#he plays at being deep and dark and complicated but he's actually just so freaking simple?

[angstandhappiness]

HOLY SHITE THIS STUFF WRECKS ME DEEP LIKE NO WUKONG DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR BUD AND NO MACAQUE DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF These monkeys are such a mess. OP you should definitely post your writing on AO3!

Wassup folks I was having thoughts about Macaque and ended up writing a ficlet using said scattered thoughts about his character. enjoy o7

Wordcount: 2k

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Macaque wasn’t a very complicated person. If anything, he thought himself rather simple. 

He liked what he liked, and he didn’t like what he didn’t like. He wanted three main things, and couldn’t imagine wanting anything more. 

Macaque wanted food. 

More specifically, he wanted fruit. He loved fruit. Having food was an important part of being happy. He knew well that being happy without food in your stomach was a difficult thing. He was especially fond of the sweetness and tartness fruits would give him. He loved to eat it, loved to find the best crab-apples, plums, apricots, tangerines, and peaches, to pick them out one by one and triumphantly show them off before peeling them or shoving them directly into his mouth. He didn’t mind digging for melons that were hiding under leaves, or hunting for sugar-cane and peeling off the outer layer with his teeth for the sweet bits inside, or climbing high up to get coconuts and smash them onto rocks to open them up. Shi Hou had smashed a coconut on his own head once, splitting it in half and getting the milk inside in his fur. “Like a rock, see?” he had declared proudly. Macaque remembered hiding his face in his arm to disguise his laugh.

2. Macaque wanted the sun. 

Contrary to what a lot of humans, and even sometimes other creatures assumed, one of Macaque’s favorite things to do was nap in the sun. His fur was dark, his natural form of magic gravitated towards things like shadows and places under rocks no one could see, so many assumed he would prefer to spend his time in dark places and away from light. Macaque rather thought the opposite. He believed his affinity to shadows and dark cold places were the very thing that drove him into the sun to shake that uncomfortable chill from his bones and feel soft sweet sunlight on his skin. He loved nothing more than a nap in the soft grass with a light breeze, his stomach full of fruit and the gentle warmth of the sun touching his face and soaking into his fur. The only time he enjoyed shade falling over his face was when he looked up to find another source of light beaming down at him with the promise of mischief in its eyes.  3. (And rather most importantly,) Macaque wanted his friend. 

His best friend. His only friend really; Shi Hou, later named Sun Wukong. Without him, the fruit was less sweet, the sunlight was cooler, and Macaque was sure he would be less happy. Before, Shi Hou, fruit and the sun had been enough, but after knowing him, being near him, and following him into all sorts of fun and chaos, Macaque couldn’t imagine being happy without him. He was a second sun, a light in all the shadows and dark places Macaque used to hide. He was his best and only friend, the person Macaque would pick out of hundreds to spend time with. The only one who could drag him out of his solitude to be with the other monkeys and join in on the fun. Sun Wukong was his person, and it made him happy to know it was just the two of them against the world.

Until it wasn’t. 

Intruding on his happiness came demons, celestials, and every other groveling insect that crawled out of the bush to beg for his friends' time as Sun Wukong started to seek more power. It was fine at first, he made time for Macaque. The extra power felt nice, the reputation he started to build meant no one bothered them. He was gone now and again for increasing periods of time, but most of the time Macaque was with him, and he always came back so it didn’t matter. 

(Until it did. Until he was gone for years.)

It was fine until those three joined the brotherhood: Azure Lion, Golden Peng, Yellow-Tusk... They pushed their way in and sat at the table, taking up space and Sun Wukong’s attention. But that wasn’t what really annoyed Macaque. Shi Hou always made time for him, always listened when he spoke, which wasn’t often around the brotherhood. No, what annoyed Macaque the most was the wars they spoke of. The battles they laughed about, the glory they spoke of to Sun Wukong until his eyes seemed to sparkle, something a little ugly underneath the awe; want, but not the good kind. What annoyed Macaque was how enamored Wukong was by it all. Rebellion, they spoke of. Pushed forward by bravado, Wukong left and came back with stories that made Macaque’s hands curl into tight fists and his fur stand on end. Talk of challenging even the Jade Emperor. 

Isn’t this enough? Macaque thought again and again. Isn’t the fruit and the sun and me and you enough? We’re immortal now, isn’t this enough? But Sun Wukong was not Macaque. He was never satisfied once he’d seen the other side, once he’d had a taste of heavenly wine, once he’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of immortal stonefruit with juices sweeter than honey, nothing in the mortal world could compare. The peaches Macaque picked for him would never be enough. Macaque would never be enough next to Celestials and people who would never see Sun Wukong like Macaque did. He wanted a bigger title, sweeter fruit, “a better way of life,” he said, “for both of us.” 

Sun Wukong slipped a celestial peach into Macaque’s hands and he could do nothing but stare at it and wonder how what they had wasn’t enough for him. 

“I’ve seen things,” Sun Wukong said to him one night, the rest of the brotherhood passed out at the table. “The world is so much bigger than this, Lui’er. They laughed at me--at us.” 

“Why does it matter what they think?” Macaque had asked. 

Sun Wukong stayed silent. 

Macaque closed his eyes and tried not to think about how his friend felt more and more distant on nights like these. He tried not to think about his own hand in pushing him to this place. 

After everything, the brotherhood disbanded easily. The nights spent in camaraderie, the talk of glory, the hands on Sun Wukong’s shoulder and pushing him to the forefront of the chaos, praising him as a leader and their King meant nothing the moment he was under the mountain. They scattered like dust in the wind and, as it was in the beginning, Macaque was the only one left.

Sun Wukong was angry. After the initial I-told-you-so that resulted in Sun Wukong screaming at him, Macaque didn’t say much. He tried to keep his visits light. He tried to bring him things, tried to keep him company, but his old friend would accept none of it, his hands clenched, his eyes alight with boiling, barely contained rage and hate. It wasn’t directed at Macaque, but he still sat a distance away. He understood why so many feared him, but Macaque never had. It felt unnatural. 

Sun Wukong had plenty to say on his own, filling the silence and Macaque’s six ears with threats of vengeance and violence that made him turn away and want desperately to press his hands over his ears or stick his head into the waterfall back home so the seething sounds of Sun Wukong's anger could be drowned out. 

Secretly, privately, quietly, a small part of Macaque was glad for the chains and the mountain that held him down. He hoped it would be enough to calm his friends' anger and allow him time to cool down, time to think and see that there were more important things than power, that it didn’t matter what others thought of them so long as they had fruit, the sun and each other. But to his disappointment, nothing changed. No matter how many days passed, Sun Wukong’s rage remained, simmering and hot. It got quieter. Less threats and more growling and silently glowering until Macaque was sure he’d burn a hole right through the chains that held him captive with his glare alone. 

Inevitably, eventually Sun Wukong directed his anger towards the only available target; his best friend and the one person who hadn’t abandoned him the moment he’d lost everything. The one person who came to check on him and visit in the place with no sunshine where the chill would cling to bone even hours after exiting. 

Macaque took it for a long while. He understood there was nothing for him to do but rage and snap and insult. He understood the bitterness. Or at least he thought he did. He’d let him rage at him and blame him for it all, being trapped, being useless. He let him call him things and lash out at him even though it hurt because he thought it might make it better. He’d take it until his hands shook and he’d have to exhale to steady himself and leave through a portal, Sun Wukong yelling obscenities behind him. He’d always come back and act like nothing happened until Sun Wukong started all over and Macaque would sit until he couldn’t take anymore, leave and then come back later and repeat the process all over again. 

But even a stone wore down eventually, and Macaque was far from as firm and unyielding as stone. His friend’s words chipped away at him little by little until he snapped back, angry at him for not opening his eyes and seeing where they were, why they were there in the first place. Furious at him for being angry at everyone and everything but himself, the real reason he was chained under a mountain and uselessly screaming threats at the cavern as if the echos would carry into the Celestial Court. He was angry at him for looking at Macaque and deciding he wasn’t enough. 

“I did it for YOU--for US!” Sun Wukong roared at him.  

And maybe it had started that way. Maybe it had been for him once. For them. Or maybe Macaque had turned a blind eye to the lies that had always been there. Maybe Sun Wukong had always been self-centred and selfish and Macaque was too stupid to see it. 

He snapped back, because Sun Wukong was trapped, he was trapped and so he would sit and he would listen. He would hear every word he’d ignored, every warning Macaque had tried to give him, every accusation and hurt Macaque felt, he would hear it all and he would listen.

Macaque called him a demon. Like so many others before, every Celestial and human they’d come into contact with, he called him a demon. But unlike the others, Sun Wukong didn’t stretch his shoulder and let it roll off his back. Instead, his jaw dropped. His eyes widened. He reacted in a way Macaque had never seen him before. He saw him react and all he could think was ‘good.’ 

It was all a bit of a blur after. He couldn’t remember a lot of what he said. He stumbled and leaned against a tree. His hands were shaking, his arms were trembling. His feet were unsteady under him. They’d never fought like that before. A lot of it was a blur but Sun Wukong's last words, banishing him from returning ran clear in his ears. And that alone made him bitter enough to close his shadow portal and decide then and there he was never going back. 

Macaque had only ever wanted three things, but now? He didn’t know what he wanted. 

A lot happened after that. Bad things. Things he would rather not remember, but one thing was certain. The Six-Eared Macaque as he was, without the Monkey King was vulnerable. He was weak. He was all alone and many preyed on him simply for his association with the Great Sage Equal to Heaven.  

So Macaque did all he could think of to do. 

He built up a wall, a persona of sorts. He needed to become someone else, someone they couldn’t hurt so easily. He needed to become loud rather than quiet, brash rather than nervous, scary rather than soft. He needed to become someone no one would mess with or dare linger around. He needed to become someone powerful enough to say no. Someone who didn’t want things as stupid and simple as naps in the sun and sweet fruit handpicked from trees and being around friends. He needed to become someone who didn’t care. 

But who could he mirror? Who’s confidence and brashness could he channel? Who’s lack of care for the people around them could he mimic and hold close and make himself believe he felt? Who’s personality could he take and warp into what he remembered, vicious and hurtful and power hungry? Who’s weapon could he replicate and clench in his hand when he felt an inkling of care for people who wouldn’t care for him when it really counted? Who could he mimic to become someone else who didn’t want simple things like holding hands with a best friend and picking fruit until they smiled? 

Why Sun Wukong of course. 

The most selfish person he knew. 

(note: please don't slander sun wukong in the notes Macaque's opinions do not reflect the my own regarding the great sage equaling heaven-- hGLS;KJFD)

[dreamerdrop]

Saw your Abscess-verse timeline and now I'm very curious if you have any thoughts on what an 'If Wishes Were Horses' AU for it would look like 🧐

Oooh, I’ve been puzzling over that episode for a while now, lol.

I’m kind of torn, between there’s so many ways it could go in this ‘verse. Like, if Julian imagines Sloan, is there even anything I can do with that? Not REALLY, not unless I specifically want to write a threesome lmao, so what else can we do with it…

If he still imagines Jadzia, that gives me a couple problems. While it would obviously trigger Sloans’ jealous nature, and it would provide a good context for Sloan in guilting Julian into distancing himself from her more. HOWEVER. As far as this ‘verse goes, Sloan doesn’t really see Jadzia as much of a threat. He doesn’t think she reciprocates ANYTHING for Julian, but her friendship with him is something he dislikes… I mean, she’s a threat because she’s smart and competent and a nice person and she likes Julian as a friend, so if she notices that anything is up with Sloan and how he treats Julian, she’d intervene, yes, but…

At this stage, Sloan is still largely playing “good boyfriend”, and while he does want to create distance between Julian and everyone else for possessive personal reasons, he doesn’t actually think Julian having FRIENDS is a big problem right now, because he hasn’t done anything that he thinks would cause them to dislike him, so it’s not like he’s pulling Julian away from everyone else on a CONSCIOUS level.

On the other hand, Sloan is already annoyed by Julian’s relationship with Garak, since he perceives it as being MUTUAL. I mean, he’d have to be blind to not recognise that Julian and Garak are both attracted to each other, and that does piss Sloan off, because that’s a direct threat to his relationship with Julian, and he’s not really a sharing kind of guy.

And well, he probably does try to be cool about it most of the time, he doesn’t fully freak out over their relationship until Cardassians and he thinks that there’s absolutely gotta be something up with how ridiculously calm Julian is about having Garak in his bedroom in the middle of the night. (And his jealousy and conviction that Julian is cheating on him with Garak is indeed entirely genuine, he really does believe that, and it obviously does not make any of it better.)

So I can’t really have him imagine Garak either, because that would throw the rest of the timeline off lmao.

I could take a page from some other rewrites of the episode, and consider that because Sloan has been filling Julian’s head with weird hypotheticals about how many lives are worth losing for the sake of the greater good and Julian does (I think?) have a stated focus on pediatrics, that y’know, maybe he’s preoccupied with his own childhood that day, and in a striking horror of bad luck, he accidentally manifests a version of Jules, which causes all kinds of awful problems.

And that could slot in to Sloan’s suspicions about Julian having a deep dark secret that Sloan wants to find out for totally benign reasons… (I mean, he isn’t deliberately PLANNING to use it as a threat or blackmail or anything, he just wants to be close to his partner, y’know? And sharing secrets is part of being close to your partner and trusting them, that’s all.)

But, gah. That would involve rewriting massive, massive chunks from the episode entirely, and it would be annoyingly convulted and complicated, and it would feel kinda forced to me, like I would feel as though I were actively shoving a confrontation in where it doesn’t quite belong, instead of letting things flow more organically…

So I feel like it WOULD end up being Jadzia he imagines, as per canon, but that the atmosphere of that is changed radically instead. Julian is guilty and nervous because, well, he kind of feels like he’s sort of cheating on Sloan by imagining these things, and Sloan is ALSO one of the senior staff that gets called to Ops for that episode, so he gets to SEE Julian with an imaginary and agressively overtly sexual Jadzia hanging off him and—

Oooh, wait, wait. That version of Jadzia is pretty much constantly refusing to take no for an answer from Julian too… Sloan might well take that as implied permission to be more and more forceful because hey, apparently Julian is into that stuff, right?

Jadzia’s responses would probably be different, but not by a lot. I think she would think it’s a funny thing to tease Julian about, but she’d also be a little put off by Sloan being so agitated by it… which would contribute to her guilt later on about not realizing sooner that something was wrong in that relationship…

… There’s also the potential for what someone like Sloan would imagine as well, which quite frankly, I think if one of Sloan’s fantasies came to life, it would be, idk, something like Julian with a puppy tail butt plug in a leash and muzzle and cock cage on his knees in Sloans’ quarters, desperate to hump his masters leg.

Nobody would ever find out about that one, of course, because Sloan has SOME dignity and he’s a little in denial that he even has those kinks to begin with, so Imaginary Puppy Boy Julian stays locked in his quarters all day, and Sloan is little disappointed he’s gone by the end of it, because having had to spend the whole day watching Julian with an imaginary Jadzia slobbering all over him, he was kinda hoping he could work out some of his frustrations on the Puppy Julian instead.

It’s fine, though, since Julian clearly WANTS someone to force themselves on him, he’ll just give Julian what they both want anyway. :D

[elivanah-writes]

Gift of the gods ~2~

pairing: Paul Lahote x female!pagan!reader

Sum: y/n struggles with her feelings 

warnings: fluff, a bit angst

Yes there will be a part 3

masterlist   part 1

Ever since the day Kim and y/n had breakfast at Emily’s and had met Paul things had changed. She couldn’t really describe how but she felt it. Emily and the guys had been so welcoming to her and just accepted her into their group. It was nice, she had a harder time than others to trust people and she really felt like she could trust these people. She felt at ease like she belonged here. But she knew it wasn’t really the group that made her feel like that. It was mostly Paul. At the end of that day, Paul and she had exchanged phone numbers after they had sat on the beach talking while the rest of the guys played soccer. Even from those few hours of talking she could feel the connection between them like it just clicked between them. At first, she thought it was weird how quickly she felt at ease with him but then again not much surprised her anymore. And she had asked the gods for balance, who wasn’t to say that just like Kim had said the gods could have granted her wish in the form of a person?

The following few weeks she and Kim spend almost every day with Emily and the guys when they weren’t working. By the end of the first week, she really saw them all as friends. It was easy to say that she even had started to develop feelings for Paul, she didn’t know yet how strong those feelings were, but she had them. She knew he was interested in her too, he had even asked her on a date not long after that day on the beach. But she had to let him down, she really wanted to say yes but dating him would make leaving so much harder. And she knew a long-distance relationship was not something that would work for her. He understood, said that he’d be anything for her that she wanted, a brother or a best friend, he even kept the option of a lover open for her if she ever decided to give a relationship with him a shot. That only made her feelings for him grow. The way he talked to her, made her laugh or smile when she felt down. It was like he just knew what she needed, and he just gave it to her. 

La Push had always been her home, it seems that being back here only made that even more clear to her. Where she lived now she never had felt like she was home, even the people she had around her, her adoptive family never felt like real family to her, she only had a good relationship with her mother, she’d do everything for her. Being back where she was truly happy made her rethink everything.

It was her last week in La Push and she didn’t know how to feel, she felt torn. She wanted nothing more than to stay here and give in to whatever she was feeling for Paul. But sadly, things weren’t that easy. She had a job to go back to, her adoptive family. She couldn’t leave just like that. 

That’s how she found herself back at the beach at sunset, she had spent most of the day hanging out with Kim and Jared but she had felt like she was third-wheeling most of the time. She had muttered some lame excuse and walked the short distance to the beach where she found her usual spot and sat down. This time she wasn’t going to start a ritual, she was just going to pray to the gods. She tried to calm her racing heart as much as she could, took a few deep breaths, and cleared her mind before softly speaking.

“Make me strong in spirit, courageous in action, gentle of heart, let me act in wisdom, conquer my fear and doubts, discover my own hidden gifts, meet others with compassion, be a source of healing energy, and face each day with hope and joy” she repeated the mantra a few times until she felt completely calm and had a clear mind. She knew she could make decisions better with a clear mind. It had felt like only a few minutes had passed since she had arrived at the beach but when she looked up, she saw that the sun had gone down completely and made place for the dark night. She must have zoned out for quite some time because she could hear voices calling out for her. As fast as she could she got to her feet and slipped from behind the bushes and surely, she could see Paul and Jared walking straight at her spot calling out her name. It was like they knew she would be here.

“I’m here! Sorry, I lost track of time.” She spoke as she walked in their direction. “How did you even know that I was here?” 

“Kim told us you like to come to the beach to think so we figured that we would find you here,” Paul said as he scratched the back of his neck like he wasn’t completely sure of what he was saying. Kim never knew about her usual spot on the beach so she knew Kim couldn’t have told them, but she didn’t call him out on it. “Well, I’m taking Kim to dinner, so I need to get going if we want to be on time. See you guys later.” Jared said before taking off leaving her and Paul alone on the beach.

“Walk with me?” 

“Sure” she smiled as he held her hand and started to walk together along the shore. 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said after a long comfortable silence “I don’t really know how to start. It’ll actually sound crazy, but I need you to trust me.”

“Of course, you can tell me anything, Paul. Whatever it is, I’ll promise that I won’t judge you.” She reassured him and softly squeezed his hand letting him know he could go on.

“I don’t know if Kim ever told you about our tribe’s legends?”

 “Her parents did, I think, back when we were little. I thought those stories were amazing, how some of your tribe members are supposed to transform into these giant wolves to protect the rez, right? At least that’s what I remember, it’s been a long time since I last heard them.” She smiled as she thought back to the times that Kim’s mother tucked them into bed and told them all these stories.

“Yeah, that’s the essence of the legend. But what if I said that those aren’t just stories, what if…?” 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” she quickly says when he didn’t finish his sentence. she knew that the wolf she had seen on her first night here in La Push had seemed familiar when she thinks back to it, the wolf’s eyes had looked so much like Paul’s. And in a way she felt like she had always known, he had been the wolf that had been watching her as she did her ritual. 

“What?” Paul asked a bit confused and stopped walking to turn towards her; this wasn’t how he thought she would react. Yes, he had expected her to take it better than how most people would but this he didn’t understand.

“The day I arrived, I came to the beach and I saw two wolves. You were one of them, weren’t you?”

Paul could only stare at her in amazement. She knew, she just knew and didn’t freak out about it.

“How did you know?” He asked softly

“When we met at Emily’s I already had the feeling that we’ve met before, your eyes just seemed so familiar, and then one day when we were talking you just looked me straight in the eye and I just knew where I had seen your eyes before. It was those wolf’s eyes, it was you,” she explains with a soft smile.

“So you’re not afraid of me?”

“No, of course not. Call it strange, but I knew you’d never hurt me from the first second that I saw you. I felt a connection like it was meant to be.” 

“I’d die before I’d ever hurt you. I promise you I’ll never hurt you,” he said as he cupped her cheek with his free hand looking at her like she had hung the moon and stars in his sky. Little did she know that was exactly how he felt. The moment was so intimate that neither noticed that they started to lean into each other until their noses touched. Before Y/n really knew it soft warm lips brushed over hers and for a minute she forgot all about why she felt like a relationship with him wouldn’t work. At that moment it was only him and her and nothing else mattered but them. If she had to describe it she’d say that a bomb of butterfly’s exploded inside her belly. If she wasn’t sure about her feelings for Paul, she was now, she was in love with him. Her mind was clear, no worries, no questions, just warmth and him. She let herself be selfish for once. Pressing her lips fully against his deepening the kiss into a passionate embrace of their lips. She doesn’t know how long they stood there with one of his hands on her cheek while his other hand was still holding hers as their lips and tongues danced with each other. 

The days following that kiss felt like she went through hell, it’s not like she regretted the kiss but it had complicated things. Leaving La Push, leaving Paul was going to be one of the hardest things she needed to do. That day after he dropped her off at Kim’s place she had cried herself to sleep, mourning a life she wished she could have with Paul here in La Push. For once in her life, she disliked the fact that she had a family and a job waiting for her to come back to. The following days she stayed inside her room, silenced her phone, and kept herself busy with packing her bags. Both Paul and Kim tried to talk to her, tried to figure out what was wrong but they were met with silence. That was until Kim had enough of her sulking and just used the spare key to open her bedroom door. Kim’s heart broke a little when she saw her best friend sitting in a corner of the room with teary eyes. She just sat down next to her, pulled y/n into her embrace, and cried with her like she already knew what she was going through. 

“ Whatever you decide to do, this will always your home too y/n,” Kim said later that night when they lay on her bed before the two of them fell asleep. 

Friday had never come this quick before, all her bags were packed and loaded into Kim’s father’s truck ready to drive her to the airport. Kim’s family had wanted to throw her a goodbye party but y/n shut that down as soon as they had vocalized the idea. Instead, she just wanted to spend her last hours in La Push with them as a family. Now she sat on the edge of her bed, taking in the room for the last time when suddenly there was a knock on her already open door. She expected it would be Kim or her father, but instead, she saw Paul standing there leaning against the doorpost. When their eyes met he gave her a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes completely. He looked like he hadn’t slept more than a handful of hours in the last few days and she knew that it was probably because of her but still he smiled at her. 

“So you were leaving without saying goodbye?” He said. It was more a statement than a question.

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would be easier like that.” She softly says as she turns her eyes back to her hands.

“Why would that be easier? Please talk to me, don’t shut me out.” Paul asks as he makes his way into her room and sits down next to her. “Because it just makes leaving harder, I can’t say goodbye to you.”

“Then don’t, don’t leave. Stay here with me.” he pleads, takes one of her hands in his, and gives it a soft squeeze so she would look up at him.

When their eyes meet again he can clearly see the tears in them ready to fall. 

“ As much as I’d want to stay I can’t. Please don’t make this harder Paul,” 

As soon as she started talking the tears fell, her heart already starting to break.

“If you want to stay, then stay. We can work something out, we can work. What, what about that kiss? You can’t deny that it felt right, amazing even.” he spoke like he was getting desperate.

“Yes that kiss was amazing and felt right but it complicated everything. I really like you, a lot, but I have a life back home, people who expect me to come home.” 

“I know, I’m not asking you to give them up. I’m asking you to give me a chance, to give us a chance.” He says turning his body fully in her direction.

“Look I know this isn’t the way I wanted to tell you but there is another part of the legend that I haven’t told you yet. Every wolf has this ability to imprint. It’s when we find that one person and you look at her for the first time and suddenly it’s not gravity that holds you, it’s her. She gives the wolf balance, peace. The wolf’s whatever the imprint wants him to be, a brother, protector, a friend, or a lover. they’re soulmates.” He explains as he looks at her hopefully.

“I’m your imprint.”

It was something she already knew deep inside herself, it might not be in the same words but she knew, she felt it. He brought her balance and she had never felt more at peace and loved. That’s why it was that much harder. Soulmate or not, long-distance would never work, but then again staying wasn’t an option. She had too many people depending on her back home, she couldn’t leave them fending for themselves. She couldn’t be selfish even if she wanted to be.

“Yes, you’re my imprint.” He smiled weakly as she just cried a bit harder than she already was and without thinking he pulled her against his chest. He knew he couldn’t force her to stay so his heart broke together with hers. He understood why she was leaving and couldn’t stay. But you couldn’t fault a man for trying, he wanted what’s best for and if that was not here with him then he had to let her go.

“Can we at least stay friends, stay in touch?” he asked her while a tear of his own fell.

tags:

@its-la-push   @ghostmistwalker @bisexualcrazybeans @fatiguing-thoughts @pawfect-melody

[aquariuscurly94]

Behind the Dark Sunglasses

Summary: All Wally wants to do is to enjoy his time with his handsome boyfriend Nightwing. However, he can't stand his dark sunglasses and truly wants to know who he truly is because he is dying to know what color his eyes were. Will he finally tell him?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the DC or the YJ universe!!! Just the plot lol.

AN: I am back with another Birdlfash fic!! Gosh, I just fucking love these two togetherrrrrrr and I hope that you guys will enjoy this little beauty. Sadly it is not smutyyyyy but there is somewhat sexual content in here lol. 

Wally West has no idea if heaven is even real but hey, he lives in a world with superheroes and he’s one of them, so anything is possible at this point these days. Right now, at this moment, this feels like he’s in heaven. “Fuck,” he muttered through grounded teeth, throwing his head back and closed his green eyes and used a hand to grab a fist full of dark hair that was between his legs. “Babe. Shit.”

He heard a low chuckle that he knows all too well and had opened one eye to see his raven-haired boyfriend stroking his member with a hand as he smirked up at the older speedster above him. “Enjoying this?” he asked him, using another hand to push up his dark sunglasses that he would always wear whenever he’s not in his Nightwing uniform.

Wally bit his lower lip so he could focus the warm touch that was on him, frowning when he had looked down at the younger hero’s face or what he could see because of his stupid sunglasses. He sighed. “I would be enjoying it a lot more if I could see your eyes, Nightwing,” he said with a sigh.

 He watched Nightwing move away from his legs and knew that the moment between them had ended because of what he had said. The two heroes were silent as he had put himself back into his boxers and jeans that he was wearing, watching Nightwing walking over to sit in his desk chair with a deep frown on his face. “Wing…” he started, running a hand through his short red hair.

 “You know why I can’t tell you.”

 Wally rolled his forest orbs with a snort and leaned back on his bed until his back touched the headboard. “Yea. I know. It’s because of Batman and his stupid rules. I just thought… that since…never mind. Forget it.”

 Neither of them said anything after a while and Wally watched the younger hero fiddling over his computer that was attached to his watch and Wally sighed. “I’m sorry for ruining things.”

 Nightwing turned Wally’s desk chair around to stare at his older boyfriend as he folded his arms over his chest. “You didn’t. You have no idea how much I want to tell you about me,” he said with a quiet sigh, threading his fingers through his short black hair.

 “Can’t you just simply ask him if it is okay? I mean, I told you since the first day The Team was formed,” Wally reminded him in a matter-of-fact tone, shaking his head as he leaned off the headboard and crawled over to the edge of the bed. “I just…” he blushed before continuing. “I just want to see what’s behind those dark sunglasses, especially if things were to get heated again.”

 The younger man that was across from the speedster cleared his throat and shifted in his seat nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know Wally. It’s just…” Nightwing paused as he tried to think of a way to explain the situation. “It’s complicated with him. Even if I do try and talk to him it’s still going to be a no.”

 Wally studied him for a moment, trying to decide if he truly believes in what he was saying to him. Wally truly understands that the Dark Knight has strict rules when it’s about revealing their secret identity. Heck, he remembers asking his uncle if he knew who Batman truly was and even he didn’t know. He could understand the hesitation of revealing it to him. It makes him slightly wonder if there’s more to it than just the rule that Batman had created.

 “There isn’t something else is there? Perhaps another reason as to why I haven’t seen your eyes yet?” The speedster asked slowly, watching his boyfriend’s shoulders tensed up at the question. “There is… isn’t there?”

 “If people find out who we are… our enemies can use that against the people that we tell.” Nightwing told him, knowing that it was half the truth in his words. He truly wishes that Wally would drop it and they could go back to what they were doing before. However, he knows how persistent his boyfriend can be at times and he also know that he won’t drop it unless he gets a real answer.

 Wally leaned forward on the bed and stared at the younger hero, wishing that he could see what kind of facial expression he was making. He honestly wonders if his eyes were blue, or green or heck hazel. “I understand that babe,” he told him. “But I believe that there’s more to it than that. Am I right?” he asked, hiking a brow at him.

 Nightwing didn’t answer him right away and Wally knew that he was right after all. Wally nibbled at his lower lip, trying to think of a way to break the awkward silence that had followed between them. “At least tell me that you’re not a serial killer,” he says in a joking manner and his upper lip curled up when his boyfriend scoffed at him. “That’s not really an answer. I gotta know what I’m dealing with here.”

 “No, Wally. I am definitely not a serial killer,” Nightwing told him with a shake of his head. “It’s just…” There was a pause. “I don’t want you to think differently about me if you were to discover my identity,” he said to him honestly as he took a deep breath.

 Wally stared at him with wide eyes and got up from his bed to kneel in front of Nightwing. He used his thumb to lift his chin and even though he was wearing sunglasses, he knew that he was staring directly into his green eyes. “Even if you are a serial killer. It wouldn’t change the way that I feel about you, Nightwing. You can trust me. I know that I am an annoying speedster who likes to eat a lot and don’t know when to shut my mouth at times, but I do know on how to shut the fuck up when I need to. Just tell Batman that okay? Maybe then he can finally let you tell me because I am so dying to know what color your eyes are,” he leaned in to give Nightwing a chaste kiss on his lips. “I love you. So damn much.”

 Wally knows that it was rare for Nightwing to cry and when he saw a train of tears flowing from his sunglasses, he gently wipes them off with his fingers. “I love you too, Wally and…” Wally froze when he watched Nightwing reached up with shaky fingers to slowly take off his sunglasses. “And I want—”

 Wally reached up with his hands to stop Nightwing from removing them. “Babe, I don’t want you to get into trouble. If he finds out…”

 “Didn’t you just tell me a moment ago that you know when to shut the fuck up when you need to?”

 Wally pressed his lips together in a thin line and rolled his eyes at him. “Yes. But we both know how Batman is. He’s gonna know that you—”

 A pair of lips made Wally stop talking and he had moaned when Nightwing’s teeth had bit his lower lip to open it so his tongue to slip inside his mouth. Wally placed a hand onto his chest to gently push him away and licked his lips. “Are you absolutely sure you want to go against Batman’s orders?” he asked breathlessly, gulping when he saw Nightwing’s hands reached up to touch the handles of his sunglasses. “Wing.”

 Neither of them said anything to each other as Nightwing slowly took off his dark sunglasses and Wally squinted his eyes as he tried to figure out why his eyes were close and why the heck he had looked so familiar even though he has not seen his eyes yet. “You can back out anytime. I won’t be mad,” he promised him in a reassuringly way.

 “No. I want to do this. Just…don’t freak out, okay?”

 Wally cocked his head to the side in confusion by his comment and was about ask him what he had meant by that, but his question was caught in throat when Nightwing had finally open his eyes and Wally’s whole body froze when he did.

 Blue. His eyes were blue.

 It was so blue, Wally thought he was staring into an ocean and the more he stared into them deeply he was finding himself lost in them and honestly, he wouldn’t mind being lost in them and the more he had studied his boyfriend’s face the more he realized as to why he had looked so familiar to him. He had to blink several times in order to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him and even rubbed them just in case.

 “R-Richard Grayson? You’re—You’re—"

 “Actually… I prefer to be called Dick Grayson,” Dick corrected, clearing his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He sat still in the desk chair when Wally continued to stare at him in shock. “Wally—” he started, trying to come up a way to make this whole Secret Identity Reveal less awkward.

 “It makes sense,” Wally interrupted him, eyeing him up and down. “As to why the Dark Knight was so harsh on the whole ID thing…which means,” his mouth fell open as the pieces fell into place the more he had thought he had thought about it. “No way…”

 Dick Grayson knew what his older boyfriend was smart and that he had figured out the reason by himself but waited until he had said the words before saying anything else. He sucked in a deep breath when wide green eyes met his blue ones and knew what was coming next when he had opened his mouth again.

 “Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

 Wally watched Dick nod at him slightly and Wally’s mouth made a O shape in shock and Dick sucked in another deep breath as he waits for him to speak again. “You really have pretty eyes, Dick.”

 Dick blinked several times as he processed as to what the redheaded speedster just said. He was confused about his statement. Shouldn’t he be more concerned about more important matter at hand? “Is that the only thing that matters right now?” he asked, hiking up a brow at him.

 Wally scratched the top of his head as he shrugged his shoulders. “I mean did you want me to freak out over the fact that the billionaire is freaking Batman and that you’re Nightwing?” he asked him, cocking his head to the side when Dick’s shoulders stiffen. The speedster shook his head. “Because I don’t care about that kind of stuff. You know me better than that.” Wally walked closer to where Dick was at his desk and leaned in closer to him when he had brought his face closer to his. “You could be a stripper and I would still love you.”

 Dick rolled his sapphire eyes at him. “You’re such a—"

 “Sap?” Wally suggested, wiggling his eyebrows when the raven-haired hero snorted at him. He cleared his throat and leaned in to brush his nose against his boyfriend. “I’m being for real though. I would still love you. No matter what, babe.”

 “I know,” Dick said with a huge blush on his face. “And I also love you too. Thank you for accepting me.”

 “I will always accept you. Don’t forget that. Ever.”

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 14 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (13)

Next part (15) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Hunt and Destroy

“Alright... A lot of new words and names...” You mutter, looking at the floor between your feet. It's late now, and Eleven has been talking for over an hour. The story is long and you had to stop her to ask a few questions. More than a few, actually. Everything sounds like a very strange story, the weirdest, something nobody could come up with. To prove it, Eleven turned the TV on with her mind, skipping through the channels before turning it off again. But you didn't need any proof. You know what you saw and it was very, very real. “Upside down, Demodog, Demodorden...”

“Demogorgon. With a G.” Dustin corrects you, smiling. How can he be smiling?

“Demogorgon, ok.” Nodding, you take a deep breath and stand up. “So... What's the plan?” You ask, pacing around the living room.

“Well, we need to gather the whole party for this,” Max says and the others nod.

“I'll talk to my mom and Hopper,” Jonathan speaks out. “We have to do this as soon as possible so... tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Can it be here?” You're not sure if you can make this demand, but right now, being anywhere else after dark is too much. The sunlight is your protection since it's deadly to the... Demo-something. It burns them. They like it cold, said Eleven.

“Sure.” Jonathan answers and you offer him a small smile in return. “Could it be by five? Before the sunset.”

“Yeah. We can sneak out of the pool again.” It shouldn't be a problem, and if Anthony is there, you could pretend to be sick.

“Tomorrow is our day off.” Billy reminds and you take a deep breath, running a hand through your hair. You completely forgot that.

“By the morning them. Maybe we'll get something figured out we can start working on through the rest of the day.” Mike suggests and the whole party agrees. “We should get going though. It's late.” Mike gets up from his spot on the floor.

“Wait.” Mike can't possibly be for real now. “You're not gonna head home now. With those things out there.” They're getting closer to the town, and it means they'll hang around all night. “It's dangerous. You should stay.”

Most of them agree easily, chattering among them. Max seems excited, but Mike exchanges a look with Nancy. “I don't think our mother would let us crash at Billy's place.” She says with an apologetic look.

“Oh.” You know why. Billy told you where he was going to when the Mind Flayer almost got him... Or better saying, who he was going to meet. Mrs. Wheeler. You did felt weird back then, and it sure makes you feel weird now, but whatever he did before, you left it where it belongs. In the past. “Just call and tell her you'll be crashing at my place.”

“Yeah, man. C'mon. Slumber party.” Dustin cheers, smiling, and once again you can't understand why they aren't terrified. Guess they're just used to it. But how can someone get used to monsters lurking around?

“Alright, then.” Mike agrees, making his way to the phone.

“They didn't get it yet,” Billy whispers in your ear.

“They didn't get it.” Repeating, you wrap your arms around his neck. “I'm really trying not to freak out right now.” The words come out of your mouth, rolling out your tongue.

“Let's go to the bedroom so you can rest and we can talk.”

“Ok...”

“Alright. It's done.” Mike comes back with his sister, gesturing at the front door. “Should we get going?”

You and Billy exchange a look. They really didn't get it. “Uhm... So that's it, guys.” You start, taking Billy's hand and pulling him with you. “You can crash either here or Max's room. First to wake up makes breakfast.”

“Wait. You made me lie to my mom?” Mike asks as you move further into the hall.

“(Y/N) is living here.” Max ends the mystery, and you can feel her massive eye roll.

“Holy shit.” You hear Dustin and Steve mumbling as you get inside the room.

Billy lets you shower first, and as you wait for him, you look through his college books. Everything seems very complicated. Your fingers run through one of the pages, taking in the many numbers, but not really reading anything. Your mind is too far away right now. The scene keeps playing back, over and over. The... Demodog, as the kids call it, its face opening up, the guttural noises it made. You wish it was just a nightmare, but everything seems very, very real.

Billy's sudden touch makes you suck in a sharp breath, shaking a little. “Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.” The feeling is quickly replaced by the usual warmth he makes you feel. Safety and comfort.

“It's ok, I'm just... How is it possible that the kids seem to be so fine with it?” Turning around, you lay your head on his chest as he pulls you close.

“They've been through a lot. They know how to deal with it and you don't have to participate if you don't want to.” Billy touches your face, fingers caressing the soft skin of your jaw. “I'll do anything to keep you safe, you know that right?”

You do. But staying out would not only make you a coward, but it would mean one less person to help them do whatever they're planning to. And, whatever this thing is, it had a part in messing with Billy's life. With Max's life, and all her friends. It's kind of personal. And, if Billy is in danger, you want to be there to make sure you'll do anything to save him. “I want to do it. I just need time to... Process everything.”

“You won't be alone. And I'm not talking only for myself, but for everyone else too.”

“Ok.”

“Now come. You need to get some sleep.” Billy pulls you to the bed, and, instead of laying beside him as usual, you decide to crawl on top of him.

“Am I crushing you?” You ask as you lay your head on his chest, smiling to feel his strong arms around you.

“Haven't you noticed the weight I can lift? You're nothing compared to it.”

Closing your eyes, you feel as he places a kiss on the top of your head. You've never been like that with Billy, literally on top of him, and it's good. Today, more than ever, you need to feel safe. Protected. And he's the only one who makes you feel this way. “I'm so happy we don't have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Me too.”

Pulling yourself up, you move upwards until your face is close to his. “Do you think the kids are talking about us?” Despite your mind being apparently stuck reminiscing the same moment, the terror in your chest, you try to change the subject. Hopefully, it'll keep you from having nightmares tonight.

“I'm sure of it.” As he speaks, a noise of glass shattering reaches us. “Max!” Billy yells at the top of his lungs, startling you. “What the hell!”

“Stop yelling.” You giggle, playfully slapping his shoulder.

“Just a glass, Billy,” Maxine answers from somewhere in the house.

“Better clean this shit up!” He shouts again.

“Shut up!” You whine, lowering yourself on him a little. “Or else I'll have to make you and it won't be nice.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, that usual smirk making its way to his lips. “Oh, and how exactly wouldn't it be nice?”

Yeah, you didn't really give much thought before making the threat. “Okay then.” Smirking, you close the distance between you until your lips are brushing on his before you sit up abruptly, a hand covering his mouth. “See? I told you it wouldn't be nice.” He opens his mouth under your hand, and you feel his teeth biting your skin. “Billy!” You complain, taking your hand away from his mouth. “I can't believe you bit me, you jerk.”

“You got what you deserved.” He suddenly pulls you down, making you lay next to him. “Now, quit playing around and sleep, princess. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

“Kiss me goodnight then. To keep the bad dreams away.” You ask him softly, melting into the slow, warm kiss he gives you.

It doesn't help with the nightmares though. Twice that night you wake up, a breath caught in your throat. You struggle not to let Billy notice, snuggling closer to him.

You're more than happy when morning finally comes. The house is so damn loud, and breakfast in a mess. You like it though, the craziness distracting you from yesterday's events. The rest of the party is here by nine, thanks to the urgency of the matter. And then, after everyone is fed up and the dishes are clean, which took half an hour since nobody wanted to do it, everyone sits in the living room to talk.

And you just can't seem to keep up with it. The boys speak fast, Hopper yells, Joyce tries to calm him down, he argues with Eleven, which is like his daughter, you got that, and then he argues with Mike. Nancy and Jonathan always check with each other before saying something, Steve always finds the flaws on the kids' plans, pointing out the many ways it could go wrong, and Dustin often gets into some kind of argument with him. There are a hundred different ways things could go wrong. A thousand ways you could die. Running a hand through your hair, you hold onto Billy's biceps, laying your head on his shoulder. You're the only one who didn't say anything since the conversation started. There's just nothing you can help them with, you'll just stick up to whatever plan they have.

What they know for sure that these Demodogs are here because some of them must have been left behind in some kind of incubation period until it started growing again.

“So that's it. Hunt and destroy.” Lucas says, nodding to himself.

“Yes. We don't know exactly how much time we have until they start going full Demogorgon, so we should start acting now.” Mike states. “Immediately.”

As if something was lit up, everyone starts moving. “My place in one hour, everyone,” Hopper says and suddenly the crowd disperses, the house once again silent.

You're still in the same place you were, on the couch, legs crossed, eyes on the floor. “Hey. You ok?”

“Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, you stand up. “So. Hopper's place. One hour.” Saying this more to yourself than to him, you get up and pace around the living room. “Should we take the baseball bat?”

“Steve has one far more fun than that. You'll like it.” You can tell Billy is keeping his voice nice and soft, trying not to push you over the edge with everything that's going on. “(Y/N), you don't have to go. You know that, right?”

“I do. But I'm going anyway.” Walking over him, you tiptoe to place a kiss on his lips. “Those kids are so brave. I don't want them to think I'm the weak link.”

“Alright, but we stick together. No exceptions.”

“I agree.” It does make you feel a lot better.

In the next hour, you and Billy shower and get ready. You make sure to wear short jeans and a light shirt so you won't feel too hot. The plan is trying to find the Demodog's nest. This part has to be made during the daylight, to make sure no attacks will happen, so you have no choice but to walk around the woods under the sun. Billy makes sure to shove a lot of water on his backpack, using literally every bottle he found in the house. And Max gathers some snacks for the day.

You reach Hopper's place at the same time Nancy, Jonathan, and Mike does, realizing it's also Joyce's place. The party is gathered in front of the house, a big map of Hawking on the ground. Beside it, a pile of some random stuff that you guess will be the... Weapons you'll use. Just in case.

Hopper is the one to assign everyone a place to start, the area they'll have to cover, and where they'll have to stop. There are lines drawn over the map, and you hope Billy has everything memorized because you don't even know where is where. Then, the groups are separated. Billy of course says he'll take you and Max. And Lucas, much to his dismay, will come along too. When people start taking stuff from the pile, you immediately get what Billy mentioned earlier. There's a baseball bat with nails on the top. Smiling, you take it.

“That's so badass.” You mutter, looking at Billy. “This will be my weapon of choice.”

“Hey. That's mine.” Steve exclaims, reaching out his hand.

“Not anymore, buddy.” You sass at him, swinging the bar and hitting the air.

“But–”

“She's good with the bat, trust me,” Maxine says and you nod. Some people have an interrogation on their faces, and Steve keeps staring at the three of you, as if waiting for further explanation.

“We have an inside joke.” Lowering the bat, you turn to look at Billy.

“Restricted to the Hargrove family,” Billy states, taking one the radios from the pile and starting the make his way to the car. “And Max.”

“But what about me?” You feel a little set aside by his affirmation, wondering what he meant. It's impossible that he's ignoring the fact that you were there that day. “I'm in the joke too.” Whining a little on purpose, you follow him.

“You still only notice half of things.” Billy winks at you as he gets inside the car, and after Max and Lucas get in the back seat, you get in as well. “I know you know what I meant.”

“Maybe I didn't.” Billy has this way with you. You were expecting the first sensations to fade, but they didn't. He still makes you nervous, the butterflies on your stomach doesn't seem to grow immune to him. And part of you is still scared of the things you think he means. You did got what he said, but it's safer to just pretend you didn't, right?

The short drive is filled with chattering. The kind of chattering you didn't want to hear since it's all about the Demothings. You stop by the woods, and Max and Lucas will be the ones responsible for the map since they have a compass.

And so the ‘hunting’ starts. You're glad it's not a real hunt though. You remember when you invited Billy for a trail with your friends, but walking through the woods feels different now. Before, you had only the normal wild animals to worry about, not some monsters that came out of the gates of hell. But you try to keep in mind that the sunlight means protection, so you'll safe. For now.

“Billy, can you make sure we'll have enough daylight to make the way back to the car?” You ask him, putting your hair up on a ponytail.

“I will, don't worry.” He moves closer, taking your hand in his. “We'll be ok. Just focus on trying to find anything unusual in the woods.”

“Sure.”

Billy doesn't let go of your hand until you stop to eat something. Lucas and Max start arguing a lot when you resume your walking, complaining about the directions. Billy is clearly pissed, not very fond of the idea of his little sister dating. It's cute the way he keeps staring at the young couple, paying attention to whatever they're saying. You wonder if Billy ever thought about having kids.

Wait. What the hell? Step back, you tell yourself. Too soon for that.

At some point, a fresh breeze starts blowing, and you couldn't be more thankful for it. Letting your hair down, you run a hand through it out of nervousness.

“I'm telling you, we have to go West now,” Lucas says.

“Yes. First West then North.” Maxine takes the map from his hands, taking a look at it. “It's obvious if you think about it. Just look. Try using your head for a moment.”

“Are you calling me dumb?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, both of you.” Billy intervenes, his voice with a tiny hint of anger. “Will you two make a goddman decision or will I have to?”

This will be interesting. Billy and you have been walking a couple of feet behind them, so as he moves ahead, you stand there, crossing your arms. The breeze brings a soft sound, that looks like the sound the pools make when it's windy. Following it, you spot water, only about ten feet away. Leaving the guys behind to their fights, you make your way there, making sure there are no big trees hiding you from their sight. When you get there, you bend down, putting one hand on the freshwater.

“(Y/N)!” It's Billy's usual yell, the one he always uses to scare the shit out of you. “Do you want to give me a heart attack?” When you turn around to look at him, he's already close by, Maxine and Lucas coming right after.

“Sorry, but I found this lake.”

“Lover's lake,” Max says, sitting down on a rock, eyes on the map.

“Lover's lake?” You repeat, crossing your arms and looking at Billy. “Why haven't you ever brought me here?” By the name, you think it would be a nice romantic date. And you remember by what you saw on the map, the lake is shaped like a heart, the reason for the name.

“Oh, you're new here. Sometimes it slips my mind.” He puts he bag down, safely away from where the small ripples reach. “People usually come here to... You know. So I thought that if I brought you and then you found out what really happens here you'd come to the wrong conclusion about my feelings for you.”

That's a very good explanation. And it makes you feel... Special. Different. “Thank you, then. For... Having this in mind.” As you speak, you take off your white shoes, all dusted by now.

“What are you doing?” He asks, an eyebrow raised when you look up at him, using his arm for balance to take off the other shoe.

“I'm using the Lover's Lake to something else than making out.” You start walking backwards, into the water.

“Whoa, look at what (Y/N)'s doing,” Lucas says, and you give them a glance. Max giggles, putting the map down.

“Try to drown Billy, would you?”

“I'll do my best.” When you stare back at Billy, he's already in the water.

You move back until your feet stop touching the bottom, so you start swimming further away. The freshwater is a blessing, washing the hot day from your skin. For a moment, you decide to leave the worries behind, just for a couple of minutes. Billy is quick to reach you, and you're suddenly aware of the kids staring. “We have an audience, keep that in mind.” You tell him when he pulls you close, strong arms encircling your waist.

“Were you ever kissed underwater?”

“No.” Your smirk matches his as you take a deep breath and push yourself down.

The kiss is a mess. You have to focus on holding your breath through the process, what makes you laugh, throwing bubbles on Billy's face. You manage to reach the bottom, your back hitting the rocks as Billy floats on top of you. But eventually, the oxygen you were saving is over, so you push him away and swim back up, laughing when you reach the surface.

“What a chaos.” You burst out when he comes back up as well. “We suck at underwater kisses.”

“I think I swallowed some water,” Billy says, coughing a little.

It only makes you laugh harder, removing the hair glued to your face. Swimming closer to him, you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Hey! Mr. and Mrs. Hargrove! Let's get moving!” Lucas shouts, making you roll your eyes.

You burst into laugh again when Billy flings you over his back, carrying you back to land.

And the walking restarts, with Max and Lucas constantly arguing and Billy trying to make them stop. The good thing is that it distracts you. And the bad part is that it distracts you from searching around for any signs of a Demothing nest. Your eyes scan through the woods, among the trees, looking for–.

“Holy shit!” Lucas exclaims and then he jolts away, running, followed by Max. You and Billy exchange a look before rushing after them.

Before you can ask what was that, you see it. A huge hole on the solid ground. It would fit a car in it. The thing goes down, in a slope, and then it keeps going until it makes a turn left. It's clear it doesn't belong to any kind of wild animal. It's not natural. A low, guttural low snarl reaches your ears, and you involuntary gives step back.

“Call them. Them then we found it.” Lucas says, taking a pencil and making a mark on the map.

The moment Max takes the small radio, you hear static. “Everyone listen up.” Steve says, more voices talking behind him. “We found it. A freaking hole in the ground. It has to be–”

“That's it.” Eleven's voice cuts him off. “We found it too.”

It was supposed to be just one.

“What?” Steve asks.

“Head back now. Everyone.” Hopper says and Max turns the radio off.

This is far worse than you thought.

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks

[avengerscompound]

The Surrogate - Chapter 14

The Surrogate:  A Clintasha Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Word Count:  1774

Rating:  E

Warnings:  Pregnancy

Synopsis: A freak end of the world incident leads to meeting your two best friends, Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff.  While your friendship with the two Avengers is anything but conventional, they are your all-time favorite people.  When you find out that Clint and Natasha want to start a family but have exhausted all their options, you realize your powerset might allow you to give them what they want.  Having your best friends’ baby might seem like a good idea on paper, but when you are as close as you, Clint, and Natasha are, will doing something so intimate mean feelings get a little mixed up?

Chapter 14

“What about Yelena?”  Natasha suggested.  You and Clint looked around from your spots around what was becoming the baby’s nursery.  Clint was painting the walls in a shade of lavender that the paint chart called ‘Instigate’.  You had been working on the trims while Natasha prepped one wall for the mural that Steve had agreed to paint.  You weren’t sure if she was just particularly active today or the paint fumes were bothering her, but the baby was kicking you a lot and you were starting to consider taking a break.

“What about Yelena for what?”   Clint asked.  “You’re not inviting her here are you?”

Natasha started laughing.  “You love Yelena, stop pretending.”

“She’s terrifying, Nat,” Clint argued.

“I’m terrifying - you love me,” Natasha teased.

Clint put down his paint roller and approached her slowly, he circled his arms around her waist and pulled her in close.  “Yeah I do,” he said and brought his lips to hers.

There were moments like this that made you a little jealous.  Not because of the affection.  That you got from them fine.  Clint was a human koala while Natasha tended to be a little touch adverse, so you usually had Clint clinging to you.  It was the history you were jealous of.  They knew so much about each other.  There were in-jokes you weren’t privy to and stories you’d never heard.  Even though you’d known them for so long, there were still things to learn and you wondered how you were ever really going to catch up with the level they were already at.

“Who’s Yelena?”  You asked when Natasha pulled back from the kiss.

“She’s my sister,” she replied, pulling away from Clint completely and going back to painting the undercoat on the wall.

“Sister?  But I thought… the Red Room…”

“Yes,” Natasha said without looking up from her work.  “The girls I was raised with, we were raised as sisters.”

“Not in a healthy loving family way,” Clint clarifies.  “But you take what you can get, right, Nat?”

“Yes, you do,” Natasha confirmed.  “Not too many of us survived it.  Yelena did.  We were close.”

“You might get to meet her sometime if you’re lucky,” Clint said. “Just be glad you’ve got that healing thing.  She can be a little stabby.  And shooty.  And bitey.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you said.  “How come I never heard about her before?”

“Probably for the same reason I’ve never told you that my brother has tried to kill me before,” Clint explained.  “Don’t like to go over the complicated relationship that is the sibling who might as soon kill you as hug you.”

Natasha gave a little shrug.  “I only bring her up now because it might be a nice name for the baby.”

It felt like you’d been winded.  Here you were planning to have a life with these people and you realized you barely knew them.  You knew all about their lives now of course -  but before SHIELD?  There were just odd things here and there in the middle of a sea of nothing.  Yet they seemed to know everything about each other.  How could you ever fit in with them if you never knew them and you were always the third?

“I’m just going to grab a drink,” you said, putting your brush down.  “Do either of you want anything?”

Both Clint and Natasha turned and looked at you.  It was that look that told you they knew exactly what your mind had just done and you weren’t fooling anyone.

“Okay, dorogáya,” Natasha said, putting her hands on her hips.  “We’re going to let you go get your drink and put your mind in order, and then you’re gonna tell us what just happened in your head.”

You huffed and nodded.  “Fine.”

As you left the room Clint started laughing.  You hadn’t planned to keep your thought processes from them.  Being in a polyamorous and open relationship meant that trust and communication were the only way any of it would to work.  Like Natasha had said, you just needed to step away from them to process the jealous/unworthy feeling you had.

You made yourself a lemonade and when you came back out to the living room, Clint and Natasha were waiting on the couch.  Clint had purple paint on his clothes, arms, and a little on his face, while Natasha was perfectly clean.  With Clint’s big goofy grin and Natasha’s serious scowl, they were so perfectly them.

“Okay, babe, what did we do?”  Clint asked.

“Nothing,” you huffed, collapsing into the recliner.

“It wasn’t nothing,” Natasha reasoned.  “I said about naming the baby Yelena and you looked like I slapped you in the face.  Was it the name?  Did you have a name you haven’t told us?”

You shook your head.  “No.  It’s not that at all.  You could go; Katherine Yelena; Yelena Katherine - you could name her Number 16 Bus Station if you wanted,” you said.

Clint snorted.  “What the hell?”

“It was a kid’s name, look it up,” you said.  “Later.  The problem is, you guys… you know everything about me, and everything about each other.  But you literally just told me you both told me a big secret about your siblings.  What else don’t I know?  I just worry that I’m going to be playing catch up and that I’m never going to be as close as you are.”

“Dorogáya,” Natasha said, patting the couch between her and Clint.  “Come here.”  You moved between them and Clint wrapped his arm around you while Natasha took your hand.  “Darling, our pasts are dark.  We don’t talk about them not because we don’t love you or we don’t want you to know about us, but because it’s painful and we don’t like thinking about it.  Think about the things we have told you, they can be very dark, no?”

You thought back to the stories of the Red Room and their training program, the crime at the circus, the small amounts about both their physical and mental abuse that they both endured growing up - it was dark and it made your heart break and you wanted to wrap them both in blankets and protect them from the world that had hurt them so much.  So if they hadn’t told you something, it was likely very dark.  “Right, of course,” you said, feeling slightly ashamed.

“Babe,” Clint soothed, rubbing your back.  “We aren’t keeping things from you, we just haven’t brought all that up.  We probably don’t know everything about each other yet.  If you want to know, you can ask, right, Nat?”

Natasha nodded.  “Of course.  I want you to know me.”

“Part of the fun is learning though, don’t you think?”  Clint asked.  “We’ve got plenty of stories to tell you.  You wanna hear one of the ones where my brother tried to kill me?  He’s done that a bunch of times.  One time it was in a funhouse with a mirror maze.  That was fun.”

You leaned against him.  “Just tell me one thing each.”

“Okay, what do you want to know?”  He asked.

“Why did he try to kill you?”  You asked.

Clint shrugged.  “He got a shit hand in life.  I mean we both did, but I was at least given a chance to be good at something other than crime.  He wasn’t.  There came a time where the people that raised us wanted us to rob a bank.  I turned them in.  He never really forgave me for it,”  Clint explained.  “So even though he’s tried to kill me and he stole a whole fuck load of money from me, I do actually love him.”

“Damn,” you said, patting his thigh.

“And what was your question for me?”  Natasha asked.

“If Yelena is so ‘stabby’ why would you want to name your daughter after her?”  You asked.

“Because she deserved to have a life with a family that loved her and protected her,” Natasha answered.  “And maybe I can give that to her niece.”

You smiled, though tears pricked your eyes.  “I can understand that.”

“Now is that it?”  Natasha asked.  “Do you still doubt that we love you?”

You shook your head.  “No, I know you do.”

“You gotta say it back,” Clint said.

You laughed softly and took each of their hands.  “I love you.  Both of you.”

“Good, now can we go back to being all happy and in love?  I like that part best,” Natasha asked.

You nodded and leaned into her, your lips slightly parted.  She bridged the distance and her tongue traced over the corner of your mouth before her lips pressed against yours.  It was soft but deep and you hummed gently.  Clint ran his hands around your waist and over your stomach.  The baby was still kicking and as his palms pressed against the swell of your belly he gasped.

“Woah, was that… is she kicking?”  He asked.

Natasha pulled back quickly and looked down at your stomach.  “You felt her?”

“I think… did I?”  Clint said.

“She’s kicking,” you confirmed.  “I just… figured you still wouldn’t be able to feel.”

You moved his hand and pressed to your side.  “Here?”

It was another moment before she kicked again. Clint’s eyes went wide.  “That?  That was her?”

“Yes!”  You squealed.  “I can’t believe you can feel her.”

“Let me,” Natasha said, pushing Clint’s hand away.  You held her hand in place waiting for the little flutter against your side you’d gotten so used to.  When she kicked a huge smile spread over Natasha’s face and she crouched down so her face was closer to your belly.  “Hey there, lisichka,” she cooed.  “Are you a busy girl?”

You hummed as you watched her, and played with a loose strand of her hair.  Clint moved to the floor next to her and the two of them spoke to the baby like it was already here.  It was funny how quickly the mood could change, where a moment ago you felt so outside and now you felt like the center of things.  Maybe that’s just how it was when you shared your heart with two other people.  Focus shifted, but it didn’t, things happened at varying speeds, the bonds between each other were different, it didn’t mean that anyone was loved less.  It just meant they were loved differently.  That was okay.  There was a lot of it to go around.  Clint and Natasha had been starved of it and now they had chosen to share it with you.  You were lucky really, not many people could say they had that.

// NEXT

[amazonworrier]

Brittany is terrified of the dark. The first time they stay over at Santana’s house (alternatively, while camping, staying at a hotel or anywhere you’d like), they forget a nightlight / there’s a powercut . Santana finds them in a mess, in the dark.

This went somewhere I was not expecting. Oops...

Santana Lopez has a lot of fears. She fears rejection, failure, heartbreak, pigeons… She's afraid of handmade puppets that look eerily too much like her, sleeping through her alarm on a work day, Rachel Berry during awards season or Kurt Hummel the night before a MET Gala.  She fears being judged for who she is, or who she isn't, and has to be reassured up to three times a week that the recurring nightmare she has about losing her voice on stage probably won’t ever come true. It’s quite funny actually. To the rest of the world, Santana Lopez is tough. Untouchable.

Brittany knows better.

If anyone asks, Brittany will say she isn’t afraid of anything either, which is another thing that secretly scares Santana. Brittany will readily jump out of a plane, weave through traffic in stilettos, or even offer coffee to a wild bear if the opportunity arises… Their friends watch on in abject horror while she does things they’d never dream of doing, because fear has always been more of a minor inconvenience for Brittany than anything else. Most things are more exhilarating than they are scary. There is, of course, one exception to that rule.

She’s absolutely terrified of the dark.

Santana first discovers this deep, well-concealed truth of her’s during cheer camp of their freshman year. They were making out in the woods when Brittany’s flashlight died and, well, she kind of freaked out. She may also have cut her face after tripping over a fallen tree branch, and Santana had to clean her up (unrelated). It was embarrassing, but Santana had been really gentle with her, in a way she never really was with other people. Brittany vividly remembers it being the first time she felt those butterflies in her stomach that she later learned to call love.

They told no one of the incident, and Brittany’s crippling fear of the dark remained her and Santana’s little secret forever. That is, until the Great New York Blackout of 2022, which is what Brittany has literally just decided she’s going to call this awful moment in time they are living through right now. Because the power has been out for a while now, and… well, Brittany’s just remembered she’s not alone.

His name is Lincoln Lopez-Pierce.

They weren’t meant to have kids, and technically they didn’t have Lincoln, so much as they bumped into him at an orphanage two years ago, while Santana and Rachel were midway through another one of their hair-brained schemes to generate some good PR together. The two of them still have a tendency to be at each other’s throats a lot. It’s half the reason the public are so obsessed with them, but sometimes it gets taken too far and they have to ‘play nice’ for a while. The peace never lasts, but that’s fine too. Apparently, when the Tony award winning Broadway star clashes with the Grammy award winning pop singer, ticket sales go up for all involved. Brittany’s starting to suspect they’re feuding on purpose.

Anyway, not the point. The point is, Santana went to an orphanage one day and came home with a four year old kid.

Well, actually, it’s a little more complicated than that. Except, not really, because adoption is a lot easier when the Vice President of the United States happens to be the very same woman who paid for your honeymoon. But that’s also beside the point.

The point is that Brittany and Lincoln Lopez-Pierce are currently trapped in a dark living room because the power went out twenty minutes ago, and she’s doing her absolute best not to let their kid know how much she is freaking the fuck out right now.

“Did you find a flashlight yet?” comes Lincoln’s voice. He sounds brave, because he’s always had to be. But there’s an audible waver. He’s nervous.

“No,” Brittany answers calmly. It’s a total lie. She hasn’t even looked for one yet. How could she, when she’s curled up in a ball behind the couch? And she’s anything but calm. She’s a fraud. “Just stay still. I’ll come find you.”

A failure, and a total fraud.

She doesn’t move a muscle. She can’t. It’s like she’s frozen, or something.

Lincoln knows it, too. “I can go look, if you want.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Brittany asks, but she won’t pretend it isn’t a tempting offer. God, is she really considering making her son search the house for a light source in the middle of a city-wide blackout so that she doesn’t have to? What kind of parent…

“A little bit,” Lincoln admits. His voice lowers to a whisper. “But I’ll be okay.”

Brittany sighs, fighting a smile even in these crazy, life-threatening conditions. Because there’s a reason Santana ‘we’ll be the gay wine aunts, babe’ Lopez changed her mind the minute she met Lincoln, and it has everything to do with the fact that they’re two flavours of the same ice cream sundae. Lincoln’s as much of a fighter as his Mom is, and just as determined to prove it. 

It would be wrong not to let him try at this point, right? “I think there’s one in the bathroom, above the sink.”

“I can’t reach there,” Lincoln points out.

“Fuck.”

“Mom told me that’s a bad word.”

“It is,” Brittany winces. “Don’t tell her I said it.”

Silence, then, “She told me that too.”

A door slams, then a dim beam of light fills the hallway. It illuminates Lincoln’s face for a brief moment, and Brittany’s breath catches in her throat at the sight of him. He’s not just nervous, he’s terrified. He’s been in the dark for twenty minutes, scared and alone, and she’s left him that way because she can’t get it together long enough to go and find a damn flashlight. This is all her fault.

It’s her fault.

“Britt?” Santana calls, “Are you home?”

And it’s not that Brittany’s forgotten how to breathe. She just can’t remember if it’s ‘in, in, out,’ or ‘out, out, in,’ and honestly neither of them seem to be working. Her head starts to feel fuzzy, so she buries it in her lap and tries to steady her breath. Then the beam of light trickles further into the room, followed by footsteps, and Brittany feels them both close in on her a few seconds later.

“Fuck, Brittany,” Santana rushes towards her, kneeling down to caress her cheek.“Are you alright?”

“That’s a bad word,” Lincoln reminds them quietly, as Brittany all-but collapses into her wife’s chest.

Santana startles at the voice. She props Brittany up in one arm, shining the light across the room with the other, to find their son, trembling in the corner. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

It’s pitch black and her face is buried in Santana’s shirt, but Brittany can hear Lincoln’s cheeks turning red. “Mom said I could have the day off to teach Lord Tubbington Jr. how to ride a skateboard.”

Maybe Brittany’s cheeks turn red too.

“Oh, did she?” Santana drawls, only half-amused. Her hands stroke absently through Brittany’s hair. “I must’ve missed the memo.”

Later, Brittany figures she might have to answer for that. For now, all she gets is a gentle peck on the side of the forehead, before Santana is standing and making her way over to comfort Lincoln instead. Brittany sucks in a breath, trying to settle her racing heart now that there’s a least a little bit of light in the room. It’s around the time Santana reaches Lincoln that everything becomes blindingly bright again.

The lights are back on.

Finally.

Brittany shoots up to standing, dusting herself off before Lincoln notices the state she was in. She can handle Santana knowing she turns into a crumpled mess the minute the lights go off without her consent, but not their kid. No way. Parents are meant to be the strong ones. She read it on the internet once.

There’s a quiet giggle from the corner of the room. Santana has Lincoln cradled in her lap, and he wriggles playfully to get out of her hold, except he’s not really trying to at all. Brittany knows how much he loves it there. Santana whispers something in his ear. Her eyes are filled with mirth as they flicker up to catch Brittany’s in a way that warms her heart to see; because they were never going to be wine aunts, were they?

It’s probably because she’s so lost in thought, but Brittany absolutely does not register the fact that Lincoln is sprinting across the room until he pummels straight into the side of her. She takes a second to recover, but he’s small, so it’s not like it hurts. That much. Her arms wrap around his tiny little body by instinct.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” Lincoln mumbles, before taking off again; this time, towards his room.

Brittany watches him go, but she’s certain Santana’s eyes are already on her. She hazards a glance in her wife’s direction and her suspicions are proven correct. “You told him to say that.”

“No I didn’t,” Santana chuckles, closing the distance between them. “I told him to go to you. He did the rest on his own.”

All Brittany can do is sigh, because honestly, she’s a little angry with herself. As far as failure goes, having a meltdown in front of your scared child during a twenty minute power outage seems like a pretty big one. She finds herself reaching for Santana, right as her wife does the same. Their bodies do that sometimes. It’s like they’re itching to connect; to be whole. “I didn’t handle that very well.” 

Santana’s hand glides up Brittany’s arm, tugging her in close. “You did the best you could.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Brittany spits, turning away. It’s the truth. She was useless, and... “He was so scared.”  

“He’s fine,” Santana insists, catching Brittany by the arm before she can go any further. She examines Brittany carefully, as if hesitant to say anything else. “Now can we talk about you? Are you okay?”

It’s not what Brittany is expecting, and her stomach drops. Santana raises an eyebrow, as if challenging her, daring her to lie. She doesn’t.

“I froze.”

“I saw.”

“I can’t even protect my kid when the lights go out,” Brittany’s voice cracks, as she fights off tears. It’s ridiculous that she’s thinking about crying, but she is. “What kind of Mom does that make me?”

Santana’s answer is immediate, and without hesitation. “A human one.”

There’s a hand thumbing at her hip now. Brittany relaxes into the contact, only just realising how tense she’s been this whole time. Santana must sense it too, because she wraps her arms firmly around Brittany’s waist, yanking her in close, until their chests are pressed flush together. It’s a wordless exchange, like so many others they’ve had before. Brittany breathes with the steady rhythm of Santana’s heartbeat, knowing that in time, hers will fall into stride with it. That’s just how they work.

It takes longer than Brittany wants it to, but eventually a weight releases. She buries her head in her wife’s neck, sighing contentedly as Santana’s other hand sneaks down to rest in the back pocket of Brittany’s jeans. 

“I hate the dark,” Brittany grumbles.

Santana hums, continuing to stroke gentle circles into the small of Brittany’s back as she rocks their bodies slowly back and forth. At this point, they’re basically slow dancing in the living room. 

The next time Santana speaks, she sounds amused. “iPhones have flashlights, you know.”

It’s so random, and out of left-field, that Brittany stiffens. She pulls back just enough to look at Santana properly, only to find her standing there with the tiniest beginnings of a smirk on her face. Like she’s fighting it, because she knows Brittany’s still a little upset. 

Then, there’s a shift in Brittany’s back pocket. Santana removes her hand, slowly extracting with it an object that Brittany hadn’t registered as something that was even in her back pocket until just now.

It’s an iPhone.

It’s her iPhone.

“Fuck,” Brittany breathes, knowing full well that the disapproving voice will trickle in from the other room within the next few seconds.

When it does, both Santana and Brittany echo its sentiment entirely.

“That’s a bad word.”

[lov3nerdstuff]

Cursed

*Loki x reader*

Parts: oneshot

Summary: After touching a cursed vase, Loki and you end up in a situation that requires for both of you to finally face your feelings.

Warnings: medieval love curse

Words: 3k

A.N.: This is my first story after a severe writer's block, so please be kind 💗✨

_______________________________

"I can't believe I touched that thing!" You groaned in utter frustration as you stormed into the Avengers' headquarters, throwing open the feeble glass doors as if they were made to be slammed by an angry Hulk. To hell with them, maybe they even were made for that!

Right on your heel, the sole cause of your current frustration: Loki. Your partner. Fellow avenger. Friend… the most frustrating being on the entire planet. On any planet, really. The man… god… person you couldn't get out of your head, even if you got your brains bashed out repeatedly in training. As of late he simply seemed to invade your every waking and dreaming thought, and it seemed to you as if suddenly the entire world only reverted around him – To him it probably did, anyway. Then again, maybe this peculiar development of things hadn't been so sudden at all, if you gave it a little thought.

When you'd first been paired up with this insufferable nuisance that was Loki, about four years ago, you had very much despised each other. More for the reason that neither of you actually wanted to work with (read: for) the Avengers than because of each other, and as soon as you'd discovered your mutual dislike for your coworkers, the fun had unraveled. After about a month, the two of you had accepted the fact that neither of you would get rid of the other any time soon. Half a year in, you'd both come to realize that the other wasn't half bad and actually the best possible option for an acquaintance in this odd group of self proclaimed heroes. A year and various almost-deaths later, you'd come to terms with the fact that you were friends. Sort of. Two years down the road, and you'd become practically inseparable. The very best of friends, and the tornment of every other resident in the headquarters. If only it had stayed at that...

Over the course of time, you had begun to see your idiot best friend as more and more of a necessity for your very existence. He made you like who you are, when you were with him, for the very first time in as long as you cared to remember. Without Loki, you felt like a part of you was missing. Like someone had stolen the sun and stars from your universe. Like you'd suffocate in the drowning darkness his absence left behind. And that's when it had started to get really complicated, really quickly.

Your missions required for both of you to strive towards your (or rather the Avengers') goal and reach your aims, no matter what. Casualties expected, and the death of either you or Loki a long accepted and maybe even appreciated collateral damage. That's how it was supposed to be, that's why they had paired you up. Both guilt ridden to your very demise, believed to be vain in any attempt to find forgiveness, you were expected to be happy to sacrifice each other (or anything really) to reach the very goal imposed on you without your will. Everyone thought forgiveness to be your highest aim, and they believed that they could abuse you both as long as they dangled a glimpse of that forgiveness in your faces at the end of the road. The flaw in that plan however lay at its very core: the longer you worked with Loki, the more your one and only aim was to keep him alive and by your side. You needed him, horribly so, and you'd gladly sacrifice your own life for his sake. Not that you doubted that he would do the same –he very likely would– but even if he may, it would be for utterly different reasons. The problem was, is, and probably will be till the end of you, that your friendly feelings had long turned into more. So much more, to an extend that you couldn't even fully grasp yet. Not with the brain anyway.

But you needed him. You needed his friendship. Hell, you even needed his partnership for work. And you couldn't risk any of that by whining about an unrequited love. He was ancient, brilliant, divine. You were… you. Not that you weren't quite the catch, you wouldn't downtalk yourself unnecessarily, but you knew that he viewed you as anything but a potential lover. And that was fine, really, you could handle the overwhelming amount of feelings that you'd locked up some place deep within you. Most of the time.

"Will you stop running away from this conversation?!" Loki snapped as he followed you through the somehow still intact glass door and slammed it shut behind the two of you. It rattled like a thunderbolt in chilled air, shaking like the leaves moved in the storm. But it held up. "It's not like I did this on purpose and you damn well know it!" The intense glare in Loki's eyes made your blood sizzle once you turned around, but you didn't let that stop you from angrily grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Maybe a sip of freezing liquid would somehow quench this roaring flame within you that had been ignited not so long ago. Of course it didn't, and that frustrated you even more.

"I'm not blaming you, Loki, but aren't you supposed to know about these things?!" You groaned and rolled your eyes as you leaned back against the counter. "Aren't you the magic man from another world?!"

"Too bad that blaming me is exactly what you're doing right now, darling." His voice dropped two octaves as he stepped up close, definitely invading your personal space, but he didn't seem to mind at all. "You know what happened last time we played this game, Y/n, and I assure you that this time around won't end in a pillow fight either."

Your heart made a painful leap that would've sufficed to break records, as his subtle scent invaded your senses. He often got up close with you, sure, but not this close. It felt very right and very wrong at once.

"Well, but if SOMEONE had checked for curses before I went around gathering those objects WITH MY BARE FREAKING HANDS, we wouldn't be in this situation now!!!" You snapped right back and glared up into his face, crossing your arms in front of your chest. His presence gave you goosebumps, and you felt in desperate need for some composure.

"In case you forgot, I also touched that cursed vase… and so did the redhead and the soldier." His response was way too calm, spoken in that dangerously collected manner only he could convey as actually threatening. He placed his hands on the counter on either side of you and his eyes grew inevitably darker as they dug souldeep into yours, and yet they harbored no hostility, no real anger. No, you didn't feel anger either. Not really.

"Loki…" Your voice came out hushed, a mere whisper that was laden with both urgency and desperation. "Ever since I touched that vase…"

"I know." His tone had turned from the threatening calm to the comforting one you could positively drown in. "I feel it as well. However the other's don't, so it's… it's between us."

You didn't know if he was talking about the raging wildfire in your chest that was slowly starting to become seriously painful, or about the truly maddening affection you felt for the god right in front of you, but you kind of hoped that it was neither.

"How do we make it stop?" You asked then, in the hopes that what he was feeling might indeed be the sooner rather than the latter. Not because you wished him pain, but because you hoped that he could take yours away.

"I… I don't know, Y/n." He sighed, at last averting his eyes from yours to look down at the minimal space between your bodies. There was something he was not telling you, but this wasn't the time to prod. The frown on his face told you just how deeply upset he truly was about the incident, and your heart squeezed almost painfully as you suddenly felt beyond sorry for yelling at him.

"This bloody curse!" He groaned and turned away from you, taking a step backwards before he started pacing back and forth through the kitchen right in front of you. "I should have known, I-I… I should've protected you like I was damn well supposed to!"

The more worked up he got, the more the fire in your own torso stirred and roared until you had to clench your teeth to keep quiet.

"I'm sorry." He stated almost desperately, and your eyebrows rose at the statement alone. Loki never apologized. For anything. "I'm truly sorry, Y/n. This curse… it's my fault that you're… that we're burning up on the inside, and I was supposed to know that this would happen!"

"It's not your fault, Loki. It's really not." You tried, but he lifted a single finger to silence you before you could continue in an instant.

"But IT IS!" He snapped at you as he turned on his heels to face you, immediately realizing what he had done and turning away again. "You don't understand this, Y/n." He spat in dismay or disgust, you couldn't tell in the uproaring anger that really was merely the curse's doing. Still, it surely felt real enough in the moment.

"You're right, I bloody well don't!" You yelled back, brought to the brink of tears by the overwhelming amount of emotions coursing through your body all at once. It was becoming too much to bear. "Enlighten me then! What's this curse? What's it do? And why for God's sake is ANY of this your fault?!"

"Because I love you, damnit!" He yelled back, the same pained frown on his face that just then vanished from yours. "It's a stupid sacrificial curse from the stupid middle ages of your stupid little planet! And it will kill us both… because of my own stupid feelings for you that I tried not to have in the first place. But I do have them. And I am sorry."

Your lips parted ever so slightly as your gaze locked with his, taking in the not-even-once-in-a-lifetime sight of Loki falling apart right in front of your very eyes. But not a single word would pass your lips, and your mind had fallen into a momentary catharsis.

Upon your silence, Loki's expression hardened and he looked away once more. "I didn't mean to tell you. I know you don't feel that way about me and I honestly wanted to spare us both the embarrassment of having you say it out loud." A broken laugh cut in between the words, and the goosebumps on your skin returned as he spoke on. "But I guess my pride doesn't matter anymore if we end up dead anyway."

"I… I don't understand…" You finally managed to say, pushing yourself away from the counter to take a certain step towards Loki. "How are we both affected by the curse, but not Natasha or Steve? They touched the vase as well… back at the carrier, before we knew it was cursed… how… " Your voice trailed off as you took another step closer to Loki, feeling like the flames in your chest were dragging you towards him rather painfully. He however started pacing again, the very second you came closer, lost deep in thought.

"Gods, Y/n, it's… complicated. Ancient magic is not something for humans to meddle with! And while this particular one only affects individuals with mutual feelings of deep love and adoration, it certainly does have a history with the sacrificial spells used in various rituals all over the galaxy. However rudimentary this one might be executed-"

"Loki…"

"-it still holds the single purpose to force the participants to succumb to the rituals will or they end up dead by-"

"Loki!" You almost shouted at him, stepping into his way and placing your hands on his shoulders. The physical contact seemed to burn your body alive, and yet it aided to soothe the flame inside you. He seemed to feel a similar sensation, as his word vomit ebbed down and he simply stared at you in irritation.

"What?" He sounded as exasperated as he looked.

"Did you even listen to yourself?" You asked with the tiniest upcurve of your lips.

"What kind of stupid question is that?!" Loki frowned down at you, like the idiot best friend you'd known for years, and you almost would've laughed if the pain in your body wasn't constantly growing.

"Go two sentences back and repeat what you said." You insisted, and Loki rolled his eyes in return, but decided to comply anyway. He always did what you asked of him, even if he would never admit to doing such thing, and your heartbeat was now officially through the roof.

"I will count this as your death wish then." He sighed in sarcasm and leaned into your touch so subtly that you assumed it was unintentional. "I said ancient magic is not to be meddled with. And that this spell only affects individuals with mutual… oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'..." You managed a half smile, while Loki looked like a deer caught in the headlights. An expression seen on him oh so rarely, yet one most adorable for sure. "I hadn't meant to ever tell you either." With that you took two steps backwards again, eyes not leaving his as he looked right through you, while your entire being protested against the physical separation. But you knew that he likely needed space, he always did when it came down to the important things. To the things that actually meant something to him.

"What are we going to do now?" You asked as you leaned back against the counter in feigned ease, hoping to give away as little of your pain as possible. There was no need for him to worry even more now.

Loki already looked like a million thoughts raced through his mind at once, and they very likely did just that. It wasn't unusual for you to see him without his guard up, but you still enjoyed the rawness of his being that he allowed himself to show around you only. But right now, you weren't all too fond of his dwelling in internal multitudes and more concerned with the problem at hand.

"Loki..." You pressed, frowning against a new wave of scorching pain. "Please, do the thinking later and the acting now. I need you here with me… I need you."

The frown fell off his face in an instant as his eyes focused back on you in a blink, and the brief flash of emotions you saw in them had your breath caught in your throat. With one single step he was right in front of you once more, so close that you could feel his shallow breathing on your skin and his warmth all over your body. In his eyes you found the same darkening, the same desperate intensity as before. The burn in your body grew less painful the closer Loki got, and you reluctantly reached out to the lapels of his coat to pull him closer to you. He did nothing to resist, and a few short second later you were pressed against the counter by his larger frame.

"Feels better already, does it not?" His low voice met your ears in a whisper as he leaned his head against the side of yours. "As it seems we both were quite wrong about the reciprocation of our feelings."

"And yet here we are, burning up from the inside until we die. How ironic…" You replied quietly, your voice less shaky than you felt. It hadn't been your intention to sound bitter, but the impending death really dimmed down your excitement about the entire situation.

"As things happen to be right now, we won't have to die after all, darling…" He mused, placing a small kiss onto your jaw that made your blood freeze underneath your scorching skin. The sensation was almost… relieving. Pleasant very much, even. "As it seems, we might just be alright." Another kiss, slow and tender, to your neck right over your pulse point. A shaky breath escaped your lips.

"How?" You asked, holding onto his shirt tightly as you bent your neck to give him more room, a small sigh escaping your lips without your consent.

"Keep making that noise and I'll show you right here." He replied quietly and his words made your skin crawl once more while he placed feathery kisses from your jaw to the corner of your mouth. "Say it, darling…"

"I love you." You breathed, in the utmost knowledge of what he was asking you for, while more and more of the pain vanished and was replaced by sincere happiness and adoration. "I have for a long time now… but I never believed you would feel the same."

For a short moment Loki halted, his lips almost touching yours as he caressed your cheek with the back of his fingers. Then his lips curled up into an honest smile. "My own love for you is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Never has been."

"Quoting Shakespeare, huh?" You smiled as well, reveling in the feeling of his own against your lips.

"He got all his best lines from me and you know it!" Loki's smile turned into a grin, moments before he picked you up off the ground and made for the glass doors. You didn't even try to protest, for you knew it would be in vain anyway. And honestly, you didn't want the pain to return to your body upon any physical separation from Loki either.

"What's next?" The curiosity in you finally won as you grinned up at him expectantly. Loki… partner, best friend, idiot, and at last, your love.

With that grin that promised both heaven and hell at once he looked down at you, before capturing your lips in a kiss that was barely enough to tease, to hint, to promise. "Now, darling, we undo this bloody curse."

______________________________

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[bordeleaubeau]

when worlds collide - ryder donovan

chapter four wc: 1985

ryder

the house is almost completely dark besides a light in the living room and the dim illumination from the tv. ryder automatically assumes that it’s bill or katie are waiting for him to get home - it wasn’t necessarily a rare occurrence of hi  coming home later after a game, and katie usually stayed up just to make sure her middle child came home safe.

however, when ryder pushes open the door he’s surprised to see his little sister and youngest sibling sitting on the couch. “clara?” he asks, closing the door behind him quietly to make as little noise as possible. “it’s like, midnight. why are you still awake?”

the brunette turns around, both of her eyebrows raised at her brother, and slowly ryder puts his hands up in defense. “you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.” ryder can’t help but let out a laugh when the realization hits, which only worsens the look his little sister is giving him. 

“y/n? she’s just a friend, clar. don’t worry okay? you’re still the most important girl in my life. as long as you don’t tell mom and vanessa that.” ryder smiles at her, his hand reaching out and ruffling the top of her already messy hair. clara knew and sure the rest of the donovan siblings did without ryder ever telling them, but clara was his favorite sibling by a long mile. clara absolutely adored his little sister and vice versa. 

“are you sure, rydes?” clara’s voice is small as she talks, tucking her legs under her small frame, suddenly feeling shy about asking her brother about his love life. “you never give people your hoodies. i never even get those! i’m lucky if i get your old ones that you don’t even fit into anymore.” 

clara had backed ryder into a corner. he hated lying to clara and not once did he ever lie to her. shay was one story, but never c.

“i’m sure.” ryder says after hesitating,  sitting down on top of the coffee table in front of clara. “we’re just partners for a school project, okay c? nothing will come out of it. she may come over one day after school or after practice, but that’ll pretty much be it.”

for a second, ryder swears he sees clara’s face falter just for a moment, but her head tilts to the side. “why not? she was really nice. she bought me an icee too.”

“she bought you an icee?” he can’t help the stupid smile that’s on his face. of course she would do that. ryder was convinced she would do that even if she didn’t know clara was his little sister. “i’m trusting that you thanked her, right?”

clara is nodding right away. “of course i did. but i really like her, rydey. she’s different from the other girls. she isn’t… all over you. she’s not kiera.” clara fakes a shudder and a gagging noise, making a rather unexpected laugh to fall from ryder’s mouth. she certainly was not like the other girls that were willing to drop to their knees for him, and he liked that. it was different. 

ryder finds himself smiling down at his fumbling hands, “i know, i know. she is different, huh? but you don’t think you’d be upset if she spent a little bit of time around here?” ryder carefully glances up, half expecting a bad response from clara.

but she’s shaking her head and ryder can’t help but smile. even thinking about the idea of her and clara forming a relationship even somewhat similar to the one clara and he had was enough to make his stomach do flips. she had that with willy, and he knew that, everyone knew that. there was just something about thinking of clara and her together. 

“i think i’m gonna go to bed, clar. long night. and i think you should too.” clara is nodding, exhaustion visible on her face and the yawn that she lets out doesn’t help her case. “did you stay up just to ask me about y/n?”

clara’s face flushes a deep pink as she stands up from the couch, “i was just curious! i wanted to get the scoop before anyone else, and can you blame me? she’s really pretty, rydey.”

ryder places his hand on the middle of clara’s back, ushering her to keep moving up the stairs because he knew if he didn’t they would end up talking in the living room all night. “i know she is, c. trust me, i know.”

“you say you don’t like her ry, then why are you smiling like you’ve just won a championship?” clara is smiling up at him, and he knows that he’s caught. clara knew her older brother like the back of her hand, being only twelve. they had created such a bond that she just knew when ryder was having a bad day and how to cheer him up. only logan knew how he felt, not even ricky. and he was planning on keeping it that way.

“it’s, it’s complicated, c,” ryder stumbles over his words, not really knowing the right ones to say. it was his senior year. he would be going off to wisconsin in the upcoming fall and starting a brand new life for himself. it wasn’t the time for a relationship. “you’ll understand when you’re older. goodnight, clar. i love you.”

clara lets out a sigh, but nonetheless she’s got a plan calculating in her head. “goodnight ryder, i love you too.” 

-

“the one thing i asked you was to not get close to my teammates and that’s exactly what you did!” you wince at your little brother suddenly raising his voice at you, and you glance over your shoulder just to make sure your parents aren’t coming down the stairs. the last thing you needed was your dad finding out what had happened.

“i know, will, i know,” you sigh, hand running down your face. “i promise, it was only just going out to dinner. we’re not even that close, just partners for a school project. plus how do you think i felt when i heard you went out on a date and you didn’t tell me?”

will’s eyes narrow, and it looks like he’s ready to blow any second. “this is different, y/n! i’m being a regular teenager and going out on dates. but being with my teammate, my captain, one of my best friends? that’s a different story. ryder is just going to use you and you’re going to be exactly what you never wanted to be. but if that’s okay with you, fine. just don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart.”

“he wouldn’t break my heart, william.” your voice is small and you can barely look at him. of course you don’t know if he would or not. the only proper conversation you had with ryder before high school was in the seventh grade. and senior year ryder was a lot different than seventh grade ryder.

will scoffs immediately, “i’m the one that sits with him in the locker room. i’m the one that sits with him at lunch. he tells me so many things, y/n. i hear things. if there was anyone on that team that would break your heart it would be ryder donovan.”

“well then it’s a good thing that we’re just friends, isn’t it william?”

by his side, william clenches his fists and he lets out a shaky breath. “you don’t get it, do you? just friends don’t get that close to each other. he was going to kiss you! why can’t you just let me live my life completely separate from yours? why do you always have to ruin things?”

“he’s the one that likes me, will!” the words leave your mouth before you an even comprehend what you’re saying, arms flailing in exasperation as you watch the color drain from your little brother’s face.

“goodnight.”

and without another word, the brunette boy turns to go up his stairs, defeat making his shoulders sag. you watch silently as he trudges up the stairs leaving you in the darkness of the corridor. it takes a few seconds, but once you regain your composure you’re following in the ghostly footsteps of your brother.

once you get up to your bedroom you change into sweats and a t-shirt to get ready for bed, cozying yourself in your blankets laying on your side typing out a text.

-

y/n: guess who’s brother just freaked out at her for hanging out with you:)

rydes:) : what? no way, willy wouldnt do that

y/n: yeah well he did.

rydes:) : what the hell? why?

y/n: i already told you, rydes. i broke the one promise i made to him, we got close

-

the bubbles pop up on your screen but just as quickly as they appear they disappear, and the words “rydes dono would like to facetime…” pop up instead. you hesitate, but you swipe the little bar on your screen and ryder’s face pops up right as he’s getting into his bedroom.

“talk to me, baby mama.” he says, tongue darting out to wet his lip as he sets his phone on his dresser.

your mouth opens and closes, not really knowing what to say. ryder’s hands reach for the collar of his shirt, pulling it over his head with ease. “will’s just, moody. he’s pissy that we’re friends because you’re one of his best friends and you’re his captain. there’s something about it that sets him off.” of course you aren’t actually going to tell him what william said - that ryder would break your heart. because part of you didn’t want to believe that. 

“he’ll get over it, okay? i’ll talk to him at practice on monday and-”

“ryder no!” you cut him off, sitting up in your bed. “you cannot talk to him. you can’t play hero, will isn’t gonna like that. he’s just as pissed at you as he is at me. i don’t want him to lash out at you like he just did to me. i can’t let him do that.”

the pleading in your voice is enough to pull on ryder’s heart strings, and there’s a soft smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “you really care about me, huh y/n/n?”

“of course i do,” you mumble, eyes not meeting the screen as your fingers pick at the threads of your blanket. “i don’t want, you don’t deserve it okay? if anyone deserves it, it’s me. i knew what i was doing, and i knew i was going to upset will one way or another. he knew you were going to kiss me.”

“and i would have.”

his words make your eyes go right up to the screen. there’s an annoying smirk on ryder’s face, one that nearly sends shivers down your spine and one that intensifies the blush on your cheeks.

“‘m just playing,” he finally adds on with an eye roll. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t just a little bit disappointed, but like hell you were going to show it.

“yeah, yeah of course.” you  mumble. “i should probably go to bed, rydes. and so should you, i can’t imagine how tired you must be after tonight.”

ryder nods his head, “yeah you’re right. goodnight y/n. i’ll text you in the morning okay? maybe you can come over and we can work on the project.”

“i’d like that a lot.” you smile, a smile of ryder’s own forming on his face. “goodnight, rydes. i’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“goodnight baby mama.”

and with that, the end call noise sounds. you let yourself fall back against your pillows, a blissful smile gracing your lips. god you were falling hard and you were sure everyone around you could tell.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 13 rewatch thoughts; the reduced salt edition

or at least I’m trying to be more constructive with the salt in this one let’s goooo

- god I miss the armourer so much. look at how fucking cool she looks, this is the mando design I hunger for so deeply, WHY would you give me boob plates back instead haha 

- I will say with the way it’s presented this place feels way too small to be called a city lol (and I think that limited scale hurts how much I’m willing to accept the magistrate as a credible opponent to go toe to toe with ahsoka freaking tano. maybe if we’d seen directly the extent of the magistrate’s power and influence and not just the burned out wasteland that power leaves behind I’d be more on board with it. canonically she’s clearly been extremely rich and influential on a galactic scale, while the aesthetic filoni takes from samurai movies in this has a lot more to do with local warlords and smaller stakes. this is not the only time the adherence to that aesthetic without adapting it for the emotional story at hand or giving it a spin for novelty hurts the episode #hot take. it’s empty homage without quite understanding why the moments you’re emulating work so well in the context of the story they serve.) 

this might be because how it’s filmed makes it seem like there’s just one big main street towards the magistrate’s palace, it’s implied to be quite a bit bigger from the establishing shot as the crest comes flying in? 

- LOVE the implication that din lets baby play with the silver ball pretty freely while they’re on the ship but sets the (completely sensible tbh) boundary that he can’t bring it with him somewhere outside where he might lose it for good. that seems like reasonable dad-ing, din, well done. 

anyway my heart is hurting because that silver ball is like a comfort item for the kid and it’s pretty clear from the very start that he has some kind of understanding of what might happen on this planet and so does NOT want to go out there, but also... that thing is narratively introduced as the baby’s way of saying ‘dad, don’t forget me, don’t go’. it’s what made din go back for him the first time, and that’s a connotation it still has both in the audience’s mind and for the characters. and I need to go cry in a corner for a while be right back

- not for nothing but in this scene of the baby being faced with din and a jedi standing side by side as if to present a choice, din literally has the sun right behind his head like some kind of fucking halo

 gee I wonder what the baby’s choice is going to be fsadfjkhasdkjfhs. (he! loves! his dad! so much!!!!!!!)

- I wish they’d done more with the bored punch clock villain, hey-I’m-just-here-for-the-paycheck-man vibe of the guard captain guy and maybe given his nonchalance a bit of a darkly comedic tint, I think it would’ve made a better moment when he’s facing off with din towards the end if he had more... character. make him a bit more of a dark mirror of the soulless gun for hire people have seen din as in the past (and as the magistrate seems to now), do something interesting here. maybe even make it more of a mexican standoff with him holding a gun on an innocent or something so there’s something here for din to lose, it still does the western thing and lets you have that ramping tension you need for when you cut between the sword duel and this. hell, have him actually give up and walk away to show that he doesn’t fucking care about any of this, he did evil for money without any driving passion or conviction behind it, and let din decide if he’ll let him walk away scot free or not after what he’s been part of, that’s a neat subversion of the trope as well! as it stands it’s just so... empty   

- baby says ‘mada! mada!’ again when they try to approach the vendor who appears to be serving foodstuffs! so maybe a word he has for food or maybe something like ‘lady person!’? (he says it when frog lady is gone on the ice planet and also as she’s walking into the razor crest for the first time. he did seem more interested in the eggs at that point, sooo lol)

din reacts to him speaking too, he glances down at him <3<3<3

- the baby seems to sense ‘ooof this is scary, time to hide’ on his own before they go into the magistrate’s place, din doesn’t appear to signal anything to him  

- there’s a lot of deliberate silence in this episode, but the sound design that gets space away from the music somehow isn’t as immersive to me as it usually is on this show? I have no idea why, though 

- ‘a jedi plagues me’ is somehow so fucking funny to me. the tl;dr for a lot of star wars villains through the ages

it also still cracks me up that din is immediately like ‘ma’am you can’t afford me’ fsdhfaskf

- I’m so happy din talks to and reassures the baby when he puts him down in these situations now, I remember being SO SAD when he didn’t back in chapter 7. he’s learning all the time!

- I think we should all be very happy this fight is cut off almost as soon as it begins, because I’m pretty sure ahsoka could kick din’s ass real bad and that would be terrible because I love him (listen din definitely has his moments, but up against a force user for the first time and said force user being one of the most powerful and battle-experienced jedi alive? probably not huh, if he survives that it’s on pure fatherly love and desperation and nothing else)

- this seems to be the baby asking ahsoka to carry him back to be with din (mando certainly seems to be what they’re ‘talking’ about right before) and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen 

din’s fingers are also doing the nervous curl-uncurl thing as she puts the baby down, and it remains the sweetest goddamn character tic, he’s adorable

in the long pause after he tells her “he needs your help” he’s sitting SO TENSELY, it’s only when she at least promises to test the kid that he relaxes a bit

baby (well, grogu, but he’s also baby) recognizes yoda’s name and seems to almost ask ahsoka ‘yoda is here???’, and her blink in response is like ‘no, I’m sorry’ 

- I still deeply dislike how it’s actually done in the episode, it’s so clunky and it annoys me on a craft level, but I do like the overarching thematic narrative of both mando and the baby being on this journey towards specificity and remembering themselves, of reclaiming the particular nuances of an identity that make up a self after a series of traumas have stripped it away from them. at the start of the show neither of them has a name (and din doesn’t even have a face) and they’re basically presented as broad archetypes, The Mandalorian and The Child. and now we’re slowly unearthing things that make them this specific child, grogu, this specific mandalorian, din djarin. it’s rediscovering parts of yourself you might have thought lost as you heal from trauma and I do like that very much, it’s touching and the emotional throughline this show should never lose sight of   

- oooooh no baby glances over at din when she asks him to push the stone back ;______________; it’s so awful because you can just tell... he understands that if he does this thing din might leave, but also people have clearly tricked him into using the Force before and given him this traumatized kneejerk association that if he uses it where people can see him Bad things might happen

oh okay so I think din just subtly misunderstands the baby’s appeal to him here, he thinks that look towards him means ‘dad help I don’t understand what’s being asked of me’. I guess he doesn’t have any way of knowing how complicated the baby’s past is with this yet, it’s a good try

- I’ve seen people take ‘he understands’ as baby understanding everything that’s said to him all the time, which is patently not true haha. he understands quite a lot, in the way toddlers actually understand quite a lot of what’s going on around them, even a bit of words spoken to them before they’re especially verbal themselves, but he clearly mixes up his colours still sooo

I also suspect he’s played this game before -- surely that must be one of the most obvious activities the jedi would do with the smallest children, playing Force catch basically? but he still doesn’t trust it, or her. (on the other hand he does trust that din would never hurt or trick him. help me I’m drowning in my own tears)   

- personally and from anything else in this show I don’t think din would be this impatient with the baby after hearing, less than half a minute before, that he’s terrified

but hey I’m not the man in the cowboy hat what do I know (yes I’m bitter characterization matters okay lol)

- it’s both funny and so sweet that the same music plays during this father and son playing catch scene as when baby lifted that mudhorn fkdfha

- for my money din reacts exactly perfectly to grogu finally Force pulling the ball -- he’s excited and happy, signalling that this thing doesn’t have to be scary and dangerous and that when shared with the right people it can be a good joyous thing, he moves over to the baby so they can share in this victory and attune, and crucially he doesn’t demand more afterwards, which the baby must have gotten before from some of the assholes who’ve been experimenting on him. it’s just the celebration and satisfaction of having done the thing without demands or threats or any ulterior motives. HIM!!! DAD!!!! 

tattoo this straight onto my heart... the way baby cheerfully offers it back to din... sdkjafhksdfhsakdjf 

- din breaths out roughly and unevenly through his nose almost like it’s been punched out of him and starts fiddling with the silver ball (which is still his primary tell for anxiety/stress!) when ahsoka says “he’s formed a strong attachment to you” :) listen if I have to know that all of you fuckers are going down with me 

- see the thing is... if you don’t know who ahsoka is in pretty deep detail, you might take her at face value here instead of understanding that she’s actually projecting her own feelings and traumas onto this. if you absolutely have to use this character for this part of the show you have to set her up better specifically so someone who’s never seen a single episode of clone wars can grasp the basics of where she is emotionally and what her motives are, so that her role in this story makes sense. as it is it’s sort of a compromise between pleasing old fans (who can do quite a bit of inferring to figure it out) and approaching audiences who don’t know anything, and it falls flat    

(for the purposes of this show I aggressively do not care where thrawn is, and so I’m just annoyed when we find out what this was actually all for haha)

- still feel reluctant to discuss too much about ahsoka because of the whole... situation with dawson, but I do like that she lets one of the guards leave after disarming him because he’s cowering and giving up, and that she still has her padawan braid wound into her belt. also I think the effects on her and her outfit are completely fine, my problems with her this episode are all writing craft and real life stuff 

- when you get first the jet pack sound, then din coming down kicking that dude in the face, then the mando flute kicking in as he lands properly... the only time the action in this episode made me go ‘fuck YEEEAAAAH’ it’s awesome

- again, just like with the idea of having a samurai/ronin movie standoff and a western standoff at the same time: having the scene be mostly silent except for the almost musical sounds of the light sabers hitting the beskar spear is such a cool concept, and it does not work in action. I don’t know enough about filmmaking to tell you why it doesn’t, but it doesn’t.

there’s also something about... the ahsoka vs. morgan scene apes the deliberately staged, ritualized, exaggerated almost like how you’d perform it in live theatre aspect of the duels in the genre, but in an empty way? why are they acting like this, what’s their relationship to each other, what’s their individual code of honour that makes them let the other person slowly theatrically disrobe before going for them? just plucking the aesthetics out of a tradition and plopping them down in your own thing without thinking about the whys or original context of it leaves it without meaning 

(also let morgan express something of her own character other than I Am Evil rather than having ahsoka drop the entire exposition on her. maybe you could have her snarl some illuminating lines while they’re fighting so you get the feeling of the bitterness and brokenness that has fuelled her and burned the woods of this whole planet. in some ways she’s not that unlike din and ahsoka, she lost everything in the clone wars too and was motivated very differently by it than they were, play that up so the situation’s relevant to our protagonists! I’m sorry for all this nitpicking but I HAVE to figure out how this could have been done better for my own sake haha)     

- ooooooh the way din says “I can’t accept” when offered the spear is in fact almost an exact echo of when the armourer offers him the signet in chapter 3! I thought it sounded familiar, it’s delivered in such a similar way. huh. din has some Feelings about earning things and when he hasn’t earned something, doesn’t he

- din also cares A LOT about not breaking his word, to the point of being willing to stoop to some quite dishonest methods to avoid giving his word in the first place, and I find it utterly delightful 

- baby closing his eyes again after din wakes him like he’s thinking ‘maybe if I don’t wake up dad won’t go’ or even ‘at least this way I won’t know it happened until later, when it’s over’... pure emotional torture :) thank god din’s entire soul is clearly howling in protest and he took the slightest chance ahsoka gave him to not actually go through with it 

- so this is the second time we get someone telling din he’s like grogu’s father. well, the armourer gives it more like a command/almost a religious obligation, ‘until it is of age or reunited with its kind you are as its father’, ahsoka is stating what’s obvious at this point but says ‘you are like a father to him’... maybe they’re doing a rule of threes thing and the last time it’s ‘you are his father’ and it sticks?

- anyway din cradling the baby so close to his chest with both arms all the time instead of the more practical way he carries him around in the crook of his arm sometimes... my suffering is deep and endless   

[openheartchoices]

Five Times He Didn’t, One Time He Did (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Five Times He Didn’t, One Time He Did

Open Heart: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Olivia Summers)

Words: 4.3k

Summary: Five times that Ethan Ramsey didn’t kiss the girl and the one time he did.

A/N: I actually really loved writing this, and the idea has been in my head for a hot minute now. also this was written at like 3 am last night, so i haven’t edited yet. lots of love & happy reading!

**also, I don’t know if I’ve ever brought up a taglist, but I did (finally) start one, and it’s below. A few of you have asked to be tagged, so you’re below if you’ve asked! I started my tumblr about a month ago, and I am ready to start building onto my masterlist and taglist. Let me know if you want to be added now that I officially have one! **

aglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @nooruleman @missmiimiie @bellcat2010 @junehiratas @perriewinklenerdie @openheart12 @ethandaddyramsey

It was in the on-call room the first time.

Ethan found her bundled up, still in her scrubs and white coat, in a corner where she slept peacefully. The room was always cold, but it was even more so with the frigid winter weather outside. Olivia had been working a long shift that had truly exhausted her.

As he moved closer to her sleeping form, he realized he didn’t want to wake her up. He laughed lightly upon seeing her frizzy ponytail, strands of her blonde hair framing her sleeping face. Her mouth was slightly open, deep breaths coming out of it.

He felt guilty about waking her up, but he needed her for a case, and she hadn’t been answering her pager. Ethan knew why once he saw it laying on the table beside her. A nurse had informed him at the nurses’ station that she had seen Olivia go into the room, but she didn’t recall seeing her come back out.

He hesitantly started to reach down to wake her before moving his hand multiple times back and forth as he contemplated on if it was really necessary to wake her. Ethan bit his lip while trying to decide what to do.

Letting out a sigh, Ethan finally shook her gently, knowing she was going to have to get up eventually. “Olivia, hey. Wake up.”

She rolled over onto her back, her eyes still shut as she stretched. Sleepily, Olivia opened her eyes. Once realizing who had just woken her up, she darted straight up as rubbed her eyes frantically. “Hey, Dr. Ramsey! What do you need?”

“I needed to borrow you. We have a case I wanted to discuss with you.”

“Okay, sounds good,” she replied back, fake enthusiasm and pep in her voice in an attempt to act like she hadn’t just been in a deep sleep.

As she pulled her hair out of the mess it was in and threw it back up to look nicer, Ethan turned to her again. “I’ve been paging you.”

Her cheeks went red and her eyes opened wide. Olivia looked everywhere but at Ethan as she grabbed her pager that sat on the table. She sheepishly looked back up at him. “I must’ve really been out.”

“You lucked up that it wasn’t an emergency. You have to be more careful than that.” However, upon seeing the bags under her eyes, he sighed. “Just… try to get some sleep at home. Have you been sleeping?”

Olivia shrugged as she played with the sleeves of her white coat. “Somewhat.”

Ethan frowned. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“I have a lot going on. My head runs a million miles a night.” Was all she said.

Ethan had a feeling as to why she hadn’t been sleeping. He had an even bigger feeling that it most definitely involved his recent decision to erase everything they’d ever had. He could feel the guilt coming from a mile away.

“Well,” he cleared his throat as sat beside her, “if you, uh, ever need to talk, you know I’m here to listen.”

“I can’t talk about my problems to you when you are my problem,” she whispered softly, looking into his eyes for the first time since he had come into the room.

Ethan could feel all the air leaving his lungs as he made eye contact with Olivia. The distance between their hands was only a few centimeters as Ethan slowly moved it over, their pinky fingers barely touching.

They didn’t have to say anything. The small, weightless touch of their hands together and the look they gave each other said everything. It screamed the three unsaid words Olivia wanted to tell him, and it was a clear definition of Ethan’s longing for the blonde doctor beside him.

He noticed Olivia’s eyes darting down to his lips as he found himself doing the same thing. They both wanted it; that much was obvious. However, Ethan knew he couldn’t.

Ethan broke the gaze, awkwardly staring at the floor and quickly stood up. “We, um, need to go to my office to discuss the case.”

Without looking back at her, Ethan went out of the on-call room before he could do anything he considered stupid and reckless. On the journey back to his office, it took all he had in him to not kick himself for what he was doing to her.

—

They were in the parking lot of Donahue’s the second time.

Olivia was pacing back and forth like a maniac when he found her. She was completely oblivious to him as her eyes focused on her phone as she frantically dialed a number.

Ethan watched her for a moment. She was wringing her hands together, something she only did when she was nervous, as the phone sat wedged between her cheek and her shoulder. Whoever was on the phone finally answered.

“It’s about time you answered the phone!” Olivia exclaimed. “I’ve been a nervous wreck since I got your text. What’s wrong?”

Ethan didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he was curious who was on the phone. Could it be a boyfriend? Was it Dr. Trinh? Was it a family member? He really didn’t know.

Olivia suddenly gasped. “Really? I’m so happy for you! But I really freaked out at your text. It sounded like you were being kidnapped.”

Ethan listened further as Olivia kept talking. “Send me pictures. I can’t wait to see her! I’ll be in to visit as soon as I can get time off. Give her lots of hugs from me when she’s here. Love you, Octavia. You’ve got this!”

Olivia continued her conversation until she finally said her goodbyes. Before Ethan could move from the place he’d been standing and eavesdropping, Olivia turned around and caught him.

“Were you listening to me on the phone?”

Ethan sheepishly shrugged. “You sounded worried. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You were wringing your hands which is something you only do when you’re nervous.”

Olivia laughed. “Well, since you’re being nosy, my sister is in labor with my niece. She sent me a very urgent text, and I got worried something was wrong.”

“She’s doing good?”

“Yes. She said she should be here soon,” Olivia said with a smile. “I can’t wait. Octavia is going to be an incredible mom. She’s younger than me, but she was always the mom of us all.”

They sat on the bench outside of the bar, the music echoing from inside. “I didn’t know you had siblings.”

Olivia grinned. “I have a brother and a sister. I’m the oldest, Octavia is in the middle, and Oliver is the youngest. We’re all extremely close. Mom and Dad… it’s complicated with them. We had each other growing up, and that was all we needed.”

Ethan wanted to press further about Olivia’s parents, but he decided not to. Judging from the tone of her voice when she brought them up, he knew that probably wasn’t a topic he needed to bring up.

They sat in silence for a few moment, neither one of them saying anything until Olivia spoke up. “I should get back inside. Sienna will send out a search party for me if I’m not back soon.”

Ethan didn’t want her to go. He could sit there all night, but he knew he should get going, too. However, he was going home to Jenner, not back inside the bar. “I should be getting home. I hope your sister has a safe delivery.”

Olivia threw Ethan a smile that lit up the dark around them. The lights from the streets illuminated her complexion, making Ethan even more crazy about her. “Thanks. Goodnight, Ethan.”

“Goodnight, Olivia.”

She lingered for a minute, giving Ethan time to back out of kissing her, before finally standing up and giving him one last smile before starting her way back inside.

He wanted to call out her name, tell her to come back, and express how he really felt, but he didn’t. Instead of kissing her, he was watching her open the doors to Donahue’s as she disappeared inside.

“You are an idiot,” he mumbled to himself.

—

The third time was in his office when Olivia had brought him a muffin at the end of her shift.

“Knock, knock,” Olivia had said when she entered the room.

Ethan looked up from his pile of paperwork to see Olivia looking… not like the usual Olivia.

Her blonde hair had been neatly curled. She wore a long-sleeved, flared out red dress that ended mid-thigh with a pair of wedges and matching red earrings to go along with the outfit. She clutched a red purse in her hand with a muffin in the other.

Ethan knew she must had just gotten ready because he knew for a fact that her hair had been in a low ponytail all day, she had worn her scrubs, and there hadn’t been an ounce of makeup on her last time he had seen her which had only been around two hours again on the fourth floor.

However, he wasn’t denying that she looked stunning.

“I brought you a muffin,” she said as Ethan looked up at her in confusion from his desk. She was awfully cheery.

“Thanks?” He questioned. “Not that I don’t appreciate the muffin, but why did you bring me a muffin, Rookie?”

“One of the oncology nurses, Sarah, made some last night for her son’s bake sale today at school. She brought the leftovers with her and was kind enough to give me two. I ate one. This is the other. I thought you might be a little hungry. I know you’ve been busy today,” she replied.

His heart warmed at Olivia making a point to bring him something to snack on. He had, indeed, been extremely busy. Ethan wasn’t starving, but he was secretly thankful for the blueberry muffin wrapped in a napkin that she sat on his desk.

“I’d love to stay and talk, but I’ve got to get going,” Olivia said. “I’m supposed to be at dinner at seven thirty.” She glanced down to check the time on her phone.

That got his attention.

“Dinner?”

Olivia stuttered. “Yeah. I, uh, have a date tonight.”

Ethan bit the inside of his cheek to refrain from saying anything. He couldn’t help but feel the jealousy running rampantly through him. That explained why she was so dressed up. “Have a nice time.”

If Ethan had been paying attention, he would’ve caught the way Olivia’s face dropped at his nonchalance. He would’ve seen how the whole muffin thing was just an act to come see him. He would’ve seen that she still cared, and she wanted him to care, too.

She rocked back and forth on her wedges. “I will. See you tomorrow?”

Olivia’s hand was on the door knob, but she couldn’t bring herself to open it because she wanted him to know that if he didn’t want her to go, she wouldn’t. If he didn’t want her to move on, then she wouldn’t. All he had to do was say the words.

However, all Ethan said as finally looked back up at her was, “See you tomorrow.”

He noticed how she hovered at the door. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to jump out of his seat and tell her how he felt, yet he couldn’t. Their relationship would cost them both too much.

Ethan couldn’t risk that.

So he let her go out the door as she stopped in the doorway, looking at him a final time. Ethan couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. He was completely absorbed in the moment. He didn’t say anything as she finally nodded to herself and shut the door.

He had screwed up.

What he didn’t know was that as soon she got into the parking lot, Olivia called off the date because she, too, was feeling like she had screwed up.

—

It happened a fourth time when Grey’s Anatomy got to Olivia a little too much.

It was a Thursday on the night shift when Ethan was violently pulled into a supply closet by a certain blonde.

“Jesus Christ, Rookie! You can’t just drag people into closets whenever you feel like- what’s wrong?” He immediately asked upon catching a glimpse of her face.

Olivia wore a sad expression on her face. Her hair was up in a bun as she crossed her arms over her light blue scrubs. She was looking everywhere but at Ethan. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have kidnapped you into the closet.

Ethan frowned, trying to read into what was going on. “Did something happen?”

“No,” she mumbled. Then, although Ethan couldn’t quite hear her, Olivia mumbled a few more words.

“What? You’re going to have to speak up.”

She sighed, her face turning red. “I was watching Grey’s Anatomy last night, and there was a shooting episode. I… I sobbed for a good hour after it was over. I just- if something like that ever happens here, then just promise me you’ll stay safe.”

Ethan thought she was joking for a minute, but looking into her eyes and seeing the worry in them, he decided she must have been completely serious. “Of course I would stay safe, Liv. I wouldn’t do anything to-“

Ethan didn’t get to finish his sentence before Olivia pulled him into a big hug. He wrapped his arms around her just as tight. “It’s just a television show. Don’t let it scare you.”

“It’s just different when you’re an actual doctor, y’know? I know a lot of it isn’t like what we do every day, but still. It hits different when this is your life. We don’t ever think that today might be the last day we ever walk into Edenbrook. I just can’t help but to replay that in my head,” Olivia mumbled into his white coat as she gripped it. “I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to you.”

She pulled back to look at him. Ethan noted she still didn’t look satisfied, so he continued to talk to her. “Don’t put those thoughts into your head. Yes, anything could happen, but we just have to live life as it is and not dwell on that.”

The two suddenly became aware of the close proximity to one another. They were so close that Ethan could spot the tiny freckles that darted along Olivia’s cheeks and nose. Both of their hearts were racing, each feeling dizzy from the other’s presence.

Ethan was so close this time to leaning down and closing the gap. It took everything in him to not give into her. It physically pained him to take back his arms and drop them by his side. It hurt him even more to see the disappointed look on Olivia’s face.

He cleared his throat. “You okay now?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I should get back to my rounds.”

As Olivia left the supply closet, not looking back once, Ethan couldn’t help but feel like yanking his own hair out.

Once again, he had let his pride become bigger than his feelings.

—

It happened for the fifth time when he found Olivia splurging in vending machine food.

He found her in cafeteria off to the side where no one was sitting at three in the morning. Ethan had to do a double take when he first noticed the hunched over form that held a book in hand with a Hershey bar in the other.

“What exactly are you doing?” He asked her once he got to where she was sitting, eyeing the various snacks in her lap that she had obviously gotten from the vending machine.

She looked up from her book and patted the cushioned seat next to her. He, of course, sat down and looked over at her.

“Reading.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. Olivia always had a tendency to have sassy remarks. “No, what I meant was what are you doing at three in the morning with a bunch of sugary snacks and whatever that is you’re reading.”

Olivia flashed him the cover. “I’m reading The Selection series. I’m on the third book, and I just bought the series a week ago. The sugary snacks are to keep me awake so I don’t fall asleep before I finally finish my shift at seven.”

“What is The Selection?”

“Kind of like a royal version of The Bachelor, but Maxon is far better than any of the bachelors on that show,” Olivia answered, popping a chip into her mouth from the opened bag on the opposite seat of where Ethan was sitting. “America obviously belongs with Maxon. I don’t know why there was ever consideration about Aspen.”

“I have no idea who those people are.”

Olivia and Ethan sat on the uncomfortable chairs in the cafeteria for a good ten minutes as Olivia explained every aspect of the series. She went into depth on the characters, their traits, the storyline, and her own personal opinions.

Ethan found himself even more interested in Olivia as he watched her eyes light up as she discussed the book and ate chocolate. His heart fluttered even more when Olivia announced she had started the series in the first place because of a fourteen-year-old patient that loved it.

Olivia told him how the patient, Jade, was a cancer patient on the pediatrics floor whose favorite hobby was reading. This was her favorite series, and all she did when Olivia came in was talk about it, so Olivia bought the books and had fallen in love with it just like Jade.

She explained that Jade was terrified of the hospital, and she was even more terrified at the fact she had cancer. Olivia was reading the series so that she had something to talk to Jade about to take her mind off of everything going on.

That was the moment Ethan knew she wasn’t going to be great at her job one day like he always thought because she was already an incredible doctor.

“That’s… really good of you, Olivia,” Ethan softly said.

She smiled. “If I can take her mind off the bad stuff for just a minute, it’s worth reading this entire series.”

Ethan noticed a smudge of chocolate stuck to the corner of her mouth. Silently, he cupped his hand around her cheek, his thumb coming down to slowly wipe away the tiny bit of chocolate.

“Sorry. You had chocolate on your mouth,” he mumbled.

Ethan didn’t remove his hand. Instead, it continued to rest on her cheek. Olivia didn’t bother to remove it, the open book still sitting in her lap. He could hear her nervously gulp from where he was at.

She had slowly moved closer on instinct, her hand coming up to rest against his that was on her cheek. They were close again, much like many other times that they both recalled. However, unlike the other times, Ethan was about to give in this time.

He didn’t get the chance to when his pager went off, startling both of the doctors. Ethan didn’t say anything as he stood up, removing his hand from her cheek. He gave her one last look before walking out of the cafeteria on his way to a whole other floor.

He knew it would only be a matter of time before he finally did give in to the blonde doctor that read her patients’ favorite books.

And Ethan wanted to give in.

—

The one time he did give in was when Olivia brought a fruit tray to his apartment.

A thump on his apartment door interrupted Ethan late at night. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, prying them away from his laptop where he was doing research work before he went to the door only to see Olivia standing outside.

He looked at her to see her standing in black, lint-covered leggings, a large sweater, and a whole fruit tray in her hand. Her blonde hair was braided, probably by Sienna, into a side braid that very much suited her.

“What are you doing at my apartment in the middle of the night with a fruit tray?” He questioned her.

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you if you’ll let me in. It’s November, Ethan. I’m freezing out here.”

He opened the door wider and motioned for her to come in. She took off her shoes at the door before turning to Ethan. “Do you want to share this fruit tray with me?”

Ethan looked at her incredulously. “Olivia, it’s two in the morning. What are you doing with a fruit tray?”

Olivia shrugged. “it’s been sitting in our refrigerator at the apartment, and no one will eat it. I didn’t want it to go to waste, so I thought I’d see if you wanted to share it with me. I don’t like pineapple, and I’m just not crazy about watermelon, so you’re welcome to eat all of those sections. We have to share the grapes, strawberries, and blueberries.”

“Did it occur to you that I might have been asleep?”

“No because you’ve been working on some research. I had a feeling you’d be up working, and I was right.” Olivia sat on the couch, motioning Ethan to come sit next to her.

Jenner sat beside of Olivia, happy to see her to which she sat the fruit tray down on the coffee table in front of her to scratch behind Jenner’s ears and tell him what a “good boy” he was.

Ethan liked the sight in front of him. Olivia on his couch in the middle of the night with Jenner. The fruit tray was something that he hadn’t seen coming, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy her company no matter how many headaches she gave him sometimes.

“So,” Ethan drawled as Olivia held the fruit tray out to him. He grabbed a piece of pineapple and took a bite out of it. “How did your sister do when she had the baby.”

Olivia grinned. “She said she did good, and it didn’t hurt as bad as she thought it would. I’d show you pictures, but I left my phone back at the apartment. She’s precious. I can’t wait to meet her when I go home for Thanksgiving in two weeks.”

Ethan popped a grape into his mouth at the same time as Olivia bit into a strawberry. “That’s good to hear. How did your date go that night? I never got to ask.”

Olivia hesitated to answer, and Ethan clearly noticed her hesitation. He couldn’t help but worry that maybe it had gone great, and Olivia was about to tell him she had met the person she thought she was going to marry or something else extreme.

“I didn’t go,” she admitted, plucking at the strawberry she held in her hand, suddenly becoming very interested in it. “I, uh, called him when I got in the parking lot and told him I didn’t think a date was a good idea.”

“Why did you do that?” Ethan asked even though he had a feeling he knew the answer.

“Because he’s a doctor, but he’s not the doctor I want. He’s not the one that lets me into his apartment in the middle of the night with a fruit tray in my hand because I wanted an excuse just to come talk to him. He isn’t the one that listens me to talk about books when I’m on a sugar rush. He isn’t the one who always reassures me.”

Olivia paused for a moment before she said, “He’s a nice guy, but he just isn’t you.”

She took the last bite of her strawberry to try and ease some of the tension. Ethan noticed her eyes looking everywhere except for at him.

With no warning, his hand came around to the back of her neck, pulling her in to finally close the distance in the way he had wanted to for weeks now. Ethan didn’t allow himself to talk him out of doing it. This was Olivia, and she was worth everything.

He could taste the strawberries on her breath as he moved his lips against her, capturing everything Ethan had wanted to tell her for so long. The kiss screamed that he was wrong. The kiss conveyed the message that he wanted her.

Olivia pulled back and smiled. “You taste like grapes.”

Ethan laughed. “You taste like strawberries.”

She suddenly got serious as she intertwined their hands. “What are we doing? Because I don’t want to play games, Ethan. I’m telling you that I want you, but I need you to be upfront with me.”

“I want you, too.”

This time, Olivia pulled him into the kiss, mustering up every ounce of love she held for him and pouring it into the kiss. Ethan reciprocated, letting his worrying mind finally leave him alone for once.

For the first time in weeks, Ethan hadn’t felt like he screwed up.

[bamby0304]

The Hart III: Secrets

Chapter 19: Smoke and Mirrors

Series Masterlist

Summary: Three months… Dean was gone for three months and now he’s back. He’s back and he truly has no idea how much things have changed. Life moved on while Dean was in Hell, and now things are complicated. With new faces and troubles right around the corner, will the trio find a way to come back together? Or has all hope been lost?

Warning: Angst. Magic.

A/N: I won’t be doing taglists anymore, so if you want to know when I post stories follow @bambys-library​ :)

Bamby

EPOV

Hands shoved into the pockets of my 'FBI' coat, I followed a step behind Sam and Dean as we walked down a street in Las Vegas. But we weren't here for fun. No gambling for us, unfortunately. No. This was all about a job.

As we crossed the street, we neared a gathering people standing around a man dressed in black leather, and ripped jeans, with dark hair and eyeliner.

"This, this isn't a trick, okay?" the man told the audience as he shuffled some cards. "I- I- I don't do tricks. This is a demonstration. About demons and angels. Love and lust. All that stuff mixed up in my head."

"What a douchebag," Dean mumbled as we came to stand with the crowd.

I looked to the side, glancing at the camera person and microphone person as they focused on the man.

"That's Jeb Dexter," Sam noted.

Dean looked up at him, confused. "I don't even want to know how you know that."

Sam just shrugged. "He's famous, kind of."

"For what? Douchebaggery?"

I held back a laugh at Dean's disapproving attitude. "It's entertainment, Winchester." I smirked, looking up at the older brother.

He looked down at me, surprised for a moment before he returned my grin with a smirk of his own.

Jeb's voice pulled our attention back to him as he kept talking to the crowd. "But whatever happens, no matter how messed up it gets, don't touch me, okay? For your own safety, " he warned before inhaling deeply.

After a moment, he closed his eyes and exhaled, focusing as he shifted on the spot. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, letting the air out again.

Suddenly he gasped as he began to shake as if having a seizure. With one hand, he grabbed the deck of cards that sat in the other hand as he opened his eyes enough so we could only see the whites.

"Go back to hell, demon!" Flinging the cards at the window behind him, we all watched as one of the cards stuck to the glass. The ace of diamonds. Reaching forward, Jeb ran his hand over the card, only to reveal that it was on the other side of the glass now. "Is this your card?" he asked a woman in the audience.

Applause broke out in the crowd.

"You've got to be kidding me. A fake demon possession?" Dean shook his head as he turned to walk away. "I can't believe people actually fall for that crap."

"It's not all crap," Sam argued as the two of us followed Dean.

"What part of that was not a steaming pile of BS?" Dean asked, gesturing back to Jeb and the people surrounding him.

Sam gave a short nod, agreeing with Dean there. "Okay, that was crap, but that's not all magicians. It takes skill."

Stopping in his tracks, Dean turned to his brother, grinning. "Oh, right, right, I forgot. You were actually into this stuff, weren't you?"

A smile spread across my lips. "Really?"

Turning to me, Dean was clearly enjoying the fact he was embarrassing his brother. "I mean, he had like a deck of cards, a wand and everything," he told me.

I had to fight back the laugh bubbling in my chest. Sam Winchester, an aspiring magician. Now that's something I would have wanted to see.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dude, I was thirteen. It was a phase."

Shaking his head, Dean shrugged. "Just... it bugs me. You know, playing at demons and, and magic, when the real thing will kill you bloody."

"Like a guy who drops dead of ten stab wounds without a single tear in his shirt?" Sam noted, talking about the case.

Dean gave a sharp nod as he started to walk again. "That's what I'm talking about."

DPOV

In the victim's hotel room, Liz, Sam and I were in the process of asking his assistant some questions while she packed up all of Vance's- the victim's- things.

"So, did your boss have any enemies that you know of?" I asked.

The assistant nodded. "Vance had plenty of enemies." Leaning down, she grabbed the end of a series of tied-together handkerchiefs and began to pull them out of a bag to wrap them up.

"How so?" Sam questioned.

The assistant shrugged. "He would steal from other magicians. All the time."

"What would he steal?" Liz asked while I frowned at the handkerchief rope that just kept coming out of the bag as if it would never end.

See, this is one of the reasons why I didn't like this kind of magic. I just didn't understand why it was so interesting. A never-ending rope of handkerchiefs? Where's the magic in that? How is it supposed to be entertaining?

That's another thing. Magic is not supposed to be entertaining. It's dangerous. Deadly. Real magic? It ends in death, and torture and mayhem. Real magic? It's messy and gross and bloody.

"Stage effects, closeup techniques," the assistant answered, the rope finally coming to an end. "Anything he could get his hands on."

Pulling my attention back to the assistant, I asked the next question. "Is that enough to get him killed?"

"These guys take this stuff pretty seriously," she noted as she reached over to remove a cloth from a table, revealing a white rabbit. "There you are." Bending down, she picked the rabbit up as I spoke again.

"Did you find anything weird in Vance's stuff? Well, weirder?"

"Matter of fact, I did." Putting the rabbit in a bag, she then pulled something out of a pocket of a cape before showing us the object.

It was a tarot card, the Ten of Swords. The picture on the card was of a man lying on the ground with ten swords sticking into his back.

"I'm guessing this didn't belong to Vance," Sam noted as he reached forward to take the car.

The assistant shook her head. "He hated card tricks. Never wanted them around. Let alone in his precious cape."

EPOV

While Sam was off doing some research, Dean and I walked into a theatre to find a possible lead. Up the front, on top of the stage, hung a sign. The Incredible Jay over the Table of Death. Under that sign of Jeb, on the phone, clearly annoyed and pissed.

"It's a lame gig. I'm in a fleabag hotel doing this man-of-the-people crap, and freaking Angel's in Vegas doing Cirque du Soleil! That should have been mine." He shook his head, even though the person on the other end of the phone couldn't see him. Hanging up, he sat down at a table, across from an older man while the camera crew hovered. "All right, boys, get it in gear, I don't got all day."

Dean and I moved to a table near Jeb's where two older men sat, watching the interview between Jeb and the other older man.

"You Vernon Haskell?" Dean asked as he sat behind the man he was addressing.

"Who's asking?"

"Federal agent, Ulrich. This is my partner, Agent Hetfield," Dean introduced as the two of us pulled out our FBI IDs. "We're looking into the death of Patrick Vance."

Our attention was pulled back to Jeb as he started the interview. "I'm Jeb Dexter. This is Devil Twist. We're chilling at the International Magicians' Convention, which is a dope chance to tip my hat to the wicked cats who came before me. Smoking hot effect last night, Jim."

"Jay," the older man corrected.

Jeb frowned at him, clearly confused. "Huh?"

"My name is Jay."

"Yeah, whatever." Jeb waved Jay off. "We can loop it later."

Vernon shook his head at the younger magician. "What a douchebag."

"Couldn't agree more." Dean grinned as I held back a chuckle. "Is, uh," he pulled the Ten of Swords card out from his pocket, "this familiar to you?"

Turning to give the card a glance, Vernon shrugged as he focused on Jeb and Jay again. "Should it be?"

"Well, we heard that you used tarot cards in your act," Dean noted.

"My act?" Vernon let out a humous laugh. "That was a long time ago. I haven't touched a deck in years, you know..." He held up his hand, showing us how shaky it was.

"Well, do you know anyone who might use them now?" I asked.

Vernon thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Well, there was a guy down on Bleeker Street."

"Oh, yeah. He, he peddles that kind of specialty stuff," the man with Vernon added.

Dean looked to the two men. "Did he have a problem with Vance?"

"Matter of fact, Vance crossed him about a year ago," Vernon answered, voice slightly hushed. "Probably cost him fifty grand in royalties," he added, the man next to him nodding confirmation.

"Would you happen to know where this person is?" I asked as Dean tucked the tarot card back into the pocket of his jacket.

"Four twenty-six Bleeker," Vernon answered without missing a beat.

"Ask for Chief," his friend added.

"Chief?" Dean asked, getting a nod in return. "Thank you." He gave Vernon a pat on the back as the two of us stood, leaving.

...

"Stay close to me," Dean told me as we walked down the creepy looking street, heading for the building Vernon and his friend directed us to.

I wasn't feeling too good about this. The lonely street. The sirens in the background. The dark night. The unending possibilities of danger lurking in every corner of the place. It just wasn't sitting right with me.

Coming to stop at the door of the building we were looking for, Dean knocked on the bars of the door before taking half a step back so he stood closer to me.

The chain-link door inside swung open, revealing a man dressed in black, who looked the two of us up and down.

Trying to play it cool, Dean moved another inch or so closer to me as he spoke to the man. "We're, uh… here to see Chief."

Raising an eyebrow, the guy looked us over once more before opening the door without a word. Stepping to the side, he gestured for us to enter, which we did.

The moment I stepped over the threshold, Dean's hand found its way into mine. I was startled for a moment but didn't question or stop him. I knew he was just being his protective self, so I let him hold my hand as we moved through the dark and mysterious building, following the man as he took us down to the basement.

As we came to a stop, the man turned to us. "Stay here. Don't touch anything," was all he said before he walked off.

Once we were alone, I turned to Dean, shaking my head. "I don't like this."

Looking around, I tried to ignore the gut-wrenching feeling inside me that was screaming at me, telling me to get out of there. The graffiti on the walls, exposed pipes, and dark atmosphere, it all seemed to increase the suspicion growing inside me.

Suddenly some music started playing in the background. We could hear the thumping of the bass get louder as a door opened, the light on the other side streaming in. Another man walked into the room, climbing the stairs, the light coming in from behind him making it hard to get a good look of the guy. That was until he stepped closer...

The was dressed in all leather, carrying a flogger which he used to slap his hand a few times. "You are really gonna get it tonight." He grinned at the two of us.

Dean moved a little closer to me as he tried to explain our way out of his. "There's been a misunderstanding." He grinned, just as embarrassed as I suddenly felt. "I, uh, think we've been had."

"Oh, you ain't been had till you been had by the Chief." The Chief smirked for a moment before he quickly added, "Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe-word?"

Oh, my God...

SPOV

Sitting in the motel room, doing some research on my laptop, I looked up at the sound of a knock on the door. Getting out of my seat, I walked around to go check to see who might be here. As I looked through the peephole, I let out a sigh, seeing Ruby on the other side.

Opening the door, I looked down at her. "What are you doing here, Ruby?"

Arms crossed over her chest, she looked as annoyed as I felt. "I should be asking you the same thing," she countered, pushing past me and into the room.

Closing the door, I followed her to the middle of the room. "I'm working a job."

"The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire, and you're in Magictown, USA."

I let out a short, bitter laugh. "You got something against magic?"

"That would almost be funny if thirty-four seals hadn't been broken already." She gave me an exasperated look. "Thirty-four, Sam. That's over halfway. The angels are losing this war. Every day is one day closer, and if someone doesn't do something soon-"

I cut her off, "And that someone is me?"

"Who else would it be? Lizzie?"

"Leave her out of this." If I didn't want anything to do with the end of the world, there was no way I was letting Lizzie deal with it. Not the way Ruby was talking about. "Look, I don't know where these seals are. I don't know squat. So why don't you tell me where you'd like me to start?"

"Well, you can quit dicking around here, for one. Bigger fish, Sam. And if the seals are being broken, you might want to go after the one doing the breaking."

"Lilith?"

"Cut the head off the snake. You're the only one who can stop her, Sam." She stepped up to me. "So, step up and kill the little bitch," she said as she passed me to stand on the other side of the room.

"Oh, I'm game, believe me," I assured her as I moved to where she'd been standing before. "It's not the psychic thing I got a problem with."

"Yeah, I know what you got a problem with, but tough. It's the only way."

"No." It was that simple.

"You know, this would all be so much easier if you'd just admit to yourself that you like it. That feeling that it gives you."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I don't, huh? Fine." She moved to leave, only to stop herself. "It's simple. Lucifer rises, the apocalypse starts. You think that you have blood on your hands now? People are gonna die, Sam. Oceans of people. So, you just let me know when you're ready." This time, she didn't stop, she just left.

DPOV

Back in the theatre, Liz and I headed over to where Sam stood, waiting for us. Liz and I hadn't really talked about what happened at the Chief's. It was awkward. Not because something happened, nothing happened, really. Once we explained the situation, the Chief was pretty understanding. Apparently, people got tricked into going there a lot.

No, the awkward part was what happened after. When Liz and I were in the dark street again. Standing there, in silence, thinking over what had just happened, and all the memories it brought up. Memories of us.

There was no point in denying my feelings anymore. I liked Liz. I knew. Sam knew it. I was pretty sure Liz did, too. So, standing there, in the ally, by ourselves... yeah it had been awkward.

"Find anything interesting?" I asked Sam as we reached him.

He turned to us. "What? Uh, no. You?"

I shook my head. "Nothing I want to talk about, or think about, ever again." There was no way I was telling him about the Chief. So, instead, I started towards Vernon and his friend as they stood closer to the stage. "The Chief, huh?"

They both turned to Liz, Sam and I, Vernon's friend smirking at us. "What's the matter? Chief not your type?"

I grinned back, but was clearly unamused. "You know, I could have you both arrested for obstruction of justice."

"How? You're no Fed," Vernon stated simply.

"We con people for a living, son," his friend added. "Takes more than a fake badge to get past us."

I let out a nervous laugh, our cover was blown. "You got us. Yeah, we- we are actually- aspiring magicians," I lied.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, we- we came to the convention 'cause we thought we could learn something."

"To get some idea for our new show," Liz finished.

Vernon looked intrigued. "Ooh, what kind of show?"

"Well, it's- it's a-"

When I stumbled on thinking something up, Sam saved the day. "It's a brother act."

"And I'm their assistant," Liz quickly added.

I went on with the lie, trying to make it sound believable. "Yeah. Yeah, you know, with the rings and doves and... rings."

Before anyone else could say more, applause broke out in the gathering audience as someone spoke into a microphone, introducing an act. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Incredible Jay."

"You want to learn something? Stick around." Vernon's friend gestured to the stage where Jay- the guy who Jeb had interviewed earlier- stood.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jay addressed the audience, "what you're about to witness is a feat so daring, So dangerous, even the great Houdini dared not attempt it. I give to you...The Executioner!" Suddenly, a noose fell from the roof as the crowd 'oohed' and 'ahhed'.

...

Jay was now strapped into a straightjacket, the noose around his neck as someone from the audience checked to make sure that he was in fact, securely strapped in.

"Now, sir, as you can see, this jacket is the real article. Thank you, sir." Jay nodded to the man. "You may take your seat." Once the man was off the stage, Jay addressed everyone again. "Now, I will have one minute, sixty seconds, to escape certain death. Let's see if I can do it."

A curtain fell in front of Jay, so only his silhouette can be seen and he began to struggle and a time started to tick away.

He continues to try and escape, but as far as I could see, he wasn't getting anywhere. He was still firming strapped into the jacket.

"I don't think he's gonna make it," I mumbled to Liz and Sam.

The timer kept ticking down. Twenty-five seconds. Twenty. Fifteen. Yet he still wasn't out. There was no change.

As the clock reached ten seconds, Liz's hand grabbed mine, squeezing it tightly. I looked over at her, seeing her eyes wide with fear and anticipation. Turning back to the stage, I watched as the timed clicked to zero and the bottom under Jay fell away, leaving him hanging.

People cried out, gasped, stood and looked away as the lights changed so we could no longer see the silhouette.

But the curtains were then pushed aside, revealing Jay, standing there, unharmed and out of the noose and jacket.

People cheered and applauded the act as Jay gave a bow.

"Oh! That was amazing!" I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. "That was freakin' amazing!"

But Sam shook his head, looking at the stage, confused. "That was... not humanly possible."

Bamby

[rantingwriter]

Body Guard (Levi x Reader)

Day 1

I still don’t fully understand what happened...I was at work at the behavioral hospital, some big dark GMC type car pulls up, and now I’m riding in the backseat getting told I’m actually related to some big shot that’s being threatened and everyone she holds dear is in danger. “Can you please elaborate how someone I’ve never met...holds me dear…?” 

“Your dad was her secret lover when he was working at her company. She has kept tabs on you for years and even sent him money for child support. There, all caught up.” The stoic man with sharp, narrow blue eyes, who also looks really tired, sighs in exasperation. He cards his fingers through his straight black hair and looks at me through the rearview mirror. I am still reeling, I have a mom and dad who are happily married, but now I’ve got a mom who I’ve never met? “Geez, what’s so complicated about this for you?” 

“My current mom is not my mom, my real mom is some bigshot that pissed somebody off that’s more violent than my psychosis patients, and I’m in the back of a fucking car that should only be used for this scenario in movies!” I’m starting to freak out when a voice comes over the radio. 

“Captain, you lack delicacy…” It sounds like a woman, “don’t worry [f/n], you are safe with us.” 

“W-Who are you?” I try to sit forward and look around, a hand pulling me back into my seat. “WhO?!” 

“Please stay seated, that’s just Petra.” Another woman with glasses and her hair up in a ponytail is looming over me. “We’ve got a team ready to protect you and we’ve already taken care of your job since you won’t be able to leave once we get you to our safe house.” 

“Safe house? What about my parents? M-My cats?!” 

“They have been picked up by our second team and taken to a separate location.” The driver sharply turns down a backroad. “We’ll fill you in on everything at the safe house. Just sit still and shut up.” I tried to relax in the backseat, but it was impossible to relax with all this new information careening around in my brain. Before long we roll up to a townhouse and I am led inside. It’s nicer on the inside than it looks on the outside, my stuff is already here too. The driver starts barking orders to the other members of his team, soon enough it was just the two of us standing in the living room. “I sent for dinner, you go wash up.” 

“C-Can I at least get your name?”  

“Levi, I’ll be staying with you in the house. The others will man the outside.” 

“Okay, nice to meet you.” He simply nods and goes to do what I can only assume is his bodyguard duties. I go to get showered up and process my thoughts. It’s way too much to handle all at once. 

Day 3

It’s been a couple of days. I’m still reeling, been crying myself to sleep from fear at night, but overall...I guess I’m okay? “Hey, you look like shit.” 

I jolted at Levi’s sudden comment, “gee thanks…” I wipe at my eyes, they feel puffy and dry. 

He stares at me a long moment, before extending me a cup of coffee. “I know it’s rough the first couple of nights, you’ll adjust.” 

I take the cup and inhale the aroma of coffee, “If you say so…” I take a sip and make a face at how bitter it is. I grab the creamer from the fridge and add some more to the little cup. Levi says nothing, he just watches me as he leans against the counter. I don’t understand why he insists on watching my every move, it’s like he’s studying me or something. I eat some breakfast and go to the living room to play on my laptop. Before I can do anything online, the muscular guy snatches the device. “Hey!” 

“Do not sign into anything, they’ll be able to track you if you do.” He goes through and logs me out of everything I usually use. 

“B-But-”

“No buts, nothing that can be tracked.” He finally hands it back to me and sits in the nearby armchair. I simply sigh and try to enjoy some me time with the stoic statue in the room. 

Day 7

I’m starting to wonder if Levi’s constant staring at me is simply his way of learning about me. He has been making my coffee exactly how I like it without me saying anything. He has been paying attention to what I like to eat. If we weren’t basically living together, I would be super creeped out by his attention to details. It’s honestly really sweet and I think he is growing on me a little. “Hey, [f/n], want to go somewhere?” 

“I thought I couldn’t leave the safe house,” I was putting away my laundry when he came into the room. 

“We can go somewhere so long as it’s visible for the team and not super crowded.” 

“What’s even in this area?” 

“Some restaurants, a park, we might be able to swing a movie theater, and one of those animal cafes.” He doesn’t sound very excited about any of the options. 

“I’d like to go to the movies and m-maybe the café afterwards?” 

He does his signature stare at me, “we’ll see. We’ll start with the movie at least.” I smile and hurry to get my shoes on, we go to the local movie theater and Levi keeps me close to his side the whole time. Once we are seated, he drapes an arm over my shoulders and whispers. “Best to look like we are dating while we are out of the house.” 

“O-Okay…” I’ve never heard of this kind of tactic in all of those movies and games involving bodyguards. Or maybe I just never found those specific ones. He idly moves his fingers along my upper arm. His touch is giving me goosebumps. The movie goes by without a hitch and we are able to visit the animal café. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until a cat curled up in my lap while I tried to eat a slice of cake. I also try to make small talk with the quiet bodyguard, but he has his guard up constantly. It’s hard to get any information about him personally or otherwise. I’m almost finished with my cake when he suddenly pulls me out of my seat and throws the table up as protection. My ears are ringing from the sudden downpour of bullets that destroy the little café. Animals and people alike scatter trying to find safety. Levi yells into his earpiece for his team to engage. I can only tremble in fear as the man shields me. When the gunfire finally stops, he leads me out the back and we are forced to relocate to a new safehouse. 

Day 10

I’m struggling with sleep again, I think Levi is starting to take notice. “Do you need me to start sitting in the room at night?” 

“How would that help?” I’m a little snappy, I don’t mean to be.

“It’s just a suggestion,” he seems unfazed by my words. 

I sigh and sip my coffee, “it’s worth a shot, I’m not sure what else to do at this point.” 

He sets his cup down and grabs my wrist, half dragging me to the couch where he sits down and pulls me down to join him. “Lay down.” 

“I’m not napping, if I can’t sleep how can I-” He cuts my protests off by guiding my head into his lap, I feel my face turn red hot at the realization of my position. 

“Just shut up and try.” I couldn’t see it, but he was hiding his face in his hand. Sure enough his little experiment works and I finally get a little sleep. 

Day 15

Levi’s been staying in my room for nearly a week now and I’m surprised to say it’s helping a lot. His presence lately has brought a great source of comfort and also been generating some...feelings...I don’t know what to do about it. He is my bodyguard, he is just doing a job. “Hey…” I can’t believe I’m about to ask him this. “Have you ever...caught feelings for a client?” 

“No, never.” His stoic stare is unwavering. “Why?” 

“Just curious…” I need to just do what I usually do, bury these feelings deep down inside until it festers and then slowly rots away over the course of a few years...or until he does something that just kills the feelings all together. 

“Do you feel like trying to go out in public again?” 

“Not really, getting shot at once was enough.” I turn to take care of something when next thing I know I’m on the ground with Levi hovering over me. Jesus, this is not helping! 

“Damn it, we are under fire!” Despite the fact he is yelling, my ears are ringing enough I can barely hear him. How did these guys find us again? We haven’t been out of the safe house at all! Levi leads me to a secret exit and he drops his ear piece and has me ditch basically every electronic. We take the car we’ve been using and ditch it in the middle of town before getting set up in a motel. He pays in cash and uses a fake name, I’m pretty sure the receptionist thinks I’m a mistress or something. We get in the room and he starts frisking me. 

“Whoa, what are you doing? What what what are you doing?” I feel my whole body goes warm at his touch. 

“I’m checking for anything that might have been placed on you to track us. I’ve purposefully gone dark in case it’s a mole in the ranks.” He stops frisking me and suddenly starts stripping his clothes off. 

“Whoa! A warning would’ve been nice!” My heart can’t handle all of this. He says nothing as he inspects all of his clothes. 

“Okay, looks like we are safe, I’ll sweep the room for bugs and then go get us some new clothes. Will you be alright alone for a couple of hours?” 

“I-I think so?” I feel anxious at the thought after being shot at again mere hours ago. 

“Lock the door, do not open it until you hear this knock.” He completes a little sequence on the coffee table. “Can you remember that?” 

“Y-Yeah, okay, got it.” He goes around the room to check for any secret cameras or microphones or anything out of the ordinary before running off to resupply everything we left behind. I’m ready for this madness to stop.

Day 20

There is tension, I can feel it! Ever since we were downgraded to this motel and basically forced to stay in the same room day and night it’s been harder and harder to ignore my budding feelings for the bodyguard. He just stares at me half the time, the other half we are sleeping. On top of that there is only one bed and I’m starting to feel bad that I’m the only one using it. He swears he is fine in the chair, but I don’t believe him. “I’m going to take a shower, are you getting hungry?” 

“Yeah, a bit.” I can feel his eyes on me as I go into the tiny bathroom. I shower up and try to relax under the hot water. It’s only after I turn the shower off I realize I didn’t grab clothes to change into. I tightly wrap my towel around me and venture cautiously out into the room. Levi hasn’t moved. 

“I...forgot to grab my clothes…” I try to break the awkward silence, but it only proves to make things more awkward for me. “C-Could you look away for a moment?” He doesn’t move his head, only his eyes as he looks off to the side. I turn so my back is to him as I pull my clothes on to get ready for bed. I’m not used to wearing half the stuff he bought the other day, but at least they fit. I turn and run straight into him, when did he get behind me?! “S-Sorry, do you need something?” 

His face is harder to read than usual, I can’t tell if he is pissed about something or what, but it’s starting to scare me. Before I can try to awkwardly fill the silence void, he simply replies “you.” 

“W-What?!” 

He leans closer to my face, “I need you.” He closes the distance and presses his lips to mine. I instantly melt into the kiss and drop my towel on the floor. He backs me up to the bed and we both fall back onto it. The rest of the night is a hot and steamy blur as we made love. He was surprisingly gentle at first, but that didn’t last once he was sure I was okay. In the morning I’m surprised to find him still in bed with me, his arm draped over my side. 

Day 30

They finally located us and gave us the all clear, they caught the guys and I can return to my life as it was. But...I don’t want to. They are already trying to assign Levi elsewhere and I can’t imagine being apart from him now. I can’t exactly go with him on jobs and I doubt they have local work. Is this really going to be goodbye forever? “[F/n]?” I am startled out of my thoughts by a tall blond man with one arm. 

“Yes?” I have to crane my neck a little to see his face. 

“Your biological mother has extended an invitation for you to go live with her.” 

“Really? I...wow, I’m not sure how to respond to that.” 

“She also requested that the one who kept you safe joins her new permanent security detail.” This catches my attention. “He said he would gladly take it, but he requested that you be there too. He didn’t specify why.” I feel my cheeks turn red as I consider the offer. 

“S-Sure, I’d like to get to know my mom and I’d hate for her to not get such a well trained bodyguard on her team.” I try really hard to cover up my excitement. 

“Alright, that settles the matter, I will make arrangements to have your belongings transported over there. Levi will give you a ride.” I see him pull up behind the blond man as if on cue. I thank the mystery man and rush to see Levi. He gives me an emotionally charged kiss as soon as the door shuts behind me. 

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me did you?” He smirks as he backs up to look me in the eyes. 

“No, I figured you wouldn’t be gone that easily.” He gives me one more kiss before driving off towards my soon to be new home. I honestly can’t believe how much happened in the span of a month.

Day ???

“What’s this scar from?” I point to one on his forearm as we snuggle in my bed. 

“That was from a knife fight I got into as a kid.” He holds the scarred arm up while his other holds me to him. 

“Why were you in a knife fight?” I rest my cheek against his bare chest. 

“I had an uncle that figured I would be better off learning the ways of knife fighting instead of going to actual school. Oddly enough it worked out.” He puts his arm down and tucks some stray hair behind my ear. 

“Would you teach me knife fighting?” 

“Hell no, I’ve got a track record of unscathed clients to upkeep.”

“But I’m not a client anymore.” 

“Still no, I will teach you some self defense if you want to learn to defend yourself.” 

“Deal!” He gives a rare chuckle as he shifts to get more comfortable. “Aren’t you supposed to be on rounds this morning?” 

He shrugs, “I’m sleeping with the boss's daughter, I think I have some immunity.”

“Are you sure about that? Think about what you just said.” He takes a moment then moves to get out of bed. 

“Fair point, I’ll see you after work.” He pulls his pants on then turns to give me one last kiss. Gotta admit, despite the chaos that prompted our meeting, I’m glad it happened.

[i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle]

Chapter 25: Starlight’s Mother, Part 1 - Who Was She?

The Elements of Harmony and the CMC are on their way to town to search for Starlight. While there, they walk by Trixie’s wagon. Trixie opens up the side and sees the group walking by.

Trixie: Heeeeeeeeey! Twilight and Friends!

The group stops and turns toward Trixie who’s waving to them, they decide to go see her in case maybe Trixie knows where Starlight is.

Twilight: Hi Trixie! Good to see you.

Trixie: Same to all of you, did you enjoy Trixie’s performance last night?

Trixie grins smugly, hoping for some more praise

Sweetie: That was pretty cool how you got yourself and Starlight to fit into that lamp without being a genie. And your horn didn��t even glow! I can’t even imagine how that worked out...

Scootaloo: Maybe there was a secret escape under the bottom of the lamp?

Apple Bloom: But even then, Trixie would o’ still had t’ squeeze her and Starlight though such ah tight space!

Scootaloo: True, but didn’t Big Mac once accidentally squish you so hard you went down the berry squish drain during the Sisterhooves Social?

Apple Bloom: Well yeah… though this was certainly still ah different method then the sheer force o’ weight…

Sweetie: Are we more liquid then we thought?

The CMC continue to ponder more on how Trixie did what she did. While the rest giggle knowing it was just something Trixie wished for from Twilight’s genie magic.

Twilight: You had a good show, Trixie. Though while we’re stopping by, I don’t suppose you know where Starlight is right now? I know you told me last night that Starlight wanted to see me when I was available today.

Trixie: Well... coincidentally she’s probably looking for you right now! I think she headed to Saddle Arabia using the portal gum expecting you to be back at the palace.

Twilight: Uh oh, I don’t know if I should go to Saddle Arabia in case she happens to gum portal back to town, and we just end up traveling in circles. I feel like she’ll come across Princess Celestia, Malakhar, Kubuya, or the Sultan. She’ll ask them where I am and they’ll say I’m likely at…

Twilight widens eyes briefly

Twilight: Sweet… Apple… Acres… Oh no! We better go back… We should of just stayed at the farm!

Trixie: Oh Twilight, is it ok if I come with?

Twilight: Of course, Trixie! Come with us!

Trixie opens the exit of her wagon and starts galloping along with the group back to Sweet Apple Acres. They quickly get back to the gates of the farm, but then they hear a scream.

Twilight: That sounds like Starlight! Come on, she might be in trouble!

They get closer to the farm house before they hear Starlight’s voice again

Starlight: APPPPLLLLLEEEEEEJAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKK!

Starlight is then seen running from the other side of the house straight to the other side where the Elements, the CMC, and Trixie are. Starlight heads straight over to Applejack. She’s shaking, and terrified.

Applejack: Starlight, what’s wrong?!

Starlight: Applejack! I think your house is haunted!

Applejack: Haunted?! What do ya mean?

Starlight: You’re probably going to think I went insane… but when I got here looking for Twilight after Princess Celestia informed me at the palace that she’d likely be here… I came by the backdoor of your house and peeked into the windows… and I saw these transparent, glowing ghosts of your parents!

Applejack chuckles as she’s aware that this would have made her an emotional wreck just hours ago, and also expresses relief that Starlight is ok. 

Applejack: Oh? Is that all? Ya’ll had me worried fo’ ah moment!

Starlight goes wide-eyed, she thought Applejack was going to be surprised that somepony has seen ghosts of her parents.

Starlight: WHAT?! How can you respond like this isn’t a big deal?!

Applejack: Well… ah mean… it would o’ been ah big deal just ah few hours ago… and it even took ah little while t’ convince me even after they appeared… But Twilight and Spike summoned mah parents’ spirits using Spike’s Dragon Tear. It’s capable o’ bringing down the deceased souls all the way down from space!

Starlight flails her hooves as she looks absolutely incredulous

Starlight: Since when could it do that?! Since when have we found out the dead go to space?!

Twilight: Ohohoho… Believe me, Starlight… it has been an absolutely crazy day…

Twilight and the others proceed to recap to Starlight what they talked about around Pear Butter and Bright Mac’s spirits. Starlight just holding her fore hooves on the sides of her head hearing everything that’s been learned in just the past few hours.

Starlight: So let me get this straight… we can bring back the dead as spirits with the Dragon’s Tear… the sun and moon wouldn’t be able to move without our magic… plus our planet doesn’t rotate… the souls of the deceased join some big shield invisible to us orbiting around our planet and moon… said souls protect us from outside threats in space… Life is magic… Genies and thus Twilight is at least PART spirit… and the planet is alive?!

The rest of the group nods, though Trixie herself is also kind of freaking out since she hasn’t heard all this either.

Trixie: And all of you are taking this calmly like it’s already some common knowledge?!

Twilight: Oh we freaked out alright. We just kind of already got most of it out of the way. It’s still kind of all swirling in my head to be honest… *Twilight spins her eyes*

Starlight: This is just insane… the fact that Applejack is calm during this means it is true… she’s the element of Honesty. She couldn’t lie, or at the very least… wouldn’t be able to hold a straight face very easily if any of this was not real…

Applejack: Like ah said, it did take some time fo’ me t’ acknowledge much o’ this as the truth. But considering just moments before ah was told all this, mah parent’s spirits were summoned… there’s just about no way ah could really object. It’d have t’ be one heck o’ ah conspiracy t’ say both ponies that are living AND dead have conspired together including mah own parents t’ peddle ah lie… especially since there’s really only been one time before all this that ah Dragon’s Tear has brought spirits down. And that was ah long time ago when Jinn was still around…

Starlight: Just let me take some deep breaths, then I can finally be calm and proceed to tell you what I wanted to see you about.

Starlight takes a few moments to do a breathing exercise as all the things she was just told swirl in her head. She still kinda shakes a little or her ear twitches thinking about all the crazy but true facts about their world as well as life and death. But eventually, she gets back to a relatively normal state with a determined look on her face.

Starlight: Ok… Twilight… it’s time.

Twilight walks on over to the front of Starlight with a determined look of her own.

Twilight: Yes, it is…

Starlight / Twilight: Please, help me find my mother! / I’m gonna help you find your mother!

Starlight & Twilight: Wait… How did you know?!

Starlight / Twilight: Applejack must of told you! / Applejack told me!

Starlight & Twilight: Maybe we should stop talking simultaneously?

The two giggle a little bit before ultimately the subject matter of finding Starlight’s mother puts a rather heavy air around the area.

Twilight: Before we go to try finding your mother. Is it alright if we get an explanation from you? I know you’ve already told the CMC, at least a big part of it considering you’ve told them how you got your Cutie Mark. We’ve already got the gist from Applejack that you don’t know who your mother is, and your father refuses to tell you. Maybe start with… why haven’t you shared this years ago?

Starlight lowers her head solemnly

Starlight: I guess… it just never occurred to me to bring it up at the time…

Applejack: It’s ok Starlight, after all… Twilight went almost 2 years without telling us she had ah brother that she loves so much. *winks*

Twilight smiles sheepishly, putting a hoof behind your back

Twilight: Well… you girls never asked!

But er… ahem… how about we get the little that you do know about your mother?

Starlight: There’s only a few facts I know. One of which I just learned recently, thanks to the Cutie Mark Crusaders

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all beam a grin.

Starlight: Just to narrow it down so not too many questions are asked. My father actually doesn’t know what happened to her after she disappeared either, he really only just refuses to tell me her name. Because otherwise he’s just as much in the dark as I am, the birth certificates in Sire’s Hollow conveniently leave off Parent’s names, and this wasn’t a case where she died from complications of childbirth. She gave birth to me in my old home rather then a hospital, but she survived my birth for certain. And even if she had died from child birth, then my father would of most certainly known.

And the only other big fact I know is something the Cutie Mark Crusaders already know...

Twilight: I did overhear Apple Bloom mention that you told them how you got your mark, and that your mother might be related somehow. I suppose that’s a good time as any for you to finally tell us, too?

The other elements pay really close attention as they themselves have always been curious about how Staright got her mark.

Starlight: Certainly, I also gave a little bit of the gist of it to Applejack at the ball. But I’ll certainly provide at least a little more detail then the summary I gave her…

Starlight takes a deep breath

Starlight: First of all, I was a latchkey filly. I never even had one babysitter, when my father went to work I was always alone in the house by myself. When Sunburst was still in town, he at least tended to come over from time to time. But once he got his cutie mark and left, that was it. Which added to why him leaving was the beginning of such a dark part of my life... As I was left alone for most hours of any days my father had to work.

One day, I was playing with a ball in the basement and when I accidentally supercharged it into a wall. A hole broke through, and when I looked into it... I found two books, and read them both. The first one I read…. ehehhehheh… isn’t exactly relevant right now… but the 2nd one absolutely was. It was a spell book for some of the more advanced unicorns, and I mean like super advanced. As in probably most students aside from you at Celestia’s gifted students school may have had trouble performing the kind of things in that book. And yet, even as young as I was… I somewhat understood the nuances in the book.

I found a spell in the book of self-levitation AKA flight with just magic. Surprisingly, it was one of the more simpler ones in the book. I decided to give it a try, and soon I was having some fun flying all around the basement. But then things went wrong when I tried picking up the ball at the same time. Because it was such an advanced spell, and I was inexperienced with controlling that kind of power, it led to me unable to control what I was picking up and soon all the toys on the basement floor were orbiting around me. A magic aura appeared, and at least my father has told me he remembers that my eyes were glowing then.

Twilight:  *gasp* This sounds quite similar to my magic freakout after I had hatched Spike…

Starlight: It probably was pretty much just like that. Though speaking of my father, he came home at the time and I screamed to call for him to help me. He came down, and eventually tackled me down. I may have a complicated relationship with my father, but I was thankful to him for saving me. I became scared of what might have happened if say… I had that same magical freakout but in the kitchen, with a lot more dangerous materials like knives swirling around me…

Once we recovered from the shock, I told my father what happened. Naturally, leading to him keeping that spellbook as far away as possible from me. But amid my father looking if I had any injuries, that’s when he noticed that I had gotten my Cutie Mark. He pointed it out to me, and I immediately looked at my flank. Now obviously that magic outburst was what gave me my cutie mark. But what an outburst like that doesn’t exactly do is really explain what it means. Perhaps, naturally it just means I have a lot of raw magic power. But the problem is, it makes it quite vague.

Twilight, your cutie mark is somewhat similar in that way, but you knew it meant your skill in magic because you had read for hours upon hours about magic, plus you received the mark just as you were about to become Celestia’s protege. I didn’t have that, it just simply happened as I used an advanced spell for the first time. So I didn’t understand what sort of future I was destined for, not to mention of course that I hated cutie marks because of Sunburst leaving. So even if I kind of knew what it meant, I would of grumbled about it regardless.

So… the only explanation for my raw magic power… as deduced by the Cutie Mark Crusaders… is I had to have inherited it. Somepony in my family has a bloodline of strong magic power. And my father’s bloodline I’m pretty sure has no signs of that. So that means… it has to be related to my mother somehow…

Twilight: I see… then this isn’t just a matter of family-related strife... The identity of your mother holds the keys to the very pony that you are destined to be!

Starlight: Also, Twilight… I think it’s about time I confess something to you… Do you remember when I finally turned around while we were traveling through time after all you did was just softly speak to me?

Twilight gasps, as she’s long wanted to hear this

Twilight: Yes…?

Starlight starts streaming down tears

Starlight: I think I gave in… because hearing your voice then… was almost like having the mother I never had… you’re the closest to a mother figure I’ve ever had… *sniff*

Twilight: Oh Starlight… come here…

Twilight calls Starlight in for a hug. Starlight hugs Twilight and Twilight wraps both of her wings around her, as Starlight’s tears stream down her face and onto Twilight’s shoulders. The rest of the group with sympathetic tears and smiles as they watch the long hug Twilight gives Starlight. Twilight softly speaks to Starlight in the middle of the hug.

Twilight: Let’s go solve this, together… We’ll go to Sire’s Hollow right now… You and your father are going to be reuniting with your mother, one way or another…

Starlight lets go of the hug and wipes the tears away from her eyes

Starlight: Thank you, Twilight… Allow me to get us there.

Starlight pulls out another piece of gum back to Starlight’s old hometown. Once the portal is open, Starlight enters first, as Twilight and the others follow. 

((Story continues after the break))

Before they bring Firelight out of his home. They discuss the game plan on setting out to find Starlight’s mother.

Twilight: Ok… so if I recall correctly... you said you have no idea what happened to your mother, ergo, you don’t even know if she’s alive or not. Correct?

Starlight nods

Starlight: Correct

Twilight: Well… then there’s 2 ways we can go about this first. Either you wish you knew where your mother was on the planet to check if she’s alive, or… we use Spike’s dragon tear to check if she’s among the deceased.

Starlight taps her hooves together with a bit of a sinister grin

Starlight: What if… I wished I could read my father’s mind?

Twilight scowls

Twilight: Sorry Starlight, but I’d rather not grant the ability to read a pony’s mind. Everypony should have a right to their private thoughts. Even if it’s a secret that your father has selfishly kept from you. Besides, the two ways I told you about will do it just as well.

Starlight: Ok… I guess I understand. Guess this is why Malakhar genified you, you’re responsible with your wishes. But I suppose it’s time to get my father out. I’ll be right back out with him.

Starlight walks into her old home again, this time Firelight is drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Firelight turns to see her daughter’s back.

Firelight: Hey there Pumpky-wu-WHAAAA

Starlight grabs her father by the collar with her magic, the sudden jerk makes him drop his coffee, the cup breaking on the kitchen floor, a big coffee spill now on the floor, and Starlight brings his face close to her’s

Starlight: No childish nicknames right now. We are ending this… right. now.

Firelight: Agggh! Starlight, what are you talking about?!

Starlight: We are reuniting with my mother, one way or another. I have Princess Twilight and her friends outside the house. I’m going to get a wish from her that will let me find her. And you’re just going to stand there and watch!

Firelight: B…b..bu….but I thought you said you could wait for years at the ball!

Starlight rolls her eyes

Starlight: Oh Father, you’ve always been soooooo naive, when I was very clearly being sarcastic!

Firelight: Wait, Starlight you don’t have to do this!

Starlight drops her father’s collar and raises an eyebrow as he drops to his floor his chin hitting the floor.

Starlight: Oh? Are you willing to say who she was yourself right now?

Firelight just sweats nervously and keeps quiet. Seems like he’s still not willing to say it himself. Starlight raising an eyebrow. Giving him time to answer, but Firelight still says nothing.

Starlight: *sigh* I guess I’ll take that as a no…

Starlight now grabs her father by the tail with her magic and starts dragging him out of the house.

Firelight: Agh! Starlight! Wait! There’s going to be a storm any second now! The weather patrol told us to stay inside!

Starlight ignores her father’s pleads and has soon brought him out to the group outside their home. Starlight let’s go of his tail. And he stands back up, looking at a group of displeased mares, fillies, and one dragon given they know he’s been the one who’s hidden Starlight’s mother’s identity for so long.

Applejack: Ya’ll should count ya self lucky we have other methods t’ finding Starlight’s Mom. Otherwise, ya would o’ had t’ deal with me!

Rainbow: And me!

Firelight: But I do have a reason for not telling her!

Applejack: Then maybe at least try t’ tell us?

Firelight: I… can’t without revealing the identity…

Applejack: Well then, ya’ll pleading is useless, we’re finding Starlight’s mother whether ya like it or not!

Firelight just droops his head. Twilight and Starlight then get set to preparing to do either of the two methods Twilight mentioned.

Twilight: So, do you want to check if your mother is alive or dead first?

Starlight: I suppose we should check if she’s alive first… So… Twilight… I wish I knew where my mother was on the planet!

Twilight takes a deep breath closes her eyes, and makes her horn glow. Suddenly, overhead the storm that Firelight warned about approaches, Firelight tries to use the coming storm to try to delay things further.

Firelight: Hey uh… the storm from the weather team I told you about is here… you think we can try this another time... when the weather’s more clear…?

Starlight: NO! You are not weaseling out of this, just because you might get a little wet!

The group carefully watches Twilight still trying to use her magic to locate Starlight’s mother. Rain starts falling over Sire’s Hollow. Starlight stands there watching Twilight, she’s shaking a little in anticipation for finally finding the location of her mother.

A few moments later…

…

……

………

…………

Twilight opens her eyes and frowns

Twilight: Starlight… Firelight… I’m sorry… but… I can’t find her… 

I’m… afraid... That likely means that the worst has happened to her…

The entire rest of the group gasps, especially Starlight and her father. Because of this one try… the possibility of Starlight’s Mother is dead is still out there, and in fact… is probably more likely then not.

Firelight: No… no… nonononono… s-s-sh-she can’t b-b-be… there must be some sort of explanation for this…!

Starlight glares at her father.

Starlight: LIKE WHAT?! That she’s such a powerful unicorn that not even SOUL MAGIC can find her?! Twilight’s magic is quite capable of looking across the entire world for one pony in the time she tried granting that wish!

Rain starts falling faster, and the rumbles of thunder can be heard as the sky gets darker.

Firelight: I… mean… maybe… but wait, how did you…

Starlight: Find out she was a powerful unicorn? That’s thanks to these 3 fillies over here who know how to read a cutie mark story *Pointing to the Cutie Mark Crusaders*

Firelight: Well uh… I guess while you know… you at least brought up a good optimistic possibility of why Twilight didn’t find her?

Starlight: There’s only one way to find out now… Spike, please come on over here.

Spike: Right!

Spike gives a determined face as he heads up to where Starlight is standing.

Starlight: So Twilight, if I recall correctly from you girls telling me how spirits are summoned. If my mother is indeed deceased, I just touch Spike’s Dragon Tear and send a message to my mother mentally, right?

Twilight: Yes… As for you Firelight, you can also say something. I know you don’t want to believe she’s dead, but you also don’t know what happened to her since she disappeared. Even if you’d rather be blissfully unaware of your wife’s fate… wouldn’t you at least like to try to speak to her? And if for some reason, nothing happens, then you will be proved right that she was still alive despite my magic being unable to find her.

Firelight: Wait, even if she is dead… which I hope she’s not… you expect me to believe we can talk to her simply by touching the gem on the dragon’s necklace?!

Applejack uses her status as the element of honesty to her advantage, looking at Firelight with a smug face and just replying with a very blunt…

Applejack: Yes!

The reputation of the Elements of Harmony is pretty much known world-wide by now. So Applejack saying this in a straight face, reassures anypony that it’s the truth. Firelight just going wide-eyed, and bites his lip. Before heaving a long sigh and giving in

Firelight: Does it require more then one pony to work?

Twilight: No, Starlight could do it solo if necessary

That sort of entraps Firelight since regardless if he touches it or not, they’re going to find out. The storm also picks up intensity. Rain falling harder and lightning can be seen in the distance.

Firelight: I guess I have no choice then… I’ll try… but I hope to Celestia that somehow she’s still alive… I don’t know why your magic couldn’t find her… but I hope, hope, hope, hope she is somewhere on the world… that just can’t be found by magic means… maybe Starlight is right that she’s using her own magic to hide herself…

Starlight: But then that’d mean she’s been neglecting us AND refusing to let anypony find her under any circumstances…  to the point SOUL MAGIC can’t find her! Would that really be a good thing…?

Firelight closes his eyes, droops his head, and sighs

Firelight: It would be to me… because at least she’s still alive and safe… even if she no longer wants to be a part of our family… knowing she’s ok would be good enough for me... and quite frankly today’s conversation almost makes me want to remain blissfully unaware... but... I know Starlight’s about to find out either way... so I can’t...

Starlight: A part of me hopes she’s still alive too… just so there’s a chance that even if I never had her for my childhood. I can have her around for however long she will be alive. I guess thanks to learning of the existence of the soul shield, even if she is dead, I will be lucky enough to still get to talk to her, but we won’t exactly be able to do a lot of things together, if she’s part of the trillions of souls protecting our planet…

Twilight: I hope that by some miracle she’s fine too… for both of your sakes. But we also shouldn’t try to deny reality and face the truth. Starlight’s agonized long enough not knowing, she needs to know what happened to her mother. She’ll never understand who she truly is, if we don’t do this. If you have any basic decency as a father, you’ll want her to find out...

Firelight lowers his head

Firelight: y-y-Yeah… l-l-let’s d-do it….

*THUNDER BOOM*

Firelight: …p-p-Preferably before we get struck by lightning!

Starlight and Firelight touch Spike’s Dragon Tear. And proceed to take deep breaths, then close their eyes to focus on a message inside their head.

Starlight: (Hello? Mother? This is your daughter… Starlight… you disappeared 2 weeks after i was born… I don’t know for sure if you’re really up there… but I really wish to see you for the first time in my life… I wish to know who you were… I’m gone my entire life without knowing, I can’t even be sure how I’m supposed to feel about you… I suppose that if you are up there, there’s a good chance that I’ll like you because only those who lived normal or better lives are up there… But even if for some reason I don’t, I’ll at least get answers… Please! Open up the keys to who I truly am!)

Firelight: (I really hope that I’m doing this for nothing… please, I plead for nothing to happen. I hope that my wife’s actually ok… I’d like to see her… I don’t care if she suddenly decided she never wants to anything to do with me or Starlight ever again. I don’t even care if it turns out she just abandoned us for an unknown reason without telling us… I’ll just he happy that she’s fine… I beg of the many souls that are apparently surrounding this planet… please don’t tell me she is among you! Please! I just won’t be able to take it…)

*THUNDER BOOM*

Starlight and her Father finish, and open their eyes. Starlight shivers, partly because of nervousness but also because of the cold rain now making her mane and tail soaked. Her father on the other hand is a complete wreck just shaking a whole ton of nervousness. He’s mentally praying that nothing comes down, proving once and for all his wife is still alive. The rest of the group keeps an eye on Spike’s Dragon Tear.

…

……

………

…………

*THUNDER BOOM*

Just as more thunder is heard, Spike’s Dragon tear starts glowing. Firelight freaks out, and wonders what’s happening

Firelight: w-w-wh-wh-Wha…? What’s happening…?!

The rest of the group including Starlight lower their heads, they know what this means: A spirit is being summoned. But Starlight remains determined as she picks her head back up and puts on a brave face. Watching the sky to witness her first spirit summoning, and it’ll be none other then her long, lost mother.

Firelight: Somepony! Please... tell me this doesn’t mean…

Out in the distance a bright white light from the sky starts approaching fast towards Sire’s Hollow. Twilight whispers to herself.

Twilight: Here she is…

Firelight: Is that… a comet? Shouldn’t we try to evacuate, before it hits?!

Spike: Don’t worry, her spirit isn’t going to impact the planet.

Firelight: Don’t you dare say her spirit! This has to be something else! Couldn’t it?!

The rest of the group just shakes their head at Firelight’s attempts to deny the reality of what’s happening.

*THUNDER BOOM*

The white comet comes down closer and eventually stops just in front of a nearby house near the group and forms into a white sphere. It starts to turn into a pony shape, it’s at this point where Firelight’s heart finally starts to sink. He’s been able to deny as hard as possible until now, but the silhouette is starting to look unmistakable. A unicorn with a curvy mane and tail, that’s slightly spiky on top, the outline of what might just be one small bang next to the horn.

Then the color starts fading in, the coat revealing to be a golden yellow/amber…

A mane and tail that is a mix of red and yellow that evokes similarity to a fire, The spirit opens up it’s eyes showing a color of greenish-cyan, and the cutie mark in the shape of… a sun.

Just looking at the cutie mark was when Twilight knew… they didn’t just find Starlight’s mother… they had found…

*THUNDER BOOM*

Twilight: *gasp* Sunset Shimmer…!

The spirit looks at her daughter and her husband with a sad look on her face. At last, the identity of Starlight’s mother has been revealed. She’s none other then Celestia’s missing former protege prior to Twilight… Sunset Shimmer

The rest of the Elements of Harmony, and Spike all gasp, Starlight who has never heard a thing about Sunset Shimmer is confused.

Starlight: What’s this about a sunset’s shimmer? This storm is blocking the sun right now…

Twilight: No, Starlight.. Sunset Shimmer is your mother’s name!

Starlight: Huh?! How in the hay do you know that?!

Twilight: I’ll explain soon…

Sunset stands quietly for a moment, before finally speaking herself. She first turns toward Starlight

Sunset Shimmer: Hello… my lovely daughter… I… am so pleased, I get to see you again... 

Then she sadly turns over to her distraught husband

Sunset: But… as for my darling Fi-Fi… I am so sorry… but…

Sunset lowers her head and closes her eyes about to give her husband the harsh truth

Sunset:  I… was murdered a long time ago…

Firelight falls to his knees. Tears welling up in his eyes, even though he can actually see her, hear her, and even talk to her again. This is the moment it finally dawned on him that his wife was dead, and even worse… she just said she was murdered. So acting as if she had been killed right in front of him, he lays his front hooves on the ground in a puddle that’s a mix between his own tears and the rain from the storm. And yells out a long…

Firelight: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

His screams of grief echo throughout the entire valley.

UP NEXT: Chapter 26 - Starlight’s Mother, Part 2 - Why Did Firelight Keep Her A Secret?

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/73811022

Chapter 53

Arthur asked his questions and quickly left. The whole situation was quite upside-down: Arthur wanted to leave and Nick would've loved to keep him for a while longer. At least that's what it looked like to Arthur, who was very happy about it. However, he didn't want to risk being confronted with Morrie again. What if the Make Believe wanted to take a closer look at this curious reporter? Arthur didn't want to lose his new job after all. Unfortunately, this way, he got no statements from Morrie for his article. Arthur was annoyed by that as soon as he left the house, only comforting himself with the image of the next meeting with Nick. And then finally without a task.

He made an effort not to show it, but the interviews with Nick were rather complicated. It was hard not to ask anything that somehow concerned them both too. He had been assuring Nick over and over that he didn't have to answer, but it didn't seem to bother the rockstar as much as it did Arthur, who instead felt like he gained information about his lover's emotional life by trickery, rather than earning his trust. Therefore, he avoided asking too many questions about his private life, what Mrs. Oliphant would probably pick at. Nick of course was a professional and had his stock answers ready for situations like these, but then it felt as if they were putting on an act. Arthur was rather glad when it was over.

He finished his article just in time for the next issue. His boss, who was visibly busy, shortly looked at it, said a simple "Oh, splendid, splendid" and he was dismissed. In the evening, he went back into the tunnel suite, eyeing the chocolate and waiting for Nick to come by. Later, he fell asleep and woke up alone. Then he waited until noon. After all, he had missed Nick before and didn't want it to happen again. But nobody came.

Arthur stared gloomily at the chocolate, as if it should've summoned Nick. Then he felt more and more strange in this brightly colored room. It happened to him sometimes, when his lover wasn't there. As if Nick's presence changed him, as if he could become a part of Nick's glamorous world through him. Without him, he fell back into his own world, as a Downer that lived in the dirt and darkness, in the ruins of the once glamorous town. Without Nick, that matched him better. Because he felt like hiding himself away again, he wrote a message for Nick: "I'm next door if you need me".  He planned to stay nearby, because he was sure that Nick would come today. When he slowly left the suite, he hoped that he would run into the rockstar yet, stopping again and again, until he reached his safe house.

There he caught his breath, as if he had been running from mortal danger. Only here, he felt really safe, in his own customized hideout, that nobody who was still in one's senses would enter. That he now couldn't leave anymore because he wanted to wait for Nick. He passed the time with rummaging in his numerous loot and crafting some useful things for himself. After a while, he even enjoyed it, thinking he really should've become an engineer. Or better, an inventor. But wasn't that the same? Inventor sounded better. He invented a lot of things, actually. Sadly only Downers would buy his stuff. Or burglars. That shop wouldn't go too well, he thought smiling to himself. Like that, he diverted himself, wondering about what Nick would say if he saw his little gadgets. That he could give Nick's smash hits a literal meaning if he wanted.

When he had used up everything he could find, it was already late in the evening. Arthur now worried that he had somehow overheard his lover and went back to the suite. There, his note lay on the bed, just where he had left it. Well, we still have all night, he thought and  took another long shower. The misadvantage of crafting was that he could barely get the lube off his hands. Getting out halfway clean, he hoped that Nick would let him get away with it.

Dressed in a new suit, he sat down on the soft, round bed and waited. Then he thought it would look better if he was doing something, when Nick came, so he started to dust the room. There wasn't much, but enough to busy himself with it. Passing by the golden statue, his gaze rested on it. It was a tiny version of the one that decorated the Avalon Hotel entrance. Perhaps he only had it to test the pose. Or to remember himself of the good old days. Arthur picked it up and slowly turned it around, eyeing it from all sides. He saw his own reflexion in the golden coating. Then he put it back at the exact same spot. It took some more time until he was able break away from it and continued cleaning. After he had rounded the entire suite, Nick was still not there.

Alone, he sat back on the bed, considering to pay him another visit. But he abandoned the idea, because of the risk, and because the rockstar was probably busy. Where was he? Did he really have no time, even for a small visit, just to say that everything was alright? Perhaps he had, and was already on the way here. Arthur, who was tired from crafting, who was only kept awake by impatience, crawled under the blanket. In his mind, he played Nick's new songs. The sang him to sleep, bit by bit. The next morning, he was still alone. He brewed himself a coffee at Nick's bar and waited for a very long time. Still no rockstar.

Frustrated, he mused what to do. Another day in the tunnel? Nicky could come by any moment, but yet he wanted to go outside again, making sure the town was still standing. So he left another note, hoping that he could convince Nick to wait for him until he came back. It didn't have to be a long walk anyway.

With Sunshine and Mojo by his side, he left the hatch and wantered along the rainbow colored road, imitating the Wellies that mindlessly strutted by. A few greetings here and there, a little smalltalk about the weather later, Arthur was certain that everything was the same. Everyone looked high and happy. Later, someone mentioned Nick's new record and engaged Arthur in a conversation. "You know, deep inside, I always knew he was a decent bloke. All these rumours and shittalk about him, I never believed it." "Me neither", said Arthur, not quite persuaded. "Some people are so dense", the Wellie said as if he had to defend himself. "Yeah...but not you, I guess". "And not you. I reckon I'll see you tonight too?" He eyed Arthur. "Uh..where?" "At the concert, of course! I guess whole Hamlyn Village will be there, but trust me, most of them are frauds." "I know what you mean." Arthur had no clue. "Stay away from fake fans, you hear me?" "Sure..." Arthur rather backed away, but the chance to see another concert was spinning in his head.

It was probably the reason why Nick had no time. Perhaps he could get into the backstage area somehow? With his press pass it was now easier to visit these events. He would've liked to ask the guy about the time and place, but he didn't want to come out as a fake fan or something. Other Wellies could tell him more though.

He had to pass another way too big amount of time, before he finally stood in front of a stage, with a camera ready, and waiting some more. Unfortunately he didn't find a way into the backstage area and now he was standing in between the screeching fans, trying not to get squashed. They came closer and closer to the stage and the Bobbies had their hands full pushing them back. Arthur's heart was pounding heavily up to his throat. This time, he had enough Joy for a couple of hours and was sure not to lose his head again. What could go wrong though, was that he could burst with impatience. Two days without Nick! And now only seeing him on stage! Nick would have to make up for that.

When the band finally arrived, the shrieking increased to an earpiercing level. Arthur barely heard the music and felt merely lost in the chaos. Fixing his eyes on Nick, he remembered having a camera. With shivering fingers, he took the first picture and his flash lightened up for a few seconds. Nick promptly turned into his direction. Arthur tried waving at him, and it looked like Nick understood. The rockstar threw himself into a pose that Arthur simply needed to capture on camera. Soon, it seemed like they were playing a game, with Nick adjusting his choreography for him. Arthur would've loved to eternalize every second with his camera anyway, but the concert had just started.

Nick was in high spirits today, Arthur found, watching him showing his affection to his recovered friends. He kept whispering to them, sometimes put his arms around them and blew kisses after solos. Arthur assumed he was simply happy to have them back, like he said in the interviews. And he probably wanted to make up for everything. That he lay on Morrie's piano during a love ballade and darted ambiguous glances at him, he found was a little bit too much. Still, he took photos of that moment. It was only a show after all.

Nick felt awesome. With the fans in front of him and the band behind him, he could truly forget everything else. Finally, he wasn't alone on stage anymore. He fooled around with his friends, kept thanking them again and again, also remembering himself not to neglect his fans. Even Arthur was there, Nick could see his flashlight. He also gave him attention and looked forward to see the photos.

While he was dancing along, suddenly a fan jumped on stage, grabbed him and sticked their tongue into his throat. Randomly gagged like that, Nick didn't find it too bad. It was spicing up the show, and after all, a true fan deserved a reward for sneaking past the Bobbies. So he returned the kiss with passion. The other fans freaked out, probably most of them wishing they could switch places with the lucky sod on stage, and many reached out their hands. Nick thought it would make a great photo. Letting go of the fan, his gaze fell on a familar face and he startled. Kitty Bates was standing in front of him.

She was all aroused, with her cheeks red, and her voice shivered a bit when she asked: "Will you do it now, Nicky?" The music became quieter, lurking. The band was probably expecting another surprise act. Nick quickly switched off his microphone. "C...can't we wait until after the gig?" Kitty wasn't amused about that. "I've been waiting long enough!", she hissed. "Do it now, or I'll tell everyone what you did!" "This is blackmail!" "You promised, Nicky! And this moment is perfect!" Nick stared at her, but her expession was merciless. He couldn't draw it out any longer. It was getting awkward, everybody was waiting for something to happen. And if he wanted to save this gig and his career...

Defeated, he switched the microphone back on and went down on one knee. "Kitty Bates...", he said with regret. All noises had vanished off the concert hall. He only heard his suit rustle and his own breath. "I can't imagine my life without you. Since we met...you've been my Joy", he lied. It had once been true, now all these words were delayed. "I promise I'll be yours...forever." It sounded awful to him, but Kitty's eyes watered. There were some "Awwws" from the audience, probably from those who weren't bursting with jealousy. So far, so good, but he still had no ring. From sheer necessity, he grabbed his necklace, pulled off the pendant and presented it to her. "Will you marry me?", he forced his tongue to say. Then he gave her the mic. Her sobbing echoed through the hall.

"Yes...yes, I will! I want to be your wife, Nicky!" she cried and gave him her hand. Nick had to slip the pendant on her finger. It looked rather weird, but nobody saw it from far away. Then he got up and wrapped his arms around Kitty, who was bursting into tears. They received applause for their show, the band accompanied it, but Nick was afraid what Matt and Morrie thought right now. And Arthur.

Somehow, he persuaded Kitty to leave the stage. She was followed by Bobbies, making sure that Nick's new wife won't be attacked by the many rivals. They continued, but this gig's magic was gone. Nick was afraid of the end. He played  the happy rockstar as good as he could and avoided certain band members. Chris and Brad had no idea what was going on and were still in a good mood. He once got a slap on the shoulder from Chris, if out of pity or out of happiness, he wasn't sure. He had tried to find Arthur again, but his flashlight was gone.

Arthur didn't take a single photo of this whole scene. He only stared with a gaping mouth. Firstly, he waited for Nick to reject that woman and hand her to the Bobbies. When nothing likely happened, he started to worry. And when Nick fell on his knee to say all these awful things to her, he felt like he was about to faint. He was watching the scene from start to finish, always expecting that it would turn out to be a spoof. But there was no hint. Only the feeling of being betrayed that grew inside him. Nick had worn this ring all the time, letting it dangle right in front of Arthur's face. The mere thought gave him nausea. He had enough photos to fill an album, he needed to get out of here.

When the band left the stage, Nick followed Chris and Brad. "I hope you won't regret this", Chris just said when Matt suddenly grabbed Nick's arm, turned him around and slapped him hard in the face. "Matthew!", Brad shouted. The bassist normally wasn't the aggressive type. Chris placed himself in front of Nick, who kept quiet and held back tears. "Hey, what's wrong?" "Keep out of this, Chris! This is about me and Nick!" "Just calm down, okay?" Brad tried. "You know what you did!",  Matt snapped at Nick. "Do you have any shame?" Nick couldn't take it any longer. "I don't want to marry her!", he sobbed. "Believe me, I don't!" Now everybody was confused. "Then why did you propose?", Chris asked. "She blackmails me..." They exchanged glances.

"Uh...guys?", Virgil approached them. "How about an encore? The fans are a bit upset. Soon we'll have another bill for a damaged stage..." He stopped and eyed the scene in front of him. "Nick, what happened? Where's Morrie?" "I get him!", Matt seemed to be eager to leave the scene. He ran past Virgil to the dressing rooms. Brad gently squeezed Nick's arm. "Don't worry, Nicky. We'll deal with her later. Just take another Joy and forget her." Nick nodded and digged into his pocket while Chris gestured to Virgil that everything was under control. Nick popped two pills and moaned as all colors exlpoded in front of his eyes. The world was full of rainbows. "I can't see anything...", he muttered. Then he stumbled outside. "Whatever." Chris and Brad exchanged glances before they followed him.

The first minutes of the encore, Nick was in a trance and kept forgetting the lyrics. Then the effect died down and he felt both tired and excited at once. After finishing the song, he threw up behind the stage. "Shit", Brad held him so he won't fall over. Chris palpated Nick's forehead. "Do you need a flash?" "No, no...I'm okay...I'm okay...", Nick muttered, who was feeling a little bit better. "Virgil, do you think we need another encore?", he heard Matt ask. "No chance..., no chance...", Brad said before everything turned black.

Nick woke up surrounded by his band and Virgil, and turned around, trying to orient himself. He felt horrible. They gave him another black pill. "Take your Joy. Take your Joy. Yeah, there you go..." It was getting better. They helped him up and he was able to walk home with them, even thought it all felt like a dream. At home, he fell on the first couch he saw. "I'm so tired...", he muttered. Somebody patted his back. "Sleep well, Nicky. We'll talk tomorrow." It was Virgil's voice, that had such a soothing effect on him that he dozed off.

A few seconds later, he jumped up again. Arthur. He had no clue. He could hurt himself. Nick struggled his way outside, with a nasty feeling in his stomach. The next hatch wasn't far away though. Only the way felt much longer and his fear grew. How much time had passed? How long had Arthur been alone? He reached his suite, but it was empty. "Arthur?", he rasped. He was too weak to shout. He crawled to his hideout and used all the strenght he had left to knock at the door. Then he slid down on the stone floor. Colored dots danced before his eyes. The door opened, just when Nick's stomach had decided to turn again.

"What the...?", Arthur jumped aside. "Nick!", he hissed, "What are you doing here? Did you forget you're getting married?" "I don't want to marry her", Nick squeezed out. "She blackmails me...she..." Arthur was confused. "Why don't you fight back? I bet a rock idol like you can afford a lawyer, right?" Nick pressed a hand on his head. "Too much Joy...", he said, then he curled up into a ball. Arthur's anger vanished when he considered that Nick was just about to die of an overdose. He ran to his chest where he kept his supplies and came back with a syringe.

"This is gonna sting a little", he said, hoping he wouldn't hurt him too much. Nick whined loudly, when the syringe touched him, but perhaps he was only complaining about his general state. Arthur could see no injuries. He had no idea if flash even worked for Nick, with all the drugs he probably had in his blood. He lifted him up and put him down on one of the pallets. The rockstar calmed down. "You don't want to marry her?", Arthur asked again. "No...", Nick moaned. "No, I don't want to...." Arthur gave him a kiss on the cheek. And then another. He lay beside Nick and pulled a blanket over them.

Sometime Nick awoke again and tossed around, feeling horrible again. He startled Arthur awake. "Nick, what's wrong?" "My Joy...I need...my Joy...where is it?" Nick rummaged around in his pockets. Arthur palpated him and quickly found it in an inside pocket, that Nick couldn't find in his state. Nick clumsily reached out for the Joy, but Arthur instinctively pulled it away from him. In this very moment, Nick was a Downer. Arthur could deny him the drug, make him see the truth.

"Arthur?", Nick whispered.

He was still helpless, but he could get agressive without his Joy, and then Arthur would have to lock him up somewhere until he was completely sober. Still, he could leave the room and lock it up. Nick would be caught. But he would surely hate Arthur after that. Arthur himself had had a choice. Nobody had made him a Downer. And wouldn't it feel better if Nick would choose this truth all by himself?

With a heavy heart, he gave the pill to Nick. His lover popped it and relaxed. His breath got calmer, the stress faded away. Arthur lay back down next to him and waited. "Oh...yeah...that's much better...", Nick sighed after a while. Arthur put an arm around him. Nick turned around and looked at him, beaming. "I'm so happy that I found you! I was so worried about you!", he sighed. Arthur was still worried. "So...you really didn't mean it? The proposal?" Nick's eyes widened with horror and he began to avoid Arthur's gaze.

"I had no choice." He rammed his fist into the mattress. "Goddamnit, what should I do?" Also Arthur's mood dropped. "What does she have on you?" "Oh..." Nick covered his face with his hands. "Just some bad luck! If only I didn't go...! If only I listened to Virgil! This is my punishment!" Arthur petted his arm. "There must be a way..." "If I remembered....", Nick whined. "Damn Party Favors!" "What happened?" Nick moaned, curled up and made another woeful noise.

"Let me help you", Arthur went on. "You know, I don't want you to marry her, too. If I can prevent that somehow, tell me." Nick laughed bitterly. "Only Sherlock Holmes could help me now...", he muttered more to himself. "Pardon?" Nick looked at him again. "Can you solve a murder, Arthur? Or hypnotise me so that I remember what happened?" "I can try", Arthur said, who'd rather do that than nothing. "But I need some more information." Nick scratched his throat. It was obvious that he felt very uncomfortable talking about it.

"Nick, trust me, whatever happens, we face it out together. And if you...were up to something...I guess I'm the last person that should judge you." Nick's eyes were pleading. "Do you think I could hurt anyone?" "No...honestly, not at all. But I know that in this town, you have to do things, that..." Arthur sighed deeply. "Well, things that you regret. We take Joy to forget them." Nick ruffled his hair. "Oh, Arthur, I swear, I didn't do anything! I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time! Because I was high...again." "That sounds more like you", Arthur said and tried a smile. It worked. Nick's mouth corners twitched a bit.

He silenced for a while, pondering. Then he asked slowly, approaching the topic: "I guess...you heard that...Richard Bates...is dead?" "I...think it was in the press..." Arthur sometimes read newspapers he found on a bench. "Foggy Jack got another one, was it him?" "Uh....huh...maybe...you know, the night it happened, I was there, with Kitty." "Oh, Kitty Bates", Arthur understood. "She's his...sister?" Nick gave another bitter laugh. "No...his wife. And a passionate Lightbearer fan. Anyway...Because I was high I can't remember what happened that night. I swear, I've been with Kitty all the time, but she believes I killed her husband to marry her myself. And if I don't do it, she'll tell everyone her story!"

"Could it be that she did it herself?" Nick stared at Arthur, surprised how quickly he went along with him. "Well...she is quite bonkers...but a murderer? I don't think she could do it." Arthur fell quiet, musing. "You see how hopeless this is?" Nick shook his head. "And I thought she'll forget." "Forget...", Arthur muttered. "Nick, that's it! She must forget!" Nick gave him an unwitting look. "How?" "Well...I could use Oblivion! It doesn't erase all memories, but I guess it could do with the most recent ones. It could work!" "Isn't that...dangerous? What if she gets insane?" "More than she already is? I mean, what choice do we have?" "And how do you plan to give it to her?" "I could put it in her tea or something...Don't look at me like that. You know I can break into houses. This time I'll do it for us!" "Oh, Arthur, if something happens to you..." Nick took his hand. "I'll take care. The alarm systems are rather primitive and I'd go at night, when she's asleep. Come on, I risk my life every day. I could just as well risk it for something helpful this time." "Oh..." Nick embraced Arthur. "You really are a life saviour. What would I do without you?" Arthur kissed him. "She'll leave you alone soon."

Nick began to smile. He held Arthur for a while longer, then he let go and his expression turned sadder. "Arthur...I...I don't know how to say it...but I must go. I dashed off to look for you. Nobody knows where I am. I'm sure they worry about me." "They aren't in danger, Nick. You're a grown up man, you can do what you want!" Nick shook his head. "The last time they saw me, I was out of my mind. They'll think I jumped off a cliff or something." "But you didn't", Arthur insisted. "You can tell them tomorrow what happened." Nick fought with himself, but Arthur was done waiting "Well, If you can't stop thinking about it, it's pointless." He crossed his arms and stared at the wall.

Nick eyed Arthur, who didn't move anymore and looked rather hurt, and decided he didn't want to leave like that. Even though he couldn't stay for long. He pulled himself together and hugged Arthur again, kissing him, apologizing. Arthur clutched him, as if he would never let him go again. After all that stress, they needed extensively kissing and petting to get in the mood. Nick let Arthur crawl onto him and Arthur savoured the moment, making Nick moan and beg for release until he couldn't take it any longer himself. And yet it was Arthur, who was begging in silence when Nick put his clothes on and left the bed. "Be careful, my King", Nick said and drew out the goodbye kiss.

When Nick was gone, Arthur searched his supplies for Oblivion.

[minniepetals]

String Of Fate 07

— summary: they set fire to the world around them but would never let a flame touch her.

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: fluff, angst || poly!au, soulmate!au, mafia!au

— word count: 5.5k

— warnings: none

╰ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 

"Are you okay? Where have you been? I had to be informed by Miss Lee that you were in some critical condition or something? What happened? You—"

"It's okay, Dahyun, I'm alright now." You were playing with the bed sheets as you listened to Dahyun speak. Should you tell her what happened? Or make up a lie? Namjoon had called your boss during the days you had disappeared, informing her that you couldn't make it to work for a few weeks—which was a bit extreme because Jin healed you fine but you couldn't really blame him because they were all very worried for you. But should you tell Dahyun? You knew that she'd freak out but it was always better to tell her the truth rather than hiding things from her. After all, she was the only thing close to family now.

"Are you sure?" She pressed, voice filled with concern.

"Mhm," you replied, fingers still moving about because you were nervous to tell her everything. "I-If I told you that someone had hurt me but then someone else healed me..would you believe me?"

The other line of the phone was silent for a few good seconds as you held your breath. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Promise me you won't get upset?"

Another long silent pause as Dahyun contemplated her answer.

"Sure."

You whined. "Fair enough," you sighed because you knew it was only inevitable for her to actually get quite upset with what you were going to tell her. The room was empty for the first time, you were left alone for about an hour so you decided then that you'd call Dahyun because you knew she was worried sick after your days of silence.

You inhaled in deeply then let the air all out, still nervous to tell her. "I was kidnapped."

"WHAT?!"

"Just—before you get even more upset, please let me say my thing first and then you can yell at me."

A few sounds were made from the other line as you held your breath once more, waiting for her response. You could only imagine what sort of things were running in her head after your surprising news. And then, after about a good solid long minute, you heard her exhale a long sigh. "Go on."

You almost wanted to laugh at her trying her best to stay composed but stopped yourself, knowing she was waiting for the story.

"I was waiting for Jung Hoseok after work," you began, "but he was a little late and I saw this homeless man out on the streets and I just thought, why not help the poor man? But it turned out to be an enemy of Bangtan because the next thing I knew, everything went dark. I figured it was all because they saw me around the seven dangerous men and saw that they had some sort of soft spot on me. So when I woke up, I was already tied up and in pain from whatever they had done to me."

"Oh my gosh," Dahyun breathed.

"I'm not sure what went down exactly because I was unconscious but they came to save me, the seven Bangtan men. Jungkook took me away from the scene and I guess I must had fallen back unconscious in his arms because the next thing I know, I'm waking up feeling all better and healed three days later."

"Healed after three days?"

"Yeah."

"And you're still with them?"

You didn't say anything for a few seconds, hesitating on the answer but you knew she could tell what the reply was. So you heard you let a sigh escape aloud which confused you a little because she didn't sounded too upset but rather just...accepting the truth. You cleared your throat and sighed, speaking again. "I-I know they're bad and dangerous mafia men and I know what you're going to say but Dahyun, I just...I..."

You didn't even know how to word it to her without sounding like an idiot who decided to stay with some mafia men out of nowhere without any reasoning. Your reasoning would sound stupid and unreasonable towards others but how else could you describe those odd feelings you had? Yes, they were mafia men, but under it all, they were sweet and caring, their smiles made you elated, their touches felt euphoric and warm. It was an odd feeling to have towards some people you didn't know much about but, they felt like home.

"You're disappointed, aren't you?" You asked defeatedly when she said nothing even after you trailed off into silence. Maybe she thought that you were a fool because she knew the mistake of trusting a man, only to have him hurting and leaving her in the end.

She wouldn't get it, you knew she wouldn't. She wasn't going to understand the connection you felt with those men. And perhaps she was angry at the fact that you were still deciding to stay by their sides even after they had brought danger to you. They were mafia men, the most dangerous of them all, danger was inevitable in their world and you'd be dragged along with it if you decided to stay, to be theirs.

So was it worth it? Were they worth all the heartache and pains? You didn't know the answer just yet but something told you that perhaps your decision now was a good thing.

You weren't afraid of them, the monsters the world had named them. But through the times of being with them, you realized that they were all just humans, capable of human love just like everyone else in the world.

"I'm not going to force you to do anything," Dahyun finally said, her voice soft yet clear and firm. "I'm not going to ask you to leave or to stay with them. This is your life, and no matter what decision you make, you have to remember that there's no backing away from it. Once you've fallen, you can't make it back up. Not with them. I just don't want you to get hurt in the end."

"There's a lot of things I'm afraid of and there's a lot of thinking I have to do," you acknowledged, "and I'm still frightened over the whole kidnapping thing but I don't think that leaving right now is going to make me better. There's this odd feeling of security that I feel when they're around, which I know is absurd because they're crazy dangerous people who belong in the mafia but...I've never felt more safe."

A short moment passed. "Are you going to regret this?"

"I don't want to," you confessed.

"Alright," Dahyun said but you felt as if there were more things she wanted to say. "We'll talk when you feel better, face to face."

"Mhm."

"Call you whenever you need to, I'm your best friend," she reminded. "And whatever you feel for them, Y/N, try to figure it out."

You said your goodbyes afterwards but remained staring at your phone, not knowing what to do.

Think? Figure it out? How were you going to do that when you knew no answer to those fluttering heartbeat of yours? How, when they had still yet to explain themselves? As much as you knew they had their own reasons, you were becoming desperate to know. You had a right to know. Yet there was nothing given to you to at least understand your own feelings. It was complicated because you knew your story wasn't just some normal story with you finding someone to fall in love and live the rest of your life with. There was something much more to that. Something much more deeper.

You didn't know what to figure anything out when you couldn't explain the whole situation. A fateful meeting, maybe. But perhaps it wasn't all just a coincidence. After all, how would they had known you in the first place? And why would you be feeling pain in your chest every time you thought of whatever could had happened between you and them in the past?

It was the deep, the piercing in your heart, worse than the stab of a knife. Not only literally but figuratively. Falling in love had its consequences but all the couples that belonged to one another got through the heartaches.

You wanted to cry, let out a scream, make a sound. But something in your throat hindered you from doing so. So the only thing you could do was to hold a hand over your chest, squeezing the soft sweater Jimin had lend you right above it with shaky hands, and fell on your knees, silently praying for someone to release your pain.

It came all the once, the overwhelming feeling. You couldn't explain anything because you didn't know where the emotions were all coming from. The only thing you knew was that your heart was hurting. There was different emotions all at once, all sort of anger walked in, the type of anger that was suddenly accompanied by frustration and then fear. Fear because you still saw the good in things. Fear because you were afraid of being left alone. Fear because maybe you were someone not worth loving. Fear because...you'd in fact be left alone in the end with no one to cry for help to.

And those fears caused the painful ache, throbbing and pounding with affliction. It caused sadness, the nostalgic feeling of a once happy version of you, of your life.

You hated how vulnerable you could be and how people took advantage of it. You were weak, a pathetic human being who needed to depend on others for love and comfort. Why couldn't you do things for yourself? Why did you had to turn to others and waited for them to save you?

As if someone had heard the insulting words of yourself and wanted you to think otherwise, the door opened and revealed Taehyung. The second he saw you on the floor, tears in your eyes, the man was quick to rush to your side in an instant. "Y/N? What's wrong?" He asked, face filled with worry.

But you instinctively pushed away his hands from trying to hold you. It wasn't too harsh, your touches were weak, but to find Taehyung's face suddenly fall into a hurtful expression, you realized trying to push away the man had pained you even more.

"I-I didn't mean that," you quickly said, though your own voice was breaking as your arms reached out to wrap around his neck, seeking for his warmth. Your soft cries broke into soft whimpers as Taehyung held you close while your head rested on his shoulder, face crying into his neck. He let you stay like that for a while, sat on his lap and crying into him, keeping silent though his hands kept busy to rub against you as a way of comfort.

Any other person, you'd push away. Even towards Dahyun, you'd push her away at most times because you didn't liked it when others saw you cry. The only people you'd allow now was really them, Bangtan. Only because pushing them away broke you more and you were wishing for Taehyung's warmth to make you feel better. It took a while, for the throbbing pain to calm down until it was no longer, but eventually your cries began to lessen.

"Feeling better?" Taehyung asked but you shook your head admittedly. "Are you hurt anywhere?" He worried. You shook your head again, telling him he needn't to bring you to Jin. "What's wrong, babygirl?"

You didn't know exactly why but gave him the reason of, "I'm scared." You wanted him to think your fears was due to the kidnapping incident because not knowing your exact reasons to your tears, making him even more worried about other reasons wasn't something you wanted.

Taehyung felt there was something more than just your fears but he decided to let it go. You'd speak up when you wanted and at the moment, being too overwhelmed by so many things wasn't going to help you. Just watching your teary eyes alone had already broken his heart but he was glad you hadn't completely pushed him away.

"There's nothing to be afraid of as long as we're here," he said assuringly, wanting nothing but to make you feel safe and secure. His large hand held your face, thumb gently brushing away the staining tears on your cheeks. "It breaks my heart to see you cry, princess."

Maybe it was the close proximity, maybe it was his deep alluring voice, maybe it was his beautiful features, or perhaps it was all of those things, but you found yourself unable to look away from those deep dark brown eyes that stared right back into yours. It was mesmerizing, everything about him. You were still scared of a lot of things, but to be there right there in that moment with him as he watched you as if you were something worth looking at, as if you were the only women left alive, your heart was pounding again though for a completely different reason.

"It's okay, I'm here." His voice was low, almost restrained as if he was keeping himself from doing something. Yet seeing how even as he leaned in a little closer and you hadn't backed away or pushed him off, he felt a little more braver.

And then, your lips met and the world fell away. Sweet and soft and just...right. He kissed you like you were a delicate little thing he was too afraid to break. It was slow and gentle, a silent promise of genuine feelings, comforting in ways that words could never tell. His hands rested below your ears, thumb caressing your cheeks.

But broke away too fast for your liking. The two of you stared into each other's eyes, taking shaky shallow breaths, and Taehyung's eyes shifted away elsewhere.

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

But you leaned in this time and pulled him back into another kiss, a more passionate kiss that tasted of bittersweet. The tears fell from both your eyes, a silent story of you not knowing anything and him of knowing everything. He tasted of the season of autumn, caught between summer and winter, of joy and laughter but of sorrow and heartache. Lips that should had brought back a million memories, only to be left undiscovered.

"Y/N..." Taehyung whispered in between, voice hoarse, voice hushed.

And then, you both leaned away, panting hard in between the cries. Taehyung wiped away his own tears, clearing his throat, eyes wondering about and looking anywhere but you. His heart throbbed with pain and affliction and it was you who had to hold his face to force him to look at you again.

"Why?" You asked and he cringed, believing you'd ask why he had kissed you but you didn't. "Why is it that even though you're here right in front of me, do I miss you so damn much?"

You have no idea, Taehyung thought.

Instead of answering your question, the man leaned in again to press a kiss atop your lips, stared at you, gave you another kiss, and then held you closer as his chin rested on top of your head so that you couldn't see his tears.

You have no idea how much I've missed you.

~~

Hoseok wanted to focus, he really did. He really wanted to add in his own thoughts about things or at least hear out what the others had to say but the only thing in his head was you.

He couldn't stop blaming himself no matter how many times the guys had told him he wasn't at fault. If he hadn't been late, if he had gotten to you in time, if you hadn't waited for him because he told you he'd pick you up, then you wouldn't had to be laying in bed still scared of so many things.

He blamed himself the second he felt the sudden feeling of you being in danger, and then when he saw how weak and hurt you were because of those guys, Hoseok's fears only skyrocketed. He should had left the house earlier, or had checked the time while rushing to complete his mission. But it was all too late and now you were petrified of even the outside world.

"What's wrong?" The leader stopped to stare at the unfocused man in the room. He didn't had to say the name but everyone else in the room already had their heads turned to Hoseok.

But the male on cleared his throat, shaking his head.

"What's wrong, Hoseok?" Yoongi prompted, knowing very well that Hoseok hadn't been himself.

"Are you still thinking about it?" Jin guessed and Hoseok's eyes shifted to the floor, his fingers clawing at each other out of frustration.

"I still haven't apologized."

"You didn't do any-"

"I let her fall into the hands of those disgusting creatures and she still hasn't had any motivation to even leave her room, of course it's my fault!" Hoseok stood up, cutting off Jimin as he raked his fingers against his hair. He realized he made the younger male flinch and instantly felt guilty. "Sorry I, I didn't mean to yell."

"It's okay, hyung," Jimin assured.

Jungkook looked between them then pursed his lips. "Well, maybe you should talk to Y/N, hyung. I'm sure she's missed your absence."

The older male looked away doubtfully. Though he knew he should talk to her soon, he was still racked up on the thought of you not wanting to see him because of what he's done. "I don't know."

"Y/N doesn't blame you," Namjoon promised.

"Y/N doesn't blame anyone, only herself."

All at once, silence surpassed the group and their eyes all fell at Hoseok's words, knowing fully well how right he was. That was a quality to yours they didn't admire too much because it made you put the blames upon your own self no matter the situation. Most times the blames were ridiculous but you were too stubborn to see past your faults than to see the faults in others.

Hoseok hadn't visited you because he was disappointed he had let you down. He knew you wouldn't blame him, he knew you'd forgive him in an instant and reassure him that he wasn't the one at fault. Which was why he kept his distance because for once, he wanted to put the blames on himself rather than had you take it in for yourself. Maybe you were already doing it, blaming yourself for being weak or something, but for now, he felt the need to just stay away for a little while. For your sake.

The door to Namjoon's office was abruptly slammed open, causing everyone's heads to turn to the source and found Taehyung stomping in.

Only, he hadn't looked angry or anything, but rather stained with running tears.

Assumptions were immediately circulated around the group.

"Where's Y/N?" Jin gasped. "She didn't-"

"She fell asleep, she's safe," Taehyung quickly assured, thinking back on how the load of tears caused your tiredness to take over and made you fall asleep.

"What's wrong?" Yoongi worried, watching as Taehyung fell into Hoseok's arms because he had been the closest to him. They all stared at the male with concern, waiting for an explanation on his tears.

But all Taehyung could do was cry, too choked up to say anything as he reflected back onto the memories they shared with you, how often their shared kisses were with you. And to be able to kiss you like that again, he was only reminded of everything, good and...bad.

~~

The soft pitter patter that came crashing down upon the windowsill had your instant attention. For most people, the rain would only bring them a melancholy feeling, ruining their moods or making it worse. But for you, you adored the rain. Even the sound of it pouring down was enough to make you smile and had your heart racing.

At an instant, you ran up to the window, moving the curtain out of the view to watch the droplets pouring down from the crying clouds.

In that short moment, you heard your door creaking open and looked over your shoulder to see Hoseok walking in hesitantly.

No words were spoken as the two of you stared at one another. It'd been so long since you had last seen him, since the night he brought you home and promised he'd pick you up the next day. You were sure his absence was due to the fact that he couldn't stop himself from blaming himself.

"Hoseok," you called in a soft voice and his attention stayed on you, not daring to look away as he listened to what you had to say. "Can you show me the backyard?" You asked him.

His face disoriented, then beckoned his head to the window. "It's raining."

You smiled. "I know."

He knew. He knew your love for the rain. And though Hoseok himself wasn't too fond of the rain, he nodded, leading you to follow behind him as he walked out the room. He watched you take a deep breath in before you walked out yourself. It was the first time you had the courage to leave the same room since they had brought you in and to be quite honest, a part of you was still a little frightened. But with Hoseok by your side and being in the home of Bangtan, you knew you had nothing to worry about.

So you looked at Hoseok and he gave you an encouraging smile. It was calming but not enough so you held out your hand for him, asking for some sort of contact and he gladly held his hand atop yours, holding it closely and securely, not wanting to ever let go.

When he led you out into the large backyard, you could only indulge yourself into the beauty of the rain.

"Look at that," you marveled, letting go of Hoseok's hand to rush underneath the pouring rain. "It's raining so hard," you giggled as you twirled around, Jimin's sweater now completely drenched.

Contrast to your bubbling excitement, however, Hoseok looked wearily at the rain and at you. "Y/N, you'll catch a cold."

When you looked back at Hoseok, you could see those subtle movements that avoided the rain, his clouded eyes that mirrored how the cold downpour was expected to be. You on the other hand found the rain enlightening, healing, and a world of wondrous sunshine. Hoseok could only see it of a hidden bitter story.

"We should head back in before you get sick again."

But that wasn't the only reason, was it?

The rain reminded him of something. And though you respected his comfort zone away from the rain, you couldn't find yourself to take a step forward and back into the house.

"Hoseok," you called his name softly. Amidst the loud pouring rain, he heard you. "Do you like to dance?"

His brows ceased when you held out a hand for him to take. He didn't wanted to take it, knowing he'd have to face the two things he was reluctant to face. But Hoseok, seeing the beautiful reassuring smile given for him, stepped forward with hesitance. Your smile brightened, patience settling upon you as you watched him take slow steps until he was finally right in front of you. The corner of his lips tugged into a forceful small smile, causing giggles to erupt from you.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

His face revealed an opposite story. "Why do you find the rain comforting?" He asked you. "You haven't smiled like this in such a long time." He wanted to smile at it too, to find a comforting beauty in your bright smile but he couldn't. Not with the rain pouring down on him.

"I don't know," you admitted. "I've always loved the rain. It brings me..happiness, and comfort, and security," you paused, "...like you."

Hoseok's head cocked to the side. A bit surprised and a bit doubtful. "Like me?"

"Like you and the six other males that lives inside this very home," you confirmed.

"Really?"

"Really."

"But I—"

You reached up to place your index finger on his lips, silencing him. The stab in your heart returned for a short moment, reminding you of your moment with Taehyung as you touched Hoseok's lips and his distant eyes almost left you forgetful of what you were meaning to say. It hurt, still, the words of Dahyun asking you to try and figure things out returning in your ears. You didn't know how to figure things out and perhaps going about kissing Taehyung hadn't been the right way to do things but...everything felt right at that moment.

Hoseok took the hand that held against his lips, gently pulling it away as he watched your eyes. "Do you regret it?" He asked, not having to mention Taehyung's name to have you understand what he meant by the question.

"I don't," you answered without hesitation before biting your lower lip nervously. "Does he?"

"No," he said as the right palm of his hand held your face. "Hadn't Jimin told you that you were our special girl?"

Your face reddened at the reminder and how close Hoseok was now towards your face. "Y..yes."

"He's right about it, sunshine."

"He is?"

Hoseok nodded. Your eyes casted down to those lips and how close of a proximity he was. The light touches of the rain kissed every inch of your body but the only thing you could now focus on was Hoseok. He was a fascinating person, mysterious and hidden with secrets. They all were. But something about Hoseok was intriguing in ways you didn't know how to describe. The first time the two of you interacted was frightening to say the least, but now all you could sense from him was warmth and comfort.

He held you close, the only thing you could hear was the background noise of the rain and your drumming heartbeat. And perhaps, maybe, something special could had happened under that moment if it weren't for your sneeze ruining the moment.

You cringed at the moment, gritting your teeth because you knew you had just ruined the intimate atmosphere and Hoseok sighed. However, rather than looked annoyed or bothered, the male just chuckled as he ruffled your wet hair. "Told you you'd catch a cold."

~~

"I know you love the rain but you need to be mindful of your health, sunshine," Hoseok softly chided while drying your hair with a towel as the two of you sat on the floor of your room.

You whined at his scolding, a cute pout forming at your lips as you looked up at him. "I'm fine," you said right before sneezing again. Hoseok raised a brow and you grunted, allowing him to continue drying your hair as you hugged the warm sweater he had lend you.

Though Hoseok wasn't too fond of the cold you caught, he had to admit that having you right in front of him in his very own sweater made his heart much lighter than moments before when he had hesitated on facing both you and the rain. It was still pouring out but with you by his side, he could only find himself smiling.

"You're a precious little thing," he told you, "and your health being at risk is something I won't take lightly of."

"I'm not dying," you whined.

"You could have," he reminded you of the kidnapping incident and his hands paused in midair for a moment.

Noticing that, you quickly went on to pinch his cheeks. "But I didn't because you guys were there to rescue me, just like you're here right now helping me out," you giggled, a light smile tugging at your lips to try and ease the sudden tension that awaited to build up. "Things won't always go the way you hope, Hoseok, and there will be many things you wish you can return to and fix the past, hoping you can redeem yourself by doing things differently but life won't allow that. That's why we just gotta move on, look forward to the future, think in ways for us to do better than the past because they've taught us things that are keeping us back from many things."

You paused to think. "The past..." you looked at him, "you guys are probably still afraid of it, hm?"

He nodded admittedly.

"Perhaps I may never know about it, but perhaps that's the beauty in this life, Hoseok," you mused. "We can make new memories, better ones, with me, you, Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung. It's our life after all, we make the decisions."

"Why aren't you afraid?"

"Why would I be afraid?" You laughed lightheartedly. "You guys all share a similarity in that, you know. You're afraid of me being afraid of you. But there's no reason to be afraid when you've done nothing to harm me. You didn't choose this life, the life chose you. And yeah, sometimes it's unfair, but my dear Hoseok, as long as you find that person who'll stay by your side and accept you for who you are under that mafia facade, then the kind of life you're living in wouldn't matter at all because you'll be loved either way. Even if you yourself is stubborn in accepting you for who you are."

He looked at you for a moment as if you were the only person alive besides him. Love was a strange thing and love had its consequences. He'd feel aches in his heart at just the sight of you and he'd be reminded of many things that still haunted him. But life had given him another chance so maybe he can make things right again, had you falling in love all over again just as him and the others had already for you. You were scared of the future, they all were, but knowing that he wasn't going to be alone and that they had you who'd accept them, then perhaps this life wasn't going to be as bad as it seem.

"Are you..suggesting someone?" Hoseok asked, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

You blinked at the unexpected question, realizing you had somehow referred that certain someone in his life to be..well, you.

"I-I..."

Words couldn't be formed and Hoseok laughed at your flushed cheeks. He cupped your face, squeezing your pink cheeks together so that they were formed into a cute duck face, right before he kissed your nose. "I think I know who that certain someone is," he teased.

"I..I didn't say anything," you pouted and his laugh rang in the air once more.

"Is Taehyung mad at me for the kiss?"

"Why would anyone get upset at kissing a cute person like you?"

"I'm serious~" you whined.

"Are you mad that he kissed you?"

"No, I liked it." You blushed and Hoseok smirked. "But I don't know if he does or not."

"Why don't you ask him?"

You shook your head furiously, still flustered. "I-I can't just go up to him and ask him if he enjoyed that kiss. He..he cried and I cried and it was a whole mess and...and I..and I probably—"

"Can I kiss you?"

You blinked at the sudden question, caught off guard and not understanding if you heard him right. "Huh?"

He gave you a mischievous smile, shaking his head as he let go of your face. "Never mind," he said as he took the towel off your head, ready to escape but you were quick to grab his hand.

"W-wait, you can't just—" His face looking back at you made you pause in mid sentence and Hoseok tilted his head, asking you silently to continue. You didn't really know what you were trying to say but his stare on you sure made you flustered. It was fascinating how even with just one look, Hoseok was able to make you melt and forget everything you've been meaning to say.

"Yes," you answered.

"Yes what?" He smirked, knowing fully well of what you had meant but wanting to it hear out of your mouth. He took your face against his palm once more, leaning in so that his nose was just inches away from yours. "I want your words, babygirl," he said, voice deep and sultry. "What do you want?"

The man was good at provoking and he sure knew how to make you flustered but you couldn't really get mad at him when his lips was so close to you.

"I..." you opened your mouth, feeling breathless for no reason. "I want to kiss you."

"You do, hm?" He teased, fingers touching your chin to tilt your head up so that you could look at him when you spoke.

You gulped and nodded. "But..."

A brow raised. "But?"

"Will Tae get mad?"

"Tae?" Hoseok breathed. He realized then that you must had felt some sort of guilt within you because of your desire to kiss someone else when you had already kissed Taehyung. So he smirked. "Let's go ask Tae then."

"Wait, what?" You blinked when Hoseok let you go and pulled away.

You watched him stand up on his feet, holding out a hand for you to take. "I'm not leaving you without getting that kiss, babygirl, so let's go to Tae."