmured, wrapping his other arm around my waist, his tail curling around my thigh.

“I just need some sleep,” I sighed. Seokjin was like a furnace behind me. I wondered why all hybrids were this warm.

“Lies,” he said as he lightly nibbled on my ear. I gasped at the unexpected contact, my heart beating so loudly in my chest that I was sure he could hear it.

“I thought you didn’t like me,” my voice came out breathier than I had intended.

“I do, I just didn’t know how to approach you. You seem so independent, I didn’t know where I could fit in your life. The only thing I could do for Clair was look pretty. But this.... this I can do, I can comfort you. I want to be useful.”

I turned around to look at him. “Oh honey, you don’t have to be useful. You’re you and that’s enough for me. I just want you to be happy.” I lightly kissed his cheek.

“I’m going to be your comfort blanket,” Seokjin said with a smile and hugged me closer.

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