#he must splurge upon any information he learns

[ratatatastic]

ekky bringing up number and stats in his interview okay nerd!

[password-door-lock]

From the pale pink wallpaper to the rose gold chandelier, everything looks deliberate, as if the room were decorated just for you… or, at least, as if it were cleaned very thoroughly immediately prior to your arrival. Before you can stop yourself, you run a tentative hand over the shining accents on the walls, lips parting in silent wonder as you attempt to determine whether the panel molding is plated with real metal leaf or just shiny paper. Either way, someone has clearly gone through a great deal of trouble to coordinate the metallic trim with the freshly-polished light fixture in the center of the room. A row of black and white photos hang in dark wood frames above the bed; upon inspection, you recognize only the Eiffel Tower, but imagine that the rest depict famous landmarks as well.

And the bed itself… you know you would stick out like a sore thumb if anyone could see you testing it out. You’ve never laid on anything so luxurious before, and your oversized hoodie and jeans feel out-of-place and scratchy against the impressive linens. The mattress makes you very aware of just how old the one you have at home is— if you had the budget to splurge on something new, this is what you would get. You make a mental note to ask Ray to refer you to his mattress supplier after you finish testing the game. The pillows are beyond plush; they seem to rise and meet your head as you sink back into them. The misty rose bedspread must be made of silk or some equally exquisite material, you decide as you raise yourself off of it. You can only imagine that the sheets will be just as comfortable, but you know that if you tuck yourself into bed now, you may forsake any further exploration in favor of sleeping. 

The runner at the foot of the bed features bubblegum flowers against a blush background, a perfect complement to the delicate floral upholstery on the chairs at the center of the room. These, with their golden frames, sit on opposite sides of a small round table with a vase full of flowers positioned atop it. Your limited knowledge of flora in general and your inability to identify the blooms on the table (or the ones by your bed, for that matter) do nothing to stop you from admiring the purple flowers, and then the white ones in turn. They all look so beautiful that, were it not for the Eastertide scent that they project throughout the room, you would be inclined to believe that they were made of plastic. 

You push aside the gossamer curtains for a moment and find, to your delight, that your room overlooks a sprawling garden, complete with hedges and floral awnings, which blooms with a vengeance across a series of plots and planters. It is wild and tame at once, nature bent to the will of some very talented gardener and their precise aesthetic vision. No wonder the flowers in the vases are so well-formed… they must have come from outside. You wonder, momentarily, what a game development company could possibly be doing with such an extravagant garden: but the answer occurs to you as quickly as the question did. It must be to boost the morale of the workers, since just looking out the window is having such a positive effect on your mood. You make a mental note to ask Ray about it, anyway— maybe if you bring it up, he might invite you out to get a closer look, and a little extra information wouldn’t hurt. Clearly you have a lot to learn about the world of game design: before this morning, you had no idea that companies hired random strangers to live onsite and test their games! 

You imagine that Ray must have come across your resume online and decided that you fit the bill, though you have no idea where to even begin with what the bill might be for a mobile game app tester. Or maybe you’ve played one of his games before without even knowing it, and he figured that his new project would be something you’d like. Shaking your head, you allow the curtains to close, willing yourself away from the window and over to the closet at the opposite end of the room. Before leaving home, you shoved a few spare outfits into your bag, but you’d admittedly been more focused on rounding up such necessities as your toothbrush, wallet, and phone. In the closet, however, you find a seemingly endless supply of clothing; each extravagant garment seems well-made and impressive in its own right. Everything bears a strong floral scent, as if it had just been washed, though you figure that a good deal of the shirts hanging in front of you must be dry-clean only. They are organized by color, and although many of the pieces are a bit extreme for your tastes, accented with outrageous ruffles or perplexing combinations of ribbons, puffs, and lace, nothing looks as if it would be particularly unflattering on you. You can’t say that this wardrobe was curated with your personal style in mind, but you understand immediately that it was brought here for you. Does this game development company employ a team of stylists, too? 

You pull a few shirts out of the closet, careful not to damage their elaborate accent pieces, and determine that each of them is roughly your size, with a negligible amount of variation between them. You would expect such fancy clothes to be stiff, but like the bed linens and the curtains, everything in the closet is pleasant to the touch, soft but sturdy. You replace the shirts and redirect your attention to the impressive dresser, which is of antiquated style and features not only drawers but a hat box. One of the drawers is empty— Ray and his contemporaries must have expected you to bring a few things of your own— but the other three are filled with pieces as exquisite as the ones in the closet and a few slightly less-decorated nightclothes, all of which still feature at least a subtle hint of lace. They remind you of the costumes from a period drama, or what a character in a fairy tale might wear— whoever left these things here for you evidently had a certain aesthetic in mind. You blush at the thought that Ray, with his tailored jacket and antiquated waistcoat, might have had something to do with this. Surely he would be too busy to go to so much trouble just for you. 

 You really do feel like royalty when you open the hat box and discover that it contains not hats but spools of ribbon, along with an ornate jewelry box in the same shade of pink as the wallpaper. You fiddle with the golden latch for a moment before the box springs open; you slam it shut and force the closure nearly as quickly. Surely that pearl necklace, those silver earrings, and that bejeweled bracelet must not be for you? You’re willing to believe that the game developers have supplied you with clothes, but fine jewelry… that seems a little much. You realize with a start that you’re still wearing your shoes and quickly toe them off, carrying them back over to the closet and setting them on beside the others on the shoe rack. You hadn’t noticed it before, but now the five odd pairs of shoes are obvious to you… they’re all very nice, ranging from silk slippers to leather loafers, but none are very practical. Your own sneakers are probably some of the only ones on the rack that would be able to handle getting wet, though it does not escape your notice that everything appears to be your size. How on Earth did anyone get ahold of that kind of information? Maybe you should start actually reading the terms of service agreements associated with the games you download. 

After inspecting the fine white carpet for anything you might have tracked in (thankfully, despite their years of wear, your sneakers were relatively clean when you arrived), you make your way to the ensuite, which is just as magnificent as the bedroom is. The cool porcelain tub could be a work of art, with its elaborate clawed gold feet and spacious off-white body. Not for the first time, you wonder whether the gold is real or just for show. The vanity, in white marble with gold accents, looks equally as impressive, and out of the same curiosity that has gotten you this far, you cannot help but open the drawers. The first contains basic products— cotton swabs, toothpaste (in the brand you normally buy, no less!), a hairbrush, and deodorant (also in your typical brand). Your tastes must be so basic, if your hosts just happened to buy everything you normally use. But maybe that’s a good thing— after all, you wouldn’t get it if you didn’t like it, and you’ll admit that you were worried about not having your normal toiletries during your extended stay away from home. 

The second drawer is stocked with skincare: the cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and scrub are all the same as the ones you use at home, but there are also several other products you don’t recognize, each with a function more mysterious than the last. You’ve never gotten into skincare enough to understand gels or serums, but the masks look like they would be fun to try if you have any downtime in between playing the game and chatting with Ray. The last drawer contains even more products, including but not limited to a package of very fancy-looking French soap and a few bottles of salon-quality shampoo and conditioner. The razor, securely placed in a travel-safe container, is the same as the one you have at home, but the shaving cream beside it looks a little bit out of your price range. Even the cleaners under the sink look high-quality, with labels professing their all-natural gentleness. Not that you need them right now, anyway— the place is spotless, from the shining mirror to the marble countertops to the pale pink bath mat. 

Once you run out of places to explore, you return to the main room and take a seat on the bed, mind racing even more than it was when Ray left. By now, you’re certain that the company you’re testing for must be responsible for some very popular games, if they can afford all this. Do all the employees here live in such luxury? You decide that they must— after all, you’re nothing special. But even so, now that you’ve seen where you’ll be staying, you’re excited to get to work testing the game… and to spend more time with the game developer who invited you to do so.

[sonicrainicorn]

Made of Love, Chapter 17

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Table of Contents

Ship(s): Logicality, (platonic) Prinxiety

All Characters: Thomas, Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton, Dr. Picani, Joan, Talyn, and Deceit

Synopsis: Humans Roman and Virgil get wrapped up in some serious magic business without meaning to. Their other companions aren’t exactly as they seem, either. Together they all must defeat a great threat for the safety of humanity.

Chapter Desc.: The gang deals with the aftermath of Anxiety. Thomas has a hard time with some things

TW: Cursing, child abuse (mentioned), blood

Prefer to read it on Ao3? Click here!

The blade, and subsequently the hole in Anxiety’s stomach, turned a dark red. A deep red that could have passed for a human’s blood if something about it wasn’t off. Something made it unnatural to look at.

Anxiety didn’t react beyond a shocked expression. His body began to fizzle out. Like an old TV losing a station. Once he vanished, the shadows in the room curled back to their natural locations. The lighting (or lack thereof) returned to normal.

Virgil skipped out on the celebration to check on everyone. They were still stuck in their trance. He had an odd feeling that he needed to snap them out of it.

Since Thomas was the last one affected, Virgil figured he would be the easiest to fix. And there was absolutely no other reasoning to that. Nope. If anyone said otherwise he’d stab them in the eye with a sewing needle. Whatever the real reason, he ran over and kneeled down.

Tears streamed down Thomas’s face, and his eyes were a deep black. He kept begging for someone to not be dead. He sounded like a scared little boy.

Virgil ignored the pain that sent him and placed a hand on Thomas’s shoulder to shake him. “Kid. C’mon, you have to snap out of it.” He swallowed his rising panic when that didn’t make an improvement. “Thomas!”

Thomas gasped and fell back, his arms coming out to catch himself. He blinked a few times and his eyes returned to normal, then they looked up at Virgil in surprise. “Virgil.” He reached out to touch him. “You’re real.”

“Welcome back.” He smiled a bit.

“It’s dark.”

He fished his phone out of his pocket and shoved it into Thomas’s hands. “Go get Patton and Logan. I’ll handle Roman.” He patted his shoulder then left to go to Roman.

Once Virgil could see him, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. He looked lost. No tears streamed down his face. No pain etched onto his features. He was just… broken. That needed to stop. Virgil tried to put a hand on his shoulder as he did with Thomas, but a voice prevented him.

“Don’t touch him.” It was his dagger (which he decided to name Left. Because, well, y’know). Surprisingly, it took Picani’s voice. That was a new one.

Virgil retracted his hand. “What? Why?”

“Look.”

Virgil did so. He paid careful attention to see what Left did. Then it happened. Roman flinched. Like someone who expected a hand to fly their way. Alright, so no touching then. Wouldn’t want to open those cans of worms right now. But what the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just leave Roman like this.

“You have a voice.”

Virgil frowned. He didn’t know what to do with that information. How was he supposed to only use his voice? It took him a minute to realize something.

Roman was adopted. It was something he revealed after one of his rare drunken splurges. Now, that exact fact wasn’t important, but what was important, was the distinguishing factors Roman made. When referring to the woman that birthed him, he always used “mother”. When referring to the woman that raised him, he used “mom” or “mamá”. And his mom would always sing to him to get him to calm down.

So, with minor embarrassment, Virgil realized he would have to sing if he wanted Roman’s attention. It was for a good cause, at least. He racked his brain for a gentle song and found that “Feed The Birds” was the single song that kept coming to mind. Hopefully, that would get the job done. He took a shaky breath and started in a soft voice,

Early each day to the steps of Saint Paul's The little old bird woman comes In her own special way to the people, she calls Come, buy my bags full of crumbs

He continued to keep his voice steady and low. The words dripped out in a sweet lull.

Soon, Roman came out of it. He became less stiff and the black in his eyes faded away and focused on Virgil. For a moment, they just stared at each other. “I knew you liked Mary Poppins,” Roman joked. Or rather, tried to. His voice sounded tired and his grin lacked his usual snark.

“Whatever,” Virgil grumbled as he stood up. “Want some help?”

Roman blinked at him. Then held out his hand to allow Virgil to pull him up without a word. They made their way over to the other three, who were trying to break Logan out of it. Patton had his hands around Logan’s wrists, easing them away from his hair.

“I don’t, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Logan cried. “I’m not a monster.”

“You’re not,” Patton assured. His voice was surprisingly calm. “You haven’t hurt anyone. We’re all here. We’re all fine.”

“But Arlene --”

“No. She’s not here. You’re with me, remember? She’s gone.”

Logan’s eyes shot open and shadows retracted from them. Once he processed where he was he darted up from the ground to turn away from them while wiping at his tears.

“The gang’s all here,” Virgil muttered. He tapped Left so he could put it back in his pocket. This wasn’t the best reunion in the world.

“I think we should go home,” Thomas said quietly. He stared at the floor with an intense frown.

“You’re absolutely right, Thomas.” Patton picked himself up. “We all just need to go home and relax and try to get our minds off what happened.” He seemed more cheery than he should have been.

“I don’t think anyone’s against it,” Roman mumbled.

Virgil grimaced a bit as he surveyed everyone. They were all jittery. Whatever Anxiety showed them -- the regrets, the fears -- wasn’t something they could walk off. Everyone still seemed to have their head in those moments.

“Then let’s leave.” Logan turned back around. His face was unusually stoic -- which was saying something.

No one had anything to comment.

The car ride back was eerily quiet. No one wanted to speak up. The tension might have also been increased by Patton a little bit, but that couldn’t be certain. They were all a little out of it. Virgil felt like he was the most put together at the moment, which didn’t sit right with him. That wasn’t the case under normal circumstances.

“Do you think,” Thomas broke the silence with stiff, uncertain words, “we could have a sleepover in the living room again?”

There was a beat of silence before Patton answered in a voice far too sweet, “Sure thing! That sounds like a good idea. What do you think, Logan?”

“Sure,” Logan murmured. He didn’t speak any further.

Upon arriving at the house, they all decided to get ready for bed. There weren’t any arguments or questions; they all wanted to end this night. When Virgil stepped out of his room, he saw Logan, Patton, and Thomas all sitting in the living room. But no Roman. Odd. Virgil tended to be the last one to these kinds of things. He decided to walk back into the hall.

Across from Virgil’s room was Roman’s. Without so much as knocking, Virgil pushed the door open. “Roman? Are you --” The rest of his words got caught in his throat.

Roman sat on the bed with one of his pajama pant legs rolled up. A long, faded scar ran across his leg, diagonal to his shin. It must have been from a cut many years ago. Once the shock of someone barging into his room passed, Roman pulled down his pant leg. “Jesus, Virgil, don’t you knock?”

“You never knock when you come into my room,” Virgil shot back defensively on complete impulse.

He sighed in annoyance. “Whatever. Just come in and close the door.”

Virgil did so. He didn’t know if he should sit down or not so he opted to stay where he was.

Roman moved his leg off the bed then gave Virgil a weird look. “You just gonna stand there or?”

“Uh,” Virgil shifted his footing, “you didn’t imply you wanted me to do anything.”

Roman rolled his eyes and scooted over. “Come over here, you awkward nightmare.”

Virgil sat on the bed and brought his legs up to sit criss-cross. He didn’t want to say anything first. He didn’t even know what to say. He was afraid he’d ask the wrong question or offend Roman somehow -- which is something he didn’t want to do right now. Not after tonight.

“Sorry for getting mad,” Roman muttered. “You have full permission to come into my room as long as I do it to you.”

“Glad to know we’re even, then.”

A swift silence washed over them.

“So are you gonna ask?”

Virgil forgot how to breathe for a second. “What?”

Roman didn’t look at him. “I know you want to know, but I won’t tell you unless you ask about it.”

“Uh.” Virgil hesitated. He did want to know, but he wasn’t sure if he was deserving of that information. The last time someone told him a secret he kind of forced it out of them. “Um, why -- how, uh, how did you get that?”

“It was a gift from my mother,” Roman seemed to choose his words with care. They fell out in a choppy rhythm rather than the usual steady stream he talked with. “I don’t remember much of it. Just that I was young and I learned not to make her mad.”

Mother. The woman that birthed him. He never said much about her other than he hated her and wished he had been separated from her sooner. Now Virgil could see why. That wasn’t something you did to a child.

“I’m sorry.”

Roman waved his hand. “It’s whatever. It happened a long time ago.”

But Anxiety made you see it.

He hopped off the bed. “Let’s go start our sleepover, shall we?” He grinned and held out an arm for Virgil.

Virgil decided not to fight it. Roman pushing away less than awesome feelings was a task to take up for another time. Right now, they all needed a breather. He took Roman’s arm and they set out to the living room.

Patton and Logan sat together on the couch. Much closer than they would have normally, Virgil noticed. Thomas had his legs pulled up onto the armchair with him, eyes studying the coffee table and his mouth in a tight frown. As they left the hall, Virgil flicked the light off and the living room flooded into darkness.

Thomas yelped. “Turn the light back on!”

The urgency in his voice caused Virgil to flip the switch without a second thought. He wasn’t sure how he managed to move so fast.

Thomas let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

The little boy who’s still afraid of the dark.

Virgil didn’t think that Anxiety meant that literally, but then again, he didn’t know how much of Anxiety’s words he could even trust. Despite that, he wondered what could make Thomas still afraid. Sure, everyone was afraid of the dark a little bit, but most people could stand a light switching off for the night. That was a serious phobia issue.

“I know a fun little thing we can do,” Roman’s voice stopped Virgil from delving any deeper into that topic. He crossed his legs onto the sofa cushion. Virgil decided to ignore the intrusion of personal space for now. “Just to calm us down before we sleep.”

“What is it?” Patton asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

“We could do ice breaker questions. Like favorite colors or whatever. It should be a decent distraction.”

“The minute I hear the words ‘ice breaker’ my anxiety goes through the roof and my soul leaves my body,” Virgil replied.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not being forced to meet anyone new.” Roman paused, eyes glancing toward Virgil for a moment. “You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to.”

Virgil’s brain needed a second to process Roman showing him kindness. It wasn’t often that he showed consideration like this. “I mean -- I don’t -- it’s whatever. You’re right. I’m not in a room with strangers or anything.”

“Why don’t you start, Roman?” Thomas asked.

“Okay, uh,” he thought about it. “If you had to describe yourself using a Disney princess, which one would you be?”

“Merida,” Virgil answered without hesitation.

Roman snorted. “Why Merida?” He sent him a grin.

Virgil pretended that he didn’t feel a swell of pride at getting a genuine smile out of Roman. “It’s obvious. I don’t need a man.”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes.

“I think I’d be Vanellope,” Thomas answered.

“Why’s that?” Logan looked at Thomas curiously.

“Uh,” he struggled to form a proper sentence.

“Because she’s awesome,” Virgil swooped in. He had a feeling the real reason was because Vanellope was ‘the glitch’. A misunderstood character that everyone considered wrong before her reveal as the princess. “She has a lot of potential and determination. Also, she's a pretty big trouble maker. I think that describes Thomas pretty well."

Thomas sent him a small, grateful smile.

Logan still looked a bit suspicious but didn't ask any further questions.

"I'd be Ariel," Patton said, a wistful smile gracing his face for a brief moment. "And then Logan would be Elsa."

"What?" Logan looked at him incredulously. "What makes you think I'd be Elsa?"

Patton returned the look as if it was obvious. "Do I really need to explain that? Magic that’s kinda hard to control? Being forced to hide it away to save face?"

Logan considered it. "Alright, fine."

"What about you, Roman?" Virgil turned to him.

Roman blinked. "What? Me?" He glanced at everyone in uncertainty. "Uh…"

"Tiana," Thomas answered with no room for debate. "She's a hard worker and a dreamer like you are."

"Plus, she kisses a frog to break a curse because that's how it works in fairytales," Virgil added. "I get the feeling you'd do the same."

"Hey, if I got to marry a handsome prince because of it, I wouldn't complain." Roman smirked.

They continued to ask each other silly, easy questions like that. It turned out to be a pretty good distraction after all. They all asked at least one question -- some of which led to a few long discussions. Roman and Logan even had an argument at one point. Not an intense one, just one of those “why would you answer it that way, this way is obviously the best way to do it” arguments. It brought a sense of normalcy back into their night.

Soon, time started to catch up with them. Their conversations reached a gentle decline until they stopped altogether. It was already approaching one in the morning.

Virgil glanced around the room. Thomas, curled up on the armchair, was fast asleep. So was Roman with his legs in Virgil's lap. Logan appeared to be sleeping against Patton, who was still awake. He looked exhausted though. Unfortunately, Virgil wouldn't be able to let him sleep without one major question answered.

“Patton,” he whispered. He didn't want to wake anyone up. “I know this isn’t the best time, but I have a question.”

“What is it?”

He hesitated. “When that, uh, thing was messing with us, he kind of told me some… information. About an old friend of yours. Uh, Remy?” He took note of the way Patton tensed. “And I just, I kind of -- how did he die?”

Patton floundered for a minute. He seemed unsure of how to answer. Or perhaps he didn't want to.

“Killed in action,” came Logan's low voice.

“Hey, I thought you were sleeping.” He looked down at the sleepy nerd on his shoulder.

“I was getting there,” he sat up slowly, rubbing his eye, “but I heard a topic you might need help on.”

Patton gave him a sad smile.

“So were you even there when he died?”

“No,” he muttered.

Virgil frowned in thought.

“When we got the news, it was devastating.”

“We felt responsible somehow,” Logan continued. “If we could have done something more -- something different -- then maybe he could have made it. But, of course, there was nothing we could have done. It was out of our control.” He pushed his bangs out of his face. Without his glasses, he looked more open -- vulnerable.

“Sometimes, when you lose someone close to you, you feel like it's all your fault.” He coaxed Logan into laying back down. “And it isn't. But it's hard to accept it. Because you want to blame someone. Because they should still be there, but they're not, so what are you supposed to do without them?”

Virgil didn't respond for a moment. So Anxiety was lying. He knew Picani wasn't capable of that. Still, a little part of him continued to be wary. “Why doesn't Thomas know?”

They looked to the sleeping form on the armchair. Patton sighed. “Thomas was so afraid of everything. The dark, strangers, being alone. He never wanted anything to do with Remy because too many strangers in the past tried to take him away from us. By the time he came over these fears, Remy was… no longer available for meetups.”

“Why not tell him?”

“Why let him mourn for someone he never got the chance to meet?” He tried to give a smile, but it quickly fell into a frown. His eyes lingered on Thomas before turning them to Virgil. “Maybe one day, but certainly not right now.”

Virgil nodded.

Patton sighed again, this one more gentle than the heavy bearing ones before it. “You two should be getting some rest. It’s late.” He pulled Logan, who was already drifting back to sleep, closer to him.

“Yeah. Goodnight, guys.”

“G'night, Virgil.”

Virgil found himself in an awkward position because of Roman. He could have pushed his legs off to get into a better position, but that seemed a little cruel. So instead he opted to inconvenience himself. He shifted to be in the crook of the couch. It wasn't the most comfortable place but he'd live. He leaned his head back and put an arm over his eyes. Already, he began to feel sleep weigh on him.

After a few minutes of silence, Virgil heard Logan's groggy voice mumble, “You need sleep too.”

“Of course,” Patton answered, voice gentle, “I'll just be up for a bit.”

“M'not goin’ anywhere.”

“I-I know. I just, I just want to be sure.”

“If that'll make you feel better.”

“Yes. Now go to sleep, Lo.”

~~~

Thomas woke up at five in the morning. He only knew because the clock mocked him; it faced him with its dumb glowing numbers. How dare it. He could have been sleeping more. Instead, he uncurled himself from the armchair. His joints popped and a tingly feeling shot up from his toes. Maybe staying in one position the whole night wasn't the best way to sleep.

He took note of the rest of the people in the room with him. Lucky for them, they got to stay sleeping. Patton stretched against the length of the sofa with Logan on his chest and his arms wrapped around him protectively. Patton's glasses were pushed against the top of his head. How they managed to get themselves into that position was beyond him. Roman and Virgil's legs were tangled together. Somehow, Roman had Virgil's hoodie draped over him like a blanket even though Thomas was pretty sure Virgil didn't take it off. It was cute, though.

Sending a final glare at the clock, Thomas picked himself up and headed toward the bathroom. He didn't bother shutting the door. Everyone else was still asleep so it wasn't as if they would intrude.

He placed his hands on the counter and stared at himself in the mirror. His reflection stared back at him with tired eyes. For the first time ever, he became all too aware of the long life he's lived. Ninety-four years didn't feel like anything. In the blink of an eye, he was ninety-four. It didn't feel any different than eighty or thirty. He hardly aged during those times. Maybe faster than he should have been, but still not much at all. So the eyes that stared back at him looked as old as they were rather than as young as they looked.

There was so much that they’d seen. Too much, some might say.

He frowned.

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he stayed with his family. If he and Picani hadn’t been forced to leave, how could have things played out? Would his parents be proud of him? What about his brothers? Would they grow up to be amazing in every way -- would they be masters in their magic types? What would they think of Thomas? Would they look down on him for still not having magic? Would they even care?

He liked to think they were out there somewhere looking for him. He wanted to think it -- needed to. If they were gone… he didn’t even want to consider it. It was his fault. There wasn’t any other way of saying it. It was all his fault. Everything.

Way back when he was five years old, he made the first of many grave mistakes. He told Terrance that magic was real -- showed him proof. And Terrance went off to tell everyone he knew in his excitement. They were just kids. They didn’t know that anything bad would happen. In a perfect world, nothing would have happened. People would have brushed off Terrance’s words as the imagination of a child. Except that wasn't how it went down.

Someone heard about it who shouldn't have. Then they told Altair.

From what Thomas remembers, people broke into the house. There was a lot of commotion. His mother took him away from his brothers and handed him over to Picani. She told them to run. He didn’t know what was happening. There was so much noise. He never got to give a proper goodbye, but they were far away by the time that he realized it. It wasn't until Picani explained things later that Thomas found out it was his fault. No one was supposed to know where his family was. No one should have known they had magic.

Thomas didn't know how Picani couldn't hate him after that. He could have left him somewhere at any point and been done with it. He could have handed him over to one of his parents' friends. But he didn't. He decided to stay. No matter how many times Thomas messed up or hurt him, he always stayed. He always came back. And Thomas couldn't understand that.

He was such a problem -- he caused so many problems. Last night showed him how much trouble he really was. He was faced with every horrible decision he ever made. There were quite a few. He had to watch himself tell Terrance about magic all over again. He felt Picani’s blood on his hands. He caused so much pain. He’s said so many things he didn’t mean, and did so much he couldn’t take back.

“Oh gosh,” Thomas muttered. He wiped his face as tears started to fall. Another thing that was common in the incidents he saw was how much he cried. "I'm such a baby." He needed to stop crying so much.

"Thomas?"

Thomas froze. He saw Logan squinting at him from the mirror. Whether it was from sleepiness or lack of glasses was debatable.

"What are you doing up?"

"I-I, uh," he hurried to wipe his eyes, "what are you doing up?"

"I wanted to get water, but then I saw you in here." He stepped into the room. "Are you okay?"

He sighed. "I don't know."

"Ugh, feelings." Logan leaned against the wall. He could still be seen in the reflection of the mirror.

Thomas couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I know. They're pretty bad sometimes."

"Tell me about it." He paused. "If Patton heard us talking like that we'd probably get a whole lecture saying the opposite."

There was no argument there. "Speaking of Patton, how'd you get out of the death grip he had on you?"

"Very carefully."

Thomas snorted. "That was such a teacher answer."

"I wouldn't know."

"You went to college."

"That's hardly the same thing."

Perhaps not. Thomas wouldn't know. He's never been -- not yet at least. Still, he couldn't let go of a thought he had. In truth, it had been plaguing him since last night. "Logan, have you ever…" He didn't know how to word it without raising any alarms.

"Ever what?" Logan's brows knitted together.

There wasn’t an easy way to say it. “Why have you and Patton stayed with me so long?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he sighed, “why didn’t you ever give me up? You had plenty of opportunities to.”

“Why would we ever want to give you up?” Logan seemed genuinely confused by the question. “What reasoning would we have for that?”

Thomas found himself getting frustrated. Not at Logan or at himself or even at anything, really. It built up inside of him because it needed to. Because he spent so long being told that he was a mistake except by the one person who had every right to. “I’m the reason we’re even here right now. I’m the reason we had to run away -- I’m the reason you lost your magic.” He buried his face in his hands. “I cause a lot of bad things to happen.”

“Well, let’s get at least one of those things straight.” He pushed himself off the wall to join Thomas at the sink. “You didn’t make me lose my magic. I made a brash decision that came with undesirable consequences, that wasn’t any of your doing. We were supposed to get you and then leave, but what happened wasn’t because of you. It was something that happened all on its own -- spurred by a decision that I made. It had nothing to do with you.

“I can’t say that you’re not partially responsible for us having to run, but it isn’t your fault. You were only a child, Thomas, you had no idea that anything would have happened. As far as you knew, you were just telling your friend about your family. Neither of you explicitly told anyone to come after us. It was a rather unfortunate series of events. The wrong thing said at the wrong time. There was no way to predict anything would happen.”

Thomas frowned. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” He gave him a tiny smile. “Stopping at every crack in the road isn't going to get you where you need to be. Things happen whether we want them to or not, but no matter what you think you’ve done, you’ll always be our favorite person in the whole wide world.”

Oh gosh. Now Thomas was going to cry for a different reason. That’s something Picani would always say to him when he was younger. “Thanks.”

Logan’s smile widened for a fraction of a second before returning to a more subtle one. “We should get back. All hell might break loose if Patton wakes up and sees that we’re gone.”

Thomas didn’t doubt that.

(Next)

[theraredreamer]

The Raven Cycle Fic: A Study of Living in Your Own Skin (A Presentation by Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey the III)

By: @rarity-kasket

14k words, Rated T

Summary: Hate would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III, the overtly pretentious guy who sits in the front row in his world history class. Adam’s feelings for Gansey are complicated, and it doesn’t help when Professor Malory suggests that the two boys make a presentation for an upcoming Comparative Mythology Conference. As Adam encounters Gansey and his strange obsession with a dead Welsh king named Glendower, Adam learns an invaluable lesson that Yale could never teach him. There is always more under the surface. (An Adansey AU)

Hello, peeps! This a gift for the awesome @coolkumquat in celebration of the @trc-exchange because the world needs a little more Adansey, and these two nerds need a little more love. Enjoy and Happy Holidays! #teamrarepairings 

Click for Ao3 Link

 ***

Hate would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for the overtly pretentious guy who sat in the front row in his world history class. Annoyance, maybe? Frustration, definitely yes. If Adam was honest with himself, he would admit that this all boiled down to a simple case of jealousy, as irrational and passionate as it was.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, like clockwork, Adam ran into Professor Malory’s world history course, warm and sweaty because Introduction to Psychology was located all the way across campus, and the only way he could make this class on time was if he sprinted. And before every class, like clockwork, Professor Malory and Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III engaged in a highbrow, scholarly conversation while the rest of the class sat in silence, watching the two intellectuals go back and forth like a tennis match. That was annoying, but it wasn’t the most irritating thing about class.

The most insufferable part of world history was watching Gansey’s hand fly up again and again and again to answer Malory’s questions with the most roundabout and pretentious responses known to mankind. The guy couldn’t go three words in a sentence without breaking out an SAT prep word such as repugnant, injurious, and grandiose. Words that made the entire class nod in approval and lean forward in their seats to get a glance at Richard Gansey the III. Meanwhile, Adam felt like he needed to bring a thesaurus to class.

The students at Yale University were the daughters and sons of CEO executives, senators, and Nobel Prize recipients. Adam Parrish was the son of nobody. Most students here inherited a disposition towards success from their parents. Adam inherited a disposition towards quick anger and alcoholism. Being at Yale, being surrounded by thoughtful intellectuals, was a constant reminder that he didn’t belong. He was just an imposter, a wannabe, killing himself with academics just to prove to the world that Adam Parrish was normal, that he could fit in, that he wasn’t as fucked up as he felt sometimes. In the presence of Richard Gansey the III, Adam felt like a nobody. He felt it like a stab to the heart. 

Today in class, Professor Malory started on a grueling lecture on the culture of ancient Greece, and it wasn’t long before Gansey’s hand rose high in the air to contribute to the class discussion.

“Contrary to the fantastical myths the Greeks constructed, much of their culture was rooted in an essential rationality. The Greek hero Hercules was said to have conquered some of the most preposterous beasts, and yet, he resided in the city of Thebes, an actual city in Greece. Coincidentally, the exact city where Aphrodite, the love goddess was born of sea foam. The Greeks endowed their gods with the resemblance of man, ‘at the age when youth is loveliest’ as Homer once quoted, because man was most rational, and therefore their gods dwell in the image of man.”

While Malory and his classmates nodded in approval before launching into a discussion of the role religion played in ancient Greek society, the corner of Adam’s lips twitched with irritation. This guy could not be more full of himself, sprouting out ridiculous words like endowed just so heads would turn in his direction. Who just threw that word into normal speech? Who randomly quoted Homer on regular occasions? No one, except Richard “Dick” Gansey the III. Other hands punched the air to add on to the ostentatious comment.

When class ended, Professor Malory implored the students to pick up their essays assigned from two weeks ago. Adam spent his time slowly packing away his notes as other classmates piled into one line to collect their papers before dashing off to their next class. He glanced down at his wristwatch, a cheap thing that he splurged on at Walmart once. Adam, thankfully, had a free period, and he had planned to spend it in the library catching up on this week’s readings. When most students had cleared out, Adam approached Malory who was engaged in a deep conversation with Gansey. Malory’s smiling eyes flickered to Adam before he pulled his paper off the top stack.

“Ah, Mr. Parrish, wonderful essay on Hammurabi’s code. Absolutely insightful. This is what I mean about thinking critically about history.”

Adam’s expression brightened, and he stood a little taller at Malory’s compliment like a plant in the sunlight. “Thank you, sir.”

“You must know Old Gansey boy here.” Malory reached over and patted Gansey on the shoulder, and Adam’s gaze drifted to him. It was hard not to miss his presence. He was like the light that drew in moths; wherever Gansey went, eyes followed. Adam had never been this close to him before. Gansey was one of those model types that could be found in a Ralph Lauren spread with his styled brown hair, his Hollywood smile, his classic, Anglo-Saxon face that any sculptor would kill to look upon.

“Pleasure to meet you, Adam Parrish.” Gansey’s mouth wrapped around his name in a way that would make anyone feel worthy, and for a second, Adam was almost bewitched. He extended his hand to shake, and Adam took it. The handshake was steady and firm.

“It’s great to finally meet you. You have so much to say in class.”

Gansey laughed, letting go of Adam’s hand and dropping his own to his side.

“Now that you two have met,” Professor Malory pushed his spectacles up on his nose. The statement caught Adam off-guard, curious as to what the professor would say next. “Mr. Parrish, this year, Yale will be hosting a Comparative Mythology conference at the end of January. Gansey Boy here is looking for a partner to present with, and I would highly recommend you as a worthy co-presenter.”

Adam felt gobsmacked by the offer. He turned to Gansey, who appraised him, a hopeful glimmer in his deep hazel eyes.

“I…” Adam cleared his throat. “Could I have some time to think about this before I commit?”

Professor Malory looked to Gansey for answers, who simply nodded.

“Yes indeed, in fact,” Gansey reached into his satchel and produced a business card, which he held out to Adam. Adam tried not to judge the fact that a college freshman carried business cards, but also, why hadn’t Adam thought of an idea like that? He took the card, which had Gansey’s telephone number and email address on it. He even had a website too. What could he possibly have on a website? Oddly, his first name Richard or his nickname ‘Dick’ was nowhere on the card, just his last name, Gansey. “Take my business card in case you have any questions.”

“Of course,” Adam tucked it safely in his back pocket. “I should go, but thank you for the invitation.”

Adam bade goodbye to Professor Malory and Gansey before dashing off to the library. It was not a long walk from his history class. Adam found a peaceful corner to study in. Normally, he would dive into his Virgil translations, blocking the outside world until he drowned himself in Virgil’s beautiful Latin prose, but his mind kept going back to a certain crisp pastel pink polo shirt. Adam gave up on Virgil and made the decision to stay up later tonight to spend more time on his Latin translations. He pulled out the business card in his back pocket and a laptop that he borrowed from the library on his first day of classes before typing in Gansey’s website address.

It was amazing how much time a person could waste on the internet. Adam must have spent thirty minutes sifting through Gansey’s website. Whoever this Owen Glendower legend was, Gansey was obsessed with him. There was a fountain of information on his life, the mystery surrounding his supposed death, these things called ley lines, and other related supernatural events. There were pictures of Gansey’s globe-trotting adventures and notes about his findings. Adam never met someone so… obsessed.

Adam pulled out his graded essay and stared at the comments made by Professor Malory on the pages, his chest swelling with pride. Maybe he did belong here.  

“Yeah, Dad is taking us to Montreal for the Christmas holiday. How gay is that?”

Adam groaned and slipped low into his chair. Unfortunately, he knew that voice anywhere.

“Speaking of gay, sup Parrish.”

“Tad.” Adam forced through clenched teeth. Tad strolled over, cuffing him on the back of the head. Adam Parrish had the most unfortunate pleasure of sharing a room with Tad Carruthers. If there was anyone who annoyed Adam more than Richard Gansey the III, it was Tad.

“What are you looking at?” He peered over Adam’s shoulder, breathing on his neck and pressing his big nose into the laptop screen.

“Who’s that? Your boyfriend, Parrish? I got to say, you have nice taste.” Tad and his friends, who hovered by the table, laughed.

Adam slammed the laptop shut before packing his things away. “I was doing research for a conference that I’m presenting at in January. If you would excuse me, I have to go.” He snatched his belongings off the desk and ran straight into the men’s restroom.

Adam locked himself in a bathroom stall, leaning against the wall with his eyes squeezed tight before slowly picking apart his anger. He knew boys like Tad all too well. The small hicksville town he came from had a fancy private school full of Tads with their expensive cars and superior attitudes and impeccable uniforms. Adam remembered how badly he wanted to be them, to have all the wealth in the world. He wanted the sharp suits and the nice cars and the women draped all over him like the magazine spreads he used to collect.

Yale was supposed to change that.

When Adam calmed down, he left the bathroom stall and walked to his next class.

 *** The next morning Adam got up super early, made coffee, and hiked to the library to do more studying. As he dropped down into his chair, a yawn escaped his lips. He finished his Latin translations despite the fact that Tad had sexiled him until two in the morning. Adam stayed up another hour studying for an upcoming test.

As a stack of books dropped on the table in front of him, Adam flinched before he looked up from his psychology notes. Gansey stood before him looking abnormally pristine and chipper for seven in the morning.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” He asked, waiting for an affirmative. Adam stared at Gansey, startled by both his appearance and request. He recovered quickly, clearing the table to make room for Gansey.

“Be my guest.”He sat across from Adam and cracked opened books of his own to study. They worked in silence, which surprised Adam because the guy never shut up in class. Every once in awhile, he stole furtive glances at Gansey hunched over his textbook, eyebrows furrowed and his thumb brushing thoughtfully over his lips as he poured over the text. Every time, Adam swallowed thickly and went back to working furiously.

Gansey cleared his throat, and Adam looked up at him to find curious eyes studying him.

“Have you given thought to my proposal?”

“Is that why you sat over here? Are you stalking me?” Adam asked, and Gansey’s cheeks flushed.

“No. You didn’t call last night to ask questions. I was here first, and I saw you sit down, so I thought I would ask.”

“Richard–” Adam started, but the other boy cut him off.

“Gansey.”

“What?”

“Please call me Gansey. I prefer it,” he corrected. That explained the business card.

“Okay… Gansey,” Adam tested the name on his lips, “I’m flattered Professor Malory regarded me so highly that he thought I would make a great partner to present at this conference–”

 Gansey cut him off again.

“Please consider this piece of information before you decline the proposal. I actually suggested partnering up with you, and Professor Mallory agreed.” He admitted, and that tiny bit of information shook Adam to the core. Gansey choose him? He personally sought him out because he wanted to work with Adam? When Adam didn’t reply, Gansey continued. “Your comments are so insightful and brilliant when Professor Malory calls on you. I’m jealous sometimes that I hadn’t thought of such a response.”

Richard Gansey the III was jealous of him…

Adam Parrish the I. 

The words almost knocked the breath out of him. He spent months envying Gansey for his intellect and his wealth and his popularity. And this whole time, Gansey envied him. Adam felt something dangerously smug blossom inside his chest.

“I would be honored to have you a part of the team,” Gansey said. Those words had sealed Adam’s answer.

 “Okay, I’ll do the presentation with you in January.”

Gansey’s entire expression brightened, and he clapped his hands in delight. “Excellent!” He cried.

“Do you have an idea of what you would like to present on?”

At Adam’s question, Gansey’s eyes grew keen as he leaned over the table in a conspiratory manner.

“Have you heard of the Legend of Owen Glendower?”

***

And so, Adam and Gansey became friends. Gansey was no longer the guy with the overambitious comments in world history, even if he still occasionally threw out an SAT vocab every third word. After classes, they would go to the library to conduct research, or they would go up to Gansey’s dorm to discuss theories about Glendower. Adam even met Gansey’s roommate Henry Cheng, who was a member of the Yale Student Environmental Coalition on campus and planned to run for student council in the spring. Adam enjoyed Henry’s presence, and he liked being in Gansey and Henry’s room. It was bright and imaginative and colorful. On their walls, they tacked up maps of exotic places and posters of Madonna. By their window sill, Gansey had a collection of potted mint leaves. They even squeezed a bookshelf into the dorm, filled with carefully preserved books on various topics from astrophysics to ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Some of the books on the shelves weren’t even in English. Some were in French and Latin and Mandarin and Sanskrit. Some were in languages that even Adam couldn’t identify. In a quaint dorm room, they had their own personal library. Adam was in love with Gansey and Henry’s room, and now he had access to it whenever he liked.

Sometimes they didn’t study when Adam came over, but they went driving in the Pig or watched movies like Indiana Jones and Star Wars instead.

“What’s your house, Adam? I bet you’re a Ravenclaw. Ooh nevermind, I can definitely see you being a Slytherin.” Henry asked on a particular day that Adam and Gansey were studying in their room. Gansey sat at his desk facing the windows, typing quietly as he went back and forth between two opened textbooks and his laptop, and Adam sat on his bed. Initially, he felt uncomfortable sitting on another’s person bed, but Gansey insisted that it was fine.

“My what?’ Adam looked up from his notes at Henry, who was leaning off the side of his loft bed, upside down and smiling at Adam.

“Your Hogwarts house? Gansey and I are both Ravenclaws.”

The word Hogwarts registered to him. Henry was referring to the Harry Potter series.

“Oh. I don’t know. I’ve never read the books or seen the movies.” He said. Adam remembered most kids in his grade being obsessed with the series. He never got a chance to enjoy fanciful and childish things like Harry Potter. His father had beaten all that was whimsical and magical out of Adam’s childhood.

To Adam’s offhand remark, the soft clicking of Gansey’s keyboard stopped as he swiveled around in his chair to look at Adam, and Henry sat up in his bed to openly gape.

“What?”

“Adam Parrish, do not ‘what’ me,” said Henry. “How have you–” Henry paused, appearing lost for words. When Adam glanced at Gansey for help, he too was staring at Adam as if he was an alien from out of space.“What do you mean–Even if you haven’t read the books, tell me you’re lying about the movies.”

Adam mustered his best apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay. That’s it.” Henry climbed down his loft bed. “Everyone, drop what you’re doing right now.” He said, walking over to Gansey’s laptop and closing it shut.

“Henry!”

Henry ignored Gansey’s protest and grabbed the books that Gansey had flopped over. He took up Adam’s notebook too and dropped them on his desk. “There will be no more Glendower tonight. Instead, Adam is going to grab clothes from his dorm because he is most definitely staying over. Afterwards, we’re driving to Target for popcorn and gummy worms. Then we’re going to have a complete Harry Potter movie marathon, and we will stay in this dorm together for however long that takes.” From the intense, dead serious expression on Henry’s face, Adam believed that Henry would keep him prisoner here until every movie was watched. There was no escape.

“That’s absurd! You can’t show him the movies before he has even read the books.” Gansey cried, horrified, gawking at Henry as if he had suggested setting a library on fire.

“If he sees the movies first, then he has nothing to be disappointed with,” Henry replied before he grabbed the keys to the Pig and tossed them at Gansey, who caught them with an ease that impressed Adam.

Henry had committed himself to this movie marathon sleepover. So Adam ran back to his dorm and packed a bag with his clothes and homework. Despite the fact that this was inconveniencing his plans to study in the library all day tomorrow, Adam felt excited about the prospect of staying over tonight. He never got to do things like this as a child. It didn’t take long to pack his belongings before meeting Gansey and Henry outside by the Pig. Henry was already in the back, so Adam slipped into the passenger seat next to Gansey. On the way to Target, Henry talked a lot about his quasi-romance with a blonde guy who skateboarded everywhere around campus. Once he almost ran Henry over…that was the extent of all their romantic and non-romantic interactions.

“Every time I look at him, it’s like glitter exploding inside of me, you know?” Henry gushed in the backseat.

“Uh-huh, that’s nice,” Gansey said distractedly as he leaned forward to see if any oncoming cars were driving towards them as he prepared for a left turn. Henry threw Gansey an exaggerated glare before he sat up, something in the window catching his eyes.

“I forgot there is a Barnes and Noble next to the Target. Pull into the bookstore.” Gansey complied, pulling into the parking lot. Henry took Adam by the hand and dragged him inside.

“What do you need from the bookstore?” Gansey asked Henry, who grinned back at him.

“It’s not what I need.” He grinned at Adam. The other boys were quick on the uptake. They searched the store for the Harry Potter section. It wasn’t hard to find as the table was obnoxiously dressed with Harry Potter merchandise. Henry picked up a book and handed to him. Adam barely glanced at the title, flipped over the cover of the book, and scanned the barcode tag.

Ten dollars and ninety-nine cents.

He could afford that.

Adam flipped the cover back over to reveal a scrawny little boy riding a broomstick. Stenciled at the top was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

“Henry, if you’re going to make him read the series, wouldn’t it make sense to get him this?”

Adam’s head snapped up, and Gansey was holding a huge box of books. Adam’s stomach plummeted. He knew that box cost more than ten dollars and ninety-nine cents, more than what he could afford.

Adam no longer had to work tirelessly at three jobs, and he lived comfortably on his stipend from his one work-study assignment. However, Adam still didn’t have money to splurge on whatever he fancied.

“Oh, that’s smart! And it’ll save money!” Henry claimed. Adam took the box in his hands. The price tag almost made him drop the box. Henry must have noticed.

“What’s the matter?”

Adam didn’t know how to explain to them that he didn’t have the money to pay for this. That awful divide that separated Adam from their world reared its ugly head. His mouth was dry, and heat crept into the back of his neck.

“I didn’t bring enough money for this. So let’s just get the one book.” He started to put the box back, but Gansey grabbed the other end of it.

“Well, I was planning on buying it myself anyway. Don’t worry about it.” Gansey said. Adam stared at him, horrified.

Gansey paying for the books was worse than Adam not being able to afford the books.

“I couldn’t let you do that.” Adam pulled on the box.

“It’s no big deal. It’s only a hundred dollars.” Gansey said with an air of frivolousness that made Adam almost drop the box again.

“Well, a hundred can be a lot for some people.” Adam shot back. “At least let me pay you back for the books.”

“You should hold on to your money. Consider this a gift from Henry and me.” Gansey flashed him that Hollywood smile that could get away with murder. “If anything, this is a gift to Henry.”

“He’s not wrong.” Henry agreed. “You reading the series is payment enough.”

Adam’s pride didn’t let him buy into that. He glanced reluctantly between the two. “Fine, but I get to buy the snacks at Target.”

“If that is what it takes, fine.” Henry snagged the box and made an eager stride towards the counter. It left Adam and Gansey alone in the aisle, and Adam could barely meet Gansey’s gaze.

In the end, Gansey paid for Adam’s books. As the price ringed up on the register, Adam turned away. Gansey and Henry, however, were true to their word and let Adam buy the snacks at Target, which assuaged some of his guilt. Later that night, they made buttery popcorn in the communal kitchen. As they snacked on popcorn and gummy worms, and sodas, Adam let Henry and Gansey walk him through their favorite books. Henry preferred the Goblet of Fire while Gansey’s favorite was the Half-Blood Prince. Adam didn’t know what any of that meant. They made it far into the marathon. Henry was the first to go. He fell asleep during the third movie. Adam couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore halfway into the forth.

“You’re falling asleep,” Gansey said as Adam’s head nodded back into the futon. Henry was sprawled out across their laps.

“No, I’m not…” Adam protested. “I’m watching.”

“Adam, your eyes are closed.” Gansey pointed out.

“I’m picturing the movie in my mind.”

“We should stop for tonight.” Gansey made a slow attempt to stand, but Adam pulled on his arm.

“I’m awake. I promise. I’m watching.” Adam’s words slurred, and he forced his eyes open to look at Gansey who stared back at him with a hint of distrust before settling back into the futon. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed again, and his face sagged into Gansey’s shoulder.

“I never said thank you earlier,” Adam mumbled into the fabric of Gansey’s sweater. He inhaled deeply and caught the strong and comforting scent of mint.

“For what?”  

“The books.”

“Oh, it was nothing really.” Gansey dismissed.

“But it is…” Adam’s yawned. He felt sleep dragging him further and further down the rabbit hole, images swirling until he could see the movie clearly in his mind. Then it was just Gansey and him in their Hogwarts uniforms, walking together on school grounds. “I’m not used to things like that.”

“Things like what?” Gansey sounded far away, despite the fact that he was standing next to him. Adam’s eyes flickered to the dark blue tie, tucked under his jumper. Adam was wearing a matching green tie.

“Doing nice things for me…I’m used to being on my own.”

Gansey smiled, and his hand reached out to brush Adam’s cheek. His voice was as gentle as the balm of Gilead. “You deserve to have nice things happen to you all the time.”

Adam couldn’t remember much of his dream after that.

***

They were in the local coffee shop pouring over history and mythology books. Gansey had ordered something large and ridiculous like a dirty Earl Grey chai tea with extra vanilla and nutmeg. Adam had ordered a simple black coffee. Gansey offered to pay, which started a passive aggressive argument in front of the cashier. They stopped when the lady behind them cleared her throat in a loud and obnoxious way that told them to take their argument somewhere that was not delaying her caffeine fix.

At the current moment, they were having another disagreement at the table. This time, more intellectual.

“But why would Glendower have his body sailed across the Atlantic ocean of all places? How would he have known about the landmass across the Atlantic when Christopher Columbus didn’t land in the Americas until 1492? Glendower went missing in 1412, eighty years before the Europeans knew about the land?” Adam challenged Gansey.

“Oh, Adam, ye of little faith and always the skeptic. Glendower possessed supernatural abilities as it is mentioned in Shakespeare’s King Henry IV Part One. Glendower says ‘Give me leave to tell you once again that at my birth the front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, the goats ran from the mountains, and the herds were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields. These signs have mark’d me extraordinary; And all the courses of my life do show I am not in the roll of common men’ Don’t you see, Adam? Glendower is a magician. He could have easily used his magic to conceal himself without others knowing. And the Vikings discovered America before Columbus, so why can’t Glendower?”

Adam wanted to tell Gansey that quoting Shakespeare in common conversation was pompous, but instead, he said,“You can’t discover land that already has people occupying it. That’s called colonization, also known as a dick move.”

“I can’t tell if that is purely a criticism of colonization or a pun ridiculing me?”

“I’ll leave that up to your interpretation,” Adam smirked.

“Then I am choosing the former.” Gansey laughed before the lines around his eyes and mouth grew soft, and his smile became sheepish. He leaned across the small table, and Adam, feeling daring in the moment, mimicked the gesture, letting their forearms brush together. Gansey glanced down at their arms strangely, but didn’t complain or inch away. His eyes traveled up to Adam’s face. The lighting in the coffee shop brought out the hazel in his eyes. Gansey took in his fair share of Adam too, eyes roving over the features of his face. Heat crept onto Adam’s ears and neck. He couldn’t tell what Gansey was thinking, and when the staring overwhelmed him, Adam swallowed and turned his gaze out towards the window to watch the snowfall.

“I wanted to ask you a question, but I’m not sure how you will respond,” Gansey said, so quietly that Adam had to tilt his head towards Gansey because he was straining to hear.

“Oh?” Adam asked calmly, but his pulse started to race.

“I don’t know if you have plans for the winter holidays or not, but I have a possible lead on some mysterious ley line activity, a few hours outside of DC. I thought maybe you would like to stay with my family for the holidays, and we could drive to the ley lines together…for research.”

It wasn’t the question he expected, and Adam felt both disappointed and foolish.

“Winter break is a month long.” He frowned. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding at all. I was planning on returning to campus early after the new year. My mother has this new years party that I have to attend. You should come. There will be all sorts of influential people that I’ll introduce you to, who can offer you summer internships.”

The thought of Gansey whoring him out to CEO execs and senators just so he could kiss ass and beg for internships made him nauseous. The heat in his ears and his neck spread all over until Adam was positively brimming at the audacity of Richard Gansey the III.

“And what? Am I supposed to just be your puppy on the leash for the night? Is that it?” Adam asked through clenched teeth. Gansey instantly realized his mistake.

“No, that’s not–”

“You want me to roll over and do tricks for your little friends hoping that someone will throw me scraps.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“What did you mean?”

“I just… I wanted you there for the holidays.” Gansey sighed. His shoulders sagged, and his eyes dropped down to the table. “I mentioned the party because I thought it would make you say yes.”

“I’m not superficial,” Adam said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not your friend because you can get me connections. I’m your friend because I want to be.”

At those words, Gansey stared at Adam reverent and utterly awestruck.

“Uh, thank you.” Gansey cleared his throat. “That means a lot.”

“I’ll come.”

“What?” Gansey asked.

“I’ll come to DC over the break, and we can check out the ley lines for the presentation.”

Gansey smiled, his eyes bright and twinkling in the soft light of the coffee shop.

***

Adam had never been to Washington DC before, and Gansey showed him all that the city had to offer. They went to the Lincoln Memorial and sat on the stairs where Martin Luther King had a dream, looking out over the reflecting pool towards the Washington Monument. They visited the National Archives to get a glimpse at the Declaration of Independence. Every day, Adam thought about the thousands of people they passed by. Some of these people were lawyers who argued before the Supreme Court or doctors rushing off to save lives. Around them, people were making a difference in the world, and Adam wanted to be one of them.

They had just got off the metro at Dupont Circle. As the two boys stepped onto the chilly and crowded streets of Connecticut Avenue, Adam pressed himself close to Gansey’s left side as they walked down the street together. Gansey refused to tell Adam where exactly he was taking him. The only clue he would give when Adam asked was that this place was his favorite setting in all of DC. Adam was naturally curious. They didn’t have to walk for long because Gansey stopped outside a small ma and pa bookstore. Stenciled outside the shop were the words Kramerbooks & Afterword.

“Your favorite place is a bookstore?” Adam laughed. Honestly, he should have known.

“Followed by the Library of Congress, That would be my favorite location if we could actually keep the books,” Gansey said before opening the door and motioning Adam inside. Kramerbooks was small and quaint with shelves and shelves of books lining every inch of the wall. Display tables were everywhere and piled with mountains of books, and Adam couldn’t move anywhere without brushing shoulders with another person. Gansey instantly busied himself with perusing the shelves. The place was small enough that Adam felt comfortable enough to detach from Gansey without losing him. He wandered around the store, flipping through books and reading covers until he stumbled upon a title that struck his interest. He snuck furtive glances over his shoulders, his ears burning before he snatched the book to find a comfortable nook to read in. Crammed into a small corner with the book perched on his knees, Adam realized why Gansey favored this place. The bookshelves enclosed around Adam, nestled him into a small and comforting pocket of the bookshop. For a while, Adam was in his own world, reading.

Philosophers love puzzles, and love provides a welter for puzzle. It does not take exceptional humility to admit that we are often confused about it. Love is selfless; love is selfish. Love is kind; love is cruel. Love is fickle; love is forever. Love is heaven; love is hell. Love is war–

“What do you have there?” Adam’s head snapped up. Gansey loomed over him, peering down at Adam curiously. Adam snapped the book close and stood to his feet.

“Just a book that I found laying around. It looked interesting.”

Gansey glanced down at the cover before his eyes drew back to Adam’s face with a raised eyebrow. “You thought Love: A Very Short Introduction looked like an interesting read?”

“Yes. It’s a very philosophical read.” Adam’s ears burned before his gaze traveled to the books tucked under Gansey’s arms. “Did you buy those?” He slipped the book back on a shelf in a discreet fashion as Gansey fumbled with his books.

“Oh yes! Let’s grab a table in the cafe, and I’ll show them to you.” Gansey said, and Adam followed him to the back of the cramped bookshop and into the cafe. They sat at an empty table before a waitress came by and jotted down their orders. She came back with an apple crumb pie for Adam and a sweet potato cheesecake for Gansey.

“What books did you get?” Adam pointed to the stack of books that Gansey had on the table before cutting into his pie with his fork. As Adam ate, Gansey enthusiastically showed Adam the books he picked up, Other Worlds: Spirituality and the Search for Invisible Dimensions by Christopher G. White and The Lost Art of Finding Our Way by John Edward Huth. Gansey would even flip open the book to read interesting passages out loud, and Adam let him because he liked the sound of Gansey’s reading voice and the way his mouth moved as it wrapped around the words. Gansey prattled on endlessly about his new books for so long that the waitress had picked up Adam’s empty dish way before Gansey finished his cheesecake.

“I’ve heard of strawberry cheesecake or chocolate cheesecake, but sweet potato and cheesecake seem like a strange mixture.” Adam scrunched up his nose, watching Gansey polish off his plate. He still had half a plate of cheesecake to get rid of.

“Would you like to sample a bite?” Gansey asked, pushing the plate across the table, Adam stared at the dessert apprehensively before he picked up Gansey’s fork. He sliced into the cheesecake and took a bite. The sweet taste of maple melted on his tongue and a soft hum of delight escaped his lips. Adam slid the fork out of his mouth.

“Okay, I was wrong. That’s good stuff.” He smiled and held the fork out to Gansey, who stared at him so strangely. He didn’t miss the way Gansey swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing, before his fingers closed around the fork, brushing against Adam’s.

“So,” Gansey cleared his throat. “This is probably none of my business, but I’m curious about the book you were reading earlier. Are you endeavoring to court someone?”

“I can’t believe you just asked me if I’m courting someone.” Adam snorted. “How old are you? Eighteen going on eighty-five?”  He asked, and Gansey didn’t miss a beat.

“A hundred and two actually.”

“Well, then you look good for your age.”

Gansey burst into laughter, and something proud blossomed in Adam’s chest that he managed to put that luminous smile on Gansey’s face. When his laughter died, he asked Adam again. “So are you courting someone?”

Adam shook his head, and his ears started to grow warm again. “I was curious about what love is…from a psychological and philosophical point of view.”

“And you thought you could learn that from a book?” Gansey questioned, furrowing his brow as if he was trying to piece something together about Adam.

“Pathetic, right?” Adam laughed it off, but Gansey didn’t buy Adam’s self-deprecating humor, studying him like a sheet of glass with fracture lines all over, with hesitation and caution. When the staring became too much, Adam changed the subject.

“We should go down to the waterfront today. We didn’t get a chance to go yesterday.” Adam said.

The subject change distracted Gansey.

“You’re right! We didn’t. The Wharf isn’t far from here. We can take the metro down there and walk around for awhile. It’s not a far walk from the National Mall either.”

Gansey, with help from Adam, quickly finished off the rest of the cheesecake before they left the bookshop and hopped back on the metro towards the Wharf. The view was gorgeous, even for winter. Boats and small yachts sat on the sparkling blue water next to the luxurious high rise apartments and swanky shops. Gansey insisted that the view was better in the summer sunshine. They walked along the waterfront, watching the boats in the harbor with Adam’s right shoulder barely brushing against Gansey’s left shoulder as they walked.

“What are you going to do with a psychology degree?” Gansey asked him out of the blue, but Adam could tell that he had been sitting on this question for a while. The comment came off condescendingly.

“What are you going to do with an anthropology degree?” Adam shot back at him.

“No, I’m being serious.” The twinkle in Gansey’s eyes was earnest, and Adam didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m going to law school to become a criminal prosecutor. Psychology sounded like a smart choice for a background in law.”

“Why?”

Adam paused to look at Gansey. Next to them, a bonfire roared to life and a crowd was making s’mores around the fire.

“Why is psychology a smart decision?”

“No. Why do you want to be a prosecutor?”

An uncomfortable and thick silence passed through them, and Adam felt himself grow awkward by the second. He got the question about what he wanted to do after college all the time, but no one ever asked him why. Adam thought long and careful about what he could say to Gansey.

“I want to help people who can’t defend themselves,” he said, and his own confidence surprised him, as well as Gansey, who stared at him with parted lips.

“That’s…” Gansey took his time with a response. “That’s very noble of you.”  

He ended the sentence with a smile that warmed Adam from the inside out, more than the fire they were standing next to. Gansey’s eyes regarded him as some sort of god made for worship, and Adam rather liked it before he chastised himself for being vain. Vain enough to think that Gansey, the boy with all the wealth and beauty that anyone could ever want, found him worthy. How could Gansey want him when he didn’t even know how broken he was?

“I’m kind of cold,” said Gansey. “Do you want to snag one of those chairs and have s’mores?”

“Sure.”

“Excelsior!” Gansey cheered, rushing towards an empty chair. Adam laughed.

“Calm down buddy, it’s just a chair–” Adam clipped the end of the word chair as soon as he heard the southern drawl slip out. It made Gansey pause to cock his head curiously at him. Adam’s ears burned with shame.

“What was that?” He asked.

“What was what?” Adam’s voice returned to normal.

“That southern drawl just now?”

Gansey had definitely heard it.

“You can’t talk. Have you heard your voice?” Adam tried to laugh it off, but Gansey flinched and cast him a wounded expression.

“Okay, but I’m not fabricating a neutral accent,” Gansey called out, and the word fabricating made Adam irrationally upset. Did he need to casually throw that word out now? Gansey swallowed thickly, his gaze flickering away from Adam. He appeared hesitant to speak, and Adam hated that he was a thing that Gansey had to be cautious with.

“I don’t want to fight today. Could we just forget all of this and get s’mores?”

Adam nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They did just that, ate s’mores on the harbor and pretended like nothing was boiling under the surface.

***

The night before they were supposed to leave town, Adam was in the middle of chapter twenty, The Dementor’s Kiss, of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. He felt determined to finish the book tonight, so he could move on to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as soon as possible.

Adam now understood Henry’s shock when he admitted that he had never read a single book. The writing made him laugh out loud. At times, it made him misty eyed. It made him smile so hard until it hurt. It tore his heart out of his chest and left him to bleed. Behind the fantastical backdrop of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, there was something painfully real and human that lived in the spirits of the books.

There was a knock at the door. Adam crawled out of bed, carrying the Prisoner of Azkaban with him. When he opened the door, Gansey was standing in the frame. Adam’s eyes swept over his body. His normally styled hair was tousled and damp from the recent shower he had, and the t-shirt that he wore clung tightly around his torso, exposing the thick muscles of his arms. Adam wondered what would happen if he just dragged his fingers up Gansey’s arm. His hands clenched at his side before quickly releasing. Adam leaned against the doorframe.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in, make sure that you were comfortable with leaving at eight tomorrow,” said Gansey. The two of them were setting off early in the morning to find information concerning Glendower. Gansey had located some psychics who lived on the ley lines just a few hours outside of Washington. Gansey’s eyes drifted down to the book, dangling in Adam’s hand. “I hope I wasn’t disturbing you.”

“Oh no, I was reading. I just found out that Peter Pettigrew is the traitor, and Sirius is innocent.”

“I love Sirius! He’s my favorite character.” Gansey’s expression brightened. “Do you have a favorite character yet?”

“I like Harry a lot.”

Gansey didn’t say anything. He nodded and quietly studied the lines in Adam’s face. Adam continued. “I’m surprised to hear that Sirius is your favorite. I expected you to say Dumbledore.You’re both are old and eccentric. I thought you would bond over that.”

Gansey laughed and shook his head. “No, Sirius is cool with his long hair and his flying motorcycle.”

“So you’re telling me that you like the bad boy types?” Adam grinned, and Gansey mouth fell open as a scarlet blush crept into his cheeks. He recovered quickly.

“Not a fan of bad boys, are you?”

“Not really, I tend to like them super dorky and kind of obsessed with Welsh mythology.” The words just flew off his tongue without a second thought. His ears grew warm at the unexpected confession, and he reached up to scratch the back of his ear. He was certain Gansey liked him back, but the astonished expression on the other boy’s face caused Adam to second guess whether he had misinterpreted Gansey’s intentions.

“You’re…” Gansey started before he swallowed. “You’re attracted to me?”

“Did I make this awkward? I was getting the vibe that maybe you, uh, felt the same…but if I was wrong–”

“No, no. You weren’t…wrong.”

“Oh,” Adam said because he doesn’t know what else to say. He didn’t plan this far, and this was not the way he pictured confessing to Gansey.

The two stared at each other, at a standstill. Gansey acted first. His hands slid over Adam’s shoulders and down his chest, and his palms spread wide on Adam’s breastbone as he pressed Adam against the door. The book in Adam’s hand slipped and hit the floor with a soft thud, and Adam could hardly bring himself to care when the boy with the Hollywood smile and classic Anglo-Saxon face was so close and warm against him. Adam’s hand dragged up Gansey’s arm, feeling the strong muscle underneath, and he thanked God for the rowing team.

Adam’s eyes flickered to Gansey’s lips. “Are you sure–“

The warm press of Gansey’s mouth silenced him, and Adam’s other hand slid into Gansey’s hair, fingers curling around damp, dark locks. Their lips moved slowly and curiously against each other, and their mouths were like explorers on uncharted territory. As Gansey’s tongue work its way into his mouth, deepening the kiss, a gradual warmth flooded Adam’s stomach. His fingers gently pulled at Gansey’s hair, drawing soft moans from his mouth.

Gansey pulled away. Adam let his head fall back against the doorframe, and his hands fell to his side. For a while, the only noise he could hear was his own heavy breathing.

“It’s late,” Gansey announced. “I should probably get to bed.”

Adam’s eyes strayed to Gansey’s moist lips. “Probably,” He mumbled back in agreement. Gansey leaned up and caught a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Sleep well.” He turned to walk back to his bedroom, and Adam watched Gansey’s figure retreat until he couldn’t see him anymore. Adam doubted if he would sleep at all.

***

They were on the open road to find more information about Glendower and the ley lines the next morning. Adam was left wondering if last night actually happened or if he dreamed it all. Gansey didn’t bring up the kiss or attempt to kiss Adam again, even though Adam desperately wanted him to. Instead, they talked Glendower, or they listened to one of Gansey’s favorite podcasts. Myths and Legends, creating discussion after each episode by using the knowledge they had acquired from Professor Mallory’s class and previous history courses that they had taken. The only tiny reminders that Adam had of last night were the brief and smiling glances that Gansey would make in his direction when he thought Adam wasn’t looking.

Everything was great. Life was great. Gansey and he were great until…

Adam started to notice the very familiar scenery. At first, he had chalked it up to just the landscape of West Virginia, but the resemblance became too noticeable to ignore. Adam had biked up and down these roads many a days.

He sat up in his seat, suddenly alert. “Gansey?” he asked.

“Yes,” Gansey leaned over to turn the speaker down.

“I don’t recall you actually telling me where these psychics were located.”

“Oh, I didn’t?” Gansey frowned. “I must have been so fervid in looking for the ley lines and Glendower that I glossed over some key details. There is a ley line that runs through a small town called Henrietta. Ever heard of it?”

All of the good feelings from last night evaporated. The breakfast from earlier this morning threatened to come up, and his hands shook so awfully that he slipped them under his thighs and sat on them.

“Are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”

“No. I’m fine.” Adam managed to say as he reclined back in the chair, closing his eyes and breathing deeply through his nose and out his mouth. Just his luck that Glendower managed to be hiding out in his old hometown. He considered lying and telling Gansey that he was too sick to make the rest of the trip, but he thought about Gansey’s disappointed expression. He’d called up some important experts to get information about the Henrietta ley lines and driven all the way down here. If Adam lied, it would be all for naught, and he would be sabotaging valuable information for their presentation next month.

They rolled into the sleepy town of Henrietta. It was just like he remembered.

“This is a charming little town,” Gansey commented enthusiastically, watching the scenery whip by with awe. Everywhere Adam looked was a graveyard of memories that he thought he left behind. Finally, they arrived at a blue house on Fox Way. Adam had recognized it. He had biked past it a hundred times on his way into town, but never went in. Adam had heard of the psychics of 300 Fox way before. The topic made for a good laugh with friends when the psychics correctly predicted a run in with an old friend in Walmart or an anecdote when they foretold a disastrous event involving the number six. Adam would be amazed if he actually believed in magic, but these predictions were coincidences, something to forget about when real life got in the way.

They got out of the car and walked up to the door. Gansey lifted his hand to knock, but before his hand even touched the wood, the door swung open to reveal a disgruntled woman with brown skin standing in the doorway, her arms crossed.

“How did you know that we were already here?” Gansey asked with amazement.

“Your car is loud as shit. You can hear it from the next block over. I’m assuming you’re our afternoon appointment.” The woman said, and Gansey nodded before she let them inside. Two other women were waiting for them. Another psychic with dark hair greeted them.

“Could we get some names?” She asked.

“I’m Gansey, “ he pointed to himself before he gestured over his shoulder. “And this is my friend, Adam.”

The psychic who greeted them at the door snorted at this, though Adam didn’t understand what she found so funny.

“I’m Maura. These are my counterparts, Persephone and Calla.” Maura gestured to each one of them before ushering Adam and Gansey into a room that oddly had a hanging portrait of Steve Martin on the wall. Gansey took a moment to examine how out of place it was before they sat down in chairs.

He pulled out a tape recorder and laid it on the table. “Do you mind if I record our conversation? For research.”

“As long as you’re paying, I don’t care what you do,” the woman named Maura said. “Who would like to start first?”

Both boys looked at each other, deciding for a long time before the women name Persephone pushed the deck of tarot cards into Adam’s hands. She told him to shuffle them and get his “energy on the cards.” When he had finished, he handed the cards back to Persephone and watched her lay the cards out before him.

“Pick three.” Her voice was whimsical and soft. Adam did as he was instructed, and Persephone flipped the cards over in front of him. He didn’t know what any of it meant, but his eyes snagged on the card with a lot of swords stabbing into a heap of dirt. That didn’t look good. Persephone’s gaze followed his.

“Life has not been kind to you, Adam.”

Adam swallowed thickly but didn’t answer. He was painfully aware of Gansey’s keen gaze burning into the side of his face.

“You’ve experienced a deep trauma. That is what the ten of swords is telling me. You also have the judgment card next to it. So you have been given a second chance. Have you recently moved?” Persephone asked.

“Yeah, actually.” He cleared his throat. “I moved to Connecticut for college.”

“Good for you, Adam.”

“So, um, what is this card?” He pointed to the final one.

“The magician,” Persephone told him.

“And what does that mean?” Adam asked her, and she smiled at him.

“When you need something done, you call a magician. The possibilities are endless, but that is only if you can let go of fears. Magicians are also connected to healing. Now isn’t the time to throw yourself into your studies and neglect emotional confrontation.”

Adam nodded numbly. Maura took out her own set of cards for Gansey to shuffle. He went through the same routine as Adam. Maura placed Gansey’s cards before him.

“You have drawn the knight of wands, the tower, and the page of cups. The knight of wands usually represent embarking on a journey. You’re looking for something in particular?”

Gansey leaned forward in his chair in slight interest. “Yes, I am. For years actually.”

The presentation and research for Glendower had always been intense, but Adam suddenly realized that their research had very little to do with the presentation and getting published in an academic journal. Glendower wasn’t for the prestige and the honor, Glendower was Gansey’s life. Adam didn’t know why he was so desperate to find him, or why Gansey needed Glendower like he needed air to breathe. He wondered what would happen if Gansey found Glendower. Would he just die because there was nothing else to live for?

“Well, I suspect that there will be new developments. The page of cups usually signals new beginnings, but this could be in other aspects of life, not just your journey. Lastly, there is the tower. You should beware disaster is coming, possibly with the arrival of a stranger.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Adam said.

“I don’t care about that,” said Gansey frankly, which took all the psychics in the room back. Adam wanted to chide Gansey for being rude, but he kept talking. “That was interesting,” Gansey said it in a way one would say about a story someone told them that wasn’t actually interesting at all. “I was actually wondering if you could give me information about the ley lines in Henrietta.”

“The ley lines?” Maura looked at him strangely. Adam didn’t blame her. Gansey was a strange character. Stranger than the Steve Martin portrait they had hung on the wall.

“Yes, the ley lines.” Gansey went into a descriptive explanation of what the ley lines were, and his suspicion of where specifically the ley lines could be.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.” She said in a way that told Gansey and Adam that she definitely knew something about the ley lines and refused to help them.

“You can’t or won’t?” Gansey challenged.

“Gansey!” Adam said.

“You’re right. I won’t help you.”

“Well, that is quite alright then. Thank you for your services. My friend and I will be leaving. How much do we owe you for your time?”

Gansey paid the women, and the two boys walked out of 300 Fox Way.

“That’s was completely useless.’ Adam mumbled when they climbed into the car. He turned to Gansey in the driver’s seat of the Pig. His eyes were keen, and he looked alive more than ever.

“On the contrary, the psychics provided us with formative information. The ley lines are here, and something important must be on it if they are closely guarding it.”

“Or something dangerous.”

“Glendower is here. I just feel it.”

The Pig roared to life.

***

They managed the whole day in Henrietta without Adam running into anyone he knew. Granted, they spent most of the day in open fields and on the outskirts of forests with Gansey’s high tech gear looking for clues. They found nothing, but that didn’t derail Gansey who grew even more confident that they would find something the next time they drove down.

Adam didn’t know if there was going to be a next time with Gansey and him. He spent the entirety of his life trying to escape this hellhole. He never envisioned that he would return.

After a long day of hard work, note-recording, picture taking, and researching, they pulled up to a pizza joint that Adam instantly recognized as Nino’s. It was where the Aglionby boys would frequent after classes. Everyone in Henrietta knew that the Aglionby boys owned Nino’s. Adam hardly went to the restaurant. He couldn’t afford it most days.

The boys entered the restaurant and took a booth in the far corner. Adam’s knee bounced incessantly under the table, and he couldn’t help but glance up every time the doorbell rang, signaling an entrance or departure. Halfway into dinner, Gansey dropped his pizza back onto his plate and asked, “What is the matter with you? You’ve been acting strangely all day since we got here. I would even use the word jittery to describe your behavior.”

“Gansey,” Adam sighed, but he never got to finish the rest of his sentence.

“Y’all gotta be kiddin me! Is that Robert Parrish’s lil boy?” A woman’s voice called out from across the restaurant. Adam recognized the thick country accent. Gansey and Adam’s heads turned in sync. It was Ms. Jody, the woman who stayed in the trailer next to him. She was an unmarried woman with two sons, a few years younger than Adam. Sometimes she would let her mutt wander into the Parrish’s yard. His dad hated it, but Adam never minded because Buttercup kept him company.

“Oh. Hey, Jody.” Adam offered an uneasy smile and stood to let Ms. Jody pull him into a bone-crushing hug. All while, he could feel Gansey’s hot gaze on his back.

“Have you been home this entire time, Adam? ”

“Um, I’m just in town for the day,” Adam said uncomfortably. “What are you doing here?”

“I was pickin up dinner. I have to say that I’m surprised to see you. Your daddy been tellin the whole town that you turn your back on them and left for that big fancy school of yours. They haven’t heard from you since. I hope that ain’t true. Your parents are good hardworkin Christian folk, and you should never forget where you come from.”

Adam wanted to tell her that was a lie. His parents weren’t good people, and neither was she. How many days had she seen Adam sporting bruises on his face and quickly glanced away? She could have helped him, but she did nothing. The words wouldn’t come. His mouth felt rubber and boneless, and he could hardly tell her that he hadn’t been home. Ms. Jody gave him a long stare and shook her head as if it was a shame. As if he was the wrong one. The guilty one.

Her gaze followed Gansey, taking in his pristine appearance with a hint of suspicion and apprehension. It was the look that the people of Henrietta reserved for Aglionby boys. Gansey didn’t wait to be introduced. He stood and stretched out his hand.

“I’m Gansey, Adam’s–” He hesitated, and quickly glanced at Adam. “–friend. We study at Yale together. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jody. This is a charming little town that you have here.” He flashed her a dazzling smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but nevertheless, the effect worked just the same.

Ms. Jody remembered her manners and returned the handshake.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Gansey,” She said before releasing his hand. She turned her gaze back to Adam.

“I should go. The boys are waitin in the car, but come visit us at the trailer park sometime soon. Don’t be a stranger.” She said before leaving the restaurant.  

An uncomfortable silence lingered at their table. Adam stared forward, avoiding Gansey’s gaze. He swallowed as his chest constrict painfully. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t really happen. Ms. Jody didn’t just expose him as a fraud, as the white trailer trash he was.

“Adam.”

“We should go before it gets dark,” Adam said, as he pulled out his wallet and slapped money on the table with more force than he had meant to and left the restaurant. Gansey ran after him.

“Adam, wait!” He pulled on his coat sleeve, spinning him around until they were face to face in the Nino’s parking lot. Adam flinched away from him. “Could we at least talk about this? Why didn’t you just tell me? Did you think I would judge you for this?” Gansey gestured around.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Adam stuffed his hands into his pockets, avoiding Gansey’s stare.

“No. We’re not doing that anymore. What the hell is going on, Adam?” He demanded in his Richard Gansey the III voice, the one that commanded authority. Adam hated it.

“I don’t have to tell you anything because, you know what, Gansey? The world doesn’t revolve around you,” he seethed, quietly.

“I’m not trying to make this about me. I just want to understand. Obviously, something happened to the point that you don’t want to go home…” Gansey gently hedged the topic as if he was walking on glass.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just shut up!” Adam snapped, and Gansey stared at him with parted lips, stunned.

“Look at yourself. You’re like some cornered animal, scared and==”

“Stop! You don’t get to psychoanalyze me.” He sneered. “You’ve only known me for a few months. You don’t know me.”

“You’re right. I don’t know who the real Adam Parrish is because you don’t give anyone the chance. You just sweep your secrets under a rug and pray that no one looks underneath.” Gansey glanced down, and he swallowed thickly before he looked up at Adam with an uneasy expression. “Adam, were you ab– I mean…are your parents the reason why you can’t hear out of your left ear?” Gansey asked. It was finally out there, and though Gansey only asked about his ear, Adam knew that this was so much more than that.

“How do you know about that?” Adam had never told anyone about his left ear.

“You always walk on my left side, and you’ll turn your right ear towards someone if you can’t quite hear them. There were other things…” Gansey said quietly. Adam felt so exposed. He thought no one would know about the scars Robert Parrish left on him, but Adam had been wearing his scars for everyone to see this entire time.   

“You want to know who the real Adam Parrish is?” Adam asked in a careful and controlled voice. “Sure, what do you want to know about me?”

“Adam–”

“No, what do you want to know about? That I lived in a shitty trailer with no money? That my dad beat the living fuck out of me for eighteen years while my mother just stood around and let him? That, yes, my dad punched me so hard that I fell down the stairs and lost my hearing? That I have worked myself to death with three jobs on top of school to make sure that I got out of this stupid town with these stupid people! So there, now you know the real Adam Parrish, the freak show that was my life. We all can’t be as spit and polished as you are.”

“Adam–” Gansey looked horrified by Adam’s admission.

“Not everyone gets to grow up in fancy boarding schools, shaking hands with senators and sprouting out the most condescending and pretentious words known to mankind. And we’re definitely not all fortunate to go traipsing around the world because we have the time and money to waste chasing dead Welsh guys. Some of us work for a living because we have real problems. So congratulations, you won the fucking lottery!” Adam shouted. Gansey flinched at the scathing words.

“Is that what you really think of me?”

“Yes,” replied Adam.

Gansey didn’t say anything else. They stood in an unnatural silence, and Gansey looked at him with a soft and wounded expression as if Adam was a sheet of glass threatening to shatter everywhere. Adam’s body shook with rage. He wanted to scream and hit something until his voice was sore and his knuckles were bruised and bloodied. If there was anything Adam hated more than that authoritative voice, it was that soft and pitying look that Gansey cast him.

“You don’t get to look at me like that, like I’m a thing to be pitied. I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want your damn pity.”

“I wouldn’t have to look at you that way if you didn’t act so pathetic.” Gansey snapped, and the words struck Adam down in the chest. Gansey’s eyes went wide, and he cupped his hands over his mouth as he realized that what he said had crossed the line. “Wait, Adam–”

Adam gaped openly at him for a moment before storming out of Nino’s parking lot. Gansey jogged after him, calling his name. Adam didn’t stop or look back to see if Gansey was there long after he stopped calling after him. He didn’t know if he could trust himself not to swing out and hit something. Adam distracted himself with theories of natural law and Latin legal maxims until he couldn’t feel his anger anymore, just shame. A few minutes later, Adam heard the roar of the Pig pulling up next to him. Gansey rolled down the passenger window and called out to him.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey yelled over the Pig’s engine. Adam kept walking. “Come on Adam, I’m not leaving you here. Where do you have to go? Please… just get in the car. You don’t have to talk to me after this ever, but let me take you back to Washington.” Adam stopped, and the Pig slowed to a stop next to him.

They didn’t speak a single word on the way back to Washington DC.

***

The past two days in the Gansey household had been unbearable. Despite the Gansey’s gracious hospitality, Adam found being in the house suffocating while Gansey and he were still fighting. He spent most of the time out in the city at museums and parks. When he wasn’t exploring, he read the Goblet of Fire. He was in the middle of the novel one night when his phone buzzed next to him. It was a tiny, ancient thing but it got the work done.

“Hello?”

“Parrish, ole buddy, ole pal!”

“Henry?” Adam asked.

“The one and only,” Henry replied, and Adam could hear the smile in his voice. “So how are the holidays with the Gansey’s? I’m bored out of my mind here! Have you guys accidentally conveniently shared a bed together yet?”

“What?”

“You know how in every fanfiction where two guys go out of town together, they conveniently end up sharing a bed together.”

“I don’t read fanfiction…”

“That’s a shame. We’re going to have to do something about that when you get back. Me? I’m a big Drarry lover. I was thinking when my sweet blonde lover and I finally get together, we could dress up as Drarry for Halloween and go make out on the steps of one of these old Hogwarts looking buildings on campus.”

“Drarry?” Adam asked. “Is that suppose to be Harry and Draco?”

“Yes, and It’s the best love story known to mankind after mine.”

“You don’t even know this guy’s name. You’ve barely talked to him. He’s just some guy who skates everywhere around campus. He could be a ghost for all we know.”

“Well, you are wrong about one thing, Adam Parrish. With all the free time on my hands, I was able to find him on Facebook. I had to go through all the members of our class Facebook page, but I found him. Noah Czerny.”  

“I’m impressed,” Adam said because it was the truth. Henry had the patience to carefully comb through thousands of Facebook profiles.

“Damn right, but that was like the second day of break. Gansey hardly responded to my text about it.” At the mention of Gansey, Adam abruptly remembered that the two were roommates and close friends. Henry never called Adam on his phone. He mostly texted.

“Why are you calling?” Adam asked suspiciously.

“I told you I was bored.”

“It’s been two weeks into the break and you’re calling now?”

“Okay you got me,” said Henry. “I’ve been busy playing the three of us on Sims 4. We share an apartment together. Gansey got probed by an alien, so the two of you are raising Gansey’s bastard child, but you’re quite happy together–”

“What did Gansey tell you?” Adam asked aggressively. “He put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“Woah, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Did something happen? Did you two get into a fight or something?” Henry’s airy tone evaporated quickly, and Adam realized by the sudden shift that Henry hadn’t called on Gansey’s behalf. He felt stupid all of the sudden. Adam sighed into the phone.

“I screwed everything up.” That was what Adam did. He ruined things, taking all that was good and pure and making it ugly. He thought of Gansey’s broken expression. Adam had done that because he couldn’t control this malignant compulsion inside of him that clawed and scratched and bit at everything that showed him a hint of kindness. He didn’t deserve for good things to happen to him like Yale and Henry and Gansey.

Adam told Henry about two days ago. The drive to Henrietta, the psychic visit, Nino’s, the argument in the parking lot, and the ugly things he said to Gansey. He left out most of the details about his personal life. He didn’t think that he was strong enough to tell Henry any of that.

“Jesus,” Henry swore into the phone.

“You probably think I’m the worst person.”

The line went silent for a very long time, and for a moment, Adam’s worst fears were confirmed.

“Have you ever been kidnapped?”

Henry’s voice was oddly light for the question. Overall, it was a strange question for Henry to spring up at the moment.

“No,” he said.

Another long silence followed before, “I was kidnapped once. I was ten.”

“Shit Henry. That’s…” Adam didn’t have the words. What words could he say to something like that without sounding cheap? “Awful.”

“Don’t feel too sorry for me, Parrish. They brought me back, didn’t they?” To Adam’s horror, Henry even laughed at his own joke

“I was locked in a dark hole for days with no human contact. I screamed myself sore. At the time my parents were in two different countries, so getting a hold of them wasn’t easy.”

“How did your parents find you?” Adam asked quietly.

“Oh, the kidnapper made me record a video for my mom, detailing all the things they were going to do to me if she didn’t pay the ransom. My mom is a badass though, told them that she didn’t pay for damaged goods and hung up in their face. They struck a decent deal and came to an agreement. I came back mostly unscathed.” By the end of that, Henry sounded winded. Adam couldn’t see his face, but he knew that whatever expression he wore, it contradicted the airiness of his voice. Adam closed his eyes shut and squeezed the phone in his hand.

“How are you so casual about this?”

“I’ve had years to process this Adam. I am claustrophobic because of…you know, well, I use to be. It’s gotten better. It gets better with time.” Henry said.

“Why are telling me this?”

“Because we’re haunted people, Adam. Everyone is carrying some kind of trauma on them, but we don’t have to let that trauma define us. You get to do that for yourself. Look at yourself and everything you have accomplished. You made it to Yale all on your own on a full tuition. You’re an ace student. And you’re a big fancy hot shot that everyone wants to bone. So cut yourself a break.”

“I’m not a hot shot,” Adam mumbled into the phone.

“Parrish, where the fuck have you been? Everywhere we go, the girls drool over you. The boys too. Please tell me you’ve noticed how much your roommate wants to bone that sweet body of yours, right?”

“Tad?” Adam asked disbelievingly and opened his eyes. “He’s straight.”

“Sure Jan.” Henry snorted into the phone. For the first time in several days, Adam laughed.

The line went silent again, and Adam debated with himself in the silence. His stomach rolled unpleasantly at what he was about to do. He had to say the words. If he could say the words, maybe they wouldn’t feel like a heavy weight dragging around his feet.

“Henry.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t hear out of my left ear.”

“Yeah, I know, Adam,” said Henry softly.

“My dad did that. I was–” Adam swallowed and despite the fact that his tongue felt like lead, he forced himself to say the words.“I was physically abused for eighteen years.”

It was the first time he had ever spoken the words.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah.”

***

“Wow Adam, you clean up well.” Helen whistled as she passed him in the hallway, her eyes raking across his body. Adam’s face grew warm under her compliment. Helen was a beautiful woman, her smile just as charming and her eyes just as keen as her brother’s. It must be a trait passed down from generation to generation.

“Thank you.” He accepted her compliment. “Do you know if Gansey is in his room?”

“I’m assuming that he’s still there. I haven’t seen him roaming the halls yet,” Helen said. She took a few steps down the hall before she paused and turned back towards Adam. “Find me during the party. Maybe we can share a drink together?”

Adam almost told her that he didn’t drink, but it felt rude to refuse her. She never said that it had to be an alcoholic drink, and he was sure that there would be non-alcoholic beverages downstairs.

“Sure thing.”

Helen’s lips curled into a sharp smile before she strutted down the hall. He went his separate way. Adam stood outside Gansey’s door for a while, debating whether to knock. It had been three days now, and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Things needed to stop, and if that meant that Adam needed to swallow his pride and apologize first, then he would do that.

Adam knocked hesitantly on the door before he heard a muffled, “Come in,” from the other side. Adam twisted the knob and let himself in.

Gansey stood in front of a full-length mirror, working on his tie. When his eyes caught Adam’s in the mirror, the fabric slipped from his fingers. They stood there just watching the other, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Finally, Gansey cleared his throat.

“Come in and sit. You can close the door.” He motioned to Adam before he resumed tying his tie in the mirror. Adam closed the door before he took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched Gansey in the mirror.

He looked good in his tailored navy suit. The jacket wrapped snug around the muscles of his arms. The crisp sky blue button-down that he wore brought out the hazel in his eyes. His tie matched his suit, and his shoes were a nice black oxford. He looked like a model straight out of those magazines with the men and their the big gleaming watches. Before Adam could calculate how much that entire outfit must cost, he shut down the thought in favor of just admiring Gansey in the mirror. Their eyes met again, neither sure of how to proceed from here.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey said first before Adam could get the words out. “I shouldn’t have called you pathetic. I wanted to say that the moment you got in the car, but I didn’t think you would want to talk to me. You’re not pathetic. I mean, you’re a survivor of abuse and that makes you one of the strongest people that I know, to endure something like that for so long.” Gansey turned to look at Adam. “You’re not just strong. You’re ambitious and you’re hardworking and you’re so clever and witty. And you make me laugh all the time. After everything that you’ve been through, you can still laugh at things.”

Adam decided to take Henry’s advice and cut himself a break. Despite his many flaws, and Adam had a lot, Gansey thought he was intelligent and clever and witty and hardworking and strong. It warmed Adam all over that Gansey saw those things when he looked at him.

“I’m sorry too,” Adam said. “I said some awful things to you. It was insensitive to think that you don’t suffer from real issues…because you have money. I was embarrassed, and I took out my frustrations on you…which wasn’t fair. Not to mention that I said searching for Glendower was a waste of time, so I guess we have to find him now so I can apologize to him too.”

This made Gansey laugh before he moved towards the bed and sat on Adam’s right side. They sat in a calm silence before a question came to Adam.

“You’ve never told me why you’re looking for Glendower. I always assumed that you were going to ask him for a wish, but why Glendower?”

“You don’t know this about me, but I have a severe allergy to wasps. One sting and I could die.”

Adam swore under his breath, but Gansey continued.

“Years ago, I accidentally step on a wasp nest out in the woods–” As Gansey told the story, his breath hitched and grew uneven as he recalled the memory. “They were too many to count, and honestly, I should be dead, but when I was laying on the ground, I swore I heard a voice, and it told me that I would live because of Glendower.” Gansey paused, and the room fell into a hushed silence. Adam didn’t know how to process the story. The skeptic part of him would chalk this up to delirium from being stung by hundreds of bees. The other part of him–the part infected with Gansey’s eccentric enthusiasm–wondered if maybe magic did exist out there in this chaos of life.That maybe there were more important things in life than wealth and status…

“Glendower saved my life, Adam. So that means I have to find him, right? That’s why I’m here. To find him.”

“What happens when you find Glendower?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s something we’ll have to find out when we get there. That is… if you still want to continue this beyond the comparative mythology conference.”

Glendower meant returning to Henrietta.

“I want to find Glendower,” Adam said quietly. “I also left Henrietta for a reason because… I’m afraid of being stuck, tethered to this awful place and can’t escape.”

“I don’t know if you realized this, but you left Henrietta twice, without hardly looking back. That means that you can keep leaving. You could go anywhere, do whatever you want. You’re the–what did Persephone say?” Gansey took a moment to think about it, but Adam instantly recalled the word.

“The magician.”

“Yeah, Like Glendower.” Gansey smiled, the lines on his face grew soft. “That means the possibilities are endless for you.”

He reached out and grazed the shell of Adam’s deaf ear with gentle fingers. Adam closed his eyes, and something in the kind gesture made his breath hitch and his stomach flop and his face blush and his insides go to jelly. When Adam finally opened his eyes, Gansey was staring back at him. Their lips were so close, and Gansey cupped Adam’s face in his hands before his lips curled into a nervous smile. Adam watched as he leaned in, but instead of kissing Adam’s lips, he kissed the shell of his ear, feathery soft. Then he kissed under his earlobe. And then he kissed his neck. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed, and then Gansey lips were everywhere, his chin, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, the freckles sprawled across his cheeks. Gansey lips were warm. They were tender. They seeped into Adam’s skin and whispered words of wonderment and worship and want.

Overwhelmed and choked on emotions, Adam could stand no more of it. He grabbed the front of Gansey’s suit jacket and crushed their mouths together. Gansey’s mouth fell open on his, and he made a soft murmur of approval in the back of his throat as Adam kissed him ardently, ravenously as if Gansey was the last drop of water in the desert.

They pulled apart, both flushed in the face and panting. Gansey looked a lot less like those older models posing on those magazines and a little more like a teen boy his age should. Gansey stood to go look at himself in the mirror and smoothed out his suit jacket. He turned back to Adam. “Your tie is crooked.”

He walked over to fix Adam’s red tie. When he was finished, his hands lingered. Adam could feel his heart racing in his chest.

A sharp knock sounded at the door that made the boys jump apart.

“Hey Dick,” said Helen. “Mom needs you downstairs soon. So hurry up!” They could hear her footsteps fading down the hall.

“I guess we should go downstairs,” Adam said, standing. “Do you maybe want to talk later?” Adam asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “About this…” He gestured between them.

“God yes!” Gansey said eagerly before clearing his throat and composing himself. “I mean, yeah. Maybe after the party… if you’re not too tired.”

Adam smiled. “You do realize that it’s New Year’s Eve? The earliest anyone will be leaving this party is one.”

“You’re right. Then let me take you for coffee at Kramerbooks in the morning… for a first date?” Gansey suggested.

“And we’ll talk?”

“And maybe do a little more than talking.” Gansey’s hand slid down the front of his tie.

“You mean purchase books and find a nice corner to read in for a few hours?”

“Yes Adam, that’s exactly what I mean.”

***

The last of their audience members filed out of the presentation room, chattering eagerly among themselves. Henry turned to them, grinning broadly before he pulled both Adam and Gansey in for hugs.

“Congratulation!” Henry said as he pulled back. “The old lady on the front row left with a bigger boner for Glendower than Dick III over here.”

“Henry, You can’t just say the word–” Gansey gave a cautious look around before he whispered. “–boner in public.”

Henry laughed along with Adam.

“Adam please tell your very ancient boyfriend that it’s not the fifties anymore. The cops are going to arrest you if you say penis out loud.”

Adam shrugged at Gansey as if to say what can you do about it, and Gansey shook his head disapprovingly. Adam grinned. He was dating an old grandpa.

“Why must everything be about penises with you Henry?” Gansey asked.

“If Shakespeare made a living telling dick jokes, so can I. ”

“He has a point,” Adam said, and Gansey turned to him.

“Are you just going to be Henry’s amen corner all day?”

“You’re just jealous of the profound connection Adam and I have. Sure, I’m not sticking my tongue down Adam’s throat like you are, but it’s still a strong connection.” Henry said, and to that, Gansey choked on air while heat and color gradually spread over Adam’s ears, neck, and face.

“Henry, please stop talking,” Gansey quickly distracted himself with the conference itinerary book. His book was tabbed and color-coded with notes in the margins. Months ago, Adam would have found the behavior obnoxious, but now it had grown on him to be endearing and so painfully Gansey.

The three of them started to make their way out of the presentation room, wandering without a destination.

“There is a presentation on metaphors and mythical languages that start in fifteen  minutes.” Gansey looked up at Henry and Adam hopefully.

“We should go,” Adam said.

“Sure, but I’m taking a long nap after this.” Henry yawned. “This eight am is kicking my ass this semester. Who thought it was a good idea to take political science at eight in the morning?”

“That was your idea, Henry. It was the only class all three of us could take together.” Gansey replied.

“You’re an insomniac, and Adam thrives off of exhaustion. Eight o'clock in the morning looks well on you guys. This–“ Henry gestured to himself. “–takes a lot of time and hair gel.”

“You do look like a baby mandrake first thing in the morning,” Adam smirked. Henry’s jaw fell open, and Gansey failed horribly at stifling a laugh.

Henry composed himself, narrowing his eyes at Adam. “I made you, and I can destroy you. I’ll spoil The Deathly Hallows for you, I swear.”

“You will no such thing!” Gansey gasped, horrified.

“That would be a real dick move. I was going to start tonight, now that I have some free time.”

“From Glendower?” Henry snorted, turning to face Adam as they walked up the stairs.  “You’re apart of the cult now. Trust me, there is no escaping Glendower–”

Before Adam could warn Henry to watch out, he walked directly into another person. Henry stumbled on the stairs, and the stranger grabbed him by the arms and pulled Henry up straight.

“Sorry! I should have been paying attention.” The strange boy said. He had skin the color of fresh milk, mischievous blues eyes, and blonde hair that had been combed back. Henry stared at him as if he saw an apparition, and his mouth hung open for an embarrassingly long time. When Henry didn’t respond at all, the boy grew distressed, inching backward. “Again, sorry.” He awkwardly shuffled around them before continuing down the stairs.

It didn’t take Adam long to piece together what happened.

“So that’s him, huh?” Adam asked.

“That’s…the love of my life. I’m going to marry that boy.” Henry said.

“You have nice taste. I approve,” said Gansey.

Adam turned to his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. “Should I be concerned?”

Gansey smiled. “Let’s be honest. Out of the two of us, I should be worried. Who else is going to debate with me over whether Shakespeare or Marlow is the better playwright?”

“Definitely Marlow.” Both Henry and Adam said at the same time.

“See, that is where you’re incorrect…” Gansey launched into his tirade as the trio climbed up the stairs together. They argued passionately back and forth on their way to the next presentation.

Months ago, Adam would have been horrified by his pretentious behavior. But today, he didn’t mind how nerdy or pretentious the three of them were together because he was finally learning what it meant to be comfortable in his own skin, flaws and all. Gansey’s affection or Henry’s kindness didn’t magically heal him because some days his trauma popped up unexpectedly like a game of whack-a-mole. But instead of beating it down in the ground for no one to see, Gansey and Henry’s friendship taught him how to carry his sorrow with him just like he carried his joy and his laughter and his few good memories. Some days, the load was heavier to bear than others. Today, however, Adam couldn’t ever remember feeling so free.

[cybercrew]

Old software makes new electoral systems ripe for hacking

Pennsylvania's message was clear: The state was taking a big step to keep its elections from being hacked in 2020. Last April, its top election official told counties they had to update their systems. So far, nearly 60% have taken action, with $14.15 million of mostly federal funds helping counties buy brand-new electoral systems.

But there's a problem: Many of these new systems still run on old software that will soon be outdated and more vulnerable to hackers.

Associated Press analysis has found that like many counties in Pennsylvania, the vast majority of 10,000 election jurisdictions nationwide use Windows 7 or an older operating system to create ballots, program voting machines, tally votes and report counts.

WATCH RELATED VIDEO 👨‍💻😎

  That's significant because Windows 7 reaches its "end of life" on Jan. 14, meaning Microsoft stops providing technical support and producing "patches" to fix software vulnerabilities, which hackers can exploit. In a statement to the AP, Microsoft said Friday it would offer continued Windows 7 security updates for a fee through 2023.

Critics say the situation is an example of what happens when private companies ultimately determine the security level of election systems with a lack of federal requirements or oversight. Vendors say they have been making consistent improvements in election systems. And many state officials say they are wary of federal involvement in state and local elections.

It's unclear whether the often hefty expense of security updates would be paid by vendors operating on razor-thin profit margins or cash-strapped jurisdictions. It's also uncertain if a version running on Windows 10, which has more security features, can be certified and rolled out in time for primaries.

"That's a very serious concern," said J. Alex Halderman, a University of Michigan professor and renowned election security expert. He said the country risks repeating "mistakes that we made over the last decade or decade-and-a-half when states bought voting machines but didn't keep the software up-to-date and didn't have any serious provisions" for doing so.

The AP surveyed all 50 states, the District of Columbia and territories, and found multiple battleground states affected by the end of Windows 7 support, including Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Florida, Iowa, Indiana, Arizona and North Carolina. Also affected are Michigan, which recently acquired a new system, and Georgia, which will announce its new system soon.

"Is this a bad joke?" said Marilyn Marks, executive director of the Coalition for Good Governance, an election integrity advocacy organization, upon learning about the Windows 7 issue. Her group sued Georgia to get it to ditch its paperless voting machines and adopt a more secure system. Georgia recently piloted a system running on Windows 7 that was praised by state officials.

If Georgia selects a system that runs on Windows 7, Marks said, her group will go to court to block the purchase. State elections spokeswoman Tess Hammock declined to comment because Georgia hasn't officially selected a vendor.

The election technology industry is dominated by three titans : Omaha, Nebraska-based Election Systems and Software LLC; Denver, Colorado-based Dominion Voting Systems Inc.; and Austin, Texas-based Hart InterCivic Inc. They make up about 92% of election systems used nationwide, according to a 2017 study . All three have worked to win over states newly infused with federal funds and eager for an update.

U.S. officials determined that Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election and have warned that Russia, China and other nations are trying to influence the 2020 elections.

Of the three companies, only Dominion's newer systems aren't touched by upcoming Windows software issues — though it has election systems acquired from no-longer-existing companies that may run on even older operating systems.

Hart's system runs on a Windows version that reaches its end of life on Oct. 13, 2020, weeks before the election.

ES&S said it expects by the fall to be able to offer customers an election system running on Microsoft's current operating system, Windows 10. It's now being tested by a federally accredited lab.

For jurisdictions that have already purchased systems running on Windows 7, ES&S said it will be working with Microsoft to provide support until jurisdictions can update. Windows 10 came out in 2015.

Microsoft usually releases patches for operating systems monthly, so hackers have learned to target older, unsupported systems. Its systems have been ground zero for crippling cyberattacks, including the WannaCry ransomware attack, which froze systems in 200,000 computers across 150 countries in 2017.

For many people, the end of Microsoft 7 support means simply updating. However, for election systems the process is more onerous. ES&S and Hart don't have federally certified systems on Windows 10, and the road to certification is long and costly, often taking at least a year and costing six figures.

ES&S, the nation's largest vendor, completed its latest certification four months ago, using Windows 7. Hart's last certification was May 29 on a Windows version that also won't be supported by November 2020.

Though ES&S is testing a new system it's unclear how long it will take to complete the process — federal and possible state recertification, plus rolling out updates — and if it will be done before primaries begin in February.

Election administrators notoriously suffer from insufficient resources. Recently, many jurisdictions splurged on new election systems, some using their portion of $380 million in federal funds provided to states.

Counties in South Dakota, South Carolina and Delaware all recently bought election systems, while many others are evaluating purchases.

The use of election systems that still run on Windows 7 "is of concern, and it should be of concern," said U.S. Election Assistance Commission Chair Christy McCormick. EAC develops election system guidelines.

McCormick noted that while election systems aren't supposed to be connected to the internet, various stages of the election process require transfers of information, which could be points of vulnerability for attackers. She said some election administrators are working to address the problem.

Officials in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Arizona say they have discussed the software issue with their vendors. Other states mentioned in this story didn't respond to AP requests for comment.

Pennsylvania elections spokeswoman Wanda Murren said contract language allows such a software upgrade for free. Arizona elections spokeswoman C. Murphy Hebert said ES&S has also assured the state that it will provide support to counties for an upgrade.

Susan Greenhalgh, policy director for the advocacy group National Election Defense Coalition, said even the best scenario has election administrators preparing for primaries while trying to upgrade their systems, which is "crazy." Her group shared its concerns about Windows 7 with AP.

Certification, which is voluntary at the federal level but sometimes required by state laws, ensures vendor software runs properly on operating systems they're tested on. But there is no cybersecurity check and the process often fails to keep up with rapidly changing technology.

Kevin Skoglund, chief technologist for Citizens for Better Elections, said county election officials point to EAC and state certifications as "rock-solid proof" their systems are secure, but don't realize vendors are certifying systems under 2005 standards.

Local officials rely on vendors to build secure systems and EAC and the states to enforce high standards, Skoglund said.

After the AP began making inquiries, Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., wrote McCormick asking what EAC, which has no regulatory power, is doing to address a "looming election cybersecurity crisis" that essentially lays the "red carpet" out to hackers.

"Congress must pass legislation giving the federal government the authority to mandate basic cybersecurity for election infrastructure," Wyden told the AP in a statement.

source code: ABC News 

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~R@@T @CCE$$~

[moiraineswife]

Time To Begin - An Elucien Fic

for @wintercovrt who prompted me for angst and probably got a little less than they bargained for but I tried, it’s hard hurting my flower babies :( Same deal for the rest of the things I’ve posted these past few days, splurge written with no planning/editing because I just need to write. Properly formatted here because it’s Long Enough and I have Issues. Thanks, I hope you like this!!! 

( Sort of stealing from @valamerys​ and the sad fake dating thing of which we do not speak. This one is nicer though Claire >:( take notes.) 

Title: Time To Begin 

Summary: Prompt:  “Isn’t it time we both stopped pretending we make each other happy?” Elain and Lucien have been pretending to be falling in love with each other to keep him safe while he stays with the Night Court. Elain’s announcement over breakfast that she wants to stop this shatters him. 

Teaser: ‘Besides, he had consoled himself, having Elain take his arm and show him around the House of Wind and eat breakfast with him is probably a far nicer way to force his secrets out of him than finding himself on the other end of the shadowsinger’s dagger.

 He had been wrong. So wrong. Those words, the fact that she can’t even stand to pretend that he makes her happy any longer, stings far worse than anything the Night Court’s terrifying spymaster might have done to him in trying to discover his secrets.’ 

Link: AO3 

“Isn’t it time we both stopped pretending we make each other happy?”

 Elain’s voice is soft when it reaches him across the small table they’re quietly eating breakfast at. The words are so sudden, such an unexpected, stinging way to interrupt the peaceful quiet between them that Lucien finds his fork slipping from numb fingers, clattering to the table. 

She looks up at the same time he does, meeting his eyes, wide and shocked while hers are oddly composed. There’s a strength in her, a strength no-one else can see, as she shatters him with quiet, graceful ease. 

He should have known it wouldn’t last. He couldn’t even have her, his mate, in a false dream, never mind reality. Lucien had arrived at the Night Court some months back. 

Elain had come to him on one of his first evenings here, slipping into the room that was very nicely furnished but had felt entirely too much like a cell. She had sat on the bed beside him and nervously told him of the horrors this court could unleash upon him. 

She told him that she could feel the bond between them, that she had felt what had happened to him in Spring and didn’t want him to endure any more here. Her big brown eyes had met his as she told him quietly that she had a plan. She’s Feyre’s sister, that gives her some little sway here, enough to protect him, her mate, if they pretend that they’re together, pretend he’s hers. They won’t hurt him then. 

Her part had been played so well, the girl is a natural at this, manipulation and deceit. He would have been proud of her, had she not been using it on him. Cauldron, he was probably proud of her anyway. The way she had anxiously gripped the blanket between her nervous hands, how her lip had trembled when she had talked about how dangerous some people in this court were, how she her voice had seemed to break when she told him that she’d felt his pain, couldn’t bare for him to go through any more. 

Lucien had almost found himself believing her. For half a heartbeat, he had almost believed that she cared. 

But then reason had kicked in. She had been in this court for months, listening to their lies, and their truths, about him. They’d probably told her he was a selfish coward, that he had propped Tamlin up for years, that he had helped him destroy Feyre piece by piece by piece. They were right. He’s an enemy here, they want him kept close, want to milk him for information and there’s no-one better for that than this woman. 

Even knowing it was a trap, even knowing that she was lying to his face with that sweet, guileless smile...He hadn’t been able to say no to her. He should have, Mother damn him he should have. He’s tired of being used, of being played with, of being someone else’s collateral damage in their great plans for this world but...This might be all she ever gives him. This beautiful little fantasy might be the only time he ever gets to spend with his mate. He can’t turn it away. Even if not of it is real. 

Besides, he had consoled himself, having Elain take his arm and show him around the House of Wind and eat breakfast with him is probably a far nicer way to force his secrets out of him than finding himself on the other end of the shadowsinger’s dagger. 

He had been wrong. So wrong. Those words, the fact that she can’t even stand to pretend that he makes her happy any longer, stings far worse than anything the Night Court’s terrifying spymaster might have done to him in trying to discover his secrets. 

Forcing a composure that he doesn’t feel, centuries worth of training and instincts kicking in to allow him that one small shred of dignity, Lucien makes himself meet her eyes. She’s watching him steadily, biting her lip, as though afraid of how he might react, that he might get angry. Any trace of anger that might have been left in him floods away at that sight. 

He wants to hold her hand. It’s sitting on the table only a few inches from his own, he wants to hold her, reassure her that he will never hurt her, no matter what she’s done to him. But it feels too forward, too desperate, and he doesn’t want to give her the wrong impression here. 

Instead he forcibly clasps his hands in his own lap, keeping himself restrained, away from her. He’s impressed, and slightly saddened because how many times has he had to do this in his life? by how steady his voice is when he answers her, “Of course, Elain.” She blinks, seeming startled, as though this wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting from him at all, “If that’s what you think is best, we don’t have to continue this any longer.” 

He wants to say more, wants to reassure her she doesn’t have to pretend for the sake of his safety, that he’ll be quite alright, but he can’t bear to remain at the table a second longer. Rising stiffly, he starts to walk for the door, hating that he has to walk directly behind her chair in order to do so. 

Elain’s hand darts out, gripping his forearm and stopping him. He looks down at her and he can’t help the way his heart melts when he looks into her eyes, so full of concern and worry that seems so...genuine. That’s been the problem with her. Everything they’ve done has felt so real, he had almost started to delude himself that she liked this, liked him, that it had become more than just a game to her, as it had to him. 

Stupid, stupid stupid, stupid, stupid. He should never have let her get under his skin like this, should never have allowed her this level of control over him. When will he learn? When will he ever stop doing this? When- 

“Lucien,” Elain whispers, her voice trembling, “Lucien, please, please don’t leave, please, I, oh, oh no-” She drops his arm, burying her face in her hands and Lucien is too shocked to move, even if he’d wanted to. 

“Elain?” he croaks questioningly, unable to stop himself when her silence stretches longer than a minute. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers at last, lifting her face to look at him with shining eyes. Cauldron it’s not fair, not fair how somehow, still, even with everything he knows, with her rejecting even pretending to be with him, he still feels as though she cares for him when she looks at him like that. 

He can’t stand her apology, won’t stand her apology, and shakes his head, cutting her off as she goes to speak again. “It’s quite alright, dove,” he breathes, the soft pet name slipping out without thought before he can stop it. “You don’t have anything to apologise for. I understand. This, this must have been very difficult for you, if you can’t do it any more I...I appreciate what you have done for me, I-” 

Why is he thanking her for manipulating him the way she has? Why is he praising her for pretending that she cares? Why is he so understanding of her not being able to do this any more? Perhaps because these last few months have been better than anything else that’s happened in centuries. Even if it was all a lie, even if none of it was ever real...At least she made him feel like it could be. At least she made him feel like he might be loved, cared for, in another life, if things had turned out differently. At least she had tried to love him. 

“Stop!” The word snaps out of her, making him start in surprise at the strength and vehemence behind it. The gentleness returns to her a moment later, inevitable as a quiet tide sweeping into a bay, “Lucien please, please look at me.” He does so, unable to refuse this woman anything. 

Pushing her chair back Elain gets to her feet. It doesn’t make all that much difference, really, she still stands almost a foot shorter than him, delicate and graceful, like the plants she so loves to tend. They had walked through the gardens last week and she had told him all about the plants there. She had learned each and every one of their names and had babbled excitedly about how wonderful they were, how she had never seen anything like them before. All he’d been able to think was how much she would have loved Spring, had it not been poisoned by the corruption festering at its heart. He would have liked to have shown her that. Would have liked to take her riding, to along all of his favourite trails, to the secret, quiet spots he had never shown anyone before. 

His thoughts cut off abruptly when she reaches up, cupping his cheek in her hand, stroking with the thumb. The contact shocks through him like a bolt of lightning and he can only blink down at her. “I’ve made such a mess of this,” she whispers quietly. He opens his mouth to gently interrupt her but she glowers at him, actually going as far as to stamp her foot on the rich marble tiles beneath them, “No,” she growls out, “Just, just listen.” 

He falls silent, nodding his assent, and she takes a deep breath. “Lucien,” she breathes, sadness evident in those beautiful, liquid brown eyes. “Lucien I didn’t mean, I, oh-” She looks troubled, “I didn’t mean I wanted to stop this,” she says, gesturing around at the quaint little breakfast they’ve been having, meaning to imply the entirety of this little fable they’ve created together. “Well, I do,” she corrects herself, frowning slightly as she tries to sort through her muddled thoughts, “But not, not like that, not.” 

“What are you trying to say, dove?” he prompts as she returns to anxiously biting her lip, his mouth going dry as he studies her. 

“I thought...I thought it was time we stopped pretending that we make each other happy, Lucien and...And started admitting that we do,” she says, a soft flush of colour flooding her cheeks at the words. “I thought you would understand,” she goes on, sounding distressed now, “I thought you would know what I was trying to say, I thought you felt that too but-” A new thought seems to strike her and she looks up at him, unable to disguise the pain in her eyes, “Do you, do you not feel happy with me? Did I get it wrong? Are you only pretending? Can you be that good at pretending, I thought, I, oh-” 

“Elain,” he rasps, silencing her as she breaks down and starts babbling utterly incoherently, “Elain.” He raises a shaking hand, touching her at last, brushing her hair behind her ear then cupping her face in his hand, lifting it up to coax her to look at him. “You weren’t wrong,” he murmurs, “You do make me happy, dove, happier than I thought I could be again.” How does she do this to him? Pull these truths he should have learned to guard better from him as though they’re nothing, idle scraps of information with no real importance. “But I thought...None of this is real, Elain,” he murmurs, gesturing around them. 

“I know,” she whispers then frowns in that endearing little way of hers, shaking her head. “I know it wasn’t supposed to be,” she amends, “I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for you, it was supposed to be easy, it wasn’t supposed to hurt like this, I-” 

Angry tears form in her eyes and Lucien can’t stop himself from reaching up to brush them gently away. She sniffs, smiling at him in thanks, then manages to keep going, “I knew you were my mate, of course,” she whispers, “But I didn’t really know what that meant. Not until you came here and we started spending time together. I don’t know if it’s the bond but..I think...I don’t think that it is, Lucien, I think it’s just you.” She bites on her lip, blushing again as she whispers softly, “You make me happy.” 

The words are so simple, lacking the refined, courtly elegance he was raised to, but they’re all the more meaningful for that. Real, this girl is so real, so genuine with all of her smiles, all of her lightness and her laughter and her infectious joy. How he ever ended up mated to someone like this, when more and more it seems as though his purpose in this life is to suck the light out of it, leaving all in darkness. 

Clearing his throat he manages to rasp out, “You make me happy as well, dove.” 

Her smile when he says those words almost guarantees that he’s going to drag himself through another century, another Cauldron damned millennia, just for the chance to see it again before he leaves this world. 

“I got so confused,” she admits, stepping closer, taking his hand and leading them over to the low, squashy couches inside the room. She settles down on it, tugging him down as he well and he obliges her. “It wasn’t supposed to be real, any of it.I was just supposed to-” she breaks off, flushing a deeper scarlet than his hair and looking away from him. He feels a flutter against the bond, a pattern of feeling he’s slowly been learning to interpret as he’s spent time with her, and realising that it’s shame. 

“To make me trust you, tell you secrets about the  Spring Court and about Tamlin and Hybern’s plans for the war so you could help Rhys and Feyre destroy them?” He asks evenly. 

She nods, her shame deepening as she does so, and when she looks up at  him again he’s startled to see tears in her ears. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers hoarsely. 

Lucien shakes his head, a little bemused by the strength of her reaction. “It was war, Elain,” he says quietly, “You did what you had to to protect the people that you loved. I can’t hold that against you.”

“But I lied to you,” she squeaks, covering her mouth with a hand as though even uttering those words is too much of a disgrace for her to bear. “I lied to you and manipulated you and tricked you and-” Lucien arches an eyebrow, a little amused by this small torrent of confessions, and she blushes again. 

A laugh barks out of him in response, he can’t help himself, and he smiles fondly over at her for managing to draw that small splinter of joy from him. “It was a very nice lie,” he says soothingly, patting her knee where it’s curled up under her, almost touching him. 

“It was,” she murmurs quietly, “Until it stopped being a lie altogether.” He blinks at her, startled by the candidness of that admission. She swallows, seeming to struggle with herself, “I thought it would be difficult, spending time with you, pretending to like you, pretending that I was happy around you,” she says, blushing again, “I’ve never been very good at that, at pretending but...” 

She looks up at him again, meeting his eyes as she says, “I didn’t have to pretend for very long. You were...You were so easy to be around, so easy to talk to and feel comfortable with. I thought at first it might be magic, something with the bond encouraging me but...It wasn’t. I know that now.” She reaches out, taking Lucien’s hand in both of her own. “It was just...Just you. You made me feel safe and happy and I...I stopped pretending a long time ago but it..It took me so long to realise it...”

It had only taken him about a day to realise that he couldn’t have any fun with this, couldn’t play her at her own game as he’d been intending too. The bond ached in his chest at the very thought and after that first quiet meal they’d eaten together, he’d known that he was lost to her. He could never harm her, not in any way, he would just take whatever scraps she saw fit to give him, indulge in this dream as long as she would allow, pretend that he wasn’t falling for her harder and harder with every day they spent together. 

“It scared me,” she murmurs quietly,” Because it...It wasn’t supposed to be real, I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for you but I...I did. I do, I-“ She takes a deep breath, stealing herself, then, “You make me happy, Lucien,” she says it so simply, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I thought...I never thought I would feel this way for someone else again. After I was Made losing...Everything. I thought...I thought I could do this, I thought there was no way I could ever truly want this, this bond, this relationship, not after everything I-“

Lucien realises with a start that...She had thought herself broken. She had lost everything, her love, her family, her home, just as he had all those years ago with the death of his partner. She had thought herself broken beyond repair after that, just as he had. She had thought that she could be hard and cold and resist this world and the pulls it had on her soul to make her feel things so deeply...Just as he had. She had thought that she would never feel for another what she had for her first love, just as he had. And she had found herself falling for another anyway, despite her best intentions to the contrary...Just as he had.

“I was wrong,” she says, a soft smile tugging at her lips as she admits that. “And I...I can’t keep pretending anymore, Lucien, I can’t. It’s too hard because I...I-“ Say it he beseeches her silently, not sure if he presses the impulse through the bond or not; not sure if he wants to or not, but either way, she must understand. “I think I’m falling for you, Lucien,” she whispers quietly, daring to look him in the eye as she does so. “And I don’t want to do that as part of some game or trick or lie, I, I want it to be real. I want to do this properly. For you. My...My mate.”

Lucien stares at her in silence for almost a full minute, watching her anxiously stare at him, trying to discern his intentions. He goes to war with himself in that minute, agonising over the things he wants to say, how he should answer, how to tell her everything that’s been inside him, desperate for release, for months now. Until at last he abandons logic and reason and allows himself to indulge his instincts for the first time in too long.

He surges for her, sliding a hand behind her head, the other behind her back, and drawing her against him, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. Elain lets out a tiny ‘oh’ of surprise against his mouth and then she’s melting into him, parting her lips for his tongue, not at all shy in her greed for him, what she asks from him, what she takes from him. The kiss is long, lingering and hot, and he never wants it to end, never wants to stop kissing her, never wants to let go of her. His mate. His mate. For the first time since he’s met her, he thinks that he truly understands what that means.

At last though, they’re forced to break apart. He still holds her cautiously in his hands, hesitantly watching for her reaction to his forwardness. If it was too much, if she wasn’t ready, if he’s just ruined- Elain straightens her dress, smoothing out the creases, a soft flush lining her cheeks. Just as Lucien is becoming convinced that he’s just ruined everything, she gives up on words as well, grabs the front of his tunic, and pulls him back down to kiss her.

He laughs against her lips as she does so, letting her lead the kiss this time, letting her explore them, explore this. Their hands roam gently over one another’s bodies, sliding and stroking through the other’s hair, touching faces and hands, jolting lightly in pleasure whenever skin meets skin as they search one another out.

Finally, when they’ve managed to stop kissing one another and attempt to scrape together some words, Elain cups his face in her hand, her thumb brushing tenderly over the deep slash in his cheek and asks in a quiet murmur, “No more pretending?”

He laughs again, not sure when he’s ever done so much of that in recent, or distant, memory, presses a kiss to her nose, making her blink and smile in a bemused sort of way. “No more pretending,” he promises quietly, before he leans in again and stops pretending that he wants to do anything at all for the rest of the morning but kiss her.  

[lhard013]

In Training

“He’s in training.”

Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I said this. I’d already have my farm. 3, most likely. One in Virginia, one in Montana, and perhaps an extra smaller one for my summer home in Alaska.

The thing that most people don’t know when I resort to saying this is, he’s been “in training” for three years. Three not-always-so-triumphant years.

And yet, the best three years of my life.

It’s a funny thing – my biggest stressor is also my biggest stress reliever.

But that’s what I signed up for when Noah picked me. I didn’t have a choice in the matter, even though I (don’t) often wonder what I would have done had I known the baggage that was lying just under the surface when this young pup showed up on the ranch, cold and hungry. Always at the ready, I had a bowl and some dogfood handy – there are more strays than people in Middle-of-Nowhere-Texas – so it was not uncommon to see them meandering or running rampant on the roads or across the ranch. But on this particularly cold day in January, something was different.

I had been on the market for a new canine companion. After my previous badass barn mutt Biscuit had passed away a few years earlier, a new companion had been on my mind – but it was never the “right time.” Whatever the hell that means.

My recent move to Texas had proven to be a good one, though not without its challenges. I knew a dog would be in my future at some point, but it had to be the right one. So, I did my research. I took time looking at different shelters. (If you ever want your heart broken over and over, visit shelters in Middle-of-Nowhere-Texas. And don’t waste your money on waterproof mascara.) I knew what I wanted, (a German Shepherd), but I knew all the pieces would have to fall into place for the right dog, considering my situation. He would have to make a good ranch dog – good with livestock, equipment, open land, long days in extreme weather, and people.

I finally found what I was looking for: the saddest looking German Shepherd on the kill list at a shelter over an hour away. I made plans to go visit him, but was told that under shelter rules, I would have to “tag” the dog and essentially buy him sight unseen if I wanted to keep him alive in the next 24 hours. I couldn’t get to the shelter until the next day, so I told them my plan – I’d leave first thing in the morning and come get him, I’ll be there by 6am – but if anyone is closer and can save him prior to that, by all means. Let them. Just get him out of there and please God, let him have a good home.

I held true to my plan. I was up and out the door when I got the message that someone had seen him, wanted him and was able to take him home immediately. I was crushed – but the good kind. He was safe…but I was still without a new best friend, that I was starting to realize was vital for my own mental health.

About an hour later, I got a text from my trainer. “I think I found your dog.” Upon some clarification, I was informed that there was a larger-looking dog running rampant around the ranch – no collar, not fixed. This is typical of Middle-of-Nowhere-Texas, as it’s also not uncommon for owned dogs to roam free. This one looked fairly healthy, albeit cold, clearly hungry, a little skinny and a little skittish.

To this day I couldn’t tell you what it was. But when I saw him from a distance I said without hesitation, “That’s my dog.”

This kid did nothing to prove me wrong.

I whistled to get his attention from a ways away, then put some dogfood in the bowl and shook it and laid it down in front of me. He came up cautiously, but with curiosity. I sat down near the bowl, and began to talk. I have no clue what I said, but before he began eating, homeboy came over, looked at me and simply put his paw in my hand.

Sold.

That tail started wagging upon gobbling up some delicious – likely long-awaited – breakfast, and we located a makeshift leash. It did not take long to figure out this youngin’ had NEVER seen a leash before in his life. No biggie. He was clearly still a puppy – 6-ish months old – and had a lot of growing up to do. No worries there.

The next logical step was to take him to the vet to see if he had a microchip. Sure, that’s just a quick trip.

Except when you’re already a 60-ish pound puppy with zero training who does NOT want to get into a vehicle…you don’t get into the vehicle.

And you’ll fight tooth and nail (with everything but teeth and nails) to stay out of it. This poor kid clearly had an issue with cars. Or rather, as we pieced together later – likely being tossed out of one.

After a 30 minute battle of the species, I surprised him with a spurt of strength in quite literally scooping him up from behind and giving him no option but to jump the rest of the way in. Not the most graceful of ways, but hey – we made it happen. I learned lesson number one: patience should have taken longer than 30 minutes. I don’t remember why I was trying to rush, but this became an ongoing lesson: no matter the circumstances, sometimes you must simply breathe, and take your time.

Upon arrival at the vet’s office, this wonderful –albeit slightly fearful – puppy patient sat carefully on the scale and allowed the techs to check for a chip – of which there was none. My racing heart slowed as I began to realize the significance that now, this really COULD be my dog. The techs asked, “Do you want to put ‘Lost Dog’ signs up in here for him?”

Again, without hesitation and with an odd form of certainty, “No. He has a home.”

Three years later, I understand what love is.

I could bore you (or perhaps hilariously and horrendously enlighten you) on what has transpired over the last three years of being owned by my best friend. I’ll shorten it to a few key points. You’re welcome.

Without getting too deep, but yet first and foremost: love is patient.

I have cried more tears over this animal than I have over any of my horses – and that’s saying something. I’ve lost horses in ways we all hope to never experience, and I’ve seen (and been involved in) accidents that still have their pages dog-eared in my mind. Death and damage is a part of life – but the fear of it, is far worse. And this was something I had never experienced.

Noah came into my life when I needed him the most. He was everything I’d prayed for: good with livestock (except cats), good with equipment, good on the ranch, great with the horses (upon some education), mostly good on open land (deer and coyotes altered this behavior every now and then), and fantastic with extreme weather conditions. Many of these pieces were learned, but much of it came natural to him.

One thing he was not good with – people.

Here’s the kicker – not ALL people. Just SOME people. He picked and chose. He fell in love with some immediately. Others, you’d best not even try to get near him if you want to keep your limbs in tact.

Even better – he loathed children. To this day, not a single child can get near him.

We managed this. Whatever the alter ego of “easy peasy” is, this was it. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent trying to figure him out in those first few months, but rest easy knowing that “hours” truly means “months.” Days on end.

At one point, I moved in with a friend while I was transitioning to a new place. Noah was not allowed inside, so he got a fancy igloo on the porch. I am a born-and-bred “dogs belong inside with the family” gal, but that simply couldn’t be the case here. So again, we managed, and he figured out the igloo (complete with warm fluffy puppy bed) was for him. What he didn’t quite figure out, was how to SHUT. UP.

One night was particularly bad. For anyone who thinks I talk a lot, I dare you to spend a night on a ranch in Middle-of-Nowhere-Texas with an Anatolian Shepherd outside. Seriously. Double Dog Dare Ya.

For about 10 hours straight, he did not bark. He SCREAMED. This “bark” was the most ferocious thing I had ever heard, and it was NON. STOP.

All. Night.

No amount of ignoring, hollering, or bribing shut him up. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway), I got ZERO sleep that night. So the next morning when I finally gave in and got up, I went outside to start my day as per usual. Started my walk to the barn in the early morning light, and in my weary haze, thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I glanced out across one of the fields.

No tricks. Indeed, there was a solid trail of blood. A little less than half a football field long, starting from the middle of the field and ending at the bottom of the dam just beyond it.

And there it was – the stripped skeleton of what had been a deer the night before.

And all at once, the emotions came over me. I had gotten so mad at this dog for simply trying to tell me there was a problem on this place he now called home. And I’d ignored him and yelled at him.

He didn’t hold this against me. I learned this lesson, and began to use it to my advantage.

I’ll say it again – he did not hold this against me.  Love is patient.

A few months later, it was time to invest in some obedience classes. There was still enough of the “puppy” left to be causing some frustrations, so I “splurged.” It helped immensely with basic obedience, but the underlying issues were still there – he simply could not be around certain people. Emphasis on the “certain.” At first there was a theme – men. Unless it was someone he knew or accepted, he hated men and would not tolerate men approaching me. Then it was certain women. And any and ALL children.

I started taking notes.

That guy smelled like alcohol. That girl was drenched in cigarette smoke. That guy stared at him dead in the eyes. That girl flippantly got in his face. That guy was visibly passive and nervous. The child never did anything except exist, but that was enough to set him off if one was within eye shot.

Love is patient.

I tried. I failed. I tried. I failed. I tried. And I failed.

Don’t let this part fool you – when he’s with those who are accepted into his inner circle, you’ll find the biggest teddy bear dog in the world. Hashtag 100% lapdog.

But I’ll be darned if you are not in that circle.

At one point, I decided it was time to consider my options. Perhaps I really wasn’t the person for him. Other people were telling me that, and this started to permeate in my head. Clearly, I am doing something wrong. Maybe…just maybe…my starry-eyed mind ran away with me and the happily-ever-after-riding-off-into-the-sunset picture in my head simply wasn’t meant to be.

People started telling me, "He should probably just be euthanized."

Hell. This is real life, not Disney.

So, I posted a note on Facebook. In many more words, it essentially said “This dog means the world to me. But he needs more than I can offer him. Perfect homes need only apply.”

I got several responses, from several wonderful people.

Suffice it to say…none were perfect enough.

Love is patient.

                 * * *

Not long after that, I had my first Texas trip to the ER. If you’re smart, you don’t wear flip flops at all on a ranch. If you’re really lacking on smarts for the day, you wear flip flops on a ranch at night.

Lo and behold, copperheads will find you.

And lo and behold, I got found. On the ankle. In the dark. And had a solid limp in about 20 minutes.

But, again – because I was lacking on smarts for the day – I ignored it, thinking it had been a Texas-sized wasp. (Everything’s bigger in Texas, right?) I hadn’t actually SEEN the snake (doctors later confirmed the kind) so I just assumed I’d once again landed myself into a Lindsey-situation. Not uncommon.

10 hours later, and my poor trainer was the one who had to get me off the floor, into the truck, and into the hospital to then get hooked up to machines and drugged up on God knows what.

The thing is, I’d spent the better part of 6 hours passed out on the bathroom floor, in between vomit spells. I’d never thrown up so much in my life, but let me tell ya – girls, if you wanna lose some water weight and about 3 weeks of cheat meals, go find a copperhead!!!

I remember Noah being at my side the entire night. Every time I regained consciousness to throw up again, he was lying on my opposite leg that was sprawled out in some odd fashion to avoid touching the victim leg. Every time.

He never moved.

Upon gaining enough consciousness to call someone, I called my trainer who was (thankfully) next door. He answered, but I couldn’t speak. And after a few brief moments of trying, the call cut out – no service in Middle-of-Nowhere-Texas. Duh.

Again, thankfully, one of us has smarts. So he figured out something was wrong and came over. Alas – my door was locked. No more than perhaps 6 feet away, but light years for someone not entirely coherent, rolling in and out of consciousness and no use of one leg.

I tried sitting up. Passed out again – this time, in the other direction. Directly on top of Noah, who was still at my side.

I later asked my trainer how I got to the door. He said when he opened it, I was just sitting there with Noah right next to me – his whole body against mine. Once some drugs wore off, I remembered bits and pieces – my trainer had knocked and called my name. And Noah had crawled to the door – with me in tow. Deadweight. Close enough so that when we got there and I woke up again, I could reach up to unlock it.

He did not learn this in his obedience classes.

If you ever read further in this particular Corinthians passage, it says, “Love always protects.”

I’m still paying off that hospital bill. But thanks to a particularly unique four-legged gift, who later became my right leg for a week while I regained some balance, I am still here. With both legs in tact.

Love always protects.

* * *

Indulge me for a moment, and allow me to give a bit of insight. While this is a cool story (I hope), I’d be a fool to not include some fun facts.

Noah is an Anatolian Shepherd. If you have never heard of one, look it up. Google will help you with the biography, but I’ll leave it at this: there are all sorts of “support” pages on Facebook: Depression. OCD. Autism. MS. Cancer. Bullying. Domestic Violence.

There is also an Anatolian Shepherd Owner Support page.

And yes, I found this by accident. I stumbled upon it while knee deep in research on the breed, and nearing closer and closer to the end of my rope with the “issues” that seemed to only be getting worse; or at the very least, no better. The better he became at being a ranch dog and my right arm, the worse he became with strangers. I’d already decided post-snake-bite that this was not a dog I could ever give up. It just became a matter of management.

So, I joined the Anatolian Shepherd Owner Support page.

And lo and behold – I wasn’t the only one with these problems. These fears.

The blatant red fear that my dog would cause harm to one person – that one wrong person – who would fight for my dog to be euthanized.

The stories were endless. “My neighbors are afraid of him.” “She snapped at my husband.” “He doesn’t allow anyone he doesn’t know into the house.” “We have to separate him completely if we want to have guests over.”

And those are mild.

Now of course, there were those of the opposite theme – “PERFECT children’s dog.” “Passed his Canine Good Citizen test with flying colors!” “She is now a licensed therapy dog.”

These of course, while wonderful stories, were discouraging.

Where was I going wrong?

I waited a while before posting, as I wanted to feel out the crowd a little bit to make sure it was a legit forum and not just some random trolls ready to take aim and file a lawsuit against a dog that bares its teeth. In fact, it wasn’t – and I was soon met with a mountain of support and love from fellow adults owned by Anatolian Shepherds.

We shared stories and photos. I quickly noticed one common denominator.

Loyalty. Pure, unadulterated loyalty.

These dogs mean business – and that business, while easily taken the wrong way if not understood, is protection. Guardianship. A responsibility to those they love.

This rang true a second time – this time, at a rest stop in Louisiana at 2am not long after the snake bite.

I was kneeled over pouring water for him into his travel bowl just outside of his passenger side door (he rode shotgun with me before he had a growth spurt) and I saw the shadow at the same time I saw his hackles rise. His facial expression and body language did a complete 180, and I did not have to turn around to know that there was someone there who shouldn’t be.

I’ll never forget the way he came out of the shadows just enough to block me and make his teeth and jowls visible. The opportunity was there, but he didn’t take it – the man stumbled backward and was lost into the night. My heart rate had barely had time to rise in the few seconds that this transpired, but it still took me a few deep breaths to register what I’d just witnessed. Forget the potential threat – what my dog, MY dog, had just done was only seen in movies.

Again…he didn’t learn that in obedience class.

Love protects.

A similar situation happened a second time over a year later, on a 5am run. And once again, it was all over in about 10 seconds. Noah was virtually hidden (I can only assume) running on my left side in the shadows of forage, while I was in the light of the sidewalk. A lone vehicle veered onto the (empty) oncoming lane and slammed on the brakes right next to the sidewalk. A man with a hood on (and therefore no facial recognition) exited the car and, as though this had been practiced, Noah executed a perfect whirl to my front, again blocked me, and again demonstrated what the “fear of God” looks like. I need to be fair here in saying that I have only seen this from the side of the joust you want to be on – so I can only assume how it must feel to be on the receiving end.

That said, I believe it’s safe to assume it feels less than desirable – the man promptly did a 180 back into his car, slammed the door and hightailed it down the road. And Noah promptly went from Fear of God, back to happy-tails and trotting along with me down the road.

To this day, he constantly checks behind us on our daily walks.

Love is patient. Love protects.

At this point, you’ve probably figured out that Noah never went anywhere. I deleted my Facebook post about finding him a new home, and we began tackling the world together. Not always successfully, but we continue to try anyway.

Since these very physically threatening moments have happened, some equally mentally and emotionally jarring moments have creeped to the surface as well. We all have bad days, but as each of you reading this likely knows – some bad days are worse than others. Whatever this means to you, I know you understand.

Those days exist. There is no denying it. And again, if I had a nickel for every time this dog has nosed my hands away from my face, pressed his face into mine and tried to get me up when he thought I passed out, barked me out of a nightmare, or simply put a paw on my shoulder when it all just seems like more than I can handle – well.

I might be almost as rich as I already am, simply from the love of a dog. Because, love is kind.

So, yes. Three years to the day he came gallivanting into my heart, he is still in training.

And you know what? So am I.

When won’t I be? Life doesn’t stop to let you catch up. We are ALL constantly learning – hopefully working on becoming better versions of ourselves. This, of course, doesn’t happen across the globe. But just as easily as there are moments that drive you to "It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!", you can bet that there are stories that will never make headlines, never make national news, never make anything really – except, for those brief moments, restore your faith in humanity.

Perhaps in yourself if you find the right dog.

Three years ago today, I found the right dog. I knew it at the time, and as everyone says, “When you know, you know.”  I’ve been asked on a few occasions, would I do it all over again if I knew from the beginning about the amount of baggage that came with him?

I’d like to think I take some time to consider this – adding up each time he has led me to tears, to heartache, to headache, to yell, to drink.

My answer is simply, “yes.” The reason why is irrelevant, but in all truth – you don’t give up on someone you love.

He didn’t on me.

Love is patient.

Love protects.

Love is kind.

Love is an Anatolian Shepherd named Noah who is currently sound asleep on my bed as I type, safe and warm from the bitter January (albeit confused) Texas weather. He takes up the entire bed, and I don’t mind. When I eventually squeeze in with him, he’ll place his paw over my chest and I’ll become a little spoon to a Shepherd. I’ll get a goodnight kiss from a cold nose.

Tomorrow, we begin again. We are both in training, tackling this thing called Life daily. It certainly isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but dancing in the rain has quite a bit more flavor when you’re learning step by step alongside someone who wants to learn these steps with you.

Not for you, or against you – but simply, with you.

Love is so many things. And I am lucky enough to know this, through the heart of a dog who sees me just as I am.

Flawed. Imperfect. In training.

He knows I don’t always see him just as he is. Because I know the incredible dog he is, it’s hard for me sometimes to keep my mind in check when he has a bad moment. Even as those moments become (slowly) fewer and fewer, he does still have them. And what I have finally come to the realization of is this:

He has a past. So do I.

He has memories. So do I.

He recognizes people whom he simply does not like. So do I.

He recognizes people with whom he immediately feels a rapport. So do I.

He has moments where he simply just needs the reminder that I am there, and it’s ok. So do I…and he has been this reminder for me, from day one.

In three years, without fail, he has never ceased to remind me that he is there.

And three years ago and beyond, I had no clue that I needed this.

Over the course of our time together, I am proud to say that I now do have a really, really good dog. In fact, a recent trainer came to me with words that will resonate with me on those days that aren’t so good: “You know, I meet dogs all the time. You fall in love with all of them, some you don’t want to see go and some you can’t wait to see leave. He is incredible. And he is an incredible dog for you. He’ll always be a one-person dog, and that’s ok. He’ll always need time and patience. But as long as he’s with you, that is one happy dog.”

I have all the time in the world for him. I'LL always need time and patience. But as long as I have him, I'm a happy human. Because…that’s love.

And love is patient.

Love protects.

Love is kind.

And love is always in training.

[biofunmy]

AP Exclusive: New election systems use vulnerable software

Pennsylvania’s message was clear: The state was taking a big step to keep its elections from being hacked in 2020. Last April, its top election official told counties they had to update their systems. So far, nearly 60% have taken action, with $14.15 million of mostly federal funds helping counties buy brand-new electoral systems.

But there’s a problem: Many of these new systems still run on old software that will soon be outdated and more vulnerable to hackers.

An Associated Press analysis has found that like many counties in Pennsylvania, the vast majority of 10,000 election jurisdictions nationwide use Windows 7 or an older operating system to create ballots, program voting machines, tally votes and report counts.

That’s significant because Windows 7 reaches its “end of life” on Jan. 14, meaning Microsoft stops providing technical support and producing “patches” to fix software vulnerabilities, which hackers can exploit. In a statement to the AP, Microsoft said Friday it would offer continued Windows 7 security updates for a fee through 2023.

Critics say the situation is an example of what happens when private companies ultimately determine the security level of election systems with a lack of federal requirements or oversight. Vendors say they have been making consistent improvements in election systems. And many state officials say they are wary of federal involvement in state and local elections.

It’s unclear whether the often hefty expense of security updates would be paid by vendors operating on razor-thin profit margins or cash-strapped jurisdictions. It’s also uncertain if a version running on Windows 10, which has more security features, can be certified and rolled out in time for primaries.

“That’s a very serious concern,” said J. Alex Halderman, a University of Michigan professor and renowned election security expert. He said the country risks repeating “mistakes that we made over the last decade or decade-and-a-half when states bought voting machines but didn’t keep the software up-to-date and didn’t have any serious provisions” for doing so.

The AP surveyed all 50 states, the District of Columbia and territories, and found multiple battleground states affected by the end of Windows 7 support, including Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Florida, Iowa, Indiana, Arizona and North Carolina. Also affected are Michigan, which recently acquired a new system, and Georgia, which will announce its new system soon.

“Is this a bad joke?” said Marilyn Marks, executive director of the Coalition for Good Governance, an election integrity advocacy organization, upon learning about the Windows 7 issue. Her group sued Georgia to get it to ditch its paperless voting machines and adopt a more secure system. Georgia recently piloted a system running on Windows 7 that was praised by state officials.

If Georgia selects a system that runs on Windows 7, Marks said, her group will go to court to block the purchase. State elections spokeswoman Tess Hammock declined to comment because Georgia hasn’t officially selected a vendor.

The election technology industry is dominated by three titans: Omaha, Nebraska-based Election Systems and Software LLC; Denver, Colorado-based Dominion Voting Systems Inc.; and Austin, Texas-based Hart InterCivic Inc. They make up about 92% of election systems used nationwide, according to a 2017 study . All three have worked to win over states newly infused with federal funds and eager for an update.

U.S. officials determined that Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election and have warned that Russia, China and other nations are trying to influence the 2020 elections.

Of the three companies, only Dominion’s newer systems aren’t touched by upcoming Windows software issues ��� though it has election systems acquired from no-longer-existing companies that may run on even older operating systems.

Hart’s system runs on a Windows version that reaches its end of life on Oct. 13, 2020, weeks before the election.

ES&S said it expects by the fall to be able to offer customers an election system running on Microsoft’s current operating system, Windows 10. It’s now being tested by a federally accredited lab.

For jurisdictions that have already purchased systems running on Windows 7, ES&S said it will be working with Microsoft to provide support until jurisdictions can update. Windows 10 came out in 2015.

Hart and Dominion didn’t respond to requests for comment.

Microsoft usually releases patches for operating systems monthly, so hackers have learned to target older, unsupported systems. Its systems have been ground zero for crippling cyberattacks, including the WannaCry ransomware attack, which froze systems in 200,000 computers across 150 countries in 2017.

For many people, the end of Microsoft 7 support means simply updating. However, for election systems the process is more onerous. ES&S and Hart don’t have federally certified systems on Windows 10, and the road to certification is long and costly, often taking at least a year and costing six figures.

ES&S, the nation’s largest vendor, completed its latest certification four months ago, using Windows 7. Hart’s last certification was May 29 on a Windows version that also won’t be supported by November 2020.

Though ES&S is testing a new system it’s unclear how long it will take to complete the process — federal and possible state recertification, plus rolling out updates — and if it will be done before primaries begin in February.

Election administrators notoriously suffer from insufficient resources. Recently, many jurisdictions splurged on new election systems, some using their portion of $380 million in federal funds provided to states.

Counties in South Dakota, South Carolina and Delaware all recently bought election systems, while many others are evaluating purchases.

The use of election systems that still run on Windows 7 “is of concern, and it should be of concern,” said U.S. Election Assistance Commission Chair Christy McCormick. EAC develops election system guidelines.

McCormick noted that while election systems aren’t supposed to be connected to the internet, various stages of the election process require transfers of information, which could be points of vulnerability for attackers. She said some election administrators are working to address the problem.

Officials in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Arizona say they have discussed the software issue with their vendors. Other states mentioned in this story didn’t respond to AP requests for comment.

Pennsylvania elections spokeswoman Wanda Murren said contract language allows such a software upgrade for free. Arizona elections spokeswoman C. Murphy Hebert said ES&S has also assured the state that it will provide support to counties for an upgrade.

Susan Greenhalgh, policy director for the advocacy group National Election Defense Coalition, said even the best scenario has election administrators preparing for primaries while trying to upgrade their systems, which is “crazy.” Her group shared its concerns about Windows 7 with AP.

Certification, which is voluntary at the federal level but sometimes required by state laws, ensures vendor software runs properly on operating systems they’re tested on. But there is no cybersecurity check and the process often fails to keep up with rapidly changing technology.

Kevin Skoglund, chief technologist for Citizens for Better Elections, said county election officials point to EAC and state certifications as “rock-solid proof” their systems are secure, but don’t realize vendors are certifying systems under 2005 standards.

Local officials rely on vendors to build secure systems and EAC and the states to enforce high standards, Skoglund said.

After the AP began making inquiries, Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., wrote McCormick asking what EAC, which has no regulatory power, is doing to address a “looming election cybersecurity crisis” that essentially lays the “red carpet” out to hackers.

“Congress must pass legislation giving the federal government the authority to mandate basic cybersecurity for election infrastructure,” Wyden told the AP in a statement.

———

This story has been corrected to fix spelling of Arizona elections spokeswoman C. Murphy Hebert’s last name.

Sahred From Source link Technology

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[techstaffer]

Teaching Your College-Age Child about Money

When your child first started school, you doled out the change for milk and a snack on a daily basis. But now that your kindergartner has grown up, it’s time for you to make sure that your child has enough financial knowledge to manage money at college.

Lesson 1: Budgeting 101

Perhaps your child already understands the basics of budgeting from having to handle an allowance or wages from a part-time job during high school. But now that your child is in college, he or she may need to draft a “real world” budget, especially if he or she lives off-campus and is responsible for paying for rent and utilities. Here are some ways you can help your child plan and stick to a realistic budget:

  Help your child figure out what income there will be (money from home, financial aid, a part-time job) and when it will be coming in (at the beginning of each semester, once a month, or every week).

Make sure your child understands the difference between needs and wants. For instance, when considering expenses, point out that buying groceries is a need and eating out is a want. Your child should understand how important it is to cover the needs first.

Determine together how you and your child will split responsibility for expenses. For instance, you may decide that you’ll pay for your child’s trips home, but that your child will need to pay for art supplies or other miscellaneous expenses.

Warn your child not to spend too much too soon, particularly when money that has to last all semester arrives at the beginning of a term. Too many evenings out in September eating surf and turf could lead to a December of too many evenings in eating cold cereal.

Acknowledge that college isn’t all about studying, but explain that splurging this week will mean scrimping next week. While you should include entertainment expenses in the budget, encourage your child to stick closely to the limit you agree upon.

Show your child how to track expenses by saving receipts and keeping an expense log. Knowing where the money is going will help your child stay on track. Reallocation of resources may sometimes be necessary, but help your child understand that spending more in one area means spending less in another.

Encourage your child to plan ahead for big expenses (the annual auto insurance bill or the trip over spring break) by instead setting aside money for them on a regular basis.

Caution your child to monitor spending patterns to avoid excessive spending, and ask him or her to come to you for advice at the first sign of financial trouble.

You should also help your child understand that a budget should remain flexible; as financial goals change, a budget must change to accommodate them. Still, your child’s ultimate goal is to make sure that what goes out is always less than what comes in.

  Lesson 2: Opening a bank account

For the sake of convenience, your child may want to open a checking account near the college; doing so may also reduce transaction fees (e.g. automated teller machine (ATM) fees). Ideally, a checking account should require no minimum balance and allow unlimited free checking; short of that, look for an account with these features:

  A simple fee structure

ATM or debit card access to the account

Online or telephone access to account information

Overdraft protection

To avoid bouncing checks, it’s essential to keep accurate records, especially of ATM or debit card usage. Show your child how to balance a checkbook on a regular (monthly) basis. Most checking account statements provide instructions on how to do this.

  Encourage your child to open a savings account too, especially if he or she has a part-time job during the school year or summer. Your child should save any income that doesn’t have to be put towards college expenses. After all, there is life after college, and while it may seem inconceivable to a college freshman, he or she may one day want to buy a new car or a home.

  Lesson 3: Getting credit

If your child is age 21 or older, he or she may be able to independently obtain a credit card. But if your child is younger, the credit card company will require you, or another adult, to cosign the credit card application, unless your child can prove that he or she has the financial resources to repay the credit card debt. A credit card can provide security in a financial emergency and, if used properly, can help your child build a good credit history. But the temptation to use a credit card can be seductive, and it’s not uncommon for students to find themselves over their heads in debt before they’ve declared their majors. Unfortunately, a poor credit history can make it difficult for your child to rent an apartment, get a car loan, or even find a job for years after earning a degree. And if you’ve cosigned your child’s credit card application, you’ll be on the hook for your child’s unpaid credit card debt, and your own credit history could suffer.

  Here are some tips to help your child learn to use credit responsibly:

  Advise your child to get a credit card with a low credit limit to keep credit card balances down.

Explain to your child that a credit card isn’t an income supplement; what gets charged is what’s owed (and then some, given the high interest rates). If your child continually has trouble meeting expenses, he or she should review and revise the budget instead of pulling out the plastic.

Teach your child to review each credit card bill and make the payment by the due date. Otherwise, late fees may be charged, the interest rate may go up if the account falls 60 days past due, and your child’s credit history (or yours, if you’ve cosigned) may be damaged.

If your child can’t pay the bill in full each month, encourage him or her to pay as much as possible. An undergraduate student making only the minimum payments due each month on a credit card could finish a post-doctorate program before paying off the balance.

Make sure your child notifies the card issuer of any address changes so that he or she will continue to receive statements.

Tell your child that when it comes to creditors, students don’t get summers off! Your child will need to continue to make payments every month, and if there’s a credit card balance carried over from the school year, your child may want to use summer earnings to pay it off in order to start the next school year with a clean slate.

  Finally, remind your child that life after college often involves student loan payments and maybe even car or mortgage payments. The less debt your child graduates with, the better off he or she will be. When it comes to the plastic variety, extra credit is the last thing a college student wants to accumulate!

[ripwitchuniverse-blog]

Wedding Dress Tips - What You must Think about

Are you currently about to obtain married? For many ladies, this really is the day that they've been planning for considering that they were young girls. For those who feel the same, then it's understandable why you are out in search of suggestions, help and support to create your dream wedding a reality. Let's face it. With regards to wedding dress, most males just can't seem to understand the significance of selecting the ideal wedding dress. True, you're only going to be wearing that gown when within your life, as well as your groom might nevertheless feel the inclination to tie the knot even when you showed up dressed in a potato sack, but you quite properly know that one of by far the most crucial days of one's life merits an exceptionally specific dress. Major Tricks to Pick out the perfect Wedding Dress There are actually numerous wedding specifics that you just must care for, but it really is equally important that you take the time to discover the ideal wedding gown for you personally. To help you out, we've come up using a list of wedding dress strategies for how you can appear your most effective in your wedding day. Tip 1: Is continually going to your groom for recommendations obtaining you down? Locate a female buddy or relative who will gladly accompany you on your trips to the bridal shop.

Unless your groom is female fashion-savvy, he's not going to become significantly enable once you ask him in regards to the great wedding dress collar or neckline for you personally. Obtain a female companion or companions which you trust adequate for second and third opinions. Tip 2: Set a spending budget, and try to comply with it. Wedding dress budgets are hardly ever precise. You may should devote much more or you might wind up spending significantly less than you anticipated. The point is possessing a price range in thoughts will help you control the urge to splurge in your extremely special dress. Attempt your hardest to stick to your dress price range, and pray that you simply come across an incredible wedding dress bargain that will make your groom proud. Tip three: Think about the colour of the gown. You could stick with tradition and go for white, but if you need to add some color for your gown, then by all means, discover the perfect color for you personally. Nowadays, numerous modern brides are choosing colored wedding dresses instead of plain white ones. Stand out in the sea of white-clad brides by going for an eye-popping color. You might want to take the season into consideration when choosing out your wedding dress color, or you could simply go for what flatters your complexion greatest. Also be prepared for doable adverse reactions from your conventional guests. Console your self using the thought that it's your wedding, and you can wear blue or perhaps black if you need to. Tip 4: Come across the ideal wedding dress length. Yes, wedding gowns could be short or lengthy based on the variety of ceremony you happen to be getting and exactly where you're organizing on having it. There's a really basic rule in regards to deciding upon the ideal wedding dress length, and it really is to base your dress length on how formal the ceremony is. If you are getting a formal ceremony, then floor-length is the solution to go. If it's an ultra-formal wedding, then you may perhaps choose to add a cathedral train to your dress. For informal weddings, you can decide on the hemline that flatters you best. Brief, or at the least shorter wedding dresses are advised for casual and outside weddings for practical reasons. You don't choose to get mud, twigs, leaves or sand in your floor-length designer wedding dress, ideal? Tip 5: Pick the appropriate as well as the most flattering sleeve-length and style for the dress. By appropriate, we're merely reminding you that a winter wedding might not be the most effective time to go for any halter, plunging and backless number unless you are planning on wearing over clothing. If you are feeling conscious about your arms or your shoulders, then you may possibly would like to maintain those trouble places covered. You will discover quite a few sleeve types and sleeve lengths to select from; basically choose the a single that fits the occasion finest though generating you really feel pretty and comfortable in your dress. Tip 6: Know the value of finding the correct skirt style and dress shape for your physique. Considerably like wedding dresses, brides come in various shapes and sizes. Take into consideration your physical assets, your overall body shape as well as your challenge regions when generating your selection of skirt style and dress shape. As an example, if you are shaped like an inverted triangle, with prominent shoulders and little hips, then a ball gown would balance your proportions producing the right silhouette and hourglass figure. Tip 7: Determining the very best neckline for you. Your wedding gown's neckline can surely affect your gown's overall look. You might have quite a few neckline possibilities, but it's all a matter of locating by far the most suitable and flattering neckline for your frame. Keep in mind, in the very same way which you need to take your assets, body shape and issue regions into consideration when picking out dress shapes and skirt styles, you also ought to appear at these variables when picking out your wedding dress neckline. If you are planning on displaying off your arms, your stunning shoulders and pronounced collar bones, and you have an ample bosom to pull off the appear, then the strapless gown is definitely an exceptional neckline choice. If you tend towards the flat side, then you definitely can enhance your bust region using a bateau neckline. Tip eight: Appear for the right fabric. A pure satin ball gown wouldn't stand on its personal with no layers of tulle below it or hoops built in to the dress. Your option of fabric could directly influence your gown's overall appear. Should you usually be uncomfortable or in case you are inclined to really feel itchy when you happen to be wearing crisp and net-like fabrics, then go for the breezy and lightweight ones.

You'll find a lot of diverse fabrics to select from. A approach to familiarize your self with these fabrics is usually to ask your wedding planner or the bridal boutique owner that will help you distinguish between the various fabric forms available. Tip 9: Determine on regardless of whether or not you'd like or will need a wedding train. A wedding train means extra-fabric and detailing, which translates to paying extra for the wedding dress. Unless your wedding is ultra-formal, you are not going to have to have a train. If your heart is set on possessing a train that trails gracefully behind you, then pick your train length depending on practicality. Your wedding train can reduce your mobility, generating it difficult to maneuver in between chairs and tables through the reception. A detachable wedding train is most advisable if you're arranging on doing loads of dancing and walking right after the actual wedding ceremony. Tip 10: Be Wary of wedding gown sizing and needed alterations. You'll learn additional about this once you essentially head for the bridal boutique to become measured. You may currently know your actual size, but do not be too shocked if they tell you that you happen to be a size or two larger than you thought. This is not to say that they've faulty sizing charts; it only means that wedding dress boutiques and higher street shops possess a distinct way of determining your dress size. Your dress size is determined by your body's biggest dimension. For those who have prominent hips in addition to a smaller sized bust region, then your wedding dress size will likely be based on your hip size. When you get your wedding gown, you have to verify if alterations really need to be made for any best fit. Most brides find that alterations are necessary to get the size proper. Ask the boutique or shop owner for estimates on how much you're going to have to spend for dress alterations to establish if you are receiving an incredible bargain or even a rotten deal. Discover much more information cocktail dresses

[scribblert-blog]

Wedding Dress Suggestions - What You'll want to Think about

Are you currently about to get married? For many females, this really is the day that they've been planning for given that they were young girls. For those who really feel the same, then it really is understandable why you are out in search of guidance, support and assistance to create your dream wedding a reality. Let's face it. In relation to wedding dress, most men just can not look to know the importance of choosing the ideal wedding dress. Correct, you are only going to become wearing that gown as soon as in your life, as well as your groom may possibly nonetheless feel the inclination to tie the knot even though you showed up dressed within a potato sack, but you quite well realize that certainly one of probably the most critical days of your life merits an exceptionally special dress. Major Tricks to Decide on the right Wedding Dress You will find a great number of wedding specifics that you must look after, but it is equally important that you simply take the time to find the ideal wedding gown for you. That will help you out, we've come up having a list of wedding dress strategies for how you could look your finest on your wedding day. Tip 1: Is consistently going to your groom for strategies finding you down? Obtain a female pal or relative who will gladly accompany you in your trips for the bridal shop.

Unless your groom is female fashion-savvy, he's not going to become a lot enable once you ask him regarding the fantastic wedding dress collar or neckline for you personally. Discover a female companion or companions that you simply trust adequate for second and third opinions. Tip two: Set a spending budget, and endeavor to adhere to it. Wedding dress budgets are hardly ever precise. You could really need to commit a lot more or you might wind up spending significantly less than you anticipated. The point is obtaining a price range in thoughts will help you manage the urge to splurge in your really special dress. Try your hardest to stick to your dress budget, and pray which you locate an awesome wedding dress bargain which will make your groom proud. Tip three: Contemplate the color of your gown. You could stick with tradition and go for white, but if you want to add some colour for your gown, then by all signifies, uncover the right color for you personally. Now, numerous contemporary brides are deciding upon colored wedding dresses in place of plain white ones. Stand out in the sea of white-clad brides by going for an eye-popping colour. You could desire to take the season into consideration when picking out your wedding dress colour, or you may basically go for what flatters your complexion most effective. Also be prepared for feasible adverse reactions out of your standard guests. Console oneself with the believed that it's your wedding, and you can put on blue and even black if you need to. Tip four: Discover the correct wedding dress length. Yes, wedding gowns is usually short or lengthy depending around the kind of ceremony you're possessing and exactly where you happen to be preparing on obtaining it. There is a very simple rule in terms of picking the ideal wedding dress length, and it's to base your dress length on how formal the ceremony is. If you are possessing a formal ceremony, then floor-length may be the technique to go. If it is an ultra-formal wedding, then you definitely may possibly need to add a cathedral train to your dress. For informal weddings, you'll be able to decide on the hemline that flatters you most effective. Brief, or at the least shorter wedding dresses are advised for casual and outdoor weddings for sensible factors. You do not would like to get mud, twigs, leaves or sand on your floor-length designer wedding dress, proper? Tip five: Pick the appropriate and the most flattering sleeve-length and style for the dress. By proper, we're merely reminding you that a winter wedding may possibly not be the most beneficial time to go for any halter, plunging and backless quantity unless you're preparing on wearing more than garments. If you are feeling conscious about your arms or your shoulders, then you could possibly need to hold these issue areas covered. You will find a lot of sleeve designs and sleeve lengths to select from; merely pick the a single that fits the occasion ideal when making you really feel quite and comfy inside your dress. Tip 6: Know the significance of getting the proper skirt style and dress shape for your body. Considerably like wedding dresses, brides come in diverse shapes and sizes. Take into consideration your physical assets, your general body shape as well as your challenge regions when creating your choice of skirt style and dress shape. One example is, if you are shaped like an inverted triangle, with prominent shoulders and smaller hips, then a ball gown would balance your proportions generating the perfect silhouette and hourglass figure. Tip 7: Determining the ideal neckline for you personally. Your wedding gown's neckline can surely have an effect on your gown's all round appearance. You've got many neckline options, but it really is all a matter of acquiring the most suitable and flattering neckline for your frame. Remember, inside the same way which you have to take your assets, body shape and difficulty areas into consideration when choosing out dress shapes and skirt designs, you also have to look at these factors when choosing your wedding dress neckline. If you are preparing on showing off your arms, your lovely shoulders and pronounced collar bones, and also you have an ample bosom to pull off the appear, then the strapless gown is an great neckline option. When you have a tendency towards the flat side, then you can improve your bust location having a bateau neckline. Tip eight: Appear for the correct fabric. A pure satin ball gown wouldn't stand on its own without layers of tulle beneath it or hoops constructed into the dress. Your choice of fabric could straight affect your gown's overall look. In the event you often be uncomfortable or if you are inclined to really feel itchy when you are wearing crisp and net-like fabrics, then go for the breezy and lightweight ones.

You'll find a great number of various fabrics to select from. A approach to familiarize yourself with these fabrics is to ask your wedding planner or the bridal boutique owner to help you distinguish involving the distinct fabric forms out there. Tip 9: Make a decision on no matter whether or not you'd like or have to have a wedding train. A wedding train implies extra-fabric and detailing, which translates to paying far more for your wedding dress. Unless your wedding is ultra-formal, you are not going to want a train. In case your heart is set on obtaining a train that trails gracefully behind you, then choose your train length depending on practicality. Your wedding train can reduce your mobility, producing it difficult to maneuver involving chairs and tables during the reception. A detachable wedding train is most advisable if you are planning on doing loads of dancing and walking just after the actual wedding ceremony. Tip ten: Be Wary of wedding gown sizing and essential alterations. You are going to learn more about this once you essentially head to the bridal boutique to be measured. You might already know your actual size, but don't be also shocked if they let you know that you are a size or two larger than you thought. This isn't to say that they've faulty sizing charts; it only implies that wedding dress boutiques and higher street shops have a different way of figuring out your dress size. Your dress size is depending on your body's biggest dimension. If you have prominent hips and also a smaller sized bust location, then your wedding dress size will likely be determined by your hip size. After you get your wedding gown, you need to check if alterations have to be created for a best fit. Most brides find that alterations are essential to get the size right. Ask the boutique or shop owner for estimates on just how much you are going to possess to spend for dress alterations to decide if you're acquiring a fantastic bargain or a rotten deal. Learn a lot more information cocktail dresses

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Wedding Dress Guidelines - What You should Look at

Are you about to obtain married? For most females, this can be the day that they've been arranging for considering the fact that they were young girls. When you feel exactly the same, then it is understandable why you are out seeking suggestions, aid and assistance to produce your dream wedding a reality. Let's face it. In regards to wedding dress, most males just can not seem to understand the value of selecting the ideal wedding dress. Correct, you are only going to be wearing that gown when in your life, as well as your groom may well nonetheless feel the inclination to tie the knot even when you showed up dressed in a potato sack, but you very effectively know that one of by far the most crucial days of the life merits an exceptionally specific dress. Major Tips to Decide on the ideal Wedding Dress There are lots of wedding information that you have to look after, but it really is equally important that you simply take the time to discover the ideal wedding gown for you. To assist you out, we've come up using a list of wedding dress strategies for how you can look your best on your wedding day. Tip 1: Is frequently going to your groom for ideas finding you down? Uncover a female friend or relative who will gladly accompany you in your trips towards the bridal shop.

Unless your groom is female fashion-savvy, he's not going to be a lot aid whenever you ask him about the excellent wedding dress collar or neckline for you personally. Locate a female companion or companions that you simply trust sufficient for second and third opinions. Tip two: Set a spending budget, and try and stick to it. Wedding dress budgets are hardly ever precise. You could must commit far more or you may find yourself spending significantly less than you expected. The point is having a budget in mind will help you manage the urge to splurge on your extremely specific dress. Try your hardest to stick to your dress budget, and pray which you uncover an incredible wedding dress bargain which will make your groom proud. Tip 3: Consider the colour of the gown. You may stick with tradition and go for white, but if you'd like to add some color for your gown, then by all means, obtain the right colour for you. Right now, quite a few modern day brides are deciding on colored wedding dresses as an alternative to plain white ones. Stand out in the sea of white-clad brides by going for an eye-popping color. You may wish to take the season into consideration when choosing out your wedding dress colour, or you may simply go for what flatters your complexion very best. Also be prepared for attainable adverse reactions out of your classic guests. Console your self together with the thought that it is your wedding, and also you can wear blue and even black if you would like to. Tip 4: Come across the appropriate wedding dress length. Yes, wedding gowns can be short or long based on the variety of ceremony you are getting and where you are organizing on possessing it. There's a really simple rule in relation to deciding upon the perfect wedding dress length, and it is to base your dress length on how formal the ceremony is. If you're possessing a formal ceremony, then floor-length may be the solution to go. If it's an ultra-formal wedding, then you may perhaps choose to add a cathedral train to your dress. For informal weddings, you are able to decide on the hemline that flatters you best. Short, or no less than shorter wedding dresses are advised for casual and outdoor weddings for sensible motives. You don't wish to get mud, twigs, leaves or sand on your floor-length designer wedding dress, right? Tip five: Choose the proper and also the most flattering sleeve-length and style for your dress. By suitable, we're merely reminding you that a winter wedding may perhaps not be the best time to go to get a halter, plunging and backless number unless you're arranging on wearing over clothes. If you are feeling conscious about your arms or your shoulders, then you might wish to preserve these difficulty regions covered. You can find quite a few sleeve designs and sleeve lengths to choose from; just choose the a single that fits the occasion most effective even though creating you really feel quite and comfy within your dress. Tip six: Know the value of discovering the proper skirt style and dress shape for your body. Much like wedding dresses, brides are available in distinct shapes and sizes. Take into consideration your physical assets, your all round physique shape as well as your issue locations when creating your selection of skirt style and dress shape. For instance, if you are shaped like an inverted triangle, with prominent shoulders and little hips, then a ball gown would balance your proportions building the right silhouette and hourglass figure. Tip 7: Figuring out the ideal neckline for you. Your wedding gown's neckline can surely impact your gown's general appearance. You've many neckline options, but it's all a matter of getting probably the most suitable and flattering neckline for your frame. Recall, in the very same way that you have to take your assets, physique shape and challenge places into consideration when picking out dress shapes and skirt styles, you also need to look at these factors when picking your wedding dress neckline. If you're organizing on showing off your arms, your beautiful shoulders and pronounced collar bones, and also you have an ample bosom to pull off the look, then the strapless gown is an superb neckline option. When you have a tendency towards the flat side, then you definitely can boost your bust region with a bateau neckline. Tip eight: Appear for the appropriate fabric. A pure satin ball gown would not stand on its own without the need of layers of tulle below it or hoops built in to the dress. Your choice of fabric could directly influence your gown's overall appear. If you are inclined to be uncomfortable or when you are inclined to really feel itchy when you happen to be wearing crisp and net-like fabrics, then go for the breezy and lightweight ones.

There are a lot of diverse fabrics to choose from. A solution to familiarize yourself with these fabrics is to ask your wedding planner or the bridal boutique owner to assist you distinguish amongst the different fabric sorts accessible. Tip 9: Make a decision on irrespective of whether or not you desire or will need a wedding train. A wedding train indicates extra-fabric and detailing, which translates to paying far more for your wedding dress. Unless your wedding is ultra-formal, you are not going to will need a train. If your heart is set on possessing a train that trails gracefully behind you, then pick your train length according to practicality. Your wedding train can decrease your mobility, making it tough to maneuver between chairs and tables through the reception. A detachable wedding train is most advisable if you're planning on doing loads of dancing and walking soon after the actual wedding ceremony. Tip 10: Be Wary of wedding gown sizing and necessary alterations. You will learn additional about this any time you in fact head to the bridal boutique to become measured. You might currently know your actual size, but don't be also surprised if they inform you that you're a size or two bigger than you thought. This isn't to say that they've faulty sizing charts; it only means that wedding dress boutiques and high street shops possess a distinct way of determining your dress size. Your dress size is depending on your body's biggest dimension. If you have prominent hips in addition to a smaller sized bust location, then your wedding dress size will be determined by your hip size. As soon as you get your wedding gown, you need to verify if alterations need to be produced for any great fit. Most brides find that alterations are necessary to get the size suitable. Ask the boutique or shop owner for estimates on just how much you happen to be going to have to pay for dress alterations to identify if you are receiving an excellent bargain or maybe a rotten deal. Find out additional information party dresses

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More Tennessee Cougar Encounters, DNA Checks Verify A Female

The principle thing to remember when relationship a cougar is that the age distinction means you're going to be treading on unfamiliar floor. She shall be different to those ladies you're used to courting with ten years or so additional life experience to attract upon and to have been formed by. On daily basis, an increasing number of girls around the world determine to present younger males a try. The fitting way and fallacious method to touch her while you meet for a date. It's the same whether you met her at a bar, or that is your first date with her from on-line. For those femmes mature who're on the lookout for an informal, no string connected encounter, you will be happy to know at the very least 39% of Cougars are additionally on the lookout for the same thing. If she's 40 years old and appears like she's pushing 50, SHE ISN'T A COUGAR. A cougar can stand next to a sizzling 25 yr outdated and have you scratching your head making an attempt to determine which one is which. If she's 40 and looks forty, she's virtually not a cougar both. If she's acting desperate and leaping on each single man that comes via the door, she's a coyote. A cougar is to confident and to unhealthy of a woman to act so desperately. She see's her prey, she approaches and that is it. Plus, most males will likely be flocking to her. Answering these questions will not be necessarily as direct as answering - 'why do older men like youthful girls?' This post seems femmes mature to be at a few of the deeper the explanation why a lady in her thirties or forties could search a relationship with a person in his twenties. Any good cougar has been around the block a couple of instances, had her heart broken, and broken some hearts in return. Men who're in search of a cougar desire a woman who's been there, done that and is trying to have a little fun now that she's learned a factor or two. He's not searching for a woman who wants to define the relationship, uncover herself with him, or begin the following stage of their lives together—He is in search of a girl who desires to be happy. And he is pleased to be the one to do it. One of many principal issues many younger men get pleasure from concerning the cub/cougar relationship is the reversal of the everyday rolls. Now, the lady femmes mature does the looking. She is the pursuer. She is the provider. For males who are fed up with chasing after girls and being the agressor, being cougar prey generally is a welcome change and an thrilling expertise. To make issues worse…whilst you battle with getting cash collectively to buy a couple of drinks whilst you're out, a the other guys have Daddy paying their credit card bills, whereas they splurge on bottle service events and pimp clothes. However, I'm all the time looking to help college students succeed, so you're more than welcome to contact me with questions on some of the ideas, and I am going to do my finest to write down you back personally. How you can contact a cougar in a way that makes her wet in the panties and ready to go home with you. The customers of the key-sharing app, Whisper, have revealed their own experiences of being a cougar; recounting both the menace - or reality - of being dumped, and the joys of feeling sexy and 'in management'. Excellent weblog, for my part web site house owners ought to purchase an amazing deal out of this blog its very user welcoming. How you can get from messaging, to speaking on the cellphone, to scheduling a date for the very subsequent day… all within 2 hours! However should you're looking for a strategy to have a Cougar in your life, this recording is for you. I need increasingly more articles and blogs please put up soon such informative information. There are of course extra Cubs than Cougars, since most guys of their 20s or early 30s are single and most ladies over 40 are married. Which means there may be stiff competition. The online courting sites of right this moment make assembly and seducing older women the easiest it is ever been because the beginning of time! One of the primary things many younger men take pleasure in about the cub/cougar relationship is the reversal of the everyday rolls. Now, the girl does the searching. She is the pursuer. She is the supplier. For men who're fed up with chasing after women and being the agressor, being cougar prey could be a welcome change and an exciting experience. One of the primary things many youthful males enjoy in regards to the cub/cougar relationship is the reversal of the typical rolls. Now, the woman femmes mature does the searching. She is the pursuer. She is the supplier. For men who're fed up with chasing after women and being the agressor, being cougar prey can be a welcome change and an exciting experience. If you don't get 100% satisfaction on this product, I insist you come back it for a full refund. I do all cost processing by means of ClickBank, the #1 digital products network on the earth, so all you must do is save your receipt in your e-mail inbox and request a refund by means of them. You do not even must go through me. Easy methods to reply when a flaky cougar says she'll let you already know the subsequent day if she can come out. Whisper works on the premise that whereas most don't need friends and family to know about their most embarrassing moments, sharing them anonymously can show cathartic. The way to method a cougar in a bar or nightclub, and get her to start seeing me as a possible sex accomplice immediately.

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Wedding Dress Tips - What It is best to Take into account

Are you about to obtain married? For many girls, this is the day that they've been organizing for since they had been young girls. When you really feel precisely the same, then it's understandable why you are out searching for advice, aid and support to make your dream wedding a reality. Let's face it. In relation to wedding dress, most guys just cannot seem to understand the value of picking the right wedding dress. Accurate, you are only going to become wearing that gown when within your life, as well as your groom may perhaps nonetheless really feel the inclination to tie the knot even though you showed up dressed in a potato sack, but you incredibly nicely realize that among the most important days of your life merits an exceptionally particular dress. Top Tricks to Opt for the right Wedding Dress You will find countless wedding details which you should care for, but it really is equally essential that you take the time to find the ideal wedding gown for you. To assist you out, we've come up having a list of wedding dress recommendations for how it is possible to look your most effective on your wedding day.

Tip 1: Is frequently going to your groom for strategies having you down? Locate a female buddy or relative who will gladly accompany you on your trips to the bridal shop. Unless your groom is female fashion-savvy, he's not going to be significantly assist any time you ask him concerning the fantastic wedding dress collar or neckline for you personally. Find a female companion or companions which you trust adequate for second and third opinions. Tip 2: Set a price range, and endeavor to follow it. Wedding dress budgets are hardly ever precise. You could possibly ought to devote a lot more or you might wind up spending significantly less than you anticipated. The point is getting a price range in thoughts might help you control the urge to splurge on your really unique dress. Attempt your hardest to comply with your dress spending budget, and pray that you simply discover a fantastic wedding dress bargain that should make your groom proud. Tip 3: Consider the colour of one's gown. You may stick with tradition and go for white, but if you need to add some colour for your gown, then by all signifies, discover the right color for you. Today, many modern brides are picking colored wedding dresses as an alternative to plain white ones. Stand out inside the sea of white-clad brides by going for an eye-popping colour. You could possibly want to take the season into consideration when picking out your wedding dress color, or you may basically go for what flatters your complexion most effective. Also be prepared for possible adverse reactions from your regular guests. Console your self using the believed that it's your wedding, and you can put on blue and even black if you need to. Tip 4: Find the correct wedding dress length. Yes, wedding gowns could be short or lengthy depending on the form of ceremony you're having and exactly where you're preparing on possessing it. There's a very simple rule with regards to choosing the ideal wedding dress length, and it is to base your dress length on how formal the ceremony is. If you're getting a formal ceremony, then floor-length could be the solution to go. If it is an ultra-formal wedding, then you definitely could wish to add a cathedral train for your dress. For informal weddings, you may select the hemline that flatters you very best. Short, or at the very least shorter wedding dresses are advised for casual and outside weddings for practical motives. You don't desire to get mud, twigs, leaves or sand on your floor-length designer wedding dress, ideal? Tip five: Pick the proper plus the most flattering sleeve-length and style for the dress. By suitable, we're merely reminding you that a winter wedding may not be the ideal time to go to get a halter, plunging and backless quantity unless you are preparing on wearing more than clothing. If you're feeling conscious about your arms or your shoulders, then you might wish to retain those difficulty regions covered. There are actually numerous sleeve designs and sleeve lengths to select from; merely choose the one particular that fits the occasion greatest although creating you feel fairly and comfy inside your dress.

Tip six: Know the significance of finding the correct skirt style and dress shape for your body. Much like wedding dresses, brides are available in unique shapes and sizes. Take into consideration your physical assets, your overall body shape as well as your trouble places when creating your decision of skirt style and dress shape. As an example, if you're shaped like an inverted triangle, with prominent shoulders and little hips, then a ball gown would balance your proportions making the ideal silhouette and hourglass figure. Tip 7: Determining the very best neckline for you. Your wedding gown's neckline can absolutely have an effect on your gown's overall appearance. You might have a lot of neckline possibilities, but it's all a matter of locating essentially the most appropriate and flattering neckline for your frame. Try to remember, within the identical way which you should take your assets, physique shape and challenge places into consideration when picking out dress shapes and skirt styles, you also must appear at these variables when deciding upon your wedding dress neckline. If you are preparing on displaying off your arms, your wonderful shoulders and pronounced collar bones, and you have an ample bosom to pull off the appear, then the strapless gown is definitely an great neckline selection. If you tend towards the flat side, then you can enhance your bust location using a bateau neckline. Tip eight: Look for the appropriate fabric. A pure satin ball gown would not stand on its personal without having layers of tulle under it or hoops built into the dress. Your decision of fabric could directly impact your gown's general appear. When you tend to be uncomfortable or in case you tend to really feel itchy when you are wearing crisp and net-like fabrics, then go for the breezy and lightweight ones. You can find numerous different fabrics to choose from. A way to familiarize yourself with these fabrics will be to ask your wedding planner or the bridal boutique owner to help you distinguish among the distinct fabric forms obtainable. Tip 9: Choose on no matter whether or not you'd like or want a wedding train. A wedding train means extra-fabric and detailing, which translates to paying more for the wedding dress. Unless your wedding is ultra-formal, you're not going to have to have a train. In case your heart is set on possessing a train that trails gracefully behind you, then pick your train length determined by practicality. Your wedding train can reduce your mobility, creating it hard to maneuver among chairs and tables during the reception. A detachable wedding train is most advisable if you are planning on carrying out a lot of dancing and walking right after the actual wedding ceremony. Tip ten: Be Wary of wedding gown sizing and essential alterations. You'll learn additional about this if you basically head to the bridal boutique to be measured. You could currently know your actual size, but do not be as well shocked if they tell you that you happen to be a size or two larger than you thought. This is not to say that they have faulty sizing charts; it only implies that wedding dress boutiques and higher street shops have a distinct way of determining your dress size. Your dress size is depending on your body's largest dimension. Find out a lot more info Formal Dresses Brisbane