#he keeps things close to his chest
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This post was ghostwritten by Claudia
when we get a Lestat point of view you guys better not take it as gospel just because it contradicts and/or adds detail to what previously said. Be smart. NEVER trust a blond man's word
#what's that gif of damien from mean girls chasing down that girl in the bathroom#anyway replace that with me chasing down op going OH MY GOD CLAUDIA I LOVE YOUR WORK#I'm such a Lestat lover but when Louis and Claudia were plotting his death I was like YESSS KILL THAT BLONDE MAN#anyway i don't really think he's a liar per se i think he omits a lot#he keeps things close to his chest#he keeps secrets#and he avoids telling the truth#but he wouldn't tell a direct lie i don't think#i think the series is all about unreliable narrators tho fundamentally#what IS the truth
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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the best way to luffy’s stomach is through his heart (or something like that)
a four page one piece fancomic in which luffy and law talk about luffy’s stomach
page 1
panel 1: a top view of luffy and law sitting in grass. luffy is leaning back on his hands with his legs outstretched. law sits crosslegged between them. they are both looking down at the hole in luffy’s abdomen, where law has used his devil fruit power to remove his stomach. “whoa! cool!” says luffy, while law hums, “hmm… interesting.”
panel 2: a close-up of law’s hand holding luffy’s stomach in its cube-like container. “it looks surprisingly average,” law says, “for a bottomless pit.”
panel 3: “isn’t it weird?” luffy asks. he is sitting with his back to the viewer, but his smile is still visible as he leans into law’s space. law is still crosslegged, holding the stomach, and he looks vaguely uncomfortable as luffy keeps talking. luffy says, “that thing can make food stop looking like food and start looking like poop! huh. wonder how it does that…”
page 2
panel 1: law looks off to the side, sweating and kinda grouchy. knowing he’ll regret this, he mutters, “i… know how… at least for NORMAL humans.”
panel 2: the back of luffy’s head takes up most of the panel as he demands, “what?! i wanna know too!” law grits his teeth and shouts back, “you’re just gonna fall asleep!” and luffy yells, “nuh-uh!”
panel 3: luffy grins widely, throws his arms out to the side, and flops onto his back in the grass. he’s loudly yelling, “tell me! tell me, traffy!”
page 3
panel 1: law is visible from a low-angle, as if from luffy’s pov on the ground. he sighs, “fine. here’s how it works.”
panel 2: this panel looks similar to the previous, but its slightly darker, with gray bars at the top and bottom, narrowing visibility to show luffy’s eyes are closing. law continues, “the stomach has two main functions.”
panel 3: law is now barely visible through the gap. luffy is almost asleep. law says, “the first, as YOU know, is the storage of food.”
panel 4: the background is completely dark, and law’s words trail off, “the second is—“
page 4
panel 1: a large, top view of luffy lying on his back in the grass. his arms are thrown wide still and his eyes are open. he has just jolted awake, saying, “hmm?” off-screen, law complains, “i don’t know WHY i bothered.”
panel 2: law accuses, “you didn’t listen to a word i said.” luffy sits up, his lips pursed and eyes narrowed because he’s a terrible liar. he says, “sure i did,” dragging out the “sure.”
panel 3: luffy breaks into a grin and proudly declares, “it’s a mystery!” law cuts him off with a “NO,” his speech bubble literally dripping with disdain.
panel 4: the silhouette of luffy and law sitting side by side. law is whapping luffy on the head with a light fist. law says, “idiot…” before bonking him. luffy yells, “hey!” but he is laughing, and a small “heh” shows law is too.
#one piece#luffy#trafalgar law#look im just gonna tag it#lulaw#it doesnt have to be but its what i was thinking when i drew it so.#cw body horror#??? ever so slightly#law-typical gore i suppose#he stuck it back in when luffy dozed off. maybe thats what woke him up#anyway. sometimes ur so close to someone that theyll let u look at their organs for fun!#typically its stomach > heart but for luffy its the other way around#not that he keeps his organs very close to his chest. which is a weird thing to say. what AM i saying anymore
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Day 31 - Mask
The thing about Sans is you never really know what he's thinking behind that smile.
#inktober#undertale#sans#and that's inktober!#only finished...#checks watch#2.5 months late!#But yeah this was another favorite prompt#because this is one of the things I find fun about Sans as a character#he smiles and laughs and jokes#but we don't really know how much of that is genuine and how much is an act#masking for depression or distrust or anything else that might be going on inside that skull#he plays his cards close to his chest#and keeps people at a distance#and that sure leaves a lot of room for speculation and fanfics :)
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yk, I want Bludhaven’s Nightwing and Gotham’s Nightwing to be different.
In Gotham, obviously there are. A lot more people. There, he is “the nice one” (compared to the others).
In Bludhaven? Blud-worse crime rate than Gotham-Haven, managed only by Nightwing? There’s no fuckin way.
Personally I don’t think it’s. Mainly a conscious decision or smth? Just he does more in Bludhaven and maybe ends up being generally less cheery? Or smth. He’s more willing to be (externally) tired with Bludhaven than he would be with Gotham.
Idk, smth for him to really embody the Terror of Bludhaven title yk? Nightwing is Bludhaven’s Batman; you know like, before robin and everything. He works too hard and he’s something to be scared of. He is Bludhaven’s Batman - just a bit more flippy & quippy (and a lot more friends).
#Nightwing#dick grayson#thoughts ig#I really like the Terror of Bludhaven title I’ve heard around for Dick#and I just like the idea that. yeah. he really is TERROR on Haven’s crime. like Batman was *fear* in the early years for Gotham#dick is a scary motherfucker in Haven.#he’s not to much in Gotham cause he doesn’t have to. yk? like he isn’t a scary bitch in Gotham. not cause he can’t in Gotham/with others#just cause he doesn’t HAVE to.#also he’s a manipulator-charismanaic who keeps his cards close to his chest no matter who/what#love a moment w/ Batfam realizing the diff reputation Nightwing has in Haven#ask a gothamite abt NW? oh uhhhh flippy & quippy. still a damn menace tho.#as someone from the Haven about NW? …entirely depends if they’re like a serious criminal or not.#yes? vitriol. pure fuckin annoyance and anger and definitely fear. even if it’s well hidden in there. def fear#no? oh yk thankfulness - maybe personally some good sentiment; still acknowledgment of his competence.#man that one fic about uhhh like spiderman getting unmasked after the train except it was Nightwing and everyone agrees to keep it a secret#cause that’s THEIR hero? the one who looked at blud-worse crime rate than Gotham-Haven and went. I’ll help. AND DID?#also abt the Blud & Gotham whose worse thing; personally I think it’s. Gotham has crazier crimes; Bludhaven has /more/ crime + gang violence#anyway#that was a lot#dc comics#Bludhaven#Gotham
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Lance providing yet another stellar reaction face
#lance stroll#f1#formula 1#aston martin f1#He emotes so much for a man who keeps things so close to his chest#Who needs words right
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I think we have to see Tommy one more time in order for Buck to grasp what he said in that kitchen.
I think he knows he made that dig at Tommy. That he doesn't have to have feeling for everyone he slept with.
But I do not think Evan Buckley consciously knows what he said with the first sentence. That he point blank admitted he has feelings for Eddie.
And I think Tommy has to play the sentence back for him. To ultimately seal the deal on the Oh moment.
#911 abc#9-1-1#911 spoiler#He knows he was cruel and mean to Tommy#but he blocked out that first sentence#because the truth only comes out with Evan Buckley gets angry#and he says things he means to keep close to his chest#Evan Buckley
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actually first ep of Voyager where Janeway talks to Tuvok about how his family misses him is that when she says they Worry about him Tuvok contradicts her and claims that Vulcans don't do that but when she corrects and says they Miss him he accepts this and admits he misses them too; implying perhaps a pedantic difference between 'Vulcans do not Feel Emotions' (false) and 'Vulcans do not Act Out of Emotion' (accurate) -> 'Miss/Longing' is an emotion, but 'Worry' is an action one does out of emotion -> one Vulcans do; one Vulcans do not.
#N posts stuff#continuation of thoughts from my last post bc i can smell the counterarguments of 'vulcans are not emotional and are#therefore not impulsive and therefore no vulcan child Would run off unattended' which is Wrong#but also a half formulated thought regarding: how often characters will CLAIM that 'vulcans don't do X' and how often#people take that at face value instead of accepting it as like. a character motivated Lie that is being told lol#ie) when Spock claims 'Vulcans don't Have emotions' this is a lie he tells because 1) it's funny to him or 2) this is an Exaggerated#expectation he feels put on him BC other vulcans are more ready to judge his behavior based purely on the knowledge of his#half human genetics -> Spock is forced to hold a Higher standard just to get others to acknowledge they are Minimally equal#ALT: we do Know that Vulcan emotions are deeper/more intense than they visibly show; it doesn't feel Standardized to me that#daily Vulcan culture would DENY the existence of emotions entirely (unless one undergoes Kohlinar which seems to be a Rarer#and more Intense lifestyle Choice SOME vulcans make) bc that Feels like it would be a Lie which wouldn't be Logical to uphold#BUT i Can see conversations About those emotions being one of those things Vulcans keep extraordinarily close to their chest#in Amok Time Spock was ready to Die before he'd tell anyone about a biochemical process his body was experiencing; I can see#emotions as a whole being an almost Equally intimate thing to share w/ outsiders -> hence the 'Vulcans Don't experience emotion'#claim being made in broader Outside society ; you'd talk about it w/ other vulcans but Not with a bunch of humans#(Spock being an arguable Exception to this standard BC of the 'has to uphold a Higher Standard just to be permitted on even ground)#this post is a lot of thinking aloud idk how much coherence there is here but it's fun to think about on many paths
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in a yearning competition and my opponent is venti the bard, the anemo archon, barbatos themself (i am losing immediately, he has 2,600+ years of it)
#like#… venven how many poems have you dedicated to the bard#how many arts ?#those hc’s where there’s a painting of the bard somewhere in mond (as well as the other old mond crew members) ohhh you Know#he stops by it often#not to mention they probably yearn sm for the company of their other friends too#this bard is just constantly loving and yearning#you look into their eyes and it’s so Soft and sad. bittersweetly beautiful#he has things to say !! he has things people have told him that he keeps close to his chest and will die with#(<- also fully believe even if ven talked to us abt bard we wont ever fully know the story.)#(bard told him to keep it a secret and thousands of years don’t meant shit to a promise. he WILL be keeping it no matter what.)#(his friend asked him to.)#lantern says stuff
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HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33
i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute
anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am
vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!
william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)
i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!
dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?
also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else
#very tempted to add a thing about the greats to vyncents section but i am not going to#anyway do u think it was weird for him to have the people he idolized in his brain. they knew things he thought#they felt things he felt they probably talked about it its no wormnder he keeps his emotions close to his chest etc etc etc#anyway.#im projecting a little bit on all of these can you tell. dont take any of this as canon i am fully like.#oh boy how can i put aspects of my godawful mental health practices on my favorite little superhero teens.#especially ashe be he has not a whole lot of canon basis . sorry ashe you get my emotion switch#asks#intertexts#friends!!!#jrwi pd#um!!! sorry i went off on the second william paragraph i think about the early stages of him gaining his powes a lot.#its the danny phantom in me#also that last sentence was especially mean of me sorry. i did yhat on purpose :) i love to be evil#OKAY. im going to bed for real now. i had 2 get this out of my system before i slept on it and forgot all the thoughts fresh in my mind
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see i like the idea that like. flynn HATES sweet nice hallelujah. cannot stand him. meanwhile, he gets along with toki and gaston
#shitpost#i have SO many thoughts about flynn and toki being weird friends#like its DEFINITELY at first like her trying to be rivals with him#but he respects her for knocking herself out of the gaeans#and SHE has to respect him for his strength#he DID defeat yuriko#its just so funny to me that i think flynn gets along with everyone in the group except hallelujah. who is a nice sweet boy#ok also navarre its like a weird relationship because navarre is dead and like. i think flynn would blame himself for that.#is all im saying. so like. lets go.#and like nozomi is FLYNN'S friend not nanashi's. but nanashi literally doesn't even know she knows flynn#like smtiva just does not state that clearly anywhere which is interestin to me#nozomi REALLY keeps things close to her chest#and flynn is fine with asahi and nanashi. obviously.#and isabeau is also flynn's friend. obviously#so its just literally hallelujah and navarre where things are weird. but he HATES hallelujah#smtiv replay#dont ask me about flynn's relationship with gaston#because i think they should kiss. anyways.
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inspired by this post, a scene: wen kexing in the valley, shortly after getting abducted, after losing his memory to the meng po soup, finding small nooks out of time for himself, in dark corners or in the department of the unfaithful, still young enough to be protected by luo-yi, playing with stick figures he built with branches and twine, trying to recreate the scenes he keeps seeing before falling asleep, his parents dying, his almost-shixiong giving him one good day, and wen kexing only half-remembers that one good day, because wen kexing only half-remembers being zhen yan, he only half-remembers zhou zishu. but there is that feeling in his chest, warmth and belonging, and he does not try to imagine what would have happened if he'd gotten the change to stay at siji manor as intended, if his parents would be still alive, because those what-if wishes if given in to could tear you apart, and he needs to survive, but he plays at the idea of being safe enough, if only for the duration of remaining undiscovered, until he gets ripped back into the hell that is his life
#can this be counted as fic#my thoughts#wen kexing#ghost valley#zhen yan#word of honor#muddling in words and stuff#i dont know but there's smth so innocent about this picture#wen kexing telling himself stories about zhou zishu before falling asleep#he catches that feeling of absolute security and keeps it close to his chest#in order to find rest#in order to feel safe and loved#making up things about zhou zishu whom he barely got the chance to get to know. and who he already starts to forget#not to the effects of the meng po soup just to the passing of time#and to what trauma does to a person's mind#fraying out everything. freezing certain moments in time
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also while I’m not the biggest fan of the 2.1 and 2.2 patches, I have a soft spot for patch 2.3
#I do like the tail end of patch 2.2#but patch 2.3………the ramuh stuff happen. the political conflicts starting in ul’dah#alphinaud lowkey blaming the refugees for the riots#it’s the whole of he knows there’s a deeper conflict going on but he’s still a prick about shit#his overinflated ego still needs a seat at the table#it’s so fun watching as the way alphinaud speaks changes#and I don’t mean voice acting I mean the written on screen dialogue#he goes from things like and you shall follow me to the brass blades as you are curious of this#to Estinien scolding him in HW for assuming the WoL would fight Ravana#to later on how much he expresses this deep concern for what they have to do#and being beside them as much as he can#anyway got sidetracked by the lad#but yeah. patch 2.3 is v fun#I hope patch 2.4 is also fun I cannot remember it for the life of me rn#it’s gonna be some crystal braves stuff I think#but gosh kiet in these patches like#he keeps his cards so close to his chest in ul’dah#bc he’s heard and watched his mother get into complicated spats involving money politics people#and it’s always messy. it’s always dramatic#oc: kiet gilda
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.
#negativity cw#mother mention cw#I’ve been in a funk since visiting my parents this weekend#And my mom ranted about my dad and her potential plans for divorce#It’s not the only reason I’m upset#I’ve got feelings about my job performance and my social life which aren’t helping#But being reminded of their marital woes feels like it’s brought everything else up#Half of me wants to ask my mom to not bring it up again#Which I know is a reasonable boundary to ask#But I’m afraid of the repercussions#She’ll respect it#But she’ll respect me less#Which should be okay since I’m an adult#But my mom is my closest confidante (which goes back to the friends thing)#I don’t have too many close friends irl#And even if that weren’t the case#I don’t want to poison the well#ugh#I really really really wish she hadn’t told me#She talked about how she’s glad in this country you can ‘take a man to the cleaners’#And she’s keeping her cards close to her chest so he doesn’t ‘hide the money’#And I know his behavior and inaction are largely responsible for the breakdown of the marriage#But now I feel like I’m betraying him by keeping quiet about it#And I can’t tell my dad because I don’t know if he would keep it to himself if push comes to shove#And it would nuke my relationship with my mom from external orbit#I have to spend Wed evening and Thurs with my parents#And I’m thinking of telling her tonight I don’t want to hear any more about it#We’ll have to see how it goes#But I can’t handle this tension#if she wants to vent about it she can talk to her friends or a therapist or a lawyer or whatever
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so just a question, but what would you look for in a relationship? Whether platonic or romantically can be implied here, like do you like specific features, traits, personality, fighting abilities? Just curious Lord Beerus.

"An interesting question...."
"What would I look for indeed. It's hardly something I've been too vocal about."
Was it companionship he sought? Or was it merely a desire to alleviate his boredom? Someone that bended to his whims? Someone that defied him? A tool or an equal?
"And shall I'll continue to keep that to myself. You're welcome to guess, but I guarantee you that you won't be correct."
#anonymous tag tbd#q#// beerus can't even muster the will to admit he cares about champa openly even after he thinks champa's dead forever#// he'll respect goku (and vegeta) a surprising amount but he won't ever admit it to their faces#// he's not going to confess any actual romantic/platonic interest bc he just doesn't have it in him to admit to that sort of thing#// he's keeping how he feels about people VERY close to his chest
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Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more:
I miss my husband so goddamn much
February 27th, 2025
I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.
I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.
They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.
I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?
I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.
EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.
Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.
Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.
EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.
[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago
March 2nd, 2025
Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.
I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.
We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.
What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.
I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.
He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.
We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.
I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.
I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.
Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3
EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.
EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.
[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night
March 5th, 2025
My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.
A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.
He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.
He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.
At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.
I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.
Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.
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